101 Classic Jewish Jokes: Jewish Humor from Groucho Marx to Jerry Seinfeld
CHAPTER 6: JOKES ABOUT FOODMillie: ÒThe food here is terrible.Ó Ruth: ÒYes, and such small portions!Ó-----A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. ÒIÕll have a pound of that salmon,Ó he said.ÒThatÕs not salmon,Ó the clerk said. ÒItÕs ham.ÓÒMister,Ó the customer snapped, Òin case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!Ó-----Goldberg was the neighborhood smart aleck. When he saw the sign in the deli that said We Serve Every Type of Sandwich, he called the waiter over.ÒIs that sign true?Ó Goldberg asked.ÒAbsolutely, positively! We serve every type of sandwich,Ó the waiter replied proudly.ÒThen bring me an elephant sandwich on toast,Ó Goldberg said.A slight pause and the waiter replied, ÒIÕm sorry, Mr. Goldberg, but for just one sandwich, we canÕt start another elephant.Ó-----A man from Mars lands on Second Avenue in the lower East Side of New York. He goes into a Jewish bakery and asks, ÒWhat are those little wheels in the window?ÓÒThose arenÕt wheels,Ó says the storekeeper. ÒTheyÕre called bagels. Here, try oneÉÓThe Martian bites into the bagel and says, ÒHey! This would go great with some lox and cream cheese!Ó-----Jack Grossman, a garment salesman on the road, stopped his car on the main street of a small town in rural Alabama. Tired and hungry and unable to find a restaurant, he walked into a general store that sold hardware and farm supplies and also served food.ÒWhat can I do for you?Ó the proprietor asked.ÒYou handle maybe fertilizer?ÓÒSure do!ÓÒGood,Ó said Grossman. ÒWash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich.Ó-----Sol and Herbie were finishing their lunch in a New York restaurant when the waiter asked, ÒTea or coffee, gentlemen?ÓÒIÕll have tea,Ó said Sol.ÒMe too,Ó said Herbie. ÒAnd make sure the glass is clean.ÓThe waiter returned in a few minutes and announced, ÒTwo teas! And which one gets the clean glass?Ó-----Benjy finally found a birthday gift for his mother: a parrot that spoke Yiddish. When he called her to find out how she liked the present, she said, ÒDelicious!ÓÒMama, you ate a parrot that speaks Yiddish?!?Ó he cried.ÒSo,Ó she said, Òif he could talk, why didnÕt he say something?Ó