BDSM

**BDSM** is an initialism for bondage/discipline (_BD_) and sadism/masochism (_SM_). It means some kinds of sex play. People have seen that they can get sexual stimulation by taking certain roles. Some of these roles are being dominant, and telling the other person what to do. Others are being submissive, and being told what to do.

BDSM is about getting sexual pleasure out of things that are often painful or upsetting. Other than this, ways of doing BDSM activities can be very different from one another. Some kinds of it can involve tying or restraining one person, animal roleplay, or using tools to get arousal (for example: a dildo), which is called fetishism. They can also use more than one of these aspects.

People try to make sure they do these activities in a safe way. Before they start, people agree that is what they want to do, so the activity is called consensual. Usually, they also agree on a "safe word", or some behavior: If someone says this word, the other person is meant to stop. This is to stop the play from going too far and causing real harm.

This is completely different from a sadist, who only gets pleasure from being cruel to others, or from people only getting sexually aroused if they are hurt or humiliated. People involved in BDSM agree that they want to do it.

## History

The term _BDSM_ is first recorded in a Usenet post from 1991. The terms themselves are older, though. Heinrich Kaan (1816-1893) published a book called **Psychopathia sexualis** in 1843. Kaan was a medical doctor, and in his work, he looks at the sins listed in the Bible. He was the first to use the terms perversion, aberration and deviation in a medical context. In 1890, Richard von Krafft-Ebing (1840-1902) introduced the terms sadism and masochism. In 1905, Sigmund Freud wrote that sadism and masochism were due to errors in development of children. In 1913, Isidor Sadger first used the term "sado-masochism".

## BDSM and safety

People engaging in BDSM derive pleasure from either inflicting or receiving pain. Engaging in BDSM is riskier than practicing sex without the BDSM elements (often called "vanilla sex"). Because of this, people doing BDSM follow a number of rules. They also do not want to give the impression that sex and violence are linked.

Before people engage in BDSM, they usually talk to each other about their wishes and fears. They also talk about the things that they are going to do, and the order in which they are done. Such detailed conversations are common. As people get to know each other better, these conversations become more informal. In addition, participants usually agree on a _safe word_; when this safe word or gesture is used by a person, the action has to stop so nobody gets hurt or injured. Safe words are used to make sure BDSM is safe. Sometimes one person thinks the play is OK, but the other person does not. The person who does not think the play is OK will use the safe word.

Another way people ensure their safety is that after the session, the "top" is caring for the "bottom". The actions may have released hormones, and it may take minutes or hours for the bottom to return to a normal state. It is seen as a duty of the top to care for the bottom in this phase. This also applies when sessions are interrupted.

## Bondage and discipline

Bondage is the use of items like handcuffs, ropes or chains to keep a willing person from moving. Bondage often has to do with sex, but it may also be done just because people may like the feelings it creates. Some people like the feeling of not being able to move. In this case, bondage sometimes has to do with BDSM, as often in the case of rope bondage and bondage of the female breasts.

Some couples include bondage as foreplay in their otherwise traditional sex lives at some time during their relationship. These bedroom bondage games are often with one partner willingly being restrained with rope or cuffs. Sometimes they can also be blindfolded or gagged.

### Hogtie bondage

Hogtie bondage is a form of bondage in which the limbs of a person are tied together. This make the person unable to move and helpless.

## Dominance and submission

Domination and submission is a lifestyle. Often it is seen as a form of erotic play. Usually two people do this. With this lifestyle or context, one of the two people has the dominant role. That person can tell the other (called submissive) to do things. The submissive has to obey. The roles are usually agreed on beforehand. As with all such activities, the submission is voluntary. Sadomasochism may be seen as a variation of domination and submission. A person who might play either role is called a switch.

## Related pages

- Sadism
- Masochism