The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God and Restoring Wholeness
Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar believes that in order to find emotional fulfillment and inner peace, one must accept, learn and grow using past experiences. Her new book, "The Bridge to Forgiveness," was written to help spiritual communities remember and forgive enormous past pain."Forgiveness is often understood as an act of unselfish, unconditional love," says Rabbi Kedar, spiritual leader of B'nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in Glenview, "an act in which we learn to forgive and forget or maybe even turn the other cheek. That is not what is described in this book. There should be no forgetting evil acts, no condoning offense, sin or hatred. To forget is to run the risk of allowing these evils to happen again. Resentment, anger and fear must be released from within us so that we may restore our inner light, regain a sense of life's purpose and reinvigorate our energy and optimism, so we can live with goodness and love.""The Bridge to Forgiveness" is a compilation of stories, poems and prayers aimed at soothing anyone from any spiritual or religious background who is faced with emotional turmoil, especially during times of loss and grieving.David Gottlieb, co-author of "Letters to a Buddhist Jew," calls Rabbi Kedar's book "a profound understanding of the practice of forgiveness ... . If you carry anger in your heart, you must read this book.""The Bridge to Forgiveness" is available at local and online bookstores.(CJN staffThe Chicago Jewish News2007-06-08)Every Passover, Shiela Steinman Wallace instructs her Seder guests to bring a non-food item that they can share with others. One year, her father brought the shirt her grandfather wore on his 1912 voyage from Ukraine to the United States. Another year, her son brought the rod used to fix his broken leg, while another guest brought the book that inspired him to become a photographer."Not only does this make for a more haimish Seder, but you discover that most of the time there's a story behind everything that people bring," says Wallace, the editor of the Jewish newspaper Community in Louisville, Ky.As she searched for ways to make her Passover Seder both livelier and more meaningful, Wallace discovered a powerful tool: storytelling. Arguably the oldest art form in the world, storytelling has always played an integral role in Jewish life.“We are passionate about stories,” writes University of Judaism literature professor Miriyam Glazer in her book Dancing On The Edge Of The World: Jewish Stories Of Faith, Inspiration And Love (Lowell House). “Through the ages, we have told stories to fathom the intensities of our own collective history, to express our faith and our fears, to grasp the complexities of our religious tradition, to cast light on the mysteries of life.”“The Torah doesn’t begin with Leviticus and the laws, it begins with stories,” says Cherie Karo Schwartz, a prominent Jewish storyteller based in Denver, Colo. “And why stories? Because stories are the mirror and memory of who and what we are. Stories are what make us human.”And out of all the holidays on the Jewish calendar, Passover just might be the most storytelling-friendly occasion of them all and not just because of the mitzvah to tell your children the story of Exodus. “When you think about it, Passover is historical and religious but it’s also a holiday of the home and for the family to come together,” says Peninnah Schram, a seminal figure in the field of Jewish storytelling. “It’s an incredible opportunity to not only ask questions about the Haggadah, but to tell family stories and folk tales.”The quest to enliven and imbue the Passover Seder with additional commentary and contemporary meaning has ample precedent. In 1975, for example, a group of women in Israel held the first feminist Seder, a watershed event that inspired thousands of other such Seders, as well as people incorporating new rituals at family Seders. Today, hundreds of different Haggadahs can be found in the marketplace, along with a slew of how-to books like David Arnow’s Creating Lively Passover Seders (Jewish Lights) or Ron Wolfson’s Passover: The Family Guide to Spiritual Celebration (Jewish Lights).But out of all the innovative suggestions for enhancing the holiday, telling stories perhaps remains one of the simplest and most effective antidotes to the didactic and boring Seder, where the Haggadah is read by rote and everyone’s looking at their watches, impatient for the food to be served.For Schram, who’s also a speech and drama professor at Stern College in New York, Passover is the time to recite from “I Never Saw Another Butterfly,” the famous book of poems and drawings by children who passed through the Terezin concentration camp. It’s also the time to remember her father, a cantor who always led her family’s Seder, to reminisce about the way her mother used to chop apples for the charoset and to tell stories about Elijah the Prophet.