# Talk:AlphaBounce

This review is transcluded from Talk:AlphaBounce/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: Cukie Gherkin (talk · contribs) 04:35, 9 April 2025 (UTC)
Reviewer: Shooterwalker (talk · contribs) 17:11, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

I'll take this one on. Look for comments later this week, if not sooner. Shooterwalker (talk) 17:11, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

Let's try to get through a first pass on the body. Once we know it's stable, we can look at the lead.
Gameplay
Really solid opening sentence. Likens it to recognizable historic games, but still explains what those are, for readers who might not be familiar.
That said, it's a bit of a mouthful -- maybe consider moving "single-player" to later in the passage, as something less important? This is more of a suggestion, and not something that would disrupt a GA.
I'll swing around back to this
"The first two" -> " The first two characters" or " The first two levels" (for clarify)
"The game requires the use of the Nintendo DSi's touchscreen to use the paddle to manipulate a ball around the play field. " -> "The game uses the Nintendo DSi's touchscreen to control a paddle that manipulates a ball around the play field" (simpler)
" During play, modifiers may appear that the player can collect which either strengthen or weaken their paddle; positive modifiers include the addition of three other balls and causing parts of the map to be cleared.  There are more than two dozen such items that can be found " -> "During play, items will sometimes appear that either help or hinder the player when collected. There are more than two dozen such items with unique effects, such as clearing parts of the map or adding additional balls." (turn one long sentence into two medium sentences)
"kicked out" / "force them out" -> I realize we might be hesitant to throw around jargon. But if something like "game over" doesn't feel right, even "ends the level" or "ends the play session" might be more clear.
" except for previously beaten levels" -> this sort of reduces the clarity, and might work better as its own sentence. e.g.: "Players can also replay previous levels".
I addressed everything except for the single-player thing; as far as the game over part, I opted to say that the player loses the level. Is that fine?

Development and release
Consider breaking up the first sentence, for readability. e.g. ". It was released for..."
The section is short. Do you feel confident that this is all there is to say about its development?
Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, this is the extent of the dev/release info. I checked every website I could think of, the magazine archive, this thing, and both Google Books and Google Scholars. I also checked with and without a space in the name. I think the only way at this point to get more info is to interview the developers myself. Which, to be fair, I might consider...
Reception
Let's start with the timely reviews, and move the retrospective "best games on the DS" stuff to the end of the section. Alternatively, let's at least have a paragraph break. It helps readers to be able to distinguish between the immediate critical reaction, and then the retrospective reaction after time has passed.
" Multiple critics considered it a fresh take on the formula found in Arkanoid and Breakout; including IGN writer Daemon Hatfield and NintendoLife writer Marcel van Duyn, who considered it the best clone of Arkanoid ever made" -> the semi-colon is confusing here
If you mean to apply this to just the two reviews, maybe simplify the sentence by having two shorter phrases, joined by an "also".
If you mean to apply this to every review in the rest of the paragraph, I suggest turning everything before the semi-colon into its own sentence, with a bundle of a few citations to support it.
How is this?
Inserting the sidebar about Joker breaks up the flow of the multiple Ronaghan comments. Either reduce Ronaghan to a single comment, or rearrange it so Joker comes after Ronaghan's are done.
Fixed, moved Navi's comments down to the later paragraph
Similar concern about the Van Duyn sidebar between the Hatfield comments. Try to do it one at a time, or do a quick summary sentence with all of them before diving into each one individually.
Fixed
"M! Games staff felt that the gameplay could get too chaotic due to them being unable to parse the power-ups from one another due to so many dropping at a time" -> ""M! Games staff thought the gameplay became too chaotic and hard to follow whenever several power-ups dropped at once."
"This was a sentiment shared by Pocket Gamer writer Mike Rose, who felt that not only was it hard to see the difference between power-ups, but also found it hard to remember what some power-ups do. He felt that the concept was interesting, but that the execution was poor, criticizing long load times, tedious parts of the game, and the fragility of the player's ship." -> "Pocket Gamer’s Mike Rose felt that the concept was interesting, but also criticized the power-ups as hard to distinguish, while further criticizing details such as the fragile ship and long load times."
"Gamekult writer Boulapoire was similarly turned off by the long load times and difficulty discerning power-ups from each other, noting that their small size makes it more challenging. They felt that the concept was intriguing, but that the execution was lacking." ->  "Gamekult writer Boulapoire also praised the game's concept, but had difficulty with the game's confusing power-ups and long load times."
" Eurogamer writer Kristan Reed felt that the sheer number of levels caused the game to be tedious to progress through; he felt that, at its best, it can be fun, thanks in part to its "inventive ideas and bold scope," but also felt that the level of patience required was too high for what it offers" -> "Eurogamer’s Kristan Reed praised the game’s inventive ideas and bold scope but felt its sheer number of levels made progression tedious and demanded more patience than it was worth"
This is really solid already. I think we might be able to finish it with just one more pass, if not two. Shooterwalker (talk) 20:54, 17 April 2025 (UTC)
Awesome, thank you for the timely review. I will get to these shortly! Cukie Gherkin (talk) 21:41, 17 April 2025 (UTC)
@Shooterwalker: I believe I've addressed every concern except for the single-player one; I'm not really sure where best it would be to clarify it being single-player other than that. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 16:59, 18 April 2025 (UTC)

