Brian's linear and logistic regressions

Here I attempt both types of regressions, but I think a linear regression may have more to offer me.

What I want to do is demonstrate a pattern of behavior whereby UFO's are spying on military installations by disguising themselves as weather balloons or swamp gas.
I suspect you're being facetious, but just in case you're not, I'll mention that the distance to a library and the distance to a mall is mostly just "distance to the nearest town".