written by Warren Zevon and Carl Hiaasen. 1995 Zevon Music BMI. Got a Glock in the bedside table. Machine gun leaning by the bedroom door. Kevlar vest in the closet. Well I wear it when I go to the store. Shadows on the window. Rustling in the hedge. Faces at the peephole. Footsteps on the ledge. If you come calling. He'll be mauling with intent to maim. Don't knock on my door. If you don't know my Rottweiler's name. Halogen lights in the driveway. Guardian Angels living next door. One hundred pounds of unfriendly persuasion. Sleeping on the Florida porch. Slackers in the market. Bangers in the mall. Skinheads on the golf course. Hunting for their balls. If you come calling. He'll be mauling with intent to maim. Don't knock on my door. If you don't know my Rottweiler's name. Well he's dreaming about an intruder or two. And the promise of burglar blood. He's yearning to chew on a gangster tattoo. And to hear the proverbial sickening thud. Shadows on the window. Rustling in the hedge. Faces at the peephole. Footsteps on the ledge. If you come calling. He'll be mauling with intent to maim. Don't knock on my door. If you don't know my Rottweiler's name.