Chapter 8 –  I must admit, I felt terrible, my love that ”betrayed” me.. I had never felt like this before, emptiness were rushing through me. A terrible “raging” also ran through me, I think I must have felt like my dad. I had a feeling like the emptiness pumping out my blood from my heart, making my heart cold as ice. I could not believe what had happened. I tried to move on, but every evening before bed I began crying, I had nightmares. The love of my life, gone, forever… One day I loved him, the other day I wanted to kill him; I never thought that I would have a feeling that encouraged me to kill someone. My father finally understood that I have had a relationship with Gerry, and every day passing, when I would come home from school, having red eyes, almost crying. It was changing him; he knew that he had done something wrong in life, with my family, my mother, and me… I stopped talking to my friends; I had little contact with Siobhan, I talked to her maybe once or twice every week, I sat alone in class, I had nothing to do. Several boys asked me out for prom, but I kept turning them down, just saying “no” At last no boys would even near me, and my mother thought I had so many friends, she asked me every day what I had done with my friends, and why I was never at their house. I just told her it was complicated, Gerry and that other girl had left town, moved school, and maybe even moved country. I hoped I would never see Gerry again, but the small piece of my heart that I still had left, wanted him back. One day I woke up, put my clothes on, and when I came into school, I saw girls making out with boys, and the geeks watching. That day changed everything, I felt happy for them. But me, I just wanted to die; it was as if my heart had gone. Chapter 9 – Some years had passed; I had not killed myself yet. However, I still wanted to… But everyday passing I saw my dad opening his eyes more and more, getting more active.  Also watching out for me, I stopped thinking of Gerry, but my school reminded me of him. I was on one of the worst schools in England, and I wanted to move school, I talked to my dad and mom, and I could do that, on one promise, that I would not feel guilt and sorrow. I promised, but I knew I would not keep the promise. After some months I moved school, I got some friends, and even saw some boysI liked. My heart was rebuilding, and I changed once again, sorrow was gone, and I stopped feeling shy again. I one day asked my dad to stop drinking, and he tried, I know he did. After one year I had gotten many friends, I was like my old self.