Add assertions to no-assertions tests in phabricator/

Summary: Ref T4570. Add trivial assertions to tests which fail-by-exploding so we can fail tests with no assertions.

Test Plan: Ran `arc unit --everything` with Arcanist patched to fail with no assertions.

Reviewers: leebyron, btrahan

Reviewed By: btrahan

CC: aran

Maniphest Tasks: T4570

Differential Revision: https://secure.phabricator.com/D8436