diff --git "a/test.json" "b/test.json" --- "a/test.json" +++ "b/test.json" @@ -1 +1 @@ -[{"question": "Do i have a mental illness/illnesses?", "description": "Hello ,im very concerned about my mental health.I am weak, a better looking (by some peoples opinon) geek,im not sporty.My life has involved lots of ups and downs. i have top grades, but those are the cause of all my problems, i am double faced.Often in public happy and humerous. but outside the public i am only a shard of a human being. I often at home have attacks when im mad i dont like scream i just land on my knees start crying and if ive done something wrong i start hitting myself on the side of my head. I am also a avid stalker i currently stalk 2 girls relatively my age, i also steal sometimes. If im unhappy with a situation due to people making me feel and treat me like scum i just want to e.g the classroom and say \"enough is enough\" go to the roof and jump off hopefully falling to my death (why does suicide have to be a sin?).I am overhauled with stress,i dont have time on my hands, my father all of a sudden puts in strict rules,i cant remember the last time my mother said that i did something good and shes a perfectionist so anything under perfect isnt worth it.I am unstable,have short memory,contemplate suicide and i feel that everytime something good happens to me 20 other things make the world kick me between the legs. i dont know/very skeptic about talking to people (although i do it anyway) and fitting in.and one problem manifests with other problems which make a bigger problem , i am afraid of being left alone and of denial. To say the least i am a ticking time bomb...", "answer": "Go see your doctor. It sounds like you may have a mood disorder\u2014impossible for an internet stranger to diagnose\u2014which can be alleviated by (most likely) a mix of medication and talk therapy. \n\nUsually I shout \u201ctherapy\u201d first, but you\u2019re in a bad way and I\u2019d want to be sure you get checked by someone who can prescribe first and foremost, and then ASAP get with a counselor or therapist who specializes in depression/anxiety. \n\nWhen you read those diagnoses, please know that, while we tend to talk about them as if they\u2019re run-of-the-mill, for those who suffer as you do they can be life threatening in their totality and severity for the sufferer. \n\nThe good news is that for most people\u2014with the right combo of meds and therapy\u2014they are highly treatable and you do not have to feel this way forever. \n\nGet help! It\u2019s there for you. The hard part is reaching out, particularly when you have anxiety related to people. Please know it\u2019s worth it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "77vx46", "comment_id": "dop46bo"}, {"question": "I\u2019m alive for only one reason", "description": "I want to kill myself so badly, I\u2019m just holding on to the hope that maybe one day, I\u2019ll find someone that I can say \u201cI love you\u201d to and mean it. And have them mean it to. If that glimmer of hope flickers out, I\u2019ll be dead. ", "answer": "Hold on to hope. It\u2019s possible. Get help. If you\u2019re thinking about killing your self right now go to the hospital or call 911. Call the national suicide hotline 8002738255. Text 741.741 for crisis texting. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7avmeu", "comment_id": "dpd9ij4"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "dnk37y4"}, {"question": "Am I (20 M) a bad son for not being mentally and physically healthy for college?", "description": "Since HS I've been very depressed/recluse and an addict due to a bad relationship and bad choices, also some bad memories from childhood. I can work jobs fine. Due to my lack of health mentally and physically I had to withdrawal from college a few months back, I feel like a totally different and negative person from two years ago. I was so addicted and depressed that I told my parents I'd get help but kept doing the same things.\n\nFast forward to two weeks ago. Again I've applied for college and I'm working but then as soon as I realize college is soon I have a panic attack at night and had to go to the hospital for passing out. So I have to withdrawal again from college, this time I'm actually taking steps to get better but my parents don't believe me. Keep in mind I'm currently making an income, but my parents are flipping their shit about me not going even after showing them my appointments for the doctor and stopping all drug use. They think I'll do the same thing again, but I haven't lost any money from withdrawing from college. I really want to go but I'm so mentally/physically messed up that I literally feel nothing and have 0 order, so I feel that I need to make a recovery before going. I know I did mess up with college but I have to not feel this way and be capable of focusing/learning like I did before in HS so I can get good grades and be able to maintain a job while going.\n\nTL;DR: My parents are shaming me for not going to college and saying that I'll never go, but I'm only 20 and its only a 2-year degree. Am I a bad son for getting help and not going to college so I can get good grades and have a clear mind? Or should I go, feel like shit and maybe get ok grades and possibly drop out?", "answer": "You're not a bad son or a bad person. You've just done some things your parents and you probably wish you hadn't, like everyone else who's ever lived. Nobody's perfect. Don't forget that. The only real failure would be if you stopped trying to achieve the things you want to achieve. \n\n\nAlso, don't forget that actions speak louder than words. It can take years to build trust and one bad decision to lose it all. It could likely take a few years of you being sober, healthy, self-sufficient, etc. before they begin to trust you or give you any credit. Always remember that the world doesn't owe you anything. You've got to earn love, respect, and everything else you want. \n\n\nTo reiterate once more, in spite of all of this, your mistakes do not make you a \"bad person\" or a \"bad son\". They simply make you a person who has made mistakes. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ae835m", "comment_id": "ednvdcr"}, {"question": "I feel like all my emotions and feelings are meaningless", "description": "I can't even explain it I just feel like what I feel doesn't really matter. What i fear is irrelevant. And that sooner or later everyone will go. I cannot rely on anyone but myself. My parents are dysfunctional enabler/malignant narcissist. My family is nuts (not an exaggeration see my post history). I ride on my boyfriend's coattails. I have no friends anymore. I don't even know how to make friends. If my SO broke up with me I'd be alone and sometimes I don't get why he's with me when he could be with someone more like him who suits him better and can make him happier.\n\nWhy does it even matter.", "answer": "They aren't meaningless but they could be the result of you looking through a negative lens. It can distort how you feel. One of the tenants of dbt is opposite action, doing the opposite of what you feel in that moment. The idea being our initial feelings and thoughts are irrational and will need to catch up to our actions. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6l4u2h", "comment_id": "djrbtys"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "fht0r3e"}, {"question": "Anyway to calm an extremely overactive ADHD brain?", "description": "It really makes it difficult to sleep. So many exciting thoughts floating through my mind.", "answer": "You might find a weighted blanket helpful and deep breathing before bed. Maybe listen to a guided meditation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "acoyf6", "comment_id": "ed9t68s"}, {"question": "How to put yourself out there?", "description": "I've had anxiety for 6 years. It's not so terrible I can't leave the house or anything, but I struggle with things like ordering etc. I've met a fair few people through my best friend, and I want to get to know them better, but it's so fucking hard to just talk and introduce myself like a normal person. I'm so shy and quiet and I hate it. Any tips?", "answer": "When it comes to initiating conversations, ordering food over the telephone or anything similar, a helpful suggestion is to make a script for yourself. Write it down if you need to. Practice it a few times. Then start using it. The more you do it, the more confident you'll feel and will either have the script internalized or will be confident enough to deviate from it. \n\nex. \"Hi, I'm calling to place an order for __________, and that'll be for pickup/delivery. I can pay cash/I have a credit number for you.\"\n\nex. \"Hey, good seeing you again. What have you been up to lately?\"\n\nKeep it simple. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "72zhs2", "comment_id": "dnmv17c"}, {"question": "What are the consequences of being involuntarily hospitalized?", "description": "I recently lost my therapist, who was giving me a discount. Now I can't afford the co-pay anymore. She was the only person I've spoken with at length for the last three years or so. I don't have any friends, and my coworkers avoid me.\n\nSince then my depression has gotten exponentially worse, and I have a growing tendency to nurture really dark and destructive thoughts whenever I get shunned at work or I'm spending a weekend night at home by myself (I go out, it just never comes to anything). I've been drinking more too, even though my medications are supposed to be so hard on my liver that it's really not a good idea to drink at all. It's just that I don't care.\n\nTL;DR It's not out of the question that I might be forced to go into a hospital soon. What is the professional and financial impact? Does it make getting another job harder? Will you have certain rights taken away because of your medical history?", "answer": "If you're in the USA, there is no reason or way for your employer (present or future) to know about any of your hospitalizations without your written approval.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rvkqy", "comment_id": "cdrehp9"}, {"question": "I want a friend like me, is that so wrong?", "description": "People say no they wouldn\u2019t want to deal with themselves and that they would hate being around them. Why?", "answer": "It's good to have a diverse friend group. \n\n\nI'm really lucky in that I now as an adult have a very large group of friends. Other than my wife who is legitimately my best friend (not just in the corny you have to say that kind of way), I have 3 best guy friends. \n\n\n1 is from childhood. We grew up with each other from the time we were about 5. We have a great shared history together and a lot of similar interests (we played hockey together, love sports, love the same video games and nerd stuff) but we're not very much alike personality wise at all.\n\n1 is my old college roommate. We lived together all 4 years of college and 3 years afterwards when we moved to Philadelphia. We have a ton of shared interests more on the in-depth nerdier and obscure side of things (fantasy, sci-fi, art, anime, music (specifically hard-core and more avante-garde type stuff), micro-brews, etc. We couldn't be more different people personality wise.\n\n\nMy last best friend is another friend of mine from college. We don't have some shared interests as is necessary in any friendship, but not the depth of the others. We get along so well and can get into plenty of heated debates and arguments because personality wise, we are the SAME person. Even taking the Meyers-Briggs, we get the exact same result (ENTP). I absolutely love this friend to death because we understand each other without having to spell everything out. I think this is a very important aspect of our friendship. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8uql4m", "comment_id": "e1hy7lo"}, {"question": "I think my psychiatrist is withholding diagnoses. Do I have a legal right to know?", "description": "I live in Ontario, Canada.\n\nI was seeing a therapist for a while who said she thought I had schizophrenia. Since she isn't qualified to diagnose (and I've got a bunch of other shit that needs actual treatment), she referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw him once. He asked me if I thought I had OCD, to which I said no. He didn't say anything about schizophrenia.\n\nI met with my GP a bit later and she told me she had spoken with him and under his advice, prescribed me Seroquel, which is primarily used to treat bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which I've been diagnosed with.\n\nI also saw when my GP was looking through his notes on her computer that he wrote \"...probably because of the PTSD.\" He never said anything about PTSD to me either. \n\nDo I have a legal right to know if I've been diagnosed with something? I asked my GP to see that document and she told me I'd need consent from the psychiatrist because it's his private documents, but that doesn't feel right because it's something that was written about me.", "answer": "I can't speak on the legalities of your psychiatrist sharing your diagnoses with you, as I'm in the US. \n\nSeroquel is also used to treat depression. Even if it wasn't, a lot of medications are prescribed for conditions that may not be listed (off-label usage). \n\nAs an aside, you should feel comfortable enough with your psychiatrist to engage in a discussion about your diagnoses. Knowing what you're diagnosed with can be validating for some people, as it gives a name to what you're experiencing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e38hm8", "comment_id": "f91pup4"}, {"question": "After a year on meds, I finally increased my dose and I'm scared :( what happens from now on?", "description": "So after a year on 10mg adderall IR 5 times daily (50mg total), I've switched to 15mg IR 4 times daily (60mg).\n\nI was really really obsessively afraid of this happening. Adderall made a black and white difference in my life. It turned an extremely depressed and non competent me into the go getting extroverted person I've always wanted to be. \n\nI'm really scared. I don't want this to be a reoccurring thing :(. My doctor has said he goes up to 80mg daily, which is somewhat comforting, but what happens when I reach that and I need to go up more? It feels like a ticking time bomb with a minuscule fuse.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've read that some people find the right dosage and stay on it forever, and that's also what my doctor told me, but I'm worried that I wont be one of those people. I thought my dose right now was perfect, until it started slowly dropping off about 3-4 months ago.\n\nI'm so damn envious of neurotypicals :/", "answer": "Try to stop thinking. Hard with ADHD I know. It's black and white, it's helping. Don't over think it. When it stops or you reach 80mg worry then. \n\nThere are options, maybe ask your doctor what he does when 80mg is no longer effective, he'll tell you their are options and may put your mind at ease. Until then, don't think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22fax", "comment_id": "eiq3258"}, {"question": "Starting to think grad school isn't worth it.", "description": "Classes started on the 8th and I'm already stressed to the max. The program I am taking starts at 16 credit hours. I thought working part time would make this a possibility. I've been crying daily I'm constantly studying, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I'm isolated, lonely, and my depression is growing. I go from eating all day to feeling too nauseated to eat. My night terrors are beginning to resurface. \n\nI'm meeting with my advisor this week hopefully to either drop a few classes or drop them all. I guess I just need to vent and hear that I'm not a giant stupid loser who failed at life. I just want to go back to being happy. Any stories from people who dropped out?\n\nSorry if this is the wrong sub to post. With my anxiety and stress right now all I can think about is my mental health.", "answer": "Are you able to go part time? Some programs have a window of time that you need to complete you classes in order to graduate. I myself am going to grad school full time, working ~ 30 hours/week, and am about to start my practicum 8hrs a week. Next year I'll move to internship at 20 hrs a week. It's busy and stressful as all can believe. I've been warned I will be burned out and some suggest I should go to a 3rd year, but I am determined to graduate with my friends.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7qqw9b", "comment_id": "dsrgpvv"}, {"question": "[20/F] Is it impossible to ask a guy to wait for sex?", "description": "I broke up with my ex boyfriend last year because after 4 months of dating I wasn't ready to lose my virginity. He was my first kiss, and going from kissing to full on sex was just a lot to handle. There were other factors in the break-up. I knew he wasn't over his ex from 3 years ago (yes, he pined over a girl he broke up with when he was 15/16). He also had anger issues and started pushing my boundaries. I had enough when he literally took his pants off in a parking lot in broad daylight and coerced me in to giving him a handjob knowing that was the first time I had ever seen a penis.\n\nIt just sucked. I broke up with him because the intimacy felt forced. Now I'm 20, almost 21 and haven't met anyone I'd want to date. I'm just worried when I start dating someone else I might not feel ready to have sex right away, especially because only one guy has seen me naked and that was a year ago. Will guys in there 20's wait a few months until I am comfortable? Or should I just give up on dating...?", "answer": "Don't worry what the boys think. They are filled to the brim with testosterone, which rules them. You be you...be comfortable...always......go as slow as you need to....never feel pressured.....If they can't hack it they're the wrong guy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kdd5b", "comment_id": "djlabwi"}, {"question": "My boyfriend doesn't treat me right but I'm in love with him?", "description": "We've been together for about a year now. The beginning was picture perfect for me and I couldn't complain about a single thing. While dating him, a lot happened in his life that was stressful for him. I ended up figuring out he cheated on me. I had already gone to therapy, and talked to my therapist to help me. I decided I was ready to move on and felt like he was genuinely sorry for a one time mistake. His true colors started to show as time went on (even before the cheating). He became controlling, and if I wasn't responding he would blow up my phone a million times. With us, we had highs and lows. But the highs were amazing... I know we're deeply in love and I've never connected with someone like him. But I don't know why he does these things to me. He got kicked out of his house lately and is living with me. I was okay helping him but he stole money from me too and wouldn't even admit it was him until I had filed a police report. Everyone acts like it's easy to leave, but I'm so dedicated and thought he was my soulmate. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because everyone else is telling me to leave him.", "answer": "if you love someone who isn't treating you right than the word 'love' has lost its meaning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pq58g", "comment_id": "dcszz7s"}, {"question": "The window between 6pm and 9pm.", "description": "Do you guys find yourself going through your 'mental arguments' between 6pm and 9pm the most? I can go all day without thinking about it but when 6pm comes around... Oh a drink that inevitably turns into 8 would be nice.\n\nI also found if I can will myself to hold out until 9pm or so, I'm in the clear.\n\n38 more min left. ", "answer": "Oh yes..... It gets easier. I have 3 young kids, and often felt so exhausted/fed up after getting them settled that a drink seemed like the only solution.\n\n I'm now working on building a nice routine for this time....books, food, netflix. It takes more effort but it helps. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9esncr", "comment_id": "e5ry31q"}, {"question": "Puked up ssri before it was digested. Should I dose again?", "description": "Female, 20, 100 lbs, white. I took my usual vitamins (female multivitamin and 45 mg slow release iron) + antidepressant (10 mg generic prozac) this morning, and quickly started feeling nauseous (i suspect because my stomach wasn't full enough for the vitamin). I saw the ssri capsule in the puke, only partially dissolved. My question is, should I take another dose? I don't know if it's relevant, but I also take 30 mg vyvanse on weekdays (I skip weekends)", "answer": "10 mg is a low enough dose that there's no risk to taking a full double dose. Prozac also has such a long half\\-life that skipping one dose has little effect. You could go either way here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mi2io", "comment_id": "dznvkfz"}, {"question": "I feel like giving up", "description": "I can't take this any more. I feel like my brain is trying to find whatever bothers me a great amount and repeat it through my head the whole day until I find something that bothers me more. The only thing 20mg Prozac seems to be doing anymore is giving me constant Tinnitus, and this is the point where it's supposed to really start kicking in. I'm scared to do anything I like out of the fear of me associating it with something I hate. I'm constantly questioning everything that I've ever known. I can't even sleep. My life feels absolutely ruined and destroyed.", "answer": "Prozac isn't always the best choice for anxiety, so it may not be a fit for you. Don't give up. I took some meds that didn't help, and eventually found one that did. I know how torturous incessant OCD can be.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "46gu8s", "comment_id": "d051vfg"}, {"question": "[25/F] Gay friend [19/M] shows interest in me, BF [19/M] of 1yr+ doesn't know how to feel", "description": "**EDIT:** [update post](https://redd.it/6c4pdx)\n\nI have been living with my boyfriend L for over a year now; we're engaged and plan to marry in the not-too-distant future. We have a gay friend, E, who lives a few hours away, so we communicate mostly online. When we do meet up IRL, it always ends up with the three of us (or two if one is not present) cuddling platonicly.\n\nWe have known E for almost a year; I met him at a camp for LGBT youth that I was attending (but my boyfriend L wasn't). I sent L pics of me cuddling with E, and L got (understandably, but surprisingly) jealous until I told him E was gay and thus not interested in me.\n\nEver since first meeting him, I have had a crush on E, but I didn't expect anything to happen for obvious sexual incompatibility reasons. L has known about this crush from the start. I also ship E with L, since I think they would make a super cute gay couple; they both know I ship them.\n\nYesterday, E messaged me that he's probably more pansexual than exclusively gay, and that he has a crush on me. He also said he's interested in having sex with me. I immediately had L read the conversation.\n\nI'm not averse to the idea. The problem is that I'm asexual, which makes it harder for my boyfriend to understand what's going on. I'm actually demisexual, which for me means that I need a strong emotional connection with someone before sex becomes an option. In any case, I don't have sex for my own sake, since I have zero sex drive. Sex is something I do because the person I'm with likes it.\n\nAny advice on how to handle this situation, and how to help my boyfriend not panic?", "answer": "It will help everyone in this weird triangle if you stop labeling yourselves and start talking about what you want. \n\nGay pansexual dude is not a gay pansexual dude, he's a guy who wants to have sex with you. \n\nYou are not a demisexual asexual, you are considering having sex with someone who is not your (presumably exclusive monogamous) fianc\u00e9. \n\nTHAT situation is very straightforward. You can fuck the dude or not, ruin your relationship with fianc\u00e9 or not. Your choice. \n\nTo help your fianc\u00e9 not panic: tell him you won't be fucking other dude, then don't fuck the other dude. Then stop telling your fianc\u00e9 your sexual fantasies about the other dude. \n\nEdit: oh yeah, save the \"platonic\" cuddling nonsense for people you're not actively fantasizing about. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bh6fb", "comment_id": "dhmj2zz"}, {"question": "I relapsed (x-post from r/stopdrinking)", "description": "**i figured i should post this here cuz i post here too**\n\nI woke up this morning at 4:30 am still drunk from the night before. I was still tired, still wanted to go to sleep. But I was afraid that if I were to go back to sleep that I would most certainly die by choking on my own vomit if I were to do so. Over the course of the night, i had drank way more than i had drank in my life, yes even as an active alcoholic i never drank as much as i drank in one night as i did last night. I think i drank enough to kill a small human.\n\nI woke up with a vague recollection of some things, that i had to piece together by asking other people and txt message logs and shit like that. I was quite seriously out of it. I had only ever blacked out or browned out once in my life (tho, if it was more, would i really know?). I drunk texted someone who is like a co-sponsor, the person who got me to even think about quitting drinking. And he's quite pissed (i'm always worried that he's pissed but this time i know it's serious). I've pissed off a quite understanding Pastor friend of mine, who is in the program and is not the kind of person who gets angry (he's a lutheran pastor and they are seriously just happy that someone asks for help).\n\nWhy did I drink? Well, It started with a panic attack on wednesday night, i awoke at 3am with an intense pressure in my body, the same pressure i've had before when having panic attacks and didn't want to go to the ER at 3am. So i took what was handy which were some percocets that i got from my MIL. Yes, i know, i need to stop taking pills from her. I'm working on that. So I took some and went back to sleep cuz they mellowed me out. Then went about my day, things went great, i did some big things with church and stuff was very happy felt the best i had in a while, was so happy to have turned a corner. Later that day, i was sitting at home and decided to for no reason in particular to take a handful of percocet. woke up sick, took a few more, went about my day. woke up sick, went to therapy, felt like a dick for using, told 1 friend.\n\nThat one friend said i need to come clean. Asked around the webchat on sunday, was told i need to come clean about relapsing. Didn't want to have to go in and say, I FUCKED UP. Especially since, someone in a meeting (my former sponsor) told me I was going to relapse because I wasn't doing it for myself so it was going to happen. This was in response to me saying that, I didn't want to drink but was afraid I was going to relapse. I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're right. I didn't. So upon stress due to the pressure of having to be truthful, I drank. And I drank more than ever before because I couldn't deal with all the AA and shit that i've got going on in my head. It took a lot to get me past that feeling of guilt and shame.\n\nBut now i know, this shit will fucking kill me if i don't get it together. I can't drink like i did before going to meetings, because the first place i go is guilt. And it'll just be harder and harder because i'm driving away the people that want to help.", "answer": "I don't know if you work the steps, if not disregard.\n\nFrom what I understand of the BB, it tells me that a relapse, short of someone pouring a drink down my throat, is always precipitated by inaction on my part. From my experience and the collective experiences of many I know, if I do the things laid out in the twelve steps, and I do them to the best of my ability, then I won't drink. I'm not saying that I'll be insured happiness, freedom from panic attacks, and immunity to the opinions of others, but I won't have to drink. See from my perspective, a panic attack and fear of others didn't MAKE you drink. An obsession beyond your control made a drink the only option. The thing is, that obsession is there in part due to inaction on your part in diligently working the twelve steps.\n\nThis sounds condemning and judgmental, I'm sorry if it offends you. I don't know every circumstance in your life nor your work in AA, but the understandings and beliefs I have of the twelve steps make this a cut and dry case for me. It is however just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt depending upon how sobriety looks for you. Just thought I'd offer my perspective.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20ohsr", "comment_id": "cg5ts9w"}, {"question": "I [36/m] feel terrible with my situation with my gf[37/f] and ex[27/f].", "description": "I have been with my current gf for almost 6 months. We have broke up twice in that time because I had and still have feelings for my ex. Each time we broke up nothing came from the contact I had with my ex. My current gf loves me and I think I love her, but the relationship just feels like a safe choice in my life. We get along, don't fight, I believe she truly does love me. So naturally I feel like a complete dick because deep down inside I still want my ex back. My ex recently contacted me, and more or less hinted at the idea of trying again, but I told her I was seeing someone and I didn't want to go thru all of it again where I make myself available again and she disappears (which happened both times). I told the ex I rather just try and be friends. But I feel myself being pulled in the direction of messing things up all over again, and I don't want to do that to my gf again. But I also know that if I feel this way I shouldn't be with her in the first place.. Yeah I'm probably just afraid to be alone which makes me shitty for even being with the gf, but I want to be done dating. I want to find that person I can spend my life with, and I just don't know if shes the one even though it would be easy to, I hate to say it but, settle. \n\ntl;dr Ex wants me back now, again.. but I don't know if I should consider the option even though I am not fully satisfied with my current gf. Afraid to be alone, afraid to settle, and tired of hurting everyones feelings. ", "answer": "don't settle. if there's a chance you and your ex can be 100% fantastic, then go back to her and get counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72tmx7", "comment_id": "dnl5q2x"}, {"question": "23yo girlfriend wants to go on a 2 week break to see if she misses me (22/M)", "description": "So last night my girlfriend said that she wanted to cut all contact for 2 weeks to see if she'd miss me or not. She reckons this will help our relationship as currently it seems to be that I'm the only one who is still interested. She keeps saying she 'doesn't know' if she wants to be together anymore. \n\nShe gets angry at me if I ask her any questions about how she's feeling and says that 'I'm pushing an answer on her'. \n\nWhat do I do? I don't want to be walked over and I certainly don't want to pour my heart out anymore if she isn't willing to do the same. \n\nWe've been together just under 6 months. \n\nThanks in advance! Could you please post if you're M or F too, so I can see if opinions differ. ", "answer": "no choice but to give space. recommend agreeing not to date others, and decide on amount of contact over next 2 weeks. if she waffles beyond that, and isn't totally into you,don't waste your time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxw2k", "comment_id": "ddxsm42"}, {"question": "i have a huge urge to cut everyone off. im so sick of everyone.", "description": "i thought me getting my diagnosis on paper would change something. i was really stupid to think that. of course it didnt. people still dont see me or hear me. they dont take my mental disorder seriously. so i have like 4 friends. one of them is actually so fucking good to me all the time and there for me but shes busy mostly and cant hang out much. the other 3 i have a problem with. the 2 of them are girls and we are like ~besties~ but we're not lol. i dont feel like theyre my best friends at all. one of them unloads shit on us and talks abt herself like all the time. when i talk abt my problems shes like oh lol that sucks ANYWays my life is harder lol. the second one is extremely passive and when i tell her my problems shes just like :))) ohh .... \nmy third friend has been my best friend since high school and he also dismisses my problems like lol dat sux. i feel so unloved in these friendships it makes me so mad. i wanna stop talking to them. i wanna tell them how horrible i feel in these friendships. but in the end it doesnt matter because they will never understand. what should i do ? please someone help i dont know what to do and i feel so horrible", "answer": "You gotta be responsible for your own problems andnot rely on others to make it better. Talking it out is supposed to help because it gets it off your chest, and gives you someone to listen to you, that's usually it. What do you want them to do? What response would you like?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "h8opzc", "comment_id": "fuspqt1"}, {"question": "Do I need professional help or is this everyone's experience of New Jersey?", "description": "I am a 45 years old man who travels all over the country for work. This summer I've been working in NJ three days a week. Work for me is lots of driving a full sized van (8 hours or more per day), and working short 2nd shift (usually four or five hours). It's relatively high pressure so theres work related stress...not stress about my own abilities or self doubt, but there are a lot of moving parts that have to mesh. THAT stress is nothing new and it is manageable. \n\nI am far from perfect in every way, and I try not to hold people to standards that are too high, but I think there ought to be some minimum amount of common decency everyone shows. This is where my problem with New Jersey comes in.\n\nInteracting with people in NJ has me worried about my mental health. I try to drive carefully on the road no matter how I'm feeling inside...I don't drive around speeding in a rage. But inside, I absolutely HATE all the people around me. I see them as vile and cruel and despicable. After a few hours interacting with people on the Jersey Turnpike, all I see are selfish people doing terrible things. If I stop for a coffee or something, everyone looks like a selfish monster to me. And I KNOW it's in my head, but I cant help but focus on every selfish or inconsiderate thing I see, and boy there is plenty of it. I try podcasts and music to change my mood, but its a fleeting reprieve. I get so angry it gives me headaches. I cant eat more than a couple of bites of food per day and I barely sleep...but its only for three days a week so I persevere.\n\nWhen I return home to my family, I get back around 2 or 3 in the morning, way too wound up to sleep. When I wake up late morning, I clean the kitchen and even though I'm home how, I'm still not right. I'll be easily angered for the whole day, and I usually do something impulsive and stupid like throw away a sink full of dirty dishes instead of washing them. I try not to snap at my family but even when I'm quietly trying to mind my own business, playing on my phone, or what have you, my family actls like I'm a dog who's about to bite.\n\nIt may be worth noting that I've not had this reaction with California, Georgia, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, Maryland, South Carolina, New York, Kentucky or West Virginia. The people in Pennsylvania have been the kindest and most considerate people I've met so far.", "answer": "It\u2019s not just the high cost of living that drives people out of Jersey. \n\nCan I ask what moved you there? \n\nIt sounds like you\u2019re taking the right steps to decompress, you\u2019re just never getting the full effects of it- am I reading that right? My personal view is that our stress tolerance is like a cup that keeps getting filled. We can only drink so fast, but situations may cause the flow to surge or trickle. When we are feeling great we can drink much better, but when we have mental situations going on, we are basically waterboarding ourselves. Sometimes we can put up a dam, like mobile phone games, to hold the stressors back, but when the game ends that water will still be there, plus the regular flow. Self-care is a great way to make your cup a little bigger (hold more water before overflowing) and it sounds like you\u2019re taking steps to try to do that. It\u2019s hard to improve a cup when it\u2019s already on the brink of overflow, though. \n\nWhen\u2019s the last time you escaped, gotten out of there on a laid-back vacation? I don\u2019t mean running around Disney World, but had time to yourself without worries and away from the roads. You sound like you might be due for some serious me-time. Doesn\u2019t have to be a big trip- depending where you are it could be just over the border in PA or NY or somewhere in south jersey for a while. Might be nice for the family to see you relax for a while, too.\n\nYou also do have a stressful line of work (especially in a land where people can\u2019t drive!). I I don\u2019t know enough about the industry do you know of any specifics but I did find a [resource](https://www.nonforceddispatch.com/importance-of-mental-health-fitness-in-truckers)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chrc1s", "comment_id": "euxwrt3"}, {"question": "Me (30) dating (23) asexual girl", "description": "Just met this girl, things have been going great until the first time we slept together. She made no noise, no look on her face, I swear she looked bored. She tells me that she's asexual, that she doesn't feel any pleasure in the act of lovemaking.\n\nI'm no Don Juan and don't think I'm the greatest in bed, but I've never had an experience like that. It was the worst sexual experience I've ever had. I derive pleasure in sex from pleasing my partner. I wasn't enjoying myself and she had the same look as if I was folding clothes. Hell we were both bored.\n\nHas anyone else had this issue before? If so, how did you overcome it?", "answer": "There's no overcoming it unless she makes a concerted effort in therapy, which even then, might not be changeable. A relationship with her will be impossible. Just be friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6li4yh", "comment_id": "dju0h20"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean? Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country? \n \nFeel free to private message me. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "cinqhw8"}, {"question": "Nobody cares about you unless you have something to offer.", "description": "Its all such bullshit. All the \"treatments\" for depression, the CBT all that bullshit. To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it. \nAll the self love, deluding and fighting with your own thoughts isn't going to make you happy. \nThere is no such thing as unconditional love. Nobody is really \"there for you\". If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you. \n\nWe dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy. \nMy faith right now is in pharmaceuticals. As a person I am useless to society unless I can radically change my personality and induce happiness. \n\nAlso, I've noticed when Im happy Its because I've achieved some goal or im doing well. But when Im depressed its because im failing but it also makes me more aware of the suffering in the world. All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness. \n\nIts like to be happy you have to block out other people and the rest of the world. You cant have a good time and think about the suffering in the world at the same time. It all feels so ugly. People are only nice when they feel happy and they are only happy when they are keeping up with everyone else and everyone is scared of being alone and having nothing. ", "answer": ">To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it.\n \nYou would be surprised how many people who are \"successful\" who are miserable. That is because what society tells us will make us happy isn't necessarily what makes us happy. \n\n>If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you.\n\nTrue, a person would have to be a very good friend to help a depressed individual. That doesn't mean they don't exist. \n\n>We dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy.\n\nMost friendships are based on reciprocal needs being fulfilled, true. If one person is doing all of the taking, and giving nothing in return it will be difficult to maintain a friendship. Unless you are friends with a person who only wants someone they can give to. \n\n > All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness.\n\nThat's because people with depression have distorted thinking. I've felt extreme levels of hopelessness, and the feeling that the world is nothing but misery. That isn't a rational thought, however. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fi363", "comment_id": "ctp0uwr"}, {"question": "How do you feel about clients looking up your social media profile?", "description": "And how do you respond when they admit to it?", "answer": "I don't really care. Makes sense for them to know more about me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d6oz2a", "comment_id": "f0v112z"}, {"question": "Important question for everyone", "description": "Judging by my research, most of the posts of depressed people who complain about lack of social skills and being unemployed in their mid or late 20s have to do with their social isolation - after finishing university they sit at home hopelessly wasting their lives (good if they also read books and study something, bad if they only play video games and watch porn), then they come to the point that it's important to do something - they start posting on forums like this and for depressed people, seeing that life is not that bad after all and they can still change everything, earn good wages and build a family (if they want to) in the future provided that THEY HAVE A WISH TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY LIKE WORKING (job).\n\nNow the whole point of the thread - question - how do these people start working if (also judging by my research) nobody hires you with bad social skills, nobody gives you a chance?\n\nBut on the contrary i see that people with bad social skills also manage to find jobs - even in sales - , plus there are a lot of professional degree requiring jobs for people with not-so-good social skills (just google jobs for introverts): all jobs in IT, economists, analysts, actuaries, engineers, scientists, etc.\n\nIf it's true then there's something wrong with my research, it means that people with bad social skills CAN also find jobs and that's the answer to my question, otherwise if they finished both school and university and got no more places to socialize and increase one's social skills except at work (where they can't get hired) then they failed in life and it's pretty much over for them.\n\n", "answer": "You're pretty spot on with most of what you're saying here. Good job. \n\n\nTo answer your question of \"How do these people start working if nobody hires you with bad social skills?\"\n\n\nWell you basically answered your own question. There are plenty of jobs that are not dependent on having great social skills. Basically any job that has more to do with creating something material, working on projects independently that don't require much social interaction. With jobs like these employers are more interested in skills, knowledge, and experience. While good social skills are always sought after, it's not a higher priority in some professions.\n\n\nOne more thing to keep in mind. There is a very big difference between not having good social skills and having very bad social skills. Someone lacking good social skills may be anxious in conversations and expressing themselves verbally, communicating effectively while working on team projects vs someone with bad social skills who are frequently insulting people or making racist/misogynistic/homophobic/etc. remarks or flying off the handle and yelling at bosses or colleagues. Doing things that would reflect poorly on the company's image. In most cases, you're not going to get hired if you show signs of poor social skills because it's not worth the risk to the company. \n\n\nFortunately, I don't think the majority of the people fall into the extreme of poor social skills but rather the former of lacking good social skills. Many people lacking social skills often have issues with social anxiety which tricks them into thinking it'll be impossible for them to be hired. That way they don't have to face their anxiety and go on interviews or deal with the anxiety working a job creates. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8plpec", "comment_id": "e0civme"}, {"question": "Day 40. When does it get better?", "description": "Maybe I'm just supposed to be a kid/person who smokes once a night. When I limit it to only at night a few hits I get more talkative and inquisitive. The problem was more when I had a lot of wax and hit the pen all day, or ripped tobacco plus weed in bongs. I'm thinking about going back to smoking. Feel like I should have seen better improvements without it. \n\nNow I just feel like a mute piece of shit tbh. Maybe the underlying problem is depression. But I'm trying to address that with medicine and therapy. Fuck.", "answer": "For me, it was hard to fully address my underlying mental health issues while using. My medications could not overcome the affects of all the THC in my system. I got to a point in therapy where the coping \"tools\" I was building for myself were about 80-90% complete, but it was like I just couldn't get that last part worked out until I was sober. \n\n\nWeed will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year. You can always go back to using later. I suggest trying to focus on just staying sober today. Cravings are like waves - if I can distract myself for 15 minutes it will most likely pass. If I am feeling really low and I just can't seem to kick it, it's okay to go to bed early. Tomorrow is another day, and I will probably feel differently then.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4buyb2", "comment_id": "d1crrzc"}, {"question": "[29/F] My fiance [32/M] has an income that is 3x mine and says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for not being more financially successful. I am offended. Am I overreacting?", "description": "My fiance worked hard to get a Bachelor's degree in Engineering and has a six-figure income (over 3x mine). He also is obsessed with saving money, so he has impressive emergency funds for if things go badly and retirement funds.\n\nI have been dating him for 2.5 years and living with him for over one year.\n\nWhen I was younger, I decided to get a Bachelor's degree in Psychology because I enjoyed studying it. Unlike his family, my parents did not talk to me about picking a degree where you were confident you could get a high-paying, stable job. Now that I am struggling and making $35,000 a year, I am trying to turn my life around and go back to school for something more lucrative that also interests me.\n\nHe keeps telling me that my lack of financial success is mainly due to \"excuses\" I make. These comments from him are unsolicited- and even if I sat around all day complaining about my situation, I still think they come across as rude. He does not acknowledge the very different life circumstances we had. He also says I don't contribute enough in general, and someone like me with a Bachelor's degree and no kids should be doing better in life.\n\nAm I taking this too personally? I get the sense that he thinks I am not good enough for him.\n\ntl;dr My fiance makes six figures, I don't, and he says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for my situation. Am I overreacting?", "answer": "Many couples have income disparities, and they are several ways to handle it. Of those ways, rude badgering is among the dumbest. It doesn't sound like your own spending is the main issue here (you're outspending what you make on your own needs and he's subsidizing that), although if that's a factor that is something you can control now. Assuming it's not that, there's probably no quick fix (oh, lemme go get my MD this weekend), and his comments solve nothing. \n\nIf you want to fix this, I'd advise getting to the bottom of what's really bothering him. Is it about what you can afford as a pair now, is he concerned for your future, or are you right that you're not good enough for him because of your salary (charming!).\n\nNo matter what: don't enter a marriage like this. I also like what the other guy said about the fork.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "50upr2", "comment_id": "d7768q6"}, {"question": "I am giving up on making my boyfriend understand me. I still love him, and don\u2019t want to lose him, but i just can\u2019t deal anymore with me telling I meant A, and he saying no you meant B. Is it the end of my relationship? Can I still try to make it work ?", "description": "He says things about my character that really offend me, I don\u2019t think I am that way, but he doesn\u2019t accept it. And keeps torturing me until I say \u201cyes, I am that and I agree with this kind of thing\u201d.\nI\u2019m done with this, and I am thinking about stop fighting for making him understand me and just agree with everything. Should i still care about what he thinks or just say fuck it ?", "answer": "Nothing feels worse than being told who we are, what we think or what we feel. \n\n\"can I still try to make it work?\" \n\nYour question stands out to me... the use of \"I\" instead of \"we\" gives me the impression you feel as though you are fighting for this relationship alone :(\n\nAlso, and super importantly. ... this is totally abusive of him and, as hard as it is right now- you are so worthy of more.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fhb62g", "comment_id": "fka1w0z"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "g4in5l9"}, {"question": "What is something you consider to be a relapse than most others do not? Or vice versa?", "description": "For example: if I\u2019m sick I\u2019ll take NyQuil which I know has alcohol in it. I would say most consider that using. I think some people get a bit too extreme (avoiding tomato vodka sauce, rum raisin ice cream, Listerine mouth wash, etc.) Just curious more than anything else. ", "answer": "If I were to start cutting again. Even once. Before treatment and for about the first six months the urge was strong and I refused to let myself slip. Sometimes I still get the urge, but to me it would be the same as drinking ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7tkvv7", "comment_id": "dtdq26d"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this. If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fk7zg0h"}, {"question": "A new Bio", "description": "So long over due. Alcohol has been my constant companion for 47 years. (Since 10 years old). It has preoccupied every aspect of my life. My companion turned me in to a finely tuned,high functioning alcoholic. Good times, bad times, in a group or alone. It was always time for a drink. It was never time to stop. \n My true companion, my wife has loved me and put up with my constant companion for 37 years. I've never been abusive in any way. We raised two sons that have turned into very good men.\n I've been sober nearly 100 days now. Since my son and pregnant daughter in-law saw me black out and hit my head late one evening after a day of vodka, then gin. (Told you I was a Finley tuned machine). The wife was out of town.\n The new Bio: I welcomed in to the world today, my first Grandchild. A beautiful baby girl. What an incentive to stay my course. I want her mother to know that she will always be looked after at our house. I want my wife to know the other companion is gone. \n I never want my baby girl to know a drunk Grandpa \n I wrote this so I can look back and remember this day. Thanks if you made it through the whole ramble. If it helps anyone, all the better\n IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Great. What a gift a sober grand dad will be ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9eue23", "comment_id": "e5rxw9l"}, {"question": "After 16 years of crippling anxiety and depression, I finally sought help. I am shocked...", "description": "I am 30. I have been suffering from near debilitating depression/anxiety for more than half my life. I finally sought help. It took some work to find someone nearby that would accept my insurance and could get me in reasonably soon. I was so relieved. Maybe there was still some hope for a better future.\n\n\nWhen I finally saw the therapist, she said we should avoid medication. She taught me breathing exercises, told me to get active, and think positive. Are you fucking serious? I should just \"be happy\"? Do you know how many times I have heard that shit? I did not expect this from a therapist. I wanted REAL help. I am just baffled. I feel like the last flame of hope was just extinguished.", "answer": "Marsha Lenehan, the woman who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), said she borrowed techniques from Buddhism. It is one of the most research validated treatments available for mental illness. Breathing techniques are not that stupid. Hyperventilation occurs unconsciously due to hypersensitivity to stimuli and there occurs a cascade of physiological consequences to that hyperventilation. Meditation, slows your breath and with practice a person can be trained to obtain a peaceful relaxed frame of mind. Anxiety and depression are characterized by distressing thoughts and feelings. Through mindful breath training you can actually change structures in your brain. Here is one research study:\nhttp://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322316000792\nThere are many others. The good news is improvements occur quickly and steadily. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6ievd0", "comment_id": "dj6fwcy"}, {"question": "How do i deal with the symptoms of invalidation fro. Childhood as an adult?", "description": "I was reading an article on psychology today about emotional invalidation and it describes me to a T\n\n*\"Some people deal with this by turning inward. They may have learned that it does not matter if they speak up or not, their needs will still not be met. They may become quiet and withdrawn.\u00a0\"*\n\n*\"Common Signs of Childhood Neglect in Adults:\n\nTrouble understanding emotions and mood\n\nTrouble trusting emotions and mood\n\nDiscounting your concerns as unimportant\n\nHopelessness\n\nFeeling as if something is missing\n\nLow esteem\n\nExistential fear\n\nProblems understanding the reality of a situation\n\nProblems judging intensity\n\nChronic\u00a0depression\n\nPerceived as cold or aloof\n\nAnxiety\u00a0involving emotional closeness\n\nAdults that suffered from childhood neglect may continue the cycle by currently neglecting themselves.\"*\n\nAny articles on how to begin the healing process", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear about your childhood experiences. That's a long list of symptoms there. If you can relate to most of them I'd say you have a whole lot on your plate. Unfortunately, there's no 1 quick fix to these things or a specific book or article that I could point you towards. You probably don't need to hear this, but I would recommend getting connected with a good therapist who's a good fit for you. You can start exploring how all of these things started to come about and what you can do to overcome them. \n\n\nSomething that isn't mentioned here that as a therapist I also see a lot for folks that were neglected substantially through childhood is feeling an intense need to get validation from others in their adult lives. This causes all sorts of problems and can often be a barrier to therapy if/when the person has an instance when they don't feel validated by the therapist and it sends them running off. \n\n\nEveryone wants validation. There's nothing wrong or abnormal with that. Needing it to the point where it's causing distress in your relationships and daily functioning if/when you don't get it is problematic. My goal in working with clients like this is to help them learn how to validate themselves, accept themselves, and feel that they are a worthwhile person regardless of whether they get this from anyone else. I hope your journey takes you to this place. Best of luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcde3w", "comment_id": "ekqic2m"}, {"question": "Meeting the girl for the first time tommorow... How to not act stupid and awkward?", "description": "So yesterday, i was bored and it was 2am. One girl posted her ask.fm link and because we both love the same music style (classic rock, fuck yeah) i started asking her questions about bands etc.\n\n\nWe were texting for the whole night, we ended up saying goodbye to eachother at 5am. I refused to text her on facebook, because i hate meeting people on this stupid site, i prefer meeting people, especially girls in real life, because i had a lot more success with them irl than on facebook.\n\n\nAnyway, looks like we'll go to the same concert this saturday and she said that I need to immediatly talk to her if i see her there. I'm still new at meeting girls since i never had self confidence but since hitting the gym, my mentality changed and so did my confidence. I'm looking for tips on how to approach to this girl without being goofy and awkward at all. I'm also looking for more than friendship, so maybe any flirting tips? \n\n\nThanks.", "answer": "The best way to act stupid and awkward is to worry about acting stupid and awkward. Relax, take a few deep breathes and remember. The worst case scenario is that she doesn't like you. That's about as bad as it gets. It doesn't feel great, but it's not going to ruin your life. \n\nAlso, no matter what happens you will learn something from this and it will help you in the future. So even if it doesn't go great, the next time will be better. \n\nSo just take it easy, focus on getting to know her and enjoy her company. Oh and she's probably just as nervous as you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3gyn5c", "comment_id": "cu2sfvn"}, {"question": "Could it be MS without lesions?", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5\u20198\n\nWeight: 140 \n\nRace: Caucasian / Eastern European\n\nDuration of Complaint: 8/9 years \n\nLocation: Currently in the southeast US, but have lived in all parts of US over past four years.\n\nLocation of complaint: Muscles (back of calves is the absolute worst), Eyes, Neurological, Legs, hands, hair falling out,severe fatigue, severe tremor\n\nExisting medical issues: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pernicious Anemia, Epilepsy, Lupus, Sj\u00f6grens, PTSD, MDD\n \u2014--Past Medical Problems: Acute liver failure, Hepatitis C, Meningitis, Sepsis (2), Endocarditis, Hyperthyroidism \n\nCurrent Medications: Celebrex, Keppra, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Prozac, Klonopin, Flexeril, valacyclovir, \n\n\nOkay so I have not yet seen my rheumy, but blood work confirmed the Lupus and RA. I have been diagnosed with MS but then another MRI showed no lesions so they said that was not it. Another MRI showed lesions, but the doctor said they were from migraines (which I only get one every two years or so) and I\u2019m not sure how she could tell the difference. \nAnyway, I think the RA and Lupus don\u2019t cover all of my symptoms. I have a severe, permanent tremor in my hands. I have blurry vision, no night vision, faded vision, and eye pain in one eye - the same eye and have had this since I was 16 and it\u2019s gotten worse. No eye doctor seems to know what\u2019s going on. \nI have a horrible heat intolerance but also a horrible cold intolerance, although heat makes me flare up so much worse. \nMost days I cannot get out of bed. The days I can, I can hardly stand or walk and must use assistance. The back of my calves give me the absolute worst pain out of anywhere on my body. To the point I start hitting them with heavy objects because that feels better than the actual pain. It\u2019s a tight pain and no matter how much I massage it or sit in hot water they never get better. \nI\u2019m just not convinced it\u2019s just RA and Lupus. \n\nCan you have MS with no lesions? can lesions come and go? Is there really a way to tell what lesions are from? (Like from a migraine or MS?)\nMS and all of these autoimmune disorders are in both sides of my family as far back as you can go. \nI\u2019m only 25, I shouldn\u2019t feel like this or hurt like this. The Neurological effects are horrible and embarrassing. \nI\u2019ve been trying for so long for a doctor to take me seriously. This one reluctantly do extra bloodwork and was surprised when the RA factor and everything was positive. \nMy muscles seem to be atrophying. I can\u2019t wear bras or bathing suits because of the pressure the put on my neck and/or shoulders. \n\nI really don\u2019t know what to do anymore. This is no life for anyone, especially a 25 year old. I\u2019m in so much pain I think about just ending it all. \n\nCan a doctor answer my questions or give me advice? Because I\u2019m just at a loss here.", "answer": "The first question I have is just one of sorting out historical imaging. MS, or at least the common relapsing-remitting form of MS, classically occurs with lesions that appear and disappear (along with attacks that resolve). Migraines usually don't have any specific MRI findings, although there are some exceptions.\n\nIs all the imaging available to the same doctor? Changes over time or lack thereof are very helpful for neurologists to clarify the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmh22l", "comment_id": "ew2adz6"}, {"question": "Me (31m) gf(29f) of 6 .5 years are having issues and she has got alot of sexting from guys a long time ago and it gave me trust issues, please need advice!", "description": "\n\n\n I am having alot of issues with my girlfriend and life. We both do drugs but she mostly just does weed. Well I decided to quit recently and have been in withdrawal for about 21 days now and doing better. At my dad's she is at our home now. Little background, she got probably 4-5 calls within 2 years from random black men all wanting to mess around again ,what they say. She says it was a miss understanding and she never messed with any of them, well I believed her each time but it has made me not trust her and I started looking thru her stuff but never found anything. That was about 3 years ago. I've gotten alot better but everyone and a while I'll crack and snoop. I hate it and I did the other day... Remember my mind isn't in the best state now BC detoxing.well I got on her fb the other day and miss interpreted her wall, I'm never on fb deactivated but got on for some reason. Well I sent her fb txt so I wouldn't wake her, we live together but in separate rooms BC I snore loud. So I sent the txt all upset and and nasty about what I saw, which was. Nothing. Now she said she is done with me BC she said I could never do that to her again. Well it's been really hard BC I am trying to quit drugs and be better for us and everyone! Well she said she planed on moving out which I hope to stop. I'm at my dad's detoxing still past couple days. She dosent want me txting her she said today so I said OK. I'm about to start therapy next week BC I think she's not cheating or like to think. She's not a slut BC it took us a month to do it but recently she has put a code in her phone BC she said she dosent want me on it and she has told me she misses going out which she hasn't except with me. She got new gf and has started going out late at bars with them which worries me but I try and not to care but it's hard.im not sure what to do! What would you all do in my shoes?\n\nTL;DR: (31m me) (29f my gf) has got sexting in past and it's messed with my head and she's leaving me while I'm withdrawaling from drugs 20 days clean.", "answer": "good for you that you're 20 days clean. that's great news. everyone has a past; don't worry about it. stay sober and your life will improve. good luck. keep up the great work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dkgic", "comment_id": "di3feqj"}, {"question": "Does alcohol really effect antibiotics?", "description": "Sex: male\nAge: 30\nHeight and Weight: 6\u20191 195\nRace: White \n\nHad to take some antibiotics and went out drinking a bit later. Will they still work?", "answer": "Not enough information. Alcohol affects some antibiotics. Some antibiotics affect alcohol. Most have no effect either way.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aarq97", "comment_id": "ecuhdy1"}, {"question": "Yesterday I just walked out without any purpose", "description": "I had the idea to confront myself with my anxieties and just walked out without any purpose. I drove with the bus to our inner city here in L\u00fcnen, Germany, and asked random people for a cigarette (usuallly I don't smoke, it was just a test) as a confrontation therapy to overcome social fear. \n\nAnd I learnt that being denied (only two of 10 people I asked gave me a cigarette), that feeling of someone telling you 'no' is not a great feeling, yes, it is negative but it did not kill me. I registered it as a negative feeling that came and went away after a while. Like all feelings.\n\nNow I have less anxiety talking to strangers or asking something because being denied is not that crucial as I always thought it would be. \n\nWhat I want to tell you: just try to do the things you are afraid of! It will be uncomfortable but you will feel a feeling of success that is great!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHave a nice day.", "answer": "Great task to give yourself. It definitely helps with fear of rejection because a lot of people no matter how friendly they might be, won't give out cigarettes. I hate when people ask me. \n\nMay I offer a suggestion for helping with socialization? Do the same thing, but don't ask for cigarettes. Have them and ask people that are smoking and standing around for a light saying you lost your lighter. If they're just hanging out, outside of a bar, or in a park, or whatever, spark up a conversation while you smoke. Folks will be much more likely to give you a light and engage you in conversation than if you ask for a cigarette. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kp9sn", "comment_id": "e710h7c"}, {"question": "What specialist are the most trusted in diagnosing dyslexia and/or ADHD? Please help...currently a surgery resident with no residency.", "description": "So I am a resident physician.... I have gotten this far with really really hard work. Every program I have been in has not offered me a permanent position even though my clinical work has been labeled excellent, especially in critical care and thoracic surgery, due to the fact that my colleagues score better than I on our yearly board exams. My father has severe dyslexia and my sister as well. And now, at 32, after heavy self reflection, I have noticed I have signs and symptoms c/w moderate dyslexia and ADHD.\nPlease help.\n", "answer": "This is very much in a neuropsychologist's wheelhouse. I'm surprised no one has mentioned it. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "3a8f87", "comment_id": "csavfz0"}, {"question": "Medical professionals who dont even think this is a real disorder.", "description": "I feel like a heap of the doctors I go to don't even believe it is a disorder. \nIts really hard trying to grasp a diagnosis which sums you up in one sentence when a heap of our would just thinks its one big excuse. \n", "answer": "It's not just Drs. Many really great therapists don't think it's a good diagnosis for other reasons. BPD is largely about inconvenience to other people and impact to resources. Women get the DX at a two to three times the rate of men, get described as malingering at a higher rate and get disbelieved at a much higher rate. People with a BPD Dx usually score high on the ACEs survey and it has a massive co-occurrence rate with childhood sexual assault and Invalidation. BPD isn't seen as legitimate often because all of the issues that create and make up BPD aren't seen as legitimate. If I'm talking with someone who has a history of Invalidation, lack of safety and emotional insecurity, shouldn't I expect there to be a big chance that they'd have a bunch of the sys of BPD? To me it's not a great diagnosis because it describes how someone has tried to deal with their problems, not what they are struggling against. Clients with poor access to emergency mental health services or bad health insurance shouldn't get a DX of BPD at a higher rate. The diagnosis is often as much about how poorly the health system has served someone as it is about that someone. Sorry to rant but I get you and hate that this is as good as they say they can do for you because I know if we were all just a bit more compassionate to people, this wouldn't be so common and so destructive. \n\nImaging living in a tribe of 200 people, all of whom knew your name, valued you as a part of the group and believed you were great just by being you. How long do you think BPD lasts in that environment? Now who's fucked up? You or us? It's us. We're the ones letting you down, not you letting us down. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5yfb9c", "comment_id": "deprewd"}, {"question": "what's the best way to die peacefully", "description": " i am out of options, people around me can't help and our suicide prevention is shit. everytime i try they just keep pestering me \n ", "answer": "The best way to die peacefully is to grow old, live a happy life and die in your sleep of natural causes.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b0kziu", "comment_id": "eif9ls5"}, {"question": "I just want it all to end.", "description": "I don't know what to say, I'm trying to avoid a wall of text because then I'll just ramble on about nonsense. I'm 17, overweight, ugly, used to be an honors student, then I don't know what happened. I barely have any friends outside of school, never kissed a girl, I find little to no enjoyment out of activities I loved, and everything about my life just sucks, is getting worse, and I'm tired of it.\n\nLately it feels like almost everyday I just think about being dead, what would it be like, would the pain go away, would anyone miss me, would anyone be happy I was gone...I want to die, I don't want to continue living, they say there's light at the end of the tunnel, but it feels like I walked right into a dead end in a cave. \n\nI keep asking my mom to take me to a psychiatrist, but she just plays it off, says I'm an ungrateful teenager, medication won't help you. I just want to die, I feel like one day I'm going to just throw myself in front of a bus, that way maybe people will think it was an accident.", "answer": "Hi, what about a school counselor? Would they take your feelings seriously? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28njh9", "comment_id": "ciclp5w"}, {"question": "Can an open relationship work?", "description": "If both parties are willing to explore other things / people....is it a good or bad thing in the long term. Does it stop cheating? Does it encourage jealousy? Is it a good or bad idea.....\n", "answer": "rarely. you have to be the kind of person that does not get emotionally attached one-one the way most of us in western culture do from day one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nmau4", "comment_id": "dkam51o"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now. He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship. \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me. I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way). I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me. I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "dgzf7n7"}, {"question": "Spouse is showing signs of schizophrenia. (x-post from r/schizophrenia)", "description": "I'm sorry if this post is a bit long winded, but I have no idea how to deal with this and have not confided in any of my family/friends as to what is going on.\nMy husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. During this this time he has always struggled with depression, anxiety and insomnia. The past couple of years have been better though, up until about 2 weeks ago. It started when our neighbors were being a bit loud, and my husband swore they were talking about him. I thought this was odd, but since one of them is an old friend of his who he had a falling out with I figured it might be true. Well this continued for a few days, even when no one was there. I didn't know what to think. Well that has quickly progressed to him being 100% convinced that our neighbors have cameras in our house and they are constantly talking to him, saying mean things to him, commenting on everything he does, saying he is being watched by the police and that if he doesn't do certain things (like smoke cigarettes outside) that they will arrest him. He spent hours going from the front porch to the back porch because they told him they were going to come out and talk to them and me so I wouldn't think he was crazy (I have never used that word with him). He thinks this is all completely real. When he leaves the house, he doesn't hear any voices at all. I ask him why he can hear them and I can't (he says the voices are not coming from his head) he says that it's because my hearing isn't very good (which is true to a point, but I'm not even remotely considered deaf or anything like that). He's not showing any anger or anything like that towards me, or saying anything about self harm (but I worry it will eventually progress to that), but he is very frustrated that I don't believe him. I don't want to act like what he is hearing is real, but I also don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I made an appointment to see a therapist in about a week and a half, because I know I have to take care of myself during this and hopefully they can give me some advice. But until then what do I do? How do I react to what he says he is hearing? It's so frightening, I see the pain and fear and frustration he's going through right now. He believes it is so real that it makes me wonder if I'm not the one acting crazy for not believing him.\nI wonder if it runs in the family. When his mom was his age (34) she developed a very bad drinking problem, and ended up being diagnosed with dementia/schizophrenia from years of drinking. Now I wonder if that was the reason she started drinking and it just didn't get diagnosed until later.\nIf anyone can offer any advice or wisdom I would really appreciate it.", "answer": "If he'll cop to being stressed or upset or afraid, does he recognize any allies/sources of help beyond you?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "684bgu", "comment_id": "dgwe5pd"}, {"question": "Can I detox during birthcontrol?", "description": "Hello, I am a 16yo, female, im Latina, 1.55 meters tall and I weight 55kg. \nI don't take drugs or drink alcohol.\nI only take birthcontrol (Gynera) and sometimes I take a stomach protector in the morning.\nI have a very upset/sensitive stomach, sometimes it can't even take a cookie.\nI feel like I should detox my stomach and start a new and healthier diet.\nBut I know that for detoxification I will cleanse everything from my body, and there will go my birthcontrol intake. \nSo I thought that maybe during the 7 day break of my contraception I could do the cleanse? Or would it mess up with my birthcontrol anyway?\nAlso, if I do the cleanse and don't have intercourse during that pill package (21 days), will I be safe from pregnancy when I start the next package?", "answer": "\"Cleanses\" are fads that serve no medical purpose and, as far as we know, don't really do anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghjdn6", "comment_id": "fq9zhwl"}, {"question": "Seeking answers", "description": "So lately I have been having major anxiety, further leading to what seems to be a panic attack. I have only had this happen a few times in the past few months. Looking for suggestions on how to handle it. They usually come out of nowhere. ", "answer": "Use medication but sparingly. Check medical possibilities. Fix your diet so your gut biome is healthy, start to cut out stress you can but only because you'll need the room for stresses you can't cut out like anxiety. Start to practice meditation and belly breathing. Carry ice cold water in a 24hr vacuum insulated bottle. Tell at least three people. Read about it but don't read anything that talks about \"cut out caffeine and reduce your stress\" they are talking about worry, not anxiety. Practice more belly expansion and other vaygal stimulating exercises. Try Chinese herbs like ashwagandha. Sleep enough. Always differentiate external from internal fear. Recheck medical possibilities. When panicking use your senses to pull you out, if you can't empirically validate the fear it's probably not external. Internal fear is anxiety and while very real, it's not going to harm you. Avoid the temptation to accommodate triggers. Cut out caffeine. Look into fecal transplants. Use the repulsion as motivation to do more of the other stuff. Check for hyperthyroidism again. Go to a counselor if you can't get somewhere in your own. Find a good book on it. \n\nFinally after none of this has worked, Use Ketamine to reprogram your limbic system. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6hxcmk", "comment_id": "dj1x6su"}, {"question": "Can no longer climax during sex. [19/M] with [20/F] partner.", "description": "So this started a few days ago. I started seeing a new girl and the sex is absolutely amazing but I haven't finished any of the times we've slept together. This has never been a problem for me in the past and I'm genuinely worried/confused about what's going on. Just looking for some insight into what I should do to get my ability to finish back.", "answer": "are you taking meds, or drinking, or pot?\nif not, you're getting so nervous that you're losing focus. people often are not at their sexual best in a new situation. focus on the relationship...getting to know each other. sometimes fooling around without intercourse can relax everybody. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzvm8", "comment_id": "dcv5nxy"}, {"question": "Other than a few beers, or LSD, is there an anti depression drug that isn't super terrible?", "description": "It's unfortunate that LSD is hard to get, and hard to verify if it's legit, because most people's only option is beer.\n\n\n", "answer": "Answer these questions for me.\n\n**What exactly is the problem?** \n\n*Not \"depression\", but what are you doing what behavior do you observe that leads you to be depressed? You will know it is specific enough when you can tell me that if I were a fly on the wall and watched you behave, I would know that you were \"depressed\"*\n\n**How is it a problem?**\n\n*Explain to me what your answer to the first question prevents you from doing? How exactly is it a problem? What would you be doing if you didn't have that problem?*\n\n**What have you been trying to do to solve the problem?**\n\n*List every step you have taken to solve the problem, every solution you have tried. If it has been telling yourself something, list that. I would like to know everything you have done in your best efforts to solve your problem*\n\n**What is the smallest change you would accept that would let you know the problem was fixed?**", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "6sp55z", "comment_id": "dlfgvxi"}, {"question": "[21/m] First love with (21/f) need some advice.", "description": "I recently got a bit more serious with this nice girl I know for almost 3 months. \nI see her 2/3 times a week we make out and doing fun activities but I need a bit advice.\n\n* I always said good morning and goodnight to her via Whatsapp when we were dating, but it feels a bit repetitive to me now. How do I tell her this without hurting her feelings?\n\n* When is a relationship a relationship? Do you I need to ask her?\n\n* Do men always need to take a girl somewhere or do women also have this obligation?\n\nThanks", "answer": "it's ok to say good morning and goodnight. it's a relationship when you both decide it's monogamous with a sense of commitment. women should initiate also and share expenses.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64c6wp", "comment_id": "dg1785a"}, {"question": "Anxiety? Help me understand what's happening!", "description": "Okay so back in July I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety with depressive markers. I have been in therapy and prescribed Fluoxetine....\n\nSo here's the situation...\n\nMy husband and I have very different ideas about money. He will literally wear shoes until they fall from his feet... I will by shoes and wear them once. Tonight we got into it because I went shopping without clearing it with him. He says everything was unnecessary. I spent six hours picking out things for our bedroom. Money, although I love to spend it, is a trigger for me. So I tend to just spend it and look at the bill later. \n\nSo anyway, husband is upset because I'm buying things. Husband is upset because I'm up at 2 and crying because I am afraid he's going to leave me because I keep buying things. YET when I'm alone, I can't deal with being at home so I go out. Spend money. So on and so forth. \n\nSo here's where I am - we are laying in bed . He's all like do you want me to get fired? Do you want me to get sick? Then why are you doing this right now? \n\nMeanwhile I'm flirting with an anxiety attack because I know I have been shopping while he's at work and I'm petrified he's gonna leave me. That's when I started to think - maybe I'm more helpful to him if he has my life insurance, because I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to stop this cycle. If I am not spending money excessively . I eat excessively. I'm disgusting.\n\nI'm 10k in credit card debt and nearly 375 lbs. I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know why I am doing what I am. It's like I'm on autopilot. When we met I was 280- I'm 6'1 FYI-there's no way he still wants me like this. \n\nAny advice would be helpful because at this point it's nearly 3am I'm wide awake , upset, annoyed, and just lost.\n", "answer": "Where do you live? There's places that can give you objective financial advice (Citizens Advice Bureau, in the UK, for example).\n\nYour partner seems overly controlling, presumably due to the significant debt. Could there be other debts that he might also be worried about? Might be worthwhile trying to find out.\n\nYou might find better advice in other (advice/financial) subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kvkwo", "comment_id": "dbr221b"}, {"question": "Could I have repressed CSA?", "description": "I'm 20m and for a few years now, I've been wondering whether or not I faced some sexual trauma and can't remember. I have no concrete memories of anything happening but there are a handful of symptoms that I feel like suggest something:\n- I freak out about being touched around my naval and sometimes thighs, and when a girl goes for my crotch I instinctively recoil and have to make myself relax.\n- I'm a bit of a sexual pleaser; I don't really care about my own gratification and find myself kinda numb during anything.\n- I masturbate to orgasm at least twice a day, and started doing so specifically to combat feelings of emptiness.\n- When I was a kid, I used to have this weird idea that older women wanted me. Particularly if they were nice to me, I suspected attraction, and I don't know how this idea came to a 6 year old.\n- I acted out sexual acts with dolls most nights at around 7 years old.\n- A man kissed me on the neck against my will when I was 18 (it was a complicated situation) and I suddenly thought 'oh, this again' with no explanation.\n- I carry the sense that the only way to be loved is to make myself attractive and sexually available.\n- I cover up my body for fear of being exposed.\n\nNow my mother was sexually assaulted and told me at the age of nine, so I wonder if that just gave me a certain sexual paranoia or even a need to invent a similar trauma to connect with her, if that makes sense. Also, she was never great with boundaries - she drunkenly went to the toilet while I was in the bath, laughing as I told her to get out, for example, and once or twice described sexual fetishes to me. Maybe small incidents like that had some effect, I don't know.\n\nI'm leaning towards the idea that I wasn't assaulted, or that my mother's occasional inappropriateness and hearing about her assault mixed me up a little. But I still can't shake the nagging feeling that something happened, and I'm always trying to remember it. I'm starting to worry about giving myself false memories, and I feel like an absolute scumbag trying to convince myself I have a problem. But when I view my child self as a csa victim, it's as if things suddenly clicks into place.\n\nDo you believe in repressed memories? Is it possible I could give myself false memories by obsessing over this? Does anything I described sound like a real symptom?", "answer": "Sorry you're going through this. For one thing, you said that feeling like a scumbag because you're trying to convince yourself you have a problem. \n\n\nThat's a load of bullshit. You're not trying to convince yourself you have a problem. It's pretty obvious YOU DO have a problem. \n\n\nAt this point, it's just a matter of where it's coming from. It is possible to have some of the hypervigilance you described simply from hearing about your mother's abuse at such a young age, especially if she went into graphic detail at all. \n\n\nThen again, when folks are sexually abused at a young age, it's extremely common for them to completely repress the memory. While this doesn't always have to be the case, we see that when this happens it's common that the person doesn't have a good vivid memory of their childhood during ages they really should. \n\n\nFor instance, Despite having some other more mild traumas throughout childhood, I'm fairly certain I was never sexually abused as a child (one can never be fully sure with repression and all). I have pretty spot on vivid memories going back as early as 2-3 years old. Now this is pretty young on average, but the majority of folks can recall at least a decent amount of detailed memories from about 4-5 and up. \n\n\nMany folks I've worked with who have experienced a ton of trauma have either almost no or an extremely hazy recollection of much later ages (ie. can't remember any real details of anything before 10 years old).\n\n\nEdit: Adding this last thing. Best chance of figuring things out is to both talk to a therapist about it as well as talk to older folks who you trust who might have been aware if anything went on with you while you were young that you can't remember. I wouldn't really recommend doing the last part without having a therapist on hand to process the experience.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fd9gtk", "comment_id": "fjhs0io"}, {"question": "Need Relationship Help", "description": "I have been diagnosed with BPD and I am running away every single potential person I meet. My trust issues are coming up every time I drink and I'm running them away. I need advice on how to approach new relationships. ", "answer": "I should also note that I am a graduate student as well as working and it's hard to already meet people (I'm in DC), additionally I've used the apps. Most recently I went down to NYE with friends and had been speaking to someone for a few weeks and he and his friends also came down (3 states away) and we all hung out, rung in the new year. On my way to the airport he told me that he was no longer interested and that \"I was looking for something more serious\" than him. This is the 4th time in a row someone has said this to me and I don't know what I'm doing by looking too serious. All I have done is respond when they reach out and make plans with them, so I'm at a loss and the constant rejecting is only making my abandonment issues more prevalent. I'm feeling unlovable. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "abzxz7", "comment_id": "ed4bh6g"}, {"question": "I [20F] have a crush on a friend [22F] but I love my partner [24F] of almost a year.", "description": "So I'm a junior in college; I met my girlfriend online. We flirted long distance for a few months before we started dating, and then we spent the summer together. She moved across the country to continue her degree at my school and now we're roommates as well as partners. \nShe's amazing. I can definitely see us having a long and happy future together. \nBut. \nI've started getting involved in the campus radio station. The other night I went to a meeting and met one of the student leaders who I'd heard of but never officially met. We hit it off and I thought I'd gained a great friend. I'll admit I was the tiniest bit attracted to her but didn't flirt or anything. \nShortly after that things started getting weird. She invited me to her apartment housewarming party. She asked me to dinner and a movie. It was my girl who pointed out that she was flirting. I asked her about it and she admitted it. Then I let her know that I had a girlfriend and wasn't interested. \nEver since I met this other girl, I've been wondering what it would be like if I were single and able to explore the possibility of a relationship. It's not like I'm sexually attracted to her; I just think she's such a cool person. \nI'd never cheat on my partner, and she's said that if we were to break up she wouldn't come back. I really love her and couldn't imagine my life without her. She knows about my crush and insists it's normal. She's been working to fix some small issues in our relationship. But I'm worried it's not normal and it won't go away. No matter how hard I try I think about seeing where things might go with the other girl and feel so guilty. \nWhat should I do?\nTl;dr: I love my girlfriend of almost a year but have an intense crush on another girl that makes me wish I could explore it. I'd never cheat but don't want to break up. The other girl has no idea and keeps trying to get closer to both of us as a friend. ", "answer": "You're going to have crushes for the rest of your life. You're the only one who gets to decide what they mean and what to do about them, but I'll repeat: you're gonna have crushes for the rest of your life. No matter who you're with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70p07p", "comment_id": "dn4ua8l"}, {"question": "Plz plz Help. I think I might have brain tumor and it extremely affecting my mental health", "description": "17, male, 5'6, 120lbs, Indian. It all started when I noticed a bump on the back of my head(about a week ago). I have had headache since. Went to the doctor twice, he told me everything was fine. Might seem stupid but he told me it was just my bone(the bump one my head). The headache never goes away. The thing that I am most worried about is pin and needles in my legs,feet, hands and arms for the past 24 hours. My other symptoms include nausea, stiffness in my legs. Plz help, it's really affecting my day to day life.", "answer": "Brain tumors can't be felt externally, so the bump on your head is irrelevant.\n\nChronic headache for a week that's stable is also unlikely to be a brain tumor, particularly as the first symptom. The other symptoms don't really add up to any particular problem, but it could be something, or the combination of physical symptoms and anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g3phof", "comment_id": "fnspjy2"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "do1g28q"}, {"question": "Aspergers misdiagnosed as Manic Depression?", "description": "Was wondering if anyone else has come into this situation/has any experience with how they went about fixing it. I was diagnosed 3 years ago as Bipolar Type II, but after finding symptom's of Aspergers a few weeks ago, it's been bouncing around my mind as an alternate diagnoses that explains alot more. \n\nHas anyone else had experience in a co-morbidity and/or misdiagnoses between the two, and is it worth going to a therapist to ask some generalized questions? ", "answer": "It is hard to imagine a licensed psychologist confusing Bipolar II and Asperger's. Hypomania really doesn't have anything in common with Asperger's, and the depression part of Bipolar II could be related to almost any diagnosis, not just asperger's.\n\nIf someone with AS was misdiagnosed with Bipolar II, it is not because they are similar, it is malpractice.\n\nNow if someone actually has both Bipolar II and Asperger's, the Bipolar II might overshadow the Asperger's causing a psychologist to miss the diagnosis.\n\nIt can never hurt to talk to your therapist or a licensed psychologist about your questions and concerns. Before you do, know there are specific criteria that you must meet before being diagnosed with any disorder. You may want to ask how you met the criteria for BPII and whether you meet those criteria for AS.\n\nAny licensed professional is well-trained in diagnosis. Unfortunately, many licensed professionals become lazy hacks once they are done with school and internships. That is the only reason I can think of that BPII and AS would be confused.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1btuo1", "comment_id": "c9a2t5n"}, {"question": "ADHD and lifting at the gym / diet / pre workouts", "description": "Hello there! \n\nI have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 24. I am currently hitting the gym quite hard around 5/6 days a week.\n\nI am 6ft 6\" and of slim build I started medication a couple of weeks ago (concerta 36mg) and I have a couple of questions. \n\n1: Can I still take a pre-workout before the gym? (Without caffeine perhaps)\n2: As my medication is a stimulant I have found my appetite decrease and it's effecting my progression... Any way I can work up my appetite? \n", "answer": "You should still be able to workout. As you'll know, decreased appetite is common on methylphenidate, tell your prescriber. Cant give you advice other than to motivate yourself to eat regularly.\n\nOut of interest - what symptoms of ADHD were you struggling with? When did it start? Why only at age 24 have you been diagnosed? Any response from the medication?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vbd0z", "comment_id": "de1ilzj"}, {"question": "Is this a reason enough to break up with someone?", "description": "I have a boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months. We meet about once every week and he has told me that he loves me.\nI told him when we began this relationship that I want to take things slow, because when we started dating it was only a month and a half after me and my ex broke up after a three year relationship.\n\nI felt good with my current BF but he told me shortly after we started the relationship that he had been anorexic, but was absolutely and perfectly well now. I had been battling anorexia about 8 months before we began dating so I know how it is.\n\nBut I have noticed that he isn't over it, he eats like a little girl, constantly counts calories and it is triggering me, really bad. Around other people I don't feel like stopping eating, starving myself for perfection but around him I do.\n\nI have told him about this and that I feel uncomfortable naked around him, because he's so thin and fragile, meanwhile I now have some meat on my bones (130 pounds, he weight much less and is taller.)\n\nHe thinks it is only about me being uncomfortable naked, but it is just really hard, and I can't handle with it, I want to focus on my own health, I try to help him, but I only can feel myself getting worse.\n\nThere are also other reasons why I want to break up with him.\nI am moving out of the country in six months or so, to go to Uni and then we will break up. \n\nWhen we have sex it is only he who orgasms, and we never ever cuddle.\n\nHe thinks this is a happy,normal relationship(his first) but I know it isn't.\n\nThank you for reading this.\n\n**TLDR**\nWell, I feel like my BF for six months is really pushing my anorexic tendancies and that makes me feel really bad, but I do not know if that is a a reason enough to break up with him.\n\n\n", "answer": "Just want to add another voice to the chorus, from a fellow ED sufferer: Break up with this guy. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "p4odj", "comment_id": "c3mjml9"}, {"question": "increased facial hair??", "description": "hi ladies, i'm very stressed out, I do notice my body hair and facial hair, however I feel as if it has increased, now I don't know if it's true, but could my birth control shot[estradiol+Norethisterone] have something to do with it? I feel like I have more facial hair, but I'm not sure I'm exaggerating or if it's true. I took pictures last week to compare them in a month. \n", "answer": "I think stress can worsen PCOS symptoms. I've tried spearmint tea but no specific results for me after 2+ months. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3smlya", "comment_id": "cwz8jpd"}, {"question": "I don't know women", "description": "This post is actually a big question to women of the world, because there is one big thing I'm really confused about. \n\nSo I broke up with my girlfriend (she's 22 this year) a few days back and I'm reflecting what really went wrong so I can improve to win her back or to at least help me move on to a future without her. \n\nWe broke up in a peaceful manner, no fighting no anything, just a sad talk and though I was unwilling, I decided to agree to end our relationship because she said she no longer had feelings for me and there's no point in maintaining an one sided relationship. \n\nSo from the talk we had, I learned quite a few things:\n\u2022 So apparently from the start when i was wooing her, she thought that I was not ready for a relationship/unwilling to put in maximum effort for a relationship (admittedly im at least somewhat like that) but she still agreed to a relationship because she felt she was \"still young\" (she was 20 then) and she believed that I'll be different after we become official. \n\u2022 She had talked about my lack of initativeness and subsequently, the fact that me being a beta male means I was the opposite of her ideal partner (an alpha male who will make her take a girlfriend role)\n\u2022 She told me the previous points about 3-4 times from Sep 2016 and I made (empty) promises that I'll change for her, since she had done the same to suit me, and while I thought I had changed enough, as it turns out it's still not enough\n\u2022 So just bear in mind it's being troubling her for at least 5-6 months and even perhaps at the start of our 13 months relationship \n\nBUT there's the confusing part\n\u2022 While she's starting to become disappointed in me, she didn't say anything despite I encouraged an honest relationship (but maybe she didnt want to hurt me or she wanted me to take the initiative to change\n\u2022 Then I was reading the past messages (not a good idea tbh but whats done is done) and I read that her anniversary message was really like heart shapes and stuff like what she would usually do. That was December 2016\n\u2022 Then suddenly in a matter of weeks (not more than 1 month) she just changed 180 degrees and she said she lost ALL feelings for me cos of her disappointment in me (and some anger) and this was apparent when her style of messaging changed (more cold and less hearts etc)\n\n\nSo I'm confused? How is it possible for someone to change so sudden/shouldn't the change be like gradually? Okay she was more mushy during the start of the relationship during the honeymoon period but i guess it's cos it's the honeymoon?\n\u2022 Or is it I was blind enough not to notice the gradual coldness? \n\u2022 I doubt so but could it be that she was just acting throughout the past few months to not hurt my feelings?\n\u2022 Or is it just the act of emotions and anger and that is just an impulsive decision?\n\nCan the women of reddit enlighten me so I can finally put this issue to ease? Thanks ", "answer": "it's not about women. it's about a singular very mixed up woman.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5peb64", "comment_id": "dcqi0ky"}, {"question": "Planning ahead for medication changes for psychosis and seizures.", "description": "22F\n66.6kgs\n172cm\nCaucasian\n\nCase history: \n\nI experienced a severe TBI two years ago and was placed into a drug-induced coma for two months to regulate brain swelling and intracranial pressures. \n\nI experienced drug-induced tonic-clonic seizures (I\u2019ve forgotten the name of this drug but can find it if needed). \n\nI awoke from my coma and took 9 months to leave the in-patient rehabilitation facility after these two months in the ICU. \n\nThe areas of my brain are said to increase the likelihood of future seizures (left prefrontal cortex and right back cerebellum from concussive force). A skull fracture occurred on the back of my skull and a brain probe was inserted into the prefrontal cortex to regulate pressure. I was kept in cryostasis. \n\nBefore the accident I had been prescribed Sumatriptan for monthly hormone-related migraines, Ventolin for exercise-induced asthma and Metoprolol (1x25 mg/day) for my mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure and social-anxiety related urticaria. I have bilastine (4x20mg/day) prescribed for urticaria in my legs when standing from long periods due to poor circulation. \n\nThe experts at the rehabilitation clinic had prescribed me 500mg 2x/day Keppra (Levetiracetam) and Seroquel (Quetiapine) 25-50mg 1x/day. Keppra caused psychosis and subsequent insomnia, hence the Seroquel. The Keppra also caused hair loss, incessant itching, concentration issues, rashes, emotion regulation issues and other things. Seroquel causes fatigue and weight gain (10kgs in under 4 months). \n\nI now need to drive and am doing a strenuous degree. The concentration issues and constant fatigue in combination to the psychosis and insomnia became too much. To drive I must stay on an anti-epileptic. I am being switched to Lamictal over the next six weeks to accommodate these factors. \n\nMy question is, in the case that the Seroquel must be continued (i.e. the chronic fatigue does not stop), can Seroquel be prescribed for the psychosis and insomnia, Modafinil for the fatigue and concentration issues and Lamictal for the chance of seizures? Do these medications conflict? Would a sedative and a stimulant combination completely wreck my body\u2019s own energy regulatory systems?\n\nI know that it is not super to have been prescribed Seroquel to counteract the side-effects of Keppra, but I fear that the two years of being on Keppra will have ingrained the psychotic personality traits and habits so deeply that I will have to now always take Seroquel and subsequently suffer from chronic fatigue. \n\nI would be so grateful for any help and if this may be something feasible and worth bringing up the next time I can see my doctors. Thanks.", "answer": "Partly to u/dranoto as well. \n\nKeppra side effects can be permanent. Lacosamide (Vimpat) and zonisamide (Zonegran) have less effect on mood. Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and valproate (Depakote) definitely are better for mood, and the former tends to have few side effects. (The dame can\u2019t be said for valproate.)\n\nAt 50 mg Seroquel is basically not an antipsychotic anyway. If you do need an antipsychotic, there are more tolerable options, usually. If you just need something for sleep, there are also many drugs with better side effect profiles.\n\nYou have doctors already. Talk to them about making the switches.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hxwamn", "comment_id": "fz9gb3m"}, {"question": "hi, i'm a stalker and i need help", "description": "Hi. I'm a stalker, and I don't want to be. \n\nAre there any resources targeted toward men who do this but don't want to? Something that isn't the typical \"tough love / scare tactic\" stuff.\n\nIt's pretty bad and it isn't getting better. \n\nedit: please do not recommend therapy or try to sell me on e-therapists or assume that there are competent affordable therapist in my area. thank you. no therapy recommendations.", "answer": "Consider doing an assessment at your closest batterers intervention program. They also do stalking behavior, or could refer you to a place you\u2019d need. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7clo0e", "comment_id": "dpr6jph"}, {"question": "girl liking me help", "description": "There is this girl that I graduated high school with (both 18) and we have hung out to smoke maybe twice and I\u2019ve seen her at a few parties but we have never really talked.\nMe and her both recently got out of relationships so we hung out, smoked and then did the adult deed. A day or two after she was texting me asking if we were just fuckbuddies or if we were talking etc. and all of her texts have heart emojis and her saying \u201chow cute and funny I am\u201d even though we have literally hung out twice ever and she knows nothing about me \n\nI just wanted some consensual sex and it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t want to talk to her it\u2019s just we have never talked about ourselves or anything personal. I don\u2019t want to lead this girl on to think that we are talking but I still want to have sex with her. \n\nAny thoughts are appreciated ", "answer": "The best thing that you can do for the both of you is be honest and straight forward. Basically let her know that you're down to hang out like before, but you're not interested in any type of relationship and looking to keep things more casual. \n\n\nSo long as you're straight forward with it, it's up to her to decide if she's okay with that or not. \n\n\nThe only way you come out being the bad guy here is if you lead her on or aren't clear with your intentions. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zca5r", "comment_id": "e2hmni5"}, {"question": "It's been over 6 months since I [26m] got dumped by my ex [25f] and I still can't get her out of my head, what should I do?", "description": "We were together for about a year and 4 months and I was about to move closer to her. We had a really bad breakup, mostly with me not knowing how do deal with these emotions until it got to the point where she just refused to talk to me. I called her twice asking her to reconsider and thought we agreed to wait until after her finals so we can reevaluate the situation, but after a month I texted her and she responded with \"don't reach out to me again\".\n\nThe first few weeks after the breakup I was a mess, even had the police here a few times cause my friends were worried about me. I can't blame them for it, but I don't think it was needed.\n\nFast forward a few months, and I still struggle ever day not to contact her (haven't reached out to her since late December when she said not to contact her again) and I just don't know how much longer I can stay sane with this pain. Most of my friends are getting tired of dealing me with and I honestly cant blame them... I wasn't to be with her more than anything in the world, and I'd do anything to make this pain go away. I've tried seeing a therapist and even tried many different ones, but that wasn't helping. I met new people and made awesome new friends but I don't know how much longer I can keep hiding this depression from everyone. \n\nHow do I open a discussion with her again? How do I fix this and not let the person I love destroy me emotionally... How do I become my old cheerful self again so I can meet someone new? I'm lost, confused, hurt and just don't know what to do with my life anymore", "answer": "My suggestion would be therapy, and progress in therapy can take time. Why haven't you stuck with a therapist? Working through this will take time and effort on your part, focusing on yourself and not her. \n\nA therapist may suggest exploring antidepressants which can be a short term option to help get you through this time. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69p31i", "comment_id": "dh8i5yp"}, {"question": "Help with understanding what my MTHFR mutation is and what treatments are available", "description": "Mandatory info:\n\n Age: 19\n Sex: female\n Height: 5'6\n Weight: 114 lbs\n Race: white\n Duration of complaint: two months at this severity of symptoms, lifelong presence of symptoms\n Location: whole body\n Any existing relevant medical issues: diagnosed anxiety and ADHD, bouts of depression, MTHFR mutation\n Current medications: Cymbalta 20mg, Focalin 15mg, birth control\n\nBackground: For the past two months, ever since college started again, I've been struggling with severe exhaustion and lack of motivation, plus elevated anxiety. I came to the realization that I've actually always struggled with exhaustion, that being tired all the time wasn't normal, and I told all of this to my psychiatrist. I got a slew of tests done on my blood and genes, and last week got the results back.\n\nResults: B12 deficiency (level of B12 in my blood is 212 pg/ml, so .212 ng/ml), homozygous MTHFR C677T mutation, and I found out that both my anti-anxiety/antidepressant medication and my ADHD medication aren't well suited to me.\n\nTreatment: I had a shot of cyanocobalamin; have started taking Deplin and 1000mcg sublingual methylcobalamin daily; switched zoloft for cymbalta; and will switch my ADHD medication in a month once I'm back home.\n\nQuestion: Despite my best attempts at researching my mutation, I've struggled to figure out exactly what effect it has on my body. I know it hinders the conversion of folic acid to its bioavailable form, but that doesn't seem to quite explain the B12 deficiency. On top of that, I'm struggling to figure out my treatment options. There's oral/sublingual supplements, shots, and the cyanocobalamin vs methylcobalamin debate (my doctor prescribed cyanocobalamin, but my research seems to imply that's the inferior form for someone with this mutation). The plan is to do the shot and take daily sublingual supplements until I get my blood tested again in a month (which is what I have done), but the backup option is to get regular shots for a few weeks before going to either monthly shots or sublingual supplements. Given that I felt more energetic for about 36 hours after the shot before fading back to the intense exhaustion I've been experiencing, I'm tempted to move to the backup plan, but maybe I just haven't given the sublinguals enough time.\n\nI'm already planning to contact my psychiatrist about all this, but I'd like to go into it with more information. I'm kind of desperate because these issues aren't getting better, but they're definitely getting in the way of my ability to function academically, and I'm scared about how this semester is going to go if I don't start getting better soon.", "answer": "MTHFR mutation testing and treatment is largely pseudoscience; we don't really know what the different alleles mean, but none are significant enough for treatment. A B12 >200 pg/mL isn't deficiency but might warrant further testing, but genetic testing is not terribly useful.\n\nMy guess is that your 36 hour response is a placebo response and that you should talk to your psychiatrist about more effective treatment, but not B12. That's likely to be a red herring unless you also have megaloblastic anemia or other signs of B12 deficiency.\n\nAs an aside, genetic testing for psychiatric medications is also a largely unproven field. There may be benefit, but it hasn't been well shown in studies not conducted with high risk of bias (i.e. by the companies doing the testing). ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9q9s3h", "comment_id": "e87sem9"}, {"question": "Does medical grade (clean) THC oil transfer to breast milk? And if so, how will it effect my baby?", "description": "I\u2019m a bit of an anxious person as is. My baby is 4 months old. I breast feed and formula feed. A good friend of mine has a baby and has been using THC oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). She claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. She also claims it\u2019s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. For what it\u2019s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. \nWould it be safe for me to try this? Maybe not daily, but once in a while?\nWill it transfer to my breast milk? If so, for how long? Will it effect my child and if so, how?", "answer": "u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but I'll chime in and agree. There's very limited data on THC exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. That said, everything we know points to THC being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants.\n\nMy advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid THC. It's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. It may be safe. It probably is mostly safe, most of the time. But it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b12n8f", "comment_id": "eiixzzb"}, {"question": "Should I Go Back On Medication For My MDD?", "description": " \n\n* 24\n* Male\n* 6'1\n* 160 lbs\n* White\n* 8 months\n* USA, Texas, my brain.\n* Major Depressive Disorder or MDD.\n* No current medication, previously on Lexapro. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nHi everyone, so I've been considering whether or not to go on medication for Major Depressive Disorder. I've talked to the psychologists at health and science center in my city and they recommend it. But my talk therapist that I see semi-regularly says that it is all up to me whether I want to take the medication or not due to me being functional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nA little backstory. Back in October of 2018, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. We lived together, she moved out and I ended up having what I discovered was called a 'depressive episode'. I went to the hospital a few weeks after we broke up because I just didn't feel normal and I was crying and upset, so they ended up sending me to the ward for a few days and prescribed me lexapro. Just to clarify, this has never happened to me before, I have not been to the hospital for anything other than physical injuries when I was a child and I do not vomit my feelings onto complete strangers, especially to the point where they wanted to hospitalize me.\n\nWhile I was in the hospital I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. After I got out, I began seeing a therapist and working through my issues. In my history, according to the doctors, I have had 2 depressive episodes and I am at risk for a third one. One I had before the diagnosis and one during the diagnosis.\n\nI was on lexapro for a month, it made me 'level out' emotionally speaking. But I felt cold and unfeeling, I did not experience any highs or lows, I just felt distant or on autopilot when I was on it. I did not have any refills and they wanted to switch me to prozac after this but I did not feel comfortable with that.\n\nAbout my life: I work a normal 8-5 job at a small office, I'm 24 and live with a few roomates. I have my own car and my life is pretty stable financially speaking. The problem is, most days I feel very tense, I don't like my job very much and can spiral really easily while I'm there. I get to sleep easy and wake up pretty easy and I get about 7 - 8 hours of sleep per night. But when I wake up, I do not feel rested most of the time. I do go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I eat healthy and drink lots of water.\n\nI do tend to have problems with thinking about suicide, as right now I feel like I'm having more bad days, then good ones. I do not talk to anyone about thinking about it, I try to not think those thoughts. But if it isn't that, I tend to have excessive guilt for past wrongs I've committed, especially in regards to having sex. As I do not feel I am entirely over my previous relationship.\n\nAnyways, I just want to feel normal again. I want to have regular motivation and not feel so foggy, tired and sad a lot of the time. But I am not sure medication is a good choice as I am afraid of some of the side effects. Not to mention the stigma that comes with being on something like prozac. I fear that it will effect my brain chemistry and that's not something I want to keep messing with. As it is I don't want to mess with my head, I don't want to lose parts of my personality even further.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTL;DR: Want to feel better but do not to go on prozac. Should I do it anyway?", "answer": "As I think has already been brought up, there's no obligation to take an antidepressant. It's reasonable to continue with psychotherapy alone. Medication plus therapy on average tends to be more effective and have more durable effect than just one or the other. The question is whether it would be helpful, on balance. The overall evidence is yes, but it's not overwhelmingly strong evidence, and your individual experience can be different.\n\nThe one thing I would bring up is the fear that you don't want to mess with your brain chemistry. In reality, everything we do alters our brains. Therapy alters brains in a way that can be seen on neuroimaging like fMRI; it actually looks very much like taking antidepressants (when both work). If you want to feel different, you need your brain to be different, whether that's through what you do, medication, or both.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhbzu6", "comment_id": "elrly58"}, {"question": "DAE get their depression triggered when they are in a \"happy\" environment?", "description": "Was recently at a ball party thing and honestly felt the worst I've felt in ages. I think it is because I see things other have that I don't like happiness, friends, partners, plans etc. For the same reasons I find so called \"happy\" romantic films super depressing because I get so jealous. I'm so jealous of people who are happy, and who can talk to others without anxiety. ", "answer": "Kind of similar, but sometimes my depression is triggered by BEING happy and wanting more of this feeling and then becoming upset at the fact that I was denied this feeling for so much of my life and will soon be denied it again.\n\nFor example, I recently began to make a friend. I'm terrified of people because of how I've been hurt in the past and have social anxiety, but it felt so natural with her. The few times we've hung out, I've had such an effortlessly great time and she makes me feel so good about myself. However, this friendship is brief as I will be moving out of state in a month. So every time I have fun with her or feel happy because I was successful in beginning a friendship, it is followed by me feeling intensely lonely inside. Angry at my past, angry I'm not healthier or in a better position now, angry I don't have years of these experiences of friendship and love to encourage me to find new ones when I have to leave others behind (or they leave me, more likely). Every failure is a crushing blow and every success makes me fall into self pity. Jealousy. I'm jealous of this girl and her friendships and I wish I was surrounded by people who love me and admire me, and where that feeling is MUTUAL. I want to love someone and have them love me back the same. I want this. I've begun to get it, and it hurts just the same.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6kltzb", "comment_id": "djnkx2c"}, {"question": "Those annoying intrusive thoughts", "description": "Ive been having them the last like, week. Im afraid to talk about them in real life since I don't want anyone to think I'm like, actually in any way suicidal, even though I have those images shoving their way in. Im just so... annoyed honestly. Thus the title.\n\nIm actually not even doing badly, not really. had a good day aside from when i apparently tore my cuticle on something, but even that is just an annoyance. But the thoughts just had to shove their wway in.\n\nI dunno, I guess i'm just venting maybe. Its ticking me off and spoiling my mood. also my finger hurts. \n\nBut yeah anyway. sorry, I hope i didnt break any of the rules here or anything. I don't think i did but just in case. I just don't think keeping it to myself was doing me any good at all.", "answer": "Very normal symptom of depression. Not useful to try and suppress them generally. Mindfulness and meditation are some of the best ways to cope. You want to teach yourself to not take them literally and just let them be thoughts. Brains overreact all the time.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "517l1b", "comment_id": "d7a5vu8"}, {"question": "When/How to get a new therapist?", "description": "So, I recently started therapy for the first time. My counselor helped me find her and reassured me the company she worked with was great. I\u2019ve gone to 4 appointments now, though, and I\u2019m just not sure. I\u2019m mostly concerned because we haven\u2019t gotten to the actual \u201ctherapy\u201d part yet. The first two appointment were paperwork, the most recent two have been practicing mindfulness/grounding, but she hasn\u2019t really shown any concern about my issues. I think a lot of this is just because we haven\u2019t clicked yet (and I struggle a lot when I don\u2019t click with people,) but I\u2019m not sure when to throw in the towel or where to even start.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI'd bring up this in session with her. This would be a good way for her to gauge your idea of progress within the therapy process so far and it would help clear the air a bit and give you a chance to speak a bit more about it. It can be simple as \"It's been 4 sessions now and I don't feel like we've really gotten into why I'm here.\" Also, it might be good to ask what it might \"look like\" when \"the actual therapy\" part arrives. What kinds of things do you expect? What are you hoping to see?\n\nI get the idea a lot from new clients that want to just jump right in and immediately start working on stuff. There are a lot of reasons why that might not happen immediately, and 4 sessions is not a lot of time (unless your therapist specifically uses short term approaches. But since she has done 2 sessions of paperwork and 2 sessions of grounding, I would imagine not). \n\nYou are the one that has full say in what you choose to do, though. If you feel like it's just not clicking you are perfectly able to find someone else. I would definitely at least bring up these ideas with her first and see how she responds. That might give you a clearer answer.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ehn4hb", "comment_id": "fck7kwi"}, {"question": "Baldness?", "description": "I'm a 16 F, and I have OCD with trichotillomania. I also have depression and some trauma. That's my overview. But I have been pulling a bit more hair lately and scratching more because I keep feeling like I'm gonna get lice, or I'm just anxious/scared. So I've been very scared if getting bald patches or thinness. Well my boyfriend was on his phone, and I asked him if he thought my hair was getting a little thinner. He looked briefly and said \"slightly\". I tried to play it off, I never should have asked him. But I freaked out. He sat there with me while I cried for an hour, and listened to me talk. He said he was sorry and he wasnt really paying that much attention when I asked, he thought I had noticed and was asking his opinion, and he should reply with a little just in case, that way I could stop it of something was starting. But he swore up and down that he didnt think I was balding and that It really was just my part, and my cowlick. He even promised. He hasnt broken a promise to me in years and years. I really want to believe him. But I also have horrible self image. I'll soend hours taping myself trying to identify my flaws and prove to myself if they're there or not. So I'm having difficulty believing him. I'm freaking out now. My hair was the only thing I kind of liked about myself. And I'm scared I'm going bald. I want to believe him. But I cant seem to get over this. Any advice?", "answer": "Are you able to get cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist? Do your parents/caregivers know about the extent of what you\u2019re experiencing? I\u2019m so sorry it\u2019s impacting your life so extensively.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "drt6w7", "comment_id": "f6l0m9v"}, {"question": "I'm a college student and I think I may have a sever anxiety and/or depression issues. How do I get help? I don't know what to do.", "description": "My university's health services are notoriously bad and I'll have to wait months to see someone. I'm in the US btw. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they don't believe in mental health issues, they think I just have a discipline problem. I'm 20 years old.\n\nFor context, I worked hard in high school and got into a very good college, but am now essentially unable to do anything. I constantly feel anxiety in my stomach and have a hard time even checking my email, and I can't even muster the motivation to get up in the morning. It may just be me being a lazy POS, but I feel like I should talk to someone.\n\nPlease lmk if I should post this elsewhere.", "answer": "You could also ask in r/AskPsychiatry.\n\nYou don't really have a specific question here. If you have insurance, even through your parents, there should be a number on the card that you can call for mental health services. The networks they have can be frustrating to access and getting to see someone can take months regardless. University health services might at least be a start for you, and they might be able to make a referral.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hbn2op", "comment_id": "fvco07f"}, {"question": "Will I ever be deemed good enough for anyone?", "description": "My whole life no one has ever thought I was anything even remotely special. Not one person. I've had very few friends and no boyfriend. I don't know what to do. My life is pretty much at a complete dead end. It's too late now for me to have any of the things I've wanted for so long. ", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel, I often feel the same way. Don\u2019t give up on yourself. You have value and someone will see that. Maybe put yourself out there and start meeting new people. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "araqh2", "comment_id": "eglulxt"}, {"question": "Are therapists trained to be empathetic/sympathetic?", "description": "Or is it legit when they offer praise or sympathy?", "answer": "I am a graduate student in a mental health counseling program. Therapists are trained to be empathetic, not sympathetic, but that might not mean what you mean by \"empathetic\". It means the therapist is working to put him/herself in the client's shoes, not feel bad/sorry for the client. \n\nOne of the major focuses of therapeutic training is that you cannot be a good therapist without truly connecting with and caring about your clients. There will always be some distance in he therapist-client relationship, but any praise or commiseration should be genuine, even if it's expression has been thought out in advance. So, if your therapist is expressing emotion with you, it isn't fake, even if they received training in better ways to express those emotions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s3pvu", "comment_id": "cnlwlzt"}, {"question": "What does DBT advise for mood swings?", "description": "That's the problem I struggle the most with - I'll be feeling okay, and then suddenly I'll be triggered into a depressed mood or sometimes irrational anger.\n\nWhat does DBT advise you to do in those situations? I've tried googling it but haven't found much beyond \"Take a bath lol\" level advice, which isn't particularly helpful. ", "answer": "Not DBT specifically, but what I've always found helpful is practicing mindfulness during the mood swings. Take space, be by yourself, recognize how you are feeling and try to distance yourself from those swings. The swing is bpd, it's irrational and it's not founded in truth.\n\nDistractions! music is a powerful tool that can help get you out of a pickle. Conversations with another trusted person who knows you and what you go through. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Color something. Do some origami. Eat! Cook! Create! Cry, because sometimes it helps and it's okay ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2vaiux", "comment_id": "cofwwom"}, {"question": "Is it too much to ask?", "description": "I really do not know. Is it too much to ask? I want a man that truly cares about me, that is respectable (somewhat successful), with good character, TALL, and SMART (I'm in school to be a pharmacist, I would absolutely love to marry a medical professional). I want him to be awesome. I have found many guys that represent this description but I don't desire him like I want to. I want to really crave my man, sexually. I know I can be ravenous for someone bc I have experienced it before. If I desire him I can almost guarantee he will be a very happy man and we would have a very healthy relationship. But as it has seemed, I think I am asking for too much. I know a few guys that really like me that are awesome guys, and they are attractive but I'm not drawn to them sexually. I think I'm asking for too much ", "answer": "tall, medical professional.....these are not important qualities and limit the field unnecessarily", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61cjhw", "comment_id": "dfdiraz"}, {"question": "I found out my mom [68/f] is having an affair with a coworker. I tell my dad [68/m] right?", "description": "I found some inappropriate text messages between my mom and a coworker. I don't know if they have done anything sexual or even hung out outside of work. To summarize the text messages they were using pet names for each other, he was constantly calling her beautiful, complementing her outfits, and how good she smelled. I think they were also meeting up during breaks onsite at work. For the most part he was initiating it, and she was mostly responding with a kissy face emoji. This was not easy for me to read. I plan on telling my dad this Sunday in person. I don't exactly know how I'm going to tell him, but I feel like I have to. I have no idea what the fallout will be. Is telling him the right thing to do? I guess I'm looking for reassurance. \n\n.\n\nEdit: I'm not telling the co-workers wife. I agree not my business. I don't want to hurt my dad or for them to split up. If i was in this situation I would want to know. That's where my thought process is coming from. Right now I'm leaning more towards just confronting my mom. Then what do I do? I confront her tell her to stop and then stay out of it?", "answer": "Stay out of it. Don't get in the middle. Talk to your Mom about your concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7662a3", "comment_id": "doborwu"}, {"question": "Maybe if jobs require a doctors note to get a sick day...", "description": "...it should be a covered benefit. There\u2019s a fucking suggestion. I\u2019m sick of paying out of my ass every time I get sick. ", "answer": "It\u2019s ridiculous to send someone to a doctor\u2019s office full of other germs, pay a copay, just for them to say \u201cyou\u2019re right Dave, you do have a cold\u201d. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aio1xw", "comment_id": "eeq8i37"}, {"question": "Should I tell my girlfriend I enjoy gay porn?", "description": "So first off, this has been something ive been struggling with internally for quite a bit. Not because I think I may be gay, not because im uncomfy with the fact that I do enjoy gay porn, but because I dont know how she will react to this. I am confident in my sexuality, I know that I am straight, but I cant help but enjoy gay porn (along with straight porn, which is what I mainly view). And I know im not the only one, which is evident by a quick google, but to explain it quickly, I'd say i enjoy it simply because i enjoy thinking of the way gay sex feels. Im fairly into anal play with myself and my gf as well(for her, for me, etc.) and I believe that there is nothing wrong with any of that. The way I see it is, if I was made this way biologically, to enjoy the feeling of something in my ass, then why would it be gay to do those things? Im not so concerned with labels however as I am with just how she'd react, we have had a light discussion on what it means to be gay recently, and she agreed with my whole outlook on this subject to a degree. I just dont want her to feel like I'd ever have any chance of being attracted to a guy, because I am not in any way, nor could I ever be. I dont want to add to her worries of girls and whatnot, and I feel like theres a possibility she could freak out if i told her, also because i've been \"hiding\" this for so long. Any advice or tips would be appreciated, thanks.", "answer": "if you enjoy gay porn, then there are some gay feelings inside you that should be explored, perhaps with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68rlu0", "comment_id": "dh13wh5"}, {"question": "ADHD 101", "description": "Hi, I just got diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago, and I'm on Dexedrine. \n\nI was wondering what some strategies to function well are. I'm a university student, so focusing in class and being able to get myself to study is super important, and I'm still unable to do either of those. \n\nHelp!! Thank you, love you!!", "answer": "Hi, I love you too! Does it help you to study in a particular space or type of environment? Or what about setting a timer for yourself for what feels like a manageable chunk of time to study? Are you motivated by rewarding yourself? (This doesn\u2019t work for me because I\u2019ll just reward myself whether I do the task or not but maybe you\u2019re different \ud83d\ude02)\n\nEdit: also some people find fidgeting really does help them stay present and focused so you could get some kind of fidget for class.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab7ikh", "comment_id": "ecy1vtp"}, {"question": "BPD and hallucinations", "description": "So I guess my BPD has gotten worse... I've started seeing hallucinations. I thought it was just a one time thing at first but it's been reoccurring. Will this go away or am I completely fucked up at this point? Is there a way to recover from this quicker? I'm active duty military and can't afford to be dealing with hallucinations.", "answer": "Don't joke or ignore severe symptoms of mental health. You have a responsibility in your career and your life that you need to be in the best health to do so. Seek professional treatment. It will be alright. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "448abb", "comment_id": "czozsou"}, {"question": "Is it legal for parents to do this?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This is going to be a long post, thank you for reading. \n\nLast Sunday my brother got into an argument with my mother. We'll call him Sam, he's 15. I'm a girl and I'm 17. It began with Sam asking my mom \"Why are you opening dad's mail?\" They're divorced and live separately. It ended up with my mom putting Sam in a choke hold, me pulling her off of him, and him having to ride his bike 10 miles to my dad's house. That day my mom yelled bloody murder at me. She hit me. To be honest, I can't fully remember everything she said. My mind blocks it out. But what I do remember is basically being told that I was worthless, I was wrong, and I didn't do anything right. It got to the point where she was yelling at me, then her stupid boyfriend was yelling at me, and I was just crying. I ended up going into the bathroom and cutting myself. I rarely cut myself. Last summer was the last time I did. She drives me to it. Last summer every day I was crying as she spit out words of abuse. She'll scream at me, calling me a whore, a bitch, anything she can think of. I can't explain it really, but it just gets to the point where I'm so miserable, my insides hurt. My feelings I guess hurt so badly that cutting is like relief. It hurts less than the hurt inside. \n\nThe next day I had to go work, I work in a garden and it is the most terrible job. It's so hot, I'm so little and I have asthma. I over heat and it's a really hard job for me. I come home and my dad has dropped Sam back at home. Sam is just sitting on the front porch because my mother won't let him come inside. I just sit on the porch with my brother because I feel bad. He's my brother, I love him, and I'm not going to ostracize her like my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. So I sit with him. Later I go inside and I'm eating cake. I try to bring some out to my brother and my mom flips out. She and her boyfriend yell at me that I'm \"undermining her authority\" and other crazy shit. She tells me she's so \"sick of me\" and she can't handle me \"bullying\" her. She makes me pack my things, takes away my phone and car keys, and drives me and Sam to my dads. \n\nNow my dad lives in a shitty house. He has a couple other really ghetto roommates. The house is falling apart and filthy. He has some financial issues and he goes without eating good meals quite often. Most weekends we can't visit him because he can't afford it. So we go over there and his shower and toilet aren't working and he has no food. So he drives us back over and tells my mom he really just cannot take us. My mom is pissed that we're back and she makes us sleep outside. Is that legal?? She fucking made me and Sam sleep outside on the fucking grass. Now my dad would've driven right back and taken us if he knew, but my brother and I didn't tell him until the next day because he needed sleep to go to work. He works at 5 AM and it was 1 AM when he dropped us back off. He drives a truck all day and if he had been too tired he could fall asleep at the wheel or he'd have had to call in sick. He can't afford to miss work... my mom already lost her job he can't afford to lose his. \n\nIn the morning when we woke up we tried going inside but my mom wouldn't let us. So I changed my clothes in the front yard because I just didn't fucking care at that point and walked a few blocks and had my friend pick me up. She's a damn saint. By the way, my mom turned my brother's phone off and she had taken mine so we couldn't contact her. We didn't tell her anything, just left, and spend the night at my friend's. The next day we went home and she finally let us in after a long talk with my dad. But she went to the police. She told them a twisted story about how my brother and I \"bully\" my mom and she just couldn't handle us anymore and it ended up with the cop agreeing that it was legal for her to leave us outside. He told her to call them next time and they would pick us up and put us into foster care if she couldn't handle us. The whole time her stupid boyfriend is defending her and telling her to call the cops on us and whatnot.\n\nNow this is so frustrating. I can't even describe it fully. Because I am NOT a bad kid. I get good grades, I take all the extra curricular classes that are offered, I'm president of my school, I drive my brothers everywhere, I do all the grocery shopping. Since I began driving I've taken over the role of mother. By the time I was 6 my mom stopped giving a shit. Our house was filthy. There was so much shit in out house that you couldn't walk around. The floors were grimy and matted with spilled food and drink. The table and sink overflowed with dishes full of rotting food and maggots. She never cooked us dinner. Since I was six I've been eating whatever I can find around the house and when I got old enough I cleaned the house so that it wasn't a dump anymore. Now my mom has a routine of go to work, come home, grab a beer, head straight to her bedroom, sleep. She doesn't come out to talk to us, she never cooks dinner, or helps with dishes, or helps us with homework. Before I could drive there was never food in the house and when we needed something from the store we would wait weeks to get it because she never wanted to go. Essentially I am my brother's mom. You guys might not agree, but I do everything for them. When they're sick I care for them, I help them with homework, I buy their friend's birthday gifts and take them to the parties. I cook food, I wash dishes, I help them with school projects, I talk to their teacher's when the parent's are supposed to. And I really don't mind. I know that my mom isn't going to do it and I'm mature enough to know it needs to get done. So I don't ask questions, I just make sure everything is running. I'm constantly stressed with my home life and on top of that I'm extremely involved with school and so I'm always always stressed. Driving has been such a blessing because I can go out and buy myself clothes and food when I/my family needs it. She won't even buy me clothes. Everything I have I buy for myself. She will go out and spend hundreds on clothes for herself but when I ask for jeans or a coat she tells me \"No, you'll just grow out of it.\" Mind you, I'm 5'2\" and I stopped growing quite a while ago. \n\nSo please. Imagine how frustrating it is when I practically run our household and then I'm berated constantly. I do everything I possibly can and yet I'm told that I'm a bitch, a whore, a liar, lazy, that I never listen, I'm irresponsible, I'm good for nothing. \n\nLately, I just feel empty inside. I want to leave. I want to jump on a train and never look back. My mother drives me to this. She is the reason I cut myself, she's the one who makes me hate living. I feel helpless and unloved and I hate everything about my life living with her. She makes me feel crazy. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know your mom has no problem calling CPS to take you away? It hurts so badly that the one person who is supposed to love you, your own mother, doesn't really care about you. \n\nI don't know what I expect from posting this. I guess I just want to know if you've experienced something similar and what your advice is. I just need to let this out. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "I would inform your school counselor (if you have one) or Vice Principal. Additionally, encourage your brother to do likewise. This is abuse and needs to be addressed.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1jno8w", "comment_id": "cbgugfp"}, {"question": "Do you know a non-spiritual self-acceptance book?", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI am looking for a book on the subject of self acceptance, but they all seem to target woman or spiritual people. I am looking for an logical, honest, straight forward autor.\n\nI dont like spirituality, mindfulness, buddhiism. I just want to understand the logic behind self-acceptance. My therapist says I'm too hard on myself and I want to learn to accept myself, without having to read stuff like \"look deep inside your heart to discover your true spiritual self\" etc etc.\n\nThank you very much for your time,\n\nMaxime.", "answer": "Nathaniel Branden has some great stuff. I recommend the Six Pillars of Self Esteem.", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "6sn700", "comment_id": "dle0cub"}, {"question": "can a blood donation affect blood tests?", "description": "Age: 18 Height: 5 foot 10.5 inches Sex: M Weight: 70kg Race: White Past/Current Medical issues: Underactive Thyroid(just got told this on the phone today about 10 minutes ago), ADHD\n\nSo I donated blood a couple of weeks ago and 1.5 weeks following that I had a blood test.\n\nThe test came back and apparently I have an underactive thyroid. I forgot to tell the doctors that I had donated blood during the test and was wondering if this could be a false positive because of this. \n\nI do have a fast metabolism and I take supplements every morning ( not that I need to) so I should get enough vitamins etc. If someone could also explain why it shouldn't make any difference or why it does that would be great.", "answer": "Blood donation does not make a significant difference to thyroid function, especially days following the test. You replace lost blood much quicker than that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ae67na", "comment_id": "edmpcjo"}, {"question": "Am I wasting my time?", "description": "So. This post is going to sound rather childish but I wanted unbiased opinions. I have been seeing this guy - who was (not so much anymore) known as a fuckboy (I hate that word) - for about 2 years now. On three occasions he has said the words \u2018I love you\u2019, though on all three he has been drunk, albeit not paralytic or anything. I\u2019ve never said it back because I don\u2019t want to make myself vulnerable and disclose all my feelings. After 2 years we are not official despite him saying he only wants to be with me. Should I cut it off? Or should I tell him that I love him? Which I do but I don\u2019t know how seriously to take him seeing as he hasn\u2019t shown a serious interest in committing. ", "answer": "You can't commit to something that doesn't exist yet. Tell him how you feel and what you want. If he's on the same page, it's a go.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73bryg", "comment_id": "dnp6cwf"}, {"question": "What are some ways to help undo trauma from past emotionally abusive experiences?", "description": "To expand: My first boyfriend/best friend was extremely toxic and emotionally abusive. After we broke up, he would come in and out of my life on his own accords and this went on until last August. This happened since 2015. He finally ended up ghosting me, but the whole time knowing him he was toxic to my mental health. He'd call the shots on when we'd hang out, call on the phone, text, etc. If I got upset with him, it was always irrational according to him. But if he was upset with me, it was justified. He led me on for MONTHS after our break up, saying we'd end up together, but started dating someone else instead. He used me for emotional support, and when he found that support elsewhere, he erased me. I was in therapy last year and went into this but we didn't really dive too deep into it. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist.\n\nI was dating someone else throughout last year, and it wasn't much better. I found out he cheated on me but didn't bring it up. He ignored me two weeks straight because I didn't do something he wanted. He refused to meet my parents. I asked him 10 months into dating him if he was in love with me, he said he didn't know. I eventually broke up with him at the end of 2018 because I was too emotionally stressed and I was tired of giving more than him.\n\nSo that brings us to today: I'm seeing someone and it's rough. My mind has a hard time believing he likes me even after he states he does. I feel like he's upset with me if he replies bluntly (he's just a blunt person). I feel like I annoy him. I'm scared he's going to just stop liking me all of a sudden. He said there will be a second date, but my brain tells me he's gonna walk out before that.\n\nThis has to be because I've suffered through my past relationships so I have a hard time here. Is there any efficient ways to turn this thought process around on my own since I have not found a therapist yet?", "answer": "In a future relationship: engage in honest communication about your feelings to counteract assumptions that happen when you are triggered \n\nWith your thoughts: challenge anything that seems absolute or black and white or involves assuming what the other person thinks or feels. Catch yourself if you are doing the \u201che hates me, I\u2019ll never be normal, I always get walked all over, etc\u201d\n\nGood luck, finding a therapist will hopefully bring you healing! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b16mz1", "comment_id": "eijnwky"}, {"question": "Intermittent fasting for PCOS weight loss", "description": "For 3 years, I had been trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained without any obvious reason why. Exercising 2 hours/day + cutting calories wasn't working...changing my macros around, switching to a paleo diet, eating low carb high protein wasn't working...even keto didn't do anything. I only gained an additional 10 lbs, began losing my hair, and lost my cycle for the first time. And I am the epitome of an A+ dieter...no cheats, EVER. Then, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Cysts, no ovulation, and extremely high testosterone (212!). Then, I was diagnosed with \"low t3 syndrome,\" an uncommon version of hypothyroid that doesn't show up on that standard thyroid panel. (luckily, i did my own due diligence and brought my research to the doc, demanding the right tests). Anyway, I got put on armour thyroid, and even that did not make my weight budge, nor had the metformin I'd been on at that point for almost 6 months. As of yesterday, I'm back to my original weight of 130 lbs! Wanna know how?? Intermittent fasting!! (and ketogenic macros) In roughly 3 months, I've lost nearly 30 lbs...effortlessly. I eat 300-400 more calories than I was eating doing calorie restriction/keto (high FAT, NOT high protein, btw) alone, and as I continue to gradually increase, I'm still losing. I exercise 3 days a week, ALL weight training, an hour/day tops....which is far from what I was doing up until 4 months ago (a combo of zumba and high intensity interval training on the Arc Trainer elliptical 6-7 days/week, 1.5-2 hours/day). Insulin has been the culprit all along, as many of you probably already know. Intermittent fasting lowers insulin enough to where my body can actually utilize stored body fat. Amazing! Feel free to ask questions if you're interested.", "answer": "Hmm. I've read that intermittent fasting, while it might lower levels of circulating insulin simply because you aren't eating as often, actually worsens insulin resistance, which is one of the key underlying etiologies of PCOS. This is the same reason for why you cannot fast before an oral glucose challenge test (it may falsely show that you have insulin resistance if you do fast before the test).... so I would be careful about the sustainability of doing this long-term and the potential of further exacerbating your PCOS symptoms in the long run. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "48xkmf", "comment_id": "d0os8b7"}, {"question": "Insomnia and ADHD", "description": "Hi all, recently I've noticed that I watch a ton of videos and stay up late instead of going to sleep. I'm always tired at night but just can't seem to fall sleep because of thoughts. This is new for me, and I used to cope with it by listening to music or asmr as I was going to sleep. I don't want to do this because it requires me to have equipment with me when I sleep vs a simple fan.\nHow do you deal with Insomnia? \nEdit: tonight my worry is that a girl I've been talking to on a dating website hasn't replied back but read my message and I'm worried she lost interest. Naturally I keep trying to take my mind off it but it's all I can think about.", "answer": "Besides insomnia, look into Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It\u2019s highly correlated with ADHD and has been genetically linked with it. \n\nSimply put, one\u2019s Circadian rhythm is different than average, usually longer. Instead of getting tired around 10 or 11PM you might get tired at 2 or 3AM and then you wake up later in the morning. \n\nIf I don\u2019t take medication, I usually get tired around 2AM and wake up around 11AM. That obviously doesn\u2019t work well for your average job. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6sn2", "comment_id": "ds09i5m"}, {"question": "What's wrong with me?", "description": "So I've been doing some introspection for a while now and notice I fit several different criteria.\n\nI was reading about mental health and my symptoms and I found one that eerily relates to what I feel, and it was under \"schizophrenia\" on the forum. Here it is (Minus the medication part)\n\n\"Does anyone have troubles with paranoia even with their antipsychotic meds? I guess i have a low grade paranoia but it makes for such distress in life. I think people doing things to confuse me all the time. I spend all my time trying to figure out what things mean. Constantly asking myself, is this real or my imagination playing a trick on me? and can't trust anyone, the girl at the bank trying to cheat me, my friends deliberately muffling messages, don't trust the seals on envelopes. Does this sound like a need for increase of my zyprexa? or is this low grade paranoia something we all have to live with? i appreciate your opinions. thank you.\"\n \nI frequently findmyself obsessing over everything. My current phobia is pretty much me being so paranoid and afraid of getting introuble with the law that I begin to think every car around me is a cop. I also think that whenever I do party a little bit, that people are out to set me up/ entrap me. (I think this stems from being afraid of not getting a good job if I get something nasty on my criminal history, and I can't stop obsessing over it). It's getting out of hand, and the first description fits me pretty well as well. I am constantly thinking people are judging whenever there are people chatting and I hear just a few words I automatically link it to my life and get really uncomfortable and paranoid to the point where I can convince myself that they are talking about me. I am probably just being insecure, but I always have intrusive thoughts like this. I also have thoughts when I'm in the store or at someones house, that people are trying to catch me stealing? I have no intentions to steal, I don't have enough balls to do that. \n\nI'm not sure what to do about this, I genuinely hope I am NOT schizophrenic. All of this stems from being insecure though and afraid of conflict regarding these taboo subjects, so my mind is always thinking of a defence mechanism for each little stupid scenerio that could possibly happen.\n\nWhat is wrong with me?", "answer": "You're not psychotic - you have too much insight. Anxiety, though, is through the roof.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kfc1s", "comment_id": "dbnis6n"}, {"question": "Combination of paracetamol and anti hypertensives", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am male, 32 years. I am on bisoprolol and perindopril. Can I safely use paracetamol for high fever?", "answer": "Yes, although depending on how high the fever and what other symptoms you have you may want to seek medical attention.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ef5wjc", "comment_id": "fbyiji7"}, {"question": "Very sensitive to death scenes in movies", "description": "No idea if I should be posting this here or what so please let me know if I should delete and post somehwere else.\n\nAs i've gotten older (34M), i've become more and more sensitive to death in tv and movies. Especially violent ones. I become super empathetic and find myself horrified with the experience, often in tears.\n\nI've never served in the army, I have a pretty boring life. I have developed a fear of having a violent death. Not sure where to go with this. Looking for advice. ", "answer": "Nothing wrong with that. Might want to change your viewing habits. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fns1w", "comment_id": "dijkspi"}, {"question": "Subclinical Hypothyroidism - 5.24 - should levothyroxine be prescribed/taken?", "description": "TSH level - 5.24\n\nGP prescribed levothyroxine (0.025mg).\n\nExperienced sinus infection and took antibiotics, after had fatigue. Did bloodwork and iron was very low - so taking FeraMax 150 daily.\n\nDo not have typical symptoms of hypothyroidism - no sentisivity to cold (actually experiencing sensitivity to heat), no weight gain,etc. But GP said to take levothyroxine due to fatigue (which could be caused by the low iron). (Another DR at clinic said he would not have prescribed levothyroxine since the TSH result could be a \u201cblip\u201d.)\n\nAfter taking levothyroxine for about 40 days, there is no improvement with fatigue (still off and on). Will speak to GP again in a week (on break) but she said to wait for an appointment with a specialist (in Aug.) to decide whether to continue taking levothyroxine.\n\nThis is confusing. Should levothyroxine have been prescribed? And can medication be stopped after 40 days to check to see whether the elevated TSH reading was in fact, a blip?\n\nAny feedback would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Unless thyroid hormone levels (usually free T4, sometimes free T3) were checked and low, a slightly elevated TSH is not hypothyroidism and there's no reason to treat it. There's probably no harm in a very low dose of levothyroxine either, but it's not going to fix fatigue that isn't caused by hypothyroidism in the first place.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy1kqp", "comment_id": "ft8kv5n"}, {"question": "Serious Blue Balls", "description": "My girlfriend of 5 years and I are having a fight right now, and I need help. \n\nAbout 6 times now within the past couple months, we've gotten frisky at my apartment. It gets about as far as a handjob before she randomly calls it quits and decides she wants to go home instead. \n\nI tried talking to her about it, I've tried telling her how uncomfortable it makes me, and we've had these talks repeatedly. \n\nJust today, she did it again and we started fighting. I was only disappointed at first and told her she could go home if she wanted, but then she got pissed at me for not being perfectly happy about the situation? She then went on to blame me for the entire thing, saying that I shouldn't have engaged in the foreplay with her then. \n\nWhat should I do? I'm frustrated at being blueballed repeatedly, annoyed at being blamed for it, and admittedly a bit pissed that she ignores every talk we have discussing this problem. Do I have any options here?", "answer": "talk about your expectations of what sex should be; if you can't get on the same page, you're not compatible", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3re3", "comment_id": "ddz4d4v"}, {"question": "Therapy isn't working. ", "description": "Seem to be spending a lot of time in this subreddit lately. Possibly not a good thing. Anyway, as you may have guessed, therapy isn't working. I spent years pretending to be perfectly fine, doing everything I could to distract everyone else and myself from what was happening inside my head. Did a pretty good job, too, honestly. Then I ended up in Italy and barely able to leave my room I was so down and the frustration at not being able to enjoy my time abroad finally won out over my all-encompassing need for self-reliance. \n\nThat was about six months ago. Now I am back in the States and still in therapy and on medication and completely suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I know what it would do to my family and I feel so selfish when I think about that. But it's all I can think about. I'm pretty much a shut-in right now; I watch TV, I browse reddit, sometimes (gasp!) I go to the grocery store. I know staying in all the time is making it worse, giving me more time to think about how much I hate myself. I could volunteer somewhere, I could go running, I could do something. But thinking about voluntarily interacting with other people is physically painful. Basically, I hate myself too much to hold a conversation. The effort required to be polite to cashiers and bus drivers is monumental. \n\nMy therapist's advice, when I tell her I'm suicidal? Try not to think about it. Just try to do something. Just try. And it makes me want to scream, like what the fuck was I doing all those years I wasn't in therapy? I'm sick of fucking trying; it never got me anything but sleeplessness and social anxiety. \n\nSo... I don't know what the point of this is. I know you're all going through your own shit. But I'm reaching the end of the proverbial rope, here. ", "answer": "Get another therapist. If you're thinking about offing yourself- go to a hospital", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "vnwyw", "comment_id": "c56in4u"}, {"question": "Need some support right now", "description": "Hey guys just needing some guidance right now. I'm one year clean from opiates/benzo's and very proud of myself for that. Lately the past month though I've been having some crazy Xanax cravings. I've always been an anxious guy my whole life and actually had a script for Xanax awhile back. I have no connections anymore so it's not possible for me to score any as of now but I just constantly think about them. I would kill to take 2 mg and slip into oblivion for awhile and just feel free of anxiety. It's driving me nuts though. I know I cannot slip up since it's pretty much impossible but it's seriously taking a toll on my mental stability. I just recently found this subreddit and thought I'd post and see if I can get any responses. Thanks for listening guys! ", "answer": "Did you recently celebrate 1 year? I often get itchy around milestones, once I realized that was why and that it would pass it made it much easier to deal with.\n\nWhat do you enjoy doing in sobriety? Any activities that can distract you until this feeling passes? Got any meetings to go to or supportive friends to hang out with?", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "4pupis", "comment_id": "d4o0gnq"}, {"question": "Stomach discomfort after drinking alcohol?", "description": "Hey all, I'm female in her early 20s, around 100 lbs. This has been a question that's been on my mind for a while, and it's happening again right now so I thought it'd be a good time to ask. \n\nWhenever I drink, I'll start feeling some discomfort in my stomach. It feels a bit tight? I haven't been able to really measure the amount of alcohol that I have to ingest for this to start happening, but it doesn't take much. I've seen similar posts regarding this but they've all mentioned pain, so I thought I should emphasize that there's NO pain involved. It's just an all-around uncomfortable feeling that I can't really ignore. This started ~1 year ago, so it hasn't always been like this. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Does it feel like indigestion or heartburn, or different from that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5wsr", "comment_id": "dl2m3d5"}, {"question": "Anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, F, 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications", "description": "I know this sounds crazy but for the longest time I have always had an issue with sounds. For example, I cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. It makes me feel like I\u2019m going to explode inside and I get really irritable. It\u2019s affecting my home life but it\u2019s uncontrollable. The same thing happens when I hear pencils writing on paper. Also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) I have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. Is something wrong with me? I feel like I should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it\u2019s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as I\u2019m in any of these situations. \n\nI am a healthy 28yo F with no medical issues. 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as I can remember but seems to be getting worse.", "answer": "You're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. There's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. It's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cwkjbr", "comment_id": "eyceb0q"}, {"question": "Could my therapist refer me elsewhere if I tell him about my transference?", "description": "I'm really ashamed, and uncertain about my feelings towards my therapist. Lately, since I began seeing him, I've made some good progress. But I also get this bad feeling in my gut, like the butterflies in my stomach before I see him. At first I thought it was just anxiety, but lately I've been thinking I may have some romantic/inappropriate feelings towards him. That of which I'm obviously not comfortable with, nor do I even want to address.\n\nHowever, I've been reading that it's completely normal and common in patients to experience transference. Even if this is true, I'm still embarrassed, and I'm actually afraid if I tell him, he may be uncomfortable, or feel it's better that I find another therapist so that this doesn't get in the way of the professional nature of the therapy. Overall my question is, can he refer me to someone else if I tell him this and he doesn't take it well? If so, then I'm contemplating not telling him at all, because I don't want to risk losing the progress I'm making, yet at the same time I feel inclined to tell him because they're somewhat intrusive thoughts and gnawing at my mind.\n\nI know I'm not in love with him, but I just feel guilty for even thinking about him in that way, and like I should just keep it to myself. Can someone please help throw in their 2 cents?\n\nEdited: for wrong there/their.", "answer": "Do you think you can work through it until it passes? Do some work on your own to sort of talk yourself down? \n\nIt can be common if the therapist is of the gender you\u2019re normally attracted to. I suppose it can still be a different kind of attachment when they are a gender you\u2019re not attracted to romantically and may manifest more as seeing them like a parent, sibling, or close friend. While we don\u2019t worry as much when it\u2019s a feeling like the latter, we do when it feels like romantic feelings. \n\nAn idea might be to journal or think on what it is that is the attraction. Is it because they are kind, empathetic, genuine, supportive etc? Those are all the things we want in a SO right? They are good qualities! If the T is attractive then even more so may we find ourselves attracted in this romantic way....finally a good quality human who does all the things we could hope for. They listen, they support, they care. Sometimes the knowing we can\u2019t have them can intensify this (the old wanting what we can\u2019t have). Try to remind yourself they are human and have flaws you don\u2019t know about. Maybe they are really messy and leave their underwear all over the house, maybe they get really grumpy when they don\u2019t have their way, or maybe they survive off chocolate milk and Cheetos that they eat while sitting in their briefs watching some awful show that you would never watch in a million years lol idk just coming up with random things. Point being maybe thinking of qualities they are missing that you would want in a SO or make up your own not so attractive qualities they might have that would be a turn off (yet not lead you to lose all respect for them as a therapist lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epciq6", "comment_id": "feiv06g"}, {"question": "Can medication make you gain weight, or stop losing weight (staying same weight despite undereating) for reasons other than increasing appetite?", "description": "Edited to add: I know I have an eating disorder and that this is dangerous. I\u2019ve lost a lot of weight quickly, but I\u2019m still overweight. I am seeking help from a whole team (psychiatrist, counsellor, my gp, and I have to see a dietician) of people, but it\u2019s early days. My post is basically about why I would have a stall in weight loss when still eating a lot less than I burn. How does that work? Why does it happen and what\u2019s the science? Isn\u2019t just calories in vs calories out? \n\nFemale/in my 20s/100kg/178cm/white \n\nMeds:\n- escitalopram 20mg for a few months\n\n- recently in last 2 weeks started Neaulactil (periciazine) 2.5mg twice a day after less than a week of mirtzapine (came off due to worry about weight gain. Psychiatrist said periciazine is not known for weight gain...but now I\u2019m not sure). \n\nAll newer meds happened within last 2 weeks since I started getting further help for anxiety and help for my recently diagnosed eating disorder. \n\nMedical; \n\nDiabetes type 2/hypertension now managed with lifestyle\n\nDepression/anxiety\n\nAtypical anorexia nervosa (lost over 100lbs since August through restriction. Recently started purging too - don\u2019t know if relevant). \n\nI\u2019m on new meds and my weight has stayed the same for 2.5 weeks, fluctuating the same kg. \n\nI\u2019ve had a few days of eating more than usual, but still never over my BMR and I\u2019ve only eaten over 1200 once, which is very unusual for me. My limit is 399 calories a day, but I\u2019ve probably averaged 700 a day last few weeks, which is a lot for me. But I have been exercising it off. \n\nWhy has my weight stopped coming off? It\u2019s happened before, but it felt different and it started losing again after like 1.5 weeks, and it didn\u2019t fluctuate this much. \n\nI\u2019ve never had water weight cause this. Logically it must mean I\u2019m eating at my BMR right? But I\u2019m not. I obsessively track everything I eat. The meds have caused an appetite increase I think, and I\u2019ve had days I\u2019ve eaten more than usual, but still under 1200 except for 1 day. And that\u2019s just a few days out of the last 2 weeks. And I exercise and track calories burned, with leeway as I know fitbits aren\u2019t super Accurate. \n\nI know of starvation mode and all that Jazz...could that be what\u2019s finally happening? \n\nI\u2019m freaking out, if it\u2019s not obvious. I do see a psychiatrist (just started seeing them after doctor was concerned) and already see a psychologist who knows all my eating stuff, and I\u2019ll talk to them this week. But now I\u2019m not losing weight I\u2019m paranoid everyone will think I\u2019m faking the eating disorder and eating more than I\u2019ve said. I didn\u2019t even want the help that much, my doctor wanted me too. But now they\u2019ll think I\u2019m a liar. \n\nanyway, Any potential reasons for this? Obviously it\u2019s coincided with the new meds, so im guessing they\u2019re the culprit. But why? And how? \n\nI\u2019ve considered water weight and starvation mode, in just not convinced of either. But advice appreciated.", "answer": "Obviously discussing this with your caregivers is the best advice I can give.It seems to me your anxiety is the real enemy here, not your weight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7yyuo", "comment_id": "fihhvi1"}, {"question": "My live-in boyfriend [29/m] and I [26/f] are currently on a break.", "description": "Be warned, this is my first time ever on reddit. I'll give a baby summary of whats going on and some points so it's not a big ass story. \n\nWe've been together 8 years and I never thought this would happen.\nIt literally came out of nowhere. We just got back from a really nice trip and we're making plans for the next ones. \n\nUltimately it was his insecurities that prompted me to bring up the idea of a break.It just seemed to play out so fast. We started the conversation in our house together on Friday and I'm already sleeping at my parents house Sunday.\n \n- I'm his only partner, ever. He's curious but swears he'd never cheat (I believe him wholeheartedly on this). \n\n- We've never really had a chance to be individuals or independent. \n\n- We have sex almost everyday and it's amazing about 93% of the time, the other 7% is good. No complaints in that department.\n\n- We get along amazingly. No massive fights, we have a lot of fun, we go on adventures. I thought we were both happy.\n\n- I am dependent on him in a lot of ways, but he is to me as well. I cook, I clean, I do everything around the house. I feel like his mother... he feels like that too. But he makes the money, I make peanuts compared to him. \n\n- He may not want babies or marriage and I've always wanted both. However this last year \n\n- He can't see the future for us, or even himself. He feels so lost he doesn't even know what he wants in life. I see our future but not really goals for myself. \n\n- We're trying to find \"ourselves\" this week. I think he wants more than a week to figure his stuff out but we live together so I don't know how we could manage that. \n\n- We still love each other, and care about each other. A lot. \n\nHas anyone gone through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. I need some stories!\n", "answer": "ground rules. one month tops. no dating. make a contact schedule in the meantime.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k034", "comment_id": "dgzfo9f"}, {"question": "Can I see the same therapist as a close friend?", "description": "My friend Sara has been seeing her therapist, Caty, for a year now. If you look at my last post, my friend Sara was statutorily raped by her step brother, Landon, and I was the one who reached out and told Sara's mother on her behalf. \n\nOnce it was out in the open, she told her therapist about it and her therapist reported it. \n\nNow, i'm having a hard time dealing with things because Landon's family is blaming me for reporting it, when I didn't. I simply told Sara's mother, because she ASKED me to. Caty, the therapist, is the one who reported it.\n\nTo start over with a new therapist who doesn't know all of this information would take multiple sessions. But Caty knows all the parts of this story, she is involved. Am I allowed to schedule a session with her and talk about these things?", "answer": "Allowed? Yes. Sara's therapist may not want to schedule this appointment (as mentioned in another comment). However, I think considering this context it may make a lot of sense if she did.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blus32", "comment_id": "emrkx16"}, {"question": "Why do I have trouble socializing for long periods of time?", "description": "I dunno, after awhile lately I just kinda seem to tap out. Like recently at a friends party I was originally gonna spend the night (which was never a problem before) but like I almost wanted to cry because I needed to leave it was so bad.\nToday I hosted a Christmas party and it happened again. The party was only from 5pm-10pm but still, around 8, I started to tap out and I just wasn\u2019t feeling it anymore, and by 9:30-ish I just kept hoping everyone would just leave. \nI wasn\u2019t having a bad time either of these occasions, I just stopped being able to handle it after awhile. I\u2019m not sure why this has been happening... I\u2019ve noticed it at a lot of family get togethers, too. This is all new, I\u2019ve never had this problem before...\n", "answer": "Could indeed have multiple reasons, but I get the sense that people who feel this really intensely tend to not \"just be introverted\", but actually suffer from self-image / esteem issues, where they are constantly making an effort to figure out how to behave in that situation or with certain people, instead of just being themselves as they are in that moment. Of course, this is very tiring, and makes you feel like tapping out after a while.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7kcoto", "comment_id": "dregu7f"}, {"question": "Asking people for help finding a job. ", "description": "Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Is there a Career Skills subreddit? Anyway, it's social enough. \n\nTwo years I had a college internship with a company. I am facebook friends with some of my co-workers, but I haven't kept in touch aside from generic \"Happy Birthday\" posts and the occasional like. \n\nI don't know how to approach my friends looking for work. I've hardly talked to them in a long time. I know they'd remember me, but I feel weird just being \"Hey, now that I'm done with college, can I have a job?\"\n\nCompany background: It was one of many owned by a larger family of companies. Anyway, the business I worked for shut down, but many of my former co-workers are at a sister company owned by the same larger group, while some are at other businesses in the same industry. \n\n", "answer": "You might want to add in a friendly overture in addition to asking for a job. Ie \"Blah blah blah can you help me get a job? Regardless, would you be up for getting lunch sometime?\" That way your job request seems more friendly, and as a bonus if you do end up working there you've made a friend :)\n\nOf course, only do this if you actually want to spend time with the person socially. If you hate the thought of hanging out with them, they'll probably sense your insincerity and that will torpedo your chances of them recommending you for a job.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "v8q9g", "comment_id": "c52gyec"}, {"question": "\"Going to rehab is a total admittance of failure.\"", "description": "Two days ago I recieved the results of my latest blood test.\r\rI had my 19th Birthday on May 13th.\r\r\rThe results of my blood tests have shown that my liver is going into failure.\rI drink (on average) 600ml of vodka everyday (I also \"overdose\" on codeine-based painkillers, smoke cannabis daily, and induce vomiting at least once on a daily basis.\r\rTonight I was talking to my boyfriend about he prospect of me going into rehab for a few weeks. I'm 19 years of age, and I know that I have so much potential, but my SO thinks that going to rehab is confirmation that I am, in fact, a failure.\r\rWhat do I do?", "answer": "That's one way to frame it. There is another way to frame it and its your choice to decide which perspective will serve you better. In today's paper it was reported that researchers have found a group of 11 genes that predict risk of alcoholism. Apparently its now proven that there is a inherited component for alcoholism. Instead of saying you are a failure you can say that you've been dealt a bad hand and now its time to play that hand as best you can. Getting medical help for a medical condition makes sense. You could say that diabetics are failures as organisms too, but does saying that help them lead comfortable lives? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2664or", "comment_id": "choar5v"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [25M] is unsure of his feelings", "description": "Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Everything was great, he said he loves me but one thing bothers me. He is a distant person, he told me many times. He's not showing me affection. Yesterday we talked and i told him that it bothers me. Suddenly he started to question everything. He said maybe he doesn't know what love means and that's why he is so cold. That maybe he doesn't love me if i have to remind him about my needs. He also said that he was hurt in the past but talking about it is not an option. He wants me to give him time to think about it but to be honest it hurts to much. I love him very much but dont know if i can wait. I feel like every i love you was a lie and i dont know how to handle this. He calls me and asks how i'm feeling but when i try to talk about the issue he says he feels pressured and trapped. Also he thinks i'm over reacting, but when i asked him of he wants to break up he gets mad and doesn't want to talk.\n\n**tl;dr** i don't know what to do", "answer": "after eight months, he should know. this doesn't bode well for a future i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bi5d3", "comment_id": "dhmsgqi"}, {"question": "I'm [26/m] with my girlfriend [23/f] disagreeing on some part of a relationships", "description": "My girlfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye on a relationship. My girlfriend think that in a relationship it should be always us and when an individual think about wanting to do something, he/she should include us.\n\nMeanwhile, sometimes, I might want to do something with the guys or travel on my own without my girlfriend. I don't see it selfish, but for me it doesn't have to be us 24/7.\n\nAm I seeing it wrong here or do I have a point?", "answer": "most couples have a balance between time together and time apart", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64wiwz", "comment_id": "dg5ng5e"}, {"question": "Reddit, how do I meet my future husband in 2017?", "description": "Hello! 22 year old lady, I'll be 23 this Saturday!! \n\nThroughout my short life, I have called off my wedding due to the discovery of cheating and I just ended my last relationship because, again, of cheating. \n\nIt seems nearly impossible to find \"the one\" this day in age. Let me make it clear that I believe you can have an amazing relationship with more than one person, not just \"one.\" \n\nI have tried free online dating and either got catfished or wasn't interested in the other people. I think it's crazy to waste hard earned dollars for a chance of finding love, eharmony can't guarantee that. Besides, I just got my Bachelor's. The student loans are going to drain me. \n\nMy friends and family don't seem to know anyone they could introduce to me, which seems crazy since that is how people met back in the day. \n\nI'm really not that hard to get along with! I prefer pajamas and video games over fancy restaurants any day. I prefer getting flower seeds over real flowers. \n\nI'm also 5'2 and a natural redhead. I can't be that intimidating! \n\nSo, how can I meet my future husband in 2017? :) ", "answer": "Have conversations with as many men as you possibly can....dating sites, social/recreational activities, etc.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67m1we", "comment_id": "dgrpbe9"}, {"question": "Need advice- toxic relationship, or over analysing?", "description": "I've [27F] been with my parter [27M] since 20yo, and was very damaged and insecure at 20. I'm now much more confident and starting to see some elements in him that concern me. Am I being overly picky? We've talked openly about how he knows he scores highly on the 'dark triad', has high capacity for manipulation, but he tries to lead a moral life. He usually does, more than others I know, much to his credit. But he's said that if he was with a weaker woman,he would just get bored and manipulate her, making her feel that she was never good enough despite her doing everything for him. When he is really tired, he looks to upset me- not hugely, because I'll get irritated enough to have a fight (he hates conflict outright) by enough to know I'm hurt. He is also not genuinely happy (I feel) when I achieve something. My career is challenging, while he's stagnated. He's going to university this year, and wants to beat all my high marks 'so I will be proud of him', but that feels 'off' to me. Hes also quite critical at times, to the point where I feel he thinks I can't do anything right. He's suffering from depression, and getting help now, but I've had this uneasy fear for a while now. Usually he's lovely, caring, shares housework, is supportive of my career, but these dark spots worry me because what will he be like if I can no longer leave easily? Ie pregnant/have kids etc. I guess since it's my first/only long term relationship, I don't have any perspective. Please be gentle, it's my first post, fake account. ", "answer": "sounds like he's bogged down within himself. he should see a therapist, and when his depression subsides, re-evaluate. 'dark triad' is something a professional should diagnose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v44t6", "comment_id": "ddz40zs"}, {"question": "[59/f] behind confused about my ex boyfriend [64/m] and how to be free of him", "description": " I broke up with bf a month ago. We've broken up a few times before over what I believe were lies about his finances. He has very little assets and is finding a new job after losing a job a month ago. Either way he won't be making much. I have saved a fair amount from working all my life and have a nice home. He kept on reaching out to me to reconcile and tells me he wants to marry as soon as he gets a job. I still care for him but scared to death I'll need to support him and I already have 2 kids I'm supporting (I'm a widow). He thinks I should be telling my family we are back together even though we really aren't other than his insistence for me to meet him for coffee 1 or 2 times per week. He wants to know my whereabouts all the time and thinks I should wait for him to become employed again. Should I run in the other direction? If I don't will I regret it?", "answer": "Lies about finances are a bad sign. You have to decide if you love him enough to carry the financial load the rest of your life. At our age, anything can happen, and usually does......so he could get a great job but get sick. Or you could. You never know. That's why i would base it on the quality of the relationship and his overall decency and integrity as a human being.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqcxb", "comment_id": "dj8ew1u"}, {"question": "Why in the world is the company Better Help sharing your Online Therapy Data With Facebook?", "description": "I just finished reading this article, \"[The Spooky, Loosely Regulated World of Online Therapy](https://jezebel.com/the-spooky-loosely-regulated-world-of-online-therapy-1841791137)\" on Jezebel. Turns out Better Help shares all kinds of personal data including data on your therapy sessions with companies like Facebook. When asked they brushed it off as standard practice. Seems like Better Help is very happy to monetize vulnerability while acting like it cares. Just a word of caution: Many of these mental health apps have dodgy privacy policies and are usually founded by people that have no business running mental health company. They have very cynical views of privacy laws and everything is a monetizable activity including sharing your innermost feelings to 3rd parties wanting to sell you advertisements. Caveat Emptor!", "answer": "Therapist here. \n\nThose types of companies have been a bit of a mess for a while. From the professional side of things I've heard horror stories.\n\nFriendly reminder while this is here: there are lots of private therapists who offer online sessions outside of a service like BetterHelp. Always feel free to ask any prospective counselors you talk to if they offer online services.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f7f7jk", "comment_id": "fib4sve"}, {"question": "Are full blown hallucinations where you lose complete touch with reality a real thing? I have a friend who claims they get these but I\u2019m weary.", "description": "I started talking to this person in the summer. She has a lot of mental health issues and not many friends and I became someone that she can talk to whenever she needs. She can tell me anything and vent whenever she wants. I know she has some legitimate issues but some things she tells me don\u2019t seem real and seem to be made up for attention. She claims to be schizophrenic and have psychotic episodes. But she told me that sometimes she has hallucinations where she loses complete touch with reality. She\u2019ll be sitting in school and all of the sudden she\u2019s in another state with a man chasing her trying to kill her. Crazy, outlandish stories like that. And I\u2019m just not sure if things like that exist. This might be the wrong sub but I\u2019d appreciate it if anyone can let me know. Thank you!", "answer": "As someone who has worked with plenty of folks with Psychotic Disorders, this type of thing does exist, but is pretty rare. \n\n\nFor most folks with severe Schizophrenia, auditory hallucinations are the most common along with a set a strange delusions (ie. I'm actually an angel sent from God, the government is broadcasting signals to me, etc.). Vivid visual hallucinations are extremely rare unless there is also some drug use involved. \n\n\nFor the most part, Schizophrenia doesn't really hit folks until late teens early adulthood. For men, generally late teens-early 20's. For women it's generally in early to mid-20's. \n\n\nWhat your friend is describing sounds like it could either be an overactive imagination or some type of flashback or dissociative episode that happens to folks who have experienced some trauma in their lives. \n\n\nI can't/won't give any type of diagnosis or anything like that based off of a Reddit post, but these types of things are possible, though fairly rare.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bbg19x", "comment_id": "ekkd2qn"}, {"question": "I don't want to be a narcissist.", "description": "3 years ago, I was very insecure and shy. I hated myself and I tried to become a better me\n\nI made the effort to do as I'd wish and within **a year**, my insecurity deminished so fast.\n\nI'm loving myself like no other could, and I wouldn't trade my physical and mental/social state for anything and anyone else.\n\nThe problem is, I notice i'm loving myself *too much*, and I tried to consider that fact false. However, i've notice that it's becoming a problem to my friends. And I want to avoid conflicts.\n\nHow can I calm my pride without using negativity on my emotions? ", "answer": "Maybe your self love isn't the problem but the way you express it to others. Your friends would have the best information. Do you trust any of them to give you honest feedback about what they don't like. Also it is entirely possible that they are jealous of you. Not sure which. Just my thoughts. \n\nOh and the fact that you're worrying about being a narcissist is already good for you. Not many narcissist would even have the awareness or ego strength to ask what you just did. So props. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72i4q2", "comment_id": "dniprku"}, {"question": "Feeling such peace", "description": "I have a success story. Hopefully you guys will appreciate it.\nFirst, some background. I come from a sheltered family that mostly kept to themselves. I had friends all growing up but I struggled with socializing in general and mild social anxiety. \n\nFor many years I've been actively working on improving myself and becoming a healthier person overall. I feel like I'm in a good place with it right now.\n\nThe last few weeks have had quite a few ups and downs, one involving a romantic interest. Long story short, we like each other but she's moving away. \n\nI was feeling bummed about it but decided to continue to go out and be social. My outlet is to participate in running meetups. \n\nThis Thursday I was chatting with someone and they ended up inviting me to a Gluehweinparty (German mild wine I guess, I don't drink)\n\nI thought about it and even drove there. I was close to just turning around and leaving, worried about fitting in with people that were going to be drinking. But, I told myself \"you're doing this, you can leave early if you want to, and no matter how it turns out, I can go home and play video games if I want.\"\n\nI walk inside and immediately introduce myself to the host. He seems like a friendly person and genuinely nice. I continued to introduce myself to people and join conversations throughout the night. There were probably 50 or 60 people that showed up at one point or another. I ended up staying wayyy longer than I thought I was going to because I was just so engaged. \n\nI met and had quality conversations with at least 5 or 6 people. One was a Brazilian that I spoke Portuguese with. After our conversation she came back dragging another guy, came up to me and said \"You have to meet this guy, he served his mission in Brazil too!\" I was ecstatic. \n\nI even met someone that could be another potential romantic interest. Good things all around.\n\nThat was last night. All of today, I felt like I was riding on a small high. Like my level of overall happiness had gone up a notch. I finally felt like I belonged. I've struggled with socializing in those kinds of situations, so it was a satisfying victory. I felt connected with people, made friends and felt like I was part of the group. \n\n\n\nI feel content. \n\n\n\nThanks for listening.", "answer": "I always always always dread going out and actively avoid making plans/have a book of excuses waiting to go. I want to stay inside, in my sweats, under a blanket, disassociating away on the internet. This feels so safe and comfortable to me but it makes me miserable. Misery is comfortable. Misery is magnetic.\n\nEvery time I force myself to go out I always have a great time and feel a boost of self esteem after. My problems look smaller, more manageable, and I feel motivated to keep pushing myself forward. That misery always calls for me the next day, though. It\u2019s a constant battle.\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a2biz4", "comment_id": "eaxgc57"}, {"question": "How do I deal with my job?", "description": "So, I need 20 hours of community service to get into this really nice school. I had to choose between helping baby birds or volunteering at a nursing home. I chose the nursing home, but I truly regret that decision.\n\nFor starters, the people who work their are very gruff and rude. There are a few diamonds in the rough, but the jerks are far more common. Next off, it's a huge place, and we don't have maps. I've gotten lost more times than I can count, and I usually get scolded for it. \n\nSome of the residents are very rude. I understand that many of them have mental issues, but I just can't take it. One of them had to use the restroom. This was my first day, so I had to ask for directions. I was directed to the nurses station and told they'd handle it from there. As I'm taking her there and explaining what I'm doing, she snaps. She starts shouting at me and calling me names. I just continued and wheeled her to the station, but I had to fight back tears.\n\nIt's very hot in there, and the fact that we can't sit down and are constantly moving doesn't help.\n\nThere's also the fact that we have to talk to the residents. I push through it and try to be as relaxed and kind as I can, but inside I'm freaking out.\n\nI can't quit. I need the 20 hours, and the bird thing is already over with. Do you guys have any advice?", "answer": "I worked for 2.5 years in a place like that. I kept sane by telling myself that it would be over someday, and low and behold, it is over.\n\nSometimes you just have to dive head first into something miserable and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "w0gzf", "comment_id": "c596b2d"}, {"question": "My gf just broke up with me last night super abruptly, I'm pretty confused.", "description": "So first off, we're in a long distance relationship but it was only till this coming April, we had plans to meet up and see where things went. I went to work yesterday and everything was great, she passed her test that day and said she was going to take a nap at home so she wouldn't pass out on me later that night after I got off work. So that time comes, I get home and am ready for the nightly rituals, hang out with her and play her favorite game, but instead I was met with her telling me that the distance was getting to her and the fact she couldn't be near me had her depressed to the point of not eating. She ended the relationship, I let her know that if she needed space I would give it to her. I'm at work now and can't hardly get in the space of mind to be productive. She unfriended me on all games and social media and hardly will talk to me so yeah, it was so sudden, everything was absolutely amazing before last night, we were best friends. She has severe depression way far passed mine I just wanted some opinions, I'm trying my hardest to not jump to any conclusion. I'm just hurt, we had a damn near perfect friendship. ", "answer": "If someone has severe depression, then nothing is going to go well in their life until they feel better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swkh8", "comment_id": "ddihr5t"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "DBT (dialectical behavior therapy \u2014 developed by Marsha Linehan) is a very effective therapy. It\u2019s helps quickly with impulse-control (especially self-harm). A variety of medications can help with symptoms. But the gold standard treatment is DBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eon26g2"}, {"question": "Alcohol and arrhythmia?", "description": "21 f, 5'9, 125 lbs, very healthy and exercise a ton. I have high blood pressure which is being investigated, as well as pretty incessant atrial tachycardia.\n\nI recently turned 21, so I've been drinking more... and I noticed that whenever I drink, I wake up in the middle of the night with a much worse racing heart? It only has to be like 1-2 drinks and it happens. I make sure to drink plenty of water, so I don't think that I get dehydrated and I don't really understand. Can alcohol cause my arrhythmia to get worse? If so, how? Or is this somehow related to high blood pressure? My doctor never mentioned anything about alcohol to me.", "answer": "There's a phenomenon given the name \"holiday heart\" where significant drinking can cause or worsen arrhythmia. So yes, alcohol can do this regularly enough to get a name for it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fjuq5", "comment_id": "dy4bvfw"}, {"question": "Random, but I'm interested in who you guys are outside of Borderline. How would you describe yourself, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, what do you look like, etc.?", "description": "Sometimes I let BPD define me entirely, but I know I am more than that and I know you guys are too :) Definitely curious to hear about your lives. Feel free to post photos of yourself, your pets, etc. \n\nEdit: Thank you so much for the gold! I really, really love reading about fellow Borderlines who are doing amazing things with their lives (being a mother/father, volunteering and giving back to the community, working as a nurse, working as a firefighter, going to school, writing, managing everyday life, etc.), especially when our mental illness is so heavily stigmatized and demonized by society. ", "answer": "I'm a 27 yo male. I am a marriage and family therapist and I work with kids that have intense psychiatric disorders, and their families. I fucking love it, and going through that helped me learn more about myself and who I am. Aside from that I'm moving in with my girlfriend in a few weeks and it's pretty stressful looking for a place. I have a cat, named Rusty Venture, and he's my special boy. I have two best friends I've know since I was 5 and 7 that are my real Family. Fuck I feel boring as fuck. \n\nI love video games, tabletop gaming, binging TV shows like Lost and masterchef Jr. I wanna get back into dnd but no one wants to play with me. I listen to chillwave sort of music, like washed out and toro y moi. My favorite movie is Labyrinth, but it's a close tie with Brick. My name is Daniel. I look like this http://imgur.com/hcUDLxe", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3v2qdx", "comment_id": "cxk158o"}, {"question": "Friend offered me her grinder and I have no idea what to make if it", "description": "We\u2019re in college and decided to hang out and smoke one more time before I leave (thanks covid-19). When I got to her place, she offered to give me one of her two grinders. I think I forgot to directly ask why lol. I couldn\u2019t take it, I felt too bad, but yeah I\u2019m just confused as to why someone would give away one of their grinders for free. This might be a dumb post sry. I keep thinking about it though, and how nice it was of her to offer. What do I make of this? And yes, I do plan on directly asking her sometime.", "answer": "I\u2019ve given away tons of stuff. Part of it is decluttering, part of it is a kind gesture.\n\nWhen I quit smoking, I gave it all away", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fng4nn", "comment_id": "fl9uxgp"}, {"question": "We do we pussyfoot around AA?", "description": "There are many roads to recovery. There is AA, SMART, SOS, Women in Sobriety, LifeRing, numerous cognitive behavioural methods. Some people stop on their own. Some people use harm reduction. Some people don't give a fuck.\n\nYet it seems in these recovery forums that we are ever so fucking careful about offending AA members.\n\nIt is obvious from reading any random sampling of these posts that a great many people have problems with the spiritual/religious nature of AA.\n\nThis reddit is called */r/stopdrinking* not *stoppedrinking* nor *stoppedusingAAtonotdrink\". \n \nIt is a place where people who have alcohol abuse issues come for answers. \n \nInevitably when people come to this forum there will be an AA member that will speak up for going to a meeting, etc, etc. \n \nThey have held the field for a quite awhile. \n \nBut that doesn't mean it has to be ceded to them. \n \nWhile I find AA can be useful for *very short term* sobriety - say 30-60 days. It is harmful for periods beyond that. Unless you are prepared to accept *wholesale* the implicit implications found in the meetings, the steps, and the literature. \n \nSure there are those, like AA Agnostica and various other offshoots who say that the whole **Higher Power/God** business is overblown. They spend their time retrofitting their beliefs to the AA message. Why they can't say that the AA message is flawed is beyond me. \n \nSo why do I bring this up. \n \nPerhaps it is because that not only may AA not be the answer, it may be the wrong answer. \n \nThere are countless numbers of people who abuse alcohol to a great degree who occasionally find themselves in situations, of their own making, that are intolerable. During these periods, defenses are down, self-recrimination is high. So people, in their desperation reach out for answers. They turn to reddits like this one. \n \nAnd the suggestions are **so** gentle: just go to a meeting, look for the similarities not the differences, find a sponsor, blah, blah, blah. \n \nWhat they don't get is a reasoned human being saying perhaps this is the method that you should see out. Instead there are those with 1000s of days of sobriety who trot themselves forward as modern day AA apologists. It could just as easily be said that those with 10+ years of sobriety were never alcoholics - much like AA claims for those who stop on their own. \n \nSee the thing is people wish to change their **behaviours**. AA insists that they have to change their lives. In my mind this is a complete falsehood and stems from AA's Oxford Group beginnings. \n\nSo I put my voice out there because there are different solutions, and to take a stand against one of them is not harmful. It provides context, it provides another point of view. It lets those who are questioning see that there is not one amorphous whole.", "answer": "This exact thread comes up with different titles and arguments which always comes to the same conclusion; disagreement. \n\nYou can't say AA may be the wrong answer because if you get sober and stay sober, in my opinion that is the right fucking answer. As you said this r/stopdrinking so whatever it may take to get a person sober is the right answer for them. \n\nAA never says anyone is not alcoholic, no where in the literature does it say that. That is not up to you, I, or Bill and Bob to decide. Neither does the literature say that AA has a monopoly on sobriety, in fact it says the opposite.\n\nI think it's safe to say, within this sub, AA is the predominately used means of getting sober, that teamed with AA's stance on fellowship means that people in AA are typically going to speak out more. If a person is deadset in AA being the only way, then that's simply not true because these other programs are proven as well. Not that you shouldn't heed their advice, but that is a naive mindset. \n\nThe whole concept of AA is built for the long term. The steps are not a 30-60 day thing. If you're only going to AA for 30-60 days you may as well involve yourself in another community based program like SMART.\n\nI don't know why I even respond to these things any more. These posts do nothing cause arguments which contribute nothing to those trying to get sober.\n\nSo, sorry everyone, I did it again.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1g3shl", "comment_id": "caggwbp"}, {"question": "I just need a little help and advice.", "description": "Lately I have been really depressed. I don't really care about anything, I have pretty much given up in at least two of my classes, I dislike going to church (baptized LDS), I was this close to breaking up with my girlfriend of exactly one year last Sunday, I am dissatisfied with my level of skill in tennis, I am lazy, disconnected with some of my friends, and apathetic. My grades are as follows and I am dissatisfied: Psychology:63% English Composition:80% Chemistry:63% Trigonometry:67% Journalism:82% US History:76%. it seems like no matter how hard i work, my trig, chem, and psych grades dont get any higher. I realize that there are people worse off than me, but i cant seem to snap out of it. help?\nOh, and I have always had a terrible problem with procrastination.", "answer": "That sounds pretty much like depression: lack of motivation, lack of interest in things you usually like, decreased academic performances.\n\nThe best thing you can do is probably to get in and discuss what's going on with a mental health professional (counselor, clinical social worker, psychologist)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sq5t2", "comment_id": "c4g1jx7"}, {"question": "I (30s/f) am trying to cut ties with my ex(40s/m).", "description": "Ok. So I obviously made this a throwaway to protect the innocent. I'll try to keep it concise. I apologize in advance for the wall of text.\nI had been together with my ex for about 13 years. I was madly in love with him for the majority of those years and I believe he felt the same way about me. We had some really amazing times together, but we also had some of the worst moments any relationship could face. The last 2 years had been the absolute worst. I know I should have seen the warning signs years ago, but I was too blinded by my love for him and extremely loyal to a fault. It started when he would embarrass me in front of my friends and family. About 5 years in it escalated to he and I getting into a very heated argument while he was drunk and him physically attacking me. I left him at that time for about 6 months. He found a way to woo me back into his life, and of course, promised me it would never happen again. Things were good for a little while. However they slowly deteriorated once again. We fought constantly about money and finances. He barely kept a job the entire time we were together and would go long stretches (years) without work. Relying on me and his parents to take care of his share of the financial responsibility. At times he was the most loving, caring, sensitive man I had ever met...only then to do a complete 180 and turn into a monster. I can't tell you how many times he had kicked me/locked me out of our home. A real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. \nAnyway there is a lot more I could tell you, but I think you get the picture. I stuck it out because I loved him and I love his son(not mine). I had some silly hope that things would get better...but they only got worse.\nAbout a year ago he got himself wasted drunk and had a complete break. He threw things at me, attacked me, tried to attack his son ( I was not letting that happen), just went all out crazy. The police were called and his son, his mother ( she was visiting at the time), and I left as soon as we could to get out of his path of rage. We made it safely out of there. Next thing I know the cops are showing up to where we had fled informing me he had been arrested. Let's just say he continued to get himself into trouble post us leaving the house. \nDevastated, I take time to process everything. Being the loyal person that I am, told him I would help him in whatever way I could. I did also make it clear to him that I could only be his friend, not his partner. Not after what he had done to me and how he had broken his promise and my trust. I made this clear the entire past year, but he still hung on and deluded himself into thinking we were still together. Trust me...I made it clear we were not everytime he called me his wife. I did have moments of hope that we might someday be able to work things out and live happily ever after...I'm not going to lie. They were always fleeting. Eventually he went through court and got slapped with an extremely harsh sentence. Destroying all hope of ever working things out between us. Part of me at the time did not want to work it out, but I can't stand leaving things unfinished. I at least wanted to be able to leave on good terms. I'm really terrible at hurting other people's feelings. \nFast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I meet a guy. He's wonderful and patient. Open and honest. I don't know if it will last, but I now remember what it is like to have a healthy relationship with someone. This stirred up a lot of resentment towards my ex. I finally just told him I was seeing someone. He blew up on me, told me I betrayed him and abandoned him...etc. Really? I know I know...I need to cut ties completely with the ex. I just feel so sad and so sorry for him. The jail/prison system is absolutely horrible. Regardless of what he did to me, I wish him no harm. My empathy is over the top. The entire situation just breaks my heart. How do I let go and forgive myself for hurting him?\nAny help/advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for taking the time to listen!", "answer": "You don't owe him anything. He is dangerous to you and to anyone close to him. If you want to protect his feelings and your own prospect of happiness: the path of least upsetting him is to never talk to him again. \n\nIn order to do this, you will have to ignore the parts of you that want a different resolution or that miss him, or that hope for x, y or z. Those hard feelings are the price of safety and freedom. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "713i5k", "comment_id": "dn7xvte"}, {"question": "I know it works.. so why is it so damn hard to stay motivated?", "description": "Over the past few months, I've begun to do basic weight training about once a week. My initial and ongoing goal is to build muscle, but it had the secondary benefit of improving my mental health. I feel more balanced and less moody than I have been in the past. \n\nHowever, often (on days like today) when I don't have any plans or pressing obligations and the weather is dreary, I just want to lay in bed. \n\nIt's a conundrum that the thing that would likely make me feel better is the last thing that I want to do. I will be better in a day or two when I'm back at work being productive. It's really frustrating that I have such a hard time enjoying time off. \n\nI have been able to force myself to walk, which is a good thing. Outside of that, I basically wait for my body and mind to reset. \n\nHow regimented are you all? Do you have some days when exercise is completely out of the question? \n\n", "answer": "My main goal is just dont quit. I go twice a week and make it as fun as possible (I do meditation, cardio, have a snack, and change my actual work out whenever.) I don't make big gains, but that's not my goal. When I don't feel like going, I just wear my clothes, and try for 5 min. Most of the time, I finish my workout. I also go right after work, so it's part of my scheduled. Basically, I minimize the choices (when, what to do, how I will do it, etc) and maximize the fun (have a snack, do exercises I like, listen to music, etc.)", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "34xs93", "comment_id": "cqzav9x"}, {"question": "Who should I talk to about being diagnosed?", "description": "I feel really awkward calling it a diagnosis but I thought that would cover what I meant.\n\nI had a bad couple of years at the start of secondary school( got into a couple fights, bullied quite a lot, etc.) and I spent some time with my school's learning support. The word autistic was bounced around a couple times then everything got a lot better from about year 9 onwards and it didn't really come up again. I wasn't sure if it was recorded until recently one of my teachers had his mark system on the board and I saw that next to my name it said \"autism\" under the special needs section.\n\nA couple of the things I do and say make me think that I'm mildly autistic but I've never done tests( are there tests for autism?) to see whether I am or not. I don't feel that it affects my life in any serious way as I'm happy, confident and okay at handling social situations. However, I want to be more aware of where I stand on the autistic spectrum and how this might affect me and others.", "answer": "Most communities have autism resources. It may be a message board or another kind of support group. I would post a message in/get in touch with one of these asking about reputable psychologists in your area that deals with autism/asperger's. If you can't find anything like that, you could result to calling at least a few local psychologists asking for the name of someone who deals with asperger's/autism.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "wqbos", "comment_id": "c5fjm8x"}, {"question": "My 8yr old has a bad diet", "description": "She is extremely picky when it comes to foods and I'm concerned that she's not getting her dailey nutrition. \n\nI make myself a protein shake in the morning. She does not like to drink milk. So, I pour a little bit into a cup for her, less than half a cup. Im making maybe a 16oz cup and I'll give her maybe 4. \n\nHer mom thinks this is a bad idea that's its not healthy for her. My argument is that now she's drinking milk and getting some proteins....\n\nIs it bad for her?\n\nhttps://imgur.com/gallery/oRa11\n\nThe protein in question\n\n", "answer": "You're giving her protein. It's not exactly balanced nutrition. Multivitamins and/or omega-3 might be a better option.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531mij", "comment_id": "d7p88sp"}, {"question": "Pressure to be a 'woman'", "description": "I notice that other women are more emotionally expressive, and are very good at building trust and comfort. People have told me that women who have 'grown into' their femininity or are just naturally feminine act as social glues and are great at hosting, entertaining, catching social cues, building and maintaining relationships, etc.\n\nSo... I'm the complete opposite of all the above and have to put in a lot of work to just be emotionally expressive, and get people to feel at ease around me. When I'm around other girls I feel so out of place. I don't feel like I belong with guys either, so I'm confused about which 'energy' I project and gravitate to the most.\n\nBecause of this I don't feel like I have a strong sense of self and have a very difficult time connecting to people. It's a surprise that I even managed to have relationships at this point but mostly because I befriend extroverts who do most of the emotional labor. I want to contribute more but I really have a tough time in social situations and leading a conversation.\n\nPlease help, for anyone who has some insight. ", "answer": "I work at an agency that primarily serves the LGBT community. I participated in a great workshop talking about masculine identities. It made me realize that I don't necessarily believe that anything is inherently \"manly\" or \"womanly\". Although a lot of folks do ascribe to societal and cultural gender norms.... nothing is written that you have to. I think we're all a combination of stereotypically masculine and feminine traits regardless of our gender. \n\n\nFor instance... I'm a cisgender guy. I have some stereotypical masculine traits.... I'm a protector, I can be aggressive when need be, I love sports and I'm extremely competitive. \n\n\nOn the other hand, I'm a therapist. My job is to be intuitive, emotionally supportive, caring, and a good listener. I'm damn good at what I do and I love it, though all of these are stereotypical feminine traits. In my marriage, I do most of the cooking and probably most of the crying during movies. (Coco had me near bawling). \n\n\nNone of that makes me feel like any less of a man, because for me, what \"being a man is\" is what I decide for myself, not society. You get to decide what being woman is to you, if you even really want to identify as such. \n\n\n\nWhen it comes to friendships and relationships, everyone has their own preferences in what they're looking for in friends and romantic partners. Be true to yourself and sure enough, you'll be able to find the people who are looking for someone just like you! ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zpyw0", "comment_id": "e2kkhx3"}, {"question": "is it fair that i go and reveal all truths about our relationship when gf didnt tell all truth ?", "description": "me and my gf were in a serious relationship for past 2 years . we usually started with casual and have made a decision that we will part ways when her parents will get her married. . she first told me she wants to marry me...we will convince our parents and will get married with their happiness. i told my parents from the starting ..and was ultimately able to convince them...she didnt find the courage to let her family know about our relationship. she made me make many promises and i totally stand up to those promises... \n\nshe offerd me to run away and get married but i made her understand its not fair...she keep on saying from the start that she will die if i donot marry her..she will die if her parents donot listen..she will not let anybody touch her except me....\n \nso we both were serious and happy. now the time came when her parents had found a groom for her. she told them about us but didnt hv the courage to tell everything . so her parents thought that it wasnt that serious . we just liked each other that it. and they pressuried her and same time told her to chose one of the two in haste and fast . they said either \n1. choose them and forget about me and end everything \n2. choose me and they will not contact her for lifetime and they will be dead to her.\n\nshe wanted both but was not able to decide. in just 2 days after telling her parents ...she just gave up without much effort and without revealing all truths about our relationship and choose them.\n\nshe told me to forget her and that she is sorry but parents happiness is all that matters. \n\ni feel like its not fair to my part and i am.not able to accept it. i want to try every possible thing to convince them but keeping the dignity and trust of our relationship intact. \n\ni want to tell her parents the complete situation and the whole truth about our relationship. \n will it be fair ?", "answer": "it's about HER, not the parents. she's not ready to cut the cord and will never have a rel. until she does", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6szkx0", "comment_id": "dlh3g58"}, {"question": "My overactive intelligence makes me a total buzzkill. How do I just relax?", "description": "I require constant intellectual stimulation. Even if I'm drunk at a party or a bar, I'll still attempt to impose something intellectual onto the situation. I'll watch the crowds and analyze the social dynamics, I'll study the moves of the good dancers, I'll pair off with the other wallflowers and talk about science and philosophy.\n\nApparently, I don't know how to just chill out and have a good time, and as a result, I'm kind of boring and dry, which of course doesn't get me invited out. At all.\n\nThis sucks. I'm kind of tired of being an observer, I want to be a participant every once in a while too. I want to be able to cut loose and have some \"so I was drinking with friends\" stories that don't involve me making a complete and utter fool out of myself, like the ones that I do have. And for what It's worth, I think the events in those stories have kind of scared me off from relaxing while drinking, at least while in company. I did some insanely stupid things, and now I'm *very* observant about how much I drink, who I'm drinking with, where I'm drinking, and in order to keep from going full retard again, I try to keep myself functioning on a higher level.\n\nIt's not just in party situations though. It's all the time. Basically, I can't relax intellectually. I'm always analyzing, dissecting, and rationalizing, and I want to stop.\n\nSo how do I do that?", "answer": "Um. Maybe try something physical that puts you in a \"flow\" state where you're really really focused on being in the moment? Something like yoga or dancing or martial arts.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xdooo", "comment_id": "c5ll9et"}, {"question": "DAE wish for an incurable disease, just so they can die without guilt of hurting others?", "description": "I would never commit suicide because of the guilt and regret that leaves behind, but existing is fucking hard. Sometimes I find myself hoping for some terminal illness just to escape without anyone feeling personally responsible. Is this normal, or am I just really fucking crazy?", "answer": "A terminal disease would mean we are 100% blameless and a victim... the BPD dream. So yes, I understand that instinct entirely. But having realized the truth about why we might feel that way needs to make us say \u2014 WHOA\u2014 wth, that\u2019s disturbing and really learn to work and relate more healthfully.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "edv9ai", "comment_id": "fbsphaw"}, {"question": "How to help someone spend less money and cut down on impulse buying?", "description": "Trying to financially better my SO so we do not run into problems in the future. Any tips on how to help someone save their money or mostly prioritize purchases would be helpful!! Thank you!!", "answer": "Make a budget. Write down how much money comes in every month, how much typically gets spent on bills and food and whatnot (looking at the spending from past months is helpful to figure out what typical food spending is like for example), and then see how much is left over if anything. Having a bank account with and online spending tracker or app is super helpful here.\n\nThen I would also open up a separate savings account purely for the purpose of saving. I opened up two online accounts with Ally - they have a higher interest rate than my credit union, the only downside is it takes a few days to transfer money in/out so I use it for long-term saving. One account is savings for a future down payment on a house, the other is for a car. I estimated how much I would be paying in car payments and insurance monthly, and I just transfer that amount into the car savings account every month. That way I get used to spending that amount and I know that I can't touch it if it gets automatically transferred. \n\nMy credit union offers free financial advising, which helped me a lot. r/personalfinance has some beginner guides for budgeting as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "can17y", "comment_id": "et9rx9a"}, {"question": "Maximising the benefits of counselling", "description": "I've been going to counselling regularly since February now. At my counsellor's suggestion, I have taken the following actions:\n\n* Started a journal to document my feelings\n\n* Asked my friend to not help me commit suicide (not that he was for it, but he was an integral part of my plan)\n\n* Promised to talk to him and my parents any time I start thinking about self-harming or committing suicide\n\nNow, when I journal, I just end up writing a justification for why I hate myself. Talking to my friend was only a one-off, preventative measure. When I start thinking about self-harming, it's almost always the week of the appointment, so I see no need to bring it up beforehand.\n\nLately, I've been feeling worse. I'm quicker to anger, I lose focus and then hate myself for not doing my work, I feel like I'm a fuck-up who consistently screws himself over. I'm not sure what benefits I've really gained from going to counselling. I don't think we've ever really discussed what I should be doing. We've talked about anti-depressants, but he can't prescribe.\n\nLast time, we decided to have my parents come in. I'm pretty pissed that my dad didn't bother to ask why I was depressed, he just wanted to know how I had been planning on killing myself so he could restrict access. [This](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/the_torn_skirt/Blog/giveashit.jpg) sums up how I feel about that quite nicely.\n\nAt any rate, my next appointment is tomorrow. What are some ways I can try and get some better short term benefits from it? Right now, I'm just wasting my parents' money without feeling any of the effects.", "answer": "Counselor here: tell your therapist everything you said here. If something isn't working- tell them. Not every approach works with everyone. Also- it is perfectly normal for people to sometimes feel worse before they feel better. Therapy often asks us to discuss and dig up negative things that we can't always alleviate in 50 min. Remember that it is a process, with an end goal in mind. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tpbqw", "comment_id": "c4ok6gq"}, {"question": "Is there a term ( attention seeking/narcissism? ) for someone who consistently needs to interject themselves somehow into every situation or national news story?", "description": "My aunt (57) has always been the dramatic type but it seems like it\u2019s gotten beyond the typical crisis/drama queen behavior. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s to the point of suggesting therapy to her. \nShe has always had some attention seeking qualities but nothing to cause more than a few eye rolls at family reunions because she is also very kind and generous. Over the past couple of years though it has become impossible to have a conversation with her without there being some (perceived ) crisis or drama. Much of it over things beyond her control, not her responsibility or very minimal I.e. a step-grandchild\u2019s 2nd grade poor report card required a middle of the working day emergency phone call to discuss what an awful job her parents are doing ( they\u2019re not) and how she needs to live with them and she will fix it (not gonna happen) Every time there is a major local or national news story she has to somehow interject herself into it and call/post about it. ( \u201cI can\u2019t sleep!! My friend\u2019s son (who I\u2019ve never met) lives (somewhere) near Minneapolis! I hope he\u2019s ok!!\u201d And I cant count the number of tearful phone calls regarding the acquaintance who had Covid-19 and was critically ill. Yes it\u2019s tragic but I thought she was describing a close friend or family member based on her reaction. A plane had to make an emergency landing and she had \u201cjust flown that airline last month!! It could have been me on there!!\u201d True stories. \nShe also knows a semi-famous person and for years her cover photo has been of her and (semi celebrity) not her husband or family. \nI know she\u2019s an adult and her behavior isn\u2019t malicious or dangerous but I know it\u2019s unhealthy and is interfering with her work and her husband doesn\u2019t want to talk about it. \nIs there a term for this? Is it a personality trait or disorder? Should she be getting help? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Rather than focusing on what you think may be the cause of he behavior, you may get further by focusing on how it causes distress in her life . What is happening at work?\n\nI don't know enough to say what it going on. I don't know her background and history, and have never observed here . My opinion is just an idea based on what you shared : The examples you shared give me the impression that she may be trying to connect with others. There is nothing particularly grandiose or exciting, but these stories are relatable because everyone understands the reference and is in the loop. It sounds like a way to stay relevant and to not worry about telling a boring story. There is a lot of intensity in these stories! At least in her mind , she always has something interesting going on.\n\nAnother reason I think this may be a misguided attempt to connect is that it works! At least one relative (you) picks up the phone over and over and listens. You look at her social media , too . If these stories are gutting attention (,even an eye roll), that is working for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "guej4r", "comment_id": "fsi0tio"}, {"question": "I (20m) haven\u2019t been to the dentist in two years, but brush my teeth twice a day regularly. At my cleaning today, I was told I have 12 cavities. Is this possible?", "description": "I am a 20-year-old male (5\u201910\u201d, 150lbs, Caucasian) in college, so I\u2019ve definitely been experiencing a lot of stress and have been grinding my teeth a lot since my last dentist appointment. However, I haven\u2019t been experiencing a whole lot of pain in my teeth, just some sensitivity. They also mentioned that most of the cavities were due to a lack of flossing and were therefore in between my teeth (i.e. not from grinding). I\u2019m not one to question doctors and self-diagnose, but I just find it hard to believe that I somehow developed 12 cavities while thinking I had none. We\u2019ve had issues with this dentist in the past where they act like used car salesmen, so I\u2019m skeptical about getting the cavities filled without a second opinion.\n\nI should also mention that I am going back to school (~450 miles away) in about a week, and when I told them this they were adamant I didn\u2019t see another dentist out that way to fix any issues. Instead they told me I should wait til December to see them again because they are more familiar with my records. Should I just put my faith in these doctors and let them do their job, or am I right in being suspicious of their claims?", "answer": "For dental issues you might want r/Dentistry instead. My general opinion is that anyone recommending against second opinions is a medical huckster and you want a second opinion even more. The only exception would be something so urgent that there's no time for a second opinion, and waiting until December definitely isn't that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928y4y", "comment_id": "e33yp3m"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "e5a64it"}, {"question": "Why should I have to be challenged, or \"meet challenges head-on\"? Why can't I avoid them and go about my life?", "description": "This is coming right off the back of a meeting I just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so I'm still pretty chaffed about it.\n\nThe phrase \"meeting challenges head-on\" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so.\n\nI just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard. I HATE doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily. In most cases, I'll still do them, but I don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where I can big myself up and say well done. I'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again. And kind of wish I hadn't in the first place.\n\nI understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, I like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch. Always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so I have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again.\n\nI'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. Is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with?\n\n[TL;DR](http://imgur.com/3W6D1F8)", "answer": "If you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. And both are bad", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6e0qu1", "comment_id": "di6ug8p"}, {"question": "General question, but how bad is a little tobacco here and there?", "description": "Required info: Age: 19; Height: 6\u20193\u201d; Weight: 205; Gender: Male\n\nQuick question about tobacco. I don\u2019t smoke cigarettes and I don\u2019t dip or anything. My only tobacco use is either a cigar on super special occasions, or in a moke or backwoods blunt, so with a little weed, and weed use is maybe 3-4 times a month, so this is half that. \n\nHow bad is that?", "answer": "I don't know of good studies on occasional smokers, but a rough estimate of risk would be taking the risks of a daily smoker and dividing it by the amount that you smoke. So it's not zero risk, but it's much lower risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8whiue", "comment_id": "e1vxnul"}, {"question": "Errm ... so how do I do my stool sample?", "description": "26, UK, never really been to a doctor so everything is new to me ... how in the actual f do I do a stool sample? I have two very small tubes. Not sure if they want both filled or if one is a backup lol.\n\nAnd once it's done, how am I handing it in? Surely not at reception?\n\nShould have asked more questions.", "answer": "I bet you your GP just gave you a couple of bottles and sent you off!\n\nJust shit in them and bring them back. Dont contaminate them as much as practicable. Wash your hands! Hand them in reception - they've been given worse I assure you!\n\nNothing to be embarrassed about honestly, but anxiety is understandable if its the first time you've had to do anything like this.\n\n[Stool samples - NHS](http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/how-should-i-collect-and-store-a-stool-faeces-sample.aspx?CategoryID=69)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56588c", "comment_id": "d8hmsok"}, {"question": "About Getting Help", "description": "I'm considering getting help. What are some of your experiences with this? Was it effective? Worth it?\n\nYour thoughts on medications?\n\nCognitive/Behavioral Therapy?\n\nThe thing that concerns me is this lack of acceptance of my current situation, the anxiety at all; it is part of me, right? Is my control only limited to how I respond to it, or can I eliminate it?", "answer": "CBT has been shown to be quite effective in treating anxiety. It's a pretty straightforward approach. It also is typically less expensive in the long run than meds, and without the side effects.\n\nAs far as eliminating anxiety- therapy doesn't claim to get rid of negative emotions (sadness, anxiety, anger, etc), because those are all normal parts of the human experience. Everyone experiences anxiety- a moderate amount is normal, and therapists cant and wont change that. Instead, therapy teaches you how to control your anxiety to keep it from becoming where it is now. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "snhrl", "comment_id": "c4g0tw0"}, {"question": "Child Sleeping With (Defensive) Weapons", "description": "What is the data on such occurrences, if any at all, and if there is any, what does it say?\n\nI ask because I\u2019ve been on the road to recovery of my childhood trauma for nearly 3 years now, and I just remembered that I used to do this, and it has really hit me hard.", "answer": "I do not treat kids . However, in my role as a forensic psychologist , I often have to read records (police, medical, mental health) related to the people I evaluate and victims. I have seen this come up in situations where a child's mother is in an abusive relationship. However, I'm not aware of research on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "frk385", "comment_id": "flxrluw"}, {"question": "9 yr old severe anxiety in summer...", "description": "My 9 yr old is having severe anxiety over blushing in front of schoolmates. We have been with friends and family for 4th of July activities the past two nights and has told me she is very worried about school and blushing, even during a fireworks show. Last night she even mentioned she likes school but not herself. This talk is obviously alarming. We will talk with our pediatrician but was thinking we could get some good feedback, opinions, resources etc. that would help us dive in and give her some relief.", "answer": "I think it's good that you're so actively doing your best for your daughter and I understand her words can be alarming. \n\nKeep in mind that regardless of the professional help you may or may not need, her parents are very important to her and you can definitely help her also to be a healthy and developing child. My advice would be to make sure you (both parents) are not reacting with becoming more stressed than needed. She is learning what happens when she tells you she is not so happy. I am not talking about whether or not you tell her about your feelings and thoughts, because she will notice anyway. \n\nSo talk about it, care about it, and show her what happens when you tell your parents you're not feeling good (they love you, they understand you, they will help you, they may not be perfect but they are good enough).\n\nHope this helps.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9ves4", "comment_id": "et3nauh"}, {"question": "Letter to my doctor from DEA", "description": "Female 29, surgery recently\nPrescriptions: levothyroxine 112 mcg, adderall 30 mg\n\nI had ankle surgery 6 weeks ago. I received pain medicine from my surgeon. I ended up in the ER two days after surgery, due to pain and circulation issues. The ER doc refilled my medication-this was a holiday weekend. I stopped this medication after two days and I was taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I started to get shingles (pcp presumes from stress due to surgery) and I made an appointment with my pcp where I got an antiviral as well as a much lower dose pain medication. I informed him that I was no longer taking the medication from surgery that was 7 days prior.\n\nMy pcp has prescribed my adderall for over a year. He works at a practice overseeing physician assistants. Apparently one of my refills for adderall in the last three months was called in my a PA due to my doctor being on vacation. \n\nI did not realize that I would be under investigation?? Am I in trouble? What happens now? My pcp was laughing when he told me about it and he refilled my adderall the same appointment. He said he doesn\u2019t have to respond to the letter, but now I\u2019m worried I will actually be in trouble. \n\nPlease help!", "answer": "The legal intricacies of doctor shopping, prescribing, and controlled substances are all irrelevant here because they don\u2019t apply.\n\nYour care has been in one practice. At one time someone else was covering and wrote a prescription. That is all legitimate and above-board. The DEA is unlikely to investigate, if they do it will be the doctor, and it sounds like an open-and-shout normal situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "idb4u7", "comment_id": "g287f15"}, {"question": "AA friendships", "description": "There was a post on here earlier looking for sober friends that got deleted. I wondered for a while why people stopped talking to people who left the room or why they were so distant the first couple months I was in the room. The longer I stick around the fellowship the more I realize that this is in fact a life or death situation, and a lot of people come in and out of the rooms so often that it can be scary to get attached to someone and then find out they're back out or have died of this disease. \n\nIn my experience, it took me some time to really form meaningful friendships in AA. They were my friends from the very beginning, but to me having a friend and having friendships is vastly different. They wanted to make sure that I was not only serious about my sobriety, but that I also respected the fellowship that saved their lives. AA is absolutely not a social club, it is a program of recovery where alcoholics help each other get better. One of the gifts of sobriety, however, is that I get some really amazing friends who understand where I'm at before I do most of the time.", "answer": "Thanks for sharing. I've been active in AA for 2 years after getting sober in another fellowship, and working through the traditions checklist with my sponsor I've realized that I still often don't feel like part of the crowd, even though I identify, gave a home group, and regularly visit with people before and after the meeting. I see others who *seem* to click with the crowd quickly, especially the YPAA crowd, and it can make me feel like I'm back in high school, except I can't find the other nerds this time around... And then I can start to feel isolated and resentful. But you're right, it's not a social club, and the most important thing is if I'm hearing the message. Sometimes it just takes time to find and develop friendships.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "57zxkj", "comment_id": "d8wlpu8"}, {"question": "I (F,19) have been in an incredibly confusing \"relationship\" with this guy (m,33) for 6 months.", "description": "This is an incredibly long story but I have no one else in the world to tell it to, and I need someone who knows both sides (for the most part) of this horrible story. I'm genuinely going to try to remember every detail and I appreciate anyone who reads through it. If you're sensitive to drug use please don't read this :(\n\n\n\nI'm 19. The man this story is about is 33 and we'll call him Nick just so it's easier to understand. We met last December at a gas station we both worked at. At the time, we were both in relationships and I thought nothing of him, really. We were pretty good friends and I thought he was cool, but that's as far as it went. Well, fast forward to this March/April; both of us split from our partners. He'd been seeing her for 4 years on and off and I'd been in a committed relationship with mine for 2 and a half years. So, middle of April, we started talking a bit more. I thought he was super funny, and just an all around cool person to be around. We started hanging out a little bit, I had a bonfire and some beers at his house with him and a few friends and it was cool, I was making new friends and having a good time. Then, one night, he asked me if I wanted to come over after work (we worked the same shift) for some beers, just the two of us. So I was like, sure, why not. So, we bought some alcohol and I met him at his house and we drank. And talked. For hours. This is important cause right here is kinda the turning point for everything, I think. That night me and him talked for SO long about EVERYTHING in our lives. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's hard for me to connect with people and I felt such a serious genuine connection with him in the short time that I'd been hanging out with him and it just hit me. I had feelings for him. Well, that night, we ended up getting kinda way drunk, we had sex, and I stayed the night at his house. That was the first of many.\n\n\n\nAfter this night we got super close. We talked all the time, and I guess I took it in the wrong way. At work we would eat lunch together, we'd hang out at his house all the time, and we did drugs together all the time. Yeah. I can't remember when that started, but he asked me if I wanted to do some pills with him while we were hanging out once, so, well, I did. And I never went back from it. We started doing drugs together just about every single day. We'd get high before work, during work, after work. But since we were doing that we ended up spending a lot of time together. \n\n\n\nAround May, I sort of told him I had feelings for him and he sort of told me too. That's what's so confusing about all of this. He ACTS like he likes me. We had a good time together even when were just hanging around drinking or getting high. I spent the night with him a lot. He always invited me to his parties and what not. Pretty much all through May-June and the beginning of July this is what we did. We were together ALL THE TIME. I used to visit him on his lunch breaks, I was at his house everyday, he used to call me in the mornings or before bed, we were just always together. He was the person I went to when something awesome or bad happened. The person I always told everything to at the end of the day. The person I trusted and quite literally the person I loved. Once and a while I would kinda try to bring it up to him that I had feelings for him. He usually just would respond with something like \"yeah I have feelings for you but I just don't want a relationship. Let's just keep doing what we're doing.\" It was weird. He'd tell me he loved me every time I left his house and always gave me a kiss. It FELT like we were together.. but.. we weren't. \n\n\n\nWell, sometime in the middle of July (or the end, I can't remember) I had sex with someone else. At this point he was just kinda ignoring me, not really giving me any attention and not acting like we were ever going to be together. I was upset and sick of it and the only thought I had was, well, if I have sex with someone else and he cares.. I guess he cares. So I did, I told him a few days later, and he didn't really say much about it. So I figured that was kinda it, nothing would ever happen between us. Fast forward a few days after I told Nick about the guy I get a call from him. I was on my way to see the dude I hooked up with and he FLIPPED out. Like I'd never really seen him care about anything before, but was crying and everything. He was crying on the phone, he said \"I don't understand how you could go f*ck someone else if you say you love me,\" and stuff like that. And I was BAWLING. I apologized, told him I loved him, and went to his house instead. He told me it hurt him cause he did have feelings for me, and I just tried to explain that I DID, I just didn't feel like he did and was trying to not waste my time/move on. (You have to understand at this point he would ignore me for days and only hit me up if I had drugs. There's tons of little things that happened those past few months that he did to me that were just.. bad. I just don't have time to type it all out and no one wants to read all that. But it was just kinda my breaking point.) So, we just kinda made an agreement that we wouldn't see other people. I swear to you, I said \"just tell me that we're kind of together, and I wont even TALK to anyone else.\" And he said, \"yeah, I guess we kinda are.\" He kissed me and I went home and that was that.\n\n\nAfter that happened, I ended up writing a letter to him telling him how in love with him I was. He just told me he loved me too and the way I felt about him made him feel really good. At this point I GENUINELY believed he had feelings for me.\n\n\n\nSo August-September were pretty okay honestly. We kept in touch a lot and we stopped doing drugs as hardcore as we used to. We hung out sober sometimes and I still saw him a lot. He ignored me sometimes but I just kinda came to terms with it and accepted that I'd just have to let him treat me badly until he was ready. Strange, I know, but I thought someday it would get better, honestly. He was a pretty nice dude most of the time. Sometimes he got mad at me and sometimes he talked shit about me but I just... didn't care.\n\n\n\nOkay, almost done. The most recent thing that happened. I went on a trip about 3 hours from where I live for 5 days at the end of September. We kept in touch, he told me to let him know when I got there, call me when I could, relationship type stuff. We talked every day then I left early so I could see him. I went and picked us up some drugs then went to his house. Everything was pretty much normal. Well, I went up to our old work and saw some old friends and told them I was still kinda seeing Nick and what not and my friend goes \"you know he f*cked two girls while you were downstate, right?\" Well. No. I didn't. So I freaked out, I cried and I've been feeling HORRIBLE ever since that happened. Today is the first day I've talked to Nick since I found out, and I brought it up to him.\n\n\n\nI told him it hurt my feelings and that I loved him and that I just wanted to know what was going on. He said, \"I shouldn't have told anyone, it would've been better if you never found out. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation.\" Like no sh*t he did NOT care that I was crying and hurt. All I said was, \"I just want to know if you love me.\" And he said \"Yeah, I do love you. It was just a mistake.\" He told me he loved me, kissed me and I left. Now, I'm sitting here with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is going on or how to feel.\n\n\n\nThings I want to clear up; first off, I know it's horrible that he only hung around me when we were getting high. I know that's terrible but I really thought underneath it all he cared a little bit. He's been an on/off addict for 7 years so I don't know. I just figured that's how he was, I guess. Second, he really did tell me that he had feeling for me on multiple occasions and he really truly did act like he loved me or at least cared for me. He told me he loved me all the time, like, ALL the time. Third, I'm fully aware that he's probably using me and he doesn't care all that much. Fourth, I genuinely do feel like I am in love with him and I have tried to move on but I can't seem to. Please just don't call me an idiot or anything, I know I am, it's just hard for me to feel real feelings for people and I felt it with him.\n\n\n\nPart of me wants to wait. I want to wait for us to get clean and get help and change ourselves and finally end up together. I think we could be good together and we could help each other. But... maybe not. Part of me thinks that'll never happen and we'll be stuck in this endless cycle of him ignoring me then popping back up and telling me he loves me. Part of me wants to get clean and drop him completely and change my whole life around. \n\n\n\nSo I guess what I'm asking here is a few things. Does/did he ever really have feelings for me? Should I stick around and wait for things to get better? Should I just stop talking to him completely and move on? What is even going on?\n\n\n\n\nTL;DR been in a weird \"relationship\" with a drug addict for a few months and I'm in love and lost.", "answer": "being in love with a drug addict is a recipe for disaster i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77a5fn", "comment_id": "dok7yr8"}, {"question": "constantly tapping caps-lock button", "description": "hi, I have tourettes, ASD, and OCD, and I think this is a manifestation of all three. since i was very young every time i used the computer i tapped the caps lock button on and off every time im not doing something else with the keyboard. my actual hand posture changes in an uncomfortable way to allow me to keep hitting the caps-lock button. i need to see the light on the keyboard turn on, and when it's on, i feel the urge to turn it back off again. ad infinitum.\n\ni kept track of my keyboard presses for several months, and while i dont have the records anymore to show, i found that about 30% of my key presses were just the caps lock button (i hit it over 200,000 times!!!!) and i am even pressing it at least 10 times between every sentence in this post.\n\ndoes anyone else have compulsive button-pressing? how do you deal with it??? it's so unpleasant and for years it has brought me genuine despair because i feel like a slave to the god damn caps lock button. i have many other major compulsions that I am working on but i am at a loss as to what to do with this seemingly minor one.", "answer": "The key to any compulsion is to not engage in it and allow yourself to sit through the obsession. If you are unable to do that, start with easier compulsions first. \n\nIs there a specific thought you're having when the light is on or off? What is the obsession? Is it simply a desire to see the light turn on and off, or is there some fear associated with it (e.g. worrying you'll type an email in all caps if you don't double, triple, quadruple check the button?)\n\nI always suggest seeing an OCD specialist and/or psychiatrist. Meds can help if you don't have the resources to work with a therapist. Mindfulness and ERP are the solution aside from meds. Maybe find a workbook online?\n\nEvery time you indulge the compulsion to press the button, you reinforce the cycle.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "49qefl", "comment_id": "d0u03za"}, {"question": "My introvert GF (26years) is driving me crazy (25 years).", "description": "Hey guys,\nMy GF of a year is too shy and embarrassed to share things with me, he hardly speaks and rather prefers me to speak. Also, she is not a social person and prefers reading quietly most of the time. I am the exact opposite and it pisses me off when I have to go talking like a radio.\nI tried to ask her what in her mind and what bothering her, but she says she can figure it out too. There is too much negativity when I talk to her.\nPlease advice.\nCheers.", "answer": "You can break up with her if you want. \n\nIf you don't want, you're gonna have to find some way of connecting with her that satisfies you that she's willing to participate in. Can you describe that to her in non-complaining, positive terms?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ir23m", "comment_id": "dj8ff0b"}, {"question": "(19/Male) how should a shy/socially awkward guy start dating?", "description": "Maybe this isn't the proper place to ask this, but I couldn't really find anywhere else (subreddit wise) to ask and also because I don't mind embarrassing myself in front of Internet people I thought I'd give it a shot here. \n\nSo I haven't ever dated. Period. My shyness or social awkwardness or whatever you want to call it has really been a big problem when meeting new people, especially women. I know it's pretty pathetic for an adult to still be having \"girl troubles\" but whatever. Obviously I want to be in a relationship just like everybody else, but I have absolutely no idea where I should start or how to keep things moving along. So for any of you shy dudes out there who ended up meeting a significant other, is there any advice you can give me or do I just have to figure this stuff out for myself? ", "answer": "maybe see a therapist in case you have anxiety that could be treated. otherwise, just be patient and go slowly. sometimes joining social activities gives you the chance to hone your talking skills with girls. that will lead to greater confidence.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4bbd", "comment_id": "dc0r8eh"}, {"question": "Telling someone about my problems", "description": "I've been thinking about telling someone about my social problems as to have someone to talk to about it. I've got the internet, but I want someone close to me, and my mother but I wan't someone who's not my mother. I love my mom but even at 24 I'm still her little boy and I want someone who doesn't see me as that.\n\nI'm just wondering what everyone thinks about doing something like this. My biggest worry is that this person would hang out with me out of pity wich I don't want. But I want someone to talk to, someone who can encourage me and just be the guy/gal to give me a boost when needed. I'm sure people have noticed, but I hope you know what I mean.", "answer": "Yeah, you should do this :) Be careful, since not everyone will be open to listening to you share what's really going on, and it can be discouraging to open up about your problems and then have them not care. So make sure you find a compassionate person first. But when you do, be honest about what's going on with you. Everyone deserves a good friend :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "sv5bw", "comment_id": "c4hal2v"}, {"question": "Can I even consider having covid-19?", "description": "Female 21 years old. About 5 days ago I experienced nausea and vomiting. About 2 days later I started having a fever - about 38 Celsius, my mom started giving me 1 g of paracetamol a day, but my temperature still stays up on about 37 - 37,5. I have a headache. Since yesterday I've been experiencing diarrhea, it's pretty bad. My mum works at a medical center, but she doesn't have a direct contact with patients, shes okay, she has no symptoms right now, but she has had the same symptoms about 2 weeks ago. We are self quarantined, I haven't been outside for last 3 weeks. Could it be a coronavirus? In my country there is no way of checking it unless you are pretty much dying.\nI have a few conditions; hashimoto, pcos and insulin resistance. \nPlease help.", "answer": "You could have COVID-19, but without any cough it's less likely. You could also have any ordinary GI bug. A temperature of 37.5 C is not a fever, though. You would need to hit at least 38.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frssoi", "comment_id": "flxh7xs"}, {"question": "Does anyone get anxious because of time being limited", "description": "It's been like this for the past few weeks, i keep getting anxious everytime i do something that kills alot of time (e.g studying, playing games, exercise, especially sleeping).\n\nToday i also experienced the same thing, basically i had already planned to take a nap until 8 pm, however i overslept until 10 pm and due to that my plans of wanting to continue drawing, and finishing homework couldn't be done. Add the fact that i had to learn a subject for the test tomorrow, and you get a mixed soup of emotions that i couldn't comprehend\n\nIt just feels like time is very limited so i would want to use it to the fullest. But because of this mindset i keep feeling like sh*t everytime the plans i have for the day is unable to be done. It really feels terrible, and most of the advice i keep getting is to let go and not make it such a big deal.\n\nI just want to know how to handle this, or maybe if anyone has the same experiences? So far the only solution i had was just to cut my sleeping hours from 8 to 6 hours, but idk if thats ok since im still a 17 yr old teen.\n\nAny advice helps..\n\nTL;DR i get anxious if my plans for the day can't be done, especially if its because of an activity that kills alot of time...", "answer": "This is extremely common and for productive people (or folks who'd like to be more productive) it's common to spend a long time searching for the perfect balance of what works for you. \n\n\nThe biggest answer I can give that isn't really an answer is that there's no one size fits all schedule/regimen that works for everyone. \n\nGenerally, for someone 17 years old, it's recommended that you get 8-10 hours of sleep per night. Reasons for this is that your body/brain are still developing in ways where not getting enough sleep is going to have a much bigger impact on your now and long term than they would if you were in your late 20's and up. \n\nAs you get older, you'll get a general feel for how much sleep you actually need to be functioning at your best. Undersleeping AND oversleeping is going to sap your productivity in different ways, so figuring out exactly what you need is important. \n\n\nIt sounds like you're pretty anxious about it. If you're anything like me, I front load my goals too much. What I mean is, I keep a planner for the week. I think of all of the things that I need to get done, and I put an overwhelming amount of them in the beginning of the week. Way more than I actually have time for. In fact, I'm looking at my planner now and I pretty much did exactly that. When I don't accomplish all the goals, I beat myself up, feel bad about it, and then the feeling bad about it saps my energy/motivation to be productive the rest of the week. \n\n\nThinking of all of the things you need to get done, prioritizing them (what needs to get done ASAP and what can wait but should be scheduled) and then spacing it out over the course of a week or month can be very helpful. That way, you get things checked off your list and feel good about what you did accomplish while also recognizing you're not going to forget the things you didn't because they're written down for later in the week/month.\n\n\nSo in a nutshell, my big advice is to be realistic with your goals. Think of working towards/accomplishing your goals as more of a marathon than a series of 100m dashes.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "erxe88", "comment_id": "ff6po4d"}, {"question": "Women who talk about how lonely they are and then reject \u2018nice guys\u2019 make me sick", "description": "Stop talking about how lonely you are when you won\u2019t even bother to talk to someone like me and have a normal conversation. If you\u2019re not going to talk to just anyone, you\u2019re not that LONELY then, ARE YOU? Fucking whiny attention seeker.\n\nThis website has made me despise people, mainly females. Fuck everyone. ", "answer": "Maybe you\u2019re not as nice as you think you are.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak8ueg", "comment_id": "ef2myhg"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do about my ADHD. I have struggled with it my whole life. I want to be an adult now.", "description": " \n**How I was diagnosed**\n\n I always remember being ADHD since i was a little kid. I never really finished class work, I lost things and I was the one with the extremely messy desk. \nMy parents thought i would outgrow it. Around 16, I became very depressed to the point where I missed a month of school. I didn't have many friends and I was a terrible student. They took me to a psychiatrist. She said that i definitely have ADHD, referred me to get tested and prescribed me Wellbutrin and Focalin. \n\nAfter getting tested, they confirmed that i indeed to have ADHD, the inattentive kind and that I had a gifted IQ. \n\nThe Focalin worked for a month, then wasn't as effective and she put me on Adderall. I started out at the 10 mg IR pills and soon moved up to 20 XR and 10 IR in the evening. \n\nMy parents saw a major improvement in my schoolwork. I was paying attention better in class, I was focused. I went from being a C student to A student. The only thing that changed was my focus, but Adderall woke me up in the morning gave me a sense of confidence. I was prescribed it for all of college. \n\n**My College Years** \n\nAround when I was 19, it stopped working. I would hyperfocus, my nights that I was supposed to spend doing homework and sleeping were often spend on google deceptive because I wanted to research shipwrecks or some weird shit that came in my mind. My psychiatrist prescribed me Daytrana patches, and it was the same as Adderall. I didn't like how long they took to kick in. \n\nI soon had to switch psychiatrists because of insurance issues. I had a lovely NP, she was awesome. \nShe was able to treat my depression with Prozac, 30 mg and prescribed me on 30 XR and 10 IR. I was still staying up very late and not sleeping. Adderall XR would make me daze and when I didn't take it, it made me very irritable and angry. But I was too focused on trying to fix being good at school and being organized. I researched so many organization methods, and how to get things done. I grew frustrated, why couldn't I be productive and get shit done? Why do I have no idea how to estimate time and time block? Why do I plan on preparing for interviews but end up spending the whole time doing something else that I enjoy instead? \nI tried apps on apps, never followed through with them. Downloaded many books and never finished them. Nothing was working. I just wanted to be able to finish things and be productive. **I barely have in my life!!**\n\nMy hyperfocus and love for finance earned me an internship (I struggled with interviews though, mostly because of the prep) at a small Investment Bank last summer. I was not a good employee lol but I was also great at my job at the same time, that is one thing I love about Investment Banking. Every day felt like a new job, and I loved it. However, I was often late, very late, disorganized, I would get distracted on the computer or too hyper-focused and forget about other things. Lots of projects were unfinished. I received an offer, but wanted to go to a better job. \n\nSenior year started. I was over school and was too distracted. I took a finance class that I loved and took classes that interested me. I definitely had senioritis. I tried to get a job, but because of lack of preparation and getting distracted, I could not get one. I grew pretty depressed. I stopped going to class and would cram for tests. It took me almost 6 years of my life (5 years of school because I took a year off) to graduate. Fucking 6 years.. I had a 3.0, had to switch my major multiple times because I had trouble passing some of the required classes. Its not that I didn't understand it, I just \n\nI told my psychiatrist that I was feeling awful on Adderall XR and she switched me to taking 30 mg IR in the morning and 10mg at night. I finally was able to fall asleep before 2, and I had less of a comedown. I had to stop seeing her because she was through my University. \n\n\n**The past year and now** \n\nI graduated University last december with a 3.0. I had a few interviews, one wanted me to do a case and I never finished it. I tried everyday and it never got done. \n\nPast 9 months, I have done nothing with my life. I just sit around the house. I started to see a new psychiatrist and my depression has improved and motivation, but other than that I feel like I am back to where I was before. Disorganized, foggy, countless to do lists, never able to finish anything and trouble with following through.\nI was also diagnosed with Aspergers. \n\nLast week I went to my psychiatrist. I told her my depression was a lot better and I finally want to do things and get my life together, but the Adderall is not helping what so ever. I told her that I want to look at other medications, but I don't know what is best for me. \n She is a resident and told me that she needed to ask around, prescribed me 60 IR mg a day. I take 45 in the morning and 15 in the afternoon. \n\nLast Friday I spent all day organizing my room and I actually finished MOST of it. I have never done that. I was pretty confident about that, however this whole week I have been getting hyper focused ALL day. Like yesterday I made a to do list for myself and a schedule and I ended up spending all day on the computer at my desk, *rarely taking breaks* researching organization methods. Yesterday I spent all day deciding on a halloween costume. Like... ugh \n\n\n\n**Here is what pisses me off about adderall:**\n\n* Addictive AF : I freak out if I don't have it. The thought of switching meds and not having it and being stuck with new meds that don't work with nothing else. It makes me sleepy and moody if I don't take it, I also get nothing done. In the past I would run out and I would desperately ask my other ADD friends if I could have some of theirs, makes me sound like a druggy. \n\n* I think it may have effected my cognitive abilities. My memory is poor, I can't hear and see as well. Completing tasks is getting harder and harder \n\n* My body has aged. I am 24, have wrinkles under my eyes, dehydrated skin (I am a skincare junkie) sometimes I have woken up at 8 wired despite little sleep. XR use to give me acne. \n\n* It makes me dizzy and disoriented, especially at night. I don't work out anymore because its effected my body so much. I eat more now, but I am just pure skin and bones with some cushioning. \n\n* Sometimes I need to take caffeine with it, and sometimes it gives me panic attacks where I can't breathe and my heart pulsates, but they go away. \n\n* Makes my hyperfocus even worse sometimes \n\n* I am socially bland when I take it at times. \n\n* I get angered when people interupt me when I am doing stuff, like my BF called me during one of my hyper focus sessions a few days ago and I zoned out when he was telling me about his day. \n\n* Some days I am lightheaded on it \n\n* it makes me sweat like a mofo. It is 44 F degrees here and I started to sweat in my house when I blow dryed my hair. I had to turn on the air conditioning and my parents were like \"WTF\" \n\n\n\n**Why I am writing this**\nWell anyway, sorry for the long, disorganized story. I am at the point where I am just overwhelmed and frustrated and I don't know what to do. I have googled and researched how, I see a therapist but I don't think she knows much about ADHD and I still really struggle. I want to find an ADHD coach, but they are expensive, I can't afford it because I don't have a job, and my insurance (Medicaid) doesn't cover them. I don't know what tools work for me or what my learning type is because I never knew how to. My dang mother had to help me write my graduate school essay and I am 24!!!!!! \n\nWhat prompted me to write this was I was researching ADHD meds for people with ADHD-PI. Adderall has fucked up my body and I heard it ages you so quickly. I can't even work out when I am on it and I don't work out anymore. Thank god I am off the XR. I don't see myself ever going on that stuff again. \n\nAt this point, I am overwhelmed and I need help. I am typing this in hyperfocus, lol writing about my problems with hyperfocus while hyperfocused. \n\n My thoughts are too complex at times. Any resoures, guidance, encouragement, criticism... etc would help. \n\n\n\n**TL;DR**\n\nI wrote a summary of my journyI am finally wanting to do something about my ADHD - PI and be proactive, and I am overwhelmed and feel like I will never improve and I will live my life not being an adult, failing at my job, never finishing anything and not being responsible. I also don't want adderall to effect my body. \nAfter being severly depressed for a year and recovering from it, I feel like I am back to dealing with the issues I had before x 10. I meet with my psychiatrist again in a few weeks and I want to have a plan for medication etc. \n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Addiction psychiatrist here. You should probably show this post to your psychiatrist! ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9rxpnl", "comment_id": "e8klqa5"}, {"question": "Can Proton Pump Inhibitors be found in a blood test?", "description": "Age: 22\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 180\n\nWeight: 75\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\n\nCurrent medications: proton pump inhibitors / antacids\n\n\nCan you test for them, prove that a person has taken them?", "answer": "I cannot think of any circumstance in which anyone would care to test.\n\nThis sounds like you're worried about getting caught not taking them. Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fntyzz", "comment_id": "flbnvzd"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "The DSM changed its criteria between IV-TR and 5, so I'm not so familiar, but my understanding of Criterion A4 (repeated exposure to aversive details of traumatic events) indicates that the traumatic events have to be violence with threat of death or sexual violence, and they have to be repeated traumas. The examples given are first responders collecting human remains and police officers exposed to details of child abuse. I'm not sure what context you worked in, but unless you heard repeatedly the intimate details of the abuse I would say that's probably not traumatic stress.\n\nThis is not to minimize your symptomology or suffering. You sound like a very empathic person who is highly emotionally reactive. \n\nDon't forget, too, that you can't \"double dip\" with symptoms. If you have generalized anxiety disorder and major depression, those can account for many of the symptoms that you listed. Does it still sound like PTSD if you take out anything that can be attributed to your other conditions?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "cih1888"}, {"question": "5 minutes ago I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. It clicked and wouldn\u2019t fire. Talk to me please", "description": "I\u2019m still kind of in shock that actually happened. Anyone want to talk?", "answer": "Hi. I\u2019m here. I\u2019m glad you exist. I really can\u2019t tell you how relieved I am the gun didn\u2019t fire. Hello. It\u2019s nice to meet you! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ahfttt", "comment_id": "eee5o46"}, {"question": "I want it to stop", "description": "I want to stop feeling like shit everyday. I want to stop wanting to kill myself every time I'm alone. I want to sleep for more than two hours every goddamn night. I just want to feel mentally good for the first time since I was 12. Fuck.", "answer": "What are you doing to help make it stop? Are you in therapy? Are you developing healthy relationships? Are you doing self care? Are you reflecting on your daily struggles and successes to keep growing as a person and learning how to be a stable human being?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bxfga9", "comment_id": "eq6wxmz"}, {"question": "Is watching porn okay?", "description": "So I've been living with my girlfriend for 6 months now and all is going so so well. She works about an hour away on the train, and I work locally but I do sleep-ins, 3 days on 4 days off.\nWe still have a healthy sex life since moving in, which I'm very happy and relieved about.\nBut on my days off or if I'm bored whatever, it's nice to beat the meat/choke the chicken or whatever. The other day I have her my phone to google a recipe and the search bar popped up with pornhub and she confronted me about it, quite annoyed about the fact I had been watching porn. \nI'm kinda confused because I've always thought she knew, but didn't approach it almost like a taboo.\nIs it okay to watch porn in a relationship?", "answer": "both people have to be on the same page. not a matter of ok or not ok. it's one of the many things couples have to reach consensus on.it can be big in some relationships, like god/no god, or kids/no kids.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q7w9f", "comment_id": "dcx7t5v"}, {"question": "SNRI and recreational drugs", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 27 y/o male who's been dealing with depression and anxiety for 14 years now. 3 months ago I finally found the courage to visit a psychiatrist and I started taking 75 mg Argofan(venlafaxinum). I suppose I got lucky because it seems like it was a hit on the first try as I'm feeling so much better now. \n\nMy question is related to cocaine, I've tried it like three times before I started taking antidepressants and I was very cautious about mixing the ADs with anything else because I've read about serotonine syndrome. That said I wonder what would the safe approach be, If I wanted to take cocaine again (not talking about continuous drug abuse, it would be like once a year kind of thing). Would skipping two doses of the AD be enough to prevent excess of serotonine?\n\n My understanding is that venlafaxinum is pretty much completely out of the body 24 hours after taking it but I'm concerned about some long lasting effects it has on the central nervous system. The answer to my question is not particularly easy to google and I figured I would try to ask here for some insight before consulting my psychiatrist.", "answer": "This is a good question. Most of the literature examines SSRI interaction rather than SNRI interactions. It seems like an unsafe choice .\n\nStopping your SNRI for 2 days will not help and you may getting really bad side effects . \nMy concern is that if you got really sick , it may be hard to know right away if you are experiencing withdrawal or interaction, as there are some overlaps .\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/10743914/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4444546/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3377381/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fee95r", "comment_id": "fjvvkop"}, {"question": "Can human skin absorb enough water to stay safely hydrated?", "description": "This is about someone else: M 38 5'11\" 170ish. He says he's on a 48 hour \"dry fast.\" That means that not only does he not consume food, but he doesn't drink fluids as well. He also cannot bathe or shower or brush his teeth or come in any contact with water because it can be absorbed through the skin and defeat the purpose of the dry fast.\n\nMy question is less about the validity of this diet or my acquaintance's health (seems like a bad idea) and more about how much can our skin really absorb. Could a person stop consuming fluids and \"drink\" solely through their skin?\n", "answer": "Skin exists to be a barrier and absorbs very little. As a sort of test of concept, consider sitting in a sauna or, at an even greater extreme, a bathtub. Nobody ever gets water intoxication from absorbing too much, but people do become dehydrated because the heat of water triggers sweating. Fluid passes only one way through skin, and that way is out.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "96qxzu", "comment_id": "e42jrhx"}, {"question": "Grandma refuses to drink water. At our wits end.", "description": "**Age:** 85\n\n**Sex:** Female\n\n**Height:** 4'9\"\n\n**Weight:** 100 lbs\n\n**Race:** Asian\n\n**Duration:** 1 month \n\n**Location:** Lungs\n\n**Medical Issues:** Low blood sugar, has a colostomy bag, has a catheter, fractured spine, cannot walk, cannot swallow liquids, is currently only eating pureed foods\n\n**Medications:** N/A\n\n**Background:** My grandmother was recently discharged from the hospital (she was admitted to the hospital for a number of life threatening issues that have since been resolved). \n\n**Current Issues:** She is now at a nursing home and because she failed her swallow tests with the speech therapist at the hospital, the doctors told us that she is not able to drink water because she may aspirate and develop pneumonia. She has been given pureed foods and thickened water but she **absolutely** refuses to drink thickened water even though we told her it is necessary for her well-being and survival. For the past few days, I've been forcing half spoons of thickened water into her mouth but now she is starting to resist.\n\n**Question:** Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I can help keep her hydrated? Is it possible to hook her up to an IV at the nursing home (in the hospital, she tore out her IV by herself so I'm not even sure if that's useful). \n\nI hate seeing her like this. When she was admitted to the hospital, the doctors told us that they didnt think she'd survive but she beat the odds. I don't want her to develop complications from dehydration.", "answer": "This is when it's important to have a conversation with your grandmother and the whole family about what the goals are here. If she's miserable eating water, is that a life worth prolonging? Would it be preferable to run the risk of aspiration and serious illness or death? Would she want a feeding tube instead (I can't say that it's an option in her case, but it sometimes is). IV hydration? The current situation is not making her happy, and she should have a say in her care if she's able.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwis9", "comment_id": "e0elost"}, {"question": "Pain at the middle-bottom of my sternum, where diaphragm is. What is it?", "description": "Earlier this morning I started to sweat and I became very hot. I thought it was from hunger so I grabbed a sleeve of saltines and ate about half of the sleeve. A few moments after the bottom of my sternum started to hurt right where the diaphragm is. It hurts if I flex down towards that area. I think it may be muscular but I'm also concerned it may be gall stones due to my sweating earlier. What could it be?\n\nEDIT: I am 105 pounds, low cholesterol, 14 years old, male", "answer": "No idea. But youre 14, so it's probably nothing sinister, and id be surprised if youd already developed gallstones (assuming OK weight for your height and diet!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lptce", "comment_id": "dbxy15w"}, {"question": "When girls say they find confidence attractive, what do they actually mean by confidence?", "description": "What would be some examples of confidence they would find attractive?", "answer": "Confidence is essentially having the bravery to put yourself out there, be vulnerable, and courageous. \n\n\nWhat I mean by this is someone who doesn't let the fear of failure keep them from trying. This has to do with relationships both platonic and romantic, career, competition. \n\n\nThe people who try and fail, brush themselves off without ruminating over failures and get back in the ring are not the losers. The losers are the ones who never put themselves out their and let their fears control them. \n\n\nEveryone no matter how confident they appear has anxiety and a fear of failure. The confident folks are the ones who do what they want to do despite the anxiety. The less confident folks let their anxiety dictate their actions. \n\n\nThis Teddy Roosevelt quote sums it up nicely:\n\n\"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.\u201d", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b5nsp7", "comment_id": "ejfbgff"}, {"question": "Random \"manic\" like internal monologue.", "description": "I've wondered and googled this a lot but never seem to find the right answer. I often experience my inner monologue leading it's own life. nothing new right? Random thoughts and subjects , sound like adhd to me. \n\nBut when i'm off to mental limbo i sometimes catch my internal monologue mumbling like a crazy cat lady. For example when i just walked up the stairs i thought \"feeding my lantern was never easy, but when he gets admitted taking the bus will be a walk in the park.\" ehhhm.. what? \n\nthese thoughts go on continuously without ending a sentence, they're like a soft radio noise in the back of my head while my body is in auto pilot until i catch myself doing this. these random stories are much less ongoing when i take concerta. \n\nsometimes at the end of the day, after a night of barely sleeping it feels like my body goes on auto pilot and mind will join. and my conscious self is somewhere in the back of my head, coming back only to occasionally stir the wheel so i won't completely stop driving. \n\nhow many of you experience this? this thought mania of random words and sentences. are you feeding your lantern or is taking the buss already a walk in the park? ", "answer": "I think you may need a mental health eval. It's not out of the realm of ADHD, but it's definitely not normal either. Call your psychiatrist. Those 'radio noises' are something you should be looking into.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4kfk8p", "comment_id": "d3ex80e"}, {"question": "21M, neurologist diagnosed pseudodementia which is often confused with true neurological dementia", "description": "21M 5'8\" 150lb Caucasian, Symptoms= memory loss & cognitive difficulties, heat intolerance, erectile dysfunction.\n\nSo 5 years ago I entered the hospital for the first time with complaints of memory loss and cognitive complaints, and since it has definetely become debilitating I am no longer able to work or study in college,I am gradually withdrawing from all aspects of my life in the past months I spend all my time indoors at my parents house.\n\nI went to one of the most qualified neurologists at the hospital and explained my symptoms, the neurologist went into very in depth explanation about Apathy and dementia. She explained that people with neurological disorders become apathetic, and lose interest in all activities because they have difficulty figuring out how to do an activity and lose motivation. So she recommended to my mom that I need to start more activities and make a schedule of daily goal oriented activities for my brain, which is what people with real dementia get recommended.\n\nThe problem is... well it's not pseudodementia the neurologist even said that I should be able to improve if I begin antidepressants and goal oriented activities daily, but I have been continuing to get worse very very consistently.\n\nI never get better every month there is a consistent deterioration in my symptoms there has never been an improvement it is completely real dementia and it is what I have known for years now.\n\nI have a real completely real neurological disorder for example= multiple sclerosis(just an example I can't know which disorder I have).\n\nI highly suspect multiple sclerosis because I have many symptoms which are common in MS, heat intolerance, memory problems, irritated vision", "answer": "The odds of having dementia in your twenties, regardless of the type of dementia, are minuscule. MS doesn't have highly classic symptoms because of its variability, but what you describe isn't a classic presentation, and in fact what would be expected is usually symptoms that appear and disappear.\n\nYou don't mention any diagnostic workup or any medications tried. What has been done about this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e60yqd", "comment_id": "f9nb6n2"}, {"question": "Struggling with social skills and stress.Any advice", "description": "I am a single eighteen year old.\nJobless, flatting and studying at university.\nWeekday daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning going to university for couple hours. See friends for a couple of hours, go home watch TV, play Xbox or games on my laptop then fall asleep listening to music. Weekend daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning, watching movies, TV or playing Xbox or games on my laptop until evening where I will drink with friends and go out. \nFeeling very depressed recently and am not happy with my current lifestyle. \nI am boring. I am very self-conscious. No interests or hobbies I can relate to others with. I feel useless and sick of wasting my time. \nI am sick of being single. However I\u2019m so shy it\u2019s hard for me to meet new girls. I only feel comfortable with people after knowing them for a while and that\u2019s no good at a club. The only way I get a bit of confidence is when I drink. I can actually hold a conversation with new people I meet, when normally when I\u2019m sober I will struggle to hold a conversation. But I still won\u2019t have enough confidence to approach a girl. Even when I somehow manage to get with a girl once I\u2019ve sobered up I go back into my shell. I actually think my drinking\u2019s becoming a problem recently since I don\u2019t seem to be able to have fun at a pub or club unless I am drinking. It seems like i need it to have fun.\nI am not a very good people\u2019s person. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough around new people, until then I\u2019m socially awkward. I hate feeling this way and is a reason i don't look forward to working. I don\u2019t want to be forced to be in situations where I feel awkward for ages with co-workers or customers. It is also very hard to get a job for me without knowing people with my lack of job experience.\nI am quite short, only about 5\u201d7 possibly, and quite scrawny. Scared of being in a fight or hit. However I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that bad looking either. I have bad acne on my back and shoulders which I am very self-confident about though. I hate being short, having tiny arms and acne.\nI have wanted to take up boxing, to get over my fear of fighting and hopefully build self-confidence. Combined with exercise at the gym. I am currently too broke to do these and my lack of self-confidence makes me really out of place going to places like these, i won't know what im doing and usually too shy to ask for help. Plus my friends arent into gyms or boxing. I have also wanted to learn guitar and relearn the piano, but without both these instruments I cannot do this. I want something I am able to invest my time in and take my mind off life.\nI don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to friends about how bad I\u2019ve been feeling lately, especially after a mate recently announced to people he\u2019s depressed. I don\u2019t want to put my problems on friends and the few friends I am close enough to tell I don\u2019t see often since I\u2019m an hour away. It just seems to get more stressful for me the longer it goes on.\nI guess I want advice hopefully, possibly from people who have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. \n", "answer": "Thanks for sharing :) A few thoughts for you\n\n1) You should consider seeing a counselor. If you were sick you would go to a doctor, so if you are depressed you should see a therapist. They will help you with your depression and also with your confidence issues.\n2) It sounds like you are putting too much importance on finding a girl. Girls are nice but are not the only nice thing in life, and if you are fixated on meeting a girl then you will feel bad until that happens (which may not be for awhile). Find goals outside of meeting a girl and focus on them.\n3) You need to branch out and start adding new things to your life. Join a club, take a class in something you're interested in, go to a meetup event, visit a church, visit a museum, volunteer somewhere -- basically, do something that is outside of your routine where you will have the chance to learn and grow. Make a goal of doing one thing you've never done before, every week. Money may be an issue in some cases, but there are lots of free or low cost opportunities out there, and many places that charge will offer low-cost or free opportunities to students and people without much money (just ask!)\n4) Start running twenty minutes a day (or doing twenty minutes a day of some other kind of exercise.) If your body is not healthy then your emotions will not be healthy either. You're not trying to turn into Hercules or anything -- you just want to be in ok shape and get your blood flowing.\n5) Consider telling some of your friends about how you're feeling. If they are close friends and they care about you, hopefully they will respond with empathy and kindness. You should especially do this if the depression gets worse and you start considering harming yourself.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1guqxt", "comment_id": "cap95cx"}, {"question": "Writing a book, don't want to misrepresent mental health", "description": "I'm writing a fantasy book in which one of the characters suffers from PTSD. I'd like to make sure I'm treating the subject with the sensitivity it deserves and hopefully not spreading dangerous misinformation about the disorder. I do have a scene written in which a character has a traumatic flashback which is the focus of my request.\n\nWhat I am asking for is ways in which I can improve my handling of the issue, and any mistakes I'm making. I'll DM the google doc link to anyone offering their kind assistance on this matter.", "answer": "As both a reader and a therapist, I definitely recommend having a therapist read through your full draft once you are done! That goes double if you write any scenes that involve therapy at any point, which are often veeeeery painful to read. :)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk8wh5", "comment_id": "fwvuyik"}, {"question": "I can't make meaningful connection with people", "description": "I've never really been a talkative person. When I was little I rarely spoke to people and still wouldn't speak a lot with the few friends I made. If a friend moved or I didn't see them much I would simply cut all contact, even if I started seeing them around more regularly both in and out of class; I would do my best to avoid them. This has continued for as long as I can remember but I have no idea why it started or why I keep doing it (habit maybe?).\n\nI am currently seeing psychologists and psychiatrists at my university to figure out what is wrong with me. At the moment, they don't have a clue. They first thought is was depression and or schizoaffective disorder but through many many sessions and some tests, they found that it was not the case. One doctor was looking into PTSD for violent nightmares and a lack of closeness with any members of my family but there's seemingly nothing there; no abuse, sexual or physical, no odd behaviors from them, and plenty of happy memories as child.\n\nI have plenty of good friends currently but none I can open up to. There's nothing wrong with them; they're not bad people, they don't spout off peoples' secrets to others. I just can't seem to find the ability to have more intimate conversations. This has also led to issues with relationships. I either can't start one or they simply to short (a few months short).\n\nWith me leaving college soon (a year and a couple months) and from what I've heard about how hard it is to meet people as an adult, I'm worried that I've past the point of no return and will not be able to have things like a family and life long friends or being able to live a normal life and I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do?", "answer": "I'm in a similar boat except based on what you wrote I think I put more effort into maintaining friendships. Since I struggle myself I definitely don't have all the answers, but I'll list some things. Having roommates can help, talking to people at work, and getting into a social hobby. If you want a family you could try online dating, although I haven't been a huge fan of that myself.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7s1llk", "comment_id": "dt1gpou"}, {"question": "Haven't smoked weed in 10 years now", "description": "I'm glad this reddit exists, just found it today. Here is my story FWIW\n\nI discovered pot my freshmen year in college. Got high listening to Rush...been a fan ever since. Dont think i would have been a fan without the pot, lol. \n\nSmoked on a regular basis depending on availability between ages 20 and 30. Between 20 and 30 i got married, had a kid, went to lawschool, passed bar and became lawyer. Also had two acute episodes of depression and anxiety and had to go on anti-depressants (each bout was about 6 months on ssri). \n\nDuring this 10 year period, weed was mostly a help, not a hindrance. It helped me cope with lawschool, life demands, long drives, and i took the bar high. It chilled me out which i did need. made me less high strung. As we all know, its a great escape from the drudgery and boredom that is Life. It makes listening to music an euphoric experience and food tastes better. Road trips are so much more fun too. \n\nOf course, no party lasts forever. Shortly after i began working at my first job as an attorney, I came home and did the usual with my husband-smoke some weed. Had a hard day at work and was looking to unwind. But for the very first time....i got a panic attack. I thought i was going to die. Heart racing, arms tingling, all the usual shit. \n\nMy weed intake dropped off but i didn't quit. I wouldn't spaz out everytime and it was unpredictable when i would. I recall locking myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub with my then 4 year old banging on the door. Low moment. \n\nI chalked it up to job stress, then bargained with myself that i would only smoke on weekends. That worked...for a while. Then i started getting panic attacks during my weekend smoke time. \n\nThen, i moved to \"just a single hitter\" on the weekend. That was ok, for awhile. Then it wasn't ok. \n\nThe long and short, is that when i was 33, i had mostly quit. Also quit the evening coffee and went down to one cup. We had the second kid, and my sleep schedule was terrible, my job was terrible and i had been suffering from insomnia and depression. In desperation, i smoked some of my husband's pot in an effort to sleep...and ended up in the parking lot of the emergency room. After that episode, I went on SSRI for a year, and ended up on benzos for 3 years. Haven't smoked since. Funny enough, when i left that job (after 5.5 years), within 2 weeks i fell alseep without the benzos and have been off them every since...6 years now :)\n\nFor me, the pot stopped being a fun time, an escape, a mood enhancer. It kicked me in the face over and over again. I fondly recall when pot was fun, and its like another lifetime ago. Maybe it will be fun again, who knows, but I'm not willing to try it because the mental angst of those panic attacks were awful. ", "answer": "I quit smoking pot because I got thirsty for beer when I smoked it and once I started drinking I went out of control. To stop drinking and stay stopped I had to quit pot. It\u2019s been 39 years since I quit and as far as I can tell I haven\u2019t missed anything.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8w56uq", "comment_id": "e1twe23"}, {"question": "Took a hepatitis B titer test. Results say I am nonreactive. What does this mean?", "description": "I am trying to job shadow at a hospital and one of the things they need is a Hep B titer test. The results came back and it says that I am nonreactive. Can I please get an explanation as to what this means? Will the hospital still let me shadow if I am not immune to Hep B?\n\nAge: 17\n\n Sex: Male\n\nHeight: 5' 5''\n\nWeight: 120 lbs\n\nRace: Asian\n\nNon smoker", "answer": "Nonreactive means negative, but what that means depends on the exact test. If your hepatitis B surface antibody (anti-HBs) is non-reactive then probably they won't want you to shadow until you have immunity. If you had a nonreactive *antigen* result in a full hep B panel then all it means is that you don't have an infection. It's the anti-surface antibody that conveys and proves immunity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "95qik8", "comment_id": "e3up5jm"}, {"question": "What is the best brand of foundation to use?", "description": "I\u2019m looking for something full coverage and that\u2019s good for oily skin. I just want to cover up as much of this shadow/skin imperfections as possible! Does anyone have any recommendations? ", "answer": "L'oreal Pro Matt Foundation. Its $10 and works better than almost anything I've tried. There are a few higher end ones that others have mentioned, but for the best value this one wins, hands down. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI also follow Nikkia Joy on Youtube, she is a make up artist who has incredibly oily skin. She does 15 hour wear tests on foundations, showing how they work on oily skin. She also has some great videos on how to get whatever make up you're wearing to stay longer. I use thin layers of setting spray, finishing powder, primer, foundation, finishing powder, and finishing spray. And it has really helped my make up wear.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9ccs8w", "comment_id": "e5adhqc"}, {"question": "I've lost everything and I have no idea what to do", "description": "In the past 3 weeks my life has complete fallen apart. It started 3 weeks ago(2 days before my birthday) when my wife told me she was unhappy and wants a divorce. I wanted to try and fix things but she said it was impossible. Over the course of our 4 years together she said she's grown to dislike being around me. Finds me annoying and boring. She says she still loves me, but can never be in love with me again. Our lease ends in 6 weeks, so we don't have a lot of time to divide everything up. But, she's definitely taking our dog.\n\nLess than a week later, I was t-boned leaving work. I suffered a concussion(including memory loss) and multiple bruised ribs. It causes me extreme pain even to breathe. Plus, my car was completely totaled. I had to miss multiple days of work. Considering I need to move into a new place by June, is especialy bad.\n\nAnd to finish off my 3 week hell, 2 days ago, my best friend(who I've know for 25 years and was planning on rooming with), decided to text my wife and ask her if she'd want to hook up now that we're divorcing. The fucked up thing is he was one of the only people I had talked to about getting divorced so far. I trusted him and talked to him about everything. After that, I told him to never speak to me again.\n\nI didn't know it was possible to lose so much so quickly. I'm in so much pain, both physical and mental. I have nothing left. I have absolutely no idea what to do anymore. I'm so lost", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through this. Unfortunately, breakups and divorces are painful. I\u2019ll tell you one thing, I\u2019d fight for that dog! If you really love that dog and want to take care of it, put your foot down. As an animal owner and lover, my pet has helped me through a lot of difficult times. \n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "8by432", "comment_id": "dxand07"}, {"question": "Expert trauma therapists only for the wealthy?", "description": "Trauma therapist out of reach at 350 for 45 minutes.\n\nI am so disappointed. It is so very difficult to find an expert complex trauma therapist. I finally found one that I clicked with and she really sounded perfect for me with expertise that has been almost impossible to find. Then the out of network and 450 for the fist hour and 350 for 45 minutes. It is heartbreaking. There is no way with two kids in college I can afford this. I feel hopeless. So many say they have trauma experience but in NY state (upstate) they are non existent.", "answer": "I'm so sorry to hear this. That is really expensive. \nIs online therapy an option for you? It may open up more geographic options.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gw5hzv", "comment_id": "fssypt8"}, {"question": "Seizure?", "description": "I'm pretty sure that I had a seizure while I was in jail last night. My psychiatrist has mentioned temporal lobe epilepsy to me and I'm seeing him next week. I've never had anything like a \"true\" seizure though there have been some pretty weird behaviours. Personally I think it's bipolar though I am coming around to the idea that it might be a subtle seizure disorder instead of a mood disorder.\n\nI'm not looking for an in depth psych opinion... but how to you tell seizure from mania apart?", "answer": "Were you conscious throughout the experience? As the other commenter says, youll need to give us a detailed account of what happened before/during/after. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5nvhb5", "comment_id": "dceyr2r"}, {"question": "Not that I'm up to it yet, but has anyone tried doing Step 9 (making direct amends, ect) with someone who abused them?", "description": "To refresh your memory the step says: \"9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.\"\n\n\nOur relationship was fucked up and I'm stuck thinking that if I EVER did Step 9 with them they would just take my apology/amends and RUN with it and use it as a way to continue pointing the finger and all the blame and guilt at me. I'm sure it'll get easier once I get through more of the steps, but right after the meeting on this step I was like 'how the fuck would I ever do that?!'", "answer": "They're in order for a reason. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. A good sponsor will help you recognize that we often deal with people just as sick as ourselves, but their conduct is not in our control. What is in our control is righting the wrongs that we created in an attempt to run on self will. That is where our release from alcoholism comes, that we swept our side of the street. If our sobriety was dictated by how a person reacts to our amends a lot of people would be drunk right now.\n\nThere's a lot more I could say, but for now work on the step you're on, deal with step nine when you've made your eighth step list.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "26nuy6", "comment_id": "chssjse"}, {"question": "Debating admitting myself to an inpatient mental facility.", "description": "I'm really stressed out. Between not pissing my dad off, having to ignore my mother for 23 and a half hours out of the day, being worried my dad and I are gonna lose the house, finding a job in time to not lose the house, I feel like I have more than I can handle. AND! On top of that, I've been hanging out with my best friend/ex-boyfriend a lot and I still have ungodly strong feelings for him (and he knows).\n\nEvery night I've been crying myself to sleep, without fail. I start thinking things I shouldn't think, like things I've done in the past, or playing situations in my head that either don't exist, or have happened and ended with a bad consequence. Or trying to replay the situation and acting differently.\n\nI am by no means sane. According to my doctors, I'm on the cusp of being a successful member of society or being in an asylum. I'm trying SO HARD to not be a psychopath.\n\nI've been considering admitting myself to an inpatient mental treatment program but I just don't know if it's a good idea. I've been in a program before, and it worked to some degree, but obviously not enough. I don't know if going again would be what I need or if it wouldn't help me at all.", "answer": "Don't worry- you're not a psychopath, you're just dealing with some severe anxiety. Doesn't make you a bad or broken person, just that you need help.\n\nAlso- hospitalization is only to get you stable- to ensure a basic level of functioning and that you're not a danger to yourself. For it to be effective, it needs to be followed up by outpatient therapy.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "tarqt", "comment_id": "c4m7qm5"}, {"question": "Driving me crazy", "description": "Me 29M, her 35,\n\nSingle for quiet a long time, a good few years.. \n\nWas talking to this girl who was married for 9 years, divorced couple of years ago, she's got 2 kids older one is 10. she's had a few relationships after her divorce. She did tell me she's got remnants of her ex which she's trying to move on from.. she also said that there's nothing between them anymore.. but she keeps in touch with her ex's as she says she doesn't like breaking ties as they were good friends once. I started liking her since I saw her first time. We were good friends until I felt the need of telling her how I would want to get along with her as in get married to her. I understand she's been through divorce and dealt with few breakups. But what she did a week before made me think about moving on with her. She spent whole weekend with her ex.. tho she said everythings finished between them. It's just friendship. we didn't promise relationship or marriage to each other yet. But we were talking about it. I don't know how I can deal with this situation. She tells me she likes me once and the next moment she says she don't see any future of us together.. it's more like I can't be with her knowing the fact that she's still involved with her ex and I can't be without her as this is the only thing I ever wanted to happen. Have her in my life. ", "answer": "you have to let go if she's involved with her ex.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmtz7", "comment_id": "dbp44bf"}, {"question": "Need help with getting the most put of therapy?", "description": "So I've been to two therapist in my life. One was male who I opened up to right off the bat. The second one was female. I wasnt quite sure how to open up to her. Idk if it was their gender or their personalities but i felt like i got way more accomplished with the first one. Im not at the same facility anymore and idk what to do. Im not sure what is appropriate to talk about with them and Im not sure whats too big or too small to talk about. And i feel like they are bsing me sometime. I plan to go back to the second one but im.not sure how that would work. There are other options i believe but i dont want to waste anymore time than i have. How can I get the most out of therapy?", "answer": "My general rule is to give a therapist 3 sessions. If after the 3rd, you don't feel like you're getting much out of it, either have the conversation with the therapist or look to move on to a different therapist. \n\n\nSome therapists may be great, but not necessarily a great fit for you and as frustrating as it can be, sometimes you have to shop around until you find one that works for you. \n\n\nGenerally, we're willing to work with you on whatever issues you present. For both your own wellbeing and the relationship you have with your therapists, it's generally better to get to know them before discussing any severe traumatic experiences in detail, but short of that, anything and everything is fair game, so long as you're comfortable talking about it. \n\n\nI would say when self-reflecting, either talking about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else or talking about things that you really want more unbiased/objective feedback on is a good way to use therapy. With the latter though, keep in mind, good therapists aren't going to just give you straight up advice or tell you what to do, but help you figure out the best path for yourself. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91u1q3", "comment_id": "e30uv2z"}, {"question": "Being 34, how do I make friends?", "description": "I have a group of 4 or 5 that I thought were friends, but the more I think about they are just acquaintances, we chat a little bit, but not about anything real, they never ask me to hang out, only do things when I initiate, and even then it's just small talk with no substance for the most part. \n\nI've known half of them for 20+ years, and they will go days between messages even.\n\nI'd go for someone that I can just chat with consistently at this point, but would like a couple friends, and better yet a couples friend too that we can invite over to play risk or whatever. \n\nBut I have no idea how to go about this? ", "answer": "Find a subculture and get involved. Board games, knitting, ceramics, cooking, rock climbing, running, slacklining, painting, singing, dancing.. some activity or hobby that you really dig. The more you dig it the better. Find a group that meets regularly to engage in this activity (at least 1-2x/week) and show up consistently. The more passionate you are about the activity, the more you're naturally and easily gonna get close to the people around you. The \"making friends\" part at that point won't require much effort. \n\nEdit- Posted this before reading the comments, seeing now that pretty much everyone else is saying the same thing. You know what you need to do. Good luck", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7kjqca", "comment_id": "drf4pu7"}, {"question": "Getting tested for ADD next wednesday, one question before that...", "description": "Sorry for possible grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.\n\nI'm currently studying mechatronics on my 6\u00b0 semester of college, and lately I've been getting more and more aware of certain behaviours that have caused me issues the last couple years which I think might be related to an attention disorder. \n\nI have already scheduled and appointment for a diagnosis so before I get a definite answer I wish to know: \n\n\"Is it even possible for me to get an engineering related degree, specially mechatronics?\".\n\nI'm not precisely someone who can put much effort into difficult things and there's nothing else special about me so each time i think about this it just seems impossible. If any of you have similar experiences I would be happy to read about them", "answer": "I am one semester away from getting my Masters in Clinical Psychology. If you are passionate and enjoy it, you will excel. My masters has about 400 applicants and 21 positions (based on life experience, job experience, and personality). Most people apply years in a row. I got it first time around. This was after getting into my honours (based on grades). If I can do this, you can do what you have a desire for.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22gpz", "comment_id": "eiq2u1x"}, {"question": "Do doctors not take case reports seriously?", "description": "My mom is in her early 60s and around 5'2\". We went to her primary care doctor and an ENT for her symptom of a burning tongue. Primary care doctor basically said he didn't know how to treat it and prescribed prilosec for acid reflux. ENT basically said there is no cure and said to try Zantac. \n\nI came across this case report of a woman around the same age who had very similar symptoms.\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4401976/ \nTurns out she had HSV-1. \n\nWe brought this up to both docs and they refused to test for it. ", "answer": "Not my field. In general, case reports need to be taken seriously but with a few grains of salt. They're not solid evidence to make medical decisions with. They're not *no* evidence, and if you have nothing else that's what you use, but they're not the best.\n\nIn this case I'm not sure. Testing for HSV-1 or trying treatment seems like a relatively low-risk option. But doctors are only human and don't like to be caught being ignorant, even of a single case study. They might just be doubling down on an original decision even if it's wrong to avoid admitting that they didn't know.\n\nI don't have the full story, of course. There may be good reason for what they're doing. But there isn't always.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b2ojn", "comment_id": "dx3ity1"}, {"question": "Huge Mood Swings", "description": "I am 16, Male \nSo I noticed a few months from now I started having lots of mood swings\nBasically what would happen was that sometimes I would \"being on the top of the world and nothing could bring me down\" feeling though I felt very *irritated* if someone told me to do some work or something. Sometimes I was too depressed/anxious, hating my life, my family etc (though I never had suicidal thoughts) and even a tiny thing like what someone said would make me anxious and sad, I have also seen that being a little hungry made me be a little happy and being too hungry usually worsened the anxiety \nI attributed these mood swings to puberty but these mood swings are worsening, sometimes to the point I can't study due to me being in a too good mood or too bad mood. \nAlso I sometimes very rarely tend to have a blank kind of phase, where the normal thing that made me happy (like thinking about my crush or playing the new game I brought) does not effect me and the sad feeling went away too, I ignored them because I think it is puberty but yesterday my facial muscles kind of trembled when I was trying to smile, I don't think it was due to the cold. \n***Please tell me is this a normal thing in puberty or if I need help Also I don't want to tell my parents until I am certain because they make a fuss about it and in the end the only response i get is \"you think too much because you watch all these movies and shows and stuff\"*** \nP.S. I think my father has thes mood swing too (I am not certain) and I had a kind of a tough and a bit abusive childhood (although it's gotten better now)", "answer": "To clarify - how long does the elation or irritability last - minutes/hours/days before changing?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5j5di0", "comment_id": "dbe35e0"}, {"question": "[22/m] Scared of dates losing their luster.", "description": "Me and my girlfriend have had trouble in the past, but recently I realized one of my own personal failings is that I didn't put enough emotion in to the relationship. I rarely enforced the idea that I loved her and I always thought that saying it once was enough. So recently when we went to the movies and noticed that Tuesdays were 5$ movie night, she said we should see more movies. I told her we could make Tuesday date night and go see a movie every week if she wanted to. She seemed really for it.\n\nMY question is, how do I keep this from getting stale? So far we have really enjoyed it and cuddle during the movie and whisper and have fun, but I'm scared that over time the idea of going out every single week won't have the same charm for us. ", "answer": "stale is what you feel, not what you do. just have fun, and if it's not, then do something else.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63vkl4", "comment_id": "dfxeq4r"}, {"question": "I dont think I have a tail bone!", "description": "Hi, I'm a 22 year old white British female in a healthy weight range and no major health issues that I know of! Basically as the title says I think I was born without a tail bone, my mum has mentioned this in the past but said that the doctors never really looked into it when I was a child. I've had a little Google and can't seem to find anything about not having a tail bone so I have no idea if it's something I should bring up on my next GP visit. I've always had issues with my hips since I can remember, If I walk a long distance I get a feeling like my hip isn't quite in the right place, sometimes quite painful, and sometimes feels like it 'pops'. It's honestly hard to explain. Also I have two deep dimples about an inch above where my tail bone/spine appears to end which have been there since I was a baby. I have no idea whether the hip issues and dimples are related to not having a tale bone (I can take pics if it would be helpful). I have had a feel of the area on several occasions and it feels completely different to my OH (who has a completely normal tale bone) more like a rounded stump with no sort of curve inwards. Is this something I should be worried about? Should I consult my GP or will I just sound like an idiot?", "answer": "It sounds... unlikely. You never know - your GP will have your childhood records anyway. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9kt17i", "comment_id": "e71mj3i"}, {"question": "M25 F21", "description": "Me and this girl have been seeing each other an our sex life and problems are being voiced to her friends, and her friends are telling her to ask me for space in which I am, I've only texted her once to tell her hope she had a good day no response, I came on a bit strong as we've only been seeing 2 months and told her I was terrified of losing her. I ignored her last message which seemed like a cry for help, but i was at work and got off around 3am so didnt feel the need to respond. She wants space, but also said she doesnt wanna stop talking, she really likes me and cares about me ( both of those were texts out of the blue) and she said shes not breaking it off she just needs space. I just need advice on how to proceed, I like this girl within the first two weeks ive met her parents which according to her took a shine to me.", "answer": "she's contradicting herself. i would keep other opportunities open as she's mixed up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6barhw", "comment_id": "dhl30gh"}, {"question": "What's your perspective on people who are mostly \"fine\" in therapy?", "description": "Hey, I just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses CBT. I have thought about this off and on for a while (I'm 30) because I know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also I feel like I don't have anything too serious to talk about: \n\n--I feel like I have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- I don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (I think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle).\n\n-- In general, I wish I was more confident and had better self esteem. \n\n-- I'm going back and forth right now about whether I'm happy in my long term relationship. \n\n--I am moody more often than I'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way. \n\nI guess I just feel like I'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. Overall my life is good. I don't have trauma, or clinical depression (I don't think). I'm curious about your perspectives on this. Thanks!", "answer": "Although I get folks coming at me with the torches and pitchforks on here for saying this, I think it's important if not necessary to have goals for therapy going in. I don't think how severe your symptoms are or issues are have anything to do with whether you should be in therapy or shouldn't. If you have things you want to work on or try to get more insight into, have a fairly clear idea (and from what you posted you certainly do), then you're a perfect candidate for therapy.\n\n\nThe only issue I've had for some clients is when they've come in, say they want to be in therapy, but continuously say there's nothing bothering them, nothing wrong, and can't identify what they actually want to get out of therapy.... and then for this to go on for several sessions. At a certain point, it feels like I'm just stealing their money even though many would be more than happy to keep forking it over without us actually doing therapy. \n\n\nOne common saying I find myself using with a lot of folks though is \"Everyone's crazy. It's just a matter of what way and how much. If you are able to accept that and have some idea of what way and how much, you're 10 steps ahead of all the people out there who think they've completely got their shit together.\" I'm a firm believer in this. I think everyone can benefit from therapy. They just have to have some idea of what they're hoping to get out of it. \n\n\nIt sounds like you've got that figured out though! I hope you find someone who's a really good fit for you! Best of luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1he67", "comment_id": "ereqvn7"}, {"question": "Laws re: accessibility in hotels", "description": "Hi all,\nI\u2019m hoping it\u2019s ok to ask these questions here. Short background: I have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. I reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled \u201csecond floor\u201d on the website, and others without label. I maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. It turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when I realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. I left after 45 minutes, leaving a VM on the hotel\u2019s phone # and also sending them and email. In both, I explained the situation and why I left, and requested a refund since I couldn\u2019t access the room. They emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. Should I push back? Are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? Are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? What would you do? \nI am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this.", "answer": "Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. I\u2019m realizing that there\u2019s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as I re-enter society bit by bit. I retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because I was worried it would become a big thing in my head and I\u2019d never do it again. I went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. Kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh?", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "caf6f5", "comment_id": "et9pway"}, {"question": "How do you cope/self care?", "description": "As this is a mental health sub, with a diverse community of people who care about their mental health.....\n\nI wanted to know how different people practice mental health self care. Do you have any daily/weekly practices for your mental health? Do you have ways of noticing when you need some extra self love? \n\nIf you have diagnoses, feel free to share those too, and the things you do to specifically cope with your mental health disabilities. I find these topics especially interesting.\n\nComment them! I'd love to try different ways of caring for myself, and I think it would be a cool reference for anyone else who wants to do the same. \n\nMay you all have a wonderful day! ", "answer": "As a therapist it's completely necessary to take regular stock of my own mental/emotional health. I have a ton of coping skills I alternate between depending on what I need and what's convenient. Here's just a few:\n\n* 1. Playing guitar/singing\n* 2. Cooking\n* 3. Video games\n* 4. Writing/blogging\n* 5. Playing D&D w/ friends\n* 6. Talking it out with my wife.\n* 7. Listening to music\n* 8. Reading fiction\n* 9. Taking a very long very hot shower\n* 10. Playing with or cuddling my cat\n\n\nI've been diagnosed with ADHD. I went undiagnosed and untreated (medically) until I was 31. Honestly, meds have been the most important thing to help me cope. Aside from that, using a planner consistently, making lists with check boxes for very short term manageable goals, and keeping track of my diet (making sure I'm not skipping meals).\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9iv38m", "comment_id": "e6mo7gr"}, {"question": "Need some advice. Should I find a new psychiatrist? Was she doing the right thing?", "description": "I seriously don't believe i have bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist didn't even ask many questions. She literally was like so why are you here and i said for a psych eval. First of all she didn't talk for like 5 minutes and was on her computer typing away and then she said that. I had to figure out what to tell her and it was never in order. It was like everywhere and i have horrible memory in general plus i haven't slept for so damn long so it was even worse. Thankfully, i brought my 16 page diary and she said she didn't have time to read it and didn't want to take it and read it after the intake or when she was off work. She didn't give me anything for the anxiety and worrying that i do. I think i should've just got prozac and that's it.I don't even think i have symptoms of bipolar disorder. She said the anxiety, the worrying, the excessive spending, and the seeing things or hearings or thinking someone is coming after me is a part of bipolar disorder. She said i have bipolar with psychotic features. I'm gonna get a second opinion. I think she just wanted to give me something to get her money's worth.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI have a horrible time telling people my issues unless im directly asked. I thought she was gonna ask all the questions the social worker asked 2 days ago. She didn't even ask me if i was having suicidal thoughts but i told her after we were sort of done. She just didn't seem like she cared but just wanted to push pills on me. I mainly went to see her because I haven't slept well or at all for the past 25 days and because I had severe episodes of panic within a week and ended up in the hospital twice because of it. I have been seeing stuff and have been paranoid but its not the same as it has been in the past. Should I look for another psychiatrist? I waited for so long to see her and she didn't seem as well rounded or professional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe even asked me how to spell some medications that I'm allergic to. I told her I'm using CBD and she said cannabis and i said no it's cannabidiol and she couldn't spell it. I just think she half assed her job and didn't really care. She barely looked at me in the beginning until she started asking some questions and then gave me a diagnosis. This was obviously an intake and I was there I think for maybe an hour or a little bit less. Waited to see her for 10-15 minutes. I was also on time. Then the receptionist tells me I can't be more than 5 minutes late because she's seeing patients back to back. But it's okay for her to be 15 minutes late???! Like wtf. Anyway, I would like to get some advice from a psychiatrist specifically but input from other doctors are welcome.\n\n&#x200B;\n\np.s.- Forgot to mention that she prescribed me risperidone and trileptal. Would like some advice on whether I should take them or not. Also,forgot to mention that they accidentally gave me a psychiatrist who only sees adolescents. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age: 25\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'1 1/2\n* Weight: 90 lbs\n* Race: Asian\n* Duration of complaint: a day or two\n* Location (Geographic and on body): N/A\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): ADHD, Anxiety, high blood pressure\n* Current medications (if any): Chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Xanax 0.25mg, Ativan 0.5mg\n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "If you're asking us whether or not you have bipolar disorder, I'd say I don't know.\n\nYou told us a lot about what she did, but little about your complaints and what brought you to her. \n\nI can tell that you feel like the conversation you had was not pleasant, and I am sorry for that. Hopefully your relationship with her will improve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chmycz", "comment_id": "euvkx30"}, {"question": "Can we talk about how learning how to drive with ADHD is debilitating af?", "description": "I know everyone doesn't have the same experience across the board, but a lot of people with ADHD I meet got their drivers license later.\n\nI'm 28, I still don't have mine. From a combination of loathing learning all the little things, trying to keep concentration while on the road, needing instructions to be more clear and ahead of time while driving with my parents, getting into fights with my parents about their teaching style, both of us mutually abandoning it because it was causing too much stress, the highschool driving instructor I had who's teaching style worked very well with my learning style took a long leave of absence so I couldn't hire him as a driving instructor\n\nAND THEN\n\nNot realizing how not having my license for years would add up in jobs I couldn't get(who's pay was always higher than the retail jobs I was working) because I needed to drive a work vehicle or the workplace was over an hour by bus but only 20 mins by car. \n\nI'm reflecting on this now because of corona, and the jobs I could apply for easily if I had a license, and oh yeah a vehicle. Never tried to get jobs with higher wages so I could \"save up for a car,\" I don't have a license, so why would I be thinking about that???\n\nPeople make fun of me when they find out I don't have a driver's license at 28, and I ramble off some excuses that are partially true, but also I just had unmanaged ADHD as a teen, and overworked parents(who probably also have ADHD) who didn't push me too hard to follow up on it or explain why it was tedious but super useful to get it done then.\n\nAt least I can relate to the I'm gay and can't drive memes????", "answer": "Yep! I tried to get my licence when I was 17 and couldn't. I joined the military soon after and got my license while serving because I did a week long driving course that did high intensity driving 12 hours a day for five days. \n\nOne hour a fortnight was never going to work.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jy0kpv", "comment_id": "gd0rdju"}, {"question": "I took part in a BPD research study and just found a the PDF of a presentation that the center and my therapist made. I feel crushed and ghoulish.", "description": "I saw my therapist for 1.5 years. I thought she was great in many ways, and what allowed much of that was her pulling the mask off of me, my bs and the narrative I have made for therapists (and ultimately myself). Also, unlike other therapists I had before, she didn\u2019t have to protect her ego and prove herself to me. It was rough, and I often stirred up storms to deflect what was beneath. All sessions were videotaped so I think I was never truly able to feel like I could expose myself, though the extent that I did was a lot even for me. I always had a problem with her not really being in my life. A \u201cstrange\u201d issue I often have with therapists, but especially her, as I was aware of wondering what it would be like to have had her for a mother.\n\nUltimately my therapy ended with her because the research study did. I could not afford her and I spent the last months trying to make her feel guilty about that, desperately believing she would keep me on as a charity case. \n\nI had a terrible day yesterday and was unable to sleep because of caffeine and anxiety. I have tried to lay off the google searches of people. I was about to Facebook search my ex but nipped in the bud. I told myself looking at my old therapist was benign. I don\u2019t know what I thought I\u2019d come across. The center the study was a part of releases books and articles and I told myself I\u2019d never look at those, since I knew I would be hurt if something was reminiscent of myself.\n\nWell, one of the top google searches was a Narcissim presentation PDF from a conference a month after my treatment ended with her. What sums it up is betrayal. I believe that it wasthe primary researchers who wrote this up, she being a therapist and not primarily a researcher, but of course I believe that part of the insights must have come from her. As I read, I was horrified by the resemblance to my sessions\u2014the so called \u201cshy narcissist\u201d with borderline organization (whatever that last one means). And then a term came up. My heart sank when I saw it. I somehow knew it had relevance to me, I just wasn\u2019t sure how. I looked up what turned out to be a Freudian concept and I couldn\u2019t believe there was his term for something that was a theme in our sessions. Learning a phrase for a concept I thought was uniquely mine, and folding it into how I am not just being paranoid about this PDF. And then on top of that some of the bullet points in this PFF were \u201cpatient trying to learn theories [psych]\u201d \u201coveranalysis of therapist\u2019s comments\u201d and \u201cparanoia.\u201d I know I was a grade A student with the first two items, and the last one is like telling me \u201chaha just because they are after you, don\u2019t mean you\u2019re not paranoid.\u201d\n\nThe worst part is I was obviously yearning for her by searching for her today. And then to find this out I truly want to hate her but all I really want is for her to be my therapist again so I could work through this and be a better patient (funny enough, \u201cpatient needing to know \u2018value\u2019\u201d of session came up, and on a few occasions I half-jokingly would ask for her to rate the session at the end, as if I were trying to perfect the sessions). :\u2019(\nMy current therapist seems to know a lot about me through speaking with her, but he\u2019s young and it just is not the same. I feel as though he analyzes me like I\u2019m a piece of literary work, not a person, and that he allows me to indulge the same.\n\nEdit: I just want to say that things are not as bad as they seem. I found an old paper from this research group that reiterated many of these comments. It still hurts to know that this was the lens I was viewed with. I shouldn\u2019t be surprised as I had come across their papers and books even before I began treatment there.", "answer": "Trying to guilt someone into liking with you makes you kind of an asshole, and you should recognize that. Bpd or not. I struggle to be aware and conscious of manipulating people and when I recognize it I would feel awful and try to work on that. To do it purposefully, well that is a bit narcissistic ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8n76fb", "comment_id": "dztb7n8"}, {"question": "Is NET a legitimate and scientific form of therapy?", "description": "My gf recently started this type of therapy for past trauma and she has been apparently feeling better from it (which is what matters in the end i suppose). I've tried to find out more about it and it seems somewhat \"new age\" and a lot of references to it are on homeopathy blogs. \n\nIs this a legit form of therapy or is it pseudo science? I'm not gonna bother her about it either way (its working) but for my own peace of mind i would like to know.", "answer": "https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-29920-003\n\nThis study found it was helpful in cancer patients .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fg160e", "comment_id": "fk8ozig"}, {"question": "Laid Off After 19 Years", "description": "As the title says I was laid off on May 31st after 19 years with the same company. I was also diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago but have been unmedicated due to medicine not being approved by a combination of my primary care and a psychologist. I have been waiting for my wife's insurance to kick in so I can go back to therapy. \n\nEvery day for the past two weeks I have been having total breakdowns daily, usually it comes from being completely overwhelmed with too many simultaneous tasks and my brain having to make order of all of them before I proceed and not being able to. I just come to a complete stop. I have made no progress since my last day of work to obtain new employment. A couple of networking meetings with acquaintances but that is about it. Any tools or strategies for some temporary relief for my overwhelmed ADHD brain until insurance kicks in again?", "answer": "I obviously can\u2019t say anything diagnostic or make treatment recommendations based off of a Reddit post, but you might consider that your recent emotional disturbances aren\u2019t just due to ADHD. Being laid off after 19 years at the same company is a huge life event, and it will likely take some time to process and understand what kind of impact it may be having on you. Difficulty concentrating, lacking motivation, and feeling sad/down are also symptoms of depression. Again, I of course could never diagnose you, but it does seem relevant that these feelings/symptoms have increased and become more disruptive to your life since you left your job. \n\nI would encourage you to be as kind, patient and gentle with yourself as you can, recognize that you\u2019re going through a major change in your life, and consider that there is probably going to be a period of adjustment to this change, during which you may experience a variety of emotions - and that all of this is perfectly normal and to be expected. Even positive life changes, like getting married or having a child, are to some degree disruptive and stressful. Humans like habit and predictability, and find change difficult. I think getting back into therapy would be to your benefit. While you are waiting, perhaps you could let trusted friends and family know what you\u2019re experiencing and ask for support. At the very least, that will mean that you aren\u2019t alone in this, and that knowledge alone can be a huge comfort. \n\nAs far as concrete steps you can take right now, there are self help type workbooks that you could use. A common technique therapists use to address motivation and encourage behavioral changes is called behavioral activation. It\u2019s a component of CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. I\u2019ve not personally used a workbook specific to this topic, but it might be worth looking into. I did a quick search and found this one:\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Depression-One-Step-Time/dp/1572243678/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=behavioral+activation+workbook&qid=1561663844&s=gateway&sprefix=behavior+acti&sr=8-1", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4bfo5", "comment_id": "es75gqe"}, {"question": "Stunned by doctors giving up - wife and i are desperate", "description": "Ill try to summarize a long story very short here. My wife is 28, 5 foot 6'' tall, about 130 pounds, hispanic. when she was 21 she (and i) got an extremely nasty virus - this may or may not be revelant. It appears to have been a nasty case of mono, although we're not totally sure - we have tossed around the idea of parasites but as of now its just guessing games. we were both down and out for a month. i developed confusing insomnia and neurological issues, she developed GI issues. either way, within a month my wife's stomach started killing her, heavy distension, bloating, constipation blending with loose stool depending on the day. we talked to doctors, i was very concerned - the distension could get as bad as 7-8 months pregnant quite frequently and there were very few days where her stomach was ever in good shape. then things took a step up - about 3 years ago she had an \"attack\", where the distension went insane, and for 3 hours i watched my wife curled up in a ball in utter devastation. the pain from her stomach was so intense she went into shock. She couldnt stop vomiting (well, her version of vomiting, she had a fundoplication when she was 10 so there was not actual vomit - basically dry gagging really hard till she almost passed out) the pain got so bad she went into shock, shivering intensely. bawling the entire time. at the ER the nurse said that there was a huge amount of air in her intestines but they werent really sure why. they got her hydrated with an iv and some muscle relaxants and after an hour of hell it finally subsided. ill never forget the look on her face when the pain let go.\n\nwe went and saw a doctor, obviously - a gastroenterologist in denver, smart guy, i was hopeful. he ran a bombardment of tests - colonoscopy, endoscopy, motility tests where she eat radiated eggs and they monitored. everything came back relatively normal. no physical obstructions detected, stomach looks good from the scope, colon looks good, small intestine looks normal. Motility at the time of the test seems fine. we got to the point where the doc basically had no idea where the pain or bloating were coming from. oh, and she had her appendix removed when she was much younger - i originally thought this looked like appendicitis - not the case. \n\nwe tried diets, we tried allergy exclusion, we tried probiotics, prebiotics, cut drinking, you name it. nothing helped. 6 years of experimentation and minimal progress later...\n\nfast forward to last night - her stomach has been killing her for the past 4 or 5 days, worse than usual, and last night the dam broke. full blown stomach hell. 4 hours of writhing pain in the sweetest woman ive ever met. its horrible. \n\nanyways - i was curious if, now knowing that extensive backstory, anyone knows a thing or two about chronic intestinal pseudo-obstruction. the fact that she's mechanically fine is it possible that the motility testing simply didnt pick something like this up? i think its important to note that she wasnt constipated all day yesterday, its like her gi tract is seizing up spontaneously without backing up. its why im curious about the pseudo obstruction rather than mechanical. perhaps there is an autonomic nerve motility issue? the way they describe how CIP come in \"attacks\" following by chronic low level swelling, the nasuea, fever, the whole thing sounds dead on. but then how did her GI doc not recognize it? if the shoe fits perfectly, but the testing doesnt verify pathology, what do you do? i'm just stunned that at one of the best hospitals in the state, that a doc can run out of options and not have a follow up referral. \n\ni'm clearly spinning in circles here and am just looking for some direction. feel free to hit me with follow up questions and i'll do my best to answer them. \n\nif anyone knows someone that might be able to help in the denver area, please let me know as well...i dont know who to turn to\n\nEdit #1: first of all, holy shit, THANK YOU for all the input. i feel that i've gotten more genuine brain power on this post than 7 years of doctors and desperation. your help has been incredible, if only for the brainstorming and throwing ideas in the pot that i never would have considered!!! \n\nI should note a few things that i didnt mention above. my wife is showing many symptoms, at this point, of auto immune disorders - wait for the kicker - she is negative for auto immune antibodies. her body is walking and talking like she has lupus (small shape of the lupus butterfly, minor joint pain and swelling, food intolerances which vary on the day and are impossible to pin down) or something similar without ANY antibodies. i can only reconcile this fact with generalized inflammation and an immune system which, for lack of a formal medical backround, is really pissed off as a result of either GI inflammation...or the other way around - the GI inflammation is a symptom of autoimmune. *sigh*. ", "answer": "Could it be a somatoform disorder? I've seem individuals with not dissimilar presentations, who responded to some psychological work.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "74hebx", "comment_id": "dnzc4py"}, {"question": "A place for those with and affected by male BPD.", "description": "Hi everyone, not sure if this is aloud please delete if not. \nI have made a new subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/BPDbros \nI made it to hopefully be a place and community for people to positively discuss the male side of borderline personality disorder. Hopefully we can have as many people subscribe to this sub as possible to build a community and help each other in topics posted as this sub develops.", "answer": "Why not just stay here? The best way to build awareness isn't to segregate ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "41odng", "comment_id": "cz3wnd0"}, {"question": "ERP is not the only way to treat OCD, there is another way", "description": "ERP can be very good, but this is mostly if OCD is not too severe, and if the obsession doesn't change very much, or switch up its tactics (my OCD does both of these) There is another one for people like me who have severe OCD, Its called Advanced Brief Strategic Therapy. It has been proven to be very effective against OCD. ", "answer": "Some of the basic assumptions of BST vs CBT seem to be inaccurate. Most importantly is the assumption that CBT believes that we can control our thoughts and emotions, whereas most CBT therapists I know would never make that assumption. While some of the tools in BST can be effective in treating OCD, and can be used in the context of traditional CBT/ ERP, it doesn't seem immediately effective as a stand alone therapeutic technique. While both CBT and BST need insight and willingness, it seems BST requires so much more insight and self control than the CBT/ ERP model. To say to an OCD sufferer \"if you need to do one compulsion, you HAVE to do 10 compulsions in a row, but you cannot just do one\" is to essentially say \"change nothing.\" Some techniques could be beneficial, but really need the skill and experience of a trained therapist to effectively implement the strategies. I'm not disagreeing with OP to say its COMPLETELY ineffective, but readers should begin treatment with a trained OCD/ CBT/ ERP therapist (dont read this as \"just any therapist who says they do OCD treatment and know CBT\") before going this route. \n\nThis response is built on a brief look into it. I'm sure I could do a deeper dive, but I'm off the clock. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "8rwcwx", "comment_id": "e0w4ffy"}, {"question": "How do you know your medicine is working?", "description": "I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and I'm on Abilify 15mg. I started at 5mg and have been working my way up but don't want to keep increasing my dosage if it is not working. I do seem to be happier and the have my moments where I am feeling depressed and anxious and just don't know if the medicine is working. \n\nHow does anyone know if your medicine is working as it should?", "answer": "I'd say to stop paying so much attention to it and keep taking it. A lot of people think they should feel a slight buzz or some side effects so they know it's working. \n\nIf it's working exactly the way it's supposed to, it won't feel like you've taken anything at all, but your mood swings will be less severe, and episodes hopefully fewer, farther between, and less severe. \n\nA huge problem for people with psychotic and mood disorders is that when their meds are working perfectly, they think \"Oh! I've been doing good for a while now. I don't think I need these pills anymore. They don't even feel like they do anything.\" When one of the biggest reasons they've been doing well is in fact the medication. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6ucoi1", "comment_id": "dlsck1y"}, {"question": "I miss being homeless", "description": "Okay. This sounds really, REALLY fucking stupid, and I\u2019m probably a horrible, dumb person for saying this, but, fuck it I guess.\n\nI\u2019ve had a shitty life. I never met my dad, and my mom died when I was 9 years old. My stepdad started using drugs to cope and ended up in the wrong crowd, so I had to move in with my grandparents, who I later found out severely emotionally abused my mother and manipulated her will to entrap me. Keep in mind, they got me, a 9 year old, to sign legal documents under duress by saying \u201cno one else cared about me\u201d and \u201cthis is what Mommy wanted.\u201d\n\nI proceeded to suffer horrific emotional abuse and a good bit of physical abuse (punching, kicking, being dragged out of bed and beaten in the middle of the night) until I was 19 years old. That was the first time I attempted to move out. I was in college. I made friends with the wrong people, and they stole everything I had.\n\nI tried again less than a year later, as my stepdad had gotten clean and promised he\u2019d try to help me. It didn\u2019t work out either, but something good came out of it- we repaired our relationship, and I see him regularly. I even go to my stepfamily\u2019s Christmas and am recognized as \u2018Dave and Amber\u2019s son\u201d instead of \u201cCraig and Teddie\u2019s grandson.\u201d\n\nI tried to move out again recently, I met some friends through Discord who offered to help me out. I went from Louisiana to Ohio, lived there for about a month. It was wonderful, but things didn\u2019t go as planned. I was still depressed. I couldn\u2019t find housing or a job, and I felt like a burden on my friend and his family, who\u2019d been nothing but kind to me- they fed me, washed my clothes, gave me a whole room to myself, hell, they even took me to an Irish festival and paid for anything I asked. \n\nSo I attempted suicide.\n\nOne hospital bill that I only JUST paid off later, my friend\u2019s family was worried that I was beyond their ability to help me. I decided I needed to leave. I don\u2019t blame them, they\u2019re wonderful people, and I\u2019ll cherish the memories I have of my time with them until the day I die.\n\nI had one other friend willing to take me in, in Oregon. Things were going great this time- he was looking to move out, he had trusted friends who were looking at apartments with him, and I was able to find a job after just one week. Sure, I had to rely on the kindness of others a little bit, as my money was running out, but I never ASKED for anything. I only took what was offered, and I didn\u2019t beg. Matter of pride for me.\n\nBut then his friends bailed. I don\u2019t know why. I don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t hate them for it, but it was at that point that I realized I wasn\u2019t going to get a home yet.\n\nSo, I lived on the streets of Portland for a month. Got involved with an \u2018Abolish ICE\u2019 protest and a loose affiliation of fash-bashers who, surprisingly, took my Southern background and formerly-hard right-wing status in stride, and helped me find soup kitchens and night housing. I bought a guy a guitar and I got a pair of drumsticks, and made a bit of money busking in the 5th to 10th Street area (the richer side of Portland IIRC).\n\nThe problem was, it wasn\u2019t enough money, so I went to go pull my mom\u2019s inheritance out of her trust fund.\n\nMy grandfather called me, and told me if I didn\u2019t come home, he\u2019d liquidate the assets, and I would never see that money again.\n\nThe next three days were a somber affair, as I realized I HAD to go home. My newfound friends showed more love and care for me than anyone else in my life ever had. One of the staff at the youth center I hung out at took me to play soccer and did his best to encourage me. The night shelter I stayed at got me a cake that I shared with the few people in shelter that night. A friend of mine used what little money he\u2019d scraped up for cigarettes to buy me a McMuffin. \n\nAnd then I came home. Although my grandparents aren\u2019t stupid enough to hit me again, they\u2019ve found other ways to hurt me. My mental state is in the shit, as are my finances. I have a job, but it doesn\u2019t really make me feel any better (which pissed my family right the fuck off- \u201chaving a job should make you happy, something\u2019s wrong with you\u201d). The friends that promised they\u2019d be here for me when I got back are only available once in a blue moon, and while I understand that they\u2019re busy, I can\u2019t do this on my own. \n\nI want to leave again. But I\u2019ve got nowhere left to run. My car will only get me out of the South, at best. I\u2019m 20 years old. I should be halfway through college right now. I should have a girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe a husband/wife if they were the right person. I should be in therapy. But I\u2019m not. And I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nI\u2019m gonna cap this off with something that aforementioned social worker told me, just hours before I left, after I told him about my situation.\n\n\u201c<anon>, just because they put food in your stomach and your ass in a bed doesn\u2019t mean you were Home. You had **A** home. I\u2019ve been there, too. Find YOUR Home. Maybe it\u2019s here, maybe it\u2019s elsewhere, but find Your Home. You\u2019ll be happier there.\u201d\n", "answer": "Dude social workers aren't just for the homeless. You could start seeing one again, we are awesome! Handy little trick... Some of us specialize into therapy. So if you start that therapy process, you can find one who will help you with more concrete problems. Just talk to your doctor and let them know you prefer a social worker instead of a classically trained psychologist.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "a0j58d", "comment_id": "eailzfy"}, {"question": "I think I might have ADHD... what do I do?", "description": "I'd like to start out by saying that I am not trying to super self-diagnose... I am 100% willing to accept that this is not what I have, it is just a suspicion. I just would like advice for an upcoming appointment (my first one ever) with a psychiatrist. \n\nBasically, I think I have ADHD, but I'm not sure that I should tell the psychiatrist my suspicions. I don't want them to think that I'm trying to score study drugs or whatever (I live in a college town) but I do want to be heard. My symptoms line up to a T with the DSM 5 (and I'll list them below) so maybe they will be more receptive? I'm worried they will brush me off.\n\nAlso, I did take adderall the other day to see how it affected me, and 10mg XR just calmed me down like crazy. I cried because I actually felt normal. I want to tell the psych this, but I'm scared that this will really make them think I'm looking to score drugs. I don't care about that at all... if there's a non-stimulant treatment I'll go that route, even. Is this something I should tell them? \n\nMy symptoms (if you're interested):\n\n~ I need something playing in the background at all times (usually, I just play the same shows on repeat) and I can't focus without it. I just don't like to sit in the quiet. But I also can't focus when it's on. It's like I need that noise, but when its there, I can't function with it. \n\n~ I dissociate often, but Im not sure if that's the right word. I get really aware of my peripheral vision and it feels like I'm in a movie. People move too fast and don't seem real... this is scary. I think this is do to some sexual trauma, though. \n\n~ I zone out frequently. Like 25% of my day is spent vividly daydreaming. I also can't seem to focus on what people are saying to me. In conversation I usually get distracted because I'm paying attention to the fact that I need to pay attention, or something they say will remind me of something, and my mind will just go off on a tangent. \n\n~ Procrastination. I am horrible about this, but its not like I'm just being lazy. I just get so worked up thinking that have to do something, and I spend more time worrying about it than I would take to do it. I also don't just do stuff I want to do, instead. The anxiety makes it to where it wouldn't even be enjoyable. Ive taken trig three times now bc of this, and I havent read 1 book I've been assigned all the way through since high school, and I'm an English major! I just can't get through books, especially when assigned. I have to constantly re-read things. Still, I had a 3.9 in H.S. and a 3.6 now.\n\n~ I am incredibly forgetful. I constantly forget to turn assignments in on time, even though I have it on my calendar and I check it every day, and I always pay my bills late, even though I have plenty of $ to pay them with. I also find myself losing things like my phone, keys, clothes, etc. twenty times a day. As soon as I set something down I forget it. \n\n~I monopolize conversations, and interrupt people a lot, though I don't usually notice until its pointed out to me. I really, really try to keep in mind to be polite, but I swear its like I can't help it. I just have to say what I want to say, and I can't seem to pay attention until I say it. Honestly I think I'm just really annoying to others, but I actively try not to be. \n\n~I have very fidgety habits, including, but not limited to: nail biting, picking at lips/pimples/skin, grinding my teeth, bouncing my leg... just really, constantly fidgeting. \n\n~ I struggle with sleep issues. \n\n~ I'm always, always late, even when I leave myself plenty of time to get ready and its something I want to do. \n\nI'm just not sure. Does this sound like ADHD to you guys? Should I bring up my concerns with my doctor, or will that make my situation worse? \n\nThank you!!!", "answer": "No idea - but a proper ADHD diagnosis should be done over multiple appointments so dont expect an immediate answer! Theres also a lot of other conditions that can present like ADHD too, so without the full assessment, its best to keep an open mind.\n\nMeds like adderall etc can make people without ADHD feel better too (hence why it can be a drug of misuse) so dont use that as any sort of proof, though for all we know it could be an actual therapeutic response.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g18u1z", "comment_id": "fnecl8y"}, {"question": "Non-TCA antidepressants that won't cause headaches?", "description": "31F, 5'3, 180lbs. - medications: sertraline, amoxicillin, nexplanon - non-smoker - medical issues: depression, anxiety, adhd, carp skin condition - duration of complaint: headaches started 3 years ago. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've been on sertraline for years. I recently figured out that it is what has been giving me headaches. Migraine with aura and nausea. Every week 3-7 days a week.\n\nI talked to my doctor who prescribed amitriptyline. I had a very bad reaction to it. Literal falling asleep at the wheel on the low starter dose they had me on. It didn't get any better when they halved that dosage. I was told to stop taking that and take citalopram. Headaches started up on day 2 of the low starter dose. The doctor has given up already I assume as she put me back on a low dose of sertraline.\n\nAny advice on what to suggest is appreciated. I'm not ok without antidepressants but if I have to live in pain for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do.", "answer": "Amitriptyline is one of the more sedating TCAs. Nortriptyline is generally more tolerable, as are several others. At true antidepressant doses they tend to have side effects more often than newer classes of antidepressant.\n\nVenlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI that can be used to prevent migraines, so I would not expect it to cause them. It\u2019s also activating rather than sedating.\n\nBupropion (Wellbutrin) works through different mechanisms than other antidepressants. It\u2019s not sedating and not associated with migraines.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "epohkt", "comment_id": "fektytq"}, {"question": "Was I raped? Or was I just being stupid?", "description": "So a few years ago when I just turned 17 (19 now, turning 20 in a few months) I had this friend who we will just called J. He was 21 at the time and I really just felt bad for the guy... He always told me that he couldn't connect with people his age so he always was friends with people younger than him. For the beginning of our friendship he was dating this drop dead gorgous girl who ended up becoming miss maryland teen so it wasn't like he was some socially awkward penguin that didn't know how to speak to people. They broke up and he began to have an interest in me.\n\nWe'd often hang out at his house, he still lived with his parents so most of the time we'd be just sitting in the family room watching some movie. I've had no interest in him other than a friendship and he was well aware of that. He's put his face in mine and kissed me a few times but I'd put an end to it quickly. Nothing over the top really would happen.\n\nWell, one night I was at a party and we ran out of beer and stuff so I called J to see if he could buy us some considering he's of legal age. He came to the house I was at with the stuff and stayed for a bit. He didn't drink at all and just sat there and talked to all of us. After I realized I was smashed I thought I should go home and go to sleep. Since J hasn't had anything to drink, and he was my friend I asked him if he could take me home, Instead he brought me to his house. I thought it was strange but didn't really care considering I was extremely drunk. I just plopped down onto the couch and shut my eyes. I woke up to him kissing me and touching me, and I kind of just blew it off and pushed him away and said I was tired. He kept on trying and this is when it mostly turned into a blur... I don't know if I was trying to block it out or if I was too drunk to remember but I know we ended up on the floor in the other room and I know we had sex. The most I remember from during sex was when I tried pushing him off but he held himself there and then I gave up and just let it happen.\n\nI know if I was sober I wouldn't have let that happen. I'm just still so confused... The next morning when I woke up I pretended like nothing happened until I got home because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of his mom. Once I got home I took a shower because I felt so dirty and just cried... I wasn't sure if it was my fault that it happened or not. After that he messaged me and told me that what he did wasn't to just get in my pants but that he cares about me and wanted to be with me and I just ignored all the messages. He said that I was the one that asked if he had a condom, so that means that I was okay with us having sex but I don't remember saying it... This is starting to get really choppy and I'm sorry about that I'm just not good at typing really long stories.\n\nEven after that though, I still spoke to him. I mean we never hung out again but he drove me to work a couple times, got me a job, and we would speak on facebook sometimes. I'd never get near him though... One time at the mall like a year ago he put his arm around me jokingly and I got this really sick feeling. I feel emotionally scarred about all of this but I don't know if I have reason to. Can I actually call this rape? I would never go to the police about this because I don't want to ruin someone's life but I just want to be at peace with all of this.", "answer": "It sounds like rape to me-- but the most important thing is your own reaction, and from your own reaction I think it sounds like rape to you too. ", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "18t3hp", "comment_id": "c8hreiv"}, {"question": "18/m isn't sure if he wants open relationship with 18/f", "description": "I'm on a throwaway to disguise myself\nMe and my GF have been dating for 9 months give or take and very early onto into a relationship I nearly left for another girl, but after telling her decided not to. Now we have (what I thought was) a healthy relationship and even live together. Fast forward to today she had a depressive break down (as she does at times and is diagnosed with chronic depression). Well after I thought I had cheered her up she went to her dance class. Soon after she had left she told me she had something to get off her chest. She told me she wanted an open relationship. I will paraphrase our conversation now. (I will be M and she will be F)\n\nF: \"I want to have sex with other people...I want to be with you forever but good couples don't fuck other people...part of me is saying I just want to get back at you.\"\n\nM: \"Like you have urges to fuck some one or just thoughts?\"\n\nF:\"Well nobody in particular I mean but like if someone I was attracted to was hinting at it or being flirty I know I would have a difficult time turning them down.\"\n\nM:\"Knowing you, I feel like if you did this it you wouldn't forgive yourself... and I really don't feel that would be healthy for our relationship.\"\n\nF:\"Well I mean I don't think I told you my ideal relationship would be an open one...Idk I'm just kinky\"\n\nM: No, I think you just have a high sex drive\n\nF:\"But I would never ever without your permission/PRESENCE, and no I am just really kinky\"\nShe then left for her dance class but I sent some messages\n\nM:\"The only way I am going to let this happen is if I know I am going to get atleast as much ass as you are... also if someone told you they wanted to have sex and you would have a hard time telling them no, you lack self control.\"\nShe appears a while after\n\nF:\"I would never do anything without atleast telling you but you're right I do lack self control that's why I like being with you. You keep me in check. If I was ever in a situation before this talk I would have thought about it but never acted upon it.\"\n\nM:\"Which one is it, because that's not what you said before? You said you would have trouble saying no.\"\n\nF:\"I would have trouble but I wouldn't do it because you mean more to me than any piece of ass.\"\n\nM:\"That's not what matters to me though. It bothers me just know that that could happen. I haven't really told you this because I didn't want to bother you but I am an extremely jealous person.\"\n\nF:\"Yeah me too I gtg\" \nAnd then she went back to dance\n\nHere I am now not knowing what to do or say and half terrified she will find this post somehow.\ntl;dr: Girl friend wants to cuck me because she lacks self control what do", "answer": "open relationships almost never work. monogamy is too ingrained in us.... be careful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61wxg5", "comment_id": "dfhz8rw"}, {"question": "I'm an insecure future therapist", "description": "I'll soon graduate. Using empathy as my instrument is something that scares me.\n\nHow do you guys master actually listening to the person and not invalidating their thoughts? How do you control yourself not to say \"but this is not so bad\" or \"your depressed thought doesn't make sense?\" How not to use common sense, which I know doesn't help?\n\nI've watched therapy sessions and have a therapist of my own, so I've seen it happen, but I'm insecure about doing it myself.", "answer": "It\u2019s about being in the world of your client and understanding how it feels for them. Be with them in the moment without trying to come up with a \u201cfix\u201d because it\u2019s not about you fixing anything for them. You are there to be one of the only people in their life who will listen without judgement and without treating them like they\u2019re fucked up. \n\nTelling someone \u201chere\u2019s how you fix this/here\u2019s what you need to do\u201d is taking away their autonomy to find their own way. It also implies they aren\u2019t fucked up/dumb etc. and that you\u2019re some how smarter and this expert in their life. I can work with a client for a year and still not know everything about their life and inner workings. I can give a client 50 great pieces of advice on how to \u201cfix\u201d something they come in with, but they can sit there and shoot down everyone of them (that\u2019s not a fun session). I\u2019ve been there when clients push and push for advice and answers and I made the mistake of giving in. They shot down and had a reason why every idea I had wouldn\u2019t work. That taught me a lot. It\u2019s not about me giving them answers it\u2019s about me helping to empower them through empathy and validation. \n\nTo help yourself understand empathy, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think of how it would feel to share some really vulnerable things that maybe you don\u2019t tell anyone and hear that person who is supposed to help you, tell you how what you feel or what you think is wrong. Would you want to open up again? In your program they should have and I hope they did talk about the ways to phrase things so that you avoid coming off as judgmental when you do challenge the client (after you\u2019ve built rapport). Also keep in mind challenging is not calling them out in a harsh way. It\u2019s more like \u201cI hear you say you don\u2019t care if you have friends and I hear you saying how hard it is to feel so lonely sitting by yourself at home so much. I wonder if you do really want friends and because of the negative experiences you\u2019ve had in the past finding those friends seems terrifying so you\u2019re trying to convince yourself you don\u2019t want them.\u201d \n\nYou\u2019ll get there, you just have to work on keeping the \u201ccommon sense\u201d reactions to yourself (even when you\u2019re faced with a client that seems like they could use a dose of it. Trust me there will be many times you find yourself thinking \u201comg if you would just stop doing x you would be fine\u201d but it\u2019s never that simple. That\u2019s when you work harder to feel with the client and also get supervision. \n\n[great video about empathy vs sympathy ](https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g3z2d9", "comment_id": "fnupjga"}, {"question": "9-year-old with headache for 7 days", "description": "My 9-year-old daughter, 55 lbs, has been having a headache (sometimes painful enough that she has missed several days of school and is not being her usual rambunctious self) for 7 days. 200mg of ibuprofen eases the headache (but doesn't eliminate it) for only about 2 hours. She says the pain is only in her temples. She also has swollen lymph nodes in the jaw and neck. \n\n-Pediatrician tested for strep (it was negative), looked for signs of meningitis (didn't find any), and sent us along.\n-Ophthalmologist said her prescription needs updating, but no sign of intracranial pressure.\n-Dentist sees no sign of infection or impaction to cause such pain.\n\nWhat next? If we head back to the pediatrician, what should we push for? It is horrible to see my little girl in pain and not have any way to get relief. \n\nA few things that might be important: \n\n-She upped her dose of guanfacine (for ADHD) two weeks ago, from 1mg to 1.5mg with the extra .5 being a rapid release tablet. \n-She's had a weird string of problems since September--stomach aches and nausea for the last several months and two weeks in November with a painful, obviously swollen knee without any clear injury followed a few days later by a \"sprained\" ankle on the same leg (again without any definite injury). Also, during the same time period, her anger (always a problem for her) has really gotten out of control. The increased anger issues were what finally pushed us to medicate her ADHD. While the medication is greatly improving her standard ADHD symptoms, the anger is still as bad as ever. \n\nAny insights would be very much appreciated!", "answer": "Anything going on that might worry your daughter about going to school?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xc8vy", "comment_id": "degyjhf"}, {"question": "Please help. Doctors are of no help, telling me that my pain isn't ever and to wait out. How do I proceed?", "description": "I'm 18, male, 5ft8, 65kg, British and I've been having this issue for about 2 months now. I take methylphenidate 20mg XR for ADHD and was taking amiltriptyline (25mg) for about 3 weeks around the time this started, this was for neuralgia but I stopped taking this as I thought it could be causing or worsening this pain.\n\n\nI've been to see 3 different GPs and they all seem to think I'm fine. The first GP told me to wait this out, take some OTC painkillers if it gets worse. The second was kind-of helpful and prescribed an antibiotic, this seemed to improve the pain but it never really got better. The course of antibiotics was amoxicillin for 5 days. The third GP got annoyed at me for saying I could not wait a week or two for an appointment for this issue as he thought it wasn't serious (I cannot go to NHS walk-in due to work and there were no appointments available for at least a week so I got angry on the phone). I was told another course of antibiotics wouldn't do anything if the 5 day course didn't resolve my pain. He ended up prescribing otovent and a beclometasone nasal spray but told me the best I can do is wait this pain out as it isn't chronic sinusitis and it isn't suggestive of anything else... I'd be fine with this but the problem is it isn't getting better! \n\n\nThe pain seems like pain around my left sinuses, left ear and generally the left side of head/upper face. It hurts to move my left eye in the mornings and at some points during the day (like I'm pulling on a ligament/muscle that's tight in the eye). The eye strain is the only problem that is at its worst when I wake up. There is no pain in my right eye or that side of the face. The pain seems to shift locations, sometimes I'll feel like there is pain in my inner ear and around it, and other times the pain will be on my left temple or around my eye. There is no tenderness. I am not suffering from any symptoms like vision loss or dizziness. I haven't had any personality changes other than anger when the pain is particularly bad. There's no nausea or noticeable neck tension. My only symptom is pain. I was speaking to a friend who's studying medicine and he said any pain in the head is a headache so technically I have a \"headache\" but it is not like a migraine or pain all around my head, it's just an ache on the left front side of my head around my temple. Paracetamol doesn't really help much, nor do topical nasal decongestants or otovent. I'm not sure if the steroid spray helps, the pain is definitely still here but it doesn't seem as bad if I use it. If anyone here has any idea what this could be or how I can get a doctor to take me seriously I'd **really** appreciate a response. I'm so lost and tired of this :( I just want to know what the cause of this pain is.\n\n\nThank you so much for reading.\n", "answer": "UK doc here.\n\nTMJ has been spoken about - [heres the NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/temporomandibular-joint-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx). Id recommend waiting it out rather than going for invasive procedures - which admittedly will feel frustrating for you. Jumping in with invasive treatments early can sometimes cause more harm than good.\n\nAs someone else has asked - does it impact your daily functioning?\n\nKeep going with the amitriptyline - it is unlikely to be aggrevating whatever condition you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fbwsv", "comment_id": "dajg9pr"}, {"question": "Taking Effexor after 5htp?", "description": "I've been taking Kava Kava, 5-htp, and GABA for anxiety and panic attacks. Recently I've been going through a stressful period and the anxiety is really bad and that combination isn't working as well for me.\n\nThe last time I had a period of bad anxiety I was taking 75mg Effexor which seemed to work very well. I take a total of 200mg 5-htp a day (half in the morning, half at night).\n\nI want to start taking Effexor again but I'm worried about serotonin syndrome. How long should I abstain from 5-htp before taking Effexor again? (I notice effects like anti-depressant 'withdrawal' like hypersensitivity to motion from 5-htp after about 16hrs of missing a 5-htp dose)\n\nTLDR: I take 200mg 5-htp a day and want to switch back to 75mg Effexor, how long should I abstain from 5-htp to be safe from serotonin syndrome?", "answer": "Given its a poorly evidenced unregulated dietary supplement, its probably doing little of much use in the brain. You could probably start fairly quickly though dont take them at the same time. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77j3av", "comment_id": "don7ipu"}, {"question": "Found journal", "description": "Just thought I'd share this with you all. Yesterday I was doing a bit of cleaning and came across the journal I had kept from the beginning of my recovery. Oh god! Well of course I read it. Here are my thoughts. Holy crap was I insane. I could see defenitely improvement over the 7 or so weeks but it's hard to believe this is how I was thinking. All of my problems were blamed on others. I was powerless and helpless and so confused about everything. I was lonely and was isolated from everyone and didn't know what to do. I was afraid of the future. It was really neat seeing a gradual change in my writings. One thing that stood out was how my penmanship (of all things) improved. From sloppy and weak to somewhat neat and more confident. It was a sign of physical improvement. A couple things I noticed that obviously worked were doing little things. I prayed (even though I don't believe in a diety), I asked others for help. The more I asked for help the easier things became and the happier i became. I began to have gratitude. I was thankful for simple things, little kindnesses others did for me, and life in general. I know I still have lots of work to do but some clarity has come to me over time. One thing I attribute this to is listening to others and not thinking I have all the answers. Not sure if this helps anyone but those are my thoughts at the moment. Hope you all have a good day and thanks for reading!", "answer": "I'm cleaning now to try and help with anxiety and keep me busy. I hope one day I can come across something like this. Can I ask what kinds of things you asked help for? And what did you find to be the most helpful. Congrats on everything. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3wjuxn", "comment_id": "cxww74x"}, {"question": "I just want friends to be close friends with", "description": "I have a close friend but it always seems she\u2019s trying to help me. I have other acquaintances that I don\u2019t hang out with often. I have a new job and my co-workers are awesome but we haven\u2019t hung out yet. I just want some friends to hang out with, do nothing with, and not judge each other. Do these types of pure friendships even exits? I\u2019ve never been good at close friends in my 28 years. I\u2019m everyone\u2019s first friend but never the best friend. Maybe it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m even craving social interaction lately - usual I\u2019m fine to be my keep to myself quiet person. ", "answer": "Not sure if this applies to you or not. One problem I see with lots of folks struggling with this is that their goal is to have \"close friends\" but generally don't like associating with more surface level acquaintances and having all of the superficial conversations and what not that go along with that. \n\nUnfortunately for these folks, good, healthy, organic relationships do not happen immediately. They generally grow from what starts out as more simple and superficial relationships with acquaintances. Finding shared interests and each party making a continuous effort to spend time together doing what they mutually enjoy and eventually the two may become close friends. The only way to get this though is to put the effort in inviting acquaintances to things and making time to go to things they invite you to. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ekh9j", "comment_id": "dxvxpem"}, {"question": "Is there a type of doctor who can teach me not to be awkward? I am not even sure what I am doing to be awkward but I know I am.", "description": "If I don't fix myself I will eventualy kill my self in a few years. I have no friends and I want to be social. ", "answer": "You should see a counselor. A counselor can help you work on social skills, and also on depression.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1ahtnp", "comment_id": "c8xo9yk"}, {"question": "hi.", "description": "Hi.\n\nI don't know how should I begin. I don't even know why I am here. I guess the first thing I just say is that I am just tired. \n\nThings are reasonably well. I have a decent salary. I go to school. I'm almost 21. Male. But I am so alone. I feel so empty and alone. \n\nI feel like a total loser. The only ability I seem to have is to push people away. I have no friends. I have no social skills. At work, I'm just used to it, we all talk and have fun, but most of them are considerably older than me, so I seldom go out with them. At school, I only talk to 3 or 4 people. \n\nIt's so stupid, I know. It's a non-issue. I feel people make fun of me. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like shit, I look like shit. I'm fucking ugly. And all that. And I cannot even tell what's really happening anymore. I'm losing my head. I don't want to keep going with this. I like school, I like the few people I talk to, but I get home every night anxious and asking myself why am I such a loser. When I look in the mirror, you know, I don't look like shit. But when I'm outside is different. I'm such a pussy for worrying about shit like this. And even with all that anxiety, I hate this loneliness, I hate this emptiness. I hate the person I've become.\n\nI'm so fucking tired of the same shit over and over. The same job, the same meaningless tasks, going to school and going home. Being in front of my computer until midnight. Sleep, repeat. It makes sick to know that something as meaningless as this is making me plan my own death.\n\nI just don't care anymore. There is only one thing I need to do. I need to detach from my family. I need to piss them off, to make them angry. Having done that, I'll be ready to leave all this shit behind. I have a few plans. \n\n<snip, it was too descriptive>\n\nI'm planning to go far away. To another country. I just need to figure out a method (gun would be difficult to find), I'm guessing I'll try to overdose. I'll have to shred any evidence of who I am (passports, wallet, CCs). Or make it look like an accident, jump from a bridge, who knows.\n\nIt'll take some time, maybe a few weeks, to finally have everything set up. These feelings have been getting worse and worse every day. I cannot stand this. I just don't want to live anymore. I've waited for a long time for something big to happen, and I now realize this is it. I almost died during birth. I was never meant to be alive. Bring it on.\n\nLike I said. I don't know why I'm here. I already know the usual answers (this is a secondary account). But I have no will to try it anymore. Sometimes, I just wish I had a gun, so I could end it as soon as possible.", "answer": "You must be a very resilient person to be going through all of that and still be able to have a job and go to school. What are you in school for?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "axucc", "comment_id": "c0jyhub"}, {"question": "Am I making the right decision by breaking up with my[29f] boyfriend[28m] because of him cheating on me, despite the fact that he kept treating me like a princess for the past 8 years of our relationship?", "description": "We were in the same town for a year and since then we have an LDR, because we went studying and ,after that,working on different cities, but we kept loving each other and keeping the promess that we will be always together and geting married, we saw each other every weekend all this time\n\nAll this 8 years he treated me nicely like a gentelman , he has nervosity probelm but once he gets calm he apologises and promess that he wont do it again\n\nWell, two years ago he met with this friend who introduced him to a concept of having affairs.\nSo he started cheating, I caught him the first time, he had a broken heart and he apologised and I forgave him but unfortunately he kept cheating on me, and I wasn't sure about hus cheating till recently\n\nSo now I'm in a dilemma,\nHe's young and compared to his young age, men have affairs and have fun but he showed a level of maturity bigger than other men in his age,\nSo I Know someday he wont cheat again because he will get satistfied of that lack of experiences,\nHe treated me like a gentelman, took care of me \nNever left me wash the dishes when we spend time together, he takes care of everything when we go on dates\n\nIn his personality he's the Man, he takes care of everything he' responsible but he is dry emotionaly\n\nWe are planing to get married in july but he cheated on me two months ago, how can you understand it? Well, he considers marriage very serious bond, but now plays since he thinks that I dont know about his affairs\n\nSo am I Making the right decision by breaking up with him?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69kg67", "comment_id": "dh7gpag"}, {"question": "familial hypocalciuric hypercalcemia", "description": "Age : 25\nWeight : 69.2 kgs\nRace : European and Middle eastern\nHeight 183.5 cms\nLocation : Australia\nConditions >>>>\nASD/PDD-NOS\nHypercalcemia (duration unknown - earliest detection was august 2012. possibly went unnoticed many years before that)\nBradycardia (lowest recorded was 37 BPM on a holter machine and typically settles around 40-48 BPM before bed).\nOccasionally a very fast heart rate upon waking up in the morning (holter machine recorded 115bpm around 7:30am)\n\nNo other known familial conditions apart from my father having haemochromatosis and my mother having Lupus (and also two appendixes!) \n\nI'm due for genetic testing in a couple months but beofore that they are doing a final blood test : Elecs, Ca/Phos, creat, urea, urate, gluc\nLiver function test\n24hr urine - Ca+++ , creat\nPTH\nVitamin D 25(OH)\n\nThey already did half of these test on me several times but my vitamin D levels were a bit low (I used to be a complete shut in) but now that my Vit D levels are much higher they want to do this final test on me before going ahead with genetic testing.\n\nLast 24hr urine test resulted in a cc/r of less than 0.20 (0.19 i think) and with repleted VITD levels my endocrinologist seemed to believe it is FHH causing my higher calcium levels...