# Talk:Alfred Mordecai

This review is transcluded from Talk:Alfred Mordecai/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 00:13, 12 July 2023 (UTC)

 
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

I have written a number of Wikipedia articles about American Civil War artillery weapons, so I already have encountered Mordecai. I scanned the article and it looks pretty good, but I need to go over it more carefully. Djmaschek (talk) 00:13, 12 July 2023 (UTC)


### Review 1
Items 3a, 3b, 4, 5, 6a and 6B are marked PASS. Note that I have two sources (Hazlett, Olmstead & Parks, Field Artillery Weapons of the Civil War, p. 225; Ripley, Artillery and Ammunition of the Civil War, p. 357) that state that Mordecai's son, also named Alfred, was a US Army Ordnance officer in the period 1861-1891. I can add this stuff later. Djmaschek (talk) 21:55, 12 July 2023 (UTC)

All done! Thank you so much for your review. StAnselm (talk) 16:27, 13 July 2023 (UTC)


### Review 2
I could only discover one typo. Here are some suggestions. Please either add them or argue your case to not add them. Thanks. Djmaschek (talk) 04:01, 13 July 2023 (UTC)

Introduction: paticularly > particularly.  Done
Introduction: This seems too short for a person who was a major influence on pre-Civil War US Army ballistics, artillery, and research. Would it be possible to expand it? There is nothing wrong with what you have written, it just seems as though there are more important things that could be mentioned (first Jew to graduate from West Point, helped the US adoption of the 12-pounder Napoleon.  Done
Early and personal life: At least one of the sources claims that Mordecai was the first Jew to graduate from West Point. If you believe this to be accurate, this should be mentioned.  Not done That was, in fact, Simeon Magruder Levy.
Early and personal life: Please note that his wife was Jewish. In my opinion, this is important to the biography.  Done
Early and personal life: The slave who Mordecai freed was a Hemings, who once was the property of Thomas Jefferson. Again, in my opinion, this is one of those "Did you know" quirks of history that should be mentioned.  Done
Diplomatic missions: "which was then manufactured" (The word "then" seems too vague. It could be read as "currently" which would be wrong. Perhaps "soon afterward" or "later" would be better choices of words.)  Done
Civil War and retirement, paragraph 1, sentence 1: You might mention his US Army son Alfred Jr. here.  Done
Civil War and retirement, paragraph 1, sentence 2: He resigned when? One of your sources gives the date (May 2, 1861?).  Done
Legacy: Alexander Rose should not be linked here, since he was already linked under Diplomatic missions.  Done
Comment: A list of all his publications, with the dates published in a separate section, would be useful at the end. These are listed throughout the narrative, but it might be worthwhile for the reader to see them all in one place. After all, some of these works had a major impact on Civil War era artillery.  Done


### Review 3
GA class. 1a, 1b, 2a, 2b, 2c, and 2d are marked PASS. Nice work. Djmaschek (talk) 20:24, 14 July 2023 (UTC)

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar): 

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): 

It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section): 

b. (citations to reliable sources): 

c. (OR): 

d. (copyvio and plagiarism): 

It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects): 

b. (focused): 

It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias: 

It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.: 

It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): 

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions): 

Overall:
Pass/fail: 

(Criteria marked  are unassessed)