"Awkward silence." " Sheldon on his phone." " No touching." " Somebody's having date night." " It's actually steamier than it looks." " Sheldon's looking up the phallic symbolism of root vegetables in Renaissance paintings." " Oh, no, I got bored with that." " I'm just browsing cuticle scissors on Amazon." " How do you not tear off his clothes and take him here on this table?" " If you do that, I'll scream." " Sheldon, I have some exciting news to tell you." " That makes two of us." " My new cuticle scissors will be here in one to two business days." " Come on, one." " I've been invited to consult on an experiment at your university for a few months." " Isn't that great?" " We could have lunch together." " We could carpool." " You know, riding with Leonard has gotten a little tedious lately." " The only car game he ever wants to play is the Quiet Game." " And he's terrible at it." " I always win." "  So, you're okay with this?" "  Well, why wouldn't I be?" " Well, this project would have us working in close proximity to one another." " And there's the vulgar adage that one should not defecate where one eats." " My father used to say that all the time." " That and, "Who does one have to orally gratify to get a drink around here?"" " But what does that have to do with you working at the university?" " Sheldon, "Don't defecate where you eat,"" "means don't have a romantic relationship in the workplace." " Really?" " Yes." " Huh..." "I always took it literally." " That's why I have never once moved my bowels in this or any restaurant." " I'm relieved that you don't have a problem with us working together." " Not as relieved as I'm about to be." " It's a brave new world, little lady." " ♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS) ♪" "Are you crazy?" " You don't want your girlfriend at work with you." " Hell Clam." " Why not?" " Hairy Fairy." " I think it could be romantic." " You know, my parents met at his place of work." " Your father's a gynecologist." " I know." " What started as a pap smear turned into a date." " Which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which then turned into hatred, which continues to this day." " Two-Eyed Cyclops." " Would you please tell him this isn't a good idea?" " No." " I think it'll be great." " Maybe next time he gets conjunctivitis at work, she can hold his head and try to put the drops in his eyes." " Giant baby." " That's a Raging Ogre." " I know." " I'm just saying, I'd never want to work with Bernadette." " Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?" " Hold on." " We do that all the time." " You and I work together and play together." " I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman." " Bipolar Bear." " Well, I appreciate your concern, but I won't be seeing any more of Amy than I already do." " I assume we'll deduct any extra time we spend together at work from our weekly quota." " Please let me be there when you tell her that." " Why?" " So you can see the look on Amy's face when she hears my top-notch idea?" " Please, oh please, just let me be there." " So, Amy, what are you gonna be working on at Caltech?" " I'm leading a study to see if deficiency of the monoamine oxidase enzyme leads to paralyzing fear in monkeys." " If they're anything like humans, the answer's yes." " Wait, you've done this experiment on humans?" " You mean like death row inmates with nothing to lose?" " No, that would be unethical." " Not a lot of people know this, but the monoamine oxidase enzyme was discovered by a woman, Mary Bernheim." " That's right." " My phone is just as smart as you guys." "( KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "SHELDON:" "Amy, Bernadette, Penny." "( KNOCKING)" "Amy, Bernadette, Penny." " Amy, Bernadette, Penny." " He's never gonna stop doing that, is he?" " I don't mind." " I'm hoping to put his love of repetition to good use someday." " Um, I've reconsidered." " You can't work where I work." "  Enjoy the rest of your evening." "  Sheldon." " I already signed the contract." " I cashed a check." " Hmm." " You are not going to come out of this looking good." " Sheldon, I don't understand." " I thought you were fine with it." " Well, I was." " But that was before Howard explained to me how awful it would be if he had to work with his significant other." " He said what?" " Now, don't be insulted." " He just thinks too much of you would be mind-numbingly tedious." " Excuse me, I need to have a chat with my husband." " Well, now, keep it short." " From what I gather, brevity is your friend." " So, are we good here?" " No, we're not good here." " I am working on this project." " Yeah, you can't tell her what she can and cannot do." " Last week, you told Leonard he couldn't wear