Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

My Facebook feed has been full of fresh babies.  A few months ago, I was quickly scrolling past them, but lately I’ve been stopping and looking at each scrunchy new face, remembering how good new babies smell, how tiny they are, how perfect they feel when they fall asleep on your chest.  I am ready to be pregnant again, to try again.  I want my own squishy scrunchy baby to cuddle and kiss and lose sleep over. 

I only know what it’s like to have a sibling that’s the same age as me.  I’d ideally hoped that Annie would be two years older than her sibling.  I’d decided that would be a good age difference – enough so that they could have separate lives, but close enough for them to share experiences if they chose to.  My brother and I had operated this way growing up, especially in high school, and it had really been great for us. 

Now as each month passes, I do the math and realize Annie and a potential sibling will be at least three-and-a-half years apart.  If a new baby is born after September of next year, they’ll be four grades apart in school…meaning they wouldn’t even go to high school at the same time.  Or college.  They would always be in very different life phases for the first twenty-plus years of their lives. 

Does any of this really matter?  No, of course not.  I know that whatever our situation ends up being, we’ll be so thrilled with it.  I think a lot of this comes from me seeing how Annie is around babies now (she stops in her tracks and shrieks with happiness when we see one anywhere), and how she is when she plays with other kids.  I wish she had that built-in playmate already.  She’s starting to comprehend that her friends have siblings and she doesn’t – at least, not the way they do. 

I guess on the flip side if she’s an older big sister, she’ll be able to understand more.  I think it would be pretty cool to remember meeting your sibling for the first time.  Just imagining the look on her face when she’ll get to hold her baby brother or sister for the first time makes me well up.  Hurry up little baby.  Come on, body.  Let’s do this. 

Amanda M says:

This is just what I needed to read today.  After 3 years of infertility I was terrified of the 5 year age gap.  We are now pregnant and due on my sons 5th birthday.  I “know” it will be ok but I keep thinking of the shock this is going to be for my “only child’.  He’s wanted to be a big brother but when the baby is here I keep thinking how they won’t to play together, etc.  Thank you for this post. 

Caroline says:

Meghan says:

Me and my sister are four years apart.  We have always got{or is it gotten?}  along really well and we rarely fought when we were little.  Even though we are 4 years apart {I am 22, she is 18} we do things together all of the time. 

I actually remember my mom telling me that she was going to have a baby.  I remember her letting me choose which crib bedding I liked the most.  I also remember visiting my mom and new sister in the hospital!  I absolutely love having these memories! 

karen says:

My kids are 6 days short of 8 years apart, he is 17, she is 9.  For their attitude, behaviour and responsibility they could be twins.  I trust her with my password for my facebook, I dont trust him being on the house on his own.  You never know what you’re going to get! 

TamaraL says:

Cute, Karen!  Sounds exactly like my son and daughter…she is 16 and he is 22.  I trust her with my credit card…I can barely trust him to bring me change from a $5 bill!  It’s always been that way and I love them both! 

Julie says:

Julia says:

Our kids are 4.5 years apart, on purpose, and it’s been a wonderful age difference.  I’m so happy we waited!  I got to enjoy putting all my attention on my son for a long time, and when my daughter was born, my son was old enough to not be jealous at all, and he needs me in a very different way than a toddler would or a newborn (obviously) so my guilt at splitting my attention just didn’t exist!  I can’t recommend a longer age difference enough.  And they are such good buddies, too, because they’re far anough apart that there isn’t the competition.  Hugs to you as you start this journey again.  Good luck! 

AmyG says:

My girls are almost 4 years apart, by 24 days.  They are the best of friends, which warms my heart!  I think this is a great age for Annie to be a big sister.  She’ll be able to get involved in the pregnancy & once baby is here, she’ll be able to “help” you take care of the baby.  Can’t wait to hear the news that baby Spohr is on their way! 

Our twins are almost 5 years old now.  And I think the best EVER gift I could give my daughter right now (apart from, well, a trampoline) would be a ‘baby’.  She asks for a little sister regularly (yes, it must be a sister as far as she’s concerned, because she reckons her twin brother already has his little brother and now it’s HER turn) and although I’ve explained to her baby girls don’t just grow on trees, she is quite persistent.  Although given the choice between a baby brother or no baby at all, I’m 99,9 % sure she will go for the first option.  She loves loves LOVES babies. 

My sister and I are 2 years apart and all we ever did growing up (starting in 4th grade) was fight.  I don’t remember anything about my sister being born and being a baby. 

I do however remember very clearly the pregnancies and births of my half-sisters when I was 11 and 13.  I loved having them around, cuddling them and playing with them (and teaching them all sorts of things/words/songs/mischief I knew my stepmom would hate). 

Of course now that I’m older it’s my ‘real’ sister I have the biggest bond with, but that has more to do with having grown up in the same house/family (we both lived with my mother and stepdad from age 11 and up, my half sisters lived with my dad and stepmom) than with the smaller age difference. 

No matter the age difference, Annie and a new baby will be (brother and) sister(s).  They will most likely fight a lot, because that is what brothers and sisters do.  But they will also love each other to bits and no one will ever be able to come between them while growing up.  You will probably feel like an outsider yourself, sometimes…

Randi says:

Heather, I am a daily reader but don’t reply often.  I struggled to have our second baby.  We were hoping for a five year age difference, and got pregnant in just the right time to make that work, and then had a miscarriage.  A year after that, I got pregnant again, and had a ruptured ectopic, and lost a tube, and the doctor wasn’t sure if we would be able to get pregnant again.  5 months later, I got pregnant again, and had another miscarriage, but we were so happy that it happened because it showed us that we still could.  The very next month, I got pregnant with my second son.  My boys are 7 years 3 months apart.  Dom had been asking for a sibling for a while, and he was so happy to get his little brother.  There have been some jealousy issues because he isn’t the only person getting our attention any more, but overall, he loves that he can help to take care of his brother, and he loves to try and hold him, and he laughs and has just as much fun as we do watching Finn learn about his environment.  While our age difference isn’t ideal, we still have no doubt that they will be close when they get older.  Finn will just stare at Dom and grin.  He already adores his big brother, and I don’t think that will be changing any time soon.  Whatever age difference you get, you just have to tell yourself that it is the correct one for your family, even if it is for reasons you don’t fully understand yet.  With Dom being more independent, we get to have more cuddle and relaxation time with Finn, and I love that.  I also love that we had all of those years to help Dom get to the point he is now in his life.  I wonder if he would be so funny and witty if he didn’t get so much one on one time with us before having a sibling. 

Elizabeth says:

I too did the frantic math when trying to get pregnant with our second.  And like you, a miscarriage threw everything off.  My daughter was almost 4 when her baby brother was born.  But she has been amazing with him.  She’s a huge help and just adores her baby brother. 
Here’s hoping Annie has a baby brother or sister soon! 

