# Talk:Serious Sam's Bogus Detour

This review is transcluded from Talk:Serious Sam's Bogus Detour/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Le Panini (talk · contribs) 02:12, 21 November 2020 (UTC)

Hello! I'll have comments in a little bit. Le Panini Talk 02:12, 21 November 2020 (UTC)

The six good article criteria
Well written:
Obviously, everyone has their style of writing. I would like to suggest some general changes, however. 
Verifiable with no original research:
I'm checking to make sure, so I'll just put this on hold for now; are these sources in other languages properly translated? Can this be verified by you? Apart from that, reliable sources, this section passes. 
All foreign text sources were translated either by hand (if I spoke the language) or using automated tools, which generally produce reliable results. The Swedish audio source was translated by Alexandra IDV, a Swedish native speaker. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Alright then, just making sure. This section passes. Le Panini Talk 19:22, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Broad in its coverage:
Looks good here, primary and secondary reliable sources. 
Neutral:
Looks good, this section passes. 
Stable:
You're really the only person editing this article. Unless if you're emotionally unstable and can't make up your mind, this section passes. 
Illustrated:
Cover artwork and gameplay, this section passes. 
Notes and Suggestions
Infobox
Maybe a caption, saying "Cover art for (Insert Microsoft windows or Linux), featuring Sam"
 Done, though without the platform, since both have the same cover. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Lead
Although twin-stick shooter is linked, there is no mention of it in the Shoot em' up article. There should be a brief explanation in gameplay.
See below. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Character upgrades can be purchased using stars that are obtained through exploration or gaining experience points by killing enemies. Maybe change this to Character upgrades can be purchased using stars, which are obtained through exploration or experience points gained by killing enemies. More info about this section in gameplay.
 Done. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Through communication Roman Ribarić... Could you clarify what this means? I would suggest a format but I don't know what it means in the first place.
There was a "with" missing here. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Crackshell initially intended to self-publish Bogus Detour but later partnered with Devolver Digital to formally announce the game in April 2017 and release it in June for Linux and Microsoft Windows. This sentence is very choppy.  Maybe try "Crackshell initially intended to self-publish Bogus Detour, but later partnered with Devolver Digital. The game was formally announced in April 2017, and released in June for Linux and Microsoft Windows."
 Done, though without the new commas, which Grammarly was adamant to have corrected. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Gameplay
Mention what twin-stick shooter gameplay is like here.
The section that twin-stick shooter redirects to reads:
Multidirectional shooters feature 360-degree movement where the protagonist may rotate and move in any direction. Multidirectional shooters with one joystick for movement and one joystick for firing in any direction independent of movement are called twin-stick shooters.
The sources for this game don't go into this detail (they only mention the genre), so this definition is likely what we have to rely on. I added the latter bold within that article to make the mention more obvious. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Oh, I'm dumb, somehow I didn't see this. But that's weird, because I used the find tool to scan the article but it said there wasn't any use of the name. Le Panini Talk 19:25, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
...ten open levels, distributed among three thematic places: Egypt, Greece, and the Moon. Is there any reason why its these three places?
Not really. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
If there isn't, then its fine. If there was however, there should be an explanation. Le Panini Talk 19:26, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
So, the standard pistols have unlimited ammunition. I'm supposing that other weapons picked up don't, however. While it does imply they need ammo with "and their ammunition", it seems rather vague to me. It should have a mention, if true.
I changed the mention to "... and their required ammunition ...", which should make it a bit clearer. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
It says in the lead section that stars are obtained through exploration or gaining experience points by killing enemies. However, exploration is unmentioned here. Now, I know it says they're tucked away all around the maps, but it should be mentioned in the lead like that.
I amended the lead. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
After losing all lives, gameplay stops and the player is stripped of all weapons and upgrades. Does it reset them at the beginning of the game? The title screen? Are there checkpoints?
The active level is reset and the player loses all upgrades/weapons/XP obtained in that level. I realised the wording was somewhat misleading, so I changed the sentence completely. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Development
It was the studio's second game after Hammerwatch. Maybe, It was the studio's second game, after Hammerwatch.
 Done. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Crackshell's designer, Jochum "Hipshot" Skoglund, enjoyed referencing old media he liked in his games, so the team added the Beheaded Kamikaze, an enemy from the Serious Sam series, as an Easter egg to the Hammerwatch expansion Temple of the Sun, which was released in September 2014. This sentence is very long, try finding way to split it into separate sentences.
 Done. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Other working titles included "Serious Top-Down" and "Serious Sam 2D". I'm not really sure what this is implying. Did they create more than one tech demo?
They are working titles, as in names used during development. I linked the term for clarity. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
This isn't anything to change, but just wanted to say that this second paragraph is well written. It speaks in a simplified manner and is easy to read and understand :D
...forum of TIGSource... I don't think an of here is necessary.
TIGSource is not a forum in itself but has a forum section, thus it is "the forum of TIGSource". I changed it to "the forum of the website TIGSource" for clarity.
20 June 2017 -> June 20 2017 because ... America.
I chose DMY dates for this article (alongside British English spelling) because the game was developed in Sweden. There are no strong national ties to America that would require MDY here, so I don't think this needs to be changed (see also MOS:DATERET). IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
But America... just kidding, that makes sense. Le Panini Talk 19:28, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Reception
Could you shorten the Metacritic sentence, or split it into two?
I split it in two. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
The first paragraph repeatedly uses the "X from Y said Z" format. There should be a bit of variety here.
I added a few fillers to even this out. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
complemented the series' DNA... Maybe use a different descriptive word besides DNA, it seems like gamer jargon.
 Done. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Jacquier faced some irritation when tracking long distances over empty areas, especially due to Sam's initially slow pace. Rodríguez found that the small size of the player character could cause disorientation with numerous elements on-screen, which was amplified when there were multiple players. I think something about this criticism deserves a mention in the lead section.
I initially excluded this because both are rare/minor edge cases that cannot be summarised that well. I added "... while criticism was given to some minor design elements." in the lead, please let me know whether this fits. Maybe you have a better phrasing for this, too. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
That works well. Le Panini Talk 19:29, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
References
Are references 10, 11, and 12 the same source?

While they come from the same forum thread, they are three separate pages on three different URLs that were independently accessed, used, and archived. |p=1, 2, 3 was used to distinguish them. IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
Verdict
This article is in good condition! The only concerns I have are from sentence formatting and references. Because of that, I'm putting this review on hold for you to change the article or comment on my suggestions. Le Panini Talk 03:40, 21 November 2020 (UTC)

@Le Panini: Thanks for the review! I made some changes to the article and left responses to the individual points above. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 15:20, 21 November 2020 (UTC)
IceWelder, These changes are good, so I'll promote the article now! Now, obviously you're gonna do a DYK, so I'd suggest something involving the pirated version. Or possibly the fact that the game was teased in the previous game. Le Panini Talk 19:38, 21 November 2020 (UTC)