“Elijah is the master of miracle and the bringer of hope and there are such wonderful Elijah stories,” says Schram, author of Tales of Elijah the Prophet (Jason Aronson). She suggests that the Seder table is a great place to discuss “the times when you met an Elijah in your life or when you were an Elijah for someone else, or why Elijah has remained such an important figure for thousands of years.”Amichai Lau-Lavie, an Israeli-born mythologist and storyteller, also finds inspiration in Elijah. The founder of Storahtelling, a New York City-based iconoclastic organization dedicated to Jewish teachings through a mix of storytelling, ritual theater and performance art, Lau-Lavie recently created “The Elijah Brigade.” Upon request, two “Storahtellers” playing different aspects of the prophet show up at a family’s Seder and interact with the guests. Lau-Lavie also writes Passover plays tailored for individual families and has held an interactive Seder on the second night of Passover for the past three years.The Haggadah “was never meant to just be read from cover to cover,” says Lau-Lavie. “The rabbis of long ago had envisioned interactive opportunities and there are so many ways to make the story come alive for families.”When it comes to the Passover Seder, “you have to know your audience,” says Bonnie Greenberg, a Boston-based storyteller and speech pathologist. “If you’re going to have a mix of ages, it’s great to tell stories that can be enjoyed on a variety of different levels. And above all, you want your Seder to be fun.”At Greenberg’s family Seders, stories arise from a collective ritual of pouring increments of wine into Elijah’s cup until it’s full. “People will pour wine from their cup into Elijah’s, then talk about what they wish for the coming year,” she says. “One year, we talked about who are the women that we honor.”Schwartz recommends that people view the stains in their Haggadahs as primary source storytelling material. “Let’s say there’s a stain on page 37 because that’s where your bubbe spilled wine and it’s that wine stain that holds the story of your bubbe,” she says. “Then, questions like, who in the family made the best kneidlach crop up and boom, you’re suddenly telling stories about your Aunt Rose.”At her Seders, Schwartz, who co-authored The Kids’ Catalog of Passover (Jewish Publication Society) with Barbara Rush, also loves to tell stories about how Jews from different parts of the world celebrate Passover, and each year prepares food from different traditions such as a Sephardic dish of artichokes with lemon and honey. Passover is also a time to talk about the women given short shrift in the Haggadah—Miriam, Yocheved, Moses’s mother, and the midwives, Shifrah and Puah, she says. “And this can lead into the family stories, into who have been the strong women in your life.”Noa Baum, a storyteller and actress from Silver Spring, Md., observes that the key to a meaningful and enjoyable Seder is “to find your own way to tell the story of leaving Egypt. There are so many versions of this story and one of the challenges for every storyteller is to find a way to be original and creative while staying connected with your ancestors,” she says. “But storytelling is something we can all do.”Storytelling as an art form began to enjoy a renaissance in the 1970s. Schram points to books like Bruno Bettelheim’s Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales and Alex Haley’s Roots, both published in 1976, that contributed to “a storytelling revival.” Annual events like the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, Tenn., began to crop up and attract thousands of people.“There was a re-awakening of interest in how stories answer the major questions of life,” says Schram. “Who are my people? How did they live? What values did they transmit? What values do I transmit to my children?”In Jewish history, Schram credits Chasidim, “the flower children” of 18th century Eastern Europe, for first “bringing back the love of story to the Jewish people.” Some two centuries later, individuals like Schram found themselves yearning to share the stories of their own tradition. In 1984, Schram created the Jewish Storytelling Center, now based at the 92nd Street Y in New York, while organizations like The Coalition for the Advancement of Jewish Education (CAJE) began playing an active role in supporting the work of Jewish storytellers at annual conferences.“We’re all products of CAJE,” says Schwartz, who also lauds Schram for “single-handedly bringing storytelling into the forefront of Jewish life. Storytelling was not something people took seriously, but Peninnah really helped people to see that storytelling should be pervasive in all aspects of Jewish education, that it’s for all ages and can be used by rabbis, teachers, and really, everyone.”Rabbi Karyn Kedar, spiritual leader of Congregation B’nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in Glenview, Ill., and author of the newly released The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God and Restoring Wholeness (Jewish Lights), takes that message seriously. “All of my teaching and sermons involve some element of storytelling,” she says.“Even my counseling involves storytelling because stories, when they’re at their best, touch a part of us that is both personal and universal. So when we hear a good story, we feel that the story is being told just to us but we also know it’s about the human condition.”In addition to performing as a storyteller, Greenberg also uses storytelling techniques as a speech pathologist helping children with language and communication skills. “The brain is hard-wired for story,” she says. “It always amazes me when I work with kids who have conditions like autism, how my telling them a story gets through to them and I know that they’re painting a picture in their heads with my words and body language.”Greenberg and others describe storytelling as a calling. “A storyteller should never hang up a shingle and think, 'I can make a few bucks from this,’ advises Schram. “The initial intention has to be ‘because I must share this story.’’’Baum agrees. “Storytelling is all about the authentic interaction with another human being. It is the act of imaginative sharing,” she says. “The best compliment I can get after telling a story is when someone says, ‘It felt like I was there.’ ’’In an age of rapidly changing technology and digital media, Baum believes that the traditional art form of storytelling “is more necessary than ever. Everyone calls everything storytelling these days but storytelling is really about the interaction between human beings and nothing can replace this interaction,” she says.Lau-Lavie, however, feels that both tradition and technology suit his definition of storytelling. Recently, he has started a Storahtelling blog and says he’s “considering” branching out to other digital mediums. “With Storahtelling, we’re trying to reclaim the primary place of story in our emotional and intellectual lives and reclaim the ways we tell those stories,” he observes. “This can take the form of a ritualized Torah ceremony or as a performance event in someone’s home or on a blog.”No one, however, disputes the notion that there should be even more awareness and recognition for storytellers in Jewish life. “I get asked all the time, ‘Excuse me, but what is a storyteller?’ I would love it if storytelling could be honored just as much as any other art form,” says Schwartz, “and if this art can be honored more in religious schools, synagogues and everywhere else.”Including the Seder table. “If only Jews could share more stories with other Jews,” says Schram. “The more stories we can share, the more we see how we all have the same dreams, hopes, fears and desires. If we tell each other more stories, we can bring more peace to the world.”(Susan JosephsJewish Women International2007-03-28)"Forgiveness is like a bridge. It carries you over an expanse to the other side of life that is softer, kinder, easier to bear. It is a shift of perspective, a new way of seeing our world, a different way of experiencing our inner life. If life is really a journey, then forgiveness is a main avenue, a path to life renewed. And along the way there are stepping-stones to carry you through."This helpful view of forgiveness comes from Karyn D. Kedar, senior rabbi at Congregation B'nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in the Chicago area and author of Dance of the Dolphin: Finding Prayer, Perspective and Meaning in the Stories of Our Lives. Through a mix of stories, prayers, and poems, she sheds light on the process of forgiveness as a path to finding God and wholeness. Chapters cover moving through loss, anger, acceptance, learning, and restoration. This journey begins with choice and ends with perpetual crossings: there is no end to new discoveries.Here are some of the ways in which Kedar describes forgiveness:• It is the choice of love over fear.• It is like the mysterious call of the night — a call to awaken that which sleeps deep in your soul.• It is light restored.• It is not to condone or forget. It is the message that goodness can triumph over evil. • It demands a shift of attention.• It says "yes" to living.• It is the intricate dance through pain and anger and loss. Let hope be your partner. Let joy take the lead.• It is learning to come to terms with the story of your life and releasing the pain of the past.• It lives in the soul that wonders.• It is to see the difference between protection and isolation.• It offers you stillness. It is the silence behind the quiet.(Frederic and Mary Ann BrussatSpirituality & Practice2007-04-01)It's been 386 years since grateful Pilgrims invited local Indians to join them for a three-day feast in theautumn of 1621, sowing the seeds for what we now know as Thanksgiving.And while giving thanks may not be as fashionable now as it was then, experts say it remains a powerful forceto heal and restore the human spirit.Three new books explore how giving thanks, counting blessings and practicing forgiveness - on ThanksgivingDay and every day - can transform individuals and personal relationships."Thanksgiving heals our injured spirits, and when we share Thanksgiving with others it also contributes to theirwell-being," said Jay Marshall, dean of Earlham School of Religion in Indiana and author of "Thanking &Blessing; - The Sacred Art: Spiritual Vitality Through Gratefulness."His book shows how a conscious orientation toward thankfulness reshapes how people interact with others, livetheir lives and influence the world around them."It requires that we give consideration to the people and events that intersect with our lives," he said. "We beginto notice those who inspire us and bless us, as well as those who leave us cold or irritated. In the process, webecome cognizant of our most cherished values, friends and practices."Once a person turns in that direction, there's usually the realization that positive relationships and momentscomprise much of life. "At the very least, this can move us to gratitude and thanksgiving. With time, I believe ittransforms our disposition," Marshall said.Marshall advocates a Thanksgiving celebration that goes beyond a "passing nod" to the holiday's originalmeaning: celebrating new life in a new world. Don't let Thanksgiving degenerate into a time devoted solely to"stuffing ourselves or watching parades and football," Marshall said.For some families, sitting around