(ionized calcium ranging from 1.34 to 1.39)...my PTH levels ranged from 2.7 to 5.0 \n\nAnother reason they dont suspect Primary Hyperparathyroidism anymore is because my forearm bone density is far above average, particularly the 1/3 distal radius..which is 99% cortical bone.\n\nAnyway, I'm a bit disappointed by lack of information on the web about this condition. I read as much as I can on it and some sources seem to contradict each other. At first I thought there is no way I could have FHH as not one single person in my family has high blood calcium but then I found out from my doctor and through my own research that the gene can mutate in an individual for the first time (how unlikely is that!?)...FHH occurs at rate of 1 in 78,000 people...that means I'd be one of 350 people in my own nation. \n\nOkay my question is that I want to know if there's anyone on this forum with more advanced knowledge on this condition or has some experience in endocrine disorders. For the past 6 months or so this whole issue has been causing me a lot of stress/grief and even strained relationships. I just want some finality to this. So any information that someone on this board can supply to me would be very appreciated.\n\nThanks.\n\n\nEdit : Wanted to add that aside from postural dizziness (occasional) and the low heart rate, I am completely asymptomatic. No lethargy, fatigue and only my typical bouts of depression which I've lived with my whole life. Nothing comes to mind that I can attribute to Hypercalcemia. I do sometimes have prehypertension levels of systolic blood pressure, while my diastolic is below 70 most of the time. I did some research and I suspect it is 'spurious systolic hypertension'. I had an electrocardiogram, echocardiogram and a calcium scoring test done and everything looked completely normal. ", "answer": "I am not an expert, so my knowledge comes from medical school and what I've run into along the way (I think I've encountered one case; as you say, it's rare!), and I only found out because the patient mentioned it as part of providing medical history. That said, what I remember from medical school is being told that it exists, it's asymptomatic, and that it's mostly an oddity to remember because every once in a while high calcium is of no significance.\n\nSpontaneous mutations do occur. Rarely, but not never. These heritable disorders have to start somewhere, and you could be the one who just got unlucky. \n\nFHH is usually asymptomatic. It doesn't bother you and it doesn't increase risk of developing complications. If that's what you have, and genetic testing is from my limited knowledge the way to go, you have a weird fact about yourself that doesn't change your life in any way.\n\n(Again, I have zero expertise here, but my I thought FHH *shouldn't* increase bone mineralization. Again, the way to know is to continue with the workup, which you're doing. Try not to worry too much about it\u2014although easy for me to say, right?)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c6kib", "comment_id": "dxcsyp7"}, {"question": "Is daily sex a reasonable expectation?", "description": "My SO of 3 years expects and requests sex daily. I find this expectation daunting to the point I dread bedtime. I've told him, for me, the daily expectation makes sex feel like a chore and takes the fun out of it. I don't like and feel guilty turning him down. I've convinced him to compromise with every other day instead, but I still feel that daunting expectation, like I'm not allowed to say no if I denied him the night before. I find I don't enjoy sex as much as in past relationships where daily (or now, every other day) sex was not an expectation. Below are some more details:\n\nI DO facilitate sex - he is NOT always the instigator.\nWhen I instigate, it's usually in the morning.\n\nYes, I'm physically attracted to him.\n\nYes, he makes me feel attractive by frequently giving compliments.\n\nI'm satisfied with other forms of intimacy instead of sex such as holding, snuggling, petting, etc. and while he engages in these forms of intimacy, he is never satisfied stopping there.\n\nHe becomes visibly upset if I decline sex.\n\nHe has stated he needs sex nightly in order to sleep. This bothers me in that I feel like a cum dumpster for his release in order to sleep rather than the act being an expression of love.\n\nHe has stated sex is necessary for pregnancy support (I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant. We have experienced 2 previous miscarriages) because it balances the ph levels in my uterus-- something I have not found any scientific evidence to support this claim.\n\nHe often references the fact I told him an ex used to turn me down frequently yet I still desired sex with the ex (as a reason to never deny him.). I tried to explain that I did instigate sex with my ex because (a) the ex and I were only having sex once a month at that point (b) not having sex daily gave me the chance to actually desire it.\n\nHe has stated that if sex wasn't frequent in my previous relationships, I was SURELY being cheated on.\n\nNo, I don't care if he watches porn. Yes, I occasionally also watch porn.\n\nYes, I masturbate but not as frequently during pregnancy due to the cramping after orgasm.\n\nYes, I climax during sex, but only when on top or during oral. \n\nYes, I'm fine with oral both ways. I'm also fine with oral not turning into sex.\n\nThe actual act itself is enjoyable although once recently I did not enjoy it because the daily requests are killing my libido (which is already irregular due to the pregnancy). It was the one time I did not get into it at all (no noises, etc). I admit I've feigned enjoyment during the act merely to get him to climax quicker (although I do NOT feign orgasms).\n\nOn multiple occasions, after which I've declined sex, he has awakened me during the night while shaking the bed during masturbation. As I said, I don't care if he chokes the chicken, but I would prefer not to have my sleep disturbed especially during pregnancy when getting enough/good sleep is EXTREMELY difficult. When I asked him not to wake me to do that, the most recent incident, he responded that he wasn't going to change the person he is. ???\n\nNo, we did not start the relationship off with frequent sex. I did not want to begin sex until \"love\" was involved (being said). I think it was only about 2 weeks until our first sex. He did say he loved me but he also said it's important to know if there is sexual compatibility in order to pursue a serious relationship. I did feel this statement somewhat pressured me into sex \"too early\" and it occurred at his parents' home which made me uncomfortable. I did not particularly enjoy that first encounter.\n\nI would be satisfied with 1-2x a week. I'd probably be happy to do it more frequently - sometimes - if it weren't EXPECTED.\n\nSummary: Is daily sex a reasonable request in a relationship? How can I reduce the frequency without feeling guilty or making my partner feel unattractive?\n", "answer": "Sex shouldn't be a request... period! It's a mutual decision by two people. NEVER have sex when you don't feel like it. It will kill your sex life and your relationship.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78pm8v", "comment_id": "dovo0mk"}, {"question": "Doctor is just pumping me with pills, not helping. Need advice. NJ. USA", "description": "I'm 29 live in the United States. NJ. I'm type 2 diabetic. Have higher cholesterol. Depression and vision issues. I am 6 foot 1 and 315 lbs (I use to weigh 387 a year ago) here is my medication list: \n \nBasaglar 10 units at night. \nMetformin hcl 1000mg 2x daily. \nGlipizide 10mg 2x daily. \nAtorvastatin calcium 10mg. \nFenofibrate 160mg. \nJardiance 25mg. \nUnknown cholesterol medication. \n \nI want to be on less, my doctor keeps throwing meds at me not trying to help. It sucks. My A1c was 9.4 it's 7 now. But pills have not changed. I don't know what to do. Being on this many pills can't be good for my body. Help please. Not sure if it's because of my state paid insurance or not....if so that sucks. ", "answer": "I'm not an endocrinologist or even an internist. That said, while A1c is not the be-all, end-all in diabetes care, for someone young and otherwise healthy a target of below 7% is common. If it takes many medications to get you there, then it takes many medications, and while they can have side effects, high blood glucose also has definite long-term consequences for your body.\n\nIt's a conversation that you should be able to have with your doctor, but it's also understandable for your doctor to see A1c as the marker of progress, and while you've certainly made progress, everything is not resolved.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pq5i9", "comment_id": "e83lhcz"}, {"question": "Toastmasters: Learn new social skills, build your confidence, and meet new people! ", "description": "This post was a long time in the making and is an edited response to a previous post I made when someone asked about Toastmasters. I responded with a summary of why I think Toastmasters is an excellent program for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. It got little love at the end of a thread several days old. I\u2019m creating this post to expand on my original ideas and provide reasons why I think Toastmasters is helpful for building social skills. I should add that I, like all Toastmasters, volunteer my time with Toastmasters and receive no financial benefit. In addition, Toastmasters is a non-profit. \n\nI've been involved with Toastmasters for approximately eight years, and I've been in many different clubs as a I moved around. I'm 33 years old now but started when I was 25. Let me preface my comments below by saying that I'm a huge believer in the program - I've drank the Kool-Aid, I'm in it hook line and sinker, etc. In this post, I will tell you how I think Toastmasters will improve your social skills. \n\nFirst, Toastmasters does help many people improve their social skills through public speaking. How? By forcing people to confront their social fears in a positive and mutually supportive environment. Every Toastmaster knows that initial jolt of nervousness and fear that you get whenever you stand up to give a 'prepared speech' in front of a group. Your mouth is dry, your hands and knees shake, and you're mind goes blank. These are normal reactions that provides you the gift of increasing your confidence by pushing through them. By doing it over and over again, your fear of public speaking diminishes and you feel more comfortable communicating with people. Anything that improves your ability to communicate and makes you more comfortable around other people will improve your social skills. Toastmasters is trial-by-fire. For many, it's gut wrenching and terrifying. It's also incredibly courageous to admit your fear, face your deficiencies, and strive to improve.\n\nSecond, but isn\u2019t Toastmasters a speaking organization that focuses solely on public speaking with prepared speeches? How exactly does that help with social skills? The obvious answer is that being able to speak in public is a social skill. I\u2019ve heard comments from others stating otherwise, but I don\u2019t believe that\u2019s true. I think what people mean is that public speaking is a skill separate from \u2018one-on-one\u2019 communication with another person or a small group. In regards to Toastmasters, I want to point out why this criticism falls short. \n\nThe concept of a Toastmasters meeting is built around public speaking and prepared speeches, just like Apple is built around building technology products. There is, however, a lot more that goes into a meeting, just like there\u2019s a lot more that goes into Apple than just building technology. In Apple\u2019s case there\u2019s marketing, supply chains, office management, etc. Likewise, in Toastmasters, there\u2019s coordinating speakers, giving evaluations with constructive criticism, setting up meetings, performing feedback roles, and leadership positions in the management of the club. In short, to be a member of Toastmasters, you must interact with people to pull off a successful meeting. Unless there\u2019s a little more going on psychologically, interacting with people will make you more socially aware and build confidence. \n\nWill it help you overcome your fear to start a conversation with that cute guy/girl at the end of the bar? (I think this is really at the root of why many people criticize Toastmasters) Yes, it can. It can help you to start to lead a lifestyle where you face and overcome fear. The keyword here is overcome. It\u2019s very likely you, like any human being, will always feel social anxiety in a new or high stress social situation. There\u2019s no magic wand to make the butterflies go away. You manage them, not annihilate them. By exposing yourself to your social fears via Toastmasters, it allows you to develop strategies to deal with your fear. It\u2019s a trial-by-fire and you\u2019re learning to control the flames of emotion. \n\nThird, although not directly related to social skills, a criticism I often hear is that Toastmasters is full of old people, and it doesn\u2019t really relate to me. (As if socializing with older people doesn't really count as social!?) Pointing out that Toastmasters is full of old people is a valid criticism, but I want to add my interpretation. Most people who get involved with Toastmasters, young or old, get involved because they\u2019re at a certain point in their life and career where they recognize the need to fully develop their communication skills. Often times this is when they move into management or their job involves a high degree of thoughtful interaction with others. By thoughtful interaction I mean jobs or positions where your words and how you communicate take on a significant importance. There are simply less people in their twenties moving into these types of roles than there are in their thirties and beyond. But of the twenty year olds I have met in Toastmasters, I have typically found they hold positions with more responsibility than their peers. Furthermore, once people join Toastmasters, they tend to stick around because they recognize the benefit they get from it. This contributes to having an older demographic.\n\nToastmasters, like any organization, is not without faults. I\u2019m open to other programs for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. I do believe they\u2019re out there, and I\u2019m sure many of them are effective. (That\u2019s my straw-man :-p ) But, for a measly $30ish dollars every six months, I don\u2019t know of any other program that provides the same value for such a low cost. (Now I\u2019m knocking him down!) I\u2019m open to answering any questions about Toastmasters, but the best resource really is the website at http://www.toastmasters.org. \n\n**TLDR; Toastmasters is beneficial for building social skills and is a great bang for your buck. It can help you learn to overcome your fears, learn to socialize with others, and make you a better speaker.**\n", "answer": "I've done Toastmasters before and it's super helpful. I recommend it to anyone :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "109iht", "comment_id": "c6cgfvs"}, {"question": "Constant, unending exhaustion on abilify", "description": "I am an unemployed student on summer break right now and I would love to spend my time practising music, but I can hardly get an hour in due to constant fatigue. Is this medication related? I've been on abilify for a few years but only noticed the tiredness recently.", "answer": "If youve been on aripiprazole for a while and the dose hasnt been changed of late, it seems unlikely to be due to this. Might be worthwhile getting a routine checkup with your GP/PCP though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5hvbo0", "comment_id": "db3ifyy"}, {"question": "How do I get my therapist to medicate me? I am depressed, anxious, and constantly obsessing over intrusive thoughts.", "description": "I (24F) have been seeing a therapist for issues involving resentment of my partner, based off how they treated me in the past. I have been on antidepressants before, and Klonopin, but I stopped taking them. Every medicine I've been on has, eventually, made me feel like a numb, zombie living in autopilot. I have only been off then for a year but I have only gotten worse. The issues with my partner spiraled after they, more recently, hurt me. Basically I just feel depressed and anxious as hell and I have constant mental images and intrusive thoughts. At this point, I feel medication is the only way because just the act of therapy is not stopping the mental/physical torment I have been dealing with.", "answer": "Definitely ask! \n\nI'm really sorry to hear your past meds weren't helpful to you and had bad side effects. Meds in conjunction with therapy can be really helpful. Sometimes, after a long depression, your brain has to be retrained (this is a very simplistic version, I'm happy to explain more in detail if that is helpful ), to property start using neurotransmitters again.\n\nAnyway, for some people, medication can help rebuild neural pathways (there is lots of research on depression and neural pathways you can search) while they work on underlying issues. \n\nWith a few exceptions (like benzos) meds aren't effective enough to \"mask\" depression and anxiety symptoms. There is no evidence that typical frontline meds can be used as a crutch or change who you are in any way. \n\nDepending on where you live, most therapists can't prescribe medications . However, your therapist may be able to refer you to a trusted psychiatrist or other provider who can discuss medication options. You can let the psychiatrist know that what you tried in the past didn't help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0zn5h", "comment_id": "ftpdknr"}, {"question": "My cat-fueled realization", "description": "As I'm sure is the case for a lot of you, the end of the year is always a weird time for me. Chronic depression usually rears its ugly head and, like every few weeks or months, I try to battle it as well as I can.\n\nThis year, it was my first \"end of the year\" away from home. Well, I do feel home where I live, but you now, \"away from where I grew up\".\n\nI ended up not doing that well, but not fucking up everything, all things considered. My apartment is covered in trash, which I'm slowly but surely getting rid of (Finally cleaned up the kitchen today ! I can finally cook again. I haven't been able to approach it for about two months... Got two tables to clean up and about 6 bags of trash I've picked up to take out, along with a mountain of cardboard) and I've managed to completely fuck up my budget by overspending for 4 months straight (Food won't be an issue though. Got enough to last about 2 months).\n\nAnyway, as the title implies, I had a realization a few minutes ago. I don't think it'll cure me of anything, but it feels pretty great.\n\nIn early july, I adopted a cat. He was about seven weeks old, white ball of fluff with grey marks on the head, the back and the paws. For the first 12 hours at home, he was terrified. He hid under the couch and didn't move. I was patient and setup a bowl with food, another one with water, some toys, a litter box and I got mentally ready to leave him be for a good week, while he explores and gets used to his new home.\n\nI'll forever remember getting out of my bedroom the next day, about 12 hours after he came home, to this purring little ball of fluff that was waiting in front of my door for me to pet it and play with it.\n\nI don't know how, but, somehow, he'd adopted me in the span of one night.\n\nOver the next few months, every single day, he'd snuggle near me in bed, wake up alongside me and ask for food, some head pats and a little attention. Then when I come back from work, the same circus again, with more excitement and desire to play on his part. We usually end up the day by me sitting in front of the computer, him snuggled on the desk against my chest and purring like there'd be no tomorrow.\n\nAnd even we I have bad days and lose my temper (it's happened quite a lot lately), shout at him or punish him, he always comes back purring, asking for a snuggle.\n\nThat cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now. And so my realization of today: if something is able to love me so much, I may not be such a useless, trash human being. I may not know what he sees in me to have taken to me so fast and so much, but I now know there's \\*something\\* good in there. And it's a thing I think I'll be able to cling onto whenever things start to spiral downwards again.", "answer": "[Time spent with cats is never wasted. \n~ Freud](https://i.imgur.com/JIpF5uI.jpg)\n\n \n\n> That cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now.\n\nSo cute!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado2yj", "comment_id": "ediw87z"}, {"question": "Advice on where to look at while walking.", "description": " Sorry, I couldn't think of a better sub to ask but I'm gonna try my luck. I was too damn shy when I was younger, and now that I gained confidence these couple of years, I still have some 'basic' stuffs I haven't yet ironed out. \n\n\nSo question is... Where should I keep my eyes at while walking? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI often walk long stretches around university (alone most of the time) and this question pops up into my head repeatedly. Should I be looking at people far ahead or people near me? I enjoy looking at people, rather than my cellphone. I don't think that's creepy, but I wonder if people get creeped out by people like me? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAlso, sometimes when I inevitably make eye contact with women (at times a few seconds, I'm male btw), I try my best to casually look away without 'appearing like I got caught/ nervous'. Do women get offended when this happens? \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Keep your head up, look at where you're walking, straight ahead. If something or someone catches your eye, fine to look for a few seconds but don't stare for longer than that. \n\n\nAs others have said, if you make eye contact with someone, you can look away and keep walking or give them a quick acknowledgement whether that be a nod, a hello, good morning, etc. This last part is hard for people who aren't used to it, but if you practice it, you'll find yourself feeling a lot more confident in general and it'll be easier to actually start conversations with people when you want. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6jit1", "comment_id": "ejl1hf5"}, {"question": "Dengue", "description": "I want to travel to Madeira in a few days. I know there was an outbreak of Dengue in 2012 and there are Aedes mosquitos. I'm a little woried, because my dad has only one kidney left. What would you advice?", "answer": "\"Walking the levadas (ancient irrigation channels) can be challenging. Choose only the ones that are suited to your own standard of fitness and experience. Be prepared for narrow, uneven paths and heights. Wear suitable clothing and walking boots. Leave details of where you are going with your hotel reception and take your mobile telephone with you. Better still, join a group of walkers and go with a guide. Take extra care if it has rained as the ground may be slippery and unstable. Check with your tour guide or local organiser that it is safe to visit before setting off.\" (UK FCO travel advice).\n\nOtherwise have a good time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5hyq6c", "comment_id": "db3zxmx"}, {"question": "How to handle an apology?", "description": "I've got the apologizing part down, that's fine, but then what? Once you say I'm sorry, how does the conversation work? \n\nI'm asking because I just apologized to a superior for a mistake I made at work, and once that happened, the conversation turned really awkward. I mean, he took the apology and everything, but how do you respond to stuff like, \"I know it's really hard to apologize and I really appreciate you doing that\"? And how do you wrap up and get away if you have nothing more to say?", "answer": "I think a thank you is very appropriate, followed by a pause. If they don't say anything after a few moments, you can try to transition the conversation away from the apology, or try to conclude the conversation. Since this is your boss, you shouldn't decide the conversation is over--don't see \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Well, I'm going to get back to work.\" Instead, let your boss decide by saying something like \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss, or should I get back to work?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vmmyj", "comment_id": "c55zo64"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t feel stomach, body won\u2019t let me eat", "description": "26 White M 5\u20198 145lbs\n\nOkay I never know how to explain these things. I\u2019ve been having problems with my stomach lately and I can\u2019t find anything online. \n\nThis has lasted about 3 weeks \n\nHere\u2019s what\u2019s up: \n\n- Stomach starts to gurgle like it\u2019s hungry but doesn\u2019t, just stays as a gas bubble (I get excited when it rumbles)\n\n- Won\u2019t digest food properly, very slow\n\n- Constipated\n\n- Rapid weight loss (was 198 in March, now 145 if that has to do with anything)\n\n- Can\u2019t feel hunger or full\n\n- Have to force myself to eat\n\n- When I look at food, sometimes water, hunger/thirst feeling goes away (anxiety I guess?)\n\n- Nauseous \n\n- Thought I was going to puke a couple times, heaved but nothing\n\nBasically what I\u2019m saying is I can\u2019t feel my stomach, pretty much at all. I could go all day without eating and not feel a thing. It feels like a nerve could be damaged? It\u2019s like everything is just sitting on top of each other, going nowhere\n\nIndigestion? \nReally bad constipation? I used to have terrible OIC a long time ago, but I could still had feeling in my stomach. \n\n- Have chronic back pain, ptsd, depression, anxiety \n- Am on Gabapentin (1200mg 2/day), Norco (5-325mg 1-1.5 tabs/day, Cymbalta 90mg 1/day, Klonopin (only 1 .25mg at night now) \n\n- Went from taking 10-15 opiates a day to about 2-3 since around March. \n- I smoke weed to handle the withdrawals. \n\nIf I think of anything else, I\u2019ll add to this \nWhat could be going on?\n\nEdit: Added things\n\nEdit 2: Gastroparesis?\n\nUpdate: Doctor is referring me to a Gastroenterologist. Could be gastroparesis.", "answer": "Opioids, particularly with chronic use, can cause and worsen gastroparesis. It sounds like you're already reducing the amount taken, which is good. What isn't so clear is whether these are prescribed opioids, in which case there's an obvious doctor to discuss the problem with, or whether you've been acquiring and now tapering on your own, in which case I still encourage you to discuss with a doctor who's managing some of your other symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ec91er", "comment_id": "fbahm4z"}, {"question": "I need help but am extremely concerned about involuntary commitment to a mental health facility.", "description": "So as stated things are going off the rails in my mind but I'm worried that if I'm honest with a therapist they will not let me leave. It is my understanding that in Colorado it's a 72-hour holding time and one might argue that it's better for me if I'm concerned about it. I know that I pose no immediate threat to myself or others and have never intentionally hurt myself or anyone else. But I'm worried that if I tell a therapist how much I think about suicide they will disagree. I've thought about using strategies to try to get them to focus on other things or just minimizing the severity of the problems while building trust and allowing them to observe relatively stable activity with the hope of telling them the truth later. But I'm not confident I could effectively withhold information from a professional if I'm attempting to actually receive treatment and I believe this would be counterproductive. I know that getting help is the only way but another part of me feels that getting help might set me so far back that I should just figure it out on my own. So I guess my question is how concerned should I be? How often do you commit someone to a facility and what are the reasons you do so? And maybe, what will it be like if it happens?\n\nEdit: exchanged \"might be counterproductive\" for \"would be...\"\n\nEdit 2: changed \"my therapist\" to \"a therapist\"", "answer": "This varies a bit by license , but in general, in the US you can't be involuntarily committed unless you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. Seriously, the American Healthcare system CAN'T EVEN when people are in danger . Sometimes new clinicians are a little overzealous and freak out, but any seasoned clinician can tell the difference between despair that leads to suicidal ideation and actual suicidal intent. In any case, it takes several professionals to get admitted involuntarily. \n\nIn my state, I could LOSE MY LICENSE if I committed someone without plan and intent .\n\nSo, saying you think about it 24/7 is different than saying you have a plan that can be carried out. \n\nYou have the right to ask before you share anything. \"How do you decide when to voluntarily commit someone?\n\nAlso, it is kind of rare to be involuntarily committed in my experience. Most psychologists will give people every damn opportunity to voluntarily admit. I have seen paramedics hold people 's hands so they can sign after an intentional overdose. Even when we think you need to be there , most of us what your dignity intact as much as possible.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdiy3y", "comment_id": "fvlnaw5"}, {"question": "Relationship with Ex-Therapist is making depression so much worse. What do I do?", "description": "Everyone is telling me that my ex-therapist (we'll call him Calvin) is a pervert and a creep. But the thing is, he helped me so much when I was in therapy with him that I'm reluctant to report him, even though what he did was completely wrong (inviting me to his house, pouring me alcohol, making me stay the night, embarking on a sexual relationship). I tried to kill myself last year and have been through many different types of therapy ever since. I'm currently seeing another therapist (we'll call her Sally) who is urging me to report Calvin and get his license taken away, and my depression is so bad that I'm still having persistent thoughts of suicide. I'm struggling so much--I feel so responsible for not saying NO to Calvin and for being so attracted to him in the beginning. \n\nIf anyone has any advice, or has been in any sort of relationship with their ex-therapist before (Calvin and I were never intimate until therapy ended), it would help me very much to hear it. I've looked everywhere and can't find any information on relationships with ex-therapists, so I'm at a loss for what to do. I know I should probably report him, but I feel so responsible for our relationship, too. And my depression is just spiraling out of control.", "answer": "Calvin's behavior is wildly unethical on so many levels. There are reasons why therapists are ethically banned from engaging in any relationship outside of treatment, let alone romantic or sexual relationships. Clients are vulnerable in the therapeutic relationship and as thus the therapist has some power in that relationship, and engaging in a romantic relationship is abusing that power. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1l26x5", "comment_id": "cbvd176"}, {"question": "Dear friend", "description": "(tw suicide, maybe)\n\nLook, I know you have your own problems. You've been struggling with anxiety and depression this year, you've never been away from home before... I get it. It's shitty. I've been here for you. We all have. \n\nAnd I understand that you won't always have time/energy for other people's problems (even if you expect us to always have time/energy for you and yours). That's okay, and it's one of the reasons I try to stay positive around you. Not everybody is good at being a shoulder to cry on (even if that's something you pride yourself on, despite never really doing it).\n\nBut if I'm talking in a group chat about how I am trying to find a reason not to kill myself *at this very moment*, maybe you could try to hold off talking about your problems for five minutes. No, I'm being selfish. After all, not being able to find a jar of peanut butter is so much more important than your friend of 10+ years staring down a bottle of painkillers.", "answer": "I'm going through this issue with my best friend, who often \"one-ups\" the issues I complain about. I hope you feel better and have other friends that are better listeners.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264p5h", "comment_id": "chnvdsg"}, {"question": "a-ha quote: lifelong marketing lies", "description": "Good morning all,\n\nI was reading *The Naked Mind* this morning and came across a passage that really hit hard and I wanted to share it incase it helps anyone else. \n\n**\"When promoting alcohol, marketers sell a better human experience: relief from the human condition. And in doing so, we promise the opposite of what alcohol really provides. We sell happiness where there is pain. We sell romantic relationships when alcohol destroys healthy, fulfilling relationships. We sell sex when drinking deadens your senses and, as a depressant, actually decreases sexual desire, making it difficult to achieve erections and orgasm. \u2026. We sell stress relief when addiction derails your life. We sell increased mental capacity and creativity, yet drinking slows our brain function, resulting in less intelligent and creative thought.\"**\n\n\\-Annie Grace, *This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life* (pp. 83-84)\n\nIt's just insane to me how we have been sold a lie our entire lives about what alcohol is and how it affects the body and mind. Whenever I start to feel left out of this world of glittering champagne flutes that the media keeps pushing down my throat or the wine culture that tries to convince me that somehow a nightly glass of wine is as essential to being a 30-year-old professional woman as my sensible flats are then I know I can look to this passage to remind myself to pull further out and see the entire picture. Not just the filtered version that the alcohol companies want me to see. ", "answer": "Its amazing...i recently came across a very old yogs book which was published in the 60's. There, right in the middle of the book, was an advert for cigarettes. ... i couldnt believe it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8wtx37", "comment_id": "e1ywhwo"}, {"question": "Exercising is *causing* my depression. WTF is wrong with me?", "description": "I'm a 26-year-old male that's 5'8\" and 170 lbs. I've finally started taking my health seriously, so I signed up at my local gym about 3 months ago, and I've been consistently exercising 3 days per week since then. It's been the biggest damn mistake I've ever made.\n\nI've heard people rave about how exercise is the answer to all the world's problems at least 10,000 times before (conservative estimate). I've heard all the promises of increased confidence, happiness, energy, girls throwing themselves at you, solving world hunger, etc. So I figured I would give it a try. Unfortunately I'm feeling like I stupidly fell for a bunch of lies and snake oil.\n\nWhenever I'm finished working out, I always get hit with a really strong wave of depression. It's bad. During my drive home, I'm usually flooded with thoughts of sadness, self-hatred, shame, etc. I often start sobbing during my showers afterwards. I've even started fantasizing about suicide lately during these spells (even though I'm not clinically depressed and I've never once felt suicidal during my 25 years of not working out). I thought this might have been a temporary thing when I first started out, but it's only gotten worse over time. I hate feeling like this, and it's a really strong anti-motivator for exercising. It always feels like a punishment, never a reward.\n\nI generally stay hydrated, eat a halfway-decent diet (including right before/after workouts), and sleep 8 hours per night. I've heard all the by-the-book suggestions, and they don't seem to make much difference. I still don't feel good before, during, or after exercise. I've never felt a single second of pleasure, happiness, or \"endorphins\". I've only felt fatigue, pain, dread, and regret.\n\nSo far I've tried walking, running, weightlifting, basketball, biking, and racquetball. I haven't enjoyed any of these activities. I've even tried switching gyms and running/biking on different trails, thinking that the change of scenery might help. But that hasn't worked either. If I'm being honest, I don't see the benefit in doing this any more more. I'm not interested in looking \"sexy\" or whatever, I'm not interested in squatting 220 lbs, and I'm not interested in running a 10K one day. I'm only forcing myself to exercise because smart people say I should, but I can't keep putting myself through this suffering forever. I'm really close to running out of gas. If I become obese and die of a heart attack at age 50, then so be it.\n\nI've seen two separate primary care doctors about this. The first doctor just looked at me like I had 10 heads and said \"that's not supposed to happen\". Her only suggestion was to consult with a therapist. She didn't call me crazy, but I can take a hint. The second doctor ran a variety of blood tests (including thyroid function, testosterone levels, iron levels, etc). Everything came back normal.\n\nWTF is going on here? My experience is the 180-degree polar opposite of EVERYONE else's (and I'm constantly reminded of this all the time), but nobody seems to know why. I feel really discouraged and hopeless. I'm beginning to think my health and fitness is just a lost cause. This whole self-improvement deal has gone way down the wrong direction.... :(\n\nI know it's a longshot, but has anyone here ever heard of anything like this? Any suggestions or advice you might have for me? Thanks for reading.", "answer": "Is your depression caused by any sort of trauma? Trauma can be held somatically (meaning in the body) and sometimes things like exercise can begin releasing it, bringing up a lot of difficult emotions. Working with a somatic therapist or at least a trauma informed therapist can help. Yoga is also good as others have mentioned. \n\nYou might also try exercise that gets you outside in nature instead of the gym?", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "a27mi0", "comment_id": "eaw9r6n"}, {"question": "depression as nocebo effect?", "description": "I just watched this video on mass psychogenic illnesses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2hO4_UEe-4&feature=youtu.be where basically you get symptoms of a disease just because you are told you have it. I (and other scholars) view 'depression' as just an arbitrary list of symptoms (anxiety, inability to sleep, decreased energy levels, give or take)-- the cause of the symptoms being the controversial issue (chemical, psychosocial)...\nso then thought: if you just see it as a nocebo effect, that you get the symptoms because you are constantly told about these symptoms, then it all seems quite silly.", "answer": "You're making an incorrect assumption about depression's causality. Because you and your scholars view depression as an arbitrary list of symptoms, you assume that's what depression is. The symptoms of depression are not as vague and relative as you listed off. It has detailed phrases, and specific time criteria in order to meet a diagnosis. Most importantly, the diagnosis requires you to suffer from \"marked distress\" that's negatively impacting your everyday life, as noted by a diagnostician. Unless you have all of these things, and confirmed by a professional, you wont actually have depression.\n\nYou shouldn't form conclusions based on premises like that of \"psychogenic illnesses\". People can be persuaded into believing they have nearly any mental health diagnosis, so this occurrence doesn't put depression's legitimacy into question. We see this in nearly every field that labels human cognition and behavior. It's the same reason people go into hospitals convinced they have bird flu only after hearing about it on the news. Same reason (among others for this specific example) more parents believe their children have autism, We tend to believe the things we hear impact our lives.\n\nDepression can occur in someone for a handful of reasons. We know many people develop depression from trauma, chemical inbalances, etc. You shouldn't see depression simply for its nocebo effect. The nocebo effect exists, but it only exists in those that simply don't understand.\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3y9fav", "comment_id": "cybn7id"}, {"question": "Still sober at 640", "description": "Hello sober friends! I've been away from here for a while. I wanted to pop in and say hello, I'm still sober, still taking care of myself. \n\n640 days is where I'm at, and it's pretty neat to see the days, but I'm at the point where the days don't really mean as much to me as they once did. I'll take it as a good thing. \n\nI will not drink with you today! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hi 640 buddy! ... thanks for posting because its nice to see someone else who stopped the day I did having success and rediscovering the rewarding complexities of life that only sobriety can give. I will not drink with you today!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dct9jo", "comment_id": "f2d5rh0"}, {"question": "WOW... Did my therapist just explain away all my ADHD-symptoms by claiming I simply never learned how to cook/clean/be productive while growing up?! Oh yes she did!", "description": "Today my therapist finally explained to me why she doesn't think I have ADHD. I've told her about my somewhat dysfunctional upbringing, and of course about all my symptoms now as an adult, which is everything I read about in this sub and more.\n\nGuess what she finally told me? \"It's clear to me that you just never learned all these things (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, getting stuff done) when you were growing up, so you will just need to learn these skills now as an adult instead.\" I mean... WHAT?! I was so shook that I just sat there staring at her. I have never felt so misunderstood in my life...", "answer": "I think the problem people like this therapist have is that they don't quite believe their clients.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwwhf4", "comment_id": "f7n9dlt"}, {"question": "Do online therapy companies use EMRs? If not do they need to keep patient info?", "description": "Curious about how online therapy like talkspace goes through with this process.", "answer": "I have never used talk space, but state laws require that charts be kept.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3iln", "comment_id": "fxfi6fi"}, {"question": "How much helpful is psychotherapy in crucial decision making situations?", "description": "I am in a very bad situation (mental health) right now, and I need some advice to fix things. Is it okay to go for psychotherapy and seek out advice?", "answer": "Therapy can be helpful BUT you will want to seek out a therapist who uses a solution-focused modality if you are looking for someone to take a more hands on approach to help you \"fix things\". Seeking out advice is not something therapists ethically can dole out constantly. They strive to help give you the tools to make those decisions on your own. A solution-focused approach gives more support in this area compared to other approaches.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dwby3v", "comment_id": "f7i31y3"}, {"question": "I could not have done any of this had I been drinking", "description": "Last day of my vacation with my children. Driving home/hope. This has reaffirmed my humanity. This would not have happened had I not stopped drinking. I love my kids so much. I will not drink today.", "answer": "Well done. Holidays can be tough with kids in ways too... but definately not made easier by hangovers.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfyj8w", "comment_id": "eue9sle"}, {"question": "Cold getting worse.", "description": "Hello ! I am a 19 years old female and two weeks ago, I started to have a sore throat and I was coughing a lot. My sore throat stopped a few days after but the coughing was getting worst. I was coughing so hard to the point I couldn't get any air and I almost threw up a few time because of my cough. I went to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist what I could do to feel better. He told me to take Ventolin and Flovent (I do not have asthma anymore but still have my meds for it) and honey for the cough. I was getting better but on December 26th, I started to have a sore throat again and my nose started to drip. The cough didn't worsen but blood vessels in my eyes started to pop due to the constant cough. My parents suggested me to go see a doctor in case it's a pneumonia but I think it's just a bad cold. I don't know if I should listen to them or wait to see if it disappear.\n\nI also had a small fever (101.4) on December 22nd, 23rd and 27th. ", "answer": "Still sounds like the [common cold](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx) rather than pneumonia, though if you get shortness of breath then it would be wise to seek assistance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kyq3o", "comment_id": "dbrmpnp"}, {"question": "My Fianc\u00e9 wants me to get an abortion, yet i want to keep it, but i don't want to lose him. help.", "description": "recently my fianc\u00e9 and I just moved to a state where i've never lived. I have no family in the state animal friends with no job either but i am currently in college. he is also in college with no job but he's being paid through the army to go to school. He already has a child and is a very good father even though his kid lives with his ex wife. He's been wanting another one and we've always joked about it. About four weeks ago when i found out He was excited. super excited. but now that we actually got here and he's in school he wants me to get rid of it. I'm 8 weeks. i don't want to get rid of it but i don't want to lose him. i don't know what to do. ", "answer": "It's your decision 100%. This is a forever decision so be 100% certain it's the right one for YOU.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ynbeq", "comment_id": "dmongq6"}, {"question": "Can I Get Mental Health Advice Without Parental Knowledge? (UK)", "description": "Since I've just turned 16, I've decided to finally address an issue that's been bothering me for a while. My mental health.\n\nSo the back story is that, 2-3 years ago some bad things have happened, that I'd not like to go into. And recently I've been noticing the effect (such as anxious intrusive thoughts, mistrust, and for lack of a better term: unloading my struggles on them for help) on my interactions and relationships with people I care a great deal about. So I'm scared this is going to alienate them or cause them distress. Which would make me feel awful. Something like this has happened before and I've tried addressing the issue alone but to no avail. Loneliness has been an ongoing issue.\n\nAnother issue that is tied into this is my, bad moments, for lack of a proper term. These involve; crying, shaking, desperate thoughts, trouble confirming breathing, occasionally thoughts of self harm, irrational intrusive thoughts. And usually keep me up at night. These moments last an hour or two (and occur about once or twice a month) and I'd usually ask someone I trust to intervene though I'd like to ask a professional to help me find ways to stop burdening others with this.\n\nThese two issue in particular bother me, and have for the last 2 years. Though they've been getting better.\n\nBack to my question, my parents have shown a very cynical approach to mental health. Therefore I'd like to avoid telling them about seeking help. Though I'm not sure if there is a legal way to go about this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for hearing me out.", "answer": "As everyone else has said, you can speak to your GP in confidence.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76ee8j", "comment_id": "doe47y8"}, {"question": "How can I help my partner who feels unfullfilled in his job and has confessed to having suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Basically the title, It's been 8 years and I've handled his depression on and off. The current bought is because he *hates* his job. It's so hard for me to console him. I have no idea how to help him or even what words of comfort I can give him other than the usual I love yous, we will get through this, ect. \n\nI can't imagine my life without him and am terrified of him following through on his suicidal thoughts. I stay up most nights watching him breath in bed next to me, just bawling at the thought of him being so unhappy that he wants to end his life. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and scared. ", "answer": "These are all good suggestions. It may help for you to learn and understand more about what suicidal thoughts are. One of the books I typically recommend people read to understand suicide more is, \"Why people die by suicide\". It's fairly understandable as it is written for laypeople. \n\nWhile suicidal thoughts certainly are scary, the best things you can do, as the partner are the following:\n(1) tell him you want to know what and how he is feeling, (2) telling him that yes, it may be scary but you can handle it. And if it is overwhelming you know where to go for help (but you need to actually know. And a therapist is great for this)\n\nThe vast majority of people that have suicidal thoughts do not attempt suicide because there are many reasons for living that are stronger than the reasons for dying. Don't be so scared of thoughts of death that it becomes a barrier to enjoying things together and having a life. \n\nIt sounds to me like he really does hate his job. People can deal with miserable circumstances if they feel there is an end in sight (hope that things will get better). When there is not hope of things improving the risk of suicide shoots way through the rough. (This hope or the lack thereof is actually one of the best predictors of suicide that we know). As such, help him and support him to find things about his work situation that could be eventually better. (Getting more training, applying for other jobs, going to school, changing career, retirement...)\n\nMaking a connection with a therapist and having an established relationship with a helping professional that you and he trust will be helpful now. And most importantly, it will be even more important should things get worse. \n\nI think you are perhaps the person most in the world that can help and support your partner, I personally think it would be a mistake for you to not be involved in treatment. I have tried to make this response as brief as possible, happy to say more or clarify if you have questions. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "act78r", "comment_id": "edb2l4a"}, {"question": "Feminine Care and ADHD", "description": "\nFair warning, this post will be about periods and birth control. If that icks you out, turn back now.\n\nI\u2019m a female with ADHD. While there are many struggles this causes, I\u2019ve come to share the solutions I\u2019ve found for the things in my life that I can\u2019t let my ADHD interfere with.\n\n*Periods*\nThat time of the month has always been my least favorite (and I would assume it\u2019s the same for all people with uteruses that shed their linings). The worst is forgetting to change my pad or tampon. I\u2019ve been at work or school, too distracted by socializing or hyper focused on the thing I\u2019m working on, when I feel it. The leaking. My panties are ruined, and I\u2019m stuck with gross bloodiness until I can get back home and change.\n\nSolution: menstrual cup! I thought it would be gross at first, putting this thing inside my vagina and emptying out the blood it collects, but it turns out it\u2019s way cleaner than tampons or pads. I never have blood in my panties or on my labia. The best part- it only needs to be changed twice a day! No longer do I have to remember if it\u2019s been 4 or 6 hours since my last tampon change. Now, I insert the cup at 7am, I know it must be changed by 7pm. That\u2019s way easier to remember.\n\n\n*Birth Control*\nDespite setting an alarm on my phone, I could never keep up with the pill. I\u2019m married, and lack of impulse control has made me a bit risky with condoms. I know there\u2019s the shot and the implant, but all the friends I\u2019ve seen use those methods gained at least 30lbs. \n\nSolution: IUD! I was so afraid it would hurt, but I felt no pain at all. I took ibuprofen and did yoga breathing during insertion.\nThe best part- I don\u2019t have to worry about birth control for 10 years! It\u2019s the kind without hormones, so my periods and moods are unaffected.\n\nI just wanted to share some of my solutions for the things that were seriously impacting my life because of ADHD. I know these solutions might not work for everyone, but if you\u2019re suffering in the same way I was, I highly recommend you give these a try.", "answer": "Also, this post and comment thread needs to be much higher on the feed!! Women we need to upvote!!!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bplud7", "comment_id": "enw59uq"}, {"question": "My lady friend is back after 5 months aboard.", "description": "So my lady friend is back after being abroad for 5 months and I am very happy. I missed her while she was away more than I care to admit. We got brunch today and we talked for hours. It was very nice and I feel very happy. \n\nThat is all. I know this isn't the usual offmychest post but I'm so happy I just have to tell someone. \nIt's very nice.", "answer": "I'm on the same boat. 3 more months until I see her again! I can't wait! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "49kpme", "comment_id": "d0th2c0"}, {"question": "Day One Again.", "description": "Been subscribed to this subreddit for 4 years. Off and on sobriety the whole time. Longest I've ever lasted is 4 months. Once 30 days. Other than that barely one day. \n\n\nWent to a meeting today. Cried. I think I'm finally ready. Just needed to type that out for myself. No recognition needed. That is all.", "answer": "find your moment that keeps you sober and hold it true to your heart and remind yourself time again what that is and what it feels like both good and bad whatever. Its a mental memento thats important for the day to day stuff. I'm sober with you today.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4tawfy", "comment_id": "d5gdwk6"}, {"question": "Yep now my kitchen needs redecorating", "description": "So I was doing my son some toast under the grill but of course nature calls I come out 15 mins later to the wall behind the grill looking like scorched earth box of tissues and a magazine on fire luckily I was able to put it out kids safe which is the main thing but fml.", "answer": "Ugh I\u2019m so sorry that happened and glad you\u2019re all safe. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akmyok", "comment_id": "ef66dtw"}, {"question": "M21 super nervous/anxious for first date that's in 6 hrs and i don't know what to do", "description": "I posted before for advice on asking a girl out. But I never thought she'd say yes. I've known her for a few months now and finally grew half a pair and finally asked her. Tonight is our first date going to a restaurant. Since we're in college in the middle of nowhere and my parents absolutely refuse to let me drive even though im a senior and the girl just moved here so she has no car either my friend is kind enough to drive the both of us. Anyways im really nervous, anxious w/e.... My head is like stuck in a loop i don't think i'll be able to walk right when i see her. holy shit what do I do and any tips lol", "answer": "think \"one thing at a time.\" memorize a list of a few topics so you don't fumble in crunch time", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s8erd", "comment_id": "ddd3zda"}, {"question": "Depersonalization experiences?", "description": "Recently I remembered a traumatic event from my childhood (one of many lol) and I've been having a lot of feelings of depersonalization. Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "Yes, definitely. I could be wrong, but I think it is more common with complex PTSD. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5o872m", "comment_id": "dchd7if"}, {"question": "An open note to /u/AspieWarrior", "description": "I'm going to be incredibly blunt here, and I'm in no position of power to enforce anything or take an official stance, so take it as a rant or whatever. This is entirely from my perspective. \n\nThis subreddit, in my view, is for our fellow aspies to help each other come over our common obstacles and even our not so common obstacles; as well as I place of enlightenment so that we may learn just how much we are both hindered and assisted by our condition. Occasionally an interest thread my pop up and give us all a bit of extra insight into something. \n\nThe issue I have is appear to be attempting to claim this subreddit as a staging platform for your personal blog. I have just hit 5 running posts on my front page, all to different articles on your blog. If you want us to read your blog, introduce it, and yourself to us, make us aware of what you are trying to achieve, what the blog is specifically about, etc. \n\nEven then, only post links to any particularly large posts which grant insight, not random thoughts; or even better, let someone else post them. As it stands now you just appear (to me) to be attention seeking and/or karma whoring. \n\nIf anyone else has anything at all to say on this, please feel free to add it below. \n\nEdit: Please keep it civil. \n\nEdit 2: wow peeps, seriously calling him out on not replying to a post less than 4 hours old? People sleep and work ya know. Here is his reply. \n\nEdit 3: this was resolved a while ago. There is now no need to continue this. ", "answer": "HOW IN THE HELL is a guy with 38 karma \"karma whoring?\"\n\nHe probably posts more original content than 99% of reddit ever has, for that matter. Maybe you don't like the content. Well, downvote it. It seems people have already chosen that option\n\nHow is a guy with 0 karma points on almost all of his posts making it to your front page?\n\nDoes reddit work differently for you than everybody else?\n\nIf you did get 5 running posts by the same guy on your front page, how much does it harm you to scroll 3 extra inches down your screen?\n\nEven if this guy had the worst intentions in the world, he would still be merely \"attempting\" to use this subreddit as a staging platform for his personal blog.\n\nI would suggest you think long and hard over what you are allowing yourself to get worked up about. Does AspieWarrior have the problem here? It doesn't seem like it to me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "yncep", "comment_id": "c5xdb16"}, {"question": "I [20/m] have feelings for my best friend [21/f], don't know what to do.", "description": "I'm in my first year of university and have known her for about 8 months. I didn't realize I had feelings for her until 2-3 months ago. At first my response was to try backing off and hope the feelings would fade away. Usually that's what happens to me as I've only had long lasting feelings once before. But they didn't die and now I can't figure out what to do. I really don't want to risk our friendship because I value it a lot and a few of my other important friendships would also be hurt if my relation with her was hurt. I see her every day usually including the weekends.\n\nI can't go on like this because whilst I feel great being around her and just seeing her makes me happy. It hurts so much when I hear about her being with other guys and I get a little jealous just seeing her talking to guys. Sometimes this ruins an entire day. \n\nShe probably doesn't have feelings for me and I'm not sure of what kind of outcome I want. The best would probably be for my feelings to die, but she's quite amazing and I don't get these kind of feelings often.\n\nRight now I'm thinking about telling her or potentially ask a friend for advice, but both of those are quite terrifying to me.", "answer": "Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate and is mature, you'll stay best friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jsv6", "comment_id": "dgqygpo"}, {"question": "School isn't everything", "description": "With the start of a new school year (well here in Australia at least) I am seeing the usual crop of articles and facebook stuff about how important it is to do well in your final year of school. That final year, that is the year that will define you, or so they say.\n\nThere is a hell of a lot of pressure on school. However school with ADHD is hard, really hard. \n\n**High School WILL NOT DEFINE YOU**\n\nYou will hear some people tell you this, but everyone else will say you should study hard in high school otherwise you will get nowhere. \n\nIt wont define you. At all. \n\n**I know this for a fact.** When I did my final year of high school I was undiagnosed and did no work and no study, I had no motivation, I hated it, it was like being at prison. So no surprise when results came out I did not do well (For reference we have a system where the top mark is 99.95, which is the top .05 percentile and it decreases from there). I got 58, so I was in the 42 percentile (I think that is right lol, I didn't do maths past year 10).\n\nMy marks were so low I couldn't go to university. I went to TAFE (equivalent to a community college). I followed what I enjoyed and four years later I was doing law at one of the top law schools in the country. I was sitting in lectures with people straight out of high school who got 99.95. \n\nThat may not be the path for you. What is important is to remember **you are not defined by what you did in high school when you are 17/18 years old. Follow your heart and you will find something that you love and will crush at.** Everyone will be saying how important it is to do well in high school, but it isn't, and they don't know shit.\n\nMake your own path, whether it is transfer around to Uni, whether it is to work with your hands, whatever it is, follow your heart, not what your school and school friends tell you should be your path! It might take you a little longer to get there, but I guarantee you will be happier and better at it when you do!\n\n**TL;DR: High school does not define who you are. You can make your own path. No one knows what they want to do at 18, and not doing super amazing at high school will NEVER stop you achieving what you want in life.** ", "answer": "This. Thankyou.\n\nI didn't graduate and I'm a year away from being a registered psychologist and doing what I'm so passionate about. I've already achieved so much. \n\nMy mother in law keeps speculating what my daughter will do when shes older, a doctor, dentist, surgeon etc. It actually frustrates me because I couldn't care less what she does as long as she's passionate about it and it supports her enough financially that she can follow whatever her dreams are.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "amlp8h", "comment_id": "efnjo6y"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "e27bg1g"}, {"question": "My GF [27] wants a break with me [26M]. What do I do?", "description": "Hi all,\n\nWas hoping some of you could provide me with some of your thoughts on how to handle this tough situation. My GF and I have been madly in love with eachother for 2 years but have dealt with a number of obstacles along the way. Main issue has been that her parents do not approve of me and as such we've hidden our relationship from them for a long time. And basically this has always left our relationship in ambiguity (are we actually exclusive or not etc), as if we could be \"broken up\" any moment.\n\nRecently I had to travel for work for a couple months so we were away from eachother for a long time. I just came back and found out she had hooked up with a friend of hers for a couple times and had hidden this from me (she said she wanted to find the right time to tell me). We had a huge fight about it, I said some things I shouldn't have said, but we made up and stayed over at mine for the next few nights. We talked it all through and she said she just felt lonely and didn't mean to hurt me, she doesn't feel anything for the other guy and has already cut it off (her words). She said she loves me and really wants this to work but just often feels lost on how to make it work. She just wants a break for 1 week and we planned to meet again next week to discuss further. She said she needs some time to collect her thoughts. I love this girl to death, and know that often this is just the slow walk to an actual break up but I'd really appreciate your thoughts on what I could/should be doing during our break? I want nothing more in this world than to make this fixed again.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "guidelines for a break.\n 1 month. coffee 1-2/wk. no dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pvb8g", "comment_id": "dkshc9d"}, {"question": "Rejection Sensitive Disphoria and ADHD question (advice needed)", "description": "I don't know where to post this.\nSo i am currently on a trip with some friends and they posted an all together picture earlier (on social media) without me in it because i was over 1 hour late due to car problems.\nNow my rsd is going of the charts and im starting to hyperfocus on that thing only and not the current awesome experience we are having. My mind screams confront them about it but my heart says no.\nWhat should i do?\nI am still in the process of getting treatment for ADHD.", "answer": "I have experienced some intense RSD moments and it is super uncomfortable. It sounds like these friends mean alot to you and you mean alot to them (otherwise they wouldn't have invited you I assume). Only you can make the choice of whether to confront but before you do ask yourself what is the emotion behind the RSD trying to convince me? \n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "80qlte", "comment_id": "duxvtz5"}, {"question": "What do you do in this situation?", "description": "So say you walk into the cafeteria. One of your friends and his girlfriend are sitting alone together. You say hi to them and go to get your food. Do you sit down and third wheel with them or sit somewhere else by yourself?", "answer": "If it hasn't been established that you eat with them regularly and you don't get the vibe they're having a very personal conversation, simply ask them \"Mind if join you?\" \n\n\nLike so many questions in this sub, the answer is a simple, if you're not sure if it would be okay with someone, ask. :-D", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7b8rg", "comment_id": "ec1ufhv"}, {"question": "No Doctors Available, Possible Overdose Symptoms or Something Else?", "description": "I posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response. I am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and I cannot even get through by phone. Would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms?\n\nOver the course of a few days, I developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant. Though I can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so. This is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet I do not feel dizzy. My energy and concentration are suffering, and I feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. Oh, and I have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right.\n\nP.S. I had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began. I had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which I assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder.\n\nCould this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that? Nothing I can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof. And though at first I thought I was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after I ceased eating for a couple days, so I really have no idea... I suppose the lack of GI symptoms might rule out the cause being something I ingested though?\n\nI am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10\" in height, 180 lb, I do not smoke, I drink very rarely, I do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and I am not currently on any medication, though I do take vitamin and mineral supplements. I have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.\n\nP.S. I am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, I do not feel ill.", "answer": "Although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, I would recommend you see a physician. You need a physical exam, I can't give it through the internet. \n\nSpend all day on the phone to get through if you have to.\n\nPerhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmhc1z", "comment_id": "fl4jp37"}, {"question": "Afraid of endoscopic/pelvic medical procedures, doctors won't help me cope with procedure", "description": "When I was 5 or 6 I had ongoing symptoms of UTI so my mom brought me to a doctor, but there was no finding of bacteria. The doctor then gave me a forceful external pelvic exam, which meant they stripped my clothes off, and then rubbed some cream all over the genital urinary area while I was struggling. There was no pain involved, just humiliation since the whole time I was begging for a female doctor.\n\nI can't deal with needles, I can barely deal with pelvic exams, and only with one doctor who I know very well.\n\nA doctor wants to do a cystoscopy to me which is a procedure I wouldn't have imagined in my worst nightmares. The only way I could go through with this is if it was treated like a colonoscopy, which is I'm given something that would knock me the fuck out and I'd have 0 awareness of what was happening. No doctor I talk to will consider giving me GA, even though I read sometimes patients with sexual trauma need it, which I very much do. \n\nI have no idea how to convince a doctor to knock me out for the procedure, because they all have the mindset that I can leave their practice if I don't want to do it while awake. I'm on medicaid so my options are really limited to begin with.\n\nI'm also afraid that my experience as a child will just be put off as 'overreacting' if I tell them why I can't deal with them touching that part of me. I can't really say I've been sexually abused, because I wasn't. It scarcely fits the definition of sexual trauma. ", "answer": "It doesn't matter how someone wants to define sexual trauma. The fact is, your body and mind respond as if you have had sexual trauma, and that is very real. Trauma from a medical procedure is also very real. I have gone through it myself and I am commenting to remind myself to follow this thread. I've been putting off procedures for years because of my past trauma.\n\nYou know what really sucks? Basically, if you had all the money in the world and could purchase any insurance you wanted, you'd have no problem finding a doctor who would put your under GA for something like what you're looking to get done. You hand them money, they give you GA and the procedure, everyone walks away happy. Medicare has done a lot of good for a lot of people but it's so limited and at the end of the day, the treatment that is available to you is not the same treatment that is available to people who happen to have more money. \n\nIf you end up going to a different doctor, I would say that you've had sexual trauma and need GA from the start. The details of that aren't their business. Will your insurance cover it? I don't know. ", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5xdrnj", "comment_id": "dei8jbz"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe is classic BPD. But it's very common to have comorbid disorders -- mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, eating dis, OCD, substance abuse, ...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eolla7t"}, {"question": "When I take multivitamins I recall vivid dreams, does this mean I'm deficient? (27M)", "description": "I rarely take multi-vitamins, but when I do I invariably wake up remembering vivid dreams. Most of the time when not taking vitamins I don't usually remember my dreams. I've seen this correlation for years now.\n\nI was under the general impression that multivitamins are next to useless for people with decent diets. I subscribed to that idea hence why I rarely take them, however if they seem to cause such a marked effect on dreams that makes me wonder if they really are effective in other ways too.\n\nI had a google and found that B vitamins are known to cause vivid dreams or help recall dreams. But what I couldn't find out is if this effect on me suggests that I am deficient in them.", "answer": "Why would recalling vivid dreams necessarily be a sign of a good thing? I won\u2019t claim it can\u2019t be, but there\u2019s no reason to assume it\u2019s anything but an odd finding like riboflavin turning your urine bright yellow.\n\nThis is also the kind of thing that\u2019s highly subject to placebo effect. It would be fascinating to do a double-blind randomized controlled trial, but I don\u2019t expect it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fde852", "comment_id": "fjh4j3p"}, {"question": "How do i know if i got bitten by a snake", "description": "Age: 21\n\nGender: Female\n\nCountry: Philippines\n\nOther Diagnosis: OCD, taking lexapro\n\nI was walking in my backyard at night with my dog when a sudden thought occurred to me that what if i got bitten by a snack. I didnt feel intense pain or anything, just mosquito bites and the ants that were biting my feet. I was also walking with a flashlight to check what i am walking on but still the thoughts persist.\n\nIve been checking my feet and scratching them to see any bite marks but all that i do is making wounds on my feet myself.\n\nHow do u check if u have a snake bite, and should i go to the er even when i dont feel anything weird (just my anxiety) or have no puncture wounds at all?\n\nThis is not an emergency. I am just drowning with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and just need to know about snake bites.", "answer": "Snake bites hurt. You would not miss it. There\u2019s no point in checking any more than you would check to see if someone stabbed you while you were out walking in a city.\n\nTherapy can help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety like that as well, but hopefully this is one particular worry you can be reassured against.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i1tzoi", "comment_id": "fzzul1n"}, {"question": "How long does SSRI discontinuation syndrome last ?", "description": "So I've been off my medications for a few weeks now b/c I have no vehicle and no transportation so no way to get to a doctor for appointments etc to get medications.\n\nSeveral weeks later I am STILL getting the freaking brain zaps. Actual mood side effects, none that I can tell (other than being a bit easier for internet trolls to provoke), but it's getting somewhat nuts.\n\nAre these something I need to learn to live with, or do I have another several weeks of this before they subside?? Admittedly they're not as BAD now as they once were (what used to be a discombobulated near-seizure like jolt is now just an annoyance matched with a fraction of a second of blindness).. but it still seems like I've been off of the Zoloft for long enough that there shouldn't be any side effects.\n\nTo be clear, I didn't just go off cold turkey, either. I was at 200mg, then went down to 100mg, then 50mg, then 25mg.. then finally off. It was a gradual process. I had NO noticeable side effects until I got to the 50mg mark, but as I said, I was running out of my medications so I had no choice other than to keep going.\n\nUnfortunately, even [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome) hasn't been terribly helpful in telling me what to expect.\n\n... now the disclaimers.\n\nI know none of you are doctors. I am not seeking medical advice, merely personal anecdotes and stories.\n\nedit: Coincidentally, I threw my back out the day after posting this, and the muscle relaxers+pain killers got rid of the zaps completely. Even now that I'm not on the painkillers anymore (ran out, back still hurts, boo) and only take the muscle relaxers at bedtime (Flexeril REALLY puts you to sleep!), no moar brain zaps.\n\nSo, got my answer, but leaving the post up in case someone searches and has a similar problem. ^^", "answer": "\n\nWhat drug were you taking? You can find information about tapering off it [here](http://www.crazymeds.us/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/MedClass/SSRI?from=SSRIs.SSRIs)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wzj6j", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "[35/f] How do you ask out a doctor you only saw for a one-time issue?", "description": "I went to the ER a couple of weeks ago with a facial laceration and they called in a plastic surgeon to stitch it up. He was absolutely wonderful and I'm sure he's like that with most of his patients; I'm not an idiot.\n\nHad a re-check appointment and I just find him so charming. He's a few years older than me and as far as I can tell, he's not married. I have one more follow up in a couple weeks to check on the injury.\n\nI'm not planning on ever having any plastic surgery, and there's no reason that I would have to see him again as a patient. What would be the best way to go about asking him out sometime after my final re-check? He had sent me his cell number if I had questions in an email I sent when I had a question right after I saw him in the ER.\n\nI'm also totally fine with saying something about how I get that it's probably a complicated situation but I don't expect that it would need to remain doctor/patient relationship if I'm probably never going to see him again in a professional capacity.. ", "answer": "When you intend to never see him again as a patient, it is ok to ask him out. Actually, it was always ok on your end; it just wouldn't be ok for him to ask you out without terminating the doc-patient relationship first. In the psychotherapy universe, it is never ok...not even 50 yrs later!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ok3f1", "comment_id": "dkhyoi2"}, {"question": "Seeking Support: first mental health appt tomorrow; how to tell new doctor I believe I have BPD", "description": "I realize that this is not the place to speculate. However, I have done a lot of research and do believe I have BPD. I have been diagnosed with a gamut of things in the past such as \"adjustment disorder\" and an \"eating disorder\" but I haven't been to see someone in 4 years. I regularly fit many of the requirements for BPD in any given day. \n\nI'm horrified that this counselor won't take me seriously. I haven't slept well in two weeks since I got the appointment. I don't know how to bring up my concerns, and the specific incidences and make this person seriously consider what I truly believe to be my condition. \n\nAny tips for a first appointment? How to tell someone you think you have BPD, let them know you want them to just tell you if this is true so you can move forward?\n\nI'm equipped to deal with a diagnosis. I just want to know what is wrong with me so I can move on and I don't know how to communicate that in the first appointment... do I just come out and say it? What did all of you do?", "answer": "So? Did you make it? how did it go? did you talk about it? We don't have to know but I just wanted to let you know that I read this two weeks ago, saved it and wanted to check back in to see what you found. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4jtylb", "comment_id": "d3r9bp2"}, {"question": "Should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification?", "description": "My previous \"therapist\" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. She was terrible at her job. Is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? Sorry if my wording seems weird, English is not my first language.", "answer": "Psychologists, Social Workers, Counselors, etc are all required to provide a minimum number of clinical hours before they are licensed. In my state, it is 3000 clinical hours before you can sit for the LCSW exam. In order to learn how to help others, we all had to have the practice and experience to do it on our own completely. So yeah, its normal. \n\nI will say though, that not everyone makes a good therapist, even when they try really hard. Plenty of therapists are licensed and may not be the best fit with their knowledge and experience for you. Always take care of yourself and find another therapist if the one you have doesn't work for you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo7vu7", "comment_id": "fea9q08"}, {"question": "Character defects: judgemental", "description": "There is so much judgement inside me. People, politics, meetings, churches, anything and everything. It's like I'm \"playing God\" but can't stop. I've prayed, chaired meetings on the topic, talked to my sponsor, worked with others, etc., but nothing is removing this judgemental attitude I have. It cuts me off from others, from God and is altogether isolating. Anyone else been through this growing pain? ", "answer": "I was actually just discussing this with someone at a meeting last night. They said their current sponsor suggested not focusing on the character defect, because that continues to feed it, but instead directing your energy towards the character asset you want to replace it with. So, directing your energy towards compassion, love, and tolerance. \n\nI've also found it helpful to recognize that while I am judging I am actually suffering myself in that moment, and recognizing that other beings suffer in similar ways; that probably in fact the very person I'm judging has experience with suffering and struggling in a similar way that I am, and that this might be why they act in a way that can feel abrasive, obnoxious, etc.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "5iby35", "comment_id": "db7j3n5"}, {"question": "Could there be an underlying cause for my symptoms?", "description": "Good afternoon fellow redditors!\nI'm hoping that someone could shed some light or give me advice regarding symptoms I've been experiencing and if there may be an underlying cause responsible for them or if they are multiple issues. I recently went to a new doctor and she ordered several tests that I am waiting for, but a few I've already received the results for. Would like to ask more educated questions and request specific tests based in what may be causing my problems. \n\n\n\nMain issue that's bogging me down: fatigue. I am tired regardless if I sleep or don't sleep, if I sleep well or sleep poorly, if I sit on my butt and do nothing or have a really active day. To make a tech analogy, I feel like a phone with a battery that doesn't fully charge and then depletes way too quickly. This has been happening for about 1.5 years and is getting noticeably worse. \n\n\n\nOther big issue: recurring infections. Since the summer of 2015, I keep getting sinus or sinus related infections. My most recent sinus infection happened in mid November, which then progressed into an ear infection in December. I took 3 rounds of oral antibiotics and 1 ear drop medication and my ear didn't start feeling better until earlier this month (February). The ear infection is still not 100% gone, but it seems to finally be healing. My ear is now itchy instead of painful and I only have minimal discharge compared to the constant, heavy discharge of fluid I had before. I went to an ENT specialist and he said my sinuses look great and he suggested I investigate the possibility of immune/autoimmune problems if my sinus and ear problems persist. \n\n\n\n\nI have no idea if this is relevant or indicative of anything, but I have noticed black lines on my fingernails recently. They are very thin, black or dark brown perhaps, and vertical. I also have a very large brown/black spot on my right big toe that looks like I hit myself with a hammer or something, but I don't recall hitting my toe on anything. It is different from the lines on my fingernails as it is much, much larger and not in thin, vertical stripes. Can this be a sign of anything? Most Google results for nail related problems link to beauty blogs... \n\n\n\n\nOther things that might be worth mentioning:\nI just had multiple thyroid tests done and while my TSH and T4 were normal, I had an abnormal results for thyroid antibodies. The results showed a normal range of 0-9 but my results was just below 1,600. I have a long family history of hypo and hyper thyroidism in my family. \n\n\n\n\nMy white blood cell count is always slightly low. As part of my annual physical, I have gotten a basic blood tests. The normal range on the report is listed as 3.8 to 10.8 and in 2015 I was at 3.7, in 2016 I was at 3.6 and this year I wound up right at 3.8. \n\n\n\n\nI have normal iron levels, normal iron bindiding capacity but low ferritin levels per my latest blood test. \n\n\n\nI have a family history of thyroid problems, and heart disease and my father has diabetes as well as psoriatic arthritis although he is the only person in my extended and immediate family that has or has ever had diabetes and psoriatic arthritis while the thyroid and heart issues are wide spread in my extended family. \nI personally have no history of any medical problems other than eczema when I was a child. Unfortunately I do not recall the specific type but I remember that it was a fairly uncommon type of eczema most common in prepubescent kids. \n\n\nThank you for the input! \n", "answer": "Some demographics (age/sex/location/etc)?\n\nAlso - how is your day typically structured? Do you work?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vehpt", "comment_id": "de1hcpf"}, {"question": "Misinterpreting surroundings - what is this?", "description": "Dx: bipolar 1 (possible schizoaffective, bipolar type according to some docs).\n\nAge: 26\n\nHeight/weight: 5'5\", 103\n\nMy doctors are well aware that I experience hallucinations, particularly auditory ones. However, I can't tell if what I've been experiencing lately is a hallucination, delusion, anxiety, or what.\n\nI tend to misinterpret my surroundings and I have to use a lot of grounding skills to tell myself, \"no, wait. That's wrong.\" For example, I might look in one direction and see a shiny red F-150 pickup truck, only to do a double take and realize it's just a tiny black trashcan, even though both of those things are different colors and even though trashcans and pickup trucks look nothing alike. \"I could've sworn that was in the shape of a huge pickup truck. I saw all the details of the truck, including the black scrape on the side and the bird shit.\" I may also hear wind blowing and then it sounds like bells are being played simultaneously or someone is screaming simultaneously. Then I say, \"wait. That can't be true, can it? Or is it?\"\n\nI also had this thing where people at work were talking and I could hear my name being spoken. For example, if my name is Robert, all i heard was \"Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert.\" No other words. Just my name being said repeatedly. Then I said to myself, \"no, that can't be true. Why would they be saying my name repeatedly? That's not even a conversation. That makes no sense...\"\n", "answer": "Hallucinations are possible with either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder; having them in the absence of mania or depression would point more towards the latter. Hallucinations can be upsetting or just odd. Although they're seen as *the* symptom of psychosis, often they're actually often not very impairing unless they're particularly distressing.\n\nThe term \"illusion\" is used specifically for mis-perceiving rather than perception with nothing there at all, but it's mostly associate with altered level of consciousness or lack of clarity and rarely like what you describe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8da5hl", "comment_id": "dxlqv6z"}, {"question": "Why lie? Apparently, because it's easier.", "description": "Has anyone else developed a sort of \"lie reaction\" due to ADHD? I feel like I lie about crap all the time - \n\n\"Did you do x?\" \n\n\"Yup, I did, that's done.\" \n\nNo, it's not, but I totally forgot and will go do it immediately so you don't find out about it. It's created issues with my work, partner, and finances. I feel like an ass for doing it but I don't even think about it first. I thought it was a teenage thing but I never outgrew it.\n\nBut then again, I might just be a jerk.", "answer": "I lie for absolutely no reason. I'll tell a story and just make shit up. I do not know why.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bpek4x", "comment_id": "enw5gwv"}, {"question": "Found a video my gf took of herself masturbating on her phone, how concerned should I be?", "description": "Throwaway account because my gf has Reddit.\n\nI want to start out by saying that I understand it is extremely unethical to snoop through a significant others phone however I have severe trust issues and doing so has saved me from getting into a marriage that would have ended up destroying me. I realize I have issues I need to work on but I don't need to be reminded in this post.\n\nQuick backstory, we are 27-28 years old living together in an apt. We frequently talk about marriage and have been together for almost 3 years. \n\nWhat I found is a 1:30 long video on her phone of her getting off using her vibrator. This video isn't for me and she obviously doesn't need it for herself so who is it for? Why keep a video like that on your own phone? \nHow concerned should I honestly be about this and should I even bother asking her about it?", "answer": "Now that you've snooped, just fucking talk to her about it. There's no unshitting the bed now that you've secretly sharted. \n\nAlso \"I only snoop when I'm scared\" is next level nonsense. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6en6i8", "comment_id": "dibirkg"}, {"question": "Reputable online listing of current ADHD medications for adults?", "description": "31F, rest of info is not relevant to my question. Asking here in case my post gets removed from the pharmacy subreddit. \n\nI am restarting ADHD meds after several years and I would like to see a publicly accessible list of ADHD medications available in the US. I need to research what's currently covered by my lovely (/s) insurance company before my next appointment with the NP so I know what options I have to choose from because what I'm on now sadly isn't working. \n\nDoes the FDA have this option? I tried googling a bit and WebMD (*shudders*) came up, along with Medscape, but I was asked to sign in with an account. Is Medscape a good resource? Are there other resources you can recommend?\n\nMany thanks, and have a great day! \n\n", "answer": "The problem is not what is approved for ADHD but what is in your particular insurance's formulary\u2014which medications they specifically have decided they will pay for without a doctor picking a fight with them. For that you probably want the insurance website, but even as a doctor I usually find it unhelpful, incomplete, and out of date. Good luck.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zotkh", "comment_id": "e2kcqii"}, {"question": "Waiting for him to contact me first in order to give space?", "description": "I'm gonna try to make this quick, me (f25) and my ex (m28) are dating but are not official we were together 6 years, broken up for about 4 months. Because we aren't official, I can't get mad when he doesn't call, ect. However, last week, I asked him to call me on a certain day to set up plans for the weekend, and he didn't, so I did get upset. He got all upset because he's set up this rule that we can't see each other more than once a week because he's afraid of being official just yet and doesn't want to rush things. Fine, I'll respect that. I last saw him Sunday, called him Monday because I was feeling anxious about something and just needed to ask him for clarification. He was a little annoyed at it, at first but told me he saw where I was coming from. Have not heard from him since. On Friday we had a little argument, and he still texted me later that night to say hi...so I would have thought I would hear from him by now, as he's been texting me pretty much everyday. I'm wondering if he'll contact me tonight, as it's been a few days. \n\nI want to contact him because I have a lot of good/cool things I want to share with him, but because I want to give him his space and make him worry about me if I haven't contacted him first (I'm usually the first to contact) I'm hesitant. But, I'm just worried if I DON'T text him he'll just think I'm losing interest, but, the other day I made it pretty clear that I was all on board for getting back together officially when he was ready. I've read other posts where guys have said that if you want to contact him, just do it because if you don't, it shows disinterest, however, this situation is a little bit different. Am I doing the right thing by just waiting for him to contact me first so that I've given him some space? \n\n**TL;DR** Dating ex bf, but we are not official, I usually contact him first, but now I want him to contact me first so I can give him space. Wondering if I should go for it or if I am doing the right thing since I don't want him to think I'm disinterested. ", "answer": "In the short term, I would respect his space and not completely bombard him. It's difficult because you have all this history but essentially you are that beginning of the relationship period of not wanting to come off as too clingy or needy while not letting things fizzle. You have stated your intentions though, so he knows.\n\nI would also consider if this is worth going through all that nervousness and unsureness again to try this relationship out again. To me personally, what you've described of his behavior sends off red flags for me, but I don't know you or him personally and your relationship together so I can only speak of my opinion. I would suggest for you to consider if this is worth going through or if you are going back to him because of the familiarity of the relationship\n\nIn the long term, I would honestly suggest if you both are invested in your relationship working to go to couples counseling. There is going to be A LOT of baggage from being together six years, breaking up, and getting back together. For you both to get off on a good foot this time around and not let that baggage get in the way, I think would be highly beneficial to work through any of the issues that led to the break up and help to establish your relationship together now in a healthier mind frame.\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1diu2k", "comment_id": "c9qr2q1"}, {"question": "me and my bf, 30's. stupid fight, no agreement, feeling resentful.", "description": "we fought because reasons. I think he was being insensitive he thinks I was being unreasonable. whatever. \n\nwe fight about it, no real conclusions are made. we both share how we feel and why we feel that way and what was going through our heads when we said what we said. \n\nbut there is no resolution. he still doesn't think what he did was rude and I still think he was really thoughtless and blew me off. like its not a big enough deal to keep fighting about it or anything but it's just on my mind. how do I resolve this? with him or myself?\n\nTL,DR: had a fight, no clear right/wrong, no real apologies. how to move on without feeling resentful?", "answer": "Ah... this is the crux of a long term meaningful relationship. This is what separates maturity from immaturity. Sometimes, there IS NO clear resolution. You simply feel differently about something, the way people feel differently about god or abortion. The answer: you have to look at the totality of the relationship. We're all a package deal, and the couples who can let go of stuff because the bulk of the package is so wonderful, are the couples that live happily ever after.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9wev", "comment_id": "dkfqr9e"}, {"question": "Unreciprocated \"I love you\"", "description": "My boyfriend [M, 25] and I [F,23] have been dating for 9 months, with 4 months being long distance across the Atlantic. Our relationship will be trans Atlantic for 1.5 more years, with the occasional visit. Before I left and after dating for 3 months I told my boyfriend that I love him. I was expecting him to say it back but he did not. He acknowledged it and appreciated me telling him but said he didn't want to say it until he was ready. Flash forward 4 months of long distance and we're finally together on a month long Europe trip. Again, I expected him to say it here with the romantic settings in Italy but he did not. I told him at the end of the trip that I love him, but he said he still wasn't ready to say it back. I tried not to let this affect me/our relationship but doing long distance is hard when you're unsure if your boyfriend feels the same way. He acts like he loves me and long distance is so easy with him, which is why I'm confused. What should I do? Should I be worried over this? \n- confused girlfriend ", "answer": "If he can't say it after 9 months I'm afraid he never will. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6k4caq", "comment_id": "djj7tof"}, {"question": "Should I just accept the fact that I have no real friends and probably never will?", "description": "Is there any point in letting this get me down?\n\nI have no real friends IRL. The only \"friends\" I have aren't even really my friend's their my fiance's friends, and he's closer to them then I will ever be so it doesn't even count. I used to have friends, but they have all screwed me over in some form (I'm sort of a pushover). I had a best friend for almost 10 years but she stole my grocery and phone bill money so I had to stop being friends with her. I also have social anxiety disorder so trying to make new friend's is the equivalent to walking on hot coals for me. I come off as bitchy or weird to people because I'm too nervous to start conversations with people and just wait for them to talk to me, which rarely happens because of said reason. My social anxiety isn't something that I can just shake off either which people seem to not understand when I tell them it's difficult to make friends. I'm in college now and I'm stoked to be there learning about something I love. But from a social standpoint I'm uncomfortable in my own skin while I'm there. Being around people my own age makes it even worse. During lunch break I just wonder around all by myself awkwardly hoping people don't notice me and think I'm a total freak or something. \n\nI've been really letting it get me down the past few months, and I'm tired of feeling sad over it. When something goes wrong in my life I can talk to my fiance about it, but sometimes I just wish I had another women to talk to stuff about because somethings only women can relate to. Or if me and my fiance get into a bad argument, I have nobody to talk to about it and I just end up going insane and taking it out on him even more.\n\nI don't know anymore. Should I just face the facts that I'm meant to be friendless and try to live a happy life regardless or should I just get my hopes up that somebody will befriend me only to be let down over and over again?", "answer": "The discomfort you feel may be caused by by a physiological reaction to perceived threat. There was a project in Russia to discover the physiological differences between wild animals and domesticated animals that took place over 50 years. Wild arctic foxes were bred to select for lack of fear of humans by choosing the least fearful of each litter as determined by the pups response to the entrance of a human into the pen where they were kept. At the end of 50 years of breeding a completely tame fox that was as curious and friendly as a golden retriever was developed. The difference between the tame fox and the wild fox was the secretion of the hormone oxytocin. I suggest to you that you are a little wilder than most other people and that you can tame yourself the same way that wild horses are tamed. The technique is called progressive desensitization. This will take some time. In the short term, you can practice conscious breathing, and dramatically slow down your breath while in the presence of others while simultaneously making mental notes of the details of the other peoples appearance and mannerisms.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2fp7qa", "comment_id": "ckblgqs"}, {"question": "Besides getting clean and staying clean from drugs, what is 'recovery'? And could you recommend any books on it that aren't only focused on substance abuse?", "description": "I've often run across the word, and it seems to encompass a whole swath of lifestyle changes and attitude adjustments that accompany people who are dedicating themselves to sobriety. \n\nMy best friend is in rehab right now, and for another few weeks. I'm so totally proud and supportive of her in this. She's inspired me in a lot of ways in my life, and her getting clean and out of the hole she's been falling into has also inspired me.\n\nI'm not an addict. I do use various things, and abuse various things at times, but not on a regular basis. Even without addiction, there's a lot in my life that needs fixing. A lot that needs help and attention and if i'm not using the word incorrectly, recovery.\n\nSo I'm now clean and I'm devoting myself to my own sobriety, and to healing my life. At the same time I'd like to support her as she works to heal her life.\n\nSo I guess basically what do you consider to be 'recovery' and are there any books or online resources that have been useful or enlightening to you with recovering from a damaged life, that aren't focused entirely on addiction and treatment?\n\nOr maybe i'm totally confused about the use of the word 'recovery'.", "answer": "There's some good discussion of the nature of recovery in here already, so I'll just add that The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has been helpful in maintaining my recovery.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5kkxs5", "comment_id": "dbp88iw"}, {"question": "Is it normal to want to hook up with girls but not go on dates? 23/m", "description": "I'm not sure the title of my request for advice accurately represents the situation that I find myself in. \nI am 23/m and I know I'm not a bad looking chap. In fact, I've been quite successful with girls. I've never had a date that hasn't concluded happily ;) I love hooking up with girls at parties or at the bars, but when it comes to going out with someone on an actual date, I always find myself being nervous about it, no matter how attracted I am to my future date. I usually cancel, and that too with a carefully crafted story that I make up. Basically, I lie. But when I do go on dates I make sure everything goes perfectly and I feel that's why all of my dates have been great. It's just getting across the first hurdle. \nAlso, despite the fact that I am actively looking for someone to be in a proper relationship with, I rarely ever go on second dates.\n Is this something normal? How should I deal with it? Should I just accept that I will die alone?\n\nThank you for your help.", "answer": "hook-ups are simple and straightforward. relationships are complex and take time. sounds like you're a little nervous about the dating process. if you can identify more specifically what kind of nervousness is preventing you from getting past the first 'hurdle', i think i can help. feel free to private message if need be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvywm", "comment_id": "ddx9rqc"}, {"question": "My PCP told me that there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis", "description": "* Age 21\n* Sex M\n* Height 6'3\n* Weight 167\n* Race White\n* Duration of complaint 2 weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body) Liver and stomach\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) Elevated ALT levels in blood and pain inside the v shape of my chest bone\n* Current medications (if any) ClonazePAM, Seroquil\n\nI asked my doctor if the blood test would detect Alcoholic Hepatitis and she said \"well there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis\" then I clarified by saying \"inflamed liver caused by alcohol consumption\" then she said \"yes\" but multiple websites online mention alcoholic hepatitis. So is she wrong or not?", "answer": "Hepatitis is medical-speak for \"inflamed liver\" so yes, this seems like a strange kind of nit-picking. Strange enough that I would argue it deviates from standards; after all, we have medical jargon so that we can be clear with each other, and doctors all know, or should know, what \"alcoholic hepatitis\" means.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9qgo2h", "comment_id": "e8939cs"}, {"question": "Losing my virginity and I\u2019m a bit nervous", "description": "There\u2019s this guy that I\u2019ve been talking to and that I really like, he recently asked me if I would have sex with him and I said yes because I want to also. However I am a virgin and 18 and am really scared about becoming pregnant, I\u2019ve already got condoms but I can\u2019t afford birth control or plan b. Am I just over thinking things and everything will be fine? Or are there other precautions to take to make sure I don\u2019t get pregnant? Help me out reddit", "answer": "You should be good as long as you have that protection. If you are extra nervous about it, you can buy pregnancy tests to use after to double check.\n\nIt's good that you both talked about it first, don't feel like its weird that he asked - in fact its a very good thing and shows that he respects you enough to make sure you're ready. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable - be sure to let him know. It'll be a little weird and awkward but it can only get better as long as you're both respectful of each other and communicate what you want (and what you don't want) to do.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "cw6p5h", "comment_id": "ey8qovl"}, {"question": "Sertraline to Treat PE", "description": "32/M. 5'10\" 190 lbs.\n\nMarked NSFW just in case.\n\nI have been suffering from PE for the last few years of my marriage. I have been with my wife for 10+ years and I do not remember when exactly the issue started but it is a problem every time we are intimate. I have tried several different behavioral methods to combat the issue but to no avail. My wife says it is not a problem but it affects me greatly because I feel that we are not getting the full satisfaction out of intercourse.\n\nI recently started seeing sponsored ads for Roman on my social media and saw that they offer solutions for premature ejaculation. I was intrigued and the price for medication seemed fair. I went ahead and took their 25+ question questionaire and I was recommended 25mg of Sertraline. \n\nI looked into the medication and saw that it is the generic of Zoloft. I did not sign up for the service yet and simply saved my info for later if I would like to move forward.\n\nWhat risks would I be running by taking this medication? I do not suffer from depression and it worried me that this is an anti-depressant. On the flip side, the PE is negatively affecting my life and the physical connection I have with my spouse.", "answer": "Antidepressants won't have much effect on your mood if you're not depressed. Sertraline has a pretty benign side effect profile. There's sometimes weight gain, but not more than placebo. There can be GI side effects (nausea, diarrhea) or headache, but again, they tend to be mild and go away. The most common side effects of sertraline are sexual, which of course is the whole point in your case.\n\nBut \"might be\" is still not definite. Delayed orgasm is common and would be helpful. Loss of libido can also happen and is less helpful. Still, those effects end when you stop taking the medication. It's worth talking with a doctor about it. The use is definitely off-label, but it's low risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9xhhph", "comment_id": "e9seuqm"}, {"question": "Is Graves Disease an STD? Or Contagious in any other way?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n30/m. 177lb, 5'9\". No other medical issues going on at the moment. \n\nI recently had unprotected sex -intercourse and receiving oral - with a woman who has Graves disease. I am concerned by the possibility that Graves disease could be an STD, or is contagious in some other way? Can someone help me out?\n\n\\*sry in advance if this seems like an ignorant question. I have already done my own research, and while I haven't read anything saying Graves disease is an STD, I haven't read anything specifically saying Graves Disease is NOT an STD, or anything specifically saying Graves is NOT contagious. So I'm looking for someone who can specifically answer my question.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "It's an autoimmune disease. It's not contagious in any way, and in particular not sexually transmitted.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cizay8", "comment_id": "evaarim"}, {"question": "My daughter (4 months) has some kind of vaginal discharge?", "description": "4 months old baby girl, as of last week 24.5\u201d tall and 11 lbs 12 oz. Mixed white and Asian (Indian). I just noticed this today while changing her diaper. She peed while I was changing her, and then after I cleaned her up, a small amount of whitish liquid came out. It almost looked like normal vaginal discharge for a grown woman but she is an infant and never had any before that I noticed. She does have a small vaginal skin tag if that\u2019s relevant. I\u2019m worried maybe she has a yeast infection or something similar? I tried calling my insurance\u2019s advice line but they don\u2019t have her on their records yet so I will have to try to get that fixed tomorrow.\n\nShe is breastfed and doesn\u2019t have any medications other than vitamin D drops. She did recently get her 4 month vaccines. I have a picture but due to the nature of the complaint would rather not post it publicly. I can PM if you are a verified doctor. I just want to know what this might be and if it\u2019s urgent enough to take her to urgent care or if it can wait till tomorrow. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "Please don\u2019t post a picture! Even though it\u2019s for medical use, this is not a protected medical context and that would run afoul of child pornography laws. Such photos should only be sent to her doctor(s) through official and secure channels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jyy56x", "comment_id": "gd8wagl"}, {"question": "How to and where to get testing.", "description": "I'm kindof stressed out right now and not really sure what to say in this. If I calm down later or tomorrow I'll try to come edit this to a better explanation but thank you in advance to anyone who responds. \n\nOver the past 3 months, I've been recommended that I get tested for ADHD or a similar attention disorder from 2 separate people who have it, both drawing on experiences they've seen me have and guessing at past experiences I've had that were right on the money that tie into symptoms if ADHD. Ive had thoughts in the past about this but have just brushed them aside thinking this is how everyone gets, but the more I talk with people who and do my own research I feel that I may actually have this. \n\nBut I don't want to self-diagnose or throw myself into a self-induced panic spree again, so I'm looking for options for testing and diagnosis from some sort of professional, just so I can have concrete answers and my feelings and concerns confirmed or assuaded. I've been putting this off for so long but this is the only way I can think of rn to start the process of looking and holding myself accountable. \n\nThank you", "answer": "Where do you live? It's different in different countries where you can go.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bzlboo", "comment_id": "equhexq"}, {"question": "First Relationship", "description": "So I'm in grade 12 and I finally asked who I liked out, and for prom. It's the second day we are dating and we kept it on the low down (test the waters first) and I am wondering if texting her everyday i.e. After school about meeting up or something is too much? \n\nAlso any advice in general is welcome this is my first relationship \n\nEdit: had to do it on a throwaway cuz my friends know my main account, also is it too soon to start saying good morning and good night cuz I already did that e.e?", "answer": " that's fine. by asking, you can find out where she's at...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67pqgs", "comment_id": "dgs8bhx"}, {"question": "I don't need to be giving my therapist some kind of....Christmas gift type thing, do I?", "description": "Not sure what the protocol is. I've only been seeing her for about a month and a half (4 sessions).", "answer": "Therapist here: No, we don't expect presents for Christmas or other holidays.\n\nPersonally, I will accept Christmas cards, and do accept very small presents when a client finishes therapy. However, my organization prohibits me from receiving presents with any real value (say, more than $5). \n\nIf you feel compelled to get your therapist something, your safest bet is probably a Christmas card.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1t4mgw", "comment_id": "ce4u957"}, {"question": "a question about Zika", "description": "I went with my dad to Jamaica at the beginning of April before I had heard of any confirmed cases of Zika there. Now there have been several confirmed cases there. I again didn't hear about this until I did some research after I got my wife pregnant in July. I do not want to cause her to panic if there is no need. We are going to the OB/GYN next week. What advice would you give for this situation?", "answer": "Just mention it to the doc. I'd be surprised if you were even exposed to the virus, and id be surprised if it changes the care your family need. But hopefully you'll all be reassured.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xfpj8", "comment_id": "d6f3ne1"}, {"question": "Horrible HIV anxiety. Need a little calming down.", "description": "I'm an OCD sufferer with a horrible amount of anxiety around my fear of contracting HIV. I've had the fear for a couple of years now. It comes and goes based on situations I feel I'm at risk. I was at a party last night and I did a hit from a joint and afterwards I realized my friend who passed me it had a little dried blood on her fingers from a cut. I immediately began having that stomach turning feeling and thought, oh god what if she has it and I got it? She did a hit before me and I was second in the circle.\n\nLater that night my panic attack set in and I told her my fear and told me she's clean etc and calmed me down. She is a good friend of mine and she definitely isn't someone who sleeps around or anything.\n\nI just wanted to ask for a little help and reassurance (I hope) and maybe some info on how likely it would be that transmission would happen etc. if I start googling I'll send myself into another panic attack. Help me reddit. :( I feel pretty alone in this.", "answer": "Thankfully- HIV is pretty hard to transmit. Even if your friend had been HIV infected- that casual contact you had wouldn't put you at risk. Basically- she would have to be positive with an open cut, and touch you in an area where you have a fresh cut- and even then it isnt likely to transmit.\n\nInstead of googling diseases, maybe you should google a good local therapist?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "s9ief", "comment_id": "c4g0vji"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t fall asleep even when tired, because my body wont stop moving around.", "description": "16F, 160lbs, 5\u20193. Autistic. \n\nI\u2019ve had sleeping problems pretty much all my life but never quite like this. \n\nI go to bed at 10pm like I usually do. I can\u2019t get any sleep despite trying the whole night. I get up at 6am because I don\u2019t feel tired at all and feel like itd just be a waste trying to fall asleep anymore. This is a pretty common occurence. \n\nAt around 11am I start to feel really tired. I try to take a quick nap but I just won\u2019t stop moving, and I can\u2019t control it. I roll over multiple times, twist my legs into different positions, so on so forth. This prevents me from falling asleep even when I am extremely tired. Sometimes this happens during nights too, and I can\u2019t catch any sleep. I am also way too tired to actually do anything but I cannot fall asleep.\n\nWhat should I do?\n\nEDIT: I do not drink coffee or any kinds of energy drinks.", "answer": "It sounds maybe like two problems here. One is sleep and sleep hygiene with day-night reversal. You can\u2019t force yourself to fall asleep when not tired, but then you\u2019re tired in the daytime. CBT for insomnia (CBT-I) has some tricks that can help with that. One is, counterintuitively, trying very hard not to nap during the day so you will be tired enough to sleep at night.\n\nThe other problem is the movements. A sleep specialist can be helpful, but a good first step might be having your primary care doctor (pediatrician?) check iron levels. Anemia is one of the common causes of restless leg syndrome, and that\u2019s treatable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzaqf2", "comment_id": "fzjh239"}, {"question": "How did you go about choosing your career?", "description": "Currently a construction estimator, cant stand it mostly. But I literally have zero clue what I could keep my attention on everyday. Everything I think of I feel like couldn't hold my attention long enough. I feel like I dont belong in the workforce. What careers fit someone who has (yes like most adhd people) the ability to only focus for short bursts, as opposed to all day? Every career option makes me painfully nervous about being successful at it or it keeping my attention the whole day. I also have anxiety interacting with customers (Not so much employees) as a part of the job?\n\nI was good at being a UPS truck loader way back when as it was just \"React\" to box coming in and make a wall out it. But I don't want to do a warehouse job.\n\n**Other careers I've attempted and did NOT enjoy, and sucked at:**\n\nElectrical Apprentice\n\nElectrical Estimator\n\n\n**I have no degree, but did 3 semesters of Electrical Technology degree (Don't care about using it for a career in anything Electrical anymore), didn't finish as I got accepted into the union early at the time**", "answer": "For myself, I have always wanted to work with helping people but was not sure how to go about doing that. What helped me was taking a career exploration course since i found it interesting. They did some assessments to gauge what careers match with your skills and interests. I actually found it was more fun to help the other students find out their passion! \"AHA MOMENT\"\nI now currently work in education but am also completing my Masters to go into Marriage and Family Therapy...want to eventually work with adults who have ADHD like myself! \n\nThe good thing you have going is that you already have some ideas of what you DON'T want which can help weed out careers", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60wi7g", "comment_id": "dfa16ua"}, {"question": "Can a brain aneurysm birth defect be caused by a drug addicted mother during pregnancy?", "description": "My 25 year old brother suffered from a ruptured brain aneurysm and stroke last night. His father said it was a birth defect and it got me to thinking that it was my birth mothers drug use during pregnancy that caused it. I tried to research it but I didn't find anything. Is her drug and alcohol use the cause of this?", "answer": "It's a risk factor, but you can't be sure if it were the cause in individual cases.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5713pd", "comment_id": "d8p9qnb"}, {"question": "Friend needs a therapist, and I want to know what this specialty is called", "description": "Hi guys!\n\nI have a friend who recently left a very toxic family and religiously traumatic situation. She was homeschooled and disallowed from many public interactions until she escaped at age 23. Her family was extremely poor and had a large amount of children, who she was forced to take care of as the oldest child. Many of these children had mental issues and learning disabilities.\n\nShe was also abused by her parents, particularly when she did something which was religiously disallowed. Her mother was emotionally abused by her father and her siblings were beaten for their mental disabilities (undiagnosed).\n\nShe was devoutly religious until about a month before she fled. She found solace only in playing video games online and learned how to socialize and about the \"real world\" from popular media. She says that because of this, her interactions with people are limited and she feels emotionally immature in her mid-20s. She is currently in a better situation and pursuing a degree in nursing with a significant other she had met online. \n\nAs she was sheltered from a normal life, normal people, and was not allowed to interact with those outside of her faith. She was forced to stay devoutly religious every day for her whole life. She feels lost and confused.\n\nShe has tried several therapists, but felt that they didn't quite understand her as well as she would like, but did praise them when they offered her decent life advice. That got me thinking - is there a specific type of therapy for helping people learn emotional depth and help with human interactions who came from sheltered communities or situations? Is there a specific specialty she should look for when seeking a therapist?\n\nAppreciate any and all advice.", "answer": "Someone trauma informed and trained, with knowledge of complex trauma", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ftbnbl", "comment_id": "fm63w6d"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [mid20sM] and I [mid20sF] having sex/libido issues. [Nsfw]", "description": "We've been together for 2 years and I love him a lot. We are great together and both definitely see a future together. \nI've been in past long relationships and understand sexual lust slowly eases away once you're comfortable and you have to work to keep it going. \nMy bf hasn't been in a long term before and is having trouble understanding why my animalistic urges towards him are fading. We still have sex (more chill) but it not being SUPER HOT and all the time is hurting his feelings because he still has the fire for sex with me while I have a kitchen burner but not a campfire for sex. \n\nI think it's normal in a long term relationship but he doesn't believe me and wants to work on getting the super hot, super frequent shit back but honestly, I can't be bothered and I don't think it can come back. \n\nI don't want to break up and he said he wants to stay together even if we had less sex, but if it's possible to bring it back- he wants to. I don't want to hurt his feelings or ego. He is handsome and sexy to me but he's hurt that I'm \"less attracted\" to him sexually. \n\nHow to I find a happy place in between our wants and libidos? I don't want to always feel guilty like I'm not giving him enough because I know we're well within normal ranges, just not courting levels. :/ \n\n", "answer": "every couple, old or young, has to find common ground. no right answer. if no pressure is best for a sex life, it means the person who wants it less should prevail. of course, there a zillion mitigating factors; health problems, drugs, excessive masturbation..you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5r29pg", "comment_id": "dd3y1hb"}, {"question": "Do I need a referral from a primary care doctor to see a specialist for lower back issues?", "description": "30M, 5'11, 168lbs, Caucasian, no meds or prior major health concerns. Dealing with chronic lower back pain.\n\nI don't have a primary care doctor. I never really get sick other than the occasional head cold. I did try to establish one two years ago. I went to him for 1 physical, and then he moved away. I want to see a spine specialist, but do I have to get referred by a primary care doctor? Since I don't have one I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?\n\nBackground:\nI have had consistent lower back pain for as long as I can remember. I have a vivid memory of being like 8 and waking up one morning and telling my parents by lower back was sore. I can't remember when it began exactly, but I know it started when I was young and has just gotten progressively worse over time. I have had it so long that I have no idea what not having lower back pain feels like, but it is getting to a point where it is really starting to limit what I can do. It hurts most before bed and first thing in the morning, but it bothers me all day as well.\n\nThe best way that I can describe the pain is that it feels like my two lowest vertebrae right at the base of my lumbar have no disc between them. It feels like it's bone on bone. No matter what position I lay in, it hurts. When I bend over forward it's a very strong pain. My muscles are tight, but it feels like something more. If I lay in bed on my side and tense up my hips and rotate my waist a little bit I can feel those vertebrae shift as though there is very little support, like they are loosely just sitting in there. It constantly aches.\n\nThe weird thing is that I am very active. I run a lot, I lift 3-5 days a week. I run 11 mile tough mudders with my wife. Those things don't bother my back as much as just standing in one spot, walking long distances, sitting down, or leaning over and picking up any weight over 20 lbs where my back is engaged more than my legs. I have learned how to adapt my body to do lifts and wear a back brace on days where do I light weight squats or shoulder exercises\n\nMy dad, his two brothers, and his mom have all had surgery to help with spinal stenosis. It runs in my family and my sister says she has lower back problems too. Their symptoms seem different than mine though. I don't have numbness in my legs or butt. I just have an ache that I can pin point to my spine and the surrounding muscles remain sore at all times.\n\nThank you in advance for any feedback you can provide.", "answer": "Whether you need a referral for specialists depends on your insurance policy. It's not something we can answer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "akw7xb", "comment_id": "ef8h5m7"}, {"question": "I'm underemployed and nobody listens", "description": "I'm 24. 20-fucking-4, and I've never had a proper job. I've only ever worked part-time in a kitchen. \n \nI love my parents and really do appreciate them supporting me since university, but I've become so, so depressed, that I can't bring myself to look for a real job anymore. \n \nBut nobody listens. \n \nI say \"I'm depressed\", and I'm told \"You just need a job\". \nI say \"I feel like I can't do anything\", and I'm told \"You just need to try harder\". \nI say \"I fucking hate you and I hate myself and I hate everything\", and I'm told \"You should appreciate us more\". \n \nI just want someone to say \"Let's talk about your depression, because it's obviously the root cause of your apathy\". \n \nBut nobody cares. I'm a selfish, lazy, and even manipulative child in everyone's eyes. I don't want to be unemployed, and I don't want to live with my parents, but I just have no emotional energy left for anything anymore. \n \nI'm always helping my mum through her emotional breakdowns, but I get nothing in return. \n \nI've started to contemplate suicide - not to actually die, but just so that people can see that I'm not lying; I really don't want to live like this - but is that in itself manipulative? Is everyone right? Am I just a lazy child?", "answer": "Have you tried opening up to anyone else besides your parents? Have you tried mental health services, like a therapist or psychiatrist? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "62l7qx", "comment_id": "dfnlc47"}, {"question": "How do I convince myself that I'm worth some self-care?", "description": "I've been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks to help me through a pretty bad depressive episode. We've started to talk about the practice of self-care but what I haven't been able to vocalize properly is: I don't feel that I'm worth treating myself properly. If that makes any sense... Does anyone have ways of tricking the brain into thinking yes, you do deserve to do nice things for yourself and to take care of yourself? ", "answer": "I struggle with this too. One thing that helps me is that I work in a helping profession. So while there are some days that I don't feel worth it, I remind myself that I must take care of myself in order to help others properly. I sort of trick myself into self-care. And then the reward I get from helping others can decrease my depression too. I also try to counter every negative thought I have about myself with three positive thoughts. It helps because I am very self-critical. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8lf6x5", "comment_id": "dzf7vne"}, {"question": "Need someone to talk to.", "description": "So I've been struggling to get a girlfriend for 4 years now.\n\nHad a girlfriend that's now a model, dated for 2 years and we broke separate ways. Ever since then, I have had legit 0 luck finding a girlfriend \n\nEither the girl has a boyfriend 60% of the time, 20% they leave me on seen, 20% they have a baby/pregnant and ???? What the fuck?\n\nI'm love deprived, can't focus on life, worried I'll be single for a looooong time. And ive been looking since the breakup. No results. Not even come close to one. Closest I can get to with a girl is a friend, not even a good friend.\n\nNow about me I'm actually attractive, been told I'm super sweet numerous times, and I do try my best to be kind and caring.\n\nBut I'm LITERALLY AT THE BOUNDARY OF PAYING FOR A RELATIONSHIP???????\n", "answer": "you never know who will cross your path in life. keep at it. maximize opportunities to talk to new girls. dating sites, recreational activities, anything..... the more you talk to the better your chance.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6agtfu", "comment_id": "dhehisi"}, {"question": "Mental Health and diet", "description": "[**HERE**](http://meatheals.com/category/mood-mental-health/) are 51 testimonials from people whose mental/emotional health was benefited by a carnivorous diet. (It is multi-paged.)\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/depression/) are four interviews with people whose depression cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/anxiety/) are five interviews with people whose anxiety cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n(There is a natural overlap between the previous two sites since anxiety and depression got together like two demons in a whirlwind.) \n\nDr. Jordan Peterson described his depression as how one would feel the morning after if their entire family had been killed. Carnivory healed him completely.\n\nSearch for \"ketogenic depression\" and \"ketogenic anxiety\" and \"ketogenic mental health\" and you will find the same sort of testimonials, interviews, blogs and even science. Carnivory is so new and has so few adherents that science has not yet gotten around to studying it.\n\nWhen the blood sugar is steady, when one is eating a proper diet, one's mental health is bound to improve. Will it become perfect? Who knows. But I would rather work at improving my mental health than sitting around arguing about what works best or how much it works. Plus there is the side benefit of improving one's physical health. The divide between mental health and physical health is bogus.", "answer": "Well the book The Mind-Gut Connection by Emeran Mayer, MD talks about how to keep the brain-gut communication clear and balanced to:\n\n\u2022 heal the gut by focusing on a plant-based diet\n\n\u2022 balance the microbiome by consuming fermented foods and probiotics, fasting, and cutting out sugar and processed foods\n\n\u2022 promote weight loss by detoxifying and creating healthy digestion and maximum nutrient absorption\n\n\u2022 boost immunity and prevent the onset of neurological diseases such as Parkinson\u2019s and Alzheimer\u2019s\n\n\u2022 generate a happier mindset and reduce fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, and depression\n\n\u2022 prevent and heal GI disorders such as leaky gut syndrome, food sensitivities and allergies, and IBS, as well as digestive discomfort such as heartburn and bloating\n\nI'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I'd rather follow the pioneer of this research field. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkmE31QUU4o) is one of his Ted talks about the brain and gut microbes. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wf9ac", "comment_id": "e1v5w4q"}, {"question": "Me 25[f] crush on work colleague 24[m]. In relationship, please help.", "description": "Hi all, I know this question sometimes gets a bad rep, so please be kind; I'm reaching out for help. \nI started work recently at a new company (2 months ago), and have started developing feelings for someone who I work with. \nNow I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and I love my other half. He's great, there is nothing wrong with our relationship. \n\nHowever, I've started developing feeling for another guy. I didn't think this would ever happen, I have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't do that to someone as I know how much it hurts (my ex routinely cheated on me)\nI feel sick with guilt over liking another guy, and I feel this is impacting my current relationship. I don't even have this other guy's number or have him on social media, but I am ridden with guilt for even liking him. I get butterflies/ fast heart beat whenever he's around and it's ridiculous. I can clearly tell he likes me too which makes it even worse. \n\nMy question is, what do I do? Will this crush go away? What if it doesn't? I'm not a horrible person, I don't want to leave my boyfriend for someone else and I definitely wouldn't initiate something whilst in a relationship. I just want to be able to eat something because my guilt is making me want to vomit on the daily. ", "answer": "Been there. It SUCKS. But it does get better, it takes time and distance. You may have to work with this person, but you can go out of your way to keep the contact to a minimum. Also, give yourself a break about those feelings. They're a completely natural response to human attraction. The feelings aren't the problem, it's what you do with them.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71xtm5", "comment_id": "dne92n5"}, {"question": "Broke Up with girlfriend over these Red Flags; was I justified?", "description": "I broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week because my girlfriend (23) of 4 months made me feel repeatedly uneasy. I (22) tried to speak openly and plainly about the way her actions made me feel and throughout each instance she was able to convince me to reconcile with my anxieties but only for the moment. Here are the Red Flags: \n1)She tells me she loves me for the first time while she is hammered at a wine tasting event, at that same event flirts with the server and gets a free wine glass\n2) I pick up her and her friend from a girls night out at a bar- she gets in the car laughing and clapping and excitedly exclaims she \"even got his number!\". When I asked her about it the next morning she got upset and said it was nothing. \n3) Christmas Vacation - She lives in Philly and hits up her ex boyfriend to take of her cats while she's away for a few days; she meets up with him at a bar and they have dinner and drinks alone\n4) Ex boyfriend invites her out to kareokee at a bar a few nights after they go out and also suggests she stay the night if she gets to drunk and she considered it.\n5) She deleted her text messages with her ex boyfriend from before the new year of 2017, after she said she didn't care if i saw the texts between them. \n6)I'm going to the Army and whenever I ask direct questions about how comfortable she is with the commitment she says she \"doesn't know how she will react but believes it will work out\"\n7)She keeps in contact with a neighborhood friend [Male, 30] she fell in love with when she was 15 or 16.\n\nShe always made me feel like it was my fault for being insecure but are these signals good reasons for me to feel overbearingly so? She also had a shady past with her roomate [Female 23] who would not talk to her anymore because of a situation involving her and ex and my ex. There always seemed to be secrecy and a lack of transparency even thought she said she wanted the same things as me. Her actions didn't add up. I appoligize if this is like word vomit but I feel it will be easy to look at the information i've put thus far and make a judgement without including a lengthy bio. I miss her and I'm afraid I've lost her but I know I made the right decison. Just looking for others opinions i guess.\n\nEdit1: Just some more details for you all - She did shut me down when i would try to discuss my feelings in a number of ways; she didn't want her roommate to hear, or she just didn't feel like discussing it because we kept -and this is another red flag- repeating the same arguments, or -another red flag- she was too tired and drained and it triggered her anxiety. When I did have an oppurtunity to voice them she would just say okay and mhm and she would try to reasure me nothing was wrong without plainly speaking about what was going on and what her intentions were, it always felt like something was amiss. \n Another story for example: After the New Years (after she had told me she would be a perfect girlfriend and make things better since the ex bf situation) there was an art auction in Philly. She expressed interest and I was like cool. Then she slips in the \"oh and i was invited by my ex's best friend\". So i ask a few questions and it turns out he was going to be there selling art. She did not make that clear at first. She eluded to it and waited for me to ask questions - as if to gauge or test me. That did not feel good and as I tried to probe her about it she shook me off as if nothing was wrong even though I clearly expressed concern about the relationship between them two. It was like she cared about my feelings as a person in general but did not care enough to do something about them, like putting my feelings first. I cannot and would not ask her to change in that way for me which is why I ended it. I was really upset at first because it seemed like she wanted to try to make it work but it just didn't make sense and my gut feeling was screaming at me\n\nALso THANKYOU to the people who replied and spent the time to read my post. Sometimes I need to discuss my thoughts and I dont have a whole lot of people who I can trust to talk to - and I need variety. It's just the diplomatic side of me but thanks anyway to you all\n\nEDIT 2: Thanks everyone. It's easy on the ears to hear all of that, I know I'm not crazy. Of course it's never easy to break up with somebody you love so I'm psychologically dealing with that right now but I do believe it was for the best. \n ", "answer": "absolutely. i wish more reddittors were as astute as you at reading/seeing red flags and taking ACTION. i'm a therapist; the biggest problem out there is passivity. good for you my friend~", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pbabv", "comment_id": "dcpteef"}, {"question": "Do I have Rabies?", "description": "So last week I read a post on reddit that explained how dangerous and terrifying rabies is. Later that day I had a minor headache, nothing super painful just head discomfort, and I thought \"oh shit\". I don't remember being bitten, but because of the potentially long incubation period and the fact that bat bites can be hard to notice, I started worrying. Today I have had more frequent 'mini' headaches, small discomfort no major pain, and I've felt 'unwell' which is a symptom of rabies (along with the headaches). I have a virtual doctor's appointment tomorrow at 4pm so i can see if it might be something else (COVID-19 possibly), but I know that if it is rabies I am a dead man walking. I guess I just wanted to ask to see what others thought, I know its the classic \"googling your symptoms and you now have cancer\" but I'm naturally an anxious person so now I've been fretting over it.", "answer": "Unless you have known exposure to bats, which you don\u2019t mention, the best fitting explanation is escalating anxiety. You were a little bit worried, which made you more aware of symptoms, which made you worry more, which made the symptoms more pronounced...\n\nIt can be hard to notice that you were bitten *if you were exposed to a bat*. Rabies doesn\u2019t just come out of nowhere from bats you never perceived. It\u2019s a rare disease in the US.\n\nMost headaches are, of course, not rabies. They\u2019re headaches from fatigue, hunger or thirst, awkward posture, caffeine withdrawal, or sometimes nothing identifiable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzjri3", "comment_id": "fzjg7e9"}, {"question": "Need help diagnosing this girl", "description": "So I was on Omegle last night not doing anything particular. All of a sudden this naked girl appears and I naturally assume it's a bot. As it turns out, she was not a bot but a very real girl and this was her first time showing off on Omegle. I hit the jackpot, right? I asked her if she had been forced to do this in any way (losing a bet or something) but she said it was of her own will. She went on to take a bath whilst talking to me and this is where the weird things begin...\nTo start off, she is very pretty and has an amazing body. Really hot in short. She starts teasing me by playing with her boobs and seductively sucking on a fucking banana. She added me on skype and we continued from there. Sure, this was a very pleasant experience but also really weird, I mean why would she do this? Here's some info I got out of her:\n* She is soon to be 18 (so no pics, sorry!) \n* She's being bullied at school but says she doesn't mind.\n* She doesn't take any meds and hasn't received any psychological or similar treatment.\n* She has some issues with sarcasm but not that bad. She is able to joke and read people's feelings to some extent at least. \n* She is almost asexual! She had never had an orgasm, been with a boy in any erotic way whatsoever and she never fantasize about sex or any such thing. I asked her if she liked boys and she said yes. \n* She is completely oblivious of her own looks. She sincerely thinks she is ugly and fat (far from it). I provided her with symptoms of body dysmorphic disorded but she didn't think many of them applied (maybe 2 out of 10). \n\nI said it would be a good idea to see a psychologist so that she could talk to someone but she didn't think that was necessary. So, anyone here has a clue what diagnosis she might have (if any)? \nFor some reason, I can't create bullet points. ", "answer": "You, and anyone else on the internet can't diagnose. But you are being a little ridiculous. It doesn't sound like there are any problems with her, and you're over reacting. A lot.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2xcbq0", "comment_id": "coz190n"}, {"question": "Can repressed memories become un-repressed?", "description": "When I was 24, I was in a nasty car wreck. I suffered a TBI and a subdural hematoma around my bifrontal lobe. Less than two years later I had seizures related to injuries suffered in that wreck.\n\nI didn't remember any of that. I'm 30 now, and I don't want to remember any of that. I've read online of the spontaneous recovery of traumatic memories. How likely is that, particularly given the circumstances of my head injury?\n\nIn case you need to know, I'm a white male, 290 lbs and take 1000 mg Keppra 2x", "answer": "The idea of traumatic memories being repressed has significantly fallen out of favor. Traumatic memories are often fragmentary and don't come together in \"watching a video\"-like quality of most autobiographical memory, but it's rare for their to be nothing at all. What's common is loss of memory after head injury, and that isn't recoverable. In your case, perhaps, fortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbcwb1", "comment_id": "eki11ug"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (23f) is depressed over professional life. How can I (23m) help?", "description": "My girlfriend and I met during a networking conference in October 2015. We ended up working in different areas of the same company and starting on the same day. I'm having a great experience in a really cool area. She had a nightmare of a boss and quit 6 months into the job.\n\nWe get along incredibly well and I love her more than I ever imagined loving anyone. However, she and I both value our professional life highly. She is a very hard worker, and very smart (graduated 2nd in her class at a prestigious school). It had been her dream to work for a large company forever. She's kept spreadsheets of the best companies to work for since she was 15, and my company was always one of her top picks. After leaving, she went into an awful job, quit, and is now working for a smaller company. Her job is not the worst, but she is extremely unhappy about the entire situation, and feels as if she threw away years of her life preparing for something that hurt her, and sent her back a couple of years in terms of where she is professionally.\n\nShe cries more than once a day about it (usually by herself) and though I have tried multiple times to talk to her, I can't stand seeing how much self-harm she does by holding on to the belief that one can only be happy professionally at a large corporation. Her family holds this belief, and seeing me grow professionally in her old company doesn't help. \n\nEvery time I try to talk to her about the issue, we end up having a very emotional argument and I feel like I'm not helping her. \n\nWhat can I do? I don't want to break up with her, but seeing her this way is bringing me down daily. At the same time, I know that feeling is very selfish, so I desperately want to help her. \n\nShe is very dismissive of help. She has seen a therapist, and a career coach and they both folded in and essentially said they didn't know how they could help her.\n\nHelp me help her, please ", "answer": "she saw a bad therapist. shop around; you'll find a great one.\nhttps://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rr2y3", "comment_id": "dd9liut"}, {"question": "What is this? (CW: Traumatic memories mention)", "description": "I get these moments where I either can't stop remembering a traumatic experience or I imagine a whole new traumatic experience that hasn't happened. \n\nI lay awake and can't help but imagining the worst things. Fights with my family, my family yelling at me, etc. All very realistic but it hasn't happened. \n\nIt's all very upsetting but I can't turn it off. My mind just keeps making these sorts bad day dreams, waking nightmares. Even if I stop myself it just resumes, and I can only distract myself for so long. \n\nIt's like the events of my past aren't good enough trauma that my brain needs to make up new situations that are unlikely to happen. I hope its unlikely anyways. \n\nThe closest description I have is intrusive thoughts, but worse, because they're vividly detailed and play out almost in real time in my head. \n\nIs there a term for what this is?", "answer": "Yes. It's called negative rumination. It's characterized by obsessive intrusive thoughts that often times people feel powerless to control. They can be both real and imagined.\n\nNegative rumination over a long period of time can prove hurtful to mental health because of things like lack of sleep, lost motivation, feelings of sadness and anxiety, etc. Tends to start due to anxiety and can evolve into other things if not managed. \n\nIf it gets to be too overwhelming, I'd suggest starting a conversation with your family doctor to explore some options on addressing it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d44eaf", "comment_id": "f07ssf2"}, {"question": "I've tried everything to get someone to like me and failed. I'm ready to destroy my body", "description": "Soon to be 18 years old and I've never been in a relationship before. I was pulled out of school twice last year for suicidal and homicidal thoughts (I admitted I had plans to shoot all the couples and married teachers at both of our major school dances) and struggled to meet people being at an all-male school and not being particularly outgoing.\n\nI eventually got over the fear of rejection and started going to lots of underage drinking parties and hitting on girls from other schools there. I got rejected and embarrassed by everyone I approached and starting spiraling back into isolation and violent anger.\n\nFast forward to now and I'm ready to give life another shot before I start planning to go postal again, but I want to be better prepared.\n\nI have a connection to a dealer who has a lot of high-power steroids and has given me a suggestion for a \"stack\" to try it. This would involve taking massive amounts of testosterone enhancers through pills as well as injections in both my arms.\n\nDo I need to destroy myself to get accepted or will this fail just like everything else has?", "answer": "What are you hoping to accomplish with the steroids? It sounds like a terrible idea and you seem to see it as essentially self destructive yourself. What you should do is to get into psychotherapy, like for anger management and depression. You should join a mindfulness meditation group. To use a star wars metaphor, this anger is the 'dark side' and there is another and better (ultimately more satisfying) way to work with the intense pain of social rejection that you are almost certainly trying to cope with here. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "534fy2", "comment_id": "d7q2pt2"}, {"question": "Are there ANY books with adult FEMALE protagonists on the spectrum?", "description": "I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman with Asperger's. (The character is more than loosely based on me.) I'm wondering...is this a first?\n\n**I should clarify that by \"protagonist,\" I mean \"main point of view character.\" :-)**", "answer": "I'd like to say that I think you should do this even if it is not a first, if only because the best books are written by people who \"write what they know.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26mp5r", "comment_id": "chsrkib"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckfb8pj"}, {"question": "I need someone to tell me what is this problem with my penis", "description": "20M, 210, 6', Caucasian, No medications, problem (as described below) has been going on as far as I can remember\n\nI can\u2019t retract my foreskin. I always tried when I was younger and always was painful and could never fully retract. I can see part of my glans and can wash some what of it. But I cannot retract all the way to the neck of the penis.\n\nNow everyone is gonna say, is phimosis, I do not believe it is. I made a lot of research and can not find anything that seems to look like what I have. Let me explain.\n\nWhen I try to retract my penis foreskin, it starts showing a little of the glans, from the top side, then when I look at the bottom part, the foreskin is still in the top of the penis head, when I try to pull that area down the opening (external urethral meatus) and the inner foreskin are **literally stuck** together, there is a piece of flesh connecting them together.\n\nThis piece of flesh can not be the frenulum as the frenulum is not close to the meatus, I just don\u2019t understand why is it like that. Is this a condition? I\u2019m sure this cannot be phimosis, as phimosis is tight foreskin not a piece of flesh that makes the top part of the penis stuck to the foreskin.\n\nAny doctors or anyone who is familiar with this?", "answer": "Posts that can involve circumcision bring out strong *non-medical opinions.*\n\nIf you post about whether or not to get circumcision, your post should be removed. If you give forceful advice without flair, you will be temporarily banned to remove you from this thread.\n\nThis is r/AskDocs, for **asking docs.** If you are not a doc, some have already weighed in here, and your editorializing is not welcome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hm0xo7", "comment_id": "fx3rr6j"}, {"question": "I'm done telling people \"I don't drink\"...", "description": "I've started saying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days.\"\n\n---\n\nThere seems to be a certain stigma that comes with being a non-drinker. When I say \"I don't drink\", it's like *oh, you're one of those people.* \n\nSaying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days\" gets the message across without the possibility of triggering that awkwardness. \n\nIdk, it works for me. Maybe you can try it. \n\n---\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Some of this has been said but I\u2019ll just add that when I was newer in sobriety this kind of thing bothered me more. But now I have to say I feel super comfortable saying \u201cNo thanks...I don\u2019t drink\u201d. I\u2019m not saying that the road isn\u2019t challenging sometimes but I really don\u2019t miss it around folks that would judge me for not drinking. I now see their assessment as so insanely-skewed that I\u2019d sooner seek vampires\u2019 or zombies\u2019 thoughts on vegetarianism. It really is a blessing to have found a path to sobriety and to understand how perversely alcohol affected my perceptions and expectations. Again, not always an easy road but thank heavens IWNDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "huh5g7", "comment_id": "fynz74t"}, {"question": "What happens during a sleep study?", "description": "Hello! I am a 20yo male who has a pretty long history of insomnia, so my psychiatrist recommended that I get a sleep study done. What happens during one?\n\nIn my mind, I'm picturing all sorts of wires stuck to me while somebody is in the next room, just watching me sleep. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is, so I find it hard to imagine sleeping like that. Maybe I've just seen too many doctor shows \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "That's an accurate pictures. There are lots of wires on you, and there is someone on duty, although he or she is more likely to be browsing Reddit than watching you sleep unless there's something specific to watch. It's probably not the most comfortable sleep of your life, but unless you're insomnia is truly terrible you'll fall asleep eventually and get some data. And if you don't sleep at all, that's data too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n5gpk", "comment_id": "dzt2j04"}, {"question": "At what point do I see a doctor", "description": "I'm a 22yo male, 6' 2\" 160lbs. No known health problems but I do have anxiety, otherwise i'm in seemingly good health.\n\nThis past week I've been experiencing heart palpitations. I guess these are either PACs and/or PVCs. In years past I had similar symtpoms and have gone to the cardiologist twice - once when I was 15 and the other time was when I was 17. I also went to the ER once when I was 20. Each time I made a doctor visit I received normal EKG and echocardiograms (had this done 2 times (at 15 and then at 17yo). I also got a 24-hour holter monitor twice. Everything was normal and the doctor said I just had a few PACs. He said not to worry at all.\n\n\nFast forward a little bit. I have palpitations every now and then and I've taken my doctor's word for it and felt fine with ignoring them. Though, this past week I've been experiencing them very frequently. I have no other symptoms and I've been riding my bike miles per day as usual to go to work. They seem to be somewhat random but at times I have maybe 15 an hour. Sometimes I have a few per minute. They aren't super consistent except that they're consistent throughout the day and I recognize each time I have them. At least a few per hour I'd say, for the past 4 days or so. \n\n\nI have a CityMD urgent care near my apartment and I'm wondering if I should go today before it closes (just moved cities so I don't have a regular doctor yet). It just costs $75 that I don't want to spend knowing that I have major health anxiety and this will probably be nothing. IDK. On the one hand I've had these in the past and everything was fine but I don't ever remember having them so frequently. \n\n\n\nRight now I'm at home and I haven't noticed any palps for a while. Is it necessary to go ASAP or can I just wait this out a little bit and hopefully they'll go away(?) If I had a normal EKG 2 years ago, plus a normal echo about 4 years ago, is this really necessary?? Ultimately I guess I'm scared that I may have developed some structural issue since then.", "answer": "I think that you might want to consider treatment for your anxiety and see how your cardiac symptoms are thereafter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57j1is", "comment_id": "d8swfut"}, {"question": "I'm a wimp", "description": "Everytime somebody says something to me, I can't shrug it off. It clings onto me like a leech. I have so many fights, I have people calling me names. I hate this feeling. I wanna just get off the internet for a while, but by now it's an addition. I'm so connected to the friends I made I can't just go without my phone. ", "answer": "Do some research on Cognitive distortions. Everybody has distorted thoughts and negative self-talk, but you can learn how to recognize and manage those thoughts. Eventually you\u2019ll stop believing them, especially if you can replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. Your thoughts are not who you are! Don\u2019t let your fear define you!\n\nFor example....\u201dI can\u2019t do this, I\u2019m an idiot.\u201d That\u2019s a distorted thought...how about instead \u201cThis is new to me and I\u2019m learning. I\u2019m doing the best I can and I just have to be patient with myself while I learn.\u201d You got this!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajxd9v", "comment_id": "eezsqfa"}, {"question": "What happened to being able to tell your doctors the truth?", "description": "It literally gets me no where and the only time I get treated is when I lie..I don't like doing that. \n\nFor example. One 'Psychiatrist' I saw I was honest about one of my meds, Ativan, that have taken for years. Naturally I have a tolerance. I told him I take two of the one milligrams to function. He said \" so you are taking more then I told you too?\"\n\nMe \" I guess I am\" \n\nHim\" well I am going to have to ask you to leave my practice\"\n\nI just said ok no problem' but I'm thinking to myself..like damn I can't even tell a shrink the truth? How am I evef going to be treated or get therapy if I can't be honest?? This isn't the only time just one spec example.", "answer": "Whilst I agree that it's not good to take more of anything than recommended, I am a strong proponent of NOT discharging anyone because of it. I mean, what's the point of that? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7f0n6k", "comment_id": "dq8xmkq"}, {"question": "My friend writes terrible sci-fi novels and wastes tons of money on promoting them. How can I help him?", "description": "My friend is a 25-year-old man. He has written a few science fiction novels. I have read some of his writing and it is very boring. The characters are simplistic, the action reads like a video game, and it is generally unappealing to most people, even among sci-fi fans.\n\nI am not a psychiatrist, but I believe he has undiagnosed high-functioning autism (I won't go into detail). He believes that his writing is good and that he will find an audience that will find his writing amazing. He also believes his writing is a gift from God. He spends money on printing and marketing his books. His only review on Amazon was negative.\n\nI am currently being supportive of his writing career. I tell him that his writing is not the type I'm interested in, but as long as he knows who his audience is, he should ignore everybody else's opinions and focus on improving his writing to cater to his target audience.\n\nI want to help him however I can, but I am only his friend, so I know my options are limited. What can I do?", "answer": "I mean, if he enjoys writing and he's not going into debt to promote it, then why dissuade him? He's having fun and doing something he enjoys.\n\nHowever, if you think he might have high-functioning autism, you could consider asking him to think about seeing a psychologist for a diagnosis. Maybe find an online Asperger's quiz and encourage him to take it to see if it fits his life. Of course, you need to be careful to present this in a way that isn't offensive.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zds7m", "comment_id": "cfsrdrt"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you. I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review. At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page. The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "dm32q8i"}, {"question": "I started taking Cymbalta 3 days ago and experienced some fairly awful side effects so I'm quitting tomorrow. No possibility for withdrawal?", "description": "Hello! \n\nAs per the title I started taking Cymbalta about 3 days ago but it gave me some side effects I couldn't quite stick out (elevated heart rate, worse anxiety, and chills) so I decided to drop off of it. I called my pharmacists and they said I shouldn't have any issues after three days, however, I wanted to get some other opinions here. I've heard some stories about this drug (which I didn't look into until after taking it, sigh) where people have had intense withdrawal systems some people claiming only after taking it for a week or less. \n\nI'm inclined to think those are a bit on the dramatic side, has anyone had experience with this drug? I can't imagine after only 4 days I will experience the dire effects people who've taken it long term have, however, based on the stories of others should I expect anything? \n\nThank you! ", "answer": "You shouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms after just 3 days.\n\nWhat's it being prescribed for, and what meds have you been on previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d5l0", "comment_id": "d8148ag"}, {"question": "What do I say?", "description": "I'm 16, and I just got a girlfriend. We've hung out a few times, and I want to do something cheap. I want to ask her to come over to my house. I'm assuming her parents won't allow it, so if they won't, how do I ask to come over to her place without it sounding creepy/weird?", "answer": "\"Do you want to hang out at my house? No? You can't? Could we hang out at your house?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eyhev", "comment_id": "die1r3e"}, {"question": "Please, the literature available online is so confusing does heavy adolescent cannabis use for one year have lasting effects if stopped?", "description": "Hi I'm 17M 5' 7\" 135 lbs and white. I started smoking weed 1 year and 1 month ago and I have been using it anywhere from 1-3 times most days with some breaks ranging from a week or two to a month, I am going to stop immediately because the thought of ruining my mind is giving me anxiety attacks. To get a bit more specific I probably smoked about a gram every 4-5 days max. Please tell me if, even with stopping, my brain will be permanently altered and if so how much and in what ways. Is there anything I can do other than abstinence to remedy what I have done. I appreciate any help this is causing me no small amount of stress.", "answer": "The answer matters for public health, but it actually has no effect for you. You can\u2019t go back and not smoke, so what difference it makes is an entirely hypothetical question.\n\nThe best thing for now is to quit. Whatever is reversible will reverse, and whatever is avoidable will be avoided.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fwvnrt", "comment_id": "fmqtw5i"}, {"question": "Am I crazy for wanting to go to a mental hospital?", "description": "I have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety, and have had some suicidal idealizations, although I know I could never go through with it since too many people would be upset if I was gone. Yet I still wish for death. And I have a gut feeling that I want to go to a mental hospital, yet I can\u2019t seem to be able to tell why. I\u2019m not worried about harming myself, yet I can\u2019t get the thought out of my mind. Any feedback is appreciated.", "answer": "Sounds like you have some protective factors that can be a source of strength for you. Have you attempted any kind of outpatient work for what's going on? Perhaps seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist (or both)? That might be a better place to start as opposed to seeking an inpatient admission.\n\nYou are always free to go to your local facility and ask to talk to someone about an inpatient admission. They can advise you on the pros and cons of an admission and if they feel it would be appropriate for you.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f34kja", "comment_id": "fhhbpjv"}, {"question": "Need input from a parent who has lost a kid.", "description": "Preface: Not looking for \"Don't do it, this (insert bullshit reason) is enough to keep you going\" responses. Please save those for someone who isn't lost. I really just....well, title.\n\nLong story short (which, if need really be, can be elaborated via pm's) is that this IS going to happen, I just need to know how long I need to wait.\n\nI have a selfish reason that is keeping me going 'till around August-September. It is at this time that I will reassess and see if another month will be tolerable or not.\n\n**My question comes in here.**\nHow hard was it for you when you lost your child?\nI ask because my decision kinda rides on how my parents will take it, seeing as they're the main reason I'm still here. I'd like to not hurt them any more than necessary, but I know I'm dragging them down with me the longer I continue.\n\nSo essentially it comes down to: right now, after my selfish deadline, or (hopefully not, but if necessary) after they croak?", "answer": "The best answer I can give, really fucking hard. It fucks you up like few things possibly could. You question everything you've ever thought about. It makes you think you failed as a parent and your kid hated you/did not trust you. It makes you think as if you deserved to lose your kid because you had been such a failure as a parent. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "659v7s", "comment_id": "dg92y2o"}, {"question": "Does anyone have a higher FSH than Lh levels that got diagnosed with PCOS?", "description": "I have read online that your levels of lh should be 2x or more higher than fsh. But mine is the quite opposite they are both in normal ranges. I am confused should I go for a second opinion?", "answer": "You don\u2019t need every symptom on the list to have PCOS. My FSH:LH ratio is generally normal but I have pleeenty of other symptoms (though no string of pearls ovarian cysts - which I would imagine is what\u2019s responsible for the higher LH anyway). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8mhon4", "comment_id": "dznuntn"}, {"question": "Day 1 Journey to the rest of my life", "description": "Today is my first day back on the road to recovery. I have a couple of days off work and it is back to the ole grindstone Wednesday so I hope that I can keep this sense of freedom and power going. Right now I feel like everything super raw and real. It's like a crust that covered my mind body and soul is being washed off and I'm left learning to live again. Ive been smoking marijuana and slowly cleaning my space and preparing for the journey. Had semi intense craving momentarily. I have not really prepared much and am kinda winging this quit. 30 / grams day for around a year. Wish me luck gang!\n", "answer": "How are you guys doing? I\u2019m coming up on my 5th day and I still feel pretty terrible. I\u2019ve only been using for a year with a peak of 20-30g a day during a major surgery. Toward the last month I was down to 10-15g before I jumped. I haven\u2019t been able to sleep without ambien, I have a constant headache, zero energy, and my body feels like it\u2019s on fire laying down. I still have my eye on the prize and have no intention of using kratom again. Just wanted to check in because I\u2019m pretty sure we all quit around the same time. ", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9ogwg9", "comment_id": "e83vi3u"}, {"question": "Is it possible for a cis boy with gynecomastia to develop gender dysphoria or a simmiliar condition?", "description": "I'm a 35yo cis bi male. When i was a younger i had a bad case of gynecomastia (male breast growth) which led to me being sexual harrassed and assualted. Last year i came out of the closet and began to engage with the llgbt community online. As i engaged with them one thing that fasianated me was they way pre op trans men talked about gender dysphoria and thier chests. The way they talked about felt distrubingly simmiliar to the way i felt about my gynecomastia. Is it possible that as a teenage cis male, that having breasts could trigger gender dysphoria or something simmiliar?", "answer": "Not a diagnosis, just some info: There are body dysmorphic disorders and body dysmorphic-like disorders which are categorized under the obsessive-compulsive and related disorders in the DSM 5. So it depends if you\u2019re feeling a strong desire to be a different gender or if it\u2019s a preoccupation with your body due to the gynecomastia presentation. So if you want breasts because they feel more like who you are inside it could be gender dysphoria if you don\u2019t want breasts and prefer you had a more \u201cmasculine\u201d chest it might be more related to body dysmorphia. If you currently see a T this would be a good topic to explore, if you don\u2019t have one it wouldn\u2019t hurt to start and have a place to explore these feelings.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ey96h7", "comment_id": "fggles8"}, {"question": "In 7 minutes I will be 30 days sober!", "description": "Thank you all for helping me achieve sobriety! I love you all. Iwdwyt", "answer": "Congratulations! \ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\n\nThat's a huge accomplishment. In therapist school we'd be told to normalize relapse at this point, but I'm actually just excited for you \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d9w4n0", "comment_id": "f1n1l5d"}, {"question": "Tips for insomnia?", "description": "My sleeping has been way off over the past month. I usually go through phases with insomnia; it comes and goes as it pleases and gets worse with stress/anxiety. Anybody got any tips to cope? Thanks.", "answer": "There is a free app the US Navy uses called CBT-i app. It helps you log your sleep, gives you tips to help fall asleep and lower symptoms. Melatonin tablets help people with insomnia fall asleep. Also if you'd like to just drink it, try a NeuroSleep drink. They have 5-HTP and Melatonin in it. Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "548p7r", "comment_id": "d7zvbw2"}, {"question": "How should I ask my therapist for my diagnosis?", "description": "I want to bring it up at our next session, but don\u2019t know how to broach the subject.", "answer": "I would say, I'm curious what diagnosis you have for me? \n\nAre you paying with insurance? Because many therapists actually are very hesitant to formally diagnose clients. However, when using insurance it is required in order to get paid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d3licd", "comment_id": "f03p5hc"}, {"question": "Advice for an introvert trying to talk to an even more introverted crush", "description": "I have a huge crush on this girl but whenever I see her around school or in class my heart skips a beat and I freeze up. I can\u2019t say hi or anything, I just give a quick glance and walk away feeling like an idiot. It also doesn\u2019t help that she is also very introverted and won\u2019t go out of her way to initiate conversation. Some of her friends have told me that she likes me though but neither of us can seem to talk to each other. We sit a couple seats away in one class everyday and give each other glances. There is an occasional conversation between us but it usually involves the group of people around talking as well. What should I do to gain the courage to go talk to her? This has really never happened to me before, I don\u2019t have any problem talking to girls normally. However I know that once we start talking I won\u2019t be this nervous, I just need to break through that first barrier and maybe get her number.", "answer": "Like I say to most folks in similar situations, start out by casually greeting her on a more regular basis. On your way in to class or when you see her just say \"hey\" or \"good morning\". Simple smile and nod and be on your way.\n\nIt's honestly good practice to get in the habit of doing that with just about everyone. It makes it much easier to initiate a conversation later and reduces anxiety. It also shows others that you're friendly and you're not going to jump down their throats if they try to engage you. Most people are not going to be rude to you just for a greeting, but if they are, then you pretty much know they're not worth bothering with.\n\nAfter you feel a little more confident, ask her a question about something. Could be anything, even something you already know the answer to just to have an excuse to spark up a conversation. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9lpjdo", "comment_id": "e78igdk"}, {"question": "Another effect of sobriety...libido...lol ?", "description": "As I've discovered, there are many changes that come with sobriety. One I wasn't expecting was at 45 years old my libido suddenly not only returning, but with the ferocity of a high school student in puberty....lol.\n\nAnyone else experience this ? Another way my body is returning to normal ?\n\nJust curious...maybe it's just me...lol.", "answer": "Actually, me too! I'm 85 days sober, and I think mine started to come back a couple of weeks ago. At least, that's when I started to notice.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dllm2r", "comment_id": "f4ruwgt"}, {"question": "Quarantine is a true test of friendship here.", "description": "As bleak and blunt as this may sound, if people aren't making an effort to reach out and say hello, or get snapchats, etc from people you know -- they're not your friend. \n\nThink about it, you have literally NOTHING to do, and you could check in on your friends or even establish contact in some form due to being inside and probably on social media.\n\nThis time of quarantine is going to actually show you who your true friends are, and simply put, if they don't reach out or make an effort to during this time, then you may need to re-evaluate your friendships.", "answer": "Some of us are still really busy, working demanding jobs amidst uncertainty and unprecedented stress. Please assume the best when you finally interact with people.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fmmbef", "comment_id": "fl5ad0i"}, {"question": "My mother [58] is losing her ability to speak, all tests inconclusive except for one test for microtoxins, moving on to doc #5 and I don\u2019t know what to do going forward", "description": "My mother is losing her ability to speak and I don\u2019t know what to do\n\nThis has been going on for two years and started off by me and my sibling noticing her voice starting to change. Fast forward two years and my moms ability to speak is almost entirely gone, and gotten worse in the past two months particularly.\n\nIt\u2019s sounds like she is a baby or younger person and causes heavy sluring, essentially she\u2019s lost all articulation and speed. Her mental ability is still 100% there, we\u2019ve done multiple tests for memory, etc and she comes up in the higher percentiles for her age.\n\nShe writes me detailed letters that demonstrate her cognitive ability, no mental illness in the family.\n\nShe is 58, exercises daily (since college) and only eats healthy food. No smoking or drinking.\n\nShe is on the fifth doctor (CA) and they are starting from square 0 again with tests for ALS, dementia, etc.. but I have a feeling after another 6 months of testing we will find inconclusive results once again. As we have with all doctors (nobody can find what\u2019s wrong).\n\nEDIT: a (belived urine, will confirm when know) test for rare micro toxins that were detected, my mother testing in the range of 608 ng/g for Mycophenolic Acid, where the acceptable rate is roughly \\~38. Please see this comment for more discussion on this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my\\_mother\\_58\\_is\\_losing\\_her\\_ability\\_to\\_speak\\_all/fsnmo6u/?utm\\_source=share&utm\\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my_mother_58_is_losing_her_ability_to_speak_all/fsnmo6u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)\n\nThere\u2019s is nothing that has changed mentally for my mother outside the newly added stress (she is on disability for work because her job requires talking) but I\u2019m loosing my mind watching my mother lose her ability to talk, and I don\u2019t know what to do or where to look. All the tests she passes and I just don\u2019t know I just want hear her voice again.\n\nWhat can I do to get to the bottom of this? We\u2019ve spent so much on these studies that show up inconclusive, nobody is giving me solid advice, every doctor wants to test the same things again (which I understand as its due process), but I need to figure this out.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n# *********** Updates *************\n\nMy mom first noticed her ability to speak leaving in 2017, this \"illness\" has been a gradual climb since then and is now rapidly accelerating into her not being able to speak anymore. She can barely communicate for 2-3hrs of the day at the moment and this number is dwindling.\n\nShe has/is attempting western medicine solutions, we are on a long chain of specialists and referrals that started around late 2017.\n\nShe also believes in trying homeopathic/eastern medicine options, hence the long list of supplements.\n\nOne of the biggest concerns is the high level of Mycophenolic Acid that appeared in my mothers urine samples. She was not tested for Mycophenolic acid until after she had been on her supplements for roughly six-eight months, she started the supplements early 2019.\n\nShe moved homes in 2018, the home she moved into was torn down to the foundation (by her) and rebuilt (this process **finished** in 2018), before moving in the home was checked for mold and no results came back. I have a theory that her furniture could have accumulated mold (all her main furniture sat in storage during the remodel).\n\nWhat I'm trying to do:\n\n\\- Make her condition and known results publicly and easily accessible by you guys\n\n\\- Forwarding all questions to her and recording all responses\n\n\\- Sending love to my mother\n\nWe plan on having the house re-checked for mold and will be moving her out temporarily in hopes that her condition improves (hoping that this is the cause of all this).\n\n**Please see edit 3 for the newest test results**\n\n# EDIT 2:\n\nThis is round one of information that I received, more will be incoming throughout the day when she finishes her swallow study today.\n\nAll symptoms are on the left side of throat/jaw/mouth\n\n**Tests:**\n\n* brain MRI in May 2019 was normal.\n* DAT scan for Parkinsons and PSP was normal in May 2019\n* EMG nerve test for ALS in April, 2019 was normal\n* Nuero psych exam in May 2020 normal\n* MRI of abdomen shows subcapsular cysts on spleen and thoracic roots\n* MRI of neck shows osteocytes on C 5,6\n* Abnormal blood tests are:\n* elevated ANA antibody\n* chronic past EBV infection-high titers\n* chronic low Vitamin D levels\n* Mycotoxin of Ochratoxin A and Mycophelonic acid\n* Heavy metals: Mercury, lead and arsenic. We have not tested for Aluminum or Cadium yet.\n\n**Medication:**\n\n\\- Levothyroxine for thyroid\n\n\\- Losartan for blood pressure\n\n\\- estrogen and progesterone hormones\n\n**Vitamins:**\n\n* C, D, E\n* Zinc\n* CoQ10\n* L-Lysine\n* Choline and Inositol\n* Quercetin\n* Turmeric\n* Omega 3\n* Oleic Acid\n* Linoleic Acid\n* Alpha Lipoic Acid\n* Selenium\n* Chromium Picolinate\n* Pyconogenol\n* Revervatrol\n* Biotin\n\n**Herbs:**\n\n* Usnea\n* Cat\u2019s Claw\n* Holy Basil\n* Astragulus\n* Astaxanthin\n* Ashwaganda\n* Black Walnut\n* Baikal Skullcap\n* Reishi mushroom\n* Milk thistle\n* Cryptoleptis\n* Ginger\n* Grapefruit seed extract\n* Juniper berries\n* Andrographis\n* Lemon Balm\n\nNotes from mom:\n\nI only started taking a majority of these beginning 11/2019. My symptoms of choking on liquids and slurred speech began back in September 2017.\n\n# EDIT 3:\n\nPathogen-associated immune reactivity screen results : [https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g](https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g)\n\nUrine test results : [https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ](https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ)\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Swallow results:**\n\n\\- Not aspirating or accumulating fluid in the lungs\n\n\\- Base of the tongue was determined \"weak\" which contributes to problems speaking, eating, swallowing, etc.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**my mom on the auto-immune disorder:**\n\n\"To better answer your question on autoimmune. The ANA is a high positive for general autoimmune distinction, but then they did further tests for lupus, celiac, and other particular autoimmune disorders. The only one that came back positive is for \"anticardioliphin\" antibody, which means I am prone to blood clots. Never had one though!\"\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "She's taking over 30 assorted vitamins and supplements. My first recommendation would be to stop those. The contents are minimally regulated, the quality control very poor, and the benefit even if they are what they claim to be speculative.\n\nI doubt the mycophenolate level is significant, but I would be unsurprised if there were mycophenolate in something that she's taking. Or heavy metals, which seem to be a regular contaminant. There's no reason for a laundry list of supplements: the only clear effect is to cause wallet damage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "guzowl", "comment_id": "fsnq9m4"}, {"question": "What are some definite signs it's not going anywhere?", "description": "I met my current boyfriend 11 months ago. Initially he did not want to be exclusive and I forced the issue for awhile until I gave up and left him for approximately a week. He came back to me wanting to start an exclusive relationship. \n\nIn June 2016 we became exclusive and slowly progressed. He wanted to take things extremely slow. There are certain aspects of my relationship that scream progression. He wants to meet my family. Yet I feel used. \n\nI feel like he comes in and out of my apartment. Lives freely without the intent to make me more. I feel like I'm just someone he is with in the meantime. I feel that our relationship is simply him having a good time. \n", "answer": "if it's defined as exclusive, he should be paying more attention. rule of thumb:: if you want to be married and there's no plan after a year, it's likely never to happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdi9", "comment_id": "dc60lqk"}, {"question": "I always delete the comments I\u2019m about to make or completely rearrange what I\u2019m about to say to someone text wise.", "description": "I don\u2019t like sharing my thoughts, mostly because I think it won\u2019t matter and it always brings some type of negativity. (Not because my thoughts are bad, just because people have opinions and someone always thinks something is wrong)", "answer": "The fact that you\u2019re worried about how others will perceive your ideas is a good indication that you are thoughtful and conscientious. The internet is filled with people who hide behind their usernames projecting their insecurities onto everyone else without even having an opinion or logical idea to share. I would say the world needs more people like you to share your thoughts for discussion. To avoid sharing an idea out of fear that others may not agree or take offense is, in my opinion, an idea worth sharing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "drwytw", "comment_id": "f6mook8"}, {"question": "ADHD & Toxic Shame", "description": "(Note: this is a reply to another post, but I wanted to share it with the wider community)\n\nI've been doing a lot of research on ADHD, and the word \"shame\" keeps coming up. Like, \"[Shame can become a dominant emotion into adulthood as harsh internal dialogues, or criticism from others, becomes ingrained](https://www.additudemag.com/symptoms-of-add-hyperarousal-rejection-sensitivity/).\" \n\nI dug into \"shame\" yesterday, and was floored when I came across a type of shame called [\"toxic shame.\"](https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-toxic-shame/) Toxic shame is consistent, internalized, negative thoughts and emotions, directed at the self. It is often hidden from the conscious mind. It shapes our self-image. It can lead to depression, anxiety, codependence, and other shitty states of being. It is rooted in childhood trauma. \n\nRSD, combined with executive function challenges, makes those of us with ADHD highly susceptible to toxic shame (particularly those who had an adverse upbringing and/or were diagnosed later in life). This can lead to something called \"shame anxiety.\" We feel anxious about taking action, for fear of the RSD-supercharged-shame we would feel if we *perceive* failure. So we don't take any action at all. This anxiety-induced action-paralysis often leads to the very shame we were trying to avoid. It can easily become negative feedback loop that compounds into a profoundly negative self-image as the years go by, affecting every aspect of our lives.\n\nIt makes sense that we feel this way. Shame is a basic human emotion \u2014 it's: \"an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness \u2026 it is the only emotion that is dysfunctional for the individual, and functional at a group level.\" [Link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame). \n\nShame is evolution's way of keeping those who violate social norms in line, in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the group. However, most modern social norms were established for neurotypicals. So those of us with ADHD who, *through no fault of our own*, find it exceedingly difficult conform to modern social norms, feel shame. RSD-enhanced shame. Often. So much so, that we internalize it. And it becomes toxic.\n\nTo me, this understanding was revelatory. Having an ADHD brain means that I *am* different than most people. And I *don't* necessarily fit into the boxes of society. And that's okay. I absolutely *do not* need to be ashamed of it.\n\nTL;DR: People with ADHD are susceptible to something called toxic shame, which can be devastating.\n\nTL;DR the TL;DR: [Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR_K7va6Wg0)\n", "answer": "This is amazing and thanks for sharing. FYI There is a book called\u201d Healing the shame that binds you\u201d by John Bradshaw. Really dives into toxic shame!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a808dy", "comment_id": "ec770q3"}, {"question": "Stopping as a college student", "description": "For a while, it was easy to convince myself that I didn't have a drinking problem. And perhaps I didn't for some period of time. However, I soon found myself myself so much looking forward to being drunk at a party, and not just for the party itself. One thing that really hit me is when one of my friends (who I also suspect of possibly having a drinking problem) said something along the lines of, \"Everyone knows you're only really going to a party to get drunk\". And I could totally relate to that, even though I doubt that's the reason most people without a drinking problem go.\n\nStarting this year (following a pretty rough break up), I've found myself drinking more and more. After turning 21, I started getting drunk to the point of passing out nearly every night. And it wasn't always that I was necessarily upset about something that day\u2014it just alleviated boredom and made watching Netflix so much easier to do.\n\nI've decided to give up drinking, but the thought really scares me. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy my life without alcohol. Especially as a college student at a pretty geographically remote university, where life is pretty much centered around \"going out\". My father is an alcoholic, as were two of my grandparents, so I certainly am genetically disposed to it.\n\nSo, I don't know what I really want in terms of replies here. Maybe some reassurance that life can be just OK without alcohol. Maybe someone with a similar experience to share a brief story and a couple of tips that have worked for you.\n\nThanks in advance, everyone. :)", "answer": "I got sober at 17 a year and a half ago. I went to AA and worked the steps and continued to work the steps. Still sober today as a result of that. Your path may be the same or it may be different, but I urge you to find some support in the form of recovery meetings.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23p77z", "comment_id": "cgzc359"}, {"question": "Could I be pregnant?", "description": "I am 26 yo f, 57kg, 165cm fall. I have an 11wo son who I am breast feeding. I got my first period 6 wks postpartum exactly. I have always had a very regular cycle. I am now 5 days late, experienced some painful cramping in the early hours of the morning 3 nights ago but nothing came. Usually when I have cramping that means I\u2019m about to get my period within the next hour. I had headaches and fatigue about a week ago. But I am taking ethymicin from a rash from pregnancy. The headaches still come sometimes. I remember this was my first symptom when I was pregnant, I went and got my eyes tested because I thought my glasses needed to be adjusted. But I\u2019ve been told how rare it is to fall pregnant while breastfeeding?", "answer": "Rare doesn't mean impossible, especially if you've been having sex without any other birth control. If you've had a period, you could easily be ovulating as well, so you could have gotten pregnant. It's at least worth a home pregnancy test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928scl", "comment_id": "e33yuy1"}, {"question": "Are there science backed non-pharmaceutical methods of curing a hypothyroid?", "description": "Male, 26. \n5\u20196\u201d, 196lbs. \nOverweight. Vitals all normal. CBC and chem panel normal. In Feb, TSH was 16, but after starting levothyroxine 25mcg, it is down to the 4.xx range. \n \nLevo is the only medication I have ever taken. And I would really like to not take any medications... I understand how important it is to keep my thyroid in check, so I ask you docs and healthcare providers, is there a non-pharmaceutical method of correcting this new thyroid issue? \n \nI know I need to lose weight. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat healthier. And I want to make these changes. ", "answer": "In brief, no. There is no established way to increase thyroid function. It's possible that you had transient hypothyroidism that would self\\-correct \\(post\\-infection, for example\\) but no way to know other than monitoring.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8grfbx", "comment_id": "dye3x1e"}, {"question": "Struggling to understand what I assume to be panic attacks", "description": "(33 yr old, cauc, male, 6'2/180, CA, no previous history of GI issues. Have been taking Tums and recently Omeprazole to offset discomfort.)\n\nOver the last few years my body/mind has triggered the onset what I assuming to be panic attacks. Symptoms include a strong pressure in my heart region and need to constantly burp to relief this pressure. My left arm (heart side) also tenses up and I usually find myself hooking this hand in my bent buckle to stabilize. I have extreme shortness of breath the entire time, despite understanding that I need to \"just breathe\" to relax. I sip tiny amounts of water during this which helps with promote the burps to relief the pressure on the heart side of my chest. The entire time I feel like my heart of going to explode at any moment. Episodes can last 30 minutes to multiple hours. The the frequency of these episodes are random, but I have found that I am sometimes prone to them after consuming the mildest spicy food, or minimal alcohol or cannabis consumption. Due to this theory I have greatly reduced any of this consumption over the last few years.\n\nI am extremely active 33 yr old male, very healthy eater, that practices lots of deep stretching and yoga exercises. I feel very minimal stress in my life other than when this occurs. I have tailored my life in all aspects to being self aware of how I am feeling to reduce the risk of these episodes.\n\nLast night I woke up after 2 hours of sleep and instantly felt like my heart was going to explode. It took 2 hours of extreme discomfort to calm down enough to go back to sleep. I woke up 5 hours later with mild discomfort and the continuous need to burp to relieve pressure in the heart side of my chest. I have continuing to work through this discomfort and I write this post.\n\nThanks in advance for listening and any advice/insight/guidance you can offer.", "answer": "Those could be panic attacks, but they're not classic, and the burping and timing with spicy food, alcohol, and cannabis makes me think that this may instead be GERD (acid reflux). Do these attacks happen more at night when you are laying down? Any sour taste in your mouth? Do Tums and/or omeprazole help?\n\nIt seems like something that you should see a doctor for. A careful history and exam might be able to clarify what's going on and guide treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cx5axd", "comment_id": "eyix8mb"}, {"question": "[32/m] Broke up with my girlfriend [25/f] and finding it hard to reconcile the potential loss", "description": "Forgive the wall of text. Though I suspect many of these posts suffer from this. Please bear with me if you can.\n\n**tl;dr: Had amazing relationship with a girl, but things went south when I let my expectations get out of hand, which slowly pushed her away and we broke up. Realize my mistake now, but worried it's too late.**\n\nI met an amazing girl about a year ago to this day, and we clicked almost instantly. We began hanging out... purely as friends for the first month or so. Then one drunken night things took an unexpected turn when, while she was helping carry some stuff back to my place, she tripped and fell. And as I helped her up we exchanged a cheesy, cliched, but endearing first kiss.\n\n**As background to both of us:** *She had just recently got out of a failed long-distance relationship, and I had slightly less recently exited a 4 year live-in relationship in which we simply fell out of love.*\n\nAfter that kiss, and a series of dates, we agreed to start officially dating. Though she had some worries. She had a deep desire to leave the country as soon as chance would allow, though was likely stuck here for at least 2-3 years in order to gather work experience. She was also obsessed with keeping herself busy at all times - Every minute needed to be productive or useful. I needed to accept that she was, for lack of better words - a busy-bee and a bit of a scatterbrain. I agreed that we should just enjoy the time we spend together, and not get bogged down in anything too serious.\n\n*Side note: In this way we were opposites that attracted, as I much prefer to be basking in the relaxing nothingness of life. And so she found a little inner-peace when she was around me, and I, in turn, became more motivated.*\n\nFast forward about 7 months. We are meeting regularly, and everything is awesome! The sex, our conversations, our social life balance. It all just clicked. It worked!\n\nThen... we decided to take a trip to Thailand together. And **that's when everything changed**.\n\nWe had an amazing time on that trip, and I recall a moment when something flipped in my head. We were *good* for each other! And I wanted to do *more* than just \"date!\" I wanted us to become even *more* serious... God... To this day I have *no idea* what \"more serious\" even entailed. I certainly wasn't wanting children, or even marriage, and neither was she. What did \"more\" mean?\n\nSo we continued just how we were, but now it never felt like it was enough for me. Examples:\n\n* She hated texting, and so would regularly take a long time to reply, or sometimes entirely ignore a question. I had no problem with this \"before\", but *now* I was expecting her to reply in at least a timely manner (like, sometime during that day), and answer a question if I asked one.\n* She was obsessed with keeping herself busy and relished the time that she was doing productive things. \"Before\" if plans would change because of her schedule, I'd take them in my stride and go about my own stuff. *Now* I was becoming upset if plans changed.\n* While we were lazing around together, she would sometimes have mini panic-attacks about all the stuff she had to get done with the remainder of the weekend. \"Before\" I would try help her or let her go, but *now* I was frustrated and jealous that she seemed to prize this other stuff over spending an afternoon with me.\n\nI am writing these points with all the 20/20 hindsight that comes with a break-up. At the time I just thought she wasn't giving enough, and I regrettably guilt-tripped her for it. Sometimes by getting sad, or frustrated, or just cold... because I felt like I was being superceeded by these other things she wanted to do.\n\nI should add - in defence of myself - that it's not like we were meeting multiple times a week during this period. We'd meet perhaps for a day and a night on the weekend, sometimes that might spill over to the whole weekend - though that was rare. I didn't *feel* as though our time together was all that time-consuming. But I was increasingly of the opinion that *she* felt our time together was time consuming.\n\nWhat I realize now is that much of this was a result of me pushing expectations on her that she never agreed upon to begin with. And while I'd have at least hoped for some compromise on her part, I can understand now that if you have X to give, you can't necessarily give more than X.\n\nWhen we decided to break up, it was of course over one of these \"not giving enough\" moments. I felt as though I had given and given, and received not enough in return. Though the hind-sight reality is that my expectations were making her push back and distance herself even further, which resulted in her giving less and less. And so my being upset would make *her* upset (because she did genuinely care about how I felt), and then she would feel bad for making me feel bad, and I would feel bad for making *her* feel bad. It was a vicious cycle that had repeated itself at least on half a dozen occasions at least, and it was finally all too much.\n\nAnd so we parted. It was heart-breaking for both of us as we knew it was such a shame that all of this was coming to an end over such a \"petty\" difference, but it seemed like the only option at the time. This all happened on Sunday. Haha, yes... very recent.\n\nOver the last few days however, I've become wracked with guilt, as I finally realized that I had become everything I didn't want to be in the last 3 or 4 months of our relationship. I had become the demanding, overbearing boyfriend that wanted everything my way. Though to be fair, what I was \"demanding\" wasn't to see her every day or anything so obsessive. No no, all I was asking for was to be able to see her on the weekend without plans changing all the time, and to be able to text/chat to her without her getting distracted by other stuff halfway through a conversation.\n\nBut what I was asking of her was simply **more than she was willing to give**. I realize this now.\n\nJust yesterday I went around to her house, and explained this realization. I felt it was important for her to know that I was essentially the cause for much of this. I also explained that I don't even know *why* that switch flipped in me. I was *so* happy with how things were before our trip, and I truly don't know why I started wanting to be more serious afterwards, and why I began demanding more. Because the **truth was that I'd have been happy to let things continue as they were**.\n\nI screwed up big-time by not putting myself in check when my expectations suddenly changed. I knew what she was willing to put in, and I ignored it. And the tragedy is, like I've said, I don't even know *why* I suddenly had these expectations when I was so happy with how things were before.\n\nWe both agree that we don't necessarily want to be out of each others life forever. I have a couple of pet ferrets that she absolutely adores. She wants to continue to be able to look after them, should I go on holiday etc. But clearly she needs time to think, and process everything that's happened. It's been an intense, stressful and emotional couple of weeks and I think she's reached her limit.\n\nBut I guess what I'm wondering is, at a cursory glance, **is there a way for this to be salvaged?** I mean, we both still have deep feelings for one-another. I'm just hoping that given enough time, something might rise back out of the ashes.\n\nIf you made it all this way, thanks for reading.", "answer": "all relationships can be renewed. just talk and see where it goes.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ubu02", "comment_id": "ddsvv8p"}, {"question": "I (M30) want to constructively communicate about responsibility with my SO (F29)", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and non-critical as I can. Examples are for clarity, not complaints.\n\nI'm getting quite frustrated with my girlfriend of ~2 years. She's a great girl by most measures, but I'm having trouble communicating my position/worries about personal responsibility with her. She's quite low-maintenance, as typical things go, so maybe I should shut up and be glad, but she's got some of what many guys may consider a childish outlook in terms of responsibility. Here are some examples of situations that bother me:\n\n1. Driving directions: many times this has happened. I'm driving, so I ask her to gps directions. She will, but not without thorough instructions. Some part of me gets to the point where I want to yell \"I can't look at the phone because I'm driving, figure it the hell out yourself!\" Worse than that, yesterday for example, I ask her to get directions and the route that google suggested was totally nonsensical, so I told her \"look at the full map and tell me where I need to go. I don't need you repeating what the gps says because it doesn't make sense, I need you to read the map.\" and she proceeded to repeat what google said. I stopped, read the map, and it was clear that the gps had me going the wrong way around 10 blocks instead of just making a right and going 2 blocks.\n\n2. Lack of car maintenance: Early in our relationship, she had a car with some miles on it. Long story short, it leaked trans fluid over time and the trans ended up grinding itself to death. She sold it for scrap and bought another car. It made awful noises and lost power on its final journey, but she seemed to have no idea. On another occasion a tire blew out on the highway (not sure if low pressure or she hit something, she claimed to not hit anything) so she drove a couple of miles to an exit before calling AAA. In both cases she paid for everything, of course. What I can't deal with is that this sort of negligence could ending up getting her or someone else hurt or costing us as a married couple because she simply has no knowledge/desire/belief that she should have to do anything to maintain her car. Everyone has the responsibility to look after their car, and I've tried telling her that you need more than just quick checkups at oil changes. I even had to teach her how to check air pressure. I'm SUPER happy to teach her anything and everything, and I'll even help change oil/whatever WITH her (not for her), but seriously, she's gone 12+ years driving cars without EVER checking her air pressure? This shit could get someone killed.\n\n3. Lack of awareness: This one came up today on a 4 hour road trip. First, she slept the whole way, made no offer to drive, didn't even say thank you for driving. Worse than that, we've been planning a birthday trip to a destination ~2 hours away, but this road trip was to the beach and she said she'd prefer to go to the beach for her birthday. Fine, but she acts like there's no effort or cost in driving. There's seemingly zero consideration for anyone's effort. Same goes with cleaning things up around the house (she doesn't live with me, but spends almost every night at my ). Also related to driving: despite us talking about how bad it is to merge onto highway traffic slowly, she merges onto highways at speeds like 45mph. Somehow she just doesn't have a concept that what she does is wrong or not good enough.\n\n4. She gets upset REALLY easy: if I try telling her something she's doing isn't good enough, I'm just being a jerk. The crying threshold is very low in general. It seems like telling her to go figure something out on her own is an unjust imposition and knocking her down like she's not good enough. It makes things very difficult to discuss without getting her very upset. \n\nI know this seems to belong in /offmychest, but I'm only listing stories for color/clarity. To me, it screams of growing up as daddy's spoiled little girl. She's usually very low maintenance, but there are so many times where I just want to tell her that I'm not her dad and I'm not here to do everything for her and she needs to step up figure shit out on her own sometimes. I want an equal partnership more than a traditional relationship. I don't mind sometimes indulging the old-timey relationship ideals, and I don't mind playing the gentleman, but it's so hard to give more when I feel like I'm silently expected to wait on her. It makes me want to leave her behind with her arms full and let her realize she's a big girl and has to do shit. And it's usually little things on a daily basis, so I'm stuck in that place where any one thing is niggling but the whole picture adds up to a big complaint. But if you start making lists, you're an asshole. I'm made comments in the past and I'm frequently told that I'm just being mean, like me asking her to assume a duty is being mean because no one has previously asked her to have to be actually responsible for anything.\n\nTL:DR: My girlfriend is generally low maintenance but doesn't actively try very hard. If I asked her to paint a wall, I feel like I'd have to show her how to open the paint can, pour it, wet the roller, roll it on the wall, when to re-wet it, and if the wall came out bad, it was my fault for not explaining something. It makes me scared about marriage, like I'm going to have to do everything simply because she doesn't think she has to figure out anything on her own. Like the kid in school who can't do 6+5= because she was only taught how to do 5+5= in class. I want to talk constructively about this with her but I feel like I'm just going to end up being a jerk and getting mad. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "everyone has idiosyncrasies that are best ignored. save your energy for big stuff. my wife hasn't turned off a light or locked a door in 38 years. the key to ltr is letting go of the small stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7a4s", "comment_id": "dhkcoft"}, {"question": "Does anyone reccomend A.A", "description": "I feel as if it may trigger me more than help.", "answer": "If you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. Not all meetings are the same. Some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. Usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. Attend a meeting near the university or on campus you\u2019re going to see more young people. It can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. Meeting someone like yourself who\u2019s made significant progress can be encouraging.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dwlejp", "comment_id": "f7ksb74"}, {"question": "Took one .5mg klonopin about 5 hours ago, just had a beer and a half. Forgot that took it since I haven\u2019t in awhile. Am I screwed?", "description": "So at about 4 today I took a .5mg klonopin as I was feeling really really anxious. Fast forward five hours later I\u2019m at this 4th of July celebration and had a beer and half, before it hit me I took a klonopin. I\u2019m definitely not going to drink anymore. I\u2019m 5\u201910 about 160 and hold my alcohol normally very well. Given the fact that I stop right now, I should be ok right?? Drank about 4 bottles of water prior if that helps\n\nEdit: I know people do way worse but I have pretty terrible health anxiety (hence the klonopin) which is why I\u2019m asking lol", "answer": "You'll be fine. Klonopin might accentuate intoxication, but if you just have a little bit to drink you might feel it more but won't pass out and stop breathing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w6jja", "comment_id": "e1t3n4u"}, {"question": "Tolerant Partners/Spouses", "description": "My wife is exceptionally tolerant of my drinking which currently takes up every evening. I'll start about 6 pm and stop when I go to bed around midnight and this has been pretty much the same story for the 20 years of my marriage. She doesn't drink often, maybe 3 glasses of wine a week, but she never questions my drinking and often actually picks me up some beers without me even asking.\n\nI guess I'm finding it hard to see my drinking as a problem when it's so tolerated and condoned by someone I live with. It is a problem, hence why I'm on this sub, but the person closest to me doesn't see that.\n\nAnyone else had this - it's a weird one, I know?", "answer": "Yep. I said some version of \"I think maybe I have a drinking problem\" for years. My spouse repeatedly told me, \"I don't think you're an alcoholic. You can \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (various ways he had seen me moderate)\". It wasn't until I spelled out for him just how difficult it was for me to moderate that he understood.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dmxgxp", "comment_id": "f55p2hn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (20f) afraid to tell my parents what I really want to do after college", "description": "Hi there! \n\nSo I (20f) am going to be a senior in college in the fall, so naturally my family has been really curious as to what I want to do once I graduate. My dad (50m) and I went for ice cream the other day and sort of questioned me about it, and unfortunately he didn\u2019t really seem supportive of my ideas. This has happened before, in which my family has gotten critical of my ideas for my future, but I know it comes from a place of love rather than an effort to control me. \n\nI\u2019m a psychology major leaning towards being a guidance counselor or general counselor. Originally when I declared I wanted to be a psych major, my parents were worried. I\u2019d have to be in school for a long time, it\u2019d be expensive, why would I want to do that? Before that I had wanted to do English or graphic design and they didn\u2019t like those either, always griped I should be a woman in stem. That would be great if I were interested in stem, but like I said, I don\u2019t care if I make a crap ton of money. But my dad really wants that for me (we had money troubles when I was growing up). He was the type who went to college to get a degree in something mildly interesting just so he could make decent money. His dad was a factory worker, they grew up middle class and he just wanted to be a provider for his family. I respect his experience and choices, but that\u2019s not the kind of life I want. \n\nAnyway, I was telling my dad about what I\u2019d need to do for graduate school, how I\u2019d probably take a year off to get experience in research and save money, build my CV and all that. Of course he was concerned and asked if it was necessary, would I stay motivated, etc. I expected this, he\u2019s trying to be supportive and make sure I know what I\u2019m getting myself into. Though when I told him about being a guidance counselor, he grew skeptical. Said I should be a psychiatrist or professor, an author, literally anything else because social workers and guidance counselors don\u2019t make enough money. Yeah, I wouldn\u2019t mind teaching, but I could never do anything medical. Too squeamish. I told him I just wanted to help people, and as long as I did that in some way I\u2019d be happy. I reaffirmed it wasn\u2019t about money as long as my needs were met. Plus, I could marry rich! He laughed at that. \n\nThe real problem, however, is that I want to join the military. Both he and my mom (my mom is supportive of me, but she never went to college and doesn\u2019t really ask about my future which is fine, we just talk about other stuff) insisted when I was younger that I wouldn\u2019t join. It wasn\u2019t really a sexist thing, like \u201coh you\u2019re a woman and therefore you can\u2019t\u201d but more so \u201cwhy would you want that for yourself?\u201d So I dropped it, simply went to college like they expected me to and didn\u2019t really think about it until recently. Quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on what I want to do with my life and I realize that if I continue, knowing myself, I\u2019ll get trapped in a comfort zone and live a boring life like my father. I want to do something meaningful and sort of wild.\n\nMy reasons for wanting to go into the military are more nuanced than that, but I don\u2019t want to get into that in this post. I just know that they won\u2019t be happy, though ultimately I know it\u2019s my life so it\u2019s my choice, but I love my family and I want them to support me. Obviously I have two more semesters, thus I can\u2019t even think about enlisting until this time next year so that gives me plenty of time to explore this decision and work through it, but how do I tell them? I honestly don\u2019 think they\u2019d suspect this from me, as the last time I brought it up was casually a few years ago and I probably don\u2019t seem the type. Anyone have a similar experience? \n\nAs a side note, I\u2019m paying for college by myself. They only took out one small ($3k) loan for me and I have done the rest.", "answer": "As a clinical social worker (now practicing therapist) who was in a similar situation (my father wanted me to focus on money only) I regret nothing. I make decent money living on my own and could make more if I was in private practice it was more important for me to love my job. \n\nI feel for you and ultimately you\u2019ll make your own choice but I wanted to say you can be successful following your passions. I did.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gpz3w8", "comment_id": "frpv96m"}, {"question": "Anyone else just really like pacing?", "description": "Tends to make others nervous, so I generally try to keep my distance from people when I do do it but when I\u2019m lost in thought I much prefer to pace rather than sit still but others often seem to misjudge this action and think I\u2019m annoyed or anxious when I do this for some reason.", "answer": "I believe what you are doing is self-regulating through movement, which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. Rocking provides a similar relief, engaging our bodies safety systems.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ewekjc", "comment_id": "fg27o7u"}, {"question": "I physically abused my gf for the 2nd time while drunk", "description": "Just wanted to hear a few opinions on what Ive done. I'm sure you will all be honest.\n\nChristmas eve I got black out drunk and threw my gf about. She says I also bite her! And this isn't the 1st time I've done it I done it around a year ago (also black out drunk, i know it's no excuse!) not as bad but enough for her to leave me. I promised I would get the help the 1st time and she came back but I didn't go through with it and it resulted in it happening again. \n\nI know this is no excuse but I had a pretty bad childhood and got beaten by my dad. I've started councilling since Christmas and have made great progress but I still feel really guilty for what I done to her. It's still eats me up inside and I know it always will!! Obviously I've tried to get her back but she doesn't want to which I completely understand but it doesn't change the fact I love her and want to make everything right. My councillor says I need to be honest because that's what resulted in me letting my anger out when I had no control due to drink (I bottled my childhood up for years and never spoke about it) but when I message her telling her what I feel it feels like I'm being selfish and not letting her move on . I know I should leave her alone but I know we had something really special and it kills me my denial has ruined that. Straight after she said we could work it out and get help together because she's also been abusive to me in the past. She attacked me with a knife, but that's not what this post is about.\n\nIts been 2 month now and i basically don't know what to do anymore and would like some feedback please. Cheers ", "answer": "Research the cycle of violence. You trying to get her back is you honeymooning her to get back with you. It's unfair to her, and is abusive. \n\nHer decision to leave you is her choice that she is allowed to make, and you need to decide if you're going to continue attacking her for that choice by doing what you're doing. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5yd5wy", "comment_id": "dep4c2h"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [19M] and I [19F] have been together for over three years. He's an atheist and I'm Christian, the longer we date the bigger of a problem it becomes. Does anyone know if we can make it work?", "description": "We start dating in high school and I think we both figured it wouldn't go anywhere so religious differences wouldn't be important. But as time went on, we obviously got more serious. We both love a good debate, and religion would get brought up and it always ended with me being very offended. He always wondered how someone \"so smart could believe something so archaic\"\n\nWell we put religion aside, saying we would talk about it when it became an issue. Well now here we are, occasionally imaging our future together, and it's getting really complicated. \n\nIf we stay together, he wants religion to have no part in our wedding, our house, or in our potential children's lives. I've tried to come up with compromises. Maybe we get married by a pastor but not in a church? And maybe there can be an absolute minimal reference to anything religious in the ceremony? And in our home, I wouldn't seek out religious decorations, of course. But what about things I already own, with sentimental value. Like a painting with the lyrics to \"Amazing Grace\" on it that my grandma bought me? Or a little cross from my godparents? He suggested I have a \"religion room\" for these things, where it's only for me and anything religious does not leave the room because he doesn't want it in his house. And if we had kids. I've said I wouldn't make them go to church, they'd be welcome if they wanted. But I'd love them to be baptized. And he says no to that. He says no to any reference to religion. I cannot tell the hypothetical children anything about religion, or God, or Jesus, things that are all so important to me. He says I cannot brainwash the children. I just don't know how you can compromise on exposing a child to a religion but also not, in his words, \"brainwashing\" them. \n\nAnd today, in the conversation that prompted this post, he told me he doesn't, and will never, respect my religion. Am I overreacting for thinking that's a big deal? CN you have a successful relationship if one of the people disrespects a fundamental part of the other's identity?\n\nOur relationship is really great other than this, which is why we avoided the issue so long, and now it just seems massive. I really hope someone out there has some kind of advice. Is there a compromise we might be missing? Some perspective for one or both of us? We both really want it to work out but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can. \n\nAnd please, if you have any negative opinions about my religion, please save your time. I've a lot about what an idiot I am for believing it. How small minded and naive I must be. So please only contribute if it's actual advise about the relationship. \n\nTl;dr boyfriend and I have been together three years and are starting to legitimately talk about our future together. He's and atheist, I'm a Christian, and we've so far been unable to come up ugh compromises for how we live a life together. Any help?", "answer": "it won't work if your respective beliefs are the most important thing in the world to you. anything below 'the most important thing' improves your chances commensurately", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5puirz", "comment_id": "dctyxam"}, {"question": "Is your music taste all over the place?", "description": "I find myself listening to a large variety of music at seemingly random times... I started off listening to that k/da league of legends song, then fireflies by owl City, then the scarecrow by Anastasia, and I can keep going on and on... Techno, more metal, Mexican corridos, pop, rap, Yugioh soundtrack \ud83d\udc40... Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "I actually find an artist I like and will listen to nothing but that artist for months. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a8pau9", "comment_id": "ecco6xr"}, {"question": "Talk me out of hitting the bottle today. Just been thrown another curveball from the Universe.", "description": "I'm in tears. I'm distraught. \n\nMy daughter is 17 weeks pregnant. She lost a baby earlier this year and was broken hearted. \n\nAt today's check up they can't find a heartbeat. She can't lose this baby. She can't go through this again. As her Mum I can't watch her in that pain again. I hate life right now. She's a good, kind hearted girl. She doesn't deserve this pain. \n\nShe's at the hospital waiting for a scan. I'm atheist but I just fell to my knees and prayed. Please if there is a God, show my baby girl some mercy. \n\nIf this baby is gone too I'll drink. I know I will. I can't handle this pain. Need your prayers, support etc more than ever. I can't stop crying. \n\nUPDATE: the baby is fine. He/she was laying funny but because daughter is high risk it all hot scary. Phew! Now I want champagne to celebrate but instead I will have soda. I guess I was triggered to old habits for a second. I will learn from this. Drinking wouldn't have helped one tiny bit. Thank you for putting up with me today. ", "answer": "Wherever you think you can't get to tomorrow, write yourself a message from tomorrow. Really write it from yourself tomorrow. First as yourself that did drink and then as yourself that didn't. Then keep those notes nearby. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5enc1t", "comment_id": "dae48ie"}, {"question": "After being depressed as hell for two years, I am finally trying to improve my life but it's not working. I get more discouraged every day. (long rant enclosed)", "description": "A couple years ago I hurt my back at work, and now after multiple surgeries for herniated discs I can't do any of the jobs I have experience in, so after working shit jobs for 15 years, where I had reached the point where I was making three or four dollars over minimum wage, I now have to start all over again. \n \nI've sent out a ton of applications but there doesn't seem to be any minimum wage, no-experience-required job that doesn't involve heavy lifting. I have absolutely no experience in any type of work where you get to sit down, and I look like a white trash piece of shit and have no personality whatsoever, so there's no chance of getting a job via charisma alone.\n \nI'm receiving 600 dollars a month from Worker's Compensation, but that is set to end early next year. Right now I am renting a room in a disgusting moldy house full of drug addicts because it's all I can afford. I haven't even looked for a job until about a month ago, because I was depressed as hell and feeling sorry for myself all the time. I quit smoking pot (which I would advise *all* depressed persons to do if they smoke it), got back in touch with some friends I had drifted away from, started eating healthier, all that jazz, and these things have helped my frame of mind but I am still very discouraged at my life's situation and it's very hard to have hope for the future.\n \nI don't receive any encouragement or support from anyone in my life. Everyone I interact with seems like they're in a mad hurry to just be rid of me. I've been studying programming while I've been unemployed, and I've actually made decent progress and created a couple things I'm quite proud of, but when I try to show them to friends/family it's like they go out of their way to ignore me. I also make music, and I try to show that to people as well, but it's the same deal. \n \nI know it doesn't matter what other people think, and all that jazz, but it's still very discouraging. I feel like I don't receive the common courtesy that would normally be given to *strangers*, even from my closest friends and family. They *know* my life has been shit the last couple years, and they *must* know *a single kind word* would do wonders for my outlook, but again, it's literally as though they go out of their way to be as indifferent as possible toward me. I was really excited about programming when I first started, and I thought I was pretty good at it, but I can feel the enthusiasm just draining away with each day that passes. I know I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't need encouragement from other people to be inspired, but I can't help it.\n \nI\"m not sure what the point of all this is. I guess I just thought my life would improve once I was less depressed, but I found that it's still the pile of shit that it was, I am the same shitty person, and the only difference is that I *care more now*, which is hardly an improvement, is it? \n \nI just have no one to talk to about any of this, I guess. When I've tried I've only received indifference or \"tough love\", which is horseshit and not helpful at all. If you read all of this, I really appreciate it.", "answer": "First of all, congrats on the progress that *you* have made. Here's what I see:\n\n* you're committed, you worked somewhere for 15 years\n* you quit smoking pot, which *you* realized wasn't helping you\n* you reconnected with people \n* you started taking better care of yourself \n* you're freaking studying, learning something new, and working toward building a new career for yourself \n\nI see you as a very competent and self-motivated person. Don't beat yourself up for wanting encouragement. We humans are social beings, we need some level of positive interaction. \n\nHave you ever thought about volunteering until you find a job? I've found that you typically meet caring and resourceful people through volunteer work. It also might do you good to feel appreciated and recognized for making positive changes in your life and the lives of others. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28ni0p", "comment_id": "cicm12v"}, {"question": "Dealing with the suicide of a very close family member.", "description": "I\u2019m 20. My little brother was 14. He took his way out a few days ago. The reasons are still unknown. He was the closest person to me. No one else knew me better and vice versa. We grew up together and had the most close brother-to-brother bond. Often he told me how important I was to him and how he looked up to me. No one saw this coming.\n\nHe was always as energetic and cheerful as a human being can be. He never really showed signs of any serious mental illness/struggle.\n\nWe are all still in shock. We are being dragged through Hell and back right now. I don\u2019t even have the words to describe this pain.\n\nI want to know if anyone here has had to deal with the loss of a very close person. What helped you recover? What stages did you go through between shock and recovery? Do you have any advice for me to help me feel better? I need sympathy/empathy.\n\nAlso to the actual therapists, what advice would you give me? I have been ignoring the place and house my brother took his life in. I am even considering moving out of the whole city. Do you think this is good for my recovery or should I go there even if I don\u2019t want to? Will going there help me or do the opposite? It would mean the world to me right now if just even one person would reach out and try to help.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "I'm so sorry. The loss of a sibling to suicide is excruciating. Please see a professional to deal with your grief, especially since your support system is also likely in deep grief.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0wknm", "comment_id": "ftou126"}, {"question": "How can I get a slightly special needs person to leave me alone?", "description": "Ok, so I just started going to college and one of the people among my little friend group has kind of gotten \\*really\\* attached to me. As in, when I'm walking around in between classes or in the commons area working or relaxing between classes, he will \\*always\\* manage to find me. \n\nI don't mind him too much as he is genuinely a fun guy to talk to sometimes, but \\*God\\*, I just want to write in peace! I want to be able to talk to one of my friends or study without him showing up and talking to me about memes and video games and Magic: The Gathering the entire time! I would love to talk about these sorts of things in the game room or when I'm free, but it feels like he's following me sometimes or that he has a crush on me?\n\nI've tried to just tell him that I'm studying, but he takes that as an invitation to sit down with me and talk to me while I'm working on things. He has mentioned that he's autistic and after talking about him to one of my friends, they said he doesn't many friends. If that wasn't true, I'd just tell him to stop fucking following me, but I don't want to hurt his feelings and possibly have problems with my other friends. Again, he's also genuinely fun to hang out with sometimes, I just want to tell him to leave me alone sometimes without coming off like a bitch?", "answer": "The thing with many people on the ASD spectrum is that they aren't always aware of some of the social \"rules\" that most people take for granted. So if you don't say something, he may never know that there is a problem. Even \"hints\" may not work. DISCLAIMER: I am an internet stranger and I don't know this guy's history, so take with a grain of salt.\n\nI would recommend being honest, direct but fair, and reassuring. You could say to him for example, \"Hey, I'm glad to see you, but I really need to focus on studying right now so I can't talk. We can talk in the game room later today if you want.\"\n\nIf he's redirecting conversations, you could say \"Hey we were just talking about (something else) actually.\"\n\nDepending on how well he knows you - you may want to sit him down at some point and explain that you enjoy his company, but you just don't want to talk about Magic or memes or whatever quite as much as he does, so you would appreciate a break. Maybe designate a certain hangout time to talk games and stuff instead of doing it constantly. HOWEVER you have to be careful if you want to do this as you don't want to hurt his feelings - but, it may be helpful for him if he had someone there for him to teach him about social situations and how far is too far - of course, I don't know his situation so maybe not. He may have had some bad experiences with friends in the past, too.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "euu809", "comment_id": "ffrkz40"}, {"question": "I have Munchhausen Syndrome. Please help.", "description": "I decided to post on here because I can't find much info on Munchhausen's online and I'm at my wits end and I really need to put a stop to this. I am 25 years old. Female. I believe I've had Munchhausen's syndrome since early adolescence and I have never told anyone about it. It's humiliating and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself. It is like a compulsion. I was diagnosed at 4 years old with stage 4 cancer. Considered terminal for some time. I was in active treatment from 4 to 6 years old. I think having a life-threatening illness at such a formative age really messed me up mentally. I love the role of \"patient\". It is comforting and familiar to me. Through my entire childhood I was in and out of hospitals and I enjoyed it. The reasons for me being sick were legitimate. I still have late-effects from my cancer treatment, however I am pretty healthy. Since my teen years I've been exaggerating or completely making up symptoms to get attention from my family and from doctors. I now work in health care and it's only gotten worse. I have taken medications to induce symptoms that otherwise I wouldn't have. I have tampered with tests. If you look up Munchhausen syndrome signs online, I have them all. I don't think anyone knows that I have this problem. I am an expert liar and manipulator. I am able to go long periods of time without acting on my \"compulsions\" and staying out of hospitals, but during these times I'm severely depressed. But sometimes I can't help it. I know it's wrong. I feel intense guilt. I am disgusted with my actions. I have previously attempted suicide because of it. How do I stop my behavior? I don't even know my first step. Can this be treated? Please help - I hate being like this. ", "answer": "Firstly, there's no reason to be upset with yourself. You have a mental disorder. A LOT of people do, and yours is no different. What you're dealing with is just as much in your control as depression or anxiety would be. You didn't ask for it, and it's pretty clear you want to change things. You aren't even doing anything wrong.\n\nReally there's only one solution. Look up your insurance, and find a therapist that's covered. Meet with them, feel if it's a good fit, and starting attending. This is all related to when you were a kid, which a therapist will know EXACTLY how to help you with. Trust me.\n\nI know it feels like a lot right now, but I can promise you what you're dealing with is extremely treatable. All it takes is that first step.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5n27g4", "comment_id": "dc90t7i"}, {"question": "Hoping to get an opinion on the affect of anti-depressants or other medication on an adolescent.", "description": "I am a 16 year old caucasian male, 6'0\" and 105 lbs (I know that's not a healthy BMI), and I have been having serious issues functioning due to psychological issues. Normal teenager stuff, but it makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning because of feelings of anxiety and uselessness.\n\nI need something to help cope with these problems, however I am concerned that anti-depressants might be the wrong choice or would have other effects which could be detrimental to my overall health.\n\nI was hoping that a neurologist or psychologist could give me some insight on this.\n\nAlso going to my parents or a doctor in person is not an option, and I don't feel comfortable explaining why here so please don't make that suggestion.\n\nI realize that this sub Reddit isn't a good alternative but I don't really have another option and at least I can get an informal opinion here so I'm better educated on my choices.\n\nThank you.\n\nOhh and I don't use any drugs for medical or recreational purposes.", "answer": "There's certainly not enough here to make a diagnosis, which would be necessary to figure out treatment. Antidepressants might be the right choice or the wrong choice. They are very widely used and very safe, but they aren't free of side effects. Psychotherapy might be helpful, but it's a big commitment in terms of time and money, and again it depends on more details than really can or should be shared over Reddit.\n\nIf you can't see a doctor it's moot, really, because you also can't get antidepressants or any other medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "89lydf", "comment_id": "dwrwqxt"}, {"question": "I will inevitably be cut off from my family for not having kids, and it's really sapping my motivation", "description": "Background:\n\nI'm very fortunate in many ways. I have my health, a wife who wants the best for me, wealthy parents and even though I got fired from my job a couple months ago, I kind of fell into something else that's more lucrative and I seem to have an aptitude for, even if it's not my dream career or anything. I make good, not great, money and can work from home much of the time.\n\nI realize most of you don't think I have real problems given that, and that's fair. People shouldn't feel sorry for me. But just want to vent.\n\nI've always been afraid of getting out of my comfort zone and I hate uncertainty, which is a major reason I don't want kids. It's also probably held me back in my career, because I want to take the bird in hand. I'd much rather be an employee than a boss, which is the exact opposite of my Type A father and brother, both of whom have kids and radiate confidence. They also make more money than me and will always because they take risks.\n\nMy family cares about nothing more than carrying on the lineage and having many children. I don't like kids and the thought of having to raise and finance one is the scariest thing ever. I'd rather travel with my wife. My wife doesn't want kids either, but if she did I'd oblige, and basically be in white-knuckled panic for 18 years. But that's neither here nor there.\n\nThis is naturally causing a lot of strain with my family, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be cut out of the will and miss out on a seven-figure inheritance. I've tried to kind of have it both ways and kick the can down the road, but my parents (and grandmother) are on to me and accuse me of being a \"taker.\" My siblings will throw me under the bus in a split second too.\n\nIt's not my money and they can do whatever they want, but the thought of me having to grind it out for the next several decades while my siblings get to have easy lives is not pleasant. I manage to keep it together at work, but it's a constant fight to get out of bed and get things done. And after being fired from my last job because I failed still stings. I've been laid off before for reasons that had nothing to do with me and didn't take it personally. This one was personal.\n\nI've been going to therapy, but it just feels like I'm throwing good money after bad. I'm mid-30s, and my dad jokingly asked me if I'd rather be his age (mid-60s) with $10 million in the bank versus my situation. It was obviously the former, and he (and my therapist) thought that was silly.\n\nI'm just kind of stuck. I don't want to kill myself, but I'm not really looking forward to grinding it out and being stressed out for another 40-50 years or so. I have very low confidence in my ability to earn significantly more than I do now (about $100K), and if something unexpected happens like a health situation for me or my wife, we're totally fucked. And walking on eggshells around my parents and kind of waiting for them to die is not a good look. My wife and I are barely being intimate anymore because I have been in a despondent mood, and it's probably only a matter of time until she bails.\n\nI guess my question is, how do I find that inner strength to persevere. I've always been the type of person who folds at the first sign of adversity and I really admire those people who fail at 14 startups before the 15th hits it big. I've already kind of resigned myself to the fact that my parents will resent me and penalize me financially and I'll never retire.\n\nI know it's about the journey, not the destination, but I feel like I'll never be at the destination I want, and the journey will be full of stress. Is there a way to minimize stress and find happiness? Going through the motions just seems pointless.\n\nAnyway, sorry for the long post but wanted to get this off my chest", "answer": "You shouldn\u2019t be forced to have children if you don\u2019t want to. No one should be forced to be a parent. If you\u2019re instincts are telling you not to have kids, listen. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9wuuiv", "comment_id": "e9ngimt"}, {"question": "Baclofen and Subutex", "description": "I'm stuck on subutex and boy do I regret it. I got addicted to Tramadol 12 years ago. i decided I should get off, and the doctor put me on subutex. i regret that so much, but alas, that's where I'm at. I've been on it for 4 years now, afraid to get off from all the stories.\n\nanyway, here's my question. I was prescribed baclofen 20mg for back spasm (sciatic nerve problem) and I am afraid to take it.\n\nif I understand right if you take some druge while on subutex it can throw you into withdrawal. I'm terrified of that, but I desperately need relief from this pain.\n\nis this something to worry about? i'm not even a little worried about getting hooked, i just want to make sure there's no interaction worry", "answer": "Baclofen isnt an opiate, so you're fine.\n\nInteresting thoughts on your journey on Subutex - you may well be right, through it would also be interesting to wonder what your life be like if you weren't on it - either self-detoxed and well, or in a downward spiral towards death.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xm6jy", "comment_id": "d6gvvnm"}, {"question": "A bit about how the government almost got me killed and raped, and why I can't work with my Dad or go back to school. [rant]", "description": "I posted this in response to someone on askreddit, but I felt like posting it here. I have a lot of anxiety issues and I decided to subscribe to this subreddit so I can rant occasionally, and also talk to people who go through similar things. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I've been down on myself since forever because I can't work. I dropped out of school when I was 15. Anyways...\n\nThe last week has been full of flashbacks and shit. Basically the government was responsible for putting me in a situation where I was almost killed and raped and I am very traumatized, and my government paid therapist quit seeing me because she is a shitty therapist and I have nowhere to turn to so I'm almost literally rotting away, at least my teeth are. I have had a sinus infection since november and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get really sick and die soon.\n\nI'm just high functioning autistic. I need help and the government isn't helping me except they pay for my house and that's it. My social worker doesn't even phone me she wouldnt know if I died.\n\nI tried working but the PTSD stopped me because my dad works in a store that has a major trigger. Box cutter/retractable blade reminded me of someone who used to slit his wrists to get a reaction out of us, and 2x4 reminded me of when the same guy would ge tlocked in a theraputic queit room to stop him from attacking us and a 2x4 was jammed in the ahllway to stop the door from busting out. I can't go back to school because someone I met in group therapy for aspergers tried to get me in the bathroom so he could rape me. My occupational therapist ditche dme because I was trying to go to the dentist so my sinus infection and rotting teeth would be fixed before I went to school.\nI can't really afford to pay for a new therapist on my own. All the government paid ones were shit to me.\n\nI'd be able to work with my dad if that wasn't the case, but it is and it's all due to really shitty therapists and health care system! I don't care if I take money from the government or if people think I'm a lazy stoner, because I know myself why I can't work or go back to school.\n\n(I don't actually smoke weed I just like the word stoner.)\n\n", "answer": "While of course it is impossible to tell via reddit, you seem to be a bit manic. Consider going to a hospital.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y6zvk", "comment_id": "c5tb61k"}, {"question": "I can't have sex with my partner", "description": "I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend for about 1,5 years. I feel like we can truly connect emotionally. In the beginning, we had lots of sex and I truly enjoyed it.\n\nBut for the past year ish, I've been feeling so tense around him and about sex. Suddenly in my mind, he sees me as a sex object. This is not true by any means. But whenever he kisses me or grabs my butt or calls me hot I just feel icky. I feel like he's using my body as a hole where he can get off.\n\nAgain, this isn't actually true when you look at the facts. But sometimes it's like I can't even go on a romantic dinner with him because in my mind he's just waiting to get home and get me undress as a reward for being with me for two hours at a restaurant. \n\nThe only times I can have sex is when I'm drunk or high. And yes, it's normal to want to have sex when you're intoxicated but it's maybe not normal to *only* want it then. These are the only occassions where I don't feel like I'm stuck in my own head with his (assumed by me) expectations.\n\nWhenever I bring this up he feels accused of being an animal. Which is What I sometimes feel he is. Bur then my mind goes into splitting and I despise him even more for just talking back instead of listening and try to work with me.\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "If you have ever been sexually assaulted I would seek a trauma-focused therapist in your area. \n\nIf not, could just be fear of intimacy. Either way you can work it out! Good luck!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6hlx5h", "comment_id": "dizcmnu"}, {"question": "Doctor insisted I get shots non-related to my illness while I\u2019m already suffering from a bacterial infection, logical?", "description": "I have a bacterial infection in my right armpit, not life threatening but painful and gross nonetheless. I went in to get an antibiotic and he kept suggesting to get the Flu/HPV/Other shots that I was eligible for that day. Is that logical of him to suggest since the shots essentially infect me while I am trying to overcome a current one?", "answer": "Yes, it makes sense. Unless you are seriously systemically sick there are few reasons not to get recommended vaccines.\n\nMost shots don't infect you, and the ones that do infect you with attenuated versions that don't make you sick. You can feel sick because of the immune response, but more immune response isn't going to hurt you when you're sick from something else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ab8yuh", "comment_id": "ecydk4e"}, {"question": "I was a victim of a horrible online cyber bullying attack I want family and friends to have my back.", "description": "Nearly 200 people commented with a majority of the comments with name calling and hate speech. \n\nIdiot \nStupid \nDumbass \nDumbf*** \n\nEverything I see on Facebook reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Instagram reminds me of it.\nEverything I see on Netflix reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Twitter reminds me of it. \nEverything I watch on YouTube reminds me of it. \n\nI can't keep living like this. \n\nI am back on my anti depressants atleast. \n\nFluoxetine (AM) and Risperidone (PM). \n\nDespite some of the really nasty comments, alot of them were actually reality mild \n\nJust everything reminds of this horrible social media event with Strangers who were mostly American. Our Canadian Gun Laws are very different were not everyone can get a gun without special licensing and training. \n\nI suffer several Mental Health Issues. \n\nIf See Attractive Caucasian Women with guns and Imagine them making fun of me. \n\n\"Oh Yeah, that (spells my name) I'd shoot that r*****. \n\nI'm just a 24/m trying to live my life.", "answer": "I'm not trying to minimize what you're experiencing, and I'm sorry about what happened to you, but, in the grand scheme of things, 200 people is a small group of bored people. It didn't go viral and, honestly, most of those people have probably forgotten about whatever it is you posted. While it certainly sounds like you feel you were personally attacked, do you think you're giving those people your power to allow them to hurt you? You are giving them much more credit than they deserve. Reserve your power for yourself. \n\nUnfortunately, if you do not feel that you are mentally tough enough to endure the incessant drama, criticism, and attacks on social media, or if it is too triggering, perhaps you should take a break. Live your life IRL.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egw8sd", "comment_id": "fcamhr3"}, {"question": "Am I Verbally Abusive?..", "description": "Tl;dr at bottom\n\nMy fiance [22/M] and I [20/F] got in an \"argument\" this morning when I woke up and found out that he accidentally set the thermostat to 61F last night because he didn't turn on the light to check what he was looking at. Just a little background info, we live in Texas and it's still hot outside (roughly 70F - 80F every night) we try to keep the thermostat on 74F because we are college students and don't have much income from our part-time jobs. \n\nLast night he was feeling hot and went to turn down the thermostat and turned it down too low because he didn't turn on the light to check it. I woke up this morning thinking that a cold front had finally come in to relieve us of the aching heat and he told still groggy, still laying in bed, barely awake me that he had turned it down to 61F last night on accident. I said \"WHAT?\" and immediately covered my eyes in frustration with him. \n\nIt has been an ongoing discussion between us that we don't have money and we're penny pinching every paycheck just to afford food and gas. I asked him how he managed to do that and he admitted that he didn't look. This really frustrated me guys. My parents grew up really poor and we would never even allowed to touch the thermostat because even one degree cooler in Texas in the summer heat can add a tremendous amount of money to our bill.\n\nHe didn't know this of course. He said \"How bad can it be?\" Of course. He grew up comfortably without ever having to worry about things like that. And even now, I'm the one who pays the bills. We both work, but the budget is my responsibility because he doesn't know how to 'manage' his finances. \n\nI get really upset with him. I'll admit that maybe I was a little harsh. I said things like \"You were too lazy to turn on the light to look at the thermostat.\" I yelled at him and told him that I feel like from the moment I wake up I am putting out his fires. I'm doing his homework on occasion because he doesn't bother to look ahead. And that he doesn't think about how his actions will affect me. And that I really didn't want my parents to be right about him and our relationship, but he makes it increasingly difficult for me to stand up to them when he makes dumb mistakes like this so frequently.\n\nHe was quiet the whole time looking away from my eyes, not saying anything. And then he just said \"Enough! You're being to harsh. I already apologized. What else do you want from me? You're verbally abusing me!\" I was appalled by this. I admit maybe I was being harsh, but I can't tell you how often stuff like this happens with him and I don't feel like I can even get upset with him without his pride getting hurt and him shutting off from me.\n\nIt's not the first time he accused me of verbally abusing him. I looked it up after he left to work to see if I really was and I was blinded to it. I couldn't really find any good info. I don't feel like I was. I was yelling at him and telling him how I feel and that he's lazy... But I was abused before so maybe that desensitized me? \n\nPlease help. I am so confused if I am in the wrong and verbally abusive. Or if he just doesn't want confrontation and believes it's because I am. Sorry about formatting. I am new to posting on reddit.\n\n\n\n**Tl;dr** : My fiance[22/M] accused me[20/F] of verbally abusing him today because he mistakenly turned the thermostat way too low. I felt like I was just yelling and saying things that people say in arguments like \"you're lazy.\", \"There's a pattern to your mistakes.\" \"It makes me feel like you don't value my hard work in keeping our budget low.\" I don't deny I was yelling at him, but I don't think anything I said was \"putting him in a corner\" or verbally abusive. But I don't know if it is just because I am desensitized to previous experiences I have had with someone abusive.\n\n\n\nEdit 1: He also told me \"at least I told the truth. I could've lied but I didn't.\"\n\nEdit 2: formatting\n\n\nEdit 3: I see now that there are a lot of things I have to work on. I over reacted and behaved in a way that wasn't productive. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice! It really helped open my eyes to his point of view and to the things that I need to improve on!", "answer": "most define verbal abuse as name calling and swearing. but constant yelling is abusive too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74gify", "comment_id": "dny9w10"}, {"question": "Today I finally went to my school's therapist.", "description": "After so many years of self doubting, and my mom telling me it was a waste of time and money, that mental illnesses aren't real and that they're \"just a phase\", today I was able to go and talk to my school's therapist, thanks to a little push from my friends.\n\nI still feel as if I'm dreaming and this is all just my imagination, I never thought I would ever be able to talk to somebody about my issues, and I'm so glad I did.\n\nShe told me to go back next week, and that she wants us to work together in getting me better.\n\nI'm extremely excited! I finally did it!!! This is the first step on my journey to a healthier life!!!", "answer": "Also a therapist, and have been in therapy over the years myself. You can and will get better! You don\u2019t have to suffer. Doing my own therapy and having therapists who were dedicated to helping me is what inspired me to become a therapist and give back in a meaningful way.\n\nI wish you the best of luck! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atdqhj", "comment_id": "eh1ave5"}, {"question": "[Help] Pushing myself to work hard and improve", "description": "So ill make this question short. When you aren't very good at something but want to improve, how do you convince your pessimistic self to dedicate time to study, practice, and learn strategies or things you should be doing?\n\n\nThe following is just an example. You don't have to read it.\n\nSorry if this is confusing, ill make a personal example. I have gotten back into playing League of Legends recently, and i wanted to try out ranked mode. After multiple losses and losing my lane (top lane), it became obvious to me that I havent been playing right nor getting the right items. When i realized this, suddenly two options appeared in front of me. \n\nOption 1: spend some of your precious free time to watch videos, go into bot matches and practice until you have improved your gameplay.\n\nOption 2: Quit, lay in bed and wallow in self-pity and think about why i am like this, and why am i not talented like other people. And cry.\n\n\nOption 1 is the obviously the best choice with the best outcome. However, for me, its not that simple. I start leaning toward Option 2 because it is something i am used to, and because i keep convincing myself that taking time learn something will be a waste of time and also takes effort. These two options also appear when looking at exercising and losing weight, and studying for exams.\n\nSo i want to know how a stubborn depressed person is able to push themselves to do option 1?", "answer": "1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. The only person you need to beat is your *past self*... because if you do, you're improving!\n\n2) Take it one step at a time. Make a list of things that could help you improve. Narrow it down to things you can accomplish (easily), then break it down further. Maybe watch one video a day. Maybe spend one game in bots per day. Or set a certain amount of time, like 1 hour per every other day or whatever schedule works for you.\n\nUltimately getting better at league isn't all that important but being able to accomplish a goal for yourself is. But reframe the goal a bit - it's not about hitting Gold or Plat or Diamond or whatever... it's about putting in that practice work every single day.\n\nCheck out r/thexeffect. It's a tool to help build good habits and stay on track to reach your goals. If you want to change, you can't expect a huge turnaround in one day - you have to build up a habit over time, so you don't get overwhelmed and eventually it'll be easy because you always do it.", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "77e54t", "comment_id": "dolmpvi"}, {"question": "I just did a very bad thing to a very bad person, was it so wrong?", "description": "She got what she deserved, and at that, she got off lucky. It wasn't subjective. It was sick what she did. She was manipulative, socipathic, and amongst her zero remorse she faked suicide attempts, ruined possessions, friendships, etc.\n\nI didn't do this for retribution. It was my moral obligation. I won't go into specifics, because you don't want to know. Simply put: I hurt the sociopath, bad, and I gave her a taste of her own medicine. I enjoyed it, too. Maybe too much. Sometimes I lost focus of how I was simply trying to mitigate the future harm she would cause and I just started to indulge upon the joy of squeezing her windpipe closed (metaphorically).\n\nNot asking for forgiveness. But I felt compelled and it feels justified. It's only worrisome that I enjoyed it. Somehow I wonder if I am any better than her.", "answer": "Maybe it\u2019s just balance. I kinda lived vicariously through your story a little. I\u2019m always the nice, pushover, and this year I let someone have it. Really laid in to them and made them feel small. At the time it felt great, freeing. It ended up getting me in trouble in a way that I would\u2019ve seen coming, if not blinded by vengeance. I paid my dues and it\u2019s over now, but in hindsight it wasn\u2019t worth it. Which is a shame, because she suckkkkkked. And I truly don\u2019t usually feel that way about people. Sounds like you don\u2019t either. Just know the world needs people who knock others off their pegs when they need it. They may (hopefully) be a better person because of it and it be a catalyst for change \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffd\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aiw9hj", "comment_id": "eeqzwf6"}, {"question": "I find it hard to emotionally comfort people who aren't sexual partners?", "description": "I can easily comfort an upset partner. I can hug them hold their hand and tell them that things are going to be ok. But I find that I can't comfort people I have normal friendships with yet it seems normal people are able to do that. I feel icky if I as so much put my hand on their back. It sucks because I really want to learn how to comfort people but it just makes me feel sick. Is it do with the lack of empathy thing?", "answer": "You may have some ptsd-like reaction to crossing boundaries with people? I fear being or acting out in front of someone I'm not as comfortable with. Or like, will be careful not to cross boundaries because I so easily can", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c88l56", "comment_id": "esl39vd"}, {"question": "(NEED ADVICE) ADHD - lack of focus/motivation & depressed. Tried WB/Concerta/Ritalin", "description": "Hello,\n\nI always had big problems focussing or remembering things in school/university. I guess the only reason I was able to pass them was being smart and making up for it. But as long as I can remember I have a super hard time focussing even only for 15minutes. \n\nGet easily distracted, sidetracked. Impulsive, hard to motivate, to get going and stay in one task. Its impossible. Im 32 now. Back then nobody ever thought of getting me diagnosed. \n\nWell so far I've been diagnosed now with ADHD - still not finding the right help tho. \n\nI tried Wellbutrin (helped a bit with motivation & focus but only a bit)\nRitalin (helped a bit but made me feel weird and addicted and always gave me headaches / crashes)\nConcerta (also headaches and had less effect then the Ritalin 10mg RX) \n\nI feel a bit lost. I would like to try Adderall, because I see it seems to be the best choice for more people, but in my country it isnt available. \n\nMy doc says we can still try Strattera, but I see very bad reviews (5.2/10) average on drugs.com. So what Im asking here I guess is, if anyone has same experiences and could maybe point me into the right direction or give me a tip whast to do/try.\n\nThank you\n\n\nEDIT: WORST PART - im always SUPER lethargic and tired. Never full of energy. NEVER. I dont know when last time I woke up and thought \"yeah im full of energy\". Like literally not in 20years. ", "answer": "Hey! I just got diagnosed last week (I'm 28). I wanted to start on Concerta, but my insurance said they don't cover stimulants for anyone over age 17, so I started on Strattera.\n\nI just wanted to offer that I'm doing alright on it after a week. There are some side effects, and I'm patiently waiting it out. If you're out of options, it might be the way to go if your doctor recommends it. Be aware, though, that it has showed an increased risk of depression in adolescents. This doesn't necessarily mean it will make that worse for you, but it's something to be aware of.\n\nRead through the experiences of others on this subreddit to see if you think it might be worth a shot. It sounds like, though, that you'd be willing to try anything at this point, so don't be too discouraged about the 5.2/10 rating on drugs.com. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7x8ue5", "comment_id": "du6r64v"}, {"question": "Allen Carr", "description": "I'm wondering how many SD people have read the book Allen Carr's book \"The Easy Way to Stop Drinking.\" I'm looking for a book to help motivate me and I'm wondering if this is a good one. ", "answer": "It's decent and has been mentioned here quite a bit. It has some great points, like fully appreciating what alcohol does for you will actually help you stay clean and that there are ways to avoid willpower battles. It's not add great as advertised though so you'll need to augment. It's still a good read and IMO more important than any 12-step book. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "42pl9t", "comment_id": "czc68wp"}, {"question": "My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago", "description": "So my boyfriend (20/m) cheated on me (21/f) around December of 2015. Now him and I met online and met up a couple times that year, 2015. I live in Oregon and he lived in arizona. We finally decide that we should live together and so he was set to come move in with me and start our lives. I'd say a week before he came he told that he had cheated on me. And I was in complete shock because I never thought he would do this to me. I told him to still come out and we can figure things out. But in my heart I was so broken and I told him everything I felt and we've talked many of times on this subject but the end of 2016 till now I haven't touched on that subject. But due to my parents going through some issues I've been thinking about him cheating on me and why he did it. I also want to know exactly how it went, I even want to see the girl he slept with. But don't get me wrong , I love this man he's helped me fight my demons but this particular issue is something that I can't make it go away. I know that I need closure and I think having him tell him all of this would help me. But I'm scared that it will just hurt me. I simply don't know how to approach this question. Do I just be blunt or build it up and then ask a question. Or what?! Is it even worth me asking? I'm so stump in my own thoughts and I just want an opinion from someone who understands me. ", "answer": "It's not gonna go away to hear all the details or to see her photo or her social media account or whatever. \n\nIt will begin to fade if you are willing to recognize that he cheated because of him. Whatever dynamics and signals he was responding to in your relationship or in the world, he had options, and he chose a terrible one. Doesn't mean he's worthless or that you can't have a relationship with him, but that's what he did. \n\nIf he's changed the kinds of choices he's making, then he's changed. If he hasn't, knowing that she was lovely or ugly or just some mundane human being lady is not going to change that; and hearing the details and searing them further into your head is only going to give you further grounds for disgust. \n\nClosure is a mirage. You can walk away from loose ends and nagging questions and be happy. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fzb2i", "comment_id": "dim821d"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to? If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation? Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone? I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions? Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "cnnx4qe"}, {"question": "So someone pissed all over my laptop", "description": "Hi RA\n\n Early this morning I come back home from my friend's dorm. I went to go check my laptop for Facebook and whatnot. I notice that the green light isn't on on the charger which is plugged in. I open the laptop and liquid starts pouring out from it. A lot of it. I run and grab a towel and start to mop it up. It's a fowl smelling liquid. Long story short, I determined that someone opened my laptop, urinated inside of it, and then closed it because the top of the laptop wasn't wet at all.\n\nMy roommates all deny it and they say that the people they had over Friday night (I was gone most of that night as well) didn't do it. I hadn't used my laptop since Thursday so I don't know when this happened. The last thing I did with my laptop of put it on my desk and plug it in. \n\nNow after talking with with my roommates some more I have this information: \n\nRoommate #1: very, defensive about it. \n\"I'm sorry this happened, but no one here did it! So stop bringing it up\" Insinuating that I did it. He is short, though, and I don't think he'd be able to pee on my desk and laptop with out standing on a chair. Which he would have fallen off. Also he isn't one to get super wasted so I don't think it was him. \n\nRoommate #2: tried cocaine Saturday night. Got very drunk the night on Friday. Got defensive as well. Asked if I was sure I didn't do it. (I'm sure I didn't. I came back on Friday slightly drunk, went to the actual bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then went to sleep. On Saturday, I was completely sober). \n\nRoommate #3: seemed genuinely surprised. I don't think it was him. \n\nFriend #1: Was over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. \n\nFriend #2: Over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. Does \"crazy things\" when he is drunk according to another friend. \n\nHow do I go about confronting them? I've talked to my roommates, but not the friends that were over. Im currently drying it in a sealed bag with rice, but i have no idea if it'll turn on again. Any experience with similar situations?\n\nThanks in advance RA\n\n", "answer": "Do you live in a dorm? If so, report them to your RA. That is unacceptable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "16yaay", "comment_id": "c80qif3"}, {"question": "Why don't girls ever do this?", "description": "I saw [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fti75/did_i_make_a_huge_mistake/) this morning, and it got me thinking that you often see guys in these long relationships where they suddenly seem to realize that they'll never love the person they're with, but you rarely see women posting saying they've dated someone for three years, and just don't see a future with them. Is it a gender difference? I feel as though I know (I am female) pretty quickly whether or not I would be interested in a person and if I'm not or it seems like I never will, I don't go further with it. I just don't really understand how you someone ends up being with someone for years and years and then realizes they'll never actually love them.\n\n**Edit**: I would also add that I feel as though it is men who often feel as though women are not \"bringing enough intellectually to the table.\" This is another aspect of things that I think is pretty quickly discernible, and it's strange that several months or years down the line, you suddenly realize that it's a thing. \n\n**Edit 2**: This is also mostly based on posts in this and other relationshippy subreddits, where I feel as though I see these things played out. Someone ought to conduct a study where they characterize the nature of posts by men and women in a particular subreddit over a year or something. We might be able to learn something.", "answer": "I may be able to offer some insight here. I'm a (male) licensed therapist.\n\nI think guys are more likely to make the mistake of thinking that love is JUST an emotion that we don't have any control over. It's either there or it isn't.\n\nWomen seem to be more likely to understand that love is more than just an emotion and we can actively change how we feel about another person with some work. Unfortunately, the mistake they usually make is believing that the work should come from the male in the relationship. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ftq7u", "comment_id": "c1ikc2b"}, {"question": "Trying to find a therapist in my community.", "description": "I have not been in therapy for a long time but am in a serious depression right now. I have a list of names from my insurance but no idea which of them is any good or who would be a good match. How do I go about finding a decent match?", "answer": "Psych Today is a good start, but if at all possible, ask around. If you know a therapist or have a connection to a therapist in your personal life, getting a personal recommendation from them may save you a lot of time + money in trying to find someone that\u2019s a good fit. As a therapist, I find referrals for friends and family members all the time - I think it\u2019s one of the most important things I\u2019m able to do.\n\nI hope you\u2019re able to find someone that\u2019s a good fit for you! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b5j1qj", "comment_id": "ejf8c39"}, {"question": "Memory problems?", "description": "Good afternoon. \nI'm 18 years old, and i'm being worried about my memory problems.\nI can't remember what I did yesterday or days before, unless I concentrate really hard and think about it. Like, yesterday I went to dentist and I forgot that completely, before my gf actually reminded me about that. \nWhat can I do?", "answer": "There's nothing wrong here. You have no cognitive deficits (you actually recall things you\"forget\" with concentration). You're just being absent minded.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51z281", "comment_id": "d7gqrt8"}, {"question": "Wife hates my parents ever since our son was born. Their first (and probably only) grandchild.", "description": "Am I just taking this the wrong way? Ever since our child was born 6 months ago my wife has been pushing my parents away. It is their first grandchild my wife's second child ( she has a teenage son) and my first. She constantly holds the fact that she raised a child already over my head when I do things differently from her, she also uses her age to her advantage too (she's 10 years older than me 29, 39). She doesn't like my parents visiting because they overstay their welcome and take too many pictures of our son. Currently they visit twice a month if they're lucky and they can't even ask for pictures without her getting weird and it starting a fight. I know my parents are just loving and they help us and her mom any time we need it. She thinks they are overbearing and smothering. I can't defend them without it starting a fight and now I can't even send them pictures of their grandson either because I would have to do it behind her back and ask them not to post it on social media because it would make her mad to know I sent them pictures. I don't know what to do, my parents weren't perfect but they are good people that help anyone with anything on the drop of a hat and I feel terrible that they can't see their grandson more than twice a month. And I can't defend them, because she just thinks they want to be parents to our son and not grandparents, and that they would try to take our son away from her if we got divorced. ", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t want you sending pictures to them? That\u2019s 90% of the fun of parenting. \n\nWhat the hell is going on, man?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7483qb", "comment_id": "dnw6nww"}, {"question": "Working the steps", "description": "I am 30 days in. I have read about people \u2018working\u2019 the steps and now I feel I am ready to get started, but what does that mean? Does the Big Book indicate how to do that - anyone got page numbers?", "answer": "Get yourself a sponsor who has worked the steps themself. Great decision to do the steps. They ARE the program of recovery! Best of luck!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bsbxv7", "comment_id": "eompt68"}, {"question": "Severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* Age: 18\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5\u20194\u201d\n* Weight: 130 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?)\n* Location (Geographic and on body): TX. Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues\n * Celiac disease\n * Not recently glutened\n * ADHD\n * Autism Spectrum Disorder\n * Depression\n * Decently well controlled. I had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but I am doing well now.\n * Anxiety\n * Vitamin D deficiency\n * Osteopoikilosis\n * obsessive tendencies\n* Current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)\n * Xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)\n * Focalin XR 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)\n * Abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. For autism irritability)\n * Zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)\n * Catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. Used for sleep)\n\nOkay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:\n\nI've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. It started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where I cannot get anything done in school (and I desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so I can graduate!). Any time I try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. I can't break through it. I can only complete assignments when I'm in the right mood which happens almost never. I can't think, I can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and I can't do anything I need to do. The only times I don't feel like this is when I get obsessed about something, or I'm at work. One day I may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the GEDCOM file for my family tree, the next I might be obsessed with studying for the PTCE (I'm a pharmacy technician). I can function at work.\n\nIn addition to this, when I'm on my period, I get *really* depressed. Like how bad it was Freshman year. When I'm not on my period, I'm happy.\n\nDo I need to change ADHD meds? Or is something else wrong? I am desperate to find out what to do.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: Added dosages and sig", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. Several of your meds can cause sedation or counteract the others\u2019 effectiveness.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "emjc92u"}, {"question": "What is something you do to make your face feel clean again, apart from picking ?", "description": "I go home at the end of the day and feel my face heavy with all my imperfections. What is a routine that helps you feel like you're all good ?", "answer": "Wash with something gentle. I use cerave foaming face wash. And then apply a face mask! You can't pick with a mask on and my skin feels clean and happy afterwards. I'd recommend heading on over to r/skincareaddiction if you want to start building up your own healthy routine. ", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "5cdsyw", "comment_id": "d9w8xp7"}, {"question": "Help with compulsions", "description": "I guess I have OCD, but it hasn't been diagnosed. Right now, I compulsively bite the shit out of my fingers, I have a great deal of trouble with any kind of confrontation (I recently got into a mild spot of trouble because after a car accident I immediately said I was responsible), and a few smaller things. I also suffer from paranoia and wild mood swings. For some reason I'm terrified of seeking help. I think about it and generally dismiss the notion. I came here to see how I might go about getting help because I've faked general normalcy for a long, long time since my first big suicide attempt, but an old compulsion I thought I was rid of has returned: cutting. I try my best to hide them, but I have scars from the past, and right now my left hand is covered in bandaid and a makeshift bandage for a larger cut. I don't know if I can hide it at work tomorrow. How can I overcome myself to seek help? \n \nThis is a throwaway I used to ask one question once. I just felt the need to elaborate for some reason. ", "answer": "A small thing you can try is wrapping your fingers with Band-Aids. The hope is that when you go to bite your fingers, there will be a Band-Aid in the way and you won't do it, unfortunately they are obviously noticeable. As for the others things going on in your life, I am not comfortable giving advice without knowing you more. Therefore, you should seek treatment and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist would be most effective for the compulsions but for the other things in your past you may need a different therapist. You need to think about why you dismiss the notion of going. Think past the dismissing to what the deeper issue is. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scf0a", "comment_id": "cnop85i"}, {"question": "Do psyhchiatrists usually diagnose patients within the hour of being seen for an intake appointment? I think I was wrongly diagnosed. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features not too long ago but I have yet to have a depressive episode.", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 87lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a while\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations, Raynaud's syndrome.\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\n\nHi, it's me again. The girl who said she didn't sleep for 30+ days. After, a couple of weeks after that post, I think I started sleeping at least 2-3 hours a day which is definitely better than how I was before that. I just feel like I'm all over the place. I feel like a bad person and people online call me a manipulator and abusive person. Their were a couple times this week that I have driven to a bridge but was unsuccessful finding parking to walk there and contemplate suicide. I even wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family. People think I'm doing all of this for attention online but I'm serious. I think I was either wrongly diagnosed or have both bipolar and bpd. I'm very impulsive as a person. I don't think I've had a depressive episode after the 30+ days of no sleep. \n\nI don't know if that has to do with my ADHD. I just also feel like it would be better for everyone around me as well as people I've talked to online that I leave this world. I think it would do everyone a favor. I think the reason why the last pshchiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder was because I had a time in the past where I would have a episodes of no motivation during school semesters or the summer. I have flunked so many times because of no motivation and just doubting myself as well as losing jobs due to not wanting to get out of bed or not wanting to go to work. Anxiety has also played a role. \n\nDuring the 30 days of no sleep, I went to the hospital multiple times because of the bad anxiety and sleeping issue. I think the spending issue could possibly be related to both bpd and bipolar disorder because I have not spend so much money like actually maxing out my credits cards all the time. Only time I did this was last month as well as the beginning of this month and last year during my birthday maybe. During last year, I made a post about being potentially schizphrenic because I was extremely terrified of my house and saw ghosts as well as heard things here and there. This year and last year I would hear my name being called at work or home but nobody would say it or nobody was there. I got kicked out of a university last year because my GPA was so bad for 3 semester's. \n\nI would self harm in the my car in the parking lot. I also do that sometimes out of anger, punishment, and sometimes to feel pain for no reason. I also have been on and off with being very hypersexual. I have never had sex before but I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling and am sorry about that. I probably missed a couple things. I would rather thing having borderline personality disorder to be surprising because I don't think I've ever been abused. Also, I forgot to mention during the time of not sleeping for 30+ days and other symptoms I was very irritable and snapped a couple times by breaking some of the items I really cherished. I drive when I'm really upset and sometimes recklessly or I'm like numb or zoned out. That happened yesterday. Almost got into a couple accidents the day I really thought I should end it. \n\nI also forgot to mention that during the 30+ days of no sleep I was hearing and seeing things here and there but nothing like last year. That was the worst time of my life. I would beg my parents to come home because I was so afraid of being home alone and getting attacked by something or someone. I'm not going to lie, I think drugs are poison but at the same time I want someone to help me. I'm just afraid. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. People online that I've talked to think I'm crazy because I overreacted about someone acting like me on my discord account and I thought I was genuinely being hacked and freaking out over it via text. So they banned me. I have really bad anger outbursts but it's usually when im provoked or when I feel like I'm being attacked most of the time or made fun of. I don't think I've been in a depressive episode after the 30 days of no sleep. \n\nAnyway, I'm sorry I'm all over the place. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. It's what people online tell me but all I want is for someone to help me and card about me. I'm seeing a neurologist another psychiatrist and another appointment at a hospital I think with a therapist in a couple weeks. I just want someones professional opinion on all of this. Am I a toxic person? I'm just frustrated with my entire life and just everything going on. I don't know what to do. I'm trying weed for the first time this week. I went to great lengths to get it because I think maybe it'll fix me.", "answer": "I\u2019d like to emphasize what u/psychick said but add that you should not use marijuana. If you have had any psychotic symptoms then marijuana is a high-risk drug to use. Please don\u2019t. It will not help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw7v6r", "comment_id": "ey8z5ic"}, {"question": "Ex (22/F) wants me (24/M) to delete all our photos off social media. Is this fair?", "description": "On one hand it's her image, and I feel I should respect that. At the same time I personally don't delete all evidence of relationships because I can see the positives even in a break up. I very much enjoyed the relationship before it became unhealthy. I do delete photos of intimacy (e.g kissing), but just general photos I prefer not to. I'm unsure how to proceed because I've never been asked before. Honestly it doesn't impact her life anymore as we are separated. She doesn't have to look at my account. Am I being unfair? ", "answer": "you're entitled to your space and privacy; unless there are sexual pictures with ex-es", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61akq7", "comment_id": "dfd6a4c"}, {"question": "So, just to be clear: As a 25 year old uninsured American in poverty, there's no way for me to talk to a qualified therapist on a regular basis. Is that correct?", "description": "Just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything.", "answer": "If you live near a university check out their psychology/counseling MA programs. Usually there is a practicum component when the students will see clients under supervision. These sessions are usually free or low cost. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7gl6if", "comment_id": "dqkwoy0"}, {"question": "My (32F) husband (34M) has trouble reaching climax due to the antidepressant cocktail he\u2019s on. What can I do to help aside from him changing medications?", "description": "First off, my husband needs all of these medications. If he comes off of them, he loses touch with reality and things get really bad, even dangerous (towards himself). \nOur sex life is suffering because of this. He is amazing and always makes sure I\u2019m more than taken care of, but he simply does not get off and more often than not, he ends up in pain.\nRealistically speaking, I know this isn\u2019t my fault, but it really affects my self esteem to the point where I dread and even avoid sex. It\u2019a extremely important to me that he gets off and every time he doesn\u2019t, I feel myself shutting down a little more. This is made worse by the fact that we are trying to have a baby....\n\nI love this man with all of my heart and can\u2019t see myself with anyone else. How can I help him reach climax? He doesn\u2019t have issues with getting an erection, just the end part. \nAny advice, links and books are welcomed. \n\nThank you. \n\nTL;DR my husband cannot reach climax due to medication and I want to know what I can do in order to help him.", "answer": "I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. They are trained to help couples manage things like this. It sounds like there is a conflict between \"is it the drugs that is keeping him from climaxing or is it me?\" SOMEWHERE in there.\n\nAlso, something to keep in mind...... hyper-focusing on climax and potentially shunning other parts of sex or looking at them simply as a way to reach climax will not do you any favors in this situation. \n\nAlso, seconding the idea of talking with the doctor to see about the side effects of the medication and what could possibly be done.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ety9jm", "comment_id": "ffjf3os"}, {"question": "I need some help on what I should do now.", "description": "I'm (20/M) and I like this girl (21/F) a lot. Basically, I've known her since my first year in college and we only got closer as friends last year, However, we've gotten VERY close. She considers me her best guy friend by a mile.\n\nShe's intelligent, beautiful and has a dynamic personality. I really can't stop thinking about her each and every day, and I would consider myself humbled to be with a girl like her. I always find myself blushing and trying not to smile when I'm around her, and I sound like an idiot sometimes because the words don't come out right, and I consider myself as articulate as they come. She's had relationship issues in the past, and her trust in guys has been wavering because of her experience, but she seems to be genuinely comfortable and happy when I'm around her, and I feel the same, perhaps to a greater extent. I haven't been in a relationship or so much as kissed someone lol.\n\nMy problem is that I want to tell her my true feelings about her (and I'd be completely okay if we remained close friends), but I don't want to run the risk of making things awkward between us if she doesn't feel the same way. She is truly my best friend, and if things were to change for the worse by doing so, then the only person I know who feels comfortable with me in her room, texts me consistently and can talk about anything could change, and I want to avoid that scenario by all means.\n\nShe hasn't told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and a part of me would like to think she secretly feels the same way about me, but she's hard to read sometimes. So I ask what my best move should be? We are clearly comfortable with each other, and I don't want to run the risk of losing her to someone else if she was waiting for me to make a move. I also don't want to ruin the current relationship I have now. Thanks for any advice you can give!", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel and hope you're both mature enough to remain best friends if she doesn't feel the same way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64al4d", "comment_id": "dg0mw5o"}, {"question": "I need to find my GF a professional to talk to about her dad's death", "description": "It's been a long journey but I have decided she needs to talk with a professional. I'm not always in town for my GF when she's sad. She needs someone she can go and see on hour's notice to talk in person. Who should I be searching for on Google? As in, what is the job called? Thanks so much", "answer": "Schedule an intake with a therapist. Depending on her insurance, there are a ton of different services out there to help her out.\n\nBut the first thing that needs to happen is a discussion with her about services. Make sure professional help is something she wants.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3zbdpn", "comment_id": "cykuu2j"}, {"question": "Should I force my girlfriend to move to my country for my dream job?", "description": "I am living with my girlfriend in a European country where I do not speak the language and I am currently unemployed. I've been looking for jobs here but not had too much luck yet. I am 30 but pretty much in the beginning of my career. Got out of college pretty late and had two shorter jobs. Now I have an offer for a great job that fits my career goals (as a R&D engineer). The only problem is that the job is in a city in my own country (about one hour flight from our current city). \n\nMy girlfriend, 25, recently graduated and basically has her dream job here (although only on a short contract for now). She has said that she might consider moving for me, since I did that for her before, but I don't know if its a good idea. Neither of us really know anyone in this other city. She speaks the language in my country and could probably find a relevant job but maybe not as good as the one she has now. \n\nWe both have contacts in a third city in my home country and I could possibly get a relevant job there. I think we would be happier living either where we are now or in this third city. BUT .. I'm not sure if this chance will come again easily. Maybe this is my one big career shot since I am 30 now and I don't have too much experience in my field yet. Should I take the job or what should I do?? Would really appreciate your advice!! ", "answer": "You guys need to talk about your goals and relationship. If she is willing to move and is perfectly fine with the idea that is great. If she doesn't want to move and you really do then you need to talk about your relationship and whether it can continue on or not. If you absolutely cannot live without this girl and she doesn't want to move then you need to decide if your potentially dream job is worth losing this relationship. There is always the option that you move and she doesn't until a later date or something but please know this is very difficult and will most likely not work out. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48o2w7", "comment_id": "d0l4lrb"}, {"question": "Is 150mg of sertraline a lot?", "description": "I've been taking 100mg daily and my psychiatrist just told me to increase my dosage to 150mg. Can it cause any side effects? I haven't had any serious side effects for 100mg except the weight gain but it might not be because of that bc my appetite hasn't changed at all and for some weird reason i've been gaining weight. So is 150mg a lot??", "answer": "No, that's still within normal dose range. It can have side effects\u2014any medication or change can potentially have side effects\u2014but usually if you tolerate a lower dose well an increase doesn't cause sudden new problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eza4ki", "comment_id": "fglyubk"}, {"question": "Will taking the prescribed dose of Adderall make me addicted / dependant?", "description": " I got diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor. I have my doubts about having ADHD at all, and am scared that I would get addicted to Adderall. She prescribed the 10mg dose. If I take the prescribed amount the doc gave, Will I get dependent/ addicted on Adderall?\n\nIf this is not the right place to ask this, please delete.\n\n \n\n* Age: 19\n* Sex: M\n* Height: 5'7\n* Weight: 115\n* Race: White \n* Duration of complaint: Got diagnosed around a week ago from today. \n* Location (Geographic and on body): mental \n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any): Adderall ", "answer": "No one here can assess whether you do or don't have ADHD. Appropriate use of Adderall at prescribed doses does not produce addiction, and probably doesn't produce dependence\u2014people taking stimulants often have \"drug holidays\" where they don't take any on weekends or other times when they do not need to be able to sustain concentration.\n\nTreatment of ADHD has been shown to reduce rates of substance abuse overall.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "agb3ij", "comment_id": "ee4yqph"}, {"question": "Is anybody else also only able to fall asleep by fantasizing about a hypothetical romance?", "description": "Everyone thinks of something to fall asleep and as long as I can remember I have only been able to fall asleep to the thought of having someone love me. I will fantasize about a hypothetical romance and each day I\u2019ll make a story up about someone else. I can\u2019t thing of anything else while trying to sleep and it makes me feel so weird that I have to do this.", "answer": "No not really. But i usually masturbate to fall asleep", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gqwlsi", "comment_id": "frwf5iz"}, {"question": "Please just listen, I am so tired", "description": "I am so so so tired. I have a paper due tomorrow and everything that has been holding back my thoughts, my feelings, my anxieties just crumbled under increased stress. The only way I've made it so long tonight is because my girlfriend won't leave me by myself, and I'm scared of when she does. I just feel like I've been fighting this for so long, I'm just hanging over this pit and I can't move away. I can't due this paper and I don't care about it either. I've stopped caring about everything and I can't reel myself in. If I wasn't so afraid of the overdose I would have done this a long time ago, but the fear is less than the desire to finish giving up, all at once, as soon as possible. \n\nI am so sad, and I have no reason to be. I have a wonderful life. My depression is like a disease eating away at me, and I'm afraid I will live like this forever. I am *scared*", "answer": "If you don't feel safe being alone, please don't let yourself be alone tonight. Go to a hospital as a last resort if need be.\n\nDepression is a disease, and it's not weakness to need help overcoming it. Please see a doctor for help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "196ell", "comment_id": "c8l7v5j"}, {"question": "New guy here, and I'm begging for some real advice. I've ruined my marriage, and I don't know how to make up for 5 years of damage. Please read on for a lengthy story...", "description": "So, as a heads up, this will be a bit lengthy. I'll give a TL;DR disclaimer at the bottom. But my story requires some background information. \n \nI've been married to my wife since December 23, 2005. We got together in July of 2005. We've been best friends since 1995. And I mean as close as friends could possibly get. There's always been a level of comfort between us that I never knew existed, and a connection that was unexplainable. \n \nSince a month or two after we got together, we decided to have another child. But it never happened. There was something wrong with one of us, but we were both too scared to find out. As a relevant side story, she had a child when she was 17. The father was(is) a real scumbag, and was in and out of jail throughout the pregnancy and throughout my daughter's life. I have been the only father figure in Chastity's(my daughter) life, which I stepped up to the day I found out my wife was pregnant. Now I digress. \n \nOur relationship was great, all the way up to 3 months into the marriage. Then I started playing this online game(Space Cowboy for those wondering.). I neglected giving my wife any attention, and would barely ever speak to her. I didn't catch on to the cries for attention, or the fact that there was something wrong. So she had an affair. We decided to work through it. She was truly sorry and embarrassed, and I was truly willing to forgive her. While it was completely un-acceptable what she did, I knew the reasoning, and felt I would've done the same thing. \n \nThing is, I never forgave her. I constantly brought it up. I became consumed with distrust and jealousy. I tried to control her actions; where she went, who she talked to. And the worst part: I called her a \"whore\" EVERY SINGLE TIME WE FOUGHT. We went three years like this. We'd have some great times, but we were both unhappy. I had turned into a monster. \n \nShe tried talking to me many many times, and tell me there was a problem. We both started shutting down. Gone was the affection, the passion, the true love, the making love. She was more and more lonely, as was I. We missed each other so much, but were too far apart to do anything. I think we were even blind to how sever it was. She started talking to someone else in the beginning of this year, and I started talking to an old \"friend\" of mine. She found out, and assumed I had cheated on her, which honestly, I didn't. Though, that was my intention at the time. \n \nSo she had another affair. Again, we decided we were too close, too strong to let this tear us apart. We just wanted to be us again. But my hatred and resentment grew further for her. Calling her a \"whore\" was a daily thing. She was totally shut down. But still, she stood by my side, hoping things would change. Why? \n \nSo now we're here. About 2 weeks ago, she'd had enough. She wanted a divorce. I never realized how horrible I was up until this day. But all my promises were no good anymore. I spent the last 2 weeks bawling like a child at the mistakes I've made, begging her to stay. The papers are still in the night stand. She told me she's not in love with who I am today, and she misses the real me. She can't live like this. I'm proud of her. She shouldn't live like this. But I've done some soul searching, and I've truly forgiven her for the past. I did it for MYSELF. I just couldn't hold on to those demons anymore. I'm not that controlling, jealous monster anymore. But the love is gone out of our marriage. I know she wants to fix this, she's admitted she just wants ME back. But how do I fix this? How do I show her? \n \nI feel so distant from her, and I'm scared to do/say many things. I miss holding my wife's hand. I miss putting my arm around her during movies. And most of all, I miss those 5 second moments when we'd just look into each others eyes, silent. \n \nI'm really sorry for the ranting, Reddit. I'm sure many of you understand the need to just vent, even if no one listens. I'm just looking for some simple advice, especially from people who have been here. Thanks everyone. \n \nFYI: Divorce is an option, and we'd both be very civil about it. But neither of us want a divorce, we just don't want to live like this. \n \nTL;DR: After 4 or 5 years of ruining my marriage and degrading my wife, how can I prove things are truly different? I'll answer any questions in comments. Thanks again everyone. \n \n**EDIT:** I fixed the paragraph issue. My apologies. :) \n \n**EDIT:** Honestly, I expected some criticism; looked forward to it actually. Even expected quite a bit of you to tell us to divorce. What amazes me is how society has completely lost the value of marriage. Of course, my wife and I screwed up *big time.* But why is the only advice to an unhappy marriage to divorce? This isn't a high school relationship. We married each other because we're so in love, so connected, that there's no doubt in our mind that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. The process of changing, adapting, and fixing problems is the only thing that will hold a marriage together. \n \nI'm not really complaining about everyone suggesting divorce; I have a feeling most haven't been married, had a marriage end badly, or haven't yet hit the point of having major problems. I'm just amazed at how easy it is for people as a whole to say \"Get a divorce.\" \n \n**ANOTHER EDIT:** If it makes a difference, my wife and I come from severely broken homes. Not really going to get into it, but I grew up with an alcoholic father, parents divorced at 16, occasional abuse. My wife had it worse, with a horribly alcoholic mother, who disappeared for 10 years of her life. She was always lied to about who was her real parents. Raised by her grandparents, she was abused in many ways, but that's the most detail I'll go into about it. ", "answer": "I know this is not a sexy answer, but if you are both willing, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. You have a lot to work through with the affair and the distance between you two. Therapists certainly aren't magical but they can help if both of you are willing to do the work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dp6mg", "comment_id": "c11vkxm"}, {"question": "My [20/M] first time going out with a girl [20/f] and I have no experience at all. Any help would be great.", "description": "Hey all. Like the title says, I have no experience with girls whatsoever. I had a very sheltered life due to my ultra religious mom and didn't get exposed to anything like talking to other people outside of our very small congregation (which, by the way, only consisted of people that were in their 60s, 70s. So no one my age.) I've since left that and have started to develop basic people skills but I still have a ways to go.\n\nSo, I recently met a girl at work that I like and found out she likes me too through a mutual friend (which is a huge milestone for me, as I've put goals to try and do better with people). She's invited me to the movies with 2 of her other friends. The thing is, I'm not sure how to go about it. I still tend to run out of things to say and I wouldn't wanna look like a fool or something negative in front of her friends. I'm worried I might do something inappropriate that might turn me off from them and tell her to forget about me. \nI know you can't win them all, but just basic stuff to avoid.\n\nI guess I'm just asking for conversational tips/topics that I can use while I hang out tomorrow, as well as some dos and donts while I'm on a date. Anything would be a big help. Thanks in advance.\n\nTL;DR New to the dating game, I run out of things to talk about. Anything would be great.", "answer": "memorize a list of topics. it'll keep the convo flow going", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxusu", "comment_id": "ddxsmu7"}, {"question": "My [M27] fiance [M29] never wants to be with me.", "description": "I'm 27 he is 29 we are gay. And I have noticed and feel that he never wants to spend time or talk with me. He always says he tired, and all be ever wants to do is scroll on Facebook, and watch Star trek and drink wine. When ever I want to talk or do somthing together it's always such a chore. Or he tells me to shut up or idk when I'm trying to talk. He says he's kidding but I can tell he does not give a fuck. And the only way I get him to say I love you is when I say it to him. I don't know what to do. We are together for 4 years and I want to just do things with him. Be with him all the time. And it's depressing and I get angry and end up yelling at him. What do I do? \n\nIf you want more info ask please. I don't want to leave him but for god sakes pay attention to me a little. Be a fucking human for once we are young we should be fun and out and shit. ", "answer": "have a long talk about the relationship; past, present , future. if things don't improve see a therapist together", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qk26x", "comment_id": "dczywr3"}, {"question": "Good books for processing childhood abuse? Ready to let go and move on...", "description": "I have not processed the trauma I grew up with. My family chooses to bottle it up inside and everyone deals with it separately. That means I\u2019ve just never talked about it. I get instantly angry when it does come up and I can feel the frustration and resentment festering. I think I need to acknowledge it to get rid of it. The abuser has been out of my life for almost ten years, but I would really like to move into a healing stage. \n\nCan anyone recommend a book that helped you process domestic abuse on your own and that helped you let it go and move on? ", "answer": "Join us over at r/CPTSD! There are lots of resources on the sidebar and at https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/ including: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/comments/adwma3/cptsd_books_media_library/", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "al6fm6", "comment_id": "efd1mop"}, {"question": "GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!", "description": "Hi everyone, \nI am a first year med student suffering from a number of mental illnesses be it OCD ( mainly pure-o), SOCIAL ANXIETY, GAD, PANIC DISORDER, ONYCHOPHAGIA and mild AGORAPHOBIA ( all being in severe stage).\nI have been diagnosed officially by psychiatrist. \nThey have prescribed me meds but I am not taking them due to their potential side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial issues. I haven't told these things to my parents or to any other person but the psychiatrist. Now, my anxiety has gone out of control and I am looking forward towards my recovery.\nMy question to you people is as follows-\n1. Should I start taking the medicine prescribed by psychiatrist?\n2.What are the potential side effects of these medicines?\n3.Will it damage my brain and change me as a whole( ruining my positive traits also)\n4.How does one feel after taking such medicine?? Do they really work? How long do they take to show their full effects??\n5.Is there any alternative method to cure the illness??\nLooking forward to your replies.\nIt's very urgent!!!!!", "answer": "\n\n* 1. You have to decide this for yourself. If the psychiatrist prescribed it, they think it's the best thing to help you with your symptoms. \n* 2. Talk to your psychiatrist about side effects. Every medication has different ones. Most people don't experience all of them and very few people ever experience the severe ones. \n* 3. Taking medication may change you somewhat as I'm sure a lot of your personality is wrapped up in the thoughts and behaviors that are influenced by the anxiety. When you're feeling less anxious your personality may seem to change somewhat, but you'll always be you!\n* 4. Once again, it all depends on the medication you take. I take Adderall for pretty severe ADHD. For me, it actually calms me down, allows me to focus on things for extended periods of time, and be substantially less hypervigilant and anxious when driving. Medication generally effects everyone a little differently. ADHD medication generally works instantly. Most anti-depressants (SSRI's that are also commonly prescribed for anxiety) can take a few weeks of taking daily to build up in your system and be effective. \n* 5. Going to therapy consistently is probably your best bet to help with your anxiety. Multiple studies show that the best thing you can do is a combination of regular weekly therapy with medication. If given the option between weekly therapy OR medication only, therapy wins out. \n\n\nIf you're currently in med school you should look to see if your school offers free counseling for students. Most colleges and universities do. Given that you're already paying for it as part of tuition costs, you might as well use it. \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vtp1b", "comment_id": "e1qg4qo"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (was) a cutter and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I love her a lot. We have been dating 2 years and she has yet to meet my family. If I am being honest, part of it is because both of her arms are completely covered with scars. My mom is a traditional soccer mom and while she may have had somewhat free spirit a long time ago, I just don't think she would understand this part of my girlfriend and I'm worried she won't approve. To top it all off, my brother was married to a girl who was a cutter and she ended up completely ruining him. So my mom already has a bad view of this type of girl (if you can even include them in the same category). My girlfriend is much sweeter than she was and she just had this thing she went through. It's been a long time since she has done it. Any thoughts? ", "answer": "If she's stable and healthy now, and you love her, that's all that matters.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vdjsc", "comment_id": "dlzl09y"}, {"question": "Is there ever a good reason to get back together with your ex? [20/m]", "description": "I've read a lot that people typically shouldn't get back together with your ex if it ends badly, but I feel like I'm in a different situation.\n\n My ex [19/f] and I started talking a couple months ago and started dating a month ago. Things were going great until one day she dropped the bomb on me saying that she wasn't over her ex, even though she thought she was because she was tired of his shit and she was the one who broke up with him. She explained to me that I was perfect for her and doing everything right, but it was just bad timing and she needed time to work on herself. If the timing is right in the near future, is there a reason to try again with her?\n\nAny other advice is greatly appreciated.", "answer": "if there's a chance it could be great...yes! usually i recommend couple counseling so your renewal is smooth and you can iron out the problems of the past", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "730wqu", "comment_id": "dnmpx0i"}, {"question": "Habitual Smoking and ADHD?", "description": "I smoked cigarettes from 14-18 then picked it back up when I was 23. I've now been smoking off and on for 4 years since then but I'm realizing it might be connected to my ADHD.\n\nI've always felt it was the habit of smoking, not the nicotine, that was MORE addictive for me. When I'm driving, walking, or doing homework, it's similar to a fidgit cube. I always feel like I need to \"do\" and smoking is something to \"do\".\n\nAlso, no need to lecture me on the detriments of smoking, I'm well aware, I've quit before and I'll do it again. Because of the \"habit\" factor I plan on purchasing a vape to use nicotine-free juice and cut back tremendously.", "answer": "Smoking for something to \u201cdo\u201d is exactly how it feels for me ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xrg0a", "comment_id": "e9ulend"}, {"question": "How to talk to my doctor about depression/ suicidal ideations", "description": "20m usa. I've been feeling depressed for a long while now. Hopefully I can get an appointment today to see my doctor. \n\nI've been having suicidal ideations, basically just thinking about my death, thinking it might be the best option for me. ( I know its not, I haven't tried anything, haven't ever hurt myself or ever plan to).\n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor???? These thoughts just keep popping in my head and its terrifying. I don't want to to seek help just to be locked away in a psyc ward.", "answer": "You can talk to your doctor, but I'm not going to mislead. There are doctors who are comfortable with suicidal thinking, and there are doctors who are not. The latter might be quick to try to dump you on psychiatry. Most psychiatrists in most places wouldn't hospitalize you for being depressed for a long time\u2014because it's often not appropriate treatment\u2014but you might waste time in an ER before a psychiatrist sends you home.\n\nIt would go better if you're clear from the outset that there's nothing you're about to do, just that you're feeling depressed.\n\nA psychiatrist would be the right kind of doctor to treat this and probably more comfortable with chronic suicidal thinking, but getting in to see a psychiatrist can be a very long wait.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hon69k", "comment_id": "fxj7vom"}, {"question": "Being social is overrated", "description": "I love my coworkers at my new job and I have some friends through school. I'm outgoing, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I like to be alone. \n\nI have one close friend. I rarely see her. I don't talk to my family. I don't go out often. I am also tired from school and work.\n\nIt's draining going out and socializing, both mentally and financially. (Hey, more money for solo travel.)\n\nI used to want more friends, but now, I think I'm content just being a loner.", "answer": "Some people are social butterflies, and some are content spending a lot of time alone. I'm in the latter category, but as I've \"matured\", I've changed. I don't necessarily seek out social encounters, but I don't avoid them. I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fexyt", "comment_id": "ctodesh"}, {"question": "How do I express myself properly my therapist.", "description": "I feel like all I do describe the emotions I have and don't really articulate the actual thoughts I have. I talk very slowly and I struggle to get stuff out. The truth is I'm probably way worse than I come across. He told me that I'm depressed but I don't think he fully understands how bad it is. I should probably tell him that I have a lot of hate, anger and jealousy for the rest of the world. And I really find everything shit. Ive been doing a short set of practices to help with various things. I'm thinking that afterwards I could try a different therapist for a while and see if I can get it out to someone else. ", "answer": "It can be helpful to start your sessions off with lighter conversation. What are you comfortable talking about? Can you talk briefly about any good tv shows, movies, books you've seen lately or hobbies engaged in? It can be helpful to have ice breakers. \n\n\nI can't tell you how many sessions I've have with folks where the first 20 minutes is talking about how the football season's going or the latest Game of Thrones episode, then the last 20-25 is really good in depth therapeutic work. I know some of my clients need this in order to feel comfortable. With some clients I certainly can, but with some we can't just jump right into the deep stuff as soon as they sit down. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8yazrw", "comment_id": "e29vcjb"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common. Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "e1w6uj9"}, {"question": "Lumbar Puncture okay with Naltrexone?", "description": "Hi there! I take Naltrexone to help with binge drinking. I only drink once or twice a week, or maybe once or twice every two weeks, but historically when I've done so I have gone way overboard. I take Naltrexone now and it has helped reduce my consumption. I only take it on days I drink.\n\nI have a lumbar puncture scheduled for this Friday 7/27 at 9am. I took 50mg naltrexone yesterday, 7/24, at 7pm, completely forgetting that it might interfere with the procedure. I'm not concerned it will skew the results, but I understand that taking opioid anesthetics can be deadly while on Nal. If it's useful, the last time I drank, and therefore took naltrexone (prior to yesterday), was about 12 days ago.\n\nSo, my question is, is it typical to give an opioid based anesthetic during a lumbar puncture? If I tell them I prefer a non-opioid anesthetic will that be an issue? I think the nal will be out of my system by Friday but wanted to make sure. Is this something I should be worried about or even reschedule? I would hate to do so, it's taken a while to get it scheduled and I need to get the procedure done.\n\nMy demographics:\n\n\\- Age: 46\n\n\\- Height: 6'2\n\n\\- Weight: 180\n\n\\- Gender: male\n\n\\-- Meds: only naltrexone\n\n\\- Smoking status: I quit 8 years ago. Smoked for about 15 years before that\n\n\\- Medical Issue: I have had constant daily headaches and fatigue for the last 4 months. I also feel generally ill, ironically, almost list a hangover. I've had all the bloodwork and and MRI done, now it time for the lumbar puncture.\n\nThanks in advance for your insight and assistance, it is genuinely appreciated.", "answer": "It's not typical to give an opioid for a lumbar puncture. Naltrexone isn't dangerous with opioids, but it will render opioids ineffective. There's no need to reschedule your lumbar puncture or even, as far as I know, be careful about mixing an LP and naltrexone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91xeun", "comment_id": "e31m7hq"}, {"question": "Drinking. College. Recovering.", "description": "Hey all, \n\nI've been thinking about drinking lately. I ended up in treatment shortly before I turned 19, and I'm 21 now. I'll have three years on August 22. I went to treatment primarily for stimulants, although at the end I was using pretty much anything I could get my hands on. \n\nLife has been good since I got sober. Not a gift from god, not a reward from a higher power, but good. I returned to the (very good) school that I was almost kicked out of and I've gotten close to straight As since I've been back. I have a good job for the summer, I'll be graduating next year and things are looking pretty positive. \n\nI just feel like I'm missing out on being a normal 21 year old. Virtually all social activities on campus revolve around alcohol in some way, and it feels really isolating to be sober. I tried going out to parties dry for a while, but I frankly gave up eventually because it just made me feel bitter and excluded. Sometimes it was fun; it was unpleasant frequently enough that I didn't think it was worth it. \n\nI blacked out a lot when I was last drinking, but I was also 17-18 and stupid. I didn't really understand that moderation was a desirable thing, and I never really tried to acheive it. My big problem was, essentially, that I'd do some sort of upper on a Friday or Saturday night, quickly become unable to stop, and end up spun out until Tuesday or Thursday, missing a week of class and generally failing to meet whatever responsibilities I had. \n\nI think that I could deal with normal, go-out-and-have-fun-type drinking if I tried, at least for the forseeable future. What really keeps me back is that, in the past, whenever something went semi-seriously wrong in my life, my immediate reaction was to go out and get obliterated. I'm worried that the next time a girl cheats on me, I'll end up black-out drunk and back to having to ask around to find out what I did the night before. Again. Or come-to with a bag of cocaine in my pocket. \n\nBut I feel really alone as a sober 21 year old, and I'd like to at least try to participate in the sorts of things that normal 21 year olds do. I spent a year going to AA religiously and another yearish going more sporadically before deciding that it wasn't for me. I feel like there isn't really any program left to work once you take out the \"higher power,\" and I'm positive that I don't believe in that. The program runs on doublespeak and self-reinforcing cliches, and I feel like 80% of shares just parrot jumbled up versions of earlier shares. I think that it's main function is to help you associate some loved-up emotional high with sobriety -- and that's great if you can get yourself to buy in to it, but I can't. \n\nSo, anyway -- stuff has been pretty good for the past threeish years, but there are some things that have bothered me from the beginning that never stopped. Alcohol was moderately problematic to me, but I think most (not all) of the reasons it caused me issues have been resolved. I would like to try drinking again at some point in the future, and I never had any intention of staying sober when I was sent to treatment. But drug addiction was hell, and I never want to go back to that. \n\nAnyway, I don't really know what I'd expect in a response, I just kind of want to verbalize some thoughts. Does anyone have any experience, strength and/or hope? ", "answer": "I'm not here to sell you AA. It's clear to me you don't want it, and that's how it goes with some people. I'm just here to say I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I got sober at 17 and am in college now and I know a drink would be looking really friendly right now if I felt so alone. The comment that really trips me out is the idea that if you drank again you'd have to quit again ten years down the line. That is a fucking insane thought. If you did indeed spend a year and a half or so in the rooms you know that addiction kills people every fucking day. I'm sober today because if I were to drink again I don't know that I'd be able to quit tomorrow, or the next day, or ten years from now, or ever for that matter. Nothing I say to you will get that insane notion that you can control your drinking out of your head. I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through and that I can't help you with it. I hope you find a way to get out of that type of thinking and find the happiness you seek.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "28exwh", "comment_id": "ciarhkj"}, {"question": "Why is everyone out to hurt me?", "description": "Why is everyone out to hurt me :(?", "answer": "Once you have been a victim of abuse, you are significantly more likely to be abused again. This is why it may feel like everyone is trying to hurt you.\n\nFor example, here\u2019s my story in a nutshell.\n\nMy dad mentally abused me > my dad encouraged my brother to mentally abuse me > I went to school and sought out relationships that resembled my family\u2019s way of interacting, which meant I gravitated towards abusers > I was emotionally abused by these people > the idea that I deserve abuse became solidified in my head > continued to unconsciously seek out abusers > belief that I am worthless continually reinforced throughout my young life > sought out romantic relationships with abusers because I thought they were the best I could get > the idea that I am worthless became an inherent truth in my head and I rejected any evidence contrary to this idea and also rejected people who treated me any differently\n\nYou need to break the pattern, or hurt is all you will ever know. It\u2019s not your fault you feel this way, but you can make choices to stop yourself from being re-victimized. First step is begin to love yourself regardless of what other people do/think. This isn\u2019t an easy task, but you deserve self compassion. Good luck. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8v93si", "comment_id": "e1loy3e"}, {"question": "Long-term Mystery odor and sweatiness in genital area F30", "description": "age: 30 years old\n\nsex: female\n\nheight: 5'6''\n\nweight: 120 lbs.\n\nrace: white\n\nprimary complaint: bad (vaginal?) odor when sitting for any amount of time; feel like I have to urinate frequently; excessive sweatiness in vaginal area in social situations and after sitting\n\nmedications: none\n\ndrinking/smoking/drugs: non-user\n\nAbout a decade ago I noticed a distinct odor coming from between my legs -- it was unpleasant, but not in a fishy way, and accompanied by a little sweatiness. I closed my legs and just thought 'hmmm, that's odd' and hoped it would go away. A few months before this happened I had a very bad UTI that I left untreated for a couple of days and then got antibiotics for -- from that time I've had a sensitive bladder at night in particular. Also, I had been having unprotected sex with a partner at the time, but I got tested for the usual STDs afterward and I didn't have anything pop up (could be exotic I suppose, but if so, what?). I lost the ability to smell this odor between my legs after a few months and stopped thinking about it/assumed it went away. Unfortunately, the odor/sweatiness never went away. I know this because in the past few years I've noticed that people will get up and move away from where I'm sitting after about 20 minutes of my sitting down because I start to smell awful, which has proven extremely embarrassing to me. I've had two friends comment on it, so I know it's not in my head. I continue to sweat, A LOT, down there...after sitting for an extended period of time or when I get into a social situation. This exacerbates the smell, I think, because I can tell people notice and move away from me (but they do so when I'm not sweating too, so it's not just the sweat). The bladder problem has also gotten worse during this period and at night I sometimes have trouble sleeping now because I feel I have to use the bathroom, but when I go, it's not a lot. It's socially been extremely debilitating recently, as even six-seven feet away I've had people relocate to sit further from me. I should add that this hasn't subsided, the sweating, no matter the time of year or my diet, which I've changed up over time. I should also note that I have had annual reproductive health exams and never had a doctor tell me anything looks off down there. I've also been too embarrassed to explain what's happening to me. No burning/itching/strange discharge that I can identify. The strange thing about the (odor) moisture is that it occurs even if I use Drysol in the exterior area of the vagina/butt. Thoughts? Any ideas will be super helpful.", "answer": "I have dysautonomia which causes hyperhydrosis. I sweat a LOT, and most especially in the downtown. I do the public hair trim, use the blow dryer, use panty liners, don\u2019t sleep in underwear and occasionally use a non talc based power on the \u201cleg pits\u201d as a prior commenter called them, but not near the vulva. Even with all this I still struggle. Medications to help with sweating only make me extremely dry mouthed and I cannot afford (nor do I want) Botox every few weeks in the downtown. I just do my best with the above and deal with it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dyvbw9", "comment_id": "f8577s6"}, {"question": "Please help me not feel so nervous? Question about apartment-hunting.", "description": "Hey everyone. I know this isn't a good place for this, but I wasn't sure where else to go. I don't think this type of question meets the requirements at /r/AskReddit. Now, I didn't see anyone die or anything like that. I'm just nervous and afraid that I won't be able to find an apartment.\n\nMy girlfriend and I are going to start looking for a new apartment soon. Can I just list off some facts and you guys can tell me if it's possible or not? I just need to know whether it'll be possible or whether we have some serious issue that needs to be resolved before we start looking.\n\n* We're young. I'm 21 and she's 20.\n* We've only had one apartment together. It's sort of unconventional. We found it on craigslist, and it's above a family's garage. They're not really landlords, they just want to make some extra cash, and we needed a place to live. Still, we've paid the rent on time every month.\n* We both have minimum-wage jobs, but the rent is extremely high in my area. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and my girlfriend would be too, if she didn't get a lot of financial aid money.\n* My mom is willing to cosign, but she lives out of state.\n* I have a good credit score because I always pay off my credit card. Not sure how much that matters.\n\nI'm just afraid any landlord will see us as two irresponsible kids who aren't worth the risk.", "answer": "As a former apartment manager, none of this would cause me much worry about you as renters. \n\nEven though the place you had before was less conventional, it's still rental history. Talk to the family you lived with and make sure they are willing to provide you a good reference, if asked by a new apartment.\n\nThe place I managed required that the total income of the renters be 3x the rent, but this varies. We did consider student loans as income, so be sure to ask about that. It shouldn't matter if a co-signer is out of state.\n\nCredit score is usually weighted pretty heavily when renting apartments. It can mean the difference of getting approved/denied and can influence the amount of security deposit you are charged.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vkwpe", "comment_id": "coil6c1"}, {"question": "Job Offer", "description": "I've been with a company in the field that I want to be in for seven months in an entry level $35k/yr. I've received accolades from my managers and many compliments from guests and even a raise about five months in. I received a call from my former employer yesterday and they offered me a position as a District Manager. Pay starting at 65k/yr but it's a place that I didn't like working for at all. Very cutthroat and stressful, and my new role is the exact opposite. I feel like the only reason that I would take it is because of the money. I asked a couple people about it and one suggested that I'd be exceedingly good in the new role but possibly not exceedingly happy. \n\n\nI feel like I'm in a good place of growth right now but I'm not sure which way to go. ", "answer": "You've answered your own question. If you are happy with where you are and are not having money problems then why not stay and be happy? Personally I'd rather be happy with less money then stressed/unhappy with more money. Besides if your are unhappy all the time you won't be able to enjoy the money! It is unfortunate that we all need money to live in this world but I know when you are old looking back, you want to look back on the happy life you had. Not the unhappy but prosperous life. As you gain experience you will make more money eventually. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48yb2g", "comment_id": "d0njvuu"}, {"question": "What to make of an abnormal EKG?", "description": "(22 y/o female, 5'4, 105lbs. Medical History: Reynaud's phenomenon. Also, I have been experiencing joint and muscular pain/stiffness for years now, which does not seem to concern my doctors. Not taking any medications.)\n\nSometime last year I started to experience a racing heartbeat. My mom works at cardiologist's so they gave me a 24-hr holter monitor. I didn't experience much discomfort during that time frame and the cardiologist didn't seem concerned. He mentioned \"tachycardia\" without much context or explanation. \n\nSince then, my heart rate has only been bothering me more and more. At this point, I am usually fatigued and I feel weak and lightheaded often. I went to an internist recently, and I've apparently developed a murmur. I had an EKG done in the office that day and I have a t wave abnormality. I will be going for blood work and an echo sometime next week.\n\nI don't really know what to make of any of this and I would just like some context or explanation. ", "answer": "It's hard to tell whats going on - the failing here is the poor communication skills of the involved professionals.\n\nLots of people have lots of abnormalities on and ECG/EKG, its all about context. The murmur is a wee bit concerning, but the t wave changes and tachycardia might be nothing too worrying.\n\nBest to get clarification from your docs though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ks3uv", "comment_id": "dbq7jrp"}, {"question": "Can someone help figure out what I'm feeling?", "description": "For what feels like the longest time, I've wondered if I'm depressed, or if some truly ugly part of me just wants attention. Recently, I am obsessing over it a lot, and was hoping someone could help me out. I'm 17F, so a part of me wonders if this is just a societal thing, that everyone needs something to be wrong with them now. But at the same time, I don't know how I can describe what I feel.\n\nI'm not depressed in the traditional sense. I am not overwhelmingly sad all of the time, and I can smile or laugh genuinely. But on the other hand, I am so fucking tired all of the time. Doing the most simple tasks take forever for me to do, and I'm not sure if it's me being lazy or something else. I used to love going out and doing things with people, and now all I ever want to do is stay in bed. Nothing can ever keep me from boredom, and I mostly just feel indifferent with everything all of the time. \n\nI don't really understand the point of living. Maybe it's an existential crisis, but I don't understand. When I die, no one will care, it won't matter in the long run. My life is meaningless. And since I won't remember any of it when I'm dead, what's the point? I think about suicide briefly a lot. Just seconds here or there, which is why I don't think it's anything. Everyone thinks about suicide right? I think it's a normal thing but don't really have anyone to ask. I'll never go through with it, but everyday when I'm driving home from school down this one big hill, I think about driving straight off the road, and how much better it must be for everyone in the long run. \n\nI can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore. It rips me up every time I think about it, cause I'm not sure why I'm not good enough. I have tried to change who I am or how I act a platitude of times, and yet it never lasts longer than a few hours and I just feel even more worthless. \n\nI feel alone, but don't mind it. I can't focus for very long before I get sidetracked into thinking about my future and how fucked it is. I'm constantly trying to find ways to escape myself, but when those ways can no longer help me, I'm lost all over again.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI feel all of these things, yet I also wonder if it's possible that I'm just over-exaggerating what i feel into something way worse for some fucking twisted reason. It scares me if that's true because I think I must be a truly terrible person if it is. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAm I the only one that feels this way? Can anybody tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?", "answer": "Hey you!\n\nwhat you are going through is tough. You feel alone. The good news is you don't have to always feel this way. A lot of the things you describe sound like depression, but the best thing you can do is talk to your parents about how you are feeling and ask them to help you find a therapist to talk to. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. It's like seeing a doctor when you get sick or hurt. \n\n\nThis stuck out to me: \"I can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore\"\n\nHow do you know that your friends get bored with you? is this a fact or is this your depression convincing you that you are no good? You are good. I glanced at some of your reddit posts and you have some cool interests and you are interesting and very worthwhile :) \n\nIt sounds like there are people that care about you but its hard to believe that right now. Your thoughts can be very powerful things, but they are also things that you are in charge of. If thinking a certain way about yourself leads to feeling bad, try being your own devil's advocate and finding evidence that you are good and worthwhile. I can already see that good by your post and you having the courage to share what you are going through and seek help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7ixm0", "comment_id": "ec3gx3k"}, {"question": "What are the chances my daughter's new doctor will read through her medical records?", "description": "I have a daughter, 9F 60 lbs, with a history of severe congenital heart defects and a traumatic brain injury. We moved overseas recently. Since January my daughter has been having more and more seizures despite being on medication. Most recently, her seizures are preceded by chest pain. I've been in communication with her new neurologist's nurse and I've just sent him her complete medical records. It's almost 1,000 pages. What are the chances her doctor will read through it? Should I go through them and highlight relevant information?", "answer": "Personally I think the previous doctor should hand over to the new doctor with a summary or a telephone conversation. It doesn't/shouldn't have to be a forensic 1000 page review by a doctor on receipt of a new patient.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g5dypk", "comment_id": "fo3zho1"}, {"question": "My sister 27f is a homeless heroin and meth addict. Was in the hospital with endocarditis that moved to her lungs. She checked her self out after being there for 2 days", "description": "So like the title said my sister 27F 100lb is homeless heroin and meth addict she smokes cigarettes and is hiv+. \n\nShe had the Dr tell my mom over the phone what was going on.\n\nAnyways my mom told me the growths in her lungs were cotton ball sized. The Dr's wanted my sister to stay in the hospital/skilled nursing facility for 6-8 weeks to get Iv antibiotics. My sister checked herself out 2 days in so she could get high I'm assuming. \n\nHow long do you think she has/ anything I can do?", "answer": "She needs to get on methadone or buprenorphine through an addiction service, and to be on therapeutic doses of the same. Take away the chaos and then access mental health supports for whatever is going on underneath the self-medicating. And go from there.\n\nIf she can get access to naloxone, that would be a lifesaver.\n\nThe big caveat as others have said - this is applicable only if she wants it (assuming she has the capacity to make informed decisions about her welfare). People are allowed to make unwise decisions in life, even if it causes their death...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g4se7d", "comment_id": "fo065u5"}, {"question": "The Proven Heart Healthy Benefits of Moderate Alcohol Consumption!", "description": "Have you ever spoken with someone about your decision to SD, have them get a bit defensive, and then mention the heart healthy benefits of drinking 1-2 glasses of red wine per day? (BTW, nobody I know who has raised this objection to me CONSISTENTLY stays within that limit.)\n\nThen you go on the Web and see that a lot of conventional advice repeats this claim? That said, unconventional plant-based doctors like Joel Fuhrman advise that no alcohol consumption is best.\n\nWell...I had a physical this morning and asked my doctor, \u201cIf I walked in here with the exact same health stats that I have right now as a non-drinker, would you suggest I take up drinking a glass or two of red wine to improve my heart health and longevity?\u201d\n\nShe said, \u201cDefinitely not. Despite what you may read and hear, all available research that suggests this stands on shaky ground and is inconclusive. And/or it\u2019s based on correlation and not causation. While I urge my patients to drink no more than moderate amounts if they want to, I would never suggest anyone take up drinking for health reasons. And I\u2019d hope no responsible physician ever would.\u201d\n\nThis may seem like common sense, but am I the only one barraged with the, \u201cHey, a little bit, in moderation, is good for you.\u201d\n\nReason for this post: I\u2019m trying to reprogram myself to remove the desire for alcoholic beverages. This is one line of code.", "answer": "That is an old way of thinking that has been proven false. Drinking alcohol in any quantity is not beneficial to your health. That being said, many people still say this as it is true, including some physicians unfortunately. Same thing when it comes to only having a glass of wine while pregnant. Some physicians still say this is okay, when it has been shown that ANY amount of alcohol could potentially have catastrophic effects on the unborn child. It\u2019s like playing Russian roulette with your pregnancy", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "c2mkai", "comment_id": "erld1wm"}, {"question": "Psychologist or a Psychotherapist", "description": "Hey guys!!\n\nBeen suffering pretty badly from feelings of anxiety and depression for most of life (21 years old). I feel like a lot of it is who i naturally am as a person as well as life events. I have not been diagnosed with anything and have finally decided to seek help. Would it benefit me more to see a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist, and are there many major differences between the two?\n\nReason why I'm asking is because some people online have said that Psychotherapists do not diagnose and only help with CBT and take a more \"therapist\" way of dealing with issues, where as psychologists deal more with diagnosing mental illnesses.\n\nTL:DR- No diagnoses, should i see a Psychologist or Psychotherapist??", "answer": "It's all very confusing, let me clarify some terms:\n\nPsychotherapist = anyone who is licensed to provide talk therapy. What *kind* of therapy you get is what we call the \"modality\" or \"theory\": Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy... these are the schools of thought that the therapist have been trained in, and influence what your therapy will look like.\n\nPsychologist = a doctoral level therapist. This person has completed 5-7 years of school and can do therapy, make diagnoses, and do psychological testing.\n\nCounselor = this generally refers to a masters level therapist. They have completed 2-3 years of school and can do therapy and give diagnoses. They typically cannot do major psychological testing unless they work for a Psychologist.\n\nPsychiatrist = a medical doctor who has specialized in mental health issues. They are the only ones who can prescribe medication. You typically will not get much talk therapy from a psychiatrist, as most focus on med management. Those who also do therapy are typically *very* expensive.\n\nDiagnosis = the label we give to describe the symptoms that you are reporting, which informs how we formulate your treatment plan. Some issues are very straightforward to diagnose: if you meet the criteria for an anxiety or mood disorder, pretty much any therapist can make that call. Complex issues (e.g. Autism) might require formalized assessment and psychological testing, which is pretty much the only time when you would *need* to see a psychologist.\n\n**Who should you see?** Generally speaking, research shows that the college degree of a psychotherapist doesn't make too much of a difference in their overall effectiveness. What matters more is 1) how good of a fit are they for you, and 2) how well trained are they in the specific areas that you need help. Look for someone who you feel comfortable with, and who is knowledgeable about anxiety and depression. I like websites like Psychology Today or GoodTherapy, because they allow you to review a therapist's profile and choose someone who seems like a good fit.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hj8c7w", "comment_id": "fwltt5p"}, {"question": "Girlfriend and I broke up on good, speaking terms; what is the best way for me to go about this, in regards to how I treat her?", "description": "We truly love each other, there weren't infidelity issues, and we're both generally good people.\n\nShe and I met, things were great. Natural and positive. Great communication.\n\nThe reason we broke up, was due to her choice. She is 22 and has been meaning to \"find herself\" since before she met me. She has an opportunity to go to France for three months, all expenses paid. I'm happy she has such an opportunity, because it is exactly what she needs.\n\nRight now I'm a little hurt, and I am doing my best to prevent my past with other girls affect how I view this situation, and her.\n\nI basically just want to know how to be \"the best ex-boyfriend possible\", so that I don't act like a douche, or base my actions on resentment. Things like my demeanor or tone, the subjects of discussion, and frequency of contact, etc.\n\nI truly love this girl, and want her to be happy.", "answer": "Contact her if you want to talk to her, but don't go out of your way and do it much more infrequently than you did when you were dating. If she calls you or texts you, that's great--but don't jump the gun to reply.\n\nLimit your physical contact.\n\nDon't hang out with her one-on-one.\n\nBe civil. Don't be a douche. It doesn't sound like you'd go that way in the first place, but don't act really jealous if she dates another guy and don't act like you're feeling possessive of her even if you are feeling that way.\n\nMy best advice for you would be to limit contact with her until you don't feel hurt or otherwise romantically engaged. Granted, I don't know if that's applicable in your situation, but my fear for you is that you're going to fall back into treating her like your girlfriend again and you'll end up in bed with her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "u4r8t", "comment_id": "c4sbhpg"}, {"question": "Is this valid in an argument?", "description": "Hi. I had an argument with my bf recently and I feel very out of touch with reality considering the way he twists things around. So, I ask you, is this scenario valid to use in an argument? \n\nPartner 1 fucks up. Said partner apologizes profusely for the fuck up but partner 2 does not have it and won\u2019t even acknowledge the attempted apology. \n\nWeeks earlier the other partner fucked up in a different, but more serious way. Partner 1 was devastated and angry but agreed to hear partner 2 out, which led to a positive resolution. \n\nNow, partner 2 says that using the example of the way partner 1 reacted about partner 2\u2019s fuck up is invalid because you can\u2019t bring up things from the past. Partner 1 did not bring up the mistake, but rather the way the mistake was talked about and dealt with, and asks for the same respect partner 1 gave partner 2 during their fuck up. \n\nIs that valid? ", "answer": "It's valid, sure, but it's useless if the other person won't listen/acknowledge the point. \n\nI find that when in a stalemate with someone who doesn't seem to be understanding my point of view, they are probably feeling the same. \n\nThe quickest way to de-escalate an argument and get someone to pay attention to what you say (in a later step) is to acknowledge their point/feelings. period, end of sentence. \n\nNot: \"I see where you're coming from, but _______\"\n\nMore like: \"you're feeling angry because I _______.\" Then just let it be. They'll be taken aback that you heard them and literally won't be able to respond the same way as if you had said the above statement. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "80tu96", "comment_id": "duy7cum"}, {"question": "[27F] Need Help Deciphering Doctor's Visit Notes", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am a 27F Height: 5'6\" Weight: 230 Medical Conditions: no diagnosed medical conditions \n\nI went in for my physical last Friday, (Jan 2020) but have yet to receive some of my blood work results. I was reading through my doctor's after-visit notes on my online medical chart and noticed that she wrote:\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No results found for: HIVAB\n\nHowever, this same doctor wrote this on my physical last year (Feb 2019):\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No components found for HIVABSCN\n\nDo those things mean the same thing? Or have my 2020 annual physical results not been analyzed yet? If not, what does \"No results found\" indicate? I am unsure of the difference in medical shorthand?\n\nAny experience or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "That's probably automatically generated boilerplate that's supposed to comment on HIV antibody screening. No such screening was done, so there are no results. If you aren't sexually active, or say you aren't, your doctor might skip the screening as pointless. If it was offered and declined, it wouldn't show up. Whatever the reason, you weren't screened for HIV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eosi6a", "comment_id": "feeuaq2"}, {"question": "Speaker Phone in Meeting", "description": "What are your thoughts on someone repeatedly listening in on an AA meeting, that is taking place in a treatment center, via speaker phone?", "answer": "It's hard to tell without more information. Are you talking about a situation where a former client calls in to a meeting that is being held in a treatment center? And I assume that current clients are attending the meeting that the person is calling into? For a regular AA meeting you would definitely need to get a group conscience on it. Since it's at a treatment center (I'm assuming in the US?) it gets even more complicated as they may be running afoul of patient confidentiality laws. The US law is especially stringent in terms of rules for substance abuse treatment and confidentiality. I would definitely bring this up with the counselors/admin as well as in the meeting's next business meeting.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "67kwue", "comment_id": "dgri1d2"}, {"question": "Therapists, if one session runs late, what do you do with the next session?", "description": "Im talking like 10, 15, 20minutes late, mayeb because this client needs to be hospitalized or something and youre trying to make the arrangements. What do you do with the next session? Like how does that go?", "answer": "If I needed to hospitalize a client, I'm generally cancelling my sessions for the next few hours as it can be a lengthy process. \n\nIf I'm 10-20 minutes late, I'll usually have my client notified that I'm running late, let them know if they can wait, I'll still see them for their full session, if not, we'll reschedule and they won't be charged. \n\n\nUsually I'll have a cancellation or a break that gets me back on track or someone in my schedule will be 15 minutes late or so. If this is the case, I won't give them their full session, it'll be their full session minus however late they were and then I'll be back on track.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bktlv5", "comment_id": "emr0lp6"}, {"question": "Advice on x-ray performed by chiropractor", "description": "Age:30\nSex:Male\nHeight:6 ft 0 in\nRace: White\nDuration:On and off for about 5 years. \nLocation: Lower back pain that will radiate to upper leg. \nhttp://imgur.com/a/XyYkX\n\nI went to the chiropractor, I've been dealing with on and off again lower back pain for 5 years now. Previously it only flared up when I over exerted myself lifting or exercising too hard. Well I've been driving a lot longer distances for work(I work outside walking around in sand and uneven surfaces) this has been causing the back pain to be near constant during the week. The pain is manageable rarely more than a 5 only a few times in the last 5 years has it caused me to be laid up and unable to do much of anything(less than 3 times). So being fed up with being in pain I decided to go to the chiropractors office, he took 2 x-rays and the front x-ray shows that my L5 is not in alignment. He says he can fix it but to me a vertebrae that is rotated requires more serious medicine. Any advice is welcome, should I seek a spine specialist?", "answer": "It's strange, because even I (a psychiatrist) can tell this looks normal. Another warning about the use of chiropractors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xhg2j", "comment_id": "dej70xg"}, {"question": "Alcohol is the True Opiate of the Masses", "description": "It's a form of incarceration. It is the true opiate of the masses. And were I a believer in conspiracy theories, I'd say that \"they\" (the powers that be) want us to remain addicted to booze so that we won't realize what's being done to us. \n\nI was thinking about all the really successful people out there. You know who I mean, The richest of the rich, the Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk types who are the movers and shakers of the global economy. These people rarely have drinking problems. They either drink moderately by having a glass of wine with dinner or a pint of craft-brewed beer after work, are in recovery because they realized that booze was bringing them down, or they don't drink at all.\n\nWhy is this true? Because successful people realize that too much booze sucks the life out of you. It dampens your creative juices and diminishes our drive to accomplish things. It's a fucking poison that most powerful people stay away from.\n\nAlcohol is a huge time sucker that interferes with growth on a personal, social and business level. I realize now what it has done to my life and I refuse to let this shit continue.", "answer": "Read any Allan Carr recently? Always worth another pass. Just like Alan Watts, it just gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5xu23p", "comment_id": "delngy2"}, {"question": "How to handle 6 year old pulling away since quarantine?", "description": "Asking here as my 6 year old's therapist has not been able to confirm she can be paid via zoom sessions and left trying to figure out my 6 year old's situation. He sees a therapist for anxiety/ oppositional behavior. Just before the pandemic when we saw what was coming, we left the city for a house in the country and my husband also lost his job. I've spent 10,11 hours a day on rolling calls trying to save mine and my team members and my husband has done most of the parenting. I'm sure all this has thrown my son for a huge loop; but it is manifesting in anger and really just wanting me to go completely away seemingly. When I try to spend time with him he mostly seems not happy about it. What can I do to bond and repair and help him?", "answer": "So many kids are struggling right now with this quarantine. \n\n1. Previous routines are gone.\n\n2. Active play is greatly reduced .\n\n3. Social connections are severed. \n\n4. Parents are stressed financially, worried about the present and future. Some couples are arguing more.\n\n5. Space in the home is different and compromised, as parents are working from home and kids are doing school work. \n\n6. Many kids have increased their screen time, which has a huge impact on behavior and regulation. \n\n7. What else?\n\nYou can't fix this situation, but you can address these changes to the best of your ability in whatever way works best for your family . Routine and physical activity are really important for young kids , and a primary stressor during this time.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fyvbzl", "comment_id": "fn39u9s"}, {"question": "Missed lexapro and now feel like garbage", "description": "I missed my lexapro dose this morning. I drove home during lunch to get it but I have been feeling anxious and in a bad mood all day. It's 4pm now and I'm in the gym. I have done an okay workout (kinda sub par) so far, just treadmill, stretching and bike, and I feel slightly better but not as good as I thought I would feel after forcing myself here. I promised myself I could skip my last class if I worked out, but I am almost done working out and I don't feel like I would feel any better whether I am at home or in class anyway. \n\nDoes anyone have experience missing doses? I am new to lexapro, I used to be on Zoloft and it was not nearly as finicky about the time of day I take the dose. I used to take Zoloft at night but lexapro causes insomnia if you take it at night so I've been taking in the mornings, and obviously it hasn't stuck yet!", "answer": "I've missed doses (not lexapro, but effexor) and it sucks, but you did a great job just getting into the gym. I wish I could offer more potent words of wisdom to you, but all I can say is that you just have to keep reminding yourself of why you're doing what you do. ", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3nm9t1", "comment_id": "cvpc6bx"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago. I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough. It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either. I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search. I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\". Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches. It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time. \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out. Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to. I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time. Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol. I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years. When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing. I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor. When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room. And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal. Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges. I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good. They thought I might be developing an eating disorder. Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat. Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time. I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me. I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice. I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you. Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it. That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes. Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour. Helped me through the isolation. I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail. \n\nI drew a lot. A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use. But I drew a lot to express myself. I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me. Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail. But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them. So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway! All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "fehwcun"}, {"question": "Is name calling ever acceptable in a healthy relationship? Or is it emotional abuse?", "description": "I am not referring to swearing at eachother such as \"what the fuck\", or \"im fucking pissed\". I am talking about people who call you names DIRECTLY when mad or when confronted with something that they don't like. I am asking this because I just broke up with a guy who during the span of our long distance relationship called me quite a few colorful names. Among them were \"dumbass bitch, bitch, The C word a few times, idiot, retarded bitch, whore (when he was suspecting me of cheating), referred to me as a slut) among those things he took cheap shots at my character anytime he got really upset. In my opinion I believe these things are absolutely unacceptable and I should have gotten out a lot sooner. I want to be with a man, not a baby who has to express himself in such a way. It got to the point where I started doing the same thing back to him and I feel awful about it. So what do you think folks? Unacceptable and do you consider this emotional abuse? ", "answer": "Name calling is NEVER acceptable. It is emotional abuse. (I'm a therapist)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on0dr", "comment_id": "dckjx6q"}, {"question": "How do a get a child to engage in therapy?", "description": " I am an in-home therapist, I usually work with teenagers but I am currently working with a 10 year old foster child, what are some good techniques to get the youth to engage? he gets distracted easily and plays with his toys at the house or wont engage as often as I would like, he has mild tourettes syndrome.", "answer": "When I worked with kiddos 10 and under I unitized a lot of play therapy and therapeutic games. There\u2019s some great books out there with activities for kiddos as well. You can find out a lot working through the child\u2019s language of play. So even if they have their own toys you can use those in a therapeutic way as well. Tracking what they\u2019re doing, having them tell you what they\u2019re doing (a lot comes out this way without having to ask questions that you might with older kids and adults).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eljd14", "comment_id": "fdjf7sw"}, {"question": "Did Yasmin affect your libido and/or ability to orgasm?", "description": "I've been having a really low libido since I started taking Yasmin. I want to enjoy making love with my boyfriend, but my body doesn't seem to respond physically. I'm having a hard time getting turned on. I have trouble reaching orgasm. My boyfriend thinks it's his performance in bed that's causing the issue, but I have my suspicion Yasmin has a role in it. Last night he climaxed before I could, and he felt horrible since he always lets me go first or goes with me. ", "answer": "Def flattened my sex drive when I took it. Not as badly as ortho tri cyclen or ortho lo, but palpably. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "99sga9", "comment_id": "e4rcvca"}, {"question": "ZOOM participation", "description": "I\u2019ve always felt a significant urge to participate in class when it was held in person. For classes that weren\u2019t everyone\u2019s favorite, it often left the room silent after the professor was finished speaking and asked for questions or comments. It may just be a symptom of being hyper empathetic, but regardless of how anxious it made me to speak aloud in front of so many people, I felt it was my responsibility to fill each silence so the professor didn\u2019t feel like a failure. It was almost as if the lengthy quiet pauses in the room were more uncomfortable than anything else...\n\nAnd now that college/university courses are all moved online, I am feeling the same tendency to make up for everyone else\u2019s lack of interest and attention. Yesterday for example, every single person in my class (12 students) turned off their screens/video only 5 min into the 2-hr long session. I felt paralyzed with panic-should I turn mine off and blend in? Or should I keep mine on out of respect and to let the prof know she isn\u2019t utterly alone? Well as painful as it was...I kept mine on. My professor\u2019s spirit looked absolutely broken all throughout the session. With two kids at home and 2 jobs all online now, I couldn\u2019t understand why others didn\u2019t feel equally compelled to show her some support in this small way. \n\nDo any of you have similar feelings or stories to share? Sending this whole community lots of warmth and fuzzy feelings during this chaotic time!\n\nTLDR: Urge to participate in classes (physical or digital) to fill each uncomfortable silence and support professor. Very grateful for this community for making life a little less chaotic!", "answer": "As someone who has worked as a professor and has a lot of professor friends, I'm sure your professor SO appreciates your engagement!! It is so hard and demoralizing to teach when your students are completely tuned out. You extended some real kindness and respect to your professor. I wish more people were like you!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "futmig", "comment_id": "fmgclnw"}, {"question": "Nocturia", "description": "Had anyone had a hormonal imbalance that caused excessive urinating at night? I thought it was the spironolactone but discontinued that months ago and it\u2019s still happening. I\u2019ve read up on nocturia and saw it can be hormonal. I\u2019m on LoLoEstrin Fe. Anyways it\u2019s annoying and interrupting my sleep! Anyone else? Thanks!", "answer": "Have you ever tried Berberine to help with levels? I eat pretty well and walk daily. I liked the pdf you shared it was informative. I\u2019ll certainly consider switching from LoLoEstrin...just worried because it has been the only one that hasn\u2019t affected mood, usually BC historically makes me so irritable and moody! Anyways thanks!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "csrk7d", "comment_id": "exjohew"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me", "description": "I don't know. I feel so empty all the time. I am incapable of distinguishing between my emotions. I just can't. I don't know if I'm feeling happiness, or sorrow. The only thing I know is my rage. It boils up like lava, filling me like a drug. Once I feel it, I want to hurt what ever angered me, even if it's completely irrational. For example, once I got annoyed by my older sister. My anger filled me, and I just wanted her to hurt. I ended up scratching her hard enough for it to scab over. She would occasionally show it to me. I guess it was to make me feel guilty. I guess I was wrong to get physical, but I felt... nothing. I felt that terrible emptiness everytime she showed me. I said sorry, but I didn't mean it. And for so long, my mood could swing so quickly. I could be smiling at one moment, and then one tiny insignificant thing could enrage me the next. And I can switch between the personality masks I made for myself so fast. Usually, I pretend to be this bright, happy-go lucky girl. But I'm so tired of pretending to be happy. Hell, I felt so bloated after eating dinner that I went into the bathroom, inserted two fingers into my mouth, and debated if I should purge myself, and likely give myself bulimia as well. I ended up not, as I decided I just didn't care. Every time I feel like I may feel something other than anger, it slips away. My friend told me that I may be bipolar, but I would like to hear other people's opinions. It may be genetic, as my oldest sister (not the one I scratched) behaves similarly. She could be happy and laughing one moment, then screaming and cussing the other.\nI made this account today, so excuse any poor formatting.", "answer": "Doesn't sound like bipolar.\n\nHave you ever heard of alexithymia? Give it a google and see if it resonates with you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egmf08", "comment_id": "fc7lm5u"}, {"question": "Depression, but I know the cause?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started seeing a therapist. While the sessions have been OK, I think I may need more help. I\u2019m crying myself to sleep every weeknight. I\u2019ve lost the motivation to do one of the few things I love (cooking), choosing instead to just lie in bed (often crying some more). I\u2019ve felt empty and drained for so long. \n\nI guess my question is, is it reasonable to give medication a try if I know the primary driver of my sadness? While I do have some family/relationship/personality issues that I am trying to work on, it is my job that is causing the bulk of my pain. It is 8+ hours of dread, fear, and frustration, and it is near impossible for me to not let it poison the remainder of each day. I am trying to get into a better situation, but even that is made more difficult when I feel so beaten down and hopeless every evening. \n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "This is really a question to ask a psychiatrist and not a therapist. As a therapist though I'd say it's definitely worth talking to a psychiatrist though and seeing what they think. Ideally in therapy you should be working towards either finding a way out of that job or finding some way to cope so that it's not so stressful, but in the meantime, I imagine you'd like to stay stable enough to hold down the job until something better comes along for survival sake? If so, if medication is what helps you maintain so you don't have a breakdown, I don't see anything wrong with that. \n\n\nIt's always much easier to get a job while you have one than to get one when you're unemployed, especially if you end up unemployed for a while.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebxf6r", "comment_id": "fb82vt9"}, {"question": "Medication: what has/has not helped?", "description": "I'm a 26 year old aspie woman with a history of misdiagnosis...es...is... Whatever the plural is. I've been on various pills over the last ten years, none of which really seemed to do me much good. \nI've found the only thing that consistently works with minimal side effects is cannabis, but that's all tied up with my nicotine addiction and now I'm feeling trapped in a cycle of smoking every day.\nI don't like SSRI's much, especially Efexor, and I found Risperidone just made me more naively trusting, leaving me even more vulnerable to douchebags. \nSorry if it's a bit of a long ramble, I'm thinking about asking my Drs for meds, but I'm not sure which ones, or how much, or whether I'm better off just fighting through my nicotine addiction and trying to limit my pot usage. \nSo my question: what has/ has not worked for you? \n\nEDIT: I wasn't very clear at all, I should've said: what medications did/didn't work for associated depression, anxiety etc. Sorry. :( ", "answer": "There are NO medications that have been extensively supported to reduce the symptoms of autism/Asperger's syndrome. There are only a few case studies (studies by individual psychiatrists studying 1 or two individuals at a time for a period of a year or less). To put that in perspective most drugs (like SSRI's) are tested on thousands of people for several years before they are approved for public use for a specific illness.\n\nIf your doctor is trying to medicate Asperger's, you are going to the wrong doctor.\n\nThat being said, asperger's often comes with anxiety and depression. In these cases, Aspies have been shown to respond similarly to others. Individual aspies, including myself, often report little positive effect and extreme side effects when using anti-depression or anti-anxiety meds. However, this is normal for pretty much everyone. It can take years, trying one medication after another (a few months at a time) to find what medication works for an individual.\n\nMedications that effect the brain are highly individual for everyone and psychiatrists aren't even entirely sure why a med that works for one person doesn't work for another. That is why prescribing these sorts of meds is often a drawn out guessing game.\n\nI guess what I am saying is that you shouldn't seek medication to change your Asperger's, only depression/anxiety that comes with it. The most effective treatments for Asperger's are social skills training (or even active self-education) and individual/group therapy to increase your self-acceptance and learn how to adjust your lifestyle (and not blame yourself for what you can't change).\n\nEDIT: As far as pot is concerned, I don't have a problem with it and it seems to be an effective treatment for all kinds of problems. Of course, it also has unintended effects that need to be kept in check, especially if you are a daily user. That could be anything from lack of motivation to stoned driving/working. Many regular pot users are aware of the side effects and how going overboard can have negative effects, while others blind themselves to it. The only reason I don't do it is because the legal hassle isn't worth it for me and individual and group therapy have done a great deal of good for me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1emsvu", "comment_id": "ca1vlg0"}, {"question": "Finding a therapist seems impossible now", "description": "I am having the hardest time finding a therapist and I want to give up and just watch youtube videos of therapy and read self help books.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just ended it with my 5th one this year because she made me feel like a dollar sign.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI went to her because she was willing to work with me for $75. She is a Psychologist.I am sure she is well educated. Her market rate is $180. She asked ME what price worked for me and it was set. Or so I thought. Now today during our session all she was focused on was a 'scholarship agreement\" where she would see me for 30 minute sessions instead of the agreed upon 45 minutes because her reasons are as follows:\n\n&#x200B;\n\nfair practice dictates that she cannot offer me lower price than other clients\n\nif she agrees to $75 then the minutes will need to be lower\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just felt like a dollar sign and I told her that.\n\nI am trying so hard to improve and I have done a lot on my own. I cut out my vices..alcohol and cigs..I practice mindfulness..I do CBT workbooks etc but I cannot find a therapist I trust or who I think has my best interest at heart.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIt is so frustrating and now all I want to do is have a beer. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI understand therapy is expensive but she agreed to do $75 so why is she focusing so much on that now? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy only other option is to ask my parents to pay for my therapy but I don't want to do that because they have a history of using money as power and guilt tripping me for shit and I don't want to risk that again.\n\nExample: they pay for my therapy and then make me feel guilty for not calling often enough or eventually decide they can't pay anymore and I will be stuck and unable to afford therapy and maybe a meltdown ensues. \n\nso I prefer to do it all on my own so I wont have to deal with the rug being pulled out from underneath me in the future.\n\nI also have a disorder that is highly stigmatized so not even mental health professionals want to deal with me and every time I go to a new therapist and have to re-explain myself and my life story it just gets exhausting.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI need advice.\n\nShould I see if my parents will pay it so I can find someone who is decent and money won't be an issue? They said they want to support me any way they can..but again..past experience dictates that they will blackmail me eventually if I don't do what they want me to do.\n\nShould I just try to get better on my own? It feels impossible.\n\nShould I keep shopping around and hope to find someone who will work with me for my price and not waste a whole session discussing it and who will see me for longer than 30 mins? I need more than 30 mins a week. It just doesn't feel like enough.", "answer": "Oh gosh. I don't have time to say everything I want to say right now. But this therapist is behaving poorly in a number of ways. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "acxzo4", "comment_id": "edbrwcf"}, {"question": "Shortness of breath but all physical tests came back negative", "description": "My doctor is stumped. I'm not sure what to do from here. I did all sorts of physical tests including blood work (for pulmonary embolism), urine test, blowing into a tube, and a heart electricity scan thing. All negative.\n\nDoctor said it must be anxiety so I'm on anxiety pills. But the shortness of breath still occurs sometimes. It comes in waves of a few days. It makes my hand numb from taking in too much oxygen.\n\nI've had it for as long as I can remember (extends into my childhood) but it's only ever been a minor inconvenience, happening maybe for a few hours. Last year it lasted for a whole week so I went to my doctor. It's been happening on and off now every few months for a span of a few days. I've been on the anxiety pills since last year.\n\nI can occasionally catch my breath by yawning.\n\nWhat else could it be?", "answer": "Which anxiety meds are you on?\n\nEdit: youve had all the appropriate tests, so I think being trialled on anti-anxiety meds is correct.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "547zeq", "comment_id": "d80fij9"}, {"question": "Going into week 3 of common cold", "description": "Age: 19\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 5'0\n\nWeight: 11 stone 10lbs ish\n\nRace: white British \n\nDuration of complaint: around 2-3 weeks\n\nLocation: UK, on body it changes. Mostly hip and head. Currently, throat, nose, head, hip\n\nMedical issues: none except perhaps \"weak lower back\" \n\nMeds: provera but last dose was September (one a day for a week every 3 months) \n\nOkay so I got what I think/thought was a cold around the 10th of this month. I mostly had a headache, a blocked nose, dizzy spells, trouble digesting (needed a watery shit every morning) and lots of sneezing for the first week. Weirdly no cough/sore throat, but pain in my left hip every time I move it, step on my left leg and it gets worse in evenings, meaning I stay up really late sometimes because I just can't sleep. I don't know how that relates to a cold but it started with the start of this illness. I've always had lower back problems, so it might be related? the pain in my hip has spread down my leg a little and to my lower back but still mainly on my hip. It stops hurting if I stay sat/lay for a while. I didn't have much of an appetite until the end of the week and lived mostly on toast. \n\nIn the second week a lot of the same, but I started losing my appetite as quickly as I got it, lots of false hope there haha. I started getting a bit of a sore throat, like it's Swollen, possibly my glands?\n\nA few days ago I went to the doctors, saw a nurse practitioner and asked about it. She checked my tonsils and they weren't Swollen or anything, I can't remember if she said \"glands are/aren't Swollen.\" she checked my oxygen count which is apparently really good. My temperature is 37c or maybe 32.7c, I just remember 30 and 7. She told me my ears are completely clogged and I need to put olive oil in them and since she mentioned it my ears have been killing. Psychological or do they actually hurt? They also hurt when I swallow. My headache has mostly faded but I can still feel it there and certain things can set it off. Dizzy spells still in full swing if I look around too quick. Also new, jaw ache. Stops me sleeping sometimes. Nurse told me I probably have an upper respiratory infection, aka a common cold, so I feel like an idiot and don't wanna go back now. Kinda thankful I'm jobless as I would've lost it by now, so many sick days..\n\nThis is new in the past few days, I've lived on toast for 2 weeks now but now when I eat it I feel sick. Highly doubt I'll vomit but I don't wanna risk it as I already feel terrible. Yesterday I successfully ate an ice cream and a yoghurt, so it seems I can eat liquidy and sweet food without wanting to throw up? \n\nBasically, I'm confused as to what's going on. I'm sorry this is long and complicated and all mixed up, I'll try do a sum up\n\nOngoing symptoms:\n\n* Headache, most intense in first 1.5 weeks\n* Hip pain, spreading after 1 week\n* Loss of appetite, got it back at end of 1 week but came back\n* Stuffy and very slightly runny nose\n* Sneezing galore\n* Dizzy spells\n\nPast symptoms:\n\n* Issues digesting, a little better now but not fully fixed\n\nNew symptoms:\n\n* Sore/swollen throat, hurts to swallow and this morning, talk, started at 1.5 weeks\n* Jaw ache, started 1.5 weeks\n* Ears hurting, started 1.5 weeks after seeing nurse\n\nIs this just a really long cold or is it something more? I'm getting fed up now and if it continues my mind will end up straying to the dark thoughts of suicide. It's nothing like others have dealt with but this is the worst for me, I don't know how much longer I can handle eating next to nothing and hardly being able to move", "answer": "I'd say it's the cold, albeit one that's lasting a while.\n\n[NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5eu1zi", "comment_id": "daf5opv"}, {"question": "Can you get an imbalance in serotonin?", "description": "So I started taking an SSRI, fluvoxamine, in 2016 for anxiety and panic for about a full year. Then I stopped taking the SSRIs after that full year because I wanted to be independent of them (i.e. flat out stopped taking them, no winding down). Then, after 6 months of little to no anxiety, I started having panic attacks again. Then I went back on the same dosage of those very SSRIs. Noticed they were making me depressed and scared. Also started developing symptoms of a \"silent migraine\" \u2013 dizziness, foggy vision, feeling slightly off balance. Can this be correlated to my experience with this med? I also noticed I didn't have this silent migraine for months, and it recently developed a month ago. So then I deloaded off the SSRI but the silent migraine won't go away. Anyone know why? I went to the doc and he couldn't come up with a conclusion. He said it would go away with time. I should also mention that I did get prescribed panic attack medication, hydroxizine, which I only took once (25 mg), in February. I believe that the dizziness spells (i.e. silent migraine) started happening the day after I took that and won't go away. I should also mention that my state of mind is mostly negative, for example not understanding why the earth exists, being afraid of death, afraid of something bad happening.\n\nMaybe it's all in my head? Maybe I'm just hyperattentive to detail because of my anxiety? My psychiatrist prescribed to me a new med, Luvox; do you think I should take this to try to change my state of mind into a more positive one?", "answer": "Luvox isn't a new med, it's the brand name for fluvoxamine.\n\nIt's hard to know. SSRIs can have side effects, including ones produced by an excess of serotonin. It's hard to know what your \"silent migraine\" is, but it sounds like it seems to happen independent of SSRIs. That could itself be a symptom of anxiety.\n\nThese are things that you should talk about with your psychiatrist. Have you felt better when not taking an SSRI or when you have been, and which SSRI? Which symptoms do you have when?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c9h51", "comment_id": "dxdd528"}, {"question": "The only thing im looking forward to in life is getting fucked up. I have nothing else, idk", "description": "The only thing I look forward to is getting fucked up on LSD, MDMA and, well, anything I can get my hands on. I also play an unbelievable amount of PC games to escape. The idea of working kills me and schooling is hell. I don't know what I am to do...\n- I don't want to work for someone else\n- I want to be constantly fucked up \n- The only thing I look forward to is being out of a sober mental state", "answer": "Oh sweetheart. It\u2019s amazing you realize what\u2019s going on\u2014that you\u2019re trying to escape. All of these are avoidance behaviors, as you\u2019ve already noted, but\u2019s it\u2019s seriously good news that you can recognize it! \n\nNow for some questions that might help you decide how to proceed: \n\nDo you want to feel better? Are you ready to take some tough but necessary steps to break this demoralizing cycle?\n\nAre you in high school? If so, is there a mental health counselor on campus you can disclose this to? If you\u2019re a college kid, same question. \n\nHow long have you been doing this? The substances in particular?\n\nCan you tell your parents? How will they react?\n\nWhat I want you to know is that a lot of the awful feelings you are having are likely either caused or seriously exacerbated by the chemical imbalances you\u2019ve accumulated from the substance abuse. The good news about that is knowing there is relief on the other side, if you decide to quit. \n\nThe bad news: The longer you keep this up, the harder it will become to quit, and the more difficult the road to recovery. If you think you\u2019re ready\u2014however terrified you feel\u2014please take some steps to get help now. \u2764\ufe0f\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "826wd8", "comment_id": "dv7uamn"}, {"question": "My girlfriend\u00b4s little sister (4) died today a awful death", "description": " \n\nIm sorry for my bad english but I have nobody to talk about this ...