'Ah, not really. I'm an outgoing introvert as well and I make acquaintances by the dozen wherever I go. But to become my FRIEND someone has to have an extraordinary connection (although this...|||Well, there's some room between 'talking about my interests' and 'talking about their problems over and over again', right? Like talking about their interests, your problems, new problems, stuff you...|||I'm not very good at reaching out to my friends either. Mostly for different reasons, though (overwhelmed, feeling like I have to finish work things before moving on to play things, lack of alone...|||(Hi, barging into your interesting thread!)   It seems to me that there's a difference in definition of 'understanding' going on here that gives rise to a dash of annoyance on both sides.   Of...|||I've only been with two men in my life but both times I went from 'Hi, I'm attracted to you' to heavy petting in one evening. I met the last of those two men when I was 17 and I've been with him ever...|||Oh wow. I don't often read stuff that makes me jump out of my skin with anger, but you hit the jackpot! I can forgive all kinds of hurt in relationships when it's done out of clumsiness and good...|||My advice: stop framing it as an 'efficiency' issue and start framing it as a 'I don't know exactly why I want this but I really want this and if you could do me this huuuge favour I'd be ever so...|||You're putting the cart way, way before the horse.   Don't doorslam your parents.   Just move out. Take your distance in a natural way. Breathe.    The relationship between parents and adult...|||In the cases where I reached out to people after a fight, I definitely wanted something from them!  Either: a) To resume the friendship. Probably on a slightly different basis than before, but I'd...|||I'm also an E4 INFJ, but here's my take.    Girl:Check out the conversation on this Facebook picture! (link) Translation: Here's something cool/funny/amusing I think you'd like. (Overture, bid...|||@AriesLilith's position IS logical, though. All dogs pose a certain risk around kids. That's why dog trainers and dog therapists always recommend never to leave your dog and kid (under 10) alone...|||BlueSeven,  Nope, don't think so. I could keep up with the best of them in terms of smarts, dedication and overview. Counting cells made me want to cry, but that's probably more inferior Se....|||Didn't want to make it sound more dire than it is! 90% of the time, we're fine. He's generally a sweet, responsive, responsible man who tries his best to keep in mind the differences between us and...|||Morphyous,  I know it's not easy for him. I try not to ask it of him often. Of the Alone Time (nobody around), Together Time (focus on each other) and Companiable Time (be in the same room, but...|||I'm an INFJ married to an ISTJ. I tend to want to ask him 'why?' when he says he loves me. Not because I want to mindfuck him or don't believe I'm worthy of love, but because Words of Affirmation is...|||I was a research scientist for a while (molecular biology without any link to poor widdle children, so not a touchy feely topic at all) and I enjoyed it a lot. Science is awesome - excellent workout...|||@snail,   I think a large part of what I dislike about being a Four is the constant cognitive dissonance that resides in everything. EVERYTHING has this 'beautiful passion' associated with it. It's...|||Whenever I read short enneagram descriptions, the 4 still strikes me as the most negative, horrible thing. The descriptions of 4s in the throes of negativity make me sick, and the descriptions of 4s...|||I'd definitely talk to the teacher and perhaps even find my kid a new school.   That educational model makes me sick.  They shouldn't be punished for being wrong, they should be rewarded for...|||I think it's offensive to want to change a person's core values. Furthermore, I think you can't. ;)   I also think that nobody has 'bad' core values. Just bad ways of trying to reach those core...|||Like many here, I don't particularly mind people HAVING weaknesses. What I can't stand is people not finding ways to deal with a weakness.       If you have a bad knee and can't run, it's your...|||Just read about the break-up a second before intending to post my long analysis. Sorry to hear.|||INFJ (type 4) woman married to an ISTJ (dunno Enneagram type) man, here. Been together for 12 years now. Not always happy. the types do clash, but I consider our marriage a success. (If you look...|||(Writing from a US perspective.)   'Combat roles' is a red herring. With modern warfare, people in 'non-combat' roles are still very likely to see combat (because supply lines or camps or bases...|||If you want to make me learn something I'm not particularly interested in: - make it interesting (tie it to intriguing questions, show me talks by enthusiastic people, tie it to something I AM...