# Talk:Dayton Moore

This review is transcluded from Talk:Dayton Moore/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
Going to review this article. MWright96 (talk) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 


### Infobox
Don't think the year of Moore's graduation from George Mason is needed in the infobox
Removed


### Lead
"Dayton Moore (born February 17, 1967) is the general manager of the Kansas City Royals." - there's some information that I feel is missing from this portion of text such as Moore's nationality and that he is a baseball executive
Added
"Moore's began his baseball career" - {{xt|Moore's baseball career began}
Done
"Moore originally served in scouting department" - can be worded to say in the, in its or in the team's
Done


### Early life
"Moore was born on February 17, 1969" - Baseball Reference and the infobox state Moore was born in 1967 not 1969
Fixed, likely typo
"Moore claims to have watched the 1985 World Series in Kansas City from I-70." - Interstate 70 for non-American and baseball readers
Done
Wikilink undergraduate degree and master's degree
Done
"Moore received a master's degree in Athletic Administration from George Mason in 1992, and served as an assistant baseball coach at George Mason" - the close repetition of the university's name should be avoided
Fixed


### Career
"before his promotion in 2002 to director of player personnel development." - this can be written as either before his 2002 promotion to director of personnel development or before his promotion to director of player personnel in 2002
Used the first option
"The Kansas City Royals offered Moore a job as the team's general manager, and Moore took the job" - offered Moore employment
Done
"saying "I think the player has earned the opportunity to play professional baseball." [16]" - the space after the quote and the reference is not needed
Removed
"also help set the stage for the Royals' two World Series teams" - I believe there is a more formal way of wording the text in bold but cannot conjure it up
Changed to "provided important pieces for the Royals' two World Series teams", is that better?
I accept the revision. MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
"After the Royals' World Series win, Moore signed another contract extension to remain with the Royals longer." - the team for longer.
Done


### Personal life
The word Christian doesn't  need to be linked per MOS:OVERLINK
Removed links
"Moore is also the author of the book "More Than a Season", which describes Moore's efforts " - repetition of the word Moore('s)
Used his in the second instance


### References
All of the references that mention the dates on which they were publishes are better off mentioned in the article
Added date= parameters to all of the references that provided a date published
"Front Office Biographies - Dayton Moore" - the hyphen should be replaced by an en dash per MOS:DASH
Fixed
Reference 10 should mention that the Associated Press was the agency that provided ESPN with that story
I used the author= parameter to insert the Associated Press on both 10 and 15.  Did this bring about the desired result?
Yes, that is fine MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
Same issue as above for Reference 15
See above
@MWright96: - All points addressed. Hog Farm (talk) 17:52, 30 March 2020 (UTC)

@Hog Farm: Now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)