In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
--------
Question: that 's exactly how long the movie felt to me .
there were n't even nine laughs in nine months .
it 's a terrible mess of a movie starring a terrible mess of a man , mr . hugh grant , a huge dork .
it 's not the whole oral - sex / prostitution thing ( referring to grant , not me ) that bugs me , it 's the fact that grant is annoying .
not just adam sandler - annoying , we 're talking jim carrey - annoying .
since when do
eye flutters and nervous smiles pass for acting ?
but , on the other hand , since when do really bad slapstick ( a fistfight in the delivery room culminating in grant 's head in joan cusack 's lap -- a scene he paid $ 60 to have included in the movie ) and obscene double entendres ( robin williams , the obstetrician , tells grant 's pregnant girlfriend she has " a big pussy , " referring of course to the size of the cat hairs on her coat , but nonetheless , grant paid $ 60 to have the exchange included in the movie ) pass for comedy ?
nine months is a predictable cookie - cutter movie with
no originality in humor or plot .
hugh grant plays a successful child psychiatrist .
why a child psychologist ?
so the scriptwriters could inject the following unfunny exchange :
kid : my dad 's an asshole .
grant ( flutters eyelashes , offers a nervous smile , then responds in his annoying english accent and i - think - i - actually - have- talent attitude ) : could you possibly elaborate on that ?
kid :
my dad 's a _ huge _ asshole .
more like a hugh asshole , but that 's beside the point , which is : nine months includes too many needlessly stupid jokes that get laughs from the ten year olds in the audience while everyone else shakes his or her head in disbelief .
so , anyway , grant finds out his girlfriend is pregnant and does his usual reaction ( fluttered eyelashes , nervous smiles ) .
this paves the way for every possible pregnancy / child birth gag in the book , especially since grant 's equally annoying friend 's wife is also pregnant .
the annoying friend is played by tom arnold , who provides most of the cacophonous slapstick , none of which is funny , such as a scene where arnold beats up a costumed " arnie the dinosaur " ( you draw your own parallels on that one ) in a toy store .
the only interesting character in the movie is played by jeff goldblum , who should have hid himself away somewhere after the dreadful hideaway , as an artist with a fear of ( and simultaneous longing for ) commitment .
not even robin williams , who plays a russian doctor who has recently decided to switch from veterinary medicine to obstetrics , has much humor .
his is a one - joke character--
the old foreign - guy - who - mispronounces - english stereotype ( did someone say yakov smirnov ?
that 's my favorite vodka , by the way ) , hence the line
" now it 's time to take a look at your volvo ,
" another nasty but unamusing joke , except this one goes right over the ten year olds ' heads , while the adults simultaneously groan .
nine months is a complete failure , low on laughs and intelligence and high on loud , unfunny slapstick , failed jokes and other uninspired lunacy .
hugh grant 's sunset boulevard arrest ( please , no caught - with - his - pants - down jokes ) may bring more people into the theaters , but they certainly wo n't leave with a smile on their faces , not after 90 minutes of grant 's nervous smiles .
everything in the movie is so forced , so unauthentic that anyone with an i .
q . over 80 ( sorry , hugh ) will know
they wasted their money on an unfulfilled desire .
but at least they did n't spend 60 bucks for it .

Answer: N


Question: in 1990 , the surprise success an unheralded little movie called ghost instantly rescued the moribund careers of its trio of above - the - title stars , patrick swayze , demi moore , and whoopi goldberg .
eight years later , moore and goldberg 's careers are n't exactly thriving , but they have had their share of screen successes since ; the same ca n't be said of swayze , who has just added yet another turkey to his resume with the aptly named black dog .
forget the mortal kombat movies -- this trucksploitation flick is the closest the movies has come to video games .
good truck driver jack crews ( swayze ) must drive a cargo of illegal firearms from atlanta to new jersey .
along the way , jack and his crew of three run into a number of obstacles -- such as a highway weigh station , evil truckers , and deadly uzi - firing motorcyclists .
every so often , like at the end of a video game " level " or " stage , " the main baddie pops up : red ( meat loaf , fresh from the triumph of spice world ) , who wants to steal the cache of guns .
just in
case you forget his name or have trouble keeping track of who 's driving what , all of red 's vehicles , be it a pickup or a big rig , are painted -- you guessed it --
red .
i could go into more of the plot specifics ( such as jack 's dream of having a nice home with his family , the past trauma that sent him to prison and cost him his trucking license , the fbi / atf crew tracking the cargo ) , but they are of little importance .
all that matters to director kevin hooks and writers william mickelberry and dan vining are the obstacles jack confronts in his drive from point a to point b .
but they fail at even this modest goal , for none of the highway chaos , as credibly staged as it is , is terribly interesting , let alone exciting .
once you 've seen a couple of trucks bang against each other or a big rig explode the first time
, you 've seen it every time .
as dreary as black dog is as an entertainment ,
the saddest part about the film has nothing to do with what shows up onscreen ; it 's that swayze has to reduce himself to such work .
while far from the best of actors , he is certainly not horrible , and he is a charismatic presence .
i do n't know if it 's his judgment or the dearth of quality job offers that leads him to involve himself with bombs such as black dog .
regardless , if he continues on this career track , could a tv series be far behind ?

