# Talk:Mandeep Dhillon

This review is transcluded from Talk:Mandeep Dhillon/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Bait30 (talk · contribs) 17:40, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
I'll try to get started on this review soon. I'll review prose first going down the page by section, then do images, then do references last.  Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 17:40, 5 March 2021 (UTC)


### Lead
"In 2012 she had a leading role": I've noticed that throughout the article, when a sentence begins "In YEAR", it's sometimes followed by a comma and it sometimes isn't. I'm not sure if without a comma is done in some variety of English that's not American English, but at least try to make it consistent. (1a)
Amended. (Also slightly reworded a couple of instances so that not so many sentences start with "In 20xx ...") BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:01, 6 March 2021 (UTC)


### Early life
The first sentences of each paragraph, are kinda wordy and complex (lots of dependent clauses). It is grammatical and understandable though so I won't hold it against you if you choose to keep it haha.
I've broken one of them up - very happy to hear any further suggestions.


### Career
"In 2011": the comma thing again. (1a)
Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
"The Financial Times': The "The" shouldn't be italicized. (1a)
Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
"at the behest of her family who want her": I believe it should be "family who wants". Unless again it might be an WP:ENGVAR thing. (1a)
Looks like there is a difference between American and British English around collective nouns. I've added the word "members" but happy to revisit. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
Ok, yeah I sort of remember hearing something about that but I wasn't sure. In that case, it's fine to keep as is.  Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 03:35, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
"In the show...UI Qoma": these two sentences seem to be extraneous. (3b)
Removed. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
Instead of "(2019 to 2020)", shouldn't it be "(2019–present)"?
Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)


### Filmography
Nothing that would affect the GA review, but per WP:FILMOGRAPHY, you should use "Title" in your tables instead of "Film" and "Programme".
Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 02:52, 6 March 2021 (UTC)


### Images
I feel like the Bush Theatre image is in the gray area between relevant and irrelevant. It's a picture of the place she worked at from 6 years before she worked there. (6b)
 Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 22:58, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

Fair point. Should this be removed? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:19, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
In my opinion, yeah.  Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 03:35, 6 March 2021 (UTC)


### References
Reference numbers come from this version of the article.

Ref 1: dead. Also how can the tweet be from 2004? Twitter was founded in 2006. (2b)
Added an archive url, and corrected my typos in the year here and in the hidden comment "tweet confirms day of birth; ES article states that Dhillon was 27 (in April 2020)" BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:34, 6 March 2021 (UTC)


### GA checklist
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 

 Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 23:45, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
Looks good now!  Bait30  Talk 2 me pls? 05:09, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Many thanks for taking the review on and for your constructive comments, Bait30. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 14:39, 6 March 2021 (UTC)