# Talk:Atlanta's Berlin Wall

This review is transcluded from Talk:Atlanta's Berlin Wall/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 18:18, 27 December 2020 (UTC)
Can review, shortly Eddie891  Talk Work  18:18, 27 December 2020 (UTC)

I feel like the lede sentence could be a bit more explicitly phrased than just calling it an 'incident' -- that doesn't really tell us much about it
Slightly rephrased first sentence. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
The background could be broken up into a couple of paras
Split Background section into two paragraphs. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
"Shortly thereafter, the neighborhood became the sight of blockbusting," is it really a 'sight' or maybe 'the neigborhood began to see blockbusting' or smth similar?
Changed to "began to experience blockbusting". -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
For images, I think a map of the subdivision where the wall was (bonus points if you can draw a line approximately where the wall was) and/or an image of the mayor would be helpful. I also think you can upload an image under fair use, as the wall isn't around anymore and nobody can go out and take a picture
Added an image of Cook from Wikimedia Commons, and I'll look into adding an image of the wall itself (I've seen a few of the barricade online), but unfortunately I'm not that knowledgeable with regards to uploading copyrighted media to Wikipedia. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)
"which was quickly signed into law by Allen, and work on the barricade started the next day" unclear if 'quickly' means the same day and consequently, it's unclear what day 'the next day' is
Rephrased to specify that he signed it the same day that the aldermen approved it. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
"was one of the only aldermen to vote against the barricade" what about the others?
Added a footnote further discussing the voting records for the board of aldermen -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:27, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
what would Cook's legislation have done and why is it relevant to this article?
Reorganized that section and added information on the legislation and its relevance to the article. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)
"800 acres (320 ha) of land north of Peyton Forest to serve as a residential area for African Americans" what was the land zoned as before? was it zoned explicitly for African Americans to live there?
Specified more based on the reference provided. Also added footnote giving context for zoning as it pertains to African-American neighborhoods. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
what was the boycott of?
Added new reference and specified the boycott. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
"A statement signed by Martin Luther King Sr." do you have a date?
Unfortunately, I can't find a specific date for the statement with the sources I have found.-JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:25, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
"On January 7, 1963, Atlanta's board of aldermen again voted in favor of keeping the barricade in place" had they voted in favor of keeping it in place previously?
Removed "again", as I believe the phrasing used in the source ("ten of the thirteen aldermen voted again to support the barricades.") refers to the initial vote to erect the barricade. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:25, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
"The incident is seen " seen by who?
Specified. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:25, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
Can you expand at all on the protests? I feel like there's more to say-- but may be wrong there. It particularly feels like Undaunted by the Fight may have some more detail
Added some additional details from the Undaunted source (including the information on James Forman) and slightly rephrased that whole section. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)
Looks really good so far, I've still got to spotcheck sourcing and check for comprehensiveness. Eddie891  Talk Work  20:32, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
Source checks
FN 3a I'm not seeing that Cascade Heights is an affluent neighborhood
Added additional sources that describe the neighborhood as affluent. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:25, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
FN 4c I'm not seeing that they specifically petitioned him, it just says they asked
Sorry about that, I was trying to avoid a close paraphrasing of the source, but if that's not an issue, I'll go ahead and change petition to ask. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:25, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
how do FNs 4 and 14 support " In general, the incident is viewed as a misstep by Allen, who has an otherwise strong legacy with regards to promoting civil rights" They support that some people believe that, but I'm not seeing in general
Rephrased to remove the "in general" part and added additional information on Allen. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)
FN 6 I'm not seeing The incident is seen as one of the most public displays of white fear towards racial transformation,
Rephrased and added additional source showing the national attention drawn by the event. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)
Clarify that MLK Sr and the president of the chapter weren't the only people to sign the statement
Added "among others". -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
FN 19 should include p. 156
Done. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
Checked almost all of the cites, holding. Eddie891  Talk Work  20:59, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
Hi, thanks for the review, should be able to address all the issues and points raised here over the next few days, will notify you when all issues are addressed. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 23:16, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
Hey Eddie891, just pinging you to let you know that I've made some edits to the page and attempted to address all the points you raised in this review, and that if there are any murky points or further clarification or anything to let me know! -JJonahJackalope (talk) 21:58, 7 January 2021 (UTC)

Sorry, it looks good now. I added a non-free image. Eddie891  Talk Work  03:50, 16 January 2021 (UTC)