David Letterman's Book of Top Ten Lists
From the man who needs no introduction but gets one every night anyway on NBC... er, I mean CBS: One-hundred-and-sixty-five Top Ten lists! We couldn't find a Top Ten about the Internet to share with you, but here's a list that comes close (and closer every day):Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Long-Distance Company10. So-called "dial tone" is just a guy with a kazoo9. Everyone you talk to sounds like the drive-through at Wendy's8. All calls are ten cents for the first minute, $94 each additional minute7. In the background of every call you make: giggling6. When you tell the operator you're trying to call a friend in Vermont, she laughs and says, "Hey pal, this ain't theJetsons!5. No matter what number you dial, the same guy answers4. They insist on being paid with "ass, gas, or grass"3. Every time you pick up the receiver, dirty gray water pours out2. They bill you for calls made by somebody named Pepe, and when you complain, they say, "Whatsa problem, man, you no like Pepe?"1. Their slogan is "Reach out and touch yourself"And, the book reallydoescome with a special bonus set of plans for an end-table by Norm Stamper: it looks pretty solid.