# Talk:Sugar (Brockhampton song)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Sugar (Brockhampton song)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)

My first review for you in a decent amount of time! --K. Peake 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)


### Infobox and lead
WP:OVERLINK of Dua Lipa under songwriters
Add a comma after fifth studio album
Move the mention of the song's guest vocals to being the second sentence of the lead instead
"The song was written by" → "It was written by"
"Romil Hemnani and Chuks Chiejine, while it was produced by" → "Romil Hemnani, and Chuks Chiejine, while production was handled by"
"November 19, 2019 as the album's fifth single before" → "November 19, 2019, as the album's fifth single, before"
"on December 13, 2019 through" → "on December 13, through"
"Musically, "Sugar" is a" → "It is a"
"pop and R&B slow jam driven" → "pop, and R&B slow jam, driven"
Wikilink acoustic guitar
Pipe loop to Loop (music)
"the lyrics have themes of" → "Lyrically, the themes include" starting this a new sentence per my earlier comment about moving guest vocals
"codependency and the stress of" → "codependency, and the stress of"
"was met with positive reviews from" → "received positive reviews from"
"production as well as" → "production, as well as"
The commercial performance stats should come before the TikTok info that caused it
Remove social media platform introduction to TikTok because that being in the body is sufficient
"the US Billboard Hot 100 while charting" → "the US Billboard Hot 100, while charting"
"Ireland and New Zealand." → "Ireland, and New Zealand."
"The song was awarded a" → "It was awarded a"
"the US as well as" → "the US by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), as well as" with the wikilink, also add the names of the other organizations that awarded certifications
"It was complimented by" → "The video was complimented by"
Mention at least one of the live performances in the lead
Add commas around featuring English singer Dua Lipa
"vocal contributions from Lipa and Jon B. as well as" → "additional vocals from Lipa and Jon B., as well as"
"Usher Raymond and William Wood" → "Usher Raymond, and William Wood"
Pipe sample to Sampling (music)
Remove release year of the Usher song and the fact it is a single since this is not notable for the lead
"first verse before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout while" → "first verse, before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout, while"
"her vocals with the band." → "her vocals with Brockhampton."
"for its pairing of" → "for the pairing of" and use a more appropriate term for how the collaborators sound rather than "nice"
 Done


### Writing and recording
Remove commas around Iridescence
"debut the album lacked" → "debut, the album lacked"
"They attempted to go back to their roots where" → "Brockhampton attempted to go back to their roots, where"
Ref(s) should be invoked at the end of any sentences that have direct quotations
"referred to by Romil Hemnani" → "referred to by band member Romil Hemnani in retrospect"
"but the band ended up putting off" → "though ultimately abandoned"
"After the group invited" → "After Brockhampton invited"
Remove overly obvious wikilink on the English capital London per WP:OVERLINK
"on the guitar before Manwa" → "on the guitar, before Manwa"
"moved to the keys and bass before the latter played" → "moved to the keys, bass, and chords, prior to the latter playing" with the pipes
"At first it was just his" → "At first, the song consisted of his"
Pipe pitch to Pitch (music)
"and "Boy Bye" were" → "and "Boy Bye", was"
"day it started getting mixed." → "day, its mixing process began." with the pipe
"as well as the addition of" → "and the addition of"
Pipe hook to Hook (music)
"Manwa and McLennon all threw in ideas," → "Manwa, and McLennon all put ideas forward,"
"Hemnani and Chiejine, with production by" → "Hemnani, and Chiejine, with production being handled by"
Add a comma after New York City
Add a comma before William Wood
 Done


### Music and lyrics
Add a comma after pop on the audio sample text
Wikilink acoustic guitar and pipe looped to Loop (music) on the text
[8] should not be after the influences because that already appears later on in this sentence
Add a comma after pop
"slow jam[8][11][12][13] with" → "slow jam,[8][11][12][13] with"
Wikilink acoustic guitar
Pipe loop to Loop (music)
"shingles of synths" → "shingles of synths," with the pipe
Pipe groove to Groove (music)
"to a crush saying" → "to a crush, saying"
"The group sings rhythmic lyrics" → "Brockhampton sings rhythmic lyrics"
"keep it hip hop with" → "keep it hip hop, with"
Wikilink vocoder
Wikilink pre-chorus per MOS:LINK2SECT
A full-stop is not needed after the closing line since the question mark works as grammar to close the sentence
"and Jon B as well as" → "and Jon B., as well as"
"on the first verse" → "on the first verse,"
"nobody help" before" → "nobody help", before"
Pipe backing vocals to Backing vocalist
"longing and devotion while" → "longing, and devotion, while"
"Jon B sings with" → "Jon B. sings with"
"remains the same while" → "remains the same, while"
"outro repeating "I'm" → "outro repeating: "I'm" plus place punctuation inside speech marks per MOS:QUOTE on full sentences
Why is [31] invoked at the end of the sentence when it does not source anything there?
 Done


### Release and promotion
"on August 23, 2019 as" → "on August 23, 2019, as"
"in June 2019 resulting in the band" → "in June 2019, resulting in them"
"on November 7, 2019 as" → "on November 7, 2019, as" and mention the labels that it impacted through
"on December 13." → "on December 13, 2019."
"and Apple Music as well as" → "and Apple Music, as well as"
Pipe radio airplay to Airplay
"on March 13 before being" → "on March 13, 2020, five days before being"
 Done