\n\nThe little sister of my girlfriend died two hours ago and I had to watch it ... \nHer body parts got demolished by a motocycle chain that flew around from a bike accident.\n\nI babysitted her and we walked into the city and I bought her ice-cream and we stoud at the street to just enjoy the moment as at once and a motocycle crashed near us with 100 Km/h into a car ( in a zone with a 20Km/h speed limit) and the chain just broke und tored of her head ...\n\nI will never forget this moment when her head hit the ground and her facial expressions ( I cant explain how she watched but it was horror.\n\nI dont know what to do now ... Im very close to kill my self.\n\nI CANT HANDLE THIS SH\\*\\*\\*T RIGHT NOW\n\nPlease guys\n\nCan you please comfort me a bit ...\n\nIm really sorry for my bad english guys ..... ;(", "answer": "I'm so sorry that you experienced something so traumatic. I would suggest calling a Suicide Hotline to process this right away, and they can help find resources for you to see a therapist as you are experiencing something so traumatic. It makes sense why you are still shaken up. I am keeping you in my thoughts.", "topic": "whatsbotheringyou", "post_id": "cn96ot", "comment_id": "ew86fcd"}, {"question": "When you haven't done something for several years and you realize why. [TW] self harm. Poetic? [TW-self harm].", "description": "Last night I was having a tough time. When I say tough time, I mean checking bus shedules. Not to ride away, but to step off the curb. I was used to my depression and emptyness. I can normally supress my self hate through my medication. A little booze if needed. But it just was not working. I opened my desk drawer as usual and saw my razor blades. Usually I feel repulsed by them, but tonight was different. I held them, then put them back away. Not tonight I said. I'm not that weak. \n\n\nThen held them again, and decided who was working for ME? tonight. I tried to put it back away, but as soon as I opened my drawer to put it away, I saw myself make a quick stab at my arm. I was instantly discusted and ran from my room. I hid in the bathroom as if nothing happened. Surely if I hid here, nobody would ever know.\n\nI did it. I broke my several year streak. I hated myself. Yet...I felt better than I could ever recall. I felt lighter than my 180lbs and smiled. Smiled and a tear of joy ran down my cheek. My arm ached. But it was overcast by my joy. This. This was why we could not be friends. This was why I removed this wonferful yet awful escape from my life. This was why this \"friend\" had to stay in its cage. While still smiling with joy and in tears i looked at my prior scars. It was mere minutes before I was in a pool of tears filled with shame. I felt again. But at what cost? I felt joy and hope. But now I was filled with hate. Now I wanted to lay in bed and never wake. Now I wanted to bring my friend out again. \n\nOnly.... we are not friends. Friends help each other. This was not help. This is why we cannot be \"friends\" and you must remain in your cage.\n\nSigned yours truly. RangerRickR.", "answer": "Sometimes we need a reminder as to why we don't let certain friends come around. They are manipulative and out for their own self interest and only want you to feel as it feels. You didn't break anything, your resolve was strengthened and showed you are stronger than its grip", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ale8s", "comment_id": "csdssqr"}, {"question": "Crying over losing stuff", "description": "This is probably super random but I hate how I keep losing stuff.It always has to be something important I use everyday and it always ends up making me feel like I'ts the end of the world,no matter how small it is.How do people even lose stuff and still manage to calmly look for it ,not having it ruin their entire day?Here iam,at nearly 12 pm,crying over losing my acne creme like a baby-\n\n\nPutting it in a \"safe place \" doens't help at all bc guess what,I don't have a safe place bc when misplacing these things my mind is totally somewhere else and I end up finding it like a week later in some random place it is not supposed to be in.\n\n\n\nI just want to be normal", "answer": "Everything is always in my car. Or the freezer. The remote control, my cup of tea, everything. It is enraging. I feel like I am always on autopilot.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jmyeva", "comment_id": "gayvxuc"}, {"question": "19- kids will be kids", "description": "My two kids are 3 and 4yrs old. One girl. One boy. They currently want to just play fight constantly, the boy actually ended up with a blood nose today as the sister just ain't taking any of his crap (lol, a body slam with a t rex costume on is vicious no matter what age)\n\nSaying \"noooo stop that\" 500 times a day usually would make me just go nope... Screw it... I'm getting drunk as soon as you both go to sleep. But I spent the evening reading the news and generally not screwing my life up any further.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "I hear ya. I have three boys aged 2 , 5 and 6. Between fighting, breaking everything and eating constantly they have me worn out....however as you say its not a good reason to drink ( what is !). Imagine these situations with a hangover !! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "95l48r", "comment_id": "e3tknuv"}, {"question": "Advice regarding seeking diagnosis", "description": "25 years old. I've recently been considering that I may have ADHD. Pretty much all of the symptoms struck a chord with me and it might be why I've been struggling so much. I decided that I showed too many symptoms to ignore and have all my life so I booked an appointment with the GP in my university to try to get information and a referral. She told me that there was no way I would have gotten into university with undiagnosed ADHD as I wouldn't have gotten the grades. She wouldn't listen to any symptoms and had made up her mind that I was overreacting.\n\nI then went to my GP in my hometown for another opinion. She's been my GP all my life so I thought she might be more open to my thoughts. She completely dismissed me, calling ADHD a \"fad\" and a \"sexy diagnosis\". She said that seeing as my parents share some of my symptoms that it's just learned \"bad behaviour\" and that some people are just lazy. She treated me like someone looking for drugs and flatout refused to give me any information or a referral.\nI'm so afraid to go looking again as I've already spent so much time and money and I've been left feeling like I'm reading too much into it and really am just disorganised and lazy.\n\nHas anyone had else had any trouble seeking a diagnosis as an adult and how did you get people to take you seriously?\n\nTLDR: Been seeking a diagnosis and been dismissed by two doctors as lazy and unmotivated. Any advice in being taken seriously?\n\nThanks", "answer": "Riiiiight, and of course it's absolutely not lazy and unmotivated to send a patient away with a 'nope, you don't have it byeee'...\n\nDefinitely find a another doctor. A GP is not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, should not make a formal diagnosis, and should definitely give you a referral. ", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "b9fkdi", "comment_id": "ek48q6h"}, {"question": "I [23F] feel I have some kind of mental illness, my GP doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me", "description": "My life since early adolescence has been a struggle. My home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. I spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. I met a boy and now I'm a bit happier. Happy enough to try and get help. My GP gave me an SSRI and told me to book a therapist so I can stop the meds soon. My therapist told me to try breathing exercises.\n\nMy initial reaction to my therapist is anger. I don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. I've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. This SSRI is helping for now, but I don't want to go back to the life I was leading before. Even with my SO, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. I'm tired of struggling. What do I do? I feel like I want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. \n\nHere are some of my symptoms for reference:\n\n* dissociation/depersonalization/derealization\n* panic attacks\n* constant anxiety over 1 billion little things\n* low self esteem \n* self hatred\n* suicidal thoughts\n* racing thoughts\n* insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others\n* inability to keep to a schedule\n* brain fog\n* cant enjoy anything\n* short attention span and memory \n* constantly tired\n* paranoia \n* super impulsive at times \n* self destructive urges\n* hypersensitivity \n* extremely insecure\n\nHelp.\n\n**TL;DR** my GP gave me an SSRI on the condition I go to therapy, my therapist thinks all I need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. I don't agree and feel there's something deeper.", "answer": "I think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns. She may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment.\n\nIf she is unable to address them, I would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be. You may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role. A good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses).\n\nThis is a good article on choosing a therapist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/14/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist/\n\nIt's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4nnyvc", "comment_id": "d45gixm"}, {"question": "Cannabinoids and the prefrontal cortex.", "description": "Hi guys. Thought I'd share this review paper in here. \n\nhttp://www.cogsci.ucsd.edu/~pineda/COGS260/marijuana/Cannabinoids%20and%20PFCtx.pdf\n\nIt's a bit of a read, but I find knowing the physiological basis for my feelings helps me work through them a bit better when I'm getting mad cravings. Like a lot of people, I found myself with some memory & attention problems after I started smoking regularly. Knowing there's a bit of science out there confirming that there is a relationship between the losses in memory/behavioural function I experienced and my weed use really motivates me to refrain from smoking, in the hopes that I can slowly improve these things if I work at them...\n\nHope someone out there finds this helpful. Please hit me up if you find any reliable resources regarding marijuana and depression, as well as motivation! Thanks guys.", "answer": "It's not long term, and isn't serious. Youl be okay after a little while when it clears", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3wwvz0", "comment_id": "cxzptmo"}, {"question": "Just been prescribed sertraline (zoloft) 50mg and feel weird", "description": "Hey guys\n\nAfter many many years of persistent depression I've just started taking sertraline and I feel as though I've had ecstasy. My jaw is clattering away, my eyes keep bulging, I'm restless as hell and I'm chatting so much shit my girlfriend keeps looking at me like I'm a mong. \n\nI know its probably because my serotonin is so low in the first place this feels like a rush but have any of you had similar experiences? \n\nCheers x", "answer": "Yo, I had the SAME exact reaction. I was on it for 3 days experience what I felt was mild tripping. I felt so out of control and told my Dr about it who said \"hmm thags weird but should be normal soon\" \n\nI stopped taking it because I ultimately could not handle it. There are better medications out there ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "44akjb", "comment_id": "czozb6j"}, {"question": "Need help on blood results", "description": "I am white Scandinavian male aged 28, weighing approx 70 kilos, with a height of 182 cm. I am not on any meds, nor do I have any diagnoses. I am physically fit with six pack and all that, though I do a lot of computer work and will soon start working our more actively at a gym.\n\nRecently I have been feeling incredibly fatigued. I get up in the morning, have breakfast and instantly feel like going back to bed or at least lying down. I have had dizzy spells or at least this zombie mode forcing me to go home from the cafes I usually work at. I am so tired nowadays that I cannot go out with friends. I have cold clammy hands and cold feet -> possibly bad circulation?\n\n[Results from blood test](https://pastebin.com/ETFwp7E5)\n\nI could use your opinion on whether or not I might be lacking in vitamin D or something. \nI know my values are apparently within the min / max, but what might be causing my symptoms?", "answer": "I would guess that your symptoms are caused by something not showing up in that bloodwork.\n\nHow long have you had these symptoms? Did they start suddenly or gradually?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b7jiy", "comment_id": "dx4vp5y"}, {"question": "Follow up post with more detailed symptoms described. I'm getting really scared.", "description": "I have the following symptoms which I found in http://schizophrenia.com/earlysigns.htm \nThis is a follow up to an earlier post [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/schizophrenia/comments/2d1j6g/i_have_a_lot_of_symptoms_but_no_hallucinations_or/), but I thought I\u2019ll go into more detail as I\u2019m getting increasingly worried. As I said in my previous post, im 18, a male, no family history that I know off.\n\n- blank, vacant facial expression. An inability to smile or express emotion through the face is so characteristic of the disease that it was given the name of affective flattening or a blunt affect. (not too serious)\n\n--Overly acute senses- lights are too bright, sounds are too loud. (recent)\n\n--Staring, while in deep thought, with infrequent blinking. (done this since young)\n\n--Clumsy, inexact motor skills (had this since young)\n\n--Sleep disturbances- insomnia or excessive sleeping (been swinging between 2 to 12 hours sleep per night relatively unpredictably)\n\n--Involuntary movements of the tongue or mouth (facial dyskinesias). \n\nGrimacing at the corners of the mouth with the facial muscles, or odd movements with the tongue. (started 1 or 2 years ago)\n\nAn awkward gait (how you walk) (had this since young, getting worse though)\n\n--Movement is speeded up- i.e. constant pacing (not often)\n\n--Movement is slowed down- staying in bed (in extreme cases, catatonia) (no catatonia but I often feel very lethargic for no apparent reason)\n\nExamples of Feelings/Emotions----\n\n--The inability to experience joy or pleasure from activities (called anhedonia) (don\u2019t enjoy almost all things that I used to like and havent found anything new, feels like they are now distractions, not things that I actually like doing)\n\n--Sometimes feeling nothing at all \n\n--Appearing desireless- seeking nothing, wanting nothing\n\n--Feeling indifferent to important events\n\n--Feeling detached from your own body (depersonalization)\n\n--Hypersensitivity to criticism, insults, or hurt feelings\n( all of these started 1 or 2 years ago and seem to come and go lasting a couple of weeks to a couple of months each time. sometimes its really bad sometimes its bearable)\n\n\nExamples of Mood----\n\n--Sudden irritability, anger, hostility, suspiciousness, resentment\n\n--Depression- feeling discouraged and hopeless about the future\n\n--Low motivation, energy, and little or no enthusiasm\n\n--Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation (almost attempted suicide at one point)\n\n--Rapidly changing mood- from happy to sad to angry for no apparent reason (called labile mood)\n\n(All of these started the same time as the feelings and emotions symptoms)\n\nChanges in Behavior associated with schizophrenia ----\n\n(I\u2019ve managed to keep my life pretty functional but I can relate to many of them)\n\n--Dropping out of activities and life in general (lost interest in music, gaming, reading, things that use to interest me a lot)\n\n--Social isolation- few close friends if any. Little interaction outside of immediate family. ( I actually have quite a lot of friends, however I feel that many of them are going from friends to mere aquaintances, compared to 3 years ago, I feel a lot less close to many friends, I had about 4 people I would have felt comfortable talking to about possibly having schizophrenia, my mother, my brother and 2 friends, now I feel like I have no one. It just seems like they all stopped talking to me of their own volition. Like if I wanted to talk to any of them I needed to initiate, and they just seemed detached, like they don't want to be talking to me) \n\n--Becoming lost in thoughts and not wanting to be disturbed with human contact (spend a lot of time by myself not doing anything besides thinking)\n\n--Replaying or rehearsing conversations out loud- i.e. talking to yourself (very common sign) \n(One of the thing that scares me the most, I\u2019ve always talked to myself a little bit but they were conscious efforts, I find myself having an internal monologue now almost constantly which I sometime have out loud. i also have possible future conversations almost unconsciously, like ill be thinking of who I might have to talk to later and start talking to myself unconsciously rehearsing for said conversation) \n\n--Lack of goal-directed behavior. Not being able to engage in purposeful activity\n\n\n--Deterioration of academic or job-related performance (managed to keep my grades ok but effort and motivation has deteriorated tremendously in past years)\n\n--Inappropriate responses- laughing or smiling when talking of a sad event, making irrational statements. (not sure if it\u2019s a coping mechanism, I tend to laugh/smile when talking/thinking about my own personal problems, just feels like it makes it less stressful)\n\n--Drug or alcohol abuse (fucktons)\n\n--Smoke or have the desire to want to smoke (70-90% do smoke) - note: this is a very normal behavior for people who do not have schizophrenia also! (I love smoking)\n\n--Frequent moves, trips, or walks that lead nowhere (not sure about this, I often get walk out of my room and walk down the hallway before I realised that I have no destination. Not sure if its just absent mindedness)\n\n-Ruminating thoughts- these are the same thoughts that go around and round your head but get you nowhere. Often about past disappointments, missed opportunities, failed relationships.\n\n--Directionless- lack goals, or the ability to set and achieve goals\n\n--Lack of insight (called anosognosia). Those who are developing schizophrenia are unaware that they are becoming sick. The part of their brain that should recognize that something is wrong is damaged by the disease. (I didn\u2019t think there was anything wrong with me until I read the article and found I could relate to a lot of the early symptoms)\n\n--Racing thoughts (happens quite often) \n\n--In conversation you tend to say very little (called poverty of speech or alogia) (with old friends I don\u2019t get this, but with newer people its been happening more and more)\n\n--Suddenly halting speech in the middle of a sentence (thought blocking) (done this since I was little)\n\n--Difficulty expressing thoughts verbally. Or not having much to say about anything. \n\n--Difficulty focusing attention and engaging in goal directed behavior\n\n--Poor concentration/ memory. Forgetfulness\n\n(I\u2019ve always had memory problems, but the concentration issue started ~3 years ago)\n\n\nAs for delusions I don\u2019t really have too much, I sometimes think people are watching me when I\u2019m alone, like they can see out through my eyes sometimes and hear what I can hear, so I don\u2019t do things that I don\u2019t want them to see, or I\u2019ll talk to myself to explain to whoevers watching why im doing something. I sort of understand that that\u2019s silly but it\u2019s something that comes and goes since I was young. The feeling that people are looking through my eyes and whatnot have been getting stronger and much more frequent now. Whenever I\u2019m alone is when it usually starts. I thought that someone I knew was in love with me for a while but I think that was just wishful teenage thinking. Sometimes I think that the universe is trying to tell me something, Like I was in a class some time ago (I\u2019m first year uni) and I saw some writing on the whiteboard which said \u201cHelp is always available if you need it\u201d talking about tutoring and thought it was a sign that I should seek help. (hence this post)\n\nAs for hallucinations, I don\u2019t think I have any. No real ones anyway. I almost constantly hear music in my head but I think its more a case of music getting stuck in my head than hallucinations, like I know it\u2019s not real. It\u2019s not a real sound if you know what I mean. I have tinnitus at 18, I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s at sign, I never really went through much ear trauma that I know of. Listen to music at an acceptable level etc, went to a few concerts/clubs in my life but nothing crazy. Nothing that would cause tinnitus at such a young age. I\u2019ve been meaning to get it checked for a while but haven\u2019t. overacuteness of the senses is definitely something that\u2019s been starting for a while. I listen to music much softer now, have my computer/phone brightness much lower etc. sometimes just conversational voices indoors seem too loud to me.\n\nSo guys. Could you please help me out? This is about everything I can think of. I don\u2019t entirely want to go to a doctor as I\u2019m still on my parents health insurance so I don\u2019t want them to see that I\u2019ve been seeing someone for schizophrenia, they\u2019re old school and look down at people with bipolar/depression/schizo as attention seekers or whatever. Men have to be men right? Hahahahaa. Anyway. Please helpz\n", "answer": "Frankly, those symptoms you listed sound more like depression, anxiety, and/or ADHD could be the more likely culprit. It is common for people with chronic anxiety to fear \"becoming schizophrenic.\"\n\nStop reading up on symptoms. Anyone can find something online and convince themselves that they have it.\n\nTardive dyskinesia is a side effect of prolonged use of anti-psychotics, not from schizophrenia itself. \n\nThe fact that you think you are experiencing anosognosia means that you aren't experiencing anosognosia. \n\nYour heavy drug use could very well explain many of the symptoms you are complaining of. Many of those problems you listed could either be caused by or are definitely being made worse by substance abuse. If you don't like those problems, try to find a way to quit that substance abuse. Also, heavy nicotine use can actually exacerbate depression symptoms. \n\nSeriously, most of this stuff screams depression and/or ADHD, but Schizophrenia is not likely the culprit. However, I am not your doctor, only he/she can make that determination. If these issues are bothering you, go seek out some professional help (and lay off the substance abuse).", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "2d4qf7", "comment_id": "cjn2a3e"}, {"question": "Request: Pica Cravings", "description": "I'm an adult who's had pica, ocd, and ptsd since childhood. I developed arfid a couple years back after the ocd got worse. Managing things has become easier but recently I'm craving ice, coffee beans, toothpaste, and parafin wax. Any adults ever overcome pica or experienced it alongside other eds? Thanks!", "answer": "I have worked with a lot of patients suffering from eating disorders, and I even wrote my dissertation on EDs, but pica is far too often overlooked, especially in the research. I do not currently work with the ED population, but I do see it fairly often, probably because I do work in inpatient psychiatric settings.\n\nI'm going out on a limb here, but has any mental health provider (e.g, psychologist, psychiatrist, GP, social worker, etc) ever mentioned a purely behavioral approach towards the cessation or treatment of your pica? I'm talking Classical and Operant Conditioning. I'm just thinking out loud (or typing) here, but the goal is to unlearn or modify a behavior that you want to stop, but can't for whatever reason(s). By pairing, say, parafin wax with a naturally aversive stimulus, the strength of your desire to eat wax would lessen/decrease over time. With operant conditioning, there are certainly methods of reinforcement/punishment that could be individualized to target your specific behaviors. \n\nWhat might be tricky is tackling the array of items you find appetizing, and that the list of these items may not be exhaustive. Creating a hierarchy of the most harmful and appealing down to the least harmful and take them or leave them items might be a possible approach. \n\nI just want to point out, I am a clinical/forensic psychologist, I am not an expert in purely behavioral approaches, but I have received plenty of training. I found your case interesting, and I can only imagine how you and many others must feel about living with this. I just wanted to offer a potential suggestion, which may or may not turn on a lightbulb in your or someone else's head. \n\nI wish I could have been of more help, but I do wish you the best.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "ecrslx", "comment_id": "fcai5f6"}, {"question": "How to Prep for Psychiatry Appt?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nI tend to second guess myself before appointments with a psychiatrist, and I'm trying to go in to my appointment Friday prepared. \n\nThe situation is: I saw this psychiatrist a few times nine months ago, then I went to rehab where a GP managed my meds, and now I want to start working with her again. What pushed me to make the call was I had this strange \"flare up\" of anxiety, then depression... it only lasted a week (been better last few days). Otherwise, I've been pretty stable. \n\nI have a therapist, group therapy, and a \"emotion diary card\" that I fill out every day (ranking the primary emotions 0 - 5). Most of the anxiety or sadness I experience generally relates to circumstances and isn't an ever-present thing. How can I possibly say if I need a med change, being that my mental landscape is the only one I know? (See, it's confusing!)\n\nHow to go into this effectively? Thank you in advance!! Even minor tips appreciated.", "answer": "Just be very honest with your history and what's been going on. They may make some changes, they may not. The absolute most important things when talking to a psychiatrist are as follows\n\n1. Always be honest with your psychiatrist, especially about any suicidal/homicidal ideation.\n2. Always be completely honest about whether you have followed medication recommendations and have taken meds as prescribed. Make sure to let them know if you often forget or skip days.\n3. Be up front with your psychiatrist regarding any concerns you have about medication. Remember, just because a psychiatrist recommends something or prescribes certain medication, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to (though you probably should if you trust them). If you are concerned about certain side effects, want to titrate down, or simply don't want an increase, let them know. A good psychiatrist will work with you on this. \n4. Lastly, always be 100% honest regarding the frequency of drinking/drug use as this can have a huge impact on the effectiveness of medication and could make the use of some medication extremely dangerous. \n\nIt's hard to imagine because we put doctors and psychiatrists on a pedestal believing they always know best. After spending years in the field and working with a number of psychiatrists, I've come to realize, it's just a trial and error type thing based off a highly educated guess that is based off of what you tell them. This is why complete honesty is key.\n\nHope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6voo89", "comment_id": "dm27h99"}, {"question": "Aneurysm Question", "description": "ssions. Please include:\n\nAge - 22\nSex - M\nHeight - 5'9\nWeight - 130 \nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 2 months\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Ohio, right eye\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - None\nCurrent medications (if any) - None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example) /\n\nI was curious: If an unruptured aneurysm were causing eye pain, would it be constant, or could it be made worse by things like exercise or sodium intake? Would it cause a pressure type feeling before pain? Would it cause nausea?", "answer": "These are theoretical questions which are hard to answer in general. Are you worried you have a brain aneurysm? What are your complaints?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbfbk7", "comment_id": "ekj94uw"}, {"question": "I [25/m] feel I'm setting too high of expectations with my gf [24/f].", "description": "(Sorry if this is long, I wanted to be thorough)\nWe have been dating for 2 years, 4 months, and for the most part it's been an amazing relationship. We get along really well and truly value and love each other. However, I often find myself at times doubting whether the relationship is truly okay, mostly due to our differences in the amount of affection we give each other. I'm a very affectionate person, usually showering with compliments and gifts and overall positive affection towards my gf. She, on the other hand, is a bit more reserved when it comes to showing affection, in which she is a very affectionate person, just a lot more subtle than I am. This is leading me to constantly feel that there's something wrong between us, and that she's not giving me as much affection as I would like. I've tried to address this to her before, and she's communicated to me that she feels that the amount of affection she gives me is \"never enough,\" for me, and that I'm just trying to find a problem. I acknowledge that I may be setting an unrealistic expectation, and I'm sick of trying to argue this with her. I need help in trying to find a balance between us so that we're both content.", "answer": "You can't expect her to be who she's not. Chill. Be yourselves. If she thinks you're too affectionate, she should tell you \" not now\". This chasm can be crossed.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ssidl", "comment_id": "dlfgnf1"}, {"question": "When is it time to move on to a new therapist?", "description": "Beyond inappropriate or unprofessional behavior, when have you realized it's time to move on and either find another person or take a break?\n\nThe idea of starting from scratch is tough but I'm wondering if it'd be worthwhile to try to find someone with a different approach, or if I need to work harder. How have you made that call and was it worthwhile?", "answer": "I had a good run with my old T. I think she got too comfortable with me, because she talked about herself too much, like I was a friend, when I needed it to be all about me.\n\nI realized I wasn\u2019t looking forward to our sessions anymore when I have always done so in the past with not only her but anytime I was in therapy. I made a switch and am very happy with my new T.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcnnjl", "comment_id": "eks4xwe"}, {"question": "How long to see a Psychoanalyst?", "description": "I\u2019ve seen a cognitive behavioral therapist in the past on and off for about 4 years, it helped momentarily but my problems were deeper than CBT could handle.\n\nNow I\u2019ve been seeing a psychoanalyst since the end of January, beginning of February 2018, but nothing feels different except my impatience and frustration levels with her have been growing. I don\u2019t feel like I am moving forward, I don\u2019t feel like I know what I\u2019m doing and her response is always just \u201ccome in and talk about whatever, you need to be patient, working through your trauma takes a long time, years.\u201d \n\nHow long do people usually see psychoanalysts? Shouldn\u2019t I feel better, at least a little, instead of progressively worse after a session? I was looking for relief, advice, tools to handle my depression/anxiety/trauma but I just feel more lost than before... how do you know it\u2019s working? Am I expecting too much at this stage? \n\nI need some advice because I am losing hope ", "answer": "I supervise a lot of therapists at a mental health agency where I work. This is a common topic that comes up and usually leads to a lot of debate and contention. Different modalities of treatment and personalities of therapists will influence how long they expect treatment to last. \n\n\nPsychoanalysts are typically taught and trained that the therapy process can and should take years. Psychoanalysis can work wonders for some people, but it's certainly not the only way. \n\n\nSome of my mentors and teachers from years ago used to tell us that if either you and/or the client can't tell a noticeable difference in their life or identify progress towards their goals after 1 year, something isn't working. Either the client is not putting in the work in and in between sessions, the therapist is not doing a good job, or the therapist no matter how competent may not be a good fit for the client. The ethical thing to do is to transfer the client to someone else. \n\n\nI, like many therapists, am a very eclectic therapist pulling ideas and interventions from various modalities: Existential therapy, CBT, ACT, Solutions Focused Brief Therapy, Mindfulness, psychodynamic therapies, etc. I tailor what I do in session to the clients individual needs rather than work from one rigid framework. You may benefit from working with a more eclectic therapist. \n\n\nI've also told my clients, friends, and anyone who asks about this type of thing my general rule. Give your therapist 3 sessions. If you don't feel like you click or that you are hopeful about progress being made, change therapists. Shop around until you find someone who's a good fit for you. In many cases, if you discuss this openly with your therapist, they should be willing and able to give you some good referral info. \n\n\nLastly, just for some perspective, while of course there are some exceptions, when I've met with new clients who were very invested in their therapy and had a ton of stuff going on, therapy lasted about 9-12 months. Therapy was weekly for probably the first 3 quarters of the time, then as they had just about met their goals, bumped to every other week to prepare to discharge. I've had some clients come back when they felt like they needed a bit of a tune up and might work with me for another 2-3 months to get things back in order or address a new issue. \n\n\nMy last piece of advice is to not get too caught up in searching for a therapist with a specific modality of treatment. Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and can easily connect with is by far more important than what mode of treatment they advertise. \n\n\nI hope things get better for you soon. Let me know if you have any additional questions. \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8slpfe", "comment_id": "e11ou8m"}, {"question": "PCOS with regular cycles?", "description": "Hello! I was told last year by my doctor that based on my blood tests- I had wonky LH to FSH ratios-, increasing facial hair and thinning hair on my crown, that I most likely had PCOS. She wouldn\u2019t perform an ultrasound as she told me it might not prove anything anyway as some people don\u2019t present with cysts. \n\nHere\u2019s the deal- even though I have a slew of other symptoms, my periods are regular, my testosterone is normal and I ovulate regularly. I know that this is not typical with a PCOS diagnosis, so I\u2019m wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed while not experiencing irregularity? Is it possible I am misdiagnosed?\n", "answer": "The PCOS diagnosis is broad. Typically, other adrenal, hormonal and thyroid conditions should be ruled out first before arriving at it, but you probably still qualify per your description. Did they check your glucose / A1Cs? I think women within normal weight ranges can still be insulin resistant. \n\nAs an aside, my understanding is that the bowel issues with luteal and menstrual phases come with excess estrogen or an out of whack estrogen progesterone ratio. Instead of just your uterus cramping, it also sends messages to your digestive tract to cramp too. I\u2019ve read that supplementing with flax can be good for this (I follow the FLO living protocol).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8qgdi8", "comment_id": "e0j8r1f"}, {"question": "22M - Cutting off FWB 19F", "description": "I have been sleeping with said girl for around 2-3 months now, but I've started becoming increasingly attached and I don't think it's wise to continue with the relationship. I'm on Christmas break from university at the moment, but when I go back I think I need to cut things off with her, there's just a few thing that I'm struggling with.\n\nFirst of all she may not be interested in me anymore like that, but I guess that's just something I'll have to judge for myself.\n\nFor the record, I don't want a romantic relationship with this girl. I can be a very jealous person and have realised that having an FWB that's in your social circle isn't a good idea. \n\nI want to cut things off with her, but I would like to spend one more night with her (probably sounds quite selfish, but there you go). I was planning on talking to her at some point when I return, more than likely when we are at a party and telling her that I don't think we should carry on with this, but she's welcome to stay for the night if she wanted to.\n\nI spoke to a friend about this and he suggested that the above wasn't a good move and would probably be received badly. He said that I should act as if nothing is wrong and spend a night with her, and then speak to her a few days later to say that I think we should stop sleeping with each other for a while.\n\nI really don't know what the best solution is here, well, I guess the best solution is to cut things off without sleeping with her! But there's a part of me that's telling me that's a really good idea, and one I'm finding hard to ignore haha.\n\nAny thoughts or advice would be much appreciated, thanks!", "answer": "i would just tell her now, otherwise you're using her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mss38", "comment_id": "dc61irf"}, {"question": "Advice please", "description": "Okay. So, 2 years ago after a 2 1/2 year relationship and knowing each other 17 years (I am 36, he is 34) my boyfriend and I split up. It was my fault. There was an infidelity on my part about a year into the relationship. It wasnt a long term thing. It lasted 2 weeks and we never slept together. I told him immediately and we tried to work it out for another year and a half but our insecurities caused problems and we ended up breaking up. That was 2 years ago. In the 2 years since then, we have started this on and off sexual relationship. Well sleep together for a month and then he'll push me away for some random reason (like he'll say I asked him a stupid question or something). Then we won't talk for anywhere from a week to a month and a half and then suddenly we'll start talking and sleeping together again. About 2 weeks ago we started sleeping together and hanging out again. He initiated the conversation and then invited me over and it just went from there. When it started he was texting me good morning every morning and chatting me up during the day. Now he's back to hardly talking to me. He'll text me back if I text him but he doesn't initiate it. I want us to move past this relationship into an actual relationship but I'm not sure how to do that. I don't wanna approach the topic because he'll get mad and say I'm pushing and then he'll pull away all together. I'm still head over heels in love with him and I feel like he still loves me too because he keeps coming back but maybe he's scared to have a real relationship with me again? What do you think? Am I just being used or is it possible that he does feel the same? What should I do? How can I move us towards a relationship without pushing? I really need some advice. Please.", "answer": "go to counseling together and work this out one way or another once and for all", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5p0ezp", "comment_id": "dcnhrxy"}, {"question": "Can I (26F) do something about this bad cycle with my boyfriend (26M)? Or am I just too demanding?", "description": "When I (26F) am upset or want to talk about something and send a text to my boyfriend (26M) of 6 years he says it's hard to talk over text, and I can understand that, so I'll stop texting about it and wait to talk later. We live together but he travels sometimes for work, and we don't necessarily have many hours together in the evening. This is probably why I feel the impulse to text him - otherwise, when will be the next opportunity to tell him what I'm thinking about? I don't want it to fester.\n\nBut in his hours at home it seems like my boyfriend wants to relax and he doesn't get back to me on whatever I mentioned during the day, unless I bring it up again and press the issue, which is getting harder to do. Ironically (seeing as I'm doing this emotional labor), one thing I want to talk about is whether he could be more considerate and engage in the emotional labor of the relationship. I'm tired and feel like a nag. Negative things are building up inside as he forgets or doesn't want to talk, and I get progressively more resentful. It's impacting how I behave with him.\n\nHow can I break this vicious cycle? I've told him that I'm feeling strained, that I wish he would reach out more, that we've gotten into a bad pattern of interacting and I'm trying to think of ways for us to reset, and get back to all the reasons why we're together. This hasn't elicited much help - he says I'm too demanding, and will never be satisfied. It sounds like he thinks things would be fine if I stopped having problems in the relationship and were more easygoing. When he does listen to me talk then he is being generous towards me, and I shouldn't expect him to have any response.", "answer": "This is a terrifically articulate, thoughtful post. He's not prioritizing communication and emotional sharing the way you need him to. If you've hit a roadblock trying to discuss this, I would definitely recommend couple therapy. If he refuses that, than he just might not be the kind of man you want to be with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e84d5", "comment_id": "di8at6z"}, {"question": "I just want you to comfort me", "description": "Maybe I'm too sensitive. Some things get me and I just can't help it. But when I break down in tears, I expect you to be there. To comfort me and ease me out of it. Not to complain about why I didn't say I was feeling like shit before and start a passive-agressive rant.\n\nI don't know why I still hope one day you will actually be there, no judging involved.", "answer": "It is important to be upfront with what we need and what we expect; however we can't be upset when the answer is no. We only have control over what we do and how we react.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fk0yp", "comment_id": "d29l3rw"}, {"question": "Don't know what to do (advice)", "description": "So i met this girl around 2 years ago, we just now decided to do something about it. Although we have always been intimate it wasn't a constant relationship more of a fling. I try talking to her but most of the time i either receive an ok or yes, or some type of emoji for an answer, most of the time i have to make conversation just to talk. She lives close by but has her dads house next to mine and that is how we met. She told me that she wanted to be with me but that she couldnt, and after i expressed that i would do anything including talking to her dad about it she accepted it although when talking about it she mentioned to keep it quite between us and the people who knew already. I did not think much of it and I'm probably overreacting but i just can't figure out if she truly wants to be with me or she said it just to be nice, keep in my that I'm 4 years older, 20 and she's 16. I don't know how this will be received but if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it.\n\nPs i should also mention that the night she told me that she wanted to be with me she also told me that if i found someone that made me happier to go for, to which i replied the same thing. And yesterday i clarified that i was not going to go around going out with girls. That it would only happen if it occurred naturally. ", "answer": "She seems ambivalent about wanting a relationship. Not surprising, give her age.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tmola", "comment_id": "dllyrg6"}, {"question": "It's been 11 years but apparently my ex is still stalking me", "description": "I just need to say this and there's no one in my life I can tell. \n\nI have this horrific ex; we were engaged, we had a kid (who died), it was this whole thing 11 years ago. He was incredibly, terrifyingly abusive, in literally every sense of the word, and at one point held me hostage. We were together for 18 months, 11 years ago.\n\nWe've been through 4 criminal cases and 5 restraining orders. He's been in and out of jail I don't even know how many times. He's managed to find me eventually after each time, and followed me home from work, or broken into my apartment while I was home, etc etc etc. It's been this whole big thing.\n\nLast August he started calling me from prison (he was doing a 4 year sentence for sexually assaulting his 15 year old sister because what the ever-loving hell is wrong with this world) and writing letters despite a no-contact order. He'd call over 20 times a day sometimes if I didn't pick up, it was this thing. Got bad, I ended up in a psych ward this summer because pills are a thing you shouldn't take too much of. Got therapy, was able to cut contact on my end. He still called all the time but it's been since before the hospitalization that we've actually spoken. \n\nHe hasn't called in 33 days. I've been feeling kinda messed up lately because I knew he was due to be released two weeks ago and currently, he obviously knows how to get in touch with me. But it was two weeks and nothing and today I was actually having a conversation with myself about how it might finally be over, you know? \n\nI've gotten two phone calls in the past two hours from a number I don't know. Ten minutes ago I just got a text from the same number: \"I just got released today. Call me back.\" \n\nIt's totally him and I'm totally freaking out and there's no one I can talk to. It's Christmas, I'm visiting family tomorrow, my parents and my aunt and my sisters and my grandmother, all these people who love and support me through all of this and who I cannot possibly tell because it's Christmas and this is supposed to be resolved and over by now and I can't keep doing this over and over and I'm tired of hurting them and I don't want Christmas to be all about how my life is suddenly falling apart again and everyone being scared and concerned for me.\n\nI just needed to tell someone. I have no idea what to do right now, except go to bed because I have to work in the morning and then drive 4 hours in a giant snow storm. I just needed to tell someone. I hope it's okay to post this here. Thanks.", "answer": "Holy fuckballs, please do pardon my french but that's beyond upsetting and you *do not deserve any of that* and ***THAT MAN IS A SICKO***\n\nI actually had to get a restraining order as well, and after one of many really traumatic violations I ended up moving 2000 miles away. He tried to set my childhood home on fire and made some really vulgar sexual threats. Luckily a security guard overheard and he was ejected immediately. But he's found me twice, 2000 miles away twice now. A last year my neighbor *in Seattle* called the cops because he sat in his car in our driveway all day. \n\nI did call the police probably a dozen times, and went through the whole process of a trial, and a University hearing, and I would urge you to think deeply about it. The culture in America right now is very misogynist--whether they'll admit it or not. I worked in the data office for my University (Yale) my junior year (they recorded everything for grant purposes, or so I was told) and out of the literally *several hundred* gender based and sexual assault, abuse, and harassment cases officially reported by staff for the fiscal year of 2001, only 10 resulted in guilty verdicts and consequences. I was furious. I literally fucking quit. I told them to shove their injustice up their ass. Sexual abuse and domestic violence is so personal, so victimizing, so vulnerable and sensitive, it takes such courage to admit and reach out for help and support. It's just not something that the average person is going to lie about. I mean I'm sure some sicko somewhere does, but that's a tiny tiny minority, that's not a binder full of people. \n\nI would honestly recommend to you, OP, getting a therapist. If you can't access or afford one, I'm actually legit a psychiatrist and while I can't legally give you medical advice via the internet, I would be happy to speak to you as a friend who can empathize and lend a caring ear and perhaps offer some helpful and well educated suggestions if you would be interested. But yeah, for sure definitely feel free to reach out. It's a horrible thing to have to live and cope with, and I feel like, even for therapists, the only people who truly understand are the people who've personally experienced it.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7lef4p", "comment_id": "drm8q3n"}, {"question": "I'm struggling with an issue that might put me in jail if I don't phrase it carefully. How do I ask for help without incriminating myself?", "description": "For obvious reasons, I won't say what it is, but I have this issue that I've dealt with for years now. It's consumed me and made me hate and doubt myself. I want assistance with this problem...but I also don't want to be arrested, either. I want to put the past behind me and move forward.\n\nHas anyone here dealt with a sensitive topic that *could* have resulted in legal trouble if you hadn't managed to convince a therapist you wanted help fixing it?\n\nEdit: I want to put here that I have never hurt anyone and I never want to. That's why I need help.", "answer": "Therapist checking in. I concur that if you\u2019re dealing with thoughts about, say, underage children, but you haven\u2019t acted on them and aren\u2019t planning to, you should be safe to tell a therapist. We are mandated to report child abuse and to protect people if we believe our patient plans to harm them; confirm this with the person you finally choose to disclose this to if it helps assuage your fear. \n\nPlease do get help, and take the time to try out some therapists who are a) trauma-focused and b) you feel comfortable with. \n\n(I mention trauma because I\u2019m just guessing you\u2019ve had some in your own youth). \n\nTake care. Shame dies in the light, you may feel find some relief simply in talking about what is disturbing you with someone who you trust. \n\nEdit to say that duty to warn and abuse reporting vary by state; again, confirm with your provider. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9y02t7", "comment_id": "e9x5d46"}, {"question": "I [35/M] feel like my psychologist [50/M] is being a bit possessive. Not sure if I'm overreacting.", "description": "I've been seeing my psychologist for about half a year now, twice a week, 2 hours per session. From the beginning, he agreed to do it for free as long as I was truly committed to improve myself and not give up half way.\n\nHe has done an amazing job, he has helped me overcome the issues I approached him for (Suicidal thoughts after having been in an abusive relationship, and a few more things). When I met him, my future seemed bleak, there was nothing to live for. He even helped me get a good paying job.\n\nIn the beginning, I was seeing him as a psychologist and a therapist somewhere else. I once had to cancel a session with him because I couldn't cancel the therapist. Later that day, he sent me an email asking why I canceled him and not the therapist instead.\n\nIt's been about a month since I realized I no longer \"needed\" his help. Now that I have no \"complaints\" or any issues to discuss, it feels like he's trying to dig for more stuff. He keeps trying to make me upset and resentful of my parents when I don't have any problems with them. He keeps criticizing me and anyone who has sex without having a deeper connection with someone (in other words, hooking up). He keeps repeating he's not my father but he's going to put his father hat on and starts judging me.\n\nI recently joined the gym and hired a trainer. I also found a workout buddy on Reddit and have been working out everyday from Monday to Friday. Workout buddy is very physically active (swimming, boxing, biking, etc) and I've been joining him. Meaning he's been taking a lot of my time. I canceled the last two sessions with my psychologist (in advanced) to see the trainer and work out with my new friend. I didn't tell him why the first time, and he sent me an email saying it was fine but even though he knows it's none of his business, he wanted to know the reason why. After canceling the second time, he sent me a long email telling me he was upset because I didn't keep my part of the contract about improving myself, that I'm having fun instead of improving myself, that I've let myself down, etc. It sounds like he feels he's being pushed aside.\n\nTo be honest, I really don't want to see him anymore but I feel obligated because of all the helped he has generously given me. At the same time, it feels like he's being a bit possessive but I also understand he cares about me, or at least I think he does and it's why he's been pushing me to do better. Am I overreacting here?\n\nTL;DR: Psychologist gives me sessions for free as long as I commit to improving. After half a year I don't need him anymore and he's upset.\n ", "answer": "Psychologist here, maybe I can be helpful.\n\nParts of this seem very weird to me, others less so. Offering free services for a long term client who is temporarily (at least in theory) unable to pay isn't that unusual, I've known people to do this. It has its pitfalls, absolutely, but still not too strange. You shouldn't feel indebted to him as a result, although I would understand why you might. It's also not uncommon for a therapist to feel like issues are glaring, while the client doesn't seem to see it as a problem. This happens a lot. HOWEVER, it is the therapist's job to guide the client, not badger and judge. Christ. Sometimes clients will never really \"get there\" in terms of understanding a connection you see, and you have to let that go. Maybe it really wasn't an issue, maybe they aren't ready, whatever. Let it go. I have a bigger issue with the judgmental attitude about sex, psychologists should know better than that crap.\n\nIt is weird to me that you're seeing him so much, 4 hours a week for 6 months is a ton. If you were my client, I would talk about maybe stepping down from that if you were feeling better. I can see how going from that frequency to none seems worrisome to him if you were initially in a very rough spot. I can understand how he's concerned about sessions being cancelled. But he's handling it so poorly. \"Having fun instead of improving myself\"??? That's terrible.\n\nI think he feels like you have things yet to accomplish in therapy, and is reacting poorly to the idea that you might not get to. He's seeming needy and dancing on boundaries. I'm sorry it's awkward, but doubt you can get much else out of his help. There is always some value in closure, but I'm not sure the benefits outweigh the drama here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3rhkvn", "comment_id": "cwok82e"}, {"question": "How do you keep that excessive chatter down?!", "description": "When my meds wear off, there\u2019s no doubt I can tell. But it\u2019s when I\u2019m in bed, needing to get a good night\u2019s sleep where it\u2019s really problematic. What techniques are good for controlling that unnecessary chatter in your head? Feels like my brain\u2019s going to explode at times. I just want to sleep please.", "answer": "Have you tried any type of mindfulness practice? There are many different ways to do it and I can give you some links if you want. Mindfulness is more challenging for us but can still be helpful. When I lay in bed unable to sleep, I try to focus on my breath and I think the word \u201cpeace\u201d on the inhale and \u201ccalm\u201d on the exhale. I usually find my mind drifting or the chatter starting and have to redirect myself back to the exercise multiple times but often (not always) I\u2019m able to do it and it can really help me go to sleep. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9zoqr3", "comment_id": "eaaug50"}, {"question": "How do I carry on conversations?", "description": "Hi, \nI recently started in a new high school. I have a few friends but I think I could have more if I could just have a regular conversation. All my attempts seem to not work. \nThey go something like this (I am the first one to talk):\n\nHi\n\nHello\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n \nThat's good.\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n\nThat is the essence of almost all of my conversations. How can I talk better?", "answer": "I wrote an [online guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). Maybe it will be helpful for you -- check it out! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "181ezj", "comment_id": "c8atzhz"}, {"question": "why am I so self consious about every single thing I do?", "description": "I feel as if I'm weird , I feel uncomfortable around people when they are looking at me dirrectly in the eye (eye contact). I feel like people think of me negatively and I shake or I nearly lose my voice and become really nervous any advice?", "answer": "Look:\n\n'Fear of judgment' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Fear to be weird' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Because you think people think more about you than they do' ? Closer to truth, but not quite.\n\nWhat's actually going on is that *you believe about yourself* that you are inadequate. You don't want others to find out. So you have something to hide. You have to hide your inadequacy because if people find out you're screwed; they'll abuse you, mock you, exclude you, reject you. That's what you believe subconsciously. So social contact, especially being looked at, is intimidating and frightening, risky, for that reason. You might be sad too, and unconsciously trying to hide the sadness as well, because that might make you 'weak', 'vulnerable'. So there's another thing to hide, another reason not to want to make eye contact, and to be 'self conscious' and check whether you are making enough eye contact, but also not too much, whether you are seeing signals that the other person is on to you in their facial expression or their gaze, etc. etc. This is all happening at lightning speed and usually pre-verbally, so you don't necessarily literally think all of this in words. It's a deeper belief.\n\nYou're not afraid people think of you negatively, truly. What you are afraid of, is that they find out how shitty a person you actually are. Because you believe you are. They call this projection.\n\nWhat I'd advise is starting to notice throughout the whole day, when you have negative thoughts about yourself going through your mind.\n\nMaybe also check [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/8a35if/how_to_not_let_other_people_control_your_mood/dx6b6th/) out that I wrote a couple days ago.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8byb81", "comment_id": "dxbjnje"}, {"question": "Friend(35/m) is being mentally and physically abused by wife (37/f). Does anyone have some insight?", "description": "I have a good friend who I\u2019ve known for a long time, a big, gentle giant, who has come out recently about the abuse his wife inflicts on him on a daily basis. We\u2019ve known about her mental instability for some time now, she threatens to kill herself a lot, threatens to kill him. She wound up in the psych ward for two weeks after he called the police on her (she called him while she was out of town and said she was going to off herself). And while my friend would talk about the mental abuse, screaming, demeaning, controlling, the works, he just opened up about the physical abuse. I\u2019m assuming he\u2019s never talked about this because of the stigma men face when assaulted by women. \n\nOne of the stories he shared that really shook me, was one that happened three days ago. She was angry at him and began to physically assault him so he left their house and walked out to a camper they have on their property. He locked her out so she stood outside for two hours screaming and beating on the side of the camper, threatening to light it on fire if he didn\u2019t let her in. Finally, she left, went to the house and calmed down but he said he was seriously worried for his life. \n\nBut the thing is, his wife is very professionally developed, she\u2019s an industrial safety auditor, she\u2019s on the road a lot, makes very good money and I just don\u2019t understand how she can have all these mental health issues that cause her to psychotically abuse her husband but can keep it together at work and not have issues. Obviously, something is wrong with her but I just can\u2019t figure it out. She hasn\u2019t been properly diagnosed but the topic of her being bipolar has been thrown around. But if she was actually bipolar wouldn\u2019t that also affect other aspects of her life? I've told him he needs to think of his health and safety and leave her, and while he's thinking about it, he still wonders if her mental issues can be fixed. I personally don't think so, it's been going on since they married he says (three years), but I just can't figure her out.\nAnd just to confirm, I've offered him all the help I can, a place to stay, referrals to counselors, and a shoulder to cry on.\n\nTLDR: My male friend is getting abused at home, the wife claims she suffers from mental instability, possibly bipolar disorder but has no problem keeping it together at work. I can\u2019t figure out if she\u2019s a narcissist or just a serial abuser? Does anyone else have a story like this, and can offer some insight?\n", "answer": "doesn't matter what she has. she needs to get help and he needs to be safe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzzwe", "comment_id": "dcv6894"}, {"question": "Major Depression, ADHD-Combined Type, PTSD from trauma, and Social Anxiety, what medication needs to go", "description": "Psych is at a loss when I ask her and i do live in a toxic controlling broken home so I don't know when Im better or not better and just entertainment.\n\nI was on high doses of adderall throughout law school and added lexapro 10 mg when i couldn't attend class anymore, it saved my life and helped me finish law school but i was lethargic and dumbed down not realizing the girl i was dating may have been doing drugs (she was beautiful so maybe i was thinking with wrong head), but my adderall dose may have been to high as well.\n\nMy psych took me off it and only gives me dexedrine spansules which are better and does give me an adderall 10 mg instant release once a day compared to the old 30 XR adderalls i took, less side effects and feeling more normal i guess. On Effexor XR 75 instead of lexapro 10mg which woke up my brain and prevented lexapro withdrawals more for sure and helped my sex drive, but i hear effexor xr 75 mg withdrawals are so bad it makes me want to quit it asap out of this fear. I'm also on wellbutrin xl 300 mg which I originally took to restore libido from what lexapro did to it.\n\nShe prescribed an adjunct off-label new med called rexulti for major depression too which helps according to my family but way too many meds right now. Yes, I'm waiting on bar exam results for a 4th time and got dumped by my ex gf of 4 years and was suicidially depressed but i'm doing better now after seeing psych. Where is the interaction causing anxiety here, what antidepressant should go and it for sure is the SSRI and SNRI that causes the significant change in my brain (oddly improves my sex drive either by curing major depression, or helps sober me up and think clearly).\n\nIs it all a trade-off? could just be a bad time in my life thank you", "answer": " Know you're asking for medication advice which I am not qualified to give; however, as a therapist I just wanted to ask what your therapy regimen looks like. If you are just relying on meds to get better it might not ever happen. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "72h5st", "comment_id": "dnihkxl"}, {"question": "Replacing Booze with Crappy Food", "description": "Just wondering if anyone else struggled with junk food after getting sober. Been sober over 8 months but I feel like I\u2019ve developed and worsened an addiction to crappy food. It\u2019s gotten real bad and is impacting my health both physically and emotionally. \n\nI\u2019m grateful to be sober but I\u2019m not taking care of myself and was wondering if anyone else struggles with their health, replacing booze with pizza sugar and fast food. Could really use that support.", "answer": "A bit poppy, but helps explain why the brain seeks other sources for dopamine when we remove alcohol. It's an addiction transfer, yes but one that's less destructive and not as multi faceted. \n\nhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-antidepressant-diet/201408/might-candy-now-be-the-answer-alcohol-dependence?amp", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dz2bmn", "comment_id": "f84vrkr"}, {"question": "Wait a minute does weed cause depression?", "description": "Got any sources to prove this?\n\n\nIve been toking for almost 15 yrs. Never daily, but these days im at my highest, a couple times a week. \n\n\nAlso battled depression for a long long time. \n\n\nWhats the link. Because i take days off i figure it is not such a big deal. But\n\n\n", "answer": "Weed doesn't typically cause long term mental health issues. What happens is after smoking weed for so long you start to lose the boundaries of mental health and sobriety and sort of forget what's normal sober and what's normal high", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3y2ds2", "comment_id": "cy9z7zx"}, {"question": "ADHD, Tourettes, and OCD?", "description": "Anyone else here struggle with symptoms of all 3? My therapist said they're like a pyramid and all connected. I had many facial and vocal tics as a child, fortunately most of them went away with medication. I never looked in to any of the struggles i had growing up. Extremely poor executive function, failure to do my work in time and procrastinating, anger when rules weren't followed in a game, periods of increased irritability (irrational). Intrusive thoughts. Inability to focus in class. The list goes on. (All of these still affecting me). I am worried I'll lose my job as a software engineer because my weekly update has had nothing on it or is a repeated update from previous weeks. I seeked a therapist who said I have all three: ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes. I started on low dose Adderall, and am building up on Lamotrigine. Does anyone else have all 3? I get really frustrated because it seems so many have some sort of combination but I want to relate experiences with someone with all 3. Im 23 years old and am just overwhelmed getting the news that all the struggles I had growing up were not actually normal.", "answer": "I don\u2019t have Tourette\u2019s but I do have OCD and ADHD. My therapist has talked about how the symptoms tend to compound on top of each other and also impact the same areas of the brain.\n\nI have Pure O OCD so it tends to interact quite a bit with my ADHD. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7c1aar", "comment_id": "dpnbii2"}, {"question": "Is my therapist afraid of my depression?", "description": "Hi guys! My therapist (an expert in panic disorders) says he's reluctant to get started on the \"hard stuff\" in therapy because he's worried I'll become suicidal. I have a history of PTSD and depression/anxiety, but for the last month or so it's been much better and I'm feeling ready to get to work! It almost seems like he is afraid of my depression, or maybe is he out of his depth? Should I look for a new therapist? What do you think?? \n\nThanks so much!", "answer": "How long have you been in therapy with him? If it's not long, I'd say give it some time or at the very least, ask him what work the two of you need to do in order to tackle the depression piece and gauge what you think you need to do from there. \n\n\nAs a therapist, I've had countless clients come in and try to just dump out everything they've been holding in way too early (sometimes during the first session). Whenever I can, I try to get them to hold up, and explain to them that while I understand this is all really important to them and we WILL get to it, there are some things we need to do first. \n\n\nI need to make sure that they have a good set of healthy coping skills in order to manage feelings that come up while we're processing this stuff. It's not uncommon to initially feel worse immediately after leaving a therapy session, especially when you've gotten in to some deep stuff. It's important for me to know that the client will be able to cope with these feelings. Next, it's important that we actually have a relationship, that they see me as a person, and more importantly, see me as a person they can trust based off of more than just the fact that I'm a therapist. \n\n\nIf you've only been in therapy with him for a month or so, I'd say give it some more time, but like I said, ask him when and how he'll be ready to address this and under what circumstances. He owes it to you to be honest. Whatever his answer is, you can use that to decide if you want to find a new therapist. Keep in mind, what your impulses tell you that you want are not always in line with what you need or what would be best for you. In the end, trust whatever decision you make, but only after giving it careful consideration.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bgk22g", "comment_id": "ellfki2"}, {"question": "Anyone with PCOS have oily hair scalp?", "description": "Tried all the drugstore shampoos. Literally almost every one of them. Tried too many shampoos until my hair is dry and lifeless. Today I shampoo my hair and in the second day of my hair wash, my hair scalp gets itchy and buildup of oil and dirt. Can someone recommend some good shampoos that wont break the bank but also helps the scalp less oily?", "answer": "I just use dry shampoo on second day hair and there is no third day hair without a hat or something. LPT, 3 parts baby powder to 1 part baking soda is a decent dry shampoo. I keep some with all my hair products in the bathroom in a jar with an old fluffy make up brush in it. I give it a little swirl, tap off the excess and apply to my scalp. I do a really thorough scalp massage to distribute is well and it also builds a ton on volume. Also, yes I know it's ghetto, and the cans objectively do a better job but with the amount I use this makes sense.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "c3tu5b", "comment_id": "eru8eod"}, {"question": "Why do I always get shy around cute girls?", "description": "Every time I\u2019m with a cute girl, idk what happens, I just get shy and choke up and end up not saying anything, one example is the other day I was on a raft with my family, she was with hers, we all got put on the same boat and I sat right next to her but just couldn\u2019t gain the courage to say something, does anyone know how I overcome this shyness?!?!?", "answer": "Practice, practice, practice. Most folks are initially extremely uncomfortable around attractive members of the sex/gender they prefer. Everyone has some level of fear of rejection. \n\n\nYou just have to force yourself to push through the anxiety and talk whenever the opportunity arises. It will feel like hell, you may embarrass yourself a bit, but if you do it, you'll get better. If you don't force yourself to push through the anxiety, it will just get worse over time. \n\n\nI used to have pretty severe social anxiety, especially around crushes. Trying to repeat the statement to myself \n\n\"Doing something and embarrassing yourself is much better than doing nothing at all.\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8wln9r", "comment_id": "e1wfx5q"}, {"question": "Is it possible to catch any disease from the toilet", "description": "Day if someone didn't flush either their number 1 or 2 and it happens to splash up the hole. \n\nAlso if the penis happens to touch the rim or toilet seat where someone is infected with anything, STD, HIV, anything. ", "answer": "Conceivably yes, but you're probably more likely to catch an infection from a doorknob, then touching your mouth or eyes or nose or food. The world is full of viruses and bacteria, and skin is very rarely the way diseases get in.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8m1w3t", "comment_id": "dzkqpxv"}, {"question": "Hello! Skin care question :)", "description": "Hello all, I have just discovered this sub and reading through a few posts is making me so reassured , and yet dressed. It's so good to hear about other people's experiences, and for me to realise that I'm not unique. It's also terrifying in the scope. \n\nMy question is; since going off BC my skin is awful. I was only ever on the pill for my skin in the first place. \n\nI get spots on my chin and jawbone, and my shoulders and back. \n\nWhat recommendations do y'all have to help a 30 year old woman out who is feeling embarrassed \ud83d\ude29. ", "answer": "I use Acne Free, the three step one. I have to use it every morning and every night or things start getting out of whack. It's like $20 and widely available. \n\nI've tried tons of other things, proactive, stridex pads, the prescription acne topical meds, etc. This one works best for me. \n\nRemember that moisturizers are not the enemy. Part of getting extra oily is reactive to stripping all the oil from the skin. It feels dry from an intense cleanser and goes, \"oh no, we're too dry, make oil to fix the issue!\" Finding the right moisturizer for your skin is super important. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "67a7ku", "comment_id": "dgqfl4c"}, {"question": "Am I not worthy to be mexican?", "description": "My mom was in a bad mood and she took her anger out on me and my sister while eating. After that I was helping her and then I forgot the word in spanish and I tried to think quickly until my mom lash out on me, which she did. I knew what she going to say, and I knew it hurt so much hearing her say that to me. Then she says something that I never thought she say, \"What's the point of you going to Mexico, you know what, dont go! It's better for you not to go!\" That actually hurt a lot. My relatives lived in Mexico, and it actually hurt to think about that. I'm trying to improve my language so much but nothing really improve.\n My mom's right.\nI'm the only person in the family failing, failing to speak spanish. I'm just a disappointment! A disgrace!! Why am I born to be a mexican. It's better if I never existed.", "answer": "While your self worth being dependent on this aspect of yourself is something that I would speak to a counselor regarding, thankfully Spanish is pretty easy to learn if that\u2019s something you\u2019re interested. You do not need to learn Spanish to be a worthwhile human being. Not everyone with Latinx heritage needs to speak Spanish, just like not everyone with Irish background needs to speak Gaelic. \n\nThere are resources out there to help you learn the language if you decide that it\u2019s important to you, but despite the messages your family may be sending your value as a person is not dependent on your language of choice. There are good people who only speak French, good people who speak six languages, even good people who speak languages that are dying out.\n\nCommunication is important for human relationships and interaction, but there\u2019s so many different ways to communicate. The way you choose to is your choice alone. I hope you find the way that works for you and your family", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "ffq5c8", "comment_id": "fk0kks8"}, {"question": "Any other mental health providers on here? It\u2019s cliche, but my depression and chronic pain are making life incredibly difficult.", "description": "I am a 25 M, currently a a licensed counselor specializing in addiction treatment. Currently in a doctoral program and have been grateful for having a supportive family. \n\nI also have a ltr and it has been going very well. I am becoming increasingly apathetic, anxious and depressed. I am experiencing some psychotic symptoms as well and am worried about how to fix this. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist on a weekly/monthly basis. As a mental health provider I have the knowledge to understand the reasoning for my behaviors but this is only making it worse. \n\nI feel completely incompetent and that moment and that I am in someway self sabotaging. Not on a conscious level but I must at subconscious thinking be unhappy. I cannot logically explain my behavior. Perhaps the depression has just gotten so bad. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel. I\u2019m also a clinician and my depression has been causing me a lot of stress too. Could it be burnout or over working maybe?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "akfo0a", "comment_id": "ef4fvnf"}, {"question": "Why would the doctor request that my parents come to a routine appointment with me?", "description": "Hi,\n\nI'm 25 years old, male and am 5ft 5\" / 165cm, weigh in at 112lbs / 50kg / 8 stone, white and from the UK.\n\nI suffer with a fair bit of anxiety, I feel nauseous quite a lot and get a bit amount of acid reflux and that's pretty much all that is wrong with me. My blood tests & urine tests come back fine.\n\nMy parents mentioned the fact I feel nauseous quite a lot to the doctor during one of their appointments and he suggested that they accompany me to one of my doctors appointment in the future, it's not like I have an appointment scheduled with the doctor and this was well over 3+ weeks ago.\n\nWhy would the doctor want my parents to attend an appointment at some point in time. If it was anything serious they would have scheduled an appointment with me?\n\nAny suggestions / advice / thoughts would be welcome.", "answer": "Im a UK doc. Its probably just for collateral history and to get a good feel for your difficulties. You're still the patient though, and you dont have to abide by the advice.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75r2st", "comment_id": "do9curr"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F/22) keeps complaining about how skinny her friend has gotten, I (M/22) don't know what to say to her", "description": "My girlfriend has started saying to he how small her friend has gotten since she started dieting and working out. I have recommended if she is unhappy with her body she should join me on my diet and come to the gym with me, but she refused saying she is embarrassed to go to the gym. What should I do or say to her? It's becoming annoying hearing her complain about her friend getting skinnier.", "answer": "the friend should see a doc to rule out anorexia", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vz3cb", "comment_id": "de61r09"}, {"question": "Falling \"out of love\" with friends?", "description": "So from all you awesome people, i have learned it is a fairly common problem that ADHD people will get SUPER excited about a new romantic interest and quickly fall in love with them but then just as quickly fall out of love. I thankfully dont have that particular problem. But every once in a while, I make a platonic friend and I think they are the COOLEST thing ever. And then after some time, i realize I REALLY dont like them and dont want anything to do with them. Does this happen to anyone else? I feel bad for being so mercurial and confusing that person. It doesnt happen that often but when it does, i feel really bad for running hot then cold like that.\n\n", "answer": "It has happened to me many times. I found that I loved the \"future-potential\" of the friendship instead of the \"whats right in front of me\" relationship. Eventually expectations met reality which was blander. Friendships are an ever changing process. I find putting the consistent work into a friendship the most difficult ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7j6ei4", "comment_id": "dr41i5q"}, {"question": "Can anyone help diagnose my mother? (Mental health)", "description": "My mom and I have had a strained relationship for years. I\u2019m 22, and she\u2019s in her 50s. I know something is up because for as long as I can remember she\u2019s been different, difficult, and toxic. I want to know if this is deeper rooted in a mental illness (bipolar,depression) or if she\u2019s just toxic. Let me explain...\n\nMy mom was fine until I was about 12, when she separated from my dad. After that, she would do things such as the following:\n\n- tell me that my dad was a horrible person and even go as far as telling me his new girlfriends had stds, that they were skanks on welfare, that he would put their kids first and forget about me, etc. I was 12-16 at the time of this happening. It\u2019s also important to know my dad (and his partners) are wonderful.\n\n- I have a great paying job and I make very good money, however she always makes little side comments about how I\u2019m not aloud to complain about it because I make so much, or when I get birthday money from a family member she will say \u201cwow that\u2019s a lot of money\u201d and then mumble stuff like \u201cwhere\u2019s mine\u201d \u201coh of course I don\u2019t get any\u201d. She works a minimum wage job, but I pay for mostly everything of mine.\n\n- she talks to herself a lot, for as long as I can remember she talks to herself, almost always negatively. It\u2019s like she\u2019s telling someone else off but it\u2019s just to herself and recently it\u2019s gotten very loud. I\u2019ve confronted her about it and she always dodges it.\n\n- she has a lot of hatred towards her mother and siblings, claiming she was forgotten about when she was little. She hates my grandmother, and starts a fight whenever we visit claiming she\u2019s judging her or treats her like shit.\n\n- at family events she\u2019ll isolate herself and make unpleased faces or raise her eyebrows as if she\u2019s thinking negatively. Hard to explain but sort of like talking to herself without voicing it\n\n- she can snap at any moment, get very angry and scream at me if I say the wrong thing, and then be completely fine a few minutes later. She\u2019s never apologized to me, ever, for getting angry at me for no reason.\n\n- she calls herself dumb a lot, but I think it\u2019s out of rage to make me feel guilty. Not sure if she actually thinks that\n\n- when I ask her a question she either doesn\u2019t respond or takes 10-15 seconds to answer\n\n- when I accomplish something she either finds something negative about it or doesn\u2019t give me the praise I should be getting (ie. I just got the opportunity to sing in front of a huge audience, she congratulated me but then got angry at me because I\u2019m not taking her as my plus one. Now she won\u2019t come to support me even though I told her it means a lot) \n\n- if she look upset I\u2019ll ask her what\u2019s wrong and she\u2019ll get upset at me for asking, saying that I\u2019m always trying to make her feel bad or like a horrible person\n\n- the weirdest thing is that when we get in a fight and then she sees me texting after she says \u201coh so what, you\u2019re going to tell the whole family I\u2019m a bad person now? They must love that\u201d...but I\u2019ve never done that ever. I\u2019m Constantly asked to conceal my feelings towards her, to act like nothing is wrong to family, and to constantly defend her when my family tells me she is difficult\n\nI\u2019m sure there\u2019s more I\u2019m not thinking of, she\u2019s told me before she knows we have a strained relationship. I\u2019ve never done anything horrible to her. Even my boyfriend had witnessed her treat me like this and has said it\u2019s disgusting. I want to know if this sounds like a mental illness. If you have questions feel free to ask. Please help!", "answer": "Wrong sub. This is for medical doctors, maybe you should check one of the psych. subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7q4bw4", "comment_id": "dsmpd80"}, {"question": "Is this a normal taper schedule for Zoloft?", "description": "Age 24\nSex F\nHeight 5\u2019\nWeight 100lb\nRace White\nDuration of complaint N/A\nLocation (Geographic and on body) New England, USA\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) Anxiety\nCurrent medications (if any) Zoloft (see below)\n\nAfter careful consideration and discussion with my doctor I have decided to taper off of Zoloft. I have been on 100 mg daily since I was 14. I tapered from 100 to 75 and 75 to 25 by just switching from one dose to the next and then waiting about a month before taking the next step down. I had no discontinuation symptoms whatsoever during this stage. For the jump from 25 to 0 by doctor gave me a somewhat convoluted schedule where she wants me to take it every other day for two weeks then every three days for a week and then for some reason wait two days and then take one last pill. \n\nI\u2019ve done quite a bit of research online and spoken to people I know who have tapered off of SSRIs and I haven\u2019t seen any evidence for a tapering schedule like this. It feels to me like I\u2019m just messing my brain up by taking the medicine away and reintroducing it and then taking it away again over and over again. A week in and I\u2019m starting to have discontinuation symptoms- dizziness, brain zaps, and headaches. \n\nAnyways, my question is does anyone know if there is actually reason behind tapering this way? Is there proper research and evidence for this? Should I get a second opinion?", "answer": "There isn't much in the way of good data for SSRI tapers, period. Zoloft isn't entirely out of your system after one or two days, so there's some reasoning behind taking it on alternate days, but why not take 12.5 mg instead? If you really want a slower taper, you could use the liquid form and decrease by as little as you want at any interval.\n\nYou could get a second opinion and find someone who would encourage doing it differently, but again, there's not a lot of strong evidence. You'd find people to say that it's best to do it slower. You'd also find doctors who would (wrongly, in my opinion) say that it should just be a few days and done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl4w43", "comment_id": "emm06r2"}, {"question": "Does ADHD cause indecision?", "description": "I was diagnosed when I was 14 but never medicated. (Parents against psych meds.)\n\nI can't decide what I want to do when I grow up. I'm not talking about a normal level of hesitation. I feel like I hesitate for the sake of hesitation. \n\nWhenever I feel like making up my mind, some strange force in my mind brings me back to hesitation. \n\nIt's been like this for more than 5 years since I was 15. I am still undecided on major in college because of this. I need to declare my major soon.\n\n1. Is this an ADHD symptom?\n\n2. If yes, does medication get rid of indecision?", "answer": "Absolutely. Think about it this way: one aspect of ADHD is that it messes with the reward pathways in the brain. It prioritizes immediate and novel stimulation, and struggles with long-term, delayed gratification. The flip side of this is that people with ADHD tend to really struggle with tolerating discomfort and uncertainty, which leads to a lot of avoidance and distraction. \"Writing this paper is stressful. I'll refresh Reddit instead!\" \n\nMaking an important decision, especially one as significant as your career path, is *very* stressful. What is a surefire strategy to reduce this stress **right now**? To not choose anything. Even if the outcome is worse in the long-term, not deciding provides an immediate sense of relief that can be very compelling. Forcing your mind to contemplate something this stressful can be very hard, especially if your brain is doing its best to \n\nTo answer question #2: medication will not suddenly make you know what your major should be in college, unfortunately. It might, however, give you more control over wrangling your thoughts. It will then be up to you to think through your decision, sit with the fear and uncertainty, and make a choice (even if it's imperfect). Therapy and mindfulness meditation is also really useful for this part! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6yntbo", "comment_id": "dmowkja"}, {"question": "Desperate advice on Distance and Drinking", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and to the point. \n\nJust seeing eachother. Dating. Not official. We live an hour apart. I am an insecure person (I know that should be fixed before being in a relationship.) The girl [27] likes to drink. I[27] don't like alcohol much. She drinks with guys, girls or alone three four times a week. I'm pretty anti social don't like hanging in groups. Especially when everyones gonna be intoxicated. I'm not going to tell her for things to work she has to change and can't hang with a guy friend in hot tubs getting drunk (which she did a couple days after we started talking) Also with me being anti social due to severe anxiety I fear her friends will often want us to go out and drink which my anxiety can't handle and will feel like a dick panicking begging to not have to go out. Does it seem destined to fail or something that can be okay with a bit of communication and work. \nAny advice or suggestions please? \nEdit - the reason I say desperate is because this would be the first relationship I will be in since moving to this new city. This girl is really great and very impressive. Great job, funny, well spoken. And more than any girl I've dated we have the most alike tastes in music and movies. There's so much potential but I'm worried about the jealousy and the opposite approaches to alcohol. which makes this not an easy decision.", "answer": "it's unlikely for a partying drinker and an introvert to forge something lasting.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw03x", "comment_id": "dhhvt9j"}, {"question": "Can the ER lie to you?", "description": "39M/175lb/5' 10\"/no medications/nonsmoker/no prev. cond.: no\n\nI went to the ER with COVID-19 symptoms on day 4. (Fever, shortness of breath, tightness in chest, coughing fits, lightheadedness, chills and sweats at night, high heart-rate) My state is low on tests. The nurses and doctors cleared all doubt of flu, pneumonia and the other usual suspects with my vitals, physical exam (stethoscope, etc), chest x-ray, and lots of bloodwork. They were still resistant to giving me a test. I made my case and the Doctor said \"If you feel strongly...\" I said I did, and she replied, \"OK, then\" and left. A little later, the nurse came back with a swab and in theory did the test. They said that I would only get a call for results, however, if I was positive. Further, my discharge papers have nothing about a corona virus test being performed or awaiting results. They also said it would take up to seven days to get any results, but prior to my visit, when I asked the ER on the phone how long it takes, they said 3-4 days. I'm thinking they were gaslighting me to get me out of the ER without a fight.\n\nCan the ER tell you they are doing a test, even pretend they're taking the sample, and then not have it done? Is that legal? Like a placebo procedure or something?\n\nWritten from home isolation.", "answer": "Discharge papers are imperfect, particularly when they're auto-generated and no one has likely updated to include coronavirus testing.\n\nCalling only for positive results is standard from the ED; the volume is such that they cannot call with all negative results.\n\nThis all sounds like normal procedure to me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fnjece", "comment_id": "fla77xr"}, {"question": "Occupational vs Physical Therapy", "description": " I am female, 36, overweight, have multiple sclerosis, migraines, and a month ago I had surgery to remove a ganglion cyst from my left hand. Before surgery I played volleyball 3 times a week amd crocheted, though the crochet slowed down and really hurt because of the cyst, and here I am almost a month later and I feel like my wrist is fused because I can barely bend it... It's half because the skin is too tight and half because there's pain inside. I can't move my index finger with feeling like I'm ripping an internal zip tie open and tearing open my wound because th skin is that tight and you can watch it pull when I move. \n\nMy doctor has put in a referral for occupational therapy but the description I read when comparing occupational vs physical therapy makes me feel an occupational therapist will to help me accept this new state my hand is in now and I am to learn how to live with it. Whereas a physical therapist would be helping to move past it. And I sure as hell do NOT want to accept this! I had surgery to fix a problem not create a bigger one! It's killing me! \n\nAny advice? ", "answer": "I'm not in PMNR \\(physical medicine and rehabilitation\\), much less PT/OT. But here's my sense from a remove:\n\nPhysical therapy focuses on recovering or improving physical function. Occupational therapy focuses on recovering or improving practical ability to do activities. There's significant overlap but slightly different approaches. A physical therapist might work on hand exercises to improve hand function. An occupational therapist could also work on hand exercises, but more specifically geared towards the activities you want to be able to do. OT is more likely to incorporate assistive devices when appropriate, but they're not always appropriate.\n\nI don't know whether PT or OT is the better choice for you, but I do think that discussing it with your doctor or OT right from the start is likely to be fruitful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g8vhy", "comment_id": "dy9q8or"}, {"question": "Future mother in law driving me crazy.", "description": "So his mom is super sweet, but she goes on and on and on about everything. A very big explainer and will talk about stuff to explain something 16 different times before she moves on. And I don\u2019t know how to tell her I know what she means the first time without being rude. Also she has the worse country accent I\u2019ve ever heard so with her talking so much, it drives me insane being around her more than a couple of hours. I try not to let it bother me as much but she wears me down so much. What are some ways, I can make sure she doesn\u2019t drive me crazy? ", "answer": "Kill her with kindness and endure with patience. Only long-term option.\n\nJust repeat to yourself: \u201cI\u2019m glad I\u2019m marrying her son.\u201d", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9xzsds", "comment_id": "e9wrex9"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "The easiest and simplest answer is, No. Weed or any illegal drug use does not warrant breaking confidentiality. \n\nIt's a little more complicated because there could possibly be some situations in which use of THC may warrant breaking confidentiality but this would be in threats or risk of harm to self or other. Which I would say is extremely unlikely either weed. \n\nWhile the laws vary by state, yes, discuss it with your therapist! Some states even have drug use specifically protected so therapists cannot tell adult parents of a child's use without the child's consent. \n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ebyndbj"}, {"question": "7F Behavior Changes After Discontinuing Valproic Acid for Epilepsy", "description": "My daughter is currently 7yrs old, epileptic (\"generalized\", idiopathic), ADD/ADHD, PDD, 15q26.1 microdeletion (not inherited). She's still illiterate, has issues getting to the bathroom (has a lot of \"accidents\") and lacks some finesse in her fine & gross motor skills. She's also slightly bow-legged.\n\nShe's been seizure-free for over two years. When seizures initially presented, she was prescribed Topamax but it made her so dizzy she was unable to walk straight. She switched to a very low dose of valproic acid (maxed at 4mL 2/day).\n\nNo other regular meds.\n\nAbout six months ago, her neurologist felt safe in discontinuing her valproic acid. Even though it was what the doc considered an extremely low dose, we noticed a huge change in our daughter's behavior. She just seems more \"present\" and aware of her surroundings. A few times she's had mood swings (sadness and crying) seemingly out of nowhere but all other aspects have been positive. Her PDD-related delays notwithstanding, she's made major strides in language, communication, following directions, etc; it's as if she previously wasn't aware of what was going on around her.\n\nWhen she was 2-3yrs old, we always marveled at what a happy-go-lucky child she was, never crying or throwing tantrums. Without the medication, she seems like she's much more like what we expected from that history.\n\nSo, what gives? Valproic acid is also used for bi-polar so I can only assume there may have been a mood stabilizing effect of some sort but is there any explanation for the other communication-/social-related behavioral changes?", "answer": "Valproic acid can be seen as applying the break to all neurons (with the goal of preventing too much activity, although I must admit the exact mechanisms aren't fully understood). This is a rather course approach that will always have effects on many parts of functioning.\n\nMy hypothesis in this case would be that your doughter had her senses dulled (perhaps slightly) and this dullness has lifted after discontinuing the drugs.\n\nI think it's good that you are trying to understand. Being a parent of a child with a less common set of challenges often requires the parents to be very active when finding the right care in my experience.\n\nEdit: by saying it's a course approach, I don't mean to imply the decisions was taken lightly or wrongly, just that the medication doesn't specifically target the cause. Unfortunately it's often not possible to treat the specific cause.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9xlg9", "comment_id": "fiuvuau"}, {"question": "Not feeling real.", "description": "Does anyone have any tips I\u2019ve been dealing with depression and anxiety and some times I get so out of I don\u2019t feel real and it\u2019s a really scary feeling it feels like if your trapped behind your own eyes and just trapped in your head. I\u2019m going to therapy soon but I just need some tips to deal with it meanwhile.", "answer": "It's difficult to narrow down specific tips/suggestions/coping skills for the management of depression and anxiety, as they are quite broad. Plus, these conditions often present differently among people. You can try to see if progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, meditation, etc. may be a good fit for you. The subject of your post, \"Not feeling real,\" kinda makes me wonder if there is a history of trauma. If, or if not, google around for grounding techniques. They may be helpful to you as well. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I hope they may be of some use to you.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "e3186f", "comment_id": "f916v26"}, {"question": "Can I tell my therapist what mental illness I think I have if I think the diagnosis is wrong?", "description": "I feel really weird about asking reddit this but I\u2019m so tired of not having answers. \n\nI\u2019m a 19F almost 20. I was abused physically and emotionally throughout my whole life by my mom. My dad supported her abuse but did not abuse me himself, at least not consistently. He recently just divorced her because he had an affair, again, and now has a kid with the woman. He\u2019s a lot happier so that\u2019s not exactly where I\u2019m struggling. I\u2019ve been in and out of therapy for the past couple years, been trying different medications, and so on. But it just feels like nothing is helping and I wonder if it\u2019s because of a wrong diagnosis. I\u2019m diagnosed with GAD and MDD with ruleout PTSD. So I\u2019ve never actually been diagnosed with PTSD and I don\u2019t want to tell a therapist, I think I have it because I\u2019m not a medical professional and I just feel that it\u2019s weird. But, I really think PTSD-specific therapy, like EMDR, would help. Secondly, in high school while in therapy, my therapist told me if I kept going down the path I was going she\u2019ll have to diagnose me with BPD. That has been on my mind since. The more I study BPD the more I feel like I have it. But, I also don\u2019t know how to get help for it if I\u2019m not diagnosed. Basically, is it immature or irrational to tell a therapist what I think my diagnosis is?", "answer": "I find it way more helpful when the patient focuses on their symptoms rather than the diagnosis. I do lots of diagnosis, and sometimes it DOES matter . However, if you are suffering, THAT is what matters.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpbnma", "comment_id": "frl1aa3"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "de1hka0"}, {"question": "Things We Have in Common", "description": "I'm seeing a new therapist who actually sees a lot of people with this phobia apparently, I'm also in a weekly group where we meet and have beverages and cookies and tall about coping, its been a joy but as I've been going down this road I've found that a lot of us having these things in common:\n\nIBS (or a form of it) \nGeneralized Anxiety Disorder \nAcid Reflux (or GERD) \nFear of Choking \n\nThere are lots of other similarities, but almost everyone in my group (10 out of 12) have ALL of these things, myself included. I wonder how much is caused by this and how much is a precursor to this. Does anyone else have something you have found that you share with a lot of other folks like us? I'd be interested in hearing it.", "answer": "Anxiety can really fuck over your digestive system, so in my opinion, it makes sense that the emetophobia leads to IBS and acid reflux rather than the other way around. I know that my acid reflux really started up when my phobia got worse. Phobias are also common to \"spread\" into generalized anxiety disorder; as the feared stimuli/situations expand, the anxiety becomes pervasive!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSide note, I was just on r/IBS and saw a post from a fellow emetophobe! We're everywhere.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ebp9xy", "comment_id": "fb9b9ih"}, {"question": "Zoloft/sertraline question", "description": "Hi all, ive been on sertraline for 5 yrs. I'm on 100mg. I need to up my dose, my anxiety has been the worst its ever been. My question is: can I cut a 50mg tablet into quarters? I want to up to 125mg, but every time ive tried the side effects have been too much for me. Could I cut 25mg in half, and take that for a week or to to ease myself up? Or how should I do this? I dont want to get addicted to xanax :( thanks in advance everyone", "answer": "You probably shouldn't be doing this on your own. Talk to your doctor. Sertraline tablets can be cut in half, though, and it also comes in a liquid form if you want extremely fine control over dosing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5wc6", "comment_id": "e0wtnoo"}, {"question": "Need help about a roommate and his puppy...", "description": "Original rent 500 including all utilities. Guy who rents room wanted a dog. I said 600/month total with adult dog, 700/month total with puppy. Guy works all night, and is constantly mandated for OT. Therefore, I'm constantly taking care of puppy for him. Is increase to 700 while a puppy unreasonable?", "answer": "Increase. You are doing a work that they do at boarding places. If it was me I would increase it more but that might cause them to move out haha ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48xh6g", "comment_id": "d0nk6zw"}, {"question": "Needing Others opinions", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for three months M(25) her (24) this is her first serious relationship and anything we do is completely new to her. \n\nI seem to really struggle with the fact that she has an interest in me consistently. I'm the only one typically initiating \"I miss you\" ect, ect. But when I do she responds with her feelings as well. I struggle with the fact that she tells me its because shes never been in a true relationship before that she cant show me how she feels or be affectionate. She used to when we first dated but it died off quick. Anytime I bring it up she says shes trying extremely hard, but I give it weeks and never seen anything out of it. Feeling like this makes me not want to try as hard in the relationship even though she consistently tells me don't assume how she feels and if anything was wrong I would tell you. Am I expecting too much too soon from someone new to relationship life? Besides this, when we hang out things are great 90% of the time and seem to slowly be progressing. \n\nOur conversations outside of hanging out are just so inconsistent and seems to be me putting in most of the effort, it gets tiring after a while and I'm not sure if I should continue the same efforts or try and wait for her to potentially show these on her own. I want her to know how much I like and care for her, but it gets old saying it time and time again. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "sounds like she's not mature enough for a serious rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m8joc", "comment_id": "djzqwst"}, {"question": "is our history together what's keeping us together? me[32/m], her [36/f]", "description": "My partner and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 8. we went to university together, have traveled around the world together, moved to a different country together, and now we live apart for over a year. For a long time I haven't been compassionate the way they wanted. For a long time our sex life hasn't been what I wanted. I moved to a different country last year for work and now we live on different continents. That hasn't helped even though my new job allows me to work remotely some of the time. I made a pros and cons list:\n\npros:\n\n* they can be very understanding\n* we have a lot of friends together\n* we have a history\n* we have similar interests\n* they make more money than me and that really helps\n\ncons:\n\n* they are cold and distant\n* most of our problems seem to be my fault, maybe we aren't compatible\n* the lack of sex even when we are together is killing me and i'm not entirely sure it will ever come back\n* I don't think they love me anymore. they don't say it anymore. they don't really say they miss me anymore.\n\nWe have these wonderful memories together, but also horrible ones. I don't want to lose my partner but I don't know what's left to keep. \n\nI've tried to talk about this with my partner a lot but sometimes I feel like that isn't really productive. Is it me? Do I lack patience?\n\nNow I have the opportunity to move back but I'm afraid that if I do, I will just accelerate the end of what's left and then I will have nothing. I'm afraid that if we separate than they will be hurt so much by it that it will affect their career. \n\nI try to sit and think about what my partner thinks. What its like to be in their shoes in this situation. But it's difficult. I feel like sometimes I don't really know my partner.", "answer": "very hard to work things out long distance. keep talking, processing. maybe even a 3 way skype with a counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdgu", "comment_id": "ddhjuf2"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "If you're in the United States, (this varies very slightly depending on which state you're in)\n\n\nEverything you say in the therapist's office is kept confidential. There are just a few exceptions. If you tell them you are going to hurt/kill yourself or someone else, that confidentiality is broken to see if you need a higher level of care. Any information about a child who is being abused or neglected must be reported. Some of the information you share may be shared with the clinicians supervisor in order to help them better work with you. Other than those things, everything else is kept confidential unless you sign a release stating what information can be shared with which particular person. \n\n\nThat's basically the info I give to every client I work with in the first session. Something important to consider though is that this info pertains to adults only. If you are a minor, therapists are able to share information with parents at their own discretion. Different states have different ages for this though. For instance in PA where I practice, the age of consent for mental health services is 14. That means anyone 14 or older is essentially given all the same rights as an adult.\n\n\nEarlier in my career I've worked with clients who were former gang members and some individuals who would tell me stories that if I broke confidentiality and shared, could very possible lead to very loooooooooong sentences. Since they didn't appear to be currently a danger to themselves or others, and didn't involve children, it wasn't reportable. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ecnt6wf"}, {"question": "I wish my kid was \u201cnormal\u201d", "description": "I have a three year old who is nonverbal. He doesn\u2019t talk at all. We bend over backwards to get him to talk, and have spent thousands of dollars and at least 5 hours a week in speech therapy trying to get him to talk. \n\nOn top of that, he has some autistic behaviours, but we can\u2019t get a diagnosis, because the behaviours aren\u2019t prominent enough, and have \u201ccounter-behaviours\u201d that take him off of the spectrum. So we are constantly fighting with medical professionals to tell us what is going on so we can get the right help. \n\nWe have been at this for a year and a half. I\u2019m exhausted. I\u2019m spent. I have no spoons at the end of the day to enjoy my son and husband. I\u2019m out of energy and patience. \n\nI want my kid to go to bed and stay there. I don\u2019t want to battle him every night to get him to sleep. And to stay asleep. I want to be able to talk to my kid, and him talk back. I want to enjoy interacting with my son without having the correct speech-enabling behaviours on the back of my mind the entire time. \n\nI want a kid that will freaking looking for eggs on Easter rather than get distracted by the way the one he found rolls, and be unable to focus on anything else. \n\nI want a neurotypical kid. And that\u2019s not nice to say, it\u2019s not fun to say, but it\u2019s true. All of his care has been pushed onto me for so long that I am breaking. I am not a person anymore. I am just his caregiver 24/7 when he should be gaining some independence. \n\nI\u2019m so tired. I\u2019m so exhausted. I\u2019m so very fucking done. ", "answer": "Few tips as an Behavior tech working with kids on the spectrum. Im not sure if he would qualify for ABA services without an actual diagnosis. Try to make each day as structured as possible. Set up a routine for every day. Don't give up and stick to your guns. Times might be tough with some tantrums, but don't give in. \n\nAs for word development look in to research on Serve and Return. It should kids learn best when the adult focuses attention on what the child is focused on. Pick toys that they enjoy and apply words to them. If you are able, apply aign language while teaching the word or just talking to them in general... \"want some milk\" *sign milk while asking* etc. \n", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "88y2e1", "comment_id": "dwozuay"}, {"question": "Is it possible to lower blood pressure naturally? Would losing extra weight help?", "description": "Hi. Hope you're well! 24F here. I'm a bit overweight atm, I currently weigh 170 lbs, which is 40 lbs above my normal weight.\nI have anxiety and depression, so I think it could be related.\nAnyway, usually my blood pressure is within the normal values, but I have some relatives with hypertension.\nI was wondering if it's possible to reduce blood pressure naturally, without medication? If it is, how can one do it? \n For example, if I lost the extra weight and went back to normal, could that help lowering my blood pressure?\nThank you so much", "answer": "It depends on the cause of the problem. Losing weight is the most commonly effective way to improve the most common type of high blood pressure. Even losing some weight without getting all the way back to a recommended weight can improve it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "de2dju", "comment_id": "f2qq2c7"}, {"question": "I'm easily angered and it's ruining my life ", "description": "I'm in my mid twenties and I want to ask advice on how to manage my anger. I get angry from the most insignificant things, things which normal people shouldn't be upset about. I almost broke my notebook today because the dvd drive wasn't reading my cd. Sometimes I'm thinking of cutting myself when I'm this angry only to feel releaved. \nEpisodes like this can easily ruin my day and it's very frustraiting. I'm also hurting the people around me, people that truly love me. \n\nIf anyone has any piece of advice, please write a comment below. I don't want to live like this anymore. ", "answer": "You should go to a therapist or psychiatrist who you can talk to about your symptoms, family history, etc, so you can get a solid response & the help you need. Based on the little bit you've shared, it doesn't sound like info from reddit is gonna cut it.\n\n(I'm a therapist - find the right one & it can really make a big difference in your life).", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "u6hz6", "comment_id": "c4srddm"}, {"question": "It's me again, the chick with C Diff. Still.", "description": "My info hasn't changed but here it is again:\n\n31, woman, Oregon. Have had C Diff since March this year. Currently taking sertraline, amitriptyline, propranolol, promethazine and zofran.\n\nMy previous post(s):\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/8qg8tg/more_problems_with_my_adventures_with_c_diff?sort=confidence\n\nJust an update for those who were concerned or helped me with advice previously. \n\nAfter that last post, I was sent to the ED by the Infectious Diseases doc because she thought I had appendicitis. After eight hours there, they said my tests looked great and no signs of appendicitis. \n\nThe I.D. doc told me she can no longer help me because, in her words, \"we followed textbook procedure and the only way you'd still have the infection is if you were the unluckiest person in the state.\" She referred me back to my PCP.\n\nMy PCP this morning ordered me a same day stool test to check for a current C Diff infection. They just called and told me I am positive, and my doctor is \"very surprised.\" She is referring me back to I.D.. \n\nI've taken every antibiotic for this including Vancomycin, Flagyl which I'm horribly allergic to, and most recently Dificid. If anyone has any guesses as to what they'll do next, I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thank you all for your hard work, and then for taking the time out of your insane schedules to help strangers on the internet. Seriously, thank you all.", "answer": "As someone said in response to your last post, it may be time to look into fecal transplant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8t4xg5", "comment_id": "e14r972"}, {"question": "I don't know what I have to live for.", "description": "So I spiralled out of control during COVID and failed all that I've set out to do. If you check my post history, you'd see that I originally wanted to do a daily journal, well, that went nowhere. \n\nI lost my job during COVID and my dad dragged me to his company. Today, a particularly bad day, I couldn't bring myself o do anything and sat aimlessly with a blank look on my face at his secretary's desk. Which resulted in one of those emotional moments where he tells me that he will care for me all he can while he's alive but I have got to find something I'm passionate about. He doesn't expect me to earn big money, but at least enough to live on, and don't expect help from even the closest relatives. He doesn't have many years left. \n\nHe means well I'm sure. But the morbidity and realism of the topic at hand further worsened my mental state. At some point I was, or rather am thinking that I'd just end my life the moment both of my parents are dead. I mean, what else is there to live for? \n\nI feel like a huge disappoinment to them, to everyone, and most of all to myself. I've racked my brains and I don't know if I can honestly say there's something I would enjoy doing all day. I don't remember the last time I found something enjoyable that brought me anything more than a fleeting joy. \n\nI thought I'd feel better typing this out, sharing this, but I don't. I still feel the same. \n\nHelp.", "answer": "Some advice: start anywhere, with anything. Keep experimenting and keep an open mind. Generate some curiousity about the different kinds of lives people lead, ask questions, read books, search online, whatever. Also investigate hobbies of all sorts and try out anything you can that even remotely interests you. \n\nIf you truly don't enjoy anything, you have depression or some other mood disorder, which you will have to identify the cause of and treatment for, ideally with professional help. \n\nYou might also look into self-compassion. There is really no need or use in beating yourself up because you haven't been journaling during a pandemic. We're all doing the best we can and sometimes our best kinda sucks. That's ok. Start journaling now if it's important to you. It might help you get some clarity about the changes you might make.", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "gs1vta", "comment_id": "fs2jsg2"}, {"question": "Terrible therapy session was a big eye-opener", "description": "I've always been an advocate of therapy. If any of my friends or family were going through persistent hard times or sadness, I would recommend talking to a professional. I've only ever had good experiences, and I really thought it couldn't hurt. \n\nMy stance on this has changed recently. I'm in the process of looking for a new therapist, and in my area it's hard to find one available after my work hours. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I was looking for a person I could speak to in order to gain a more positive perspective - to not feel like I'm doomed for failure, to be more okay with not knowing or having control over everything, to be able to trust in myself and my abilities, and in my friends and loved ones, and to make the kind of changes I feel are long overdue... the strength to make that leap of faith and believe that things will work out in the end. \n\nMaybe not quite that positive, but I wanted to not be crippled with panic over something I feel anxious about.\n\nDuring my evaluation, the person went through the plan I planned on carrying out in the near future, step by step, and went through all the negative, worst-case-scenario what-ifs. The person questioned every decision I planned. The person questioned a lot of decisions I made in the past, and also the way I live my life right now. \n\nAll of these negative things are things I've thought about before, being that I am someone who struggles with anxiety and depression. What this person said made sense, but it added another negative voice in my head - one that's supposed to be unbiased and honest and offer me a grounding perspective.\n\nAll of this took place in the span of 50 minutes. \n\nOf course, there was more to the session than this. I'm sure whatever method was being used on me, might work for someone else, but it definitely didn't in my case. I thanked the person, and left the building, and had a panic attack (it's been some months since my last one). \n\nI just wanted to share my recent experience, as I noticed a lot of posters here wonder if they should see someone, or many commenters suggest therapy. I still would definitely recommend seeking professional help as an option for anyone who feels they might need it or even if they just want someone to talk to. But I also think it's worth mentioning that finding a good fit with a therapist is not easy. \n\nTLDR: Therapist employed tough-love (maybe?) and cut the anxious and depressed patient down by being a negative sound-board, and never brought the patient back up again. Patient proceeded to become a panic-induced puddle of tears, and self medicated with taco bell.", "answer": "That's terrible to hear that that happened to you. I hope you can find someone else to work with that you get along better with. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4h0wxd", "comment_id": "d2mqbhu"}, {"question": "How should I cope with depression while in a committed relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m in a year long relationship, and I\u2019ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. When my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that I need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. At one point, my partner told me I was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. My former therapist believed that I was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. If I was single, then she believed I needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. My partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn\u2019t ask to be involved. I don\u2019t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. On the few times I have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn\u2019t in the mood.\n\nYears before I leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. Everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and I took it as a lesson that I shouldn\u2019t depend on other people to help me through depression or they\u2019ll leave or I\u2019ll end up even worse. I accepted my current partner\u2019s advice because it\u2019s still helpful advice to follow if I was single, but my former therapist stressed that I shouldn\u2019t have to carry all the weight by myself.\n \nIs it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?", "answer": "Disclaimer: I can only go off what you have written at face value, and I have never met you or your partner. \n\nThere are a few things going on here .\n\n1. From what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. \n\n2.Unfortunately, there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. The majority of info says \"get them the help they need\" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping. Partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. \n\n3. It is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . You acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness .\n\nSo what is the answer ? I think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. Go at it alone) is unhelpful. A good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . \n\nAn analogy I use a lot is cancer.\n\nIf you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? It would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments, take meds. Your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . Your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness .\n\nObviously, tweak this to fit your needs and personality. If this feels right to you, it may be worth discussing with your partner.\n\nYout partner may also benefit from his own therapy. Loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. He may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f7wlgg", "comment_id": "fika5eo"}, {"question": "Sharp pain in chest when breathing", "description": "Age: 24\nSex: Male\nHeight 6\u2019\nWeight: 200 lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 36 hours roughly \nLocation (Geographic and on body): Left breast area/lung\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Asthma\nCurrent medications (if any): Montelukast, Azelastine, Symbicort, Abuderol\n\nThis showed up Sunday afternoon/night but I kinda chalked it up to me driving about 6 hours that day. There\u2019s a constant dull pain in my left chest area. But I can\u2019t take a deep breath now. If I do, I get a sharp pain in my chest. My left arm was also kinda sore and \u201cfavored\u201d certain positions. \n\nI considered this might be asthma related but now I\u2019m not so sure. \n", "answer": "Given the fact that you drove 6 hours, pulmonary embolism needs to be ruled out in a hospital.\n\nHave you been excercising and could it be sore muscles in your thorax? Does it hurt when you press on your thorax?\n\nAny family history of heart disease?\n\nDo you feel weak, tired, sweaty, out of breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ihs3", "comment_id": "ejy634r"}, {"question": "Podcasts or videos for anxiety?", "description": "Hello. I'm new here but I've had emetophobia for 17 years. I've recently gotten back into therapy. One thing I talked about with my therapist was how I constantly wake up in the middle of the night extremely anxious, most of the time because I get anxious that I'll be sick. Once I'm up, I usually can't fall back asleep for a few hours because of the anxiety. She suggested to find some podcasts or even videos to keep close by to turn on when this happens. I'm wondering if anyone has listened to any podcasts or anything that has been helpful for anxiety, or even just any interesting podcasts that could take my mind off of things. Any suggestions would be helpful! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hey there! For reducing general feelings of anxiety, mindfulness and progressive relaxation videos on YouTube are nice. For distraction, I personally love nerdy stuff like history documentaries and science shows! My favorite YouTube channels for that stuff are AllThemedDocs (documentaries) and VSauce (science)!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7czsr4", "comment_id": "dpu4jtq"}, {"question": "Concerning CBC results for little one", "description": "Today we went for a routine doctor check with our 7 month old daughter (weight 22.4 lbs - 10.16 KG and height 28.7inches - 73cm). She is a perfect child always smiling always full of energy never had any problems.\n\nDoctor ordered a CBC and we got the results in the evening with some concerning entries.\n\nThe sections that are flagged are:\n* Neutrophils percentage - 8% with recommended values between 15-55%\n* Neutrophils count - 0.76 thousand per uL - after reading online this indicates moderate neutropenia \n* Lymphocyte percentage 80.7 with recommended values between 40-70 (and FWIW 7.01 thousand per uL with recommendations between 4-12 - so count NORMAL but percentage off)\n\nWe got scared really bad really fast and we\u2019re trying to get a sense of how bad/serious the results are before we manage to get back to doctors to figure out next steps.\n\nI\u2019d like to ask for a general opinion and not specific questions but I have some of those as well in case it helps:\n\n1) How common is neutropenia in children less than a year\n2) How often is it related to serious issues?\n3) Given that she didn\u2019t have any fever and didn\u2019t have literally any problems up till now - what could be the cause of this?\n4) What could we expect as possible causes?\n5) What are the next recommended steps?\n\nThank you so much! \n", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician, but you have one. Talk to him or her.\n\nTake with a grain of salt, but here's what I make of it with no expertise: lymphocytes are slightly off by percentage but the count is okay, so I wouldn't worry much. The neutrophil count is also fine for a 7 month old, although the percentage is low; neutropenia is usually defined by the absolute neutrophil count, so I wouldn't worry about this either.\n\nThe most likely thing, I'd guess, is normal but relatively high counts for all the other cell types, with therefore a normal absolute neutrophil count that produces an unusually low percentage. The lymphocytes are part of it. It could be everything. In any case, for anything critical your pediatrician will call you; for anything else, it will wait. This may very well be a case where the doctor is completely unconcerned and doesn't think about how it looks to you, so call and ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1mee", "comment_id": "e4s2hup"}, {"question": "Why did PCP show up on my drug test?", "description": "Hey there. 23/F/166lbs/5'3\"/non smoker, don't drink alcohol all that much. I take Pristiq, Seroquel, Intuniv, and the pill. I had to do a drug test for my summer internship and they had to send off the sample for further testing after PCP showed up as a false positive. I've never done recreational drugs, and I was reading about it and apparently Seroquel can create a false positive for PCP on drug tests. Why is this? Is it bad that my body processes the medication that way? Should I be worried for my health at all?", "answer": "Seroquel produces a number of false positives, but PCP isn't one of them. However, there is some literature on venlafaxine/desvenlafaxine (Effexor/Pristiq) producing amphetamine and PCP false positives\n\nIt has nothing to do with how you process the drugs. The rapid drug tests are somewhat nonspecific and can pick up unrelated molecules that share just the right features. The confirmation test should show that it's a false result.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b01ta", "comment_id": "dx2y78b"}, {"question": "Suicidal, want to know what to do", "description": "Hi,\n\nI have borderline personality disorder and I tried to kill myself last summer. I got better, and then I have been getting worse and worse. These past couple days I have been having very bad panic attacks or manic episodes (not sure what exactly they are, sorry) and I think a lot about killing myself. I don't have a solid plan yet, but often I just get very close to driving on the other side of the road. Last night I started cutting again. \n\nI am on antidepressants and have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about different ones or a higher dosage. I have been thinking about going to a mental facility or hospital but I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I can't miss too much of it or I would have to start the semester over (I'm in Education). What goes on in the hospital if I were to admit myself? How long is the average stay for something like this? I understand it's completely a person-to-person thing. \n\nAt this moment I don't want to die but I will again soon and I am afraid that my time is coming to a close. I'm sorry\n\n", "answer": "If you are suicidal tell your doctor. Hospitalizations these days are typically briefer and just for stabilization. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1u9td9", "comment_id": "ceg9d4g"}, {"question": "New, suspicious", "description": "Hey all. I stumbled across this sub recently as I\u2019ve been questioning if I have adhd since I discovered it was actually a \u201cthing\u201d with adults. I was browsing and read a lot of posts that resonate with me. I took the self assessment from add.org and it was highly consistent. I\u2019ll spare you my symptoms as I\u2019m not asking for some diagnosis... I just don\u2019t know what to do\u2014the weight of this feeling of struggling silently and alone for 30 years is very heavy. \nI know that heading to the doctors and psych is the next step but covid put a hold on that for now. I suppose I could do telemedicine but I\u2019m hesitant.\nI\u2019ve been having issues with my husband as he can he sort of controlling and as I look back on or relationship and marriage I realize I clung to him because I needed someone to anchor me and give me some direction. Now that I\u2019m older I don\u2019t want that and I don\u2019t know what to do about it as we have a daughter.\nI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m trying to say. Just looking to be heard.\nThanks.", "answer": "You're realizing a lot of things about yourself and your life. I would really recommend therapy to help you integrate the things you are discovering and figure out where you want to go from here.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "h7qrj0", "comment_id": "fump5pk"}, {"question": "Help! How can I help a friend with depression?", "description": "My friend has severe depression and is always coming to me for emotional support. She is no longer taking anti-depressants and refuses to seek help through therapy. I am her only friend and the only person she speaks to other than her mum. I am not sure how to handle the situation because if I don't speak to her for an entire day she gets really scared and worried to have made me angry. The problem is that her relying on me so much for emotional support has started to take its toll on my own mental health and I am feeling more drained and tired all the time. I don't know what to do to help her but I also feel like I should help myself. Is it selfish to not want to help her all the time? Anyone gone through a similar situation?", "answer": "You can be supportive while caring for yourself. Encourage your friend to ask for what would be helpful from you, if reasonable. That being said you are not a therapist and have your own life to manage. Encourage this person to get professional help!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7ub0t1", "comment_id": "dtiwjaw"}, {"question": "Why is so much more spent on cancer when mental illness kills more?", "description": "Life years taken from mental illness compared to other diseases like cancer are much higher, yet research going into mental health is a fraction of what it is for cancer, for every 1 dollar spent on mental health research, 14 is spent on cancer. As far as treatment goes it seems mental health is the most expensive, so it seems finding better treatments would save a lot of money, but very little is spent compared to these other diseases, what is the reason for this?", "answer": "Kids and cancer, man.\n\nMedical research is narcissistic at its core, dictated by fashionable or \"easy\" outcomes that play well with public narratives and funding providers. There's also business models influencing research too - treatments are expensive to produce and providers are private sector businesses after all.\n\nThe problem with psychiatric research is the relative subjectivity of it, much less glamorous outcomes, and the lack of public interest despite its burden on society.\n\nAs another commenter says, it would make more sense to primarily place efforts of conditions that cause greater global disability (many infective diseases top this list, killing millions in developing countries). It's not gonna happen though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5itspw", "comment_id": "dbaz7oa"}, {"question": "Question for Adults with Aspergers", "description": "Is it better to do a wait-and-see approach to a diagnosis of Aspergers? .\n\nMy son (5yo) has difficulties regulating his emotions and has a speech problem, articulation disorder. he also fidgets a lot. he has been attending private speech therapy for 2yrs and sadly has been kicked out of 3 preschools, after which I homeschooled him, did therapy and him in a 4hrs/week drop in program.\n\nnow due to the preschool difficulties we sought a private psychological evaluation. cognitively he is fine, IQ is good. the doc did see signs of anxiety, ADHD and Aspergers. however we stopped midway due to our daughter being born, some medical difficulties and being smack dab in the middle of evaluations which took an emotional toll. so we stopped in April.\n\nshould I continue the eval process? should I skip that for now and do an educational eval? I'm just terrified of the unknown.", "answer": "I would also think about the consequences of getting an eval done through a school. They might try to push services that you or your child does not want. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26dh1e", "comment_id": "chqh7xa"}, {"question": "How to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?", "description": "Hello! I have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and I'm very nervous. I'm looking for guidance, not trying to \"do the work\" here, if that makes sense.\n\nI'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since I first asked why I've been circumcised, I've been unhappy about it. I mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is Jewish and wanted me to look like him). I guess a part of me also wishes I could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course I'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is. It feels like I'm going through a grieving process similar to when I had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time I'm going through it completely alone.\n\nI've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist. She's great, and I've discussed a lot of other private details with her. Circumcision is different. She has a two-year-old son, and I have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are. I'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised.\n\nI'm scared to even mention it here, because from what I've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to \"get over it\" or assume that there \"must be something deeper\" going on. I guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. I think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. You absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. It sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. Trust her again to support you in this process. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bv8c1u", "comment_id": "epmrq05"}, {"question": "How did I live before Concerta?", "description": "31F here. I was first diagnosed at age 25 and didn't start taking medication until about a year and a half ago (it took me a while to get over the idea that I just needed to try harder somehow).\n\nI'm having a problem with my pharmacy where they claim they didn't get the prescription from my doctor, when I KNOW she sent it. It finally got resolved and I can go pick it up today. After 3 weekdays of not having my medication, I can barely conceptualize how I functioned at all without it. I can't believe I got through college and graduate school like this. It was awful, I was put on academic probation twice, accused of \"not being dedicated to the program,\" my grades were all over the map, I lurched from depressive episode to depressive episode. . . but somehow I made it through.", "answer": "Oh my God. They didn't refill my Concerta. They refilled my sertraline (Zoloft). I wasn't out of Zoloft. I'm out of Concerta. I got the text that my prescription was ready and I thought I was going to be all set for tomorrow. Now I have to try to struggle through another brain fog day. I can't believe this. This is ridiculous.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jjtf30", "comment_id": "gagod7o"}, {"question": "My [21/F] responding to messages and questions during our [21/M] argument.", "description": "We are having an argument. In the middle of my sentence I hear her type. Talking about it later she told me that someone asked her something and because she saw it, she didn't wanna be rude and ignore in. She took one minute to reply while listening to me and then we continued the conversation normally. In my eyes the fact that she replied to that message is really rude and disrespectful and shows that she doesn't really care about what we were talking about and she got more important things to do. In her eyes I'm asking her to be rude to people on purpose to boost my ego and prove to me how important I am.", "answer": "It's rude. Most things people do with their phones are rude!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cuprt", "comment_id": "dhxhc96"}, {"question": "Sexual-OCD, intrusive thoughts and masturbation", "description": "I think this is another confession compulsion, but I need to get it out. \n\nThis week I was suddenly reminded of something that \"happened\" over a year ago. During that time my OCD was really bad and I had constant intrusive sexual thoughts. \n\nI remembered one time getting an image in my head, then getting anxious, and then getting a \"groinal response\". I was anxious about the thought, but the response felt very real, so I deicided to \"test\" myself, so I could figure out once and for all if I was a sick person.\n\nI basically forced myself to masturbate to the thought, thinking that nobody would be hurt by this \"testing\". However, I was mostly thinking about normal sexual stuff to actually stimulate myself. Needless to say, it was a horrible decision and I got very panicked about the testing. \n\nI've read sexual studies that say that physical stimulation alone can lead to an erection and that sexual thoughts in general can generate feelings of attraction, even if the content is not likeable. I'm not comparing myself to a rape victim but I've read about rape victims getting physical feelings of stimulation (obviously rape IS NEVER pleasant). I've told myself that the other sexual stuff was the thing that essentially got me excited. I've also read about groinal responses in OCD.\n\nDespite all of this, I feel like it's different (classic OCD-trick). I guess I'm looking for some reassurance here. ", "answer": "Seeking reassurance only strengthens the cycle. \"Testing\" needs to be off the table. It's difficult with sexual obsessions, but necessary. You simply have to practice sitting with the doubt instead of trying to figure things out. I struggle with the same thing, so I get it.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "3npxsd", "comment_id": "cvq819w"}, {"question": "Can you take a kalms tablet after consuming caffeine?", "description": "Forgive me if I am writing this in the wrong subreddit, I am new to this. If it is in the wrong one, please tell me where to post.\n\nI am female, 22 years old, 5ft7, weigh 140lbs. \nI don't take any medications.\nDo not drink or smoke.\nNo serious medical issues. I have a persistent cough from a chest infection from two months ago. I also get heart palpitations sometimes.\n\nI suffer with anxiety and excessive sweating however, so I get very nervous and very sweaty in certain situations. \n\nI have my driving test coming up and I get extremely anxious when driving under pressure and I get sweaty palms so I will take a kalms tablet like an hour or so before the test.\n\n I was wondering if anyone else has taken one before their driving test and if it helped? Is it safe for me to take considering I get heart palpitations? I have had them checked out at the cardiologist and he put it down to anxiety. Does kalms make a big difference? I have never taken one before, so I don't know how I'll react to it on me on my test.\n\nBut my main question is, I was also wondering if I can have a coffee in the morning, then take the kalms right after? Would the caffeine affect it in any way? I need a coffee in the morning to function and my test is in the morning.\n\nKalms is a stress relieving tablet made from herbal remedies, and is supposed to be natural.", "answer": "Kalms pills contain an assortment of herbs. From what I can tell, none have any evidence of being effective for anything in particular. There's no reason you couldn't take it after coffee, but there's also no reason to expect it to do anything, with or without coffee.\n\nMy advice would be to save your money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cq0oh1", "comment_id": "ewsw4mb"}, {"question": "I desperately want to communicate with my dad, but I'm scared", "description": "TL;DR - I miss my dad now more than ever. He did a huge part in raising me right when my mom was having trouble raising me (divorced). Certain events made me stop calling him and it's eating at me. It has been around 8 years since I last spoke to him. I am 23. He probably had an idea of what he wanted to do as a father - watching his children grow up into responsible adults. And I very selfishly took that from him. I hate myself for it.\n\nFirst off, a little about me. I've always had a fear of being close to people. I later grew up to find out that I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder. I am on government disability because I can't work. I am gay, but almost entirely anti-sexual due to my disabilities. One of my hardest challenges is answering the phone, which lead to me not talking to my dad anymore. Even IMing over Facebook is painfully difficult for me. I once tried to contact my dad on Facebook but it went very wrong. Basically, my stepmom intervened and shunned me for being gay and owning a 2nd, private Facebook account to avoid my family. More details on my stepmom later.\n\nMy dad. Basically, he's old fashioned. Watches TV, doesn't use a cell phone, barely uses a computer. Hunts, fishes, 4-wheeler. Air Force. Majorly disciplined-based. Hates gay people, hates anybody you would call a \"snowflake\". Very laid-back. Not very understanding of abnormalities in people, I guess. But he's an excellent father. He never did anything wrong to me, despite our differences. Blocking him out of my life is easily my worst mistake.\n\nMy stepmom. I spent 5 years with her and my dad. I tried so very hard to gain her respect and love. She was very emotionally neglecting. Not abusive, but absent. She also started drinking alcohol, which ultimately ended in her kicking me and my brother out of the house while my dad was stationed in Korea (Air Force). My brother and I tried so hard with her, but our dad didn't see what we were going through. He always sided with her - even that night we got kicked out. I was 14 and my brother was 16. We had to spend the night at our neighbor's house while my mom came overnight to get us. I hate blaming people, but I do single-handedly blame her for the severity of my relationship with my dad. If she hadn't gotten drunk and kicked out her mid teenaged step children, none of this would have happened. My dad would have come back from Korea and continued to be a great father. I could go on about this nonstop, so I'll just force an end with that.\n\nFinally, my relationship with my dad and how it has affected me. I was 15 or 16 when I last spoke to him. I think about him almost every day. And when I do, it's dreadfully painful for me. I love him to death but I don't have the courage or willpower to even write him a letter. I'm terrified of what he will say to me. What if I finally do it and he blames me for blocking him out? What if he has finally gotten over me leaving and no longer wants to communicate with me?\n\nMy biggest fear is that he will get sick or even grow old and I miss the years of opportunity to fix this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I'm so scared.", "answer": "Well my friend; I'm a therapist and this is about the most thoughtful, mature post I've ever read.\nWe can't control what other people do and think. So we have to act based on our own thoughts and feelings first and foremost. The important thing is you have the maturity, and the sensitivity, and the intelligence to process all of this painful stuff. So I would suggest you act on your heart, which is your desire to contact him and explore the possibilities of a good future as father and son. You have to be fully mentally prepared for anything, since his psyche is an unknown variable. He could do or say anything; from ignoring you, to being vitriolic, and everything in between. William Faulkner said \"between grief and nothing, I will take grief\". If the worst scenario occurs, than your Dad has lots of permanent inadequacies, totally unrelated to you. If the result is fair to great, then I think you answered the call of your generous spirit.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjts6", "comment_id": "ddn1xpl"}, {"question": "How can I increase my patience?", "description": "A little over a year ago I moved in with my fianc\u00e9, she had a child who was 4, now 5 who has always been crazy, as most five year old boys are. When I drank I could be a lot more relaxed with his behavior and not care as much, but now that I\u2019ve stopped I\u2019m almost constantly on edge with him and very irritable. It took a few days for me to realize that he really isn\u2019t being that bad, but I\u2019ve been on his ass about acting right when really he is just being a kid. What methods can I use to increase my patience with him?", "answer": "The best book on relating to children is \u201cHow to talk so kids listen and how to listen so kids talk\u201d by Faber and Mazlish. It was inspired by the ideas of Haim Ginnot. Dr John Gottman, the world renowned marriage counselor dedicated his first book to Dr. Ginnot. The key is to try to understand the motivating emotions first and express that understanding in a way the child can understand. It works with adults too.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fdylzg", "comment_id": "fjl3uhj"}, {"question": "My (20M) GF (17F) hasn't got a lot of time for me and refuses to make it. What do you think?", "description": "The title is a bit concise.\nMy girlfriend and i are both in our first relationship, everything is great when we're together, i love her dearly and she loves me too. But for some reason she cannot make time for me, she goes to college, has a job, couple of friends and she plays sports at a fairly high level. \nI have no problem with any of those intrinsically, because i think its great she has a lot of things going on. Problem is, when scheduling stuff to do, she seems to forget me. I have brought this up several times and she promised to better herself, but now she's gone out again and i'm alone writing this.\nDoes anyone have any advice? Any questions i should ask myself? Thanks in advance!\nEdit; gf is 18, almost 19.", "answer": "she simply has different needs than you at the moment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39vw", "comment_id": "dmkcgzm"}, {"question": "[20/M] My girlfriend [21/F] admitted sex makes her feel bad", "description": "I may post this in r/sex if that is more helpful, but this is still a relationship question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. She's intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and always puts others before herself. We instantly clicked but on our first date I remembered her telling me she moves very slowly in relationships. After three dates we were officially dating, but she asked to keep it off Facebook. It took another two dates until we even kissed, and two weeks after that to start fooling around (nakedness but not actual sex).\n\nAfter four months we still hadn't slept together, she always got tense when I moved things intimately. I asked her why and she'd just shrug it off, so I backed off. Eventually she admitted while she had fooled around with a past boyfriend, she was a virgin. I insisted it wasn't a big deal, and two months later we finally had sex.\n\nShe doesn't usually initiate, but always seems eager when we sleep together. She's come a long way, makes sure she does things that I like, but I recently realized she gets very uncomfortable whenever I focus on her. I thought maybe she was insecure about how she looked, but she'll have sex with the lights on and has never complained about her body before.\n\nLong story short, I started foreplay when she was over last night and she was in to it until I started paying her too much attention. Like I pulled her hands away from touching me to go down on her (she's never let me do that). She got really tense and asked me to stop. I of course backed off and asked her if she was okay, she said yes but to not do that, and I asked her why. When she started to shrug it off I was more firm and said I wanted to know why she won't let me focus just on her.\n\nShe burst in to tears and I felt like a complete jackass. I didn't yell or anything, and she's never cried before. She told me that her ex was her first sexual partner (as in being sexual, they never had sex) but he made her feel awful about sex. When she said she was a virgin it was like a huge fetish and all he cared about was taking her virginity. She said he'd get her drunk, feel her up in public, initiate when she said no and wouldn't stop until she physically got him off of her. My girlfriend said sex was always a one-way thing that wouldn't end until he got off no matter what. He made her pleasure some kind of bargaining chip like \"if I made you feel good now you HAVE to get me off.\"\n\nMy girlfriend said all she thought about while having sex was making sure I was happy. Like her end goal was never to feel good herself, it was to get me off so our relationship didn't end up like that. She started going on and on about how she knows sex for guys is the most important part of dating and was afraid if I tried to get her to orgasm (which she never has because she stops me) I'd use it against her.\n\nHonestly I had NO idea she thought of sex like that. I finally got her to calm down and said this was a discussion we should have after she slept on it. I don't know what to do. Basically my girlfriend thinks sex is just to satisfy me and I'd somehow use her getting off as an excuse to escalate to things she might not want to do. I feel so bad because she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and for some douche to use her inexperience against her like that... ugh.\n\nI just don't know how to talk to her about it. We're meeting up tomorrow night. Do I take a break from sex with her and say only when she's ready we'll start up again? She feels like somehow she's broken and she isn't, she just dated a douche and tried hard to seem like the perfect girlfriend.\n\n**tl;dr:** Girlfriend of 8 months and I started having sex 2 months ago. She admitted the reason she won't let me focus on her pleasure is because her ex made sex all about him and used her feeling good as an excuse to escalate his own needs. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "Go slow. Be patient. Let her be in control of how this evolves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u73kc", "comment_id": "dlqiuas"}, {"question": "Why wasn't I \"awake\" until adulthood?", "description": "I have a hard time remembering things as a kid. I remember some specific events here and there but nothing too significant. So when I hear other people talk about the wonderful times as a child and some of their specific instances like 'early childhood crushes', 'their favorite type of music they were into', etc, I find it hard to relate. I didn't have those things, not because I was mistreated by my family or anything of the sort. \n\nI feel like the reason I can't relate to those things was because as a child, I didn't have a personality. I was a complete drone. I didn't have opinions. I didn't have 'likes'. I was a complete robot who did what he was told and started 'malfunctioning' in middle school. The whole reason I say 'malfunctioning' is because I still didn't have a personality in middle school, but I stopped doing things I was told to do. \n\nInstead of doing homework, I played video games. Instead of doing chores, I played video games. Instead of doing anything, I played video games.\n\nI nearly flunked a grade because of it. \n\nSo that's why I'm asking this. Is this fairly normal? Or is there something wrong?", "answer": "Take a look at Erickson's stages of development. Some folks get stuck in one and it takes them longer than usual to progress to the next. In other cases, folks skip a step and because they didn't have a healthy resolution of a certain stage it continues to cause them problems later in life. For whatever reason, something like this may have been the case for you. On top of that, sounds like you developed a bit of a gaming addiction early on which would cause a heap of problems for anyone, but especially when it happens in early childhood. \n\n\nhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bqw6ox", "comment_id": "eocp8vv"}, {"question": "Has anyone else's sleep patterns get completely wrecked from doing therapy?", "description": "To provide some backstory to my question, I experience anxiety/PTSD-esque reactions due to specific triggers from relationship related trauma that occurred over 10 years ago. This also has caused bouts of anxiety based insomnia after that relationship ended for a time. \n\nInstead of going to the doctor at the time I chose to drink each night to ensure I slept. I did that 7 days a week for the next 10 years. After stopping that pattern in May, sleep was generally much improved and restful till I started a more intense regimen of therapy. \n\nI used to go bi-weekly to a psychotherapist but since added on a weekly specialized therapy group for alcohol use + seeing a psych doctor in conjunction. I also read a lot more about this subject matter and try to practice as much as possible to \"relearn\" healthier ways of thinking and doing. \n\nThe combination of all of this has left me with what seems to be almost a perpetual state of \"emotional hangover.\" Since this intense schedule began I've noticed my sleep to be completely bonkers.\n\nI went from an average of 7 hrs with not much time getting to sleep with maybe 1-2 wake ups to experiencing 5+ wake ups a night, being awake for hours and some nights not sleeping at all.\n\nI try to have good sleep hygiene aka: turn off screens an hour before bed, read, listen to calming podcasts etc and nothing seems to really help. Often I'll wake up at like 2-3am and feel wide awake so rather than toss and turn I just get up and ride out the day but I know that's NOT healthy, but I'm not getting anywhere further with this easing either so not sure what to do about it.\n\nDoes anyone have any similar experiences?", "answer": "So you are engaging in therapy 3-4 times a week (I'm assuming that you see the psychiatrist every few weeks to months and not weekly)? I give you kudos for doing that all outpatient.\n\nSounds like you are working with your feelings a ton more, and that's what leads to the \"emotional hangover\" that then keeps you up at night. That can definitely happen. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? If you are seeing a psychiatrist also, if there's any new medication in the picture, that could also be a side effect.\n\nI'd bring it up at your next appointment with the therapist and psychiatrist and see what each propose. Perhaps some activities or strategies to better combat the \"emotional hangover\" or redirecting a therapy session to something less emotionally intensive may be helpful there. Also, maybe a change of med regiment could also be an answer. \n\nRegardless, good on your for prioritizing your mental wellness!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dmh7jm", "comment_id": "f50icq2"}, {"question": "Should I admit myself to a psychward", "description": "So I've been pretty bad for about a month now. Been constantly suicidal and hurting myself. I have borderline personality disorder, but I believe I may be going through some kind of emotional breakdown. I've been denied hospitalization twice now, due to my diagnosis. However, I feel I cannot keep myself safe. Just today I tried to OD and hang myself but my dad stopped me. Been down A&E about 4 or 5 times now due to suicidal thoughts. I've also been under the crisis team about 3 times. Constantly going round in circles of getting better for a little while then dropping again, and needing to be under the crisis team again. I don;t know why I do it, I'm just in so much pain. This is the most pain I think I've ever been in. My dad said he's gonna speak to the guy who denied me hospitalization since he can't handle my outbursts anymore, and he can't keep me on suicide watch 24/7. He believes a hospital will be able to fully take care of me. The mental health staff tell me I'm too young to go into hospital, that I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm 19.\n\nAm I making a wrong decision? I'm scared I'll regret it, as I'll be with people who have no insight. Unlike me with full insight, yet extremely suicidal. I still have the chance to ask my dad not to speak to the guy. However, I feel that if I don't go in hospital I may seriously hurt myself. I need some advice with this.\n", "answer": "It's really hard to give advice as every situation is different. It's really really difficult when you struggle with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and you have to deal with all that emotional liability.\n\nYou sound like a UK sufferer? If so then I'd strongly advise you to work with the crisis teams and your responsible psychiatrist on this. If you feel that you aren't being listened to - be honest about it. We psychiatrists are only human and don't always get it right. On the other hand, the team might have grasped the best way to manage crisis moments having known you for long enough.\n\nThis post is deliberately vague because I don't know you. There have been patients that I work with that I would admit in similar situations and patients that I would avoid admitting at all costs.\n\nI can only give you my most genuine and sincere sympathy for your extreme distress, but keep pestering your doctors and nurses until you have a feeling of some control over your situation.\n\nEdit: it's my experience that many never have a proper conversation about what personality disorder actually is. [Here's what I point my patients to when I talk about it.](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)\n\nEdit2: Inpatient care manages the risk of harm but doesn't treat the personality disorder in the classical sense. On the other hand people can suffer multiple illnesses and psychiatrists should bear that in mind and not label every behaviour to personality disorder.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "4vjecq", "comment_id": "d5yxrip"}, {"question": "Curing Cancer Only Extends Life By 3 Years?", "description": "Is it true that curing cancer would only extend the average life by like 3 years, the reason why would be that the next thing would get you e.g. you would get heart disease. It makes sense but I haven't seen any actual proof but I dont' see why it would not be true.\n\n[https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587](https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587)\n\n\u2022Google \n\"Gains in life expectancy after elimination of major causes of death\" ", "answer": "If you cure prostate cancer in an 85 year old man with multiple other chronic illnesses then 3 more years might be beating the odds. Cure leukemia in a 20 year old and you can expect decades of life.\n\nCancer isn\u2019t one disease, and I\u2019m suspicious of the 3 years you cite. I\u2019ve never seen it before.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rhm5r", "comment_id": "e8hgyu1"}, {"question": "Something I've noticed about this subreddit that a lot of you do that makes me feel at home.", "description": "I always find myself browsing new posts on this sub and I always see people deleting comments and posts. It's funny to me that there's a grip of people like me that impulsively post shit and regret it 5 minutes later. Blame it on the RSD baby!", "answer": "I notice my RSD is stroooooong on reddit in general!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xcrbp", "comment_id": "e9whfji"}, {"question": "Social Anxiety Disorder/self harm/depression excuses?", "description": "So, I've been off school for a few months due to social anxiety disorder, self harm and depression. When I go back, there are bound to be questions, but I don't want to tell people about my problems. What sort of excuses can I use? I'm looking for funny stuff that people won't know how to respond to. e.g. \"what are those scars from. Did you cut yourself or something?\" \"No, I wrestled a werewolf and he got me pretty bad, but I beat him, so it's all good\"", "answer": "My main advice is to stop for a second and take a read on who's asking the question.\nQuestion number one - are they being respectful?\nIf they are being a jerk (asking you personal questions in public places, or they seem to be trying to make you feel uncomfortable, being judgemental etc) - don't try to be funny. Just shut them down. (ignore them or \"the cat\" will do)\nIf they are being nice - then being funny is cool.\n\nPlus you can always work the werewolf into a metaphor for your own dark side later... We all have a dark side.\n\nRemember - your personal life is noone else's business. Share your personal life only with people who have earned some of your trust. And be funny only with people who have earned your sense of humour.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1fkukq", "comment_id": "cabglbf"}, {"question": "Would this be considered an eating disorder?", "description": "Beware, long wall of text. \n\nI'm 28 [F] 5\"6,weigh 110 and for the past 2 years I have been having an incredibly difficult time eating and almost constantly feel like I want to vomit. A couple of years ago I started feeling nauseated frequently for seemingly no reason, anything I eat immediately makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. I can be incredibly hungry...hunger pains, my stomach growling, haven't eaten in days... and as soon as I take one or two bites of food I immediately feel a lump rise up in my throat and the overwhelming feeling like I want to vomit and then I can't eat anymore. I try to force myself sometimes but it just ends with me feeling disgustingly sick and not being able to finish. Yesterday was the first time I had eaten in 3 days, aside from a couple of bites of shrimp lo mein the day before (I had tried SO hard to eat the whole thing, but couldn't). I started with a small bowl of noodle soup, hoping to trick myself into eating food. I was able to get that and a couple of pieces of pizza down, but I struggled with it and felt awful for an hour after. This is pretty much my routine now...don't eat for a few days until the hunger pains are unbearable, then force myself to struggle through a meal and feel like I want to puke it all up after. Rinse and repeat. \n\nI am also now incredibly sensitive to smells. Being in a kitchen while someone is cooking, or around someone who is vaping makes me gag and feel the need to vomit as soon as the smell hits me. Restrooms I usually have to hold my breath in, and I find myself avoiding a lot of public places in general because of all the smells. I just started working in a restaurant recently, and every shift is a nightmare for me because of the smells.\n\nSometimes the nauseated feeling is there with seemingly no triggers at all. Making out with someone? Hold up a minute while I run to the bathroom out of nowhere to puke my guts up. Playing a game with friends? Guys I don't feel very well..\nAnd of course I am CONSTANTLY lethargic. There is never me not feeling sleepy and sluggish. That is my normal. \n\nI do not experience, and never have experienced, body dysmorphia. I love my body, and there has never been a point where I haven't. I also don't look at myself in the mirror and go \"you better fucking stay like that\". Lately I have been worried about my need to eat more because my face is starting to look gaunt. I want to eat, I want to gain weight. My gag reflex however does not agree. \n\nI walk 3 to 5 miles a day, but that is due to severe anxiety and not because I'm trying to maintain any weight (though it does keep me relatively in shape considering how much time I spend on my PC). \n\nI do suffer from PTSD and severe depression and struggle with suicidal thoughts which I don't know if maybe depression could affect someone like this? I sometimes feel like it's all in my head.\nI did also have to go to the E.R. a few months after this started after spending 10 hours vomiting and having severe, also bloody diarrhea. The E.R. doctor told me they found a colitis in my large intestine and told me to see a specialist since bowel cancer and ulcerative colitis run in my family. I did go see a gastroenterologist, and after trying several different medications to try to curb the nausea(Zofran, Promethazine, a couple others I can't recall) with no relief I lost my job and thus my insurance and was no longer able to see a specialist further. I cannot afford a gastro again, but obviously need some kind of help here. Is this something a general practitioner can help me with, or am I best waiting until I've saved up enough for a specialist? \n\nThis is obviously not healthy, and I'm scared that I'm going to slowly kill myself of malnutrition if this continues. I feel miserable. I just want to eat like a normal person. \n", "answer": "Sounds like a medical issue leading to problems keeping food down rather than a mental disorder - though your existing issues might be contributing to it. Does any of your difficulties with eating correlate with your mental health?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p5dzd", "comment_id": "dcpp7tj"}, {"question": "Girl [21F] cancelled on me [21M] for school work", "description": "I started hanging out with this girl, and we started talking and flirting a bit. We ended up setting a lunch hang-out session after class and she cancelled it on the day of because\na)the class ended after lunch hour (around 2:00PM) b)she had a lot of studying to do after class\nShe said we could reschedule for some another time, but I didn't bother being enthusiastic about it yet because I'm the one who initiated the first hang-out in the first place. I'm losing interest in her as I thought she was interested in me judging by the way things were going. But thinking about it, if a girl really wanted to get to know me or liked me, she would go out of her trivial matters to make it happen. Am I overreacting or should I consider this a mismatch?\n\ntl;dr Girl canceled on a chance to hang out with me for school work, we've been flirting for a while and I thought she liked me. If she isn't willing to spare an hour of her life to a guy, it probably means that she's not into him?", "answer": "Maybe she's bit concerned about a long-term future with a guy that considers school work \"trivial?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20l92t", "comment_id": "cg4cpfb"}, {"question": "How to jumpstart stomach in the morning without coffee", "description": "Male, 20, 145 lbs.\n\nI've been relying on black coffee to crap in the mornings, but I don't want to increqse my caffeine tolerance or even relt on caffeine. Any healthier zero calories alternatives?", "answer": "Black coffee has very few calories and is not unhealthy. There are lots of studies on coffee consumption, and while none to my knowledge are the gold standard randomized, controlled, double-blind study (because that's pretty hard to do with food and drink), the studies largely come down on the side of coffee being safe and possibly slightly reducing your risk of a few diseases.\n\nIf you're concerned about caffeine then your options for things to drink are pretty much water, non-caffeinated teas, or decaf coffee or tea (both of which have a little bit of caffeine but much less.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91hxab", "comment_id": "e2y3p0p"}, {"question": "[Text]Match Day, a story about a crippling defeat, meant to inspire", "description": "Hello Reddit. Please bear with me, this is my first post to reddit. I'm usually one of the guys who reads inspiring posts and carries it throughout the day. This morning I felt compelled to return the favor. ~~I'll try to keep it short~~, but this is my story.\n\nA little bit of background information. Today, the 3rd Friday in February is Match Day and a very important day in the life of a psychology graduate student. After numerous years of education (read: ~10 including college) it is time to be matched to an internship program to complete your doctoral degree. Interviews, traveling across the country, no sleep, laughably broke, rental cars, countless essays, revisions and cover letters all over the past few months submitted into a glorified (read: flawed) computer program all culminates today. \n\nAs you can imagine, it can be a glorious tale of success if you are matched with a program, but it can also be a crippling defeat for someone who didn't get an invite to the ball. If you are the former, congratulations on all of your success, go out and enjoy. This is an amazing accomplishment and you and your family should be very proud. \n\nMy story is for the latter. 3 years ago today, I did not match with a program. I did not get an invite to the ball and all 12 of my friends received better news than I did. I fell into a spiral of sadness, questioning if I did something wrong, how did this happen, what did everyone else do that I must have forgotten. I was desperate for answers, but I was looking in all the wrong places. My mistake, was that I turned inwards, and I doubted everything that I was so proud of hours before. \n\nThe solution was that I finally reached out. I told my friends which helped remove some of the self-doubt. There is one professor in my program who I truly trusted, not only as an educator but as a friend. He made room in his schedule and saw me for over 1.5 hours. Reaching out to others got me the support that I needed to get motivated and have enough resolve to address my weaknesses and fortify my strengths. We made a plan to get additional experiences and work on interviewing skills to make sure I was an ideal candidate for internship for next year. (btw, I did try phase II later that year but also did not match)\n\nMy invite arrived next year. All of my planning and extra effort including working the extra job to support myself and gaining different clinical activities allowed me to get a top notch internship at a VA (highly competitive). Looking back, I had no shot at getting a VA internship the first time around, but I worked harder and got a better site than any of my other friends did the previous year. \n\nI'm writing this today to let you know that it gets better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. The system has failed graduate students because there are quite frankly too many of us and not enough spots. It became this invalidating monster and we are left to face the consequences, but you don't have to do it alone. \n\nAll in all, it was worth waiting the extra year to get a much better site. I have since completed my internship, earned my doctorate, and moved on to a VA Post-Doctoral program. Earlier today, I submitted my application for licensure as a Clinical Psychologist.\n\n**TL:DR** Match Day is a very emotional day, both good and bad. For the latter, reach out to others, your accomplishments are still valuable and if you get motivated and work on your clinical skills everything will work out just fine...maybe even better. Good Luck!\n\nEdit: Some stream of consciousness grammatical errors were made and corrected. I am also learning a few new tricks!", "answer": "Congrats man!! The VA *is* super competitive so big-time kudos to you!\n\nI am in a very similar timeline as you, currently doing post-doc and working on licensure. I didn't go through the national match process to find my internship, but took the easy way out through a loophole APPIC consortium my program created. \n\nI saw the hell my friends went through in the match. A fellow student with awesome grades, stellar resume, and good interviewing skills didn't match. I couldn't believe it. \n\nI do know what the waiting feels like though. I took the EPPP in early January (never got my master's license, so didn't test out of it earlier). Results are supposed to take 6 weeks, which seems odd as the tests is computer scored. I just found out the tests from December and January haven't been processed and that I'll have to wait another 2 weeks. I'm dying. I don't think I did that well, despite studying for months and I worry I'll be broken if I didn't pass.", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "2wk7m8", "comment_id": "cornkou"}, {"question": "bye dudes", "description": "i\u2019m quitting life. Fuck it. i have been so done for so long but this time, imma do it right. \nbest of luck to all of you,\na random internet stranger", "answer": "don't do it! i promise, if you wait this out, it will pass and life will get better!!!", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fpje9y", "comment_id": "fllp7bi"}, {"question": "If I were to see a therapist/mental health professional for substance abuse, what would happen?", "description": "I\u2019ve been taking opioids for two months (I was first prescribed them then I started stealing them from my mom and sister after I ran out). The last time I took them was March 7 and I feel like I\u2019m losing it. I\u2019ve been looking through my whole house for some kind of drugs and there\u2019s been a couple of times where I almost bought some. \n\nI want to see a therapist or some other mental health professional for this because I have no one to talk to but I\u2019m worried for what they\u2019ll think of me and that they\u2019ll put me on the \u201cdon\u2019t give drugs to\u201d list. \n\nAny advice?", "answer": "You won't be placed on a drug list for seeing anyone. However, when you are prescribed controlled substances there is a database called the PDMP that many states use.\n\nYou would most likely meet with the addiction specialist and complete an evaulation & discussion in which you both would collavoratively come up with a plan of action for getting you support that you need. You would get to decide if you wanted to follow through with recommendations or not and discuss alternatives. It is really nice to have support.\nYou are most likely experiencing residual withdrawal symptoms and it helps to learn how to cope and work through the early stages of recovery. If you want to, you can call the Alcohol and drug helpline which can answer any questions and help connect you with a professional.\n\nThe National helpline number is 1-844-289-0879.\n\n Please feel free to message me anytime if I can support you or answer any questions.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fjo3d1", "comment_id": "fkomx8v"}, {"question": "How do I fight off my sexual fantasy?", "description": "I'll keep this one simple as I can\n\nBeen with my current girlfriend for 2 years, things are great. We've known each other for a lot longer than that. Both interested in getting married in a couple years. \n\nLately, I've been having the urge to sate a sexual fantasy of mine.\n\nI really like MILFs/cougar/older women. I'm 25 right now and I know the older I get the less interesting the fantasy will become to me, but its just something that turns me one\n\nWhen I was single I'd been with two older women, one when I was 21 and another 23, met them online on okcupid and craigslist\n\nAnyways, lately, that fantasy/fetish has been itching at me and I just really want to fuck a MILF again\n\nThe problem is I know my girlfriend would never be open to it. \n\nShes pretty open sexually, we communicate good, she reads smut and I watch porn and we are both extremely open and honest about our sexuality with each other, very positive\n\nI just don't know how to bring this up to her, I don't want her to think I want to cheat on her or do something dishonest\n\nI just don't know what else to do, the only other option would be to just play my cards with a burner email account and stay private but I feel like that just doesn't feel good to me\n\nWhat should I do", "answer": "if one needs to play out fantasies, they are not ready to be in a committed relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q5649", "comment_id": "dcwd8kf"}, {"question": "I have had enough!", "description": "This is the third time i have broken my streak(9days,6days,7days).But now,im coming back with full force,Im gonna make this streak go upto atleast 100now and i wont surrender to fapping again.The 6-7 days i didnt fap gave me a lot of confidence and i dont want go back to that shitty condition of fapping 4-5 times a day.Plus,i feel like i got a girl to like me aswell and become good friends with her. Wish me luck guys,im aiming for A solid 100 this time and i wont give up!", "answer": "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. 100 is good goal, but keep the focus on one day!", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bn3skb", "comment_id": "en214oz"}, {"question": "What are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "description": "I don't know if this is the right place for the thread. Speaking of mental disorders, what are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "answer": "Anorexia because its the most deadly. Once you're dead, there is no hope for recovery.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2h55jy", "comment_id": "ckqyg1k"}, {"question": "Dysthymia vs Major?", "description": "This past Saturday I had an appointment with a psychologist. It was the first time seeing one in many years and it was most to talk about my Mom and how to deal with her issues. However, she asked me if I had ever heard of Dysthymia and I told her no. I later found out it\u2019s just another word for Chronic Depression. She asked what I had been diagnosed with before and everyone had always told me \u201cmajor depression.\u201d I understand that major is more severe and acute while chronic is more mild but long term. Is it possible to be both major and chronic? I truly don\u2019t feel like I\u2019ve ever been better but I have months where things are better than other months. Anyone know how to tell a difference?", "answer": "I'm really boiling this down and simplifying, so any other professionals, please excuse the over-simplification, but essentially, Major Depressive Disorder would constitute a period of depression with many very severe symptoms, often having a disastrous effect on your ability to work, maintain social relationships, take care of your activities of daily living, etc. \n\nDysthymia is a chronic low level of depression, where in most cases, the person can still function, but their functioning is impaired due to the constant but less severe depressive symptoms (low energy, inability to feel joy, irritability, etc.)\n\nGenerally though their are a lot of similarities in the way they present, in my opinion, I believe they occur due to fairly different circumstances/reasons. \n\nLet me know if this isn't clear or you have any follow up questions.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80erfe", "comment_id": "duv0mn9"}, {"question": "Diagnosing Mental Illnesses", "description": "I've been interested in mental illness for a long time, and one question I have never been able to find a satisfying answer for is the extent to which it can be accurately diagnosed. To give a little personal background, I've never been diagnosed with a mental illness. However, I did see a doctor when I was around 12 or 13 (I lied about my symptoms because I didn't want to be put on medication), and am confident that if I were to see a mental health professional and be honest with them I could get diagnosed with a few disorders. Without going into great detail, I have moderately severe anxiety (mostly social) and depression. I also have a tendency to be paranoid and occasionally things I know aren't true seem to be very real (for example, as a teenager I once convinced myself that I had contracted rabies despite never having been bitten by an animal and displaying no symptoms). Not looking for sympathy, just want to give some context as to where I'm coming from.\n\nIn a college I read David Rosenhan's \"On Being Sane in Insane Places,\" where he essentially displayed the inability of psychiatric hospitals to diagnose schizophrenia. Based on this, I ended up writing a term paper entitled \"The Social Origins of Mental Illness,\" the central argument of which was that most mental illnesses are either just behavior society deems abnormal or are caused to a large extent by an individual's social environment. Building off this idea, I started to try to come up with my own definition of mental health, and have been very unsuccessful. This is largely due to the fact that I don't think I've ever met a human being that I think is sane, myself included. Some people think worshiping the sun is insane, but have no problem kneeling in front of a cross to pray and sincerely believe that they can communicate with a guy they read about in a book who supposedly died over 2000 years ago. To me, that seems to be an indicator of poor mental health. Humanity is destroying the planet that sustains us as a species and yet every day people pile into their cars to drive to a job they hate. I don't believe that any of those people are mentally healthy.\n\nI guess my point here boils down to me not being able to take seriously any diagnosis of mental illness, at least not in this society, because I don't believe I have met anyone who is mentally stable enough, myself included, to make such a diagnosis. Has anyone experienced something similar?", "answer": "Mental illness diagnosis largely revolves around symptoms that cause a considerable amount of distress, whether acute or chronic in nature, depending on the disorder. \nI would direct you to the DSM for criteria for diagnosing mental illness for specifics and because I'm not going to try to list symptoms from memory and call it accurate. \nAn example would be major depressive disorder, which usually goes beyond just feeling sad or hopeless from time to time. Depression symptoms have to be present for something like 6 months straight prior to a diagnosis being made. Some symptoms would be suicidal ideation and planning, hopelessness, feelings of extreme sadness, markedly increased or decreased appetite, overeating or undereating, and extremely low motivation to do anything. \nPeople with manor depressive disorder are locked into a state of these symptoms for months on end without relief, causing considerable distress in their daily life. The main reason for any mental health diagnosis is to provide some understanding for treatment modalities that tend to work well for people experiencing distress from similar symptoms, while the symptoms may present differently in different people. \n\nIt sounds like you have a cynical view of a couple areas, and I've found the only remedy for cynicism is research and diving into the history of the subject you disbelieve or don't trust. Rather than seeking out someone that you believe is sane, I would maybe research what people diagnosed with different mental illnesses show as far as symptoms oraybe take the chance to work in mental health in order to get a comparison of abnormal vs normal behavior. Seeing what society deems as abnormal may help you see the basis for mental health diagnosis, why it exists, and that it isn't a hoax or part of a larger conspiracy fabricated and perpetuated by society. \nI hope this helps\n\nSource: I have been working in mental health since high school and currently work on an inpatient mental health floor and in an ED as a mental health professional. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7up0q3", "comment_id": "dtm6l0p"}, {"question": "Disagreement with \"Gaming Disorder\" Classification", "description": "WHO recently created a new disease classification, called \"Gaming Disorder.\" You can see their article for it online [here](http://www.who.int/features/qa/gaming-disorder/en/).\n\nI am concerned about this classification, because it appears to me that it was made by people who misunderstand what is actually going on. I am afraid that people will suffer from this misunderstanding, and will not receive the treatment they require to get better. Instead, many people (especially children) could be harmed by this.\n\nI am NOT a medical health professional. However, under this new classification, I would have been diagnosed with this illness several years ago, and I have since overcome this problem. Because of these experiences I have had, I have a very good understanding of why people, especially children, play video games too much. If you want to read about my experiences, please read the CONTEXT section bellow.\n\nFirst off, this illness is focused too much on video games. Yes, video game overuse is a problem, but I think that this illness should also include overuse of other forms of media, including social networks, texting, books, magazines, comics, television, and more. If a person uses ANY form of media to the point that they refuse to participate in life, they should be classified as having this illness. For instance, if a child refuses to go to school, and stays up late reading books, this would be an example of what I am talking about.\n\nSecond off, this illness should be renamed to be something like \"Escape Disorder,\" to show that it is not solely related to video games, and to better explain the cause of this disorder in its name.\n\nA person with this disorder, would be unwilling to participate in life, and instead would spend all of his or her time \"escaping\" through the use of his or her chosen media. The best way to help someone with this disorder, is NOT to take away their chosen media, as this will cause the person to become depressed due to them not having anything to do with their life. Instead, this person should be helped so that he or she can become more willing to participate in real life. If the person is able to participate in real life again, the person will STOP using the media too much. Because of this, I do not consider this an addiction!\n\nCONTEXT:\n\nNOTE: The purpose of this is section is not to spread anger at my family. I love my parents, and they love me. They feel just as terrible about how things happened as I do. We have since grown to understand each other better.\n\nWhen I was a kid, my mother was a doctor and would come home screaming at everyone due to stress. My dad was strict, trying to keep her happy, and in turn got mad at me for stupid things. I was young, and had no idea the things were stupid, and felt guilty/scared all the time. My parents got mad even if I got an A, because it wasn't an A+, saying I'm \"smart enough to do better.\" In school, I was a victim to systematic bullying ingrained in my class, and I was sitting alone every lunch in the corner of the cafeteria. I was very depressed, and my only escape was video games. Despite my good grades, games were taken from me, and I was barely able to play anything besides crap freeware games online or pirated things, because my parents thought I played them too much. Even then, they would get very mad at me if they caught anything on my computer. I was told that cartoons were stupid, and I should be ashamed if I liked them. I was told that pokemon is stupid, and that I was better without it. After my parents noticed me watching cartoons on TV, they blocked all those channels, only leaving me to watch PBS children's cartoons when I was way too old to even care for them in sixth grade. This further separated me from my classmates, as they would talk about the latest cartoons, movies, games, etc, and I would not be able to partake. This was made worse with the fact I have breathing issues, and was never able to compete in sports. When I finally got mental help for my depression and anxiety, my mother required me to let her sit with me in each visit (she would get mad at me later if I didn't), and she would always rant to the therapist about how \"everything I think about is Video Games\" and how evil they are. The doctor would then encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities with my classmates, and to \"make more friends\" at school. I would try these things, fail, and get more depressed. Wasn't until I got a head injury from a bully classmate that almost killed me, that my mother realized her mistake. We are all on good terms now, about 10 years later.\n\nI only got better, when I was given more access media like my classmates. After this, I started my slow recovery, and I eventually overcame my anxiety and depression. When this happened, I stopped playing games as much, because in the end, I would rather spend time doing things in real life than online if its possible.", "answer": "The reason for the focus on video games specifically is there has been a major upswing in the recent years of individuals experiencing major health problems or life set backs directly related to their addiction to video games. Research has suggested that video games, especially newer ones (this includes cell phone games as well) are specifically made with the purpose of creating an addiction and brain scans of folks with severe video game addictions are showing similar patterns to those with addictions to hard drugs.\n\n\nYou're right, anyone can become behaviorally addicted to escapist coping skills like tv, reading, table top games, etc. The key difference right now is that as far as the research goes, those things don't create as severe of a change in brain chemistry the way that video games do. There also haven't been as many documented cases of death or other major problems that can be directly related to these things in the ways that video games have. \n\n\nI'm a therapist and I love video games. I play MOBA's with friends a couple nights a week. I think video games can be great for teaching things, helping to socialize with people who live far away, but when misused, can cause really severe problems. This is why they classified this as a disorder. \n\n\nThe other main practical reason is that more and more people are seeking treatment specifically for video game addiction. If you want to use your health insurance for treatment, you need to be given a diagnosis related to that treatment. Classifying this as a disorder helps folks who want to use their insurance for treatment of video game addiction now can and don't have to pay 100's or 1000's of dollars out of pocket. \n\n\nI'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and it certainly doesn't sound like your parents handled your issues the right way at all. I wish things would have been better for you, but that doesn't mean because of your experience that this isn't a legitimate problem for many folks. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "97ojad", "comment_id": "e4apz9s"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "Here\u2019s an email I send friends...\n\nPractice Mindfulness: \n- Square breathing: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds\u2014repeat several times. \n- 4-5-6 breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, breathe out for 6 seconds.\n-reverse nostril breathing\u2014gently push down on one nostril. Breathing 3-5 cycles of deep breaths through the single open nostril. Then reverse and repeat while holding down the opposite nostril.\n- Imagine a soothing and calming color around you as a sort of protective bubble that keeps out other people\u2019s emotions or baggage. Say to yourself \u201cI let go of any stress I\u2019m carrying that does not belong to me.\u201d\n\nFocus on gratitude:\n- Sit down and write a list of all the things you are grateful for. Keep the list with you or on your phone or laptop so you can refer to it often when you\u2019re feeling stressed. Update it frequently \n-tie a gratitude practice into something you do everyday. For example everyday when you brush your teeth thank yourself for something you did the day before. It can be small...I didn\u2019t snap at my friend when he made a sarcastic comment yesterday...\n\nFocus on senses:\n- When you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, wear jewelry or accessories that make you feel good, wear cozy socks or a special scarf. Surround yourself with items that help you feel comfortable and soothed.\n-When you feel yourself getting agitated or irritable take some space. Go into a bathroom, run your hands under cold water, close your eyes and just focus on that sensation. Notice how the water feels on your hands, the temperature, can you imagine the taste or smell of it, can you hear it and it runs over your hands, do you see bubbles? Notice how the water moves\u2026\n-Go into another room and look for all the items in that room on the same color. These little distractions can help reset our mood.\n-try not to fight the anxiety. That will only make it much much worse. Let it be there. Accept it, be curious about it\u2026why is this coming up? What is my anxiety wanting me to pay attention to? What can I notice in how I\u2019m feeling\u2026. Just notice, no judgements!\n\nCarry a physical object with you:\n- Carry a small object that someone you really love gave to you. When you feel anxiety, grief, anger... building, hold this object in your hand and connect with how much love you have for that person and how much they love you. See yourself through this loved one\u2019s eyes and remind yourself of how strongly they care about you.\n- Wear an object that feels protective. Pretend it is magic and its superpower is to banish negativity from those around you. Hold it when you feel annoyed or overwhelmed and focus on the color of it, the texture of it\u2026and remind yourself it is there to protect you.\n-Progressive Muscle relaxation\u2014starting from your toes, working your way up your body slowly, tighten each muscle for 4 seconds, and then relax. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Make sure to do this with your jaw and scrunching eyes. We hold a surprising amount of tension here. As you\u2019re doing this think or say aloud \u201cI am preparing my body for calm and relaxing\u201d\n-listen for sounds and identify without judgment. This will give your brain a minor task to focus on to help is relax and not focus on anxiety. i.e. I hear a neighbor talking, car driving by, dog breathing...\n-keep a journal or notepad by your bed. If you find yourself stuck on to-do lists or trying to remember things, jot them down on the notepad. That way they are waiting for you tomorrow and you don\u2019t have to keep them in your head. Do a 5-10 min brain dump, and stream of consciousness-style, write down whatever is in your brain. It doesn\u2019t have to be full sentences or make sense. The goal is to empty your brain so it can fall asleep more easily \n-if you\u2019re struggling to fall asleep or be present in a moment because of the same thoughts or worries spiraling....imagine a container. Any kind of container, any color, and shape...use your imagination. Imagine what it would feel like if you touched it, what temperature would it be? How big? What\u2019s it made of? Then imagine yourself putting all your worries, fears, stressors in that container. Imagine yourself locking it and putting it aside in a \u2018safe space\u2019 in your mind. Knowing you can come back to those thoughts whenever you want, when you are more rested...", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef4atqx"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "f35xwqf"}, {"question": "Feel like I have cancer \ud83d\ude29", "description": "I found this collar bone lump like two days ago, it\u2019s been worrying me and I can\u2019t go to the doctors until 7th January, they\u2019re not available before that. Some people tell me it\u2019s normal bone anatomy but literally everything I search I don\u2019t find this bone. Look at this picture: https://ibb.co/jgfQ5N6 \nTell me it\u2019s normal bone \ud83d\ude29 it feels like bone, doesn\u2019t move and it\u2019s on my collarbone if not a part of it. I can\u2019t feel it on my other side, what if this is lymphoma?! Would lymphoma grow like that?!", "answer": "I noticed that you've made a lot of posts recently about various health concerns, as well as some symptoms of OCD-like fears when you were younger. It sounds like you could be dealing with health OCD, and are trying to get reassurance that there isn't anything wrong with you. The trap of health OCD is that no amount of reassurance can ever truly make us feel okay for long, because 1) nothing can ever give us 100% certainty that there isn't a problem, and 2) some new fear will always take its place. I linked a good article on health OCD (aka hypochondriasis) below, I'd recommend checking it out and seeing if it rings true to you. \n\n[http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it](http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it)", "topic": "HealthAnxiety", "post_id": "e8gvnu", "comment_id": "fac5btt"}, {"question": "I[18/M] started taking classes at a community college a couple of weeks ago, haven't hit it off with anyone. Any advice on starting a conversation and making friends in class.", "description": "I've been going through a lot lately. Ever since I graduated high school I've grown distant from a lot of my friends. I've been trying to take friends in class but I really don't even know how to start a conversation in class. On top of that there aren't many clubs so joining one is out of the question.\nI just don't know how to even start a conversation. I'd like to make friends in my history class for example but I don't know how to even begin a conversation. \"How about those Mesopotamians huh?\" That's just stupid.\nAlso, I have a math class and math tends to be a class I struggle with so I'd like to have a friend to study with, but it's been weeks and I haven't spoken a word to anyone in my class. Also, the class is small so everyone isolates themselves and I don't want to seem like a creep if I go up and sit next to them\nPlease give some advice to this pathetic sap\nAnyone else here been through a similar situation?", "answer": "chat with someone on a break and ask her out for coffee if it goes well.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wnox7", "comment_id": "dm9icu3"}, {"question": "social anxiety and gaming", "description": "I'm sitting here playing this game and someone on my friends list sends me a party invite so of course I have to lie and say I don't have a mic to avoid actually talking. They say we can play together anyways, which is awesome because I never get to play games with people but then they tell me to join the party so at least they can talk to me. I just turned off my console in shame and I feel so stupid. Why can't I just be social? I want to be, I don't like to be lonely. I can't even imagine what they must thinking, me just leaving mid text convo. I'll have to play offline for weeks now out of pure embarrassment and to avoid them asking questions. Anxiety won today. Just venting. ", "answer": "That's a big jump and one you didn't control or set up. Follow Dr. Leo Marvin's sage advice. Stay in the yellow zone and break that shit down into 26 steps. Step 1. Get a headset with a removable mic. Also step 1 play a new MMO where you don't care about the community but they are nice, like Rocket League. GL", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "72nz5n", "comment_id": "dnk4b9s"}, {"question": "Is it safe to consume alcohol while on sertraline?", "description": "I (male, 15, 5 foot 10\u201d, 190lbs), have recently started taking sertraline for my OCD, and I was just wondering if consuming alcohol will affect the results of the drug? I don\u2019t drink often, or heavily. \n\nOn the NHS website it says that it\u2019s fine, but that you could get drunk more easily.", "answer": "The NHS is accurate here. Alcohol doesn\u2019t directly interact, but sertraline can be a bit of a sedative and alcohol and this be more sedating more quickly.\n\nDrinking carefully and in moderation is fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i7xwmt", "comment_id": "g14wrza"}, {"question": "Will getting put on medication change me?", "description": "I don't know how to word it better than that. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI fucking hate my life I wake up sad I try and sleep as long as possible before I have to get up and do stuff I ruined the only relationship I've ever cared about.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI had the best academic semester of college of my life. I'm making insane money for a college student working a serving job. I'm hitting my physical fitness goals and i'm still just empty and sad. So I think I have to get medication if I want to get better. I'm finally going to the doctor on Tuesday after fighting it for some large side of 3-4 years.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nBut i'm scared. I'm not gonna lose my drive or something am I its not gonna make me some slack off in the gym or school or work will it? seems ridiculous but that scares me more than being perpetually sad.", "answer": "Medication isn\u2019t as scary as it sounds. A lot of anti depressants act more to stabilize your mood and may help to give you more energy. I\u2019ve been taking antidepressants since I was a child and they have helped me a lot.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "bq009k", "comment_id": "enzgvpo"}, {"question": "Was just prescribed cipro for kidney infection and worried about the crazy side effects.", "description": "I am a relatively healthy (27m, 180 lbs) white male that had a UTI advance to a kidney infection and was just prescribed Cipro. I have read up on it and it seems pretty dang scary. Permanently damaging tendonitis, neurological problems, detached retinas etc. I have pretty high health related anxiety. Just wanted some statistics to ease my mind or advice to stay away. Thanks! ", "answer": "You should worry more about an untreated kidney infection than the side effects from the antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "571qam", "comment_id": "d8p9n5z"}, {"question": "Colpocephaly?", "description": "Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with colpcephaly. My GP can't even pronounce it and I'm being taken to hospital to study for all of next week.\n\nThe only relatives I have that I can ask are either dead or demented beyond asking or not willing to talk about it (mother). I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but now after combing the limited info on the internet this makes so much more sense.\n\nI was born 8 weeks premature in 1985 with water in the brain. My parents were told to take photos and say goodbye. That's all I know ... And I've been mostly healthy until 18 months ago when I started having seizures, migranes and general motor issues. It's destroying my life. I can barely work and I can't do anything about disability cos the doctors can't agree what is wrong lol. \n\nSo if anyone knows anything I'd love to hear it! I do not have epilepsy. Beyond that who knows.", "answer": "If you're having recurrent seizures, what makes you say that it is not epilepsy?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jis28", "comment_id": "dz00pel"}, {"question": "[school]I'm at uni now, with 1 more year left to go. I feel completely burned out and have no idea what to do next.", "description": "I have posted something [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/42950u/advice_should_i_pursue_postgraduate_studies/) but did not get any response.\n\nBut let me begin from the start. I am currently in law school. It's an American style law in the sense that I'm not going to graduate with a JD, nor it is my second degree. Law in my country (Malaysia) is taught in first degree i.e. LLB. This course is four year long. But to be successfully admitted into this course, we need to attend a preparatory class for 1 year, pass that, and you land yourself in 1st year of LLB. As of now, I am in the 3rd year of the course, that means, I have spend 4 years in this Uni.\n\nAnd I think, I can't stand this lifestyle any more. It is so exhausting. I really don't see the point of studying here. We have a very Asian model of education, that means, very less interactive study, more mindless mugging of legal jargon, which only seems to increase as time goes by.\n\nI don't feel very positive about this. Heck, I don't feel like I'm even learning. This makes me think that perhaps I'm less fit to be pursuing a career as a lawyer. But there's still time to decide on that later.\n\nMy question now is that, 1) should I take a break in my studies, and take a year long break, and do something else? Have anyone done this before? How is your experience? 2) What should I do after my studies? What else can I do if I don't want to enter the legal field. What are other options available for me? Preferably, I would like to work in the creative industry. Can I still work there, considering, I don't have an arts / business / marketing background?\n\nThank you for taking time reading this, and do share below, if you an advice, or had similar experiences. ", "answer": "1) My concern would be that if you took a break, then decided to continue school, you would look back on the exhaustive work you did to get out and never gain the motivation to start that up again. 2)I am not sure what classes you have taken nor am I familiar if credits would carry into another degree outside of law. That is something you have to look into. \n\nThink about your future. Imagine yourself as a lawyer. Do you like the view you see? Does it make you feel proud? If so then perhaps continuing is not such a bad idea. Do you not like the view? Does it not interest you? Then find something that gives you that spark and follow it. There is time to change your path. There is always time so do not pressure yourself. If it helps, when I was in graduate school to become a therapist, at times it felt as if it was dragging on and that I was not even learning anything. Now, I'm surprised when knowledge comes to mind that I did not remember learning. What I'm saying is, school can be a drag. It should be a drag. If it was easy then everyone would be lawyers!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46info", "comment_id": "d05jxxd"}, {"question": "HIV test result accuracy 4years after exposure?", "description": "Sex\\- Male\n\nAge\\- 20\n\nWeight\\- 68kg\n\nOk so i had my one time unprotected sexual exposure roughly around 4 years ago. 3.5years after my exposure i did a Hiv Ag/Ab combo test which was thankfully negative. Since my exposure i have not had any sexual exposure. Then again last week i did another hiv test which was also thankfully negative \\(4years after exposure\\) and 10months after my first test.\n\nMy question and WORRY is that can i be safe and sure the test RESULTS was accurate? i am worried since i did the test like 4 years after exposure maybe it could have affected it, due to doing test 4 years later?? do hiv antibodies remain forever in an infected person? would anything affect the test results or should i not worry about it and why?\n\nThanks", "answer": "No test is 100%, but you\u2019ve been tested twice and HIV tests are designed to over- and not under-recognize infection. You are almost certainly in the clear.\n\nYou don\u2019t explicitly bring it up, but you imply that after a long time the test might not be as good. Since untreated HIV can only get worse, a test years later is only going to be more able to detect the virus if it\u2019s there.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i5qt8", "comment_id": "dypaepf"}, {"question": "I got poisoned! HELP! 22[M]", "description": " someone broke into my house and poisoned me, I know I have something under my skin because the person that did it told me so. What do I do to get it out of my system? Where do I go and what do I say? I know for sure I have something in me that keeps ruining my body but have no idea how to get it out. They said that I have tattoos under my skin that keep aging me also that drinking water is bad for me. I can feel my organs under stress and I'm also restless all the time, I can feel something like a heartburn sometimes, and I used to vomit in the morning occasionally but now I don't. I got poisoned twice, one time around a half a year ago and a second time around three weeks ago.\n\nI am 22 years old male 180 cm in height I have schizophrenia currently taking 15 mg olanzapine and have no other medical problems", "answer": "I think helpful advice has been given and this is turning into an argument instead. Closing the discussion.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ealjks", "comment_id": "favu82b"}, {"question": "How late is acceptable?", "description": "My appointment was at 10 and it\u2019s almost 10:40. First initial appointment. Is this normal?", "answer": "15 minutes max. That's generally what clients I work with are told. If they are more than 15 minutes late, I won't see them and they'll be charged the no show fee. \n\n\nIf there's ever a time I'm more than 15 minutes late due to an emergency or something, they're given one get out of jail free card essentially where I won't charge them for running late. Same things goes with cancelling within less than 24 hours. If I ever have to do it to a client which is extremely rare, they get a pass the next time they do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bdvdjl", "comment_id": "el1seiq"}, {"question": "Where to start when searching for affordable therapists?", "description": "I am tired of living like this. I've made the decisions to try and get professional help. But, I'm not sure where to start when trying to find affordable therapists. Do I go through my healthcare to find one? Do I just start googling therapists around me? Also, to those who do go to therapy, is it hard to find one that you are comfortable with? Any help would be appreciated. I feel like this is a huge step in my life, and want to get better. Thank you.", "answer": "If you have health insurance, this will definitely be your cheapest option. Start there. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3m55fb", "comment_id": "cvc935q"}, {"question": "Finally dealing with my mental illness.", "description": "Hey people! I'm a 20 year old female who suffered from the passing of my dad 4 years ago. Within that time I've gained over 45lbs and have been sucked into a deep pit of anxiety. Making a very long story short, I had a very eye opening talk with my mother, and she has finally gotten me to see a doctor about my mental health issues. I took to reddit hoping to get some advice on my visit to my new/first doctor tomorrow. Thanks for reading, hope to hear advice. :-) ", "answer": "Psychiatrist here. Advice is to be completely honest (about yourself and the doctor!), keep an open mind on treatment options, and (assuming that it's directly related to the bereavement) keep realistic about your expectations - it's about being in control over the loss rather than the loss controlling you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "577fgb", "comment_id": "d8qmgge"}, {"question": "Help making conversation", "description": "I'm a college student here and I just can't seem to keep a conversation going. I can easily walk up to someone, say hi, and start a conversation, but I have a hell of a lot of trouble keeping it going. I can never find common ground, and when I do, the topic runs dry fast. Any help?", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) should be right up your alley :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "16xpo7", "comment_id": "c80hrbo"}, {"question": "What is an anger disorder for an adult? I keep seeing oppositional Defiance disorder but it seems to relate around kids. Does it affect adults as well?", "description": "My dad has always had a very quick temper and yells and screams and makes a big deal out of nothing. I've been out of his house for 10 years but he still wants to remain in contact with me but he has not changed his attitude. Any other anger disorders that I can bring to his attention?", "answer": "There isnt really one as anger tends to be a symptom of something else. ODD is a pretty sketchy diagnosis at the best of times too. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "akzd1t", "comment_id": "efac3dd"}, {"question": "State Mental Health Budget Cuts", "description": "I work as a House Manager at a group home in Missouri which provides services to kids and young adults with a myriad of behavior issues and developmental disabilities. Budget cuts are hitting hard and will very soon be affecting the amount of staff we can have at any given time to support these clients. I need help, who can I contact and what can I do to make my voice and those that I work with/for heard?", "answer": "Contact anyone and everyone. Contact your mayor, governor, your state representatives, your US senators, and your US representative. And see if you can find any grants. In these times- searching high and low and being relentless and risking being annoying is your best bet.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gaacs", "comment_id": "caieawz"}, {"question": "Is it right to give positive reinforcement when someone says they haven't been self-harming?", "description": "I volunteer with a suicide/emotional support charity that receives emails. Each volunteer receives the next email that hasn't been answered rather than the person in need being assigned to any number of people. A person I volunteer with approached me about an email I sent in which I expressed that it is a good thing that the person in need has managed to stop themselves from self-harming. Their problem was that if I express that we find it positive that they are not self-harming, if they start to self-harm again they won't tell us because they think we will be disappointed. \n\nIs it wrong that, as a general rule, I have given positive reinforcement when people don't do negative behaviours like this? Would a therapist do the same?", "answer": "Positive reinforcement is about increasing a behavior. It may be helpful to reinforce the coping skill , rather than focus on the absence of a behavior. For example, if someone didn't cut because they went for a walk, journaled, or called a friend, you could reinforce this behavior because this is what it sounds like you want to increase.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8v4y6", "comment_id": "fopsghd"}, {"question": "I Need Help with a Girl.", "description": "Hey guys this is my first time posting and a throw away account but I'll give this a try:) (sorry for length) \nA little background. Ok so I'm a 17 year old male in high school. I have only had 1 girlfriend and that was 8th grade. Withought being cocky or anything I feel I have to mention that I am one of the most popular people in my school and I've been told by many girls I'm by far the most attractive guy in my school (1,500 people in my Hs) but, I am an introvert. So I like to be alone a lot, I don't have any problem talking to girls but I just don't much. Anyway, I'm very odd in the fact that I can pretty much have any girl I want but I don't have any of them because I don't want them haha. Long story short, I now have the reputation of being very \"Hot\" but I'm not interested in girls, which atleast in my school is true. Until a certain lady moved to my school a few months ago and I can't get her off my mind. This is probably bad story telling so if people respond I'll clarify but really me question is what do I do? Literally every girl likes me, and I can feel stare at me a lot EXCEPT her, like the only girl I care about noticing me, I don't think she does. I'll make a move if I get a signal Bc she is talkin to someone right now and I don't want to mess that up for her for no reason. Anyway, I don't want to go in depth because I prolly won't get a response but if I do I will clarify I few things! Thanks guys:)", "answer": "Just ask her out like a human being would. Try not to over-awe her with your amazingness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694xoc", "comment_id": "dh3so55"}, {"question": "What to eat to lose weight with PCOS", "description": "I currently weigh 252, down from 283, but I still have ways to go. I was wondering what kind of things you guys eat to lose weight in a healthy way. I exercise about everyday as well.\nThanks!!!!", "answer": "Broccoli, Cauliflower and pretty much all vegetables\nBaked fish\nPork\nEggs in all forms (omelettes, hard boiled, scrambled)\nNuts in reasonable serving sizes\n1 serving of fruit a day (or 2 maximum); try to avoid watermelon / melons because it's just mostly sugar. \n\n\nI avoid: beef (in Chinese medicine this isn't good for people with PCOS), dairy, and rice, bread, pasta.\nFor some reason I also heard that mung beans aren't good for people with PCOS. \n\nI started taking inositol and drink ginger tea (again, another chinese medicine thing, but ginger tea is yummy either way). I'm considering increasing the amount of cinnamon I eat, but I need to investigate this more first.\n\n... Of course, I've only done this for about a week, so I don't know if it'll give me results yet, but this is what I'm trying. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3li5vf", "comment_id": "cv6knko"}, {"question": "What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)", "description": "# What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)\n\n***Good Day to everyone in this website, I need advice regarding what I can do with my degree***\n\nI'm a young college student with aspirations to eventually hold some sort of office in the future(Local/State). I know I can pursue law with a political science degree, But is there anything else I should be aware of? Sometimes a get anxious because I feel like if the law path doesn't work out for me, ill be stuck with a degree useless for the job market. in other words, I don't have a plan B. What should I do? should a minor in business administration? Any advice, criticisms ,etc is acceptable", "answer": "Pretty much every college has some sort of a career center. Go check it out and see if you can meet with an advisor or counselor about it! They can help you come up with different types of jobs, help you analyze what you're good at, and help you plan out what future steps you should take. There's a gazillion jobs out there that most people have never even heard of. \n\nRemember also - an academic major is not a conveyor belt directly into a certain kind of job. There's lots of careers out there that don't require a specific major, they just want to know that you can handle college-level thinking and work. I recommend checking out some job fairs early on in your college career just to see who's hiring and what's in demand.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d8936k", "comment_id": "f18jyzr"}, {"question": "Is it weird or creepy to bring up things that you remember about a person you're talking to?", "description": "There have been a few times when I'm talking to someone, and I mention something that they told me some time ago. I don't just bring it out of the blue, but for example, if we're talking about college, I'll say something like \"You want to major in mechanical engineering, right?\" Sometimes they appreciate me remembering but other times I get a weird look and a quick \"yeah.\" \n\nJust recently I was texting a girl. About 2 days before she posted on her Snapchat story that she was on a road trip. She had gotten back when I was texting her, so I asked her how her trip was, but I got no reply. Was it weird to ask that?\n", "answer": "I think it's a great thing! It shows you've been paying attention and care enough about the person to commit a detail about them to memory. \n\nHowever, especially with younger people, social media transcending into real life can feel a little awkward. Like, people spend so much time on social media and love people to acknowledge their posts and things, but I don't know if I've ever heard someone take something that has happened on social media and then begin a conversation about it in person. I'm not saying it's wrong inherently, but society as a whole is still figuring out how to navigate their online and real lives, so it could be a slight faux pas. One way to make the transition a little easier might be to phrase your comment like \"hey I saw on (whatever social media) that you did such and such, how was it?\" \n\nBut to answer your question, I don't think you did anything wrong and if she decided from that one single interaction that she didn't like you anymore, than that's petty as fuck. If she had in fact lost interest, it was due to a combination of things over time or maybe she was never that interested in the first place. If someone I liked asked me about something I posted on social media, I would love it - faux pas or not. \n\nDon't stress about it too much, you're overthinking! \n\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6p8mbo", "comment_id": "dknz7p2"}, {"question": "Alcoholism in males vs in females", "description": "I hope this isn't the wrong sub. It's not a question about symptoms I have, but it is the kind of question I think would best be answered by a doctor. I don't see any rules regarding this and there aren't any other subs that seem to suit the question better.\n\nSo, from what I've read online, men are twice as likely to become alcohol-dependent as women. I'm assuming this fact is based on stats of alcoholics who have sought help, or else we wouldn't know about them.\n\nWhen I look at my friends, acquaintances, people I came into contact with at college, and people I see online on social media, though, it seems like there are a lot more females who are really, really into alcohol than males. They don't talk about it like they think it's so bad, but listening to what they say, it's obvious they have some issues with drinking. I'm not sure I know any men who are heavy drinkers, whereas more than half of the women I know drink very heavily. I know these observations are anything but scientific and can be influenced by a plethora factors, but I figure every study must start somewhere.\n\nCould it be as I have observed? Could there be more alcoholism in females, with underreported cases, perhaps due to personality or social norms? Or could it be, again because of factors such as personality or social norms, that women are more likely to be open about their drinking habits? Or am I just ridiculously biased?\n\nI'd also be interested in knowing whether there are any physiological factors that result in differences between how men and women handle alcohol or become alcohol-dependent, which may or may not even shed light on the subject I brought up.\n\nThanks so much, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub for this sort of thing!", "answer": "Your observations are sound (though as you say, not scientific). Men tend to be higher risk, but theres a latent group of female alcoholics that are just not accessing addiction services.\n\nAlcohol prevalence differs from country to country, dependent on legality and culture, as well as genetic predisposition (ethnicity, familt history). The price of alcohol also has a significant bearing on rates. In Scotland, we suffer some of the highest rates of alcoholism in Europe, compounded by cheap alcohol. Minimum unit pricing will help with this.\n\nMen and women are affected differently, primarily because of the differences in body fat/fluid proportions, amongst other things.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51ddj5", "comment_id": "d7bd315"}, {"question": "[23/F] Husband [24/M] talking to girls and lying about it.", "description": "I'm [23/F], I recently caught my husband [24/M] sending texts and calling girls - no problem. Problem is he is going to great lengths to delete each text and call from the log (not deleting to save space - leaving old texts from months ago on there, immediately deleting texts from these girls). \n\nMy question is, is there ever a reason you would do this that doesn't mean I'm being cheated on? I directly asked him if he was doing it before ever checking his phone, and he denied it. I checked his phone only as final evidence, and caught him. I already caught him in that lie. How can I trust him that nothing is going on, if I know he directly lied to my face about that?\n\nMen of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\n**tl;dr: husband sending texts and calling girls, deleting logs and texts, asked him about it, he lied.**", "answer": "> Men of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\nYep. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "yfpqj", "comment_id": "c5v4ma4"}, {"question": "Perfusionist?", "description": "So I've looked around and found the perfusionist career but I'm wondering how long it takes to become a perfusionist? Does it take 4 years of undergrad then 4 years of the perfusionist program or what?", "answer": "[Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfusionist) seems to give a reasonable account of what's expected to become a perfusionist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53azrg", "comment_id": "d7rm285"}, {"question": "I'm in art school.", "description": "I suffer with depression and apparently so does everyone here. So I'm told. But why is it so hard for me to notice that? They're just so good at faking it? Bottling it up during school? Why is my depression spilling to the surface and onto my facial expressions? Why is it affecting what I say and how I say it? Why can't I fake it? I unload all my negativity out on everything.\n\nIt almost feels like a competition now, that they're better at being depressed than me. \n\nI'm also told that it will last forever and I should just learn to live with it. And sometimes I'm convinced that's true and start thinking that without depression, I won't be able to do art. \n\nSometimes I have periods of remission where I start to eat well, begin to exercise and wake up early. I know if I stuck to it maybe I'd feel better. It does help. But it only lasts a few days until my next trigger of bad emotions. Whether it's a fight with my husband or an emotional breakdown due to anxiety. After that I just feel numb, like right now. And contemplate suicide. All while I think what a joke I am compared to every other depressed person at my school. It's just a never ending cycle that can't break. I'm so exhausted. \n", "answer": "One of the biggest fallacies that so many young artists of all mediums seem to have is that mental illness is needed for creativity or artistic talent. There are plenty of famous artists that had severe mental illness, this is true. There are also plenty that didn't have any substantial mental illness. The ones with were not talented because they had mental illness. They were talented in spite of it. \n\nSevere depression doesn't always last forever. For those that have a severe chemical imbalance (which is not the majority of those who do experience depression) they will have to learn to cope and will likely need medication consistently if they want to avoid serious bouts in the future. For most people that experience depression, they can overcome it through therapy and life-style changes. \n\nThe hardest part about being a therapist is not the actual work that we do with clients or having to learn and maintain all we know about psychology. The hardest part is day in and day out being around hurting people. That is why from the beginning of our training we learn the overall importance of self-care and how to separate ourselves from overly negative environments, at least to be able to come up for air occasionally. Make sure you find a way to do that with your school and find a way to spend a good amount of time around happy and healthy people as well. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com) ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "731ce0", "comment_id": "dnmwouz"}, {"question": "Starting the new year off by taking antidepressants for the first time!", "description": "Hey y\u2019all, I (24F) am starting Wellbutrin/Bupropion. Does anyone have any words of advice? The pharmacist said with or without food, do you recommend taking with a meal? I\u2019m starting on 150XR. Thanks in advance! Happy 2020!", "answer": "Sounds like a good way to start off the new year. Here's some things to keep in mind:\n\n1. Start off taking it with meals to see if you can tolerate okay (one common side effect is nausea). It also helps you get into a dosing schedule, which is super important. Breakfast time is usually best especially when starting a new medication (so you aren't having major side effects after a dose before bed). Remember, consistency is key with dosing medications: you want to try and take it around the same time every day. \n\n2. Be mindful of side effects. You can look them up or ask your pharmacist for a sheet. Common ones for Wellbutrin are nausea and loss of appetite. There are some more uncommon ones like headaches and dizziness. Until you have a general idea how it affects you be mindful of your activities\n\n3. Antidepressants can cause a short term introduction or increase in suicidal ideation. It is temporary but can suck. Keep your doctor and other professionals in the loop if this occurs for you.\n\n4. Antidepressants help take the edge off your symptoms but do not necessarily eliminate them. Pairing medication use with other interventions like therapy, exercise, healthier diet, and social interaction will maximize the impacts of the medication. It also helps you remain less reliant on it for relief. Don't forget good sleep hygiene too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiiyd9", "comment_id": "fcqpy7u"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom. It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\" \n \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\" - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do. \n \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on? These comments are HORRENDOUS. But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "cctaahu"}, {"question": "SO is suffering a mental illness", "description": "Just a heads up, I am going to talk about how I didn't think depression was real.\n\n\n\n\n**Backstory:**\nHi. I recently found out that my fiance is suffering from a depression. I didn't think depression existed because it was never in my life. I always thought people could just not be sad. And whenever I heard someone talk about depression the symptoms just sounded like regular emotions that everyone experienced and I thought they just needed to \"Get Over It\". I know that's terrible and I am so sorry I ever thought that. But I was an ignorant kid.\n\n\nBut now depression has entered my life through my SO. I still don't understand it. She explains how she feels emotions like shame and guilt constantly and struggles to find meaning in life. She used to be able to hide it from me. For years she would break down out of sight, like \"go for a walk\" and come back a few hours later. I know she was anorexic growing up so I thought long walks were just a habit she developed as a kid and that she just liked walking now. (She is a healthy weight now, she was upfront about anorexia so I could keep an eye out with her for relapse)\n\n\n**Whats Happening Now:**\n\nShe has started an anti-depressants and therapy. She seems to enjoy and look forward to therapy. But she is feeling ashamed of needing drugs. Her mood seems to have increased but it's only been a couple months so I don't know if it's progress or if she is just having a good few months and will crash later.\n\nWe recently had a conversation where she explained her feelings. It was a lot of guilt and shame. She is also convinced that she is abusive to me, when she absolutely is not.\n\nShe is a great person but is convinced she isn't. She has an amazing job, we have a nice place, we aren't \"rich\" but we don't have money troubles, and she has lots of friends/family that love her. \n\nI'm so confused. I don't understand depression at all. The feelings she is having seem to be coming from no where. \n\n**Why I'm Here:**\n\nI really just wanted to write all of this down to kind of wrap my head around how I feel about this. I started just writing it in notepad and realized that if I was going that far I might as well post it to see if anyone had any advice or had been in a similar situation and could explain what is going on.\n\nSo if anyone can shed any light on what I can do to help, or even just not make it worse. That would be greatly appreciated. \n\nThanks for reading and giving me a place to share.\n\nEdit: I'm in the USA.", "answer": "This is a really well thought out post. I'm sorry your SO is going through all of this. Depression really sucks and as you now can see IS much different from generally feeling sad. \n\nThe decision to enter therapy and even to take meds is an incredibly courageous one. There's still such a ridiculous stigma surrounding mental health in our country that to say \"Ya know what. I don't care about that. I'm going to do what I need to help myself.\" takes a lot of strength. \n\nAs her SO, keep this in mind always. You can help her, but there's nothing you can do to \"fix\" her. She is responsible for her own recovery and is also responsible for the actions she takes that may be influenced by her illness. \n\nWhat you can be is loving, supportive, motivating, without being a push-over or enabler. \n\nI hope this helps some and good luck to you and your SO!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xt919", "comment_id": "dub27ua"}, {"question": "dressing as a goth - do therapists hate it?", "description": "do they pick and choose whom to come down on for this? because some hate \"cute smiles\" or some such?", "answer": "Why would someone who has never met or even seen you have an \u201cinnate grudge\u201d. Against what?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f15m7u", "comment_id": "fh96m9z"}, {"question": "Doeth ADHD cause you to need more sleep ?", "description": "Just read an article on REM and NREM sleep, so they both sort experiences during the day that you did, so it sorts away stuff that is not necessary, and sorts in stuff that is necessary, considering that ADHD makes you take in more stuff, whetever you want it or not, unfiltered experiences, wouldn't that mean you'd need more sleeep? \n\nSorry if stupid question.", "answer": "I get way more sleep than normal when unmedicated. I can flat out sleep for 12 hours every single night. \n\nI put it down to coping though. My brain learnt that when I am overwhelmed sleeping is a good way to kind of reset. So when I am unmedicated I'm always overwhelmed and I sleep lots.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwna36", "comment_id": "f7kqmzp"}, {"question": "6 Months of Sobriety - Starting my life over again @ 31 years old", "description": "I am a 31 year old male living in the okanagan and want to share my story, the good, bad and gruesome. This account is a throw-away for obvious reasons as i am going to share something extremely personal and something i had hoped would never come to light, Hopefully this will help someone stay sober as the results of extreme binge drinking will become evident here. I am using a VPN and TOR to upload these pictures to protect my future from my past. \n\n \n\n\nNever imagined it would be possible for me to get to 6 months of sobriety, i had resigned to being an alcoholic and thought if i could just drink myself to death i would not have to deal with any of the repercussions. I worked up in northeastern BC on the Alberta boarder my entire life, the oil boom made sure i was never wanting for work. Three years ago my drinking was out of control but i could function, i ended up getting a 3rd DUI after sitting in my car in the parking lot of a bar laying out rails of cocaine, i wasn't done drinking but i knew i would get cut off soon if i didn't have some resemblence of a human being. I drove a old peice of shit car miled out and never maintained, it was unreliable. I had a \"jump\" battery pack i used in place of the actual battery as the alternator failed to produce enough power to keep the vehicle charged, or i had a drain. I had chalked up two lines on my center console before a undercover pulled infront of me and lit up. i quickly brushed the cocaine onto the floor and threw the baggies i had in the passanger footwell (it was a rolling garbage can, shit all over) i got picked up with \"Due care and control\" of being in a running vehicle.\n\n \n After this i couldn't make it to work anymore and conseqently lost my job, seeing as cocaine was so cheap and i was a responsible adult i had virtually no money left. This halted my drinking but i started to get chest pains so i went to the doctor and was advised to cut back on the drink then quit. what he said scared me enough it worked, for 113 days i was sober. During that short stint i got a job, was praised for my work ethic and made real progress. I worked at a BCHydro Substation for three months, subcontracted out as a equipment operator.\n\nI met a old oldboy welder named Norm F. who i still think to this day was sent by my higher power, his hands we're gnarled and unlike anything i had ever seen, he said he welded for years without gloves. We got to talking and got on the subject of sobriety, he told me his story of being an alcoholic, losing his wife and kids with his fasination for the bottom of a Royal Reserve whiskey bottle. In the short amount of time i had known him i found him to be genuine and kind almost to a fault. He was an AA Sponcer and suggested i go to a meeting or two, i agreed but secretly thought i had it under control thus i never followed through. \n\nHe had convinced me to go back to school and pick up a trade, natually i went with welding as i enjoy building things. During school my life was going so well and it held so much promise that i figured it would not hurt to reward myself after my first week with a 6 pack, as you can guess over the following 7 months of school it became routine again. I ended up completeing my course with an average test score of 93%, would of been higher if some of the questions were not wrong. After school i got a job at a Welding/Fab shop in my town, 90% of welding is fabrication and fit, not something they teach you in school so the learning curve was massive. I started at 18$ an hour (average starting wage for around here) and was promised a 2$ raise in a few months, i worked with a short,insecure and aggresive shop forman who would shittalk the employees to the boss on a regular basis.\n\n \nI found this to be routine and ignored it as common workplace practice for him. Over the following 10 months of working there i had my welding machines fucked with and my fabrication jobs very vague in detail. Small mistakes became end of the world scenario's, by this time i was drinking everyday after work, 12 beers of strong beer or more. Would come in the morning and reek like booze but never noticed, my jobs started to entitle less welding/fabrication and more gathering and cutting material, cleaning and the like. My raise was continiously put off for months on end. \n\n \nOne day me and another student from my class who was working there went out to a shut down rig with the owner of the welding company to do some welding. Soon as we got there i was told by the owner \"You are not getting a raise yet\", oblivious to the reasoning and again rather than welding i was brought to do 90% of the prep work for the other employee. I had left a tool in the snow and got chewed out by the boss for this, how other people would get fired for this at other shops etc, during the ass chewing and jerks back, rails me in the face with his fist and falls flat on his ass. He appologies profusely, he slipped on a rig mat under the snow (metal with snow = slippery). So needless to say i had a very shitty day, went home and drank till i blacked out, called in to work saying i was \"Sick\" and was told not to come back, he will call when i can come back. After a week or so of drinking everyday till i blacked out i had twisted the story into a full out assualt in my mind and he was the enemy and it was law (i dont know about this) that you had to give a raise after 6 months. \n \nI got a phonecall and came in, a new guy had started and i just ended it right then and there. Said i quit, he was pleased and quickly wrote my hours down in my log book and stamped it. During this time my car had completely ceased to work and had cracked something to the point oil was on the headers. I had no way to get to work even if i had work, thank god i lived 5 blocks from the liquor store, i floated on what i had left and drank for a solid 3-4 months before i went looking for work. First place i went to was another welding/fab shop and was hired right off the bat no need to check references. (oil boom, yay!) \n\n\nI was tested out in the fab shop with yet another, small bitter angry old man with the same name as my last shop forman, this guy was a raging alcoholic. He rode me trying to belittle me as much as possible as not to \"Outshine him\" i guess, he lacked any welding tickets. After a few altercations he gave me space and respect, from there i was given more responsibility and outside service for the first time. Learning curve was steep, i had rig tool pushes (rig formans) yelling at me constantly because i was charged out at 140$ an hour. this created a very stressful environment and consequently more alcohol, i was always on call for this job since rigs run 24 hours a day. I would get calls from my boss (who was a great guy to work for) but be too shitfaced to pick up and do what i know he was calling me to do. \n\n\nThis went on for about 4-5 months before my drinking became all consuming, i was always sick... i feigned of all things stomach cancer. And got him to lay me off, i got my Welfare/EI cheques and started drinking constantly. for almost 8 months I drank till i blacked out, and passed out on my mattress in my shitty trailer with my shitty life. grief, remorse and failure consumed me and made me isolate avoiding family and being visibly angry at the presence of anyone i never expected. My shitbox trailer became a shameful sanctuary away from the hateful world which i refused to participate in, it was falling apart around me and i never gave a shit because it didn't matter. i had a 60oz bottle of vodka in the freezer and Maceroni and Cheese, it was a good day today and thats how i lived, tunnel vision. \n\n\nDuring my 8 months of drinking i had burned through all the employment insurance time i was allotted and stopped paying bills (like land tax/home insurance/Medical/Pad Rent/Morgage, i paid for internet, electricity and utilities) it came to the point that i had to pay or get evicted. My father came in and co-signed in the morgage and linked our accounts. my main account was overdrafted $-1200.00 at this point and i had bills to pay. at first i put my fathers account into overdraft just enough to cover the pad rent/morgage while i looked for work, i talked myself into needing a few drinks to loosen up before calling about a job. I started again, and decided to drink myself to death and during this time i had maxxed out my fathers account. He only noticed when the bank called him about a $-2,974.00 overdraft on his account. \n\n\nThis was just in the beginning of december last year, i was confronted about the massive overdraft and the results we're admitting i had a drinking problem and to seek help. i tried stopping but got sick, i tried cutting back but it didn't work anymore i couldn't control myself, a week later i was asked if i wanted to ride with my father and go 1100km south to have christmas with my mother. i was reluctant at first knowing it would be very tough but i figured maybe i could stop for two weeks and then tough it out again when i get back and get it \"under control\" I agreed. \n\n\nDecember 18th the day before we leave i figured this was going to be it, so i will drink all i have left and then sleep 90% of the way there. I drank a 40oz bottle of alberta pure vodka and blacked out early afternoon, in the morning my father pulled up in his white dodge and knocked on my door. I wake up angry because i am confused, i see him and remember. He doesn't say a word after looking at me through the window of the door, and walks back to his truck. I do my morning blitz/routine and put on my shoes to follow, i get in the truck and pass out again thinking 20 seconds of mouthwash (that i swallowed) would mask any evidence of last nights activity. \n\n\ni brought no clothes or presents with me because it never even occured to me through the haze. My father said nothing about it and we left with me sleeping in the passenger seat, I had no idea at the time that this was actually a rescue mission. i woke up about 5-6 hours later half way there and realised my mistake, but never said anything. my old man just happened to turn off the highway to get a coffee shortly after i woke up. \n\n\nWe arrived at my mothers and was greeted with outstreched arms, the first few days i got sick then better. we talked about my drinking problem and i laid out my plan which would have NEVER worked, she asked me to stay 1 month and go to a rehab program. i balked at the idea internally, i figured i just needed a 2 week break to get ontop of it. I was planning on turning it down and going back up north with my old man when he returned. \n\n\nThen i got a call from a very close family friend around my age, he got addicted to fentynal (opiate) and was doing a 9 month rehab program that he was 2 months into. I had seen him shortly before when he was in the hospital for a 2nd attempt at taking his own life. A husk of a human, broken and dead, but over the phone i could physically feel his relief and enthusiasm it was like he was sending positive energy through the phone and it changed how i was feeling. We talked for some time and he convinced me to stay and accept effectively saving my life. i went through rehab down here, went to AA meetings and was blown away with the kindness and understanding of these perfect strangers, I could see myself in everyone's story. \n\n\nI stayed down here for 3 months before i headed back up north, but this time it was to gather my belongings and clean out my trailer for sale. When i got within 100km of my old home town i felt the old familiar weight, when i got back to my trailer and [saw how i was living it was a mindfuck.](http://imgur.com/a/pV9JB) How could i feel this is all i deserved? How was i ok with this? I started cleaning everything out, 3-4 truckloads of shit hauled away before i had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I could not handle looking back on my previous life, i could not disassociate it with myself and i couldn't understand how i never saw it or chose to ignore it. \n\n\nI have been down here for 187 days now and i have got back my life back, i have sent out dozens of resumes however with no references for obvious reasons, i only got one call back for a fabricator position and i had a trial period in which i was never welding nor fabricating, just monkey/labour work. Never got a call back, so i guess they got two days of free labour. I just returned from my old home town after signing the papers to put it up for sale however the oil slump will effectively leave me with nothing, but good riddance. My Life is on the up and up, i am looking forward to finding work and earning enough to start a small one person business in the not-so-distant future. I have hope now, something which i forgot about and to live life without it again is unthinkable to me. \n\n\nI know there is going to be someone out there that will see this and think only about the differences between us, but i ask that you stop and count the differences and the similarities. Which had the bigger number? you might never go down as fast as i did but make no mistake, we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful.\n\n\nTL:DR Lost job #1 Got sober, went to school got a trade, started drinking again, spiraled out of control, lost job #2. lost job #3. Drank Harder, stole from family. Drank more. Went to mothers for the holidays. Got a new life for christmas. ", "answer": "The seriousness of addiction cannot be overstated. It is life or death. For as long as you live the most important thing that you do will be to decide to not drink today. For someone with alcoholism marihuana is just as dangerous because it can lower your defense against the first drink. Similarly anything that could possibly lead to drinking must be conferenced with trusted advisors. Overtime if you develop a commonsensical way of life you will go days and weeks without thinking of drinking. Developing friendships with other sober alcoholics in AA and helping others get sober will give you insight into what you have gained by not drinking.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3b1lsf", "comment_id": "csi55ag"}, {"question": "My gf's family are not exchanging with each other because they don't have alot of money. Should I get them a gift?", "description": "I am questioning getting my gf's family gifts because they are not exchanging with each other due to money issues .If I give them gifts I won't expect anything in return. However, I'm afraid I could potentially put them in a position where they feel obligated to get me something even when they can't. I know I will say don't worry about getting me something but I'm afraid they could still be sad from being unable to return the favor. In this case, is it better not to get anything at all?", "answer": "I think you want something more like a traditional \"hostess gift\" instead of a real present. Dessert or other food, alcohol (wine etc) if you are old enough, perhaps a card. Or flowers, like a simple centerpiece type arrangement, could also be nice.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5i4z9r", "comment_id": "db5h9oj"}, {"question": "To all the college kids", "description": "Hi, fellow college kid here. It's really weird right now. College is hard enough, but now a lot of us are having to switch to online classes. \n\nDON'T LET THIS THROW OFF YOUR SEMESTER. \n\nGet out of bed, off your couch. Go take a shower, I promise you will feel better. We can still make it through this semester with intact GPAs, healthy mental states, and solid support systems. We've got this. \n\nIf you are struggling to adjust, please please email your professors. They will understand, they're going through the same thing right now too.", "answer": "Gosh I'm glad I finished in January. I would have S-T-RUGGLED.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "fl19za", "comment_id": "fkwvsv1"}, {"question": "[30/m] Need advice about my living situation and taking care of elderly grandmother. Please advise!", "description": "Hey r/relationship_advice ,\n\nSo this may be outside the realm of most romantic relationships that get posted here, but I don't really know where to post this and I would like some advice.\n\nQuick story: Last year I lived out of state with my gf and I. We broke up, and I lost about everything except the clothes on my back. My grandparents (who raised me and are like my mom and dad) said they would be happy for me to come back and stay with them for around 6-7 months while I rebuild my life.\n\nI did, and I saw that they could BARELY take care of themselves, their 100+ year old house, and their finances. I'm glad I came back to them. Problem is about 3 months after I return my grandfather passes away. Now my grandmother (besides myself) is totally alone. She doesn't have friends and the rest of my family don't really speak to her that much or come around at all. \n\nSo, it's been about 8 months now since my grandfather's passing. I am by far more then ready to move out, but I keep staying because I really don't think she should be alone. I'm really wanting to live my own life, but not sure what I should do? She is a hoarder, her house is falling apart, and just a month ago or so I took a day off work sick (flu). I'm lucky I did, because she was in a diabetic coma and had to be taken to the hospital because she wasn't watching her sugar. I have no doubt she would have died had I not taken that day off work...\n\nI do mind living with her because she can be very cruel and abrasive. Last night (NYE) a woman I had been seeing for a few weeks and I split, because she couldn't be with someone who was 30 and lived with his grandmother. I tried to explain, but she didn't understand that I am here because I feel like I have to be ,not because I want to be.\n\nSo please advise. I can't really afford to put her in a home, and I DON'T want to anyways, but I cannot live with her either. I'm not sure what to do..", "answer": "call the visiting nurse association. they'll get involved and coach you from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5li8dw", "comment_id": "dbvyt0e"}, {"question": "5 and a half years sober and I'm miserable", "description": "I was one of those guys who was head over heels in love with the program. I went from a heroin junkie who had been in and out of jail and prison for 10 years, to a homeowner and addiction counselor, and my life just seemed amazing. I became a person I really liked and got married and had a little girl. A couple years ago my marriage fell apart due to my mother-in-law committing suicide. My ex just lost it. Sadly, after 8 months of trying to fix the marriage, I was through with being lied to and cheated on. We got divorced and my ex relapsed. She ended up abusing and neglecting my daughter several times pretty severely. Luckily I documented everything and was able to get full custody of our daughter. My ex lives in another state now and has a new baby with her new boyfriend, and they both actively drink and use. Thankfully, my little girl is doing extremely well after several months of therapy - almost like nothing happened. She is very smart and I get amazing reports from her teachers. I am back in school full-time trying to get my Master's so I can provide the life I want for us.\nAfter I became a single parent, my life changed drastically. Friendships fizzled out and eventually died, my social life is non-existent (obviously), and my meeting attendance and program involvement has stopped totally. I still keep in touch with people I care about from meetings but it's fairly superficial. Every night she goes to bed around 7:30 and I clean the house and make her lunch for the next day and eat my dinner. And then the loneliness sets in. There's a woman I've been seeing for about a month who I care about immensely, and our relationship is great, but the times when I'm alone are so hard. I find myself choking up and wanting to cry for no reason, or breaking down in tears at vaguely sad Facebook videos. I feel very alone. I used to feel like I had dozens of people I could talk to, but now I feel like there's no one. My group of close friends has been steadily drifting apart since one of our group relapsed and killed himself last year, and we don't talk much anymore. I don't feel like I can speak to my family about my feelings because I don't want them to worry about me relapsing. I have a lot on my shoulders and I just feel so isolated. I have told the woman I'm dating about a lot of this, but I don't want to constantly just emotionally dump on her because I have no one else. It's a shitty feeling. After the extremely messy divorce, there was an adjustment period where I had to figure out how to do life as a single parent of a young child. It's possible that I just became very action-oriented at that point to avoid processing the pain of what had happened. And maybe now that things are smoother, the feelings are coming out. I don't know. I just know that I'm tired of feeling so sad all the time. ", "answer": "You sound overwhelmed and stressed, and like you might still be grieving the loss of your past life and relationship. You have taken on a lot being in school full time and parenting full time. You say your daughter went to therapy but have you considered getting some therapy yourself? It sounds like you might be struggling with some depression, and are feeling isolated right now. It's ok to reach out for another kind of help. 12 step is great but it's not the solution for everything. Also, what about a little fun and relaxation for yourself? It's important to have some down time to help you recharge for everything else you have to do.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "96d8li", "comment_id": "e3zxkri"}, {"question": "I don't think I'm gonna live past 20", "description": "Age: 17\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 172 cm\n\nWeight: 74 kg\n\nRace: caucasian\n\nMedical issues: asthma, polycystic ovary syndrome, problems with kidneys (I've been hospitalized because of kidney failure), neuralgia, stomach ulcer, arthritis and anemia.\n\nI've been diagnosed with these diseases throghout my childhood and early teen years. My medical conditions are getting worse and I'm too scared to go to the doctor. I lie to my parents about my issues so that they don't force me to go.\n\nI have an unhealthy lifestyle - I starve myself most of the time and when I rarely eat, it's mostly unhealthy foods. I smoke around 3 packs of cigarettes a day and I've been trying to smoke less recently. I drink hard alcohol from time to time and use drugs (xanax, weed, amphetamines). I drink 2 cans of energy drinks and 2-3 coffees every day as well. I know that I'm doing damage to my body with my lifestyle but I just can't stop. How much do I have to live? \n", "answer": "This is not an answerable question, especially without knowing what the problem with your kidneys is. \n\nUnhealthy lifestyle like eating poorly and smoking heavily can shorten your life significantly, but they would still usually kill you in middle age. Drugs can kill in all kinds of different ways and at different times. Barring an overdose you'll probably live to 20 because that's what being young does, but talking to a doctor and/or a therapist about what's going on and trying to work on changing how your living could be helpful, both for living longer and healthier and for feeling better about the life you're living.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd4mv", "comment_id": "eeuhxdq"}, {"question": "Paxil or Wellbutrin?", "description": "Hey everyone :) \nSo it's been a long time coming but today I finally gave in and decided to go on medication for anxiety and depression.\nThe doctor basically let me choose which medication to go on and she gave me some options. Both of my parents are on Paxil so I figured that would be a safe option to choose, so I opted for that! \nWhen I got home, I did some more research and really like the effects that Wellbutrin have.\nSo, my question is, should I call my doctor and have them switch me over to wellbutrin since I have not begun Paxil yet? \nCurious to hear peoples opinion!", "answer": "What are the benefits you\u2019re intrigued by with Wellbutrin? Have you looked at the potential side effects of both meds?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgovi7", "comment_id": "fk6mehe"}, {"question": "[Help] my friend is hearing voices in his head? What should I do?", "description": "I don't know where to post this, but I'm so worried for my fried. Yesterday he came to me and told me that 3 guys were spying on him for over a month.\n\nI know the 3 person he is talking about, one of them called me and is terrified because my friend went over to his house and was really angry and told him to stop spying on him. The guy was so shocked and had no words, he had nothing to do with this.\n\nYesterday me and two friends went over to see if there was anything. He was constantly hearing voices and we heard nothing. He was quoting what the \"spys\" were saying. And we were shocked because it was 11 am 1 of January and nobody was outside.\n\nHe got really angry and tought we were screwing around with him. \n\nHe said he heard them having a conversation that his uncle had hired them to spy on him to see if he was taking some drugs, because he had been a little bit lazy at work lately. His family has a building construction company wich he works for.\n\nHe used to smoke some weed, but the last month he has been clean and really weird. He has been alot alone. He said that he knows how it sounds like, and was afraid to tell us because we might think he is crazy. I believed everything he said until I went over and saw nobody and heard nothing, and he was hearing sounds and checking around.\n\nFor the moment he trust nobody and even think his mother, brother and father are spying on him. We don't know how to approach the situation, because if he finds out we don't belive him, he will shut us completely out of his life and go mental", "answer": "How old is he? Where is he based?\n\nAre you sure he's not using any drugs at all (even the newer synthetic stuff)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lngsl", "comment_id": "dbx9ha2"}, {"question": "Paranormal activity, or withdrawal symptom?", "description": "On Novemeber 2013 I decided to stop using chemical substances after 6 years of heavy usage. I had a big fight with my ex husband because I wanted to stop, but he didn't want it. So, I was laying in bed after 4 days of not drinking, smoking or sniffing. I was really anxious, and couldn't sleep during those 4 days. My ex was completely wasted, and sleeping right next to me. However, I had this terrible insomnia and was not able to sleep, then the creepy show started. I began to listen pigs howling pretty aloud in my head, I covered my ears and the sound was actually more terrifying. There was a huge window in fron of me, and then I saw this shadowy presence rising from the ground up to the roof. It had a human shape, but I can't tell what really was it. Suddenly, this \"thing\" came to my chest and grabbed my neck. I levitated on my bed really quick, and hit the bed strongly. It felt like there was no air in the room. Like if my soul was getting out of my body. I began to yell and my ex woke up, I was moving like in one of those exorcist's movies, where you sit and lay back down many times. I was really scared asking for help, saying: \"Please don't let him take me!! My ex woke up really scared, and surrounded me with his arms. Then I felt like if something was leaving my body. I couldn't sleep that night. Next day I woke up with a facial paralysis (fortunately there are is no physical trace in my face), so I went to the hospital. They kept me hospitalized during 4 days, they also found the evidence of a previous heart attack due to overdose. After that day, the only way for me to fall asleep was taking Valiums. I kept the feeling of this thing coming to my chest, and grabbing my soul during 2 months. Even though I was taking pills, everytime that I closed my eyes I had the same sensation. I was afraid of closing my eyes. It was hell....three months after, I broke up with my husband. My family sent me to rehab, I got hospitalized many times, lost the custody of my children and a good friend of mine got stabbed on his heart one year after. I'm still wondering is this shadowy presence was good, evil or just a product of my imagination and anxiety attack. What you think?", "answer": "Withdrawals (especially from alcohol or Benzodiazepines) can sometimes include hallucinations.\n\nAs another person mentioned, sleep paralysis is also a legit possibility.\n\nEither of these (or both) are likely more accurate explanations than paranormal activities.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2v59s6", "comment_id": "coep27u"}, {"question": "Can I have alcohol with Lexapro?", "description": "I'm on 10 mg of Lexapro daily, and I want to know if I can have a Smirnoff Ice, just this once. I'm having a bad day, I have no friends to talk to, and I just want to have a drink. My tolerance to alcohol is really low, so I'll only have one drink. Am I allowed to do that, if I take my pill hours before?", "answer": "You'll probably be fine. My addictions patients seem to guzzle bottles of everything despite being prescribed a bucket of pills daily, and seem to survive (not that im recommending it!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rmeka", "comment_id": "dl66k3j"}, {"question": "I'm [20/f] stressed out about my bf [21/m] and our future together", "description": "My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts. I graduate college in may 2018 with an Associate's degree in nursing and plan to finish my Bachelor's degree. My boyfriend on the other hand is not in college and is about to lose his job because of missing work and being late all the time. We don't live together but we've always thought about marriage. I'm just stressed out that our financial future is going to be my responsibility. We've known each other for almost 6 years and 4 of those years have been us in a relationship. The 2 years we weren't together, right after finishing high school, he had problems with drugs and the law. Since then he hasn't used hard drugs or pills but he was diagnosed with depression and hasn't been able to deal with it entirely. He comes from a very broken home and really tough background. I come from a dysfunctional family but had a way better upbringing than him. I'm just not sure how to make all of this work. We got back together a year ago and everything was great in the beginning but the last maybe 8 months have been really tough. I don't like it when he smokes weed because of the drug problem he had which has caused a lot of fights between us. My family cares about him a lot but thinks he's a loser compared to me and don't think twice about letting me know which makes me doubt our relationship even more. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with all of this. ", "answer": "Your boyfriend, whatever his struggles and history is either A) capable of behaving better or B) not. \n\nIf it's B, your future is well and truly fucked and you're waaaaay better off leaving him. If it's A, he'd better start doing better soon, or you're going to become convinced it's B and leave regardless. \n\nIn order to figure out the truth, you need to learn to identify your relational needs and to communicate your boundaries and keep them.\n\nCounseling is very helpful for that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fyanv", "comment_id": "dilzmhy"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have psychotic symptoms?", "description": "Such as a distortion of beliefs and perceptions, elaborate plans for revenge, and/or desperate and manipulative attempts to avoid perceived abandonment?\n\nI have never, ever acted upon these thoughts, and they are quiet and small and nonintrusive, but they are there.", "answer": "I have grandiose delusions but I wouldn't call them delusions per se", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3oc5j6", "comment_id": "cvw6jzf"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy. I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around. You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "e4rt7xs"}, {"question": "Living with someone who is a BIG drinker", "description": "Hi guys, \n\nI am not sure why I am posting this, perhaps to vent, perhaps for some advice but I have had to reset my badge again today. I live with my boyfriend who drinks every single day, this hasn't changed from the day I met him, it is just the way he is and he doesn't think he has an issue. When we first met drinking was our thing but last year I decided to become sober and lasted 4 months. Those 4 months were horrible, seeing him coming in drunk was frustrating as hell because I had to sit and listen to him ramble on about nonsense. \n\nSlowly I settled back into drinking with him and it was fine again (or at least the relationship was, the drinking everyday not so much) I have decided to stop again a few times this year but I just find it easier to be around my Boyfriend when we are both drunk and on the same wavelength. \n\nI suppose my question is - is it possible to live and be happy with someone who drinks to excess but doesn't see an issue while remaining sober. It doesn't help that his Dad is a huge, huge alcoholic and often stays with us. \n\nOr is it perhaps time to say quits...the thought almost breaks my heart into a million pieces. \n\nAnother fear of mine is he is going to end up dead soon, he wants to start a family but I am loathe to do so while we have these issues and I am at an age now where I am wanting to settle down but perhaps he isn't the one. ", "answer": "Don\u2019t start a family with someone whose idea of a great life is obliterating the day. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7yvalc", "comment_id": "dujht58"}, {"question": "ECT used to treat addicion /withdrawal (Benzo)", "description": "Male, 36 years old from Europe\n\nI do not think my weight/height will have any impact on this question, but will of course edit if mods disagree.\n\nI've had clinical depression with anxiety for 22 years, and had my first admission to psychiatric ward(open) in 2002. I have been prescribed Oxzeapam 25mg for about 14 years, but never abused them, only taken when needed. I have been, since 2002, been prescribed every kind of medication for depression (and also bi-polar, to test effect). I have been through all \"standard ones\" - Effexor, Remeron, Zyprexa, Zoloft, Lithium, Quitapin, Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Edronax and possibly a few I don't remember. Mid-2017 is when I started losing all hope and started abusing the benzo(combination of Diazepam and Oxazepam). Some days doeses could be 80mg Diazepam and 50mg Oxazepam, just to give you a indication of size of doses, but there was not a clear pattern in what combination I used them. \n\nLate 2017 I was again admitted to open psychiatric ward, this time to undergo ECT **for depression**(in bold for relevance to my question below). I did not mention any benzo abuse, just that I had been prescribed them, and that I used them when needed. The had a series of 6 ECT treatments, and they had a short lasting effect, in a good way. The charts for the treatment was \"textbook good\". The ECT-doctors were very pleased with EEG and bodily seizure times(around 40 sec/35 sec respectivly). For reasons unknown, they stopped after 6 treatments, but I am now going in again in a month or 2 for a new series of 6 ECTs.\n\n**Here is the issue. I'm following** [**Ashton manual, Schedule 2**](https://benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s2)**, and cut out the Oxazepam. I'm down to 20mg Diazepam, and haven't had any real reaction to the taper at all. Some days I slip up and take 30-40mg. My question is, after reading a** [**small publication from US Liberary of Medicine**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28622209)**, can ECT also eliminate any withdrawal, if stopping Diazepam when starting the ECT-series?**\n\nI would REALLY appreciate if a doctor could share any knowledge on this. What should my actions be? Taper down as fast as possible on Diazepam, or keep the dose steady before starting the ECT?", "answer": "That\u2019s one case, and it\u2019s severe alcohol withdrawal, not (as far as I can tell) slow and asymptomatic progress on tapering benzos. This is not any kind of standard use of ECT and I wouldn\u2019t recommend it.\n\nPlease tell your doctors how much you\u2019re actually taking. Benzos can themselves interfere with ECT. Not always, as you\u2019ve seen with your previous treatment, but you also don\u2019t want to get ECT in the future, have them assume the same parameters will work when you are taking less, and have an excessive response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ysgxm", "comment_id": "e2dm0ss"}, {"question": "Complicated shadows [30/m]", "description": "Hi, I'm in relationship for a year with a bit older women.\nShe is great and she is everything I could expect from a women.\nShe cannot have children and she has 18 year old daughter.\nHer daughter is attractive and she got nearly my age boyfriend now\n(She was in relationship with her own age guy for a while)\nAnd for some reason something is really bothering me in all of this, I can't gasp what it is exactly but I think I feel that I could do better and find my own age or younger women..\nShould I just break up with her and move on?..", "answer": "something you have to process; if there are specific concerns, address them; if you think you're simply not in love, yes move on", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3tz6", "comment_id": "ddz4ar2"}, {"question": "Mom has Amnesia", "description": "I just got home from work tonight and my mom has been in a state of amnesia. When I asked, she said she didn't hit her head or take any medication. She mentioned a few times how she was confused because she was napping and she claims to have dreamt things she actually did in real life (e.g. buy kiwis and gum). She couldn't tell me what month it was. To say this is unsettling is truly an understatement. I've never seen any worrying signs of memory loss in her. She seemed completely fine when I left for work. I'm really worried. Obviously she will see a doctor ASAP. I pray to God she wakes up okay. This night has changed my life forever. Like most of you, I love my mom more than anything in the world and this is a deeply humbling experience. I urge you all to express your love to your fullest capabilities. Every day is truly a priceless gift we must stop taking for granted. Any prayers and/or words of advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you. ", "answer": "Do these experiences come on suddenly? It's bordering on urgent assessment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5foz41", "comment_id": "damhoyy"}, {"question": "Is he playing me", "description": "So I (19f) have been seeing or dating this guy (23m) for about 2 months now, I know age isn't a problem since our mutual friend set us up. He and I have gotten serious moving to the next step and a month and half later I ask what we are and he said he's been through some tough stuff and that he hasn't thought about it that much.which he has including surgery and so I respect that. But is he just pushing off telling me how he really feels and not wanting to actually make this a relationship? I just don't wanna be made a fool out of myself for liking this guy so much", "answer": "always be direct about feelings. tell him what you feel; ask what he feels; go from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vp2zd", "comment_id": "de3tskq"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "d3s22jy"}, {"question": "Looking for some help with a brother and his excuses for not going back to rehab", "description": "My brother has a severe drug problem. He did 6 months of rehab a couple years ago, but went because he thought he had to, not because he himself wanted to.\n\nWithin a couple months of getting out, he was using again, and it just got worse and worse. He didn't have an exit plan, and just went back to his old drug friends, obviously a recipe for disaster. I can't give too many details because anyone who knows us that reads it will know exactly who I am.. Basically my parents have disowned him, and I lived in a different province.. As did our other siblings., he had no support even if he did want it.\n\nI live near by now, and even though I know he's still using, and he's a pathological liar, so I don't believe a word he says (every time I see him, it's a new story, and he reveals more drug info.. Originally it was just that he was smoking pot again, but he has recently told me he is back on opiates.. I know if I had another convo, I'd hear about more drugs)..\n\nOn New Year's Eve, he stayed with us, because he said he'd use if he didn't. We ended up in another conversation about his use and all his issues, and by the end of the convo, he brought up rehab, and I suggested that it might be a good idea for him to go back, because he'd be away from all the people that tempt him use. He agreed and said he'd sleep on it. The next day, got all the typical excuses.. Need to take care of bills and debts first.\n\nSo.. To those of you who are in recovery.. How do I get him past this? He doesn't have a job.. And no prospects, so he won't be making money to pay off the debts he's referring to.. And our family isn't well off that we can cover them for him. So what can I do to convince him that he needs to get help now (which was his idea originally) instead of worrying about debts, which he can't pay because he's not working.\n\nAny help is appreciated, I just want my brother to get help, so he can return to normal life with my family.", "answer": "The bottom line is you can't only he can. Keep suggesting recovery, do not enable, and tell him you care. He needs to decide enough is enough. The consequences will come, believe me. On that day do not enable him, let them come to him and let him have to find his way out. On that day suggest rehab. Otherwise he will more than likely not listen.\n\nYour intentions are noble. He is not ready yet. Just keep encouraging him.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "2rexlx", "comment_id": "cnfvtrr"}, {"question": "Lost respect for my boss, relatively new employee", "description": "So I just got a nice new job about 4 weeks ago. I was excited about it and it seemed to be a great jumping off point for my career. My boss was well respected outside our corporation, she had a lot of successful meetings and awards, and was seemingly on a path to success where she was going to drag me along.\n\nWell, as the time has passed I realize that she is not at all who people think she is. I took an amateur psychopathy test on her behalf and it spells her out to a T. \n\nWhat pushed me was an event today when she flew off the handle and screamed at a long term co-worker over an incredibly innocuous comment. I have seen small events like this happen, but not to this level. It was full on bullying and disgusting behavior. \n\nI will add that I have been having some strong second thoughts about taking the job after a few incidents that have involved me, and older employees who have worked for her are beaten down and choose not to fight back, which I can understand. \n\nRight now I am feeling like I made a big mistake, taking a job without the full knowledge of what I was getting into. I will spend the weekend applying to jobs to find an escape route. \n\nI know that getting her fired will be very difficult because of her seniority.", "answer": "Start hunting for a new job now before you have a big gap on your resume. No need to even put this job on there you've been there so little time. Get out now. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2hl7p7", "comment_id": "ckts1nv"}, {"question": "It\u2019s fair to judge someone on their personality", "description": "It\u2019s not ok to judge on looks, disability, race, or wealth. Our personality and actions are fair game to be judged. I\u2019m ashamed of how I act. My boyfriend loves me in spite of my terrible behavior. I\u2019m so ashamed of myself. No one deserves to be treated the way I act, yet I feel like I don\u2019t know how to stop. I feel like people would forgive me and let me change, which is great, but I feel lost at not knowing how to change. I feel I\u2019ve been so bad to the people in my life who wanted to only help me. Maybe this is a realization I needed. The way I behave is not acceptable or fair to anyone. I want to be a better version of myself. I feel such a shame for how I behave. I truly do. I want to pretend I don\u2019t know myself or remember how I acted sometimes because I feel such an embarrassment towards me own horrible behavior.", "answer": "Medication can be really helpful ... have you met with an MD about something that can help?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ee9gb4", "comment_id": "fbsptn4"}, {"question": "Can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?", "description": "\n20F, 5\u20198, 145lbs, Indian\n\nPrimary Complaint: Anxiety\n\nDuration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) \n\nCurrent medical issues: Iron deficiency anemia\n\nMedications: None\n\ndrugs/smoking/drinking: Never used\n\nI have an appointment coming up this Friday. I want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety Ive had for years. It\u2019s through Kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone I know, I keep coming across bad stories about Kaisers mental health services. I don\u2019t want to reach out and try if it\u2019s going to be for nothing.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. Anxiety is what I want to treat first.", "answer": "A primarily doctor may treat anxiety. Whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it\u2019s reasonable to ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dz7wnq", "comment_id": "f85wzpf"}, {"question": "Fear of passing gas or pooping my pants :/", "description": "I've been dealing with a terrible fear for several months that has gotten worse and worse to the point of getting dizzy and having (unrelated to my fear) visual hallucinations after finally getting to be alone. I have awful social anxiety, but my main fear while I am in public is that I'm passing gas or have pooped my pants without knowing or will any moment. My stomach does get upset when I'm anxious often, but I've never actually pooped my pants...there's just always this fear I have until going to the restroom to check or will any moment. And, even though I've never heard or smelled anything, I still just have this fear when my anxiety is at an all-time high when in public.\n\nI know this sounds funny, but it truly isn't to live through. When I finally am alone, I automatically feel better unless I had to be in public for a few hours, then the dizziness and hallucinations start- because I'm so mentally and physically tired from the extreme worry and fear.\n\nI'm too embarrassed to tell this specific fear to my counselor, so I'm braving it here on Reddit. It's just awful, especially trying to go to the pool or wear white pants or dresses. These fears are all I can think about when I'm in public even though no one has ever mentioned me doing any of these things, and I have very good friends who invite me to things they never would if I truly were passing gas all the time... My anxiety just gets SO bad that I get paranoid and think everyone is looking at me in a menacing manner..and my brain decides it's because I must be doing or about to be doing one of the most embarrassing things a girl can do- poop her pants or be passing gas in public.\n\nAnyway, has anyone else had this fear? I tried searching Google and didn't find anything.\n\ntl;dr: My panic gets so bad I irrationally fear I have or will poop my pants or pass gas in public even though this has never previously happened. Any advice?", "answer": "My advice would be to bring it up with your counselor. As a counselor myself, I can tell you that we hear things like this daily, and it probably would phase your counselor much much less than you would imagine. That way you can begin to actively work through that fear", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1fumjm", "comment_id": "cae0i01"}, {"question": "How long do I have to get a tetanus shot after being stabbed by metal?", "description": "I drilled into my finger with a broken drill bit by accident. There is a little metal piece stuck in my finger. It did not register that I should go to the doctor. It's been 4 days now. I will be getting the shot tomorrow morning, but is it too late for the shot? My last shot was in high school, I was maybe 13-14.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age - 28\n* Sex - m\n* Height - 180cm\n* Weight - 90kg\n* Race - europe white\n* Duration of complaint - 4 days\n* Location (Geographic and on body) - left thumb\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - none\n* Current medications (if any) - none", "answer": "tetanus has protective effects that last at least 10 years. Its not just for this incident, also for future incidents.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bcz2t9", "comment_id": "ekuvy5g"}, {"question": "My [24M] girlfriend [22F] tells her parents and close friends every time I fuck up.", "description": "We have been dating for 3.5 years and its been great. Things are going swimmingly and I intend on marrying this girl some day. That said, people make mistakes and both my girlfriend and I have blown it here or there. The problem is the difference in how we handle it.\n\nHer fucking up: I get upset, take a step back, cool down, talk with her about it, forgive her.\n\nMe fucking up: She gets upset, tells her parents her side of the story (while she is still angry), tells her friends her side of the story (while she is still angry), cools down, talks with me about it, forgives me, lies to her parents and friends by telling them she is still mad at me (to save face because apparently admitting that she overreacted is embarrassing)\n\nThis obviously smears her parents' and friends' opinions of me. She then usually finds herself having to navigate a web of lies and slowly ease her parents and friends into liking me again. Meanwhile she has long forgiven me and genuinely wants her peers to approve of me. But when her parents and friends only ever hear about what a shit head I am, why would they?\n\nI have tried discussing it with her, but the only time it comes up is when I am already in the dog house and have no ground to stand on. How do I explain to her that some things really should just stay between us? A simple \"BF is an idiot\" should be sufficient for anyone who pries. No need to go spreading my dirty laundry everywhere.\n\n", "answer": "she has to become more mature and maintain boundaries. if she feels abused, then she needs to get support from family and friends. but if it's a simple argument, she should keep it between you and her, except for maybe one best friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3mbq", "comment_id": "dc0k70y"}, {"question": "I'm addicted to my phone.", "description": "Anyone else like this? It distracts me from everything going on around me. I've accepted that its a bad thing yet I can't go without it.", "answer": "It's becoming more and more common. If you're a reader check our \"Irresistible\" by Adam Alter. It's a long but really good and informative read on how people are becoming increasingly addicted to technology, phones, games, etc. and how the industries actually works to create addiction. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8pmjmq", "comment_id": "e0cj3jr"}, {"question": "Psychs, is my roommate dangerous? Answers GREATLY appreciated", "description": "Okay. I met & started dating my boyfriend in October (he rocks) and through him met all 4 of his roommates, who I got to know simply bc I'm at their house so often. We all just graduated from college this spring (he and his roommates went to a different college from me, so I didn't know any of them prior to this past fall/winter). \n\nIn May one of them (let's call him C) went to the emergency room for a suicide attempt-- tried to run onto nearby train tracks and was stopped by acquaintances from the party he'd run out of. Because I a) happened to be the most level headed at 3 AM when the police came to the house and b) was trying to be a good friend, I was the one who ended up staying the 12 hours in the emergency room waiting room with him. I was really worried about him and assumed he'd end up staying at least a week in a psych ward-- a friend from high school had a similar experience and being on a pretty casual ward for a week helped her a ton. However, when the psych finally called me in to talk to her and C, it was clear he had charmed her the way he charms most people-- she seemed convinced that the problem was simply that he'd had too much to drink, he'd learned a lesson, and he was fine to leave.\n\nThe thing is I don't think that's true. This is someone who has been known to get kind of violent when he gets angry-- I've heard him throw furniture and I know from my boyfriend that C once physically attacked another student in their program.\n\nWhen all of us were discussing where we'd all be moving come September, my boyfriend's and my ideal situation most closely matched up with C's, so my boyfriend (who is rational sometimes to a fault) decided we might as well move in with him. Since no one else seemed worried, I tried to quell my fears and we ended up signing a lease. \n\nThe other night I was getting ice cream with another of my boyfriend's roommates, let's call him A, and he brought up the fact that I'd be living with C-- he said he was sorry if it was too late to say anything or if I was offended, but he was really worried about it. We talked for a while and he ended up confirming a lot of my fears-- that C probably has bipolar disorder with some sociopathic tendencies (we've done a TON of research, I promise this isn't us just gossiping) and, as A revealed to me, has been forceful/violent with women (not rape, more disregarding barriers/making people feel unsafe) in the past.\n\nC is brilliant and talented, and great fun when he's in a good mood. But the fact that his mood changes are entirely unpredictable is what scares me. I think he's still a danger to himself, and maybe to my boyfriend and me.\n\nWe're considering calling his dad but are scared he might somehow retaliate. Am I making too big a fuss? Should I suck it up and live with him? Any advice would be so, so appreciated. \n\nThank you!!!\n\n\\~Duckie ", "answer": "Is he a danger to himself or anyone else? I certainly can't know that without speaking to him, and even then any doctor or therapist's ability to predict that is poor. But history is the best predictor of future behavior, so if he has been violent, he's more likely to be violent, and if he has made a suicide attempt, he's more likely to make a suicide attempt.\n\nBe that as it may, what can you do about it? If you call his dad, what can his dad do? If he is not any immediate danger there is nothing that can be done against his will. You can encourage him to seek treatment, but that is about it. And if he does anything dangerous then you can get medical care or police involved. Otherwise you're stuck with an erratic person on the lease with you, which is unfortunate.\n\nOne thing to clarify: rapidly changing moods are not bipolar disorder. The hallmark of bipolar disorder is, in fact, sustained moods, either elevated or depressed. But I still definitely cannot make a diagnosis from a few paragraphs of description.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "937w41", "comment_id": "e3bannr"}, {"question": "I turn 30 in 10 days and have no friends. What should I do for my birthday?", "description": "I'm a soon-to-be 30-year-old man who would like to hear your thoughts. \n\n\nFor the past 4 years, I've essentially lived as a recluse. As a result, I'm at a point now where I haven't spoken to anyone I'd really consider a friend for almost a year. \n\nThe only times I've felt like a normal, happy, reasonably well-adjusted human being in these years were the times where I just left and booked a flight and a room in a hostel somewhere. In that environment, I could quickly and easily befriend people my age. We'd visit the city, joke around, go out together... and then I'd fly home and immediately sink back into the pit of loneliness and self-pity that is my life here. \n\nThat's the situation right now. I also haven't really celebrated my birthday since I was eleven. I'd like the weekend of my 30th to be at least vaguely pleasant, so what should I do? \n\nI live in Belgium and I like history, art, travel, sunshine, and people - even if I suck terribly at keeping them around. I'm not asking how to fix my life, just some advice on how to best spend my 30th.", "answer": "I was in Europe over the summer and I was by myself. I found out about the couchsurfing app/website and it helped me make some friends, some of which were also travelers but others were locals who wanted to share their experience with us, so you could be one of those locals and get to meet a bunch of people and maybe even take them to the touristy places! ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "59jnwg", "comment_id": "d99edm7"}, {"question": "Do therapists go to therapy?", "description": "Do practicing therapists go to therapy? I can only imagine that even for a professional, it is difficult dealing with other people's pain and trauma. Not to mention, therapists are people too and they have their own problems to deal with.", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nYes (some of us) do. It's generally pretty encouraged so we don't burn out.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g68jwq", "comment_id": "fo8hqfe"}, {"question": "Am I having a heart attack?", "description": "20, Male, 5'8, 170 pounds, No medication, don't smoke or do drugs. \n\nFor the past hour or 3, it feels like I have a weight on my chest and have this weird feeling everytime I breathe, I also have little sharp pains in my chest from time to time\n.", "answer": "I assume that you are still alive. Didn't sound too suspicious, more musculoskeletal maybe... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8moine", "comment_id": "dzp868r"}, {"question": "Budding relationship between 25/m and 26/f -- need advice on establishing a healthy base for a partnership.", "description": "Hey all, thanks for indulging me.\n\nI just started graduate school in August and after a little socializing with my cohort, I met one of the girls and we really hit it off. Without getting into too much detail about the courtship process, we're not at the point where we've both directly stated our feelings and our interest.\n\nI'm excited, but a little terrified. I've had bad luck with relationships up until this point -- my last girlfriend was when I was 21 (I'm the 25m), and the past few years has been a long, lonely road where I had to get used to being alone and learn to accept who I was. This was hard but also good experience for me in the long run. However, I've been out of the game so long that I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up due to lack of experience. This woman is beautiful and so much of what I always wanted in a partner when I was wallowing in my depression over being alone -- my anxiety has raised the stakes of the situation and I just need a little help coming up with a game plan. The connection I feel with this person is very deep. When I\u2019m with her I feel safe, heard, seen and accepted. I\u2019m enchanted with her and I have reason to believe she feels the same way towards me, but my history with relationships has planted a seed in my expectations \u2013 I can\u2019t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen, like I\u2019ll be hurt for the umpteenth time. I guess I\u2019m afraid to fully commit to the relationship because it\u2019s been relationships that have hurt me the most in my life. There are so many wonderful things about her that I thought I\u2019d never get to have in a partner again, and I want to be happy about this situation so badly but I\u2019m just so afraid of being hurt that I can\u2019t relax. \nWhatever this is between us, I really want to make it something good for the both of us. I think I really do have the capacity to love this woman and I think she feels the same way about me \u2013 we\u2019re both in graduate school together preparing for our \u201ctrue\u201d adult lives and I know that if we maintain a good relationship right now then we\u2019re likely to move onto our next phase of life together which is\u2026 exciting and terrifying. The other night she asked me if I wanted kids at any point in my life \u2013 it kind of freaked me out at first, but I guess we\u2019re at that point in our lives where some people are starting to care about that a lot more. To me it sent a message that said \u201cI see us working in the long-term, but it\u2019s important that this is something we both want.\u201d Is this too much too fast? Or is it just being straightforward and honest?\n\nWe\u2019re both going to meet up tomorrow night (the 24th), and talk about a few things \u2013 our past relationships, our patterns and how we\u2019re feeling about what we\u2019re feeling with each other. One of the only things keeping me from flinging into a panic is the sincere and genuine connection I feel when I\u2019m with her and also that she wants to have a constructive conversation about our past and where we are now. What are some things I should ask her? What are some boundaries I should think about putting up? If this is going to be a relationship, how can I make sure that we start on the right foot? I want to be close to somebody again, and I want it to be a safe experience for the both of us\u2026 so, what\u2019s your advice on making that happen, Reddit? \n", "answer": "your thoughtfulness is the base! the key to any pairing is defining what you both want it to be, and sticking to it. keep talking and clarifying, and you can't go wrong!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788ghy", "comment_id": "dorwtqq"}, {"question": "Alright r/depression, I need you.", "description": "My boyfriend of one year has suffered through bouts of depression since before he hit high school. Every few months or so he will have \"bad thoughts\" as we like to call them, which are pretty much suicidal and about just how little he values himself. We work through it (as much as I don't want to say it, we ignore it a bit), and then he moves on and we're happy and in love again.\n\n\nI honestly cannot say that I understand his feelings or how or why he feels depressed. I'm not a typical extrovert, but I am friendly and open to new people and experiences, with a positive outlook on life. We;ve always joked about him being the pessimist, but it was only ever as a joke.\n\n\nI buy him little gifts and try and go out of my way for him quite often. Recently, and this is my problem, he told me that he recognized that he was soon to spiral into depression and he wanted to try and fight it. I bought him model kits to piece together because I know that when he is focused and has a task at hand, he does not stop to think of himself. It didn't work. \n\nHe told me today that he kept thinking of how he was a failure and how he now and forever would not be able to do anything right. He couldn't find a reason to stick around. It hurts me so much to hear his \"bad thoughts\" and that he has them at all. I like to think that I help, but then I don't know how to deal when he feels low again. He's my anything and everything, I can't imagine life without him, but how do I make life tolerable for him?\n\n\n**TL;DR: My amazing boyfriend has suicidal thoughts every so often, and I don't understand where they come from/how to help. Any incite?**", "answer": "The best thing you can do is to listen to him, and try not to discount his feelings (but dont encourage them either). Be a sound board for him- a place for him to talk out his negative thoughts.\n\nIf it is severe, you really need to press him (nonjudgmentally) to seek help. And if you have reason to believe he is going to hurt himself, you need to take action to protect him (seeking professional help). \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "saegz", "comment_id": "c4ckb8j"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F21) broke up with me (M21) because she is going through some shit, what to do?", "description": "My girlfriend recently broke up with me because she's going through a tough time. She says it's nothing to do with me and she still likes me and has fun with me but she's used to being alone and struggles with relationships and adding another person into her life seems difficult. \nShe keeps posting on social media about being depressed and upset and self destructing. Saying she pushes people she loves away as a self defense mechanism. Obviously I still like her and feel really confused since I thought everything was going great but she was suffering the whole 3 months without me picking up on it. \nMy question is, she still wants to be friends, still says she likes me what should I do? I obviously still like her but I feel like I'm just waiting for her to... Want to a relationship again? I don't know. Should I just move on? Should I stay friends and wait and see? Any thoughts are welcome. \n\nEDIT - Thank you for all the replies! It's nice different points of view ", "answer": "get her help/doc/therapist\n\ntake ur cues from her. give her space as needed. check in once in a while gently", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vimw1", "comment_id": "de2c1py"}, {"question": "My BF (27) wants to call it quits because I'm (22/f) not ready to move in with him. HELP.", "description": "So my bf and I have been dating for more than 2 years now. He has brought up this subject before and we fought about it before. It's not that I'm oppose to living with him. It's just that I'm not ready and I think we both are not ready financially. I still live with my mum because I study full-time and my part-time job could not support me to live independently. While my bf shares a house with his mates but barely gets by with his part-time job. \n\nSo now he wants to break up with me because according to him I wont fully know what kind of a man he is unless we lived together. Tbh I find it a bit BS because he had stayed at my place and vice versa before but only for a couple days and we had an out of town trip just the two of us a year ago.Isn't that a glimpse of living together. \n\nI've told him I'd like to move in when I've finished my studies and a bit financially settled with a full-time job, but he said he can't wait anymore.\n\nI don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him but I am not ready to move in together. \nI don't know how to talk sense into him anymore. He actually wants to break up during my finals week in uni. And he knows the amount of stress I'm already in but still he did this.\n\nI need your advice .please.", "answer": "Relationships are all about timing. You just might not be in the same place with respect to your needs and expectations.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77fs9c", "comment_id": "dolgnm8"}, {"question": "Anyone else on a long waiting list to get professional help and in need of a friend in the mean time..?", "description": "It took me so long to finally admit to myself that I've been suffering from depression for a very long time, and now that I really need the professional help, It'll take months for me to even get a first appointment. Starting at a new university this week and I really feel that without someone who really understands, I will mess up this new second chance I have. ", "answer": "Check if Uni has a counseling services office, many do. They might be helpful until you can get an appointment elsewhere.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6v5bqd", "comment_id": "dlxpxbo"}, {"question": "Curiosity", "description": "Is anyone else just generally curious about things? Like I just want to know about something or how someone feels about something, and keep asking questions, and make people feel like I'm playing devils advocate, but really just want to know why. Or just me?", "answer": "Lol curiosity is an amazing quality, but it can be destructive. Curiosity demonstrates active listening which people generally love.\n\nSome ways to ask questions without sounding like you're interviewing someone-\n\n- Make comments not questions \"Oh your opinion on that is very interesting, my opinion is a little different, maybe we know different things about this topic.\"\n\n- Validate first then ask a question prefaced with curiosity \"yeah that point seems very important to you, I'm curious if you could tell me more?\"\n\n- Use open ended questions, the info you need to get will take longer but you'll learn lots of other things on the way and you'll get there without asking a thousand yes no questions. (This includes any one or two word answers like \"what time would you like to start.\" Could be \"I wonder what availabilities you have.\"\n\n- Off the back of the last one, let them talk. Pause for a few seconds after they go quiet, for two reasons, it gives them a chance to continue if they want and also, it shows you're thinking and not just shooting questions at them.\n\n- Mirror them, if you ask a question and they look away, you look away. If they make eye contact try to look at their face at least. If you don't match their enthusiasm you risk looking weirdly eager.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bjlg2p", "comment_id": "emaq3sx"}, {"question": "How to deal with a fixated person frequenting my venue?", "description": "Good evening, Reddit! Casual lurker coming out of the shadows for this one.\n\nI recently started to manage a venue that has a ready-made community, and my boss is someone well-known within the community, as is the person who is fixated on her.\n\nThis person is known for being unpredictable. Clearly she is not well. She is not only grieving a major loss, but seems to be experiencing many symptoms of dementia. She does not know my boss personally, but has barraged her with messages on Facebook, emails, and, now that she has found the phone number, phone calls.\n\nShe attempted to enter a sold-out event without a ticket, thinking she had purchased one (though she had not), and became so frustrated, she assaulted our security guards. We ultimately called the police, who took her to the hospital.\n\nThe following week, she did purchase a ticket, and returned, and I informed her she was no longer welcome after the previous week's events. She was more docile, apologetic, not in touch with reality and clearly set on the outcome that she get to talk to my boss. I listened to her empathetically for 30 minutes (our plan had been to call the police if she returned, but I made the call that this would not be necessary that night), accepted her apology, but stood firm: she could not come in and that was not going to change.\n\nShe has continued to harass my employer digitally. These are clearly the warning signs of a \"fixated person\" and I get the feeling we're not giving her enough credit for the damage she could do: to herself, to my employer, to our guests and to our business. My boss is hesitant to start the process for filing a restraining order, and I can't stand outside with her, blocking the door, whenever she makes an appearance. \n\nI am unsure what the next steps we should take to resolve this problem. Is it possible to mitigate what I think is a very real threat, here, using some ninja conversational techniques and boundary-setting rather than calling the authorities? Can anyone refer me to some good literature on addressing this sort of thing?\n\nLove,\n\nB", "answer": "She sounds like a stalker. It's highly likely she's got some other stuff going on, too. Is it dementia? Ummm, I don't know, but 56 is a little young. It could be early onset, but from what you described about her behavior/presentation, it doesn't quite fit for me. I could be wrong. \n\nIt sounds like she could be psychotic. Can you tell if she has been drinking or using drugs? Substances could be contributing to her psychosis or exacerbating previously existing pathology. \n\nThis woman needs to be hospitalized and actually stabilized on meds before she's released. She's likely going to end up getting herself into legal trouble, and hurting herself or someone else. \n\nIt's easy to see why your boss (and other people) may be hesitant to initiate a stay-away/protection/restraining order. People feel bad, she's sick and she needs help. I don't think many people consider that the best interests of the person in need may involve doing something that feels unpleasant. At the end of the day, your boss needs to weigh the pros and cons. If this woman is truly as sick as she sounds, there are no conversational techniques that will work. \n\nI can find literature about stalking, but I'm not sure how much it will help. Let me know. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado5e8", "comment_id": "edj2iyw"}, {"question": "Recovering sex life AFTER depression", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 32 year old male, have been with my wife for 10 years, and was diagnosed with Major Depression at 26. I am doing much better now after therapy and medication, but my wife and I are still struggling with our sex life. We went to couples therapy for a while, and it did teach us to communicate better, but that has not translated into our bedroom. When I look online, everything resource is about your sex life WHILE depressed, low libido, etc. I am recovered, and my wife and I both want to have sex, but we have developed a lot of bad habits and fears due to my depression and its affect on our relationship. If anyone has any resources or personal stories of recovering your sex life AFTER depression, I would very much appreciate any insight or guidance.", "answer": "I wonder if Esther Perel's work could help? To my knowledge, she doesn't really speak much about depression but in general talks a lot about reviving connection, excitement, and intimacy in relationships and keeping the spark alive even in a long-term relationships or after difficult experiences like infidelity. She has some TED talks and a couple of books. She's brilliant.\n\nMaybe start here and see if it resonates? https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "an4cec", "comment_id": "efr3gkv"}, {"question": "Hypothyroid or hypochondriac?", "description": "36yo white female. 5'1\" 170 pounds.\n\nHistory of depression since first child was born 5 years ago, anxiety, back and neck pain x 10 years. Fatigue, brain fog, apathy, hair loss, overheating, palpitations are primary concerns. Vitals and general bloodwork look pretty normal across the board. Surgical history includes hysterectomy last year and ankle ORIF-then-hardware-removal surgeries several years ago. Ongoing care includes facet joint rhizotomies in cervical and thoracic spine, both sides.\n\nMarried, full-time working mother of 2 with stable family and personal life. No smoking, no recreational drug use, habitual red wine drinker (2-4 glasses most days, able to cease consumption without any problem when desired).\n\nCurrent meds: Prozac 40mg, Singulair 5mg, Motrin 800mg, all 1x/day. Biotin supplement, thyroid supplement, and 10,000iu VitD for the past several days.\n\nI have had the possibility of thyroid issues dismissed by multiple doctors and I still question whether there may be something going on. Most recent thyroid labs indicated TSH of 1.75 u[IU]/mL and a free T4 of 0.58 ng/dl. Original labs from 2 years ago (same weight, similar meds) were TSH 1.11 and free T4 of 0.79.\n\nI do have thyroid nodules, some of which were approaching 1 cm at last scan. \n\nDespite working with my psychiatrist to optimize meds for the depression and poor mental state overall (Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, Cymbalta, Ativan, Buspar, several newer drugs including Rexulti and Trintellix, etc.), I have not found relief from major depression symptoms. Last year I lost and then regained about 35 lbs with no major cessation of symptoms.\n\nI have read that low free T4 with normal TSH and with symptoms of hypothyroid, a pituitary issue of some sort is sometimes present. I am probably somewhere on the hypochondriac-no-really-stop-Googling spectrum.\n\nLast week, I began eating low carb and taking a thyroid supplement and all of the hypothyroid symptoms have virtually disappeared. Should I insist on seeing an endocrinologist to explore further, or just keep doing what I'm doing? Or is there another option I'm missing?\n ", "answer": "Low free T4 in the absence of low TSH could be a primary pituitary problem, but your levels don't look so remarkably low to me. That said, it depends somewhat on the lab, and I am not an endocrinologist.\n\nThe thyroid supplement you're taking is a pretty generic multivitamin with extra iodine and L-tyrosine; it's not doing anything for your thyroid unless for some reason you're iodine deficient, which is exceedingly rare in the first world and would have other issues. I think what's most effective for you is probably the change in diet and some placebo effect. Which is fine!\n\nIf you're feeling better I think it makes the most sense to continue doing what you're doing. You could talk to a doctor about those thyroid numbers but I don't know that you need to jump to an endocrinologist.\n\nOh, and it's probably not great to drink that much wine. There is a decent body of evidence that heavier alcohol use, even if it's not an alcohol use disorder, correlates with worse depression and, in fact, at least one study showing that it may reduce response to Prozac specifically [(paper here, if you're interested)](https://ac.els-cdn.com/S0033318296715153/1-s2.0-S0033318296715153-main.pdf?_tid=ce85c95a-8141-4385-af72-f47dcd45033b&acdnat=1524265927_5303329ab80534283ebce43672a66f97).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8dq4lo", "comment_id": "dxpgz9q"}, {"question": "Why do girls ask \"why do you like/love me?\" and how would you answer?", "description": "I hear this a lot and had this happen to me recently. It seems whatever answer I give doesn't feel good enough due to the reaction on her face or the tone of her voice.\n\nI'd say things like \"you make me happy and feel so comfortable where I can be myself\" (cheesy words and the like)\n\nWhat would you girls want/expect to hear?", "answer": "My answer over the past 18 years of marriage:\n\n\"Uh, dat ass. Obviously.\"\n\n... like there's another possible answer to this question. :rollseyes:", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "irxgh", "comment_id": "c266lul"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [19] of 6 months drunkenly told me [23/m] about how her dad sexually abuses her when she's home on holidays. She told me not to bring it up when she's sober and I don't know how to handle it.", "description": "We've been dating for six months now and we're both in university. In her drunken state, she told me he's been sneaking to her room and touching her since she was 11. She won't tell anyone because she wants to keep her family together. She also made me promise not to bring it up when she's sober. It's doing my head in that I can't talk to her about this. What should I do?", "answer": "I think you need to pick a time when a) you're both sober and b) emotions are not running high for any reason and sit her down for a talk. This talk should be about *your* feelings, which should be book-ended by how much you care about her, and how this puts you in the painful position of knowing this terrible thing happened to her and (I'm guessing) wishing you could protect her but being bound by your promise to do or say nothing to her or anyone else about it. This way you're not forcing her to do anything, you're just expressing your feelings. \n\nHere's the thing. Secrets are the quickest way to poison a relationship--and they're a big part of an abusive relationship like the one she apparently has with her father. I realize you made a promise, but if you keep that promise your relationship will sour and be awful for you both, one way or another. If you break the promise there is the possibility that a) the relationship remains strong b) gets even *stronger* and c) your girlfriend gets help dealing with this which could lead to an even better relationship. \n\nOr it leads to a break up. But you will know you did not help enable the abuse she's been experiencing and that perhaps, in the future, she will be very grateful to you regardless of your relationship's outcome.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "48j0wf", "comment_id": "d0kc58q"}, {"question": "When should i tell my employer i have an overseas trip coming?", "description": "So it's not so simple. I found the perfect casual job today. Had my interview/trial at a nice izakaya(japanese bar) and the owner was nice, everyone was nice and the atmosphere was great. Few small mistakes here and there but i took note of everything and got along well. \n\nSo the problem is i have a short family vacation in a few weeks(20th of july) and i will be away for 10 days. The normal weekly shifts will be 3 days per week so i've calculated i would miss 4 if i went away. For this week i am suppose to come everyday until saturday to be trained. I want the highest chance that my employer will keep me without canceling my trip. Should i tell him tomorrow? End of the week after training finished? End of next week when i have received my first pay? \n\n\nLittle background info: 22yo uni student in town thats hard to land a casual job. Ldr gf is also coming along the trip and i only see her twice a year, so canceling it would be such a hassle for me, my family and gf.\n\n\nTLDR; When should i tell i have a short overseas trip coming up? I did the interview already but i was never asked if i had any upcoming unavailability.", "answer": "As soon as possible. If you've been hired, its because they assume you will be a good worker - no need to prove that you are. \n\nIf you wait, sure they might trust you more, but chances are they trust you already because they hired you. If you wait, you're also potentially making things harder for them , and they may wish that you had told them sooner.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8clkk", "comment_id": "eslwcvs"}, {"question": "Movies about Recovery", "description": "I watched the movie Flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial. I found it to be a really great, inspiring movie. It does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch. I did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a Yuengling bottle, my poison of choice). \nAre there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours? ", "answer": "I saw the documentary Anonymous People a while back. It was phenomenal film. Chris Herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1t0jvc", "comment_id": "ce35sw6"}, {"question": "The on again off again binge drinker", "description": "Hello all, 27 M here.\n\nI just discovered this sub reddit today and I'm hoping this community could be what I need. I don't have the support from any person to truly help.\n\nI have the parents that say \"Stop drinking\"... yea, big help. The Girlfriend who says \"We'll do it together\"....and doesn't follow through. The best friend and brother who say \"I need to quit already\"... and show up to my place with beers for the game.\n\nI've felt I've always had a strong will power but maybe not since I have been able to stop in the past but then fall back down. \n\nI decided I was going to be the forerunner for everyone. Quit smoking and drinking COLD TURKEY for 2 months. Everyone said if I could do it for a month they would join my quest. After 2 months and no support I lost hope and came back down to their level. It was disheartening that my efforts went unnoticed and I was truly alone on it. Slight depression hit and I gave in.\n\nI'm not an everyday drinker but if there is a big sports game to watch, some big event (concert), party, or even just going to the bar on the weekend I binge drink. Which pretty much turns into every other night of drinking. $100+ tabs a night every time. *(I don't want to turn that number into a pissing contest.)*\n\nI've come to the point I'm living week to week on paychecks. When I was once comfortable with finances. I know the AMAZING FEELING it is to be sober. I miss it. I want it. I'm having trouble getting it back.\n\nThere seems to be no middle ground with me when it comes to drinking. I agree with the expression \"Everything in moderation.\" but this is one thing I cannot do moderately. It's always over the top. Once I start it continues in my lifestyle.\n\nIt's not easy to do. Especially when all my friends use drinking as a focal point to going out and being social. I've gone out while sober with them for extended periods of time. I found I was out of the loop and not enjoying myself as much as everyone else. As sad as that is to say. I don't need booze to enjoy everything, it's that aspect of the lifestyle of going to bars to hang with friends. I'm also not going to stop being friends with them over it. They are great people.\n\nSo I became a shut-in when not drinking. It became easier to avoid any temptation of drinking but it kills my social life. It also hurts my relationship with my girlfriend when she wants to get out, but I know what that turns into.\n\nIt's either a \"ALL OR NOTHING\" type of situation for me. \n\nI've done it before. I can do it again. This time I just need to find how I can deal with being able to be social with all these drinkers without partaking in the drinking myself...and keep it up. Maybe even try to figure out how to moderate my drinking while being social but I just don't know how or know if I want to at all.\n\n**I'd greatly appreciate anyone's advice, opinion, and experiences with this.**\n\nThank you for taking the time to read this.\n\n\nThis sub reddit shouldn't use these but I'll give it anyways.\n\nTL;DR : I have the ability to quit, done it, yet failed on and off many times. Looking for ways to stay sober and socially active without the booze with heavy drinking friends.", "answer": "I think the biggest problem among binge drinkers trying to get sober is when they get some sobriety under their belt and reward themselves with a drink starting yet another binge. I started as a binger before becoming a daily drinker and I know exactly how you feel. I think what's important is to have an idea of what you want. Do you want to take an extended leave before coming back, do you want to quit drink entirely? \n\nI personally would recommend complete abstinence. Most of us alcoholics have found that no matter how long we stay sober if we go back it becomes just as bad as it was when we stopped before. \n\nYou definitely have one of the key markers of an alcoholic binge drinker in the no ability to moderate statement, so if I were you I'd look into some of the support groups for alcohol, those being AA, SMART, LifeRing, etc. \n\nLastly, if you do get involved with one of those groups or are thinking about, but unsure post here and we can offer you our experiences. \n\nGood luck and I hope to see you around.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq7hf", "comment_id": "cacpfmz"}, {"question": "Wow yay my brother threw up this morning!! (!!! kill me)", "description": "*Trigger Warning blahblahblah* - \nHe has a really bad coughing problem that he's been developing again (he had acid reflux and esophagitis as a child.) It's especially bad in the morning. Apparently he was coughing a ton and before he knew it he got sick. Of course now I'm freaking out, scared he's actually really ill and that I may catch it. Time for bland foods and anxiety attacks for the rest of the week!! Yay! I love this phobia! :( ", "answer": "My husband has thrown up from coughing hard a handful of times... if that's what your brother thinks it is, I'm sure that's what it is! You can relax!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "6d3b12", "comment_id": "dhzn6x6"}, {"question": "procrastinating", "description": "i\u2019m going into a really good college in a few months and i really want to do well. i have a hard time getting work done right away because i procrastinate until last minute. how can i manage my time better and stop procrastinating?", "answer": "Get a planner. I really like Passion Planners because they have both monthly and weekly breakdowns, and the weekly ones are also broken up by the hour. They also have lots of space for extra notes and little motivational quotes which is nice.\n\nSchedule EVERYTHING you need to do. Write it down in a specific time block, say, at 3:30pm on Wednesday you're going to work on your essay for 1 hour, for example. Stick with smaller time blocks - the longer I give myself, the more time I have to get distracted by stuff. I need the pressure of having a short deadline.\n\nBreak down big projects into smaller tasks that you can do one at a time. So for the essay example - I don't know your writing speed/style - you either say \"I'll start at 3:30 and have a bullet point outline done by 4:30\" or \"I'll start at 3:30 and have 2 paragraphs written by 4:30\". Pick something that's not only reasonable, but downright EASY for you to accomplish. Something you KNOW you can do no problem. That way you get the good feeling of having accomplished it, and heck maybe you'll go above and beyond your original goal in that hour, which feels awesome. \n\nSince you're going to college, write out your class schedule in your planner first. Then, for each day, block out some \"study time\" and DEDICATE that time to a specific class. Say you have Math on MWF at 1pm - schedule a Math Study Hour for, say, 2pm on Mondays and Wednesdays - the closer to class time the better so you can take what you just learned in the class and do homework, make study materials like flashcards or outlines, do readings in the textbook, or even just re-write your notes. \n\nMake sure EVERY class has this dedicated study time. It can be 1 hour or 2 1-hour periods or whatever works for you. But plan that shit ahead of time. Think of your day like a typical 9-5 workday. Fill every hour with class or study time, THEN at 5 or whenever you're done, you don't have to study anymore. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n...also, don't be like me a few years ago and think you can schedule 8am classes on MWF and 11am classes on T-Th and think you get to sleep in every other day... that's how to guarantee your sleep cycle gets fucked and you start missing those MWF classes. Wake up around the same time every day, if you have extra time that's good Study Time.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8nh4o", "comment_id": "esokrlg"}, {"question": "Treating depression made my hyperactive symptoms worse?", "description": "So recently I\u2019ve been on a new depression med and it works great! The problem is that with more energy = bouncy legs, racing thoughts, twitching around etc. It hits worst when I\u2019m laying in bed trying to sleep, or at a bus station waiting or something. I thought I was mostly inattentive but now I\u2019m wondering if it\u2019s a mixed issue. It reminds me of someone saying that treating mental health can be like draining a clogged sink only to find dirty dishes at the bottom. The more control I have over my depression, the more clear my ADHD symptoms become. \n\nAnyone else deal with this?", "answer": "It\u2019s worth noting that some people can develop something known as akathisia when starting or stopping antidepressants or other medications. Akathisia is an internal sense of restlessness that creates a feeling of needing to move constantly as well as other symptoms that can look like anxiety. If it continues, you may wish to speak with your doctor. It all depends, of course, on whether or not the possible side effects are tolerable for you and if the benefits you\u2019re getting outweigh them.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "czhpfv", "comment_id": "ezl30ms"}, {"question": "[22/m]Unstable Relationship", "description": "Hey Guys,\n\nHonestly I don't really know where to start - this is my first time posting here and I don't know what to expect out of this. But I'll start with a little backstory:\n\nI started having feelings for this girl about 3 years ago when we were working together - she was 17, I was 19. I told her how I felt, and she basically said she'd rather be friends (I was also with someone at the time). We continued to work together, and became best friends about a year later. I stopped thinking of her as someone I really liked, and more as my best friend.\n\nThis summer while at a staff gathering she pulled my aside and told me that she liked me back then when I told her I did - but she wasn't ready. One thing led to another and I fell for her.... hard. We began a committed relationship July 27, and I couldn't have been happier. We had tons of time to hang out, and everything was fantastic. I was with the love of my life.\n\nSchool started and we were both super busy. She was stressed, and was new to relationships (this is/was her first one) I was understanding (to my knowledge) but she linked her stress with our relationship. She called me one morning and told me basically that she would rather hang out with her friends and make time for them, than me.. and that she just didn't want to have a boyfriend.\n\nI told her to take her time and think, and we talked later that day. She said she was being unreasonable and still loved me - and couldn't imagine being without me. She said she wouldn't do that again to me - and that she wouldn't be saying it if she didn't want to be with me for long term. Things were again great for about a month leading into today. She had been acting a bit distant - no more I love you's, so I asked her if everything was alright.\n\nShe said no - and she wanted to think about things (same thing as before). I called her, trying to figure out what was wrong and she said that her lifestyle just wasn't meant for a boyfriend, and that she doesn't think it's what she wants. The only thing that is making her not want to end it is the pain she'd cause me and the loss of her best friend.\n\nThe way I interpreted that is basically that she doesn't think that i'm worth making the effort of being in a relationship for anymore. And I understand that.. it's just her wording. Because she said she was still happy with me and everything that's going on. So I'm confused.\n\nShe is also going away to her friends university this weekend - and as much as I doubt she's doing this to have \"freedom\" while she's away it is in the back of my mind.\n\nBasically - I'm coming here almost knowing that i'm losing the love of my life and my best friend. All i'm looking for is the proper approach to the situation, and anything I should bring up when we finally talk. I don't want to keep her in something she doesn't want, nor something she isn't going to be happy with. \n\n**TL;DR**: Girlfriend said that she doesn't want a boyfriend - and is stressed about our relationship for the second time as much as she is happy in it. This is her first relationship. Looking for advice/an approach to take when we talk.", "answer": "She doesn't want to have a boyfriend but she enjoys spending time with you. You have to accept it for what it is, or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77n0j0", "comment_id": "don4b51"}, {"question": "\"You're not fun on your Adderall\"", "description": "I'm told I'm bland, lifeless, and most importantly not fun. It has now officially come to the point where every person I have dated seems to see my medicine as an enemy.\n\nIt has taken many years of crafting fake laughs, fake smiles, and fake enthusiasm to please those around me when I'm medicated. They want a bubbly version of me. They want the extrovert.\n\n\"Why don't u go off it?\" Because its my lifeline for completing tasks like a normal person.\n\"Why don't you do a lower dose?\" Because the lower the dose the less of an affect it has and the quicker it seems to wear off.\n\nI'm sad today because if I want to be 'fun' then I have to sacrifice my ability to function normally. Plus, the cuteness of my clumsiness, loud remarks, and forgetfulness only lasts so long before you will only become frustrated with me.", "answer": "Although I haven't had it to this extreme I've experienced similar. Before I started taking Adderall I was a lot more impulsive and drank way too much. Since I started taking it, one of the noticeable and unexpected differences for me is I can actually very easily drink in moderation and know when to cut myself off. \n\n\nI've had a couple of friends say things like \"I don't want to lose the old you just because you're taking the medication\" and get frustrated when I say I'm done drinking well before I'm hyper, loud, and obnoxious drunk. \n\n\nIf we were all still in our 20's, I might feel differently than I do and think \"ya know what, maybe I need to cut loose a little more\". Being almost 33, I don't really feel the need or desire to party like I'm in college any more, at least nowhere near as often.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cg7zw9", "comment_id": "eug5mw8"}, {"question": "Quick Question: I have No Feelings for Animals Whatsoever, What Might This Mean?", "description": "I don't have a history of bad experiences with animals. I don't feel this way towards humans. \n\nAnimal cruelty or torture does not have the effect on me as it seems to have on other people. Seeing a video of a person being murdered makes me upset, sad, horrified, and all that, but the same done to an animal provokes no special feeling.\n\nWhat gives? Where should I go for answers? Is this even a big deal? ", "answer": "I don't think I've ever seen videos of animal abuse, so I don't know how it would make me feel. I like animals and I've owned animals and treated them well, but I don't have nearly the compassion that most of reddit seems to have. \n \nI think that the most compassionate and \"right\" feelings are voted up by the majority, creating a false consensus effect on how people feel about animals. I see stuff like \"I'd choose my dog over my boyfriend any day!\" and just think \"well that's weird.\" and I DO think it's weird- I don't think it really represents the majority of the world. To most people, animals are animals. Not people. \n \nI don't think anything is wrong with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1t008v", "comment_id": "ce2z5se"}, {"question": "Obsession with being forgotten", "description": "Hello, I'm a 25 years old male. It's my first post on this sub. If im breaking any rules, sorry in advance. I'm not trying to be edgy, my only goal is to find the problem and fix it.\n\n10 years ago, I tried to break-up with my ex gf and it resulted with her suicide attempt. At first, I felt terrible, prayed for her non-stop and stayed in the hospital until she recovered. However, as soon as she recovered(the moment she step outside of hospital), I lost all of my interest towards her and her suicide gave me a great sense of importance (exp: I'm so important for her, she rather die than living without me.) Ever since then, I'm obsessed with being forgotten.\n\nA month ago, I ended a long-term relationship and had to do some cleaning on my phone and laptop(She and i had thousands of pics,vids together). Although i was being exposed to our past memories, I've never felt a thing. She even tried to get back together but i refused because I'm way happier without her. However, I was looking for some notes for my up coming exam and i came across to her profile in one of our mutual study groups. She seemed to getting over me and that terribly upset me and it got me thinking, I have no positive or negative feeling towards her, but the idea of her getting over me is unbearable. Then i remembered, even though i was in a very happy relationship with her, i always checked my ex gf's profiles to see if they're getting over me or not. I still have obsessive ex's that still text me and try to get in touch with me although im ignoring them for years, however when they stop trying to contact with me for a month or so, I feel awful, even tho their obsession with me makes my love life miserable and harder. I have no intention to be with them but whenever they hopelessly get in touch with me I get a sort of 'high' out of it.(really hard to explain, like a adrenaline rush. Even makes me dizzy for a short period of time).\n\nI know it's not love but i can't find a reason why im obsessed with such thing. Is there something wrong with me or it's a normal thing everyone experiences?\n\nSorry for the grammar errors and typo's. English is not my native language.", "answer": "Most things are normal and it depends on the level of effect the thing is having on your life. If it\u2019s distressing and impacting your life negatively then it\u2019s probably something you want to go unpack with a therapist. There can be attachment needs that we are trying to get met and sometimes we go about it in a way that isn\u2019t helping and is in fact causing more problems for us. So while you don\u2019t seek the ex\u2019s who get in touch you do get something out of it (feel good and feel important, get attention) and may reinforce their behaviour in some way because of the high you get. Because totally! We feel good when we get attention, when we feel like we matter to people, and when we feel wanted. So even though the way you\u2019re getting the need met isn\u2019t the favourable one and is causing some distress, it does serve a purpose. \n\n\nDo you feel that your wanting to be important to someone has influenced the type of girl/woman you\u2019re or have been attracted to? Are they ones that feed the need over the top/intense (where it was more obsessive as you said)? The intensity could feel really good to you as it\u2019s sooo much feeling of love, want, need, and makes you feel even more that you matter to them. Feeds the need yet the intensity is a warning sign they will be too attached which leads to difficulties and the end of the relationship.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "edn6z3", "comment_id": "fblvdku"}, {"question": "I'm (25/f) trying for a baby with my SO (28/m). I'm worried he wont be a hands on dad.", "description": "Me and my partner are trying for a baby. we've been doing it for a few months but haven't been successful yet. My SO is amazing. He's caring, kind, and considerate. But he can be lazy when it comes to home stuff. \n\nHe works shifts doing 12 hour day and night shifts. He does get a lot of time off though but spends most of it on his PC or sleeping. He doesn't cook meals and will begrudgingly do the dishes once a week if i beg him to. This worries me when we are faced with being parents. We live on our own. My family are 100 miles away, his family is over 200 miles away. We have next to no support network where we live and I'm worried his laziness is going to leave me frazzled. \n\nWhenever I approach the topic he always says hes going to step up when the baby arrives but thats hard to believe when he cant leave the wet towels in the bathroom. ", "answer": "Babies only cause extra stress-- they don't magically change someone's behavior. In fact, having a baby usually only exacerbates problems that already exist. 67% of couples who have a baby describe their relationship as worse off after having a baby. (John Gottman, Baby Makes Three, 2008). Fix your relationship BEFORE a baby comes, because having one will not fix the issues that are currently there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20j8oy", "comment_id": "cg3smqm"}, {"question": "Taking very long poops", "description": "I'm not officially diagnosed yet but I have been referred to a psych by my doc. Ever since I was a kid I have always taken at least a minimum of 25 mins and at the longest 1 hour to poop. I just sat there and played my gameboy or something (I currently have replaced that with reddit). I was just wondering of you guys take super long poops like me? ", "answer": "Yup. I get on reddit/Facebook/emails and stay there so long my leg falls asleep. Just total space cadet", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2dp08w", "comment_id": "cjse76e"}, {"question": "Could I be developing psychosis?", "description": "Last year, I started college and lived in a one-person suite. I\u2019m a bit on the shyer side, so I didn\u2019t make very many friends, and I eventually developed depression and my anxiety got worse. I did become considerably more isolated, and I didn\u2019t have anything to do but to think and think. I eventually started having existential thoughts like never before, and I would be consumed by these thoughts and couldn\u2019t fathom how we came into existence. Then I read somewhere on reddit about the simulation theory, and I started believing we lived in a simulation, and was constantly scared by that thought. \n\nAbout a year later, I live with 4 people and I\u2019m friends with all of my roommates and we hang out a lot together. I also socialize with my high school friends a lot, and I\u2019ve made a lot more friends. I still have depression and anxiety, but I\u2019m seeing a therapist now and I\u2019ve gotten considerably better. However, I had a bad weed trip a few days ago and experienced a sort of weed-induced psychosis where I started thinking about existence again and started trying to connect it with the government and it scared me into having a panic attack. I\u2019m better now, but it\u2019s making me think I might be developing psychosis.", "answer": "No. \n\nPeople who are depressed experience a range of distressing thoughts, some of which may question our existence, what's the purpose, etc. \n\nLay off the drugs, though. If, by chance, there is a genetic predisposition for a psychotic disorder, substance use may increase the likelihood of its eventual manifestation. Also, if your parents are okay, I'd rest assured.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egkghz", "comment_id": "fc77ahy"}, {"question": "Rant: Can we stop fighting with each other about who has it worse? An open letter to this sub", "description": "So. Before you read this \\- if you even read this \\- full disclosure: I was a little bit upset and am wrote this for catharsis not that long ago after being told by a few people in this sub that my ADHD experiences aren't valid. This was for myself, but I decided to post this in case someone has experienced something similar.\n\nBecause I am posting this to r/ADHD:\n\nTl;Dr: \n\n* Every single one of us has been 'blessed' with a set of challenges, and just because someone is good at hiding those challenges from you or chooses not to divulge, doesn't mean they don't have their own obstacles to overcome;\n* Every single one of us is responsible for own behavior, and for managing our disorders \\- officially diagnosed or not \\- regardless of the cause;\n* I repeat: Even if this is \"who we are\", it is just the \"way our brains are wired\" and \"not our fault\", this does not absolve us of responsibility for our actions nor does it excuse us from trying to better ourselves;\n* ADHD symptoms are diverse \\- just because somebody talks about a specific experience or difficulty does not mean that they don't experience other symptoms, nor does it mean that they \"don't actually have ADHD\";\n\nDear r/ADHD:\n\n \nWhen I first saw you, it was love at first sight. I am now 30 years old, and have only been officially diagnosed for a little bit more than a year, but my psychologist that I was seeing for anxiety had been spending months trying to convince me that I had ADHD. And, similar to someone trying to set me up on a blind date, M felt that you and I would have connection, and that I would be able to relate to all your stories and experiences. So I reluctantly agreed to meet you for a coffee date. And she was right. I fell in love, and I thought I finally found someone who understood the \"real me\".\n\nListening to your stories and advice, I couldn't actually believe that my reality wasn't the neurotypical experience! You sympathized when I blew up at my family *yet again* and reminded me that it's not my fault! ADHD is an executive functions disorder, and it's *normal* for us to go from 0\\-60 in an instant. We get stuck in these loops! You sympathized when I missed paying my bills. Or when I almost lost my job. You even helped me come to terms as to why I dropped out of university. I won't go into too much detail, but you gave me confidence. You made me feel like I could do more, be more.\n\nAfter I came up with a treatment plan, no small thanks to you, I continued to come visit and would try to help others that were not sure of their diagnosis. And for awhile, things were great! I would ask questions about how other people were dealing with certain symptoms, provide some feedback on techniques that worked for me \\(super simplified non\\-fancy bullet journal, you are awesome for me!\\) and ones that did not \\(Pomodoro Technique \\- I tried, I really tried... but you just brought me way too much stress\\), and try to provide words of comfort where I could. Things started to become dark though. \n\nThe transition was slow, almost imperceptible, but I slowly started noticing that whenever I would come visit, I would leave in a bad mood. I would comment on how I tried this organizational technique and it worked for me and to make it simpler by removing this, or how that technique did not work for me because it was too complicated, or how motivation IS hard, but that there are some small hacks that can cut the edge off. Like rewarding yourself \\(Note: A bribe is NOT a reward. Bribes do not work. Rewards can.\\). Like telling yourself to just start, and you can stop after a minute. Or by figuring out what you CAN do that will get you closer to your goal, but doesn't seem to hard. \\(I don't want to go to the gym, but I guess I COULD put on my shoes. Or pack my bag\\). Instead of being supportive or offering your perspective, you would started to berate me. You would tell me that society just isn't built for people like me and that I needed to accept that I will never be more than my diagnosis. That other people had to adapt to my short comings, because I have a disability. Or my favorite? If I had JUST been born in the hunter\\-gatherer society, I would be revered, but because I am born in this day and age, I am not worthy. While this might be true, I am pretty sure that I would have been killed by a bear with how \"in my own head\" I can be. The sad part? I started to believe you. I started to believe that I was entitled to people adapting around my limitations. I started to believe that I needed to accept that I would never really achieve anything because I didn't have the attention span nor the ability to do anything meaningful. \n\nThen you made me feel like I didn't belong. \n\nNow, this next part is on me: I stopped sharing my experiences with you. \n\nI didn't see the point in telling you about how I almost offended a client by blurting something out that was very inappropriate. Or how I forgot my cell phone on a plane. Or even how I put my assigned work laptop on the concrete next to the driver side door while packing up the rental car. I was leaving the clients site after a long week and trying to make my flight. In my haste, I drove off. Meaning, yes, I left a $3,000 laptop on a curb in a parking lot and flew back home halfway across the world. Yeah... the bosses weren't so understanding on that one. I didn't feel the need to share, because I figured out with the support of my family how to mitigate that. And honestly? I'm still embarrassed. \n\nBut I would still read posts on organizational techniques, because that is still something I have trouble with.\n\nI don't know if you were trying to get a rise out of me, I don't know if you were in a dark place yourself, but on one such organization post, you told me that although I technically might have ADHD because I forget things, people with *real* ADHD have issues with prioritization and motivation, not working memory, and if this helps me, it's because I don't actually have ADHD, or my ADHD is so mild it is inconsequential. You then quoted Dr. Barkley about how people with ADHD are not stupid, and that we should stop treating them as if they were. I was upset, but I thought that this was perhaps a one\\-time thing.\n\nI learned it was not.\n\nI started coming around with another account, and mostly lurked. That is when your dark side really became apparent. People complaining and not taking responsibility for their actions or expecting other to fix their messes, people invalidating my or other people's experiences whenever whenever someone dared to contradict, or offer a suggestion. People putting other people down, or even telling them that they didn't belong on this sub because the could not possibly have ADHD. \n\nAt what point did this become a contest about who has it worse? Why do we feel like we feel like we have the right to judge and tear each other down, especially here?\n\nNow, most of us are not like this, but unfortunately, it's the ones you wish you could forget that you remember the most.\n\nThe truth is. Maybe you are who you've always been. Maybe I am the one who changed.\n\nI then realized something: I am confident in my diagnosis. I am confident that my psychologist, my psychiatrist and my family have it right.\n\nAlso: Despite what you were saying, I know that although that ADHD IS a part of me, **I am so much more than just someone with ADHD.** I am an intellectual, and I love gaining knowledge. Even before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I would read at least two books a month. I am a creator, and I love bringing new ideas and insights to light using data. I am a loving wife who regularly makes her husband laugh after a long day. I am an adventure\\-lover who loves taking off into the wild for a weekend with friends. I am a mother to a fur\\-baby who acts as if her world revolves around me, because it does. I am a data scientist \\- a dream you said there is now way I would ever achieve because it would require too much focus. And yes, I am also someone with ADHD.\n\nI will be damned if I LET you define who I am, or how I should be.\n\nC\n\n**Edit: Guys, I'm overwhelmed. But in a good way!!**\n\nAfter I wrote this post, I turned my notifications off after the first comment rolled in and was shocked when I turned on Reddit this morning on the train. I assumed that nobody would read this, or that I would be downvoted to oblivion. I will properly respond to everyone once I'm at a computer.", "answer": "It breaks my heart a little seeing how negative people can be about their diagnosis. I have never been personally attacked, I try to give advice where I can. I\u2019ve not only dealt with this my entire life, both unmedicated and medicated, but I\u2019m in the last stretch of my psych phd so experience + a ridiculous amount of studying. \n\nIt sucked sitting in a classroom listening to how people with my diagnosis (adhd combined type severe\u2014though it\u2019s gotten significantly better hyperactivity wise in the last three years) are basically fucked. That\u2019s what the research says. But what\u2019s funny is that in my actual day to day life, I have yet to meet someone with adhd who isn\u2019t succeeding/doing something they enjoy etc. \n\nSo yeah it makes me really sad when people post just shitting all over themselves are their chance at success because of their DX. But I\u2019ve stopped trying to help those people because honestly they don\u2019t seem to want it. If you are sure you aren\u2019t going to succeed in this world, you won\u2019t. Adhd makes shit harder, I also know my different way of thinking makes me a valuable team member (as long as the team is okay with shit happening last minute). Our brains are spider webs, and it takes time and routine and strategy and tears and failures and trying new things and mother fucking grit, but we can learn how to be bad ass spiders whose moves are disciplined and deliberate rather than flies caught in our own webs. \n\nAt 6 I was diagnosed with adhd, And also with dysgraphia, which\u2014fun fact\u2014was the rarest of all LD\u2019s accounting for only 4% of all LD diagnoses (they use different language now for that too). I was fortunate though, my IQ is kinda ridiculous. So! My parents told me I didn\u2019t have LD or ADHD though, they actively denied it, but expected me to perform at my IQ level. All my symptoms were seen as laziness. They ruined learning for me for a long time. The thing I heard the most was \u201cif you had actually tried, you would have done better.\u201d \n\nI had issues socializing. My grades sucked, I couldn\u2019t focus enough to do homework\u2014and then I stopped because if I was going to fail anyway what was the point of trying. And then things changed the first time my friend gave me one of her adderall, and I started using them for big projects/papers and what do you know\u2014my grades went up. I was a straight A student in college, finally got my own script at 22 when I found and read the report from the first time I was tested and diagnosed (did I mention there were two more times? Yeah). Things changed for the better. \n\nAnd then after five years I started abusing my meds and long story short took 14 months off of them. Even though it fucking sucked, I learned the discipline I needed and still got A\u2019s in the two semesters of my phd program. Then shit got real and I had to go back on them because I CAN write a paper without my meds, I just didn\u2019t have the extra time to do it slowly. \n\nI haven\u2019t paid my rent on time in a year, I refuse to have a credit card because I know I\u2019ll forget to pay it, I have also lost a laptop\u2014and almost lost two others but realized and went back, i once lost the same homework assignment three fucking times (handwritten), I have zero short term memory but a crazy detailed long term memory, I have very little control over my mouth in social settings, I have accidentally called therapy clients \u201cbro\u201d, I have to leave the snooze button on to make sure I get out of the house on time otherwise I swear I just fucking time travel....\n\nI know I\u2019m lucky being smart, it means I can brute force my way through a lot of things. But this phd program.... it takes a lot more than smart to be successful. I had to learn how to be a good student. And sometimes are better than others... for example I played video games BEFORE starting my report and now it\u2019s 3am and whoops! I knew better, I did it anyway. Like you said, rewards not bribes lol. \n\nAnyway, I\u2019m sorry you\u2019ve had this negative experience. I love hearing from other people who are figuring this shit out ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "8nalcg", "comment_id": "dzvaztt"}, {"question": "Struggling to find a therapists in network and feeling just so lost and alone, advice appreciated!", "description": "Hi, everyone, I actually just joined Reddit to find a community to help me with this issue. I have hit a wall lately and I need some help with what I think may be depression stemming from communication issues within in a relationship (I don't actually know what is wrong to be honest which is why I am trying to find help). The process of trying to find someone has been awful and I have never felt so lost and alone before.\n\nAbout three months ago I realized I needed to get serious about this problem and seek out the help of a therapist. My boyfriend of 5 years would like to take part in this process with me as we struggle with communication and it is the root of a lot of problems. He acknowledges that we would both benefit from this process together. We live in a very expensive state in the US and while I am lucky to have a good job, I don't have much of an expendable income left over to pay for a therapist out of pocket after my monthly rent and bills. My health insurance will cover 80% of the cost of therapy which is why I need to stay in-network. I have been using my insurance provider finder tool and psychology today to research therapists in my city that are within my network, but I cannot seem to find anyone who is accepting new clients. I have been searching in my free time (breaks and evenings) for the past three months and have been repeatedly told time and time again that, \"sorry, I am not taking new clients at this time.\" I started this process so hopeful and I have now resorted to crying after each rejection. I feel like we are becoming more desperate for help but there is no one to help us that we can afford.\n\nWe have looking at MFT but have exhausted the resources in my network (all rejections unfortunately). We looked at out of network options, but really can't afford the per session rates being advertised. What else can we be doing? Where else should we be looking? Are we narrowing ourselves too much by looking at MFT? We aren't religious, so faith based therapy is not a good fit for us.\n\nOn a separate note, this has caused me to do some in-depth research into why I am having an issue finding a therapist in-network. I am really beginning to understand how going through our insurance is holding me back, I just can't afford this without it; it feels like a painful catch-22.", "answer": "You don't need to go to an MFT for couple's counseling. Licensed Psychologists, Licensed Professional Counselors, and Licensed Clinical Social Workers can all provide marital/couple's counseling. They're just as trained as LMFT's and probably easier to find. \n\n\nYour other option is to find larger agencies in your area that accept your insurance. Many of them won't advertise on psychologytoday. One way is to type mental health therapy into google maps in your area and research which companies pop up and call them to see if they take your insurance.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "buxy5b", "comment_id": "epj757d"}, {"question": "Almost made it through christmas", "description": "I'm about 2.5 weeks sober and I made it through a Christmas eve party with a bunch of friends and now I'm almost through a small christmas gathering with my sister and her fiance. I decided to not fly home to be with my immediate and extended family, as I knew the temptations would be greater. It's hardly felt like Christmas but at least I made it through without drinking. \n\nSo glad to be able to check in with you all. Hope everyone else had some success getting through the holidays.", "answer": "Awesome to see your dedication is greater than you fear of being uncomfortable in New decisions. What a great start to your work towards a better life. Woot!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y8pya", "comment_id": "cybhag6"}, {"question": "Best friend doesn't trust me with certain things", "description": "I have a good friend who I have known for years now. We got into the same argument over and over and I acted rashly and now they said they do not rely on me anymore and do not trust me with things when they are not a feeling the best, which is what leads to fights to begin with. I am not sure how to fix this issue. Thoughts?", "answer": "Significantly reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your rash acts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7hp6", "comment_id": "dhkmkgl"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure my bf has an interest in males", "description": "He been throwing hits here and there and I'm not sure what to do? Should I confront him? ignore it?leave him? I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about it\n\nEdit: I came across a few messages a year ago and a few months ago about him making plans to meet another guy for a sexual relationship I'm positive it's a guy (been together for 7 years)", "answer": "Are you exclusive?\n\nIf no, there's nothing to confront. \nIf yes, are you willing to trust him?\n - if yes, relax. \n - if no, then you can tell him that you're scared and ask him if he'll talk to you about it. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqx2h", "comment_id": "dj8fp6b"}, {"question": "My good feelings are starting to feel as if they are flattening out.", "description": "I know it's all a part of the process. I know it's something I have to go through. I just hate the negative thoughts. And I'm eating everything. I feel as if I'm starting to get a little down. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAlthough, I'm really proud of today that I didn't drink. I'm really proud that I haven't had a drink or even craved much at all. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don't know. :/\n\nMaybe I'll feel better tomorrow.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nGoodnight SD.", "answer": "I felt this too... i found mindfulness helpful. See www.themindfulnessapp.com... its simple and free and a good place to start if this interested you.\n\nStick with it... i'm 6 months in now and its getting so much easier.\n\nIwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9sknv3", "comment_id": "e8prrwg"}, {"question": "Metformin as a muscle relaxer?", "description": "Greetings all, I (21M) had a question which just struck me after doing some internet searches. I recently went to the doctor to get a checkup about some hip/sciatic nerve pain that I\u2019ve had for months now. The doctor prescribed me a steroid, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer to take at night before bed. I\u2019m not worried about the first to but the Metformin (the doctor claimed is the muscle relaxer) however when I look up Metformin it says it\u2019s a anti-diabetic medicine. I don\u2019t really see anything about it being a type of muscle relaxer. I have never been told about diabetes and as far as I know I do not have diabetes (my grandpa has diabetes and he did a test for me months ago and said as far as he can tell I seem to be alright). \n \nI just want to know if the medicine I was prescribed is correctly prescribed as a muscle relaxer or if it\u2019s incorrectly prescribed? Thanks!", "answer": "I wonder if this was supposed to be metaxolone (Skelaxin) or meloxicam (Mobic) and got messed up somewhere.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7qemg", "comment_id": "fif4ykf"}, {"question": "Where can I snag a lifelike mannequin for body language instruction and to practice different hand shakes etc. ?", "description": "Hello fellow 2013-ers! I am looking for a life-sized mannequin to practice body language techniques with. Things like moving fingers and rotating shoulders would be helpful, but at the very least, I'd like it if they were slightly alterable. Amazon has some fiberglass ones but they aren't very movable and the shipping over there is a bitch. Can you think of some stores where I can find one?", "answer": "A mannequin might be overkill. Why not just practice making expressions in the mirror?\n\nOr, if you want to practice recognizing expressions/postures, watch a movie/tv show and see what the actors are doing?\n\nThis [body language guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/body-language) also gives a few good tips for practicing that don't require the purchase of a mannequin :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "15ur86", "comment_id": "c7q5elp"}, {"question": "Zoloft...", "description": "Was just prescribed Zoloft. Had a hellish experience on Celexa about a month ago that landed me in the ER Twice...\n\nAny positive experiences on Zoloft? No negatives please, my brain will run wild. Thank you in advance ", "answer": "Zoloft has been one of the best meds I've ever taken for OCD.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4ziz68", "comment_id": "d6wf8qv"}, {"question": "Why do people self diagnose ?", "description": "I saw this post on r/tumblr of someone self diagnosing themselves with all sorts of illnesses. \n\nAfter the anger subsided. It made me wonder. Honestly, why do people selfdx? Is it a trend? I notice people tend to self diagnose with certain illnesses more often then others (anxiety, autism(?)) how do they come up with the diagnosis in the first place? \n\nThose who do self diagnose- how has it helped you? Why haven't you sought a psychiatric or psychological assessment? How do you seek treatment without official diagnoses? \n\nEdit: although lots of down voting, I really appreciate everyone that posted some really interesting and valid things. Mental health awareness and access to services seem to be a big issue all over the world, whether health care is paid, free, whether your in a developed or developing nation. Those in rural areas are also greatly affected. We tend to focus on the \"attention seeking self diagnosers\" (myself included) instead of looking at the overarching global problem! Thanks again to everyone and wishing you all the best", "answer": "Simply put, self-diagnoses put labels on symptoms that people don't understand. When they're able to label it, they think they understand it better, and can then treat it better.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68a1gp", "comment_id": "dgxiotu"}, {"question": "I think I have depression, but I'm not sad at all. I'm just mentally and physically exhausted all the time.", "description": "19, male, 5 foot 11, 125 pounds, White British, 5+ years, England, depression maybe?, about to start Effexor (venlafaxine).\n\nAs you can tell by this information I am underweight, I just can't muster the energy to eat.\n\nMy mind is foggy, I can't think, my body aches.\n\nI don't feel sad, I am just tired 24/7 and it's driving me crazy.\n\nI've been on 3 different SSRIs, Zoloft, Prozac and Citalopram. None of them seemed to help me, though Zoloft may have helped bring some colour and clarity back at some point.\n\nI had a blood test for vitamins, minerals, organ function and thyroid. There were no significant deficiencies.\n\nCould I have a sleep disorder? Sleep apnoea perhaps?\n\nI want to be sure before I commit to a serious SNRI like Effexor, I am terrified of losing my sex drive forever or something else equally awful.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "If you have a loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities and decreased energy, then you can be diagnosed with depression. Nevertheless id be ensuring that other common medical conditions are excluded prior to antidepressant use, which seems to have happened. Also given that you had some response to sertraline means that they're probably on the right track.\n\nWhat doses to your antidepressants did you get up to?\n\nEdit: if your sex drive is affected, it wont be permanent, but you should tell the doc. We're not here to torture you with the medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5gqe6u", "comment_id": "daunj5t"}, {"question": "28f with a 36m boyfriend who stonewalls me. I'm near my wits end with this crap.", "description": "Hello community, \nI'm seeking some insight into what my options are for working on my communication issues with my boyfriend. We have been together for a year. He is a teacher (dealing with burnout) and I am a therapist in training. It has come out recently that he has some mixed feelings about my profession. The main thing that seems to bother him is that I like to communicate about feelings. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me. He has been opening up more about his loving feelings. But when he is upset, frustrated or sad he totally shuts down. I pretty much share all of my feelings, so when I share when I am feeling anxious, sad or frustrated he also shuts down. It makes me feel very lonely and unsure if this relationship is going to work for me in the long-run. I love him. I love to travel and go on adventures with him. When things are good they are really good. But I have found that any mention on my part about things not being \"goooood\" sends him into a drawn out episode of silent brooding that I have no insight into-because he will not talk to me.\nThe reason why breaking up hasn't come up is because when things are good, we openly talk about committing to each other long-term. But I must say that this communication issue is causing me to have some doubts. I have suggested that we seek some couples counseling and that seems to also cause him to go into one of his stonewalling fits. I don't think he has yet to give me a solid answer as to whether or not he would be open to going to a counselor with me. \nSo what do ya'll think? Should I give up and move on? Is there something that I am missing here? Hmmmmm....\n\nSmall Update: My boyfriend agreed a few days ago to be available to have a phone conversation about our communication dynamics on Saturday (yesterday). He tried to pull some shit and told me over facebook that his phone was \"missing.\" I called BS on that one and called him on facebook LOL. He was shocked but he took the call. Anyway, instead of bringing up what I was talking with him about earlier this week I explained to him some of the communication dynamics I was noticing between us and I asked him if he had any ideas for how to remedy them. He surprised me by suggesting that we arrange to have a weekly check-in. So right now we are going to make time every Sunday afternoon to have a serious conversation about how our communication is going. I feel good about trying this out. I'll keep everyone updated about how it goes. Thanks for your suggestions. ", "answer": "If you can afford it, find a Gottman certified marriage therapist (obvs don't have to be married)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ykoz6", "comment_id": "dmocktn"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stop talking 20mg of Escitalopram cold turkey?", "description": "* 23 years old\n* Male\n* 6 foot\n* 105kg\n* White Australian\n* Stopped talking my 20mg Lexapro prescription 3 days ago\n* NSW Australia\n* Clinical depression, anxiety and ADHD\n* 20mg Lexapro\n\n \nSo I stopped taking my normal dose of 20mg of Lexapro 3 days ago, am feeling weird side affects (which are apparently normal), and I just wanted some advice on whether or not this could be potentially dangerous. I want to get off my antidepressants, but did not consult my doctor, I just went cold turkey. Is this safe? Should I start taking them again? Thanks :)", "answer": "Not dangerous \u2014 unless your depressive symptoms return. Gradual taper is preferred. (I\u2019m a psychiatrist.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkhaxh", "comment_id": "emlczf6"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend going to cheat on me/ should I abandon the relationship altogether?", "description": "Okay, so I'm in a really tricky situation here and I'm not sure what to do... so the obvious reaction is to take to the internet for help ;)\n\nMy boyfriend [22] of a year and a half has, shall we say, a wandering eye. He is constantly stalking girls he has slept with/ got with on Facebook and Instagram. Last week I found out when he went out he ended up alone with a random girl, who added him on Facebook. He then told me that he had been looking at her profile a lot (practically every day since it happened) and clicking through 100's of pictures. He has assured me that nothing happened, that he was drunk and flattered by the attention.\n\nHowever I recently found out he cheated in his previous relationship of 3 years. He told me it was just a drunken kiss on a night out. He said it happened when he was 19, and has now grown up. Bear in mind I found this out through a friend of his, the first time I heard about it from him was when I confronted him about it.\n\nAnyway, I can't help feeling super anxious about this. Pair the fact that he has a history of cheating, with intensely stalking other girls, and ending up alone with them on nights out and I feel so.. paranoid (I hate that word, but yeah). I already suffer from quite serious depression and anxiety, so I can't say how much of this is a result of my mental health and how much of it is me being realistic.\n\nAm I being totally out of order/ getting into crazy girlfriend territory or do you think I have a reason to be concerned? I want to move on and forgot about the past cheating and current online stalking but I can't help having doubts in the back of my mind. ", "answer": "Get out of this; he doesn't want what you want", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60fn66", "comment_id": "df601j9"}, {"question": "Increasing Potassium", "description": "With a potassium level of 3.1mmol I was trying to increase my daily intake with bananas and coconut water. \n\nI did 150% of RDA or so in those for 3/4 days. \n\nMy levels are now 3.7mmol. \n\nHaving some pvcs I\u2019m keen to get it back over 4. \n\n\nI haven\u2019t been sick so not sure why it got so low. \n\nIs this rate of increase normal?", "answer": "A very rough guide is that 400 mg of potassium will increase your blood level by about 0.1 mmol/L. I'm unaware of any RDA for potassium, but if you went a gram or so extra per day then increasing by 0.6 mmol/L total seems about right.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y97yu", "comment_id": "e293h9t"}, {"question": "At a risk of mental illness/suicide?", "description": "My mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. Once I was like eight and I witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. I still remember. While my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour.\n\nMy sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars.\n\nNone of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. I am 18. If there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean I will have this kind of behaviour too? And whoever comes after me?\n\nTo be honest, I have been having bad thoughts too...", "answer": "That's a tricky question.\n\nResearch does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. There is a HUGE study on this by Kaiser Permanente: it's called the ACE study. Look it up if you like.\n\nThe important takeaway those is that these are correlations, NOT causations. Just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. It's more complex than that. One might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. \n\nThat's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. You can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkiwgn", "comment_id": "f4g2l65"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions. If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy. \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches. If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable. \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative. Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based). If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit). You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc. It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "e4a10en"}, {"question": "[m22] How can I build a relationship with my family?", "description": "Hello Reddit, I was hoping if I can get some advise on building a stronger relationship with my family (mom, dad, sibling etc.) For a very long time I was always the person that would be seen in he corner of the room alone not because people didn't like me, but because I never felt like anyone wanted me so even around family I isolated myself. I would consider myself to be a very soft spoken and easy going person and when I do open myself I always seem to attract people, but I don't feel like I really connect with anyone and it's beginning to really hurt. I have a very loving family and I have a good relationship with a women that loves me more then I deserve, but I don't feel anything inside and I just don't understand it! Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...", "answer": "i would contact one family member with who you have the greatest likelihood of re-connecting. meet for coffee, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xjxs9", "comment_id": "deio231"}, {"question": "Metoprolol succinate 12.5", "description": "25 yo female taking 12.5 mg once daily for palpitations. I was on 25mg up until October when my doctor allowed me to cut my dose in half. Over the past few months I have been experiencing weight gain, hair loss, and general fatigue. Are these normal side effects?\n\nI am thinking of stopping metoprolol but I know quitting cold turkey is usually not recommended. Is 12.5mg a small enough dose where quitting cod turkey would be ok? ", "answer": "Fatigue and lowered mood are possible side effects. Weight gain would be unusual, and hair loss extremely so. What you're describing could be an endocrine problem like hypothyroidism. Has that been tested?\n\n12.5 mg is half a tablet, right? That's the lowest dose, and almost certainty safe to discontinue. It would be hard to find a lower dose to take without special formulation by a compounding pharmacy!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a264k", "comment_id": "dwvagbb"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "gde342i"}, {"question": "How likely is Tricuspid valve stenosis picked up from chest xray?", "description": "Hi, I was diagnosed with tricuspid valve stenosis when i was around 17 and the Doctor said it was very minor and will only need treatment/operation 20,30 years down the line, he used Electrocardiograph to determine this and I recall him saying it was difficult to pick up. \n\nRecently I had to get a chest x-ray as part of a medical for a job and im wondering how likely is it for them to pick it up? Would it be plain as day or quite difficult to tell if they didnt know I already had it. ", "answer": "Difficult. An excellent radiologist might pick up findings and suspect it, but a plain radiograph isn't going to give a definite diagnosis and I think most people would likely miss it entirely.\n\nNot a radiologist myself, though. Maybe the subtle findings are clear as day to the experts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "918tnz", "comment_id": "e2w7aai"}, {"question": "Even some of the smallest changes feel incredible", "description": "Now that I\u2019m over 100 days in I\u2019m feeling so grateful for so much even things that seem insignificant.\n\n- waking up with out a hangover \n- making my bed every morning \n- brushing and flossing my my teeth twice a day \n- washing my face twice a day \n- actually being able to stick to a whitening routine (my teeth are actually whiter for the first time ever!)\n- not wasting all of my sick time/PTO on hangovers! (I already saved up enough PTO to take a weeks vacation!)\n- actually giving my dog the attention and time he deserves!\n- not fighting with my husband over nonsense\n- remembering my moms birthday and taking her out for lunch\n- cleaning my house (still working on this but I\u2019m definitely getting better at it!)\n- consistently writing in a journal \n- early weekend breakfasts \n- sleeping in because I want to not because I\u2019m in to much pain to get up\n- remembering going to bed every night \n- not worrying about getting a DUI or crashing my car \n- not waking up with intense fear and anxiety after black outs\n- being able to recognize when I\u2019ve messed up and own up to it\n\nI have control of my life for what seems like the first time ever, I still have bad days and I still get cravings, but as time goes on they seem to get fewer and far between. \n\nThis sub was the first resource I found once I finally decided things needed to stop once and for all and it definitely put me on the right path, I can\u2019t express how grateful I am for everyone here!\n\nThanks,\nIwndwyt ", "answer": "Well done. Your teeth would thank you if they could \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8utehg", "comment_id": "e1itga7"}, {"question": "I don't want to continue to see my current therapist - Help with how to say it?", "description": "I've had a few sessions with them, but I just don't feel like they're a good fit for me. \n\n\n\\- It has bothered me that each session, they bring up topics from other clients \"I have a client that's going through X\", totally unrelated to what I'm going through. I don't want to know about that stuff. I haven't had a therapist bring up other clients they see, ever. \n\\- I feel some kind of emotional responsibility, that makes me anxious in session, about their mental health. And I haven't experienced this with any of the other few therapists I've seen over several years. \n\\- I feel like the administrative side \\[payment, scheduling appointments\\] feels too casual with lack of definition, which I don't do well with. \n\\- There are a few other things that bother me as well. but I don't want to get too detailed. \n\n\nSo I haven't been in a few weeks, and they texted me \\[also, not something I want with the next therapist I see\\]. I feel I can't ghost them, and need to respond that it's not a good fit. But ugh I hate it! \n\n\nI want to keep it short and sweet... Can I just say something like \"it's been a pleasure, but I just don't think it's a good fit\", which seems insensitive over text.... :(", "answer": "I am very anti-ghosting on therapists, but what you have here is absolutely fine. You don't have to manage their feelings; it's just helpful so that they can open up your slot for new clients, close your file, and not *worry* that something serious or bad has happened to you. \n\nI might say something like, \"Hey, thank you for reaching out. After a couple of sessions, I don't feel that you're the right fit for me. I am not interested in making another appointment. Thanks for your time and best wishes going forward!