If I hadn’t been a quiet introspective kid. If I hadn’t been a nerd wouldn’t have met with him. If we hadn’t observed we be the best of friends. That preferred the spoken word to the toke and binge. If momma hadn’t died when I was young. Would me and sis have been so tight from jump. If dad had not lost his mind to a disease. Would I be up here askin ya’ll to notice me. In the dark times didn’t know where the path went. I was close to the edge like Grand Master Flash said. It was the hands of my friends who held me back. Yes. Without them I’d MJ keep slide’n backwards. Or be a hypocrite like some others have been. If that and the other hadn’t happened. I don’t know that I’d be Brer Rabbit. Askin how many ifs between hero and has-been?. If I had only known that I would be a lamb to the slaughter. now I know. If I hadn’t grown up in the 80’s. Experiencing the various things that made me. Would I still be standing center stage. Trying to innovate new ways to demonstrate. If mommy daddy hadn’t turned off Mork and Mindy. To inform us divorce was pending. Would him and me have spent these 23 years in a frenzy. Moving back and forth with such forceful energy. I remember when I was a little baby. Lying there alone on my pillow casing. Upset already I could feel the aging. The urge to return was debilitating. And maybe I’m still afraid and need to. Cry a little harder for the world of play things. Stop looking back on these silly day dreams. Sing along with me if you feel the same way. If I had known what awaited was unplanned. If I had known the blade was in a loved one’s hand. If I had known of the possible injury. If I had known the altar was meant for me. Now I know nobody can predict events. Now I know there’s cracks in the picket fence. Now I know that something else can exist. Now I know a life can be built from this. If I had known emotions would still remain. If I had known that time wouldn’t heal the pain. If I had known the intent of the injury. If I had known the altar wasn’t meant for me. Now I know there’s treasure hidden in these scars. Now I know there’s presence in an empty yard. Now I know what it took for me to survive. Now I know where to go to become alive