# Talk:Werner M. Moser

Rename this Wikipedia article to the full name of the subject, i.e., replace the initial 'M' with 'Max'. This is to make the page easier to find and wiki-link in other articles that use his full name. Thoughts on the proposed shift are welcome. Ajay Platinum (talk) 13:31, 18 October 2024 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Werner M. Moser/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: Ajay Platinum (talk · contribs) 13:55, 18 October 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Xarinu (talk · contribs) 06:40, 11 January 2025 (UTC)

@Ajay Platinum: Greetings! I will be reviewing this article as part of the January 2025 GAN backlog drive. I'll have a review of this article ready in a few hours or so.

@Ajay Platinum: Sorry for the delay! This is the initial review of your article, where it is compared against the six Good Article criteria.
First off:
This article is pretty good, but it does have a few problems. Refer to the "Verifiable" section, where a couple citations have been marked as problematic, and some other cite-related problems have been outlined. Please take care of these (and the points noted in the Well-Written section), and then the article may be passed.


### Verifiable
This article scored very well on Copyvio. Close to null chance of plagiarism in my opinion.
Citations
Considering its length, I would say that this article has plenty of citations, but it might be both more convenient to future expansion of the article and more beneficial to its overall quality to attempt to find a few more notable references to Moser.
Cite Spot-Check
[1]-(a) – Problematic - I was unable to review this citation, as I've not been able to get my hands on a digital copy of volume 2 of this book. If you can find a link to a digitized version of the cited work, please place it in the inline citation. If not, that is fine.
[2]-(c) – Good
[3] – Possible mistake - The only mention of Stuttgart on the page that I could find is from an embedded version of this wp article itself. Please correct this point if I am wrong.
[4]-(e) – Fine - Supplements [2]-(j).
[5] – Fine - Supplements [2]-(f) and [4]-(d)
[6] – Fine

Please add citations to the ends of the following sentences, to show that they have been proven true (ONLY IF APPLICABLE. Please also remove any of the following material that appears to be unsourced.):
Education and early career

"Moser worked in Rotterdam for 2 years at the firm of Granpré Molière, Verhagen, and Kok."
Prominence as a modern artist

"Together with Max Ernst Haefeli, Rudolf Steiger, and others, Moser was part of the architect group that planned the Werkbund Estate Neubühl in Wollishofen from 1928 – 1932."
"From 1928 – 1930, he collaborated with Mart Stam and Ferdinand Kramer to build the retirement house of the Henry and Emma Budge Foundation in Frankfurt am Main."
(Place a cite somewhere in here.) "In 1931, Moser, along with architects Sigfried Giedon and Rudolf Graber, founded the Wohnbedarf - a modern interior design showroom in Zurich, to which he contributed numerous models."
"In the 1930s, Moser participated in urban planning studies of the Zurich CIAM group as well as in important exhibitions on modern school building (Das Kind und sein Schulhaus, 1933) and modern bathing culture (Das Bad von heute und gestern, 1934 – 1935) at the Kunstgewerbemuseum Zürich."
"In the same year, he successfully participated with Max Ernst Haefeli in the competition for the Allenmoos outdoor swimming pool in Zurich (built from 1938 – 1939)."
(Place citation(s) somewhere in here, at your discretion). "In 1936, Moser won the contract for the design of the Kongresshaus Zurich, together with Haefeli and Rudolf Steiger, resulting in the founding of the Haefeli Moser Steiger (HMS) architectural firm. Built from 1938 – 1939 in connection with the Swiss National Exhibition in Zurich, the Kongresshaus is considered a key building of modern Swiss architecture."


