Jarfiles, it turns out, are not actually ruby.

At least, not in the eyes of jbung^Hdler.
Back off to jruby 1.6.5 to match hbase.

If we're willing to accept ruby 1.8.7, this is by far the easiest way to get jruby into a coprocessor.

Walk away from nailgun and simple_cov; we may be able to get these back later.
Ditch jbundler, good heavens it is awful.

Just use maven instead to get jar deps.  Rig pom to just break out classpaths by scope into files in tmp.
Generate ruby classpath files in mvn task, fix tests.