Fixing pre-allocation for node-to-node constraints refs #4230

Node-to-node constraints were not augmenting the sparsity patterns, thus
causing memory re-allocations in the matrix.
guard jacobian adds for reallocation refs #4230
Guarding against adding more non-zeroes than it is the size of the problem

Refs #4230
make the nonzero reallocation error an option in [Problem] and use it to make the mortar tests pass for now refs #4230 #4275
Merge pull request #4336 from andrsd/realloc_4230

Pre-allocation fixes