Beth Mariel says:

Me and my youngest sister are a staggering 10 years apart but we’re so close all our other siblings (2 years and 5 years apart) get jealous!  We fight as if we’re the same age and talk about everything!  Age difference doesn’t matter at all really all the best xx

Becca_Masters says:

There is 4 years difference between me and my brother and in every single picture I have of me holding him, I look adorable with a sickly sweet “I’m so perfect” smile and he looks like he’s struggling to breath and is being squeezed to death.  Every.  Single.  Picture. 
By the time I was 8, he was 4 and we had another baby brother. 
I remember we were thick as thieves. 
Then I was 11, he was 7, baby brother was 3 and my sister came along and then my 7 year old brother and I fought like cat and dog but I adored my baby brother and new sister. 
Now I’m 28, he is 24, my “baby” brother is 21 and my sister is nearly 18. 
My brothers and I get along great but my sister and I often “buck horns” as she is along 18 going on 35 and thinks she knows better than anyone else. 
Age isn’t an issue, just don’t forget to lavish attention equally otherwise the older kiddo could become very jealous and in turn will act out. 
That said, Annie is a fabulous little girl and you and Mike are fabulous parents and I’m sure that attention will be equally lavished and Annie will love her baby sibling very much. 

Tabitha says:

My boys are almost 4 years apart, and it was really nice to have that time with our older son, although I feel badly that I won’t be able to stay home for the first five years of my younger son’s life.  However, Cayden got to be really involved with the baby, even helping as we picked out his name.  They’re only four and one, but they play together already.  I love to hear them in the play room laughing together.  Whatever the age difference, your kids will love each other and have great fun together!  I’m 12 and 17 years older than my siblings and we have a blast together. 

Melissa says:

My younger sister and I are three and a half years apart.  I graduated high school when she was getting ready to start it.  I think it’s a fine age difference.  Perfect, really. 

Growing up, she and I weren’t super close, but it was because of personality rather than age. ( She and my brother were super close, and they’re six years separated.)  When she started going through her teens, she was everything to me.  And I imagine I was to her, as well.  My best friend, my confidante, my diary, my sister/mother/daughter (my mom was very ill, and we mothered each other through those tough adolescent years).  I’m 31 and she’s almost 28, and we still tell each other everything.  Sometimes I think she knows my thoughts before I even think them! 

I think Annie and another sibling will still be close.  Only, instead of simply being a best friend and playmate, Annie will be a mentor and a protector and a teacher (and the little one will probably teach and protect Annie sometimes, too.  I know my sister did with me.) 

My very VERY earliest memory is of my sister.  I must have been just turning 3 years old, and our whole family was sitting on the couch in the living room.  My parents were discussing whether to name her Jennifer or Jessica.  I told them my vote was for E.T. (This was 1984!)  They laughed and said they couldn’t, because she was going to be a girl.  So then we decided that Mrs. E.T. was suitable, and agreed that that would be her name.  I distinctly remember them saying that, yes, they would name her Mrs. E.T.

My next earliest memory was of trying to find my last name through a picture window, with rows of babies in little plastic boxes, but not being able to read quickly enough.  That, and the disappointment and betray I felt when I found that they reneged on our agreement and named her Jessica instead. 

Chin up, Heather.  It must be hard to imagine sibling relationships that are different from yours, always having known him.  But some of my best and clearest childhood memories are of meeting my little sister. 

erin says:

Heather – sometimes, I think it’s better when the older sibling, especially when it’s a girl sibling, is a few years older.  Annie will be the most nurturing, loving big sister — she’ll understand better when the new baby is coming and what it’s all about and what her role will be.  She will love it and always takes care of it.  My daughter was was only 22 mos.  old when my son was born — she was just a baby herself and she had no idea what to do with him.  Now they are 12 and almost 14 and it’s all worked out fine — they are good friends and do most activities together, however, I often think that if she’d been a little older when he came along, she’s be more maternal and protective of him, which she is not.  No matter, grass is always greener on the other side — don’t borrow worry.  It’ll be fine — Annie is a superstar — whatever the age difference b/t her and her sibling(s) – she’ll be the best big sister ever. 

My husband’s sisters are 8 years apart.  When the younger was a Junior in High school, she served as her sister’s maid of honor.  As adults, they each now have three kids and live a block away from each other.  They see each other every day.  It will be okay! 

I have three children.  My first and second are 6.5 years apart.  The second and third are 3 years apart.  There are pros and cons to each of those age gaps.  It was nice, when my second was an infant, to be able to have some alone time with her each day as the big one was in school.  It's also nice that the big one (at almost 13) is old enough to babysit her sisters (6 and 3). 

Sarah says:

Heather — my kids are 21 months apart, and while this may sound ideal, it has proven to be tougher in many aspects than I had anticipated.  Despite being a boy and a girl, they are fiercely competitive.  They should technically be only one grade apart, due to when the school “cut off” falls, but we purposely have them two grades apart.  This is in part because I couldn’t bear the thought of having them go to college one right after the other.  Think about the fact that you will have a child in the house for longer — this will be a wonderful thing, which I’m sure you will value.  I have so many friends with large age gaps between them and their siblings, and they are still very, very close.  My husband is the youngest of four, with 5 years between him and his closest-in-age sibling; 12 years between him and the oldest.  He is extraordinarily close to them all.  Annie will be a phenomenal big sister, whether that happens in the very near future, or a little further down the line.  The warmest of wishes to you all. 

Prudie says:

I know how you feel.  My daughter is five (!!!)  now and I have been dreaming of a sibling for her forever.  It just hasn’t happend for us, and that is ideal because I am Type I diabetic and have been advised not to, but I always feel so bad that she doesn’t have that “built in playmate”. 

Deb says:

I was in the same situation – I wanted a 2 year difference, faced fertility issues, and the months/years flew by and we ended up with a 4 year age difference between our two boys.  We were so so happy to have him join our family though!  And it is actually a nice age difference.  My older son had many years as an only child and when his brother was born he was old enough to understand and to be very helpful with the baby.  We had no jealousy issues at all.  Now that my oldest is in 2nd grade, it is so nice to have only one in school and navigate that for one at a time and they are great friends (and fight as if they are the same age!) 

We also got what we wanted because the irreversible fertility issues apparently disappeared and when my second was 16 months old – SURPRISE! –  we were pregnant with our 3rd boy.  So we did end up with the 2 year age difference and I must say that it is HARD.  Hard to have 2 in diapers, 2 who want to be picked up and carried around…of course there is an upside to it as well, since they are just starting to be friends as the little one is starting to talk (and also exert what he wants – the middle one is spoiled because his older brother was so good at sharing and giving his baby brother what he wanted!) 

