'So over three months ago, I was feeling pretty good about life. I felt I'd turned an important corner. I posted this back then reflecting my optimism:   Now I feel I've pretty much wasted the last...|||I too feel painful empathy. It's one reason I struggle with interpersonal relationships that aren't close. I tend to feel these pains quite clearly even when they're not being openly expressed,...|||Several others have mentioned trauma and how the associations can spread. I suspect this is a pattern more native to P than J types. That is, where a J type would instinctively organize and...|||Thanks mimesis. My attention has been elsewhere a lot lately, and I was in something of a hermit period in general for a few months. I probably won't be around a lot soon, either, in part because I'm...|||Please choose one of the following words that best describe you: Artistic Philosophical Caring  I feel strongly drawn to all three, but my best developed skills are probably more strongly...|||Finding myself has me feeling so lost. About a year ago, I finally decided to stop ripping myself apart inside, to make space for all of me. Within months I found myself seemingly trapped by...|||FWIW, I was thinking mixed state?! as I read this. (I don't think my moods are quite this extreme, though it's been suggested that they are by one ex, so I did a lot of reading and I was on...|||As if there's some conflict between seeing ourselves as ineffable and understood. Oh wait... :dry:  Why don't people line up to spend their lives trying to understand my enigmatic ways? Am I just...|||I, for one, am glad it does bother you. Thank you for that. It is indeed hard to imagine that people could feel so threatened by someone's identity as to consider biblical wrath upon the entire world...|||Hmm, what you're saying here seems so obviously correct that I should be able to tease apart more through reasons to describe why I feel that way within a few days.  Off the top of my head: I've...|||Oooh, I'm not the only one who sees that ESTJ side come out in certain situations then. I don't do this just because I'm stressed though, it has to be a specific kind of stress, namely when my values...|||If being intense comes naturally to you, rather than being a product of an underlying issue you want to resolve, perhaps it's best to let yourself find places where you feel more comfortable as you...|||They deserve the same respectful treatment as everyone else but were not given that. They deserve to not have been made special against their will, but it's too late for that. To fail to recognize...|||If he uses hearing aids, chances are they support T-coil, and a neck loop like the sennheiser 830-S or 840-S http://www.amazon.com/Sennheiser-SET840-S-Wireless-Assistive-Listening/dp/B002SSHVFE will...|||OrangeAppled I don't believe that the motivations I've ascribed to these categories are inherently reducible to enneagram instincts in a manner that is consistent between people. I believe that's far...|||I think I understand your point now. I added the motivation statements in an attempt to give several different perspectives on what is, in my mind, one thing. I intended those as things someone...|||A tattered flag snapped sharply in the February wind. The tide was coming in. She felt a frigid wave wash upon her toes, then pull back, desperate and longing. The urge to let the ocean take her away...|||The only reason the word group appears here is that polyfidelity is lumped here with traditional monogamy, and I couldn't find a better word for that focus. I intended nothing to do with social...|||Fascinating. What alignment do you see? If I had to guess what you mean, I'd go with SX-dom = closed committed, SO-dom = open committed, SP-dom = non committed. However, I do not, and did not believe...|||People can gradually become closer to actualizing a happier, healthier self. They cannot, however, know who they will become. If they did, they'd already be there. If you want to be someone else,...|||I seem to be in a dark place tonight.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzMKTZdkaU4  Maybe I'll redirect my anger into into sadness and despair.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPlOF6R1KWI ...|||There is an explanation in the initial post that captured what I thought needed to be said, and a fair amount of discussion with others to clarify. I'll answer any specific questions you have, if...|||He's a Superhero! When they want to interact, I tend to enjoy the dynamic, especially with someone I know. If I get a good vibe, I'll tend to let my SO side come out a bit more to set them at ease,...|||Looking over the 30 votes collected to date, which are still very thin outside of so/sx and sx/sp, there are two trends that could be significant (many more votes would be needed for confident...