'What you believe about me is a reflection of yourself.  How I respond to you is a realization of myself.   There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.   Everything that...|||The best way to regain a healthy orientation is to return to your auxiliary function.    I know that happens to be Ne.  I'm a bit fuzzy on Ne, but I would imagine it's about paying attention, or...|||What nice means to some people, it does not mean to other people.  For some ESFJ's nice is the highest of all virtues, to be valued more than kindness, or truth, or authenticity.    People don't...|||Ironic maybe.  You've gotta read it in the voice of Alanis Morissette .|||Yes you do.  But you do it when you think they're not going to hear it, and you do it with a trusted confidant whom you trust to understand where you're coming from, and you're usually just blowing...|||There's a very general rule of thumb that says the way that a psyche corrects itself from a negative space is by returning to a focus on the auxiliary function - in your case, Se.  What auxiliary Se...|||I look at the ISFP functional stack - FiSeNiTe - and it's almost like a perfect recipe for perceiving meaninglessness.    Dom Fi - an implacable, uncompromisable inner sense of how things ought to...|||Well, for what its worth, I'm INTJ and I'm pretty rational/intelligent, and I carry those exact same thoughts.  Not every day, not all the time, but they are always there lurking in the background.  ...|||I think framing is critical.     INTJ's are INTJ's, in part, because often there is some aspect of their life which was unpredictable, confusing, unstable, and not in a fun way.  This is often part...|||Shit, I never thought about it this way, but you're totally right.|||Dear ISFP's,  I would like to understand you better.  Would anyone be willing to read some of these articles (from an author who strikes me as an ISFP) and tell me what, if any, of the ideas or...|||I find my ESFJ has a hard time wrapping her head around the reality that I (as an INTJ) don't engage the world with the same emotional tone that she does.  FeSi seems to REALLY struggle with even...|||Now I just need to find an INTJ's view of ESFJs to understand how my dad really felt like.  I'm partnered with an ESFJ female.  And, coincidentally, I'm also pursuing a doctorate degree!    I...|||Tertiary Ne, in my experience, tends to be about negative possibilities.  Things like an unreasonably pessimistic outlook about future possibilities, fear about what will happen . . . all with a...|||ESFJ's don't lie, IME (in my experience).  If they tell you something, they genuinely believe it.  I know, I know . . . when one knows oneself from the inside, it's hard to believe someone else...|||i'm INTJ, just got engaged to an ESFJ (female).  As always, there is no such thing as an ideal type pairing - relationships come down to personal emotional health, communication skills, conflict...|||From a cognitive functional standpoint, INTJ's are motivated to think for themselves, and take action for others.    The dominant function for any type is a cognition that the individual is...|||I'll third this dynamic in INTJ/ESFJ dynamics.  My (now fiance') ESFJ used to drive me batty with all her talking.  Eventually, with enough conversation between us and enough self-analysis on my...|||Not every relationship works, or lasts.  And that's ok - just because it doesn't last doesn't mean it wasn't worth while.  Focus on yourself, and your role in the dynamic, and apply that analytical...|||Me too brother, me too.|||The correct answer would go something like this:  ESFJ Girlfriend Response: The friends who have known me for the longest know that I can be very cold and that I keep my guard up because I have...|||The correct answer would go something like this:  ESFJ Girlfriend Response: The friends who have known me for the longest know that I can be very cold and that I keep my guard up because I have...|||This is a tricky one to explain, but I'll try.    INTJ's seem to have an abnormally high drive to improve things.  Everything.  Including ourselves.  As such, we tend to both want good, objective...|||I understand this intellectually, and can even respect that way of thinking.  My primitive monkey brain says that's a batshit crazy way of thinking, bordering on sadism.  ;-)|||One possible suggestion - if you have Netflix, watch the TV series Bridezillas.  Almost to a person, all the brides are ESFJ's.  Generally young, immature, spoiled, or insecure ESFJ's, but they're...|||Another (surprising) aspect to my ESFJ in particular, and from what I've read ESFJ's in general, is a real sensitivity about their intellectual ability.  