iwylin/imbue_dearman_expert_annotations huggingface dataset:
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: Excuse me sir but I can't help but notice that you're on your phone.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You should describe the problem more clearly here and describe the repeated noise from their phone
Describe — rewrite: Excuse me sir your phone is not on silent and you keep getting alerts, I'm having a hard time staying focused with the noise it's making. 
Express — suggestion: Consider including the Express skill upfront to make it clear why you are approaching this person.
Express — rewrite: Excuse me sir your phone is not on silent and you keep getting alerts, I'm having a hard time staying focused with the noise it's making.
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate if you can.  
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: No; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Negotiation by saying "if you can," is not necessary at this stage, stick to clearly asserting your request. 
Assert — rewrite: Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate.
Reinforce — suggestion: Connecting your request to a positive outcome might make the person more likely to agree. 
Reinforce — rewrite: Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate if you can.  
Negotiate — suggestion: Negotiation by saying "if you can," is not necessary at this stage, stick to clearly asserting your request. 
Negotiate — rewrite: Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate.
Appear Confident — suggestion: Couching your request in the phrases, "I would like to kindly ask" and "if you can" make it seem like you're unsure that you deserve to make this request.
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: But we're at a library and we're all here to do work.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: When you use the express skill, you should focus on using 'I statements' and express how the situation you described impacts you.
Express — rewrite: But we are at a library and your constant phone rings distracts me from my work.
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: To make the describe skill more effective, you should include why the behavior is problematic 
Describe — rewrite: But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts and it is disturbing me while I'm trying focus on my work. 
Express — suggestion: Consider using the express skill again here because you can't expect the guest to read your mind or know why the sound of the texts is a problem
Express — rewrite: But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts and it is disturbing me while I'm trying focus on my work.
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: You can also feel the vibrations on your phone too right? 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: When using the assert skill, you should clearly state your wishes without beating around the bush or asking rhetorical or indirect questions
Assert — rewrite: I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to mute so you donÕt feel the vibration.
Situation (social): At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.  
Message: Sir please set it to vibrate. If I can hear my phone vibrate, i'm sure you can as well.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: You can strengthen your reinforce skill here by being more clear about how the outcome will positively benefit both you and the guest 
Reinforce — rewrite: I am sure if you set it to vibrate, both of us can be more focused on work.
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: Hi! So I ordered a Blue Moon but you brought me a Samuel Adams. This is the second time.  Is everything okay?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: I know it's a great beer. In fact I usually drink that too if there's no Blue Moon.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Express — suggestion: Using the express skill here will help the server understand why this problem is important to you and may motivate them to agree to your request 
Express — rewrite: I'm confident I ordered Blue Moon twice because that is the beer I really wanted. I'm feeling frustrated that you brought something else twice instead of telling me you didn't have Blue Moon. 
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Staying mindful means holding your ground and avoiding being distracted by the server's comments about how good the other beer tastes.
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: Well I appreciate that. You could have told me that when it happened the first time.  Right?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Using the express skill would communicate to the server why this situation matters to you. 
Express — rewrite: Well I appreciate that. I'm disappointed that you did not tell me that when it happened the first time so I could order something else. 
Assert — suggestion: Your questions should be directly related to your goal of getting the beer you ordered. 
Assert — rewrite: Well I appreciate that. But I would like to kindly ask you to bring me the beer I first asked about.
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: No worries. Why no Blue Moon? I'm just curious.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: No; Stay Mindful: No
Appear Confident — suggestion: Consider whether the server's behavior really caused you "no worries," you can be kind and still stay confident in your request. 
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Staying mindful means maintaining your position and avoiding being distracted onto other topics like the beer supply chain
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: What other beers do you have?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Negotiate — suggestion: When your initial request is denied or not possible, consider using the negotiate to ask the other person for alternative solutions
Negotiate — rewrite: Do you have other beer that are similar in taste to the one I wanted?
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Being mindful means maintaining your position and coming back to your original goal.
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: What about Samuel Adams? They have different flavors.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Negotiate — suggestion: The negotiate strategy is often most effective from a self-respect perspective when you ask the other person to generate alternative solutions. 
Negotiate — rewrite: Do you have other beer that are similar in taste to the one I wanted?
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: I'll try the Boston Lager. 
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time.  I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
Message: I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right?  Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: When using the assert skill, you should clearly and concise in stating what you are asking.
Assert — rewrite: I would like to kindly ask you to please bring me the beer I asked for and not charge me for the two you brought by mistake.
