TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: it was with a huge lack of something to do that i decided to watch this on good old upn on sunday afternoon , when the only good things on tv are the second - rate movies they show ( some are good : they showed " total recall " before this one ) . if you know me , i think seagal is probably the most boring action star to ever live .
and this includes keanu reeves .
what do i hate about seagal ?
i hate how he uses one facial expression for every single threatening and non - threatening situation ( the squint ) .
i hate those scenes in every movie where he goes around , bullying people up , saying stupid lines with a brooklyn accent more fake than burt reynold 's hairpiece in " boogie nights .
" i despise how he never gets a bruise
in any of his fights .
i hate how every single plot twist leads to just a melodramatic fight between he and the chief villain .
i hate his non - satirical messages ( in the beginning of this one , he slaps on a quote from arthur miller , which has nothing to do with the film , except it 's about brooklyn where this film takes place ) .
and i hate how he 's so narcissistic that he thinks that he can actually fucking sing
( during the end credits , he has a good old hill billy rock tune sung and penned by him ) .
sure , the guy 's probably a nice guy in person
( i actually found him very non - threatening when he was on letterman not too long ago ) .
but the guy makes worse films than reagan did .
so what 's the plot of this shit - terpiece ?
well .
. .
something about him trying to catch a stupid - ass crook ( william forsythe ) who shot and killed his partner in broad daylight .
i could n't believe how bad this scene was - the guy was conveniently with his family so we get the maximum emotional effect ( ahem ! ) .
and forsythe even said some stupid lines to him before he took off .
i 'm sorry , did anyone ever hear of concealing one 's self ?
so in comes ex - brooklynite seagal , who dedicates his life to catching this guy .
and i just wished he had caught him in the beginning , then ended the film .
but noooo ,
this drags on , as he bullies forsythe 's family members ( including a stupid bar - owner , and none other than gina gershon as his other bar - owner sister ) .
and forsythe more than once threatens his family .
at one point , he actually comes to their house and stalks them like a non - threatening nicholson in " the shining " ( complete with them all hiding in the bathroom , but with an added bonus of one girl conveniently loosing her cool and screaming to give them away ) .
seagal paints himself as a lovable person , with a son , and a fiancee .
he even shows him hanging with his son , checking up on his homework , and then about to take him out for a bit of " catch , " when he 's conveniently called away on assignment .
i dunno about you , but playing " catch " with seagal was one of my childhood nightmares .
he also shows him as that bad - ass he wants to be , with scenes of him bullying crooks around , and taking out people who are stupid enough to attack him even after he 's unarmed a chinese guy swinging bats with a pool cue .
serves them right .
this film , as some of his do , has an interesting supporting cast of actors who are actually talented , but do n't appear to be in this film .
i already mentioned gina gershon ( who 's pretty horrible in this one ) , as well as william forsythe , who over - acts terribly .
i know this guy can act : he was awesome in " raising arizona " as goodman 's partner in crime .
but he 's just awful here .
jerry orbach gives the only credible performance in the film as the police chief who checks up on segal after things have gone down .
why is he the only one who gives a good performance ?
well , because his role is small enough and sporadic enough to not tarnish his credibility .
he seems to be in here just to give it a cool " law and order " feeling ( even if it 's not a " cool " feeling ) .
and in cameos are b - rated erotic - thriller - cinemax - style stars , shannon whirry ( as " terry malloy , " which is more of a bad joke than a clever one ) and athena massey .
oh !
and " er " 's
julliana margiulles has two scenes .
" out for justice " just proves once again that american action films just suck .
i know that there 's such a good thing as good action - he 's called john woo .
but if you 're in the mood for some good old no - brainer , fun - yet - dumb action , do n't bother watching this .
it 's so stupid that it 's boring .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: phew , what a mess ! for his fifth collaboration with director
rich- ard donner ( lethal weapon i - iii , maverick )
, mel gibson plays a motormouth , maybe mentally ill new york city cabbie , jerry , whose wild conspiracy theories are all but ignored by alice ( julia roberts , acting all serious ) , the justice department employee that he has a crush on .
she not interested , but another person is : a cia psychiatrist ( patrick stewart ) who promptly kidnaps him .
is one of jerry 's conjectures correct ?
