# Talk:Geoffrey Massey

This review is transcluded from Talk:Geoffrey Massey/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:56, 25 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments

"As an urban planner he was " -> "As an urban planner, Massey was..." (you've mentioned Erickson in between so "he" is uncertain).
 Done Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
"city of Vancouver and development of Granville Island in the city." repetitive use of "city" in one sentence.
 Done. Removed the first city. But, if you think I should retain the first 'city' and remove the second, please do let know. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
No need to link common geographical places like London.
 Done both from passage and the infobox. Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
Question: which Engvar?  "a theater artist" theatre for Brit.
 Done. Changed this. But, if there is something else that I need to correct, please feel free to let know. Ktin (talk) 19:32, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
"father's career took him to Broadway" feels out of order as you've already said his father was a Broadway actor.
Tried a revision. Please see if this works better. Happy to make any additional changes. Ktin (talk) 01:23, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
"Canadian military" any more, like which arm?
 Done added more. Ktin (talk) 19:27, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
Bachelor of Arts is normally capitalised.
 Done Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
"towards urban design, including introduction" I would split these.
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:25, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Interestingly, Chandigarh doesn't mention "grounds-up" or "ground-up" (although to me the latter makes more sense).
 Done Ktin (talk) 19:27, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
"building a new township Kitimat" -> "building Kitimat, a new township, ..."
 Done. Ktin (talk) 20:33, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"designs and rigid design templates.[1] He met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects" "design" overdose.
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:28, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
"met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects.[3] ... Partnering with Erickson," repetitive.
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:27, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
"that would beat 71 other submissions to end up winning the competition." -> "that beat 71 other submissions to win the competition."
 Done. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"and going for a " -> "and adopting a"
 Done. Ktin (talk) 20:30, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"Earlier in 1963," reads odd, like you're saying "earlier in the year".  Do you mean "Earlier, in 1963, ..."
 Done. Eikes. Yes, I "meant Earlier, in 1964, ...". Fixed. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"architect, Ron Thom, to win"' our article calls him Ronald, any reason we don't here?
 Done. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"He became a ..." he ... he ... he ... he .... mix it up a bit.
 Done. Ktin (talk) 01:31, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
"her modernist house" overlinked.
 Done Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
"Source(s):" well, there are four, so just "Sources:" would be fine.
 Done Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
I would expect "notable" works to have articles.
"*  Done changed. Ktin (talk) 19:33, 1 April 2021 (UTC)
That's all I have for a first pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 19:54, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Many thanks for this detailed and thoughtful feedback. Let me work on these pointers and will notify you once the changes are ready for your eyes. Ktin (talk) 20:11, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


### Another set of comments
I had thought of reviewing this article but then didn't have the time.  But I made a few notes at the time, which I have reproduced here for whatever they are worth:

His father was a very well-known film actor, not just theatre.
 Done. Please have a look and let know if you'd need any additional edits. Ktin (talk) 01:31, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Geoffrey was raised by his famous father, how did that affect him?
Didn't get a specific answer to this one. Is there any specific line that you are thinking around? Not been able to find much. Ktin (talk) 01:37, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Sources are dominated by obituaries, would be good to have some other kinds of sources.
Added some more info from newspaper archives from the local library. Ktin (talk) 02:20, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
In particular would be good to have some real architectural criticism.
fns 3 and 4 are to the same thing
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:34, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Why did his partnership with Erickson end?
Didn't get a specific answer to this one, but, it appears that ~1972 was when ran for / became a member of the city council and the partnership ended at that time. Let me know if that helps. Ktin (talk) 01:36, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
 Done Managed to get some more details from Newspaper archives from that period. Ktin (talk) 02:10, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
'... due to agonies ...' – that word seems a little over the top.
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:34, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
In what branch of Canadian military did he serve, and in what role?
 Done Ktin (talk) 01:32, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Needless to say, you are free to act on these comments or not as you see fit.  Wasted Time R (talk) 17:26, 1 April 2021 (UTC)

Ktin let me know when you think you might address these?  The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 10:33, 7 April 2021 (UTC)
Thanks for your patience on this one The Rambling Man. Certain off-wiki / IRL activities have meant that I have not been able to spend much time on Wiki, and this is expected to continue through mid-next week. Please can I request some additional time to get to this. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 16:05, 7 April 2021 (UTC)
Thanks for your patience The Rambling Man. Have incorporated most of the requests. Please have a look at your convenience and let me know if you'd need anything more from my end. Cheers. Ktin (talk) 02:21, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Ok, that's fine, good to go.  The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:59, 21 April 2021 (UTC)