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There are so many books, online resources, and other parents sharing their journey through babyhood and life with young children, but when you reach the stage of parenting teens it’s a bit of a barren wasteland when it comes to shared experiences and ‘how to’ resources. 

If you’re not there yet, trust me, it can be a very lonely, confusing experience, and if you’re there or out the other side you’ll be nodding with agreement right now. 

I’m 50.  I’ve got three grown-up kids and one still at home age 14.  There’s so much I’ve learnt with the older three and so many varied ways in which my husband and I have fucked-up monumentally that it’s only now with number 4 that we feel we’ve got a grasp on the situation and, right now, life is fairly harmonious in the Daniels’ Household (& I say that frantically touching wood, and with absolutely zero smugness, I promise you, because I know that the worm could turn at any point and we could, once again, find ourselves in a dark moment!) 

I could ramble on for hours sharing my insights but the biggest thing I’ve realised is that almost everyone with teens will have moments that are devastatingly worrying, heart-wrenchingly distressing and downright dysfunctional.  That’s right, almost everyone.  I’ll stick my neck out here and say that I truly believe that any parent who denies this is lying. 

Now, you won’t see them sharing that shit on Instagram because it’s not pretty, it’s not funny, it’s not cute… when your 5 year old embarrasses you in some way, you can usually dress it up into an amusing story.  Someone with older kids told me when mine were little – “little children, little problems.  Big children, big problems” but please know, you’re not alone, you’re not a crap parent and your child probably isn’t a psychopath. 

Jean-Claude Chalmet is a globally renowned psychotherapist, author, a featured columnist at The Times and founder of The Place Retreats in Bali and The Place London Psychotherapy Practice.  The messages we received before our podcast recording with Jean Claude were from people feeling confused, anxious and full of self-doubt as they parented their teens.  They wanted answers.  I wondered how on earth JC would be able to answer these as they were all so varied. 

First of all, listen to the episode (Series 2 Ep 5) the feedback I’ve had has been 100% positive.  It feels like every single person who’s heard it had several ‘lightbulb’ moments.  JC is a unique, knowledgeable, wise and kind person.  One of those people you just wish you could be more like, quite frankly and there’s so much to learn from this conversation that I couldn’t possibly get it all down here. 

My biggest take-home points from the episode and from chatting with JC are these: He assured us, over and over, that it’s never too late to nurture and improve your relationship with your children no matter how old they are.  Of course that makes sense – no relationships are static.  They ebb and flow and evolve and can fluctuate in positive ways as well as negative.  JC pointed out that children will respond amazingly well when they see that you want to make changes to have a better relationship with them. 

He also gave incredibly astute insights into understanding our ownreactions and practical tips on how to diffuse situations that may feel overwhelming. 

‘Communication’ and ‘Love’ were the key elements that JC referred back to again and again with every situation we presented him with (sent in by listeners).  How much confrontation can come from telling your child ‘I have always loved you, I love you and I will always love you’? 

This episode will have you gripped and you’ll end it with a whole heap more understanding and clarity, I promise you. 

Jean-Claude will be a regular contributor on Your Next Episode so be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out. 

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

I know first hand that some people put on an act for social media.  They might be, on the face of it, all about supporting others but then scratch the surface a bit, or, heaven forbid, meet them in real life and you might find yourself bitterly disappointed.  Not so with Emma Campbell (aka @limitless_em). 

Emma has loyal and engaged community on Instagram and she’s one of the truly wonderful things about this app.  I’m really, really picky about who I follow there and so I’m often bewildered to hear of people finding that it can make them feel inadequate and unhappy with their lot.  Honestly, it’s so simple… take it, or leave it.  Instagram’s free content and if someone’s feed’s not for you then just move on. 

Emma Campbell is a writer, speaker, mum of four and a cancer patient and these are the things she’s open about on her Instagram feed along with her husband Dave (@soberdave on IG).  Dave was my guest on a previous episode and you can read all about him here. 

