Some ISTJs are VERY direct, some are not.   Ask him straight out if he wants to break up.   99% he will answer this directly and honestly.|||There is a difference in motivation.  An ISTJ will usually do things because he or she sees it as the right thing to do. Whether it pleases someone else isn't normally a factor.  An ISFJ is much...|||Let the ideas and aggressiveness flow.   Drink lots of coffee before the meeting. Then, don't pee.... hold it in.|||ISFJs, do you welcome advice, even if unsolicited? Do you feel obligated to follow advice that is given? Are the two related.... not wanting advice because if offered there is a sense of obligation...|||^^^|||That is one of the coolest things I have read in awhile. I have a German Shepherd. He understand me, I understand him.|||I have noticed this dynamic myself. We are just too dependable and loyal. People rely on us to make up any slack... and take us for granted.  At this stage, I actively watch for this dynamic and...|||I work best when I have clear guidelines, do not need to depend on others, and am left alone to get the job done.|||I am ISTJ; my girlfriend is ISFJ. Sometimes her emotions flow freer than mine and we aren't in sync. Don't take it as a negative as long as you both accept each other's level.  We ISTJs are...|||A wingman WOULD help.|||I think I see the problem.  Don't take what I am about to say the wrong way. I mean this to be constructive.  You've asked for help in several threads. The answers start coming in. Some answers...|||You are taking her rebellion as a betrayal to your church group and to yourself personally. Let that go. That is not what is going on. She is 18 and in college... IOW she can make her own decisions...|||It's not an issue unless you are noticeably more clingy than your partner. If so, just dial it back.|||Since he's asked you so many questions, ask him a few-  1) What are the specifics of where you see this relationship going? 2) What do you expect of me? 3) What can I expect of you? 4) What are...|||The best thing to do is ask him. Try to not be confrontational, use as little emotion as possible, and don't put him on the spot.   ISTJs tend to be forthright when asked a direct question.   Be...|||I don't develop feelings first then work around them.   Before my heart starts to engage, my head does the math. If it approves, my heart proceeds. If not, my head blocks feelings from starting.|||Three things-  1) As was said above, find both your Love Languages and consider it carefully. If her love language is, for example, Words of Affirmation, and you are constantly saying negative...|||It is very easy for me, being ISTJ. I don't give my heart permission to get involved. It is probably not so simple for an INFP.|||I had a hard time receiving gifts when I was younger. I wasn't being  intentionally thankless.... I was VERY uncomfortable with the situations. Heck, I  would usually have chewed my arm off to get...|||Luck doesn't exist, BUT- shit does happen. ;)   I have had some little shit, some big shit, and some shit I will never recover from.  Much of life is just making up your mind that you are going...|||sorry... brainfart.|||Yep. The advice I would give here is the same as his last thread. http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/823538-28-years-old-never-had-girlfriend-am-i-loser.html|||^^^ This was my first thought.  Also, are there careers performing studies and such where you could use your degree?|||Talk to him about it. Be honest and direct without being confrontational.|||^^^ lol... the posts above.  I was married to an ENFP for 19 years.   We spent half of the time debating what she inferred from what I said.|||I love to travel. It's one of the few ways I can let go.  I have been to all 50 US states and 30 something countries. In my youth I back-packed around Europe three times.|||Breaking stereotypes... why? I am me. I don't care if other ISTJs are like me, or different.  What if I told you I am Irish and I like to drink? oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo|||Dude- you are living too much inside your own head. You need to do something outdoorsy... start hiking, camping, bike riding, something.....   BTW, stuff just hurts from time to time.|||Yep, and it's MUCH worse than being alone.|||A few items; -Online dating works. Keep trying. Some have forums where you can post your profile and have users critique it. -Try to hang with women whenever possible. This increases your skills......|||Be happy for him.  It could be worse. I got a motorcycle AND started jumping out of airplanes again.|||#1- I would be comfortable meeting friends and family after the time you gave. But.... I would prefer it NOT be in a big group at a restaurant... even if most are introverts.  I would advise NAY to...|||They are there. We are 16% of the population. In the absence of it being spelled out, look for signs.|||My love language is also Quality Time. If I love someone, I will make time for them... even though I am ALWAYS busy.  There really is no substitute for time... but if he knows your love language...|||I view being cool about the same as a dog would view a bowl of raw cauliflower.    The instrument has yet to be designed that could accurately measure the depths of my apathy.|||I am not sure I understand. Are you asking if we would see that we are being used? If that is the question, speaking just for myself... yes. I recently ended a relationship for that very reason.|||You are who you are. She is what she is. The way you show love was not what she perceives as being love. Some people have needs that many ISTJs cannot give.   Look at it this way- if you are a...|||We ISTJs do better in stressful situations when we know what is happening. You should have told him about the issues from your life changing situation so he understood why you got upset so easily. ...|||I am not sure what you mean by drama, but if an ISTJ sees you as an impediment to getting their work done properly, they will not just let things go.|||The key to understanding ISTJs- ask us.... really.    Go to her and ask for 5 minutes to talk. When you get the time to talk, tell her you think there is friction between you two and ask what you...|||Same here. Communication was difficult, at best.|||Two things-  1) You may want to try meetup.com, and attend activities that interest you. Build relationships based on mutual interest. 2) If you do online dating again, mention your type in your...|||I use a pen.|||Well, there was that time I made a list of all the lists I needed.|||She is controlling you through negative behavior.  She is rude and you give her what she wants. Generally speaking, you get more or what you encourage and you get less of what you discourage. Stop...|||First- don't assume. Ask him to take an MBTI test to KNOW if he is ISTJ or not.  Second- make your intentions clear. We tend to respect and respond to directness and clarity.|||It's not that an ISTJ will hold back for the purpose of depriving an ENFP. It's that the ENFP needs more communication and on a different level than the ISTJ has to give.  Look at it this way- a...|||Communicating with an ENFP can be draining for an ISTJ... even with loved ones.  For the ISTJ, it seems like the ENFP is trying to pull info and emotion out of us. Sometimes the ISTJ will resist,...|||^^^ What niss said, 1 and 2.|||In your OP you spoke of reactions and clues. Additionally, I note you are ENFP.   ISTJs and ENFPs often have a difficult time communicating.  It has been my experience that ENFPs can miss what an...