7am and the kitten jumps on top of the TV so innocently. And knocks the antenna off onto the bed. And it lands on the chest of this still ball of stress. 7am and the pendulum swayed. I hear myself cry out in peace and in pain. The timebomb explodes and my heart ignites. With a burst of white light pure as the first taste of life. It paralyzed and freed me it stunned and released me. It summarized me in a word I can’t say. And all of my life was shown to me at once. And I saw the total of who I’d become. As if in the end we add up to a number. Like finding the answer to all that you are. Afraid if I move I might trigger my own death. So gently I cling to control over my breath. My left shoulder burning from all I’ve been carrying. Buried alive under my collapsed chest. I lift as my sense of what maters has changed. For I saw the eyes of a Heavenly face. That waits in a place that I no longer fear. As I cherish my every last day I’m still here…. What probably will get me is a car crash in Jersey. And I just can’t wait anymore