'Thanks for the support, but I'm an idealist and I have to believe the world can change. :)|||Yes, I agree, and I've told this person already.  But it's not just this one person, it's a societal issue.  I've lost friends I've known since we were kids, with no romantic chemistry, once they got...|||The majority of society has this misplaced idea of fake honor that only your romantic partner should receive all your serious emotional attention.  But everyone has a need for multiple connections. ...|||FlaviaGemina Right, so your situation is completely irrelevant to this conversation, since your facts are different and  your comment isn't on point at all.  She doesn't know we're friends, that's...|||It's about acknowledging the fact that they exist and that they are important to you, and not hiding the fact that you are spending time with them.  I never said anything about being friends with...|||Believe it or not, I actually just helped save someone's marriage.  A married woman friend of mine (perhaps ISTP) had been struggling with feelings for a single man.  She kept comparing the two men,...|||Coincidence, correlation, and causation are not the same thing--these are mathematical and scientific concepts which you are muddying with the word link.  I made the job decision based on my...|||Thinker types like to fall back on the argument that they are making rational decisions.  Studies actually show that for the most part, most people make decisions with emotions and then justify them...|||The concern some INTJs expressed was faux and sham, just a disclaimer to cover up the condescension they thought was warranted by their fantasies built on facts that never happened.  I never said...|||That may be the unfortunate state of how things are, but the ideal use of a forum like this is to promote understanding and learning, not to promote vicious pack mentality. ...|||The problem with what you just posted is that--once again--someone in this thread, usually an INTJ, simply made up facts that they imagined in their head and then drew all kinds of convoluted...|||Every action a person takes is a vote for the future they envision.  When faced with ignorance and small-mindedness, it's always a tough call whether you should try to say something (because how else...|||It relates to the part of your post that suggests that I as an INFJ shouldn't go around trying to figure out what people are thinking and what might work out best for everyone, that it results in...|||I wanted to add to my last comment, but you had already responded.  If the three INFJs I described were trying to deal with a situation, we would all be asking the same question--what is the best way...|||INFJs also think about implications.  But every day (as people and not robots) we make judgments as to how much risk is acceptable.  We jaywalk.  We take emotional risks.  We take business risks,...|||For most of this thread, written 1.5 years ago, I did think he was an INTJ because before I got to know him, he told me he made decisions based on thinking and not feeling.  But later, he said,...|||I sat in a corner and had it on my screen for a minute.  I didn't leave it open.  He unexpectedly stopped by at the end of the day.  Why be so judgmental.  The reason people open up to INFJs is we...|||INFJs treat everyone with care and sensitivity.  I just meant that because she was senior to him, he looked to her for direction.  If anyone is at fault here, it's the INTJ manager for (1) being rude...|||One of the things I love about this person is that he is constantly thinking about the implications of what he is doing/saying, and makes efforts to correct course--e.g., I did this and I realize it...|||Epilogue:  Because I worked with this person, he accidentally saw this thread on my computer screen, and I think he secretly read the whole thread, and seemed very sad about it the day after, maybe...|||Ok yes, the alpha and beta thing may be a bit crude and maybe reflects a Goldilocks issue on my end.  I was a girl who was raised to be the prodigal son, so it means I'm not heteronormative, and the...|||Thanks for trying to share your insight in a non-judgmental way.    I don't know if the other person has any emotional issue at all.  I had sensed that he was flirting a bit.  I was a little...|||Thanks for your understanding.  He didn't invite me to his house, but our other coworkers had parted for the evening and he indicated his intent to continue walking with me towards our homes in the...|||Again, you're conflating sex/romance/love/marriage.  If my partner wants to get to know someone platonically, because that person has something genuine to show him about life, I would let him do...|||Rough edges (i.e., blunt honesty) are fine.  The nastiness I have seen in this forum does not equal rough edges.  It's just narrow-mindedness and lynch mob mentality.