Sara M. says:

I’m the second oldest of six (ages 40-28) and I remember when Brooke, Lauren, and Patrick were born. (’ 81, ’83, ’84) I was ten by the time Patrick came along and he was MY baby.  I carried him everywhere, played with him, changed diapers, etc…basically he was mine.  Haha…While it was never a dull moment with that many kids, we are all really close, I’m closest with Lauren.  She’s now 29 and I’m 38.  We are best friends like only sisters can be, each other’s go to person in everything.  I think that no matter how much older Annie is than her younger sibling, it’s going to work out.  Good vibes and best wishes on an uneventful pregnancy and new little one. 

Kate says:

My sister and I are close to 3 years apart in age (2.75 years), and even as adults, we don’t really get along.  I mean, we’re civil to each other, and we can have conversations, but we never really bonded.  For our personalities, being that close in age was actually a BAD thing.  We were two grades apart, and it meant she grew up as “Kate’s little sister” (which she hated), it meant that we shared a lot of things that I think it would’ve been better that we DIDN’T share (like teachers, friends, school activities).  I have always thought that we would’ve gotten along a lot better if we’d been further apart in age. 

That said, my brother and I are 4.5 years apart in age and we get along great.  We always have.  Because while my big personality sort of overwhelmed my sister, my brother was distanced enough from me that he could have his own experiences without me looming over him.  And our relationship has grown a lot because we had separate experiences and weren’t stuck sharing so much. 

It might be the best thing for Annie and the future baby that they have more than just two years apart.  And either way, Annie’ll love the hell out of her future sibling.  I mean, that much is COMPLETELY clear. 

Kayla N. says:

Heather, my sister are four years apart.  I am 23 now, she is 19.  And I want you to know, my sister is one of my best friends and I love her so much and wouldn’t change our age difference for anything.  We are very different people but our age difference has allowed us to maintain a healthy view of differences that might have caused massive fights if we were closer in age.  I have been able to help my sister through college essays, the Greek system (shes a Kappa Kappa Gamma and I’m Phi Sigma Pi) and a lot of other things I did first, and in turn because I’m her big sister, she has come to appreciate that I’m a lot nerdier than her but accept me anyway.  Our relationship gets better with age, pretty much daily. 

Sending you good vibes a new little one will be on its way soon!  You’re the best, family Spohr! 

Jenn says:

Hi Heather – I’ve never commented before but wanted to give a different perspective. 

My sister is five years younger than me (I am 34 and she is 29) and we are the absolute best of friends.  She moved to the city I lived in to be closer to me and I was beyond thrilled.  I love spending time with her. 

Growing up we grew closer as we got older and it has been really cool to see our bond continue to grow into adulthood.  I can’t remember the last time I thought about our age difference. : ) 

Her birthday was a few weeks ago and I sort of teared up because I remember the day she was born, her first day of kindergarten, her first boyfriend, and all of her success and heartbreaks in between and after.  I would not trade that for a lesser age difference any day. 

You and Mike are fabulous parents and Annie will be an amazing big sister. 

Merry says:

My sister and I are almost six years apart and absolute best friends.  I was in Kindergarten when she was born and felt like she was a gift all for me!  I had the best time dressing her up and playing with her when we were little and then we just kept getting closer as we got older.  No matter what the age difference, it will work out and Annie will be a great big sister! 

My girls are three years (and change) apart.  The little one’s due date was May 28th and she came March 2, after her twin died.  Prematurity brought their age difference closer a little bit, but also made the little one younger than her age.  Still, they are the BEST of friends.  The older one just started first grade, the little one just started nursery school.  I’ve had to learn that these are things we can’t control (as you know) but I’ve also learned that there are advantages and disadvantages to all age differences.  Good luck to your family.  You deserve it!  Annie will love her baby sibling no matter when he/she comes. 

Heather says:

I don’t usually comment, but this is a subject that has been on my mind a lot recently.  We are currently going in to our 5th Cycle of Trying to Conceive and if things go well and I get pregnant in the next couple months my kids will be at least 7 years apart. 

Is this the “ideal” situation I had in my head?  No.  I wanted the “perfect” 3 year age gap, but life had other plans.  Nasty, not fun plans in fact, but that is okay. 

I think there are pros and cons for closely spaced siblings just like their are pros and cons for children who’s ages are farther apart.  It really depends on the children in question. 

Good luck to you and your family as you start trying to conceive again! 

eva says:

My sister is 3.75 years younger, which was 4 school years.  Worked out the way it was intended and we are fairly close now and didn’t fight excessively growing up because we were always in different stages and of course I was much bigger than she was until she was 13.  By which time I was 17 and starting university!  Two friends have recently had second babies 5 years after all of our firsts were born in 2007 and it’s working out wonderfully.  I’m jealous that they get to savour the newborn stage now, and share that experience with their firstborns.  Whatever happens will work out and Annie will be a fantastic big sister:)

My sister was”supposed” to be born two years after me, but instead we are almost 7 years apart.  There were times, like, oh, when I was 17 and she was the most annoying creature on earth, that we didn’t get along so well, particularly as my parents were divorcing and we had to share a room (oh, the horror!).  But I also have memories of anticipating her birth, helping my parents with the baby, etc.  in a way that I’m sure I wouldn’t have if I’d been younger.  And now that we’re both adults, we have a great relationship.  Every age gap has its benefits and challenges, and I don’t think there’s any “right” answer.  My uncle is two years older than my mom, and they fought constantly growing up!  What’s important is that you’re ready and hopefully your body is ready – I wish you best of luck and hope that this is your time! 

Jen says:

I have always been much closer to my sister who is 5.5 yrs younger than me than to my older sister who I am much closer to in age.  Annie will be such an awesome big sister to your next baby, no matter what the age difference.  Good luck! 

I can only speak to my own experience, but having 2 girls 4 1/2 years apart has so far been really good.  Catie is old enough that she’s fairly self-sufficient, so it works out well with having a baby that needs so much attention. ( Of course, Catie also gets jealous of Lucy, and I have to make sure that I set aside special time just for the two of us, but I think that’s true regardless of age difference.) 

Also, my sister is 5 1/2 years older than me, and while we weren’t very close when we were kids, she’s now basically my best friend and favorite person on the planet.  So, you never know. 

There are 4.5 years between my brother and me (I am the youngest) and the age difference growing up was fabulous.  He carried my lunch money for me for a long time.  I loved the age difference so much that the exact same age difference is between my two and they have the same wonderful relationship.  They are now 24 (almost 25) and 20 and even though they have very different personalities they are best friends.  It will work out perfectly whatever happens!  Good luck! 

