# Talk:Jason Kipnis

You may want to expand the early life section (the time in his life before high school). Also you might not need four references to support any given sentence (such as "Kipnis additionally was a kick returner and a place kicker for the team." being supported by four references). The article should be developed from reliable sources that are independent of Jason Kipnis. For example, the first reference[1] is from the Arizona Sun Devil's website, which is not independent of Jason Kipnis, but is widely used in the article. Since the lead merely summarizes the rest of the article, you don't normally need cites in the lead paragraph of the article. -- Uzma Gamal (talk) 13:33, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

I'm not sure where I could find independent sources of him. Do you?--Astros4477 (talk) 16:07, 22 July 2012 (UTC)
Would info from the Indians be considered a reliable, independent source? Zepppep (talk) 00:51, 23 July 2012 (UTC)
My two cents' worth as re: GA nomination: there is not much in regards to the 1.5 yrs he's played in the MLB, but there is a whole lot devoted to his minor league days. I would add more info. re: MLB career. Also, Early and Personal life sections are pretty thin. People have heard of Kipnis because he made the big leagues, not for what he may have done before reaching that level. (full disclosure: I have worked on this article.) Zepppep (talk) 02:33, 31 July 2012 (UTC)
Well I have tried finding stuff on his early life but I have come up empty. Do you know of any more sources?--Astros4477 (talk) 02:41, 31 July 2012 (UTC)
Sources for a player that has only been in the bigs for two years are going to be somewhat limited, but certainly out there. In addition to web sources, look for journals/magazines and newspaper articles. I'm sure there has to be at least one journalist/writer who's done a feature story on him, either a publication in IL, AZ, OH...somewhere; I have to think one has certainly done this. Two, I see the article is a GAN (for exactly 2 mos). That being said, GA Joe Nathan does not have much more in its "Early life" section, so it's not mandatory the section be well filled out. At first glance of this article, I see the largest weaknesses with this article seems to be the relative lack of information in the "Early life" section, and the seemingly disproportionate text on his 3 years in the minors but not much in way of his 2 years in the majors. (If not much can be found that would go in the "Early life" section, think about organizing the article in a different way; ask: is a section that has just 2 sentences warranted to remain as such?). Remember the notability inclusion: minor league players don't get WP articles, but major league ones do. Therefore, I would encourage expansion of this section as well, otherwise it's possible the article will be quick failed or perhaps even more likely, put on hold until the section is expanded. Lastly, it seems the "High school" section contains much about his football career but not as much as one might think about his baseball career. Whilst it's possible this could be the best way to present information to the reader, unless Kipnis was recruited as a football player for a college team, or received some sort of college or pro-level offer in terms of football, I would probably devote a bit more to his HS years of playing baseball; otherwise, the reader might ask: "Why did this guy pursue baseball, exactly?" Just a few thoughts; take them for what they're worth. Zepppep (talk) 14:07, 30 September 2012 (UTC)
I seem to remember some stating they felt he was jobbed for not getting an All-Star nod this past season. I think there was also some hope that he would record a 20-20 season but as his numbers started to drop after the AS break, this obviously did not become a reality. There was some disappointment expressed re: his productivity towards the end of the season, or even in as early as August if memory serves me correctly. This might help add relevant content to his MLB career section. Zepppep (talk) 03:33, 24 October 2012 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Jason Kipnis/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Muboshgu (talk · contribs) 19:36, 23 October 2012 (UTC)