Whilst there’s physical treatment and recovery that needs focus for any cancer patient, what about the emotional side… the mental challenges to wellbeing? 

In this episode Emma shared her experiences and insights of three cancer diagnosis’ in nine years, being a single mum to four children, falling in love on the chemo ward, and support through an Instagram community.  Her story is exhausting to contemplate but oh so inspiring. 

I get the impression that Emma’s not that interested in the numbers.  She understands how Instagram works but doesn’t seem to get too involved in the mechanics, choosing instead to talk, post, engage and make connections in a way that feels instinctively right for her. 

Instinct feels like the key word here because it’s something that we spend a lot of our lives ignoring and I know Emma has talked about doubting herself/her content from time to time before remembering to only post or speak on Instagram in a way that feels right for her. 

This honest, spontaneous approach is what’s organically grown her longstanding Instagram community.  Firstly her content has depth.  It provokes an emotional response in many and resonates with them because she’s speaking from the heart.  Nobody wants meaningless engagement. 

Secondly Emma attracts likeminded people.  Sara Tasker, author of Hashtag Authentic is an Instagram expert and recently said, in her podcast, that Instagram Stories are a ‘tool for self-discovery… like therapy’.  Spot on!  In this episode Emma talked about how her Instagram community has really helped her navigate cancer.  Emma shares her time and knowledge so generously and I know she’s a reassuring friend to thousands who’ve never actually met her in real life.  She supports them and they support her too.  Talking to and following Emma it’s clear that this community is a life-line for people who may otherwise feel alone, including Emma herself, because it may be that a cancer patient has many ‘real life’ friends, but perhaps none of them have been touched by cancer. 

Listen to Emma’s story and start engaging with accounts that make you feel good or heard or supported and build your own community… all those people whose insight you’d never get to enjoy otherwise, millions of them from all over the world!  Emma’s running the London Marathon this year, please join me in sponsoring her. 

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

Each of these shares compelling, potent stories.  Stories that we might not otherwise hear.  The photos aren’t re-touched and they are anonymous which feels very important – I doubt that such honesty about feelings would have been expressed otherwise. 

Laura breaks down physical and emotional taboos via the photos, normalising rather than sexualising, and via the stories shared.  The photos are “signposts that take you through the themes of power, shame and sexuality – all the social and emotional taboos” says Laura

In Your Next Episode, she talks about the profound learning and understanding that came about for her from her Bare Reality projects. 

I was struck by a feeling of admiration when I first heard her speak last year and again when we interviewed her for the podcast – Laura’s in her prime and she knows it.  She’s warm, funny, sexy, clever and empowered and I thought fleetingly ‘that’s how I’d like to be when I grow up’ but then I remembered she’s a bit younger than me!  Surely, it’s not too late though?  I’m a work in progress and Laura herself admits she’s not the ‘finished product’. 

As a child of the unstyled, ungroomed, hairy 70s I’ve barely given my vulva a cursory glance throughout my 50 years.  This isn’t because I feel I ‘shouldn’t’ or through any feelings of shame or embarrassment but simply because no-one’s ever complained about it (in fact it’s been complimented on!),  I’ve had straightforward, untraumatic births, so didn’t fee the need to investigate afterwards and it seems to fulfil it’s purpose without ever giving me cause for concern.  When I read Womanhood though and knew I was interviewing Laura I decided I’d better do my homework and have a look and I have to say…what a palaver!  Long story short – if, like me, your eyesight’s not great and you’re not as flexible as you used to be just take a vulva-selfie on your phone, which you can then examine comfortably, enlarging as necessary, in good light and with your specs on.  Just remember to delete it when you’re done. ( yes, I’m aware that my vulva’s now floating around ‘the cloud’ but I’m fairly confident it won’t come back to haunt me). 

