Avoid a spurious deprecation warning for database URLs

This is all about the case where we have a `DATABASE_URL`, and we have a
`database.yml` present, but the latter doesn't contain the key we're
looking for.

If the key is a symbol, we'll always connect to `DATABASE_URL`, per the
new behaviour in 283a2edec2f8ccdf90fb58025608f02a63948fa0.

If the key is a string, on the other hand, it should always be a URL:
the ability to specify a name not present in `database.yml` is new in
this version of Rails, and that ability does not stretch to the
deprecated use of a string in place of a symbol.

Uncovered by @guilleiguaran while investigating #14495 -- this actually
may be related to the original report, but we don't have enough info to
confirm.
Avoid including DB details in exception messages

The keys are quite sufficient; we shouldn't be throwing passwords
around.