# Talk:Marshall L. Shepard

This review is transcluded from Talk:Marshall L. Shepard/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Midnightblueowl (talk · contribs) 17:27, 30 April 2017 (UTC)

This is an interesting subject and the article looks like it is in good shape. I will give a review, if I may. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:27, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Some prose issues:

"was an American clergyman and Democratic politician from Philadelphia". I think that we could do a little better here, particularly with the wording of "Democratic politician from Philadelphia". I would recommend reformulating this sentence to something like "was an American clergyman and politician. Affiliated with the Democratic Party, his political career was focused in the city of Philadelphia". That is much more explicit, particularly for non-U.S. readers who may not be particularly familiar with the names of American political parties; in many environments "Democratic politician" would obviously have very different connotations. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:38, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
I've added your language. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
I also think that the lede is too short. Granted, this is a brief article, but I certainly think that we can get away with two paragraphs rather than just one. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:38, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Expanded it some. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"Born in North Carolina," - perhaps worth adding that he was from an African-American family here. Remember that blind users may not be able to see the photograph and have the page read to them by software. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:48, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Good point. I added that. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"secretary for religious work" - would "secretary for Christian work" be more explicit? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:38, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
religious work" is how the source describes it, and at the YMCA in those days, there was no such work that wasn't Christian. I think to change it would be to misstate the title. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
I would link to Protestantism and Roman Catholicism in the "Philadelphia pastor" section. These terms will be less familiar to our readers in parts of the world where Christianity is not a strong presence. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:38, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"He was elected as a Democrat to the Pennsylvania House of Representatives in 1934". This could be read as meaning that he was elected to be a Democrat, which is obviously incorrect. Perhaps "Standing as a member of the Democratic Party, he was elected to the Pennsylvania House of Representatives in 1934"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:42, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
I changed it to something along these lines. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"The sight of a black minister on the podium led segregationist South Carolina Senator Ellison D. Smith to storm out of the convention." This sentence could perhaps do with a few pauses in the form of commas. How about "The sight of a black minister on the podium led Ellison D. Smith, a segregationist Senator representing South Carolina, to storm out of the convention."? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:42, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"a new city charter for the city" - this is a little repetitive. How about "a new city charter for Philadelphia". Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:48, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"he held until 1951.[15] At that time, he and" - again, repetitive language. How about "he held until 1951.[15] At that time, Shepard and" ? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:48, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"In the general election, he was victorious" - how about "He was victorious in the election"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:48, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
"swept the Republicans from power" - who are the Republicans? I jest of course, but always remember that there are many readers who may not be familiar with U.S. politics. Maybe "swept the Republican Party from power", with an appropriate link? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:50, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Everything looks good with the use of citations. The photos look appropriate as well. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:53, 30 April 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! My replies are above. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:21, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Great stuff Coemgenus. I am confident that this article meets all of the GA criteria so I am happy to pass this. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:33, 2 May 2017 (UTC)