The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work
According to authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, the rules of a happy marriage are often very different from the rules a single woman should follow in order to get hitched in the first place. In their phenomenally successful dating guide,The Rules, Fein and Schneider urged single women to adopt a strategy of denial--don't call him, don't be too available, don't sleep with him early on. In marriage, however, it seems the rules have drastically changed. He wants sex? Give it to him. He doesn't want to talk? So be it. He wants to go to the game and you don't? Shut up and go. As Schneider stated in a promotional TV interview, "It's not about being right--it's about what works."If you operate on the premise that most of the emotional work in a marriage is the responsibility of the woman, and that any marriage is preferable to no marriage at all, then this book is for you. "The fact is, to be happily married, a woman sometimes needs to treat her husband like a client or customer whom they want to keep happy (let him be right)," the authors write. "You're probably thinking, 'Why can't it be equal?' Why doesn't he have to do all the things you're suggesting, like 'Don't say the first mean word or make up first?' Our answer is because that is the way it is." For women who work hard in demanding jobs and then come home to manage children and a household, learning that they should completely put aside their needs, yet "continue to be a creature like any other," will not only come as a shock, but as an insult as well.To be fair, some of the 43 rules in the book are the kind of useful common sense that would benefit any partnership. Untold numbers of marriage experts have been dishing out this kind of advice for years--say what you mean but don't say it meanly, be supportive, and don't nag. Fortunately, if lowering your expectations and letting your hubby win (Rules 5 and 9) don't work, the book also includes rules for divorce and second marriages.--Marianne Painter