# Talk:Herbert Charles Wilson

This review is transcluded from Talk:Herbert Charles Wilson/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   01:34, 22 August 2010 (UTC)
Okay, i'll have a read through it and then I'll have some initial comments for you. :) HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   01:34, 22 August 2010 (UTC)


### Initial review
All comments based on this version Whisky drinker | HJ's sock  (Mistake? let me know) 03:19, 22 August 2010 (UTC)

General
You have two links to disambiguation pages
Done. Connormah 04:07, 22 August 2010 (UTC)
The whole article needs a comma audit. There are commas in weird places, commas where there shouldn't be etc. You need to go over all of them and ask what each one is doing.
Use of "physician" vs "doctor" needs to be consistent
Can you come up with more interesting and detailed captions for the images?
Done, FWIW. Connormah 21:36, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
Lead section
My immediate thoughts are that it's not long enough and doesn't really meet WP:LEAD. The lead is supposed to provide a summary of the article—think of it as the whole article, just condensed to about a fifth of the size as opposed to an introduction

(Hopefully) addressed by Wehwalt - I think it does a pretty good at summarizing the article. Connormah 04:41, 22 August 2010 (UTC)
Looks good. I'll work my way through the rest of the article now. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   16:16, 22 August 2010 (UTC)
Thanks. Connormah 20:24, 22 August 2010 (UTC)
Early life and education

Career
Why is the section called career when most of his career is presumably covered in the rest of the article? Perhaps "early career" would be more suitable?
The prose is quite choppy. I had a quick go at the first paragraph, but the whole thing reads a bit like a prosified list of bullet points, really.
Recent marriage? Giving it just a mention there leaves the reader thinking "what recent marriage"?
What more can you tell the reader about the last two roles mentioned? Are they important? What do they entail?
I could move these to another section, maybe. I think it's worth mentioning, though, but I can be swayed. Connormah 03:29, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
I gave it a good rearranging and CE - how is it now? Connormah 03:47, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
I guess I can call this done (for now) Connormah
Politics

Speaker of the Legislative Assembly
What assembly? Nominated for what? The section should give at least a little detail. Think of a reader who may have jumped straight to that section in the TOC. Come to think of it, does that section heading need to be there at all?
Hillyard Mitchell is a redirect to another spelling
It's spelled like than in the book - I think both were acceptable, but I can change it. Connormah 03:23, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
Well if neither is incorrect, I guess it whichever floats your boat. :) HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   03:47, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
What does that middle paragraph have to do with Wilson's biography?
Well, it's, I guess some highlights from his time as speaker? Connormah 03:55, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
After territorial politics
After his retirement from the post of speaker, and despite health concerns, Wilson still managed to remain an active community member sounds rather like praising Wilson.
Is this any better? Connormah 03:34, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
The rest of the first paragraph is basically a prosified list of bullet points.
Middle paragraph:
Should be merged somewhere. A single-sentence paragraph looks out of place
Why is there a comma after wife??
Any idea whereabouts in Europe (it's quite a big place!) or how long he spent in London and Edinburgh or any other details to supplement the bare bones there? Not a huge issue, but more information would be good if it's available.
Mayor of Edmonton
Linking dates is discouraged. Linking to non-intuitive targets even more so.
What on Earth does Wilson was elected mayor of Edmonton, defeating John Alexander McDougall, himself a future mayor mean?
Why is the mention go him being made JP in between the mayoralty stuff? Is there anything more known about him as a JP?
Personal life
Is there any significance to those friendships or is it just name dropping?
Will think about it, but I trimmed one name off the list. Connormah 04:19, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
I ask the same question over his wife's DOB as I did above about those of his parents.
became a articling ?
I'll have a go at these shortly. Thanks, HJ. Connormah 03:20, 23 August 2010 (UTC)
I'm done my first attempt - how's it look? Connormah 04:19, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


### Wrapping up
You have a new dab link
The last 2 images need more descriptive captions
Th M.D. postnom shuld be removed per WP:CREDENTIAL
All in all, this is an informative article, nicely write, well illustrated and well laid-out. The only major concern is the comprehensiveness, but I feel it's sufficient to meet the GA criteria. That would be your biggest issue if you were to take this onto FAC. It could also do with a head-to-toe copy edit by someone with a fresh pair of eyes. The prose is good on the whole, but it gets choppy in places and would struggle to meet criterion 1a for FA, but I'm happy it meets the equivalent 1a of the GA criteria, which is an easier standard to meet. If more information were found and you wished to take it further, I'd recommend a peer review and seeking the opinions of experienced content reviewers as well as editors who have been involved with FAs on similar topics. It may also help to find an FA on a similar topic so you can compare and contrast and see what work would need to be done. There's no reason why, with a little hard work, it couldn't get a star in the not-too-distant future and I'd be happy to assist in any way I can. Meanwhile, I'm inclined to promote the article to GA status once the above 2 points have been addressed, but I'll seek a second opinion from another experienced GA reviewer since I was invited to review the article, though I don;t foresee any major issues coming up. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   16:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Done. Thanks. Connormah 20:03, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


### Second opinion
In the Politics section, please link "Frank Oliver" to its correspondence article as at the moment it stands out as a disambiguation.
In the Early career section, "Edmonton" just needs to be linked once.
In the Politics section, "He was elected on September 15, 1885 at the age of 25" ---> "He was elected on September 15, 1885, at the age of 25", commas after dates, if using MDY.
In the Speaker of the Legislative Assembly section, "As Speaker, wilson also helped revise the rules" ---> "As Speaker, Wilson also helped revise the rules".
In the Persona life section, is this ---> "The couple spent their honeymoon in Boston, Massachusetts" really necessary?
In the Death and Legacy section, "Wilson died in Edmonton on December 17, 1909 at the age of 50" ---> "Wilson died in Edmonton on December 17, 1909, at the age of 50".
Who's the Publisher for Reference 2?
--  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 17:23, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Done. Thanks. Connormah 20:13, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


### GA pass
I'm satisfied that all concerns raised above have been resolved and that this article meets the GA criteria, so I'm happy to pass it. :) HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts?   22:10, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

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