# Talk:María del Luján Telpuk


### Lead
"Since the suitcase scandal became public, she has become an international celebrity and appeared on covers several magazines including those of the February 2008 issue of the Argentine edition of Playboy magazine and the March 2008 issue of the Venezuelan edition of Playboy magazine."Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:24, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
Keep the tense consistent. And put a comma after "magazines".Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:24, 17 April 2008 (UTC)


### Maletinazo
"The United States prosecutors believe that the money represented a contribution from Venezuelan President Chávez to the presidential campaign of Argentina's leftist leader, Kirchner."
You talk about the "prosecutors", but that doesn't come till later, so maybe you could drop the part about the US prosecutors.

I moved the sentence to later in the article.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:29, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"The carrier, Guido Antonini Wilson (nicknamed "El Gordo" or "The Fat Man"), opened the bag at the insistence of Telpuk who noticed the six dense and perfectly rectangular blocks in the luggage scans"
Need we know his nickname? And put a comma after "Telpuk".

revised text.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:34, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"According to an early interview for Perfil newspaper, Wilson had explained the items as books and papers at first."
Say "at first, Wilson had explained..." And it is necessary to say "According to an early interview for Perfil newspaper"?Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"He began to stammer and show signs of nervousness, and Wilson said the suitcase only contained about $60,000 when forced to open it."
I think you should "when forced to open it" to the beginning of the sentence. And I think you can say "he" instead of Wilson both times.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:41, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"He is an interpreter and was part of a delegation of executives that traveled to Argentina in advance of Chávez' energy deal signing."
Who is? And if you're talking about Wilson, move the description up to the first mention of him.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"In a country known for its corruption, Telpuk did not have an interest in a bribe although she feels Wilson may have expected her to be willing to take one. "
"In a country known for its corruption"...that seems rather POV (even if its true)? Citation, maybe? And use past tense.

The cited source says: "Maybe he thought I would ask for a bribe and that would be the end of it." That may have been a fair assumption, on his part, given the notorious corruption among Argentine customs agents.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:51, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"She instead reported the finding, which led to the series of events."
"which led to the series of events" is rather awkward.

rephrased.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:56, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"The local medias of both Argentina and Venezuela gave the story immediate front page coverage. Then, the case had faded away until after Kirchner was elected."
Try combining the two sentences. And maybe say "Although the local media of both Argentina and Venezuela gave the story immediate front page coverage, the case  faded away until after Kirchner was elected."Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  18:59, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
"For her part, Telpuk feels she has been caught in the "middle of a rivalry of nations". She has been vilified as a mercenary fortune-seeker and CIA lackey. She has received a variety of threats by telephone and email, and had police protection starting when the incident became a public scandal in December. She has even received a bouquet with an ominous note."
I think you should use past tense. And I think the part about the bouquet is sort of unnecessary.Y


### Media appearances
"Her first magazine cover appearance came in the form of a cover appearance on the December issue of an irreverent political magazine, Veintitrés. Telpuk appeared under the headline "The Bombshell Behind the Suitcase" standing behind a suitcase. "
I think you can combine this sentence. And don't say "in the form of a".Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:06, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"She was wearing a police cap and that was about it and another headline read, "Is She the Key Piece of a Plot Designed by Washington?""
"And that was about it" is definitely not encyclopediac.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:09, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"Then, on the February issue of of the Argentine edition of Playboy magazine, she appeared next to the headline "Corrupción Al Desnudo" (translated as "Corruption Laid Bare")."
"Then, on the..." sounds rather awkward. Maybe "She then appeared on the..."Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:11, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"She then appeared on the March 2008 issue of the Venezuelan edition of Playboy magazine."
Don't use "then" again.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:12, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"She was posed with a red suitcase decorated with both the Argentine and Venezuelan flags while wearing a scarf, black leather gloves and black-and-white boots for her Playboy cover appearance, and in her pictorial, she wore less and posed with various props: ubiquitous suitcase, dollar bills, including the propeller blades of a single-engine airplane."
Eliminate the "was". And this sentence is a run-on. And, "she wore less" is also not encyclopediac.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:16, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"There is talk that she may become a television show host"
Don't say "there is talk...". I'm pretty sure that's a weasel word.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:14, 21 April 2008 (UTC)


### Personal
"She was raised in a small town in the Santa Fe Province where she taught nursery school, but she moved to Buenos Aires after passing an entrance exam for the Airport Security Police about three years prior to the incident."
What incident? Specify.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:17, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"After quickly going from night shift police woman to pinup girl, she has left the police force, joined a charter airline, begun taking English classes and begun to prepare for a role on Skating for a Dream, an Argentine variety show."
"After quickly going from night shift police woman to pinup girl" is not good to use. And use past tense. And you already said she will appear of Skating for a Dream.