Just piping in to say that my sister and I are 4 years apart and did not go to high school at the same time.  But we experienced LOTS of great things together, like being “freshmen” at the same time–she was a freshman in high school and I was a freshman in college and everything was new and kind of scary for both of us.  So we definitely bonded over that.  And also?  My very first childhood memory is the day my sister was born.  Although we weren’t as close as some siblings growing up, we’re now 29 and 25 and closer than ever.  Adulthood will do that, I think.  So even if Annie and her sibling are 4 years apart, know that it’s actually really awesome in a lot of ways.  And I bet my parents would tell you they were glad we are this far apart, because it stretches out those “parent” moments where you wish you could stop time.  Instead of me going to prom and then a year or two later my sister going to prom, my mom got to look forward to my sister’s prom experience for a few more years instead of going through both experiences back to back.  Just my 2 cents! 

Hope says:

My brother and I are nine years apart.  I remember the day I was told I was going to have a little brother or sister and I still prefectly recall the day he was born.  I got a lot of experience helping my parents with him that when I was ready to babysit I was highly sought after! 

Bobbi says:

I am 11 years older than my sister and 18 years older than my brother!  I am equally close to both of them and have had different experiences of growing up with them!  It has been amazing having that age difference though!! 

Shana says:

I can’t speak for having children, since I’ve not yet had any … but I’m four years older than my brother and I remember so much about my mom’s pregnancy and the day he was born. 

And sometimes it was hard to have a sibling that much younger than I was (a nosy junior-high-age brother when I was a senior in high school??  Hell), but I’m so glad that I remember him as a baby.  I was like Annie, too, with the interest in other people’s babies. 

Becky Campbell says:

Our son is within 6 weeks of being 5 years older than our daughter and we love it!  He was old enough to understand there was going to be a new baby, he could help when she arrived (and he LOVED being able to) and he’ll always remember me calling him and telling him he had a sister and meeting her for the first time and knowing he was the only person, outside of us parents, to know it was a girl and to spend time with her!  It was our little secret for a few hours.  We made sure he had a gift from the baby at the hospital when he arrived to see her (he brought her one too) and we made sure everyone understood he would be the first person to meet her.  Even grandma had to wait in the waiting room until I felt he’d had enough time to meet and hold and get to know her.  I’m sure it was torture for her, but I wanted to be sure he understood that he was still important to us and he had a very special place in our lives and wouldn’t be shoved aside to make room for others to ooh and ahh over her.  He took his job very seriously and still does…8 years later!  I was a bit worried he’d have trouble sharing us, since he’d had us all to himself for so long, but he did great!  I think it worked out better than if we’d had them closer together!!:)  No matter how long it takes, it’ll be worth it!? 

Jolene says:

Just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world to have a healthy pregnancy come your way soon.  They will be close no matter what.  My eldest and I have a 10 year age gap and we’re still very close Can’t wait to get the good news that you have a precious baby in your belly. 

I think about this all the time.  My daughter lost her identical sister.  She is almost five now and we are unable to have any more children.  I worry about what it will be like for her when she gets older and realizes all she truly lost. 
Sending tons and tons of baby vibes your way. 

Lindsay says:

Mary says:

I am six and nine years, respectively, younger than my two older sisters.  The three of us are BEST friends– it’s like there’s no age gap between us at all.  As we were growing up, I always had playmates and I always had babysitters, and we love(d) each other something fierce.  You are right– age is just a number

Katie says:

I had decided that 3 years was the magic number but 2 miscarriages intervened.  I ended up with kids nearly four years apart and I have to say the spacing has exceeded all my greatest expectations about what their sibling relationship would be like.  My son was and is a terrific big brother and despite the age difference, he and his little sister play wonderfully together!  It was great to have him so clearly OUT of the baby stage (diapers, etc.)  when she came along, and now I like to think that my transition to empty-nester status will be slower and more drawn out because they’re spread out a bit more.  She’s in kindergarten now and he’s in third grade—they’re still at the same school and he keeps an eye on her as a big sibling should.  I now can’t imagine it any other way and wonder why I thought there was something magical about 3.0 years.  You have a lot of things to fret about, but the spacing should not be one of them.  This part has a way of working out.  xoxoxo and a big hug. 

My sister and I are three years apart.  We get along really well now (I’m 26 and she’s 23), but fought like cat and dog growing up. 

I also think it’s interesting that you think going through school at the same time is a good thing.  While I agree that the age gap shouldn’t be so large as to create a complete time warp (I once knew a family whose daughter was 7 when their second baby came), being at school with my sister wasn’t a comfortable experience.  She was incredibly popular (one of the nice popular kids, not one of the bitchy ‘popular’ kids!)  whereas I was relentlessly bullied and she just had an ‘easier’ personality.  I was terrified of being compared to her when she started at secondary school with me (she was 11, I was 14…maybe under the American system we’d have been in different schools?)  and that was exactly what happened.  Teachers preferred her to me (and told me so) and she ended up having the kind of life in school that I always wanted but never got to have…and on top of that, because we were in the same school, this was constantly in my face.  I had a bad time at school and wasn’t able to get over it properly even when I left…I didn’t feel much better until SHE left as this meant we had no further association with the place and could just get on with being sisters. 

As others have said…whatever age gap you end up with will be fine in its own way…and of course be careful what you wish for. 

ST says:

My sister and I are 3 1/2 years apart and 4 years apart in school age.  And we’re actually very close and were growing up too!  I vividly remember her being born and what it felt like to be a big sister for the first time.  So don’t worry!  The age difference won’t necessarily matter. 

jacky says:

my children are 6 days shy of 5 years apart.  My daughter was initially thrilled when I told her I was going to have a baby.  This was after she had gone with me to the RE and saw me getting shots (Plus- daughter thought babies came from shots, hehehe) Then we she found out it was going to be a boy—- a brother?  what am I going to do with a brother?  After initially wanting to trade him for a sister, they have now become very close at 19 and 14.  Another plus is that you only have to pay one college tuition at a time.  There is less jealousy with the greater age difference.  Sending you positive baby vibes!! 

Rachel says:

For what its worth, my first two are exactly 2 years apart (6 and 4) and they fight NONSTOP.  It drives me batty how much they argue.  My second and third are 3+ years apart (4 and 1) and they are incredibly sweet together.  So there’s that…

And from my personal experience, my sister and I are 2 years apart and our baby brother is 10 years younger than me and 8 years younger than her and as adults, we are all very close (although, once again, I’m fairly certain my sister and I came close to killing one another through our childhood and adolescence). 

Erin says:

My sister and I are almost seven years apart, and while there were rough times growing up (no siblings get along 24-7), we are very good friends now (at 23 and 30).  My mom had several miscarriages between me and my sister, but she’s worth the wait.  Just don’t tell her that. 

BethRd says:

Like you, I have seen this from two sides.  My brother and I are 2.5 years apart and were always pretty close growing up, so I thought that was the perfect age difference.  Then I wound up having my own children 5 years apart, and that wound up working really well too.  My son was a pretty clingy toddler and I think would have resented it if he’d had to share me at two (plus he wanted to be carried EVERYWHERE as a little kid and I wouldn’t have been able to do that pregnant); at five he had just started kindergarten and was old enough to be amused and tolerant about the weird crying thing we’d added to the family instead of being jealous.  I wish we’d had my daughter earlier for other reasons, but not because of the relationship my kids have, which is great. 

