'I think despair is very dangerous here.  You say you've given up on being appreciated by him, yet you are asking us to help you do just that.  That is contradictory.  Let us be honest and call out...|||Damn, I kinda liked these stereotypes.  I really liked the phrase, gently social.  I do like being sassy and astoundingly clever, but only within the context of making people happier.  There are a...|||Agreed.  Finding a way to ensure the survival of the fourth would be the best option here.  I think your idea with the three holding onto the fourth could work though the landing would be...|||Oh it has been a very long times since I have been trying to survive.  If survival was the best this world could offer me, then I wouldn't be interested anyway.  There is only one thing that...|||I am really sorry for those of you who are feeling broken by the difficulties of your life, and if I could, I would hug you tightly, gaze deeply into your eyes, and assure you that everything will be...|||I studied Russian history and read a great deal about the times under Lenin and Stalin, both from primary and secondary sources. One true story that really sticks with me is this one from a woman who...|||Not many relationships subjected to analysis on PerCafe last very long period and so I find this criticism to be rather forced. INTJ husband and I have lasted for over a decade so far, and are still...|||I do think it is an NE gift, although I don't think we always hone it (personally, I haven't).  My dad (also ENFP) does something like you for a living--he worked as a project consultant for a wide...|||*blushes deeply* Thank you.|||Paralysis by analysis.  That is a really cute way of putting it.  Look, I totally get that you are worried, and for really valid reasons.  You'll have to forgive me a bit--or at least take my...|||LAME STRATEGY!! This just REEKS of I am not ready to make a serious commitment to her/I am too afraid of failure.  The biggest contingency you are missing here is that if you keep stringing her...|||From what I could tell, in this case, it was less about the sex and more about the safety/contingency plan. As in, Better to keep multiple options open, but only secretly so that she doesn't know,...|||OP says he did not have sex because he didn't think it right to have sex with a woman who had a boyfriend. Honestly, I cannot see how you can object here without also relinquishing integrity.   OP...|||Integrity is better found in yourself than in another.   Learn this, and you will find a woman worthwhile.  I disagree vehemently with your observation that he missed out. In my view, he only had the...|||Look, don't sleep with her.  That is the worst advice yet given on either of these threads.  I'm sorry, @Liquid Metal.  *finger flicks you in the earlobe*   @Zelakon , your integrity on that score...|||Shit, I almost thanked this post until I got to the last line.    Holy fuck, do you not see how, Sure, it's the logical thing to do to remain secure in your lifestyle (assuming you're not...|||So I thought of you yesterday: To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This  So that when you find a suitable INTJ candidate, you guys can speed things up a bit;-)  It's a fascinating social experiment of...|||You're right.  I was confusing A and B.  Haha.  I am really glad to hear your update.   I wasn't sure what to make of your conclusions in 5.  Like, I really couldn't comprehend what you meant by...|||I seem to come across somewhat punchier in my posts than intended.  I hadn't meant to accuse; more offering rebuttals to other advice you have received here which I found inadvisable.  I do think you...|||Absence of proof is pretty meaningless since you cannot disprove them either.  The most rational position would be to shrug and say, Who knows?  Somethings in the world are a matter of conviction...|||No.  I am deeply troubled by the inconsistency between your claim to seeming sincere care and concern for these men and your treating them both like crap.   If you care about B, then why are you...|||Ooh cut me to the quick, you have!  Since when have ENFPs had a reputation for dishonesty??      I saw your thread on the INTJ forum and would have replied there, but let's maintain type...|||*deleted double post*|||Word to the wise; don't mess with that shit.  Ghosts are real enough, but it isn't good because it means the soul, for whatever reason, did not pass on.  Vast majority of souls move on, most into the...|||Really? You don't think he would have been better off with Mary?   EDIT: I mean, yeah, I get it that Charlotte's actions in marrying him were rather noble and altruistic, but I always got the sense...|||Yeah, okay, fair enough. @RyanINTJ , do not be like this dude.  He was a little nuts.   