'I don't hang out in Personality Cafe much any more. It seems like the majority in our forum aren't ESFJs, but rather people wanting to complain about ESFJs. Which is valid, but it becomes draining to...|||LittleMermaid  I think that's a completely fair desire/feeling on your  part. I wholeheartedly believe that everyone should be able to share only what makes them comfortable, with those they feel...|||I know a few INTJs, one of them being one of my husband's younger brothers that I've known for about nine years. We're not super close or anything, but we get along quite well. I very much understand...|||Hi Haruna  I think one thing about ESFJs that can result in the kind of fault that you're describing, is that we are very focused on what (and especially who) is in front of us. I personally do...|||Hi  cmae1186  A great way to determine your type is by researching cognitive functions. ESFJ and ENFJ are very similar in their functions, they are both Fe dominants who love being around and...|||Hmmm... Can't speak for anyone else, of course. But personally, I'm too concerned with helping those around me to be very self-victimizing. Do I feel overwhelmed because of the things I take on...|||She probably just wants to talk about her problem and has mistakenly gotten into the habit of opening with a question. I get that that would be frustrating, especially for Thinking types who want to...|||Outside of acting on the stage, that would be a no from me. I don't cry easily, nor do I try to fake emotions for any reason.|||No, I don't mind at all! I enjoy helping people and answering questions about type. :)    I know you didn't ask about this necessarily, but IME, this type of stuff is less about 'doing the right...|||Oh good, I'm glad I could help! You can thank my Si for the details. ;)      Ok, so she might need like 8-9 months to get over it... But hey, if it's already been a couple of months, it won't...|||Hi @KC  I read your post and have given it some thought. How long was she with her ex before they broke up? People typically take around half the amount of time they were in a relationship to get...|||Well, I'm 100% FeSiNeTi (coginitive function stack of ESFJ), but I've never, ever in my entire life been popular. I was one of the weird kids growing up-- partially because my family lived out some...|||Banned ESFJs? Lol how did they get banned?  I personally love ITNPs-- their TiNe combo is great-- their strengths are my weaknesses. I keep a lot of them in my life.|||I don't know about the bragging thing... I don't know that I've ever really bragged about anything TBH-- at least that I recall. When I flirt, it's pretty overt. I'd say if she's dropping hints about...|||Well, I can't speak for all of us, but I personally can't help but be friendly to people (unless they give me a good reason to behave otherwise, and even then it takes a lot). A lot of people have...|||Based on the second one, I could qualify as a nerd in a few areas of interest. There are certain things I am truly an expert in, but they aren't stereotypical nerd topics or hobbies, like computer...|||I have written a function-based ESFJ description based on cognitive functions that might help. You can find it here. The ISFJ one is in the works. I'm happy to update you when it's finalized if you...|||Still no solid definition of 'nerdy' here... I think ESFJs are prone to obsess about 1-2 interests at a time-- learn as much as possible about a topic they're interested in, which could be literally...|||Don't spend too much time alone. Do spend some time single to get over the relationship. Rebounds aren't typically too healthy, in my experience.|||I can't stand top 40 type of music, usually. Please no country, rap, most pop, etc. I like weird/unusual vocals and interesting instrumentals. Anything piano driven is great. Top favorite artists...|||I was an only child, raised by an INFP mom and INTP dad. I did whatever it took to please my parents as a kid. I was well behaved, and always deemed mature for my age. I typically had 2-3 close...|||Doing great! I hope you are, too. Thanks for the ESFJ love. Not sure there is such a thing as 'too nice', unless you mean literally not taking care of oneself at all. That's not healthy. Also, I...|||Hmmm... I suppose my first impression of you, based on your picture and username, is that you have a keen sense of humor (like most INTPs I know).  Your life... Probably work, programming (either...|||Well, like I said, I can't predict her reaction. But I would strongly recommend sitting her down (if you haven't already) and telling her that when she says things like, You're a bitch and your...|||Well, it sounds like you both have some stuff to work through. I think it might be good to sit her down when you both have a spare minute and tell her, Hey mom, I am having some issues in XYZ area....|||Happens to me all the time. I'll have this great new original idea or invention, and come to find out someone else already got there waaaay before my time. Sigh!|||When conversing with high Ne (or Ni) users and working to grow our Ne, I think the key to going on an Ne thought/conversation journey is to follow the one rule in improv comedy. I used to be a...|||8/10. I missed 6 and 8.|||I know I'm late to the party here, but I love Regina. I think she is 100% INFP, based on her music, interviews, and social media posts. She's brilliant and amazing. Sigh...|||I tend to always laugh at my own jokes. If you didn't think your joke was funny, why would you put it out there in the first place?|||Are we defining maturity based on our inner world or our external behavior? Are we talking about concrete, practical, I pay the bills on time and have savings to boot type of maturity? Are we...|||May wonders never cease.|||Honestly, I think if everyone did what they truly loved, the world could be a better place. Could it continue on running like it does now? No, probably not. But at the end of your life, would you...|||I think people should worry about their own lives and not expect so much from others. Unless someone has specifically asked for my input on their life choices, why would I say anything or try to get...|||ESFJs, in the name of balance and function development, let's post our Ne thoughts here.  I'll start:  What if there is no fiction... Just parallel universes where the stories we write exist? I'm...|||Why haven't humans evolved past needing sleep?|||Alrighty then... Not my sob story. Just a hypothesis about how ESFJs might end up in this Mean Girl persona. What I posted has nothing to do with me personally.   And this isn't a contest, and I'm...|||That's awesome that you've been friends that long! I tend to have a pretty good memory and sometimes call people out when they've remembered something incorrectly also. Though I try to keep in mind...|||Haha, yeah. But I mean, why, as an Fe dom, would you invite two people who clash that badly to the same party? Seems like poor planning! lol|||An INTP might be better at Ti, but the question is about Ti in ESFJs. It looks different when it's at a different place in the stack, serving different functions. No sense in asking an ESFJ how Fe...|||IMO, there is a middle ground there. Can't you just ignore someone you don't like? If she was outright being mean to the person she doesn't like, then that's an issue. There's no excuse for bad...|||Thanks! May I ask what prompted these questions? Curiosity, or is there an ESFJ in your life you're trying to understand better?    Oh! I see. Yes, I think that could be fascinating-- I prefer...|||Hmmm... Tough one. I would ask, does she exhibit similar behavior with her other friends that you know of? I'm married to an INTP, and we started 'talking' and then dating after a few months of that,...|||Hi the_cheshire_cat  That's quite a lot of questions! I will do my best to answer them.    First off: I love the library! If I had more time, I would go every 2-3 weeks (alas, adulting gets in...|||I was meaning that an ESFJ who acts like the bitchiest Mean Girl might have had a lot of bad influence for the majority of her life to get to a place where she ends up being the bitchiest Mean Girl....|||Welcome to the ESFJ forum! I hope I can help!   -How do you get your motivational energy to engage others?  I'm not sure how much you've studied the cognitive functions, but that is the...|||I think you make a great point here, Prada. We pay close attention to how people are thinking/feeling. If we've known someone for any length of time, we will have a pretty good idea of what to say or...|||Like I said, behavior (i.e. what you spend your time doing) is not an indicator of what type you are. A Sensor or Intuitive type is a misnomer because everyone has both sensing and intuition,...|||Hmm. I guess you could say that. To me, it is more like expressing sympathy. I don't literally feel the emotions of others, personally. I'm not a super emotional person, so I typically don't feel any...|||I love answering questions and helping people understand healthy ESFJs better!  On Ne: For me, Ne comes in when I'm speaking quite often. I may start a sentence not quite knowing what I'm going to...'