[SPARK-3085] [SQL] Use compact data structures in SQL joins

This reuses the CompactBuffer from Spark Core to save memory and pointer
dereferences. I also tried AppendOnlyMap instead of java.util.HashMap
but unfortunately that slows things down because it seems to do more
equals() calls and the equals on GenericRow, and especially JoinedRow,
is pretty expensive.
We aren't actually using AppendOnlyMap though right?