Do you go to the dungeon.. To find out how to make peace. With your days in the dungeon?. Writing a letter to you didn't make me any more peaceful. Than how I felt when we weren't speaking.. Because I didn't cop to what I did.. I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries.. I'd like you to be schooled and in awe. As though you were kissed by God full on the lips.. I'm in the front row. The front row with popcorn.. I get to see you close up.. I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one. one minutes I want to. banish you the next I want to be on a deserted island. With you along with my three favorite CD's. Ambivalent yet in your bed. We've yet to acknowledge what really happened.. Slid into the ditch.. I have this overwhelming loss of ambition. We said let's name thirty good reasons. why we shouldn't be together.. I started by saying things like "you smoke" "you live in New Jersey". You started saying things like "you belong to the world". All of which could have been easily refuted. But the conversation was hypothetical. I am totally short of breath for you. Why can't you shut your stuff off.. I'm in the front row. The front row with popcorn. I get to see you see you close up.. And I laughed until my lungs hurt. I love how you bust my chops. You don't always feel seen. Sometimes you feel erasable. Unfortunately I cannot reciprocate in my current state. I think we should be careful of how much time. we spend together.. For a while I'm speaking. You know how much you hate to be interrupted. Maybe spend some time alone fill up your proverbial cup. So that it doesn't always have to be about you. I've been wanting your undivided attention. I like the fact that you're nothing like me. Are you not burdoned by the lack of perspective people. Have of your charmed life (seemingly)?. I'm in the front row. The front row with popcorn. I get to see you see you close up.. You never meant to be ungrateful nor held up. To be whipped or wept for certainly not analyzed. Prodded at more ways than one apparently you've been. Misrepresented dealing with the concept of arrows. Being slung towards your outrageous fortune.. Hey I'm not mad at you guardian. I'm mad at myself for spending so much time. With you and your jeckyl and hydeness. I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist. You laughed a wicked laugh and said 'come here let me clip. your wings'. (I know he's blood but you can still turn him away. you don't owe him anything). "Raise the roof" he yelled "yeah raise the roof" I yelled back.. (unfortunately you need a health scare to. reprioritize). No thanks to the soap box.. Having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference.. I'm in the front row. The front row with popcorn.. I get to see you see you close up.. Oh the things I've done for you many a sitch. A friend a man's been left for you oh the books. I've read for you the tongues I've bitten for you many a new. City for you many. A risk taken for you (not a single regret).