# Talk:Abu Sa'id al-Jannabi

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Abu Sa'id al-Jannabi/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: HaEr48 (talk · contribs) 00:36, 21 January 2019 (UTC)
Will look at this. HaEr48 (talk) 00:36, 21 January 2019 (UTC)
Well written article, based on academic sources. It is well-cited, and when I spot checked a few facts, it seems to check out. Its coverage is appropriate, written in a neutral manner, stable and has an appropriate image (a map). No copyvio issue found.  I have some suggestions below:

Suggestion for the lead section, please include:
a brief description of his state's governance
Done.
the fact that the state he founded (probably his most important legacy) lasted for almost two centuries
Good point, done
He was himself proselytized and taught by the missionary (dā'ī) Abu Muhammad Abdan: Do we know what faith he had before being proselytized to Ismailism? Or how old he was when he married or when he converted?
Unknown; he likely was a Shi'a of some sort, as Kufa was a hotbed of sectarianism. However nothing specific is known, esp. given the fact that specific sectarian labels or doctrines were very fluid at the time.
Also, same sentence: not sure what "himself" is opposed to here.
Leftover from an early draft. Removed.
Is it possible to briefly describe the background (e.g. the political situation) of the era? It's kind of implied that the region was mostly loyal to the Abbasids before Abu Sa'id's rise, it would be better if this is explained, in my opinion. Just a brief description, no need for a long history.
Done.
Thank you, I think this suffices for GA status, but if you have time/sources I suggest also including the position of Ismailism at the time. HaEr48 (talk) 04:34, 7 February 2019 (UTC)
Similarly for "in Basra itself". The "itself" seems redundant. There is a few other redundant "itself" throughout the article.
Fixed.
another dā'ī, Abu Zakariya al-Tamami: just to clarify, is he another Ismaili da'i? And was the Banu Kilab tribe converted to that faith? Seems a bit weird that they fight each other if they had the same mission
Da'i in this time always means an Isma'ili, but clarified to be sure. On the final comment, you probably don't have much experience with politics, then, especially of the radical/revolutionary fringe kind ;). It is also explained later that Abu Zakariya remained loyal to Abdallah, the Fatimid founder.
of the Kilab: of the Banu Kilab?
"Banu" is simply the word designating a tribe. "the Kilab/the Banu Kilab" effectively means the same.
Is it possible to describe how he gained power to imprison Abu Zakariya and raise an army to attack towns? Is it because of support from Banu Sanbar?
Added some context on the Bedouin.
except for the regional capital Hadjar: Presumably this is still controlled by the Abbasids. Please add this information for clarification
Done.
Should we use Hajar, instead of Hadjar? I feel "J" is a more common transcription for ج than "Dj" (EoI is an outlier in this regard), for example you use "Jannabi" rather than Djannabi.
Good point. I used "Hadjar" because the link already existed.
wikilink al-Ahsa when it first appears in article body? Probably we can also mention its modern day name.
Linked; usually I include the modern name if it is very different, but here I feel I shouldn't; then I'd also have to include the modern name of Hajar, and explain why they are the same, etc..
two ṣaqlabī eunuch slaves: Maybe add (Slavic) in parantheses to clarify what saqlabi means?
I am not sure whether in this case it really designates Slavs or uses saqlabi in the generic sense of "White/European slaves" as opposed to blacks.
Do we know the motivation behind his killing and those of the high ranking officers?
Added Halm's suggestion, that is the best I could find; the sources pass this in silence, and Halm's wording makes clear that no-one really knows why they were killed.
Is it possible to scale up the names (texts) in the map? Right now they are very small and not easy to read unless you zoom or squint. But of course, only if you could do this easily. Otherwise the map is quite useful.
Even if we scaled it up it would not suffice to read it in a thumbnail; unfortunately you have to open the map at full resolution to use it.
Hamddan ibn Sanbar: Is the double 'd' a typo? Seems like an unusual name
a typo indeed. Fixed.
The name 'Abdallah' is mostly written as "Abdallah", so how about make it consistent in " Abu Abd Allah Muhammad ibn Ali ibn Rizam al-Ta'i" ?

Good point. Fixed.
--HaEr48 (talk) 06:44, 21 January 2019 (UTC)

Hi HaEr48, I'm done with my reworking of the article. I've tried to incorporate your suggestions as far as possible, and added a few details/insights from Halm. Please have a look. PS, thanks for your patience. Constantine   ✍  12:39, 6 February 2019 (UTC)
@Cplakidas: thanks for the update, and thank you for your work in general for this article. I'm ready to pass this as GA now. Good work! HaEr48 (talk) 04:34, 7 February 2019 (UTC)