# Talk:Breakout (Miley Cyrus song)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Breakout (Miley Cyrus song)/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: HJMitchell  You rang?   02:16, 2 January 2010 (UTC)
Okay, it looks pretty good. There are a few things that could do with being adressed though:

General
Is there a suitable image (preferably a CD cover) that could go in the infobox?
 DoneNo since it was never released as a single, it shouldn't have any image for the infobox. I know Katy Perry said something that referred to it as a single, but she was wrong. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 01:43, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Some of the grammar could use a slight copyedit, for example "due to not being released as a single" (in Chart performance) does not read as well as it could, likewise "Cyrus opened the 2008 Disney Channel Games with the premiere of "Breakout"; the event was held on May 4, 2008 in Orlando..."" (in chart performance)
Chart performance
Seems to contradict itself on the release as a download- can we get a release date and a ref?
Sorry... but I don't really understand - could you explain? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:44, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
No worries, I think I meant the grammar was slightly unclear, but I've given the section a copyedit anyway. HJMitchell  You rang?   03:47, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
 Done Yay!!! this is done too. Thank you. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
Could (ideally) use an extra ref or two to make sure everything's verified if they can be found.
T Done here are no more refs since the chartings were generally not too high. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:41, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Jumps from Billboard Top 100 to Hot Digital Songs- might be an idea to expand on how the two relate or to reword it
 Done Broke it up into "due to strong digital downloads; in the same week, 'Breakout' was placed at [...] on Hot Digital Songs" Is that O.K.?-- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:42, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
much better! HJMitchell  You rang?   03:51, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
Were Canada, Australia and the US the only countries where it was a top 100? Might be an idea to specify (or add more if it charted elsewhere)
 Done Yea those were the only charts... that's because it was not a single. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:37, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
It doesn't specify which chart it spent 7 weeks on (I take it it's the US?)
 Done Correct - I specified it. :) -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:37, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Live performances
"is also in the set list of her 2009..." will need updating since we're in 2010 now
 Done changed "is also in" to "was on" - maybe it wasn't clear that she's not touring anymore. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 01:47, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
I expect this is just me being British and thick, but what the hell is a construction cart?
Lol... I didn't know about this myself and I tried to look through Wikipedia to find the official term for it. It's those carts in which construction workers are elevated in order to build things. Here is a pic of her doing that in the next number from the set list. I referred to the prop as a construction cart there too and that one passed GA. Do you know any other term?? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 01:52, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
I see what you mean now. It looks like scaffolding but I don't know if they use that term on your side of the Atlantic? Anyway, I'm not going to fail it over that- focus on teh important stuff, we can deal with that later! HJMitchell  You rang?   02:20, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
 Done I changed it to scaffolding since it is in my U.S. dictionary for Microsoft Word. Also is scaffoldings the correct plural term? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:54, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
I suppose so- scaffolding or scaffoldings works as the plural. HJMitchell  You rang? 
Could do with less of the commentary and the minutiae that's not really suited to an encyclopaedia
sorry... again explain. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:55, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Hmm, it seems better now, though I can't remember exactly what I meant. That said, were there any negative reviews? The reviews in the article are all quite flattering. HJMitchell  You rang?   03:51, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
Lol... for live performances I could only find those two and for Critical reception there was a bad one about how annoying it was, or something. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
Some of the stuff on the clothes sounds like either fan commentary or OR- for example "an all leather ensemble" if you're getting bits like that from a source (assuming it's not Disney) put it in quotes, if not (or if it IS from Disney who obviously have a COI!) try to tone it down and keep it neutral.
 Done Ooh.. this was probably what the last reviewer was talking about. I put it as black leather tank top and hot pants.
Also, info on the clothes generally is probably given undue weight- not a huge issue but some of it could do with a trim
 Done Removed clothing mention except for the premiere which was also used as a promotional music video and the tour. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:50, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
I'd suggest linking the cities- everyone knows Los Angeles, California, but how many people outside North America know Portland, Oregon?
 Done Linked. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 23:50, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Everything else seems to be in order, though if you could lay your hands on any more sources, it certainly wouldn't hurt! HJMitchell  You rang?   01:11, 3 January 2010 (UTC)


### Wrapping it up (hopefully)
It's not taken long to address most of my comments above. Another look shows that some of the prose could still do with some work, for example:

""Breakout" received generally positive responses from contemporary critics. Chris William of Entertainment Weekly said that writer Gina Schock of The Go-Go's left influences from their hit single "Vacation" (1982).[6] William added that "Breakout" "just the right amount of maturing".[6] Mikael Wood of The Los Angeles Times called the song "a slightly tougher, more guitar-based sound than last year's Meet Miley Cyrus".[9] Bill Lamb of About.com said the song was one of the "top tracks on Breakout".[11] Heather Phares of Allmusic said the song's "school girl rebellion" was "designed to present the feisty, carefree Miley".[12]"
You've got a series of very short sentences there that should be bashed in to just one or two ideally. There are other examples, but that's the worst
I made several sentences into one. Is it O.K. how I did it? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 05:41, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
I'd like to see those less flattering reviews in the article, just for balance.
I could find positive ones and one that said it was really noxious and only a knockoff of Avril Lavigne and that is there. One has some mixed feelings and says that there is no profundity in lyrics but has a good music composition. Doesn't that suffice? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 05:36, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
Everything else looks good so, with a little work, this should pass without too much difficulty. HJMitchell  You rang?   11:36, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
I'm still not entirely happy. The prose could still do with some work- there are a lot of short sentences that could (and should) flow much better. Also, almost every sentence seems to start with "The song...". That said, I think the prose is the only real issue holding it back from GA status. HJMitchell  You rang?   04:21, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

I did what I could do on all sections. Is it ready yet? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 07:01, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
right, I've gone through and given it a copyedit. I'm happier with the prose now, but I left a fact tag and two hidden comments in the article that will need sorting before I can pass it. Checklinks shows nothing concerning, so once those are addressed, I'm sure the article can be promoted. HJMitchell  You rang?   18:00, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
lol. I like those hidden comments. Looking for them is fun. I think I addressed them. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:50, 10 January 2010 (UTC)
Glad I can provide you with amusement! Haha! I'm happy with that. I'll promote it now! HJMitchell  You rang?   18:58, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

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