instruction:
In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
question:
would you believe -- in real life , i mean -- that if you were julia roberts , that you 'd be the ugly underdog to your sister , the creepy catherine zeta - jones ?
let me tell you what reality is .
reality is that you are megastar julia fricking roberts and your brother is eric roberts , and he picks up whatever crumbs of stardom fall off your coattails as you blaze across the sky in a golden chariot .
that 's reality .
america 's sweethearts is the opposite of reality , a train wreck that tries to sell julia as a scruffy also - ran , presumably because she wears horn - rimmed glasses and used to be overweight ( uh - huh ) .
the plot follows two married , mega - movie stars , gwen and eddie ( zeta - jones and poor , poor john cusack , whose material gets worse every year ) , on the eve of their new star vehicle 's release , a film called time over time .
the only problem : gwen and eddie have gone through a nasty separation , and the press and public have not been forgiving ( think meg and dennis ) .
gosh , and the director has vanished with the film , holding the only print hostage .
veteran pr agent lee ( billy crystal ) is called upon to clean up the mess , throwing a press junket in the nevada desert to woo them with the story of a possible reconciliation between the gwen and eddie , presumably distracting the stupid , stupid film critics into forgetting they have n't seen the movie at all .
( note to sony : any studio executive that thinks this plot is going to win points with the reviewing press needs to check into rehab . )
and did i mention gwen 's sister kiki ( roberts ) is along for the ride ?
and that she and eddie just might fall in love along the way ?
oh billy , you 're a scamp !
the script you 've co - written with peter tolan ( what planet are you from ? and bedazzled -- need i say more ?
) is a roast of hollywood and celebrity , sure , but
it 's not a funny one .
yes , crystal tells us , hollywood is lying to our faces ! if you are surprised by this , you might want to check on your subscription to people magazine .
it 's about to expire .
aside from a scant few zingers (
yeah , se ?
or winces rules ! )
, america 's sweethearts ' jokes are n't funny , its pace is choppy , and the whole affair comes off as a vanity project -- not for headlining star julia roberts -- but for billy crystal to deliver a bunch of lame punch lines that he wrote himself .
i did n't time it ( the movie 's not that bad ) , but it 's crystal who really has the most screen time and is the unequivocal focus of the film .
bad move , billy -- your jokes suck .
the crotch humor is outpaced only by the meanness of the movie 's gags -- and with unsubtle sexual innuendo dripping from every scene , how this movie earned a pg-13 rating is a mystery to me .
julia overcame a lot of spiteful writing and acting to make my best friend 's wedding into a winning film , but not even that 90-tooth smile can save her here .
obviously aware of the ugliness
before him , director joe roth turns to goofy supporting characters like hank azaria ( as a lisping spaniard ) , christopher walken ( the insane time over time director ) , and alan arkin ( a new age guru in a fright wig ) to crack wise .
none of the stereotypes is successful except for walken ; azaria comes off as a preening queen when he 's supposed to be macho .
as for roth , in case you do n't know , went from direcing revenge of the nerds ii to launching his own movie studio , revolution , which produced this work .
he 's back behind the camera for the first time in 11 years .
it 'll probably be another 11 before he 's back again .
i could drone on about how america 's sweethearts will only appeal to the mouth - breathing morons who talk on their cell phones during the movies , but that would get old .
instead , i 'll settle for discussing the movie 's worst sin : that sweethearts is painfully contrived and wholly unbelievable , not just in its plot but in its sentiment .
every single character in this film ( with the arguable exception of kiki ) is simply hateful , and putting them in a romantic comedy is a waste of a bunch of villains .
when you leave the theater , you 'll ask yourself , too : why would i want any of these jerks to be happy ?
answer:
N


