As we were talking outside. It was cold. We were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter.. My wife is in the next room. We've been having troubles you know. Please don't tell her or anyone. But I need to talk to somebody.. You said "Wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was. Five minutes before I died? I'd be filled with such regret. Before I took my last breath.". And I said "You're willing to tell me this now and you're not going to die. anytime soon.". And I said I haven't been eating chicken. Or meat. Or anything.. And you said yes but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said. We're at the top of the food chain.. And yes you're still a fine woman. And I cringed.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could heal each other.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could be raw together.. We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said. "Good bye sir. Thank you for your business sir. You're successful and. established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir. And. your money.". And when I walked by they said "Thank you too dear.". I was all pigtails and cords.. And there was a day when I would've said something like. "Hey dude I could buy and sell this place so kiss it.". I too once thought I was owed something.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could challenge each other.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could crack each other up.. I too thought that when proved wrong I lost somehow.. I too thought life was cruel.. It's a cycle really.. You think I'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you.. I think you're insensitive and I don't feel heard.. And I said "Do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?. Fundamentally evil?". And you said Yes.. And I said I don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad?. And you said "Well what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency. room. Bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head.. I think what he did was wrong and I wouldn't have had a hard time feeling. compassion for him.". I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could dance together.. I was hoping. I was hoping we could be creamy together..