'Today started out horrendously—my ride fell ill and I missed an important job interview.  But I went for a walk and visited five places, each time asking about the hiring process. I started an...|||536058|||Half of all we do owes to a sort of pervasive boredom.|||Girl: . . . because men are bad with words. Me: Hey, men are not bad withx97bad withx97bad withx97what's the word? Oh, that's it!|||If jokes had mid-life crises and bought circuses and took LSD in dosages large enough to kill elephants, then I would make those jokes.  2.5/10|||Congratulations—you've found it!|||You're back!  Welcome. You'll find that a lot of the old users left; the forum sheds its skin every couple of years or so.|||I'll be happy as soon as I see Frapping him with disembodied arteries on the thread list.|||No problem; I'll just re-derive my solutions.|||I notice that limiting my computer use tends to make me a happier, healthier, more productive person.  Fuck that, though.|||I don't want to do that one, really.   Get thee to a nunnery.   Mt. Molehill.   Never time travel.|||I can hardly read anymore, because I pay so much attention to the construction of language that a particularly grabby sentence gets me thinking about my own desire to write. I'd sooner complete my...|||And I should add: if you decide to improve (and it really is a decision that you have to make every day), improvement won't happen all at once. It takes years to fill a hole one can dig in months,...|||I'm not going to say what you want to hear. Still, if you feel anything I've said is off-base, feel free to discount it; I'm not a psychologist.    Yes, you're selfish. But not because you lack...|||It can't be any other way with strap-ons.|||And some more was supposed to designate unrelated quotes, as a sort of bonus round.|||Sunday theme: olfaction.|||u200bhhh|||This thread is your opportunity to quote other users while excluding most of their post, for the sake of hilarity.  I'll start.|||To find a solution, you need to ask yourself: When do people have sex?  There is an obvious answer to this question, which is perhaps hidden in plain sight: People have sex when their species is at...|||The following is from the play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard.   GUILDENSTERN: A man breaking his journey between one place and another at a third place of no name,...|||Every so often I accidentally put the fingers in the tooth-box and the teeth in the finger-box. It almost always leads the victim's family to believe I'm anatomically retarded, which can ruin the...|||I drink coffee daily, but not because it's a stimulant. My biggest reasons are to enjoy the taste and to avoid experiencing withdrawal. I have an extremely high tolerance for caffeine, and can fall...|||I drew a picture of my friend fighting zombies while mounting a hippo today, on the free response portion of an AP exam.  Here is the accompanying poem (x97 representing my friend's monosyllabic...|||I love math, but I was lucky enough to have taught it to myself.  People who receive schooling in math before coming to terms with it on their own, I notice, are often resentful of it. I think it...|||I can eat 3.8 rolls of sushi per minute, without really trying.   When I do try, that number is probably closer to 5.0.  Not really a feat, but fast enough that it's socially unacceptable.|||Didn't take the ACT, but took the SAT and scored a 2350.  Still, colleges really don't care; they look for scores within a ballpark. If you have shit grades, as I do, your likelihood of being...|||Existence, albeit beautiful, is a mess.  Nobody is happy who prizes happiness.  Two things in life never run short: desire and sloth.  Habit is a cost-effective death for those who can't afford...|||To answer your first question, I'm interested in starting conversation.  To answer your second, people on this forum share loads of confidential information on a daily basis. So long as they...|||I know that a thread has already been made on this topic, but I won't bother to find and revive it.  Furthermore, I'd like there to be a definite format. It should go as follows:   An example...|||Ideology is cheap and disingenuous, like Febreze.   (By ideology, I don't mean belief. I mean belief, systematized and dogmatized.)  I don't live with people who resort to using Febreze...|||This is a very good question, albeit neglected owing to the--ahem--audience.   I mean it when I say: go to coffee shops and start conversations with random people. Most are pretty open to...|||Hot showers. I never take cold showers, and would prefer I keep some semblance of hygiene.  On a related topic, some philosophers actually wrote against masturbation.|||ME: I'm going to go home, and I'm going to kill myself.  FRIEND: April Fools?  (I slowly shake my head.)|||Oh but people look well in the dark. (Two cents to whoever can guess what that's from.)  499802|||Step 1: Disembowl  Sorry, I was copying from my other friend manual.  Anyway, engage him in one of the topics he finds interesting. Let him talk to you. I find, if I talk enough to anything, be...|||Ah, to-fu, the most mysterious of the martial arts.|||Yeah, but they always catch me before I get to the cornfield.|||It better; I'm not paying for Flat Stanley.|||People rarely like their lives improved. They prefer wading in the pile of shit to which they've become accustomed.|||How very improper. But, if you must know, I can always ask them.|||Depends. Do its teeth retract, and will it not call me afterwards?|||I've performed a successful measurement of my productivity.  It's about 2000 ppm / oz. caffeine.|||Tried that excuse, they still towed me.|||Until I actually attract someone, I'll leave this one blank.|||499658  (So glad I got the chance to use that one.)|||I like my salad as I like my women: undressed. Catalina.|||Being told I'm vulnerable really gets me.|||I realize I am the kind of person who performs flawlessly at level ten and beyond, but can't succeed at level one.  Solving advanced combinatorics problems? Self-studying calculus? Writing...|||Writer's block is terrible. I can only use short, basic words. Ideas and analogies are as sparse as... as...'