iwylin/imbue_dearman_expert_annotations huggingface dataset:
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: oh yes you did and you know it, i already found out the truth because Jenny told me what you guys did the other day, but here you are lying to my face
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Describe — suggestion: You could tell your friend exactly what Jenny told you. 
Describe — rewrite: Jenny told me about the car incident so I know what happened, but here you are lying to my face.
Assert — suggestion: Your conversation partner is offering you what you are asking for! This is a great opportunity to reinforce and clarify your ask. You might ask, for example, on the modality or timeline of getting the payment.Ê
Assert — rewrite: Can we touch base tomorrow after I send you the bill?
Reinforce — suggestion: They're almost giving you what you want! Or at least the reimbursement part of it. Provide reinforcement to help make this more likely.
Reinforce — rewrite: Thank you. I appreciate you being willing to work with me on this. It means a lot. Can we touch base tomorrow after I send you the bill?
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Stay with your goals. This utterance moved you farther away from it.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: you just wont admit what you did, that really awful and I thought you were my friend but its clear to me you not
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Make less attacking statements and more statements about how you feel. 
Express — rewrite: I feel hurt because honestly is a really important characteristics of my friendship with you, and that is being broken right now.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: thats the best you can say, if you can lie to me about this then i dont think we can continue to be friends
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Assert — suggestion: Instead of setting this contingency, replace with an express. 
Assert — rewrite: It is hard for me to trust you when I think you are lying to me.
Reinforce — suggestion: Your friend is giving you what you want!
Reinforce — rewrite: I really appreciate you being willing to help out with the repair costs even if we disagree on some of the facts. That makes me trust you, and I see you value our friendship.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Stick with your goals, ignore the rest.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: its clear to me that your ego wont let you give in to your mistake, but I am still sending you the bill for sure
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Drop the judgments (stuff about the go, "for sure") and stick with the ask. 
Assert — rewrite: I will send you the bill. Can we follow up tomorrow?
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: I'm not happy with you any longer because you're owing me a lot of money promising to pay back soon but you haven't. 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Be more specific with how much money, and how often, your friend is borrowing.
Describe — rewrite: You owe me $1,000 from the last time I lent you money. You promised to pay it back within a month, but it's been 6 months.
Express — suggestion: You are not unhappy with your friend, but with what they are doing. Be specific about that. Also be specific with the emotion that you are feeling. 
Express — rewrite: I am frustrated that I keep lending you money and don't get reimbursed."
Assert — suggestion: It is important to make your ask really clear. Do you want your colleague to pay you back? Do you want your colleague to apologize for not paying you back? To acknowledge that you're unhappy? Make sure to tell her what you want her to do.
Assert — rewrite: You owe me $1,000 from the last time I lent you money. You promised to pay it back within a month, but it's been 6 months. I am frustrated that I keep lending you money and don't get reimbursed. I am not going to lend you more money until you pay me back what you owe me and learn how to budget properly.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: You sound very ridiculous, I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Drop the judgment! Your colleague is not going to want to give you the money if you are being judgmental, and you are potentially harming your relationship with her. Stick to the facts and your ask.
Assert — rewrite: I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money. I am not going to give you more money.
Reinforce — suggestion: Give them a stronger reason to give you what you want!
Reinforce — rewrite: I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money. I am not going to give you more money. If you pay me back what you currently owe me we can discuss another loan.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: Currently, I need the total money you owed me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. Can't you change for ones?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Say no again. 
Assert — rewrite: Currently, I need the total money you owned me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. I cannot lend you more money until I am paid back what you owe me.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: It is better you have what to give me at this moment and I want to know how you intend to pay the rest of the money as soon as possible. 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: This doesn't make much sense, it might be hard for your colleague to understand. Also, it is important to be specific with what you mean by "better." It is better for you, but not really better for your friend! You might use express with, for example: "I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment."
Express — rewrite: I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment.
