If I could rewind time like a tape. inside a boombox. One day for every pill or percocet that I ate. Cut down on the valium that'll hurt everything. But death is turning so definite wait. They got me all hooked up to some machine. I love you being didn't want you to. know I was struggling. Feels like I'm underwater submerged. like a submarine. Just heard that nurse say my liver. and kidneys aren't functioning. Been flirtatious with death skirt-chasing. I guess. It's arrivederci same nurse. just heard say they're unplugging me. And it's your birthday Jade. I'm missing your birthday. Baby girl I'm sorry I fucking hate. when you hurt Hai. And sweeties thank you for waiting to. open gifts. But girls you can just open 'em dad. ain't making it home for Christmas. Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss. I go to make a fist but I can't make one. I'm frozen stiff. I yell but nothing comes out. I'm crying inside I shout. My vocal cords won't permit me. I scream but it's not allowed. You put your arm around mama the karma wow. I just thought about the aisle. I'll never get to walk us down. Never see you graduate in your caps and gowns. It's 'bout to be 2008 how's this happening now?. I've got so much more to do and Proof I'm truly sorry. If I let you down but this tore me in two. The thought of no more me and you. You gave me shoes Nikes like. new for me for school. Doody I'm trying but you you. were the glue that binded. So many things time I'd give. anything to rewind it. I had to walk down my halls and. constantly be reminded. By pictures all on my walls and. I couldn't sleep at night 'cause. That image burned in my brain of you on the table. Me falling across your body. not able to stand to save you. God why did you take him?. I'm tryna keep his legacy alive. but I'm dying where's Nathan?. Little ladies be brave take. care of your mother. Smile pretty for pictures always. cherish each other. I'll always love ya and I'll be in the back of your memory. And I know you'll never forget me just don't get sad when remembering. And little bro keep making me proud. You better marry that girl 'cause. she's faithfully down. And when you're exchanging those. sacred vows just know that if I could be there. I would and should you ever see. parenthood I know you'll be good at it. Oh almost forgot to do something. thank my father too. I actually learnt a lot from you. you taught me what not to do. And Mom wish I'd have had the chance. To have one last heart-to-heart. honest and open talk to you. Doody I see you I go to walk to you. And I can feel my soul leave my. body and float across the room. Nurses lean over the bed pulling tubes out. Then the sheet over my head shut. the room down. Girls please don't get upset. I see them cheeks soaking and wet. As you squeeze hold of my neck. so forcibly don't wanna let. Me go pillow drenched emotional wrecks. With every second each closer to death. But suddenly I feel my heart begin to beat slow. Then a breath machines go (*beep beep beep*). Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit. I'm tryna rewind time like a tape find an escape. Make a beeline try and awake. From this dream I need to re-find. My inner strength to remind me. Even if a steep climb I must take. To rewrite a mistake I'm rewinding the tape. (I don't want it). I'll put out this last album. then I'm done with it. One hundred percent finished fed up with it. I'm hanging it up fuck it. Excuse the cursing baby. but just know. That I'm a good person though. they portray me as cold. And if things should worsen but I bet you they won't. I'm pledging to throw this. methadone in the toilet. Shred these old letters I wrote. All that old pathetic loathing. closing credits can roll. I'm proud to be back I'm 'bout to. like a rematch. Outdo Relapse. With Recovery Mathers Lp2. Help propel me to victory laps. Gas toward them and fast forward the past. Consider the last four minutes as. The song I'd have sang to my daughters. If I'd have made it to the hospital. Less than two hours later but I fought it. Came back like a boomerang on 'em. Now a new day is dawning I'm up. Tuesday it's morning. Now I know