\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ettuzw", "comment_id": "ffjntsz"}, {"question": "Thinking about an open relationship?", "description": "I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for four years this month. It started in sophomore year of high school. I love her so much and I'd love to marry her and settle down but lately I've been feeling lost. I've only had sex with 2 people her being the second and she's only had sex with 2 people, me being the second. I'm in my 20s and I really want to experience other bodies and explore my sexuality. I want her to do the same and with her being 2 hours away at college I think it'd be easy for her to explore herself. I'm a very jealous hypocritical person and I'm trying to work on that, and the thought of her sleeping with another male bothers me. But I want her to enjoy her college years and I want to enjoy living in the city as a young guy. I'd love to still be with her and give her all my love and affection while we both potentially sleep with other people. I'd love to settle down with her but right now I'm just not ready. And after 4 years of only know two people it's just weighing down on me. What should I do, does this seem like a bad idea? ", "answer": "open relationships are very delicate and only work if both people are 100% comfortable", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ma1fk", "comment_id": "dc23ddf"}, {"question": "Question about duties or responsibilities to patient for psychiatrist", "description": "I'm currently applying for disability in the US, specifically Colorado. I have been seeing my pyschiatrist for 4-5 years and when I informed him that I would be applying for my physical disabilities he encouraged me to also include my mental illness as a disability. My lawyer gave me a form for him to fill out about my level of impairment and treatment history. Apparently that kind of form/info is really helpful for getting approved. \n\nHe does not want to fill out this form and is refusing to fill it out. I was basically wondering if he had any sort of duty or responsibility to fill it out or if it's just an optional thing that he doesn't have to do if he doesn't want to?", "answer": "A doctor generally has no obligation to divulge clinical information to any third party unless obliged by legal proceedings. So yes, it's optional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sh4t4", "comment_id": "dldoqsm"}, {"question": "How to convince friend to see a psychiatrist", "description": "Perhaps I should give some background. I have a friend who, since childhood, has had OCD. As a child the OCD apparently bad but, through therapy, he was able to overcome his problems with symmetry, habitual hand washing, etc. Fast-forward some fifteen years, he recently became very depressed, convinced that his body was plagued by certain pains (minor pains in back, a finger pain, strange swollen feeling in ear). Essentially he saw no point in living, seeing how he has all these different pains that no doctor has been able to find a physical precedent for. He was however, convinced that these pains were physical.\nHe could no longer function properly at work because he was constantly thinking about one of his pains. He stopped doing outdoor activities that involved one of his hands (for fear that it might \"re-injure\" his already \"hurt\" finger). He also became very depressed after he took anesthesia for surgery on a fractured bone. The anesthesia made him worry more about how weak his body was, about how easily it was to 'put it down.'\nHe became borderline suicidal, tortured by the fact that he was visiting all these doctors, going to appointments, getting medical treatment (including surgeries on areas he thinks there is pain) with no results. He recently came under the impression that parasites might infest his house (he has dry skin on one arm). He also had to take a blood test recently and one of the tests came out slightly abnormal but all the others were fine and the doctors didn't think anything of it. However, he has convinced himself that he might have some type of blood disease. He's now trying to get more blood tests done to confirm whether or not this is true. He also had an infected scratch a while ago but he thinks the pain is re-emerging and that the infection has somehow burrowed itself inside of him.\nI have hinted at all of his worries about pain, shortness of breath, excessive coughing, heart rate, etc. are due to his OCD, his tendency to focus and worry about one particular symptom for hours at a time. I then started to look up somatic symptom disorder, and he meets almost all the criteria. He's diminishing the quality of his life, but at the same time he feels like chasing down all these doctors, getting these tests done, getting surgery, is the only way he can solve his issues. It's a vicious cycle--like an alcoholic who drinks to suppress the pain, while remaining ignorant towards the fact that the alcohol is also exacerbating the pain.\nHe sees his problems as solely physical, and is trying to treat them as such. I think they're fundamentally mental and if he continues to remedy these issues solely through physical means, he won't solve the problem and will further plunge himself into anxiety and depression. I have told him to see a psychiatrist but he has yet to do so. He wants to deal with the physical aspect first he says. He also has a stigma against therapists and psychologists (him seeing psychiatry as an outgrowth of these)--calling them money-hungry people who pretty much just earned a college degree to swindle others out of their money by eliciting pointless conversation. He also is opposed to anti-depressants, seeing them an artificial means to happiness that robs him of his agency to achieve happiness himself.\nI've been thinking about finally confronting him, of telling him how serious I think his situation is. I want to insist that his problem is not just a conglomeration of unfortunate physical issues but, rather, a fully-fledged mental disorder. I'm baffled how obvious it is, yet how oblivious he is to it. I'm afraid of doing this though. How can I convince my friend to get adequate help? I'm watching him destroy his life, and he's too hung up on the physical side of things to take notice of the underlying mental instability. Please help.", "answer": "You'd hope that whichever doctor is coordinating his overall care will be recognising the possibility of mental health issues affecting your friend. He clearly has no intention to seek help, so it's going to be pretty difficult to change that except in a crisis situation. I suspect we will have to wait and hopefully watch him slowly come round to the idea of seeing this as not purely a physical manifestation of illness.\n\nI agree that it might be a somatoform disorder (rather than eg. psychosis), which would require medication + talking therapies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "78fom0", "comment_id": "dotwg3m"}, {"question": "Hit Rock Bottom This Past Weekend", "description": "Went to my fraternities party and drank way too much. All I can remember is filling up half a cup with vodka and the other half with mountain dew. Next thing I know I woke up in the morning on my friends couch with a trash can in front of me and cuts all over my body. He told me I reached up under a girls skirt, punched a guy in the face, tried to fight multiple people, and fell into some hedges. I remember NOTHING. That is not who I am in real life and the feeling was gut wrenching. \n\nThe fraternity has decided to suspend me since this is not the first time I have had such behavior. I've already been to the hospital twice for heavy drinking and blacked out 7-8 times THIS SEMESTER alone. Each blackout has resulted in inappropriate sexual advances, becoming physically aggressive, and sometimes getting into physical fights. \n\nI have a feeling it's because me and my girlfriend of 2.5 years split up in January. It wasn't a bad breakup, and I actually wanted to breakup because I was not feeling love for her anymore, but it is a weird life for me after giving my total self to someone for such a long period of time and then having her completely removed from my life. I'm currently looking for a therapist that can get me back to my normal state so I can go through life like a normal human being. \n\nI've decided to stop drinking and it has been 4 days. I hope I can keep it up and would appreciate any tips you guys have to resist the temptation. \n\nTLDR; Had terrible behavior over the weekend, I've decided to quit for good. ", "answer": "Bottom is where you stop digging. Getting sober young is hard, I did it at 17 with the help of AA. I suggest you find a program of recovery and get down to business.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23pe61", "comment_id": "cgzc0j4"}, {"question": "How do I [24m] help console with with my potential GF (21f) who has clearly had quite a few bad past relationships?", "description": "So iv'e been having some difficulties with a dear friend of mine becoming distant due to some difficult past relationships. \n\n\nSome Backstory: We met in a university class about a year ago, went on a couple dates, but nothing ever really happened. We kept contact over the year, but it was very seldom and nothing would really come of it. A month or so ago, we started talking again and eventually started going out on dates a lot more often. Eventually things lead back to my place and we got some decent making out going on, but she declines the offer for sex. No big deal, maybe some other time. That night she sends me a message saying she wanted to wait because \"shes had a lot of bad guys recently\". I comfort her and we move on and she's happy i'm not pushing the subject matter. Its worth mentioning that we're not official at this point, and still aren't to this day. \n\n\nFast forward a week, and we've done a few more things together and she's been acting normal. Last night she sent me a text wanting to go grab some dinner. Okay no problem, so she picks me up and we head over there and she's a lot quieter than usual, along with like a sad / tired thing going on. After dinner, I offer to hang out some more but she declines and goes home anyway. \n\n\nA few hours later I sent her a funny story I found on here along with a \"thanks for inviting me to dinner\" kind of note. To which she replied, \"you don't have to talk to me now, goodnight\" just out of nowhere. At which point I said \"okay goodnight\" and went to sleep. I woke up this morning with one of those huge messages apologizing and explaining how she had a bad day yesterday, brought on by those bad past relationships. I responded to that message this morning accepting the apology and telling her if she wanted to talk about it I would be there for her. She has seen the message, but has not responded at this point.\n\n\nIt's worth mentioning that she's never brought this up this topic in person, and when we get anywhere near the topic or something similar, she gets super quiet, avoids eye contact, and is generally difficult to talk to when it comes to difficult conversations. \n\nReddit, what's going on, and what do I do here? ", "answer": "These things she's going through have nothing to do with you, and trust me, there's no joy in either of you dwelling on those things any more than you have to. \n\nSo, tell her \"let me know if there's anything I can do to be helpful\" and otherwise focus on having a nice time. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e8kbu", "comment_id": "di8e9wv"}, {"question": "Dating with a mental illness", "description": "I (18f) have always avoided romantic relationships due to my mental health. I've always kept people at arms length my whole life as I struggle to bond on an emotional level so cannot ask my friends for advice as they wouldn't understand. However a few months ago I screwed up and met this guy (21m) who I actually quite like. We see each other about 1 a week and chat most days but I'm not sure if he is actually interested. Although I feel my social skills are ample I really struggle with flirting and showing I'm interested and he has remarked several times in person and over text I'm not very affectionate even though I feel like I am. As well as this his previous girlfriend cheated on him and seems to have left some deep emotional scars.\nBasically I have several questions that I would like answering\n1) Should I ask him to be exclusive yet or should I wait longer and if I do ask him, do I tell him I have mental health issues. Also how the hell do you begin to explain something like that?\n2) This may sound very stupid but how do you show someone you're seeing that you are into them?\n3)Although my mental health is managed extensively would it be wise to enter into a romantic relationship? \n\nThank you for taking the time to read this post any advice would be very helpfully as I have no knowledge in any of these areas.", "answer": "it's always good to ask for what you want. most people wait too long. if the relationship looks like it's getting solid, it's ok to tell him about your health issues. the wisdom of entering into a rel. is something to discuss with your therapist, not a bunch of kids on redditt. (i'm not a kid--and i'm a therapist.) hope that helps.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5plv03", "comment_id": "dcs5quc"}, {"question": "Need some advice for my girlfriend about a prescription medication.", "description": "My girlfriend is 22, 5'9\", 105lbs and native American. She has anxiety. It can get pretty bad especially in social places like bars or pubs for example and especially when it comes to meeting new people.\n\nShe has been on Quetiapine for 17 years now. She uses it mainly as a sleep aid. She said it's supposed to help her anxiety a bit as well. Her family doctor moved and now the clinic keeps tabs on her refills. If she doesn't have her pill before bed she cannot sleep. She has become dependent on it. She tried to ween off of them but went through bad withdrawals. She doesn't suffer from depression, schizophrenia or bi polar disorders.\n\nThe advice I need is if there are any more medications out there that could help with her anxiety and sleep aid? Xanax being one I've looked into? How would one ween off of the pill without serious withdrawals? She has no family doctor and the hospital here has no more opening for patients under family doctors and when she goes to see a random one they say they can't help her because they aren't her doctor. Also what are the long term effects of being on quetiapine as long as her and more years to come. She has a 3 year old that loves her and a boyfriend that does as well. We need her around for as long as possible. She's open to the suggestion of trying different sleep aids but doesn't want to go through the withdrawals again.\n\nAny advice would be much appreciated, thanks for taking the tune to read. Posted on mobile btw so did the best I could. ", "answer": "Quetiapine is not a standard first-line sleeping pill or a standard first-line treatment for anxiety. There are many other medications for both problems. Weaning depends on what dose she's on; in general it's safe, though sometimes uncomfortable, to just stop suddenly, with one major side effect unsurprisingly being insomnia.\n\nLong-term effects aren't as well studied, especially at the very low doses typically used for sleep. Quetiapine has an association with weight gain, metabolic syndrome, and associated problems like diabetes and high cholesterol, but again, that's usually seen at higher doses.\n\nXanax is not a medication that I would recommend first for the problems your girlfriend has. It might be on the list, but it's close to the bottom, and I don't know if I'd put it before or after quetiapine. Xanax is much more physiologically and psychologically dependence-forming and has higher abuse potential.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9srtzo", "comment_id": "e8qzme5"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**The Good:** I have always been in such dread of the impending winter gloom that I have never fully appreciated autumn. This year, for some reason, I am loving it. Perhaps seeing the leaves turn so beautifully in the Adirondack Mountains has finally made me appreciate the loveliness of fall. \n\n**The Bad:** I\u2019m working so hard at various editorial projects that I haven\u2019t really had any time to relax. (When you\u2019re a freelancer, it\u2019s only ever feast or famine.)\n\n**The Funny:** [This is how I feel on some days.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d8m333/hopelessness/)", "answer": "The Good: I'm on Day 65 and feeling mighty proud of it. The weather here has finally dropped below the 100s. I've got an exercise class tonight that I'm looking forward to.\n\nThe Bad: I've had a pretty draining past couple of days. I'm hoping today is a bit more relaxed.\n\nThe Future: I am going to treat myself to something on Day 75! Not sure what yet, perhaps a new dress. :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dc4fub", "comment_id": "f270z5r"}, {"question": "I [27M] need some advice about fiance [24F] wanting to go on a break/break up", "description": "Long story short, a couple weeks ago my fiance came out of the blue and decided that she wants to break up/take a break from our relationship due to little/no attraction and wanting to be alone. I have a previous post (url at bottom) that explains more in detail.\n\nShe has been suffering from depression and is most likely bipolar (she judt want to see a counselor). Part of me thinks that this is a big reason why she has little to no attraction for me. Here are my reasons why I think this.\n\nFirst off she would always compliment me, always says im handsome, cute, and warm, etc... Secondly she always wants to do everything with me wether it be going shopping with her or simple go to the store to grab something real quick. Thirdly, she has been talking about kids non stop for the past year, mind you we planned on having them after we are married this up coming fall.\n\nOf course I want to think that it is the depression that is causing this but I know a part of it is the truth. I mean we have been together over 7 years so some of the attraction is going to die. I even admit that I feel the same way.\n\nThe past couple days have gotten a little better. She asked me if I wanted anything from the store a couple days ago, we ate dinner together yesterday, we went grocery shopping today, had dinner together, and i made a small bon fire in the back yard for us to sit next to.\n\nHowever, she wont initiate conversation, her responses are small, and she just does things on her own like she used to tell me she was going to sleep and now she just goes to sleep. We havnt held each other, cuddled, kissed, even hugged in the past 2 weeks.\n\nI was pretty fucked up about it last week but I have gotten slightly better with handling it. I have been giving her the space she has asked for. Its been really rough on me.\n\nI finally txted her mom and told her what is going on and even her mother thinks that she is acting VERY strange, not like herself. I invited her over tomorrow so the two of them can talk. Normally she is pretty close with her mom but her mom keeps texting her to talk with her but she never responds.\n\nAt this point im not sure what else I can do. Shes living with me so no contact is very hard to deal with. Ive been doing the best I can with no contact. I just wish shit went back to normal :(\n\nAny advice on wtf I should do? I dont want to leave but obviously I cant control her decisions. I feel like the problem here is major depression but im not certain that its the only issue. Im not going to give up on her. I just hope she doesnt give up on me.\n\nAlso I would like to note that she still has the picture of us and our relationship status still set on facebook, which she is on all day long so im not sure what to make of that. She would have changed it by now if she was certain she wanted to.\n\nLink to my previous post:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5tprwl/7_year_relationship_24f_fiance_thinks_she_wants/ddoiez2/?context=3\n\nEdit 1: Next day morning: She asked if I wanted to go to this boxing place with her so I am going with her (only because she asked me). i just dont understand. Is she coming around or is it just me?", "answer": "make sure she's getting help for depression.\nif you take a break, make sure to define the ground rules; i recommend not dating others, and having a plan about contact with each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uydvb", "comment_id": "ddxseev"}, {"question": "I would like a second opinion about Venlafaxine side effects", "description": "I started taking Venlafaxine last Tuesday. I'm currently taking 37.5MG and will be changing it to 75MG next week. A couple of days after starting, I noticed I had red blotches all over my knuckles, back of my hands and a huge one on my thigh. They weren't itchy and were gone in an hour. The next day I noticed that my knuckles were red again. Then yesterday, my leg was itchy. When I looked, I had huge red and warm blotches on my thighs again. Again, they were gone in an hour or two. \nI Googled it and every site said that rashes/hives are a severe reaction. Some even said to get emergency help if you notice them. I called the pharmacist this morning and he said to keep taking it, and if it gets worse in a few days then stop. He just seemed a little unsure so I would like to get a second opinion. What could happen if I am having a bad allergic reaction to it?\n\nEDIT: \nI have had other side effects. I had minor shakes the first two days, but I know those are normal and they seem to be mostly gone. I also had a major headache on Friday but I haven't had one since so I'm not sure if that was related to the medication.\n\nAge: 21 \nSex: F \nHeight: 5'0ft \nWeight: 102lbs \nRace: Caucasian \nDuration of complaint: Since Wednesday(ish) \nLocation: Back of hands, knuckles and thighs \nAny existing relevant medical issues: None \nCurrent medications: Venlafaxine and Marvelon \nPhoto: Unfortunately the blotches are gone so I can't take a photo, but if they come back I'll add one. ", "answer": "I'd probably persevere with venlafaxine (if I were taking it, that's what I would do). If it's worsening though with increased doses, then we might have a problem.\n\nYour call though - you're the patient!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "55iyeg", "comment_id": "d8b2il5"}, {"question": "Anxiety when I develop Romantic Feelings", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI wanted to make a thread and see if anyone else can relate to this.\n\nI've had pretty bad anxiety over the last few years. It's been a hard road, but I have had some wins over the past year. I was able to move out of my mom's house in November and get my old job back which I quit in a state of what can only be described as mega-anxiety (I actually liked the job, I was just overwhelmed by a manager, a busy time of year and the fact that I had really bad anxiety but was ignoring it and telling myself \"stop getting worked up, you're fine. this is nothing. Your life's not so hard.\")\n\nMy anxiety has become so much more manageable. In all except one regard.\n\nWhen I lived at home, I would go on dates, have some fun, but it would ultimately never go anywhere because I didn't really want to bring a girl back to my mom's house. I only got brought back to a girl's place once and nothing happened beyond making out.\n\nSo, one of the things that made me really excited about moving out was that I could go dating and bring girls to my place. Well, the thing about that is I've found out I get intense anxiety when I like someone in a romantic way. I start to worry about how long they are taking to reply, if they still like me, if they'll be okay with my lack of sexual experience etc. And logically I am able to say to myself, \"hey let's stay in the present and not worry about this stuff and try to have fun.\" But I can't talk myself out of it. I feel crazy because I am obsessing over someone and I'm not even trying to at all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI thought it was only because my ex gf was a recovering addict and once I found someone with less baggage the anxiety would go away, but nope. I'm currently seeing someone who is great, gets my mental health struggles and she was my friend first before I developed feelings for her. Today, I sent her a message around 11am, saw she looked at it and didn't reply. For the rest of the day I wondered if I had done something to upset her, regretted even messaging her at all and had my mind play doomsday scenarios where she would send me a crushing response like \"I don't care\" or some sort of essay about me being a jerk. \n\n\nNote: My general practitioner gave me Xanax in December when things got really hard for me and it helped my thoughts slow down and I felt like a normal person again. I'm going to my first Psychiatrist appointment at the end of the month. I'm hoping finding a good med can help my brain calm down about this stuff and help me to feel less off.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'd love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences. What were some things you did to make the anxiety go away? My therapist hasn't been as much help, beyond trying to support me and encourage me to go for it with this girl. I've already bailed on her once due to my worries about my anxiety and told her I couldn't talk to her for a while. I don't want to do that again. I want to be able to have romantic relationships and not freak out.", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel. I experienced the same thing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bmcxc6", "comment_id": "emvmnnv"}, {"question": "I am SO proud of myself", "description": "I got my 3 assignment marks back from uni. All A's. My grandma took me out for lunch and got me a new bag. She was so proud of me too. My medication helped a lot. This is coming from someone who thought they'd never ever excel in anything. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnd for all of you guys, whether you're achieving or not, I'm proud of you too. Keep it up!", "answer": "I love your grandma. She gets it. The struggle. The guilt and shame. Give her a cuddle for me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmewt4", "comment_id": "emx15rj"}, {"question": "Bad Globus sensation. Should I see a doctor?", "description": "Ok, quick rundown. I am an 18 year old female with really bad anxiety. I've been having what I think is severe Globus sensation. It started after some incredibly bad dry mouth from meds I am taking for the anxiety. However, I am afraid that my throat might be closing up. Is it possible?", "answer": "Still alive?\n\nAs you probably know, it's your anxiety doing this. What dose of mirtazapine are you on at the moment? Ever tried to learn some CBT techniques for anxiety (www.llttf.com)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rwn1n", "comment_id": "dl9vsm1"}, {"question": "Does metformin shut off androgen receptors throughout the body or just in prostate cancer cells?", "description": "Age: 37\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6\u2019\nWeight: 254lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 24 hrs\nGeographical location: Northern Utah\nLocation: entire body (?)\nExisting medical conditions: Hypogonadism, ADHD, Insulin Resistance, Depression/anxiety\nCurrent Medications: \n Testosterone Cyp. 200mg injected 1xweek\n Metformin 850mg 1xday\n Klonopin 0.5mg as needed\n Dextroamphetamine 20mg 2xday \n Citalopram 20mg per day\n\nLast week my doc prescribed metformin and yesterday I was reading about it and came across some studies that indicate metformin represses or inhibits androgen receptor function in prostate cancer cells. \n\nHere\u2019s one: [source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265472933_SMILE_upregulated_by_metformin_inhibits_the_function_of_androgen_receptor_in_prostate_cancer_cells)\n\nNow here\u2019s my question:\n\nDoes metformin shut down all AR\u2019s so that the testosterone in my system is doing nothing? Or does metformin only target the AR\u2019s in the actual prostate cancer cells, leaving all the other AR\u2019s throughout the body open for business?\n\nI should that mention I don\u2019t have prostate cancer. ", "answer": "That's not a well-known property of metformin, and I would extrapolate from a basic science, in vitro study with caution. Epidemiologically, given the large number of people who take metformin without any apparent anti-androgen effects, it seems unlikely that metformin broadly directly affects androgen receptors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9r6vyy", "comment_id": "e8ep0ou"}, {"question": "Does anyone else avoid doctors, not because of fear of going, but because you think all of your symptoms are actually just anxiety-related?", "description": "My anxiety tends to center around my stomach. I have emetephobia in addition to a general anxiety disorder, so it's not unusual for me to have nausea or weird stomach cramps that are just anxiety.\n\nHowever, I've been INSANELY bloated for six months now, having a lot of pain in my lower stomach (nothing stabbing or throbbing, just achy pain, kinda similar to period cramps or how you'd feel after an intense ab workout), and am more nauseous/quick to heartburn than usual.\n\nThere are some other symptoms as well, and I finally made a doctor's appointment, but it just got me wondering... I've been avoiding this for six months because, well, it's probably just my anxiety, right? \n\nMy fiance ended up getting mad and made me make an appointment because he'd rather me be safe than sorry. And I agree with him. \n\nI was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? \n\nI know avoiding doctors because of anxiety is common, but I'm not scared of the doctor. I just don't want to waste anyone's time and tend to assume all of my symptoms can be tied back to my anxiety. \n\nAnyone else?\n\n**TL;DR - I don't avoid doctors due to fear of the doctor or office, I avoid them because I tend to assume everything wrong with me is due to anxiety. Anyone else do this?**", "answer": "You're freaking me out because I could have written this entire post (except the person getting upset with me for not going to the doctor is my boyfriend). Yeah, that's how I feel to a tee. I figure everything links back to my anxiety and I'll just be using up the doctor's time and my money to find nothing helpful, then I'll feel stupid.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "hl8jje", "comment_id": "fwyv4nz"}, {"question": "Pregnancy/blood work question", "description": "Female; 40 years old; caucasian, 5'2\"; 125 lbs; a few weeks, possibly pregnant; I'm currently seeing specialists for an undiagnosed medical condition that causes weakness and fatigue (although I don't think that is relevant for this question), Levora (birth control), no photo required\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHello! Thanks for having a look at my question here. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don't know why, but I have this strange feeling that I'm pregnant. I'm on the pill, and had some bleeding at the end of my last pill pack, but started a new one to make it stop. My breasts are large and sore and my period hasn't stated yet, although since being on Levora it comes a little later than usual. Honestly, I thought until the last few days that the bigger boobs was due to some weight gain, and I haven't been eating that well, so that could totally be what's going on. I have taken three home pregnancy tests, all negative. From the last time I had sex, I would be about 10 weeks along. Wouldn't my HGC levels be high enough by now to come up on a home test? When I was pregnant with my son, I tested positive the day I was supposed to start my period. Don't know if the HGC levels vary by woman or by pregnancy. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBefore I thought I could be pregnant , I saw and endocrinologist about some unrelated health issues and he ordered some blood work. I got the results yesterday and if I'm pregnant, I was when the blood was drawn. Not sure if all of these are applicable, but the female-related hormones he tested are: \n\n&#x200B;\n\nESTRADIOL: <15 pg/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 19-144; Mid-Cycle: 64-357; Luteal Phase: 56-214; Postmenopausal: < or = 31)\n\nFSH: <0.7 LmIU/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 2.5-10.2; Mid-cycle Peak: 3.1-17.7; Luteal Phase: 1.5- 9.1; Postmenopausal: 23.0-116.3)\n\nLH: 0.2 LmIU/mL (Follicular Phase: 1.9-12.5; Mid-Cycle Peak: 8.7-76.3; Luteal Phase: 0.5-16.9; Postmenopausal: 10.0-54.7 )\n\nPROLACTIN: 14.4 ng/mL (Reference Range: Non-pregnant: 3.0-30.0; Pregnant: 10.0-209.0; Postmenopausal: 2.0-20.0)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIs there any way to tell if I'm pregnant based on these values? My appointment with the endocrinologist isn't until next week. I thought I would reach out in the event that this bloodwork obviously answers my question, rather than waste the time of a lab and money of getting additional blood tests if they aren't necessary. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you! \n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "The chance of multiple false-negative pregnancy tests is minuscule. You're not pregnant.\n\nThe hormone tests are also not consistent with pregnancy. I'm neither an ob-gyn nor an endocrinologist, so I have no expertise, but low LH, with very low FSH and estradiol might suggest some kind of endocrine issue. Possibly hypothalamic? It's not something I know.\n\nThe pregnancy tests answer your original question, but I think you do want to see the endocrinologist to get clarification about the tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ans4kk", "comment_id": "efx67zi"}, {"question": "I am on the verge of a complete fucking breakdown someone help me", "description": "I don\u2019t even know where the hell to start. I started feeling depressed in November and I was like ok cool this happens all the time we\u2019ll get through this. So I fought it. It got a little better. Then it decided to sneak up on me and dump all this pain and fear and anxiety all at once. I\u2019ve been dealing with a painful ovarian cyst for three weeks,flu like symptoms that won\u2019t go away, so those are adding stress. Then comes the fucking holiday stress. I have NO money left. I\u2019m completely broke. And I still have my parents and one of my nieces to buy for. And on top of that, I feel guilty, because it\u2019s Christmas and I should be happy and I\u2019m not and I hate it! I\u2019ve been seeing things too, little shadow figures, some of them small to the ground like a cat, some tall like a person. I just see glimpses of them, running away, or darting around the corner, and I can feel them looking at me. My brain says they\u2019re demons. I know they\u2019re not real but fuck they\u2019re scary. And then I get these weird things at night, not like a panic attack, but it\u2019s like this crushing terror falls over me and I\u2019m to scared to move or open my eyes and I just have to lay there until it\u2019s gone. I keep telling myself I need to get through Christmas then I\u2019ll feel better, but that\u2019s not true, because on January 5th I turn 24. Happy birthday, right? NO! That day marks the end of a wasted year and the start of one that probably won\u2019t go anywhere. I\u2019m 24, unemployed, living off social services to pay for the meds that are supposed to keep me sane, and living in my parents basement. I\u2019m worthless. A worthless human being and I want to fucking die. ", "answer": "You are NOT worthless. You have been trudging through some difficult physical and emotional pain and that is badass, even if you feel still stuck in it. There will be more Christmases, its okay that this year you can't afford presents for everyone. They probably don't love you for your christmas gifts, they love you for you. \n\n24 can be a great year for you. 23 wasn't a wasted year. You're pain through the year is serving you a purpose which is teaching you to be able to overcome it, as crazy as that sounds. You are at a pause in your life, so living in your parent's place is where you need to be to take that pause and figure out whats next. There is nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want and need in your life. \n\nIt sounds like whatever medication you are on is not helping with all of your symptoms. It might be a good idea to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, ideally who can work together to help you work through this stuff. \n\nKeep your head up :) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7iugk", "comment_id": "ec3hcwy"}, {"question": "Patience", "description": "Has anyone who is early in recovery noticed a lack of patience and increased irritability? If so what did you do", "answer": "Yes, and still experiencing it now at almost 80 days in, but it's getting better slowly. I've been trying to just accept it. Accept the feelings. Wait for them to pass. They always do.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhryus", "comment_id": "f3qam2k"}, {"question": "How to handle compliments?", "description": "I been overweight for almost my whole life 29 atm. And I been bullied and criticised for many things. Because of this I have a low self esteem. Lately I started working out and lost a lot of weight. And I get a lot of compliments especially in the gym. I usually say thanks But it's really hard for me to handle. I'm not obesse anymore but I am still fat, and so I mostly response like \"Thank you, but I still got a long way to go\" or something.", "answer": "That sounds fine to me and very humble. \n\n\nIf you're trying to build your confidence up a little, try just saying \"thanks\" without making a negative statement about yourself or saying thanks and giving yourself an acknowledgement instead like \n\n\n\"Thanks... I've been working really hard at it!\"\n\n\nIt may not seem like that huge of a difference but the way you talk about yourself is closely linked to how you think/feel about yourself. If you change one, the other will start to follow.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "alhc2o", "comment_id": "efe3ug2"}, {"question": "Wife having to eschew therapy to get on transplant list", "description": "Hi, all. This may seem like a bizarre title, but please bear with me. My wife and I are in our late 20s, for context.\n\nMy wife (hereinafter referred to as J) started dialysis about three years ago and has still yet to get on the kidney transplant list for a number of ostensible reasons. She last attempted to get on the transplant list in October, when she was told they were going to re-evaluate her again in six months (came and went because of COVID) for mental health, among a couple of other things.\n\nSome more background: J was somewhat recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder (her mom has it too) and has been through a number of medication changes in an attempt to help with it. J also has a very unfortunate baseline of feelings of guilt about a plethora of things to the point that it pervades her everyday functioning. I suspect BPD is at play here too based on this, but I'm not a medical doctor or therapist of any sort myself.\n\nAnyhow, the mental health issue seems to have conjured some contradicting incentives that have been very difficult to deal with. Namely, she's internalized that she should avoid talking about the more pressing aspects of her mental well-being to her therapist so that the transplant team doesn't know about them. The idea is that the less they know, the less ammunition they have to keep denying her a kidney. While I can certainly see where she's coming from here, it seems to me that this is a dangerous set of contradicting and perverse incentives foisted upon her. By withholding the more serious aspects that she could be getting help with through therapy, her mental health deteriorates further. Of course, having seemingly arbitrary roadblocks thrown up when she is an on-paper perfect candidate and a new kidney being a life-or-death situation have impacted her extremely poorly.\n\nIs there a way to resolve these incentives so she can get the mental health help she needs?\n\nOn my end, I'm having trouble finding the balance between making it clear that I'm listening to her and am taking what she says about her transplant worries seriously and validating the more toxic aspects it (for instance, I don't want to feed into her conviction that the doctors are actively trying to kill her and are just stringing her along, but want her to feel heard). Does anyone have any advice there?\n\nMy apologies for any vagueness here -- tried to go for brevity, but still mostly failed =) I'll be happy to answer any clarifying questions if needed.\n\nThanks for your help.", "answer": "I am wondering if the hospital or clinic where she receives kidney care may have a social worker who can help. It is very common for people with chronic health issues to also deal with related mental health concerns . As a result, hospital social workers are well versed in what is available and how to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqhhib", "comment_id": "frsqr3f"}, {"question": "I [23/f] have a huge list of concerns about my boyfriend [23/m]. Are these valid or am I being crazy or unreasonable?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This post is very long, I'm sorry, if you want to just pick out a couple of points to read and comment on then that'd still be really useful. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 and half years and have been living together for over a year. I have a long list of concerns but I'm finding it very hard to get a sense of what is reasonable. I can't tell if I'm being selfish and entitled and using him, if he's showing abuse flags or if there's nothing wrong and I'm thinking normal facets of a relationship are big problems and making myself miserable for no reason. I've lost all sense of proportion and any outside perspective would be very welcome. \n\n**Employment:**\n\n* He works full time and earns a very good salary, understandably he wants me to make the largest possible financial contribution to the household\n* I had a well paid job which I quit about a year ago as it was extremely stressful and long hours. My boyfriend encouraged me to quit.\n\n* I had another job which he encouraged me to quit from early on, pointing out the negatives and seeming unhappy when I'd been working that day. It wasn't a very good job but he had been very unhappy about me not bringing any money in so I took what I could get.\n \n* I left this for a better job on a temporary contract. This was a great job but he was negative from the start, found all the problems and never seemed happy about me getting it in the first place. Since this ended I have been unemployed for a few weeks.\n\nThis sounds like he wants me to not work and be his housewife. I would love this arrangement but he makes regular comments about how I don't contribute any money and this clearly makes him feel angry and used. However, he gets annoyed if I dedicate a lot of time to finding a job. He tells me to spend the day job hunting and not to worry about housework but then is angry that all the housework isn't done. \n\n**Housework:**\n\n* He tells others we split it 50/50 and that he thinks this is the right thing to do\n* I do the vast majority, including: cooking, cleaning, washing, most DIY, most washing up, dealing with the letting agent and arranging maintenance, clearing up all clutter and throwing away all rubbish (my boyfriend just leaves things where he used them and doesn't use the bin or put things away)\n* This arrangement was still the case when I worked full time and he didn't work at all\n* I also fetch him most of his drinks and do all pet care (for pets he decided to get)\n* He does take out the bins and rubbish, manage the finances (which I'm very grateful for) and do about a 3rd of the washing up. \n* He thinks all the housework takes 5mins as he's never done it and doesn't know how (just says 'that's your job'), he thinks I'm just reading reddit upstairs and pretending to do work. \n* If I need his help (e.g. for physical strength) he is very begrudging and thinks I'm trying to get out of a job\n* Won't take any responsibility e.g. acknowledged the door is unlocked, walks away and then is annoyed it's still unlocked when I assumed he'd done it when he noticed\n\n\n**Controlling behaviour:**\n\n* He can be controlling in an odd way. He doesn't do any of the typical stuff and has no problem with me going going out without him or talking to men.\n* He gives instructions and gets angry if they aren't done, I wouldn't mind but these are often not workable (e.g. not enough time, something that can't be done)\n* Gets angry if I wear something he doesn't like, will give me the silent treatment for not doing a hairstyle he likes and I don't\n* Makes a lot of comments about me being to skinny, I know it's my job to be attractive for him but I have a big hangup about how thin I am and I am working really hard to gain weight\n* I very rarely refuse sex as I know it's my responsibility to keep him satisfied and I do initiate sex regularly. However, when I do refuse on occasion (for good reason) he gets really angry and throws stuff and hits walls/furniture which scares me into submission. Sometimes, instead of making a normal sexual advance, he gets angry that I didn't know to initiate at that moment and will sulk until I give him a blow job. I tried asking if he could come on to me normally first but he doesn't. \n* Every day when he comes home from work I have to give a detailed account of how I spent my time, it's never good enough (even if I worked a full day and the house is tidy).\n \n**Money:**\n\nHe earns a good salary and contributes most of the household money. I am very grateful for this and often feel guilty and like I'm sponging off him. He will always earn more than me (very clever with programming skills), I expect to have a lot less disposable income than him and that he will always be in charge because of this. However, there are some problems. He always says we have no money and so he needs a lot of my earnings/gift money etc. towards household costs. This leaves me not enough to buy things like the makeup he complains if I don't wear or tickets for events he expects me to attend while he buys video games, nights out and is planing on buying a new computer, a weekend away with friends and a car. Obviously his disposable income should belong to him, but it would be nice to not have all my spending tracked and approved when it's for things he wants me to buy.\n\n\n**General attitude towards me:**\n\n* If he's angry he will take it out on me (e.g. bad day or low blood sugar), he has directly told me off about the weather being bad before and about shops not stocking things.\n* I asked why he never discussed politics with me, he said \u201cI feel like we should agree on everything but we don't\u201d. He's made it clear that I should have his views and is let down that I have a deep mistrust of the political system when he is a member of the Labour Party (UK)\n* He has never forgiven me for being sexually experienced when I met him; I would undo my past actions if I could. He was relieved when he found a box of mementoes from my ex in my parents house as he assumed my previous relationships were just me having casual sex, even though I explained otherwise when he used to regularly make me go through all my sexual experiences in detail.\n* If we go on a night out and I get harassed (he encourages skimpy outfits), he doesn't care at all and sometimes says I'm making it up. His friends often intervene and help without me asking so I don't think I'm being oversensitive but I could be wrong.\n* He will issue commands and expect me to take on all traditional 'women's work' but won't step up to many of the 'men's responsibilities' (DIY, protecting me, negotiating with taxi drivers, I doubt he'd ever man up and propose if he wanted to get married etc.) because that's sexist gender stereotyping. I'd love to be traditional wifey, and I'm happy to instead do the modern thing and split everything, but I feel like he's trying to take the best of both.\n\n**TL;DR I can't tell if I have reasonable concerns or am being entitled and selfish. I feel like he expects me work full time in a high paid job, do all housework and non-employment odd jobs and be happy, energetic and horny all the time. I feel like he wants me to do what I'm told but also take charge when he doesn't want to; give him most of my money but support myself. If I don't do what he wants he can get very angry and I feel like he expects perfection. It seems like he's trying to get the best out of a traditional, patriarchal relationship and a modern, feminist one and leave me with all the crap. However, he contributes most of the money and I'm worried I'm being unfair, selfish and expecting too much. I can no longer tell what is reasonable behaviour from either of us.** \n\nEDIT: lots of typos\n\nEDIT part 2: I have to go now as my boyfriend will be home soon. A big thank you everyone who took the time to give me advice. I will definitely be contributing more to this community in future as I can see the difference it can make. I needed this outside input and I think I know what I have to do now. Will check back when I can, maybe later tonight but probably tomorrow.", "answer": "No need to wait until you get a job to leave. Just leave. Like now. Go. None of the behaviors you listed are okay, at all. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2f93hr", "comment_id": "ck7heet"}, {"question": "If you go to the ER and get blood drawn, will doctors tell you if you have HIV?", "description": "Male, 20, 5'7, 156 Ibs, \n\nJust scared of having HIV, that's all.", "answer": "HIV is a specific test. Many ERs will offer you that test regardless of why you're having blood drawn, but you always have the right to decline it.\n\nIf you're scared of having HIV, it's better to know and get it treated than have it advance and die of AIDS, right?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s8e3a", "comment_id": "e0xazd6"}, {"question": "Why the fuck do i crave negativity???", "description": "It only makes me more depressed. I'm really unstable and I really shouldn't read sensationalist negative news. 99% it's war, poverty, politicians fucking us over and sometimes just straight bullshit (buy this stock pplz yolo!!!). But still every morning I wake up to get my negativity fix :( Sad face is negative too. I wish I could quit my addiction to this shit and live an ignorant life, unaware of the problems of the world. ", "answer": "Make good news more reinforcing to you thank bad news. You like bad news because it is familiar territory. Good news is foreign like eating with chopsticks for the first time you think, fuck it I'm going back to the fork. But once you learn to eat with chopsticks it can even be fun. Find some good news, read it or watch it, then go do something to reinforce the behavior. Such as forcing a smile on your face. If you force a smile on your face and keep it for a few seconds your brain actually recognizes the facial expression and released chemicals that or exerted with happiness. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jh9w1", "comment_id": "cuplm18"}, {"question": "How to best say \"no\" in my current situation?:", "description": "One of my best friends arranged a charity (or rather a first attempt of it), we pooled money, bought cheap clothes on discount in order to resell them for higher to triple the amount of profit compared to our spending. Our first day of collecting clothes went great! I shared it on snapchat/facebook etc. and celebrated it.\n\nHowever, one classmate of mine, let's call him \"Bob\" suddenly messages me saying he wants to join the charity. Nothing is wrong with the request, it's just that the charity was only inbetween my friends, so it's kind of private. My classmate \"Bob\", I don't really hate him, but I don't like him either, he usually just \"hitches on\" to me. My best friend is one of the well-known \"popular\" kids at school, and I think that sometimes he gets jealous of me. Before, he used me as a 'stepping stone', I'm kind of the weird and naive kid in class so I wasn't surprised. I was just irritated that he did all that to leverage himself so that he could be friends with my friends. I'm a really private person, and I try to seperate each of the groups of people I'm in, since I love making friends with everyone. I'm a bit defensive about my friends too.\n\nOne experience, which was very telling of this behavior was when a year back, when I was attending educational summer enrichment programs with him, I was bullied I guess. I'm not a person who expresses anger easily and someone who isn't used to saying \"no\" like I mean it, in fear of people hating me. He \"hitched on\" to this guy, let's call \"Bobtwo\", which Bobtwo often made fun and teased me to feel all cool, he continued doing it because I showed no anger nor rejection, I simply kept quiet about it (I did say \"no\", and \"stop it\" in a calm manner a lot of times but they didn't stop). And, all Bob did was join in with him, Bob was my classmate for a year and he joined in on teasing me because, from my perspective, he simply wanted to feel included or more superior in the current social hierarchy that was created that day.\n\nSorry for elaborating so much hehe, I wanted to vent some of my backstory with him so that people could give me better advice for this.\n\nMy best friend doesn't hate him, but he doesn't have any good thing to say about him, only a few bad things. Don't misunderstand, I don't want to isolate him nor ignore him or stuff like that. It's just that I don't want him to join. I don't think he wants to join for the sake of charity but just because he wants to 'feel included' again and 'cool/popular'. At least, from my analysis, that's the kind of person I think he is. He's usually a negative nancy most of the time. He takes everything way too seriously, kinda lacks a sense of humor, and all he talks about is all this complicated stuff, as if trying to feel superior that he reads lots of books. I don't think he would fit in with my group of friends that runs a charity. It would probably not end well\n\nSo, as the title suggested, what is the best way to say \"no\" in this situation without hurting his feelings because he'll probably be pissed or something and try to ruin me through social media by spreading rumours and gossips all because I said \"no\". \n\nI guess what I'm really trying to say is, what is the best way to say \"no\" without actually saying \"no\" and simply denying his interest in joining? \n\nI don't know if that's possible, please give me advice.\n\nTL;DR: Guy I don't really like wants to join a charity my best friend along with some other friends made for ourselves. I don't think he'd fit in with us, and simply be bad since my other friends don't like him because he is kind of an ass. I'm afraid to say \"no\" because he'll probably try to embarrass me again. How to best say \"no\" without saying \"no\"?\n\nEDIT: A detail", "answer": "Like creative said, best course of action is to be straight forward. You don't have to give any explanation other than \n\n\n\"Thanks but we're good right now. We don't need any extra help but if we ever do, I'll let you know.\" \n\n\nSometimes you can't avoid hurting people's feelings. It's a fact of life. I imagine no matter what you say to him short of allowing him to join in, he's going to be pissed. You just have to weigh the consequences, what is going to be more of a pain in the ass for you, to have to deal with him joining or to have to deal with him being pissed? ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8jmcc5", "comment_id": "dz0uycu"}, {"question": "I feel too nerdy at times and i'm not sure if I should look into more hobbies or not", "description": "I'm not sure if this belongs here but i'm honestly not sure where to ask this.\n\nAnyway, as the title says, i'm a nerdy guy. I play boardgames, videogames, i read books, and thats most of who i am espeically hobbys wise.\n\nIssue is, i'm worried that's \"all\" I am. I'm fine being a nerd, I enjoy the culture (the positives, not the toxicity shit) but i'm not sure if I should branch out into more \"general\" hobbies (things i'd like of course, i'm not gonna say watch X tv show just because other people like it) to be more relatable or not.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being eclectic. You don't have to love everything as much as you love your core interests, but it's extremely helpful socially to at least have a base knowledge of and be able to enjoy many different things. \n\n\nI had a guitar teacher once tell me when I was really young that when it comes to music it's ridiculous to say you don't like an entire genre. If you look hard enough, you can find some aspect that you really appreciate. Life is better when you focus on the small things you can take joy in rather than discounting things. I try to apply this to as much as I can in my life and encourage others to do the same. \n\n\nExample, you might not love sports, but if you can understand it just enough, you might appreciate watching it and the camaraderie that goes along with it. \n\n\nYou might not love cooking and foodie stuff, but you might learn to appreciate the skill and competitiveness when it comes to cookie shows and competitions. \n\n\nFind a way to take joy in as many things as you can, while holding your core interests close. It'll give you a basis to relate to many more people and open up social opportunities in a completely genuine way. All friendships start based off of shared interest. You don't have to be an expert fanboy to say you're into this or that. Just a base knowledge and general curiosity. \n\n\nP.S. I'm also a huge NERD for plenty of things including board games. Board games and DnD are gaining popularity so fast that soon it won't be too hard to find a good group of friends with these interests. What are you playing right now? I'm an avid and regular DnD player. We also love Codenames, Secret Hitler, Lords of Waterdeep, and Anomia. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pmtgm", "comment_id": "e0cgjye"}, {"question": "Sponsor and Lord's Prayer plus bonus question, what is the the definition of The Fellowship to you?", "description": "I'm only 35 days clean, so a newbie... I had a \"high bottom\" if you will - started recovery before things got really bad because I saw the writing on the wall. A couple questions...\n\nMy sponsor and I started working together and she is literally reading the big book to me aloud, line by line, having me highlight and make margin notes exactly where her sponsor had her do it. We have gotten through the forwards in the 4th edition :-/\n\nIs this typical of sponsorship? I know a sponsor typically takes sponsees through the steps as they were but this method doesn't feel very useful. Have any of you had a sponsor do it in a different way?\n\nBigger question, we open our sessions with a prayer. The opening prayer is one that isn't related to a specific religion (I think it's made up) and I am comfortable reciting this prayer. We close with the Lord's Prayer. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I plan to discuss this with her but can I get some feedback on this? I am bothered because it's from a religious text and I have some trauma from a previous Christian experience. AA is not supposed to be religious so I am not sure why I should be asked to recite it.\n\nFinally, what does The Fellowship mean to you? My sponsor said it's the group of members and the sober activities done outside of meetings. Really? \n\nShe only has a year of sobriety and is still working on step 9 with her sponsor. Maybe I should find a new sponsor?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I worked with a sponsor in a different 12 step fellowship where I read the step alone, answered questions in a workbook, then talked with her to review my answers and ask any questions I had about anything I read. Later i worked the steps again, this time in AA and with a different sponsor, in the way you are doing - reading the big book out loud together and stopping to discuss and take notes exactly as her sponsor had done with her. After doing both I found the second method to be far superior in terms of helping me really \"get\" the big book. It's an older text from a different time and I would have missed a lot just reading on my own. \n\nI don't say the Lord's prayer, and I don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to. I disagree with the meetings that use it but I recognize their freedom to choose that if they wish.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "7y3h5a", "comment_id": "dude01t"}, {"question": "Please settle this for me! What test for insulin resistance?", "description": "Basically, the title. I'm trying to get pregnant, and wondering if I should be on metformin. My RE tested my fasting insulin and said it's really good (I believe she said they look for it to be under a 10, and it's a 4), so that Met wouldn't do me any good. But I can tell I have hypoglycemia issues, and I also know I've seen people on here say that test isn't sufficient. So what test(s) should I insist on? Thanks ", "answer": "Hmm. Fasting insulin usually is the go-to test to diagnose insulin resistance. You could ask for the 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test, but that's a pain and not all centers will even do it (I think). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ly4vr", "comment_id": "cvasvl7"}, {"question": "Should I [26/m] trust her [24/f] again and accept what happened, and how?", "description": "Ok, so.. my story is a mess. I'd been friends with benefits with a coworker for over a year, but then she stopped it in December (she actually never told me anything, just started to give excuses to not go out with me). I've always liked her so much but after some months I realized I loved her and asked her if she was ever going to be with me again and long story short, she said she always liked me a lot but she thought I didn\u2019t (I did a good job trying not to make us not get attached, but looks like I failed), then started seeing another guy from work who liked her, started liking him too, and short after they started \"dating\", he moved to USA (we live in Brazil), then they made plans to spend her vacation together in NYC (that's happening right now).\n\nWell, I tried everything to win her back before I knew about her trip, but when she told me everything I'd just tried to accept it because everything was paid already. But then, last week, 4 days before her flight, we went out again, and we spent those 4 days together. It was perfect and we loved it. She also told me she loved me. The day before the flight she told me she was still going to NYC, but after what happened she wouldn't do anything with him, she talked to him and he agreed it would be only a friendly relationship. But of course that didn't happen.\n\nThe day after she arrived, she told me they had sex (apparently there were friends telling her she should do it) and it was not good and she realized for good I am the one for her and that she told him that and she won't do it anymore. I believe her. But now I've got to put up with them being together as friends for another 20 days, knowing there can be a new spark at any moment.\n\nI've been trying to accept what happened, I really love her, and I believe she loves me too, and I want to have what we had in those 4 days, but it's been so hard for me to accept what she did. I know I screwed up from the beginning because I let her believe I didn't care for her and she found another. And we don't have any compromise, but after what happened last week I was misled and thought it was implicit. Now she's broken my trust. I want it to work out when she's back but I just don't know how to accept it because I'm so hurt. I'm even considering having sex with an escort just to see if somehow it makes me see sex as something more natural (and also because I'm angry and sad) and get over what they did, but I know I would regret it and feel miserable afterwards.\n\nAny advice on how to get over it? Each minute she's there fills me with pain and doubts. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ga10q", "comment_id": "dionmof"}, {"question": "Does my beard pattern indicate Kleinfelter Syndrom?", "description": "Hi. I am 27, white, and have some symptoms consistent with Kleinfelter. I read somewhere that I cannot remember that Kleinfelter makes beard around month and thin less feasable. Well I let my beard grow and it looks very beardless in those places. I am from Boise. Height is 6 feet 1. Weight like 160 lbs.\n\u200bhttps://imgur.com/a/0YDOpJw", "answer": "Klinefelter syndrome can range from completely without symptoms to significant. Lower height would be one of the most common; being 6'1\" doesn't absolutely rule out Klinefelter, but it's unlikely.\n\nIf you want a definitive answer, a karyotype (counting chromosomes) is straightforward and will give you that answer. I suspect that you do not have Klinefelter syndrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f8ts18", "comment_id": "finu266"}, {"question": "I have no identity.", "description": "When you read that, you might be thinking that I \u201cdon\u2019t know who I am\u201d or that I need to \u201cfind myself\u201d or something along those lines. All of that pop psychology stuff.\n\nNo. What I mean when I say that I don\u2019t feel like I truly exist in this dimension. I don\u2019t feel....real. I look at myself in the mirror and I can\u2019t say with certainty that that is who I am. I look at my body and understand that this is the body I\u2019m occupying, this is \u201cme\u201d, but I don\u2019t really identify with my physical form. \n\nIf someone asked me to describe who I am, the closest thing I could say would be that I\u2019m my mind. My thoughts. My stream of consciousness. My mind is neither male nor female. It\u2019s some of both. Or possibly none at all. \n\nI guess I live in my mind. And sometimes I get so caught up in my thoughts that it\u2019s hard to focus on the here and now. \n\nWhen I finally realized all of this, it started to make sense why I often feel alienated from people. Why I generally don\u2019t bond with most people I meet. That no matter how much they like me, they don\u2019t ever really *know* me.\n\nThey like what they see me as. How they perceive me. Who I am to them is my physical form and what comes out of my mouth. \n\nI used to wish I knew \u201cwho I was\u201d. I used to want to emulate certain people and be them. I used to want to play the human game and have a very defined and appealing \u201crole\u201d in life.\n\nBut as I get older, I\u2019d just as soon let go of being human altogether. It\u2019s too stressful to constantly make sure you\u2019re an acceptable human and that people approve of you. \n\nIf I could somehow escape into my mind and shed this physical world, I think I probably would.", "answer": "Your descriptions sound a bit like depersonalization-derealization. I have had some episodes of DP-DR and it is quite a strange experience. Does the description of that (if you Google it) resonate? Or is what you're talking about something more conceptual or intellectual than experiential?", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hht3gr", "comment_id": "fwc8tlz"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has crush and a dream", "description": "So me and my girlfriend both 18 have been dating for almost a year. We both started college at different schools. She had recently lost her sex drive completely. She then texted me saying she had a dream that she had cheated on me twice. I know it was just a dream but it still hurt to hear. She told me that she didn't do anything with the first guy just flirted, but didn't say anything about the second guy. \n\nLater she tells me that she loves me and will always love me, but that she has a crush. She says that she feels really guilty for it and wants to stay with me. I learned that the first guy in the dream was this crush. \n\nI'm not sure what you say, do, think, or anything to that matter. I feel like I want to just ignore it and have this just disappear, but it can't. Can someone give me advice on this. ", "answer": "It's simply hard to sustain love from teens to forever. Most people need a period of exploration before they settle down. Not what you wanted to hear, but a reality nonetheless. Make sure you always talk about your status as a couple so you know where things stand..... crushes can be idol fantasies that evaporate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xhrsh", "comment_id": "dmg0o3e"}, {"question": "He cheated and I still love him. Help.", "description": "*language warning sorry*\n\nGoing to try make this simple. I found out about 3 weeks ago my boyfriend (of a year, whom I live with) cheated on me because I am \"not as sexually active as he needs\" but the problem now is I am so hurt that all I can think of even when he just kisses me is him sleeping with that girl. He wants me to do more with him but I'm too hurt to even think about it. How am I supposed to go back to normal shit like sex when he cheated on me? I have also just become so fucking paranoid, I have lost a lot of trust in him because of this but I still can't decide if it's better for us to be together or break up. It seems better for him to just break up with me because I've become so angry and just overall mentally unwell and it seemed so easy for him to cheat on me in the first place so what's stopping him from doing it again? I want to give a second chance but this has already happened to me before in a previous relationship (he cheats, I forgive, he cheats again) and I don't know if I can break my own heart again. I feel like it's inevitable and we're going to part anyway but I just can't seem to do it. I really fucking care about him and love him deeply but I just don't want to get hurt again by him. He is my best friend but also my boyfriend so if I leave him I loose both and I don't know what I would do without him. He really took care of me when we first met, he really seemed to give a fuck about little nothing me, my bad eating habits, me getting sleep, my safety, and me genuinely being happy, he really cared. He says he loves me but he said that before, now it seems to have lost some of its meaning. I just didn't understand how he still loves me if it's so easy to sleep with someone else? I don't understand how you cheat and still care? \n\nPlease respond to this as if it was happening to you, I don't really have a support group and I've never posted a thing here so I appreciate the honesty.", "answer": "he's immature and not ready for what you need. staying with him is like pouring salt in a wound. leaving him would involve a short period of intense grief, but if you maintain no contact, you'll heal and move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lp9ff", "comment_id": "dbxewut"}, {"question": "Is it safe to take my ADHD medication after I ruptured my kidney?", "description": "Age: 21\nMale\nHeight: 6'4\"\nWeight: 165 lbs\nCurrent Medication: Norco 5/325, Ritalin\n\nHello, hope all is well, about three weeks ago, I fell off my bicycle and ruptured my kidney and fractured my pinkie on my right arm. I am a lot better know and have been prescribed Norco to help ease the pain, but I try to take it as least as possible. I'm not having sharp pains in my kidney like I was in the first week of my recovery.\n\nI was wondering if it would be safe to take Ritalin? Will it interact with my kidney? I will not be combining the NDRI with the Norco. Thanks in advance.", "answer": "What do you mean by [\"ruptured kidney\"](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/acute-kidney-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx) - did you suffer a change in renal function and has it been checked since you recovered?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "558ye4", "comment_id": "d88l5ej"}, {"question": "Ashamed to get a diagnosis for what I know is OCD. But maybe someone can help verify my symptoms.", "description": "I am 28 year old Caucasian male. Do I seem to have OCD? When I was young I would wash my hands until they bleed. I seem to be over that symptom now. But I am still plagued with other symptoms. It takes me forever to leave my home. I check all of my faucets, lights and locks again and again. The fridge doors I must check to make sure they are closed by tapping the doors a couple times. When I drive my car I am afraid I hit someone or something even thought it is insane to do, I even sometimes go back to drive the same route to make sure I did not. Everyone seems to think I am crazy because when I enter the building I must check a couple times that the door is securely shut. I feel embarrassed to see a doctor about these symptoms. Do I possibly have OCD?", "answer": "I don't doubt that this seems embarrassing to you, but this sounds very likely like standard OCD to a psychiatrist. It's very treatable, which hopefully will help you not feel embarrassed in interactions with people who aren't your doctor!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8kdqz", "comment_id": "esnmwek"}, {"question": "Please help me.", "description": "I just want to feel good again. My husband left me and I used food to feel good. I was only 130 when he left but I went up to 240. I felt like people treated me like I was less of a person. I was tired of being treated bad by everyone. I just wanted to love myself again.\n\nSo, I started lowering my calories to 1500 a day. Then 1200. Then 1000. And my weightloss wasn't fast enough so I'm at 800 now. I loved hearing people complement my loss. Everyone kept telling me how great I was looking. I finally am feeling better. \n\nI am at 155 now. I eat a 95 calorie breakfast. Egg whites, spinach and tomato. I eat spinach, fish and kale for lunch shortly before I workout, about 210. Then carrots, raspberries, tofu, asparagus but mainly salads.\n\nBut now I can't stop. I am terrified of gaining anything back. I was restricting with the assumption that I was just doing this until I lost some weight. I noticed what I was doing was bad so I told a friend, but she said I was too fat to have an ed. This was the same friend who told me when was raped it didn't count because I thought the guy was cute. I was drugged but whatever. Why is she my friend still? Because I don't want to be alone.\n\nI dunno what I'm even here for.", "answer": "Hey there. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain right now. I'm glad you know that it isn't right for someone to talk to you that way. That person isn't your friend.\n\nNo one here can diagnose you with an eating disorder. But your post does hint that your eating behavior is very disordered.\n\nI really think you would benefit from speaking and working with a professional: someone who has worked with people who struggle with all of the things that you struggle with right now. Someone who will be able to help you work through the pain you're feeling. Have you considered that?\n\nEven if you haven't, or aren't ready for that yet, I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. And you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your body.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "26jgvd", "comment_id": "chrlxyl"}, {"question": "You can't get sober with an alcoholic partner", "description": "45 days.\nThat's how long I stayed sober the last time I quit drinking in June. I managed 45 beautiful days. It's funny because as time progressed my desire to drink was less and less.\n\nMy partner on the other hand, was a drunk. I tried to get him to quit with me, and he lasted about 4 days before I caught him sneaking drinks behind my back. His alcoholism is much more far gone than mine, because he couldn't hold down a job nor could he keep up with his bills.\n\nSomewhere during my 45th day of sobriety, I was craving a glass of red wine like it was something I needed more than life itself. When this had happened in the past, I would check in here, or talk to friends, go for a really nice slice of cheesecake, whatever. \n\nMy ex however, encouraged it. He said I had been \"sober long enough\" and deserved the drink. I honestly in that moment, couldn't see the harm... so I had a glass of wine, and another, and another, and I watched him continue to fill my glass in excitement and order more wine.\n\nAfter that, it was game over. He was SO excited I was drinking again. Alcohol was back in the house, drinks were flowing... and I was right back where I was.\n\nI didn't want to be there. I was angry. I was sad. I felt depressed. I remember hating my boyfriend because he was a mean drunk, and getting drunk together meant sometimes it would end in violence for me. I remember being sober and how much I couldn't stand him, and wanted to be rid of him.\n\nFinally in November I found the courage to leave him and am on my own as of Dec 1st. During our time, I paid for everything. Including his alcohol problem which didn't help. He would order shots for us at the bar, and then expect me to pay. My financial situation was the worst it had ever been. \n\nI spent December drinking over the holidays, and being a disaster. January rolled around and I kept drinking. I was depressed, and sad. However one morning I woke up and realized this wasn't the life I wanted anymore. I was free of my ex and I could finally be sober.\n\nJan 26th was the last day I drank. The first 10 days were hard, but since then, I haven't wanted to drink.\n\nI've learned I am still a lazy piece of shit who enjoys bingewatching television shows and sleeping until noon... but I can do that sober. And I could never have done this if I was still with my ex.\n\nYou can't get sober if you have a partner who continues to deny you sobriety. I see a lot of people in here who are faced with those challenges... and I hope you can find a way to get sober together, but in my experience it will only end with drinking continuing again as it did many times in my relationship.\n\nI will not drink with you today.\n\nThanks for listening. ", "answer": "It\u2019s nice that some folks here were able to do it while their partner continued to drink, but my experience was like yours, minus the intentional encouragement; we just enabled each other. \n\nI knew I couldn\u2019t get sober if he didn\u2019t. Both of us like to think the other had the bigger problem, but that\u2019s irrelevant. I had to leave him in order to get sober, and even then it took me six months to quit. He never did. \n\nI like to say I separated from my husband because he was an alcoholic\u2014but I divorced him because I was. \n\nHardest, most painful decision I ever had to make; harder still to follow through on. But no regrets. \n\nGood luck to you on your sober journey. IWDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7ylp6m", "comment_id": "duiq70a"}, {"question": "Most Annoying Roommate, Ever.", "description": "I am tired. So fucking tired of this roommate of mine. She has lived with me for 2 months and it has been a living hell the entire time. I hate to even be awake when she's awake. I need to make a list of all the things I dislike about her in hopes that it will help me feel a bit better. Here we go. \n\n* Odd sleeping schedule. She will stay up until like 7AM and then get up at like freakin 5PM. She works from home (if you call it work she makes like 10 dollars a day) so she can work whenever but the fact that my lights are on 24/7 because of her weird ass sleep schedule annoys me. Which leads to my next complaint. \n\n* She is driving all my bills up. I took on a roommate so I could save money for a new car. This chick takes 45 minute showers, leaves lights and her pc on 24/7. She is wasteful when it comes to food as well but she has food stamps so that's her problem I guess. But anyone who will open a thing of lunch meat and then sniff it the next day to make sure it's still good is really fucking stupid. You JUST opened it. Doesn't matter though because she'll throw it away after it's been open for just 24 hours. Ridiculous. \n\n* She's really dumb. Like not intelligent at all. She's 30 years old and doesn't know how to do basic things like open a bank account, use the washer/dryer, use the oven, cook a hamburger. Things that are really common sense. She's just not book smart as well. Her vocabulary is very limited. However...\n* She talks ALL THE TIME. She comments on the smallest thing my cats do, what's going on outside. She can't just tell a story she has to drag it out for like 5 minutes. Everything is funny to her. I can't have a conversation with anyone else in my house without her butting in. I'm NOT talking to you! Why are you putting in your two cents?!\n* She's lazy. The only thing she will do is dishes when I write on the board that it's her turn. She will not wipe down a kitchen counter, clean the bathroom (her hair is all over my bathroom sink right now and the bathroom trash is running over with her 200 pads/panty liners). It's like she's not going to do anything until I tell her to. I'm not her mother so this thought pisses me off so badly.\n\n* She thinks it's okay to just not have rent on time. She has the money to pay her part of rent right now but she thinks she should have a few more days to make more money so she doesn't have to spend what she has now. Tomorrow will not be pleasant for her because I'm going to demand she give me all the money she owes or she's out the door. She will sit at her computer on Facebook or tumblr all day but she won't make her goals with her job. \n\n* She has no goals for the future. She just mooches off me and the government. She lived with her parents until the age of 30 and is just content with her food stamps, no driver license and 10 dollar a day job. When I kick her out (which will happen in the next few months I'm sure) she'll go right back to living with her parents and doing nothing all day long.\n\n* She sits at her desk and stares at me. I feel like when I'm in the same room with her she has a damn staring problem. It's creepy though there are more pressing issues than that. It's just annoying.\n\n* Back to the food. She will use my food without asking. She went through 3 gallons of milk by herself in less than a month. That is insane to me. I don't get food stamps so that is coming out of my pocket. \n\n* She goes through a 24 pack of toilet paper in a week. I have stopped sharing it with her because of this. She currently has half a roll that I so graciously let her have until she gets more. \n\n* She NEVER leaves the house. She is either sleeping or sitting in front of her computer. Never even goes out on the porch or anything. \n\nSigh. I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't stand but that's all I can think of right now that stands out.", "answer": "Is she... sick or something? Sounds too weird to be true.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "221pws", "comment_id": "cgir168"}, {"question": "I've heard of getting a second doctor's opinion. What's the probability that if the 1st opinion is incorrect, the 2nd would be? Should I get a third?", "description": "General question thinking about those who want another opinion because they feel the first is incorrect or want the most treatment options available.\n\nWhat is the optimal number of doctor opinions to get in order to minimize the chances of misdiagnosis and maximize the number of treatment options?\n\n*This is a general statistical question; however, I am an Asian in my 30's with 100+ food allergies confirmed by two allergists and always wondered what the probability was both were incorrect or that I was missing a potential treatment by not seeing a third doctor. Currently, simply taking omeprazole, ondansetron as needed, and avoiding many foods was the option given to me.*", "answer": "It's a copout, but the optimal number of opinions is an \"it depends.\" It depends on how difficult the diagnosis is to make and how much uncertainty there is. That's an important question to ask. It's reasonable if you're dubious to get a second opinion; if someone else doesn't think the diagnosis/treatment is a slam-dunk but the first one was, even if they agree, then there's at least more margin for uncertainty.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88w8th", "comment_id": "dwnufxt"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [30/m] is newly obsessed with polyamory and seems to want to have open relationship. I [28/f] don't. What do I do?", "description": "My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together a little over a year, and just recently we have taken the step of moving in together (almost 1 month ago). Our relationship is really good, very few arguments and good sex, so all in all we've both been really happy. \n\n\nI took him away a few weeks ago for his birthday for a cool and slightly romantic weekend away, and he chose a moment in bed to ask whether I would ever consider a threesome or an open relationship (etc.), to which I had a few joke responses, but I soon realised he was serious and told him that actually it would be a deal-breaker for me. We had a bit of an argument about it, with me being pitted against him as being narrow minded/ him being hurtful asking me on a romantic evening, and when I asked him outright if he wanted an open relationship he said no. In the morning I thought the subject had been dropped and I put it down to him just wanting to fight or being a bit tactless. \n\n\nHowever, since then he's been mentioning open relationships a few times since and commenting about how monogamy is a social construct, and he's watching a TV series and reading a book where the central theme is polyamory, and it's making me really worry that he's polyamorous and now wants to explore that. \n\n\nIt seems really unlikely because he's slightly jealous as a person (as am I!) and often reacts negatively to news of friends being cheated on/cheating on their other halves or people flirting when they have a partner... however a lot of his friends are in their very early twenties, and a girl he used to really fancy is in an open relationship, so I wonder if that's been an influence? Additionally he's at a bit of a loose end at the moment, he has no real career direction and is unhappy with his restaurant waiting job, so I am wondering if it's some strange upshot of that? \n\n\nI am not narrow minded about polyamory but I know that I would not want that at all - no matter who I was with. I want children and a tight family unit, and I am completely unwilling to share any element of that with other people - sexual or otherwise, but there seems very little support for people leaving a relationship because of that. Everything online is about \"adapting\" and putting up with it, there's very little saying \"it's ok not to want that and to leave because of that\". \n\n\nI know who I am just as much as he knows himself, and I'm not against trying it because I don't love him enough - I just know it would really hurt me and I can't put myself through that. \n\n\nI just have no idea what to do. I worry that if I say to him \"we need to break up if this is what you really want because it's not something I want\" then he'll just lie to me and himself to keep me, and it'll all fail in the end anyway. He seems obsessed with the topic now. Help! \n\n\n\nTLDR; unsure if boyfriend's new obsession with polyamory is sincere or a reaction to current life situation, it's a deal breaker for me if it's sincere, unsure of next step. ", "answer": "the rel. will end if you're not on the same page. polyamory rarely works. you have to have ZERO jealousy potential which few people have. don't let him pressure you. go with your gut.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tt2xz", "comment_id": "dlnd1zk"}, {"question": "How can I be providing therapy when I'm a mess myself?", "description": "My company has started doing telehealth with our families and clients since our early intervention clinic is closed due to Covid. All of my sessions are done on the bed or bedroom floor because of HIPPA, and the fact that my husband is also working from home. We're in a 1 bedroom apartment. Even parks and trails are chained up and locked, so there's very few options for a safe change of scenery. I feel guilty saying I can't take any more clients ( I have 4 clients and will soon have 6) because I'm the only clinician without kids or family to take care of, and we're being paid our full salary ( at least for this month). I'm having a harder and harder time holding myself together. I can't sleep, I'm crying on and off all the time, and I'm becoming anxious about everything. I don't know how to say no, or even if I can, and I just want to unplug everything and make these responsibilities go away. But I can't - because my clients and their families are hurting even more. I don't know how long I can maintain this.", "answer": "I\u2019m in a similar situation in some ways. I\u2019ve also been limiting taking new clients even though I do have some time in my schedule. I think that\u2019s fair. If your burnout is high you need to protect your energy for the clients you already have. \n\nI am also seeing patients from a very small apartment and it makes it really hard to have boundaries around my work. I\u2019ve designated one specific chair as my work chair. I really really try not to do any sessions from my bed because I just need to preserve that space. Can\u2019t help doing some from the bedroom (because that\u2019s all there is) but I try to at least avoid my bed. \n\nDo you have a therapist yourself? I think we all need support at these times and we have to keep ourselves as healthy as we can mentally as well as physically. The situation can feel really impossible. \n\nI am also trying to cut myself some slack for not being as good a therapist as usual. I do my best but there are limitations emotionally and practically. And I\u2019m trying to let myself off the hook for just doing the best I can in each session. \n\nI really get what you\u2019re saying.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g1mi8r", "comment_id": "fnh34x5"}, {"question": "Anyone else get irritated when you try to explain bpd to people with non bpd and they reply, \u201cI think everyone does that\u201d", "description": "Seems very invalidating because you know they don\u2019t really understand to the full extent that you do\n\n\nEdit: I meant to write people without bpd*", "answer": "Yes but to be fair, people do that with everything. Depression? I do that. Anxiety? That's me too! Adhd? Oh that's totally me", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9lg08l", "comment_id": "e76iu9w"}, {"question": "I'm (24/F) scared of becoming too dependent and needy for my partner (32/M)", "description": "Possible TW\n\nSo, we've only been together a few months and in that time he's wanted to hear about my past history of abuse and self harm. After talking about this a few times I feel myself wanting to be able to talk about it when I'm feeling low and in need of support. I do worry that he struggles to here it though as it's not the nicest topic.\n\nI don't want to feel like a burden to him or that he might not want me anymore. What would you do?", "answer": "it's not a relationship if you can't be YOU. have you had therapy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ousay", "comment_id": "dkkdzz8"}, {"question": "Advice for interviewing 11-13 year olds 1 on 1?", "description": "Any help would be greatly appreciated :)", "answer": "I work with this age group, and it's really not different from talking to older teens or young adults. Ask getting to know you questions the same you would anyone else, and if you can try to connect on a TV show, youtube channel, sport, whatever they're into. You'll earn their respect simply by talking to them as normal people -- at this age they still get talked down to by adults.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "3ke523", "comment_id": "cuwq6ic"}, {"question": "Marriage therapy", "description": "My SO is bipolar. The past 2 years have been hell. Major rage, anger, & paranoia. He's on meds and has a therapist, whom he has been seeing for about 6 months. He does not let me go to any of his appointments because he thinks I'll ruin his perfect patient image. He comes off warm and caring and open to his doctors, but with me and his family he is completely different and blames everything on us and everything is a trigger to him. We recently started seeing a marriage therapist and to him, it's ok to stay things about me that are cruel and untrue because I deserve it. But when I bring up any of my feelings or issues, he cannot acknowledge they exist and that how I feel is unimportant or not right. He also will still try and act like a complete saint while in a session with me, but once we leave, he just starts raging on me. The whole ride home plus another 3o-60 minutes he raged on me calling me a liar and that I made him look bad and then proceeds to say all kinds of nasty things, rather screams them. I had valid issues he doesn't seem to care about. It's all him and what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he feels justified on terrorizing me for days. So now I've ruined Christmas because I brought up an issue I wanted addressed and hopefully the therapist would have a solution. So now I sit, 6 hours later while he gets drunk and rages. When a couple like us comes into a marriage counseling session, can they see that one person feels completely censored and afraid to say anything to upset the other person? Can they see that one person feels so verbally and emotionally abused that they will tow the line at any cost? Can they see that they are afraid to bring up any topic regarding abuse because they know if they do, the next day to month will be hell because that person has brought up a valid issue and the one accused will make the punishment unbearable. I don't see this ever helping when my significant other refuses to take any responsibility.", "answer": "This sounds like a whole lot more than bipolar. \n\nAlso, yes. I'm willing to bet any therapist worth their salt would see through this charade. And yes, when one person feels censored it is obvious. This is largely why I strongly advocate that all couple therapy must include sections of the sessions where the therapist speaks individually with each partner. \n\nI am really impressed with the courage you have had to share what is going on for you. I'm so sorry. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a850l6", "comment_id": "ec897pj"}, {"question": "i still love my ex :(", "description": "my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be \"just friends\" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as \"just friends\", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied \"if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place.\" he also said \"i like the way we are now.. \" \nthe thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji \"\ud83d\udc4c\ud83c\udffb\" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup BUT WE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHERRRRRRR :'( someone pls help me :((((", "answer": "wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction. in other words, he has feelings for you AND he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2dzc", "comment_id": "dcg4tfs"}, {"question": "what does \"I need to take a break\" really mean?", "description": "Want some answers from men's point of view, what do you really mean when you say \"I need to take a break?\"\n\nThis guy I've been seeing for 8 months, everything went pretty well, recently he's been acting distant, we haven't spoken to each other for almost a week. We are not living together, so usually we only saw each other on our days off. I really felt a bit upset and today I asked him what's going on, he said he had lots of thoughts on minds about what he wants and stress at work etc. What bothers me most is when I asked him whether he's still serious about us he said he's not sure now. Before this, he told me he was committed to me and wanted to have a future with me.\n\nReally appreciate if I could get some advice on this situation. Thanks:)", "answer": "it means there's ambivalence. most of the time it means it's over. sometimes it means a little space to evaluate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f12gq", "comment_id": "diekrt3"}, {"question": "How do I quit my job?", "description": "I'm 16, and I work part-time at a fast food place. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and I'm finding that this job and balancing school is just making it worse for me. I don't know how to tell my boss I am going to quit because I'm socially awkward.", "answer": "Write a letter, \"this is my two weeks notice. My last day will be x\". They need no more justification than that. \n\nIf they push for an explanation, just tell them that you are having a tough time balancing school and work. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "586nb5", "comment_id": "d8y9mzn"}, {"question": "My (20/F) boyfriend (25/M) makes insensitive comments. Do I leave?", "description": "So, my boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months now and he has this tendency to make comments about other women. He would make sexual innuendos regarding girls on ig, actresses, etc. and then proceed to tell me \"you know I think you're the most attractive.\" I have told him that it is unacceptable to me and he has made the effort to curb this behavior, but he did it again recently when we were watching a movie. Except this time he kept commenting on how stunning the actress was. Now, I understand that he isn't going to up and leave me for an unattainable actress, but the fact that he doesn't just say it once, he says it multiple times. Specifically, he'll continuously comment on the actress's features through the entire movie rather than make a single comment. By the end of the movie I have heard about how gorgeous this woman is more times than I can count. \n\nI'm not an insecure woman by any means as I have an older sister who did nothing but make mean comments about me growing up, so I had to learn to love myself. However, I feel like my boyfriend's comments are insensitive because of how much he repeats them and how animated he is when he says them. I also feel like he does it purposely to make me upset so he can then say things like \"you know I only love you\" or \"I would choose you over any of them.\" \n\nWhat do you think and how should I go about this situation? Am I overreacting? \n\nTL;DR my boyfriend says things that make me uncomfortable even though I have spoken to him about them before. Am I overreacting?", "answer": "he's immature. if he doesn't hear you, that's a big problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kthcf", "comment_id": "dbqhndd"}, {"question": "Should I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C without the doctor giving me a blood test?", "description": "I went to a sleep specialist recently and have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (AHI=60). My doctor recommended that along with my cpap, I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C, a teaspoon of Apple Cider Vinegar, and 1 mg of melatonin. He never did blood work on me.\n\nI've read about Vitamins being unnecessary at best, dangerous over the long term at worst, but I'm really concerned that because he didn't take a blood test and has no idea what my Vitamin C levels are, that he's just proscribing something that I don't need. I know the recommended amount is around 90 mg per day, so I'm just in general worried about what he has prescribed.\n\nAlso, isn't the apple cider vinegar thing an old wives tale? And what about the melatonin? I know that melatonin is what helps you fall asleep, but what are the long term results of taking artificial melatonin at 1 mg indefinitely?", "answer": "Apple cider vinegar is indeed an old wive's tale given new life by the pseudomedicine industry. Vitamin C supplementation is safe, but I don't know why it was recommended. 1 mg of melatonin might be helpful or might not be; for that, particularly for sleep problems, I'd defer to the sleep specialist.\n\nI doubt any of these recommendations are harmful, but without information on why I'm also skeptical about them being helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "93ge3k", "comment_id": "e3d8pec"}, {"question": "Is it wrong to ask a girl what are they looking for?", "description": "If they're looking for a relationship or just friends/etc?", "answer": "you should ALWAYS ask. that's a big problem of reddit folks; not clarify and defining enough.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6be87k", "comment_id": "dhlwjlo"}, {"question": "Very scared that I have diabetes", "description": "Hi everyone: \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMale\n\n23\n\n50kg/110 ibs, but I think I've increased that to 54 kg/119 ibs \n\n&#x200B;\n\n5 foot 10 inches\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSouth Asian (Pakistani) \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*----------------------------------------\\*\\*\n\nBasically, I've had insomina for the past 2/3 weeks. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI took over the counter sleeping pills then after a week my doctor gave me zopiclone\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis didn't work and yesterday he gave me Mirtazapine. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was awake for hours before I took the mitrazapine and I fell asleep for 18 hours. I woke up about 11/12 after taking it, but 6 hours later it became 18 hours which is when I usually wake up. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nDue to this Insominia I haven't been going to the gym lately. I only went yesterday at 6am for rowing and leg workouts. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nToday, I woke up and I felt like my brain was going to pop. I had this strange feeling. It's the feeling you get when you've slept a lot (say about 12 hours) right after you wake up, but it went on for hours and hours. I had breakfast and even went out so I walked about 30-40 minutes in total today. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*I think the best way to explain this is feeling drowsy, but exactly drowsy\\*\\*. It's very hard to explain.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*It feels like I'm very tired without feeling tired\\*\\*. \\*\\*I didn't want to move or talk today\\*\\*. \\*\\*I don't feel tired (necessarily), but I feel extremely lazy\\*\\*. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nFor the last few weeks, I've been eating a lot. I've had a lot of sugar, but also healthy high protein food to build muscle. As I've said, I've not been to the gym in the past 2/3 weeks, but I've been eating a lot. This has raised my weight by about 5kg to 55kg. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy mouth also feels a little dry even though my oral hygiene is good, so I can't see this dry mouth as a dental hygiene problem. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*I've also had some kidney pain in the last few days\\*\\*. This isn't much, but I think it's worth saying. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've also woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, but to be fair, I've been drinking a lot of water at meals and I usually fall asleep after meals these past few days. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*So my question is\\*\\*. Does anybody think this is diabetes? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm kind of worried because I have diabetes in my family (granmother and uncle), and I'm getting very serious about sports so of course this will stop me from going far. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you all. I know this a very strange and convoluted question, but I'm quite scared. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Diabetes is easily diagnosed, but not online. None of what you describe sounds particularly suggestive, though. Waking up once to urinate is not alarming if during the day you aren't inexplicably thirsty and constantly urinating. Weight gain can cause diabetes, but isn't caused by diabetes, and a several kilogram weight gain is unlikely to cause instant diabetes.\n\nIt's easy enough to have your fasting blood glucose checked if you're concerned.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p2m48", "comment_id": "e7yks1u"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "A few of my friends have told me that I tend to avoid looking at people when they're talking to me. Reading the posts on r/socialskills, they say one of the key ingredients to confidence is eye contact. So I did a social experiment on myself. I found that I couldn't look at my friends while talking to them for more than 2 or 3 seconds. After a few seconds I feel really uncomfortable and the thought of maintaining eye contact is daunting. I've been trying to fix this but I can't help but look away or I'll feel like breaking out into a panic attack. Any advice on improving my eye contact?", "answer": "I wrote a guide to [making eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact). Perhaps you'll find it helpful? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19bkpz", "comment_id": "c8mm4e5"}, {"question": "\"ASK\" Documentary (Nov '16 Release Date)", "description": "I'm new to Reddit and had no idea a community of recovery existed like this. Very cool. I've been sober for 4 years and currently live in Dallas, TX and go to a group called DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous).\n\nI'm posting to share a documentary I've been working on with a team of addicts and codependents for the past 2 years. We want to encourage people by hearing stories of alcoholics, addicts, codependents, teaching, and hopefully laughing. Our film is nonprofit and will be given away for free online.\n\nYou can see the trailer of the film here: http://www.askdocumentary.com", "answer": "Just watched the trailer....can't wait for the release. I'm an addictions counselor and would love to be able to show this in my group sessions to my clients. Thank you for doing this", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "56021h", "comment_id": "d8h9fh1"}, {"question": "(NSFW) Gonna set the record straight on the whole \"dick size\" debate.", "description": "I just read a post from a guy who says he feels emasculated by someone publicly mocking him for \"probably having a small dick\" because he's short. It irritates my pussy like you would not believe when people actually hurt the feelings of innocent dudes with the whole \"your dick is probably really small\" thing. \n\nListen. I've been with all kinds. \n\nInterestingly, and consistently, the guys who have been horrible people to their core have ALWAYS been the guys with ugly dicks. Skinny dicks, crooked dicks, microscopic dicks, dicks that are too huge to even work. \n\nI've had incredible sex with \"below-average size\" dick. It's not the friggin size that makes the sex great. What makes sex great is the PERSON ATTACHED TO THE DICK.\n\nAnd ladies, if you're going to make fun of someone's dick, DO IT IN PRIVATE. A guy knows if his dick is bad. If you are an evil little man, chances are, your dick is bad, and, CHANCES ARE, the reason you are an evil little man is because you are so, so deeply *bent out of shape* about your repulsive, little dick. \n\nAnyway I might get hate for my opinion on this, but to that guy who posted who was sad about those dumb girls, here's a *tip*. Try romancing your date to the point where she won't even be clued in on the \"little\" issue. For instance, take her out or make dinner together, watch a romantic comedy, give her a little gift, and **make out in low light or candle light.** If it's dark enough, she won't even know how big or small it is, and once she's hooked on what you've got to offer, when she sees it later in the bright light of day she might even be shocked at what you can do with what you've got.\n\nGood luck, dude!", "answer": "I didn't know my dude had a small dick until he self-consciously brought it up. It's not like we're down there with measuring tapes! Just \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c LET IT GOOOOOOO \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c .", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2u5z1c", "comment_id": "co5zawp"}, {"question": "I'm too awkward I give up", "description": "I've tried for the past 4 years to be sociable. I got into an addiction and used it as a crutch to be sociable. When I'm sober I just can't handle it. I'm pretty much a mute. I'm so awkward. I probably gave off the creepy vibe without even trying due to my social ineptness. Now, if I try to talk to any one of the opposite sex I'm ignored or blown off.\n\nThe friends I had aren't really there any more. I feel like my social anxiety ruined my life and I committed social suicide. I don't know what else to do, except just give up.", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? Therapy for social anxiety has effectiveness rates of about 70% for people that complete treatment. Those are very good odds, so it can probably help you too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4a4izc", "comment_id": "d0xkoox"}, {"question": "I can't keep any friends because of my anger issues", "description": "Even if they're people who agree with me on almost everything, I always find something trivial to burst into anger about. No one wants to be around me because of this behavior. I'm often able to hold it in around people but there's this sort of \"breaking point\" where I can no longer hold in my hatred and anger towards a person or group of people, and I just start acting really hostile to them, and it gets gradually worse. I just stormed off from a group of friends and implied I wouldn't come back, but I think they're glad that I did. No one cared to come and talk to me after that.", "answer": "No time to elaborate but mindfulness meditation can help with regulating this sort of explosiveness if you practice regularly", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "60suy6", "comment_id": "df9ngbd"}, {"question": "Need Advice on my relationship, [18/M] dating a [16/F].", "description": "I\u2019ve been dating this girl for 2 months now and we were friends for nearly 2 years before this and basically spoke every day at least over text. We do see each other at school most days and do pay special attention to each other a lot as we both love each other. But generally, she is the most amazing girl, but we generally don\u2019t share too many common hobbies. I feel like our conversations have been lacking quite a bit recently and I really want to fix this over both text and in Person. I do try a little harder when it comes to making conversations but we speak soo much and I just don\u2019t ever want this to die down? What can I do to try and improve this? \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Make sure she is a legal age of consent where you live.\n\nMost young people talk more than they need to because they're worried about losing the person. Shared hobbies are not important in the long run. Don't force the conversation. Talk about what you talk about, do things together, enjoy the time, find new and interesting things to share and talk about, read the same books, etc..", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbnr6", "comment_id": "dko4hoi"}, {"question": "Dealing with denial.", "description": "My mom's been struggling with addiction all her life. I learned about alcoholism at too young of an age, the first time she went to rehab. She was able to stay sober for about ten years until she relapsed. The whole family did a great job of denying the problem until she hit rock bottom. We had to go through the whole process all over again, but rehab got her back on her feet and she spent about the last 12 years drug and alcohol free. Within the last six months the \"symptoms\" have been re-appearing. Xanax. A doctor (who knows about her struggles) has prescribed them as a way to help her deal with panic attacks. She claims she needs it now to deal with the panic attacks. My father supports this claim because he says her panic attacks are probably due to undiagnosed hyperglycemia or a thyroid issue. Currently she's waiting for test results for those. The issue is, I don't believe either of them. To me it's obvious that she's panicking because she's realizing she has to start over. I sat down with them this weekend and told them that I don't deny there are panic attacks, but she's becoming dependent on the drugs and the cycle is starting all over again. They assured me that as soon as they can diagnose the problem that she'll be off the Xanax and things will be normal again. I can't blame my dad for his denial. He doesn't want to accept what he probably already knows - he doesn't want to go through it all again. Am I going doing the right thing by addressing the issue head on this time? What do I do now?", "answer": "I second the what is that doctor thinking comment. It would be better to get the test results back before giving an addict or alcoholic an abusable substance. Better yet there are non narcotic substances that this doctor ought to know about (buspar for example). Our doctor at my facility uses buspar on the clients here and it does work. Many doctors claim to understand addiction and don't which is tragic. \n\nThe problem here is that in cases such as this it is often impossible to tell someone what is coming. You did your part and said something. Now they need to hit a wall and discover the answer for themselves. Hang in there!\n\nThe real acid test is if the Xanax use will actually stop as they said. My gut says no.\n\nEdit: Also as the other user said withdrawal from benzodiazepines can cause seizures which makes his prescription of them to an addict even more amazing!", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "3qa470", "comment_id": "cwfgc70"}, {"question": "Running out of psych meds, can't get in touch with clinic", "description": "Age: 39\n\nSex: m\n\nHeight: 6'\n\nWeight: 220\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: na\n\nLocation: brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: psych\n\nCurrent medications: paliperidone(oral), mirtazapine, valium, prazosin, gabapentin, seroquel \n\n\n Don't know what to do. I had an appointment last week at the clinic canceled because the person I see was sick for refills. Have been trying to get in touch with them, no results. Pharmacy has faxed requests for refill, unanswered.\n\nI will be out of my paliperidone(12mg/day), gabapentin(1200/day), and mirtazapine(30mg/day) tomorrow evening. I still had a prescription for valium(30mg/day), prazosin(3mg/day) and seroquel left.\n\nIs there anything I can do if I don't get in touch with the clinic? Will my primary doctor be able to fill these? Should I ration the pills I have to last longer? Really at a loss especially with things closing down. I'm very afraid to stop the medicine that I do not have abruptly. Should I go to the hospital if I can't contact them?", "answer": "Your primary care doctor is allowed to refill these medications, but its up to him or her whether to do so. Documentation that these are supposed to be prescribed helps, but the pharmacy records can provide that.\n\nCall your PCP and ask tomorrow as well as calling your psychiatrist's clinic again. See if there is a message saying who is providing backup coverage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvy1t", "comment_id": "fkpkz9v"}, {"question": "Need some advice on how to get out of bed in the morning.", "description": "Hey all. So I'm at a low point in my life right now for a few reasons, not all of which are in my control. I've been pretty good this past month about getting on with things, but there's one thing that I can't really seem to shake. \n\nI find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning. I currently spend about 12 hours a day in bed on average. When I'm just awake and groggy, it just seems to be impossible to convince myself that getting up is going to improve my day in any way. I think it is really negatively affecting my life right now.\n\nAs background, I'm a grad student, and I don't really have any responsibilities in the mornings. I have tried many things, hiding my alarm, arranging to meet people at the gym, but so far nothing has worked. Even if I get out of bed, I inevitably meander back, generally the temptation to go back to a carefree dreamlike state is overwhelming.\n\nI understand that I need to work on fixing the underlying causes for why I don't enjoy being awake so much, and I am trying. But until I can, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forcing yourself out of bed.", "answer": "Have you gone into your mind and reset your mental alarm clock? What does your alarm clock look like? How is it reset? How does it wake you? When would you like it to wake you? Try it!", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "so05f", "comment_id": "c4ftcbx"}, {"question": "What grains do you eat? Need help gaining weight", "description": "I am on a low carb diet to reduce some of my symptoms. I notice that brown rice gives me hormonal cystic acne. I am only eating wild rice, buckwheat and quinoa. What grains do you all need? I want to gain weight but also not have my excess androgen symptoms act up.", "answer": "Millet is a good, hearty GF option. Buckwheat is my #1 as well. Maybe some root veg if you\u2019re thinking carbs but concerned about inflammation?", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ap4e3i", "comment_id": "eg7h3xf"}, {"question": "Dr. says I don't need surgery for hernia, second opinion?", "description": "As the title says I (35m) saw a dr recently who diagnosed me with a mild Inguinal hernia after complaining of pain in my lower abdomen for the past month. He told me that I didn't need surgery and to come back should it start feeling worse. He also didn't really give me any limitations in terms of lifting, pulling or pushing other than the standard listen to your body. I realize I'm being a bit paranoid but should I seek a second opinion? I don't know anyone whose had a hernia who didn't need to get surgery. I'm also a bit paranoid because I have a trip outside of the country coming up and it terrifies me to think of something suddenly happening to me in an international country. ", "answer": "It might depend on what type of [hernia](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hernia/Pages/Introduction.aspx) it is... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6mnedm", "comment_id": "dk2y93q"}, {"question": "Test results show high potassium and calcium and low neutrophils and urine creatinine. GP isn\u2019t worried, should I be?", "description": "Full test results here: https://m.imgur.com/a/279nE09\n\nI am an otherwise healthy 28 y/o white male, 6ft tall, 175lbs, only medication I take is Vyvanse 30mg per day for ADHD. This blood and urine test was just part of a regular checkup. \n\nI used to have pretty bad panic disorder and health anxiety but I\u2019ve been able to control my anxiety almost completely by practising mindfulness meditation. Even though my doctor assured me my test results are nothing to worry about, I feel myself starting to slip into my old thought patterns of worrying too much about my health, and I want to nip this in the bud. \n\nIf there are any health professionals here who can re-assure me I\u2019m fine, or let me know I should go for a second opinion I would greatly appreciate it, thank you! ", "answer": "You already got a good answer, but values 0.1 or 0.01, respectively, for K and Ca are insignificant. Being a tiny margin above or below the \"normal\" cutoff is almost always still normal. The cutoffs are arbitrarily set usually so that they'll flag things for doctors to look at that are still unconcerning rather than letting something slip that is a real problem.\n\nThe urine values just show very dilute urine. I'd guess that you fasted, had a lot of water before the testing, or both. It's not possible to conclude anything, but given that the rest of your labs are fine checking urine values isn't usually standard anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a260to", "comment_id": "eavmfvn"}, {"question": "Therapy", "description": "Does anyone incorporate therapy as part of their recovery? I\u2019m getting mixed messages at my AA group. I was in trauma therapy at my rehab and I plan to continue it. I truly believe if I don\u2019t heal from the past it\u2019s going to keep me sick. I have a history of sexual and verbal abuse I haven\u2019t worked through. My ex temporary sponsor tells me she addresses her alcoholism on a daily basis and that\u2019s all she needs to do. Also told me another girl did EDMR therapy and started drinking again. Fuck that. My past made me who I am today, I\u2019m a very frightened anxious person and I want to come out of my shell. Advice please.", "answer": "Whoever said EMDR made her drink again: nothing can MAKE you drink, but perhaps she wasn't communicating well with her therapist if things got out of hand. Therapists aren't clarvoyant, & if something is too much too fast, you have to tell them. It sounds more like she set herself up to fail.\n\nDo what works for YOU to keep you happy & healthy, & your group be damned. I'm biased, being a therapist myself, but I do agree with your sentiments. You get better by confronting your demons, & a therapist in individual sessions in conjunction with group will help you find yourself. Good luck!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "aov6m9", "comment_id": "eg4wiwj"}, {"question": "Survey about treatment: Take a 15-minute survey and be entered in a Raffle for one of four $25 gift cards (moderator approved research post)", "description": "Have you been in treatment for depression or anxiety in the past 5 years? Take a brief 15-minute survey for a chance to win one of four $25.00 gift cards. Help us advance the science of mental health! Follow the link below to reach the survey:\n\n[link to survey](https://umich.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_0Ncpu1IN9CmAhF3)\n\nParticipants must have received treatment including therapy or inpatient treatment in the past 5 years and be 18 years or older. Participants with a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other conditions featuring psychosis are not eligible.\n\nThank you for your time and consideration.", "answer": "This survey is horrible. I backed out after about twenty poorly worded and poorly constructed questions about some Center that doesn't apply. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5n79g0", "comment_id": "dc9swvg"}, {"question": "QT Prolongation and Anti-depressants", "description": "30 years old. I have a defib/pacemaker implant I got when I was 21 because it was discovered I have a super long Q-T interval. I'm in Oregon and I plan on going to a doctor but it takes forever to get seen so in the meantime I'm wanting to gather as much info as I can so I can tackle the most important stuff first when I finally get seen. \n \nI want/need to start anti depressants but I'm worried that they'll make my heart issues worse. I've seen some research studies on anti depressants causing QT prolongation and I'm wondering if there are some that don't. I've nearly run out of solutions and it seems that anti depressants are needed in conjunction with the other things i do to cope and recover, but I'm afraid it will only make things worse. Should I not be worried since I have a degib/pacemaker implant? Should I avoid anti depressants? \n Thanks for your help!", "answer": "That's an important discussion to have with the prescribing doctor.\n\nAll antidepressants are certainly not equal, and there are different long QT syndromes with different risk. (LQT1 seems to have higher risk of medication-induced tosades than LQT2) I would definitely avoid citalopram (Celexa) and probably escitalopram. Some, like fluoxetine (Prozac) and bupropion (Wellbutrin) have lower risk. In people without higher risk before taking medications the risk is essentially zero; I don't think it's well established in people like you.\n\nWith an implantable device your risk is lower because you have that as a fallback, but it's still a lot better not to rely on getting shocked in case of emergency. It's the kind of device you want to have and not need.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bxikus", "comment_id": "eq71i0b"}, {"question": "Is it wrongto internet stalk your therapist?", "description": "I saw a post with someone going into details about how they cyber stalked their therapist (nothing illegal) and got a very negative response, with someone saying that their therapist should discontinue, it was a breach in trust, and etc. this made me paranoid bc I did the exact same thing. I googled, facebooked, etc... mine for quite a while. Going pretty deep and managing to find quite a bit with little to work with. If she found out do you think she would be upset? Should I tell her?", "answer": "As a therapist we know that it's pretty likely that some clients we work with are going to attempt to find out as much about us online as possible, so most of us go to fairly great lengths to keep what we don't want seen off of the internet and keep our social media profiles private. Those of us that are less tech savvy and/or aware don't \n\n\nI'd say that it's pretty creepy either way when we find out that this happens to us but whether the therapist should or shouldn't discontinue therapy with you has a lot to do with your reasoning for doing this and whether or not you're willing to own up to it and discuss it with them. \n\n\nI can't tell you whether she'd be upset or not but I do think you should tell her. If your relationship with your therapist is crossing into a place of obsession or boundary crossing, it's better that it be put out on the table and discussed, as whether you like it or not, they may not be the best therapist to help you with whatever it is you're trying to get help with.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ep8v11", "comment_id": "fehwa7o"}, {"question": "Ekg test", "description": "Been doing tests for things that have surfaced in my family like type 2 and afib. 44 years old male pretty healthy \n\nDoes an ekg give a decent indication of whether you have afib? Test results say normal sinus rhythm so Dr said everything was good, but I didn't specifically ask about afib ", "answer": "Atrial fibrillation is, by definition, a rhythm that is neither normal nor sinus. At the time of the EKG there was no afib.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwuvs", "comment_id": "e0enxqv"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm seeing someone [22/m] who I really like but I can't stop worrying", "description": "Sorry for the vague title, but I'm wondering if anyone could weigh in here to help me feel at ease. I've started regularly seeing this guy who I'm really starting to fall for. There are tons of things about him that I like and its been a long time since I've felt this way for anyone. \n\nHere's what I feel good about:\n\n\n\n\n-He's more of a man than other guys I've dated, ie more mature\nHe wants me but doesn't NEED me\n\n\n-logical, so he balances me out \n\n\n-genuinely good person\n\n\n-smart\n\n\n-organized\n\n\n-respectful towards me and others\n\n\n-self aware\n\n\n-opinionated\n\n\n-levelheaded\n\n\n-practical\n\n\n-awesome sex\n\n\n-hot body\n\n\n-shares a lot of my values\n\n\n-not afraid to follow his gut\n\n\n-takes calculated risks\n\n\n-takes the lead\n\n\n-I can be myself around him\n\n\n-caring\n\n\n-depth and passion under the surface\n\n\n\n\n\nThings I'm worried about:\n\n\n-conversation might run dry\n\n\n-overlapping but somewhat different senses of humor \n\n\n\n\n\nI am sexy and he loves my art and music, so I'm not worried that he's not attracted to me. Right now he's very into me. I'm just convinced deep down that we'll run out of things to say to each other and he'll get bored of me. Also, I'm by no means a push over, but I am extremely easy going. Its not because I have no back bone, but because I can easily see different sides of things. I'm scared he'll want someone sassier and feistier than me and that I won't be enough of a \"challenge\" to keep his interest. This is the first guy who's come along who I've felt this insecure about (besides high school infatuations a long time ago).\n\nAm I being pathetic? How do I stop worrying? is the sense of humor thing a problem? Also, we talk a lot in person but he doesn't really text me. Does that mean something? I feel insane right now, its kind of out of character for me to feel like this.", "answer": "First of all, I have assumed that the two of you have defined what this relationship is. I'll go further and assume that you are defining it as a serious committed monogamous relationship. I'm not sure why you think the conversation might run dry. There's always something to talk about especially for people in love. And you sound like a pretty together person so I somehow don't think that conversation is going to run dry anytime soon. I wouldn't worry about different senses of humor because in the big picture that's not a super important kind of thing that every couple has to share exactly. I think you're just anxious because you really like this guy, perhaps more than anyone you've ever met, so when that happens we're more afraid of losing the person, thus we worry more. I would just try to relax with it and enjoy it and just be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, don't worry about sassy or feisty or anything like that. People either love us for for us or they don't. We have no control over that because because all we can do is be ourselves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qe5cl", "comment_id": "dcyk6c7"}, {"question": "Waited 3 months to get referred for DBT since my overdose/diagnosis, just been to the GP for an emergency appointment and to check my referral has gone through - I've been referred... for guided self help.", "description": "I want to give up. Been given citalopram to try and help short term but I'm terrified of meds after sertraline made me hallucinate. \n\nFeel fucking hopeless. \n\nI've had guided self help before I was diagnosed with BPD and it was awful. The woman called me promiscuous and said I wasn't trying to help myself so it wouldn't work for me. ", "answer": "He/she should NOT have put you on another SSRI. Make sure to monitor your mood carefully for signs of repeat episodes.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7nm1di", "comment_id": "ds3t8uk"}, {"question": "Am I too sensitive?", "description": "Alright, my best friend of 9 years just says things to me that makes me feel dumb. I\u2019m not saying that I can\u2019t be picked on I love roasting my friends and they can roast me too. But i don\u2019t know, this past weekend just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. To sum it up, I was singing a song to my SO and my SO thought I made it up. I didn\u2019t make it up, but my friend said \u201chahah how talented do you think she is?!\u201d There\u2019s been other scenarios similar to this one. Am I just being too sensitive? Or is that kind of fucked up to say to someone?... also background to this specific friend, they are extremely sensitive... I myself, would never say that to them. ", "answer": "That\u2019s fucked up to say. I would talk to them about it and let them know you would never talk to them in that manner because you respect them too much and you deserve that same level of respect! Wow. I\u2019d be really hurt too.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ale6s1", "comment_id": "efd9jv7"}, {"question": "How do I (F/22) handle moving past the honeymoon phase with significant other (M/23)?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He is wonderful and i love him dearly. I have noticed small changes in our relationship, such as not texting/calling as much as usual, or not having special moments as once before. He told me we were past the honeymoon phase of our relationship when all of these things are more prominent and there is no need to worry- that we are just growing and settling as a couple. \n\nThis is my first relationship and I'm not quite sure how to accept the fact that there is actually such thing as \"a honeymoon phase\"- that all of these changes are normal. Could anyone share any experiences or thoughts?\n\nAny advice would be very appreciated ", "answer": "Think of anything new, like a beautiful blouse, that you were absolutely crazy about when you bought it. Remember that feeling the first half a dozen times you wore it? How did you feel about it when it was 6 months old and you had worn it 50 times?\nNothing is exciting like NEW. The challenge of a lifetime together, is keeping the spirit and the core of your love intact, when a zillion other things are demanding your attention. My folks were romantically, sexually enthralled with each other for 70 years. But did my Dad write her love letters for seven decades like the ones he wrote the summer he met her? No.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s3yes", "comment_id": "ddc7k2s"}, {"question": "Gift ideas! Creativity rewards double XP.", "description": "My girlfriend [16F] is mature and amazing beyond her years, so don't let the number fool you. She's a painter and multi-media artist, a guitarist and singer/songwriter, a school and club soccer player, a motorcyclist, a strawberry genetics research intern at the USDA, and a bioengineering hopeful. Not to mention the sweetest and most thoughtful person I've ever known. She's worth the world to me, but unfortunately I don't have that kind of cash, so I'm trying to buy her something creative but inexpensive. We live in the PNW and I'd like to have something for her by this time next week.", "answer": "make her a macaroni card. Or a flip book of your favorite times and dates together. Your most memorable memories.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1fetlp", "comment_id": "ca9jyd4"}, {"question": "Don't know where to start, too many issues and zero help", "description": "Hi! I've been seeing DBT exercises only but I'm really confused. I cannot find websites in my own language and it's been a long ride trying to express myself in a language that isn't mine. I've also been a couple of years without '' awareness / realization '' and it make it very difficult to take actions for what I'm experiencing. I have anger issues mainly and it's the reason I want to do DBT to heal! I don't have support from my family, I have no friends & I cannot have a therapist / counsellor because I have no money and live far away from everything literally. I feel lost and numb. I need support ! Thank you. Merci beaucoup si y'a des Fran\u00e7ais qui ont lu cela h\u00e9siter pas \u00e0 venir en PV", "answer": " \nLa chose la plus proche que j'ai pu trouver est la suivante, mais je pense qu'ils sont destin\u00e9s aux praticiens, pas aux patients. Je ne connais pas assez le fran\u00e7ais pour savoir s'ils ont ce que vous cherchez. Je crois que celui de 2000 correspond davantage \u00e0 ce que vous recherchez.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2000). Traitement Cognitivo-Comportemental du Trouble de Personnalit\u00e9 \u00c9tat-Limite. Gen\u00e8ve: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2017). Manuel d\u2019Entra\u00eenement aux Comp\u00e9tences TCD, 2e \u00c9dition. Traduction de Paco Prada, Rosetta\u00a0 Nicastro, Nader Perroud, Gen\u00e8ve\u00a0: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nBien qu'il ne soit pas sp\u00e9cifique \u00e0 DBT, ce site Web contient des ressources que vous pourriez trouver utiles.[https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm](https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nVeuillez pardonner ma traduction Google: ne parle pas Fran\u00e7ais.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "h09qm0", "comment_id": "ftl5qfg"}, {"question": "I have no real friends. Someone made any, after having none and as a grown up?", "description": "Feeling like 30yr is too late.\n\nThe thing is - I have friends. I will be invited to several massive hangouts. \nEvery single person I know has better stuff to do, people to meet with and etc. it's only by coincidence I get invited, after someone cancels. \n\nPeople will cancel scheduled hangouts with me, being set by me mostly and I can't find a single person to be with me, just for having fun.\n\nNothing else is going right. all I have in my life is money. no SO, just a couple thousand dollars. \nI have one dear friend, the first person to ever meet with me - but her budget and time are limited - and like anyone else in the world, I guess she would prefer other people for special occasions \n(for example - I have a lot of \"invitations for two\" but no one to go with, and I'm sure no one else will think of me as his number two). \n\n\ntl;dr How do I become the person people wants to hangout with and not just turn him over for the next girl in sight?\n\n\nEDIT:\n\nThank you.\nI WILL TRY TO CHANGE MY LIFE.\n\nBETTER IS COMING.", "answer": "I would recommend the [Start](http://www.amazon.com/Start-Escape-Average-Matters-ebook/dp/B00CHVIVMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370022347&sr=8-1&keywords=start) book. It's focus is more on starting to do work that matters to you, but honestly it's helpful for any kind of significant life change. It has some really useful advice for getting started on changing your life for the better, and it talks a lot about the fear of \"Now is too late\" (hint: it's never too late!)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1fepic", "comment_id": "ca9lksp"}, {"question": "Faking a mental illness", "description": "Is it possible to make yourself believe you have a mental illness and act on it? I guess you cant actually get a disorder just by your will but can someone unintentionally make themself believe they do have it? And act on it?\n Sorry if its dumb", "answer": "This isn't a dumb question at all. It happens quite frequently. We are pretty good at picking up on people who feign mental illness, and we have a number of measures that support our clinical judgment.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egunmb", "comment_id": "fcal765"}, {"question": "Risk of getting salmonella from a very small amount of raw chicken?", "description": "I just ate a very small bit of raw chicken about 30 mins ago. It was from a small packet of chicken feet from China, so the size was only about as large as the meat from one of its tiny fingers. We didnt know it had to be boiled.\n\n What are the chances of getting salmonella?", "answer": "No idea, but if you're fine after a couple of days then you've probably got away with it.\n\n[Salmonella poisoning](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/salmonella-infection/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2jea", "comment_id": "diexk0m"}, {"question": "What happens if I admit to my doctor that I'm suicidal?", "description": "I've been depressed for the past two years, this past year its advanced from depression to being suicidal. I haven't told anyone about this and kept it pretty well hidden though my grades and life in general is starting to slip. I'm considering telling my family doctor about it but I have some concerns. For one, my parents can never find out. I also can't go to a psych because I wouldn't be able to keep that away from my parents and because of the cost. And finally, I'm concerned about what would happen if I admitted to him that I often think about killing myself and have a plan to go through with it? Would he be required to call the police or whatever? \n\nI just want to get some anti depressants to see if that would help. ", "answer": "1) How old are you? If you are over 18, then you have nothing to worry about, the doctor cannot say anything to anyone unless you agree. If not, then you don't really have a choice in the matter in a lot of cases. But, you're parents can be a great support, and I would highly recommend bringing them into your situation. Obviously, I don't know much about your situation, so this might not be true. \n \n2) Yes, doctors are mandated reporters. If you tell him you are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, and he thinks there is immediate danger, he is required to report it through the proper means. But, that does not mean you will be put in a psych hospital. The best thing would be to go and be honest, and try your best to feel better through the means you have and can get. A voluntary visit to the psych hospital will be much better than the one you are forced to go to, and you'll hopefully get help either way. \n \nAt this point it is about you and your health. If anyone thinks less of you because you need and are trying to get help, they are wrong. Please be safe, please do not go through with your plans. If you think that is possible, please call emergency services or a suicide hotline instead. I don't know what has brought you to this point, but someone's life would be less without you in it, and if nothing else, that's something to live for. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xluzi", "comment_id": "cfci65j"}, {"question": "Recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts", "description": "Hello!\n\nDo you have any recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts made by an actual professional in the field?\n\nIf it matters, this is for someone who is planning to get married for the first time.\n\nThank you so much!", "answer": "Not sure if they have podcasts.....but there\u2019s videos and info available from both of these: Gottman institute and Sue Johnson (Emotionally focused Couples Therapy). I love both of these and they have some similarities.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehtwkg", "comment_id": "fcmfybz"}, {"question": "I realized something horrible about my depression and now I'm terrified", "description": "Having depression ruins our general interactions with people. I believe we all know this. However, I also realized I might never be able to be a parent because I would be so unfit as a person with depression. In addition, we are constantly told \"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else\". I might never end up with anyone. So I will literally most likely end up alone and childless if my depression never improves or goes away. I'm terrified now. ", "answer": "Do what you can to come back into the moment. Realize you are responding with fear to ideas which are not real in front of you, at best possibilities which may not come true. Breath slowly and deeply to relax and ground yourself. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2qf8b0", "comment_id": "cn5njs1"}, {"question": "[16F] I have a really weird reaction to graphic medical equipment and would like advice", "description": "Occasionally when I'm in situations where I'm exposed to graphic medical equipment or gore (It's happened when I needed to get several vaccinations at once, when watching a documentary about abortion and one about FGM), I have a really strange experience. I feel really sick and hot and my vision goes almost pixelated with lots of black dots. I feel very physically weak like I might faint and can barely move my hands. My hearing is like I'm underwater and I barely feel present. It lasts about 15 minutes, and afterwards, I feel very drained. I was just wondering what it was and how I might cope with it (usually the triggers are unavoidable). My friend said it was similar to the way she felt when she had a sort of low blood sugar episode.", "answer": "Blood/injection vasovagal syncope is common. SqueeIng large muscle, like tensing your legs, can counteract the drop in blood pressure that leaves you feeling woozy and bad. Deliberate exposure can make the effect wear off, but you can decide whether the problem is frequent enough to need treatment. If you do choose it, CBT/exposure therapy is the way to go.\n\nVasovagal syncope isn\u2019t itself risky or harmful, just uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dvfh27", "comment_id": "f7ce1ww"}, {"question": "Taking more than perscribed Bupropion", "description": "My daily dosage is 250mg, but in hopes of feeling better from my worsening depression I took 300mg yesterday and 450mg today. What side effect could I see? Is the dose too high?", "answer": "Don't take more than 450. I did once on accident and ended up needing to take an ambulance to the ER and stay overnight in the hospital. It was horrible, terrfiying, and really fking expensive. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dn3rs", "comment_id": "di4aa49"}, {"question": "Antipsychotics?", "description": "Is anyone else on antipsychotics for BPD and depression? They\u2019re about to put me on abilify.", "answer": "That's more like an atypical antipsychotic/ mood stabilizer. It's not like a true antipsychotic. I've seen more than a few people get helped tremendously by it and others hate it or, even worse, love it but can't handle the side effects. \n\nIMO it's better than Geodon or Seroquel in many aspects. I still wouldn't like having to use it unless I was having some serious problems with emotions or reactive behavior.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ex8gk4", "comment_id": "fg6x6j4"}, {"question": "Does my case of social anxiety/insecurity warrant therapy? Or am I just making excuses?", "description": "EDIT on Title - What i mean by 'excuses' is just does my situation sound like one where therapy is the right choice? or do I need to just break habits on my own - because social anxiety and insecurity are pretty common. Not sure how anyone can answer that, but felt like putting my feelings out there on this. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'll try to keep this brief, as this is likely a common and/or low-value post to the sub. **I'm wondering if - given my story below - you'd think therapy is worth my time/money, and what kind I should look for. I know nothing about therapy haha.**\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm a 29 y/o man, and I often feel very troubled/down due to social anxiety and insecurity. I find it extremely hard to take risks/commit - and it feels like I'm just too scared to live life. I think it's driven by my fear of judgement/embarrassment, and it's something I've never been able to overcome.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI have a very loving/supporting family and a good career; but at age 29 I've essentially never dated or felt comfortable meeting new people. I have a decent social life, but it's primarily all of the same friends I've had since high school/college - and I'm not *really* close with anyone of them. I feel like my friend group is what it is because it's been the most convenient.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm realizing more and more that despite all the things I have going for me, I'm unhappy. Unhappy because I feel inferior, and I've never been able to overcome these fears of mine. The fact that I've never dated as a man in his late 20s is really starting to weigh on me.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Conclusion:** I'm thinking about trying therapy because maybe it'll help me understand why I have these fears, and that may help me overcome them. But I also know social anxiety and insecurity are common things - and seeking therapy may be another excuse im telling myself to procrastinate or avoid getting better on my own.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks for reading, any comments/experiences/pieces of advice are appreciated. God bless.", "answer": "Therapy can not only help you understand the underlying reason *why* but can also challenge you to take small risks with support and \u201ctools\u201d so you can widen your comfort zone. Look for a CBT or DBT practitioner.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5z2tc", "comment_id": "es5b5pm"}, {"question": "Permanent acid trip?", "description": "18/m/no medical issue or medications. Im having visual issues. When I look at patterned flooring, like tile or carpets, they vibrate out of my fov. Like anything im not focusing on vibrates and darts around. I also see faded lines and stripes on things like the drapes and ceiling. Also tiny black dots, kind of like really little bugs that last for maybe a millisecond. I've never done any drugs.", "answer": "This isnt abnormal. Unusual visual experiences in your peripheral vision isn't a sign of mental instability. The eye isnt as good at perceiving visual stimuli on the edges.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53aa1d", "comment_id": "d7rm0hb"}, {"question": "Help please! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?", "description": "Help! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?\n\nMy husband was admitted involuntarily 3 days ago in a NSW hospital due to bipolar manic episode. I've attempted to see him twice yesterday, both times they wouldn't let me in because \"the ward was unstable. \" they said it was HIM disrupting and being violent. He wasn't violent before he went in. When I asked the nurse if this is a reaction to new meds, she said NO and practically kicked me out of the centre. On the phone he told me they've slammed his head on the floor etc. Now I feel like he's being abused in there, they refuse to let me see him, I feel like they're hiding something. Wtf do I do??\n", "answer": "While I've never been to Australia, I used to be a therapist at a psych hospital. Mania is really unpredictable, which is why it is dangerous (especially for the manic person). I've seen normally docile people become very aggressive when manic.\n\nIn the USA at least, the hospital can't share details with you unless the patient explicitly agrees to it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2flbz1", "comment_id": "ckabv6j"}, {"question": "PhD thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today", "description": "Hi everyone! I am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking.\n\nFirst of all, my PhD defense is next Wednesday (in six days). It was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity I'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our University. In addition, I have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. \n\nAnyway, for the last two weeks I have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. I occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. I have been definitely anal about NOT getting sick the last week - I'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because I absolutely could NOT get sick for my defense. Especially considering I just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago!\n\nHowever, today I woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. Am I totally screwed? Do I need to plan alternative actions? \n\nIs it possible that I'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next Wednesday, or that I can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense?\n\nTLDR: PhD defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. What do I do?!", "answer": "I wonder if you could ask about doing your defense remotely - like by Skype or Zoom? Lots of places are compromising and accepting teleconferencing for normally in person activities.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhisby", "comment_id": "fkbjhc1"}, {"question": "Professional Needed for Interview", "description": "Hello all! \n\nI apologize if this is against the rules\nI am a Junior undergraduate studying clinical psychology and social work at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I am currently enrolled in a Theories of Psychotherapy class, and am asking for some assistance. One of our assignments is to interview a professional in this field about their method of practice, how they run their practice, why they chose that particular model, things like that. If anyone would be willing to do a quick interview that would be great! We could either video chat or message, whatever is easiest/most comfortable. If you would be willing to help me out, please PM me. Thank you again!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of people willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmwn73", "comment_id": "fl90hdu"}, {"question": "Accepting my (23/f) boyfriend's (23/m) flaws???", "description": "Hello! \nI'll preface all of this by saying that I do have generalized anxiety disorder, and am VERY prone to overthinking/overanalyzing things and how people respond to me and others. I notice every facial expression, body language, everything! I'm very self-conscious about my own personality and often question whether people actually like me. I get annoyed with people easily and I'm quick to notice their negatives. I am in therapy and have been working on this for as long as I can remember.\n\nAnyway, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he's my best friend. He's incredibly thoughtful, responsible, hardworking, caring, handsome, and sexy. However, I've been noticing some things lately. First off, I'm 5'5 and he's 5'7 so we're pretty much the same height. Obviously if I had a huge issue with this I never would've started dating him in the first place. But I do worry about what OTHER people think of him. His friends give him crap all the time about being \"short\", plus I hear jokes about other \"short\" guys and it makes me really self-conscious about it what people think when they see us together. He's also confident in himself and will share stories about his experiences if their related to the conversation. I often worry that people think he's \"bragging\" or something like that, but again I'm also very self conscious about sharing my own experiences because I don't want to be that person either, so maybe it's my own insecurities coming out. He grew up really poor and never had the money to get his teeth fixed/cleaned regularly, so I'm also worried that people judge him for that too.\n\nI feel so terrible admitting all of that because he treats me SO well and accepts all of my flaws and imperfections, and encourages me to be myself and even prefers me without makeup in sweats with my hair up. \n\nHelp :/ \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "You're overthinking. Successful relationships are all about loving someone enough that you accept the whole package. If you have a loving relationship and good health, NOTHING else matters until babies come along", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzxz6", "comment_id": "dloxolp"}, {"question": "Online therapy", "description": "My beautiful Mon died in the overnight hours and I am unable to function under the weight of my grief. Is there any reliable online therapy available?", "answer": "Where are you located? In the US, most therapists are offering teletherapy right now. Therapeer is also a great app you can download for peer support.\n\nI\u2019m so sorry for your loss.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h7lj1k", "comment_id": "fulwnfc"}, {"question": "How to effectively take a mental health day?", "description": "I\u2019ve been feeling really stressed with school and personal life stuff recently. I\u2019m Seriously considering taking a mental health day from school, how can I make the most of it? Right now I just want a stress free day so I can play videos or read or do whatever with no stress but I don\u2019t Know it that would be the most effective way to do it. Any advice would be great, thanks!", "answer": "Most important thing is to not sleep in. Wake up at the same early time you would for school/work if not earlier so you can make the most of your day. If that's a hard sell, force yourself, get coffee. \n\n\nDo things that you need to do to get caught up so you're no longer feeling behind if that's something that's been stressing you and take time to have fun. Leave your house/apartment and go do something that's out of the ordinary for you. Getting stuck in a routine is something most of us fall into from time to time and it can really add to stress over time. Rather than doing more of what you usually might do (tv, video games, whatever), go do something completely different (take a short walk somewhere in nature or at a park, check out a nearby town you've never been to and grab lunch, spend the day learning a new skill, whatever it is so long as it's different than what you normally do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "be0cgk", "comment_id": "el3kj5g"}, {"question": "I took some medicines and it makes me feel like an airhead all day. Can you help to tell me which one?", "description": "Yesterday I visited a doctor about my left shoulder pain. He said I have tense muscle on both sides of my shoulders. After the first day on medication, my shoulder pain is almost gone but I'm curious which medicines make me unable to focus (even trying to make proper phases for reddit post is really difficult) and sleep all day long. When will I feel like my normal self again after medication? It's not like I feeling terrible. I just can't think properly.\n\nHere are the medicines.\n1.Omeprazole 20 mg.\n2.Tolperisone 50 mg.\n3.Mobic 7.5 mg\n4.Baclofen 10 mg.\n\nI'm not an English speaker. I may make some grammar mistake (even more while I'm on medication).\n\nThank you very much.\n", "answer": "Most likely the baclofen, which is a CNS depressant (makes your brain less active) and fairly commonly makes people feel fatigued and sometimes sedated. You're on 3 different muscle relaxants and unless there's definite need for it you could discuss with your doctor decreasing or stopping the baclofen. It isn't something that should be stopped suddenly if you've been taking it for a long time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "906zqq", "comment_id": "e2o7ild"}, {"question": "How do I motivate myself to keep losing weight?", "description": "I started at about 305 in February and I\u2019m at about 230 right now. I was doing okay but I really haven\u2019t lost any weight since the beginning of November, this is mainly due to me losing a lot of the motivation to keep losing weight. I always told myself that I\u2019d be attractive once I lost weight but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be true anymore, I just feel so disappointed and defeated that it\u2019s hard to convince myself to go to the gym or be super strict about counting my calories. \n\nI haven\u2019t gained any weight because I really don\u2019t want to go back to being that big but it just feels so pointless to keep trying when I\u2019m not going to be attractive when I\u2019m skinnier anyways. I don\u2019t know how to convince myself to lose the weight because it would be nice to be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, but I just can\u2019t find a reason to keep doing it. \n\nIll appreciate any advice you can Throw my way", "answer": "Check out r/loseit , they have a great community over there and I'm 100% sure you will find some people there who have been in similar situations.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8f3yv", "comment_id": "fabldwi"}, {"question": "Give me a reason not to drink today", "description": "Thank you all I didn't drink.", "answer": "Turn that question on yourself.\n\nI could give you 100 reasons not to drink, but ultimately none of them matter if you're reliant upon other people to maintain your sobriety (or to begin it; I don't know your situation). Odds are you know what will happen if you choose to go get drunk: what it will feel like before, during and after, the patterns that will begin and/or continue, etc. No one else can provide you with a reason as compelling as your own desire to improve the quality of your mental, physical and spritual health. If you're set on drinking, you're going to drink, and it won't matter what an anonymous internet stranger tells you.\n\nSo, again, turn that question on yourself. If you're being honest with yourself I bet you'll find plenty of reasons not to drink. You can find all the support in the world, people who will go to hell and back with you if you were serious about getting sober. But nobody can make the decision or do the work for you.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "224d9l", "comment_id": "cgj7tc3"}, {"question": "Sober for 7 years with a best friend in and out of recovery. NEED ADVICE", "description": "I\u2019m going to try and keep this as direct and to the point as possible but we have an immense amount of back history that pertains to this situation, so it will be difficult.\nBest friend since middle school. We both liked to party as teens and young adults and by our mid 20\u2019s we both became addicted to heroin. I had a short run, around 18 months. My friend has been going on and off for 9 years. Lost both her kids, brother overdosed and died last February. Father died unexpectedly in 2009, mother is an alcoholic. The girls been through it.\nWhen I did a stint back in 2013 and got paroled to a sober house about an hour away from my hometown I decided it was best to start over in a new area because \u201cpeople, places and things\u201d definitely hindered my sobriety. \nJump to 2018, my friend is struggling HARD. She is now suicidal and tells me she just wants to buy a bundle and end it all. That\u2019s when I jump in full force to \u201csave her\u201d \nWithin 48 hours she has moved in with me. We set the rules and make a plan for her recovery. You guys need to know that leading up to this she had already been to multiple rehabs. \nHer moving in with me was a last resort. \n\nSo, she moves in. She finally has a safe, warm and clean place to stay, with food in the fridge and anything she may need at her fingertips. We (husband and I) lay out our expectations; meetings, drug tests, contributions to the household (accountability) \nI helped her get a job right away and we agreed that I would monitor her income and store her money in a safe we had in the house and would essentially make sure she wasn\u2019t buying dope with her paycheck. All was well, she lived with us for 3 months. Once we all felt comfortable with her progress we found her a nice one bedroom apartment and at that point she had saved enough for the security deposit, first months rent and still had a sizable amount of money as a cushion. So we go and open up a bank account for her and within days she relapses. Fortunately, it was a quick relapse and she got back on track. It\u2019s been about 2 years now and since she\u2019s been in such close proximity to me I get to see her often and know when she\u2019s using and when she\u2019s not using. We have a very open relationship and she has always been honest with me (when I confront her) (stinger)\nI know there has been multiple relapses but she always owns it and gets back on track....\nToday was different. And this is where I need some help. I stopped by her apartment like I do all the time and her boyfriend (who has been in and out of her life for 4 years) walks outside and has marks on his arms and hands that were very clearly injection sites. \nMy friend is smart and was wearing long sleeves, cause I would have freaked out if I saw that on her and she knows I\u2019d call her out. \nSo friend walks to the front of the house to spray for ants (the reason I came over, to bring her some spray) and I ask her boyfriend about the marks on his arms (very nonchalant) like, \u201cdude, what happened to your arm?\u201d He then quickly says he had blood dawn and changes the subject. THESE WERE NOT MARKS LEFT BY GETTING BLOOD DRAWN. \nAs I continued our conversation I made a point of Discreetly checking out the rest of his body. His hands had the same marks. I know all about injection sites and I knew right away with the location of his marks and how they looked that there was no doubt in my mind he was using. I can only assume that my friend is also using.\nI\u2019m at a point where I feel I\u2019ve done everything I can do to help her in her recovery and to help her stay on track. \nIt pains me to know that no matter what I say or do she is going to continue to make her own choices and essentially continue to dig her own grave. I\u2019m beside myself. I don\u2019t have \u201cgirlfriends\u201d \nI grew up a tomboy and she really is my only true friend. \nI don\u2019t know how to interject at this point. \nI feel like I\u2019ve done everything I can possibly do to help her. It\u2019s so out of my hands. \nI reached out through text, essentially saying \u201cyeah, I know what\u2019s going on but I love you regardless\u201d \nBut, the big question is, how do I continue our relationship in a healthy way for us both? \nI wish I was in a position to put everything in my life on hold to make sure she doesn\u2019t relapse again but that isn\u2019t a reality. She\u2019s a big girl and I feel that at this point no matter what I say or do, she is going to do whatever she wants regardless of the support she has and the consequences that lie in her continuing to use. \nI don\u2019t know how to continue our relationship. Do I distance myself? Do I express myself honestly and in turn hurt our relationship? Do I allow the distance and spend who knows how long wondering how she\u2019s doing? \nI feel like I need to be easy with all this because I\u2019m so afraid she will shut me out and I won\u2019t know when she\u2019s struggling and she won\u2019t be comfortable reaching out to me. It\u2019s such a delicate situation. I\u2019m really at a crossroads. Any insight or advice would be great appreciated. Such a rant, thank you to all that made it this far.", "answer": "I would really encourage you to look into Al-Anon. If you Google \"detaching with love\" you will find an Al-Anon pamphlet that I think may speak to you. Just like there's no way to tell a person how exactly they should do their recovery from addiction, there's no way for any of us here to give you the exact perfect answer to the questions you posted. For example, \"should I be honest and hurt our relationship?\" ... Well, I don't know, is being dishonest protecting the relationship at the expense of hurting *you*? Is there a way to be honest that isn't hurtful? Is the point of life to always avoid being hurt at all costs? Only you can ultimately answer those and many more questions that I imagine are coming up about this relationship. I don't know what your direction should be, but I do believe in your ability to find it, and I encourage you to find support that will help you focus on *you*, and not just on your friend.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "gmf428", "comment_id": "fr3o09w"}, {"question": "Tips on Making proper eye contact?", "description": "Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this question, but I have trouble making eye contact with people. Where am I supposed to be looking exactly? Or HOW am I supposed to be looking? I have a tendency to just look at 1 eye, which isn't correct obviously.", "answer": "I wrote a quick [guide to eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) that might help you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "45n5bz", "comment_id": "czzbcxb"}, {"question": "I'm going to end it.", "description": "I think that I've finally come to a decision, it's too much, all this bullshit life has given me is hurt and despair, and I've done nothing to deserve it. It seems as though I am a mistake I've never had happiness, so I'm going to kill myself.", "answer": "Hey dude. I hope you dont! Its like 3 am here but if you need someone to talk to PM me", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "76anl4", "comment_id": "dock9zk"}, {"question": "I never thought I could see myself as anything but undesirable.", "description": "My whole life I have hated myself. Not just my body, but myself as a person. I was \"fat, ugly, unintelligent, unpopular, etc.\". Anything I could use as ammo against myself, you bet I was on it. I fed my body til I ballooned in weight, I replaced food with drugs and alcohol til I lost it, then I gained it back again. I took lighters and razors til my body til it was covered in scars, I tried to kill myself twice. I felt like scum, subhuman, and because that was the image I portrayed I attracted people who would only further that idea more. The thing that sticks out the most is being 16, and at what was just about my heaviest weight. I was dating a boy that I thought I was 100% in love with. Looking back now I see what a shitty person he was but at the time I took every awful thing he said to me to heart. He slept with another woman, a girl with a body that I would consider to be perfect..he had no reasons for me other than \" I wanted to see what it was like to be with a girl that was that hot.\" I stayed with him for another year. Why? Because I felt like I DESERVED what he did to me. And why not? I was \"fat and ugly\" after all. \nMy journey to healthy self image started with everything but my body, first I realized that I was pretty funny, then I figured mayyybe I was kind of smart. Its slow going but I'm seeing myself as a person for the first time. A woman with scars and stretch marks, big tits, big hips, and a soft ass. I'm not perfect, but I've got parts of me that are pretty damn good.\n\nhttp://m.imgur.com/a/BiNIP", "answer": "It's so true that we come to like ourselves by realizing our insides are pretty awesome. Once we get past that point, suddenly our bodies become pretty cool too.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "2498zh", "comment_id": "ch51djs"}, {"question": "Xanax withdrawal - hits like a freight train", "description": "Just want/need to talk to anyone who has gone through it, the symptoms I'm having are super weird and I'm not sure what's going on.", "answer": "Check YouTube. It can be really scary. Pain, nausea, depersonalization, fatigue, memory shit, loss of emotion, temp blindness, rash, constipation, diarrhea, the yips. YouTube benzo withdrawal and remember they aren't you. Get a Dr that knows what they are doing with it. Good luck and don't go back on them to get away from it because you've made it this far. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "643re8", "comment_id": "dfzck7y"}, {"question": "I'm a teenage girl with a great life and I want to kill myself.", "description": "I have a wonderful life. My family is exceptionally amazing and my friends are all really genuine and supportive. I've had self diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders since I was really young, but those aren't the core reasons in me being suicidal. I honestly don't have any reasons.\n\nBasically the only reason I hate living is because I want to die. I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense, I'm just trying to type what I feel. If this receives any comments, they'll all be about how life is \"worth it\" because of the \"moonlit beaches\" and \"beautiful nature\" and whatever other motivational cliches you can think of. But the thing is that I'm aware that spending an evening on a moonlit beach with someone I love is supposed to make me happy, the problem is, it doesn't. And I can't figure out why. And I'm scared.", "answer": "Please look at [the post I just wrote](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/csrba/just_so_you_know_that_theres_a_good_chance_that/). Like you, I was a teenage girl with a great life (supportive family, caring friends, good grades, promising future) and was still depressed and suicidal. Now I'm neither depressed nor suicidal, and I'm grateful every day that I didn't kill myself a few years ago when it seemed like the only option.\nYou say your OCD and anxiety are self-diagnosed -- have you told anyone about your problems? It was painful and difficult for me to do that, but it's necessary. Please seek help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "crg9x", "comment_id": "c0uyn73"}, {"question": "Why do I hold my breath when I cry?", "description": "Female, 28, Caucasian, non smoker, non drinker, 112lbs and 5ft5\n\nWhenever I am very upset I find I have been holding my breath and suddenly will take a gasp of air. \n\nIt\u2019s happened in front of other people too in which they\u2019ve told me to breath and rubbed my back. \n\nI don\u2019t realise it\u2019s happening initially and then a minute or so later I realise and breathe.\n\nWhat might cause this reaction? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "It is common in children, but less so in adults, to hold their breath when in distress. From your story I conclude this has always been the same for you when you cry since childhood? It may be a reflex that in development usually fades, called 'breath holding spell'. I don't think any testing or imaging will reveal why you do this, it's just the way it is for you.\n\nHere is a link to a description of breath holding spells in children:\n\n [http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php](http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php) \n\nDo you ever faint when holding your breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b7q4yr", "comment_id": "ejtxr2t"}, {"question": "I can no longer afford to see a counselor for my depression", "description": "Last year my insurance was fantastic. I could go to any counselor in my network and I had zero copay. It was great. \n\nI just got a new job this year which I'm happy about but my insurance is terrible. They won't pay for any of my counseling sessions until I pay a $1500 deductible first. After that, they will only pay 50% of the counselor's fee. Seeing a counselor now would cost me $500 a month. That's more than my car payment. I just can't afford to see a therapist anymore. \n\nIs anybody else in the same boat? Any advice? \n\nThanks", "answer": "I am a therapist and sadly had the exact same thing happen to me. 2 options that I would recommend, first look around and see if you can find a therapist willing to work with you on a sliding scale. Usually small private practices will take your income into account and offer to see you for a certain amount of sessions at a lower rate before slowly increasing up to their usual rate. These therapists and/or agencies can be difficult to find but they're out there.\n\nAnother option is seeking out group therapy for depression. Group therapy is often used by people in your situation because it's generally much more affordable than individual therapy sessions. Some people even find it more helpful. \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7yrnpt", "comment_id": "duio8oc"}, {"question": "Not sure if this is ok but really wanting advice", "description": "I\u2019m the wife of an alcoholic. We are currently going through what was a separation and now has turned into a divorce. I\u2019ve cried my eyes out. Begging him to get sober... and begging him to understand how I feel but it seems like he\u2019s just cold now. I\u2019m in shock. Like total shock. I don\u2019t know how to get through this. I\u2019m in Alanon and active on the Alanon Reddit. I\u2019m also in therapy. But If anyone who is on the other end and has sobriety under their belt has time to message. I think hearing the other perspective will help me. Right now I just feel discarded and thrown away by a man I gave my everything to ... who I thought was my best friend. Just so sad. Thanks for listening", "answer": "Step 1 - admitted that we are powerless over alcohol in all its forms. We're also powerless over other people, their actions and decisions. Speaking as a \"double winner\" as well, I feel like the insanity I experienced attempting to make the world and other people as I would have them be to be even more painful than the insanity I felt attempting to make alcohol and other substances work in the way I wanted. The good news is that there's a solution to this problem of trying to control the uncontrollable which starts in Step 2. Keep going to meetings and work with a sponsor, you can move through this.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "jtuvrn", "comment_id": "gc8h5rj"}, {"question": "Will Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) make my ADHD worse?", "description": "Hello,\n\nI just got Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) prescribed from my psychiatrists and while I was reading about the long term side effects I learned that your ADHD will get worse when you stop using your medication.\n\nCan someone confirm this? I am currently afraid of using it since my ADHD is already bad and if I at one point want to stop using it for some reason I dont want to have it even worse.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHere a snippet from an article:\n\n>They took 18 never medicated ADHD adults and did PET scans on them before and one year later. They compared the ADHD adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. The ADHD subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAge: 25\n\nHeight: 185cm\n\nWeight: 90kg\n\ngender: M\n\nmedications you take: None(YET!)\n\nsmoking status: Not smoking\n\nprevious and current medical issues: ADHD\n\nduration and location of complaint: My whole life\n\n \n\nThanks for any advice", "answer": "Getting information from Amen Clinics is not a good idea. Dr Daniel Amen is a notorious quack who uses un-validated methodology and bilks patients for thosuands.\n\nThat said, here's the original paper: [Long-Term Stimulant Treatment Affects Brain Dopamine Transporter Level in Patients with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0063023), and a more recent one one Ritalin specifically: [Chronic methylphenidate preferentially alters catecholamine protein targets in the parietal cortex and ventral striatum](https://www.scopus.com/record/display.uri?eid=2-s2.0-85060305958&origin=resultslist&sort=plf-f&cite=2-s2.0-84877766209&src=s&imp=t&sid=1572f788a679eac25d391f2dbb0325d6&sot=cite&sdt=a&sl=0&relpos=3&citeCnt=0&searchTerm=) \n\nBut compare another recent meta-analysis and review (though not in ADHD): [Effects of stimulant drug use on the dopaminergic system: A systematic review and meta-analysis of in vivo neuroimaging studies.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30981746) \n\nThe overall summary I would give is that the picture is complicated and the basic science not ready for making clinical decisions. What is abundantly clear from larger-scale data is that treatment of ADHD with stimulants like methylphenidate (Ritalin) improves outcomes on a wide variety of metrics.\n\nThe \"may get worse\" is very different from \"definitely gets worse, don't take Ritalin.\"", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bphyzk", "comment_id": "entcwc9"}, {"question": "[31/f] Is my husband's[30/m] relationship with his former student[f/18] something I should be concerned about?", "description": "My husband Davis and I are 30 and 31 respectively and have been together on and off for 15 years, married for 3. Despite having a very rocky relationship in our teenage years, we both grew up and managed to make it work, and I have never had a reason to distrust him in recent years. I've never had a doubt that he loves me unconditionally and would never intentionally hurt me. \n\nDavis is a high school teacher, and in general has very good relationships with his students. There is one girl, Shay, that he was a lot closer to than all the rest. Shay and my husband have very similar personalities, and they just clicked right away. Shay eventually ended up confiding in him about a lot of personal things that she was struggling with, including a verbally abusive mother, a father who abandoned her, and an eating disorder. These were all things that I myself had struggled with in high school, and Shay's life was actually shockingly similar to my own. Davis had helped me through all the same issues when we were teenagers, so he was able to support a lot and really help her in much the same way he helped me.\n\nAt the time, I thought it was wonderful that he was able to do this for Shay, because I know exactly how hard these types of issues are, and having Davis to support me was one of the only things that got me through them. Davis was very open about his relationship with Shay, and Shay is a very genuinely good person, so I never had any reason to worry. \n\nShay graduated last year, so I assumed that was more or less the end of her contact with Davis. I knew they would probably keep in touch, but I figured it would be pretty shallow communication. This morning, when I was leaving for work in a hurry, I accidentally grabbed Davis's phone instead of my own. I was just about to call him and let him know when a text from Shay popped up. My curiosity got the best of me and I read their messages. It seems they have been talking a lot lately, and their texts even date back to when Shay was still his student, which I was unaware of. \n\nShay is still struggling with a lot of stuff, which didn't surprise me at all, as I know first hand that these things don't just go away overnight. Some of their texts were of that nature, but some were just small talk and a lot of catching up. It seems they text almost daily, just keeping the other informed about what's going on in their life. \n\nI'm more than a little surprised and a little bit uncomfortable with the situation. Davis is offering Shay the same level of emotional support that he offers me, and it seems he is helping her deal with her issues in the same way he helps me. Initially, this did not bother me, but for some reason it now makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think either of them are aware that their relationship might not be appropriate, and they definitely are not being malicious in any way. However,when I think back to high school when Davis supported me through all my struggles, and I remember how close that made us, I can't help but worry it will do the same thing for their relationship. \n\nI haven't brought this up to Davis yet but I plan on doing so today. Before I do, I'd like to know if you think this is inappropriate or would be uncomfortable with the situation, or am I overreacting?", "answer": "I would be concerned. If nothing else, for the sake of appearances. I almost guarantee that this type of contact would have been grounds for sanctions when he was her teacher. What if his school found out? What if they decide this is a pattern of behavior? At the very least it sounds like he's crossing some boundaries in spirit, if not in practice. Is he really willing to risk his teaching license and career for this? What does that say about the value he places on your relationship if so, if he's willing to put his family's livelihood at stake?\n\nI would go to counseling with him to see what is up. Clearly there is something he is getting out of this relationship with her... Whether it's feeling needed/.wanted, hero worship, or..... Ahem... Something else. In any case, you need to have a long hard talk about it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1uhpw5", "comment_id": "ceiauhk"}, {"question": "I was never notified of positive Lyme disease results...", "description": "I know Lyme disease is a controversial topic, but please bear with me. \n\nI am a 24-year-old female living in the USA. I\u2019m 5\u201911 and 180 pounds. Non-smoker and no recreational drugs. Medications I take include my birth control and I currently taking doxycycline 2x/day. \n\nTo the story: \n\nI\u2019ve have some on going health problems over the past couple months \u2014 namely exhaustion, hair loss, orthostatic hypotension. I won\u2019t get into the details, but long story short, my PCP referred me to a cardiologist just to check things out. \n\nI had the appointment and they did a echocardiogram (normal) and a 24 hour Holter monitor (NSR, SB, ST, and SA) which was unremarkable. He also decided to order a few blood results, a CBC and Lyme panel \u201cjust for the hell of it\u201d. \n\nThe same day, I heard from my PCP that my CBC came back and I was anemic \u2014 she recommended taking OTC iron pills. No mention of the Lyme test, which I obviously knew hadn\u2019t resulted yet. The next day, I left on vacation for two weeks. Never received a phone call or message while away. \n\nWeeks later, I decided to pick up the test results, namely just wanting to see my CBC results. All of the labs drawn that day, including the Lyme disease results were printed and given to me. \n\n[RESULTS](https://imgur.com/a/1OZCesm)\n\nNow, I don\u2019t have a trained eye but these are very obviously positive. My antibodies were positive and it was automatically reflexes to a WB test, which was 1/2 positive. \n\nFollowing this, I called my PCP to ask her to review the results. She confirmed that I tested positive for Lyme disease and prescribed me 4 weeks of doxycycline 2x/day. She apologized for not catching it, which is completely *not* her fault. She said she would take measures to report this (near) miss. \n\nWhat actions will she likely take? Do I need to do anything? \n\nI get that things fall through the crack and I don\u2019t believe I have any notable symptoms \u2014 it\u2019s probably a red herring find, but wise to treat nonetheless. I know it\u2019s also reportable to the state health department...", "answer": "Lyme disease isn't controversial in itself. *Chronic* Lyme disease is, and it drowns out the straightforward diagnosis and treatment of the acute tick-borne infection.\n\nThere's nothing that you need to do. The case should be reported because Lyme disease infection rates are tracked, but that's not important to you personally. You've gotten appropriate treatment prescribed and will hopefully feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fimcbs", "comment_id": "fki2ygf"}, {"question": "Psych meds and (possible) nicotine poisoning?", "description": "18\n\nMale\n\n5\u20198\u201d\n\n120lbs ish\n\nCaucasian (mixed euro and indo)\n\nCanada, eyes and heart\n\nMental disorders\n\n5mg Valium twice daily, 100mg Gabapentin twice daily, 10mg Dexedrine XR each morning, 30mg Mirtazapine nightly, medical cannabis and nicotine via vaping \u2014 throughout the day\n\n**So,** I\u2019ve been mixing my own vape juice and late last night I spilled a bunch all over my hands, not wearing gloves like an idiot. Couldn\u2019t sleep, was sweating nonstop, nauseated, salivating, sore eyes, the whole shebang\n\nToday was okay until I vaped. Fast heart rate, euphoria, profuse sweating, and anxiety instantly hit me. Shortly followed by pounding heart, dysphoria, hypertension, hyperreflexia, burning eyes, restless sitting, slight abdominal discomfort and slightly blurred vision. Persisted for ~8 hours and here I am at midnight with no family doctor and my psychiatrist is on vacation\n\nI\u2019m scared to take my medication, I want to know what information I can get (digging will take centuries to even speculate). I\u2019m not asking what to do I\u2019m not tryna break rules like that, I want to know if this seems unsafe from your perspective\n\nI\u2019m going to rather stay up until I can see my doctor or I\u2019m going to emergency ASAP\n\nEdit: I was initially scared to have a seizure but I haven\u2019t really twitched much. Now I\u2019m scared of cardiovascular problems (been to the hospital for ~~anxiety~~ SVT-like symptoms under the influence of a stimulant and because my mom has a heart condition) and CNS depression; I don\u2019t want to have to vape to stay up. Maybe I\u2019ll end up passing out and this thread will have 0 comments and turns out I was safe the whole time", "answer": "Have you told your parents? Do you live with (on of) them?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bczxnu", "comment_id": "ekuwabm"}, {"question": "I feel like an alien in a human suit", "description": "I have Adhd and people constantly treat me like a child. They think I have low intelligence because I constantly zone in and out and dont catch what theyre saying. It happens all the time. Another example, we were on this trivia app the other day and I wasnt getting answers correct. They blatantly said \u201cI wanna see her take an IQ test haha\u201d or \u201cI bet if you took an IQ test, the score would be higher than we all think it is.\u201d Im so sick of it. I can\u2019t sit still all the time, like when were watching a movie on the couch. She asked me to stop moving but I subconsciously do it anyways. One of my friends said to me \u201ci\u2019m gonna sit on the floor because you\u2019re moving too much and its annoying me.\u201d I live in a dorm with these people so I can\u2019t just move out and stop being friends. I feel like a second class citizen in my friend group. It makes me feel really bad about myself; like some sort of alien in a human suit. ", "answer": "I\u2019m really sorry you\u2019re struggling with this. Have you shared with your roommates that you have ADHD? I know that might feel really vulnerable to share with people who have already been shitty to you, but given that you live together, it seems like them not knowing what is going with you may be doing more damage. They need to understand that you\u2019re struggling and that the way they\u2019re treating you is adding to your struggle. Likewise, you need to make sure that you\u2019re doing everything you can to manage your symptoms, for yourself first and foremost, but also because your roommates need to be able to live with you. I don\u2019t mean that to sound harsh. But I think we do, to a point, owe the people who spend the most time with us our best effort in managing our symptoms, since those people are impacted by our symptoms too. Yours sound like they\u2019re really hard for you to manage and are negatively impacting you. So I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re receiving treatment of some sort right now? If you are, do you need to try something else? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9x5zjf", "comment_id": "e9py5q5"}, {"question": "[Me: 27M] Breaking up with someone [23F] part 2", "description": "I was dating someone for ~3.5 months or so but we haven't seen each other in a month -- I mad a previous blog about this, so long story short we were casually dating, she asked \"where do you see us going,\" and I was upfront and said I didn't foresee anything serious and I only wanted to date casually. We took a break from talking because I had law school exams/Thanksgiving/job; and in that time I decided that I didn't want to continue the relationship for various reasons.\n\n\n\n\n\nIt was advised to me here that I tell her that I didn't want to continue seeing her in person rather than through text or something. After my finals I texted her asking how she's been doing, saying that I'm done with my stuff and so on... and she replied once with something casual like \"same old same old... I've been bored.\" And I replied to this text with a question asking if her job had been any better and so on. She hasn't replied to that (been about a week). \n\n\n\n**SO here's my question:** She hasn't replied to my attempt at a conversation -- should I still try to \"officially\" break up with her in person, or at this point is it pretty much established by both of us? On the one hand - I do feel like after seeing someone for ~3.5 months, she deserves something and I wouldn't want her to feel like I just ditched her; but on the other hand, at this point I feel like it may cause even more problems if I try to re-establish a conversation with her for essentially the sole purpose of meeting up to break up with her officially. Should I just let it be? Or alternatively, should I just send her a text and say something like: \"hey I haven't heard back from you, is it safe to assume that we both are happy moving our separate ways?\" or something like that? Part of me feels like getting official closure is nice, but part of me feels like if she was attached to me (which I think she was), it may be better to just leave things this way rather than potentially hurt her feelings more?\n\n\n\n\nAny advice would be appreciated !! \n\n\n\n\nFYI: previous blog here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5hcm76/me_27m_am_confused_about_how_to_break_up_with_a/ ", "answer": "you're right to want face-face closure, but if she won't do that you have no choice but to write it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc1zg", "comment_id": "dbmwptg"}, {"question": "5 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand", "description": "1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you\u2019ll ever have.\n\n2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)\n\n3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.\n\n4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.\n\n5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you\u2019re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?", "answer": ">Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of. \n \nI booked a solo vacation, 2 weeks in Thailand. Laid on the beach, rode a rented bicycle. First week I was at a ritzy hotel with a jacuzzi in my room... just .... jacuzz'd.... all day with my audiobook. Free kayaks to borrow, kayaked over to a different beach with no people, laid out my towel and listened to podcasts....\n\nWhen I felt like socializing I booked a day-tour snorkeling and made friends with any other singles on it, or the tour guide. Or a sweet couple from Brazil. Or one from China.... India... It was great controlling my socialization so completely.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vb6et", "comment_id": "cogpj11"}, {"question": "How to deal with post-facts, gaslighting, conspiracy theories?", "description": "I'm having a negative knee-jerk reaction whenever I see an article or post related to political, ideological, or informational shenanigans. Although it's healthy to have skepticism, I'm not mentally prepared to interact with these topics in person or with the people who have these ideas or thought processes. How should I go about thinking about these things or treating people? Also, as someone who tends to interpret things literally due to having mild autism, is it better to learn how to deal with this or to remove myself from this?", "answer": "Some people are really interested in discussing politics. Some people aren't. Some people absolutely hate talking about politics. There's nothing wrong with being either one. If it's not for you, just excuse yourself from conversations or ask to change the subject. \n\n\nAs to the last question, that's entirely up to you. It takes a lot of work to desensitize yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety. Is the benefits of not having that knee-jerk reaction worth the amount of work it's going to take? If so, then by all means, put the work in. If not, then it's entirely fine if you choose to remove yourself from these kind of conversations.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb4t05", "comment_id": "ekhamy3"}, {"question": "[17M] I've never had a relationship out of shyness", "description": "I'm extremely shy when it comes to relationships. I've never had a girlfriend once in my life. I've tried very few times, but most of those times I didn't advance beyond talking on Snapchat (the \"wyd\" snaps). I've never been on a date with a girl. I haven't even held hands with a girl, let alone have a first kiss.\n\nI've been told that a few girls had interest in me, but I was too scared to take action. I have no clue what to say to a girl that is interested in me or that I like. I've had a few text me that say that they are interested in me, but I declined because they aren't my type (my standards aren't that high).\n\nI've felt I missed out a lot on my teenage years by not having any romantic experiences. It feels weird looking at Instagram or Snapchat and seeing tons of couples together. Any help for making my last two years of HS better?", "answer": "Social media is a complete mindfuck for your generation. I\u2019m sorry you have to deal with it but also so happy I grew up in the generation where it was just coming into being when I was in late high school early college.\n\n\n\nThe reality is that a ton of people around your age are exactly like you. People try so hard to put up a positive image/facade on social media it\u2019s easy to start believing everyone else\u2019s lives are great while yours sucks. In reality, more people than not are in the same boat as you.\n\n\nYou\u2019ll face your fears when you\u2019re ready. That\u2019s really what it\u2019s all about too. When you want it bad enough, you\u2019ll say \u201cfuck it. It\u2019s going to be terrifying, possibly embarrassing, but I\u2019m just gonna go for it.\u201d You\u2019ll have lots of high highs and very low lows, but you\u2019ll learn and get better at dealing with it.\n\n\n\nAs far as straight up practical advice. Don\u2019t try for a \u201crelationship\u201d. No real relationship starts out by someone saying \u201chey do you want to be my girlfriend?\u201d The way most kids in school think and try to do. If you\u2019re in to someone, even if they might not be your dream partner, just ask them if they want to hang out and do something fun. That\u2019s a date. If you hit it off, do it some more, and it might lead to a relationship, if not, move on and try with someone else.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "93vpl5", "comment_id": "e3gdl8p"}, {"question": "Mental health research paper focused on illicit drug use", "description": "I am currently writing a research paper on whether specific mental illnesses can have a determining effect on which type of illicit drugs people are likely to abuse in order to try and gain a better understanding of both mental health and substance abuse. I am almost done and not looking for anyone to do my work for me, but I am interested in what you all think in regards to the study. ", "answer": "Im an addiction psychiatrist.\n\nBasically theres no correlation to the best of my knowledge - its more about availability of drugs in the local area. Ultimately people tend to seek alleviation of distress through whatever means possible rather than shopping for specific substances. There may be subtle differences between the various mental disorders, but id be surprised if its statistically significant. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "786s9h", "comment_id": "dorzzms"}, {"question": "Did my gf have a seizure, if so what caused it?", "description": "Girlfriend is 32, female, about 5'3,168lb, Caucasion.\n\nEarlier today tried to drink something but couldn't swallow it (she described it as a lump in her throat was blocking the Pepsi) and within seconds she said she fainted. I walked in just as I heard her coughing to find her on the floor. She was making a horrific choking and gurgling sound as she was spitting and drooling and little foamy, her eyes were open but just staring blankly at the ceiling and her entire body was shaking from her muscles being tense. I tried to turn her in case she was sick but she was so rigid I couldn't. By this time I'd called 999 (I'm in the UK) and after about a minute her long sort of rasping exhale ended and she stopped breathing and started turning bright red and purple. Then suddenly she went completely limp and started to breathe again. After about 3 minutes in total she sat up by herself and over the next hour (now accompanied by paramedics) she vomited 3 times but each time it was mostly just clear mucus.\n\nShe's taking an anti-depressant called fluoxetine I think a 20mg dose a day, but after a family bereavement she's (understandably) not coping well and she started taking 2 a day bring her to 40mg (I think) over the last couple of days - the dose she was originally on before her doctor said she could lower it if she felt she wanted to towards end of last year.\n\nAnyways, her ecg, blood pressure and whatever other tests they did came back normal. They couldn't give an exact answer to why this happened other than a boiling over of stress and anxiety, her menstral cycle and a change in meds.\n\nI don't want to doubt the professionals but watching this was one of the most upsetting things I've experienced and wanted more answers! The paramedics were also vague on labelling what happened, they just kept saying that it might've been a fit or just fainting but this seems a bit more exteme than fainting.\n\nEdit - said she was drinking water but it was actually Pepsi. Also she has no memory other than the difficulty in swallowing and then being sat upright on the floor after the whole episode.", "answer": "On balance, id probably agree with the docs that saw your gf. I'm not wholly convinced that this was a tonic-clonic seizure - onset and recover seem pretty abrupt. I'm also not convinced that this was due to low blood pressure. I guess the best way to describe it is that it was a pseudoseizure.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qe0lj", "comment_id": "dkx7qwq"}, {"question": "How should a therapist respond to your diagnosis questions ?", "description": "Today I brought up the possibility of me being bipolar and only feeling good because I'm manic. I'm not displaying symptoms of classic mania but I'm just concerned that me no longer feeling suicidal and depressed is not because I'm getting better happier and healthier while sober but because I'm manic. \n\nThis concern stems becayse of a diagnosis - rather quickly after 5 mins - I got at 19. \n\nI've had depressive episodes in my life but they usually were becayse of bad relationships or toxic jobs. \n\nAnyways how should a therapist approach a concern from a client about a certain illness or disorder ? She said she didn't think I had it.\n\nWould she be able to tell after 5 sessions if I was?\n\nShould she have asked more questions as to why I think that ?", "answer": "For many of us (therapists), we don't really put too much stock in diagnosis in general. There have been many studies that show diagnosis overall is not very accurate and consistent between clinicians. On top of that, diagnoses are not diseases in the way many people think. Generally, they're patterns of symptoms or behaviors that when lumped together, someone can apply a label to, but don't really speak to the person as an individual or what their specific experiences are. \n\n\nIf you and your therapist are someone who puts a lot of importance on diagnosis, I would say your therapist who has seen you for 5 sessions can give a much more accurate impression of what you would be diagnosed with than what you got after a 5 minute psych eval/intake? \n\n\nFrom my own personal experience, it's pretty rare that folks who do internet dives and research certain diagnoses are correct in diagnosing themselves (this includes me when I thought I had Bipolar while in college). The diagnosis I was given when I went for treatment much more accurately described my experience than what I thought, though once again, not very important in the grand scheme of things as far as my learning to cope with and/or overcome my symptoms.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cqynhu", "comment_id": "ex2dzvf"}, {"question": "Boyfriend has really high heart rate sometimes", "description": "Today my boyfriend sent me screenshots of his heartrate while having one of these episodes, and the highest was 166 bpm. I know maybe a smartphone is not the most accurate, but this is really worrying us. He has no health insurance, and we're in America, so... \nHe's had his heart tested before, but they never found anything abnormal at the time. \nHe is 29 yo, 6' 4\" and about 135 lbs, and takes escitalopram for anxiety.\n\nEdit: Not sure if I got his weight right. I think it's more like 165lbs. He is quite tall and slim though.", "answer": "Exercise should raise heart rate. Anxiety can as well; while anxiety isn't itself abnormal, anxiety out of nowhere and over nothing is treatable. The elevated heart rate of anxiety isn't pathological or harmful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvtj9", "comment_id": "fkpm8mi"}, {"question": "This comic understands.", "description": "[Saw this online and felt the same way.](http://imgur.com/2nHPcKw)", "answer": "Wow, I felt exactly like that the other day when I had to go meet with my recruiter, who is trying to help me find a job. I had to dress up and do my little song and dance to come across like a normal person who will fit in perfectly in the corporate world. I pulled it off, but I felt like a fraud. Good thing they couldn't see the state of my house or how I spend much of my time curled into a fetal position on the couch with my dogs and cats.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17c0w4", "comment_id": "c844y4w"}, {"question": "My mom locked me in the car because a black family parked next to us.", "description": "We parked at a gas station and my parents wanted to grab a coffee. I didn\u2019t want to go with them to continue watching my show in the car. They never lock me in case i want to open the door to get fresh air or whatever, but this time my mom locked the door. I looked at her with a confused expression, and she pointed over to the car next to us where a black family with two kids had just parked. The mom was white and went to the cafe with her kids and the black dad stayed at the car looking at his phone like any normal person. I looked at my mom again and I couldn\u2019t shut my mouth again. I was speechless.\n\nI don\u2019t know where this belongs to but it makes me so upset how hateful my mom can be against people who look different or come from a different country. They were doing nothing wrong. Nothing. ", "answer": "I'm dealing with this too. My dad forwarded me a horribly racist email and now we're fighting about it. It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97a7mb", "comment_id": "e4706vr"}, {"question": "My own OB won\u2019t doesn\u2019t want to examine me, she just tells me to NOT have sex because I am \u2018young\u2019", "description": "Hey guys, but I really need your thoughts/opinions on what I'm experiencing rn\n\nSo about 3 months ago, I got my wisdom tooth removed and was prescribed antibiotics. Fast forward for about a week later, i felt an extreme burning feeling /pain down there so I went to the doctor. She gave me medications (I took them though those weren't antifungals, she just gave me another set of antibiotics) the pain subsided and I thought I was okay after a couple of weeks so yes, i tried having sex. It was so bad that he couldn't even put the tip in. Anyways , I decided to move to another doctor as the first one didn't believed it was caused by antibiotics.\n\nUpon moving to the second doctor, I told her my experience. She prescribed me a fluconazole to take for 9 days. She told me to just continue it for about 2-3 weeks. So a week after my medications were done, i thought I was already okay. I did try to have sex, but again, it felt so painful we couldn't even push it in. This sounds so embarrassing but I don't know who to ask on what to do, because my own doctor just told me \"to NOT have sex because you're still young\". That wasn't even my point. I can avoid having sex for as long as she wants but what if it still hurts the next time I try? I didn't need her judgement, i needed to know what was going on inside my body, and how I could properly heal. She didn't even want to examine me. Am I wrong? I don't know what to think anymore. It's so expensive in my place to even see a doctor.\n\nIn case you are wondering what my age is, I am 21 years old and me and my partner are clean and hygenic. He was the first one I have ever had sex with and it is the same for him. I don't want to self medicate but I am not seeing much improvements to the fluconazole the was prescribed to drink once every three days to me. Are there other ways that I could do that might help?", "answer": "Whether or not you should be having sex, which is really not up to your doctor when you're an adult, refusing to do an exam when there may be a problem sounds negligent. I'm not a gyn, but even prescribing without actually doing some verification of what's being treated sounds iffy.\n\nSo I agree with the chorus telling you to find a new doctor, but I'm adding a few more reasons to it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "decrla", "comment_id": "f2vv6rn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m afraid that I don\u2019t have ADHD", "description": "If I don\u2019t have this disorder, then I\u2019m afraid I am just mentally deficient in some way I\u2019ll never really know and I will never actually feel that my struggles are valid. \n\nMy chronically depression addled brain and low self esteem leads me to believe I\u2019m just plain dumb. I never did very well in school. Barely graduated high school and had pretty consistently low grades up until college, when I managed something like a 3.6 gpa (majored in illustration, so just generals and art classes.) \nI continue to struggle just being able to focus and process/retain information. I feel mentally slow a lot of the time.\n\nI have been \u201ctested\u201d using that simple short questionnaire. It was suspected that I \u201cmay\u201d have ADHD inattentive type. I was on strattera years ago. I believe I was prescribed this after having this urine test done that showed what brain..chemicals I was deficient in? It might have been dopamine? I\u2019m not even sure. I don\u2019t even remember why I went off it or how well it worked. I\u2019m guessing not that well if I decided to go off it. My long term memory is kind of terrible. \n\nAnyway, I have been prescribed Ritalin XR (and adderall XR, both for short periods. I gave up on both because I didn\u2019t feel any noticeable change, except for some depressive episodes that seemed worse than usual. But then, I haven\u2019t been on any adhd meds for a few weeks and had another episode (it\u2019s always after work that I really crash) so...I just don\u2019t know. Looking into it, I have a lot of the symptoms but not all so it makes me think maybe I don\u2019t quite fit the diagnosis?\n\nI don\u2019t know if there\u2019s some ADHD specialist I need to see before I\u2019m convinced that I even have this or not but I\u2019m in a low place right now and just wanted to get this off my chest. Kind of hoping I could get some feedback, too. ", "answer": "If you read through this sub, you\u2019ll see so many posts of people talking about this very thing. This is so, so common, I am finding. I\u2019m recently diagnosed and have found myself questioning the diagnosis sometimes too. \n\nFor me, ADHD makes it hard for me to trust my own knowledge, experience, and mind. And that can then feed into questioning if I really have ADHD or if I actually just suck. Are you working with a therapist? Mine has told me that this is a major task for us to be working on together: the development of self-trust. Maybe thinking about self-trust could be useful for you too, in terms of being able to trust yourself that you are being honest with yourself about your experience and that you aren\u2019t just making it up. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aa23pp", "comment_id": "ecof58w"}, {"question": "Fighting a losing battle", "description": "Hey, r/SW. I'm between a rock and a hard place and need a third person perspective. I've been dealing a very aggressive form of schizophrenia for the last couple years with what I would call little success. I've been having abhorrent thoughts of ritualized mutilation towards myself and loved ones, something that almost ended in my son's death last time. I'm scared of losing myself, a fear that most of my doctors have done little to dissuade me of. It's like standing on a cliff facing and having to watch in paralyzing fear as it starts to crumble away. Needless to say, I've been questioning if suicide is the answer, to prevent harm to my family and to prevent a complete delusion from taking hold.\n\nTo be honest, I have ready access to a firearm, but I'm loathe to try right now out of concern of someone waking up and intervening. I'm more or less just waiting until evidence starts shoring up that things will improve, or an opportunity to acts arises.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSchizophrenia is a hard diagnosis to deal with: there is so much going on all of the time that you often feel like you lose yourself in all of it. Especially with the more aggressive forms of it. I totally get when you say that you are scared of losing yourself, and that you are \"standing on a cliff facing\" and \"having to watch in paralyzing fear\" as it progresses. You really speak for a lot of people suffering from Schizophrenia there.\n\nSuicidality is common among people suffering with schizophrenia, and I don't blame them one bit. It feels like your senses are hijacked, and you don't know who you are anymore. I'm so happy for you that you have some hesitations about that, however small it is. It shows your strength and courage!\n\nNow, you say that you need a third person perspective, but you don't exactly specify a question. So, I'm going to assume that you are looking for general ideas about how to go about dealing with the progression of symptoms.\n\n1. Get everything that you could possibly use out of your reach. Your loved ones will be helpful here. The sobering reality is that with unchecked schizophrenia you will, at times, have no control. Putting yourself in an environment full of potentially dangerous objects is both hazardous to you and to anyone around you. Get some peace of mind by starting there.\n\n2. You see I presume a psychiatrist. Make sure that your med regiment is up to date, and that you are taking proper dosages at proper times of the day. Medication management is SUPER important with schizophrenia, especially at the beginning. \n\n3. Do you see a regular counselor? Lots of people think that counseling can't help schizophrenics. In reality, it offers them a great place to discuss and express their experiences in dealing with schizophrenia. Many people who see a therapist they trust (especially one with experience in dealing with schizophrenia) often times reality test a lot better, and have an easier time differentiating reality from their hallucinations/delusions.\n\n4. Make sure you are taking time for yourself, too. Often times, people experiencing schizophrenia report worse symptoms after having little sleep. Make sure you are eating properly, drinking water, and exercising. Also be sure your diet doesn't interfere with your medication regiment.\n\nSchizophrenia is a long journey, but with the proper environment, you can really give yourself a leg up in the struggle. Best of luck to you. :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "527p11", "comment_id": "d7idl90"}, {"question": "Should I approach him", "description": "Ok so there is a boy I think is cute. I want to approach him but I'm scared because it's like he only prefers girls a certain way because on his Instagram the girls he follow looks a specific certain way. I'm scared to approach him because I feel like he will just deny on me. ", "answer": "just be you. that's all you can be. if he doesn't like you he's the wrong guy for YOU. there's a million thrat will love and appreciate you for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ko78r", "comment_id": "dbpdzjf"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend just dependent on me or am I too high maintenance?", "description": "First off, we've been together for 3 years. \n\nI provide more financially, and help take care of his other two kids. I do a majority of the cooking and cleaning. I don't feel like he really tries in this relationship, and rather is in it only because he truly needs me in a codependent way. \n\nHe never compliments me, and only says thank you for things because I told him it bothered me that he didn't. Doesn't say I love you unless I say it first. Doesn't show affection unless it's a precursor to sex. I try to do thoughtful things for him frequently and don't get it back from him. I am so overly stressed and unhappy that I feel Im running on empty. We have talked about this so many times and things get better for a week then he stops trying again. I feel it means we are incompatible. Or maybe I'm too high maintenance for wanting those things. \n\n", "answer": "he's not giving you what you need. no such thing as too this or too that. it's all about being compatible with your respective needs and wants", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oepec", "comment_id": "dcisy69"}, {"question": "Mixed signals from my crush.", "description": "So basically I've been friends with this guy for three years now. We sometimes will have sex sometimes we won't. (Would say it's like fuck buddies but it's more than that.). Anyway, he lives three hours away so it's hard to make anything work, and we've decided to just see what happens and not rush into anything.\n\nI mailed him some weed brownies , and he FaceTime called me to thank me. He told me when he would be back in town, we talked for a little bit and that was all. Pretty casual, which is pretty usual for our \"relationship\". (Which is completely fine because that's what we agreed upon. Until he lives closer we just don't see it working. We both don't want to do long distance.)\n\nToday he posted a Snapchat of a screenshot of a text to his mom and it said this. \"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. You're the only woman I need!\"\n\nLike... am I a piece of baloney? I'm assuming he's just being a stupid boy and not thinking about it, but still. It just hurt a little. Am I being too sensitive and over reacting?", "answer": "he doesn't see you as special or a girlfriend, so you might have a decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u3czf", "comment_id": "ddr0vnp"}, {"question": "I've never been in a relationship and I'm in my late 20s. Going to a sex club is far less terrifying than going out for coffee, 1-on-1. How can I change this?", "description": "I haven't been in a relationship because I feel like I need to become a better person before I can commit. I've passed on partners because I've always felt that in the end, they're better off without me.\n\nAnonymous one night stands are far easier for me. It scares me more that a person would find me \"boring and uninteresting\" in the head than not being physically attracted to me.\n\nI'm at a point in my life where I feel incredibly depressed, due to lack of progress in my education and mental state and I'm wondering if it's still possible for me to be in a relationship despite 'not loving myself' or feeling incomplete, because I feel like this is how I always will be.", "answer": "The question \"Is life worth living\" is a religious question. The answer a person gives, if detailed enough ,will disclose their core beliefs. People are free to choose what they believe and if you do not feel free to choose these core beliefs, you are not free. I suggest that you need to work yourself free from certain beliefs that you hold but in fact hold you. Once you examine them in detail you will be free to discard them and adopt better, more beautiful and functional beliefs.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "39y6lg", "comment_id": "cs8a4zi"}, {"question": "I let ptsd get the better of me and ruin my relationship", "description": "Been close to a year with a genuinely sweet man but I couldn't keep my symptoms in check he deserves better.\n\nI've struggled with drinking and medication side effects for a while but I got triggered going on holiday with him 2 months ago as he was also stressed he made comments about my past I lashed out and hit him. His words cut so deep but that's no excuse. \n\nThis past week I've been triggered and foolishly drank, met him in the midst of being drunk and was upset he earlier checked out another woman and I bit him later that evening. Saw him last night and he hinted he doesn't love me anymore, I totally understand I wouldn't either, I feel so guilty. I can't even see a therapist as I'm on the waiting list. This will be a lifelong struggle, I just wanted to vent my shame and guilt ", "answer": "I'm sorry you're in such a struggle right now. There's a mental health text line which may be of help to you until you can get off the waiting list for a therapist.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/). \n\nIf you absolutely need to speak with someone in person, most spiritual leaders will accept appointments to listen to the problems of the members of their spiritual community. If you're not part of a faith community, they will sometimes meet with people outside of the community so it's worth making a couple of phone calls mid-week to see if there's someone who will meet with you. Also, if you're near a college or university they may have crisis walk-in services for non-students at their counseling center, so that's also worth a phone call. And as a last resort, the national suicide hotline is available 24 hours a day. People call for all sorts of reasons, not just because they're suicidal. The volunteers are trained to assist anyone in an emotional crisis - they're not going to hang up on you just because you're not suicidal right now. So if you need to talk to a person and aren't having luck anywhere else, you can call the hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.\n\nAs you're working through issues with shame and guilt, I highly recommend Brene Brown's books (I have no association with her, I just love her writing and research). You can find them at many libraries and book stores and in a number of the library affiliated audiobook apps. \n\nSince your instances of violence followed episodes of drinking, and you say about the second on that you were \"foolishly drinking\" I get the feeling that you may be thinking about limiting or abstaining from alcohol might be helpful while you're working on your mental health issues. If I'm on the right page, I always recommend AA. I've found the AA community to be really awesome and welcoming. They've got groups of all sorts of age ranges and even for specific niche groups (Moms over 40, Retired Men, Veterans, Students, Bibliophiles, etc. I've seen some really cool niche groups in different places). Even if you don't identify as an alcoholic, they can be a supportive group to help you with your goals related to alcohol while you're in treatment with a therapist for your mental health issues. \n\nWherever you find it, I hope you find some support until you can get off the wait list to actually begin therapy. Good luck!", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "95lcwq", "comment_id": "e3u3is6"}, {"question": "Anxiety going to girlfriend's house", "description": "I'm a 20 year old guy, and my girlfriend is 20 as well. We've been together for approximately two years. We both live with our parents. From the first time we started being together, we've almost always been at my place when we had to see each other. She had some issues with her stepdad so she told me that she would rather be at my place - besides, she's the only one of us who have their own car. Of course we've been at her place as well, but through these two years it has been less than 10 times. \nI've always known i have some social anxiety, but nothing that I've ever had a serious talk about. Lately the thought of us being at her place has given me serious anxiety - suddenly sweating, heart pounding, dizziness, funny stomach and so on, and I'm not sure why. \n\nIt is especially the thought of eating dinner with her family that makes me anxious!? I just imagine me sitting there sweating and with no appetite. I have this weird imagination that i'm the absolute center of their attention.\n\nThis anxiety is driving me crazy since i'll have to go there sooner or later. \n\n\nI apologize if I left out any important details, please ask if I have to clarify anything!", "answer": "I'm wondering how much of this is related to the stepdad . If your girlfriend shared that he was somehow abusive or makes her uncomfortable , that may be related .\n\nWhat do you think ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fnqn9l", "comment_id": "flc9dcu"}, {"question": "Is it weird that I like starving myself?", "description": "Okay I would just like to premise that I\u2019m not anorexic and have never been, though I suppose this post might be triggering for people with eds.\n\nBasically my mom is doing this candida diet thingy and I figured I might as well do it with her. I\u2019ve basically only been eating one or two light salads a day this whole week. Right now it\u2019s been 22ish hours since I\u2019ve eaten and I love how it feels? Like I\u2019m kinda spacey and am having trouble reading books but I can read fine on my phone. And I just feel so light and stuff. The one other time I can remember I didn\u2019t eat for a while, I hadn\u2019t eaten or drank for 24 hours and almost passed out and I kind of liked the way that felt too? I know it\u2019s unhealthy but I feel so proud of myself for not eating, I\u2019ve never felt this way before. \n\nMy heart is racing and I sat down a while ago and my legs went immediately numb so I realize I should probably eat soon but should I like talk to my therapist about this? I think the reason why I like it is because I have very little willpower and I feel like I\u2019m succeeding at something right now. I kind of feel like that always when I\u2019m hungry and then feel like I\u2019ve failed myself when I eat, but I still eat a healthy amount usually", "answer": "I second talking to your therapist about it. While you may not technically have an eating disorder now, this is the type of behavior that might put you at risk of problems over the long-term.\n\nI don't know your whole story, but I wonder if you're searching for ways to feel \"in control\" in your life, and that's why it's satisfying to you? \n\nEating shouldn't feel like a failure, eating should be a way to take care of your body and yourself. I would explore with your therapist why eating might be associated with bad feelings for you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "h130fx", "comment_id": "ftpp9mz"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do now...", "description": "So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little under a year now and everything has been going smoothly. We live in Florida so I've sparred no expense building memories and experiences together. Theme parks, Orlando eye, aquariums, nature preserves, and countless other things. So now we get to the reason why I need advice. In our D&D play group we have 7 people including myself (the DM) all of which are good friends of mine, but recently I've started to notice something off. One of my closer friends has been seeming to take a bigger interest in my girlfriend. It started off small at first, jokes, winks, ect. But over the past few weeks I can't help but notice something between them. It used to be then when my girlfriend and I would go out to a theme park she would ask me to keep her phone in my pocket while we walked around and rode rides. But the last time we went out she was glued to it both at the park and on the way home. Being the slightly roguish person I am, I saw his face on the messenger icon out of the corner of my eye. When we got back to her house she kinda kept her distance emotionally and physically. This all took place on Saturday, and ever since Tuesday she's stopped texting me completely, hasn't even opened my messages, last night at our D&D session the only time she spoke to me was when she was asking to do something in the campaign, didn't say hello or goodbye, but all night she was texting my friend, both of them smiling and giggling the entire night. On my way home I sent her a lengthy text apologizing if I had done anything wrong or had upset her in any way, but still no reply. The thing that worries me the most is that my friend has done this before to another person, and it tore their friend group apart. I don't want to see that happen to us. Ive been cheated on before, and I've had girls tell me I would never be good enough, but she seemed genuinely different. Ever fiber of my being wants to trust her, that she wouldn't do something like this to me, and I hate myself for thinking she would. I just don't know what to do now...", "answer": "You need to see her in person and talk about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ems0s", "comment_id": "dibes6a"}, {"question": "Why have no (no painkiller) treatments yet been developed for permanent nerve damage, which is one of the most painful ailments we can suffer?", "description": "Before you answer, I want you to look at this Times newspaper article about a motorcyclist who resorted to chopping his own arm off with a guillotine due to the immense pain from nerve damage after a motorcycle accident.\n\n[https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb](https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb)\n\nWhy aren't there treatments for this eighteen years into the 21st century? I have two family members with nerve damage and it is awful for them. Just prescribing painkillers is not solving the problem, in fact it's causing other problems like addiction.", "answer": "Why don't we have a cure for cancer? Or the common cold?\n\nThis is something that I'm sure is studied and worked on, but there is no one, obvious solution that we've stumbled on. Medical science is not obvious and not quick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8v2104", "comment_id": "e1jxjru"}, {"question": "[34][male] How easy is it to get a brain amoeba?", "description": "Today I was accessing a sewer line cleanout on a septic system. The line was holding sewage in it and I accidentally got a very small amount of sludge on my face near my nose. I washed my face in the hose with soap and as I was doing that I splashed a small amount of water into my nostril. I think it went maybe 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch into my nostril. Is there any chance I can get a brain amoeba this way?", "answer": "Naegleria fowleri, the \"brain-eating amoeba\" is rare and lives in fresh water. Getting sewage in your face might be a small risk for infections transmitted by fecal-oral contact, but an amoeba isn't one of those concerns.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f433at", "comment_id": "fho4i85"}, {"question": "Don't want to get my paycheck.", "description": "I tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but I failed. Last sunday I drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because I'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because I spent most of my money on booze and junk food. \n\nToday is my 4th day alcohol-free and I get paid tomorrow. I'm afraid I will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because I'll have money to buy alcohol. I've been feeling happier and I don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. I've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. Thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, I don't feel so alone anymore.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being honest. Your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. Bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. Hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. I'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. Don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. Some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. Just for now. For right now do what you need to. Later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "62iggh", "comment_id": "dfmx8n3"}, {"question": "Is a site like Rate My Therapist a good idea?", "description": "There's sites like Rate my Professor that lets students gauge whether a professor will be a good fit for them(teaching style, personality, the experience of others)\n\nCurrently there is no mechanism like this for therapy. One of the most important aspects of therapy is that the therapist should be a good fit for a client.\n\nI think it would be helpful for clients to have a resource like this when finding a therapist and determine if that therapist will be a good fit ahead of time. All reviews will be anonymized", "answer": "I agree with the concerns about making it even harder for certain client populations to seek help, as well as the note that therapists can be good and also still not the right fit for some clients. \n\nThis is a very half-baked idea, but I do kind of wonder about a strengths-only review situation (e.g. some pre-populated lists that clients could keyword search to put strengths of the therapist)? That could possibly give you a flavor... But I am not sure if that would be satisfying to clients (and I also want to note that there are absolutely therapists who do unacceptable/super problematic things).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gj24vh", "comment_id": "fqktr7l"}, {"question": "Thoughts on Psychiatric Medication", "description": "Do you ever get clients where you think, \"This person needs drugs, asap!\"? What do you do in that situation? And do you ever have clients that are on psychiatric medications, but you think really just need to work through their issues and apply some healthy strategies? How do you approach those kinds of situations?", "answer": "Absolutely, I consult with a psychiatrist or talk to the patient 's doctor . If someone is already on meds that are not harmful and they are not abusing the meds, i would never interfere. \n\nI have yet to see a prescribed medication that masks symptoms of a disorder or prevents a person from working through their issues. Benzos can help anxiety without therapy, so learning coping is important. Prescribers are pulling back and want to avoid dependence.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpk7he", "comment_id": "fro3sst"}, {"question": "Looking for a coach/guide--33-year-old learning to study the world", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI want to start over with my education. I learned about the ADHD a couple of years ago and it put all of the pieces together. One of the pieces being how I have struggled to learn the things I deeply LONG to understand in the world. Like HISTORY, governments, all of the systems humans set up and why they work the way they do. I was right the whole time, not imagining things--I really WAS missing something and unable to connect the dots. All I want is to be able to say I am an informed citizen, not just learning how to recycle the same narratives I hear around me (that is what I have done in the past, so I can at least sound informed.)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo now I want to begin again with this new understanding of what DOESN'T work for me. And an ability to advocate for myself. I just don't know if I can do it alone. Does anyone have advice for how to find someone who understands ADHD brains who can help hold me to some kind of learning structure? Maybe I would meet with them every month. I need help prioritizing what to pay attention to.\n\nMuch peace, thanks y'all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEDIT: Now I am realizing the right word for the person I am looking for is really \"tutor.\" I am looking for someone who can work with me on the content I want to learn, not so much a learning coach. They just have to be someone who understands ADHD--I've had enough teachers in life who didn't understand the particular obstacles my brain has in the learning process.", "answer": "You might consider searching for a psychotherapist who specializes in ADHD. A therapist with training and experience treating ADHD may provide a number of similar suggestions as would an ADHD coach; however, a therapist will be less accessible to you in terms of phone or email support than I imagine a coach would be, and that may be the reason your looking specifically for a coach to begin with. You could still reach out to a therapist who specializes, however, and ask if they also offer coaching/phone support at an additional rate or if they can give you referrals to a coach.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "au8awk", "comment_id": "eh6p4ig"}, {"question": "Drug testing for employment is always such a JOY", "description": "When you're prescribed an unusually high dose of adderall...\nI had to do the dreaded pee test for my pre employment screening at the hospital today and of course the first thing i did was slap those prescription bottles on the counter and the nurse goes \"so what you're trying to tell me is....you're about to fail this drug test??\"\n\nThe way she said it made me laugh though. It wasn't like snooty at all it was almost an understanding exasperation. \n\nAlso...yes ma'am...maybe?", "answer": "When I have to take a drug test I bring my prescription bottles and tell them what medication I take. I know I'm going to test positive for benzodiazepines, but I usually don't test positive for anything else since I take methylphenidate. At a pre-employment screening they took copies of the prescription bottles as evidence. Any attitude is not allowed because it is related to a disability.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "espi3c", "comment_id": "ffcdypp"}, {"question": "Finding a specialist who is willing to work with BPD patients (a saga, with a happy ending!)", "description": "Basically, I\u2019m in the midst of a mental health crisis. My BPD and CPTSD symptoms are back in full force.\n\nIt is near impossible to find a mental health professional that it\u2019ll take a Borderline patient. I was warned about this by my recent psychiatrist, that a lot of therapists will not take a BPD client, that many licensed therapists will not want to work with someone who is stereotypically manipulative and require a lot of dedication.\u00a0\n\nNot only this, but its near impossible to find someone who will accept my insurance. That\u2019s a secondary issue, though. \n\nI called SEVEN mental health practices in the area, to find someone who will take someone with borderline as well as issues related to trauma. A few of them were \u201cChristian counseling centers\u201d which is a yikes, but I\u2019m desperate. \n\nI am happy to report... that I found a place that\u2019ll accept me! \n\nAnd the appointment is in just a few days! I\u2019ll start DBT again quite soon. Hopefully this time the coping skills will stick with me. I\u2019m super dedicated to working on them and getting my life back on track!\n", "answer": "If someone is willing to diagnose both CPTSD and BPD I highly doubt they really understand either. Unless the BPD was fully established before any of the trauma happened, there is way too much overlap for a differential diagnosis to be accurate and specific. \n\nI'm really happy for you that you found someone to work with and I hope they really understand CPTSD enough to help you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dwtr2", "comment_id": "e5l2r30"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm losing my best friend", "description": "I'm a guy who's 17 years old, I start this off with that sentence so you get my stand point.\n\nI've always been depressed because of my loneliness, being bullied and the situation with my parents, though recently the person who stood by me through it all for a good 11 years was my current best friend, who I'll refer to as Dave to keep his identity safe, until recently. Dave and me are both straight but after being friends for so long we have this emotional connection. But recently he got himself a stunning girlfriend and he's been speaking to her daily, so often, he has given up days with me and left conversations on discord just to talk to her.\n\nWith me being depressed while growing up I always was upset with how I looked whether my friends and the people I trust are going to backstab me. I've never self harmed but have attempted suicide, I regret it immensely but I have. He's never noticed or asked how I felt about his constant absence but I find it hard to confront home because let's be honest I love this guy (not homosexually). Can anyone help me? Am I losing one of the only friends I have; one of the only people I trust?", "answer": "TALK WITH HIM. Let him know about your viewpoint and how you feel. The best way to handle potentially messy situations is to get them out in the open. Tell him how you feel ignored by him as he leaves to talk to her. Set up a designated time where it's just the two of you.\n\nIt's unrealistic to give him a choice: you or her. The first parts of a romantic relationships often motivate people to spend a majority of time with their significant other at first. That's normal. \n\nEventually you will come to a balance.", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5y41ov", "comment_id": "dfg7e3d"}, {"question": "If Doctor records ETOH Abuse in my charts, will that have an effect on future care?", "description": "I got referred to a specialist for Cardiac issues, and he did the typical questions about history, etc. When he asked me about drinking, I replied that I might drink about 1 night a week, and have 4-5 drinks that night. \n\nThis new doctor however had an extreme reaction to it, saying that I must cut all alcohol off immediately. Absolutely no alcohol at all. He also recorded in my charts a record of ETOH abuse.\n\nThis is the same information I have given my Family Doctor in the past, and he didn't seem concerned at all. \n\nI don't have a problem cutting off drinking if it is really medically advisable, but I am very curious about why two doctors would have such a radically different opinion about it.\n\nAlso, will being listed with Alcohol Abuse in doctor's notes be an issue for me going forward in terms of how I'm treated, etc? I don't have a concern about cutting out alcohol, but I don't want to be inaccurately labelled as such if it might affect how I am treated by future doctors who view my medical records.", "answer": "You'll probably want an opinion from an addictions psychiatrist - so here it is. Its at most harmful drinking, but no more than that unless you are suffering withdrawal symptoms or its affecting your quality of life.\n\nThere might be a very valid reason to abstain from alcohol depending on the cardiac diagnosis.\n\nClarify with your usual doctor. I don't see this as malpractice, but I would've taken a more pragmatic approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y8eip", "comment_id": "d6luu4v"}, {"question": "What should I [20/f] do about the erratic behavior of a guy [22/m] after a fight that happened long ago", "description": "So there is a guy that I used to be into, but were only ever friends and he made that clear a while back. However, we got closer after the fact, and by two months ago were studying together and talking on social media rather frequently.\n\nWe had a fight over the fact that I felt he was taking advantage of my willingness to help him, as over time it began to feel like he was just being nice to me when I could do something for him. I tried to ask him to soften things a little and for example say thank you when I helped him with something, because I didn't like feeling like I was obliged to do things for him.\n\nHe apologized and was distant after this. I tried to ask him if he wanted to talk about the situation and he more or less blew up on me, saying we were only ever class friends, that the fight was stupid, I was being dramatic, and he didn't want to talk to me outside of class anymore or bring up the fight.\n\nI apologized in return and told him he could talk to me whenever he felt comfortable. He proceeded to ignore me for a week, then slowly he tried to be more and more friendly. He'd talk to me more in class, sometimes acknowledge me if he ran into me in the library, occasionally ask me for help - all going against what he said. And it's awkward. He is visibly nervous when he does it.\n\nI want to get the stupid elephant out of the room but I don't know how. It doesn't seem like he has the guts to do it. I kind of want to text him and ask him if I struck a nerve in that fight, because I feel like I did but he won't admit it. And I also won't ever get him to talk in person, so that's not a possibility. He's also moving away soon so I just want to make my peace and move on.\n\n**tl;dr**: He told me not to talk to him about a fight we had, and is going back on his word that he wouldn't talk to me. I feel like something needs to be said but I don't know how to go about it, and he is too awkward to ever admit what is wrong.", "answer": "Potential serious communication flaws here. Might need a professional to sort out dynamics.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67hco9", "comment_id": "dgqej0j"}, {"question": "Is it normal that I prioritize my [25 F] parents over my boyfriend [25]?", "description": "I want to marry him, but I can't leave them. \n\nI've got an incredible family and am very close with my parents. They had me late, so they're already in their 60's. I'm constantly terrified of something happening to them. \n\nI've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are the same person in two bodies. He's planning on proposing fairly soon. I've moved 1000 miles away from my hometown with him, to a place he really likes, for his job. \n\nI know he doesn't love where I'm from... neither do I, but I see myself needing to move back closer to my parents, pretty soon. I can't stand thinking that I might have 10 years left with them if I'm lucky, and that I'm wasting those years halfway across the country. \n\nMy boyfriend, I think, has a hunch that I feel this way. He knows how much I think about them and how sad it makes me to be away. I have not told him explicitly that I want to end up back there one day... but I don't think he'd be surprised if I did. \n\nMy town is rural, but there are a couple of decently interesting cities an hour or two's drive away. I don't think it's completely hopeless. And our ultimate goal was to work for a few years in a city to save up money, then buy some land in the country and do some simpler work to get by after that. Where I'm from would be perfect for that! Tons of rural land and super cheap cost of living, but I don't know if he sees it. \n\nI'm terrified of bringing this up with him as a thing that I definitely need, because I'll have no clue what to do if he doesn't want this. \n\nHe's from literally the opposite end of the country, too, and he might think it's unfair to live near my parents and not his. Thing is, my parents are poor and can't afford plane tickets to visit. His are very wealthy and jet off to European countries at least every month or two. \n\nHalf of me wants to jump into marriage and having kids with him so they can see that I have a happy successful life and get to meet their grandchildren. The other half is pulling the brakes hard on the marriage thing because I CAN'T be so far away from my parents for more than another year or two, I think, and I won't know what to do if he doesn't want that.\n\nAm I wrong for thinking this way? How do I begin to try to bring this up with my boyfriend? How does everyone else do this?!", "answer": "You'll never have a good relationship if you don't prioritize your SO.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75ybli", "comment_id": "do9um67"}, {"question": "12 Years Without Weed", "description": "Hi, It's been 12 years since I last smoked any weed. 12 years ago, I would smoke week all day every day. I couldn't control it, I would get high even when I knew I shouldn't. I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. I loved the feeling of being high and would get really upset if I couldn't get some more pot.\n\nI ended up getting almost arrested when I got busted by the cops but they let me go. After that, I decided to stop smoking weed. I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nI still crave the feeling of being high, but I know that I can't manage it, so I stay off. I also don't drink or do any other drugs.\n\nFeel free to ask questions.", "answer": "> I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nCare to elaborate on this?", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "voxmz", "comment_id": "c56do74"}, {"question": "Am I oversensitive", "description": "In the beginning of my relationship with my current boyfriend, he compared me a lot to his previous partners. He wasn't malicious or mean spirited about it but he did compare a lot, and he also ranked his feelings for his exes (who he loved most, then second, etc.). I write this to add some context to a more recent situation: Over the last few months he's told me several time that he'll never love me as much as he loved the people he dated in his 20s. He's in his late 30s now. I was hurt by this but I didn't say anything the first few times he said it. However, recently, when I've had a bit too much to drink, I've brought it up and he's reiterated the fact that he doesn't love me as much as he loved other people. Last night, he said \"I love you 95% as much I loved the others; you should be happy with that.\" Again, he wasn't trying to be cruel, I think he was actually trying to be nice, but it was really painful for me to hear. When he realized I was upset, he apologized and explained that he loved his previous girlfriends too much, in ways he views as unhealthy, and that he didn't mean to hurt me. I don\u2019t blame him for feeling the way he does. I guess I want more from a relationship, though. I'm not sure what to do. He believes my hurt feelings stem from a misunderstanding of what he's said. ", "answer": "you deserve 100%. it's cruel of him to say those things. don't settle!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64mgq6", "comment_id": "dg3bham"}, {"question": "Haven't touched a drop since July 2nd", "description": "My sisters are visiting me from England tomorrow (I live in Ireland) and I'll be going into a restaurant and bar for the first time since then. I'll be drinking water with my meal and I'm really looking forward to tasting good food without washing it down with ethanol.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Well done. Good luck. Enjoy a lovely dinner. I'm in Ireland too...great food ! Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9552my", "comment_id": "e3q7e2a"}, {"question": "Am I going into too much detail to convince my doc to sterilize me?", "description": "I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'm planning on talking about what kind of education I'm pursuing and how long that would take me. I would finish up school and everything by the time I'm 32-33. Throwing a baby into the mix would make my goals much harder to achieve. Major depression and bipolar disorder are very common in my family. I'm the only person in my family that has never had any mental health problems. Everyone had something by the time they were my age. I was raped at 19 and again at 21 and getting sterilized would give me more emotional security. Like, even if I can't control some things, I can still control that aspect. If I get raped again, I would feel a lot better knowing it couldn't cause pregnancy. The threat of pregnancy affects my sex life even with birth control. My ex freaked out when he found out I was getting deployed so he poked holes in our condoms. I found out and took Plan B to get rid of it. I don't want that to happen again. I'm not sure if I want kids or not yet because it depends on a lot things (e.g. financial security, what my partner wants), but I do know that I won't have biological kids. I don't want something growing inside me for 9 months. The idea of childbirth is disgusting to me. I don't want to risk a medical professional sticking their hand inside me to check how dilated my cervix or whatever. There isn't a whole lot of control I would have over my body during the process. I don't want to be completely vulnerable in front of a bunch of strangers. The whole thing just seems terrible and I couldn't deal with it. I won't put my physical/mental health at risk for a biological kid. I won't sue my doctor even if I regret my choice because thats immoral. I'm willing to sign a contract and as many consent forms as my doc wants from me. I wouldn't fuck with my doc's career because they gave me what I asked for.\n\nI'm thinking some of this might be too personal or that it's not really something you're supposed to talk about. Do you think I should take anything out? I feel like he might chalk this up to me being traumatized and recommend therapy instead. \n\nBackground: I'm 23, 5'0, 102lbs. I've asked 6 doctors nearby to sterilize me so far and they all refused.", "answer": "I don't know what will or won't convince someone to do a tubal ligation. I will say that if you want highly effective birth control a copper IUD is just about as effective\u2014it's not perfect, but neither is sterilization short of a full hysterectomy. Copper IUDs also have a known effectiveness of 10 years and might work indefinitely, duration shouldn't be much of a reason to pick between them.\n\nIf you do not and never want to have children, there's no inherent reason not to have a permanent procedure. For you, the convenience of not needing surgery and, maybe more importantly, not needing to convince a doctor of anything more complicated than desiring not to get pregnant *right now* might be of use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97e17h", "comment_id": "e47i8yl"}, {"question": "Medication side effects questions", "description": "I'm 24, 5'4 280lbs, white, 2 weeks, diagnosed with fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, pre diabetic and pcos. \n\nI'm on 300mg of bupropion (wellbutrin) once in the mornings, 15mg of buspirone once in the morning and once at night, zyrtec at night, along with sprintec birth control and ibuprofen 800mg for pain. \n\nThe problem I'm currently having is almost complete lack of appetite. I barely eat, often forget to, so much that my blood sugar will drop and I'll feel faint. When that happens I'll eat/drink something sugary and I be okay after a few minutes. \nIs this normal with this combination of meds? Is it okay that I'm not eating much? When I do eat it's usually something small. I just tried to eat a sandwich and could only take one bite. \n\nI'm also having a hard time sleeping; staying asleep to be more specific. I wake up several times at night and often can't go back to sleep for hours. \nI go back to the doctor on the 10th to further discuss my fibromyalgia treatment plan. I'll bring this all up to him when I do, I'm just curious at the moment. \n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "Wellbutrin can be an appetite suppressant, but usually not a dramatic one.\n\nIt's not okay not to eat at all. It is okay to eat less. There's something wrong if not eating is causing you to nearly pass out, and that deserves medical attention. \"Low blood sugar\" is rare outside of medical causes, and should be worked up. \n\nSignificant problems with sleep can go along with depression or bipolar disorder; definitely discuss this with your doctor. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88v5bu", "comment_id": "dwnus7r"}, {"question": "Possible stroke?", "description": "Age: 15. Non smoking, non drinking. Unhealthy lifestyle though. \n\nToday I woke up and felt numb, mostly numbness on my face. I googled and it says that 'Sudden numbness is a sign of stroke'. Should I be worried?", "answer": "You did not provide the required information for us to be fully helpful. That said, unless you have a serious medical condition that could cause a stroke, such as sickle cell disease, the risk of a stroke at fifteen are practically nonexistent. In any case, a stroke would usually cause loss of sensation and weakness on one side, not both.\n\nIt could be any number of things. If the sensation went away when you woke up, my guess would be lying on your face and putting pressure on it in an unusual way, but we probably won't ever know.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d6yyl7", "comment_id": "f0wj1dc"}, {"question": "Should I apologize or leave it alone?", "description": "Hey! My name is \"T\" and like a year ago I was talking to this guy and we would text and DM each other. And during this time I have never dated anyone never kissed anyone and I was scared completely out of mind, I thought I wasn't mature enough and just overthinking things. I was scared that he might want only one thing and panic and just broke all ties with him even though he has never mention anything that I was scared of .And looking back I feel terrible and recently i keep thinking about it and wanting to talk to him and apologize. I'm just don't know it's been in my head lately, what should I do?", "answer": "No need to apologize. If you want to contact him, do so and just move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ldv2", "comment_id": "dgrbe7m"}, {"question": "Should I tell a professional that I plan to kill myself in few months? Will that land me in impatient immediately?", "description": "im sorry if this isnt the right sub. i was just in inpatient a few months ago and it was very traumatic and counterproductive as most inpatients are. above all else i want to be free from institutions til i kill myself this summer/fall. would it be an automatic trip to the ER if i tell a professional this? all my friends (theyre all online) know this and ive been reassuring them i will be making the right decision, but no one irl knows. please dont tell me there is hope, i know theres hope for me and everyone else like me, but thank you for being kind.", "answer": "Where do you live? I am answering as a psychologist in the US, and will respect your request that you not be told there is hope.\n\nI wouldn't send someone to the hospital if they planned suicide \"in a few months .\" In a perfect world , impatient treatment would exist for that level of hopelessness, but in the US, the ER is only for imminent danger.\n\nHaving plan or intent is a serious concern, and does have to be explored. It is possible that as your date or timeframe comes closer , or if you make specific arrangements that increase lethality, your imminent danger would be re-assessed. You may be asked to safety plan.\n\nIt sounds like you are open to therapy since you are asking this question . What support are you looking for ? What would therapy look like to you in a perfect world?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "figraj", "comment_id": "fkhsdbq"}, {"question": "Being Forced Into Therapy.", "description": "Here's the very unusual deal. These past few years, I have developed what would look like essential tremor. (Google it)\n\nMy Doctor, after numerous blood tests, and given my past, thinks that my tremor is caused by anxiety, but I will constantly dispute that it is not, because I never feel anxious, and the shaking does not get worse when depressed (which is another cause).\n\nSo, he's forcing me into therapy due to my couple of years where panic attacks were common. Now, I have very big problems with therapy, but they are probably unfounded.\n\nCould you guys that have been forced/or opted for therapy, despite being against the idea, offer some insight to how 'good' it is? The idea of a person putting thoughts into my head bothers me.", "answer": "There is nothing about therapy that involves \"putting thoughts into \"your head. Therapists wont brainwash you. Instead, a therapist helps you recognize and understand your thoughts, and then works with you to help you control them and to engage in more rational thinking.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1fhm1g", "comment_id": "caalca0"}, {"question": "HELP", "description": "Ive liked this one guy for a whole semester but we have never been anything more than friends. Then next week he started flirting with me and it was so different then it was before. Then Friday everything felt like we went back to just friends. So it was all okay. But just when i thought we were friends he picked back up with the flirting! What should i do? ", "answer": "talk about your respective feelings. be direct. guessing and assuming wastes precious time!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj8o9", "comment_id": "dbw4iwp"}] \ No newline at end of file +[{"question": "I'm (24F) not sure what to do about my (21M) FWB/friend.", "description": "Warning for a wall of text:\n\nI've been friends with \"Matt\" for over 10 years now. Back in high school Matt and I had feelings for one another, but neither one of us admitted it. The age gap (3 years with me being older) didn't help things and it just wasn't going to happen with me going to college in the fall. We remained friends and dated other people, but lost contact for about a year.\n\nFast forward to about 2.5 years ago in the summer and I saw Matt again while he was working his summer job. We said we would find time to hang out, but it never happened. The following summer I realized this and contacted him again with specific plans to hang out. He immediately accepted and we hung out at my house. It was obvious the old feelings were coming back. We watched a movie and had pizza. The following week he bought me dinner and we went back to his house. We made out and Matt admitted having feelings back in high school. He asked me if I had feelings back in high school and I said no. I'm not sure why I didn't tell the truth, but I guess I was nervous because of the age difference back then.\n\nThe next couple of weeks were great. Matt and I went to the movies, held hands, and talked often. I was talking with a mutual (male) friend \"Rob\" one day and said how I really felt this was going to turn into a relationship. Things got awkward then and the Rob started saying that Matt wasn't interested in a relationship to his knowledge. I became extremely upset, but never addressed this and Matt didn't either. Matt was a bit distant after that, but we continued these dates and began having sex until August when we both went back to school. \n\nI figured Rob was right the entire time and while I was hurt I accepted that we were just friends. Matt dated someone else for about a month during Fall semester while I focused on school. In December we reconnected and started hanging out and having sex again until he went back to school. Everything became long distance then (Matt goes to school 4 hours away) and we continued to talk and began sexting a lot. I was content and didn't feel the need for a relationship. \n\nThis past summer we continued to hang out and have sex without defining the relationship. Things fizzled out when Matt went back to school and I started a full-time job. I was sad again, but I figured it ran it's course. Matt dated a few people but those relationships fizzled out by October. \n\nWe reconnected again in November though with our holiday schedules we couldn't see each other before he went back to school (his school has a very short Winter break). We've still been talking a lot and resumed the sexting, which we both enjoy, but this past week I feel that Matt has been distant again (we last spoke on Saturday) and I'm afraid it's fizzling out again. \n\nI texted him today and asked if he was bored of things and to let me know if this was the case and that I didn't mean this in an offensive way. So far I haven't had a reply. I'm going to give him a chance to answer but I feel that I could have made things awkward if he wasn't bored. I feel as though if Matt and I lived closer to one another he would be more inclined to a relationship, but with the distance I feel that it's hard.\n\nThe other thing I've been struggling with is that I have feelings again. I was working up the courage to tell him and talk about it about a week ago and then I felt things get distant. \n\nI'm not sure what to do now. I want to give Matt space and time to reply to me, but I also want to tell him how I feel. Matt doesn't use a lot of social media and with the amount of things I need to get out and the fact that he's 4 hours away leaves me limited to an e-mail. I want to remain friend with Matt if possible even if he doesn't feel the same. I just don't know how to approach this.\n\n(Also as an added note Matt and I have always had safe sex and we've both been STD checked recently.)", "answer": "just be verbally direct and ask him to do the same. you need definition....always.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oeud0", "comment_id": "5oeud0"}, {"question": "I want to be beaten ...", "description": "So I\u2019m not looking for relationship advice\u2014 I\u2019m just looking for insight or better understanding as to WHY do I have this sick craving to be hurt sometimes? ...\n\nFirst of all, please please don\u2019t be cruel in your comments on here. I\u2019m so broken and shattered I just can\u2019t take any more. It would take hours of reading to know all that I\u2019ve been dealing with and how much hurt I\u2019ve endured over the years, so please don\u2019t kick me while I\u2019m down. I am earnestly seeking help and understanding in hopes to find a path to some sort of healing.\n\nI have this sick urge to be beaten. Severely injured. When I was 12 yrs old i hit myself so hard I left bruises. I sought out relationships that mistreated me, and I antagonize the situation until they hurt me (mostly verbal, but some physical). And then I feel a sense of release... it\u2019s complicated because I also feel scared and guilty for knowing I deserved it, but I\u2019m terrified that I actually WANT them to lose it on me. I hate myself. I\u2019ve clawed my own face, hit my head until I nearly black out, bruised my body, and pushed buttons with the wrong people until they snap and end up injuring me. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I do avoid these situations MOST of the time, and I\u2019m actually very NON-confrontational. But when the pain gets too much, I always end up reaching a point that I WANT someone to lose control and beat the shit out of me. Then I get scared when they do lose control, but it\u2019s too late. And the pain actually feels good... I know how sick this is! But the humiliation of knowing that only makes it worse. Why am I so sick?", "answer": "Snooped and saw your other post which asks about things in Texas. I know it\u2019s a massive state, but perhaps there\u2019s someone close-ish to whatever city/town you\u2019re in. [sex therapists in Texas](https://www.aasect.org/find-professional/2/TX/T)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fhbb4k", "comment_id": "fhbb4k"}, {"question": "I NEED ADVICE", "description": "Me(17) and my ex(18) had a daughter last year. We were together for 2 years. During that time I was being mentally abused to the point where I was seriously depressed. I got better along the way. Last week he dumped me (he's done this many of times before) he told me he wanted a break and that he still loves me. Recently I have been gaining friends and trying to forget about him. He's become very abusive to the point where he came to my house wanting to beat up my guy friend. In the past he did hit me once but i brushed that off. He then gets his ex to message me spiteful things \"you shouldn't have a daughter\" \"your a f**** joke\" ECT.. I'm very scared that he may take my daughter from me as we both have equal custody. He is not a very good dad honestly. He dosnt buy her food, have her over night, has her less than an hour, dosnt buy her toys clothes. He puts plans on top of our daughter so he can go meet his \"friends\". So my question is.. is it wrong to fight for full custody? I would never ever stop my daughter from seeing her dad but at this point abusing me and giving out my number and being disrespectful to me.. I'm very scared for my daughter.", "answer": "He hits and threatens you and doesn\u2019t actually want to do the work of parenting. \n\nDo you want someone to hit and threaten you in front of your daughter? Do you want someone in her life who may hit and threaten her?\n\nYes, work as hard as possible to get full custody. Post in r/legaladvice. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72yy3r", "comment_id": "72yy3r"}, {"question": "PCOS with regular cycles?", "description": "Hello! I was told last year by my doctor that based on my blood tests- I had wonky LH to FSH ratios-, increasing facial hair and thinning hair on my crown, that I most likely had PCOS. She wouldn\u2019t perform an ultrasound as she told me it might not prove anything anyway as some people don\u2019t present with cysts. \n\nHere\u2019s the deal- even though I have a slew of other symptoms, my periods are regular, my testosterone is normal and I ovulate regularly. I know that this is not typical with a PCOS diagnosis, so I\u2019m wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed while not experiencing irregularity? Is it possible I am misdiagnosed?\n", "answer": "The PCOS diagnosis is broad. Typically, other adrenal, hormonal and thyroid conditions should be ruled out first before arriving at it, but you probably still qualify per your description. Did they check your glucose / A1Cs? I think women within normal weight ranges can still be insulin resistant. \n\nAs an aside, my understanding is that the bowel issues with luteal and menstrual phases come with excess estrogen or an out of whack estrogen progesterone ratio. Instead of just your uterus cramping, it also sends messages to your digestive tract to cramp too. I\u2019ve read that supplementing with flax can be good for this (I follow the FLO living protocol).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8qgdi8", "comment_id": "8qgdi8"}, {"question": "Anyone else just really like pacing?", "description": "Tends to make others nervous, so I generally try to keep my distance from people when I do do it but when I\u2019m lost in thought I much prefer to pace rather than sit still but others often seem to misjudge this action and think I\u2019m annoyed or anxious when I do this for some reason.", "answer": "I believe what you are doing is self-regulating through movement, which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. Rocking provides a similar relief, engaging our bodies safety systems.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ewekjc", "comment_id": "ewekjc"}, {"question": "posting on Reddit gives me anxiety - so this is me fighting that anxiety", "description": "I have been a lurker on Reddit, and many other sites on the internet for many years now. It took me years until I could even bring myself to make a Reddit account (and other accounts.) However, I could not bring myself to post anything or any comments no matter how badly I wanted to. In the past, I have posted a few things when I had been feeling brave enough to overcome my anxiety, but I always go back into hiding.\n\nThe internet, and Reddit, is supposed to offer a free medium for people to freely express and share their ideas, creations, thoughts, and opinions. Despite amazing, silly, and positive things happening on Reddit everyday, on social media there is social pressure. People wishing to get validation from others (karma, gold, upvotes, etc.) Trolls, negativity, people fighting for the top comment or post.\nBefore I even wrote this I researched and found several older /r/Anxiety posts about the same topic, and even a whole article describing how I felt.\n\nEven though I tell myself that I don't care about validation from others, that I don't care about what others think or being judged, I still get anxiety. In the back of my mind, I still have fear that whatever I have to say or do is not worth expressing. That someone has said it before, or that its unoriginal, or that it simply isn't good enough. That all of my thoughts are invalid. And because of that I shouldn't even try. Better nothing than a negative outcome.\n\nOn top of subconsciously fearing others, I fear myself. That whatever I have to say will never be perfect enough or amount to enough. That my high expectations will never be met anyway so why even try.\nAll throughout my school life, I have also struggled to complete anything (anything that involves writing or artistic projects) because of anxiety. It was either 100% or 0%. Which was not a healthy way of doing anything. This post in itself is being written and re-written for weeks now.\n\nBut at the moment, I am writing this post to try to battle those thoughts in my head. Something, anything, is better than nothing. This post is to tell my anxiety that it doesn't matter who reads this post or how I write it, just the fact that I did it. That it doesn't matter if what I write or do is perfect, or the best or the worst, or way too long, but that it exists. And that my thoughts are valid because they exist. \nAs long as am I alive, I am going to keep trying to find the courage to express myself and allow those thoughts to exist. Reddit is just one small way of doing so. \n", "answer": "Way to stray into your yellow zone! ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6okkl2", "comment_id": "6okkl2"}, {"question": "Even the briefest moment of respite can feel orgasmic", "description": "I've gotten so used to what feels like perpetually building pressure and weight in my chest, with the twisting and squeezing sensations, that when I do experience a brief moment of _not_ feeling that way (not feeling good, just not feeling _that_ way), the contrast is ecstasy. Never seems to last for more than a few minutes before I'm taken all the way back down, but those times are glorious. You know? Do you know?", "answer": "Those times are what inspire me to keep working and maintaining so that I can increase their number. Even if I only can take one step at a time, that's still one step forward, you know?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yv6j0", "comment_id": "yv6j0"}, {"question": "How to *painlessly* ghost someone?", "description": "So lately I started talking more with someone I've been friends with for quite some time and... She's not a person I'd like to be friends with. Don't get me wrong, she's a great person but we're just too different, and that makes me wish things went back to how they were, texting every other month and that's it, but I don't feel comfortable getting closer than that. \nAny suggestions?", "answer": "Ghosting is just so painful. Is there any way you could just communicate: hey I\u2019m really busy these next couple of months and I may not have a lot of time to reply back/devote to friendships. That way you kind of give a heads up that you\u2019ll be fading out. And then ideally you can just continue the fade.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hb2h9n", "comment_id": "hb2h9n"}, {"question": "Can mild alcohol consumption reduce SNRI withdrawal symptoms?", "description": "It's an odd question... I ordered a refill for my Venlafaxine SNRI today but to my surprise it won't be ready until tomorrow. With my bad judgement, yesterday evening was my last dose and I'm out of the stuff (it's now today's evening). I know that I personally can get at least nausea from withdrawal from this stuff within 12 hours of missing a dose.\n\nI've been off alcohol while on the med. Knowing that alcohol basically 'enhances' the effect of this and many drugs in your bloodstream... would having let's say 2 beers (nowhere near enough to get loopy and sick) 'bring the med back', per se, enough so to reduce the potential withdrawal symptoms?\n\nDemographics: Age 24, male, 171lbs, 6'1\"\n\nMeds I take: Venlafaxine Er 75mg - 2 months & 3 days\n\nDrink/smoke status: No drink, no smoke, no drugs, no marijuana\n\nRecent medical 'episodes': None", "answer": ">Knowing that alcohol basically 'enhances' the effect of this and many drugs in your bloodstream\n\nThat's not how alcohol works or what it does.\n\nNo, there is no reason to expect alcohol to help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "drpiud", "comment_id": "drpiud"}, {"question": "Online dating", "description": " What is the most effective way to initiate a conversation with a girl via a dating app? ", "answer": "be natural, be yourself.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67l5md", "comment_id": "67l5md"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist asked me yesterday if I cared whether or not I had emotionally connections with other people. Wanted to know how everyone else felt?", "description": "I said I did know. I think yes, but also no because it was so easy to act. I also want to get married and have children though so maybe at least with them. ", "answer": "We all need and crave emotional connection", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31au66", "comment_id": "31au66"}, {"question": "Frustrated", "description": "I have bad social anxiety and part of it is from being nervous that I'll come off as annoying \n\nI'm homeschooled due to my issues with learning (ADHD) and other mental problems (anxiety, depression, sensory issues and PTSD) but my social anxiety is a big part of it.\n\nI hate talking to kids my age and gosh my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour just writing this.\n\nThe point is, how can I convince myself I'm not annoying or stop certain things that may seem annoying? Cope?\n\nI always ramble about things and end up getting spoken over, mainly by my family. It's become a habit for my sister to tell me to shut up. (She has the same issues as well minus the sensory problems, unless she just hasn't been diagnosed)\n\nPlus I'm homeschooled so with friends it's all online and once I've just completely been shut out of the conversation I just leave or watch. \n\nThe only friend I have is my best friend Alister and even once I've ghosted him for four months we continue talking. \n\nMy psychiatrist is horrible and she still hasn't gotten me a therapist after I've asked a million times, even when we're in a session she ignores me and asks my mom how she feels about MY problems.\n\nI trust my mom but shes very extroverted and always says things along the lines of how she doesnt understand what bothers my sister and I so much. \n\nMy sister is very judgemental (in my eyes) and can't really help me out, since my mom is so protective (due to personal fears of hers) my sister even at 19 can't give me advice on how to be more social and calm down since she can't either. We can't leave the house due to me not being old enough to just wander alone and my sister not having a car yet. We went to pride last year and it was horrible just getting across the street.\n\nWhile my vyvanse helped a great deal, I am very sensitive to side effects and the mood changes are mentally exhausting, plus I can't keep taking them on time since its screws up my sleep schedule so badly and the result is the side effects coming back full force. I've even almost completely lost my appetite because of it, which as you would imagine is very scary.\n\nI cant leave and socialize since my mom and brother in law are always at work and my sister doesnt own a car. I've always wanted to skateboard but it's not safe for me to just skateboard around my apartment complex.\n\nHelp a desperate thirteen year old? \n\nP.S \n\nSorry my writing is all over the place.\n\nP.S.S \n\nI have combined type, my hyperactivity and inattentive-ness? Are equally bad though I do walk around my house all day with only a few times I sit down to draw or play games sadly never homework cause I have a breakdown just trying but I'm working on that.\n\nMy sister also has combined type though I don't know anything about her experience.", "answer": "What this dude said^\n\nI like the idea of going to the library :) and I agree getting out would be helpful! Feel free to DM if you ever want. I'm sorry I cant help more but know you aren't alone and things suck as a teenager with mental health stuff going on but it gets better. I promise! Just keep going!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aji4z5", "comment_id": "aji4z5"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [30/m] is newly obsessed with polyamory and seems to want to have open relationship. I [28/f] don't. What do I do?", "description": "My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together a little over a year, and just recently we have taken the step of moving in together (almost 1 month ago). Our relationship is really good, very few arguments and good sex, so all in all we've both been really happy. \n\n\nI took him away a few weeks ago for his birthday for a cool and slightly romantic weekend away, and he chose a moment in bed to ask whether I would ever consider a threesome or an open relationship (etc.), to which I had a few joke responses, but I soon realised he was serious and told him that actually it would be a deal-breaker for me. We had a bit of an argument about it, with me being pitted against him as being narrow minded/ him being hurtful asking me on a romantic evening, and when I asked him outright if he wanted an open relationship he said no. In the morning I thought the subject had been dropped and I put it down to him just wanting to fight or being a bit tactless. \n\n\nHowever, since then he's been mentioning open relationships a few times since and commenting about how monogamy is a social construct, and he's watching a TV series and reading a book where the central theme is polyamory, and it's making me really worry that he's polyamorous and now wants to explore that. \n\n\nIt seems really unlikely because he's slightly jealous as a person (as am I!) and often reacts negatively to news of friends being cheated on/cheating on their other halves or people flirting when they have a partner... however a lot of his friends are in their very early twenties, and a girl he used to really fancy is in an open relationship, so I wonder if that's been an influence? Additionally he's at a bit of a loose end at the moment, he has no real career direction and is unhappy with his restaurant waiting job, so I am wondering if it's some strange upshot of that? \n\n\nI am not narrow minded about polyamory but I know that I would not want that at all - no matter who I was with. I want children and a tight family unit, and I am completely unwilling to share any element of that with other people - sexual or otherwise, but there seems very little support for people leaving a relationship because of that. Everything online is about \"adapting\" and putting up with it, there's very little saying \"it's ok not to want that and to leave because of that\". \n\n\nI know who I am just as much as he knows himself, and I'm not against trying it because I don't love him enough - I just know it would really hurt me and I can't put myself through that. \n\n\nI just have no idea what to do. I worry that if I say to him \"we need to break up if this is what you really want because it's not something I want\" then he'll just lie to me and himself to keep me, and it'll all fail in the end anyway. He seems obsessed with the topic now. Help! \n\n\n\nTLDR; unsure if boyfriend's new obsession with polyamory is sincere or a reaction to current life situation, it's a deal breaker for me if it's sincere, unsure of next step. ", "answer": "the rel. will end if you're not on the same page. polyamory rarely works. you have to have ZERO jealousy potential which few people have. don't let him pressure you. go with your gut.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tt2xz", "comment_id": "6tt2xz"}, {"question": "My FB news feed has been trigger central lately", "description": "I've had to remove several \"friends\" just to stop pictures showing up. We used to be closer than we are now, so it doesn't really bother me that I won't be in contact with them any more. \n\nI'd met him originally because we had similar interests. It wasn't that surprising when I discovered he'd started going to the video game meets I'd be attending. Hell, maybe he did it to spite me. I was warned not to tell anyone, or my life would be ruined, I'd never have a friend again. Maybe it was to show me that 3 years later I don't get the luxury of safety. \n\nI never wanted to see his face again. Even hearing his name is too much. But seeing those pictures pop up out of the blue felt like a knife to my chest. I've improved in my ability to deal with triggers. They're rarely expected. But this was too much. Two nights in a row. \n\nThe face of the man who abused me terrifies me. I've always refused to use \"my\", I never want to associate him with me using possessive pronouns. I feel sick to my stomach. I remember the pain like it was yesterday. There's pressure, like I'm being crushed. I'm so scared to close my eyes because the nightmares *always* come when I get badly triggered and I don't want to remember.\n\nSometimes, I wish I wouldn't wake up from my sleep. Sometimes, I wish there was a way to erase the memories to I would never feel this way again. I've cut before, and I hate myself for it, but times like this remind me how blissful it is to trade emotional pain for physical. I won't do it, not right now, but there's a part of myself that wishes I'd give in.\n\nIt's 3am here. I'll be booking myself in for an emergency counselling session as soon as it turns 9. I won't see a therapist until 2pm at the earliest. I don't know what to do until then. It's easier in the day, people are awake and I have friends I can talk to. At night I feel so alone, so scared I won't make it to see the next day. I'll take anything. Kind words, advice, a distraction. Please, just help me make it.", "answer": "I'm sorry that you are struggling and having to go through this. I commend you for seeking help and finding someone to talk to y about this.\n\nIn the meantime I would suggest perhaps some guided meditation/.mindfulness audio guides-- you can find them on iTunes. Yoga or a brisk walk with some empowering music selections might help. Good luck. You are stronger than you know.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2gf7ox", "comment_id": "2gf7ox"}, {"question": "I have a dangerous case of Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome.", "description": "* Mid-twenties\n* Male\n* ~110 lbs\n* White\n* Duration: Mostly severe in the past three days.\n* Other Issues: Primary Chronic Insomnia\n* Meds: Zoloft and Trazodone\n\nI'm afraid that these \"brain zaps\" are going to put me in danger. I've been on Zoloft for 3 years and I've tapered down to 25mg and I've tried to stop but it ends in constant brain zaps or \"skips\" that make me fall to the ground and hit things. I wish that I could have been warned about this syndrome, I probably wouldn't have taken it. What should I do? It only happens when I stop the 25mg and that's when it's a threat.", "answer": "Sertraline isn't usually a difficult one to come off, so it's a shame you are suffering symptoms. Furthermore I can't remember a time that ive had to prescribe such a small dose of sertraline, even in the elderly!\n\nJust persist - it'll settle down eventually.\n\nIve said this on another thread - but I still find this (\"brain zaps\") a North American phenomenon that noone in the UK at least ever complains of even in direct questioning. There is a little bit of me that wonders if there is another explanation for this phenomenon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5klgik", "comment_id": "5klgik"}, {"question": "Should I block him!?", "description": "Hello, I was seeing this guy I met on tinder for about 6 weeks. really fell for him and he made me feel that, he felt the same way; Two days after we had sex, he decided to put things on hold saying he doesnt know how he feels; wants to be friends but something might happen in the future. I feel kinda used by him, I told him that and he got very offended (this was a few weeks ago) he still haven t forgiven me for it. He s still using tinder and POF. I constantly find myself checking his social media, specially his Snapchat score to see if he s talking to girls then I find myself getting upset. Should I just block him on all social media? \n\n", "answer": "Yep!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "82plz0", "comment_id": "82plz0"}, {"question": "Got a boner in therapy", "description": "Near the end of the therapy session, I was told that I was making progress which made me feel very happy and got a boner because of it. I was really embarrassed and tried to hide it the best I could but I'm pretty sure it was obvious. The thing is I get boners all the time (even though I'm in my early 20s) so I thought that I was attracted to her (along with almost every girl who has given me attention). \nAfter some thought I'm pretty sure I was attracted to the feeling of being acknowledged by a woman although I'm not sure if I wouldn't have gotten an erection if it had been from a man either. \nI'm planning to bring it up in my next therapy session. \n\nShould I tell her to refer me to another therapist? ", "answer": "Coming from a therapist's perspective, she didn't care, even if it was obvious. \n\nThat said, if you feel you should bring it up, do so. It's important to discuss any possible barriers to an optimal therapy experience. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43ir0w", "comment_id": "43ir0w"}, {"question": "Alternatives to benzos?", "description": "I find that benzos work really great for me! They help with my social anxiety, concentration, and obessional thinking. In low doses, they can improve my energy and mood. \n\nHowever, I know that they are dangerously addictive and so forth. Is there a safer alternative? Does BuSpar actually work? I tried it once, at a low dose, and I noticed nothing good or bad at all. \n\n", "answer": "Therapy", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ypp1c", "comment_id": "ypp1c"}, {"question": "What do you believe caused your emetophobia?", "description": "I recently have been spending a lot of time thinking about what may have caused my emetophobia.\n\nI am 28 now and have had generalized anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, which I have been in therapy for since I was 18. I did see a school counselor since the age of 6 for anxiety as well, before that. I don't know if GAD came first or emet. Chicken or the egg.\n\nIt almost feels like it is on the tip of my tongue what caused it but I can't pin it down. Or maybe it's a variety of things. I did have a very bad illness when I was in elementary school that lasted a week, so perhaps that was the traumatizing event. I also remember being sick in a public mall when I was little (maybe 4 or 5) and I distinctively remember my mom pulling me out of the mall sternly saying \"WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?\" in regards to me being sick. (I also remembered thinking, \"I don't know, mom! I didn't want it to happen!)\n\nI also remember an incident early on in my childhood (2nd grade or so) where I didn't want to go to school for weeks because a child in my class had been sick.\n\nFinally, my mom had a very strict parenting style. Shove all problems under the rug and appear perfect type of perfectionism needed at all times. I do believe this plays into my emetophobia because I don't like not being in control myself now, and being sick is my ultimate loss of control.\n\nSorry for the musings. I am just trying to make sense of it all. How could anxiety, especially emetophobia, happen to me at such a young age? Is it all parenting? Genetics? A mix?\n\nDoes anyone know for sure what caused their phobia?", "answer": "I've had this phobia for as long as I can remember (I'm 22 now). I think part of it is related to my older sister having IBS and being lactose intolerant from a young age. We used to share a room as kids and she would tell me about how sick eating dairy made her. I distinctly remember her telling me that it sometimes made her throw up so hard that she passed out. Likely she was just exaggerating, but that might have affected me. I also have a type A, anxiety-laden type of personality, though the general anxiety might be more of a result from the emetophobia.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5lxmup", "comment_id": "5lxmup"}, {"question": "Went to therapy for the first time. Feel even worse now.", "description": "Hi everyone, I have been struggling with anxiety and sadness for a while and decided to finally take the step and go talk to a psychologist. Now, After the session, I feel way worse than before.\n\nShe asked me a lot of questions and it felt like she could see exactly how nervous I was. For some reason, I started understating my own symptoms. ''Are you sad often?'' my anwer was: Well, sometimes, but not that often (even though I cry myself to sleep like 60% of the time). I feel like I wasn't completely honest with her, and now I am afraid that that will lead to a misdiagnosis. \n\nI am also overanalyzing the conversation way too much ''Did I say bad things?'' ''I shouldn't have said...''.\n\n\n I don't know what to do now. Is it normal or should I contact her and tell her how I feel?", "answer": "I'm a therapist as well. I always tell first time clients that it's absolutely normal, and even expected, for them to feel worse after the first session. You just spent an hour talking about really tough personal shit to a total stranger. That can dredge up some pretty intense emotions. My general rule of thumb is that if you're not feeling better after about 8 sessions/2 months, then you may be better helped by a different therapist. \n\nRegarding the diagnosis - don't give that a second thought. In therapy the diagnosis exists almost solely to give to the insurance company; it doesn't affect treatment, as we usually treat the symptoms, not the \"diagnosis.\" For example - one person's depression may look completely different than another person's depression. A diagnosis is absolutely not one size fits all. \n\nWith all that being said, therapists know that clients will typically not be completely honest in the first session, or even the first few sessions. Again, that's normal and even expected. However, after a few sessions, if you feel comfortable with your therapist, being completely honest with them is the only way to truly gain the most benefit from therapy. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5te3ni", "comment_id": "5te3ni"}, {"question": "Why is not liking feminine things a symptom of aspergers for young girls?", "description": "I was reading up on symptoms and I saw this listed. It just seemed out of the blue and so different from the other symptoms to me. It\u2019s also one of the only ones that could be explained by numerous other things. \n\nI was just curious if anybody knows why exactly this is a symptom? And is it a very common one?", "answer": "Others have basically touched on it, but to put it slightly differently, NTs, and especially NT females, are generally more conformist as a way of bonding/affiliating with each other and fitting in. People with ASD are not so driven to affiliate and fit in socially and often don't pick up on how to do so even if they wanted to. So it's not so much that girls with ASD don't like \"girly\" things, but they don't like things just because their friends do, while NTs sort of automatically like the things that those around them like as a means of affiliation.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hmife8", "comment_id": "hmife8"}, {"question": "I [21M] met her [20F] online, but she is afraid of meeting in person any help?", "description": "Little back story I suppose to start things off. I started talking to this girl awhile ago nothing serious not the kind of guy looking for a one night stand or anything so we just kinda started chatting. Which turned into texting daily for a while the thought of meeting has come up and our schedules never seemed to match up. \n\nFast forward to now we started chatting again recently our personalities still click really well, tons of laughing, flirting everything that seems like it would typically be heading to a date, there is still mutual physical attraction, but she confides in me that she is afraid to meet in person. Not something casual not a date it scares her and she doesn't know why. \n\n\nSo I'm confused on what to do I still like this girl and think that something real could come of it, but is there something I can do to help her be comfortable enough to hang out/ go on a date, or do y'all think it is a lost cause and she just needs to move at her own pace without my interaction. Thanks ", "answer": "you have to respect her pace and decide how patient you want to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptvb9", "comment_id": "5ptvb9"}, {"question": "Irritablility and short temper.", "description": "Its day one and I'm already having the problem of a short fuse. I never explode but I'm constantly at my peak of stress. Any tips to help deal with stress?", "answer": "I feel you. Today is my day one and I feel SO angry. Sad and anxious as well, but I\u2019m legitimately surprised at how angry I am", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "emvwkw", "comment_id": "emvwkw"}, {"question": "Dad passed away", "description": "I\u2019m not really sure what to even say. I just found out my dad passed away tonight. He was like me, alcoholic. Over the last couple of years we haven\u2019t really had much of a relationship as I focused my wife and my son, as well as my sobriety. It\u2019s heart breaking. 49 years old. He was kind of estranged from the family, my step mom had kicked him out because of his drinking about 2 years ago. He passed away a couple days ago alone, broken. Nobody found him until today. This affliction is a powerful bastard.\n\nI\u2019m heading up to be with the family and help arrange things. I\u2019m reminded today how thankful I am that I still have a chance at a better life. I\u2019m thankful that I am sober and I can lead my family through this. I\u2019m thankful that he\u2019s no longer in pain. \n\nI won\u2019t drink with you tonight. ", "answer": "V sorry to hear of the death of your Dad. His death sounds like a lonely place. Im glad you have sobreity and your own family to help you through. By choosing this you are planning a better life for yourself, and this can be a gift to your father. Take care. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8pqrfk", "comment_id": "8pqrfk"}, {"question": "Is it to late for Me [17/m] to tell her [16/f] how i feel", "description": "We've been crushing on each other for 2 months now and have been texting for 3 without seeing each other often (live in different towns)\nChat is starting to die out (haven't texted in 2 days)\nShe had a crush on me before but i wasn't sure back then...now when she stopped showing me attention i realised how much i miss her...Should i just come clean and tell her ? \nAnd what do i do if she plays the \"long distance relationships don't work\" card ?", "answer": "go for it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77d7ph", "comment_id": "77d7ph"}, {"question": "Is it 'Normal' to feel worse after starting therapy?", "description": "I have been depressed the last 10 years or so,t I have had better and worse periods. I have just started going to a therapist to try to figure out why I have to stay in bed for 3-5 weeks 2-3 times every year. I don't wanna do that anymore!\n\nAny who, I have had three appointments so far, but I feel worse than ever and cry myself to sleep almost every night now. Something I rarely did before. And the suicide thoughts and the lingering sensation that I am a complete failure at everything is the worst I have ever felt. Almost overwhelming.\n\nIs this therapist completely off (I really like her and feel like i connect good with her) in what she is doing with my brain? Or is this just 'normal' when first starting to go to therapy?", "answer": "When you start talking about and thinking about things you haven't dealt with, that underlie your depression, it can stir you up and make things feel worse before they start to get better. I liken it to a wound that has healed improperly and is infected. The doctor has to open it up and clean it -- which hurts like hell -- so it can re-heal properly.\n\nThe way you're feeling -- make sure you tell your therapist about it. She needs to know how you're reacting so she can help you in the right ways. You might want to give her a call before your next session and tell her what's going on.\n\nSource: I'm a trained psychotherapist (not licensed yet), I deal with depression myself, and I have had a lot of therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17cb25", "comment_id": "17cb25"}, {"question": "Why am I still here?", "description": "A person dm me and asked me why am I still on this sub. He said you\u2019ve been clean for over 2 years, you shouldn\u2019t need as much support as other who are just starting this journey. My response was this.\n\nI know how hard it is to to end this habit. I know how difficult it is when you\u2019re beginning to go through of remaining clean. I know how stressful it is dealing with withdrawals. Why not lend help to others? This sub has been supportive to me during my early journey. Why not give back? Also just because I may up the road a bit doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t use the support. I smoked for 25 freaking years. Two years clean is a great accomplishment but I\u2019m still healing I\u2019m still in recovery. Although my paws wave symptoms are spreading further and further apart by the months, I still experience them . 25 years a dam long time. Weed was my wife, my girlfriend my everything. So I understand the \nstruggle.\nSo I say guys continue to get all the support from this sub as you can. Support is needed more now than ever. Everyone here knows the struggle and can provide the strength to keep you moving ahead. Good luck to you all.", "answer": "Maintenance is just as important", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "i5wsaa", "comment_id": "i5wsaa"}, {"question": "I'm hosting a game night and potluck with my friends, but none of them know each other. What are some games I can start with as fun ice breakers?", "description": "The title pretty much says it all. This Saturday I'm hosting a party where there will be various ages between 20 and 35. I know all of these people, but most of them don't know anyone else who's going. What are some games, whether they are things I need to buy, things I can print out, or anything else that are fun games and will bring people out of their shells? This definitely does not have to be any drinking games, as I think we are slightly past the crazy party College phase.\n\nAny suggestions are completely welcome. Attach links, attach rules, names of games, Etc. Thank you so much!!\n\nTldr- it's in the title.", "answer": "Although it is a drinking game, I've always enjoyed playing King's Cup with folks in college. \n\nhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kings_(game)\n\n\nI'm a big board game nerd and there are plenty of good ones for parties. Geek Battle is a good nerdy trivia game. Secret Hitler is a lot of fun in groups. \n\n\nThe board game I've probably played the most with folks at parties recently is Codenames. It's easy to learn and a lot of fun, and can get pretty competitive. \n\n\nLastly, Catchphrase is really fun. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zlkzk", "comment_id": "8zlkzk"}, {"question": "I just started a paper that is due in less than 5 hours.", "description": "TL;DR: got distracted looking through Pinterest at Miraculous fanart, now it's 4:30 and I probably won't go to bed. Yay, me.\n\nSo, yeah, I have known about this paper since Wednesday, but I got busy doing other things (mainly internet and netflix related). Now, it's 4:30 am the day it is due, and I have been on the internet since 11:00. I have to wake up at 7:00 am. I'm probably going to end up watching netflix once I'm done with my paper, because otherwise, I'm not going to get up in time for class.\n\n*sigh* just a rant. Carry on with your day (or night, I guess). Start your homework, if you haven't already. Go to bed. Do something more productive than Reddit.\n\nGoodbye for now, everyone!", "answer": "Since it is now over 5 hours ago since you posted I hope you were able to finish it okay!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "635b91", "comment_id": "635b91"}, {"question": "Mom is in a coma/ vegitative state..", "description": "Age: 57\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\"0\nWeight: 98lbs\nLocation: toronto, Ontario \nMeds: high blood pressure, morphine for pain.\n\nMy mom had a bad fall down the stairs 10 days ago. She has been in the ICU since then, minimal use of ventilator. She came in with double the alcohol limit in her system. At first docs thought she was just passed out from the alcohol in her system. After 24 hours she still did not wake up. Just 2 days ago (7 days after injury) she opened her eyes. Her right eye is fixed staring at her nose. Her left eye is just looking around kind of pointlessly. Her galscow coma scale has been at a 3 from the first day and now she is at a 5. The docs say she has minimal brain function and by monday we will have to make a decision to take her off the ventilator and either make her as comfortable as possible and wait till she passes. Or we will have to find a long term care for her to go to. I just want to know how positive doctors can be that she wouldnt progress. Our moms wishes were never to be on a ventilator and never have anyone take care of her. So we know what we would have to do. But how positive can they be that shes not getting better?", "answer": "That\u2019s a question that only the doctors there can answer. What happened? Why do they expect what they expect? If she had a significant brain injury or bleed from the fall they may be able to give you a clear explanation.\n\nI\u2019m sorry for what you and your family are going through. It\u2019s terrible.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cfo73i", "comment_id": "cfo73i"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "72oba0"}, {"question": "Aaron Hernandez brain scan phot questions.", "description": "In [this](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/nov/09/aaron-hernandez-cte-brain-damage-photos) article showcasing the brain scans of Hernandez\u2019 brains, the doctor compares his brain to that of a normal 27 year old. What does a \u201cventricular enlargement\u201d and \u201catrophy of the fornix\u201d do/mean? Does it lead to depression/CTE/suicidal thoughts?", "answer": "The ventricles are fluid=filled spaces in the brain that provide cushioning and allow circulation of cerebrospinal fluid \\(CSF\\). Enlargement usually means general atrophy \\(shrinking\\) of the rest of the brain. \"Atrophy of the fornix\" means that the structure of the brain called the fornix is smaller. It's a large, oddly\\-shaped thing that's hard to describe, and its function also isn't entirely clear, although it probably plays a role in some kinds of memory and possibly emotions.\n\nWe don't know on an anatomic level how depression or suicidal thoughts happen. CTE is an observed phenomenon and syndrome, so you could say that these changes *are* CTE, but what that means in practical terms isn't so clear.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4wrt", "comment_id": "8e4wrt"}, {"question": "Getting a diagnosis without therapy?", "description": "Is there any possible way to do that? I hate therapy with all of my heart, not to mention it's difficult in the situation I'm in to be able to get in to it. So I'm wondering if there's a way to just get a diagnosis and be over with it? I was diagnosed a few years back with severe anxiety and clinical depression, but I'd like to be checked again. I fear some more problems may have come about, and I'd like to know if it's just me self diagnosing or if it's an actual issue.", "answer": "You could (you would want to find a psychologist who does assessment , we do not treat the people we evaluate.)\nWhat would change for you ? How would this help ? The purpose of diagnostic assessment is to inform-- something. Treatment, recommendations , and understanding of behavior, etc. If the purpose of the assessment is not useful /helpful , we likely won't do it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp80so", "comment_id": "fp80so"}, {"question": "How to be good at managing people ?", "description": "I have been the president of my school\u2019s event- organizing club and i just found out that there are people who talk shit about me behind my back. I treated them really well, i was not just their boss, i was also their friend, but sometimes i feel like that my words dont have weight and people just dont respect me enough. ", "answer": "With power comes great responsibility and often great headaches. Whenever you supervise others it's pretty much an inevitability that you're going to have people complain about you behind your back, no matter how good or bad of a job you're doing. \n\n\nAs far as managing people, you can either be their supervisor or you can be their friend. You're not going to be able to be both successfully because of the difference in power dynamics. A good \"boss\" can be friendly with those they supervise but there has to be a clear line of professionalism that doesn't get crossed by either party. \n\n\nThe problem with trying to be both a supervisor and friend is that at times you're likely going to have to assert yourself, lay down expectations, and if they aren't met, replace the person with someone who CAN and is willing to do the job. If you do this with friends, you'll probably lose them as friends, but if they know that you're not willing to, they probably won't respect your leadership.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9bj1ud", "comment_id": "9bj1ud"}, {"question": "I distrust mental health professionals.", "description": "I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD but I am about 93% sure that this is what I'm dealing with. I want to seek help and get an official diagnosis but for a long time, I've hated psychiatrist and anything similar. I don't trust them. It stems back to when I was a senior in high school. That's when my depression went into overdrive. I would disassociate in the middle of class and end up just walking out. Or sometimes I'd get so overwhelmed with emotions and the desire to die that I would walk out, find a secluded area in the school, sit on the floor, and just cry. No one knew this though. I was the happy girl who everyone wanted to be friends with. Anyway, my English teacher was the only one who picked up on it. One day, she called me up to the front of class and whispered, \"Are you ok?\" I laughed, smiled, and said. \"yeah!\" She looked at me, reached into her desk, and wrote me a slip and told me a room number to go to. Confused, I went. Turns out it was the school therapist/psychiatrist. I ended up talking to her often. She told me that whenever I felt overwhelmed, I could come to her office, so I did. Every time I walked out of a class, I found myself knocking at her door. It was amazing, because I'm the kind who likes to suffer alone. I don't talk about my problems to anyone. If I do have BPD, it is definitely the quiet type. But here was this women who I could openly talk about my problems to without judgment. It was relieving and a huge weight off my shoulders. Well, one day I decide to open up to her about my being suicidal. The conversation went well, she told me ways to cope. That was also the day she brought up her suspicions of me being either Bipolar or having BPD. Later that day, I go home, and I am greeted by my very pissed off mother who begins yelling at me. The psychiatrist called her and told her that we'd been talking, that I was suicidal and so on. I felt completely betrayed. Looking back to it, I know that she was just doing her job. If a minor tells you they're suicidal, the wise thing to do is probably tell their parents right? Well, I come from a culture that doesn't believe in mental health issues and depression. So my mom was angry. She felt that she's given her children everything so I had no reason to be depressed. I felt like crap because my mom was so disappointed and hurt that I was depressed. Anyway, I got into a lot of trouble and since that day, I never went back to see that psychiatrist. I went back to keeping everything inside and bottling everything up. I will never forget what my mom told me when I was a kid. I was emotional all the time. She said, \"People don't always need to know how you're feeling. They don't need to know when you're sad. You see how many people love to be around me because I'm happy all the time?\" And that's what I learned. When you're happy, people love you. When you show anything else but that, people don't want anything to do with you. Anyway, I haven't ever gotten the courage to see a psychiatrist again but at this point I know that I really need to. I just don't know how to get over my distrust/fear/hatred for them.", "answer": "If you threaten suicide, that's what happens. If you feel you want to hurt yourself or might hurt yourself, that's what NEEDS to happen. If you don't believe that is a legitimate risk and you just kinda 'feel' that way, that will be the response because you cannot use suicide as a coping mechanism or a way to express yourself.\n\nThe way its set up, if your family does not believe in mental health, that's not culture so much as it is neglect. Your mom can have her own tricks but you aren't your mom. And you have more emotional intelligence than her. \n\nYour individual needs outweigh cultural needs. \n\nIf you are fasting during Ramadan most will admit they have taken a snack when they weren't supposed to. And those rules do not apply if you have health needs like diabetes. This is the same thing. You have mental illness, you need help and support. Not tradition.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "buvk9c", "comment_id": "buvk9c"}, {"question": "I [21/F] found nude pics and suggestive messages on my boyfriend's [20/M] phone of other girls - how do I approach him?", "description": "Using a throwaway account.\n\nMy boyfriend and I started officially dating each other when we came to the same area for university. We had been very close at school, just friends for a long time, but I fancied him like crazy, and when I admitted it to him, we spoke all the time and sexted constantly from the March til the September we cam to uni. The bombshell is, he was in a relationship with another girl and had been fro two years. They broke up at the beginning of university, and after freshers week of him getting everything out his system, him and I settled down.\n\nRecently I have started expanding our sexual horizons and signed up to a swinging website. We both have new phones as of Christmas, so don't have any kinky photos saved on our new devices. Yesterday, I went to check my boyfriend's old phone (one which he last used before January 2016 - we have been dating since October 2014) for old pictures of me I'd sent him, and while I found that, I also found plenty of naked images of other girls. Some were from a porn snapchat as they had the advertising site on every picture, but there were loads from a girl I recognised. I realised she was a girl my boyfriend used to work with just before we started dated. They were snapchat screenshots, some with messages some not. They dated around about June 2015, so a year after we started dating. I know people are not saints in relationships, I've had my fair few of experiences having guys speak to me in a NSFW way, and on some occasions I wasn't as quick to say back off as I should have been. But I have never sent nudes to other guys while with my boyfriend.\n\nI became so paranoid and couldn't sleep last night. I had 3 separate dreams about it, meeting the girl and her acting so nonchalant about it, me confronting him and him telling me he wasn't satisfied with me. I just couldn't cope. I make a point to not go through his phone because I know how horrible it is for someone to do it to you, but I had to see. So I looked at his snapchat and he had contacted this girl last about a month ago. The chat logs for some reason were saved and I scrolled back through. Most of it was ordinary chit chat, but there were some things like her writing 'my tits are tiny' and him replying 'they're perfect', he even wrote 'I love you' at one point, and not in context of anything just friendly. My heart sank completely. What's worse is there was another girl he had been having a conversation with, a girl I had seen he had a picture of in her underwear on his phone right back in 2014 when we started dating, and there were things like 'it's just you and me tonight', and really romantic stuff - this was written back in 2015, some stuff more recent.\n\nMy boyfriend and I are very mature and serious about our relationship. We only argue and resolve big issues, bickering is kept as just that to us. He has given me a lot of stick in the past about me speaking to guys, and sometimes when he has seen or read me not telling a guy to back off when he is being a little too close or suggestive, by God do I hear about it.\n\nKnowing what I know, I messaged him while he's at work today (I'm staying at his at the moment) and said I was gonna plug in his phone and try and find old images of me. He called me straight away and said don't do that. I asked why and he said he didn't know what was on there and that he hates people looking at his devices, which I've always known, as his ex used to trawl through his stuff all the time. I said fine but I wanted to look through it with him when he got home. After about an hour of messages back and forth, and a few ultimatums from him saying if we go through the phone he wants me to leave the house (not break up just have some space) because the broken trust is too much.\n\nI have no idea what to do. I love him to pieces, and I am so hurt this has happened, but I know people can be weak. I feel sick thinking about the argument over everything, I just wish I didn't know what I know, but then again I have an awful feeling that this is just proof that the way him and I met can so easily happen to me. I just always thought well I'm better for him when he was with the old girlfriend, and now a similar thing has happened to me I feel I deserve this.\n\nWhat shall I do reddit :(\n\n\nEDIT - him and I just called and spoke on his lunch break. He apologised for exacerbating the issue further than it should have and we both said we made wrong moves with the situation to lead to us both feeling shit about it. I probed him, about one of the girls (not the one he had nudes off, the other one he had messaged) and he said to the best of his memory he had never spoken to her or any other girl in the way he spoke to me when he was with his ex, aka stalking about a relationship together and a future. He said he may have nudes of girls from the interim freshers period before we became official but he doesn't believe he has anything else. I said it upset me even more that he can't remember because it normalises that kind of behaviour, he said he didn't mean for it to be like that but honestly couldn't be 100% sure.\n\nI'm not angry, everyone has weak moments, God knows I have, and there are some things i've said and done that I wouldn't like him knowing about. But they were mistakes and we learn from them and try to be better for them - I know I haven't messed up since the first year of our relationship. By the sounds of it, his slip ups were more recent, but I'm so cautious about judging and ripping into him, especially as these two girls were past flames, and I know from experience how easy it is to slip into speaking to someone like you always did.", "answer": "just say it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64qnh9", "comment_id": "64qnh9"}, {"question": "can we talk about dissociation?", "description": "I'm just wondering what other people's experiences with dissociation are, and if there are different types? Personally, my way to dissociate is kind of an attempt to evoke/\"be\" stronger versions of myself (always male versions though - which I find interesting - I've no desire to be male IRL, just in my head) when I'm under duress of some sort, usually pain or anxiety. is this unusual? my boyfriend, on the other hand, calls it dissociation when he kind of \"zones out\", he says his eyes glaze over and he stops doing anything or really thinking anything (also in times of stress). Are we both correct in calling what we experience \"dissociation\"? what's your experience? I understand this is kind of a taboo/sensitive topic, I'm just now getting to the point where I can openly talk about it, but I'm desperately curious about it. \n\nedit: Thanks everyone for sharing, it's a fascinating subject. It's sounding to me like what I experience is different from \"normal\" dissociation somehow, and I'm going to investigate this further. ", "answer": "Like what everyone else seems to be describing, when I experience intense feelings or have too much psychological arousal my head feels kind of buzzy like there's a bunch of static. It's hard to form thoughts or focus my gaze on anything and I stare off into space. My mind stops being able to form concrete thoughts. When it happens in an argument or a fight I tend to start responding to the raw emotions and it gets hard to stop myself from saying hurtful things as I no longer can acknowledge that there are other people that are not me.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2n0h7s", "comment_id": "2n0h7s"}, {"question": "Having trouble with CBT", "description": "I've been doing CBT for a few weeks and I'm finding it is worsening my depression. For the most part, while I can come up with an adaptive response for most \"distortions\", I quickly see the adaptive response itself as a distortion. It seems like in order for reframing to work, you have to lie to yourself. \n\nFor example - I'm fat. I think people don't want me around because I'm fat. My adaptive response is - I choose to avoid people.\n\nBut that's not true! People have often treated me with contempt because of my weight. Maybe as an adult people are better at hiding it, but there's a preponderance of evidence that show that people tend to look down on overweight people. I've stopped trying to socialize with people because I'm sick of the rejection.\n\nIt's not in my head. It's really happening.", "answer": "Have you spoken to your therapist about this?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4dj630", "comment_id": "4dj630"}, {"question": "Weedless in Seattle", "description": "Hey everybody, nice to meet you. I'm here because I did a Google search for \"marijuana addiction\" and found this sub. I'm hoping I can discuss my issues here without being told that marijuana isn't addictive or that my addiction is purely mental, because neither of those is true or helpful. \n\nI know firsthand that marijuana is addictive because I'm addicted to it to the point that it's ruining my life. When I smoke, I smoke all day every day--and I usually wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night and puff to go back to sleep. I lose interest in most activities besides smoking and half-paying-attention to Netflix or playing games on my phone. Toward the end of a bender I even stop working (I do house cleaning because it's a job I can do high, yet I still stop doing it when the addiction gets bad enough). \n\nWhen I'm on a bender my weed habit costs me around $600 a month, sometimes more. I don't have $600 a month to spend on weed, so I stop paying my bills. It finally got so bad I had to move back in with my parents (to really drive home how pathetic this is, I'm forty-fucking-two years old.) \n\nI've also developed a chronic cough and throat problems from burning my throat raw. I tried switching to a vaporizer because of this but I didn't get the same quality high I do from smoking out of a bong. I used to be in pretty good shape but I've put on probably 25 pounds due to the munchies and the general \"fuck-it\" attitude I get about everything. Can't pay the bills? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Friends are slowly drifting away because I never go out anymore? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Craving McDonald's even though I'm cultivating a pot-belly that makes me look 3 months pregnant? Fuck it, getting high feels good, and when I'm high, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING except getting high and feeling good. Or good-ish, as my tolerance builds and it starts to be more about maintenance.\n\nPart of the reason I moved in with my parents, in addition to finances, is that I thought it would be harder to get high around them. But addicts find a way, don't they? About 2 months after I moved in with them I started smoking again--I just go park in a shopping mall parking lot where I'm one of a thousand cars and no one will notice me, and I'll get high until I know my parents have gone to bed. \n\nFor the past 10 years I've never been able to quit for more than about 3 months at a time. I think once I quit for 6 months, but there will always be some incident where I say \"Oh just one puff,\" or someone has it at a party and I'm like \"I'll just smoke tonight at the party,\" but as any addict will tell you it's never \"just one.\" Ever. \n\nI'm posting today looking for some support to help me keep the fuck off the pot. I've actually been to a Marijuana Anonymous support group but it was awful and I can't go back. A room full of 30-40 people all reminiscing about how awesome it is to get high and play video games. The two times I went, I went directly to the dispensary afterward and got high and played video games. \n\nA big part of my problem too is that I have depression and anxiety that are sometimes severe. I've tried antidepressants, diet, exercise, the only thing I've ever found that effectively removes the depression and anxiety is weed, which does it instantaneously. I can literally feel the peace wash over me and through my body when I smoke. So yeah, weed does do something good for me--at the expense of robbing me of everything else that makes life worth living--my home, my friends, my productivity, my pleasure at anything else besides getting high. \n\nI hate that this is what I've turned my life into. And yet. I have my coat on and my keys in my pocket to head to the dispensary right now. I quit for the 800 trillionth time about 2 weeks ago, but Jesus do I want to go get some. I'd say that want is hovering at around 85%. The fucker's in my head right now, \"Just one puff--just get a $5 nug and smoke that and be done. Come on, you know you want to. You know how good it'll feel. It's been a couple weeks since your sorry ass tried to 'quit' so that first hit's going to feel fucking amazing.\"\n\nI know this is a little rambling. Thank you for listening. ", "answer": "Hey there, fellow Pacific Northwesterner here. Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at the meeting you tried! I'm not in Seattle but I know some folks in the Seattle marijuana anonymous fellowship who are good people, I hope you'll consider trying out a different meeting because they are usually not like that! Welcome and best of luck to you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8gc5sc", "comment_id": "8gc5sc"}, {"question": "My mom's food has live maggots in it. What should I do?", "description": "I'm visiting my mom for Christmas. She and her husband live like slobs; the compost bin was open when I got here and that's not an isolated incident. They also leave snack bags and boxes open or loosely \"sealed\" with clothespins, feet away from the compost. I've always been grossed out by this but I never saw any maggot until today. I had finished off a box of crackers when I noticed a maggot \"skin\" in the bag. I immediately dumped out the remainder of the bag into a sealable bag, and sure enough there's a live maggot with black spots on its head just hangin' out in there. I sealed it and left it on the counter.\nIs there some organization I could/should call to report this? I looked up what to do when you've eaten maggots, and it says it's fine unless you get sick, but I've had a bad cold for a few months already and I take mediation that causes diarrhea and nausea. Regardless, I'm more concerned with the squalor that the kitchen and pantry are in. These people prepare food every day on these counters and think cleaning it means wiping with a cold wash rag. They have an 18-year-old son living here and regularly host holiday parties here. I don't know how my mom will react to this, and anything I say to her husband is immediately interpreted as a threat. So if I can call someone they interpret as an appropriate authority who'll tell them/make them clean their shit up, I'd like to know who.\n\n21, male, 6'1\", 250 lbs, Caucasian, N/A, Eastern Missouri, long-term cold, escitalopram\n\nEdit: I guess it's also a good idea to ask about a recommended course of action regarding the maggot(s) I ate, since I'll have no way of knowing whether they're making me sick or if it's something else. I feel really nauseous right now but that's probably just from the conscious knowledge that I've eaten live maggots.", "answer": "With most behaviours, things only change if there are sufficient consequences to it. I don't know if threats of not coming home for Christmas would make much different. I suspect that things might only change if/when they suffer significant health consequences to their lifestyle choice.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5k2ax5", "comment_id": "5k2ax5"}, {"question": "Can i have medication for two things at once?", "description": "I have anxiety which I strongly believe is what caused me to be derealised (I'm in a constant derealised state). I also have depression but I've made a choice that if I can only have meds for one issue then I'll choose anxiety because it seems to have a bigger effect on my life than depression. Any advice would be really awesome :3", "answer": "One of the major classes of anti-depressants, SSRIs, can be quite effective for anxiety symptoms, too, so that may knock out two birds with one stone! But like the previous person said, a lot of psychiatrists are happy to prescribe an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety! I believe they will frequently do that in the case of someone who has panic attacks. Some anti-anxiety drugs are addictive, so they can only be taken on an as-needed basis.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "73ocgv", "comment_id": "73ocgv"}, {"question": "Friend thinks PTSD is a choice", "description": "Hi everyone! I do not mean to be rude in any way, more asking for help. I have a close friend whom I've known for a while. Recently we got into an argument and he said that we are in control of how we react to events and that basically having PTSD is a choice. Meaning the person had an opportunity not to get it if they are not strong enough. I think it's a complete bs obviously but since i dont have a degree in psychology or experience with it, i wanted to write here for support. Thank you!", "answer": "Psychologist here. Your friend is ignorant.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "hpsmv1", "comment_id": "hpsmv1"}, {"question": "Are Vitamin IV drips useful?", "description": " \n\n* Age 52\n* Sex F\n* Height 5'8\"\n* Weight 180 (goal weight 150)\n* Race W \n* Duration of complaint: several weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body): whole body\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any)\"cholesteral meds and reflux \n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)\n\nJust had in depth comprehensive whole body medical tests and other than needing to lose some weight everything is functioning in excellent levels and no real issues that aren't age related. (Some arthritis in knee from surgery) \n\n\nI give myself Vit B12 shots. I cannot take NSAIDs. I am likely dehydrated at lot of the time. \n\n\nDo the IVs offer by various lounges do anything other than have a placebo effect? \n\nI've tried it twice and the first time I felt much better. The 2nd time I wasn't sure if I noticed any difference. \n\nI'm just worn down. Wake up feeling dehydrated. \n\nI am dieting (no sugar, no processed carbs, no potato or pasta, portion control) Logging food but only lost 6 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks.\n\nI am exercising (walking 5-6 miles 5-6 times a week and a bit of yoga and pilates) \n\nSo -- would it be worthwhile to get a vitamin/electrolyte/magnesium IV once a week or so? \n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Largely placebo effects. Unless you\u2019re profoundly deficient or have pernicious anemia and your gut can\u2019t absorb B12, pills are as good as injections. The same is true for most vitamins\u2014we obviously need to be able to get them by mouth or prior to IVs all humans would have been deficient and died. In fact, unless you have a definite deficiency it\u2019s not a good idea to supplement vitamins. I don\u2019t think good data exist for IV forms, but vitamin pills seem to slightly increase all-cause mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "am8e0k", "comment_id": "am8e0k"}, {"question": "Im 20/F and never been in love. My last crush was 4 years ago. I'm starting to feel restless and left behind is anybody in the same boat?", "description": "I've been on a total of 2 dates and sometimes I feel restless. Like my life is going by without me. Reading manga makes it worse because all the characters are teenagers experiencing their first love. Sometimes I feel like I need to hurry up and fall in love or just date someone to get it over with. Does anybody else feel the same way? I don't feel broken just...annoyed I gues", "answer": "maximize chances for conversation. social activities and dating sites. keep finding new people to talk to. it will happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68z8qc", "comment_id": "68z8qc"}, {"question": "I [27/F] don't know what to do about my relationship with my dad [60/M]", "description": "So my dad and I have always been close, particularly since my mother [deceased 2015] had severe mental health issues all of my life.\nI feel like my dad raised me to basically fill in the gaps of her role as wife and mother, although he sees me as his daughter and there's never been anything physical outside of hugging between us, someone that I spoke to recently said it's called 'emotional incest' when a parent relies on a child to fill adult emotional needs.\nI'm 27 now and have never been in a relationship. In fact, the most intimate I've ever been with a guy is the casual greeting hug/kiss or a childhood peck on the cheek. \nMy dad has always been incredibly overprotective of me and has given me mixed messages about guys. He's basically had a Gandalf 'no guys shall come near my daughter' type of thing for most of my life, and told me at different times throughout the years that either I couldn't date, or most recently, wasn't ready to date, even though he told one of my best friends at my 21st that he wanted me to bring a guy home and said told me he was preparing for grandkids a couple of months after mum died.\nI know I should talk to him about this, but I'm open to whatever advice people have, particularly if they can relate to this situation.\nI've also been seeing a therapist for the past 6 years who's helped me deal with a lot of other behaviours relating to my upbringing, but have just started trialing someone new to get a fresh perspective on things but don't have another session with her until next week.\nI don't know how to be comfortable around guys and tend to take the smallest bit of attention/validation/kindness to mean something more when that's all it is and I become obsessive about it until someone new comes along or my fixation on that person gets boring.\nOnline dating seems to be pointless as I'm terrified of letting someone get close to me, so even though I've had a fair few people contact me, I've done nothing about it and feel stuck in my current predicament.", "answer": "Hello, I'm a therapist and I'm 65 (yikes, 65?), and a Dad and a Grandfather). Anyway, the more important issue here I think is that it sounds like you'd like to meet a nice guy, but you're shy about it and don't have much experience. (By the way, the concept of emotional incest is an extremely, poorly worded phrase. Who thinks up this stuff?) So please exit your friend's poorly chosen words from your mind.)\nThere are 2 primary ways to meet people. Joining social/recreational activities, and online dating. Most people don't go about online dating properly. The beauty of online dating, is that you get a chance to have a conversation with a zillion guys from the comfort of your kitchen. Finding 'the one' is a numbers 'game'. The more you meet, the better your chances. The reason arranged marriages were so prevalent way back when was that there was no opportunity to meet someone on your own. \nIf you want to try. here's what I suggest\nStep 1. Go on a dating site like match or okcupid. Be very clear about the type of person you're looking for in your profile, and clear about your values. You'll get a zillion winks/messages. Delete every one that mentions sex, or bodies, etc. Read their profiles carefully. Then write back within the site, not your email. Write back and forth around 6 times, and ask important questions about family, values, goals, careers, kids.....Do not tell them your last name, or give them your phone number, or tell them anything that identifies you.\n2. if step one goes well, talk on the phone. you call them, and block your number. do that a bunch of times. if that goes well...\n3. meet them for coffee in a public space in the daytime. if you want to be extra cautious, park your car a few blocks away.\n4. if that goes well, you're ready to date. and by then, you've garnered more information, in a safe, controlled manner, than any dating process in the history of boy-meets-girl. (in the past, someone's best friend would fix them up with their favorite first cousin for a blind date. vinny would then show up at your door, straight from prison, because your friend thought he just moved here from seminary school in kalamazoo!)\nanyway, you get the idea. go SLOW. be SAFE.\nAs for your Dad, when you bring a sweet guy home one day, he'll get with the program because he'll have to. It's your life!\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0dqi", "comment_id": "5q0dqi"}, {"question": "Haven\u2019t lost my debit card or credit card in six months!", "description": "But I have lost....4 switch games, a cuticle cutter, a key to my job, one slipper...", "answer": "I also have one slipper missing!! Haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "hc6uvo", "comment_id": "hc6uvo"}, {"question": "Who here likes buying on Etsy?", "description": "Hi, I really like to shop for stuff on Etsy since they have a lot of unique vintage, handmade, and fair trade products. I like collecting vintage and retro style or handmade plush toys, and also rubber squeeze toys, and they have lots of older or handmade toys that I like. I may have only shopped in there 3 or 4 times, but I have been able to find all sorts of unique toys and stuff on there, like crocheted toys, soft rubber squeezable squeaky animals like birds and other stuff for me some of which can help me with stimming and the like. They sell all sorts of unique stuff I couldn\u2019t find on Amazon or eBay.\n\nAnyone else here like shopping on Etsy?", "answer": "I love etsy! So much unique stuff on there. I especially like shopping stuff from other countries.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hcv56s", "comment_id": "hcv56s"}, {"question": "Text exchange with therapist before first appointment", "description": "Is this too casual an interaction with a therapist before an initial consult?\n\n&#x200B;\n\n(background: I texted her a few weeks ago and her fee was too much so I stopped responding)\n\nFirst texts a few weeks ago:\n\nHer: I hesitate to contact you again yet want to say I am concerned. Maybe you're meeting with someone else and that's fine. If, however, my fee was what turned you away and you still want a consultation, I will discount it to whatever you can pay. Mostly, I just want you to be able to get your consult\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMe: It was the fee. sorry for my unresponsiveness\n\n&#x200B;\n\nher: Thanks for letting me know. I was concerned. I thought I was clear I'd adjust my fee but probably wasn't clear enough. I would have been glad to adjust it down to up to 50% if I felt you really wanted to work in therapy and needed it. I just can't really advertise that without knowing whats going on. Feel free to reach out if you need to. I'll be thinking of you.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo I reach out today because I need a new therapist:\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI ask her what the fee will be. She said I can pay whatever I want and we can discuss in person a fixed rate. I said I could do $50 she said she hopes it can be raised to $75 or $100 eventually (the market rate is high where I live) so I get that.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI then told her I might be able to ask my parents for financial help but want to avoid that if possible but that I will know what I can do fee-wise at our first appointment.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe then says to wait until we talk to ask them for help so she can understand the story first. Well she said in these words \"you're not going to talk to your parents before our first appointment are you? I'd like us to talk first. So wait until I understand the story a bit at least!\"\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo my questions are- 1) is all this texting too casual before an initial appointment . 2) is she having an authoritative tone a bit? 3) is she giving me unsolicited advice about my parents? 4) how can someone I have never met be concerned. She said concerned twice\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis is my 6th therapist. I am getting so frustrated finding a good fit. And obviously have worse trust issues now than when I started this process\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks for any advice", "answer": "1) maybe a little too casual?\n2) it certainly does sound like an authoritative tone\n3) yes\n4) she could be concerns about her losing a potential client (you) or should could be concerned that you are in such dire need of help but have no resources that you may die if she doesn't see you.\n\nAll in all, it sounds like the therapist is willing to discount a consult (which is nice) a consult is a one-time (or maybe two or three) thing and actually makes up much less money than the established fee. \n\nFinding a new therapist is *incredibly* frustrating. Sorry :(", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ae1hs3", "comment_id": "ae1hs3"}, {"question": "Can you get over someone if you\u2019re still talking to them?", "description": "My bf (21/m) and I (20/f) recently broke up after a year and a half together - not for lack of love, but mostly timing and compatibility. He\u2019s not very good at keeping girl friends at a distance or prioritizing me, and I have trouble with putting double standards on him. We are each other\u2019s first love (and relationship) and have some hope that we may get together again in the future, but that\u2019s a long time from now.\n\nI moved away two months ago and now we live 2.5 hours apart. We still text at least once a day but I\u2019m having a hard time controlling myself when I want to text him. I haven\u2019t made friends yet since moving and he was my best friend for the past year, so even now I find myself reaching out to him maybe a little too much. It might make perfect sense to distance myself, but I have no one else to talk to. He\u2019ll also text first half the time. We have a Snapchat streak as well and are pretty updated with each other\u2019s lives. The only thing I\u2019ve forbidden is talk about any girls that he\u2019s involved with in the future. \n\nOn top of that, I\u2019ve become depressed. For the past two years I lived away from home and was independent. I figured out who I was and I loved the city and school I was in. But then I had to move back home due to family issues and it\u2019s been downhill for me since. My family is the reason I left two year ago. Now I\u2019m back in the same house I despise, with a very stressful family, in a city that\u2019s no longer my home, going to a school that I hate with WAY too many people that I know from before I left. My ex-bf is the most positive person I know, so I hate talking to him about all my negativity. But then again I have no one else to turn to because I haven\u2019t made friends since I\u2019ve transferred schools. It\u2019s a really tight spot. \n\nWhat do you guys think? Is it okay for me to wait until I make friends to distance myself more? Is it possible to move on (however slowly) if you\u2019re still talking to someone you love? Neither of us want to completely disappear from each other\u2019s lives.\n\nPS, this is my first post and I think I followed all the rules; if I haven\u2019t, please let me know so I can fix it. Thank you. ", "answer": "Usually not. It's like scratching an itchy scab. You bleed all over again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73bw50", "comment_id": "73bw50"}, {"question": "I am addicted to the number 86", "description": " \n\nI just created this account to seek help here on reddit. Also, English is not my main language so bare with me.\n\nSo for about 3 months ago I started to like numbers more and more, I've never really liked numbers in this kind of way but 3 months ago I was out shopping with my friend, as we passed Burger King I saw this ad that had the number 86kr on it, now I know this sound wierd, but that 86 got stuck in my head for the whole day. I went home and started to calculate numbers so it became 86. (43+43=86) (33+55=86) and etc. I could not stop for the whole day, and I had a hard time sleeping because I kept trying to calculate in my head numbers that became 86.\n\nI thought this was something that was going to go away in some weeks or a month.\n\nNow fast forward 3 months to now, I still dream about the number 86 in my dreams and I dedicate my days to the number 86, I go out and try to find the number 86 on things like ads, newspapers or buildings. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel that my health is getting worse, I sleep very badly but I still manage to get around 3-4 hours of sleep every night. First thing I do when I wake up is to start calculating. I've renamed all my contacts to \\[Their name-86\\] so I can see it everytime I'm about to call someone.\n\nI really need help, but I do not want to go to some kind of doctor as I will probably be locked up or something. I don't know, but I just need to help myself somehow, and that is why I am here to seek advice.\n\nI understand how this can be seen as a \"trollish\" post and I can't really help that, hopefully someone believes me and will help me with my problem.", "answer": "Hey guys, just a reminder that some countries and cultures have really prejudice and discriminatory views of mental health. Sometimes in these situations, openly disclosing mental health concerns can put a person at risk for much more than a disagreement amongst family. I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s OP\u2019s situation, but they have made it pretty clear that formal treatment doesn\u2019t feel like an option right now. \n\nOP - While I can\u2019t suggest at a diagnosis, what you\u2019re describing appears to fit the definition of intrusive thoughts, which can be a symptom of several different disorders. You might want to do a bit of research on the topic of intrusive thoughts and see if you can find info that\u2019s relevant to what you\u2019re dealing with.\n\nOther online forums/subs where people discussing coping skills/skill building might be helpful. \n\nYou could also look into \u201cself help\u201d type workbooks that are made for individual learning of coping skills. \n\nFinally, if it\u2019s safe and available, you might also consider online therapy. While it can offer greater confidentiality, you obviously know your situation best. \n\nI wish you luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9e6d9", "comment_id": "c9e6d9"}, {"question": "Single mom", "description": "How do i tell my son that his dad left us. Because he has cheated on us for 6 years and i have had enough of it.", "answer": "How old is he?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qeiiw", "comment_id": "5qeiiw"}, {"question": "Hyperfocus: Who do you all listen to on (literally) non-stop repeat?", "description": "Ever since Eminem dropped his Kamikaze album (\\~August 31, 2018), I've been **shoved** back down the rabbit hole. Not only am I listening to it on repeat, I'm obsessed with deciphering the bars and analyzing the flow. I've been a huge fan of his since I was seven, which is probably why the nostalgia hits me and makes me listen to his 5hr 59 min \"Best Of\" Spotify *D A I L Y*. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nApparently musical hyperfocus is rampant among individuals with ADHD, so post the artist(s)/song(s) you can't seem to get out of your head in the comments! Maybe I'll listen to them and break this spell. Bonus points if you're actually listening to them right now :P", "answer": "I haven\u2019t landed on someone new yet. I went through like a six month phase where all I listened to was Ariana Grande. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab3e6s", "comment_id": "ab3e6s"}, {"question": "Can you get PTSD from something that\u2019s not actually bad?", "description": "I was molested when I was a kid, but had no memory of it. Last year, I got into a sketchy sexual situation that eventually got me diagnosed with PTSD. However, that doesn\u2019t make sense to me, because the more I think about it, and the more I learn about actual rape, the more I\u2019m certain what happened to me was not rape. But- it did trigger my memories of being molested as a kid, which I had been repressing until that situation. So even though I made up what happened (or at least, hugely exaggerated how bad it was) can I still have PTSD? I didn\u2019t make up the symptoms, even though I made up the event. But I\u2019m worried that since I was unable or unwilling to share the details of what actually happened last year, and could only manage to say \u201cI was raped\u201d (but now I know I wasn\u2019t) that the person diagnosing me *thought* something awful or life-threatening happened to me when it didn\u2019t. Does that mean my diagnosis is a lie, too? I am certain if I shared the truth about what happened that it would not qualify as rape. Not in a minimizing or denial way- it just genuinely doesn\u2019t count. Can I still have PTSD? Or do I have to re-think everything? I read on the internet that PTSD can develop from false memories, too. Mine isn\u2019t a false memory so much as a lie projected onto a regular bad memory. But can I still get PTSD from it?", "answer": "It's always possible you had PTSD the whole time from childhood but that you didn't realize it. When you have PTSD, you can have associated PTSD symptoms triggered by something that isn't necessarily a stereotypical traumatic event but one that resembles the initial trauma. When this happens, it may become apparent you have PTSD caused by the initial event that just didn't become known until symptoms were triggered by a similar event in the future.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgio57", "comment_id": "cgio57"}, {"question": "I think about my trauma non stop. What can I do?", "description": "I was diagnosed about 6 months ago and I can\u2019t see my therapist anymore. I literally wake up and go to sleep with the trauma on my mind. Is there anything I can do to stop this or even think about it less? ", "answer": "Training your brain is just like training your body - it takes effort, time, and is best done starting off slow. If there is anything you already know of that takes your mind off your trauma, even for a few minutes, you can start intentionally using that several times a day to train your brain to focus. Expending this by a few minutes at a time and/or doing it more times per day will help. \n\nYou can also play around with other things that might occupy your mind - singing a song, counting steps, doing a physical exercise, reading a book, playing Sudoku, etc. Some things will work for you and others won't. Yoga and meditation are awesome and frequently the two best methods for mental training long-term, but they can be challenging to get started with if you're really struggling with having repetitive thoughts. This is a tough skill to develop, when you're already mentally and emotionally exhausted, it's good to remember this and be patient with yourself throughout the process. Good luck!", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "98kcqt", "comment_id": "98kcqt"}, {"question": "Should I tell a girl at work that this girl likes her without knowing if she's gay or not?", "description": "There's this girl who's really nice really friendly. To everyone at work. She is biracial really pretty really outgoing. But she was like trying to say she really likes her thinks she's pretty. The thing was they were talking about her as if she liked women in some sort. I never really talked to her only twice. She's really friendly to me which makes me think she's not gay because lesbians don't generally like me like as in my existence. We don't normally get along. I am basically part male biologically. I give off that vibe because mentally that's all I am. So yeah yesterday I started to tell her the girl next to me liked her. But I didn't want to offend her if she was straight. I even started saying you remember that girl you talked to yesterday and she was like what girl. She didn't even remember her. So I felt I should leave it alone. Should I have?", "answer": "You should never really tell anyone someone likes them unless that person gave you permission to tell them. That's pretty much the straight forward answer all sexual orientation issues aside. \n\n\nIf you were close with this girl who says she likes this other girl to you. Telling the other girl or anyone else about this could be outing her as a lesbian or however she identifies. This is really inappropriate as despite saying this to you, she may not be ready to be out with other co-workers. \n\n\nI'd advise keeping it to yourself unless the girl specifically asks you to let this girl know she likes her. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95n6l0", "comment_id": "95n6l0"}, {"question": "My girlfriend (25F) and I (28M) ended a 5.5 year relationship because she wants a baby in the next five years.", "description": "We didn't have the perfect relationship and in the beginning I was coming off of another long term relationship. But over the past five years we've been through so much and she was honestly my best friend, she was my person. She was my go to, my lover and other half. But she wants to know if I want kids, and she says she wants them by 30-35. I do understand these urges, and that girls do have a biological clock. But I couldn't lie to her. Given a lot the findings I have about the world, my career, cost of living and education, my thoughts on children are uncertain and she needs more than that. In addition I just bought a house we were about to move into together. But the other day we had a huge talk which ended up in us understanding that I couldn't give her an answer and she and I felt we couldn't continue our relationship like this. We had separated for 2 months in July over the same issue but got back together because we love each other. I guess I'm just wondering what your thoughts are about needing to commit to children by the time your thirty.", "answer": "better now than after wasting more time with someone who doesn't have the same life goals", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oukx2", "comment_id": "5oukx2"}, {"question": "In recent months I've been able to rationalize WHY I am getting a response out of an stimulus and I can think through why I shouldn't be but the responses keep persisting.", "description": "For example, I have this weird thing with my introversion where I start speaking in a monotone when I've \"run out of steam\" or this past week when an incident occurred between my father and I, leading to me having to leave the house for several days (the first time I had to leave for such a reason.) I knew I could just go to my best friend's house and I knew I had the means to get along just fine for months if the situation really required it but I had this horrible feeling in my gut and my heart would have spurts of heavy fast-paced beating for most of the first two days being out of the house. I'm aware of my anxiety and of occasional depressive episodes (counselor is hard pressed to call it anything more because most of not all instances make sense given the context of the situation) but when stuff happens and I know it's happening I still can't seem to exert much short term control over it. Is it possible to do so or is it something I need to just bring up and let a professional decide if I need medication for?", "answer": "Why not see a professional and find out?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3z2gyl", "comment_id": "3z2gyl"}, {"question": "Sadness over the Etika incident", "description": "So I learned about what happened to Etika recently and it's so small but I can't stop feeling so sad and awful that he killed himself and I just need some tips to be happy again and not get myself too hurt about it", "answer": "First off, it's totally normal to feel sad about what happened. Sadness is natural. Just about every human being will feel sad at some point. Emotions are built-in, so to speak; they're biological, they're a part of the human body. You can feel it in the tightness of your chest, the pit of your stomach, whatever. Allow yourself to feel that sadness. Acknowledge it, acknowledge how you feel in the present moment, physically and mentally. Say it out loud, post about it here, write down what you're thinking and feeling. Don't let yourself simply deny that you are sad - that leads to other problems. It's okay to be upset, it's natural.\n\nWe're not meant to be happy all the time - there is no real \"default\" emotion - our emotions are constantly changing. The good news is that sadness will not last forever, it will pass with time.\n\nIn the meantime, make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eating some relatively healthy meals, drink some water, getting sleep if you need it, take a break, reach out to talk to friends, take a walk outside if you can. Find some things that bring you joy - I like to watch comedy shows when I'm feeling really down, I find that laughter helps me a lot. But you may have some other activities that bring you comfort. Try not to just sit around doing nothing - if you have nothing else to do, write your thoughts down in a journal.\n\nTake a deep breath, and feel the air entering and leaving your lungs - this too shall pass.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c5n6ti", "comment_id": "c5n6ti"}, {"question": "ERP for OCD", "description": "I am new to this sub and am a bit shocked by what I've read so far because I have not seen anything about ERP. I have OCD and see an ERP therapist. ERP stands for Exposure with Response Prevention. It is the most effective way to treat OCD. I see a lot of reassurance seeking and giving, which only feeds our OCD. I wanted to share this with you to try and help folks that don't know about it. More information can be found on the International Foundation for OCD website. ERP saved my life. Hang in there. ", "answer": "Thanks for posting this. Yes, ERP is the best treatment for OCD, and more people should be taking the risk to try it. \n\nGenerally, the r/OCD sub is used for people seeking reassurance or asking whether what they're thinking is normal or OCD, unfortunately. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "7lpg3a", "comment_id": "7lpg3a"}, {"question": "Me and My Roommates Don't Want Our Cat", "description": "Her name is Smokey and she's old and senile. We don't want her anymore for a number of reasons. When one of my roommates, M, moved in, his dad forced him to take Smokey with him because his dad refused to house her anymore (bad sign).\n\nThe worst of our problems with her is that she rarely, if not never, shits in the box, she shits *next to* the box. And to make this problem even worse, her bowels are some kind of fucked-up, so half the time that she shits next to the box, it's diarrhea.\n\nWe don't know if it's Smokey, or Archer, or both, but someone keeps pissing on M's bed. Also, to help keep Smokey from shitting on the kitchen floor near the cat box in there, M has taken it upon himself to put a cat box in his closet, which is by itself a crappy thing to have to do. And get this: when smokey shits near the box in M's closet, she tries to cover it up with litter from the box, making an even bigger mess.\n\nShe doesn't get along well with our other cat, Archer. Archer's young and just wants to play with her, but she's an old fart that just cat-slaps and hisses at him. Also, she's one of those skiddish cats that lives in perpetual fear of everything that moves and makes noise. This makes it even more difficult to love her and also explains why she just doesn't seem happy; I've never seen her asleep.\n\nSo it's obvious why we don't want her: she's not an enjoyable cat to have in the house and just causes more needless stress for us. But we can't just give her to a shelter because it's very likely that no one else would want her either. She'd probably just waste away in there and get euthanized once she's too old. I'd rather us not get her euthanized ourselves, that would make us feel awful even if it's morally permissible.", "answer": "bring her to a shelter NOW. someone will want her", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z90j8", "comment_id": "5z90j8"}, {"question": "What are your thoughts on people who claim to be so allergic to water (H2O molecules) that they have an allergic reaction whenever they take a sip of water but don't react to the water already in their bodies?", "description": "I read on the news about a woman who says she's deathly allergic to H2O. She looked to be in her 40's.\n\nShe says she cannot even drink a SIP of water without going into anaphylactic shock and even goes on to say she cries herself to sleep every night.\n\nShe says that she can only drink orange juice or coca-cola (which do her no harm) since they have no water in them and now lives life happily despite not drinking any water. She is also on disability and another one of her press photos is of her holding a bucket of epi-pens. She says she just suddenly became allergic to water one night.\n\nI mean you can be allergic to peanuts so why not H2O? I remember I was seeing a new ''I'm allergic to H2O so bad even taking a sip of water will kill me'' every month on sites like the Daily Mail especially. I've seen science channels on YouTube say it's possible to be allergic to the H2O molecule in itself and you can suddenly become allergic, just like how people can suddenly become allergic to peanuts.\n\nI've even seen the Daily Mail articles get referenced on government based medical websites such as the national biomedical website, saying in more severe cases even drinking a sip of water will be dangerous for them. These people also say that water in the skin causes them to come out in rashes and they posted the photos of these rashes. There's a condition called Aquagenic Urticaria but it doesn't say it's from H2O itself, but water causing a water soluble allergen on the skin to dissolve so it's a substance on their skin they're reacting to not the water. But it doesn't explain these people who also say they cannot even drink a sip of water without needing an epi-pen to save their life.\n\nA guy said his teacher was allergic to water though there were numerous occasions when we saw her have an allergic reaction? She wasn't allergic to the water in her body. She only had a reaction when she drank some. She would be fine if she mixed it with Orange juice or Grape Juice. As long as it wasn't plain water.", "answer": "1. Cola, orange juice, and all other beverages contain water. Lots of water.\n2. H2O is too small a molecule to be recognized as a foreign material by the body. Regardless of whether it would be instantly lethal, and it would, it's biologically impossible. Antigens, the molecules or pieces of molecules recognized by the immune system, are on the order of 10 times larger than water molecules at minimum.\n3. This is a silly tabloid story with no grounding in reality. It's on the same level of plausibility as alien abductions. Less, really; we can't prove that aliens didn't come, but we can definitely know that this situation is impossible and is, at best, a gross misunderstanding of allergies and the symptoms someone has.\n4. Please stop posting about this over and over. You get the same response every time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w0q82", "comment_id": "8w0q82"}, {"question": "Certification in DBT?", "description": "(Direct links removed)\n\nCan anyone provide a verification that these are the primary organizations for those seeking certification?\n\nTraining: behavioraltech\n\nCertification: dbt-lbc\n\nDBT-Linehan Board of Certification, Certified DBT Clinician\u2122\n\nAny roadmap or advice for certification?", "answer": "The other responses are correct in that those are Marsha Linehan's, developer of DBT, certification and training programs. \n\nThat said, you do not necessarily need to be certified in order to provide adherent DBT. Certification is an extensive and expensive process, so many do not go through with it. I interned at a clinic that was closely affiliated with Linehan, and only two of the eight DBT therapists were certified.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "d5stpj", "comment_id": "d5stpj"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (20f) afraid to tell my parents what I really want to do after college", "description": "Hi there! \n\nSo I (20f) am going to be a senior in college in the fall, so naturally my family has been really curious as to what I want to do once I graduate. My dad (50m) and I went for ice cream the other day and sort of questioned me about it, and unfortunately he didn\u2019t really seem supportive of my ideas. This has happened before, in which my family has gotten critical of my ideas for my future, but I know it comes from a place of love rather than an effort to control me. \n\nI\u2019m a psychology major leaning towards being a guidance counselor or general counselor. Originally when I declared I wanted to be a psych major, my parents were worried. I\u2019d have to be in school for a long time, it\u2019d be expensive, why would I want to do that? Before that I had wanted to do English or graphic design and they didn\u2019t like those either, always griped I should be a woman in stem. That would be great if I were interested in stem, but like I said, I don\u2019t care if I make a crap ton of money. But my dad really wants that for me (we had money troubles when I was growing up). He was the type who went to college to get a degree in something mildly interesting just so he could make decent money. His dad was a factory worker, they grew up middle class and he just wanted to be a provider for his family. I respect his experience and choices, but that\u2019s not the kind of life I want. \n\nAnyway, I was telling my dad about what I\u2019d need to do for graduate school, how I\u2019d probably take a year off to get experience in research and save money, build my CV and all that. Of course he was concerned and asked if it was necessary, would I stay motivated, etc. I expected this, he\u2019s trying to be supportive and make sure I know what I\u2019m getting myself into. Though when I told him about being a guidance counselor, he grew skeptical. Said I should be a psychiatrist or professor, an author, literally anything else because social workers and guidance counselors don\u2019t make enough money. Yeah, I wouldn\u2019t mind teaching, but I could never do anything medical. Too squeamish. I told him I just wanted to help people, and as long as I did that in some way I\u2019d be happy. I reaffirmed it wasn\u2019t about money as long as my needs were met. Plus, I could marry rich! He laughed at that. \n\nThe real problem, however, is that I want to join the military. Both he and my mom (my mom is supportive of me, but she never went to college and doesn\u2019t really ask about my future which is fine, we just talk about other stuff) insisted when I was younger that I wouldn\u2019t join. It wasn\u2019t really a sexist thing, like \u201coh you\u2019re a woman and therefore you can\u2019t\u201d but more so \u201cwhy would you want that for yourself?\u201d So I dropped it, simply went to college like they expected me to and didn\u2019t really think about it until recently. Quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on what I want to do with my life and I realize that if I continue, knowing myself, I\u2019ll get trapped in a comfort zone and live a boring life like my father. I want to do something meaningful and sort of wild.\n\nMy reasons for wanting to go into the military are more nuanced than that, but I don\u2019t want to get into that in this post. I just know that they won\u2019t be happy, though ultimately I know it\u2019s my life so it\u2019s my choice, but I love my family and I want them to support me. Obviously I have two more semesters, thus I can\u2019t even think about enlisting until this time next year so that gives me plenty of time to explore this decision and work through it, but how do I tell them? I honestly don\u2019 think they\u2019d suspect this from me, as the last time I brought it up was casually a few years ago and I probably don\u2019t seem the type. Anyone have a similar experience? \n\nAs a side note, I\u2019m paying for college by myself. They only took out one small ($3k) loan for me and I have done the rest.", "answer": "As a clinical social worker (now practicing therapist) who was in a similar situation (my father wanted me to focus on money only) I regret nothing. I make decent money living on my own and could make more if I was in private practice it was more important for me to love my job. \n\nI feel for you and ultimately you\u2019ll make your own choice but I wanted to say you can be successful following your passions. I did.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gpz3w8", "comment_id": "gpz3w8"}, {"question": "M/17 not sure if I'm ready or ever will be ready for a relationship", "description": "I hurt this girl once because I wasn't looking for a relationship but I really like her. I know that makes me sound like a jerk but I *just* wanna be a good friend to her but at the same time I still kinda want to have a relationship.\n\nSorry, I'm very confused. I dont know if this is because of peer pressure (because everyone in highschool seem to be in a relationship) or because** I know that I can't handle responsibilities well.**\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "What happened with the girl. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bgch1", "comment_id": "6bgch1"}, {"question": "Request for new Psychiatrists: Please call your patients back. (personal anecdote highlighting issue)", "description": "Good day! Although for me it is not a good day. I suffer from Major Depression with psychotic features and today is not a good one.\n\nMy request is for new psychiatrists to understand how difficult it is (in the US) to find a psychiatrist, first, who takes new patients, hasn't switched to children only, that takes my particular insurance, and WILL CALL YOU BACK. This combination is almost never possible.\n\nI have an anecdote to illustrate. In August last year, I almost committed suicide. My doctor and I had been gradually lowering my anti psychotic dosage, and I didn't realize that I was obsessing again over a certain thing. When the day came when I was finally told that thing would never happen, I was devastated. My whole world crumbled and I wrote notes, figured out who would find my body, made preparations and was about to do it.\n\nOut of the blue a friend messaged me online. My thought at the time was, I'll never talk to her again, why not play a game with her online for the last time. Well, thankfully this distracted me long enough for me to fall asleep without doing it.\n\nSo the next week (it was Friday night), I attempted to contact my psychiatrist. This was a big provider in the area, (Let's call them Big O). First they suggest logging into the online portal and sending a message directly to my doctor. This didn't work because my doctor wasn't configured on the portal.\n\nSo my first call to Big O was to get the doctor set up so I can message him. I was told that he couldn't get on there because he was mental health. (This wasn't true, because my previous mental health doctor was on there. They change doctors every year (student doctors, i think they are called interns).\nSo I asked how do I send a message?\n\nThe operator said, \"I'll take the message and give it to the doctor.\" No call back. Two days later I tried again to message the doc through the operator. No call back. Ok, how about move my next appointment sooner? Sorry, no available times.\n\nSo I took it upon myself to up my dosage to what is was before we started lowering it. The good news is that my work actually cares about it's people and understands taking a few days off for mental health crisis. So I did while I stabilized. Still no call back.\n\nAfter about a week I was feeling ok enough to go back to work and just wait for my next appointment. When it came, I told the doctor the story. He said he never got any messages, and that I did the right thing by upping the dosage. (Why should I have to self prescribe?)\n\nSo I looked for another doctor. I found one, and the first appointment, I told her the story. She said she would be more available to me. Also that someone would call me for my next appointment. They didn't. So far I have left 3 messages on two different lines for my doctor or her nurse, over the course of 3 weeks and nothing.\n\nI understand you are busy as doctors, but you have no idea what it's like as a mental health patient to get care. Please call us back, or even have one of your staff call. What is so hard about that?\n\nThank you for listening.", "answer": "I'm sorry you've experienced but sadly I'm not surprised. For as long a I've been working in the mental health field almost every psychiatrist I've worked with has been intensely overworked. For the last 2 agencies I've worked with psychiatrists rarely if ever make telephone calls back to clients. Usually the receptionist will or it's left to the therapist. The best piece of advice I can give is to get a therapist that you are seeing weekly. Although we're often overworked too, in my experience, most therapists are much better at calling back and/or getting you connected with your psychiatrist when needed. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xsvlq", "comment_id": "7xsvlq"}, {"question": "I read my girlfriend's diary and she's kinda obsessed with me", "description": "So I was at her house this weekend and she had gone to take a shower and I was just looking at her books to kill time and I found one of those fancy looking notebooks. I figured it was a sketchbook or something because she's an artist so I didn't really think it was a big deal to open it. Well, turns out that it was her diary and I know I should've put it down but I opened it and saw my name and it got me curious and I just couldn't resist the temptation. \n\nWe haven't been together for a long time, only three months but I must say that I don't have any complaints. She's very sweet and caring and always speaks nicely. We mostly see each other on the weekends and do stuff together. She doesn't constantly text me or anything but she does say some really corny things when we are together from time to time. I don't know, like, she often tells me about how her heart is racing when I'm around and such, which I don't mind but I guess it's a bit unusual. She's 22 btw, I'm 27(F). \n\nSo back to the diary, she writes about how she had a crush on me for the longest time before we got together. She had asked me out before but I didn't realize she liked me and I had too many things in my head so I wasn't able to make time in the end and she was going to move abroad. Fast forward a few months, almost a year and I see she's coming back to town (she had been living abroad) so I messaged her and we went out and eventually got together. Anyway, so she has huge blocks of text analyzing why she liked me, if it could possibly be more than a silly infatuation and it's all so angsty. She keeps wondering if there's something wrong with her for feeling this way because she doesn't know me well (we hadn't really talked much by that time). She wonders why I ignored her for so long and she now can't message me anymore because she knows I'm not interested. She keeps putting herself down and saying she's crazy for liking me after all these months and there was a part that said she often fantasizes about being in my arms and things like that, you know. She wrote that she thinks of it every night otherwise she can't sleep and that she thought of me every day on her way to class and that she couldn't concentrate some days. She said she cant forget about me, that she tried to date other people but just couldn't even bring herself to kiss them because she only had feelings for me. Also that she might be alone forever if she keeps doing this, apparently she has had unrequited feelings more times. \n\nAs you can guess I was taken aback by all of this and I guess I shouldn't have read her diary obviously, because these are her personal thoughts and it might be unfair to judge her based on them but it seems rather obsessive. The thing is, she doesn't seem obsessive at all now that we are in a relationship. Sure some times she seems a bit insecure, asking if I like her and such but it's more when we're cuddling and stuff and not really in a confrontational way at all. So I don't know, I definitely don't want to break up with her because I really like her but it worries me that she might become co dependent and not able to live without me I guess.\n\nEdit: Hey, thanks for all the comments. I know I was in the wrong for reading her diary and you have made me realize that maybe that's actually pretty controlling. I am just afraid of having people depend on me some times but I will definitely work on that. Other than that I just wanted to add, just to describe this more accurately that it did give the impression that they weren't just thoughts that she wrote in an exaggerated way since she said she thought of me every day. I guess that was what I felt was the most striking. And to be honest I'm a bit scared of not being able to live up to her expectations, not that she mentioned she has any but you know.", "answer": "Plenty of folks shaking their fingers at you for reading, so I don\u2019t need to jump on that bandwagon. Here\u2019s a thought though:\n\n22 is very, very young. I know you\u2019re only five years older, but those are five big years, developmentally speaking. So if she sounds angsty... that\u2019s probably because she was a teenager three years ago. Her brain hasn\u2019t fully matured yet, and she doesn\u2019t have the nearly ten years of being an \u201cadult\u201d that you do. \n\nSooooo this doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s crazy or immature, at least not inappropriately so. And I\u2019m not trying to say \u201cleave her, she\u2019s too young!\u201d Just that you can go ahead and give her a break. :)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "c1mzkz", "comment_id": "c1mzkz"}, {"question": "\"Only an alcoholic would want a prize for running out of a burning building.\"", "description": "I heard this quote from an AA lead I listened to last night. Not to belittle anyone's achievements but sometimes a little kick in the ass / wake up call is what's needed. Another gem from the same person was \"If you baby an alcoholic, you bury an alcoholic.\" Good luck to everyone. Stay the course.", "answer": "Director of a drug treatment program here. I use a similar quote to put into perspective the mindset of some people, not just those struggling with sobriety. I will (paraphrase) \"You ask to be recognized for doing what tens of millions already do: you want to be rewarded for a non-behavior. *Not* using is *not* a behavior. Therefore, it cannot be reinforced. What counts is what you do with the time you aren't using, and *that* is what will be reinforced\" (or something to that effect)\n\nWe celebrate not using, to be sure, but then the quest to find healthy replacement behaviors begins and those are the behaviors we praise.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d46nfe", "comment_id": "d46nfe"}, {"question": "Anyone that\u2019s Muslim and is fasting. Please help me out !!", "description": "So guys I\u2019m asking for my friends.\nI have two friends who I haven\u2019t talked to for 4-5 months! I messed up bad last year and we haven\u2019t talked since. I have yet to apologise and I said some terrible stuff last year. I have learnt my lesson and want to apologise.\nThe only thing is I realised it\u2019s Ramadan and they are fasting! It\u2019s a spiritual month and I don\u2019t wanna ruin anyone\u2019s mood during the fast.\n\nI know they are upset and get angry when the topic of our drama is bought up! \nI don\u2019t wanna ruin anything. Or make them feel angry! It\u2019s a bit of sensitive matter as I\u2019ve basically ruined a 8 year friendship \nI don\u2019t want to delay talking to them since it\u2019s already May !! I wanna work things out fast! \n\nBut is it the right time right now ? \nOr should I wait ?\n\nAlso happy Ramadan to anyone whose fasting", "answer": "Apologize. Don't expect anything from them - it would be wonderful to repair the friendship - but just remember that it's totally their choice to forgive you or not. They may be delighted to hear from you, they may feel more at peace, or they may choose to continue not speaking to you. Say what you need to say, not for you, but because it's the right thing to do.\n\nAs for Ramadan - firstly, fasting only occurs during daylight hours. You could consider sending them the message in the evening after *iftar* (the nightly meal).\n\nSecond, it's a month meant to foster faith, community, prayer, reflection. While it's their choice in how they may react, and I don't know all the details of your situation, I would say forgiveness and reconciliation are very much in the spirit of Ramadan. Consider sending your blessings to them and wishing them well.\n\nDisclaimer, I am not Muslim, this is just based on my outsider knowledge.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "gaxx08", "comment_id": "gaxx08"}, {"question": "Girlfriend[18/f] sleepover with a friend[18/f] and a guy friend [18/m]", "description": "So my Girlfriend of 5 Months is having a sleepover with her friend[18/f] and a guy friend[18/m]. The 3 of them used to hang together a lot before from what i have understood, but they dont see each other a lot anymore. What made me nervous is the fact that she told me she was going just 1 hour before going. after being there for 2 hours they went to sleep at 11 after watching 1 movie, witch for her is very early to go to sleep.We keept in touch trough Snapchat but I never saw any of her friends in the snaps she sent me, I also reacted to the fact that she seemed to sleep topless, not 100% sure but i saw no bra straps over her shoulders in her 'goodnight' snaps. Should i worry? Im extremely worried considering i have been cheated on before. I want to trust her, but it is wreaking my nerves. Im a [19/m]", "answer": "talk it out and decide if you trust her", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktazk", "comment_id": "5ktazk"}, {"question": "I can't sneeze?", "description": "I'm 15, and when i try to sneeze i get the feeling but it won't come out. can anyone help me? ", "answer": "Why is it a problem?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5w3g5e", "comment_id": "5w3g5e"}, {"question": "what happens when you go to hospital suicidal? how can i help my friend?", "description": "my friend is really depressed and we don't know what to do at this point. the main source of her depression is her horrible job. she works long hours in a male-dominated field where they basically have no respect for her even though she is extremely hard working. she has been looking for other jobs to no avail and is seriously considering quitting this one with no backup plan. this is definitely not the only issue but it is a very pressing one at the moment.\ni believe that she is passively suicidal in that she is constantly wishing something would happen to her but i don't think she would actually take her own life. however recently this might be changing and i am extremely worried. she has been trying to get in to see a doctor but they either do not accept her insurance or are not accepting patients right now. \nshe has expressed to me that she may want to go to the hospital (ER) tonight. i know that she needs to see a doctor soon but i'm not exactly sure what the ER will do for her. she needs to talk to someone and probably needs to be medicated at this point. \ndoes anyone have any experience with this? either going to the ER themselves or with a friend for this type of situation? will i be able to go in with her &/or have contact with her if she has to stay? will they transfer her to somewhere else? will insurance cover any of this treatment?\nany ideas on what else i can do to be a supportive friend right now?", "answer": "I work in an acute psychiatric hospital as a therapist. If you have any reason to believe your friend is having thoughts of suicide- ACT. \n\nThe ER will essentially evaluate her, and then if she is actively having suicidal thoughts, will transfer her to a psychiatric hospital (unless they have one on the hospital grounds.) She will be under what is called observation for a 72 hour period. Basically, she will be evaluated for suicidal thoughts/plans/actions/etc. A psychiatrist (and in some cases a psychologist too) will evaluate her for mental illnesses- depression for example. She will likely be given anti-depressants. While in the hospital, she will attend therapy sessions, etc. She will be released as soon as she is considered to no longer be a harm to herself, and given follow-up information with outpatient therapists.