Reinforce — suggestion: Including a positive consequence with your ask increases the likelihood that the person will agree.
Reinforce — rewrite: I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right?  Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is. I hope we can resolve this so I can feel comfortable coming back here with my friends in the future.
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, you can't expect me to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try to stick to the facts of the situation and not mix in feelings or judgments. 
Describe — rewrite: We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, I'm feeling stressed because I cannot afford to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation on my own. 
Express — suggestion: Using express here would help your friend understand why this is a problem for you and motivate him to help find solutions. 
Express — rewrite: We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, I'm feeling stressed because I cannot afford to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation on my own.
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: When you expect me to pay to fly across the country to be at your wedding, it makes me feel like you don't care if I'm at the wedding.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: Weak; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: You could be more specific in using assert to let your friend know exactly how much help you need and also directly ask rather than beating around the bush
Assert — rewrite: I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder half of the total of my flight and accommodations.
Reinforce — suggestion: You could more directly share what the benefits would be to both of you if he was able to help pay for your costs. 
Reinforce — rewrite: I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations. I would really like to be at your wedding and I am sure you would be happy too.
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: I would be overjoyed to be a part of your wedding if you could find it in your budget to help me be there. It would certainly help ensure that I can be there.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: Strong; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: I understand your budget is tight and so is mine. How about your consider it a loan that I repay in kind when I invite you to be my best man at my wedding?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: How about you help shoulder the cost of the flight and accommodations for your wedding and I'll do the same for you for my wedding.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else, if you could help with my flight or accomodations.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Negotiate — suggestion: The argument is hitting a dead end and negotiation can help turn the tables to get the other person's input or generate new ideas. 
Negotiate — rewrite: I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else. Do you have any other ideas about how we can make this work?
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: Perhaps, you could just pay for my accommodations while there for your wedding/
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Reinforce — suggestion: The conversation is hitting a dead end so reinforcing the ask with the value of the relationship can help to achieve the goal and also preserve the relationship
Reinforce — rewrite: It would mean so much to me to stand next to you as your best man and I really want to support you as you start this next phase of your life. Would you be willing to pay for my accommodations for me to be there?
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: We have been friends a really long time and you have asked me to be your best man, I'm not just any guest at your wedding.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
Message: I would really appreciate even a small contribution to my cost to be at your wedding, since you made me your best man.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (family): collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
Message: you know for sure i hate what you doing, i have warned you several times but you just wont stop it
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Stick the facts of the situation and try not expect the other person to mind read what you're talking about 
Describe — rewrite: We have talked about this several times. I do not like you taking money from my bank account without telling me, but you have not made any changes. 
Express — suggestion: Clearly express how the behavior makes you and feel and the impact it has on you 
Express — rewrite: What you do makes me very upset and the fact that you never change despite my effort talking to you about it makes me feel not respected
Situation (family): collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
Message: taking money from my bank account is not the way to go, even if you need money and you do not have it, why transfer money from my account when ever I am asleep, isnt that stealing?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: In a conversation that may easily turn into an argument, make sure that you are using description to ground in facts so that you are not making accusations that may increase the defensiveness of the other person. 
Describe — rewrite: The situation here is that you have been taking money from my back account and my purse without me knowing it. I understand that you are under financial stres sometimes. 
Assert — suggestion: it is important to keep coming back to your ask to keep orienting the conversation back to what you need.
Assert — rewrite: The situation here is that you have been taking money from my back account and my purse without me knowing it. I understand that you are under financial stres sometimes. I would like to help you brainstorm ways to deal with that and at the same time please stop taking my money without my consent.
Situation (family): collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
Message: well you making it sound like we haven't talked about it several time, there is a budget and if you have any expense then fit it into the budget, its much more easier that way but no you don't, you go behind my back to collect money
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: This is a good description of the behavior that you would like the other person to change. Remember, always end an assertive statement so that the other person knows what is the appropriate behavior.
Assert — rewrite: I woud like you to plan out your expense so that it can fit into the budget, to prevent similar situations from happening again.
Situation (family): collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
Message: you know thats not the only thing, how about how you have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: You can strengthen your use of the express skill by including how these actions and consequences have made you feel. 
Express — rewrite: You have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me. If you would stop taking the money without asking, I wouldn't be in these situations where I feel helpless and I would feel less anger and frustration towards you. 
Reinforce — suggestion: Using reinforce here would help provide positive consequences for the partner to change their behavior. 
