My misery has enjoyed company. and although I have ached. I don't threaten anybody. sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you. sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to. I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted. I've tried roadblocks and all. my happy endings prevented. sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true. I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do. fear of bliss and fear of joyitude. fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?). I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom. but that could be boring. sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true. I sabotage myself for fear of losing you. this talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down. under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone. I could be full I could be thriving I could be shining. sounds isolating. sometimes I feel this is too good to be true. I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do.