Reinforce — suggestion: Using reinforce will help your colleague accept a no and pay you back sooner.
Reinforce — rewrite: I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment. Can we come up with a plan for how you will pay back the rest of the money? Then we can think about how to get you the money you need for your expenses.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: You sound nice by saying by the month end but I urgently need money now, so I'm considering weekly payments 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Express your appreciation for how they are behaving, not something about them. 
Express — rewrite: I see and appreciate that you're trying to pay the funds back by the end of this month.
Assert — suggestion: Be specific what you want something from them. 
Assert — rewrite: Can you pay me back in four weekly installments rather than one lump sum at the end of the month?
Reinforce — suggestion: Be more specific than just nice. 
Reinforce — rewrite: I know it is hard for you to pay me back and I see how hard you're working to do that. I admire your integrity and it makes me trust you more.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: Actually I feel sad about all this because I gave you the money at once but you're breaking it in parts which would make the money not useful to me to solve my problem at once 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Reinforce — suggestion: They are giving you exactly what you want.
Reinforce — rewrite: Thank you.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Stick with the ask/negotiation.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: How much do you intend to pay weekly until you pay the last penny you owe?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: How many weeks do you think it'll take you to complete the total payment because I'm considering if you should increase it a bit
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Assert — suggestion: Keep your assert to just one ask. In this case you are wondering how long the payment will take and also vaguely threatening to increase it. 
Assert — rewrite: I need you to tell me how long it will take for you to pay me back. If it takes longer, I may have to ask you to pay some interests.
Reinforce — suggestion: You're getting when you asked for!
Reinforce — rewrite: I appreciate that, thank you so much.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: I appreciate that, thank you so much.
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: I would really like you to maintain this weekly payment as you've agreed to pay the fixed amount. I won't want any disappointment from you this time! 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money 
Message: I'll be very happy and  relieved if you could stick to this agreement and finish the payment as we've agreed. Trust me, with this, I'll always help you whenever I can.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: its quite alarming how you have changed over the years, everyone else is seeing this but apparently you are not
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
Describe — rewrite: You used to [insert example of past behavior], and now you [insert example of how it's changed]. Other people have commented on this to me, such as [insert people who have mentioned this concern].
Express — suggestion: Try focusing more on your feelings with "I" statements - those can't be argued with!
Express — rewrite: You used to [insert example of past behavior], and now you [insert example of how it's changed]. Other people have commented on this to me, such as [insert people who have mentioned this concern]. I care about you a lot, so I feel concerned and upset about this change.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: you obviously should be making a good examples to others, my kids look up to you and seeing you like this is killing me because I cannot watch you destroy your life like this
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on your feelings.
Express — rewrite: You are so important to me and it's painful for me to watch you struggle this much. I also know how much my kids look up to you and I feel concerned that they might start smoking too.
Assert — suggestion: It is important to keep coming back to your ask to keep orienting the conversation back to what you need.
Assert — rewrite: You are so important to me and it's painful for me to watch you struggle this much. I also know how much my kids look up to you and I feel concerned that they might start smoking too. It's important to me that you address your smoking habits with a professional.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: you yourself at the mirror, look back five years from today, there is serious difference and you know it, you not treating yourself right and your body might just break down soonest if you dont do othing about it
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
Describe — rewrite: I can see the negative impact of smoking on your body. For instance, [provide specific examples].
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: even if you think it has nothing to do with it, why not at least get to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: It's helpful to be very clear with your Assert - express this as something that you would like to happen.
Assert — rewrite: I would like you to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong.
Reinforce — suggestion: Remind your sister of the benefits that would come with honoring your request.
Reinforce — rewrite: I would like you to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong. That way, you and I can both have peace of mind.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: you  were full of life when we were young, we had series of adventures together, you were the positive ones and you had great idea about how you want you life to be like but today look at you
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focus on describing the details.
