# Talk:Alienation (speech)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Alienation (speech)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Bilorv (talk · contribs) 00:36, 11 March 2021 (UTC)


### Detailed comments
When was Reid's term exactly? April 1972 until 3 years later? Spell this out in "Background".
Three years from election, done - Dumelow (talk) 07:57, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
... helped resolve student issues, such as the eviction of a group of five undergraduates from their hall of residence in February – This has the faint implication that Reid ensured the eviction, but I'm guessing his aim was to prevent it?
Clarified - Dumelow (talk) 07:57, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Reid's inaugural address would take place – Just "took place" is fine, I think.
Done - Dumelow (talk) 07:57, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Some disruption was caused when two students dressed as a pink pantomime horse attempted to enter the hall – Do we know why? At protest against Reid's appointment? (On what grounds?)
The source didn't specify, probably just a student jape - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
... a consequence of the capitalist system of production – "Mode of production" is a slightly more precise technical term, right? And you could link Mode of production or Capitalist mode of production (Marxist theory).
The source uses system of production, but i think mode of production is better and have linked to the Marxist theory article - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
... led to workers having little understanding ... – This applies specifically to the proletariat/working class, right? Someone unfamiliar with the topic might think it also applies to owners of the means of production, so could be worth saying the class rather than just "workers", and maybe linking.
Good point, used working class - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Should the Bute Hall and RMS Queen Elizabeth images be swapped? It looks like they appear next to the opposite paragraph to where they're mentioned.
Yes, not sure why I had them back to front - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Though he framed his argument with reference to the shipbuilding industry Reid's address – Comma after "industry"?
Yep, done - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
"quoted Christ" – Worth adding the specific verse?
Yes, good idea.  I assumed, given the wording, that it came from the King James Version but it appears to be closest to an 1899 American edition, strangely.  Note added to article - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
He lamented wasted potential saying "I am convinced that ..." – Should be a comma before "saying".
Done - Dumelow (talk) 08:25, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Reid's biographers William Knox and Adam McKinlay state that the address had a liberal, middle-class and "almost Victorian" tone in the way it espouses the virtues of public service – "stated" (we quote critical analysis in past tense) and I think either "address has" or "it espoused" (consistent tense for the speech).
Yep, went for espoused - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
The speech was reprinted in full in The New York Times which hailed it – Comma after The New York Times.
Done - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
In Glasgow newspaper the Evening Times – false titles are slightly un-British English so maybe "In the Glasgow newspaper", but definitely "The Evening Times" (italics including "The") as it's part of the newspaper name.
Done - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
After all we are all against the "rat race" – Single quote marks here as it's nested within an outer (double-)quote.
Done - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Others praised the address which was described – Comma before "which".
Done - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
The Murray quote is a bit link: I'd elide Let them turn. Let them gyrate. Go into orbit if they will (just a fluorish, doesn't add meaning).
Done - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
He afterwards presented – Reads a bit awkwardly, would prefer Afterwards, he presented
- Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
A pleasure to review, much good work so far. Apologies that it's been so long in the queue. — Bilorv (talk) 00:36, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

Thanks so much for your review Bilorv, it's much appreciated (to be honest I forgot I had listed this one!).  I agree with all your suggestions and have made changed to the article per my responses above.  I've also sorted out the referencing issues you picked up (I accidentally merged text I intended to source with unsourced text in an early edit & the other bit was sourced fromt he speech itself) - Dumelow (talk) 09:38, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Just an inline citation needed to the text of the speech (e.g. via the external link at the bottom) in the second footnote, as it's a direct quote and WP:V requires it, and then I'm happy. I've also done a couple of changes here that I think you forgot to implement but marked "Done" (feel free to revert if that wasn't the intention, these small changes won't be a dealbreaker for GA). Otherwise the responses fix everything I could find. — Bilorv (talk) 15:18, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Thanks Bilorv I've used the University of Glasgow text of the speech but left it also as an External Link also as I think it is useful to the reader.  Thanks for fixing those items I missed, I must have lost an edit somewhere along the line - Dumelow (talk) 16:17, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
Great, that's a  pass for GA from me! Thanks for the quick replies. — Bilorv (talk) 16:43, 11 March 2021 (UTC)