\n\nAs far as contact goes- you can only talk to her if she signs a release of information allowing contact- or otherwise indicates that she's fine with you knowing you're there- as per Federal law.\n\nInsurance wise- most insurance companies will cover at least a few days of psychiatric treatment. However, even if they dont, it is against the law for a hospital to turn away someone in need. At my hospital, for example, we treat many people without insurance- and basically just eat the costs.\n\nHope this helps. Again- if you have any reason to suspect she is considering suicide- ACT! It is much better to be safe than sorry.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "ueaf0", "comment_id": "ueaf0"}, {"question": "Need a jaw surgery for medical reasons. How do I best present my case to my doctors?", "description": "Hi /r/AskDocs, I (Male, 26, 172lbs), have suffered with erectile dysfunction, poor cognitive performance, and low energy for 6 years now. The onset for all of this was a sinus infection that creates a constant nasal congestion, and the development of an overbite. I used to be a 4.0 GPA, really high grades student, but after the development of this overbite (big enough to be visible to the naked eye) which made me clench my teeth at night (likely as a body reflex of low oxygen intake) , made my sleep ever so less restful, and I ended up graduating with a 2.14 GPA. I did not have a girlfriend in college, and the whole experience was incredibly miserable. **My doors to an MBA or future prospects in life, including even having a family are all but in the hands of my future doctors.** I really need your help, please.\n\nMy observations after 6 years are the following:\n\n-it is not sleep apnea. I have been tested for it and I do not have breathing pauses at night.\n\n-the problem is nearly 100% related to not breathing enough oxygen at night. The overbite and the sinus problems makes for an incredibly small passage of air possible. I feel easily suffocated in rooms with poor ventilation.\n\n-My erectile dysfunction and my poor cognitive function have been solved at all one point by increasing the ventilation of a room and managing to sleep in a position where my sinuses behaved. Although I was able to fully breathe well for a couple of nights, those couple of nights were essential to prove my hypothesis that my breathing and air intake during my sleep was causing my problems. My erections were fully back, and the mere thought of the opposite sex made my penis erect and my energy levels were through the roof.\n\n-Other symptoms include anxiety, panic attacks, and palpitations which were unheard of before these developments. All of these symptoms fall in line with research of the results of poor breathing at night. \n\nMy concerns are the following:\n\n-Doctors do not take this at all seriously, and would ignore my 6 years worth of observations of my own symptoms\n\n-Doctors do not recommend dental procedures due to high expenses over simply using cheaper options, even though jaw surgery would like see immediate results and be permanent and reliable\n\nHow can I present all of this to my doctor and push my doctor to pursue treatment through this direction? Orthognatic surgery is usually seen as an aesthetics surgery, and not medical. But I absolutely believe it's essential to proceed with it as a medical procedure to increase the airflow intake of my sleep, otherwise my medical problems will only increase.\n\nThank you so much for all your help and advice.", "answer": "You have been given thoughtful medical advice, and you have responded with rudeness and dismissal. Medical advice here isn't going to solve your problems because reasoned medical advice will not give you what you're looking for.\n\nAccordingly, I'm locking this thread before it turns even more acrimonious.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ewa1cv", "comment_id": "ewa1cv"}, {"question": "Why do none alcoholics not suffer from the mental obsession?", "description": "What is clear is that an alcoholics reacts differently to alcohol to a none alcoholic. The allergy produces the physical craving which a none alcoholic doesn't have. The mental obsession is a manifestation of the spiritual malady. \n\nWhat I can't understand is why does a none alcoholic not have the mental obsession? Surely the general population suffer from a spiritual malady unless they have worked the steps. Or is it that they do have the mental obsession but the difference is that they don't continue to drink because they don't have the allergy thus the physical craving?", "answer": "You use the term \"spiritual malady\" & seem to believe that non-alcoholics must suffering? I'm guessing you also believe atheists to be especially suffering.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dxkm7q", "comment_id": "dxkm7q"}, {"question": "A fifth attempt is coming up", "description": "I am a horrible person. Just trust me on this. My one good contribution to society would be to kill myself. Then, I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. What you say to a bad person who was on the brink of suicide? Would you tell them to go through with it? I know a lot of people would, especially on reddit. ", "answer": "Working in forensic psychiatry i met people who did horrible things (murder, rape, etc). Typically they didnt care about what theyve done. They either denie or downplay.\nThe fact that you post this implies you feel bad about your actions. Which is a sign of having a working conscience ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b04em4", "comment_id": "b04em4"}, {"question": "I (17/M) am interested in a girl (17/F) in my class and don't know how to make a relationship", "description": "I was born with Asperger Syndrome, so naturally I struggle with communication. I've gotten better, yet I don't know how to move past the friends phase of relationships. I get caught up worried about if she's interested, or even looking to stay friends. I panic over the little things, especially when she doesn't respond to my texts within a day, so I'm also very insecure. I want to be confident and be able to develop a working relationship. We've been friends for about a week now. ", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel, and see how she responds. if she doesn't feel the same way you'll be disappointed, but at least you'll know and can pursue new friendships.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql7dr", "comment_id": "5ql7dr"}, {"question": "With proper sunscreen application, will I tan faster/darker while on 100mg Doxycycline mono?", "description": "27yo caucasian male. I will be traveling to Kenya this summer to do field research (dry season). I will be on doxy for malaria. Since a side effect is sunburning, I was curious if extra-frequent sunscreen application will mean I tan faster or darker, or if I'm just going to burn easier?\n\nIf there is an ELI5 explanation as to why this does or does not occur, that would be interesting!\n\nThanks!", "answer": "No. The side effect of doxycycline isn't increased tanning/burning, it's a red rash in response to sunlight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ei4bk", "comment_id": "8ei4bk"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy. I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around. You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "99zojx"}, {"question": "Should I go out with him again?", "description": "So I went and hung out with a guy from tinder, I thought it was a date but he called it hanging out and then we went for coffee and he ordered first then paid for himself and I still don't know how I feel about it. Conversation was so great, and i wasn't expecting him to pay for me but I thought it was a date. And I would've totally paid for him but the fact he wouldn't pay for me made me not want to buy his drink. He wants to hangout again but idk is that a bad sign???", "answer": "People that have played the Tinder game for a while are likely wanting to meet you casually first to see if there is a connection. If there is, then go on a date! I wouldn't read into it too much. If he wants to go on a date now that you have met, he will ask.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70eznf", "comment_id": "70eznf"}, {"question": "feeling sad after pet passed away", "description": "so earlier this month my dog died cause he choked on a piece of food. didn't get to see him before cause I was at school but after I got the news I was somewhat down. but as time passed I felt more and more sad about my dog being gone. I felt like I should be spent more time with him. he was truly a one of a kind dog. I just wish I got to spent more time with him but I was away for so much and I didn't get to. how do I cope with this. I've been through a lot of pets passing away/being sold/ running away, but I've never felt like this before about a pets death. thanks for reading", "answer": "When I had to have my cat put to sleep when she got very suddenly and unexpectedly severely ill I cried a lot and for a long time. I'm a pretty tough guy but it hit me really hard. Grieving takes time. The unconditional love we get from our pets is so amazing and unlike anything we get from the majority of relationships in our lives so it's no wonder it hurts so much when we lose them. \n\n\nThe Vet at the hospital gave me a bunch of information on grieving lost pets afterwards. I found a lot of comfort in this poem (surprisingly as I'm not religious at all). Still gets me choked up almost every time I read it even years after my kitty passed. \n\n\nhttps://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "avtnjp", "comment_id": "avtnjp"}, {"question": "ERP is not the only way to treat OCD, there is another way", "description": "ERP can be very good, but this is mostly if OCD is not too severe, and if the obsession doesn't change very much, or switch up its tactics (my OCD does both of these) There is another one for people like me who have severe OCD, Its called Advanced Brief Strategic Therapy. It has been proven to be very effective against OCD. ", "answer": "Some of the basic assumptions of BST vs CBT seem to be inaccurate. Most importantly is the assumption that CBT believes that we can control our thoughts and emotions, whereas most CBT therapists I know would never make that assumption. While some of the tools in BST can be effective in treating OCD, and can be used in the context of traditional CBT/ ERP, it doesn't seem immediately effective as a stand alone therapeutic technique. While both CBT and BST need insight and willingness, it seems BST requires so much more insight and self control than the CBT/ ERP model. To say to an OCD sufferer \"if you need to do one compulsion, you HAVE to do 10 compulsions in a row, but you cannot just do one\" is to essentially say \"change nothing.\" Some techniques could be beneficial, but really need the skill and experience of a trained therapist to effectively implement the strategies. I'm not disagreeing with OP to say its COMPLETELY ineffective, but readers should begin treatment with a trained OCD/ CBT/ ERP therapist (dont read this as \"just any therapist who says they do OCD treatment and know CBT\") before going this route. \n\nThis response is built on a brief look into it. I'm sure I could do a deeper dive, but I'm off the clock. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "8rwcwx", "comment_id": "8rwcwx"}, {"question": "Cousin had abusive drug dealer boyfriend.", "description": "My cousin had a boyfriend who is facing five felony charges for drugs. She's 19 and her parents are threatening to kick her out of the house if she continues to see him. He's a punk who continually belittles her to make her think she needs him. She's staying with our family for the next couple days and I want to try to help her. What should I do? I'm her older cousin and I'm a guy so this is kind of hard to approach with her. ", "answer": "get her to an abused women's support group", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktpla", "comment_id": "5ktpla"}, {"question": "Steve-O says that \"only 5%' of alcoholics/addicts get sober and stay that way long-term. Is this true?", "description": "If so, I'm certainly glad to be part of the 5%!", "answer": "I always get a kick out of percentages. No idea where they get their numbers from. Nobody knows the actual percentages", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8uy9h", "comment_id": "d8uy9h"}, {"question": "Is this normal?", "description": "I've worked in the defense industries and military since I was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. I believe I may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but I wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.\n\nOverall when I'm with friends and family I can calm down and relax, but when I'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. I've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. I continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people I'm with. My friends make fun of me, but when I come into a restaurant but I have to face the door and I'll still \"scan\". People standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane. \n\nOverall I dont think I'm paranoid, but I cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. When I try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. For reference I dont remember any significant trauma and I can't get into what I do for work, but I haven't been in combat yet. I'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.\n\nNot looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "As a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public. \n\nIt has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community. Similar to you, I like to face the door, I want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom. I prefer to sit near an exit, I'll think about where I might hide if an active shooter entered. I've had lots of training, I'm around a lot of former military, and I model them and they give me tips. But yea, I definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression. I am not physically intimidating, lol. \n\nTo me, I say it's normal because of what I do for work. Same for you. I don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet. \n\nWhat may be normal for me might not be normal for you. It depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning. Do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "a4dt57"}, {"question": "Help me [25F] make my boyfriend [25M] realize the importance of apologies and forgiveness", "description": "Hey, Reddit. I don't know where else to turn. I don't have many close friends and most of my friends online are friends of my boyfriend too so I don't want to ask them for advice. I don't want them to think badly of him.\n\nWe're both 25 and met online through a game. He never had a relationship before, I had several. We've known each other for a couple of years but only really close since the start of this year. We met for the first time in august. We're currently in a long distance relationship (1 hour with plane apart) and spend most of the time apart playing games together. I love him so much because he is such a good person, when things are good. He is my best friend. However when we fight, he's starting to show me some really clear signs of emotional abuse and it scares me. I want some advice from someone, I need help to make him realize he has a huge part in our fights.\n\nPretty much all of the time when we fight it's because of some small, pointless thing that got blown out of proportion and grows bigger because he decides to stay angry at me, refusing to see his part in the fight. I will take yesterdays fight as an example since it's almost always the same story: We played games and I got a bit irritated/naggy at myself for performing bad (I understand this isn't fun to listen to, but it doesn't happen often and just few minutes later we were enjoying our time together again, or so I thought). He gave me a lot of shit for this \"bad behavior\" but we had fun after so I thought we were past it. Before bed time we talked and he sounded a bit off so after we hung up I asked if we were okay. He basically tells me I made his night awful and that he has way more fun with his other friends in the game than me (just because of me getting irritated at myself for few minutes, but he will forgive any of his other online friends if they have a bad day and not even mention it).\n\nI didn't understand why he couldn't just let it go, since we had a fun time after and were sweet to each other. He just had to keep exaggerating and making it a bigger deal than it was. We continued to chat for hours, I begged him several times if we can say sorry to each other (not because we necessarily think we're wrong but because we hurt each other), or if we can just agree to disagree, anything. But he stays angry over this tiny thing. I ask if he can forgive me for being grumpy for few minutes about the game earlier in the evening and he says \"I won't forgive you but I won't stay mad\". This is were I get vibes from emotional abuse. I asked him why it bothers him if I \"talk bad\" about my gaming performance and he says he \"hates signs of weakness\". He says he can't forgive people downtalking themselves (something I never do in real life, I'm very confident about my person). He starts writing \"If you ever do something like this in front of my family...\" and threaten me for what he knows is no purpose at all. I kept trying to have us stop fighting, I sent a picture of me where you happened to be able to see I had been crying, writing \"Wish you were in bed with me so I could hug you and make this go away\". Then he just replies \"WTF is this, what am I dating?\", calls me an over emotional drama queen and reminds me how much more fun he has in this game with others than me. To wrap it up, says \"I'm not a nice guy, I never claimed to be\". But he still also seems to truly believe everything is my fault. I feel so belittled, shut down and hopeless.\n\nIf we argue on the phone, he hangs up on me. He shuts me down and silences me every time I'm in a mood that doesn't please him. He tries to suppress me by bringing up things from the past, threatening me about things and calls me delusional if I try to point out what he's doing to me. Please help me, I ran out of words for what to say to him to try make him understand. I tell him I'm not perfect and I can never be, and that we will have arguments and disagreements, it's normal. Just like I don't expect him to be super energetic and happy every day either. But he claims he doesn't ask for perfection. It's starting to feel like whatever I do it's the wrong thing.\n\nWe have the best time when we don't argue, we both agree on this. I don't want this relationship to end because of his stupid stubbornness and unability to see his mistakes. I want him to understand it's fine to argue in a relationship sometimes, but it's so important to know how to say sorry (something he doesn't do often) and forgive each other so things don't get blown out of proportion... Or just let me know, am I an emotional, delusional drama queen for getting upset about these things?", "answer": "If you want to actually teach him that his bad behavior undermines your relationship, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations. More importantly, if you want to be happy in life, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations. Particularly not all-night bitch-fests about things that are beyond present remedy. \n\nIf he thought you were ruining his evening, he could have said something hours ago, if you think his complaints are toxic, you should protect yourself from them in real time, not hours later. \n\nYou are both making critical errors, but you're only one with the insight to see that the whole dynamic is fucking gross. \n\nDisengage. Hang up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709aly", "comment_id": "709aly"}, {"question": "Anyone else get so mad it ruins their whole day?", "description": "EDIT: thank you so much to everyone who responded! I have been given some truly amazing advice and currently have a list of things to try when the rage comes on. It\u2019s also nice to hear that other people deal with this same issue. There are a lot of replies and it\u2019s been hard to respond to them all, but I want everyone to know I really appreciate it, thank you\n\nI know anger and irritability are big symptoms of bipolar. This happens to me a lot and I still haven\u2019t figured out how to calm down when I start feeling the rage come on. \n\nToday the day just wasn\u2019t going my way, the anger came on and it just got worse and worse and worse and eventually I am full blown angry and can\u2019t calm down. Then I\u2019m angry at myself because I\u2019m angry and the cycle keeps repeating. Now the whole day feels ruined. All the things I was going to do seem impossible after a big blow up where I screamed in front of my family (and basically threw a temper tantrum- which is embarrassing as hell). I\u2019m here laying in bed, and I don\u2019t know how to continue going about my day after that. I honestly feel so upset with myself and feel like I don\u2019t deserve to do anything. \n\nDuring my explosive anger episode I ended up relapsing with cutting after 6 years. It felt like there was no other way to get the anger out, and I was so mad at myself. I just wanted to hurt myself. Now I\u2019m doubly disappointed. And even more confused because I had been relatively stable for quite a while. But a death in the family 2 weeks ago has had me feeling all over the place. \n\nSorry for the rant. Does anyone know how to calm down when you\u2019re in the throes of anger??", "answer": "Whole day? More like whole relationship that lasted 2 years and ended in 2 days.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "hcpncp", "comment_id": "hcpncp"}, {"question": "How do you get OCD medicine?", "description": "Im a 20 year old male.\n\n\nIve had OCD and anxiety my entire life but it has gotten really bad lately.\n\ni don't have a doctor.\n\n\nIs there any over the counter OCD medicine? If not, how do you get medication for it?", "answer": "You get a doctor. There's nothing over-the-counter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c9xr7j", "comment_id": "c9xr7j"}, {"question": "My friend is trying to convince me to smoke.", "description": "I laughed in his face, he stood out in a storm last night while I was inside feeling cozy. Its day three and I'm never looking back. ", "answer": "This morning I listened to a 70 year old woman who smoked her whole life cough. It was a horrible sickening wet sound. She is so short of breath she can only walk 25 paces and then has to rest to catch her breath. She told me she counts her steps so she knows when to stop and rest. I know other women her age who run marathons.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "1cqn4h", "comment_id": "1cqn4h"}, {"question": "Paranoid or Real?", "description": "Hey everyone. I have a question for you guys. I\u2019m sorry if this might not be the place but I\u2019m having hard time with this and it is involving my weird brain. \n\nI have Bipolar and social anxiety. This little mixture brings me a nice helping of paranoia. Not full blown paranoia but enough to make me a full time really suspicious bastard. \n\nBut when you get thoughts into your head, how do you tell what\u2019s paranoia and what\u2019s legit? In the past, whatever I got paranoid about I\u2019d avoid at all costs. I know that\u2019s not healthy but it worked. Till now at least. \n\nIt\u2019s to do with my wife. I won\u2019t go into details (involves personal things) but little things have been said (about not trying to make me insecure) things being said would be done but not done, even after further discussion and time. These weren\u2019t important things, but just repeating, many times, and annoying me. I\u2019m starting to suspect there\u2019s more to this than mere happenstance. \n\nSo how do you guys tell if something is real or paranoia? To be perfectly honest, I\u2019m hoping I\u2019m being paranoid. My wife is usually one of the only people/things I don\u2019t get paranoid about. I developed it after we were together. \n\nAny help would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "It's an incredible gift to have the level of insight that you do in that you know that your immediate thoughts and initial reactions are not always logical and may or may not be based in paranoia. Folks who don't have this think all of their automatic thoughts are logical and accurate and often make a mess of things in their lives. \n\n\nI think it's important to identify a few people in your life who you really truly trust. You trust that they care about you and would have no ulterior motives to steering you wrong or being dishonest. Run situations by them and see what they think. Consider what they say along with what you believe and come to your conclusion. It's called reality testing and can be extremely helpful. \n\n\nThis is somewhat unrelated but emphasizes the same point. Folks who experience auditory hallucinations and again are able to have enough insight to realize they occasionally hear things that aren't real may have a hard time differentiating what's real and what's not. I often recommend they get a dog or cat, or if they already have one, pay close attention to them when they experience auditory hallucinations. Animals have much better hearing than us. If they don't appear alarmed or they don't perk up when you hear a voice or a sound, it's probably a hallucination.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5tf96", "comment_id": "a5tf96"}, {"question": "36 Hours", "description": "I've gone 36 hours without any skin picking. I decided two nights ago that it was getting out of hand and impacting my physical health too much. And this has been extremely hard. I can't believe how often I've had to actively stop myself. I didn't think it was something I did unconsciously but damn... I feel like a drug addict.\n\nI also ordered about $30 worth of fidget toys off of Amazon. Partially because I thought maybe I would be more committed if I had invested actual money into this. But also because I just wasn't sure what would help (if anything), so best to have a variety to try...\n\nAny tips on how to keep my resolve are appreciated.", "answer": "Hi! Congratulations on making it through 36 hours!!! WOO HOO!! Tips on how to keep your resolve!\n\n1. Be gentle with yourself\n2. Try to keep yourself busy, the fidget toys are great\n3. Be aware of your feelings when you think about picking\n4. And just curious, have you thought about seeing a mental health professional?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "boz7nt", "comment_id": "boz7nt"}, {"question": "YES!", "description": "Today is 1 week without purging. 7 days without giving in. 168 hours without letting bulimia destroy me. 10080 minutes. 604,800 seconds, and they were ALL mine.", "answer": "Wahoo!!! Well done!", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "jm76r5", "comment_id": "jm76r5"}, {"question": "What do i do?", "description": "My mom has now freaked out at me last night. She came into my room, I\u2019m 20years old and i was on the phone with my potential significant other. She got mad at me and suspicious that i was on the phone but freaked out that i am talking to someone again while having mental issues. But he makes me happy and i send him explicit pictures and she freaked out when she asked me and i told her the truth (my mom is all about honesty). So she kept me up for an extra hour yelling at me threatening to kick me out of the house and take my phone because I\u2019m talking and sending pictures to the guy i want to be with. How do i handle this situation?", "answer": "Don't send explicit pics to a rando! This is how you get used.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fgz3d6", "comment_id": "fgz3d6"}, {"question": "[21/f] I feel like my boyfriend [22/m] will ditch plans with me if something better comes up", "description": "Some background to the problem: I've been with my partner for 2 years. I'm always going to my his house, I'd say pretty much every day. Whether I ride my bike there, catch the bus or even walk I'll find a way to get there. In the past two weeks he's been to my place around twice, which really bugs me because I feel like he's not putting in as much effort. (I've brought this up with him and he says he'll try harder... and then doesn't)\n\nI've been having a really rough week with uni, quitting my job and selling my family home, and my boyfriend knows it. Today I had a uni field trip, I left the house at 6:30am and got back at 6:30pm, I was exhausted and just needed some love. Throughout the day he'd agreed to come around to mine when I got home. When I get home and ring him he says he doesn't really have time to come over because he's watching the basketball with a friend. I'm a bit bummed and ask him to come over afterwards, to which he says he can't because he will be drinking and won't be able to drive and also because he has a flat tire on his bike (he has like 3 bikes). So I'm pretty disappointing but say it's no biggie. About an hour later he messages me telling me he's going out on a pub crawl with his mates and that he won't have his phone on him because he's lost it. I am so hurt by this. I don't give two shits if he wants to hang out with mates or go out on the town, but the fact that it was too difficult to get to my place (which is about 3 suburbs closer than where he is drinking) but it was easy enough to go out with friends makes me so sad and angry. \n\nNow I'm left wondering, does he even care about me? Are my feelings valid? Or am I over-reacting? ", "answer": "Ditch him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70grzv", "comment_id": "70grzv"}, {"question": "Question about self harm", "description": "I\u2019m a self harmer and I\u2019ve seen this brought up a lot in the self harm subs- why do we like our scars? I know we should be ashamed of them, and I know some people are. But, at least speaking for me, I love my injuries, I\u2019m secretly proud of them. I know this is also a feeling I should be ashamed of but was just wondering if anyone had any insight into this?", "answer": "Where are you getting the sense you \"should be ashamed\" of your scars or of you past behavior? Shame is typically not useful and in not sure where that belief came from .\n\nIf you have a history of self harm, that is a big issue that is best discussed with a therapist, not here. However, typically, self harm boils down to a coping mechanism available to people who have no others. Many people stop cutting and different (not always better) coping skills are available. \n\nI hope that you are able to develop healthy coping , but shame is generally not helpful coping.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffet7g", "comment_id": "ffet7g"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm losing my best friend", "description": "I'm a guy who's 17 years old, I start this off with that sentence so you get my stand point.\n\nI've always been depressed because of my loneliness, being bullied and the situation with my parents, though recently the person who stood by me through it all for a good 11 years was my current best friend, who I'll refer to as Dave to keep his identity safe, until recently. Dave and me are both straight but after being friends for so long we have this emotional connection. But recently he got himself a stunning girlfriend and he's been speaking to her daily, so often, he has given up days with me and left conversations on discord just to talk to her.\n\nWith me being depressed while growing up I always was upset with how I looked whether my friends and the people I trust are going to backstab me. I've never self harmed but have attempted suicide, I regret it immensely but I have. He's never noticed or asked how I felt about his constant absence but I find it hard to confront home because let's be honest I love this guy (not homosexually). Can anyone help me? Am I losing one of the only friends I have; one of the only people I trust?", "answer": "TALK WITH HIM. Let him know about your viewpoint and how you feel. The best way to handle potentially messy situations is to get them out in the open. Tell him how you feel ignored by him as he leaves to talk to her. Set up a designated time where it's just the two of you.\n\nIt's unrealistic to give him a choice: you or her. The first parts of a romantic relationships often motivate people to spend a majority of time with their significant other at first. That's normal. \n\nEventually you will come to a balance.", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5y41ov", "comment_id": "5y41ov"}, {"question": "tappering off antidepressant", "description": "hello docs, \ni\u2019m a 21f i\u2019ve been on 10 mg of zelax (escitalopram) daily for 5 months now but with quarantine situation i don\u2019t think i can stock up on more i only have 25 pills left so what is the safest way to get off the medication with minimal withdrawal? \n\nthanks.", "answer": "Call your doctor about a refill. Going to a pharmacy is still leaving home for essential needs, and your doctor may also be able to send your prescription to a mail-order pharmacy, but having weeks' notice will help with that.\n\nYou could taper, but first you should see if you can avoid doing so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmiud5", "comment_id": "fmiud5"}, {"question": "Non-drug treatment options?", "description": "Hi! So this is NOT because I\u2019m a hippy and \u201cdon\u2019t want chemicals in my body.\u201d I have a chronic illness that gives me cardiovascular issues like heart palpitations, low blood pressure, dizziness, etc. unfortunately, it seems that all ADHD drugs raise heart rate or something similar. I tried strattera and it really doesn\u2019t help me to have less ADHD symptoms if while the dose is in effect I need to lay down because I\u2019m dizzy and having heart palpitations. Any advice?", "answer": "Individuals with ADHD struggle a lot with self care and are then negatively impacted by its lack. Things like a healthy diet, exercise, good sleep, taking a high quality multi vitamin, etc. may be beneficial, but obviously it can be challenging to work on these things as someone with ADHD. You might try some habit tracking or asking a loved one to provide some support/structure/accountability to help you stay on track.\n\nTry to organize your living space in the most efficient ways possible. De-clutter. Set up spaces so they are most conducive to the purpose for which they are intended (set up your bedroom to be optimal for sleeping and your office to be optimal for working). Be aware of hazards in your home and attend to them quickly to avoid getting hurt (we are more accident prone and you\u2019ll have a harder time doing the things that\u2019ll help you if you\u2019re laid up in bed with a broken ankle). \n\nRemember that our brains work differently. Rather than trying to force yours to work in a way that it just doesn\u2019t, try to work WITH your brain. Get creative. Make tasks more interesting by turning them into a game if that works for you (if so, check out the app Habitica that turns doing tasks into a cute video game where you can earn items and characters). Sometimes I put on my Bluetooth headset and call my mom and ask her to talk to me while I start to clean since this helps me get started. \n\nAnd as another redditor said already, therapy is a great tool and resource. \n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ap1miq", "comment_id": "ap1miq"}, {"question": "I just got out of the mental hospital.", "description": "So, I've had posts here and in SW recently, and I figured I'd let folks know how that went. I checked myself into a local mental health unit on Wednesday. My medication has been adjusted, I am now on generic Zoloft, 100 mg. It's an SSRI like the citalopram was, but with a much wider dosing range, so I probably won't have to mix medications to fix things.\n\nIt wasn't nearly as terrifying this time, probably because I was voluntary admission, and probably also because I wasn't in as bad of a place, mentally. Last time I was transferred in immediately following a suicide attempt. I didn't have hope of things being better. This time I was suicidal, but knew there was hope, and went in intending to survive long enough for things to be fixed.\n\nThere is a reason for these places. They aren't punishments, they aren't just prisons with better PR, and they certainly aren't Bethlem House. If you're not feeling safe with yourself, it might well be a good idea to check yourself in to a facility for a time to get better.", "answer": "Welcome back! Also glad you are alright. \n\nHospitalization was one of the best things that ever happened to me in many ways. People think I'm seriously weird for saying this. Still, I would be dead if not for that. Your words really ring true for me.\n\nHere's to things keep looking up from here. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yru6h", "comment_id": "yru6h"}, {"question": "My PCP told me that there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis", "description": "* Age 21\n* Sex M\n* Height 6'3\n* Weight 167\n* Race White\n* Duration of complaint 2 weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body) Liver and stomach\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) Elevated ALT levels in blood and pain inside the v shape of my chest bone\n* Current medications (if any) ClonazePAM, Seroquil\n\nI asked my doctor if the blood test would detect Alcoholic Hepatitis and she said \"well there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis\" then I clarified by saying \"inflamed liver caused by alcohol consumption\" then she said \"yes\" but multiple websites online mention alcoholic hepatitis. So is she wrong or not?", "answer": "Hepatitis is medical-speak for \"inflamed liver\" so yes, this seems like a strange kind of nit-picking. Strange enough that I would argue it deviates from standards; after all, we have medical jargon so that we can be clear with each other, and doctors all know, or should know, what \"alcoholic hepatitis\" means.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9qgo2h", "comment_id": "9qgo2h"}, {"question": "Cannot stop thinking about past mistakes", "description": "I'm pretty new to the OCD forums, since i was just diagnosed a month or so ago. I suffer from contamination OCD and obsessions/intrusive thoughts. \nI cannot stop thinking about the stupid things i've done in life... this takes up about 4 or more hours a day. I'm constantly thinking about them and cannot get rid of them. My whole life recently has just been constant anxiety and regret. \nDoes anyone else have intrusive thoughts like these? if so, how do you cope with it?", "answer": "My best advice would be to accept that you arent perfect, that you WILL make mistakes as a human, and have to move on with the best possible life while giving yourself the grace and permission to be imperfect. Personal ethics can be helpful, but when they control your life, rather than just guiding it, then the rules need be re-evaluated. Watch Wreck It Ralph. He's a \"bad guy\", but he wants to be good. He realizes through the movie that he can just be himself, a person made of good stuff and bad stuff, and thats ok. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4qdsm8", "comment_id": "4qdsm8"}, {"question": "I'm [28/m] and just received \"We need to talk\" from my [20/f] girlfriend who feels overwhelmed in life [Serious]", "description": "I received the message early in the morning followed by a short phone call from my girlfriend (20). This is a newly formed relationship (a month in) but the feelings for one another are very strong. As i know now she works all the time (pickling up doubles and working from 6am to 8pm). She has two kids and the father is sort of in the kids lives and spends time with them, but not really a dad. She also had a recent loss of a close friend to depression. Right now I've been informed she feels overwhelmed and doesn't want to get me mixed up in her complicated life (along those lines) I've been through multiple relationships and only had a few serious ones (lasting between 2-4 years). Something about her is completely different and i want to fight for her and show her i will not be caught in the storm but help fight through the storm and do everything i can to help carry the load off her shoulders. I need some advice on how to proceed before we meet later to talk about everything in person. \n\nEdit: Thank you all for the advice and input. We have now met up and talked over some things and clearing up the air. her life is really stressing her out and she was scared that i didnt want to be with her. I have known her for a little over 2 years now but we did just recently start dating. she has had a very rough life and she truly felt that i am too good of a guy for her. we talked and will be talking more tonight but this looks like it will be patched up. again ty all for your advice sorry i didnt give much information on a broader scale but was trying to collect my thoughts and tried to keep it short. \n", "answer": "Give her the space she needs. Take your cues from her carefully.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63lgv6", "comment_id": "63lgv6"}, {"question": "Wife hates my parents ever since our son was born. Their first (and probably only) grandchild.", "description": "Am I just taking this the wrong way? Ever since our child was born 6 months ago my wife has been pushing my parents away. It is their first grandchild my wife's second child ( she has a teenage son) and my first. She constantly holds the fact that she raised a child already over my head when I do things differently from her, she also uses her age to her advantage too (she's 10 years older than me 29, 39). She doesn't like my parents visiting because they overstay their welcome and take too many pictures of our son. Currently they visit twice a month if they're lucky and they can't even ask for pictures without her getting weird and it starting a fight. I know my parents are just loving and they help us and her mom any time we need it. She thinks they are overbearing and smothering. I can't defend them without it starting a fight and now I can't even send them pictures of their grandson either because I would have to do it behind her back and ask them not to post it on social media because it would make her mad to know I sent them pictures. I don't know what to do, my parents weren't perfect but they are good people that help anyone with anything on the drop of a hat and I feel terrible that they can't see their grandson more than twice a month. And I can't defend them, because she just thinks they want to be parents to our son and not grandparents, and that they would try to take our son away from her if we got divorced. ", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t want you sending pictures to them? That\u2019s 90% of the fun of parenting. \n\nWhat the hell is going on, man?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7483qb", "comment_id": "7483qb"}, {"question": "How do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns. \n\nMy old doctor left the practice and I don't like the new PA I was assigned. After a year of seeing her, it's like I'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something I'm allergic to. I did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.\n\nHow do I start up with the new doctor without having a physical? I just had a physical with the PA in March, so I won't be due another one for a while. Do I have to wait until I get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (I've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, I would only go to urgent cares when I was sick.) Also, can I do the visit without transferring my records first? This doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously I wouldn't want to transfer from my PA. It would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.\n\nSorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). I know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "Yes, new patient well visits are standard. You call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. You will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.\n\nThe easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. You would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. There's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. The transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "8pue1n"}, {"question": "100 days, a quick read", "description": "Hey SD\nToday is 100 days days for me and I thought I would share my progress. Since quitting I have been through Christmas, New Year's Eve, a professional football game, several events that drinking was heavily involved in, two out of town trips with groups of friends who were drinking the whole time and a vacation with my family who are all big drinkers. I did all of this without drinking! \nThe first few weeks were really difficult and I credit this sub for getting me through it. \nTwo weeks after quitting drinking I decided to switch to a plant based diet and started working out again. \nI have lost 25 pounds and I feel awesome! \nMy brain works better, I started performing better at work and got offered a new job that is cooler and pays better than my old one. \nMy marriage is in a much better place. My wife told me after a few weeks of sobriety that she was thinking about leaving due to my drinking and we are working through a bunch of back logged issues. \nI'm a better and more patient parent. \nMy liver is no longer fatty, all labs are back to normal. \nMy energy level is through the roof, I'm very happy, I'm less anxious and I can drive anywhere anytime without fear of being pulled over. \nTo those who are new, you can do it and it's totally worth it. \nThanks SD!!!!\n", "answer": "Congrats! I'll be joining you shortly :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "60wu4t", "comment_id": "60wu4t"}, {"question": "My abusive ex boyfriend(18) got his girlfriend(18, possibly) pregnant, and I'm worried about her.", "description": "My ex was abusive in many aspects. He was controlling, emotionally abusive, psychologically abusive, verbally abusive, sexually abusive and sometimes physically abusive, and my heart goes out to this girl, and I feel like I need to save her from him. He's bad, and I don't want her or their baby to go through something like his manipulation. He told her he wasn't going to help her with the baby, and he didn't love it or want it. I really don't know what to do, I feel the need to save her. But if I talk to her, he might go through her phone and see that I was talking to her. I need help, I need advice. Please and thank you.", "answer": "That\u2019s a real tight spot. Consider hers, yours, and the baby\u2019s safety. It\u2019s really amazing that you care about her and I hope there\u2019s a safe way to approach the situation.", "topic": "domesticviolence", "post_id": "bf4ld5", "comment_id": "bf4ld5"}, {"question": "Does it get better?", "description": "I\u2019m currently in a day program (6hrs/day 5days/week) following one of several involuntary admissions to a psychiatric ward. I try and try to do normal things like go to college and have a job and relationships but time and time again i fuck everything up. My therapist casually mentioned BPD the other day, and when i asked her what it was she explained and said it had been my diagnosis for some time now (apparently everyone but me knew.) I did research on it and it\u2019s like reading my own life story, it\u2019s wild how accurate it is to me. \nWhile I\u2019m happy to have a definitive diagnosis in a way...it seems like this is the worst one I could have gotten. I feel like instead of it being something that I can then go and treat it\u2019s just a confirmation like \u201cyup your minds messed up! Sorry\u201d I\u2019ve been through extensive therapy, medication, everything, and i never feel better.\nHas anyone \u201crecovered\u201d or at least been in remission or lessened their thoughts to a point where they could basically function? ", "answer": "Consistently I hear from and watch clients get to a point where their emotions (thoughts too) are understood as suggestions about the world instead of as reality. That's kinda the entire process in a nutshell. \n\nPeople get there to the extent they take the courageous steps, be okay with it taking two infinities longer than they want it to, and stay alive to witness it happen. So yes people get very very much so better. Not everyone, but from what you've shared so far you have so the qualities of someone with a good prognosis", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7jfo4c", "comment_id": "7jfo4c"}, {"question": "In need of extreme help, I feel like I'm losing all options.", "description": "Me (24/m) and my girlfriend (20/f) have been together for a year and a half. We have a had a great time \"honeymoon phase\" and now currently we talk a little less.. And drives me crazy. A little history on myself I have been cheated on horribly several times before and in very cunning ways. I had to catch them. I am now with my girlfriend and I am trying to steer away from this mind set that everyone is not loyal. We have had arguments about me not changing my ways because I would prefer to know when she goes out (we live together). This was not a problem at all however I work a very high stressful job with a extremely long commute each day and I have horrible mood swings, I'm not sure why. I have been trying to change my ways drastically, we argued badly tonight because she went out to her families wedding and then an after party and I just wanted a update. Now she comes home we argue because I wanted to see why she couldn't give me a text when she was coming home. Keep in mind it is 4am she was out with her best friend and family but while arguing she tells me her family think I am controlling. I talk to them she is always out with them and I try to do anything in my way to help them. She says me being an asshole has gotten her to the point she doesn't know if she does want to be in the relationship anymore. We had a horrible argument 2 weeks ago because she wants to join the military and at first I was opposed, since I promised myself I don't want to date long distance again. Over sometime I eased my self with deep thinking that this is her future and I am willing to accept it, however she still thinks I am opposed to it and I never will get in the way of her future. I have trust issues and insecure and I am willing to make a change however I can but I am overwhelmed. \n\nI know this is a lot I feel like I am breaking down and I want to know what I can do to make things right. I just hate being lonely and not aware of my surroundings in relationships I don't have a problem with being loyal, I just don't trust anyone, and If I do it's hard to hold. When I love its all of it. Please help. ", "answer": "seek couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "671vbl", "comment_id": "671vbl"}, {"question": "19F - since i've been seeing people make powerpoints...", "description": "[...i've decided to make my own!](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1F_J_t4UVlcPLykuHFoI7oXKapwrqKjcDfGplzNsp2Cw/edit?usp=sharing) \n\ndid i spend an hour making it and trying to make it look good instead of doing hw? *...yes.*\n\nwas it worth it? *i don't know, but at least it looks nice. hehe.*", "answer": "I messaged you!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "fxjeg3", "comment_id": "fxjeg3"}, {"question": "im [19/m] and i dont know if she [19/f] feels the same way", "description": "heres the thing, we're best friends and we're not awkward with each other even tho i already told her couple of months ago that i have some feelings for her. we would see each other every weekdays, we always talk during our free time or text rather, and keep each other updated to things, and also plan future hang outs.\n\nshe's not a clingy type. she would sometimes hold my wrist if we're gonna cross the street, we always keep eye to eye contact when we're talking in person.\n\nbut heres something else, today was a bit different. when we we're riding a public vehicle. she sat very close to me and she rested her head on my shoulder and she said that she's feeling sleepy. i took her arm and have it around my arm and she was fine with it.\n\nnow i really cant tell if she feels the same way towards me, shes really good at hiding her true feelings. we always talk about personal things in our life, but im the only one who confessed my feelings. she also said that she hides her social media posts from me because she's somewhat embarrassed to show it to me. but i dont really know if thats the real reason.\n\ni need some advice on what could i do next, the only personal info i could give is my sign is Aries and her's Gemini.", "answer": "ask her", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lm88w", "comment_id": "6lm88w"}, {"question": "What can be the cause of high APTT?", "description": "Age: 19\nSex: F\nHistory of high APTT in family: none\nCurrently changed countries and started university.\nAPTT: 40 seconds\nGeographical location : ontario, canada\n\nMy doctors appointment is two weeks later and I was just curious about the cause, symptoms and cures of high APTT.", "answer": "Is this the only abnormal result? Why was the test ordered in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5nrp3c", "comment_id": "5nrp3c"}, {"question": "Long term effects of Red Wine use: is it really as bad as my friend says it is?", "description": "30 year old male who has no happiness in life; anxiety, depression, OCD, Bipolar, Asperger\u2019s syndrome that makes me super sensitive to sound etc....\n\nWhat would be the long term effects of not exercising from Friday to Sunday and drinking .55 liters of Pinot Noir every F/S/SU until I die?\n\nIs it really as bad as my friend makes it out to be e.g. permanently damaging my liver, brain, and body? I take quite a different stance as I believe in neurogenesis and that stress is worse than alcohol. I have a lot of stress, even from past trauma: the alcohol stops me from thinking about it. No therapist as yet has been able to help. I believe in logotherapy, but most therapists don\u2019t do that because they\u2019d rather just bleed you dry than give you a cure.", "answer": "Alcohol has, on many people, negative physical and mental effects. The amounts you describe certainly are above the recommended daily intake levels in many countries (recommendations differ per region).\n\nIn your case, I'd be most worried about the negative effects on sleep quality and consequently risk of inducing mood instability given you have bipolar disorder. \n\nAlso, as you probably know, alcohol isn't known for its beneficial effects on feeling bad (long term).\n\nMy advice would be to ask yourself what your long term goals are and whether wine is helpful or not in that regard.\n\nI personally expect the right therapist can help you, but I understand motivation/expectations can be an issue if you've had some negative experiences in this regard.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7zlkc", "comment_id": "f7zlkc"}, {"question": "How can you tell whether you\u2019re overreacting or whether your feelings are actually valid?", "description": "I\u2019ve been diagnosed with bpd last month, and ever since then, I\u2019ve been questioning my feelings. Every time I feel upset I start to wonder if it\u2019s because of my bpd or if it\u2019s because it\u2019s okay for me to feel this way. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you differentiate?", "answer": "Confirm with others, be suspicious of the immediate feeling or reaction (give it time), check back in after physiological regulation (a run, swim, workout or nap), be really worried about the \"this always happens!\" Or \"I know what's going to happen next\" feelings, know your themes for over reaction or historical trauma and heavily question when those themes show back up.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "eh2bdk", "comment_id": "eh2bdk"}, {"question": "Girlfriend cheated on me with another girl.", "description": "So my girlfriend told me she'd been with another girl a couple of months ago. They had kissed and touched eachother. I just can't shake it off. I feel betrayed but it also doesn't feel \"that bad\". If she would've cheated on me with another guy i would've have felt way worse and probably wouldn't forgive her but now it feels atleast bearable. But i can't stop thinking about it. I forgave her but now it feels worse when i think about them together... I don't know what to do.", "answer": "she might not be ready for a committed rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgpim", "comment_id": "5kgpim"}, {"question": "I have a lot of questions \ud83d\ude02 I\u2019m at a point in life where I genuinely want to improve myself and I would really appreciate any advice/tips!", "description": "Ahhhh hey! Thanks for clicking on this ^^\nIf you scroll down, you\u2019ll find the questions but the information below this is just to provide context \ud83d\udc93\n\nI would love to introduce myself but I made this account anonymous for privacy haha\n\nBasic background info: 16F\n\nDue to traumatic past experiences like bullying and betrayal, I have trust issues and have developed social anxiety. \n\nTrust me, I don\u2019t want to feel this way. Social anxiety sucks! I grew up as an idealistic child with the ideal that all people are internally good and that might have been one of the things that fucked me up. \n\nI\u2019m over the bullying now and refuse to victimise myself but as the result of bullying, backstabbing, stress and being forced to grow up and mature in a situation that wasn\u2019t very kind to me, I\u2019ve realised that I lack a lot of social skills and at the very least, possibly the ability to detect social cues. When I was a child, people told me to \u201cbe a kid once in a while\u201d and that I was way too mature for my age. I suppose as a kid I thought being mature was a good thing (and I still suppose it is today), but I ended up getting along better with adults then I did with children (or as of now, teenagers)\n\nIf I talk about my past, this will be too long to read \ud83d\ude02 So I\u2019ll try to get to the point. Things are better now and I do have people who care for me and I\u2019m SUPER super grateful for them. But I\u2019m super introverted now, I find small talk kinda boring sometimes and have no idea how to make it and I\u2019m curious to know how to converse better and how to gain people\u2019s respect. \n\nI don\u2019t have a lot of things in common with the girls in my class and although I do have common interests with some of the boys, some of them don\u2019t talk openly with me in class because the girls and boys in my class typically don\u2019t talk to each other. I wanna talk and learn about politics, history, philosophy and maybe even fashion! I\u2019m literally okay with talking about most things but uwu it doesn\u2019t seem to be working well. I\u2019m even open to talking about things I know nothing about because it\u2019s fun to learn about new things but gah so far some of my attempts have been unsuccessful and I wanna increase the success rate ya know? \ud83e\udd2a\u263a\ufe0f\n\nI\u2019m leaving a lot of info out uwu but this is my first post so I hope it isn\u2019t too hard to read! \n\nQUESTIONS:\n1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\n6) Any of y\u2019all want to be friends? Or senseis, or moms or bros :p \u270a\ud83c\udffb We love a good sista \ud83d\ude0c\u2728\n\n\nBy the way, thanks! I appreciate any help I can get lmaoo. Even if you don\u2019t say anything (because you don\u2019t know what to say or you\u2019re not really into commenting), thank you for being here, I appreciate you! Ahhhh I have so many questions that hasn\u2019t come to my head yet but I hope I did okay. Again, thanks everybody! \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\nPractice, practice, practice. Every single person on earth has anxiety to some degree. The more you avoid things that cause your anxiety, the worse it gets, the more you confront things that cause your anxiety and do it anyway, the more manageable it becomes, though it never goes away completely for anyone. \n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\nSimple.... you can't. If you can't identify a similar interest or something you have in common, you won't be able to click with them. I do believe though if you and the other person are open and willing, if you try hard enough, no matter who they are you can find at least one thing in common with them. \n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\nFind role-models. They can be real people you know, famous people, fictional characters. Pick out a few people who are very good at particular social skills you want to work on. Observe how they act and conduct themselves and practice imitating it. Eventually, it'll feel less forced and become part of how you naturally act. \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\nIt sounds like you're an introvert. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Although it's a bit of a long and heavy read, I'd recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain. It'll help you feel less guilty or bad about being introverted. One thing introverts do in situations like this that often helps is to pick out 1 or 2 people in the larger group and focus on connecting on a deeper level with them instead of trying to do the proverbial extrovert behavior of \"working the room\". \n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\nThis is something that the majority of people experience. The thing is, you can't read their minds or know what's going on inside for them, while you know exactly what's going on for you. Just like you can't read others minds and see their anxiety, others can't see yours most of the time, even if it feels like they can. Be mindful of this and work on accepting that most folks are more anxious and guarded upon meeting new people until they've gotten to know them. There's nothing inherently wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "el9elt", "comment_id": "el9elt"}, {"question": "today a co-worker said that i look real sad", "description": "\"no no, im just lost in my thoughts haha\"", "answer": "Yesterday at work I said something along the lines of \u201cwhen I don\u2019t get enough sleep I get REALLY crabby\u201d and someone laughed and said \u201cYOU get crabby?? I CANNOT picture you even remotely crabby!\u201d This same person also laughed in disbelief when I said I was very introverted.\n\nHigh functioning dysthymia - where you\u2019re always exhausted and numb but no one believes your pain! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91fiih", "comment_id": "91fiih"}, {"question": "I was unfit for work", "description": "Graduated as a registered nurse in 2017. \n\n2018 I worked as a registered nurse. \n\nStart of 2019, i resigned because I was suicidal. Have had multiple car accidents and overdoses. So I was in psychiatry and psychology all throughout 2019. \n\nIt's now 2020 and i want to get back into practice but employers will ask me where I have been and why I have to be monitored/supervised for medication administration.\n \nShould the gap be mentioned in my resume? To keep it real, or to not keep it real? What do I say without going into all this detail? And will I be able to find work again due to what has happened in 2019?", "answer": "In practice you should be honest (probity is pretty important in healthcare...). Lying about your health and then suffering a relapse in the future is just going to ruin your life more than disclosing it from the outset. You could be referred to whatever nursing regulatory agency that provides your nursing registration.\n\nDepending on your country, youll have legislation that prohibits discrimination on health grounds. In the UK any significant health condition needs to be disclosed but its not considered in any application or interview.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f7ryzv", "comment_id": "f7ryzv"}, {"question": "I'm [22F] TOO emotional and sensitive. I take things to personally, and it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend [23M]. How do I overcome this?", "description": "Ugh, where to begin. My boyfriend and I been together for 7.5 years. I'm really emotional, clingy and needy and he's not. I need attention from my boyfriend not constant attention but enough to keep me satisfied. If I don't get it, my mind starts racing with negative thoughts and try to figure out what I did to him to be acting like this. I hate this it's so immature. \n\nLike for example, we were supposed to go to the gym together. He canceled because he didn't feel like going and wanted to hang out with his buddys instead. I got a little upset about it. I didn't want him to go hang out with his friends. \n\nLast week, I texted him \"goodnight I love you\" he responded saying \"whatever\". I told if everything was fine he didn't respond and I start to freak out. Sometimes he will say mean jokes I take them personally. \n\nToday, I called him twice and sent him a few messages. He didn't respond. I started freaking out. He later called me and told me he was taking a nap. \n\nI too emotional how can I fix this? Honestly I don't know why I've been very emotional. Sorry english isn't my first language ", "answer": "his actions are inappropriate. hard to know if you're too needy until you're with a more considerate, loving kind of guy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xscqx", "comment_id": "6xscqx"}, {"question": "My little brother killed himself", "description": "Hi, all. \n\nI'll get straight to the point--a few weeks ago, my little brother killed himself, and I found him. I've been haunted by the image of it, as well as the reality that's come along with it... especially at night, when I try to sleep. I didn't have much sobriety time prior to this, but I felt as though I was doing better. \n\nNaturally, the first thing I did once everything had sort of simmered down the night it happened was go buy a case of beer. Same old story. I was overwhelmed and I just wanted to escape. Essentially, I'm just doing what I've always done--drinking to erase pain, memory, et cetera... \n\nI don't really know where I'm going with this, honestly. I suppose I'm just asking those that have unfortunately been through something similar (and I'm terribly sorry if you have)... how did you deal with it? Or even any sort of horribly traumatic event? Is there a viable alternative to dealing with the pain besides drowning it? I need help of some kind because I don't know what I'm doing. ", "answer": "Thanks for telling us your story. It has helped me resist the urge to kill myself. I have remained sober a very long time and have had periodic bouts with severe depression. Please remember that people kill themselves because their minds cannot see a way out of the pain. I wish you peace and may your brother rest in peace. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3j2zry", "comment_id": "3j2zry"}, {"question": "200 days today and I'm seriously considering drinking.", "description": "I'm laying in bed and my family is not here. I'm thinking about going to grab some cash out of the atm and go to the store and just get a little bottle. Nothing bad has happened to me and life is good but I just want to check out. **UPDATE*** I WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT 4 MINI BOTTLES AND GOT HOME MIXED WITH COKE STARED AT IT AND THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT POSTED I FOUND THE STRENGTH TO DUMP IT DOWN THE TOILET. I WAS SHAKING AFTER I DUMPED IT. IWNFDWYT!!", "answer": "Well done mate... seriously, that\u2019s really brave. IWNDWYT \n\nAre you relieved? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o5quk", "comment_id": "9o5quk"}, {"question": "Hey guys. Do any of you know of any good reading material on Asperger's syndrome?", "description": "Anything - from novels to nonfiction.", "answer": "[Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome](http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698)\n\nI bought it for my girlfriend and entire family when I \"came out.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dmz0w", "comment_id": "1dmz0w"}, {"question": "Trauma from not being able to do my special interest anymore.", "description": "This may be an unusual post. I\u2019ve never been able to find the correct wording when searching for it on Google.\n\nOkay, so I used to be a very good baseball pitcher for my age (I was 15-16 years old the last time I played). But I then injured my arm & never went through with the process to recover. I did physical therapy for a short while, but I knew it was going to require surgery and knew that my parents weren\u2019t going to be able to afford/pay for it.\n\nI\u2019m 22 now...so that life is now behind me. But to this day, it\u2019s still the only thing I\u2019ve ever cared about. We aspies tend to have very limited interests, so I wanted to know if any of you ever had a passion that was ripped away from you. \n\nHow can I let this go and find something to be passionate about again?", "answer": "I have experienced something similar. There is definitely a lot of grief associated with a loss of identity like you are talking about, and I think everyone goes through some version of such a loss, often many, throughout their lives. It can be very painful. I wonder if instead of letting it go, you could find a new way to relate to it? Like studying baseball instead of playing it, maybe from a perspective of history or physics or stats, or following baseball teams or players, going to games (when this pandemic is over), writing a book or a blog or creating something like a baseball-related podcast or some baseball-related art, coaching little league or playing on local teams etc. Does that feel too painful or do you think it is something you could enjoy in a different way? It might also help to find something \"new,\" but I think to find that you're just going to have to do a lot of exploration and experimentation to figure out what feeds you.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "g7964y", "comment_id": "g7964y"}, {"question": "Not sure if victim or my fault. What age is qualified to consent?", "description": "I've wanted to go to counseling for a long time because of this, but I'm always afraid of it screwing up my daily life. I don't want to dredge the stuff I keep in a box in the back of my mind locked away and then have breakdowns at work or home. That being said, it still comes up and I just get anxiety, act weird or try really hard to not think about it till it goes away. \nAs I get older (28F) I have begun to think that what happened was consensual and I just need to stop making so much of it in my head. But if I look at it as if it happened to someone else I would grab a pitch fork and go after these people to help that person. \n\nSo, that's the my predicament. If I can have some help from this that would be great, if not I'm where I started anyway. \n\nParents divorced when little, father was a single parent until 4th grade, he met a woman with 2 older boys, 3 and 5 years older than me, they moved in that year. The first year of middle school, grade 7, I lost my virginity at age 12 to a boy that was friends with the younger step brother. He told me over the phone he would be my \"bf\" if I had sex with him. I kinda knew what sex was, but wasn't too sure. I was an ugly duckling so I agreed. Later that year that (15/16yo) stepbrother started having sex w/ me. He came home one night high and started touching me. I don't know why I didn't say anything or stop him. Then when we all went to bed he came to my bunkbed and told me to go in the bathroom. We had sex, which required I left my own bed and did this. \n This went on for 2 years. We were almost caught in the middle of the night by his mother, I hid in the closet, she pulled me out by the hair and sent me to my room. No questions were asked and soon after that they made me go to my first annual exam and I was put on birth control. My 2 best friends knew but I swore them to secrecy and besides the sexual part he would beat me up/wrestle roughly when no one else was home. \n When I got my first high school boyfriend all this stopped. I told my bf and he told me he would keep my safe from him. Now that I was in my second year of high school that step brother had moved out so I wasn't ever around him. When I turned 18 I moved across the county and cut off contact with that part of my family. \n Every year since they moved in the woman my father married emotionally/verbally abused me. I thought I was fat, was anorexic and bulimic, had very low confidence and tried to work as much as possible to stay away from home. \n\nThe things I am angry about: I am fairly sure she knew, and that my father did as well. I'm angry they didn't protect me. I'm angry he closed his eyes to something so obvious. \nI'm angry at myself, for leaving as quickly as I could (moved out the day I graduated) and left my little sis in that mess (she's 3 years younger) I'm even more angry she might have been abused by him too. \n\nThings I'm not even sure about: I don't know if I was sexually abused. I let this happen. I was a very intelligent child, had a high reading comprehension, witty and sociable. The sociable part died the longer the woman was around. I turned into a shy person until my early 20's because I thought everything that came out of my mouth was stupid. So how could that smart child let that happen with very little cohesion? I wasn't being bribed or blackmailed. Am I making up being abused if I consented? Even if I was a minor? I am checking out the links in the side bar. Thanks for anyone who read this long story. It's complicated, as are my thoughts on it. \n", "answer": "Everything in your story says you did not consent. You were abused, and the people who should have protected you turned a blind eye. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Please reconsider therapy, you may find it does a lot of good in helping you let go of some of the blame you are carrying for this.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "1pwiwh", "comment_id": "1pwiwh"}, {"question": "I have no understanding of how a relationship works...", "description": "My parents' marriage stopped being happy by the time I can remember, my mom is a horrible female role model (who is barely a part of my life), and all of the other romantic relationships I grew up with (grandparents, aunt and uncles, etc.) were all equally dysfunctional. As a result I have no understanding of how a romantic relationship actually works. Or how flirting works. I watch couples around me play and flirt and it just makes no sense to me.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Role models play a huge part in how we conceptualize and understand relationships, especially romantic ones. \n\n\nUnfortunately for you, you don't seem to have any positive role models to point to a relationship and say \"That looks healthy. I want a relationship like that.\" \n\nOn the other hand, it sounds like you have many examples of anti-role models where you can say \"I'm not quite sure what I want, but I know I don't want that!\" \n\n\nFiguring out what you don't want is just as hard as figuring out what you do want for many folks. The best advice I can give is to try to seek out couples who's relationships appear to be healthy and either ask or observe how they are and interact with each other. \n\n\nIn terms of flirting, nobody flirts the exact same way. The underlying idea is to playfully and subtly show the person you're flirting with that you're attracted to them and would like more than just a platonic friendship without having to explicitly say it. That being said, doing subtle things that you might not do with someone you were only interested in as a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dpqzu7", "comment_id": "dpqzu7"}, {"question": "Podcasts or videos for anxiety?", "description": "Hello. I'm new here but I've had emetophobia for 17 years. I've recently gotten back into therapy. One thing I talked about with my therapist was how I constantly wake up in the middle of the night extremely anxious, most of the time because I get anxious that I'll be sick. Once I'm up, I usually can't fall back asleep for a few hours because of the anxiety. She suggested to find some podcasts or even videos to keep close by to turn on when this happens. I'm wondering if anyone has listened to any podcasts or anything that has been helpful for anxiety, or even just any interesting podcasts that could take my mind off of things. Any suggestions would be helpful! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hey there! For reducing general feelings of anxiety, mindfulness and progressive relaxation videos on YouTube are nice. For distraction, I personally love nerdy stuff like history documentaries and science shows! My favorite YouTube channels for that stuff are AllThemedDocs (documentaries) and VSauce (science)!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7czsr4", "comment_id": "7czsr4"}, {"question": "What happens after I give up my cats for allergic partner?", "description": "I'm [30s/f] with a wonderful man [30s/m] who is unfortunately severely allergic to my 2 cats. He can't and won't live with cats. He's not willing to try the medication or filters or anything else, and there isn't really a compromise that involves keeping the cats.\n\nI LOVE my cats, but I love people more and I want a future with this man. My family will take the cats, and they will have a very happy life with them where I can visit. Rationally, I accept that this is what is best for my partner, the cats, the relationship, and my future.\n\nEmotionally, however, this sad conclusion isn't sitting well. I cry about this a lot. \n\nWhat I wonder about is, how will I feel when they are gone? Will I always feel an emptiness when I open the door and don't see furry friends running up to greet me? When I'm watching tv and they are not there leaning against me or on my lap? When I see friends posting pics on FB of their furry friends?\n\nI hope and pray that we will have children soon, and I know that will be a far more powerful bond and love than the cats. But I worry about how I will feel if that takes a long time, as it very well might. Will I miss the cats forever? Will I be able to not hold it against him?", "answer": "My wife gave up her cats for me in 1978. Of course there were no allergy shots for cats back then. I would have taken them. Now I sleep with our cat and dog, as my allergies waned over time. it's tough when you love animals. He's making a choice too; a choice to not even try. A tough one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fb9u0", "comment_id": "6fb9u0"}, {"question": "(M/14) I'm confused about a guy (M/14)", "description": "I've had a crush for a girl for 2 years now, and she rejected me a year ago. I met a hot, smart, charismatic boy when school started up again, and he's got me so f----ng confused. My feelings for the girl seem to be on and off, and she hates me. I've got a chance with this boy, though. But when the feelings aren't there, I keep wanting them back, and... Ugh, I'm so confused about them. Could I please get some advice?", "answer": "Like the guy? Hang out with the guy. If he\u2019s down, make out with the guy. \nLike the girl who hates you and has rejected you? Avoid the girl.\n\nSometimes have strong feelings that come and go? Normal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "759o6n", "comment_id": "759o6n"}, {"question": "I'm in hospital still because my ptsd got really bad again. Just came home for the weekend and my house has been broken into and trashed.", "description": "That's it really. Just don't think any one without active ptsd would understand how few places you ever feel safe and my only one is destroyed. But I'm rebuilding. I shut down completely for about 24 hours and had to be taken back to Hosp. Couldn't move, couldn't speak, think and could barely hear or see anything. \n\nI was told to try and not engage in hyper vigilance but that was already hard. I'm holding my own now.\n\nWe have no money, they couldn't have picked a worse house. I'm on a disability social welfare payment and my partner works part time. \n\nThere was no back door when I walked in. That's been fixed already. \n\nThey took and broke things. Maybe about \u20ac4000 worth of stuff. All the jewellery my mother left me. All our consoles,ps3 ps4, even our old Sega's.\n\nBut things that were home, ours. Smashed jars of garden seed I've collected over the years. House plants that were my parents and then mine that were even older than me.\n\nI've put it all back together.\n\nI'm fighting those thoughts that say I was an idiot to work all these years to not constantly feel ready for the next attack. The next time the rug was pulled out from under me. For fighting against an illness that tells me I am always moments from disaster.\n\nI am angry that I do work so hard and I have done so well that this has happened.\n\nBut I'll keep trying. And it's OK.\n\nI love my home. And I love my friends and I will keep working and trying as long as I need, to get every good thing out of life and to lose as little of it as possible to my ptsd.\n\n\nThis would be hard for any one.\n\nI do think there are few illnesses worse than ptsd to have when this kind of thing happens.\n\n\nBut I kick ass and will continue to after this.\n\n\nPS. People who break into houses are assholes.", "answer": "Fantastic attitude! You can't control the world but you have half a shot at determining how to approach it", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2uazxw", "comment_id": "2uazxw"}, {"question": "My (17/F) Boyfriend (18/M) is letting his baby mama stay with him and his grandmother because she has no where to go. We are in a long distance relationship, and I was just wondering if it's okay to be anxious about it?", "description": "Honestly, I don't know how to completely explain this. I'm a 17 year old female as stated above. I guess I just want to make sure what I'm feeling is normal? My Boyfriend (18) and I are in a completely serious relationship. I know what you're thinking. I'm 'too' young to know what love is or whatever. But, it's an completely different situation with us. I'll explain why in just a second. \nOkay, let me start by explaining the background between us. My boyfriend and I met my freshman year of High School. We were just friends, but I always had feelings for him. Then, my sophomore year, he got the only girl he had ever been with pregnant. He was 15 and she was 17. I was only 14 at the time. We still managed to be bestfriends and he would talk to me about all the problems that him and his girlfriend where having. He said he was only staying with her because of his child she was having. They were always having lots of problems. And after his daughter (now 2) was born, his girlfriend and him moved to Florida so he could be with his very sick grandfather. We still kept in touch and he would talk to me when he was having problems. Then, him and his baby mama broke up because she was cheating on him with this guy who lived down there. She, then, moved in with the boyfriend. My boyfriend has custody of his daughter( The baby's mom did some things that are completely unforgiveable). \nNow to my problem, me and my boyfriend have a great relationship full of trust and love. I am certain he would never cheat on me, he is the sweetest thing and knows what it's like to be cheated on. However, we are in a long distance relationship because I have to finish High School. However, I plan on moving down there after graduation, and attending college. We also try to fly or drive to see each other as frequently as possible. (I live in Georgia; Him in Florida).\nI get along great with his family and his 2 year old daughter. But, recently his baby mama and boyfriend broke up. So, now she is living with my boyfriend and his grandmother. His grandmother is a kind woman and knows she has no family down there. She also knows that she is the child's mom and doesn't want her on the streets.\nShould I be concerned? Or is it normal to have anxiety over it? I completely trust my boyfriend and he lets me know everyday that I'm the only one he wants. His baby mama sleeps in a completely different room, and my boyfriend says they hardly talk. He has had feelings of hatred towards her of not wanting to be there for the child and for cheating on him for a while now. But, I still get nervous about it, I don't know, is that stupid? I'm just not living there to know how they act together and my mom asked me today if I thought it was weird. I really love him and I trust him, I just need to know if it's okay to feel the way I do? ", "answer": "it comes down to trusting him or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0rd", "comment_id": "5kc0rd"}, {"question": "Can anyone answer a few questions?", "description": "I do not have bulimia and do not want it but I have some questions.\n\n1. Do you guys like throwing up? If so why?\n2. Do you guys get grossed out by other people throwing up?\n3. Do you care if you get the flu or anything like that?", "answer": "1) sometimes. Because you know when you\u2019re done that you\u2019re empty and clean again\n\n2) my #1 phobia, actually\n\n3) while it gives me an \u201cexcuse\u201d, I\u2019d rather be in control", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "cgliay", "comment_id": "cgliay"}, {"question": "Is it safe to get vaccinated when you have Chronic Lyme?", "description": "Me: 31F, 5\u20194\u201d; 125 lbs, white, New England. \nOther person: 9F, 50?lbs, white, New England. \n\nI recently discovered my daughters friend has not vaccinated her children. She claims this is because they have Chronic Lyme Disease so it is not safe for them to be vaccinated. I\u2019ve been told that this child does not have an active infection but instead, was born with Lyme disease, and has \u201ccompromised having Lyme and MTHFR genetic markers, she\u2019s actually more at risk having the vaccine\u201d. \n\nI have an organ transplant, and take two immunosuppressants (Prograft and Prednisone). My transplant team has advised me that it is safe for me to receive vaccines except for live vaccines, so it doesn\u2019t make sense to me that Lyme would be a good reason to avoid vaccination. Because these folks also believe in a bunch of other weird stuff like essential oils and healing crystals, I am doubting that a doctor actually told them this. \n\nWould Chronic Lyme Disease be a legitimate reason to not get vaccinated? \n\nThank you. ", "answer": "Chronic Lyme disease is not a medically recognized disease. It is not real. Congenital Lyme is possible, but it\u2019s extremely rare and usually diagnosed by the same quacks who diagnose chronic Lyme. Those quacks may be MDs, but they\u2019re still not practicing standard medicine. Various MTHFR alleles are real but have no recognized clinical significance.\n\nUsually being immunocompromised is extra reason to get vaccinated. You want all the immunity you can get! There are cases where it\u2019s futile and some vaccines with live viruses where it is riskier, but plenty of vaccines are recommended.\n\nIn short, no, this story doesn\u2019t make sense and the child should get vaccines. But various types of pseudo-medicine often go together, and opposition to vaccines, chronic Lyme, MTHFR, and crystals can all fall under that umbrella.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0oh9k", "comment_id": "a0oh9k"}, {"question": "A possible theory for why ADHD is so highly comorbid with BPD", "description": "So apparently around 25% of people with BPD also have ADHD...\n\nWhat could account for this other than ADHD predisposing people to developing these kinds of disorders because of increased sensitivity or something? And since ADHD is highly genetic, children with ADHD are more likely to have parents with ADHD who are therefore more likely to well not be very good parents to say the least... \n\ne.g. My dad displays many ADHD symptoms and had a lot of issues growing up (and his suspected ADHD may have predisposed him to developing these issues), which negatively affected my upbringing... I was also just surrounded by a lot of violent behaviour growing up, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of those perpetrators of violence also suffered from something like ADHD... \n\nI was surrounded by quite a bit of destructive alcoholism and alcoholism is statistically higher among those with ADHD...\n\nso I don't know...\n\nwhy do you think that ADHD and BPD are highly comorbid? ", "answer": "As someone with adhd, Intensity is one way to activate me to be able to focus and concentrate. So it makes sense ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7a2stw", "comment_id": "7a2stw"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm destroying my own life with my own hands.", "description": "Update to this: https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/46gykl/im_destroying_my_own_life_with_my_own_hands/\n\nSo... I'm broke, so I couldn't see a doctor. But I did check into the ER late last Saturday night. I went alone on the bus and walked through downtown to the hospital covered by my insurance, at almost midnight. Some asshole hollered at me from up in a parking garage and I flipped them off. As I drunkenly made my way to the hospital, terrified and frustrated, I could hear the jerk say something like \"Oh, she thinks she's badass.\"\n\nNo, I didn't. I don't. I was lost and scared and going to get help.\n\nThe ER was pretty much empty, everyone asked me why, at the age of 23, I was drinking so much. It was pretty awful to think about but they mostly seemed to be good intentioned. After taking my blood, they told me my BAC was either .341 or .314, I can't really remember. I hope it was .314, because then I could consider the day I decided to live my \"pi\" day (I know it's 3.14 but I still like the idea).\n\nThey kept me from Saturday night to Monday afternoon. I couldn't walk on my own and had to call a nurse every time I needed to use the bathroom. I had a stationary IV needle in my arm and had three IV drips, two were rally packs, and one was just a hydrating saline mixture. I was given ativan to help with my tremors and the possibility of seizures.\n\nMy BPM was 116 when I was admitted. My blood pressure was somewhere around 170/130. They gave me an ultrasound so they could see my organs. It was a harrowing experience. I never want to go through it again. And having to miss work on Monday means I won't be able to pay my rent.\n\nBut that's okay. Because I'm going to be alive. Yeah, I still want to drink. It's habitually entwined in my life, but I know that urge will dissipate slowly into the background. I know I can beat this.\n\nI've been 100% sober since Monday, my first fully sober day in over a year.\n\nMy BF is proud. My friends are proud. My boss even texted me to let me know he's proud. And my family will never know my dark secret, which will remain in the past.\n\nThank you, r/stopdrinking. I'll be a new regular here. :)", "answer": "What a huge step you've made. Everything you mentioned is a small battle. You're strong for getting yourself to the hospital - getting through those rough days- and being honest with yourself and others. You should be proud of your big step. I will not drink with you today. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "47f4bm", "comment_id": "47f4bm"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "9cdqvu"}, {"question": "Can't trust myself", "description": "So I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. I suffer with mental illness, in the past I used drugs to cope but I have recently went to rehab and solved that problem. But in my mind I'm always feeling something that I don't let everybody else see. I feel so fake like I want everyone to know the truth about me. But now I also have this belief that everyone is fake, and now I'm not able to trust anymore because I can't trust myself. I love my girlfriend but I feel as though I'm not enough because my mental illness puts some restrictions on my life. Should I take some time to work on myself or stay with the girl of my dreams and try to get better?", "answer": "I assume you have a therapist and take meds. Be open and honest. If the relationship is strong, you'll work through it together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tg4j", "comment_id": "70tg4j"}, {"question": "I know it works.. so why is it so damn hard to stay motivated?", "description": "Over the past few months, I've begun to do basic weight training about once a week. My initial and ongoing goal is to build muscle, but it had the secondary benefit of improving my mental health. I feel more balanced and less moody than I have been in the past. \n\nHowever, often (on days like today) when I don't have any plans or pressing obligations and the weather is dreary, I just want to lay in bed. \n\nIt's a conundrum that the thing that would likely make me feel better is the last thing that I want to do. I will be better in a day or two when I'm back at work being productive. It's really frustrating that I have such a hard time enjoying time off. \n\nI have been able to force myself to walk, which is a good thing. Outside of that, I basically wait for my body and mind to reset. \n\nHow regimented are you all? Do you have some days when exercise is completely out of the question? \n\n", "answer": "My main goal is just dont quit. I go twice a week and make it as fun as possible (I do meditation, cardio, have a snack, and change my actual work out whenever.) I don't make big gains, but that's not my goal. When I don't feel like going, I just wear my clothes, and try for 5 min. Most of the time, I finish my workout. I also go right after work, so it's part of my scheduled. Basically, I minimize the choices (when, what to do, how I will do it, etc) and maximize the fun (have a snack, do exercises I like, listen to music, etc.)", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "34xs93", "comment_id": "34xs93"}, {"question": "Mental health care in the US is a joke.", "description": "My doctor: does this medicine work for you?\n\nMe: No. I feel no different on it. \n\nDoctor: I\u2019m gonna up the dosage. \n\nMe: But it doesn\u2019t work\n\nDoctor: \u00af\\_(\u30c4)_/\u00af", "answer": "One thing I can say that was very frightening and eye opening working in the field and working closely with psychiatrists was the reality that medicine is in no way shape or form an exact science. In almost any given circumstance, doctor's don't know what will work but make the best educated guess and then look at the results to inform their next decision. \n\n\nWith psychiatric medicine it's even more guesswork as there aren't really any tests to objectively measure most psychiatric symptoms compared to say X-rays for broken bones. \n\n\nOf course like with any profession, some psychiatrists are much better at making their educated guesses than others, but for most folks finding the best medication regimen is going to be a trial and error process. Sometimes meds that WILL be the best aren't effective at lower doses. Sometimes it requires a different type of medication. Some psych meds cause more side effects than others, so in most cases, doctors will try various meds or different doses that cause less side effects before moving on to other medications where the side effects may be worse than the presenting problem. \n\n\nI understand your frustration and there are plenty of problems with healthcare and especially mental healthcare in the U.S. when it comes to very high costs, access to treatment, etc. but as far as I know this sort of trial and error process isn't different in the U.S. from anywhere else in regards to psychiatric care. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91tclv", "comment_id": "91tclv"}, {"question": "DAE not mind being alone?", "description": "Anybody else relate? I prefer being alone, to be honest. I used to hate it. I used to jump from one relationship to another with no break in-between and constantly wanted to talk to somebody. I don't know why this has changed? Then again, people are huge triggers to me and I'm better off without them. I've emotionally shut off now. I know it's a defence mechanism and it's unhealthy but I've been okay this way. \n\nI see pwBPD often saying they hate being alone, but I can't relate to that anymore. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts, even though they're overwhelming sometimes.", "answer": "I often prefer it. No social paranoia or anxious self-consciousness ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7jiljt", "comment_id": "7jiljt"}, {"question": "Might have swallowed something dangerous, need some opinions on what to do.", "description": "I was eating some chili from Wendy's just now and I bit down on the fork too hard I guess, for two of the prongs broke off near their tops, and somehow one of them made a beeline straight down my throat. \n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/FHUMl\n\nThere's a picture of the remains, what I swallowed is essentially the same size of the smaller broken off piece there. \n\nIs this gonna fuck with my intestines passing it? I'm kind of thinking what I swallowed is way too small to do anything, but since it is a fucking pointy sharp piece, I'm a little worried...", "answer": "I'd probably feel the same. It's likely to pass through without causing any problems.\n\nThankfully the human body has evolved to tolerate such indiscretions or we would have died as a species a long time ago.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5itbv8", "comment_id": "5itbv8"}, {"question": "My [31/f] Boyfriend [33/m] of 13 years confessed to cheating.", "description": "My boyfriend of over 13 years confessed that he's cheating on me. We have a 11 year old daughter. I had a feeling but no proof for over a month now. Before he confessed, we were having problems and he was picking on me, so I told him I wanted a break. I wanted to give him a break from me because I had a feeling he was cheating on me. He knew he was getting \"caught\" when I would ask him questions and make statements. Ever since he told me, I have anxiety and depression. I can't eat and sleep. We are not together but still live with each other. He is still talking to her. I made a reddit account because I cannot talk to anyone else about this. ", "answer": "You should see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wgc3y", "comment_id": "6wgc3y"}, {"question": "DHEA/Testosterone levels", "description": "So my diagnosis a while back was in contention. One doctor diagnosed me because of elevated DHEA and minutely high A1c. My home GP disagreed because my testosterone levels weren't elevated at all - free, calcium bound, or total. Anyone else is a similar boat? Elevated DHEA but normal testosterone?", "answer": "Yep, I have elevated DHEA-S but normal testosterone (free and total), and a PCOS diagnosis. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "424877", "comment_id": "424877"}, {"question": "Anyone with ADHD work as a practising Psychologist? Does it affect your work?", "description": "I am in my final year of university before becoming a psych and the intensity of study + ADD is really adding up. Might have to pursue medication as I've been trying to write a report for 5 days now but my brain feels like it's being ripped apart when I try to focus. Wondering how this could affect my future career goals and your experience. Thanks!", "answer": "I do :)\n\nI have to admit, after medication I became a better psychologist. But I did it without medication well anyway. The only thing it really I pacts is my ability to follow the whole conversation, not just aspects. On meds I can remember what they've said, notice their affect, do something with it all and reflect it in a way that makes sense.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ij8jl4", "comment_id": "ij8jl4"}, {"question": "Need help to process.", "description": "Hi, so i was drinking with my friends and my girlfriend and we are engaged we were drinking in my friends house everything was fine untill my gf said could you please bring me water so i went to take water for her and boom i open the door and she ia cuddling with one guy. What to think she says that it was faked so she could see my reaction btw she has cheated on me before \n\nWhat do i do what to think..?\n", "answer": "i'd worry", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6741z8", "comment_id": "6741z8"}, {"question": "H. pylori - do all family members need to be checked out?", "description": "My mother (52 years old, about 5'5\", probably around 140 lbs, Asian, located in Los Angeles County) was tested positive for H. pylori. She was prescribed Biaxin, Amoxicillin, and Prevacid (twice a day for 14 days). She had an upper endoscopy performed and I believe her results included ulcers.\n\nWe all live together under one roof (mother, father, my sister, my husband, and myself). My mother does all the cooking on a daily basis.\n\nDo all of us need to be tested for H. pylori as well? If so, do we need to take the medications in the same 14-day period? My mother has not started taking her medications yet because she is concerned about the side effects (she is prone to headaches and nausea) and thinks that if we also test positive, that we should all start and finish the medications at the same time.\n\nHelp would be much appreciated, thanks!", "answer": "Theres no need to check everyone, only individuals with symptoms that might suggest H Pylori infection.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p1d01", "comment_id": "5p1d01"}, {"question": "Hung out with a girl and made it awkward now what?", "description": "I don't know how to undo the issue and I feel kinda bad about it", "answer": "Find out if you have any shared interests. Make a plan to do that. Even if not, suggesting something like games or recreation activities are generally great date ideas if you're on the younger side. Mini-golf, shooting pool, going ice or roller skating, or anything along those lines. They give you something to do but also the opportunity to talk, get to know each other, and flirt as opposed to say watching tv or going to the movies. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "938xg3", "comment_id": "938xg3"}, {"question": "29M 6'0'' 155ishLBs Just had my sixth 'Seizure' I have been to 4 different hospitals and nobody seems to know why.", "description": "To be frank, no doctor has ever diagnosed me with a seizure, by the time I make it to the hospital the worst has passed and I am in a somewhat normal physical state at that point. I will also add that I am extremely stubborn and will refuse to go so a professional unless I fear for my life(I'm American)\n\nMoving forward, I am going to describe each instance and what treatment or aftermath came from it.\n\n1st Instance, Spring 2015 2ish PM: I was at work in a restaurant doing my prep work before service when I noticed something was wrong. I started to feel the \"pins and needles\" feeling you get from a limb that fell asleep, but I felt it in my head. This was odd but I didn't think much of it at the time. Very shortly after the feeling spread throughout my body which at that point concerned me so I told my boss and asked if I could go to the hospital(20 minute drive). A few minutes into my drive my hands started to \"clench\", and then my arms to the point I had to pull over and call a family member to come get me. Waiting for them the \"clenching\" spread through my arms and legs but I still had my wits and was capable of being somewhat mobile. I waited about 15 minutes before family showed up and brought me to the hospital, upon arrival the worst had passed. They put me on an IV drip, monitored me for a few hours and then sent me home. No Diagnoses or explanation\n\n2nd Instance, Fall 2016 8ish PM: Living in a different state with other family. When I noticed something wrong I was sitting at my computer watching youtube videos or playing games something like that. I felt the pins and needles, thought it was odd, then my hands and arms started to clench, this time I could also feel the muscles in my face start to contract(?) so I got scared. Called my sister and she left work, picked me up and took me to the hospital about 30 minutes after the initial symptoms. Still Mobile, still coherent. I was given an IV drip, no diagnoses, no explanation.\n\n3rd instance, spring 2017 2ish AM: In another state again, sitting in my living room watching TV when I notice the pins and needles. It's the middle of the night so I lay back and try to breath my way through it. clenching starts in my face and arms so I get worried and wake my roommate to take me to ER. Again, they give me an IV drip, monitor me for a few hours and send me home. This time they tell me they believe I have a potassium deficiency and I need to adjust my diet. But I'm a professional chef and my diet is very well rounded and the list of foods they told me to eat, I eat regularly.\n\n4th Instance, August 10th 2019, 4ish PM: I'm at the park with my family and friends for my sons first birthday party. I ran the grill, made food for everyone, did cake and presents and whatnot. As the party ends and we are packing everything up I start feeling unwell and the pins start in. Had my mom drive me home to lay down, told her if I didnt feel better by the time she got back we would go to ER. I lay on my couch and try to breath my way through it but it gets worse, clenching in hands, arms, legs, chest. I realize this and I struggle to call my mom and tell her she needs to take me to the ER. Then I layed back flat and waited. This was the worst and scariest incident. By the time my mom got to the house, maybe 10 minutes, my entire body had become \"clenched\"(theres probably a better word for this) I was laying on the ground, immobile, all the muscles in my body were acting against me and it was very painful. When she walked in the door I tried to say \"911\" but I wasnt fully able to move my mouth or produce words so it took a few attempts before she understood what I meant, I think. Maybe she didnt understand me but understood the severity of the situation. Ambulance comes, I'm surrounded by EMT's and I remember struggling to ask them just to stretch out my limbs, my arms, my fingers because they hurt so bad from being clenched. I dont remember what was happening around me but I vividly remember what was happening internally(?) and near me. They put me on a thing and wheeled me to the ambulance, hooked an IV in and then god it felt like years before we actually started to move but they took me to the ER(the hospital is a 5 minute drive from my house) When they got me into a room I had regained most of my clarity. My arms still weren't functioning correctly so I wasnt capable of signing any forms myself, but I was lucid. By this time I think about an hour or two had passed from the initial symptoms. They sent me through that big donut looking machine, another IV drip, monitored for a few hours and as usual, they dont know why or whats wrong with me.\n\n5th Instance, December 9th 1 week ago, 1PM: I felt unusual since the moment I woke up but I assumed it would go away as the day went on. Went into work, nothing was happening we had no business. Started to feel anxious and the pins came so I sat down and did my breathing hoping I could work my way through it. After about 30 minutes it slowly intensified so I called my boss and told her what was happening. That was the last time that day I had any kind of dexterity with my hands. So I walked out into the dining room, gave my phone to my co-worker and told him to call my mom, \"I think I'm about to have a seizure\" The clenching started, my awareness became tunneled and they layed me down on the floor. Co-workers helped me through my breathing and talked to me and helped me remain calm so I was able to get into the car to the ER. During this ER visit the doctor said that he thinks this is an anxiety issue, which makes no sense to me because it has only happened in low stress situations, but anyways, he prescribes me Lorazepam 0.5mg and tells me only to take it if I feel something coming on. 2 days later(last saturday) I felt the pins so I took one. I don't really know what happened after that. I took one sunday also and that day is also pretty blurry. I know that they have made me really depressed.\n\nMy last ER visit I remember the doctor asking me if I had suicidal thoughts and I told him no, that's stupid high school shit but since I've been on the Lorazepam I have thought of shooting myself a lot. I told my wife today that I hate these pills and they are depressing me so she said I should try what shes been taking and I did. So today I took one Sertraline Hcl 50 Mg and I dont feel depressed but it definitely was not something I want to continue.\n\nOther Details:\n\n1 pack a day smoker\n\n6pack of PBR daily (96 oz) of light beer\n\nI drink mostly Coca-Cola, rarely water\n\nOn the bright side, I never eat fast food, my diet consists of only home cooked meals and salads. We eat a lot of rice, potatoes, salads, chicken, beef, venison, pork. Not much bacon or fatty foods.\n\nA friend of mine had an ex-wife with epilepsy and he told me they had some luck with a drug called Kepra(?) otherwise he said cannabis was a viable option. I don't like to smoke weed and where I live we cant really get oil or edibles but does it seem to you all like a viable option?", "answer": "It's hard to know what to make of lorazepam. It treats anxiety, but it's also an anti-seizure medication, so it would help either way. It's not appropriate long-term management for either problem.\n\nThere are several drugs for seizures. Keppra is one, but far from the only one; which is best depends partly on type of seizure, which is best observed by EEG (monitoring brainwaves) over time in a hospital setting. But sometimes clear seizures can be treated without that information. Cannabidiol (CBD) is a viable option for a couple of rare, serious, juvenile seizure disorders. What you describe isn't like that and there's no reason to expect CBD to be effective, and even less to expect smoking cannabis to work.\n\nDrinking a six-pack of beer daily is significantly more than recommended. Consistently drinking doesn't cause seizures, but if these seizures occur during days or periods where you haven't been drinking, alcohol withdrawal can be part of the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ebs3rf", "comment_id": "ebs3rf"}, {"question": "Need advice on antidepressants/other meds", "description": "Im a 17yr Male currently taking Effexor and Wellbutrin. They're not really working and im skeptical about the meds my doctor is recommending me. some backround:im constantly depressed/prone to anxiety and have been in therapy for years,havent been diagnosed with anything other than MDD.\nWhat are some suggestions for good anti depressants or other meds that could be effective/have been proven to work well with Major Depressive Disorder/Major anxiety?\nalso if anybody has experience with similar meds that work for them thats appreciated.\n\nEdit:I've been on my current meds since middle of June (2017)", "answer": "You're 17 and you've been on multiple trials of antidepressants? Was this with a child psychiatrist?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6tdedv", "comment_id": "6tdedv"}, {"question": "My RE won't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin and androgen levels are normal. What now?", "description": "I've heard of a lot of people having luck with Metformin. I went to an RE to take a look at my ovaries and hormone levels. All of my hormone levels returned as normal but I still have cysts all over my ovaries and my periods are somewhat irregular. He said he can't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin is normal, there's no need.\n\nWhat can I do now?\n\nEdit: Thank you all. It feels really nice to talk to people about this. You've inspired me to seek a second opinion. I still want to lose 20 pounds before seeking other kinds of treatment because I've already lost 30 pounds and that weight loss really improved my symptoms, so I want to see what losing the remaining 20 pounds would do. I'll be sure to post an update to the weight loss, and to the 2nd opinion.", "answer": "Inositol in a 40:1 ratio of myo to D-chiro.\n\nI couldn't tolerate metformin and started taking 2 g of that a day and have been having regular periods with no side effects, it's awesome! \n\nI've found this one to be the least expensive and is what I've been using:\n\n[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh\\_aui\\_detailpage\\_o01\\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9w02en", "comment_id": "9w02en"}, {"question": "Do therapists who only accept out of network insurance know whether or not you've been reimbursed?", "description": "Hey therapists! Super specific question here: My (US) therapist is private practice, doesn't take insurance, just out-of-network. Originally, I had terrible insurance and she was sliding scale, so I paid out of pocket a price that we were both okay with. Now my insurance might be changing to one with out-of-network benefits and my question is, if I submit my receipts from her to my insurance, will she be notified at all? Will she have any way of knowing whether or not I'm getting reimbursed? I'm curious because I haven't gone through the reimbursement process yet, and it's not something I want to waste valuable time in our session talking about, or talking about price and renegotiating things, so I'm just curious. Thanks!", "answer": "I never know. I just print a super bill and hand it to the patient/client/evaluee. That is the end of my involvement.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnjup4", "comment_id": "hnjup4"}, {"question": "I blocked all my feminist friends on Facebook and I can't tell them why.", "description": "Last year I was frequently verbally berated, beaten, and raped by my (now ex) boyfriend. I still have panic attacks and flashbacks at night and during sex. I've been smoking cigarettes and hurting myself frequently ever since I left him. I haven't told anyone. I can't trust anyone. I want to die all the time. \n\nSome of my friends/acquaintances from high school are diehard feminists. It's very cool; I am too. However, they post daily articles about sexual assault, catcalling, domestic abuse, etc., and it's extremely painful for me. Awareness is great, and I would appreciate their efforts a lot more if I didn't have this baggage. But at this point, I just can't stand to read another article about sad, broken women, because I don't want to remember how sad and broken I am.", "answer": "I'm very sorry about what you went through. I highly doubt we are Facebook friends but I'm sorry for what I have posted regardless. I was sexually assaulted twice within the past year and I just want others to come forward with their crimes and realize that these things happen, and we need to change how things are.\n\nHowever, I'm very sorry regardless and you deserve to not have to read those articles if you don't want to. It's good you took a stand at the very least to make yourself more sane. I hope you can reach out to someone about what happened: A friend, family member, therapist, the internet, or even me. Remember you did not deserve what happened to you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2lpn3j", "comment_id": "2lpn3j"}, {"question": "Advice on hobbies for people with schizophrenia?", "description": "Hello there,\n\nI'll try to make this short and to the point. I think this is best place to ask for hobbies as anywhere else I'd get to broad answers. This community, I hope, can understand much better my issues without need for any special explanation.\n\nSo, little background. I am in early 30es, male. Got ill since early age, more precise, half of my life I am on treatment. So I managed to finish grammar school but couldn't move on further. So, all in all, I never worked and I am on welfare since legal age of working in my country (18). It's not that bad. Minimum wage (which most people with my level of education get) compared to all welfare benefits make very little difference. Add to that possibility to inherit parents pensions, no one sane or otherwise would think of changing the status. In my country it's either/or system. So work or be on welfare, no other choice. So that leaves me shitload of free time. Sadly illness ruined my social skills so I do not even feel any urge to hang around with ppl. Although I recently even managed to get married which I admit was and will probably be biggest achievement of my life. She is more than enough of socializing I need. Combined with one best friend and small but nice family, I am good there.\n\nYet, I still feel empty and mostly bored. Wife is huge support and simple type of person. I did enjoy playing video games, but when they turned mostly to online multiplayer I really lost interest. Also, I really grew up and games don't look as attractive as they used to be. I generally dislike playing with some people \"in the cloud\". I do like local, in-the-same-room gaming like in age of PS1, but it's way too hard to do that anymore. Wife's not interested in gaming aside some scrabble and chess and honestly even I am tired of it.\n\nI tried reading, but I just can't seem to like it. It's endless stream of words. I can't concentrate on anything for more than 3 hours. Most hobbies can be discarded because they include other people. I am not really outdoorsy person nor creative. I tried myself at music production and I got bored to death. The song I made and listened in the software 1000x made me crazy. So mostly I end up talking with my wife and family, doing household chores, watching movies and listening here and there to some music. I also follow news (tech and general). Aside that, there is not much more to it.\n\nOf course, that's all when I am feeling well. And I get psychosis attacks (albeit milder) every now and then. And then I spend day wrecked and my wife is comforting me.\n\nSo, considering all this, I hope you can relate to at least some of these things I written. I'd be really glad to hear from you ppl how do you deal with this surplus of time and what you do to occupy yourself?\n\nStay safe ppl and keep fighting! :)", "answer": "Soldering? Woodworking?", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "ftaqk9", "comment_id": "ftaqk9"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "DBT (dialectical behavior therapy \u2014 developed by Marsha Linehan) is a very effective therapy. It\u2019s helps quickly with impulse-control (especially self-harm). A variety of medications can help with symptoms. But the gold standard treatment is DBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "bsavfk"}, {"question": "Echolalia?", "description": "Are there other conditions than AS associated with echolalia in young children? By echolalia, I'm referering to full sentence repetition.", "answer": "Are there other conditions than AS associated with echolalia in young children? By echolalia, I'm referering to full sentence repetition.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1fzg36", "comment_id": "1fzg36"}, {"question": "should i take the ambien that my doctor has perscribed me ?", "description": "&#x200B;\n\n20M \n\nheight=175CM\n\nweight=75kg\n\nnot a smoker nor a drinker /exercise regularly / no chronic illness or allergies\n\nas I went to treat my 1-year long insomnia, the psychiatrist that I went to prescribed me to have 10mg Ambien for a month & after doing a little bit of research i feel very hesitant to do so\n\nso should i just ignore the internet fuss & go on with it ?", "answer": "Well only if you want to! It has no value long term, but if you think it could break the cycle in your disturbed sleep then by all means.\n\nhttps://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-to-get-to-sleep/", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "daxcqf", "comment_id": "daxcqf"}, {"question": "I'm [23/f] having a bit of an existential crisis. I'm getting very serious with my boyfriend [30/m], who is separated, with children. The (ex)wife is insane.", "description": "So this is a bit long, but as I said in the title, I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend. He is separated from his wife, NOT yet divorced. In the state we live in, you have to be separated for an entire year before filing for divorce. We were friends before and got in a relationship a few months after he separated.\n\nHis wife is literally psychotic. She does NOT want this divorce because she is completely dependent on him for nearly everything. The only thing she has done semi-well is raise their 2 small children.\n \nHe was married to her for a very long time because he was afraid she would keep the kids from him if they divorced, and he knew she would go bat-shit crazy if he tried to divorce her. She has hit him, told him to kill himself, etc etc. They can't be in the same room without arguing or fighting, and she STILL does not want him to divorce her. \n\nShe constantly tells her children that he's abandoning them and that he's going to leave them forever (not true. he really loves his kids). She tells her daughter, \"Daddy HATES us, he doesn't love us.\"\n\nSo here's where I come in. She knows about me. She has keyed my car (I don't have proof, but I know she did it). She constantly asks him why she isn't good enough but I am. She has found my phone #, called me cursing me out, has stalked my facebook.\n\nI LOVE my boyfriend. He is perfect for me in every way EXCEPT for all the shit that is surrounding him. I fear that if we get married, his (ex)wife will try to get her kids to hate me, or keep me from seeing them, even. \n\nI haven't met the kids yet, as they're going through the divorce still, but I want my boyfriend to be completely in their life, and if I'm in his life, I want to be in his kid's lives as well, which means I have to be in the (ex)wife's life as well. \nThis whole situation gives me major anxiety, but I've never felt this way about a guy before, and we are really good for each other. \nI don't know at this point if I need advice or encouragement or what. \n", "answer": "crazy ex-es are , well,,,, very stressful. you have to up for 18 years of this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rtbz9", "comment_id": "6rtbz9"}, {"question": "The good, the bad & the ugly", "description": "The good, the bad & the ugly\n\nI am 31 and I\u2019ve been a stoner since my 20\u2019s. I started to play with weed occasionally when I was 21 or 22, and I loved all the stuff that comes with a joint: nice mood, being more talkative than I used to be as a introvert person, awesome points of view, great conversations with myself and the one I most loved: listen to music and watching movies. I love it so much because I could smoke on weekends and opposed to booze, it has no side effects the day after I used. Even more, I dismissed alcohol as my form of weekend fun and switched completely to weed . So I felt in love with it.\n\nEventually, I started to use regulary, even when it wasn\u2019t weekend, but having some control over it ( or at least i thought it\u2026)\n\nWhen I was 25, my\u2014in those times\u2014 girlfriend got pregnant and we decided had the baby. It was not planned. So, while my entire group of friend kept having fun, finishing their education or just travelling, I was changing diapers and starting to realise the big change that came into my life. I started to use weed regular as a way to escape from my situation \u2014\u00a0while I was happy, there were a lot of responsibilities, no/little spare time and a lot expenses. We broke up after a year, and since then we share the raising of our beloved baby.\n\nWhen I broke up with her I felt almost eased. I actually didn\u2019t like her so much, so I started to live in my own flat, having a lot of time with myself, and when I wasn\u2019t with my kid, with a lot of joints. It became a regular activity for numb myself, just \u201clive\u201d and take care of daily responsibilities the best as I can, which was not easy, but I helped a lot after all. I could do my work as a computer programmer as well easily, as in those times it helped a lot on concentrating, thinking about solve problems and work long days. I used to be a casual runner, and I loved the feeling of run during 40-50 min and then back home, have a shower and light my joint up.\n\nAlmost 4 years ago I started a new relationship, and she don\u2019t smoke, but respect my freedom and she didn\u2019t mind that I was a pothead. So over 7 years I smoked almost daily, always by night. It was the good.\n\nBut\u2026 6 months ago I eat a weed cake. I was not my first time, and actually it didn\u2019t make me feel high, so I ate a lot. The day after it, I had my first panic attack. I started to think that maybe I was too long since I started smoking regulary and it was time to quit. I tried, but after 1 day, I couldn\u2019t stand and I run to my local provider and continue to smoke. I had occasional strange thought, but I could manage them before they started to become a real panic attack. I became obsessed with the idea that weed was controlling me, I feel bad and sad because I started to realise that weed was my consolation in bad times and refuse to acknowledge that it was turning into something BAD. So I keep smoking. Until the last weekend. I was with my girlfiend and my sister at home, chatting and having a nice time. And I had another panic attack, this time induced by the idea that weed was so inner in my life, my thoughts, my being, that I started to panic because I couldn\u2019t say to them that I actually want to quit but I didn't know how\u2026 they looked at me like \u201care you ok\u201d and I couldn't say a word, but puke. The bad. Real bad.\n\nSometimes I still refuse to think that I will never smoke again, but I don\u2019t want to became a psychotic guy so Im trying to focus on the good things that will come by quitting pot. Now I feel like a rollercoaster of feelings, had some paranoid and recurrents thoughts, but the more uncanny is that I am a little bit crackpot because the masochists thoughts I have (like suicide). In the end, I always try to calm my self and say: this is not you: this is the part of your brain that became addicted, so eventually i will disappear. But I am in the second day, so still felling very insecure. I'm taking some natural pils ( to help with the sleep and want to go to swim regulary. I want to be free.\n\nThanks for reading, writing this helped a lot.\n", "answer": "Cognitive behavioural therapy, my good friend.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8oks4v", "comment_id": "8oks4v"}, {"question": "630 days of freedom", "description": "Doing yoga in the kitchen at 5am and my 9 month old is in his high chair and we're listening to Ska and smiling and I feel great. It's a good way to get the day and week going. \n\n\nThis is the freedom that 630 days has given me.\n\n\nIWNDWYT.", "answer": "Lovely. Yoga and baby..great. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8q861i", "comment_id": "8q861i"}, {"question": "[24/f] meeting up with ex [23/m] for the first time since the break up seven months ago. He wants to get back together. How do I know what decision is best in the long run?", "description": "(I meant to write that I'm 22 btw, not that it really matters) \nI'm desperate for some advice, but I've been struggling for a while to describe the problem in the best way possible. So, my ex and I met when I transferred to my current university I attend (I'm graduating in May). He and I were introduced to each other by my current best friend and roommate. It was only a month into moving into a new city and new school that we started dating. Everything happened very quickly. He was my first love and I was his, but I knew from the very beginning that we were entirely different people. There was a lot about him that sometimes rubbed me the wrong way, but then there was also this deep connection and understanding between us that I couldn't and still can't find with anyone else. We were best friends and I have never been more myself with anyone in my life. We made each other feel alive and there was a ridiculous amount of passion and love there. We were back and forth for two years.\n\nWe tried and failed to make it a work a few times, because of the recurring differences, but we kept being pulled back to each other for all the reasons it did work. His family and closest friends loved me and wanted us to be together forever. My family and friends said I deserved a better fit and that I needed to move on. We broke up seven months ago, around the time he graduated. We haven't seen each other since, but there were a couple friendly text conversations, mostly just \"how are yous\" and the occasional flirting, but it stayed harmless. He's still one of my favorite people and I miss him all the time. A couple weeks ago he sent me a text saying that he was still in love with me, and that since he was the one to break up with me last time, also added that he made a mistake. We broke up pretty amicably, though it was more his choice that time around. He said we both needed time to grow and learn what it is that we wanted.\n\nIn the text from last week, he said he realized he didn't want to do his self-discovery and learning without me. He wants to try again. He says he'd rather try again and fail than always wonder what could have been. Now, I'm seeing him in person for the first time again this Friday. We're doing this so we can know what we feel in person, but I'm horrified. Part of me is scared that I'll only move forward and discover myself if I let myself be alone and open the doors to new people/adventures. Part of me is just as afraid that he's the one and that I'd be making a mistake to leave him, one that I'd regret for the rest of my life if he finds someone else. I've been torn about this since I've known him. We work in the ways that I don't seem to work with anyone else. But we also clash too. How do I know what choice will be best in the end? Should I meet with him at all? I can't help but want to. I miss him.", "answer": "If you go back, go to couples therapy right away and get some final resolution", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "638o30", "comment_id": "638o30"}, {"question": "Advice for making friends?", "description": "I'm 31 and have lived in my current city for 3 years now.... made some good friends, but life happened and some moved away and some settled down and don't go out. \nI have no one to hangout with, talk to, heck do anything with.\n\nOne thing I plan on changing is my job. I currently work 2:30pm to 11pm, which doesn't allow much time to go out and meet people except for weekends.\n\nMainly looking for advice on how to meet new people and people that want to do stuff outside of where we met. That's also been a problem. Meet someone at a sports bar but that's the only place I see them.\n\nAny ideas would be greatly appreciated", "answer": "Pick something you can do with a group of other people who also meet for that purpose, for instance, sports, or animal rescue or hiking or local politics. Show up repeatedly and work with other people who are there. After a while they won't be strangers. A while later you may find that some are interesting and you have the basis for a friendship. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4yyjm6", "comment_id": "4yyjm6"}, {"question": "My last day smoking was on 4/20. It's been 3 days and I'm already struggling.", "description": "Someone please help. Inspire me to stop, I have smoked almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, since my sophomore year of high school. I graduated almost 3 years ago and I don't want to smoke anymore. I haven't gone to college, but not due to the devil's lettuce, but rather because I have a job in an office and an 11 month old. I want to quit for his sake, but my god am I struggling. Please, someone tell me why something that should be so simple is such a challenge? I don't do it because I'm stressed, I'm the least stressed out person I know. I don't do it because I'm angry or depressed, I'm a pretty happy person. I don't know why I do it anymore, I just do. So please, someone help me.", "answer": "My best advice would be to just take it one day at a time, or 1 hour at a time... Or even just 5 mins. Break it down into manageable pieces. With intense cravings I've found they usually only last for about 15 minutes, then the quest seems to pass. Do you have other things to do to distract you? You could try:\n\n- writing out a list of all the reasons you want to quit\n- doing a puzzle (I like jigsaws or Sudoku)\n- taking a walk and focusing on your senses - what can you smell/see/hear? Feel any wind? Smell and taste cut grass?\n- work out\n- read a book\n- rock out to one of your favorite songs, lip sync, dance or whatever feels good\n- calling a friend or loved one\n\nWhen you're in a better headspace I suggest coming up with a list of self care ideas that you can reach for when you're struggling, that way you will have a solution immediately available when your brain isn't working so good.\n\nGood luck.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4g5cux", "comment_id": "4g5cux"}, {"question": "Working the steps", "description": "I am 30 days in. I have read about people \u2018working\u2019 the steps and now I feel I am ready to get started, but what does that mean? Does the Big Book indicate how to do that - anyone got page numbers?", "answer": "Get yourself a sponsor who has worked the steps themself. Great decision to do the steps. They ARE the program of recovery! Best of luck!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bsbxv7", "comment_id": "bsbxv7"}, {"question": "Need help assessing the situation and what to do", "description": "there\u00b4s this girl at work, i know her for about 2 months now, and we\u00b4ve been going out now, one drunken night the first time we met, we had sex, then the day after she already said \u00a8i love you\u00a8 i knew that at work, some playboy fucked her and she dumped him because she didn\u00b4t know that we was like that, but wait, there\u00b4s more, about her family, specially her dad, the history is fucked up, the guy raped her younger sister, whats concerning is that he still talks to her daddy like he\u00b4s his little girl, the guy is at prison now and she still sends him money, maybe that\u00b4s the gist of it, if you have any questions, let me know.\n", "answer": "sounds like a ton of baggage. beware.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idodn", "comment_id": "6idodn"}, {"question": "Psych Ward?", "description": "18/f/USA Ok. I posted on here about wanting to talk to my counselor about suicidal thoughts/attempts but not wanting to go to a psych ward. I'm scared of being forced to. I've heard so many negatives. I've heard about the total lack of privacy (which is a huge deal for me), being \"locked up\" like a jail, being forced to socialize (I am very nervous around people I don't trust), being cut off from those I DO trust, and I'm also scared they'd think of some of my behaviors as symptoms of my issues. (I have a nervous tic that causes my hands to flap and I also cry almost every night. It's not part of my depression/anxiety, it's been like that since I was very young.) I also don't like people to see me naked unless I have a TON of trust in them. (I only allow my boyfriend and my lifelong doctor to see those parts of me.) I'm scared of being treated like I'm crazy or like a child by the nurses. I'd be scared to tell their therapists my issues out of fear of a longer \"sentence\" and I'd also be scared to have it on my medical record. Any advice? Having a mild panic attack thinking about it. ", "answer": "Source: I'm in my final year of school to be a therapist and doing an internship working with clients and also currently work on an inpatient mental health floor in a hospital. \n\nFirst of all, your therapist SHOULD NOT be sending you to a hospital for suicidal thoughts alone. Commitment is only necessary if a person is actively suicidal with a plan and the means to carry out that plan. If you are thinking about suicide or that you may be better off dead, that doesn't fit the criteria for commitment. \n\nWhen you bring up suicidal thoughts with your counselor, they should be willing to discuss those thoughts with you and will ask if you have planned how you would do it, then ask whether you have the things available to you in order to carry out your plan. If you don't have a plan or don't have the means to carry out your plan, they should, at that point,come up with a safety plan with you for how you can stay safe on your own, which may include family members or other people that are part of your support system. \n\nThat's it. By creating a plan with your therapist, you are able to get the help you need as Wells as a safety plan in place to keep you safe, and the therapist gets to keep the established relationship with you and continue to help you without breaking your trust or hurting your relationship. \n\nAs for your fears about the hospital and being committed, yes it can be restrictive and uncomfortable, but the hospital is there to keep people safe, whether it be to keep people that are dangerous to others away from the general population until they are stabilized on their medication or to keep people that are suicidal safe from themselves. \n\nYou shouldn't need to worry about being naked in front of anyone except maybe a nurse when you first arrive because we take people's belongings to make sure they do not have the means to do any harm (to themselves or others). But you get your own clothes (minus anything with strings or laces) back after your first 2 days. You will be able to change your clothes in your bathroom or in the shower room and no one should be looking in on you while you change. We don't force interaction, but it looks good in you medical record if you comply with treatment suggestions and the doctor in more likely to discharge you for participating. Your treatment plan will be written by the psychiatrist and the nursing staff so just talk to them about your concerns and worries and they should take that into account. Once the doctor thinks that you are safe enough to discharge, he will send you on your way because there is a shortage of mental health beds in the US and they will have another patient to take your bed within hours of your discharge. In the hospital that I work in (MN) each patient has their own room so you don't need to worry about a roommate but some older units still have 2 beds per room. \n\nAgain, judging by the fact that you are reaching out, you aren't planning and acquiring the means to kill yourself at this point so the hospital really shouldn't be appropriate for you anyway. I would encourage you to talk to your therapist about the thoughts you having because be keeping it to yourself you are putting yourself in more danger. Plus, suicidality is more common than you might think so your therapist will probably have good ideas for how to help you. \n\nI hope all goes well, and if you want more information about other specifics, let me know. Also know that it is your choice and right to share whatever you want, whenever you want, to whomever you want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7aagxi", "comment_id": "7aagxi"}, {"question": "What's the best way to deal with someone who quite often retells the same stories, jokes, anecdotes, etc... without sounding like an asshole and halting the conversation?", "description": "So someone in my family, who I see/talk to quite often, will often start telling me the same story or joke when we're in light/fun conversation. Usually something in the conversation will trigger it, ie *\"Oh man well that reminds me of the time xyz...\"*. They generally don't remember saying it before and tell the story/joke as if it's my first time hearing it, which brings up a conundrum for me every time: Do I laugh and smile as if it *is* my first time hearing it and pretend to hear it again? Or do I bring up that they've already told me this a number of times? Usually I go with the latter but it's always a little awkward. I'll try to laugh and go something like \"Ooh haha yes I think you've told me this\" or something, but often they just say the joke/funny story anyway and expect a laugh, which just makes it awkward because I've already heard it before. \n\nWhat's the best way to react to this when it happens? How can I keep the conversation flowing naturally despite kind of having to stop it in a sense? This happens often and I always feel stuck. Thanks for any advice!", "answer": "My wife and I actually do this to each other a good amount. We find it more humorous than annoying. I'd suggest since you've heard the story a bunch, you can probably retell it, and probably know how it ends. Jump right to the ending of the story saying \"yeah I know and __________ happened.\" It demonstrates you've been told it a bunch before to the person who probably isn't aware you've heard it and also saves you the time of having them go through the details. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8xcolh", "comment_id": "8xcolh"}, {"question": "Can a medical professional please review the medications I take daily to see if there is anything I should stop taking? I'm referring to OTC supplements, not prescription medication.", "description": " I listed all of the information required below, but I suppose most of it is irrelevant. I'm 26, male, fairly decent shape. No history of any medical problems aside from Psoriasis and having my gallbladder removed in 2013. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI currently take CoQ10 100mg, Omega 3 855mg EPA & 645mg DHA, Iron 27mg, Super B-Complex (1 tablet), plus a Men's \"One A Day\" multi-vitamin \"Nature's Medley\". \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy question is this: Are any of the supplements I'm taking useless to my body? I know that I should consult my PCP about the iron, but I had practically every single symptom of anemia and I don't eat very many iron rich foods, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. But aside from that, is there any benefit to taking the other supplements I take?\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age: 26\n* Sex: Male\n* Height: 6ft. 1in.\n* Weight: \\~190-200ish\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: N/A\n* Location (Geographic and on body): Tennessee, USA\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): N/A (I do have heart palpitations occasionally)\n* Current medications (if any): buprenorphine, betamethasone valerate, ibuprofen", "answer": "All of these supplements are likely useless.\n\nCoenzyme Q has no evidence of being effective for anything. B vitamins are not necessary except in cases of deficiency, which are rare in developed countries. Multivitamins are the same, with very weak evidence for causing harm. Iron, again, is useful for diagnosed deficiency, but the symptoms of anemia are vague enough, and anemia itself uncommon enough in men, that I would recommend against treating it blindly.\n\nOmega 3 fatty acids have the most mixed evidence. They're harmless as long as they're in reasonable doses and not contaminated with e.g. heavy metals, but the evidence for any nonspecific benefit is weak at best.\n\nSo, again, I would recommend against spending money on a pile of pills that are unlikely to do you any good. Also unlikely to do harm, granted, but why take on risk and cost for nothing?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "br3cz2", "comment_id": "br3cz2"}, {"question": "Is it over?!", "description": "So my bf is 30 and I'm 28. We've been dating for a year. We've had our ups and downs like every normal couple, but lately the vibe between us just feels off. We'll be fine enjoying each other's company and then I'll ask a serious question about our relationship, his past relationships, etc. he'll shut down and the vibe changes and we're distant. I don't know if it's just me being sensitive or if something is really wrong. I just want us to get back to our normal selves. Is it normal to love your partner but not like them all of the time because when he gets like this I'm not a fan. Advice? ", "answer": "couple counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "640ok7", "comment_id": "640ok7"}, {"question": "So I'm a 22yr old male, good friends with a 22 year old woman, and I'm concerned by something.", "description": "So I've known this girl for over 3 years, we were fast friends and we've been good friends for a good portion of that time. We're both in the Army and moved to different duty stations, hers is in Germany and we still talk. \n\nShe tells me she misses me and we do the cheesy heart thing and she tells me she misses me near constantly. Every few days she does this and she complains about not having anyone to do things with. My squad mates keep pressuring me to ask her to be in a romantic relationship, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I feel like our relationship would be and is currently based on conditions. I feel like she misses me because I was always down to go on an adventure and talking to me reminds her of that, and I miss her because she was one of the few people I felt totally comfortable around because she doesn't feel the need to have pointless conversations, something I find tedious and draining. I don't know if I'm using the phrase \"conditional relationship\" right so feel free to browbeat me. \n\nWould it be conditional, or am I just being emotionally and relationship retarded, like my co-workers think? Ignoring the fact she will be across the pond for two years.", "answer": "She\u2019s gonna be across the pond for two years, so if you don\u2019t have strong \u201cwe must be in a romantic relationship\u201d feelings, best not to.\n\nNo reason not to go visit her, though. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77ei4h", "comment_id": "77ei4h"}, {"question": "Has anyone else's sleep patterns get completely wrecked from doing therapy?", "description": "To provide some backstory to my question, I experience anxiety/PTSD-esque reactions due to specific triggers from relationship related trauma that occurred over 10 years ago. This also has caused bouts of anxiety based insomnia after that relationship ended for a time. \n\nInstead of going to the doctor at the time I chose to drink each night to ensure I slept. I did that 7 days a week for the next 10 years. After stopping that pattern in May, sleep was generally much improved and restful till I started a more intense regimen of therapy. \n\nI used to go bi-weekly to a psychotherapist but since added on a weekly specialized therapy group for alcohol use + seeing a psych doctor in conjunction. I also read a lot more about this subject matter and try to practice as much as possible to \"relearn\" healthier ways of thinking and doing. \n\nThe combination of all of this has left me with what seems to be almost a perpetual state of \"emotional hangover.\" Since this intense schedule began I've noticed my sleep to be completely bonkers.\n\nI went from an average of 7 hrs with not much time getting to sleep with maybe 1-2 wake ups to experiencing 5+ wake ups a night, being awake for hours and some nights not sleeping at all.\n\nI try to have good sleep hygiene aka: turn off screens an hour before bed, read, listen to calming podcasts etc and nothing seems to really help. Often I'll wake up at like 2-3am and feel wide awake so rather than toss and turn I just get up and ride out the day but I know that's NOT healthy, but I'm not getting anywhere further with this easing either so not sure what to do about it.\n\nDoes anyone have any similar experiences?", "answer": "So you are engaging in therapy 3-4 times a week (I'm assuming that you see the psychiatrist every few weeks to months and not weekly)? I give you kudos for doing that all outpatient.\n\nSounds like you are working with your feelings a ton more, and that's what leads to the \"emotional hangover\" that then keeps you up at night. That can definitely happen. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? If you are seeing a psychiatrist also, if there's any new medication in the picture, that could also be a side effect.\n\nI'd bring it up at your next appointment with the therapist and psychiatrist and see what each propose. Perhaps some activities or strategies to better combat the \"emotional hangover\" or redirecting a therapy session to something less emotionally intensive may be helpful there. Also, maybe a change of med regiment could also be an answer. \n\nRegardless, good on your for prioritizing your mental wellness!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dmh7jm", "comment_id": "dmh7jm"}, {"question": "Would it be wise to seek in-patient therapy at this point in time due to severe, debilitating OCD?", "description": "Age: 20 years old, Sex: Male, Height: 6'0, Weight: 180 lbs, duration of complaint: 4-5 months of acute anxiety/paranoia, location: NY and mental illness, existing mental issues: diagnosed GAD and OCD, Fluoxetine 50 mg per day and Xanax .5 mg as needed.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHi everyone, \n\nI'm hoping to ask an opinion from this community on my current situation. Over the past six months, as you can probably tell by my post history, I've developed a severe fixation on contracting HIV. I've not had any super-risky encounters and the appropriate tests have been done eliminating my possibility of having it. I still cannot get the thought from my head and I have had several debilitating anxiety attacks in which I can't leave my bed and have intense thoughts of hurting myself. These are usually brought on when I think of a relatively recent sexual encounter that carried no real risk of HIV transmission but I think \"it could be possible.\" The last couple days have been exceptionally tough and I've been unable to leave my room and I'm unsure if I can keep going to work and doing my homework for school. I want to stress that I'm safe with my parents at home and in no actual danger of doing so, but those thoughts are up there. I've been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist but they have not been able to really help with this problem over the past couple months. I think I may try to commit myself to a local mental hospital in Upstate NY that people/medical practitioners have recommended to me in the past. I have my parent's insurance, but they're staunchly against the idea. I'm looking for any sort of advice you can give me at this point. Would in-patient hospitalization make sense in my case and is it feasible that I can commit myself? I'm worried they won't think I'm sick enough.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you.", "answer": "Inpatient treatment might facilitate faster changes in medications. Given how severe the symptoms you describe sound, that may be necessary. However, most effective treatment, whether psychotherapy or medication, takes longer to work than a hospitalization can provide.\n\nI would discuss with the psychiatrist you\u2019re seeing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6d8mx", "comment_id": "c6d8mx"}, {"question": "What will happen if I tell a psychiatrist or whoever does an evaluation?", "description": "If I said,\n\n\"Sometimes I think people are aliens or like, creatures in disguise as people trying to take over the world, and sometimes I think my family was replaced by them. Other times I think people are actively working together to make me kill myself or to drive me crazy, or that they'll hurt me, even if they would never hurt actually hurt me. Sometimes I'm scared to look at the sky because there are cameras and UFOs and if I look at them and they see me, they'll kill me because they know that I know they're there. Sometimes I think street signs are messages to me, like stop signs are telling me to stop looking for signs of the creatures or stop talking about them. Sometimes I hear whispering or crying, or barking or screaming when nothing is happening. When this kind of stuff happens, I do irrational things like try to train my dog to attack people on command because I think they're trying to hurt me when they're not, or I boobytrap my house in case they're sneaking in.\n\nRecently I thought my mom, her mom, her dad and my sister were conspiring, together, to make me think I was crazy and having false memories and trying to convince me to kill myself. They weren't, none of that is true, but I cut all of them out of my life for a while until it just kind of stopped and I came to my senses. When I was a kid I thought I had powers and that I could see end of the world, that I was vampire sort of thing, and I *might* have actually like, fabricated memories to support those powers being true. Like predicting my friend's death before she died, I remember doing that but it's not really possible that it happened, right? I don't know what's wrong with me, but that's what happens and if I don't get help I'm going to end up hurting someone or killing myself so I don't. My family doesn't take me seriously, I can say outright that I'm having hallucinations and tell them why I'm too scared to go outside or look at the sky, and they just don't care, I guess, or they don't think it's a big deal, but someone will get hurt if I stay like this.\"\n\nBecause I'm really stressing out lately and I can't drive, I have no money, I have absolutely no means to help myself and I'm about to call some mental health service or like, go to the ER and tell someone. It's bad, and getting bad again lately, and no one is helping me. I'm in my 20s. I just want to know what to expect to happen if I'm honest, aside from being *right* and them actually being a creature and killing me for knowing about them.", "answer": "Depends on the credentials of the person doing the evaluation. If you see a psychiatrist first you may be prescribed medications. If you see a therapist or counselor first you will likely be referred to a psychiatrist. It's not unlawful to have the thoughts you are having. If you're over 18 and do not have a guardian or have your freedoms limited you do not have to accept any treatment or suggestions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "67js4m", "comment_id": "67js4m"}, {"question": "I have a brain tumor and I legitimately don't know what to think", "description": "So, awhile ago I [M23 6 foot, 170 pounds] had a seizure and woke up super unbearably dizzy, so I checked myself at the hospital to see whats wrong since that dizziness didn't feel normal. I expected it to be normal and it was a 1 time thing. However, it turns out that I have a brain tumor . Its not malignant or cancerous but looking for into it, it would seem to describe my current mental degradation symptoms as of late. For example , my memory seems to just randomly stop working pretty much consistently , I had a seizure, my words come out heavily jumbled pretty often, cant think what to say, and massive migraines I used to/currently have. That being said, the doctors said I need to get more tests done, like another MRI and another MRA among other things and they eventually want to check in and see if it needs removal soon. How likely is it that it needs to be removed? And what should I expect from it? The tumor is in pretty deep in my brain too they said (if that helps). Sorry that this is a jumbled mess to read. Im not entirely sure what I should be thinking right now", "answer": "You're asking a lot of questions that really can't be answered without the full MRI series, a full history, and basically everything that your doctors have and we don't. You'd need to discuss with the team you're already seeing.\n\nIf it's causing seizures, it probably needs to be removed. The exact risks depend on the exact location and the approach, so only the neurosurgeons involved can answer that for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jumgw0", "comment_id": "jumgw0"}, {"question": "Just Had Surgery Today - Wanted To Ask Some Questions...", "description": "-\tMale\n-\t26yrs\n-\tUSA\n\nToday I had a biopsy on my neck on what the doctor called \u201cLevel 2\u201d cervical nodes. He also partially biopsied my Submandibular gland. I have 2 questions -\n\n1) When they were hooking me up to my IVs before surgery I noticed [some little bubbles](https://i.imgur.com/zn2H0Nz.jpg) in the line (the IV was going to my hand) and I wanted to ask if that\u2019s risky. I\u2019ve been home for a couple hours but is there any risk of me having some type of air embolysm now (or in the future) or has that risk passed?\n\n2) Both biopsy locations were near the arteries you can feel under your neck (on the right/left side) and I\u2019m wondering if there\u2019s any risk of a nicked (weakened) artery or extra bleeding post surgery?\n\nBasically if anything was going to \u201ckill\u201d me would it have happened by now or am I still at risk of something happening in the next couple of days? Basically I want to know that if the doctor somehow nicked an artery would he have known or is it something I could find out while I\u2019m by myself at home recovering. \n\nI\u2019m trying not to move the area a lot while eating and maybe it\u2019s the drugs wearing off, but I\u2019m afraid of dying post op at home lol. I know it\u2019s probably an irrational fear, but I just thought I\u2019d ask. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "I'm the wrong kind of doctor for this, but I'll share what I recall.\n\n1. Little bubbles in IVs can be scary but aren't a big deal. Even if some tiny bubbles end up in your circulation they just make it to your lungs and absorb. There's even an appropriately-named \"bubble study\" that means intentionally injecting a ton of tiny bubbles to see whether there are holes between chambers of your heart! It would have to be a huge bubble, larger than would enter just by drip, to cause any problems.\n\n2. They would notice if they nicked arteries. That's not a subtle kind of bleeding.\n\nYour risk of dying is probably 99.9% during the operation. If you've made it home you're safe!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bb5wp", "comment_id": "8bb5wp"}, {"question": "I've been spying on ya'll for 4 months! Friday probably not the best day to quit drinking but it just has to be today for me!", "description": "I've had it with drinking. I'm done. I've been lurking & trying to get my courage up for the past 4 months. I'm done quitting drinking every fucking morning & then caving in every afternoon. I'm done hiding it from my husband & our grown sons. Hell I've even tried hiding it from myself! There is something wrong with me! And it's up to me to fix myself. I am going to go back to AA & reconnect with a nice lady who tried to sponsor me. This time I will participate & I will not keep drinking. I appreciate any and all support. I have also reached out to my Physician for medical support & pledged to him that I am getting sober! Here we go!", "answer": "Today is always a good day to stop! I won\u2019t drink with you today <3", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "71ps46", "comment_id": "71ps46"}, {"question": "Newly diagnosed Lyme disease, treatment", "description": "Age 36, 5 foot 11, 155 lbs, Male, white, Nonsmoking. No relevant current/past issues.\n\nMeds- Zyrtec, doxycycline (now, 2 doses into 21-day course)\n\nAbout a week ago noticed welt on leg, no other symptoms, assumed random dry skin or rash. Few days later, body achy, headaches, fever and chills. Did ibuprofen, Tylenol alternating to treatment for a few days, would help w/ fever, but came back. Welt about same size, slightly larger. Went to urgent care today, doc 99% certain Lyme.\n\nJust a couple Q's I forgot to ask if any reddit medical pros would be so kind to help with-\n\n- Ok to keep using Tylenol and/or ibuprofen while using doxycycline to treatment fever and chills (still not really going away with just doxycycline yet) -- or better to let fever run its course?\n\n- Any herbal supplements or other otc medications to supplement doxycycline?\n\n- If fever/chills not going away after x? days on doxycycline -- go to ER?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "It's fine to take Tylenol and/or ibuprofen. There's nothing you should take with doxycycline\u2014doxy doesn't need help, and you don't want to accidentally have an interaction that makes it less effective.\n\nAt some point if you're not getting better you need a change of antibiotics and maybe a reconsideration of diagnosis. I don't know what that duration is; I would give it a week, as that's the minimum duration of antibiotics for Lyme, but someone with more expertise might correct me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8wwgn6", "comment_id": "8wwgn6"}, {"question": "Sorry for the text bomb but today has been a good day for me and I hope it has or will be for you!", "description": "I first decided to stop drinking in August 2009 after the usual story of lost girls, jobs, family members and dignity. I could not do it. I hated the withdrawals and after a few days I always went back drinking. I didn't understand it but I knew then I was in battle for my life and that is no exaggeration. I tried so hard and even went to AA. I hated it and the message I was hearing really got me angry. Especially the GOD stuff, I was having none of it. I stopped going. I had the worst few months of my life; my family had kicked me out of the house. I was living in my car with all roads closed to me. That January (2010) it was really cold and snowing so after much difficulty I got myself booked into a treatment center. I went in Feb and stayed for 3 mths. That was the longest I had ever stayed sober in my adult/teen life. I couldn't believe it. When I as leaving the treatment someone had a word in my ear. What they said was you will be back here unless you go to AA 3 times a week. That really pissed me off as I went to the treatment center to get away from AA. \n\nMy family let me stay with them when I got out and I attended AA not 3 times a week but every day, as I had nothing else to do. I lasted 4 mths and I was off again. I stopped after a week and got back to AA but I also managed to get into a second treatment center but it was a day program so my family didn\u2019t kick me out of the house. I again did my best. This time it was AA and a daily program and guess what I drank again after 5 mths. Another week-long bender! I was trying so hard to stay sober and I couldn't do it! I didn't understand what was wrong with me. My family knew I was trying so the gave me the benefit of the doubt. I would have kicked my ass out at that stage but they didn't. My count on stop drinking is from this period.\n\nI went back to AA and got a sponsor and worked the steps. Doing all the suggested things that I had heard in AA but never practiced. I applied for college and got accepted. Sept 2011 I started college while working the steps with my sponsor. I managed to get through the first year of college with good grades and a lot of emotional difficulty. Then I managed to get through the 2nd year as well again with good grades. So here I am today typing this after just finishing my first day of paid employment in over 4 years. I go back to college in September to continue my studies and the job I started today are willing to employ me on a permanent part time contract that can be worked at weekends while I finish my studies. I just can\u2019t believe my luck. Today I am so grateful to be sober. It can be done one day at a time! \n\nPS I would like to thank everyone on this sub for all his or her posts and comments, positive and negative we all have good days and bad days. I should know. More good than bad today thank fuck!\n", "answer": "Talk about a success story. Glad to see you've found success in the program. It can be a bitch, but it can also be the best time of your life. thanks for sharing.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jiyxa", "comment_id": "1jiyxa"}, {"question": "I want to kill myself. Life fucking sucks from top to bottom and I god damn hate it", "description": "I feel pathetic even being here and typing this but I need to at least feel like I have someone right now.\n\nI\u2019m going to be fully honest here:\n\nI\u2019m a 25 year old male. I turn 26 in November. I feel like my life is passing me by and that the thing I have always wanted most out of life, to be a husband and a father, are slipping further and further away from me.\n\nI struggle daily with my depression and a \u201cdiagnosis\u201d (I\u2019ll explain the quotations later)of ADHD. My depression is borne of a myriad of things but I\u2019ll do my best to distill them down to as few and as easily digestible points as I can.\n\n- Obesity from childhood to early adulthood\n\nMy mother\u2019s main focus throughout my childhood was caring for her sick parents. Her father had Alzheimer\u2019s so he was the priority. Rather than making time for me to be able to participate in sports or other extra curricular activities, my mom gave me junk food and video games to keep me busy while she tended to her parents. Now, it\u2019s possible I\u2019m being narcissistic, but in my view, the child comes first. If I had a son and sick parents, my priority would be raising my son in the healthiest way possible. \n\nThis obesity was a huge factor in me being insecure and being bullied very mercilessly by family and schoolmates. Even today after having lost over 135lbs, I still yank and tug on my shirts when they touch my body because of the years of fear of being picked on. \n\n- Having been made by my biological mother to be a caretaker for her ailing parents throughout my childhood until the last one died when I was 16\n\nAs mentioned above, my mother\u2019s parents were her priority. Back in 2006 (her father died in 2004 but shortly thereafter her mother started exhibiting signs of dementia) she decided to go back to school to study culinary arts. This, of course, demanded much more of her time. So I was forced to move in with my 75 year old grandmother and be her caretaker while my mom and her (abusive) boyfriend lived together a town away. \n\nI had to get up at 5am to get my grandmother up, washed, dressed, and ready to leave for her adult daycare, get myself ready for school, catch two buses and a train, go to school, hurry to a bus stop after school so I could make it home in time to get my grandmother back in the house after her bus dropped her off. And this happened around 7pm. So I\u2019d just barely be making it home at about 7pm every day.\n\nBut then I\u2019d have to rush her in the house to use the restroom because she refused to do it at her day care. Very, very many days she wouldn\u2019t make it and I\u2019d have to bathe her and dress her again. Then give her her evening medications, then feed her, then put her to bed. Alone.\n\nYou may have noticed that no time was allotted for schoolwork. I graduated high school with a 1.something gpa. Mom graduated culinary school with a 3.8.\n\nAnd let\u2019s talk about her culinary school for a quick second. She frequently forces me to do homework for her while she went on dates with her boyfriend. One time in particular they took me to a fair I wanted to go to, only to say I had to write a history paper for her before I could have any fun. They made me sit inside of a nearby church and write her paper while her and her boyfriend enjoyed the fair. I would have been beaten if I refused or if I didn\u2019t do the paper well. \n\nThink of all the social development people do in high school. I didn\u2019t because I was either doing mom\u2019s homework or taking care of grandma.\n\n- Having poor social and relationship skills thanks to having been raised by a narcissist and watching that narcissist be involved in an incredibly abusive relationship for 10 years.\n\nAs a result of everything I listed above, I just could not relate to or connect with people my own age. I spent most of my childhood around elderly and sick people. What I saw of relationships were toxic behaviors. I was shown that violence, yelling, name-calling, and vengeful actions were normal in relationships of all kinds at all levels. And I only recently learned to start doing away with all of that. \n\nBut this is basic level stuff. Most people learn it as young children and teenagers. I didn\u2019t learn it until I was at least 22 years old. \n\nEven now, I can\u2019t quite mesh with people my age. I\u2019ve had a bunch of dates this year and I\u2019ve ended up blowing all these mini-relationships because I just couldn\u2019t quite understand what was normal and what was expected. \n\nI read around on Reddit a lot and have even made posts on a different account. Again, all this is stuff people learned years ago and I\u2019m just learning.\n\n- Near constant bullying through school and by my cousins who were really the only things I ever had that even came close to friends\n\nPeople called me \u201cMonster\u201d so much in high school, that I had teachers who honest to God didn\u2019t know my name was Chris. The habit of calling me \u201cMonster\u201d was so constant and ubiquitous that even though I hated it, I just let it go because there was no way I was going to be able to stop it. \n\nAs a result, so much of my self worth is tied up in how I look. And after having weighed in excess of 330lbs, there\u2019s permanent physical damage to my body\u2019s appearance. I have felt little worse pain than seeing abs and a so-called \u201cAdonis\u201d belt underneath flaps of skin while putting on lotion. \n\nI was eating correctly and working out strictly. Hoping that one day I\u2019d have a body like some of the people I saw post on r/bodybuilding. It has been crushing to realize that I already do. But it\u2019s buried beneath a hideous reminder of what was. \n\n- Being so behind my peers in life\n\nAnd finally, being in my position with regards to a career at 25 years old. I\u2019ve only just been accepted into a 4-year university. Most people my age are living on their own and progressing upward in their careers. I\u2019m about to be in classes with 18 year olds who, because of decent parents, are even more developed than me. That hurts, quite a lot. \n\nAnd this brings me to the final impetus for creating this account and posting here today. \n\nAfter years of struggling to figure out what I wanted and wandering rather aimlessly through life, I figured it out: I wanted to be an airline pilot. \n\nFor the first time I felt truly capable of achieving a goal. I felt smart enough whereas before I felt dumb, I felt inspired and excited. I found a nearby school to earn an aviation degree and a pilot\u2019s license from and I was set to begin this summer...then I researched and found out about FAA medical requirements. \n\nPhysically, I\u2019m golden. I\u2019m healthy, I\u2019m no longer pre diabetic, I\u2019m active, and, after being examined, my eyes are perfect. But I also have been diagnosed and treated for both depression and ADHD.\n\nSo I cannot become a pilot.\n\nI feel like life just keeps stomping on my neck. I can\u2019t connect with people, I can\u2019t successfully date, I\u2019ll never have the body I want, I don\u2019t have parents to go to, and now I can\u2019t even fly a damn airplane. \n\nIt\u2019s just so unfair. I feel like I want so little and I still can\u2019t have it. \n\nSo now the only option I have is to go to the average little engineering school I got into in southern Illinois. \n\nAnd I\u2019m not at all looking forward to that. Engineering school and FSAE are going to swallow up 100% of my time. I\u2019ll have no time for any social life and no time for anything but study. \n\nI\u2019m 25. I just feel like I\u2019ll never be able to be truly happy. I feel like at best my life will only ever be a lonely and miserable existence. \n\nI hate myself for feeling this way because it justifies the FAA\u2019s rejection of me form being a pilot, but I honestly feel like I should just kill myself. It\u2019s like that Australian scientist from a few days ago. Why continue pushing on through life if you\u2019re miserable?\n\nNothing\u2014absolutely nothing\u2014goes the way you want. You\u2019ve got nobody you can trust to vent to. The best you can do is anonymous people online or you can pay some psychologist to judge you and pretend they care or understand. \n\nI\u2019m in so much pain and I don\u2019t see it ever ending or getting better. ", "answer": "I learned about eastern religions and have been able to use their idea to gain relief from my mental and emotional suffering. I learned from Buddhism that suffering is caused by attachment aversion and delusion. I learned that by accepting that the entire universe is in the process of change, I can use change to my advantage. By adopting a change mindset, I am sensitized to opportunity because now I look for moments when I can take action to my advantage and create change via a succession of small steps. I learned that by turning my attention to my breathing and heartbeat I can slow them down by repeating to myself beautiful words of solace and reassurance. I think this is related to meditation and prayer. Meditation is stilling my body and prayer is the mental repetition of beautiful thoughts. In this way I\u2019ve realized that I am not my body or my thoughts but the one who witnesses. A meditation teacher taught me that all I need to do is sit still and stay with the feeling of \u201cI am\u201d, and reject all that is false. It\u2019s like digging a well, you reject the dirt until you come to water. Reject the false and you will come to the truth of who you really are. Believe me when you realize the truth you will never be the same, but will be able to summon a calm that\u2019s like granite and an indifference to loss and gain that feels like liberation. Now you are a suffering because your fears and beliefs. It is possible to make them work for you instead of against you but you are the one that must make the decision to begin the process of change. No one can do it for you.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "8j9gzy", "comment_id": "8j9gzy"}, {"question": "Symptoms that started 7 years ago and have gotten worse with new symptoms coming up?", "description": "I wont go into much detail but some to most/all of these symptons I have been dealing with for 6 or so years since I was 13. Im dealing with ALL of them right now and some of them are getting a bit worse. Im going to try and schedule an appoint with a doctor soon but just wanted someone elses opinion on what they think might be going on. Just gonna list off the stuff. I've sadly never been to the doctor to talk this stuff yet.\n\n- Always hungry, no matter how much I eat im never full or I am i'm hungry again within 30 mins - hour. Yesterday I sat down and ate a large meal at mcdonalds and immediately started eating a chinese platter before my friend stopped me so we could leave. I wasnt full when we left and within the next hour or 2 I felt like I hadnt just eaten all of that food\n\n- Not getting any sleep, waking up in 5-6 hours with alot of trouble getting back to sleep. Woke up in 4 hours this time\n\n- headaches/head \"fuzzyness\". I cant explain the \"fuzzyness\" part I just feel so out of it sometimes and my head and sometimes face is buzzing.\n\n- un-normal stools/diarrhea. wont go into much details here >.>\n\n- cant gain weight no matter how much I eat. might not actually be a health issue but because im always hungry thus eating you would think i'd gain some weight \n\n- no/low energy\n\n- on and off frequent urination, sometimes 6 times an hour or more \n\n- wake up every morning feeling like I hadnt eaten dinner the night before\n\n- always tired\n\n- I do have acne if that matters\n\n- random loss of appetite while feeling hungry\n\n- often have trouble concentrating. this and the headaches/\"fuzzyness\" are on and off throughout the day\n\n- stomach upset\n\n\nAge - 20\nSex - Male\nHeight - 5'8\nWeight - 132\nRace - black\nDuration of complaint - 6-7 years \nCurrent medications (if any) - currently taking accutane for acne\n\nMy friend suspects I might be malnourished to some degree because of my current living situation i'm not eating much, or that it might be stress related", "answer": "Does sound like your diet might be crap. Can you tell us what you might typically consume on a typical day?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xgxvi", "comment_id": "5xgxvi"}, {"question": "I've been told I'm awkward.", "description": "Hello! I've just found reddit and this subreddit and wanted to seek advice. Apologies if I'm not following proper protocols.\n\nAnyway, I was told the other day that I am \"awkward\" to talk to because:\n\n* My tone of voice is wrong\n* My body language is wrong\n* I don't ask good questions\n\nThose seem like such fundamental criticisms that I don't know how to fix them. How do you fix such basic things? I mean, I've always known there was something wrong with me. People don't like me or find me interesting, and I've never been able to blame them. It just feels like there was some class on all of this that I missed...Being Human 101. How do you make up for that? It almost feels like I have a chance though, because despite how awful it was to hear that from someone, it's at least specific criticism and not what everybody else does and just ignores me or avoids me.\n\nThanks for any input!\n\nEDIT: 23 year old male here.", "answer": "Well, a few things.\n\n * You might want to read the description of [Asperger's syndrome](http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/mental-health-aspergers-syndrome). If you're looking through that and you're like \"Wow, that really seems to describe me\", you might have Asperger's. In that case, you should go see a counselor (preferably someone who specializes in Asperger's/autism) because they can officially diagnosis you (or tell you that you don't have Asperger's, if that's the case). Figuring out my diagnosis was a huge blessing to me, because it put me in touch with a lot of great resources for improving my situation, and it also gave me a greater sense of peace because it explained some of the struggles that I was having---it's not that I was a bad person, it's just that I didn't learn social skills in the way other people do.\n * Social skills, like any other skill, can be learned. I did it (and wrote a [guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com) to help others do it too), and I'm not the only success story. Think about actors. They've learned to demonstrate correct body language, tone of voice, etc for the scenes that they're in. That's not magic--it's just the result of practice and study. You can do that too.\n * With that in mind, you should start to deliberately practice and study social skills :) Get some social skills books ([this](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/best-social-skills-books) is a list of a few of my favorites), and read through them, and then *practice* what you learn. Read through the books to identify several things you want to practice, then practice one thing at a time until it feels comfortable, then move on to the next. There's also great online resources--the sidebar lists three, and there's more out there. Focus on social skills advice that teaches you the fundamentals, rather than sketchy advice that teaches you \"Here's how to manipulate people/here's how to automatically succeed in every social interaction ever.\"\n * Also, try to get other people involved if you can. If you have friends or family members that you trust, tell them that you want to improve your social skills, and then ask them for their advice. Having people who care about you and will call you out on social mistakes can be very helpful, and it's useful to have people that you can debrief with too (\"I talked to Bob and he reacted in this way and I don't know why, can you help me understand?\")\n * Most of all, don't get discouraged and don't give up. Learning social skills is a marathon, not a sprint. Your goal is to just get a little bit better every day, not to become a superstar overnight. Don't be afraid to give yourself some introvert time to recharge before going out and socializing again, and don't beat yourself up if you make a social mistake. Just chalk it down to a learning experience, and keep learning!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ti4l3", "comment_id": "ti4l3"}, {"question": "I don\u2019t live in the Alcoholic Time Zone anymore.", "description": "I got home from running errands later than I\u2019d planned this afternoon \u2014 after 6:00 pm. And I thought, \u201cah shit, my day is shot. I still have stuff I need to do... but it\u2019s too late.\u201d We aren\u2019t talking anything strenuous here, just chores around the house. But when I was a resident in the Alcoholic Time Zone, my productivity clock stopped ticking at 6:00 pm. At 6:00 pm, I\u2019d either finally be home and able to nurse my hangover in peace, or ready to start drinking. \n\nBut then I realized... I live in Eastern Time now! I can putter around the house for three or four more HOURS before I start needing to wind down for bed! And I did... I got an unremarkable list of chores knocked out, no problem. \n\nIt is incredibly lovely to have chosen to leave the time suck that is Alcoholic Time. ", "answer": "I love that you\u2019re already seeing things this way. It took me probably three or four months to stop finding my lengthened days crazy-making... \n\nBut I also remember the first time I realized my life did not have to end at 9 o\u2019clock. I think I actually posted about it. Something about a motorcycle ride with a hot guy in the dark; I have since ditched the guy but kept the appreciation of the hours of daily life I have gained. \n\nCongrats on all those chores, friend, and on almost 60 days! IWDWYT \n\nEDIT spelling", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7fs6p9", "comment_id": "7fs6p9"}, {"question": "I think my spanish teacher has alzheimers, what is an appropriate way to let her know of said suspicions?", "description": "She'll forget what lessons she taught, forget what day the assignment is due on. She'll forget whether we answer the problems on a test one way or another. One time, she gave us a sheet with a bunch of questions written on it, and specifically told us to answer them in spanish. At the top of the sheet was a place to put my name, which is typical. The first question was \"what is your name?\" The second question was \"what is your last name\" the third question was \"how do you spell your name\" the 4th question was \"how do you spell your last name\" and a little ways down was the question \"How is ______ spelled?\"\n\nNext class, we take them out, and she tells us that we were not supposed to answer the questions, but to translate them. Which makes more sense. But the other day, she specifically told us to answer them in spanish. She completely forgot we were supposed to translate them.\n\nI'm in high school. \n\nI've thought about mentioning it to my counselor who makes the schedules, I know her a lot better than I know my spanish teacher.", "answer": "It might not be specifically Alzheimers Disease, however I think you should probably bring up what is happening in class to your counselor. I wouldn't say your suspicion but I would say that you are concerned and then allow the counselor to deal with the rest. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3lzoa4", "comment_id": "3lzoa4"}, {"question": "Avoidance as a cure?", "description": "I mean like avoiding everything that sets you off until the anxiety goes away naturally. I can't do conventional treatment for reasons I won't discuss, and I'm looking into alternatives. However, I can't find any alternatives through Google, so I can only speculate methods. Will it work? There's nothing else I can try right now, so...", "answer": "Avoidance actually serves to reinforce your anxiety. In the short term you feel a little relief, but it makes the anxiety more problematic overall. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2hcj3p", "comment_id": "2hcj3p"}, {"question": "What went wrong in my 2 years of CBT?", "description": "I was in an emotionally toxic environment. It started off just not good when I started therapy and escalated to truly toxic overtime. In the beginning I sensed something was deeply wrong with the toxic environment, but it was hard to explain. It looked great from the outside. Week after week, story after story, My therapist repeatedly told me to \u201cjust sit with it\u201d. He would say, \u201cWhat if that perception you have isn\u2019t true?\u201d. I was told to question my reality. I was depressed and didn\u2019t want to believe it. I basically feel like my CBT experience taught me my feelings of danger were wrong (they were right, I should have left way sooner, before it got so bad). My body and mind were rebelling and throughout CBT I was encouraged to \u201cchallenge that, where\u2019s the evidence, that\u2019s one perception of that interaction...try to reframe the experience\u201d there should have been no reframing - I was harassed and taken advantage of. I feel cbt convinced me I was wrong, the situation wasn\u2019t that bad, and I should \u201cstick it out\u201d I wish I left sooner. In hindsight it was SO bad. How can I trust any therapist/therapy or even my own feelings after this? How *should* cbt work here and when does the therapist step in (if at all) and say, \u201cyou\u2019re being emotionally abused, this is wrong, save yourself, leave\u201d.", "answer": "You'll find it's pretty rare for a therapist to ever say that last part to you regardless of what modality they work from. \n\nWhile I'm not a big fan of CBT in general, the way it should work is that they should have you considering all options, evidenced for, evidenced against, and making your own decision based off of what you come up with without the therapist pushing you towards any option or choice.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f64iq9", "comment_id": "f64iq9"}, {"question": "[23/m] I'm In Love With My EX [22/f]", "description": "Hey there guys. I've been doing a lot of thinking now and I really need some advice, or help, or something. It's been a little over two months at this point and I still feel lost many times. My ex and I dated for about 10 months. She had a pretty cruel boyfriend before me and wasn't dating for about 6 months. When we got together, it was actually pretty confusing for me. I've dated other girls before, but she and I just had something kinda intangible. Things were kinda weird in the beginning. We dated for 2 weeks, then I had a study trip for a month, then two more weeks, then she left for a semester. She didn't end up staying the whole time though. After about a month and a half, she quit her job and came back to be with me. Things were really great, she was at my apartment a lot, it was so great. Of course, things didn't continue that well, hence me calling her my ex.\nJust a little past 2 months ago, she broke things off. I was totally surprised. I hadn't noticed any strange behavior up until a few days before. Her reasoning was that she thought that the spark had faded; the whole I love you, but I'm not in love thing. It was devastating, because I was still totally in love. It got harder though. It turns out that the way she could tell that the spark had faded was that she had developed an interest in a co-worker. She had only met him about 2 weeks before the breakup and I do know that she didn't cheat on me, she didn't even really spend any alone time with him. The guy is part of this new friend group that she has from work. She started dating him a little less than 2 weeks after we split. That was pretty hard. Her mother still talks to me every now and then. She thinks that I'm great, the best boyfriend she has or will have. I don't know about that level of greatness, but it's flattering. Her mom told me outright that she doesn't really understand why she's interested in him. He sounds like a nice person, but not compatible with her. Either way, she seems content for now.\nI haven't spoken to her in a while. I try not to think about it too much, I've been doing everything that I should to recover, and avoiding things that would hinder me. I've been reflecting on the relationship and I've been seeing some things that probably didn't help. I think I got too complacent, maybe took her for granted a little. The relationship got kinda routine and dull. We had been talking about moving together to a city we thought was more exciting, so I think that's why I didn't focus on the present as much. When I think back on things, I can see that the passion had been going a bit, but I never did anything to hurt her. By all accounts, I was a good boyfriend, if not a little too complacent. I can see how things got dull for her. She basically lived with me for the past 4 months. She had no friends, no hobbies, no job. She would just sit in my apartment all day waiting for me to come home. She relied on me for a lot, then she got a new job about 2 weeks before the breakup, the same time she met this guy.\nI'm sorry if this is too rambling, but it's hard for me to write this super clearly. I'm still in love with her. When I picture my future, she's still in it. I know she felt the same way. I don't think that this guy is someone she's going to date for a while, but I'm not sure what to do. Half of my friends say wait for her to contact me, the other half say to contact her. My therapist asks me what I think is best and I honestly don't know. I don't really know what to do and I really need some help. I know a lot of people suggest that I simply move on, but I wanted to marry this girl one day. I can't forget that easily. It gets so hard sometimes and I really need someone to help me.", "answer": "Don't contact her. Do get on with your life. Waiting for someone this unpredictable to land on \"you're the one I want to make a serious commitment to\" will waste your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bgpvs", "comment_id": "6bgpvs"}, {"question": "How do I inform my overseas coworker that she has an offensive nickname?", "description": "I work for a very large company with employees all over the world. Many of our Asian (central and eastern) employees come up with nicknames or abbreviated versions of their name to make it easier for those of us in North America who might otherwise struggle with properly pronouncing their full names. I have recently met (virtually) a coworker whose nickname is considered offensive to Jews. (I won\u2019t post the word / nickname.)\n\nI\u2019ve tried to subtly pass along a note to both her and her lead, but they don\u2019t quite seem to understand the magnitude of her nickname. Given the fact that she will soon be working with more North Americans I\u2019m very worried about the impact that it will have on future interactions with my clients and coworkers, of which I know at least a handful are Jewish.\n\nI\u2019d be very open to hearing some suggestions on how to properly manage the situation. I\u2019ve thought about going to our HR group, but given the size of that global team it could be quite a while before anything of substance is done. I also know that with English being her second or third language, she's very likely to have little or no historical context for the word in question.\n\nThoughts? Suggestions?", "answer": "Send her an email with links to dictionary/Wikipedia entries that describe the word as offensive and/or a slur. \n\nFor instance: [wiki on \u2018kike\u2019](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kike)\n\n", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "74fkvq", "comment_id": "74fkvq"}, {"question": "Experiences with being treated for ADHD and comorbid depression?", "description": "So I finally saw a psych for the first time today and she wanted to treat me for depression before focusing on ADHD. When I asked about depression caused by ADHD, essentially her reasoning was that she didn't think it was just dysthymia from ADHD since I've had depressive episodes as well. I think that ADHD probably impacts me more throughout the day than depression, but I suppose really couldn't tell since I definitely understand that both of them can exacerbate the symptoms of each other. \n\nI did also mention that I had a prior ADHD diagnosis from when I was younger. \n\nIs this a common experience for this sort of diagnosis? \n\nI'm definitely excited to hopefully be on the path of being a functional person day to day. ", "answer": "Comorbid (means occurring together) diagnoses is very common with ADHD. Two of the more common ones include depression and anxiety. \n\nIt's not uncommon for ADHD to be treated alongside depression. Some antidepressants such as Wellbutrin and Effexor have been even shown to have some effect on ADHD symptoms and Strattera was developed as an antidepressant at first. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cloy4", "comment_id": "3cloy4"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to? If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation? Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone? I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions? Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "2sbbz8"}, {"question": "Is this more than depression?", "description": "Back story: I have had depression for quite a few years. I'm on medication. I also have panic attacks when i think about death. \n\n\nI don't see the point in life. I don't want to die! But i mean I see so many people with passions and hobbies and careers and I just don't get it. I'm envious of them. \n\nIt's not that I'm not good at anything. I have talents but they don't interest me. I've tried several hobbies but again I don't see the point. I feel like I'm just drifting. \n\nI only seem to be happy for a short burst of time when i attach myself to a character. For example: Harley Quinn. I'll read all her comics and buy her merchandise and try to be her. Because I don't have an identity i latch onto characters. I then get bored and move onto the next fictional character. I hope this makes sense as it's difficult to describe! I'm sick of doing this as I waste shit loads of money trying to resell the stuff I've bought. \n\nI'm just not sure what to do. I'm not sad per say just emotionless and don't understand joy or passion.\n\nHas anyone been here? Any advice? \n\nPlease I feel like I'm losing my mind. ", "answer": "Well, it's a profound depression. Anhedonia (loss of pleasure) is particularly challenging for depressed people because it derails the feedback loop that helps people recover. \n\nHave you talked to a counselor or psychiatrist?\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6i8did", "comment_id": "6i8did"}, {"question": "Does this disability exist?", "description": "I keep hearing about Dysgraphia, Dyslexia etc but I don't think my disability exists or even has a name.You know the saying \"Practice makes you perfect?\"Yeah I never believed that. My entire life has worked exactly the opposite of that.\n\nBasically the more time and effort I spend on any task, and the more I practice, I actually get worse at that task.\n\nThe more I write, the worse my calligraphy gets. The more I cook, the more disgusting my dishes are. The more I drive, the more I do stupid shit and incidents. The more I type, the more typos I make. The more I speak, the more I sperg out and bite my tongue.\n\nAnd don't tell me that \"it's just the beginning, keep trying and it gets better\" because I have been trying to write since I was born. And I know it's not dysgraphia because people with dysgraphia cannot even understand other people's writings, while I do. ...and I hope it stays that way.\n\nIs there anyone else in the planet with this disability? Or do I need to ask r/SuicideWatch instead?", "answer": "It sounds more like anxiety and struggling with perfectionism. Whenever you start to gain more of a skill, you generally become more self-aware of issues where you're lacking and need improvement. \n\n\nFor instance, there are a lot of people who like to sing but don't practice singing for performance. Many of them are damned tone-deaf but absolutely can't tell that they're not hitting notes when singing along with something. \n\n\nIf they choose to practice and gain more knowledge, experience with singing, slowly but surely they'll start to hear themselves better. They actually ARE getting better, but it doesn't seem like it because before they were completely unaware at how bad they were whereas they've now gained the ability to see clearly where they are in relation to their goals. It can be really frustrating but it's a necessary step to actually improving. You have to push through and not give up on things because it appears as though you're not doing as well as you'd hope. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91fy3e", "comment_id": "91fy3e"}, {"question": "Dog bite left superficial wound. Do I need a vaccine?", "description": "Yesterday I was jogging through a graveyard when a dog that belonged to a worker there bit me on the leg. It didn't tear the running tights I was wearing and mostly just left a bit of a bruise, but there is a scratch as well. Once I stopped and started yelling at the dog, he cowered away. He didn't seem sick or anything. I think his wild instinct kicked in when he saw me running.\n\nI didn't ask the worker about the dogs vaccination status since at the time I just look at the tights and saw that there wasn't a tear, so figured he couldn't have punctured my skin.\n\nHere's a pic of my leg: http://imgur.com/lamUSR4\n\nDo I need to get a rabies vaccination? Should I go track down the graveyard worker and make sure the dog is vaccinated. What if it's not but also not sick?\n\nAge: 34\nSex: Male\nHeight: 5'10\"\nWeight: 155\nRace: Caucasian \nDuration of complaint: 1 day\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Brooklyn, NY\n\nUpdate: I went to a clinic. The doctor gave me a tetanus shot and told me I had to find the dog owner. Found him and he told me the dog has his shots. Thanks for your help everyone!", "answer": "[Basically](http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/dog-bites) you need to find out the vaccination status of the dog if you can, and your own tetanus status. And see a doc.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5gts0h", "comment_id": "5gts0h"}, {"question": "Fiance (24M) has anxiety about getting an erection, I (21F) have no idea what to do.", "description": "So my fiance and have I have been together for almost 3 years. For about a year now he's been having performance issues. I understand that stress plays a major role in this and etc, so please do not assume I'm being immature about this, I'm just frustrated because I cannot have pleasurable sex with my boyfriend and vice versa. We have talked about it a few times and it seems as if we cannot have sex. I say this because when we do its maybe for 5 minutes at best and I think he's worried about maintainin his erection so to avoid losing it, he ejaculates early. When this happens I tend to myself and have been for sometime since I cannot receive much pleasure. We do other activities which we both like but I want him to regain his confidence and enjoy sex but it seems as if that will never happen. \n\nI should include that for some time I was not getting off from sex mainly because of how it was initiated, being approached with a hard penis and being poked in the ass with it is not very sexy to me. It appears that we can only have sex unless he initates it, I have tried 3 times and it was always met with, I don't think I can, which I understand. \nNot saying I'm not flattered by an erect penis but I'm never able to get wet before we have sex so we use lube and also I'm worried about him losing his erection. \n\nI'm sure I'll come off as mean or rude to some of you but I have no idea what to do. Right now I suggested we not have sex so that he's not having to worry about being hard enough for it and that we just do oral and etc but it I'd rather watch porn for myself and help him when he needs it.\nHas anyone else had to deal with this? If so, how did you handle it? Thanks for your time.", "answer": "have him talk to his doc about sildenafil. after a month, he'll forget to take it one day and he'll be fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70wqay", "comment_id": "70wqay"}, {"question": "Help talking to \u201cSuicidal\u201d patients", "description": "Hey all, \n\nFirst things first: Sorry for formatting (on mobile). Sorry for the terrible throwaway name. \n\nI am a paramedic/firefighter and recently we have had a string of calls for \u201csuicidal\u201d patients. I put it in quotes because each call is different and each patient is at a different point in the process of having Suicidal Ideations to acting upon them. \n\nOur contact time with these patients is usually between 15-60 minutes based on the level of their immediate medical needs. Throughout paramedic school and in our Continuing Education training pretty much the only advice we are given in dealing with these patients is just to \u201cbe supportive\u201d. Obviously this advice is good and much better than being judgmental or criticizing the patient, but I am wondering if there is more I can do. \n\nEach patient is obviously different from one another, so I know it\u2019s hard to give broad suggestions. Other than just speaking to them in a supportive manner and tone/not acting condescending or judgmental, what can I do? \n\nTime is a limited factor in asking the background of why they are feeling this way, and we are transporting the patients to an emergency room to be medically cleared to go to a psych facility that has highly trained professionals waiting. \n\nThe physical health aspect is easy and straightforward to deal with. The mental health needs of these patients is what I would like to feel more comfortable with. \n\nThank you in advance for any advice!\n\nEDIT: This is also my first time ever posting to Reddit, so I apologize if I made and newbie mistakes", "answer": "Hello! \n\nMy city has a unique program where I am a therapist with the fire department. We have two teams where one takes the 911 mental health calls and another team to follow up with services/referrals. \n\nHere are a few things: there will be some people that will exhaust all of their resources and their baseline feelings will be suicidal ideation. The best you can do is talk to them and do your due diligence. Many want to be heard, some just want negative attention. \n\nLook up motivational interviewing, with is what we mainly use as well as brief solution focused therapy (what do you need in the moment for you to thrive.) You can also look up grounding/deescalation techniques if they are getting worked up. You can also look up Mental Health First aid courses in your area and become certified (could potentially be a pay bump too.)\n\nAgain you probably have frequent flyers where you think \"oh great we are going to see X\", or \"I dealt with them last time it's your turn.\" That's typical for most first responders but there is an underlying reason to these patient's behaviors. Some of these people just lack basic resources and don't necessarily know how to get them. There can be some broken links in the process especially if they are brought to the ER and are not set up with proper resources from the social workers at the hospital. Listen to them, hear their story, and see how you can help. If they are suicidal police would be able to put them on a 72 hour hold/eval. It helps with some and not others. Try to be supportive in the moment and see what they need/how you may help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8o17q4", "comment_id": "8o17q4"}, {"question": "My TSH level was 5,06 about 6 months ago, my doc thought it was odd and told me to take another blood test and now it's 2,85?", "description": "Hi. 24F. Recently I've gained a lot of weight and I've been feeling a lot more depressed and tired. I already had depression but this is another level. Also my TSH level was 5,06 so my doctor thought I could have hypothyroidism and that that would explain a lot. He told me to take another blood test and this time it was 2,85,which I think I'd within the reference levels... I didn't want to have thyroid dysfunction but I was happy that there was a logical explanation for this downhill. Can it be a much more serious health issue?", "answer": "Base on the information you\u2019ve given, it doesn\u2019t look like hypothyroidism. We can\u2019t comment on things that weren\u2019t tested.\n\nDepression alone can account for your symptoms and could worse or improve spontaneously.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d5yh03", "comment_id": "d5yh03"}, {"question": "Just lied to my Lyft driver and it went terribly...", "description": "Just left my psych's office and he immediately asked what goes on in the building. I said, \"oh just a doctor visit for my blood pressure\". Apparently he has high blood pressure and he started asking me what my numbers were. I immediately tried my Google-fu but my phone wasn't giving me any service. So I bullshitted with , \" I space out at my appointments\". Then he went on about I'm too young to have high blood pressure. I wanted to fucking blow my brains out that whole ride home.\n\nAnyone have anything similar happen to to them?", "answer": "Its always a bummer since people will still have opinions if you were honest...here is what I would say....\nMe: Oh just seeing Dr. Nunya\nDriver: Nunya who?\nMe: Dr. Nunya Business", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "63egx6", "comment_id": "63egx6"}, {"question": "Anxiety, paranoia, hallucinations, obsessive shopping - which drug/s might be causing these?", "description": "This is in relation to my partner. M47, 220 lbs, 5\u20199 \n\nConditions: bipolar NOS, BPD, hypothyroid \n\nSmoker: yes, cigarettes, a pack a day, marijuana, 1 joint a weekend\n\nMedication: aripiprazole 5 mg, Lamotrigine 200 mg, lithium 900 mg, propranolol 10 mg a few times a day for irritability and anxiety, synthroid I think 1.5 mg, occasionally zopiclone 7 mg for insomnia caused by the lamotrigine \n\nThis regime is new, about a year old.\n\nOccasionally valerian root supplements or 5 htp, for sleep. \n\nLocation: Canada \n\nThere are various symptoms he struggles with, I can explain what they are in a comment. Right now I\u2019m concerned with extreme social anxiety and paranoia. He\u2019s also obsessive (about buying vinyl records) since starting this regime. \n\nHe lives with constant anxiety around negotiating the sidewalk (we live in a busy city), his appearance esp weight and age, what people think of him, social media... This has been with him for a while but it\u2019s gotten worse in the past year or so. \n\nHe thinks a guy living in a building opposite us is trying to intimidate him by staring while both men are smoking. Has also said this guy\u2019s copying him (by wearing a t shirt and jeans...) \n\nand last night said he didn\u2019t totally think so but had the thought that I could be conspiring against him, with this guy across the way. (I tell him to ignore the guy, maybe that\u2019s why.) \n\nToday he thought he heard me calling his name, I wasn\u2019t. (No pot today) \n\nSince starting abilify he\u2019s said he feels a presence whenever he\u2019s working on recording music (he\u2019s concentrating a lot when he does that). The timeline for the abilify introduction and that symptom is definite. \n\nThe lamotrigine messes up his sleep (that is also a definite and specific correlation ). He either went without sleep or used her a supplements until recently. Lately started zopiclone. \n\nOn zopiclone and valerian root, he Told me he saw a visual hallucination (an album we were listening to on Spotify via the TV) coming out of the TV. \n\nHe doesn\u2019t take zopiclone consistently and the marijuana is strictly weekends. The pot does make him anxious and I could see it contributing to hallucinations. He said he\u2019d take a break from it. So we\u2019ll see if that helps with hallucinations etc... \n\nBut Could the abilify be contributing to the anxiety, paranoia, and obsessive vinyl buying?", "answer": "Abilify can rarely cause compulsive behaviors, which include compulsive shopping. But along with that I would expect a decrease in paranoia and probably anxiety. These are symptoms that need to be discussed with his psychiatrist urgently.\n\nValerian root 1) can affect the metabolism of other medications, and 2) is a supplement not subject to much quality control, and therefore could actually be almost anything. Especially with an already complicated medication regimen I would recommend against it.\n\nMarijuana can cause prolonged psychosis in susceptible individuals because of its distribution and half-life. He should abstain not just during the week but for an extended period and see if that is helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e83bpm", "comment_id": "e83bpm"}, {"question": "Looking for a coach/guide--33-year-old learning to study the world", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI want to start over with my education. I learned about the ADHD a couple of years ago and it put all of the pieces together. One of the pieces being how I have struggled to learn the things I deeply LONG to understand in the world. Like HISTORY, governments, all of the systems humans set up and why they work the way they do. I was right the whole time, not imagining things--I really WAS missing something and unable to connect the dots. All I want is to be able to say I am an informed citizen, not just learning how to recycle the same narratives I hear around me (that is what I have done in the past, so I can at least sound informed.)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo now I want to begin again with this new understanding of what DOESN'T work for me. And an ability to advocate for myself. I just don't know if I can do it alone. Does anyone have advice for how to find someone who understands ADHD brains who can help hold me to some kind of learning structure? Maybe I would meet with them every month. I need help prioritizing what to pay attention to.\n\nMuch peace, thanks y'all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEDIT: Now I am realizing the right word for the person I am looking for is really \"tutor.\" I am looking for someone who can work with me on the content I want to learn, not so much a learning coach. They just have to be someone who understands ADHD--I've had enough teachers in life who didn't understand the particular obstacles my brain has in the learning process.", "answer": "You might consider searching for a psychotherapist who specializes in ADHD. A therapist with training and experience treating ADHD may provide a number of similar suggestions as would an ADHD coach; however, a therapist will be less accessible to you in terms of phone or email support than I imagine a coach would be, and that may be the reason your looking specifically for a coach to begin with. You could still reach out to a therapist who specializes, however, and ask if they also offer coaching/phone support at an additional rate or if they can give you referrals to a coach.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "au8awk", "comment_id": "au8awk"}, {"question": "[21M] Can I safely exceed the recommended dose for sleeping pills if they don't affect me?", "description": "I barely got 5 hours~ of sleep in the past two days. My wisdom teeth (yes, two pushing at the same time, very fun) have been making my life a nightmare recently, but now that i'm also sick and my sinuses are as overfilled as our landfills, I can't even lay down for more than 2 minutes it puts weight on my already sensitive and hurt teeth. It's insane. I need to sleep before I lose my mind!", "answer": "Not enough information. We need to m is what pills, any other medications you take, and any medical conditions you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dbhujm", "comment_id": "dbhujm"}, {"question": "Holy sh*t! 1 year.", "description": "One year ago today I drove to work feeling terrible. Nauseous, dry mouth, Wondering if I\u2019d get a DUI if I got pulled over, even though I hadn\u2019t had a drink that morning. I checked my face in the mirror and thought, puffy lips and eyes but maybe not too bad. Maybe no one will know how bad off I am. \n\nOne year ago today I sat at my desk praying no one would need me until I felt a little better; water and coffee, let the Advil soak in, come back at 10am and I might be functional. \n\nOne year ago today, as I did many days, I googled alcoholism, AA meetings, rehab and how to stop drinking. This stop drinking subreddit came up in my search results. I\u2019d never been to Reddit before. \n\nOne year ago today I clicked that link and started reading. One year ago today I sat at my desk and cried because it was the first time I didn\u2019t feel alone. I closed my office door and read the stories, your stories, through my tears. I didn\u2019t feel so broken anymore. \n\nOne year ago today I actually found a noon AA meeting a couple of blocks away. I walked there and went into the wrong building with a stranger. He was looking for the meeting too. We left together and searched for the right place. Thank you AA stranger. If it hadn\u2019t been for you, I probably would have chickened out and turned around. \n\nOne year ago today I walked back to my office in tears (I became quite the blubbering idiot for awhile) feeling, not the shame I was used to but, relief. I joined SD and made my first post, my daily pledge. I will not drink with you today. \n\nI didn\u2019t know what the future held. I didn\u2019t know if this was a momentary lapse in my drinking or something more. All I knew is that this day I would forgo that first drink. I would not drink with you all. \n\nI stopped going to meetings. I don\u2019t mediate or write in my journal as often as I did in the beginning. But I have never stopped coming here. It is a daily ritual for me. \n\nThank you internet strangers for your stories and support. Thank you stranger who got me to that first meeting. Thank you amazing husband who was my daily source of real life support. \n\nFor those starting out- it really does get easier. Old timers, keep on going. \n\nI will not drink with you today. :)", "answer": "Well done. A v good story. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uwsps", "comment_id": "8uwsps"}, {"question": "Why does my girlfriend ignore me on facebook?", "description": "Me M/22, my gf/24. Been together 3 years. Broke up for 6 months last year.\n\nWe're friends on facebook, no relationship status, which is fine and dandy but everytime I post something on her wall, she pretty much ignores it. She doesn't acknowledge it whatsoever. However when other people do, she does. She made friends while we were apart, as did I, so there are new people in her life, but one dude in particular is always posting things on her wall and she's always liking them or commenting them. Me on the other hand, she pretty much ignores/does not acknowledge publicly.\n\nI'm starting to think a few things, like a) she does not want people knowing she's in a relationship, b) she bad mouthed me while we were apart and is embarrassed, or c) she's cheating on me.\n\nEither way, all of these come down to the fact it seems she doesn't want to publicly acknowledge me!\n\nAm I being ridiculous? It's starting to bug me, obviously.", "answer": "Don't worry about how she treats you on Facebook. How she treats you IRL is what matters. \n\nIf it bugs you so much, though, you could simply ask her if she means to ignore your posts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ko77z", "comment_id": "ko77z"}, {"question": "How To", "description": "My husband is planning to stop drinking after several years of having 3-4 vodka tonics every night for 4-5 years. Some nights maybe more. Should he even attempt detox at home? Worried about him doing it without medical support, but I also worry about Covid 19. TIA.", "answer": "Y\u2019all are all so helpful and kind. He\u2019s not an internet guy but I\u2019m going to encourage him to come here. Thanks so much and I wish you well on your own journeys!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "g80ic7", "comment_id": "g80ic7"}, {"question": "Easy Social Tip Thread", "description": "Hey guys lets gather round and post some simple social tips we've learned on our journeys of self improvement. Think things that that are immediately applicable and and easy to implement. I'll start:\n\nInstead of pointing at someone during a conversation, which can come across as aggressive and rude, gesture at them with an upward facing palm and outstretched fingers, as if you're presenting something to them. Doing this in lieu of pointing will make you seem much more open and less standoffish. ", "answer": "Make deliberate goals, and practice specifically to achieve those goals. If you go to the golf course and swing your club randomly, you're never going to get better. But if you go and deliberately practice part of your swing, you will get better. \n\nSame thing with social skills--set realistic goals, figure out the baby steps that lead to your goal, and practice practice practice. \n\nIf you need more advice, [this](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/foundations/where-are-you-going) is a good resource on setting social skills goals.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11p7td", "comment_id": "11p7td"}, {"question": "I'm scared I might have to be committed to the hospital again.", "description": "I've been on a constant battle of highs and lows lately, and it's getting to the point where I'm concerned I might do something stupid and fuck up my whole system that I started for myself. \nI'm getting anxious and my thoughts are clouded and horrible thoughts are being produced because of that anxiety and it won't stop. I think I'm coming to a point where I can't talk myself down and I really just don't want to go to the hospital because I can't get my shit together. \nI just want to feel better and I thought I was doing well for a little bit but then of course I take two fucking steps in the opposite direction of my good path.\n\nI don't have people in my life that I can share this with, my boyfriend is dealing with his own things at the moment and I feel like I'm burdening him with just more problems, but then I cause problems by being emotional when he acts stand-offish because he's dealing with his shit. \n\nMaybe it's better that I go to the hospital, I don't know. \n\nI'm sorry if this doesn't belong here or if I'm not doing this right. It's my first time actually posting on reddit after being a long time lurker of multiple subs. ", "answer": "I found i feel the worst when I don't talk about it and keep it all in. It kills me inside to not but I feel so much better if I confront someone about how I feel and be real about it. \n\n\"Hey I know this sounds irrational but i feel this way\"", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2kuqtr", "comment_id": "2kuqtr"}, {"question": "What is the next step? Finally decided to do something about my depression ", "description": "I've finally decided to do something about my problems. I'm at the bottom. Is there a certain type of doctor I should see? I haven't been to a doctor in 10 years. I feel a little lost about where to go from here.", "answer": "Try looking for a therapist. Just google \"therapist\" or \"counseling\" and your city, and it should provide a good list of your local resources. Then just look for one that seems good and call the #", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ws2j2", "comment_id": "ws2j2"}, {"question": "Do any of you have experience with Somatic Experiencing?", "description": "It was recently suggested by my therapist, and I wanted to see if anyone had any success or lack thereof with this kind of treatment. Thanks", "answer": "I have some experience with sensorimotor which is a related modality. I find the body oriented stuff really really useful because there is some stuff that words just don\u2019t touch. I\u2019d love to do a more formal course of sensorimotor as a patient one day. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "82xawh", "comment_id": "82xawh"}, {"question": "[23/f] need other perspective on my relationship with my boyfriend [24/m]", "description": "so, i have been in a relationship with my bf for almost 1 year now and i am feeling very confused about what i should do. i'm quite an anxious person and i can get depressed sometimes for no reason, i've had eating disorders in the past and he knows about it. his personnality is pretty stubborn. we have different opinions on politics and some values and sometimes he can be obnoxious and not let me express my mind. he often feels like i'm making fun of him because sometimes i smile or scoff when he says something that i don't agree with. anyway the thing is i'm starting to wonder if we should take a break. i do love him and i don't want to lose him but he gives me so much pressure. i know he doesn't quite get my mental health problems but i feel like he's not trying, he's just being tough with me and instead on making me feel motivated it makes me really sad and resentful towards him. i feel like i need to sort myself out before being in a relationship especially since he's thinking about getting married and having a family with me. i do want that as well but not in the near future, i want to get my sh*t together first and feel comfortable with myself. the thing is we are living overseas right now and sharing appartement so if i want to take a break that would be moving out and i don't know if that's worth it. i tried to tell him about wanting to take a break but i'm afrait to hurt him. he has told me before that he thinks \"taking a break\" means breaking up. so i really don't know what to do, i feel confused and i'm starting to be really unhappy, as i have to pretend i'm not stressed or sad when i go home to not let him down.\nif you have any advice or if you've been through the same kind of stuff, i'd love to read what you have to say! \nthank you for taking the time to read me, have a good day.", "answer": "always best to resolve anx/dep before making a major life decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vni2w", "comment_id": "5vni2w"}, {"question": "Advice for an 18 year old taking a year off school", "description": "What should I do? I took a year off because I don\u2019t know what I want to do with my life or what I like. I sit at home and watch tv and it\u2019s killing me. What are some productive things I could do with my time? I like to learn about new things and want to explore all my options.", "answer": "Try to better yourself in some way. Take a class at a community center, learn a new skill, get a therapist, see a career counselor. Do thunbgs that are fun but could help guide you in the future. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72wx2i", "comment_id": "72wx2i"}, {"question": "Does a man being shorter than you really matter?", "description": "This guys is shorter than me for like, I don't exactly know because we never really met yet, a few inches (I am like 1,73 and him 1,69 or 1,70 cm). I know kinda like... what you feel for the person is what is important but I always find myself wondering about the height gap, what people are going to say and how they'll look. If you you have any experience on this or an idea, plz leave a comment. ", "answer": "of course not", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ax5f", "comment_id": "67ax5f"}, {"question": "Yesterday I just walked out without any purpose", "description": "I had the idea to confront myself with my anxieties and just walked out without any purpose. I drove with the bus to our inner city here in L\u00fcnen, Germany, and asked random people for a cigarette (usuallly I don't smoke, it was just a test) as a confrontation therapy to overcome social fear. \n\nAnd I learnt that being denied (only two of 10 people I asked gave me a cigarette), that feeling of someone telling you 'no' is not a great feeling, yes, it is negative but it did not kill me. I registered it as a negative feeling that came and went away after a while. Like all feelings.\n\nNow I have less anxiety talking to strangers or asking something because being denied is not that crucial as I always thought it would be. \n\nWhat I want to tell you: just try to do the things you are afraid of! It will be uncomfortable but you will feel a feeling of success that is great!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHave a nice day.", "answer": "Great task to give yourself. It definitely helps with fear of rejection because a lot of people no matter how friendly they might be, won't give out cigarettes. I hate when people ask me. \n\nMay I offer a suggestion for helping with socialization? Do the same thing, but don't ask for cigarettes. Have them and ask people that are smoking and standing around for a light saying you lost your lighter. If they're just hanging out, outside of a bar, or in a park, or whatever, spark up a conversation while you smoke. Folks will be much more likely to give you a light and engage you in conversation than if you ask for a cigarette. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kp9sn", "comment_id": "9kp9sn"}, {"question": "Please read this", "description": "So basically my story is that im usually a worrisome person. I have anxiety but over the years i've been able to control it tremendously. This past school year i was in a great time in my life. In May i went to a party and drank and smoked. As soon as i smoked i had an awful reaction and had the worst experience of my life. \n\nThe next morning when i woke up i didnt feel 100%. I felt in a daze. Sometimes i felt in a dream. My anxiety was through the roof. I smoked a few times after that and quit on June 25th. I havent smoked since then. The problem is i don't see any change. I think i may be going through physcosis. I feel like im going to go crazy at times. My hearing is weird also. It's not as clear as it was before my experience. My head is heavy all the time it feels like an anxiety headache. I feel the anxiety in my head. I have some derealization from this. Im always tired and always depressed. Always feeling empty and lonely. \n\n\nI want some advice. My parents are so against drugs so i havent told them and dont plan on if so please dont suggest that. They would kill me. I think its finally time for me to see a doctor but im not sure what to say. I'm not sure if meds are a good or bad thing. Someone please help. I want to feel how i felt before this experience. I dont plan on smoking again. I dont feel confident anymore. I want to get better. \n\nAlso forgot to mention that i have bad brain fog. Everything is in a daze and my eyesight feels distorted but i have perfect vision. I was at the eye doctor last week. I want to be able to have a clear mind from now on. ", "answer": "To clarify, what did you smoke?\n\nYou're not psychotic. But go seek advice from your GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52px9h", "comment_id": "52px9h"}, {"question": "Question about Yellow Fever Vaccines", "description": "Hi all,\nI will be travelling to Argentina on Sunday. Next Wednesday, I will be travelling to an area where it is recommended that you get a Yellow Fever vaccine. I will be getting my shot tomorrow, as we had completely missed that you need to get vaccinated against yellow fever going there. My question is, since it is recommended you get it 10 days before travel, will I not be at all protected if we go there 7 days after, and going into the national park 8 days after?\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "You've answered your own question regarding [yellow fever vaccinations](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Yellow-fever/Pages/Prevention.aspx). You will be at increased risk, and its a potentially a fatal disease.\n\nAny way you can rejig your itinerary?\n\n(Argentina is fantastic, by the way).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56zfz1", "comment_id": "56zfz1"}, {"question": "As someone who found AA before I found reddit...", "description": "Sometimes I read really great stuff in this sub. It has been helpful. I love to hear people talk about getting two or three days, and being genuinely proud of themselves. The daily quotes are great. I am still repeating one of the quotes actually \"A turtle never travels without sticking out his neck\". Pretentious prick that I am, I say that all the time now. It makes me feel very wise haha. \n\nNow what is bothering me. There have been a number of times where people have posted here with very negative outlooks on the AA program. I guess it is not for everyone. I get that. I dont think it matters what kind of drinker/addict you are/were...it just doesnt work for everyone. Most of the complaints about AA relate directly to the higher power/spirituality aspect of the program. This makes me want to explode. Its like well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death. Part of my program is supposed to be about accepting others and knowing that the only thing I can change is me. It is just very frustrating to see people put down a course of action that has worked very well for millions of people. It makes me see that person as clearly being too smart for their own good. I really enjoy this sub, but when people come here and bash AA...thats like going to r/trees and bashing weed. Is there a subreddit for twelve step folks who enjoy being \"brainwashed in a cult\"? Is the internet even acceptable within the 12 traditions? Am I a total dick? Is it totally unacceptable to tell someone who has a problem with AA where I think they should put their drinking problem?", "answer": "I had to learn through a lot of frustration that lending the hand of AA does not manifest in me coming here and fighting against every person who talks down about the program. Believe me I did that for months. It's normal, it's human to care deeply for something that does so much for my life. \n\nThe issue with that fighting is that, what does Alcoholics Anonymous look like to the guy I just fought with when he has no where left to turn and can't stop drinking? Will he think of an accepting group of people there to help him recover from a hopeless state of mind and body? Or will he think of the asshole he said mean things and fought with him just because he had a different opinion. \n\nIf attraction rather than promotion is how our membership comes to be then, we have to conduct ourselves so that the program actually looks worthwhile. People who see, \"well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death.\" are going to turn and run away from this thing. \n\nIf a person wants to try and get sober without AA that is okay. If a person wants to get sober, but feels AA isn't an option because it's just a bitter group of people who have a my way or the highway mentality, then that is a failing on the part of the members of AA. It is my responsibility to practice these principles and all my affairs so that the next guy sees me and says, \"wow, this AA thing might really work.\"\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1yblyw", "comment_id": "1yblyw"}, {"question": "Did I (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was I sexually assaulted?", "description": "My boyfriend (17/m) and I had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. There was nothing about him I disliked and I really enjoyed being in this relationship with him. \n\nI went to a party with a group of friends, thinking I knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so I was in a safe space. This resulted in me drinking way more than I could handle (which is completely my fault, I didn't know my limits and I take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. A guy I went to school with when I was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. I don't really remember anything else from the night. Two of my friends and I left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I'd ever had, and was sick all morning. One of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy I mentioned earlier. I was so shocked, especially because I genuinely had no memory of it, and I was absolutely against cheating. I asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but I didn't respond to her when she asked what I was doing. Another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak. \n\nI told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because I was so scared of what his reaction would be. He ended up dumping me, saying that I had cheated on him and that I 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. I explained to him that I had no memory of it, that I didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state I was in, and that I was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. I'm so upset, because I don't see this as me cheating on him, I see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. He's now gone and told his friends that I cheated on him, which has spread around my school. Is he correct in saying that I'm to blame? I know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'? \n\ntl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did I get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse-- it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "5rf97b"}, {"question": "\u201cSuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d I hate sayings like this with all my heart.", "description": "People who say these sort of phrases have no fucking idea what it\u2019s like to be in severe pain. They have no clue whatsoever. They\u2019re either not educated on cases where people are in severe pain and don\u2019t respond to treatment or they just don\u2019t believe it. They can\u2019t believe life can be that bad that suicide is the only option. And it\u2019s because they\u2019re basing their views on their OWN experience. Their OWN feelings and thoughts which aren\u2019t the same as people contemplating suicide. \n\nIf people who say these bullshit phrases could just take a step back and think about things logically. For example, a person posts that they are going to kill themselves. They have suffered in pain for years, they are damaged, they\u2019ve tried countless treatments with no response and every day is filled with pain. Without the fortune of not being in their shoes, can they not understand why suicide is a viable option? Even if you can\u2019t feel their pain, surely the facts can speak for themselves. You have to be a fucking idiot to read about a case like that and say to them \u201csuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d or \u201cwe have to play the cards we are dealt\u201d. \n\nDo they really think that the suicidal person( after years of pain) is going to think \u201cthis quote has changed my perspective entirely. I think I\u2019m going to live now\u2019\u201d. Whether the person intends to or not, sayings like this are patronising to people who have spent months or years weighing the options. I\u2019m not saying they should just let them die if they\u2019ve posted something like that. But patronising and bullshit quotes, when you can\u2019t relate, just makes me pissed off. \n\nAlthough it\u2019s hard and the person just wants to post to let the pain out, they can\u2019t without receiving responses that make them feel patronised and stupid. In general I just hate sayings and quotes. They shouldn\u2019t be applied to be such a common thing that applies to everyone and every case. There\u2019s no right way to respond to someone suicidal, but saying quotes is not the way. Best way I can think of is just saying \u2018I\u2019m here if you need me for anything, if you want to talk\u201d. I\u2019m just a big believer in free will. No one should be confined to a life of pain.", "answer": "People who utter such inane platitudes have a blind spot where empathy should be. It\u2019s frustrating but all too common, like the guy who tells the homeless to get a job. But if you want to reduce the likelihood of suicide there is something you can do. We are currently experiencing an epidemic of suicide. Gun owners are more likely to kill themselves or have a family member commit suicide than non gun owning homes. I don\u2019t own a gun and I avoid them as best I can.\nhttps://www.hsph.harvard.edu/magazine/magazine_article/guns-suicide/", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "hhpzqn", "comment_id": "hhpzqn"}, {"question": "New job, advice from MH workers?", "description": "*first post* I just got a new job as a Support Worker for the mentally ill. I've done support work before but with youth and this is going to be extremely different. Can anyone give me a little heads up on what is expected? I have some idea but I was rushed into it and not too sure what is expected from me. I start my induction tomorrow, what am I too expect? Thank you. ", "answer": "What type of facility will you be working at? What population?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4r1uaj", "comment_id": "4r1uaj"}, {"question": "Retirement by herself...", "description": "A quick story about how I came to subscribe to SD.\n\nRecently, I completed a very detailed analysis on my wife and my financial situation and retirement plan. I announced with no small amount of pride that if we made this small change and did this instead of that, she could go part time at work now and we could have everything we owned free and clear to do what we pleased by my 62nd birthday (about 12 yrs from now) instead of my 79th (the last plan).\n\nAs I imagined, she was very excited and happy for a brief moment, but surprisingly only a moment. Then she remarked quite flatly, \"Too bad I will have to enjoy all this by myself.\"\n\nNeedless to say, I was stunned -- had no clue where that came from. \"Whaddayamean?\" I asked in a high pitched voice and arms in the air, thinking I should have been scoring huge brownie points at this announcement.\n\n\"Well, with your weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, lack of exercise, stress at work and drinking habits -- you won't be here to enjoy all this with me.\"\n\nThat night I went searching for online advice, signed up here and made my first daily pledge the next morning to not drink after 30 years of not often being too careful about the matter.\n\nAs I reflect, I realize how blessed I am to still be employed and resourceful, have a good family that still loves me and some promise ahead if I wake up now and stop letting the wind blow me into the next glass of whiskey (or beer or wine or vodka, doesn't matter, I like them all).\n\nCurrently, I am quietly 4 days in with my 1st Friday night out drinking seltzer and lime while the wife and (of age) kids enjoyed their favorite adult beverages. Strangely, not a word was said, almost like she didn't want to jinx me.\n\nOne pitfall I discovered though...drinking four tall glasses of seltzer over a 2 hour period tends to make one somewhat more gassy than the bourbon. ;)\n\n", "answer": "Well done. Very mature in the best ways !\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "92lrek", "comment_id": "92lrek"}, {"question": "Depression feels good to me?", "description": "As the title says, being sad just feels so good. During an extreme depressive episode, i will initially feel horrible and after a week, the depression feels satisfying in a way. Somewhat orgasmic for some reason. For some reason it just hurts so good. i also just ghosted my friends. I now have nobody to talk to, but this self destructive behavior is so satisfying to me. What is wrong with me? And why do i forcefully isolate myself? I am so lonely, even with friends and family around me. My mind is more clear right now but when im in the gutters again i will probably continue this shitty behavior. What is wrong with me? Why do I enjoy being depressed? It sounds so fucked but it took me years to admit to myself that i enioy being depressed as much as i hate it, to the point where i never want to be happy again for some reason. Why am i so fucked? Is this normal?", "answer": "Read the book \u2018Addicted to Unhappiness.\u2019", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "i5w928", "comment_id": "i5w928"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "8y0xoy"}, {"question": "I think I have hepatitis", "description": "5'7\n180 poumds\nsmoker\naddict in recovery\n\n\n\n\ntest results\n\n\nhep b surf aquant 49.7\n\nstatus of immunity\nconsistent with immuity \n\n\n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/Y93qFX7\n\n\nDo I? What does these mean\n\n", "answer": "Did you get a hepatitis B vaccine? A negative surface antigen and positive surface antibody means immunity of some kind, either from vaccination or an infection that resolved on its own.\n\nIt's also hard to interpret hepatitis A antibodies without a surface antigen or breakdown of IgM and IgG antibodies. It's also usually not important. Hepatitis A makes you sick, but then you recover. If you don't feel sick, it's generally not a problem. My guess is, again, that you either have gotten the vaccine or had hepatitis A in the past.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92vwrl", "comment_id": "92vwrl"}, {"question": "how can I get over my intense fear of rejection", "description": "So pretty much I have my biggest fear is being rejected. Its so bad Im 19 and I never had a real GF not because Im ugly or people dont like me just because Im so scared of them saying no. any tips to overcome this fear?", "answer": "Not exactly but almost exactly everyone you don't ask is essentially a no. You guarantee rejection by not asking and the reality of rejection may not be as bad as the anxiety over it. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4c66rc", "comment_id": "4c66rc"}, {"question": "Writing", "description": "Do you guys ever have this thing where you just happen to rush through your writing and skip a letter or a word.\n\nAs if your hand couldn't keep up with your brain?", "answer": "Evry sigle dy", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "79o2wg", "comment_id": "79o2wg"}, {"question": "Do smart people judge/categorise others as stupid/not up to their intelligence level?", "description": "Background:\n\nI've been around smart people all my life (selective school/top university, and within that I tend to put myself into positions where I am in the middle of the super-smart ones..) but have always struggled to keep up with them academically and intellectually due to social anxiety, depression, etc getting in the way. So whilst I'm a curious person, I've even been scared to ask questions about things I don't understand, which starts a vicious cycle of guilt, embarrassment and non-learning!\n\nIn terms of sport, the difference might be comparable to being amongst players in a top 4 Premier league team, when I'm simply a mid-level player in a team near the bottom of the table. So arguably in the same league, but there's ultimately a big difference between us.\n\nQUESTION:\n\nMy question is, whilst I'm not stupid - I can't keep up with them when they're at top speed unless I slow them down by asking a load of questions. After a while would they start getting mildly irritated and disregard me as someone who isn't quite on their 'level' and can't keep up? Or is it entirely in my head and asking lots of questions is exactly what I should do when I'm not understanding them? (since there are now a lot of gaps in my general knowledge, I would need to do this doubly from now on..!)", "answer": "There is a difference between intelligence and expertise. Highly intelligent people can often come up to speed faster but may still perform more poorly next to less intelligent experts at least at first. And then stuff like anxiety will degrade the advantage of intelligence as it hogs the Brain's CPU so to speak. Stuff to think about. Being publicly judgmental is neither about being expert or intelligent. But more about cruelty, dominance or need for efficiency. In any event, its not personal when it does happen. Hope this helps. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "20s06c", "comment_id": "20s06c"}, {"question": "How do you find your will to live again after a bad breakup/divorce?", "description": "Hello Reddit. I need some help.\n\nWhat do you do when you are mentally strong enough to stop yourself from committing suicide, but not enough to pull yourself out of a deep depression where you have no will to live?\n\nEvery day I dread waking up, wishing I was dead. I am only 34 but as ridiculous as it sounds I am convinced my best years are behind me. I know theoretically if I give it months or years the hurt may slowly fade, but right now I can barely get through each day. I am making myself physically ill and can barely concentrate at work, but I can't afford to take any more sick days.\n\nMy girlfriend of nearly 10 years left me several months ago and I am not coping well. She was the love of my life and I had been planning on proposing to her during our vacation this fall. She said she is very sorry but she just doesn't love me anymore, moved in with her sister and is already seeing someone new. After she collected the last of her things, she blocked my number. I have been respecting her wishes to leave her alone and try to move on.\n\nI am beyond devastated. I know it takes time, but I am really struggling to stay afloat each day. I have nothing to look forward to, live for, or reason to get up in the morning. She was the one I dreamed of travelling with, marrying, and starting a family. I was going to be a good dad one day and live a happy simple life with the love of my life. My future is gone.\n\nI have tried all the usual advice, researched the stages of grief, how to cope with breakups or divorce, methods of coping, seen a doctor, refused antidepressants (but am considering them now despite bad experiences with them many years ago), bike to work for exercise, try to force myself to eat, hang out with my best bud, get out of the house and try new things etc..\n\nYet nearly 24/7 I feel so hopeless and depressed I can barely function. Distractions don't work because I can't stop thinking about her. Life is meaningless without her.\n\nI know this is supposed to pass in time but I can barely hold on each day and just keep daydreaming about killing myself even though I know I won't - I couldn't do that to my poor parents.\n\nHow do you find your will to live again?", "answer": "Sometimes grief becomes a clinical depression. I would talk to your doc. Grief is different for everyone. Give yourself things to look forward to everyday. Put structure in your days off and weekends, so you're not waking up saturday mornings to an abyss of time and empty space. Surround yourself with people who love you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhmud", "comment_id": "6fhmud"}, {"question": "Feeling guilty for burdening my therapist.", "description": " **I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?** \n\n Today at therapy I told my therapist how suicidal I have been lately and that I was scared and hopeless. She doesn't want to send me to the hospital but she doesn't want me to kill myself either. We are meeting again on Friday, but I am suppose to call her if I am feeling terrible.\n\n I know I scared her and worried her, and that I am being stubborn and impatient. \n\n Don't tell me \"it's her job\" to care because that will make me feel worse. I feel like I should \"pretend\" to get better just to make her stop worrying, and separate myself from her. She is so important to me that it is pathetic. I should not bring her down.\n\n**I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?**", "answer": "People don't go into helping professions, like being a therapist, if they didn't care about people. Yes, its her job and she is getting paid to listen and to help you- but if she didn't care about people, she most likely wouldn't like her job. And if she didn't like her job, she probably would have found another.\n\nIf you are feeling worse, or suicidal *please* tell her. Don't feel guilty at all for them. Trust me (I work in a counseling setting) you're not overwhelming her.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sehva", "comment_id": "sehva"}, {"question": "120 days + my favourite quote, which resonates now more than ever.", "description": "\"In the greatest confusion there is still an open channel to the soul. It may be difficult to find because by midlife it is overgrown, and some of the wildest thickets that surround it grow out of what we describe as our education. But the channel is always there, and it is our business to keep it open, to have access to the deepest part of ourselves\u2014to that part of us which is conscious of a higher consciousness, by means of which we make final judgments and put everything together. The independence of this consciousness, which has the strength to be immune to the noise of history and the distractions of our immediate surroundings, is what the life struggle is all about. The soul has to find and hold its ground against hostile forces, sometimes embodied in ideas which frequently deny its very existence, and which indeed often seem to be trying to annul it altogether.\"\n\n-Saul Bellow, Noble Prize Winner.\n\nThis quote needs some clarification (it is a comment on his great novel *Herzog*, about a man in deep crisis). By soul/higher consciousness, he means this in a very literal (rather than mystical) way. 'Higher consciousness' here does not mean 'god' necessarily, (quite frankly, I see nothing specifically religious about his statement), merely a set of beliefs we regard as great. We all have them: e.g. I want to quit drinking, I want to be a better person, I want to lose weight, whatever... they differ from person to person, but we make certain goals or ideals at certain times. To use an analogy, I like to think of it as a back-up drive to a computer, separate from the main thing.\n\nBut reality is not so clean, not so focused. Reality can be cruel. Reflecting on history can be depressing (our own personal histories, and the history of civilisation). But we can always return to those initial statements we made. To continue the computer analogy, we're bound to get a virus, our computer is going to freeze, etc... we have to reboot now and again. Clear the drives, delete the unnecessaries, update our software. But we have that backup. And it's our job to keep it updated. To refer to it. Amend it if need be. This, as Bellow points out, is what the life struggle is all about.\n\nThanks for your help /r/stopdrinking!", "answer": "This is a beautiful thought from a great thinker. Thanks for passing it on. I stopped drinking when I was 23 and I'm 58 now. I don't regret it. I'm still working on keeping that channel open. \n\nHere's another:\n\nAn adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. Moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. An adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. They created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. The adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. An adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. Finally, the adult understands renunciation.\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "25cjrn", "comment_id": "25cjrn"}, {"question": "Who is your biggest help through your depression? Mine is Kid Cudi", "description": "Cudi has helped me through a lot. I feel like no one I know really gets me however I feel as if Cudi speaks to me through his music, especially his first album ", "answer": "Absolutely love his first album. Really well written. I've always loved hardcore and punk music. Was a good way to kind of release some anger/rage. The fast beats and screaming always kind of got my blood pumping when I felt lethargic and just drained of energy.\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6x9jj6", "comment_id": "6x9jj6"}, {"question": "Does too much empathy discount an asperger's diagnosis?", "description": "My psychologist (not a specialist in asperger's) seems to be convinced that I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum. He's brought it up to me before that I exhibit a lot of the same characteristics that someone with asperger's would have, just to a lesser degree and to a different extent. I agree with him and we are currently looking for a specialist to have me tested. In the meantime I've been keeping track of my own behaviour so that when I am tested I have a semi-record of some of my day-to-day thoughts and behaviours. \n\nSomething that I've noticed while I've been journaling my own behaviour is that I feel a lot of empathy for other people. The only thing that makes me doubt that I might have asperger's is that sometimes people's facial expressions can heavily affect my emotions. For instance, the other day I saw a man crying and I immediately picked up on it and was almost brought to tears myself. In addition to that I intuitively respond to other people's smiles, and almost can't help myself from smiling when someone is genuinely smiling. If I'm having trouble putting myself in someone else's shoes I can effort myself into seeing their perspective\n\n I certainly have a lot of the other aspect's (poor socialization and \"intense\" interests) but my empathizing doesn't seem to fit the bill. From your experience does any of this discount an asperger's diagnosis?", "answer": "It shouldn't. The word empathy does not appear in the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's.\n\nP.S. 18 days until the DSM-V is released and Asperger's will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis (in the U.S., at least).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dzouv", "comment_id": "1dzouv"}, {"question": "Does anyone have a mantra against thinking \"i'm difficult\"", "description": "I feel like, \"I'm being difficult\" runs through my head about a thousand times a day. I know I'm just beating myself up, and I also know I could shift that and be kinder to myself.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEvery sour interaction, every negative response I get from someone, micro or otherwise, I mentally go to that place of recognition that says \"OH, I'm being difficult again\". Its why friends back off from me, lovers have left, the struggles with my parents, and why I've lost good-standing in jobs.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nDoes anyone have some kind of DBT skill or mantra they use to combat this particular line of thinking?", "answer": "IFS had some good techniques for this, one of the primary being: \" how has this being difficult been used as a way to protect or care for me and it's this still necessary?\"", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "a0jtxu", "comment_id": "a0jtxu"}, {"question": "Please settle this for me! What test for insulin resistance?", "description": "Basically, the title. I'm trying to get pregnant, and wondering if I should be on metformin. My RE tested my fasting insulin and said it's really good (I believe she said they look for it to be under a 10, and it's a 4), so that Met wouldn't do me any good. But I can tell I have hypoglycemia issues, and I also know I've seen people on here say that test isn't sufficient. So what test(s) should I insist on? Thanks ", "answer": "Hmm. Fasting insulin usually is the go-to test to diagnose insulin resistance. You could ask for the 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test, but that's a pain and not all centers will even do it (I think). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ly4vr", "comment_id": "3ly4vr"}, {"question": "What are the best career survey tests?", "description": "Im looking to find a comprehensive test, one that is preferably long (~200 questions). Willing to pay money for it. Need to find a good indicator of what I should study and pursue.", "answer": "You may be able to find a career counselor in your area that can help you. College campuses almost always have a career center - I don't know if they'll take outside folks but their services are free for students and alumni. \n\nI work at a high school, and one of the ones we use for students is called StrengthsExplorer - it's meant for younger teens but hey, it might help. Do What You Are is another one that's based mainly on personality, I know there's a book on that one.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "diwt78", "comment_id": "diwt78"}, {"question": "[34/M] looking for advice about wife [29/F]. No abuse, no cheating, nothing wrong but just not great.", "description": "Obvious throw away account but I really need to ask some advice and I can't reach out to friends (most are mutual and the others are guys who aren't really the kind I can ask this about) or family (not close, not helpful).\n\nI am 34M and I really dont know what to do about my relationship with my common-law wife 29F. Our relationship is fine; no one is cheating, no one is abusive, no one is even neglectful. We have been together going on 7 years, we were best friends before we started dating and we still are. But for the last little while (12-18 months), I just feel like that's all we are, if that. I care about her and I love her but I just dont know if I am in love with her anymore. \nWe do not have alot of the same interests; TV shows, movies, books, hobbies etc. We do not talk alot anymore; not that we ignore each other or do not spend time together, we just do not seem to have anything interesting or engaging to say to each other. We are still attracted to each other and have sex fairly regularly but it doesn't have the same \"pop\" it did. \nWe dont have kids; though we do have pets. We dont own anything together (except a car) and dont really have any debt. \nIt would be painful but not extremely hard (finanically or legally) to get out of the relationship. But I am not sure what to do. \nIs this just normal? Do all relationships just become routine and bland with time? I am just suffering from \"grass is greener\" syndrome? \nI have tried to talk to her about this but I dont even know how to explain it to her. \"Sorry honey, I love you but I find you boring?\" \nAny help?", "answer": "i think you just have to be pro-active about doing new things and sharing new experiences. you prob. fell in love while you were doing fun activities. hopefully that formula works again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "650rw5", "comment_id": "650rw5"}, {"question": "Answering \u201cHow are you?\u201d honestly", "description": "Anyone else ever feel like just answering \u201cnot good\u201d or just being really honest when being asked this question by strangers or acquaintances. There\u2019s people in my office who ask me this everyday and I feel awkward sometimes answering it, one of them picked up on it and after I mumbled \u201cGood\u201d they said \u201cyou don\u2019t sound too convincing!\u201d", "answer": "Most of the time I will answer honestly if someone's legitimately asking and it's not just a standard greeting. (I live in the Northeast so \"Hey how you doing?\" means \"hello\" and is often answered with \"Hey how you doing?\" more often than an actual response.)\n\n\nI don't see anything wrong with \"Not doing so great today\", \"Having a bit of a rough week.\", \"Feeling kind of tired.\" \u2026\u2026. You?\n\n\nIf they care to know why or talk about it they'll ask. If they don't, they won't. It takes a lot less mental energy to just be honest than to try to walk around with a fake smile on my face. Having more mental energy helps me to turn it around when I can. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ac8r8h", "comment_id": "ac8r8h"}, {"question": "How to socialize in US?", "description": "I(26,M,Indian), will be moving to Seattle this september for my Masters degree.\nHow do i socialize there and make connections? Small talks?\nI know a few students there and they say that people over there are polite but not very friendly.", "answer": "In the United States for people around your age, bars and house parties are probably the most common ways that folks socialize. \n\n\nInviting classmates in your program to go get a drink at a bar after class to discuss the class or just hang out would be a good idea or asking to join others you know are going. If you don't drink, you can still go to a bar and order a soft-drink or food. It's common to invite people over to where you're staying to have a drink or engage in a shared hobby. During this time you may find you have an interest or hobby that you didn't know you shared in common(sports, video games, board games, playing music, etc.). Once you find out shared hobbies you can make plans to do those things together. \n\n\nSince you're a male, it's often looked at with some suspicion and some apprehension to invite a woman over to your apartment or out for a drink platonically as many would perceive it as your attempt to date them. To avoid this, invite people in groups, at least at first, unless your intention is dating. \n\n\nThe United States is vastly different depending on region of friendliness, politeness, etc. In the Pacific Northwest I think you'll find that people are very friendly and relaxed, though not always direct so as to not appear impolite. I make this comparative observation when compared to my area of the country (the Northeast, think Boston to DC), where we're a bit more high strung, fast-paced, friendly, but often blunt and honest even if it comes off as rude. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zbgtp", "comment_id": "8zbgtp"}, {"question": "Me [23/m] don\u00b4t know how to deal with ex-girlfriend [22/f]", "description": "Hello,\n\nI want to share with you about my experience and ask what you would do in my place. As the title says, I have some problems with a former girlfriend, specifically I do not know what relationship I should keep with her.\nWe broke up in late February, after a brief but intense relationship. Our feelings were mutual, but on her part it began to cool down over time. She started to avoid me, repeatedly advise me to find someone else, emphasizing that we only few things in common, and all the time she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she could go back together. When this uncertainty in relationship was no longer bearable, I decided to tell her my doubts, even though I knew it would end with a break up.\n\nShe recoverd relatively easily because she was emotionally involved in someone else but it was very hard for me. Even after the break up, we spent a lot of time together (her new/old boyfriend works abroad) as if nothing had happened. Actually, she contacted me a few hours after we broke up, and then when she later admitted she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, as if nothing had happened. I tried to accept everything, respect her decision, move on and have a friendly relations with her. But I was just lying myself, hoping to rekindle our relationship. Until recently, I was in a vicious circle in which I repeatedly fell in love with her, only to be disappointed with her statement or a mention of her boyfriend.\n\nI have realized, that can\u00b4t keep up with this anymore, and I decided to stop communicating with her. We are already communicating much less than before, we meet occasionally... and I feel better. I do not think of what happened, where the error happened, and I feel I'm growing as a person. But I also feel remorse against her and our common past, when I get away from her life in this way. I do not want act as I can\u00b4t control my feelings and doing unnecessary scenes. Most of the time in my life I\u00b4am trying to be reasonable and act as a grown-up, but sometimes it\u00b4s not possible, and I've probably come across my limit.\n\nIf I did not do that, there two possible scenarios of our relationship. I would either fall in love with her again only to be dissapointed again, or I would start to hate her and I really don\u00b4t wish for this, because despite the things she did to me, she is a great person with amazing character. However, I have encountered my personal limit, and I do not think I can maintain friendly relations with her without losing my hope of reviving my relationship.\n\nDo you think I'm doing well if I get out of her life like that? What would you do in my place? Do you have similar experience like me?\n\nThank you in advance for readings and answers.", "answer": "Yes. You're doing fine cutting her off. Move on with your life!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh9lk", "comment_id": "6dh9lk"}, {"question": "What's the best way to cope with people incorrectly thinking I'm insane?", "description": "19M here. I'm in a really bizarre situation. There are people who think I'm insane but I'm not; my actual typical thinking/behavior is extraordinarily grounded and insightful. While due to reflections of eccentric thoughts in two occurrences, people have surmised I'm mentally ill. \n\n3 different doctors diagnosed me with Schizophrenia. I was hospitalized twice in psych wards. But, there's bizarre catch to the 3 diagnoses, and the hospitalizations. \n\nLate May 2018, my life utterly changed. At which point I began trying to steep in spiritual discipline and awareness, which I was for the large part successful in. I sought righteousness and health. I took notes of discerned wisdom to live more correctly by. \n\nI was first hospitalized in October 2018 when I was 18. It was due to writing a letter to my neighbor demanding they stop attacking me with telepathy, at which point the neighbor lied in the report saying I behaved and talked in crazy ways to them in person. Such caused the grounds to warrant the hospitalization. When I seen the doctor he barely talked to me, but rather listened to me go on about how I'm sane, I meditate, I steep in spiritual discipline, and so on. The doctor joined the party of lying and deceived people in my mental health hearing, and additionally didn't do his job right at all. I got my medical record later and seen more lies.\n\nI thought people were attacking me with telepathy due to a coat over my mind's eye which God supplied for spiritual guidance. He has a plan for my life. I no longer believe people have telepathy. \n\nBefore the second hospitalization, God coated my soul with captivating revelation and guidance, with an intimacy with his spirit that lead to bliss! Bear in mind I had been so oriented to righteousness and health. God named this event \"Comma\". Eventually He filled me with His spirit so much I was doing His will. He wasn't controlling my thoughts, but coating over them. It lead into eccentric behaviors, due to the mysterious power of God's orchestration; His mysterious intelligence. I was hospitalized in the heat of the moment due to being out in the cold without a coat on and being eccentric. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, while again not meeting the criteria. I was discharged to outpatient commitment. \n\nThe doctor in the outpatient followed the bandwagon and assumed I'm Schizophrenic. While I didn't actually meet the criteria. \n\nThere are other people who follow the bandwagon as well. But I do not meet the criteria! I've done research. I don't meet the criteria or symptoms of any mental illness in reality. I was merely misunderstood in the process of being guided by God. Not only is my behavior clearly not ill, but it's extraordinarily grounded in sanity!\n\nI'm very stable in all areas of life. I used to meditate like a Hindu daily, but now I try Christian prayer daily, which I am proficient in. There's nothing hindering my ability to function well in any area if life... I'm eloquently social, I'm organized, I'm ethical, I'm joyous, etc. Plus, I have off the charts insight and intelligence, which is frankly existential and psychological, plus linguistic. I'm writing a psychoanalytical book on this matter titled I'm Not Insane. \n\nWhat's the best way to cope with this? Do you have any other advice?", "answer": "Where are you now ? \nWhen you are in the hospital, or in outpatient treatment, do you have access to a minister or chaplain with whom you can discuss your spiritual concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f8z009", "comment_id": "f8z009"}, {"question": "Ohh the glorious impulsivity that comes with being Borderline.", "description": "I posted the other day about working/holding down a job while having BPD. I said how much I hated the job after two weeks in.\n\nWell, I quit the job yesterday. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and it was causing me more anxiety and stress. I just couldn't stick with it.\n\nNo, I don't have a job lined up. I've taken the initiative and started applying for jobs though before I officially quit. I do have an interview tomorrow.\n\nIt's really difficult for me to hold a job. I have to REALLY like it to want to stick with it. No matter what people tell me, no matter how hard they try to encourage me... If I don't like it, I flee (as with most things in life). People try to tell me to just be mature and stay until something better comes along... I CAN'T! I literally can't. And it's impossible trying to explain it to someone who doesn't fucking understand at all. And the worst part is, I'm so charming and bubbly during the interview, I usually get the job. Then after I'm at the job for a little bit, and I hate it, I just stop showing up or make an excuse for having to quit.\n\nMy brain is too complicated to explain to neurotypicals and it's exhausting trying to do so.\n\nAm I the only one who struggles with being impulsive? I can't be. I'd really like some support if any of you could help. x", "answer": "I struggle too, I practice radical acceptance and opposite action though, knowing full well most often my feelings are not correct and it will pass over time. Plus self care ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6d4ye3", "comment_id": "6d4ye3"}, {"question": "My aunt died 3 years ago and I'm still upset", "description": "I grew up with a not great enviroment and childhood (downplaying it a bit) and my aunt was the most healthy guardian type figure I had. In 2017 she died of a stroke. I was in the car and my dad got a call and he told me. I had to tell my mom.\n\nAfter everything in my life idk why but her dying was overall somehow the most traumatizing. \n\nI'm turning 18 next week. She used to call me every birthday and sing me happy birthday, without fail. Her bday just passed (Oct 13) and it also wouldve been 1 year of me and my ex dating (but we broke up and he did a lot of fucked up shit). Ontop of a entire other set of problems I feel fucking terrible.\n\nI started sobbing in school because I miss her so much and I'm so sad on xmas and bday because ever since she died nothing has been the same. Me turning 18 wouldve been a hugeeee deal to her. She always supported me and made me so happy. She also had been hospitalized for mental health stuff like me so she never judged me and understood my issues. \n\nI have some days I have such terrible anxiety attacks abt her being dead. I have anxiety and it used to be even worse. I would have paralyzing anxiety attacks. Now I have really subtle ones because I repress my emotions. But when I think abt her too much, I have the worst anxiety attacks. I'm unable to stop crying and I can't breathe when it happens. \n\nI just feel so unsupported and unsafe. I wanna feel okay. I wish I had someone who made me feel good on holidays again, who cared. Who was there.", "answer": "Please take a look at /r/cptsd; I think you may be traumatized. I think the loss of your aunt hurts the most because she is the symbol of all that causes you to feel safe in this world, and with the passing of your aunt, it's like safety left the world. That's a very painful way to live. Please, when you can, get yourself to a solid therapist who can help you sort this out.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "dn4475", "comment_id": "dn4475"}, {"question": "I [23 F] have recently found out, after an MRI scan, have inflammation occurring in certain areas of my brain and a 12 mm (in diameter) non-cancerous, benign tumour. What might come of this?", "description": "Hi, am mentioned above, it's been found that I have brain inflammation and a benign brain tumour. \n\nMy doctor struggles with my language so I felt like I couldn't get some necessary information out of him. I still really like him though, because he sincerely cares and really stays on top of things regarding my health which is rare in my city when you're a poor student who can't pay out of pocket. \n\nI got the scans done because I have been withdrawing off of an SSRI (anti-depressant) with the brand name 'pristiq'. This drug messed me up pretty hard after being on 150mg for 6 months. I felt I'd fallen into a sort of hyper depression and was suffering from headaches and general acheyness. Withdrawing off of it hasn't been much better either- I feel pretty crazy most of the time. \n\nAnyway, are these brain issues something I need to keep track of for the rest of my life? I've been told I have to get scans bi-yearly from here on out. What are the worst case scenarios and the more likely scenarios? Are there any healthy habits I can pick up to help?\n\nWhat can I expect in terms of side-effects. \n\nI know I might be freaking out unnecessarily, but anything to do with the brain feels scary...", "answer": "Yeah I think we all want to see the report in its entirety before we comment.\n\nPS. Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) isnt an SSRI, but an SNRI (but that's beside the point).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sdbue", "comment_id": "6sdbue"}, {"question": "I [20F] have a crush on a friend [22F] but I love my partner [24F] of almost a year.", "description": "So I'm a junior in college; I met my girlfriend online. We flirted long distance for a few months before we started dating, and then we spent the summer together. She moved across the country to continue her degree at my school and now we're roommates as well as partners. \nShe's amazing. I can definitely see us having a long and happy future together. \nBut. \nI've started getting involved in the campus radio station. The other night I went to a meeting and met one of the student leaders who I'd heard of but never officially met. We hit it off and I thought I'd gained a great friend. I'll admit I was the tiniest bit attracted to her but didn't flirt or anything. \nShortly after that things started getting weird. She invited me to her apartment housewarming party. She asked me to dinner and a movie. It was my girl who pointed out that she was flirting. I asked her about it and she admitted it. Then I let her know that I had a girlfriend and wasn't interested. \nEver since I met this other girl, I've been wondering what it would be like if I were single and able to explore the possibility of a relationship. It's not like I'm sexually attracted to her; I just think she's such a cool person. \nI'd never cheat on my partner, and she's said that if we were to break up she wouldn't come back. I really love her and couldn't imagine my life without her. She knows about my crush and insists it's normal. She's been working to fix some small issues in our relationship. But I'm worried it's not normal and it won't go away. No matter how hard I try I think about seeing where things might go with the other girl and feel so guilty. \nWhat should I do?\nTl;dr: I love my girlfriend of almost a year but have an intense crush on another girl that makes me wish I could explore it. I'd never cheat but don't want to break up. The other girl has no idea and keeps trying to get closer to both of us as a friend. ", "answer": "You're going to have crushes for the rest of your life. You're the only one who gets to decide what they mean and what to do about them, but I'll repeat: you're gonna have crushes for the rest of your life. No matter who you're with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70p07p", "comment_id": "70p07p"}, {"question": "Guys, what is your secret to stop drinking?", "description": "It seems I cannot stop myself from drinking once every few days.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n I am not drinking daily, but it seems that I cannot stop myself from doing it more than a few days.", "answer": "Often people relapse because they think they can't drink ever again and they cave. Drink whenever it makes sense. Drink if your tomorrow self is okay with it. \n\n\nThen learn what the transaction of alcohol really is. Once you know the real costs and the real benefits and you have the freedom to use whenever it adds up, you'll decide to not. It's not forever, just not now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cx5jlf", "comment_id": "cx5jlf"}, {"question": "Has anyone had experience with anxiety at elevation?", "description": "I\u2019m in Denver CO for a few days and I have a known general anxiety disorder with panic attacks. I live in Florida so I\u2019m at sea level normally.\n\nSince I arrived Thursday I have been significantly more anxious!! All day anxiety, panic attacks that creep up, panic attacks all night (three so far tonite). \n\nI can only talk myself down from these so much, plus it has ruined my trip so far since I keep canceling activities.\n\nAny and all advice is appreciated, thank you!", "answer": "Remember that anxiety is triggered by your brain having a good enough fit with previous anxious situations so anything that increases the goodness of fit for that physiological or cognitive state will move your brain towards an anxious state. well the altitude probably isn't the caused by itself it could be a threshold trigger which is just pushing you above the level where the anxiety becomes a conscious awareness and escalate through thoughts and increased physiological hyperawareness after that.\n\nEdit: ninja resting way for you to check would be to try breathing through a coffee stirrer to see if that also starts giving you anxious thoughts or anxious feelings. Often even though you control the coffee stirrer in your mouth it will make your body feel like you're starting to have a panic response because of the lack of oxygen and the fear of not getting enough.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bkl4sp", "comment_id": "bkl4sp"}, {"question": "Alcoholic father, is there any hope for him?", "description": "My father Is 50 years old, he\u2019s always been an alcoholic. He started drinking at 7, he used to sneak out and drink directly from wine bottles, later in life it got worse and worse til were we are now. He has a complicated life story, promiscuous dad that had problems with rage and honestly I think he was abused as a child but I\u2019m not sure. He had my sister at 21 and me at 23 and he never gave up the partying and the alcohol, It\u2019s been a difficult life for us, his alcohol problem has led to him punching my mom on multiple occasions, sexual harassment of his employees, even a gun chase at some point because he was so drunk he started fighting with people on a bar that were armed. It\u2019s been really hard on us, it\u2019s hard discerning between his rol as a dad and his actions. \n\nThe thing is that he\u2019s very successful despite everything, so he\u2019s never really struggled because of alcohol. They\u2019ve detained him and spent 36 hours in jail because he was driving drunk, he\u2019s crashed, he\u2019s been in fights etc but never hit rock bottom, at least not in his mind. He thinks of drunks as homeless people sleeping on the streets and he\u2019s never going to get to that place. \n\nRight now he\u2019s starting to suffer some natural consequences though . He gets panic attacks the day after drinking and doctors have told him he has a fatty liver. The panic attacks really scare him but he denies it has anything to do with alcohol even though they always happen after a night of heavy drinking (which is almost everyday) he completely denies he has a problem and gets incredibly mad if you even suggest it. \n\nToday it\u2019s currently 4 am and I woke up to him coughing super hard, so I went downstairs and saw him sleeping on the floor with cockroaches running beside him. My heart sunk, it was the saddest thing I\u2019ve seen. I touched him and told him to go upstairs to sleep but he couldn\u2019t even talk. \n\nWhat im asking is, is there any hope for him to realize his problem and get help if he never hits rock bottom? If this life of drinking is all he\u2019s known? \n\nIm not trying to save him (my mom is though) I know there\u2019s nothing I can do and honestly I\u2019m resentful of all the things he\u2019s put us through, so I\u2019m even reluctant to have a relationship with him at all. But now seeing these consequences I was wondering if we should abandon all hope of him admitting his problem and getting help. \n\nTLTR : \nDads 50, started drinking at 7, it\u2019s gotten him in a lot of shit but never seems to hit rock bottom and doesn\u2019t even want to think about admitting to himself he has a problem even though he\u2019s getting panic attack\u2019s after drinking and many other things like gun chases, domestic violence, sexual abuse etc \nIs there hope?", "answer": "Unfortunately people often need to come to the conclusion they have a problem and need help on their own. Doesn\u2019t mean there isn\u2019t any hope. I\u2019m sure he knows he has a problem, but is maybe too prideful or even stubborn to admit it. Sometimes people do not react well to being told they have a problem and need to get help, and end up stubbornly giving push back the other way. I\u2019m not saying that is what\u2019s happening, but I see this a lot. Some have had better success just making little comments here and there such as \u201cif you ever get sick of this, there\u2019s help.\u201d Things like that. People resist change when they told they need to change, but can embrace it when they feel they have some kind of autonomy and are making the choice themselves. That\u2019s why little subtle comments/hints that make him look at himself more closely actually work better. He may not admit it to you, but he will likely think about it in his own head. That being said, there are no guarantees. Sometimes people never admit their problem and never seek help or try to stop. Hopefully the pain and discomfort of staying the same becomes worse than the pain and discomfort of change for him and he gets the help he needs. Meanwhile, be sure to take care of yourself. Wishing you the best moving forward.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "by6bxx", "comment_id": "by6bxx"}, {"question": "Accidental Seroquel Overdose", "description": "I take 300mg of Seroquel at night and 150mg of Welbutrin in the morning. Today, I accidentally took my Seroquel instead of the welbutrin...\n \nDoes anyone know what I should do? What's in store for me? Can I just sleep it off.\n\n16, 5'8ft, 250lbs, female, don't smoke", "answer": "An additional 300 mg of Seroquel in the morning isn\u2019t very dangerous. That\u2019s a potentially prescribed dose. The most likely effect is being very sleepy during the day until it wears off.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9aogd", "comment_id": "f9aogd"}, {"question": "My friend (21 y.o male) got recommended a quetiapine treatment which sounds out of place. Should I be worried?", "description": "The recommended dosage according to the doctor is 2 25mg tablets before sleep. However, upon doing some further research, we found out that using quetiapine as a treatment for insomnia is not only ineffective, but also not recommended due to possible side effects (source: Coe HV, Hong IS (May 2012), PMID [22510671](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22510671) ). Should I be worried, or am I an idiot and he should begin the treatment as indicated? ", "answer": "You'll need to provide more information for us to work this out. There may be other factors that suggest quetiapine would be beneficial.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51ee7f", "comment_id": "51ee7f"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "Where do you live?\n\nIn the US, you would only be reported if you are actively abusing a child or share concrete plans to abuse a child . You have the right to ask for all the information about reporting BEFORE you share anything . \n\nSimply having thoughts is not illegal or reportable. Many people who struggle with these thoughts were abused as children , and do you definitely deserve support if this is you.\n\nBecause of your age , you may not be able to get specific support from a sex treatment program, but you CAN get help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fgujm1"}, {"question": "Do you text your SO when you are having fun without them?", "description": "My gf (19) doesnt text me (20/m) when shes out with other people at a bar or something. She always says what do you expect me to do im out with other people. She just ignores all my texts. Is this normal, should I feel sad about it? When im out with other people and shes at home I always text her during and throughout the night. We're going to be in a long distance relationship for one semester soon so i'm kind of worried if its always going to be like this then we're always going to be going out without each other obviously on friday nights.\n\ntldr; Girlfriend doesnt text me when shes out having fun and im at home, thinks she shouldnt have to.", "answer": "Nope. On the rare occasion I'm out without my wife, the last thing I'm going to be doing is trying to keep her occupied. We're both adults that are able to have a good time without the presence of the other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27g10c", "comment_id": "27g10c"}, {"question": "Some thoughts on Day 1\u2019s...", "description": "While many Day 1 stories have some common theme of wanting to stop because of financial stress (e.g. I drained the bank account again last night), physical stress (e.g I fell down TWO flights of stairs and into a busy street), or emotional (I completely lost it and embarrassed the shit out of my wife/husband in front of our absolute best friends) \u2014 or all of the above. But the Day 1 stories that pull on some thread of being \u201csimply too emotionally tired to carry on like this\u201d really resonate with me. Fact is, the money will flow back into the bank account over time... the bruises on our elbows and knees will heal... and our loved ones and friends always accept the latest apology even if we frankly don\u2019t deserve another chance. But being too emotionally tired to continue the full time job that is being an alcoholic was the point that I found myself in one Monday morning 27 days ago and the very thought of returning to another Day 1 is what kept me from accepting a double IPA, a glass of rose\u2019 or a glass of my absolute fucking favorite red wine last night with my wife and some brand new friends we hung out with for the first time. I\u2019m having trouble ending this post :-), but I\u2019ll end by wishing you all the strength to not return back to the dreaded Day 1 whether this morning you\u2019re realizing for the first time your simply too tired to carry on this way or if your 1,000 days sober. Have a good day everyone.", "answer": "Yep. I just got tired of feeling like I couldn\u2019t win. Every single time I said \u201cI\u2019m only having two tonight\u201d and ended up having six, alcohol won. Or woke up saying \u201cI\u2019m not going to drink today\u201d but by 11:30 I was having mimosas with brunch - alcohol won. \n\nI just lost, over and over. So discouraging and demoralizing. I got tired of feeling discouraged and demoralized. I got tired of losing. So I just left the field of battle.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkj5od", "comment_id": "dkj5od"}, {"question": "Me [21f] and my boyfriend [21m]... sex hurts and need advice", "description": "Hey guys, sorry if this is the wrong place but I'm a long time lurker and first time posting. (On throwaway because my bf has reddit too) I'm on mobile so forgive me if anything is wrong. \n\nNow, this isn't the type of dilemma that's so bad.. our sex life is great (been together two years, he actually took my virginity...) but I have a problem. I think he's average sized, but I always have discomfort after sex. \n\nIt I guess seems like there is some tearing, but I don't know what else to do to prevent it. We use foreplay every time, I'm always comfortable/turned on, and we have used lube for the past few months too as a way to try to ease more into sex (though not really necessary). Also, we generally have sex at least 4x a week, so I feel as if I should have adjusted to his size by now. \n\nI just always experience a discomfort afterwards. Stings a little to urinate after. It only lasts for about an hour at most. But it's becoming tiring. It isn't effecting our sex life at all, as I love him and love sex with him, so it's almost irrelevant. But right after it just gets annoying, and it's after every time. \n\nDoes anyone have anything else to advise for me please? Before anyone asks, as well, we are both 100% clean of STD's and are 100% faithful. Though this is a minor inconvenience, I would like to resolve this issue.\n\nThank you for any help, fellow Redditors!\n\n", "answer": "talk to your gyn, not teenagers on reddit", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l5k4j", "comment_id": "6l5k4j"}, {"question": "what the hell just happened? I was numb for a good 2 hours, trigger warning.", "description": "i have a history with depression and anxity.\nive had a particularly hard day, i recently went through a traumatic event and today some one hurt me emotionaly, in a way someone should never get hurt. anyway after i got emotionally hurt its like everything went grey?? like very light and soft, almost dream like. its like i wasnt there. i was like that for a good two hours till i snapped out of it. i even ended up cutting my self cause i felt so numb, and regretably there wil be 3 relitivally small scars. anyway, i felt the cuts a little bit, but i put rubbing alchohol and makeup remover and i just felt a slight tingle. it was so strange i couldnt feel any emotion. sorry for my spelling, ive become a person who cant spell without autocorrect.", "answer": "It sounds like you were dissociating, which is a common symptom of trauma. \n\nAre you open to getting into therapy? A therapist could help you to manage this. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "57e9c1", "comment_id": "57e9c1"}, {"question": "I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don\u2019t trust them.\n\nWhen I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.\n\nI convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.\n\nEarlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.\n\nNow I\u2019m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and I don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.\n\nI\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken. \n\nI really don\u2019t know how long I can continue pretending that I don\u2019t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life. \n\nI honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "Please get help. It takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. Therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. There are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "7d5m29"}, {"question": "Is this psychosis? How to deal with it?", "description": "&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age: 66\n* Sex: Male\n* Height: 5'10\n* Weight: 320lbs?\n* Race: Caucasian\n* Duration of complaint: on and off for a month, but recently has been going on for days.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy father for the past couple of days has been arguing with people he thinks are me and my family members, even though no one would be in the room or even in the house (90% of the time it is arguing and 10% it's just talking). He will start acting extremely violent by throwing things and hitting people in the house. When we ask him for clarification on what he needs he will get angry as if he already explained it. He will ask for help and when I ask him what he needs help with he will say \"I need help with the thing\" and point and wave at the air. When he's in these episodes he won't look me in the eyes and I don't even think he acknowledges my physical presence? He would yell for me at 3 am and say \"take your gloves off\" and when I tell him that I'm not wearing gloves (because I'm sleeping, why would I wear gloves) he gets unbelievably angry and I leave. He will ask for water and I will give him water, he will drink it, then insist that he never drank water. I could hear him yelling in the other room at midnight yelling at who he thinks is me about picking up garbage off the floor, even though there would be no way he could see the floor since it was dark.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI think this has something to do with the steroid (prednisone) he is talking to deal with his cancer. I honestly don't know much on his medical history since I'm 18 and none of my family members want me to know the specifics. He has recently changed his medicine and I think he is slowly getting off the prednisone. Ever since he started doing this he has displayed the symptoms I just talked about. He is also a diabetic. When he started taking the steroid he became very easily aggravated and would get physical with me and my mother (I am pretty sure getting angry is a normal symptom of steroids). So now he is extremely angry and delusional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIt's currently 12:26 am when I'm submitting this and he has been yelling for hours, no one can sleep. I have no idea if I should talk to him or ignore him. His occupational therapist is coming tomorrow (today I guess), and I will tell her what is going on as my mother cannot speak English. Essentially, what I am asking is how should I deal with someone like this on a daily basis? and if what is happening is psychosis or something like it? thanks!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: Decided to take him to the ER. The situation should be fine now.", "answer": "Does he have a psychiatrical history? Alcoholism? Family history? Medication? Working with dangerous substances?\n\nCould be psychosis, dementia, delirium, intoxication, poisoning\n\nedit: Read about the prednisone. Most likely corticosteroid induced mania/pscyhosis.\nedit2: how to deal? treat him like you would a sick person who is behaving weird. Forgive them, help them, ask for help, talk with loved ones about it. Explain they are not helping you by keeping you in the dark.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bgqg7n", "comment_id": "bgqg7n"}, {"question": "Lack of identity", "description": "I never even realized I had this problem, I guess I'm too narcissistic to of realized. My psychiatrist said today that I need a purpose and an identity and he placed an emphasis on working and I have taken the advice of this subreddit and decided on something simple just to get me out of the house but my problem is I don't have to work and I get bored of the same thing.\n\nMy physical apearance needs working on which I have made a goal of doing.\nI just don't understand the concept of gaining an identity, it feels undoable.\nI don't know what to do, do I just dress myself up a certain way and get a job? Is it really that simple....\nI feel so neurologically impaired because I have seen other cluster b people and there is a layer of depth to their emotions and personality just missing and I don't know how to develop that in myself, it's like it will never be there.\nI'm lazy, self centered a lot of the time which I have been in denial about.\nI've learnt I can't develop a healthy amount of cognitive empathy it's just not something I can train myself to do. \n\nI don't know what to do and I have never known what to do to try improve.", "answer": "I think part of having bpd is not knowing who you are...but that doesn't mean you aren't somebody. Do you journal? Try Journaling your thoughts, your day to day, your interactions with others. This will help keep a record of well, you! And will help set you on the right path to finding your identity ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31qg8w", "comment_id": "31qg8w"}, {"question": "I decided not to kill myself, now what?", "description": "I am destitute. Anxiety too bad to work, eviction pending, 3 kids depending on me who are teens now. Meds dont work, but it doesnt matter, I dont have time to adjust to new meds, start working and keep us afloat before losing everything. Parents are dead, no support system. Is it better to have a mother failing them everyday or not have one at all?", "answer": "What are your options for earning money? What are your options for additional help and support for your children?\nWhat are you willing to do to get support for your mental health?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bg767", "comment_id": "6bg767"}, {"question": "ECG , ST Elevation , 19 years old male", "description": "Hello, I went to A & E a few weeks ago after experiencing pretty bad chest pain, even though I have pretty bad GERD problems, this chest pain was concerning me a lot. It felt a bit different to the 'usual' chest pain I experience everyday, and it was even more concerning how bad it was even though I had took my medication. Apart from GERD isses I am an otherwise healthy 19 year old male, 70kg , 6 foot tall.\n\n I took a picture of the ECG given to the hospital from the ambulance, and even though I was told by the cardiologist it was fine, I'm awaiting an echocardiogram \"just incase\". However the ST elevation concerns me still tbh, so I'm just wondering you folks take on this. \n\nThe medications I take are \n\nTramadol (Occasionally for pain in the groin, which is getting operated on soon) \n\nLansoprazole ( For GERD) \n\nI'm sorry the picture(s) aren't the best. Thanks in advance for your help.\n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/OadZJ\n\nThe text in the 2nd picture reads\n\n Sinus rhythm................. normal P axis, V-rate 50-99 ST elev probable normal early repol pattern........... ST elevation age <55\nHR 73 \n\nPR 164 \n\nQRSD 104 \n\nQT 372 \n\nQTc 410 \n\nP 70 \n\nQRS 46 \n\nT 58", "answer": "I trust the cardiologist on this one - the ST elevation is probably nothing in isolation, but it would seem prudent to get an echo just in case. Odds are in your favour, I think. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75ua1i", "comment_id": "75ua1i"}, {"question": "When someone is broken, don't try & fix them. When someone is hurting, don't attempt to take away the pain. Instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt. Because sometimes what people need is simply to know they aren't alone.", "description": "That's what I love about this group. I'm not alone. ADDICTION IS A BITCH. And a lot of my support I would usually turn to don't have or understand addiction. This group gives support and encouragement to keep fighting the good fight. IWNDWYT", "answer": "That is so well said. Thank you!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cr5veg", "comment_id": "cr5veg"}, {"question": "scrupulosity?", "description": "I spent the whole weekend talking online about politics. I think I might have some kind of scrupulosity, only it's not religious in nature, it's more an OCD related to politics. Is that possible? ", "answer": "Scrupulosity is a manifestation of OCD that is focused on moral and/ or religious themes. As with all OCD, there is a fear with a corresponding behavior, thought, action, ritual, etc., that reduces the fear or feeling of anxiety. \n\nWith that said, what are you afraid of when it comes to politics? Do you feel that you are morally incorrect in your political beliefs? Do you fear that you have said something that could have hurt someone's feelings? You'll need to provide more details. \n\nIs it possible its OCD focused on politics, yes! Is it possible it falls in line with Scrupulosity, maybe. More details please. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "5v6byq", "comment_id": "5v6byq"}, {"question": "I'm losing weight (bad) and am having trouble finding time to eat.", "description": "I'm a college student and I'm up to my neck in work. I don't mind it, it's fun actually. What's not fun is how much weight I've been losing. I've probably dropped 10 pounds or so in the past month (I take Adderall which makes me forget to eat). I'm already underweight and this isn't good. I just never seem to have enough time to cook anything and I'm worried that I'll continue to lose weight. I've begun to eat double of what I used to at breakfast, but I don't know if that's enough. Help?", "answer": "It might be helpful to talk with your prescriber, he/she may have some suggestions on how to handle the decreased appetite side effect. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "2mf2av", "comment_id": "2mf2av"}, {"question": "Sleeping through obnoxious alarm", "description": "Age: 22\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: ~6'0\"\n\nWeight: ~167lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\nDuration of complaint: Twice in 2 months\n\nLocation: Minnesota\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Not that I know of\n\nCurrent medications: Caffeine dependency (headaches by late morning without). Approx. 5-7 drinks per week alcohol intake. Occasional multivitamin.\n\nInclude a photo if relevant: none\n\nI use the Sleep as Android app to track my sleep and set my alarms. I have it set so that it goes off first between 04:15 and 04:45 depending on my sleep pattern, then can be snoozed for 3 minutes at a time up to a total of 15 minutes.\n\nIf I don't wake up 10 minutes after that last time, an even louder and more obnoxious alarm goes off for 1 minute intervals, 5 times. After that it dismisses on its own.\n\nIn order to dismiss myself, I have to take my phone and walk to the kitchen to scan a QR code. I sleep with my phone on the bed next to my head.\n\nTwice in 2 months I've slept through all the alarms going off next to my head. The first time I went to bed at ~01:30 and the second time I went to bed at ~21:15. The second time was last night, and the sleep tracking indicates that I woke up to a degree, but I don't remember it going off at all. I woke up at 07:30, late for work.\n\nBoth of these have caused me to be late to work at a job I started 2 months ago, and I'm concerned about my standing. The first one I can understand sleeping through, but the second doesn't make sense to me.\n\nIs this just something that's caused by me not getting enough sleep? Or should I try to get it investigated somehow?", "answer": "Do you feel awake and clear when you do finally wake up? Do you have sleepyness during the day? Do you snore? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b6zmxi", "comment_id": "b6zmxi"}, {"question": "Do you have Adrenal PCOS? High DHEA, DHEA? What did you do?", "description": "Have you tried Adaptogens? Anti-inflammatories? Did you go the Insulin Route? What worked? What didn't work? Did anything make it worse?", "answer": "I wouldn't do HIIT for adrenal PCOS. HIIT would increase your cortisol excessively. I'd recommend yoga and walking, maybe hiking for adrenal PCOS. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "6wvluk", "comment_id": "6wvluk"}, {"question": "Can cocaine abuse cause permanent impotence?", "description": "Hi docs,\n\nThe last time I've used cocaine was two weeks ago. Since then I've been able to abstain from it completely. I did abuse cocaine daily for 3 years. I also used to drink, I quit drinking along with cocaine use.\n\nI recently started dating again and have had difficulties maintaining an erection. I've taken 5mg cialis before and it seems to work well, but I don't prefer to take any drugs to assist keeping hard. I also have this persistent discomfort on the left lower torso, right below my rib cage and numbness in my left big toe. Is this indicative of another health condition\n\nThanks", "answer": "2 weeks of abstinence isnt that long. [Erectile dysfunction](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Erectile-dysfunction/Pages/Introduction.aspx) can be due to a number of causes, including drug misuse. Usually not permanent, but if it's persisting id see a doc about it to exclude other pathology.\n\nEdit: the other symptoms seem unrelated. Is the big toe numbness permanent?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jsjaw", "comment_id": "5jsjaw"}, {"question": "Colloidal silver nasal spray, eye drops, ear drops - is it safe?", "description": "25, Male, 5\u201911\u201d, 145lbs.\n\nIs using topical colloidal silver for infections safe? Is the worst case scenario that it doesn't do anything? Do the silver particles build up in the tissue when used topically? ", "answer": "Colloidal silver is safe, but it's not effective. It can conceivably build up in wounds and cause graying/bluing of the area if used over time. It might do the same to eyes, but again, I don't know.\n\nMostly using topical silver preparations is a waste of your time and money. It won't help anything, so all it can do is cause problems. If there's something that needs to be treated, get a real antibiotic. If there isn't, don't mess with your eyes, nose, or ears.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m5a0u", "comment_id": "9m5a0u"}, {"question": "\"Ruined\" due to PTSD", "description": "A couple of years ago I was at a work function and during lunch one of my colleagues told a brief anecdote about a friend of hers who had been in the military and developed combat ptsd.\n\nAlthough it's a serious topic, she was speaking about it rather light-heartedly - about how she jumps at noises, is afraid of the dark, fearful of strangers, etc. \n\nWhat really bothered me at the time, and what I can't seem to get out of my head right now, is how she said, laughing, \"They *ruined* her.\"\n\nMy colleague is in her early 30s, and generally an intelligent, kind and thoughtful person. Her saying this cut me so deeply. I have ptsd stemming from a fairly violent stranger sexual assault, so while our conditions don't have the same origin, I could really relate to what she was saying about her friend.\n\nI struggle a lot with feeling 'ruined' since this happened to me. I have no idea why this has come into my mind again after a couple of years, but I can't seem to shake it. I feel so worthless and deeply disgusting, and like I will never be better.\n\nWith the holidays coming up, I know I will see my friends with their husbands and kids, and be asked if I'm dating etc... I feel like such a fucking loser. I keep trying to imagine myself getting close to a man again, and I just can't. At all. It's even difficult being around the male members of my family, even thought they would never hurt me.\n\nCurrently I'm actually off work to focus on intensive exposure therapy, and this reminder... her laughter as she spoke of her friend's triggers and how she is 'ruined'... I just can't see what the point of anything is right now. I'm ruined. I will never scrub this stain away. I *am* the stain.", "answer": "I have felt this so so so much. We have some very similar stories. Good on you for going through intensive exposure therapy; it helped me a lot in processing my own rape. If the intensive exposure therapy feels like too much, look into trying EMDR therapy.\n\nAlso....someone said something really insignificant last weekend but it has been really profound for me. I don't know if I'll explain it well, but they just said something about how life is ruined, life is always ruined. Every life will have huge losses and pain, every life we could possibly live will have huge deviations from our ideal imagined life. This pain and \"ruin\" looks different for everyone of course and it's easy to feel more ruined than others. But I think for me it's helped a bit to accept that yeah, my life is ruined, and that's ok because it always would have been ruined one way or another. I'm ruined, but so is everyone else. \n\nI know it seems like everyone else is having so much more success in life, having \"normal\" relationships, kids, jobs, whatever, but one thing I've learned being in group therapy is that we really are so unaware of the burdens and the ruinations that other people are bearing. I know you feel like you are more ruined than most anyone else, but you aren't. Sending good thoughts your way...\n\n ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5fff7u", "comment_id": "5fff7u"}, {"question": "I want help to understand common emergencies", "description": "\n\nOkey, so remove my post if not allowed. But I'd like to ask a few questions about common emergencies you can see while out and about.\n\n\n(Okey, so it wont let me post without background on me, so Ill say who I am, and why I want to know this) Also, weird format and spelling. I'm on my phone on my way to work.\n\n\nFemale, 20, 164 cm 88 kg, Sweden/Chile, live in the UK, white, smoke free coming up on a year, occasionally go out drinking with work mates, walk 20-30k steps a day for work. I take anti depressants, anxiety meds, sleep meds, I stopped taking ADHD meds since it sent me into a full psychosis, when I normally have mild hallucinations. I came out the loonie bin about 1,5 yeas ago after being admitted for 2 weeks after I cut my arm open, took pills and alcohol. I am now for the first time in my life happy, but still suffer a bit since I basically have the whole alphabet of diagnosis:\n\n\nBorderline personality disorder\nBulimia (overcome)\nPTSD (never treated, rape and abuse)\nOCD (never treated, and my most prominent problem causing horrible anxiety)\nADHD (not medicated)\nHallucinations (mostly auditory)\nDepression (overcome)\nAspergers (never had help from professional, getting extra help at work)\nHoly heck I can never remember all the diagnosis, sorry if I left something out.\n\n\nOkey, so as you can see, Ive had my fair share of suffering in my life, some of the things I ask about is gonna be about helping people like me (like rape and abuse victims, self harm, mental breakdown, such as psychosis, suicidal etc)\n\n\nFew emergencies Ive had, or wittnessed (you can scroll down to the bullet points if you're not interested in why I care about knowing):\n\n\nThis one is gonna be short. I had a panic attack at my last work place, I could not breathe, my feet were numb so I could not stand, and my face was numb to the point that my coworkers could not understand what I was saying. I left work in an ambulance.\n\n\nSecond incident was from when I was a child. Me, my mum and my sister were in central Stockholm, because it was one of our birthdays and it was tradition to go to cinema and eat at pizzahut. We wee waiting for the movie to start, so we went to this place called \u00c5hlens (yes, the very same \u00c5hlens that about 10 years later would have Swedens first terror attack in god knows how long. I belive that attack took place in 2017). So we were just hecking around, like children do. And we came across this lady, laying on the floor, all red in the face. We were in the perfume section. My mum asked what happened, and she managed to get out that she was having a severe migrane. Someone else had noticed before us, so ambulance staff was walking in as we found her. Mum saw the ambulance staff, took the ladys hand and said help was here, and that she would feel better in a second. Then she turned to me and my sister and explain what had happened, and what a migrane was.\n\n\nSo a few months back the woman infront of me in que at Boots had a seizure. I was seemingly the only one who was sound enough to take action (I understand that some people might be in shock and don't know what to do). So I immediately call an ambulance, since I remember hearing as a kid that people having a seizure could bite their tongue very badly and bleed a lot. A few minutes later the medical staff of the train station we were at walked in, and helped. But the security guard did nothing. The staff at Boots did nothing. I was just very frustrated that I didn't know what to do. When I left a few minutes later the security guard thanked me for taking action.\n\n\nMy best mate have very bad astma, and I have no idea how to help him.\n\n\nI do door to door sales, and yesterday I knocked on a door and this lady was looking very scared, bruises all over her, and a black eye. Similar situation at my last work place, where this bruised woman was sitting at a table with a very angry looking man.\n\n\nSaturday I was working, and this guy mentioned he had a migrane, and I didn't know if I could help in any way.\n\n\nSo my question is: \nHow can you help people with the following emergencies? And what are common symptoms before?\n\n\n-Seizures\n-Voilent outburst because of mental illness\n-Astma (probably spelled that wrong)\n-Diabetes\n-Suicidal\n-Way too drunk\n-On drugs\n-Self harm with cuts, burns, alcohol and pills etc\n-Seemingly broken bones\n-Dimentia & Alzheimer related issues, like confusion. Where do I call to help them get where they need, if for example broken out of care home\n-Recent rape victim\n-Abuse victim\n-Migrates\n-Other common emergencies or problems you can think about that would be helpful to know how to handle, or at least who to call for help.", "answer": "This is a very long list. Consider doing a first aid course if you really want to make a difference.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ha72", "comment_id": "b8ha72"}, {"question": "How will my Klonopin tolerance effect pre-biopsy benzos like Midazolam?", "description": "I've been taking 3mg of Klonopin everyday for the last 5 ish years. Before that, I was on 6mg of Xanax a day for a year. It's gotten to the point where my body needs the Klonopin just to function. I don't notice the effects when I take it. Only the withdraws when I don't. I've built up such a tolerance to Klonopin that it does nothing for me. I'm talking to my psychiatrist about getting off of it, but let's pretend that I'll be on it for another year (because I might).\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTo make a long story short, a doctor suggested that I get a liver biopsy done. To my understanding, that involves them sticking me with a long needley thing and removing a small piece of my liver (feel free to correct me, but that's not the purpose of this long winded question). I read that they'll give you a strong benzodiazepine, such as Midazolam, to calm you down before this medieval procedure. I'm very worried about my tolerance to benzodiazepines and how they'll reduce the effectiveness of the benzodiazepine they'll give me before the procedure. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nHow will my tolerance to benzodiazepines effect stronger benzodiazepines that they give you before painful/scary procedures such as a liver biopsy. Like I said above, feel free to correct me if that's not what happens during a liver biopsy, but that's not the question. Thank you so much in advance as this has been eating at me.", "answer": "That's a question to discuss with with either the doctor doing the procedure or the anesthesiologist, if there is one involved. It's possible to overcome tolerance, but the medical team needs to know about it.\n\nAnd a nitpicky correction: midazolam isn't a stronger benzo, really; for any benzo, it's the dose that makes the strength. What makes it useful for surgery is that it's very quick-acting and available IV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9od36j", "comment_id": "9od36j"}, {"question": "What is the general opinion around your IQ being revealed when getting a diagnosis?", "description": "I'm not exactly sure what I feel about it. I guess I did okey, but I never wanted to grade myself in such a way. When I took the tests, the psyciatrist were pushing me to do good and talked about how well it went, but then I got smashed on the two lasts tests.\n\nShouldn't revealing your IQ be optional? Not everyone wants to see their scores. Tbh, it kinda sucks not being as smart as you thought lmao", "answer": "It\u2019s not usually reveled to minors when part of an IEP. I had mine done as a kid because I did exceedingly well in topics I enjoyed and below average in topics I didn\u2019t. So they wanted to assess me for a learning disability. Turns out I just had a hard time paying attention and focusing on certain topics. \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "eo778z", "comment_id": "eo778z"}, {"question": "Does anyone here has trouble with concentration while reading?", "description": "It seems like I just can't stay focused properly. Sometimes, I have this thing that I need to read the same line 5 times, not necessarily because I wasn't paying inuff attention, but because it's a kind of compulsion.\nThey say it's all a matter of practice. But i've already tried a lot and nothing seem to improve my situation. It still feels painfull to read.\n\nDoes autism can affect reading in that sense?", "answer": "Yes, because I also have ADHD. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "9eifd8", "comment_id": "9eifd8"}, {"question": "I'm afraid my dad is depressed. How can I help him?", "description": "I live in the US, specifically the east coast.\n\nI'm sorry if this isnt the best place to post this, but I don't know any other subs like this\n\nMy (18) Dad (38) just had a very bad breakup with his girlfriend. She left with most if not all of his savings and his cat. I don't live with him, but he asked me to, which I'm uncomfortable with, as I'm very close to finishing HS. I don't know how to approach asking him to consider therapy, but I'm very afraid he will possibly hurt himself. He's really afraid of being alone, he texted me saying he \"thinks crazy thoughts\".\n\nI've already offered to let my cat live over there, since he doesn't get as much attention as he needs to here anyways. I don't know how to broach the idea for therapy, and I don't think he'd agree with it either. \n\nHow can I help him through this?", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nApproaching the topic of getting professional help can be hard for families who are hesitant to bring up the topic. Especially for a high school-aged son to bring it up with his father. Good on you for wanting to support him with getting help.\n\nI always encourage family members to be frank, but supportive in their concern for their member. Empathizing with their struggles and highlighting the benefits of speaking to someone with the intent to help them sort out what is going on can go a long way.\n\nHere's an example: \"Hey dad, I know that you've been through a lot lately and you are feeling pretty down and lonely. Some of the things you have told me make me think that it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about what is going on. Those \"crazy thoughts\" must be pretty terrible to experience and as much as I want to help you with them I just don't know how. But I want to help you feel better and move forward after everything that happened. Can we maybe talk about reaching out to a professional for help?\"\n\nIf he's okay with it (and you are close enough to physically go) I would go check on him. See how he looks in person, check out how he's keeping his living space, and see how he speaks and interacts with you. That can be pretty telling how someone has been doing functionally. You can also offer to maybe look at some potential counselors he can talk to. That can go a long way.\n\nAlso, if you get the feeling that he is in imminent danger, that he might hurt himself, then I would call 9-1-1 and ask for a CIT officer to check on him. CIT officers get some training on mental health issues and can help gather information to see what they can do next. Also, if you can find any local mobile crisis units (MCU's) that could be helpful to know about too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f2z88s", "comment_id": "f2z88s"}, {"question": "After 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of Cannabis Use Disorder, I guess I'm ready to change.", "description": "Hi, I'm Glo, and I'm addicted to THC.\n\nI started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often. Then I got to college. I started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though. Then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property. I got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.\n\nI began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts. When I was 22 I met my ex, D\\*, and fell in love hard and fast. He smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and I loved it. He was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in Toronto) and smoked daily as well. I was always high when we were together. I started smoking at all times of day regardless of when I worked, and being high became my normal.\n\nTwo years later, D\\* broke my heart, and I didn't want to feel anything. I started smoking much higher THC levels and more often, I relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. These emotions of mine are very intense, as I have Borderline Personality Depression and ADHD. Being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.\n\nIt's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. I haven't been successful.\n\nI am dependent. I spend all my time thinking about the next chance I'll have to smoke, I don't socialize unless I can be high, I don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. I am terrified of the idea that I should quit for good and forever, but I know I can't go on like this.\n\nI'm lonely. I'm lethargic. My memory is hard to access. I've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. I'm late for work often (a job I love!) because I just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever. I've gained a LOT of weight and never have enough energy to exercise. I'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.\n\nI recently had a Psychiatric consult because I thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. The psychiatric team I consulted with diagnosed me with Cannabis Use Disorder, and explained that due to the amount I've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while I also struggle with BPD - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood. They told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo here I am. Going to an Addictions Clinic next Wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, I am going to go to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting (very lucky that I live in Toronto and there are options every weekday here) But I'm scared. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to accept this new reality. I don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. Nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.\n\nSo there's my story, I'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and I'm terrified.", "answer": "I\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! You\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "faiktn"}, {"question": "How to talk to a cute guy in my class?", "description": "There's this guy in my college class that I've noticed that keeps glancing at me from time to time. He is cute but I don't want to interpret it wrong and maybe he was looking at something else. I have two classes with him and I noticed he turns his body in my direction but sometimes he's not directly looking at me, but sometimes he is. I want to talk to him but I have no idea what to say. I'm also socially awkward and have no experience with guys at all.", "answer": "Simple. Say hi. Ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f2a27m", "comment_id": "f2a27m"}, {"question": "Meet my autistic friend Thomas", "description": "Despite his disabilities he is a great friend and pretty fun to hangout with, I cherish him with all my heart", "answer": "\"... friend with autism....\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ab8on", "comment_id": "2ab8on"}, {"question": "4 years out", "description": "I made a post here a long time ago about my foray into the world of being clean, and I have continued the trend now for approaching 4 years here very soon. I miss it sometimes. I liked the freedom of setting my mind at ease with the click of a lighter. Being sober for so long has definitely allowed me to learn ALOT and allowed me to progress into being an adult and having much MUCH more responsibility. It wasn't an easy thing to do at first but in my experience the longer you go without the easier it gets. It's more of just a thought now rather than an overwhelming desire. I think I might smoke again one day after I retire but for now I have bigger and better things on my mind. Hope you are all doing well, best of luck to anyone who is trying to quit. If you want any advice or anything like that, feel free to direct message me and I will happily share any experience I can.", "answer": "This is so encouraging to read. Thank you", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "fhciot", "comment_id": "fhciot"}, {"question": "I'm (25/M) engaged (23/F) and recently ive been having doubts...", "description": "I've (25/M) been with My fiance (23/F) for 5 years now and I'm currently engaged (3 months ago) with the woman who i believe to be the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with for this story lets call her Jackie...However about a week ago my ex (23/F) started talking to me about a week ago. She told me how she missed me and still loves me. Now a little backstory to my ex Lets call her Donna for the remainder of the story. Donna was my best friend we would do everything but live together. We were best friends and my friends loved her too. Now Jackie she loves me and i love her, however I feel like im losing interest and Jackie doesn't like whenever I talk about my friends and our conversations almost seem forced. However on the Flip side Donna would listen to me and enjoy our conversations and I would too I even feel alittle excited when I recieve a text from Donna..I hate that I feel like this because I've already promised myself to Jackie....and I think I might be in love with Donna. \n\nTL;DR\nI might have made a huge mistake...", "answer": "see a therapist. this isn't a one comment reddit kind of thing. you need to process a lot of stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5upvya", "comment_id": "5upvya"}, {"question": "How do I convince people that driving while intoxicated is bad? Yes, I'm serious.", "description": "First off, yes\u2014I understand that the answer to this question is as obvious as the color of the sky. \n\nSecond off, yes\u2014I understand that if someone cannot accept the color of the sky, they are likely complete idiots.\n\nAnd yet, the people around me treat DWI like it's both fine and normal. I'm in the Army, and alcoholism is so rampant here that almost everyone I know does (or has) driven while intoxicated. That's not even an exaggeration\u2014it's *almost everyone*.\n\nAnd I'm not just talking about the younger guys\u2014fully grown adults (including high-ranking officials) completely normalize it. It's so common, even *I* am becoming desensitized to hearing about it.\n\n*And it's an extremely serious crime.*\n\nDrunk driving kills people all the time. *Kills* people. And yet, the people around me don't care. If I call someone out, I just \"worry too much\", or I'm a \"pussy\", or I'm a \"straight-edge\". It's like I'm living in one of those PSAs that pediatricians hand out to teenagers after their routine check-up.\n\n*ffs*\n\nHow on earth do I get through to these guys? And how on earth do I get through to guys that are both significantly older than me and higher-ranking than me?", "answer": "Honestly? You might not be able to change minds. All you can really do is protect yourself, and stand your ground. Don't give in. And limit your interactions with them as much as possible. You've let them know that its not ok, so you have to back that up with your actions.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d89alm", "comment_id": "d89alm"}, {"question": "Looking for a term to explain this behaviour.", "description": "I have a friend who sometimes acts a certain way, and I'm trying to think of a term to describe it.\n\nHe acts like a victim in situations where one normally wouldn't necessarily feel that way.\n\nHe'll jump to conclusions about things without any kind of inquiry. Example: he played a video game and got leveled up very quickly by some friends. He asked another friend if he wanted to join and was told \"No thanks, that's not my style.\" He interpreted that to mean \"You're a cheater and I think you shouldn't play like that.\" He got really upset and ranted on about it for a while. \n\nHe's very much into a lot of conspiracy theories (fluoride in the water, chem trails, etc.). He takes many things very personally, even if someone just disagrees with his opinion, he'll completely shut down for a while. \n\nSometimes he's not like this; it seems to come and go.\n\nI should also note that this has only been happening in the last four or five years. Before that, he wasn't like this. \n\nAny ideas? Thanks!", "answer": "Possibly borderline/emotionally unstable personality traits, but don't really want to give bedside diagnoses without knowing him better.\n\n[Personality disorder](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4y9amf", "comment_id": "4y9amf"}, {"question": "Therapy back up on demand", "description": " Is there such a service as emergency therapists one may call ? My therapist will not take calls, messages, texts between sessions. I really need a back up or on demand (have felt I really needed three times in 5 months) so not excessive (in my opinion). If one is willing to pay for it is there such a service?", "answer": "There are suicide hotlines if your need is to that level. For legal/ethical reasons there generally aren't on-call therapists to provide counseling over the phone. DBT programs will generally offer skills training for things like this while you're working on your issues in the program. \n\n\nIf it's 3 times in 5 months, I'd talk to your therapist about this. If I were working with a client who expressed something like this, I'd be working with them to develop a plan of who they can go to for support who is in their life organically (family member, partner, friend, etc.). Using a friend or family member in a moment when you need support that's only a few times every half of a year isn't likely going to burn out the friendship. If you don't have anyone you can identify as a support person that you'd trust, I would argue that that should be a primary focus in therapy with the goal of forming some relationships like this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fcec8e", "comment_id": "fcec8e"}, {"question": "I [27/m] feel like my fiance [29/m] is manipulating me", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI want to try to keep this brief. In general, I\u2019m feeling controlled and manipulated by my fianc\u00e9. It also feels like he has a completely different standard for me than he does for himself. We have been together for three years, got engaged in 2015, and will be getting married in September 2017. We are going to be moving into our own house in two months once it\u2019s built.\n\nI\u2019ll keep everything as brief as possible and can provide more detail upon request.\n\nIf he\u2019s sick we can leave an event early but if I\u2019m sick I have to \u201cput up with it\u201d until he\u2019s comfortable with leaving.\n\nOur conversations have been extremely shallow and he has no interest in them if they aren\u2019t about him.\n\nWe both work full time and have other responsibilities but he often says that I don\u2019t appreciate the work he does for us.\n\nHe corrects me even when I\u2019m not wrong.\n\nHe gets visibly upset when I tell him about my plans with my friends. He has even guilt tripped me into staying home and faked illnesses as well.\n\nHe scrutinizes my spending but will when I question his spending he gets upset.\n\nHe has tried to control my career choices and gotten upset when I did what I felt was best.\n\nHe will guilt me into having sex (don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m usually up for it but sometimes my body doesn\u2019t want to co-operate)\n\nI can\u2019t make jokes about him but he will constantly joke about me.\n\nWe can\u2019t talk about religion, social issues, politics, or music without him getting upset if I disagree.\n\nI\u2019ve caught him trying to look at my phone.\n\nHe won\u2019t let me take transit after 8pm. \n\nWe get into arguments daily and have at least one really big blow out at least once a month.\n\nWhen the relationship first started, I was happy, fit, and spontaneous. Now I\u2019m always anxious, depressed, and usually sick to my stomach.\n\nA month before we got engaged he said \u201cI\u2019m giving you until November to propose to me\u201d But never really elaborated on what would happen if I didn\u2019t. \n\nIf I talk about my work that day he will always try to tell me what my next steps would be.\n\nWhen I bring up issues he will turn them around and I will always be the one to apologize even when I have done nothing wrong. Or he will bring up completely unrelated issues and I have to apologize.\n\nI feel like I\u2019m going crazy. I\u2019m super paranoid all the time that he\u2019s looking over my shoulder, I have to walk on eggshells around him. He makes me feel guilty when we don\u2019t hang out together. I\u2019ve stopped doing things I enjoy doing because he doesn\u2019t enjoy them. I feel like I\u2019m always wrong. I feel like I\u2019m always doing what he wants to do. I feel like there is always an ulterior motive in the things he does. He\u2019s turned down my suggestion for couples therapy and refuses to see anyone else about these things. I\u2019m getting worried that things aren\u2019t getting better and that I\u2019m starting to lose myself. I\u2019m just at a loss now and any advice would be appreciated.\n", "answer": "You should see a couples counselor before you get married. These are significant issues.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lqavb", "comment_id": "5lqavb"}, {"question": "Does anyone else hate the reactions people give you when you tell them about your trauma(s)?", "description": "I have a pretty extensive trauma history including an abusive childhood, my dad being sick and dying at a young age and being sexually assaulted weeks before his death. I\u2019ve been getting help for years and I\u2019m doing pretty well considering. I recently started talking to a new therapist who does EMDR. I mentioned the fact that my assault happened three weeks before my dads death and she had that kind of ooooh or awwww that\u2019s so horrible reaction to it. Does anyone else hate that? Don\u2019t get me wrong I\u2019m glad people acknowledge the shittiness of it because it was pretty shitty. But I wish people wouldn\u2019t have that reaction to my face I know how it was I lived it I don\u2019t need you to feel pity or anything ya know? Or maybe I\u2019m just being a dick I don\u2019t know. ", "answer": "Yes I do. I also really hate \u201cI\u2019m sorry that happened to you\u201d. It always feels condescending to me. Like, why are you sorry? You didn\u2019t cause it. \n\nHonestly I don\u2019t know if there\u2019s any response I find comfortable. The only thing I don\u2019t hate is something like \u201cthat must have been really difficult\u201d or \u201cit sounds like that really affected you\u201d. Maybe when people just nod and maintain eye contact and indicate that they are present with me. Something that is about me and my experience rather than about what it\u2019s like for them to hear about it. Something that lets me know that I can talk about the impact to them and they can handle hearing it.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "b9pzto", "comment_id": "b9pzto"}, {"question": "Reddit, give me a reality check, please. Boyfriend being shady or no?", "description": "My boyfriend (31) was out at the bar while I (26) was at home (I didn\u2019t feel like going out). He starts sending me endearing photos, of myself. He does this sometimes. Its cute and it makes me happy, him admiring me like that. \n\nAnd then he sends me a screenshot, of his ex\u2019s Instagram photo, of her toes. From October. He has a slight thing for toes. He used to tell me how cute my toes were, would playfully pretend to eat them, ask me to send him a picture of them, etc. (but no he has never tried any foot thing in bed). \n\nAt first I was confused, and I was like, \u201cwth why did you send me that?\u201d \nAnd then it hit me; he probably meant to send it to her. He might\u2019ve meant to send it to her as the same \u201cendearing\u201d gesture he did for me.\n\nHe calls me and is like \u201cwoah, idk how that happened, I think my phone did weird stuff from my pocket.\u201d I hang up, because I need to process that. \n\nNo. Your phone doesn\u2019t happen to open your ex\u2019s insta page, scroll to a photo from months ago, screen shot it, open the screen shot, hit send this photo, pick your gfs number and hit send, all from your pocket. \n\nEven if by some miracle the phone sent the photo from his pocket, there\u2019s no way that the phone took a perfectly centered screenshot from her page by itself. But I don\u2019t even buy that the \u201cphone did it\u201d for any part of this. I\u2019m not the jealous type, I don\u2019t ask many questions, I try to live by trust, because I am not into that kind of drama and relationships aren\u2019t fun if you can\u2019t trust your partner. But this thing makes me feel like I\u2019m in denial if I don\u2019t stick with my gut. \n\nHe calls again, I told him I\u2019m not stupid and that he screenshot that photo and was probably sending it to her and accidentally sent it to me. And I hung up. He tried to call back a few times, I didn\u2019t answer. In the time I\u2019ve been typing this, he has come back home, drunk, and he\u2019s tried to talk. I\u2019m avoiding him and I\u2019ve told him to leave me alone, and I\u2019m holed up in my room, trying to sort myself out and convince myself that I should trust my gut and trying to think of what to do about this. \n\nPlease, give me a reality check? ", "answer": "Can you view the photo's meta data? Try saving it. See when he took the screenshot. Maybe it was part if his spank bank collection. But if it's recent, definitely he's up to no good!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7zvy3o", "comment_id": "7zvy3o"}, {"question": "Why did I let him do it.", "description": "I was dating the man who I thought was the one for the past 2 years and some months. Between year one and year two he had a bad habit of clearing messages and wanting to hang out with suddenly single girls. He cheated on me a few days after our one year anniversary, and claimed he would block and never speak to her again. (I should have never took him back) a year of good times go by and he suddenly wants to break up with me for these reasons. \n1. He wanted to focus on college.\n2. He hated my hair cut. (I had long hair and chopped it all off to see how it would look. I love it tho.)\n3. I didn't go straight to college. \n\nAfter a few weeks I found out from his former best friend he never stopped speaking to the woman he cheated on me with. And would hang out and have sex with her behind my back. I'm beyond hurt but I keep telling myself I deserve better. I find myself thinking about him all the time and because of it I'm becoming more depressed then I was before. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. But I would just like an outsiders opinion on how to go about this. \n\nOn the bright side I landed myself a teaching career for children ages 2-5. And I love it so far!\n\nTldr; \nI let a pathetic excuse for a man play me a fool and now I hate myself for it. ", "answer": "He's bad news. Good riddance. Just have to let go and move on. Rehashing history does nothing, as you've already learned the lesson.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xul55", "comment_id": "6xul55"}, {"question": "Hard time remaining motivated in abstinance", "description": "I know I don't want to do the drugs that got me in trouble now, but I still want to use. Unfortunately I've found that my new favorite alternative to coke is just as addictive and controlling. Logically I should back-pedal the fuck away from this, but after a couple of weeks of remaining abstinent, I lose track of how important living right and not using is, until I fuck up in some way, and life gives me a heads up in some form of trouble. How do you cope with this? - inb4 \"call your sponsor\".", "answer": "Not trying to fulfill your inb4, but if you're in a twelve step group you know the answer to your question\n\nThe fact of the matter is I wanted to use every single day until I started to work the steps. I don't know if you're working a program or not, but if you are I can tell you, not only did the twelve steps get me sober, but they also gave me a new design for life. A life that is happy, joyous, and free. I know what you're talking about when you're sitting there thinking, \"I WANNA USE I WANNA USE I WANNA USE.\" It's miserable and you don't have to live that way.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1p3rpv", "comment_id": "1p3rpv"}, {"question": "I'm [29/m] she's a [26/f] will call M", "description": "[26/f] will call M has a Roommate/Girlfriend [22/f] will call H. M and H texts me all the time where in a group message, they genuine cares, we go out to lunch, we smoke. friend stuff. well, the other day M started messaging me Personally. and not in the group message with her girlfriend. she pointed out that H was gone until Saturday. and she invites me over to hang. we touched a few times made eye contact I kinda now the signs of Flirting. I ended up leaving last night because could not figure out how to address this. I am attracted to her but she in a relationship I don't know how to just ask her what's up or maybe I'm just implying too much.\nEdit: for Clarity ", "answer": "Your post is hard to follow. 22yo is out of town until Saturday and M started texting you all flirty like on some side app?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68207p", "comment_id": "68207p"}, {"question": "How the fuck do some users have tens of thousands of karma points and zero posts?", "description": "http://www.reddit.com/user/AussieBeast\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/Child-in-Time\n\nGotta be something going on. And what the fuck is this guy but a bunch of users joined at the bot:\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/StickleyMan", "answer": "Lots of people delete posts periodically. \n \nAt the time I'm posting this, AussieBeast has 2 link posts up, both doing very well. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3bfc", "comment_id": "1p3bfc"}, {"question": "Moving through shame/guilt into anger. Is this a real thing?", "description": "Been bingeing a TV show. Not wanting to discuss which one.\n\nTherapist character on TV show was written to explain to another character that dealing with shame, guilt, worthlessness etc. that type of emotion is done by eventually getting angry at ... something.\n\nIt wasn't well-explained enough. Only demonstrated the other character getting better after finally allowing themselves to feel angry at... whatever, or just angry in general, I can't figure it out. \n\n**Is there any merit to this?**\n\nIf so, could someone give me a pointer as to what this therapist character might have been referring to?\n\nMy next therapy appt. is in two weeks. I am definitely going to bury this whole idea if I don't deal with it right now and I might miss whatever benefit it could bring.\n\nWould appreciate any help.\n\n(I am massively triggered right now and quite angry. Don't know what to refocus it on. Looking for ways to make this constructive.)", "answer": "This doesn't sound like anything I am familiar with . Most models of grief acknowledge these feelings, and guilt often comes before anger. However , most agree these models are not linear and people can move in both directions.\n\nTV and movies often do a poor job portraying therapy and mental health. \n\nOne concern i have about \"anger \" being addressed in this way is that anger is a secondary emotion, usually pointed externally. Most people are angry because of another emotion. Also people are usually angry AT something, but rarely sad or happy AT something. \n\nAnger is real and deserves attention, but should rarely be a therapeutic goal. In my experience, digging deeper and addressing the root emotion is more effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gi3r94", "comment_id": "gi3r94"}, {"question": "How to strengthen a relationship?", "description": "I am a highschool senior and i am dating a high school junior girl. I know you might say that we're just in high school and we don't know what real love is. Yeah, we don't know what it feels like to live with each other but i want to be able to last enough to get to that stage. What are some things small or big that will strengthen our relationship and get us closer than ever? I just know this girl is amazing and i want to get even closer to her.", "answer": "make sure you have similar values and goals in life. be considerate, kind, thoughtful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60sor7", "comment_id": "60sor7"}, {"question": "Suicide Prevention Committee Leader Feeling Discouraged", "description": "I'm part of a suicide prevention committee and am pushing for research into the social factors surrounding mental illness, such as alienation and ID formation as the \"troubled kid.\" In addition awareness that it starts in childhood but people don't realize it presents differently in kids.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nCurrently dealing with some negative thoughts such as:\n\nI can't change anything\n\nWe're all doomed and there will be no future for the planet so why bother\n\nI attempted four times before becoming committee leader so I shouldn't be allowed to be CL as I set a bad example\n\nNobody will believe you", "answer": "This moment in time is very discouraging what with the rise of intolerance, civic corruption and greed, the looming threat of climate change and endless war. Which makes the need for what you're doing greater even while there are fewer resources and less support to support you. That isn't optimal but it's what it is. The fact is your eyes are open to the problem and it's a huge and vitally important problem. You value the idea of making a dent in that problem. You can spend your energy trying to make things better and risk failing, or you can fail out of the gate by letting your despair get the better of you. It is true that you can't save everyone. Your impact won't be universal, but for those people you do reach, it will make some positive difference for some of them. And that is enough to make it worthwhile perhaps. You can help some. By living that virtue you will become a force for good in the world and your life will have meaning beyond your own survival. \n\nResearch can be abstract and while it is important, it might not offer the direct experience of helping that you need to feel the positive impact of your work. Maybe think about ways you can participate in implementation of what you learn so that you can better feel the impact. You can help save some and it can be gratifyingly when this happens, and there is friendship to be had when working with others.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "bpliwl", "comment_id": "bpliwl"}, {"question": "My Friends, my people.", "description": "Hi! I can not express how pleased I am to see you all. With encouragement from an amazing friend and doing the dance called \"fake it to you make it\" (like a boss!) I have been facing my fear of the internet and \"being on-line\" for the past 45mins. I felt lost and confused trying to work how to say hello and where to \"post it\" & what community. Then like a diamond in the sky, mental health smacked me in the face! Der shit face, I am so passionate and proud that I have a file with my name on the front at my local community mental health building. It makes sense to post in a community full of peeps that know what I'm talking about. Pin that badge on me with Bipolar Effective Disorder & the under valued OCD.I look after my labels. I respect them. I am safe and relaxed amongst other people living with mental health because I can 100% be me, I don't have to put on an act or smile trying to convince or prove that I'm normal. Social stigma prevents us from shaking the stigma. I don't need the pity look or a patronizing smile if I'm talking to you cause, crazy or not buddy I'm happier than you'll ever be. This spring I'll be in my late 30's, I am widowed and conducting my very own social experiment at home raising a boy and girl. I work at the long standing local hospital part time at night as a \"waitress\" to the patients. My big boss had the balls to call me a \"trolley dolly\" once. Discrimination. I'm more than that, I love my job and take enormous pride in my work. My kids are amazing, I have a job I love, I have out of this world friends and meaningful relationship YET somehow some people only see my badges. Its very exciting thinking I could express my thoughts and ideas freely without a face & body language to consider. I'm a big dreamer with wild goals and a unique bucket list, surely not me! If you have made it to this part of my essay, thank you! I'm going to count backwards from 12 by 2's and hit POST and walk away slowly............", "answer": "Welcome to Reddit and this subReddit!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u35yd", "comment_id": "6u35yd"}, {"question": "Adhd fear docs won't help/ history or narcotic abuse", "description": "I'm a 36 yr old mom of two I work a professional job and I have always suffered from severe adhd symptoms I can't stay focused or sit still, I constantly forget/ run late/ get lost.. I have a history of opiate abuse after a back injury which I did recover from.. I went to my family doctor in July to finally ask for help with my adhd symptoms and she made me feel very judged... I was crying I had my list of symptoms and a timeline of how long it had been affecting me and I couldn't even finish before she interrupted me and told me there was no way she was prescribing me narcotics she gave me Strattera I tried it for 2 months it had me falling asleep at work I got into a psychiatrist she gave me adderal which gave me terrible anxiety but did help my focus the problem is she is charging me $180 out of pocket every two weeks. I switched family doctors I'm going today for the first time. I looked at my chart last night online my prior family doctor put on my chart the day that I came in asking for help that I have a history of narcotic abuse, it wasn't there before I told her. I want to bring this up with my doctor and see if he will at least help me with a long-acting stimulant that won't cause me anxiety... Does this marking on my chart make me automatically seem like a drug seeker? I don't know how to even bring it up", "answer": "Can you find a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD who takes your insurance? Family doctors are skittish sometimes about prescribing stimulants anyway, even without a history of opiate abuse in the mix. But a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD should know that substance abuse is a common symptom of the disorder and that your ADHD needs to be properly treated to help you avoid self medication. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xb72q", "comment_id": "9xb72q"}, {"question": "If anyone can help me in the slightest please do.", "description": "Hello, \n\nSo my anxiety is the wierdest i know of anyone's, and I do not expect anyone to understand it and i feel like a freak for having it. \n\nFor some reason uknown to me i have anxiety that stems from the fear of being attracted to people that i am not or i do not want to. This is as wierd as it actually sounds. It gets so bad, and I know none of it is true but i cannot calm myself down and get rid of the anxiety in my head. I hide it well, but even the people i tell don't seem to take it seriously. They just think \"Oh hes just kidding.\" But i'm not, I live almost everyday stressed out of my mind because of it. \n\nHeres some examples of what im talking about. \nRecently I was at school and was talking to a friend of mine and suddenly i got the thought in my head, \"What if i was attracted to guys.\" That caused me to have a mini panic attack, for reasons unknown to me, and made me feel as if i actually was attracted to guys all my life and now im just denying it. Which is completely untrue as i know im not, and it has passed. But really this can happen to anyone, close friends, regardless of gender, and even family, which is the creepiest and scariest part. I know none of it is true. I know this. But why do i stress and feel this way? \n\nI feel so f*cked up and a freak for having this...I just want to live normally without thoughts such as these.\nIts not everyday i have these, but there are periods where it lasts very long and it is terrible. I feel so alone.", "answer": "This is a bit odd but I say I used to have a bit of this anxiety too. Just not in the same degree. I wish I knew what to say but for me, the feelings have passed. I think it went away naturally. How long as this been going on? Are you on medication? Have you talked to a therapist about this?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "uw88z", "comment_id": "uw88z"}, {"question": "Have any authors written about shyness?", "description": "I've read the book Quiet by Susan Cain and was wanting to know more about the topic of shyness.\n\nI'm not necessarily interesting in a manual about what to do with regards to shyness as much as understanding it more, especially from someone who has studied it under a scientific perspective.", "answer": "Shyness: A Bold New Approach https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060930683/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_a4GGwbXZYBATP\n\n\nHe takes a scientific and psychological approach as well. He also includes some practical information. He spoke at my university when I was an undergrad and I got a lot out of it. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3ylqgo", "comment_id": "3ylqgo"}, {"question": "Grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me", "description": "Grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me. The moment that I walk in to a grocery store I start to feel very anxious. There are people everywhere and everyone is blocking the pathways. I also tend to have a problem with focussing on all the products in the store as I walk past them. There are just way to many products and I can\u2019t process everything at once. And in the end I just start panicking for no reason. \n\nGrocery shopping with someone is even more of a nightmare. It always ends up in some sort of an argument, because when I start to panic, the only thing I want is to leave asap. Unfortunately that is not always possible so my panicking/stressing about nothing gets even worse. Also the person I\u2019m with thinks that I\u2019m overreacting and being a drama queen, when this is really how I feel. Sometimes I almost cry out of stress. I always feel like such a little crybaby, because when I really think about it, grocery shopping is something so easy and simple, yet I seem to avoid it as much as possible. \n\nIs there someone who experiences grocery shopping relatively the same as me? Sometimes I think that I might be crazy to make such a big thing about something so small and easy. (Also sorry for my English, I\u2019m not a native English speaker.) ", "answer": "I don\u2019t get anxiety in the store usually; it\u2019s more like I get sooooo tired even just walking in from the parking lot, and the fatigue gets worse the longer I\u2019m there. Eventually I start to feel depressed. Sometimes it can be to the point where I feel totally unable to focus on getting my stuff so I\u2019ll just leave without buying anything, or I\u2019ll hastily grab a couple staples and jet, then get pissed at myself later because I don\u2019t have everything I need.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abopbc", "comment_id": "abopbc"}, {"question": "To Ireland", "description": "Ireland, I adore you. You are a beautiful country full of beautiful people who showed me nothing but kindness and warm welcomes whenever I was there. \n\nSt Patrick's day is once again here, a day synonymous with getting shitfaced and I have used this day to do so many a time. It was quite liberating in a way getting wrecked in public rather than shamefully doing the same at home alone in my bedroom, it was St Patrick's day after all... despite being English with no familial ties to the Emerald Isle!\n\nSo to my wonderful brothers and sisters in Ireland I give all my love, especially in these strange times where everything is shutting down. I'll not be drinking any Guinness with you tonight (honestly I never liked it to begin with) but I'll have a feast in your honour.", "answer": "\ud83c\uddee\ud83c\uddea\ud83d\ude37\ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fk5exn", "comment_id": "fk5exn"}, {"question": "Recovery is so much harder than the depression itself.", "description": "Hello. I've never made a Reddit post before and probably never will again after this, but I thought I had to share.\n\nBefore I start, please do not read this if you are currently in a bad place. Writing all of this was good for me, but it may be bad for you.\n\nToday is a few months after the anniversary of my suicide attempt.\n\nSome context: I am a high school girl from Los Angeles who has struggled with lack of self worth and thoughts of suicide since maybe 5th or 6th grade. My mother, father, and older sister have always been normal and loving people to me, albeit they show it in strange ways (We're an East Asian family, we love in the sense of \"tough love\" if that makes sense).\n\nAnyways, the first time I seriously considered killing myself was in 7th grade. I honestly don't remember the exact details, but I think I got a bad grade on my report card that day. My mom came into my room and started crying and screaming, saying she didn't know what to do with me. Keep in mind that my sister was a straight A student throughout high school. Getting a B+ was foreign to my parents. It was so long ago, but what I specifically remember that day is my mom telling me that she would rather kill herself than have to live with me. I was 12.\n\nAnd so, for the next three years, I continued spiraling into a chasm of depression and anxiety. I never told anybody, because when you're in middle school, having depression is considered a sin for some reason. I continued having fights with my parents constantly, but my depression was mostly contained and I did not seriously consider ending my life.\n\nThen high school came along. My mother wanted me to attend a private school out of our district for the sake of better education. It was a Catholic all-girls school, and I knew nobody there. To make matters worse, I have known that I am bisexual since I can remember (my parents do not know). To make matters even *more* worse, my grandma was hospitalized during this time and my best friend/neighbor's house burnt down. Yeah. Life was a wreck. It was about to get a whole lot worse though.\n\nBack in middle school, I didn't particularly enjoy going to class, but I liked seeing my friends and learning about new things. This was different. The girls at this private school were exclusive, demeaning, and all around just not good people. Every day I felt like my spirit was getting crushed when I entered that campus. I know I sound dramatic, but when you go to a place you hate with your entire being for 8 hours a day, it takes a toll on your mental health. I started relapsing into my self-harming ways. At first, it was just thoughts, insomnia, sleeping at 3 am every night because I did not want to wake up the next morning. A few months into school, something happened with the other girls that I feel uncomfortable talking about (even to strangers on the Internet). The result of those events was me seriously considering ending my life.\n\nAt this point, I decided to tell my parents. I began with my mom. Being the traditional-minded Asian she is, she immediately told me to suck it up and stop having \"white people problems\". Because yeah, my problems seem minor compared to the scale of the world. I am from a upper middle class family who lives in a suburban neighborhood. I have privileges to things that many people work hard for their whole lives and still don't get. My life is good.\n\nBut, at the time, I was so blinded by my depression that I failed to see any of these things. I had a one track mindset, and I was set on killing myself. The fact that my parents did not take me seriously made me even more sure that my life was worthless. Depressed, crying every day after school, and not getting anything accomplished, it was only my sister's intervention that made me not end it all. She convinced me to go see a therapist, and talked to me about my long-repressed issues with my parents. It didn't fix things, but it was a start.\n\nOne day, my mom called me downstairs. She sat me down and immediately started sobbing. She was telling me how much she loved me, and how sorry she was that she didn't see how upset I was before. She told me I could go back to my old school next year, where all my old friends were. I touched my wet cheek and realized that I was crying now too. My parents and I had never been close, so seeing her like this completely shell shocked me. She asked me to promise her to never kill myself. I did.\n\nFrom then on, she drove me to school every day. \"Be strong, only few more months until summer,\" she would tell me before I left the car. It was a grueling school year, but I made it through alive and I am now back at my old school where I have plenty of friends and I am much better thanks to therapy. I still get depressed very often, and I think about suicide all the time.\n\nBut this morning, my dad and I got into a fight. It was a very small one, and I got over it pretty quickly. I didn't think much of it, until he walked into my room a couple hours later and started crying and apologizing to me. He told me that he loved me very much, and that he never wanted to see me upset. I was completely torn. I have never seen my dad cry before. Back when I went to that horrible school, I didn't interact with him most of the time and just kept him in the dark regarding my mental health. I never saw him express emotion toward me. But now, his eyes were red and he had tear streaks going down his face. I couldn't understand why he was so upset over something so small. It was such an insignificant fight, and we had had tons of those in the past over every little thing.\n\nBut then it hit me\u2014he knew. He knew about my suicide attempt, he knew about everything that happened last year. He wasn't there most of the time, but he knew and he thought it was his fault for letting it get that bad. Both of my parents thought it was their fault. That whole time, I was so obsessed with how horrible I felt that I didn't acknowledge the pain my parents must have felt. I can only imagine how my parents must have felt, raising and loving a child only to have them tell you that they want to die. It must be the worst feeling in the world, knowing that you were so close to losing your child. I was so caught up in my own emotions at the time, I was so deep into my own depression that I didn't realize how much they loved me. How much pain I would cause them if I actually succeeded in killing myself.\n\nSo that is why my parents never argue with me anymore. We never get into fights. They're scared that I will spiral again, and that it might lead to permanent decisions this time. It's weird because I should be happy that we don't fight anymore, but I find myself missing the times where they would get mad at me over trivial things and then we would all forget within an hour. Now, whenever I seem upset, they immediately start being overly kind and sympathetic. I think the reason why that hurts me so much is because I know that I am the reason why they have become this way. I feel so selfish in trying to kill myself. How could I not realize how much it would hurt those around me? It's already hurt my parents so much. I feel like I've broke them. I don't know how to continue on from here. Now that my mind is clearer, I am realizing all the damage I have done that I previously could not see. I feel so guilty for even thinking about killing myself, knowing that my pain would only be transferred to my family.\n\nI thought going through the depression was the hardest part. Turns out, recovering from it is infinitely harder.\n\nIf you read this all the way to the end...I guess I only have one more thing to say. There's always somebody out there who loves and cares for you deeply. There are so many wonderful things in life to celebrate, and there are people who want to celebrate it with you. Depression is a bitch that gets in the way of that. You can fight it.", "answer": "I think it is a good thing you are conscious of many things now that you werent before. That can make you more flexible in life. You seem to allow emotions and thoughts even when they are complicated and come out alright at the end of the day. Please feel free to be proud of this :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b1w85w", "comment_id": "b1w85w"}, {"question": "Had an ECG taken, and was told I have an RSR' pattern.", "description": "The result came in the mail so I haven't had a chance to consult the doctor yet. \n\n* Does this require treatment / Is it treatable? \n* if so, would better diet/exercise help?\n* what could this lead to later in life?\n \nmy particulars: \n38yro caucasian male \nsomewhat fit, 180cm / 5'11, 70kg / 155 lbs \nnot the best eating habits, smoker for 10 years :(", "answer": "Why are you having an ECG in the first place?\n\nI never rely on the reading in isolation - got pics?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6pnaur", "comment_id": "6pnaur"}, {"question": "How do i get therapy if my parents don't care enough my mental health. And i'm 13?", "description": "Title says it all.\nI just need some help.\n\nEdit : I just can't believe that people on the internet are better than my parents.\nLet that sink in.", "answer": "Is there a teacher or other person at school you can talk to? Most schools have some type of mental health support and have expanded this online since covid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g6ta66", "comment_id": "g6ta66"}, {"question": "Confessions of a bad mom", "description": "Today I bought lunch, a real lunch, and ate it. I didn\u2019t go pick up some booze and slam it in my car. I didn\u2019t make sure I had enough to drink on the way home so I didn\u2019t shake when I picked up my sons from daycare. I don\u2019t plan on making that shameful second stop for the evening bottle so I am not just a lump on the couch, but its because of the wine that I am a lump, it\u2019s just sickeningly reversed right now. Part of the lies of addiction.\n\nThis is my rock bottom and I am on day 1 after a ridiculous attempt at a taper.\n\nI didn\u2019t give them a proper summer because of my shit. They love me but I am not giving them what they deserve. MY FAMILY has had to cover my ass so many times and now I\u2019ve used that one too many times. They don\u2019t want to help me anymore, or at least I wouldn\u2019t put up with helping me more. Everyone has productive families, self-sustaining yet I can\u2019t seem to figure it out and they excuse me for being a single mom with depression and anxiety (which I am medicated for but to no surprise it doesn\u2019t work properly)\n\nI let my youngest bully me into getting him a toy so I could drink. I can\u2019t even begin to imagine how many times I drove drunk.\n\nI left them at home when I shouldn\u2019t have to get more.\n\nI stole from friend\u2019s and family\u2019s booze stash.\n\nI am sloppy and unproductive at my job.\n\nI spend frivolously money I don\u2019t have when I am drunk.\n\nI make promises that I break.\n\nMy house is disgusting. My weight and personal hygiene are disgusting. I can barely look in the mirror.\n\nAnd now I am sitting here for the second day at work, sweating and shaking and zero sleep due to brain zaps, hallucinations, pouring sweat and shaking all night. And the sick thing about that? I want some wine. Or rather I want to be able to tell myself once I feel better, I can drink a glass here and there and that this just got out of hand this time. YEAH RIGHT! Reading the above makes me want to throw up and strangle my own brain for being this way. And I know about kindling effect and the dangers of withdrawal and I still am sitting here fighting this demon? HOW? And why am I so uncomfortable in my own skin? I look at normal people and have no idea how they do it. But I swear to you guys I am going to do it this time, even if everything has to fall apart for a while.\n\n\nEdit: wow to everyone who shared those amazing words with me, thank you. I needed them like air today and i am bawling in a good way finally. I will come here everyday so thank you from the bottom of my heart!", "answer": "Relate to everything you said. Believe me, many other people do too. I really appreciate your honesty. Things won\u2019t always be like that; stay sober and work on yourself and you will understand how \u201cnormal\u201d people go about their days without having to structure them around drinking, or rather just surviving. I remember thinking the same thing on many occasions. You will get there. Don\u2019t give up!! IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cqed39", "comment_id": "cqed39"}, {"question": "[26/f] need advice dealing with work crush [28/m]", "description": "Heads up, think we both are behaving way immaturely. I slept with my work crush after we were drunk - both sober and drunk. It was fun. And the next day, since I mentioned we need to talk - nothing major, I didn't want a relationship but sex was good, didnt want us being awkward since we work together etc. He has been deflecting, avoiding having the talk altogether, ignoring me. Help? (I still have a crush, but I want to not make him be uncomfortable, want to hook up..) But now I'm on to self blaming for this. Any advice?", "answer": "He's got the feels or he's afraid you caught them. If you just want to have occasional shameful sex you're probably good to go as is. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6985t5", "comment_id": "6985t5"}, {"question": "Family doesn't want me to build another gaming PC out of fear I'll become a drunk caveman...", "description": "A few years ago I built a high end gaming computer. I did become a caveman and towards the end I was more of a drunken slob with a shit paying job... \n\nI sold my PC and put on my big boy pants, got a real job that takes up a lot of my day however I'm now your average American...\n\nMy day consists of up at 6am, at work by 8am, lunch is at 1pm at which time I chose to work out, 2pm I'm back in my office and I'm there until 5pm. My day is pretty damn stressful. So stressful I'm 24 and have high blood pressure. Because of the high blood pressure I take a medication that mixes horribly with alcohol. My heart flip flops every minute and I run tachycardic... So I can't drink. \n\nWhat do I do when I get home at 6PM? I'm a couch potato. I have nothing to do. I can't afford a relationship so I avoid dating. I also avoid friends because again... that costs money I don't have... \n\nThe gaming PC I want to build will take time to save for. I'm not sure what else to do because I've pretty much hit the spike in my life. When I was gaming it was the greatest stress reliever I'd ever had. 10 fold what sex ever relieved. Gaming was that 4 hours of constant gratification. I was having fun... I didn't have to worry about the bills. I was in my own world... \n\n\nBut my family thinks I'll revert to that fat drunk slob phase again... \n\n\n\nI'm stuck and it's tearing my brain apart. I'm tired of my boring couch potato life. I love gaming. I workout and I'm losing weight but that doesn't rid me entirely of stress. It's not that decompression I need to sleep. \n\n\nCan y'all help me decide?", "answer": "Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with spending YOUR money and YOUR free time on a hobby you enjoy. In fact it's healthy in moderation.\n\nHOWEVER, gaming alone will not relieve your stress. What is the root cause of the stress? That's the goal you need to tackle. Maybe you need a better job? Maybe you need a better living situation? Maybe you need a way to connect to others socially? And finances aren't an excuse here, if you have time - there's a lot of activities you can do for free in your community. Check out your local library, or tabletop game store, or take up volunteering.\n\nThere's nothing wrong with having couch potato time, in fact everyone needs some, but honestly, gaming is just a different type of couch potato activity. I say this as someone who has a gaming PC and plays like 2-5 hours almost every day. But it's important to have other goals in life that will move you forward in some way.\n\nYou've kicked the drinking and gaming habit in the past and made some progress in life in the past, and that's great! Worthy of celebrating! Keep going - how else can your life improve?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9hvrd", "comment_id": "f9hvrd"}, {"question": "Breakup with alcoholic boyfriend", "description": "I met my ex boyfriend two and a half years ago. We clicked so well and everybody loved him. I knew he was a drinker, hell, I partied it up with him a lot of nights.\n\nThere were some borderline deal breaker nights when he ditched me for people who could buy him alcohol but I decided to forgive him. The thing is that I never saw problem drinking growing up. I honestly didn't know what I was getting into. Everybody said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was so different since he met me. I guess he went from drinking everyday to drinking 2-3 days a week and tried to keep it under control. I didnt think much of it. I occasionally drank too much as well but never more than once a week and that would be a stretch. \n\nFast forward and one thing led to another and we moved in together and started a business together etc. He was working long hours all week and then on the weekend wanted to be anywhere but home. Just wanted to catch a buzz. He stopped helping around the house, stopped sleeping in the bed with me because of trouble sleeping, his sex drive went way down. Stopped making any kind of effort and I really didnt feel like he cared at all. His communication skills are non existent so he can never talk about his feelings and I know he has a lot of anxiety.\n\nHe is the kind of drinker that once he has one you can bet he'll black out that night. Lose his phone/keys/wallet and need you to pick him up wherever his is i the middle of the night and then take him back there the next morning to get his truck. Seeing him lay in bed all day hung over sat/sunday is pathetic. Especially when he promised to spend time with me. He has bad stomach issues and he is horrible with money.\n\nI tried everything to help him and made excuses for him but finally saw it for what it was and gave him an ultimatum to quit drinking or leave. He did try. Made it three weeks. (Although he was high THE WHOLE TIME). It was another three weeks of benders before I finally kicked him out. I dont think he has been sober since. (Two weeks tomorrow). I have been reading a lot on here and am coming to grips with the fact that he definately has a serious drinking problem. And that its not going to magically go away. Whenever I miss him I just have to tell myself I miss the idea of him because the real him is never home anyway or he is cranky because of hangover. Im sad about losing him because I think he has a good heart but I know I made the right decision. Reading all your stories solidifies my decision and helps me keep a stiff upper lip. I cant save him, and now I have to take care of myself.", "answer": "...and if he wants sobriety consequences like what you just gave him will be the motivation he needs. His fate and sobriety are in his hands. The fact that while abstinent from alcohol and high off something else only further solidified to me that he simply does not wish to stop. Stay strong. Encourage him in his sobriety with love and support. Do not enable no matter how tough it is to resist and maybe he will decide to get sober for himself. ", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "2m8nje", "comment_id": "2m8nje"}, {"question": "Help?", "description": "My husband and I have no money to spend on mental healthcare for my suicidal ideation, hell we barely have enough to feed ourselves, mostly because my depression/anxiety disorder/paranoia is too deep for me to keep from being fired.\n\nI have tried free hotlines and chatlines, but they are always 'down' or 'out of service'.\n\nI am off my medication by choice because my husband wants children. \n\nThis will be my fourth suicide attempt, previous ones were stopped because of emergency intervention because we had healthcare. This time we do not and I am not sure how to help myself.\n\nI am sorry if this is rambling, I am sorry if you feel this is inappropriate or that my post is worthless, I am only writing this because I have no one else.", "answer": "Hey there, I'm listening. Where are you located, if you don't mind me asking? ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "28nitv", "comment_id": "28nitv"}, {"question": "I (54Y M) have realised that I am self censoring less and less. I don't think this a good thing. What is this phenomenon?", "description": "Pretty much what the title says. I believe most folks have a filter between what they really think and feel and what they say. I certainly do / did. This prevents saying or doing things that may result in social censure.\n\nMy filter is is becoming intermittent. I suspect this is age related. Does anyone have any insight?\n\nUPDATE / EDIT\nThank you everyone for your comments. I have read every one and they have helped refine what I was struggling to write. \n\nI am concerned that my personality may have taken a turn for the worse. I have found that I get frustrated by various stuff (see below) and this causes me to go into rages. Whereas before I could think rationally about how stupid stuff affected me and laugh things off. Now when I get frustrated I go from 1 to 10 in a heartbeat. I will curse and get in a rage. Then it will go as fast as it came once I get it out of my system and can get a grip.\n\nThis is never directed at a person other than myself and I don't think I'm a physical threat to anyone.\n\nStupid stuff that 'triggered' me in the last month:\n- Bashing my head on the cooker-hood \n- Being cut up by another driver \n- Being annoyed that a piece of home electronics had a hard wired power cable and not a removable cable \n- Leaving my wallet at home \n\nTo the posters who have suggested that it's me giving less of a shit what other people think as I get older - Its something I recognize but I reached that point 3 or 4 years ago.\n\nEdited for spelling grammar and formatting", "answer": "49 (F) and I have the same problem. My teen girls are mortified 90% of the day.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "bts5o8", "comment_id": "bts5o8"}, {"question": "Being a better college student", "description": "I'm not failing any of my classes but I just need help on becoming a more proactive and better college student. It feels like I can't ever sit down and focus, I always distract myself with other things (reddit)\n\nI procrastinate every assignment and then end up stressing the hell out of myself (already have bad anxiety) The assignments I do procrastinate are all shit(imo) when I turn them in. \n\nWhenever I do have open time, i always blow my homework off. I'm not keeping myself in check and I want to get back on track. What can I do To stay focused/on track and better my grades to be a better college student? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "The author David Foster Wallace was known to physically remove the parts of his laptop that could be used to connect him to the internet.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "231b5g", "comment_id": "231b5g"}, {"question": "Weight loss, metformin?", "description": "I diagnosed 7 years ago (I'm 23 now). I've done a pretty good job of keeping everything under control naturally but lately I've been really struggling. Between a lot of personal issues I'm going into counselling for and opening a business/stress, I'm losing the fight on this one. I lost a good amount of weight, went down 70lbs, had another 30 to lose to my goal. I've slowly been creeping back up. I'm gaining weight, it seems to be mainly my belly and back. it's killing me. I just wanted people's opinions on metformin. I'm slightly insulin resistant, going for blood work again soon. I just want something to help me get things under control - the cravings and weight gain. Thanks", "answer": "I think it would be beneficial for you to go on metformin. Ask your doctor about it. Many PCOS patients benefit from metformin and it helps them manage their weight. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3oioo2", "comment_id": "3oioo2"}, {"question": "Oh, God! Make it stop.", "description": "I would give up everything, for just moments of peace. Everything and every last bit of my time and energy. For just one second of quiet. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nv47g", "comment_id": "9nv47g"}, {"question": "I'm worried I may be experiencing psychosis - help?", "description": "For the last few months my depression and anxiety has been through the roof. I've not been a good place.\n\nWhat I'm experiencing isn't so much delusions, more so paranoias, revolving around the theme of people being a product of my imagination. I can rationalize that these paranoias are untrue, but still they bother me. I sometimes get paranoid that my SO is a sort of higher power, who's leading me on a certain path. I get paranoid that he can hear my thoughts and knows what I'm doing when we're not together.\n\nWe've had a lot of arguments lately, which are caused by me getting stuck in extremely negative thought loops, and I hear everything he says as a criticism. I begin to believe he doesn't really love or care about me or even like me anymore.\n\nI'm scared to be alone. I see shadows, I get this bothersome feeling that I'm not alone. It freaks me out.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore. I miss feeling sane. Anyone else experience anything like this? I'm in therapy but haven't spoken to anyone about these specific concerns because I feel embarrassed about it.", "answer": "Paranoia is a common form of psychosis though less recognized because it seems more plausible. Truly, medication may help. Think about seeing a psychiatrist. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "30hk7g", "comment_id": "30hk7g"}, {"question": "Help with SNRI withdrawal?", "description": "I was put on 150mg of venlafaxine about half a year ago. It's the second antidepressant I've been on and there are only negative effects. A few weeks ago I decided I've had enough and cut it down little by little, until I had been on the smallest pills in the capsules (12,5mg) for 3 days and just stopped it there. Now I've been without the med for 2 days and withdrawal is getting worse. Brain zaps about once every 10 seconds, sometimes they reach out to my limbs. I'm sweating and I have a headache that painkillers are doing nothing to. Nausea and puking started a few hours ago.\n\nAnybody with experience? What can I do to ease this?", "answer": "Venlafaxine is one of the hardest SNRI drugs to taper off of. Have you talked to the doctor about it? They may be able to add another much more mild antidepressant to temporarily assist, or have other options.