# Talk:Raid on Tybee Island

This review is transcluded from Talk:Raid on Tybee Island/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: JJonahJackalope (talk · contribs) 19:32, 30 May 2025 (UTC)
Reviewer: Dumelow (talk · contribs) 18:02, 2 October 2025 (UTC)

Happy to pick this one up - Dumelow (talk) 18:02, 2 October 2025 (UTC)


### 1. Well-written
Criteria: the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct;  and it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.

Runaway slaves during the American Revolutionary War
"In the Province of Maryland, the royal governor offered asylum to slaves who could reach a ship he had fled to"
Reads a little strangely to me. Not quite sure what the involvement of the ship is but perhaps "offered asylum to any slave who could flee to a British ship"?
Rephrased per your suggestion. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Raid on Sullivan's Island
"By the end of 1775, the runaway slave population on Sullivan's Island was roughly 500"
Simpler to say "by the end of 1775 there were around 500 runaway slaves living on Sullivan's Island"?
Rephrased per your suggestion. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"Early in the morning of December 18, a Patriot military force of about 54 infantry troops, disguised as Native Americans."
This is an incomplete sentence
Fixed this incomplete sentence. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"The day after the raid, Laurens stated that the military action would "serve to humble our Negroes in general & perhaps to mortify his Lordship not a little.""
Was he referring to Campbell or Dunmore?  Might be worth stating in square brackets
After rereading the source material, I am uncertain which individual is being specifically referred to, as both Campbell and Dunmore are mentioned in the text leading up to that quote. If you believe that the text specifically refers to one of these individuals, let me know and perhaps we can add a footnote to this section. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Runaway slaves on Tybee Island
"using the facilities on Tybee Island for housing and other operations"
I don't know that housing can be described as an "operation".
Removed the last few words from this sentence. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
What were the existing facilities on the island, we haven't mentioned what it was used for before the British arrival
I changed "facilities" to "buildings", though I do not believe that the sources are more specific than that regarding the use of the buildings. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"wrote to the South Carolina Provincial Congress that the British forces were raiding plantations along the Savannah River and stealing, among other things, "a number of negroes""
I know legally the term is probably correct for the period but is there some other phrasing we can use apart from "stealing, among other things," when relating to people?
Rephrased this section. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"In early March, Patriot forces engaged the British in Savannah in the Battle of the Rice Boats."
Is there something we can say about the effect of this on Savannah, as we mention Patriot reinforcements arriving there at the star of the next section. I only had a very quick look at the article but did it mark the declaration of the town for the Patriot cause?
Unfortunately, I do not have access to page 135 of the source cited in this section, and I am unable to see from the source I can access if the author discusses the impact of the battle on the city in terms of the Patriot movement in the city. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Planned military action
"on his return to Charleston"
Should be Charles Town, presumably?
Yes, changed accordingly. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
The bit about when the letter was received confused me, what is the importance of the two viewpoints?
I included this part because the discrepancy pertains to the role Bull played in the planning of the raid. Based on the first viewpoint presented, Bull received the letter after leaving Savannah, while in the latter, Bull was able to discuss the matters presented in the letter with the Georgia Council of Safety, which was based in Savannah. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
The raid
"Upon seeing smoke from the fires, the captain of the HMS Hinchinbrook fired two warning shots, while the HMS Cherokee fired cannonballs and grapeshot during the entire course of the raid"
Omit "the" if you are using the HMS prefix (compare: "captain of the His Majesty's Ship Hinchinbrook" vs "captain of His Majesty's Ship Hinchinbrook").
Removed both instances of "the" before "HMS" in the article. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Aftermath
"Commenting later on the raid, Royal Governor Patrick Tonyn of East Florida criticized the brutality demonstrated by the raiders"
Should this be "... Royal Governor of East Florida Patrick Tonyn ..."?
I think both would work and it's a matter of preference, like "Governor of Georgia Brian Kemp" vs. "Governor Brian Kemp of Georgia". I prefer the formatting currently used in the article, though let me know if you feel that this is an issue that needs to be changed and we can discuss further. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"Concerning the larger trend of runaway slaves seeking refuge with British, several historians have noted that the incidents pushed Patriots towards seeking independence from Great Britain."
Who are the "several historians"? The citations are to two (Sensbach and Ryan).  This is repeated in the lead
Modified this section. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Lead/infobox
"On March 25, 1776, Archibald Bulloch, a Patriot military leader in the Province of Georgia, led a force of several dozen militiamen, alongside about 30 Creek soldiers, conducted a raid on the British-controlled Tybee Island during the American Revolutionary War."
Something awry here, replace "conducted" with "in" or otherwise resolve
Changed "conducted" to "in". -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"Largely due to the lack of primary sources regarding the raid, historians are unsure as to whether or not the proposed massacre ever occurred, with several speculating that the runaway slaves had largely left the island by the time the raid occurred."
The "lack of primary sources" bit isn't strictly stated in the main text which uses "Due in large part to the secrecy surrounding the raid"
Rephrased this section of the lead. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
"Several" historians isn't supported by the main text which names one historian (Ryan) and a "political commentator" (Phillips) as holding this view
Rephrased this section of the lead. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Infobox states 1 killed on the Georgian side and 3 killed on the British side but the main text discusses 0-1 and 1-3 respectively
Edited infobox to correct this. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
There is a stray coordinate floating at the bottom of the page (below "Further reading")
Moved coordinates from the bottom of the page to the infobox. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Review against criteria 1 complete, remainder to follow - Dumelow (talk) 21:37, 2 October 2025 (UTC)