I have to admit, on viewing mine I was fairly underwhelmed & certainly unbothered by anything I saw, but then I haven’t been bombarded with porn as young people are these days.  Laura’s sharing of the spectrum of normality is much needed because what she discovered is that many young women think that their vulvas are abnormal because of porn, where they mainly see particular types. “ They’ll be quite pink, as opposed to darker colours.  Hairless, quite sort of ‘neat’, lots of them have had labiaplasty….  they thought they weren’t normal because that’s what they’d seen” explains Laura. 

According to The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, Labiaplasty is now the fastest-growing cosmetic operation in the world, with a five-fold increase in demand over the past two decades. 

In 2018 Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust found that a third of women avoided smear tests because they were embarrassed of the way their vulvas looked.  With cervical cancer one of the most common cancers in young women, ingrained shame around our bodies isn’t something we can just shrug off, I feel. 

Laura talked about a theme of deeply ingrained anxieties and widespread body insecurity in both men and women.  Men worry about not being ‘enough’…”tall enough, big enough, hung enough, rich enough and occupying enough space in the world” and women about being ‘too much’ … even in supermarkets there are whole aisles telling us we’re ‘too much’ with loads of products available for us to trim ourselves back. 

As Laura explains in the podcast “photographing 100 women’s vulvas was never on the career plan… or penises!”  as a result she’s been called a ‘Cockaholic’ (which she says will go on her tombstone) and had more than her fair share of unsolicited advances and dick-pics. 

We should all be thankful that Laura DID go down this career path.  As a parent of a teen and of young people in their early 20s this is stuff I need to understand and you do too.  Don’t shy away from these conversations.  Don’t think that your child won’t be exposed to images and ideas about their bodies, sex, emotions and their place in the world that are unrealistic or even damaging.  They absolutely will. 

Julia Mortimore directed a short film as part of Brook’s Different Is Normal Campaign.  Brook is a charity at the forefront of providing wellbeing and sexual health support for young people.  Six women share the relationship they have with their vulva before painting their own.  It’s a beautiful, empowering film celebrating vulvas in all their diversity and suitable for young teens and upward in my opinion and really reassuring.  A good place to start a conversation. 

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

Menopause, as we know, affects around 50% of the world’s female population and also impacts any man with a woman in his life.  That may be a partner, mother, friends, work colleagues.  Despite the 2018 census showing that 13.8% of the UK population is from ethnic minority backgrounds, there’s very little research dedicated to the experience of menopause for these women. 

I chatted with Dr Nighat Arif about this for Your Next Episode.  Nighat is an NHS and private GP with a specialist interest in women’s health and you’ve probably seen her on television on BBC Breakfast and also heard her on BBC Radio.  I’ve been following her on social media for about 9 months and I know how highly regarded she is by other professionals and also by the women she supports on there and in her practice. 

Nighat explained that across the board gynaecological issues are not discussed openly and in her native Urdu there is no direct translation for the words ‘period’ or ‘menopause’ and this is one of the reasons why ethnic minority women have come to see menopause as a western problem.  They may also ignore menopausal symptoms due to other circumstances such as coinciding with arranging their children’s marriages and caring for elderly parents both of which come with social and financial pressures which may blur with menopausal symptoms.  Symptoms can also be different and Nighat explained that less likely are the complaints to be of hot flushes and anxiety and more of all over body pain, hurting from ‘the top of my head to the bottom of my feet’. 

For many of the women from her own community that Nighat sees as a GP, the menopause simply isn’t viewed as a medical condition or something to ‘bother’ your busy doctor with – it’s viewed more as just something else to be endured as a woman. 

All of this means that women may suffer symptoms for decades and GPs risk missing menopausal diagnoses and possibly even mis-diagnosing.  With one in four women suffering horrendously and possibly feeling suicidal.  This needs to change. 

Nighat is one of those generously giving her time to start conversations that will hopefully, in time, lead to menopause being normalized and no longer taboo and shrouded in secrecy and shame.  She’s also worked with Diane Danzebrink, Pausitivity and Jane Lewis, Author of My Menopausal Vagina to get information translated into Urdu. 

