# Talk:Lessons (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Apparently this is wrong, Picard didn't request her transfer - she made the choice on her own (obviously - it wouldn't be in his character to force someone in a situation like that)--IceHunter (talk) 08:23, 7 December 2007 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Lessons (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
I'll be glad to take this review. Thanks in advance for your work on this one. -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


### Initial readthrough
I made some copyedits as I went, so please double-check my work to see that I haven't accidentally changed the meaning. A few points need to be clarified:

"He explains about the significance of the flute and the events he experienced as Kamin " --can this be explained in a sentence or two here to avoid a non-knowledgeable reader from having to click through for the full explanation?
Added a couple of lines to briefly cover it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
"Daren requests an officer transfer " -- where is she trying to transfer to? Off the ship?
Rearranged those related sentences so they should make more sense now. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
"the firestorms are heading towards the outside" -- towards the outside of what?
Should have been "outpost" rather than "outside". Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
" before they can be retrieved" -- are there other people with Daren? The "they" is unclear here.
Reworded it in a couple of places to make it clear that Daren wasn't alone. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
"in the line of duty" -- I'm not sure this quite the right phrase here. Perhaps just "in danger"?
Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
"to the final version of the script after Brannon Braga wished to avoid after recently working on another love story related script for "Aquiel"" -- this is unclear to me--what was Braga trying to avoid? who is Braga, anyway? I know I can click through, but better to give some context here.
It should be saying that he was avoiding trying to do the re-write and so they had to call in a non-staff writer to do it.  Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
"but would be completely replaced by the time it reappears" -- this is missing a subject; right now the sentence says "The episode ... would be completely replaced." Would it be correct to say "the set" here?
I ended up doing a slight rephrase on the sentence in hindsight. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
" in the subplot in Star Trek: Generations" -- what subplot is that
Added. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)
Overall this seems to cover its subject well and to be well sourced. I'll start the checklist below.

Thanks for the review. Let me know if you can see anything else I need to fix. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)


### Checklist
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Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20150719022400/http://www.tower.com/star-trek-next-generation-episode-145-patrick-stewart-vhs/wapi/109139513 to http://www.tower.com/star-trek-next-generation-episode-145-patrick-stewart-vhs/wapi/109139513
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