'Have you ever successfully explained to someone that you made a mistake by being available to them, because you became their shoulder to cry on and they took advantage of your INFJ qualities?   I'm...|||She probably saw your potential. We do that a lot. Eventually we have to deal with reality. We're confused and then power plays make things confusing too. INFJ in general don't like engaging in power...|||Hi Empathia,  So I have had this same question before, and I have now read a lot about being an INFJ. I'll see if I can share some helpful thoughts.   True empathy can be hard for a lot of people...|||I believe that one of the reasons why hobbies and creative past times have endured is because it gives those of us who think these thoughts a way of feeling influential and to give these thoughts an...|||It sounds like you might be asking about two different scenarios.  Would you be friends with this person and spend time with them outside of work? Clearly not. The INFJ doorslam is well documented...|||Hi RainIsMyColour,  I learned a lot by studying logical fallacies (red herrings, strawman arguments, false equivalencies) because when people use them, I can identify them, and not take the bait as...|||What came to my mind when I read your post was: You'll need assertiveness training.   INFJs have the analytical mind, the values around justice that fit with work in this area, but you will...|||They don't mix under stress. Under stress you need to slow down. Slow the whole thing down or at least try to slow down the whole process of your Ti and Fe. Give them both time.   My advice to...|||When you are with someone who has been traumatized, they are going to want to feel safe and validated. If you can't do that, for whatever reason, don't add to their misery. Just be as kind as you can.|||Hi,  My suggestion would be to read through the threads in this website, and learn about yourself as an INFJ. You'll need to practice good self-care if you are working with people as clients....|||I can very much relate to this. I used to wonder why people talk to me so much too. Here is where I am at about this situation where people talk more than they listen when they are around an INFJ. ...|||Hi Haba Aba Daba Aba  Can you clarify? Do you mean that it is the infatuation with being an empath that can cause a problem, or are you saying that you don't think this idea of being an empath is...|||That is a great story about how you helped out that couple. Giving advice is really tricky but I'm not surprised that you nailed it as a grounded INTJ.|||Be honest and be patient. Look for signs that the person is not that mature when they are angry or frustrated. But in general, relationships are built between two people through reciprocity. Your...|||Hi sempiternal.   I am also interested in this. I've been on this site for a while so what I noticed from your post is something I have seen before in us INFJs. I'm betting there is a post of mine...|||Your situation is terribly familiar to many of us. It is not an easy experience to go through by any means. But it is an important step for you to set boundaries that are for your own health and well...|||We tend to go for actual harmony with people but in many (most?) situations that is just not possible.|||What a great post!! The other posts already hit the nail on the head and you're likely to get others posting links to good sources on further reading on this.   I'll just jump in to respond to a...|||Unless you had someone wise in your life who supported you in learning to do boundaries for your own health and well being, you grow up confused about how boundaries can create harmony, when in...|||Mum, I need you to listen to me while I talk about x.   There are so many good articles and podcasts and books about mindful listening, there are a lot of resources for her if she wants to...|||pessimistic kid Is this an issue of invalidation? Do they make you feel valued?|||To me, the idea of just letting go can be taken as this simplistic act of somehow not having something affect you anymore. I had to use my introspective skills to understand anger and loneliness....|||Going with A when one has dependent children is completely different than if one doesn't have dependent children. While they are dependent, our purpose is tied to them.|||If you are willing to sit and listen to her talk, tell her that and see what you two can do together.  If she is feeling misunderstood by the world, you're only going to be able to do so much about...|||He doesn't communicate the same way that you do. I would suggest to read up on ISTJ personalities.   Once someone is an adult, they don't want to be told how to change. I'm betting he wants to be...|||You will be able to trust again but it will take time. Narcissists take advantage of everyone, but they have the most success with people who have a lot of good inside. The good you give them is...|||Hi. Good to meet you. I read your post and here are my thoughts, as someone who has processed past traumas and come out the other side.   It takes time. It takes trust. And I don't mean trusting...|||Reminds me of the INFJ doorslam that has been discussed here from time to time.   Feeling hurt after feeling that your trust was betrayed is natural. Wanting to prevent it from happening again is...|||Well said!|||I agree with this, but I see a necessary ingredient in addition to good boundaries. The clear and friendly expression of boundaries is essential to any healthy relationship. However, I read blossom...|||Thanks for starting this post!   This seems to fit with the function stack of an INFJ.  Asking (consistently, over time) How do I actually feel, and what do I want to do with it has been an...|||Not understood by the people around me right now. Luckily, this doesn't always bother me anymore. It bothers me right now.|||And sometimes we end up alone a lot after drawing up boundaries.|||Depends on what kind of friendships you want to experience.   Some people like to keep score.   Some people want to understand others so they can experience a bond.  Some people don't believe...|||Hi. Your post made sense to me too. I used to approach the start of a friendship by helping. It has not ever worked. So for me, I have learned it is not a good place to start a friendship. Over time,...|||Those who have been here for a couple years now...do the forums go through cycles? Right now, seems like a lot of the threads being started are different from the topics and themes from 2-3 months...|||This is interesting to me. Lad or anyone else - would you want to elaborate on how some INFJs might be mistyped INFPs? This piqued my interest and I'm curious to learn from those who have studied...|||The way you write, to me, I get this vibe that, and I could be totally wrong on this, that if people really knew you well, they would get you. You seem frustrated a lot and I can't help but wonder if...|||From my perspective there is a difference between getting over it, and getting real breaks from it.   If I am understanding your OP properly, then I consider this a part of development so I don't...|||What can you do? I mean realistically, what options do you have? Can you change the feelings people have about one another? Not really. That's not how it works. If people in your group don't...|||My thoughts after reading your posts are that if it were me, I'd be reeling a bit from the experience of being taken advantage of by the professor too. I agree with  Lad that there are likely several...|||Wow. My hope is that as we move forward in society, we get more understanding of what this feels like and how we heal it. I grew up with a narcissisitic parent but without the internet, I had no word...|||If you are looking for love, that person is not going to want your projections. In the same way, you will not want to spend your relationship with them being hit with their anger because of things...|||What can be really frustrating about therapists in my opinion:  There are likely a lot of mediocre ones. I've run into a few, and stories abound all over the internet about how mediocre some...|||Finding a safe way to work with the anger you feel would be my suggestion.   You are super articulate. If you are not doing this already, have you considered writing the words that therapists need...|||I agree with Lad. Totally. My experience has been as a worrier and becoming happier with life has not decreased the quantity of my thoughts, it may have even increased them. The difference is in the...|||I started reading your long version in your original post to see what my take on your situation is.   These sound like control issues and whether fully intentional and conscious or 'pre-meditated'...|||When you doorslam someone in your family, there is usually a lot of anger misdirected at you by the bystanders.|||None of us know your mother and your sister but you have (I assume) years of experience with those two people. A part of you knows what to do with your relationship with each of those people in your...|||If a sociopath cannot chameleon himself, can he be considered a sociopath?'