* is * the metal strip in the new $ 100 bill being used to track your movements ?
is oliver stone still alive , because he cut a deal with george bush to spread * dis * information ?
is this movie really about
* any * of the crazed cabbie 's theories ?
no , no ,
and no . as it turns out
, there 's some other nonsense going on here , involving and revolving around jerry 's background .
( hint : pay attention to an early scene where jerry blacks out and flashes back , in quick succession , to images of an interrogation room , hypodermic needles , and ms .
roberts herself . )
the * initial * premise is pretty good and is played , for a while , at a delightfully dizzying clip .
mel is wider - open that we 've ever seen him and , if his character 's relationship with roberts ' initially strains credibility , their combined star power is blissfully intoxicating .
( the highest wattage of the summer , perhaps ? )
even when the plot contrivances begin to intrude , the two remain a randy dandy screen pair .
there 's a great scene in jerry 's fortress , er , apartment , with alice trying to act casual as her hyperactive host tries to remember the combination to a locked coffee bean container .
( which he stores in another locked con- tainer , his fridge . )
other hilarious moments , of which there are many , include a trio of memorable convention - breakers , where alice ditches a tail , jerry cold - cocks someone , and , later , eludes a foot pursuit , each in a uproariously unexpected fashion .
( that 's donner 's own ladyhawke playing in the theater , btw . )
let 's see , other pleasures include .
. .
a brilliant title sequence , a jazzy score from carter burwell , and the worth - paying - to - see sight of roberts pumping lead into one bad guy and slamming another 's head into a wall .
oh , pretty woman !
getting to the latter , however , requires slogging through an increasingly overburdened and ultimately unappealing story .
the last hour of conspiracy theory devolves from tolerable to torturous to almost unwatchable .
more stuff happens of the stupid shit variety than is worth mentioning here , except , perhaps , for a late sequence that has alice locating jerry in an abandoned wing of a mental hospital by hearing his voice carrying through the air ducts .
and here i thought it was wabbit season .
good god , who rewrites these movies ? and
do they arrive in nondescript black vehicles ?

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: " good will hunting " is two movies in one :
an independent take on the struggle of four boston pals and a traditional hollywood , " prodigy child " film complete with upbeats , downfalls , sporadically moving situations and plenty , plenty of shtick .
unusually directed by gus van sant , " good will hunting " overcomes the banalities of its story by affirming the emergence of fresh , new talent .
the film stars matt damon as will hunting as a mathematical , rebellious whiz kid inadvertly discovered by a college professor ( stellan skarsgard ) , who places him under psychological supervision with robin williams .
in a nutshell , that 's it .
the core of the " good will hunting " is damon , who infuses the script ( co- written by " chasing amy 's " ben affleck ) with just the right amount of warmth , sensitivity and humanity to accentuate his position as a refreshing multi- talented performer .
but it 's the acting that hits the mark , and damon hits all the right notes , flying over robin williams ' deja - vu role
( " awakenings " was written all over this ) as a devastated shrink who has closed all contact with society due to his wife 's tragic death .
damon effortlessly blends the carelesness of a gregarious , confused thug with the absorbing ingeniousness of someone like einstein .
his rich , complex character is the pulp of " good will hunting .
" everything else pales in comparison .
"
good will hunting " exposes the lack of profoundness of deliberately schmaltzy storytelling , but , unlike " little man tate " or " phenomenon " , it does n't set up its story in a black and white , point a to point
b be manner , but as the saga of an extraordinary individual whose feasibility for success does n't automatically signify he must make easy , familiar choices , like the protagonists in the aforementioned .

SOLUTION:
P