### 2. Verifiable with no original research
Criteria: it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline; reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose); it contains no original research; and it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.

Sources are cited inline throughout
Sources used look to be reliable, there is one older source (Jones 1883) but it is used largely in combination with modern ones
Source verification:
"This raid would be the first military offensive of the war to take place in eastern South Carolina" checks out to Raphael 2009, p. 225.
"Concerning the discrepancy, historian Peter H. Wood said, "If fifty unarmed black refugees had in fact been massacred, preferring death over re-enslavement, the Council of Safety probably would not commit such a gruesome fact to paper in its report. But its members ... were not afraid to sanction such brutality where their own chattels were concerned."" checks out to Wood 1997, p. 8.
"He penned a letter that night, calling the proposed massacre "an awful business", but nonetheless giving his support for the plan, recommending that white Patriots lead the company of Creek fighters." checks out to Ryan 2010, p. 142.
"In a 2001 book, historian Leslie Hall gives a range of between 50 and 100" checks out to Hall 2001, p. 37.
"To many Patriot leaders, these events provided the final convincing piece of evidence that a complete break from Britain was necessary" checks out to Sensbach 2008, p. 53,
I didn't spot any overly close paraphrasing during my spotchecks and Earwig flags no issues


### 3. Broad in its coverage
Criteria: it addresses the main aspects of the topic; and it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).

Article contains and appropriate level of detail


### 4. Neutral
Criteria: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.

Article looks to adhere to a neutral point of view throughout


### 5. Stable
Criteria: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

No evidence of significant disputes or recent changes


### 6. Illustrated
Criteria: media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content; and media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

Both images are appropriate and PD.  The source for the map image is broken but it is clearly of PD age.

@Dumelow:, I just wanted to reach out to let you know that I have made some edits to the article to address some of the points you made in your review. Thank you for initiating this review, and if you have any further questions, comments, or concerns, please let me know. Regards, -JJonahJackalope (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2025 (UTC)
Thanks JJonahJackalope, I am happy with your changes/comments and will pass the GAN.  FYI: Ryan (2010) is available through Wikipedia:The Wikipedia Library (via the Oxford Academic section), if you have any difficulties accessing it drop me an email and I am happy to send you any relevant pages - Dumelow (talk) 06:15, 6 October 2025 (UTC)