# Talk:Cyclone Daman

This review is transcluded from Talk:Cyclone Daman/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Hi!  I will be reviewing this article for GA status, and should have the full review up soon. Dana boomer (talk) 17:42, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose):  b (MoS): 
Because the Impact and Aftermath sections are so short, please consider combining them, and renaming the section "Impact and aftermath".
Done Jason Rees (talk) 23:59, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR): 
The records section needs a reference.
Done
There are not supposed to be spaces between punctuation and references, and references should go outside punctuation, not inside.  I've fixed them in the article, but just wanted to point this out for future knowledge.
Thanks Jason Rees (talk) 23:59, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 
Is there any other information available that could be added to the Impact and Aftermath sections? What was the damage that added up to .65 million?  Crops, houses, infrastructure?  Any other interesting tidbits in newspapers?
I Will check the Hurricane Newspaper archive & Fijian Times later.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars etc.: 

It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/Fail: 

I have a couple of concerns for this article regarding prose, MOS and coverage, but they are minor and should not take much time to fix, so I am putting the article on hold.  Drop me a note here on the review page or on my talk page if you have any questions. Dana boomer (talk) 18:19, 20 October 2008 (UTC)


### Comments
Thanks Dana boomer for reviewing the article and i will start working on you comments in a few minutes. Jason Rees (talk) 20:29, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Everything looks good, so I am going to pass this article to GA.  It looks like you've added a little bit of information to the Impact section, which is good, and if you find any more in the future I urge you to add it. Nice work. Dana boomer (talk) 14:48, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
Thanks for the review Danna Jason Rees (talk) 14:55, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

RSMC Nadi reported later that day that convective bands were getting better orgainsed, convection had also increased to the west of the low level circulation center. They also reported that the depression was located within an area of low shear and that the sea surface temperatures were favourable for further devlopment. You already mentioned that it was located within an area of low wind shear, I'm not sure that it needs to be mentioned again if it didn't change. You can include the importance of the warm waters to avoid having a short sentence
You use the warning centers a lot before you explain the features of the storm. They should only be used in that way if there are significant differences between the TWC's and for intensities.
 Early on December 6, Cyclone Daman recurved unexpectedly, towards the east which put Fiji's most northen island of Chikoba at risk. sounds out of place
RSMC Nadi also reported at this time that an approaching shortwave upper trough upstream of the cyclone enhanced the outflow over the system. Very confusing term, either find a link for it or find another way to define the conditions surrounding Daman 
Just a few for now, I'll have to finish the copyedit later. Cyclonebiskit 18:26, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

This came as Daman brushed by the Fijian Island of Cikobia. what were the winds at this time? 
Cyclonebiskit 20:54, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Lead
*Try and make an original opening sentence that can grasp the readers attention. The most important feature of the storm is usually the best

De-capitalize terms that aren't used with a proper noun
Due to the severity of the storm, the name Daman was retired and replaced with Denia Was this the only reason why it was retired?
On December 3 the Regional Specialized Meteorological Centre in Nadi, Fiji, upgraded a tropical disturbance located to the west of the Solomon Islands, to Tropical Depression 04F. -> On December 3, the Regional Specialized Meteorological Centre (RSMC) in Nadi, Fiji, upgraded a tropical disturbance, located to the west of the Solomon Islands, to Tropical Depression 04F.
On December 5, as the depression moved towards the west into the Fijian Archipelago, both the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC) and RSMC Nadi upgraded it to Cyclone Daman at the same time. both...at the same time is repetitive.
Starting with the second sentence of the second paragraph in the lead, you use Daman in every sentence, try to use other words like "the cyclone" or "the storm" etc...
Meteorological history

Avoid saying that X agency reported that X feature were present in the storm
Any distances from major cities or islands to give a better focus on where the storm is?
Preparations

Early on December 5, RSMC Nadi started to issue Special Weather Bulletins on Tropical Cyclone Daman. De-capitalize Severe Weather Bulletins
Avoid using Daman so much
Impact and aftermath

Water pipes were damaged by trees that had fallen down because of strong winds from Daman however despite initial fears there were no fatalities. It was originally thought when Daman affected Cikobia that there had been some casualties. -> Water pipes were damaged by fallen trees as a result of high winds from the storm. Despite initial fears of there being some fatalities on Cikobia, no loss of life was recorded due to the storm.
This was because the Fijian Disaster Management Office had lost contact with the island just as Daman made landfall. reword to conform to newly proposed sentences above
However, they confirmed later that day that Daman was not responsible for any deaths or injuries as the islands 65 residents had evacuated to caves on Cikobia. remove this and give the reasoning for no loss of life earlier
The Fijian Goverment on January 15, 2008 allocated $530,000 2008 ... ->The Fijian Goverment, on January 15, 2008, allocated $530,000 2008...
By August 2008 all work rebuilding Cikobia after Cyclone Daman had been completed. ->By August 2008, all work rebuilding Cikobia after Cyclone Daman had been completed.
Records and naming

This was the second time that a Cyclone had been called Daman within the South Pacific, having last been used in the 1991-1992 season. -> This was the second time that the name Daman had been used to name a cyclone in the south Pacific, having last been used in the 1991-1992 season.
Cyclonebiskit 18:44, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

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