Local events feed (Happenings)

Resubmitting after review
Generally speaking, there's way too much logic going into this parser. Take a look at Dan V's implementation for some suggestions on much more terse versions. They're not fully abstracted, but they are much easier to understand overall.

One thing that's contributing to the confusion is the number of parsers and the fact that they leverage descendency to get their job done. This seems like way too much abstraction for a relatively quick and dirty task.