# Talk:Max Bielfeldt

This review is transcluded from Talk:Max Bielfeldt/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: WikiOriginal-9 (talk · contribs) 16:39, 20 October 2023 (UTC)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 


### Notes
This one has been waiting forever so I'll give it a review. I also reviewed your Derrick Walton article years ago. I went ahead and added the Commons category to external links.

Thx for the prior review as well.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:34, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
Background and early life
Add grandmother before Carlotta.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:22, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
Suggest changing "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt" to "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign's Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building that was endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt".  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:34, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, are alumni, with Meyers Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career" change to "His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, Meyers Leonard, are alumni, with Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career".  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:39, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"Leonard having played basketball at Illinois" If we're linking the Illinois football team earlier perhaps we should link "basketball at Illinois".  Done
Good idea.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:47, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"where the Illinois lost" Remove the.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:50, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
High school
Shouldn't there be a "Freshman and sophomore years" heading  Done
Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:00, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"During his 2008–09 sophomore season he earned" Comma after season.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:22, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
Throughout this section, All-Area and All-State are capitalized several different ways so we need to be consistent. I would use uppercase personally but you can choose what you think is best.  Done
Finally fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:06, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Also you might want to change "all-star" to conform to whatever style you choose above.  Done
Finally fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:06, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
"15.0 ppg, 8.7 rpg, 66.4% field-goal percentage, and a total of 94 blocks" Suggest spelling out ppg and rpg. Also, I think there should be an "a" before "66.4%".  Done
Fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:43, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
Junior year
"averaging 20.2 points, and 12.0 rebounds" Remove comma.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:47, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"That season the Associated Press" Comma after season.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:47, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
Senior year
"visit to Ann Arbor, Michigan an offer" Comma after Michigan.  Done
Fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:58, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"and the school's all-time leader with 1,580 points and 886 rebounds" change to "and became the school's all-time leader in points with 1,580 and rebounds with 886".  Done
Fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:58, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"and Biefeldt's career-high 40-point game fell one short of Gary Bielfeldt's 1954 senior year 41-point performance for Octavia High School" I'm not sure what that has to do with the prior part of the sentence? Maybe you can move this part to the prior paragraph where it mentioned the 40 point game.  Done
moved.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:12, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"In fact, Bielfedt's 20 double-doubles as a senior fell short of his own 21 as a junior" Remove in fact.  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:22, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"Peoria has produced a lot of NCAA Division I talent" It says that source is locked so I'll just assume good faith that Peoria has produced "a lot".  Done
In the article we have links to Peorians Brian Randle, Shaun Livingston and A. J. Guyton. There are others that you can google.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:29, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"Chicago Tribune All-state 2nd team" Spell out 2nd to be consistent with the rest of the article.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:34, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"In MaxPreps final class of 2011 top 100" Apostrophe with MaxPreps.  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:37, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"Beilfeld joined a 2011 incoming Michigan class" Shouldn't this go after the next sentence. The article hasn't said he signed with Michigan yet.  Done
Corrected.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:40, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
"Despite his family's ties to the Illinois Fighting Illini,[47] Bielfeldt had a ceremonial verbal commitment event at his high school library on March 25" Shouldn't this sentence say that he chose Michigan?  Done
added.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:43, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
College
Michigan (2011–2015)
"Shouldn't there be a freshman season heading?  Done
Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 17:35, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"Part of the reason for the redshirt was injuries to his hip and knee" Shouldn't that be the second sentence in this paragraph?  Done
Thx.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 17:38, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"While supporting Morgan, Horford and McGary he " Comma after McGary.  Done
Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 17:40, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
Sophomore season
"against IUPUI Bielfeldt posted" Comma after IUPUI.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:22, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"played 9 minutes posting" Comma after minutes.  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:25, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"contributed four points and two rebounds in his six minutes of playing time" You used numerals in the other parts of the article and this same paragraph so we should be consistent.  Done
Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:28, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"but the fans razzed him and he missed some free throws" Do we not know the exact number? Also, this is just cited to a video it looks like.  Done
Buffed up.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:48, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"Michigan lost the April 8, championship game" Remove comma.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:30, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
Junior season
Seed is linked here but this link should be removed and the first instance in the sophomore section should be linked instead.  Done
Great catch.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:39, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
"getting a game-winning" Change to scoring.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:36, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
Senior season
"reclassified Max Bielfeldt" Remove Max.  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 18:41, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"Ricky Doyle and redshirt freshman Mark Donnal duked it out" Change to competed.  Done
THX-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 18:43, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"highlighted by Max Bielfeldt's career-high" Remove Max.  Done
ok.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 18:46, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"Over the course of his senior season at Michigan his role increased" Change to "His role increased over the course of his senior season at Michigan"  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:15, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"Without Bielfeld Michigan may have fared much worse than 16–16" The source is locked so I'll just assume good faith. Also comma after Bielfeld.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:18, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
Transfer
"On April 21, 2015, Max Bielfeldt" Remove Max.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:29, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"On April 24, he visited Iowa State" Link Iowa State.  Done
Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:32, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"At the University of Michigan he earned", Comma after Michigan.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:41, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"an bachelor's degree" Change to "a".  Done
fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:46, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
"In late May, Bielfeldt was worried about Iowa State coach Fred Hoiberg's possible appeal as head coach for the Chicago Bulls" I don't understand what this means? Also, the next sentence may need adjusted if anything changes here.  Done
Changed. Have a look.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:00, 26 October 2023 (UTC)
Indiana (2015–16)
"that he got out just before a major" Change got to something else.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:50, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"provided poise, maturity and leadership" Those sources are locked so I will assume good faith that they say that.  Done
O.K.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:52, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"Crean shook up the lineup" Change shook up to "changed"  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:55, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"In the December 30, Big Ten Conference season opener" Remove comma.  Done
OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:58, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"returned to Ann Arbor, Michigan" Unlink that. It was linked earlier.  Done
Thx-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:01, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"Bielfeldt led the team" Change Bielfeldt to "He".  Done
done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:04, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"Bielfeldt, was voted the Sixth Man of the Year" Change to Big Ten Sixth Man of the Year  Done
Ok.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:09, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"51.6% field goal percentage and 43.6% 3-point field goal percentage" Put an "a" before 51.6 and 43.6.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:12, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"Indiana was defeated by on Michigan" Remove on.  Done
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:14, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"against the number one seed, North Carolina" Remove comma.  Done
O.K.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:23, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"contributed 15 points off the bench, but it was not enough against" Remove comma  Done
I believe this is grammatical.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:25, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
"against (#8/#9) Michigan" and "No. 1-seeded (#10/#10) Indiana". What do those numbers mean?  Done
Is this clear now?-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:30, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
Post graduate
"Michigan teammate, Albrecht" Remove comma.  Done
Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:36, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
Lead
"1st" should be written out or spelled to be consistent with the rest of the article.  Done
Thx-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:51, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
"as possibly the greatest low post players" Is that supposed to say "one of the" or no?
No.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:55, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
Where'd you get his birthday?
Added to text with WP:RS.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:09, 29 October 2023 (UTC)
Infobox
Where'd you get his height and weight?  Done
I have two disagreeing sources:
Michigan says 6'8" 245
Sports Reference says 6'7" 201.  I assume the 6'7" was a college entry number (possibly coming from high school measurments).
Do you have advice on how to handle this? I don't usually see WP:ICs for body measurments in infoboxes.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:16, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
There's no external stat profile linked in the infobox so I would add the Michigan reference to his height and weight and put a note that Sports Reference has something else. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 19:48, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:32, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Where'd you get his numbers?  Done
I have been told that these are suppose to be for professional numbers only.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:54, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
I guess I just need the feedback on the body measurements.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:16, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Overall, very comprehensive. Nice research. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 16:39, 20 October 2023 (UTC)

