Trying to get CiviCRM installed, php needs updating

Steps:
- Installed CiviCRM files
- Tried running
http://dev.bfi.local/sites/all/modules/civicrm/install/index.php
- Upped thread_stack
- Got notice of PHP needs updating.
- DLed new PHP cookbook, but apparently pdo and apc need to be PDO and
APC, due to some kind of case insensitivity
- but doing so throws even bigger errors.
- WTF.