# Talk:Straylight Run (album)

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BetacommandBot (talk) 06:18, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Straylight Run (album)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:27, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Another review for the GAN Backlog --K. Peake 11:27, 6 October 2020 (UTC)


### Infobox and lead
Producers should be separated with bullet points instead of commas
The release sentence should be the second of this paragraph instead of the first of the second para; I will later instruct what to re-word it to
"Shaun Cooper after the pair left" → "Shaun Cooper, after both of them left"
"and Nolan's sister, Michelle Nolan," → "and John's sister Michelle Nolan," with the appropriate target per MOS:SAMESURNAME
"They made some demos and toured through" → "The band recorded some demos and toured throughout"
"on their debut album." → "on the album."
"They tracked it at" → "Straylight Run tracked it at"
Wikilink Woodstock, New York
"and June 2004 with" → "and June 2004, with"
"The record was released in October 2004 through independent label" → "It was released on October 12, 2004, through"
"Several tours across the US followed with" → "The band embarked on several accompanying tours across the United States with"
"Something Corporate and Firescape, and performances at" → "Something Corporate, and Firescape, as well as delivering performances for"
"The music on Straylight Run moved away" → "The music on Straylight Run moved away"
"Taking Back Sunday into piano-centred" → "Taking Back Sunday, transitioning into piano-centred"
Last sentence should be about the critical reception in this para; move the one from the third para to this position instead
"sold 11,000 copies in its first week of release and reached number 100 on the Billboard 200." → "reached number 100 on the US Billboard 200 in the first week of release, with sales of 11,000 copies."
"In addition, it reached the top five of the" → "It further charted at number four on the"
Identify the chart as Independent Albums since that is the full name
"It would go on to sell over 225,000 copies as of September 2005." → "As of September 2005, the album has sold over 225,000 copies." and mention that this is in the US only
"received a positive response from critics," → "received generally positive reviews from music critics," with the target
"complimenting the album's sound and others disliking" → "complimenting the sound though others disliked"


### Background
Retitle to Background and recording
"debut album, Tell All Your Friends, in" → "debut studio album Tell All Your Friends in"
"the group found themselves" → "the band found themselves"
"the band, with bassist Shaun Cooper leaving" → "Taking Back Sunday, while bassist Shaun Cooper left"
"Taking Back Sunday frontman Adam Lazzara said that" → "Frontman Adam Lazzara said that"
"touring, however, Nolan later accused" → "touring; however, John later accused"
"to his sister Michelle," → "to his sister Michelle Nolan," with the target
"Nolan and Cooper formed" → "John Nolan and Cooper formed"
"These recordings laid" → "The recordings laid"
"pop songs which would" → "pop songs, which would" with the target
"After recording the demos," → "After the demos had been recorded,"
"and Cooper and Nolan were" → "while Cooper and Nolan were"
"work with Breaking Pangaea." → "work as part of Breaking Pangaea."
"Nolan was sharing an apartment with his sister, Michelle, at the time. He learned" → "John was sharing an apartment with Michelle at the time, with him learning"
"to do anything with them." → "to do anything with the songs."
"Witnessing her talent, he decided" → "Observing her talent, John Nolan decided"
"The quartet continued practicing" → "With their line-up complete, the quartet continued practicing" since the source mentions this
"the name Straylight Run." → "the name Straylight Run, after a large amount of discussion and debating." since this is notable
"In August, Nolan and Cooper" → "In August 2003, Nolan and Cooper"
"fan-recorded versions were" → "fan-recorded versions of the songs were"
Where do any of the sources mention two songs on the radio showcase?
"the band quickly posted" → "Straylight Run quickly posted"
"to help keep up" → "for helping keep up"
"being posted, the band was playing" → "being posted online, the band were playing"
"the band was attracting offers" → "Straylight Run were attracting offers"
"major labels and interest" → "major labels as well as interest"
"The group embarked on" → "The band embarked on"
"of the northeast US" → "of the northeast United States"
"closed the year," → "closed out the year,"
"US tour (co-headlining with the New Amsterdams), and" → "US tour that they co-headlined with the New Amsterdams, and"


### Writing and production
"their debut album," → "their debut studio album,"
"on their UK tour in" → "on their tour of the United Kingdom in"
Target acoustic to Acoustic music
"the track retained its" → "the tracks retained their"
"structure but had a different feel to it" → "structure, but some had a different feel to them"
"added their parts to it." → "added their parts."
"As a result, the band were" → "As a result of this, Straylight Run were"
Wikilink Woodstock, New York
"to record their album at" → "to record the album at"
"away from Nolan" → "away from John Nolan"
"With a brief break to play" → "After a brief break to play at"
"concluded in June." → "concluded in June of that year."
"The band lived in" → "Straylight Run lived in"
"Bethpage, New York, for" → "Bethpage, New York, for the tracks" with the wikilink
"Album sessions were produced and recorded by" → "Straylight Run was produced and recorded by both"
"later mixed the recordings." → "also mixed the album." with the target
"and incorporated new songs" → "and created new songs"
"of The Format contributed vocals" → "of the Format contributed additional vocals" per MOS:THEMUSIC
"provided additional vocals on" → "both provided additional vocals on"


### Composition
Retitle to Composition and lyrics
"featured Nolan (left) and Cooper (right)" → "featured John Nolan (left) and Shaun Cooper (right)" on the img main text, with the targets
Imgs need alt text


