# Talk:The Last of Us: American Dreams

This review is transcluded from Talk:The Last of Us: American Dreams/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Bobamnertiopsis (talk · contribs) 22:23, 3 July 2015 (UTC)

Heya, Rhain1999, I'll take this one. I actually checked a copy out at my local library and read it so I feel SUPER PREPARED to take this on. I'll ping you again when the first pass of the review is done, although if you see a comment that needs addressing before I'm done, by all means go ahead and address it! Best, BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 22:23, 3 July 2015 (UTC)

1a

"Hicks joined the project after discovering about Ellie's role in the game" Cut about.
"This created an interesting idea for Druckmann, who became intrigued in discovering the effects of everyday actions in a post-apocalyptic world." in --> with
"which is particularly due to Ellie's young age." The source suggests that partially might be a better fit than particularly.
The Plot section can be trimmed a little. Suggested changes:
"but the latter is caught by one of the authority figures, who assigns her to cleaning duty." --> "but the latter is caught and assigned to cleaning duty."
"While she is completing the chore, she realizes that Riley stole her Walkman,[8] and later demands that she return it; Riley reluctantly returns it, after making sarcastic comments." --> "While she is completing the chore, she realizes that Riley stole her Walkman,[8] and later demands that she return it, which riley reluctantly does."
"At night, Ellie hears footsteps outside her room, and tracks them down. She finds that Riley is attempting to sneak out of the school, and demands to accompany her." --> "At night, Ellie catches Riley attempting to sneak out of the school, and demands to accompany her."
"recognized Ellie, and demanded" --> "recognizes Ellie, and demands"
"Riley later claims to Marlene that she would like to join their group.[16] Marlene refuses this, stating the danger that it would involve. They argue about it, which results in Marlene threatening to shoot Riley.[17]" --> "When Riley claims she would like to join the group and Marlene refuses, the two argue, resulting in Marlene threatening to shoot Riley."
"Ellie intervenes, holding Marlene at gunpoint and demanding for her to explain how she knows information about Ellie." --> "Ellie intervenes, demanding at gunpoint that Marlene explain how she knows information about Ellie."
"Ellie becomes angry and suggests running away, but Riley informs her that this will just result in death." --> "Ellie suggests running away, but Riley informs her that this will just result in death."
"IGN's Jesse Schedeen felt that the story serves" serves --> served
"readers who have not played the game" have --> had
"the final issue attempts to fit too much content" attempts --> attempted, fit to include
sub-part should be sub-par
"Alasdair Stuart of SciFiNow wrote that the art is" is --> was
"felt that the art style works" works --> worked
"comic heavily relies" relies --> relied
"that its art style gives" gives --> gave
"stating that it contains" contains --> contained
1b

Link Ellie once in the lead and the first time her name appears in the body of the article. Subsequent links aren't needed.
Likewise, you probably don't need to link anything in the caption of the image of Druckmann.
You mention in the lead that the issues were collected in an edition published October 2013. This does not come up anywhere else; I'd suggest a separate section beneath Issues with a listing of the collected edition to justify this.
2a

Do you have an ISBN for Ref 1 (it's a book, right?)
2b, 2c

Well cited throughout, using a variety of secondary sources (all of which are ARCHIVED, thank you!)
3

Covers major elements in detail.
Does not go on tangents.
4

Gives due weight to criticism. Looks good!
5

No warring. Very stable.
6

Good inclusion of images (2 nonfree, properly tagged; 1 free, hosted on Commons with proper attribution and info).
Just a couple more things to do, Rhain1999! Thanks for crafting a neat, informative on this series. It's well on its way to GA. BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 03:37, 4 July 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, Bobamnertiopsis! It's always great to get another opinion on things. I've gone through and fixed your concerns to the best of my ability. If you have any remaining issues with the article, please don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks! -- Rhain1999 (talk to me) 06:36, 4 July 2015 (UTC)
Rhain1999, I've run this article through the copyvio detector and there was one phrase that stuck out to me as being a little longer than I'm comfortable with for copyvio purposes: "the ideal character to focus on in the comic", from the IGN source. If you wouldn't mind rephrasing it in some way, I think this article would be GA-ready! BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 23:27, 4 July 2015 (UTC)
Bobamnertiopsis, I've just rephrased it. Let me know if there's still any problems. – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 23:32, 4 July 2015 (UTC)
I see no further issues with it! Great work! I'm happy to  Pass the article! BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 23:45, 4 July 2015 (UTC)
Thank you! – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 23:46, 4 July 2015 (UTC)