his Wookiee jacket out in public." " That's different." " I'm not going to the mall with someone dressed like a dumb space bear." " Sheldon, you don't have to worry about me bothering you." " I'll be in a different building, and we don't even have to have lunch together." "  Really?" "  Yes." " Before all things, I'm a scientist." " I'm just there to do my work and, with a little luck, scare the living crap out of some monkeys." " Hmm." " You sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?" " More and more sure." "  Well, then, you have my permission." "  I didn't ask for your permission." " Too late." " No backsies." " No, no, listen to me." " Sheldon misunderstood." " What I meant was, if we worked together, there'd be too much of me for you, not the other way around." " Howard, if you're going to lie to your wife, don't start the sentence with "Sheldon misunderstood."" "  That's a dead giveaway." "  Well?" " Okay, fine." " I did say that, and I think it's true." " I think if we worked together and lived together, we'd get sick of each other." " But to be fair, he only said the part about him getting sick of you." " For the love of God, why?" "!" " What exactly do you think you'd get sick of?" " His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one." " It's nothing in particular." " Is it my voice?" " Am I too bossy?" " My arm is feeling numb." " Nailed it." " That's the wrong arm for a heart attack, doofus." " My point is, I'm sure there are things about me that would drive you crazy if you had to deal with them all clay long." " Like looking me in the eye and lying to me?" " Come on, I just..." "Where am I supposed to look when I lie to you?" " Find somewhere else to sleep tonight." " Bernie..." "If it makes you feel any better, Amy and I are fine." " I mean, really good." " So, boys, how was the pajama party?" " You guys jump on the bed and sing into hair brushes?" " It wasn't a pajama party." " It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough and watching Princess Bride." " Please, stop talking." "" As you wish."" " You know, Sheldon, none of this would've happened if I hadn't tried to help you." " It also wouldn't have happened if, in the early universe, hydrogen was a little more common or a little less common." " This is fun." " Your turn." "  Gentlemen." "  Hey, Amy." " Hello." " That was kind of icy." " You two okay?" " We're fine." " As Howard advised, she's merely respecting our professional boundaries." " Smart." " Take relationship advice from a man who spent last night braiding Raj's hair." " You make a good point." " It would appear I was worried for nothing." " Look at her, desperately wishing she was over here at the cool table." " Don't worry, little moth." " The flame will come to you." " On the off chance that Bernadette doesn't call back and apologize, how do you feel about Mexican food for dinner tonight?" " I don't know." " Sounds kind of heavy." " That's 'cause you always fill up on chips." " And this is Dr. Gunderson from Stockholm." " Ah, Sweden." " Home of my favorite Muppet and second favorite meatball." " Okay, the Nordic reputation for lack of humor is well-founded." " Boy, is his name Gunderson or No-Funderson?" " Where are we going with this, Dr. Cooper?" " Please, I'm your boyfriend." " You call me Sheldon." " That's right, I am in a boy-girl relationship with this cute little lump of wool." "  Sheldon..." " it's a physical relationship, too." " Hand-holding, hugging..." "even on hot days." "( THUD)" "Ow!" " Okay, here's a new one." " Apparently now we kick each other in the shin under the table." " How do you like it when I do it to you?" "( THUD)" "Not so much, huh?" " Test subject D7, aka Betsy, fear response study." " Image number one:" "Frenchman on bicycle carrying baguettes." "( CLICK)" "No visible reaction." " Image number two: sousaphone." "( CLICK)" "Still no reaction." " Okay." " Let's kick things up a notch." " Image number three: crocodile with a mouthful of monkeys." "( SQUEALING)" "Okay, now we're talking." " Dr. Fowler?" " What do you want, Sheldon?" " Well, I'm done with work, so..." "(GASPS)" "Sorry, sorry, sorry." " Sorry." " Better?" " Baguettes." " Yes, I like baguettes." " What exactly are you doing?" " Determining baseline fear levels in Capuchin monkeys by measuring their response to visual stimuli." " So, goofing off." " As I was saying, I'm done with work and Leonard's not." " So good news, you get to take me home." " Play your cards right, I'll let you drive me past the lot where the buses park at night." " I can't leave now, Sheldon." " I'm very busy." " Besides, why would I want to do you a favor after the way you treated me in the cafeteria?" " Image number four: boa constrictor." "( MONKEY