# Talk:Eddy Furniss

This review is transcluded from Talk:Eddy Furniss/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 16:52, 11 June 2013 (UTC)
I'll review this article sometime tonight. Wizardman 16:52, 11 June 2013 (UTC)
Here are the issues I found:

" He was first baseman and designated hitter." either combine with the first sentence or reword a bit so the sentence can stand on its own.
Combined. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
"In 1998, Furniss won the Dick Howser Trophy " The 1998's implied from the previous sentences, so not needed.
Removed – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
"At the end of his career, he ranked third in the NCAA in total bases, fourth in home runs and doubles, and fifth in RBIs" All-time or just for that period?
All-time. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
I'm presuming this answer is no, but any spring training invites or 40-man roster appearances?
No to both. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
Overall, the article just seems to go from sentence to sentence, if that make sense, like a "he did x. he did y." Don't be afraid to combine sentences and work for better overall structure. It's actually a general thing I notice with your articles; it's not a GA issue necessarily since the prose is fine enough, but it is something to work on.
Interesting trend to notice. I'll work on this. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
I think in general I need to write more complex sentences, rather than have short ones one after the other. It's an interesting trend to notice, and I thank you for it. How does it look now? – Muboshgu (talk) 17:18, 14 June 2013 (UTC)
I'll put the article on hold and will pass when fixed. Wizardman 03:42, 12 June 2013 (UTC)

The article reads a good deal better now. Since everything's addressed I'll pass this as a GA. Wizardman 18:17, 14 June 2013 (UTC)

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