# Talk:Wim Umboh

This review is transcluded from Talk:Wim Umboh/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)
I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)
Here are the issues I found:

Be consistent on whether sentences starting with "In (year)" have a comma after the year. They should, and I see a few that don't, and phrases like "By August 1980 Umboh" need a comma after the year too.
I've removed the commas, as they shouldn't be  used in British English.
Going off of that, there are a few more sentences that start like that than I would like. It's unavoidable, but it can be limited.
I've trimmed the number
"Umboh's 1972 film Mama was the first shot in 70 mm film and stereo sound." first film anywhere or just in Indonesia?
Added "local production"
"when Teguh Karya's Ibunda (Mother) took away 9 Citras" nine
Done.
"divorcée 17 years his younger," 17 years his junior sounds a bit better, and is the term used more often for this situation. Same for "descent 28 years his younger."
Done and done
There are a few instances where there are a slew of sentences that can be combined, usually with one of the two being quite short; an example is "That same year, he married R.O. Unarsih; the couple had a daughter, Maria Umboh, the following year.[5] In 1957 they divorced.[6]" which can easily be one full statement. The prose as a whole is decent, but it can certainly be fine tuned.
I've given it a once over. How's this?
I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 20:56, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:20, 22 June 2012 (UTC)
Looks good. I see no further issues, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 02:46, 23 June 2012 (UTC)