SOOTHE THAT BURN

# TODO

* [ ] tune rubocop settings to be more to my taste
* [ ] fix all the code style violations
* [ ] merge the PR into the hound-it-up branch
* [ ] squash that branch
* [ ] merge that one into master, and then have code style violation comments going forward
Prefer double-quoted strings unless you need single quotes to avoid extra backslashes for escaping.