# Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis

Note to self: Revise the "Early life" section on another pass. Sentences can be better parsed.
 Done. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
In 1870 he became a paid fireman in station No. #1. Emphasis added. "No." and "#" mean the same thing. Is the station house rendered as such in the source?
 Done source says Steamer No. 1 for the fire station.  --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
He slept at night at the fire station and worked at an outside trade during the day. I'm not educated on the subject, but is firefighting a trade?
 Done - yes, I would consider firefighting a trade. Here is a book on the trade. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester.
Although the system needed updating and improvements [...] Updating and improvements go hand-in-hand. Would it be possible to replace "updating" with "maintenance"?
 Done - yup! --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:18, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
They wired fifteen miles in Akron to install new alarm boxes which used a telegraph key by the operator before realizing that the operator could not give the correct signal during the excitement of a fire. "Excitement" doesn't seem to be the correct word to use. Can it be removed to just read during a fire?
 Done - reworded to use "hysteria" for the new fire. Hysteria = an uncontrollable outburst of fear. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:29, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Loomis then developed an alarm box that worked by turning a crank that automatically gave the correct signal. He patented an alarm box (#US323435A) which sends a signal when the lever is pulled. Edited already, but asking for confirmation: looking at the schematic on the right, does the alarm trigger when the door is opened?
 Done = yes. See reworded copy edit. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:46, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester.
It was first developed with a telegraph key, however soon improved with telephones built in. Were telephones installed later in the boxes or were the boxes completely replaced?
 Done = the boxes were completely replaced. Copy edited to read "however soon improved with a completely new alarm box style that had a telephone already installed in it." The news clip reference says so new boxes were designed with telephone instrument included. Look it over to see if it is grammatically correct on my wording. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done. Tweaked the wording a little. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Loomis of E. York Street in Akron was the creator of this automobile. The sentence is sourced but I'm not sure of its relevance; the first sentence in the paragraph establishes the connection between the man and the vehicle.
 Done - removed. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:03, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester.
The electric police patrol wagon was completely overhauled in 1913 to be exhibited. Slightly edited. Was it overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo?
 Done - worded to show that it was overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
In 1874, Loomis and another engineer developed and helped deploy four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes at key businesses in Akron. Is "helped" necessary? The closest source I'm reading in the paragraph doesn't go into detail about how he "helped deploy" the signal boxes.
 Done - see added news clip source quote for referencing of using "helped deploy" wording.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:16, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
  Suggestion: "Helping verb" implies that the person doing the helping isn't the primary actor; in the new clipping, Loomis says James Stanford, who was with [him] in the fire department, aided [him] in putting in four boxes in Akron. Loomis appears to be the one in charge of deploying the new boxes with Stanford aiding him. I still think "helped develop" can be changed to "developed", even if it gives Stanford a little more credit than the source reports. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
@Tenryuu: - All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. After you remove the "under construction" template then I'll assume you are done and I will submit for GAN. It looks to me like it is ready for that. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
@Doug Coldwell: Thanks for looking through these. There is a suggestion I am hoping you'll consider. One more thing: I've gone ahead and title-cased "City Chief Engineer"; I just want to confirm that how it is rendered in the source. Hope to hear from you soon! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
@Tenryuu: - copy edited the last part of the second paragraph in Mid life and career section to follow the sources. Does it look alright grammatically? The edits you did at 17:41 27 June 2020 look good to me = thanks! Changed to Stanford developed four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes = does that look good to you? Thanks for all your great professional editing and improvements. Perhaps we will meet again as I other requests at GOCE and am doing a lot of Good Articles now from the articles I originally created that were first DYKs. Passing this one off to you for any final comments or suggestions.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:53, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Doug Coldwell, awesome! I'm just going to change "developed" to "built" in that case (feel free to revert if reviewer thinks "developed" is better), but everything else seems to be in order. See you around! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  00:26, 28 June 2020 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 02:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)

Lead
" was a nineteenth century American businessman" - When used as an adjective, it's hyphenated.  nineteenth-century.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:34, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

"and director in improving and developing out the fire and police departments for the city of Akron, Ohio" - Is "out" necessary in here?  I'm not sure
 Done took out "out" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:34, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Combine the two paragraphs of the lead, since they're pretty short, and add a couple more sentences.  Maybe mention the Loomis Award?
 Working --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:43, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Early life
"His father died when he was seven years old in 1861. He then lived with an uncle at Wadsworth, Ohio, for the next seven years.[3] He attended the local Akron public schools" - Three straight sentences with similar openings.  Can you rephrase this a little bit to reduce the repetition?
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:53, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Mid life and career
"The city however would not finance this needed improvement." - Commas before and after however, I think
 Done yes. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:12, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

"The system first used a telegraph key, but it was realized that the person that operated the key during the emergency could not give the correct signal during the hysteria of a new fire. Loomis then developed an alarm box that worked by turning a crank automatically when the door was opened, giving the correct signal. He patented the alarm box (#US323435A) which sent this signal automatically" - Hysteria and the patent number aren't mentioned in the ref
 Done Ref # 6 of Romance in Carreer of Man added that then covers this (source - we soon learned that in their excitement few people could give the right signal). Removed patent number.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:12, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Patrol wagon
"His invention 1899 became the first motorized police patrol wagon" - There's a word missing between invention and 1899, I think
 Done Added in "in" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:40, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

"The Collins Buggy Company built the 5,500 pound carriage that cost $2,400" - Use the convert template to create a conversion to kilograms, as well.  If you're not super familiar with the template, I can do this for you
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:03, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

"up to sixteen miles per hour" - Ditto as above, but with kilometers per hour
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:03, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

"Akron patrolman John Dunkin made the first arrest with the police horseless transport automobile" - What year, I wonder?  It's a bit relevant, but if the source doesn't mention, it's not essential for GA.
 Done = 1899. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:52, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

" It was recovered, repaired, and put into service for an additional seven years.[27] The electric patrol wagon had done 226 police runs by 1901 and had traveled 200 miles in the process of escorting criminals to jail. It was in the Akron police force until 1905 and then sold out for $25.[12]" - Did a different department use it for part of the seven years?  Seven years after 1899 suggests 1907, but it was taken out of Akron service in 1905
 Done Chilton 1908 source says it gave good service for seven more years after the 1900 riot incident. The 20 June 1999 news clip says it served six years AFTER 1901. The "1905" figure in the news clip is obviously a typo based on these references. It should be 1908. Copy edited the article accordingly based on this above.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:52, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Layout
Combine the three super short sections at the end into a single section.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Did he have any kids?
 Done Nope. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

References
You misspell "Akron" in one of the ref titles
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Need a page number for the Doyle 1908 citation
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Do Chilton or the Police Journal have an OCLC?
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Good work on this one.  An interesting read about an interesting figure.  Should be pretty simple to get most of these cleaned up. Hog Farm  Bacon 01:13, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

@Hog Farm: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
@Doug Coldwell: - There's one more ref to Doyle 1908 without a page number.  Fix that, and this one's good to pass. Hog Farm  Bacon 14:45, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
@Hog Farm: 99 Bottles of Beer on the wall. Same on my User Page on top.--Doug Coldwell (talk)

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