# Talk:Harmonia (video game)

I won't be doing a GAN review of this as I haven't played Harmonia yet myself, but one thing that worries me is the short reception section. I realize that the game hasn't been reviewed a lot in English sources, and hasn't received a wide release yet in Japan, but is there no more information that could be included? Do we know how the Comiket release did? (for instance, did it sell out immediately?) Another thing, which is much simpler to do something about, is the tracklist - WP:VGSCOPE says Unless the soundtrack or music is the subject of independent commentary (apart from the game): [...] do not include tracklists. If the soundtrack has been reviewed a bunch or otherwise commented on by RSs, it can stay (with that commentary added to the article), but otherwise it seems it should be axed. Most likely, any commentary like that will not happen until the music albums come out in May.--IDVtalk 08:17, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

The most maddening thing about this is the reception. I've been looking for more reviews for months, but there doesn't seem to be any other RSs that have reviewed the game other than the one in the article. And because the game has yet to be widely distributed in Japan, there is nothing in the way of sales, at least none that I've seen reported on RSs. I went through Takahiro Baba's Twitter account, but I couldn't see anything about the game being sold out at the event, though that's probably just because they brought more than they perhaps needed to since the general sale is in May anyway. There were other things that did sell out on the first day, but they got more of them later. And besides, whatever they don't sell goes up on their online store, although the sale period was only for 2 weeks in February. So actual sales info won't be until after May. I'll remove the tracklist, though, per the guidelines.--十八 09:31, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Harmonia (visual novel)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 11:22, 3 May 2017 (UTC)
I'll take care of this ('ω^＼) Cognissonance (talk) 11:22, 3 May 2017 (UTC)


### Setting and gameplay
"leading to them to be" – Fix grammar: "leading them to be".
Ref. 4 "people who lost lived ones" – Shouldn't that be "loved ones"?
"resulting in a world covered in dark clouds" – Avoid repetition of "resulting". How about "culminating in a world covered in dark clouds".
In the second paragraph, Ref. 1 only confirms that it's set in a town and Ref. 8 confirms the last sentence. I would suggest forfeiting Ref. 1 and Ref. 8 for a general video game citation to the end of the paragraph, unless there are more quotes available to confirm everything after Ref. 7.


### Story
"making her fall unconscious but alive" – Improve prose: "which leaves her unconscious, but alive".


### Development and release
The second paragraph should come first, as that is the one that concerns the development.
"added to Steam Greenlight in October 2015, but suffered from numerous delays" – Clarify: "added to Steam Greenlight in October 2015, following numerous delays".
"The game is directed by Kai, who also wrote the scenario with Tsuzuru Nakamura. In 2010, Nakamura had submitted a scenario titled Todoketai Melody (届けたいメロディ?) to VisualArt's' Kinetic Novel Awards." – This should be placed at the start of the development paragraph.
"The art director and character designer is Itaru Hinoue, which was her last contribution to Key before resigning in September 2016" – Improve flow: "Itaru Hinoue served as the art director and character designer, which marked her last contribution to Key before resigning in September 2016".
Shouldn't Yuichiro Tsukagoshi be mentioned in front of Ayaka Kitazawa like in Ref. 18?
Move Ref. 18 to the end of the sentence about the theme and insert songs. It covers that information as well.


### Reception
Insert past tense ("although Harmonia was not", etc.)
"with text that is not as poetic as the original text" – Clarify: "with text that seemed less poetic than what might have been intended with its Japanese counterpart".


### Overall
It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar):  b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 
Only one case of bad grammar. Needs a few prose adjustments.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):  b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism): 
Some of the gameplay needs to be sourced properly. Copyvio clean.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):  b (focused): 
It is as broad as it can be.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):  b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall: On hold.
Pass/Fail: 
@Juhachi: Cognissonance (talk) 13:35, 3 May 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for the detailed review. I took care of most of the above, and I'll explain a few things.

For the gameplay refs, I added the Hardcore Gamer review to reference the part about the sprites and CG artwork, and removed refs 1 and 8 in lieu of a general reference to the game at the end of the paragraph.
About the delays to the game, they occurred after it was released on Steam Greenlight, not before ([1]), so "following numerous delays" is not accurate. So I tried rewriting it to clarify this as "but this was followed by numerous delays".
And regarding Yuichiro Tsukagoshi, he simply did the arrangement for "Todoketai Melody", but he's not listed because I'll eventually be creating a Music of Harmonia article to include the single and two albums after they're released at the end of this month (Kai is not listed as the lyricist for both songs for the same reason).--十八 20:22, 3 May 2017 (UTC)
@Juhachi: Thanks for clearing that up.

Pass/Fail: 
Cognissonance (talk) 08:13, 4 May 2017 (UTC)