Kristin says:

I know how hard this is. 
I had a m/c which was followed by secondary infertility.  We went through a lot and eventually conceived via IVF. 
My daughters are 4 years (almost to the day!)  apart.  It broke my heart to think of them never going to high school together…

I have to say, though, that it is working out well.  My older one is such a good big sister and they are great playmates, despite the age difference. 

Adria says:

I had the same vision as you, but life hasn’t worked out that way.  Mine just turned 5 and any new babies are at least a couple years out.  I take solace in the fact that my sister was 8 years older than me.  And while yes, it was difficult for us to get along in younger years (we didn’t fight, we just had very separate lives), my mom did have a built-in babysitter AND when I got into my teenage years, it was INCREDIBLE having a young adult’s house to escape to when mom was driving me crazy, and even better that she 100% understood what it was like living with our mom AND mom trusted her with me.  It was a win-win.  Whatever your situation ends up being, it will be perfect. 

Wendy B. says:

I think we all have an “ideal” age gap between siblings somewhere in the back of our minds, but the reality is that whatever the gap, it works!  My oldest and my preemie are 4 years apart by design.  My preemie and my youngest are 7 years apart (just happened that way).  There are advantages to both having them close together and spaced apart, but the one thing that doesn’t change is the sibling bond.  They can be close or not, no matter what the age difference.  My 13 year old loves her 2 year old baby sis, as does my 9 year old! 

leanne says:

I was hoping to have my kids 3 years apart.  I had them 4 years apart instead (they are now 8 and 4).  Indeed, there are pros and cons to any age gap for siblings.  But seeing my son and daughter hug each other whenever one of them leaves the house (goodbye hugs are a big deal in our house), the gap in age doesn’t seem to matter. 

Rian says:

I’ve been doing this same calculation in my head every month.  I’m ready to be pregnant again too, and I always thought I’d have my kids two years apart as well.  I try not to be anxious about it, but I’m just so ready. 

Margaret says:

Aww Heather, I sort of know what you’re talking about.  We had our son SO easily that I assumed that it would be so easy with our second child, but she arrived eight months after I had “planned”.  So my son was 2.5, but I am actually loving a longer age difference.  It’s so much easier trying to juggle two when the older child can actually talk to you and understand you.  My son is a huge helper, and he can actually help me because he can do things like DRESS HIMSELF.  It’s sort of amazing.  I have a brother who’s 21 months younger than me and a sister who’s seven YEARS younger.  It’s taken her a little longer to catch up to me, so there is absolutely that, but now that we’re both in our twenties, we’re finally peers.  And that was totally worth waiting for!  Good luck, lots of baby dust! 

KP says:

My girlfriend’s brother is 5 years younger than she is, and she LOVED being the ‘big sister’ when he was born.  She was protective of him, and very proud (still is, on both fronts), and they have a fabulous relationship.  The age gap means that she can be a pretty good mentor to him – especially through the years when he wasn’t going to talk to his parents about issues, he talked to her. 

My siblings and I, on the other hand, are very close in age (4 kids, 5-year gap between oldest and youngest).  We also have a good relationship, but we fought like cats and dogs growing up, which my gf and her brother never did.  So… yeah.  There are pros and cons to both situations. 

As someone who grew up with siblings who are 7.5 and 4.5 years older than me, I know exactly what you mean.  I didn’t really relate to my siblings until after college.  Of course a big part of the relationship is based on parenting, not that I’m speaking negatively about my own parents, but everything is circumstantial. 

This was a concern of mine too.  Of course, my body had other plans in mind so it was never truly up to us.  When #2 is born, they will be one month shy of 4 years apart.  That freaked me at first, but as this pregnancy progresses and I get to see the excitement in my daughter’s eyes when we talk about her upcoming brother, it makes me so happy.  I think if Emberly were younger, she wouldn’t appreciate this as much.  Of course, ask me again in about 6 months and we’ll see how she’s handling a sibling. 
Whatever age difference siblings end up being, it will be magical.  Good luck. 

Sarah says:

My sister and I are 4 years apart, and she’s my best friend. ( Seems like there’s a lot of those comments here, too!)  I’ve always wanted to be just like her.  It’s funny, because I feel like the age gap you’re describing is actually what we had/have.  Our own lives.  Our own friends.  But shared experiences — we played the same sports, volunteered with the same groups, planned weddings at the same time.  Now she’s having kids and I’m waiting a couple years (if all goes according to plan). 

It’s so nice to have someone who sometimes experiences things at the same time as you, and sometimes goes ahead of you and shows you the way.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Susan A says:

It was great to read all these comments.  I had a miscarriage this January.  All the sadness I have about a possible future child not having an engaged sibling due to an age difference are definitely put to rest.  Now, all I have to do it get pregnant again… :o/

Tara says:

I think the same thing about my son!  But I am also 7 years older than my youngest brother and 4 1/2 years older than my middle brother…and we were always close growing up.  We played together a lot and I have so many fun memories.  To this day, we are all 3 very close. 

Being so much older, I actually loved it when I had my drivers license so much sooner and could drive my kid brothers around.  They thought I was the coolest sister. 

Definitely, when you grow up age makes no difference.  Annie will be such a great big sister no matter what! 

Sarah says:

My sister is 6 years older than me.  It took us awhile, but around my turning 12 and her turning 18, we finally clicked.  She is my dearest, closest friend on this planet.  I have a younger brother who is 9 years younger than I am, but our sons are 2 months apart, so our families are closer now than ever. 

And I feel you – after 8 years of unexplained secondary infertility, we finally got a surprise package after we’d let go of that dream (isn’t that always the way) and now my older son and daughter are 9 & 10 years older than their baby sister.  They adore her, and I have no idea how I raised the two of them this far without the two of them around to help me!  I had wanted them all so close together, but my son got a lot of extra babying (he’s the kind that seems to thrive on that) and our daughters already play dress up together, among other things. 

I think an added bonus is that having significantly younger siblings is the “permission” it gives older kids to play like a little kid again whenever they want! 

I love reading all the comments above, particularly because so many of them are from parents/siblings 4 years apart, like my girls will be.  My ideal age gap would’ve been closer, but I have to tell you that almost-4-yr-old Em couldn’t be more excited about babies and her upcoming little sister.  She talks about her all the time and almost bursts with anticipation over getting to “help” Mommy when the time comes.  Hopefully that enthusiasm will last once our second arrives, but it’s hopeful to see now. 

Kelly says:

I know how you feel about the age difference.  My “plan” was for us to have 2 kids (one boy, one girl) – 3 years apart.  But of course… things don’t always work out the way we “plan”.  I ended up with 2 boys – 7 years apart and couldn’t be happier about it.  No, they’ll never attend the same school at the same time, and most of their life experiences will be different.  But that’s OK!  They still play with each other and love (and sometimes hate) each other just as brothers do.  It’s all good. 

