'I agree - they're waiting for affirmation from you (nodding, smiling, asking a relevant question), to check that you're really interested and reacting positively.   I think introverts in particular...|||Hmm, this is my specialist subject. I've got so much to say about ENFJs! For some reason, my family is full of them - my mum, sister, daughter and niece are all tested ENFJs. I also have suspected...|||What struck me on reading this article was the author's hypocrisy. He was angry that his ex put her own needs before his and imposed her own preferred method of ending their relationship. Yet that's...|||Revenge is personal. Justice is impersonal.|||I'm emotional, and drawn to raw, powerful emotions. But I'm repelled by gloopy sentimentality.  My Dad, an INTJ, isn't emotional at all and is repelled by emotions. But he can be soppily...|||I am an INFJ, and my sister is an ENFJ. She is shier and more self conscious than me in many ways.   When I talk to people for the first time, I appear confident as I am more interested in what I...|||I'm an INFJ married to an ISTJ. We celebrate our 20th anniversary next month!  The things I like about our relationship are the ones you have already identified. He lets me be me, and has never...|||This makes me certain that I use Ni - I always feel I'm bringing theories/ideas together and driving towards a unifying answer.  Thank you for this explanation!|||Could I just put a word in for ENFJs?   I believe they can offer a balance between the intellectual and the emotional. In my experience with family and colleagues, they are deeply sensitive people...|||Yes, it makes complete sense.   Sorry, I hope I didn't make you feel it's your fault. It's just what helped me. I confess I still feel like you, just not quite so badly as before.   I'm not sure...|||I just wanted to welcome you, and sympathize. I'm so sorry to hear you feel lonely.  If it helps at all, I frequently feel isolated even when surrounded by people. I've always had a sense of being...|||Exactly. It's when my Ni takes over and I'm processing inside my head. Though sometimes I stare in a different way, when someone interests me and I'm analyzing them, picking up every detail and...|||I would identify with that. I have an ability to sound like I know what I'm talking about without in-depth study or knowledge. It's an ability to pick out key concepts and terms, and connect them up...|||Yes, I also work with a guy who I think is ENFP. When we discuss things, he will bounce ideas around and churn out loads of random possibilities. It's fun and I love to hear them, but can't always...|||Well, assuming I am a Ni-dom, 1 would describe using Ni as a very intense processing feeling.   It's not an active process or a choice. It feels as though it is controlling me. It hungers for...|||By the way, I also do the stare thing without moving my eyes at all, when I'm focusing on one specific idea and developing it.|||I usually test as INFP, but feel I identify more with descriptions of Ni-Fe than Fi-Ne. But I'm not completely certain.  My daughter pointed out the other day that when I'm in my own world, sifting...|||Hmm. I understand your frustration, but, speaking for myself and my friends, I really don't agree that girls prefer bad lads to nice guys. Not true. I am not attracted to direct and assertive...|||Thank you for this. It touched me, as I have similar feelings about my relationship.   And I feel the same way about ENFJs as you do about INFJs. I think we really do get each other, and are much...|||Yes, it's true. ENFJs can always see your intentions, and are the most accepting and forgiving of people.|||I worry because he is easily hurt. He knows I see into him, so if I get it wrong, it does more damage. Thank you for the reassurance! It means a lot.|||Thank you! I think loneliness is something ENFJs and INFJ/Ps have in common.|||That's interesting.   I have been working closely with an ENFJ guy for the past few years - I am sort of his boss, in a role where I am supporting him. I am always trying to work out what he...|||A close friend recently said she finds me calm and anchoring.  How do I manage to project that, when there's such a vortex of thoughts and emotions inside? Beats me. It made me feel a bit of a...|||Thank you so much. I've been a bit low lately, and it was uplifting to read your post. It brought a tear to my eye!  I'm so lucky that my life-long best friend is an INFP. I owe so much to her...|||I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling, and just wanted to send you some support.  