# Talk:Marilyn Saviola

This review is transcluded from Talk:Marilyn Saviola/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

This article is quite short but I'll take this up. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)


### Prose and coverage
I'll just review the entire prose portion in one shot.

The article is generally free of copyright violations, except for proper nouns.  Also, is there a better way to rewrite this: was inducted into the New York State Disability Rights Hall of Fame?
@Epicgenius: What are we trying to achieve rewriting this? Need to know the context to rewrite it well. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
~riley, this would be to reduce copyright violations, since that is word-for-word from the source. It's ok if you can't do so. epicgenius (talk) 02:32, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Modified. ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Lead is only one sentence. I'd suggest expanding this to at least two.
Modified two, likely will grow further in future but also trying to paint my house this week . ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
On July 13, 1945, Saviola was born in Manhattan, New York - why link "New York" and not "Manhattan"?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
to Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola - Can this be moved to the next sentence? E.g. " Her parents Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola, who had no other children"
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Saviola contracted polio at the age of 10 in August 1955 - this reads awkwardly. What about "in August 1955, aged 10"?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
I know my family never accepted it, totally didn't, and always thought of it as if I prayed enough, and they were good enough, they said enough novenas or whatever, and if I believed enough, I would be cured. - This is almost long enough that it should really be a blockquote instead, per the guidance at MOS:BQ. However, I don't think you need to write out the entirety of the second part of the quote. It detracts from the main point that Saviola's family believed that there was a way to be cured.
@Epicgenius: Might have to walk me through this one... Is this what you meant? ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
~riley, I suggested that you can possibly shorten the quote. Yes, that's what I meant. epicgenius (talk) 02:31, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Gotcha, was mainly concerned about the comment about detracting from the main point and if the modification had addressed that. ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
at LIU, when they were both students - Do you mean "when", or "where"?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
The first paragraph of the career section:
Too many sentences begin with the word "she". Could you mix it up a little by actually mentioning her name?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
The first two sentences also sounds somewhat like a timeline of her jobs. Do you have any other details of her roles?
In 2015, she received the Henry Viscardi Achievement Award for her lifetime of work in disability rights - this should probably go with the mention of the 2017 award.
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Her fellow speakers included Sandra Schnur, Maria Nardone, and Frieda Zames - who are they?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
She was honored in 2019 at the opening of a new radiology unit in the Bronx, - How was she honored? Also, do you know where in the Bronx (was it a hospital or private practice)?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
The personal life section is basically just her death. No kids, no partner?
Added info on partner, extremely limited. No mention of kids. ~riley (talk) 07:47, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
An oral history with Saviola - of her life?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Where's the Bancroft Library?
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


### POV
I don't see any POV issues, seeing as this is such a short article. It may be more focused toward her occupation, though. epicgenius (talk) 05:02, 4 January 2020 (UTC)


### Sources
Ref 11 is publicly accessible, and doesn't need to use ProQuest. See https://www.nytimes.com/1997/04/29/nyregion/woman-sees-advances-for-the-disabled-imperiled-by-budget-cuts.html
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
Independence Care System, NYC Health + Hospitals, etc. should be formatted as publishers, not as websites. Website formatting would result in an output of italics.
Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)


### Images
The one image used in this article has a good non-free rationale, given that the subject of the article is deceased. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)


### Overall
Just these few comments and we should be set for a green plus sign.
Also pinging Penny Richards, who (while not the nominator) seems to be a significant contributor. epicgenius (talk) 05:05, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

I will be starting on this tomorrow. Thanks for the work so far @Epicgenius:. ~riley (talk) 20:03, 4 January 2020 (UTC)
~riley, no problem, take your time. epicgenius (talk) 00:21, 5 January 2020 (UTC)
@Epicgenius:, are we all set here? ~riley (talk) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
I just had a second look at the article. I don't see any more issues, so will be passing this shortly. epicgenius (talk) 15:54, 6 January 2020 (UTC)