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yjp18", "comment_id": "yjp18"}, {"question": "my mom attempted suicide today", "description": "TW: kind of graphic description of suicide attempt \n\n\n\nso at around midnight on 5/31/18 i woke up to my brother coming into my room and screaming that our mom tried to kill herself and that she wasn\u2019t breathing. i immediately got up and went outside, i went into the backyard and into the garage, where my step father was trying really hard to give her CPR. she tried to kill herself by hanging, she took an electrical cord and draped it over a hook on the ceiling, and wrapped it around her neck. thankfully because of how poor her attempt was, she wasn\u2019t fully hanging off of the ground, and was mostly on the ground. we don\u2019t know how long she was out there and we don\u2019t know how long her airway had been cut off. anyway, as soon as my step father got her to start gasping for breath, the paramedics showed up and put an oxygen mask on her. they took her away into the ambulance and my brother, me, and my step father got ready to go to the hospital. eventually we ended up in the ER waiting for answers about my mom. they had first told us that she might have suffered significant brain damage and could end up brain dead. however, they took her to get a CT scan of her brain, and they then told us that they don\u2019t see any significant damage to the brain, no swelling or bleeding, and her neck was not injured significantly. i\u2019m so thankful that the damage that was done wasn\u2019t worse. after the horrifying news we decided to wait to see her, talk to her a little, and then go home. when we were able to go see her i went in first. she was breathing so hard and she was in a coma. i don\u2019t know how long her brain went without oxygen and i just really hope that she wakes up and can make even somewhat of a recovery. all we know as of right now (5:00 AM on 5/31/18) is that she is stable but in critical condition, and now we\u2019re just waiting for her to wake up. i have a lot of thoughts going on in my head right now but mostly i just want her to wake up and not be a vegetable. the only thing i\u2019m really worried about is the fact that she was drinking so much alcohol when she did it, and with her asthma and obesity she\u2019s more at risk of complications.. you really don\u2019t know how much you miss someone and realize how much better you should treat someone until something like this happens. i just wanted to vent about it because everyone is asleep now and i haven\u2019t been able to even think about sleeping. i\u2019m ending my vent here. i love you mom, please wake up. ", "answer": "I'm very sorry for you all, and hope that your mother has a chance to keep living a full life. \nPlease consider therapy for yourself; this is traumatic. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "8ngyx6", "comment_id": "8ngyx6"}, {"question": "Being in a relationship is tough, so I made a list of stuff to work on myself to be a better boyfriend/person.", "description": "**Things to work on:**\n\n---------\n\n\n**Don't correct people on little things**\n\n\n- Help when asked is alright\n- Have a conversation on what doesn't cross boundaries\n\n\n\n**Don't dismiss how someone feels.**\n\n\n- You have a different perspective and history\n\n\n\n**Observe when a conversation becomes an unnecessary argument**\n\n\n- It doesn't matter that much\n- Being \"right\" is not more important than your relationship\n\n\n\n**Make sure to never imply that friends/family don't support when they do**\n\n\n\n**For an upcoming event, plan the day beforehand:**\n\n\n- Cost and how that will be handled\n- Do we both have the time for it?\n- Time spent there\n\n\n\nSomething that I understood a while ago but saw Terry Crews talk about it in an interview:\n\n\"**It's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time.** And what happens is you've been taught- like men have this thing like \"You must control your world, you control these things, and to be a man you must have control\" but you can't control other people and people get it mixed up.\"\n\n**\"-You telling everyone what to do doesn't make you the boss, you doing everything thing you told yourself to do makes you the boss.\" -[Terry Crews](https://youtu.be/o7f1HVFpRPI)**\n\n\n------\n\n\nSome of these are just things I've grown up around and I don't know how much I've done of them but **I try my damndest not to be like my abuser(s), ever.**\n\nThe last part, I've always issues controlling myself and tried and tried and then I found out about my adhd and I'm proud of my progress.\n\n\n**We have issues with self control but, that doesn't mean we get to harm others. Working on ourselves is tough, not impossible.**\n\n-----\n\n**TLDR: Find out what you're doing that can harm your relationship with others and work on it.**", "answer": "I feel you with the \"don't correct people\". I do that all the time and I hate it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b3nk6k", "comment_id": "b3nk6k"}, {"question": "Someone with ADHD want to chime in and confirm this? Check my arm-chair diagnosis before I waste time with specialists.", "description": "Can someone with ADHD skim this and give some thoughts? Want to be sure I've got my arm\\-chair diagnosis correct.\n\nI'm working up to scheduling an appointment with an actual specialist for a diagnosis.\n\nIn the meantime: I'm supposed to be doing something important right now and am waiting for the caffeine to kick in so instead I got distracted researching that's possibly wrong with me and posting this.\n\nI can't stick to a structured schedule to save my life \\(or career\\), an 8 hour work\\-day drains my soul, and I have difficulty not being completely drained working just 30 hour weeks, being drained by structured work saps my ability to be structured and efficient in my freetime, there are things I \\*want\\* to do in my free time but instead waste it all bouncing between distractions that don't accomplish anything \\(I don't even feel entertained or refreshed\\), really forcing myself to do what I tell myself I should be doing takes extreme mental effort and drains my willpower, I can barely plan anything beyond the immediate moment, my task\\-memory is constantly wiping itself blank while working such that I fuck up basic procedures because it just evaporates from my mind as I go resulting in me unintentionally skipping steps I just read and told myself I have to do merely seconds ago, conversation is difficult for me because I often can't listen for less than a minute before I catch myself wandering and completely forgetting what we were talking about, I myself can barely make a point in a conversation before my own tangential thoughts pull me away or I forget what point I was trying to communicate resulting in a rambling branching logic path that I'm lucky if it circles back around to close, and it's difficult for me to discern what people are tying to tell me because of the prior difficulties and getting distracted mid\\-conversation with the myriad of possibilities of what they could be saying and often forgetting soon after anyway.\n\nSome people have suggested ASD as well but there's a huge overlap with ADHD?\n\nI do fine on reading expressions, tone, empathy, etc. I have problems with volume, masking the tone of my actual mood, and clear concise communication, and sometimes get a strong impulse to talk about something that's caught my attention which can impede my conversational skills by sapping willpower to ignore it. Anxiety in social situations for me is pretty bad. My hobbies and interests jump around a lot, I can do really well in them then often drop them only to cycle through them on an unintentional rotating schedule, but at no point do I have life\\-long obsessions or am very interested in the \"data collection\" type hobbies usually associated with ASD. There may be some motor/coordination issues, disassociation by environmental stimulus, and some repetitive movements \\(but they're not repeating continuously, just things I do more than others over the course of a day like cracking knuckles, stretching my neck, sighing, etc\\).\n\nI got this far before realizing and adding the 3rd line/paragraph. I should do the thing I need to be doing but I know I'm actually about to go get some food and watch a few videos instead despite the fact I've already eaten then check out the amazon package that was just dropped off when I know I don't have time for that and should wait to do that when I get back from work. Then I'll spend the rest of the day mentally kicking myself for being so unproductive with my morning when I knew the entire morning what I should have been doing at every moment I wasn't doing those things I should have been doing.", "answer": "It's never wasting your time with specialists. \n\n\nSelf-diagnosing or asking armchair psychologists to diagnosis you isn't going to help. What would a diagnosis mean to you? That you would begin therapy and consider medication? If that's the case, you should get evaluated. \n\n\nAs a therapist, I would never put stock in diagnosing myself, even though I'm licensed and have close to 10 years experience working in the field. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and take meds for it. If you're concerned that it's ADHD, get checked out and if diagnosed and recommended meds, consider it. I wish I would've done it years earlier. \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nk0xn", "comment_id": "8nk0xn"}, {"question": "I can't stop drinking.", "description": "Monday, 6 am Get up for work, red eyed. Lips are dry, hands are dry. So dehydrated. Resolve not to drink today. Pour a cup of coffee, head to work. \n\n7 am Get to work. Swear I'm going to exercise after work today.\n\n8 am Stretch, get another cup of coffee. Wonder if the pain in my side is a sore, abused liver finally giving up.\n\n9 am Reaffirm to self that I will not drink today. Is it lunch time yet?\n\n10 am Another coffee. Tingle in my arm, hope I haven't drank myself to a stroke at age 36. \n\n11 am I will not drink today. Is it lunch time yet?\n\n12 pm Lunch time \n\n1 pm Back to work. Begin to justify why I need a drink after work.\n\n2 pm Looks at clock, wishes it was 4. Remind myself I promised myself I wouldn't drink today.\n\n3 pm Looks at clock, wishes it was 4. Continue to justify why I need a drink.\n\n4 pm Clock out! Drive home, debating whether or not I deserve a beer.\n\n430 pm Get home.. look at the treadmill, can't do it. Look at the fridge, can't do it.\n\n440 pm Crack open a beer in front of spouse because the weather is nice/the day has been stressful/the kids are already driving me crazy/whatever excuse I need to justify it\n\n530 pm Sneak drinking a beer just in case spouse is counting\n\n6 pm Sneak drinking another beer just in case spouse is counting\n\n630 pm Crack open my \"second beer\"\n\n7 pm Refill cup when spouse isn't looking. I'm between buzzed and drunk now, but think I'm holding it together and fooling everyone. \n\n730 pm Another sneaky refill\n\n8 pm Leave empty cup by sink just in case spouse is counting\n\n830 pm Ask spouse to get me \"one more beer\" from the fridge\n\n9 pm Head upstairs to take a shower. Grab a \"shower beer\"\n\n??? pm Pass out\n\n\n\n\t................\n\n\n\n3 am Wake up in cold sweat. Shame washes over me as I wonder how I got to bed. Desperately try to remember if I picked a fight with my spouse the night before. Try to figure out what day of the week it is, whether or not I have to work. Wonder if my kids are going to bury me early. Resolve not to drink tonight. Swear I'm going to give my body a break. As my heart races, I wonder what it would take to stop. I wonder if I have what it takes. If I'll drink myself to death. I wonder what the poison is doing to my body, how many days, weeks, months, years is the booze taking away from me. Spend 2 hours not really sleeping, just laying there... wishing I could sleep. Wishing I could moderate. Wishing I was normal. Wishing someone knew. Wishing it was easy to stop.\n\nTuesday 6 am Get up for work. Resolve not to drink today. Go to work. Come home. Get drunk.\n\nWednesday 6 am Get up for work. Resolve not to drink today. Go to work. Come home. Get drunk.\n\nThursday, maybe manage not to drink.\n\nFriday 6 am Get up for work. Good think it's the weekend! Start drinking without shame or remorse as early as possible. Pass out early.\n\nSaturday Sleep in til 8 am. Start drinking around noon. Pass out early. Wake up at 3 am Sunday morning. Swear I am going to take Sunday off, give my liver a break.\n\nSunday Sleep in til 8 am. Resolve to make it through the day sober. After all I work tomorrow, and I just spent 2 days drinking copious amounts of beer. I won't drink. I won't drink. Resolve cracks early afternoon. Open a beer by 3 pm. Drunk by 5. Pretend to be sober until I pass out at 745.\n\nNext thing I know, it's 3 am Monday morning and the weekly cycle begins again.", "answer": "Go to a detox facility, then rehab", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "8ee7eb", "comment_id": "8ee7eb"}, {"question": "Farewell Lunch", "description": "Okay so I finished working at my company about 2 weeks ago, but before I left, the director of my department (my boss\u2019s boss - my manager is on mat leave) said I can return my company laptop and keys when they do a lunch for me (but he added \u201cunless I want to leave my stuff that day). He suggested we do the lunch next week and I was allowed to pick a time and place convenient to my schedule. \n\nThe start of next week I sent him an email saying I can do lunch with the company on Friday at \u201csaid restaurant\u201d which was within a walking distance of the office. However he shoots me an email shortly right after saying this week is no good because he\u2019s away this week... Okay no problem we\u2019ll plan for next week.\n\nNext week comes along, I do the same thing but this time to confirm... he doesn\u2019t respond right away but instead sends me an email the next day saying If I\u2019m coming to the 25th Year Celebration event (on the 25 of this month), I could return my stuff then.... \nWell except , I wasn\u2019t ever invited to that plus it kinda cuts into my prior commitments - so I\u2019ll most likely won\u2019t be able to attend...\n\nThe director is kinda cold and has come off as an ass sometimes - which my manager even once said he may seem like he doesn\u2019t care but he does, he\u2019s just really busy. I had other coworkers who were interested in attending my farewell lunch and I also planned to invite my manager since I worked with her a lot during my time there...\n\nDoes this seem right with you guys? What would you do?", "answer": "If I was in this situation, and it seemed like the company had promised something like that but wasn't going to follow through, I'd just invite everyone I wanted to come out. \"Hey, I'm really going to miss everyone. I want to try to get folks together for lunch since I'm on my way out. Who's in?\"", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9l3jae", "comment_id": "9l3jae"}, {"question": "Me [M, 20] Debating whether to get back together with an ex [F, 18]", "description": "We dated for several months in high school, then she broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with a long-distance relationship. Two years later, we've been catching up through a theater production we're both in. We've been texting frequently, she's been laughing at my jokes, and awkward eye contact with one another has been regular. Essentially, she's sending all positive signals. I want to ask her on a date this weekend--but I'm second guessing myself. When she broke up with me it was totally out of the blue and then she started dating a new guy less than a month later. I don't know if I want to give her the power to hurt me like that again. But also, the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that I genuinely love spending time with her. I feel that we've both grown a lot as people, and she seems receptive to a possible relationship. Any advice?\n\nEdit: forgot to mention that she'll be attending the same college as me in the fall, so the distance won't be a problem anymore.", "answer": "Just fucking do it. \n\nIf it makes you feel better, you're allowed to be mad if she dumps you again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6otcj9", "comment_id": "6otcj9"}, {"question": "Large pimple", "description": "Two days ago I discovered a large pimple under the skin on my chin. It was super swollen, and there wasn't a whitehead so I left it alone. Today the white head popped up, so I started popping it. I've been continuing to pop it every few hours, but not a lot comes out every time. The hole is somewhat big, and I'm getting concerned I could get an infection through it. I've been habitually touching it, and who the hell knows what's on my hands. Is this a real possibility? I tend to over think things regarding my health, so it could easily be impossible. What do you think?", "answer": "I'm not a doctor, but this has happened to me about a million times. I always pick at them, and I've never gotten an infection. I suppose it's possible, but I think it's probably unlikely.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7fkmtq", "comment_id": "7fkmtq"}, {"question": "How to not let other people control your mood", "description": "I suffer from depression (currently taking antidepressants and start therapy next week) but I constantly feel like I need to be around people to be happy. Like when I\u2019m alone, I get down and my negative thoughts consume me. How can I find my own inner happiness? I don\u2019t have a lot of friends but I feel like my neediness pushes them away.. any advice much appreciated. ", "answer": "Hi. Just wanted to chime in because it's recognisable for me, and I do have some advice :) It's the advice of **taking control.** Because you are much more powerful than you think. You hold a perception about yourself. You believe something that is making you feel the way you feel. You have the control to take this perception at face value or to not believe it. It sounds very simplistic, right? But this doesn't mean things change overnight (although you might notice a certain difference). It is the start of change. \n\nIt is a difficult journey battling negative self-views. But notice, these negative beliefs are patterns of words, thoughts, that you learned from others. **They are not native to you.** You did not come into this world believing the terrible things about you, as an expression of wonderful life!, that you believe now. Realise that whenever you are feeling shitty it is because you believe something about yourself that is weakening. You are the one making yourself unempowered (as an unconscious habit, but nevertheless). You need to figure out what it is that you believe. It might slip under the radar most of the time, which is where our first step of taking control comes in. We don't simply accept anymore that 'this is how things are'. Our first step is to figure out what it is you believe about yourself. For instance, it might be \"people need to validate me and make me feel that I am worthy/lovable, because it is not something I myself can determine.\" This might be something you learned as a child. Maybe, as an example, you had a parent who needed a lot of your support, and unless you supported them the way they needed, they'd make you feel unimportant or unloved by ignoring you, being mean, not giving you the attention that you deserved, and so on.\n\nIf you walk around with this belief, you hand over the power to others to control how you feel. You look for confirmation of your belief unconsciously, and you see it in things that you don\u2019t even *know*, but that you interpret a certain way. You also see it for real, because you create it, you manifest it, by viewing yourself this way. If you communicate to the world that they control you, the world will accept that view and act on it. If you communicate to the world that you are your own boss, you\u2019re an entrepreneur of feelings and beliefs, the world will have no choice but to accept that view and act on it. \n\nIt is your belief and nothing else that determines the quality of your life. You decide. Red pill or blue pill.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8a35if", "comment_id": "8a35if"}, {"question": "How did you overcome chronic emotional numbness? Inability and lack of desire to develop a connection with others (platonic or romantic)?", "description": "I've been like this for 8 or 9 years now, life is just sort of grey, no joy or anything (except negative emotions like anger and depression, but never positive ones).\n\n I never had much of a social life, let alone a romantic one, and it doesn't even bother me, but that's the problematic part, before the traumatic events I was outgoing and always craved a connection with others, but now I don't feel the need for any of it. Is there a way out?", "answer": "Gave my partner a book about different love languages and make sure I\u2019m doing the best possible within the language I\u2019m using. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9k6o47", "comment_id": "9k6o47"}, {"question": "Since women with PCOS have higher testosterone, are we more prone to getting \"bulky\" when we lift?", "description": "Hey guys! I'm currently at a healthy weight and three months into a lifting program. My trainer assured me it wouldn't really bulk me up, but I started to do research as to *why* it shouldn't bulk me up, and it's because of testosterone! Usually women don't have enough... but do we?? I completely forgot I have PCOS, and I already finished all my personal training sessions so I can't ask my trainer :(", "answer": "My mom has PCOS as well and worked in a commercial kitchen hauling around 25 and 50 lbs of produce, flour and such. She was overweight at the time so you didn\u2019t see it much on her frame but her biceps got *jaked* like she flexed and it was just huge. She took pride in it, Rosie the Riveter style. \n\nI wouldn\u2019t let it dissuade you all together, just keep an eye on it. Maybe do some yoga or Pilates to get that lean look rather than bulky. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7f2vr6", "comment_id": "7f2vr6"}, {"question": "I am (41/m) seriously thinking about divorcing my (38/f) wife. But am having doubts. How do I move forward?", "description": "I'm not happy in my marriage. I'm not going into too much details, but I married my wife on faith that God will make things work, tried to be a sole provider in return for respect and understanding, but now, as an atheist, I remain a provider, but coming home is not a happy experience for me. I feel hopeless and disappointed and disrespected.\n\nHere is my hesitation, in the order of severity:\n\n1. 7yo daughter is going to be devastated. \n\n2. I've never lived alone. I do provide 100% of the income and have been supporting a nice lifestyle, but I haven't done laundry, haven't cooked. I feel like a whimp that still needs a mommy.\nWe married at when I was 22 and she was 19. A very bad mistake, in retrospect, but we have 2 kids (17yo and 7yo) so will always remain connected, somehow.\n\n3. I'm 41, don't look as good as I did in my 20s, have gained about 40lbs since then. This one I can fix easier, but it will take a lot of work.\n\nIn light of the above, what is your recommendation for me? Wife may have mental issues (which she refuses to address). They are not related to harming anyone, but she throws silent tantrums that last weeks. In the past, I was the one who apologized (for wanting to buy something she was against) and we would make some truce, but I'm getting tired of this shit. No more apologizing from me.", "answer": "marriage counseling 3-4 months. what to do next will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vt65f", "comment_id": "6vt65f"}, {"question": "How to get invited to things over the summer?", "description": "So 2mrw is the last day of school, I've only recently started to be more social within the last month, for the first 9 months of school I was so focused on work and getting straight A's. I've made a couple of good friends but with the rest of my friends I'm pretty awkward and rarely speak unless spoken to, so how do I get invited to things?", "answer": "Ask them what they're doing and if it sounds interesting, ask if you can tag along. \n\nThe other way is to start inviting them to do things with you. If you never do this, it's likely they'll either get the impression you don't want to be bothered with them or it's not worth inviting you to do things because you won't reciprocate. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmey3", "comment_id": "8nmey3"}, {"question": "Law of Attraction and OCD", "description": "Does anyone get worried that by focusing so much on these intrusive thoughts and anxiety that we might manifest it in real life. A friend of mine said if I keep thinking about my fears than it can happen because I\u2019m putting that vibration out into the universe ", "answer": "It doesn't work for people wanting to win the lottery, so why's it going to work for you and whatever your fear is?", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "79iiyx", "comment_id": "79iiyx"}, {"question": "What are the symptoms of withdrawing from lorazepam, will they go away, and how can I alleviate them?", "description": "I'm tapering off a small dose of lorazepam at night. It was .5 mg, small pill. I'm now taking half of that for a couple more days, then half of that for a week, then every other day. I tried to quit it one half in, but that was too fast. The problem is, my brain still feels like that 90's sudafed commercial, my head floating away. Is this what normally happens, and is there a way to alleviate it, and will it ever go away? I don't have a support system, and the closest to that is work, which is still work and feeling terrible and having a low filter for what to talk about isn't very job proof.\n\n28, ftm\n189 lbs", "answer": "Addiction psychiatrist here.\n\n0.5mg lorazepam (equivalent to 5mg diazepam) shouldn't cause any significant withdrawal symptoms, though those that have taken it long-term may suffer a psychological adjustment to the idea of reliance without benzodiazepines. In practice you should be fine just stopping it, and to give it time, but what youre doing isnt doing any harm.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5s15fu", "comment_id": "5s15fu"}, {"question": "My mom has a gambling problem and I don't know what to do. . .", "description": "So yesterday my mom lost over $400 to slot machines but it's no surprise to me. This has been going on for over a decade. I'm just so sick of it and I don't know what to do. We're very poor and have always been. We owe 4 months rent right now as well as many other bills. The only reason we haven't been evicted is because my mom scared the landlord with a lawsuit over problems with the apartment. We don't even have food in the fridge half of the time. I just don't understand how my mom can put so much money into a game of chance. I wouldn't care that much if we had the money, but we don't. My family (my bro, my mom, and her bf) have been in this ongoing cycle where we'd become homeless every 3-4 years and end up living in the car or a shady motel. I'm only 19 but i feel like i'm stuck in this situation forever. I want to resolve this but she gets so defensive and angry when I bring up the issue. What can I do?", "answer": "[This FAQ may be of help](http://www.reddit.com/r/problemgambling/wiki/index#wiki_what_can_i_do_for_somebody_i_care_about_with_a_gambling_problem.3F)\n\nShe gets defensive/angry because she is in denial of the problem, still thinks she might be able to gamble her way out of the financial hole. There's probably little you can do to change her situation other than maintain your boundaries, and take care of yourself & brother. You can open the door for your mother to seek help, but you can't push her through it; she needs to take her own steps.\n\n/u/bluequail has given you a lot of helpful advice.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "1mw2o8", "comment_id": "1mw2o8"}, {"question": "Urgent question about Norco/Tramadol After Recent Motorcycle accident", "description": "I was in a motorcycle accident about a month ago. It left me with some broken bones. I was prescribed Tramadol for pain and took about three a day. One week ago I had surgery to screw some bones together and was placed on Norco afterwards. Fast forward to today. It's worth mentioning that I Hardly ever drink and don't have a dependency on either drugs. 3 hours ago I took a Norco and now I'm at a wedding reception where I had a Jack-and-Coke. It didn't occur to me until after the drink that it could be a problem. Am I going to be ok? Can I have a little more to drink? Do I need to find help? Thanks. ", "answer": "You'll live.\n\nBe careful next time - they are potent drugs to those that don't take them regularly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56jqoq", "comment_id": "56jqoq"}, {"question": "Translating cancer jargon for my dad - help?", "description": "Age: 65\nSex: Male\nHeight: 5\u201910\u201d\nWeight: 200lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 1 Month\nLocation: Upstate NY\n\n**PLEASE NOTE: I'M GOING INTO THIS ALREADY KNOWING THE DIAGNOSIS.**\n\nMy dad has cancer. This part we know. However, he just went in for a PET Scan and got a hell of a line of jargon thrown at him as \"results\", and we have no idea what the hell it means. He's 65, around 220lbs, and has small tumors in his neck and near his lungs (hopefully that's enough on the description).\n\nHere's what we need translated:\n\n**\"Hypermetabolic primary tumor of the right oropharynx with ipsilateral metastatic level 2 node. No suspicious distant metastatis.\"**\n\nAny help would be greatly appreciated here.", "answer": "Hypermetabolic primary tumor of the right oropharynx with ipsilateral metastatic level 2 node. No suspicious distant metastatis.\n\nHypermetabolic means it\u2019s more active than normal tissue. Mostly of interest to oncologists.\n\nOropharynx is part of the throat, so the primary or main tumor is a throat tumor.\n\nIpsilateral means same side. This says that there\u2019s a level 2 lymph node (giving the location) that shows metastasis. The tumor has spread through the lymphatic system a short distance.\n\nNo distant metastasis means it hasn\u2019t spread farther. This imaging isn\u2019t showing tumor in lungs. That\u2019s a good thing!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cl47fl", "comment_id": "cl47fl"}, {"question": "Sexually unfulfilled, feeling trapped. Considering divorce.", "description": "Throw away account. I\u2019m a 31, female, and I\u2019ve been married to my husband for four years. We\u2019ve been together for 8 years. No kids; own a condo. I\u2019m in a pickle and I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m considering divorce because I feel I\u2019ve hit a wall. \n\nI care about my husband a great deal. He\u2019s a good person and he\u2019s smart and funny. He cares about me and is invested in the marriage. The problem for me is my attraction to him and our sex life. The sex has always been a problem. He\u2019s obese and has always been overweight. I\u2019m not. It is uncomfortable for me and I bleed. I am not turned on by him or excited to be intimate. In fact, I avoid it. I dread it. I've cried during it.\n\nLeading up to our engagement he had been a regular at the gym for many months, had reduced his beer consumption a great deal and he was cultivating healthier habits. He was losing a lot of weight and looked great. I told him I was proud of him and encouraged him with positive feedback. After our engagement, he stopped going to the gym and has gained back all (if not more of) the weight. He has fallen into his old habits: drinking a lot and poor portion control. I\u2019ve encouraged him to change these habits. Thankfully, he did quit smoking cigarettes--for which I had encouraged him and praised him for--but he smokes weed almost on a daily basis. I\u2019ve tried to encourage him to get back to the gym (go with me, I\u2019ll say), I\u2019ve encouraged him to cut back on the beer consumption and to watch his calorie intake. No dice. He constantly has the intention of losing weight, but doesn\u2019t do anything about it. I told him it\u2019s not about being skinny, it\u2019s about being healthy. It\u2019s gotten to the point, I feel, where my \u201cencouragement\u201d has turned to nagging.\n\nOwning a house, I felt it was important to have life insurance. I was approved for life insurance and he was not approved because of his weight. At that point, I basically forced his hand and said that he needed to see a nutritionist. I feel resentful. He led me to think, leading up to being engaged, that he was on track with his life and making good, healthy choices about his weight only to stop and return to old habits. He saw a nutritionist for a few months and now, he has stopped going. He still doesn\u2019t have life insurance. This makes me feel that I\u2019m financially fucked if he has a heart attack, aneurysm, or stroke and dies. He\u2019s covered financially if I die. I\u2019m not. \n\nNo, he\u2019s not depressed or dealing with mental illness. He has been overweight his entire life. I\u2019ve come to think he\u2019s happy with being overweight. He\u2019s said, \u201cAll the skinny people in my family are assholes.\u201d Part of his identity, he\u2019s said, is being a \u201cfluffy guy\u201d. I mean, if he\u2019s happy about being that way, then I really shouldn\u2019t encourage him to change himself...I guess?\n\nBack to the sex part. He\u2019s never gotten me off with oral (I\u2019ve never gotten off from it--by anyone). He\u2019s not very skilled when it comes to sex. Hell, maybe I\u2019m not either. We both never really slept around very much in our college days, but I have no problem pleasing him sexually (he says as much. In fact, he loves having sex with me). Sex with him is painful and, frankly, boring. I am able to get myself to climax through masturbation with no problem at all. It\u2019s gotten to the point where I\u2019ll just masturbate and not even want him to participate because it\u2019s just easier for me to do it myself. I\u2019ve tried communicating to him about what I like, to no avail. I thought I was asexual during the years we dated because I just wasn\u2019t interested in having sex. Now that I\u2019m 31, I\u2019m realizing I just never had *good* sex so I was never able to really explore and figure myself out. To top this all off, I\u2019ve come to realize that I\u2019d like to have sex with women. I\u2019m not gay, but I believe sexuality is on a spectrum and it\u2019s a desire I have, but he is not comfortable with me doing that. I\u2019m feeling resentful because he says he\u2019s sexually satisfied. He climaxes just about every single time we\u2019re intimate. I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t even climax half the time. It got to the point where, several years ago, I suggested we see a sex therapist--or some kind of professional to help us out. He refused and said they would only tell us to have sex on a more frequent basis. Only this past winter did he finally agree when I was at my wit\u2019s end and had nagged him enough about it that he felt our marriage was enough on the rocks and he finally agreed to go.\n\nThe counseling isn\u2019t helping our sex life. My husband says that I need to change my attitude and that we just need to keep communicating and working on it. I\u2019m tired. I feel having been a nag about so many things, and his unwillingness (or lack of desire) to work on his health, has impacted my attraction to him. I don\u2019t like to nag, I don\u2019t like being that person. I suggested opening up the marriage and he doesn\u2019t want to do that. He just says we need to keep working on things. Keep working on things means that I am continuing to be sexually unfulfilled while he is sexually fulfilled. \n\nI feel the way I have come to view him is that of a friend. I care about him, but I don\u2019t have the desire to be intimate with him. And isn\u2019t that the only line that distinguishes a friend from a lover: someone you want to fuck vs. not? I don\u2019t want to hurt him, but I feel trapped. And if you don\u2019t want to fuck your spouse, then what the hell are you doing? \n\nTL;DR--been married for 4 years, together for 8. Not attracted to obese husband. No sex life, sexually unfulfilled despite several routes taken including counseling. Considering divorce. \n\nThank you for any thoughts you might have.\n\nEdit: Can someone explain why this was downvoted to zero points? Am I missing something? I'm obviously not here to collect karma points, but to get thoughts and suggestions from others, but I'm just confused. Is this not the right sub for this question/situation...or what?", "answer": "Sounds like you've thought it through and come to a reasonable conclusion. He's not going to change.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vsdv2", "comment_id": "6vsdv2"}, {"question": "Ongoing Double Vision- Anxiety Related? Brain Cancer? Death Imminent? [LONG]", "description": "Age- 22\nSex- M\nHeight- 5'9\" (175cm)\nWeight 200lbs (91kg)\nRace- Multiracial\nDuration of complaint- 1 Year\nLocation (Geographic and on body)- Eastern U.S, Eyes/ Head\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any)- Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder\nCurrent medications (if any)- None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)- None\n\nHey Internet,\n\nFirst off, I'll concede fully that I know getting medical help over the internet isn't necessarily a good idea and that I should probably just go to a doctor but I'm afraid of what they'll tell me.\n\nSometime last year, I noticed I was having double vision. I was hungover, typing something, and it didn't go away. I more or less spent the next month constantly panicked, worried I'd developed some kind of neurological disease. I eventually went to the best neuro opthalmologist in my state (Last February), and his words fell along the lines of \"I can't see anything wrong with your eyes.\" What the fuck does he know, right?\n\nAnyways, it never really went away and I'm sweating in my desk at work now certain I have glioblastoma or something and I'll fall dead on the train tracks before I get squished into meat paste. Within the past week or so, the \"ghost image\" I've been seeing feels like its translating to stuff I touch- like two pieces of gum next to each other in my mouth or two thumbs on my phone when I'm scrolling. Like there's two of my body next to each other.\n\nAlso my eyes are really dry, and my right eye twitches often.\n\nI have a lot of stressors/ work tasks I can't really move around so if this is anxiety gone wild idfk how I'll deal with it.\n\nHelp a brother out, I guess?", "answer": "Did you have an MRI done? CT?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "asb02e", "comment_id": "asb02e"}, {"question": "I want to be social but can\u2019t put in the energy.", "description": "Basically , the title describes it. I am going through some depression and anxiety , and on antidepressants. I want to have a close relationship with my friends - but I feel I don\u2019t have the energy to put in the effort. And the few often times I do put in an effort, I feel I come across as needy or because I\u2019m not consistent, my efforts don\u2019t entirely work. I am forever stuck in this cycle between wanting to have good friends , doing a bit about it and then getting disappointed in myself. What do I do?? ", "answer": "Some folks find scheduling things to be really helpful, even phone calls. This day/time (when it's naturally convenient for you) I'm going to call or text to touch base with friends. Try your best not to deviate from it. \n\n\nTry to set plans in advance and don't cancel. Some people love constantly trying to meet up with friends and do things spur of the moment, others need scheduling. Figure out which suits you best and act accordingly whenever possible. \n\n\nAlways remember, all good friendships start out as very superficial acquaintances. If you're someone who has a hard time dealing with this, just know you have to push through for some time and not expect those returns you get from long lasting deeper friendships. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pcgbb", "comment_id": "8pcgbb"}, {"question": "How to learn what moves/motivates people?", "description": "Hey guys. How are you?\n\n\nI am trying to get new friends and I have a few acquaintances, from the gym for example, who I would really like to become closer. There is one person who I think we would be great friends, I have known him for a few months. But, still I can't make a friend of him nor talk too much of things outside gym stuff or college stuff (we go to the same college). I have tried inquiring a bit on why he has chosen the specific career to try and see what moves him, but he just said that he picked it because of the job opportunities. I would really like to know what moves people so I can have a stronger base on what to talk and see if we share some more interests. What are some good ways? I don't know about just asking, I would like it to flow more naturally.\n\n\nThanks a lot for taking the time to read.\n\n\n\n\nSincerely,\n\n\nMarcos", "answer": "Asking is the best way and the most natural!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m5i04", "comment_id": "6m5i04"}, {"question": "Im [20/f] and my Mother has terminal cancer, sister [17/f] is quite severely autistic and father [50/m] is abusive. What on earth do I do?", "description": "My mother has been suffering from cancer for the past year and has recently begun felling hopeless and thinking about giving up because she feels like she doesnt have enough support from us (mostly my father). My father treats us all like slaves, and even expects my dying mother to still make him food and clean the house, and he also expects the same from me and my sister. If we ever tell him to do something to help he becomes abusive and leaves the house. If we dont do what he wants he clears out the food from the kitchen and keeps it all for himself leaving us with nothing. Im 20 years old so i can leave at anytime, and my dad has no legal obligation to care for me, but my sister is 17 and severely autistic. She has trouble interacting with almost everyone and cant spend time away from home (she has 4 therapy dogs that keep her company). I dont think we have any family that would be willing to take care of her when my mother passes on, so i feel like i will have to stay with her and my dad to take care of her. I feel trapped in this situation and dont see any way out of it. What can I do?", "answer": "Please consult with autism social service agencies in your area.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6td8zo", "comment_id": "6td8zo"}, {"question": "Are you a woman with borderline personality disorder who would be interested in sharing your story for an article?", "description": "What is it like living with borderline personality disorder? HelloGiggles is looking for women to share their firsthand experiences in a paragraph or two for an article that we hope will help spread awareness. If you are interested in contributing and comfortable with including your first name (I can always make up a fake name), age, and location (just state if you're in the US), please contact me and I can send you more information privately. Thank you very much in advance!", "answer": "Just curious, why just women? Why not males as well? ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8jv9uo", "comment_id": "8jv9uo"}, {"question": "how do low income folks afford therapy? should i spend my savings?", "description": "i'm not in debt (yet), late 20s living in north america... no insurance for psych stuff... but i am leaning to therapy as a possible last resort- depression is kind of crushing me. Good idea? Bad idea? Waste of time? \nNothing else I've tried seems to do the trick- meds (prescribed by general doctor, group CBT/DBT, change of jobs, etc.) I'm pretty lost, reddit. ", "answer": "Masters level mental health counselor here: Some places offer sliding scale, or see if a local university which offers graduate programs in counseling provides community services. All masters students have to get a certain number of practice hours before they graduate; it will still be quality counseling, people just need the experience, so they'll give it for free or cheap!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3jb66g", "comment_id": "3jb66g"}, {"question": "My girlfriends response to one of her male friends asking about her relationship", "description": "So I've been in a relationship for about four months with this girl, and a couple days back when we were laying together I happened to notice a message from one of her friends whose a guy ask how the dating is going. (Who I know had a fling with her a year back) Her repsonse to him was: sorta kinda, we've been talking for a while.\nShe then proceeded to tell him her parents liked him more than I. \nAm I just an overthinking POS?", "answer": "If you think you've been in a relationship with her for four months and she thinks \" sort of Kinda we've been talking for a while \", then there's a big disconnect here", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swr05", "comment_id": "5swr05"}, {"question": "Not sure what to do hug gone wrong and rejection", "description": "The only therapist I have had and after a misunderstanding I asked for a hug and he just asked are you sure you will be ok with it and it really was not a hug at all. He put his arms around me but it was like he made a circle around me with his arms and I would not count or say it was a hug at all. I felt I needed it to reconnect like all was ok again but I think he was very uncomfortable with it and now I wish he had just said no.\n\nFast forward two session later which was today. (I put a new post up about it). I was talking about how I wish he could comfort me and make the hurt go away and I wish he could just hug me. He said with a very firm and seemed semi scared voice, \"I will not be going over there to hug you.\" I am wondering if it was because he is just freaked out by hugging a patient in general. I feel bad and wish I had never said that nor asked for a hug two weeks ago when I almost stopped seeing him. I wish he had simply said no.\nCoincidentally it was after he did this chair activity where I talked to my mom. I told \"her\" how she never protected me, comforted me and how she never hugged me and when I would reach up to her she would ignore me and turn away. She would not hug me nor provide nurturing contact so his comment really stung.\n\nDo I dare bring this up in my next session. I have so many awful feelings about what happened: shame, guilt, rejection and I feel like I did something (initially asking for a hug and the non hug hug like I was doing something wrong to him.\nWhat do I do? I am so confused?", "answer": "It\u2019s not you it\u2019s him. Idk if you\u2019re male, female, or nonbinary, but any of those options can be part of it. A lot of therapists don\u2019t do physical contact because they don\u2019t want any ethical or legal issues. If you\u2019re a female or nonbinary he might have that fear that it could lead to some kind of ethical/legal violation. If you\u2019re a male, female, or nonbinary he might be weird about hugging because of his own stuff regarding hugging someone outside of his family or someone of the same sex (if male). Perhaps he\u2019s got some past trauma that makes him uncomfortable with hugging or physical touch (therapists have their own stuff too). That\u2019s more about him than you whatever the reason. Some people aren\u2019t huggers and in the therapist role may be even more uncomfortable with it. Hugging in general is always a consent based thing just like any physical contact. It\u2019s ok for people to say no and we just have to accept that they have their reasons for why. That being said he didn\u2019t handle it in the best way. The comment about \u201cI\u2019m not coming over there to hug you\u201d seems pretty harsh and could definitely have been done differently. He should have reflected your emotions and the need for a hug due to not having hugs from your mom when you needed them. Then he could have gone deeper with how that still affects you now. I\u2019m sorry this has been so hard on you and I feel for you needing the warm contact of a hug in those moments. It may be something to talk about with him and explore how you felt with him and how it felt with your mom or others in your life. If he is a jerk about it or doesn\u2019t handle it in a way that is helpful for you it might be time to seek out someone new who is able/more comfortable in giving you a hug that feels helpful (not awkward) when you ask for one.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "falqev", "comment_id": "falqev"}, {"question": "Should I take a class that has a lot of public speaking despite being bad at it.", "description": "I've always been bad at presenting in front of others. It has gotten better, the last presentation I did my voice shoke and I stumbled on some words, but it's better than years ago when I nearly cried in front of class and couldn't get a word out.\n\nFor my new class a presentation is required nearly every week, but if I take it online I won't have to present in front of class.\n\nI'm thinking about choosing the in-class, as I want to get better at presenting, but I'm not sure if it will actually help.\n\nSorry kind of long, but if anyone has experience or know something then advice is appreciated.", "answer": "The point of a class is to learn. I think it would really benefit you if you took it in person - the best way to get better at these things is to practice until it feels \"normal\" to do it. \n\nAlso pro-tip: fake it till you make it. Pretend to be someone who is confident, and you will look confident even if you screw up. Big-name politicians and public speakers misspeak sometimes too. And nobody will be thinking about your presentation 5 minutes after you're done, they'll mostly be concerned with their own presentations anyway. You got this!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eovnqe", "comment_id": "eovnqe"}, {"question": "Kick Start Sunday", "description": "\n# Let's Make A Plan!\n\nThis week's Kick Start Sunday is brought to you by the letters 'ADHD'.\n\n---\n\n> \"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,\" the Queen remarked.\n>\n> *\u2014 Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass*\n\n---\n\n**Some advice to start with:**\n\n* Keep it simple and short. We're trying to get stuff done, not have a lot to get done.\n\n* Prioritize your list\n\n* Plan some reward time for yourself when you get tasks done.\n\n* There are some things that you're good at off your medicine and some things you can only do on them. If you can identify them you can plan to do them at the easiest time for you.\n\n---\n\n**Examples from previous weeks:**\n\n* Order new shoes. \n\n* Survive through finals.\n\n* Cook and eat at least two meals a day... *every* day of the week. \n\n* Work on coping strategies X minutes a day.\n\n* Spend meaningful one on one time with each child. \n\n* Get ready and *leave the house* for *any* reason.\n\n---\n\n## Other Weekly Threads\n\n**Join us for our other exciting weekly threads!**\n\n*[Win Wednesday](http://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/search?q=flair%3A%27ww%27&sort=new&restrict_sr=on)* - Come together and celebrate our accomplishments!\n\n*[Finish It Friday](http://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/search?q=flair%3A%27ff%27&sort=new&restrict_sr=on)* - Get one more thing done before the weekend!\n\n---------------------------------------------\n\n**TL;DR: Make a plan today, come brag about getting it done on Wednesday, or finish it on Friday.**\n", "answer": " * ~~Order a few necessities from Amazon~~\n * Dishes\n * Laundry (mine + hers)\n * 5 days of exercise\n * Duolingo streak to 12 days on Friday\n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7wsgnq", "comment_id": "7wsgnq"}, {"question": "[help] Does anyone here have any experience of EMDR?", "description": "Someone suggested that I try it but as its not on the NHS I feel like I need to know more before I pursue it. So anyone? Any experiences or useful nuggets of information?", "answer": "It's essentially exposure therapy and some other tried & true therapeutic techniques with extra (unscientific) stuff tossed in to make it seem fancy. It has some research evidence to show that it works, however it is not for the reason they claim.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1d8spv", "comment_id": "1d8spv"}, {"question": "I'm [21/f] feeling emotionally manipulated by boyfriend [22/m] because of isolation", "description": "Hi everyone,\nSo my boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. Both in college, and the relationship used to be going well. We would hang out once in a while, we were friendly, and used to do fun things together.\nAnd then as the months progressed, he became increasingly more emotionally unstable. He cut himself, a lot of times in front of me. He dealt with depression, but refused to seek help for it. He also began to complain anytime that I had plans because that would be \"less time with him.\"\nI'm on a dance team and he even wished I wouldn't get into any competitions because then I'd have more time with him. I've asked him for space, and he makes an effort to try and give me a couple hours everyday. However, he mocks me for it all the time and makes light of many things he says like \"is this supportive like you want\" and things like that. \n\nHe also used to check through my phone to make sure I didn't text anyone without him knowing, or make any plans without him knowing. I've felt increasingly isolated and had more anxiety as a result, which I already suffered from. I know I have to leave, but I can see why abusive relationships are so hard to leave. You are somehow incapable of thinking you are ok being on your own, and that scares me. I still have somewhere in the back of the head saying I deserve better. Yet this feeling that I can't handle my life without him overwhelms me. Again, sure sign that I need help.\n\nTherapists haven't helped in the past, and any of them at my school haven't helped me overcome it. Any thoughts? \n", "answer": "you deserve better. the most important thing any young adult should learn is how to be happy alone. if you're happy alone, then you become very selective about who you date, because if it doesn't work, you can go back to being happy alone. if you're starving, macdonald's tastes pretty good! if you're not starving, you can be more patient about finding the best. this fellow has emotional problems. if therapy didn't help, he either went to a bad therapist, or he didn't work at it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ma6q9", "comment_id": "5ma6q9"}, {"question": "Am I [f-35] overreacting bc of my depression? Is he [m-39] being unsupportive, or is this normal?", "description": "tl;dr:I have depression and have been feeling suicidal. My boyfriend didn't check in to see how I am doing. Am I overreacting? Am I maybe just letting the depression cloud my judgement?\n\n\nHi there. I\u2019m at a really low point with my clinical depression, and therefore, I am having a hard time knowing if what I think and feel is rational, or if I am overreacting.\n\n\nI would really be so thankful if you could read the situation and tell me if I am just letting the depression cloud my judgement.\nThis might seem like a petty question\u2026 but I feel like I\u2019m on the verge of breaking up with him over it\u2026. so please just answer with compassion if you can.\n\n\nMy depression is out of control lately (I\u2019m going to see my psychiatrist next week to get it addressed because I have been very suicidal), and I think my boyfriend is losing interest in me. I don\u2019t know for sure, though. I can\u2019t tell if I am only interpreting things negatively because I am looking at situations from a dark perspective.\n\n\nYesterday, I told him my depression is worsening. I told him I was feeling suicidal this weekend. We work in the same office, and he saw that all day long I was in a low mood. I even had a crying attack during lunch with him, and I couldn\u2019t stop crying. \n\nHe came and kissed me goodbye before he left the office for the day. I was feeling absolutely awful when I got home, so bad that I just went in my bed with my dog and couldn\u2019t stop crying (for basically no reason) for a few hours. I wanted to text him, but I didn\u2019t want to seem clingy or overemotional\u2026 and plus, the effort required to pick up my phone and text just seemed like too arduous an undertaking. (Anyone with severe clinical depression will understand how just getting out of bed to grab the phone and write a text can feel like climbing the Himalayas.)\n\n\nI was hoping that he would reach out and text me, just to see how I was doing. Because after all, I had told him how bad the depression was. However, he never contacted me last night.\nFinally, around midnight, I mustered the motivation to get out of bed to text him and say \u201cI love you, I hope you had a good night.\u201d He usually goes to bed around 11, so I knew he wouldn\u2019t get back to me until morning.\n\n\nHe did get back to me around 7:30 am just to say his night was fine and \u201cI love you.\u201d But what kills me (and here\u2019s where I don\u2019t know if I am overreacting) is this: I saw that on his Youtube username, he made several posts between 6:45 - 7:30 am. So he woke up, wrote long posts to strangers \u2026 and then thought: Oh, let me now write a quick 8-word text to my girlfriend, who is suicidal.\n\n\nThat is how I am interpreting the situation. I don\u2019t know if I am overreacting, but this makes me feel like shit. He was busy last night because he has his cousin in town, but it hurts me that he couldn\u2019t spend even 45 seconds to check in.\n\n\n(Just fyi: We have been together for 3 years, we are in our mid 30s, he has told me he wants to be with me long-term \u2014 so this hasn\u2019t been some casual fling.)\n\n\nI know it\u2019s annoying for people without depression to deal with a depressed person. I think I sense him getting annoyed\u2026 but I just don\u2019t know if maybe I am overacting because I feel so low.\n\nAm I overreacting? Am I just letting the depression color my view in a negative way? Or should I be worried that he is losing interest?", "answer": "he should always check in if you're depressed and suicidal. please go to the hospital now if you're having suicidal thoughts.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vkqv2", "comment_id": "5vkqv2"}, {"question": "What can I do instead of go to the hospital?", "description": "I've struggled with depressive episodes for several years and chronic anxiety my whole life. I'm in the midst of a pretty bad bout right now, and the fact that I'm working constantly, struggling with my relationship, and in the middle of a move doesn't help. I am working-til-bedtime-every-night, shower-during-my-lunch-break busy. The thought keeps popping up that I just really want to go to the hospital; even half-wishing that I'd get sick or injured so that I could go and be allowed to \"escape.\" I know I can't actually do that as I (thankfully) am not currently a danger to myself or others, but I'm just frantic and defeated and know that I won't get to rest for another month still. If anyone has tips on resources or self-care that doesn't actually require setting time aside, I'd really appreciate it.", "answer": "[Might be useful?](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/self-help-therapies.aspx)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4zduez", "comment_id": "4zduez"}, {"question": "I say \u201cOi\u201d a lot as an expression and don\u2019t like swearing. What are some words I can use instead of \u201cOi\u201d to act surprised, mad, or impressed?", "description": "Edit: I\u2019m American so I have no reason to say \u201cOi\u201d", "answer": "Rats!\n\nEgads!\n\nWell butter my butt and call me a biscuit!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "cxa6o7", "comment_id": "cxa6o7"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "If you're in the United States, (this varies very slightly depending on which state you're in)\n\n\nEverything you say in the therapist's office is kept confidential. There are just a few exceptions. If you tell them you are going to hurt/kill yourself or someone else, that confidentiality is broken to see if you need a higher level of care. Any information about a child who is being abused or neglected must be reported. Some of the information you share may be shared with the clinicians supervisor in order to help them better work with you. Other than those things, everything else is kept confidential unless you sign a release stating what information can be shared with which particular person. \n\n\nThat's basically the info I give to every client I work with in the first session. Something important to consider though is that this info pertains to adults only. If you are a minor, therapists are able to share information with parents at their own discretion. Different states have different ages for this though. For instance in PA where I practice, the age of consent for mental health services is 14. That means anyone 14 or older is essentially given all the same rights as an adult.\n\n\nEarlier in my career I've worked with clients who were former gang members and some individuals who would tell me stories that if I broke confidentiality and shared, could very possible lead to very loooooooooong sentences. Since they didn't appear to be currently a danger to themselves or others, and didn't involve children, it wasn't reportable. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "a6wkgp"}, {"question": "Hepatitis results - what does it mean?", "description": "Female\n\n5'7\n\n220 pounds\n\nCaucasian Canadian \n\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI recently went in to get STI/STD testing. The following results came back and I'm waiting for the clinic to open to go talk to someone perhaps but hoping for a little insight to avoid worrying. \n\n\n**Hepatitis B Immunity -** Hepatitis B Surface Ab \\[HBsAb\\] \n**Results: 6.4** \n\n\n**Hepatitis B -** Hepatitis B Surface Ag \\[HBsAg\\] \n**Results: NOT DETECTED** \n\n\n**Hepatitis C -** Hepatitis C Ab \n**Results: NOT DETECTED** \n\n\nDoes this means I don't have it, but am immune to it? I've been trying to look up what the 6.4 means but haven't been having much luck in fully understanding. \n\n\nThanks! :) \n", "answer": "HbSAb indicates immunity, usually from immunization. A level of 6.4 is not a strong indicator of immunity, though. It might be worth rechecking and possibly re-vaccinating.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pj1jo", "comment_id": "9pj1jo"}, {"question": "My friends HATE an ex, and I am considering getting back with her. What do?", "description": "So I met this party girl, heavy drinking, lying, super promiscuous. My dumb ass thinks it a good idea to get into a relationship. Nine months later, as expected it crashes and burns. \n\nTwo months no contact. Recently made up and there is a possibility of maybe getting back together. I really feel she has changed in huge ways from her old lifestyle, but I could just be a dumbass. Added difficulty: ALL my friends hate her with a passion. Hers hate me as well. Is there any chance this could work? \n\nFriends answers are biased, please help me out reddit. Thank You.\n\n**edit** Thanks everyone for the advice. I knew you all would not let me down. Many thanks to reddit for giving me a kick in the ass when i need it. What the fuck was i thinking?", "answer": "In my experience, I could date a serial killer and my guy friends wouldn't give a rat's red behind. If a bunch of dudes don't like someone, chances are nearly 100% that person is a complete idiot.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "nxkko", "comment_id": "nxkko"}, {"question": "I'm replacing weed with alcohol and that is not good", "description": "When I am in Boston for my last semester of school, I literally do not know what to do with myself on the weekends. During the week\nI get out of the house and am so busy so smoking temptations are not present. On the weekend, I have nothing to occupy my time, and I am drinking more. The temptation to smoke is so much higher as well.\n\nAny tips for surviving the weekends? Today is day 6. I'm gonna head back to bed for a nap and hopefully when j wake up I will be motivated to do stuff. \n\nUPDATE: Day 7 without weed, day 1 without alcohol. I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this weekend, but I am feeling so much better about myself. Going to read a book before bed, give myself some relaxing time before I go to sleep. I feel absolutely amazing at the end of a hard weekend.", "answer": "You can't just expect to remove a large part of your life that involved habit and self comfort, without having a replacement. Something healthy. Friends, family, a relationship, sports or gym or exercise, etc... Something to occupy your time", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "42b65f", "comment_id": "42b65f"}, {"question": "Nearly choked out the office with smoke at lunch today", "description": "Backstory:\nI took my last pill yesterday and couldn't refill my prescription that afternoon because my discount card expired, so today I'm unmedicated. The past 8 weeks straight have been intensely stressful with a project at work that goes live tomorrow night, so I'm pretty exhausted.\n\n\nSo after spending the morning meeting and running some finalizing tests, I used part of my lunch break to run to my doctor's office to pick up a new discount card so I could refill my prescription this afternoon. With I got back I figured I'd just make the ramen I brought in real quick and continue working while eating.\n\nI get into the break room, and first thing I have to do is wash my bowl because I didn't get to it yesterday. So I wash and dry it, thinking through all the steps I need to do, and then open the package and break up the noodles into the bowl. I then move my stuff over by the microwave, and start heading up the food. \n\nI'm just sitting there by the microwave while it runs, looking at my phone. A coworker comes in and makes themselves a bowl of cereal and walks out. I then start smelling smoke and at first think it was her since she's a smoker, but then look over to the microwave and panic. I stop it and open the door, where a huge cloud of smoke comes out.\n\nI forgot to fill it with water.\n\nThe room quickly fills with smoke and the smell of charred ramen, and partially into the corporate area (the break room is down a hallway along with the single-occupant bathrooms, connecting the warehouse and corporate). I their the now melting bowl into the sink and run the water on it, close the door for corporate and open the door for the warehouse, and turn on the bathroom fans.\n\nThe office as well as my clothes still have a lingering burning smell, though it's died down from \"volcanic ash hole\" to \"marshmallow burnt in a campfire\".\n\n\nHow's your day been?", "answer": "Don\u2019t feel too bad, I set the landscaping at my office on fire once. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ah2int", "comment_id": "ah2int"}, {"question": "Im 16 in highschool, and i cannot do homework.", "description": "All through out my highschool Ive never done work outside of school. It usually works itself out, as IMO, I'm intelligent and able to just crank it out in class. But today, a 100+ point project is do. We've had well over a month to work on it, and I haven't even looked at it. We got 0 time to work on it in class otherwise it would be done. I just can't motivate myself to get off my pc/Xbox/phone and get to work. I'm annoyed because I have an A in every class but this one,(English) not do to misunderstanding, English is ez but the teacher loves outside work. The project is on a book(the book thief) I don't even own the book. I know I did this to myself. And I deserve what happens. If anyone has anything that may help in the future, I'd deeply appreciate it.\n\nTL;DR I didn't do my work, and typing it out helps me put things in perspective. Also I want advice.\n\nEDIT: (Added a TL;DR)It is now later in the day, about 10pm for me, and I'm half way done with the project, turns out it was easy. Sort of a slap in the face, but whatever. I will finish it and ask for half credit. Wish me luck. Still happy to accept advice.", "answer": "I struggled with that too and realized that I was not focusing on starting a project but finishing it. That can make it feel very overwhelming and would lead me to procrastination or what is called \"Paralysis of Will\". Instead I focused on spending 20 minutes on the assignment a day...whether it is reading or doing an outline etc. It was less overwhelming at that point and I knew that I could get back to \"Fun\" in just 20 minutes. I know this may not help you now but could be useful in the future", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "61rkcq", "comment_id": "61rkcq"}, {"question": "Spam alert", "description": "Hi everyone! \n\n/r/socialskills has been getting a significant influx of blatant spam posts recently, so I wanted to give everyone a quick reminder to use your report buttons! While your mod team does our best to proactively remove spam, the Reddit hive mind is always going to do a better job than any individual moderator at quickly spotting spam. \n\nSo please do report spammers (or other inappropriate posts) when you see them -- it goes a long way towards helping us keep /r/socialskills safe for everyone to use. [Thanks guys](http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/db/db86a8137f9d2060ddab966c4b911c2cf1479604ef4769e9408adadef75e987e.jpg)!", "answer": "I'll leave this stickied for the rest of the day and will unsticky it tonight.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5pxqnk", "comment_id": "5pxqnk"}, {"question": "My(25 F) fiance(26 M) cheated on me. And is it natural to be traumatized?", "description": "My ex-fiance was hooking up through bumble, Ok Cupid, Tinder, etc. And he had sex with some girls and was talking to dozens of girls via those dating apps. Also he got phone number of maybe 10 - 15 girls. He was arranging more dates and flirting to those girls to have one night sex.\n\nAs everybody expects, we broke up in a really bad way.\n\nI usually didn't really mind other people having one night, hookup or cheating experiences because it didn't really affect me. Buy one day I was watching the movie 'Knocked up' - which is about one night sex and the girl got pregnant accidently. I suddenly felt SERIOUSLY disgusted and couldn't finish the movie.\nI also feel very disgusted when I read stories about cheatings here on Reddit... I wanna shout F words to those all cheaters.\n\nSince then, I feel like shit and disgusted, whenever I hear anything about affairs similar to what my ex did. Is it natural? Can I ever get it over? :( \n\n\n*TL;DR* I feel disgusted when seeing cheating or one night sex after being cheated on by my ex. Is it natural? ", "answer": "YES", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76zcli", "comment_id": "76zcli"}, {"question": "[25/unsure about gender?] Trouble making friends", "description": "Hi r/relationship_advice. First time posting here, still really new to reddit in general (3 weeks-ish). I'll try to keep this short.\n\n2016 absolutely wrecked me. I feel like I went from having it all to having basically nothing (and I've been homeless before. 2014 still wasn't this bad in comparison). A relationship of mine [19/F] became untenable after a year back in April, because I realized the person did not appreciate anything I did for them and they would rather yell at me when other people fell through instead of accepting my advice and help. I learned in the process that it is not a good idea to date someone who you act as a mentor figure towards.\n\nThat person then proceeded to spread lies about me on social media, yes, *that* familiar story. That would have been easy to deal with because the Internet is not my life, but I had to move shortly after that. Twice. In three months. Fairweather friends fell through, and long-time friends became distant. The online rumor mill got worse, and, long story short, I cannot go back to the websites on which I once had many friends.\n\nAnd, not that I ever really had any \"friends\" through my job, but I was also fired from my job of 7 years (for reasons I will not disclose) back in October. I got a new job two weeks later, but it's a completely different environment--I went from retail to Chipotle. I get along with my coworkers, but it feels like they have a social circle I can't get into for whatever reason.\n\nI have lived in this current position since August. The only upside to my social life is that I have a new girlfriend [20/F], someone who has remained my only regular-contact friend throughout everything. But at my age, I know it is unhealthy for a relationship when one partner has nobody else to talk to.\n\nI'm an outgoing person, really. But after the barrage of hits to my life over the past year, I'm kind of in a daze, and lately I find myself feeling heartbroken, even though I do have a loving girlfriend. It's unfamiliar to me to be in a position where I can honestly say I have no friends. I don't have a lot of money, so I can't really go out to bars, or anything like that. I kind of just... go to work, go home, and on off days, I go to the store and then go home.\n\n**tl;dr 2016 wrecked my social life. Outgoing person with no money, no car, new job, and no friends. Sad! What do?**", "answer": "have you checked out meetup.com ? a great way to meet people and pursue interests.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oez0k", "comment_id": "5oez0k"}, {"question": "Looking for a therapist/physiologist", "description": "Hi there everyone! My girlfriend and I are both looking to find a therapist or physiologist (not really sure the difference) for each of us individually. Will we need a referral first? I\u2019m not really sure where to look to find one, is googling it really our best bet? Is there a vetting website of some kind to use? We are in Portland Oregon. \n\nI\u2019m not sure how important this is but my girlfriend currently sees her family doctor for anxiety medication but it only helps a little. She\u2019s never been to a therapist and will be very nervous to open up to a stranger so I want to make sure it\u2019s going to be a positive experience. When I was a teenager I saw a therapist off and on (I fell into the \u201cI feel better better so I don\u2019t need to keep going/taking my medication\u201d cycle). I\u2019m nervous that since I\u2019ve started and stopped a few times that they will think I was selling my medication (I was on adderall) and will be hesitant to see me or prescribe me anything. Any advice is really appreciated!", "answer": "Start by looking through a couple therapist directories. Psychology Today and GoodTherapy are good places to start. Type in your zip code and a couple near you and start reading some profiles. You can also narrow down your results if you are looking for some specifics. You can also find their websites and things through those sites. You are also free to shoot any prospectives emails through the site asking any questions you would like.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "efym2h", "comment_id": "efym2h"}, {"question": "coming off meds", "description": "i am male 38yrs old, height 6'0\" i weigh 260lbs idon't smoke... i have been diagnosed bi-polar, PTSD, and general anxiety disorder. possibly BPD as well. i am trying to come off of my meds because i feel like crap all the time, i am basically a zombie.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've taken lots of different meds, some worked better than others but ultimately failed. I'm currently on lithium, keppra, seroquel and (klonopin as needed). i always feel like crap and my thoughts were to taper off and keep seroquel and/or klonopin as emergency pills... the rest of the pills eventually id like to be done with. my replacement would be exercise and diet. is this a bad idea? i mean, even while i was on depakote a while back, i almost took my own life so, how bad can it really get? i am tired of meds. also, these meds I'm taking are fairly new... within 3 months so, it shouldn't be a difficult withdraw. any thoughts on this... if i left out info I'm sorry and would respond ASAP. thank you in advance.", "answer": "It sounds like your condition is pretty serious. I, nor anyone else on the internet, can advise you to change your medication regimine, nor can anyone predict the outcome of doing so.\n\nI strongly encourage that you discuss your concerns with your doctor. Even with a slow taper, you may experience some pretty serious consequences. \n\nTapering off meds should always be done under the supervision and guidance of a physician/provider.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkxxtz", "comment_id": "bkxxtz"}, {"question": "Said something COMPLETELY retarded.", "description": "Holy fuck. I was talking to a girl and she asked me why I wanted to take German. I fucking said \"I have a fascination with Nazis\" instead of saying I like history. Holy. Fuck. Her face went completely blank. What the fuck is wrong with me!\n\nedit: sorry for the inappropriate title. made this post right when it happened... can't think when i'm anxious ", "answer": "We all fuck up from time to time. This fuck up won't end your life or make you a loser forever. It will be quickly forgotten about and all parties involved will move on. You can choose to move on as well. \n\nWhat did we learn today? You have a fascination with history and world war II and you want to be able to study primary sources. Or you are of german heritage and want to learn more about your heritage. Lots of explanations work and will work in the future because you won't make that mistake twice. \n\nYou can always go back and explain yourself and try to dig out of it. Worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and she continues to ignore you. \n\nThere are other girls that will be interested in you and as long as you can learn, you will get better at finding that one person that is right for you. \n\nEdit: The answer of \"I like history\" doesn't work that well because depending on your preferred historical period you could be studying greek, latin, french, or spanish. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6a749s", "comment_id": "6a749s"}, {"question": "Seeking help for my mental state has ruined my job prospects. I live in America.", "description": "So as the title says, seeking help for my mental health has done nothing but ruin it further by landing me in severe, crippling debt and ruining my job prospects.\n\nA little back story. \n\nFirst off: I skipped college. Wasn't really an issue, as I've always been a trade guy anyway. Had some skills right out the bat, put them to good use. Land a sick government job, good benefits, good pay. Start saving for flight school, everything's going well.\n\nThen I'm suicidal. The reason I was is a long, long story but chock it up to a failing marriage.\n\nSo, under my mother's behest, I go to a mental ward for two weeks. Admittedly, one of the best mental health experiences of my life. However, there's a problem. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2, and am given antidepressants as well as a mood stabilizer. At the time, I didnt know the damage this would cause.\n\nI lost my job at the government as soon as they found out why I was out for so long. I had to tell them, I couldn't just not explain why I was gone for two weeks or I was gonna loose my job anyway, but basically I was low key thought to be a liability now. So I was laid off. Then, I failed the FAA AME physical. Bipolar is an automatic fail. What sucks is I've honestly never shown bipolar tendencies or traits. Never had mania. My therapist suspects it was a billing diagnosis but funny about that as my insurance barely covered any if it. I'm still like, 40,000 in debt. But now I can't fly, ever, unless I get reevaluated, which I don't have the money to do.\n\nJust recently, I tried to get into trucking, or welding. Both denied me on account of the medicine I'm taking, as it causes drowsiness. \n\nSo basically, Im fucked to work at mcdonalds now. I literally have almost no other options other then retail drone, as I can't afford a doctor and lost my insurance with my government job.\n\nIn short, my life is ruined, all because I tried to help myself. \n\nGod bless the USA.\n\nAny advice would be great.", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nSounds like the way things went down was an awful experience. Sorry it happened. =/\n\nI have a few active military on my caseload, some of whom I have diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (I and II). I have not had a single issue with their command holding their diagnosis against them. They are free to use firearms, fly planes, and work on heavy machinery. Also still have their security clearances. All they've asked is that each of them keep their symptoms managed through therapy and medication, and they are free to continue. Most of them are doing quite well, actually!\n\nWhile it is true that there still very much is a stigma in working a government job (not even just military) when diagnosed with something, it is not the end-all-be-all.\n\nDid you take FMLA when leaving for your two weeks? You have no obligation to tell your job the specifics of your absence, especially if you were approved for FMLA. That's something I always approach carefully when working with in those high-risk types of jobs; I often times will hear that jobs will pressure their workers into telling them what happened.\n\nIf you feel you have been wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II, you are free to request the diagnosing provider to amend the medical record. That is within your right to do, and that may help if the diagnosis itself is what was in the way of you failing the FAA AME. \n\nHowever, do note that Bipolar Disorder II does not have mania within it's criteria: it stipulates that you experience hypo-mania, which can look drastically different depending on the symptoms. Bipolar I is what includes mania. Hypo-manic symptoms include things like excessive energy, lack of need for sleep, little to no appetite, difficulty concentrating, rapid speech at times, excessive spending, hypersexuality, and increase in risk-taking behaviors. It does not really include losing touch with reality.\n\nKeep working with your therapist to explore further what options you might have for you with your skillset. Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e02ixu", "comment_id": "e02ixu"}, {"question": "Husband has a bunch of nonspecific, disabling symptoms. Desperate for any answers.", "description": "My husband, a white male, 155 lbs, 5'11, has had a bunch of strange nonspecific symptoms since last November. He is diagnosed with celiac disease, delayed sleep phase disorder, depression, and anxiety. He takes .5 mg Klonopin daily, no other medications currently. He follows a strict gluten free diet. We monitored his blood sugar for a week, and it's normal. His resting heart rate and blood pressure are normal. He doesn't report any pain.\n\nThe symptoms he reports are as follows:\n\nhands and feet almost always cold\n\nfeet often sweaty\n\nwake up feeling hot\n\nsleep starts and observed PLMD\n\nbruxism when sleeping\n\nvery little appetite, have to force myself to eat breakfast\n\nsudden extreme hunger with hot flashes\n\nerectile dysfunction\n\ndecreased libido\n\nFatigue, lethargy\n\nbrain fog\n\nforgetfulness\n\nwalking and light exercise is exhausting\n\nacquired caffeine sensitivity, less than 30mg produces effects similar to two or more cups of coffee\n\ndifficulty focusing vision\n\nAdditionally, I've noticed clumsiness and stumbling over the past few months. No falls yet, but a lot of close calls. The fatigue is extreme and I've seen him have difficulty getting up to get things from across the room. He also used to be very sharp with a great memory, but recently I have to tell him things many times and he still forgets. The last week, he's spent a lot of time in bed and if we do go out (say, to the grocery store to pick up 2-3 things) he'll be exhausted for the rest of the day.\n\nI'm really worried and any suggestions would be welcome. He's seeing a general physician next week but due to the lack of specificty to his symptoms, I'm concerned he won't be taken seriously.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nA little additional info straight from him regarding medication history:\n\n\"after taking gabapentin 300mg 3x a day for two years i developed some of these symptoms, mainly the PLMD and sleep starts, along with symptoms thought to be diabetes insipidus, excessive thirst, excessive urination, dilute urine. i rapidly discontinued the gabapentin. i did not stop cold turkey, but the taper was much faster than would normally be recommended. during and after the taper, the symptoms got much worse, along with fasciculations and paraesthesias all over my body, and other symptoms similar to benzodiazepine withdrawal. the symptoms slowly resolved themselves over months. magnesium citrate 200mg before bed and a b-vitamin complex seemed to alleviate some of the symptoms for a time. over a year passed and the symptoms i am complaining of now started showing up, in about November of last year, after what i presume was a severe viral infection, either the flu or something like it. the chronic symptoms persisted after the symptoms of acute infection had passed. the cold hands and feet symptom is particularly new, previously i had the opposite problem, my hands and feet were always hot and sweaty, even in cool weather.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nafter reading an examination of literature on l-tyrosine by a sleep specialist, i tried taking 250mg before bed for a few days, and this seemed to resolve the PLMD and i was able to sleep well for the first time in months. i also tried l-arginine thinking it would improve circulation but found its effects at the recommended dosages uncomfortable (1 to 3 grams per day made me hot, sweaty, itchy, nauseous, and gave me a headache). since the l-tyrosine resulted in marked improvement of PLMD and sleep starts, it would lead me to believe that these symptoms are dopamine-mediated (true PLMD is thought to be associated with parkinsons). However, it did not resolve all of my symptoms. it is also difficult to sort out which symptoms may be the result of chronic sleep deprivation, and which may be the manifestations of an insidious disease. because the symptoms came on slowly, are varied and nonspecific, and effect my cognition, it has been difficult to keep track of them.\n\n&#x200B;\n\ni reduced my klonopin dosage from 0.75mg to 0.625mg about 3 months ago, and then further to 0.5mg after over two weeks had passed since i got down to 0.625mg. the acute withdrawal symptoms had subsided by then. acute withdrawal symptoms always included increases in sleep starts, PLMD, and nocturnal calf cramps. however, the symptoms i am primarily complaining about started roughly 3 months before i reduced the klonopin dosage. if i were to reduce the dosage further i would go down by increments of 10-15%, having the exact dosages compounded at a compounding pharmacy. switching to diazepam first and then tapering the diazepam is also supposedly an option, but seems like more trouble than it's worth. \"", "answer": "One thing you don't mention is his discussing any of this with his doctor. That would be a good start!\n\nVague but very troublesome symptoms of slowing, fatigue, and, and heat/cold can be thyroid issues, although they're not always, and hypothyroidism is more common in people with celiac disease. It's worth testing if it hasn't been already. Really there are many tests to be done, but a doctor should be directly involved in figuring out which will be most explanatory.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b2mew3", "comment_id": "b2mew3"}, {"question": "Husband has become extremely forgetful and zoned out", "description": "Age: 31\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 5 foot 8 inches\n\nWeight: 260lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration of complaint: 2-3 weeks, progressively getting worse\n\nLocation: NW Ohio\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Anxiety and acid reflux\n\nCurrent medications: unsure of names, but one for anxiety and one for heartburn\n\nInclude a photo if relevant: N/A \n\nHello,\nMy husband used to be super attentive and on top of his shit, part of why I married him! These past 2-3 weeks he has changed drastically. He is super forgetful now. He paced the aisles at the store a few times yesterday and I asked what he was looking for so I could help find it, and he said he didn't remember. He forgot an ingredient in a recipe he makes regularly. he forgot his hardhat for work today, and its the same job he's worked for over 5 years and never forgot before.\nI told him I was concerned and wanted him to go to the doctor, but he immediately became defensive saying he was fine and that work would put him off for two weeks with no pay and no unemployment just for going to the doctor. I myself have a Master's degree in Human Resources and told him that was not legal for the company to do....then his coworker texted me today and verified it was false.\nHis coworker also said that he hasn't been right at work and his work performance is slipping badly. He did a task today that normally takes him 30 minutes and it took him over 4 hours today to complete.\nAside from the forgetfulness, he is never fully aware anymore. I will sit next to him and talk and he will not hear me. he will listen at first sometimes and then zone out so badly that I will stop mid sentence to see if he is listening and he never notices if I've stopped.\nI was cleaning and had a wooden log fall on me within 3 feet from where he was sitting, and I yelled. he didn't hear the log fall or me yell.\nHe has stopped doing housework and gets mad when I don't do it all for him, which used to never be the case. we were always an excellent team and split the housework well.\nHe has not changed any medicines in over a year, and no other major changes have happened.\nAny ideas on what is going on?? His coworker is concerned it is a tumor pushing on his brain, and I worry that it might be early Alzheimers or something...", "answer": "Red flags are present for neurological, psychiatric or toxicological issues. Urgent referral even if he doesn't want to.\n\nEdit: involve family if he doesn't cooperate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j1ilar", "comment_id": "j1ilar"}, {"question": "The Apple Cider Vinegar Situation", "description": "So, I (13F) have hair that is dyed what my grandma refers to as an alarming shade of blue. To maintain this, my hairstylist tells me to rinse my hair with apple cider vinegar every time I wash my hair.\nToday, I spilled quite a bit of apple cider vinegar into my eye. This was about 10 minutes ago. My eye stings like hell every time I blink, move my head, or close my eyes. Should I be concerned about any lasting effects? Is there anything I should do about this?", "answer": "Washing your eyes thoroughly with clean water is the best thing to do. The acid in vinegar definitely stings, but you will probably be fine. There have been cases of eye injury, but they mostly heal just fine. It definitely stings, though!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e327nz", "comment_id": "e327nz"}, {"question": "I'm (17/F) involved in a year and a half relationship. He is (20/m), but is it worth continuing?", "description": "I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half. I met him about 5 years ago, but have not been in contact with him the whole time. I ran back into him when he had started working with my mom back in October of 2015. Everything has went great despite the ups and the downs. We've had quite a bit of people judge due to the age. He is currently 20 and will be 21 in March. I am currently 17 and will be 18 in June. However, my parents fully approve and my dad even recently got him a job where he works. Anyways, He was very badly in debt when I met him. I've continued to handle his finances as I would if we were married. He appreciates it, but doesn't always follow through with my plans. Every time I seem to start to get him out of debt it seems that something happens (Car troubles, phone breaks, parents need help, ect..) that puts him back in debt. Therefore, I've kind of lost ambition to even figure the finances out. Anyways, he lives with his parents who both have physical and mental illnesses. He pays his father $75 A WEEK to live there when all he does is take showers and sleeps there. My family feeds him even when we go out to each which is typically often. He stays here all but to sleep. A lot of the time he buys drinks and food for his parents. So, the problem is recently a lot has been brought up about engagement. He has said that he was going to ask my fathers permission to propose on 2 year mark. My dad is aware of this due to someone running their mouth. However, this is where the problems come in. About 2 months ago I moved about 45 minutes away from him when I used to live like 15 minutes. Which has been hard on him due to gas. For the simple fact my parents do not like me going places by myself or driving far even though I have my own car and my own job to provide for gas and pay my car payment. I have been giving him money for gas so that he can go back and forth to work along with coming to see me. He has recently asked that he could take a day off a week from coming to see me because we see each other 7 days a week for like 4 or 5 hours a day besides weekends. Therefore, I'm not sure how to feel about that because the duration isn't very long. It's not like it's all day everyday. Today, the subject of his dad wanting him to move out came up. I brought up the idea of him moving up here since it would be closer to me and closer to his job. However, he said no because it would be too far from his parents. Although he comes up here everyday and wouldn't have to go down there everyday. He was looking to rent to buy a house right around the corner from his parents. I feel like I shouldn't have to move all the way down there when he won't move all the way up here. I'm 17 and I feel like I should not have to move away from parents so fast. I feel like with him being almost 21 he should be ready to get out on his own and be independent and not wanna be up mommy and daddy's butt. I feel like maybe hes not mature enough? Maybe hes not ready for commitment? I brought up the fact that he'd move up here if my parents let him move in and he said maybe. Which I know he wouldn't. What is everyones thought on this? I seriously need advice!", "answer": "you sound more mature than him. but 21 is still young!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lp6p2", "comment_id": "5lp6p2"}, {"question": "How on earth to find a good therapist?!", "description": "I've tried everything. \n\nFirst I went to a psychotherapist who was late for our meeting, showed up stinking of cigarettes, and kept pushing me to talk about my past sexual relationships during our very first session. \n\nNext I went to a recommended psychiatrist who was completely uninterested in my pain. She just took out a notepad, wrote down my symptoms and prescribed me antidepressants and sleeping pills. Even though I told her I was having suicidal thoughts, she prescribed me full strength sleeping pills. I was the one who had to ask her to give me something milder that I couldn't potentially overdose on. \n\nNext I tried a CBT therapist (again highly recommended) who gave me some strategies. Those strategies didn't work for me, but instead of helping me find something that did she just kept pushing me in the same direction. She's also very mercenary. I texted her today that I was on the verge of a depressive episode and she replied \"You can come in tomorrow and my fees have gone up X amount.\" There was no \"how are you\" or \"hope everything's ok\". \n\nWhile I don't mind paying the (very high) fees most therapists charge, I need someone who is genuinely concerned about my wellbeing. Has anyone ever found such a person? Should I just give up altogether? ", "answer": "I've had 6 therapists over the course of my life. Of those 6:\n\n- 2 (including my current one) were excellent, truly cared about me, and have really changed my life for the better\n- 2 were nice and also cared about me, but didn't really help much\n- 1 was so-so, helped a little but we never really clicked\n- 1 was primarily a child therapist (I was 18 at the time and my parents got the referral from my old pediatrician), just not a good fit for my issues... plus he would be running behind, start my session late and then try to end on time, thus cheating me of my time\n\nMy boyfriend has also seen about 4-5 therapists. Of those, 2 (including his current one) were really helpful, 1 seemed intimidated by my boyfriend's intelligence and also took notes on his laptop during session which was off-putting, and 1 was a real asshole who minimized his suicidal thoughts! Good therapy is out there, but unfortunately there are bad therapists (as well as therapists who just aren't a good fit) and it can take a while to find the right one. It's almost like dating.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7rhbsp", "comment_id": "7rhbsp"}, {"question": "What am I supposed to do?", "description": "I am in high school. I am pretty unattractive and very awkward, but I still manage to make friends and have a somewhat normal life, besides never having been in any sort of romantic relationship. Last year I developed a crush on this girl. Over the summer it developed into a very deep infatuation. This year she is in none of my classes and I usually only see her in the halls once a day for a few seconds. Also, she has a boyfriend. So yeah, snowflake's chance in hell of ever being anything more than an acquaintance with her. I am used to these circumstances, it has never really bothered me before. But last week I realized something: she graduates at the end of the next school year. Then she is out of my life forever. Ever since this realization, I have fallen into an extremely deep depression. I haven't been doing any of the things I enjoy, like watching TV, vg's, etc. I just sit around all day looking at uninteresting things on my phone while listening to music and trying but totally failing to not think about her. I got invited to a small party, my first party of any kind since elementary school, I am losing weight and gaining friends rapidly, and I don't even care. I just feel constant pain. I want it to stop. I don't know what to do. ", "answer": "Wow, this looks exactly like something I could've written while in high school. The thing is, if I were to hear what I'm going to tell you, I probably wouldn't have given it much weight, so I'm not expecting you to either, but trust me, you will come to realize these things in time.\n\n1 You stated that you're \"unattractive\". My question would be \"to who?\" There is no set measurement stick for attractiveness. Each and every person finds different things, looks, personality types, etc. attractive. The sooner your realize this, the better off you'll be. \n\n2 You have a crush on this girl. I'm guessing you haven't dated her before. I'm guessing you probably don't even know her all that well. As you've become infatuated with her, you've probably imagined so much about her and have this picture in your head about what she's really like that's probably the farthest thing from the truth. In your infatuation you're blinded to all of her flaws and faults that might even turn you off to her.\n\n3 While you're infatuated with this girl, you may be completely missing opportunities to date others. The biggest problem I found myself in during high school that I see so many others struggle with is taking the whole crush/going out thing way too seriously. There's nothing wrong with going out on a date with someone you may not even be sure if you're completely into yet or not. That's the whole purpose of dating. Having fun and figuring that out. \n\nLastly, if you get too caught up on one person that is unavailable, you're just going to miss opportunities that might be right in front of your face. \n\nSo my suggestion is, work towards grieving this loss of opportunity, and move on as quickly as you can. Before you get yourself infatuated with another \"dream girl\", try to go on a date with someone more accessible without taking it too seriously. \n\nI hope this helps, but completely understand if it sounds like a bunch of BS at this point. At your age I probably would've shrugged it off like \"This guy just doesn't get it!\" But having been in your shoes, I wish I knew then what I know now. Best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6x9f46", "comment_id": "6x9f46"}, {"question": "How do you entertain yourself without alcohol?", "description": "Basically, I want to go on a vacation from drinking of indeterminate length because I drink every day or every other day and that is very bad for you. Also, I am taking 18 college credits in two weeks and I can't do that getting drunk every day.\n\nI'm not physically addicted to alcohol as far as I can tell. I don't even feel a really strong need to have it most of the time. But without it I am extremely bored and I think if I'm going to succeed I need to find a way to be not bored.\n\nProblems:\n\n1. I don't have any friends, and I don't like any of my boyfriend's friends when I'm not drunk. For the moment, I'm not sure how to make rewarding social interaction happen.\n\n2. I am in a small town with limited activities to do, except for a lot of bars. There are no meetups close enough for me to drive to, and no clubs in town that you don't have to pay to join. Both of these things are also not helped by the fact that I make very little money.\n\nI've watched every tv show I'm remotely interested in watching, I don't like competitive video games, and I feel like I've also had my fill of hobbies that feel like work (learning languages, running, cleaning (if that's a hobby), drawing). Usually my solution is drink until EVERYTHING is interesting, but I would love to find an alternative.\n\nDid anyone else experience this sort of boredom while trying to stop drinking? What do you DO with yourself? Does this feeling go away ever?", "answer": "You're in a very painful time in sobriety. Early on the dopamine spike necessary for basic enjoyment of activities is astoundingly high because of how consistent drinking affects your brain. I don't have any solution to that other than to tell you it gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2d0smn", "comment_id": "2d0smn"}, {"question": "Once I quit smoking I could see how repulsive I looked to others.", "description": "The last time I smoked was on January first, not because of any New Years resolution (I had my tonsils removed on the 3rd and didn't want them to be inflamed before the surgery). Obviously I had no urge to smoke the week following the surgery as my throat was in agony and I was sedated off painkillers. But two weeks after recovery and going back to school for the spring semester, it hit me that I had the longest clean streak I could remember. \n\nThere were times where I almost slipped but I feel like fate was on my side:\n\nThe first being when I came back to my house (I live in a fraternity house) my bong was gone. I don't know whether our housing manager was doing room checks or it got stolen. But the thing is I did not care, and to be honest I thought it was just hidden somewhere until I cleaned out my room today and saw it was no where to be found. Hopefully whoever has it gets a good use out of it.\n\nThe other time was after a night at the bars a few of my friends were in a room and they were passing around a dab pen. When it came to me I took a hit and nothing. It had died right after the person who passed it to me hit it. That right there made me feel like I wasn't supposed to let this streak end and I should take it as far as I can.\n\nNow I can see what chronic smoking looks like from the perspective of a non smoker especially living in a fraternity house of 65+ college kids. They all fiend for cigarettes or \"T\" (they all love to chop) and you can't walk into a room without it reeking of American spirit tobacco and weed. It's so bad they will refuse to smoke straight weed if there is no tobacco put in. Every morning when I take a shower I can hear 4 other kids coughing up last nights chop bowl into the sink. And when they do it in front of me what they cough up is pure black. I don't understand how anyone could live like that. They literally just sit in their rooms watching one of them play a video game taking turns chopping. If they want to do something really \"adventurous\" they'll roll a blunt. I get that you're in college but that's no way to live your youth. \n\nLuckily only about half of them are that bad and there are a lot of others living here with me who don't smoke at all. I've now been able to fall asleep without getting high (a huge achievement for the kind of stoner I was) and easily turn down the bong when it's handed to me. I don't have to spend $35 a week and can use that for better things and I don't cough up black mucus anymore. I still get the urge every now and then, in fact it was really bad tonight and that's why I visited this sub and am writing this right now, for the nights when I feel like I need just a little snap to get me to bed I take a melatonin (never more than 2 nights a week) and everything is fine.\n\nJust sort of putting my 2 cents into the conversation and am happy to know there is a community that supports these decisions. ", "answer": "The first ounce of pot I bought was $20 in 1969 and I had to mow four lawns to earn it. It made me popular with the kids hanging out at the bowling alley. The next year the price went up to $40 but it was more than twice as strong. After I started smoking pot my interest in school was lost and my grades went to hell but I didn\u2019t care much I just smoked more. I quit alcohol and pot in 1978 by attending AA and have stayed clean and sober ever since. I am glad I don\u2019t need it. I feel a little sorry for people who do need it and I believe that there are illnesses that it helps. But why would you want to diminish your own intelligence, reflexes, and awareness unless what you are experiencing is unpleasant. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7x6xim", "comment_id": "7x6xim"}, {"question": "How do you deal with not wanting to live?", "description": "Not really feeling suicidal or anything like that, but generally not interested in life. Nothing seems to be worth getting out if bed for. \nI\u2019ve gone a long time just forcing myself to do social things every day, like going to work or hanging out with people, because I know that is what is expected, but it\u2019s hella exhausting.\n\nHow do you deal with the fact that every aspect of your life either depresses you or bores you?", "answer": "One thing I've realized over the years as both a therapist having worked with countless folks who are or have been suicidal (whether active or passive) and as someone who has been suicidal myself that most people (myself included at the time though I didn't realize it) don't actually want to die. What they really want is a break or reprieve from all of the things that are causing stress, sadness, anxiety, etc. \n\nNot living or ending your life for many of us is just the automatic thought that pops up because it seems like the most immediate and direct way of getting that break or reprieve. \n\n\nUnfortunately, when completed, the results are permanent, when the feelings that caused them are only temporary (even though they rarely in the moment feel that way). \n\n\nPerspective helps me. I've just had the worst week I've had in a long time. I've been mildly depressed most likely due to seasonal changes or ADHD related mood swings. After that I've had to deal with major issues in my home. At first the furnace seemed like it was on it's last legs and almost got scammed into paying 6k for a new one (when I found out from a second opinion it only needed one bolt tightened). That was overwhelming but at least had a positive end. Immediately after, my basement floods. I find out my sewer pipe is severely fucked up. I about 20 hours between two days trying to fix the problem. Took off work and spent a lot of money only to find out everything I did didn't help in the slightest and now will have to call someone in and probably spend more money than we can afford right now. While going through that, the brakes on our car go out which is part of bigger problem that makes the car not worth getting fixed, so we're stuck without a car until we can sort things out to get another. \n\nMy joke is that over the past few days I've been dealing with a lot of shit and can't get any brakes. I mean this in the most literal way possible. \n\n\nAt various points the thought slips into my head that it would be better off if I just wasn't alive. Then perspective hits me. I have an old friend who recently lost his wife, the love of his life to cancer. They have a 5 year old kid. My friend can't work because of an injury he sustained on the job. \n\nMy situation indeed sucks and all my stress and feelings are valid. But when it comes down to it, my old friend would trade places with me in a heartbeat and I would never give up what I have to be in his shoes. \n\n\nWhile the thought of not wanting to be alive slips into my mind for an instant here and there, the feelings I'm experiencing right now will pass and things will be sorted out. I'm sure there will be plenty more times like this in the future and some much much worse. In between though I have hope that there will be plenty of moments of joy to make it worth it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgca0b", "comment_id": "fgca0b"}, {"question": "Metformin as a muscle relaxer?", "description": "Greetings all, I (21M) had a question which just struck me after doing some internet searches. I recently went to the doctor to get a checkup about some hip/sciatic nerve pain that I\u2019ve had for months now. The doctor prescribed me a steroid, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer to take at night before bed. I\u2019m not worried about the first to but the Metformin (the doctor claimed is the muscle relaxer) however when I look up Metformin it says it\u2019s a anti-diabetic medicine. I don\u2019t really see anything about it being a type of muscle relaxer. I have never been told about diabetes and as far as I know I do not have diabetes (my grandpa has diabetes and he did a test for me months ago and said as far as he can tell I seem to be alright). \n \nI just want to know if the medicine I was prescribed is correctly prescribed as a muscle relaxer or if it\u2019s incorrectly prescribed? Thanks!", "answer": "I wonder if this was supposed to be metaxolone (Skelaxin) or meloxicam (Mobic) and got messed up somewhere.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7qemg", "comment_id": "f7qemg"}, {"question": "That happens to everyone!! - How to respond.", "description": "So when i talk about my ADHD symptoms, a common response i get from people is \"that happens to everyone\" or I deal with that to. For example, in conversations i tend to 'zone out' and have completely unrelated things going through my head. My sig other said oh, that happens to me too when I am trying to think of what to say next! \n\nI told my sig other that it felt like they were invalidating my symptoms when they kept saying that, because that's how i felt. \n\nI am having trouble articulating why it is different for me than them, and thus why i need my meds and have to work harder. Any suggestions?\n\nNote: sig other is supportive of me, and did say they were just trying to make me not feel alone. (They do not have ADHD) But since they arent the only one who does this, my question still stands. \n\nTLDR: How do i explain that my ADHD symptoms are different than what 'normal' people deal with day to day.\n\n", "answer": "We all experience symptoms or behaviors associated with various mental illnesses or disorders at some point in our lives. What makes the symptoms and behaviors a disorder is when they interfere with your life in multiple areas to the level of impairment. For every disorder listed in the DSM, this is necessary for diagnosis: impairment in multiple areas in your life.\n\nThis is an example of how you can explain it to people: \u201cSure, we all get forgetful or lose things now and then or space out sometimes. What makes it different for me is that it is really impairing. While you might space out and be able to get back on track quickly, I struggle to bring myself back and it takes me a lot longer to the point that I lose important chunks of conversations. Or you might lose your keys once in a while and get frustrated for a few minutes, but that happens to me multiple times a day and makes me late. We all experience these things but my ADHD makes me experience them a whole lot more and in ways that interfere with living my life.\u201d\n\nEdit: left out a word ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aam99a", "comment_id": "aam99a"}, {"question": "Two year old with autism just had blood drawn and almost every line was flagged. What would you make of these results?", "description": "2 year old male with autism, has trouble with eating, just had a CBC done this morning. Results were automatically posted just recently, doctor has yet to get back to me because we are still waiting for the results on thyroid blood tests as well. I\u2019m quite worried. \n\n[Results here](https://imgur.com/a/ZhKtEqO)", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician and I'm not sure all the normal values are appropriately adjusted here for a two year old. Regardless, labs are set with the thresholds to flag such that there are more \"L\" and \"H\" markers than actually concerning values. Having a panel that shows up as all normal in someone who is healthy and \"normal\" is the exception, not the rule.\n\nNone of the highs or lows are far enough that they raise any concerns for me, and the patterns are all reassuring (slightly high blood RBC/hemoglobin is probably a little more reassuring than slightly low or very high, for example). Though again, I am not a pediatrician.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "anh5dg", "comment_id": "anh5dg"}, {"question": "Ex BF's \"therapist\" harassing me?", "description": "I just wanted to know how I should proceed with this.\n\nMy ex was married and told me he was actually separated, but in reality he was not. (I did not know)\n\nI ended things, and he went down a spiral of blaming depression and other things for his behaviors, which may or may not be true, but I did not want to partake regardless.\n\nIn a nutshell, my ex's \"therapist\" keeps asking me to participate in a therapy session with him and her, and when I reject, she continues to try and coerce me into participating in something I have clearly communicated I have zero interest in partaking in.\n\nThe initial text was talking about how she has been working with him, and that it would be very healthy for the three of us to get together. I clearly communicated I have zero interest, but wish him the best in his therapy.\n\nShe pushed further saying she thinks I should participate because I'm \"all he talks about in therapy\" and that he's described his life without me as \"miserable\". She even goes so far as saying I could make a small effort to make his life much, much better than it is.\n\nI just have zero interest in being any part of this man's life anymore, including via therapy, and this feels like borderline harassment on her part. I'm actually in a healthy relationship with a person who is not married, and has been very honest with me. So I obviously just want this person to leave me alone.\n\nAny advice appreciated!\n\nI looked her name up. The number on her website, practice\u2019s FB, and on google all matched with her number.\n\nI then went to my state\u2019s license search and threw her (very unusual) name into the search with no SPECIFIC license criteria. She came back as an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) with a valid UNexpired license.\n\nMy next course of action is going to be to block her, and keep him blocked, and report her to the state board. I\u2019m not going to warn her or anything. My feelings are that she already breached an ethical agreement and has allowed herself to be manipulated by this man so easily.\n\nRe: this man-\n\nYesterday (shortly after this post) I got a mixed tape along with a 3 page (front and back) handwritten letter in the mail telling me that \u201cthe therapist told him I want nothing to do with him\u201d and that \u201cshe told him that if I loved him unconditionally nothing he did would ever change my view of him\u201d among a bunch of other crazy stuff. I never have claimed to unconditionally love him, or anyone else in my life. Certainly not someone who I was a side chick.", "answer": "This is so gross. I'm really sorry.\n\nI have heard stories of therapists colluding and not \"seeing through \" this bullshit, but I always hope it is a misunderstanding or that there is some strategy I don't see. This just seems totally inappropriate. Even if you had been married for 20 years and had 10 kids, continued requests are inappropriate. \n\nAny idea what kind of license this therapist has?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hmwasp", "comment_id": "hmwasp"}, {"question": "Social Quicktips", "description": "My humble quicktip list. If you'd like to see something added, please comment and I will append your name for credit.\n\n* Social Gatherings - I used to feel uncomfortable here, I felt like I had to say or do something to be \"cool\"; however, once I sat back and ignored the party, laid back in a chair and staired up at the stars or something, I found that people were drawn to me and wanted to talk to me. There is something mysterious about that person who seems to be perfectly content on his own while this huge party goes on around him that makes people want to get to know him. This is effortless on your part. Of course don't spend the whole party this way, if someone reaches out, give an appropriate response, they might take you around the party and introduce you to their friends or something.\n\n* Introducing a New Friend to Your Friends - Often when I bring a new friend around my current friends, they feel excluded and awkward. I do a couple things here. First, I make sure to distance myself from my friend, say, if he's sitting on one side of the room I sit on the other, with my old friends in between preferably, and I keep contact with my new friend. I keep talking to him across the room about stuff we've done or make inside jokes or something, this gets my new friends interested and involved in the conversation and eventually, you don't need to say anything to keep the conversation flow between new friend and old friends running. (I'll stop here for brevity)\n\n* Building Social Skills - Very easy, almost effortless, when you are out somewhere, at a store or park or whatever, and you see someone make eye contact with you, *smile* and say *hey how's it going*. The goal isn't to start a conversation (if you do, that's cool), it's just to build your confidence in your ability to connect to others. Often they will respond very well, it's not normal that strangers genuinely take an interest in them, and you will find that this brief human contact stimulates your mind and makes you feel better especially if you are in a grump-slump. Like Nike, \"Just Do It\".\n\n* Passing Greetings - People often say \"Hey\" or \"What's up\" when they walk past each other. If you know their name, simply append it to the end, and you can be confident that they will like you more and feel more connected to you in the future. \"Hey Brad\" goes a lot farther than \"Hey\".", "answer": "Good tips :) Thanks for sharing!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "rrg0f", "comment_id": "rrg0f"}, {"question": "Watched a man presumably die at the movie theater", "description": "Hi all, hope this is the right subreddit to be posting on. Need to speak of this and get some advice. yesterday my mom (56f), dad (60m) and I (24f) went go to see a movie since we all had the day off for holiday. As the movie was started, I noticed a middle aged woman crying and grabbing her husband. A second woman was on the phone with 911 telling them the man wasn\u2019t breathing. I was the first to notice among most of the people in the theater as the previews were so loud. I calmly told my parents that there was something serious happening right in front of us (slightly diagonal and in front, I was the closest). Soon everyone started to notice and everyone jumped into action. The lights were still down and a nurse and doctor in the theater helped move the man onto the ground to perform CPR. My father was helping clear people away, and my mother was holding the wife and turning her away from her husbands body. They needed light and I was closest and I turned on my phone\u2019s flashlight and shined it on the man. All I could then see was his dead eyes slightly opened as my flashlight shined on them and his body being aggressively pounded on by the medical professionals. Then, he started to vomit and as he was pounded more his vomit came out more and his eyes still open and lifeless. The nurse and doctor kept saying there was no pulse, no pulse. Finally, the lights came on and the paramedics arrived. We were all whisked out of the theater but my mom stayed behind with the wife. I sat outside and my dad went to go smoke in the car from the stress. I then watched the man be furiously rushed out with the wife following being escorted by a paramedic as well. \n\nWe went home (parents dropped me off at my apartment) and at first when I was finally alone I cried and shook and cried and then threw up. My mom tried to call me but kept talking about the wife and I just didn\u2019t want to speak. To anyone. Then, i just sat the rest of the evening staring. I tried to turn on the TV but couldn\u2019t focus. I kept thinking about the mans eyes and the vomit and his body lifelessly convulsing as the CPR was performed. Last night I slept a bit but just couldn\u2019t stay asleep. Had trouble falling back asleep. My mind was just not tired. \n\nAll day today I have felt extremely distracted and weird. Not sure how I feel. It\u2019s good to note that my parents did not witness what I witnessed as my father was getting everyone away and my mom was comforting the wife turned away with her. I had to focus my light directly on him while everything happened. I have never seen something so horrific in my life. And my parents aren\u2019t a ton of help, because they are talking more about the empathetic point of view while I just keep having these images in my mind. I\u2019m not crying today or shaky but I sure don\u2019t feel good. \n\n As someone who\u2019s never been through this shit, what should I do? What should I expect? What is normal? I still have no idea if the man was ever revived or if he is officially \u201cdead\u201d. I don\u2019t know if knowing would even phase how I\u2019m feeling.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry. That is so hard to experience. I am so glad you and your family were there to help in all the ways you did. It\u2019s always scary and jarring when illness/emergency/death cross our path on what was just another day of us just going about our business. I\u2019m glad your family was there for them.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "c9icn1", "comment_id": "c9icn1"}, {"question": "Choosing between Masters in Social Work vs Masters in Counseling", "description": "I am a 24 year old Skills Instructor (working with adults with disabilities) with a BS in Psychology looking to go back to school and get my masters. My ultimate career goal is to be an independent couples counselor working out of my own home or a private office.\nI originally was planning on applying to a state university program for counseling but was recently told that if I want to be independently contracted then clinical social work is a better program to apply for.\nSo, marriage and family counselors of Reddit, what's your advice for the best path to go down to get where I want to be? What're the next steps I should be taking?\n(I live in MASSACHUSETTS if that makes any sort of difference licensure wise)", "answer": "Oh boy. This is sort of a loaded question. I got my LMHC in MA after getting my Masters in Counseling. I also live in MA. My understanding of this is that with your SW degree you have an easier time getting independently licensed and can use that in a multiple states. With your LMHC you have to get independently licensed in each state which may or may not mean returning to school. I've heard from LICSW friends that they have more career options and often get paid better due to versatility in their degree. LMHC is less social work related jobs and more therapy jobs (although they can be somewhat interchangeable, as in doing more of a LICSW job now and am an LMHC, and plenty of LIs do therapy).\n\nPersonally I don't regret getting my LMHC but wish I had more information on the differences during grad school. I think it's more of an access to jobs difference, but maybe someone had better information than I do. \n\nI can answer anything you'd like I know about LMHC track, so feel free to ask! :) I practice in MA and have had my license for about a year. I just started my own private practice, so it sounds like we have similar career goals!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6ve7iu", "comment_id": "6ve7iu"}, {"question": "31/F/US I like stuff. You like stuff. Let\u2019s be friends.", "description": "A bit about me: \n\n\nLove to be outdoors (camping, fishing, hiking) I prefer boots over heels any day, video games please, photography yes, foodie all day, Returned Peace Corps Volunteer 2010-2012 Lesotho. I would rather be home as a human burrito or in the mountains. Don\u2019t do the bar scene. I rarely drink but if I do I prefer whiskey. Wes Anderson, Studio Ghibli, Tarantino films are my favorites. Love horror, Star Wars, and Star Trek. \n\nPersonality traits: \n-independent \n-nurturer \n-no bullshit ", "answer": "Hey, 31 f here too. Where are you located? I\u2019m in Denver. I enjoy cooking, comedy, succulents, nature, art. Pm if you want to chat more!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "b8150i", "comment_id": "b8150i"}, {"question": "I think my friend is faking Schizophrenia & Multiple Personality Disorder.", "description": "So I have a friend whom I know very well online. We are in a friend group in which everyone except me believes he has multiple personality disorder.\n\nHe says he was 'diagnosed as having schizophrenia' and apparently he chooses when his alternate personalities can come to control. The personalities share almost exactly the same opinions with him and can apparently let memories be his also. I'm so tired of this bullshit of him lying about this. There's so much shit that I'll update later in the comments. ", "answer": "Well, if he is claiming that Schizophrenia = multiple personalities, then that is just not accurate. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that involves a whole cluster of debilitating symptoms. \n\nSchizophrenia is fairly rare (about 1% of the population). Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka \"Multiple personality disorder\") is even more rare (and many professionals would argue that it doesn't really exist). The likelihood of him having both AND being functional enough to describe it/maintain a social friend group online is less than 1 in 10,000. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4phuze", "comment_id": "4phuze"}, {"question": "Has anyone had a positive experience with inpatient rehab?", "description": "I'm trying to decide the best time to go and I think now is probably the right answer. I've been to AA off and on but I haven't made any progress since last November when I stayed sober for 29 days. I still have my job and I haven't caused any major pain for anyone but I know I can't stay sober without getting help and seriously overhauling my way of living. My life stopped progressing about a year ago and now I'm just crawling through every day. If anyone has any positive or negative experiences about treatment facilities I'd love to hear them.", "answer": "When I went to rehab I was furious, I was resentful, and I hated every second of it. It wasn't until about 2 months after that I realized how truly lucky I was to go and how I would not be where I am today had I not gone. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1enbj0", "comment_id": "1enbj0"}, {"question": "I hope you needed it more than I did", "description": "To my unknown coworker who was so kind as to liberate my lunch from the refrigerator, I hope you truly needed it. I've been trying to watch what I eat and lose some extra weight so instead of going out for food, I keep lunch in the work refrigerator. I hope the brown rice, stir fried chicken, and veggies that I took time to prepare this morning was filling and satisfying. Was the extra red pepper I put in there too much? I was curious but now I shall never know. Maybe your financial situation is dire and you needed food... I get it, I've been there. In fact, I'm there right now, thanks to you! If you would have asked, we could have split it! There was more than enough for both of us. Looks like water and wheat thins for me today. Can I at least get my lunch bag back? That was a gift from my mother. ", "answer": "Someone stole a monogrammed coffee mug from my last workplace and I'm *still* mad about it. It was a Christmas gift, and to whomever has it, I hate you still.\n\nI don't understand the mentality - I tend to assume it's an honest mistake and then the person thinks they can't save face, but I'm not sure. I hope you get your lunch bag back! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4po8cp", "comment_id": "4po8cp"}, {"question": "My personal tips when I\u2019m having anxiety", "description": "I just wanted to share my own tips for when I have an anxiety attack I hope that\u2019s okay I\u2019ve never posted on this sub before so I apologize if I make a mistake or anything. Usually this stuff works best if I can tell it\u2019s just starting and can try to catch it before it spirals, but either way I find these helpful maybe you will too. I know some are common but I wanted to share anyway!\n\n- Shower! Hoping in the shower is such a nice re-set for me and let\u2019s me zone out\n\n- Face steamer. It\u2019s extremely calming and the steam is so great for the skin\n\n- Driving. Obviously if your anxiety is triggered by driving don\u2019t do this, but for me a drive on a familiar straight road with my favorite music playing and zoning out can really help\n\n- CBD. I take it regularly for my anxiety and it works wonders. I use it when I feel an attack coming on (similar to how people use benzos) It\u2019s been a few months now and I haven\u2019t noticed any side effects\n\n- A nostalgic show. For me it\u2019s always Gilmore Girls \u2014 Lorelei\u2019s voice alone can calm me down so much\n\n- Painting! I am far from an artist but literally just moving the paint brush around making random mediocre art is really calming for me\n\n- A heavy blanket. I\u2019ve actually never used a gravity blanket, so I can\u2019t speak on that. But my thick down comforter feels like a hug and I love it\n\n- A community (even if it\u2019s online). Sometimes I get really lonely then get anxious about how I\u2019m lonely. Subs on reddit or even finding people with similar interests on Twitter helps me feel like I\u2019m not so alone\n\n- Writing. This is my number one outlet personally. If I have the mental stamina for it I force myself to write it out and let it out. Especially great if I feel like I have no one to talk it out with\n\n- Doing the dishes. I know it\u2019s weird but it helps for me\n\n- Do one nice thing I have to and/or one good thing for myself. This can be extremely difficult if I\u2019m super anxious, but if I\u2019m able to I try to force myself to do one thing on my to do list or one thing for myself that\u2019s good for me like drink a smoothie or take my vitamins or make my bed \u2014 even if it\u2019s really small I feel a sense of accomplishment when it\u2019s over that helps\n\n- Water. I just force myself to drink a glass if I can\n\n- A walk. This one is super hard if I\u2019m really anxious. But if the weather is decent and the anxiety is not too bad yet I try my best to do this one.\n\n\nI know some of these are extremely obvious but I just wanted to share what I do in anxiety attack situations!! Please share your own tips!\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nEdit: I also wanted to add lavender incense and doing my makeup as a couple other helpful things!", "answer": "These look really good for while you are having anxiety and have done your work already. They are mostly distraction and avoidance and are making the anxiety stronger and more entrenched. Zoning out and focusing on other things, just like procrastination, works to make facing the anxiety worse later on when you can't avoid it/have to face it, esp when going to sleep or going into an anxiety-producing situation. \n\nSorry if this sounds like I'm yucking your yum. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "azpa88", "comment_id": "azpa88"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "ip896l"}, {"question": "My (20M) ex boyfriend (20M) who I've been dating for the past 5 months but have lived with for the past year broke up with me out of nowhere and I have absolutely no closure on any part of the situation.", "description": "(Long story, but ultimately looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about dissociative identity disorder / trauma / how to handle a break-up)\n\nMy ex boyfriend and I met on the first day of university last year, since he lived in the dorm room next to me. He had a crush on me for the entirety of our first semester of uni, and I knew he did, and he also knew that I did not return his feelings at the time. Still, he was basically my best friend for those 5 months and we talked/hung out every day.\n\nAt the end of the first semester I began developing feelings for him too, but I was too scared to do anything about it until I confessed to him at the end of last January and we started dating. When COVID hit and universities started to close their dorms, I convinced my parents to let him live with us because his family is incredibly abusive. So, he lived at my house for 1.5 months and met my whole family and everything seemed great. I've never felt so comfortable and so secure around anyone in my life.\n\nBut in the middle of may he went back to live with his family because the school year had finished. His family plays a very important part in this story. His mother is insanely sensitive/emotionally manipulative/anxious/homophobic and very much a traditionalist, and his father has physically and sexually abused him throughout his life. He has not told me much of these details directly, but I can infer things from what he has told me and whenever he talks about how terrible his parents are he tends to laugh it off.\n\nSince summer started, I have not seen him or talked to him over the phone (only text) until about three weeks ago when I visited his house. Being at his house was the most awkward thing I have ever experienced. There were holes in his ceiling at various locations throughout the house and periodically there was just pieces of wood instead of ceiling (which my ex said was to cover water damage). None of the doors in his house had locks on them and there were security cameras everywhere inside. Besides that, his house was absolutely spotless (think: Ikea showroom. Even his bedroom looked fake) and throughout the entire time I was there his mom was cleaning up things and watching us from a distance. I was anxious the entire time I was there and I even mentioned to him how I understand now why he cannot stand being at his parents house. I have never felt as terrible as I felt when I was at that house.\n\nWell, 2 days ago he starts texting me about how he wants to go to therapy and he's scared it's going to unearth dissociative identity disorder because he's been compartmentalizing his trauma/stress all his life. I know enough about DID to know the implications of that but I've never had lived experience with knowing someone who had DID. So of course I told him that no matter what happens I'll always be there for him. Immediately afterwards, he sends me a text basically saying that after some self reflection he has decided to break up with me. I kept asking why, and he keeps saying it's because ever since 3 weeks ago he has just felt no romantic attraction to me (even though I haven't seen him or talked to him and we have been exceptionally close for the past year). I kept telling him that that makes no sense and that I've known him so well and that if he stopped having feelings for me, there has to be a reason why, but he keeps stating that it's normal to randomly lose feelings for people and that there doesn't have to be a reason. I've begged him to literally tell me any reason why and he just kept getting frustrated with me and told me that it's normal to lose feelings. He also said that he did 100% feel attracted to me when he was living with me at college and at my house, but says \"I have a problem with mirroring other people's emotions so I don't know how much of my attraction was just mirroring your attraction but I can promise you I did feel attraction to you that entire time\".\n\nI am just so lost right now. It just doesn't make sense. He's supposed to be my roommate at university next year so I asked him if we could maybe just take a break instead of breaking up entirely since his lack of attraction is so out of nowhere, but he was very adamantly opposed to that idea. I have no idea what to do or what to think or how to rationalize this and I won't have any type of closure until I see him at university in two months.\n\nNone of it makes sense and I have no idea how much of it is me being in denial or how much of it is a result of his mental state or his parents or anything and I would just like some outside input and any advice on how to cope at all.", "answer": "This must be so hurtful! \n\nWhatever the heck happened, he is making it really clear he needs space. We don't know what is happening on his end , and may be going through something pretty serious. If you can, it may be helpful if you can seek support from someone other than him for your legitimate pain. I worry that he is further burdened by your emotional reaction and can't respond if he is in crisis. \n\nYou clearly care very much about this man and I hope you get answers.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjiedl", "comment_id": "hjiedl"}, {"question": "Is saying \"I'm sorry my opinions offended you\" the same as \"I'm sorry you were offended by my opinion\"", "description": "To me, these are very different. To me the first one seems like a genuine apology, for hurting someone's feelings, while the second one is saying that the other person is overreacting about what person A said. However I can understand that both may be seen as offensive statements and I wanted to get reddit's opinion on the matter. I ask because I don't think people should apologize for having a certain belief, but they should apologize if they hurt someone's feelings. What do you think?", "answer": "I really don't like either of these. I agree with what you said in that if you care about someone, it's important to acknowledge that you hurt their feelings and apologize if you actually are sorry that you did it. I also agree that you don't have to apologize for having a different opinion or even an opinion that offends someone. \n\n\n\nWhile it may not be the speaker's intent, they both read like \"I'm sorry you're upset but I believe what I believe.\" While this may truly be the case, if you're sincere in feeling sorry that you hurt the other person's feelings, what purpose is there in adding this?\n\n\nCouldn't you simply say \"I'm sorry that I offended you. That wasn't my intent.\" \n\n\nIf it wasn't so much your opinion but the delivery that caused the issue and you wish you had delivered your opinion differently, you can be specific about that. \"When I was talking about ______ I'm guessing I came across too harsh and I'm sorry if it was too much.\"\n\n\nOr lastly,\n\n\nSome opinions really are better kept to yourself. It doesn't make you wrong for having the opinion, but given your relationship with the person it might not have been appropriate to express it at all. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "937fjo", "comment_id": "937fjo"}, {"question": "It's my birthday", "description": "I'm 32 today and this will be the first time in 17 years that I will not drink on my birthday. Most of my friends have gone away on a vineyard trip for the week so I declined to join them. My other good friends live in other countries or have gone away for events this weekend so I'm on my own this evening.\n\n\nToday has been great I woke up (not hungover) next to a really cute girl I met recently and then made her a nice breakfast. I did all my chores for the weekend like shopping and food prep. I gave myself a diet break, ate some chocolate then had a nap. I have just been to the gym and spent 2 hours lifting heavy stuff and now it's 9pm and I'm planning on running 10k.\n\n\nI will admit that I miss the friends who went wine shopping but knew I couldn't handle vineyard tasting days sober especially on my birthday. I'm a little lonely right now but it's ok because I have achieved the unthinkable a sober birthday. I was planning a nice dinner but the run is going to make it late so I'm planning Hungry Jack's (BK).\n\n\nOK I didn't really have much of a point for this post other than to say thanks to all of you guys, reading your struggles and your success makes today really easy for me. I will not drink with you all today :D", "answer": "Happy birthday, and well done on facing those feelings of loneliness so well. Take care and good luck \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h7ekb", "comment_id": "8h7ekb"}, {"question": "What are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "I just wondered if I may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as I've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.\n\nAlso, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that I may be schizoid, for instance? Simply because they're looking for something specific?\n\nI'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, I just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "It does happen, but I would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist. Asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better. The best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist. I did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.\n\nFriendly Reminder:\nIn 21 days, a new Diagnositic and Statistical Manual will be released and Asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world. Instead, there will be Autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.\n\nIt is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "1djnwc"}, {"question": "I'm [33/f] and invisible to [34/m] husband unless I am being his shrink, maid, chef, sex toy or business consultant. Or at least that's how I feel.", "description": "What do you do when you feel unloved? Overlooked? Like a second thought in your husband\u2019s life? When nothing you do will ever bring you first? Or be enough though you do everything from washing his socks to talking him off a ledge about work. When a job that he hates is more important? When he takes but never gives? When it\u2019s not even his fault because it is who he is and you knew that from the get go? What do you do when you start to hate every holiday or event in life because you know he\u2019s going to either flat out ignore it or begrudgingly do something at the last minute that\u2019s going to make you feel even worse because you know he\u2019s only doing it because he is supposed to not because he wants to? When all you want is for him to WANT to make you happy and actually put effort in? What do you do when he\u2019s your best friend but his inability to be present, thoughtful, considerate, or grateful makes you die a little more every day? What do you do when the thought of leaving him makes you sick and isn\u2019t something you are willing to do because he\u2019s not a bad guy he\u2019s just him and you knew that all along? How does one accept what their partner has to offer and not want what they know they can\u2019t have?", "answer": "too complex for redditors; please go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8dmb", "comment_id": "5t8dmb"}, {"question": "So my mom doesn't like my girlfriend and is crying every night.", "description": "This is difficult. I don't know what to think anymore.\n\nI've been with my (first) girlfriend for a little less than a year. We are in our early 20s. Our relationship hasn't been as crazy as other reddit stories. I like her, she likes me. She likes me more than I like her, as far as I can tell.\n\nMy mom does not like her. She gives the following reasons:\n\n* She is of a different country of origin from me. My parents barely speak english and my mom says this is going to be awful if we get married. The cultures, traditions, languages, and families are too different. - I somewhat agree, but I never got to the \"married\" part in my head. FWIW, we are both of Asian descent, albeit different countries.\n* She has made me negative and empty. My eyes don't light up anymore since getting together with her. I'm less passionate. - I agree with this, but I don't entirely believe it's my gf. I just landed a decent job after grad and I'm wondering \"now what?\"\n* I am getting more and more distant now, and my entire family is falling apart because of it. - I've always felt distant with my parents. I honestly do not know why. I've tried connecting better, but for some reason never could. My mom has been giving me shit about going out to meet the girlfriend.\n\nNow here's the scary part. I recently moved out to a different city two hours away for my new job (and yes my girlfriend is still back at home). My dad just sent me a link the other day to [atypical depression](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atypical_depression). He called me at work to talk privately and said that my mom fits all the symptoms of that, including crying a lot, random fits, irrational (and almost violent) behavior sometimes. He says that I should come home soon and agree to whatever my mom asks. So I came home last weekend.\n\nMy mom along with my dad on the side said a lot of things that led me to believe what I just listed above. It was pretty emotional and I cried a lot. I honestly thought, up until a few moments ago, that I should brake up with my girlfriend because she is not good for me and my family now, or in the long run. I just talked to my best friend and he said I'm a jerk for wanting breaking up with a girl that loves me so much, but that if I can't give my girlfriend what she wants (the attention, the care) because I don't like her as much as she likes me, then I should break up with her, especially if my parents would be berating me and that would be passed on to her. He also mentioned, upon hearing how my mom is crying and being really emotional about it, that I'm being emotionally abused by my parents.\n\nMy parents are actually asking me to break up with my girlfriend, asap. I have no clue what to think anymore. I know that I haven't figured out myself well and I need to work on what I need and who I am. I want to do the right thing here now, but I don't know what that is. What should I do, Reddit?", "answer": "First off, there is no \"should.\" There is no right answer here, only what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. If maintaining harmony in your family is the most important thing to you, then by all means, make peace with your family. If not, and you want to remain in a relationship with this woman, then stay with her, and let your parents know that this is the way it is. Of course, you have to be prepared for the ramifications of either decision. \n\nIf your mom truly has depression it is unlikely that it is as a result of this. She may very well be disappointed and upset, but depression is a different monster. If she has those types of issues, then you (or someone else) can encourage her to get help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dwfdf", "comment_id": "dwfdf"}, {"question": "erectile dysfunction caused by antidepressants", "description": "i have been taking zoloft (sertraline) for a couple of years and it has been very helpful in managing my depression. about a month ago, my psychiatrist raised my dose from 75mg to 100mg. i recently got into a new relationship and we have started being sexually active. i have never had a problem getting or maintaining an erection in my life, and i am VERY attracted to my partner. my sex drive is still there and pretty much unaffected, i still desire and crave sex just as much as before. but in the moment, i just haven't been able to get an erection. my body is literally aching for sex and i want this girl so bad, but i just can't get it up. it's embarrassing beyond belief and it makes me feel like a disappointment. i am pretty sure this is being caused by the changed in my medication since i have never had this problem before. i take my medicine as directed and have not had any problems with ED when i was on doses ranging from 25-75 mg. what can i do other than lower the dose (which i will talk to my doctor about at my next appointment)? it's killing my sex life and it's frustrating and i want my body to be back to normal.", "answer": "Bupropion, mirtazapine, or back to 75mg sertraline are your options I think. Or sildenafil.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "68e18p", "comment_id": "68e18p"}, {"question": "Surgery is done abroad. where to do PostCare in the US ?", "description": "19, Male, 5' 8'', 175 lb, Middle Eastern, lower back, Tempe, AZ\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy brother did a pilonidal cyst surgery 2 weeks ago and now he's getting back to the US for college. The surgeon instructed him to find a place to change dressing daily and remove the surgical stitches when the wound has healed . not sure who to schedule an appointment with\n\ncalled the hospital: they told me appointment can't be scheduled. he has to have a Primary care doctor or he can enter the ER without an appointment\n\ncalled Urgent care: they were not sure the assistant physicians can help him\n\nSince the dressing needs to be changed daily, whats the best place to go to in terms spending the least amount of time there wait.\n\nI would prefer he doesn't go to the ER as that tends to be 9-11 hours wait. he has insurance that will cover everything\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "He could go to the Student Health Center of his college.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeq3dm", "comment_id": "aeq3dm"}, {"question": "When you feel like shit but can\u2019t show any emotion", "description": "I feel like shit and I want my body to react to\nI want to yell scream cry my eyes out\nBut I can\u2019t, like try to find the most depressing songs and films to find but no tears ,no emotion \nI feel like I am simply not here.\n", "answer": "I understand exactly what that\u2019s like. It\u2019s anhedonia. It sucks. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9zp7sq", "comment_id": "9zp7sq"}, {"question": "What's the difference between asserting a boundary and creating an ultimatum?", "description": "Do you have specific examples?", "answer": "Ultimatums are types of boundaries, but where crossing that boundary leads to a complete end of the relationship. \n\n\nAs a therapist I often refer to these as \"Deal Breakers\". \n\n\nA boundary in a relationship centered around substance abuse might look like: \n\n\"I don't like it when you drink heavily. I'd like it if you wouldn't when we spend time together. If you get too drunk, I'm just going to go and do my own thing for the rest of the night.\" \n\n\nAn ultimatum might be: \"While I don't like the heavy drinking, I absolutely don't want to be in a relationship with someone using heroin. If you started using heroin I'd have to break it off, without compromise.\"\n\n\nAll boundaries and ultimatums should have consequences attached to them, or they're not really boundaries, or at least not ones being enforced. \n\n\nAt the end of the day, some things may be deal breakers that are just boundaries for others and vice-versa. There's no one set of right or wrong boundaries/ultimatums we give to others. It's up to each of us to decide what we want (boundaries) and what we need (ultimatums) out of our relationships with others.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dowec4", "comment_id": "dowec4"}, {"question": "What Are These Symptoms?", "description": "Lately, I have been feeling like I've just gotten done crying, I'm about to cry, and I'm crying all at the same time. I have mild anxiety from time to time and in the worst case, I have full blown panic attacks where I need to hide and spend 20 minutes breathing and crying. It was worse before where I would constantly relive the bad moments and frequently wake up at 4am and vomit my guts out before work. \n\n\nI think it was due to a terrible rejection /breakup and my past history with women (and how they've treated me) that I suddenly mentally broke down. This has been continuing for a good year now. I need to see a therapist but I am not sure what kind of therapist I need to see. Should I see a general therapist or is there a specific practice I should look for?", "answer": "Therapist here. I do not hear any trauma history or symptoms of PTSD. Sounds like anxiety and perhaps depression, although I don\u2019t have enough information to be certain about depression. Definitely consider seeing a therapist and I would recommend DBT. If you can\u2019t find a DBT practitioner then CBT would be my second preferred treatment approach.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "brlsgt", "comment_id": "brlsgt"}, {"question": "I just started to hear voices... Help", "description": "I know I'm not mad, but it's the 3AM right now and I'm here, with my headset on, and I started to HEAR voices. Not coming from the headset, but from the real world. I just stayed there for a few minuts, and I still hear wispers, though no one is here... Is depression finally killing my mind ? Am I turning mad ?", "answer": "It\u2019s possible that you may have depression with psychosis. I\u2019d recommend seeing a psychiatrist ASAP and they might be able to give you better feedback. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "b96bos", "comment_id": "b96bos"}, {"question": "A family member is suicidal, homicidal, in a mental hospital and under a 3 minute watch because she believes she in possessed by demons and so are others and she has to cut them out of people.", "description": "She is not religious. She never has been. None of us are. She is married to my cousin. He woke up one night and she was standing over him with a knife saying she had to cut the demons out of him. I think she has some childhood trauma, I don't know. Her dad used to say he heard voices apparently. Is cacodemonomania treatable? Will she ever go back to normal? How can we help her? It has been like this since her dad passed and has gone from small episodes to consuming her entirely.", "answer": "Not a therapist but I work in a psych hospital and I see patients like this often. You say she's been like this since her dad passed, how long ago was that? Give her a few days/weeks with meds and see how she does. Best thing you guys can do for her is make sure she continues to take her meds when she gets out of treatment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dihwwm", "comment_id": "dihwwm"}, {"question": "BOUNDARIES", "description": "I want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "Very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? If you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "etr6z9"}, {"question": "Therapist charged me a $125 cancellation fee because I missed my appointment to go see my dying grandma", "description": "I\u2019ve been seeing my current therapist for about one year and liked her pretty well. Last Wednesday evening I got a call that my grandma who lives 600 miles away was being placed on hospice care. I messaged my therapist that I couldn\u2019t make it to my appointment the following day because I was going to drive out and see my grandma because she is expected to pass away soon. My therapist responded \u201cSorry to hear that. You will be charged a $125 for late cancellation. You can send a check or pay at your next appointment in cash.\u201d\n\nThis really upset me because it is the only time I\u2019ve ever canceled late (less than 24 hours before the appointment). I can afford to pay it, but she knows how worried I\u2019ve been about my grandma and this just seems uncaring to me. \n\nOn Friday she messaged me \u201cI sent you a bill. Please let me know when you receive it.\u201d This upset me even more and I responded \u201cokay, please cancel all my future appointments.\u201d She messaged back, \u201cWhy?\u201d and then I blocked her number. I feel super anxious about this and I can\u2019t fall asleep because I can\u2019t stop thinking abut it. Did I overreact?", "answer": "The financial end of therapy often gets in the way. I don't usually charge people for late cancellations but I do when it's habitual and not congruent with their diagnosis. The only way a therapist makes money is by billing for that session and so the cancellation is their income loss. Some is expected but sometimes it becomes an issue that good therapists don't have to accommodate. The tricky part is that the less accommodating a therapist is, the better they are usually. Busy therapists who are really good at their job are often 20-30 people deep in referrals or requires for treatment so they see any dead hour as an income loss. \n\nIt does sound like she was really unaware of how crappy it is to have the charge on top of your stress and it would have been more helpful if she figured out a way to let you know about it more kindly and offered to spread it out over a few weeks along with your copay. Her heartless way of saying it sounds like she didn't mind it being a possible threat to you continuing. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9ippdr", "comment_id": "9ippdr"}, {"question": "Inositol and soda???", "description": "First, Hello, I am new here. I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 17 after I started getting excessive hair growth. I have been on and off OCPs and Spiro for years and up and down on the scale. \n\nMy A1c and fasting glucose are always normal, if not the lower end of normal, but I was looking more into inositol after reading about it here.\n\nSo my question, can I mixed inositol powder with diet soda or should it just be water?\n\nAlso weird thing happened when I googled this question. What came up was the fact that drug dealers often cut cocaine with inositol powder and one site even said the majority of people buy inositol powder are coke dealer. Whaaat?!?!?!? anyone ever heard this before? Hate to think of the NSA watching my purchases...", "answer": "It should ideally be water. You should still limit the amount of artificial sweeteners you consume. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3negoq", "comment_id": "3negoq"}, {"question": "Greeting girls down the hall", "description": "So I'm in highschool and I am socially awkward is what I think I am. I don't really struggle to make friends but when im in a conversation im usually awkward as hell and sometimes when i couldnt hear someone, i dont know what to do. Anyways, so i think the main social point in highschool is to stay relevant, and im starting to fall off from that.\n\nA week ago i was rushing to the bus and while speedwalking down the halls and this one girl (pretty nice and hot) said hi to me while i was going down the flight of stairs. I said hey to her back but it was more like a mutter and I dont believe she heard it too well. It was an awkward situation and I kind of regret not greeting her back loud enough. I thought about it for a while during the bus ride. What do i do in this scenario? So i know its been a week but similar situations happened to me in school. Should I greet all the girls I know who i pass by during the halls? Or should i ignore them and get on to get to my class? I feel like if i say hi or something and they dont hear me and just walk past me (happened often), it'll make me be awkward in front of everyone in the hall.", "answer": "I think it's good practice to give a quick greeting in passing to just about anyone so long as they make eye contact, even strangers. \n\n\nIt may be anxiety producing at first but will work wonders in helping you overcome social anxiety. On top of that, if you ever wanted to spark up a conversation with anyone, it's much easier after they've seen you around and you've greeted them, even if it's just a quick \"hello\" \"good morning\" \"hey, what's up?\" \n\nSome folks may find this off putting, but honestly, that's just usually because they're jealous of your confidence to do this or their own social anxiety is getting the best of them. More often than not, people will just see you as being polite, friendly, and confident. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7qb1w", "comment_id": "a7qb1w"}, {"question": "Question regarding mental health", "description": "Hi there guys \n\n27 year old male. 1.77m in size. Weighing around 85/87 kilograms. Non smoker, non drinker. \n\nI'm not entirely sure whether this is the correct place to ask this, but is it possible for the body to experience symptoms of illnesses/diseases that they wouldn't necessarily have?\n\nI have never gotten this confirmed by a medical professional or doctor but I would say I suffer from hypochondria and I have always wondered whether the human brain is capable of such a thing.\n\nFor example, diabetes. I might at a later point in my life get diabetes due to genetics and or poor dietary habits, a huge portion of my dad's side of the family has diabetes. My dad, his dad, his two brothers and his sister. I have looked into the symtoms every once a while throughout my life and could often only really relate to a few minor symtoms that often at time would pass or turn out to not be as severe as I made up to be, but there's been this indescribable itch in one of my fingers since last night that can't seem to leave me alone. There's also this weird tingly sensation in both of my hands. \n\nOr a few weeks ago where I had this lightheadedness that lasted for a few days, to the point where I had to hold onto walls every once a while cause it felt like I was going to fall. That too thankfully has past now, but could it really be that me imagining and thinking being dizzy and lightheaded actually resulted in me being dizzy? \n\nI always hear how powerful the brain can be, so could it be that I am underestimating my brains capabilites?\n\nI really do not want to waste anyone's time with this. There are probably a lot more people on here that require the help a lot more than I do right now.", "answer": "Yes, it\u2019s possible to have your mind and brain produce physical symptoms as a result of mood, anxiety, and stress. Any serious symptoms should still be worked up by a doctor to make sure rather than assuming, but somaticization\u2014symptoms due to psychological causes\u2014is a common and fairly normal process.\n\nIf it becomes frequent and overwhelming, that too can be treated, but only if that seems worthwhile to you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eo3t0k", "comment_id": "eo3t0k"}, {"question": "I can't tell what guy I'm hooking up with wants??", "description": "I, a freshman, have recently started hooking up with a guy I've been interested in for a long time, a senior. We go to the same school, but no one can know because I went on a date (that DID NOT go well) with one of his best friends. And his interest in me caused them to not be friends for a few months, until now - which is right at the same time that we start hanging out. Normally, how we meet up is one of us texts the other on a weekend and after our separate parties or whatever we're doing, he'll pick me up around midnight (I sneak out) and we'll go back to his house, and hang out, and talk for a little bit, and then we'll hook up for a few hours, until we both fall asleep and i go home around 6 to get home before my dad wakes up. It might sound like a booty call, but at the same time, it works for both of us. But now I'm starting to wonder if I might have feelings for him. But I know he's not the type to like girls like that. What does it sound like? Am i being paranoid or is it really just a hookup arrangement??", "answer": "ask", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vmur7", "comment_id": "5vmur7"}, {"question": "How I'm doing", "description": "I got divorced 6 weeks ago. My world collapsed around me. He moved out before that; on my 4 month sober-versary. \n\nI drank 21 days ago. I felt all the shame and realized it wasn't helpful, so I stopped feeling shame, still count the 6 months (now almost 7 before that) because those days count still. \n\nPeople ask me a lot \"How are you?\" \n\nI say fine a lot. Fine is comfortable for people and myself. Fine doesn't beg for relief or comfort. Fine doesn't open up a person to looks of pity or questions. Fine keeps people at a safe distance. \n\nFine is destroying me. \n\nI'm not fine. I am far from fine. I'm very much not okay. I am in a place that is filled with more pain that I ever though I would experience. Some days, getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other to do the things i have to do and making it to bed at night feels like running a marathon. \n\nMy heart hurts. My body hurts. I feel both like a stranger to myself and also oddly familiar. See, the hurting is softening me. Being sober is softening me. Walls are falling down and revealing all that I held inside and covered in alcohol, men, eating disorders, shopping. \n\nPain has slowed me down. It's caused me to go inward more and learn to be okay with not being okay for now. Because I will be okay. I have no idea when but I am comforted to know I will be. \n\nSome friends have reached out to me. \"HOw are you?\" My pat answer \"I am fine\" and then I paused and sent a new message. I am not fine. Everything hurts. I'm sad and I don't know when it's going to end. But I'm trying. I make my bed in the morning. I wash my face at night. Some days, the in between of those two things is a blur or a struggle. \n\nMy recovery hasn't been rainbows and butterflies. It's been thunderstorm after thunderstorm. I see now that the pain and the thunderstorm are necessary to wash away the fascade I lived behind. To soften the ground, myself, so I can learn who I really am. \n\nSo if you are struggling because your recovery feels heavy. Feels hard. I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You're not doing anything wrong. You can sit in the pain and get through you. You can be not okay for a while and still be a badass. \n\nIts okay to scream in the car. In the shower. To eat ice cream out of the container. To curl up on the couch and stare at the ceiling. It's okay to feel like putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do for that day. \n\nBut find your people. Find the people who can accept you not being okay for now. Who don't want to hear fine. Who can handle the weight you are carrying without seeing you as a burden. Find those people. Hold on to them.\n\nAnd if you are one of the okay ones, be that person to someone else. It may be the one thing that helps them get from waking up to falling asleep that day without feeling so heavy. ", "answer": "Beautifully written. You really described so well the idea of pain and the hurt of it, as well as the recovery and newness from it all. It will get better. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9e4rg8", "comment_id": "9e4rg8"}, {"question": "Anyone found a good system to keep your room clean?", "description": "My mom would always say just keep it clean as you go. That doesn't seem to work though. I clean it on weekends but it's pretty embarrassing.", "answer": "So this is how I learned to keep my house clean: start with one thing. If it\u2019s keeping clothes off the floor, desk neat, dishes in the kitchen, making the bed, whatever, start with that one thing and do that all week. You\u2019ll eventually find that something that didn\u2019t used to bother you will feel uncomfortable if you don\u2019t do it. Then slowly add the next thing once you\u2019re consistent. Save the weekend for deeper cleaning like vacuuming/changing sheets etc. \n\nFor me it stated with keepin my sink free of dishes, moved onto countertops, then keeping surfaces near in the living room, keeping the floor free of random shit, etc. I used to not even SEE dirt/messes and now that kind of thing bugs the hell out of me. And once your used to doing something it doesn\u2019t feel like a huge effort, and it\u2019s less of an effort because you don\u2019t let things get so bad. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "76k4dr", "comment_id": "76k4dr"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [21/m] and I [27/f] are having issues with communication. Are we incompatible?", "description": "Yes, I know the age difference might be a shocker (and a sign of incompatibility on it's own), but we've been getting along really well. Except for this communication issue that's been going on. \n\nBF and I have been dating for about 6 months now. We've had some concerns that we've dealt with over the course of our relationship and have successfully resolved through communicating them to one another. Lately, however, the issue of how I respond to him has been brought up several times. \n\nInstance 1: He flipped a pedestrian off while he was driving and I told him not to do that. I made a pretty big deal of it because I think it's an immature behavior that I don't want to be associated with. I didn't tell him it was immature, but said I was uncomfortable with it and told him not to do it while he was with me. He told me later that he didn't want me telling him what to do. So, I asked him how he would've preferred I respond. We didn't really resolve it. But, I apologized and told him I understood how he was feeling.\n\nInstance 2: He was telling me how caffeine increases his metabolism. I thought about it for a second and responded with \"I don't think it increases metabolism.\" He explained that he took that as me shutting him down and me telling him he was wrong. I responded by explaining that I was stating that I didn't agree with him. I told him that I knew I could be wrong, which is why I said \"I think.\" He continued to tell me that it wasn't the words I was using, but how I said it.\n\nWe don't scream and yell at each other when we fight, but we seem to have these types of fights often. And, they seem to revolve around the same issue: how I say things and how he feels when I say them. I don't think we're necessarily incompatible in other areas. But, maybe we are in terms of what we fight about. I feel like every time these issues come up I'm always apologizing. But, I've always spoken with him, and others, in this way. I don't want to feel like I have to be careful when talking to him to avoid upsetting him. Is this a sign of incompatibility? How can we fix this?", "answer": "not necessarily. couple counseling would help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74ccme", "comment_id": "74ccme"}, {"question": "I feel like I simply can't function if I get less than 8 hours of sleep", "description": "The past few days I've gotten around 7 hours of sleep and I've just been in a daze. Today was a day off but I feel I've wasted it just laying in bed because I feel fucking awful. I'm so exhausted but am having a really tough time creating a constant sleep schedule. This isn't the best thing for a college student :/", "answer": "I\ufe0f can function with less but I\ufe0f need 10+ to feel good ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7cc1jy", "comment_id": "7cc1jy"}, {"question": "Question about slightly high Carbon Dioxide in blood", "description": "31 year old male, 215 lbs\n\nJust got some lab results back. Had a carbon dioxide level of 31, normal is 28. Just curious as to what this could mean. If other levels are needed let me know.", "answer": "If this was normal blood work (basic metabolic panel, comprehensive metabolic panel, chem-7, or various other names for some of the most common tests ordered), the result labeled \"CO2\" is really measuring bicarbonate and isn't directly about respiration at all. It has more to do with your body's acid/base buffering system.\n\nA number of 31 is close enough to normal that in isolation it's usually nothing at all. The lab \"normal\" cutoffs are all set to catch too many problems rather than miss something serious.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jt63ax", "comment_id": "jt63ax"}, {"question": "When does a headache require a visit to the doctor?", "description": "F, 29, 260lb \n\nI\u2019ve had a headache for 4 days. It\u2019s mostly a dull ache and kind of everywhere. Especially behind my eyes and at the back of my head. Last night it woke me up while I was sleeping 3 times, but during the day it goes down to a manageable level. This was a bit concerning to me because usually when I have a headache it gets better when I sleep. I\u2019ve never gone to the doctor for a headache before, I usually just wait them out. Sometimes I have had headaches that have lasted several days, but I just feel like this one is worse and my head feels kind of foggy. At what point should I see a doctor? ", "answer": "Headaches that wake you from sleep aren't always serious, but they are cause for concern. You should make an appointment with a doctor sooner rather than later, and the ER wouldn't be overkill if you start having any other symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "941yuf", "comment_id": "941yuf"}, {"question": "Success with self-medicating and no therapy?", "description": "Has anyone here had success treating their anxiety via self-medicating with supplements, Nootropics, antidepressants and you name it, whilst not seeing a therapist at that same time? They all say that medication should be followed by therapy, as it is only a bandage on the wound, but has anyone actually found they are right on their own?", "answer": "Nope. In my experience both personally and with folks I've worked with, it rarely works out but just creates another method of avoiding getting the help the person actually needs.\n\n\nStudies show that people experiencing depression and/or anxiety will have the best outcomes with a combo of meds and therapy. It generally looks like this though therapy and meds> therapy w/o meds> meds without therapy> nothing at all. \n\n\nIt can be really easy to go down a slippery slope of self-medicating with addictive substances which makes the problems worse overall. Supplements and eating healthy are always going to improve your mood if vitamin deficiencies were contributing, but they're not going to solve severe issues with depression/anxiety. \n\n\nYou should never take psych meds without working with a psychiatrist and/or general practitioner. \n\n\nAs far as nootropics go, I can't remember who said this but it's spot on \"If alternative medicine worked, it would just be called medicine.\" ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9hqxcu", "comment_id": "9hqxcu"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine?", "description": "Hello. So... I had stopped taking my medication from forgetting and recently I started to take it every day (along with my paxil) and I have been getting hives all over my arms? I cant tell if this is due to taking it again everyday but... they itch. Should I take lamictal every other day until my body is on it again?\n\n50 Lamictal\n40 Paxil\n\n23 year old female", "answer": "You should not restart Lamictal until you have talked to your doctor. If you have missed more than two days, you should restart at 25 mg daily. The reason is to reduce the risk of developing both mild rashes, like what you probably have, and serious rashes (SJS).\n\nSticking with medication is hard for anyone. If you deliberately stopped, it's important to discuss. If it was a mistake, your doctor should be understanding and help you come up with a plan to avoid forgetting again. That's something doctors should do but are bad at; it matters for everything from Lamictal to antibiotics to blood pressure medications.\n\nIf the hives keep expanding, you develop blistering, or the rash expands onto any mucosa (like the inside of your mouth or nose) you need to go to an emergency room immediately. Stevens-Johnson syndrome is rare, but it is an emergency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bxgejn", "comment_id": "bxgejn"}, {"question": "I'm a lesbian. How do I minimize harm when breaking up with my boyfriend?", "description": "I finally accept it. I have been questioning it for about 8 years. When I am with him and see lesbians I get incredibly jealous.\n\nI loved the idea of him. I can imagine him being a father and a great husband. He treats me so well, but I have no interest in his dick and kissing him feels like a chore.\n\nIt's not his fault that he is in love with a lesbian.\n\nWe dated for about 4 months last year and I broke up with him for this reason. He kept pursuing me and we started again about two months ago. At first it was great, but the feelings have come back. He moved cities to be with me and is staying with me until he finds a place.\n\nI feel so guilty. I play the girlfriend role really well so I think it is going to be shocking.\n\nHow do I break up with him in the nicest way possible? Should I appear to lose interest over time or just do it?", "answer": "There is no harm. You gently tell him the truth. My brother told is 5 year high school sweetheart the truth and they are still best friends 45 years later!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xtni1", "comment_id": "6xtni1"}, {"question": "Antidepressants jump starting period (27f)", "description": "So I\u2019ve been taking sertraline for about 3 weeks. I\u2019ve lost both of my parents in less than 6 months and became guardian of my brothers so my doctor prescribed them. \n\nI got off BC last April after 3 years one them because my husband and I were trying for a baby (no luck so far) I never got my period back but over time my PCOS symptoms have come raging back. \n\nI took the sertraline for about 2 weeks and all the sudden I\u2019ve had about 3 days of really dark brown blood and half a day of bright red. It has all been really light. I can just wipe after using the restroom and it\u2019s gone until I go to the bathroom again a few hours later. \n\nWould this be considered a period? And has anyone heard of sertraline or Zoloft jumpstarting a period? ", "answer": "Yes. Absolutely yes. \nI\u2019m a psychiatrist. \n(I just wrote you on your other post about your brothers, by the way.)", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "b3qj7c", "comment_id": "b3qj7c"}, {"question": "She [24/f] is unhappy and I [24/m] am unhappy... and were getting married.", "description": "Over the last few months I feel like I don't know the person next to me and I feel her more and more distant. A year ago I moved from the States to Europe and met a wonderful upbeat girl. We met on tinder met f2f right away and fell in love. She was energetic and excited, cute and unpredictable. She is a fantastic cook and very creative. She is really good anything she does and learns extremely quickly. A year ago I thought I had found my wife. We are now a year and a few months into our relationship, we planned a wedding and even have a child on the way, she is still pregnant. A couple months back I noticed here lose determination, she started going in and out of depression and is constantly commenting on how i could do this or that better. Generally speaking I am an upbeat guy, I love to spend time outside, I find pleasure in simple things and I avoid confrontation. I buy flowers, I buy chocolates, I buy presents on any given day including all holidays celebrating female (insert word here). I don't cheat and don't stare down other women. I'm fit and tall and very hard working. I go to work form 10-6 and work after that to make sure that my salary sustains us. The problem: over the last few months she has stopped doing most activities other than occasionally cooking, painting and going to work (she works from home) my requests to go out go unanswered yet blames me that we don't go out. My requests to take walks or do physical activity fall on deaf ears but she blames me for her gaining weight. I tell her to look for other work but she does nothing and complains how hard her job is. We had a lackluster engagement due tot he fact that we did it in a hurry due to her getting pregnant. She had a birthday recently which she blames me for being lack luster and not trying which was not the case but admittedly I did not go all out. Recently she has been complaining about the engagement and I cant tell if she is happy about our child. She is always between crying and depression and I cant help but feel like its my fault. Any advice on what to do? I cant live being the person she blames for everything and also depends on everything for. I am lost. I really wanted to get married and I really wanted the child, now I am not sure I want any of it.", "answer": "go to couples therapy first", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6axs3x", "comment_id": "6axs3x"}, {"question": "When medicine fails?", "description": "After nearly two years of SSRIs and SNRIs I told my GP they were essentially useless. We agreed that I'd stop taking Venlafaxine, and start therapy instead. I'm going to see a counsellor soon, and was looking for some of your stories to speak to its efficacy. \n\nWhile I'm very depressed, I was sure that the physical symptoms (deep tiredness, joint pain, aches) were not from depression, but perhaps a thyroid problem, or haemochromatosis, both of which are big in my family. I've had multiple blood tests, all of which showed nothing to suggest these, though...\n\nMy GP basically ran out of ideas and said I should just try therapy but just how is therapy going to help this in any way? I'd really like to know. ", "answer": "I'm a huge fan of cymbalta (duloxetine) vs. venlafaxine. It also helps with physical pain, too, especially joint pain and fibro. It's unfortunately expensive, and has the same issues with withdrawl that venlafaxine does, though they are slightly less severe.\n\nAs for therapy, therapy is legit 100% the best thing I ever did. Therapy can help in a multitude of ways as modernman2 said. It also can provide you with a \"baseline\" and a mentor who will be unbiased, yet always work in support of you. There are many kinds of therapy, and many kinds of therapists. It make take a try or two to find the right one, but don't hesitate to find someone with whom you are comfortable working with.\n\nI had severe depression, so bad I could not function. At all. I went from being unable to leave the house for over a year (I didn't even go outside), to several years later, going back to college and getting a 3.9 GPA. Therapy helped make this possible.\n\nDon't get me wrong - therapy is a lot of hard work. It's difficult and trying sometimes. It's exhausting. It's also the best thing I've ever done for myself.\n\nI also think that a lot of our illness is due to environment and life circumstance. Not all, certainly, however a large component of it is behavioral and not merely biological.\n\nWhatever you wind up doing, good luck!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yv3l4", "comment_id": "yv3l4"}, {"question": "How to and where to get testing.", "description": "I'm kindof stressed out right now and not really sure what to say in this. If I calm down later or tomorrow I'll try to come edit this to a better explanation but thank you in advance to anyone who responds. \n\nOver the past 3 months, I've been recommended that I get tested for ADHD or a similar attention disorder from 2 separate people who have it, both drawing on experiences they've seen me have and guessing at past experiences I've had that were right on the money that tie into symptoms if ADHD. Ive had thoughts in the past about this but have just brushed them aside thinking this is how everyone gets, but the more I talk with people who and do my own research I feel that I may actually have this. \n\nBut I don't want to self-diagnose or throw myself into a self-induced panic spree again, so I'm looking for options for testing and diagnosis from some sort of professional, just so I can have concrete answers and my feelings and concerns confirmed or assuaded. I've been putting this off for so long but this is the only way I can think of rn to start the process of looking and holding myself accountable. \n\nThank you", "answer": "Where do you live? It's different in different countries where you can go.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bzlboo", "comment_id": "bzlboo"}, {"question": "Am I the only one making sacrifices?", "description": "\nI (22F) have been with my bf (25M) going on three months and I'm wondering if I'm the only one making any sacrifices in our sex life.\n\nHe was pretty forthcoming early on with his expectation of sex every day. He sees this as an important part of a relationship. I thought this was unusual as my previous bf didn't expect sex every day. I'm usually pretty good with reciprocating his sexual advances, but sometimes I just don't want it. He sometimes makes comments that makes me feel guilty about not wanting it (joking or not!).\n\nHe refuses to wear a condom because he says \"it feels like taking a shower in a raincoat\". As I am unable to go on the pill due to being prone to migraines, I opted for the implant so as to ensure I don't get pregnant. I've been having major side effects from it and am considering getting it removed (bf does not agree with this - but I don't care because it's MY body that's being wrecked). I'm also not very keen to try other birth control methods such as the IUD.\n\nI get pretty uncomfortable during/after sex \"down there\". It feels like I've been stretched out and it slightly burns (a torn feeling?). This torn feeling lasts at least a day and if we have sex while it still hurts, it gets so much worse and/or he can't even get inside me. I suggested we use lube to see if that helps but he says he prefers \"natural lubrication\" and that we should just do more foreplay. I can definitely say more foreplay doesn't help. I'm unsure of why this is happening since I do tend to get extremely wet. I've never had this problem with other partners, though I've almost always used condoms, and he is larger than my previous partners.\n\nLast night I actually discovered a pea-sized lump just below my clitoris that hurts when I touch it and is very uncomfortable if I sit or stand a certain way. I'm not too concerned at this point but I will go see a doctor if it's still there in a couple of days.\n\nI've had various STI tests in the last couple months (all clear), but my bf has never had one and is not open to it. He says he's clean because he's never noticed any symptoms and I've tried to tell him that he wouldn't necessarily have any symptoms and could still have an STI. I'm concerned because he is so clearly against wearing condoms and has had around 6 sexual partners.\n\nSometimes I just feel like I'm there as a tool for him to get off. I regularly feel shitty after sex even though I'm pretty sure I love him.\n\nI'm seeing him tonight and am unsure of how to bring all this up.\n\nTL;DR - bf won't get STI checked even though he refuses to wear condoms, wants sex every day and makes me feel guilty when I don't want it, I get sore regularly and he won't use lube. Noticed a pea-sized lump below my clit. How do I bring it all up to him?", "answer": "why are you with this guy?????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wg2py", "comment_id": "6wg2py"}, {"question": "I'm mourning the death of my old self", "description": "Alcohol was so entrenched in my life ever since I was a kid. Everything 'fun' my parents ever did revolved around alcohol. Having a dinner party just meant getting drunk over a plate of food. Going to see family meant getting drunk with the family. The only time I ever saw my miserable parents happy was when they where drunk. When I got older everything I did for fun revolved around alcohol. Going to see a band meant getting drunk in front of a stage. Going to game at my friends house meant getting drunk in front of a controller. Visiting girlfriends family meant getting drunk with in laws. All my life the idea of people who didnt drink was mocked by every adult I knew, wine and beer where the ultimate joy, the greatest thing in the world, the only way any one could have fun. Looking back it's pathetic. My inner dialogue still equates everything considered fun relaxing or celebratory to alcohol. I still think to myself I need a 'treat' on the weekends. Treats are what you use to stop dogs defecating in the house. I'm scared of the unknown. Since the age of 15 I've been known as the party animal, it was my identity. I'm now an adult and haven't got a clue who I really am. If I'm not the beer chugging, weed smoking, wacky party guy then just who am I? Looking in the mirror as a full grown man and not knowing who I see freaks me out. The old me isn't there he was an illusion but I wore that mask for so long I believed it was my own face. I don't know who I am but I guess its time to find out.", "answer": "When I got sober and had some time, I felt the same way. I had no idea who I was, what my principles were, what I believed in morally and politically; any of it. I learned so much about myself in the first few years it was amazing. Discovering who I really am was a journey that really made my sobriety that much better. Then I later threw it away, but that\u2019s another story all together. When I was in rehab, there was a guy who kept saying \u201cI look forward to the death of self.\u201d It was his mantra or some shit. It made a ton of sense. So, I would say embrace the death of your old self, and buckle up and look forward to learning who you REALLY are. It\u2019s a hell of a journey.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cy86vd", "comment_id": "cy86vd"}, {"question": "Went to a Young People's AA meeting tonight (thanks strangesobriety)", "description": "I mentioned in another thread that a the piece that seemed to be missing from my list of coping skills was having sober friends. In response, strangesobriety recommended a Young People's AA group. Turns out it was a great decision!\n\nMost of the people were roughly my age and it was a fairly large and very welcoming group. As the end of the meeting approached, my plan was to make a fairly quick exit since a lot of people seemed to know each other. I forced myself to stick around and clean up and a guy introduced himself to me immediately. Also, this meeting has a regular social planned afterward which I attended. By the end of the night, I had 3 numbers to call and a possible sponsor. \n\nAgain, the main reason I want to invest in this is for social support and new friends. I am keeping as open a mind as possible, but there are a few things that have been pestering me about the meeting. First, my mind kept comparing my story to others and saying that I'm not that bad off so maybe I can keep drinking. But I also realize that the only guaranteed way to not end up worse is to not drink. Also, I am a bit worried about the higher power thing. I am an atheist and I am fine with other's being religious, but I will not fake a belief in a god to be a part of the group. We will see how this goes. I am gonna call the guy who first introduced himself tomorrow to discuss a possible sponsorship. I hope he's not a bible beater.\n\nOverall though, it was a mostly positive experience and I plan to use the parts that I find helpful and leave the rest (i.e., god, the belief among some that constant meetings are necessary). Thanks again strangesobriety.", "answer": "A sponsor is a guide through the steps. If you're not gonna work the steps I have a feeling that the sponsor-sponsee relationship isn't going to work out. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hapxn", "comment_id": "1hapxn"}, {"question": "I live my life by the tyranny of the interesting", "description": "Anything that's not \"interesting\" is like pulling teeth to start. \n\nAnything that IS interesting is like pulling teeth to STOP.", "answer": "Boredom = kryptonite", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b1x6vb", "comment_id": "b1x6vb"}, {"question": "Hi there, I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post, but I am in dire straights in need to quit drinking. I need some advice.", "description": "I have been drinking heavily for the past 15 years and recently it has gotten worse. The past two months I have drank enough each night to pass out from drinking. This usually consist of drinking between 12 to 15 drinks per night of various kinds. I feel as if I have no one to talk too. Not my wife, parents, or every friend that I have had in college because I have disconnected myself with them. For the past six years I have been making around 80k a year, but got fired from my job due to my addiction. Now I am making around 15k and am barely scraping by. I have the basic insurance and can't afford rehab at all. When I was 15 I had a deep depression that caused me to gain 40lbs and drink heavily, however this time is worse. I have gained 80lbs in the past year and my health is seriously deteriorating. I have tried AA and other groups, but it just doesn't seem to work. I am in a serious deep depression over this and worry that I may lose my wife and everything over my addiction. My only safe zone is at work, but once I get home I immediately start drinking. My wife isn't really a help either. She drinks a bunch, but doesn't see it like I do. I have in no way thought of suicide or even considered it. That's just not the way to go. I have way to much to live for so I don't need any consideration for suicide hotlines. I am currently on Lexapro which doesn't help that much at all. I am seeing my doctor this week and may approach him for information. Currently with my insurance it will cost a $100 a night for outpatient rehab. I can not afford this at all. Is there free outpatient places that let you stay overnight so you won't drink or free rehab places for a few days? I have no urge at all to drink during the daytime it is only around 10:00 at night or so. I also have sever anxiety from PTSD and am on medication from that. It was fine for about 8 years, but it has resurfaced as well. Please, if you can give me any guidance I will be extremely grateful. Thanks for reading and I look forward to some advice.", "answer": "Just going to an AA meeting isn't what keeps the people there sober. Working the program is what keeps people sober. If you're gonna go to meetings you have to throw yourself into the program.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1aihcz", "comment_id": "1aihcz"}, {"question": "Looking for a book to help understand", "description": "I recently had a serious relationship end, I believe due in large part to my partner\u2019s depression. I have been lucky to live a life that has been fairly free of mental health struggles, and don\u2019t feel like I have a good grasp on the way that depression effects a person, and their relationships. Our relationship ended suddenly, and without explanation, and has left me something of a wreck. \n\nI am hoping to find a text on depression that will shed some light on its effects, and help me understand what she was going through. Does anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "Not a novel [but this is a good start](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx). Also has a short video.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "51mcgv", "comment_id": "51mcgv"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "Why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "5tm4jo"}, {"question": "How to end a FWB with no hard feelings?", "description": "I wanted to be friends with benefits with a man and we both agreed to do it. There is just one problem. I want", "answer": "hard feelings are out of your control. do what you need to do", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sn0yn", "comment_id": "5sn0yn"}, {"question": "In a new relationship, is it natural to want to explore new people or does that signal I'm not really happy?", "description": "I [27/m] just started dating someone [24/m] four months ago and we're not seeing other people. It's my first real relationship. I think he's great and I like him a lot. We met on a dating app. I never deleted my apps and recently an old swipe came through as a match. The new match is trying to initiate conversation. Part of me wants to talk to the new match to see what he's all about. Is this temptation a normal part of being human and I should just learn to ignore it and focus on building my current relationship, or is this a sign that I'm not totally happy with my current situation?", "answer": "I think you're not quite ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bduqp", "comment_id": "6bduqp"}, {"question": "How to handle anxiety??", "description": "Hi, I (23f) was diagnosed with anxiety roughly 3 years ago, but couldn\u2019t find a therapist I clicked with long enough to actually help me figure out how to manage/work through it. The longest I stayed with a therapist was 4 months, and the more I saw them the more anxious I got about seeing them. I have periods where my anxiety is less severe, but it\u2019s been rough lately. Between covid, a job that I hate, and my small ass apartment in a shitty area that I can\u2019t afford to leave, I feel like my anxiety keeps getting worse and I don\u2019t know how to talk to anyone about it. I tried with my mom, but I just panicked and cried through the whole conversation and couldn\u2019t string my thoughts into sensible sentences.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s worth saying that finding the right therapist is important but if every therapist isn\u2019t working, it could be a sign that you might need a therapist to help you figure out what is getting in the way by being totally honest about what\u2019s happening in the relationship. So this means being honest about your pattern to leave due to anxiety at a certain time marker. Unfortunately the only wayto get better from anxiety is confronting feared situations in safe and healthy ways. Since your treatment target is anxiety and anxiety is stopping you from treatment you have to work with the therapist to push through that in the relationship. Also recommend a therapist who will do CBT and exposure therapy as it\u2019s super evidence based for anxiety if done right.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hkb5ae", "comment_id": "hkb5ae"}, {"question": "Questioning diagnosis of Asperger's - could use some external input.", "description": "I've already posted this in /r/aspergers, but I feel like I could use a broader perspective. This is going to be a lengthy question, so please bear with me.\n\nWhen I was six years old, I was given an unofficial diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome following a 2-3 week psychiatric assessment. There were a number of things that led my parents and other caregivers to suspect that I had some form of autism or PDD. These include:\n\n\u2022 A language delay; my mom used flash cards to teach me how to identify certain objects. I grew past this when I was 2.\n\n\u2022 Social seclusion (but not complete withdrawal; I've always had friends).\n\n\u2022 Unusually strong rote memory.\n\n\u2022 Difficulties staying focused in school + slow pace of work.\n\n\u2022 Preoccupation with very specific objects of interest (e.g. the names of songs and how often they are actually mentioned in the lyrics - this has also been outgrown).\n\n\u2022 Periods of intense interest in certain topics. I went through phases for each of the following: the weather (partly due to my fear of thunderstorms), outer space, Ancient Greek mythology, Nintendo (particularly The Legend of Zelda), the Middle East, Turkey - just to name a few.\n\n\u2022 Very fidgety with toys, shuffling them with my fingers and imagining stories based on envisioned characters.\n\n\u2022 Sensitivity to sound and touch. As a kid, I covered my ears whenever there was a thunderstorm. I also needed to be told in advance if there was going to be a fire drill, because the alarm really affected me. I always used to have the tags of my clothes taken off before wearing them, otherwise they were incredibly irritating.\n\n\u2022 From the ages of 6-8 or so, I physically and verbally abused myself. I would slap myself on the hand repeatedly until it left red marks, and I'd bite my arm hard enough to leave tooth imprints. I'd refer to myself as \"pathetic\", the \"son of the devil\", a \"bad boy\", etc. Then from 9-11 or so, I would blame myself for things that I didn't even do. I've always had extremely low self-esteem.\n\n\u2022 I think I do have some stereotyped patterns of behaviour. From what I've heard, I used to flap my hands when I was 2 or so. I also rub my hands against my legs to calm myself, and there was a time when I'd rock back and forth in my chair to relieve anxiety.\n\n\u2022 Temper tantrums as a kid.\n\n\u2022 Tendency to be a bit literal-minded, slow to catch on to a joke (mostly outgrown).\n\n\u2022 Traditionally uncomfortable in group settings, oftentimes falls behind the conversation.\n\nAnd yet, even taking all of this into consideration, I have always questioned the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. The reason is that I don't feel as if I've ever been any worse at reading others than ordinary people.\n\nI am extremely sensitive to the signals given off by others. I can sense when I've made somebody uncomfortable, annoyed, or if they're disinterested in whatever it is I'm talking about. I can discern between sincerity and feigned emotion. I'm pretty good at holding conversations with others, and I have never had any issues with making friends.\n\nHowever, if you've read some of my previous posts, in which I detail my tendency to be persistent when I perceive rejection, you'd probably be left with a totally different impression. Here's the thing - I tend to automatically assume the absolute worst-case scenario in many instances, especially when it comes to women. Someone's not replying to my messages all of a sudden? It's because I creeped them out and they want me to go away. It's never their fault, it's always my fault. I'd often say to myself: \"Jesus Christ, how thick could you be? Is it not blatantly obvious that she doesn't want you around? Stop being so creepy and take the damned hint. What's wrong with you?\" It used to be that I would get angry and lash out at those who I felt were trying to get rid of me, ultimately driving them away regardless of whether or not they had anything against me in the first place.\n\nThen there's the fact that I was a very socially awkward teenager - the kind who openly obsessed over his crushes and acted erratically when he was nervous. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I felt like a fish out of water and the butt of everyone's jokes. I didn't know if I was just imagining things, or if what I believed was the truth.\n\nThe bottom line is, I don't know how skilled I really am at reading people. My diagnosis should indicate that I lack some degree of self-awareness, yet I feel like it's the opposite - I'm extremely attuned to the world around me. I scrutinize my every move and reflect heavily on my past mistakes.\n\nThere are other areas where I function better than most others who are on the spectrum. Although I am averse to change (especially if it's sudden and throws a monkey wrench into my plans), I do not follow a rigid daily routine of any sort. I have no problems with eye contact or nonverbal communication.\n\nAnd it's not just me, either - there is a lot of disagreement over whether or not I have Asperger's, even among professionals. In July 2014, I met a psychiatrist who completely disagreed with the diagnosis, saying there was \"no indication of that\". On the other hand, my aunt (who is a social worker) still believes very strongly that I have the condition. And then there's at least one aunt from the other side of my family that has expressed serious doubts about the veracity of the label, describing me as \"very sociable\". I have friends who don't find there's anything different about me when compared with other people. My parents have wavered a lot on the subject. I don't know what to believe, and I've never gotten a clear answer.\n\nI went to see another psychiatrist this year for assistance in getting on permanent disability ($1500/month). We used Asperger's as the justification for doing so, although the real reason is long-term severe depression. I told him very early on that I was diagnosed with ASD. Although he did run with it, I get the sense that he doesn't put a whole lot of stock into the clinical terminology and likely sees them more as labels.\n\nAsperger's is a pervasive developmental disorder. In my mind, you can't just exhibit a few of the symptoms without most of the others. With Asperger's, the good goes hand-in-hand with the bad. The inability to read social cues is mandatory for a diagnosis to even be considered. I tend to take things too personally when I really shouldn't (i.e. taking offence when someone speaks to me in a forceful tone), but I don't know if that's what is meant by \"social impairment\" in this context. It's also not something that can be outgrown. If I had it at the age of six, then I'd also have it right now as a 22-year-old, and I'll still have it when I'm on my deathbed.\n\nRegardless of what my relatives say, this is important to me. Whether or not I have Asperger's means the difference between a simple lack of self-confidence that can be overcome with experience, and a fundamental impairment in social interaction that will never really go away. The fact that I have this diagnosis has caused me significant distress in my life; it has made me question my own judgment in dating and relationships. I have never explicitly asked a woman out before because I keep shooting myself down before making a move - \"just because she <insert gesture here>, doesn't mean she likes you.\" In high school it became such an obsession for me that I grew paranoid and began having perception issues. My classmates were really uncomfortable around me because I was behaving so strangely. I also feel like it has been used by my parents as ammunition to undermine my point of view.\n\nDoes anyone here have any insights into my situation? What advice would you give me going forward?", "answer": "Honestly, you should continue to be reassessed. Your aunt, even if she is a social worker, should never have her clinical opinion be taken into when it comes to you, her relative. It really doesn't sound to me like any form of autism, but diagnosis online is never a good idea. But seriously, if you don't buy it, keep looking. Therapy can help with all of the negative thoughts you've been dealing with, too. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3eb8qk", "comment_id": "3eb8qk"}, {"question": "I need advice on how to cope with thoughts of self harm", "description": "I feel so overwhelmed right now, I'm so close to self harming and I don't know how to deal with it. Does anybody have advice", "answer": "Snap a rubber band around your wrist, use a red marker on your skin, or squeeze an ice cube", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dmkm6s", "comment_id": "dmkm6s"}, {"question": "How to Prep for Psychiatry Appt?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nI tend to second guess myself before appointments with a psychiatrist, and I'm trying to go in to my appointment Friday prepared. \n\nThe situation is: I saw this psychiatrist a few times nine months ago, then I went to rehab where a GP managed my meds, and now I want to start working with her again. What pushed me to make the call was I had this strange \"flare up\" of anxiety, then depression... it only lasted a week (been better last few days). Otherwise, I've been pretty stable. \n\nI have a therapist, group therapy, and a \"emotion diary card\" that I fill out every day (ranking the primary emotions 0 - 5). Most of the anxiety or sadness I experience generally relates to circumstances and isn't an ever-present thing. How can I possibly say if I need a med change, being that my mental landscape is the only one I know? (See, it's confusing!)\n\nHow to go into this effectively? Thank you in advance!! Even minor tips appreciated.", "answer": "Just be very honest with your history and what's been going on. They may make some changes, they may not. The absolute most important things when talking to a psychiatrist are as follows\n\n1. Always be honest with your psychiatrist, especially about any suicidal/homicidal ideation.\n2. Always be completely honest about whether you have followed medication recommendations and have taken meds as prescribed. Make sure to let them know if you often forget or skip days.\n3. Be up front with your psychiatrist regarding any concerns you have about medication. Remember, just because a psychiatrist recommends something or prescribes certain medication, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to (though you probably should if you trust them). If you are concerned about certain side effects, want to titrate down, or simply don't want an increase, let them know. A good psychiatrist will work with you on this. \n4. Lastly, always be 100% honest regarding the frequency of drinking/drug use as this can have a huge impact on the effectiveness of medication and could make the use of some medication extremely dangerous. \n\nIt's hard to imagine because we put doctors and psychiatrists on a pedestal believing they always know best. After spending years in the field and working with a number of psychiatrists, I've come to realize, it's just a trial and error type thing based off a highly educated guess that is based off of what you tell them. This is why complete honesty is key.\n\nHope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6voo89", "comment_id": "6voo89"}, {"question": "[25f] Need help overcoming resentment towards my husband [36m]", "description": "First thing is first, my husband is a good man and I love him very very much. So about 2 years ago I left a dream job in a dream apartment to move in with my then fiance (we are married now). Turns out I hate my new job, his house is terrible and I have since then poured thousands of my own money trying to fix it up, I am away from all of my close friends and family, and I gave up my most treasured hobby so that we could start a family. \n\nI just feel like I have sacrificed so much to move up here and I feel like I am harboring feelings of resentment. It comes out in passive aggressiveness snd sometimes I even feel like I WANT to make him feel bad because I am so unhappy. \n\nAny ideas? Besides counseling. I feel like it is more my problem and I have counseling sessions once every 2 weeks. ", "answer": "you have sacrificed a lot. the thing to do is talk to him about the ways you're unhappy,and try to reach a new consensus about things. marriage, like life, requires regular re-evaluation, because it's fluid, it's ever changing. in nuts and bolts terms, you might say that marriage is a compendium of a million contracts, some big, some small. usually they have to get re-negotiated from time to time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pun0z", "comment_id": "5pun0z"}, {"question": "have you ever knowingly misdiagnosed a patient because it was more convenient for you.", "description": "Have you ever come across a patient who you knew had a certain disorder, but knew you didn\u2019t know enough about it to help them so just decided to diagnose them with a different condition and help them with that instead -because it was easier for you. Just curious.", "answer": "One diagnosis is not more convenient than the other. Do you have an example? Sometimes I have to do some extra research and lit reviews for assessment, but not for therapy. \n\nI have seen veterans whose disability coverage is based on a previous diagnosis. If i disagree with the diagnosis, I won't change it if it will impact the person 's benefits . That's not for MY convenience though.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hkifhd", "comment_id": "hkifhd"}, {"question": "My (24m) Girlfriend (24f) still writes with a guy she used to have cyber sex with before our relationship.", "description": "So I just found out that my gf used to write very romantically with a guy who lives in another country and even had cyber sex with him. I also found out that she is still writing with him albeit not having cyber sex with him. I have very confused emotions right now since I always fully trusted her and she was the one having very large problems with jealousy. What would be the right way to approach this topic? I feel kinda cheated since we were always honest to each other and she told everything but this.\n\ntl;dr: girlfriend writes with a guy she hade cyber sex with and I feel betrayed.", "answer": "this is bad,", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b447n", "comment_id": "6b447n"}, {"question": "Im 24m, Lots of mens turns around my girlfriend 21f", "description": "My girlfriend and I are in couple for 2 years and a half now. I really love her, but our relation is like a rollercoaster.\n\nShe slept with two mans at the start of our relation, so i losed my faith in her. We slowy reconstructed it, and now we live in appartement together. We were pretty happy and had lot of times togethers, talking about everything, our lifes, our lifes goals, our passions, and we got a nice complicity. \n\nBut she started hanging in a bar like 4 month ago, a gaming bar. (she is a LOL player btw, gold XD) \nShe started to have a lot of friends in here, and she started going late. Im working at night, so we couldnt hang to much together here, and now i am not a very big part of their friends circles. \n\nBut the trouble is, that now she start to hanging with guys outside of the bar. The other day she goes at a guys house, and she only told me when she was here, but she didnt stay that long. \nShe invited him to go drink a coffee after. \n\nNow she started hanging too with a guy that wanted to slept with her when we started to see each others, telling me that there is nothing between them, but she invited him to go ''smoke some weed'' together, and i dont know what to think about those stuff.\n\nMan i love her, and i know she love me, but it is very difficult for me to have faith in her. There is so much man that tried her, because she is just super nice to everyone. \n\nShe is telling me that she does not know what im talking about, that everything is innocent stuff, that she is happy to be a women that stopped betraying is boyfriend, and to not worry.\n\nBut i worry. What should i do?", "answer": "There is a strong history of cheating here and you should worry", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swqa6", "comment_id": "5swqa6"}, {"question": "Asking people for help finding a job. ", "description": "Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Is there a Career Skills subreddit? Anyway, it's social enough. \n\nTwo years I had a college internship with a company. I am facebook friends with some of my co-workers, but I haven't kept in touch aside from generic \"Happy Birthday\" posts and the occasional like. \n\nI don't know how to approach my friends looking for work. I've hardly talked to them in a long time. I know they'd remember me, but I feel weird just being \"Hey, now that I'm done with college, can I have a job?\"\n\nCompany background: It was one of many owned by a larger family of companies. Anyway, the business I worked for shut down, but many of my former co-workers are at a sister company owned by the same larger group, while some are at other businesses in the same industry. \n\n", "answer": "You might want to add in a friendly overture in addition to asking for a job. Ie \"Blah blah blah can you help me get a job? Regardless, would you be up for getting lunch sometime?\" That way your job request seems more friendly, and as a bonus if you do end up working there you've made a friend :)\n\nOf course, only do this if you actually want to spend time with the person socially. If you hate the thought of hanging out with them, they'll probably sense your insincerity and that will torpedo your chances of them recommending you for a job.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "v8q9g", "comment_id": "v8q9g"}, {"question": "Is this an appropriate therapist/patient relationship?", "description": ".", "answer": "It sounds like there were definitely some blurred boundaries and potentially (though not definitely) ethical violations.\n\nBoundaries-wise, there seemed to be some blurred professional lines- especially with her calling for \"small-talk.\" While it is not unusual for a therapist to provide a client a cell phone for crises or other consultation, the phone conversations ought to remain within a professional context. \n\nTelling a client that you care about them and are happy to see them isn't necessarily problematic (depending on the person's intentions). However, the therapist should take into account how the client would be likely to respond to that. Hugging a client is not necessarily problematic and can actually be therapeutic at times. However- again this is dependent on therapist intention, the context, and whether the therapist takes into account how the client is likely to respond. Holding hands- at least in American culture- could be definitely seen as a boundary violation and potentially an ethical violation (depending on intention, context, etc.) It could be benign, but it does come across as odd. \n\nHowever- if a client is calling drunk and confessing their love for the therapist, he should have had the insight to realize that hugging, hand holding, etc. could be quite problematic. \n\nAs far as the hospital- there is no inherent ethical violation at face value. Hospitals often insist on patients having a scheduled referral before discharge. Intention here is important- if he fully intended to treat her, then his acceptance of the referral is not problematic. At the time she sees him, he had no ethical or legal obligation to do anything about what she said unless he had a reasonable suspicion that she plans to kill herself. \n\nIt is a murky, if odd, case. There are definitely some questionable boundaries, but we would need to know more about the therapist's intentions and observations to truly know whether it is unethical. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "413u0s", "comment_id": "413u0s"}, {"question": "Novice Questions", "description": "I am 16/m and haven't really been in a relationship. I like this girl who is a year older (she's a senior and I'm a junior) and we talk in class and smile as we pass in the hallways. We have two classes and a few activities in common. I tried to set up plans once but she took an hour to respond so by that time I was already busy... We are on break now until the 12th and I am wondering if I should try and awkwardly arrange plans dealing with her vacation schedule and practice schedule for soccer, or if it would be better to be upfront and say something like \"I like you and I want to get to know you better, is there anytime when you would be free.\" I don't want the next semester to be uncomfortable because I am also friends (not very close) with some of her friends so I am wondering which of these courses of action would be better. Or if something else would be better. Sorry if some details seem irrelevant I just don't know where to start. ", "answer": "i would just say, 'do you want to get some coffee sometime'", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kz0qt", "comment_id": "5kz0qt"}, {"question": "Anxiety in good times and bad", "description": "Today I'm uncomfortably excited, and I don't know why. It's kind of an awesome feeling, but it's so similar to my default of being uncomfortably anxious and depressed and not knowing why; it's just the positive version of that.\n\nI'm finding it quite interesting that even on a good day like this the anxiety is still there in the same quantity, with just a different quality.\n\nI wonder if I'm manic depressive, my father has been diagnosed with that disorder...", "answer": "Glad to hear that you're having a good day. Something that a lot of people don't realize is that EVERYONE has anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of existence. It serves an evolutionary purpose in that it motivates us do what we need for survival. \n\nSome folks have higher amounts of anxiety than others.\n\nIndividuals with Anxiety Disorders are those who have high amounts of anxiety and whose anxiety cause debilitating effects on their ability to function \"normally\". \n\nWhen I talk of anxiety like this with my clients, I equate it to having a fire burning inside you. If fire is not controlled and left to run rampant, it can cause immense destruction. When fire is controlled and utilized in positive means, it can be one of the most important tools we have as humans. \n\nFolks with higher anxiety have to work harder than those with lower levels of anxiety, but once controlled and focused, can actually give you an advantage in a lot of ways as opposed to someone who has lower anxiety but doesn't have to work as hard. \n\nAs far as the thoughts on bipolar disorder. It'd be best to avoid looking for any type of self-diagnosis or arm-chair diagnosis on the internet. If you are legitimately concerned, see a professional.\n\nHope this helps!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8b7df5", "comment_id": "8b7df5"}, {"question": "Sudden blurry/unfocused vision possibly caused by antidepressants?", "description": "Age: 23\nSex: Female\nHeight: 5'9\nWeight: 140\nRace: Mixed race (Caucasian & Black) \nDuration of complaint: 4 days\nCurrent medications : Sertraline(Zoloft) 200mg \n Quetiapine(Seroquel) 50mg \n\n\nHello! So, 6 days ago I had my Sertraline dosage increased from 150mg to 200mg and my Quetiapine dosage increased from 25mg to 50mg. Ever since, my vision has been blurry and unfocused. I have never had any issues with my eyes or vision and was seeing perfectly fine before the medication increase. Is this a possible side effect of the increase? Should I be worried? Will it go away on it own once this my body is more used to the dosage? I have been on Sertraline for almost 2 years now and have never had these symptoms, same with Quetiapine.\n\nThank you for reading! ", "answer": "Possibly - but it should settle. As a general rule, if it persists longer than you think it should or its too severe, speak to your doc.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rg161", "comment_id": "6rg161"}, {"question": "Why am I SO hungry all the time... I shouldn\u2019t be so hungry. I\u2019m eating my calories but I have the urge to eat more more more until I feel full and then throw up", "description": "Somethings wrong with me. I want to cry so bad.", "answer": "Have you gotten a check-up or talked to your doctor to rule out a physiological cause yet?", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hlrtp7", "comment_id": "hlrtp7"}, {"question": "Getting married in 2 months... extremely uncomfortable", "description": "I'll try to keep this short. I (M/29) proposed to to my girlfriend (F/28) after 8 months of dating. She has a child from a previous marriage. It's been extremely rocky since early-summer and we're due to be married in November. She has gotten physically abusive with me three times over arguments; I would never even think of doing the same to her. In order for her to listen to my opinion on anything I have to basically pack a bag, grab my stuff and threaten to leave. Every time I do though she gets aggressive and throws the fact that her child will be heartbroken in my face. We're living together.\n\nThe relationship is very one-sided. She does whatever she wants, when she wants; I feel like I'm just along for the ride.\n\nNot bragging but I'm very successful for my age so I don't feel like I'm at the end of my rope, so to speak.\n\nI know deep down none of this is right but she wants to work on it. Is there any hope here or should I throw in the towel.", "answer": "I wouldn't marry anyone who was abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7063nz", "comment_id": "7063nz"}, {"question": "I (19/FTM) don't understand how I feel about my best friend (22M). Not sure how to process or explain my emotions.", "description": "This may be a bit long and ramble-y. Throwaway because friends know my real account.\n\nEmotions don't make a lot of sense to me. I can understand basic stuff, but when it comes to things like feelings for other people, I just get really confused and it makes my head feel really foggy. I know I care deeply for all of my friends. I do know that I know how it feels to care platonically about someone. I know I love my little sisters and my friends. But I'm not sure if I've ever experienced or would even recognize romantic feelings.\n\nI've dated before. And of course, every time, I thought I loved the person. That's how it goes, and I'm young. I just broke up with my previous girlfriend of 2 years a few months ago, and I was certain I loved her. We lived together for awhile and I was convinced I wanted to spend my life with her until I realized she was toxic and didn't want me to have any sort of friends besides her. She was forcing me to cut contact with pretty much everyone and it took me way to long to realize what she was doing. But I thought I loved her. And I am 100% for sure I did at the very least care deeply for her. Even after the break up, I was concerned for her well being and wanted to help when able. But it took me less than a month to be completely over her and to decide whatever love I thought I had either just wasn't actually love or it was already gone. \n\nNow, I'm currently sleeping with my best friend of 3ish years (which I would assume has something to do with the confusing feelings). This is where things get complicated and confusing for me. I don't *think* I like him romantically. I have no desire to kiss him or anything like that. But I do want to be able to hold his hand and cuddle him, which makes it a little confusing. But that's not even the part that's really screwing with me, because I get that wanting to touch just comes with sex. I keep finding thoughts crossing my mind about how he would be a good partner in terms of a relationship. As in, I know he's reliable, and would carry his weight, and would be loyal and not batshit crazy like my ex. It kind of feels like logically I want to date him, but the emotional aspect of that isn't there. I think. Again, I'm not entirely sure what it even feels like to have those sorts of feelings for someone? \n\nIt's taken me forever to get to the point, but basically, I don't know what to do about these feelings. If I try to crack it apart and put it into coherent thought, it seems like I want to date him platonically if that even makes any sense. But it somehow still doesn't make sense to me even though I'm the one saying it. Like I could see myself potentially having a stable future with him if I pursued it, but at the same time it wouldn't bother me for him to sleep with someone else. Kind of as if I want commitment without commitment. He's my best friend and I want to be with him and yet not like the way stereotypical relationships are. I know this makes very little sense, trying to think about this makes my head feel foggy and leaves me incredibly confused. I had an anxiety attack yesterday trying to force it make sense to myself, for some dumb reason. I'm not even sure how what I seem to want would be any different from what we're already doing aside from formalities.\n\n\n**TL;DR: I want to date my friend that I'm already sleeping with but I don't think I feel romantically for him. I have no damn clue what my brain is trying to think, I don't understand what I'm feeling or wanting at all.**", "answer": "sounds like your preference is really as a best friend. you'll have to talk with him and hope he's ok with the change", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktd4c", "comment_id": "5ktd4c"}, {"question": "I keep fucking up therapy (xpost /r/depression)", "description": "I told my therapist I was ready to acknowledge some of my feelings and talk about the beliefs that lead to said feelings. This was like, 3 sessions/weeks ago. But every single time we start to talk, I just shut down. I can talk about my week, my day, etc, but the minute we enter I guess real therapy I just shut down. She knows it too. Quickly I become quiet and I answer I don't know to every single question. I can't sit still. I do my homework but find it impossible to talk about. She keeps telling me she can't help me if I don't want to help myself, which is true. I thought I wanted to help myself but I keep fucking up and then I just beat myself up. I want to run back to her and talk but then the minute I'm there and have the opportunity to I just can't. Like fuck. I'm not getting better and its my fucking fault.", "answer": "Maybe you ought to explore with her the beliefs and feelings you have about sharing your feelings. Maybe explore any memories related to issues you've had with sharing your feelings in the past, as a child, etc, or whether or not it was something accepted in your family. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "29mkiz", "comment_id": "29mkiz"}, {"question": "When you hug your patients, is the hug comforting to you as much as you think it is for them?", "description": "Or even a little comfort. \n\nI'm just wondering if this is something therapists just do to get it over with or if they also find the hug meaningful, important, delightful (as I assume the client does too, of course probably a lot more just bcuz of the process of theraputic relationship)?\n\n\nI get the sense most therapists *hate* if not dislike hugging their clients for multiple reasons.\n\nI think I'm going to ask my therapist for a hug because it's one of my most important needs and wants. I want to feel accepted which physical touch symbolises. Unfortunately my trauma history makes it pretty difficult to find physical touch anywhere else. If she says no, I think I might even terminate...I hope that's not an overreaction but just because rejection = I'm revolting in my head and I wouldn't ever feel comfortable being vulnerable to my therapist again. \n\nAlso I'm suprisingly hygienic despite my MDD. \n\nAlso I am a male minor, a year away from being an adult. And my therapist (female) is early 30s. Ik this context may change things up considering hugs w/ opposite sex + minor/adult is something ppl stay cautious of but I'm not asking her for dirty reasons or whatever. I just wanna feel accepted and protected for just once. \n\n\nAlso if you do recommend me asking my therapist for this, could you help me phrase it? Thanks\n\nSorry this is so long lol\n\n**TLDR; Want a hug too feel accepted, but terrified of a **\"No\"**, or my therapist secretly hating it but does it to be nice (a fake hug is worse than no hugs!!). Also some help with how to ask would be great too.**\n\n\nI did ask my therapist once **\"I read in the book X that physical touch can be very healing; do you use physical touch in therapy? Like hugs, handshakes, fist bumps etc.\"** \n\nAnd she said \"I generally don't just because of my training...\"\n\nSounds like a no, eh? I don't know if that's her saying \"back off\" or her just being oblivious to what I'm hinting", "answer": "I would never initiate a hug. If a client asks I generally oblige if it\u2019s a child or another female. It doesn\u2019t happen often. If a male asked for a hug I would probably want to discuss why. I\u2019m female.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwgni4", "comment_id": "bwgni4"}, {"question": "Suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. Please help!", "description": "Age: 18\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\u20192\nWeight: 100lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: A few months\nLocation: Around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when I had an ileostomy as an infant\nExisting medical issues: Crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above)\nCurrent medications: Effexor 150 mg daily.\n\nI\u2019d just like to add that I\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. I think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. No one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. No one wants to operate on me and I\u2019m at a loss. One doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. We just want an answer so I can have my quality of life back. Can you suggest what it could be or what I can do? I\u2019m lost, and I can\u2019t live like this forever.\n\nThank you, \n Sydney Toscano \n\n\n", "answer": "Adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. If you have Crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. What did he/she say?\n\nI would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. All too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "aq1cnb"}, {"question": "Single mom", "description": "How do i tell my son that his dad left us. Because he has cheated on us for 6 years and i have had enough of it.", "answer": "I would tell him that Mommy and Daddy don't make each other happy anymore, and that because of that daddy is not going to live with us. Reassure him that it has nothing to do with him in any way, that sometimes grown-ups stop getting along. Assuming that his dad is going to remain in the picture of his life, (and is a good father) then reassure him that he will be able to see dad a lot and talk to him a lot. Reassure him nothing will change with him and his dad, assuming his dad is choosing to remain in his life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qeiiw", "comment_id": "5qeiiw"}, {"question": "The detrimentally discriminative practices of insurance companies against ADHD patients > 18 => Prior authorization horror stories anyone?", "description": "I'm incredibly frustrated right now and not the first time! I'm sorry if this is a post that appears on here often - I don't have the patience to check right now (ha).\n\nFirst it needs to be obtained in person from the doctor each and every fucking time. Then it needs to be on a handwritten prescription pad. Only then does one find out it needs to be prior authorized by the doctor...at which point I'm both unable to work and puking my guts out from the binging I've been doing. Thanks United Health Care!\n \nI'm taking Vyvanse, or rather *I'd like to be* taking Vyvanse because the one time I was able to finally obtain it (legally) it seemed to help...and very little helps. And it actually helped for two of my disorders: ADHD and binge eating...it't great my life does not revolve around binging and then puking my fucking guts out - it's glorious.\n\n\nWhat's the fucking logic behind restricting ADHD medication to this extent for patients over 18? That we're all fucking cured on our 18th birthdays of ADHD? OMFG do I wish that were the case. And maybe the gods could throw a binge eating cure while they're at it...\n\nWhat is the fucking point of all this red tape? How is this justified? How is this all allowed?! ", "answer": "I have Humana and I actually had a harder time being on Strattera than I do now on Adderall. \n\nHumana denied to pay their portion of my Strattera, I had to appeal their decision, and I had to get a PA every year. I still don't understand how something like Vyvanse was super cheap but I had to pay an arm and a leg for Strattera. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4395r5", "comment_id": "4395r5"}, {"question": "Prozac for PMDD (premenstrual dyspeptic disorder)", "description": "Age:26 \nSex: F\nH: 5\u20194\nW: 140\nMedications: Flexeril 10mg and Ibuprofen 800mg ad needed. Now possibly Prozac 10mg\nHistory of issue: I\u2019ve had serious depression at different levels of intensity since I was 10 years old. My mom\u2019s side has a history of severe depression and other personality disorders. When I was younger and under the care of my family I would take whatever medication they forced on me. I don\u2019t remember it helping much. As soon as I emancipated at 16 I stopped taking the medication I started self medicating with drugs and alcohol intermittently (mostly just pot, but I\u2019ve dabbled in hallucinogens for relief). Fast forward to now. I\u2019ve always realized that my depression cycle correlates with my menstrual cycle. My OBGYN has given me 10mg Prozac to take just for a few days before I have my period. \n\nHas anybody heard of whether this is effective or not? My research hasn\u2019t pulled up much, but I have read a lot about Prozac and it seems that it takes awhile for people to start feeling relief so wouldthis actually be a good option for me?\n\nAlso, I take Flexeril and the drug interaction causes serotonin syndrome, which I\u2019m scared of. I don\u2019t take the Flexeril everyday but it allows me to sleep through some neck pain. \n\nEdit: Today is the first day I would take it but I\u2019m hesitating. ", "answer": "It\u2019s not clear why it works that way for PMDD but not MDD, but brief SSRI courses timed with menstrual cycles seems to work for PMDD and that\u2019s the standard treatment.\n\nThe risk of serotonin syndrome from Flexeril and a very low dose of Prozac is negligible.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "90x6vx", "comment_id": "90x6vx"}, {"question": "Just received blood test results and I need help figuring out how to proceed", "description": "27 years old\n170 pounds \nBUN: 17 mg/dL\nCreatinine: 0.73 mg/dL\nBUN/Creatinine Ratio: 23 \n\nMy creatinine and BUN ratio is out of range. What could this mean? ", "answer": "Your creatinine is normal, and a BUN:creatinine ratio is largely meaningless if BUN and creatinine are themselves in the normal range.\n\nThere's nothing to worry about or do here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jykko", "comment_id": "8jykko"}, {"question": "Someone here will know...", "description": "I'm a bit of a mess. I'm looking for advice. I think I may need help.\n\nI'm at a (stuck in a?) stage of recovery where I usually don't drink or crave alcohol. (Yay.) I would like to abstain entirely. I keep getting caught (every few weeks over the last year or so) in social situations where its easier (in the moment at least) to just have a drink and fit in rather than talk about it. (Yeah - I need a new social life. Easier said than done.)\n\nI've recovered to this point from a time a few years ago when I was having 10-15 drinks every day. My tolerance is now (thankfully) quite low and when I have a drink or two I really feel it.\n\nI know this is a dangerous place. I've read Allan Carr and Annie Grace and The Big Book and I know I'm not special. I know I need to be stronger. I know that these few otherwise uneventful occasions with these few drinks are no proof that I can handle alcohol.\n\nIn my most recent lapse, someone I am fond of bought me a drink. I just couldn't say \"no\". The evening unfolded and by the end my tally was 1 Bud Light and 3-4 ounces of rum.\n\nNothing especially bad happened. I (predictably) slept poorly. I've had a couple of good nights sleep since. It seems to have wrecked my week since then. This is my third consecutive day of low mood and poor motivation.\n\n**Is it possible that 3 drinks are still messing with me emotionally 3 days later?**\n\nIf so it's really illustrating my need for sobriety. If not, then I suspect I have further underlying mental illness or life issues to deal with.\n\nI don't know if I'm bummed out as a natural outcome of being a recovering alcoholic, because of further underlying mental illness, just due to my general life situation, or what combination of \"all of the above\".\n\nMy employer offers and EAP program and I think I probably need to go (back) to it. In the meantime, thanks for any thoughts or perspective. I'm sure some of you have been through comparable experiences.\n\nIWNDWYT\n\nEdited to add - My flair is not accurate. I don't whether to have it reset or just removed. I'm not there yet. \n", "answer": "I had similar problems re mood and booze. I always thought it was a mood problem mostly. I'm alcohol free for 7 weeks, and while i still struggle with my mood I am in a much better position to stay in control of things that help me through. Having alcohol out of the picture really helps me to see whats what. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8rdtyw", "comment_id": "8rdtyw"}, {"question": "Does my Husband (31) have mental heal issues or is he a jerk?", "description": " \n\nSo I have been having the hardest year of my life with my current husband with whom I have been with for a total of 7 years. We met in our mid twenties and generally had a pretty happy relationship. Things started to go south slowly in mid 2017 with the pressure of getting engaged, planning a wedding and dealing with our difficult and dysfunctional families. In addition we were also starting our careers, living in a HCOL area and generally figuring out adulthood. We are also two very different people who came to blows over many differences and were generally poor with conflict resolution.\n\nWe had our lows but would always find a way out and be happy again.\n\nAt the start of this year, however, things seem to slowly unravel. My husband suddenly started getting panic attacks this January. Seeing as he was someone who never had anxiety or panic attacks, he was very disturbed by this. He genuinely thought he was dying, and had breakdowns. I took him to the ER, and called the EMTs multiple times at 3 am as he would wake up in a panic saying he was dying. They all cleared him saying he was healthy.\n\nAround March he went to a GP for a checkup who looked at his EKG, read it incorrectly and told him he was dying. Within 30 minutes he called my husband back and said actually he made an error and everything was normal. This seemed to have really spooked my husband to the core. After that for the next few weeks he thought he had heart troubles and would not listen to me as I tried to reason with him.\n\nI finally had him visit a cardiologist who indeed confirmed his heart was fine. We then went back to his GP who said that my husband was suffering from extreme stress and anxiety and needed to be put on medication. She prescribed him 10 mg Lexapro. The Lexapro was a god sent in the sense that it finally erased his panic attacks and shortness of breath. Things seem to finally slowly calm down and go back to normal.\n\nA few weeks on Lexapro I started to notice slight changes in his personality. Suddenly he was colder and more distant. The soft, warm sweetness of his personality was replaced by coldness and anger. Now that his panic attacks and anxiety were gone, suddenly everything else was wrong. He said he hated his job that he previously loved and excelled at. He said he was bored and wanted to quit to join the police academy or start his own business, His family and I cautioned him that he needed to not act suddenly and think things through. Anything we said that wasn't affirmative was met with resistance and anger.\n\nHe also started drinking heavily. While my husband has always liked to drink, his daily 2 glasses of wine have now turned into a bottle of wine per night. He also goes out with his friends and gets blasted drunk and parties and bar hops until 2- 3 am in the morning. When I tell him he needs to come home earlier, he gets mean and aggressive and tells me to stop being a fun killer!\n\nSuddenly I am his enemy no.1. He seems to have re-written our entire story where everything about our relationship and marriage is wrong. He hates and resents me for the hurt I have caused him and says he feels trapped and caged. He screams at me, yells at me and has scary episodes. For example, if he comes home at 2 am after bar hopping and I say anything about him staying out too late, he will walk into the kitchen, grab a bottle of wine say he is getting out of here and go lock himself in our car!!\n\nHe has also started sexting and chatting and calling with random women from hook up apps. I discovered him receiving nudes from a woman a month ago. When I confronted him about it he screamed at me that he wanted a divorce and ran away to stay with his parents. Another time when I tried to confront him again he screamed at me, took his bottle of wine and locked himself out side in our car. When I tried to go outside and get him to come inside and stalk to me like a normal person, he screamed at me and drove off drunk into the night at 3 am. He did not return home until an hour later.\n\nRecently I discovered that he has been having sex with hookers in hotel rooms. He has recently started not coming home or coming home late after work. He always stays at the office until 3- 4 am and sexts chats and sends nude selfies to random women based on what I have seen on his phone.\n\nIf he does come home, he will stay up till 3 am by himself watching a movie and drinking.\n\nOccasionally he will seem to have a moment of clarity, apologize profusely and tell me he doesn't know what he is doing. He gets these extreme rushes of emotions and he cant seem to control himself. The rest of the time when I bring up that something isn't normal he says I am the enemy and he hates me and I need to leave him alone and throws a tantrum and runs away.\n\nI am at my wits end. I do not know what is going on with him. He is an asshole or is he suffering from some mental health issue?\n\nTLDR; My 31 year old husband has been acting increasingly erratic, aggressive, mean and is cheating on me. I don't know what to do as this all seems very out of character.", "answer": "Hello there. I notice a lot of people are suggesting a number of disorders including bipolar - but id personally be very wary of this. I personally wonder if more is going on than we know.\n\nUltimately its up to the individual concerned to seek whatever help he feels is necessary, or for the OP to seek advice if there's imminent risks associated with his presentation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d3b7gc", "comment_id": "d3b7gc"}, {"question": "I was just reminded of how I first came across this subreddit.", "description": "About a year and a half ago, I came across this image on the front page of reddit. \n\nIt was a meme of the Dos Equis man (you all know him well, I\u2019m sure) and it said something like, \u201cI don\u2019t always take out my recycling\u2026 but when I do, my neighbors probably think I'm an alcoholic.\u201d I laughed so hard at that - OMG, I totally feel that way too! Haha! I\u2019m not the only one who has a zillion bottles to throw away! It was such a light-hearted reaction.\n\nThen I read the comment section\u2026 I don\u2019t even know what this person said, maybe something like \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a valid reason you feel that way. Come to /r/stopdrinking and take our assessment test.\u201d\n\nI came, and started reading the posts. So many things people were saying, I could relate to. Sure, I haven't lost a job, gotten arrested, etc., etc. but I could certainly nod my head in agreement to instantly craving a drink (or 6) when things went wrong, and other common thoughts. That was a scary moment.\n\nSo, I requested a badge.\n\nAnd proceeded to ignore it, getting drunk nearly every night afterwards. Ha... But that's another story for another day, maybe when I make a formal introduction post. I've already written a lot.\n\nDid anyone else come across this subreddit randomly and have a similar \"aha\" moment?", "answer": "Holy shit! I remember that meme and remember having the same reaction. I've been slowing down on my check ins here and I needed this reminder that it's fucked up that I drank all those empty beer and wine bottles. I remember thinking about how I would tell someone \"I had some friends over\" if I ran into a neighbor while taking the trash out. My house was the loudest one on the block on trash day. I remember waking up and hearing those crashing noises of bottles hit the garbage truck and feeling so much guilt. So funny I saw this today. Thank you! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4295z6", "comment_id": "4295z6"}, {"question": "Advice on mental mental", "description": "Age: 27 \nSex: Female \nWeight: overweight \nHeight: 165cm\nRace: Australian\nLocation: mental health \nDuration: many years but getting progressively worse. \n\n\n\nOver the past 3 weeks my mental health has been getting progressively worse. I have no official diagnosis but I have PTSD symptoms and currently on a waiting list for trauma therapy. \nMy current mental state has been pretty overwhelming. I\u2019m having daily anxiety attacks and crippling depression. I\u2019ve been having daily suicide ideation. I spoke to my counsellor about everything today and he suggested I start seeing a GP to get a medical opinion on my mental health and to medically manage any possible deterioration. \n\nMy question is, what do I expect from this? How will a GP manage my mental health? For me, medication is a last resort. \n\nI\u2019m also a nursing student and as much as I want to get help for my mental health I worry this may have some kind of effect on my future registration.", "answer": "Hi. I'm a psychiatrist specializing in trauma.\n\nIf you aren't interested in medication, and while you're waiting for therapy, you might check out the superb book by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.:\n\n\"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma\"", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "blcrcr", "comment_id": "blcrcr"}, {"question": "COVID-19 is an unspoken challenge to alcoholics like me", "description": "I have been sober for coming up on 17 months and this is by far the most difficult time in my sobriety. My wife is 7.5 months pregnant and is due with our first child on June 2nd. I am immensely stressed out, anxious, angry, and afraid. We have had to cancel all of the fun support events for my wife, no baby shower, no family events, no visits with friends and well wishers, our families will not be allowed in the hospital, there is a chance I will not be allowed in the hospital, etc. Our birthing classes and baby classes have been canceled so we feel unequipped as new parents. The anxiety of all of this is crushing my wife and I am struggling to lift her back up as her only physically present support system at the moment. Everyone I know with the exception of my pregnant wife and fellow recovering alcoholic sister is managing their stress though the pandemic by drinking; but I cannot do that. While a tall glass of oblivion sounds better than just about anything right now, I have to remind myself why that is a bold-faced lie for alcoholics like me. If I were still drinking, this would undoubtedly be the darkest hour of my drinking:\n\n\\-I would start fights with my pregnant wife for no reason and damage our bond when our relationship health is more important than ever.\n\n\\-I very well could lose my job as I would be drunk 24/7\n\n\\-I would recklessly spend money at a time when our financial planning for the baby has been significantly setback as we had to pull my healthcare worker wife out of work for the baby. \n\n\\-I would not be emotionally present for my wife, who needs me now more than ever \n\n\\-My chances of catching the virus would increase exponentially as I would throw caution to the wind\n\n\\-I would not complete the many projects I should before the baby comes\n\n\\-I would be creating the sickest version of myself right before I become a father and taking away from the well-being of my daughter by sacrificing my own.\n\nI woke up struggling today, so I wrote this post to remind myself that I chose the right path and temptations to waiver from it are lies. I know many have it far worse than I do. I know I am lucky to still have a job. I am lucky to have a baby on the way. I am lucky to have a healthy marriage, one that took loads of work to repair from my actions before I put the bottle down. But this pandemic is seriously challenging my coping skills.", "answer": "I absolutely relate to the feelings you\u2019re having now, and I commend you for writing this post to get it out. Externalizing the reasons not to drink as well as your urges to do so can be very helpful in my experience. It is when I just sit with it and hope it goes away that I get into trouble. A lot of people are struggling now with everything that is going on. So know you are not alone. I appreciate your post; it definitely helped me today.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fu9ia7", "comment_id": "fu9ia7"}, {"question": "Zyprexa (olanzapine) for anxiety", "description": "Lately I've been having more trouble controlling my anxieties and mood. My psychiatrist prescribed me Zyprexa. Mind you; I am not taking this on a daily base and I am not supposed to. The purpose of the Zyprexa is to help me calm down when I have a panic attack or am about to harm myself.\n\nSo I have been feeling restless for many hours now, and I decided I want to give it a try. I have taken Zyprexa before, but this was months ago and I can remember little of it.\n\nI read a lot about Zyprexa being heavily sedating and knocking you out for an entire day even two... Which is exactly what I do not want to happen right now.\n\nWhat would be a safe starting dosage to try? I have 10 mg tablets but looking through other topics, it seems as if this would just make me fall asleep, when I just want my thoughts to calm down a bit without turning into zombie mode making me unable to do anything for the rest of the day...", "answer": "Your psychiatrist prescribed you a safe dosage. You should take it as they prescribed, rather than following the advice of random people on the Internet. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5nwu01", "comment_id": "5nwu01"}, {"question": "How can I quell my paranoia?", "description": "I really need (and want) to control my anxiety and paranoia for the sake of having a happy, healthy relationship. For some reason I always fear the worst and almost expect the worst from people even though it's a completely irrational thought. It was for this reason that my ex broke up with me and recently I've fallen for someone else who I've already known for 4 years. And despite the fact we're good friends and I *should* trust her 100%, I'm still a bit apprehensive about taking the next step.\n\nIn reality she's probably one of the most trustworthy people I know, so it's not like I have any logical reason to think she'd run off with someone else. Yet for some reason I get so paranoid about it. I know I can't expect to have a lasting relationship with anybody until it gets sorted so I wondered if anyone could give me some advice. Thanks!", "answer": "May be helpful to just relabel \"paranoid\" as \"scared\". You're scared. Is that justified? Of course! You have a very tender heart and a relationship would mean a lot for you, good or bad. \n\nHow can you deal with irrational thoughts that are both based in and escalating your fear? Notice them, label them, argue with or ignore them. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6e29jj", "comment_id": "6e29jj"}, {"question": "Progress at handling emotions", "description": "Hi y'all, \nI lurk around but I actually made a very deliberate attempt to find the root cause of my emotions and calm myself down without disturbing my husband about it and I'm super excited. Also on mobile so forgive if it looks weird. If you get upset with smoking you probably shouldn't read. \n\nMy spouse had stopped smoking for a time because we couldn't afford it and he was sick. Well we recently came into some money and he bought cigarettes again and I was horribly upset and giving him the cold shoulder for awhile while silently fuming. When he got the second one I left the room and tried to figure out what was bothering me so much. He was a smoker before so why did I care now? I realized it was because of my mom who smoked and had a heart attack during my childhood and once she recovered went back to smoking despite all my protests and worries. \n\nOnce I realized that I was able to objectively look at the situation and calm myself down.\nI'm really proud of the fact I could take the initiative to actually look at my emotions and not scream at my spouse and make life difficult for us. Yay progress! :)", "answer": "Awesome!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "465xf0", "comment_id": "465xf0"}, {"question": "Does he like me? I'm so confused.", "description": "So, I have liked this guy since about January. A bit of a rundown of history, in January we both went to a dance that is like socializing with different schools. We slow danced and he was super flirty and nice and told me I'd do great on a presentation. Next day at school I give my presentation and he complimented me twice on how I did. First right before class ended he tapped me and told me I did good and also as we were walking out of class he told me I did good again. Also, while other presentations were going on he would repeatedly look at me and sometimes look away but, he'd smile and look at me a lot.\n\nSo moving on from that, we kind of stopped interacting. He'd still look at me quite frequently and his eyebrows often raise when I see him as well, like he's acknowledging me kind of. But, we never really talk.\n\nThis is the part that confuses me. When we do get around each other like at dances or just randomly he's super flirty and when we talk he always looks directly into my eyes but, the thing is he doesn't really go out of his way to talk to me. Now I only see him once every other day, as I only have one class with him so, it might just be that we really don't see each other often. The thing is, we're not really friends. We're more like aquintances. We are friendly but, when I'm in class with him, he'll look at me quite a bit and acknowledge me but, he generally sticks to his table and group of friends and doesn't really talk to me.\n\nSo just yesterday we had another dance and we slow danced again. He did the same flirty thing except this time way more intense, he like side hugged me twice and was really touchy, was looking me in the eyes the whole time we were talking and was giving me that super flirty look that a lot of guys give, kind of like the look guys give when they wanna kiss you except it was a public place with lots of people around. At the end of the dance, he like side hugged me, looked me in the eyes and said, \"I'll see you in class tomorrrow right?\" It seems so forward but, with a guy like him who is super flirty and extroverted already I just can't tell. I feel like he gives all the signs but, I don't have his number and he doesn't really seek me out to talk but, granted we only have one class together and so it may just be circumstantial and that it's not convenient.\n\nI feel like I'm way over analyzing this but, I really like this guy but, at this point I'm so confused. I wanna ask him out and I'm not even scared of rejection but, more so the fact that I would have to see him a lot if he rejected me which would make things awkward. But, I also don't wanna regret not doing anything. Do you think he likes me and what should I do?", "answer": "tell him how you feel. be direct.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64l8ts", "comment_id": "64l8ts"}, {"question": "Resources other than Adult Children of Alcoholics?", "description": "My mom is an alcoholic. At 25, I\u2019m just starting to realize all the negative effects her drinking had on me. I want help, and was initially intrigued by ACA. \n\nUntil I learned it was a 12-step program. I hate 12-step programs. I hate their non-scientific, non-medical approach to treating addiction. I hate their propaganda about addiction being outside of your control. I hate their forcing religion on you.\n\nI\u2019m just not open to their methods. The problem is, any research I do about resources for children of alcoholics always leads back to there. Have any of you encountered programs targeted toward children of alcoholics that DO NOT utilize the 12 steps? I\u2019m looking for a good CBT therapist in my area but I\u2019m also interested in something specifically targeted at people like me. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "Sounds like just seeing an individual psychotherapist would be the closest to what you are looking for. I will say, for the person suffering addiction, 12 step programs have much more success than anything the scientific or medical field has had, or is even close to having. I understand it\u2019s different for people impacted by other\u2019s addictions though.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "bzw3r0", "comment_id": "bzw3r0"}, {"question": "I missed the opportunity of a lifetime because I am disorganized and scared of paperwork", "description": "Just found I lost a place for the London marathon because I didn't do the forms in time. I'm an intern and I got a position in work draw. \n\nI'm not a stupid guy, I do a difficult job and I beat our a bunch of people to get my job. But I feel like this stupid shit with forgetting important things and compulsively putting them off doesn't happen to other people. They just do these things and it's not a big deal. \n\nI'm absolutely devastated, but I knew something would go wrong. It was too good to be true. I had to slip up or I wouldn't be me. I can't just have nice things. ", "answer": "Do you think it is worth contacting them and explaining you had some personal circumstances that resulted in not getting the forms in time and see if they\u2019d still let you do it? The worst thing they can say is no.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ao3aiv", "comment_id": "ao3aiv"}, {"question": "My brother's ocd is getting ridiculous and my family doesn't know what to do.", "description": "It started when he started getting lots of anxiety in school. He came home almost in tears every day, so my parents started homeschooling him. That helped for a while, but then he became obsessed with the school and had to eliminate everything in our house that had to do with it. After he cleaned the house of everything school related, he just started hating every object in our house that didn't come directly from our family. Hand me down clothes, gifts, everything drives him crazy. He is becoming dysfunctional and he doesn't eat or do any activities with our family. We know he desperately needs a doctor but my parents are worried that he might be traumatized from it and it will make his ocd worse. I know it's bad to ask this sub for medical advice but should we just force him to go to the doctor and accept that he'll be traumatized from it?", "answer": "I cant imagine how he would be traumatized by therapy. This sounds like some strong assumptions the parents have about what therapy does, and how CBT/ ERP work. Start with some encouragement for them to read some basic info on OCD treatment that includes discussion of CBT/ ERP. IOCDF should have some good resources. A Google search of \"what is CBT treatment for OCD\" will probably produce some good resources. Most importantly, have the parents actually talk to a therapist about their specific questions and worries. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4ow9eb", "comment_id": "4ow9eb"}, {"question": "How do I unlearn bad thought patterns after recovering from mental illness(ideas of reference)", "description": "I have ideas of reference that occurred during a period of mental illness. Although I am doing much better, I still associate various neutral things that happen as responses for whatever I am thinking at the time.\nExample: I ask myself, if I eat without washing my hands after using public transport, will I get sick?\nThen if someone looks down, or if the next sound I hear is high pitch, or if someone looks to my right, I associate this with a yes, if instead I hear a lowpitched sound, they look to my right, or they look up, then it's a no.\nI know that these random events have nothing to do with what I am thinking but my kneejerk reactions are still there. This causes me to have to reject my initial thoughts, creating a two step thinking process, and greatly distracting me.\nHow do I retrain my brain so that these disturbances don't happen? I haven't been able to find much information online regarding this and my psychiatrist and I mainly talk about medication, instead of coping/training techniques.", "answer": "Hm. A refinement of your medication might help, but maybe some psychological work is in order?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "55ikrc", "comment_id": "55ikrc"}, {"question": "List of Physical Anxiety Symptoms", "description": "Hi y'all! I don't know if this has been posted here before, but I just came across by far the most comprehensive list of the physical symptoms of anxiety I've ever found. You can find it at [this link](https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety-guide/symptoms) and then scroll down the page (anchor links don't seem to be working right for me, but just scroll and you'll find the symptoms). This apparently lists 241 unique symptoms of anxiety. The next time you're thinking \"could anxiety really be causing this?\" look here. Chances are, yes.\n\nMy favorite thing about this is the quote from the very bottom of the page:\n\n\"Anxiety really can seem to cause almost every symptom imaginable, because it does. It mimics health conditions. It can make you so sensitive to how you feel that normal perceptions feel abnormal. It can create its own issues \u2013 such as causing acid reflux, which then causes hoarseness or chronic cough.\n\nIn nearly any mental health book, the list of anxiety symptoms is extremely small, and this leads to people developing even more anxiety as they worry that they may have something else \u2013 that something else may be wrong with them.\n\nBut if you talk to people that have anxiety, do research, and learn more about the condition, you will quickly find that there are hundreds of anxiety symptoms out there.\"\n\nHope this helps someone out there! :)\n\nEDIT: I know this could possibly be construed as reinforcement for some folks, but for me it's a good first-destination; when I would google symptoms, instead I'm going to bookmark this, click on it, find my symptom here, and avoid the terrors of Dr. Google.", "answer": "Great post! And here's another fun thing to keep in mind: physical symptoms of anxiety tend to mimic the symptoms that you're **most afraid of.** Why? Because those sensations are more likely to get flagged as \"DANGER\" by your brain, which increases the likelihood of generating more anxiety, which leads to more intense physical sensations. Anxiety symptoms that are *uncomfortable* but not *frightening* are more likely to get flagged as \"not dangerous\", which leads to them dissipating over time without escalating your fear response. \n\nFor example: my first panic attack started when I had really intense, uncomfortable feelings in my throat after smoking pot for the first time. Why? Because I had asthma when I was a kid. My brain interpreted the feelings in my throat as dangerous - \"your asthma has come back after 20 years to finish you off!\" - which caused me to panic and experience increasingly intense anxiety sensations. In reality, I was totally safe: I had no difficulty breathing. I just needed to drink some water and watch TV until the panic attack passed. I also would have been fine if I had gotten dizzy or had a pounding heart, because those sensations don't scare me. But other people might interpret heart palpitations as a sign that they're going to have a heart attack! \n\nKeep this in mind, because your anxiety symptoms will change based on whatever health issue you're scared about. Health anxiety is an asshole. Once you figure out its tricks, however, it becomes easier to know when to ignore it.", "topic": "HealthAnxiety", "post_id": "ejkbmc", "comment_id": "ejkbmc"}, {"question": "How can I cope with returning to work after being attacked during shift?", "description": "A little context: I've worked in a mental hospital as a psychiatric technician for 2 years, it has its perks but it is often a restlessly stressful and socially exhausting job. For those unfamiliar with the job title, we (the psych techs) are the staff on the frontlines so to speak, we work directly with the patients to monitor & record behavior, intervene during aggression, clean blood/feces/urine, organize groups for the patients, talk patients down from escalation, enforce rules & unit protocol.. everything at face value. The hospital I work at has to hire 30+ people a month to keep up with the turnover rate, there is often dangerously low staffing. Since they can't staff fully, there's lots of overtime available so I work 54-62 hour weeks. The pay is lower than the nearest McDonald's so it's better to work all the time than feel like your financially drowning. \n\nThere is a patient on my unit that **hates** me for reasons concocted by their delusions and paranoia. Yesterday while on their watch (a watch is 24/7 monitoring for safety and belligerence control), the patient demanded I leave them alone, I told them I couldn't and they attacked me. Strangled me before throwing me out of the chair. I stepped off the unit by the time the other staff intervened (another patient had to get staff from the back because we were too short staffed to have anyone assigned to 1 the desk), it took me a half hour to stop crying and shaking. This is the second or third time I've been choked/strangled by patients, getting punched, spit on, kicked, clawed or injured in a takedown are all too common in occurrence to be greatly affected by but the strangling is particularly hard for me. I was scheduled a 16-hour shift yesterday but left early because of it and took today off. I have another shift tomorrow but the idea of going back throws me into a spiral of fear and anxiety. Knowing how the patient will react when I'm eventually put on their watch again, having gotten 3 or 4 other **incredibly violent** patients in the past few weeks and facing the possibility of them doing something.. I hate the idea of going back but even worse, I feel like the biggest weakling for being so fragile. So hugely affected by what happens to everyone there.\n\nWhat can I do to feel balanced enough to return back to work? How can I face the fear another possible attack? How can I cope with feeling unsafe and targeted at work?", "answer": "I worked in inpatient psych for 4 years as an administrator. I know \u201cMHT\u201d work very well. Was there a debrief after the incident? If I were your boss, i would give you a day or two off and then reschedule you to a lower acuity hall. Let you catch your breath. \n\nI found that the patients will often tell you what they are going to do before they do it - to some extent- and this is why we used the gear system. Do you have a system where by when a patient reaches a certain level of agitation, you call\nOn the radio ? Ours was gear 1 (low risk) to gear 3 (hi risk need backup). Calling the gears and letting people know what\u2019s up is so important. \n\nI don\u2019t mean to criticize. But I know that if you have a good system for communicating with your co-workers, even if crisis is not yet imminent it can help avoid attacks.\n\nBut I\u2019m afraid this is a job that can take a huge toll on you. Great techs find that their best weapon is their ability to build rapport, empathize, and sometimes validate harmless delusions to keep a patient calm. But when one of them gets so upset that they mark you for an attack, you gotta have back up.\n\nI feel for ya. I really do. Very hard work. I would recommend that you check in with the Director of Clinical Services and see about processing through the experience with a counselor. You should certainly be supported in your mental health as you are supporting the patients!\n\nGood luck -and you\u2019re doing important work. ", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "91n2h8", "comment_id": "91n2h8"}, {"question": "I am 29, have my own business, make enough money, have a loving family, girlfriend, car, friends and hobbies, but for as long as I can remember I've just wanted to die.", "description": "It's time to bite the bullet and just say it. I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me. It's not depression: the doctors are stumped. I've taken every drug under the Sun. Ive seen about 30 therapists, I've tried yoga, meditation, mindfulness, stoicism, sports psychology, etc.\n\nI've been in the psych ward and out. \n\nI've been tested for food allergies, anemia, celiac, diabetes, thyroid conditions, stds, cancer, viruses, etc.\n\nI am perfectly healthy, at least my body is. I am fit and eating well. \n\nBut every day, every fucking day, from when I was 6 I've wanted to just quit life. I don't want to die, I just want to opt out of life. I don't want to do it anymore. \n\nIm begining to think I just dont belong. I remember the exact moment this started. It was when I first started school as a 6 year old. I was looking forward to it but wasn't used to the strict rules in place at a school. I kept getting into trouble, over and over again for little things like talking to a friend in class or running in the hallway - things I had never gotten in trouble about before.\n\nOver the months I think this battered me down. I remember being constantly afraid at school. I remember after every recess I would go to the teacher on duty and ask if I had done anything wrong. I went from a freedom loving 6 year old to a quite, shy and sad little kid. \n\nIt was then I thought about killing myself. I had to go to school - there was no buts about it. I hated school and would just cry and cry and cry, but I had to go. It was then I thought of the alternatives. Running away? No, I would miss my parents too much. But killing yourself - that meant nothing. Sure you wouldnt be around anymore, but no more school, no more fear, no more anything. \n\nThe older I got, the more this became a part of me. It made me feel almost safe knowing that no matter how bad things got and how out of control they seemed I could have the final say by killing myself.\n\nNow I am almost 30 and the feeling is worse than ever. I've made lots of bad choices in my life, but who hasnt? I know, comparatively, I am doing ok, but that doesnt matter.\n\nRight now the feeling, the mantra, is this:\n\n>\"You fucked up. You only get one chance at life and you screwed it. Theres so many things you should have done right but you didnt. You're behind in the world. You need to quit whilst your ahead. It's too late to turn this ship around now.\"\n\nI just cant throw this thought. For every positive thing I throw at it, it gives me 10 negatives. \n\nWhat's worse is that this *is* me. I don't know who the un-depressed, un-suicidal me is. The depression has been with me so long in such a big way it has become part of me and it feels that fighting it would be ripping half my brain out.\n\nI dunno, sorry for the wall of text. I just had to let it out.\n\n", "answer": "Sometimes letting it out is the best thing you can do, even if there are no answers forthcoming. I'd say your situation sounds typical of depression - the feeling that no matter how productive you have been, it just isn't good enough and you should be doing more. \n\nIt happens, in my view, because our brains have a difficult time feeling pleasure and contentment. We keep chasing it, but it seems impossible to reach. That is why so many people with depression fixate on death, because without pleasure the motivation to live just isn't there. \n\nI've spent countless hours myself researching religion and the afterlife, not because I personally want to die, but because it would make life so much easier to believe there is a place we can go where we finally feel contentment and peace. \n\nI hope you figure things out! I know you said you've tried 30 different therapists, but I'd suggest you keep looking for the right one. Sometimes it takes years to find a person who understands you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3e61qb", "comment_id": "3e61qb"}, {"question": "Is it me or is it him?", "description": "My (46F) boyfriend (46M) have been together for 6 years this time. We dated in high school/college for 6 years too, so we have a lot of history. I love him but I think he's selfish, and he thinks I'm demanding. Case in point. My birthday is in a few weeks and his is the week after. Several days ago, he showed me a photo of a lovely bed and breakfast in the mountains. It's a place I would love. 2 days ago, he asks if I would like to go away the weekend before my birthday. I think he means the place he showed me and tell him I'd love to. Then he proceeds to tell me he's thinking we could go to Gainesville. I have zero interest in going there (we are in Orlando) and I just look at him, mind kind of puzzled . Then he proceeds to tell me that my birthday weekend is when the big friends of the library book sale is and we can go to that, then to some breweries for some drinks and maybe get a hotel. In other words, his dream day. I have zero interest in spending 4 or more hours at a used book sale and he has several thousand (yes, you read that correctly) used books, so he doesn't actually need any reading material. I don't say anything, but spend a couple of days thinking about what I do want to do (I have children and family I want to spend time with) and think about What I'm going to do for his birthday. I am on a tight budget, but decide to spring for a Wanee ticket. It's his favorite thing in the world and he enjoys going, listening to music and getting away by himself. It's the Th, F, S before my birthday. I give him the ticket and he's thrilled. He said he didn't want to spend the money and he had already planned to spend the weekend with me bc of my birthday. I told him it was fine bc I didn't want to book shop and drink beer for my birthday anyway. Then he says that we can still go to the book sale on Sunday. I again tell him I don't want to go. So he says he will just go on his own on his way home and he will won't be home till dinner time Sunday. I am really hurt by this. He is going to leave Wednesday, spend the next 3 days at this festival and then all day Sunday book shopping. He works on my actual birthday. Am I being unreasonable? Is he totally selfish? \n\ntl;dr: boyfriend has a fun filled weekend planned for himself, on my birthday", "answer": "Not very considerate of him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62dri8", "comment_id": "62dri8"}, {"question": "Diagnosis ?", "description": "Soooo if you feel you have a mental issue or mental block and it is affecting your life and relationships - but you're not quite sure what it is, or exactly how to describe it- where exactly do you go for a diagnosis?\nI'm not sure if it's depression, or anxiety or what. And I'm afraid of medication. I know how it can affect your life insurance, health insurance, long term disability etc. \n", "answer": "Honestly diagnosis is nowhere near as important as the actual symptoms you are experiencing and figuring out a way to handle them. If you see a therapist you can always request that they don't disclose your diagnosis to you. That way you wouldn't have to lie on life insurance forms. Therapy with a counselor is generally the best bet. Are you in the U.S.?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6r7f4t", "comment_id": "6r7f4t"}, {"question": "Why do I have a headache every day of my life?", "description": "Every day, without fail, I wake up with a headache and it\u2019s always in the same place - the base of my neck and skull. I should add that I also live with constant neck pain and the two are consistent with one another. No amount of Tylenol, Ibuprofen, or Excedrin helps to relieve the pain. I am absolutely miserable. \n\nI\u2019m a 22 year old female with no underlying health conditions. I recently had an x-ray done on my neck and everything looked normal. So if it\u2019s not bone related, what could it be? \n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Chronic daily headache is a diagnosis, and an unpleasant one to live with. You can talk to your primary care doctor about it. If he or she is stumped, neurology has headache specialists that may be able to help you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fsg3ml", "comment_id": "fsg3ml"}, {"question": "I (F, 32) told by boyfriend (34) that I am selfish for getting counseling for myself first and not couples' counselling.", "description": "We have been having lots of fights, and things have been bad for about six months.\n\nHe previously didn't support me during surgery (went out partying and didn't call for 4 days though we did live in different cities far away at the time) when I lost his baby (ectopic) and needed him.\n\nI have tried to 'move on' as he asks me to as he wants us to get married and 'grow old together', but can't.\n\nSo, after many rows, and feeling so low I didn't want to be here anymore (I told him this at the time), I sought a counselor for me at the same time as contacting two couples' counselors for us. I managed to see my counselor first, and he said a few days later:\n\nIf you really cared about us, you'd have gotten a couples' counsellor. But you didn't: you just got one for yourself.'\n\n\nIs this right?\nAm I right to feel so devastated he said this?\nAm I selfish as he insinuates?\n\nWhat do you think, reddit?\n\ntldr: He told me I was selfish for getting counselling (to help me move on from losing baby and him not being there), as should have gotten couples' counseling for us and not just me. ", "answer": "There are many therapists that will see their clients as couples and as individuals. In general, if you think couples therapy is what you want, start together. If you're not sure what you want to do with the relationship as a whole, and just need to explore your own feelings, start with individual.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xgycv", "comment_id": "5xgycv"}, {"question": "What is \"numerous\" (in regards to kidney stones)? (36F) (5'8, 165 lbs)", "description": "I had severe pain this morning, went to the ER, and my abdominal CT results say: \n\n\"Final Impression:\nNumerous 4-6mm calculi are seen within the distal right ureter and at the right urertrovesicular junction. Right hydroureteronephrosis. \"\n\nFrom what I can tell via Dr Google, this is \"kidney stones at junction of ureter and bladder causing urine backup and kidney swelling\" but \"numerous\" is scaring me. Is that 2? 5? 20? Do I need to call a urologist? \n\nBah. Use numbers, radiologists!\n\nI also had a urine analysis (because of course I did) and to *me* it looks positive for a UTI, but the doc said because there's only 1 WBC it isn't. But it's pos for nitrites and bacteria? \n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/PVtmu\n\nSo help on that would be appreciated too.\n\nThanks for any insights!", "answer": "Numerous is pretty vague, but sometimes its not easy to count!\n\nIts somewhere between 2 and infinity (sorry!)\n\nAnyway, sympathies for you having kidney stones in the first place. Pretty annoying, to say the least.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "533cx8", "comment_id": "533cx8"}, {"question": "Unsure how to progress in my relationship coz feels", "description": "Long story short (as short as possible) I [22 f] have been in a committed monogamous relationship (for the most part) with my bf [25 m] for 2 and a bit years now (met when I was 19]. I love him and feel happy when I'm with him however whenever we're not together I get a very serious case of the wandering eye and have a biiiiiiig crush on a guy I go to uni with. Important to note here that said crush began last year when bf was away for 4 months and we did sleep together a few times, also bf slept with several people while away without telling me, so it was a fuck up on both parts, he was very angry about my lapse, I didn't so much care about his. \nAnyway, so I have had doubts about our relationship due to age and not wanting to get tied down too early, because there's much to experience in the world, especially at my age. \n\nI was wondering whether anyone else has had a similar situation and how they progressed? I enjoy the time I spend with him but as soon as we're physically apart I almost couldn't care less and get very tempted by the prospect of other people. \n\nTl;dr should I leave my boyfriend because whenever I'm not with him I think about being with other people \n\n", "answer": "sounds like you've moved on in your heart; unless there are specific issues, which improved, would change your heart.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v46ko", "comment_id": "5v46ko"}, {"question": "After plenty of research, still no answers: Obamacare.", "description": "Hello all, I'm a recovering addict and just hit my 3 year mark earlier this month. \n\nI've been on buprenorphine during this time (generic subutex) and my work's insurance has worked great with it. However, they are changing to a plan that uses \"negotiated rates\" instead of copays. Meaning that my measly 12$ prescription copay will skyrocket to around $200 a month. \n\nI'm looking into the ACA (Obamacare), and I have yet to find any concrete answers in regards to co-pays, or pricing in general for prescription costs.\n\nDoes anyone here have this insurance/similar situation, and if so, how has it been working out? Any answers are greatly appreciated.", "answer": "In order to get concrete answers about coverage, you will probably have to call up each prospective insurance company you are considering switching to and ask them specifically about their prescription drug coverage/coverage of buprenorphine. It seems like many of them do not like to put specifics online, especially if the answer is not going to be in favor of the consumer.\n\nAnother option you might want to consider is seeing if the pharmaceutical company that makes your prescription participates in a prescription assistance program, which helps people within certain income levels to get free or reduced price medications.\nBear in mind, I am not an expert nor do I work for an insurance company, this is all information I've gleaned from personal experience. Welcome to one of Dante's circles of hell my friend, insurance is a bitch.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "53uvla", "comment_id": "53uvla"}, {"question": "I want to feel connected to my husband again and I don't know how.", "description": "I'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. I believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. I don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. I believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. I try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression I make is scrutinized, even when I assure him it's related to other issues. Recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time I try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing Madden. He plays Madden for 3 hours plus and while I understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler. \n\nI sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because I feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when I ask him to stop playing. I feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if I am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, I don't have any plans I just want to feel connected to him again.\n\nI feel like I start a lot the arguments because I want something I am not sure I am going to get from him. \n\n", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "67ba8g"}, {"question": "Support Groups for \"Unusual\" Addictions?", "description": "hey all, i'm not really the biggest fan of the 12 step format, but sometimes 12 step groups are the only thing that can calm me down or help (especially bc of a lack of any other addiction support group in my city) - & bc of sum of my issues w/ alcohol i've been 2 quite a few AA meetins b4... \n\nlately it's been more than jus the alcohol tho, i've been hurtin myself a lot, or bein reckless gettin myself hurt on purpose (not in a self harm way, it's not bc i'm sad really, it's not like cuttin or whatever... it just like it i guess, & i can't help it) \n\ni've kinda realized it feels rlly similar to my alcohol use, kinda like i'm addicted 2 the pain \n\nwhat kinda support group could i go 2 for this??? should i jus go 2 SAA (it's not sexual, but i feel like maybe SAA might have sum people w/ similar issues?)? or is there something else that would be kinda helpful ? AA isn't really doing it 4 me anymore.... is there general 12 step meetings 4 general addictions? i jus want a support group w/ ppl who understand & won't judge me... is this 2 niche, or is there seomthing 4 this?\n\nthnx in advance guys \n\nTL;DR is there any support group 4 reckless behavior or pain addiction?", "answer": "Check out Smart Recovery (science based, goal focused) or Refuge Recovery (Buddhist based, incorporates meditation). You could also try ACA (adult children of alcoholics/dysfunctional families) if you feel it is coming from a place of childhood trauma.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "c0n9qh", "comment_id": "c0n9qh"}, {"question": "Have company benefits; should I tell doc I smoke?", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nI currently have a really great benefits plan with my company. If I tell my doctor I smoke ciggeretes, how will this effect my health insurance? Should I be honest? Would I have at one point filled out any insurance info about wether I smoked or not (can't recall). \n\nThanks", "answer": "Think of it another way - should you become unwell and you haven't disclosed your smoking status, your insurance becomes invalid.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yebqw", "comment_id": "4yebqw"}, {"question": "Why we don't seek help", "description": "Sorry if this has been addressed before but I'm in a dark mood today. I really despise the mandatory reporting laws here in the USA. I feel this well intentioned requirement keeps many people from seeking help that is really needed. I mean is it better that people who have broken laws/have skeletons in the closet just stay quietand isolated allowing their issues to build up untill they reach critical mass? I guess I'm just wishing that there was a way to talk to someone that wouldn't burn my life down around me. :(", "answer": "Are you aware what the mandated reporter laws are?\n\n\nUnless a state has a law specifying something additional (I'm not aware of any off of the top of my head. I practice in PA), there are only 3 instances when a therapist would break confidentiality. \n\n\n1. If the client reports that they are going to kill themselves. We have to break confidentiality and involuntarily hospitalize. This is only the case if after discussing the need for an assessment at a crisis center the client either refuses to go on their own or says they will and we do not get confirmation from the crisis response center. \n\n\n2. If a client states they are going to kill or cause harm to someone else. We must follow the same steps for hospitalization, alert the authorities, and make best attempts to alert the proposed victim. \n\n\n3. Any information regarding a person who is currently under 18 being abused or neglected. We are legally required to contact our state authorities with any information we have regarding this. Some states make it mandatory to report elder abuse as well. \n\n\nYou will not be reported for disclosing suicidal or homicidal thoughts, only if the therapist believes you intend to act on them and are an imminent threat to yourself or others. \n\nOther than these things, anything you say in therapy will be kept confidential. This includes past crimes and just about any skeleton in the closet you can think of. \n\n\nOnly add on to this is if you are not the age to consent to treatment in your state, the therapist may disclose information to parents upon request. The age to consent to mental health treatment is different in every state. Thankfully in PA it's 14 which means everyone 14 and above is treated as an adult when receiving mental health services. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nbhwc", "comment_id": "8nbhwc"}, {"question": "Can prescribed doses of Adderall XR harm someone with a family history of high blood pressure?", "description": "19 female, 125 lb, 5'4, white, low iron.\n\nI just got prescribed with 10 mg Adderall XR and the dose is suppose to keep going us until we find one that works. I told my psychiatrist about my family history but she said that those problems usually start later in life. \n\n\nProblem is, I forgot to tell her that my dad started taking meds for high blood pressure when he was 22. Both with parents have high blood pressure problems since a young age. And both of my grandpa's siblings died from high blood pressure related issues, albeit at an older age. \n \nI did start taking CoQ10 along with my iron every day, but I'm wondering if I'll still be at a big risk? Is there anything else I can do to prevent high blood pressure? Right now I have normal blood pressure.\n", "answer": "Adderall can raise blood pressure, but your genetics might suggest elevated blood pressure regardless. Make sure someone, either your psychiatrist or another doctor, is monitoring your pressure.\n\nThe best prevention is all normal health stuff: don't smoke, drink moderately, exercise, and so on. Genetics and time get to pretty much all of us eventually, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8uakk9", "comment_id": "8uakk9"}, {"question": "Can an extrovert have social anxiety?", "description": "I always thought I was an introvert with social anxiety and I played the part but now I\u2019m getting rid of my social anxiety and I found out I feel good when I\u2019m with people. Is it possible that I was unknowingly an extrovert?", "answer": "Yes. Absolutely. Extroversion/Introversion have nothing to do with how good your social skills are or how much anxiety you have over social situations. Where you fall on the continuum has much more to do with the HOW you prefer to interact with others and what kinds of activities are needed to \"recharge your batteries\" when stressed. \n\nSocial anxiety is something that can impact both extroverts and introverts equally. It causes separate problems for each. When social anxiety is high which causes people to avoid social situations, it causes problems for introverts because they generally already isolate themselves more because they generally enjoy activities that require more alone and quiet time. Even though this is the case, introverts still do need and want to be social, and this limits their chances further. A major problem for introverts with social anxiety is it generally causes more harm to their relationships as people who don't understand start to think that the introvert with social anxiety \"doesn't want to spend time with them.\"\n\nExtroverts who are socially anxious and avoid socializing can sometimes be hit harder by social anxiety. The more extroverted you are, the more you NEED to socialize and have a lower tolerance for isolation, so in many ways, social anxiety can cause more pain for extroverts in this way.\n\n\n[-The WebShrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99d575", "comment_id": "99d575"}, {"question": "Low testosterone?", "description": "I am 27 M. I am active. Don't smoke and rarely drink. This year I noticed a lot of my hair on the pillow when I wake up. I have hard time falling asleep and feel really anxious all the time, also some muscle volume loss. Even though I workout a lot. The doctor at school also said I might have osteoporosis because of my xrays (I have back pains too). On top of that I broke up with my girlfriend and since than I experienced erectile dysfunction with other partners.\n\nI am not a doctor, but through a quick search online all these symptoms seems to be connected to low testosterone. My hair seem to be still ok and I am still fit. But I do really care to about being happy and have a normal sex life. Should I take some testosterone boost sumplements or should I see a doctor? What kind of doctor specializes in testosterone abnormalities?", "answer": "An endocrinologist would be the right kind of doctor for testosterone problems, but I would caution that you are not showing any clear symptoms and would strongly advise not messing with your hormone levels without a diagnosis. Male pattern baldness is due to the presence, not absence, of testosterone; muscle changes are non-specific and much more likely to be due to another cause, and change in libido and erectile function after a breakup is, again, unlikely to be hormone-driven.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9qfuvg", "comment_id": "9qfuvg"}, {"question": "My brother (14) wrote this about himself today. Please remember aspergers isn't all bad.", "description": "I am\u00a0\nHappiness, Sadness, Awesomeness,\nThe kind of guy who will just sit at home and watch tv.\nThe kind of person who can both annoy you and open your mind to new ideas.\nFriendliness, Creativeness, and Inventiveness in people are important to me.\nYes, I may have my flaws but I try to be the best I can be every day.\nPeople who can not accept you for you are not people I want to be friends with.\nPeople have flaws, I do too but there are good people in the world and nobody's perfect.\nEver since I was little I always loved the feeling I get when I am generous.\nI like being nice, It is what makes me, me.\nAsperger's Syndrome is good and bad.\nSometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm mad but I think I'm a good person.\nThis is me, I am Jeff", "answer": "Awesome Jeff! I am more than twice your age and I really identify with your words. They also just made me feel nice. Sometimes sharing what is in your mind can be an act of generosity. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "24g7wg", "comment_id": "24g7wg"}, {"question": "Don\u2019t yell at me", "description": "Does anyone else struggle with this. I can take constructive criticism and stuff like that but the second you start yelling at me I WILL start crying. Even though I\u2019m in my late 20\u2019s if someone yells at me it just takes me back to childhood and it\u2019s really quite mortifying when it happens. \n\nI also read too far into the tone of how people talk to me. Like even though I\u2019m okay with what you just said I am upset about HOW you said it. ", "answer": "Are you sure it's a BPD thing and not a childhood trauma thing? Someone with BPD could easily be triggered by telling too but that's a clear symptom of lingering childhood distress reaction and physiological disregulation. You might not get a chance to control your emotional reaction if it's physiological. Check your ACE score and if you're 2+ maybe look at that too, along with BPD. \n", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9hi26v", "comment_id": "9hi26v"}, {"question": "I just can\u2019t", "description": "Recently I realized, that I have problems doing things, because other people may think bad things about me because of what I did. \n\nThat might be confusing so let me give you an example. I am quite scared of going to a random girl I like and introduce myself, because I am worried, that she will think, that I am weird or creepy.\n\nIt\u2019s not that bad, but I think you understand. How to overcome this type of insecurity? Do you have some tips or tricks that you use?", "answer": "I can't tell you how to do this, but it can be helpful to find some way to stop caring if the person doesn't like you. \n\n\nNot everyone's going to like you. A lot of people are going to think you're weird throughout your life. It won't kill you. A lot of people are going to like you, some of them will like you particularly for the thing or trait that makes others think you're weird or creepy. \n\n\nSo in the case of the random girl you like... she may like you... she may find you weird and creepy... or somewhere in between. If it's good... GREAT! If not, then you'll find others you like if you keep your mind and eyes open. \n\n\nFocus more energy on finding the people who like you and writing off those who find you weird and creepy instead of worrying so much about pleasing everyone (because this is an impossible task)\n\n\nBest of luck! ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8n924b", "comment_id": "8n924b"}, {"question": "Help. Dissociation on Lexapro.", "description": "Age: 24\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'2\n\nWeight: 90lbs\n\nDuration of complaint: 4 days\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Anxiety, panic disorder, depression\n\nCurrent medications: Lexapro\n\n\nI've had a history of dissociative episodes due to severe anxiety/panic disorder and depression (usually brought on by a trauma, binge drinking or reckless behavior). I started taking Lexapro a few months ago and my dosage was upped from 10mg to 20mg to see if my anxiety could be improved. I began with memory problems a couple of weeks ago (watched a UFC event that I'd been looking forward to for months, only to freak out the next day because I was convinced I'd missed the entire thing), and then 4 days ago I began with an episode of dissociation (depersonalization, to be exact). \n\nIs this likely to persist or can/will it wear off? I'm considering going back down to 10mg to see if that helps, or coming off it altogether if it doesn't, but it had been really helping up until this point so I'd really like to avoid coming off it entirely. I'm just exhausted from having to focus on everything especially hard, I'm making a lot of careless mistakes all of a sudden and forgetting things that I did 5 minutes ago, which is really frustrating, especially with work and when I take care of so many animals. I usually welcome a dissociative episode as it's kind of like a mini break from reality, but they only usually last for 1-2 days, so this whole being half in and half out of my own mind and feeling like I'm in a dream for 4 days is just tiring now. \n\nUPDATE: Went back down to 10mg and now everything is fine again. Thanks for the advice!", "answer": "You've had dissociative episodes before taking escitalopram, so why do you think its the drug doing it now?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lpoj2", "comment_id": "5lpoj2"}, {"question": "Delirium after a seizure. First time it happened.", "description": "Throw away account, sorry. \n\n\nMy wife \\[26F\\] has mild seizures almost every night (They don't put her unconscious, or violently shake. Just extremely weak and some face twitching during it. Includes dizziness and stomach pain) . Includes intense stomach pain and some parts of her go numb or tingly, but come back. She hasn't had a stroke. We have no insurance so we only go to the ER which they can't do much either. So at this rate we're just living with seizures and no one knows what is causing it. The ER did a head CT scan, checked her stomach and surrounding organs with an ultrasound. ER doctor confirmed no signs of stroke. They actually didn't even say seizure. Her heart looks fine too apparently even with all the chest pains she gets too. \n\n\nSo recently, first time, after a seizure came delirium. My wife in a state that seems high and pretty confused. When it happened, the next morning it was gone and she was normal. Again this happened last night, but it is still active this morning. She still is delirious. She is still able to handle herself, but her personality is obviously different. \n\n\nThe only thing she takes is meletonin at night to help sleep. We're going to dial that back just in case that's the problem, but does any one have any info on this?", "answer": "Confusion and bizarre thinking or behavior after a seizure is common, and called a postictal state.\n\nIf your wife is having frequent seizures, she needs a diagnosis and ideally anti-epileptic medications. I realize that can be hard without insurance, but try calling and seeing if there is any way you can get medical assistance or a waived/reduced fee for seeing a neurologist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ef66cg", "comment_id": "ef66cg"}, {"question": "I have also requested a badge.", "description": "Hi everyone. \n\nI have been a mostly weekend binge drinker since the age of 15. I am 26 now. It's gotten gradually worse within the last 3 years since I started working full time upon graduating from college. That seems ironic, but I went to a commuter school so there wasn't much of a social outlet. \n\nTo my surprise, I took the WHO evaluation and scored a 25. I've been really good about ignoring my problem. I've also never considered myself an alcoholic because I don't drink everyday, but now I believe forms of alcoholism may come in all shapes and sizes. Am I right in this thought? \n\nI want to stop drinking (and other drugs). I'm missing work, the feelings of self-loathing are overwhelming, and I've been unable to move forward with goals I have for myself. I want to learn to cope with my fears and anxiety through a better, healthier outlet. \n\nThanks for reading. ", "answer": "You are absolutely right in the assumption that alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes. If there were a cut and dry standard for alcoholism, very few people would ever recover, because there is almost always a way to disqualify yourself and justify your actions. I'm 18 now got sober at 17. If I looked at the things that disqualified me as an alcoholic, I'd be hammered right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fqpof", "comment_id": "1fqpof"}, {"question": "Need some advice! I'm a 35(F) in a 8 month long relationship with a 30(M).", "description": "So I was going through Facebook on my laptop, and noticed that my boyfriend had left his email account open. I was going to close it, and I went to the tab where his email was and there was some email that he had marked as \"important\". I noticed that most of the email marked in that file wasn't new, but what concerns me the most is that he had sent some replies that were Craigslist ads about m4m. Some of the ads were him replying saying that he can top or bottom, and replying to trannies. He has never told me that he's bisexual. Most of those emails were back in 2014, and I did read in some of them that he mentioned using condoms. His last reply to an ad that was headlined \"Hot Dad needs to be sucked m4w\" to which his response was \"Hey there stud! I'm about 6 feet tall, in reasonable shape, White & liking you're cock! Text me for pics ***-****\" which was on 6/21/2016, just 3 days before we met. \n\nTL;DR\n\nDo I confront him about his sexuality? Or do I keep quiet about it? Not sure what to do, but I'm really confused! ", "answer": "you have a right to know his sexuality. don't be confrontational; just talk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uje0z", "comment_id": "5uje0z"}, {"question": "Anyone else struggle with sensory issues/misophonia?", "description": "I\u2019ve always dealt with this specifically eating noises, and loud computer keyboards. \nAs someone with BPD, this has been something that has triggered extreme outbursts of anger in the past, although now I\u2019m a lot more chill about it. More of a flight than fight sorta reaction (I deal with it internally now) \nI know this is misophonia and I actually got misdiagnosed as having Aspergers when I was younger.\nJust wondering if anyone deals with anything similar? ", "answer": "Nope. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9d89z6", "comment_id": "9d89z6"}, {"question": "There's definitely something wrong with me.", "description": "I'm 18. I just started university last month, and for my entire time here, I've had multiple crying spells a week. I feel alone and unable to relate to anyone. I've got a few friends whom I met through my roommate, and I'm with them I feel fine. But the real problems come when I'm alone or in Class. Everything seems helpless at that point.\n\nI feel as if everyone else has someone to hang out with no matter what, and I'm just left alone. I have a hard time meeting people. When I try to speak to anyone I don't know, I play through scenarios in my head of how I think the meeting will go. They usually end with them awkwardly staring at me and me sulking away, or them completely shunning me, failing to acknowledge my existence.\n\nI'm also mortified of rejection. If there's even the slightest hint in any interaction, I'm driven into a state of paranoia and I try and do anything within my power to avoid losing them, or worse, to keep them from judging me.\n\nI'm seeing a doctor this week hopefully. I'll post again here if anyone cares.\n\n**Edit: Excuse the brevity, I haven't really been able to concentrate lately.**", "answer": "I might be able to help. That was kinda like me last year, I was at a college out of my state and didn't know anyone, and felt out of place. I am a rather shy person so it takes me a while to get to know people and trust them. Believe me, it will get better. You will find yourself meeting more and more people. In some of my classes I was 1 of 500, about half way through the class I started meeting people and sitting by them and before I knew it they had become really good friends with me. It just takes time. Remember the first month of college is hard on everyone both emotionally/mentally and physically. You should get the hang of it shortly. Also if you have any particular interests or hobbies there are groups on campus that you can join to meet people with the same interests. Good luck! And remember if 1 person is an asshole forget them because there are 4000-20000+ more people out there. \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "11hpmd", "comment_id": "11hpmd"}, {"question": "Father-in-law (45yo) having recurrent episodes of confusion, fatigue, pins-and-needles in extremities, erratic behavior; normal EKG x2, normal blood panels x2, normal CT", "description": "**Background/Initial Episode**\n\nHello. My father-in-law is a white, male farmer, 45 years old, and has had four separate episodes. The first was limited to rather extreme diaphoresis and malaise, though it resolved after about an hour. He is overweight, though not obese (unsure of his BMI). He has a 20-30 pack year history of smoking, and partakes in marijuana use occasionally. His medications include(d) Phentermine (6 months, unknown specifics), Methylprednisolone (no other details), and no multivitamins/supplements. No family history of heart disease or neurological disorders, past history of lipid elevation, no chronic hypertension. This first episode occurred while they were in Jamaica, five days after which they returned to the states.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Second Presentation: Visit to the ER (normal EKG, normal CT, normal hematology save low kidney function)**\n\nThe second (about a week after returning from their trip) occurred from 3pm through the evening while tending to his cattle. He called me with a blood pressure of 164/78, describing pins-and-needles in all four extremities and a feeling of \"being off\". Once more, the diaphoresis occurred and he began to feel confused, anxious, and quite fatigued. He arrived at the ER and was triaged as a stroke, after he began having difficulties speaking, described as babbling on and being unable to find words. An EKG, head CT, and blood panel (unsure what it included, though I assumed CBC and CMP) all came back normal, except for what was described to them as a minor decline in kidney function. He was irritable in the ER, refusing sedation and being very reluctant to have IV (dextrose?) administered. The episode was explained as dehydration worsened by his long use of the Phentermine. He was given hydroxyzine and sent home to rest, continue hydrating, and begin a ketogenic diet.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Third Presentation; PCP visit (normal EKG, normal hematology)**\n\nThe next day, around 9am, he began to feel the same symptoms while heading to his feed lot. On his way to his PCP, his truck broke down. He called his father to pick him up and take him to the office, but he was unable to describe where he was, despite his location being somewhere he has frequented multiple times a day for over forty years. His again appeared distressed and somewhat confused, describing the same paresthesia, malaise, sweating, and anxiety. At his PCP, his BP was 120/72, an EKG returned normal, and he was sent home to rest while blood panels were confirmed. Again, I don't know what the panel entailed, but it returned normal and he was asked to call if another episode occurred. Though another full episode did not occur, when heading with his wife in the car to make sure his cattle were secured, he mentioned he was quite tired and had he drive. He immediately fell asleep.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Today**\n\nThis morning, at 10:00am, he described the same set of symptoms and is currently headed to his PCP for examination.\n\nMore than anything, I want to see if this presentation sticks out to anyone, and most importantly where they should go. Their PCP seems to be waiting and waiting for a signs to emerge, though they don't really have the ability to set life aside while this occurs, mainly due to extreme financial pressure. I mentioned they might plan to see an endocrinologist or neurologist. His behavior is so incredibly out of character, but this has all occurred within a two-three week period. I've tried to find similar cases, and looked at reactive hypoglycemia, B12 deficiency presenting without anemia, insulinoma, other endocrine and metabolic cases, transient ischemic attacks and many others, though not having any labs or ability to examine him, plus of course not being a medical professional, has made my exercises fairly meaningless. I appreciate any help. Let me know if you have questions that I didn't answer\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: I realize this may not qualify as a **minor** medical issue. I don't expect a diagnosis to come out of this, nor will I assume any suggestions are definitive. Like I said, I really want to have advice for their next steps if their PCP tells them once more to just wait.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit 2: Forgot to note that I asked him very directly if the paresthesia was purely pins-and-needles, or if he had any numbness. He denied any numbness", "answer": "I can't make a diagnosis, but that does sound concerning to be for transient ischemic attack (TIA), which is a stroke that resolves before permanent damage is done. One thing that probably should be done, if it wasn't in previous imaging, is examination of his carotid arteries. And then there's a standard set of interventions to reduce stroke risk, which aren't a bad idea for anyone but are very important for someone who might be having multiple near-stroke events.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9it3ct", "comment_id": "9it3ct"}, {"question": "Finaly gonna go see a psychiatrist", "description": "After years and years dealing with what I'm sure it's depression and strong suicidal thoughts, I'm finally gonna see a Professional tomorrow, I don't know if it'll help, but at least I'm trying.\nIt'll be my first time, any tips? ", "answer": "Be prepared that a psychiatrist generally does not do talk therapy; they are more for psychotropic medication management. So don't be surprised if you talk to them for 45 minutes then they send you away with a prescription and that's it. I would highly advise also seeking out the services of a therapist so you can talk through some of your issues and learn some coping skills and techniques. This is very important; psychotropic medications are meant to be used in conjunction with talk therapy. See if your psychiatrist has any recommendations. Good luck! And always be honest (especially about suicidal thoughts/feelings), they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "9d1uvn", "comment_id": "9d1uvn"}, {"question": "Need advice [Serious Replies Only]", "description": "A few months ago, at work, a guy kept pestering me to give him my number. I did (no idea why I didn't give him a fake- low point in my life and relationship). He texted me and (like when we were in person), I told him I was in a relationship and shouldn't talk to him. I told him I was attracted to him and I hope he had a safe trip, but I shouldn't have given him my number and to not contact me again. We exchanged maybe 6 messages and I blocked him and have never had any form of contact with him since. \n\nThis was about 6 months ago and I still feel terribly guilty inside. I don't want to tell my SO and ruin our relationship. Should I? ", "answer": "no. let it go. no point.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ejkow", "comment_id": "6ejkow"}, {"question": "I'm scared to tell my therapist that his treatment plan isn't working for me.", "description": "Started seeing doctor once a week for 5 weeks now. Since the first visit we have been doing meditation/hypnosis for ~10 minutes, talking for a few minutes (no more than 20 minutes), and then I'm on my way. He wants me to master the art of meditation because \"it is a powerful tool\". His credentials say I should trust his judgment, because I'm just the weird girl whose face turns red with the slightest emotional disturbance and he's the expert, but I have seen absolutely no change in my social anxiety in 5 weeks. I'm ready to try something different, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering if I will look stupid or noncompliant for \"failing\" at mastering meditation. I've tried, but I honestly don't think it's the treatment I need. What I want to do is discuss my anxiety, history, triggers, and understand why my body and mind are in this vicious dance but I don't know how to bring this up with him since he seems so set on the idea of mindfulness. And most importantly, the thought of this confrontation is an absolute nightmare.", "answer": "Psychologist here with credentials. Please do speak your mind and ask for the specific types of help you think you need. There are many ways to arrive at the goal (which is less stuckness IMHO, not less anxiety per she). Mindfulness is a good entry but not if you can't engage it right now. Together you can figure out a better way in. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "3iewdt", "comment_id": "3iewdt"}, {"question": "I don't know wtf to do. My wife[28/f] just told me [31/m] she never wants kids.", "description": "She has said she will never be able to give children to me, her choice, that's fine, it's not medical, she just hates the idea of having a child because she won't be able to do whatever she wants. She's even planning on getting a hysterectomy at 30. All things she revealed for the first time tonight after 5 years of friendship and a year of marriage. She's known I've always wanted one or two. She just sprung this on me. I love her to death, I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed and hurt but she's my wife, I will always love her.", "answer": "you have to decide if this is a non-negotiable--a deal breaker. very sad quandary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qn8mw", "comment_id": "5qn8mw"}, {"question": "How do you communicate to get through to patients?", "description": "I understand firsthand how difficult it can be to internalize the advice of others, their words seeming to go in one ear and out the other. Breakthrough insights seem to instead be more easily realized from within.\nI often wonder how much advice I give that doesn't quite reach the recipients.\n\nHow do you shape your communication to get advice through to your patients?", "answer": "Generally by leaning back until they are paying attention. I don't always feel obligated to talk or fill silences.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehlt10", "comment_id": "ehlt10"}, {"question": "I (22/F) found a NEST camera in my bedroom. My mom (55/F) is spying on me.", "description": "So throwaway, but here it is. \n\nJust found a NEST camera in my bedroom. It is facing my bed. My mom has been spying on me before in the past and this is all I can take. \n\nI am home for Christmas break currently and it has been a shit storm. First, I found out my mother was viewing all of my texts and now she's been recording video of me. The text monitoring had been going on for awhile before I found out, but quickly stopped that. \nNow I just found a NEST camera in my room. She's seen me walk about naked, get off (a girl has needs), talking on the phone, and knowing exactly when I get home and leave. \nAny time I bring these things up to her she denies them hard. Acts like she hasn't done anything wrong and continues to treat me like shit. \n\nI just needed someone to tell any I thought the people of Reddit could help give insight into this. \n\nAlso, just to throw it out there I am completely financially independent and pay all of my own bills and will be done with college this May. \n\nAm I wrong in thinking this is completely fucked up??\n\n", "answer": "not wrong at all.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmxid", "comment_id": "5kmxid"}, {"question": "Is it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "description": "I'm 17. I finished high school a few months ago. My high school has a tradition where the Seniors on their last day all say their good byes to each other and the other grades. I gave hugs to guys and girls. Usually I just give guys some dap ( a bro handshake), but I figured since it was our last day of high school, and I'm never going to see many of these people again, I'll give everyone hugs.\n\nAll the girls didn't mind when I gave them hugs. However, some of the guys didn't like that. I mean most of the guys didn't mind. But some of them, when I tried to give them a hug stated, \"You want a hug?\", like they were weirded out. When I tried to give them hugs they kind of pushed me off.\n\nIs it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "answer": "Nope, not inherently. Very much depends on culture though as to how close you have to be to someone to hug them. I'm a guy and I hug most of my guy friends in greeting or saying goodbye who are comfortable with it. \n\n\nFor instance, my family is an east coast, mostly irish and italian heritage. We're very overt with displays of affection. My wife still jokes about how uncomfortable she felt when we were newly dating coming to parties of my big extended family and getting hugged and kissed on the cheek. It's normal for us, but for her family, very strange. \n\n\nFlipside, I visit her family in the mid-west. Lovely people, but very reserved compared to what I'm used to. They used to make jokes about me always going in for a hug as I didn't realize until after, they felt a little weird that I was going in for a hug after meeting and leaving the first times. \n\n\nOn one more note, some people just don't like to be touched. If by their body language you get a sense someone is weirded out, don't force hugs. Ask if you can give them a hug. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95wd10", "comment_id": "95wd10"}, {"question": "Should I come out in a christian all girls school?", "description": "So more than ever I\u2019m coming to understand I\u2019m gay or bi (honestly I\u2019m not fully sure, but definitely not straight...) and I\u2019m finding it really hard to hold in. I want to be able to talk about it openly and start to figure myself out.\n\nBut my school is super christian, to the point where we had an assembley telling us these kinds of feelings are just us getting confused. I\u2019m worried about coming out and it spreading across school. Mainly about girls being weirded out or uncomfortable around me or even opening myself up to bullying for it.\n\nIve told some friends outside my school but nobody inside. Honestly I don\u2019t trust them not to tell anyone. Is it worth coming out and maybe opening myself up to the hate or should I just hold it in and wait until im in a better environment?\n\nReally unsure \ud83d\ude2b would love any advice.", "answer": "Do you feel like you would be safe if you came out?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "cciyk0", "comment_id": "cciyk0"}, {"question": "Unhelpful Therapy", "description": "I admitted myself to my local hospital back in April because I was feeling extremely suicidal and frightening myself with my thoughts, and was assigned a random therapist before leaving.\n\nI've been seeing him every week/couple of weeks since then, and haven't noticed any bit of improvement at all.\n\nAnd I'm honestly not that surprised, considering he's focused on nothing but my anxiety this entire time. Not once has he addressed the fact that I've been abused by my mother, that I was sexually assaulted by 2 people within a 2 month period when I was 15, or any of the other mental health issues I've been having.\n\nI managed to get him to focus on my self harm last time, but only because I had actually harmed myself before that appointment. And his solution was to have me do things I enjoy - which is a problem because I don't enjoy anything anymore - and to flick my wrists with a rubber band whenever I felt the need to harm myself. The only thing this has accomplished is giving me another way to harm myself. My thighs are covered in cuts, and my wrists are covered in red welts.\n\nI don't see him again until Wednesday, and I don't feel confident in my ability to get him to focus on anything else.\n\nAnd I don't know if I can request another therapist, because he was assigned to me and I have no idea who to talk to about seeing someone else.\n\nSometimes living in Canada with free health care means you have to deal with whatever help you get...", "answer": "Couple of things to consider here. \n\nOn one hand, it sounds like you have some pretty serious issues going on. Unless you're currently in crisis, any good therapist is going to take some time to actually get to know you and let you get to know them, otherwise you might as well be talking to a wall. If someone comes in for a first session and tries to spill all of their trauma or very serious mental health issues, I stop them because we need to build a relationship first and I need to make sure they have the coping skills to deal with processing all of that. When therapists don't do this, that's one of the reasons you get people commonly saying \"I go to therapy and talk about everything and feel worse than when I went in.\"\n\nOn the other hand, I generally say to give it 3 sessions (which it sounds like you've already had). If you don't feel like your therapist is a good fit personality wise, move on. \n\nIf you like your therapist overall and feel as though it's a good personality match up between the two of you, but you're unhappy that they're not getting right into your trauma and self-harm, give it some time and take it a bit more slowly. \n\nIf you just feel like there's no real connection there at all, move on. Not sure what that entails in Canada as a I practice in the US but therapists are generally obligated to help refer you to someone else if you feel as though it's not working out. We're used to \"getting broken up with\" and the majority of us (the ones who maintain professionalism) don't take it personally and certainly don't take it out on the client.\n\nHope this helps. Let me know if you have any follow up questions!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6rihdo", "comment_id": "6rihdo"}, {"question": "Homesick", "description": "I'm sitting in a hotel room in Florence. Most people would be thrilled, I'm sure, to be in a place they've dreamed of being in for their whole life.\n\nBut I feel so alone, even though I have 3 roommates. I miss my son, I miss my husband, and I really miss my bed. I miss being home.\n\nI know I'm just feeling homesick, but putting a name to the feeling isn't exactly helping me out. Every time I pass by a small child, or a couple holding hands, I just get this sharp pain and a little moisture in my eye--like I'm two steps from crying.\n\nI've traveled and lived away before, but for some reason this is different for me. I feel so sad. I wish someone would give me a hug and tell me everything is fine; even though I know it I need someone to say it.", "answer": "How long are you away for?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2655yu", "comment_id": "2655yu"}, {"question": "At this moment, trying to keep myself from running to the bar.", "description": "I had to reset my badge for Friday, but I've been doing very good about not going overboard.\n\nBut this weekend has been almost too much. My girlfriend disrespected me to the point where I have to consider if I want to continue the relationship. And this morning, I get an email from my roommate telling me that he needs me to move out so that his friend can move in at the beginning of March. I feel particularly disrespected that he didn't have the courage to say this to me in person & instead emailed me from 30 feet away. He suffers from a psychological disorder that makes him delusional at times, and while he has no legal basis to push me out, his delusions have become too much for me to handle any longer and am glad to leave\n\nBut this has complicated things since I'm starting my first semester of grad school at Harvard (yay!), but I had to put down this terms tuition in full and I've been in between jobs, while watching my savings dwindle...\n\nThe storm in my chest says to say \"fuck it\" and take off from all these problems inside my apartment and to park my ass at the bar up the street.\n\nI just want some encouragement.", "answer": "It's a trick that alcohol wants you to believe. Drinking because of the shit going on in your life is only going to make all that more complicated and you'll add the worry and stress of drinking to it. It's a lie founded only in the several minutes of numbness that is followed by regret and disappointment. Keep reaching out like this and it sounds like these issues are really just poorly timed, not things that were really unexpected. They can disrespect you and it's not your fault but you can disrespect yourself a lot more thoroughly. Don't listen to its lies. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "41fu7i", "comment_id": "41fu7i"}, {"question": "Crying when my parents have sex??", "description": "So long story short my parents have been divorced my entire life and every now n again my dad pops in. Usually, so they can have some sort of romantic and sexual relationship again. When I was younger I used to cry and feel angry when I heard them have sex. I didnt feel this way about other people having sex, until now I just feel grossed out by the idea. I know it's normal, but I dont understand why I used to cry and feel hurt by them having it. I was thinkin it might have something to do with how I dont really like my dad. But now hes back again and it makes my sister and I extremely uncomfortable to hear them. She begins to cry when they have sex now because she can actually comprehend what's happening. Why do I feel so angry and annoyed when I hear them have sex? I've looked it up and other people feel the same way but I still dont really know why.", "answer": "It makes total sense that you feel this way. Based on what you are saying, your parents are not using appropriate discretion, and that is a huge boundary violation for you and your sister. I would guess that sex in itself is not the problem, it the poor boundaries that are upsetting you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdzwlm", "comment_id": "hdzwlm"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "In my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today I started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago I got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.\n\nAnywho, I took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and I still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. Is it safe to stay up, or should I try taking more? Thanks in advance", "answer": "It's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. The purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. It doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). Although it's a fine distinction, I would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. It helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. The effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "9ifqt2"}, {"question": "Hey, /r/aspergers, I'd appreciate your support with this :)", "description": "Hey, you guys. I've just made a brand spanking new subreddit, called /r/satf, which stands for Socially Awkward Teen Friends. This is for any young adult between the ages of 13 and 20 who has trouble talking and socialising, which includes people with autistic spectrum disorder, speech impediments, nervousness, deafness or just a natural shyness.\n\nWhile it's mainly for the specified groups, everyone is welcome to come along, find friends and have a great time", "answer": "Sweet! You should also consider advertising it in r/together alone and r/social skills -- the folks in those subreddits might be interested :)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "rhvc4", "comment_id": "rhvc4"}, {"question": "Are you a student at The Ohio State University? Feel lonely while all your friends are at the bars? Come join the Collegiate Recovery Community, a student run safe space for recoverers to share, have fun, and enjoy the college experience.", "description": "Join us on facebook, like our page, share your stories. Although not a long term recoverer, this OP has about 90 days since my last 'adventure'. Many of the others in the group have years though. https://www.facebook.com/BuckeyesForRecovery", "answer": "https://www.facebook.com/pages/Center-For-The-Study-Of-Addiction-And-Recovery/128834903829592?ref=ts&fref=ts\n\nRed Raiders out here at Texas Tech checking in! Stop by you may just run into a handsome young man working at the front desk named AFunnyName.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "234xjq", "comment_id": "234xjq"}, {"question": "I need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "I am a huge fucking mistake. A big one. I h have a GED and no college degree. I am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.\n\nI recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. The pay, the people, everything. They treat me like shit which I deserve because I am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. I cry every night over this job. \n\nNow for my boyfriend and I and this is where the no judgement part comes in. We have been together for 2 years. I love him so much. But last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. I have severe social anxiety and I knew it wouldn't be good if I went. He had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. I ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. We talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. I am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. I am trying to be social and do more things for him. I am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. I need opinions on this.\n\nI know I sound messed up I was abused and cheated on. I am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a bad place. I feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSounds like you've been through a lot in your life. I'm glad that you are seeing someone IRL. You are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone. \n\nOne strength that I am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! Mad props to you. You have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. That takes guts.\n\nI would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? That would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. It becomes like a vicious cycle.\n\nYou have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. You are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.\n\nBut first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. Yea, that's easier said than done. Yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. Your counselor can help you out with that. Finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which I bet you are silently screaming for. \n\nThat's when the real work will start. Keep up keeping up for now. \n\nBest of luck to you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "5117dt"}, {"question": "I am not sure what is wrong with me (terrible mood swings and depression)", "description": "Hi, I am posting this for insight as i don't really want to talk to family and friends about this. For the past maybe year and abit or maybe even longer since i was around 20? I am 23 now (female).\n\n I have been getting awful mood swings like I will go off on one and act quite nastily to people i care about and its like I get a really bad feeling towards them (anger mostly and feeling strange) this can last for a day or two, after the episode I just isolate myself and try to think of how i can apologise as I feel so embarrased and I dont alqays remember things I have said during these times, I have been to my gp for depression before in the past and bad anxiety but this problem is a bit different.\n\nSometimes during these mood swings I want myself to stop but find it impossible, and I dont understand what is going on with me. I did get the contraceptive implant and my friends and partner told me my moods have been really bad since but I remember having the same issue a couple years before I got the implant. Even things thst pop into my head can make me upset with someone evem though it never happened and much of the time I can shut thst down as its silly but the rest sometimes its only really directed at one person and all around every day life i can get so irritable and angry for no reason it just hits me like a wave.\n\nI also have days where I am extremely tearful and I end up crying for no reason and feeling a deep sadness out of nowhere. I will go to see my go but I am very scared and wondered if anyone else has experienced this?\n\nThanks.\n\nEdit: I should also add that I have never been on medication for my depression or anxiety. My anxiety tends to come and go with sometimes months between week long episodes.", "answer": "I'm surprised there are no responses after 18 hours. \n\nUnfortunately, I have to give you the standard response for a post like this: No one can give you diagnostic advice here. It would be a violation of ethical and legal codes to do so. If you're truly worried about your symptoms, you should go see a counselor (LPC), psychologist (PhD/PsyD) or psychiatrist (MD). I'm sorry for the canned response, but you really should see someone in person about this.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43h2lx", "comment_id": "43h2lx"}, {"question": "Get the fuck out of my house!", "description": "You are nice people, and I love and respect you because you are my wife's parents. You have done so much for us and I appreciate it. Now please, get the fuck out of my house. You have been here for a month, and that is long enough. \n\nI don't want to be ugly, or confrontational, or sour our relationship, but I am sick and fucking tired of your fucking dogs, and eating what and when you want to eat, and not having a bit of space. You sit on the couch and listen to music for hours, and nobody can do anything else. Please. Get. The. Fuck. Out of here!", "answer": "Haha. I'm sorry. That sounds awful. \n \nA lot of these commenters have no imagination if they can't see how this can happen. It's not like you're gonna be like \"Okay what's your plan to be out of here within 2 weeks?\" to your damn mother.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ur4nv", "comment_id": "1ur4nv"}, {"question": "Severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* Age: 18\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5\u20194\u201d\n* Weight: 130 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?)\n* Location (Geographic and on body): TX. Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues\n * Celiac disease\n * Not recently glutened\n * ADHD\n * Autism Spectrum Disorder\n * Depression\n * Decently well controlled. I had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but I am doing well now.\n * Anxiety\n * Vitamin D deficiency\n * Osteopoikilosis\n * obsessive tendencies\n* Current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)\n * Xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)\n * Focalin XR 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)\n * Abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. For autism irritability)\n * Zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)\n * Catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. Used for sleep)\n\nOkay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:\n\nI've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. It started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where I cannot get anything done in school (and I desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so I can graduate!). Any time I try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. I can't break through it. I can only complete assignments when I'm in the right mood which happens almost never. I can't think, I can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and I can't do anything I need to do. The only times I don't feel like this is when I get obsessed about something, or I'm at work. One day I may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the GEDCOM file for my family tree, the next I might be obsessed with studying for the PTCE (I'm a pharmacy technician). I can function at work.\n\nIn addition to this, when I'm on my period, I get *really* depressed. Like how bad it was Freshman year. When I'm not on my period, I'm happy.\n\nDo I need to change ADHD meds? Or is something else wrong? I am desperate to find out what to do.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: Added dosages and sig", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. Several of your meds can cause sedation or counteract the others\u2019 effectiveness.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "bks367"}, {"question": "Zoloft and codeine ok?", "description": "Just been prescribed Zoloft about a week ago , 50mg and I advised the doc I had been taking panadeine extra (codeine 15mg/500mg paracetamol) for about 2 years pretty much daily at the maximum prescribed dose (6-8 a day so 90-120mg codeine) for pain. \n\nI am cutting back on the panadeine extra as I realise the paracetamol is at a high dose for that long term use but it's going to be to be done gradually as I am a bit dependent on it now. \n\nAnyway, the doc said it's fine to take both at the same time. The pharmacist said it's fine to take both at the same time. I checked online and have become concerned about serotonin syndrome and don't know if that's a stupid fear? I do get fasciculations and head pressure , but I called 3 pharmacists again today and they all said it's fine to take both together. \n\nNot so sure myself , just hoping for confirmation that it's ok to keep going ahead with the Zoloft. \n\nThanks. ", "answer": "It's a stupid fear. Listen to your doc.\n\nGoid luck cutting down on the painkillers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6n0rla", "comment_id": "6n0rla"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm an open book & struggle with insecurity & trusting my boyfriend [25/m] because of it.", "description": "UPDATE: I know it's been a while, but tbh, I initially made a Reddit account just to post this. I realize that no one had a feel for my full situation, but every response helped. Who knew that a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you to knock it off would help, but hey, it most definitely did. I did my best to hear ya'll out & heed your advice. I've tried to step back & chill out. Since then, my SO started opening up to me more often. I recognize that he has been more patient with me than I could ever ask for. \n\nI guess what I really want to say is, \"Thanks for the reality check Reddit.\"\n\nBackground : I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now. We met through a group of work friends shortly after I got out of an engagement (cheating fianc\u00e9). He had just ended a relationship & was doing the Tinder thing & I was in a downward spiral of poor decisions & rebounds. After a terrible drunken night of mistakes, we decided to start over again as just friends. Months later, our hangouts turned into tipsy hookups & eventually we realized that it was more than that. That's when I found out he had a thing still going with one of the tinder girls, which he broke off shortly after. About 8 months after that, we made it official & moved in together. \n\nThat's when I found out that, up until me, he had a \"type\"-big blonde/red head girls that sing. (Not petite brunettes with the voice of a cat getting hit by a lawnmower. Lol) I struggled with that for awhile until I finally accepted that it was just a coincidence. I told him about my insecurity & joked about it with him. He reassured me that he loved me & invited me to his family Thanksgiving & Christmas, etc. \n\nEverything was going fan-fucking-tastic until I (for absolutely no reason) got insecure & looked up his browsing history. I don't know why I was so upset to find what I went looking for when I read \"big blondes gone wild\". I immediately regretted snooping around. I felt absolutely terrible. I knew I needed to apologize & tell him what I had done, I knew it was grounds for him to dump me on my ass. Because of this dilemma, I was just pissy around him for the next week until he finally questioned me, and I told him what I did, explaining that I understood if he was done with me for breaking his trust. \n\n(BTW, I watch a lot of porn myself. And I know that pretty much every dude does too. I'm cool with it.) \n\nHe got super upset by what I did, and I don't blame him. I broke his trust. I was upset but apologized & explained that it made me feel insecure because he was so secretive about the fact that he watches porn & because all his exes were also \"big blonde girls\", which I'm definitely not. He was still super upset.. Almost sad (?). He just said he was embarrassed & felt terrible that somwone found out... Which may made me insecure all over again because now it made it seem like I had caught him cheating or something. I told him that it's more than ok... That I watch porn all the time, and explained that I'm cool with him watching porn as long as he is still into me & doesn't put off actual sex because of it. I even offered to watch it together sometimes if he wanted. We patched everything up until everything was going good again. \n\nIt's been a couple months now, & he still hasn't mentioned anything about it even though I know he still watches it every time I'm not around. I still constantly find myself feeling crazy because porn (in any context) is still not a kosher subject, but also because I sometimes feel like he's talking to other girls that are more his \"type\". I realize most of these thoughts are irrational, but I don't want to bring it up again and make it seen like I'm nagging. \n\nTL;DR: started dating bf while he was \"taken\". I already have trust issues. He watches porn secretly. I confronted him & told him I knew I was OK with it. I opened up to him about my \"secrets\". He doesn't reciprocate & isn't as open about emotions as I am. It makes me insecure but I don't want to nag & make things worse. \n\nAm I being irrational by worrying?\n\n**edits: changed wording to clear up confusion ", "answer": "Of course he got defensive and doesn't think it's safe to talk about this stuff: you snooped and then held exactly this kind of stuff against him. \n\nYou disclosing a bunch of stuff does not unring the bell of you using his sexual interests as fodder for criticizing him/going into a panic spiral about what it all means. \n\nYou need to drop it and let it stay dropped. And then pick up the phone and call a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buyvi", "comment_id": "6buyvi"}, {"question": "My doctoral defense was approved!", "description": "So I passed my doctoral defense! I got sober the last few months of the work, so I was able put in my best effort and actually enjoy the process. And I wouldn\u2019t have gotten sober without the kind, brave folks at Stop Drinking, so thanks to all!\n\nI\u2019m going to take my girlfriend out for a nice dinner and toast with some sparkling water! IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Well done doc!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8xhhck", "comment_id": "8xhhck"}, {"question": "TB Test Reaction", "description": "26 y/o female. 5'6. 217lbs. On Zoloft, Lo-loestrin, and Buspar. Had a TB test last week for my internship. It was my first one ever. I have no symptoms of TB. Was told it was negative. The spot was super red, itchy, and sore, but no raised welt. It has now been more than a week and it still looks the same. Should I be concerned? Pics will be in comments. The discolored spot next to the red is from the band-aid she put on it. ", "answer": "It's only the induration (think of it as a firm spot, like swelling, but it may be entirely under the skin) that's measured. Redness, itching, and other signs of irritation are not signs of TB.\n\nFor comparison, when I get a TB skin test most of my forearm turns red for most of a week. It's still negative, and in my case it's been confirmed by blood test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aj7gf9", "comment_id": "aj7gf9"}, {"question": "What are some ways to utilize time in sessions better, to be more effective?", "description": "I have started writing things down, in hopes that things can be more efficient when I find a match", "answer": "-Ask the therapist to work with you to identify homework, something to do or think about in between sessions. \n\n\n-Write down 2-3 things you want to discuss in therapy each day. In response to each, write down what you are hoping to get out of the session by discussing them. Talk about this with your therapist. \n\n\n-Be up front with your therapist regarding what is helpful and what isn't as far as the ways in which they're working with you. \n\n\n-Journal or take notes throughout the course of the week as things come up in relation to your treatment goals. To some extent, nobody is a perfect historian and trying to remember details of things that happened days ago can be tricky. Referring to notes or journal entries can be very helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d8e36i", "comment_id": "d8e36i"}, {"question": "Should I seek help?", "description": "I've always been someone who has dealt with spouts of anxiety and depression since early teens. About 4 years ago I had to have a full medical for a job and they had to know all the medication I was on I was taking anti anxiety medication. The doctor doing the full medical told me that I would have to stop taking that medication if I wanted to get the job. I stopped taking it and the last 4 years have been hell because I live in fear because of what that doctor said? Scared to go back to the doctors and also worried they won't believe me that I don't feel right, what can I do?", "answer": "If you were taking an anxiolytic (xanax, ativan, etc.), and had a legitimate prescription from a physician, you can't be denied employment. You disclose, I imagine you're drug tested, when you pop for a benzo, someone calls you for a copy of your med info on the bottle, and you're clear. People get security clearances on meds. I'm clueless as to why the doctor said you couldn't take that medication. It doesn't sound like you had to have a security clearance/background investigation, as your record (years prior) would have been provided to your prospective place of employment. Do you live in the US?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e37syd", "comment_id": "e37syd"}, {"question": "Concerned over what my child is saying", "description": "On mobile, sorry for the wall of text. \n\nMy child is 8, and has been saying things about killing herself. If I don't respond to her text fast enough, she says things like \"I should just die\". She's also asked me, \"why do you abuse me?\" The thing is, she's never been abused. We have a fairly stable home life, parents together; no drugs/ alcohol. Her dad and I both work, and while sometimes we struggle financially, we also have lights, water, and food on the table. She says these things when her behavior is out of control, throwing things and screaming, and I have her go to her room to try and calm down in there, or just feel her feelings in her room, her space. She has a great, helping heart. But she also is very emotional and just spirals. \nWe want to put her in therapy, but I'm concerned that if she says she's being abused, there will be an investigation. And I know we have nothing on that end to worry about, that's still not something I want my family to go through. I guess what I'm asking is would her saying she's abused be enough for a case to be opened? I'm not saying there's no abuse to cover my butt or anything, there is genuinely no abuse, physical, mentally or otherwise.", "answer": "It sounds to me as if she is using some of these behaviors to grab your attention and get her way. Understandable that you would become upset at the sound of your child talking about suicide! My favorite parenting book is 1,2,3 Magic. I use it myself, teach parenting classes with it and use it in my practice. It\u2019s usually available at local libraries and is also very inexpensive on Amazon, especially if you don\u2019t mind a used copy. It will help you learn to take the emotion out of her behaviors and your own reactions. Highly recommend. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwcp01", "comment_id": "bwcp01"}, {"question": "I'm [F/21] going back to the guy who broke my heart...[M/24]", "description": "Last year I was seeing a guy for 4 months. We were exclusive but never \"bf/gf.\" Things ended out of the blue when he STOPPED REPLYING and GHOSTED ME! \n\nBut I never sent multiple messages and just let him go.\n\nNow, over a year later he pops back up. Due to his charm and funniness I agreed to a date. We've been on 2 dates now and haven't discussed where this is going, or even properly spoken about what happened last time. Will this all end in tears?", "answer": "It's risky. ASK all the big questions whenever you need to. Talk through what happened before. Keep your eyes and ears open. Make sure he states his intents clearly. Go slow. Be careful and watchful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672fdu", "comment_id": "672fdu"}, {"question": "[31/f] My husband's [32/m] binge drinking is a problem to me, not him.", "description": "I'm so frustrated with my husband. He is an admitted binge drinker, and as long as he doesn't drive or hurt anyone, he thinks it's fine for him to get blackout drunk every weekend. He has a great job, does chores around the house, so he feels like he's earned the right to drink as much as he wants, when he wants to.\n\nDuring the week he'll have a few beers, but once his buddies call during the weekend, he's going out and when he comes home, he has lost his basic motor skills- stumbles around, can barely make it to the bathroom, can't drink a cup of water without spilling it. It's a sad sight, and it's something we've fought about for years. I also drink, but not to the extent that he does.\n\nIt hurts me to see him in that blackout state. We've gone to therapy over the years, but he recently told me he has not been open to our sessions so it hasn't helped. He said he can't open up emotionally if he's sober, go figure.\n\nHe comes from a family who drinks, and I do not. So to him, me asking him to give up binge drinking is like me asking him to stop eating apricots- he thinks it's an arbitrary request that's coming from me out of a desire to exercise control over him. Like, why should I care if he eats apricots on the weekends or not? It's that asinine to him.\n\nThis is literally the only thing we fight about. But because we are very social people, it comes up every single week. Is it unfair of me to expect him to not get so drunk at every social event that he blacks out and loses the function of basic motor skills? As a wife, is it my job to tell him how I feel, and that's it? Is it unfair of him to drink as much as he wants with no regard to how I feel about it?\n\nI've posted on alcohol-related subreddits in the past, so this is my first post here. I just want to know if I'm being an unreasonable controlling nagging wife, or if my husband needs to cut back on his drinking (or stop) so I don't have to worry about him falling over and hurting himself (which has happened) and being the drunk guy at social events. He's such a fun, wonderful person he does himself a disservice when he gets wasted.\n\nWe've only been married for a little over a year, have been together for seven. I know alcohol can ruin marriages, so how do you deal when one person gets drunk and the other doesn't?\n\nEdit: Everyone agrees it is a problem. So now how do I show him or make him understand that even though he's not driving/abusive/doing anything negative while he binges, it's still not ok? Me telling him that I don't like it isn't enough for him to want to change his behavior.", "answer": "that means it's a PROBLEM, period. it has to be resolved, or it's a potential deal breaker.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "671l4g", "comment_id": "671l4g"}, {"question": "Marijuana to help panic attacks.", "description": "I\u2019m not necessarily a stoner, I smoke a few days a week but don\u2019t stay stoned all day. But if I go more than a couple days without smoking I tend to get panic attacks. Does anyone else have a problem like this and know a different solution (I don\u2019t have the money to afford CBDs) as I start getting really bad panic attacks after a week of not smoking and I don\u2019t always have easy access to it.", "answer": "It really almost doesn't matter how often you smoke with marijuana as to whether it's going to cause this. There are people who smoke 4-5 days a week and don't get \"addicted\". If you do smoke regularly in order to cope with your stress you will end up dependent though. Only way this will likely go away is if you quit smoking for good while, learn healthier ways to cope with the anxiety, and if you do decide to start smoking again, make a conscious effort not to smoke when you are incredibly stressed.\n\n\nLoads of people go to therapy for help with this and I'd suggest the same. Learning how to cope with stress in healthy ways is hard for everyone. It becomes a hell of a lot harder when you've spent months or years using a chemical to cope and then suddenly have to stop, want to stop, or just can't get it. \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8nmkyb", "comment_id": "8nmkyb"}, {"question": "I think I triggered my GF's PTSD", "description": "Hey, I am kinda lost right now. I am pretty sure I triggered my GF's PTSD and I am not sure what to do. It happened a few weeks ago while driving I made a comment about how she was driving. She was being too aggressive towards other drivers and I was uncomfortable so I calmly said that she has a little girl in the back seat watching her and learning from her (her daughter is 12 and will be driving in a few years and absolutely adores her mom and mimics everything she does). I thought it was a good, low key way to let her know that I thought she was being too aggressive and that she should relax a bit. I think this is what triggered it. She spent the rest of the drive not talking, barely going the speed limit and sitting on her one hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. She wouldn't look at me the rest of the day and when we got back to her house she told me that I should go while she drops her daughter off at a friends house. I know her mom was physically abusive to her when she was growing up and would make comments to her about how she isn't doing a good job raising her daughter.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis happened 3 weeks ago. She hasn't said much about the incident just that I was absolutely right with what I said and that this isn't my fault. After doing some reading, I have backed off and given her some time and space. She will reach out to me every couple of days to say she is sorry and she wants to try to hang out. We have hung out a few times and though we are both happy to see each other it is definitely a different feel and when I leave it feels like she can't get me out of the house fast enough. We've hung out 3 times since the incident. The first time I thought we were starting to get back to normal (it was a Tuesday, we had dinner at her place and the 3 of us played games at the table and laughed and joke a lot). The next time was that Friday and it felt a lot more cold, I don't think I realized her trying to keep distance between us. she cancelled plans with me on Sunday and then we didn't speak again until she reached out on Wednesday apologizing again and said she wants to work on closing the gap. We hung out again this Friday and though she seemed happy to see me I made sure to not push things and get too close to her. the 3 of us watch a movie and I snuggled with her daughter on the couch while she sat by herself in a chair. Saturday we texted a bit but she seemed distant again and now today I haven't gotten a response from her.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don't know what to do, I miss her and her daughter like crazy. I don't know a lot about what is going on here. I am pretty sure she is trying to cope with this on her own or with close family and friends but she doesn't currently have health insurance so I don't think she is getting any professional help.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit:\n\nThank you everyone. It was very helpful to get some perspective and understand more of what shes feeling and where it comes from. I know about her history and what shes gone through, I knew she had PTSD but this is my first major experience with it. Like I said, I have all the patience in the world for her and if you would have told me beforehand that she just needed space I would have said \"cool, I can do that\" but it gets really hard, the little things. I call her every day on my drive home from work and when I can't do that I really notice or if I've had a bad day and want to talk to her I can't just call her up. Like I said earlier, the insight you all have provided has helped calm me down and regain my composure as well as approach the situation more informed and better able to react. I miss her and her daughter a ton. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you", "answer": "A part of it is wondering if people will stick around after they see your stuff. I think you know what to do. Stay safe. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "a6u0rn", "comment_id": "a6u0rn"}, {"question": "Why i'm i [29/m] often doubting my relationship with my partner [30/f]?", "description": "Since we met i felt doubt, i wanna strive for a rich life with meditation, yoga, finding your true self etc. I was interested in researching psychedelics, consciousness and similar things. She on the other hand had a very protected upbringing, only child in her family and pretty scared of new things. She's interested in exploring life but not at all the way i want to do it.\n\nSomething in me really wants to stay with her, she's really trustworthy, caring and intelligent. But there are minor things that add up and frustrates me. \n\n* I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.\n\n* Her general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.\n\n* She doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).\n\n* She doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\n\n* Her only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.\n\nI'm not sure what to do, i feel so alone sometimes and i have this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach as if i want to express something that i'm unable to with her. We've tried going to couples counselling. I was advised to not critique and she was advised to try to let her guard down toward life.\n\nWe have been together for 5 years. I want a future with her but i feel so incredibly hopeless and depressed when these things happen. Something in me really wants to stay with her but another part of me has a longing of exploring something else, something that's maybe better. This doubt really exhaust and depresses me.\n\nCan anyone relate? How did you handle your doubt or situation?\n\nI just want to find a constructive and sustainable way out of this intermittent suffering. Because we have our good moments too, it's not all bad. This happens especially when i'm tired, had a bad day or when i'm thinking alot.", "answer": "I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.**if you are very different in this regard, and can't find common ground, then you just have to accept that your 'ways' are going to be different. often couples like this have separate spaces in their house they can call their own**\nHer general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.**it's up to her to decide how educated she wants to be. you can help if she wants but ultimately she has to own it**\nShe doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).**doesn't sound like someone you can joke with. sarcasm imo is a bad trait with no upside**\nShe doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\nHer only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.**if you have zero shared interests, it's pretty hard to make it as a couple. again, she has to decide if she wants to be more enaged and self-actualized in life. and you have to decide if she's boring or not stimulating enough to sustain a life together**", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w3rrm", "comment_id": "5w3rrm"}, {"question": "Young people\u2019s meetings", "description": "Anyone been to the young people\u2019s AA meetings? Is 31 still young? I want to go but don\u2019t want to embarrass myself", "answer": "I went to the young people's meeting in my area. I'm 40 years old and I was average age of everyone there. I thought the same thing as you, turns out it wasn't just all young people.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "boze2p", "comment_id": "boze2p"}, {"question": "Coping with graphic violence as part of my career.", "description": "As part of the career path I am on, my work is/will require me to vet graphic violence daily, I am not a kid anymore, and this kind of thing bothers me more and more the older I get. I just wanted to ask if anyone here has to do something similar on a regular basis and how you get through, how I can try and keep it at work. I find I am straying more and more from it even in a fictional settings, not so much in a sci fi/fantasy type setting, but CSI type, could be real setting. I am afraid it is going to affect other aspects of my work and I know it's coming home with me, dreams in particular, extremely vivid, heartbreaking dreams. I want stay on this path, I know I am doing real world good doing what I do, I am just not sure if I can handle it. Thank you for the advice!", "answer": "\u201cTrauma Stewardship\u201d is a great book on this topic. \n\nTake your reservations seriously. You can\u2019t help but be affected by your environment. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7zu9jy", "comment_id": "7zu9jy"}, {"question": "Diagnosing Mental Illnesses", "description": "I've been interested in mental illness for a long time, and one question I have never been able to find a satisfying answer for is the extent to which it can be accurately diagnosed. To give a little personal background, I've never been diagnosed with a mental illness. However, I did see a doctor when I was around 12 or 13 (I lied about my symptoms because I didn't want to be put on medication), and am confident that if I were to see a mental health professional and be honest with them I could get diagnosed with a few disorders. Without going into great detail, I have moderately severe anxiety (mostly social) and depression. I also have a tendency to be paranoid and occasionally things I know aren't true seem to be very real (for example, as a teenager I once convinced myself that I had contracted rabies despite never having been bitten by an animal and displaying no symptoms). Not looking for sympathy, just want to give some context as to where I'm coming from.\n\nIn a college I read David Rosenhan's \"On Being Sane in Insane Places,\" where he essentially displayed the inability of psychiatric hospitals to diagnose schizophrenia. Based on this, I ended up writing a term paper entitled \"The Social Origins of Mental Illness,\" the central argument of which was that most mental illnesses are either just behavior society deems abnormal or are caused to a large extent by an individual's social environment. Building off this idea, I started to try to come up with my own definition of mental health, and have been very unsuccessful. This is largely due to the fact that I don't think I've ever met a human being that I think is sane, myself included. Some people think worshiping the sun is insane, but have no problem kneeling in front of a cross to pray and sincerely believe that they can communicate with a guy they read about in a book who supposedly died over 2000 years ago. To me, that seems to be an indicator of poor mental health. Humanity is destroying the planet that sustains us as a species and yet every day people pile into their cars to drive to a job they hate. I don't believe that any of those people are mentally healthy.\n\nI guess my point here boils down to me not being able to take seriously any diagnosis of mental illness, at least not in this society, because I don't believe I have met anyone who is mentally stable enough, myself included, to make such a diagnosis. Has anyone experienced something similar?", "answer": "Mental illness diagnosis largely revolves around symptoms that cause a considerable amount of distress, whether acute or chronic in nature, depending on the disorder. \nI would direct you to the DSM for criteria for diagnosing mental illness for specifics and because I'm not going to try to list symptoms from memory and call it accurate. \nAn example would be major depressive disorder, which usually goes beyond just feeling sad or hopeless from time to time. Depression symptoms have to be present for something like 6 months straight prior to a diagnosis being made. Some symptoms would be suicidal ideation and planning, hopelessness, feelings of extreme sadness, markedly increased or decreased appetite, overeating or undereating, and extremely low motivation to do anything. \nPeople with manor depressive disorder are locked into a state of these symptoms for months on end without relief, causing considerable distress in their daily life. The main reason for any mental health diagnosis is to provide some understanding for treatment modalities that tend to work well for people experiencing distress from similar symptoms, while the symptoms may present differently in different people. \n\nIt sounds like you have a cynical view of a couple areas, and I've found the only remedy for cynicism is research and diving into the history of the subject you disbelieve or don't trust. Rather than seeking out someone that you believe is sane, I would maybe research what people diagnosed with different mental illnesses show as far as symptoms oraybe take the chance to work in mental health in order to get a comparison of abnormal vs normal behavior. Seeing what society deems as abnormal may help you see the basis for mental health diagnosis, why it exists, and that it isn't a hoax or part of a larger conspiracy fabricated and perpetuated by society. \nI hope this helps\n\nSource: I have been working in mental health since high school and currently work on an inpatient mental health floor and in an ED as a mental health professional. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7up0q3", "comment_id": "7up0q3"}, {"question": "I [19/m] wish I could help my [19/f] girlfriend be less lonely", "description": "I don't know how to fix this situation. I've never posted here but writing this out feels good. So here it goes\n\nI know my girlfriend is feeling lonely and depressed. But, whenever were together things feel great. She's energetic and funny and great to be around, although when we have to spend a significant amount of time apart she gets lonely and feels as though no one is interested in being her friend. She's a very social person and being alone for too long really gets her down. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for her. \n\nSometimes I feel like spending less time together could help her create other relationships outside of our own, but it's hard not to be together for extended periods of time on a consistent basis because we live together. I feel closer to her then any other friends and I know she feels than same. \n\nI guess i just want a way to help her make new friends. I know this isn't something I can really influence and she has to do it on her own, but it's hard to watch someone you care a lot about feel that way. Any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "Oh my god that sounds like something my SO would say about me. I don't have any advice, though. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to endure. I hope she figures something out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "41z673", "comment_id": "41z673"}, {"question": "No circumsized but", "description": "Ok I am an uncircumcised male. I learned at an early age to clean myself. I was also told to pull the skin back while pissing and whatnot to keep it from being tight during sex. Now here is my issue. I recently had an issue where the skin near the head got ripped from lack of proper lubrication with a sex toy (lessoned learned). While it was on the mends for about 2 weeks I only pulled it back during showers while extremely flaccid. Now it is extremely tight and damn near impossible to pull back while hard and if I pull it back before I get hard it hurt because it is clearly trying to stretch again. How do I regain that elasticity in a short amount of time?", "answer": "I think you just have to give it time. But ill defer to any passing urologist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "533a2c", "comment_id": "533a2c"}, {"question": "Me [20/M] wondering if I was to sensitive about toxic things my ex [20/F] has done. Perhaps I'm the one that ruined it all.", "description": "Hey Guys,\n\nI have recently been very depressed over my ex-girlfriend who I had broken up with over a year ago (However it had dragged on for up until the last 3 months ago). I grew up with her and we got together in high school up until the second year of university.\n\nI broke up with her because the relationship had became quite toxic and I felt as if she no longer had any respect for me. I was bad at setting up boundaries and I realize that now and the love that I had for her and begun to turn into resentment for the ways she had been treating me.\n\nIt really destroyed my sense of worth. She had flirted with dudes behind my back on tinder while we were coming out of a break (happened nearly a year ago and I just can\u2019t get over it) , hacked my Facebook, grinded with dudes in front of my best friends right after we broke up kept talking to this guy behind my back and some other toxic things that I really don\u2019t want to get into. Sometimes I don\u2019t believe that she has really become like this \u2014 I know that people change but just these things don\u2019t seem like her.\n\n**I\u2019m not trying to say that I was the best boyfriend either but I don\u2019t believe that any of the things I did was nearly as toxic (then again I don\u2019t want to play the victim either).**\n\nMy problem is that I always feel like she is going to be much better than me \u2014 she is very attractive and is very sweet when she wants to be. I have taken a lot of time too look at the part which I played in the relationship to ultimately learn from my mistakes. I feel like that it was my lack to set proper boundaries which really caused the failure of the relationship and whatever toxic things she had done was in fact due to the way I was acting and at times I will admit I must have hurt her a lot emotionally. I often hear from people that boundaries are not just black and white and just because someone does something toxic doesn\u2019t mean it came out of nowhere or that they are toxic at heart.\n\nShe has always had guys chasing her and although I am the one who broke up with her sometimes I honestly feel like I have made a terrible mistake. Now that she is on Tinder I know that it is only a matter of time before she finds a guy who she will be much happier with. \n\nIt hurst to know sometimes that perhaps the reason she is acting like this is just because it\u2019s her first real relationship and that her next one she will act like a totally normal girlfriend because the next guy sets proper boundaries.\n\n**Sometimes I also wonder that perhaps I\u2019m just overly sensitive and that these are small things that can be forgotten and forgiven.** \n\nFurthermore, I really have been working on myself , going to the gym , meeting and having small flings with girls but no matter what happens my mind and wants always seem to wander back to her.\n\nIt just seems like cheating physical or emotionally (emotional in my case) seems to be whats so intertwined into the dating world of my generation. Perhaps its just something I\u2019m way to overly sensitive about; I\u2019m only 20 after all.\n\nMy mind has just been all over the place recently and have been depressed like this for the last 6 months.\n\nShould I give her another shot? Should I stop being so sensitive? Or am I just blinded by emotion.\n\nThanks in advance for those who comment.\n\n\n", "answer": "It seems she wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted. I would move on and find someone more compatible with less drama.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z13r2", "comment_id": "6z13r2"}, {"question": "My [48 M] son [15 M] and step-son [14 M] are in a relationship", "description": "Hi! Originally posted this to /r/relationships, but it was locked and I was advised to post here.\n\nUsing a throwaway because my family know my account.\n\nSo I married my wife [49 F] when our sons were both 9. They were born a few months apart, and in the same school year (different primary schools, they met when we introduced them). They got along incredibly well and wife and I thought ourselves very lucky. They go to the same secondary school and have the same group of friends, they've gotten even closer since then.\n\nThey have always been very touchy-feely with each other, the normal play-fights boys have but also hugging a lot, kissing each others cheeks, sitting on each others knees, cuddling on couch, sometimes sleeping in the same bed if they fell asleep reading or something. Looking back maybe this wasn't the best idea, but I love step-son as a son (his dad isn't around) and wife loves my son as a son too (his mother died when he was young), so we've always thought of them as brothers.\n\nLast night during dinner I asked step-son if he was seeing anyone lately (he is openly gay but we've never met a boyfriend), suddenly step-son and son were looking sheepishly at each other before my son drops the bombshell: \"Actually, we've kind of been seeing each other for over a year.\" Wife and I were really shocked, I honestly didn't even know my son was gay.\n\nOther than the fact they were together my son didn't give any details, however step-son lacks a mental filter (especially with his mum) and so we know they have had sex with each other and have been sleeping in the same bed nearly every night, with son sneaking back to his bedroom early in the morning.\n\nNow we're at a loss for what to do next. I'm thinking we need to set boundaries - no sleeping in same bed EVER, no sex in our house until they're 16 at least, I think family therapy for all four of us should be mandatory. To be honest I initially wanted to make them break up then and there but both son and step-son refused.\n\nAlso my wife has always been... a hippy of sorts, which I found cute (until now). She and I agreed about being sex positive with the boys, educating them about protection, consent, relationships and trust from when they started secondary school (age 11). However, wife is (IMO) taking this too far with the current situation; Her idea was to give them a box of condoms and let the boys live together in bigger bedroom, turning the smaller bedroom into a lounge for the boys!!!\n\ntl;dr: Step-son and son are in a sexual relationship, wife seems weirdly chilled about this and I'm losing my mind! What do I do?", "answer": "Therapist here. I don't have any additional advice that hasn't already been given, but I will say that you have to be EXTREMELY cautious about taking this situation to a therapist. As a mandated reporter, many of them will feel obligated to make a DFACS/CFS report, possibly even at the initial phone call. In most states, the laws would pretty clearly be against you here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qbbjc", "comment_id": "5qbbjc"}, {"question": "Was this a Hallucination and should I go see a Doctor about it?", "description": "19F, 175cm, 86kg, European, Hallucination, ~ 15 - 30 sec, Known Medical Issues: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, OCD, PTSD, Dyslexia (Possible Issues: Disasociative Disorder(not DID), Migraines) Medication: Sertralin, Iboprofen\n\nSitting at my desk, for hours with breaks inbetween, gaming on a big screen, dimmed through settings to warm light. Next to me colourful fairy-lights, not blinking and still, on my window, shutters down. Throughout the last hours I drank one energy drink which I don't usually do. \n\nHallucination:\nFrom the corner of my eye I see lights blinking like police lights in blue. It was so convincing I believed that like 3 police cars drove up. Looking towards the light/s to see if I see correctly. There is no police but a green glowing orb, the size of my fist, wobblingly flying before the other side of my window (inside still, without fairy-lights). I thought something on my desk must be the source but no, I don't have anything that could produce such a light, especially not moving, I look back, it is still there, wobbling. I get scared, I notice my left eye (window and orb are to my right), is hurting faintly, I look at my desk, look back, it's gone. I'm scared of my own mind going crazy, i block out any surroundings with my hands by my eyes, like shutters on a horse and look only directly at my desk. Thinking, wtf just happend and trying to calm myself down.\n\nDo I experience stress: always constantly for atleast a year now, with only occasional calmness. I honestly don't know how it feels to not be stressed.", "answer": "A single hallucination is not a big deal, and it's actually surprisingly common among people who have no mental health issues. If anything like that recurs, it's worth seeing a doctor. Strange visual hallucinations are likely to be eye or brain problems.\n\nBecause our brain has so much visual processing built in, the visual cortex is also good at turning noise into signal. Something in your eye or a transient irritation of the optic nerve could have produced junk signal that your brain did its best to turn into something meaningful (police lights, flying orb). But that's totally speculation on my part. Hopefully it never happens again and you never know what that was about.