NHS England is also a driving force considering diversity and health inequalities and local CCGs across the country are each looking at their communities to see what needs to change. 

Your Next Episode Podcast

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

Yes, us women might be a bit more aware of ours but it’s a part of even our bodies that we tend to ignore until there’s a problem.  Quite frankly this is shocking considering how important they are in terms of stability and also sexual function. 

Your pelvic floor is the collection of muscles, tendons, ligaments and fibrous tissues, running from your public bone to your coccyx, that supports pelvic organs helping you to enjoy sex, stopping you from wetting yourself and from bowel issues.  A good visual is imagining it as a hammock. 

So,‘serious consequences’ – men first.  If you Google images of male/female pelvic floors you’ll see they’re quite similar.  But men are even less inclined to think about them until there’s a health impact. 

Erectile Dysfunction is difficulty gaining or maintaining an erection.  It’s not something that men shout from the rooftops about but it’s a very commonly searched term on the internet.  There could be a host of medical reasons for it and it could be psychological but it can also be the first sign of cardio vascular disease.  An erection relies on good, healthy blood vessels that increase the blood flow into the penis so, of course, it actually makes perfect sense that a struggle to get or maintain one could actually be flagging up something really serious, but blokes will ignore it, keep it to themselves, make excuses because, heaven forbid that you admit to anyone that you’ve got a problem with your manhood, right?  Well, ‘man-up’ and go see your GP for god’s sake. 

Women are a bit different in that wetting ourselves is absolutely considered top-grade comedy fodder in our female circles.  How hilarious are the stories of actually pissing our pants when we’ve jumped on the trampoline with the kids, run for a train, sneezed, or coughed?  But, for god’s sake, don’t laugh too hard, unless you’ve got a spare pair of knickers in your bag. 

However, consider for a moment the message this is sending – the laughing, the adverts for a whole range of items to deal with those ‘Oops moments’ all telling us that this is ‘normal’ and a part of ageing that we just need to accept when actually roughly 80% of those issues could be helped by seeing a Women’s Health Physiotherapist. 

If a woman starts wearing these items to manage symptoms in her 50s, say, she could be wearing them for 20-30 years.  Without a doubt she’ll have issues such as soreness and infection which isn’t so comical. 

Consider also that one of the biggest reasons for people moving into nursing homes is around bladder/bowel incontinence.  Still laughing? 

I haven’t even touched on vaginal atrophy, a condition so misunderstood and in some cases so severe that women have taken their lives rather than continue suffering.  Please listen to the podcast with Jane Lewis (S1 E7) for information and support on dealing with this. 

I asked Sarah in this episode about pelvic floor trainers and penis weights (yes, we giggled at the idea of resistance training for penises).  Research on such gadgets is limited and they could be damaging if not used correctly.  So, can I suggest that rather than forking out for something endorsed by a celebrity who’s being paid to influence you, instead you look to the NICE Guidelines that recommend supervised pelvic floor training?  Your time and money will be better spent on a consultation with a Pelvic Health Physiotherpist. 

Sarah Wolujewicz assured me that ‘it’s never too late’ and that something she hears often is patients wishing they’d got help sooner. 

Listen to the episode to learn about simple, evidence-based steps you can take yourself and also to gain a bit more understanding so that you can make informed choices about your pelvic floor health. 

Useful resources:

POGP website (Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecological Physiotherapy) – excellent leaflets and able to help with finding a local physio: https://pogp.csp.org.uk/

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

I’m an extremely diligent researcher for the podcast, so when Dave Wilson aka Sober Dave (on Instagram) agreed to be a guest on Your Next Episode to tie in with the ‘hump week’ of Dry January, I decided that I would immerse myself into sobriety and take up the challenge.  If I hadn’t met Dave 3 days into January I don’t think I would’ve bothered sticking it out. 