Reinforce — rewrite: You have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me. If you would stop taking the money without asking, I wouldn't be in these situations where I feel helpless and I would feel less anger and frustration towards you.
Situation (family): collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
Message: no you not sorry, you have cost me several embarrassment because of that, you take money from my wallet last minute and i leave thinking i have money an when its time to make use of it i always feel shock and surprise with the outcome
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Being mindful means staying focused on achieving the goal without getting off topic, since the goal is achieved, the conversation should end.
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: Hey, can we talk? We need to have a serious conversation about how you treat me.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Nice assertion of needs! You might try using a gentler opening to reduce the odds of your coworker responding with defensiveness. 
Assert — rewrite: Hey, can we talk? I'd like to talk with you about our interactions at work.
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you take advantage of my kindness at work. I can't keep helping you with your work while doing my own.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You might want to Describe the situation first so that you and your coworker can start on the same page with facts about the situation.
Describe — rewrite: Last week you asked me to do your work for you, which made me feel frustrated. I can't keep helping you with your work while also doing my own. 
Express — suggestion: Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
Express — rewrite: I feel frustrated when you ask me to help out with your work. I can't keep helping you with your work while also doing my own.
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: No. You do this all the time. At first it was just once in a while, now you'll ask me to do your work whenever you don't feel like it. It's not right or fair.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Using specific examples helps with sticking to the facts. 
Describe — rewrite: No. I was willing to help you out when your requests weren't very frequent. You've asked me for help much more often lately, such as [insert specific examples here].
Express — suggestion: Stick to "I" statements when expressing how you're feeling. 
Express — rewrite: No. I was willing to help you out when your requests weren't very frequent. You've asked me for help much more often lately, such as [insert specific examples here]. I feel like I'm not getting the same support that I've been giving you, which is making our relationship feel one-sided.
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: No, it's not right and I do not want to continue doing this. I've come to you first because I walk to work something out between us, but if you continue to use me I'll have no choice but to go to our supervisor and complain. I don't want to do this, but I will if we cannot come to an understanding.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Weak; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Try sticking to your personal experience and "I" statements when using the Express skill. 
Express — rewrite: No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided.  I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily. 
Reinforce — suggestion: The Reinforce skill can help remind people that there's a positive side to honoring your request.
Reinforce — rewrite: No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided. I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily. Please do not ask me to help with your work tasks again. Alternatively, if you ask for help, I'll ask that you help me with something in return. This way we can both have a more positive working relationship.
Negotiate — suggestion: Negotiation can be more effective when presented as specific options and with non-threatening language.
Negotiate — rewrite: No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided. I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily. Please do not ask me to help with your work tasks again. Alternatively, if you ask for help, I'll ask that you help me with something in return.
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: Here is one solution. You do your work and I do mine. You can no longer push your work onto me. I'll help if you really need it, but you will not continue to take advantage of my kindness.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Strong; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: Strong; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: So we have come to an understanding? You agree with me?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (work): My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
Message: Thank you as well. I'm glad we could work this out between ourselves.
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Strong; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: you know you are my friend and i wont lie to you ever, i just want to say what you doing is wrong
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try to avoid using extreme language, like "ever" - this can move the conversation away from facts.
Describe — rewrite: You know you are my friend and I don't want to lie to you.
Express — suggestion: Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
Express — rewrite: You know you are my friend and I don't want to lie to you. I want to tell you that the way that you talk to me about your situation with your in-laws has been upsetting to me.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: well you trying to make your husband choose between you and his family is certainly not the right way to go you know
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
Describe — rewrite: By doing [insert examples], it seems to me like you want your husband to choose between his family and you.
Express — suggestion: Expressing your feelings in this situation might help your friend understand your perspective.
Express — rewrite: By doing [insert examples], it seems to me like you want your husband to choose between his family and you. This is painful for me to hear because I care a lot about you and your husband.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: but you have always hated them right from the start and nothing they have done have ever been pleasing to you
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
Describe — rewrite: You expressed frustrations about your in-laws early on in your relationship, like the time that [insert examples].
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: its true, not everyone can cope with your attitude, the problem is you wont admit that you are wrong, you have never been tolerant around your inlaws, you always shun them and you down play everything they do
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Avoid using extreme language like âneverâ and âalwaysâ â these are easy to argue with.
Describe — rewrite: You've struggled with your inlaws in the past, like when they [insert example].