|||I demand to have deep and meaningful conversation before being eaten, and I will not tolerate such crudity and threats.  As for the topic at hand, I appreciate elegance, I occasionally pretend to...|||So, if so many of us appreciate the virtues of those older than ourselves (myself included, lifelong), how about those whose company we appreciate? Are we the young exceptions in their lives, or do...|||mysterie, I lost an uncle whom I was not close to, and when my dad told me, all I could think to say was: He was miserable in this world, I hope he's better off now. And that pretty much summed up...|||I have a bit of wanderlust; my ex and I lived in an RV for a year, traveling the country. We moved around a fair bit, sometimes without the faintest notion of what we were getting into, like from FL...|||Dammed if I know. I would want to ask, I might try to think of somewhere, I'd probably get lost in that and never act... *looks around her social circle* I'm not the one you want to ask for advice on...|||You are 47.2% Good.  You are 15.4% Lawful.  Alignment: Neutral Good|||sittapygmaea, that sort of thing sure leaves an impression you never get out of your bones. :'-( So sad, and so disturbing.  I stopped caffeine when I stopped tolerating it. Before that I got up to...|||Aww, that's sad. Not much left to loose then? I've had friends that I'm closer too than when I lived nearby. It could happen.    Yes! When I occasionally manage to overcome my fear, I still feel...|||I first read this as: Approach them gently, like a snack. Probably best to stick with what narfae said.|||I too get mixed feelings like this. Are all of those feelings not typical when angry? Good to know.|||I'm still unsure of my instinct stack; I keep asserting what I think is right in hopes that I'll get called out as wrong and a discussion will ensue. Alas, not yet. I can take it a step further and...|||I've wondered if it's an SX-dom thing that very intimate relationships work, and casual friends work, but in between is really difficult and feels awkward. I'm such a damn emotional intimacy whore....|||Only if you see most people that way, or assume that they will be before you know them. People are always shocked when I say things like that. I may be equivocal about most people, but there are a...|||Around the same time. I would have been in Metarie from 83-95 give or take. I was born in 81, then we moved up to Maryland briefly. I actually work with someone from Slidell of all places. Small...|||Yes, that's the one! I don't think I'll ever forget seeing Gone With the Wind there. Such a trip - that was one of the theaters it premiered in.|||sittapygmaea, May I ask what part of Louisiana? I was born in Lafayette, and lived in Metairie for much of my childhood. You brought a tear to my eye with the beautiful pictures of Oakland. I've been...|||Kuru, I also found the idea of low latent inhibition tied it all together very neatly for me. I'm very fortunate to be able to mostly shape my thinking in productive ways; a lot of my family, less...|||Paradigm, you've a wide world of possibilities open to you, and the instincts to thrive under many of them. If you enjoy that kind of communication, you may find some resources about communication...|||It's my confusion that you're picking up on, very good. :-)  Romantic relationships, and committed closed includes sexually closed. Sexual openness is an axis independent of the question. I put the...|||Whatever your instincts, following it should bring about a sense of satisfaction. If that's not happening for your instincts, perhaps depression should be considered.  Changing which instinct...|||Yeah, it sounds like the sense of dependency you're trying to escape, not the enjoyment of social connections. I think you're right that snapping those bonds just to get that sense of independence is...|||When I respond to my SX instinct, I feel energized. When I respond to my SO instinct, I feel soothed. When I respond to my SP instinct, I feel annoyed.  I see a lot of myself in   username123. I...|||I'm have a hard time relating to this, so I don't really have much to add. I have a hunch you're describing an SP-dom trait, which would explain why I'm so mystified and kinda fascinated. Thanks for...|||Great!    :happy: I feel I have fulfilled my purpose in giving you things to think about. Monogamous by choice, not by default. I kinda figure people can't choose very well if they don't actually...|||This is so very very true. There are several good books written, essentially, to handle the why and how of that.    A lot of people feel more comfortable with polyfidelity as an ideal, and I...|||That's unfortunately inevitable with the way I structured this and the limits of the poll. I've tried to make that limitation as productive as possible, but it's also possible that none of these...'