Describe — rewrite: We had fun together when we were young and now I'm noticing that I don't see you smile as often.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: no you not, you are 30 years older than you look, you always feel tired, you now look old with pale skin and you wont admit it
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on the facts.
Describe — rewrite: You've often told me that you feel more tired than you used to.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: why cant you see that all this recent condition only started when you took on the habit of smoking, I am trying to help you here
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
Express — rewrite: I feel frustrated when we try to talk about this together and really sad when I think about how it's impacting our relationship.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: the other day you just collapse and refuse to get medical help, its getting worse by the day, why are you refusing help
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try sticking to the facts here.
Describe — rewrite: The other day I watched you collapse and when I tried to call for medical help, you refused. 
Express — suggestion: Expressing how you feel about this situation will help keep the conversation on track and focused on your relationship with your sister.
Express — rewrite: The other day I watched you collapse and when I tried to call for medical help, you refused. I care about you and this kind of thing makes me feel afraid for your health.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: Remind your sister of the benefits that she would get if she honored your request.
Reinforce — rewrite: why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you. You could also feel more confident in your health.
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: for the sake of mom and dad just see a doctor once and give them that assurance that you fine
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: you dont want them to always be thinking about you, considering their age, i believe getting them rest assured about your health is also good for your health, they love you too much you know, you have always been their favorite and seeing you like this break their heart
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
Message: if you love them you should considering doing this one thing for them considering the number of sacrifices they have done for you
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: Try using less judgmental language - that will reduce the odds of your sister responding with defensiveness.
Reinforce — rewrite: I know that you love them and don't want them to be concerned. If you go to the doctor, they will feel much more at peace, which I know you care about.
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: I know you are my mom but you are beginning  to annoy me with your attitude
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You can consider using the "Describe" strategy here to help set up the situation and explain it in objective terms
Describe — rewrite: You've been involving yourself in my family's affairs recently, and when you do so I feel annoyed
Express — suggestion: phrase the situation in "I" terms (first-person) rather than "you" terms (second-person)
Express — rewrite: I know you are my mom but I feel annoyed when you get involved in my family's affairs
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You should try to describe the situation in more objective terms based on what has actually happened
Describe — rewrite: I have successfully dealt with my family matters on my own in the past and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
Express — suggestion: You should describe your wants more explicitly
Express — rewrite: its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and I don't want you to share your experience in these moments
Assert — suggestion: I can see you are doing a good job describing your perception of the situation. At the same time, it would be helpful to lay out your ask and specific behaviors you want the other party to perform.
Assert — rewrite: its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and I would really like it if you would not get involved in these issues
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: telling my kids what to do after i have given them an instruction even though it goes contrary to what i said, whats that exactly
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Describe — suggestion: You should try to speak in specific, factual terms rather than generalizations
Describe — rewrite: The other day you told my kids to do something contrary to my previous instruction
Express — suggestion: You can consider using the "Express" strategy here because it goes well with your description of the events, and helps make the description more useful
Express — rewrite: when you told my kids what to do after I had just given them an instruction even though it was contrary to what I said, I felt frustrated and stressed
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Don't get off topic by bringing up a previous incident and asking about it / instigating another argument
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: you are trying make my kids rebelious as you begining to spoil them
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Express — suggestion: use I statement to express your frustration, rather than you statement, which can sound accusative. 
Express — rewrite: From my perspective, I feel frustrated because the kids sometimes were confused by different instructions coming from you and me. 
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here because it shows your mom the positive outcome of what listening to you would bring
Reinforce — rewrite: It would be a lot easier on me as a parent if you didn't give my kids conflicting instructions 
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Keep your focus on your ultimate goal of having your mom be less involved in your family matters -- don't make assumptions about her behavior that could distract from this
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, i wonder how you find out about it, you just come in and try to tell us what to do like we are children
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You should speak in more explicit and less generalized terms and stick to the facts
Describe — rewrite: In the past you have also made comments about issues my husband and I have had with each other
Express — suggestion: You should state your feelings more explicitly 
Express — rewrite: what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, I feel confused when you just come in and try to tell us what to do. This makes me feel insulted and patronized
Assert — suggestion: The description here is sticking to the fact, which is great. At the same time, try adding in what you are asking the other person to do can help move the conversation forward.
