# Talk:When I Was Older

This review is transcluded from Talk:When I Was Older/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Starting on this today --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


### Infobox and lead
Infobox looks good
"by American singer Billie Eilish." → "by American singer Billie Eilish from the soundtrack album Music Inspired by the Film Roma (2018)."
Use the second sentence for song release date instead, writing "The song was released as a single by Sony Masterworks on January 9, 2019."
 Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
"the latter handled the production" → "the latter handled production"
Don't see any referencing of heartbreak in the body so this is WP:OR right now
Mention the critical reception in a new second sentence of the second para; start this sentence with the title of the song before mentioning the reviews
Also, give mention of what was praised/commented on if possible
Swap the order of the live performances and chart position sentences around
"The song was performed live" → "It was performed live"
"Eilish's 2019 When We All Fall Asleep Tour and her Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2020" → "Eilish's When We All Fall Asleep Tour and Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2019 and 2020, respectively"
"number 11 on the" → "number 11 on the US"
Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 17:30, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


### Background and release
"The songs title was inspired" → "She stated that the song's title was inspired"
"“When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm.”" → ""When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm."" since the speech marks are formatted incorrectly right now; the punctuation can stay within quotes here because it is a full sentence
"Eilish revealed that the 2018 movie" → "Eilish revealed the 2018 movie"
[3][1][4] put in numerical order
Release date is incorrect in the single sentence and mention that it was for digital download and streaming in various countries
 Not done As you have not mentioned it being in various countries and why are the labels different here from in the infobox? --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
"added to the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut album" → "included on the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut studio album"
"her brother, Finneas O'Connell, who also" → "her brother Finneas O'Connell, and he also"
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 17:40, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


### Composition and lyrical interpretation
Target beats per minute to Tempo
""When I Was Older" has been described" → "It has been described"
"says the song starts with" → "said the song starts with"
Add release years of the tracks in brackets
user: Kyle Peake: Where do I add this? DarklyShadows (talk) 17:56, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

DarklyShadows directly after the title of the Lil Uzi Vert track mentioned, put its release year in brackets and do the same directly after the other track; keep this outside of the speech marks for title, of course. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
"in a statement "When" → "in a statement, "When"
"us convey this.”" → "us convey this.""
"According to Wandera Hussein of The Fader, Eilish's auto-tuned vocals come in, saying it" → "Wandera Hussein of The Fader said of Eilish's auto-tuned vocals coming in that it"
Maybe add mention of the lyrics relating to heartbreak?
[16][12][13] put in numerical order
"In the flood." are" → "In the flood" are" since the quote ending indicates it's the end of the lines
"of the trees burning" → "of trees burning"
"outside of a house."" → "outside of a house." since this is not inside a quote so why is it here?
"noted that the singer" → "noted that Eilish"
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:30, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


### Reception and promotion
"Upon release, "When I Was Older" was generally praised by" → ""When I Was Older" was met with generally positive reviews from"
"and is "shaping up" → "and "shaping up"
"called the song" → "called it"
"Derrick Rossignol, writing for Uproxx magazine, stated" → "Rossignol stated"
"how “When I Was Older” has" → "how "When I Was Older" has"
"although its" → "although wrote its"
"and call it a" → "and called the track a"
"praised the song for the lyrics" → "praised the track for the lyrics"
"limited success on the charts" → "limited success on record charts"
Remove wikilink on Billboard at this point per WP:OVERLINK
"US Alternative Digital Song Sales" → "Alternative Digital Song Sales" and target to Billboard charts
"number seven on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number three on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number nine" → "number 7 on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number 3 on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number 9" per MOS:NUM instating the comparative values need to be consistent
[22][23][24] put them all at the end of the sentence since it's only three refs
 Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
[25][26] ditto
user:Kyle Peake Which references are you talking about for 25 and 26? DarklyShadows (talk) 18:06, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

I mean the ones of the last sentence in this section; place both at the end of the sentence instead. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


### Credits and personnel
Use {{spaced ndash}} so there is the right space between credits and personnel
User: Kyle Peake: Can you help me? I do not know how to do this... DarklyShadows (talk) 18:11, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Take "Wouldn't Leave" for example --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:33, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


### Charts
Are you sure it should be (Recorded Music NZ) instead for the third chart entry of the table?
Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts
 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 18:13, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


### References
Make sure all of these are archived using the tool
Copyvio score is too high at 43.2% and 41.2% for refs 2 and 11, respectively; decrease this by trimming down quotes
 Not done Score looks too high at 41.5%, right now. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
MOS:QWQ issues for ref 1
Change ref 2 to citing Rolling Stone instead of RollingStone; for suggestions like this where I have italicised the parameter, I am suggesting for work/website to be used as that auto italicises things so I thought I'd clarify to stop any confusion
MOS:QWQ issues for ref 4
Use the numerous citations template for ref 5 to verify the release was in various countries and only wikilink iTunes Store the first citation plus add the region retailer in brackets; iTunes Store (US), for example
 Not done But use "Sober" for a guideline --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
Remove wikilink to iTunes Store on ref 6
Change ref 7 to citing Empik as publisher instead with the wikilink and change the accessdate to the commonly used format
Fix ref 8's accessdate and MOS:QWQ issues, also cite Tidal as publisher instead
 Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
MOS:QWQ issues for ref 9
Fix authors on ref 10 for consistency with the formatting of the others in the article, plus don't use "and" to separate the last two either
 Not done and you should keep the multiple authors, but use last1=, first1=, last2=, first2=, etc. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
Remove wikilink to Rolling Stone on ref 12
MOS:QWQ issues for refs 15 and 16
Add the date for ref 19
Ditto for ref 21
 Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
Remove wikilink on Variety on ref 23
MOS:QWQ issues for ref 25
Remove wikilink on Consequence of Sound on ref 26 and fix MOS:QWQ issues
user: Kyle Peake Can you give me an example of how to use MOS:QWQ? DarklyShadows (talk) 18:48, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

When there are speech marks that you placed inside the titles of references, replace them with ' instead since ref titles themselves are automatically put into speech marks so you don't want any added speech marks from the title parameter to any refs. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


### Final comments and verdict
 On hold but like last time I reviewed one of your articles, feel free to ask me if help is needed with anything. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:31, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
user: Kyle Peake Sorry for the late response. All of the issues should be fixed. DarklyShadows (talk) 02:56, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

{u|DarklyShadows}} There are some issues that you still have not fixed, I will mark a  Not done template under each. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
user: Kyle Peake Everything should be taken care of.

DarklyShadows All good apart from ref 8's missing accessdate and ref 21's missing date. --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:46, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
Kyle Peake I fixed those issues now. DarklyShadows (talk) 16:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
Was happy to respond to you on any issues when confused arose,  Pass! --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:44, 6 June 2020 (UTC)