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e80gvu", "comment_id": "e80gvu"}, {"question": "5 years and still no ring", "description": "I've (21) been dating my boyfriend for the past 5 years(26) and it's been the most amazing 5 years of my life . I am still totally inlove with him and so is he , without a doubt\n\nA year ago we agreed that we would wait before making any commitments -since I'm in varsity and have 3 more years to go... which I was fine with. We sometimes apart for a while - not longer than a month- yet we still going strong .\n\nWe talk everyday and he is always assuring me of his love and still wanting to spend his life with but somehow I want commitment. I don't know if it's wanting something in my hand for ego or security. I families have met to talk about it and they are ok with us waiting but so was I at a point \n\nMaybe I'm just overreacting. ..I don't know but I feel like this desire is pulling me away from him. We spoke about it and he says he wants to do things right when we can really affford. I just love him so muchis there anything I can do to convince him or change my reasoning? Or maybe his still unsure? I'm so confused", "answer": "sounds like he is pretty committed. and has the maturity to wait for the right moment. hang in, you'll get there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pjrbc", "comment_id": "5pjrbc"}, {"question": "Do long distance relationships work?", "description": "Do long distance relationships work? My last 2 long distance relationships hasn't worked. \nDo they work at all? Should I try again? It's hard to meet eligible men where I live.", "answer": "For obvious reasons, Long distance relationships are certainly a challenge. However they can certainly work. People have to be very mature, and have very good impulse control, and stay in touch as much as possible", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sw6n0", "comment_id": "5sw6n0"}, {"question": "Will cheap reading glasses harm my perfect vision?", "description": "Age: 19, Sex: Male, Height: 6'3\", Race: Caucasian, Weight: 190 lbs, Duration of complaint: N/A, Location: Eyes.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo I'm not trying to wear reading glasses to look cool or see better, my vision is quite good actually. My problem is that I'm a philosophy major at my university and a lot of the books we have to read are in very small print. I have no trouble with reading the small print, however, it really strains my eyes when I read for long periods of time (about an hour or so). Rather than buying additional books with larger print, I'm thinking about just buying some cheap reading glasses that will magnify the text slightly (about 1.25%). I would also like to get some readers with a blue light filter tint if that exists. \n\nMy Question: Will these readers impact my vision, or do I have nothing to be worried about? Thanks!", "answer": "Only risk is cheap sunglasses or wearing non sunglasses with wrong correction too much (ie even when not reading).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c4osed", "comment_id": "c4osed"}, {"question": "I keep passing out after getting the flu shot, why?", "description": "My wife and I (24M and 23F) went to go get our flu shots this Saturday (10/19) and starting Sunday evening, I have been passing out around noon every day for 3 days now. I have read online that it is a side effect that should subside by the 48-hour point and it has not. My lymph node in my armpit that I received the shot is also swollen/sore. Does anyone know what might be the cause, and is it serious or will it go away with time?", "answer": "A flu shot can normally cause lymph node swelling as part of the immune response that generates immunity, but it is not causing loss of consciousness. That is potentially very serious and you should see a doctor\u2014ER, if you can't get an appointment quickly, or if you lose consciousness again.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dlkcbf", "comment_id": "dlkcbf"}, {"question": "Recently I\u2019ve been so scared of death I can\u2019t sleep", "description": "How the fuck can anyone be scared of spiders when dying exists... I\u2019ve been seriously contemplating my own mortality the last couple months and it\u2019s been driving me to near insanity. Just the concept that one day I will no longer exist terrifies me more then anything I could ever imagine. For five years I slept with my fucking phone pressed into the side of my skull so I\u2019m probably gonna die of brain cancer before I\u2019m 30 (please someone debunk this for me so I can stop torturing myself). I\u2019m just looking for advice on how to successfully cope with these thoughts I\u2019ve been having because whenever I\u2019m in bed and start thinking about the end of life, my body reacts so strongly I jolt awake and spend the rest of the night frozen in just pure primal fear at the thought that everything is temporary. ", "answer": "You may have OCD. THis is actually common and can be cured. Please go get help!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7u9rsz", "comment_id": "7u9rsz"}, {"question": "[28/m] left by the love of my life [23/f], advice needed.", "description": "Throwaway account.\n\nAbout 3 weeks ago the girl I wanted to marry broke up with me. Reasons given were my mental absence and lack of attention. She isn't wrong. I've felt some unexplained melancholy for a few months, but nothing I ever perceived as relationship-ending.\n\n\nLooking back I realize what I did wrong, but she won't acknowledge that someone my age is capable of change. I've seen her twice and talked to her a few times since the break up and she's been uncharacteristically cold and void of emotion, except for telling me she still loves me and will always care for me, however won't give me another chance.\n\nShe will be traveling out of the country for 3 months tomorrow and there's a good chance I will never see her again unless I try to. I intend to continue the plans we had and also move out of the country soon.\n\nI am completely heartbroken and have no direction to follow right now. I was going to propose in September. My world is shattered and I'm currently incapable of imagining life without her.\n\nThank you for reading, any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "very sad. surround yourself with people who love you and keep busy doing things you love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i6l87", "comment_id": "6i6l87"}, {"question": "My crush just confessed his love to me...", "description": "...and I feel terrible about luring him into my mental problems and I feel terrible about not feeling happy for myself right now and rather wishing he didn't do it and that he would hate me instead.\n\nI'll probably end up rejecting him to make things easier on him and myself in the long run and then will regret it to a degree, but not enough to make a different choice right now. I just find myself incapable of accepting or pursuing happiness, because I know I'll be the reason for it to be ruined and being even worse afterwards for everyone involved. I can hardly identify happiness anymore. What does it feel like again?\n\nWe talked quite a few times about my depression and autism in the past and when he confessed he said it would be okay and he'd do everything to help me and be here for me, but I know it wont work and that I don't deserve him wasting his time on me and he even deserves less so to get false hope from me...\n\nMy heart made a single jump when he confessed, butterflies emerged in my stomach for a brief moment, but it was quickly replaced with all these realizations and thoughts inside my head leading to telling him \"thank you\" and that I'd have to think about it, but I think I already made up my mind in that very moment.\n\nWhy the fuck can't I just be happy that someone I am into is into me as well and go for it? That's a rhetorical question.\n\nFuck depression, fuck being an autist who can't turn her brain off and just *act*... just - fuck it!\n\nI just had to write this down, tell \"someone\", thanks to whoever read this.\n\nEdit: Just to clarify, since it came across the wrong way. He knows I am depressed and autistic, but he doesn't know anything in-depth. Barely that these words exist in my life.", "answer": "Don\u2019t let this opportunity go! He\u2019s there for you and understands you. He sounds perfect. Depression is not so hard when you have someone to support you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "92ictg", "comment_id": "92ictg"}, {"question": "sexual validation", "description": "hey folks so basically my partner just isn't as interested in sex as i am bc they're dealing with trauma from an abusive ex. they has perfectly good reasons for not wanting to be sexual which i respect. we're on a break from stuff right now but it's been so hard for me my confidence is fucking zero and i thought maybe when i found a job i would feel better about myself but it's not helping either. it doesn't feel like i can say anything bc like what am i gonna say? your trauma is hard for me? that's just not fair. but i can't stand feeling like this i just wanna feel good about myself. fuck idk ", "answer": "don't take it personally", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tesj", "comment_id": "70tesj"}, {"question": "What type of therapy to recover from recurrent childhood trauma?", "description": "I [have read](http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Treating_Adult_Survivors_Childhood_Emotional_Abuse_Neglect_G0003.pdf) that common types of therapy for trauma, like CBT or CPT, are mostly designed to treat PTSD stemming from one (or multiple) traumatic incidents. But what about complex non-PTSD trauma? \n\nWhat type of therapy would be best for an adult seeking to recover from complex, recurring emotional trauma that occurred throughout childhood? The article linked above talks about component-based psychotherapy, which looks promising but seems to be somewhat new and may not be easy to find (located in Brussels, Belgium). \n\nAny advice or suggestions are welcome.", "answer": "It would depend partially on how the trauma is manifesting itself presently. If not presenting as PTSD/PTSD-like, then how? That changes what types of treatments may be recommended or effective.\n\nI'm assuming you are in the US. If so, seeking out a provider with the Clinical Certified Trauma Professional (CCTP) might be a good start.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ew6zh8", "comment_id": "ew6zh8"}, {"question": "On the upswing (I hope)", "description": "So after a really really bad depressive episode the past few weeks, I think I'm finally on the upswing. It helps that it has finally stopped raining and the sun is shining, also! \n\nJust a reminder that it will get better. I know, so cliche. But if you look at my posting history for the past few weeks, you can see how desperate and awful I was feeling. But I'm feeling a bit better now...it may not last a long time, but just remember that these days are possible.\n\nThinking of all of you in dark places today. This is the most supportive and kind subreddit I've found and all of you are important and in my thoughts today :)", "answer": "It gives me hope to hear you're doing better. Sometimes I feel likeim stuck in this cycle and there is no escape. Thanks for the reminder. It will get better, it's always darkest before the dawn. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1nnviv", "comment_id": "1nnviv"}, {"question": "I [F36] get extremely bothered when people have opinions that I strongly disagree with, and it\u2019s affecting my day to day life", "description": "A few examples:\n\nMy mother in law thinks covid 19 is a hoax. She posts memes and articles on facebook about it being no worse than the flu, it\u2019s a leftist hoax to control the masses, a conspiracy to make money off of vaccines etc. It makes me so angry to the point where it\u2019s the first thing I think about in the morning. I don\u2019t argue with her because there\u2019s no point. I can\u2019t convince her anyway. But my mind still grinds away at all the counter arguements I would make.\n\nAnother example is that I\u2019m a vegetarian leaning towards vegan, and we feed our three kids vegetarian/vegan food at home. I\u2019ve been a vegetarian for 13 years, I obviously know my shit. But last week one of my friends started talking about how it\u2019s a fad, that people get obsessed with \"the environment\" and take it too far by raising their kids vegan and making them malnutritioned. I told her that\u2019s not true, it\u2019s perfectly doable to raise kids on a vegetarian / vegan diet, but she straight up told me to \"just google it\". This is a dear friend so I\u2019m not gonna cut her off because she\u2019s stubborn and ignorant about vegetarianism. Still, I find myself letting my brain go haywire thinking about the stuff I should\u2019ve said, arguements I could\u2019ve made about proteins, calcium, vitamins, the environment, etc etc.\n\nIn the moment I kinda freeze up and try to smoothe things over because I don\u2019t want to end up argueing. I\u2019d rather just change the subject. I know from experience that I can rarely change someone\u2019s mind when they\u2019re already really stubborn about something. Also, I have a hard time remembering and articulating my points on the spot. So I try to take the \"high road\" and just ignore it. But I really struggle with letting it go. When someone has opinions I view as wrong, dangerous (covid hoax), cruel (thinking kids in cages at the border is necessary), ignorant (veganism is dangerous), it bothers me SO much. Like I\u2019ll be in the shower and just remember that a friend or family member said something outrageous and it upsets me so much.\n\nAnyone else here ever gone through the same thing? Any tips on how to not give a fuck that other people have opinions that are extremely different from mine? Because that\u2019s just kinda how the world works, and I want to be more at peace with it.\n\n**tl;dr** when someone has opinions (politics, diet, childrearing, what have you) that are extremely different from mine, I can\u2019t let it go and get over it. Need some tips on how to be at peace with people having, in my opinion, stupid opinions.", "answer": "I think that you may want to seek therapy to get coping skills on reducing your anger. But also try to find a mantra that calms you down (people have the right to be stupid) and learn to set firm boundaries on people who have opposing values.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gdv3p1", "comment_id": "gdv3p1"}, {"question": "Lyme Disease (borreliosis) due diligence", "description": "26 y/o; caucasian; Male; 5'7\"; 160 lbs; New England area; pre-existing: psoriasis (3.5 yrs) & anxiety/depression (always)\n\nStarting with summary & questions. Read on if interesting:\n\nAm experiencing serious symptoms, but my Lyme diagnosis/treatment seems under-explored given test results and a complex history. Afraid doctor may be jumping to conclusions too quickly and mistreating entirely, mistreating as early stage Lyme instead of late stage, and/or missing the full picture (co-infections?).\n\n1) Am I right to be skeptical that I've had enough testing to make a comprehensive Lyme diagnosis? \n\n\n2) What should I do to make sure I'm getting the best care including differential diagnoses and tick-borne co-infections? Bonus points for tangible suggestions for the Boston,MA area.\n\nDetail: \n\n-Treatment: 9 days into taking 100mg Doxycycline, 2x daily - 21 day regimen\n\nLyme disease diagnosis based on: \n- Western Lyme antibody test: 4.91 (>1.09 is FDA threshold)\n- A single reactive IGM band (41 KD)\n- Commensurate symptoms for Lyme including: heavy fatigue, bodily numbness / lightness, joint/muscle pain & pressure, headaches, facial pressure / numbness, acute anxiety and depression\n\nWeak data to spport diagnosis: The CDC has stricter guidelines for diagnosis (5+ IGG or 2+ IGM bands) than what my doctor went with. Given my symptoms and that I live in a Lyme dense region, I am ok with the diagnosis. \n\nHowever there are some complicating factors: \n1) I have had psoriasis since 2016 and autoimmune conditions are known to confound these types of antibody tests. \n\n2) At the onset of psoriasis (mid 2016), I had a severe psoriatic arthritis episode in left knee with inconclusive Lyme tests (but maybe it was Lyme and still is?).\n\n3) Since November of 2018, I have been having all kinds of odd eye problems including persistent blepharitis, styes, and chalazia. Proper hygiene has done little to help and despite most forms of conjunctivitis being very infectious my girlfriend and people around me have not picked up anything. I've had all kinds of trouble with facial pain/tension and light sensitivity which make me fear that it is a bigger deal than your common eye infection. Opthalmologist visits have not been helpful, and I've been unsuccessfully treated for shingles as a culprit. Supposedly all of this can happen with late-stage Lyme though.\n\nSo, my current and past symptoms are commensurate with Lyme disease. My feeling is that my history points towards late stage, but antibody tests haven't supported this. \n\nMy fear is that whatever it is has been going on for substantially longer than just this spring and I need a specialist who can treat much more comprehensively/vigorously. I've been met with treatment and level of care that feels inadequate and I'm not sure where to look next.\n\nYour thoughts are appreciated and could make a big difference!", "answer": "You have had enough testing to conclusively rule in or out Lyme disease. By standard criteria your testing rules out Lyme disease. There is no reason at present to suspect that this is a tick-borne illness. You're receiving proper treatment anyway.\n\nWhat you emphatically do not need is a Lyme specialist. They are practicing outside the generally recognized standards of evidence-based medicine. Instead, if this doesn't help, you need a second or third opinion to try to get a diagnosis for what has been going on. Monoarthritis and eye problems are not a classic Lyme presentation anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bs7138", "comment_id": "bs7138"}, {"question": "What do you watch if you need to cry or feel something?", "description": "I\u2019ve been feeling incredibly numb lately so I watch something that makes me cry. No it\u2019s not the notebook. I watch the last episode of the Netflix show unbelievable. It\u2019s about a girl who was wronged by the system and (spoiler) in the last episode she gets vindicated. \n\nI relate too much with her people not believing me and I just cry my eyes out when she gets her justice that I never got. I mean the main person who didn\u2019t believe me messaged me years later that his friend did the same thing to someone else. He killed himself days later. \n\nI\u2019m rambling and I have to be up in 4 hours to workout with my trainer and then work. I should sleep.", "answer": "What dreams may come. Robin Williams.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "ghkkxt", "comment_id": "ghkkxt"}, {"question": "Do I tell a psychiatrist about drug use?", "description": "I\u2019m a teen who\u2019s had a lot of mental health issues for a while and I think because of these issues I take drugs like ket and ecstasy and others or alcohol. I know that they might take my condition more seriously if I told them I take drugs as they often view it as self harm, but at the same time they may think my problems are a result of drug use and may not give me a proper diagnosis or medication because of it. I really can\u2019t risk not getting the help I need rn. I\u2019m not a ridiculously heavy user but they always ask that question. Any advice is appreciated xx", "answer": "Yes. 100% yes.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chsle2", "comment_id": "chsle2"}, {"question": "I'm scared of medication. Should I get treatment?", "description": "I'm 20, and recently come to terms with the fact that I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. It's currently at it's worst it's ever been, and to top it off there's a chance that in a month's time I'll be out of a job, with nowhere to live and kicked off my university course after three years, just before my final year.\n\nI realise I should go to a doctor but my experience with receiving treatment for other ailments here has been poor. I'm in the UK, and GPs seem to just want to get me out the door. I have history with drug abuse (mostly stimulants and weed), and though I'm doing pretty well at staying off them now, I'm not the same person I was before I started doing them. They've left me detatched and with anxiety issues. I'm confident these are mostly temporary issues and just need time, but I have a very addictive personality, have heard lots of bad re: SSRIs and fear I'd just end up hooked on them. Basically, I think messing with my brain chemistry any more would ruin me. Can anyone advise me? Is it the only way out of depression? This is probably quite a common thing to say but I just feel if I could get myself motivated and feeling better I could sort my life out. I've started running and am saving up for a gym membership. What other things can I do?", "answer": "Anti-depressants are not addictive- you don't get a high from them", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "uii80", "comment_id": "uii80"}, {"question": "I [28/m] feel that my happiness isn't important to her. My wife [31/f] says I'm too critical and analytical", "description": "UPDATE:\nAfter reviewing all the comments on here, I decided to write up a note. I focused it on my feelings and how I feel in great detail. At first she got very defensive and said that my note was unfair and contrary to what I had previously mentioned. When everything was said and done, she apologized. She apologized for the ignoring of my issues over time, and how she's caused me to feel how she feels. She mentioned that she's starting to see her issues, as we're both doing individual therapy at the moment and asked me to give her some time and be patient because she really wants to change and make things work. She mentioned that she wants to write up a reply note after she's really reflected. Not sure exactly what to think or how to handle it. thoughts?\n\nI'll do my best to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for 1 and a half years. I've had this on-going issue with her, that everything always has to be her way (eating out, daily/weekly activities, etc. I've mentioned how I feel many times in the past, and she's always deflected/denied any wrong doing. Our fights have escalated in the past year, me getting more angry easier, voice raising louder and louder. We live on the east coast, and she's originally from the west coast. A lot of the time, I feel like she doesn't really think about me, my happiness and my feelings. If she does anything, I feel that it's because she feels bad, or guilty - it's never really about doing something because I want to do it. She recently went to be with her family for 2 weeks, without me. She said that she needed time to reflect and some distance between us, so that she can think about her faults in our marriage. Prior to the very last time, this had been brought up 2 times previously, and both times she tried to shove it down my throat. That she was going to the west coast for a little bit of time, and my thoughts on the matter didn't matter. At one point she told me that going wasn't more important than being in this relationship, and making me happy. 2 or 3 days later we got into an argument, and she booked a flight to go back, and she left 2 days after that. \n\nMy biggest issues with her are always that I don't feel like my happiness is important to her. I'll try to plan something, an event, or weekend trip. She never shows any interest, she listens but never takes it seriously. We were suppose to go out of town for the day, the same day she left for 2 weeks, and she was well aware of the plans we had made. There has been a pattern of me doing things for her, and a lot of the time those things being detrimental to my plans, or to my happiness and I've done them for her, but I don't feel that she has done/or is willing to do those same types of things for me.\n\n She's always said, that she wants this relationship to be \"fair\" but I think it's been everything but that. She's been away for almost a week now, and we've spoken a few times on the phone. Most of those times, I feel that the conversation is forced. She says she misses me and wants to speak on the phone, but doesn't make it very warm and relaxed. It's her just waking up which is in the middle of my day (due to time differences) wanting to talk to me because she misses my voice, or wants to know what I'm doing. If I don't pick up her calls, then I'm ignoring her. However, if I send her a text, she will reply and say that she's busy and I have the worst timing. \n\nThe issues she's mentioned in our relationship is from me standing up for myself, and pointing out when something isn't ok with me. She claims that I'm critical, and too analytical. I've told her many times that \"I don't feel like I matter to you. I feel that others are higher priority than me to you. I feel ignored and neglected\". \n\nThese few days while she's been away, I don't get the feeling that she thinks about me too much, or even really cares about my happiness. Previous experience has shown me that she doesn't support me, let alone have much regard of my contentment in our relationship. Do I need to chill out? Am I working myself up for no good reason? Or is there legitimacy in my feelings?", "answer": "you need marriage counseling. there's a lot to work out here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbyzr", "comment_id": "6rbyzr"}, {"question": "One Quick Question!", "description": "What is difference between making Love & Sex? ", "answer": "making love is sex with feelings", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nlsy5", "comment_id": "6nlsy5"}, {"question": "If someone starts answering with only one word are they done talking?", "description": " For example you had a conversation going and there was some back and forth but at one point they just kept answering with \"yeah\" or other one word questions for example, say you are talking to someone about getting a new car and eventually the conversation starts to go\n\n\"Car X is really nice and it's good on gas you could probably afford it too\" \n\n\"haha yeah\"\n\n\" And I hear they are pretty reliable so you wouldn't have to worry about missing work at all\"\n\n\"yeah\"\n\n At this point is it pretty clear they are done talking and I should back off until they say something besides a one word answer?", "answer": "Ask them an open-ended question. If they respond to that open-ended question with a minimal answer then yeah, they're probably done talking. But if they take the question and run with it, then maybe they just didn't know how to respond to what you were saying earlier :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2jrads", "comment_id": "2jrads"}, {"question": "Please help me determine why my libido has disappeared / why I can't maintain an erection. I'm 31M and running out of hope.", "description": "Hi All,\n\nUsing a throwaway today. Not sure where to start so I\u2019m just gonna start.\n\n* **About Me**:\n* **Age**: 31\n* **Sex**: Male\n* **Height**: 6\u20192\n* **Weight**: 185\n* **Race**: Caucasian\n* **Sexual Orientation**: Gay\n* **Duration**: Mid 2016 until now \n* **Current Medication**: Daily generic Cialis\n* **Other Medical Information**\n\t\n-Born with Pectus Excavatum. Had it repaired twice with Ravitch and Nuss Bar procedures\n\t\n-Was misdiagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse for years. I DO have occasional heart rhythm issues, \t\tand a cardiac ablation has been recommended\n\n\n**Quick Summary**\nOver the last 8 months my libido and ability to achieve and maintain an erection has slowly disappeared. I currently have no libido at all. No desire to have sex or be sexual. I don\u2019t get horny. I\u2019m able to masturbate occasionally (but not always) if I \u2018remind\u2019 myself. It feels like someone flipped the switch and turned me off. \n\n**I have been as proactive as possible and have \u2026** \n\n* seen a sex therapist for 6 months who can\u2019t seem to diagnose what is going on, \n* had a (thankfully) \u2018unremarkable\u2019 ultrasound of my organs and testicles \n* took lexapro FOR potential priapism (thanks doc) but got super depressed and stopped\n* been to two urologists both said that my equipment is working fine, \n* tried viagra/ cialis (daily)/ vitamin D/ to no avail\n* changed my eating habits and started exercising regularly \n* even attempted seeking out other partners\n* I rarely get morning erections if I\u2019m taking the daily cialis. If I\u2019m not taking cialis I don\u2019t get anything at all.\n\n**My current hope is to see an endocrinologist on March 1st who I\u2019m hoping will be able to identify something that isn\u2019t right**\n\n**Current Situation**\nI\u2019m at my wits end. I\u2019m getting depressed. Starting not to care about work and other relationships. I know this is putting strain on my BF, who has stuck by my side throughout everything. Without his support I would truly be lost. I\u2019ve withdrawn from my family. I need some help. I need SOMEONE to tell me I\u2019m not crazy, and help me figure out what is going on so that I can get back on track. I fear that this is all related to something bigger and the longer it goes without diagnosis the worse it is going to be when I finally figure it out. **Please help**.\n\n**As much background info as I can muster**\n\n\n**Background**\n\nI\u2019ve never had a super high sex drive. When single I would kinda passively look for partners (on grindr etc), and masturbate a few times a week, every day of the week, or sometimes maybe skip a week. I know some friends that need to masturbate once or even several times a day. That's never been me, but I've never had NO sex drive (until now.)\n\nGrowing up, I had some body dysmorphia (from my Pectus Excavatum), and i didn't come out of the closet until my early twenties. I didn\u2019t have the same sexual experiences as some (most?) do as adolescents and young adults. That being said, I do of course like sex and being sexual, topping and bottoming (though I\u2019m pretty much a bottom). I just didn\u2019t get as much \u2018practice\u2019 as I would have liked to. I did come out, and have been sexually active for about 10 years so I don\u2019t think there\u2019s really any issues there. I\u2019m not sure of the relevance of my previous sexual experience, but want to be as complete as possible. Of course I was much hornier in my earlier twenties.\n\n\n**The problem**\n\nAll that being said, late last summer I started losing my libido. It was gradual at first, and then disappeared almost completely. Around the same time I met an amazing, wonderful kind and caring guy who absolutely lights up my life. At first we could have sex and I could stay hard, but by the end of the year not only had I lost my libido but also my ability to get and stay hard all together. Throughout everything he has been my rock, been by my side and has just been generally wonderful. I was and am sexually attracted to him.\n\n\n**The summer- PREP / The first BLOOD TEST**\n\nThe first half of 2016 was actually the most active I had been in a while, with 1-2 partners a month between Jan-August. Usually just one night stands, but a few repeats. Due to the frequency I was hooking up I decided to get on Truvada. I passed the blood test and STD check and started taking it daily in July. I stopped in September when my (now) BF and I decided to be exclusive. My doc did notice that my testosterone was low (unfortunately I don't know how low off the top of my head, but I can reach out), so he recommended I take a big fat vitamin D pill every Friday for a month. He did conclude later that it was low because my test was in the mid morning, not first thing in the morning.\n\n\n**Anxiety and weight loss**\n\nI started having a harder and harder time getting erect, or finding interest in sex. It scared me. I\u2019m 30. This shouldn\u2019t happen. A few times in the beginning I was able to initiate sex with my BF, but then my erection just faded away. This also happened when I eventually tried Viagra and Cialis. I would get emotional, I would feel like crying. I would cry. **It has been the most frustrating thing I\u2019ve ever dealt with in my entire life.** I went to my GP in July who said there was no way this was an actual problem for a guy my age, and recommended \u2018tequila\u2019. \n\nAround the same time I started losing weight. I dropped from around 195 lbs to 183 over the course of about a month. I felt it was due to anxiety and stress over my inability to get hard or have sex with my boyfriend. It was at this point that I could tell my GP was a bit worried so he had me go have an ultrasound of my organs and testicles. Everything came back \u2018unremarkable\u2019 (which is a good thing!). \n\n\n**Therapist** \n\nAround this time (October) I started seeing a sex therapist, hoping maybe he could help shed some light on the issues I was having and hopefully help me figure everything out. He\u2019s a great, sympathetic guy, but so far nothing concrete has come from our sessions. We have very recently discussed the possibility of **Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)**. This scares me, but it is the most logical explanation I\u2019ve been able to find so far.\n\n\n**Lexapro**\n\nSure that my previously mentioned weight loss was due to anxiety over my situation, my GP recommended I try the Lexapro antidepressant because (bonus) it had potential priapism side effects. It sounds ridiculous I know but I was willing to try anything. After about a week on the Lexapro I got super depressed and even had suicidal thoughts (which I had NEVER had before), so I quit cold turkey and started feeling better almost immediately. \n\n\n**Urologists**\n\nConvinced that there was something physically wrong I went to a urologist in October. He performed a blood test and a week later said my testosterone was fine (low end of normal. 450?) and recommended Viagra or Cialis. I tried Viagra, and I tried daily cialis. I was able to achieve an erection sometimes, generally when I was alone, and never with my boyfriend for more than a few minutes. I spoke to another Urologist for a second opinion in December, who took one look at me and recommended Cialis. The Cialis and Viagra cost me ~1000 for 3 months of failure. The Viagra pills are about $45 each!\n\n**Note:** I get the feeling that neither of them took me seriously. I do also understand that there doesn\u2019t appear to be anything physically wrong with my penis (specifically) because I do get the occasional erection, and do get them more often (though incredibly infrequent) when taking the dick pills. \n\n\n**Endocrinologist**\n\nI have an upcoming appointment with an endocrinologist. I started writing this report for her, to give as much information as possible. I\u2019m hoping that maybe something I\u2019ve written will make sense and help diagnose some issue that can hopefully get treated!!\n\n\n**Other random information**\n\nPrednisone \n- I had an odd allergic reaction in my throat and on my skin in August 2016. I had a rash up the side of my body and had an itchy throat / had difficulty swallowing. I went to urgent care who checked for strep, and then decided it was an allergic reaction. They diagnosed Benadryl and Prednisone, which I took for a few days until the symptoms went away.\n\nScabies\n-\tAround the time that all of this started happening, or at least when I started noticing something wasn\u2019t right I had some red spots on the head of my penis, as well as some itching. When they didn\u2019t go away I went to my GP who diagnosed them as HSV2, and prescribed valtrex. I took the valtrex for a week before seeing a dermatologist who said they were in fact scabies sores. I ended up putting on the cream, and everything went away. I did have similar symptoms about a month ago, with a spot in the same area. The second time the dermatologist just gave me a pill. Everything went away until about a week ago when there was an itchy red spot on my penis again, which has since disappeared.\n\n\n\n\n\nedits - formatting", "answer": "Escitalopram to cause priapism? That's fucking insane. Surprised it made you suffer suicidal thoughts, but sorry to hear that.\n\nWhat's your energy levels like? Still getting pleasure out of your typical hobbies/interests?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vdlne", "comment_id": "5vdlne"}, {"question": "Sertraline and Surgery, any risks?", "description": "I have a surgery planned for hemorrhoid. I'm taking 150mg of sertraline for over 3 months and it's working fine. Now I read all over internet that going into surgery while taking sertraline can cause increase risk of bleeding and complications with anesthesia and pain medications leading up to serotonin syndrome.\n\nI talked with my neurologist and he says it's fine to take the med and opt for surgery. He told me I can even take it 4hrs before surgery and that the risk of not taking is more problematic.\n\nWhat to do?", "answer": "It's generally fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6e66nd", "comment_id": "6e66nd"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "4m0y0b"}, {"question": "I (23m) don't know how to get through to my girlfriend (21f) about sex related issues.", "description": "So for about a year (we've been dating for three) our sex life has plummeted.\nWe all of a sudden went from having sex three days a week at least (while working fulltime) often multiple times a day, to having sex at most twice a month,\n with me maybe receiving unenthusiastic handjobs or blowjobs once a week.\n\nNot being a person to be easily defeated I tried lots of things to change this state of affairs:\n\n-made sure to take her out to date nights as often as possible\n-made sure to cuddle her every night\n-lost 20 pounds within a few months\n-grew a beard\n-shaved a beard\n-let her dictate my hairstyle \n-let her quit the pill (she thought it was giving her pimples, so I figured it might have something to do with her confidence)\n-tried to communicate the issue\n\nBut all those things don't seem to work out. \nToday I again tried to spell it out to her.\nWe both are off work for two days, so this morning (we still had around two hours before we were gonna meet up with friends) I tried to initiate sex, which I don't do very much at all at this point, since most of the time it ends in rejection for me.\n\nSo it might not come as a surprise that once more I got a \"later\" because she \"needed to get ready\".\nNow \"later\" as it so often does turned into \"latest\", meaning that later that night we had been home for several hours and by 1am she still had not shown any sign of wishing to conduct in sexual activity.\n\nSo I confronted her about my needs always being of the least priority to her, as we only have sex when she literally has nothing else to do anymore, which means that it's always before sleeping, when I myself am tired.\nYaddi yaddi ya, in the end she \"apologised\" and then instantly made me feel bad about getting mad over \"such things\" and not saying \"I love you\" enough.\n\nSo I've been thinking, if trying to change myself or the way I treat her and talking it out with her, should I maybe start...withdrawing my services too?\nLike you know, not playing taxi for her anymore, not going to dates with her anymore and such.\nOn the one hand I think that might just ruin our relationship but on the other hand I just don't know what to do anymore?\n\nTl,dr: I can't get through to my girlfriend in a positive manner (e.g. presents, getting fit) so now I'm considering trying to basically \"punish\" her for not heeding my wishes.\n", "answer": "couple therapy will help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wnsri", "comment_id": "6wnsri"}, {"question": "Would it be ethical to have an academic dual relationship with therapist?", "description": "I currently have a therapist who supervises students and also does research and presentations in a field I\u2019m interested in going to for graduate studies. I was wondering if it would be ethical for them to be in a supervisor/mentor/co-supervisor role if they\u2019ve been my therapist since I was a teen, maybe if I stop seeing them as a therapist? Thanks.", "answer": "The easy answer is no. The complicated answer is generally when in graduate school there are all sorts of dual relationships that may be considered unethical. \n\nIn my experience, however, is that in situations like this the potential student has never been admitted or accepted by the therapist (potential academic advisor).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cnf159", "comment_id": "cnf159"}, {"question": "Seasonal depression is a thing, right?", "description": "(I'm 17) Every single winter, at the beginning of December, I just feel like falling onto the floor and crying. I don't feel like I can tell anyone. And while I'm not suicidal, I'm most certainly not doing well, and I feel completely alone on this. What I want to know is, does this happen to other people? Am I alone on this? And are there any easy ways to pull myself out of it without throwing away who I am in the process? I will take literaly any advice you can give me. I'm stuck in a hole and it happens every Winter.", "answer": "I would suggest looking up Seasonal Affective Disorder. It\u2019s very common and treatable.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e694zb", "comment_id": "e694zb"}, {"question": "I'm humiliated...I'm gaining a fear of needles and I'm med student. How to overcome efficiently?", "description": "Suffice to say I'm a med student and suddenly I've been having bad reactions to needles(watching medical documentaries etc. that interest me and don't faze me unless we're verging on exploitation) recently. My wrists go weak and my pulse races, my ankles feel weak as well. I won't say I did well with needles as a child or enjoyed watching them puncture and be punctured but the reaction was less severe. I _think_ it's occasionally seeing nurses, doctors etc. shift the needle in the skin that does it the worst, to pull it out or doing repeated punctures being unable to find the vein.\n\nIt appears to be living creatures only, since seeing the dead get punctured or working with needles as I do often does not alter me. My assumption is exposure and practice is the only way forward, but I'd like to ask those around me. I'm...quite shy and may not reply to this, I'm just seeking others experiences.\n\n[Age, sex, location etc. not relevant and omitted. Apologizes if this is unconventional and not allowed]", "answer": "Consider donating blood regularly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "go6arh", "comment_id": "go6arh"}, {"question": "[22/m]Advice on living with SO [23/f] with multiple psychological conditions", "description": "Using an old throwaway since a friend knows my normal account. \nI've been going out with my SO for over two years now. Known her for three. We had a great \"honeymoon period\" at the start (Asian country. Still virgins. But we get physical) but after around six months we started to have a lot of issues. \n\nShe has previously been diagnosed with OCD after her dad left the family when she was little and had some episodes even while in college. Started with some jealousy issues and moved on to her thinking that I'm unfaithful. \n\nShe gets intense mood swings and is very possessive over me. She also has many jealousy issues and low self esteem. She is more introverted and serious while I'm more outgoing and vocal in peer groups. We also have very little social group overlap.\n\nOne major issue I see in her identity is that she's a confident girl who loves dressing up and wants to change the world but she's brainwashed my her mom to think that girls can't be loud and can't wear dresses. That only your husband should see you beautifully. Pretty much your average south Asian religiously blind bullshit. So she's constantly in a conflict with what she wants to be and what she's been taught was right for 23 years.\n\nProblems escalated to such an extent that we had to visit and psychologist and psychiatrist in parallel and yesterday the psychologist told me that she has\n\n1. Bipolar disorder\n\n2. Borderline Personality Disorder \n\n3. Morbid Jealousy\n\nshe (psychologist) also told me that meds don't seem to be working and the only way to keep it in check is for me to have a lifestyle change. That I have to try to distance myself from my female friends and keep worklife thoroughly separated from family. \n\nI just wanted to know if there were anyone with similar circumstances and how you worked things out. \nDo you think that getting her away from her mom would help. (This is at least 2 years till we get married)\nHow do you manage mood swings. I'm a bit worried that I'm getting desensitized to her mood swings and moving onto a very un-empathic person. \n\nAlso I think I just needed someone to put this off my chest as well \n\nEdit : bullet points for clarity ", "answer": "It's a big challenge for sure. We're all a package deal in some way. Any stress will exacerbate her conditions. Like her Mother. Make sure she has a GREAT therapist and med doctor.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68nm5u", "comment_id": "68nm5u"}, {"question": "Just because you have a long sobriety spree doesnt mean you can smoke again and control it.", "description": "My warning. \n\nIm a 23 year old guy from Canada. I first tried the devils lettuce when i was just 13 years old. From than on out i had always had an unhealthy relationship with weed. It took over my life for 7.5 years untill i finally had enough and quit. July 1st wouldve been my 3 year sobriety, but i relapsed back in december. After 2.5 years of sobriety \n\nFor 2 and a half years i was clean! 2 and a half years! And than this Christmas i thought hey you know what? I can have a little puff, why not? and i tried it. Nope. I tried to justify it in my mind like oh \"now ive got my career started ive finished school ive basically cured my depression and anxiety i wont use weed as a crutch this time around because now im in control of my life.\" \n\nI had one bong rip. One. And 2 days later i bought a half ounce of kush a bong and a grinder. 2 months after that i was already onto extracts. I started with \"only smoking on the weekends\" (ya okay hemphead) and at its peak i was dabbing 3-4 times a day. Every. Day. \n\nGuess what? My anxietys back my depression is DEFFENITLY back and now my irritable bowel syndrome is back as well. \n\nWhy?\n\nWhy'd i throw it all away? \n\nBecause thats addiction. My brain was still against me. It still after all this time manipulated me into thinking i was okay to smoke. \n\nIm not. \n\nAnd i never will be.\n\nRound two begins now and i know it wont be hard this time because now i know the truth. Im just one of those people that cant smoke weed. \n\nJuly 5th 2018 was the last time i got stoned.", "answer": "I stopped smoking weed when I was 23 and after a few months off it I realized that it made me lazy and stupid, so much so I couldn\u2019t appreciate how stupid it made me. I\u2019m not saying everybody reacts to it the way I do, Carl Sagan smoked pot and so do many smart people, I guess I don\u2019t have enough excess brain power that I can afford to give up any.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8woubk", "comment_id": "8woubk"}, {"question": "How to deal with a fixated person frequenting my venue?", "description": "Good evening, Reddit! Casual lurker coming out of the shadows for this one.\n\nI recently started to manage a venue that has a ready-made community, and my boss is someone well-known within the community, as is the person who is fixated on her.\n\nThis person is known for being unpredictable. Clearly she is not well. She is not only grieving a major loss, but seems to be experiencing many symptoms of dementia. She does not know my boss personally, but has barraged her with messages on Facebook, emails, and, now that she has found the phone number, phone calls.\n\nShe attempted to enter a sold-out event without a ticket, thinking she had purchased one (though she had not), and became so frustrated, she assaulted our security guards. We ultimately called the police, who took her to the hospital.\n\nThe following week, she did purchase a ticket, and returned, and I informed her she was no longer welcome after the previous week's events. She was more docile, apologetic, not in touch with reality and clearly set on the outcome that she get to talk to my boss. I listened to her empathetically for 30 minutes (our plan had been to call the police if she returned, but I made the call that this would not be necessary that night), accepted her apology, but stood firm: she could not come in and that was not going to change.\n\nShe has continued to harass my employer digitally. These are clearly the warning signs of a \"fixated person\" and I get the feeling we're not giving her enough credit for the damage she could do: to herself, to my employer, to our guests and to our business. My boss is hesitant to start the process for filing a restraining order, and I can't stand outside with her, blocking the door, whenever she makes an appearance. \n\nI am unsure what the next steps we should take to resolve this problem. Is it possible to mitigate what I think is a very real threat, here, using some ninja conversational techniques and boundary-setting rather than calling the authorities? Can anyone refer me to some good literature on addressing this sort of thing?\n\nLove,\n\nB", "answer": "How old is this 'fixated' person? I ask largely because you mentioned dementia.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado5e8", "comment_id": "ado5e8"}, {"question": "He went through my mailbox ...and said we've wasted 3 years of our lives ... How do I believe he loves me?", "description": "I live with my fianc\u00e9. But, I also have an apartment for work out of town. I have had it for about 6 months. He stays there always with me \u2014 we are never split up for these travels.\n\nHowever, I\u2019m getting upset with some of his accusations.\n\nSometimes, he will drive into town after I\u2019m already in meetings. We ALREADY share our locations off of the iPhone. But, I don\u2019t ever really check it. HE checks it religiously on me.\n\nA few times recently, I\u2019ve said\u2026.how close are you? Are you running on time? Typical questions.\n\nLast night he said why do you ask me how close I am to you when traveling into town? I said, just because I wonder for traffic/dinner \u2014 where I should meet you? Why?\n\nHe said I think you are up to no good and you are scared i\u2019m spying on you. And you want to know what I\u2019m learning\u2026\n\nThen in a separate conversation about money he told me that he didn\u2019t think I pay my bills well. I said WHAT?! He said that he needs to handle them because I\u2019ve had late bills. This is NOT true. I got mad! He said well how about that mailbox at your apartment? \n\nHe said it was stacked full of bills. I said WHAT MAILBOX? My mail goes to the house I share with him!\n\nHe said that he went and got the master key to the apartment and saw there was a mailbox and he went through it and the cable bills were in there. I said first off, I didn\u2019t even KNOW i had a mailbox because it\u2019s a company apartment AND I have never been given a key and ALL my mail goes to the house.\n\nHe said \u201cuh huh\u2026uh huh\u2026\u201d You knew ALL along and God knows what goes to that mailbox.\n\nThe truth is \u2014 I had NO idea there was even a mailbox! i never register or send mail to that place. I LIVE with him! My mail goes to the house!\n\nThis all really upset me. And then this argument got worse. We have been arguing a lot. And he said you know \u201cI don\u2019t need this in my life\u201d I said WHAT? He said the arguing and this drama. I don\u2019t NEED THIS IN MY LIFE! I Need PEACE in my life. Can you change your ways? \n\nI said can you be nice? He said he IS nice and that none of what he says is out of bounds. And he is not going to change.\n\nHe said he\u2019s brutally honest in telling me we\u2019ve wasted the last 3 years of our lives in this cycle. He later said that he meant that about fighting\u2026.but, I am very hurt.\n\nHe says he loves me. Will never leave me\u2026when he calms down. But, those words\u2026accusations\u2026.really, really hurt.\n\nWould you say any of this is normal fighting? ", "answer": "you need couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wrn7y", "comment_id": "6wrn7y"}, {"question": "To those who make memes about doing wacky things due to staying inside during the pandemic for mere days", "description": "You merely adopted the isolation. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the outdoors until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!", "answer": "Bane?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fmqa3k", "comment_id": "fmqa3k"}, {"question": "Trans friend is coming out and coming to me for advice? I have no clue?", "description": "Okay so. I'm a 16 y/o trans guy, I've been out for 2/3 years and most of my friend group only know me by my chosen name. I stealth a lot and I came out after four months to them, much to their surprise.\n\nA bit after that, a close friend of mine wanted to come out as a trans girl. I tried to help the best I could but I think I made it appear too scary for her since she quickly claimed it was just a phase two weeks later. I'm not sure if I influenced that or not but it definitely made me feel guilty.\n\nThen a couple of months later, she comes back and says she wants to try again. I implored her to take it slow and steady since she doesn't want to scare herself again. My Mami and family are very accepting so she comes over to my house to use her chosen name and dress feminine.\nMy problem is that she comes to me with questions I don't know the answer to. Being a trans girl is different from being a trans guy and I want to help her the best I can, helping her with coming out, name changes, appearances and even giving her clothes! But she comes with me about questions I don't know the answer too and I feel terrible when I tell her I don't know. I try to direct her to the right areas for help but she's... Not using them and still coming to me. \n\nIt's also slightly dysphoric for me to talk about this to her, I'm not sure why but I've been feeling heavy sickness whenever we talk about feminine stuff. I'm not usually dysphoric all that much nowadays but it's definitely something. However, I don't want to taint her transition with my influence again but I've been keeping quiet. I wanna be a support system for her but I don't want to scare her away again. \nI'm not sure if this is the right reddit for this but I needed it off my chest, because I don't know if I can tell her this. I don't wanna be an asshole or anything to her.", "answer": "It's good that she trusts you during this difficult time in her life, I think that says a lot about you. However it is important for you set boundaries, especially when the conversation gets too uncomfortable. Specifically about feminine topics, I would direct her to a girl friend or a supportive group on the internet. Even if she keeps coming back to you it's important that you continue to make your boundaries clear, state that you're not comfortable talking about that, and eventually she should get the idea and go elsewhere with those topics.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "henugg", "comment_id": "henugg"}, {"question": "[27/m] in a normal marriage?", "description": "Trying to figure out if this is normal behavior. My first thought is no. I'm going to keep this short.\n\nMarried for 4 years. \n\nI'm a guy and compared to women, I forget things or don't do things \"correctly\". I also don't have certain things at the top of my priority list as women do. So, inevitably due to this husbands and wives get into arguments, and I understand arguments happen. I would like to know how a normal argument happens.\n\nIn my situation, my wife will get so irate she curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nI'm not a yeller, so most of the time I sit there and shut down because I'm pissed about the disrespect that is taking place.\n\nQuestion 1: (a)How often do you get into major(yelling/cursing/name calling) fights? (b) Do you both yell, or just one side?\n\nQuestion 2: When your wife gets upset over something, ei: not meeting her emotional needs or being on the same page, is it normal for her to berate you with names/cursing/yelling?\n\nQuestion 3: Has your wife ever hit you? or hit you with something?", "answer": "curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nall are emotional abuse and should never happen. go to counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u5lip", "comment_id": "6u5lip"}, {"question": "Dissociation is fucking terrifying and I hate it.", "description": "As a sub question: do y'all find that substances cause/aggravate dissociation? I took some Adderall last Friday and was up until 5 am then woke up at 2 and took some more. After coming down, the last couple days have been really awful. It was stupid of me to take it, I know, and I was trying to use it to get some stuff done (as its helped me in the past but I am not prescribed it) but it absolutely backfired and now my anxiety is through the roof. \n\nDissociation is the most frightening thing to me. I feel like I'm trapped in my mind and I can barely function because everything seems surreal and like I'm just going through the motions. I feel numb, sort of, but my anxiety goes through the roof and I start to panic. I've heard others say that they like the numbness but I hate it hate it hate it. I feel depressed and isolated and scared. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one ", "answer": "One thing I've learned that I'm not sure if it's just me or others, but stimulants DO NOT Work for me. They make me feel crazy and intense and anxious, so perhaps that was it. I only smoke weed now, which has been amazing at calming my intrusive thoughts", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3mt1x8", "comment_id": "3mt1x8"}, {"question": "I really realized yesterday that my brain so often is the cause of my problems. My boyfriend said I felt warm, and I spent the whole night convinced I was sick.", "description": "So, I felt fine. I was totally normal and having a normal night.\n\n\nBut my boyfriend touched my arm and immediately said \"Woah you feel hot\". I convinced myself after that, it must be a fever. That led to convincing myself I was sick but didn't feel like it yet.\n\n\nAll that led to me not even sleeping because I was too scared. I ended up feeling n* and thinking my stomach was hurting too. Which maybe it was, but it was all my fault. \n\n\nI feel dumb but it did make me realize it often is actually *all in my head* which in a way helps.", "answer": "I absolutely experience this too! Like his hands could have just been cold or something, and then it triggers a bunch of \"symptoms\" that are just brought on by unnecessary anxiety!!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "6x5j5k", "comment_id": "6x5j5k"}, {"question": "Can't check in today. I feel miserable and want to drink.", "description": "I can't bring myself to comment on the check-in thread because I can't say for definite that I won't drink today.\n\nI have every reason not to drink; I'm only 4 hours away from my 2 week badge, I'm not supposed to drink with my meds etc. etc. but I feel, more than anything, that I just want to say f*ck it all. \n\nI keep reading all these inspirational comments and articles about how everyone feels SO much better 2 weeks in and their sleep is great, they feel happier, they've lost weight and their skin looks great. I've had none of that. I thought week 1 was a walk in the park, I didn't miss alcohol, I had no withdrawal symptoms and I was full of optimism. This week I've felt stressed, irritable, useless, and miserable.\n\nHow can I feel so bad after doing something so supposedly great?", "answer": "It took two months for me to get 30 days. When you wake up tomorrow try not to beat yourself up too much--that will lead right back to your next drink. \n\nSometimes in early sobriety (or even much later) we need to do more research before we know for sure if we really want this. It takes what it takes. \n\nWhen you decide you really want this and you have another day like this, don't worry about 24 hours. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. When you feel this way, just find something, anything you can do to distract yourself--just for the next few minutes. Don't worry about what comes next until it comes. \n\nThe first few weeks are the absolute worst. But you can do it. Hugs. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "70x9ry", "comment_id": "70x9ry"}, {"question": "40M - Water smells terrible", "description": "40 M, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.\n\nI have this thing where water smells terrible. Tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. But usually when I\u2019m drinking it. There doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. I could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. I come back to it and it has that smell. Or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. I\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and I\u2019m a weirdo. The smell is like dead fish in a lake. Kinda swampy. That\u2019s the best I can describe it. It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\n\nIs this normal? A neurological symptom? Am I having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "This is not really a physician comment, but I have the same experience. I\u2019ve done some digging and the best I can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. Or due to contaminants in water. It\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.\n\nI don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "cxjkvu"}, {"question": "How do I open up to a therapist?", "description": "Hey, so I\u2019ve (24F) dealt with emotional and physical abuse for as long as I can remember. I\u2019ve repressed everything for so long and finally have been addressing my issues this year.\nThe problem is, is that I don\u2019t trust people. I compulsively lie and hide what I am truly feeling often. I\u2019m seeing a therapist properly for the first time next week but, I know myself well enough to know that I will \u2018mask\u2019 myself as a happy person in front of them. Also I don\u2019t want to pretend to be sad to get them to take me seriously. I want to be genuine but I don\u2019t know how to act. How do I start off a conversation with a therapist on my abuse? How do I tell a stranger my issues when I couldn\u2019t tell my own friends my true life for years? I don\u2019t feel like I look or act like someone that has been \u2018abused\u2019, I don\u2019t think my therapist will believe me as everyone I\u2019ve encountered think I\u2019ve lived a normal happy life. So how do I open up to a stranger about what is going through my mind?\n\nEdit: thank you from the bottom of my heart everyone. been going to therapy since this post, the most recent session has made me feel so much clarity and I\u2019ve been opening up on the many bad and good memories in childhood (even though i had a bit of a dramatic outburst in the first session ha). thank you for the help!", "answer": "Wow, that sounds so intense. I'm sorry that happened (is happening?) to you.\n\nI guess for some people it helps to know that what you say in therapy can't be told to others (except under certain specific circumstances) and so maybe in that way it's easier then talking with friends and worrying about how that information gets around. I think also that someone who is going to only ever have your perspective on things, and basically just be on your side, can feel different too, in some ways.\n\nAny therapist worth any amount of money should be all about validating your experience as well, so hopefully you will find them to accept that things are the way you say they are.", "topic": "survivorsofabuse", "post_id": "d96uxa", "comment_id": "d96uxa"}, {"question": "33 years", "description": "Today marks 34 years without a drink for this alcoholic. I forgot. \n", "answer": "Hang in there it gets better.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6elw81", "comment_id": "6elw81"}, {"question": "How do you guys rejuvenate after class or work so you can keep working on things in the later half of the day?", "description": "Hi,\n\nI've noticed that I struggle a lot with getting work done after class. I often feel tired after my school day / work day, from whatever I had to focus on during it. I get a 10-30 minute walk or drive home afterwards where my mind can just wander for a while, but then once I get home I just kind of feel a wave of exhaustion and procrastination hit me. \n\nI figure taking some kind of break to feel more rested is reasonable, which usually means playing a video game, watching a show, or browsing the internet for a while, but it can snowball pretty easily into doing that for the rest of the day and not getting any homework or personal projects or errands done.\n\nI can inconsistently put my foot down and start working sometimes, but in general I feel like I'm pretty stuck in this habit where I'm tired after work, get home, goof off for a while, work for a little bit, hit a rough spot, get distracted for way too long, get back to work pretty late, then maybe finish 1 of 4 things I probably should have taken care of by the end of the day.\nResting in itself feels like an activity I have to push myself to do followed by pushing myself through the rest of my work or some projects.\n\n**TLDR**\n\nOverall, I guess what I'm asking is how do you rejuvenate yourself between your midday and evening work to keep going during the evening? Do you have something you do that leaves you refreshed enough to keep working on some things into the evening?\n\nAlso, if you do manage to get work in like this often, i.e. you go to work/school for the day, then also have some kind of effortful hobby you do in the evening as well, do you come up with plans or schedules to stick to get through this? If so, what do you do if the time comes and you feel too tired to actually commit? When I take breaks from attempts to form working habits, they fall apart and I forget for a few days or for good that I'm trying to put effort into my evenings to get better grades or finish some personal work.\n\n", "answer": "So there are a few vitamins you can take that will help make the effects last longer (but I am currently evacuated from home bc of Irma so message me if you're interested). \n\nHonestly I have a second script for adderall Ir ontop of my 40mg Vyvanse because of this issue. If you're responsible about your meds there's no reason not to ask the doctor if that's an option.\n\nRelax wise? I have to make sure I don't do anything I could get sucked into. If I need a break, I take a bath, turn on comedy radio and keep my eyes closed for awhile. If I were to do something \"fun\" I'd never switch to getting work done. \n\nGood luck! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6zpfl8", "comment_id": "6zpfl8"}, {"question": "Diet pills and laxatives ?", "description": "Is it okay to take both laxatives and diet pills? If not had anyone taken diet pills? If so, how have they affected you. Did they suppress your appetite, or make you sick? Just asking what people\u2019s experiences have been with diet pills", "answer": "Diet pills make me shaky and laxatives dehydrate.\nI would only take them if a doctor advises it. \n\nWhat I do personally is take my doctor-prescribed medication for appetite control and take Metamucil OTC.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "htz7f2", "comment_id": "htz7f2"}, {"question": "How do I get rid of anxiety from Adderall?", "description": "I've been taking in Adderall for a few months now..ever since the pandemic..and I've noticed that my anxiety is skyrocketing of late.\n\nHow do I reduce my anxiety from Adderall?", "answer": "Take less or no adderall. Talk to your Dr and they can change the script. It sounds like you don't have a paradoxical effect from it and do you maybe shouldn't use it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "jnvd8l", "comment_id": "jnvd8l"}, {"question": "I feel like my friend is constantly putting me down. What should I do?", "description": "Well, I have this friend who's pretty much been my best friend ever since I was little kid. But in the last couple years he's been doing some things that really get on my nerves. When it's just us, he's usually a pretty cool guy, but when we're hanging out with other people sometimes he just throws me under the bus. Usually it's when we're playing some sort of game, and he's in a losing situation. Like for example, a little while ago I was playing golf with him and some friends. He wasn't doing too great, but nobody really cared or said anything. But he often pointed out any poor shots I made, calling them \"terrible.\" I thought that was pretty hurtful.\n\nAt the end, he kept going on and on about how he was at least equal or better than I was, and specifically, his putting was far superior to mine. I mean, even if that's true, I just don't understand why he'd feel the need to say that. It doesn't really matter to me who was doing well and who wasn't during a game like golf, and I'm not gonna insult anyone about it. But comments like those just seem really unnecessary, and felt like a real put-down. He constantly says stuff like that when he's losing in pretty much anything. Video games, sports, etc. It's like he just can't stand losing or being wrong. I know how this might make me sound, but really, I just want to have fun playing games with him. This doesn't usually happen when I hang out with any of my other friends.\n\nAnyway, sorry if that was a little rambly. I'm just not sure what to do. Should I confront him about it? Am I completely off base about this? I'm afraid if I say something, it'll just evolve into some big argument or something, and I know just I'll end up being the bad guy. Honestly, I could get past his supposed ego, if he just didn't insult me. I don't do it to him, so I don't see why he should do it to me. I mean, I guess it could just be ribbing, but I really don't know, and I'm sick of it. \n", "answer": "not a friend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ekv49", "comment_id": "6ekv49"}, {"question": "Belittled & Dismissed", "description": "Context: 17M, I've been diagnosed with severe social anxiety, depression, and more recently autism. (High functioning, mostly communication barriers) \n\nI've always dealt with suicidal ideation, tendencies, self harm and overthinking. Due to these factors I struggle a lot, but dont talk about it much. \n\nWhenever I tell my mom that I need immediate help by being admitted to a mental health ward she dismisses whatever I say. \n\nShe shuts me down and simply talks about things that she struggles with instead; reminding me that things are shitty for everyone and not just me. \n\nWhen I express my needs, or whatever is on my mind she just tells me that she relates to my problems, if I get defensive or irritable she tells me that I'm being a bratty teen and that if I want to be treated like an adult then I need to talk to her \"respectfully\". \n\nMind you its already taken so much time for me to get to the point of being able to physically talk to her rather than handing her a note or text. \n\nWe fought pretty bad recently, I told her that I'm tired of having to parent my parent (Having to be HER emotional support). She then wailed on me, basically saying, \"Excuse me you little fucking bitch? Are you really going to use that tone with me right now? You cant even begin to comprehend or understand what it's like having to parent your parent. Grow a fucking pair and get off your ass.\" She blocked the only exit to my room while yelling at the top of her lungs. \n\nI just don't know what to do, I'm tired of hyperventilating. I'm tired of always being suffocated by this cloud, tired of the stressors. \n\nIs that selfish?", "answer": "ASDs are, more often than not, diagnosed quite a few years before it appears you were diagnosed. May I ask if this has something to do with your mother's dismissive attitude/behavior towards you? ASD can be a difficult diagnosis for parents to wrap their heads around, particularly because their children are involved, so denial or avoidant behaviors aren't uncommon. \n\nI apologize in advance for anything I might say regarding your mom that may be perceived as offensive. Your mother sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Based on the few brief interactions you described, she really doesn't seem supportive or pleasant to be around. Despite all that, she is your mother, so she wins by default...in some areas. When it comes to your suicidal ideation/self-injurious behaviors/etc., your mother's lack of acknowledgement with how you're feeling, how she can help, what can she do to make things better, how can things change, etc. is upsetting/concerning. She comes across as more self-absorbed than is her relationship with you. It's really difficult trying to have a conversation with someone with the type of personality she portrays. Changing her behavior is more unlikely than likely, but she would have to want to change, which it doesn't sound like she would even consider to problematic. \n\nYou're almost 18, are you going away to school or is it possible for you to move out? Moving away from parents who act like your mom can actually play a role in salvaging a relationship with her, if you would like one. \n\nSimply asking whether you are being selfish is likely a reflection of the way your mother has conditioned you to feel. My answer to your question is ABSOLUTELY NOT. You are not being selfish. You are a child (legally), and your mother has a duty to take care of you. I don't care if you actually were being selfish, it still does not give anyone the right to treat you as if your feelings/experiences/emotions/etc do not matter. YOU MATTER.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elnr1v", "comment_id": "elnr1v"}, {"question": "Sleep paralysis while I'm awake?", "description": "Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I'm looking for insight/advice on a reoccuring health problem I'm having.\n\nAbout once a month, always when I'm tired, I'll start to lose visual focus, mental clarity, and its difficult or impossible to move. I also have auditory hallucinations, a strong sense that there's something/someone near me, and feel a large amount of terror.\n\nIt lasts a few minutes in total. It's reached the point where I know what's coming and I can prepare myself while it ramps up. There's a terrifying peak and then it ramps down fairly quickly. \n\nAccording to the internet, this sounds like sleep paralysis. Except I'm awake. Although like I said, it occurs when I'm tired, trying to sleep or in bed reading.\n\nHas anyone else had the same problem? Anything I can do? Is this some other issue I should be aware of?", "answer": "My only real guess is that you should get more sleep. But you ought to go to a doctor if you're worried about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "26lc37", "comment_id": "26lc37"}, {"question": "My fiance [25/M] is finally trying to work hard on his behavioral/addiction issues, but it's not sticking enough to stop hurting my trust/our lives and I'm losing hope.", "description": "Sorry, it's a book. I have to let this out and ask for help, and I don't really specifically know what advice I need, but I need whatever anyone here can tell me that I don't already know, which is apparently a lot.\n\nWe've been through a lot of shit. We went through a period of very, very involuntary and stressful homelessness together, which ended almost a year ago, and that has been more advantageous and educational than harmful overall. We've both quit interesting substances before, hardest of which for both was probably tobacco apart from him now being done with drinking, I can't speak for him but that appears to be harder. He quit last year after many idiotic decisions about it and me giving an ultimatum, and has only messed up on it a couple of times since then, recently drank after a fight and subsequently admitted it and the previous errors, is now going to AA. (Neither of us had ever liked the sound of it before, but he fell in with some really great people who aren't shoving God or no-accountability models up his ass, it's been great. Entirely his own idea thanks to someone he met, and I like it that way, I've *wanted* him to find something that was his own damn idea.) He originally started drinking and hiding it way back as a young teen, and has a long history of emotionally escaping from all criticism and using apathy as a defense mechanism against his emotionally abusive and controlling parents. (I'll clarify a little about them if anyone wants details for relevant reasons, but I'm not going to waste time justifying that summary of them, it's the truth and I'm stipulating it.) That kind of abuse, and alcoholism itself, are problems that I have no direct experience with or literacy in, and I have learned very rapidly that alcoholism especially is not in my range of things I understand or may ever truly understand, despite my knowledge of other addiction.\n\nWe've been together just over 3.5 years and fighting increasingly for the last 2, since a particular brief stint of proximity to his parents. That period of time seemed to really set him back on lots of emotional maturity I had observed him to have developed early in our relationship; in retrospect, I was seeing insecure arrogance as emotional independence. The fights increasingly became more about the fact that he never did a damn thing to change any of his behaviors after each fight, than they were about any given inconsiderate or thoughtless or unaware trigger that caused the fights themselves. *Then* the fights would escalate because of his behavior *in* the fights, starting with displaying extreme blatant apathy and a refusal to listen, respond, or absorb anything (I had to teach him to say \"okay\" or \"thank you\" when *other people* say things or answer his questions, let alone acknowledge being spoken to in conflict) and then deflection/denial/excuses followed by absolutely mindfuckingly irrational rewrites of narratives in order to try to justify whatever denial of accountability he just propped up. It's a survival thing or something, because he seriously snaps into a mode that we've figured out is to some degree dissociative, based on his total amnesia associated with in-fight events that occur when he's in that state. I've also started taking notes about how his posture and voice changes, and how his facial expressions are radically different and how his eyes do some certain weird behaviors early on when he's starting to become defensive and switch into this state which we call Asshole Mode. So we don't know what that is, but we're trying to identify signals and stop it early.\n\nWe're both very interested in actually being introspective and meta and working things through and comparing and contrasting our matrices about things and finding ways to work constructively together. He's motivated. He really seriously gives a damn. It's been hard for me to believe it sometimes what with his very behavior being absofuckinglutely contrary to it sometimes, but he does. But every single time he agrees to work on his behaviors and make changes, he continues to become complacent after a couple of weeks and goes back into the same cycles. He's gotten into skateboarding and it's double-edged because the exercise is helping him and having a hobby/new community of people is helping him, but then it turns into something he rationalizes obsessing over and making compulsive purchases about. He does that with *everything*. It doesn't matter how constructive something is supposed to be, he's either TOTALLY averse to things and noncompliant with them whether he agreed to it or not (like last year when he postponed seeking low-cost therapy for MONTHS before I MADE him do it) ... or he becomes OBSESSED and rationalizes everything around the theoretical \"Thing I'm Supposed to Do\" and does it to a detrimental extent and fucks up other responsibilities. It's like the part of him that knows when to stop, or start, *anything*, is completely absent. He always requires someone else to make him start things or stop things.\n\nI've had to crack down on every kind of boundary like I'm a fucking kindergarten teacher, because he doesn't actually retain conclusions that we arrive at or rules we agree on. It's like the part of his brain that actually attaches things to other things is broken. Even when, after much repetition and much anger and much reinforcement, he FINALLY retains a new habit or concept, he still 1. Usually relapses on it and completely forgets it every few months at most, and 2. Doesn't far transfer it to any other applied contexts except the exact specific situation in which it originally came up. \n\nSo, in short (ha):\n\n- although the *frequency* of this is improving and he's having good days more often than not, his natural default responses to criticisms involve fundamentally rude, deflective, apathetic behaviors, and this is consistent regardless of how corrections are presented or their level of importance; he can become argumentative to the point of total irrationality and self-contradiction, and at worst enter what appear to be dissociative states\n\n- these episodes where he behaves like this correlate highly with him having poor sleep, which despite all our best efforts at controlling variables, just seems to *happen* for a few nights sometimes leading up to these more-mood-swingy days; they also correlate with him experiencing a few days of interpreting neutral statements as though they're criticisms/accusations and legitimately hallucinating/falsely remembering accusations and criticisms that didn't occur\n\n- even in the good times when he's responding well and behaving constructively and conversing with active listening and true giveadamn, he generally doesn't actually act on what was agreed on, not before many many many many many dozens of repetitions and often ultimately a serious emotional conflict over the issue no matter how simple or practical it is -- and even once he starts good habits, sometimes weeks or months later they just stop again for no apparent reason and generally he doesn't remember the conversation where he agreed to them in the first place\n\n- when promises don't get kept or things don't get acted on, there is *invariably* an excuse and a reason why it was someone else's responsibility or there was a circumstantial justification, defaulting again to deflecting accountability; until the last two months or so of *really* hard work, there was literally never a single time when he responded to any concern, ever, with simple acknowledgment instead of defensiveness first without being intervened with and told that he had to make such an acknowledgment\n\n- this is all presenting in conjunction with impulsive and rash behavior, compulsive spending, poor judgment, lack of foresight, lack of ability to adhere to routine including diet and hydration, occasional strange unawareness of time, a really peculiar inability to read the emotional signals of other people (his facial mimicry is also oddly awful), a tendency to interrupt people a lot without realizing it, and probably other behaviors I'm forgetting to articulate\n\n- should note also that he has bad compulsive skin-picking that increases with his anxiety and mood swings, and also generalized anxiety disorder which used to result in more regular attacks but which has improved over the last few years, attacks also appeared to lessen in severity when they stopped routinely ending in vomiting after he had horrific gallstones removed. Another psychologically pertinent component especially with regard to trauma and dissociation is that he had a serious knee surgery at 2 years old and remembers it as a vividly stressful experience.\n\nLast year, when we essentially broke up overnight until a day of resolution including him quitting drinking, he had some serious epiphanies and started to move forward. Since then, we've covered a lot of ground. We've developed all kinds of tools about taking breaks and resolving things when conflicts *do* happen, and done a lot of work to try to *prevent* the seriously fucking inconsiderate original behaviors and the fucked up responses he has to even the most gently tense of conversations. *Most* of the time, we're okay. But still has serious mood swings that seem to come every few weeks and last around 2-4 days where he becomes particularly defensive and inconsiderate and just tends to have iteration after iteration of these episodes. This is coming along painfully, painfully slowly, but it's still interfering with our lives. Nine out of ten days we spend together lately, we're fighting about something, and it's virtually always something that's been hashed out before, usually literally dozens or more times. And as you might imagine, I've fucking started to lose it and become a much more emotionally overreactive person because I feel like I'm living in fucking Groundhog's Day, and I never know what I'm going to have to re-explain next as though he's never heard it before. This makes it really fucking hard to trust him or trust that we can be an effective team, about anything. I can't have a relationship where I'm in charge not only of planning and thinking about and delegating everything, but also required to be the personal handholder of the other person and point at each item on the list for them.\n\nI can't parent a child with brain damage. I'm not a fucking parent and I never signed up to be one, and I seriously can't live with someone who constantly regresses like this, not when the mental illness itself innately involves them failing to remember that it's their responsibility to DO SOMETHING about their fucking behaviors. I can't fucking handle being in a relationship with someone who can *appear* to learn something, *many times over*, and then fuck it up over and over and over and over again down the line. I'm trying to find useful examples to list but when I say it's *everything*, I seriously mean it's fucking EVERYTHING. \"The chores list is on the sticky note on the wall and every important project we need to handle is written down too, stop asking me every morning to plan your day when I get to work and have my own shit to do\" to \"It's your job to remember to refill the supplements on X and Y days\" to \"You have to be consistent with the dogs, not be too harsh about something and then confuse them by praising them to make up for it\" to \"You have to look up where you're going BEFORE you start driving because it's not okay to go out not knowing and then see a highway and let that be your reminder trigger to look up whether you need to get on it or not, I don't care if you pull over to do it, you're still increasing variables and practicing bad practice, take responsibility FIRST instead of waiting for the world to remind you of everything\" to \"It's your own fucking job to pick up your Fidget Cube or other tools and have them in your hands so that you stop obsessively picking at yourself, not my job to remind you to be proactive for the FIFTEENTH FUCKING TIME TODAY AND THIRD IN A ROW DURING THIS FUCKING FIVE MINUTES\". This is my life. I'm losing my fucking mind because I didn't fucking sign up to be a parent and he's making me be one. He doesn't mean to, and he hates it; he just outright fails to function in any way other than one which depends on me to fucking figure out everything. He does *tasks*, he's *helpful*, he's *useful*, he's just got absolutely no fucking independent drive whatsoever about anything other than a given obsessive subject/hobby of the moment. I don't want to micromanage him. There is just literally no other way to keep him from fucking off all day and being an entitled asshole. This slowly evolved here, and I have resisted it as hard as I knew how.\n\nIt seriously doesn't matter how dangerous a practice is or how big a deal it is or how simple it is, or how beneficial or appealing a habit change is. He. Does. Not. Retain. Anything. Or when he appears to, it fades way later anyway. The progress is too painstakingly slow, and it's jeopardizing my career because I have to spend 9/10ths of the time I'm home either fixing something, or explaining something to him for the fiftieth time, or sometimes spending time intervening with my own anxiety over the fact that I'm explaining something to him for the fiftieth fucking time, or (sometimes) diffusing Asshole Mode and forcing him out of the house on a walk if he snaps into that state that day and refuses to listen. I can't fucking get anything done when he's a demanding child in my face wanting to talk about something exciting every fifteen minutes, \"just real quick\" (= ten minutes of \"and and and and and\"), \"just this last one and then I'll leave you alone I promise\". No matter what he claims he'll take initiative and responsibility about, it always ends up coming down to being *my* job to *remind* him to do it. \"Oh, I thought I had *told* you I was going to do X the wrong way you said not to do it, so you could be responsible for catching me and telling me not to yet again this time\" -- the kind of shit he says when making yet another situational excuse. Is there something wrong with me here for finding these behaviors and syntaxes blatantly fucking unhealthy?\n\nWe come from very different philosophies and that's part of our impasse. He's always been very sheltered and controlled and taught that nothing is his fault and the world is out to fuck him, and I was raised to take complete total accountability for literally everything I ever bring on myself and that the world is totally apathetic toward me and can be amazing for me if I make it that way. Kinda really different. And I'm only three years older than he is, but I dropped out early and had been on my own more often than not for around 10 years when we got together, at which time he was still a full-time student (straight to campus from home) at a school that crushes souls in ways that extend beyond hard academics. I come to this with a lot of militant bias about how everyone is responsible for evaluating themselves and implementing their own systems to cognitively and behaviorally condition themselves into not sucking at life. Maybe I'm fucking weird, but I always thought everyone was responsible for that. He agrees with me logically, very much so now, but it's not a matrix he grew up with and it *seems* to *me* that that lack of accountability influences his behavior. By default, when not reminded to behave otherwise, his default is to go around in the world acting like it owes him something and should remind him about every obligation at every turn. I don't know if this is a product of the emotional abuse combined with the only predictability and security in life coming from video game manuals and course syllabi or what, but it's like he doesn't know how to make decisions without needing someone else to write instructions. I waxed armchair psychologist there and I hate it when people do that. But I just don't fucking comprehend his mindset.\n\nWhat the fuck do I do? I'm miserable. There has been some very painfully slow progress but every single fucking leap forward comes at the cost of me extending patient chance after patient chance and ultimately having him fuck up my life enough for me to become upset and blow up at him and threaten to kick him out, before he snaps out of the Asshole Mode of that day and starts to actually talk out whatever problem instead of gaslighting me about it. Only after our worst fights has he ever made any real strides, and then the momentum fizzles out, and I get upset, and I tell him I'm getting upset about the momentum fizzling and that he can't get complacent, and he tries a little bit, but then it just spreads the problem out more. This isn't okay. I can't keep tolerating this excruciatingly slow progress that relies entirely on me making a full-time job of being his personal coach. I love him and he very clearly loves me and is very clearly hurting and scared and I just want us to be okay and I want what's best for him, but he feels threatened by literally everything and has no idea how to love and respect himself, and so he can't demonstrate any respect for anyone else, especially apparently not me or my time because I'm his only family now and this is how his family behave, and it's ruining my fucking life and ruining our relationship. We've all but decided that we're going through the motions for now until we're financially independent enough for him to move out, unless something miraculous happens by then, because I seriously don't feel like I can trust him because every single fucking promise he ever makes to me ultimately proves to be a lie, no matter what he attempts to commit to. He just can't seem to fucking take initiative about ANYTHING, and I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE. But I don't want to give up, even though I feel like I have no choice and have already almost done it a million times over. What the fuck do I do?", "answer": "\"Codependent No More\" is a useful book. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694cch", "comment_id": "694cch"}, {"question": "Where does one seek professional help?", "description": "I've finally decided that I should really speak to someone about some long-standing feelings, but I don't actually know how to go about getting help. Who am I looking for, exactly?", "answer": "If you have insurance, you can go to their website, and they should have a list of approved providers in your area", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1f8rik", "comment_id": "1f8rik"}, {"question": "I am very turned off from Yugort. Convince me to eat it again.", "description": "Ever since watching a youtube video where someone put yogurt under a microscope and looked at the bacteria inside it, I became very disgusted with the thought of eating what looks like a bunch of worms.\n\nRationally, I know this is a \"good\" bacteria, and it is very healthy. I love the flavor of yogurt too. Most importantly, people draw cute anime waifus eating yogurt. In spite of all that, I can't seem to get over my revulsion. The thought of eating a cluster of worms that will continue to live in my body just nauseates me.\n\nAny advice? Thanks!", "answer": "Yugort. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6kr4gq", "comment_id": "6kr4gq"}, {"question": "Epicac over the counter", "description": "Yeah so how do I go about obtaining epicac to help throw up? I don\u2019t care if this isn\u2019t healthy or allowed but I\u2019ve looked on amazon and I can only find nausea relief. I eat to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and it\u2019s a vicious cycle of not being able to purge because my depression makes me too tired. I just want to know if I can get it at the pharmacy, I can\u2019t seem to find it", "answer": "At least in the US you\u2019re not going to be able to find it OTC. I don\u2019t think this sub allows for posting of substitutes because we are all trying to recover, not encourage disordered behavior.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f7pphi", "comment_id": "f7pphi"}, {"question": "Stuck", "description": "My BF (33M) and I (35F) have been together nearly 2 years. We\u2019re engaged (sort of) and live together. He has a history of doing things behind my back (ie sexting other girls pics of himself and requesting the same in return; emails and texts to ex, etc) which I forgave and we BOTH worked towards rebuilding our relatiobship and being honest and committed. \n However I\u2019ve noticed since the beginning of the year he\u2019s been extra withdrawn. At first he said it was a \u201chobby\u201d learning about various software programming and whatnot for a MacBook I bought him for Christmas. Then, he went from little to no convo to not talking to or spending time with me at all, and I can\u2019t help but shake the feeling there\u2019s more to it than \u201clearning about a hobby\u201d.\n We\u2019ve argued numerous times and he says being in the same room counts as \u201cquality time spent\u201d, yet he doesn\u2019t engage or interact UNLESS he\u2019s in the mood; or requires something of my existence. \n Also, his suspect behavior concerning other women has come back into play. He\u2019s secretive with passwords and has numerous cloud drives. He\u2019s began having private encrypted chats and texts with other/former flames and even invited a girl he has a past with into our bedroom (yet failed to tell me the extent of their relationship until SHE brought it to my attention). On top of it all he\u2019s moody; shouts at me all the time (even for asking questions or requesting we do something as a couple) uses profanity towards me regularly and is kind; talkative and patient with his friends and even other females. \n I love him but I daily feel disrespected and as if he could care less if I\u2019m in his life or not. I don\u2019t want a failed relationship however deep down (and I\u2019ve been patient and understanding) I feel I deserve better treatment than this or at least minimally kindness. Could anyone tell me if I\u2019m blowing it out of proportion or asking fat too much. ", "answer": "You are totally right in your feelings. You're putting up with way too much sh*t.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782fbm", "comment_id": "782fbm"}, {"question": "Aneurysm Question", "description": "ssions. Please include:\n\nAge - 22\nSex - M\nHeight - 5'9\nWeight - 130 \nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 2 months\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Ohio, right eye\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - None\nCurrent medications (if any) - None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example) /\n\nI was curious: If an unruptured aneurysm were causing eye pain, would it be constant, or could it be made worse by things like exercise or sodium intake? Would it cause a pressure type feeling before pain? Would it cause nausea?", "answer": "These are theoretical questions which are hard to answer in general. Are you worried you have a brain aneurysm? What are your complaints?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbfbk7", "comment_id": "bbfbk7"}, {"question": "How does a therapist leave out their biases/morals?", "description": "Let's say there's a husband that wants to leave his family and start over some where else\n\nThis would be emotional freedom for the husband but the same time be detrimental to the rest of his family\n\nHow does a therapist handle this kind of a situation?\n\nFrom what I've observed, the therapist should let the husband come to his own conclusion(leave, start over) but at the same time, the right thing/moral thing to do would be to also take the family into consideration.\n\nIs it appropriate for a therapist to then inject his/her moral biases into the situation(your family depends on you, imagine how much this would hurt them) etc ?", "answer": "We all have biases, and most of us try to leave them out . We do this in many ways. For me, I consult with other professionals I trust to tell me if it seems like I am biased. \n\n\nI think something else to consider is that just because something may SEEM like a moral issue on the surface, the underlying issue may be really different. \n\nIn the example you gave, you said:\n\n>This would be emotional freedom for the husband but the same time be detrimental to the rest of his family\n\nThis is black/white, either/or thinking. It is unlikely that a trained therapist would conceptualize the problem in this way .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h95te6", "comment_id": "h95te6"}, {"question": "Fooling myself", "description": "I would like to believe that i'm important enough that my subtle way of praying to a \"higher power\" is actually listened to or taken into the universe for some great good. But i'm not, and I feel like my efforts to believe in God are just fooling myself, and my ego convincing me that I'm important in the universe. I am the centre of my known universe, I only know it from my eyes. \n\nAnd if I don't believe in God, only because I simply can't live the lie that I know I am deep down, trying to psychologically play a mind trick with myself to make life less stressful by believing in a higher power and a righteous order, then I only consider myself dry. I've been debating on whether I am dry or sober. I'm dry, and I have no idea how to get sober. I have no balance. I hate myself because I know myself too well. \n\nSo i'm just going to give up thinking too much, stop talking at meetings, just listen and leg go of trying to live for an authentic God, and just live for really basic things like sleep, food, and minimal progress in my physical state. I'm done thinking my way into getting religion.", "answer": "I don't think you're dry at all. You clearly have the willingness that is evident in your attempt to come closer with a higher power of your own understanding. Now you're doing something I did myself which is trying to intellectualize and bring logic to a program which requires neither and it's complicating things. \n\nAt first in rehab I tried to explain to my counselor my higher power which I didn't actually believe in and she told me I was full of shit. She was right believe it or not. I didn't begin to come close to the higher power of my understand until 6 and 7. \n\nAs for prayer it can really be what you make of it. If you're praying because your HP should pay attention to you because you are the center of the world. You'll have different results than if you pray to be of service to the people in your life today. \n\nI think you've got a solid base right now and almost everyone in 12 step programs has periods of frustration like this and we can all attest that sticking through it in working the program has not only kept us sober, but bettered us as people. \n\nKeep it going evolve you've got today and that's what matters right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1itrnl", "comment_id": "1itrnl"}, {"question": "Planning to run away. What should I know", "description": "I plan to run away soon, in about 6-8 months time. I grew up in a broken home and have never had friends, i've been neglected and left to be alone for the 17 years ive been alive. I moved in with my grandparents to escape my father abuse and mothers neglect. Now my grandparents are pressuring me so much and I want to leave but the only other option is my parents again. they act as if everything is fine, they want me to be all happy like they are but they all seem to forget everything i went through. my earliest memory is getting pushed down the stairs for losing a book, i was beaten nearly daily for 9-10 years, i'm not exaggerating when i say i'm a broken person. loneliness is horrid but i've gotten used to it, i've attempted suicide before but even then, my parents didn't change.\n\nthese days, they're all wanting for me to be part of the family but any and all desire for family in me is gone. i don't love them, i want nothing to do with them and i have no problem saying that, i truly mean it. I cant stand my grandparents pressure and i don't want to go back to abuse. So i will run away in 6-8 months time. \n\nCurrently i work 25 hours a week at a wage of $9 an hour, i figure that by the time 8 months is up ill have around $5,000 (USD) if i save well (also taxes). I am 17 and a junior in high school, I currently use drugs but would gladly and easily leave them behind in order to save for this. I don't know exactly where i'm going to go, or what i'm going to do, but after years of thinking, ive decided that this is what i want. \n\nSo that being said, with $5,000, where should I, a healthy 17 year old male, go for refuge? I have no problem wandering, however i'd like to work, problem is that places might report me as a runaway, i also wouldn't have a bank account to be paid from as they would track the card so I would need a cash job which aren't that common. I have an ipod currently that i can use for communication to the internet, which cant be traced. no one knows the serial number or password. I would gladly invest in a better device if needed. \n\nI have nothing here, I am ready to runaway, i just need to plan, thank you all.", "answer": "Look into independent living programs through your county\u2019s child protective services. I\ufe0f live in Pennsylvania, and my county has programs for people aged 16-21 that are unable/unwilling to live at home anymore. They provide supervised housing (apartments with 24 hour staff present in an office), help you stay in school/get a job, and give you a stipend for food and living expenses. I\u2019m sure your area has something like this as well. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7ch30n", "comment_id": "7ch30n"}, {"question": "Suffering from Melancholic depression for 10 years; woke up today feeling \"eurphoic\".", "description": "I'm a 25 year old Male, with \"melancholic\" depression symptoms including:\n Anhedonia, No appetite (10 KG underweight), bad moods in the morning with lowered appetite, trouble waking, and falling a sleep, anxiety.\n\nI'm on Nortriptyline 25mg / day.\n\nToday I woke up absolutely euphoric, like I'm on some sort of opiate, I got out of be without struggling, ate breakfast without struggling, I feel calm and relaxed, my veins are enlarged like my blood pressure has gone up (it tends to be on the low side normally), I don't feel cold in my fingertips like I would normally in this weather, my skin is tingling, and when I masterbated the orgasm was way more intense.\n\nThis is not the first time it has happened, maybe 1-3 times a year never \"back to back\", this is the first time I've stopped to think, what is going on here, why such a swing in my body for no good reason, why is it so abrupt, and only on one day?\n\nThe only thing that has changed for me is I started eating eggs and spinach over the last few days.\n\nI've been looking around online to see if I could find anything that could describe the sensations, nothing really comes up, perhaps something related to oxytocin, or beta-endorphins?", "answer": "Hard to know for sure. Sometimes when people have been depressed for a long time, if their mood normalizes for a little bit, it can feel \u201ceuphoric\u201d just by comparison even though it\u2019s just normal mood. \n\nThe alternative would be sub threshold hypomanic symptoms (you\u2019d need a full seven days and other symptoms along with mood elevation). \n\nYou should discuss it with whoever is prescribing your nortriptyline. And if you stop sleeping or start noticing risky behaviour you should see a doctor right away. May be worth also asking the people in your life what these brief episodes look like from the outside - a doctor will also want to know if there is an objective behaviour change.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7yvwhf", "comment_id": "7yvwhf"}, {"question": "[23/f] Me questioning relationship with the person (27/m) I'm dating.", "description": "We've been dating for 10 months, broke up once (I initiated it, got back together after) because I was unhappy with things. At that point, we were arguing a fair bit over silly things. \n\nWe stopped arguing but everything else kinda stopped as well. In a week (at maximum), we talk about once on the phone, exchange a few texts (no more than 10?), and meet once or twice for a coffee or something. Sex occurs once a month... maybe. \n\nEvery bit of communication, I initiate.\n\nWe're both busy with out work and studies but does it get this bad? I went from feeling like I wanted more to just not wanting to hang out at all to... not knowing what to do. \n\nI don't know how to question this or bring this up without first drilling myself with questions; Am I being needy? Am I being demanding? Have we always been this way? Is it my fault? What is wrong with initiating everything? There's nothing wrong with initiating everything? Does he like me?... and it is driving me nuts.\n\nWhen we meet, things are amicable. We talk about our lives briefly, coffee, stuff, etc. I don't want to ruin things by bringing up something I'm unhappy with. \n\nIt's just weird for me that he doesn't sense anything; if he does feel that something's wrong, he pretends well. \n\nThere are times when I want to lash out, say or do things that I feel would hurt him because I feel hurt. I feel like a sensitive, angry teenager for being butthurt over something simple. I'm trying to keep myself busy but it still hurts and I keep coming back to feeling this way. \n\nIt's like I'm going through the motions; ups and downs. On some days, it feels OK, on other days, I just don't want this. \n\nHow do I live with this and make it feel OK? I don't know how to bring this up and I can't do it at the moment, because we're both really busy and I genuinely don't want to be the person that breaks things up again. \n\nI don't get what he sees in us dating; it's so boring and I've a better relationship/camaraderie/rapport with people I've met very recently than him. I think I want him to break up with me. \n\nIn all honesty, I feel ashamed more than anything for being this sensitive, needy, emotional, etc. The general advice is to usually leave but honestly, I just can't give enough fu**s to do it. \n\nI just need advice to get through this and feel sane again. \n\nTL;DR: Help me figure out a way to feel sane while amicably, sporadically dating a guy I'm not sure about. ", "answer": "It doesn't seem like you think things can change, so do you want to feel this way in 6 months? Hell, do you want to still feel this crappy a week from now? You both deserve passion. You know you need to break up with him, don't drag it out until he does it for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4lv3oc", "comment_id": "4lv3oc"}, {"question": "During conversations: what to do with your hands?", "description": "Hello there fellow Redditors! \n\nIn the last few months I have really improved my social skills in regard to talking and making conversations with people. That is something of with I'm quite proud since I wasn't that good at it. As you might know, words are only a part in the overall communication you send. On the other hand there is posture and this is something that I still struggle with from time to time.\n\nWhen in conversation, often I get the feeling that I don't know what to do with my hands. Most of the time they go into my pockets, behind my back or my right hand holds my left arm. This perhaps can come across as uncertainty to the person(s) that I talk to. \n\nI am curious what our hands are doing while in conversation. Tips are ofcourse also more then welcome!", "answer": "Do whatever makes you comfortable. I \"talk with my hands\" a lot. It's something that comes pretty naturally and I'm fairly unconscious of it most of the time because it's just habit. Just do whatever really feels natural, especially if it's a casual conversation. \n\n\nThe most important and simple piece of advice I can give is to not overthink it and just let things flow. Focus on the content of conversation and not what you look like or how you sound or any of your presentation. Being hyper-aware of your presentation will only cause a great deal of anxiety and apprehensiveness that will show through. \n\n\nIf you're overly concerned with specific habits in your body language in that they may be sending signals you don't intend then try your best be aware for a second, correct, then ignore it and go back to focusing on content. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ql32l", "comment_id": "8ql32l"}, {"question": "How to get more girls in my life?", "description": "Im in high school and because of how I was raised essentially my natural instinct is to not socialize with girls and block them out.\nIts just what I naturally fall back onto when in the presence of girls.\nHow can I get over this horrible tendency to not talk to any girls and actually start making friends with them?", "answer": "Try taking a social dance class/joining a social dance club. I'm talking about things like salsa, swing, ballroom, etc. In a social dance, you're paired with a female partner and it's natural to talk with them when you're dancing, so there's no awkwardness about starting a conversation. Plus, you get to learn how to touch girls in a way that is healthy and acceptable, and girls *really* like it when guys know how to dance :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "s3acb", "comment_id": "s3acb"}, {"question": "Happiness.", "description": "The whole point of me getting sober was to get well. I was miserable. I did not do it for my wife, my kids, or anything else. I was miserable and living a tortured existence. And I am happy now. Well most of the time. I still have to deal with life. There still are rotten people in the world, there still is work, I still have considerable debt and a lack of money. But I am learning how to process these things. I am learning how to deal with all these things in a healthy manner. And I am happier than I have ever been. I still have problems. But drinking and the misery I felt are not one.\n\nI believe that happiness is the whole point of recovering. There were times in my recovery when I was miserable. I was doing it all wrong. I was afraid to ask for help. I didn't want to reach out to other alcoholics. I wanted to be lazy and do things my way. My way and my hair brained ideas tend to not work. My brain is what got me into this situation in the first place.\n\nI have discovered that when I am miserable in sobriety I AM DOING IT WRONG. \n\nFor me, a once hopeless and miserable drunk, happiness is attainable. I have it most days. It's a wonderful gift. It's a side effect that, to be honest, I did not believe sobriety would give me.\n\nMy advice to newcomers is to reach out and ask for help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Find yourselves some sort of program and a sober network. Use it. Throw yourself at it with the reckless abandon that we used to use when throwing ourselves at alcohol. The results can be astonishing. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness have brought me a long way in a short time.\n\nPeace, love, and happiness are pretty cool.\n\nI love you guys.", "answer": "I tend to stay away from gauging my sobriety with and having the goal of happiness. I think my seeking of happiness has caused me a lot of trouble in the past and being out for my own happiness is the behavior I've sought change from. I try to gauge where I'm at based on how I'm affecting the people in my life. however I am generally a fairly happy person when I'm positively affecting the people I care for.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i2vfa", "comment_id": "1i2vfa"}, {"question": "Is getting out of your comfort zone just enough?", "description": "So last night instead of watching the super bowl last night in my room alone I went to a lounge with around 20 people inside and watched it there. I was sitting alone for most of it since most people there either came together or just knew each other. As a introvert did I do anything wrong? Isn\u2019t the point of stepping out of your comfort zone to eventually meet new people?", "answer": "Nothing wrong. That's a great first step. Do it until it no longer feels challenging. Then do the next thing up, start having conversations with the staff or someone you may have seen there regularly while going before. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "an4d54", "comment_id": "an4d54"}, {"question": "Has anyone taken Fluconazole before?", "description": "My doctor recently prescribed me with fluconazole for a yeast infection. It's a one time dose but I've never taken it before. She knows I'm emetophobic and said she's never had anyone complain of getting sick before but I looked it up and it said nausea and upset stomach are a common side effect. Does anyone have any experience with this?? Thanks!!!", "answer": "I took it and was fine!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bes1l1", "comment_id": "bes1l1"}, {"question": "My relationship doesn\u2019t feel special anymore. What should I do?", "description": "I\u2019ve been married for over 70 years. We\u2019ve had our ups and downs but over the last few years we\u2019ve sort of drifted apart. He\u2019d started seeing other people, and to be honest I was quite okay with the quiet life.\nLast week my partner announced to the world (on twitter, of all places) that he wanted to meet me. He\u2019s acting pretty strangely and whilst he calls our relationship \u2018very special\u2019 in public, I can\u2019t help but feel pretty intimidated in private. I think he might be using me and wants to bully me into doing things.\nAnd to make matters worse he\u2019s started abusing our friends - he\u2019s even demanding that they pay for things they don\u2019t want.\nI\u2019m afraid if I don\u2019t say yes to him I\u2019ll be alone, but I know deep down what he wants me to do is wrong. What should I say?\nTheresa, London.", "answer": "i'll assume 70 is a typo\n\nyou need couples counseling. big problems here for sure", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qc5xz", "comment_id": "5qc5xz"}, {"question": "DAE knows some good DBT worksheets?", "description": "I am already doing meditation and mindfullness but I feel I need more work. I don't have money for therapy but I'd like to try DBT and I 've seen some users here mentioning DBT worksheets. I'd appreciate very much if someone could recommend me free DBT worksheets they know from experience help reducing some symptoms.", "answer": "https://ilovedbt.com/dbt-handouts-worksheets/ \n\nI also got a dbt skills workbook on amazon", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5tarpq", "comment_id": "5tarpq"}, {"question": "Suicide trigger warning", "description": "Age- 18\nSex- female\nHeight- 6'1\nWeight- 250lbs\nRace- white\nDuration of complaint- I did this about a year ago\nLocation- liver?\nNo relevant medical issues\nNo medication\nNo photos\n\nAbout a year ago I read somewhere that you can overdose and die with enough Tylenol so I got all the pills in my house and my dumbass took about 200+ pills \nOfcorse two hours later I threw everything back up-- the only side effect I got was for the next two days I had a constant ringing in my ears and I couldn't taste anything\n\nSo my question is did I cause any lasting damage to my liver.\nEvery bottle I see of Tylenol says on the back if I take more than the recommended amount I risk causing seriouse damage to my liver\nIf I did infact cause lasting damage then what warning signs should i be looking for to see if my liver is suffering\n\nGoing to a doctor is not an option so I'm asking y'all here-- thanks for any help :)\n", "answer": "Damage to your liver might include pain, turning yellow (jaundice), and death. Liver failure is not a good way to die.\n\nWe can\u2019t evaluate that over the Internet. You don\u2019t have to see a doctor, of course, but I highly recommend it. You don\u2019t have to say how or why you overdosed, although I recommend that as well; accidental overdoses happen and still may require urgent treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9tn1t9", "comment_id": "9tn1t9"}, {"question": "Which of these is likely to boost mood? (32F)", "description": "\nHi. My wife has MS (32F, 168cm, 58kg) and life has been tough recently. She takes Sertraline, which helps, but recently she found something new. Through an odd situation we were sent unsolicited vitamins from a MLM scheme and they told us to just keep them. My wife tried them and found she was happier, more motivated and generally in a great mood. \n\nGetting these vitamins from the MLM scheme is extremely expensive and not an option. I bought, quality brand, vitamins, minerals, and supplements matching or exceeding the stated quantities for every one but the alternative do not give her the same boost as these vitamins do. So it must be something else in there and not just a specific vitamin etc.\n\nHere is the ingredients list: https://imgur.com/a/x7nLf2Z\n\nCan you see anything on there that jumps out as something that would significantly boost mood either on its own or in combination with Sertraline?", "answer": "Unfortunately there\u2019s minimal to no evidence behind any of these components for mood, and pills have a strong placebo effect for mood. It\u2019s also well demonstrates that the more expensive the placebo\u2019s sticker price, the better it works. Brains and minds are complex things.\n\nYou can find a lot of bad evidence online (including in this very post\u2019s comments!) on supplements and anti-inflammatory diets and keto and gluten. There\u2019s no *good* evidence for any of those. If there were, it would be standard of care.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j071hc", "comment_id": "j071hc"}, {"question": "Insurance Won't Cover Therapist; Am I Screwed?", "description": "God, I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this - if there's a better one, please direct me to it.\n\nAfter years of failing to find a therapist in my town that would work with me, I finally found someone who clicks and she's been helpful in steering me towards methods that manage my anxiety and depression. Great, right? But she's not in my insurance network and I had assumed I had some out of network coverage options, because I took my employer's word without double checking myself.\n\nTurns out I don't. Just says \"NOT COVERED\" on any out-of-network providers.\n\nCurrently I pay $150 out of pocket per session and I see her weekly, but $600 a month is starting to drain and I'm having anxiety attacks over budgeting. I plan on speaking with her next time about sliding scale (which I feel like I'm insultingly cheap for asking about) but other than that, am I just out of options? It's either asking her to change her rate or nothing?", "answer": "Is she in a private practice? If so, my guess is she won't be adjusting the fee :/ If you see a therapist at an agency or community mental health center, you are more likely to find sliding scale/ fee reduction based on need.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49e1j2", "comment_id": "49e1j2"}, {"question": "My [21/f] girlfriend has extreme catholic parents and I am getting extremely bored of how the relationship works because of them.", "description": "I have been dating this girl for a bit more than two months now, and I really like her in every way, but the huge problem is that her parents take care of her like she was 8.\n\nShe can't come to my house, we can't be alone, we have to (almost every time) be with her parents, she can't get home later than 10pm, I can't sleep at her house, I have only been on her room ONCE, etc.\n\nShe has sneaked to my house several times and whatever but she is always pretty nervous and she is always scared. Her mom asks her to take pictures of where we are and it's pretty annoying. I really just want to spend time with her and have fun but it has been really difficult.\nMy friends love her but we always have to leave early, I have to take her home (which is like 2 hours away from mine)\n\nShe is also really hating this, and has even cried telling me \"Dude i am 21, I am older than you (I am 19) and they threat me like I was 7\" but she tells me that even if she tries to talk with her parents, nothing will change and that they won't even listen to her.\n\nIt's also incredibly annoying to be with her mom like 60% of the time, she talks to me like criticizing me and trying to turn me into a catholic, I have spent almost the same time with her mom than with her, and it really sucks cause I just really want to have a cool relationship with this girl .\n\nSo yeah, in general the way the relationship is working has been boring for me and I don't what to do. If I want to be with my SO I have to be in her house, and if I'm there, her mom will come to us and talk about God for like 3 hours. Should I stop going to her house? Should I tell her to grow up and talk with her parents? I am really thinking about leaving her, I love this girl but if I can't spend quality time with her, I feel like the relation is just going nowhere.\n", "answer": "she has to make a decision about being her own person or not. if she can't be, no rel. will work out for her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0r6", "comment_id": "5kc0r6"}, {"question": "Do i have autism?", "description": "TL;DR: If both of my parents have autism, how great is the chance that me and my siblings have it?\n\nThe reason why im asking this is because I have 5 siblings, and i am 100% sure that 2 of them have autism. ( 1 diagnosed, 1 undiagnosed). I do have some mental disorders, including bpd, (social) anxiety and depression, diagnosed. There is also 1 other sibling who has anxiety, but not as bad as mine, or they know how to handle and/or hide it better than me. \n\nI would like to know how great the chance of me having autism is, if both my parents would have some form of it. The way they handle things and have raised us was pretty alarming, and there have been a lot of child protection services throughout our childhoods. I'm 90% sure that my dad has some form of autism, but im still doubting about my mother. It would explain a lot if my mother has it, since i also expect it from some of her siblings.", "answer": "So the bad news is that the most accurate answer you're going to get to your questions is: We don't know.\n\nWhile some studies have suggested so, we still don't know for sure if autism is genetic. Research has shown that autism can come from pretty much anywhere (except vaccines): environment, genetics, culture, etc. \n\nIt sounds like there's a history of mental health in your family, so an autism diagnosis wouldn't be completely out of the picture. However, no one is going to be able to tell you what the chances are of you or your siblings having autism. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gkk28", "comment_id": "4gkk28"}, {"question": "Beat a huge trigger last night", "description": "A friend who I party hard with randomly stopped at my place last night expecting me to already be drinking like always in the past and he showed up with a handle of vodka and a few grams of cocaine which previously I'd never ever be able to turn down that offer and I'm very glad I said I was taking it easy because if I indulged I'd still be up now at 9am drunk as hell and high dreading work tomorrow morning \n\nWoke up this morning feeling like I caught a cold but this beats still being up drunk and out of it regretting my decisions", "answer": "You are a freaking rock star! Well done! Enjoy your hangover-free day. (Alcohol and cocaine hangovers are exponentially worse than alcohol hangovers ime)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkjbvi", "comment_id": "dkjbvi"}, {"question": "Therapy seems to be getting some flack from the far left these days", "description": "I'm a bit surprised, because I thought that was where it flourished and people who have had depression tend to gain empathy. What do you think happened?", "answer": "I will need more information to comment. I'm not sure what you mean.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgn2ov", "comment_id": "hgn2ov"}, {"question": "I'm attracted to my best friends sister.... help", "description": "Hi this is a throw away since my buddy knows my real account. Anyways I am 19 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were kids. \nWe basically grew up together. In the past 6 months I have developed a crush towards his sister... she is the same age as me and we recently have been talking alot more. \nAnyways at first I figured the crush was nothing and it would pass but it didn't go away. She is home from college and it's getting to the point where I really want to ask her out but I'm not sure if it's a good idea..... \nI don't really think he would care all that much but it's just the principal of it since it goes against the \"bro code\" type deal. The other night we were all drinking at his house and she drinks with us too..\n The funny thing is the other night there mom has now noticed because she literally said \" I think we need to give him a few more drinks before he will admit that he likes you\" I kinda just smiled and looked away but obviously she knows it. At this point I'm not sure what to think because I have tried talking to other girls and going on dates but she still keeps popping up in my head.", "answer": "ask her out", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kd7hm", "comment_id": "5kd7hm"}, {"question": "Any 'as needed' anxiety meds out there?", "description": "Buyer Beware: My wife does not have a Reddit, but wanted to ask this community a question, so she is using my account. Everything below (and any/all responses) will be her on the keyboard.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI am just wondering if there are 'as needed' options for anxiety meds. Most of the time I manage it well enough, but when life gets particularly challenging, my anxiety really kicks into high gear. I feel overwhelmed, mentally paralyzed/stuck, just want to shrink away and hide all day, and lash out at those around me. It's pretty rough to be me or even to be near me at those times.\n\nI would rather not have a 'take every day' med - I'm not a huge fan of taking meds of just about any kind even avoiding most otc headache/cold/etc meds whenever possible. So before I spend $100 just to talk to my Dr (crappy insurance) I am wondering if there is an 'as needed' anti-anxiety med available. Something I could just take on the bad days.\n\n* Age: 50 (pre-menopausal)\n* Sex: Yes (Ha! Junior high jokes are the best) Female\n* Height: 5'7\"\n* Weight: 135 (down from a high of 170 last year! Yay me!)\n* Race: W\n* Duration: Intermittently since late 20's, early 30's (?)\n* Location: It's all in my head (Mental)\n* Don't smoke, don't drink (\u266bwhat do you do\u266b), no drugs.\n* No current meds\n\nThanks to the hubby for letting me use his reddit. I don't do social media, no matter how cool it looks. (Hopefully his FBI/Area 51 agents now think he's the one with anxiety issues!)", "answer": "There are a lot of recommendations for benzodiazepines here. I\u2019m not a big fan.\n\nIf anxiety is brief and episodic, the better treatment is psychotherapy, but that\u2019s a significant time investment. If it\u2019s a big enough problem to merit treatment, I think that is the way to go. As-needed treatment is over time generally less effective than as needed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cp2lnx", "comment_id": "cp2lnx"}, {"question": "I need someone to tell me what is this problem with my penis", "description": "20M, 210, 6', Caucasian, No medications, problem (as described below) has been going on as far as I can remember\n\nI can\u2019t retract my foreskin. I always tried when I was younger and always was painful and could never fully retract. I can see part of my glans and can wash some what of it. But I cannot retract all the way to the neck of the penis.\n\nNow everyone is gonna say, is phimosis, I do not believe it is. I made a lot of research and can not find anything that seems to look like what I have. Let me explain.\n\nWhen I try to retract my penis foreskin, it starts showing a little of the glans, from the top side, then when I look at the bottom part, the foreskin is still in the top of the penis head, when I try to pull that area down the opening (external urethral meatus) and the inner foreskin are **literally stuck** together, there is a piece of flesh connecting them together.\n\nThis piece of flesh can not be the frenulum as the frenulum is not close to the meatus, I just don\u2019t understand why is it like that. Is this a condition? I\u2019m sure this cannot be phimosis, as phimosis is tight foreskin not a piece of flesh that makes the top part of the penis stuck to the foreskin.\n\nAny doctors or anyone who is familiar with this?", "answer": "Posts that can involve circumcision bring out strong *non-medical opinions.*\n\nIf you post about whether or not to get circumcision, your post should be removed. If you give forceful advice without flair, you will be temporarily banned to remove you from this thread.\n\nThis is r/AskDocs, for **asking docs.** If you are not a doc, some have already weighed in here, and your editorializing is not welcome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hm0xo7", "comment_id": "hm0xo7"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin for ADHD?", "description": "Hey guys, my psychiatrist just Px'd me Wellbutrin for ADHD. I know this is an anti-depressant; however, she assured me that it's secondarily used to treat ADHD. \n\nJust curious if anyone has experience with this? I was no aware that this drug could be used. Any insight is appreciated! Thanks! ", "answer": "It is sometimes prescribed off label for ADHD and some people do well with it. I\u2019ve been on Wellbutrin for years for my depression and don\u2019t find that it helps much with my particular brand of ADHD.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a3htqy", "comment_id": "a3htqy"}, {"question": "Depression/Anxiety, SSRI Tachyphylaxis, and Possible long-term SSRI treatment-induced bipolar disorder (?)", "description": "I'm a 40 y/o white male, 6'0\", 170 lbs, moderate drinker (1-2 drinks/day), former smoker (quit 2005), no recreational drugs. I've been on Lexapro at some dosage (from 10-30 mg/day, currently 20 mg) for \\~13 years for diagnoses of depression/anxiety/OCD. I take 0.5 mg clonazepam as needed (maybe 1-2 times a month), and have also been diagnosed with ADHD, although it is currently unmedicated as methylphenidate increased my anxiety. My OCD is centered around health issues, predominately cardiac in nature. I've had multiple cardiac tests done repeatedly over 13 years with no issues found. \n\nWhile on Lexapro, I've still had issues with depression and anxiety. However, my anxiety has significantly abated with 20 mg over the past 1.5 years, and my clonazepam use has decreased substantially. That suggests to me that Lexapro is working, even if it isn't ideal. The depression isn't as well-relieved by Lexapro. I deal with low self-esteem, no energy, being grumpy/irritable, and little interest in formerly exciting hobbies. However, I am able to work a full-time engineering job and meet my family commitments. I do have days where my mood can plummet further, almost always in response to a specific situation or thought. I'm highly sensitive. These extreme low moods are often relieved by a good nap and I feel ok again later in the day. Never has my mood elevated for no reason. Never do I feel full of energy, nor do I have trouble sleeping (quite the opposite).\n\nMy previous psychiatrist retired, and my new psychiatrist of 2 months says that SSRIs can not work for 13 years. Also, she claims that long-term SSRI use can cause someone to become bipolar, or at least exhibit some bipolar symptoms. She suspects this in me, despite 22 years of mental health treatment by multiple physicians and psychologists in which that diagnosis has never been suggested. She also believes that a past attempt to switch from Lexapro to Viibryd, quickly cross-tapering medications over a 2-week period, provides evidence for her bipolar suspicions because I became easily angered and highly irritable during this period (I went back to Lexapro and those issues subsided). I've never experienced anything that resembles mania or an elevated mood as described in medical resources. I've taken all the diagnostic questionnaires that I can find and all indicate that I have very low to no probability of bipolar disorder. \n\nI have suggested a willingness to try to augment my treatment with Wellbutrin (I took it when quitting smoking with no issues), in the hopes that it may aid with the depression, as well as possibly help the ADHD. My doctor does not like this as it may increase my anxiety and trigger a never-before-seen manic episode (she had no problem giving me methylphenidate for ADHD which increased my anxiety). She has suggested Zoloft (bad side effects the first time I took it) because it's \"most similar to Lexapro.\" She has also mentioned Abilify because of her bipolar suspicion. I have some anxiety about trying new medications due to my experience with Viibryd. I don't want to end up missing work or dealing with worsening depression. Some of the meds have rare side effects, the thoughts of which trigger my anxiety (prolonged QT intervals, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, etc.). At the close of my last appointment, she said \"I know what you need to do, but you're not going to do it. Our time is almost up, so what do you want me to do?\" She was alluding to my fear of medication, even though we had not discussed it during this appointment (our 3rd). Here are my questions:\n\n1. Is SSRI tachyphylaxis inevitable, as my doctor seems to suggest?\n2. Can long-term SSRI treatment cause bipolar disorder?\n3. In your opinion does my description above suggest a bipolar diagnosis?\n4. I'm aware that Wellbutrin aggravates anxiety/irritability in some people. Can it induce a manic episode?\n5. This may be beyond the scope of this sub, but given what I've written, would you suggest trying a different psychiatrist? I'm open to suggestions on how to continue my treatment.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "1. Pedantically, tachyphylaxis contains \u201ctacky-\u201c meaning fast. It\u2019s when drugs stop working very quickly. That\u2019s not what you\u2019re talking about. Regardless, no. There so seem to be some people for whom SSRIs stop working after years, but there are many more who do fine on one medication.\n\nIf you were doing better before, it could be a medication failure. But if Lexapro is imperfect but no less perfect than it used to be, it\u2019s fine.\n\n2. Bipolar disorder is not an inevitable side effect. If it happens, it\u2019s usually rapid, not years in, and \u201cuncovering\u201d or inducing mania is a small minority. This sounds unlikely to me...\n\n3. ...because you\u2019re not really describing bipolar disorder. Maybe she\u2019s picking up something that you\u2019re not describing, but I don\u2019t get it.\n\n4. Wellbutrin can induce mania like any antidepressant. It has been considered less likely to do so, but based on very limited data that I find unconvincing. It\u2019s a good antidepressant and actually a fine anti-anxiety medication. It can be physically activating, but that\u2019s not the same as anxiety per se even with symptom overlap.\n\n5. It sounds like you had a change of psychiatrist forced upon you. It can take some tries to find a good match. A second opinion is reasonable. So is a change of provider if you just can\u2019t see eye to eye and it\u2019s necessary, but I\u2019d recommend talking to her about your concerns out of courtesy if nothing else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cgfbwu", "comment_id": "cgfbwu"}, {"question": "Minor inconveniences ruin my mood and ability to concentrate", "description": "I've got four hours of work still and a lot of shit to do, but I can't concentrate on any of it because I had a call with my phone operator's customer service during lunch that annoyed me. how do y'all move on from feelings and thoughts. this is exhausting.\n\n\nedit: managed to calm myself down and get back to work after an hour of walking/trying to distract myself on my phone enough to stop the hyperfocus. Thanks guys!", "answer": "Omg yeah if you find out, let me know lol.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c0bdbp", "comment_id": "c0bdbp"}, {"question": "Seeing a psychologist but it's done nothing so far. How do I work with her to assist her with helping me?", "description": "Not really sure how to explain this so I'll just write out the story of what has happened so far.\n\nThroughout my child and teenage years I always suspected that I had some sort of mental health issues. In my 20s I made a move to a big city from a small country town and started having major issues with panic attacks and social anxiety (feeling scared at having other people in the room, not knowing what to say to people, etc). I went to a GP and he said I definitely had anxiety (I received a booklet and realized I have general anxiety as well), however I didn't have the money to visit a psychologist then so I put it off.\n\nA couple years later, I've been working with my fiance to improve my social anxiety and it's been going great. I'm still extremely anxious but I am now making friends and can hold one on one conversations with people that I am close to (sometimes even without alcohol!). I have even flown internationally by myself.\n\nHowever, I had just been recently hired to a job and it wasn't suited to me at all. I was receiving warning and threats of termination and it was stressing me out so much that I began to think about suicide (something I hadn't done in about 4 or 5 years (since moving out of my parents' house and moving in with my fiance)). I decided that thinking about suicide, whether I was planning to actually do it or not, was enough cause for me to actually go see someone. (I have since been let go from the job and am now unemployed.)\n\nI was referred by a GP, and I've had I think three sessions so far. I said I needed help with anxiety because it's the only thing that I am sure I have. I was referred for anxiety, stress, and depression but the psychologist doesn't think that I have depression (though we haven't talked about it much), and since I have since then lost my job it isn't causing stress any longer.\n\nShe tried some meditation-ish things where she talks and explains how to relax and I follow her instructions. When we finished I said that it didn't really make me feel more relaxed. She gave me a CD to listen to at home and when I listed to it by myself and tried to relax it made me really angry. I got so upset that I was slamming doors and clenching my jaw and trying not to break things. I told this to her and she said I am the first person to react that way (which surprised me). Anyway, I guess that's not really relevant.\n\nMy point is kind of... it hasn't worked so far but I can't blame the psychologist. I feel like I'm going to the GP and saying \"I think I'm sick.\" They obviously would ask something like \"Okay, what are your symptoms?\" and I'd say something like \"Uhhh... I dunno... I'm sick though, I'm pretty sure.\" \"Okay... does your arm hurt?\" \"...Nah...\" \"Do you have a stomach ache?\" \"I guess... sometimes... a bit...\" I'd never expect a GP to do that.\n\nAlso, we were talking about why I was being fired at work (making excessive errors, coming in late, lack of focus, etc) and she started asking me questions that I immediately recognized as symptoms of ADHD. I don't know if I answered her questions properly because I was afraid that I might be trying to be diagnosed with something that I don't even have (it sounds so silly when I type it out now but it's a legitimate concern). I think I might have done the opposite though and answered less truthfully than I could have.\n\nI was considering writing a big list of everything that I have issues with that I don't think other people have problems with or things that I think I have more problems with than others but then I'm afraid I'll be whining and writing stuff that everyone has problems with and just trying to get her to say I'm sick. Also I'm going there for anxiety and stress which isn't too much of an issue because I am no longer stressed at my job and I am making progress quickly enough with my social anxiety that I don't really need assistance (the general anxiety (freaking out about the possibility of having (physical (apparently i love parenthesis)) health issues or someone breaking into the house, stuff like that) I don't think she could really help with without giving me medication for it and I really don't want to be on medication (I think I am managing well enough on my own with the help of my fiance and medications have so many horrible side effects and cost money).\n\nTL;DR: The last paragraph probably says the main part, the rest is just a long winded backstory.", "answer": "I agree with the other comment, and just want to add, therapy takes time. Three sessions isn't very many, and you just have to keep working on it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2h0g3s", "comment_id": "2h0g3s"}, {"question": "Is anyone else's", "description": "Mental illness so severe they can't take care of their own child or children?", "answer": "I don't yet have a child, but Its been at that point before, yeah,where I feared having kids. I'm at the point now where I feel I'm ready to try. A lot of hard work and hell If I haven't had to learn things the hard way through most of it, but I'm here now. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7wojgp", "comment_id": "7wojgp"}, {"question": "Is there any way to increase EQ? Sometimes I wish people could be straightforward, but since they won't, I have to learn.", "description": "So, a couple separate incidents this week made me realize that, for all the understanding that I've made about aspies and the disorder, I still can't read between the lines. Both come from my mother, who as I said before doesn't recognize mental disorders at all. Because most of my friends know I have Aspies, they tend to treat my emotions with kid gloves (or my SO kicks my shin, which helps), so I appreciate it that my mother goes ballistic, even though it hurts like hell when she calls me a retarded child (I'm 26).\n\nI say I can't take a survey for my sister because I've never touched the product she's trying to survey on, I get chewed at being impolite to my sister. I go to help my aunt with her bag, my aunt says \"It's Okay\", so I back off, and I get yelled at for not being a gentleman.\n\nI feel that, since we don't exactly have a sign hanging around my neck that says \"AUTISTIC\", it's better to \"learn\" how other people think. People like us, it's \"If A then A\", but there's also B and C which may arise and which may cause problems because we don't see, and it gets interpreted as a lack of awareness or empathy. I know I'm failing miserably at my work and my family relationship because of this. It constantly feels like I'm being tested when I don't know I am, and when I forget about the scrutiny, that's when I fuck up.\n\nSo there must be a way to learn this right? There must be a way to learn empathy and see subtexts.", "answer": "I am an aspie who is currently in graduate school for clinical social work. It is a profession that relies a lot on reading other people. I have always wanted to be a counselor and when I was diagnosed with asperger's I was afraid I would never make the cut. \n\nI asked my diagnosing psychologist what she thought of me trying to become a licensed counselor or social worker and she said that, not only would i make a great counselor, but a counseling or social work graduate program would likely be the best possible training in social skills that an aspie could receive (better than social skills groups/training). \n\nI just finished a year long internship as a clinical social worker and I actually did a great job counseling folks. \n\nMy point is that you can absolutely learn better empathy and communication. You can do it by actually reading about empathy and communication and listening skills, and then actively practicing what you learn. \n\nI think the differences between aspies and NT's isn't that aspies can't learn social communication. It is that they have to make an effort to learn. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26f6a8", "comment_id": "26f6a8"}, {"question": "I'm done telling people \"I don't drink\"...", "description": "I've started saying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days.\"\n\n---\n\nThere seems to be a certain stigma that comes with being a non-drinker. When I say \"I don't drink\", it's like *oh, you're one of those people.* \n\nSaying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days\" gets the message across without the possibility of triggering that awkwardness. \n\nIdk, it works for me. Maybe you can try it. \n\n---\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Some of this has been said but I\u2019ll just add that when I was newer in sobriety this kind of thing bothered me more. But now I have to say I feel super comfortable saying \u201cNo thanks...I don\u2019t drink\u201d. I\u2019m not saying that the road isn\u2019t challenging sometimes but I really don\u2019t miss it around folks that would judge me for not drinking. I now see their assessment as so insanely-skewed that I\u2019d sooner seek vampires\u2019 or zombies\u2019 thoughts on vegetarianism. It really is a blessing to have found a path to sobriety and to understand how perversely alcohol affected my perceptions and expectations. Again, not always an easy road but thank heavens IWNDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "huh5g7", "comment_id": "huh5g7"}, {"question": "Am I wrong for not wanting to talk to my grandma?", "description": "I love my grabdma so much but the thing is is I just moved. I lived with my grandma and step grandfather and at their house I had no privacy. They\u2019d just walk in and she was always talking to me and my she needs help a lot so when I was their I was helping nonstop because she\u2019s married to an asshole. I understand that she needed help but I moved now and again I love my grabdma but I honestly want space.. I wanna not talk to her for just a few days because she\u2019s so annoying I could never get a break all the 3 and a half years I was living there and now I want that break. Am I wrong for wanting space? I mean cause she gets so but hurt if I don\u2019t call her a second after she calls and she called me legitimately every few hours until I stopped picking up. I called her yesterday and the day before only once but tbh those calls were hell. I just want to be left alone for like 5 days. I put this in here cause when I think about it it sounds messed up to not wanna talk to your grandma but I can\u2019t help it", "answer": "I can understand how this feels. You\u2019re town between wanting not wanting to hurt your grandma and needing time for yourself. It\u2019s totally ok to need time for yourself and get a much needed break (especially after living with them and not having much space). Boundaries are absolutely ok to set, but you need to let people know there\u2019s a boundary. You don\u2019t have to be harsh about it (that doesn\u2019t sound like what you want to do because you don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings). Maybe you can say that you\u2019ve got a lot going on and will be really busy for a few days and dealing with some things and need some time for yourself so won\u2019t be able to talk. You can reassure her that you love her and that you\u2019ll be back in touch when things calm down and you\u2019ve had time to recoup from your busy (work, school, project whatever you come up with...make it semi legitimate like don\u2019t say you\u2019re feeding the homeless in Puerto Rico for 5 days lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "erl1pj", "comment_id": "erl1pj"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "I don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. If people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. I think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. I myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where I do find happiness and joy in most days, even though I\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. I still get my bad flare ups, but I\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. I practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know I\u2019m in more of a down place and I may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. Truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. No one else can do it for us. They can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ak1v0w"}, {"question": "When is it time to call it quits?", "description": "I'm been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, and for most of it, it's been good. But I'm only 18, I feel like if I stay with her I'm going to waste my youth. We see each other everyday, I've never been happy about it because I love being alone to be able to do what I want in my freetime. I've tried bringing it up in the past to her many times that I'd like it if we saw less of each other during the week. It might be the way I say but she usually gets upset and cries. I then back out of it and make an excuse of joking or something along the lines. \n\nI've felt like I've missed out on a lot during this relationship, I don't have much friends anymore. I'm only allowed to go out with her, she will also the final say on whether we go out or not. ( I know this sounds bad but this is one of her scarce bad qualities)\n\nI don't feel like I want to break up, I just wished we spent less time and I had more freedom. I don't want to break up with her to go for other girls, I just want to be with my friends more. But if I told her any of this she'd get mad and cry.\n\nI love her so much and my life would definitely worse off overall with her, but love only goes so far. ", "answer": "Well, it's tough to settle down so early. For those reasons. I don't think it's about love only going so far. It's about what we need in love at different stages of our lives. It's not wrong to want what you want. If she can't deal with it, it's because she's young and afraid of losing you. If you gradually take a little more time doing the things you need to do, she will see over time that your other needs are not a threat.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o4ncm", "comment_id": "6o4ncm"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago. I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough. It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either. I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search. I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\". Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches. It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time. \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out. Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to. I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time. Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol. I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years. When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing. I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor. When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room. And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal. Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges. I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good. They thought I might be developing an eating disorder. Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat. Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time. I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me. I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice. I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you. Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it. That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes. Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour. Helped me through the isolation. I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail. \n\nI drew a lot. A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use. But I drew a lot to express myself. I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me. Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail. But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them. So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway! All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "ep90f2"}, {"question": "Can grief subconsciously exhaust you?", "description": "I lost my childhood dog today. I had her since I was 10, and now I'm 23, I've gone off to college halfway across the country. She passed away today after a long battle with some eating problems.\n\nI heard about her passing at work, and I hardly even mourned. I think I knew this was coming, so I got my grieving out of the way sometime before.\n\nI feel exhausted today, even though I didn't cry or even feel anything emotionally heavy at a surface level. Can grief cause physical exhaustion, even if I didn't do any physical grieving? Or am I just catching some illness?", "answer": "Can grief cause physical (and mental) exhaustion? Yes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9bmkb", "comment_id": "c9bmkb"}, {"question": "Physicians don't take me seriously", "description": "25F USA\n\nToday I dealt with, for the nth time now, a doctor not taking me seriously due to my psychiatric diagnosis (BP 1).\n\n\nThey take one look at my chart and automatically assume that whatever my problem is must be due to my mental illness or a side effect of one of my psych meds.\n\n\nToday I went to the doctor for what was obviously a UTI. I've never been to med school or anything, but come on. I just needed some goddamn antibiotics. The doctor's diagnosis? Must be urinary symptoms from your lithium. Go ask your psychiatrist. Now I have to take additional time off work to go to a different doctor and hope that they take my symptoms seriously.\n\n\nOne other time I had these awful episodes of vertigo and was damn near falling over all the time. I had to go to four different doctors before I finally got a diagnosis of BPPV, because the first three thought it was anxiety, a side effect of my lamictal, and anxiety, respectively.\n\n\nIt's like as soon as you're diagnosed with a mental illness, doctors just lump all your medical issues into psychiatric issues and tell you to ask your psychiatrist because they can't be bothered to do a proper workup on a crazy person.\n\n\nHow do I deal with this?? Do I just need to be more assertive? Call them out on it? I feel like this lowered standard of care is going to take years off my life (if the antipsychotics aren't already...).", "answer": "This is a real problem with stigma of psychiatry in medicine, and I don't have an answer for it. Because I work in a hospital system, sometimes I have to be the one to call other physicians and tell them that this isn't a typical medication side effect and that they have to do a minimal workup before ignoring all complaints\u2014but I have that privilege by being a doctor. As a patient, it's very hard.\n\nOther patients might have other tips, but I think calmly calling them out might work. \"I've been on lithium for a long time and I haven't had urinary problems. Pain isn't a common issue. Could you please check for infection?\" And if that fails, ask your psychiatrist to run interference for you with other doctor as much as possible.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dopgzo", "comment_id": "dopgzo"}, {"question": "My much better looking ex-fiance (37M) constantly insulted my (24F) appearance. What is the best way for me to feel beautiful, when he said I'm neither beautiful nor a natural beauty?", "description": "We dated for under a year and were engaged for 2 months before I broke things off on account of his emotional infidelity on two separate dating sites while I was recovering from my chin and jaw being disfigured by facial plastic surgery. I ended up getting the plastic surgery options reversed, so I now look normal, but not as good as I did prior to the surgery. \n\nThe reason I got it was because he insulted my appearance and said I didn't have \"Mediterranean cheekbones.\" I thought he stood by me through everything as we used to talk for hours on Skype everyday for months while we were long distance, but I caught him on POF the day after 1 17 hour operation that saved my life, and he told me he deleted it then. IHe then told me last July that he was on another dating site the entire time and that he wasn't even who he said he was--28, Indian-Australian with a V name, etc.--but he was actually 36, with a totally different name, and that he was a spy, etc. I forgave him but when I realized that there was no way he was a spy, I started revenge emotionally cheating on him by having anonymous conversations with boys on message forums and hiring Invisible Boyfriend to get romantic messages to my cell phone. \n\nTo be clear, my ex did really wonderful things as my boyfriend and even as my fiance after his admission of guilt, though. He basically always picked me up and dropped me off at my dorm, was very chivalrous, cooked for me constantly, did my laundry, took care of me when I was sick, bought me anything and everything I needed, and was always, always there for me. No matter the situation, he always had my back. I could rant at him for hours about how he cheated on me and he would listen patiently and try to get me to calm down, and he really helped me take steps to control the anger I felt about his infidelities (even though he kept denying them). I couldn't get over his infidelities earlier, though. And the fact that whenever we went out anywhere he constantly looked at other girls and then denied doing so. He protected my virginity so I'm thankfully still a super virgin (he never even took off my bra). And the fact that he constantly said I wasn't beautiful, wasn't a natural beauty, and am never going to get another guy. He invested hours and hours in helping me deal with how awfully I felt when out with him, by teaching me DBT, but he ended up making it worse because it was this vicious cycle. We ended up not being able to go out anywhere or do anything because he constantly looked at other girls until I yelled at him to the point he stopped doing it and looked downwards. Everytime we were around a \"prettier\" girl, he'd let go of my hand and look at her repeatedly. He humiliated me even on our engagement dinner, where he let go of my hand and did a dismissive hand swipe at me when we were at a restaurant and a prettier girl walked by. It's just difficult because he's already found another girl, and she's as expected--prettier facially, more petite, and just as much of a slut as he is. \n\nI loved him very much, and I sacrificed my entire future for him (medical school, moved to a different country, got kicked out of my dorm for spending too much time with him and not participating in activities, etc.). He seemed distant and didn't live up to promises to write me while we were long distance, so I ended the engagement in a fury, and said a lot of mean things. I'm starting to feel really guilty for how I handled everything because he wanted to marry me and I'm scared he might be the only one who will ever tolerate my average looks enough to propose to me.\n\nHow can I go from this experience and convince myself I am beautiful, despite how he treated me? I won a minor beauty pageant around the time we started dating and am attractive enough in my own eyes, but he constantly pointed out my flaws (big hands, large chin, not a natural beauty). Will I ever find a boy who is attracted to me and wants to marry me again? If I die alone and die a virgin, does that necessarily mean that I'm just not worthy of someone who treats me properly? He's told the new girl she's beautiful, but the only time he said it to me was the day he proposed. He constantly said I was objectively unattractive (a \"7\") but was only subjectively attractive. Things got really bad and I had to start fantasizing about another guy emotionally because the thought of someone else who was nicer to me was infinitely more appealing to me than my ex.\n\n\nPlease help me, Reddit.", "answer": "don't listen to him. he's an abuser. be yourself.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w29l0", "comment_id": "5w29l0"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine Dosage", "description": "I have been on Lamotrigine for the past few months. I was prescribed it to help with a General Anxiety Disorder. I have increased the dosage to 100 mgs per day. It works great.\n\nRecently, I completely forgot my morning dosage. I took it that evening. I was then unsure if I should start taking it in the evenings instead. Because I didn\u2019t want to take too much within 24 hours, I switched to this new evening schedule. The result? My anxiety is becoming an issue again.\n\nTwo questions:\n\n1. Would switching to the evenings really effect my anxiety that much? I\u2019m curious if it\u2019s just my imagination. I\u2019ve felt significantly worse suddenly.\n\n2. Would it be safe to simply skip the dosage tonight, and get back on my normal routine in the morning? If I do so, I will have not taken any Lamotrigine for maybe 36 hours.\n\nSummary: 37, male, 5\u20198\u201d, 177 pounds, white. This has been an issue over the last week. It\u2019s not located anywhere on my body. I have General Anxiety Disorder. I take 100 mgs of Lamotrigine and 20 mgs of Propranolol per day. I do not do any drugs, nor do I smoke.", "answer": "The time of day you take lamotrigine would have no effect for any reason I can think of, but that doesn't mean there's no peculiar interaction with circadian rhythm or hormones. I would actually encourage you to take it tonight, then move the next dose up to the late afternoon so that you go less than a day rather than more than a day. Up to 200 mg (or more than 200 mg) of lamotrigine is safe, and skipping doses is in my mind, for no great reason, more hazardous.\n\nIn reality it likely doesn't matter much how you go about it if you adjust your schedule back to mornings.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9jjb0t", "comment_id": "9jjb0t"}, {"question": "I just don\u2019t care. Is this normal?", "description": "So I\u2019ve been depressed for about 8 years now, but it\u2019s been somewhat under control so that i can go about my daily life with no problem. \nSo as most of y\u2019all know today is Father\u2019s Day, and I just don\u2019t understand the sentimentality of celebrating mothers/fathers day, or Christmas or my birthday for that matter. Like great you have a kid, great I\u2019m another year older, great some guy was born ~2000 years ago. It\u2019s gotten worse as I\u2019ve gotten older. I just \u201ccelebrated\u201d my 26th birthday and I did it alone. No one there just me watching game of thrones with pizza. Everyone else was on a vacation to the beach that I didn\u2019t care enough to go on. Like I feel like I should care about these things but I don\u2019t. I just don\u2019t care. Maybe it\u2019s time to go back to my doctor and to start seeing a therapist again, but I don\u2019t want to rely on doctors and medications for me to care about stuff again. ", "answer": "I suggest finding a CBT Therapist who will support you in becoming your own Therapist.", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8ruhsc", "comment_id": "8ruhsc"}, {"question": "I need help.", "description": "So basically, I'm in a long distance relationship. And my girlfriend told me she'd kissed another girl, which she's not attracted to. Is this really cheating? Also she told me she's talking to a guy which \"seems to know whenever she's upset\". She's also in a period of a lot of studying, around 8 hours a day, and she lied about going to a party, one day, because she thought I'd get mad. (Since I could have taken like she wants to do that more than being with me). \n\nI don't know if I should break up or not. I love her terribly much so I'm afraid to. Any advice?\n\nEDIT: I'm just afraid of what it would do to me if I broke up", "answer": "she doesn't seem committed to you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lv0z0", "comment_id": "5lv0z0"}, {"question": "IBS and emet", "description": "So I was wondering, do any of you guys also struggle with IBS as well? I have IBS-C (constipation) and it makes my stomach hurt a lot and I confuse it with n* or it turns into n* which makes all of this 10 times worse.", "answer": "Ohhhh yeah... IBS, acid reflux, frequent nausea, bad PMS...", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5pfwlj", "comment_id": "5pfwlj"}, {"question": "Question about purging and consequences?", "description": "I usually eat food and then purge it, like perhaps a couple times per month. I feel fine afterward maybe a bit tired but last night my stomach hurt like hell and continued to feel horribly nauseous. This dizziness and stomach pain intensified when I rose to go the bathroom.Then my knees felt weak and I could barely make it back to my room. My vision was becoming spotty and I felt like my head was \"swimming\"; can't quite describe it, like my thoughts weren't so clear. I started sweating, then feeling cold and then sweating again. Part of me was debating whether to knock on my suitemate's door and ask her to call for medical help. I managed to make it to my door, where I lay down on the bed and fell asleep. Woke up this morning feeling somewhat better...\n\nI am a university age student, female, around 110 lbs and 5'4. So it's not like I was underweight.\n\nCan anyone help me figure out what happened? Was this some kind of warning telling me not to do it again? Last night I found myself lying on the floor, saying I wouldn't do it again, and yet today I am again, wondering if I should.", "answer": "Why are you purging in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5158e8", "comment_id": "5158e8"}, {"question": "Questions about \"Status Epilepticus\" after intentional cocaine overdose in 35 yr. old diabetic male:", "description": "35 yr old white male, cigarette smoker, type 1 diabetic since 19 yrs. old. History of several episodes of ketoacidosis. 5 ft. 5in. tall, 140 Lbs. Theraputic doses of Xanax and Norco. History of drug abuse. Prefers opiates and cocaine. He knows his limits. His nurse said \"Huge amount of cocaine in his system\", and that it was so much that \"We think he overdosed on purpose.\"\n\nOn Thursday, July 5th, he was found down in bushes having a seizure, bystander called 911. No one knows how long he was down before paramedics arrived. ER doctors could only stop the seizures with anticonvulsants. He was intubated and has been on a ventilator since then, and moved to the neuro. ICU. He has been held in a medical coma to prevent seizures. Anticonvulsants are lowering his blood pressure too far, so they have been removed a couple of times; however, seizures return when they are removed, so he has been returned to them. His blood sugar level has been held steady at or near 150.\n\nA 24 hr. EEG shows normal brain activity. His team of doctors plan to remove anticonvulsants and the ventilator on Monday, July 9th \"to see what happens\". No MRI can be done until he is removed from the EEG. \n\nNow my questions: What is the usual outcome from cocaine toxicity? How is the ventilator affecting his lungs and brain? If he comes out of this, is it likely he will have brain damage? If he doesn't come out of this, what is a reasonable amount of time to keep him on the machines? Will his organs be viable for donation if he is on the ventilator until Friday, June 14th? (As a family we are on the fence about giving him until then to come out of this,) We understand he was trying to commit suicide, and we want him to come out of this, but we want him to be the same person he was, with the same quality of life he had. If that isn't likely then we want to let him go, but we aren't getting answers to the questions we have.\n\nThank you for your time.", "answer": "Cocaine can lower seizure threshold (increase the chance of seizure), but that's not one of its main or classic toxicities. Death from cocaine overdose is usually from heart attack, arrhythmia, or hyperthermia, seizure-related, so this is a strange clinical picture if cocaine was the only drug involved. If he were taking more benzos than prescribed and then stopped suddenly he could have seizures, but those would usually resolve with giving benzos, which I assume were given as standard status epilepticus treatment.\n\nThe use of a ventilator is to provide sufficient oxygen. If used wrong it can damage lungs, but usually it doesn't cause any lasting damage. Whether he has brain damage depends on how long he wasn't breathing and what was going on with the seizures; there's no way to know. But if his EEG looks normal that's a good sign.\n\nThere's no right answer for how long to give him on the ventilator. That depends on the clinical situation and your own feelings and decision making. It's a very hard, sad situation. In general, you can be on a vent for a very long time and organs will be just fine, so there's no rush if you're considering donation. But I think that's premature; you still need to know what happens when weaned off the meds and vent.\n\nThis is a very tragic situation for you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Your questions are many that can best be answered by the medical team involved, but in fact many probably don't have answers yet. Everyone is hoping that he'll wake up and be fine, but there's no way to know that until it's tried. I hope it goes well.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8wvkoy", "comment_id": "8wvkoy"}, {"question": "Seeking advice on an (nearly) everyday issue", "description": "Have fairly bad ADD, and end up with similar situations as this example fairly regularly....Thoughts on ways to help?\n\nOver the weekend, I finally made it back out to an autocross after months of hiatus. I was leaving for lunch, and while walking back over to my car I saw my helmet on top of it. I know that I THOUGHT I needed to and asked my GF to grab it, but at that same moment I was distracted by the windshield wipers on my car and wondering how the hell that happened. I got so distracted by this that I apparently didn't ask her to do anything with the helmet. In my mind, I had already processed asking her though. So, continued on. \n\nDrove off and a few hundred feet and one turn on to a main street later, my helmet, which meant a good deal to me, is trashed. \n\nWhile this tune is familiar, it has finally hit home for me. So, I'm seeking advice. Any others with similar issues? Good workarounds?", "answer": "I can definitely say that I have been in a situation or two like that. Out of curiosity, do you recall how the helmet ended up on top of the car? Hope I am understanding the mental picture correctly :)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60gk6e", "comment_id": "60gk6e"}, {"question": "Has any medication helped your emetophobia?", "description": "I have a meeting with my psychiatrist next week to decide if I should start new medication or not. I really don\u2019t think my current medication is helping me with my intrusive thoughts. Does medication work for any of you? I need some hope right now because my emetophobia is debilitating.", "answer": "Medication can be a huge pet of treatment especially when added to therapy. I\u2019d encourage you to look into exposure therapy for emetophobia it could really make a big difference.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "jl7q5u", "comment_id": "jl7q5u"}, {"question": "I am convinced I [23m] have been unforgivably abusive towards my girlfriend [23f] and don't know if I should break up with her. I have posted our text conversation in this post.", "description": "https://imgur.com/a/zJAwUEo Split into four parts, here is the text conversation I just had with my girlfriend.\n\nOne key component in our modern understanding of consent is that \"yes\" isn't always sufficient. Consent has to be wanted. It has to be enthusiastic.\n\nLast year, when I first started dating my current girlfriend, I would ask her if I could touch her in some ways or if she could touch me in some ways. She would always say \"okay\" or \"alright\". I would sometimes ask if she was sure and she would say \"go for it.\" She claims she was consenting every time.\n\nI knew she was sensitive about her breasts being touched, but the fact I didn't want to stop touching them made me feel like perhaps I was being abusive. I justified it as \"she's doing it for me\" which somehow made it okay. I was being selfish and, from a certain perspective, being abusive.\n\nOnce, I asked her if I could finger her. She said \"maybe later.\" So I asked, knowing she'd be more likely to say yes, if we could both get nude. She said yes. I then asked again if she was really sure to which she said yes. I thought I had perfect consent. I once asked her if I could feel her heartbeat through her breasts, actually me just wanting to touch her breasts, to which she said yes, which was deceptive.\n\nPossibly even r*pe.\n\nIn yet another situation, I kept dating her, even though I wasn't feeling that attached and knew she probably liked me a lot more. I went as far as having mental backup choices for when this relationship failed. I even kept getting sexual with her, which could even be ass*ult by deception.\n\nIn fact, in all of these situations, I thought I had perfect consent. I would not have done anything I didn't think wss\n\nI confronted her about this and asked her why she always says \"alright,\" to which she replied that she's \"debating if she really wants it.\"\n\nI was mortified. If she has to debate it, that's not enthusiasic. Any sense of doubt is not enthusiasic consent. I've been getting \"consent\" for everything I've done, but I'm wondering, have I really?\n\nThroughout this quarantine she's been helping me and consoling me, but that's being even more toxic.\n\nI can't take it anymore. Every time I talk to her, I have a panic attack over me technically r*ping her or at least indirectly attempting to do so. I've been avoiding her texts sometimes. I have panic attacks daily\n\nBut we're quarantined and I don't want to stress her out more than she already is\n\nTL;DR: My girlfriend seems to consent to things she's unsure of, which means I've been abusive this whole time? And I've been possibly ass*ult? I have to breakup with her, but I don't know how.", "answer": "I'm confused , she said multiple times in those texts that there is no problem and she doesn't perceive it as anything wrong. \n\nWhat about spending more time discussing sex before you try something new ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g4du2c", "comment_id": "g4du2c"}, {"question": "I [26/F] have been seeing a [43/M]. He told me he usually dates younger women. Is this a red flag?", "description": "The experience of dating someone 17 years older is new to me, especially since we are seeing each other regular and talking. He told me he has dated younger women in the past, the woman before me was a year younger than I am. I saw on a reddit post some time ago that a man that does this could be a red flag. Can someone explain why this may be a red flag? He doesn't have kids and has never been married.", "answer": "the red flag would be: will he lose interest when you're older", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vdqko", "comment_id": "5vdqko"}, {"question": "Should I continue with my Law minor if I don't plan on making a career out of it?", "description": "I'm starting my second year at a Liberal Arts university. My major is Business Studies and until now I was planning on minoring in Law and Psychology. \n\nI'm sure that after graduating I will not be working in any capacity at a law firm or a place where my law knowledge will be required.\n\nThe reason I chose Law is that I felt it's always good to have a knowledge of the legal system. Besides, our Law faculty is top notch.\n\nIf I ditch the law minor, I will still attend the classes and absorb information. The upside is I will not have to spend time writing a dissertation and sitting for the various exams etc.\n\nI don't want to drop business or psychology. \n\nThanks for reading so far, please help me out.", "answer": "What would you like to do after university?\n\nA lot of university is about gaining transferable skills that can be used in many vocations. You might find that law provides some of those skills depending on what you would like to do long-term.\n\nIf you are anything like me as a student, you might be at risk of not attending law classes despite your best intentions because there is no consequence. Also formal testing tends to focus the brain better and you'd probably learn more because of it.\n\nAgain, all this depends on your future aspirations.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "4vb8gf", "comment_id": "4vb8gf"}, {"question": "I'm [24/m] and need your opinion on something I want to try", "description": "Let's say there's that one girl in my class\n\nIf I message her on Facebook with this message : Hi i'm sorry to bother you. You were in my class and I found you pretty cute but I was too shy to initiate something. Feel free to reply if you want to meet for a drink\n\nIs something like this good or I will sound like a freak?", "answer": "this is good....but i'd substitute day time coffee instead of a night time drink", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "670x0e", "comment_id": "670x0e"}, {"question": "My mom is undergoing acute psychosis bipolar. Any info would be appreciated!", "description": "My mother\u2019s (55F) medical problems really started 3 years ago when she fell and broke her hip. Since then, due to complications, she has gotten 2 more surgeries related to her hip, with her most recent one taking place at the end of April. While the surgery went good, when my mother came home from the hospital this is where the problems started. A couple of days after she came home from the hospital she went back to her surgeon for a checkup - all went well and she was acting completely normal. Then the next morning she fell while trying to go to the bathroom and her incision from the surgery ended up splitting open. My dad said there was a lot of blood but once he got that all cleaned up and got my mom back into bed my mother was acting normal at that point and didn\u2019t want to go to the hospital. The next morning I guess my parents realized that they needed to go to the hospital to get my mother checked out. As I was not there at the time it\u2019s a little iffy on why they decided to wait that long but I don\u2019t know. As it is known because of Covid-19 no visitors are permitted into the hospital, so at that point my father just had to drop her off and we have been communicating with hospital staff over the phone ever since then. \n\n\nAt some point during that first day, and everyday since then, while she\u2019s been in the hospital my mother has been acting really weird and not normal for herself. The nurses told us that she has been arguing/yelling at people that aren\u2019t there in the room, she currently thinks she\u2019s in Argentina for some reason, she thinks me - her 25 year old daughter is now 8 months old and I\u2019m dying of something. She\u2019s talked about random things/arguments that have happened in the past and even has said stuff about \u201cblack magic\u201d. She has bitten thru her IV twice now that I know of. They have even had to resort to tying her down to her bed because of how combative she has been. Just as a side note: my mother has always been an eccentric person but NOTHING like what is happening right now is normal for her. We told this to the doctors and from there they started doing tests on her (CT scan, MRI, etc).\n\n\nAt first they said she was experiencing \u201chospital delirium\u201d but after all the tests the doctor told us she\u2019s undergoing acute psychosis bipolar. They started giving her antipsychotic medications that will help for some of the day but then she will go on what I refer to as a \u201cdownhill slope\u201d where she\u2019ll slowly go back into the \u201cdelirium\u201d aspect of the hallucinations and paranoia. She also developed 2 infections in her hip since being in the hospital. I\u2019m not sure if this could be a contributing factor to her behavior.\n\n\nThis has been going on for almost 3 weeks now. I haven\u2019t been able to see or speak directly to my mother since she\u2019s been in the hospital. She has left voicemails on my parents house phone that are just so disturbing to hear from your mother. She sounds so scared and in distress one moment then it switches to making total sense the next. All I want to do is help her. I really think if she were able to see a familiar face then that might help but because of Covid-19 that can\u2019t happen right now.\n\n\nI\u2019ve read that something like this (acute psychosis episode) can last up to months but is there anything that could maybe lessen it? Could the infections from her hip have contributed to this episode? Is having multiple surgeries a contributing factor as well?\n\n\nI\u2019m really just looking to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or any info about acute psychosis with bipolar. Anything would be much appreciated!", "answer": "There's a lot of really questionable assessments and advice thrown around here.\n\nFor a woman at 55 with no previous psychiatric history, sudden psychosis of any kind is highly unlikely, and it's medical until proven otherwise. In this case, they landed on the most plausible diagnosis, delirium, early on. I have no idea why anyone would say \"acute psychosis bipolar\" and I suspect that was miscommunicated somewhere, because that's not even a reasonable medical phrase.\n\nDelirium due to serious infection is more common than is often recognized in hospitals. The hallmark of delirium is \"waxing and waning\" as the patient sometimes gets better and more like her normal self, and then sometimes out of it and sleepy or confused, angry, and agitated.\n\nWhen patients are agitated, antipsychotics are used to manage agitation, but they don't do much to reduce delirium itself. That takes time and treatment of the underlying cause (infection, for example). More inflammation, such as from surgeries, can also contribute, as can pain, pain medications, and a number of other medications used in the hospital. Antibiotics might be necessary, but a number of them can cause and worsen delirium themselves.\n\nIt's heartbreaking to see, and it can be something that medical and surgical teams seem weirdly blas\u00e9 about because it's seen so often in hospitals with acutely ill patients. When the medical problems are better, the delirium starts to get better. The longer it lasts, the longer it can take to get fully back to normal. Thinks weeks and months, not days. But it does get better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gio36y", "comment_id": "gio36y"}, {"question": "Whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "I believe edmr stands for Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing\n\nI know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc \n\nCan someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?\n\nIt would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "Just a note that this is VERY controversial in the field currently. \n\nFrom APA Division 12 (Clinical Psych): \n\n\"The theoretical basis for EMDR is that PTSD symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. The bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. The efficacy of EMDR for PTSD is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. On one hand, studies have shown that EMDR produces greater reduction in PTSD symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. On the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing EMDR to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. Thus, it appears that while EMDR is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. If EMDR is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of EMDR is beneficial for patients and the field. However, proponents of EMDR insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for PTSD. In any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding EMDR will lift.\" https://www.div12.org/treatment/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/\n\nFolks who support EMDR as a MECHANISM (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "fp81zw"}, {"question": "Anti-depressant prescriptions without ongoing appointments?", "description": "I think I'm mildly depressive. It runs in the family. I'd like to be prescribed a set of mild anti-depressives and go for a follow-up after an appropriate length of time, at which point the script could be made (semi-)permanent if it was working for me.\n\nHowever, it looks like in order to get anti-depressants I need to go to a psychiatrist, have multiple evaluations, hours worth of appointments, weekly sessions, etc. The first guy I saw started asking me about my relationship with my mother. The next place I called wanted 3 appointments before any script. Is this really what it takes to get mental health drugs? Is it possible to just go a doctor (psychiatrist or otherwise) once and get a script for a trial?\n\nage: 34 \nsex: male \nlocation: usa \nheight: 8'9\"", "answer": "The preferred treatment for mild depression isn't anti\\-depressants, it's therapy. Therapy takes more time and effort from you, and it can be more expensive. The evidence that medications help in mild depression is scant at best, though; the evidence for psychotherapy is robust.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pnjbq", "comment_id": "8pnjbq"}, {"question": "I do not think I have Aspergers", "description": "So what I'm told is that while I was being born my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. From what my parents told me when I was younger I would just point to stuff I wanted and squeal and I did not start talking until later in life. I know that I had a learning disability from the very beginning of school and I was diagnosed with one in kindergarten. I have been really shy my entire life but I did not start to have panic attacks until I hit puberty. My parents told me that it was suspected that I had Aspergers. I was officially diagnosed last year but I do not feel like the diagnoses process was accurate because the guys that diagnosed me did not ask me any questions all he did was ask me like 3 and then just talked to my parents, my parents also agree with me on this. I'm 16 now and I really want to know what I have I don't think it is Aspergers. ", "answer": "diagnoses don't mean anything. They're just classifications used by therapists so they know how to best treat the symptoms. The other commenter is absolutely right, the diagnosis doesn't matter, just the symptoms.\n\nAspergers doesn't exist anymore, because the DSM-5 changed the autism spectrum. It's possible that you would have symptoms that fall under a mild form of autism.\n\nBut again, it doesn't matter. Don't let labels define you. You aren't autistic and you aren't Aspergers. You're a human being with mental health symptoms. If you want those symptoms treated, see a mental health professional. If not, just continue living your life.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4ijlxf", "comment_id": "4ijlxf"}, {"question": "Am I schizophrenic, is it weed or is it trauma? Please help!", "description": "I'm sorry if this is really long, I don't want it to be convoluted but I just need some advice on where I am right now. \n\n\nI'm twenty years old; I experienced some trauma growing up, I won't go in to too much detail but there was domestic violence in the home, one particularly intense event that meant we had to pick & leave the house overnight, and subsequent family & financial issues that had a big effect.\n\nI hear voices inside my head sometimes - they speak gibberish and say things that do and don't have anything to do with whats going on. Sometimes they're voices I recognise from life but there aren't any characters or anything. They don't tell me to hurt myself or others. It's strange, like my brain is tuning in to different people's conversations, almost. (in my mind, it's not auditory)\n\nOccasionally, I think I see things that aren't there - but it's never full blown hallucinations. It's like I think I see something, but when I double take I realise what is really there. I also have hypnogogic experiences (not very often though) in the night and when I'm waking up. There are a lot of intrusive thoughts and images too.\n\nI'm full of so much doubt that I really can't tell what these symptoms and problems really are. I don't know if I'm just getting anxiety over things that aren't really a big deal. \n\nIt was a big deal for me to realise how \"not right\" my life might've been, and a few trips to doctor's just invalidated things I was feeling. They didn't take me seriously. Although I also really struggle to be honest and confident in talking to people, so maybe I didn't really explain to them properly. \n\nI only really started to process and notice these things a year or two ago but I've been experiencing it since my early teens, although they have slowly gotten more noticeable. (I also struggle with a lot of other aspects of depression, anxiety etc. just for context.)\n\n\nIs this schizophrenia? I'd be so grateful if anyone could shed some light on what I am experiencing. I really haven't found a lot about this kind of thing from the internet research I've done. I smoke weed medically and recreationally, and I know experiences were happening before I started. Is this just an impact of the cannabis? I know sharing this will change answers, but I genuinely use it in a medical way to deal with my other mental health issues and it's the most effective thing. Especially when Doctor's didn't offer me much help. \n\n\nI'd be so so grateful for any advice or comment though, I've felt pretty lost in this since I struggle to talk to anyone about it. I just want to know if I'm going to end up in a psychotic episode, and risk hurting myself or others.\n\n\n\nTL;DR - 20 year old trauma survivor hears voices, sees things sometimes, smokes weed. Should she worry?", "answer": "Hard to say without knowing you better, but my money is against schizophrenia and more towards your trauma history. Might be worthwhile seeing a psychologist? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76j5qd", "comment_id": "76j5qd"}, {"question": "How to I tell my therapist I don't want to continue seeing her?", "description": "I've been seeing her for about 2.5 years now, somewhat on and off for various reasons (financial and/or going into higher levels of care). I really like her, but for the past year I've only been going once every 3-5 weeks because I lost my job and insurance and that's all I can afford. She mentioned a sliding scale a while ago but I REALLY don't like the thought of that. At the moment I'm functioning pretty well, and I'm having to tighten my belt and the $130 every few weeks would really help to put towards other things. I also have access to brief, free counseling through my school if I find I need the support. \n\nSo how do I go about that conversation? I see her on Wednesday, so I was thinking of sending an email on Tuesday saying I still want to see her the next day, but not continue after that. I'm just afraid I will get too scared to bring it up in the session - I've intended to say something the last two times. ", "answer": "I think exactly what you wrote here is a great way to say it. \n\nEmail the day before is also a really good idea too", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ba66ay", "comment_id": "ba66ay"}, {"question": "My rock bottom", "description": "I thought I could do moderation, but I can't. Last night, I woke up at 3am in my car with no idea how I got there. I'm scared. Im starting complete abstinence. Please, any words of comfort would help.", "answer": "It will get better, but if you didn\u2019t go what you\u2019re going through you probably wouldn\u2019t have the motivation to stop. The pain is necessary, but it is also temporary.\n\nEdit: \u201cThe pain is necessary, but it\u2019s also temporary.\u201d I think I may have to copyright that shit.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs48ry", "comment_id": "cs48ry"}, {"question": "Wow totally forgot I had concert tickets tonight", "description": "And I really wanted to go to this show :/ \n\nThanks ADHD, you\u2019re always here to waste my time and money ", "answer": "I thought I had weeks to plan for a babysitter. Turns out the concert is in three days so I've had to rush it which wasn't my plan.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akktk4", "comment_id": "akktk4"}, {"question": "Just broke through to a student in a way I never thought I would.", "description": "I'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there. Anyways, I've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid. He's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically. He's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.\n\nAnyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: \nhttp://www.welovefine.com/849-2002-large/just-got-20-cooler.jpg\n\nI'm not a Brony and I don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but I knew this was my way in. Some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and I thought of a way to quickly bond with this student. \n\nI assigned group work and while I was walking around checking on the groups, I walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"Bro-hoof\". He gave me a fist bump and I swear his face lit up brighter than even I thought could be possible. He smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student. It's so crazy to see how a fist bump (Bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory I've had to learn to be a teacher. \n\nLife is funny. \n\nEDIT: Thanks for the kind messages and Reddit Gold!! ", "answer": "It's nice to see teachers taking an interest in individual students' performances. You are a great teacher. Keep it up.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "1gnxpy"}, {"question": "Disulfiram.. A shortcut to sobriety?", "description": "Mentioned earlier I've been drinking about a half 1/5th daily for the last few years.. Tried stopping many many many times.. I'm now on day 6 and even went to an open bar last night for a friends party and drank water.. Usually I would still be drinking from the party last night but today I'm sober..\n\nI ordered Antabuse online and after having it for a few months and having gone a few days sober (getting active alcohol out of my system) I finally decided to take one..\n\nWhat this does is make you seriously ill if you have even few drops of alcohol. You actually have to stay away from cough medicines, mouthwash or anything containing even traces of alcohol or you will become very sick. (the precautions and side effects are well documented)\n\nEven after you stop taking disulfiram it will stay in your system for up to 2 weeks.. So, 1 disulfiram = 2 weeks sober..\n\nThe most difficult part was actually taking that pill knowing I would not be able to drink for 2 weeks.. \n\nNow that I've taken it, I am actually seeing alcohol as the poison it basically is.. Honestly it could have been a sugar pill and I would still feel the same way but I do not want to test it.. If you read the reactions people have drinking after taking disulfiram you will understand why..\n\nAnyway, I wanted to see if anybody else has gone this approach and how they feel about it. For me, I wish I had done it sooner.. The choice of not drinking is not even a question now.. The only variable now to my drinking will be if I can continue to take it every 2 weeks.. Even if I don't continue, at least its given me some space to guarantee sobriety while my head clears from the years of abuse I've put it through.\n\nPlease note this is absolutely not medical advice and it's best to talk to your doctor about it.. I simply want to share my experience and see if anybody else has more long term experience with it.", "answer": "Low dose or standard dose naltrexone has better results and isn't so violent to take. Look into the Sinclair method or just naltrexone for alcohol cessation. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5hgryh", "comment_id": "5hgryh"}, {"question": "Emotions", "description": "Don't ge tme wrong. I love most emotions, I don't even mind the occasional anxiety and fear. However, it is when these things go on longer than you want them to that they get really, really annoying.\nHow many of you would get a ctrl+alt+del function for yourselves if you could? ", "answer": "My ctrl+alt+del is taking a deep breath and telling myself that it's okay to feel my emotions completely... works like magic. Sorry if it sounds cheesy.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14tj1x", "comment_id": "14tj1x"}, {"question": "Anyone ever have a cyst rupture?", "description": "I've been diagnosed with PCOS for almost a year. Recently, I had what we thought was a sinus infection and was prescribed amoxicillin. Turns out it was a cold, but I finished my antibiotics. The antibiotics then caused me to have a yeast infection. This will be my last night on monistat. Two-three days ago I started to bleed. I'm really concerned because this bleeding is nothing like I have ever seen before. It's not the normal color of my period and doesn't have the normal odor like a period blood does. It's bright bright red, almost a pink red like it's active bleeding. I thought it might be my period, I'm just concerned about the abnormal color and consistency of blood. I know that antibiotics can mess up your cycle, not that I have a normal one anyways. I've read that cyst ruptures can sometimes mask themselves as a period.... my questions are: has anyone experienced anything similar? Should I be concerned? Did my cyst rupture? And what should I do because I'm freaking out \ud83d\ude2c", "answer": "10+ times and even had an emergency appendectomy.... which was not needed because it wasn't even my appendix, it was a cyst that ruptured and the CT scan was a mess so they took me to an OR immediately. Really disruptive to my life. I'd do almost anything to make them go away but nothing I've tried so far has worked. Had my first at 15 and I'm 28 now. If it was an actual cyst rupture... you'd know. I can't even speak the pain is so white hot. \n\nHonestly this sounds more like endometriosis to me. Call your gyno for sure. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "60y6cg", "comment_id": "60y6cg"}, {"question": "Has anybody been to one of these Marijuana Anonymous meetings?", "description": "If you have been what are they like? Did they help?", "answer": "I personally was unable to quit using until I started attending meetings. I didn't quit right away, I needed a little time (a few weeks or so) to check it out and see if it would feel safe. The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit using marijuana, and some would say that that desire does not even have to be 100% either. I felt very welcomed, not sure what area you are in so your mileage may vary, but I've been to meetings in other states and also attended an MA world convention and always felt welcomed. Since then I've also started attending other 12 Step fellowships, but MA has always felt like where my \"tribe\" is at, and I would not have everything I have in my life today, starting with my sobriety but eventually including much more, without it.\n\nI suggest you go, tell people you're new, listen for the similarities between your experience and that of others, and don't sweat the god stuff. If the first meeting doesn't feel good, try another. I have also tried refuge recovery and SMART recovery, you might look to see if one of those is in your area. Feel free to PM me with any questions you have.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4ugdwo", "comment_id": "4ugdwo"}, {"question": "Talking about love life in therapy?", "description": "I was wondering if anyone on here has ever been to therapy and talked about your love life with your therapist. I can't get it out of my head how doing so is just going to be uncomfortable for both of us and it won't really help me at all, despite how I want someone to talk to about it. (Just fyi it isn't some sort of urgent scenario such as an abusive relationship, just generally struggling) Has anyone here done this and got anything productive out of it? Or anyone having any sort of opinion or experience on this topic with a therapist I'd appreciate hearing from. Thanks!", "answer": "I just think this is so important to do... but yes, can feel awkward as the client. It shouldn\u2019t be uncomfortable for a therapist though. \n\nThing is, life is all about relationships\u2014romantic or otherwise\u2014and so therapy is, at its core, about relationships. Romantic attachments (or lack thereof for whatever reason) are a huge part of that for most of us. Unless a therapist has some kind of specialty that somehow doesn\u2019t allow for talking about sex, he or she should be perfectly comfortable discussing and examining their client\u2019s love life. \n\nThat doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it won\u2019t feel weird at first for you, but at least you should be able to put the therapist\u2019s comfort out of your mind. \n\nAnd if you\u2019re still feeling unsure, why not just ask: \u201chey, is it okay if I bring my romantic/sex life into the conversation? I have some concerns that I feel it would be really helpful for me to talk about,\u201d and let him or her put you at ease right then and there. :)\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8595rr", "comment_id": "8595rr"}, {"question": "does anyone know of anywhere I can go for help with social skills in the UK?", "description": "I have really really bad social skills. Talking with new people, making friends, talking to work colleagues even talking with my boyfriend. Yes I have a boyfriend and I have no idea how that happened.\n\nDoes anyone know of any help classes/therapists etc available for this problem in the UK? i really want to have some friends.", "answer": "You can start with online resources, like the ones in the /r/socialskills sidebar :) Or google for counselors or therapists in your area.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "107u9c", "comment_id": "107u9c"}, {"question": "Should I try to get therapy?", "description": "I've been struggling with bits of loneliness, depression, and some anxiety. I took a test online that said I had extremely severe depression and anxiety, and severe stress. I mean, just look at my post history. IDK what to do, should I try for a therapist?", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. If you are feeling depressed it will absolutely help to see a professional.\n\nIf you're not sure where to start, you can:\n\n\\- ask your doctor\n\n\\- if you're in school, see if they offer counseling services or can refer you to someone, or\n\n\\- hit up Google and find therapists in your area - there's also a site called Therapy Den that has a helpful search tool you can use. If money is an issue, look for low-cost or \"sliding-scale\" options.\n\nBe aware you may be put on a waitlist if that therapist has a lot of clients already. It's also okay to switch therapists if you don't feel like you're getting along with one, but try to stick with it for a while - it takes a long time to notice a difference, and you have to be willing to be open-minded and possibly change up some things in your life if you can. Good luck!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "casx7s", "comment_id": "casx7s"}, {"question": "it\u2019s okay if you need to take a break", "description": "no matter what race you are, it\u2019s okay to sign off for a while and look after yourself. the world is stressful and the anxiety with it is uncontrollable, but your health is the most important in times like these. stay safe <3", "answer": "I did exactly this for the last two weeks. I texted my boss and told her I would not be coming in for another two weeks. I never gave her a reason but it was completely do to my mental health being in the trash. My first day back was this past Monday and i'm feeling so much better. I value my health over my work", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "gv9rta", "comment_id": "gv9rta"}, {"question": "I'm a 19/F getting to know a guy I used to have a thing with, but there is another girl in the picture--But I think he still likes me? I need insight?", "description": "I met a guy and we had a liking for each other. I was very depressed at the time and I had things to work through. I was abused as a kid, and that just all came back and I had to deal with it, and I told the guy about it openly, and he told me about his abuse story. This was the first of its kind--the first time I had every told anyone about my issues and same for him. Even though he had girlfriends in the past he said he was the most comfortable with me. We went our separate ways and I decided to better myself. Towards the end of my university year, I still felt a bit sad about what happened between us as I felt he got the wrong idea on my character being I was so depressed and clingy. So, I decided to message him. \n\n\nWe never got to know each other in depth before. He asked me to hang out and stuff again and I said sure, but we haven't yet. He said it was tough to be close like we wanted because when he's with his lady friend she sees our long messages and gets annoyed and pissed. He kept saying I was the \"only person to this day\" he ever told his story to \"because I instantly connected with you and knew I could tell you\" and I said that its not fair to keep things from her just to be my friend, and when they end things we can be closer.\n\n\nI didn't want drama at all, but it hurt we couldn't be close because of her and I didn't say this, but I might kiss him again or like him so that's why I also said we cannot be close with her around. I just told him that if he had to hide something from someone that it wasn't a good sign, ending it with the fact that he was obviously going to choose his lady friend over the 19-year-old girl he kissed once in a car and he simply said \"I feel so guilty and shitty.\" What do you think of it? Why is he acting this way/is so guilty? Is a lady friend a hookup buddy? Because he had told me prior he isn't good to committing or trusting and only trusted me, and she isn't girlfriend material, more of a hookup party, drama girl. Opposite of me. I know I'm doing the right thing I'd presume, it feels right to let it go for now.", "answer": "He still likes you. She's in the picture. Keep living your life. Ball's in his court. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aodmf", "comment_id": "6aodmf"}, {"question": "Lost and confused.", "description": "So , just recently my GF and I of 14 years split . We had our normal ups and downs over the years. \nOver the last 4 months, she lost her job for stealing , I caught her texting multiple guys, multiple times , and finally just hit the wall where I couldn't take it anymore. \nI cant be around her because I am completely crushed, and destroyed. Though I have tried. Most of my stuff is still at the house we shared. I cant bring myself to even go get anything. \nI have slept a few hours in the past few days, I can barely eat , and can hardly keep anything down , relying mostly on soda for calorie intake at this point. Smoking way more than I should and drinking every few nights just to be able to pass out and get some sleep. \nSeriously having a hard time picking myself up , not even sure if I want to . At this point all options are on the table .", "answer": "Sounds rough. Breakups suck, but it sounds like she\u2019s not someone you want to be with. Better to end it like you did and then work through the pain of it. You will be much better off when you get on the other side of it. In the meantime crank \u201cNo Love\u201d by Eminem and Lil Wayne and say fuck her.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c81bkr", "comment_id": "c81bkr"}, {"question": "Is ADHD caused by a chemical imbalance.", "description": "Hello psychiatrist of the world, I\u2019m an 18 year old child suffering from ADHD, depression and anxiety. To be quite honest my life is spiralling downwards to suicide. However I have reached out to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I was tested and was told that I definitely have ADHD. I was wondering the causes of ADHD and there is a lot of conflict on what the causes are, so my question to you is that is ADHD really caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain? \n( please try to answer as simply as possible as I am not the most knowledgeable or understanding at the moment) and please answer?", "answer": "The biology of psychiatric disorders, including ADHD, isn\u2019t well understood. \u201cChemical imbalance\u201d is definitely a gross oversimplification when it isn\u2019t outright wrong.\n\nPerhaps a useful question is what helps. Even if ADHD isn\u2019t caused by a problem with dopamine or norepinephrine signaling, medications that increase those reduce ADHD symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjc3dy", "comment_id": "cjc3dy"}, {"question": "No morning wood for months.", "description": "I am 15 male I weigh 69kg. I use nicotine and benzodiazepines for anxiety when im stressed. So I noticed that since spring I wasn't having morning wood. My erections were fine when I was in the mood, but I still wouldn't get morning wood. I went to my doctor told her about it and they took a blood test. Apperantly I am low on carbs, fat and sugar. I started having a better diet, I put more carbs, fats and fruits in to my diet. Its been a month and I still don't have morning wood. Should I be worried?", "answer": "As long as you aren\u2019t having any problems with erections while awake, don\u2019t worry about morning wood. \u201cNocturnal penile tumescence,\u201d as it\u2019s technically known, occurs during sleep. If it lasts into waking you\u2019d notice it, but it\u2019s normal to sleep through it and not know it happened.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j4uss8", "comment_id": "j4uss8"}, {"question": "I'm currently hiding in the bathroom at work bc I can't handle being a person today", "description": "I can only do this a couple more minutes before my coworkers start noticing how long I've been gone. And that will just add to the shame I already feel. Been feeling pretty useless lately...\n\nSorry, I know there's not much you can do for me or say, just wanted to post in a candid moment. ", "answer": "First of all throw that word cant out the window. You can, and will make through today as a person. If you say I can't it feels harder than it is.\n\nSecond, I do that all the time. Don't feel bad in the slightest. The bathroom is my special place because it's isolated and no one will bother me. Regroup in there when you need to, say you arent feeling as well and go as often as you need without garnering more unwanted attention to yourself. Before you know it it will be over and you can self care all night ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "au88d4", "comment_id": "au88d4"}, {"question": "Regarding social anxiety, does anyone else feel like you make huge progress and soon afterwards much of it fades away again?", "description": "It's so frustrating, I just can't seem to hold onto my achievements. Last week I was so happy, confident and content with myself... It was really magical and I was pretty much euphoric every day I woke up in bed. I felt that I finally realized that I'm a cool guy and that I'm worthy of being accepted and loved. Now since yesterday, my thinking is very negative again. That deep connections with the people around me I felt just days ago feel fake, I don't like who I am, ect.\n\nI'm just sick of it... Why can't I really interalize the stuff regarding confidence and self-love? I'm struggling with it for so long now and I want to break free of these chains I put myself into.", "answer": "As social animals we need connection to others on a variety of levels. Group therapy can help maintain these connections and remind you that we need others on an on going basis for our emotional health and that\u2019s a good thing. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "89y22n", "comment_id": "89y22n"}, {"question": "I am so depressed it physically hurts", "description": "When you get that real low down feeling, and your body is aching all over, your head is fuzzy and heavy. The fatigue sets in.", "answer": "I just finished a book by the research psychologist Roy Baumiester, titled \u201cthe power of bad\u201d. In it he recommends using over the counter pain reliever for emotional pain. I found that a combination of ibuprofen and Tylenol really helps. I take two Tylenol with 600mg of Advil and it diminishes the pain of my girlfriend breaking up with me and my son\u2019s serious mental illness. I also am reaching out to loved ones for their support. By speaking of my pain, I disidentify with it. It\u2019s more like a broken leg, something I have rather than who I am.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "k2z9aq", "comment_id": "k2z9aq"}, {"question": "Life support question?", "description": "I am new to reddit. I read the requirements, but this isn't a question about myself, its about my grandma. If it isnt allowed here, before deleting can someone please let me know where I can ask? \nMy grandmother is 87. She has been sick for a while and she has now gotten very sick and is on life support. She isnt coming back this time :( I live in NYC. And she lives in TN. I am not able to go to TN until December 20th due to military obligations. Could they wait to pull the plug until I got there? I really want to say my goodbyes. Even if she cant hear them, just for my peace. Thanks in advance. ", "answer": "This is a question about legal and hospital policy rather than healthcare, so I don't think we can answer. If your grandmother is on some kind of life support (ventilator?) and your family decides to withdraw care, they can usually make that decision when it is best for family.\n\nI'm sorry for your family. That can be a very hard situation and very hard, sad decision.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4wlkn", "comment_id": "a4wlkn"}, {"question": "SO BORED!", "description": "I'm going crazy because NOTHING is interesting me. It's been like this for days and I don't know what to do. I have over 20 video games and I can only stand to play 1 for a few minutes before I become overwhelmed with boredom. I don't want to be creative. I don't want to listen to music. I don't want to scroll through Facebook or Reddit.\n\nI just don't know what to do!\n\nI am really hungry though, no matter how much I eat.\n\nWhat is going on??? Anyone else know what this feels like? I'm going crazy.", "answer": "Read a book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8tmmzc", "comment_id": "8tmmzc"}, {"question": "Should I tell my councillor about my constant harmful thoughts?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started counselling with a school councillor if you look on my past posts things haven\u2019t been to great and I have been suicidal for while now a lot I think due to constant thoughts of hurting myself I\u2019m not sure about telling her because I don\u2019t want to be sectioned I\u2019m not sure what to do atm", "answer": "The hard truth is you may need to be sectioned. But you also might not. Just being suicidal in and of itself isn\u2019t reason to section someone. (At least in the US). If you can\u2019t comity to keep yourself safe or resting the thoughts thag is. Being hospitalized is scary but it can be an important ste in recovery if people need it. The bottom line is that you can\u2019t expect to get better without someone really knowing your full symptoms. Would you go to a doctor with 5 physical symptoms and only share 4? No? Right. Because you would possibly get incorrect treatment. Mental health is the same way. You can recover if you trust the process and are open and honest about how you feel. I know it is scary but people care about you more than you know.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hb11ok", "comment_id": "hb11ok"}, {"question": "Those of you who have had depression for a long time, does your depression change? Or has it always been the same?", "description": "When you go in and out of a depressive cycle, does it seem like it is darker than the previous one? I've had it for about 7 years now, and it seems to get shittier each time ", "answer": "I have had depression for about eight-ish years now. It comes & goes, so it's not consistent. I'll have days at a time where everything is great; I'll be sad but nothing that lasts for long. But then I'll get into deep runts that take me a while to get out of. I bounce back pretty quickly for someone with depression however.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "12didi", "comment_id": "12didi"}, {"question": "How do I ask my doctor for a therapist and what should I say? How do I find out what kind of therapist I need and how can I convey this to my doctor?", "description": "You can read this post for more info https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/fw8gxw/how_do_i_know_if_i_am_a_pedophile_or_it_is_just/\n\nI made a post on this subreddit about a month ago asking about being a pedophile and I learned about POCD. I don't know if I'm a pedophile or have OCD but I know I really need a therapist and I think the only way to get myself to ask for one is to ask my doctor but I don't know what on earth I should say to them. How would I find out if I need a sex specialist or an OCD specialist? The last thing I would want is to finally get the courage to get a therapist and end up wasting a whole lot of time because it doesn't help or I get misdiagnosed or I get the wrong therapist. And since I don't know what kind of therapist I need, how would I bring it up to my doctor? What should I say to them?", "answer": "I want to start by saying that a lot of the online diagnoses you got in your first post were inappropriate and nobody could accurately diagnose you with OCD or pedophilia based on what you posted. \n\nDef tell your doctor you are struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety related to sex . Any psychologist can talk to you and then determine if you need some specific treatment . You may also be appropriate for psychosexual assessment .\n\nIf you , do , in fact, have pedophilia, which I'm not sure you do , a sex therapist would not be the right specialty. There are specific programs for paraphilias and sex offenders (I know you said you haven't offended) and these are very effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwah7s", "comment_id": "fwah7s"}, {"question": "Frustrated with therapy, last therapist may have molested a patient, current therapist never talks. What should I be looking for?", "description": "I'm trying, really really fucking hard, to 'get better'.\n\nMy last therapist probably molested one of his patients and lost his license.\n\nMy current therapist, 2-3 months in, barely says anything. I've told her that this infuriates me and makes me feel like I'm unable to make any progress if I'm the only one talking. She's asked me what I expect to get out of therapy and I tell her I don't fucking know, I go because 'thats what you're supposed to do'.\n\nI've been in and out of therapy since the 4th grade, I'm in my mid 20's.\n\n**What am I supposed to be looking for? Am I wasting my time?**\n\nIs it normal for my therapist to not say anything, offer any insight, or give me any coping? Am I not giving her enough information despite talking nonstop for the full hour?", "answer": "It depends on the therapist and the type of therapy that you agreed upon. Many forms of therapy involve \"active listening\". It may be uncomfortable but necessary - after all it's not meant to be a chat over coffee. Nevertheless, if it worries you I think it would be perfectly valid to discuss this at length with your therapist. Only then should you consider switching if both feel that the therapy is not in your best interests.\n\nHow do you know that the other therapist molested a patient?\n\nEdit: there's a difference between talking for an hour and talking about your feelings and emotions for an hour. Obviously I don't know you, but you might want to consider which you are doing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4x6k09", "comment_id": "4x6k09"}, {"question": "[23/F] Husband [24/M] talking to girls and lying about it.", "description": "I'm [23/F], I recently caught my husband [24/M] sending texts and calling girls - no problem. Problem is he is going to great lengths to delete each text and call from the log (not deleting to save space - leaving old texts from months ago on there, immediately deleting texts from these girls). \n\nMy question is, is there ever a reason you would do this that doesn't mean I'm being cheated on? I directly asked him if he was doing it before ever checking his phone, and he denied it. I checked his phone only as final evidence, and caught him. I already caught him in that lie. How can I trust him that nothing is going on, if I know he directly lied to my face about that?\n\nMen of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\n**tl;dr: husband sending texts and calling girls, deleting logs and texts, asked him about it, he lied.**", "answer": "> Men of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\nYep. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "yfpqj", "comment_id": "yfpqj"}, {"question": "How can I tell if I have ocd, or if I'm just fucked up. 13 male with t1 diabetes", "description": "will provide details if anyone decides to respond.", "answer": "Well maybe you should tell us why you think you have OCD (which I bet you don't)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sbx0b", "comment_id": "6sbx0b"}, {"question": "Dont know what to do, more depressed than ever.", "description": "Ive (24) been with my boyfriend (30) for a year and 10months today. We are living together (for a year) and we only have sex twice a month and this has been going on for 10months now. \nEven in the beggining in our relationship we had problems. After a month of dating he already started accusing me of cheating even thought I never did. (Hes been cheated on 3times) But I fell inlove with him fast and decided to pull trough. Lots of fight, accusations and him wanting to break up. And I did everything not to let it happen.\nAfter I moved in with him the fighting died down a little, but was still happening. After a while I didnt care if he wants to break up so I started fighting back. And he said he would change. HE DID.\nHes not making accusation, not fighting with me.\nWith that our intimacy died down aswell, the heat, romance in our relationship. And he says hes happy, like he doesnt see the problem. I tried everything, sexy underwear,i compliment him, thank him for helping out, buy little stuff for him. And ever since he got his new phone hes been on it, playing. Now we both work a lot and have little time for each other.\nNow im the one whose suspicious (mainly because i found a picture of his ex crush on his phone), insecure and feeling unattractive.\nI waited 10 and counting for our intimacy to get better, but i dont know how long i can wait. Also he changed for me i dont want to crush him and i sill love him after all the s+it he put me through.He claims he loves me too and wants to spend his life with me and hes even saving up for my ring etc.\nI just dont know what to do anymore.", "answer": "you need couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63lry1", "comment_id": "63lry1"}, {"question": "Why stop vitamins after D&C?", "description": "Sex: female / Age: 30 / location: NY, US/ Smoking or drinking: no. \n\nWe recently lost our twins and had to do a D&C. \n\nI noticed in the aftercare instructions that it says to stop taking my Prenatal Vitamins. Is there a reason why? \n\nI thought the vitamins would help with recovery and overrall health?", "answer": "There is no reason to take prenatal vitamins outside of pregnancy. Vitamins don\u2019t overall help with anything unless treating a specific deficiency, which is fairly rare.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ff5m2w", "comment_id": "ff5m2w"}, {"question": "Reading body language", "description": "A friend of mine (28 f) and I (24 m) have been working on themed cosplays for about a week now, hanging out every day from when we get off work till before bed. She and I have been friends for about a year, and 2 weeks ago it finally clicked that I have feelings for her. \n\nShe has a boyfriend...\n\nShe and I are both honest people, so I know she won't do anything relationship related with me unless she breaks up with him 1st... and I would do the same. \n\nThing is... We have been spending a LOT of time with one another. Cooking, crafting, and just generally hanging out. Alongside her boyfriend. She has been laughing at things that most people find annoying about me (I think...) and so I feel like she at least kinda likes me. Then today happened. \n\nWe were hanging out for most of the afternoon because some friends canceled group plans. Her boyfriend was out hanging with them, and we opted to work on costumes. We haven't been alone more than 3 times since we became friends, and this was the he 1st time it was just the 2 of us all day. About 3 or 4 times throughout the afternoon she and I would make eye contact randomly, and I would catch the faintest glimpse of her winking. Until the last time when it was super obvious. No context for the winks, and they didn't even seem sensual. I'm not sure what to think of those... what do you think?\n\nTL;DR: Girl I like who winked at me 3 or 4 times with seemingly no context.", "answer": "If it doesn't read as sensual then it's probably friendly, because you're posting about it because you want it to be sensual, even though you know it wasn't cause you said so. \n\nSo it was friendly, and you should probably start dating other people, because this isn't the one. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dydad", "comment_id": "6dydad"}, {"question": "Girlfriend broke up with me and need advice.", "description": "Hey guys, my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. A little background story:\nI'm away in a different town for college, and so is she. We met at the beginning of school and hit things off. We have been girlfriend and boyfriend for quite some time now and i thought things were great. Until, she called me one night and broke up with me. Reason : She said that she still had feelings or thinks she still loves her ex boyfriend. She dated this guy for 2 years prior to us and broke up with him about 2 months before we starting seeing each other. She told me that she broke up with him because she felt that she didn't love him for the last 3 months of their relationship and only thought of him as her best friend & because she was moving away to college. The thing is, I'm new to serious relationships and would consider this girl my first love. Honestly I believe I have become addicted to this girl, actually addicted. She is always running through my mind no matter what I do, sometimes distracting. She told me she loved me before I did actually, it was a pretty big deal and I love her too. Everything has been going great for a while but she said that she felt guilty having feelings for 2 people and was nostalgic of her past relationship. She did not want to hold on to me, even though she loves me or if she feels this way towards 2 people. She felt guilty and didn't want to hurt me in the long run if those feelings never went away for her ex. She said she had to be selfish and wants to be single for a while to figure things out. Now, were both back in our hometowns away from each other and I'm pretty sure she's going to hang out with him. Well actually, I am sure she is. Hanging out with him is just going to make her love him more. She says she's not going to be with me or him. Which makes sense since he lives far away also. Do i just forget about us ever getting back together or move on? The only thing keeping me thinking were going to get back together one day is all the great memories we had, how could she just throw that all away?\n\nWhen we are together we are so good together and the love is there so how could she feel this away about him again? I understand they had a long relationship, but she doesn't see him ever so how do those feelings come back? \n \nI just do not understand how she can regain that love for him when she has been with me the whole time and have been hitting things off. \n\nSee, in my head I still feel like we have something that shouldn't be thrown away so fast. I want to get over her but theres still a part of me telling me to hold on. I always question myself whether she really loved me or just had really strong feelings for me. How could she just throw me out of her life like that if she truly loved me? I understand she felt guilty and had to be selfish but so many questions go through my head. I'm not sure whether I should just move on and really try to get over her or hold on a little bit.I have been struggling for the past week with anxiety and just pure sadness that everything we had is over and was a waste. Honestly, I have gained some type of obsession over all of this constantly putting bad thoughts and situations in my head, just needing answers. I always continue thinking about the good memories and miss them so god damn much. The thought of her hooking up with people hurts me so much. Part of me says to not talk to her and she will realize what she lost and miss me but the other part tells me if I don't talk to her she will get over it. Simply, \" distance makes the heart grow fonder\" or \" out of sight, out of mind\"\n\nAnother dilemma is, when we go back to school I know were probably not going to get back together right away(if we ever do) and I will have to see her hook up with other guys at parties. We go to the same exact parties every single weekend because we have the same friend group, it's unavoidable, trust me. I want to hook up with other girls in order for me to get over the break up and not love her anymore but I just can't seem to find the interest in any girls but her.\n\nI don't know what to do and need some advice. I would love for some pure honesty, whether it hurts or not, I need it. Or if this same situation has happened to anyone. \n\nSorry this is long but thanks so much.", "answer": "the best way to get over someone is to cease contact. otherwise you're constantly pouring salt on a healing wound.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3lwc", "comment_id": "5m3lwc"}, {"question": "I (23m) and my gf (20f) have a sexual imbalance issue", "description": "I think we have a normal amount of sex. Usually 4-5 times a week or more. But 9/10 times we do, I last for nearly an hour, and she climaxes early and loses a lot of enthusiasm. She starts to say she's tired, or that it's starting to hurt, so I'm forced to stop before I can climax. She will use her hand in most cases, but most of the time it ruins the mood for me and we just go to bed. We don't have morning sex as much as we used to, but last night I woke up at 1 and asked her if she wanted to have sex, and she was fine with it, albeit tired. Once again, I couldn't climax.\n\nWhich brings me to another point: She never asks for sex. I always pose the question or allude to it. She is definitely sexually attracted to me and enjoys it. I believe this might just be her shyness. \n\nTrust me, she's loyal. She cries at the very thought of upsetting me. I think we have a strong relationship. It's more just that I'm afraid her extreme shy nature and loss of enthusiasm is going to lead to more tension. Any advice?", "answer": "An hour? My dude, that is asking a lot. I once read the average time a woman prefers for intercourse is 11 minutes, and I concur.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7kezjz", "comment_id": "7kezjz"}, {"question": "Suicidal, want to know what to do", "description": "Hi,\n\nI have borderline personality disorder and I tried to kill myself last summer. I got better, and then I have been getting worse and worse. These past couple days I have been having very bad panic attacks or manic episodes (not sure what exactly they are, sorry) and I think a lot about killing myself. I don't have a solid plan yet, but often I just get very close to driving on the other side of the road. Last night I started cutting again. \n\nI am on antidepressants and have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about different ones or a higher dosage. I have been thinking about going to a mental facility or hospital but I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I can't miss too much of it or I would have to start the semester over (I'm in Education). What goes on in the hospital if I were to admit myself? How long is the average stay for something like this? I understand it's completely a person-to-person thing. \n\nAt this moment I don't want to die but I will again soon and I am afraid that my time is coming to a close. I'm sorry\n\n", "answer": "If you are suicidal tell your doctor. Hospitalizations these days are typically briefer and just for stabilization. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1u9td9", "comment_id": "1u9td9"}, {"question": "[20/F] The guy I'm seeing (24/M) isn't forthcoming when it comes to serious talks? Also, I think I love him?", "description": "So a bit of background:\nI haven't been in a serious relationship before, had a few casual teen romances, nothing much to comment on. As far as I'm aware, he's only had one serious relationship, I don't care about the booty calls or casual hookups he's had.\nWe've been seeing each other for about 10 months and its only for the last 6 or so months that things had started to develop into something more, and only about 2 months ago did we have a (rather drunken and immature) chat about being exclusive to one another. \nWe have a great sex life and he makes me laugh and buys me food etc, and I really enjoy spending time with him. When we cuddle in bed he says cute things like \"I get to cuddle and wake up next to my girl\" and that puts a stupid big smile on my face, but we haven't really sat down and discussed what we think this relationship is. I don't even know if he classes me as his girlfriend or just a girl he's seeing.\n\nThe problems now are that every time we see each other he wants sex, which is usually fine because our sex drives are really, really high, but I'm in the middle of stressful study and my libido is dropping off. I'm just concerned about the impact of that on our relationship.\nSecondly, any chats I try to have with him about anything remotely serious he gets very awkward and closes up, doesn't offer any information or discussion unless I press him for it. Like anything from job prospects to why his last relationship ended (that was particularly awkward). I'm just not sure if this is a standard \"bloke\" way of handling things or what.\nLastly, I think I love him, but because of him being so closed up about discussing anything serious I'm scared to tell him. I also was the one to initiate the relationship and make most of the steps along the way, so I'm also concerned that I might be pushing this along and he's more \"going-with-the-flow\". \n\nI don't know, like I said earlier, I'm completely inexperienced with relationships and all of these emotions are so overwhelming, on top of my stressful studies I just feel so confused. Any help, opinions or insights are hugely appreciated.\n\nEDIT: He also took my out to lunch with his family and we spent the afternoon shopping, and his mum talks to me by my nickname and first name, and he takes me to hang out with his friends when their doing a group thing with their partners. I think I made it out to seem a lot worse than it really is.\n\nEDIT #2: Update, we had a serious talk and I know he tried harder this time to talk more about what he thinks and feels, and now we're in a official relationship! I think I just needed to encourage having the discussions a bit more in the end :)", "answer": "Given the timing and your ages, I'd encourage you to just chill ... so long as you enjoy eachother's company, and the lack of relationship definition doesn't eat you up inside. Some people absolutely require that, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Sounds like you'd *prefer* a more concrete talk, but don't want to lose the relationship over it. And it really hasn't been all that long.\n\nSometimes, you don't need to force a move if everything feels ok. My opinion, anyway.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3il128", "comment_id": "3il128"}, {"question": "It's me again, the chick with C Diff. Still.", "description": "My info hasn't changed but here it is again:\n\n31, woman, Oregon. Have had C Diff since March this year. Currently taking sertraline, amitriptyline, propranolol, promethazine and zofran.\n\nMy previous post(s):\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/8qg8tg/more_problems_with_my_adventures_with_c_diff?sort=confidence\n\nJust an update for those who were concerned or helped me with advice previously. \n\nAfter that last post, I was sent to the ED by the Infectious Diseases doc because she thought I had appendicitis. After eight hours there, they said my tests looked great and no signs of appendicitis. \n\nThe I.D. doc told me she can no longer help me because, in her words, \"we followed textbook procedure and the only way you'd still have the infection is if you were the unluckiest person in the state.\" She referred me back to my PCP.\n\nMy PCP this morning ordered me a same day stool test to check for a current C Diff infection. They just called and told me I am positive, and my doctor is \"very surprised.\" She is referring me back to I.D.. \n\nI've taken every antibiotic for this including Vancomycin, Flagyl which I'm horribly allergic to, and most recently Dificid. If anyone has any guesses as to what they'll do next, I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thank you all for your hard work, and then for taking the time out of your insane schedules to help strangers on the internet. Seriously, thank you all.", "answer": "As someone said in response to your last post, it may be time to look into fecal transplant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8t4xg5", "comment_id": "8t4xg5"}, {"question": "How do you stay motivated to work on a long-term project?", "description": "This has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. I take on a lot of projects, go hard for the first day or weeks, and then I get bored, frustrated, or overwhelmed, and then I set it aside. This is why my home is cluttered with unfinished projects, my desk is littered with papers and sticky notes everywhere, and I have an agenda filled to the brim with way too many tasks. \n\nI realize that neurotypical advice for project management doesn't work well for me. (For example...Set milestones...ok, well, I put milestones on my calendar and the reminders ding but I ignore them since my calendar is overloaded with meeting reminders.) \n\nWhat are your motivation hacks for long-term projects? ", "answer": "Break it into small parts :)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2d72c", "comment_id": "b2d72c"}, {"question": "Just got put on Strattera. How the hell am I supposed to get through this for the next 4 weeks?", "description": "It's only the first day (40mg) and I feel like I'm just a walking talk box. I have zero emotion most of the time, and when something does happen I feel like it was either my fault or something bad is happening. My personality has basically vanished to zombie form. I understand it takes time to do what it does, but holy shit this is tough. The only thing I ever feel like doing is going to sleep or just resting in general. My leg muscles are tight and my hands are so clammy. How did any of you manage this?", "answer": "I started on generic Strattera (40 mg 1x/day) on Wednesday, so I'm on day 4. I'm a 28-year-old male, 5'8, and ~150 lbs. \n\nThe things I've noticed: \n\n* Tingly scalp\n* More fluctuations in feeling hot/cold/feverish (without a fever)\n\nOtherwise, I haven't noticed a lot. \n\nHere's what I've been doing every day, and maybe one of these things would be helpful to you:\n\n* Eating *something* before or right after taking the dose (I take in in the morning). If you search /r/ADHD, many will recommend a full stomach, but I've never liked eating breakfast, so I've just had a banana each morning and haven't experienced nausea\n\n* Keeping a large Yeti or Tervis tumbler full of ice water with me most of the day and drinking it constantly. I don't normally drink water very often, but I read this could be helpful, and I'm guessing it has been. I've been peeing more often, but otherwise it's been good for me.\n\n* I've worked out (not very strenuously, I have some severe chronic illnesses) every day since beginning it; however, this was a habit I had already formed prior to starting Strattera, so it wasn't something new I needed to add. Today I will be a rest day, so I'll know later today if that's problematic.\n\n* Honestly, I've continued to consume coffee twice a day (because that's what I did prior), and haven't noticed any issues.\n\nEmotionally, I haven't felt much different. Maybe a little calmer with less chatter/\"background noise\" in my mind, which I appreciate. I hope you're able to stick it out and I hope you won't be discouraged by the mixed reviews found here of experiences with Strattera. However, if you find it too overwhelming or the side effects to be too much, please contact your doctor; they should be understanding and willing to figure something out for you.\n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7wjfsu", "comment_id": "7wjfsu"}, {"question": "Do you feel (platonic) love for any of your clients?", "description": "So I've had my therapist for 3 years. I come from an abusive mother who attempted to take my life, and I was homeless from 17 to 20 becauae of it. I am 22 now and came to my therapist when I was 19. I now have a boyfriend, an on a lease, and graduate a year-long software development program in two days and will likely be receiving an offer for my first career-level position making 52k a year. My life has taken such an enormous turn.\n\n\nI owe SO MUCH of it to my therapist. I remind her of this. She's validating, calls me out on my shit and is so so wise and smart. She has tactfully led me into so many epiphanies that would have taken years of me struggling to get on my own. And I love her so, so much. She's even coming to my graduation Thursday and frequently tells me how proud of me she is. I don't know if I've ever told her but I'm sure she knows that I love her so much(if I haven't, I'm alright telling her then). She's like a super cool aunt, and regularly checks on my finances( not in an invasive way, she just wants to make sure I'm making good decisions), will have me come in for another appointment in a week rather than every other week if she's particularly concerned about me, and often tries to help me plan my future. I ran into the owner of the practice she works at by chance two years ago and she offered me free therapy as long as I needed after a heart-to-heart about my hardships, and I've been with my therapist since. \n\n\nWith all that rambling said (I could go on about her, honestly), do therapists typically feel warmth and affection like this towards their patients? Or are you all taught to stay distant? I know I'm only a year or so younger than her own children, so I'm sure this is a part of it. But my therapist has never crossed a line and I trust her with my life, because truly, she's saved mine.", "answer": "I care deeply about my patients and there are some that leave more of a place in my heart than others. Love? I don\u2019t know that I would use that word but it\u2019s definitely a deep affinity.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgspyj", "comment_id": "cgspyj"}, {"question": "I'm 19 years old and may be coming into some money, giving me the chance to go to college. What direction should I take my schooling?", "description": "First off, i'm typing this up from mobile and don't know how to tag or if this is even the right place for this so if a mod could help me out I would appreciate that.\n\nQuick backstory, I have been working since before graduating high school and never gave much thought about college because it was something not very possible given our financial situation. My mom approached me the other night telling me if I had the opportunity to go to a trade school or away for college, would I be interested. Now, right off the bat I was hesitant. She didn't explain where the money would be coming from, but insisted I give it some thought. \n\nI work in a bank right now as a teller, getting ok money but the stress and strict routine drive me nuts. I love working with computers, and programing has always been an interest, but still don't know what I want to do for a career. My current manager told me about her nephew who troubleshoots computers for a living and can do it remotely, meaning he can go into his office or take a laptop with him anywhere he goes and get paid overtime for that. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a window or cubicle, but I still want to work with computers. \n\nSo my question to all of you fine people is, what kind of job do you have that is similar to what I mentioned (that you enjoy doing), and what kind of schooling did you do to get there? I appreciate any feedback.\n\nTLDR: Mom implies I can do whatever I want for college. Still not knowing what career to go into, I'm looking for a job based around computers that doesn't tie me down to a cubicle, and what kind of schooling that takes.", "answer": "You dont have to rush into a decision - you could try some night courses whilst you work to get a feel for what interests you or not.\n\nUltimately most people enjoy their job when they get good at it - so it might not be what you do but how you do it.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5kyp7h", "comment_id": "5kyp7h"}, {"question": "I just did a load of laundry without putting the laundry in.", "description": "update: that happened yesterday.\n\ntoday, i set the dryer to medium when i only need to set it to small.\n\ntime to get back on adhd meds", "answer": "Haha I am laughing because I did a load of laundry only to realize I put the softener in with the load and put the detergent in the softener dispenser.....very confused when I ended up with very soapy clothes after the rinse cycle", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9aro7e", "comment_id": "9aro7e"}, {"question": "How many people have you \"shut out of your life\", or stopped speaking to before they could leave you first, and how long did you not speak to them?", "description": "I am currently trying to put some space between me and my FP, which is actually not that hard because he rarely speaks to me anymore. I just feel like he thinks that I either don't like him, or that I'm not interesting anymore, that he thinks I'm too much work to keep being friends with, or just simply annoying. \n\nWe used to talk every day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, but he has kind of put me aside. He talks to other people now and when we hang out it's just awkward and he can get kind of mean. He makes me nervous, and we both often need alcohol to be our true selves with each other. I can get really quite when people talk about things rather than emotional stuff, and when I hang with him and my bf, they only talk about cars, speakers and other music stuff, or games I haven't played or aren't interested in, and I can't get a word in edgewise. I get cut off when I talk, the music I play isn't appreciated (he literally says it sucks) and gets skipped. I know that he sometimes goes over the edge when teasing me because he wants a reaction, but by that time I'm already emotionally out the door and can't come with a witty come-back or laugh it off, so it becomes even more awkward. \n\nLast time we hung out he randomly hugged me and asked me why I'm so unapproachable, and it just breaks my heart. Later that night we danced really intimately together after having had a heartfelt discussion about another friend of his, and I felt that we would get back on track after that, but no. He is frustrated, I get that, but for my mental well being, I just need space. \n\nSo. \n\nHave you ever been in a situation like that where you had to not be in contact with your FP or someone else, what happened, how did they react, and how long did you not speak for?", "answer": "I have burned many bridges\n\nYou can't cross them again", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "f5pj2v", "comment_id": "f5pj2v"}, {"question": "What are healthy alternatives to \"passing along the pain\"?", "description": "I'm a highly sensitive, emotionally intense man, who only wants to do good in the world, and just can't seem to integrate and be at peace with the way I've been mistreated.\n\nI've done some reading about authoritarian personalities and how human beings deal with interpersonal power and hierarchy in general. The basic gist I get is that when a person is chronically forced to say \"yes sir\" when they really want to say \"fuck you\", they bury their resentment and it turns into a craving to dominate others in turn, to \"pass along the pain\" they've been unfairly dealt, by unfairly making others weaker or lower on the hierarchy hurt unfairly.\n\nI am strongly, on principle, against either being dominated, or dominating others, and I don't see this changing. I've managed this by keeping as complete control as I can muster over whom I interact with. I'm very self-reliant, and would rather do something all by myself than ask for help from someone who's going to make the interaction into a power play.\n\nThat all changed when I went to graduate school, where I was treated very nastily by some of my teachers and trainers, whom I can only imagine were treated the same way when they were trained, and have become very practiced at saying \"yes sir\" when they mean \"fuck you\". The more I resisted being mistreated, the worse it became. I find myself now having obsessive, intrusive thoughts about the way I was treated, which can leave me seething with anger and resentment for hours to days. I just have no way to integrate such an experience. I refuse to find me some underlings or scapegoats to kick around, and the rational part of my brain tells me that going back to where I trained and confronting those people angrily will not turn out well for me. What other options do I have? How to mentally healthy, well adjusted people integrate experiences of being mistreated, without becoming mistreaters themselves?", "answer": "Now in no way am I trying to say that you haven't experienced mistreatment, but you seem to be very invested in being a victim and being able to identify as such. Where's that coming from? What are you getting out of it? In what ways is it helpful to you (it is helpful in some ways or else you wouldn't be doing it) and in what ways is it harmful? \n\nAsk yourself these questions and lastly try to figure out if there's some way you can have the same needs met that you're getting out of your victim identification without having to continue and thereby have to face the negative consequences as well. \n\nOn almost every reddit post I comment on I usually recommend talking to a therapist, but in this case especially I think it would be helpful. Every single one of us has blind spots that only an objective observer will be able to help us figure out. I think a good therapist would be able to help you with this.\n\nYou are not responsible for the mistreatment you've suffered. It's not your fault. How you react and how you live your life after the fact is and always will be your responsibility. Continuing to blame others will only keep you stuck. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zfgdw", "comment_id": "7zfgdw"}, {"question": "Is it weird to ask your T how they're doing?", "description": "I have been seeing my therapist for a little while. My T starts sessions in silence, like an open thing, and I hate uncomfortable silence, so I always start our sessions by asking \"So, how are you?\" It is a thing I ask virtually everyone I interact with, but the first several times (and sometimes in more recent sessions) I started our sessions this way, my therapist seemed really hesitant and confused, and usually just says \"I'm okay. How are *you* doing?\"\n\nMy question is: Is that a weird thing to ask my therapist, or am I over-analyzing this? I feel like 1- Maybe not a lot of people ask their therapists this question 2-My therapist only usually only ever says \"Okay\" as a way of not only not focusing on them, (which has been an issue with me in the past with my former therapists, where I would not want to talk about myself, and we would spend the session talking about them, although that is a thing I have not brought up with my current therapist). 3- I sometimes will want distance in sessions and will ask random \"brain\" questions (Like, \"Why do brains sometimes react \\_\\_\\_ to a situation?\", and I'm pretty sure that's a thing my therapist has caught onto/maybe does not want to start our session that way?\n\nI sometimes get the overall feeling that it's... weird, but I think that's just maybe me being overly conscience. All help/comments appreciated. Thank you, I hope you have a great day!", "answer": "I don't think it is \"weird .\" Exchanging pleasantries is pretty normal. It is the therapist 'a responsibility to not go on about himself. \n\nI often give a brief response like:\n\n\"I'm doing well.\"\n\"I'm really enjoying this beautiful weather. \" \n\"These times have been hard for everyone , I'm hanging in there. \"\n\nThen switch back to the client . This is YOUR time , and your therapist wants to focus on you .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g28ez4", "comment_id": "g28ez4"}, {"question": "Writing the MCAT in under 4 months", "description": "This process will probably be the most rigorous and difficult undertaking of my life so far.\n\nIf I want to go to Med school then it does not matter how well I do, it only matters how well I do relative to the other people taking the test. I know how smart and capable some of these people are and i need to show that I am at the end of that curve <2%. \n\nMy goals for this period of time closely align with our shared goals for NOFAP\n\nWe want to be above that curve, better than the general population, it is a rare thing to do, and we suffer, and we learn discipline, we go on morning runs, do pushups, take cold showers all just to fight the urge. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nNow I am fighting every urge at every corner like they are my enemies, the urge to look at my phone, the urge to take a break, the urge to fall asleep, the urge to watch a show, the urge to go on reddit, the urge to eat junk, the urge to FAP.\n\nI have to beat the other test takers, but most importantly the battle takes place within. If I do great on the MCAT or not so great, I want to look back at those 4 months and think that if I had to redo them that I worked as hard, and as long as I reasonably could, and that I will not wish for more time come the exam. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nWhen it comes to fapping we often wish we could have back those days we decided to look at pornography instead of doing something productive. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThe time is now, make an excel chart of your days over the 15 days, put in some rest days, don't overdo it. Be reasonable. Make these weeks the most productive of your life, but first you must have a reason to start!", "answer": "YEAHH go get it!! great message", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "gefxbj", "comment_id": "gefxbj"}, {"question": "I still love my abusive ex from 3 years ago", "description": "TLDR at the bottom\n\nI met my ex (let's call her Jane) in highschool back in 2009. We hit it off fairly quick and started dating after only knowing each other for a couple months. We dated consistently for 7 years after that.\n\nWe fought a lot, but I never thought it was more than the average couple. It wasn't until I started seeing a therapist in early 2018 that I realized exactly how emotionally abusive Jane had been towards me.\n\nShe would consistently hit below the belt. She would take every opportunity she could to make me feel dumb, like she was superior to me. She would shame me whenever I made a mistake, making me feel 10 times worse than I already did. She would make me feel like I didn't belong around her friends by always talking shit about me towards them. Her friends would tell both Jane and I that she was too good for me. \n\nShe would constantly shift blame and try to make me feel bad for anything that ever happened between us. Somehow every problem in our relationship could always be traced back to me and I had no way of arguing against her sheer ignorance and lack of logic. She lives in a world where she is never wrong.\n\nIt's safe to say that our relationship was mostly held together by our sex life. This was the aspect of our relationship that had the least issues. This was also one of the only ways she showed me affection. She didn't like hugging or cuddling. She didn't like to kiss very much. She didn't like human contact. The only time I was able to be totally comfortable with her was when we were having sex, and that was inconsistent because she has a low sex-drive.\n\nShe cheated on me with her best \"male friend\". To make this more clear, me and this guy always had issues and she knew that. This was literally the worst person she could have cheated on me with. I shamefully forgave her, and tried my best to move on.\n\nOnce we were in college together things only got worse. She would go out drinking 4 nights a week and I was not allowed to come with. She did not like being around me when she was drunk, so I was told to stay home instead. Typically I would sit at home all night and pray that she didn't cheat on me. I honestly still don't know to this day if she cheated on me during those nights.\n\nIn 2014 we had a child together. She was still in college and I had dropped out to work full-time at a crappy job just so we could afford to support our son. After a year of trying to make it work as a family she finally left me for good. She moved 3 states away to distance herself from me and she took our son with her. Now I drive 8 hours to meet with her twice a month so I can see my son for a total of 8 days a month.\n\nJust to make things that much worse she lied and told her entire family that I hit her. This way I couldn't even talk to her family. These were people I had grown to love over the last 7 years, they were basically a second family for me.\n\nI still love her. I have every right to hate Jane, but I don't. I don't know why I still feel the way I do about her. I'm ashamed to admit this to any of my family members, they all treat her like she's the plague, and I know that she deserves it. I haven't even admitted this to my therapist. I just can't bring myself to get over her. There is nothing I want more than to hate her, but I don't.\n\nWe broke up 3 years ago and I still think about her every day. I still have delusions of Jane and I sharing a future with our son together. I hate myself for thinking these things. This is my deepest secret.\n\nTLDR: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years before she finally left me and took our son 3 states away. I can't get over her and I'm ashamed to even admit it to my family and my therapist.", "answer": "This is honestly a lot more common than you'd think -- you are not alone in this. If you google it, you'll see a lot of people with a similar struggle. I have been struggling with this a lot recently myself and feeling so much shame about it and the book The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes is so far helping a lot. ", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "apkc16", "comment_id": "apkc16"}, {"question": "How to find a mental health facility?", "description": "I really feel like the best thing for me right now would be to be put in a hospital or some kind of facility. I have no idea how to go about finding one, are there any websites or something i could look on? Do they cost a lot of money? Also some basic information on it would be very helpful.\n\nI live in Australia, if that helps anything.", "answer": "I can only answer very generally here as I practice in the US and am not very familiar with Australia's healthcare system. \n\nWhat I'm going to say is how things work in the US that I imagine are fairly similar. Inpatient Hospitalization is usually covered by your health insurance. On your health insurance card or paperwork there should be a website or number where you can get info regarding hospitals or providers in your area. \n\nWithout insurance, hospital stays can be very expensive (thousands of dollars a day) (though generally everything medical in the US is ridiculously expensive). \n\nIf you feel like you're at the end of your rope, feel you need hospitalization and can't figure out what to do, call whatever your country's emergency number is and discuss the issue with them. They should be able to help you out. \n\nIf not, but you're experiencing some mental health issues, consider seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist which your general practitioner should be able to refer you to if you don't know of any. At that point, they should be able to get you connected to a hospital fairly easily if that's what you need. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xxzce", "comment_id": "7xxzce"}, {"question": "hi...new here. Diagnosed with PTSD recently, realizing I can no longer work as a first responder. Struggling with identity and purpose.", "description": "Before anyone worries, I will spare the fine details of what brought me to this point, im not sure I even remember them all anymore. And yes i am seeing a psychiatrist and now a therapist too. Just needing to vent. I entered EMT school at 17. 22 now, paramedic, and the warning signs ive pushed off for years have caved in collapsing onto my life all at once. I cant pinpoint a specific event or memory that broke me. Theres too many of them. I re-live a different one every night, wake up to respond to \u201cphantom tones\u201d until i realize that im at home, and lately the nightmares have decided to creep into the daylight as i have begun having flashbacks (i think thats what they are). A child could be playing outside and scream happily but i wont understand that. Ill hear the scream and my heart races, i sweat, my hair stands up, im suddenly aware of everything around me, \u201cits happening again, not again please not another one\u201d as i rush out the door expecting to find the same sort of scene as the dozens that haunt me. I used to be so well-tempered. Now i lash out at people wildly and it makes no sense why. Ive lost interest in all my hobbies i once had. I have based my entire identity and purpose around my work. Ive given so much.. sleepless nights during 48 hour shifts, constant Tears that i held in until alone because I had to be strong for others in the most tragic of moments, ive been assaulted countless times by patients i was helping. Despite how much the field took from me i woke up every day with the feeling that some sort of God or higher power had given me this mission. That it was much more than myself and so with motivation i woke every day ready to \u201csave the world\u201d one person at a time\u201d. It felt good to feel like life had a meaning. To be unable to do it anymore has me so lost. Who am I now? The things i used to identify by i havent done for years nor have any interest in, my true personality is masked by symptoms causing me to act differently. What sort of life am I supposed to live now when i want for nothing else? I dont just feel lost, i feel utterly broken. Im not sure what to do but take my meds go to therapy and find hobbies as my doc has instructed..it all feels fucking pointless. I feel like i turned my back on the world. And yet ironically feel like its turned its back on me. Idk anymore", "answer": "Hey I appreciate you sharing this. I just wanna say I am a therapist that works specifically with first responders and what you describe is not uncommon, especially being a paramedic or EMT. Your job basically trains you to have PTSD. Repeat trauma exposures, alarms going off, disrupted sleep, situations that you often times have very little control over and a lack of closure on most scenes you run. \n\nGive yourself credit for getting on the right track and taking care of yourself. There is a job out there that is meant for your kind and generous soul, that also doesn't eat you alive. I know you are in therapy and I would encourage you to ask about specific trauma treatments like cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure, or EMDR. They can be really effective at addressing the consequences of repeated exposure to trauma and they are relatively short interventions (a few months) compared to traditional talk or supportive therapy.\n\nIm not sure if you are still working as a first responder but if you do and need a break while you figure out what to do next, it may help to transfer to a less busy station or a station that sees different types of calls that are more manageable ( ex: station near a nursing home, you see preditable issues, in a business district, etc). If you are in a city that has firefighters and medics in the same department, maybe transfer to FF work for the time being. \n\nAnd again, good on you for acknowledging how you feel. I see so many people deny it for decades until a major mistake or incident happens and they see how much of themselves they've given away. You can regain your life again and you've already taken such great steps. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "b4v4kl", "comment_id": "b4v4kl"}, {"question": "No energy, mood swings, depression. Undermethylation??", "description": "I've spent **over $1,500** in medical bills trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I spend almost every spare moment of time trying to figure this out and I get such mixed messages from so many doctors I am LOST on what to do.\n\nIm diagnosed with ADD, I have very high folate and vitamin b12 levels. I have high levels of EBV antibodies. I was on adderall from age 14 to 17. That barely got me by, but I can literally barely even hold a job anymore. (18yr, guy, 160lb \\~5ft 11in) I am depressed/low mood/extreme brain fog/mood swings most of the time, but when I am feeling bad I also usually feel bloated. I have very little appetite, and very increased thirst. I have moderate acne, severe eczema on parts of my hand. I have high histamine levels also, and am currently about to be treated for undermethylation with vitamins and Sam\\-E. But I want to make sure I am going down the right path for treatment.\n\nI feel like my diet plays a huge role in my problems. I went a month eliminating all sugar, gluten, and dairy. I definitely did not feel anywhere close to 100&#37; after that, but I felt better. I was able to function without stimulants, caffeine etc. I could get out of bed in the morning. Then I went back to eating some sugar, gluten, and dairy, and I feel absolutely terrible. I have read about leaky gut, candida overgrowth, SIBO and I know that can cause all of my symptoms also.\n\nWhat should I do from here? I honestly feel lost, every doctor I go to is telling me to do different things, and the current naturopathic doctor I have went to is putting me on the walsh protocol to help what he thinks is me being undermethylated. Should I try the supplements for undermethylation first, or should i test for gut problems also?\n\nIf I am feeling depressed, unable to focus, mood swings I am almost always bloated. I feel like I cant digest food. I KNOW I am not just experiencing depression or ADD, I dont need SSRI or adderall. I literally feel like my body is trying to tell me something is wrong but I dont know what.", "answer": "Let me join the chorus: you have been reading about pseudomedical \"diagnoses,\" which abound on the internet, and I would be very wary of a naturopath as a doctor, as their training is frankly limited and focused on pseudoscience.\n\nYou say you know what isn't wrong and what won't help. How? Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pmay4", "comment_id": "8pmay4"}, {"question": "Trust", "description": "I'll keep it simple. What do you do if you love someone but don't trust them after 2 years. Honestly...", "answer": "It's probably over if you don't trust someone after a much shorter period of time than 2 years!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76bq8d", "comment_id": "76bq8d"}, {"question": "AA meetings, any advice?", "description": "I have just passed the 12 weeks sober mark (woohoo) and I have been meaning to get to an AA meeting at some point over the next few days as I am really starting to struggle. However, I am terrified. Scared that I will be turned away for not belonging or being 'alcoholic enough' or I don't even really know what I am so scared of. I think voicing to a room of alcoholics that I am an alcoholic makes it so much more real. Does anyone here attend or have any advice or tips? Or telling me to woman up and just get on with it will also be useful. Thanks in advance ", "answer": "Go. I\u2019m an athiest introvert who has serious issues with AA, but it saved my life and I still go several days a week when I can. \n\nNo one is going to ask how much you drank to make sure you belong\u2014if you\u2019ve made your way there, what you will hear is \u201cwelcome home\u201d. \n\nLike any meeting of a family, it can be wonderful or fraught, but it starts to feel like the one place everyone understands, which is the powerful thing about it. \n\nIf you don\u2019t like the first one you go to, attend a few more at different times/places. Take what you like and leave the rest! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "71q36n", "comment_id": "71q36n"}, {"question": "I always get so excited when I make a new spacey mistake that I\u2019ve never made before", "description": "Kind of feels like unlocking an achievement. As long as there aren\u2019t any horrible consequences, the shit I do is hilarious. Yesterday I went into the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, got back up, and forgot to pee!", "answer": "One time I sat on the toilet and forgot to pull down my underwear and peed. It was quite a shock at first because I had no idea why it felt different than usual. \ud83d\ude02", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab17pz", "comment_id": "ab17pz"}, {"question": "Not drinking for the next three weeks, concerned I might be the most boring person on the planet.", "description": "Without getting into the boring details, my liver enzymes were high in the doctor recommended absolutely no alcohol for 40 days until they can retest them. I basically have a full month left, \n\nIronically, I also turned 40 two days ago.\n\n\nSo if I suppose there was ever a time to get my s*** together and go dry it might as well be now.\n\n*But oh my God I have no idea what to do with myself.* I have watched an obscene amount of football, I'm talking like 23 hours of football in the last 2 days. I tried dollar bill origami. I cleaned the house twice. I got these stupid reindeer horns for the cat. \n\nI know this is not a recovery sub and I sure as hell hope it never becomes one. but any tips for the next 30 days while I attempt to regenerate my liver?\n\n\nseriously. Anything.", "answer": "weed!", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "e4juyt", "comment_id": "e4juyt"}, {"question": "I'm the only guy in my college French class. Today was day 1 of classes. Almost no-one wanted to exchange numbers with me for study buddies / etc, presumably because they thought I was trying to just \"get their number.\" Thing is: I'm gay!!! What do I do?", "description": "Here's exactly what I said:\n\n\"Hey does anyone wanna exchange numbers in case one of us misses class?\"\n\nThere was already 7 students there when I asked, and only 1 even acknowledged that I had asked a question.\n\nI can still do well studying by myself but it's kinda annoying.\n\nEven if I were straight, that doesn't mean I'm automatically hitting on you...\n\nI texted the one girl who gave me her number (she's really pretty too which is kinda funny) and straight up said 'I think the other students thought that me asking for their numbers was a pick up line: I'm gay!!' within a general 'Hi this is (my name) I take decent notes and plan to be at every class so hmu if you need anything :)' type message.\n\nOtherwise though it's kinda odd. \n\nI don't have mannerisms typically associated with liking dudes, so my actions get misinterpreted frequently.\n\nBut in this case I feel like they're being kinda unfair. They shouldn't have to know I'm not straight in order to text me about practice problems. \n\nIt's not like I can climb through their phones into their dorm rooms.", "answer": "Make friends with them in class first. Chat with them while waiting for class to start, during projects, etc. Once they've warmed up to you a little more, they will be more open to exchanging numbers.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1v4396", "comment_id": "1v4396"}, {"question": "A bit of introspection update", "description": "One simple (okay, it wasn't so simple. It took years to make the change) and things are looking up. I found a good apartment in a senior complex (it will take a couple months to get a unit, but I need the time for cleaning up affairs). Finally got my credit into house buying territory. Still doing paperwork for the job, but I can't start until I move anyway. Bought a couple suits. Overall, things are going positive. I am happier now than I have been in years. Best of all, I am doing it myself. I am getting control of my life without therapy or a helping hand. It can be done, although I know it ain't easy. Don't give up. You just have to look inside you. Decide what is important to you and dump the baggage (don't be a litter bug.) I still have a long road ahead. I need to address those medical issues before bringing someone else into the picture, but my confidence is at an all-time high. I hope the best for you all. You've been there when I needed a kind word. Thank you.", "answer": "Wonderful update. Wishing you the best. Congratulations.", "topic": "MadOver30", "post_id": "crtvni", "comment_id": "crtvni"}, {"question": "3 year dry drunk. Just not drinking doesn't cut it anymore", "description": "My coping strategies aren't working as well anymore and my emotions are getting the best of me. I've started going back to meetings, but they just remind me that I'm a fuckup and failure. The other stressors in my life are off the charts and I'm breaking down. I cry and rage easily and sometimes seamingly without reason. I've got two small kids and a small business so I have to stay functional while also dealing with my underlying problems. I'm not in danger of relapse, but I need help moving forward in my recovery.", "answer": "If your meetings make you feel like a fuckup and a failure as you say, do you think a different type of meeting might be more helpful to you right now? Like ACoA if you had a less than nurturing childhood, SMART Recovery, or Refuge Recovery? I hope you find some peace soon.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "d4ncza", "comment_id": "d4ncza"}, {"question": "S/O was locked in a doctor's room for over 30 minutes", "description": "Hello all, this is not a conventional post as you might already have noticed. I think I will post this over at r/legaladvice aswell, so if any mod thinks this post does not belong here feel free to remove it and accept my apologies.\n\n\nSo my girlfriend had a OBGYN appointment this afternoon for some 'routine tests' following a miscarriage. From what she has told me she was escorted to an examination room (sorry I don't know the lingo so I'll just call it that) after a few words with the doctor he left and the door was locked behind him. She was trapped for over 30min despite banging on the door and asking to be let out. I believe that's about all the detail that is necessary for now. The medical staff insisted this was perfectly normal and not an issue at all. Apparently this is not the first time this has happened. \n\n\nMy immediate advice to her was to call the police and explain what had happened. I am no lawyer or doctor so I don't know the laws surrounding this type of thing but my intuition tells me that when somebody shows up by their own volition for an examination they cannot be held against their will and should be allowed to leave if ever and whenever they want to so long as no danger is posed to anyone. \n\n\nIf someone in the field could please give me some insight before I contact the police (because she refuses) it would be greatly appreciated.\n\nThank you", "answer": "It's false imprisonment, which doesn't sound proportionate to any particular risk. Never heard of something like this ever happening, assuming what you say is correct.\n\nIf the clinicians can't give a reasonable explanation, then it is indeed a police matter - but you need to be absolutely sure about the facts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57imtu", "comment_id": "57imtu"}, {"question": "Dating", "description": "I dated this girl last year for the first time and she did not want to go on a second date. Recently I am getting the feeling she would go out again with me by the way we talk when we see each other and I really would like to. So, should I ask her out again?", "answer": "nothing to lose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sp4bd", "comment_id": "5sp4bd"}, {"question": "A big step", "description": ".", "answer": "Well done. Do what fits for you to do this. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h91ku", "comment_id": "8h91ku"}, {"question": "Meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "But didn't! She asked how I was doing and I answered her truthfully.... But omitted what was really weighing on me. Idk why. She followed off of what I did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.\n\nWhat's really on my mind: I recently reconnected with someone I used to hookup with. He gave me a blank check for where to take things. I think?? I like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. So I've been fussing over how to handle things.\n\nI have a sense of how I want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. I even second guess the best manner to tell him what I have in mind (in person, or over text). In the end, I figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. So I switched to telling him I'd describe it to him later today over text.\n\nOverall I'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. It's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as I can tell (even if he's open to dating, which I'm second guessing).. whereas when I like someone I get super psyched out (if you can't tell).\n\nI'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). Which is why I've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" And if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. But intentionally dating is scary to me. For risk of rejection I suppose.\n\nI want everything to be chill but I'm just not. Chill. Lol :')", "answer": "Sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. If you were my client (I\u2019m a therapist), I might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. And figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure. \n\nMost people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. This is why things change. If people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. The other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. Let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the You you think they want. Am I making sense?\n\nYou may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then I\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. Best of luck! New relationships can be fun! You can always go in with I\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "ajw89w"}, {"question": "My [25f] mom [53f] isn't turning her life around and I'm not sure how to help. (x-post /r/advice)", "description": "A tiny bit of backstory for you: My mom comes from a family where depression and Alzheimer's is fairly common. Her mom has it and I think my mom is following the same path. In June/July of last year, my dad moved out after almost 30 years of marriage. A couple of weeks later, my mom kicked me out of the house, and I had to live VERY frugally in my new place for quite a while before I was up on my feet. I'm okay now, but she's not.\n\nOn December 29th, 2013, I got a call from my dad around 11:30 at night that my mom had tried to kill herself. She spent about a week in ICU and then was moved to the psychiatric hospital, where she spent a couple of months working on herself. While the goal for me, my sister [28f], and my dad [52m] was to get her to live with someone else (her parents, her sister's, etc), my mom's goal was to get herself healthy enough to just go back home.\n\nThat house to my mom is like a bar to a recovering alcoholic. There are triggers there. And that's why we didn't want her there.\n\nSHe's been going to therapy every week, group and individual, and she seems to be doing better. My sister and her husband invite her up for dinner ever Wednesday and she comes to my apartment for dinner every Thursday. My sister and her husband just bought a house.\n\nMy mom doesn't have a job. She lost her job while she was in the hospital because they couldn't hold her position for her forever. She's a nurse, and she worked at a retirement home. A job, mind you, that she had just gotten a couple of months after being fired from her previous job for being a no-call no-show too many times.\n\nMy mom has been out of the hospital since late February, early March. She hasn't started looking for a job. She hasn't tried to really do much of anything besides get on unemployment (which took forever to go through) and get on medicaid so she doesn't have to pay her hospital bills.\n\nWhile this may seem cold, I think that's the lazy way out. I think if you made that bed, you should lay in it. Now I have been helping her in other ways. Like the day or so after she was out of the hospital, I took her shopping. I bought her clothes and some shoes because she had donated all of hers to the local Goodwill. I buy her things she needs around the house (when the sump pump broke, I bought her that), I buy her dog food and dog treats for her dogs, and if we go out for lunch or dinner, I usually pick up the tab. So I'm not leaving her high and dry and having her fend for herself. She wanted to spend the little money she gets from unemployment on a stupid Kurig coffee maker, and I just recently got a promotion, so because I had the extra money, I bought it for her. I'd rather she keep that money for things like groceries and dog food.\n\nNow, my mom still isn't looking for a job. My parents are getting a divorce, but my dad will only continue to pay for her to stay in the house through the spring. She hasn't even lifted a finger to try and find a job. She is a part of some program where someone sends her job leads for experience and she decides whether or not she wants to do it, but she just doesn't take them. I think she's not taking the opportunities because she's being lazy and doesn't want to work anymore.\n\nI've decided I would take her in for a maximum of two weeks if she were to suddenly become homeless. But it would be hard for me, my boyfriend, and our three cats with her and her two medium to large sized dogs in a two bedroom apartment. We're waiting to see what else happens and if nothing else does in a couple of months, we're going to talk to my grandpa about her and see what he can do to help us.\n\nMy sister and I feel like we're being used and she's not doing anything to help herself, and I want to know what else I can do to help her, without upsetting her.\n\nTL;DR: Mom tried to kill herself and now isn't looking for any kind of job. My dad is paying for her to stay in their house through the Spring, and she just won't find any kind of work and I would like to know how to approach this with her. ", "answer": "I know that you want to help out your mom because she is your MOM however by continuing to pay for her stuff she has no reason to get a job if other people will just do it for her. Please do not feel obligated to pay for these things for her you cannot help her if she won't help herself. I understand that the depression is one thing and it's great that she is getting treatment AND your needs are also important here too. This is coming from someone who is a mental health professional who ALSO has a mother with depression/ BPD traits that make her suck the emotional energy out of me with every interaction. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2ariu9", "comment_id": "2ariu9"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Antihistamine Eye Drops", "description": "Is it safe to use antihistamine eye drops (in this case, Alaway) while taking Lamotrigine? For the life of me, I can\u2019t seem to find any information on this.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. There have been no symptoms. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "That's the kind of question that's better to get through whoever's prescribing. There's no interaction with common oral antihistamines, and I can't think of why there would be one with eye drops, but I've never had it come up!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m9zmk", "comment_id": "9m9zmk"}, {"question": "25 yo female finding it hard to forgive myself for horrible things that i did in a previous relationship. Advice?", "description": "I am a 25 yo female. My ex boyfriend was a bit emotionally abusive (also assaulted me during sex) and betrayed my trust so many times. However, can't forgive myself for things that I did. E.g. I got angry and shouted at him many times in response to him breaking my trust like talking to other girls sexually and being mean about me to his friends behind my back. He once told me he only slept with me because I seemed to want it which made me feel like I had pestered him. Again, although he had assaulted me a few times during sex I felt I am no better if I pestered him a bit too much. (I waited until later when he said he wasn't feeling it, we were I bed and I kept kissing him until he was horny - but he was kissing back! He didn't ever say no or push me away he just didn't seem as into it but we had sex anyway even though it felt a bit sulky :/) I just can't forgive myself. What do I do? My self esteem has taken a hit and I feel worthless and like a horrible pushy person. Is this response just a year of a gaslighting liar ex making me doubt myself, or are these things really as horrible as I feel they are? Am I never worthy of a relationship again? ", "answer": "toxic relationship. forget, move on, and make the next one different", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xdqch", "comment_id": "6xdqch"}, {"question": "Are these symptoms of PTSD??", "description": "Background: About 10 years ago i was raped at a party. 2 of my friends drugged me and proceeded to have sex me. My husband of 8 years is the only person i ever told about what happened that night. every time he asks me about it my heart races i get sweaty and i feel scared. its hard to describe. but i hate when he questions me. it hurts a lot that he wants me to relive those memories. \nanyway i just need some advice if these can be a sign of ptsd? \nRacing heart, sweaty, scared, loneliness, suicidal thoughts?? \nThanks guys!", "answer": "Psychology graduate student here. Those *can* be symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, but that alone is not enough for a diagnosis. So I'll tell you what I tell everyone who is worried they might fit the diagnosis: Please go see a professional. They'll be able to tell very quickly if you meet the criteria or not.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2ax2g5", "comment_id": "2ax2g5"}, {"question": "So, could someone explain to me what that difference between BPD and Bipolar Disorder is?", "description": "Hello all. I'm trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. The therapists and counselors I've been to don't listen to me that well, and I just want to know what is wrong with me. I've always been depressed, but I have had many other problems. Here recently I'm beginning to think I'm bipolar, but I don't know if that's all. As the title says, what is the difference between BPD and bipolar disorder?", "answer": "The moods in Bipolar disorder last for over 4 days. Also in BPD, the moods tend to be fairly reactive to events or situations while in Bipolar disorder heightened stress can set it off, but it tends to be consistent regardless of issues.\n\nMania and hypomania are fairly unmistakeable. Pressured speech, not sleeping for days, grandiosity, are in the realm of Bipolar disorder. At times mania progresses into psychosis. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "1jax0l", "comment_id": "1jax0l"}, {"question": "CBT vs. DBT? Where to go? Alternatives?", "description": "I was in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT, individual) for a year, and it didn't do much of anything for me.\n\nHow can I move forward? A psychiatrist I recently saw told me that I should consider CBT. I'm reluctant because it's another behavioral therapy and I have trouble implementing any behavior or habit in my life with any regularity whatsoever. \n\n*Could anybody give me advice? Is CBT a possible venue?*\n\nI'm also very afraid because I'm going back to graduate school in a week and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. I feel very little control over my actions or over my life as a whole. ", "answer": "CBT is a much more straight-forward form of therapy. It tends to cut out unnecessary fluff and get straight to the point.\n\nYes, there is a behavioral aspect-however it also deals heavily with the cognitive (your thinking) and encourages you to abandon distorted forms of thinking.", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "ywrm5", "comment_id": "ywrm5"}, {"question": "A disabled travel blog?", "description": "Ive been going through the process of booking a holiday, and all that that entails being disabled, and seeing as I love to write, I was inspired to write a travel blog from the disabled perspective.\n\nWould anyone be interested in reading something like this? \n\nIm thinking i will document the whole experience, thoughts, complaints, and offer any advice or help if i can.", "answer": "Interested.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "bcds39", "comment_id": "bcds39"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi viks79. How are things going for you now? Ive hit 6.5 weeks and i cant believe it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "I'm so lost after six months: How do I find the best medication for my ADD subtype (Vyvanse/Adderall causing extreme fatigue).", "description": "I don't know the technical subtype, but I have ADHD with extreme anxiety. I can't be around crowds, have responsibilities, or pretty much do anything without a full-blown panic attack if I'm not on my ADHD medication. \n\nI tried anxiety meds for the longest time, but they all made me tired, moody, and have serious brain fog.\n\nSix months ago I was diagnosed as Adult ADD, and that first month on 30mg of Adderall XR was a dream come true. I had\n\n- energy,\n- no anxiety,\n- focus,\n- motivation,\n- the ability to plan ahead (completely new for me)\n- the ability to socialize without overthinking it (also completely new for me)\n\nUnfortunately, for the next two months I was exhausted, unmotivated, and unfocused all the time. I thought it might be allergies, but treating those didn't make any difference with my energy.\n\nI switched to Vyvanse a little over two months ago, and again had a great two or three weeks. But now I feel exhausted, unmotivated and borderline depressed. I've tried lowering the dose, but that just gave me serious panic attacks. I've tried raising the dose, but that just made me even more tired.\n\n**Am I on the wrong ADD subtype for this medication? Should I try Concerta?**\n\n\nAnd I'll give you some more info before you post any of the comments I usually see on this subreddit. :)\n\n- I don't take a lot of Vitamin C.\n- I work out regularly\n- I eat well.\n- I've tried less carbs and more carbs; I've tried meds with food and without food.\n- I get plenty of sleep.\n- I've talked to my \"doctor\" (he's actually a physician's assistant) about this, but I only see him for 15 minutes every month and he always wants to keep me on the same meds at the same dose. ", "answer": "It sounds like there are several parts to your situation. There is an ADHD part, an energy vs depression part, and an anxiety part. \n\nAnxiety - Have you gotten therapy for managing anxiety, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or something along those lines? That could REALLY help manage the anxiety associated with not being on meds / meds not working as well. \n\nDepression - Consider getting treatment for depression, because it sounds like it may be playing a role in your situation. Depression and ADHD symptoms are sometimes difficult to pick apart from one another, and it is entirely possible (and not uncommon) to have both. Treating both conditions well is often the key to really feeling better. \n\nADHD and meds - it sounds like you do well for a little bit, then the effect wears out. This sounds a lot like building \"tolerance\" to a medication. You can't really stop that from happening - that's the normal physiologic response to stuff. Some people try to slow down developing a tolerance to medications by taking a day off ADHD meds each week -- talk to your psych PA about it, don't do it on your own.\n\nI think it could also be helpful to talk to your psych PA about trying an antidepressant again, along with therapy (NOTE: this would not be the same therapy as the therapy for anxiety, though the same therapist may do both). Maybe you didn't find an antidepressant that was right for you -- there's tons of antidepressants out there! Some people respond to some and not others, and psychiatrists have no way of telling what you're going to respond to until you give it a shot (though psychiatrists can take pretty good guesses based on the meds' side-effect profiles, family history, and your specific symptoms). \n\nSomeone in this thread mentioned wellbutrin -- it can be helpful for ADHD but for some people it can make anxiety worse, so that's something to be on the lookout for. \n\nTl;dr:\n\n* Consider talking to your psych PA about taking a day off ADHD meds each week \n* Consider therapy (like cognitive behavioral therapy) for managing anxiety\n* Consider therapy for depression\n* Consider giving antidepressants another shot\n* If you don't like your psych PA and don't feel like you work well together, consider finding a different provider", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "1pbv09", "comment_id": "1pbv09"}, {"question": "Are stretch marks common symptoms of PCOS?", "description": "Hello everyone. I'm 19 and I've been diagnosed this year with PCOS and with pituitary adenoma. Recently I've been developing stretch marks in my inner thighs and I want to know if it's a common thing to experience with PCOS or if it's unrelated and I should look for another cause. I'm not overweight, and my weight didn't change much this year. However my skin has become very weak and fragile, with a lot of cellulite and stretch marks in my thighs, it looks like it's aging prematurely. I want to know if it's common or not. And if so, what are the treatments available and how effective are they? ", "answer": "I definitely have stretch marks, but that was thanks to gaining 80+ pounds in six months at the onset of PCOS vs the disorder itself. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8ly78b", "comment_id": "8ly78b"}, {"question": "When I take multivitamins I recall vivid dreams, does this mean I'm deficient? (27M)", "description": "I rarely take multi-vitamins, but when I do I invariably wake up remembering vivid dreams. Most of the time when not taking vitamins I don't usually remember my dreams. I've seen this correlation for years now.\n\nI was under the general impression that multivitamins are next to useless for people with decent diets. I subscribed to that idea hence why I rarely take them, however if they seem to cause such a marked effect on dreams that makes me wonder if they really are effective in other ways too.\n\nI had a google and found that B vitamins are known to cause vivid dreams or help recall dreams. But what I couldn't find out is if this effect on me suggests that I am deficient in them.", "answer": "Why would recalling vivid dreams necessarily be a sign of a good thing? I won\u2019t claim it can\u2019t be, but there\u2019s no reason to assume it\u2019s anything but an odd finding like riboflavin turning your urine bright yellow.\n\nThis is also the kind of thing that\u2019s highly subject to placebo effect. It would be fascinating to do a double-blind randomized controlled trial, but I don\u2019t expect it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fde852", "comment_id": "fde852"}, {"question": "MS or Anxiety? Scared", "description": "Recently I sort of developed a bad anxiety disorder, and with it a problem of being overly sensitive to everything about my body. I diagnosed myself with about 18 terminal diseases thanks to google. Now for the most part I'm okay now and stopped stressing about that. Now I am only convinced I have MS, mainly because I've been getting random muscle twitches all over. \n\nI don't have numbing sensations yet I don't think, sometimes I get on a stuck cycle of deep breathing and heart rate but usually only when I'm really anxious. Last night I had a muscle twitch on the right side of my chest and had a panic attacking thinking how I screwed I was if I had MS. \n\nI have other \"symptoms\" but I have no idea what could be from MS and what could be coming from my awful anxiety. I start to think what if I'm feeling isn't an actual symptom, but me freaking out?\n\nAny thoughts on this? Thanks!\n", "answer": "My money's on anxiety. Still you might want reassurance by seeing a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yedw8", "comment_id": "4yedw8"}, {"question": "If I could smoke weed like a normal person, I\u2019d do it everyday", "description": "I have control over whether I take the first hit but after I take that first hit, I\u2019m powerless. \n\nI\u2019m lucky to live in a place where I have in person Marijuana Anonymous meetings and my smoking got to the point where I was either going to try it out despite my preconceived notions or keep relapsing. \n\nPretty much going to a meeting is like being in a room full of people who intimately know what I have gone through and are there to care and offer me support. It is a relief to have people who understand my addiction when so many people just don\u2019t get it. \n\nMeetings help keep me in check cause if I do think about smoking, there\u2019s usually someone else there with less time than me who talks about how withdrawing sucks and how they hate smoking and don\u2019t want to anymore. Or there is someone else there who has a lot more time than me and their life can be hard but it\u2019s gotten so much better which motivates me to stay sober.\n\nWorking the steps is hard but is intensely healing. I honestly think that if you find a good sponsor it\u2019s better than therapy. I went over all the resentments I\u2019ve held onto over the course of my life and my sponsor listened and validated my feelings FOR FIVE HOURS and talked a little shit on the people who caused them (mainly my parents) while letting me cry. Where else can you have an experience like that? \n\nAnyhoo not to be preachy but there are phone meetings (pretty much a conference call format) for MA that you can find through the marijuana anonymous app which is free in the App Store with all the MA literature. Okay that was pretty preachy but really, google \u201cthe 12 questions of marijuana anonymous\u201d and see if you can say they don\u2019t apply to you. ", "answer": "Shout out for MA! \ud83d\ude4c \ud83d\ude0a\n\nI second that gratitude for the support available in the rooms. I've had so many women give hours of their lives to share their experience, strength, and hope with me, who would take a call in the middle of the night if I needed it, and can now say that I am willing to do the same. Truly amazing to experience.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9jcsl5", "comment_id": "9jcsl5"}, {"question": "Help me understand if and how I should reach out to ex who's struggling.", "description": "My now ex bf was extremely violently assaulted about 9 months ago while living abroad and things have just been crazy ever since. \nHe was doing badly after the event - which I feel is natural - but then suddenly just snapped and refused to admit anything was wrong and pretended everthing was excellent instead. He suddenly and very fast jumped into an affair - now relationship - with another woman, dumped me, and stopped talking to anyone he knew before the event. Friends, family, everyone. \n\nA couple days ago I then get a text from him, saying he is back and wants to chat. I don't know what to respond? \n\nOn one hand I feel he just wants his cake and eat it too, and my friends says I should not let him use me like this. \nBut I am deeply worried something else might be up. \n\nEven though he dumped me, he has been writing very concerning things in emails, that makes me think he may be having some psychological problems. \nHe shows clear signs of PTSD and dissociation. He's also been saying that it was probably a mistake not going home after the assault. That he keeps thinking about me and he doesn't recognize himself anymore. That I'm the only one who knows him and I'm his best friend (we were together for 8 years \u2013 known each other for 10). \nHe also says he hasn't talked to anyone about what happened and how he's feeling. Apparently I'm the only one who at least tried and that was just too hard for him to do, so he refused \u2013 and cut me out of his life. BUT, he did think he\u2019d need professional help once he would get home because he wasn't doing as well as he had been acting like. \n\nSo, what should I do? I don't want to be used, but I also don't want him to suffer. Apparently none of his new friends acknowledges his problems, and he doesn't tell them about it. I don't want to butt into a new relationship and I also don't want to come off patronizing. \n\nI've been wondering if I should talk to him. Try to get him to see a therapist. Maybe even offering following him to the first appointment? I feel this is something his SO should do though. Not me. \nIs being his friend the best solution right now?\nHe doesn\u2019t want to be with me as anything but a friend, and even if he did I don\u2019t think I could forgive him for the things he did. But I do still love him. And he says he still loves me \u2013 which to me just sounds like this could get terribly messy and might just make things worse. \nBut for the moment being, could he really just need a friend? Should I nudge him to get some help or just listen to what he has to say instead of pushing to hard? I\u2019ve let him know he can always talk to me if something\u2019s wrong, always. But I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s enough. And I don\u2019t know if this \u201cjust to chat\u201d text was a reach out or merely just a friendly request. I just know I could never forgive myself if something happened to him and I hadn\u2019t done anything\u2026. \n\n", "answer": "If you're willing to talk to him at all, go with your gut and tell him to get some professional help. Despite your history, you're not equipped to deal with these kinds of symptoms. \n\nRegardless of what you decide to do, the best advice I can give is figure out exactly where you stand before you talk to him. Do you want to be in a relationship with him again? Do you want to try to be friends (though I doubt this would be healthy), are you just trying to help him this time then cut ties? \n\nRegardless of what you decide, it's your choice. Make sure you state it clearly to him. He is ultimately responsible for himself. If anything happened to him, you are not responsible. Please remind yourself of this from time to time. \n\nIf it were me in your position, I'd cut ties and try to move on with my life. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vae6v", "comment_id": "6vae6v"}, {"question": "I relapsed on 98 days....", "description": "Back in February 17 I had 98 days and drank. I was always so annoyed that I didn't at least last to 100 days. I mean who does that..... I then spent the next year not being able to string together 10 days..... \n\nAnyway I have now reached the 100 day point again. I truly never thought I would get back to this point!! Never give up trying people!!!!", "answer": "My useless advice: quit counting. It's the Zen thing to do. Counting days only means you can fail. 5372 vs 5389 days is insignificant but Today is incredible. \n\nAnd congrats on 100 todays!! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9gtm84", "comment_id": "9gtm84"}, {"question": "Update from Previous Post", "description": "Hey everyone! I posted before about not losing weight on Keto and having minimal PCOS symptoms. Instead of dealing with doctors who keep giving me the run around, I went to a Hormone clinic. I got my blood work done and had an extensive hormone panel test. Turns out I have low progesterone and low testosterone/high estrogen. But most importantly they found I have HYPOTHYROIDISM. This explains why I have fatigue, weight gain, inability to lose weight. I was prescribed NP Thryoid and also Metformin. It has been a week today since I started the medicine. I feel so much better already. Keep asking questions and always get a second opinion. I feel like I am finally getting my life back :)", "answer": "Good for you. I wish we didn\u2019t have to be our own advocates quite so much with this disease, but here we are. Glad you got some more solid answers!!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8mtr0t", "comment_id": "8mtr0t"}, {"question": "I miss it", "description": "If you have ever been hospitalized did you miss it when you finally went home? \n\nIt's been two months since my hospitalization and I'm starting to miss it. I miss the structured days. I miss not having to think when to get up. I miss not having to remember to take my medication. I miss not having to take care of myself. I miss being able to sleep all day and it be okay. I miss being separated from the outside world. I miss not having any responsibilities. I miss my day being planned for me. I just miss it. \n\nDoes anyone else feel this way? I just need to know.", "answer": "I still miss it, and my last stay was 7 years ago. Now I just try to structure my days in a similar way.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "cyxrsk", "comment_id": "cyxrsk"}, {"question": "What are the consequences of being involuntarily hospitalized?", "description": "I recently lost my therapist, who was giving me a discount. Now I can't afford the co-pay anymore. She was the only person I've spoken with at length for the last three years or so. I don't have any friends, and my coworkers avoid me.\n\nSince then my depression has gotten exponentially worse, and I have a growing tendency to nurture really dark and destructive thoughts whenever I get shunned at work or I'm spending a weekend night at home by myself (I go out, it just never comes to anything). I've been drinking more too, even though my medications are supposed to be so hard on my liver that it's really not a good idea to drink at all. It's just that I don't care.\n\nTL;DR It's not out of the question that I might be forced to go into a hospital soon. What is the professional and financial impact? Does it make getting another job harder? Will you have certain rights taken away because of your medical history?", "answer": "If you're in the USA, there is no reason or way for your employer (present or future) to know about any of your hospitalizations without your written approval.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rvkqy", "comment_id": "1rvkqy"}, {"question": "Sleeping issues", "description": "Hi! So recently I've been waking up throughout the night a lot more than I usually do. So for as long as I remember I've usually woken up throughout each night, usually 2-3 times, and usually just to turn over in bed. So usually I'd wake up, turn over, and just fall back asleep.\n\nWell recently (past month or so), that number has increased to waking up 8-10 times throughout the night. It usually throws me off because I'll assume it has to be say like, 10 o'clock already but it turns out it's still only 5am. The thing is though, I've also been dreaming a lot more than I used to. In the past, I don't remember actually dreaming too often but recently I've been dreaming almost every night. And usually different dreams every time I wake up and fall back asleep. Though usually I don't have issues falling back asleep still, I still feel tired and not well rested every time I wake up.\n\nSome other relevant info: I'm usually in bed for 8 hours ish a night every day. I would say sleeping but like I said I wake up a lot during the night.\n\nI'm a 21 year old 5 foot 9 male who weighs roughly 200 pounds. I haven't checked in a while but over the past few years my weight has gone up and down between about 180 and 200.\n\nAbout a month or so ago (when I started noticing these issues), I had just moved out of my house and into my girlfriend's house. I'm usually a light sleeper so at first I figured i was just getting used to the noises of her house but like I said it's still conflicting me. When we sleep together it gets really bad because I not only wake up when I turn in bed but when she does, but even when I'm just sleeping alone I still wake up a lot.\n\nIt's weird because since I'm dreaming I feel like I must be getting deeper sleep, but then since I'm waking up so much I never actually feel rested \n\n\nTL;DR: I wake up a lot throughout the night and it bothers me.\n\n\nSo yeah, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do, or should do to try and improve my sleep. Any advice would be appreciated thanks!", "answer": "Sleep is notoriously difficult to manage, and it can change for all sorts of reasons. There's no evidenced long-term sleeping tablet either (and some of them have dependency risks).\n\nBest thing to do is to make sure you are doing all the common sense things and give it time.\n\n[Better sleep](http://www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/sleep/Pages/sleep-home.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rcepp", "comment_id": "6rcepp"}, {"question": "A reminder regarding the \"Cannabis Withdrawal\" post in /r/science and sidebar rules...", "description": "It's an interesting article, but just a reminder that we're about our personal experiences and mutual support in quitting, this group isn't about discussing outside science, legal, or other matters.\n\nGuideline: If your post is about your experience with withdrawal symptoms then it's in, if it's about scientific data regarding withdrawal symptoms then we'll leave that to /r/science.\n\nThanks! ", "answer": "I'm not up in arms about your decision, but I disagree. That article isn't political. It's scientific and it's relevant to everyone in this subreddit. What's wrong with posting that info? It validates the struggle we're going through, which is often invalidated by others who view cannabis withdrawal as fiction.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "10kr6v", "comment_id": "10kr6v"}, {"question": "Waking up sober feeling incredibly drunk.", "description": "So, I suffer from morbid, vivid and downright scary nightmares. I have been sober now for 32 days and realize that when I drank, that helped suppress the terrible nightmares. \n\nFor the last 30 days I have been trapped in sleep, escaping demons, ghost, war, and numerous other near-death experiences that I have been unable to wake myself up. \n\nI slept over 18 hours last night/day and had the worse never-ending nightmare so far. I feel so weak and dizzy and drunk. \n\nDid anyone else have terrible nightmares after they quit drinking? ", "answer": "Have you seen a specialist in regard to these dreams? Do you have the capability to? That'd be where I would start.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1mngax", "comment_id": "1mngax"}, {"question": "20 years and finally ready to stop for good", "description": "First off, props to everyone on this subreddit trying to make a significant change in your life. Just reading some of these posts makes me feel better already and I know that you will help me as I hope to help you just by sharing my story.\n\nMy first encounter with weed came at a very vulnerable time in my life. Family issues, depression, etc. I can still remember like it was yesterday. I was at a family beach trip and about 15 years old. My parents invited a cousin on the trip, who took me for a short walk to the beach. We sat on a log, he pulled out a joint and asked me to try. Unfortunately, it was love at first try.\n\nI am now soon to be 35 years old. I am married and have a beautiful 2 and a half year old daughter. As a teenager, I started smoking occasionally, mainly at house parties. Over time, I started to want weed to somehow represent who I was to my peers. Now that I look back, it gave me a sense of significance and simply seemed to make everyday life easier. I started to realize you can integrate weed smoking with just about any regular activity. A good workout at the gym, going jogging, watching a movie or listening to music, were simply better with that funny numb feeling inside. If I had to go somewhere I didn\u2019t want to go, or be in a situation that wasn\u2019t of my choosing, what better way than to be \u201cpresent\u201d while disconnected from it all. I had an escape and I used it whenever I could. What limited my intake was really just not having enough money to spend on it regularly. \n\nOver time, I became more aware of potential dangers and side effects, going through withdrawal whenever I did not smoke. Although I stopped praising weed and wanting others to try, I did not do much to help myself. I kept smoking. I was then blessed with what was a pretty good paying job for me and, since I was still single, I began smoking A LOT. I would smoke about 5 times a day, wake-n-bake, before bedtime and everything in between. There were nights when I\u2019d have to wake up to smoke and then go back to sleep. I have also had many digestive disorders throughout my life and, of course, weed helped with my symptoms \u2013 for a while. This was enough for me to justify my use even more. I didn\u2019t just like it, I pretty much needed it. Please note I have never smoked medical marijuana since I do not live in the US. \n\nThough I\u2019ve always been somewhat of an introvert, I now see how I began to distance myself socially more and more and I am certain that weed contributed on a large scale. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. First off, I do not live in an environment of stoners (except for when I was a teen and in my early twenties when I still had a lot of stoner friends). If I just smoked in my car (which I would do regularly) and got out to, go to the bank or store for example, and happen to run into someone I know or a stranger simply wanted to start a conversation with me, I would avoid conversation at all costs. In part due to plain paranoia, but also because I would either feel I smelt like weed (which was probably true many times) or I would feel my eyes were too red (even after adding eyedrops, again, unnecessary paranoia) or I just wouldn\u2019t care because that person or conversation could be ruining my high. During these scenarios I am in a state of \u201chapiness\u201d that is disconnected from reality and this is the bubble I have chosen for many many years. Too many now.\n\nThough I graduated from college and managed to get a decent job, get married and have a child, I now suffer from realizing how many years I wasted or at least didn\u2019t make the best of. There are many memories that I cannot recall because my friends tell me I was too high or too wasted that particular day. Though these type of stories are fun at times, I wish they were memorable moments that I can cherish rather than a quick time waste that simly allowed me to live the moment, or in most cases, just get by. I now have somewhat of an obsession or \u201cawakening\u201d, if you can call it that, where I feel the need to learn or read something constantly. While this is a very positive thing, the reason behind it is not. I feel a desperation to find myself for the first time in my life, without my life long partner, Mary Jane.\n\nI had my last smoke last night and today has been hell. Foggy \u2013 actually, very foggy, confused, low sense of worth and, of course, very easily irritated. While some of these are the very reason why I started smoking in the first place, there is no doubt that weed has not done one single thing to help me in these areas and has only caused grief to my inner being. It\u2019s time to stop hurting the very person I\u2019m supposed to love the most \u2013 myself.\n\nFrom what I have read, statistics say that only 1 of 10 adults get addicted to weed and 1 of 6 when they started during early teen years. I feel weak and stuggle trying to understand that I am part of that small percentage. I even have my doubts as to how accurate the stats are but, regardless, this is MY reality and I have to accept it and now deal with it. \n\nThank you for taking the time to read my post. \n", "answer": "Good for you! It takes a lot of strength to do what you're doing. I wish you the best!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "72hp38", "comment_id": "72hp38"}, {"question": "F28, professionals' opinions on a note for work?", "description": "In light of recent events, my job at a plant was shut down on Thursday. Friday night, the gov changed the mandate and we are able to reopen. However, while we fall under the category, our specific function is nonessential (think grocery store vs specialty cheese shop or something). I have spoken to others in my industry, and I believe the change was made because other plants are able to be of assistance to hospitals, doctors, etc. We are not, nor are we necessarily capable of changing tp be of assistance. \n\nI think this is wrong, and we should just close for the two weeks if we aren't going to take any type of precaution to protect the workers. \n\nSo, here's my question - i (28f, 170#, 5'10\") have exercise induced asthma that rarely gives me issue, but i have an emergency inhaler. While i understand its a stretch, i firmly believe everyone should be staying the fuck home, and I wonder if it would be appropriate to ask my PCP for a note stating that im \"at risk\" and that I should be home? \n\nI've already tried speaking to my boss, and my coworkers. We're all stuck in corporate hell and people are afraid of losing their jobs, so a \"sick in\" isn't an option, though we tried to get everyone together. \n\nThoughts?\n \nThanks in advance.", "answer": "I don't think there is enough basis in your case for your physician to write such a note.\n\nOf course if you are going to work, try to maximize the safety by following advice from WHO.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmzbl7", "comment_id": "fmzbl7"}, {"question": "Am I in the prodromal phase of schizophrenia?", "description": "17, Male, UK, Diagnosed GAD + OCD, No medications.\n\nNo family history of mental health issues\n\nPD = Psychotic Disorder\n\nDPDR = Depersonalisation/Derealisation \n\nSymptoms:\n\nLoud thoughts: when in a highly anxious state, my thoughts can become very loud and fast paced, almost like internal shouting, and can almost feel like they\u2019re going to burst out of my head and I\u2019m going to start hearing them, or that my head is going to explode. As well as regular thoughts, I tend to also replay conversations that I\u2019ve had in the past, or things that I\u2019ve seen on TV, however these always feel like my thoughts, not that of a separate person, are not audible, and never give me commands or engage me in conversation. &gt; week\n\nVoices in sounds: ever time I hear any type of background noise, my brain instantly assumes I\u2019m hearing things/voices, and so is constantly trying to decipher words/sentences from random noises, which can make it feel like I\u2019m hearing things, despite never being able to hear anything other than the noise. &gt; week\n\nVisual disturbances: at times, normally during a stressful period, I will see little flickers in my vision that disappear within less than a second. It will often be like a small streak of light that moves so fast that I hardly have time to process that it\u2019s happened. &gt; week \n\nDepression: recently my mood has decreased and I\u2019ve spent 99% of my time purely focusing on distracting myself from my own thoughts rather than engaging in anything productive or social interactions. &gt; week \n\nNightmares: I have been experiencing very confusing and disturbing nightmares that will stay in my mind for the rest of the day after they have happened. 1 week\n\n2 years ago I spent a period of roughly 6 months smoking weed on occasion. While high, I had a panic attack, and shortly after stopped doing any drugs. About 4 months later I had a close family member pass away, and began to experience panic attacks and dissociation (DPDR) while sober. The severity of my anxiety and DPDR only increased over the coming years, until I eventually left full time education in February due to my inability to cope with it alongside my mental health issues. Since November 2018 i have had severe health anxiety, and my \u2018theme\u2019 for this changes every 2-3 months. My themes have been: Heart Attack, Stroke, Seizure, and PD\u2019s. My themes will start with a simple worry, and progressively become more and more obsessive, until I get to a point where I am absolutely convinced that the theme is true, and very little can convince me otherwise, even leading to me calling emergency services, as I genuinely believe that there is something seriously wrong with me. For the last 2 months I have been in a theme of worrying about developing a PD, whether that be psychosis, schizophrenia, or bipolar. It started when I was on the phone with a friend and he mentioned about someone he knew that had schizophrenia. Shortly after our call I began searching online about PD\u2019s and ended up having a panic attack out of the fear of developing one. For the following month I was in a non stop cycle of constantly checking every little movement in my vision in a hopes to confirm that I was hallucinating and becoming psychotic. This was causing me so much stress that I was persistently vomiting out of pure fear. During this time I was only aware that people with PD\u2019s hallucinated, and so was only looking out for hallucinations rather than worrying about any other symptoms of a PD. After about a month of this cycle I was finally able to calm myself down and not worry about developing a PD. During this period I also experienced none of the so called \u201csymptoms\u201d that I was experiencing during my month of worrying. However, after only a week of not worrying about PD\u2019s, the fears returned and it caused some of the absolute worst anxiety and stress that I have ever experienced in my life. For about 3 days I spent every waking moment in a highly overwhelmed anxious state, as I was certain that I was developing a PD. After the first 3 days, I began to experience the racing/shouting thoughts. It was like all my thoughts were being yelled at me in my head, and even when I did calm down it still felt like my head was completely crowded with a million thoughts all racing around at once. I tried to just shake it off but after only 2 days of these shouting thoughts I was certain that I had a PD. I got a same day doctors appointment with my GP and I told him what was going on and my fear of becoming psychotic. He told me that from the information I had given him, i didn\u2019t show signs of being psychotic, and that the racing thoughts were most likely just a product of my extremely anxious state of mind. When I returned home from the doctors, I tried my best to calm down, and surprisingly the shouting/racing thoughts actually subsided for the most part, as long as I was keeping my mind calm and distracted. However, that afternoon I began to experience the visual disturbances, and although I have experienced these before when in an extremely anxious state, they were still extremely concerning for me and put me back into an anxious state. I am currently able to manage the loud/racing thoughts by keeping myself as calm as possible, however as soon as my anxiety begins to build, they instantly return. At this point in time I am absolutely certain that I am in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia and the thought of having a PD is without a doubt the most harrowing and terrifying reality that I have ever experienced in my life. I am in desperate need of the opinion from a qualified psychiatrist as i won\u2019t be able to see one any time soon.", "answer": "The only way to know with certainty is to either become psychotic or not become psychotic over time, and you can say what this was with the clarity of hindsight. However, from what you describe, I agree with your GP. Your experience sounds a lot more like anxiety, and particularly anxiety about becoming psychotic, than a prodrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chb31d", "comment_id": "chb31d"}, {"question": "[Serious] Need advice on a friend's mental illness.", "description": "Hello Reddit,\n\nI have a friend who has become hopelessly delusional. He has become obsessed with conspiracy theories, and it has started to take over his life.\n\nAll this started with his disbelief of 9/11 about five years ago, and he's done a lot of \"reading\" on this, and has come to the conclusion it was an inside job.\n\nFlowing from that, he has started to branch out into more and more crazy beliefs, such as:\n\n* Vaccines not only do not work, they cause autism, asthma and allergies. In fact, the vaccines are the causes of disease, not the cure.\n* Vaccines are produced by companies run by the Illuminati\n* In fact, the Illuminati run the world and just about everything in it (99% of everything, he says).\n* Government agencies such as the CDC are shills for the Illuminati\n* Most diseases are man-made, such as AIDS and cancer\n* All sources of information are not considered \"proof\" - only what he feels to be true is truth (ie. solipsism)\n* \"That's what they want you to believe\" is his favorite sentence.\n\nThe reason this has even become an issue is that he has an infant son that he refuses to have vaccinated. I think he can believe whatever he wants - as zany as it is - but now it's starting to affect the life of his son. \n\nI need advice as a friend, namely:\n\n* I'm not familiar with the plethora of mental illnesses. I would appreciate advice on what Reddit thinks is wrong with him (yes, I know you're not all doctors). \n* How can I help him see his beliefs are so inconsistent and irrational that they cannot possibly be true?\n* He denies all forms of fact I deem to be true, and asserts that \"unless I do any research, I can't know it to be fact\". How can I combat that solipsism mentality?\n\nI appreciate any advice you may be able to provide. Just want to help my bro.", "answer": "Diagnosing this guy is completely unhelpful. At best you will just be finding a new, more sophisticated insult to throw at him. All it sounds like so far is that he's making some pretty crazy claims and backing them up with shoddy arguments. Not vaccinating his son seems to be the only thing close to an actionable problem, but unfortunately in the US we value individual \"rights\" over communal responsibilities (yes -- vaccination is a public health responsibility) -- it's his \"right\" to not provide his children with preventive health care, provided Mom is on board.\n\nFirst off stop arguing with him logically. If that part seems compromised, why try to employ it to \"solve\" the problem? There is a major misconception with mental illness that if you can just convince someone to see the \"distortions\" in their thinking then they'll get better. This ignores emotional and biological issues. Your best bet if you're interested in getting him into treatment is for his family to exert pressure on him to go, even though he's \"right\" about all his theories. He's done nothing sufficient to have him involuntarily admitted to a psych unit, and doing so will only piss him off, and put him away for a weekend. He might be prescribed meds, but will not be forced to take them after he is discharged, and those antipsychotics and mood stabilizers have nasty side effects -- he'll need to be motivated to take them anyway.\n\nI'm sorry your friend is struggling. You seem to be struggling with him. For better or worse, we have a high threshold here for forcing someone into psychiatric treatment. In fact much of our system seems to have evolved to deny such treatment... The best you can do is support his family, and gently urge him to see a professional, emphasizing that his expression of his beliefs (right or wrong) are threatening his relationships. This gentle pressure could help, but be careful -- it could also drive him away. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "20wkk4", "comment_id": "20wkk4"}, {"question": "My girlfriend\u00b4s little sister (4) died today a awful death", "description": " \n\nIm sorry for my bad english but I have nobody to talk about this ...\n\nThe little sister of my girlfriend died two hours ago and I had to watch it ... \nHer body parts got demolished by a motocycle chain that flew around from a bike accident.\n\nI babysitted her and we walked into the city and I bought her ice-cream and we stoud at the street to just enjoy the moment as at once and a motocycle crashed near us with 100 Km/h into a car ( in a zone with a 20Km/h speed limit) and the chain just broke und tored of her head ...\n\nI will never forget this moment when her head hit the ground and her facial expressions ( I cant explain how she watched but it was horror.\n\nI dont know what to do now ... Im very close to kill my self.\n\nI CANT HANDLE THIS SH\\*\\*\\*T RIGHT NOW\n\nPlease guys\n\nCan you please comfort me a bit ...\n\nIm really sorry for my bad english guys ..... ;(", "answer": "I'm so sorry that you experienced something so traumatic. I would suggest calling a Suicide Hotline to process this right away, and they can help find resources for you to see a therapist as you are experiencing something so traumatic. It makes sense why you are still shaken up. I am keeping you in my thoughts.", "topic": "whatsbotheringyou", "post_id": "cn96ot", "comment_id": "cn96ot"}, {"question": "My friend is suicidal.", "description": "My friend spent his life as a Christian. He's recently lost his faith and he's taking it very hard. Myself and a number of his other friends have been at his house for the past 3 days. He has hardly been able to speak. He's sat in his chair wrapped in a blanket weeping. \n\nIt's heartbreaking to see him fall apart before our eyes. This guy is a fantastic human being. In fact, I'd go so far as to, ironically, say he's the most Christ Like individual I've ever met.\n\nHe's said that the world he knew is gone and that he doesn't think he can go on. \n\nI've never gone through anything like this and I've never seen a person go from being so serene and composed to being so...so broken. \n\nI think that we are all out of our depth and I could use any advice to help bring my friend out of this.\n\nHe's been having suicidal thoughts, not eating, not soeaking, sweating a ton...we're all scared for him", "answer": "get him to a hospital NOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tmmqz", "comment_id": "5tmmqz"}, {"question": "[M19] GF [F18] of two years is still a virgin and say she still needs time, I need help understanding her fears.", "description": "As the title said I've been with my gf for around two years and we haven't had sex yet. I have before with a previous partner, but she hasn't. We've done some very mild hand stuff but none of that has lasted for very long. She feels very self conscious of her body and hasn't let me even get close to seeing her lady bits because she is afraid that it won't be good enough. I have tried to reassure her that she is fine, but she seems to be getting more uncomfortable over time. I am very attracted to her and love her very much, but it has been hard for me as I am a sexual person. I just need advice on how to deal with this situation and how I can better understand what she is feeling.\n\ntl;dr: gf is afraid to have sex and I am having trouble understanding those fears. \n\nP.S.: no history of sexual abuse for either of us, and sorry if this was long it's early in the morning and I can't sleep", "answer": "What do you need to have happen to stay and be happy with her?\n\nIt sounds like she is not even interested in sexual pleasure, so we're probably missing part of the story here. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyhkc", "comment_id": "6dyhkc"}, {"question": "Vodka or Benzos for college presentation ?", "description": "I've got a 20 minutes long presentation on college next month . I tried propranolol (40 mg x3 a day ) and it ain't helped my anxiety . \n\nI never drinked alcohol or tried clonozepam ( benzo ) before , what should I do ?", "answer": "Honestly. If you want to get better with your social anxiety don't use any of these or any outside substance to cope with your anxiety. It only makes you become more sensitive to anxiety producing situations in the long run and at worst, can end up leading to an issue with alcohol/drug dependence in the future. \n\n\nIf in the short term you're more concerned about the presentation and are willing to make your anxiety worse in the long-term for a short term gain, that's your choice. I'd highly advise against the benzos. Taking prescription medication when you never have and it hasn't been okayed by a doctor knowing your medical history has a higher potential of being dangerous or deadly than small amounts of alcohol or marijuana. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "93q2dn", "comment_id": "93q2dn"}, {"question": "Is this a reason enough to break up with someone?", "description": "I have a boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months. We meet about once every week and he has told me that he loves me.\nI told him when we began this relationship that I want to take things slow, because when we started dating it was only a month and a half after me and my ex broke up after a three year relationship.\n\nI felt good with my current BF but he told me shortly after we started the relationship that he had been anorexic, but was absolutely and perfectly well now. I had been battling anorexia about 8 months before we began dating so I know how it is.\n\nBut I have noticed that he isn't over it, he eats like a little girl, constantly counts calories and it is triggering me, really bad. Around other people I don't feel like stopping eating, starving myself for perfection but around him I do.\n\nI have told him about this and that I feel uncomfortable naked around him, because he's so thin and fragile, meanwhile I now have some meat on my bones (130 pounds, he weight much less and is taller.)\n\nHe thinks it is only about me being uncomfortable naked, but it is just really hard, and I can't handle with it, I want to focus on my own health, I try to help him, but I only can feel myself getting worse.\n\nThere are also other reasons why I want to break up with him.\nI am moving out of the country in six months or so, to go to Uni and then we will break up. \n\nWhen we have sex it is only he who orgasms, and we never ever cuddle.\n\nHe thinks this is a happy,normal relationship(his first) but I know it isn't.\n\nThank you for reading this.\n\n**TLDR**\nWell, I feel like my BF for six months is really pushing my anorexic tendancies and that makes me feel really bad, but I do not know if that is a a reason enough to break up with him.\n\n\n", "answer": "Just want to add another voice to the chorus, from a fellow ED sufferer: Break up with this guy. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "p4odj", "comment_id": "p4odj"}, {"question": "I[M/22] am an abuser to my SO[F/21]. What should I do?", "description": "Hello everyone, \n\nI've been with my SO for the past 2 years and it's been going great. But out of no where, it's gone completely down hill. When we argue, we argue over small, petty things that turn in fights that last a whole day. There's two sides of this. When I tell her something, and when she tells me something. When I tell her, she doesn't listen to what I have to say and gets mad at me, and we argue. When she tells me something, I have to continually ask her whats wrong as I just want to get over our problems as I hate it lurking for a whole day as it ruins my day, not to mention her attitude throughout the day. In any case, she won't tell me at all, and it becomes like a child and mouse game with her as she won't tell me what's wrong until I get completely pissed off and annoyed by her acting like this. By the time she begins to speak, I get way pissed off and begin to raise my voice and she will tell me to stop being angry and impatient. By that, I get even more pissed off as I usually wait a whole day for her to say something. Here is an example of our last fight, last night. \n\nAt around 9am, she said \"How much would you pay for sex from me?\" I jokingly said \"$1\", to which she got mad. I told her sorry immediately, but instead of listening to what I had to say, about why I said it jokingly, she became mad. I hugged her at the same time, but she pushed me into the wall which seriously hurt my neck. I get pissed off by this and begin to hold her arms and body so she wouldn't hurt me more. She continued to be pissed off throughout the day and I continued to ask her whats wrong so she would talk with me. At around 4pm, she tells me why she's so pissed off. But by that time, I'm to annoyed by her attitude and for me having to ask her continuously for whats wrong. In spite, I told her that she shouldn't ask me that kind of question, especially since it's not something someone usually asks, especially to their boyfriend. Fast forward to 1am. We're still arguing and she tells me how much of a POS I am for saying that. I tell her i'm sorry for saying that, but she blames me that I didn't even say anything. She gets up and tries to get out of the house. Admittedly, this is where I go wrong. I pull her arm and throw her onto the bed so she would just go to sleep. She gets pissed off by this and claws me with her nails. I get even more pissed off so I get on top of her so she can't move and hold her arms against the bed so she would stop clawing me. At the same time, I punched her leg and arm since she kicked me in the stomach. As we're doing this, I tell her to stop so we can talk about it the next morning. She stops momentarily, and then runs out of the house around 3am. I have to run after her and grab her and pick her up by her legs and bring her back to the room. I get even more pissed off by this that I slap her in the head, throw her on the bed, and then get on top of her again. This lasts until 5am to which we both get tired and fall asleep. Next morning we wake up around 11am. The same argument continues but instead of continuing to fight, we began to talk. We began talking about what happened and what was wrong. We never came to a conclusion and still are arguing right now. \n\nIn any case, I know I'm completely at fault for loosing my cool for being physically and mentally abusive to her and I completely feel wrong for doing so. But what can I do? What should I do? If I seek a therapist will they call the police on me? I'd really like to fix myself and this relationship. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "therapy and abusers group", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bly0l", "comment_id": "6bly0l"}, {"question": "Does anyone else get the urge to go walk around late at night/into early morning when you know it\u2019s dangerous, Especially when sad or anxious?", "description": "Whenever I get really sad or anxious I always get the extreme urge to go walk. Never fails that it\u2019s 11 pm-3am ish. And I get the urge because I know something bad could happen. Anyone else do this? And anyone have tips for fighting that urge? ", "answer": "\"I know it's dangerous...\" \"I do it when I'm sad.\"\n\nPlease see a mental health specialist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9q13ub", "comment_id": "9q13ub"}, {"question": "Doubts about marrying gf in long term relationship. Me: 26M, Her: 27F", "description": "Thanks for taking a look at my post. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since we were both 19 years old. We have been living together for the past three years. I am having doubts on whether to propose to her. I am scared of the fear of divorce later on - my worst fear is being a divorced dad who only sees his kids on the weekends. Sometimes I feel like I'm not entirely happy in the relationship. We have been through our ups and downs for sure and we rarely argue. I've had concerns in the past and I started getting feelings for another girl, but I realized it was just a feeling I was chasing and not a true relationship. I could tell that my girlfriend really loves me and says that she wants me to propose to her and she is afraid that if I don't make a decision soon she will have to find someone else to have kids with. I'm not sure what to do. I love the feeling that I get when I flirt with other people but I know that it won't be the same as what I have now. I am adventurous and love to do new things and travel, and I am a young professional that works many hours. But lately I haven't been feeling that same excitement that same drive and motivation that I used to feel. I have been dealing with anxiety for a while and have been going to therapy for it, but I cringe at the thought of getting married because I've always had difficulty making decisions and that this decision is permanent. I do not take divorce lightly and I feel that we are obligated to each other in this relationship. I love her but I want to feel that exciting adventurous motivation again that has dwindled away. I have been feeling stuck. What should I do?", "answer": "perhaps she can brought into your therapy to address couple concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pjww5", "comment_id": "5pjww5"}, {"question": "Medical records help... baby's blood type...drug test etc", "description": "21yr old female\nApproximately 120lbs\nApproximately 5'5\nSmoker and obvious drug user\nNo prescribed medication\n\nThe stats are of the mother who gave birth...but all my questions are about the baby's health....\n\nI have removed any identifying information (I believe- if I missed any please let me know)\n\nThe mother is A+ and if I am reading this right (I honestly don't know), the baby is AB-? Am I reading this correctly? If so, what are the possible blood types of the father?\n\nBaby's blood type? Mom is A+.. dad would be??? https://imgur.com/a/uYATFNc\n\nThe second photo is testing of the baby's meconium. I would assume the best results would have been all 0's...but I don't know what these levels mean. I fully admit I have next to no knowledge of drugs and IANAD, But the one comes back from Google search as PCP!!! I didn't even think that still existed...so maybe it's something else?\n\nThis is being done for the welfare of the baby, and see what future problems she may have from the drugs...oh so many questions, so I would appreciate any insight.\n\nEdit: adding surrounding pages to the drug panel with identifying information covered/removed\n\nDrug tests...pgs 26-2", "answer": "Because you cut off the headings we can't tell what the columns are on the meconium drug panel. My guess is that the left is the cutoff for positive and the right is the detected value, so all of the labs on the baby are negative. That would agree with the \"infant UDS negative\" line in the report. I wouldn't read anything into having non-zeroes on the right if they're below the cutoff for positive, because the method of detection will quite possibly read non-zeroes into zeroes.\n\nBecause nothing is said about the baby's blood type in this report, just the mother's, it's possible for the baby and father to have any blood type. If the father isn't A or AB, the baby can't be AB or B, but we don't know.\n\nThere's no reason to expect any particular health problems for this baby. THC exposure might not be great, but it's not clearly terrible like alcohol, and we don't really know what it does.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5tbby", "comment_id": "b5tbby"}, {"question": "I'm 17, 5'10\", and weigh 115 lbs; what are the correct dimensions and height for a noose?", "description": "I'm a junior in high school, about to take my ACTs in a couple weeks. According to the pretests and teachers and guides, I should get a 31. \n\nBut I realized yesterday I'm failing Pre-Calculus. I've always done really poorly in math classes, but never gone below a C. I'm usually a straight A student.\n\nWell, then my mom found out and shit hit the fan.\n\nMy life is suffocating me. As the inhabitant of a small southern town and a liberal atheist, I don't fit in. I'm told I'm handsome by a lot of people, girls flirt with me, but I really think I'm ugly. Apparently, I'm intelligent. As you can tell from my body metrics, I'm very lithe, but people say I wear it well. \n\nI've always had really low self-esteem. I've always, even as a young child, told myself I was worthless. I lived my first months in a homeless shelter, because my parents were too proud to live with their parents. My parents were both 19 when I was born. Neither finished high school. Never married, and separated when I was three. Me and my mom lived together in a small apartment without a car or anything. \n\nWhen I turned six, we moved in with my grandma for a year. Then my mom bought a small house. Later that year, she started seeing my future stepdad, who she went to high school with. He seemed nice. They got married, and it was great. Then he got in a car crash and it rattled him. They've had two kids since then. I love them. But my stepdad exists only to bring in money through manual labor and hold it over everyone's head while mom finishes college. \n\nEvery night, there is screaming and crying and fighting. And every night, my neighbor, a socialite at school, hears this. Everyone knows why I'm so glacial. I cut out my emotions to try and survive the crushing sadness of watching my mom stream tears regularly because this damaged bastard won't spare any kindness. I only feel hatred and sadness and faked happiness. \n\nWhere has my dad been? He hooked up with my psychotic stepmom and they had twin girls. From ages 6-15 I went there every Wednesday night and every other weekend, and I hated it. I love my dad. For all his flaws, he can be a great guy. But my stepmom made sure we never got to spend time together. I love my twin sisters. But when I realized dad was taking my money from the wallet and bank, then stole my laptop he got me for Christmas, I just stopped going. Quit cold turkey.\n\nMy mom is terrible. All she does is yell. She is borderline bipolar. When she gets mad about every little thing, she gets to the point of opening and slamming doors, banging her fists on the walls, spasms and screaming. She takes a lot out on me. I mostly stay in my room to get away from it all. Isolated. \n\nI've been severely depressed for years, and took Zoloft for awhile. I don't let on how I feel, because I don't want to make anyone's life even more stressful. Not even my closest friends know how dark and ill I've become. There is no one I can talk to.\n\nNow life is caving in around me. I keep getting told how my life is ruined, I'll never get into college. I tell myself there's a rabbit hole I can hop through and never deal with it again.", "answer": ">There is no one I can talk to.\n\nWhile this might be true at home, you've got a whole community of people who would love to talk to you here on Reddit. I know that things suck right now, but if you really have that good of grades and do well on the ACT then even with a poor grade in precal you shouldn't have any trouble getting into a good university. So, if you can tough it out for one more year your whole life will be different. \n", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bj5de", "comment_id": "bj5de"}, {"question": "My fianc\u00e9 has explosive anger and calls me names", "description": "I have been with my fianc\u00e9 for a total of 7 years, and we have been engaged for 3. We have been living together for the past 2 years in a small (but lovely and modern) flat.\n\nFor the past 9 months I've really been noticing his anger issues. He cannot control his outbursts.\n\nFor example, this morning my partner (at 6.30am) was cleaning the kitchen before work. He asked if I could get his work stuff ready which I felt fine about. He asked me to help him - not a problem but I have epilepsy so I am very drowsy and uncoordinated and can be a bit slow in the morning.\n\nHe asked me to pass the extension lead. I got confused as I thought the vacuum was plugged somewhere else. It was an explosive reaction to just my confusion.\n\nHe said : 'For fucks sake I'll do it myself, I don't know how you fucking breathe by yourself. Fucking idiot.'\n\nI'm not great at arguments. I find confrontation awful due to emotional abuse from my parents throughout my childhood.\n\nSo, I just went to the bedroom without saying anything and just got in bed. After 10 minutes of hearing him cuss about how he hates this flat (don't know why I love it) he comes in the bedroom and asks where his work stuff is. I said I don't know. So he then called me a cunt, left the room and slammed the door, and was cussing that I wasn't helping I could hear him muttering in the living room.\n\nThen he left for work without saying good bye.\n\nI don't really know what to do. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive but when he is like this I get really down and I can't really get on with my day. 80% of the time he is okay and funny and he cares for me when I have seizures. And I love him. But I just feel so put down all the time.\n\nTl:dr: been with fianc\u00e9 for 7 years. He calls me names - don't know what to do. \n", "answer": "end it if she doesn't get help and get cured", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g74kc", "comment_id": "6g74kc"}, {"question": "Do therapist love their clients?", "description": "I\u2019m afraid to tell my therapist that I care about her a lot because she might not have those same feelings. I\u2019m not talking about sexually by the way.", "answer": "Love is not a word I would ever use to describe a client. I care for them, and many I would likely have enjoyed a friendship with if we had met under different circumstances, but because a boundary exists I stop short of anything outside of a helping relationship.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwja2w", "comment_id": "bwja2w"}, {"question": "Asked a girl out for coffee and she said yes - what now?", "description": "So this could easily be a celebratory post about how I worked up the courage to ask a girl out that I liked and I'm so proud of myself, bla bla bla. But the thing is that while I am proud of myself for asking, I'm kind of freaking out because I don't know what to do next. I'm going to be honest, I kind of assumed she would say no and I could just be happy I asked, since regret is more difficult than rejection. But she said yes, so now I actually have to do more. She told me to message her on Facebook to figure out a time that works for both of us.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nI'm 20 and she's a few years older, which kind of scares me because it means she almost certainly has more dating (and life) experience than I do. At the same time, maybe that's alright because she knows I'm younger and will be more understanding of the mistakes I'm bound to make. Basically I've never been on a date before, and I have little idea how to move forward. Anyone have any sort of basic guide on how people in their early 20s go on a coffee date?", "answer": "Talk, have fun, joke around. If this is your first date with her, use it as an opportunity to get to know more about her and see if she seems like somebody you'd like to keep dating or possibly be in a relationship with in the future (if that's your goal). \n\n\nIn my experience at least, coffee dates on their own rarely lead to sex (if that's the primary goal). Have a plan for if things go well and a plan for if things don't go well. \n\n\nIf things are going well, have a plan to either invite her to a party or event happening that night/weekend or in the future. Hell, even if you have to make one up then invite your friends later if you have nothing on your calendar (although if you have to do that I wouldn't make it night of). \n\n\nIf things don't go well, either you decide that there's something off with her and you want to get out of there or if she really doesn't seem all that into you, set an alarm on your phone for an hour after you're supposed to meet. If things are going well, just turn it off, say that was a mistake, if things aren't just say oh, that was to remind me to make sure I'm not late for...\u2026(important thing you have to do that's time sensitive).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "egboku", "comment_id": "egboku"}, {"question": "Disabled person looking for a job before grad school (hopefully)", "description": "I\u2019m a 25 year old woman with cerebral palsy. It isn\u2019t severe but it mainly affects my ability to stand for long periods of time, ability to lift heavy things and I get tired more easily. I also have mental health issues but they aren\u2019t really the focus of this post. I have an undergrad BA in Children\u2019s studies and am almost done a funded MA in disability studies. I have a teaching assistant job for January to April but it\u2019s only going to pay about 300 a month. I have ODSP as well but 99 percent of it goes to rent, sadly. I\u2019m applying to Phd programs for fall 2020 but I need a job to help make ends meet until September (IF I get into school\u2014 longer if not). Any tips?", "answer": "[Remote.co](https://remote.co) | [Indeed. com](https://indeed.com) | [Flexjobs](https://www.flexjobs.com)", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "e3jk12", "comment_id": "e3jk12"}, {"question": "I'm [23/f] whose relationship is unhealthy and verge of ending with my fianc\u00e9 whose in med school[24/m], advice proceeding forward please", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I have been together for 7 years on and off a lot. This past summer he went to backpacking abroad for a month and the next day upon his return our engagement party was scheduled. During that trip, my female friend informed me that people noticed how he goes out of his way to be friends with girls, is overly friendly, flirty and never tells anyone about me. On his trip he grinded with someone else and was not planning to telling me, I heard from a friend that was there. I am conservative and he knows stuff like that I'm not okay with. I wanted to call off engagement because all of this was news to me. He came home and promised to make a lot of changes because no way I wanted to marry a guy that flirts with the line. So we got engaged at end of july. In a way getting engaged when you don't trust your SO isn't ok. But I am asian and reputation is a huge thing and my parents wouldnt let me call it off. I became pretty depressed and lost all my confidence, ended up affecting my academic life. He started medical school a month ago, not to mention he is very handsome, much better looking then me. My friend who goes to the same med school said how she only saw him hanging out with girls. He did introduce me to 2 of them but I assumed their friends like talked for a few minutes not spend hours together. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously and shrugs off whats important to me. I don't care he has female friends, I care about being 2 faced and breaking promises. He is very confident and made these promises and started to break them. Its making me lose my mind. He said I am making his life hell. I am not upset he has female friends, I am upset he's someone who can't keep his word which makes him unreliable. I work really hard on this relationship and do everything a guy could possibly want and expect from his girl. When we are good we are really happy and when shit happens we just want to break up. Theres no balance. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel needy, codependent and scared to get cheated on. what should I do?", "answer": "Impossible to be in a relationship with a deceptive person. if you want to stay with him, insist on counseling together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zcoga", "comment_id": "6zcoga"}, {"question": "Seronegative infection or late seroconverter?", "description": "I'm male 31. 70kg weight. 5.5 height. I got exposure to HIV positive blood. I have all HIV symptoms. Extreme fatigue, weakness. I had stomach problems and fever after 2 weeks of exposure. I also had one swollen looking lymph node. But my three month and five month test was negative. My five month HIV 1 PCR was also undetectable.I'm afraid that I might had seronegative infection. Or different strain etc. This fatigue is unbearable now. I'm too tired and sleepy all the time . I'm on bed all the time now.", "answer": "HIV is usually asymptomatic a few months in. The more likely possibility is that you don't have HIV and may have another infection. EBV (mono), for example, or anything else that could cause nonspecific symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dri3ep", "comment_id": "dri3ep"}, {"question": "Is it ethical for a therapist to refuse my call during a paid for session?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nI have therapy twice weekly, and the particular session in question was early Monday morning. The sessions have been useful in producing feelings other than frustration at the lack of efficacy I have found in other treatments. The therapist and I have a good relationship. \n\nLate Sunday evening, I was experiencing severe suicidal ideation, but held on until the next morning to discuss it. A reliable indicator that I am doing badly is sleeping through my alarm, which I did. I woke up an hour and a quarter before the session, but as the place we meet is in a location difficult to reach by public transport, I calculated that I would barely have 10 minutes of the session left if I set off then. I texted them to keep them abreast of the situation, and that I would call instead. It was an exceptional situation, but this seemed like the next best thing. \n\nHowever, they replied saying that conducting sessions in the same place was important, and that they would not take a call. To be honest, this made me furious, not only because the fee is expensive, but especially as I was in severe distress, and they refused to discuss anything, or offer any kind of advice. I understand that consistency is very much preferable, but I can't help seeing it as them failing me when I was in dire need, and that I have a legitimate grievance here. \n\nWhat is your take on this?", "answer": "A few things here, but first no, there was nothing unethical of what your therapist did. I know that's not the answer you're looking for but phone therapy is not an obligation or even recommended. I'm sure you're thinking \"that's my normal scheduled session so that time is mine, I know my therapist isn't doing anything\" but that's really not how it works and is also not fair. Talking on the phone is in no way or form an adaquate replacement for a therapy session. \n\nIn regards to the other comment, the likelihood of the fee being more than the session is highly unlikely, and would not be a typical motivator. In fact there are more ethical issues with wanting to discuss your suicidal ideation on the phone, which is probably the primary reason why your therapist avoided discussing this on the phone in the first place. This doesn't even include all the things that are missed over the phone: body language, facial expressions, and overall physical cues that therapists (are supposed to) notice and analyze. \n\nGiven your suicidal ideation with the unknown fact if your state is a mandatory reporting state, I'm going to assume it is. Say you were feeling a significant level of suicidal ideation and had a plan, access and overall high level of intent. Once you admit that to your therapist, the laws protecting confidentiality go out the window and you could be emergency petitioned into a hospital to protect yourself or have an emergency psychiatric evaluation. Now if this occurs in person this is a fairly simple thing to do. Cops are called, you two wait and then you're escorted to the hospital and the hospital takes over from there. But now let's say you're on the phone with your therapist. He/she has no ability to know where you are, and is also now ethically responsible for your well being and safety. If you're halfway across the state, or somewhere inaccessible, that makes it significantly more difficult to handle the situation to a degree that would be considered appropriate by our boards standards.\n\nIf it was a truly exceptional situation and you needed to see your therapist, the best thing to do is to try to schedule a make up session and verbalize the importance. Either later in the day or the next day. If it was so urgent that you needed to talk to your therapist asap, that would also indicate that a crisis line or a 911 call would also be sufficient. I'm unsure if your therapist indicated these other options to you, but it's good for you to know your other available options.\n\nIf you do continue therapy with this therapist I would bring up this issue in the next session. If you don't trust your therapist fully, that damages the therapy process as you won't feel the necessary transparency and desire for honesty to help your overall presenting concerns.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb11wa", "comment_id": "bb11wa"}, {"question": "I miss being homeless", "description": "Okay. This sounds really, REALLY fucking stupid, and I\u2019m probably a horrible, dumb person for saying this, but, fuck it I guess.\n\nI\u2019ve had a shitty life. I never met my dad, and my mom died when I was 9 years old. My stepdad started using drugs to cope and ended up in the wrong crowd, so I had to move in with my grandparents, who I later found out severely emotionally abused my mother and manipulated her will to entrap me. Keep in mind, they got me, a 9 year old, to sign legal documents under duress by saying \u201cno one else cared about me\u201d and \u201cthis is what Mommy wanted.\u201d\n\nI proceeded to suffer horrific emotional abuse and a good bit of physical abuse (punching, kicking, being dragged out of bed and beaten in the middle of the night) until I was 19 years old. That was the first time I attempted to move out. I was in college. I made friends with the wrong people, and they stole everything I had.\n\nI tried again less than a year later, as my stepdad had gotten clean and promised he\u2019d try to help me. It didn\u2019t work out either, but something good came out of it- we repaired our relationship, and I see him regularly. I even go to my stepfamily\u2019s Christmas and am recognized as \u2018Dave and Amber\u2019s son\u201d instead of \u201cCraig and Teddie\u2019s grandson.\u201d\n\nI tried to move out again recently, I met some friends through Discord who offered to help me out. I went from Louisiana to Ohio, lived there for about a month. It was wonderful, but things didn\u2019t go as planned. I was still depressed. I couldn\u2019t find housing or a job, and I felt like a burden on my friend and his family, who\u2019d been nothing but kind to me- they fed me, washed my clothes, gave me a whole room to myself, hell, they even took me to an Irish festival and paid for anything I asked. \n\nSo I attempted suicide.\n\nOne hospital bill that I only JUST paid off later, my friend\u2019s family was worried that I was beyond their ability to help me. I decided I needed to leave. I don\u2019t blame them, they\u2019re wonderful people, and I\u2019ll cherish the memories I have of my time with them until the day I die.\n\nI had one other friend willing to take me in, in Oregon. Things were going great this time- he was looking to move out, he had trusted friends who were looking at apartments with him, and I was able to find a job after just one week. Sure, I had to rely on the kindness of others a little bit, as my money was running out, but I never ASKED for anything. I only took what was offered, and I didn\u2019t beg. Matter of pride for me.\n\nBut then his friends bailed. I don\u2019t know why. I don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t hate them for it, but it was at that point that I realized I wasn\u2019t going to get a home yet.\n\nSo, I lived on the streets of Portland for a month. Got involved with an \u2018Abolish ICE\u2019 protest and a loose affiliation of fash-bashers who, surprisingly, took my Southern background and formerly-hard right-wing status in stride, and helped me find soup kitchens and night housing. I bought a guy a guitar and I got a pair of drumsticks, and made a bit of money busking in the 5th to 10th Street area (the richer side of Portland IIRC).\n\nThe problem was, it wasn\u2019t enough money, so I went to go pull my mom\u2019s inheritance out of her trust fund.\n\nMy grandfather called me, and told me if I didn\u2019t come home, he\u2019d liquidate the assets, and I would never see that money again.\n\nThe next three days were a somber affair, as I realized I HAD to go home. My newfound friends showed more love and care for me than anyone else in my life ever had. One of the staff at the youth center I hung out at took me to play soccer and did his best to encourage me. The night shelter I stayed at got me a cake that I shared with the few people in shelter that night. A friend of mine used what little money he\u2019d scraped up for cigarettes to buy me a McMuffin. \n\nAnd then I came home. Although my grandparents aren\u2019t stupid enough to hit me again, they\u2019ve found other ways to hurt me. My mental state is in the shit, as are my finances. I have a job, but it doesn\u2019t really make me feel any better (which pissed my family right the fuck off- \u201chaving a job should make you happy, something\u2019s wrong with you\u201d). The friends that promised they\u2019d be here for me when I got back are only available once in a blue moon, and while I understand that they\u2019re busy, I can\u2019t do this on my own. \n\nI want to leave again. But I\u2019ve got nowhere left to run. My car will only get me out of the South, at best. I\u2019m 20 years old. I should be halfway through college right now. I should have a girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe a husband/wife if they were the right person. I should be in therapy. But I\u2019m not. And I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nI\u2019m gonna cap this off with something that aforementioned social worker told me, just hours before I left, after I told him about my situation.\n\n\u201c<anon>, just because they put food in your stomach and your ass in a bed doesn\u2019t mean you were Home. You had **A** home. I\u2019ve been there, too. Find YOUR Home. Maybe it\u2019s here, maybe it\u2019s elsewhere, but find Your Home. You\u2019ll be happier there.\u201d\n", "answer": "Dude social workers aren't just for the homeless. You could start seeing one again, we are awesome! Handy little trick... Some of us specialize into therapy. So if you start that therapy process, you can find one who will help you with more concrete problems. Just talk to your doctor and let them know you prefer a social worker instead of a classically trained psychologist.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "a0j58d", "comment_id": "a0j58d"}, {"question": "I think the therapist I planned to work with ghosted me - what do I do?", "description": "A few months ago I was shopping around for a therapist when I met with one that I connected with and was very excited to work with. Unfortunately some financial issues came up so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to start as soon as I'd like however I'd reach out as soon as I'm in a good place financially. Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I reached out to let her know that I'm ready if she has any openings. She sent me her availability, I confirmed the date I was available, and I haven't heard from her since. I even followed up again a few days ago to no response. I'm so bummed because I have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support I need. Wondering if I should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if I should let it go and find a new therapist.\n\nEDIT added clarification", "answer": "I agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt AND staying open to other therapists .\n\nEveryone I know is slammed right now. People are seeking therapy like never before, and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment. Even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .\n\nMany therapists are also struggling with other stressors. Closed schools and daycares, partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "firdkm"}, {"question": "Bipolar on the depressive side?", "description": "I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar and I feel like everyone around me that also have Bipolar tend to have more manic episodes than depressive. Since you only need to have 1 manic episode to be diagnosed + mixed episodes are a thing I figure there must be other's out there that experience it more in the way that I do (mostly depressive episodes) and I would like to hear about your experiences if you'd be willing to share. (: \n\nI do have highs and lows but I definitely feel that my manic episodes have been somewhat spaced out compared to me feeling mostly depressed. I'm in therapy but I'm afraid to start medication and coping can get hard so any advice/different perspectives would be appreciated!", "answer": "Lots have more of a depressive picture. Lamotrigine tends to be more beneficial in these situations.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dabf4z", "comment_id": "dabf4z"}, {"question": "I'm three years self harm free tonight!", "description": "i got drunk to celebrate, fuck u bpd!!\n\n\nedit: thanks for all the love everyone i cant respond to u all but it means sm", "answer": "You're awesome! Any tips on other ways to validate, soothe and handle super strong emotions?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "cdankp", "comment_id": "cdankp"}, {"question": "How I keep my hands from drying out after washing them 20+ times a day", "description": "Like many people on this subreddit, you probably over-wash your hands from contamination worries. My hands used to get dry and bleeding from cracked skin. I started using a stronger hand lotion along with eczema gloves at night. I then use a light-weight lotion during the day that isn't too greasy. There are many brands but this is what I personally use.\n\nNight\n\n-Aquaphor: Provides a thick healing barrier that works great but can get on other things as it doesn't dry well. Some type of ezcema glove worn on your hands at night prevents this and helps rehydrate the skin. Here are some links to these items.\n\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Aquaphor-Healing-Ointment-Advanced-Protectant/dp/B006IB5T4W/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=aquaphor&qid=1553790574&s=gateway&sr=8-5&th=1\n\nhttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B078VQ6WLH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1\n\nDay\n\n-Aveeno intense moisture repair cream or Aveeno eczema moisturizing cream. Both products dry quickly and aren't greasy.\n\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Aveeno-Emollients-Fragrance-Free-Moisturizing-Extra-Dry/dp/B0067H6G26/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=aveeno+lotion&qid=1553790952&s=gateway&sr=8-6\n\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Aveeno-Eczema-Therapy-Moisturizing-Sensitive/dp/B00CWY8V9O/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=aveeno+eczema&qid=1553791075&s=gateway&sr=8-5", "answer": "Those are good. I also like o keefes working hands cream.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "b6l3o5", "comment_id": "b6l3o5"}, {"question": "Lead Poisoning?", "description": "Some information:\n\n14 years old \n\nNo current medical conditions \n\n133 pounds \n\nDuration of complaint: today \n\nHello guys. I have something that I am rather concerned about. I was handling some pellets earlier while shooting an air rifle, and noticed that I had black lead dust all over my index, middle, and ring finger. I thoroughly washed my hands but still saw a faint amount of lead dust on my fingers. Not thinking much about it, I ate something and licked the fingers in question, and didn't see the lead dust. Should I be concerned about lead poisoning? I have a doctor's checkup Monday, should I bring it up? ", "answer": "You can mention it - but poisoning tends to occur in those with chronic exposure to the offending material. Assuming you have no symptoms, im sure you'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xkcq2", "comment_id": "5xkcq2"}, {"question": "[24/M] Don't know if I should stay with my girlfriend (23/f) after some life changing events when we have different life plans/personalities.", "description": "Hi all, I really hate to do this, but I really need some advice right now and most of my friends are equally as close with my girlfriend as they are with me.\n\nTo begin, my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for nearly 5 years now, on and off. Every time we've taken a break, I've been the one to initiate it. We met in high school, dated throughout college, and moved in together right after graduation to Oregon.\n\nLiving together was great. In a lot of ways we balanced each other out, I'm very sporadic, she's very organized. We would hang out most weekdays and weekends, smoking weed, maybe drinking a couple of beers watching tv or whatever. Sometimes we'd go out, do stuff outdoors, etc. It was comfortable, but somewhat boring. I found myself constantly daydreaming about moving abroad, doing something crazy, whatever.\n\nFast forward a year and a half and my dad dies very suddenly. Him and I were super close, talking a couple of times a week, making each other crack up, etc. Obviously, I was quite shaken up and probably will be for years to come. After all the ceremonies, a couple of weeks with my mom and brother, I moved back in with my girlfriend.\n\nAt this point, things were going just about as well as possible after the loss of a close love one. My girlfriend was very supportive as was my manager. Things kind of went back to normal, when out of nowhere the company I was working had to do massive layoffs. I knew exactly what was coming when my manager called me in to let me go.\n\nGetting let go sucked, but I tried to see the positive in the situation by letting myself relax for a bit. While my girlfriend went to work, I sat at home, played video games and smoked weed. It was nice, but after about a week and a half I was incredibly bored. I started looking for jobs and realized how little I wanted to commit living in the city that I was in. On a whim, I applied to an internship abroad and got a couple of days later.\n\nI moved using money from my dad's life insurance and that's where I am now. I'm happier than ever, but in a lot of ways more confused than ever. I realized after about a month of living here that I don't miss my girlfriend at all. I know she misses me because she consistently skypes me crying and messages me talking about how she needs me home, etc. I feel terrible about it. She's a great person, I love her, honestly but I barely think about her. I know it sounds horrible, but I've been having so much fun, feeling closer to myself than ever. Interacting with her feels more like a burden than something to look forward to.\n\nI have a month left in the program, but feel like I need to live here full time once I figure out my visa stuff. I can't imagine moving back home with her, not because it is bad or anything, just because it sounds so boring. I don't know what to do about this and I need your advice. Please let me know if you have any questions and thanks in advance.", "answer": "Seems like the distance gave you pause for reflection, and it seems you've moved on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67isw8", "comment_id": "67isw8"}, {"question": "So tired of ADD flare ups/the cycle! Help? But there is no help", "description": "I do SO WELL for a week, maybe two. And then I get a flare up, or hit a low point in the cycle, I don't know. Two weeks of absolute shit. Really hoping my utter despair yet desire to post this means I'm at rock bottom & am on the way up. I would NEVER but I do understand why people with ADD would want to off themselves...it's torture that (I feel like) I'm doing *to myself on purpose* (I know that's not strictly accurate), and it'll keep happening every two weeks or so forever and ever. And the \"flare ups\" are long enough that it sets back all my progress. So it's like I've just been jogging in place, going nowhere. Failing myself and everyone who counts on me over and over and over and it'll never stop. \n\nI want to say \"help! Help me fix this!\" but there is no help is there, this is just how it is", "answer": "I too get those flare ups in sometimes the same cycle period. Just depends on what is going on around me. I am curious about what the flare up looks like when it starts to turn for you? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60nht4", "comment_id": "60nht4"}, {"question": "Concerned for my son", "description": "I fear that with the news stories of Elliot Rodger having Asperger's that my son will be looked at differently. My son is a gentle and loving boy whose therapists have said has mild Asperger's. But he is still on the autism spectrum. He does tend to have meltdowns in public from time to time. But never displays any violent tendencies. He is very loving towards his two sisters as well as the other children in the neighborhood. He has been bullied by one of his \"friends\", but he doesn't want to tell the kid's parents out of fear that his \"friend\" will get in trouble. I realize that my son is going to go through some tough times. I just don't want people to automatically assume that Asperger's or autistic people are going to become crazy murderers.", "answer": "It's natural to be concerned but I would make an effort to not make an issue out of it unless the issue becomes specifically relevant to him (like if people are saying things about violence to him directly). Most parents are well intentioned, but in my experience, actions of concerned parents can 'stir the pot' and this can be a greater stress to an aspie kid than an issue that may be a valid concern but is not necessarily relevant to the child's firsthand experiences. \n\nThat also brings up the question of whose business it is that he is on the spectrum to begin with. If people don't know, they likely won't talk to him about it. It won't stop all bullying, but may stop the specific type you discuss here. