'My guess is that you ARE a threat, but she doesn't want her girlfriends to know that she's interested in someone outside of her relationship, because that makes her look bad. Especially if they're...|||And that's what makes you an INFP and him an INTP, in terms of how you make decisions. I think an INTP is far more likely to say if I'm really tired, I would NOT want to talk with someone I was...|||I wouldn't rule out INFJ, either, based on what you've described -- I hear examples of Ni and Fe as they can operate in INFJs (keeping in mind that a lot of the INFJ stereotypes are the result of...|||There's your answer: if being in a relationship with you would be impossible, there would be no logical reason to tell you how he feels, other than for the purpose of expressing complicated and/or...|||I got my PhD in social work research...I study the effectiveness of public child welfare services and I love what I do.   Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk|||How many quirky lovesick girls/women do you need to see posting on this sub before you can consider that INTPs are a rare type that is often considered interesting and attractive to other rare-ish...|||If you want an INTP to approach you, be approachable. It's kinda hypocritical to describe your own shyness and avoidance as reasonable caution, while expecting him to make a move based on the same...|||After your answer, you might try adding, thanks for asking....how are you? or whatever reciprocation would be appropriate. Or maybe just try asking him something first next time. It's not that I...|||If it were me, I'd leave a simple note somewhere he'll find it when you're not there: I love you. I just wanted to tell you.   That lets him process it on his own without any pressure to respond...|||Agreed, and as a long-time lurker on this thread (PerC newbie since 2011!), I'm wondering if there's a lot of confusion in the gray area between that's just an INTP being normal, doesn't mean he's...|||It may be wise to consider that this may more about him being recently divorced than anything else -- it sounds like you were his transitional relationship which is a horrible, horrible position to...|||Oy, I wish it wasn't so hard for Fi users to understand that just because someone does something that makes you feel a certain way, does not mean that they were TRYING to make you feel that way. And...|||I think it's INTP or ENTP for me. Based on experience, I seem to clash with Fi in close relationships, but I have trouble connecting emotionally with another regular Fe user...we just agree on...|||I'm definitely the intellectual, with a dusting of special snowflake and a little of the overstressed when I'm...overstressed. I don't know that I ever get mistaken for an NT, but I do tend to...|||Academia. I'd never knowingly met an INTP (or ENTP) until I was in a research environment, and now I've met three over the years, and there was an immediately intriguing intellectual connection and...|||Internally, it takes me awhile to recover from embarrassment -- those moments can haunt me for a long time. Externally, I usually recover quickly, but it helps to have another NF (if it was a social...|||1. INFJ 2. Confidence on type: 9 3. INFP, but it never felt like it fit me 4. ENFJ - we get each other and can be blunt in a way I'm not with other types, because we both automatically forgive...|||I got pretty burned by this scenario. The attraction was very visceral and sensory, he got me out of my shell and out in the world, and he really liked having someone deeper than him to put words...|||Maybe a bit of both...although if it were me, I probably would have sent you an embarrassed follow-up by now, apologizing for dumping my problems on you and revealing the real motivation behind...|||Oh, I definitely do want a romantic relationship with him, it's just not possible (maybe in a few years). But that makes your advice even more salient, so thank you for chiming in...it's confusing...|||Yep, sounds pretty accurate, and then some. And it is very deep and playful at the same time (INFJs can be playful! I really should change my avatar to something other than my favorite depressed male...|||Hmm, that's food for thought...because of course I spend a lot of time analyzing whether it's as semi-romantic for him as it is for me, even though there are reasons for me to think so (short of...|||Just saw this commercial and somehow remembered reading your description of the kid in the costume knocking over blocks -- the commercial is for iPhone/Verizon, tagline is you're more powerful than...|||I had an experience today with an INTP that seemed worthy of a thread. We've worked together for years and have a very connected and productive relationship -- if circumstances were different, I...|||I think it's funny that the OP didn't ask for romantic movies at all...just ones that show the interaction between the types, because she's currently intrigued by that unique dynamic. I don't know...