Convert controllers/*.coffee to JS

It's not the cleanest job, honestly.  I pretty much fed them into the CoffeeScript compiler and did some minor cleanup to make it a bit better, but I left most of the loops' bloatshit from CoffeeScript intact.

I copied most of the whitespace gaps from the CoffeeScript, along with the comments, so that stuff remains intact.  The compiler loses all that stuff, sadly.

While switching to JS really made the code infinitely uglier, I think this is probably a good thing in the long run: it wasn't actually any cleaner in CoffeeScript, the pretty syntax just hid the fact that it was such a mess.

Also, I strongly recommend testing this thoroughly: some of my cleanup could have unexpected side effects (especially the first couple commits, which I translated by hand)

EDIT: I should... probably squash commits in a rebase.  Enjoy the split-into-specific-commits for now, I'll do that later