# Talk:United States Pavilion

This review is transcluded from Talk:United States Pavilion/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 17:16, 25 August 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Urchincrawler (talk · contribs) 09:40, 24 February 2025 (UTC)

Well sourced, but had some writing errors with words to watch like "despite" and "although" in unnecessary places (see WP:OFCOURSE). I edited most of these out as I found them along with other minor errors. This may be picky, but "also" and "which" are used excessively and unnecessary places, sometimes in back to back sentences. While I corrected this a bit, there are still 26 instances of the word "also" (excluding references and see also). I recommend reducing the number of run on sentences as well.


#### Other minor areas for adjustment include:
"U.S. Commerce Secretary Luther H. Hodges appointed an advisory committee to pick out the theme, which was inspired by a quote from Archibald MacLeish, the Librarian of Congress."
What is this quote? It should be added to this section. (Apologies if I somehow missed it.)
I would replace the word "hemispherical" as well since a lay person may not be familiar with it. 
Lastly, it would be a good idea to add alt text to the images in the article for those using screen readers or if the image doesn't load. (See MOS:ALT )


#### Wrap up
Overall, I believe this article is worthy of good article status. Though there are minor issues, the readability does not significantly suffer. It is verifiable and broad in its coverage. It provides significant depth on its topic. I believe it meets WP:GACR6 standards, and I saw no quick fails.

Thanks for the review, I appreciate it. However, I do think there are some reasons that these words to watch should be used:
Sometimes, the alternate phrasing doesn't make sense. I saw that Despite the pavilion's prominent location and large size, it was initially unpopular among guests. was changed to The pavilion's prominent location and large size did not initially make it popular for guests.  The sentence was supposed to say that building was unpopular in spite of its size and location, not because of it (the connection is the inverse of what the source says.
I also think that removing "also" and other conjunctions may make the article a bit choppy.
As for run-on sentences - you probably mean long sentences, which I can fix, but all of these sentences are (to my knowledge) grammatically correct. As mentioned above, though, splitting these up could lead to short, choppy sentences. For example, The federal government was considering converting the building into a university library, linguistics library, job-training center, student exchange center, or training center for high school dropouts. Moses opposed the training center plan. The U.S. Department of Commerce estimated that demolition would cost $250,000. Javits placed the demolition cost at $2 million. doesn't really flow well.
I linked hemispherical, and added the MacLeish quote and alt text.
As a miscellaneous comment, I had to undo some of these edits. For example, Song of the Vowels is italicized because names of artworks should be italicized, while "Washington, D.C.," should be followed by a comma per MOS:GEOCOMMA. Epicgenius (talk) 14:36, 24 February 2025 (UTC)
Alrighty. The use of "also" repeatedly is a style preference anyways and it doesn't really change much. Sorry for the accidental comma delete. For future reference, please respond to reviews in replies rather than editing the review. I don't get notifications when a review comment is edited. Thanks, and congratulations again on passing GA review. Urchincrawler (talk) 17:34, 28 February 2025 (UTC)