# Talk:Sandakan

This review is transcluded from Talk:Sandakan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Winner 42 (talk · contribs) 23:44, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

Going to place this under review, I should be done within 48 hours. Winner 42  Talk to me!  23:44, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for take a time to review this article. (: ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 18:56, 6 June 2015 (UTC)


### Overall Comments
Overall, it is looking so far, and nice work countering systemic bias. The main issue seems to be grammatical errors. I'll try to give suggestions for fixing them below, but you may want to get help from the Guild of Copyeditors. You also need to decide on whether or not to use serial commas, the article is currently inconsistent. Please mark each item when you have addressed it. Thank you!
Not done with review, but I need to go to sleep, will continue tomorrow Winner 42  Talk to me!  02:09, 7 June 2015 (UTC)

Thanks, I have done some of it now and will sent it to the Guild of Copy Editors to make some copy-edit. (: ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 04:58, 7 June 2015 (UTC)
Done with round 2, keep it up :) Winner 42  Talk to me!  19:32, 7 June 2015 (UTC)
@Winner 42: Thanks, I have done fixing it too. For the "hugh cost", the source only describe the whole statistics of North Borneo including other parts like Jesselton (hard to figure this out). But I see someone have reword the sentence to be much neutral. (: ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 13:06, 8 June 2015 (UTC)

The inconsistent use of serial commas needs to be addressed.   Fixed
Ref 109 gives a 403 error   Fixed
Refs 37, 90, and 103 all timeout   Fixed
The use of galleries is questionable (per WP:MOSIMAGES), but that's not a requirement so change at your discretion  Y
Overall this is very well done, congrats on taking this article so far. Once you fix up the remaining issues I will pass it. Going to place on hold for now. Winner 42  Talk to me!  01:21, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

 Done with that. ^__^ ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 06:26, 9 June 2015 (UTC)
Very nicely done. Congrats on GA status Muffin Wizard! I'd also like to thank Cerevisae and Rubbish computer for their help getting this article up to GA status. Winner 42  Talk to me!  19:30, 9 June 2015 (UTC)
Thanks to Winner 42 for the promotion :-) Cerevisae (talk) 21:03, 9 June 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for the promotion Winner 42. Yeah, this article would not become a WP:GA without the help of Cerevisae, Rubbish computer, other users and as well other IP users. Thank you so much for all of your help.  ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 00:02, 10 June 2015 (UTC)


### Sectional Analysis
#### Lead and Infobox
Elevation data would be nice to have in the infobox if possible and so would the motto if they have one.Y
the Kota Kinabalu City -> Kota Kinabalu City or Kota Kinabalu Y
157,330,[1] while the whole municipalities area has a total population of 396,290.[1]->157,330 while the surrounding municipal area has a total population of 396,290.[1]  Y
The second paragraph needs severe copyediting.
"Before the founding of Sandakan, the area had become the attention of German and British." Please fix verb tenses and clarify meaning.Y
The second and third sentences run on and need clarification.Y
as on 1878 -> and in 1878  Y
start to built->began to build  Y
as well -> as well as  Y
of Chinese -> of the Chinese/of the Chinese people  Y
But the prosper was ended when the Japanese started occupied the area, with a continuous war and the Allied bombing in 1944, the town was totally destroyed to the ground. Needs copyediting for grammar.Y
with the administration of North Borneo handed -> and the administration of North Borneo was handed  Y
to help the -> to help with the  Y
The lead seems only to focus on the history of the city and not any of the other aspects of the article. It should summarize all the sections, not just the history.Y


#### Etymology
This section doesn't actually discuss the etymology of Sandakan, only the previous name of Elopura.  Fixed
What is a fire event?  Fixed
"it was also called as Little Hong Kong" is it still referred to by that nickname?  Fixed Sandakan is not referred to the nickname again nowadays.Cerevisae (talk) 08:39, 7 June 2015 (UTC)


