# Talk:SS Vernon

This review is transcluded from Talk:SS Vernon/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 10:12, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments

It would be far more useful to link "freighter" than "American".
" on October 29, 1887 near Two Rivers, Wisconsin with" commas after 1887 and Wisconsin.
I'm surprised by the order of the lead.  I would imagine I'd learn a bit about its service before I learnt about its demise.
" of Detroit, Michigan. She was sold to Pridgeon as compensation" -> " of Detroit, Michigan, to whom she was sold as compensation"
Consider linking barge.
And "charter".
Probably only  needs three paras in the lead for an article of this size, maximum.
"Official number 161557" what is that?
"spared no expense" not enyclopedic.
" lounge. She cost" looks like these two sentences need to be merged.
I would add inflation to that figure too so we know what it means in the context of 2021.
What's a "draft" in this context?
"when compared narrow beam," I literally don't understand this.
" August 29, 1886 near " comma after year.
"in the Duluth - Port Arthur, Ontario" I'd expect an unspaced en-dash here.
What are " scow barges "?
" to Pridgeon on July 22, 1887, as Pridgeon " repetitive.
"; she was" -> "and was"
"Chicago, Illinois for Cheboygan, Michigan on" commas after the states.
"October 20, 1887 under" comma aftere 1887.
3:00 AM --> 3:00 a.m.  etc.
" Leeland, Michigan at" comma after Michigan.
"Vernon proceeded to leave Frankfort," -> "Vernon left Frankfort,"
Don't think you need to link common words like "potato".
" and general merchandise"->" and other general merchandise"
"she stopped at"->"where she stopped".
"The high death toll" no need for "high", that's self-evident.
"November 7" year?
In "Vernon today" section, Milwaukee and Two Rivers overlinked (twice).
Ref 10 should be pp. 7–8
Ref 23 should be pp. 10–11
Spaced hyphens in the sources should be spaced en-dashes per MOS.
That's it on a first review, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:28, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: All done. GreatLakesShips (talk) 14:37, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
You missed several aspects but I addressed them.  The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 16:39, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
@The Rambling Man: Sorry. Thank you for fixing them. GreatLakesShips (talk) 16:41, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
Ok, promoted.  Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 16:42, 6 March 2021 (UTC)