|||I'm not seeing any reason not to suspect that she broke up with her long-distance boyfriend because she realized that she's enjoying spending all her time with you, her male friend who she didn't...|||A nice key chain/fob? Like from a department store...not chintzy. Or a little picture frame, if they like to have pictures of family/friends/pets at their desk. Small plants in a nice pot works, too....|||To paraphrase the Rust Cohle character from the most recent episode of True Detective, life is barely long enough to get good at one thing...be careful what you get good at. It seems to me that...|||Biomechanics...very cool!  Yes, I'm a researcher affiliated with a university. In retrospect, it might have been easier to just become a regular professor who also does research, but the idea of...|||I got my PhD a couple years ago...it's in Social Work and Social Welfare. I do research on what works in the child welfare system, but I don't teach (other than guest lectures).  Honestly,...|||I'm not an INTP, but the hot and cold thing is a matter of perspective, right? If you mean that they seem (intentionally?) hot and cold about you. But we're talking about a type whose primary...|||This is really helpful perspective (and you're right about age versus maturity). He is a balanced, we'll-adjusted INTP, and my sense is exactly what you describe, that he knows and he knows that I...|||Wait a second, there are older INTPs reading this? I've been talking myself out of posting about an INTP in his 40's, because I didn't notice many self-identified older INTPs here. It's about a...|||Statements 1 and 2 resonate for me -- there are people who check on me, sometimes more than I'm comfortable with, and sometimes I check on others if they're specifically having a hard time with...|||Sounds like you'd rather she were an ENFJ like you? ;)  For myself, as a female INFJ who is also just me, friendliness is not be a sign of caring. When I'm being friendly, it's often to match my...|||Wow, the first two responses provide excellent perspective. I can relate to many aspects of your situation, and I know how agonizing and inauthentic in can sometimes be to feel that close and...|||Interesting topic! I know there's some social psychology research that defines guilt as feeling like you DID something bad, and shame as feeling like you ARE bad. In the study I'm dimly recalling,...|||All of this. The OP is using Fi/Ne/Si, in my opinion, which both explains the doubtful processing loop and the connection of type to self-concept, and reveals that the closer-fit type is INFP. What I...|||It sounds like situational depression to me. You've had a tremendous amount to deal with, and now it's got you down for the count. The sense of hopelessness, the inability to feel enjoyment, the...|||Welcome...I'm newish, too. For me, it was a freakin' relief when I finally realized that I was an INFJ, because the average tests don't distinguish between INFJ and INFP very well, and INFP just...|||You may potentially be able to be friends in the future, but not now. It's just not fair to you to, like you said, let her pick and choose which parts of you she wants...it's not an ultimatum to say...|||Hmmmm, methinks you're on to something here. I think INFJs may run into a lot of situations where someone gives up on understanding us because we don't make a lot of sense on the surface. Then along...|||Say more about that from the INTP perspective. :)  If not for myself and the OP, then for the all the other INFJs (and INTPs) that are perhaps squandering their Friday night scouring the internet...|||Okay, so I never post on this forum but I read it religiously, because I am one of the hordes of INFJs in love with an INTP -- in my case circumstances have prevented any romantic relationship for...|||What Btmangan said. If she's allowing the hand-holding, hair-snuggling, etc. then she has romantic feelings, but she seems to be unsure of how strong or real they are. Pull back so she can see what...|||I would be direct, but not in person. Figure out what you want (to actually date him, or just confirm that there is tension between you two because its driving you crazy?) and express it in writing...|||I think what you wrote is very sweet and obviously heartfelt. That said, you asked for brutal honesty, and for me, that would be too much -  it's not that emotional content is too much, but more...|||Maybe look for structured activities on campus? I find I'm a lot more comfortable in social situations when the focus is on something other than making conversation. I'm thinking trivia nights, book...|||I'm exactly the same way, and I've never been able to put my finger on why. It doesn't feel like vanity to me  or insecurity...maybe it's an inferior extroverted sensing thing? Just like my apartment...|||Mine is David Foster Wallace, my favorite writer. Just a singularly brilliant mind (unfortunately, he died very young). I love the look on his face in this picture, like he's trying very hard to be...'