Not really sure I fully understand where it...|||ESFJ's do seem to be VERY resistant to being treated as abstractions, and this makes them very uncomfortable with psychology or being analyzed.  My ESFJ was very offended when I first told her about...|||So one of the great things about duality relationships is that they have a powerful ability to show us who we are, but maybe don't realize we're actually like that.  You need to be on guard for...|||Think of it this way: every INTJ I've ever known has the goofiest, most inane sense of humor ever.  ESFJ's are loyal enough to stay around, even in the face of a lifetime of awful puns and nerd-based...|||To answer your actual question: what should you talk about?  Whatever you feel like.  Be authentic, be sincere, don't put on an act.    I know looking from the outside that it seems like an INTJ...|||It's not a bad pair at all.  I'm proposing to my ESFJ tonight.  Don't listen to the knuckleheads on the internet.    1) There is no such thing as an ideal pair based on type.  All type tells you...|||I'm of mixed feelings about this.  Part of me feels like it's really good for an INTJ to go to the source to have first hand experience with trying to understand them.  The other part feels like the...|||Now that I know what an ESFJ looks like in human form - I appreciate how much you guys do to keep shit together.  ESTJ's get all the credit, but ESFJ's do the same thing WHILE managing the emotional...|||Interestingly, we did have some fights where I finally blew my lid, and I acted in a way that I was HORRIFIED by after the fact (honestly, even as I was doing it, but I felt completely out of control...|||I can second this experience (INTJ male living with ESFJ female).  We had some conflict for a while after we moved in together simply because her tone was received (by me) as being much more...|||The key to any type re-finding their center and regaining balance is the auxiliary function - in this case for an INTJ, that Extraverted Thinking.  He needs to (at some point) stop dwelling on how he...|||I'm INTJ in a relationship with an ESFJ.  The articles you linked to are fantastic.    My experience is that when an ESFJ gets sufficiently mad, they just stop thinking right.  I'm not trying to be...|||Emma, I'll share what I can from my own experience and personal analysis.  I'm an INTJ male, I'm dating (really, living with) an ESTJ female.  You're right, on the surface it is a TOTALLY wacked out...|||As an INTJ who has been intimately acquainted with both types, I can tell you - No.  Not at all.  They aren't even sort of close.  Just . . . no.|||I think the dynamic of the stereo type is that INTJ's have a preference for depth, with a tendency to not act enough.  ESTJ's have a preference for decisive action, with a tendency towards...|||Yeah, ESTJ's are one of the types more famous for not grasping the way they come across to other people.  The INTJ in me is sympathetic ;-)  My experience is if we want to have a satisfying...|||The ESTJ often appears confident, but they are in fact just forceful.  Highly motivated and bullheaded, and they will not quit.  But they're not driven by confidence.  They are driven by duty,...|||Let me clear up some confusions you seem to have.  First, your drive to do work that makes a difference and makes you feel like you're doing lasting, meaningful work for other people is not inferior...|||I think this is one of the defining qualities of ESTJ's, yes?  Their function stack is perfect for producing self doubt, critical internal conversations, and iffy sense of personal value.|||It depends on who you ask and how they look at it.  Type is not a quality of the individual, it's a description of patterns of cognition.  So over time, people will tend to use the same patterns. ...|||I give you permission to stay in your room until we figure out what I ought to do ;-)|||Good insight re: mommy.  I hadn't considered the inferior as the source of that strange sort of regression.  Possibly also her comfort with returning to roles she already knows and is comfortable...|||The difference between the ESTJ's inferior Fi and the INTJ's inferior Se is that for the ESTJ, the anger, self loathing, hyper sensitivity to criticism - these are the inferior Fi expressing itself. ...|||Well then.  Responding in random sections, in no particular order. Here goes . . .   -Systems are systems.  INTJ's are good at systems.  Whether that's understanding and making sense of a complex...|||Actually, I've heard that.    Theology is just another system, and once an INTJ wraps his/her head around human emotionality, the ability to combine subjective faith to objective theology and...'