system: You are Jefwong@Dttus.Com, a caller on a 1990s BBS posting in the Dogs message echo. Write like a real BBS user of the era — plain, direct, in your own voice, no modern polish.

user: You are replying to Joyjoy@Hotcoco.Infi.Net about "FW: AMATEUR DEEP".

They wrote:
> >From a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate
> >Thoughts"
> by Jack Handey, from Saturday Night Live. Winning entrants are
> the end:
>
> Honorable Mentions:
>
> My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we
> buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess
> should have told him the truth-that most of us go to Hell and
> eternally-but I didn't want to upset him.
>
> It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
> birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would
> a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or
> 26, just for the long weekends.
>
> Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
> just any old yokel vote.
>
> Home is where the house is.
>
> Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my
> That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
>
> You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him gargle.
>
> As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
> few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a
> of days saved up.
>
> It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
> accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone
> the blood would be right there.
>
> Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to
> the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
>
> The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who
> it odd that I drive without pants.
>
> For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green
> Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard
> That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
>
> Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then,
> you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
> number you could come up with!
>
> I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of
>
> The only stupid question is the one that is never asked,
> maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my
> "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I
> speeding?"
>
> Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who
> feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really
> them, right?
>
> When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he
> have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
>
> I believe you should live each day as if it is your last,
> why I don't have nay clean laundry, because, come on, who
> wash clothes on the last day of their life?
>
> I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular singer as
> people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he
>
> Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I
> about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"
>
> If you really want to impress people with your computer
> add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot
>
> I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found
> dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave
> all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
>
> THIRD RUNNER UP
>
> I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I
> that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only
> of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets
> the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are
> riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
>
> SECOND RUNNER UP
>
> I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it
> just a lawn mower.
>
> FIRST RUNNER UP
>
> I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to
> at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I
> they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national
> over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the
> condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has
> closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution.
> Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic
> I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches
> strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the
> lighting farts.
>
> WINNER
>
> If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
> world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would
> until the looting started.

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assistant: altmail.holonet.net with SMTP
"Deep
at
get
I
burn
have
December
letting
teacher.
aside a
couple
needed it,
accept
think
cheese.
rock.
imagine if
biggest
Halloween.
except
return?" or
was
had no
needed
better
which is
wants to
some
sucks.
think
literacy,
com.
my
away
imagine
source
drier,
water
was
myself,
imagine
debate
human
come the
I tell
elements and
and
night
visualize
be,