dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic. saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself. I guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth and. yes they're in shock they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama. you this embarrassment us in the middle of this delusion. if we were our bodies. if we were our futures. if we were our defenses i'd be joining you. if we were our culture. if we were our leaders. if we were our denials i'd be joining you. I remember vividly a day years ago we were camping you knew more than you thought you should know. you said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed" and you were mindboggling you were intense. you were uncomfortable in your own skin you were thirsty but mostly you were beautiful. if we were our nametags. if we were our rejections. if we were our outcomes i'd be joining you. if we were our indignities. if we were our successes. if we were our emotions i'd be joining you. you and i we're like four year olds we want to know why and how come about everything. we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak out minds and never talk small and be intuitive. and question mightily and find god my tortured beacon. we need to find like-minded companions. if we were their condemnations. if we were their projections. if we were our paranoias i'd be joining you. if we were our incomes. if we were our obsessions. if we were our afflictions i'd be joining you. we need reflection we need a really good memory feel free to call me a little more often