destroys association records before saving/inserting new association records

This is a backport of #10417

fixes bug introduced by  #3329
These are the conditions necessary to reproduce the bug:
- For an association, autosave => true.
- An association record is being destroyed
- A new association record is being created.
- There is a unique index one of the association's fields.
- The record being created has the same value as the record being
destroyed on the indexed field.

Before, the deletion of records was postponed until after all
insertions/saves.  Therefore the new record with the identical value in
the indexed field caused a non-unique value error to be thrown at the
database
level.

With this fix, the deletions happen first, before the insertions/saves.
Therefore the record with the duplicate value is gone from the database
before the new record is created, thereby avoiding the non-uniuqe value
error.