Chris Parnell: we're sitting here today with film star natalie portman.. Natalie Portman: hello.. Parnell: so Natalie what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?. Portman: do you really want to know?. Parnell: please tell us.... Portman: I don't sleep motherfucker. Off that yak and durban. Doin' 120 gettin' head while I'm swervin'. Seth meyers: damn natalie you a crazy chick. Portman: yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick. I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker. Roll up on nbc and smack the shit outta jeff zucker. Guys: what you want natalie. Portman: to drink and fight. Guys: what you need natalie. Portman: to fuck all night. Don't test when I'm crazy on that airplane glue. Put my foot down your throat. Till you shit in my shoe. Leave you screaming. Pay for my dry cleaning. Fuck your man. It's my name that he's screamin'. Parnell: I'm sorry natalie but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?. Portman: I never said I was a role model.. Parnell: what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?. Portman: all the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick. It's portman mother fucker. Drink till I'm sick. Slit your throat. And poor nitrous down the hole. Watch you laugh and cry. While I laugh you die. And all the dudes. You know I'm talkin to you. Guys: we love you natalie. Portman: I wanna fuck you too. P is for portman. P is for pussy!. I'll kill your fuckin dog for fun so don't push me. Parnell: well natalie I'm surprised. All this from a harvard graduate.. Portman: well there's a lot you may not know about me.. Parnell: really? Such as?. When I was in harvard. I smoked weed every day. I cheated every test. And snorted all the yay. I gotta a def posse. And you gotta buncha dudes. I sit right down on your face and take a shit. Andy samberg: natalie you are a bad ass biiiiiiiitch (hell yeah!). And I always pay for your dry cleanin. When my shit gets in your shoe (what!?). As for the drug use. Well I can vouch for that. My dick is scared of you. Girl. Parnell: okie-doke. One final question if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it–. (Portman throws chair at parnell). Portman: no more questions