# Talk:Zan Parr Bar

Ealdgyth I noticed you put this article up for good article review. I'd like to do it to gain more experience doing them. I feel I have plenty of experience editing documents according to policies. However, I did edit this article before a few times although it none of it was substantial editing, just changing categories and such. What do you think? dawnleelynn(talk) 16:44, 24 March 2022 (UTC) p.s. I am not looking for a return review, so no strings attached. dawnleelynn(talk) 16:45, 24 March 2022 (UTC)

I would suggest that you review something outside your subject comfort zone - maybe a zoology article? If you want advice on how to do a review and a mentor, I'm happy to help, but I find that new reviewers have an easier time reviewing something they aren't incredibly familiar with - it makes sticking to the criteria a bit easier. (It's natural to expect more from a subject you're very familiar with, so it's easy to overstep the actual requirements for a GA if you're starting out with reviewing). Ealdgyth (talk) 17:04, 24 March 2022 (UTC)
Thanks @Ealdgyth: for the advice. Given your high level of experience compared to mine, I'm sure you are steering me in the right direction. I will look for something else to review not in my wheelhouse. If I need assistance, I may take you up on your offer to assist as a mentor. Thanks! dawnleelynn(talk) 18:58, 24 March 2022 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Zan Parr Bar/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:37, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Only one sentence referenced in the lead, is odd.  Suggest removing it but ensuring the fact is reiterated, expanded upon, and referenced in the main part of the article.
I've removed the superlatives (which is what the source was to cover) which should cover this problem. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
Three Bars doesn't require disambiguation.
fixed Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
What does "under saddle" mean to a non-expert?
Glossed. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
No photo?  I would imagine that by now a fair use image would be just fine.
"His dam was" link jargon.
Glossed. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"of Tulare, California and" comma after Ca.
Fixed Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"15.3 hands high and weighed 1250 pounds" convert both of these to units that non-experts/non-Imperial folks would understand.
Added template (which links hands) Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
And indeed, I would link "hand" as it's not a commonly used unit of measurement (certainly not outside the horse world).
as above Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"a couple of" do you mean two?
The source says "debut in California halter competition, earning several grand and reserve titles." - so I don't have a specific. I've changed it to "earning some Grand Champion and Reserve Grand Championships." in the article which covers the inprecise nature of the source. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"a few " this doesn't really feel encyclopedic either.
as above. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"Cal Poly" put this after the first full use in parentheses, i.e. "at California Polytechnic State University (Cal Poly)"
Done. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"stallion to Texas and" link Texas first time.
fixed. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"then husband" hyphenate.
done. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"showing western pleasure, earning 19 points in western pleasure" repetitive.
now "earning 19 points in the discipline with the AQHA" Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
The points earned is interesting but completely without context, is that a large number of points?  A record?
It's a very large number but there isn't a way to contextualize it. A person who is likely to read this article (as I have no plans of going to FAC with it, this is pretty much all the facts about the horse) will almost assuredly be a horse person so they'll want to know total points, and will get the context. If I was going to FAC, I'd have to figure out a way to contextualize this but ... since it's not going to happen... I think we're okay here. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"a sire, he sired" Repetitive, I don't think you need "As a sire".
Fixed Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"of World Champion horses" why capitalised?  Not a formal title.
Actually, yes it is. A formally granted title from the AQHA - they are a very big deal. A bigger deal than a Grand Championship at a single show - it's being named the Grand Champion of a discipline at the AQHA World Show - which has formal qualificiation requirements which are pretty hefty. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"produced Sparkles Rosezana, Zans Diamond Sun and Sparkles Suzana" why pick these out of the 600+?  Were any of them notable, successful?
All three are - and they are singled out by the source (and by the AQHA in their biography of the horse for the Hall of Fame.) Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"Show.[4][1] Five " ref numerical order.
I did this but it's not required at all. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"won all-around high point awards" what are these?
Explained. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
"of Colitis X on" no need for capital C on colitis.
Fixed.
Where is pedigree section referenced?
Tacked on. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
You could add the URL to ref 1?
I don't because there's an annoying bot that goes around and adds archive-urls to the short references and that mucks up the short references into insanely long things. However, I've gone ahead and added it since you asked. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
That's all I have on a quick skim over the article, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 16:44, 1 May 2022 (UTC)

I've dealt with everything but the photo, which isn't a requirement for GA to have a fair use image. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
I realise I've reviewed a bit beyond GA criteria, I always do and it's usually greeted with thanks rather than indignation, but it was all just to improve Wikipedia.  I'll promote.  The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 18:45, 3 May 2022 (UTC)