# Talk:Kusumoto Ine

This review is transcluded from Talk:Kusumoto Ine/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Interesting article, I would love to review this. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Thanks! Feel free to split hairs! Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 07:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
I think I am notorious for nitpicking ;) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:22, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Beautiful work. Here are my comments:

Lead
daughter of Kusumoto Taki, who was a courtesan from Nagasaki; and the German physician Philipp Franz von Siebold, You may simply say "Nagasaki courtesan Kusumoto Taki".
I feel like that might imply more than might be strictly true. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
No change needed if there is some uncertainty. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
where foreigners were restricted during Japan's long period of seclusion from the world It may be unclear if the "where" refers to Kusumoto's birthplace or Dejima.
Is this better?—who worked on Dejima, an island foreigners were restricted to Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Yes. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
For which names do you provide Japanese translations and for which do you not?
I try to limit it to the most key names to reduce clutter.  I'd meant to move them to endnotes to improve readablility, which I've now done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
"Feudal lord" may be appropriately wikilinked
Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Mention the cause of death
I'm not sure it's due weight for the lead—most of the sources don't even mention the cause. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
The cause of death is generally notable. If it clearly isn't noted here, then no need to include. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Life and career
This is a very long section, please divide it into subsections.
What do you think? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Cool. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Wikilink "artificial island", "apochryphal", "obstetrics" and "Date Munenari".
Done, except for "apocryphal" (which inapporpriately links to Apocrypha), and Munenari, which is already linked in the lead, at first appearance in the body, and in a caption. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Many names have been linked (I am not sure if they should be) and are redlinks, but her mother's name isn't.
I've looked at the sources, and it's unlikely her mother will ever warrant an article.  The others have articles on the Japanese-language Wikipedia, and likely warrant articles in English. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
they waved him goodbye from a small boat in the harbour as his ship pulled away Something like "as his ship left" would be less dramatic. The wording is good but may look unencyclopedic and story-like to some.
Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Any idea who Wasaburō was?
I haven't found anything yet—not even his surname—but I'll keep looking. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
She returned to Nagasaki...granted her this child "for free". Swap this sentence with the previous one.
I ended up rewriting this as well—could you take a look? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Better. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
 that 4 August "4 August that year" would read better
Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
carried out by Meerdervoort "Van Meerdervoort"
Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Is 100 yen still a considerable sum? If not, it should be clarified that it was so in those days.
Today it's about a US dollar; at the time Yen were much more vaulable, and divided into sen "pennies".  I think I'd rather leave it at "considerable" rather than deal with inflation-adjusted numbers, which need to be handled with care. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
the financial support of her father; she never married "She never married" seems out of place here. This is a significant fact of her life, and deserves a prominent mention.
I've bumped it to the next paragraph, which is kind of a summing up of random tidbits like this. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Legacy
What is Ehime 2012?
Stupid typo.  Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
A volume written by Hamada Keiko The line seems to be incomplete
Misplace braces.  Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Images
The caption of the infobox image says "an elderly woman", and not "Kusumoto Ine".
There shouldn't be a caption.  are you sure that's not the alt text? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Sorry, I meant alt text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Added her name. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
No caption for the last image?
Syntax error—fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
All images are properly licensed.
One more thing – can the last image be aligned to right? It seems it is sandwiching the text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Sure.  Moved. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
No copyvio spotted, no dablinks or duplinks. I am done with the comments. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:29, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Great, I am happy to promote this. Cheers! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:39, 15 May 2016 (UTC)