Scoundrel!: The Secret Memoirs of General James Wilkinson
Graduating from college with a Master’s Degree in History (and therefore possessing no actual job skills), Mr. Thompson sold vacuum cleaners door-to-door for 16 years until losing his job in the great carpet-sweeper wars of ’03. Forced into a life of crime, he stood on various street corners for a week, until it dawned on him that loitering was not the sort of crime one could actually make a living at. Lacking the nerve to move up to jaywalking, he decided to pursue his dream and become a novelist.  Five years later it finally dawned to him that writing novels was not the sort of work one could actually make a living at either, so he became a professional gambler and amassed several million dollars. His financial security thus assured, he has now returned to his first love—lying in bed, sleeping, crying, burping, and occasionally playing with his toes.     Mr. Thompson currently lives in Ft. Thomas, Kentucky, with his lovely Russian mail-order bride, Tatiana, and an ever-changing assortment of nubile concubines and pliant servant-girls. His hobbies include mountain-climbing, sky-diving, hanging out at the mansion with Hef and the gang, and lying about his life and hobbies.