question:
what happens when you put martin lawrence in a fat suit in real life ?
you get martin lawrence in a coma ( the comedian thought he was getting fat , so he put on numerous layers of heavy clothing and went jogging in 100 degree heat , ending up in a coma ) .
so what happens when you put martin lawrence in a fat suit in the movies ?
you get an audience in a coma .
in big momma 's house , lawrence plays a fbi agent who 's a master of disguises .
when a naughty , naughty man escapes from jail and seeks out his former girlfriend ( the very sexy nia long . . .
the only thing worth looking at in this movie ) , she flees to georgia to stay with her rather large southern aunt " big momma " ( ella mitchell ) .
the fbi follows her in order to recover the large sum of money stolen in the bank robbery that sent the naughty man to jail .
however , big momma is called away on an emergency .
sensing that they could lose their only chance to capture the criminal , lawrence goes undercover as big momma .
and let the comedy begin !
big momma 's house is the definition of a " gimmick " movie if there ever was one .
the plot can basically be summed up as " martin lawrence dresses up as a fat woman " . . .
and even that description is too wordy .
you can just see this script plotted out on a chalkboard with martin lawrence / fat woman in the middle of the board with a big circle around it , and
all sorts of clich ?
d , " humorous " situations pointing to it .
fat woman plays basketball !
fat woman takes a dump !
fat woman kung fu !
well they left one off the board .
. .
movie critic slips into coma !
paul giamatti ( private parts , the negotiator ) plays lawrence 's partner and as much as i enjoy his work , even he ca n't inject life into this lifeless comedy .
hell , the greatest performers on the planet could n't make this material work . . .
it 's just that awful .
answer:
N


question:
joe versus the volcano is really one of the worse movies made in very recent memory .
the strangest thing is that you would think nothing would go wrong with it .
it has a solid cast with tom hanks & meg ryan as the lead roles .
but you can never judge a movie by its cast . . .
if there is one good thing about joe vs the volcano , it is that the plot is original .
unfortunately , it is also incredibly stupid .
the movie begins with joe ( tom hanks ) going to work .
this opening sequence is very boring and slow .
it shows joe walking to his office .
but on the way , he has to wait in a long line passing by strange and slightly depressing scenery with obnoxious lighting .
a sequence like this should take 2 minutes .
here , it takes over 5 . . .
it is obvious that joe hates his job .
at his office , one of his co - workers is meg ryan .
oddly enough , she plays 3 different roles in this movie ! !
joe leaves to go to a doctor 's appointment .
his doctor informs him that he has a " brain cloud .
"
this means that in a few months , he will die .
so what does joe do ?
quit his job , of course ! !
when he arrives home , joe meets an old man named graynamore ( lloyd bridges ) .
graynamore tells joe that in order to get some important mineral for his company from an island , the natives need someone to sacrifice to their volcano to please their fire god .
by a startling coincidence , the boat trip to the island takes a few months .
by the time he reaches the island , he will almost be dead from the " brain cloud " anyway , so joe agrees .
graynamore gives joe a credit card to buy everything he needs to go on this " great adventure " .
joe goes on a date with meg ryan , his co - worker .
the day before the boat trip , joe meets one of graynamore 's daughters .
she is also , surprise , meg ryan . except she looks more hippyish .
they both have dinner and the next day , joe gets driven over to his boat .
the lady that sails the boat is another one of graynamore 's daughters .
and , wonder of wonders , she is also played by meg ryan .
as they sail to the island , meg ryan tells joe that the natives of the island have a craving for orange soda .
after some stupid talking scenes , they also deduce that graynamore had his doctor be the one that joe went to . and that the " brain cloud " thing was made up ! !
they do plently of cheap special effects on the boat voyage .
joe goes fishing and catches a hammerhead shark .
this is a cheap gag that has been pulled off many times .
but , to top it off , the shark is obviously rubber and fake ! !
one night there is a storm .
a cheap - looking lightning bolt strikes the boat and everything is cast overboard .
fortunately , joe and meg ryan manage to find some of the luggage that joe brought to sail .
by pure luck , they get to the island .
since the natives like orange soda , they wear soda cans as attire ! !
stupid or what ?
; ) before joe leaps in the volcano , he gets fed .
right before he jumps , meg ryan pleads him not to .
when joe decides to , she goes in with him because " she loves him " .
now this is where the movie should end .
but , unfortunately , the " cheesy ending " bug comes in .
the volcano blows the couple out and into the ocean where they land on joe 's luggage .
they float to another part of the island as they watch lava pouring out of the volcano towards the villagers .
i give this movie a . see it only if you 're a film buff that enjoys a bad movie
every now and then or if you really like tom hanks or meg ryan . . .
answer:

N