Assert — rewrite: In the past you have also made comments about issues my husband and I have had with each other, and I would feel much more respected if you allowed us to figure out our issues on our own
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: the only thing i want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman i am
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: You should be more specific about what "giving some space" looks like so that your mom knows exactly what you want from her
Assert — rewrite: What i want is for you to give me some space by not giving my children conflicting instructions and making suggestions to me and my husband
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here to explain the benefits of how your mom changing her behavior will improve your relationship
Reinforce — rewrite: What I want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman I am, which would make me feel so relieved and less overwhelmed, and feel more understood by you
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: exactly, I am not trying to make you an outsider but i am a woman and i deserve to take care of my family without any ones input
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Express — suggestion: You should express your desire to not make your mom an outsider in more explicit feeling terms 
Express — rewrite: exactly, I don't want you to feel like an outsider but i am a woman and i deserve to take care of my family without any ones input
Assert — suggestion: You should ask clearly for what you want differently from your mom 
Assert — rewrite: exactly, I am not trying to make you an outsider and at the same time I would really like to be able to take care of my family in my own way without your input or suggestions
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Don't get distracted by talking about what you deserve as a woman and instead stick to the concrete goal of having your mom be less involved
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would do well to get you involve
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Be more specific about your ask for help in these situations
Assert — rewrite: Yes, and when a time comes up when I feel like I do want your input, I would also appreciate it if I could ask for your advice
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here because your mom may not know that you also would really like and value her opinion in some situations 
Reinforce — rewrite: just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would like to be able to get you involved, and it would make me feel very close to you to know that I could ask for your help in these situations
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: i promise you I would be the best to my kids and teach them same way you have taught me
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Negotiate — suggestion: You can try framing this in a way that reassures your mom's concerns
Negotiate — rewrite: I hear that you also want what's best for my kids. In the moments where I don't want advice or suggestions, I want you to know that I will do my very best to parent them and teach them in the same way that you taught me which was so helpful
Situation (family): my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
Message: I know how peaceful you want my marriage to be, and i promise nothing would come between my husband and I
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I went out for drinks with a colleague from work, nothing more, nothing less. I am not dating anyone from the office as a coworker has reported.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the âReinforceâ strategy here because your boss may need more buy-in to see how your solution will be better for them
Reinforce — rewrite: I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources, and that suspending me based on this information alone will hurt the companyâs productivity
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I would really appreciate it if you didn't suspend me. If the colleague came forward to corroborate my statement, can we stop the suspension and investigation?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Be more factual and less subjective / emotional in your description
Describe — rewrite: There is no evidence of workplace romance or public displays of affection, simply that two individuals got drinks together, which is a common occurrence among colleagues. There is no rule in the company policy against this.
Express — suggestion: To refrain from getting argumentative, you could try inserting some âExpressâ strategies and stating your feelings and opinions plainly
Express — rewrite: There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague, and this expectation is not a part of our policy. I feel that it is unfair to hold us to standards that are not included or outlined to us in our company policy.
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Express — suggestion: You should avoid starting your opinions as fact
Express — rewrite: There was no improper conduct and I feel disappointed as though my statements are not being taken as seriously as my coworkerâs.
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the âReinforceâ strategy because it makes it more clear to your boss what youâre goal is out of this conversation
Reinforce — rewrite: There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying. I would really like to come to a solution where I donât get punished before an investigation is completed.
Negotiate — suggestion: You can consider using the âNegotiateâ strategy because it shows your boss that youâre willing to give a little to get something and work with him
Negotiate — rewrite: There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying. How can we come to a solution that doesnât result in me getting punished before a result is found to the investigation?
