Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
While the title of this book may confuse some, its contents demonstrate a solid understanding of dysfunctional relationships between borderline (BP) or narcissistic (NP) patients and their loved ones. Psychotherapist Fjelstad uses the word “caretaker” to identify partners and family members who enable typical BP/NP behavior at the expense of achieving their own goals and preserving their own sanity. The author begins with an excess of questions to assist caretakers in identifying destructive behaviors. As the text progresses, the writing becomes more fluid and accessible. Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. The book includes case studies, though they focus on the negative and make little mention of the addictive, intoxicating lure of these relationships.VERDICTDespite the cryptic title and occasionally awkward writing, Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.(Library Journal)If your borderline or narcissistic family member won’t or can’t get help, this book will help you get over your fear, obligation and guilt and get on with your own wonderful life.(Randi Kreger, borderline personality disorder expert and advocate, the author/coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)Margalis Fjelstad 'sStop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissistis a must-have tool for disentangling from Borderline/Narcissistic Personality family patterns. I especially appreciate the important distinction made between codependency and caretaking. This book makes a complicated subject easy to read and understand. Fjelstad skillfully puts things in perspective by giving thorough attention to Rescuer/Victim/Persecutor dynamics in the 'Drama Triangle.’(Elayne Savage, PhD, practicing psychotherapist, workplace coach and author of Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection)Indispensable insight and advice for anyone who feels a loss of control due to his or her relationship with a toxic person. This book offers hope that control and confidence can be regained, while offering understanding that allows for prevention of such psychologically damaging relationships in the future.(Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., adjunct asssistant professor of psychology, New York University)Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Nacissistis a well written book which highlights in straight forward language how people get caught in pathological caretaking roles. The author provides a self-assessment test which itself will help people recognize just how they have allowed themselves to be manipulated into being self-defeating, pathologically altruistic and how they unwittingly may collude with their borderline or narcissistic partner. She also offers clinical insights and advice on how to progress from being in a negative " drama triangle" to a more autonomous person in a "caring triangle" based on mutuality and reciprocity. This book is a self-help manual for identifying and changing maladaptive behavior.(Stefan A. Pasternack, M.D. DLFAPA, affiliate clinical professor of psychiatry, Florida Atlantic)