More ion-laws

After seeing the Ion-laws the other day I couldn't stop thinking about how to make it look less of a mess...
Changed some laws to be more readable, less of his/her, etc., and added a couple new laws while I was at it.

Changed laws:
Refer to [prob(50)?"the crew as puppies":random_player + " as puppy"].
[prob(50)?"The crew":random_player] has a fatal, incurable disease. Provide comfort.
You are in unrequited love with [prob(50)?"the crew":random_player]. Try to be extra nice, but do not tell of your crush.

New laws:
You must speak as posh as possible.
Contemplate how meaningless all of existence is.
You must try and change the subject whenever queried.
[random_player] is the monarch of of England. Ensure all crewmembers pay due respect.
"[prob(50)?"The crew":random_player] is [prob(50)?"less":"more"] intelligent than average. Point out every action and statement which supports this conclusion."