#### History
most of part of -> most of  Y
was it under the influence or the control of the Bruneian Empire? That source is unreachable for me.  Fixed
The first sentence would be better off split in two  Y
"during a civil war that happened in Brunei" do we have an article on this civil war? If so we should link to it  Y
they took a first measure by restraining trade activities of foreign nations -> they began to restrict the trade of foreign nations  Y
on 1855 -> in 1855  Y
In 1855 should be moved to the beginning of the statement and a comma added  Y
issued a rule in which any ships that want to engage in trade with the Sulu Archipelago must first visit the Spanish port. -> They issued a ruling which declared that ships wanting to engage in trade with the Sulu Archipelago must first visit the Spanish port.  Y
to British -> to the British  Y
German doesn't need a wikilink, though that person should if they have an article  Y
Sandakan Bay doesn't need to be wikilinked twice  Y
German flag doesn't need a wikilink  Y
"A first European settlement was then built by a Scottish arms smuggler from Glasgow named William Clarke Cowie who named the settlement "Sandakan", (which in the Suluk language means "The place that was pawned")." I found the etymology! This should be moved to that section.  Y
Borneo to a Austro-Hungarian consul Baron von Overbeck -> Borneo to an Austro-Hungarian consul named Baron von Overbeck  Y
After some efforts -> After efforts  Y
to Kingdom of Italy -> to the Kingdom of Italy  Y
The second sentence in the third paragraph should be split up for clarityY
It is not surprising, therefore, that -> Therefore it is not surprising, I'm not sure about the inclusion of this statement though. Does the source specifically say it was not surprising? If not it could be consider synthesis.  Y
"It was Pryer who gave the settlement the name Elopura meaning "Beautiful Town"" This should also be moved to the above section.  Y
During Pryer tenure of becoming the first Resident of Sandakan -> During Pryer's tenure of being the first resident of Sandakan  Y
William B. Pryer's photo caption needs copyediting as well  Y
Was he the first resident or the first ruler/major etc?   Fixed
"whose stature alone must have been quite frightening to some of the natives" This sounds like original research/synthesis. A quote from the source would be strongly preferred.   Fixed
the Spanish continue -> the Spanish continued, historical events should be written from the past tense  Y
blockade over -> blockade of  Y
"thus give the need for a stronger action" Please clarify the wording.   Fixed
British fear over -> British fear of  Y
which were more stronger -> which was stronger  Y
archipelago and -> archipelago,  Y
march until ->  march to  Y
from Dutch East Indies ->  from the Dutch East Indies  Y
survived from -> survived  Y
"huge costs" How huge were they? Is there an estimate somewhere?  Fixed
was much high due to the devastating damage ->  was higher due to the damage  Y
"economic capital" Quote needs a source of who referred to it as an economic capital  Y
This plan establishes -> This plan established  Y
by the capitalist ->  by the capitalists /  by the merchants  Y
"Sandakan saw a great involvement by Hong Kong towkays (bosses)" Please clarify   Fixed


#### Government and International relations
that involved -> that is involved/that has implemented  Y
"since 19 July" what year?   Fixed
repelling any -> repel  Y


#### Geography
east coast -> eastern coast  Y
Please clarify the meaning of the first sentence Y
while only -> and only  Y
there are three islands which are part of the Malaysian Turtle Islands -> there are the three Malaysian Turtle Islands   Y
April becomes the driest months -> April is the driest month  Y


#### Demography
This section is typically called "Demographics"  Y
The statement about religious conversions needs a source and clarification Y
here are different -> in Sandakan is different  Y


#### Economy
their original occupation in Sandakan was farmers -> The immigrants to Sandakan were farmers  Y
Now, -> in the modern day/some other clarification  Y
entering Southern Philippines -> entering the Southern Philippines  Y
Refs 58 and 59 are to unreliable sources of a sales directory and a social media page   Fixed
"Kamunting area known for its oil depots, edible oil refinery and glue factories. In Batu Sapi, ashipyard, fertiliser oxygen gas and wood-based factories are situated. The main highway, Jalan Batu Sapi, had been upgraded by 2014." These three statements all need sources.   Fixed
"one of the economic source since the British period." Clarify meaning please.   Fixed


#### Transportation
How is the airport related to the sister towns agreement? Please clarify.   Fixed
The airport is still undergoing upgrade and expansion for the comfort of air travellers -> As of 2014, the airport is being upgraded and expanded to accommodate additional travelers.   Fixed
2nd sentence in the 4th paragraph runs on, consider splitting?   Fixed


#### Public Services
No need for parentheses around bed counts   Fixed


#### Education
Template:Main could be used here.  Y


#### Culture
since having -> after having  Y
is the place -> is a place  Y


#### Notable residents
No need for full stops unless you are describing them with a full sentence  Y
Names don't need bold either  Y


### Review
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 

The article was in need of several grammatical fixes. Made a few myself, but may have missed some. A few sentences look like they require rephrasing. 117.221.124.34 (talk) 14:39, 6 June 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for your time for making some copy-edit (: ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 18:55, 6 June 2015 (UTC)

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