SQUEALS, SHELDON SHUDDERS)" "What on earth are you talking about?" " My behavior in the cafeteria was delightful." " Maybe your friend Gunderson needs to head over to IKEA and assemble a sense of humor." " You embarrassed me in front of my colleagues on my first day here." " Image number five:" "kitten in a teacup." " Oh..." " Embarrassed you?" "  You know what?" " I don't have time for this." " Find another way home." " I'm starting to get the sense that you're angry with me." "  Really?" " What tipped you off?" "  Couple things, actually." " Your tone of voice, your body language..." " Get out." "  Well, now, that." "( MONKEY SQUEALS)" "Image number six: woman giving birth." " Oh!" "( DOOR OPENS)" "It's 9:00." " Where you been?" " I had to take the bus home." " Fell asleep and missed my stop." " Oh, no." " Did you know that Los Angeles has a Little Sri Lanka?" "  I did not." "  Well, I do... now." " They're a lovely people." " Although terrifying when you wake up face-to-face with them." " If you're hungry, I brought home some mutton in coconut milk." " Why'd you get that?" " You hate lamb." " I was asking for directions." " Apparently, there was a communication problem." " I thought Amy was gonna drive you home." " I thought so, too, but she's acting very strangely." " I was discussing it with a Sri Lankan fellow on the bus, and he hypothesized that a tiger may have recently run across her shadow." " Although he may have just been trying to drum up business for his brother-in-law's witch doctor practice." " Okay, Sheldon, what happened between you and Amy?" " Well, can you believe she said I embarrassed her?" " Yeah." " But you didn't even hear the details." " Sheldon..." "I've known you a long time, and I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster." " Amy's right." " You're wrong." "  But you don't even know..." " Doesn't matter." "  But, now, but in my defense..." " Doesn't matter." " You're not listening to my side of it." " Okay, fine, Sheldon." " What is your side?" " Well..." "Nope, got to go with Amy on this one." " The shrimp was spicy." " You want a TUMS?" " You got the tropical fruit kind?" " No, if I buy those, I just go through them like candy." " Tell me about it." " One time, I swear I pooped out a stick of chalk." "( KNOCKING AT DOOR)" " I'll get it." "  Thanks." "  Hi." "  Hi." " I may have overreacted." " Well, I didn't handle it so great, either." " It's just sometimes I feel like you enjoy spending time with your friends more than with me." "  That's not true." "  It's not?" " You spend all day together at work, and then you all hang out at night playing games, going to the comic book store." " Last week, you two got a couples massage." " So, when you said you wouldn't want to spend that much time with me, it really hurt my feelings." " I get that." " I'm so sorry." " Starting tomorrow, I am turning over a new leaf." " Time with you is my number one priority." " Why tomorrow?" " Well, we're real close to finishing off the new Batman game." " It is awesome." " You should probably go after her." " Should I go after you?" " BERNADETTE:" "No!" " Thanks for getting me in trouble." "( Am)'" "Sheldon, what are you doing here so late?" " I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about what happened earlier between us." " Also, I had one heck of a bus nap." " Speaking of which, do you want some mutton in coconut milk?" "  No." "  I cannot give this stuff away." " What do you want?" " Amy, this isn't easy to say." " All relationships are difficult, but even more so when you're in one with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions and, frankly, who can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo." " Sheldon..." "you're not a weirdo." " I wasn't speaking about me." " I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off." " You know, introducing myself as your boyfriend." " Giving you the opportunity to drive me home." " Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor, the funniest kind of humor." "  What's your point?" "  My point is, we're a couple." " And..." "I like you for who you are." " Quirks and all." "  I like you, too." "  Well, I should hope so." " I don't see anyone else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense." " Not even a good-bye?" " You see, that's the kind of thing that makes people think you're weird." " AMY:" "Go away." " Poor kid." " She just doesn't see it." " I'm not apologizing to Howard." " He can come beg me on his knees." " Sheldon, too." " If I see him at work, I'm just going to ignore him." " All right, don't worry." " I talked to Leonard." " He is gonna sit the guys down and set them straight." " Laser's warmed up." " Pull!" "( English US" " SDH)"