|||I appreciate that you are trying to sound agreeable, but I also get that your sense of self relies heavily on what other people think of you (in this case, the INTJs in this forum), and there's also...|||One of the strengths of Ni is the ability to see the same thing from different angles.  It actually is not logically inconsistent for me to say that I think marriage is outdated, yet I will respect...|||It's fine to disagree with people.  It's not fine or productive to say, I disagree with you, therefore you are a terrible person [this second half is a personal attack and in violation of PerC...|||OP:  Hey INTJs, what do you think of this? INTJs (mostly ISTJs and undeveloped INTJs without a lot of life experience):  I dunno and I'm not going to try to digest the facts in your wall of text,...|||[QUOTE=Dizzy4;25476914]See this is another problem. You somehow assume that my asking you to value this guy's marriage relationship, is a reflection of my view of the world. I said nothing about my...|||Good relationships don't fuck up.  They confront the complexities of life honestly.|||No one's talking about a casual relationship.  I take all my relationships seriously and believe in them more than anyone else does.  That's why, as I said earlier, my significant exes are all...|||He didn't run away b/c I was creepy.  I said he approached me with his work problem, ran away in embarassment, I addressed his work problem, he was appreciative, I thought of some more things later,...|||You have a very static view of the world.  Life is more complex than that.  Most people didn't believe in gay marriage, then they did.  People who didn't believe in it talked to people who did and...|||Thanks, I read your additions.  I don't think it was too harsh--I can handle a lot.    So, I don't think I actually want marriage for myself.  It's a historical institution that was instituted when...|||Thanks for this.  Again, I don't want anything sexual or romantic!  I actually have had genuine friendships with married men in front of their wives.  Where their wives read the emails and chats and...|||Thanks for the kind post and insights.  It's true that I'm awash with emotions.  That's my natural state.  It doesn't bother me.  Nor does a little bit of suffering bother me.  I'd rather have a...|||I don't really want to have anyone.  Nobody owns anyone.  I don't ever want to own anyone.  That's not the goal.  The goal is to have an honest exchange with someone.  You let them see into your...|||I do in fact have an online dating profile.  I got thousands of messages last year and didn't want to date any of them.  Nor do I want to date this man, which should be clear from my post right above...|||But everyone has a limit of understanding, regardless of type.  I'm acknowledging my limit, I'm asking about others' limits.  I'm interested about the frontier, what does it feel like there.  INTJs...|||I appreciate your detailed thoughts.    Morality:  I do believe in morality.  What I've learned the hard way, though, is that romance/sex/love are not all bundled together in one person for a...|||I don't actually consider us friends yet, that's the funny thing.  What I've learned is that people mean different things with the same word.  When an ISTP says change, they don't mean dig to...|||Good point that different people see that line differently.  I understand that a lot of INTJs who read this will see that line very differently from me, but I'm asking readers to use their Ni to look...|||There are people who live in the center of their comfort zone, and others who like to live on the edge of it.  If you stay in the center, you will never cross boundaries, but you will also never...|||Well neither of us are comfortable with work.  On my end, because meaning lies in authenticity and relationships and that's not the kind of place where we work.  We work for a pragmatic,...|||I'm deleting this for privacy reasons--I posted some facts to get some insight, but they're mainly being ignored, my questions are not being answered, and I'm getting personal attacks.|||It turns out one of my new co-workers is an INFJ (he thinks he's an INTJ, but I'm pretty sure he's an INFJ), and I've never met anyone like him.  He's quiet and accommodating (more agreeable than I...|||If I had said ENTJ women, which types of men do you prefer to date? that would actually be more exclusionary, implying that women only/must date men.  It's too bad you felt it was narrow-minded of...|||I started this thread b/c I don't fit into a heteronormative role.  But I'm straight, so I only speak for my experiences.  I spoke about my challenges with intergender relations--those between men...|||What you are saying sounds reasonable and makes sense in theory, but like you said, there are differences among ISTPs.  Mine made time in the beginning--a couple of times a week--and neglected his...'