# Talk:Mo Drake

This review is transcluded from Talk:Mo Drake/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: An anonymous username, not my real name (talk · contribs) 20:01, 5 November 2022 (UTC)

Hello, Dumelow. I will take a stab at reviewing this. An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 20:01, 5 November 2022 (UTC)
General comments: It's in good shape overall and I appreciate the detailed infobox, although it's rather unfortunate that the two main sources are paywalled (I'll AGF, of course, and everything looks accurate to the sources I'm able to view). The only issues I found were extremely minor. It may be worth pointing out that his nickname "Mo", used in the title, is never mentioned in the article itself. I tend to prefer using commas in even in situations where they are optional, so if my assessment is overly pedantic to you, feel free to ignore any part. Earwig doesn't see any copyvios.

Upon completion of his military service he joined public relations firm Armstrong Warden. I think a comma should be added to this line, although the lead looks perfect otherwise.
When Drake was three years old the family moved to Ilford. Again, a comma would help.
Despite disruption to his formal education Drake was a keen reader, particularly of Shakespeare. Again, comma.
Drake retired in the mid-1980s. Do none of the sources include the year?
That's all I noticed. It appears you have covered him as thoroughly as you possibly could have. I'll place it on hold and wait for your reply, and hopefully be able to pass it soon. An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 20:36, 5 November 2022 (UTC)

Hi An anonymous username, not my real name, thanks for the review.  If you work a lot in this area it's worth looking at the WP:Library, you can get free access to the Times and Telegraph through there, great for British obituaries.  I've added a mention of his common name in the first sentence.  I've added the commas you suggest; annoyingly the obits don't give anything more than "mid-1980s" for his retirement, perhaps it was a gradual thing - Dumelow (talk) 06:31, 6 November 2022 (UTC)
Ah, of course, I can't believe I didn't think of the WP Library. Well anyway, since you've done all you can, I'll go ahead and pass the article. Cheers! An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 06:45, 6 November 2022 (UTC)
I had to make an edit. Sadly, someone had cited some American jazz, and blues artist, from the 1950s, who happened to have a Wikipedia page, called Johnnie Johnson. This is obviously not the man who wrote the jingle music, Johnny Johnston, who has no Wikipedia page. I edited in Mr. Johnston's obituary, and removed the link to the jazz, and blues artist. No disrespect to Mr. Johnson; I'm sure he was a great chap, but he had nothing to do with Beanz Meanz Heinz. 2600:6C46:6400:C0:B0CA:E139:F979:830B (talk) 01:22, 11 April 2024 (UTC)