'I agree that these are quite broad generalizations.  But maybe with a flavor of truth.  In my life, I am polite, friendly and kind, but not exactly bubbly or warm.  I kind of relate to your...|||Love is still uncomfortable for me sometimes too.  The risk of loss is scary.  The only way out of the fear/anxiety is through.  You have to tolerate the negative emotions and sit with them, not...|||I think that is good.  You have to trust that you will make the right decisions for you.  I also was in a relationship with a guy once who told me he spent more time with me than anyone else.  But...|||Thank you for your gentle correction and a valuable point, to correct my very heteronormative views and experience. My gay friends (women and men) have told me that online dating is often a more...|||Don't want to derail thread, but quick response.  Actually, it was surprisingly not entirely terrible.  That being said, I think there is more value in meeting people in the real world.  I think I...|||I'll through another wrench into this very amusing thread, by tossing out the fact that I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE - men and women - COMPLAINING ABOUT DATING SITES.   Dating sites suck.  They really...|||I've learned as I get older, that if you are at the stage where you are not totally happy with the relationship, but asking all of these questions, wondering if something could be different (him,...|||Just get out of it, anyway you can.  Gaslighting is a really powerful form of emotional manipulation.  There are many skills to counteract it and retain a sense of sanity, but ultimately...|||I've had this.  I think it's because we see past people's pathologies, baggage, hurt, sickness, projections and defenses.  I have dealt with very unhealthy people.  And even when they lash out at us,...|||I am generally affable and go along to get along.  But cross my values mofo?  Hurt someone I love?  Step too far one hundred times too often after being duly warned?    It's a verbal assault. ...|||So I love the dance-punk band The Rapture, and saw them live twice, and then I read that the lead singer had a conversion experience after the death of his mother and converted to Catholicism.  Their...|||5x2 = 10 bpm.  That was after adjusting my breath speed based on Vivid Melody's post.  Before that it was 6 bpm.  I also have low body temp. 97.2 average, and really low blood pressure (approx....|||My husband LOL'ed so hard when I followed traffic and stopped at all the traffic lights in Grand Theft Auto.  He was like, are you SERIOUS!?!?!?    I mean, he's right. I entirely missed the point...|||I relate to both of these posts.  I had a friend I felt like I was always there for.  She would come to be with her problems and ask me for advice, and I would share my feelings honestly.  In...|||I relate.  I doorslam more often than I would like.  It's not a disconnect or emotional shut down.  It's not a disconnect of empathy.  I agonize, and hem and haw, and spend quite some time thinking...|||Not jealous; not envious.  When i was younger i would be.  I think age and experience has changed me.  I'm 32 and plan to get much, much older.  I love life.  I think I am at the point of...|||This is what I would call a secular hymn, but the first time i heard it I wept.  I could not find a better recording quality online:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsF37YQAtgk|||If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”~St. John of the Cross  I abandoned and forgot myself, laying my face on my Beloved;  All things...|||Fievel - that was absolutely beautiful.  Thank you for sharing.|||Nailed it in far fewer words that I ever could!|||Enjoy my coffee while browsing PerC with my dog and my kitty cat snuggled up next to me.  Oh wait, that IS what I'm doing.  What I SHOULD be doing, is writing this legal brief I have to do.  :(|||My religion/spirituality is a work in progress, i think!  I've always felt spiritually connected somehow.  When I walk into sacred spaces, Churches, Temples, Forests, I have always felt a deep...|||What I think is strange, is how I think that I am always so RIGHT in the moment, and seeing things SO CLEARLY.  And then I mature, and grow a bit more, and another year passes, and I look back and...|||This was very beautiful and well-stated.  I am beginning to explore my faith seriously for the first time in my life, and this resonated with me.  Sunshine Boy - One of the most interesting concepts...|||Faunae - thank you for your thoughtful and illuminating response. I've read a lot about BPD, because of my friend and also because I suspect my mother is undiagnosed BPD, so I'm sympathetic to the...