# Talk:Edwin Erickson

This review is transcluded from Talk:Edwin Erickson/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 14:29, 19 February 2020 (UTC)


### Criteria
1. Well-written

Prose is clear/concise/understandable Y
Spelling/Grammar Y
MOS lead N - Needs a couple more sentences
MOS layout Y
2. Verifiable

No OR N - The caucuses statement is not supported by the citation given
No COPYVIO Y
List of references properly formatted N - a bare URL and another missing a parameter
Inline citations from reliable sources Y
3. Broad in coverage

Covers main aspects N See below
Stays on topic Y
4. Neutral Y
5. Stable Y
6. Illustrated if possible

Media relevant Y
Media tagged for copyright status Y


### Comments
Lead - You include the scope of his district in the lead, but not the main body of the article.  It should be included in the article, too.  In fact, in the main body (not lead or infobox), you don't even mention the district he represented.  This should be included in the main body.

 Added in body
The lead is a bit brief for a biography GA, is there a way you could give a two or three more sentences?

 Added a bit
What is the citation in the lead being used to support?  The III suffix?

 Moved citation to source date of death
Infobox Items in the infobox should be cited in either the main body of the article or in the infobox.  Erickson's residence in Newton Township is not cited in either place.

 Added a source
I'm assuming that Bryn Mawr was doing co-ed graduate programs at this point.  That's correct, right?

 Not sure, but the source (https://justfacts.votesmart.org/candidate/biography/47186/edwin-erickson) says that is where he got his phd
The personal website link takes me to something entirely in Spanish.  This link should probably be removed, especially since the subject is deceased.

 removed
Biography "he was known for his active in guiding the policy behind" - What does this mean?

 Fixed
Pennsylvania Senate - The cited link for the caucuses takes me to the Vote Smart homepage, not the page containing the relevant data for Senator Erickson.

 Fixed the link
"Erickson left the Senate in January 2015" - Is this when his term expired?  If you, it should probably be phrased as his term expiring.  "Left the Senate" can mean many things.

 Clarified
Did anything particularly important happen during his senate term?  That should be mentioned.

 Already included a note about his plan for healthcare clinics, added some more
Who did he run against?  He won a special election, we should get a brief description of that election - who did he run against?  Was it a close race?  Contested primary?

 Couldn't find much, added margin
Later life - Both of those paragraphs can probably be combined, they're both rather short.

 combined
References
Ref 2 is a bare URL.  Also, Legacy.com collects obituaries newspapers, it might be better to get the direct source.

 Couldn't find the original source, but removed it since another source verifies the same claim
Refs 2 and 4 need accessdates.

 Done one source removed, one access date added
External links - The external link is a duplicate of a reference, and should be removed as it already appears.

 removed
That's it. Hog Farm (talk) 15:24, 19 February 2020 (UTC)

@Hog Farm: I've taken a crack at fixing the issues you raised - see above. Thanks, --DannyS712 (talk) 22:26, 19 February 2020 (UTC)
@DannyS712: - I added a sentence about his EPA regional adminstratorship to the lead.  I'm going to pass this as a GA now. Hog Farm (talk) 02:07, 20 February 2020 (UTC)