# Talk:Penn State Nittany Lions women's soccer

https://wikispaces.psu.edu/display/PSUSportsMuseum/Women%27s+Soccer

This review is transcluded from Talk:Penn State Nittany Lions women's soccer/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 12:49, 14 July 2021 (UTC)

I'll take on this review, as part of the July 2021 Backlog Drive.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 12:49, 14 July 2021 (UTC)


### Lead
[The team is a member in the Big Ten Conference] --> The team is a member of the Big Ten Conference
[After being denied varsity status by the university in 1980 and 1981 the Penn State Women's Club Soccer filed...] --> After being denied varsity status by the university in 1980 and 1981 Penn State Women's Club Soccer filed...
[under Big Ten directive] I'm not sure what that means. Maybe "direction" or "supervision" instead of "directive"?
[Ali Krieger and Allie Long who have won a combined 2 FIFA Women's World Cup trophies] Sort of implies that they've won one each (for a combined total of two), but it looks like Krieger won two and Long won one. Could you rephrase to clarify?


### Founding
[to find their first victory] --> "to achieve their first victory"
"Postseason" is all one word.
[That season Penn State Women's Club Soccer was also able set up the United States' first women's indoor soccer tournament in which they, along with six teams from the East Coast region competed.] Slightly awkward punctuation and word ordering. How about, "That season Penn State Women's Club Soccer was also able set up the United States' first women's indoor soccer tournament, in which they competed along with six teams from the East Coast region."
[each remaining East Coast states] --> "each remaining East Coast state"
[The club went on to win eight matches and lose one] comma after this bit.


### Title IX
[After being denied varsity status by the university in 1980 and 1981] comma after this bit.
[the club teams complaint letter] Possessive apostrophe ("team's")
[denied to sign] --> "refused to sign"
[to compete in Eastern Association of Intercollegiate Athletics for Women Championship Tournament] --> "to compete in the Eastern..."
[oversight over of team operations] Superfluous "of".
[investigation would inevitably never be completed] I'm not sure sure "inevitably" is right for Wikipedia - it seems a bit POV.


### Club play
[The Nittany Lion club team] "Lions" plural.
[$5,500 (equivalent to $10,895 in 2020)] Citation needed for this calculation.
[During the run of the regular season] --> "During the course of the regular season"
[in final game] --> "in the final game"
Wikilink to All-America
The citation at the end of the second paragraph ("Lady booters place 3rd at NCCSA tournament") isn't loading up for me (I get the message, "Unavailable due to legal reasons"). This may just be restricted to the UK, though. If it's working for you in America, that's no problem.
[defeated Ohio State and Marquette whiling falling] Should be "while".
[while failing to advance to the semi-final round] I'd suggest replacing this "while" with "and" to avoid repetition.
[In the final tournament as a club team] --> "In their final tournament as a club team"
[participated in Ohio River Soccer Conference Tournament] --> "participated in the Ohio River Soccer Conference Tournament"


### Varsity play
[department adopted the women's soccer] Superfluous "the".
It looks like you're missing wikilink brackets with "Big Ten Conference|Big Ten".
[Penn State Women's Soccer Club] You referred to it as "Penn State Women's Club Soccer" previously.
[Farmer coming from NCAA Division III Ithaca College had won two division III National Championships and had been voted national coach of the year.] A couple of commas needed: "Farmer, coming from NCAA Division III Ithaca College, had won two division III National Championships and had been voted national coach of the year."
[received their first an at-large bid] Superfluous "an".
[the Nittany Lions faced the England women's national team at Wembley Stadium] Comma needed after this bit.
[a nationally televised match defeated the club 4–2] --> "a nationally televised match and defeated the club 4–2"
[and participating in the] --> "and participated in the"
[In Wilkins first season] Possessive apostrophe: "In Wilkins' first season"
[a vacancy in the Penn State head coaching position] --> "a vacancy at the Penn State head coaching position"
[On the path to the championship the Nittany Lions played 6 tournament matches defeated Duke, Rutgers, West Virginia, Ohio State, Boston University and Albany scoring 20 goals in all competitions.] --> "On the path to the championship the Nittany Lions played 6 tournament matches, defeating Duke, Rutgers, West Virginia, Ohio State, Boston University and Albany while scoring 20 goals in all competitions."
[was awarded with the Hermann Trophy] --> "was awarded the Hermann Trophy"


### Uniforms, crest and colors
[The Penn State wears...] --> "The Penn State women's team wears..."
[which is unique to their fellow athletic teams.] I think you mean that the crest is worn only by the women's team and no others. In that case, simply "unique to them" would be the clearest wording (currently, it sounds like the other athletic teams have the same crest).
[features the teams navy and white colors] Possessive apostrophe: "team's".
[vertical stripes a centered navy blue "block S"] Missing "and".
[the year the team becoming a varsity sport] --> "the year the team became a varsity sports program"
You use the word "short" where I'd say "shorts" three times while describing the uniforms. Perhaps this is a UK/USA difference?


### Stadium
You need a comma in 5,000.


### Yearly records
There's a couple of stray brackets just above the "Last updated" line.


### Summary
I couldn't find a similar article with GA status to compare this against, but the content and level of detail look fine to me. I'll await your response on the above points.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 21:15, 14 July 2021 (UTC)


### GA Review response
@User:Harper J. Cole Cleaned up the article and made all the suggested changes besides these three:
[$5,500 (equivalent to $10,895 in 2020)] Citation needed for this calculation.
This is a wiki-template, I can cite something if I need to but I wouldn't know what to cite.
The citation at the end of the second paragraph ("Lady booters place 3rd at NCCSA tournament") isn't loading up for me (I get the message, "Unavailable due to legal reasons"). This may just be restricted to the UK, though. If it's working for you in America, that's no problem.
Looks like they don't comply with EU privacy laws, but I can see the source just fine.
There's a couple of stray brackets just above the "Last updated" line.
Template does that, not exactly sure what to do if I should just add a citation instead.
Thanks again!
NoahRiffe (talk) 16:33, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Looking good! I think if the citations are working in the US, that should be fine. I'm not sure what to do about the stray brackets - maybe worth checking with the community, but it's a very small point so I'll promote the article to GA status. Thanks for the interesting read,--Harper J. Cole (talk) 17:16, 16 July 2021 (UTC)