the table for Thanksgiving is filled with excitement, memories, love andabundance, notes Karyn Kedar, rabbi at Congregation B'nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in suburban Chicago andauthor of "The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God and Restoring Wholeness."But for other families, the Thanksgiving table is "difficult, isolating, and lonely. And there are others who haveno table at which to sit," Kedar said. "Taking a moment on this Thanksgiving Day to say out loud, 'Thank you,'can open our hearts in gratitude. If not for the whole day, at least for the moment."And," she added, "even a fleeting moment of gratitude can be powerful." Rituals of blessing and giving thanks,according to such experts, can become central forces in a person's outlook on life, and can even shape howsomeone approaches suffering."Every ritual is an outward expression, and a dance, of our innermost yearning. There is enormous power in therituals that we observe involving blessing and gratitude," said Kedar. In her book, she uses soulful prose to offernew approaches to embracing forgiveness - ways that emphasize peace and resolution over shame or blame.In fact, failure to feel and express gratitude is a dereliction in spirituality, said Rabbi Abraham Twerski, apsychiatrist and author of "Happiness and the Human Spirit: The Spirituality of Becoming the Best You CanBe."Because feeling thankful and expressing it are uniquely human traits, neglecting them means neglecting thespirit, and could lead to a spiritual deficiency, he said.People who are not thankful and lack happiness may resort "to various maneuvers that they think may givethem happiness," Twerski said. Some people seek power and control, others turn to destructive behavior. Somefeel threatened by being thankful since acknowledging another's kindness can make one feel obligated. The bestcourse, Twerski said, is to seek internal happiness, not happiness from external things or accomplishments.To Twerski, daily gratitude, as well as on Thanksgiving, drives this truth home. He scoffs at the slogan: "Givediamonds. Diamonds are forever.""Diamonds can be lost. Memories are forever. We can relive pleasant moments of our lives. ... 'Rememberwhen?' may be followed by laughter, and all family members may share in adding to the memories," Twerskisaid.(Cecile S. Holmes/Religion News ServiceDistrict Chronicles2007-11-25)Forgiveness is a spiritual path that you embark on with intention and vision, purposefully seeking to bridge the gap between your hurt and suffering and your sense of wholeness and resilient inner light—the light of God.This inspiring guide for healing and wholeness supplies you with a map to help you along your forgiveness journey. Deeply personal stories, comforting prayers and intimate meditations gently lead you through the steps that allow for the evolution of forgiving—loss, anger, acceptance, learning, forgiveness and restoration. Tapping both ancient and contemporary sources for the nourishment and strength needed as you seek to rekindle inner peace, this book tenderly whispers encouragement as you are brought to—and realize you are able to cross—your own bridge to forgiveness.Answering the call for new examples of how to discover forgiveness, the beautiful and soulful prose found in this book offers ways to embrace forgiveness that do not involve shame or blame but, rather, emphasize the search for peace and resolution.With beautiful, simple language––and a keen eye for discovering divinity in something as simple as a spider's web––Karyn D. Kedar offers unique and poignant approaches to thinking about forgiveness and, in so doing, invites you to explore uncharted aspects of your heart’s terrain.Rabbi Kedar is senior rabbi of Congregation B’nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in the Chicago area.(Dov Peretz ElkinsJewish Media Review2007-09-19)"Lovely ... a perfect companion on the path to forgiveness, from those very difficult first steps to the ever-lighter steps that ultimately lead to peace, joy and wholeness."—Marcia Ford, author,The Sacred Art of Forgiveness: Forgiving Ourselves and Others through God's Grace“Heartfelt, soulful ... her insights are gentle and piercing. [This] is not simply a book to read, it is a journey to take.”—Rabbi Rami Shapiro, author,The Sacred Art of Lovingkindness: Preparing to Practice“Insightful, honest, frank ... will comfort anyone, from any spiritual background, who is struggling with the issue of forgiveness and will guide them toward healing. This is a beautiful book!”—Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times coauthor,Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul“A beautiful book that will make a lasting impression on your life. Highly recommended.”—Robert L. Veninga, author,A Gift of Hope: How We Survive Our Tragedies“Rabbi Kedar is that longed-for neighbor or girlfriend or aunt who—through gentle poetry and the honesty of stories—tells us what we need to hear in a way we are able to truly listen.”—Rabbi Nina Beth Cardin, author,Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope: A Jewish Spiritual Companion for Infertility and Pregnancy Loss“A profound understanding of the practice of forgiveness as a healing discipline. If you carry anger in your heart, you must read this book. Whether you seek forgiveness, preach it, teach it or are gathering the courage to offer it, you cannot afford to be without it.”—David Gottlieb, coauthor,Letters to a Buddhist Jew