# Talk:Honolulu Volcanics

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Honolulu Volcanics/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Kingsif (talk · contribs) 19:08, 22 March 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I'm Kingsif, and I'll be doing this review. This is an automated message that helps keep the bot updating the nominated article's talkpage working and allows me to say hi. Feel free to reach out and, if you think the review has gone well, I have some open GA nominations that you could (but are under no obligation to) look at. Kingsif (talk) 19:08, 22 March 2020 (UTC)

Infobox good
Lead could be a bit longer
To my surprise, it was difficult to expand the lead. I took a stab at it - what kind of stuff would you expect to see?Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
There's some links you've left on the talkpage - do these need to be incorporated into the article for coverage?
Normally when I park links like that, it's because I am not actually sure if they are reliable enough for inclusion. So if they are, they should, but I need a second opinion. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
lead informative
good use of wikilinks (some are extraneous...)
earwig down, source:
Sources all seem reliable
consistent ref format
everything that needs a ref seems to have one
spot check not done !
good use of images
all free
good choice to use table
shouldn't the notes go below table and above refs?
Yes, moved it down. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
structure seems good
at displaced streams that previously ran through these valleys; for example, a waterfall in Kamanaiki Valley is formed by a lava flow, did it used to have a waterfall that is now a lava flow? Because it sounds like there is a lava waterfall.
No, it's supposed to say that the stream now forms a waterfall over the lava flow. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
Needs a capital at submarine vents
Done. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
"a 300 metres [...] high" should just be 'metre'
as with "a 1,700 metres [...] wide"
similar at "the 2.3 million years old" - singular 'year' for such purpose
The first two appear to be {{convert}} vagaries. I don't actually think the latter is wrong. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
Convert templates can handle both noun and adjectival forms (you'd have to look at the template, I don't remember how) - these are adjectival forms and should be singular. Kingsif (talk) 21:34, 23 March 2020 (UTC)
Attempted fixes here. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 09:39, 24 March 2020 (UTC)
The sentence Hanauma Bay close to Kalanianaole Highway is located 13 kilometres (8.1 mi) east of Honolulu[39] and it is a compound crater[40]/tuff cone that was breached by the sea;[41] it is 0.4 by 0.8 kilometres (0.25 mi × 0.50 mi) large, 18 metres (59 ft) deep at its outlet[42] with several associated dykes and lava flows[43] and coral reefs grow within it. seems to have some grammar mistakes - but it's in run-on territory and would be better broken up, anyway
Hacksawed it a little. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
Part of the article says passed under Oahu recently - recently, when? Either actually when or on what scale is 'recent' - the article has just been discussing different epochs and the 1800s, so there's no established scale. If there's no suggestion, this description should be attributed.
The source does not specify but given context it's clearly " in geologically recent times". Put that in insteadJo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
Also a run-on sentence issue with Xenoliths of amphibole, calcite, clinopyroxene, dunite, garnet, garnet peridotite, orthopyroxene, phlogopite, garnet pyroxenite, lherzolite and spinel have been described;[76][83][2] the most common ones are dunite, garnet containing rocks and lherzolite[84] and the relative prevalence of the various xenoliths is a function of the position of their source vent relative to the Koʻolau caldera.
I've split this. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
And at In terms of the ultimate origin of the magmas, either an origin from a mixing between MORB mantle with mantle plume rocks (sometimes described as "Kalihi component"[94] which is found in all Koʻolau volcanic rocks[95]),[96] the lithosphere[69] either ancient or 100 million years old as is the lithosphere beneath Hawaii[97] or exclusively from lithospheric mantle have been proposed.
I've split part of it out into notes. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
There's a red link aiming for depleted. Were you thinking of depleted-mantle model or something?
I don't think that's the correct target. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
What is the target? Kingsif (talk) 21:34, 23 March 2020 (UTC)
We don't have one yet, but the closest I think is Compatibility (geochemistry). Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 09:39, 24 March 2020 (UTC)
I've added some commas in, but there needs to be a lot more, an issue throughout
Hrm. I did take a look and it doesn't seem like there are many commas amiss. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 16:48, 23 March 2020 (UTC)
I've added some commas in one part where I corrected a typo - instances like this are where they're needed, if that helps? Kingsif (talk) 20:18, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Hrm. These commas to me struck more like a stylistic thing rather than a grammar rule. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Some of the sentences in the Activity at specific vents bullet list are weak
I think you'll need to specify, here. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
Sure:
Some eruptions such as these Kaau, Mokolea and Training School vents may have occurred as one sequence over a 13 kilometres (8.1 mi) long line - is this meant to be ", such as those at,"?
Rewrote this a bit. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
The grammar of The eruption took place several stages that were interrupted by hiatuses of no more than a few months of length.[133] It was colonized by coral reefs after it formed, and marine benches developed within it as well[39] whose exact origin is often not clear.[40] The eruption of Kahauloa was synchronous to that of Hanauma Bay, and erosion of the Hanauma Bay vents occurred already during the eruption.[134] is a bit uncertain, and I'm not sure about what some of the first two sentences mean
Oof. Resolved that. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Punchbowl Crater formed from the fallout of an eruption column when it fell back on the coral plain that the vent was located in - this could be rephrased to sound more formal (and also to be clear on what formed where because of what)
Clarified. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
The insertion of number values in The formation of the Sugarloaf flow was accompanied by tephra fallout which reached over 1 metre (3 ft 3 in) thickness 6 kilometres (3.7 mi) away in what is now downtown Honolulu[71] and was deposited on a limestone 123,000 ± 2,000 years old seems to have removed the surrounding words, or something, making context unclear
Later in that bullet, The flow was erupted on a ridge, west from the Manoa Valley,[139] and is a 15 metres (49 ft) thick aa lava flow, an unusual trait given its composition which resembles that of Nyiragongo volcano which produces fast flowing lava flows is a run-on; I also don't know what the first part means
Rewrote this a bit. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Grammar lost partway through Ulupau Head crater contained a lake after its formation, similar to Rano Kau on Easter Island[141] and with a surface area of 0.5–0.6 square kilometres (0.19–0.23 sq mi) was once the largest lake of Hawaii as well.
Kingsif (talk) 20:18, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Rewrote this as well. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 20:33, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
Many vents of the Honolulu Volcanics are furrowed;[58] erosion has cut gullies in the slopes of Diamond Head[36] and Punchbowl Crater,[145] and during sea level highstands wavecut terraces formed in some volcanoes;[106] it is likely that wave erosion breached Hanauma Bay, flooding it,[14] either during or after the eruption that created it. is a run-on again
Broke it up. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
The bullet list in the Youngest activity and hazards section should be prose.
I don't think that works so well in prose form. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
grammar in table needs work
@Kingsif:Did some cleanup here. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 16:48, 23 March 2020 (UTC)


### Overall
 On hold Some grammar issues. The lack of commas where needed can probably be fixed yourself, but if you're not sure how to clean up the sentences, a copyedit could be requested - I'd request a copyedit. Kingsif (talk) 20:48, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
@Kingsif:Responded to some queries. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 21:32, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
@Jo-Jo Eumerus: I've looked over the most recent edit, checked the sources in this part and the first part, and all seems good. Nice work.  Kingsif (talk) 02:05, 29 March 2020 (UTC)

"International airport" is misspelled. Unfortunate for a GA. ☆ Bri (talk) 15:49, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Put in a request for a fix at commons:Commons:Graphic Lab/Illustration workshop#Typo fix in map needed. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 15:56, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
Seems like a fix is in. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 09:58, 30 May 2020 (UTC)