#### Overview
Does not need to be a sub-section or even sub-heading, just keep as the first two paras of this section
"Nolan said that" → "John Nolan said that"
"when in reality they showcased" → "when in reality the change showcased"
"by the time that album" → "by the time the album"
"the writing of those songes" → "the writing of the songs"
Remove wikilink on Emo
"of Taking Back Sunday and into indie rock territory." → "of Taking Back Sunday, transitioning into an indie rock sound."
"Though the album retains" → "Though Straylight Run retains"
Target synth to Synthesizer
"and "Now It's Done" and provides" → "and "Now It's Done", alongside providing"


#### Tracks
Does not need to be a sub-section or even sub-heading, but keep as separate paras below the first two in the new order
"The opening track," → "Straylight Run's opening track,"
"vocals and pianos, with accompanying bells" → "vocals over pianos, alongside accompanying bells"
Target hook to Hook (music)
"from Nolan, before Nolan and his sister harmonize in" → "from John, before him and Michelle harmonize vocally on"
Target refrain to Chorus
"Nolan plays a" → "John plays a"
"escalates from a sole piano" → "escalates from a lone piano"
Target chords to Chord (music)
"Nolan said it was about" → "John Nolan said the track is about"
"are reminiscent of" → "were described as reminiscent of"
"a coda with violins." → "a coda and violins at the end."
Wikilink "Sunrise Highway" per MOS:LINK2SECT
"It was written a few years" → "The track was written a few years"
Remove target on Brand New
Wikilink Massapequa, New York
"up-tempo electronic instrumentation, such as synthesizers." → "up-tempo electronic instrumentation, which includes synths." with the wikilink and target
"highlights the band's musical strengths" → "incorporates the band's musical strengths"
"second verse"." → "second verse.""


### Release
Retitle to Release and promotion
"the band signed with independent" → "Straylight Run signed to independent record label" with the wikilink
"After finishing the recording, the band" → "After finishing the recording of Straylight Run, the band"
"in June and July." → "in June and July of 2004."
"for release in September." → "for release in September of that year."
"The band appeared on" → "Straylight Run appeared on"
Target KROQ to KROQ-FM
"from the album and" → "from Straylight Run and"
"On September 26, the group filmed a video" → "On September 26, 2004, the band filmed a music video" with the wikilink
"The train repeatedly" → "The subway train repeatedly"
Wikilink MTV
"was released on October 12 through." → "was released on October 12, 2004, through."
"the band held" → "Straylight Run delivered"
"In October and November," → "In October and November of 2004,"
"the band won" → "Straylight Run won"
Target Launch.com to Yahoo! Music Radio
"which earned them a" → "which earned them the spot to deliver a"
"In January and February, the band" → "In January and February of 2005, the band"
"Following this tour, the group played" → "Following the tour, Straylight Run played"
"before embarking on a UK tour in March." → "before they embarked on a UK tour in March of that year."
"In April and May," → "In April and May of 2005,"
Target vinyl to Phonograph record


### Reception
Wikilink Johnny Loftus
"said that the while the album included" → "said that while Straylight Run includes"
"added that the band" → "continued, saying Straylight Run"
"Spin compared Nolan's" → "the staff of Spin compared Nolan"
"found it" → "found the album to be"
"texture than catharsis"," → "texture than catharsis,""
"Michelle's vocal appearance" → "Michelle Nolan's vocal appearance"
"change-up" with the rest of the group" → "change-up," with the rest of the band"
"wrote that the record" → "wrote that Straylight Run"
"let down"," → "let down,""
"emotionally charged", while saying that" → "emotionally charged," though said that"
"the tracks with Michelle" → "the tracks with Nolan"
"Straylight Run sold over 11,000 copies within its first week of release, reaching number 100 on the Billboard 200." → "Commercially, Straylight Run reached number 100 on the US Billboard 200, with first week sales of over 11,000 copies."
"It also reached number four" → "It also entered at number four"
Target Billboard to Billboard (magazine)
"the album had sold over 225,000 copies." → "the album has sold over 225,000 copies in the US."
"on a best-of emo songs list" → "on a list of the best emo songs"
Target Vulture to Vulture.com per MOS:LINK2SECT


### Track listing
Are you sure it is not known who produced each one of the tracks?


### Personnel
Personnel per booklet,[15] except where noted. → Personnel per booklet.[15] since the sources make it clear that info is taken from them
Target Shaun Cooper to Shaun Cooper (musician)
Remove wikilink on Will Noon


### Charts
Good


### References
Copyvio score looks smooth at 25.4%
Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool
Remove or replace ref 1 per WP:RSSM
I thought this one would be fine since you previously said that SM was alright for interviews, as ref 1 is an interview with the band's bassist Shaun Cooper. Yeepsi (talk) 14:06, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
Remove wikilinks on Straylight Run and Victory Records for ref 15
Authorlink Johnny Loftus on ref 18
Retitle ref 33 to Newsletter #209
Retitle ref 34 to Newsletter #288
Target Vulture to Vulture.com on ref 41 per MOS:LINK2SECT


### Final comments and verdict
 On hold until the issues are fixed, which should not take too long since I did notice that you have some good writing skills! --K. Peake 13:48, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
Done! Yeepsi (talk) 14:06, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
Yeepsi Sorry for the late response, I did not know you had completed what I proposed because I wasn't mentioned and had been busy elsewhere on this site.  Pass! --K. Peake 08:23, 13 October 2020 (UTC)