# Talk:Demetri McCamey

This review is transcluded from Talk:Demetri McCamey/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
Overall, this is a good article, though I found some concerns:

"He was part of a 2005 Chicago area sophomore class that was considered to be the best in the history of the state of Illinois." Cite needed.
The citation followed the second sentence of the two sentence claim.  I have added a third sentence and a somewhat redundant ref.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  22:44, 10 April 2010 (UTC)
"but McCamey was at the time mentioned as the potential next great St. Joseph's product (from a school that had produced Isiah Thomas)" I would tweak it to fit in the Thomas note better. It flows a little odd as is.
Fixed I think.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  15:26, 13 April 2010 (UTC)
"During the 2008 Big Ten Conference Men's Basketball Tournament he shot 6 for 6 on his three point shots against Purdue," The 'shot 6 for 6 on' needs a slight rewording, plus the 6's should be spelled out.
Is it better now?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  15:28, 13 April 2010 (UTC)
"which set a Big Ten Conference Men's Basketball Tournament record and tied the Illinois school record for three point field goal percentage." Tied the record in a game? Or the season? IF the former it seems redundant, of course it'd be since he hit all his shots. If the latter, reword so it's clear.
Both single-game.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  23:20, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
I like the use of a gallery in the junior section; make the page cleaner while still using the images.
Not exactly clear what you are suggesting.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  23:21, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
Not suggesting anything here, just noting that it looks good. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 00:26, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
The structure of the junior season feels odd. It starts with noting his stats for the season, which would feel better near the end. I'd restructure this paragraph to make it more chronological.
Done.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  17:26, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
"His 254 assists in 36 games resulting in a 7.06 assist per game average eclipsed Deron Williams' 264 in 39 games (6.77 average) in 2004–05 NCAA Division I men's basketball season for the Fighting Illini single-season average record." Needs some cleanup, as well as commas - or maybe split that into two sentences.
Fixed. (I think)--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  17:29, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
"His total of 254 was the fourth highest in Big Ten history and only 20 shy of Mateen Cleaves' Big Ten single-season record of 274 (Williams, 264, Fighting Illini). His total of 525 after his junior season left him 291 short of Cleaves' career record of 816 (Bruce Douglas, 765, Fighting Illini)." It took me a bit to realize why those were in parenthesis - put them into the prose and cleanup those sentences a bit; it'll look nicer.
Done.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  17:32, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
I'll put this article on hold. Get to it when you get to it, and I'll pass it when it's fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

It is 2nd in line.  I should get to it within a week.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  17:55, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
FYI, I am doing my taxes.  I will be mildly inactive on WP for a few days.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  14:08, 13 April 2010 (UTC)
Not a problem. Hopefully this can be done tomorrow though, not much left to fix. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:50, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
I still have to clean up my Schedule D, print everything out, get to the post office.  Then I will be back on WP a little more. It should be done tomorrow.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR)  16:37, 15 April 2010 (UTC)
Everything looks better now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 18:05, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

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