# Talk:Leila (novel)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Leila (novel)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:37, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments 

"with whom she has a girl, " I think "daughter" would be more appropriate.
"by goons known as repeaters" not sure about the use of "goon" and if they are known by "repeaters" I would expect that to be capitalised.
"party on the doubt of water wastage" I don't understand what this means.
"She one day escapes. She is later caught.." merge, "She one day escapes but is later caught...
"house keeper" one word.
"an advantaged family of the Dixits at the Record Towers" do you mean "the Dixits, an advantaged family at Record Towers"?
"through the bureaucracy," doesn't make sense.
"he neglects to make the arch under due date" -> "he fails to complete the arch by its due date"...
"Feeling for Mrs. Dixit," feeling what?
"her in getting away" -> "her to escape".
"Shalini achieves the richness facility..." what?
... I think I'll need to give it a quickfail here.  The prose here is practically beyond my comprehension.  It really needs a thorough copyedit to iron out the nuances of the prose right now.  I think the rest of it looks alright, but the Plot section needs a complete overhaul.  The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 16:17, 13 September 2019 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Leila (novel)/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 18:24, 4 January 2021 (UTC)

Will get to this within a couple of days. ♦ jaguar 18:24, 4 January 2021 (UTC)

Lead
"written by journalist Prayaag Akbar" - I would personally remove the journalist title from his name as this book suggests he is foremost an author
" Leila, in a totalitarian regime." - unnecessary comma here
"it was published by Simon & Schuster in several formats" - was it first published in India or published worldwide on the same day? Don't worry if you don't know
"and received a positive critical response" - I think reception sounds better here
Plot
"India is ruled by The Council and drinking water and fresh air is an extravagance" - , with drinking water and fresh air being extravagances
"she is appointed as a housekeeper to an advantaged family of the Dixits" - she is appointed as a housekeeper to the Dixits, an advantaged family
"Shalini gains access to the tower through the bureaucracy, to get more information on Leila" - in order to get more information
"Feeling for Mrs. Dixit, Shalini helps her getaway" - escape
"One day, Shalini gets into the richness facility" - wouldn't 'wealthy' be a better choice?
"Back at Rao's home" - who is Rao? He wasn't mentioned before
Development
"Akbar had wanted to write since his childhood and quit his job as a journalist" - unnecessary. Just try retire as a journalist
"Akbar wanted to write a story from a women's perspective as it gave him "a sense that a male writer could write absolutely effectively in a woman's voice, a mother's voice."" - Akbar's quote could be paraphrased
"The novel is available as an audiobook narrated by Tania Rodriguez" - when was the audiobook published? Don't worry if it's not accessible
Reception
"but felt the ending was "too Indian filmi"" - is this a typo?
I'm concerned that much of this section relies too heavily on quotes. There are a couple of instances where paraphrasing would improve flow of the prose
I've noted some cases where the prose could be tidied. Overall this seems comprehensive - the sources all check out and the structure is good overall. The reception section could certainly benefit from paraphrasing as it relies too heavily on quotes. I'll leave this  On hold until the above are clarified, and then it should be good to. Let me know if you have any questions. Good work! ♦ jaguar 23:14, 5 January 2021 (UTC)

Jaguar All done. I have trimmed/rephrased most of the quotes. Hope its okay now. Yashthepunisher (talk) 11:07, 6 January 2021 (UTC)
Thank you Yash. I've read through the article again and the prose has markedly improved. I'll be happy to promote this now. Well done  ♦ jaguar 16:51, 6 January 2021 (UTC)