# Talk:Cyclone John

This review is transcluded from Talk:Cyclone John/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 21:05, 2 January 2013 (UTC)
Hello TheAustinMan, since you review Hurricane Gordon (2000), I have decided to return the "favor" and review Cyclone John. I have just a small list of things that probably shouldn't take you too long to fix.

"Severe Tropical Cyclone John was an intense tropical cyclone that rapidly intensified offshore before" - I think it would be better to say "rapidly deepened", since "intense" and "intensified" are rather close words. By the way, you might want to come up with a more interesting opening sentence. In doesn't sound very interesting that it "affected areas of Western Australia". Maybe, "brought destruction to areas of Western Australia"?
"before dissipating the next day on 16 December." - It is not necessary to have both "the next day" and "16 December". Pick one or the other.
There should probably be more impact statistics in the lead. For example, I see in the impact section that there were 25 houses flooded, 140 windmills destroyed between Whim Creek and Newman, and 220 cattle killed on a ship.
"Cyclone John made landfall near Whim Creek, Western Australia as a Category 5 cyclone at 0000 UTC on 15 December with a minimum central pressure between 930–940 mbar (27.46–27.46 inHg),[6] with winds gusting to 285 km/h (175 mph)." - I see that you mention the minimum pressure and the wind gusts. However, what was the actual sustained wind speed at landfall?
"The entirety of the cyclone's eye crossed the coast by 0200 UTC as the storm weakened as it moved further inland into an area of wind shear and dry air, which rapidly weakened the cyclone" - Is there any way you can reword that to avoid saying "cyclone" and "weakened" twice?
This is all I have. Please let me know when you are finished, or I will come back in 7 days. Good luck,--12george1 (talk) 21:05, 2 January 2013 (UTC)

Ok, I passed this article. Good job and good luck on the WikiCup,--12george1 (talk) 21:53, 2 January 2013 (UTC)