### Well-written
Overall: Prose is mostly good, though there are a few selections of text (see below) which I've noted down, along with suggestions. 
Intro

"Swiss architect and proponent" – Add an "a" after "and".
Normally article leads are a bit long for my taste, but in this case you might want to expand it.
Education and early career

"with his graduation project being..." – Reads a little awkward. Rephrase (i.e.), "and for his graduation project he designed..." or similar, to the end of that sentence.
"in the United States at the offices of..." – Rephrase so it implies that Moser had multiple employers in America earlier on in the sentence.
Prominence as a modernist architect

"In 1928, he co-founded the Congrès Internationaux d'Architecture Moderne (CIAM) in La Sarraz, Switzerland, along 28 prominent European architects including Le Corbusier, Sigfried Giedion, Hendrik Berlage, and his father." – Gentle rephrasing - add Werner's name, a "with", and a comma. "In 1928, Werner co-founded the Congrès Internationaux d'Architecture Moderne (CIAM) in La Sarraz, Switzerland, along with 28 prominent European architects, including Le Corbusier, Sigfried Giedion, Hendrik Berlage, and his father."
Remove "Together with Max Ernst Haefeli, Rudolf Steiger, and others," or rephrase the whole sentence.
"in the New Building modernist style" – Rephrase to "In the New Modernist style" - Add a wikilink to modern architecture.
"of the Zurich CIAM" – I think meant to be "with the Zurich CIAM"
"In 1936, Moser won the contract for the design of the" – Rephrase to "In 1936, Moser, along with fellow architects Haefeli and Rudolf Steiger, won the design contract for the", reads awkwardly otherwise.
"Moser was awarded the project for the design of the campus" – Similar to above. Reword to "Moser was awarded the design project for the campus..." or similar.
Later years and professorship

"14-storey" – "Storey" is BritEng (WP:ENGVAR), but the rest of the article seems to be more consistent with American grammatical conventions. I'd recommend tagging the article with either {{Use American English}} or {{Use British English}} and ensuring the article meets either convention.
Add a short para mentioning his death.


### Broad
Though somewhat short (did Werner have no childhood????), I'd say this article is sufficiently broad, while maintaining concise prose.


### Neutral
Good.


### Stable
This article is stable. It complies with WP:BATTLEGROUND and the edit warring policy.


### Illustrated
This article is accompainied by a selection of relevant photos, all marked public domain.
Just one note: on This image's caption, "home" seems to be in German.

Finally:
This Article is pretty close to being GA-worthy. Ping me here when you've finished addressing all points! I'll do a second pass once you've finished editing this article.
 Xarinu (Talk 2 Me :] ) 02:39, 13 January 2025 (UTC)

Hi @Xarinu and @Ajay Platinum, I fixed most of the prose points in a recent edit, you may strike them out if it's good, ping me otherwise. RFNirmala (talk) 12:51, 15 January 2025 (UTC)
Hi there! @Xarinu Thank you for your detailed review. I agree with the points you've raised. @RFNirmala  Thanks for editing the prose! Much appreciated.
@Xarinu I'm away from my computer until this weekend. I'll revert in 5-7 days once I've made the proposed edits. Ajay Platinum (talk) 15:46, 15 January 2025 (UTC)
@Xarinu Hi there! I've revised the article based on your comments.  Thank you for the prose suggestions. I've edited the problematic citations & added sources as required. There doesn't seem to be any information on Moser's childhood or his family. I've added a line re. his death & surviving family members. Please let me know how the revised article reads and if you have any further recommendations. Thanks! Ajay Platinum (talk) 06:40, 20 January 2025 (UTC)
@Ajay Platinum: Thanks for getting the article revised. Here is your second pass:


### Verifiable
Mostly good:
cites:
[1] – Good
[2] – Good
[3] – Good
[4] – Good
[5] – Good
[6] – From my memory, myheritage is WP:USERG


### Well-Written
Looks good.


### Broad
Good.


### Neutral
Good.


### Stable
Good.


### Illustrated
Good.
Looking excellent! Just substitute the one cite, and this article should be good to be passed! Xarinu (Talk 2 Me :] ) 03:03, 21 January 2025 (UTC)

Hello @Xarinu. I found a link to the Fluntern cemetery where the Moser family is buried. I have included that in the text and added an image of the family plaques. Please let me know if this substitution works. Thanks! Ajay Platinum (talk) 12:00, 25 January 2025 (UTC)
@Ajay Platinum: Looks good enough to be passed! Congrats on the new GA, interesting little article, I enjoyed reviewing it. The bot will take a sec to place the GA icon on Moser's page, just so you know. Xarinu (Talk 2 Me :] ) 00:38, 27 January 2025 (UTC)