After having waited nearly 7 months for a review, I can say it was worth the wait. Thanks for looking so closely at this. It will take me a while to get through this (hopefully not nearly 7 months though).-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 08:20, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
User:WikiOriginal-9 Any chance you could take over the GA review of his sister, which has been abandoned?-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:30, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Did you ask Eurohunter if they were going to finish? Looks like the last thing they said was they were waiting for answers. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 19:48, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
See User_talk:Eurohunter#August GA reviews-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:51, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Thanks but I think I'll pass on that review. I replied to you about the height and weight above also. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 22:11, 30 October 2023 (UTC)
Last points
@TonyTheTiger: I don't actually see in the espn ref where it says his birthday?WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 22:45, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done
Text has 2 refs for his birth. ESPN is cite for birthplace, IUHOOSIERS is ref for birthdate.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:45, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
Also, do you think we should link Octavia High? Do you know where that is? WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:07, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done
The original source "41 - Bielfeldt family scoring record. Gary Bielfeldt, Max's grandfather, scored 41 as a senior at Octavia High in 1954." gives no further information. In 1954, I assume it existed in the state of Illinois, but I am not sure. It must be defunct or have merged.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:57, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
"Beilein attempted to block Bielfeldt from transferring within the Big Ten, but Indiana won an appeal" I think this should go later in the section because it hasn't said he chose Indiana yet. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:26, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done
Done.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:08, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
"he was regarded as possibly the greatest low post players" fix grammar. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:28, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done
The source is PD. Any advice on the phrasing in the main body and in the WP:LEAD.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:15, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
What I mean is that isn't "players" in that sentence just supposed to be "player"? Also, I don't see in the body where it talks about this? WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 21:54, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
The WP:LEAD is suppose to be a summary of content in the main body. So if you can't find a source for it in the main body it should not be in the lead. In this case I am talking about the paragraph starting with "Although the state of Illinois has produced many successful NBA players"-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:16, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
I have fixed the LEAD.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:17, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
Also, I went ahead and changed "razzed" to "heckled". If you don't think that's right, let me know. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:33, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done
Sounds good.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:59, 31 October 2023 (UTC)
All points have been addressed. Passing the article. Nice work! WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 01:30, 1 November 2023 (UTC)