|||Thanks for your response.  I don't think your situation with your friend and my own are quite parallel, but respect that your experience has formed your opinions.    Prior to the past year, this...|||So... update (if anyone cares... maybe I am writing this because it feels therapeutic).  I have decided to end my friendship with this ENFJ.  Long story short, I got married last weekend and had...|||It is dreary and rainy, which I ordinarily don't mind, but WHY IS MY OFFICE SO COLD!!! I need mittens in here!  Holycrow I can't believe I'm married.  That's weird and new.|||Well, there's nice guys and then there's NICE GUYS.  I don't think the latter nice guys - the ones who complain about getting friend-zoned all the time, etc., are really that nice.  I dated a...|||1. Most of my clothes are covered with dog & cat fur. 2. I love to write. 3. I'm tolerant and loving, but past a certain point, I will doorslam. 4. I'm obsessed with listening to music and...|||Less than in her feminist work.  She acknowledges the societal limitations and expectations that constrain male authenticity, vulnerability and expressions of genuine love.  We read a passage...|||I sort of intuit if I think I can connect with someone, and try to get deeper with them if I think I can.  It's not a snobby thing I don't think.  I had a friend who was an uneducated guy, INFP,...|||You know that fantasy you have?  The one where you bump into your ex-lover,  Completely impromptu of course, but (of course)  your hair looks amazing.    Oh what the hell let's get a drink. ...|||shakti - this is very, very helpful.  I'm going to try to be more attentive, and hope we can compromise on the other stuff.  I think I can keep track of my boundaries, and if it gets really...|||Thank you shakti.  To give more balance to my initial post, which was one-sided, her primary criticism of me is that she thinks I'm selfish and that I don't engage with her enough. I do get flighty...|||Some notes from bell hooks's book, All About Love, which I think is awesome and highly recommend. (All notes borrowed from a reviewer on GoodReads).   -it is much easier in our world to discuss...|||I did!  We nailed it!  We're getting married next month.  I was taking a dating break and just kinda being by myself, and I was out with girlfriends, and he was so cute drinking his beer by himself...|||Hi ENFJs,  I've never come here before, but find myself in need of some good advice in dealing with a very close friend.  Our friendship has become very strained, and I would like to salvage it,...|||I think the potential is there.  But a wounded INFJ could also be very anxious and withdrawn.  Fearful.  I used to be meaner.    With age and more balance, the small stuff doesn't sweat me...|||I read an article in a magazine recently about the whole Do what you love thing.  Then, I read another article in a liberal, pro-tolerance Christian magazine I sometimes look at (because I'm in...|||Adderall.|||[looks around]  Wow it's been a while.  So what have I missed?    I feel like I've flown a light year since I've been here.|||I mean, yeah... probably not.    But the drugs work.    Full disclosure - I was a flighty kid but did really well in school, so never got a diagnosis.  I was diagnosed as an adult, but I still...|||This one usually does the trick (paraphrased from actual conversation with NT boyfriend):  NF:  Yeah, sure... I believe in God.  I mean... not like God-God but sure, God could be an arbitrary...|||Love - as an action, not a feeling.  To act always lovingly, including with self-love... knowing that sometimes the most loving thing to do in a situation is not necessarily painless.  Integrity -...|||- cuddles with someone I really connect with (not just any hug, or empty cuddles) - better if cuddles involve the cat and dog (pack hug!) - hiking outside with my boyfriend and our pup -...|||I can flirt in a coy, banter-y way, but it's not really me.    Flirting for me (strong INFJ) = eye contact + awkward smile.  THEN it's deep, honest, interesting conversation.  So not really...|||I'm dating an INTP now (but cognitive functions test also revealed strong Ni and Fe - in fact, first cognitive functions test was indeterminate), and I couldn't be happier.  His thinkiness balances...|||Unfortunately, no, but I wish I could.  I've noticed that I may not be able to read someone clearly (grasp their underlying motives, reasons for behavior, exactly where they are coming from), but...|||My boyfriend and I went upstate with our puppy, and the pup got some good outdoor time and puppy playtime with other dogs, and he was really happy.  And we celebrated family birthdays and hiked...'