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26ml8d", "comment_id": "26ml8d"}, {"question": "Is it wrongto internet stalk your therapist?", "description": "I saw a post with someone going into details about how they cyber stalked their therapist (nothing illegal) and got a very negative response, with someone saying that their therapist should discontinue, it was a breach in trust, and etc. this made me paranoid bc I did the exact same thing. I googled, facebooked, etc... mine for quite a while. Going pretty deep and managing to find quite a bit with little to work with. If she found out do you think she would be upset? Should I tell her?", "answer": "As a therapist we know that it's pretty likely that some clients we work with are going to attempt to find out as much about us online as possible, so most of us go to fairly great lengths to keep what we don't want seen off of the internet and keep our social media profiles private. Those of us that are less tech savvy and/or aware don't \n\n\nI'd say that it's pretty creepy either way when we find out that this happens to us but whether the therapist should or shouldn't discontinue therapy with you has a lot to do with your reasoning for doing this and whether or not you're willing to own up to it and discuss it with them. \n\n\nI can't tell you whether she'd be upset or not but I do think you should tell her. If your relationship with your therapist is crossing into a place of obsession or boundary crossing, it's better that it be put out on the table and discussed, as whether you like it or not, they may not be the best therapist to help you with whatever it is you're trying to get help with.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ep8v11", "comment_id": "ep8v11"}, {"question": "I (26M) am in love with (28F). Her family hates me. What do I do?", "description": "So I've known this girl for about 3 years. We dated pretty intensely for awhile then things broke off. Recently we've gotten back together but apparently someone (close family) found out about us talking. I know this sounds crazy and it kinda is but weird situation. I really like her and I think we go great together but this is something she's starting to feel she can't cope with. What do I do?", "answer": "Gonna need to know why they hate you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9aw1ni", "comment_id": "9aw1ni"}, {"question": "Help interpreting Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) test results", "description": "I am 28, on the oral contraceptive pill (Diane) and was diagnosed with PCOS years ago. My doctor recently sent me off for an AMH to test my egg count after I suggested my partner and I were not in a rush to have children but want to eventually.\nMy result was 43.0 H pmol/L. The desirable range is indicated as 14-30 pmol/L with < 14.0 pmol/L suggestive of reduced ovarian reserve and > 30 pmol/L suggestive of PCOS. The test also notes that levels are decreased by OC pill.\nMy question is, does the presence of PCOS mean the results are meaningless? Or do I have a high egg count? Was there any point to having taken [and paid $70 for] this test? ", "answer": "I'm not a doctor but my understanding is that an elevated AMH means that your ovaries can be stimulated and that they may be susceptible to hyper stimulation. This will be helpful information for your doctor if you choose to undergo ovarian stimulation, so it wasn't a waste of money. At the least, it confirms that you do not have premature ovarian failure and that you are likely having anovulatory cycles. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3tx28d", "comment_id": "3tx28d"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "jzpges"}, {"question": "I've heard of getting a second doctor's opinion. What's the probability that if the 1st opinion is incorrect, the 2nd would be? Should I get a third?", "description": "General question thinking about those who want another opinion because they feel the first is incorrect or want the most treatment options available.\n\nWhat is the optimal number of doctor opinions to get in order to minimize the chances of misdiagnosis and maximize the number of treatment options?\n\n*This is a general statistical question; however, I am an Asian in my 30's with 100+ food allergies confirmed by two allergists and always wondered what the probability was both were incorrect or that I was missing a potential treatment by not seeing a third doctor. Currently, simply taking omeprazole, ondansetron as needed, and avoiding many foods was the option given to me.*", "answer": "It's a copout, but the optimal number of opinions is an \"it depends.\" It depends on how difficult the diagnosis is to make and how much uncertainty there is. That's an important question to ask. It's reasonable if you're dubious to get a second opinion; if someone else doesn't think the diagnosis/treatment is a slam-dunk but the first one was, even if they agree, then there's at least more margin for uncertainty.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88w8th", "comment_id": "88w8th"}, {"question": "I proposed to my [29M] girlfriend [25F] this past Saturday. She confessed to cheating early in our relationship the next day.", "description": "I posted this in r/relationships but they removed it since they said it's more appropriate elsewhere so I'm gonna try here. \n\nI [29F] proposed to my girlfriend [25F] of six years this past weekend. She said yes, and then confessed the next day that she had been unfaithful early in our relationship. She said it was a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend. \n\nI'm hurting bad over it. She said she needed to tell me because she didn't want to bring a secret into our marriage, and wanted me to be able to walk away easily and without the complications of divorce. She said she's wanted to tell me but she didn't want to lose me and knew she wouldn't ever do it again. She said she was young, and didn't think we'd ever even reach this point. (We both had no plan of ever getting married when we met, but that changed as we got older.)\n\nRight now she's staying at her parents and I'm taking sometime to myself. She is without a doubt the woman of my dreams, but I don't know if I can forgive her. All I've pictured since finding out is her being intimate with someone else. I don't want to continue with the relationship and end up with a wife I resent. But at the same time I don't see myself ever falling in love and connecting with anyone they way I do with her. This shit sucks. \n\nTL;DR Girlfriend confesses to a one night stand early in relationship after proposal. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61caf5", "comment_id": "61caf5"}, {"question": "Getting my friend sectioned. What can he take with him?", "description": "I'm looking to go out and buy my friend a few things before he gets sectioned to hopefully ease his time there. He's into writing and drawing, so I was thinking about getting him a few art supplies, but I don't know what the policy is on pointy objects like pencils. I'm really not sure if they allow you to bring in anything at all.\n\nI was going to pick up a few graphic novels, too, but will he be able to take them? Will violent themes be an issue? Will I be able to bring board or card games while visiting? \n\nAny help would be appreciated. The websites I've found don't really seem to cover this part.", "answer": "Before he gets sectioned? Is he not going in voluntarily? How do you know that he will be sectioned?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kauav", "comment_id": "5kauav"}, {"question": "Help Please: Has Abusing Nitrous Oxide Permanent Damaged my Brain?", "description": "My age is: 32\nMy Height is: 168 cm\nMy Weight is: 102 kgs\nNot a smoker.\nQuit drinking a month ago.\n\nWell 3 and a half weeks ago I made a stupid mistake to try Nitrous Oxide.\n\nI did about 800 + bulbs with 8.5 g of Nitrous per bulb. Did heaps of the 800 over mostly 2 weekends with a few sessions during the week days.\n\nAbout a week and a half ago I noticed that:\n\nMy balance is off. People can't tell when they see me but I can tell I am trying harder to balance than usual. \n\nAlso have a brain fog and often space out or day dream more.\n\nFeel mentally exhausted\n\nHaving trouble doing mental tasks that I could do easily before.\n\nHaving trouble concentrating\n\nIt's been about a week and a half now and I still have these symptoms. Things seemed to have improved a bit but not drastically. Was wondering if and how long full recovery will take. Very scared right now.", "answer": "Nitrous oxide can cause brain damage, especially with heavy use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gs52z2", "comment_id": "gs52z2"}, {"question": "Why do I hold my breath when I cry?", "description": "Female, 28, Caucasian, non smoker, non drinker, 112lbs and 5ft5\n\nWhenever I am very upset I find I have been holding my breath and suddenly will take a gasp of air. \n\nIt\u2019s happened in front of other people too in which they\u2019ve told me to breath and rubbed my back. \n\nI don\u2019t realise it\u2019s happening initially and then a minute or so later I realise and breathe.\n\nWhat might cause this reaction? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "It is common in children, but less so in adults, to hold their breath when in distress. From your story I conclude this has always been the same for you when you cry since childhood? It may be a reflex that in development usually fades, called 'breath holding spell'. I don't think any testing or imaging will reveal why you do this, it's just the way it is for you.\n\nHere is a link to a description of breath holding spells in children:\n\n [http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php](http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php) \n\nDo you ever faint when holding your breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b7q4yr", "comment_id": "b7q4yr"}, {"question": "Who should I talk to about being diagnosed?", "description": "I feel really awkward calling it a diagnosis but I thought that would cover what I meant.\n\nI had a bad couple of years at the start of secondary school( got into a couple fights, bullied quite a lot, etc.) and I spent some time with my school's learning support. The word autistic was bounced around a couple times then everything got a lot better from about year 9 onwards and it didn't really come up again. I wasn't sure if it was recorded until recently one of my teachers had his mark system on the board and I saw that next to my name it said \"autism\" under the special needs section.\n\nA couple of the things I do and say make me think that I'm mildly autistic but I've never done tests( are there tests for autism?) to see whether I am or not. I don't feel that it affects my life in any serious way as I'm happy, confident and okay at handling social situations. However, I want to be more aware of where I stand on the autistic spectrum and how this might affect me and others.", "answer": "Most communities have autism resources. It may be a message board or another kind of support group. I would post a message in/get in touch with one of these asking about reputable psychologists in your area that deals with autism/asperger's. If you can't find anything like that, you could result to calling at least a few local psychologists asking for the name of someone who deals with asperger's/autism.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "wqbos", "comment_id": "wqbos"}, {"question": "I fear that I may suffer from cannabis induced psychosis", "description": "I'm reading reports and articles on cannabis induced psychos symptoms. They are very similar to normal psychosis. It makes sense. I was always anxious. I started smoking weed a couple years ago, summer before I started college. I started using heavy early on. Everyday and sometimes literally all day. \n\nI'm sure it made my anxiety worse. Perhaps borderline paranoia. I think my depression has gotten worse.\n\nI haven't smoked weed for almost 2 days. Really because I didn't have any extra money. But I bought some more today. I rolled a blunt. I haven't touched it yet but I'm thinking about sneaking out and hitting it a couple times. I have family in for holidays. So I may wait till tonight. Hopefully I forget its even out there.\n\nWeed cost me a job. It's cost me a lot o money. But I think the damage is worse than I can see on the surface. My best friend told me I'm not the sane person I was before smoking. I'm not as happy. I'm paranoid. I think weed is turning me racist. My best friend is white but I can't help but think he's plotting against me and he hates me for being black. I'm angry. I hate everything and everyone. Even my self. I'm using racial slurs (the n word with the hard r) and sometimes I turn into a black militant. I'm going crazy.\n\nI suffered from low self esteem before I started weed but I think it's gotten worse. I've been working out more and I've been told I'm making gains. But when I look in the mirror I just see a fat ugly short guy. No one will find me attractive. Not just physically but also because I'm a loser. I live with my mom and currently unemployed. I'm 21 years old and I've dropped out of college twice already. I hate being a disappointment to my mom. \n\nI want to get clean and move across the country. I've always wanted to leave my hometown. I thought I would go to college and get a degree and use that to get a nice job somewhere. But I think weed as made too stupid to get a degree. My plan now is finding a job somewhere maybe Arizona and start training to be a professional wrestler. But I have to get my life together. I have to stop smoking weed.\n\nSorry for this rant. I hope the things I mentioned do not offend anyone. I don't think I'm a racist person. I think the weed made my depression worse and now I hate everyone and everything because I see myself as a failure and I'm attacking everyone. I'm pushing people away. ", "answer": "Dude, I don't think it's the weed. I think you have some serious depression at the very least that your weed use isn't masking anymore", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9y08lv", "comment_id": "9y08lv"}, {"question": "Research Study: Earn up to $380 to Amazon", "description": "We are a Harvard University research team currently working on a study looking at people who harm themselves. The primary goal of the study is to better understand what kinds of thoughts and feelings motivate these behaviors. \n\nWe are interested in recruiting people who use this website and have attempted suicide in the past to participate in our research study. Participation is completely voluntary. \n\nIf you are interested in participating, you will complete an online screener to see if you qualify to participate. If you qualify, you will complete a variety of questionnaires online. The study will take place online over the course of 4 months and you will be compensated up to $350 in online gift cards to Amazon. \n\nA few important things to know about the study are: \n \n*\tThe study includes questions and images regarding self-harm and other unpleasant images. **Some people may feel that these images are disturbing and may find them to be triggering.** \n*\tAll information collected will be kept confidential. \n*\tParticipation is completely voluntary. \n*\tThe link we provide will send you to a website telling you about the study. Once on that site, you can decide whether or not you want to participate. \n*\tIf you start to participate and decide you no longer feel comfortable or you are no longer interested, you can end it without any penalty or punishment. \n*\tWe will provide links to treatment resources throughout the study. \n*\tThis study will include only participants who are 18 years and older. \n*\tIf you participated in the Harvard TEC Study, you cannot participate in this study. \n\nPlease send us a private message if you are interested in participating. To maintain anonymity, please do not respond directly to the post. Once you contact us, we will send you a link to the screening questionnaire to see if you qualify and to tell you more about the study. \n\nThank you for your consideration!\n", "answer": "I'm interested. ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "2orlzg", "comment_id": "2orlzg"}, {"question": "Should I [21/m] tell her [20/f] i'm not looking for a relationship?", "description": "Me and this girl have been hanging out a lot and although we haven't spoke about it, it's pretty obvious this is heading towards a relationship. I want to let her know that I'm genuinely not looking for one before anything gets to serious since I really don't want to lead her on and hurt her feelings. Should I tell her as soon as possible or wait?", "answer": "tell her now, you'll be a stand up guy unlike the pigs of the world who use people", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ie1ov", "comment_id": "6ie1ov"}, {"question": "How much can I tell my wife's psychiatrist?", "description": "My wife has suffered from depression for years. The severity fluctuates -- at worst, she's suicidal and has attempted it before. She's headed there again. I've been through these attempts before, and the signs are clear. Problem is, she stopped taking her medication about six months ago, and has been lying to her psychiatrist about it. I've been supporting her decision and not ratting her out. But, now that she's sliding down so fast, should I tell him? Part of me says yes, because she clearly needs medication, but another part of me knows that if I did that she'd feel so betrayed that she'd become suicidal right now. And by that I mean she'd get a hotel room and kill herself, like she's threatened to do many times before, and not give me the opportunity to intervene like I usually do.\n\n", "answer": "Ultimately, you know the situation, your wife, and her doctor better than any of us. You will have to ultimately use your judgment on what's going to keep her safe and alive. \n\nI would suggest talking to her psychiatrist, if you feel he would e sensitive to your concerns. Maybe you two can come up with a plan to help her? Either way- he needs to be aware that she is not taking her medicine for him to help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ivnl4", "comment_id": "2ivnl4"}, {"question": "Downvotes", "description": "I don't understand people's mass downvotes everywhere else on Reddit. Nearly every time I post anywhere but here or r/pocketcamp, I end up getting downvotes (it's not like I was being rude or mean; I was \"joining the conversation\" or so I thought) and end up deleting it. \n\nAre people just big assholes downvoting for no reason? Like, how is that welcoming to other communities? (Especially the vegan community; why the mass downvotes for seeking clarification on something?) You're pushing people away from the trolley they seek. \n\nOr maybe it's a conspiracy? Trolls downvoting en mass to silence the sensitive. (That's literally what's happening in some conspiracy/Truther communities; the trolls taking over *to* silence the truth.)\n\nSorry for venting. Irl and online I don't often say much, because a lot of times when I open my mouth (or type) I end up being reminded \"Oh. Right. This is why I'm striving to not talk to anyone but my 4 year old.\" Tbh I'm even hesitant to hit Post because some mischievous imps may Downvote this just to fuck with me some more. It's fine. I'll say it's fine. I already want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hang on, though, for the only person who will miss me.", "answer": "It's hard not to separate it from a personal attack, but it's not a personal attack. It's usually a stranger on the internet who has a different opinion, or is an asshole. Neither of which make you awful or bad or less than. Never forget that! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9rktlx", "comment_id": "9rktlx"}, {"question": "The \u201cborderline\u201d girl", "description": "EDIT: to the guys with BPD. Please don\u2019t read this as invalidating your experience. This is just a vent/rant from a female perspective. I fully understand that both men and women suffer equally and in unique ways. Love to all\u2764\ufe0f\n\nEveryone loves a borderline girl. Exciting, adventurous, dramatic, sexual.... until she goes \u201ccrazy\u201d. Then she\u2019s not so hot anymore. Then she becomes baggage. A problem they wish would just go away. And for that borderline girl. When she\u2019s left alone and abandoned, she\u2019s feeling like it\u2019s all her fault. Another person has seen her for who she is - although strong, beautiful and exciting she\u2019s a mess. And for some it\u2019s too much of a risk to take. We just want to be loved, for who we truly are , the good and the bad. Like everyone else.", "answer": "This ruined Garden State for me. I can't watch it now because the dynamic is so sad once you see it.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bfvhbd", "comment_id": "bfvhbd"}, {"question": "My Son Tried To Commit Suicide", "description": "I guess I just need to vent so here goes.\n\nMy son tried to commit suicide yesterday. His mother found him in his room with a cord wrapped around his neck. He was choking himself. Thankfully he wasn't hanging from anywhere. 911 was called and they took him to the hospital. Thankfully, he is okay.\n\nI am hurt and angry. I am afraid. \n\nHe said he didn't want to live anymore because his girlfriend broke up with him. Or attempted to rather. He basically pulled the \"if you break up with me I will kill myself\" line. She ended up coming to the hospital to be by his side.\n\nHe is currently on a 72 hour hold and we hope he makes the most of his time there. He is on medication for his depression and anxiety. He needs to see a therapist, but how do you get an 18 year old to realize they need help and to get the most out of that help, they need to be willing to open up. Opening up means vulnerability. Opening up means trusting the person, and he has a lot of trust issues.\n\nI have been a part of his life for the last 3 years. Before I came along their lives were chaotic and in upheaval all the time. Now with me, they have a calm, peaceful and more importantly, stable life to be a part of. This kid has tested me beyond what I have ever been tested. But I haven't gone anywhere. I have been in the picture, maintaining that stability. I love him like he is my own son. \n\nI am just at a loss as to what I should do. I am doing my best to be supportive, to be there. But I can't stand by and watch him break. How can I get him to realize his life is important, that he matters? That he needs to think about himself & not rely on a woman to make him happy? He has stated that he isn't happy without her. Why should she be guilted into staying? That isn't fair to her either. \n\n \nAgain, I just needed to vent, so thank you for reading.", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I hope your son does get something out of his time at the hospital but he will really need ongoing care. \n\nIf he seems apprehensive or resistant to go going to therapy, I'll tell you the same thing I tell most parents of children they want in therapy or people with spouses they want in therapy but are resistant. Go to therapy yourself, for yourself. Find a therapist you can relate to and feel comfortable with to help you sort out some of your own stuff. Talk about it openly with your family. Let your son see that not only is it okay to go to therapy but that it can be really helpful. \n\nLeading by example or modeling is by far the best thing that you can do to encourage someone you love to really give therapy a chance. Aside from the fact that it would probably help you a lot if you can find a therapist you connect with, it works like great reverse psychology. If you tell him \"you need to do this\" he'll likely rebel. If you show him \"Hey look! I have this awesome thing that I'm doing. I really like it and have found it helpful\" there's a good chance he'll want that too.\n\n\nThink little kids and vegetables. Try to force them to eat them and they'll fight you tooth and nail. Show them that you love vegetables (whether it's true or not) and they'll want what you're having. \n\n\nI hope this helps. Best of luck to you and your family. Stay strong!\n\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9fb5zj", "comment_id": "9fb5zj"}, {"question": "My wife is a stripper and confessed prior prostitution", "description": "So I have been happily married with the absolute love of my life. That being said as in any relationship ours has had trials. I would like to think that anyone in a relationship Who has to deal with everything that comes along with the other half stripping. This includes spending their time spent with other men , dancing, talking, exchanging phone numbers,using their bodies to turn other men on. ( that is to name a few things) would understand that there is a considerable amount of unusual emotions compared to that of a relationship that consists of two people doing \"regular\" jobs. Now to say that I am completely surprised that there has been more that went on in the past would not be true. However I have been assured again and again over and over that \"she has not had to do any of the things that some of the girls do\". This being said. She had specifically told me that she has never had sex of any kind for money since shortly after dating and finding out her career choice of \"dancing\". I did have doubts but the connection and passion that we've had for each other has been unmatched from any of my experiences in the past. When she asked me if I would marry her ( not the usual way it goes I know ) I knew the road that I would be facing ahead of me but I embraced The idea because my love for her was and still is unbelievably strong. I also knew and know that she loves me. I know that her coming straight out and telling me everything during the first month, two, six, even year would be very unnerving and could pose a huge risk of losing the connection that we have. I do not blame her for concealing the truth and lying at the time and I commend her for her honesty at this time. I do not intend on leaving her now or in the future no matter what comes our way we are in this to the end. However after opening up to me about the acts performed and amount of times they were performed for money...I feel, I guess naturally hurt and of course betrayed by the misconceptions and lies. I do not feel trapped although she did confess that by asking me to marry her, her intention was to not loose me because she felt that she could not take that chance. I still care/love, respect her as much now in spite of the prior betrayal. I'm sure because I was privy to the possibilities. I'm sure I will be getting plenty of suggestions for couples counseling although we do not have the budget for such. Before we met she had been making more than enough money, in fact enough money to do just about anything that comes to mind. Since we've met she makes very little money dancing. This leads me to (mostly) believe her when she tells me that since she met me she has not been involved in any prostitution. Now I say mostly because of how many other misconceptions due to her lies there have been.\u2026 It puts a lot into question. If you have not lost interest after my rambling and would be so kind as to offer you're opinion on how to work out the knots and understand the emotions that I am experiencing. EDIT ---(**should I be concerned that she is still making choices to participate in more than dancing?** would I be justified to question her about this?** if so any recommendations on how to approach this conversation with her**)-- opinions or suggestions professional or not it would be greatly appreciated as I of course cannot speak about this to anybody whom I know and do not have the money for professional counseling. Thanks in advance", "answer": "well she should have told you before, but you have to evaluate the present, and if it's been a smooth loving rel.,and you can absorb this revelation, you can move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kbmbq", "comment_id": "5kbmbq"}, {"question": "30m need help with a breakup", "description": "I'm in my first long term relationship (a little under a year). My SO (28f) has been very good to me and I've done my best to do the same but I'm no longer passionate about the relationship whereas she is in love. I feel like staying this long while her feelings/love for me have grown has been a mistake on my part. Its tempting to attribute this to my lack of experience with commitment. I care about her very much and I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks", "answer": "In long term relationships, intensity reduces. but quality doesn't have to. If you bought a beautiful new car, you'd be insane over it in the beginning, but five years later, you wouldn't be all gaga. But you wouldn't trade it in either if you really enjoyed it. Some people confuse that diminishing of intensity with falling out of love.\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tsgbx", "comment_id": "5tsgbx"}, {"question": "Abandonment?", "description": "My mother (PTSD diagnosed Hypertention Type) was forced out of my life when I was 12. She had a very bad cocaine/crack problem. My father and I are civil but I don't interact with him or any of my family at alI. But I have a desire to be around people, ESPECIALLY WOMEN. I have no desire to be develop friendships with men unless I am in a relationship . I am a great , great boyfriend ( i think). The moment I had my acid trip 3 years told me that who I am. I am a person who desires to be liked, I constantly think about what people think about me. I love talking to people about any topic at all. I consider myself philosophical/intelligent. I crave social interaction of any type. My need for social interaction has caused me to not even take care of my own life. How do I fix the desire to be 'taken care of.'", "answer": "Go see a professional therapist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "24bmsp", "comment_id": "24bmsp"}, {"question": "Been in a relationship with my [29/M] girlfriend [26/F] for about 8 months and have recently realized she's not as committed as I am. Not sure whether to take a step back or to end it. Please give advice!", "description": "Let me start off by saying that I do have issues with anxiety. I am currently seeing a therapist and am pretty good at controlling my anxiety, but this situation has me VERY worked up. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated.\n\nBackground: I [29/M] have been seeing my girlfriend [26/F] for about 8 months, though things started to get serious about 4 or 5 months ago (meaning we decided that we wanted to be exclusive). The relationship, overall, has been GREAT. For the most part it's been natural and easy, and relatively drama free compared to my last serious relationship; however, some confusing things have happened recently:\n\n1. She started deleting some pictures of me off of Instagram. She untagged herself in some pictures I posted of her on Facebook. When asked about these things, she told me that she just periodically deletes pictures. \n2. She will make little jokes about our relationship ending. For instance, we talked about buying a tent together. She joked, \"And if anything happens, I'll keep the tent!\"\n3. A few times recently, she has invited others along to hang out with us without running it by me first or asking me if I would be okay with it. \n\nWe have been able to work through small problems before. This time, though, it's different. When I told her I was confused about why she was doing these things as of late, she got defensive. She said she's tired of me nit-picking everything about her. She said that the last time she has had to deal with this much drama, she was in high school and in her last relationship, she never got into any arguments. I do admit that there are other concerns that I've brought to her attention. But according to her, I'm doing it a lot lately and she feels like she's being badgered. I don't want to badger her at all! But I also don't want to feel afraid to talk to her about concerns that I have.\n\nIt also seems that she's not as committed to the relationship. Or when it was new and we were just hooking up and it was easy, maybe this is all she's capable of. \n\nA little bit more about her: she's definitely a very independent woman. She's been on her own since 17 years old. She comes from a big family but she lives far away from them and doesn't feel the need to be in touch with them much. She also works a job as a bartender, which is much different than my structured job as a teacher. She has mentioned that she doesn't want to get married or have kids. These are things that I'm not sure I want (though it would be nice to maybe have that option one day), I just want to be with her! I love the girl. \n\nWe were talking about ending things recently because she said that she feels like she can't always completely be herself. When she said that, my response was \"No, I don't want that AT ALL. And if you feel that you have to change yourself for me, or you can't completely be yourself, then I think I have to make the decision to let you go because I love you.\" The next day, however, she contacted me and said that she didn't exactly know what happened and she does not want to end it. \n\nI wish she still felt that way. :( The other night, we had some drinks. She told me she feels as though she has to censor herself around me, she feels as though I'm making her feel like a bad person when she can't be natural and make little dark jokes about our relationship ending. I tried explaining to her that she can feel free to make jokes like that, I just don't find it funny. It's not like I get angry and yell at her! In any case, she suggested that we \"slow things down.\" According to her, we're still getting to know each other, and maybe we need to figure out if this is the right fit.\n\nWe didn't exactly discuss what slow things down means, but obviously I'm worried. We were out last night at a concert, had a great time together, holding hands and dancing. Afterward, she texted me \"Glad you were there and thanks for being my dancing partner,\" which to me sounds a little too casual or something. Or something like you'd say after a first date. \n\nI feel really anxious and upset over the whole situation. I'm so in love with her. I don't want to end things with her because I'm still clinging on to the thought that if I slowed things down or take a step back, maybe this situation will work itself out. Am I naive to believe that we can maybe work through this thing? Is my anxiety taking a negative toll on me and the relationship? My therapist even suggested that I not be so hasty in ending things, that I take a step back, give her some space, and see if the relationship is still viable. \n\nWhat do you think? I really need your advice here. \n\nSigned,\n\nAn anxious dude", "answer": "Make sure she's not committed. if not, then end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6r14an", "comment_id": "6r14an"}, {"question": "Help a psychiatrist", "description": "The basics: I am a psychiatrist. I intend to remain one. Fundamentally, that probably makes me the enemy to a lot of people here. You can try to convince me that my profession is evil, but I don't think that will be fruitful.\n\nHowever, even if anti-psychiatry carries the day and psychiatry is dismantled, it's not happening tomorrow. There will continue to be psychiatrists, and I will be among them, continuing to provide care as best I can. Your perspectives are valuable to me to try to maximize the good I can do for patients. And if you believe I cannot do good, then at least I can minimize harm.\n\nI work primarily with outpatients, providing medications to many (but not all) and psychotherapy to many (but not all) patients. I also see consults in a medical hospital and, occasionally, provide coverage in an ER and on an inpatient psychiatric unit.\n\nAnd to establish some things: I think there may be a few things that psychiatric units are good for, but there are a whole lot of things that they aren't. I have been thanked for treating someone involuntarily committing someone\u2014twice, I think. [Edit: This is not intended to say that units or commitment are good! But for someone, at some time, there was some good. That seems worth identifying and trying to make available.] I've been cursed at far more, and not without reason; psych units are... not ideal. I think commitment has probably done more harm to patients than good, on the balance. But I'm not the owner or clinical director; I can't change laws or rules or procedures except like anyone else, by lobbying and voting.\n\nAnd for my outpatients, in particular, I'd like your thoughts. None are obligated to come to me, or to take any medication that I (or anyone) recommends. They can lie to me about it, but I ask them to be honest about what they don't take, and at least some are honest with me in saying that they're skipping doses by the day... or month.\n\nBut people are coming to me because something bothers them, and I am providing the help that I can. Sometimes, based on the evidence of studies and my own limited, anecdotal experience, I think medication will help, and offer it. Again, in both studies and experience, sometimes it does. It seems strange to argue that I should stop, or that they are wrong about subjective distress.\n\nAre psychiatric diagnoses problematic? Absolutely. The DSM was written by committee for a variety of purposes, and it shows. There's fuzziness, and overlap and normal variance. \"Depression\" is almost certainly not one neurobiological entity. But in the absence of objective, hard measures, we do the best with what we can to match treatment to problem and provide benefit and relief.\n\nSo, Antipsychiatry, what words of wisdom do you have for me? At least until I'm abolished, how can I do best?", "answer": "I've wandered way into the weeds of debating and defending all of psychiatry. It's interesting, but it's also bigger than a one-man job.\n\nI'll summarize what practical lessons I've gleaned from this.\n\n1. Don't be evil. (In bioethics terms, practice benevolence and nonmalevolence.)\n2. Involuntary commitment is bad. Involuntary treatment generally is bad.\n3. Consensual psychiatry requires a clear statement of risks.\n4. Have processes for accessibility and redress of grievances.\n\nAll good things to keep in mind, but nothing particularly novel.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7txyb2", "comment_id": "7txyb2"}, {"question": "If I hear one more person whine about being in the friendzone I'm going to puke", "description": "I'm sorry if this sounds rude but I am so sick of this trend of people crying about it all the effing time! Seriously its pathetic... They don't find you sexy or attractive. That's why that's all... Cry all you want but its not his or her fault that you don't do it for them... Sorry move on... People always know when they put you there and its always awkward when you know someone likes you and won't let it go... Life isn't fair... Get the hell over it and quit wasting your time. When you post about it the only people who feel sorry for you are just like you. Everyone else thinks its pathetic...", "answer": "No no... you don't understand. \n \nIf a boy rejects a girl, it's because there's something wrong with her (like she's ugly). Because any normal girl can get a boyfriend/fuckbuddy anytime- so stop whining! \n \nIf a girl rejects a boy, it's because she's a bitch. There's nothing wrong with him, he just got friendzoned. \n \nDo you understand yet?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "13tv0k", "comment_id": "13tv0k"}, {"question": "It's March. How do I follow up with my new year resolution?", "description": "I wanted to learn a new skill which will help with my career. I think it only lasted 2 weeks. Everyday I came home tired and just sat in front of the TV and browse Reddit. In those rare days that I managed to go to the gym I have no energy left. December will be here before you know it. What should I do?\n\n", "answer": "\\-is your work/life balance in order? Answer with yes if you come home from work with some energy left to have a private life.\n\n\\-(why) do you really want to improve?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "axft0k", "comment_id": "axft0k"}, {"question": "Realy in need of some help", "description": "First some back story, I'm now 28 and she is 39, she lives in Ireland and me in the UK (35 minute flight) we met on holiday 4 years ago and hit it off immediately, after 3 years of visiting each other we realised we had fallen in love and decided to try a long distance relationship and for a while everything was good but over the last few weeks I've started feeling that the distance thing isn't working and maybe the age gap is too large (11 years) but she can't move here and I can't realy move there so we are at a stalemate.\n\nFast forward to present day and we went on holiday (back to the place where we first met) and it was amazing, one of the best holidays of my life but afterwards I asked where was it going and what was happening in the future and we both kind of decided to break things off as it's maybe for the best.\n\nThing is that even though I brought it up and thought it was right it's eating me up inside, I find myself crying to myself (something I NEVER do) and thinking about her constantly, I feel I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I miss talking to her every day, I miss the fact that I know I will never see her again (she dosent think we can remain friends) and she just sent me the tickets for a concert we were meant to go to together here where I live and it killed me a little inside. I have never felt this low in my life and really don't know what to do with myself, I feel sick my head is pounding and I really don't know what to do and if I made a mistake, we ended on good terms but it's only been a few days and I miss her so much. It feels like I've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend.", "answer": "reconsider. talk to her about reconciling. she seems really special.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zm6mz", "comment_id": "6zm6mz"}, {"question": "Can't stop thinking about an angry note left on my door (NSFW content)", "description": "Rant incoming. I just can't stop panicking about this.\n\nI recently started seeing someone and (for the first time in a long time) things have been going really well so far. We went out a couple nights ago and then he came back to my apartment and spent the night. In the morning, this note was taped to my door:\n\n\"Hello to All Occupants,\n\nWe ALL heard your sexual encounter last night/early this morning.\n\nPLEASE keep your private time private:\n\n- get a new box spring\n-- yours is squeaky\n\n- have sex earlier when we are more likely to be cooking dinner, washing clothes, etc. and wouldn't be able to hear you.\n\n- Please limit the fake moaning and screaming. We know it wasn't that good.\n\n* Loud sex is NOT appropriate late Tuesday nights when we all are trying to sleep in order to work the next day.\n\nThank you!\"\n\nLogically, I know this note is unnecessarily harsh for several reasons:\n\n- Why tape this to my door to publicly shame me when slipping it under the door would have been just as effective?\n\n- This is the first time I've had sex in my apartment for almost a *year* so it's not like this is some kind of repeated offense.\n\n- I've lived here for 3.5 years and it was not any louder than it's been in the past, but this is the first I'm hearing of it?\n\n- We live in an apartment complex where the walls are real thin. I can try to be quieter but people are gonna hear shit no matter what I do..\n\n- They want me to have sex during the day when people are awake and more likely to hear..?\n\n- Y'all, I swear I was not faking. It was just real good sex.\n\nDon't get me wrong: I feel terrible if I kept anyone up and I'm trying to figure out how to keep things quieter moving forward. But that's the thing (and the reason why I'm posting here): I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for days. The notes about the bed frame and my noises in particular have me feeling insanely insecure. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's night - I try really, really hard to be considerate of my neighbors. I was just completely in the moment with this guy who has been wonderful and focused on enjoying my time with him. I know that the next time he's over, I'm not going to be able to get this out of my head and it's going to dampen things for us.\n\nMy anxious brain has been in overdrive. I could move the bed to another part of the room, but I don't know where the neighbor who wrote the note lives so where would even be a better spot for them? I can't get a new bed frame so even if I'm silent, will they still get annoyed by the bed and I'll get another note publicly shaming me in the morning? What if they report this to the front office and a note gets added to my records saying there were noise complaints and that makes its way to my next landlord without me getting a chance to explain? Do I really sound like I'm faking when I'm not? If I change my habits now, will my partner sense a difference and think I'm faking (which in a sense I would be, because it wouldn't be my natural reaction)? Was it really so loud that everyone in my hallway heard or just a next-door neighbor? Do they know who I am? Is this all they're going to think about me when they see me entering my apartment?\n\nA small part of the non-logical animal portion of my brain is so amped up, I've had thoughts of moving. The logical portion of my brain knows that's ridiculous and it was a one-time thing and I'm not inherently a bad person and it'll be okay. But those portions of my brain are doing a shit job of talking to each other so here I am feeling crazy anxious.\n\nIdk why I'm posting this.. I guess just looking for support. It's gotten bad enough that I'm having trouble focusing at work. I know once he comes over again and we're quieter and I don't get another note, I'll be able to relax a little. But this is torture in the meantime. Anyway, idk. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "This is purely meant to shame you into acting the way they want you to act. \n\n\nAs someone who has personally dealt with a lot of shame throughout my life, I can say one of the biggest areas of growth for me is working to feel that I'm worthy of the space that I take up in the world and it's okay for me to live my life, even if by doing so it inconveniences others. I'll never EVER become the asshole who just does whatever he wants regardless of how other people feel so I'm not concerned I'm going to go too far to the other end of things, but it's taken me a long time to feel okay with the space I take up. \n\n\nIt sounds like you're experiencing something similar here. So long as you're not breaking any rules you signed off on when entering into your contract for your apartment, you can do whatever you want in the space that YOU pay for. If they want you to have a less squeaky bed, tell them you'll get one if they pay for it. If they want you to change how you act (even when it's in accordance to the rules of your lease) tell them you'll do so, if they pay your rent. \n\n\nIf it were me.... today... versus when I was much worse with my anxiety over upsetting others, I might leave a note on my door stating those things. \n\n\nComplaints against you to the apartment office are not going to make their way to your next landlord unless of course your landlord is looking for past landlords as references (most don't ever do this in my area, they usually just want to verify your income and get a credit report if anything at all). \n\n\nLastly, you have no idea whether anyone else heard you but your one neighbor. The note wasn't signed by everyone on your floor. The use of \"We all...\" was just another attempt to guilt/shame you and control you into doing what they want you do to. I wouldn't put too much stock into it. \n\n\nYou do you! You're worthy of the space you take up in the world. You have just as much right to live your life and do what makes you happy as anyone else. Given that you pay for your apartment, you have every right to do whatever you want there. So long as it's within accordance to contracts/agreements you've signed and in accordance with the law, nobody has the power to stop you but yourself.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "d6eg50", "comment_id": "d6eg50"}, {"question": "Too many dots connected in a single day. Thank you r/ADHD", "description": "tried writing this 3 times today and always deleted it. but seriously, browsing this sub and watching videos about ADHD (the Ted talk especially) really opened my eyes. too many titles and stories clicked and I can't ignore it or chalk it up as a coincidence. finally feels like I have a fighting chance instead of feeling like lifelessly drifting through motions. already reached out and will try to start treating ADHD asap. thank you for not making me feel like I'm alone in this", "answer": "Hey me too! I'm seeing someone on Tuesday (was supposed to be friday but realised I had to change it). I'm hoping the time goes fast because I'm really nervous. I'm positive that I have adhd and terrified the psychiatrist will tell me I'm making things up and not help me. \n\nToday I had a complete breakdown because I feel so overwhelmed and honestly at a loss what to do anymore. I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life even though I put 110% in. I hope treatment helps because I can't do this much longer. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aie6r0", "comment_id": "aie6r0"}, {"question": "Is hoarding items a common occurrence during post bereavement grief?", "description": "My grandfather recently passed away and has left a lot of items to the rest of the family to sort out. My father was his son and is responsible for some of the house clearing, however, I do not feel he is able to at the moment due to being overwhelmed with grief. He doesn\u2019t show it but it seems to be there. Now that he is acting on the will he has bought some stuff home to sort through and potentially sell but I don\u2019t feel he\u2019ll be in the right place to do it. This means that our (once tidy) living room is filled with various items that once belonged to his dad and any time my mother and I try and confront him about it he becomes very defensive. Is this common with grief and is there a way we can help him along?", "answer": "Well.... time is really the key factor. How long has it been since his father passed? If it was in the last couple of weeks, having the stuff in your living room I'd say would be fairly normal for anyone. He has to take some time to process his grief before he can decide what he wants to keep and what can be thrown out/donated. If it's only been a few weeks, I'd expect anyone to become defensive about moving the things or getting rid of them. If you want to be supportive, I'd recommend learning to cope with the fact that your living room is going to be a bit cluttered until your husband can process some of his grief and sort things out (literally and figuratively). As he gets closer to doing this, it may be helpful for you to offer to go through some of the things with him, talk about what is meaningful to him and what he can part with. It may also be helpful to have the family over for a day to pick out some things they would like to keep. Him knowing that the things are in good hands can help with the process.\n\n\nIf it's been months, the behavior isn't so typical. It's usually a sign that there's something blocking the grieving process and it might be helpful for him to get some professional help with the issue. \n\n\nIn either case, if you don't feel like you'll be able to cope with your cluttered living room, the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him about it and work together to find a workable solution for where you can keep the things in your house that will be more out of the way until he can get around to going through them.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cjunxe", "comment_id": "cjunxe"}, {"question": "Zoloft, Tramadol, and Ibuprofen?", "description": "Hey all,\n\n- 24\n\n- Male\n\n- ~165lbs\n\n- ~6ft\n\n- White\n\nSo a few weeks ago my doctor prescribed me with 50mg Zoloft to take daily, and 50mg Tramadol to take as needed for tension headaches. In the past when my doctor prescribed me Tramadol, it didn't do much in helping my headaches unless I took it with two 200mg Ibuprofen.\n\nI know Tramadol and Zoloft together can result in higher serotonin but my doctor said I would be fine taking both since the 50mg Zoloft is a lower/average dose.\n\nMy question is with the Ibuprofen. I took my Zoloft around 8AM this morning. It is now about 2PM and I have a terrible headache. Would I be okay to take the Ibuprofen and Tramadol? I know that Ibuprofen and Zoloft together can increase the risk of stomach ulcers/bleeding. I'm just a paranoid person and wanted some opinions beforehand.\n\nThanks!\n\nEdit: I also take 10mg Ambien at night.", "answer": "As you say, there is theoretical increase in risk with this combination (or any combination, really) but nothing that makes me concerned. I think it would be fine to add ibuprofen. Or acetaminophen/paracetamol (Tylenol), if that works for your headaches.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8suhlp", "comment_id": "8suhlp"}, {"question": "Worsening chest pain for 2 weeks", "description": "19, female, UK. Been having wisdom tooth problems lately which means I've been on paracetamol for 4 months (ongoing), was on aspirin and tramadol mix for 3, switched to ibuprofen and tramadol mix but stopped ibuprofen and tram 2 days ago due to stomach issues. Thinking gastritis but mainly I don't feel hungry, can't tell when I need a crap, extreme nausea whenever hungry, thinking of food, eating and drinking (even a sip of water makes me wanna hurl), almost vomited yesterday and took me 3 hours to eat 3 slices of toast due to no appetite. I'm rather gassy too. I find eating sweet foods works best, mainly ice cream and yoghurts but I'm unsure all the dairy is best in my condition. Thought this may be linked so worth mentioning, though these symptoms appeared 2 days ago, almost 2 weeks later than my chest pains.\n\nDue to the wisdom tooth, I've been sleeping on my back, and due to a hip injury that's incredibly painful when I move my lower body, I've hardly been moving. Spending lots of time in bed, I can sleep through most of the day because of really bad fatigue, though i wake up every 3-6 hours in pain requiring more painkillers. I really struggle to sleep on my back as I used to always sleep on my right side. Sometimes I slept on my left but my stomach was unsettled and I sometimes woke up with mild chest pain, so nowadays I try sleep on my back despite discomfort. I have woken up around 7am a few times and flopped on my left side though, it was a tad more comfy, then woken up later and got angry at myself.\n\nSo, the actual pain. I've been having chest pain for 2 weeks, it slowly worsening over time, the past few days has been really bad and the past few hours it's at its worst. I've found neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen helped, I haven't tested in the past few hours. Right now I'm laying with my upper back on my pillow, my head propped up with blankets. It's sort of.. Hurting alongside my heart beat, like pulsating. Moving my arms above my shoulders and too far out cause a sudden surge of pain. As does lifting my head, twisting my upper body or doing any movement really. Laying down is slightly less painful than sitting up, sitting up unsupported is pretty painful. Pressing down on my chest also hurts it more. Even breathing in too heavily hurts. In comparison, the headaches I got from my wisdom tooth, I'd take paracetamol and it'd wear off in 2 hours. Right now this chest pain is actually helping me ignore that headache. I've been awake since 2am and I'm very tired but my chest pain is so painful I can't sleep. \n\nI'm sorry for the long post, I wanted to try be thorough. I'd go to the doctors but the risk of hurling is real and I don't want to risk it, I thought it'd be worth a shot here. Is it just muscle pain or something? It'd make sense as movements hurt but it's really damn painful for just pulled/strained muscles. I thought the stomach issues may be linked because of my throat and stomach acid, but like I said, this has been around longer. \n\nThank you for reading!\n\nE before posting: I also just farted and peed myself a bit. Not much, but I guess I have a weak bladder too? I have this big list of symptoms but last 3 times I went to the doctors they shoved me out. I hope somebody can enlighten me on this issue, I'm desperate for anything lol. Thank you so much", "answer": "[Chest pain](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chest-pain/Pages/Introduction.aspx)\n\nSeen your GP about this? Could be lots of things, probably nothing sinister.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vowhj", "comment_id": "5vowhj"}, {"question": "Should I tell my therapist of my drug use?", "description": "Hello everyone. I am a 19y/o in therapy for the second time in my life. I have GAD and probably depression, though it comes and goes.\n\nMy question is do I tell my therapist about my drug use? I\u2019m not an addict or anything. I have been smoking pot for a few years now, use hydrocodone, oxycodone, adderall, and xanax. I also occasionally use ketamine and ecstasy. It helps me with my anxiety and depression mostly. I also have constant nightmares, so it helps to dope myself up before bed. \n\nI am hesitant to tell my therapist about this. I have only been seeing her for a couple weeks and don\u2019t really know where she stands on drugs. The last therapist I saw (when I was fourteen) blamed all my problems on weed, the only substance I used back then. She said she could not help me until I stopped smoking. I just feel like if I tell my new therapist about this, she\u2019ll connect all my problems to the drugs.\n\nI\u2019m pretty stressed and could use some advice. Thank you ~", "answer": "Your therapist must keep your drug use confidential. They should be nonjudgmental but also should review the pros and cons with you so you can make an informed decision.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwzsbr", "comment_id": "bwzsbr"}, {"question": "Wheelchair-accessible-ish caves in the US, and some support please?", "description": "I have hEDS - my joints sublux and hurt a lot of the time, and I have fatigue most of the time. I can\u2019t walk for very long without having to sit, so when I go to museums or amusement parks or the airport, I bring a wheelchair. \n\nI went to Luray Caverns twice before I started needing a wheelchair. I love caves. I love big rocks. I want to see more of them. \n\nI was planning to go to Shenandoah Caverns today, but I can\u2019t handle an hour long tour without my wheelchair, and their site says they have rough gravel paths that aren\u2019t usable by wheelchairs. A quick search of other caverns shows the same thing, rough gravel paths, or lots of stairs. I even called one place that had a modified tour that doesn\u2019t have stairs or steep inclines, and they flat out don\u2019t allow wheelchairs in the caverns at all. \n\nI\u2019m posting this for two reasons. \n\n1) Does anyone have suggestions for caverns near the US East Coast or north and east of, say, Missouri, that allow wheelchairs? I can walk but I need to be able to sit down, and I can\u2019t carry the wheelchair up or down more than a couple stairs at a time. \n\n2) Can someone tell me that it\u2019s ok to be upset by this? It\u2019s the first time that my disability has flat-out ruined a plan that I was really excited about. Usually bringing the wheelchair makes something inaccessible accessible to me and it pains me that my disability is actually stopping me from doing something I love.", "answer": "[Cathedral Caverns State Park](https://www.alapark.com/parks/cathedral-caverns-state-park)", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "de3m8g", "comment_id": "de3m8g"}, {"question": "Why do I [27M] miss cute things from ex-gf [28F] more than the relationship itself?", "description": "I miss things like watching disney films and giving cuddly toys as gifts. Much more than I miss the time spent with her etc. Why might this be? Some kind of childhood issues? I recall my mom trying to please me with toys when I was a kind then pretending to be pleased so she wouldn't be disappointed...\n\n&#x200B;\n\nDon't know how to tackle this...", "answer": "Those things, out of context, look a lot better than the relationship as a whole. Focus on the relationship as a whole and keep moving on. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9s5i4d", "comment_id": "9s5i4d"}, {"question": "Dr suspects 10yo has ADHD; requested he keep a diary/journal to record symptoms between now and next appointment. What's the most useful type of journal for an ADHD kid?", "description": "Dr suggested tablet (don't have) or laptop (kid shares the laptop so not the most practical). Is an electronic journal better than pen and paper notebook? \nAlso should I request this journaling be allowed to happen at school or just keep it for home? Kid will be getting a new teacher soon, not sure who, so that is a bit of an unknown.\nDr has ordered all the appropriate formal testing but it will take a few months to complete.", "answer": "The less screen time, the better for kids, especially with ADHD. Maybe get a regular old blank journal but get your kid some fun glitter pens, markers, and stickers to make it more interesting (since he or she will need to be interested in it to keep it up). Encourage him or her to write down the information the dr wants, thoughts, feelings, etc. and then get creative with some artwork that reflects some of that. Or whatever kind of artwork he or she would like to do.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a79u06", "comment_id": "a79u06"}, {"question": "Besides marijuana, what are some healthy alternatives for dealing with back/shoulder pain?", "description": "Posting this on behalf of my old man.\n\nAge: 45 M\n\nWeight: 160lbs.\n\nHeight: 5' 11\u201d\n\nCaucasian\n\nI had no idea this existed until recently, but my father is severely allergic to the THC in marijuana. Two years ago, he ended up in the hospital because he'd been smoking pot for a while, and it was making him severely dehydrated. So dehydrated, that if we'd waited any longer to take him to the hospital, his organs would've shut down. At the time, he was puking up blood and losing weight at an accelerated rate. \n\nI had no idea you could have such a strong reaction to marijuana, but the doctor said an allergy to THC is not uncommon. As soon as he stopped smoking, he immediately felt better afterwards. He gained all his weight back and had no more problems with staying hydrated. \n\nThe only problem is, my father has severe back and shoulder pain, which seems to be a common trend with all the guys in our family. A week ago, he went back to smoking pot again because he feels like it's the only way he can deal with so much back pain. Otherwise, he can't sleep or function normally.\n\nBut now, we're back to square one. He had to go back to the hospital this weekend because the pot was making him dehydrated and nauseas again. He's nowhere near as bad as he was last time \u2013 but again, as soon as he quit smoking pot, he started feeling better. \n\nBut I digress. Besides marijuana, what are some options for dealing with back pain? His stomach is sensitive to painkillers, so Oxycontin and ibuprofen are a big no-no. Right now, they have him on anti-nausea meds, which seem to be helping. \n\nExercising and working out have helped him, but he's a dude in his 40s who works an office job 40-to-60 hours a week. It's only a matter of time until the back pain comes back from sitting at his desk for so long.\n\nI apologize if this post is unorthodox, or if this isn't the right place for a post like this. But at this point, I'm desperate for any other options. Any advice is appreciated. Cheers!\n\ntl;dr: Father is allergic to THC, but can't deal with back pain except by smoking pot. Need some healthy alternatives for dealing with back pain.", "answer": "https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/back-pain/\n\nNothing rocket science but you never know...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f1b78y", "comment_id": "f1b78y"}, {"question": "I think my friend is a sociopath", "description": "So I've been friends with this guy for almost my entire life, we met in first grade and have more or less got along great since then. About 2 months ago, we went out to an event together, and he got belligerently drunk and started screaming obscenities and acting aggressive towards people around us. The cops were called so we left, but on the way to the car he flipped out and told us to fuck off then stormed away. We didn't live near where the event took place, and after calling him for over a half hour, we finally decided to just drive home. Two hours later he called me and started bitching me out for leaving him behind, called me every dirty name in the book and said horrible things comparing me to my deadbeat father. He ended by saying we weren't friends anymore and that I could fuck off and die. 20 years we've been friends, and he hasn't said a word to me since that night.\n\nThe more I think about this, the more I start to add things up. He's always been emotionally abusive to women, but not up front. After 20 years, I've only seen him lose his cool around me twice, and he made a huge spectacle out of his aggression. He wasn't enjoying a party, so he got up, went to the bathroom and when he came back, started screaming at us and throwing cigarettes at everyone and telling us to \"smoke up\" and that we could all fuck off and do our own thing and that he didn't want to be included. But that was a rare moment. Normally, he's a really friendly, nice guy that everyone likes. Even for me, it's kind of upsetting to see him do this sudden 180 and be like another person entirely. But it just flashes out. It's this quick burst and then he's patching things up, or acting like nothing happened.\n\nHe had a kid and kept it completely under the table, tried to force the girl to have an abortion but she didn't so he convinced her to give it up for adoption. He doesn't tell anyone, he doesn't really seem to care that much about it. He seemed relieved when it was all over. He used to own an animal, and then one day I went over to his apartment and it was gone. I asked him about it and he just laughed and said it ran away. I asked him about it a few times after that and he just shrugged it off. \n\nI really miss my friend, but the more time I spend away from him, the more I think that maybe this isn't the kind of person I should miss. What do you think?", "answer": "At the very least he sounds unstable and dangerous. Sounds like someone to avoid IMO.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2frs93", "comment_id": "2frs93"}, {"question": "Listening to some old presentations I wrote for school, I'm realizing how much people don't realize how stupid weed makes you come across to non-smokers.", "description": "Just another one of those \"things\" i've realized forgoing weed for almost 2 months now. My sense of communication is vastly different now, I was studying and needed to listen to an old presentation I made for school and listened to how I spoke when I was high and the stumbling, forgetfulness and general inability to communicate properly even though I had a paper in front of me was ridiculous. I would get locked up for seconds at a time trying to process the words in front of me and it was sad to listen to and the lower than expected grade I had for that class made so much more sense now. \n\nNot to mention with the clear head I have now being around people who smoke, I won't judge them by any means whatsoever, but I can't believe how some of the smartest people I know just come across so, so dumb when they're high...like they've resorted to an almost child-like demeanor and it's just weird. I'm also starting to understand why my non-smoker friends just sorta stepped away slowly from me, because when you're high all the time proper communication becomes impossible in it's own way and no-one, except the people you're getting high with, *get it in the same fashion you do because you're both down to the same mental capacity*, even if it's temporary. \n\nJust like Frank's Mom said on Blonde on Be Yourself, which I laughed at till I saw it for myself.\n\n> When people become weed-heads, they become sluggish, lazy, stupid and unconcerned. Sluggish, lazy, stupid, and unconcerned. That's all marijuana does to you, okay? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm happy for anyone that feels like they can smoke everyday and it \"doesn't affect them\" but the reality, for most of us is that it's a hindrance to what's real.", "answer": "Now I wonder how many people I meet who I think are stupid but they\u2019re actually just stoners. I never realized how much it affected my cognitive processing until I stopped. SO MUCH DENIAL", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "fd7yta", "comment_id": "fd7yta"}, {"question": "Day 3 im hurting", "description": "Sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. Saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab. \nIn December events out of my control caused me to lose my home. What was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. I spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. I have been homeless for 8 days now. Saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. At 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. I slept on the beach Saturday night. Sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. Sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. Yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. Around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when I closed my eyes. Took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. Today has been the worst day so far. Today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. He wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. I couldn't let him. Ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. I have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. I spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. I dont want to live like this anylonger. Ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. Thank you.", "answer": "Hey, saw this post on new.\n\nYou've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. Everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.\n\nThe scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. Things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.\n\nLike you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. Acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "ae3pvw"}, {"question": "Therapists and psychologists....ever feel like you have no idea what you're doing?", "description": "I have always wondered about that. Do therapists and people in mental health every feel insecure or helpless? The ones I've seen have always seemed fairly competant but it seems hard to know how to treat everything and everybody that comes into your office. Anybody in mental health feel that way? I know as a client I wouldn't be scared if my therapist felt that way. I actually would look at them as human. ", "answer": "Yes. Sometimes the best answer we can give is \"I don't know.\" There have been times where a patient comes in and I have no idea how to help them. I often get a brief feeling of helplessness when it seems like the patient has given up, or isn't even trying. \n\nLike I tell my clients- a feeling is just a feeling. It's neither good, nor bad- it is how we handle it. So I've learned to handle that helplessness feeling by consulting with my colleagues to get good advice on how to handle a situation, or how to help a patient.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "27x1lu", "comment_id": "27x1lu"}, {"question": "me and gf having a \"break\"", "description": "is it ok if i send her happy birthday wishes whilst we are apart ?", "answer": "For me, it all depends on who requested the break. If it was her, no, respect the break...even on her birthday. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "xav91", "comment_id": "xav91"}, {"question": "I made an appointment for therapy but I canceled.", "description": "I was going to go talk to someone at the local university Psychological clinic, but I called back and canceled a day later. I just couldn't bring myself to whine to someone half my age about my problems. \n\nAnd I didn't know what to tell them if they asked me about suicidal thoughts or feelings. Truthfully I think about it daily, but I don't want to tell that to someone who could have me locked up.", "answer": "Thinking about suicide daily is not grounds for them to call the authorities. Like others have said you have to demonstrate that you are an *immediate* risk. They might ask you about suicidal thoughts on your first session. I would be surprised if they didn't. But if you are honest with them, and you are not threatening to harm yourself they are not going to call the authorities (i.e. \"I think about it a lot, I want some help with that, that's why I am here-because I do not actually want to do it, but I still think about it all the time\"). If you do actually want to harm yourself *now*, then maybe hospitalization would be helpful for you. \n\nAlso, no matter what you have to say it is not whining. Therapists are there to help with a vast array of problems. Some of those problems are more serious than the ones you have, some of them are less serious than the ones you have. No matter what you talk about the therapist's job is to be there with you and help you get to a better place. They are not judging you, or your problems. \n\nI hope that you do make an appointment and follow through with it. The hardest part really is getting through that first appointment and realizing that a lot of the fears you have about treatment are not reality. A professional can be so much more helpful for giving personalized care than anonymous people from the internet. However, if you choose not to make another appointment then please keep talking to us here. There are a lot of people that care about you, even if you don't care about yourself. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone. \n\n**tl;dr: You have to be in immediate danger of harming yourself or someone else, they cannot lock you up for just thinking about it. Talking about your problems is not whining, that's what therapists are there for. Please keep searching for help, even if you don't get it at the clinic.** ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "cw93k", "comment_id": "cw93k"}, {"question": "What's the highest dose the adhd meds that you know someone (or yourself) takes daily?", "description": "I'm just wondering. I take 20mg adderall IR in the morning and 10mg IR in the afternoon and while I don't feel the need to go up anytime soon, I'm wondering if I should even consider taking 30mg in the morning a realistic option for the future :P\n\nRemember to mention if your medication is IR or XR, and when you take your doses.\n\nAlso, here's a cool page I found: http://www.cms.gov/Medicare-Medicaid-Coordination/Fraud-Prevention/Medicaid-Integrity-Education/Pharmacy-Education-Materials/Downloads/stim-adult-dosingchart.pdf", "answer": "I take 40mg Adderrall XR. 20mg in morning, 20mg at noon. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2gjaw8", "comment_id": "2gjaw8"}, {"question": "My Sister opened up to me about some possible psychosis, looking for direction.", "description": "Hi. Recently my sister opened up to me about seeing some spirits chasing eachother. I was very surprised by the conversation, she has had some history with hallucinations, the one or two times that her friends have convinced her to smoke marijuana. She talked to me as if this was something normal to her though, she said they are also in her dreams. I didn't really know what to do, but I just kept her talking about it, I figured I might not be much of a help to her, but I wanted as much info as I could. I really just need to know what would be the best support for her right now, she lives below the poverty line and does not have a good support system around her (my family is very religious and doesn't necessarily believe in mental health). With the pandemic I assume most therapy is online right now? Is there somewhere I can point her that would be the most helpful for her to sort out what's going on in that noggin? \n\nI'm in Ontario and she is on ODSP, so maybe there is a government supported service?", "answer": "I can't diagnose her over Reddit , but based on this info , it sounds like it may be cannabis induced psychosis, rather than a psychiatric disorder .\n\nIf this continues , she definitely needs to talk directly to a professional. \n\nhttps://www.psychiatrictimes.com/substance-use-disorder/cannabis-induced-psychosis-review", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fuiubj", "comment_id": "fuiubj"}, {"question": "Hit two weeks...", "description": "Made it two weeks without touching a drop yesterday :) was so proud of myself! Have been feeling good and thinking about getting back to training in martial arts. In fact can't wait to! Then the evening draws in and i find myself at the supermarket, picking up the few usual bits and remembering that it's mothers day on sunday... 'I'll pick her up a bottle of wine' i think.. And find myself with an extra, for me. Should i feel bad about this? The wine didn't last two minutes which to me says i'm still not fixed... will i ever be? Although i feel sure i can now get through the week without an alcohol crutch, i'm still scared of returning to that mentality of 'drunk is better'.. That one bottle reminded me that in my head i still feel like i function better on alcohol. Which isn't the place i want to be in. Now need to fight even harder to stay strong for the rest of the weekend!", "answer": "The term 'fixed' within the confines of sobriety is, in my personal opinion, a fallacy. To your question, \"will i ever be?\" My answer to that if you are indeed an alcoholic is, no you will not ever be fixed. Our disease is always laying in wait, ready to pounce the second we take the first drink, and it's not just gonna go back to normal if you've been sober for x number of days, it will be the same ugly bastard it was the last time you hit bottom. A man in my home group spent 10 years in prison, and he always says, each day he receives a reprieve from his disease, not unlike that of a death row inmate getting a reprieve from the governor. \n\nJust remember that you can do this. It always helps me to look at it as, that first drink is death. It is a serious serious disease, but you can survive it and you can recover.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "19ypn0", "comment_id": "19ypn0"}, {"question": "Would anyone be interested in a group support chat?", "description": "It could be on any platform you guys feel like, Snapchat, Kik, discord. Basically we could all just vent whatever we are feeling on the chat, and we could all sort of support eachother. Everyone would be welcome, and we could all just talk about whatever we want. Anyone up for this? Please PM me or comment if you are. Thanks \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "I'd be in!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "79j8e2", "comment_id": "79j8e2"}, {"question": "How long does SSRI discontinuation syndrome last ?", "description": "So I've been off my medications for a few weeks now b/c I have no vehicle and no transportation so no way to get to a doctor for appointments etc to get medications.\n\nSeveral weeks later I am STILL getting the freaking brain zaps. Actual mood side effects, none that I can tell (other than being a bit easier for internet trolls to provoke), but it's getting somewhat nuts.\n\nAre these something I need to learn to live with, or do I have another several weeks of this before they subside?? Admittedly they're not as BAD now as they once were (what used to be a discombobulated near-seizure like jolt is now just an annoyance matched with a fraction of a second of blindness).. but it still seems like I've been off of the Zoloft for long enough that there shouldn't be any side effects.\n\nTo be clear, I didn't just go off cold turkey, either. I was at 200mg, then went down to 100mg, then 50mg, then 25mg.. then finally off. It was a gradual process. I had NO noticeable side effects until I got to the 50mg mark, but as I said, I was running out of my medications so I had no choice other than to keep going.\n\nUnfortunately, even [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome) hasn't been terribly helpful in telling me what to expect.\n\n... now the disclaimers.\n\nI know none of you are doctors. I am not seeking medical advice, merely personal anecdotes and stories.\n\nedit: Coincidentally, I threw my back out the day after posting this, and the muscle relaxers+pain killers got rid of the zaps completely. Even now that I'm not on the painkillers anymore (ran out, back still hurts, boo) and only take the muscle relaxers at bedtime (Flexeril REALLY puts you to sleep!), no moar brain zaps.\n\nSo, got my answer, but leaving the post up in case someone searches and has a similar problem. ^^", "answer": "Experienced it. If you are feeling the symptoms to the point of is obstructing your life/intense symptoms, you need to taper off more slowly. You might need to be at one dose for weeks, even a month before lowering it even another 5mg. don't rush it.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wzj6j", "comment_id": "wzj6j"}, {"question": "Advice on early childhood experience", "description": "I know a lot of children explore their bodies and sometimes do so with friends, but I have a memory from kindergarten that has stuck with me throughout the years. As someone who's experienced sexual assault on different occasions, I'm wondering if this early experience could even be classified as trauma and what I can do to get past it. I've mentioned this experience to a professional previously and they basically dismissed it as nothing.\n\nI remember being in the back on class at a table with another kid. His parents ran the school, which was very small, a few kids to each grade. I think it may have been snack time and he turned to me and asked me if I wanted to play a game that he plays at home with his family. I said yes. He told me to pull down my tights and underwear so I did so and he touched me down there. \n\nI got home that night and was having dinner. My parents asked me how my day was and I mentioned that so and so touched my \"private parts\". Not knowing there was anything wrong with this. Of course my parents were not happy and came to the school to speak with the principal, his father. I dont really know what they discussed but all I was told was that people werent supposed to touch me there and I dont think we spoke of it ever again. I think a lot of shame stems from this experience but I'm not sure because I dont speak about what happened with anyone. \n\nI have flashbacks of this memory often and feel disgusting and naked when I do think of it. I dont know what to do. And I dont want feel dismissed again like I did when I brought it up to that professional. Am I just overreacting? I know it's common for kids to play and explore but I felt like I was tricked into something even by a child my own age. And it kind of disturbed me that he said it was a game his family played at home.\n\nAny help or advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Please no negative comments. It's taken me years to even bring this up.", "answer": "I think this is one of those situations where teo things can be true. The other child's behavior could be within the range of typical childhood exploration AND you be legitimately victimized by it. One does not invalidate the other .\n\nGenerally speaking, this behavior alone is not cause for concern (same age, nothing particularly violent), but that only speaks to the child who did it. That doesn't mean your feelings are wrong. You aren't overreacting.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hoj01k", "comment_id": "hoj01k"}, {"question": "An actually affordable app for anonymous group therapy", "description": "Hi, reddit. I'm the founder of gr\u00fcp, pronounced \"group\". I am fully recovered from my fucking awful mental illnesses, but I wouldn't have been able to do that without group therapy. Here's why group therapy works: \"You control, and are ultimately responsible for, what, how much, and when you tell the group about yourself. Group therapy is often more enriching for some than individual therapy. You can benefit from the group even during sessions when you say little but listen carefully to others. Most people find that they have important things in common with other group members, and as others work on concerns, you can learn much about yourself. Group members may bring up issues that strike a chord with you, which you might not have been aware or of known now to bring up yourself. A natural process or enhanced acceptance of self and others occurs as one learns to relate more honestly and directly with others in the group\" (https://healthandcounseling.unca.edu). Currently, group therapy on average costs $50 per session. One session per week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year, costs $2,400. We are making an app for anonymous group therapy that's as cheap as Spotify premium. Essentially, you'd be able to sign up for chat/audio group therapy led by other users who've gone through whatever you are going through now. Check out our demo on the website and see what other people are saying. We are spreading the word, so give us a like on www.facebook.com/ourgrup to follow our progress. We also welcome feedback, anonymous or not. Just use the bottom part of our website, www.ourgrup.org. Thanks :) - Rayna", "answer": "Hey! This sounds amazing! Can you provide a little bit more detail about who runs these groups? Thank you so much :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fnqhf", "comment_id": "3fnqhf"}, {"question": "Choosing a psychiatrist; is this normal?", "description": "So I was at my first psychiatric appointment, and I turn in an exhaustive list of symptoms and background information and finally get to talk to the guy. We talk a bit about my problems, and he seems to be pretty approachable. When he gets around to the meds he will be prescribing, he mentions only one called Vyvanse- I'm suspicious as to why he'd only mention one medication as opposed to discuss the different medication types. \n\nTo those who have visited a psychiatrist before: is it normal if a psychiatrist doesn't discuss the process of finding the right medication ? I don't mean that they discuss with you what medication to take, but that they discuss how they arrived at the medication.", "answer": "It depends on the psychiatrist, really. However (having worked in a practice with 3 psychiatrists), they are generally open to questions and will explain their choices as they want an informed patient. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3ez2tx", "comment_id": "3ez2tx"}, {"question": "Hit Rock Bottom This Past Weekend", "description": "Went to my fraternities party and drank way too much. All I can remember is filling up half a cup with vodka and the other half with mountain dew. Next thing I know I woke up in the morning on my friends couch with a trash can in front of me and cuts all over my body. He told me I reached up under a girls skirt, punched a guy in the face, tried to fight multiple people, and fell into some hedges. I remember NOTHING. That is not who I am in real life and the feeling was gut wrenching. \n\nThe fraternity has decided to suspend me since this is not the first time I have had such behavior. I've already been to the hospital twice for heavy drinking and blacked out 7-8 times THIS SEMESTER alone. Each blackout has resulted in inappropriate sexual advances, becoming physically aggressive, and sometimes getting into physical fights. \n\nI have a feeling it's because me and my girlfriend of 2.5 years split up in January. It wasn't a bad breakup, and I actually wanted to breakup because I was not feeling love for her anymore, but it is a weird life for me after giving my total self to someone for such a long period of time and then having her completely removed from my life. I'm currently looking for a therapist that can get me back to my normal state so I can go through life like a normal human being. \n\nI've decided to stop drinking and it has been 4 days. I hope I can keep it up and would appreciate any tips you guys have to resist the temptation. \n\nTLDR; Had terrible behavior over the weekend, I've decided to quit for good. ", "answer": "Bottom is where you stop digging. Getting sober young is hard, I did it at 17 with the help of AA. I suggest you find a program of recovery and get down to business.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23pe61", "comment_id": "23pe61"}, {"question": "How do I make my family understand?", "description": "Why I cant holdor get a job. Why a freak out sometimes. Why I do drugs to numb the pain.\n\nPTSD from severe childhood molestation. From age 6-11. Anxiety disorder. Major Depression. Drug addiction. Treatment resistant. \n\nI live with and am supported by my parents. I have 4 serious suicide attempts. 3 cry for help attempts. 3 rehabs. numerous doctors, counselors ect. Currently on Seroquel, kolonopin and gabapentin. methadone clinic as well to treat my heroin addiction. \n\nParents are fucking saints. They pay for it all even though I am 28. They try to help but just don't quite get it. It would be easier if I had cancer. Something physical they could understand. Instead I have cancer of the mind. So I had a psychotic break 4 days ago. Family is pissed hurt scared ashamed ect. I am just over it. Ready to die or at least leave there lives so they have peace. \n\nWhat do I do to make them realize I am in pain. That I love them enough to leave them? What do I do?", "answer": "Have your parents ever attended an appointment with you (therapist or psychiatrist) to get some psychoeducation? Seems like the first step. I think family therapy could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l9z3t", "comment_id": "5l9z3t"}, {"question": "calcium channel blockers", "description": "Age: 24, weight: 210, height: 6'1.\n\nIf calcium channel blockers lower BP by preventing calcium from entering heart cells and blood vessels, how come milk reduces BP if it gives you a lot of calcium? I drink a lot of almond milk but my BP stays around 130-150 systolic and 90-110 diastolic...Exercise 5-7 days a week. Changing up my diet to literally try and consume no salt to see if that helps.\n\nJust checked BP now its at 133/77", "answer": "Milk doesn't reduce blood pressure. Diets containing milk have a correlation with reduced blood pressure, but correlation is not causation and there are many confounding variables.\n\nIn any case, calcium channel blockers work by preventing calcium ions from entering smooth muscle cells in the heart blood vessels. Consuming food or drinks with calcium puts calcium in your gut and eventually in your bloodstream, but the extracellular amount (in your blood) is not what matters; it's the amount that goes from extracellular to intracellular that makes a difference, and that's what calcium channel blockers alter.\n\nAlso, even the extracellular calcium level is highly regulated. Even drinking a lot of milk won't dramatically raise blood calcium levels, which is a very good thing for the safety of milk drinkers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p3kh2", "comment_id": "9p3kh2"}, {"question": "I (F22) just turned 22 and I am petrified of \"growing up\"", "description": "All of my mental issues aside, I am extremely scared of becoming an adult. I feel like I was just 17 a moment ago and don't feel ready to take on responsibilities. I have a job and go to school while living with my parents but I can't imagine moving out and living on my own any time soon... I feel like I would end up homeless or getting too depressed and hurting myself. Does anyone else experience this? I just feel like a kid still...\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTl;Dr: I feel like a kid and am scared of taking on more responsibilities. ", "answer": "I don't think anyone ever truly feels like \"an adult\" no matter how old or what their life situation is. Most of us are just winging it and doing the best we can. A lot of people avoid \"growing up\". More responsibilities mean more stress, but they also mean more freedom which for most folks is completely necessary to living their best life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qxnn6", "comment_id": "9qxnn6"}, {"question": "Trazodone question", "description": "Hi internet,\n\nTL;DR ALERT: ARE THESE SYMPTOMS I PUT IN ALL CAPS BELOW NORMAL WHEN REDUCING DOSAGE OR CUTTING TRAZODONE ALTOGETHER\n\nI've been using trazodone as a sleep aid for nearly 5 years now (add and depression meds had me up all night prior), but due to what i feel is borderline physical dependency, I am looking to get off of it.\n\nBACKSTORY: I used to take 150mg, which would knock me out within 25 minutes, but I cut down to 100 about a year ago with little to no impact on sleep, just had to wait about an hour before it knocked me out. \n\nThe reason i cut down was if I mistakenly missed a day, my body would be a mess the next day. MY BODY TEMPERATURE WOULD FLUCTUATE LIKE CRAZY, I'D FEEL COLD ONE MOMENT THEN ON FIRE THE NEXT. SWEAT TO CHILLS TO SWEAT TO CHILLS ON AND ON. I'D ALSO FEEL A BIT LETHARGIC AND WOULD GET UP MAYBE 2-4 TIMES EACH NIGHT I FORGOT, although falling asleep again was fairly easy.\n\nI am looking to cut down again (from 100mg to 75mg) and looked up common symptoms of Trazodone withdrawal, but I didn't find much in the way of what i experienced. So, I'd like to ask both med professionals/med savvy people and those who have been in the same boat: are these withdrawal symptoms normal and common or should I be concerned about my voluntary weaning off of this? Thank you!", "answer": "They're not typical, but id still attribute it to your experience of cutting down your trazodone. Nothing dangerous though. Are you keeping your prescriber aware of your dose reductions and adverse experiences?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qokbh", "comment_id": "6qokbh"}, {"question": "How come I [19/f] have so much trouble making friends?", "description": "I have been a quiet individual my entire life, but this is only with strangers. For some reason, I have never had many friends, and the friends that I have made over the years have just distanced themselves from me and vice versa. My boyfriend has tons of friends, and I think I'm getting jealous and lonely because when he is with friends I have no one. I am a decent looking person, I am really caring, and I am intelligent. I have talked to people in some of my classes at college, but the conversations never get anywhere. It seems as if everybody has their friends and doesn't want or need anymore. I participate in clubs, but no one really talks there. If they do talk, it's the group of people that are already friends. It'd be awkward if I just walked up to them and tried being friends. You can't just get into someone's friend group like that. I don't really know what to do anymore.", "answer": "try meetup.com", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63hu49", "comment_id": "63hu49"}, {"question": "Wish me luck..", "description": "I'm (24m) going to confront my wife (25f) about a Snapchat message I saw this morning. I couldn't find my phone this morning so I used hers to call it. Idk what compelled me to look at her conversation with one of our friends, but it said \"Alright my love. I'll text you in the morning. Have a good nights sleep \ud83d\ude18I love you.\" Wtf is that all about. So many questions running through my head. What have they done? When did this start? And the biggest of all: why? Like the subreddit just needed to share. ", "answer": "marriage counseling is always an option", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o15bu", "comment_id": "5o15bu"}, {"question": "How did you try and fix your relationship after you or your SO cheated? I am [23 M] and my SO is [23 F].", "description": "To make a long story short, one of has cheated and we are trying to fix our relationship. We both know that we are in love and had a happy relationship with one another. It was an unemotional encounter which ceased almost immediately from overwhelming guilt, but cheating is cheating. We both have never been in a situation like this but agreed that we are willing to take the chance and try. \n\nI know Reddit is harsh on cheaters and will say it will not work right off the bat...BUT if we were to try and make it work, any advice? \n\nIn particular, the timing how long we need a break for and what steps we would both go through. Any comments are appreciated. \n\nThank you for reading!\n\n\u2014 Edit\n\nWe are both new to this and are trying to make it work because we did have a great relationship and we are both in love. We have experienced a lot together and would like to continue, but there are things that need to happen (I think) in order to properly fix what is broken. \n\nI\u2019ve read a lot of articles, I\u2019ve probably read more in these last few days then I have my entire life. The majority of the articles say that space needs to be given, but it doesn\u2019t specify how much just because every one is different. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78f7yh", "comment_id": "78f7yh"}, {"question": "How does one create their feelings of content/mental wellbeing from within instead of letting external factors dictate it?", "description": "During my most vulnerable stages of depression and (social) anxiety, only thing that determines my state of feeling \u201ccontent\u201d or \u201cokay\u201d are outside things. If I\u2019m feeling lonely or like a friendship is dwindling for example, the only thing that\u2019ll make me feel \u201cokay\u201d is getting a massage from that specific person. I\u2019m so tired of feeling this way. I\u2019ve legit let small trivial things like that ruin my whole day and will flip a switch at the drop of a hat the minute the one little thing that\u2019s bothering me stops happening. \n\nLetting outside factors determine my levels of content has really messed me up and 1000% has made me overlook and take for granted the things that should be important to me. I don\u2019t know how to \u201cundo\u201d this way of thinking and quite frankly don\u2019t even know where to start. I go to therapy and don\u2019t really thing it\u2019s helping lol.", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nWhat kinds of benefits do you get out of this thought process? If it was 100% hurtful and not helpful in the slightest, you wouldn't have any motivation to continue doing it. It might seem like a callous question, but these processes get encouraged and reinforced SOMEHOW. What else is going on that this process lessens/facilitates/puts you at ease in some way?\n\nGenerating internal well-being consists of a lot of different things. When someone has an external locus of control (they either allow outside circumstances to dictate their own actions or being and subsequently may also have an urge to control outside factors despite lack of power), they learned that from somewhere. Developing a better internal locus on control (separating outside external processes from internal processes and self-modulating from within) includes un-learning previous behaviors and processes and putting active energy to redirect them.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ecp7tr", "comment_id": "ecp7tr"}, {"question": "Is there a type of doctor who can teach me not to be awkward? I am not even sure what I am doing to be awkward but I know I am.", "description": "If I don't fix myself I will eventualy kill my self in a few years. I have no friends and I want to be social. ", "answer": "You should see a counselor. A counselor can help you work on social skills, and also on depression.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1ahtnp", "comment_id": "1ahtnp"}, {"question": "What to ask for if you haven't had a checkup in a very long time", "description": "I've not been to a doctor in probably twenty years. My new job has full medical coverage and I'm a 28 year old male, so I think I want to get checked out but I'm not sure what to ask for. Would I also be able to ask for blood work to be done, so it's a bit more than a simple physical? What type of doctor do I try and find? \n\nThanks for any advice. ", "answer": "If you're feeling well, do you need to get a check up at all?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vlovb", "comment_id": "5vlovb"}, {"question": "Question, please don't laugh or do", "description": "Why am I a sassy sexy ass confident happy intelligent funny creative kind loving ambitious responsible driven independent healthy woman until I get into a relationship?", "answer": "We would have to get to know you to answer that. Real therapist, perhaps?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bt0urc", "comment_id": "bt0urc"}, {"question": "Did he only use me for sex??", "description": "I met this guy a couple of weeks ago and we texted all the time we met up a few times and the last time we met up (Friday) we had sex several times while we were talking (before having sex) he told me that he really liked me several times and after we went on dates he told me he really liked me and we had really good conversation on all the dates and he told me he enjoyed them and they were fun anyways I went over on Friday and we had dinner and then we had sex and watched a movie and cuddled and talked some more and everything was good he was still really sweet and all and we talked about where we stood exactly and he said we're seeing each other and we're just going to go with the flow and he said he wasn't seeing anyone else and I left later on and then when I left I texted him saying I know you said you weren't seeing anyone else but that also means you don't want to see anyone else right? And he never replied to my text and it's been a whole day which is super unusual because he always replies so pretty much did he just use me for sex and everything else was an act? Also what should I do? Do I text him again and confront him or do I not say anything?", "answer": "depends what you want. if you want a real relationship, than pursue that line of questioning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tmqz7", "comment_id": "5tmqz7"}, {"question": "I am quitting drinking. Detox questions.", "description": "Hello, I have made the choice to kick alcohol to the curb because it sucks. \n\nI am 32, Male, 5'10\", 235lbs, White\n\nI already have a fatty liver and high cholesterol. I HAVE to quit. But it is my choice to quit. \n\nSo, worried about detoxing but I know I am no where near the extreme levels some alcoholics do. Some people tell me I am not even an alcoholic because I don't \"get the shakes\" and other crap like that. \n\nHowever, I can't tell you my average drinks because I don't track or remember, but a typical night is 6 beers, maybe a shot or two if I am not feeling the buzz. I can and have killed a pint of whisky in one sitting, no issues, topped with a few beers. I haven't done that in a while though. \n\nProblem is, I drink a lot because I have always had a naturally high tolerance for booze. For the last 10 years, I mainly drank on the weekends, if I drank at all. But, the last two years I have been increasing and especially over the past year and a half, really increased. Especially when I am alone, if the wife is out of town, or I, like I am now. I have killed 6 beers and a few shots the past three nights in a row, in a two or three hour period. Anyway, how likely am I to detox? I know I will have withdrawal symptoms regardless, but am I at the level of drinking that should require an MDs assistance? \n\nAlso, while on the subject, what other than Omega 3 can I take to help knock down the fat in my liver a little quicker, tired of feeling like a softball is in there. I have changed my eating habits drastically, take fenofibrate and omega three (2x a day on the Omega) but is there anything else? I know the Broccoli family is great at helping as well. But I am serious as a heart attack here. I am done. This shit ends as of 11 pm last night. \n\nQuit smoking 7 years ago, change my eating habits 6 months ago, now for the finale two. No more beer, and no more couch potatoe. More water and more exercise. \n\nAlso, I drink a shit ton of water. Close to 3/4 or a full gallon a day, always have. Honestly, I swear I get hung over from not drinking enough water by the end of the day. haha, kidding. But seriously, I know around 3pm if I have not consumed enough water, and drank to much caffiene. I start to feal like total crap, until I am able to rehydrayte. \n\nI am also on 150mg of Zoloft, 2 of Xanax, 60 ER Adderall and 150Mls of Testosterone IM injections (weekly) just fyi. Yes, it's all legal and all prescribed, and no, I do not abuse any of these medications. The only abuse I have ever done is Alcohol and Smoking (dipping back in the day too! lol) Thanks. I look forward to becoming a member of the healthy society. ", "answer": "I have no idea why you are prescribed most of your medication given your alcohol history, but hey ho.\n\nTo clarify, youre not typically drinking daily and on days you dont drink youre not suffering any significant withdrawal symptoms? If so then you should simply stop. Id still advice seeking professional support though im assuming you are in the US where addiction services are patchy.\n\nIt sounds like you're not dependent on alcohol but definitely using it in a harmful fashion. Good job in choosing to change your lifestyle.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6yvq3f", "comment_id": "6yvq3f"}, {"question": "I'm an Alcoholic", "description": "New around here, so a little background on me. I'm 25, and I've abused alcohol heavily since I was 19. It started off as a weekend thing, then I went to college and it progressed to 2 days, then 3, fast forward and I'm getting drunk mainly on my own as much as I can because I feel empty inside all the time, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. I want last night to be the last time I do it. Never thought I'd admit to being an Alcoholic at 25 but hey, here we are. ", "answer": "Damn I wish I had gotten sober so young. Congrats. \n\nAlso it\u2019s really common for folks with ADHD to end up with addictions if that helps you forgive yourself a little. Are you going to try meetings or anything? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "78rfq9", "comment_id": "78rfq9"}, {"question": "After car accident - need advice about chiropractor", "description": "Age 26, female, non-smoker, 5\", 130lb, not taking medications, no previous issues.\n\nHi guys! I was hit in a multi car accident(multiple impacts), went to the ER on the day of accident. ER doctor gave me muscle relax medicines, said I have a minor concussion, and may see rash on seatbelt area, see doctor again if pain doesn't improve.\n\nAfter a few weeks, at fault insurance company accepted liability, said \"see a chiropractor if you think you need to\". At this point I don't feel much pain anymore, but I was a little worried about hidden/lasting problems, so I went to a chiropractor.\n\nchiropractor did x-rays and some exams, and said my neck is too straight (supposed to be curved?), hip bone is not balanced (tilted slightly to left side?), and spine is also not straight. Also tissue problem in upper back.\n\nThen he went on to say I need to come in 4 times a week, for as long as it takes, potentially a few months, a year if things don't get better.\n\nHe also said don't worry about the bill, since at fault insurance accepted liability.\n\nMy question is, is this treatment 4 times a week (40 minutes each), really needed? thats like 16 times per month. I am unsure if chiropractor is trying to get as many sessions as possible.\n\nWhat should I do to understand whether I have recovered enough to stop going to the chiropractor?\n\nThanks for any advice!", "answer": "Chiropractors are not medical practitioners as doctors use the term. They are a form of alternative medicine, and are neither evidence-driven nor supported by evidence except for very limited evidence that they can help with lower back pain. Their diagnostic techniques, in particular, are rife with pseudoscientific recognition of problems that aren't real.\n\nIf you aren't in pain, you don't need to see a chiropractor. If you are in pain, or worried, you should see a medical doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bxo7c5", "comment_id": "bxo7c5"}, {"question": "venous insufficiency and anti depressants?", "description": "My psychiatrist just ordered me to take some generic citalopram, and with my recently diagnosed venous insufficiency it makes me afraid of two scenarios. One, that the chemicals could build up down there and not go completely away if I need to switch to another pill, or that it might affect the efficiency of any antidepressant somehow. \n\n\nI did mention this to him but he said I shouldn't worry about it, nevertheless I'd like a second opinion. I was told by the doctor that diagnosed me with it(vascular specialist) that my condition wasn't bad, and my feet is where most of the symptoms are present. I use compression stockings. If there isn't a cause for concern now could there be if it gets worse?\n\n\n*25 years old\n*male\n*5 foot 11 inches\n*130 pounds\n*Hispanic\n", "answer": "Basically nothing. It's far more likely that any physical complication will be related to your venous insufficiency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "555e7i", "comment_id": "555e7i"}, {"question": "Identity", "description": "I'm a 31 year old in the middle of an identity crisis. I'm confused whether to be the person other people (or person) want(s) me to be..the person I know I've always been, or something different..they are constantly colliding with one another and none of them make sense. Advice would be welcome..I am at a loss. ", "answer": "It's such a hard situation to be in. I imagine you're afraid of losing some loved ones if you decide to be exactly who you are rather than what they want. Sadly, you'll never be happy if you live your life trying to live up to others expectations and not being true to yourself. I've worked with plenty in therapy on this subject. Some were LGBT and in the closet, others wanted to give up their family's religion or go against cultural traditions, others just wanted to focus on their own goals rather than what their family's expectations of them were. You can do it and start focusing on yourself. Prepare for some resistance from your loved ones as they may try to make a big thing out of it in order to \"get you back\". In the long run, the people that are worth having in your life (that you actually have a healthy relationship with) will stick around. Others you may have to put some distance between you and them, whether you're family, whether you love them or not. Being true to yourself will be the only way to live a happy life. \n\nHope this helps. Let me know if you have any follow up questions or can give any additional information. \n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sbomt", "comment_id": "6sbomt"}, {"question": "I finally went to a doctor for my anxiety and he prescribed Zyprexa, is this normal?", "description": "I'm male, 26 years old, white, live in Portland, OR, 160 lb, 5'11\". I've struggled with depression off and on for pretty much my whole life, and up until a few days ago, I wasn't actively being treated for it. I've never been treated for anxiety at all, but recently my anxiety has gotten so bad that I had to quit my job and it's making me borderline suicidal, and making it extremely difficult to be in any kind of social situation. So a few days ago I checked myself into an intensive out-patient program to try to get help for my anxiety and depression. Today I met with the psychiatrist, and he prescribed me 37.5 mg Effexor for my depression, and 5 mg Zyprexa for my anxiety and to help me sleep at night. \n\nHe didn't tell me much about Zyprexa, and I'd never heard of it before, but he told me I was unlikely to experience any side effects and that I could even take some extra during the day if I was feeling particularly anxious. I told him I was concerned that it might make me drowsy during the day because I've been prescribed amitriptyline and mirtazapine in the past and had to quit each of them because I just couldn't handle the drowsiness they caused all day. He told me that that was because those drugs have a long half life and that it shouldn't be a problem if I take it only at night.\n\nThen when I got home, naturally I looked up Zyprexa, and the first thing I saw was that its half-life is just as long if not longer than amitriptyline and mirtazapine. Then I saw that it is an antipsychotic that's prescribed for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, both of which I definitely don't have. Then I ctrl f-ed the wikipedia page and saw that literally the only mention of treating anxiety disorders in the page was \"Olanzapine has not been rigorously evaluated in generalized anxiety disorder.\" Then I checked out the side effects, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_adverse_effects_of_olanzapine. This sounds like significantly worse side effects than any other drug I've ever been prescribed.\n\nI guess my question, and the TL;DR is: Is it normal for a doctor to prescribe Zyprexa as the first line of treatment for someone with severe anxiety?", "answer": "That seems like a very strange choice of management to me. I\u2019ve seen it before, too, but never with an explanation that sat right with me. Zyprexa can help anxiety, at least anecdotally, but it also has significant side effects over time and is frankly not the first line treatment. Or second line. Or third line.\n\nI\u2019d like to think that there\u2019s more to the story, including the psychiatrist thinking that there may be an element of psychosis. That\u2019s a big stretch and secretly diagnosing and treating without explaining is definitely not standard or acceptable practice.\n\nI\u2019m not sure what to say except that it\u2019s definitely worth seeking a second opinion if you can.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "96crkb", "comment_id": "96crkb"}, {"question": "Can someone give me a small list of foods I can eat while taking antibiotics? (augmentin)", "description": "I've notice you're not suppose to eat anything with fiber in it, no cheese or milk or anything high in fat. So what can i eat? I really wanna do this properly and every time I try to find some help on this I always find what foods to avoid but not what foods I can have.. Any help is really appreciated! :) \n\n ( 20, female, 4\u201911\u201d and 100lbs )", "answer": "I am unaware of any significant food interactions with Augmentin. Eat normally.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f1urw1", "comment_id": "f1urw1"}, {"question": "Missing my Atlas", "description": "Good morning and thank you for taking the time to read this.\n\n A little back story first, I'm 27 years old. Back in 2013, I was in the Army and was going through a medical discharge board after being diagnosed with Celiacs Disease (found out too that im not symptomatic). I began claiming other ailments such as my lower back,, I was sent to a chiropractor weekly who helped pop my back. Well, the chiropractor decided he wanted to try and work on my neck so he ordered an xray for my neck before just started going to town on my neck. When he saw the results, he was like holy shit, I've never seen this in person, only in books. He then shows me my x ray compared to a \"normal\" x ray. He then says he doesn't believe the x ray techs missed this.. He tells me im missing my Atlas vertebrae and asks if I had ever taken a hard hit to the head or anything? I told him no but I was born at 27 weeks, and had no knowledge of this up until that point. My question is, can I expect any complications from this? My chiropractor said that there's cartilage there instead of the vertebrae and it looks pretty solid.\n\nTL;DR- I was born at 27 weeks, I'm missing my Atlas vertebrae and am wondering if I will experience any crazy problems as I get older ", "answer": "This is strange clinical practice. Has he actually done any manipulation on your neck? If so, why go to town on your neck if either he hasn't got back the x-ray, or after he saw the x-ray?\n\nGo see a medical doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4z7842", "comment_id": "4z7842"}, {"question": "Thinking of going off antidepressants...?", "description": "But I'm not sure. They only cost me $5/mo...\n\nI don't have the thoughts anymore, I'm not scared of my own mind. I could say I feel a lot better in that respect. I'm not sure what I should be feeling.\n\nI brought this up to my psychiatrist, and he suggested that if I wanted to get off them, to wait till after I moved back home from school since med changes shouldn't happen at the same time as big life changes, but I won't be able to see him again because I'm in another state AND he left the practice he was working at.\n\nI'm not sure how I'm supposed to decide this, obviously it doesn't have a clear decision and you guys can't tell me what I should/shouldn't do... but opinions?\n(225mg Effexor btw - I know I have to be careful and slow about weening myself off it)", "answer": "Might consider calling the psychiatrist's office and asking them to give you a schedule to taper off your antidepressants ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1eo2ah", "comment_id": "1eo2ah"}, {"question": "When should I [23/M] text my Ex [24/F] after breakup to get her back", "description": "My girlfriend and I just broke up a week ago. This is both of ours first real relationship and I think we both made the mistake of moving too fast and coming on too strong the first few months. We were friends for years before this and once we started dating everything was perfect and we talked about marriage and kids etc. After 9 months she said she was starting to get freaked out by all that talk. She asked for space and if we could slow things down. I took this pretty hard and after 2 months of not talking as much I asked her to make a decision; Breakup or get things back to normal. She said she honestly couldn't decide and she still needed space to figure out if she was ready to commit. But if I was this unhappy waiting we should probably just break up. Everyone says that if I want her back I should go through a \"No Contact\" period of at least a month so I can try to move on and give her a chance to miss me. However all I really want to tell her is that \"Im sorry for screwing things up, I came on too strong, and I feel like an idiot for reacting badly to you wanting to slow things down. I want to get back together and start from scratch but if that's not what you want I would love it if we could stay friends\" Does it make more sense for me to tell her this now or wait a few more weeks until the \"No contact\" period is over? \n\nFYI... If your advice is that I should just move on and forget her, please don't comment. I'm posting because I love her and want her back.", "answer": "She was requesting space, so I think it is best to give her that space. At least 30 days, maybe longer. If she misses you, she will contact you. If she is not given space when she has asked for space, she will resent that and her attraction for you will decrease. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7lkbxj", "comment_id": "7lkbxj"}, {"question": "MY ONE YEAR POST!", "description": "Hi SD friends, I've been looking forward to this post for so long. I made it a year and I'm going strong. I would not have made it this far without all your posts. Thank you for coexisting with me!\n\nNow that I've completed a trip around the sun during which I have consumed 0 inflight drinks, I want to double down on my conviction to stay the course. I may not know the optimal path to the best expression of myself, but I am familiar with a wrong one both through my own experience and watching some fairly terrible things happen to others while traveling that road. I'm not interested in going out that way and I'm too busy kicking ass over here. \n\nAlcohol is a weird drug in that its use is absolutely encouraged by our society until usage gets bad enough to bit flip to absolute discouragement. As with most models of a complicated world, the reality is a continuous spectrum of pleasure and pain and the gradient goes from happy green run to real damn steep real fast.\u00a0\n\nSo, here's to another year! Cheers and I love you and this lime La Croix more every day.", "answer": "I may not know the optimal path to self expression.... I really like this. We all know drinking isn't it, but its hard to sit with the uncertainty while we figure it out. Much more chance of actually finding it sober though. Well done.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz8fc8", "comment_id": "bz8fc8"}, {"question": "No weight loss", "description": "Might have to up my efforts at the gym and cut out the daily ice cream....thought after 2 weeks \nI would brave the scales...my tummy looks flatter and i feel more energetic....MISTAKE bloody scales have not moved....i have joined the reddit before and after by way of incentive. I will not drink and i will lose weight...unfortunately not as fast as i had hoped from dropping wine from my diet ! ", "answer": "Hi. I've stopped drinking for a few months now but i've gained weight by eating chocolate, and indeed anything else i fancied. I'm still delighted i'm not drinking but how to make the transition now to healthy eating ....?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94qbee", "comment_id": "94qbee"}, {"question": "Remember to be patient with yourself when you're overwhelmed", "description": "Earlier today I was reminded how important it is to be patient when you start getting overwhelmed. I work as an engineer and today I needed to match variables from data set A to data set B so I could begin comparing them (two different codes resulted in a ton of different variables). Simple enough right? \n\nWell not so much. After an hour of getting distracted and trouble finding notation I finally found the right document. And when I opened it up there was a page full of diagrams and variables that I got overwhelmed. But instead of freezing I took the time to redraw the diagram (for some reason this works for me) so I understood the notation and how the variables related. \n\nWriting this down I feel dumb, but also I still got the task done. No matter how small the task just be patient with yourself and go about in a way that is most productive to you. ", "answer": "This was me today. Had to write and proofread a report I've been putting off then straight after I took a call from a flustered client and got cooler overwhelmed. I just paused and said it's ok, take a breath, it's all good.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "al9zgd", "comment_id": "al9zgd"}, {"question": "Advice on getting evaluated for ADHD under parent's insurance?", "description": "I've decided that it might be a good idea to get evaluated to see if a doctor thinks I have Inattentive ADHD, but I'm worried my parent's will disapprove over me getting on meds if I do have it. I'm under their Tricare from my dad's prior military service until I turn 21 (another year). My parents have always been against me using my prescribed medication if it's some type of addictive drug such as codeine for when I tore ligaments in my ankle. Has anybody had to go through convincing your parents that the meds might help? If so, what are some key points to bring up to possibly convince/ease their mind?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTL;DR: Need advice on convincing parents that it's okay to get evaluated and that the meds might help if I do actually have ADHD (Parents are against abusable substances)", "answer": "If you\u2019re over 18, you don\u2019t need their consent to go to a doctor and use the insurance or to fill a prescription at the pharmacy. However, they will likely be informed if you do through an explanation of benefits which the insurance company sends and explains what services they paid for.\n\nBasically, they will probably find out about it after the fact, but they can\u2019t stop you from using the insurance and receiving treatment unless they decide to completely take you off their insurance at some point, which would be a pretty insane reaction. \n\nEdit because I forgot to address the other part of your question: if you want to try to convince them first, talk to them about ADHD as a neurological condition and present information on this. You wouldn\u2019t deny someone with Parkinson\u2019s disease their medication. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a0kpz4", "comment_id": "a0kpz4"}, {"question": "Any PCOS hair loss success stories with Spiro or other methods?", "description": "My hairline started to recede really rapidly since i was 15 and when my hair is greasy you can see bald spots. im 19 now and it\u2019s gotten worse to the point where i couldn\u2019t ignore it anymore and it\u2019s ruined my self esteem. recently talked to a gyno i just started seeing about it and if it would grow back and she\u2019s like \u201c i honestly don\u2019t know\u201d. (huge vent ahead) she doesn\u2019t seem like she knows anything about PCOS besides the basics which is very concerning since she\u2019s supposed to specialize in reproductive health. she even refused to put me on spiro because it can cause a potassium deficiency. as you can tell, i\u2019m slightly bitter about that because i\u2019m literally losing my hair and going through symptoms that make me want to die and all she cares about is a possible side effect that\u2019s easily treatable? i\u2019m not a doctor and i hate being the person who thinks they know more than doctors which i don\u2019t, but this gyno wasn\u2019t able to answer any of my questions about the disorder. my mom has pcos too and i explained how the appointment went down and she was horrified and told me that i need to find a new gyno. my university is in a less populated area so finding good doctors can be difficult.\n\nthankfully, i looked for dermatologists for my hair loss and found a great dermatologist who is highly educated about PCOS and he knew way more than my gyno. he told me my hairline was moving back but my hair loss was non-scarring and he believes that all of my hair will grow back if i\u2019m on spiro. this seems a little too good to be true because the hair loss has gotten really bad and i haven\u2019t seen hair grow in those spots since i was 15. do you think spiro is really capable of that and has anyone had success stories with spiro? i\u2019ve heard so many women with PCOS related hair loss say that spiro didn\u2019t do anything for them and that their hair loss just got worse. i\u2019ve been on birth control for PCOS when i was 16 but eventually went off it because it didn\u2019t do anything to help my symptoms. I\u2019m been taking biotin supplements for 6 months and it has also done nothing for my hairline.", "answer": "I was on 200mg of Spiro for close to a decade. It really limited my hair loss, kept cystic acne at bay and dramatically limited my facial hair growth. Had to stop for fertility reasons and noticed a difference very quickly. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "b7ccqt", "comment_id": "b7ccqt"}, {"question": "Flying with meds", "description": "Can i take my concerta on the plane?", "answer": "Keep it in the original pill bottle with the full label on the bottle. If you\u2019re traveling out of the country, check the rules of the destination country because some countries do not allow it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "apy9fg", "comment_id": "apy9fg"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to my first therapy appointment next week. I\u2019m nervous.", "description": "I\u2019ve been having a hard time for what feels like forever and I\u2019ve finally taken the step to see someone. I\u2019m stressed about the idea of going but I know I have to. Can anyone share there experience going to a therapist for the first time.", "answer": "Therapist here. Grats on taking that first step!\n\nThe first appointment is generally a \"get to know you\" type set-up: you will fill all the relevant forms, talk about informed consent (kind of like the rules of therapy) and then get started with an initial assessment. People do the assessments differently, and in different timeframes, but either way there will be quite a few questions. Usually we bounce around to a bunch of different topics that may or may not be relevant to why you decided to come.\n\nAt some point during that, you will start to talk a little bit about why you decided to pick up the phone and give them a call and what you are hoping to get out of the process. From there you will talk about follow-up, recommendations the therapist might have, and then potentially schedule your next session.\n\nI always like to tell prospective clients who are nervous to spend some time prior to coming and write down some questions they might want to ask me. That way you can get more information and you can feel more comfortable.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dm3zxh", "comment_id": "dm3zxh"}, {"question": "Should I [F39] ask [M43] where our relationship stands", "description": "I (F39) recently started dating after being married for 16 years. I meet this really nice guy (M43) and we chatted online for just over a week then decided to meet up. Since then we have gone out every weekend and meet up the odd weeknight. We have a lot in common and he makes me really happy. He has even introduced me to his daughter (15) I also have child of similar age. And yes we have had sex a couple of times.\n\nThe problem is I guess my insecurity as dating is such a new thing to me now and I'm starting to worry about getting hurt as I'm not really sure how he feels about me. Going on the way things have been I felt confident that he is interested in me but this week things seem a bit different.\nI found that I'm kid-free Saturday night and sent him a text to let him know but he came back that he has plans for the afternoon (get together that happens every other week that I'm aware of) and he's not sure when they will finish up and as he will probably have a few drinks he will most likely have an early night and finished off saying maybe we can catch up Friday instead. This does make sense as it's pointless for me to go over if he is just going to fall asleep but part of me thinks if he was really into me he would still want to spend the night together.\n\nSo my question how do I ask him where I stand or should I just leave it be and see what happens after this weekend. I know I'm probably being silly but I just really want to avoid getting hurt as I really think I'm starting to fall for him.\n\nThanks for reading", "answer": "always ask", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ms9ig", "comment_id": "6ms9ig"}, {"question": "Sucks being BPD to an NPD \"friend\"", "description": "Always there for them fufilling every little need they have. Listening to their NPD monologues where my role is just to be an audience. Gotta endorse every little comment they make, every decision, regardless of how toxic and selfish it may be. Always listening and giving getting nothing in return. She only values me for what I can give and do for her. Makes me feel like dog shit. ", "answer": "I dated a girl whom I believe has NPD or lots of traits of it. We had a toxic relationship go figure, She still to thus day can't accept her participation in it. She blames every failed relationship, friends and romantic, on the other person. She thinks people suck, she thinks friends aren't there for you when really people get tired of putting up with her shit because she thinks she knows more or is better than you, and is very critical of others. Even after we cut ties, she stalked my reddit profile and thought things that I was posting had to be about her and that I was making them all up because she had no memory of them happening. \n\nThat's the only thing that still kills me about the relationship, I feel like we could have ended things amicable and acknowledged both of our roles in the breakdown of our relationship but she cannot. It's hard. In a way, being with her helped me get my own shit together because it enlightened me to others perception of how I may come off and I try to be conscious of that. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4t7rcm", "comment_id": "4t7rcm"}, {"question": "Does Texas require out of state therapists seeing Texas resident to be licensed in Texas?", "description": "I currently live in Washington state, and plan on relocating to Texas in foreseeable future. I would like to remain with my therapist, she is my licensed mental health therapist. So I'd like to know if Texas require licensure in order to continue serve my needs? I'm not sure of the keywords to search or where to search within Texas resources via website. I called one of the numbers, they suspended their phone services. \n\n\nThanks!", "answer": "This depends on her license .\n\nIf she is a psychologist, Texas board of examiners of psychologists is the place to look.\n\nI always check for temporary/emergency licenses before applying permanently to a new state, this may be an option.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk3cz4", "comment_id": "hk3cz4"}, {"question": "What to do about inconsiderate boyfriend (m25) and him calling me (f25) the C word almost every day.", "description": "I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, recently things haven't been going well and we are arguing pretty much every time we spend time together (mostly about small things), I think he's being inconsiderate he says I'm nagging. Also he never apologizes after an argument and will never admit when he's wrong, he either gives me the silent treatment or forget we even argued. \n\nFor example whenever he stays the night at my apartment he lets his dog out in my garden which is shared with all my neighbors and will leave the poop there until the 100th time I've asked him to go and clean it up, I don't understand why he can't just clean it up straight away. My neighbors have complained to my landlord about the poop being left in the garden. He doesn't see that it's a big deal and will just say I'm bitching, I just want him to clean it up after he's let his dog out so I don't have to bring it up. \n\nThe worst thing about these arguments is the way he talks to me during arguments, especially his use of the C word, i've told him he can't speak to me like that but he refuses to stop and says that he's calling me that because I am one.\n\nSo reddit how do I speak to someone that thinks they're always right and won't apologize ever without nagging? How can I get him to stop calling me disrespectful words?\n\nI need this to change or I am going to leave the relationship.", "answer": "Everything everybody has already said in this thread is 100% right. \nI spent 7 years with a guy exactly like this. Even married him (HAH). Then one day, I got my head out of my own ass and left him. I am now married to my best friend who has treated me with love, respect and kindness from DAY 1 (~13 years as friends, 2 years together). I went from depressed and miserable, wondering why I couldn't fix my shit relationship no matter how hard I tried to HAPPINESS and realizing that I had been climbing an uphill battle, uselessly. \nYour \"bf\" has crossed some boundaries that are hard to come back from. Leave him. Let him make himself (and probably somebody else) miserable and you move on and have a happy life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2jcd8a", "comment_id": "2jcd8a"}, {"question": "I realised why I fail every time. You should too.", "description": "Your ego: I have completely conquered this addiction.\n\nListen, you can never control your sexual primal instinct completely. Never.\n\nFrom one of my favourite books, Irresistible by Adam Alter: \"The most dangerous time for an addict is the first moment when things are going so well that you believe you've left the addiction behind forever.\"\n\nYou can never leave this shit behind \"forever\", 1 day, 10 day, 100 day, 1000 day, whatever your streak is.\n\nThe only things you can do are:\n\n* kill the triggers and urges for the next 70-80 years\n\n* fill the empty boredom time with stuff you want to do and with which build your life\n\nDo that. Streaks do not matter once you go beyond 90 days, from there simply starts infinite struggle.", "answer": "Well said, we treat it like its not a fucking black hole with far greater power than we can manage to engage with. We need to admit defeat and run.", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "ex6fea", "comment_id": "ex6fea"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "Especially in front of other individuals? Like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. As if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "In my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. One time I was in the car with my family and I was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. I wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. One of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. And then, accidentally, I started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and I started saying how I felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and I\u2019m not good enough for them. I cried about how I felt like I didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. No one responded. Just silence. \n\nA few days later I was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? Remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d \n\nLet a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "80kbjf"}, {"question": "Penis shorter than used to be (flaccid state)", "description": "I'm 22 years old male, 130kg / 187cm. Few weeks ago I was lifting weights and my penis \"turtled\", but eventually returned to normal length. However, after a few days I noticed it's shorter in flaccid state than before and the skin is wrinkled. I'm circumsized. Everything appears and feels normal when the penis is erect, and I'm feeling no pain.\n\nWhat can I do to make it normal length again?", "answer": "Nothing. Its fine. Put your ruler away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y0pru", "comment_id": "4y0pru"}, {"question": "My friend swallows air in order to produce obnoxiously loud and frequent burps. Is this bad for his health?", "description": "Not that this is relevant in any way, but he has also learned to do this through his anus to produce the same effect, but out the other end. I am 100% serious, I wish I was joking", "answer": "Lol. Safe, though he's not going to procreate any time soon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vohwz", "comment_id": "5vohwz"}, {"question": "Can I detox during birthcontrol?", "description": "Hello, I am a 16yo, female, im Latina, 1.55 meters tall and I weight 55kg. \nI don't take drugs or drink alcohol.\nI only take birthcontrol (Gynera) and sometimes I take a stomach protector in the morning.\nI have a very upset/sensitive stomach, sometimes it can't even take a cookie.\nI feel like I should detox my stomach and start a new and healthier diet.\nBut I know that for detoxification I will cleanse everything from my body, and there will go my birthcontrol intake. \nSo I thought that maybe during the 7 day break of my contraception I could do the cleanse? Or would it mess up with my birthcontrol anyway?\nAlso, if I do the cleanse and don't have intercourse during that pill package (21 days), will I be safe from pregnancy when I start the next package?", "answer": "\"Cleanses\" are fads that serve no medical purpose and, as far as we know, don't really do anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghjdn6", "comment_id": "ghjdn6"}, {"question": "I (22m) need some help coping.", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nA couple of months ago i found out I was cheated on by my girlfriend at the time (obviously now ex). It hit me incredibly hard as we were dating for almost 4 years and I truly loved the girl. I like to think of my self as a very confident man but, admittedly, my confidence has taken a hit since then. I am fine for a couple of days but, out of nowhere, I begin thinking of my ex and I just get horribly depressed. \n\n\nI have found a new girl whom I am very interested in and we have great chemistry. She is definitely a girl I can see myself with. However, sometimes I start thinking of ex and I really just don't know what to do. I have never been through a break up of this caliber before in my life. All in all, i just need some advice on how to cope. \n\n\ntl;dr - girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me and we had a rough break up a couple of months ago. Need some advice on coping ", "answer": "there's no easy answer for grief and loss. it takes time as you know. you might not be ready yet for a new relationship. make sure you're totally over the ex before starting anew. most of life is timing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2m7f", "comment_id": "5o2m7f"}, {"question": "Doctor denied me flu shot because of low blood pressure. I'm higher risk for covid so it seems important that I get a flu shot. Advice? 32F", "description": "Blood pressure is usually 90s/60s. 5'9 150lbs. All kinds of sinus/allergy issues, possibly crohns disease, and my lungs don't get oxygen to my blood as well as they should. But it was exclusively based on blood pressure that the doctor told me not to get a flu shot. I've never heard this before and don't understand why blood pressure would make a difference here.", "answer": "90/60 without symptoms is not a problem. Flu shots don\u2019t drop blood pressure.\n\nIf you go to a pharmacy that gives shots, they won\u2019t even check, as well they shouldn\u2019t.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jj52gl", "comment_id": "jj52gl"}, {"question": "Need Help with Conversation!", "description": "I feel like I never have the right thing to say to people except my closest friends. In group settings, I find myself shutting down, because I just can't think of anything to contribute to conversations. I'll usually be quiet and only say a thing or two. No matter how hard I try to follow the conversation, it's hard for me to come up with things to say, even if it's a topic I know a lot about or can relate to. I feel like Raj in the Big Bang Theory; even if I want to talk and want to join in it's like I physically can't.\n\nI have the same problem with people I'm not super close with too. Unless I have a very deep connection with someone, I find that my mind goes blank when it comes to conversing. I could have a friend or acquaintance for months, but if my brain hasn't deemed them a \"best friend,\" I won't know what to talk about in a small group setting. One on one I'm fine, but three or more people and I feel helpless.\n\nAny tips? I never run out of things to say to my best friends and boyfriend. But when it comes to groups, I can't come up with anything for the life of me. ", "answer": "I wrote a pretty comprehensive [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) which you might find helpful :) Check out out!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "37kl76", "comment_id": "37kl76"}, {"question": "What did my late father have? (Psychiatry)", "description": "I'm a 34 y/o woman. 16 years ago, my dad passed at age 59 from the complications of cirrhosis. He was an alcoholic and drank daily. He had wonderful sides, but also really bad abusive sides. I'm trying to understand what he might have had.\n\n- He was celebrity in our country and one of the bests at his job. Both in entertainment and journalism.\n\n- He was an only child and lost his beloved father unexpectedly when he was in middle school. He started to work at that age to take care of his mother. He cut ties with their relatives because they never really helped apparently. He cried about his father all his life when he talked about him. After my grandma passed to he would sometimes refer to himself as an orphan. And he had no family left other than mom and us his kids.\n\n- His mother did some abusive shit that was considered normal back then, including physical punishment. But generally she was a good mother. When they were both grown-ups, the power was totally on my dad though in their relationship dynamics. He lived with his mother until she passed. When he and my mom got married, grandma was still in the house. We were doing well financially though and the house allowed privacy.\n\n- He prioritized his kids (me and my brother) over other people. He would \"punish\" grandma when my brother got upset over something she didn't allow and make her stand on one foot like they do to children when they are naughty. Grandma was clearly uncomfortable with this, would cry afterward, dad didn't care.\n\n- He was abusive to my mother physically and verbally. He would start fights over things like food getting burned when he was angry. Her cooking something he didn't like. But between the abuse, he was great. He would make us laugh. Bring everyone gifts. Serenade to my mom. Tell their memories with such loving eyes and tone.\n\n- Once my mom's one brother and his wife visited us. She made a joke, literally like one sentence that implied my dad was kissing the ass of the person in the story he aws telling. Dad didn't say anything there. After they left he started a huge fight with mom why she didn't say anything or stop it. I am not kidding, this came on FOR YEARS, UNTIL HE PASSED. He would wake my mom up to start a fight over this totally out of the blue even years later! THen the next day everything was back to normal.\n\n- He loved me too much. He would cry when I cry, he was very thoughtful about my feellings generally. Except... he continued the abuse with my mom AND he would even wake me up often so I would sit there, watch the whole thing as a referee and tell who was right. I didn't even have the option to say he was wrong, he would then get angry at me.\n\n- Once for example he got angry at my mom burning chickpeas when I was 15. He asked me to cook chickpeas for him (I didn't even know how!) This was 3 days into my summer job and I was exhausted. When I said in the scared tone I didn't know how and I needed to rest, at first he pretended to be OK then asked me to clean the kitchen with mom all night. I was sobbing and stayed up until 4am cleaning and went to work 5 hours later.\n\n- He was mostly a funny, super generous, thoughtful guy. He would help people without expecting anything in return. All of his charity donations were anonymous too.\n\n- He was aware he was smart. But got humble when someone complimented on him.\n\nI think he was depressed. And obviously alcohol didn't help his rage. But what else did he have if any?", "answer": "\nHe could have had major depressive disorder. It could have all been alcohol-related. Nothing here is clearly pathology beyond the bounds of normal. \n\nAny speculation based on just this snapshot is just speculation, and it\u2019s already filtered through your opinions and memories of him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "in1n8i", "comment_id": "in1n8i"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Also please try to get help for you and your friend. You don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "7jrv0i"}, {"question": "Marge Simpson - Why I think she might be one of us [Long]", "description": "The subject of BPD in fiction comes up every so often here. I think a lot of us are looking for someone to relate to and hoping to find a character who has overcome their illness enough to be a functioning member of society. We want to see that it's possible.\n\nI mentioned in a thread on this topic a couple of days ago that I have recently begun to feel that Marge Simpson exhibits signs of possibly having BPD. A couple of people were interested, and I thought I'd write something up. \n\nI was a huge fan of The Simpsons for many years, to the point of having a ton of episodes from the early years all but memorized. I have lost touch with the show over the last decade or so, but I still enjoy watching when I catch an episode on TV.\n\nI don't think that the writers ever necessarily intended to create Marge as a character with BPD. In the early episodes, she seems like the quintessential \u201cTV sitcom mom,\u201d there as sort of a background character for the family's hijinks. Over time though, her personality starts to emerge in ways that create a portrait of a woman who is troubled, but still extremely functioning and beloved by those close to her.\n\nWe don't know a whole lot about Marge's childhood, but the snippets we have seen suggest that she was pushed around by her older sisters and largely overlooked by her parents. She appears to have spent much of her early years trying to be noticed and please everyone around her. This is an example of the sort of invalidating environment that could contribute to BPD in an adult patient. Notably, the patterns of trying to be an extreme people-pleaser continues into Marge's adulthood.\n\n----\nTo cut right to the point, I thought I'd go over the DSM diagnostic criteria and cite some in-universe examples to illustrate. I'm including mainly examples where Marge's behavior was part of a major plotline, but I think a HUGE part of her tendencies are more obvious in unrelated side-scenes where she makes a remark that just feels \u201coff.\u201d One example of that would be in [Bart on the Road](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Bart_on_the_Road) when Homer calls from work to speak to Lisa, followed by Bart calling later in the same episode to speak to Lisa. Marge's emotional reactions to each call starts out with an intense level of excitement, followed by extreme disappointment to learn they weren't calling to talk to her at all. These scenes had almost nothing to do with the episode, but it contributes greatly to the overall picture of Marge as someone who desperately wants recognition and intimacy. \n\n----\n*A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:*\n\n**1) Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.**\n\nHomer is not a very bright man, and he has had his loyalty tested more than once. However, Marge seems to display excessive jealousy at times. Her fear of abandonment seems to extend to her children as well. Most of the time, her behavior is relatively rational, but occasionally she goes to extremes. \n\n*Examples:*\n\n[Homer's Night Out](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Homer%27s_Night_Out) - Homer ends up having a picture taken of himself dancing with a stripper at a bachelor party. Marge reacts by throwing him out of the house without giving him an opportunity to explain.\n\n[It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/It%27s_a_Mad,_Mad,_Mad,_Mad_Marge) - This entire episode. Becky was pushing her to extremes to try to get her to believe her family was going to abandon her, but still worth mentioning.\n\n**2) A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.**\n\nMarge's relationship with Homer is extremely stable. The same cannot be said for other interpersonal relationships. Most of her relationships seem to follow this exact pattern. Marge meets someone, thinks they are absolutely amazing, wants to be just like them or be near them constantly, and ultimately begins to see them as \u201cbad\u201d later on in the episode. I realize the nature of sitcoms is that characters often come and go in a single episode; however, other characters have stable friendships that last from one episode to another. \n\n*Examples:*\n\n[Life on the Fast Lane](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Life_on_the_Fast_Lane) - Marge meets a bowling instructor and has a brief emotional affair. She is on her way to take things to a physical level before changing her mind and heading to greet Homer at work on a whim.\n\n[Marge on the Lam](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Marge_on_the_Lam) - Marge befriends a neighbor, who had appeared in one episode prior to this. She ends up having a pretty intense \u201cThelma & Louise\u201d style adventure with her, and apparently they don't see much of each other after this.\n\n[Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Scenes_from_the_Class_Struggle_in_Springfield) - Oh boy, if I could ask everyone to watch only one episode to demonstrate the possibility of Marge having BPD, this would be the episode. To summarize, Marge ends up stumbling upon a deal for a nice suit at a ridiculous price. She buys it, then drags the family to a posh country club as an excuse to wear it. There, she meets a group of women whom Marge desperately, desperately wants to be friends with. Why? I don't know. They're not nice people. They don't have anything in common with Marge. But she just NEEDS for them to like her. She keeps frantically making alterations to her suit to make it look like she has several outfits, because she can't possibly afford to buy fancy clothes to impress them. After she finally makes one too many alterations and destroys the suit, she spends the family's savings on another suit so she can continue impressing these friends who don't even care about her. In the end, the only reason she stops her hero-worship of these women is when she realizes that she will lose her family if she continues. I'm sorry, I completely broke away from the style I was using for the rest of the post, but this. Everything about what Marge did in this episode, I relate to so, so much.\n\n**3) Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.**\n\nMarge moves through interests with a strange intensity. Again, due to the nature of the show, of course Marge has to be placed in new situations periodically. However, in contrast to Homer's, Bart's, and even Lisa's adventures, which usually seem to arise out of a sense of \u201cbeing in the right place at the right time,\u201d Marge often finds herself in precarious positions solely because she was trying to find something to throw herself into. She takes on her hobbies with a passion that doesn't seem to be shared by other characters in their one-off interests.\n\n*Examples:*\n\n[Itchy & Scratchy & Marge]\n(https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Itchy_%26_Scratchy_%26_Marge) - Marge throws herself into protesting Itchy & Scratchy after Maggie accidentally injures Homer in a similar manner to something she saw on television.\n\n[Brush with Greatness](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Brush_with_Greatness) - Marge had a passion for painting, and it was crushed because her art teacher didn't care for her artistic style. She throws herself back into it with a fervor upon finding a teacher who gives her some encouragement. After this episode, she gives it up again.\n\n[A Streetcar Named Marge](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/A_Streetcar_Named_Marge) - Marge channels her extreme anger with Homer into acting\n\n[The Twisted World of Marge Simpson](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/The_Twisted_World_of_Marge_Simpson) - Marge starts a pretzel business. She makes pretzels day and night, pretty much doing nothing else with her life but making pretzels. \n\n**4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).**\n\nMarge has a serious gambling addiction which is discovered in one episode and is brought up a few more times. In addition, in one episode, we see her begin to develop a drinking problem when she no longer has to work to keep the house clean. The drinking problem is done as a joke, with Marge only able to drink one glass of wine a day, but it's still an indication that Marge copes with her inner demons by distracting herself with household activities.\n\n*Examples:*\n\n[$pringfield...](\nhttps://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/$pringfield_%28Or,_How_I_Learned_to_Stop_Worrying_and_Love_Legalized_Gambling%29) - This is the first episode where we saw Marge's gambling addiction. It is so severe that she stays at the casino day and night, completely forgetting about her family until Homer delivers a dramatic speech to get her to come home.\n\n[You Only Move Twice](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/You_Only_Move_Twice) - Yes, one glass of wine a day is hardly a serious problem, but Marge was feeling enough guilt about it that it was most likely a problem for her.\n\n**5) Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.**\n\nNah, not so much here.\n\n**6) Affective [mood] instability.**\n\nMarge definitely seems to feel emotions more intensely than she displays outwardly. Throughout the series, it's frequently made plain that she is faking enthusiasm or hiding anger & disappointment. She gives Lisa advice more than once about suppressing her emotions.\n\n*Examples:*\n\n[New Kid on the Block](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/New_Kid_on_the_Block) - Okay, I think anyone would be embarrassed about Homer's all-you-can-eat fish crusade, but Marge is utterly humiliated, to the point of breaking down in tears on the witness stand when she talks about driving around town looking for another seafood place that's open.\n\n[Simpsonscali...](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala%28Annoyed_Grunt%29cious) - Marge's stress is so severe that her hair starts falling out in clumps.\n\n**7) Chronic feelings of emptiness.**\n\nThis one is harder to put into words. There is a profound sadness to Marge that comes out only when you read between the lines of her character. She does not seem to be especially happy with her life, even though she seems to have everything she really wants. \n\n[A Milhouse Divided](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/A_Milhouse_Divided) - In this episode, Marge up and decides she wants to throw a dinner party because she's bored with her life. She then throws so much effort into the party that she really seems to be basing her self-worth around the success or failure of the party. \n\n**8) Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).**\n\nMarge doesn't display her anger often. She does, however, seem to feel it frequently, if her grunts of disapproval (I really don't know what else to call her trademark \u201cmmmmm\u201d) are any indication. When she does let her anger show, though, watch out.\n\n*Examples:*\n\n[Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Two_Cars_in_Every_Garage_and_Three_Eyes_on_Every_Fish) - Rather than making a stronger effort to communicate with Homer about how he hasn't been listening to her views, she makes a public spectacle of Mr. Burns by serving him a three-eyed fish created by the pollution from his own power plant.\n\n[Homer Alone](https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Homer_Alone) - I don't think I need to say much about the scene where Marge snaps in the middle of a bridge, lashing out at anyone who comes near her and causing a traffic jam. I think this could qualify as a dissociative episode, actually.\n\n**9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.**\n\nAlthough I identified one possible dissociative episode above, I don't think Marge really has dissociation on an ongoing basis or with enough of a frequency to qualify here.\n\n---\nDepending on your agreement with a couple of areas where I really stretched a bit to make my point, Marge seems to meet at least 5 of the 9 diagnostic criteria, possibly as many as 7.\n\n*Conclusion*: Marge appears to display a lot of behaviors and patterns of thinking that suggest borderline-like tendencies. I'm not sure whether the severity and frequency of her symptoms would constitute a diagnosis of BPD, but she certainly does seem to have many of the same habits.\n\nApologies that I only use the first half of the show to illustrate my points. As I mentioned above, I am extremely familiar with the first 9 or 10 seasons, and then the show sort of fell off my radar. I was less comfortable using material from the second and third decades of the show, since I'm less confident of my knowledge of those episodes.\n\nThoughts are welcome!", "answer": "Post this in /r/FanTheories! It's wonderful", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2oltyr", "comment_id": "2oltyr"}, {"question": "Request: feel like I'm starting to spiral into an eating disorder and don't know how to help myself.", "description": " \n\nSo a bit of background. I was a bit of chubby kid in grade school but found a healthy way to lose weight in high school. I was at a normal weight for my age and height and although I was still self-conscious of my weight and how I looked, I was still relatively okay with my body image. Before I went to college everyone I knew would joke about \"the freshman 15\" and telling me I was going to gain weight and for some reason that really scared me. My freshman year I ate healthy, I went to the gym, but I still ate the occasional junk food and felt okay about myself.\n\nThis year, though, I feel like I'm sliding down a slippery slope. The year started and I've been counting calories, and I know my intake is way too low. I work out at the gym for way too long doing way too much cardio and then I'll go back to my room and do more exercise videos. Some days I'll write out my planned meals for the day and all of the calories that they have and I don't go past that amount. I drink an unnecessary amount of coffee and call that meal because it has barely any calories. If I eat even the smallest bit of junk food, I'll end up almost in tears and force myself to go for a walk or go to the gym because I feel like I didn't deserve that. I've recently started looking at these scarily thin girls and thinking \"damn do I wish I looked like that.\" I feel like somewhere in the back of my head I know that I'm not fat and that it's okay to have some snacks or an actual full meal, but I can never bring myself to eat a healthy amount without feeling guilty or crying about it. I know I'm losing weight, but I'm still at a fairly healthy weight for my age and height, but I always say to myself \"just a few more pounds. Just lose a few more, you're still at a healthy weight, you can afford to lose a few more.\" And sometimes when people say they're concerned with how little I'm eating or how much weight I've lost, I almost enjoy their concern.\n\nI know this isn't normal, but I don't know how to help myself, or if I even want to help myself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Honestly it sounds like you already have an ED. \n\nSounds like you\u2019re still in college, I highly recommend going to see a counselor before this gets any worse. \n\nI can tell you that the \u201ca few more pounds\u201d mentality didn\u2019t go away even when I was needing hospitalization and I was told I was going to die. Please get help before you get there - the pain was unbearable. ", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "b01aci", "comment_id": "b01aci"}, {"question": "Day 25", "description": "Up until the last couple of days things have been relatively easy. My quit day was really important because I fell and hit my head hard. That\u2019s what prompted me quitting.\n\nTwo days ago I got into an argument with my SO. We\u2019ve made amends but last night I was a mess. Just a crazy anxious bitch selfishly begging myself to justify going next door and buying a 6pack. Then I came on stopdrinking and read until I fell asleep. Today I\u2019m grateful that I didn\u2019t drink. It wouldn\u2019t have solved anything, and I would have just gone back to a version of me that I hate. \n\nI thought I was done with the cravings. I\u2019m annoyed that I tell myself that I can just drink when everyone goes to bed. I\u2019m not a sneaky person, so why am I thinking these thoughts? Why am I hella depressed? Im acting like a friend or family member died... I hate drunk me, so why am I romanticizing my relationship with booze? And why now??\n\nI had planned on quitting smoking today, but now I feel like that might not be a good idea. Idk. \n\nBut day 25 feels so good.", "answer": "You do grieve alcohol, I think. It's been a friend/companion/lover/etc for so long. Doesn't matter that it was a shitty friend/companion/lover/etc. It was familiar and comforting and you loved it. \n\nYou grieve the way your life will change, because the things you've been doing for so long are going to be gone. The way you look at Friday night will be different. The things you do with friends and family will be different. Your relationships will change. Your routines will change. So, you aren't just grieving alcohol. You're grieving the way of life that you are giving up, the comfortable, the familiar. \n\nIt's scary and it's sad. I get where you're coming from. Two weeks into my sobriety, I broke down crying because I realized that it was Friday and instead of being psyched about going out to a new restaurant and having cocktails (my go-to for Friday nights), I had literally no idea what to do. How, I thought, does one look forward to Friday night without cocktails? What the hell am I supposed to look forward to now? I cry when I think about how my relationship with my family is changing - getting wasted together was what we did. Now it's all different.\n\nThe lesson for me is that I can deal with all of the grief and fear sober. I always could, but I didn't see that until now. I like the idea of a new sober me walking forward into this unknown future.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8oqa2", "comment_id": "d8oqa2"}, {"question": "I'm starting to relapse after going through a traumatic experience. Any advice?", "description": "Long story short, a man I thought was maintenance almost choked me to death in my bathroom at the age of 20. For some reason he stopped, I survived, and he is in jail now. I handled it really well for a while but I think that was just because I was in denial about my mental state. But not I find my self drinking more and more and I need some advise on how to cope without alcohol and how to resist the urge to have another drink. ", "answer": "It sounds like you might be suffering from post-traumatic stress, a very real and potentially very serious mental health condition. I would suggest seeking counseling or other mental health services. Depending on your area and situation, you may be able to find services through school, a local crisis line, a local domestic violence shelter (many of them do offer services for women recovering from trauma of all kinds, not just DV. Or, they can help refer you to other providers). You may also be able to access resources as a crime victim - some justice systems have victim's advocates, for example. And of course many communities have counselors in private practice, that you can find in the phone book.\n\nSince you're posting in r/alcoholicsanonymous, I'm assuming you are open to trying the AA program. If you search for alcoholics anonymous and the name of your city/town, you should be able to find a list of meetings fairly easily. Larger towns might also have an Intergroup office; if you need help getting a ride to a meeting, or just have questions, you can call them. You might want to consider starting at a women's only meeting (I'm just guessing you're female) as that might feel a little safer than a mixed-gender meeting. I have met many AA members who have traumatic experiences as part of their personal stories - you would absolutely not be alone in that. However, I have personally found that while AA allowed me to get sober, I needed to get professional help in dealing with some of my underlying issues that contributed to my drinking and using. There is no shame in that.\n\nIf you want to talk one-on-one, feel free to PM me. Take care, and please be gentle with yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "2jydyr", "comment_id": "2jydyr"}, {"question": "Differences in sexual preferences", "description": "Last week my girlfriend broke up with me after a couple of months. Today she told me the reason: I was too gentle in bed and she likes it rough.\n\nNow, until last week, everything was perfect, almost like in a movie or a fairytale, than all of the sudden she became disillusioned by our relationship, because the sex was not rough enough for her. I asked her why she didn't tell me this before, and she said that each person likes sex the way he/she likes it and doesn't believe this could change.\n\nWhat is your take on this reddit? Is this a valid reason to break up with someone, or can a couple overcome the differences in preference? Does anyone have experiances with this kind of situation?\n\n**EDIT:**\n\n**As a part of being dumped I've been going through all our the texts and chat logs today. To be fair to her, I found that she did mention this problem once. It went something like this:**\n\n> her: I wouldnt mind if you were a bit rougher during sex\n\n> me: and what if I wasn't?\n\n> her: then I'll just accept you for who you are, like I do now\n\n**I know you'll all say that I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't help but wonder, did I screw up by missing her hint? If I missed this, I might have even forgotten that she may have told me this in a live conversation as well. But given, that she stated she would accept me anyways, it's reasnoble I didn't pay much attention to it.**", "answer": "I gotta tell ya, this kind of sexual difference can be tough to overcome, especially if she thought you'd made it clear that there would be no compromise. I'm sorry... but lesson learned for the future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "t6r63", "comment_id": "t6r63"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to kill myself tonight", "description": "I\u2019m tired of fighting. I\u2019m in so much pain, I don\u2019t want to try anymore. Nobody would even miss me, I don\u2019t have anyone. I\u2019m being sexually abused, and I\u2019m tired of facing that too. I\u2019m also feel like I\u2019m losing it. I might be going crazy. I decided I\u2019m not afraid of death anymore", "answer": "There is help out there, and you can beat this. It sounds like everything it shit, but it can be better. Call 911. That should help end the abuse and help jumpstart you to a healthy life. Please call\n ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7a1rjl", "comment_id": "7a1rjl"}, {"question": "Question about health insurance and confidentiality in the US", "description": "This is a somewhat hypothetical question because I'm not on a parent's insurance, but I saw a post in another subreddit about someone needing therapy for a serious issue and avoiding it because they were on their parents' insurance and didn't want them (or anyone) to know about seeking therapy. It never really occurred to me before that just due to being on someone else's insurance, they could have access to that kind of information. \n\nThe person was over 18 years old. Every therapist I've ever been to has had me fill out confidentiality papers in the beginning about who they can even contact by phone, and certainly never sent any mail or anything to my house, and I always paid any fees there in the office at the time of my appointments. Is there some other way a parent would be made aware of their kid being in therapy just due to the fact that they're using the parents' health insurance to access it?\n\nI wasn't sure if this was the right place to post at first because this seems to be more about insurance, but I figured therapists probably need to be pretty well versed in any potential weak spots in confidentiality. Thanks!", "answer": "Yes. Most insurance companies will send either by mail or electronically a statement to the person who's name is on the insurance regarding what services the insurance company paid for. \n\n\nSo in this case, if someone is on their parent's insurance and goes to therapy, the client will have signed a release of information to the insurance company so that the therapist is able to bill the company, or else the client couldn't use their insurance. \n\n\nOther than a statement showing the dates that the person attended therapy, the parent doesn't have any access to specific records, tx plans, or the therapist's notes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f2a78n", "comment_id": "f2a78n"}, {"question": "Running out of psych meds, can't get in touch with clinic", "description": "Age: 39\n\nSex: m\n\nHeight: 6'\n\nWeight: 220\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: na\n\nLocation: brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: psych\n\nCurrent medications: paliperidone(oral), mirtazapine, valium, prazosin, gabapentin, seroquel \n\n\n Don't know what to do. I had an appointment last week at the clinic canceled because the person I see was sick for refills. Have been trying to get in touch with them, no results. Pharmacy has faxed requests for refill, unanswered.\n\nI will be out of my paliperidone(12mg/day), gabapentin(1200/day), and mirtazapine(30mg/day) tomorrow evening. I still had a prescription for valium(30mg/day), prazosin(3mg/day) and seroquel left.\n\nIs there anything I can do if I don't get in touch with the clinic? Will my primary doctor be able to fill these? Should I ration the pills I have to last longer? Really at a loss especially with things closing down. I'm very afraid to stop the medicine that I do not have abruptly. Should I go to the hospital if I can't contact them?", "answer": "Your primary care doctor is allowed to refill these medications, but its up to him or her whether to do so. Documentation that these are supposed to be prescribed helps, but the pharmacy records can provide that.\n\nCall your PCP and ask tomorrow as well as calling your psychiatrist's clinic again. See if there is a message saying who is providing backup coverage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvy1t", "comment_id": "fjvy1t"}, {"question": "Can a toxic relationship ever become healthy?", "description": "Hi redditers,\n\nthrowaway account, because my (F30) boyfriend (M30) is on reddit as well.\n\nI'm in a quite toxic relationship. I know that! But ending it is quite a hard step, which I'm not ready to do quite yet. We have wonderful times together and can laugh a lot and cuddle a lot and all quite relaxed, we have been on vacation with his kids recently, everything great. (which is probably why ending it is so damn hard).\n\nBut then the downside. I do not want to blame anyone! I think its the mixture of the two of us. But our fights, well, we are both stubborn people, and they escalate! None of us wants to give in and then old problems are raised again and they last for days. There has been the occasional scuffling, nothing bad, like pushing away. But definitely not nice either. Yesterday it escalated. He was drunk, I was tipsy as well (for both not a regular thing, but there was a party). Well, I have a black eye. He has bite marks. I say, I had to defend myself, he says the same (I do not want to go into too much detail, trying to write objective here). He is not usually aggressive, and I'm not either. So I'm trying to tell myself, it was just really bad timing, a mixture of lots of different negative things. \n\nTLDR; Can a relationship ever recover from something like that? Can a relationship change so much, that it becomes \"untoxic\"/healthy? I really want to believe it can... but the friends that I have told the story to say: run! But I love that guy. It's crazy! Any help? Any insights? Any success stories? ", "answer": "only with a lot of counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u9642", "comment_id": "6u9642"}, {"question": "Should I go to a therapist?", "description": "I have had a life long co-dependent relationship with a toxic person (family member). They recently offered me an opportunity that I couldn't pass up, part of that included free housing for roughly the next year or so and assistance with tuition so I can finish my degree. I accepted as it coincided with other life impacting events and is a means to accomplish life goals and better myself in general. \n\nLiving with the person however is (slightly) detrimental to my mental health and has put me right back into the toxic environment that I am now forced to be subject to (by my own choosing). I am accustomed to the abuse and feel I can bear it until I accomplish my goals, that is not the issue.\n\nBecause of our toxic behaviour we came to the conclusion that we needed to see a therapist if we were going to have a healthy or functional relationship in the future. \n\nThe problem is two-fold, first I recognize that they despite their interest in healing our relationship, they are incapable of doing so. We have attempted in the past, and it always turns out the same, making things worse and backpeddling. That said I can't discount the possibility of future success in therapy. I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. But it is unlikely to do any good.\n\nWhich brings us to the second issue, because of the nature of our dis-functionality, therapy is going to require bringing up some issues and addressing things that will be difficult (for both of us) to deal with. I can say with almost certainty that will result in either me walking out and not coming back (or returning to self destructive behavior), or them throwing me out (most likely).\n\nTLDR: Toxic co-dependent relationship and environment, that needs therapy to recover. Going to therapy will be detrimental to my short term life goals (over the next year-ish).", "answer": "Yeah. Go. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7367nh", "comment_id": "7367nh"}, {"question": "I want it to stop", "description": "I want to stop feeling like shit everyday. I want to stop wanting to kill myself every time I'm alone. I want to sleep for more than two hours every goddamn night. I just want to feel mentally good for the first time since I was 12. Fuck.", "answer": "What are you doing to help make it stop? Are you in therapy? Are you developing healthy relationships? Are you doing self care? Are you reflecting on your daily struggles and successes to keep growing as a person and learning how to be a stable human being?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bxfga9", "comment_id": "bxfga9"}, {"question": "My mom took my ripped out diary pages from the trash and hid them in her closet to read. Do I have the right to be mad?", "description": "Okay. Too start off, here's why I even have a diary.\n\n1: I'm questioning my gender and sexuality but I have conservative parents who know this fact. It's too much for me to not write down my thoughts. \n\n2: I have a lot of anxiety, gender dysphoria and depression. It's hard for me not to vent to at least my private journal.\n\nSo I keep a journal that harbors all my private thoughts, my deepest secrets, and issues. I don't hold back because it makes me feel like someones listening to me without being judgmental. I love poetry and books and I'm very quiet which doesn't help the fact that I'm home schooled. I have no friends and I don't trust the family I live with, though I do have a sister-in-law who's closer to me than my full blooded sister, which is why I don't like to call her my sister-in-law. But she lives up in Tennessee and it's kind of hard to call someone when you're grounded from your phone, so I keep to myself. \n\nOkay, back to my journal. Recently, I through out some pages in my journal because I felt bad about some of the things I said. See, I write most of the stuff in there raw or in the heat of the moment. Today, I thought me and this other family were going to the gym to work out like normal so, I looked in my moms closet for a sports bra. My moms closet has a shelf at the top for hats and such. On that shelf I saw some oddly familiar bunched up pieces of paper, partly shoved under a rectangular picture frame. When I pulled of the paper I was mortified. It was the same paper I through away! I took the papers and ran them to my room to put them in my closet.\n\n I know it has to be my mom who stole them because my dad's out all day, and my mom takes out the trash. This isn't the first time she done something like this. What should I do??", "answer": "Of course you have the right to be mad, you have the right to some privacy. Granted, you're a teenager (I assume), so the privacy you have is limited, but it's important because you're figuring out your identity and who you are, separate from your parents - this is an important part of growing up.\n\nNow, as for what to do... you said your parents are conservative, but you didn't mention specifically how they feel about your gender/sexuality. Have they shown disapproval in the past?\n\nYour mom may have taken those diary pages, which is not ok... but I wonder why she hasn't confronted you about them. She may just be trying to understand where you are coming from and what you are thinking. Many people of conservative upbringing simply don't understand what its like being LGBT+ just because they've never known anyone who was.\n\nI recommend talking to them about it. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, so use your judgment as for how to go about it - but maybe explaining some of the thoughts you have, and how it makes you feel that they invaded your privacy - without getting confrontational about it - might be helpful. It might not, tbf. But make it clear to them that you want to get along with them, you just want to be accepted for who you are, and you want the space to figure this stuff out without judgment. Good luck", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9bn9c", "comment_id": "f9bn9c"}, {"question": "Almost 2 weeks but depressed all the time", "description": "As my badge says I'm a few weeks sober.\n\nI know that life wouldn't magically get better once I sobered up. However I've just been depressed almost the whole time. I'm consumed about how fucked my life has become and how nothing will get better. I don't enjoy anything that I used to enjoy. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but I wouldn't care if I died right now.\n\nJust sharing my thoughts and still not drinking today.", "answer": "I have found that while my crushing struggles with anxiety have all but vanished, depression has definitely been worse at times. My theory is that I was just drinking it away for the last ten years. Many things about sobriety have been amazing--especially passed the 30 day mark--but that hasn't been one of them. \n\nTake it easy, and see a doc if it doesn't get better soon. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zkvww", "comment_id": "5zkvww"}, {"question": "Knee problem since I was 13, every doctor I've been to says I just need to stretch more.", "description": "* Age 27\n* Sex M\n* Height 5'9\"\n* Weight 160lbs\n* Race White\n* Duration of complaint 14 years\n* Location (Geographic and on body) Houston, right knee\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) None\n* Current medications (if any) None\n\nI've had issues with my right knee since I was 13, was diagnosed with Osgood-Schlatter Disease, but the symptoms from that disappeared when I turned 18, however I've continued to have knee issues whenever I put too much weight on my right knee for an extended period of time or walk/run for a very extended amount of time. It has limited what exercises I'm able to do at the gym, exercises that really make it hurt are squats, deadlift, leg press, and running on treadmill for 30+ minutes, I've had to avoid these exercises. I've been to three doctors, all specializing in orthopedics. First doctor gave me an X-ray with nothing showing, second just gave me medication saying it was inflamed, third gave me a pamphlet to a rehab center. \n\nIt's hurting, slightly behind, the widest part of the tibia, and from what I have been able to look up, the lateral collateral ligament and medial collateral ligament are where it's hurting at. Not along the ligament but at that single point of the tibia on both sides. I can't post any photos at the moment, but later I can mark the point if necessary and post it.", "answer": "In your case, you might find that any operative procedure would cause more harm than good.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5krs1f", "comment_id": "5krs1f"}, {"question": "My wife let me know she was leaving me yesterday. Two weeks after our anniversary, two weeks before my birthday. Sober for 298 days, though.", "description": "But shit am I struggling today. \n\nThis is surreal. I\u2019m in a daze. I have no real friends here, they were all the husbands of couple friends. \n\nThere was no cheating. No abuse. On either side. \n\nShe said she hasn\u2019t been happy for a year or more...\n\nI\u2019m fucking lost right now. \n\nEdit: we met at a neutral place and had a talk. This is happening...I\u2019ve busied myself and visited my grandmother and doing some work from home. Tomorrow will be day 299. Thanks for all the kind words everyone. ", "answer": "It sometimes happens that a person marries an alcoholic so that they have someone who is dependent and who they can control. and when that person gets sober they begin asserting themselves. It\u2019s as if their partner suddenly changed personalities. There needs be be a reacquainting because the difference between sober self and drinking self is profound.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8qczf8", "comment_id": "8qczf8"}, {"question": "Was I unethically abandoned or am I just being dramatic?", "description": "What do you all think of this situation?\n\nI had been seeing a therapist, who I liked a lot and really trusted, for my depression for nearly a year. She used to work in a high security prison, so I figured my issues would be small potatoes to her. I was hospitalized a year into seeing her for being a danger to myself. While in the hospital, she called the ward and told a nurse to pass along the message to me that I wouldn\u2019t be her client anymore. I was devastated to hear this.\n\nAfter I was discharged, I called her office and left a few voicemails just to find out the reason for the abrupt termination and to ask for a referral. Nothing crazy. She wouldn\u2019t answer my calls or call me back. \n\nI left the hospital, at probably the lowest point in my life, and was left feeling like I had done something wrong and like I was beyond help. \n\nI can understand and respect if she felt she wasn\u2019t the right fit for me any longer, but never actually hearing anything from her was the real kicker. \n\nAm I wrong for feeling so messed up about this? Thanks a bunch.", "answer": "\nMy initial thought is that she may have been fired or otherwise disciplined and can't see you. (You can check the board 'a website to see her status . If a psychologist forgets to pay fees or does not complete continuing education, they can be suspended).Based on what you have shared, the only other way this could be ethical/ not abandonment is if she thinks she is somehow harming you. For example, if something that happened in therapy was related to your hospitalization. \n\nI know some DBT therapists have contracts with clients re self harm / suicide attempts , but if this was the issue , you would know.\n\nThis is what the APA ethics code says about this:\n\n3.12 Interruption of Psychological Services\nUnless otherwise covered by contract, psychologists make reasonable efforts to plan for facilitating services in the event that psychological services are interrupted by factors such as the psychologist's illness, death, unavailability, relocation, or retirement or by the client's/patient's relocation or financial limitations.\n\n10.10 Terminating Therapy\n(a) Psychologists terminate therapy when it becomes reasonably clear that the client/patient no longer needs the service, is not likely to benefit, or is being harmed by continued service.\n(b) Psychologists may terminate therapy when threatened or otherwise endangered by the client/patient or another person with whom the client/patient has a relationship.\n(c) Except where precluded by the actions of clients/patients or third-party payors, prior to termination psychologists provide pretermination counseling and suggest alternative service providers as appropriate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f4ick0", "comment_id": "f4ick0"}, {"question": "I have a separate voice in my head that I hear and interact with on a daily basis.", "description": "Using a throwaway.\n\nSo I have told my therapist this but I kind of...downplayed how important the voice is in my head. I talk to the voice aaalll the time, almost on a constant basis. And it\u2019s not like I\u2019m lonely. I have a ton of friends that I spend time with and talk to on a regular basis but the voice is still always there. He is actually the one who convinced me to go to therapy because my depression and anxiety was getting really bad and he wanted me to get help. I told my therapist that he\u2019s there to just help me through problems I have (which he does...we bounce ideas off of each other until a solution comes up) and it was like having someone to talk to who couldn\u2019t tell someone else my problems. She told me not to worry about it because it just sounds like a coping mechanism but I also wasn\u2019t completely honest with her about the importance of the voice in my head and I also wasn\u2019t honest that it was separate. She just thought my \u201cthought voice\u201d is masculine instead of being a separate entity. I just didn\u2019t correct her.", "answer": "Hey, I'm a little late to this thread but even if you're hearing voices, *it doesn't have to be a bad thing*. Some people hear supportive or neutral voices and there's nothing wrong with that! Voices aren't all scary or bad.\n\nI am *not* saying you have schizophrenia or anything like that as I'm not your therapist, but here's a cool TED talk I watched a while back from someone who hears voices if you're interested.\n\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw\n\nThere's nothing wrong with bringing up your experience with your therapist if you haven't already. You obviously have some thoughts and concerns about what you're experiencing, even if the experience isn't negative, and it's therefore something worth discussing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwqah3", "comment_id": "bwqah3"}, {"question": "How do people with Asperger's manage open relationships?", "description": "Bf has Asperger's. He and I have been together for two years+. We decided to open our relationship mainly because he wants to experiment certain things that I'm really not into. He's focusing mostly on his physical desire to have sex with other people. What I've tried to explain but he seems to be somewhat unaware is that from those random sexual encounters someone somewhere is bound to become emotionally attached and expect more. I've done extensive research about open relationships, and I fear that the stress of managing emotional needs from different people may be too much for him (he already gets overwhelmed with one gf, and I know I provide an emotionally stable environment), so I mentioned to him that it may be easier for him and me to actively manage our emotional needs in our relationship and make it flourish and just use this open status to act on impulses if they happen/fall on our lap instead of actively pursuing other relationships. We have a strict set of rules, and we will revisit the situation in a week to compare notes. I realize I could have posted this in nonmonogamy, but I believe that in this case aspergers is a better sub. Any advice on the situation will be appreciated. Anything we can do better? Thanks in advance.", "answer": "Socially competent people suck at open relationships. Good luck with an aspie. Sorry for being a Debbie Downer.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1jds5n", "comment_id": "1jds5n"}, {"question": "bad chest pains, weakness, despite doctors saying I'm ok (19yF)", "description": "19 skinny, but cheap diet. no work out regimen. so I have PVCs pretty often, that's a common thing, so I take Tenormin 25mg once a day. Without the pills my resting heart rate would be fast as hell usually 90 or so. I get this feeling of someone squeezing my heart all the time and now it's just worrisome, my pulse is so hard like I'm getting hit in the chest. \nI'm a pretty stressful person and I have BAD anxiety, but I really don't think that's what it is. I spent a lot of time learning about myself and my mental issues so when people say 'it's just anxiety' I get so annoyed. \n\nthis week I've had the squeezing pain almost 24/7, I was getting lightheaded and my lips got really swollen (probably from the prednisone I'm on for an allergic reaction) I went to the doctor BP was normal but I went to the ER right away I was just scared and chest pains aren't to be ignored, especially when you take beta blockers for PVCs. \n\nGot to the ER (it was actually a quick-ish comfortable place) I told them about my chest pains and trouble breathing so they hooked me up, I got an ekg and chest X-ray, as well as blood tests for dehydration I think. they said everything was fine! I asked what I should do about the chest pains that are so scary for me. they literally said just take Tylenol. WHAT?? they prescribed something for the \"vertigo\" I had but I didn't get that filled because that's not what it is I get lightheaded all the time and I don't know maybe I'm stubborn but there's no way it's just vertigo. That was my second opinion, I've been to a cardiologist who told me I was too young to be there. F U! \n\nwell last night I had more of a heartburn like feeling all over my chest, and my heart feels weak like I just got out of an open heart surgery. this morning it's more weak and so so tired! I know the steroids can increase heart rate but I just have a really bad feeling. I can breathe ok it's just the tightness in my chest right now. \n\ncan someone help me so I can get the help I really need? could the problem be somewhere else? I have an extensive list of problems so please ask me anything! lol ", "answer": "Honestly, I don't think it's sinister. You might not want to hear this, but it does sound anxiety-related.\n\nEdit: Might be worthwhile considering an alternative to atenolol, like an SSRI.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4x98w5", "comment_id": "4x98w5"}, {"question": "What\u2019s the best way to ask out girls in college classes and get a yes?", "description": "Especially if you\u2019ve know them for weeks?", "answer": "Have you been speaking to them regularly for weeks in 1 on 1 kind of scenarios? If so then you're good to go. As a few others said, figure out something to do for a date, ask her if she wants to do it with you. If she says no because she doesn't seem interested in that activity, just give her your number in case she changes her mind or wants to hang out some time. \n\n\nIf you haven't talked to her much outside of class conversations or group conversations, find a way to spark up conversation when it's just the two of you. Could just be about class stuff or anything else. If you try to ask her on a date and you haven't had at least a good amount of small talk or social interaction, I'd say your chances are pretty slim. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8wayrz", "comment_id": "8wayrz"}, {"question": "How do I fight off my sexual fantasy?", "description": "I'll keep this one simple as I can\n\nBeen with my current girlfriend for 2 years, things are great. We've known each other for a lot longer than that. Both interested in getting married in a couple years. \n\nLately, I've been having the urge to sate a sexual fantasy of mine.\n\nI really like MILFs/cougar/older women. I'm 25 right now and I know the older I get the less interesting the fantasy will become to me, but its just something that turns me one\n\nWhen I was single I'd been with two older women, one when I was 21 and another 23, met them online on okcupid and craigslist\n\nAnyways, lately, that fantasy/fetish has been itching at me and I just really want to fuck a MILF again\n\nThe problem is I know my girlfriend would never be open to it. \n\nShes pretty open sexually, we communicate good, she reads smut and I watch porn and we are both extremely open and honest about our sexuality with each other, very positive\n\nI just don't know how to bring this up to her, I don't want her to think I want to cheat on her or do something dishonest\n\nI just don't know what else to do, the only other option would be to just play my cards with a burner email account and stay private but I feel like that just doesn't feel good to me\n\nWhat should I do", "answer": "if one needs to play out fantasies, they are not ready to be in a committed relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q5649", "comment_id": "5q5649"}, {"question": "Should I forgive him", "description": "So I'm in quite a peculiar situation. My boyfriend cheated and says it made realize he had fallen in love with me.\n\nI'm a senior in College and I've been dating this guy for almost a year. It was very light and fun at first because we both new we were graduating but we ultimately fell head over heels for each other. \n\nSince we are graduating soon, we started having talks about our relationship and the likelihood of it ending as we are going separate ways due to job opportunities. We stayed together because our relationship was so special but neither of us had openly admitted that we'd be willing to try long distance. \n\nTwo weeks ago, things got heavy and I realized that I gebuinely wanted to see where our relationship could go after graduation. He told me he loved me and that he had been holding it in. I reciprocated and we got even closer than before. \n\nToday, I told him flat out that I want to be with him after graduation and I would regret it if we didn't try to make this work long distance. He fought me a little, being very wary of the concept until he got extremely emotional. He told me he had slept with someone and that it happened the night before he told me he loved me. \n\nAfter some screaming (my part) and begging (his part) and crying (mutual) I let him talk. It was a classmate of his that was going through the same relationship issue and didn't know what to do. They had bonded over that. \n\nHe explained that he did it as a sort of self sabotage, because he didn't want it to be as hard to break up. He figured if he did something so bad, it would help him move on. He said that immediately after, though we had only talked about going our separate ways, he knew that he was in love with me and had made the biggest mistake of his life. \n\nThe next day he told me he loved me and I was oblivious. I had noticed the change in him though and I could see in his eyes the way he looked at me. I have never felt that close to anyone in my life. \n\nHe says that he wasn't going to tell me he had cheated because we are going our separate ways in a month and he didn't want to put that pain on me if it wasn't necessary.\n\nThe reason he broke down and told me was because when I said I wanted to stay together after graduation, he knew that he wanted to as well. He also knew that he couldn't stay with me without telling me of the night 2 weeks ago that ultimately forced him to realize this fact. \n\nPlease help. I have been cheated on before and have had no trouble kicking the guy to the curb with a firm \"good riddence\". But this guy is special. And I truly believe him. I just don't know if I can forgive him or trust him. Is it worth it?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68kdkw", "comment_id": "68kdkw"}, {"question": "My psycologist told me to write something like this", "description": "She told me to have someone else presenting me in third person, so I wrote this:\n\n\"Do you know who Rafael is\nHe is a cool man, yeah\nHe might be weird to you\nEither in the begging, or always\n\nHe is not the usual guy that you hang around with, but\nDamn\u2026 if he ever gives you his hand, trust him\nHe doesn't has a knife in his back, nor is he crossing his fingers\n\nHe might be toug when you first meet him, but he isn't masking himself, \nHe is just protecting himself against the world \nHe has suffered, may be a little, and others have suffered way more than him, but you know what?\nLife is not about comparisons, so it doesn't matter who suffers the most \nNo one deserves to suffer\n\nHe used to trust in everyone, yeah\u2026 a bad decision \nHis body and his mind aren't syncronized, since \nHe lives in this world, but his mind is idealized\n\nHis uncle once told him: \"you know what has idealism given to me only?\nMy friends and others were slaughtered in the 68\u2026\n nothing more, nor less\"\n\nHe told his uncle that it was understandable\u2026\nthat idealism hasn't given something good to him but, what about french revolution?\n We need more people who are willing to give their lives for what they standing against to\n\nThey say: \"better die stood up, than live on your knees\"\n\nAnd nothing is going to change his mind, \nNot at all\n\nBut he is wise, because bro\u2026 he doesn't want to die\nIt is not showing off but, imagine having such potential, but\u2026\nSomeone too stupid that didn't like his way of thinking killed him\u2026\nSuch waste\u2026\"\n\nI know that if I ask for someone to tell me if it is right, it is like needing a confirmation, which isn't \"good\", and that is not what I am looking for. What I am looking for is about what you think of the presentation\n", "answer": "Rafael seems like a good guy who has been through a lot. \n\nSince only you know Rafael (you), only you know if this is \"right\" or not. I will say that it seems like you have some good insight into who you are and your motivations. I imagine that this writing would be helpful to discuss with your psychologist. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "35wrtc", "comment_id": "35wrtc"}, {"question": "Do feelings actually change? My boyfriend (M/20) said he could never love me (F/19) and then months later essentially took back everything he said.", "description": "Long story short. I said \"I love you\" to early in the relationship and he dumped me because he didn't feel the same way and had no romantic feelings for me. \n\n\nWe kept hooking up after that as \"friends wth benefits\" and somehow made our way back to girlfriend/boyfriend status and he admitted he loved me (at first he said it was familial love and then eventually conceded that his feelings for me were romantic.)\n\n\nMy question is, should I trust this and is this the kind of guy I want to let myself fall deeper in love with?", "answer": "i dumped my wife after a month in 1968 and wrote to her 10 years later. just had our 38th anniversary.\n\ntrust is consistency over time. if he acts like he's in love, and talks like he's in love, and that goes on consistently, then you'll have your answer", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5taxtr", "comment_id": "5taxtr"}, {"question": "Current Medication and Alcohol", "description": "Hello,\n\nI was hoping someone could maybe help clear this up for me. I'm going to a social gathering later and was wondering if I could have any alcohol. I'll start off by saying I've never drank before. I wouldn't really have much alcohol, if any while I'm there, but was still curious. If anything, it would be a minimal amount (I can't even really say how much it'd be). Though obviously, I'm not a drinker.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm currently on Metronidazole 250mg twice a day, for Pouchitis (J-Pouch). Last dose was taken at 1pm. I am also taking Tramadol HCL 50mg when needed for Hip/Back due to Ankylosing Apondylitis and other hip issues.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was planning to take a Tramadol before leaving, so I can function better throughout the night. Is this okay if I possibly also have some alcohol?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm very careful with all my medications.\n\nI'm a 25 year old white male.\n\n5' 3'' and about 105lbs.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you so much in advance!\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "If you're on metronidazole you shouldn't drink at all. The medication causes a \"disulfiram-like reaction\" and causes even small amounts of alcohol to make you feel very ill with flushing, vomiting, and dizziness. Some people describe it as an instant hangover. It's not very dangerous to drink, but it likely is very miserable. You've said you're not a drinker, so just don't drink while taking that antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9vpp6s", "comment_id": "9vpp6s"}, {"question": "Recreational Cannabis Usage While On Low Doses Of Sertraline", "description": "How likely is a young man in his early 20s of average weight and above average height to experience ill effects of smoking cannabis once every month or so while continually taking Sertraline 50mg? What type of ill effects are to be expected if likely and are they likely to be fatal?\n\nTL;DR Am I gonna die if I get high this weekend?", "answer": "You're not gonna die.\n\nCannabis use tends to worsen anxiety chronically, but I don't know of anything suggestive about very occasional recreational use with or without SSRIs. It's probably as safe as cannabis for anyone, which is to say mostly but not entirely safe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aqevte", "comment_id": "aqevte"}, {"question": "Pwbpd Split on Me ( FP) how do I introduce myself back into her life w/o setting her off?", "description": " My ex who has bpd Split on me a little over 1 month ago and things ended pretty badly. I was her FP for roughly 5 years and we were very very close. Our relationship was very intense but we are best friends and have gone through so much together. Out of the 5 years that she's been in my life she's only left me once. This fight, however, has been the biggest of them all. Nonetheless, I don't want to lose her. I' m trying to slowly introduce myself back into her life and I want to make sure that i'm not being overbearing. \n\n* Her birthday was a few days ago and i texted her Happy Birthday. She responded with a simple \"thanks.\" I didn't push or try to start a convo because I didn't want to aggravate her or trigger her on her birthday\n* The next day I wake and I get a text from her that says something like: \"I may come around some time in the future (in regards to speaking with me again) because I do miss our friendship. But I need time for things to simmer down and I need to think about a different approach..you understand?\" I responded back \"Yes, I understand. I'll be here when you're ready to talk.\"\n* The following day I thought maybe my text was too cold so I texted her again saying \"my apologies if my message came off cold but I miss our friendship too and I do hope you had an amazing birthday.\" She responded back: \"No worries.\"\n* I texted her today saying \"Good Afternoon! I hope you have an amazing day\" she responded \"Thanks you too.\"\n\nI understand that all persons with bpd are different and not the same. But what do you guys think? or put differently, what do you guys prefer when you're coming down from a split from your FP? Should I continue to send her \"have a good day texts\" everyone once and while? Should I try to slowly push for a 10minute phone conversation.? Should I just back off and slowly let her come to me? I really don't want to blow this up. She means so much to me and I while I have been focusing on myself in her absence, I can't deny that I miss her very much.", "answer": "I think you should take the hint and leave her alone", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gjcych", "comment_id": "gjcych"}, {"question": "When I\u2019m shown physical and emotional affection", "description": "I have to deflect it by being an asshole and pushing them away. Only when they want to leave do I finally realize how much of an asshole I was.\n\nExhausting.", "answer": "Maybe try rewriting this but as if you were your own therapist. It seems like there is so much you could change within just this simple statement. \n\nThe BPD paradox: getting better needs validation but is going to include a bunch of invalidating components, like catching your thoughts and challenging them. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "807hpf", "comment_id": "807hpf"}, {"question": "What are natural questions to ask to quickly get people talking about their deepest interests?", "description": "When first meeting someone, what are some conversational avenues to explore in order to find out the things which are close to their hearts or that they find really engaging, but in a fluid and natural way?", "answer": "\"What are you into?\"", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "85bv93", "comment_id": "85bv93"}, {"question": "I realized something horrible about my depression and now I'm terrified", "description": "Having depression ruins our general interactions with people. I believe we all know this. However, I also realized I might never be able to be a parent because I would be so unfit as a person with depression. In addition, we are constantly told \"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else\". I might never end up with anyone. So I will literally most likely end up alone and childless if my depression never improves or goes away. I'm terrified now. ", "answer": "Do what you can to come back into the moment. Realize you are responding with fear to ideas which are not real in front of you, at best possibilities which may not come true. Breath slowly and deeply to relax and ground yourself. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2qf8b0", "comment_id": "2qf8b0"}, {"question": "how do you know if antidepressants are working?", "description": "I've tried two different types (one SSRI and currently taking a SNRI) but they don't seemed to have helped that much. As a very 'kind' doctor once said to me \"they're not mAgIc PiLlS\" \ud83d\ude12 I mean I'm less suicidal right now but idk if that's the tablets or I'm playing a game that's very distracting at the moment. I still have 0 motivation and have many zombie days where I can't even find the will to get out of bed. Can anyone give any help or advice that isn't \"it's different for everyone\" cause that isn't very helpful to me", "answer": "May I ask how long you've been taking your current med?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elsi70", "comment_id": "elsi70"}, {"question": "Please help explain CT brain scan diagnosis. Possible Alzheimer?", "description": "Hello, the below is the diagnosis of a family member after receiving a brain scan. The doctor was not able to give a satisfactory explanation so we are not sure where we stand. Possible Alzheimer diagnosis?\n\nAny comments appreciated.\n\nClinical History:\u00a0\n\nc/o poor short term memory.\u00a0 also reports feeling more unsteady on feet past 1 year.\n\nGP COG 7 / 9. Dementia work up\n\nREQUESTED BY :\n\nBLEEP :\n\nCT Head: There is focal dilation of the right temporal horn.\u00a0 The ventricular system and CSF spaces are otherwise within normal limits.\u00a0 There are low attenuation foci in the region of the capsule on the right and the periventricular regions bilaterally. The former may represent a perivascular space.\u00a0 The latter are more in keeping with established lacunar infarcts. There is no significant periventricular small vessel ischaemic change.\n\nNo other focal intracerebral abnormality. No bony abnormality.\n\nAge 62\n\nHeight 5ft 7,\n\nFemale\n\nNon smoker, doesnt drink\n\nNo other medical issues\n\nPoor short term memory.\u00a0 also reports feeling more unsteady on feet past 1 year.", "answer": "\"Lacunar infarcts\" means very small strokes in the deep brain. It's impossible to know exactly what they mean or if they have any symptoms, but they're at least consistent with multi\\-infarct or vascular dementia, but that in more a clinical diagnosis than a radiological one.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jkghw", "comment_id": "8jkghw"}, {"question": "Don't know what to do", "description": "I come from a long line of alcoholics on my dad's side. I have never picked up that habit, but unfortunately, my brother did. He used to get drunk and just hang out, but lately, he has been getting violent. He can't keep a job, which is sad because he is a really talented chef, and he is currently living with my mother. He is 37 years old. Last night, my mom sent me a picture of her gas grill. It was dented in from where he smashed it. I called her and could hear him yelling in the background. He was telling her she was a bitch and telling her to fuck off. I talked to my other brother in Raleigh and he and I agreed that the cops needed to be called. He called them from Raleigh, and I called them from Wilmington. (North Carolina) The cops got to the house and said they couldn't arrest him. I have no idea why. He was destroying my mom's house and they couldn't do anything? WTF?? After the cops left, I was talking to my mom on the phone. I heard him say, \"You called the fucking cops on me? fucking bitch!\" I told my mom to tell him it was me who called the cops. A few minutes later I am getting texts from him telling me \"I hope you die, bitch.\" and \"Have a nice retarded life with your kids.\" (My kids are autistic) I am at a total loss on what to do. I told my mom she needed to kick his ass out of the house. Let him live in a shelter or whatever, but he couldn't stay there. It is only a matter of time before he does something to her. I'm sorry for the post, but I had to vent, and I figured this would be the place to do it. \nthanks for reading. ", "answer": "Is he also in the triangle?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h9kc8", "comment_id": "1h9kc8"}, {"question": "[24/M] cheated on [19/f].How do i tell her?", "description": "Been together for 3 years.We had a long distance relationship,and never had sex when i visited cause her parents were there.\n\nI couldnt cope with not having sex for so long,and yesterday i got drunk and used it as an excuse to cheat...\n\nHow do i tell her?She will be devastated,and really i don't see this relationship going anywhere anymore,we don't even talk as a couple.But,if i leave her she will be alone,as her social life isn't that great..\n\nAny advice is welcome,and sorry for the formating or any grammar mistakes.", "answer": "most would not consider this cheating. imo, ldr is not really a relationship. and you never had sex, which makes it less of one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lssou", "comment_id": "6lssou"}, {"question": "What do you think of tinder?", "description": "I'm not sure about the idea of finding someone through tinder? It almost seems too forced. But what do you think?", "answer": "anything that allows you to meet someone new is a good thing. like anything else, u just have to be careful and go slow", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "79cuy2", "comment_id": "79cuy2"}, {"question": "Seek for advice in work setting", "description": "I worked at a children care center and today I had a pretty bad conflict with my colleague. I feel she's been bullied me and very bossy. I literally dislike her a lot and at the end I broke into crying very bad. I had a talk with my boss about it, but I don't know what to do with that person I argued with while I have to meet her everyday. Anyone ever has same situation and any advice about it? Really appreciate it. ", "answer": "a boss should take the responsibility of mediating a permanent resolution", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vlil6", "comment_id": "5vlil6"}, {"question": "How common is it for therapists to recommend people get dogs ?", "description": " \n\nI read on another sub reddit about a woman who's \" therapist told her to get a puppy to help her cope and to help her kids deal with some stuff\"\n\n2 question\n\n1. How common is it for therapists to do this?\n2. Is there any proof that this really benefits people\n\nNow I know there are some pet lovers who declare their animal is an ESA, just so they can bring them anywhere they want.\n\nbut telling someone who isn't necessarily interested in owning a dog that they should get one for their own good or the good of their family seems pretty irresponsible.\n\nDog are a lot of work/expensive, I would think this is a perfect recipe for dogs being neglected or sent to the pound.", "answer": "I don't know how common this is as a clinician recommendation, but I can answer this question:\n\n>Is there any proof that this really benefits people\n\nNo. General wellbeing between pet owners and non-pet owners is about the same. While many folks report getting great emotional comfort from their pets, there is almost certainly a self-selection piece there. No one (to my knowledge) has randomly assigned pet ownership to people (for ethical reasons), meaning we are very limited in our ability to make causal statements. The correlational research is complex and does not clearly favor one option or the other. The most reliable correlations between pet ownership and owner wellness are actually physical health related-- e.g. faster recovery after heart attacks, better cardiovascular health. But again, it's totally plausible that healthier people are more likely to take on the responsibility of having a pet. \n\nI am a huge animal lover. However, I, personally, would never recommend an animal to a client. I am happy to support people in getting an animal if they decide they want one. I also have worked with clients to make other plans to interact with animals, such as volunteering at the humane society, making a plan to walk someone else's dog on a regular schedule, or making a plan to visit another animal setting such as an aquarium (something we CAN randomly assign people to do and something that does potentially show some causal mental health benefits). In these cases, I am usually coming from a behavioral activation perspective, and would only go this route if the client expressed an interest in associating with animals. (Behavioral activation does have a robust evidence base for treatment of depression.)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hb2avy", "comment_id": "hb2avy"}, {"question": "Injectable Abilify was administered in the wrong place - Questions concerning an overdose", "description": "So my girlfriend (24 year old female, 5'5\") was prescribed injectable Abilify to be administered monthly. She also takes Lithium. The injection goes into her gluteus maximus, but the nurse applied the shot a lot higher - much more like her lower back than her buttock.\n\nNot being medical professionals, we weren't overly concerned until she started having a pretty bad reaction, assumedly to the shot. Mostly nausea and a very clouded and fragmented mind. She went to the ER, where they did a psych eval and a blood test, but we noticed when we got home that the blood test did not look for abilify levels on the results sheet.\n\nSo the next day, with her feeling no better, she went back to her family doctor to ask them what to do. They said there wasn't much to be done other than rest and drink lots of fluid in hopes of flushing it out. It's been two days full days now, and she says she feels less nauseous, but her head still feels \"cloudy\".\n\nDoes anyone have any experience with this kind of situation? i.e. with a self dosing injectable medication being administered into the wrong location? With abilify overdose, if that's what the case is? How long can we expect these symptoms to last? Is there anything we should be doing in the meantime?\n\nThanks for reading, and for any advice that happens my way.", "answer": "There's no major issue giving an aripiprazole depot in the location you specified, as long as it went into muscle. Also you dont check aripiprazole levels (it doesnt tell you anything useful - its easier to note toxicity through [extrapyramidal symptoms](https://www.drugs.com/cg/extrapyramidal-symptoms.html)). It should be fine in the long run.\n\nAdmittedly, im not sure why it was administered in the location you describe rather than into the backside as usual.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vsb7n", "comment_id": "5vsb7n"}, {"question": "The progression of TOO MANY TABS", "description": "* Step 1: Leave things open in tabs for months because \"I'm going to need that information for something at some point in the future.\"\n\n* Step 2: Have so many tabs open that I can no longer see what any of them are. Split off some of them into a new window, maybe even splitting off related tabs if I'm feeling particularly organized.\n\n* Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 several times.\n\n* Step 4 (optional): Maybe go through and bookmark some sites and disregard others to close those tabs. Barely make a dent.\n\n* Step 5: End up with 4 windows open with approximately 50 tabs each. Use up 100% of computer's ram doing absolutely nothing.\n\n* Step 6?: Get fed up with this, go through and copy and paste the URLs into a .txt file with a short description of why I think I'll need them. Save this .txt file as something like \"notes7.txt\" along with all of the other notes files in my gigantic dump of a downloads folder.\n\n* Step 7: Enjoy not having my computer fan rev up anytime I open my browser, for a while, until\n\n* Step 8: Repeat from step 1. *WWHHYYYYYYY*", "answer": "I do this with an extra step. Adding the related tabs into their own desktop. Then end up with 7 desktops and a thousand programs open with infinite tabs, none of which I will use because I will get annoyed and close them all at once one day.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bnrq3h", "comment_id": "bnrq3h"}, {"question": "Well, I'm basically a horrible person.", "description": "I [M23] am madly in love with my girlfriend of almost 2 years [F20], and she is as madly in love with me. It's crazy how we synergize, how we mesh. The sex is amazing, the closeness is unmatched by any other couple I have ever seen...but I have a problem that I seem unable to resolve. \n\nThere is another girl.\n\nNow, I know what you are thinking, I'm a cheater. But no, that's not it. This other girl is madly in love with me as well, and we have been together previously. She is going through great lengths to get me back, and I have repeatedly told her it's not happening, that I am planning to be married with this girl, that we are over now, and forever.\n\nSo, the hook, the problem...she keeps tempting me, and I don't know what to do. She's basically my best friend, outside of the whole \"she-wants-me-back\" thing. We are close, and when there isn't that romantic pressure, we have fun together. We talk, laugh, joke, whatever. But recently, things have gotten a little..racey. \n\nWe joke about sex all the time, we talk about it. Nothing across the line of being faithful to my SO, you know, just general talk. But, she sent me a picture. Of her. With crazy cleavage. It's so pronounced, it's obvious what she did. My default response is to ask my SO about it...but she's a crazy jealous GF. She'd demand that I discontinue contact permanently. \n\nOn the other hand...isn't my friend earning that by crossing that line?\n\nFurther more, somehow she got me into this discussion about nudes. About it just being for fun, or for me to help her feel attractive, or because she's started this new diet/exercise thing, to be there for her throughout the progress as a bestfriend-workout partner thing. \n\nIt's drawing all sorts of moral confusion in me. On one hand, she's my best friend. I can't just abandon her. We've been through hell and back, her mom having cancer, me being tossed out at 15 and working through depression. We've bonded as friends.\n\nOn the other, the love of my life deserves respect, and I love her with everything I am. I don't know how to work this out with everyone winning, if that is even possible.\n\nSo reddit, the TL;DR :\n\nI'm an honorable guy, with no tolerance to cheating and the like. However my bestfriend is making advances that I am not sure how to deal with, as I don't want to lose either her OR my bride-to-be. I don't know if I should shut her out of my life, or to somehow deal with this. \n\nHELP. \n\nWhat do I do!?\n\nEDIT: I just realized I left out a crucial part; when she brought up nudes, I said no. Instantly. We haven't really talked since, and now I'm just working out how to deal with her actions in my head.", "answer": "This \"best friend\" doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. She has an agenda and it doesn't seem like she really cares about the boundaries you've been attempting to it down. And just because you guys have history doesn't mean that you have to stick by her when she is displaying inappropriate behavior towards you. \"Abandoning\" her just kind of sounds like an excuse. It's not abandonment if she is continuing to be disrespectful. As a woman, I have guy friends that I love and think are incredibly attractive and totally bond with however, I would never ever jeopardize the relationship they are in because that is just pure selfishness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1k54jl", "comment_id": "1k54jl"}, {"question": "Dyshidrotic eczema fluid- what is it?", "description": "Gender: female\nAge: 21\nSmoking history: none, though my SO smokes near me often\nWeight: ~135lbs\nHeight: 5\u20193.5\u201d\nMeds: None\nMedical problems: cat allergy\nLocation of complaint: fingers/hands\nDuration of complaint: on and off the past few years or so\n\nI suspect I have a very mild case of this eczema- tiny, itchy blisters forming \u2018deep\u2019 under my skin, usually on my fingertips and the edges of my fingers. When popped, the liquid leaves a sheen behind after drying- it\u2019s definitely not water (if that wasn\u2019t evident before.) What is the liquid inside eczema blisters?", "answer": "Eczema blisters, like many blisters, fill with plasma \\(the liquid, non\\-cellular part of blood\\)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mg68l", "comment_id": "8mg68l"}, {"question": "My SO gives me the silent treatment if I bring up an issue in our relationship, I end up apologising and it never gets resolved.", "description": "How do I move past this? its happened more times than I can count now. I approach the subject at hand in a calm and tactful manner (truthfully) but it doesn't seem to matter how carefully I tread, he switches off and he becomes unreachable. He finally gets back to me, sometimes after days, and we never talk about it. I guess after hes silent for that long, I begin to feel relieved he wants to talk again. \nHelp?", "answer": "VERY unhealthy dynamic. go to counseling or end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74uoqe", "comment_id": "74uoqe"}, {"question": "Can you get an imbalance in serotonin?", "description": "So I started taking an SSRI, fluvoxamine, in 2016 for anxiety and panic for about a full year. Then I stopped taking the SSRIs after that full year because I wanted to be independent of them (i.e. flat out stopped taking them, no winding down). Then, after 6 months of little to no anxiety, I started having panic attacks again. Then I went back on the same dosage of those very SSRIs. Noticed they were making me depressed and scared. Also started developing symptoms of a \"silent migraine\" \u2013 dizziness, foggy vision, feeling slightly off balance. Can this be correlated to my experience with this med? I also noticed I didn't have this silent migraine for months, and it recently developed a month ago. So then I deloaded off the SSRI but the silent migraine won't go away. Anyone know why? I went to the doc and he couldn't come up with a conclusion. He said it would go away with time. I should also mention that I did get prescribed panic attack medication, hydroxizine, which I only took once (25 mg), in February. I believe that the dizziness spells (i.e. silent migraine) started happening the day after I took that and won't go away. I should also mention that my state of mind is mostly negative, for example not understanding why the earth exists, being afraid of death, afraid of something bad happening.\n\nMaybe it's all in my head? Maybe I'm just hyperattentive to detail because of my anxiety? My psychiatrist prescribed to me a new med, Luvox; do you think I should take this to try to change my state of mind into a more positive one?", "answer": "Luvox isn't a new med, it's the brand name for fluvoxamine.\n\nIt's hard to know. SSRIs can have side effects, including ones produced by an excess of serotonin. It's hard to know what your \"silent migraine\" is, but it sounds like it seems to happen independent of SSRIs. That could itself be a symptom of anxiety.\n\nThese are things that you should talk about with your psychiatrist. Have you felt better when not taking an SSRI or when you have been, and which SSRI? Which symptoms do you have when?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c9h51", "comment_id": "8c9h51"}, {"question": "How do I know when it\u2019s the right time to ask out this girl?", "description": "Ok so first off this is obviously a throwaway (of sorts ;) ) Here\u2019s the problem:\n\nI have trouble expressing my feelings to people I like. I really like this person, and her friend who is also my friend told me that she doesn\u2019t like anyone, but he said not to move on because I can make her like me. So I started talking to her over the past week or so, and he keeps telling me to just ask her out so I\u2019m not a \u201cbitch\u201d. Problem is, I\u2019m scared of rejection making things awkward, and I wouldn\u2019t know how to handle myself. I realllyyyy like this girl though. I think I should wait a little longer until it feels completely right, but I\u2019m worried that time will never come.\n My question is will that time where it feels right to ask her out ever come? Also, what should I do in my situation? I really need guidance but all my friend basically keeps saying is \u201cdo it\u201d.\n\nThanks so much!", "answer": "Simple tip I wish I had learned when I was a lot younger before figuring it out. Never literally \"ask someone out\" if that's indeed what you were planning on. Kids do it all the time I know, I did it too. Essentially when you do that you're saying \"I know we haven't gone on any dates or done anything like that but will you be in a relationship with me?\" which can be awkward and off-putting.\n\nIf you've talked to her before, just ask her if she wants to hang out with you and do .... (whatever you would normally do for fun). If she asks asks if anyone else is hanging out, just say no. If she asks if it's a date, say \"yeah why not\". If she says she doesn't want to or makes excuses or cancels, you know she's not interested. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80fyqq", "comment_id": "80fyqq"}, {"question": "I found out my mom [68/f] is having an affair with a coworker. I tell my dad [68/m] right?", "description": "I found some inappropriate text messages between my mom and a coworker. I don't know if they have done anything sexual or even hung out outside of work. To summarize the text messages they were using pet names for each other, he was constantly calling her beautiful, complementing her outfits, and how good she smelled. I think they were also meeting up during breaks onsite at work. For the most part he was initiating it, and she was mostly responding with a kissy face emoji. This was not easy for me to read. I plan on telling my dad this Sunday in person. I don't exactly know how I'm going to tell him, but I feel like I have to. I have no idea what the fallout will be. Is telling him the right thing to do? I guess I'm looking for reassurance. \n\n.\n\nEdit: I'm not telling the co-workers wife. I agree not my business. I don't want to hurt my dad or for them to split up. If i was in this situation I would want to know. That's where my thought process is coming from. Right now I'm leaning more towards just confronting my mom. Then what do I do? I confront her tell her to stop and then stay out of it?", "answer": "Stay out of it. Don't get in the middle. Talk to your Mom about your concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7662a3", "comment_id": "7662a3"}, {"question": "My therapist suggested I stop talking to certain people about the inner workings of my mind.", "description": "I have only told three people about my PTSD diagnosis, excluding you guys of course.\n\n1. My boyfriend of over 2 years that I live with. He is also my best friend and, honestly, the only one I've got as a support system.\n\n2. My roommate/friend- the closest person to me besides my boyfriend\n\n3. My mother- I thought she deserved to know.\n\n\nRecently, talking to my boyfriend about the disorder has caused a lot of conflict. I think aloud and often verbalize things I think to him just for the sake of sorting out what's going on in the jumbled mess of my thoughts. Often, he interprets this as complaining, me being self-centered, and as a personal attack on how he fails me. It's really not that to me at all. But when he responds negatively to me speaking my thoughts, I feel the need to justify myself and it turns into an argument. I don't want to be selfish but it's hard to think of anyone but myself when I constantly feel unsafe. Maslow's hierarchy, you know? I'll never reach self-actualization without first having security. Its also frustrating because I want him to understand what's going on with me and I know he tries to empathize, but he really doesn't have a clue. My therapist said to stop talking to him about it for a while. It reduces conflict and helps me come to terms with the fact that he will never completely understand what I'm going through. But I tell him everything! How can I keep something so important all bottled up and restrict communication in our relationship? That can't be good for the relationship, right?\nMy other friend isn't overly concerned with the issue and hasn't mentioned it again so neither have I. I'm fine with this.\nAs for my mother, my therapist thinks she may be a trigger for me and may inhibit my recovery. She's not the cause of the main trauma I remember, but she did attack me once while she was drunk a while back and I felt my life was threatened. It was the cause of me leaving home never to return. But now that I've told her what's going on in my life, she wants to meet and discuss. I dreaded doing this anyway, so maybe he's right about shutting my mouth on this one.\n\nWhat do you guys think?\n\n\n*edited for formatting", "answer": "FYI One symptom of PTSD in some people is poor boundaries and wanting to tell people too much, combined with subconsciously trying to reexperience the trauma.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "26x85m", "comment_id": "26x85m"}, {"question": "Need a career, personal mental health, physical chronic pain, and relationship counselor", "description": "Is there a qualification I should look for that can address all these areas together? I don't want to comparmentalize my therapy and I really dont like pharmaceuticals at all so I'd be avoiding any medications. I'm also financially stressed right now since I lost my job and I qualified for Medicaid after losing my job so I dont want to pay out of pocket to avoid additional financial stress if at all possible. And I want a counselor who understands director-level employment as well as self-employment, not just a normal job counselor. Being that many counselors never held this level of responsibility in a job I need somebody that can truly relate and not just textbook scripted advice from somebody who hasn't been there themselves... If this type of counselor actually exists? I tried counseling a few years back for a few visits but I think the advice and medication I got set me back/made me sick rather than helped me. \n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "It truly depends on your State, your diagnoses and the severity of your mental health issues. I concur that a community mental health clinic is the place to start, as they will know what resources are available in your area.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f1gkaq", "comment_id": "f1gkaq"}, {"question": "I just want a hug. I just want someone to talk to. I just want someone who understands.", "description": "\\^", "answer": "I feel you, my friend.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dnzeoe", "comment_id": "dnzeoe"}, {"question": "Tired All The Time, Until I'm Not?", "description": "Has anyone noticed that when your disinterested in something you get just absolutely exhausted? \nAs I looked at the long list of things to accomplish today I made breakfast only to be met with a pull to just go back to bed for a few more hours. \n\nI've encountered this before. I tend to drink a cup of coffee and then not only does it help me focus but I again get more done, but I was doing some thinking about the last 10 years of my life, from 16-26, and I feel like I don't feel more tired than I used to. I get plenty of sleep but it seems like as soon as there's work to do I get exhausted but when I'm enjoying something I'm not tired anymore. This includes the times I feel super tired head to bed and all of a sudden am wide awake watching youtube and enjoying myself. \n\nI have a few theories as to why this happens. \n1) Hyper focus makes me ignore how tired I really am.\n\n2) Coffee is actually making me feel awake and focused not the work.\n\n3) ADHD is maybe hyper focusing on the only thing that is \"interesting\" which is dreaming and sleeping for me? Thoughts? \n\n\nTL;DR: I'm tired all the time it seems. Looking for ideas as to why that might be? ", "answer": "I just read an article that spoke about this. Apparently when you go from hyper focus to something boring quite quickly, it changes the chemicals in your brain to cause fatigue. They don't really know how it works though.\n\nI have only just discovered my ADHD symptoms and so much of it blows my mind. I've been struggling with what I thought was fairly transient CFS for a few years now and it turns out it's this. Absolute madness.\n\nMy mother in law said to me a while ago \"do you think your sleep is a defence mechanism?\" She was trying to nicely say that when I'm uninterested I use being tired as an excuse. Unfortunately for me it isn't an excuse, it's an all encompassing full body exhaustion that I have to deal with on top of doing something I hate. It's nice to know I at least have a sort of explanation now.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ak6tga", "comment_id": "ak6tga"}, {"question": "How can I get my therapist to take this more seriously?", "description": "I think I may have OSDD-an because I have a lot of people in my head and they take over sometimes, and we used to have a different host. But my therapist is very dismissive, when I say \u201cI\u2019m not the same host we used to have\u201d she says that all people change over time, and when I tell her about switching she says all people act different in different situations. I can see where she\u2019s coming from but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s this drastic to suddenly become an entirely different person with entirely different values. I think my experiences align with OSDD-1B the most but also if anyone could point out anything else that matches these symptoms then maybe I can bring those up instead. I just don\u2019t think living as so many different people is \u201cnormal\u201d.", "answer": "How trauma informed is this therapist?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwlu71", "comment_id": "fwlu71"}, {"question": "I feel like i should just give up", "description": "Im 16, and i really feel like just giving up on life, i hardly have any friends in school been having a crush on a girl for 2 years now that i think she thinks im a creeper loner, and feel like im missing out on all the wonders of having friends in highschool and hanging out having fun while i just go home everyday and sit on my fucking computer. I want to have friends and have fun like i see everyone else having, but i have tried and i can't fit in to their friends and i just feel im lonely in my school and everyone's staring at me all the time thinking i'm a friendless loser, i want to live with all my heart, but i have no guidance or inspiration too, with how fucked up i see my life now. I'm trying to get out of my shyness have not spoken to my parents on having no friends, feel if i go to a counceler or therapist that they wont understand my insane ways i perceive life and how it works. i can't fit every detail in this of my reasons because they would simply feel like an insane person to you. I want to be an awesome dad with a loving family with friends when i grow up but i don't have any and i feel i won't ever make good ones or get a girlfriend. I honestly just feel like i fucked up life so far and i wont stand any chance in my future succeeding", "answer": "Hey man, just because you won't get the girl you liked, especially in High school, doesn't mean that you are doomed to being single. You may feel like you're awkward or what not, but again- that doesn't mean you always will. \n\nThe human brain doesn't even finish developing until age 25-30, so teenagers often have trouble seeing that the present doesn't dictate the future. And the sucky part about the slow brain development- our emotion center fully develops long before the area for rational thought- so we are filled with strong emotions long before we have any idea how to handle them. \n\nAs far as the therapist goes- it may not seem like it, you're not the only one who is going through what you're experiencing- therapists for adolescents are quite good at helping you work through.\n\nIt may seem cliche, but life really does get a lot better after high school", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sybeh", "comment_id": "sybeh"}, {"question": "Switch from regular metformin to XR?", "description": "I was diagnosed in Nov 2016. I am slightly overweight and need to get to a healthier weight for my 5' frame. My gyno put me on metformin taking 3x a day with meal but I'm still having GI issues which I thought would even out over time. I have lost 10 pounds since diagnosis but that is also partially due to diet and activity.\nI forgot the metformin when on vacation and my GI issues got much better, haven't taken the metformin since. \nDoes anyone have experience with the XR or switching to XR due to GI issues? ", "answer": "Yeah, the extended release ones are way better on my tummy. TMI but I have soft poops now, and with fiber supplements spaced throughout the day (you're not supposed to take fiber when you take meds as it can decrease their effectiveness) I have normal poops. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "6lm0sk", "comment_id": "6lm0sk"}, {"question": "Should I [26/m] trust her [24/f] again and accept what happened, and how?", "description": "Ok, so.. my story is a mess. I'd been friends with benefits with a coworker for over a year, but then she stopped it in December (she actually never told me anything, just started to give excuses to not go out with me). I've always liked her so much but after some months I realized I loved her and asked her if she was ever going to be with me again and long story short, she said she always liked me a lot but she thought I didn\u2019t (I did a good job trying not to make us not get attached, but looks like I failed), then started seeing another guy from work who liked her, started liking him too, and short after they started \"dating\", he moved to USA (we live in Brazil), then they made plans to spend her vacation together in NYC (that's happening right now).\n\nWell, I tried everything to win her back before I knew about her trip, but when she told me everything I'd just tried to accept it because everything was paid already. But then, last week, 4 days before her flight, we went out again, and we spent those 4 days together. It was perfect and we loved it. She also told me she loved me. The day before the flight she told me she was still going to NYC, but after what happened she wouldn't do anything with him, she talked to him and he agreed it would be only a friendly relationship. But of course that didn't happen.\n\nThe day after she arrived, she told me they had sex (apparently there were friends telling her she should do it) and it was not good and she realized for good I am the one for her and that she told him that and she won't do it anymore. I believe her. But now I've got to put up with them being together as friends for another 20 days, knowing there can be a new spark at any moment.\n\nI've been trying to accept what happened, I really love her, and I believe she loves me too, and I want to have what we had in those 4 days, but it's been so hard for me to accept what she did. I know I screwed up from the beginning because I let her believe I didn't care for her and she found another. And we don't have any compromise, but after what happened last week I was misled and thought it was implicit. Now she's broken my trust. I want it to work out when she's back but I just don't know how to accept it because I'm so hurt. I'm even considering having sex with an escort just to see if somehow it makes me see sex as something more natural (and also because I'm angry and sad) and get over what they did, but I know I would regret it and feel miserable afterwards.\n\nAny advice on how to get over it? Each minute she's there fills me with pain and doubts. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ga10q", "comment_id": "6ga10q"}, {"question": "30 days pill free, can't tell anyone I know because they didn't know I was addicted to begin with.", "description": "I stared a benzo taper 4 months ago. I was on 5 mg of xanax a day for three years. I realized I was taking them just to feel 'normal' and I was embarrassed that I let myself get to that point so I didn't tell anyone, not even my own husband. He and the rest of my friends and family believed I was only taking them every once in a while. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone what was going on so I went through my taper all by myself. When I finally got down to my last .25 mg every other day I stopped completely. It has been 30 days since my last little sliver of xanax and I honestly couldn't be more proud of myself. The withdrawals were pretty bad even with a taper. This is even the first time I have ever said (or typed) the words \"I am a benzo addict\", it feels good to get it out..to someone...anyone even if it is strangers on reddit.\n\n*Edit* Though I am up with the lingering insomnia that happens when you stop benzos, I couldn't be any happier because of your kind words. I wrote this earlier as a way to simply get it off my chest and the support you guys have shown me is incredible. Thank you so much. In tears.", "answer": "So impressed and amazed by you for having accomplished this on your own without social support. I really admire your strength. I'm sorry you aren't able to celebrate with everyone in your life, but I'm glad that we can give you some hard-earned applause here! You are incredibly strong and I hope you recognise that! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "5f0jex", "comment_id": "5f0jex"}, {"question": "I cried for the first time in 11 years", "description": "I hadn't cried since I was 12 (is that weird?). No matter how depressed I get I never cry for some reason. Until a couple of days ago I got drunk on my own which is pretty normal for me and for some strange reason my hopelessness got too much and I burst into tears in front of my dog who seemed pretty confused about the whole situation. \n", "answer": "To me that is saying that you have an immense amount of unprocessed feelings. Sometimes when people get intoxicated it allows unprocessed feelings to \"bubble\" up and be processed (the crying). It is not weird that you haven't cried since you were 12. I'm guessing a lot was happening at that time or before and your brain shoves the feelings down deep to keep them form being processed. I think, this is a good thing that you cried. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jhs3e", "comment_id": "3jhs3e"}, {"question": "What if I don't have adhd (potentially) and i'm just lazy and worthless?", "description": "I am a scattered brain person. I can't organise at all. I've used so many calendar and schedule apps...I've printed off timetables and have written them, I've bought homework diaries yet after two days these things drift to the back of my mind and i'm disorganised as ever. I'm consistently trying to form study habits every two months, yet I relapse.\n\nI end up doing tasks by gut feeling...Like, Oh i remember i have to do this, so i'll do it now, yet I forget important dates, like an essay due in two weeks or a project or a class exam date.\n\nI do this with studying..I just end up studying whatever I feel like. Planning it doesn't help because I soon forget my plan or something distracts me (ie getting stuck on a question) and the plan the rest of the day goes to waste.\n\nWhen I'm with people, or my friends, I become really insecure and feel stupid because my mind is full of goop; I blurt out random things, that make people frown and go quiet and it feels like everyone thinks differently from me. I end up trying to not speak at all and I try to aoid speaking to those I percieve as smart.\n\nTo maintain a normal day, where I don't embarass myself, I have to expend a tonne of energy.\n\nI've tried to tell my mum how I feel. But she told me that I am lazy and stupid. If I try to express how I feel, she immediately stops me and tries to give me solutions; just study harder, go get your teacher to tutor you for free.\n\nI do not dare to even bring up the topic of mental health with her, as she shuns it. It really hurts me because she says I am worthless and says things like 'you're just like your dad' (a cruel person I haven't seen for 13 years).\n\n I'm waging a war within me. aDHD is so abstract in terms of diagnosing. I want to find out by seeking a doctor but then again, i'm not sure whether I'm focusing on this too much and making excuses. Like what if I am just what I am? \n\nI am extremely scared to go see a doctor by myself as a teen and want to put this off because of uncertainty.\n \nany insight or advice could be very helpful. Thank you!", "answer": "I would consider the environmental factors that are correlated with ADHD as well. Consider abuse and trauma or, more generally, living in a highly chaotic/unstructured environment. Seeking help for ADHD is more than just a medicinal remedy. Effective treatment consists of medicine and psychotherapy. In my opinion, people often overlook these systemic issues when considering treatment.\n\nIf your mother tells you you are worthless, you will internalize these messages and consequently not make healthy choices in life. If you feel lazy, it is because your family sent you these messages, covertly or overtly. Effective Treatment for ADHD also includes building an awareness of those around you and your cognitive and emotional response to that. \n\n\nYour mother's words are abusive and you believe them. You deserve treatment. You deserve to better understand yourself and others. You deserve a better life...no matter what your parents tell you!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4f28dh", "comment_id": "4f28dh"}, {"question": "Ladies of r/pcos, I need help developing a skin routine...", "description": "I recently turned 30 and I'm determined to take better care of my skin. I'm a minority it doesn't age as fast (comparatively speaking), but I'd like to keep it as healthy and blemish-free as possible. Right now to take care of my skin I drink water, get at least 7 hours of sleep a day, don't smoke cigarettes, and wash my face daily-if you could even call that a routine, lol. My acne has never been severe, despite PCOS, but I do have a few scars from it. My skin would be classified as dry. \n\nFor the sake of consistency, I would like to buy all of my products from the same brand/line. My specifications are: 1. suited to dry skin, 2. not tested on animals (I absolutely cannot compromise on this), and 3. affordable (I work in a gov't job so I can't splurge). I'm looking for something that's anti-aging, reduces blemishes, and brightens skin. \n\nWhat would you ladies recommend? Also, is it just an urban legend that drinking spearmint tea clears up your skin?", "answer": "I swear by Naturopathica. May not meet affordability criteria but the products last so you can make the case for it even financially. Yes, my face wash is like $50 but it lasts six months. Ingredients are natural, many organic, and I THINK cruelty free. \n\nI use the Oat Cleansing Facial Polish in the AM and follow with Calendula moisturizer. PM, I switch between Aloe Cleansing Gel and Sweet Lupine Makeup Remover Cleansing Cream, and follow with Calendula moisturizer again. I\u2019ve been experimenting with serum samples under the Calendula cream at night to good effect too. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7w7pv0", "comment_id": "7w7pv0"}, {"question": "How do you keep conversations going ?", "description": "I don't know how to talk to people. I know how to. But people seem to get into a flow state when they talk. This never happens when I am in the conversation. I am not sure why this happens. \n\nEven when I talk to people who are friends. I don't have a lot of topics to talk about. People care about a lot of things. I don't care about any of them. \nI have a few narrow topics that I find interesting. But when I talk about them, it doesn't go into that flow state, I see when others talk. They way I talk is too formal and specific I think. This does not lead to \"fun\" conversations. \n\nAlso expressing myself is difficult. I can do it okay when I write or type. But when I talk, I have to look away from people's eye to be able to form complex sentences. Talking is just a lot of effort. And even when I put in the effort, it does not go into the flow state that others seem to enter into. My conversations have a lot of pauses and usually the topics I talk about are serious in nature. \n\nAnyone here who has dealt with these issues ? Where you able to find any solutions ? I am 22/M. I don't have an official aspergers diagnosis. \nThank you. ", "answer": "I feel like someone should write a book on this if the haven\u2019t. It sounds dumb but, a lot of things I have learned came from business and marketing training. There are formulas you can follow; then it just takes practice to develop a natural gate in conversation. \n\nIf you are trying to keep conversation going, you can try to take on the part of an interviewer trying to learn about the other person.\n\nOne example is for speaking to someone new (adult): family, occupation, recreation\n\nDo you have brothers or sisters?\nDo they live near you?\nWhat do they do?\n\nWhat do you do?\nDo you like it?\n\nWhat do you do for fun?\nHave you ever______?\n\nHelps to mostly listen and provide self-disclosure sparingly, unless they ask.\n\n", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "86zbun", "comment_id": "86zbun"}, {"question": "Offering to take other /stopdrinking redditors to a meeting?", "description": "I know that /stopdrinking is not about AA. \n\nI will be 10 years sober later this month and I am one of the people that was ADAMANTLY against going to AA. Once I got humble enough, I did, and it was what got me help.\n\nIt isn't for anyone, I know.\n\nBut for a lot of people (me included) the problem is not having someone to go to that first meeting with you or not know how to find a meeting or what to do. It's intimidating and humiliating for many.\n\nI read posts here and think, \"if they were local I would take them to my homegroup.\" \n\nIs this kind of thing possible? Is there another subreddit where people can help others who are local? Of course there are safety concerns, etc, but we all just have to be careful.\n\nJust a thought, thanks all.", "answer": "Anyone in Durham or Chapel Hill NC that wants to go shoot me a message.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2a09vo", "comment_id": "2a09vo"}, {"question": "It is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "I am not an ass. I don't go around insulting people. I am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. I am not naturally charming, sometimes I say something that people laugh at.\n\nI am not shy.\n\nI am a mix of alpha and beta. Maybe I am just unlucky, maybe I just give off bad vibes.\n\nIt's so weird. *shrugs*\n", "answer": "How much do you like other people. Generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "1zvc5p"}, {"question": "Anyone with PCOS have oily hair scalp?", "description": "Tried all the drugstore shampoos. Literally almost every one of them. Tried too many shampoos until my hair is dry and lifeless. Today I shampoo my hair and in the second day of my hair wash, my hair scalp gets itchy and buildup of oil and dirt. Can someone recommend some good shampoos that wont break the bank but also helps the scalp less oily?", "answer": "I just use dry shampoo on second day hair and there is no third day hair without a hat or something. LPT, 3 parts baby powder to 1 part baking soda is a decent dry shampoo. I keep some with all my hair products in the bathroom in a jar with an old fluffy make up brush in it. I give it a little swirl, tap off the excess and apply to my scalp. I do a really thorough scalp massage to distribute is well and it also builds a ton on volume. Also, yes I know it's ghetto, and the cans objectively do a better job but with the amount I use this makes sense.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "c3tu5b", "comment_id": "c3tu5b"}, {"question": "NSFW", "description": "My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) have been together since hs. We have only sexually been with each other. We have talked about having a 3-some or 4-some just to try it. I like both men and women. He likes just women but is fine with he and another guy having sex with me. Can anyone share experiences with having 3somes/4somes while in a serious relationship and how it effected your relationship? I'm interested in doing it. I have serious jealousy and self esteem issues so it makes me a little nervous. Just scared that he will like whomever we bring into the bedroom more than me...\nAdvice? Opinions? Experiences? Lol\n\ntl;dr : need to know how threesomes and foursomes effect serious committed relationships", "answer": "always risky to bring others into a rel. asking for problems.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pm0dt", "comment_id": "5pm0dt"}, {"question": "How accurate are most diagnoses?", "description": "I was in a behavioral hospital for about 2 weeks. I met with the psychiatrist maybe 4 or 5 times for no more than 10 minutes at a time. Can I trust his diagnosis? Or would I need to go thru actual testing somewhere else? I've never been tested in any way, but have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life. I feel like I've kind of been swept under the rug and maybe misdiagnosed for 2 years now.", "answer": "It depends on a lot of things. The two most important factors when it comes to how accurate a diagnosis is are the following:\n\n1. How skillful in regards to diagnosis is the clinician offering the diagnosis.\n2. How open/honest/truthful the client is answering questions regarding their personal history and symptoms. \n\nIf the client is not truthful or withholds information, or even just forgets a good deal of information that is important regarding history, it's nearly impossible for a clinician to give an accurate diagnosis no matter how skilled they are. More often than not, we're taking clients at their word and aren't trying to figure out if they're not being honest with us. \n\n\nWith the exception of getting pre-authorization for certain medications, in the grand scheme of things, diagnoses are not that important as psychiatrists and therapists are rarely if ever using a certain special treatment specifically for a certain diagnosis. We're treating the individual person and their individual symptoms. \n\n\nNow if for some reason, having an accurate diagnosis is very important to you, it may be worth discussing this with a therapist who is skilled in diagnosis (and cares about diagnosis) and having them take several sessions to question you, rule out some diagnoses, and see which diagnosis seems to fit best.\n\n\nAt the end of the day, many folks go through therapy, get psychiatry, etc. and never even find out what their diagnosis is. They still make progress towards their goals and can improve their functioning. \n\nJust one example I can give. On the side of my full time job, I run a private practice using therapeutic role playing games to help kids with mental health issues. Since I don't take insurance, I don't even bother diagnosing the children. Now, I certainly could and if I ever take insurance in the future I'd have to in order for them to be able to use their insurance. For now, I don't even bother because it really doesn't matter or impact how I'm going to help them work towards their goals.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo0g0s", "comment_id": "eo0g0s"}, {"question": "Why can't I remember faces?", "description": "Almost 19, Female, 5'7\", 160 lbs, White, mental\n\nHi so this has been happening for the past few years. I can't remember what people look like unless I really concentrate and even then it's never the full face at once unless I've seen an image of them then I can kind of recall the image. Even the people I've seen my whole life like my parents and sibling I can't think of what they look like naturally only pictures. I feel pretty confident that I could describe what they look like to a sketch artist. I know what they look like but I just can't see them. This doesn't include pets. Animals I can see their faces clearly.\n\nI don't know if this is relevant but I'm going to include it: \n\nI don't see faces in my dreams either. I never see what anyone looks like above their shoulder even people I'm taller than. I just know who they are. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just recently realized this wasn't a normal occurrence after I heard of this disease thing that doesn't allow you to remember faces but have to learn who people are by different features. I don't know if I have this because if I see someone's face I immediately know who they are I just can't draw up a full image of them in my mind.\n\nWhy is this happening and is there a way to fix it?", "answer": "There's a term for this: [prosopagnosia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia) or face-blindness. It's not really treatable, but it's also something that is not necessarily a huge problem in life. If it started suddenly, or developed over a period of time, it might be concerning as some neurological disease, but most cases just seem to be a quirk of how an individual's brain develops.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b0pj2z", "comment_id": "b0pj2z"}, {"question": "I feel so unappreciated.", "description": "I feel overly under appreciated. Not only by my family, my boss, or friends, but also by life. I do everything I can to make everyone happy. I go out of my way to be there for people. Change my schedule to accommodate everyone and yet I when I need someone or something no one is ever available. My two friends don't even answer texts but as soon as they are feeling down or they need a favor the texts never stop coming. I have a great boyfriend who is there to listen but I'm sure he gets sick of my constant complaining. It's always over the same shit. I feel like I work too much to have the little bit i have. Wish I could have more. I don't understand how people who say they have no money are out vacationing and buying themselves nice things when I work equally as hard and cannot afford any of that. I don't feel like life owes me anything but MAN! is it discouraging to be stuck. I wish there was a way to just drop everything and move away but everything has to center on money and i dont have any right now to get away! Thanks for reading, I really needed this! ", "answer": "\"Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264r9d", "comment_id": "264r9d"}, {"question": "Is it normal for an obese person exercising to experience chest pain or is something wrong with me?", "description": "24, male, 6'3, 405 pounds, and white. I went for a walk today and decided to some light jogging for at least 2 minutes. After I did this though I was out of breath in pain in my chest and top of my head. It has subsided since then but I am worried if there is something wrong with me or is this normal and expected for an obese person exercising", "answer": "No chest pain is normal. Youve basically given yourself an exercise tolerance test, and failed.\n\nGo see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fydhn", "comment_id": "5fydhn"}, {"question": "[41F] Altruistic kidney donor, \"6-month\" lab results off the charts (details in the text)", "description": "6 month check-up is about 2 months late due to covid. Transplant coordinator set up the labs and then said she'd call me to schedule my in-person checkup when she returned from vacation on 6/22. Lab work as follows:\n\nAlbumin, random urine w/creatinine: 13 (desired result 20-275)\n\nCreatinine: 1.2 (desired result 0.50-1.10)\n\neGFR: 56 (non African-American)\n\nUrine protein, total, random w/o creatinine: <4 (desired result 5-24)\n\nThat's everything. \n\nQuestion: since my transplant coordinator is on vacation until 6/22, no one will actually see these results until then. Should I be doing any of the following: Panicking? Calling the transplant coordinator's office to see if someone else can look at my labs? Calling my primary doc to let her know something is up (My primary and the donor center are not in the same hospital system and she won't get the results automatically)? \n\nAlso, (sort of related, sort of not): I work in local public health and have worked 96 of the last 98 days due to COVID-19. My stress level is through the roof, when generally I'm a \"laid back suzy sunshine\" (in my coworkers' words), and I don't see this getting better any time soon. Could these results be related to stress, either directly or indirectly?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Low urine protein and low urine albumin (a specific protein) are good things. I'm not sure why the lab shows a lower end cutoff where it's a problem.\n\nSlightly elevated creatinine and decreased GFR are normal after kidney donation, and yours are not highly concerning. You gave up half your kidney function, and while the remaining kidney works harder to compensate, you still have numbers that look \"bad\" because they're normalized to two-kidney people to detect problems. Because you're stressed, I suggest you call the coordinator's office so you're not sitting and worrying about this, but these numbers as a one-time value don't alarm me.\n\nThe only caveat is that it depends a little bit on your previous numbers, which is why calling the transplant center will clarify.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "h7isap", "comment_id": "h7isap"}, {"question": "Patient program options?", "description": "I have been in in-patient programs at both public and private facilities. This is not something I would like to do again (due to personal reasons, and the fact that it has not been effective for me). \n\nHowever, I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a community in-patient program? \n\nAlthough expensive, it seems like a better option than laying at home wishing for death. I take medication daily, see a psychologist and psychiatrist regularly, and do my best to engage in life (when I can get out of bed).\n\nIf anyone has ever done something like this before, could you please share your personal experience? \n\nThanks", "answer": "Look into intensive outpatient programs (IOPs). They meet several times a week for therapy, but you get to go home at the end of the day. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "115j17", "comment_id": "115j17"}, {"question": "drinking dreams months 1-6... zero. Drinking dreams during month 7, at least three so far.", "description": "So weird. I don't view them as a threat or anything. When I am drinking in the dream, its always a very negative feeling...there's nothing glamorous or fun about it. \n\nI wake up and feel relieved that it wasn't real, and it reinforces the fact that I don't want to drink alcohol.\n\nIts very strange that all of the sudden these have become semi regular.\n\nKeep on fighting the good fight peeps!", "answer": "I wondered if I was weird for not having had these yet. Good to know I should still be prepared. :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zrf7f", "comment_id": "5zrf7f"}, {"question": "Dealing with one sided conversations?", "description": "So I can meet new people (sometimes) but in that getting to know you stage they dont ask much about me, so Im the one asking all the questions. It makes it seem like Im trying to hard to keep the conversation going because I have to find ways to change the topic to something that might interest them with very little info to go on. Its never back and forth banter, just me asking them a question, them responding, and then another question. At times it feels like they arnt fully interested or maybe they just dont know how to go along with the conversation them self.\n\nDoes that make sense? Am I being paranoid? Trying to hard? Are they just not interested?", "answer": "Hey! Conversation, like any other skill, can be practiced and learned. So just do some practice :) [This guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is a good place to start.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13v438", "comment_id": "13v438"}, {"question": "My crazy neighbor", "description": "My neighbors are constantly loud and are giving possible death threats to each other and I constantly playing loud music so we can\u2019t hear their conversations but it\u2019s been going for about two weeks and I\u2019m worried about the outcome will lead to my worst nightmare I need to know what to do in this situation", "answer": "If you suspect domestic violence call the police. You can ask the police to keep you anonymous (but they will want info to support the call). If you are worried someone is going to be seriously hurt make the call. If there are children in the home definitely call the police and tell them that too. That\u2019s not ok. I had to do this years ago to some neighbors (things breaking, yelling, and kid in the house with them).", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fv31g2", "comment_id": "fv31g2"}, {"question": "I'm a [20/M] and I'm confused about my [22/f] recent fling deciding to leave me for 2 reasons.", "description": "Basically I have been getting close and hooking up/ having sex with this amazing beautiful girl. I would never expect her to be into me. We were family friends for years yet her and I never bonded because of our 2 year grade gap (but we are only 1 year apart in age). However, at a recent family event, we became really close and had some of the best sex of my life. For both of us it felt very passionite, not like i was just f**king her. We really started to like each other, which is rare for me because I usually never catch feelings, I just have my fun with girls and that's about it. But this time it was different.\nSo after having a lot of great conversation, good company, and great sex, all of a sudden she drops this on me. She apparently really likes me, yet she isn't able to continue having a \"relationship\" with me because shes worried about her life changing too quickly. Things such as her new job, how she's getting a new apartment, and thats it. Well, thats all she told me.\nI understand those 2 things are pretty big steps in our lives, but I don't understand why she would want to end something going so well for those (2) reasons. My mind tells me to trust her and that it is because she really is worried about the stress of moving and how she isn't ready for a relationship, but my gut tells me it's more than that. Wouldn't these stressful times only benefit her to have a BF? I would be there for her completely, whether it's helping her move her furniture, advice for her new job, anything. I would literally do anything to save this relationship but it seems she isn't really fighting for it. All my guy friends say I should just try and keep her as \"good friends\" so I can continue hooking up with her, but I want more than that and I don't see her as an object. She even said that once she's all settled in and has her life straight (she said 3 months) that we could see how things are for us and see from then. But that sounds fishy.\nI don't know what to do. Should I let it be? Should I fight for her? I'm seeing her tonight to talk things over in person and I have no idea what to say. I want to be with this girl and make her as happy as can be, along with boosting my self confidence from her company. Help me out please.\n\ntldr: Girl who has been into me and wanting a relationship decided to be \"just friends\" with me because she is at a weird stage of her life due to her getting a new job and because she's moving. Should I give her space and wait, or fight for our relationship? How do I show her I'm worth it? She tells me how much she likes me often so she must know it too.", "answer": "always best to give people space. check in every now and then...gently.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mafwm", "comment_id": "5mafwm"}, {"question": "Scared to talk to the doctor about mental health", "description": "Hi, I'm sorry im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i figured id ask anyway incase a doctor here can put my mind at ease about talking to my GP about this. Sorry that its long.\n\nSome basic info that might be relevant - I am 25f, quite overweight (have been most of my life but put on more weight in the last 3 years since this started to get worse). My family on my mums side has quite a lot of mental health issues. I dont know much about my dads side. I went through quite a traumatic time 5-6 years ago that i feel really kicked my issues off. I have had a lifelong phobia of vomiting, but this has gotten a lot worse since i had my daughter 3 years ago.\n\nI am almost certain i have some kind of anxiety disorder and possibly OCD tendencies as well. I have mentioned to a doctor breifly how i feel and i was immediately offered antidepressants without any discussion of my actual symptoms or what could actually be wrong with me. I declined it at that time.\n\nI am not unwilling to take medication at all but i would prefer to actually know why i am taking the medication, i would like to understand why i feel the way i feel. I think the doctor assumed PND bcause i had a child a year earlier but i feel there is so much more to it than that. I am in the UK and im unsure of who i need to ask to be referred to in order to find out. \n\nI will bullet point a few of the symptoms ive noticed.\n\n\u2022 Feelings of wortlessness and uselessness\n\u2022 Trouble sleeping\n\u2022 Mind constantly jumping from one thought to the next\n\u2022 Unable to stay focused on one activity for long\n\u2022 Uncertainty \n\u2022 No motivation - demotivaed all the time\n\u2022 No energy\n\u2022 Panic attacks \n\u2022 fear i have an undiagnosed illness, constantly convince myself i have something seriously wrong, will begin to imagine symptoms i know fit the disease im worried about. \n\u2022 im convinced i will die young, and i get scared because i know if i dont die young i will just get more and more worried about ilnesses that increase in probability with age\n\u2022 i do not use public transport for many reasons, mostly germs\n\u2022 i avoid family members who have vomited or had diarrhoea for at last 2 weeks because i refuse to risk catching it\n\nI could honestly go on but those are all the biggest ones. Reading all of this i know i obviously have something wrong with me. But because some days i feel fine, completely 'normal' or even happy i have a (hopefully irrational) fear that theres actually nothing wrong with me and that the doctorwill just laugh me put of the room. Im also worried nobody will believe me or will think im exaggerating because everyone my age seems to want some 'quirky' diagnosis and i dont want people to think im attention seeking. Basically i feel scared and almost guilty when i talk about my mental health as if i can feel people thinking im a liar and then feel a rush of anxiety that maybe i am lying to myself.\n\nIm also realy worried ill be told theres nothing actually wrong with me and that im just a weak or broken person, or that this is just what life is and to suck it up. \n\nI know this all probably made no sense but i am just so all over the place and dont know what to think.", "answer": "This clearly is bothering you, and you had an interaction with your doctor that didn't help. You should not have to feel more ashamed looking into mental health than you would asking about a rash or other physical finding. The difficulty is that many physicians are also not comfortable with or well trained in mental health.\n\nIf you're looking for \"what\" and \"why\" and \"what do I do about it?\" that's psychiatry, and if there is something treatable it could be with medication, therapy, or both. The ideal is someone who can offer both, but that's often psychiatrists who don't take insurance, so expensive. You could start by making an appointment with a psychiatrist (often a long wait, and then maybe just a referral to therapy) or a therapist (who probably can't prescribe medications if indicated).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hnivwv", "comment_id": "hnivwv"}, {"question": "update to previous post My wife had a one nite stand on a cruise while we were dating.", "description": "I long suspected something happend while on the\ncruise with Girl friends and she always denied it.\nShe said it happened after drinking and it was\nspur of the moment and instantly regretted it.\nHowever I found a photo album from the cruise\nwith at lease 6 pictures of her with him..drapped\nall over him... and it was obvious that the pictures\nwere at different times(different clothes on etc).\nShe also at the behest of her girlfriend called him\ntwice after the cruise but basically didn't say\nanything to him\nI found out this about 6 months ago and its still bothers me\nUPDATE now she is telling me that she hung out /flirted with him went back to his cabin and he basically date raped her I do not know what to think and cant understand keeping the pics etc if this is true", "answer": "It's hard to imagine her keeping the pics if that was true. Also, she lied, and if you were dating in a committed monogamous way, she cheated on you. How long ago was this cruise?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qd4", "comment_id": "6o9qd4"}, {"question": "Getting back with an ex - can we ever change our patterns?", "description": "I do not currently have a therapist whose advice I trust, and I don't know anyone in a healthy marriage or relationship that I would want to replicate. \n\nI broke up with my fiance 3 years ago. We had lived together for 2 years, and been together for 4. We had a lot of problems that, I think, stemmed from our inability to communicate clearly and honestly, and (on his part) to receive that communication without feeling attacked and to consider my feelings to be as valid as his own. We went to 2 different therapists, neither of which we found helpful. For 18 months after we broke up, we did not have any contact. One day he texted me, and we talked off and on for about a year. We were doing a pretty good job of being friends. Then, in July of last year, I felt like I had some unresolved feelings. We talked, but decided not to get back together. We fell into a pattern of texting each other most of every day, and I felt my feelings becoming stronger. We saw each other at the beginning of this year and I felt very strongly for him. We talked about the way we still felt about each other and why we hadn't been able to make it work. We decided we would keep talking and see if we could resolve our issues. \n\nHe has told me he is willing to give in some areas that I cannot compromise on, and so far I have felt heard and validated and like he is truly working to meet my needs. For my part, I am trying to be understanding, open minded, and flexible.\n\nTonight we had a very difficult discussion, and I am very concerned that we just don't communicate or think the same way, and that this might be an unresolvable issue. I feel like we are not clearly receiving the communication the other one says they are trying to send, and are instead getting other signals that were not intended. I also feel that he is not giving me direct answers to questions that I think only need a yes or no, but is instead splitting hairs and reframing the issue so that he doesn't have to give a direct answer. We are both frustrated right now, and I'm afraid to get any more involved if I could potentially end up as hurt as I did before. \n\nThere are obviously many more details I could go into if asked, or on a DM. Essentially, I am wondering how hard one should have to fight for a relationship. I have heard many varying opinions from many sources, but, as I said, I do not have someone objective I can trust or someone in a healthy relationship I can emulate. I have heard that all couples have problems and dysfunctions that cannot be resolved, but I don't know what is an acceptable level of dysfunction. I have heard that you should never try to get back together with an ex, but after 3 years, with both of us having seemingly reflected on what we did wrong and what we could do better, is this a hard and fast rule? I know every relationship is different, and no one can truly tell me what to do, but I would appreciate any clarity or guidance or similar experiences.\n\nFor context, because of various circumstances, my likelihood of finding another partner is much lower than the average person. So this is less a question of, can I find someone more compatible?, and more of, am I better off alone? \n\nThank you for any guidance you can provide.", "answer": "There's no one answer that's going to work for everyone in this type of situation. \n\n\nHere's a couple of things to consider. Relationships should not feel like really hard work in the very beginning. If they do, that's a HUGE red flag. All relationships take work to maintain and have them be healthy, but there's generally a honeymoon period in the beginning where it doesn't feel like this. \n\nI'd argue that it should even be the case upon reconnecting 3 years later. \n\n\nOngoing relationships/marriage is hard work in order to maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals are happy and not resentful towards the other, but if the work and stress often outweighs the positives that you're getting or that this is the case for too long, it's not worth it in the long run.\n\n\nCan you find someone more compatible? Of course you can. There's billions of people in the world. You can always find someone more compatible. Are you better off alone? Well... see the other question I asked. Does the stress of this relationship outweigh the joy you get from it? Then... yes... you're probably better off alone right now. \n\n\nLastly, you said you both reflected over the last 3 years of what went wrong. Have either of you done any extensive individual therapy? You said it was so bad that you tried two couple's therapists. If the both of you haven't done extensive work individually, it isn't very likely that much will have changed from the way things were before.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ez4yyc", "comment_id": "ez4yyc"}, {"question": "Porn Anxiety", "description": "I'm in a really serious relationship with my boyfriend and I know he loves me and cares for me immensely. I have a serious problem with his porn watching habits. It's all very private for him. He doesn't mention it or bring it up much but I have been through his computer (with his permission) and I know it's there and I know he continues to watch it. \n\nHe knows how I feel about it. I find it unreasonable to ask him to stop. How do I get over these feelings of discomfort? ", "answer": "I just came here to say that I sympathize. Before I met my husband, I was very blase' about porn and had watched it myself. But for some reason, when I find porn on his computer, it infuriates me. I know that's not logical, and I know that I live in this modernized liberal culture where I should be 'over it,' and I know it's a bit hypocritical, considering I watched it before I met him. But the truth of it is, it has hurt me in a way that I would have never expected. I haven't quite figured out why, as I am pretty secure in my body/womanhood/etc, but it genuinely upsets me.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dcrus", "comment_id": "dcrus"}, {"question": "[20/M] Don't know if it's smart to date my best friend", "description": "\nSo this is going to be a long one and I hope somebody reads, but I really just need to type it out. I'm [21/m] and I've been really really good friends with this girl whom is [21/f] since we were about 9 years old, but on New Years Eve things kind of changed a little.\n\nJust a bit of a backstory first. We've been basically inseparable since we were 9 with the exception of 9th and 10th grade for reasons that aren't really relevant. Our friendship was always a little abnormal in the sense that we've both been clearly attracted to each other basically since we hit puberty, but we had never so much as hugged for one reason or another. It's always been a sort of elephant in the room for years. We've been telling each other that we love each other for years and not because we thought it was what you were supposed to do, but I really do love her and i really believe she loves me, no matter what happens romantically. We've just been through an awful lot together and we've always been each others person to lean on. Even though it's gone unsaid, I really think that we've both always been afraid to jeopardize the friendship that we have because it really is something rare and we both know it.\n\nFast forward, to now, and I'm working full time in construction in MA while she's studying psychology in AZ. She comes home about one weekend a month for a clinical study that she is a part of so that's about as often as we get to hang out apart from holidays and such. New Years Eve is when things really changed. I was spending the weekend in ME with her and her family which isn't all that uncommon. We were at a party with her friends from Maine and she was the only one I knew so I was talking to her a lot because i tend to get a little anxious and there were quite a few adult beverages involved. So basically, we ended up making out a lot and some pretty emotional things were said. We ended up sleeping in the same bed together, but we really only slept.\n\nFast forward to now. We talked about what happened that night and agreed that it definitely meant something to both of us. The thing is that neither of us know how exactly we feel about long distance. I've had people tell me how hard long distance relationships are because of how much you miss your SO when they're gone, but to be honest, I already miss her all the time when she's gone and we're not even in an established BF/GF relationship. I'm torn because if we both decide to move forward with this relationship then there's a chance that we could both get hurt, but just being friends with her might hurt just as bad. It doesn't feel right to suppress feelings for any reason.\n\nTL;DR Want to start a long distance relationship with girl I've been friends with since we were 9. Don't know if it's a smart decision.", "answer": "if there are feelings, why not?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptvap", "comment_id": "5ptvap"}, {"question": "Does anyone want to be friends?", "description": "Or like, support each other, just talk, something? I'm a 20yo female and for the life of me cannot make good connections in person. If anyone wants to become friends, needs to vent for a minute, anything at all, feel free to PM me, I'd love to talk. ", "answer": "I sent a few private messages to people on here and made a connection with one person. I think it's been helpful! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6kwqm8", "comment_id": "6kwqm8"}, {"question": "How does being on meds make you feel?", "description": "I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and have started medication. I'm the only person I know with ADHD and it's kinda hard not having someone around who gets it. My friends are happy to listen to me talk about what's going on but it's all pretty foreign to them.\n\nI have one friend who took methylphenidate at uni as a study aid but stopped after a few days because it was making her feel too amped up and reactive to outside stimuli, like she was having too many thoughts at once. When I take my meds, though, I feel calm and quiet and focused. It's like someone's turned down the brightness and volume on the world. My thoughts form an orderly queue instead of all jumping and yelling for my attention at once and I can take my time dealing with them.\n\nI'm actually finding it a bit unnerving, though, like being underwater or in a dream. I don't feel like myself and it's triggering some anxiety.\n\nOne thing I'd really like to hear about is how does being on medication *feel* for you? I know the theory behind meds but I'm curious about the subjective experience. What changes when you take your meds? What stays the same? Anything unpleasant you have to deal with, and what benefits do you see?\n\nThanks to anyone who responds :) This sub is awesome and it's been really affirming knowing I'm not alone while I go through this.", "answer": "One of the big things that Vyvanse helps me with is regulating my emotions. Off my meds, I feel much more emotionally reactive and can swing from one end of the spectrum to another. Plus, I can get to feeling hyperactive, which can be a struggle for my wife to understand and deal with. \n\nOn my meds, my emotions and thoughts seem much more orderly and normal. I don\u2019t swing from highs to lows and back as much and everything\u2019s not as intense. The world just makes a lot more sense to me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b81c2f", "comment_id": "b81c2f"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. How are you doing ? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "[22/m] Broke up with girlfriend (20/f) one week into a three month trip through Asia", "description": "We had been together for two years, shared an apartment for a year, attend the same university, and travel often together. She has a history of abuse and mental illness that she has never fully explained. I am free of mental illness, but stupid. \n\nWe'd discussed no longer living together when our lease was up, but never breaking up, except during certain particularly bad fights which I think were because of her depression. We spent nearly every day of the last two years together, to the point where we often said the same thing and ordered the same items at restaurants. \n\nShe woke up 4 days ago, a few days into a summer-long trip to Nepal and Thailand and told me she felt being together was what made her so unhappy, and that she wanted to end it. We tried staying together for the day as friends, but ended up getting in a physical fight where she hit me again and again in the face, telling me to hit her. Eventually I did. This has never happened before. \n\nShe left the next morning - we didn't speak again. I haven't seen or spoken to her since then. I have never hit anyone before. Her mother tells me she has a fractured rib. I am only coping with the help of some lorazepam a doctor here was kind enough to give me. \n\nHow do I recover from this? I want to die. Whenever the pills wear off I stop being able to function. I am alone in Nepal and I can't stop thinking about what I did. ", "answer": "Go home. Get help. Never have sex with her again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f15l2", "comment_id": "6f15l2"}, {"question": "I am on the verge of a complete fucking breakdown someone help me", "description": "I don\u2019t even know where the hell to start. I started feeling depressed in November and I was like ok cool this happens all the time we\u2019ll get through this. So I fought it. It got a little better. Then it decided to sneak up on me and dump all this pain and fear and anxiety all at once. I\u2019ve been dealing with a painful ovarian cyst for three weeks,flu like symptoms that won\u2019t go away, so those are adding stress. Then comes the fucking holiday stress. I have NO money left. I\u2019m completely broke. And I still have my parents and one of my nieces to buy for. And on top of that, I feel guilty, because it\u2019s Christmas and I should be happy and I\u2019m not and I hate it! I\u2019ve been seeing things too, little shadow figures, some of them small to the ground like a cat, some tall like a person. I just see glimpses of them, running away, or darting around the corner, and I can feel them looking at me. My brain says they\u2019re demons. I know they\u2019re not real but fuck they\u2019re scary. And then I get these weird things at night, not like a panic attack, but it\u2019s like this crushing terror falls over me and I\u2019m to scared to move or open my eyes and I just have to lay there until it\u2019s gone. I keep telling myself I need to get through Christmas then I\u2019ll feel better, but that\u2019s not true, because on January 5th I turn 24. Happy birthday, right? NO! That day marks the end of a wasted year and the start of one that probably won\u2019t go anywhere. I\u2019m 24, unemployed, living off social services to pay for the meds that are supposed to keep me sane, and living in my parents basement. I\u2019m worthless. A worthless human being and I want to fucking die. ", "answer": "You are NOT worthless. You have been trudging through some difficult physical and emotional pain and that is badass, even if you feel still stuck in it. There will be more Christmases, its okay that this year you can't afford presents for everyone. They probably don't love you for your christmas gifts, they love you for you. \n\n24 can be a great year for you. 23 wasn't a wasted year. You're pain through the year is serving you a purpose which is teaching you to be able to overcome it, as crazy as that sounds. You are at a pause in your life, so living in your parent's place is where you need to be to take that pause and figure out whats next. There is nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want and need in your life. \n\nIt sounds like whatever medication you are on is not helping with all of your symptoms. It might be a good idea to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, ideally who can work together to help you work through this stuff. \n\nKeep your head up :) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7iugk", "comment_id": "a7iugk"}, {"question": "Body language and behavior in therapy only", "description": "I was asked to crosspost this a few places:\n\nI literally cower in therapy and I don\u2019t know why it induces such a visibly uncomfortable anxiety response. It\u2019s as if I\u2019m trying to hide from him\u2014I cover my face, turn my head away and hide it in my hands, pull my legs over my chest, and sometimes attempt to curl up. I\u2019m also pulling on my fingers a lot and wringing them around and playing with things constantly. My voice is also quieter and shaky. I guess maybe this is \u201cregression.\u201d\n\nI don\u2019t know why I do this. I find this really embarrassing because it makes me feel insane and like a child and like I can\u2019t have a professional adult relationship with this person. But at the same time it seems counterproductive to suppress it, as for whatever reason this submissive behavior is coming naturally to me and I shouldn\u2019t have to pretend or wear a mask in therapy. \n\nDoes anyone else leave therapy embarrassed by their body language and general way of interacting because it\u2019s not how you would interact with anyone else? I\u2019ve been wondering if it\u2019s because my therapist is male (like my abusers) or if it\u2019s just because my body feels like this is the place we will talk about my \u201ctrauma\u201d and is anticipating it.\n\nAlso: Therapists, I\u2019d love if you\u2019d also weigh in: what do you think is going on with a client if they act this way in session?", "answer": "You're protecting your body from ingress verbally, visually and perceptively. Maybe. Also I'd screen for bodily assault in your history. \n\nI've had clients do this for weeks. It's so awesome to see them come back each week because I know how hard it must be for them just to show up. \n\nYou're a fountain of courage and must want this shit bad. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "94gh2q", "comment_id": "94gh2q"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure I've had depression for the past five years, quick questions about seeking treatment:", "description": "I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place; it seemed like /r/depressoin and/r/mentalhealth were neck and neck for this post.\n\nI know self diagnosis is generally a bad idea, but assuming I have depression, I have a few questions. First, I'm on my mother's insurance, and she's a teacher, meaning we get state insurance (We're in the USA). I know I'll probably have to ask, but do most government employee insurance providers cover therapy and medication for mental problems? And, where do I start? I imagine a doctor has to write the prescription, but I'm sure a therapist would have to okay it first. So who should I go to first? And last, about how much would this cost out-of-pocket if insurance doesn't cover it? We come from a poor family and if this is going to make me bankrupt I may as well just go back to sleeping all day.", "answer": "The Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) mandates now that health insurance plans cover some form of mental health care as well, so you should have some options. That being said, it won't cover all therapists. Find your health insurance's website and look for a list of accepted providers.\n\nBefore you start with a doctor, I'd consider seeing a therapist a few times. Not everyone with depression requires anti-depressants, so best start off just seeking psychotherapy (it is more effective in the long-term anyways). If your therapist feels that you would benefit from a combined therapy/medicine approach, then he'll likely refer you to a psychiatrist for a prescription. Most insurance covers anti-depressants, so if your providers feel that is a needed option, it shouldn't be anymore than a 10-20 dollar co-pay per month. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "161v9p", "comment_id": "161v9p"}, {"question": "Help me!", "description": "When I lay on the right side of my head I feel pressure on the left side of my head and when I touch the right side of my head it feels way weaker then the left side of my head. I've had this for 2 years and it's only starting to bother me now. What is it? I am a white 16 year old male, I take the orange Asthma inhaler every now and then, I don't drink, I am not a smoker and I don't use recreational drugs.", "answer": "Visit your general practitioner for a physical exam.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hg669r", "comment_id": "hg669r"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [19] has a best guy friend [24] that likes her but keeps his boundaries.", "description": "I'm 20 and have been in the relationship 7 months (we have known each other for 5 years only became close in past 2 years) I feel jealous that my girlfriend spends a lot of time with her best friend that likes her that she's known for 1 year. \nFirst off I know jealously is bad and I hate feeling this way wish I didn't because it causes problems in relationships. She's told me that before we got together they had cuddled a few times and made out a few times but she didn't feel anything for him and didn't want to date him because he is chubby and isn't going to go far in his life (ha and she thinks I am lol [ I try :/]). She's very attractive and is a nice person so she gives people chances to see if she'd catch feels but she didn't do nothing further happend.\n\nBefore our relationship he was very flirty with her and disrespectful to a previous relationship she had so he told him to Fuck off and cut him from her life for a while (4 months). While with me he came back into her life promising to respect her boundaries. Now she says he is an asshole to her (but in a friendly way) so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable, like calling her bitch or like playfully being mean like threatening to not give her a ride home when they hang out (never at his house) if she doesn't take a shot or something. They share a lot more in common than her and I because of how they grew up like the party life, broken homes, drugs and alcohol vs sheltered life, not drugs and alcohol (growing up) I don't treat her like an ass hole (I offered to be an asshole bbut she said it'd feel weird coming from me). In interaction and conversation I can tell he likes her though because he still says things like sweet dreams you're my best friend (heart emoji), holds the door open for her every time, takes her out to eat places (she says she pays for herself so it's not a date) they go out more to do fun things than her and I do, late night hang outs, taking her out to go get fucked up (at the park or his car he lives like an hour away) she dresses up more for him because they go out more than we do like that blue dress you've never worn for me :(. I'm more of the structured part of her life (what she feel in love with).\n\nWhen we hang out it's mostly in my house or hers, just do things like watch Dragonball together, do productive things with our time like projects or education on how to get started in real estate. I haven't been taking her on as many dates because we both are using the majority of our incomes to pay off debt and live minimully to get out of the rat race faster. I want to be able to pay for college and she has a lot of debt from large purchases she's made in the past like braces (she needed them bad, though I didn't mind her teeth at all) Lasik eye surgery for her dad, personal stuff/family really. \n\nHe has only 2 friends a guy and her, if feel like a dick breaking up their friendship when I know they aren't doing anything. My GF says she doesn't like him and I believe her, that part that bothers me is that he likes her and that she will use a lot of her free time and energy on time with him vs time with me. She doesn't have any other close friends she can hang out with. If I asked her to stop seeing him I know she would but she wouldn't be happy about it. I don't want to give her an ultimatum.\n\nI've never met him he didn't like most people and hates to meet new people so they only hang out 1 on 1 or sometimes with his other friend there. She'll usually Snapchat me so I know generally what's going on.\n\nI'm not sure what type of advise I'm looking for. Ideally I can find acceptance in their relationship somehow because she needs a friend like that outside of our relationship (she can't only be friends with just me) but I don't know how to control my emotions in that sense and I can't force her to find another friend that relates so much to her she can talk to that isn't him or maybe a girl or guy that doesn't like her... Help me realize I'm overreacting. But anything will help really thank you. And Yes I do have oneitus I don't plan on leaving her.\n\nTLDR:\nShe is best friends with him, he likes her, she doesn't. I know they don't do anything + he ain't cute. They do spend a lot of time together that I wish she would spend time like that with me. Don't want to break up what friendship they have. He keeps his boundaries that she set up but I still find some interactions too much like going out to eat food. She'd 100% pick me over him if I made in ultimatum but that'd cause a different kind of divide between us because jealousy does that. Idk what to do.\n\nEdit: I spend more time with her in general but it's time spent at work, getting groceries, sleeping together, etc but he spends more of the time during like days off, like they saw fireworks together on July 4th when we got the day off work.", "answer": "u either trust her or you don't", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lmbea", "comment_id": "6lmbea"}, {"question": "HELP: broke up and now everyone hates me :( (8th grade girl)", "description": "Hi, I'm 13 and in the 8th grade. Recently I got a boyfriend and we dated for 6 days. I broke up with him. I messed up so bad. I didn't like him when I first started dating him and I told my closest friends that I wanted to break up with him the night before I did. I guess il just give a back story: so Last Saturday night I was invited to a bonfire (my boyfriend was not there but a bunch of his friends where) and I told my friends that wanted to break up with him early on in the night. Later on that night we decided to play spin the bottle and you know me being the stupid fuck that I am I kissed someone else. The next day I broke up with him and then one of the people that were there told him what happened that night. So the next day at school people asked him why we broke up and he said \"because she cheated on me with (the guys name)\" Now a BUNCH of people hate me.... Advice on regaining friendships would be a big help.", "answer": "A true friend won't believe lies. You did the right thing. And the people that remain by your side are your real friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72p8kr", "comment_id": "72p8kr"}, {"question": "Taking meds I probably shouldnt", "description": "I started taking some of my old anti depressant meds that I have. I feel like its been helping, but I obviously cant take it that long because I dont have a current prescription. Idk what to do because I technically shouldnt be taking them, but if it helps whats the big deal? I started taking them because Im on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist but I really cannot wait that long. So what do I do? Do I just stop taking it and wait, or do I ask my GP for a prescription of it? Im not exactly sure what the best move is.", "answer": "Where do you live? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "al2zk0", "comment_id": "al2zk0"}, {"question": "Encouraging ...i think !", "description": "Every month i meet friends for dinner. On this day last month i was obsessed by anxiety of how was i going to not drink. This morning no anxiety just fact. I do not drink therefore i don't have to worry about it. By the way as security i have offered to drive as i never drive after even 1 glass of wine. ! Sounds easy..but please remember i have blipped since last month but today i feel more comtrolled. I do have a bigger challenge this week so be sure to look out for my posts...i will be calling on you my sober pals if needed ! IWNDWYT", "answer": "Well done. I've had v similar experiences with nights out. Often, as well as a bit of troubleshooting, there is nothing for it except grit. You've got this. \n\nI'm v grateful for all the compassion and support here too.\n\n Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94z6rq", "comment_id": "94z6rq"}, {"question": "I don't know women", "description": "This post is actually a big question to women of the world, because there is one big thing I'm really confused about. \n\nSo I broke up with my girlfriend (she's 22 this year) a few days back and I'm reflecting what really went wrong so I can improve to win her back or to at least help me move on to a future without her. \n\nWe broke up in a peaceful manner, no fighting no anything, just a sad talk and though I was unwilling, I decided to agree to end our relationship because she said she no longer had feelings for me and there's no point in maintaining an one sided relationship. \n\nSo from the talk we had, I learned quite a few things:\n\u2022 So apparently from the start when i was wooing her, she thought that I was not ready for a relationship/unwilling to put in maximum effort for a relationship (admittedly im at least somewhat like that) but she still agreed to a relationship because she felt she was \"still young\" (she was 20 then) and she believed that I'll be different after we become official. \n\u2022 She had talked about my lack of initativeness and subsequently, the fact that me being a beta male means I was the opposite of her ideal partner (an alpha male who will make her take a girlfriend role)\n\u2022 She told me the previous points about 3-4 times from Sep 2016 and I made (empty) promises that I'll change for her, since she had done the same to suit me, and while I thought I had changed enough, as it turns out it's still not enough\n\u2022 So just bear in mind it's being troubling her for at least 5-6 months and even perhaps at the start of our 13 months relationship \n\nBUT there's the confusing part\n\u2022 While she's starting to become disappointed in me, she didn't say anything despite I encouraged an honest relationship (but maybe she didnt want to hurt me or she wanted me to take the initiative to change\n\u2022 Then I was reading the past messages (not a good idea tbh but whats done is done) and I read that her anniversary message was really like heart shapes and stuff like what she would usually do. That was December 2016\n\u2022 Then suddenly in a matter of weeks (not more than 1 month) she just changed 180 degrees and she said she lost ALL feelings for me cos of her disappointment in me (and some anger) and this was apparent when her style of messaging changed (more cold and less hearts etc)\n\n\nSo I'm confused? How is it possible for someone to change so sudden/shouldn't the change be like gradually? Okay she was more mushy during the start of the relationship during the honeymoon period but i guess it's cos it's the honeymoon?\n\u2022 Or is it I was blind enough not to notice the gradual coldness? \n\u2022 I doubt so but could it be that she was just acting throughout the past few months to not hurt my feelings?\n\u2022 Or is it just the act of emotions and anger and that is just an impulsive decision?\n\nCan the women of reddit enlighten me so I can finally put this issue to ease? Thanks ", "answer": "it's not about women. it's about a singular very mixed up woman.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5peb64", "comment_id": "5peb64"}, {"question": "Not sure if I took my Rexulti - what to do?", "description": "44 y/o white female. 5' tall, 140 lbs.\n\nDuration, location N/A\n\nBeen taking Zoloft for a few years, increased from 150 mg/day to 200 mg/day about three months ago. Two months ago my psychiatrist added 1 mg/day of Rexulti. This has reduced my anxiety/agoraphobia but tonight I have an issue.\n\nEvery evening I take my Zoloft, Rexulti, and Claritin at the same time. I put the 4 pills in my hand and take with water. Same routine every night.\n\nTonight about an hour after taking my meds, I got up and saw a Rexulti tablet on the couch; apparently I'd been sitting next to it. I thought all the pills went from my hand to my mouth, but I suppose the Rexulti (which is tiny) could've fallen out of my hand on the way to mouth. But it's also possible that an extra pill fell out of the container.\n\nI don't want to take this one and take a chance of double-dosing. However I don't want to skip a dose. I don't know exactly how many pills were in the bottle, otherwise I'd just count what's there and figure it out.\n\nAny guidance would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "There isn't a right answer, but I would recommend risking a skipped dose and taking your next dose as scheduled over a possible double dose. Neither is high risk; an extra milligram is probably slightly more likely to produce unpleasant side effects.\n\nReally, either way is probably okay. The standard increase from 1 mg is straight to 2 mg, so it's not particularly risky to accidentally increase for a day either.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bso4go", "comment_id": "bso4go"}, {"question": "Could a blood test at sexual health clinic put me at risk of an infection ?", "description": "I really need some advice, I am a 20 year old female and recently had a full sexual health test because i was skeptical about an incident that occurred years ago ( I am not and have not been sexually active since). I took the test on Tuesday and my result came back negative and free from infection. I was very relieved about these results, but unfortunately two days later developed a bad fever and very sore throat. I have never experienced illness like this and am worried that i may have contracted something during testing at the clinic, the nurse who attended to me was very offish and I did not watch the whole blood drawing process as i am quite afraid of needles. Also I rushed while taking the self swab test and did not wash my hands before. I live in the UK and generally have a positive perception of our health care system and really want to this to just be a common cold, but i have never experienced such uncomfortable cold symptoms like this and it is making me very worried. I understand it is a very busy time of the year and would appreciate any advice. Thank you", "answer": "Given what you said, you didn't contact anything from the blood taking proceedure. Its much more likely to be the bad cold thats inflicting the UK this year.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5k7lic", "comment_id": "5k7lic"}, {"question": "Is being a loser a good enough reason to kill oneself?", "description": "Is having no friends, being socially inept, unattractive, bullied on a weekly basis, having nothing going for yourself, and knowing that your existence doesn\u2019t matter in the grand scheme of things a compelling reason to want to end your life?", "answer": "I don't think so at all. There are very very very few compelling reasons for making a rational choice for suicide. \n\n\nLife circumstances like the ones you've said are never a compelling reason no matter how much of a struggle it can be. The reason I believe this is that there is ALWAYS a chance that things will turn around. The most ugly part of depression is that it convinces you that it absolutely can't or won't, but that's your depression talking to you and convincing you that something illogical is true... if you let it. \n\n\nI really detest bullies in all forms. For most it's all about power and control. Many deep down would love the idea that they had so much power over you that they could make you miserable and end your life. Simply continuing to live your life and make the best attempt you can to be happy (whether it's successful or not) in spite of what they do or say is the best middle finger you can give to them. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8orawm", "comment_id": "8orawm"}, {"question": "How can I help my partner who feels unfullfilled in his job and has confessed to having suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Basically the title, It's been 8 years and I've handled his depression on and off. The current bought is because he *hates* his job. It's so hard for me to console him. I have no idea how to help him or even what words of comfort I can give him other than the usual I love yous, we will get through this, ect. \n\nI can't imagine my life without him and am terrified of him following through on his suicidal thoughts. I stay up most nights watching him breath in bed next to me, just bawling at the thought of him being so unhappy that he wants to end his life. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and scared. ", "answer": "These are all good suggestions. It may help for you to learn and understand more about what suicidal thoughts are. One of the books I typically recommend people read to understand suicide more is, \"Why people die by suicide\". It's fairly understandable as it is written for laypeople. \n\nWhile suicidal thoughts certainly are scary, the best things you can do, as the partner are the following:\n(1) tell him you want to know what and how he is feeling, (2) telling him that yes, it may be scary but you can handle it. And if it is overwhelming you know where to go for help (but you need to actually know. And a therapist is great for this)\n\nThe vast majority of people that have suicidal thoughts do not attempt suicide because there are many reasons for living that are stronger than the reasons for dying. Don't be so scared of thoughts of death that it becomes a barrier to enjoying things together and having a life. \n\nIt sounds to me like he really does hate his job. People can deal with miserable circumstances if they feel there is an end in sight (hope that things will get better). When there is not hope of things improving the risk of suicide shoots way through the rough. (This hope or the lack thereof is actually one of the best predictors of suicide that we know). As such, help him and support him to find things about his work situation that could be eventually better. (Getting more training, applying for other jobs, going to school, changing career, retirement...)\n\nMaking a connection with a therapist and having an established relationship with a helping professional that you and he trust will be helpful now. And most importantly, it will be even more important should things get worse. \n\nI think you are perhaps the person most in the world that can help and support your partner, I personally think it would be a mistake for you to not be involved in treatment. I have tried to make this response as brief as possible, happy to say more or clarify if you have questions. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "act78r", "comment_id": "act78r"}, {"question": "i believe i am a sociopath", "description": "ive always been afraid to write about this but here goes. but my sociopathic tendencies arise from girls\n\nbasically my whole life i've needed a girlfriend to feel whole, to feel positive emotions such as love and happiness and i'll do anything to acquire those emotions. i feel dead inside without them. if my friends or family died i would feel nothing unless the girls texts me, then i feel such intense feelings of remorse sadness and depression and missing the person. someone to talk to me every day. it makes me feel less lonely. i feel so empty without one\n\nwhen a girl doesn't text me back the emotional reaction i feel is unreal. every second of every day is controlled by the text. i cannot focus on anything. i will starve myself the entire day. if a friend or family member dies i don't care\nunless the girl is taking to me. if they're talking to me i feel regular emotions\nof sadness and depression and missing the person. tbh without the reply if they die i would feel nothing. i need their friendship as a way to get approval myself. if a friend stops talking to me i literally go insane into panic attack mode. l call their phone 10 times. text them why do you hate me are you still my friend what did i do. but the ultimate reason i'm doing this is not because i care about them but because i need the friendship or i cannot survive. unless i'm talking to the girl, then the genuine emotions of love and friendship come back and i love them again and don't need it\n\ni feel like my sociopathic tendencies lie in this part of my post. like i said without girls i feel no positive emotion for anyone. close friends, family, if they died i would not care. but when they're talking to me i love them more than anything in the world. so when the girl stops talking to me i go crazy. it feels like my like is over and they'll never talk to me again so i'll make up situations to force a reply. i'll text them my family member died and i need someone to talk to. i'll make up a situation where my car ran out of gas and i need them pick me up. this is all seems sociopathic but the things is i only do this because i want the approval of the girl. and i want to feel fucking positive emotions for my friends. it's such bullshit to lie to them and tell them i care about them when if they died i wouldn't care at all unless the girl is talking to me. once i get the approval of the girl i don't do any of these things, it's just when then stop texting me back and my mind freaks out and determines it as if they're never going to talk to me again so i must make up ridiculous scenarios to force a reply. i consider myself a horrible person so if you want to comment on that i don't mind. i've been scared to post about this for the longest time but i need to know. thank you ", "answer": "You might want to do a little research on personality disorders (sociopaths are one type, called antisocial personality disorder, along a spectrum of PDs). Usually that diagnosis is characterized by a lack of empathy in the extreme; does that sound like you? \n\nBetter yet, see a therapist or psychologist. What you\u2019re describing sounds very distressing for you and that warrants getting help, and perhaps he or she will be able to sort out the meaning and roots of your need for validation from a romantic interest. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7flapo", "comment_id": "7flapo"}, {"question": "Need to gain weight", "description": "My (M16) BMI is about 18.7 and 18.5 is underweight,. I'm not really skinny but still my doctor (a psychiatrist do not a \"food doctor\") told me to gain weight even through eating more and less healthy. I have been doing this for like 4 months and I gained 0.3 kilograms, I also stopped \"working out\" (just a bunch of push ups and sit ups) but still nothing. \nIt feels weird that some People would kill to have my metabolism but I still need to change something", "answer": "r/EatCheapAndHealthy may also have some tips for you, I've seen other people make posts there similar to your situation.\n\nI've seen others recommend peanut butter, it's fairly high calorie, cheap, it's got some protein and good fats to it as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fd1c25", "comment_id": "fd1c25"}, {"question": "My tolerance for living this way is coming to an end. I'm unsure as to what is next for me.", "description": "I\u2019m constantly in a dull numb state since I started depression medication 2 months ago. My therapist thinks I\u2019m doing great and has scheduled me 3 weeks apart now a session when I used to go every week to every other if there was a scheduling conflict. But things have just gotten worse and when I try to bring them up, it\u2019s as if she discredits me. I\u2019m unsure if she\u2019s just trying to make me critically think or maybe she is just sick of seeing me. \n\nAlong with this, my relationship has taken a toll as well. We argue, and I didn\u2019t think it was that much until I was just told that it happens all the time. We have lost a lot of closeness in our relationship. We sleep together, but we rarely cuddle, hold each other, have sex, or even hug or kiss. The lack of physical closeness has really taken a toll on me as well. I have no motivation and I don\u2019t know how to fix any of this. I don\u2019t know what to do that would even be a step in the right direction. \n\nFeeling that I\u2019m just stuck in this spot where I am stagnant and can\u2019t make any right choices makes me want to feel more than just a numbness and depression would take over. But I know for the sake of my mental health I can\u2019t do that or I will tumble downward fast.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through such a difficult time. I would suggest you consider finding a new therapist if you have tried multiple times to voice when you need and she isn\u2019t listening. You could try once more to say that you are not doing that great and why (med feel, turmoil in relationship, etc) and that you need more sessions. If she dismisses you again say \u201cthat feels really invalidating and dismissive\u201d hopefully she will have a conversation about it. If she doesn\u2019t then find someone new who will do their job. Meds aren\u2019t a fix, they need to be combined with consistent therapy as well. \n\nDoes your T prescribe the meds or someone else? Whoever does I would talk to them about how you feel and they can work with you on dose or if a different med would be better. Meds aren\u2019t one size fits all and it can take some trial and error. Stay strong. I might also suggest some couples therapy to help you and your partner work through this.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ht1mi8", "comment_id": "ht1mi8"}, {"question": "I'm still receiving bills from my suicide attempt", "description": "I have insurance, I didn't ask for this hospital stay it was court ordered. And yet the bills have been rolling in for months. Be advised if you plan to call for \"help.\"", "answer": "Damn I am so sorry!! By help do you mean a crisis hotline? I'm glad that you're still here...doesn't sound like these were physical injuries which is good. But financial debt is no joke!! \n\nAnyway, I used to work for a crisis hotline. If anything, do NOT say you're about to harm yourself, but DO call. Emphasize what you feel but don't focus on a plan to carry it out. Even if you do have one, it will only work against you. What callers need is connection, and these additional details will not help in that. Sure it will give you more time with the hotline but thats only because authorities are coming out. Some hotlines will stay with you a long time without expressing a definitive plan. If one call is brief, call another, and then another...Call all over the country. I'm sorry your reaching out for support ended this way. Also I'm sorry if I misunderstood the sequence of events. I just want to encourage other redditors to call crisis hotlines as a former crisis counselor with periodic suicide ideation.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "d53g4b", "comment_id": "d53g4b"}, {"question": "I [20/M] asked for a girl's [19/F] phone number after class and I don't know where to go from here.", "description": "As a preface I work at an Escape Room that she visited and she recognized me a month later once college had started back. So fast forward back to the 2nd week of class I asked for her number under the preface of not knowing anyone else in the class, and I don't know how long I should wait before asking her to coffee. Is there a \"weird\" time like a day or two later, where it is better not to ask? Should I just talk to her about classroom things until we become a bit more familiar? I thought it would be best to avoid that but I honestly don't know. I've only ever dated a childhood friend and I recently moved to attend college so I am kind of lost in all this. I know this more opinion that isn't really helpful, but she is the most adorably cute thing I have ever seen. \n\nTL;DR Met a girl in class, got her number, and I want to know if there are any do's or don'ts about asking her out on a date.\n\nedit: To clarify, I asked for her number.", "answer": "if she gave you her number, she's waiting for a call. coffee in the daytime is the best place to start.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptsgi", "comment_id": "5ptsgi"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom. It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\" \n \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\" - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do. \n \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on? These comments are HORRENDOUS. But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "1olzjr"}, {"question": "cannabis and irreversible brain damage?", "description": "i've used a lot of cannabis over the past 3-4 years of my life and as a 21 year-old i would like to stop.\n\n&nbsp;\n\ni'd rather be told the blunt truth than a lie. **have i likely inflicted some irreversible changes in my brain? how long should i expect it to take for my brain to produce an acceptable amount of dopamine on its own? a few years? never??**\n\n&nbsp;\n\nafter a 115-day break last year, the results were very disappointing. i had extreme focus/motivation problems and a general depression, despite pretty regular exercise. ", "answer": "It's likely those problems exist separately and independent from your weed use ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "68tsgv", "comment_id": "68tsgv"}, {"question": "Having issues with sweating all over the body, hands shaking and tremoring, heart palpitations, lost 30 pounds in 6 months etc.", "description": "Age: 18\n\nSex:Male\n\nHeight: 6'1\n\nWeight: 160 pounds\n\nRace: white\n\nDuration: As long as I can remember but heightened recently (6 months)\n\nlocation: whole body\n\ndiagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety and depression\n\ncurrently taking 10mg of however prescribed 6mg intuniv and 50 mg zoloft\n\nsmoke weed at night to fall asleep\n\n&#x200B;\n\nsymptoms: Have been having either diareaha or constipation since seventh grade, kind of just switches between the two of them every few weeks, sweating all over the body, mostly hands and feet getting absolutely soaking wet throughout the day, complete anxiety at all points throughout the day, short breath, have lost 30 pounds in 5 months, trouble sleeping, hands tremoring, whole body shaking, heart palpitations, everytime i step outside into the cold I begin to shiver and it becomes very hard to breath.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n I found that I need to take almost twice my prescription of intuniv in order for me to feel these symptoms either fade or go away, if I don't use the 10mg intuniv the only other way to feel okay is to smoke weed, which makes me believe that this has to be in some way due to blood pressure. I went to the doctors at home several months ago and they have absolutely no idea other than thinking its just anxiety, I then went to the doctors a few days ago here to get blood drawn and tested as I suspected I have hyperthyroidism, I went and got my blood drawn while on the 10mg of intuniv, and the results came back negative. I'm not sure whether or not the intuniv can affect a blood test for hyperthyroidism however I feel that might have caused it as I'm completely out of ideas as to what is wrong with me. ", "answer": "No, guanfacine (intuniv) doesn't affect thyroid function tests or the thyroid.\n\nAnxiety fits. \n\nYou may need a much-higher dosage of sertraline (zoloft). Some of my patients with anxiety disorders need as much as 200mg or more.\n\nHave you had Cognitive Behavior Therapy?\n\n&#x200B;", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "alu6c4", "comment_id": "alu6c4"}, {"question": "Long-term Mystery odor and sweatiness in genital area F30", "description": "age: 30 years old\n\nsex: female\n\nheight: 5'6''\n\nweight: 120 lbs.\n\nrace: white\n\nprimary complaint: bad (vaginal?) odor when sitting for any amount of time; feel like I have to urinate frequently; excessive sweatiness in vaginal area in social situations and after sitting\n\nmedications: none\n\ndrinking/smoking/drugs: non-user\n\nAbout a decade ago I noticed a distinct odor coming from between my legs -- it was unpleasant, but not in a fishy way, and accompanied by a little sweatiness. I closed my legs and just thought 'hmmm, that's odd' and hoped it would go away. A few months before this happened I had a very bad UTI that I left untreated for a couple of days and then got antibiotics for -- from that time I've had a sensitive bladder at night in particular. Also, I had been having unprotected sex with a partner at the time, but I got tested for the usual STDs afterward and I didn't have anything pop up (could be exotic I suppose, but if so, what?). I lost the ability to smell this odor between my legs after a few months and stopped thinking about it/assumed it went away. Unfortunately, the odor/sweatiness never went away. I know this because in the past few years I've noticed that people will get up and move away from where I'm sitting after about 20 minutes of my sitting down because I start to smell awful, which has proven extremely embarrassing to me. I've had two friends comment on it, so I know it's not in my head. I continue to sweat, A LOT, down there...after sitting for an extended period of time or when I get into a social situation. This exacerbates the smell, I think, because I can tell people notice and move away from me (but they do so when I'm not sweating too, so it's not just the sweat). The bladder problem has also gotten worse during this period and at night I sometimes have trouble sleeping now because I feel I have to use the bathroom, but when I go, it's not a lot. It's socially been extremely debilitating recently, as even six-seven feet away I've had people relocate to sit further from me. I should add that this hasn't subsided, the sweating, no matter the time of year or my diet, which I've changed up over time. I should also note that I have had annual reproductive health exams and never had a doctor tell me anything looks off down there. I've also been too embarrassed to explain what's happening to me. No burning/itching/strange discharge that I can identify. The strange thing about the (odor) moisture is that it occurs even if I use Drysol in the exterior area of the vagina/butt. Thoughts? Any ideas will be super helpful.", "answer": "I have dysautonomia which causes hyperhydrosis. I sweat a LOT, and most especially in the downtown. I do the public hair trim, use the blow dryer, use panty liners, don\u2019t sleep in underwear and occasionally use a non talc based power on the \u201cleg pits\u201d as a prior commenter called them, but not near the vulva. Even with all this I still struggle. Medications to help with sweating only make me extremely dry mouthed and I cannot afford (nor do I want) Botox every few weeks in the downtown. I just do my best with the above and deal with it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dyvbw9", "comment_id": "dyvbw9"}, {"question": "Temporary Blindness and Death", "description": "So I am; \n19 \nMale \n5ft 10\" \n80kg \nWhite - British \n\n\nThis has happened 5 times within the past 3 years and most recently happened inside a bank whilst I was in a queue. Basically what happens is I start to feel very un-energetic and feel very week. After a few minutes my vision and hearing starts to fade out. My vision fades to black and then I can't see for around a minute, my hearing gets all muffled to the point I can't understand a thing and then I feel very sick as well as it being hard to balance. After around a minute or so my hearing and vision comes back quite slowly and I recover quickly with my vision coming back first then my balance. The sicky feeling goes away and then the hearing comes back, but then I am stuck with a ringing and humming for a few more minutes. \nI am planning to book and appointment with a doctor, but thought I would ask here first.", "answer": "That sounds presyncopal\u2014basically, you\u2019re on the verge of fainting. That can have benign causes, but it can also be a serious heart issue. Please see a doctor as soon as possible and go to A&E if it happens again.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjbqaq", "comment_id": "cjbqaq"}, {"question": "Feel like I have cancer \ud83d\ude29", "description": "I found this collar bone lump like two days ago, it\u2019s been worrying me and I can\u2019t go to the doctors until 7th January, they\u2019re not available before that. Some people tell me it\u2019s normal bone anatomy but literally everything I search I don\u2019t find this bone. Look at this picture: https://ibb.co/jgfQ5N6 \nTell me it\u2019s normal bone \ud83d\ude29 it feels like bone, doesn\u2019t move and it\u2019s on my collarbone if not a part of it. I can\u2019t feel it on my other side, what if this is lymphoma?! Would lymphoma grow like that?!", "answer": "I noticed that you've made a lot of posts recently about various health concerns, as well as some symptoms of OCD-like fears when you were younger. It sounds like you could be dealing with health OCD, and are trying to get reassurance that there isn't anything wrong with you. The trap of health OCD is that no amount of reassurance can ever truly make us feel okay for long, because 1) nothing can ever give us 100% certainty that there isn't a problem, and 2) some new fear will always take its place. I linked a good article on health OCD (aka hypochondriasis) below, I'd recommend checking it out and seeing if it rings true to you. \n\n[http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it](http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it)", "topic": "HealthAnxiety", "post_id": "e8gvnu", "comment_id": "e8gvnu"}, {"question": "I need to make a voting system for my school's film festival. People need to be able to vote on the movie that they think win without there being any errors or cheating.", "description": "Last year we used google forms but people were able to submit multiple people. It will need to be able to support a few hundred votes. What would the best system be?", "answer": "If it has to be anonymous, you could have them enter an ID # based on, say, a combo of their student ID and date of birth or something along those lines. I've seen some surveys ask me to enter, like, first two letters of mom's name, the two digit day I was born, and last letter of my first name. Just obscure enough to hide my identity, still unique to just me. I suppose people could still forge some but it might be enough of a barrier to stop most.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9dh1k", "comment_id": "f9dh1k"}, {"question": "Boyfriend (26/m) wants me (24/f) to lose weight...", "description": "I want to start off by saying that I have been a consistently healthy weight my whole life. I am an athletic build and have a full time very active job, so my body is pretty built muscularly. My genes cause me to have a round face and carry any unwanted weight around my stomach/thighs. I have gained maybe 10 pounds in the 4 years that we have been together, most of which I chalk up to growing up. \nMy boyfriend, whom I have lived with for 4yrs, has made small comments here and there throughout our relationship about my appearance but I have chose to overlook them due to many of his other redeeming qualities. We have had a pretty regular sex life until the past three months or so, now the sex has stopped. He is an avid gym goer (6days/wk) and is constantly pressuring me to go. I do go once or twice a week, which is plenty given how much physical labor I do at work. He recently decided to inform me again that it is a regular part of most peoples lives to go to the gym everyday. He also said that I have changed a lot physically since we were first together.\nI think that his qualms are completely ridiculous and quite frankly he has pissed me off. I am writing to see if of you have had a similar problem of your SO pressuring you to lose weight/work out? How did you handle the situation? Any advice for what I should say to the bf?", "answer": "sounds like ur a conscientious, healthy woman. and sounds like you look pretty much the same as before. it's his problem that he's harping", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjnp4", "comment_id": "5tjnp4"}, {"question": "Antidepressants & Sex Drive", "description": "Hey everyone I\u2019ve posted before about this but I wanna see if there\u2019s anything different in responses. \n\nSo I\u2019m 17M and I started taking sertraline (Zoloft) about six months ago. Everything was normal until around 5-7 days and almost immediately, from that point on, it\u2019s been harder to get and stay erect. Nothing really gets me hard anymore and I guess my sex drive has plummeted. I just can\u2019t get hard. Sometimes as I get near orgasm it gets hard briefly but it doesn\u2019t last long usually, it just goes back flaccid in the middle of a masturbation session. It\u2019s slightly better than a couple months ago but it\u2019s just difficult to get into anything like this. \n\nI\u2019m not sexually active but it does make it difficult to masturbate and I just want pleasure. Is there anyway to get back to being horny? I\u2019m kinda just frustrated at this point. ", "answer": "If sertraline is really making a big difference for you, talk to the doctor who's prescribing it about what you can do to restore libido. There are broadly two ways to go: switch from sertraline to something else, or manage the side effects. It's not ideal to treat side effects of medications with more medications, but it is doable, and there are a lot of extra meds to counteract that particular side effect. None have great evidence\u2014there's not evidence they *don't* work, just not robust evidence that they do, but anecdotally and in published case series they seem helpful.\n\nEspecially if sertraline is not doing you a whole lot of good, it's absolutely reasonable to try something else. Sometimes if one SSRI has sexual side effects another does not; there are also non-SSRI medications for depression or anxiety worth trying.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9v62h9", "comment_id": "9v62h9"}, {"question": "Depressed talking with another depressed individual", "description": "I don't have depression, but my SO does.\n\nShe's been depressed most of her life and her life isn't getting better anytime soon, or at least she thinks so. While we've been keeping her depression at bay a lot of times, she's an active member of a particular chat group. She's pretty well known there and a lot of people personally chats her, either to hit her, random chat, or asking for life advice. Ironic because she's suicidal herself.\n\nOften she would find someone depressed, who shares the same condition with her. So she felt the need to reach out to these individuals. At first it seemed great, noble cause, and I thought she could find solace knowing others share the same experience. But a lot of times, seeing the sorrow others have to endure triggered her depression. Just recently she reached out to someone who already set out his suicide date, and well... It didn't sit well with her, so she became suicidal as well, said hurtful words at me, and pushed me like I'm a stranger.\n\nThis is a very sensitive subject, especially for this subreddit. But for Redditors who are depressed and frequents at this subreddit, does it ever trigger you? I did show my disagreement toward her, but she said she couldn't help it. Honestly, I'm stressed every time this happens and I want her to stop. But I can't go and say \"You dealing with depressed people is making you depressed, and it's stressing me out\"...", "answer": "I have a job where I deal with self harmful and suicidal teenagers everyday. While unhealthy, it fosters a bit of a codependency because I know to an extent they need me and to a certain extent I need them (or at least my job cause it makes me feel like I have purpose). That being said, it's very easy to burn out cause of vicarious trauma because I'm listening to their stories and watching them at times destroying themselves and sometimes, I feel guilty I couldn't do more to stop it. My now-ex, as well as a handful of others I know, don't believe I'm in the right field given my diagnosis. I've heard countless times that because I'm depressed or suicidal, how can I possibly help others. It's not easy, it's a daily struggle, but self-care is key. Your girlfriend needs some level of understanding from you as to why she's doing what she's doing but reminded also that she can not control the behavior of others. It is not her job to save people, but she's doing her part to listen and help people save themselves. She needs support when she's burning out, not judgment.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "5j0epj", "comment_id": "5j0epj"}, {"question": "New guy here, and I'm begging for some real advice. I've ruined my marriage, and I don't know how to make up for 5 years of damage. Please read on for a lengthy story...", "description": "So, as a heads up, this will be a bit lengthy. I'll give a TL;DR disclaimer at the bottom. But my story requires some background information. \n \nI've been married to my wife since December 23, 2005. We got together in July of 2005. We've been best friends since 1995. And I mean as close as friends could possibly get. There's always been a level of comfort between us that I never knew existed, and a connection that was unexplainable. \n \nSince a month or two after we got together, we decided to have another child. But it never happened. There was something wrong with one of us, but we were both too scared to find out. As a relevant side story, she had a child when she was 17. The father was(is) a real scumbag, and was in and out of jail throughout the pregnancy and throughout my daughter's life. I have been the only father figure in Chastity's(my daughter) life, which I stepped up to the day I found out my wife was pregnant. Now I digress. \n \nOur relationship was great, all the way up to 3 months into the marriage. Then I started playing this online game(Space Cowboy for those wondering.). I neglected giving my wife any attention, and would barely ever speak to her. I didn't catch on to the cries for attention, or the fact that there was something wrong. So she had an affair. We decided to work through it. She was truly sorry and embarrassed, and I was truly willing to forgive her. While it was completely un-acceptable what she did, I knew the reasoning, and felt I would've done the same thing. \n \nThing is, I never forgave her. I constantly brought it up. I became consumed with distrust and jealousy. I tried to control her actions; where she went, who she talked to. And the worst part: I called her a \"whore\" EVERY SINGLE TIME WE FOUGHT. We went three years like this. We'd have some great times, but we were both unhappy. I had turned into a monster. \n \nShe tried talking to me many many times, and tell me there was a problem. We both started shutting down. Gone was the affection, the passion, the true love, the making love. She was more and more lonely, as was I. We missed each other so much, but were too far apart to do anything. I think we were even blind to how sever it was. She started talking to someone else in the beginning of this year, and I started talking to an old \"friend\" of mine. She found out, and assumed I had cheated on her, which honestly, I didn't. Though, that was my intention at the time. \n \nSo she had another affair. Again, we decided we were too close, too strong to let this tear us apart. We just wanted to be us again. But my hatred and resentment grew further for her. Calling her a \"whore\" was a daily thing. She was totally shut down. But still, she stood by my side, hoping things would change. Why? \n \nSo now we're here. About 2 weeks ago, she'd had enough. She wanted a divorce. I never realized how horrible I was up until this day. But all my promises were no good anymore. I spent the last 2 weeks bawling like a child at the mistakes I've made, begging her to stay. The papers are still in the night stand. She told me she's not in love with who I am today, and she misses the real me. She can't live like this. I'm proud of her. She shouldn't live like this. But I've done some soul searching, and I've truly forgiven her for the past. I did it for MYSELF. I just couldn't hold on to those demons anymore. I'm not that controlling, jealous monster anymore. But the love is gone out of our marriage. I know she wants to fix this, she's admitted she just wants ME back. But how do I fix this? How do I show her? \n \nI feel so distant from her, and I'm scared to do/say many things. I miss holding my wife's hand. I miss putting my arm around her during movies. And most of all, I miss those 5 second moments when we'd just look into each others eyes, silent. \n \nI'm really sorry for the ranting, Reddit. I'm sure many of you understand the need to just vent, even if no one listens. I'm just looking for some simple advice, especially from people who have been here. Thanks everyone. \n \nFYI: Divorce is an option, and we'd both be very civil about it. But neither of us want a divorce, we just don't want to live like this. \n \nTL;DR: After 4 or 5 years of ruining my marriage and degrading my wife, how can I prove things are truly different? I'll answer any questions in comments. Thanks again everyone. \n \n**EDIT:** I fixed the paragraph issue. My apologies. :) \n \n**EDIT:** Honestly, I expected some criticism; looked forward to it actually. Even expected quite a bit of you to tell us to divorce. What amazes me is how society has completely lost the value of marriage. Of course, my wife and I screwed up *big time.* But why is the only advice to an unhappy marriage to divorce? This isn't a high school relationship. We married each other because we're so in love, so connected, that there's no doubt in our mind that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. The process of changing, adapting, and fixing problems is the only thing that will hold a marriage together. \n \nI'm not really complaining about everyone suggesting divorce; I have a feeling most haven't been married, had a marriage end badly, or haven't yet hit the point of having major problems. I'm just amazed at how easy it is for people as a whole to say \"Get a divorce.\" \n \n**ANOTHER EDIT:** If it makes a difference, my wife and I come from severely broken homes. Not really going to get into it, but I grew up with an alcoholic father, parents divorced at 16, occasional abuse. My wife had it worse, with a horribly alcoholic mother, who disappeared for 10 years of her life. She was always lied to about who was her real parents. Raised by her grandparents, she was abused in many ways, but that's the most detail I'll go into about it. ", "answer": "I know this is not a sexy answer, but if you are both willing, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. You have a lot to work through with the affair and the distance between you two. Therapists certainly aren't magical but they can help if both of you are willing to do the work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dp6mg", "comment_id": "dp6mg"}, {"question": "On space and notice", "description": "Five months ago, my girlfriend and I (young professionals) moved into a one-bedroom apartment together. We live about 3 hours away from her family, and further than that from mine. A couple of weeks back, her mom, kid brother, and german shepherd visited and stayed with us. They gave us plenty of notice. We made sure the place was clean and everyone had space to sleep, and everything was cool.\n\nYesterday, out of the blue, her mom called and said she was in town and asked if she could stay the night. My girlfriend then deferred to me and said it was my call. I felt this put me in a bad position, but I said it was ok and didn't object. I then slept on the couch while she and her mom shared the bed. \n\nI am frustrated because had it been my family, my response would have been that, absent emergency, they do not get to do that without notice, and that I would help make hotel or other arrangements, but I would not have put my SO in that position.\n\nThis isn't that a big of a deal, but the absence of what I consider a common courtesy on both my girlfriend and her mother's part is frustrating to me. Further, I'm not sure how to address this without being the bad guy, because they both seem to think this is completely normal and acceptable. Maybe I am the bad guy for being bothered by this and I need to just move on. Any advice is much appreciated.", "answer": "Notice is always polite. Beyond that, you still had a choice. You could have said no. Always err on the side of generosity; your relationships will last longer.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61rva6", "comment_id": "61rva6"}, {"question": "Had 2 months yesterday", "description": "and today is super rough. the only reason im not drinking or buying benzos today is because i'll lose everything if i do. just super negative and wanting to say fuck it so bad. but im not gonna. its usually not like this, but when it is its fucking rough. eitherway, im not going to drink tonight, for whatever the reason. tomorrow will be better though. just gotta make it through tonight.", "answer": "keep posting here, I'll be up all night if it keeps you sober for another day.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a95e1", "comment_id": "1a95e1"}, {"question": "How to find out if I (25,m) am still in love with her (23,f)", "description": "Hey everyone, since some time my feelings for my girlfriend of ~2 years are getting weaker. I assume it could be because I started working >40hours about a year ago. We dont live together, so we only see each other on our date nights, and with my different sports and spending time with my flatmates I would say we met on average 1-2 times a week in the last year. Could this be the reason my feelings towards her are diminishing? \n\nBecause of this we're taking a break of one week and my feelings are going like a rollercoaster, yesterday morning I felt super anxious because of the thought of not being with her anymore, but when I came home and watched some sports with my flatmates, afterwards I was not so sure anymore. I dont know what I should do.\n\nShe is an extraordinary girl and if I could rekindle the love I had in the beginning I would absolutely love to do so, but I dont know if can manage that. I dont want to give her false hope and then end it some months later. Is there any way to be sure?\n\nAny advice would be greatly appreciated!", "answer": "long term relationships go through ups and downs. look at the big picture. if the rel. is loving, solid, stable and she's terrific, then hang in there. keep talking and see a counselor if necessary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdl6", "comment_id": "5ssdl6"}, {"question": "Student says he is mentally ill and talks about unusual things, I obliged. Should I do this?", "description": "I'm an online English instructor. Each class with me lasts for 25 minutes. \n\n\nMy student comes on, a thirty something guy with a seemingly jolly vibe. But when I asked him how he was, he told me that nothing much changed (it's our second class) and that he's still alone and mentally ill. He chuckled after telling me this. I was a little worried but I didn't let it show. I had less than an hour with him in a speaking class. I'll let him express himself more. I wasn't sure if I heard him right.\n\n\nHe chose the topic \"future\" from a list. I asked him about his plans in the near future and with a few more chuckles he told me he doesn't have much plans because he wants to resign from his job and live off his savings. I'm panicking inside but I let him elaborate. I can't recall what he said though, sorry. I didn't advise him not to nor did I egg him on, I just asked him to tell me more about that. He clarified that he knows it won't happen so he'd have to continue. \n\n\n\nThe questions are from another list so I ask him about the next: plans for the next 4 years. He said he had none because he wants to die (still chuckling about it as if he was kidding). I still didn't tell him what to do about it and linked it to a related question in the link. \n\n\n\nThe conversation went from there to some conspiracies he believed (like N.Korea planning to nuke the world to solve overpopulation, he said he wasn't sure though), to dreams from his youth (he wanted to be a biotech expert to save starving populations but he wasn't good at math so he gave up. I told him I was similar: wanted to be an astronomer/astronaut but was bad at math and science. It made him laugh! The he said wistfully, \"Why didn't god give us those talents...(despite good intentions)?\"). \n\n\n\nLater on, the talk went to aliens, supernatural stuff, robots and a possible future where robots could take over the world in approximately 80 years (he cited a source!). Every turn, I met him with open-ended questions and shared my love for all these \"weird\" things. At some point he tells me he has met an alien who claimed to be an angel and that was one thing that made him mentally ill today (his words).\n\n\n\nI'm worried that I did the wrong thing by indulging his topics and beliefs. I probably had too much fun and he seemed genuinely happy. The next time he comes in, should I be more serious about this? \n\nedit: He didn't clarify his condition and I didn't ask. I'm not trying to single him out, I think he's great to speak with buy yes, I have no idea if there's something I should know about how I was to him.", "answer": "Psychiatrist here. I don't think you'll do harm by indulging anyone (after all, you don't know if he has mental health problems or not), but essentially it's not your problem. Have you had any child protection training? Just keep your professional boundaries and stick to common sense when managing him - advice to speak to someone if he causes concern or contact emergency services if there's a suspicion of significant harm to self or others.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "66w3tn", "comment_id": "66w3tn"}, {"question": "How to be a womans casual friend (x-post from dating_advice", "description": "I have met women lately in coffee shops, and in each case before they left they gave me some option to keep in touch, like facebook or a business card with their number on it. I am guessing that in 99% the subtext is obvious that they are interested in me sexually, if not immediately than maybe after a few more dates. Is this assumption correct?\n\nSecondly, I do not feel attracted to them in that way. So I'm wondering, if the assumption is not correct, and I would not be leading them on, can we just be friends? And how should I go about transmitting and implying that is what I want?\n\nI really enjoy the company of women more than men. They are typically more mature and wise. But for me as a man I can't really be friends with them, because the whole situation is seen in a sexual context to begin with. Except I guess with girls that aren't attracted to me... but even then I think the assumption in their mind is that I'm trying to hit on them.\n\nP.S.\nI honestly don't believe in the \"friendzone\" thing. I think if they are attracted they will remain attracted (unless I do something gross etc but then they wont want anything to do with me). People that think they have been \"friendzoned\" were always heading that way since the moment they met. Because the girl didn't find them attractive.\n\nHope you can answer my questions above.", "answer": "Your assumption is incorrect -- just because a woman gives you her contact information doesn't mean that she's interested in you sexually. If she's interested in you sexually or romantically, she will give other signals (flirtatious touch, telling you she's interested, etc).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "36k2o5", "comment_id": "36k2o5"}, {"question": "I am SO proud of myself", "description": "I got my 3 assignment marks back from uni. All A's. My grandma took me out for lunch and got me a new bag. She was so proud of me too. My medication helped a lot. This is coming from someone who thought they'd never ever excel in anything. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnd for all of you guys, whether you're achieving or not, I'm proud of you too. Keep it up!", "answer": "I love your grandma. She gets it. The struggle. The guilt and shame. Give her a cuddle for me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmewt4", "comment_id": "bmewt4"}, {"question": "Im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh I think I\u2019m a little bit ADHD too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "So many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.\n\nIt just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that ADHD is the reason things I sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.\n\nIt seems that since people without ADHD always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of ADHD\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little ADHD\u201d \n\nAnd if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about ADHD or something. \n\nTL:DR\n\nPeople tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little ADHD\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "I\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. I think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive. \n\nThe way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me I had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until I was about 22), was that I thought different from other people. That whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and I internalized that as being special. \n\nNow my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, I didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated as a personal failure (high IQ= if I had really tried the result would have been better). And then I almost felt like I was cheating when I got on medication at 22 because I felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field). But I still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow MORE than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc). \n\nFor me it\u2019s like.... okay so I suffer from migraines, but I don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/I have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. They\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump. \n\nI don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how I stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "84lj4b"}, {"question": "My sponsee took her own life and I didn\u2019t see it coming.", "description": "* edit:* thank you so much for all the stories, advice and words of wisdom. It really has helped me during this tough time. I went to the service today and I was able to speak and meet all of her family and friends. They also felt the guilt that I felt. I knew her barely one year and they knew her for 35 years. I felt like I was a drop in her bucket of life but I was a good drop. A positive one. I am going to take a break from sponsees and focus on myself. I love you guys. For real. \ud83d\udd3a\u2764\ufe0f\n\n\nThis is hard. I feel guilty. I know it\u2019s not my fault but I\u2019ve been sober 5 years and this is my first sponsee that I was close to and she took her own life.\n\nShe called me the day she did it but I was at work and asked her if she was okay and if I could call her back. She said she was okay and it was just a crazy day. She just wanted my advice on something. I forgot to call her back. I regret that so much right now.\n\nI know I can\u2019t save anyone. I\u2019m not God. But I feel like shit for not seeing it or expecting it. \n\nShe was finishing her steps. We were going over 11 & 12. She had 7 months sober. She was older than me and had tried this AA thing many times. She had tried to off herself twice before I met her. \n\nShe seemed like she was doing so well.. maybe that\u2019s what should\u2019ve tipped me off. I\u2019m just mad and sad and confused and upset. The service is Friday. I feel like it\u2019s so far away. Idk I\u2019m just posting to see if anyone else has been through this. \n\nIt has been making me scared to get close to a sponsee again. I know this is irrational. I know it wasn\u2019t my fault. I know I won\u2019t understand. I know she was dealing with feelings of failure. I know she was scared to live. \n\nThis is not the full story but it\u2019s a summary. \n\n\nTLDR: My sponsee committed suicide and I feel like shit. I didn\u2019t see it coming.", "answer": "I haven't been through the exact same thing as you but I have lost one sponsee to overdose and a friend in the program to suicide (who had multiple years of sobriety). I felt numb and in shock, then guilty, sad, ashamed, angry.... The whole range is normal I think. I took a break from sponsoring for a bit after the sponsee's death. It's ok to take the time you need to process and feel whatever comes up. Take good care of yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ds22j3", "comment_id": "ds22j3"}, {"question": "Adult ADHD first appointment Monday", "description": "Did that title rhyme? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBig thanks to this subreddit I've found so many helpful techniques and ways to prevent my ADHD of getting the best of me. reading about everybody's stories has help me prevent things before happening and i find myself giving my ADHD the middle finger more lately and it feels good.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nGoing to a appointment with a LMHC, \n\nWhat i expect out of my appointment \n\n\u00ba Getting diagnosed \n\n\u00ba Coping mechanisms for anxiety and sometimes i get depressed.\n\n\u00ba Figure more about whats going on.. sounds dumb BUT my brain is my norm. Am I a typical brain or whats going on. What if i think im normal but what if my self-assessment is really bad. Am I normal or a psycho-path (i don't think im a psycho-path thats just a example) \n\n\u00ba Homework or reference me to a more qualified specialist \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've always stayed away from doctors and therapist mainly because my parents never trusted doctors and pass that mentality onto me. STAY AWAY FROM THEM DAMN PILL PUSHERS lol.... \n\nI am somewhat skeptical of seeing a counselor, I am excited but at the same time what are you going to do.. ask a whole bunch of questions i dont have the answers for? A lot of helpful information on CBT is online \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "The first appointment is usually an intake appointment, where they gather information to use for your treatment. Depending on the therapist, they may feel competent to treat ADHD or not. I know I sought out a specialist for ADHD treatment when I first started going to therapy.\n\nResearch has shown that the active ingredient in therapy is the relationship between client and counselor, not so much the actual techniques used. You might be able to find CBT stuff on the internet but the advantage of going to see a therapist is that the handouts will be tailored to your needs.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajvhl5", "comment_id": "ajvhl5"}, {"question": "The on again off again binge drinker", "description": "Hello all, 27 M here.\n\nI just discovered this sub reddit today and I'm hoping this community could be what I need. I don't have the support from any person to truly help.\n\nI have the parents that say \"Stop drinking\"... yea, big help. The Girlfriend who says \"We'll do it together\"....and doesn't follow through. The best friend and brother who say \"I need to quit already\"... and show up to my place with beers for the game.\n\nI've felt I've always had a strong will power but maybe not since I have been able to stop in the past but then fall back down. \n\nI decided I was going to be the forerunner for everyone. Quit smoking and drinking COLD TURKEY for 2 months. Everyone said if I could do it for a month they would join my quest. After 2 months and no support I lost hope and came back down to their level. It was disheartening that my efforts went unnoticed and I was truly alone on it. Slight depression hit and I gave in.\n\nI'm not an everyday drinker but if there is a big sports game to watch, some big event (concert), party, or even just going to the bar on the weekend I binge drink. Which pretty much turns into every other night of drinking. $100+ tabs a night every time. *(I don't want to turn that number into a pissing contest.)*\n\nI've come to the point I'm living week to week on paychecks. When I was once comfortable with finances. I know the AMAZING FEELING it is to be sober. I miss it. I want it. I'm having trouble getting it back.\n\nThere seems to be no middle ground with me when it comes to drinking. I agree with the expression \"Everything in moderation.\" but this is one thing I cannot do moderately. It's always over the top. Once I start it continues in my lifestyle.\n\nIt's not easy to do. Especially when all my friends use drinking as a focal point to going out and being social. I've gone out while sober with them for extended periods of time. I found I was out of the loop and not enjoying myself as much as everyone else. As sad as that is to say. I don't need booze to enjoy everything, it's that aspect of the lifestyle of going to bars to hang with friends. I'm also not going to stop being friends with them over it. They are great people.\n\nSo I became a shut-in when not drinking. It became easier to avoid any temptation of drinking but it kills my social life. It also hurts my relationship with my girlfriend when she wants to get out, but I know what that turns into.\n\nIt's either a \"ALL OR NOTHING\" type of situation for me. \n\nI've done it before. I can do it again. This time I just need to find how I can deal with being able to be social with all these drinkers without partaking in the drinking myself...and keep it up. Maybe even try to figure out how to moderate my drinking while being social but I just don't know how or know if I want to at all.\n\n**I'd greatly appreciate anyone's advice, opinion, and experiences with this.**\n\nThank you for taking the time to read this.\n\n\nThis sub reddit shouldn't use these but I'll give it anyways.\n\nTL;DR : I have the ability to quit, done it, yet failed on and off many times. Looking for ways to stay sober and socially active without the booze with heavy drinking friends.", "answer": "I think the biggest problem among binge drinkers trying to get sober is when they get some sobriety under their belt and reward themselves with a drink starting yet another binge. I started as a binger before becoming a daily drinker and I know exactly how you feel. I think what's important is to have an idea of what you want. Do you want to take an extended leave before coming back, do you want to quit drink entirely? \n\nI personally would recommend complete abstinence. Most of us alcoholics have found that no matter how long we stay sober if we go back it becomes just as bad as it was when we stopped before. \n\nYou definitely have one of the key markers of an alcoholic binge drinker in the no ability to moderate statement, so if I were you I'd look into some of the support groups for alcohol, those being AA, SMART, LifeRing, etc. \n\nLastly, if you do get involved with one of those groups or are thinking about, but unsure post here and we can offer you our experiences. \n\nGood luck and I hope to see you around.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq7hf", "comment_id": "1fq7hf"}, {"question": "I'm secretly glad that my dad is having a hard time finding another job.", "description": "My dad worked IT for this company for the past 11 years. He got laid off back in May when his employers outsourced his entire department to another company. It's now September and he still hasn't found a new job. \n\nOn one hand, I'm obviously hoping he'll find a new job soon, since I'm living at home right now (I'm in college) and also can't find work (I've had trouble with this pretty much since I was of legal age to work).\n\nOn the other hand, I'm fucking glad that he can finally see what a shit job market it is out there.\n\nSo, how does it feel, Dad? Can I give you disapproving looks too whenever the topic of finding a job comes up? It's not so easy these days is it? Maybe we can both feel like useless assholes now, since everybody else in the house is employed but us.", "answer": "Hehe. I like it. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2ftu23", "comment_id": "2ftu23"}, {"question": "Does being admitted into a psychiatric hospital prevent me from becoming an Expressive Arts Therapist in the future?", "description": "Update: I called the licensing board and they said being inpatient is not a problem as long as I pass the psychological evaluation and do not have a criminal record! Thank you for everyone who responded!\n\nSo long story short, I learned the hard way that PTSD and depression left untreated can result in acute psychosis, and was hospitalized last year. Since being hospitalized, I've been taking medication, and working very hard to be stable. In addition to having a psychiatrist for medication, I also have a therapist who is a licensed social worker and has a background in art, music, and play therapy. I feel that using expressive art therapy is the biggest reason I've made such great progress this past year. It enabled me to communicate thoughts and feelings I previously was unable to express.\n\nThat's why I would like to become an expressive arts therapist. I would love the opportunity to help others understand their mental health and help others heal by being creative. As I was researching the educational requirements, I came across a site that said you will have your medical history evaluated. While I know there are people with a career in mental health who also have mental illness themselves, I'm not sure if previously being inpatient would be a problem. It would be a shame to go through 8-10 years of school, just to find out I wouldn't be able to make a career of it. My therapist doesn't know, so I have no idea who I can ask.", "answer": "It can depend. I have been through extensive psychiatric care and I am also now a clinician. Lived experience is valuable in mental health and allows you to empathize in ways other clinicians cannot. However, while you are in school it is critical that you are doing your own therapy and using your therapist and not your classes as a way to heal. Separation of your education and your career from your treatment helps establish those healthy boundaries early.\n\nI can say that I would never apply for a position in a practice or hospital I received treatment from and I seriously doubt they would hire me because of my treatment history. I would gain access to information that could be damaging to me. But recovery is possible and helping others while in recovery is absolutely something that can be done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eage3a", "comment_id": "eage3a"}, {"question": "How long unto therapy before you feel better?", "description": "I've been going to therapy for about a month now and I still suffer from the same anxiety and depression and there seems to be no relief in sight. How long into therapy do people usually go before they start feeling better?", "answer": "Therapist here. This probably isn't the answer you're looking for but I feel being honest is the best. Some people go their whole life attending therapy. Others maybe a year. The point it that it varies from person to person. What I can say with more certainty though is that it will take longer than a few months. The fact that you attend therapy is a big step and don't overlook that. Just keep going, be as honest as you can, and wait for the therapy to take. Unfortunately therapy is a process that is difficult to speed up in this drive-through society. Just try to relax and remember that by being there you are helping yourself. Little by little. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3zqh6w", "comment_id": "3zqh6w"}, {"question": "I'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "She is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. I don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. If it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). Have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them. if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate. otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "5tao73"}, {"question": "[17/M] I've Been Dating My Girlfriend [17/F] for 5 Months and Haven't Even Kissed Her", "description": "I've been dating my girlfriend since summer started. She's actually my first since I'm the most nervous guy on the planet. It's been many months now and all I've gotten to is hugging her! I've gone on walks with her, gone to the movies with her, gone to dances with her, but I haven't even held her hand, let alone kissed her! I can also feel that she is also getting frustrated that I'm not escalating our relationship further.\n\nReddit, help me! What do I do?", "answer": "Once you do it once it will get easier and more natural.... So, just do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1sclpq", "comment_id": "1sclpq"}, {"question": "Chances of being pregnant?", "description": "So I and my boyfriend were fooling around yesterday, when he touched me down there. He had ejaculated in his hand prior to that, but I told him to wash his hands, and he did - he washed them with soap and water, and wiped them as well. Also, if it helps, he did not insert his fingers in me at all. But he is not convinced that we're safe from an accidental pregnancy.\n\nGiven this situation, is there actually a risk of me getting pregnant? \n\nP.S. My period just finished the day before yesterday (i.e. My period lasts 7 days, and yesterday technically would count as the 8th day)", "answer": "Pregnancy is extremely unlikely in this situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5132oy", "comment_id": "5132oy"}, {"question": "Would anyone listen to a podcast about bpd?", "description": "I'm a total podcast addict. I've had so much entertainment and learned so much from various podcasts. I was wondering if anyone had done the same with bpd, but I could only find two of them and they're no longer live.\n\nIf I put together a podcast showcasing bpd, would anyone listen? I was considering answering listener questions, featuring a different symptom each episode with expert interviews and maybe therapeutic solutions for them, and maybe reading a listener poem/diary entry each episode.\n\nIdk, just something I thought of. I know a lot of people have benefited from this forum and I feel like a podcast might organize things better. Plus it might reach a larger audience. Anyway, let me know what you guys think\n\nEdit: Wow! What an awesome response! I'll start a website and researching topics right away. Would anyone like to create a logo? I'm not very creative in that aspect", "answer": "I'd be interested in helping out somehow. I've always wanted to do one myself but don't have the slightest clue how to. I am in the professional field as well if that makes any difference! The stigma would def be a good topic as well to cover", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6cuw6u", "comment_id": "6cuw6u"}, {"question": "Got appendix removed today.", "description": "20Male\n\nYesterday I went into the Er and they told me I had very early appendicitis and that I would have surgery to get it removed the next day. After about 5 hours I was feeling healthy enough and showing good progress that they sent me home. \n\nQuestions I have\n\n-Is it normal to feel bloated after the surgery. I\u2019m still feeling bloated. \n-I am frequently peeing is that normal. \n-I feel like I have the mobility of a pregnant lady. \n\nFeel free to provide any sort of tips or insight that can help me out during my recovery. \nThanks I\u2019m advance ", "answer": "If you left so quickly I'm assuming it was laparoscopic. To have space to work in they pump CO2, and until it absorbs you actually can be bloated. You also urinate a lot from the fluids given intravenously during surgery. It's unpleasant, but it should get better over the next few days. Surgeons often understate discomfort and overstate speed of recovery, but you'll get better daily. The first day after surgery can be worse than the day of, though, just as warning. Your body has time to mobilize its inflammatory response to the holes poked in you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mee2b", "comment_id": "8mee2b"}, {"question": "Need to be helpful", "description": "Hey, r/stopdrinking. I'm trying to take some advice from my sponsor and someone in my network and be helpful to others tonight. That being said, if you would find it helpful to talk to someone in their early to mid twenties with six months of sobriety, then feel free to PM me and we can figure out the best way to accomplish that. If not, please have a great (sober) night. Thanks for reading.", "answer": "My bad it's late I completely misread that.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1j4wzj", "comment_id": "1j4wzj"}, {"question": "It's been over 6 months since I [26m] got dumped by my ex [25f] and I still can't get her out of my head, what should I do?", "description": "We were together for about a year and 4 months and I was about to move closer to her. We had a really bad breakup, mostly with me not knowing how do deal with these emotions until it got to the point where she just refused to talk to me. I called her twice asking her to reconsider and thought we agreed to wait until after her finals so we can reevaluate the situation, but after a month I texted her and she responded with \"don't reach out to me again\".\n\nThe first few weeks after the breakup I was a mess, even had the police here a few times cause my friends were worried about me. I can't blame them for it, but I don't think it was needed.\n\nFast forward a few months, and I still struggle ever day not to contact her (haven't reached out to her since late December when she said not to contact her again) and I just don't know how much longer I can stay sane with this pain. Most of my friends are getting tired of dealing me with and I honestly cant blame them... I wasn't to be with her more than anything in the world, and I'd do anything to make this pain go away. I've tried seeing a therapist and even tried many different ones, but that wasn't helping. I met new people and made awesome new friends but I don't know how much longer I can keep hiding this depression from everyone. \n\nHow do I open a discussion with her again? How do I fix this and not let the person I love destroy me emotionally... How do I become my old cheerful self again so I can meet someone new? I'm lost, confused, hurt and just don't know what to do with my life anymore", "answer": "My suggestion would be therapy, and progress in therapy can take time. Why haven't you stuck with a therapist? Working through this will take time and effort on your part, focusing on yourself and not her. \n\nA therapist may suggest exploring antidepressants which can be a short term option to help get you through this time. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69p31i", "comment_id": "69p31i"}, {"question": "How to support/celebrate boyfriend's anniversary", "description": "Hi All,\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy boyfriend's 14 year anniversary is this week. AA is incredibly important to him, and a huge part of his life, and of course he's very important to me and a huge part of my life. I want to make sure I'm celebrating/congratulating/acknowledging him appropriately on this day. What is appropriate etiquette for someone like me, who is not in AA, but who is dating someone who is?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks so much.", "answer": "I don\u2019t know how he would feel about it, but how about talking with his sponsor and surprising him with presenting his medallion to him? Not sure how you would feel about it either, but just a thought!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "c4vv28", "comment_id": "c4vv28"}, {"question": "Are therapists really \"nonjudgemental\"?", "description": "I read everywhere that therapists are nonjudgemental but it sounds emotionnaly impossible to me. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say therapists are \"postjudgemental\"? Or \"tries as much as possible to bury their judgment\"?", "answer": "The worry that a therapist will judge someone always surprises me . I'm sure it can happen , but in my opinion, is low on the list of potential problems. \n\nFirst, remember that psychologists are specifically trained to look at problems differently than non trained people, which means a completely different lens. Judging is not part of the job.\n\nNext, remember that a psychologist trained in your specific problem has heard it all before. It has been a long time since anyone has shocked me . The thing you fear judgment over , that brings you a sense of shame, is going to be experienced very differently by a person who has dealt with it many times before. \n\nI definitely feel stuck when patients lie to me, but i don't judge them for it , I just can't help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hguvg7", "comment_id": "hguvg7"}, {"question": "What did I do to deserve this disorder?", "description": "Why is it, that out of all the people, I am the one suffering from this mental disorder. I am so broken that dating, studying and work all seem too much for me - like I don't matter to society. But the worst thing is that I will carry the emotional abuse with me for the rest or my life. Whether I am twenty, fifty or eighty years old, I will never be able to shed those memories. Fuck I want to be normal.", "answer": "Radical acceptance ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5xmeg9", "comment_id": "5xmeg9"}] \ No newline at end of file