# Talk:R. Ames Montgomery

This review is transcluded from Talk:R. Ames Montgomery/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 05:34, 6 February 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Fritzmann2002 (talk · contribs) 10:04, 16 June 2024 (UTC)

Hi PCN02WPS, I'll be performing the review for this article. Fritzmann (message me) 10:04, 16 June 2024 (UTC)
Prose

"Ordained as a Presbyterian..." is what I have heard as the proper usage, but correct me if I'm wrong there. It's present in a few other places too
Fixed both occurrences. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
Link Ordained to Ordination, perhaps?
Added in both places too. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
"...who signed a petition to remove him from office. He resigned in June 1926..." was the resignation a result of the petition, or an unrelated retirement? That should be clarified just a bit in the lede
Done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
"He attended Miami University" The placement of this sentence implies that it is R. Ames' brother that attended Miami
Fixed. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
Would a split of the Career section be warranted? Perhaps with a subsection on Early Career and his career at Centre, since those seem to be the two major eras
Done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
"also held a pastorate in Edgerton, Ohio, during his career" are there any clues as to the timing of this pastorate?
Unfortunately, not that I could find. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
"He was in St. Louis on June 5, 1917" this seems like a strange way to set up the sentence. I think just stating something like: "He was elected president of Parsons College on June 5, 1917, in St. Louis..."
Reworded and removed the bit about St. Louis since I don't think that's super relevant. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
What is "Founders Day"?
Probably the anniversary of that college's founding, though that's not particularly relevant so I took it out. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
"This came just weeks after Parsons received a large gift of $10,000 () from the Fairfield Retail Merchants Association" Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not making the connection here
There is no connection, just poor wording. Reordered these sentences. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
Totally not at all required, but I noticed that the article on the Harvard game is an FA, but doesn't mention the impact on Centre University or Montgomery's changes at all. Might be worth it to include those details if you get a chance!
Hey, I wrote that! Probably the article I'm most proud of and my favorite FA. Good idea to include that - I'll see if I can do so when I get some more time soon! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
The sentence starting "A new playing facility on campus..." should just be split, it is quite unwieldy
Split. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
I made a few very minor changes, please look at them to double check I didn't introduce any issues
Overall, the prose is very well constructed. I have no issues with the breadth or composition of the article, and once the few nitpicks above are resolved the prose will be in excellent shape.
Referencing

Ref 1 should probably be placed at the end of the sentence
Done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:04, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
General referencing formatting is excellent; the newpaper.com clippings will make it very easy to do spot checks, so thank you
Refs 15, 17, 21 (though it isn't explicitly said, the info can be easily inferred from the newspaper date), 33 (I love small-town drama), and 38 all verified with no source-text integrity issues.
Overall, a fantastic article! Just a few small fixes and it should be good to get the green plus. Drop me a ping once you've finished so I can do a final sweep and promotion. Fritzmann (message me) 10:04, 16 June 2024 (UTC)

@Fritzmann2002: Thank you for the kind words and the review! Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I believe I've addressed or responded to everything above! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:05, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
Looks good to me, promoting now, congrats! Fritzmann (message me) 20:49, 26 June 2024 (UTC)