# Talk:Bernard Waldman

This review is transcluded from Talk:Bernard Waldman/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Seabuckthorn (talk · contribs) 19:04, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
Nominator: Hawkeye7 (talk)
Hi! My review for this article will be here shortly.  --Seabuckthorn ♥ 19:04, 17 February 2014 (UTC)

1: Well-written

a. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors: 
b. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:  

2: Verifiable with no original research

a. Has an appropriate reference section:  Yes
b. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:  excellent (Thorough check on Google.)

c. No original research:   Done

3: Broad in its coverage

4: Neutral

5: Stable: No edit wars, etc:  Yes
6: Images  Done (PD)

I'm glad to see your work here. I do have some insights based on the above checklist that I think will improve the article: 

I think the lead can be improved in order to provide an accessible overview and to give relative emphasis.
I think the first three paragraphs of Later life can be merged as they are too short and develop the same idea.
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"He attended New York University, which awarded him his Bachelor of Science and Doctor of Philosophy degrees." (Can you rephrase it in a way different from "him his … degrees"?)
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"His thesis, on "The Resonance Processes in the Disintegration of Boron by Protons",[2] formed the basis of a paper on the subject published in the Physical Review." (I think "on the subject" is redundant here.)
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"His research confirmed the estimates of Robert Oppenheimer and Robert Serber.[3]" (I think "supported" would be better here.)
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"During World War II, Waldman served in the United States Navy as an engineering officer, and was involved in base development in the United States.[4]" (I think meaning of the term "base development" is a bit unclear here.)
Done. But I have many articles in which I've written a section entitled "base development". Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"He took a leave of absence from Notre Dame University and joined Oppenheimer and Serber at the Manhattan Project's Los Alamos Laboratory in 1943,[1] where he was assigned to Norman F. Ramsey's E-7 Group, which was part of the Ordnance (O) Division responsible for "integration of design and delivery"." (Can you break this sentence at "where" into simpler sentences?)
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
"He was then assigned to Project Alberta.[5][6] As such, he participated in the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, as a camera operator on the observation aircraft." (Do you think "Project Alberta" needs to be explained by adding "which was …" because "As such …" in the next sentence is a bit unclear?)
Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
Besides that, I think the article looks excellent. Hawkeye7, please feel free to strike out any recommendation you think will not help in improving the article. All the best,  --Seabuckthorn ♥ 23:10, 20 February 2014 (UTC)

All points addressed. Thanks for your review. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
Thanks, Hawkeye7, very much for your diligence and dedication.  --Seabuckthorn ♥ 22:52, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
Promoting the article to GA status.  --Seabuckthorn ♥ 22:52, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

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