As an INFJ, I have the same problem as you are describing. I am very used to being the person who supports...|||Sorry, I didn't follow your distinction between righteous and other killing. I assume most people would seek to justify capital punishment, self-defence, war etc, as righteous? What did you mean...|||Eh? Obviously, I'm all in favour of non-righteous killing. The more the better. :rolleyes:|||I firmly believe there is no such thing as righteous killing. It's a contradiction in terms. And no life is more valuable than any other.  Simple as that.|||John Keats and Fanny Brawne. I cried so much watching Bright Star that I hyperventilated. So, so sad, and one of the most beautiful poems ever written.  Also, the love stories in Atonement, and The...|||I'm still thinking about this. It must be hard to be rebuffed when you're just trying to help and comfort someone.   Try to understand that we build up walls to protect ourselves, because we find...|||In fact, I wonder if it's a Fe thing?   I've noticed that I and my ENFJ family and friends are far more comfortable focusing on other people's feelings. I think it can be hard for us to even know...|||For me, I generally manage my feelings myself, and rarely need help. Deep down, I feel compelled to be emotionally strong and independent - partly as a defence, and partly because I feel my role in...|||Could I offer some suggestions from a female perspective?   It pains me to see guys over-thinking things, and tying themselves in knots about how to behave to get a girl. I mean, you'd thing we...|||...so if there's something you'd like to try, ask me, I won't say no, how could I?|||Me too. I talk out loud to myself all the time as I walk round the house. It's a running commentary of what's going through my mind.  I try not to do it in public. But I will sometimes smile, laugh...|||No judgement here.   My mum and sister are both ENFJs. My mum is elderly now, and when she was very ill recently, confided in me that she had had an affair with a man she met at work for - wait for...|||For me, I have always expected myself to put other people's feelings first. It's like - my purpose in life is to listen to other people and help them. It feels wrong to add to their burden by talking...|||I feel I have only come into my prime in my 40's. I feel so much more capable, emotionally and physically. I'm also far more confident socially. Perhaps my Fe has taken this long to develop properly?...|||Descriptions of the INFJ personality usually refer to avoidance of conflict. However, I don't find that entirely accurate about myself.  People generally describe me as calm and gentle. This is...|||I really treasure the ENFJs in my life - my mum, sister, daughter, friends, and a close colleague. All so different, but I can see the similarities.  What I admire most is the way you throw...|||By the way, this is a really interesting thread - I've never even thought about boredom before.   I feel lucky to be so self sufficient. If nothing else, it makes me undemanding and saves money! I...|||Never bored.   Even when I'm waiting in a queue, or doing a tedious task like housework, my brain completely entertains itself. I always have an ongoing stream of thoughts and analysis going on up...|||Mum: ENFJ Dad: INTJ Sister: ENFJ  I can see how I'm a combination of my mum and dad's personalities. My dad and I have amazing Ni debates and arguments (though he has a habit of reducing me to...|||I'm close to a lot of ENFJs (mum, sister, daughter, friends). I think they value me because I can give them what they give to other people - I listen, and give them the time and individual attention...|||I also believe in unconditional love. On one level, I have an outer layer of unconditional love towards everyone I know and meet, towards humanity in general.  On a deeper level, I develop truly...|||No, I don't think it's wrong to seek balance in a partner.   I consider myself to be a whole person - I'd say I was independent and strong, and that I know and like myself. But that doesn't mean...|||Sorry to hear the criticism is hurting you.   I think INFJs can often be perfectionists towards themselves. Although we can be tolerant and non-judgmental towards others, when we're in a...|||So sorry to hear that - it must have been very painful for you.   I can imagine that INFJs can become cruel like this is when they're frightened. I agree, she's subconsciously driving you away to...|||Her behaviour makes complete sense to me as an INFJ too.   When she was first getting to know you, she was pursuing the wonderful connections she feels. But now it has become more serious and...'