Dablinks
None
External links
Refs 22 and 38 are dead
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 20:44, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Ref 42 is a redirect
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 20:59, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Inconsistencies in author presentation (alternating between author= and first=, last= formats
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 02:42, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
Lead
Does he have a middle name?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 21:01, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Should be two, maybe three, paragraphs
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 02:31, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
I don't think the lead does a good job of summarizing the subject of the article. It's disjointed and simply lists a few accomplishments
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 02:31, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
"The Indians called up Kipnis from the minor leagues on July 22, 2011, by picking him in the second round of the 2009 Major League Baseball Draft." - So they called him up to the majors in 2011 by selecting him in 2009?
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 21:04, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Early life
"Jason Michael Kipnis was born April 3, 1987 in Northbrook, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago,[3][4][5][6] to Mark and Kay Kipnis as their fourth child" - bit of a run-on
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 21:06, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Who are his three older siblings? Genders? What did (do?) his parents do?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 21:11, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Is there anything about him playing Little League, Babe Ruth League, or American Legion?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 21:21, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
High school
MVP abbreviated but not defined
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 21:28, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
He played soccer as a freshman, but what about his other three years?
See comment below.--Astros4477 (talk) 21:40, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
"As a freshman at Glenbrook North, Kipnis played soccer, setting the school's single-season goal scoring record with 41, and basketball" - the basketball bit is just tacked on there. I missed it entirely in my first read through. How did he do in basketball?
According to this, it looks like he just played basketball and soccer as a freshman.--Astros4477 (talk) 21:40, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
College
It would seem that after such a career as an American football player in high school that he would've been recruited to play college football by somebody. Was he? Why did he choose baseball over football?
I couldn't find any info on this.--Astros4477 (talk) 02:01, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
Why did he redshirt as a freshman?
I couldn't find info on this.--Astros4477 (talk) 22:28, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
NCAA abbreviated and not defined
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:15, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Why did he transfer from Kentucky to ASU?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 23:57, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"Arizona State" is a redirect, and too colloquial to keep listed as such. Use the full name of the school.
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 22:07, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
"RBIs" abbreviated, full name not given, nor linked
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:10, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
What is the specific relevance of mentioning Davis and Wallace at this point? Did he not have future MLB teammates at Kentucky?
I can see the relevance of mentioning Davis at the "Pac-10 Conference Newcomer of the Year award" part
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 02:05, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
Why did Kipnis not sign with the Padres in 2008? 4th round is not too shabby
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 23:52, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
Pacific 10 Conference not linked
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 22:16, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
"1st Team College All-American outfielder" --> "First team"
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 02:07, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
Arizona State Sun Devils linked to more than once
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:15, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
First use of Baseball America in the body should be linked
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 22:19, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Minor leagues
"Short-Season A" needs at least a link to Class A-Short Season to explain what it means
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:28, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
Same issue with "A+ Carolina League" and "AA Eastern League"
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:28, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
Inconsistency with "AAA Columbus Clippers"
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:28, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
Why did the Indians want to move Kipnis from the outfield to second base?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 02:17, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
"5th-best" --> "fifth-best"... In fact this issue comes up a number of times in this section
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:44, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
First use of Baseball Prospectus in the body should be linked
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 22:47, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
So he played for Kinston and Akron in 2010. Was it Kinston first and then Akron? When was he promoted?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 23:37, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"MiLBY Awards" - MiLBY needs to be spelled out or otherwise defined
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 23:23, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"He batted .296, was tied for 5th in the league in RBIs (19), and was honored by being named to the Arizona Fall League Rising Stars game, and wrote a blog for MLB.com during his time in the league." Run on
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 23:11, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"Baseball Prospectus 2011 reported that Kipnis..." What is "Baseball Prospectus 2011"?
Name of a book--Astros4477 (talk) 23:13, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"On July 4th" --> "July 4"
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 22:51, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
"10th in walks (44/tied)" Do you mean tied for tenth in walks?
 Fixed--Astros4477 (talk) 23:26, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
Major leagues
Why is it mentioned that Al Rosen was an MVP? This isn't Rosen's bio, people can click on the link if they want to know more about him
I don't really see this as much of a problem but if you feel it needs to be removed then I can.--Astros4477 (talk) 21:50, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
The 2012 season is woefully inadequate. You have two sentences, each about single games. Surely other things happened in the other 160 games that fit into the story. What were his numbers in 2011? 2012? Is he the starter, or a backup?
 Done--Astros4477 (talk) 22:05, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
Personal life
Also lacking. Does he have a significant other? Where does he live during the offseason? What else does he do?
I couldn't find anything on this. Mostly just forums which obviously aren't considered reliable.--Astros4477 (talk) 21:47, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
On hold. – Muboshgu (talk) 20:21, 23 October 2012 (UTC)

I have addressed all your comments. Let me know if there's anything else I can do!--Astros4477 (talk) 02:43, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
It's not my review, but "Additionally" followed by his nickname is not related at all to his Jewish ancestry. Since the nickname perhaps allows the reader to better understand his playing style, I would think it would be better placed in the lead or MLB career section. The nickname was not given by a relative, friend, or anything like that. "Outside of baseball" is redundant, as the section is already titled "personal life." Zepppep (talk) 01:24, 28 October 2012 (UTC)
Feel free to comment on anything, the more help the better. I have removed the additionally wording and the outside of baseball sentence.--Astros4477 (talk) 04:09, 28 October 2012 (UTC)
Re-reviewing now. – Muboshgu (talk) 21:49, 28 October 2012 (UTC)

Still not liking the lead. It should summarize the individual by hitting all of the important points, while not mentioning some less important points that go in the body. The intro paragraph should be more of an overview, with less specifics, which can go in the second (and/or third, if there is one) paragraph. Some of the details in the lead are excessive. That the Padres drafted Kipnis, but he did not sign, is not important enough to his bio to include in the lead.
I have removed the non important points in the lead, I hope this has cleared it up. Let me know if there's anything else.--Astros4477 (talk) 01:48, 29 October 2012 (UTC)
Sorry for the delay, but I will pass this now. My comments have been addressed. – Muboshgu (talk) 00:29, 6 November 2012 (UTC)

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