Cold-Blooded Kindness: Neuroquirks of a Codependent Killer, or Just Give Me a Shot at Loving You, Dear, and Other Reflections on Helping That Hurts
"Riveting and disturbing, an investigation into American-heartland pathos in which 'guilt', 'innocence', 'victim', 'perpetrator', come to seem almost hopelessly tangled. Barbara Oakley is to be commended upon looking so hard, and so closely, at the motives, in some, that underlie acts of 'kindness' and 'altruism'—suggesting that things are not always as they appear, and the phrasekilled with kindnesssprings from the absolute bedrock of folk wisdom." --Joyce Carol Oates, Professor of the Arts at Princeton University, is a recipient of the National Book Award for her novelthem, and a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters"Cold-Blooded Kindnessisa terrific book. It combines old-fashioned narrative skills with new insights from science and a tough-minded view of good and evil that is neither sentimental nor cynical." --Steven Pinker, Harvard College Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, and author ofHow the Mind WorksandThe Blank Slate."This true-crime tale is as oxymoronic as the title suggests: An animal-loving mother of four kills her husband execution-style. Oakley studs the book with input from experts on battered women, altruism, and empathy gone awry. Her approach taps another paradox: We can understand genetic influences and remain baffled by any one human's behavior. Read this if you're convinced people are never who they appear to be." --Psychology Today"I was up all night—read it in one fell swoop. Oakley's riveting narrative, lyrical prose, black humor, clarity of thought, and attention to detail putCold-Blooded Kindnessright alongside Capote'sIn Cold Bloodand Mailer'sExecutioner's Song, but the insights from neuroscience put this in a class by itself." --Robert Burton, MD, neurologist and author ofOn Being Certain"Cold-Blooded Kindnessisa masterpiece. Our culture mistakenly teaches that all acts of kindness and altruism are good, but there are many overlooked victims out there who know that kindness can also control, manipulate, and harm. This book is their salvation." --Dr. Helen Smith, forensic psychologist and author ofThe Scarred Heart: Understanding and Identifying Kids Who Kill"Truly a tour de force. Barbara Oakley couples the story-telling gifts of a born novelist with the insights of a sophisticated neuroscientist. Beginning with a sensational crime,Cold-Blooded Kindnessgradually pulls back to reveal labyrinthine depths of duplicity conducted on a grand public scale.I alternated between shivering in horror and laughing out loud. This book is a murder mystery, a case study in social pathology, an artist's biography, a courtroom drama, and a scientific detective story all at once. A lot is at stake: human decency; the integrity of the legal system; and the powers of science to illuminate human behavior in its strangest and darkest forms.Cold-Blooded Kindnessis a triumphant achievement. --Joseph Carroll, Curators' professor of English, University of Missouri, St. Louis; author ofEvolution and Literary TheoryandLiterary Darwinism: Evolution, Human Nature, and Literature"Barbara Oakley has written the most ambitious kind of true crime book, one that goes beyond a story well told and takes the lid off the simmering conditions and psychopathology that cook up into a tragic killing. There are haunting warnings for all of us inCold-Blooded Kindness, as well as a fundamental truth:Homicide is self-will run riot—even if it wears a smiley face." --Lowell Cauffiel,New York Timesbestselling author ofHouse of Secrets"This brave and important book reminds us that even our best intentioned assumptions become prejudices if they go too long unexamined. Truth and justice deserve our rigorously honest attention and we must trust that they will protect us better, in the long run, than convenient lies. The book is also an excellent read—lively, suspenseful, strange, and as insightful as it is disturbing. You should read it." --Jennifer Michael Hecht, author ofThe Happiness MythandDoubt: A History"Cold-Blooded Kindnessisa masterful fusion of analytic depth and powerful narrative. A singularly incisive expose of the fallacy of simplistic moral dichotomies we routinely deploy to judge (and misjudge) the intricacies of human nature. And a gripping read to boot." --Elkhonon Goldberg, Ph.D., ABPP-CN, Clinical Professor of Neurology, NYU School of Medicine"Barbara Oakley sets her sights on a seemingly mundane act of domestic violence to reveal the many hidden layers beneath. To make sense of those layers, Oakley uniquely dissects the dynamic psychological, social, and cultural forces that led an artistically gifted and seemingly kind and caring woman to kill her husband. Was she an abused victim or conniving victimizer? ReadCold-Blooded Kindnessand find out." --Mark Blumberg, F. Wendell Miller professor of psychology, University of Iowa, and author ofFreaks of Nature: What Anomalies Tell Us about Development and Evolution"A wonderful, intelligent and engaging study that illuminates the disturbing relationship between some of those who appeal to our better instincts, as victims, and those on whom they prey, including ourselves—it will grip the general reader and should be compulsory reading for anyone working in the 'caring' professions. For manythe world will never look the same after reading this book." --PsychiatristIain McGilchrist, author ofThe Master and his Emissary