Trauma and Evil: Healing the Wounded Soul
From the Preface (pre-publication version):Preface: Personal Journeys Into EvilAs we begin this journey from trauma into the realm of evil, we want to share our respective stories of wrestling personally with the presence of evil as an active force in the world. This seems particularly fitting, since the material we are presenting grows out of the life stories patients and colleagues have shared with us. In talking with colleagues, we have been repeatedly reminded that our experiences are similar to those of others who have been blessed enough to embark willingly and unwillingly upon this journey into the realm of evil. The value in sharing our stories and respective journeys with one another is that it alleviates the isolation and lack of confidence that can develop within us when life experience of any kind is not shared.With these thoughts in mind, we would like to share how each of us came to an interest in such a disturbing subject as evil. As with most things in life that change us significantly, the evolutionary process has been slow, but constant. While conversion may seem spontaneous at times, there is often a long and tedious preparation process that has operated behind the scene.——————————It took a long time for the reality of evil to break through my denial. This is not because I lived a sheltered life growing up. On the contrary, in my early life I experienced a fire which threatened my home, the explosion of a building right before my eyes, the death of both a close friend and my father from cancer, as well as the systemic evils of a patriarchal church and sexism in society, the horror of the Vietnam War, racism, . . .  .As an adult, I have been exposed to violence, abuse, wars, and other atrocities on a daily basis through sensationally driven news media. In the inner city of Milwaukee where I was the principal of an elementary school, I witnessed the effects of abuse, violence, and prejudice on children and families. I was also personally held at gunpoint, robbed, and left locked in a freezer. And yet, somehow, these experiences did not break through a denial system that kept me believing that people are good and the world is basically a safe place. Or perhaps, I believed somehow I could change it and make it all better if I tried hard enough.I have always believed that we and those to whom we minister are about cocreation of our world, as well as one another. So it was with my breakthrough about evil. It began a number of years ago when in both my professional and personal life I had my first encounters with persons who suffer from multiple personality disorder (now referred to as dissociative identity disorder). Their shared experiences confronted me with evil in a way that finally broke through my denial system. These were persons who had experienced extraordinary abuse at the hands of their parents and others known to them. The enormity and pervasiveness of this evil overwhelmed me. Initially I was extremely fearful of it. For the first time in my life I felt basically unsafe in the world, and my faith in a loving God was shaken. Since that time, I have struggled to name and understand evil, to understand God in new ways, and discover how I want to respond to evil.In 1990, on our drive back from a dissociative disorders conference, Jeff and I began talking about evil. At that time, we each identified a personal need to address the issue. We also saw a need for persons of faith to deal with these issues, since few people in our circles of colleagues seemed to be talking about evil at that time. I believe strongly with theologian Elizabeth Johnson, "If God is there, resisting evil and willing life wherever people are being damaged, then followers of Jesus must enter into that same solidarity"(Johnson 1990, 126). I also believe that to name something correctly gives us a certain amount of power over it, even when that means recognizing evil in all its ghastly reality. When I can name evil in that way, it also makes me clearer about the fact that it is in dedication to "life . . . more abundantly" that I am committed.It seems to me that it is reckless to think of evil as something “out there” and as something over which I have no control. I believe each of us has a personal responsibility. Part of assuming personal responsibility has meant I’ve had to face the potential for evil within myself. I have learned that the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, including my own.With my denial taken away, my eyes have been opened to see the world more clearly, my vision has been broadened, and I can recognize that things are often not what they seem. For example, in my work with a female inmate, I have experienced evil at a local prison. We are persuaded to believe in this country that evil is embodied in the prisoners whom we lock away. However, the evil I have experienced is not in the inmate, for she admits her wrongdoing and is repentant. The evil I am now aware of is in the prison system itself, which treats these women in inhuman ways. Power and control are exercised with no concern for helping them change their lives so they can live responsibly.It has become increasingly clear to me that in our terrified longing to be in control of the universe, instead of turning our attention to the seeds of evil within ourselves, it is easier to focus on "all-bad" scapegoats like inmates. It is easier to recognize evil in other people, rather than see it in ourselves and in the systems of which we are a part. I am learning that the more I am able to face evil within myself, the more I am able to be with another who has been a victim of evil or even a perpetrator of evil. As theological leaders, our task is to help the people of God understand the experience of evil in the world and determine a faithful response to it.M.A.N. (Mary Ann Nelson)