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: the other day at your birthday, you were very rude to your husbands parent, and you feel they trying to drain your husband financially when you know for sure he cannot abandon his family in their point of need
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Using non-judgmental language will be more helpful in this situation. Also, try to avoid telling someone else how they think and feel.
Describe — rewrite: The other day at your birthday, you acted [insert objective behaviors you observed].  
Express — suggestion: Expressing your feelings and the impact that this situation has on you directly will help keep the conversation on a more productive track.
Express — rewrite: The other day at your birthday, you acted [insert objective behaviors you observed].  This made me feel sad for you and your relationship with them.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: why not se how selfish and self centered you have become, you forget so soon how your husband parent sacrifice so much when his business was about going bankrupt and safe him from financial ruin, today the table turn and you acting so heartless towards them
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on the facts.
Describe — rewrite: I can't help but think about how your husband's parents helped him when his business was about going bankrupt.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: they got you a gift and you had to publicly embarrass them because its not expensive enough to your taste, thats rude and heartless
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focus on describing the details - think about what a video camera would see.
Describe — rewrite: They got you a gift and you said "This is not to my taste". They seemed embarrassed because of [insert specific behavior, like crying or verbally expressing embarrassment].
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: you are not being truthful here, i see how you treat people you feel are not in your class or level, you not a very nice person
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
Express — rewrite: It upsets me when you act this way.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: I am beginning to reconsider our friendship, because who knows tomorrow and how you would treat me, if you can treat your in-laws in such a way
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Expressing your feelings in this situation might help your friend understand your perspective.
Express — rewrite: I feel concerned about what this means for how you would act towards me moving forward, so I would like to have some space between us in our friendship.
Assert — suggestion: Keep your Assert clear and focused on what's happening in your relationship with your friend.
Assert — rewrite: I would like to have some space between us in our friendship.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: you treat your maid like a slave, you have had to hire several maid because they kept on quitting, and same goes to everyone that ever worked for you, you not a good person and you should change starting with your In-laws
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Avoid using extreme language like âneverâ and âalwaysâ â these are easy to argue with.
Describe — rewrite: There have been other times that seem similar to this, which makes me think that there's a pattern. For example, there have been several times that your maids have quit and they stated to you that it was because of how poorly you treated them. 
Express — suggestion: Expressing how you feel about this situation will help keep the conversation on track and focused on your relationship with your friend.
Express — rewrite: There have been other times that seem similar to this, which makes me think that there's a pattern. For example, there have been several times that your maids have quit and they stated to you that it was because of how poorly you treated them. This makes me feel concerned about how you might also treat me.
Situation (social): my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and  try to reconcile with her inlaws
Message: I feel you should apologies to your in-laws and your husband as well, you should change your character as in whole, try and be nice to people more often
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Assert — suggestion: Keep your Assert focused on your relationship with your friend and try to avoid using judgmental language.
Assert — rewrite: These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here].
Reinforce — suggestion: Remind your friend of the benefits that would come with honoring your request.
Reinforce — rewrite: These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here]. That would improve our relationship and would make me want to do nice things for you more often as well.
Negotiate — suggestion: Try providing an alternative for your friend when you make this assertion.
Negotiate — rewrite: These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here]. That would improve our relationship and would make me want to do nice things for you more often as well. The alternative option is that we take some space from one another.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: what exactly happened to my car the other day you took it out?
Expert skill ratings — Describe: No; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: You and your friend might not agree on the facts. It is important for you to be on the same page.
Describe — rewrite: Yesterday when you took out my car, you returned it with a dent in the door. You did not tell me that anything happened when you returned my car.  The auto shop quoted me at $100 to fix it. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
Express — suggestion: If you friend knows how you feel about the situation they might responding better by giving you what you want and being more empathic.
Express — rewrite: Yesterday when you took out my car, you returned it with a dent in the door. You did not tell me that anything happened when you returned my car.  I am hurt that you did not tell me this happened.  I wish you would have told me about it. The auto shop quoted me at $100 to fix it. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
Assert — suggestion: Split the assert into its two separate components (the admit goal and the reimbursement goal) and be very clear with what you are asking for. 
Assert — rewrite: I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: dont call that minor, my bumper fell off when i took it for a ride and when i take it to the mechanic there were series of fault which wasnt on the car before you took it out
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Assert — suggestion: I don't think there should be an assert here at all - stick to your original assert, not a new one of asking them to change their language. 