I guess what I’m saying is that however things end up in the baby area… whenever it happens… it will all work out somehow. 

I think everyone else has it covered, but just to throw my 2c in: it’s not the age difference that matters, it’s personality. 

My husband is an older brother whose sister came a few months shy of his fourth birthday.  They have a wonderful relationship, probably because they were always different people with their own lives. 

My brother and I are 15 months apart in age (not quite Irish twins, but not far off).  We fought like the dickens growing up.  We have a pretty decent relationship now, but we’re decidedly less able to negotiate with one another like my husband and my SIL do, because we’re way too similar in personality, and as siblings of nearly the same age, we were always “stuck” with one another, leading to resentment on both sides (we still argue as to which one of us is “the favorite”, jokingly, but still…). 

Suzanne says:

My twins are almost exactly 6 years older than my 3 year old.  It’s an interesting dynamic– my “baby” is precocious and loves to do anything her sisters do, and the twins take turns playing and mothering.  Add my now 17 yo stepdaughter into the mix, and you have quite a span!! 

I, too, was worried before my youngest was born (especially as one of the twins has Asperger’s), but things have worked out well.  That’s not to say that we don’t referee a ton of disagreements, but they love each other more than they fight.  Sending you good baby juju!! 

Veronica says:

My daughter is 2 months younger than your Annie and she does the same thing when she sees a baby – it cracks me up, she even yells “baby, I wanna see it”

I can say without a doubt my very first memory is going to the hospital to see my baby sister.  I can remember clear as day the location of the bed in the room, the view from the window and the gigantic fruit basket sitting on the ledge of that window.  I was 2 years and 10 months old when that happened, I can only imagine how much more your Annie will remember when the time comes!! 

Lise says:

My daughters are 2.5 years, 3 years, 2 months, and 3 years, 8 month apart.  The youngest two, who have the largest age gap, are the closest of siblings.  They’re now 17 and 21 they’re still the best of friends.  Even the oldest one going off to college didn’t affect that.  Their personalities just mesh in a very good way. 

Jeanie says:

My sister and I are 11 1/2 years apart, and there were just the two of us.  I wouldn’t say we’re extremely close, but we would do anything for each other and always are together for holidays and birthdays.  My own kids (a boy and a girl) are four years apart and not close at all.  They are so completely different, I don’t think they’d be close even if they were a year apart. 

Amy Stone says:

I did not read all 78 replies above me, and I am sure mine is the same story/different family as each of the comments above, but here it is anyhow!  Our first was not planned and we were not yet married and we were young.  We spent 4 1/2 wonderful years with her before deciding she should have a sibling, when she was 5 1/2 we were blessed with her sister and our family was complete, or so we thought.  Two years ago, our surprise baby #3 came along…she is almost 15 years younger than our 1st and 9 years younger than our second….all three of my girls are VERY far apart, but it was/is a joy to be able to experience each one of them at their own age and space in time.  They all interact as siblings do and enjoy each other each in their own ways.  No matter the age difference, a sibling is a sibling and they’ll love and enjoy each other (and fight too!)  as they were meant to! 

My first two were a “planned” 23 months apart.  The next one after that miscarried at 9 weeks, the one after that implanted in my fallopian tube and took my ectopic, and the two after that were twins who left at 9 weeks.  I remember feeling THE SAME WAY…that this next baby (if I ever got to have him or her) would be SO left out. 

Oh, man. 

I love watching my 5 and 7 year old dote on her – change diapers, read to her…it’s so fun to have them be a little older…I feel like I can enjoy each stage more. 

I get how you’re feeling, though.  A little too well. 

We are foster parents so there are always siblings of different ages here, anyway…but, man, I love having her be the “baby”…truly. 

Leslie says:

I’m 8 years older than my sister – this year I’m 24 and she’s about to turn 16.  For a while when she was little I think she probably felt like she had another mom, but in the past couple years as she’s matured we’ve grown really close and we actually have a lot in common.  I can honestly say we’re best friends!  Annie and her little brother or sister will get the chance to grow close too, no matter how many years separate them! 

Interestingly, my brother and I are 2.5 years apart and we’re not really that close.  We DO get along well and like each other’s company, but we don’t go out of our way to hang out together in our spare time.  My sister, on the other hand, is over 6 years younger than me, (I’m 32 and she’s 26), and she is my best friend in the universe.  We have the same circle of friends, hang out all the time, actually used to be roommates at our own apartment for over a year and were coworkers for a couple of years too in a full-time office environment.  We’re still in the same line of work.  The only time I ever feel the age difference between us is when I go out with her on the weekend in the evening… I sometimes feel like the parent chaperone

Liz says:

My brother and I are about 3.75 years apart.  He was in high school while I was in college, but we are tight.  He’s one of my favorite people, and his wife is one of my best friends.  We have a sister who is 21 years younger than me and 18 years younger than him.  That’s an age difference that matters.  Annie is going to be an awesome big sister, no matter what. 

There’s a big age gap between all three siblings in my family.  My brother is the oldest, with ten years in between us, and then 4.5 years in between me and my younger sister.  We spent most of our lives being at different phases, and my sister and I fought like cats and dogs growing up, and for awhile didn’t speak, but now that we’re older (and she lives 3500 miles away) we talk at least a few times a week, and are very close.  We’re all close in some way, and I thank my kids for that, but there are rough patches, naturally.  I wanted a sister so badly, but was also very jealous, because I was old enough to know that it meant less attention on me. 

Valerie L says:

I have similar feelings about this.  My son is six.  He was unplanned (not that I trade him for anything) and I was and again am single.  I was in a relationship a while back and had another accidental pregnancy the ended in miscarriage. 

Now if I find a man, get married as I’d like to, and then have a baby, I figure my son will be at least 8 or 9 years older then his sibling.  I try not to worry about it too much though.  My sister is 9 years older then my baby brother (with me smack in the middle) and we are all the best of friends.  Much of our friendship has developed in our adult lives, but I am so glad to have them…even if my sister was having babies when I was still in high school.  I know that my son will love a brother or sister.  No matter when they arrive.  And Annie will too.  She’ll be mommy’s little helper. 

Jen says:

My kids are almost exactly 4 years apart, they are currently 10 & 6.  It’s been amazing to watch them together.  I feel that I was a better mom for my daughter than I would have been if they were closer in age.  I was not chasing a 2 or 3 year old around.  Now they play together constantly, although there have been signs from my son that he’s gets a little tired of having her follow him around.  Her 1st belly laugh was for him.  Good luck! 

jess says:

I was born March 23,1982, My brother was born December 31, 1985.  We were *almost* 4 years apart.  I was *thrilled* (not being sarcastic) to have a brother.  I talked to my mom’s stomach every day. ( I may not have understood how he got in there but I knew he was in there!)  in fact I talked to him SO much that when my dad brought me to meet him (he was born c-section, so was I. My parents lost my older brother due to complications after his birth, he was born after a 9 month full term birth he died 1 day after delivery.)  I walked into the hospital room and my bro was lying on mom’s chest, eyes closed.  Mom says I walked in, saw him and went “Ooh is that him?!”  and he heard my voice and lifted his head right up looking for me.  We had an instant bond. 