### Critical reception
Retitle to Reception per rankings and remix reviews
HypeBeast → Hypebeast
"Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx" → "Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx,"
 Not done per Wikipedia_talk:Manual_of_Style/Text_formatting/Archive_4#Should_website_names_be_italicized?. LOVI33 04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
Alright, thanks for pointing that out. --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
"and sweet" while also" → "and sweet", while also"
"darkness of the preceding" track" → "darkness" of the previous album track"
Remove the comment about the band accomplishing their goal per lack of relevancy to the song
"of the group's "most boy band-esque tracks" while" → "of Brockhampton's "most boy band-esque tracks", whereas"
"number" while comparing it to" → "number", drawing comparisons to"
"shows growth for the band" → "shows growth for Brockhampton"
"the band leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies" while" → "Brockhampton leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies", while"
"hook we're reminiscent of a" → "hook are reminiscent of a"
"song while mentioning that" → "song, alongside mentioning that" to avoid overusage of while
"summer" as well as" → "summer", as well as"
Start a new para for the rankings since they need to be separated from actual reviews, also merge the reviews up to Los Angeles Times with the above para in this context
"of 2019 with writer Dee Lockett noting that" → "of 2019; writer Dee Lockett noted that"
"Lipa's performance saying" → "Lipa's performance, saying"
"the rest" of the group." → "the rest" of Brockhampton."
Uproxx should not be italicised
 Not done per above. LOVI33 04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
"even out the track's experience"." → "even out" its experience."
Remove wikilink on MTV
"immediately" while also" → "immediately", while also"
"the "seriously sweet moment" Jon B's" → "the "seriously sweet moment" of Jon B's"
Remove pipe on Top 40
"vibe" but "adds a few" → "vibe" with "a few"
 Done


### Commercial performance
"chart before entering the US" → "chart, before entering the" adding US before the first chart instead since that is also an American one
"of number 31 and 28" → "of numbers 31 and 28"
"double platinum certification from" → "double platinum certification by"
"on the Canadian Hot 100 before" → "on the Canadian Hot 100, before"
"in January 2020 before peaking at" → "in January 2020, a month before peaking at" removing the following month part, obviously
"in the UK." → "in the United Kingdom." and mention when it was certified as such
"The song was certified gold in Poland by" → "The song was certified gold by" because the country is mentioned at the end of this sentence, also add when it was certified as such
Mention when the Portuguese certification was too
"certification from the" → "certification by the" and mention the certification date
"the following month before" → "the next month, before" to avoid overusage of following
Mention the date it was certified by RMNZ
 Done


### Music videos
#### Version 1
"MTVU as well as MTV's Times Square billboard before" → "MTVU, as well as MTV's Times Square billboard, before"
"and Ways & Means with" → "and Ways & Means, with"
Safdie Brothers → Safdie brothers
"as co-producers and Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim and" → "as co-producers, alongside Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim, and"
"of photography while Nick Lenzini did" → "of photography, while Nick Lenzini handled"
Pipe VFX to Visual effects
"Frender and Max Colt and animation" → "Frender and Max Colt, and animation" with the wikilink
Img looks good!
Wikilink the California Raisins
"screams before McLennon and" → "screams, before McLennon and"
"with the slime dripping onto the other members' as well as" → "which drips onto the other members', and"
"with the video while also" → "with the video, while also"
"Claire Shaffer called the video "zany" and the group's" → "Shaffer called the video "zany" and possibly Brockhampton's"
"while also stating" → "alongside stating that"
Add release year(s) of the films
"four-minute ride" while" → "four-minute ride", wheras"
 Done


#### Version 2
Img looks good!
"iPhone shots and editing" → "iPhone shots, and editing"
"The Digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann while" → "The digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann, while"
"was created as the group" → "was created because Brockhampton"
"the group and Ryan Beatty" → "the band and Beatty"
"props including a revolving mirror as well as a ladder and chairs." → "props, including a revolving mirror, ladder, and chairs."
"Bearface's comes to the shoot, just out of" → "Bearface comes to the shoot having just got out of"
"hair while Abstract wears" → "hair, while Abstract wears"
Pipe MySpace to Myspace
"and the video closing with the mirror getting" → "and the mirror getting"
Remove pipe on Billboard and mention the name of the writer
 Done


### Live performances
Remove wikilink on Los Angeles
The performance being their Ellen debut is not sourced
Fixed. LOVI33 05:09, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
"while the group sat down on" → "while the band sat down on"
"on the setlist of the group's" → "on the setlist of their"
"Beatty joined the group" → "Beatty joined Brockhampton"
 Done


### Track listings
Add the appropriate sources for the track listings
 Done
"Sugar" (remix) → "Sugar" (Remix)
 Not done per MOS:MUSICCAPS


### Personnel
Add a source for this per no album liner notes
 Done

For Brandon Bost and Matthew Scatchell, shouldn't the original version credits be before remix?
I put the remix first so that it is explicit that they had different duties on the remix for the note. LOVI33 05:12, 13 April 2022 (UTC)


### Charts
Good


### Certifications
Good


### Release history
Pipe Sony to Sony Music
 Done


### See also
Good


### Footnotes
Good


### References
Copyvio score looks decent at 37.5%
Shouldn't refs 8 and 23 have url-access limited?
Pipe The Singles Jukebox to Stylus Magazine on ref 19
Cite Uproxx as publisher instead on refs 26, 32, 49, 82 and 98
 Not done per above. LOVI33 05:20, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
HypeBeast → Hypebeast on refs 30, 40 and 102
Ref 39 should include appropriate citation(s) for a various release, not merely an Australian one
Pipe Sony Music Group to Sony Music on refs 44 and 45
 Done


### External links
Good


### Final comments and verdict
 On hold until all of the issues are fixed; good job on this! --K. Peake 09:20, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
Thanks for the review Kyle Peake. All the issues have been addressed. LOVI33 05:21, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
 Pass now, good job on this and I did some brief copy editing where I had not found certain issues initially! --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)