# Talk:Red Alarm

This review is transcluded from Talk:Red Alarm/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Niwi3 (talk · contribs) 23:15, 9 November 2015 (UTC)

Overall, a fairly solid article. Here are the issues I've found:


### Lead
Is it possible to expand the lead so it has two paragraphs of 3 or 4 lines each?
Given that information on the game is so thin, I struggled even to get a single full paragraph for the lead. I'm not sure what I could add to it without repeating too much of the article body. Any suggestions? JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
Mmmm... I see what you mean. I tried to slightly expand it myself but in the end I just felt it was better to leave it as it currently is. It's not very long, but it summarizes the article nicely, which is the most important thing. --Niwi3 (talk) 19:17, 10 November 2015 (UTC)
You may want to introduce Battlezone since readers might not be familiar with that game: "However, hardware constraints limited the visuals to bare wire-frame models, similar to those of Battlezone." -> "However, hardware constraints limited the visuals to bare wire-frame models, similar to those of the 1980 arcade game Battlezone."
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
"but certain publications praised it as one of the best Virtual Boy titles" -- Can you give some reasons why some reviewers felt it was one of the best Virtual Boy titles?
Took a shot at this. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)


### Gameplay and plot
"becomes sentient and builds an army with which to wipe out humanity." -- I would simplify this to: "becomes sentient and builds an army to wipe out humanity"
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
"As a Virtual Boy game, Red Alarm features a red-and-black color palette and stereoscopic 3D visuals, the depth of which may be adjusted by the player." -- this should be moved to the first paragraph because it is gameplay presentation. Start the gameplay section like this: "Red Alarm is a shoot 'em up that takes place in a three-dimensional (3D) graphical environment.[1] As a Virtual Boy game, it features a red-and-black color palette and stereoscopic 3D visuals,[1][2] the depth of which may be adjusted by the player.[3] The game is set during the 21st....". Then start the second paragraph like this: "Assuming control of a "Tech-Wing" space fighter, the player seeks to destroy KAOS's forces and finally its mainframe.[4] The game is broken up into six levels,[5] each of which culminates in a boss fight.[4][6] The player uses the Tech-Wing's laser cannons..."
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)


### Development
"Nintendo tried to 'maintain as much control as possible' over Virtual Boy game development, so that low-quality releases by outside companies could be avoided." -- No comma needed between the words development and so.
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
Again, you may want to introduce Battlezone.
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
I would rename the develoment section to "Development and release". Not a big issue though.
Done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)


### Reception
I would consider the AllGame review as a retrospective review, so I would move it to the third paragraph.
That whole part was added in a drive-by edit by another editor. I don't think the review contributes much anyway, so I just hid it. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
"highlighted Red Alarm as one of the Virtual Boy's most visually impressive games, due to its polygonal graphics." No comma needed between the words games and due.
It's a run-on now, but done. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
I think that's it. Please let me know if anything is unclear. Thanks. --Niwi3 (talk) 23:15, 9 November 2015 (UTC)

Many thanks for the review! Responded above. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:49, 9 November 2015 (UTC)
I did some small edits to the article and now I think it looks better. Feel free to change them if you don't agree. Alright, this is a pass. Keep up the good work. --Niwi3 (talk) 19:17, 10 November 2015 (UTC)

This recent source (http://www.nintendolife.com/news/2015/12/feature_the_making_of_red_alarm_the_virtual_boys_answer_to_star_fox) has much more on the game's development czar 17:08, 17 December 2015 (UTC)