Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships
Clinical psychologist Weber exhorts girls and women to stop offering sex in the hope of gaining emotional intimacy with men, a process she terms “sextimacy.” In a self-help volume more aptly targeted toward today’s hook-up culture than Harville Hendrix’s well-regarded Getting the Love You Want, Weber contends that women too often invalidate their own desires in partnerships that unilaterally meet the needs of the man. She describes the female biological need for bonding and urges women to expect mutual fulfillment and to refuse sex with partners who are unwilling and/or unable to provide emotional intimacy and safety outside of sex. The inclusion of contributing family pattern descriptions and self-assessment questions adds depth and utility to this excellent book. VERDICT The author’s dedication page reads simply “To Girls.” Most sexually active females will see themselves or someone they know in this compassionate and helpful book. Recommended.(Library Journal)Where has this book been? For years we've needed someone to directly address the pseudo-liberation that passes for authentic autonomy and pseudo-intimacy that can block the option of genuine vulnerability. The sad truth that women feel compelled to accept male defined approaches to sexuality requires discussion andHaving Sex, Wanting Intimacywill now offer that possibility. Hopefully this book opens a watershed dialogue – among women, within relationships, and throughout our culture-at-large. The reflection and change that will likely result is long overdue.(Kent Hoffman, Rel.D., Psychology of Intimacy, Gonzaga University)Jill Weber eloquently explains how many women end up ashamed of some of their greatest strengths and guides the reader through the process of turning this around. Her book will be helpful to women who would like to be more mindful and self-aware in their intimate relationships and to others who want to better understand women who seem troubled by their relationship patterns.(Matthew D. Johnson, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology, Binghamton University)Jill Weber has written an engaging and thought-provoking book that will stimulate many women to ponder their relationships with men and with their own bodies.(Karen Prager, professor of psychology and gender studies, The University of Texas at Dallas)Having Sex, Wanting Intimacyis directed at those women, including high school and college students, who use sex as a means to achieving intimacy, and who fail miserably in doing so. It shows them how to recognize the signs that their relationships are based on physical activities rather than emotional connections, and guides readers to finding a better way.