Assert — rewrite: There is more than just an additional little scratch on my car. The bumper fell off and, when I took it to the mechanic, there were series of fault which wasn't on the care before you took it out.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Don't let your conversation partner throw you off your goals, be mindful of what you are asking for and stick to it like a broken record.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: how rude of you to say such nonsense, i trusted you with my property and then you misuse it, my tires are all worn out, dont know the kind of stunt ride you took my car for
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: Weak; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Describe — suggestion: Misuse is not specific. You and your friend might have different ideas of what it means to misuse a car. Replace that word with the specific details you are unhappy with.
Describe — rewrite: You returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off.
Express — suggestion: Don't attack your friend, they are likely to get defensive and less likely to give you what you want. Instead, talk about how you feel. 
Express — rewrite: I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it.
Assert — suggestion: Remember to ignore the attack by your conversation partner: "you're being too paranoid." What is your goal in this situation? It's to get them to tell you what happened to your car. Be a broken record and ask them to give you this information.
Assert — rewrite: I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off. I would like you to be honest with me about what happened, and to help pay for the repair.
Reinforce — suggestion: It is important to give your friend a reason to give you what you want. They are clearly getting defensive, so this might help ease them into being more honest with you and considering paying for the repair.
Reinforce — rewrite: I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off. I would like you to be honest with me about what happened, and to help pay for the repair. I won't be mad and we can talk about how to prevent this and improve communication in the future.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Stay mindful of your goals, even when you get frustrated with your friend, defensive, feel attacked, etc.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: really, same car i regularly take for mechanic check up, there were mud in the engine compartment, like where did that come from
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: No
Describe — suggestion: Stick to the same describe you gave in the beginning, as your friend is changing their story up. 
Describe — rewrite: You told me that there was a minor scratch on the car that wasn't there before you borrowed it.
Express — suggestion: Let you friend know how you are feeling. It lowers their and your own defensiveness.
Express — rewrite: First you said you returned it with a minor scratch. Now you are saying nothing happened to my car. I am feeling a bit confused. Can we get straight on the facts? When you returned my car there were scratches and dents, the bumper was falling off, and there was mud in the engine compartment. None of these things were there before I let you borrow my car.
Assert — suggestion: The assert came off as argumentative and judgmental in tone. Might be better as "How did mud get in my engine compartment?" But in general I would suggest stating this as a fact and sticking with your original ask. 
Assert — rewrite: There is mud in my engine compartment, which was not there last time I had it checked with the mechanics. If something happened, you should just admit it.
Stay Mindful — suggestion: Stick with your original goals, use emotion regulation skills to help.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: my drive way is concrete and there was no such thing as rain
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Strong; Express: No; Assert: No; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Express — suggestion: Let your friend know how you feel about how the conversation is going. This will help you stay mindful and increase the chances of you getting when you want.
Express — rewrite: I feel hurt that you are telling me I am imagining things. I take good care of my car and know its condition well.
Assert — suggestion: I can see the ask in here! Great job. Where in here do you see judgmentalness creeping in? Can you state your ask differently?
Assert — rewrite: really, same car i regularly take for mechanic check up, there were mud in the engine compartment, like where did that come from
Reinforce — suggestion: People need reasons to give you what you want. Your friend might be worried about the impact of being honest on your relationship.
Reinforce — rewrite: I feel hurt that you are telling me I am imagining things. I take good care of my car and know its condition well. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged it and help pay for the repairs. We can stop arguing and move on with our friendship. I won't hold a grudge, I just want you to be honest.
Situation (social): my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
Message: you ruined my car and I am sending you the bill of the damage you caused it
Expert skill ratings — Describe: Weak; Express: No; Assert: Weak; Reinforce: No; Negotiate: No; Appear Confident: Yes; Stay Mindful: Yes
Describe — suggestion: Stick to the same describe you gave in the beginning
Describe — rewrite: My car has dents, scratches, mud in the engine compartment, and the bumper is not falling off. If I drive it I risk something else happening to it because it is so damaged. 
Assert — suggestion: Be specific with what you want of your friend. 
Assert — rewrite: I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back.
Reinforce — suggestion: Give your friend a reason to pay the bill.
Reinforce — rewrite: I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back. Then we can put this behind us.
Negotiate — suggestion: They might be more likely to pay the bill if you show you are willing to be flexible with them and consider their circumstances.
Negotiate — rewrite: I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back. Then we can put this behind us. We can talk about a timeline for this that works well for you if money is tight right now.