What Not to Name Your Baby
Author Joe Borgenicht doesn't reveal here what he chose to name his son, but you can bet it's not Eubie, Ralph, or Boris.  He's right on target when he says parents ought to find the name "that the fewest number of school children could potentially make fun of," and his guidelines are simple. Among them: don't use "clevur speling," avoid naming your kid after the lead character from a blockbuster film, and designate the names of cities and states for maps only. It's not a perfect baby-shower gift for everyone, as he mentions plenty of names that unfortunately rhyme with anatomical parts usually heard only in sex-ed classes. And some of his advice is utterly subjective: the name "Ethan," in his opinion, evokes the image of "a thick sweater-wearing, curly-haired college kid who smokes a lot of pot." But the list of more than 1,000 names to avoid is worth plenty of chuckles, and may save your offspring from 85 or so years of embarrassment. Sure, those pregnancy hormones are powerful, but they needn't be responsible for a lifetime of suffering on the part of your child. --Erica Jorgensen