How is that?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:30, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
"Telpuk's mother is named Yolanda and lives in a middle-class suburb of Buenos Aires. She is widowed and used to work for a pasta factory."
How is this related to Maria?

It is fairly standard family information that is used to add breadth. In the absence of having information on a father we provide the information that the mother is widowed.  Saying where the mother lives and worked is moderately relevant.  The problem is that in the absence of all the other personal information that we would like to have this less important personal information is disappointing in its direct relevance.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
Also, I think this section needs to go up at the beginning.Y--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)


### General
This article is not broad enough. You contain almost no personal information, and not even enough about "the incident". This needs to be expanded.
Noble Story (talk) 14:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

I've just read through the article, and Noble Story seems to have pointed out most of the issues. Another few things:
"Instead of pursuing a bribe reported the finding." - I assume there's just a "she" missing, but this whole section is a bit too tenuous and circumstantial. It would be better to include more facts, quotes etc.
fixed she.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  07:29, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
What does her height have to do with her job as a teacher? That part needs to be moved, but I'm not sure it's relevant at all. Being quite average, her height is not notable in itself. It might have been relevant if she was a professional model, but she's not even that.
The description of the Playboy shoot is so detailed it borders on the lewd. Less would be better here, and maybe also pointing out how the props were allusions to the incident, and thereby relevant to the article.
The article needs a thorough copy edit for language, POV, weasel words etc., but it also needs to be clearer on the issues. After reading it I wasn't sure at what airport this was, what jurisdiction the US had, and other central issues. Good luck! Lampman Talk to me! 14:51, 15 May 2008 (UTC)


### Review status
Noble Story has withdrawn from reviewing this article; I am requesting a second editor to go over the review work done thus far and close the matter, if possible. I have changed the status of the {{GA nominee}} template accordingly. Gosgood (talk) 14:54, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Passed; all seems good. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 11:02, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

WP:Good article usage is a survey of the language and style of Wikipedia editors in articles being reviewed for Good article nomination.  It will help make the experience of writing Good Articles as non-threatening and satisfying as possible if all the participating editors would take a moment to answer a few questions for us, in this section please.  The survey will end on April 30.

Would you like any additional feedback on the writing style in this article?
The feedback has been sufficient.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

If you write a lot outside of Wikipedia, what kind of writing do you do?
N/A--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

Is your writing style influenced by any particular WikiProject or other group on Wikipedia?
No.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
At any point during this review, let us know if we recommend any edits, including markup, punctuation and language, that you feel don't fit with your writing style.  Thanks for your time. - Dan Dank55 (talk)(mistakes) 03:25, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
I always do.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD)  14:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
The article does meet the GA criteria, but it really needs a photo added to the article. Preferably of the free or fair use variety,... Dr. Cash (talk) 04:37, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

seriously, this girl just became "famous" months after the valijagate because she resigned and appeared with little clothes on a magazine. she wasn't relevant to the media, nor to anybody, for that matter.
it was one edition, and that's it.
should everybody get a wiki like her?
i mean, if you want to promote your client, go ahead, but what you're looking for is a webpage.  —Preceding unsigned comment added by Camr (talk • contribs) 01:01, 16 September 2008 (UTC) 
This is ridiculous. This article should be deleted -_-

I wanted to use this source: http://www.borev.net/2008/09/valijagate_trial_update_v_tits.html but it did not seem so professional.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  07:03, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

If you want to delete this article it should be taken to WP:AFD.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  15:50, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

This is not serious. Such articles like this do not help to build the encyclopedia, but rather turns it into a tabloid. We should follow the example of the Spanish version, in which this article was eliminated.  —Preceding unsigned comment added by 190.139.122.75 (talk) 02:37, 14 March 2009 (UTC) 
yes, this article should be deleted, but it was created by a guy who has 2% of the GA articles in wikipedia. i just hope the other 150+ articles are not as ridiculous as this.
my point is, it's impossible to take it to WP:AFD, since Tony made it a GA, and plans to keep his good record.
my god, an article that has no relevance is now a good article because of a whim, because tony wanted to have one more article on his trophy shelf.--190.16.243.184 (talk) 19:45, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

I am wrong and lose WP:XfD debates at times.  Feel free to take any action that you feel is approppriate for the project.  If the article no longer merits an encyclopedic place consensus will prevail.  Just notify me of any nomination.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  08:04, 6 May 2009 (UTC)