# Talk:Solen glimmar blank och trind

This review is transcluded from Talk:Solen glimmar blank och trind/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

My third review for you now, guess there's really many GANs of yours in the queue! --K. Peake 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

Many thanks as always. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:42, 29 November 2021 (UTC)


### Lead
Img looks good!
Thanks!
"round), is one of the Swedish poet" → "round) is one of Swedish poet"
Done.
Again, best-known and best-loved does not belong in the opening sentence
Done.
The subtitle should be the second sentence instead
Moved.
Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
Done.
"after a night" → "following a night"
Mm, I think "after" is better actually.
You used the same word earlier in the sentence and neither alters the meaning, so switch to following or something similar. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
[1] is not needed in the lead since that info is in the body and refs are discouraged here anyway
There's a direct quotation in double quotation marks, so it'd best stay.
No there is not, you are thinking of [2]. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Aha. Gone.
Only part of the subtitle is sourced in the body
Fixed.
Pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands
Done.
"It is one of Bellman's" → "The composition is one of Bellman's" and this should be the last sentence of the first para
Done.
Wikilink as Bacchanalian instead
Done.
"Places along the route can" → "Places along the route to Stockholm can" starting the second para
Done the paragraphing; no need to repeat as "back home to Stockholm" is just above.
Reception should be after the above sentence in second para, but this could be split into more than one sentence
I must say I think it works well as one sentence, as the clauses compactly build up a picture.
Isn't this overusage of "it" though? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Not to worry.
"its detail to" → "the detail to"
See item above.
"its delicacy to Watteau's," → "the delicacy to Antoine Watteau's," with the wikilink
As above; piped.
Add a final sentence mentioning the adaptation
Perhaps a bit too prominent for the item concerned.
Don't you need another sentence at least since the second para is too short? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
OK, found a sentence that seems to fit in naturally there. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:20, 30 November 2021 (UTC)


### Context
The ref in the first sentence should solely be at the end of it
Done.
"his songs at the" →"his songs at locations such as the"
Edited.
"during the eighteenth century." → "during the 18th century." per MOS:NUM
Done.
Remove comma after his employer
The comma separates the noun phrase from another noun phrase which explains it.
It is not needed for introductions like this in the body, as writing the role out and then a name makes it clear. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Done, but the issue isn't clarity but naturalness.
no. 48 → No. 48 on the img text
Done.


### Song
#### Music
Add text about the audio sample to comply with WP:NFCCP
Done.
Pipe key to Key (music)
Done.
"each of eight lines." → "each consisting of eight lines."
Done.
"CCCB. It was written" → "CCCB, while the composition was written" to avoid overly short sentences
Edited.
The quote does not need a speech mark at the end because there's not one at the start
Gone.
Pipe Antoine de Bourbon to Antoine of Navarre
Done.
opera-ballet → opéra-ballet
Done.
"where it is named as" → "under the name of"
Done.
"where Bellman obtained it," → "where Bellman obtained the melody,"
Done.
"Bellman knew it as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", and set his" → "Bellman knew the melody as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", setting his"
I think the past tense and active verb work better here, given the "knew" at the start.
"of Bacchi Tempel, and his poem" → "of Bacchi Tempel and his poem"
No, see next item.
Remove comma after the poem title
The punctuation is a natural and necessary pause here, as both the song and the poem are set to that tune: we mustn't group the poem with the concluding phrase, or we'd leave the song stranded with no target.
Only use Bellman's surname on the img text, like the previous one
Done.


#### Lyrics
Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
Done.
Remove wikilink on Stockholm
Gone.
Last para looks good!
Thanks!


#### Places mentioned
Wikilink Ulla Winblad and pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands on the img text
Done.
"in the text." → "in the text:" per them being in the box below and does ref 17 need to be there too?
Punctuated. The ref is certainly advisable to deter the tag-every-uncited-para bunnies.
Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
Done.
Pipe Saltpeter to Niter
Done.


### Reception
Remove wikilinks on Stockholm and Ulla Winblad for the img text
Gone.
"Bellman's biographer, the translator" → "Translator and Bellman biographer"
British usage.
"a masterpiece, and" → "a masterpiece and"
Done.
Remove wikilink on Watteau
Gone.
"all together they" → "he believes that all together they"
Edited.
"Elias Martin's canvasses."" → "Elias Martin's canvasses"." per MOS:QUOTE
Done.
"and that he achieved this also" → "also seeing he achieved this"
Um, surely that changes the meaning.
Shouldn't you reword to avoid overusage of "that"? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
The sentence isn't cluttered with them.
"in narrative technique, and in Fredman's" → "narrative technique, and Fredman's"
Done, but I'm a bit queasy about the result.
Pipe Goddess Venus to Venus (mythology) and remove the comma afterwards
Done.
Remove pipe on Neptune
No, that'd mean the planet instead.
You've piped to the article elsewhere, so try rewording to specify what Neptune is being referred to. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Oh you mean unlink. Done.
"states that the song paints" → "states the song paints"
Better with than without.
Overusage of "that" on this and the next one, again? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Rereading it, I'm still quite comfortable with it as it is with just 2 instances.
"that the verses offer" → "the verses offer"
Ditto.
"that Ulla is here no" → "how Ulla Winblad is here no"
Done.
"and that the text of" → "and how the text of"
Done.
"where the seasick Ulla drops" → "where Ulla Winblad is seasick and drops"
That changes the sense. Presumably she became seasick while in the boat. Also it's what Lönnroth said.
Use the full name, as this is not a real person. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Done, but neither I nor the scholars cited see that as a rule.
Penultimate para looks good!
Thanks.
"one of the songs most" → "one of the ones most" to avoid overusage of songs
Said "pieces".
"in both cases, it was" → "In both cases, the composition was" as a new sentence and to avoid overly repetitive wording
Edited.


### Recordings and adaptations
Like before, can you add enough info for any of these to meet WP:SONGCOVER?
Cut for now, I may look for discussions of the recordings one day.
Remove the comma after Mikael Samuelson
Done.
Italicise festschrift
Done.


### References
Copyvio score looks phenomenal at 6.5%!!!
Noted.
The Bellman Society → Bellman Society on ref 4 with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
Done.
Is ref 12 really necessary when pp. 207–211 is part of what ref 18 cites anyway?
Merged.
Ref 16 should be a note at the top of this section instead
Done.
Wikilink Växjö University on ref 20 and add the language parameter
Done.
Remove or replace refs 22 and 24 per WP:RSP
Done.


### Sources
Wikilink Albert Bonniers Förlag instead
Done.
Pipe Simon and Schuster to Simon & Schuster
Done.


### External links
Add the website name that the text is at
Done.


### Final comments and verdict
 On hold until everything is resolved; your response time has been very impressive! --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Chiswick Chap  Pass now, I don't take any issues with the usage of that upon second consideration and regarding the fullname of the character being used, that is a Wiki policy when names are not real ones. --K. Peake 10:24, 30 November 2021 (UTC)