Corrections and comments for Nagi eps 1-2

Ianu comments are marked with {##}

Summary:

Ep1
- fixed one typo
- edited one line for syntax/usage reasons
- added one comma to set off a parenthetical phrase
- replaced predomninantly BrE "no-one" with "no one"

Ep2
- replaced predomninantly BrE "no-one" with "no one"
- American punctuation style introduced to two lines; since they're more or less quoting single katakana or hiragana characters except in English, I think, you could make a case for this being an exception for stylistic reasons, though