Poorly written Native American sectionI want to lay out the major problemsin terms of structure and clarityafflicting the Native American controversy paragraph As I show below this inept writing serves to obscure the controversy surrounding her claim to Native American ancestry which was the mostcovered issue in her 2012 Senate Campaign  Topic sentenceCompetentlywritten paragraphs have clear topic sentences that state the main point of the paragraph The topic sentence of the current incompetently written paragraph on the Native American controversy is as follows In April 2012 the Boston Herald sparked a campaign controversy when it reported that Association of American Law Schools AALS directories from 1986 to 1995 listed Warren as a minority professor This topic sentence is unclear a reader who reads it would not see what the controversy was about Being listed as a minority is not controversial The issue is that Warren 1 listed herself in a 2 minorityrecruitment directory for law schools on the basis of 3 undocumented claims to Native American ancestry A competently written topic sentence would convey those three main points Here is an example of such a topic sentence In April 2012 the Boston Herald sparked a campaign controversy when it noted that Warren had listed herself in a directory of minority law professors used by law schools for recruitment purposes despite the fact that she lacked any documented minority ancestry That competentlywritten topic sentence states the controversy in a nutshell I am willing to entertain any number of alternative topic sentences including those that are unduly favorable to Warren Ive given up on truly achieving NPOV for this article But I am not willing to abide unclear writing   native ancestryThe current paragraph states that Warrens opponent Scott Brown speculated that she had fabricated a native ancestry to gain advantage in employment At this point the paragraph has not stated that she claimed to be Native American so it is not clear what type of ancestry the term native ancestry refers to I have tried to replace native ancestry with Native American ancestry but have been repeatedly reverted   Brown attacked Warrens ancestryThe current paragraph states that Scott Brown issued attack ads that referred to Warrens ancestry Whether made out of incompetence or malice this statement constitutes a BLP violation The statement indicates that Brown attacked Warren because of her ancestry or race In reality he attacked her for allegedly lying about her race to get ahead in the employment market   

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Poorly written Native American sectionI want to lay out the major problemsin terms of structure and clarityafflicting the Native American controversy paragraph As I show below this inept writing serves to obscure the controversy surrounding her claim to Native American ancestry which was the mostcovered issue in her 2012 Senate Campaign  Topic sentenceCompetentlywritten paragraphs have clear topic sentences that state the main point of the paragraph The topic sentence of the current incompetently written paragraph on the Native American controversy is as follows In April 2012 the Boston Herald sparked a campaign controversy when it reported that Association of American Law Schools AALS directories from 1986 to 1995 listed Warren as a minority professor This topic sentence is unclear a reader who reads it would not see what the controversy was about Being listed as a minority is not controversial The issue is that Warren 1 listed herself in a 2 minorityrecruitment directory for law schools on the basis of 3 undocumented claims to Native American ancestry A competently written topic sentence would convey those three main points Here is an example of such a topic sentence In April 2012 the Boston Herald sparked a campaign controversy when it noted that Warren had listed herself in a directory of minority law professors used by law schools for recruitment purposes despite the fact that she lacked any documented minority ancestry That competentlywritten topic sentence states the controversy in a nutshell I am willing to entertain any number of alternative topic sentences including those that are unduly favorable to Warren Ive given up on truly achieving NPOV for this article But I am not willing to abide unclear writing   native ancestryThe current paragraph states that Warrens opponent Scott Brown speculated that she had fabricated a native ancestry to gain advantage in employment At this point the paragraph has not stated that she claimed to be Native American so it is not clear what type of ancestry the term native ancestry refers to I have tried to replace native ancestry with Native American ancestry but have been repeatedly reverted   Brown attacked Warrens ancestryThe current paragraph states that Scott Brown issued attack ads that referred to Warrens ancestry Whether made out of incompetence or malice this statement constitutes a BLP violation The statement indicates that Brown attacked Warren because of her ancestry or race In reality he attacked her for allegedly lying about her race to get ahead in the employment market   