|||I watch foreign films all the time. Films from my own country, the Netherlands, are generally horrible. ;)|||It IS a homeostatic process. But like any real homeostatic process, it's not a 'battle.' Your body isn't locked in an eternal homeostatic battle between dehydration and low blood osmolarity - it...|||Maybe it happens with growing older (29, ahem), but I can only remember one party in the last 5 years which bored me stiff, and that was just because everybody knew everyone and nobody was interested...|||Anyone with really awesome skills (provided that having their memories means having their skills, or at least means that it's easier to 're-learn' the skills with a new body).  So, anyone around...|||RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.|||Love sleeping, just don't like going to bed at night. (Or getting up in the morning, but that's mostly because I wake up roughly if I don't sleep enough, which happens a lot because I don't like...|||I like that I understand myself better and that it gives me permission to be who I am while still getting on my case if I'm being unhealthy about it. There's a difference between being berated for...|||Sounds like you, for one, are in the right emotional space to listen to him. Good on him that he approached you to talk!  Just keep a tight rein on your adaptabilty, OK? It's one of the beautiful...|||Answering your final question: Yes, I think all INFJs are doomed to regularly have very unhappy moments. I had one with my husband yesterday - I did something that accidentally caused him physical...|||No, intense doesn't really relate to 'meaningful.' It just means that you have feelings, not that these feelings are particularly healthy or constructive or meaningful or moral or welcome. In fact,...|||Seems like standard behaviour for an INFJ who needs something, has tried all the non-drama-queen ways she knows of getting it, and has reached the end of her rope and is flailing desperately.  My...|||You say you're an INTJ. If you really want to become a good friend, use your strengths of intuition (being able to look at this situation from different points of view) and thinking (planning,...|||Don't send those letters.   Really, don't.   By all means write them if they make you feel better, but they're almost guaranteed to make her feel worse, and destroy any chance you have for...|||I have heard the same thing.   For me, it's about the way language is woefully inadequate to express all the different details, view points, factors, premises, histories and reasonings that go into...|||Interesting! I'll try.  1. As I understand it, having Extraverted Feeling (Fe) means that you to some extent take on as your own the values (and needs) of a group. Assuming that is correct (and if...|||Agreed with the others.  I only doorslam when I've given people a hundred chances and all my best skills in trying to bring up subjects and make myself understood. And they consistently not only...|||It seems this conversation is going on at different levels. Here's what I think about the levels I can identify. Warning: very long. Ignore at your own discretion. ;)   Meta:  Is this entire...|||So, let me get this straight.  In the OP, you said you were hella annoying to him for about 5 minutes straight. He apparently found it annoying enough to want to leave.  Most of this is...|||Hi guys,  INFJ from Utrecht reporting in.  I love the idea of a meet-up, but unfortunately this month I'm a little strapped for cash and time, so I'm afraid I can't make it. (This whole week is...|||I don't have any experience with romantic break-ups, but extrapolating from other types of break-ups (friendships, jobs, roommates, schools) I think one of two things would happen:  - If I break up...|||I test INFJ, and sometimes it can really freak me out if I can't get a read on people.  I don't mind people having secrets, I don't mind people being upset about something and not wanting to tell...|||Got a reminder e-mail about this thread, and then I noticed I never responded to your last post, lirulin. Sorry about that.  First off, I was struck by something you wrote to teddy564339    ...|||Yup, information sponge here. Things are just SO interesting!  I'm not a fan of random information, though - when a subject catches my eye, I dive into it sort of systematically, looking up...|||I never dreamt of marriage, kids and house.   I have, however, always wanted to be more grown-up than I actually was - to have the freedom and responsibility to make my own decisions and arrange my...|||For me, I can only jump ship when I've exhausted all the possibilities to make things better, either because I tried them and they failed or because I know I can't find the resources to pull them...'