Blacktop
Meat Loaf himself drives cross-country like a bat out of hell in this serial-killer-on-wheels snickerfest. David (Lochlyn Munro) is a struggling stand-up comedian with commitment issues. Sylvia (Kristin Davis) gets tired of both the road and his waffling and hitches a ride with friendly trucker Jack (Meat Loaf). We already know this is a bad idea. Why? Because last night Jack snuck into her room and made her a menacing pink balloon animal. Yes, that's right: areally scarypink balloon animal. Poor Kristin Davis spends most of the film trying to maintain her dignity through the movie's many excuses to remove her clothing, but Meat Loaf (billed here as Meat Loaf Aday) is not half-bad--he's actually a standout amid a cast that doesn't frown on phoning it in. Occasionally it appears that the actors were doing a rehearsal run and then decided, what the heck, let's just use that take. It's really bad, but it hurts so good--one could invent a drinking game based on the ludicrous plot holes alone. Enjoy.--Ali Davis