# Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: NickGibson3900 (talk · contribs) 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC)
Will do soon. - NickGibson3900 Talk 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC)
@TheQ Editor: See below - NickGibson3900 Talk 04:11, 18 October 2014 (UTC)


### Review
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 
No images
Overall:
Pass/Fail: 


#### Lead
Brian David Hill (born 29 December 1982) is a S13 Canadian para-swimmer who has competed in the 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012 Summer Paralympics and the 2007 Parapan American Games - Link 2004, 2008 & 2012 to the Paralympic pages (e.g 2012 Summer Paralympics); link Canadian
to Canada; link 2007 Parapan American Games to 2007 Pan American Games

 Done
He started swimming as a child and competitive swimming at the age of nine. He has won the Blind Sports Award and also the Athlete of the Year Award - link Athlete of the Year
 Done
Lead needs to mention medals. Per WP:LEAD, a subjects claim to notability should be mentioned in the lead
 Done
See point two in #Career
 Done
See point three in #Career
 Done


#### Personal life
Hill was born on 29 December 1982 in Duncan, British Columbia with a genetic retinal disorder which results in only ten percent vision. - 
FN 2 already cited that.
He now resides at Montreal, Quebec after the 2004 Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2004 Summer Paralympics as it will be linked in lead; sentence should be rephrased, maybe: Since the 2004 Summer Paralympics, he has resided in Montreal, Quebec.
 Done
During his childhood, Hill's parents dug a 17 metre pool for him to swim in. - 
Same thing as above
It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.- 
 Done


#### Career
At the age of 17, Hill participated in six events at the 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics; rephrase to 2000 Summer Paralympics in Sydney, Australia
 Done
Hill won five medals at the 2007 Parapan American Games including three golds and two silvers. - unlink 2007 Parapan American Games, link that in the lead
 Done
He won gold in 100 metre butterfly where he got a time of 1:00.52. He had tied the world record score with Canadian Para-swimmer Walter Wu. - in the lead you say para- not Para-, be consistent
 Done
Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a .
? What do you mean?
Before going to Beijing for Hill's third Paralympic Games, his preparation involved swimming about 120 kilometres in two weeks. - swap Hill and his to make sentence flow
 Done
Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
 Done
At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
 Done
At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
 Done


#### References
FN4: Needs to have the correct title, "Canadian swimmer Brian Hill ready for fourth Paralympic Games" not "Swimming Canada"
 Done


### Round two
"Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a ." - What I meant was after good you have a colon (;) and it should be a full stop (.) as it the end of the sentence
Per MOS:NUMBERS 1-9th should be first, eighth, seventh etc.
"At the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne" - Link Melbourne
In the lead 2 and 3 should be spelt out (two, three)
"He had won five gold, 2 silver and 3 bronze in his international career" - five gold medals, two silver medals and three bronze medals"
In refs you over link IPC. IPC should only be linked for the first IPC ref,
@NickGibson3900: All done!  ΤheQ Editor  Talk? 21:25, 31 October 2014 (UTC)

I'm sorry TheQ Editor but I don't have time to continue this review. A new reviewer will work on this as I have asked here. Once again sorry and I hope to see this pass. - NG39 (Used to be NickGibson3900)Talk 05:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)

I took a quick read through it since Nick isn't available now and didn't see any issues, so I'll go ahead and pass it. Wizardman 04:50, 23 November 2014 (UTC)