If You Only Knew
After accidentally setting fire to his apartment--and revealing that  he'd kept a cat in a no-pets building--Parker (Johnathon Schaech fromThat Thing You Do!andThe Doom Generation) needs to find a new place to live. Temporarily he camps out at the apartment of his best friend, Jack (James LeGros,Living in Oblivion,Drugstore Cowboy), but Jack's incessant one-night stands start to drive him nuts. Finally he gets introduced to Sam (Alison Eastwood,Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil), who invites him to move into her place--but only because she thinks he's gay. Pretending to be gay not only leads Parker to discover things about his coworkers and friends, but also about himself. He finds himself more comfortable with women as a gay man than he'd ever been before. But as he grows more and more smitten with Sam, his masquerade becomes more and more troublesome.If You Only Knewwants to address honesty and self-identity in a light, farcical way; unfortunately, the writing is stale and unoriginal. But though the movie's humor falls pretty flat, there are some surprisingly sweet moments that make it almost worthwhile. Also featuring the lovely Gabrielle Anwar as a friend of Sam's who is drawn to Parker even though she thinks he's gay.--Bret Fetzer