I helped with diapers, burping (he was breast fed so no helping with feedings, lol) and putting him to sleep.  Sure we had our fights and our tough times.  We were in grade school together.  Rode the bus together. 

I live in PA now, I’m 30.  He lives in Denver and is 26.  We text and email all the time and when he visits go out to dinner and the movies.  We miss each other a lot. 

In other words, don’t worry about it.  You have a great daughter who will be fine. 

Auntie Mip says:

The timing of this post is ironic.  Ironic because yesterday was my birthday.  I have a few similarities in my family to your.  My older brother died.  While I was alive when he died I was only 15 months old so I really don’t remember.  I have a sister who is 15 months older and one who is almost to the day 6 years older. 

My oldest sister and I were only in the same school for 2 years.  I was in 1st and 2nd grade.  Not a lot of memories there.  She went off to college when I was 12.  I remember so clearly being devastated that our family would never be together again as we had been. 

My sister that I am closest in age to, we fought like cats and dogs.  Loved each other so much but hell 2 teenage girls sharing a room, a car, clothes, boys…it was a damn lot.  We a best of friends now. 

But my oldest sister.  She is my hero.  She is super shy and insecure in a lot of ways.  Losing your best friend when you are seven years old is a devastating blow.  She loves children.  She surprised us all after 12 years in small Catholic schools by going to the second largest university in our state.  When she moved home she got an apartment.  She used to have me come spend the night.  She had a balconette at her apartment and I thought she was the coolest, chicest person I had ever know.  Many of her major life milestones coincided with mine.  She got married three weeks after I graduated from high school.  She had a baby right when I was ready to graduate from college.  She always looked out for me and my other sister.  When she graduated college my other sister graduated high school at the exact same time.  She made my parents stay with my sister.  She always puts everyone ahead of her self. 

She is the most generous person I know.  She has set such a amazing example of what it is to be selfless.  She is always volunteering her time for a cause.  And last night, on my 46th birthday she decided we had shared birthday parties long enough(we have 6 Sept. b-days) so she threw me a surprise, International Talk Like a pirate birthday party. 

My long-winded story has a point.  Whenever you and Mike make Annie a sibling, their age difference will not matter.  Because Annnie will know what it means to be a sister because of the examples you and Mike have set.  The age will really be irrelevant.  Because when you are a kid, there is something REALLY special about staying up way past your bedtime with your big sister who orders pizza with her own money from her super cool grown up job while she listens to all your secrets.  Annie is going to be a great big sister. 

Oh how I know this feeling!  I always wanted my kids to be around 3 years apart…but now our firstborn is getting closer and closer to age 5 and I never imagined such a large age gap with my kids.  I keep having pregnant/baby dreams, so hopefully that means good news in our near future.  I think after our miscarriage it took me a while to get to this place, but now that I’m here, I want to get the show on the road already!  I’m trying to look at all the pros to such a big age difference….that our boy will be my helper and a good protective big brother to a new little one Sending you lots of “baby dust” thoughts!! 

moll says:

Another voice to the choir: my siblings are 3.5, 5, and 8 years older than me and we’re all very close.  One of my friends has a twin sister that she barely speaks with.  Close age isn’t the sine qua non of a close relationship.  Whatever the age difference, it will be just fine! 

Sarah says:

Mommy says:

I hate when people say “everything happens for a reason”.  HATE it.  A lot of times there is no reason for shitty things that happen.  Also, I feel like it minimizes the tragedy and heartbreak that someone is going through- like, “Oh you just experienced an unimaginable loss?  Well it happened for a reason, so chin up!”  Um, no. 

So I will never use that dumb phrase.  But I will say that when you do have Annie’s baby sister or brother, it will be the perfect time.  However far apart they are will be just right, because you will make it that way.  There are lots of benefits to having kids 3-4 years apart, and Annie will adore being a big sister, whenever and however that happens! 

Also, my kids are two years apart and it was NUTS for the first year.  Having two in diapers, trying to nurse a newborn while chasing a 2 year old around and dealing with my older son wanting to be a baby again because he was jealous were just some of the challenges.  Of course I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, but I just wanted to throw it out there that there is no “perfect” age gap between siblings.  There are pros and cons to having them close together and not as close together.  Just like everything, you make it work for your family, and I know you and Mike and Annie will do just that.  What a lucky little baby he or she is!! 

ps.  Since you are a twin, are you more likely to have twins?  Just curious!  I have so many friends preggers with twins right now- something is in the water!  Love to you, Spohrs! 

I could be!  I am a fraternal twin, which is the kind that supposedly run in families – it’s a “hyper ovulation” thing.  My brother and I are the first set of twins in our family, so my mom just thought we were a fluke.  But earlier this year my cousin (on my mom’s side) had fraternal twin girls…so I think there might be something genetic going on.  Let’s hope she took one for the team and the twin gene skipped me! 

Mommy says:

Omg, twins would be so crazy and so fun too….  But yeah, hopefully your cousin was the lucky one!! 

Also, just wanted to share that even the craziest of sibling gaps can work wonderfully- my two brothers are TWENTY years apart.  And yes, we all have the same parents.  They had one in college and two in high school when SURPRISE, one more was on the way!  Yes, we were more like his cool aunts and uncle than typical siblings (obviously no fighting over toys, etc.),  but it was an amazing thing for my family and I can’t imagine our life without him as a part of it.  My parents fondly refer to him as the “caboose” of our family train.  My mom never thought she would be having another baby after 40, but funny things happen, and families come in all different varieties….  You seem like such an amazing family, and I know that however many more baby Spohrs are lucky enough to join you will be surrounded by love and laughter.  Whenever and however it happens for you, a family is a family, and yours is such a special one that has something amazing in store for you. ( Not that I am hoping you have a crazy situation like my parents, omg!  Hopefully you know what I mean. ;)) 

Wouldn’t it be cool if you did have twins and I could be like, oh I predicted that?!?  Would I get a prize or something??  Ha ha. 

Anyway….  Sending you lots of love, and thank you for sharing your sweet girls and your amazing blog with all of us.  All the best to you guys, always!! 

Heidi says:

My sister and I are 10 years apart and we’ve always been close.  So close in fact, that she was the surrogate for our baby girl who was born 18 months ago.  No matter the age gap, their relationship will be special and totally unique to the two of them! 

