# Talk:Marek Sobieski (1628–1652)

Please fix the ref/period problem as outlined at WT:POLAND. Also, I am confused by "Jan Sobieski founded gravestone by Andreas Schlüter from black marble". Which Jan Sobieski (link), and do you mean funded (paid for) or founded (created). I think funded...? For GA expansion, I'd suggest writing more about the diary of their father, Jakub. IIRC it was a notable piece of literature (and I think I own a copy, but not here). --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk  00:33, 19 April 2011 (UTC)

Is it necessary to have his years of birth and death in the title (someone else by that name?) PЄTЄRS J V ►TALK 03:26, 19 April 2011 (UTC)
Yes, his grandfather was Marek Sobieski. Kmicic (talk) 23:16, 21 April 2011 (UTC)

Now B-class passed, good job. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk  17:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Marek Sobieski (1628–1652)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Ealdgyth - Talk 13:14, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:14, 14 May 2011 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 
The prose needs some work to eliminate teh choppy feel
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 

General:
Is it really necessary to give the full citation for a work in the notes and then REPEAT that exact full citation in the References? It's not wrong, but it's incredibly frustrating to edit the actual article with all those citation templates cluttering up and obscuring the text, only to see that the exact same information is repeated at the bottom in the references - making all that clutter in the article text pretty much unnecessary.
Your prose could use a copyedit - a lot of your sentences start "He..." or "They..." and they do it in sequence. Consider varying your sentence structure enough to give some variety to the prose. As an example - the last paragraph of "childhood" - the sentences there start with "After" "They" "They" "They"  "In" "They" "They"
I tried to varieted the text of article. Kmicic (talk) 15:28, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
Lead:
Need an explanation, just a few words, about what a starost is, so you don't lose your readers when they click on the link.
I added a short explanation about what a starost is. Kmicic (talk) 14:17, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
Childhood:
"...and subsequently studied math in Niderland." Where/what is Niderland?
My mistake. It should be Netherlands. I've corrected. Kmicic (talk) 14:01, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
Adulthood:
Do you REALLY need five citations for the information the first sentence of the second paragraph? Two should be fine.
There was four citations. I removed one. I think three would be fine. Serczyk's book is very important work about Khmelnytsky Uprising. Długosz's article is very important. I decided to leave also Korzon's book, because it's avalaible on-line. Kmicic (talk) 14:17, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
Need an explanation of what a choragiew is - so you don't lose your readers.
I added an explanation of what chorągiew is. Kmicic (talk) 14:17, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
References:
As a favor - can we translate some of the publishers/etc in the references into English - like "Muzeum Pałac w Wilanowie"? Would help with verification for non-Polish speakers.
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.  Ealdgyth - Talk 13:50, 14 May 2011 (UTC)
Looks fine. Passing it now. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:03, 15 May 2011 (UTC)