# Talk:Gita Gutawa

WP:RS are required for biographical articles/stubs SatuSuro 12:35, 22 March 2009 (UTC)

Done. Crisco 1492 (talk) 05:35, 4 September 2011 (UTC)


### Gita Gutawa
This peer review discussion has been closed. 
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like feedback on what is necessary to bring this article to GA status. 
Thanks, Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:58, 28 September 2011 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: Prose needs some attention. I also found the content a little thin, but maybe that's to be expected when the subject is only 18. Here are some specific points:-

Lead
Rearrange this sentence: "She was discovered in 2004 when she was practicing her vocals by the manager of ADA Band, who invited her to record a duet with the band"
Done.
"Gutawa has stated that she feels like she is viewed by others as only becoming famous because of her father's influence, which she resents." I am sure that this could be expressed less awkwardly and ambiguously. Likewise "However, she has also been described as being perceived as being..." etc.
Hope the new wording is better
Early life
Does 'song rhythm' refer to the whole name, or to the given names Aluna Sagita? Also, use full ("...") quote marks.
Made clearer.
You should reword this section to avoid having two very brief sentences: "She was their first child." and "She is a soprano."
Worked into other sentences
"a music course to learn the classical piano, later switching to vocals." I'd delete "music" and "the". The last phrase doesn't fit grammatically, and I'd use "singing" rather than "vocals". Thus: "a course to learn classical piano, though she later switched to singing".
I took a similar phrasing.
Music career
Change the beginning. Starting a section "One day,..." is anecdotal not encyclopaedic
Cut.
"a duet with the band" normally implies with another singer, accompanied by the band. This should be clarified, even if we don't know who the other singer was.
Added "lead singer"
"she was approached" We need the name here. Also, the first mention of a person in a paragraph should always be by name, not pronoun. Thus: "After a year in production  Gutawa's debut album, ..." etc. Some attention to the punctuation is advisable in this sentence.
Done
Try to avoid overuse of "noted" as a description (three times so far)
Only one now.
Example of an overlong and overloaded sentence: "Featuring a total of twelve songs, some written by noted musicians Glenn Fredly and Melly Goeslaw, and produced by her father,[5] the album was well-received, selling 150,000 copies in four months[4] and eventually being certified triple platinum." Five pieces of information is too much for one sentence; it should be split.
Split, with the number of tracks cut.
"...stopping only after she became pregnant with Gutawa's sister" → "in which role she continued until she became pregnant with Gutawa's sister"
Used your wording.
"...her mother doing scheduling". Too vague; what was she scheduling?
Added
"on short notice" → "at short notice"
Done.
Try to avoid close repetition of "eventually" in fourth para. I suggest that the 4th, 5th & 6th paras, all very short, should be combined.
The sixth is not about an album, so merging it would lose focus. I have combined the 4th and 5th.
"the destitute" is a rather broad term; can you specify a country, or a humanitarian agency?
Changed to "Indonesia's poor"
Acting career
Final sentence, beginning "She noted..." I can't identify the source this sentence is cited to? Also, "She noted" is rather odd. I imagine she gave this information in the course of an interview, or similar, rather than "noting" it.
Reworded to match the Jakarta Post source better.
Education
Advise remove the first statement which reads as editorial opinion
Done.
"While in elementary school and junior high school, she was chosen as the best student at that school for five subsequent years". You've mentioned two schools, so what does "that school" refer to? Suggest you delete the words "at that school".
Done
Can you give a bit more information on the Sampoerna Foundation, other than it being "education-oriented", and perhaps amplify on the role of a youth ambassador?
Done, although nothing in third party works. I think for simple things like a definition, a SPS is fine.
Public perception
I doubt that this scant information deserves a main section all to itself. The fact that Gutawa believes she has earned her success on merit rather than on the back of her father's reputation could easily be slid into, say, the Music career section.
I tried to refactor the paragraphs, although more feedback would be appreciated.
References
As most of these are in Indonesian I'm not able to comment on their reliability. In at least one case, Indonesian language is not noted; in another, the access date is incomplete.
Regarding reliability, Detik is the online version of a magazine, Republika is a newspaper, Bali Post is a newspaper, and KapanLagi is a celebrity news site with paid reporters (hence the three letter codes at the bottom of the articles). I have fixed the partial date and the unmarked Indonesian site.
It is not always possible to relate citations to specific sources. How many of the bibliography entries actually used as sources in this article?
I've fixed the one broken hyperlink. Everything should check out now.
I hope you find these points helpful. As I am not able to watch individual peer reviews, please ping my talkpage if you wish to raise any issues arising rom this review. Brianboulton (talk) 18:42, 12 October 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the very thorough review. I have addressed your comments, and would appreciate any further feedback (no need to go too in-depth with the feedback). Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:06, 13 October 2011 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Gita Gutawa/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: GreatOrangePumpkin (talk · contribs) 12:52, 4 December 2011 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 
The prose not ok. These are just examples from the lead:
"is an Indonesian soprano, actress, and songwriter; she is also the daughter of noted composer Erwin Gutawa." - replace semicolon with period and remove "noted" (seems like POV)
"Although she originally studied piano, Gutawa later switched to vocals." - reads better
"After album featuring the duet sold 800,000 copies, " - this is odd grammar, and what album?
"The success of that album, the self-titled Gita Gutawa, led to her receiving numerous acting and marketing job offers. " - totally redundant
"She has recorded two albums since then" - since when? Since she received "numerous acting and marketing job offers"? Or when she released her album? This is not clear.
"Gutawa resents what she feels is a perception that she became successful through nepotism" - I don't understand what you mean. And how is that notable to know?
or in text below:
"After several performances had to be canceled due to an inability to find band members at short notice, she assembled a band, made up mostly of girls her own age." - this should be definetly reworded
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 
Most of sources are not in English, so I don't know how reliable they are. I know The Jakarta Post is reliable, but how are the following:
kapanlagi.com
Entertainment news website with paid journalists. Note how articles like this have a three letter code (or codes; in this case (kpl/wwn/boo)).
republika.com
Official website of Republika (Indonesian newspaper)
us.hot.detik.com
Like KapanLagi.com, entertainment website with paid journalists and editorial control.
balipost.co.id
Official website of the Bali Post, which we don't have an article on yet.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 
Of course it would be nice to have a picture of Gita.
Sadly I'm batting 0.000 on OTRS requests, so... I've asked someone who's had more success to try KapanLagi.com; the editor succeeded in getting two pictures of Agnes Monica.
Overall:
Pass/Fail: 

