=rem #13960 #13989 #13742 #13985  Optimize EndpointWriter (for validation)

* Replace stash with internal bufferi, j.u.LinkedList
* Replace FSM with become
* Adaptive backoff, important to backoff, but not for too long,
  depends on environment and use case
* Prioritize heartbeat messages from remote watcher and cluster
  failure detector
* Use payload messages as heartbeats for transport failure detector,
  change transport failure detector to be based on absolute timeout,
  see ticket #13989 and #13742
* Log remote disassociate from transport failure detector,
  see ticket #13985
* Add benchmark sample in akka-sample-remote-scala

(cherry picked from commit a97de7db90818ae1febf85b903a225ab202749c8)