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Try not to get distracted by starting to talk about the coworker that reported you and stay focused on your goal for yourself and your own job
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: At the very least, I should be suspended with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Negotiate — suggestion: Try to be open and non emotional about alternative solutions to show that you are being collaborative 
Negotiate — rewrite: One potential alternative solution is to suspend me with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I would feel much better about this situation if I knew the allegations against me or that there were better policies in place that didn't automatically punish anyone accused of inter-office relationships, just for getting drinks after work.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I would like to know a timeline for the suspension and investigation. This information would make me much more willing to comply with the investigation.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: Perhaps, you could tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: No; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here to provide a potential reward for your boss negotiating with you.
Reinforce — rewrite: Perhaps, you could tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken? I would feel much more secure in this job position if I could gauge how long I will be without pay, and may need to look into additional support so that I can feel financially stable during this time.
Appear Confident — suggestion: You can stand to be more assertive with this request of your boss, rather than making a more passive suggestion
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: You could more directly share what the benefits would be to both of you if you know how long you should expect to be out of work.
Reinforce — rewrite: I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take. I like this job and don't want to look for alternatives, so it would be helpful to have a timeframe for how long I should expect to be out of work.
Situation (work): My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
Message: I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: You can try phrasing your ask more assertively, using "I want" rather than "should".
Assert — rewrite: I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I do not want to be punished for something I did not do.
Negotiate — suggestion: You can consider using the "Negotiate" strategy here because your boss has denied your request for pay several times already, so it may be helpful to turn the problem over to them for a potential solution
Negotiate — rewrite: I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do. How can we come to a compromise on this?
Situation (family): My teenage son has been spending an excessive amount of time on his computer and neglecting his schoolwork, despite my previous attempts to discuss the importance of balance and responsibility.
Message: Hey, I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time on your computer recently and it's been affecting your schoolwork. I'm concerned about your grades and your future, and I think we should discuss finding a better balance between your computer time and school responsibilities.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: Strong; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): My teenage son has been spending an excessive amount of time on his computer and neglecting his schoolwork, despite my previous attempts to discuss the importance of balance and responsibility.
Message: I understand that you might not be failing right now, but I believe there's room for improvement. Your education is important for your future, and I want to make sure you have the best opportunities. Balancing your online activities with schoolwork can help you in the long run. We can find ways to make school more engaging too if you're finding it boring.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): My teenage son has been spending an excessive amount of time on his computer and neglecting his schoolwork, despite my previous attempts to discuss the importance of balance and responsibility.
Message:  I appreciate that you've finished your homework, but it's not just about completing assignments. It's about maintaining a healthy balance. Spending excessive time on the computer can affect your overall well-being, and it's important to have time for other activities, like physical exercise and spending time with family. I want you to have a well-rounded life and not miss out on important experiences.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: I would suggest to use express more heavily to express appreciation and understanding of the other person's point of view. 
Express — rewrite: I appreciate that you have finished your schoolwork. I can see that you know the importance of that and are responsible of your learning. 
Reinforce — suggestion: Instead of only listing alternative activities that the son coulding be doing, take a step further and list out some benefits of doing exercise. 
Reinforce — rewrite: Activities such as physical exercise could be a great social tool as well (if computer serves a social functioning for the son). At the same time, you will have better physical health, feel more energetic, and can do more fun stuff with you friends while getting good grades. 
Negotiate — suggestion: Negotiate is about knowing what the other person wants and offer solutions that can help both parties to each an agreeable goal. 
Negotiate — rewrite: I appreciate that you've finished your homework, but it's not just about completing assignments. It's about maintaining a healthy balance. I understand that computer is where you communicate and socialize with your friends. At the same time, there are many ways of socializing that can strenthen your friendship while bring you other benefits. Are you open to talk about those alternatives?