Great work. Let's give it one more full pass, this time including the lead.
Opening sentence
Let's really try to pin down the opening sentence, both for the lead and the gameplay.
Lead: "AlphaBounce is a single-player action video game with a similar design to Breakout and Arkanoid."
Gameplay: "AlphaBounce is a single-player action game that plays similarly to Breakout and Arkanoid, which involve using a paddle to bounce a ball into blocks until the blocks are destroyed"
Let's remove the "single player" from both sentences. It's somewhat implied, and not important enough to be in the opening sentence. We'll find another home for it.
In the gameplay, let's flip the sequence, so the description (more clear) comes before the comparison (less clear).
"AlphaBounce is an action game where the player controls a paddle that deflects a ball to destroy blocks, similar to Breakout and Arkanoid."
Let's replace the opening sentence in the lead accordingly, focusing on the description of the game. You mention the comparisons later in the paragraph.
Lead
"in Europe and North America" -> I think this another detail that can be cut from the lead. It's in the body of the article and in the infobox.
"that offers unlimited play unlike the browser version" -> "offering unlimited play not available in the original version."
"going from level to level" -> "progressing through levels"
"It has received generally positive reception" -> I get in trouble for this one a lot -- who received it? Just a small rephrase is helpful, to attribute it.
"and for having so much content despite having a low price" -> "and for its value in the Nintendo DS store".
" Despite this praise, it has also been criticized over multiple factors, including long load times, difficulty discerning power-ups from each other, and finding the gameplay tedious at times." -> "Despite praise, it also received criticism for long load times, confusing power-ups, and occasionally tedious gameplay."
Body
Just to recap, let's get this opening sentence to the highest quality we can.
" All three characters have been sentenced to prison and forced to do deep space mining as part of their punishment, each attempting to break free and get to Earth, the mining represented through its gameplay" -> "In the game's story, each character is a prisoners on a deep space mining colony, trying to escape by breaking through the blocks across multiple levels."
"The game uses the Nintendo DSi's touchscreen" -> "This single-player game uses the Nintendo DSi's touchscreen" (this seems like a fine place to mention the single player nature of the game, if it needs to be mentioned at all.)
" force them out of the level" -> this is still a somewhat confusing sentence. Does this mean lose?
To follow the template of other articles, we should re-arrange this section in chronological order. The opening sentence is good. But next, start with the browser version of the game, then describe its evolution from archiving on GitHub. Then get into how the new version would be different from the browser game, and finish with the release.
"It received praise for the amount of content made available given its low price by Hatfield, the former who found it an addictive experience. Hatfield enjoyed that each difficulty had a different character perspective, encouraging repeated play for him, and that it did not punish the player much for losing a level" ->  "Hatfield praised the game’s extensive content for its low price, enjoying repeat play with multiple characters and the ease of re-trying a failed level."
" and be able to justify that price point" -> we can cut this as implied.
"though believed that some of the content was filler" -> "while noting that some of the content felt like filler."
"Despite the positive reception, other critics were more negative. "M! Games staff thought the gameplay became too chaotic and hard to follow whenever several power-ups dropped at once" -> "The game was also criticized by M! Games staff, who felt that the gameplay became too chaotic and hard to follow whenever several power-ups dropped at once."
Last sentence is missing a period.
