# Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)

I will take this on later today. --K. Peake 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)


### Infobox and lead
Infobox looks good!
Wikilink jazz
"during their first tour" → "during Tolliver and Music Inc.'s first tour"
"Truth" being among the original compositions is not directly sourced anywhere in the body
The track listing credits its composer as Tolliver, making it an original composition. isento (talk) 01:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
The release year of "Round Midnight" is not notable for the lead
"about a year later on" → "about a year after the show on" since the year has not been specified since the first para
Target independent label to Independent record label
Target CD to Compact disc
"from that same period." → "from that same period, titled Mosaic Select."
"particularly their innovative" → "They particularly highlighted their innovative" because the sentence is a run-on at the moment
"although some questioned" → "although some critics questioned"


### Background
"was dominated by the twin progressive movements" → "was dominated by the twin movements" since the progressive part is not properly sourced
"among hard-bop peers," → "among hard bop peers," for consistency
Target musical ideas to Motif (music)
"an independent record label, Strata-East Records (in New York City), with" → "the independent record label Strata-East Records (in New York City) with" but where is the NYC part sourced?
The New York City Record prefaces his returning to New York before discussing further developments like forming the label. I will keep as is to avoid WP:BLUELINK, and neither is grammatically incorrect. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
You are not supposed to add commas before things like this in the body unlike the lead, plus in this context "the" reads better and the second comma renders useless. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
According to this grammar guide, commas can be used to separate a noun from a non-restrictive phrase describing that noun. I have reworded it to "... found Strata-East Records, a New York-based independent record label, ..." isento (talk) 06:41, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Yeah this version is fine, good job! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"embarked on their first tour of Japan" part is not sourced and the liner notes probably do not mention it as being their first tour in the country; correct me if I'm wrong
The liner notes do verify this. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


### Recording and performance
Reword the img text to being something of relevance, rather just mentioning it being a pic of Cowell
"led the quartet featuring" → "led the quartet, featuring"
"A 30-second sample with" → "A 30-second sample of "Effi", with" on the audio sample text
You still need to add the song title on the audio sample's text. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Might be me getting confused by re-wording, but does the AllMusic ref really mention everything cited for the first sentence of the second para?
Yes. "the Tokyo gig kicks from top to bottom ...  full-tilt post-bop on Tolliver's 'Drought' that opens the set is a great example. 'Stretch,' ... full-on swinging mode." isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"kick[ing] from top to bottom", "full-tilt", and "full-on swinging mode" indicate the album is thoroughly uptempo, with the first two songs in particular. isento (talk) 02:16, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"and intensely-toned solo" → "and heavily-toned solo" or something similar, to be more encyclopaedic
The source uses "intense, parched tone". So the paraphrasing is accurate here. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
That is a review source though, so you should change to make the POV more neutral since "intensely" sounds like it indicates praise. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
I have changed it to "sharp-toned", which has a similar connotation and is used in other scholarly sources on jazz. isento (talk) 06:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Nice one, that is neutral and reads a lot better for sure! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"that led the quartet into" → "that led Music Inc. into"
Wikilink should be on block chords instead
[9] should not be at the end of the penultimate sentence, as it backs up both of the last two in this para
Wikiink time signature
The fills part does not appear to be sourced
"Runs" is another word for "fills", in the context of jazz. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Thank you for informing me, never knew that before. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"Music Inc. performed" → "Music Inc. performed a cover version of" but it is not directly mentioned as an encore anywhere
Jurek suggests this, but I have added the Cook & Morton source, which says "encore", to the citation. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Neat addition! --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


### Release and reception
Can you find a mention of any release date for the LP in Japan even if vague?
No. Not among reliable sources. There is a primary source in the LP packaging images at Discogs, but it does not even have a copyright year. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Attribute the Billboard review to Anon
"Anon." is a shorthand for "anonymous". It is not the reviewer's in-source title. isento (talk)
Mention the staff as reviewing the album then, as it is awkward to write that a publication itself was the reviewer. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
That would be no less incorrect, as staff means all the employees. The current phrasing also appears in high-quality music sources ([[1], [2]). Other variations appear as well ([3], [4]). isento (talk) 06:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
These are not on an encyclopaedia, though; I have added "a writer" here because we do not know their real identity. --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
"The magazine praised the trumpeter's" → "Anon praised the trumpeter's"
Target Down Beat to DownBeat
"finding it "good" yet" → "finding it "good", yet"
"(and Cowell too) ..." → "(and Cowell too) [...]" since that is how you correctly use ellipsis to indicate a period taken out of the quote
Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
Target CD to Compact disc
"as a player" as his performance" → "as a player", as his performance"
"was singled out for" → "was singled out by them for"
I used "by the guide", as the entry's individual author is unknown or unclear. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Img looks good!
"reviewed the Mosaic box set" → "reviewed the box set"
Target Cafe Bohemia to Café Bohemia
Target Five Spot to Five Spot Café
"from the Village Vanguard."" → "from the Village Vanguard"." per MOS:QUOTE
"of the quartet's performances" → "of Music Inc.'s performances"
""'Round Midnight". But he ultimately found" → ""'Round Midnight", but ultimately found" because the former sentence is too short and it is also awkward to start a sentence with the word "but"
Writing guides such as this one approve of starting sentences with the word "but". And in this case, this separates the critic's positive idea in one sentence and a negative in the other, while avoiding a run-on. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


### Track listing
Shouldn't the top line specify that they are all written by him except where noted?
This is indicated by the phrase composition, which means a written piece of music. Adding "written by" would be slightly redundant. Book sources on compositions use the same phrasing. isento (talk) 02:05, 19 February 2021 (UTC)


### Personnel
Good


### Notes
Good


### References
Copyvio score looks pretty good at 25.4%!


### Bibliography
Are you sure Anon is an author for as many of the sources as currently listed?
The shorthand indicates no credited author for the source and is used merely as a placeholder for the function of citation-style consistency. isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
Cite AllMusic as publisher instead and only wikilink on the first instance
Both WP:CS1 and Template:Cite web say not to use that parameter "for the name of a work (e.g. a website ...)" isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Target Down Beat to DownBeat


### Further reading
Good


### External links
Good


### Final comments and verdict
 On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)
Thank you. I have made the requisite changes and responded above otherwise. isento (talk) 02:14, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Isento Nice to see you having replied so quickly; there are still a few more things that need fixing and I pointed them out above. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Isento Very good responses the second time round too, always a pleasure to see this.  Pass now and this review has seen your best response yet, truth be told! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)