At 55 Dave decided to ‘go sober’ in January 2019.  He knew he had a problem with alcohol that was affecting his health and his marriage.  He created an Instagram account and quickly found himself part of an incredible online community.  Dave has documented his sober journey throughout 2019 in the most open and honest way.  He’s adored by his followers because of this and for his generosity with his time and support for others. 

I’ve never been inclined to do Dry January because I know I’m not addicted to alcohol and I really, really enjoy getting a bit pissed in certain situations.  Plus I’m honestly a very amiable drunk – I sing, I dance on tables, I’m lively, I love every body.  You’ll never find me falling-out with people and I don’t get to a point where I can’t walk or talk.  I’m no bother at all and a welcome addition to any party. 

What I noticed last year though was that my alcohol consumption was creeping up a bit.  Officially I didn’t drink during the week.  However, often on a Thursday (sometimes on a Tuesday or Wednesday too), Paul would text me ‘wine tonight?’  on his way home.  He was pushing on an open door. ‘ Hooray!’  I’d think and convince myself that because it hadn’t been my idea, that made it ok… not my fault if I had 3 large glasses of wine on a school night – my husband was pretty much forcing me to. 

Weekends meant that we could drink limitless alcohol just because it was The Weekend.  So, Friday night would come around and often there’d be a last minute arrangement to meet up with friends for ‘a drink’ which of course meant several drinks…as many as you like, because it’s FRIDAY!  Ditto Saturday night. 

Then Sunday…Sunday!  What a day!  Sunday lunches!  Which means starting around midday with a Bloody Mary or four, wine with lunch, wine after lunch for many hours, but always in bed by 9pm because tomorrow is Monday and Monday will be a doddle because we’re getting a good night’s sleep.  Except, what probably amounted to 18 hours of drinking heavily, in a 48-hour period, meant that we were exhausted. 

We never, ever drank on a Monday, hardly ever on a Tuesday, tried really hard not to on a Wednesday and then it was ‘Thirsty Thursday’ once more… almost the weekend anyway – might as well ease ourselves into it again. 

So, yes, my alcohol consumption had crept up and was way over the recommended limit..

According to research cited by Alcohol Change 24% of adults in England & Scotland regularly drink over low-risk guidelines (yep, that’s me) And 27% of UK drinkers binge drink on their heaviest drinking days (I’ll put my hand up to that too). 

I’m writing this on day 28 of sobriety and it’s honestly been an easy month.  I haven’t missed alcohol at all and I feel much better in every way.  I’ve been to a comedy night with friends and I’ve accomplished my first sober Burn’s Night. 

I always knew these events would be easy though.  What will be hard (probably impossible) will be those evenings where there’s no other focus other than drinking.  This weekend is my best friend’s 50thBirthday, we’re going out for a meal early evening, that will be fine but then it’s party time – a large gathering of friends from afar drinking, dancing and being over-excited to be together.  It‘s on Saturday the 1stof Feb though, so I’m good to go! 

However, I’m furious to find that I’m feeling a bit nervous about drinking again.  I’m not nervous about being drunk but I’m anxious about the next day when I know I’ll feel crappy and I’ll be unable to achieve much more than lying on the sofa watching Netflix and I’m dreading the awful ‘Hangxiety’ that follows a heavy night of imbibing.  I’ve really reveled this month in not having those days at all. 

Dave is warm and non-judgemental.  He sees Dry January as an opportunity for us to not necessarily stop drinking completely (unless we want/need to), but to rethink our relationship with alcohol and to drink in a more mindful way going forward.  This stuck in my head because at the time it confused me.  Rethinking my ‘relationship’ with alcohol?  Drinking ‘mindfully’?  What on earth was he on about? 

Dave’s theory has proved to be spot on.  I’m now baffled as to why I felt the need to down a bottle of wine on a Friday night.  In future, if I’m not going out, I won’t bother, ditto Saturday.  The thought of drinking midweek now horrifies me. 