That should get us most of the way there. We'll probably need to come back for a few more loose ends, but this is well on its way to GA. Shooterwalker (talk) 15:44, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
@Shooterwalker: I believe I did everything, though I would like you to check out the Development section since it had the biggest changes. Also, I changed the thing about forcing out of levels to say "cause them to lose the level." - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 07:17, 26 April 2025 (UTC)
A few minor changes for grammar and readability:
Lead
"offering unlimited play not available in the original version." -> ", offering unlimited play that wasn't available in the original version." (add comma and tweak)
"The player may collect upgrades" -> "The player can collect upgrades"
"It has received generally positive reception, praised as an exemplary clone of Breakout and Arkanoid and for its value in the Nintendo DSi store." -> "It has received generally positive reviews, praised as an exemplary clone of Breakout and Arkanoid, as well as for its value in the Nintendo DSi store."
Body
"AlphaBounce is an action game[1] which involve using a paddle to bounce a ball into blocks until the blocks are destroyed, that plays similarly to Breakout and Arkanoid." -> "AlphaBounce is an action game[1] where players use a paddle to bounce a ball into blocks until they're destroyed. The gameplay is similar to Breakout and Arkanoid." (more readable)
"There are also obstacles to deal with, such as enemies which shoot lasers that can damage the player's paddle and cause them to lose the level" -> "There are also obstacles, like enemies that shoot lasers to damage the paddle and cause the player to lose the level."
" allowing players to play more using real money" -> "allowing players to play more by spending real money."
""Another version was later developed by Motion Twin and published by Mad Monkey Studio on the Nintendo DSi's DSiWare download service on April 9, 2010 in Europe and April 12 in North America.." -> "Another version was later developed by Motion Twin and published by Mad Monkey Studio. In 2010, it was released on the Nintendo DSi's DSiWare download service on April 9 in Europe and April 12 in North America."
Development section flows much better now!
""Multiple critics considered it a fresh take on the formula found in Arkanoid and Breakout, including IGN writer Daemon Hatfield[4] and NintendoLife writer Marcel van Duyn, who considered it the best clone of Arkanoid ever made.[2]" -> "Critics such as IGN writer Daemon Hatfield and NintendoLife writer Marcel van Duyn considered it a fresh take on the Arkanoid and Breakout formula, with van Duyn calling it the best Arkanoid clone ever made."
"The A.V. Club staff found it to be a "pleasant surprise," commenting that the concept behind the game was something a person would not expect from the genre. He expressed a desire to see it come to the iPhone, finding it unfortunate that it was restricted to a relatively obscure platform like the DSiWare store." -> "The A.V. Club staff called it a "pleasant surprise," praising its unexpected concept while expressing a desire to see it on the iPhone, lamenting its restriction to the obscure DSiWare store."
"Ronaghan found the idea of an Arkanoid clone with role-playing elements novel, comparing it to the combination of the match-3 genre with role-playing elements found in Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords. He also felt that it did a lot to differentiate itself from Arkanoid." -> "Ronaghan felt the game distinguished itself from Arkanoid by adding role-playing elements, comparing it to the match-3 and role-playing elements found in Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords."
That should basically be it. Sources look good and the article is well on its way to GA. Shooterwalker (talk) 19:05, 29 April 2025 (UTC)
@Shooterwalker How's it look now? Cukie Gherkin (talk) 19:28, 29 April 2025 (UTC)
I made a small tweak to the lead, for order, flow, and priority. It's otherwise GA quality across the board. Thanks for putting in the work. Happy to promote this. Shooterwalker (talk) 12:46, 1 May 2025 (UTC)