# Talk:Klonimir

This review is transcluded from Talk:Klonimir/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: 23 editor (talk · contribs) 17:53, 25 July 2013 (UTC)
I'll get to this shortly. 23 editor (talk) 17:53, 25 July 2013 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality: 

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists: 
Prose often reads awkwardly:...Klonimir wed a Bulgarian noblewoman at the Bulgarian court, chosen by Khan Boris I himself, and from this marriage sprung a son, Časlav... - Try "Klonimir married a Bulgarian noblewoman chosen by Khan Boris I himself. She later gave birth to a son named Časlav.
...Klonimir later returned to Serbia in ca. 896, to attempt to conquer Serbia from the hands of his cousin Petar, who had ruled since 891... - This should read "Klonimir returned to Serbia in ca. 896 and attempted to take the country from his cousin Petar, who had ruled since 891."
...but the much more powerful Petar defeated him, and it is presumed that Klonimir died in the fights... - I presume "the fights" means in battle.
...The Bulgars sought to avenge their previous defeat of Presian... - This should read "The Bulgars sought to avenge the defeat of their previous Khan, Presian...
...The Serbs and Bulgars made peace, and possibly an alliance... - This should read "The Serbs and Bulgars then made peace, and possibly formed an alliance."
...Vlastimir's three sons eventually started quarreling... - How about "A quarrel eventually broke out between Vlastimir's three sons..."
...The three branches of Vlastimir's sons continued the war of the throne which would continue over the century... - Should read "continued to fight for the throne over the century." Also, clarify what "three branches of Vlastimir's sons" means.
...Petar was recognized as the ruler of Serbia by Bulgarian ruler Symeon... - Try "Petar was recognized as the ruler of Serbia by Bulgarian Tsar Symeon."
...Klonimir's son, Časlav, had been sent with Bulgarian aid to conquer Serbia in 924... - Try "Klonimir's son, Časlav, was sent with Bulgarian aid to conquer Serbia in 924."
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section: 

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary: 
...Klonimir was survived by his son, Časlav. This is unsourced.
C. No original research: 

Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects: 

B. Focused: 
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias: 

Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc: 

Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content: 

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions: 
Provide some pictures if possible to make the article visually interesting.
Overall: Good work, needs plenty of copy-editing though. Please fix the prose issues I've outlined and maybe ask someone with a good understanding of English to copy-edit the article.
Pass or Fail:  Passed
Comment: Updated.--Zoupan 22:41, 19 August 2013 (UTC)
Hi! Your updates look good. You've added a picture, so that takes care of the image point. I'll strike that out. The article is very close to passing. All that needs to be done now is that the myriad of semicolons in the lead need to be removed and replaced with periods for better readability and complete sentences. Also, the names of those debating the location of Destinikon need to be written in full (i.e. S. Novaković→Stojan Novaković, etc.) When that's done I'll promote the article. Regards, 23 editor (talk) 20:36, 20 August 2013 (UTC)
It's alright, the points I brought up were rather minor and I've fixed  them. Good job, passed! 23 editor (talk) 22:32, 27 August 2013 (UTC)