Dave’s suggestion is backed up by research conducted by the University of Sussex that found that Dry January helps people to drink more healthily all year round.  It shows us that we don’t need alcohol to have fun or relax meaning that for the rest of the year we’re able to make better decisions about our drinking.  The research showed that Dry January participants are still drinking less 6 months later. 

Dry January has given me insight into what my habits are around booze and the understanding that those habits had become exhausting.  Not just exhausting because I wasn’t getting enough good-quality sleep but also the head space that thinking about drinking takes up is huge for me, I’ve realised – deliberating whether or not to have a drink, feeling guilty about it if I do, worrying about my health, feeling guilty that I’m letting others down if I don’t drink when they are.  Plus, the time and organization it takes to book taxis, the planning around drinking that night and also coping the next day.  Dry January has freed up so much mental space by just not having all that to worry about this month, it’s all gone. 

So, I really believe that I’ll be more mindful going forward about the decision to have that first drink, to have a boozy night instead of a sober one, but I wonder if I’ll be more mindful in the moment, once the decision’s been made to drink.  Will I be mindful then?  Will I swap my double vodkas for single measures?  Will I remember to slow down a bit?  Or, will I approach an evening of drinking in my usual fashion… like an overexcited child at a birthday party tea table? 

I’ll let you know. 

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

Really, men?  Yes, so it would seem, I’m afraid – loads of men I know think that the menopause isn’t their issue.  These are men whose female partners are in their mid-40s!  These are men who, when their partners were pregnant, trotted along to antenatal classes, got informed and were amazing birth partners when their children were born, and yet, the whole menopause thing isn’t on their radar! 

It wasn’t so long ago that birth and babies were considered ‘womens’ business’ too.  When I was born (ok, quite a long time ago, actually) my dad wasn’t there and didn’t change a nappy or really have much involvement with me at all for the first 9 months or so.  Today’s parents understand the vital role played by the partners of pregnant women in the birth room and also postnatally and it seems laughable that it was ever any other way. 

I mean, it’s taken decades to get to that point but nowadays with wonderful Instagram, Facebook etc.  important messages and information and ideas are shared so much more widely and so easily.  So, surely it won’t take as long for blokes to get clued up about the menopause – a process that every single woman will go through.  That’s right… EVERY.  SINGLE.  WOMAN. 

So, men… if you have a woman in your life this affects YOU.  That woman might be your mum, your sister, your partner, friend, work colleague, whatever… if that woman is one of the 50% reporting that the menopause has impacted negatively on their sex life, one of the 50% saying the same about their home life, one of the 36% who said their menopause symptoms impact their social life or one of the 45% reporting a negative impact on their work… Menopause affects you too.  How can it not?  In fact, 38% of partners report feeling helpless and 28% report increased arguments due to their own lack of understanding of ‘what she’s going through’. 

Now, relax.  You don’t need medical-degree knowledge on the menopause, you don’t need to read tons of books or sit down with your work colleagues and ask them how their vulvas are doing either… there’s nothing to feel scared, embarrassed or bogged-down about.  You just need to be aware of some real basics (basics that lots of women aren’t aware of, to be honest) and, if it’s appropriate, be prepared to ask questions and listen. 

So, the basics I’m talking about here are the really common symptoms of the menopause.  Now, it may be that the significant woman in your life doesn’t know about these either – I didn’t a year ago.  At 48 I knew 3 facts about the menopause: periods stop, hot flushes and night sweats start.  That’s it.  So, for a few months I was gradually self-diagnosing myself with dementia, depression, bi-polar and various cancers because I had 17 of the following 35 symptoms with zero idea that they were anything to do with the menopause/perimenopause:

If you’re reading those and having a lighbulb moment because you recognise them either in someone you know or yourself, then it’s probably time to start having conversations and getting informed.  Because doing so will only have benefits for you and those around you, whether your male or female. 

