Mom. I know I let you down. And though you say the days are happy. Why is the power off and I'm fucked up?. Mom. I know he's not around. But don't you place the blame on me. As you pour yourself another drink. I guess we are who we are. Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on. Maybe we took this too far. I went in headfirst. Never thinking about who what I said hurt. In what verse. My mom probably got it the worst. The brunt of it but as stubborn as we are. Did I take it too far?. "Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs. But regardless I don't hate you cause ma!. You're still beautiful to me cause you're my mom. Though far be it for you to be calling. My house was Vietnam. Desert storm and both of us put together. Can form an atomic bomb equivalent. To chemical warfare. And forever we can drag this on and on. But agree to disagree. That gift from me up under the Christmas tree. Don't mean shit to me. You're kicking me out?. It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve. (little prick just leave). Ma let me grab my fucking coat. Anything to have each other's goats. Why we always at each others throats?. Especially when dad he fucked us both. We're in the same fucking boat. You'd think that it'd make us close (nope). Further away it drove us. But together headlights shine a car full of belongings. Still got a ways to go back to grandma's house. It's straight up the road. And I was the man of the house the oldest. So my shoulders carried the weight of the load. Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old and. That's when I realized you were sick. And it wasn't fixable or changable. And to this day we remained estranged. And I hate it though but. I guess we are who we are. Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on. Maybe we took this too far. Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though. Cause you ain't even get to witness. Your grand baby's growth. But I'm sorry mama for "Cleaning Out My Closet". At the time I was angry. Rightfully maybe so. Never meant that far to take it though cause. Now I know it's not your fault. And I'm not making jokes. That song I no longer play at shows. And I cringe every time it's on the radio. And I think of Nathan being placed in a home. And all the medicine you fed us. And how I just wanted you to taste your own but. Now the medications taken over. And your mental states deteriorating slow. And I'm way too old to cry that shit's painful though. But ma I forgive you so does Nathan yo. All you did all you said. You did your best to raise us both. Foster care that cross you bare. Few may be as heavy as yours. But I love you Debbie Mathers. Oh what a tangled web we have cause. One thing I never asked was. Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was. Fuck it I guess he had trouble. Keeping up with every address. But I'd rather of flipped every mattress. Every rock and desert cactus. Own a collection of maps and followed my kids. To the edge of the atlas. Someone ever moved them from me?. That you could bet your ass's. If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa. Kidnap them. And although one has met their grandma. Once you pulled up in our drive one night. As we were leaving to get some hamburgers. Me her and Nate we introduced you hugged you. And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness. Come over me. As we pulled off to go our separate paths and. I saw your headlights as I looked back. And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to. Thank you for being my mom and my dad. So Mom please accept this as a tribute. I wrote this on the jet. I guess I had to get this off my chest. I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead. The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt. I guess we're crashing. So if I'm not dreaming. I hope you get this message. That I'll always love you from afar. Cause you're my mama. I guess we are who we are. Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on. Maybe we took this too far. I want a new life. One without a cause. So I'm coming home tonight. Well no matter what the cost. And if the plane goes down. And if the crew can't wake me up. Well just know that I'm alright. And I was not afraid to die. Even if there's songs to sing. My children will carry me. Just know that I'm alright. I was not afraid to die. Because I put my faith in my new girl. So I never say goodbye cruel world. Just know that I'm alright. I am not afraid to die. I guess we are who we are. Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on. Maybe we took this too far. I want a new life