Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities
This BDSM guide offers in-depth information for the curious, newbies, and the skeptical. Ortmann is a kink-friendly psychotherapist, sex therapist, and writer; Sprott a research psychologist with academic credentials. The tone is both readable and supportive in describing components of sexual behavior commonly included within BDSM: restraint, pressure, sensation, and power exchange. Throughout, elements of consent, community, mutuality, and safety are emphasized. Especially useful are case studies and sample dialogs illustrating helpful vs. toxic therapist-to-patient dialogs, as well as interpartner conversations. This is not a sex manual, however, and readers are referred to other books for how-to and how-not-to information. A full chapter addresses finding a good counselor or therapist.VERDICTKinksters, friends and families, and helping professionals are all at risk for misunderstanding BDSM owing to a lack of knowledge. Learning about consent, community, mutuality, and safety can reduce physical and psychological risk. This strongly recommended primer will go a long way toward supporting safer and more enjoyably diverse sexualities.(Library Journal)Written by a psychotherapist who specializes in kink-friendly sex therapy and a research psychologist, this book offers a nonjudgmental glimpse into the world of BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/ submission, sadism/masochism). In a supportive tone, Ortmann and Sprott discuss the way society misunderstands a potentially healthy set of sexual behaviors, employing largely Jungian analysis to explain the appeal of kinky play and including a generous selection of fascinating case studies drawn from Ortmann’s private practice. The book provides encouragement for people who feel marginalized by their sexual preferences (and includes a guide to finding a sex therapist). The authors definitively dismiss popular claims that BDSM practitioners are mentally unwell or that their behaviors result from abusive childhoods. Instead, they describe the eroticism of power, the playacting of shame, and even show how this kind of play can serve as its own form of therapy. Ortmann and Sprott highlight the difference between the appearance of a behavior and its “psychological meaning and impact.” The heart of the work is the individual stories of Ortmann’s clients, chief among them the moving stories of BDSM practitioners “coming out” as “kinky” to the people in their lives.(Publishers Weekly)As a sex therapist who specializes in sexual minority practices, I have read virtually every book written on BDSM in the past 30 years.Sexual Outsidersis truly one of a kind. The way the authors have woven in Richard Sprott's background in science with David Ortmann's clinical practice made for a very compelling read. The case studies were brilliant and kept me turning the pages in anticipation of how each story would turn out. This book is a wonderful contribution to our field.(Neil Cannon, Ph.D., LMFT, Certified Sex Therapist & Couples Counselor, Denver, Colorado)Sexual Outsidersis a significant contribution helping everyone to accept and understand their (or their loved one’s) BDSM interests.(Charles Moser Ph.D., MD, professor and chair, Department of Sexual Medicine, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, CA)This is the book I needed 15 years ago when I started stumbling my way through treating the KINK community. It's answered all my questions.It should be mandatory reading for all ethical clinicians who should know something about treating alternative sexualities by now. The clinical community needs to STOP re-traumatizing, marginalizing, pathologizing, and trying to "fix" the people who come to them for help. Either they need to learn the skills taught in this book, or refer "sexual outsiders" out to someone educated, trained and willing to give these individuals the treatment they need and deserve.This book is for anyone who practices BDSM, treats patients struggling with related issues, and for anyone interested in further understanding this lifestyle and its community.(Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, Manhattan Center for Sex Addiction Therapy, Kink-Aware psychotherapist, speaker and author)Every person who identifies as BDSM and every therapist treating them should read this book.(David J. Ley, Ph.D., author of The Myth of Sex Addiction and Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them)Sexual Outsidersis a brave and lucid exploration of ways honest, open, intimate sexuality can help to heal some emotional and psychological wounds, and of the need for self-understanding to make such intimacy possible.(William A. Henkin, Ph.D., co-author: Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely)As an out-kinky person for 40 years, and as a psychotherapist, I found Ortmann and Sprott's new bookSexual Outsidersto be a report on being kinky from a psychological point of view.Sexual Outsidersoffers the reader an invaluable amalgamation of kink identities. Whether the reader be a leather-newbie, a vanilla but kink-friendly therapist, a curious friend of a kinkster, or anyone who may be in contact with BDSM folk,Sexual Outsidersis a book you won't want to miss. As the commodification of BDSM culture proliferates, it will be books likeSexual Outsidersthat'll prove to be a positive catalyst toward ending social stigma, and to putting suffering back in the dungeon where it belongs.(Winston Wilde, DHS, LMFT, doctor of human sexuality, licensed marriage & family therapist, certified sex therapist)David Ortmann and Richard Sprott are pioneers in developing this roadmap for kink-affirmative psychotherapy. People in the BDSM community, or those practicing in secrecy, will read this book, especially the moving personal stories, and feel like they are in a support group. Professionals will have their minds - and knowledge base- opened and expanded.Sexual Outsidersbreaks new ground.(Margie Nichols, Ph.D., executive director of Institute for Personal Growth Psychotherapy for the LGBT and Alternative Sexuality Communities since 1983)InSexual Outsiders,authors David Ortmann and Richard Sprott perfectly complement each other writing about research, theory, and therapeutic practice with clients who are sexual adventurers. In an excellent and thoughtful deconstruction of the mainstream sexual culture, they explore the question of "how did we get here?" and, further, "how can we get somewhere better?" They propose the acceptance and honoring of the rich complexities of sexual diversity as a path for escaping the imposed shame that can constrict out lives, as they offer a wonderful guidebook to outsider sex and understanding power as an erotic resource. Read and learn from these warriors for sexual freedom as they show us how to explore our precious inner wilderness.(Dossie Easton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; co-author of The Ethical Slut)Sexual Outsidersserves as a gentle introduction to BDSM while exploring the psychological needs of people who decide to explore this powerful realm of sexuality. There are few books that so beautifully position themselves as BDSM primers for the curious newcomer as well as the partners, friends and family of BDSM practitioners. This book does just that brilliantly and is destined to become a classic of the genre.(Race Bannon, co-founder of Kink Aware Professionals, author of Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun BDSM Lovemaking, and blogger (bannon.com))