Here are some great places to start:

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook . 

I’m 49.  Up until about a year ago Menopause was something I hadn’t given more than a moment’s thought to.  I’ve got some friends who are a few years older than me, but, to be perfectly honest, if menopause symptoms were mentioned during our boozy ‘girls’ nights I’d pretty much glaze over and be keen to move the subject on, because, ya know, BORING! 

… and not just boring, but a bit scary and depressing too.  I mean, why would I want to think about a stage in my life where I would surely be just a sweating, emotional wreck that everyone would hate?  Ready for the scrap heap.  A husk of a woman. 

It’s not a fun, sexy topic at first glance, that’s for sure.  Also, it’s taboo.  Of course it is… it’s a female issue and we all know that generally topics around the female anatomy, periods, female sexual enjoyment etc.  have always been deemed a bit too sordid for discussion or even acknowledgement…that’s a whole other blog post topic for another day, but I will come back to it! 

The result is, at the grand old age of 48 I knew nothing and had self-diagnosed myself with an impressive list of terrifying conditions… Alzheimer’s, dementia, Bipolar, anxiety, depression, various cancers and also being an intolerant bitch.  I’d noticed that I was tired, my body ached a lot, I was forgetful, had a kind of brain-fog going on, I was more anxious, sometimes had sleepless nights, I had days where I felt in a very dark place emotionally and days where I felt invincible.  What I didn’t have, as far as I was concerned, were Menopause symptoms – because we all know what they are, right?  There are only 3: hot flushes, night sweats & your periods stop.  Simples. 

So, I was following Dr Louise Newson (@menopause_doctor) on Instagram, I don’t know why I was following her because, as we’ve established at that point Menopause wasn’t on my radar, although it must’ve been a bit, I guess!  She recommended The Good Menopause Guide by Liz Earle so I bought it.  In the second chapter there’s a list of symptoms associated with the perimenopause.  I read it and the penny dropped.  There are 35 listed and I found myself nodding my way through them.  I then started grabbing the book everytime I was with a female friend around my age and reading the list out to them and witnessing lightbulb moments every time!  I know of loads of women who are on antidepressants and it occurs to me that maybe their doctors just aren’t terribly clued up about the menopause…

One of the foundations of any antenatal education workshops/courses I’ve run over the last 10 years, is informed decision making.  When it comes to your body, your baby, your health and that of your family it’s vital to get informed.  You don’t need to have medical degree knowledge (that’s what doctors are there for) but in order to have respectful conversations with and also to know how to get information from caregivers you need to take responsibility and get a bit informed.  I did that myself when I was pregnant with my first child, I’ve done it throughout my parenting journey, I’ve done it as regards my own health and I’ve done it as I hurtle towards the menopause. 

I’m probably perimenopausal.  I don’t need a doctor to confirm that for me, I’ve got informed, I’ve read books, I’ve listened to expert speakers, I’ve interviewed experts too.  What stands out most of all is that women and men need to get their heads out of the sand and start conversations in the same that they did eventually about 40 years ago around childbirth and parenting – when I was born, my dad was nowhere to be seen and didn’t pick me up until I was about a year old because all that was ‘women’s work’.  That’s laughable now!  I’m totally confident that my experience of the menopause will be so much better than for women even just a couple of years ago, because we ARE gradually getting informed and TALKING about it. 

Let’s keep talking!  Get in touch, I’d love to hear your experiences x

Your Next Episode Podcast – Louise Daniels and Aimee Cooper address midlife issues and sometimes crisis for those bursting into their 40s, 50s and beyond.  Every Monday we chat with interesting people and experts about the variables, challenges, changes and opportunities of middle-age for men and women… hormones, parenting, family, divorce, mental health, relationships, menopause, health, sex, careers, lifestyle.  Always upbeat, often funny, subscribe now to this educational and entertaining podcast.  Join in the conversation on Instagram , Twitter and Facebook .