No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen
Roger Salazar emerges from two hours in make-up ready for another book appearance. In his arms is an enormous, multicolored, molded Jell-O. "I never thought I would parlay my theater degree into book promotion," says Salazar, author of No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen. In nylons, permed wig, and press-on nails, Salazar has become Sister Enid Christensen, the quintessential Mormon housewife. Elaborating on the spiritual aspects of Jell-O sculpting, Salazar hints that his new cookbook published by Signature Books is a tongue-in-cheek parody of life in Utah. He is quick to brag that he knows hundreds of ways to prepare Jell-o, zucchini, and spam "three prerequisites to any successful suburban Utah meal." "I'm so proud to come from the Jell-O Belt," jokes Salazar, "which you may know stretches all the way from Burley, Idaho to Snowflake, Arizona. West Valley City (a suburb of Salt Lake City) is, of course, the Jell-O capital of the world!" Sister Christensen considers her recipes the height of haute cuisine. "These days people are tired of steak and potatoes," she says. "they crave more sophisticated dishes like casseroles." She breaks into a husky, contra-alto rendition of "Casserole-serole" to the tune of "Que Sera, Sera." "It's time for Martha Stewart to move over," laughs this self- proclaimed 'post-feminist icon,' "because people like me are coming out of the kitchen. It's the nineties, after all." No Man Knows My Pastries, with over 100 recipes and 50 photographs, bridges the gap between easy and edible, fast and fashionable. "It liberates housewives and house-husbands from kitchen drudgery, allowing them to focus on basic family values like sitting around the T.V." She adds, "Fast foods are glorious technological advances brought forth to assist in spreading the good word from the good book. Cooking from scratch leaves little time for church and family." "At first I was reluctant to share my special recipes," Sister Christensen explains. "It was not until God told me I was hiding my light under a bushel, and my dear friend Roger promised me advanced royalties, that I agreed to part with my sweet family's favorite recipes." Sister Christensen's creations include such mouthwatering temptations as "Sweet and Sour Spam," "Fig and Orange Jell-O Mold," "Sausage Souffle," "Tomato Soup Cake," "Processed Cheese Dip," "Bologna Angel Wings" (for the holidays), "Lumpy Dick" (a dumpling delicacy), and "Irish Postum" (Mormons don't drink coffee). "There may actually be some recipes in this book that can be used to make something edible," says Salt Lake Tribune's book reviewer Paul Swenson, "but mostly it should be kept out of the kitchen. You need a room with plenty of space to lie down and roll around in spasms of hilarity, away from hot surfaces and sharp objects." --Associated Press