"The only thing that cures alcoholism is a desire (and thorough conviction) to not to die with the dishonor of being a drunk." - Ohiovr -1

I wanted to try my comment again to see if I could rectify my error and apparent hypocrisy.

If anyone is still reading this thread and desires freedom from alcohol I will try to expand on this while it is still up. My desire to not die a drunk came suddenly to me late last year when one my beloved neighbor died one unfortunate night after a lifetime of alcoholism due to her drinking. She was a confessing christian and was not able to drive anymore because of a license suspension. I thought I too was a Christian.

Because she could not drive and since I too was an alcohol abuser I sought to please her by answering her request to buy cheap liquor for her from the place she wished while I was pounding cheap six packs night after night day after day for years.

Then one day her eyes turned yellow and I pleaded with her to seek medical attention. I said you probably better lay off the sauce for a while until you get well but she did not. Even if she had, it was already too late for her. A week later she was taken to the hospital and that night she died.

My brother also went to the hospital a couple years ago because of a lifetime of strong drink and he was also near death. By God's mercy he survived and though he is still a drinker he only drinks beer now and we both enjoyed about a hundred gallons of cheap beer since that time.

He was not a christian but I thought I was. I thought everyone who confessed the name of Christ was his and that his mercy could overlook such depraved behavior. I thought my neighbor was a confessing christian. When I was depressed she exhorted me over and over to read the book of Romans. Yet Paul had the harshest words for drunkenness. We tend to pick and choose what to accept and what to reject with what is already in our hearts and when our hearts are set one way we do not often let the truth in.

When she died I felt not only grave sadness for her loss but also deep guilt in my own conscious for not only being exactly like her but also enabling her death. I had defeated the enemy in me at that point concerning pornography (which to this day I have been free of for 6 months) I thought man I've done it, I'm now a christian for real. I had an abundance of confidence. But it was not so at all true that I really knew Christ.

Since December 27th I've been free of being a continuous alcoholic. I have to confess I did have one day of drink just recently but I did not seek any after. I do not intend on buying drink ever again. The drink I had was a gift from a friend (my landlord) who made wine with his own hands. I could not refuse. I did not feel the same pull I always did to have more and more. Indeed one drink ought to take me back to the abyss.

My life has been in turmoil all year yet I refused to see it until I dreamed an extraordinary dream of my Dad fist fighting me and being unable to get away from his wrath. There was no where to run, there was no where to hide.

I sought the meaning earnestly and received 2 other dreams. Some other dreams I had were completely humiliating. But all this was leading to something that I was not doing what I ought to do. I was proud, I needed a great deal of humility and I was unable to see that from what my peers were telling me.

I had to seek my Heavenly Father's countenance earnestly to find peace.

Dear friends, alcohol is a cruel master, it strips away your whole life. It will take the lives of those around you and leave you with guilt to consider what you did. It will take your job and your freedom. It will separate you from your family. It will even take away your communion with the Almighty.

I'm not writing this to condemn but to help. I love Christ because he first loved me! Love is not mere acceptance, nor is it slave to us. It is our master. Christ is love and he is truth. Christ does not reprove people he hates, reproof is love. The loving son accepts his father's reproof. The unloving son hates reproof.

The death of my neighbor may have indeed saved my soul. Because until that point I was living in grave error. Her death still reverberates day after day with her sister which is also now my beloved neighbor.

That is why I said only the desire to not be an drunk will save you from being one. But we are powerless to do this on our own. Alcohol has a very strong hold on some of us trying to cure or fill something in us which only the spirit of God can fill with concrete.

If you make Love your master, Christ incarnate is Love, instead of Alcohol, then nothing will be truly impossible for you if you remain in him. Pray earnestly for his splendid countenance and you will receive it.