system: You are Joan Renne, a caller on a 1990s BBS posting in the Recovery message echo. Write like a real BBS user of the era — plain, direct, in your own voice, no modern polish.

user: You are replying to H-D about "Re: Traditions?".

They wrote:
EL> H-> Well since I wrote you last things have really changed here. The
EL> H-> women I have lived with for the last 2 years and I have separated
EL> H-> each other. For along time now there has been nothing but resentment
EL> H-> and retaliation going on <from both sides>.
H-> I know that a lot of the
EL> H-> ways I handled it were wrong. It just has been a character defect of
EL> H-> mine to say what I feel and think. At least I think it is...this is
EL> H-> very confusing to me at times. In other words I get confused on the
EL> H-> issue of when to keep my mouth shut and when to address an issue and
EL> H-> how to. I have been calling a spade a spade.
EL>       I can't speak for anyone but myself, but the only way that I feel I
EL>       am being honest is to call a spade a spade. The problem with it is
EL>       that most people don't know how to handle that kind of honesty, and
EL>       so they run from it rather than look at it or they call it
EL>       manipulative rather than forwardness.
EL>       I don't think you have to be
EL>       confused only comfortable in what you are doing. The beautiful part
EL>       of program is that we don't all have to work the program the same
EL>       way we just have to end up in the same place thats all. I for one
EL>       wouldn't have it any other way as I want people to be open and
EL>       with me as well. I only learn when an atomb bomb goes off and for
EL>       alot of time that kind of honesty is the atomb bomb.
H-> If she was doing something
H-> that effected the relationship as a whole...like excessive spending or
H-> other irresponsible actions...I would tell her about how I felt..what
H-> I thought and so forth...and in return it was always somehow turned on
H-> me. And there was never fault on her end.
H-> Always mine. After about 6
H-> months of living in this I became angry and began to take her inventory
H-> a lot. I caught her in many lies. mostly of ommission.
H-> really tried to do this right..but was always told that I didn'thave
H-> the right to ? her. So needless to say after all of this...there is

Write your reply.

assistant: Hi H-D... Quoting your message to Esther...
rom
Calling a spade a spade can be a hurtful thing. Honesty, IMO, should not
be used as a weapon.
Hi Esther,
honest
e
Interesting... I made the comment about honesty not being used as a
weapon and now finding that you do, is a bit disconcerting...
H-D,
I was quoting Esthers message to you...
I guess I'd have to ask if it was her money or your money or did the
money go in one pot?
a H-> great relief. But there is that part of me that wonders if it
could H->have been handled a different way. H-> Basically...I am just
going through H-> a process right now and thought it would be nice to
hear feedback from H-> others here. H-> Thank you and you have a good
day also,
It's been my experience if I find something even a little annoying and
don't respond immediately and let it build and build and build... I AM
THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.
I think it's important to discuss the way things make ME feel, and that
MAYBE I have misunderstood what was meant.  All to often I don't HEAR
what is said; I hear what I *interpret* is said.
My husband said I had very selective hearing, and I didn't believe
him....  UNTIL I got into AA, I thought what I heard was what was *I*
thought. Boy, was I wrong!  (The above is an example of ALCOLOGIC which
is a term coined by either Marge or Harriet, but it sure is
appropriate).
Now, if you've followed my ALCOLOGIC - (convoluted thinking) you'll know
how sick I was.
I'm not well yet, but I am Weller than I was back then.  I thought
shooting from the hip was the honest thing to do... Now I have to ask if
it is the loving thing I do or say.
 * SLMR 2.1a * ... Easy does it...BUT DO IT!