Carolyn says:

My daughters are almost exactly 4 years apart.  I LOVE the space between them.  I feel like we have had 4 years to really enjoy and soak up DD#1.  She started to ask for a sibling right around the time we were trying for baby #2!  Now that she’s in pre-K, I get some special one one one time with DD#2.  DD#1 is a big help with baby and she really ‘gets’ it.  She loves taking care of/entertaining her baby sister. 

My sister and I (same parents) are 10.75 years apart due to the fact that China has a one child per family law.  I got the benefit of always having a mother figure growing up when my parents were too busy working to deal with me.  There were some trying times when I was growing into adolescence and struggling to break out of the “you’re the baby and you don’t count” phase, but now that she’s a mother of two and I’m about to be married, I can say she’s never stopped being my best friend.  She’s also still a mother hen to me when I need it. 

Michele says:

My kids are 6 years apart almost to the day.  We were living in a 2 bedroom apartment when our daughter was born, and we said we’d wait until we could afford a house.  Once she was 3, with no house in sight, we said OK, in a year, ready or not.  When she was 4 I had a m/c and then got pregnant again a year later, shortly after she started kindergarten.  Our son was born 5 weeks early on June 8, 2010, just one day before his big sister’s 6th birthday! 

I’m not going to lie to you and gloss over the challenges of “longer” spacing.  It was like a re-boot.  All the freedoms we had gained with our six year old were revoked!  Newborn in the house!!  They are 2 and 8 now, and my biggest difficulty is finding things they both can do.  I take them to the park, but it’s always a trade off, do I go to the “baby” park and my daughter is bored?  Or the big kid park where he’s trying to copy his big sister on equipment for WAY bigger kids?  But the alternative was not having him, and obviously we’re glad we did. 

I hope it happens for you Heather, and soon.  Babydust and all that corny stuff people say. 

Erin says:

I can’t tell you how much I love this post!  Thinking happy baby thoughts for you!  I know how hard it can be to want to be pregnant and seeing babies everywhere.  But it will happen for you and soon, I just know it. 

Leslie says:

I became pregnant with my first son quickly at 39.  Son number two not so easy.  I was planning on IVF after many fruitless years of trying.  I was hit by an automobile while walking to work a week before I was scheduled to start treatment. 

Long story short after months of rehab, I ran to the fertility clinic explained what happened to me and asked if I could still go forward with the IVF.  I should add I was approaching my 45th birthday weeks before the treatment.  Meaning it was the cutoff age for the clinic to use my own eggs.  Of course the IVF didn’t work and my husband and I got the dreaded call on our anniversary in early September. 

While I was thinking about adoption, a funny thing happened in November I realized I was a little late for my period.  My husband asked if I tested and I said no figuring it was negative like all the others.  Well the test was positive and we have our delightful second son who is about five and one half years younger than his older brother. 

I was worried about the age gap but they delight in each others company and are truly the apple of each others eye. 

To help things along, I did acupuncture and used a ovulation prediction kit (Clear Blue Easy), but I think the best thing was to do a mental release and stopped being so hard on myself for having wilting ovaries and waiting until I was older to have children.  Things sometimes work out in ways we do not expect. 

Mommy says:

My sister is six years younger than I, and for us that did mean growing up with separate sets of friends and activities, and lots of sibling squally… but we also experienced our parents’ very, very messy divorce when she was 9 and I was 15 (with repurcussions lingering over 20 years later!)  So… we became close in our 20’s, and it turned out that we had developed lots of the same values and life choices. 
I do have great memories of visiting her and my mom on the Maternity ward (early 1980, peeking through the nursery window!)  the longest school day of my life the day she came home from the hospital, changing diapers, giving bottles, bringing toys to her crib and lying on the floor beside it when she was sick, her toddler years, her early birthday parties, driving her places when I got my driver’s license… .  Really age is ‘nothing but a number’.  They really will work out their own evolving dynamics through the years to come. 

It’s also hard because no matter the age, no matter the gender, there’s no guarantee.  There are some people in this world who couldn’t get along with their siblings for a million bucks, whether they’re close in age or not.  Either way, I’m sure Annie will be a fabulous big sister. 

I am nearly 6 years older than my brother & 8 years older than my sister…so it was kind of like being an only child with siblings.  Sometimes I was jealous of their closeness: they were that perfect 2 years apart.  But I loved being old enough to remember: my mom being pregnant with them, them being brought home from the hospital, holding each of them for the 1st time, & watching them grow.  I loved being a big sister (most of the time–there were those times when every older sib wants to be left alone & not deal with little kids!).  But I got to read to them, look out for them, hold their hands when we crossed the street (seriously: told my GRANDPARENTS they’d better let me hold my brother’s hand when we reached a corner one time: I was 7.  Knew it all!!!  LOL)
And as adults, there is no age gap: we have wonderful times together & have even all managed to move states so that we all live near each other again & I get to be auntie to their wonderful children. 
So no matter how old Annie is when her younger sibs come along, she’ll love it & it’ll be perfect (most days!  LOL)! 

Rachel says:

I am 7, 8 and 12 years older than my three little brothers – it’s a much more substantial difference than 3 or 4 years, but I think being the oldest sister and having memories of all of their milestones and things is so wonderful.  I remember meeting all of them for the first time, the hospital food while we waited for them, holding them for the first time.  Now that they’re all teenagers, our relationship is so special to me.  Being an “older” older sister is the coolest thing ever!! 

My sister and I are 4 years apart and didn’t have a close relationship growing up (not bad, just very separate lives) We’re very close now.  My youngest is 5 years younger than his nearest sibling.  The baby stage was great – I totally enjoyed having a baby again.  This was especially so because the other 2 were 2 years apart which I found very difficult.  They all get along, but I won’t lie – it’s hard to handle the schedules (may be because I have 3).  All-in-all, I have found it to be a mostly positive experience. 

Jordan B says:

My sister and I are four years apart.  We’re the best of friends.  We lived together in our early twenties and she’s always been a great role model for me.  Did I sometimes wish we went to high school together?  Yeah, but having that older sister to idolize and turn to when I needed help or advise was priceless.  I never felt like we were that far apart.  We always played together and hung out growing up.  No matter the age difference, having a sibling is a miracle on it’s own! 

I’m so happy to read all these comments with such great stories about bigger age gaps.  If (big if) we have another, they will have to be at least 5 years apart, thanks to my lovely cancer diagnosis, since that’s when the oncologist feels that my risk of recurrence would be much lower.  It’s great to see so many good stories!  My brother and I are 4 school years apart (3.5 years), and I actually really liked it.  It allowed both of us to be our own people, without having to live in the shadow/reputation of the sibling at the same school.  This was great because we are pretty much as different as you can get as far as our interests.  We’ve always been close, although when we were young, that closeness was shown through fighting (which I’m sure *delighted* my parents).  Now, we are even closer, which I love.