# Talk:Star Wars Episode I: Obi-Wan's Adventures

This review is transcluded from Talk:Star Wars Episode I: Obi-Wan's Adventures/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: --Hadger 18:26, 10 January 2010 (UTC) I (Hadger) am requesting someone else to review this, because I think it may need expansion, so I wouldn't really be good at reviewing it.


### Secondary comments
I know I beat the initial reviewer, but I wanted to point out a few things:

There is no mention of the game's reception in the lead, this is required.
Yes, there is: "The game has been criticized for its visuals and controls, but praised for its sound design and creative levels." Theleftorium 21:30, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
There is no screenshot to illustrate gameplay.
Screenshot added. Theleftorium 22:06, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
There isn't any alt text for the images.  Per WP:ALT this is required.
Done. Theleftorium 21:30, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Alt text doesn't exist for the new screenshot. --Teancum (talk) 22:25, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Added. Theleftorium 22:32, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Captions are not the same as alt text.  See WP:ALT --Teancum (talk) 22:36, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
I am aware of that. In this case, however, an explanation of what's happening in the image is required in both the caption and the alt text. Theleftorium 22:43, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
The image of George Lucas does little to add to the article.  It seems just a way to put a free image in.
Removed. Theleftorium 21:30, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Although I am not the reviewer anymore, you seem to have replaced the image with an irrelevant one. If you can, maybe you can put it in a different section of the article. --Hadger 22:48, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Could you elaborate? Theleftorium 22:56, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Nevermind. You already did it. --Hadger 23:55, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
There is no mention of any aggregate scores, such as GameRankings or Metacritic.  It's a WP:VG standard to include them.
Added GameRankings. The game is not available on Metacritic. Theleftorium 21:37, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Though there is a section called Gameplay and Plot, little-to-no mention is actually made of the game's plot, but rather a 1-2 sentence comprising of a "here are the levels you play" statement.  Expansion would be appreciated.
Done. Theleftorium 21:47, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
The plot is still rather thin.  Are there no text-based cutscenes or anything else to help flesh it out?  Given that its a Star Wars game there should be enough of a plot to warrant its own section.  I realize its a GBA game, but a two paragraph plot should be a minimum.  I like the inclusion of a link to The Phantom Menace's plot, but don't be afraid to repeat parts of that plot if their specific to the game.  If the game really doesn't have anything to drive plot-wise that's fine, but if there's anything that can expand the plot that would help passing GAN much easier.
I would love to add more information about the plot but the problem is that there are no reliable sources that discusses it in depth. I have searched very thoroughly on Google and NewsBank. Theleftorium 22:52, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Per WP:PLOTSUM the plot itself does not need to be sourced from external sources.  External sources help, but are not necessary. Don't worry about sourcing it if you can't, just expand it, and source what you can externally. --Teancum (talk) 01:05, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
The plot has been expanded now. Theleftorium 16:11, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
I'd encourage use of the VG Reviews template to sum up the scores.  It's fairly standard on video game articles. --Teancum (talk) 22:36, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Done. Theleftorium 23:07, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
The sentence in the Reception section Obi-Wan's Adventures was released on November 27, 2000,[1] with an "Everyone" rating from the Entertainment Software Rating Board.[13] The game has received mixed reviews from critics, and scored a 62.33% rating on GameRankings. needs to be split.  Release information should be in the lead.
Which sentence do you mean (you mentioned two)? Also, isn't the lead supposed to be a summary of the article? Theleftorium 12:58, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
Oh sorry, I selected too much.  Just the first sentence.  And it can actually just be omitted from the Reception section. --Teancum (talk) 15:57, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
I split the sentence and moved it to the Development section. I thought it fit better there. Theleftorium 16:11, 11 January 2010 (UTC)

Comment Everything discussed so far has been covered.  Still need to go through the prose with a fine-tooth comb, but other than that things look good. --Teancum (talk) 19:00, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
Secondary opinion: Teancum (talk) 21:04, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

I don't think I would really be the type who reviews this article because it should be expanded. You can review it if you want. --Hadger 21:11, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
I'll go ahead and take this up if you don't mind. --Teancum (talk) 22:36, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Sure. You can review it if you want to. Thanks, by the way! :) --Hadger 22:46, 10 January 2010 (UTC)


### Prose
Plot

As they make their way there, they are attacked by more Federation troops, but the two Jedi are able to defeat them. - is this attack on Coruscant, or before they leave Naboo?
 Done It's on Coruscant. Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Change Jedi Master Yoda tells to Jedi Master Yoda instructs
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
This sentence needs rewording: When they reach Theed, they discover that the city has been taken over by the Federation and they set out to liberate it. - I would suggest Upon reaching Theed, the jedi set out to liberate the city, now overrun by the Federation.
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Change Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon find out to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon discover, and remove the word troops from the end of that sentence.
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Change Afterwards, the two Jedi steal an assault tank that they use to infiltrate the palace. After fighting the troops, they manage to free the queen. to simply The Jedi infiltrate the palace and manage to free the queen.
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Meanwhile, Jedi Anakin Skywalker commandeers --- Anakin isn't even a padawan at this point.
 Done Changed to "Obi-Wan's young friend". I hope that's good. :) Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Mention should be made of what happens after Obi-Wan kills Darth Maul to complete the story.
 Done Theleftorium 18:00, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Gameplay

There are a total of nine levels in it: "Trade Federation Landing Craft", "Naboo Swamp", "Naboo Swamp and Sacred Place", "Coruscant", "Catacombs of Theed", "Streets of Theed", "Queen Amidala's Palace", and "The Final Battle". needs to be removed entirely per WP:GAMETRIVIA.  A list of levels simply isn't encyclopedic.
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
It needs to mention that the player controls Obi-Wan, even though its obvious (as the game might allow for one-off controlling of other characters)
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
to control his lightsaber and blaster should not mention gender.  Change his to their
Actually, his refers to Obi-Wan. Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
Reception

Samantha Craggs of The Electric Playground's comment is extremely long. Consider breaking it up, or preferably shortening it.
 Done Theleftorium 17:23, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
-Teancum (talk) 16:37, 13 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments. I think I have addressed them all. :) Theleftorium 18:46, 13 January 2010 (UTC)
PASS --Teancum (talk) 19:25, 13 January 2010 (UTC)

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