Fix bug 936452: Add static maintenance page

The only intention here is to keep these files under revision control.
Getting them served up will always require additional work.

---

A few notes:

* The code duplication here really kills me (especially the Google Analytics stuff) but it is a static page. Thoughts on refactoring Google Analytics or somehow automating the creation of this page--including whether it would be worth the effort--are more than welcome.
* I tried to keep the page as [simple](http://www.usabilitypost.com/2010/02/07/the-laws-of-simplicity/) as possible, so I left the TumblBeasts out. I can add them in if anyone feels strongly about it.