When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships
“Whether you are having an affair or are thinking about it, or your partner is having an affair, this book is for you. Kirshenbaum brings us practical steps for understanding affairs and utilizing the mistakes we make for a deeper healing. This book can help strengthen all our relationships.”—Rabbi Ted Falcon, Ph.D., rabbi of Bet Alef: An Inclusive Spiritual Synagogue in Seattle and co-author ofJudaism for Dummies"Kirshenbaum addresses the often painful question of whether good people can and do have affairs and provides methodical, insightful answers to this very disturbing dilemma. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has had an affair, been the object of an affair, or anyone who has thought of having an affair".— Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D, Ph.D., author ofPerformance AddictionandThePower of Empathy "This book is brilliantly written for anyone entrapped in a messy affair. Powerful, pragmatic answers clarify how to sanely address infidelity."— Lee Raffel, M.SW., author ofI Hate Conflict! Seven Steps to Resolving Differences with Anyone in Your Life“Kirshenbaum meets us right at the heart of an illicit affair and juggling two lovers.  Her research and experience shows most people who have affairs want what’s best for everyone involved.  Her absolute acceptance and wisdom teach us how we can trust ourselves, despite feeling crazy, to untangle our love triangles and live with choices that are free of regret and ambivalence.  We can clearly decide what is good for us and what will lead to our happiness.”—Diana Mercer, JD, Attorney-Mediator and Founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services "An important and insightful book on a very difficult topic."—Gayle Rosenwald Smith, author ofDivorce and Money: Everything You Need to Know  "The ‘sexual correctness police’ surround us all the time and are so menacing we are often afraid to speak honestly and hence revert to humor to diffuse our  anxieties. Mira Kirshenbaum has dared to break the rules, not by advocating  for affairs (which too often are very destructive) but for acknowledging that  they are happening, and giving advice to minimize the hurts and maximize the  capacity of people to treat the others involved with the dignity and honesty  they deserve."—Rabbi  Michael Lerner, Editor,TikkunMagazine and chair, The Network of Spiritual  Progressives    “Every pastor, therapist, and counselor should read this book.  Mira Kirshenbaum, through decades of clinical experience, demystifies affairs with wisdom, humor, buckets of common sense, and most of all, deep compassion for all involved.  She provides from every perspective, including the children, clear guidelines for decision making and the follow through necessary for a long and healthy relationship.  This book resonates profoundly with my 38 years of ministering with people in relationships.  Even the happily married would benefit from readingWhen Good People Have Affairs.”—M. Thomas Shaw, SSJE, Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts“Mira Kirshenbaum has done it again! She has tackled the most difficult of issues and in so doing offers the reader clear and powerful tools for moving on and through the complexities of an affair. Every psychotherapist in the field knows that working with people involved in affairs is painful for all concerned. These are not bad people, as it would be too easy to assume. These are good people working through complicated issues, feelings and needs. With steps for identifyingwhyand thenwhat next,this book will serve not only those who are personally involved with affairs, but also those in the helping role. I look forward to having it available as a recommendation for clients and as an aide in my own psychotherapy practice.”—Dr. Dorothy Firman, Director, The Synthesis Center, Amherst, MA.  Co-author ofDaughters and Mothers: Making it Work; Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter Soul; Chicken Soup for the Soul: Celebrating Mothers and Daughtersand:Chicken Soup for the Father and Son Soul