Answer: N


Question: john boorman 's " zardoz
" is a goofy cinematic debacle so fundamentally misconceived and laughably executed that it takes on a bizarre enjoyment quality all its own .
not since the rampant bumblings of one edward d. wood
jr .
has a movie been so silly and so serious at the same time .
of course , wood 's career can be explained by two things : he had no money
and he had no talent .
boorman , on the other hand , can not court such excuses to explain " zardoz " ( or his follow - up film , the equally awful " exorcist ii : the heretic " ) . boorman obviously had a sizable budget , a matinee idol movie star ( sean connery ) in the lead role , and although you would n't know it from this film , boorman does indeed have talent .
this is the man who made the slick modern masterpiece " deliverance " ( 1972 ) , as well as the autobiographical world war ii drama " hope and glory " ( 1987 ) , the slightly over - conceived arthurian epic " excalibur " ( 1981 ) and the father - son jungle adventure " the emerald forest " ( 1985 ) .
his films all show that boorman is never lacking in imagination , but sometimes that comes at the cost of coherence and taste .
if boorman is anything , he 's ambitious , and when he succeeds , it 's in grand fashion .
unfortunately , the bigger they are , the harder they fall , and when boorman falls , the resounding impact can be heard for miles around .
" zardoz " is meant to takes its place among the grandest of mystical movies , an obsession of boorman 's .
his screenplay tries to elicit the same mythological connotations of the arthurian legends or even
" the wizard of oz , " a book which figures into the movie 's plot .
but , despite all this reaching , the resulting movie is more unintentionally funny than intentionally enigmatical or compelling .
the events take place in the distant year 2293 , but there is little of the typical futuristic movie - ness to be found .
in fact , things seems to have moved backwards , with people riding horses , shooting old - style guns , and living in large victorian mansions .
it 's more middle ages than space age .
the world of " zardoz " is divided into two distinct hemispheres : the outlands , where all the poor , pathetic people live , and the vortex , where a select group of wealthy intellectuals live in comfort and everlasting life .
these immortals never grow old , they never engage in sexual activity , they possess psychological powers , and they live in a sort of quasi - utopian marxist society where everyone is equal , and everyone contributes equally to the society .
however , if one breaks the rules , that person is punished by being aged so many years .
if someone breaks the rules enough , he or she is aged to the point of senility , and imprisoned to an eternal existence in a geriatric home with others aged criminals .
one of the immortals , arthur frayn ( niall buggy ) ,
a squirmy man with a mustache and goatee tattooed on his face , is charged with keeping order in the outlands and forcing the residents to farm so the immortals can be fed .
like " the wizard of oz , " he adopts a god - like status among the people by flying in to their part of the world in a giant stone carved like a menacing head .
( this flying head is one of the movie 's opening images , and it 's a dead giveaway of the lunacy to come . )
calling himself zardoz , frayn gathers a bunch of outlanders and makes them into a group called the exterminators , whose purpose is to kill most of the other outlanders so they ca n't procreate and take up more resources .
from inside his giant , stone head , zardoz bellows seriously laugh - inducting statements like , " the gun is good .
the penis is evil .
"
that line alone is worth the movie 's cult following .
one day , an exterminator named zed ( sean connery ) , sneaks into zardoz 's flying stone , pushes frayn out , and goes back to the vortex .
once there , the immortals label him a " brutal " and study him like a lab rat , taking great , perverse care in exploring his sexuality , which is a mystery to them .
they seem especially interested in his ability to gain an erection , and there is one downright hilarious sequence where a bunch of scantily - clad female scientists show zed erotic footage on a video screen in an attempt to determine what gets him worked up .
i say " hilarious " because that is exactly what " zardoz " is .
it is obvious that boorman did not intend it to be so ; he made this film with the straightest of faces , although i have a hard time believing that as production moved forward , he did n't get even the slightest inkling of how patently ridiculous it was becoming .
just looking at connery is enough to give one the giggles - he spends most of the film running around in a red loin cloth that resembles a diaper , a mane of hair braided halfway down his back , a wyatt earp - style handlebar mustache , and a pair of thigh - high patent leather boots that would look more appropriate on a cheap hollywood hooker .
boorman made the film right after the critical and financial success of " deliverance , " which is the only reason i can imagine a studio
would green - light this effort .
he attracted some rich talent on both sides of the camera , including cinematographer geoffrey unsworth ( " 2001 " ) , whose striking visuals are about the only good thing in " zardoz " besides the inadvertent humor .
sean connery had made his last james bond film in 1971 , and perhaps he was looking for a change in pace .
he got exactly that in " zardoz ,
" and it 's a wonder it did n't end his career .
i 'm sure boorman intended for this movie to make some grand statements .
is it a treatise about the infallibility of eternal life ?
is it a condemnation of those who consider growing old to be a bad thing ?
or is it a social statement ,
something about the inherent negativity of class distinctions and the violence it creates ?
karl marx might like it if he were more like timothy leary .
come to think of it
, maybe boorman made it as an extended lsd trip .
people high on illicit substances are the only ones i can imagine enjoying this asinine silliness as anything more than a completely unintentional comedy .

Answer:
N