# Talk:Julius Franks

This review is transcluded from Talk:Julius Franks/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
I am failing this article based on several issues, the first and foremost is that the article doesn't seem to comply with the broadness criteria, its extremely short and it doesn't provide detail on what makes him notable wich is his college career. The lead alone is extremely short and it fails to provide a complete overview even in a article this short, there are some sectioning problems as well. If you feel this review is wrong feel free to renominate or list the article for reassessment. - Caribbean~H.Q. 20:04, 26 December 2007 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Julius Franks/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Review by Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) 
Comprehensiveness and sources

Like the previous GA reviewer, I was a bit concerned about comprehensiveness. However, after a Google search and a search on a couple online databases, I only dug up one thing that can be added, see User:Dabomb87/Misc for the information and source. (I can't give you the link because it is from a paid database).
Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:27, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
Web citations should have publishers and last access dates in addition to web page titles and URLs.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:27, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
Newspapers should be in italics. This can be done by putting them in the work= parameter in the citation template.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:27, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
Prose

"Illness cut short his collegiate athletic career." No reason to use the passive here. Why not: "His collegiate athletic career was cut short by illness."
I think you are confused.  The former is the active and the latter is the passive form.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:30, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
You are correct. I don't know what I was thinking. Dabomb87 (talk) 04:39, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Franks pursued a career in dentistry after Michigan."-->After his education, Franks pursued a career in dentistry.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:30, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Franks was born in Macon, Georgia,[1] but raised in Hamtramck, Michigan"—False contrast. That he was raised in Michigan does not contradict his birth in Georgia; it is merely additional information. Change "but"-->and.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"After graduating from high school, he attended the University of Michigan where he became the third African-American to play for the Michigan Wolverines football team." Comma after first "Michigan".
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"hardest working" Needs a hyphen.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"The 1942 Wolverines' offensive line that included"-->The 1942 Wolverines' offensive line, which included
I'll take your word for it.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Franks credited the group's success to playing scrimmages " What do you mean by "playing scrimmages"? I follow football and still don't understand what that means.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Franks was a 60-minute player" Another phrase that will leave our readers who don't understand football in the dark.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Fritz Crisler was a regular visitor to his hospital room, and Tom Harmon" Who are Crisler and Harmon? Add descriptions in the text.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"In 1982, Franks was named to the University of Michigan Hall of Honor in the fifth class of inductees. Only eleven Michigan football players earned this honor before him."-->In 1982, Franks was named to the University of Michigan Hall of Honor in the fifth class of inductees; he was the twelfth Michigan football player to earn this honor.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"Franks was also a leader in the Urban League, United Way, American Red Cross, Boy Scouts of America, and Rotary Club."
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"In 1964, Michigan Governor George Romney appointed Franks as one of the members of Western Michigan University's first Board of Trustees. He served as a trustee until 1983."-->In 1964, Michigan Governor George Romney appointed Franks to Western Michigan University's first Board of Trustees, where he served as a trustee until 1983.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"In the 1960s, Franks had a role in integrating Grand Rapids."-->In the 1960s, Franks helped to integrate Grand Rapids.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"and real estate agents would not even show them houses."
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"In 1962, Franks' friend, J.E. Adams" Comma after here.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
Can the last two paragraphs be merged? They look stubby.
O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:21, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
"In later years, Franks also was"-->In later years, Franks was also
On hold for now. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:10, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM)  04:21, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
The addition of the info makes the article much better. Passing. Dabomb87 (talk) 04:42, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

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