# Talk:Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)

There are grammar errors all over the article. Also, shouldn't an image of Roxas in his clothes from KH2 be shown? It would show more of his character. Blake (Talk·Edits) 14:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

There has been no commentary of such outfit, so I don't know if it would pass WP:Non-free content. I uploaded his black cloak outfit as it is the most prevalent. Besides, it also shows his two signature weapons.Tintor2 (talk) 15:44, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
Did a minor check up on grammar.Tintor2 (talk) 16:24, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer:  fetchcomms☛ 03:42, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I'm fairly familiar with the topic, and I'll leave a few comments after I finish reading through the whole article. Good work so far, from just skimming over it.  fetchcomms☛ 03:42, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
As everything looks good, I've passed this article. Great work on everyone's part! • ɔ ʃ → 23:05, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Shouldn't we at least inform this on other wikiprojects?Bread Ninja (talk) 15:41, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
It's a GAR, so there aren't any !votes, although feel free to inform anyone who might be interested int helping out.  fetchcomms☛ 17:14, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
Just following up on the GAN. The review started a week and a half ago, and all the points brought up so far have been addressed. Admittedly, my work on the article makes me biased, but if there's nothing else, I think the article is fine to pass. (Guyinblack25 talk 16:32, 27 April 2010 (UTC))
Yep, I was going to give it a final read-through for any minor issues tonight and pass it. Thanks to everyone who contributed to this article! • ɔ ʃ → 22:20, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
References
If you can, verify all the quotes in the footnotes, and if there are online transcriptions, link to them. Ref 1 "Roxas: Roxas: Another " seems to have an extra "Roxas:" in it. Also, when separating characters with the /, make it consistent--some are X/Y and others X / Y (I like them with an extra space between). Ref 9 "Naminé: So, we can be together again!Square Enix" needs a space before the publisher name. If you can, add quote marks to distinguish from the characters' lines and the beginning of the other ref info. Also, some refs say "Square-Enix" while others have no hyphen--should be consistent. Referencing looks good throughout the article, no unsourced sections present.  fetchcomms☛ 17:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Added quote parameters, changed X/Y to X / Y and changed Square-Enix to Square Enix. The only online transcriptions are fansites. Removed the Roxas from Roxas. I hope I didn't forget anyone.Tintor2 (talk) 18:58, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
Ref 44,  Herold, Charles (March 30, 2006). "Some Sequels Really Are Worth the Wait". The New York Times. Retrieved March 10, 2010. needs the newspaper name italicized. • ɔ ʃ → 19:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Done.Tintor2 (talk) 21:12, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
Images
Can you reduce the infobox image to about 500px or lower the dpi?  fetchcomms☛ 17:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Reuploaded in a smaller resolution.Tintor2 (talk) 18:58, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
If you want to add in a piece of concept art for the development section or one of him fighting in the game, etc. or just leave this one that's fine with me either way.  fetchcomms☛ 20:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

I could not find any concept art. Maybe an image from his boss fight will serve as it is explained why it wasn't interactive in the KHII.Tintor2 (talk) 00:17, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
Added image.Tintor2 (talk) 00:28, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
Even though this is not FAC, do you mind adding alt text to that one image, as the other one already has it.  fetchcomms☛ 01:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
Alt text added. (Guyinblack25 talk 23:01, 26 April 2010 (UTC))
Prose
A bit of overlinking, some of the game names are linked 3-4 times throughout and a few other links as well. Will go over each section in detail soon.  fetchcomms☛ 20:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

I'm not very associated with overlinkings, but I was told that at least every level two headers needs a link. How many times can an article be linked in an article. I think that the most repeated links in the article are Kingdom Hearts II, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and probably Sora.Tintor2 (talk) 00:17, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is linked 4 times, so the last 2 or 3 don't need to be linked again. Same goes for the others. As this is a relatively short article and the links are mentioned a lot, there just doesn't need to be too many duplicates.  fetchcomms☛ 01:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:06, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Roxas bore the title Key of Destiny"--put quotation marks around Key of Destiny
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"video game Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days which revolves"--needs comma after "Days"
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"The character's voice actors are Kōki Uchiyama and Jesse McCartney in Japanese and English respectively."--maybe clarify that this is the Japanese/English versions, as it might be interpreted as he is a Japanese voice in the English version
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Since his introduction in Kingdom Hearts II, Roxas has received"--clarify, as it says he was first introduced at the end of KH:COM.
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
Speaking of that, "Roxas first appeared in "Another Side, Another Story", a bonus trailer found in Kingdom Hearts, as well as in the ending of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories." seems to half-contradict that, as it implies that he was first seen in the original KH, and also COM--maybe add that to the mention in the lede?
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Roxas begins to see memories of the series protagonist's, Sora, adventures in dreams"--grammatically incorrect; change to "Roxas begins to see memories of Sora's adventures in dreams".  fetchcomms☛ 02:07, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"and implanted false ones to make Roxas unaware of his past to make him merge with Sora"--there are 2 "to"s in a row, change to "and implanted false ones to make Roxas unaware of his past so he would merge with Sora"
Also, what do you mean by "merge with Sora"?
That's what happens. He just merges within Sora.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Sora later learns that Roxas is his Nobody, a being created when Sora briefly lost his heart during the first game"--this is the exact same thing as said in the lede, no need to explain what the nobody is twice.
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Xenmas brought Roxas to Organization XIII as he could wield the Keyblade, weapon which would help them to capture hearts."--should be "Xemnas", and also fix the link, and should be "Keyblade, a weapon"
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"the staff worked hard"--which staff, exactly, Square Enix's? Maybe change to "Nomura's team" if that's accurate
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Additional scenes regarding Roxas' past were added to the title"--it's certainly not the title of the game--does this mean it's cover art, or a title scene within the game, or what?
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"When he discovers that Xion is a Replica of Sora created by Xemnas"--does "Replica" need to be capitalized (is it an official type, like Nobodies or Heartless?)  fetchcomms☛ 18:01, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
Uncapitalized.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
"Sora later learns that Roxas is his Nobody, during the first game."--he learns that Roxas is his nobody in KH1? I thought Roxas wasn't even a real character until KH2.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
Fixed. It mentions that Roxas was created when Sora stabbed himself in the first game.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
Check the verb tenses in the Appearances section--starts out in past ("Roxas first made a cameo") but also uses present ("A virtual representation of Roxas also appears")  in the same sort of circumstances.  fetchcomms☛ 23:55, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
Fixed.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
"to add feelings to the game in a short time frame. "--needs clarification about what the feeling means (emotion? etc.)
DoneTintor2 (talk) 02:40, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
"the staff decided to increased it"--grammatically incorrect in the sentence.
I'm not sure how it fix it.Tintor2 (talk) 02:40, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
"Organization was meant to be secret"--secret during game development, or secretive within the game?
DoneTintor2 (talk) 02:40, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
"Nomura told the scenario writers that he wanted Roxas to learn something from each one of his missions or just to have something to think for a long time"--can be changed for better flow; to "Nomura told the writers that he wanted Roxas to learn something from each of his missions or just to have something to think about"
DoneTintor2 (talk) 02:40, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
"first scene which is actually the same scene"--needs comma after "first scene"  fetchcomms☛ 02:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
DoneTintor2 (talk) 02:40, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

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