"Can-i-bitch". Eminem. "Straight From The Lab" EP. (2003). [Intro]. {in a high falsetto voice}. Uncle Marshall!. Will you tell us a bedtime story?. {regular voice}. Here we go.... [Verse One]. Now once upon a time not long ago. There was a little rapper about to blow. But his album came and it was not good. I think it went lead or double copper wood. So the silly little fans they were mislead. By a nerdy Internet computer hip-hop head. "Me and you 'Clef we're gonna make some cash. Grab the silver paint and let's paint my ass". Hey mister would ya care to bare witness to. The ass-whippin' I'm about to administer. To this little ass-kissin' vaginal blister. 'Stanabis' little Marshall Mathers' sister. And in this corner we have the mister. Not havin' it it's the mad sinister. Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for. This little antagonist faggot dick-suckin'. Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor. I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny fag Kennif-sta. You bastard I ain't wanna have to diss ya. Cannabis where the fuck you at? I miss ya!. [Chorus]. Can-i-bitch oh Can-i-bitch. Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?. Please tell me what happened with. That style that you were rappin' with. Can-i-bitch oh Can-i-bitch. Are you from Los Angeles. New York or just a janitor. From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch.. . Now at first I ain't really understand the shit. Picture me for a second and imagine it. Chillin' in a Bat-Mansion and relaxin'. When all a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanner. It's Can-i-bitch with some Stan Lives shit. They greet me out at first man this is sick. For me being just a sick disconflict. Gets my dick harder than arithmetic. And I know how you jealous ones envy. I should'a knew better from the first few letters you sent me. The first two letters you were tellin' me shit. Like you respect me like any other regular MC. The third letter you ask how come I ain't return. None of the messages at Shady Records You Left Me. The fourth Letter: "Slim you really startin' to upset me!". The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me. The sixth threat there's a bomb threat in our building. This crazy mother-fucker's really tryin' to kill me!. So I went back and read the first few letters that said. Some shit about a message you left. Oh shit that's not an "E" that's an "A". This dude wants to leave me a "massage" he's gay!!. Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre. We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way). [Chorus]. . So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib. The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives. And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship. Shit oh Dre wait a minute that's it. All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost. We can fly over the border "Let's go" *WOOSH!*. So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed. *BOOSH!* (What was that?) oh Jermaine Dupre. Fuck it keep goin' no time to waste. Wait backup hit him one more time in case. Okay .. fuck now he's draggin' under the car. Oh well only 30 more thousand miles. Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate. Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate. And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'. "He couldn't have fell off that hard!" ain't no way. "What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous. The Canibus turned into a television evangelist". Plus he raps with his regular voice {*BOOSH!*} {*BOOSH!*}. {*BOOSH!*} {*BOOSH!*} (what was that?) Pet Shop Boys. So we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted. His corpse was still movin' but his ass was rotted. He kind of smelled a little like Courtney Love. I figure if I stick him with a fork he's done. So I stapped him twice kept jabbin' Christ. He won't die this guy's like a battered wife. He's like Kim he keeps comin' back for more. But he won't fight back I cracked his jaw. Hold up 'bis quit foldin' up!. Punch me in the chest make my shoulders touch!. DO SOMETHIN'! At least one punch line. C'mon till the meter reads 9-9-9-9!. Say 90 percent of my fans are blonde. 'bis c'mon answer me man respond!!!. Tell me 'bout the sun rain moon and stars. Intergalactical metaphors from Mars!. Raw to the floor raw like Reservoirs Dogs. Bite ANOTHER line from Redman's song!. Suddenly the stub from a dead man's arm. from a midget reaches out from under the car.. It's JD this motherfucker won't die neither. Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of Ether. We stomped the bitch and then stopmed the bitch again. (Compton!) Detroit bitch talk some shit again!!. STOMP HIM! (switch feet) STOMP HIM! (switch again!). Dre alright he's dead dog quit kickin' him!. I think Stanabis jumped off the bridge again. (Damn...) he disappeared yo he's gone he did it again!. [Chorus]