# Talk:A Monster's Expedition

This review is transcluded from Talk:A Monster's Expedition/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Rhain (talk · contribs) 00:56, 26 February 2024 (UTC)
I'll take this one! I've had this game downloaded for a while, so maybe this will prompt me to play it properly. Expect some comments shortly. – Rhain ☔ (he/him) 00:56, 26 February 2024 (UTC)


### Infobox and lead
In the infobox, ensure the commas aren't in bold—e.g., '''iOS, macOS, Win''' → '''iOS''', '''macOS''', '''Win'''
 Done
Is there a more specific release date than "November 2020" for Linux? I think 20 November is accurate per ref 15
 Partly done I think Nov 20 is right, but I don't think ref 15 specifically says it. Is dev twitter citable for this?
The ref suggests that it was Nov 20, but you're right, probably not explicit enough. For something like a release date, I'd say Twitter is suitable! ☔
 Done
In the lead, [[PlayStation 4]], and [[PlayStation 5]] → [[PlayStation&nbsp;4]], and [[PlayStation&nbsp;5]]
 Done
received both positive and negative feedback → received mixed feedback or polarized critics
 Done
the game felt aimless or that the difficulty felt arbitrary → the game felt aimless or the difficulty arbitrary
 Done


### Gameplay
players explore → the player explores, for consistency
 Done
Rolling logs continue rolling until blocked by an obstacle or rolling into the water.—consider rephrasing this to maintain tense (e.g., Rolling logs continue to roll until they roll into the water or are blocked by an obstacle.)
 Done, I removed one of the instances of "roll" so the sentence doesn't have three "roll"s, I hope it's still clear.
Logs rolled into the water can create bridges, and later rafts,—I assume this means rafts are unlocked later in the game; up to you, but consider rephrasing to make this either more or less obvious:
Logs rolled into the water can create bridges and rafts
Logs rolled into the water can create bridges—and, later in the game, rafts—
 Done
The game incorporates elements of open world games → The game incorporates open world elements
 Done
lacks penalties for failure or overt guidance for the player on where to go—this phrasing suggests there are no penalties for player guidance, which I assume is not the intention
 Partly done Reading this again, I'm not actually sure "no penalties" fits here, it's probably more to do with the undo/reset functionality based on the sourcing. I dropped that part and expanded on the "no guidance" part.
Good call. ☔
allowing players → allowing the player
 Done
Link player character
 Done
 Question:   On the topic of this sentence, I find my wording The monster from A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build returns as the player character, who is exploring the islands which comprise a museum of human civilization for outsiders to be a mess of relative pronouns. Do you have any suggestions?
I had somewhat similar concerns on my first pass, but couldn't think of an alternative. Perhaps you could consider splitting the sentence (one focusing on the monster, the other on the islands)? ☔
 Done, I removed the parts I felt were redundant to the next sentence anyways.


### Development
Consider unlinking A Good Snowman Is Hard to Build and open world per MOS:DL (though not required)
 Partly done I unlinked open world, but kept A Good Snowman Is Hard to Build per personal preference, because one of the two previous titles being unlinked makes it look like that one doesn't have an article. I hope you don't mind.
I prefer no duplicate links, but that seems logical to me (and is allowed per MOS:DL)! ☔
A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build and Cosmic Express → A Good Snowman Is Hard to Build (2015) and Cosmic Express (2017)
 Done
Alan Hazelden was the...—consider rephrasing this sentence to avoid repetition. Some options:
The development team consisted of creative director and lead puzzle designer Alan Hazelden, art director Adam deGrandis, lead programmer Benjamin Davis, composer Eli Rainsberry, narrative designer Philippa Warr, and producer Syrenne McNulty
Alan Hazelden was the creative director and lead puzzle designer, Adam deGrandis the art director, Benjamin Davis the lead programmer, Eli Rainsberry the composer, Philippa Warr the narrative designer, and Syrenne McNulty the producer
 Done
Rainsberry was also the sound artist, per the source
 Done
but the final game → and the final game
 Done
island-based structure of the world → world's island-based structure
 Done
was in the game since early in its development → was present early in development
 Partly done I used was present from early in development; I think this makes it clearer that it was added early in development and was also in the released game.
Good call! ☔
The team felt this effort...—this sentence uses the word "game" thrice; consider rephrasing
 Done
they created a dynamic sound → the team created a dynamic sound
 Done
the game's score → the score
 Done
the game's art and text → the art and text
 Done


### Release
ported—pipe link Video game port
 Done
Consider combining these two paragraphs and merging them to the previous section (which can be renamed Development and release)
 Done


