@garthwebb it's simpler than that, I've been doing a lot of Python/JS and no PHP for a while so I've overlooked the following small abomination:

Python:
```python
x = None

x['foo'] = 'bar' # Exception
```

JS
```javascript
var x = null

x['foo'] = 4; // Exception
```
PHP
```php
$x = null
$x['foo'] = 'bar' // works O_o
```

:)

*** throws smokebomb and vanishes ***