Also, do no be like Mr. Collins. That guy had no swag.   I had once had a suitor (not sure what his type was)...|||Gut feelings are sometimes nothing, but sometimes they can hit the nail on the head. Personal theory is that limerence, especially if it is unusually strong (i.e. based on more than breasts or...|||I try to forgive that person. If I can do it, especially if it was a minor offense, like a snide remark or rude driving, I play a game with myself making up excuses for them.  Maybe he just got fired...|||Mindless pursuit of drunkenness and irresponsible sex seems like a pretty low bar for social skills, haha.  Frat parties in particular--no conversation required, grunts and inappropriate groping are...|||I have no idea where you heard that ENFP girls like long distance.  I hated it.  Honestly, ENFP or not, she sounds like a vampire, sucking dry your energy and emotional health.  However violent her...|||I am just trying to confirm...you are sleeping with two men at the same time?  If they find out about one another, especially them being INTJs, you are going to lose both of them... and not without...|||@ENFP_bae you may have thought I was jesting about the pretentious beer photo, but I assure you that I am not.  When INTJ husband and I entered our reception ball, he held my hand in his right and an...|||@ENFP_bae, you are adorable.  I love what you are doing and I really hope it works for you.  We REALLY DO NEED AN TYPOLOGY DATING FORUM SO ANYTIME SOMEONE WANTS TO COME UP WITH ONE, THAT WILL BE FINE...|||Catch-22: if I knew the answer to that, the enigmatic thing would be moot.|||blah blah blah...you don't understand me...  Good grief. I never set myself up as an ideal wife/girlfriend.  It's fine if you have high standards, and I applaud you holding out for your ideal...|||I want to help you.  This has been my earnest desire from the beginning.  Happiness isn't pain.   Life is pain.  Look at the pain of your own life...the pain of your parents' lives, your sister's...|||@Countryboy I see that we are mostly quibbling about small stuff here. I still think you are wrong in several smaller points, but I am satisfied that you are a decent fellow who would treat your...|||Men and women risks can be equal only if one’s ability to think logically has been compromised.  I do not pretend to know what has compromised your ability to see clearly these things, but to deny...|||I am not sure why you are saying all this—other than the thought that you are so emotionally deranged by my criticism that you have lost the capacity to process things rationally—   I am...|||Ok, coolio.   You're awesome.  A bit cynical, but    you've obviously never met me.  Hit me with your best shot.  PM if you would like.  I can handle anything. My biceps may be flabby but my...|||Hmm...I don't mean to put you on your guard.  I am simply trying to spell it out the way it is. Men and women approach sex differently, but we're still sexually compatible.     Haha... okay, so...|||I don't like all the yelling and typing and your not worth shit ting going on.  Everyone is worth a lot more than poop, so can we stop being stupid about it?  Honestly, I think all of you guys are...|||What a tragic tale.  I'm so sorry for her.  It sounds like she really needed some sexual healing in her life, and (while having an extramarital affair seems a messy way of accomplishing it) it sounds...|||Freud had a dirty mind.  He thought everything, pretty much, had to do with sex.  He was also a guy.   In this case, I concede that he may have a point.  When I ovulate, I become as horny as a...|||Haha... honestly, I think only a particular sort of mind (namely a male one) could read between the lines like this. I am sorry to disappoint, but it was most unconsciously done.   Oddly enough,...|||Hahaha, you're right that I don't really know what I want, but wrong that you can't help me.  The Ne hardly ever knows what it wants. I sort of take in all the possibilities at once an then prod each...|||You have a Christian quote in your signature, so, going with that theme, there's a difference between the sinner and the sin. Was Jesus crazy for absolving the adulteress from her sins even though...|||Originally (as in the Christmas cards), I wanted him to know that I had forgiven him and that I still cared/missed him. Read into that what you may; it was honestly meant, although, in retrospect,...|||No idea.    Thank you again for your perspective.  Honestly, I think anything I do in terms of contacting him (even Christmas cards) could be misconstrued as emotional infidelity--by him or my...|||:shocked:  Haha.  Thank you for the honesty.  Also, thank you @MisplacedElements for the emotional perspective.    Honestly, @Countryboy--we've never had sex.  We've never even kissed.  We had...'