### Reception
Consider using {{Abbr}} in the table to clarify NS
 Done
This section is inconsistent with its naming of critics—e.g., PC Gamer's Phil Savage but only Push Square instead of Push Square's Stephen Tailby
 Question:   I don't really know what to do here. Personally I don't love naming critics (I think it's wordy and redundant to the reference), but there are two reasons I felt it was necessary: I'm actually citing two different PC Gamer reviewers, and felt the need to distinguish them: Jonathan Bolding and Phil Savage, and in the "accolades" section, the Fahey and Savage lists were specifically listed as personal bests, not the opinion of the publication as a whole. Should I just name everyone to be consistent?
Personally I would name everyone, but I understand your reasoning, and only naming PC Gamer's reviewers seems logical now that you've explained it. I'll leave this to you—no worries either way. ☔
 Partly done. I named everyone, I'm just not sure what the convention is on re-referencing someone later in the section. I went with just their name, but I'm not sure whether to re-reference by name, publication, or name+publication.
Looks good! Personally, I go with name+publication (e.g., Eurogamer's Tapsell) but I can see how that might look wordy so it's your call. – Rhain ☔ (he/him) 01:37, 28 February 2024 (UTC)
First paragraph:
A Monster's Expedition released to positive reviews, especially on Nintendo Switch, where it received "universal acclaim" from critics → A Monster's Expedition received "universal acclaim" on Nintendo Switch
 Done
recommended the game on OpenCritic → recommended the game according to OpenCritic
 Done
Second paragraph:
called out → highlighted
 Done
criticized the game only having one or two ways to complete any given puzzle → criticized the limited solutions to puzzles
 Partly done I prefer your wording for this phrase but I don't like what it does to the rest of the sentence. Thoughts on the current Vandal criticized the limited solutions to puzzles despite the game's presentation as open world?
Good call—looks good to me! ☔
Third paragraph:
The progression of the game drew both positive and negative commentary from reviews → something like The game's progression drew mixed responses or The game's progression polarized reviewers
 Done
Not sure the second sentence's quote is entirely necessary—consider rephrasing
E.g., Edge found the introduction of mechanics subtle, teaching the player...
 Done
Third sentence could be trimmed
E.g., PC Gamer's Phil Savage felt A Monster's Expedition's biggest strength was making players feel they had discovered mechanics themselves.
 Done
Others found that the nonlinearity of the game's puzzles was a major strength → Others found the puzzles' nonlinearity a major strength
 Done
US Gamer → USgamer
 Done
multiple critics, including US Gamer, Rock Paper Shotgun, and Pocket Gamer, cited → multiple critics cited
 Done
On the other hand → Conversely
 Done
Unlink Push Square per MOS:DUPLINK
 Done
got no more interesting reads a little awkwardly—consider rephrasing
 Partly done What do you think of and Vandal felt that the game did not progress in difficulty, but only became more overwhelming
Great! Far better than what I could come up with. ☔
Fourth paragraph:
The game's Nintendo Switch edition was specifically praised by several reviewers → Reviewers praised the Nintendo Switch version
 Done
the laid-back nature of the game → the game's laid-back nature
 Done
praising the Switch port's touch controls → praising the touch controls
 Done
cited the game's "bite-sized" → cited the "bite-sized"
 Done
Fifth paragraph:
overall atmosphere of the game → game's overall atmosphere
 Done
Eurogamer said the game as...—this sentence could be trimmed
E.g., Eurogamer found the game charming in its audiovisual design and mechanics, owing to a perceived lack of tension and an appeal to curiosity
 Done
the feeling of the game which → the feeling which
 Done
found that while simple → found that, while simple
 Done
The game's writing style...—consider rephrasing this sentence to focus solely on Pocket Gamer's praise (e.g., Pocket Gamer found the writing style "hilarious")
 Done
Awards and accolades
I think either "Awards" or "Accolades" would be a better section header, but I'll leave this to you
 Done
Unlink PC Gamer per MOS:DUPLINK
 Done
The first paragraph is a bit repetitious and could be trimmed a bit
E.g., consider Some reviewers listed the game among the best of 2020, including Kotaku's Mike Fahey and The New Yorker's Simon Parkin
 Done, and it was so short after I combined the two.
Consider removing the quotation marks from the award names (e.g., "Excellence in Design" and "Excellence in Audio") for consistency
 Done


### References and images
From this revision
Ref 13: US Gamer → USgamer
 Done
Ref 13: gamingonlinux.com → GamingOnLinux
 Done
Refs 21 and 22: add |accessdate=s per WP:CITEWEB
 Done
Consider archiving all references to avoid link rot
 Done IABot is being uncooperative, I'll do this later.
This is possibly outside of scope for GAN, but titles of works should be italicised in references per MOS:CONFORMTITLE
 Question:   I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to. Which ones are not italicised?
Sorry, I should have been clearer. The titles of works within reference titles should be italicised—e.g., ref 1 should be |title=A Monster's Expedition review – 'A new type of museum exploration'—but, again, this might be outside the scope of GAN so I'll leave it up to you. ☔
 Done
File:A Monster's Expedition cover.png and File:A Monster's Expedition gameplay.jpg have sufficient non-free use rationales and both are used appropriately here
 Done


### Result
That's all for now! Thanks for an interesting read—I'll definitely have to check out the game again. A lot of my comments are nitpicky so feel free to disagree or ask for clarification, and anything written like this is purely a personal suggestion. I'll likely do another pass once my comments are addressed—until then, putting this on hold.  – Rhain ☔ (he/him) 03:53, 26 February 2024 (UTC)

@Rhain: I think the article is ready for another pass. I've tried to use  Done when implementing suggestions verbatim,  Partly done when implementing but flagging for another look, and  Question:   for open questions. Thanks! ~ A412 talk! 19:49, 26 February 2024 (UTC)
@A412: Thanks for addressing my comments so quickly and responding so neatly! I've answered some of your questions above and will take another proper pass shortly (though I doubt there's much left at this point!). – Rhain ☔ (he/him) 05:44, 27 February 2024 (UTC)
@Rhain:. Everything should be resolved now (one question on re-referencing by name nonwithstanding). ~ A412 talk! 14:57, 27 February 2024 (UTC)
@A412: Thanks! I responded above, but won't let it hold up the review. Upon taking another look, I don't see any outstanding problems! I'll do a minor copyedit on my way out, but this is all yours: . Congratulations! – Rhain ☔ (he/him) 01:37, 28 February 2024 (UTC)