Thanks for taking this. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:10, 4 December 2011 (UTC)
Dabsolver check: ok
Checklinks check: ok
On hold Sorry, but the prose is not very engaging, and totally not ok for GA. Please request one on WP:GOCE/REQ. I will put this on hold. Let me know if the article is copyedited.
I'm doing the copyedit on my own for now. If it's still not up to par later, I'll contact the guild. As a side note, it seems that The Jakarta Post and other sources always use Gita to refer to her. Should we do the same? Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:25, 5 December 2011 (UTC)
Did my copyedit. Hope it's enough. If not, let me know. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:34, 5 December 2011 (UTC)
" This led to Gutawa's mother stepping in and serving as her manager, in which role she continued until she became pregnant with Gutawa's sister" - A woman can be pregnant from a woman?
" This was followed by a third album, the Islamic religious album Balada Shalawat, in August 2010" - in August released, recorded? Not clear.
Both fixed. Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:32, 6 December 2011 (UTC)
Ok, will list it. Congrats!
Thanks! Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:48, 6 December 2011 (UTC)

there is in id.wiki put not on en.wiki ? Wanshiranui (talk) 04:59, 17 May 2012 (UTC)

Id Wiki allows fair use images of living people and Wikipedia-only donations. The English Wikipedia does not. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 05:13, 17 May 2012 (UTC)

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