TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: deep rising is one of " those " movies .
the kind of movie which serves no purpose except to entertain us .
it does not ask us to think about important questions like life on other planets or the possibility that there is no god . . .
screw that , it says boldly , let 's see some computer generated monsters rip into , decapitate and generally cause irreparable booboos to a bunch of little known actors .
heh !
them wacky monsters , got ta love 'em .
of course , since we can rent about a thousand b movies with the same kind of story , hollywood must give that little extra " oumph " to get people in theaters .
that is where deep rising fails , which is a good thing
.
confused ? let me explain : despite all them flashy effects and big explosions , deep rising is still , at heart , a good ' ol b movie .
luckily , it 's a very good b movie .
the worst cliches in movie history are a b movie 's bread and butter .
therefore , things that would destroy a serious movie actually help us have a good time while watching a movie of lower calibre .
of course we know there 's a big slimy creature behind that door , that one person will wander off to be picked off by said monster and we always know which persons or person will make it out alive .
we just do n't know when or how horrible it will be .
i went to see deep rising with my expections low and my tolerance for bad dialogue high .
imagine my surprise when i discover that deep rising is actually , well ,
pretty darn funny at times .
a funny b movie ?
well , that 's new .
these flicks are not supposed to make us laugh .
( except for a few unintended laughs once a while . ) and before you know it , treat williams , wes studi and famke jansen appear on the big screen .
hey !
i know them guys ( and gal ) from a couple of other movies .
cool .
familiar faces .
so far so good .
our man treat is the hero , he 'll live .
wes is a staple of b movies , he is the token victim .
we know he 'll buy the farm
but he will take a few creeps with him on the way out .
famke is the babe , 'nuff said .
there is also a guy with glasses ( the guy with glasses always dies ) a black person ( b movie buffs know that the black guy always dies , never fails ) and a very funny , nerdy guy .
( ah ! comic relief .
how can we possibly explain having to kill him . . .
let him live . )
after the first fifteen minutes i felt right at home .
i know who to root for and who i need to boo too and a gum to chew .
( please kill me . )
suffice it to say that for the next hour and a half i jumped out of my seat a few times , went " ewwww " about a dozen times and nearly had an orgasm over all the explosions and firepower our heroes were packing .
i 'm a man , we nottice these things .
all in all , i 'd recommend deep rising if you are looking for a good time and care to leave your brain at the door . . . but bring your sense of humor and excitement in with you .
the acting is decent , the effects top rate . how to best describe it ?
put together the jet ski scene from hard rain , the bug attacks from starship troopers , a couple of james bond like stunts and all those scenes from friday the thirteenth and freddy where you keep screaming " do n't go there , he 's behind you " and you end up with deep rising .
for creepy crawly goodness , tight t - shirts , major firepower and the need to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes from seing all that water .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: tomb raider .
fun ?
exciting ?
challenging ?
given the unprecedented popularity ( especially among teenage boys ) of the video game that sports an uber - buff , pistol packin ' babe who raids , well .
. .
tombs , you have to believe it 's these three things and more !
"
lara croft : tomb raider , " the big screen variant of said video game , which features a pumped - up angelina jolie ( the oscar ? winner for " girl , interrupted " no less ) in the title role is , however , none of these things .
it is n't fun , it is n't exciting , and the only challenge is seeing how long you can stay in your seat
( i suffered through to the bitter , bitter end ; the wife opted for barnes & noble at the 45-minute mark ) .
directed by simon west with the same subtlety he brought to " con air , " " tomb raider " is an empty - headed , big budget bore .
the story borrows unintelligently from that mother of all turkeys " hudson hawk " ( the same hokum about planetary alignments and sacred stones that , when brought together , well . . . who the heck cares ? ) and it makes " super mario bros .
"
( bob hoskins ' ill - advised career move ) look like " rocco and his brothers " ( that classic of italian neo - realism ) .
i 'll go out on a limb here and say i suspect there 's actually more character development in the video game than the movie proper .
this is where the jolie defenders / video game nuts jump in and say this movie is n't about character development
it 's about kicking serious butt ( or bum , since ms .
croft hails from england 's green and pleasant ) .
with lips , breasts , and biceps all inflated to the max , lara croft is all about posturing , and jolie has a hard time simply standing still without trying to look tough .
ok , let 's forget challenging .
should n't " tomb raider " be , at the very least , fun and exciting ?
should n't our butt - kicking heroine also encompass the sophistication of , say , james bond with the wit of indiana jones ?
there 's no humor to be found anywhere in " tomb raider , " even though it tries hard from time to time .
even " the mummy returns " did n't take itself too seriously .
the villain here is noticeably lacking , the special effects are ridiculously overblown and unnecessarily complicated , and the script is non - existent .
to liven things up ( perhaps ) , jolie 's live father jon voight puts in a few minutes as lara 's dead father lord croft ; talk about a stretch .
one thing i had n't expected from the film is that jolie affects a slightly better english accent than her pa ( although i suspect that thin - looking moustache he 's forced to wear gets in the way some ) .
unsuccessful ?
not entirely .
if anything , " lara croft : tomb raider " makes you want to check out the video game itself to figure out exactly what all the fuss was about .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: on re - watching italian writer / director dario argento 's much lauded murder mystery tenebrae , i was struck more than anything else by how many sins he commits as a storyteller and manages to get away with .
in emphasising style over matters of plot argento is somewhat notorious in cult film circles , but some aficionados still praise tenebrae as the greatest of his " giallo " murder mysteries .
while it 's certainly not perfect , repeated viewings reveal it to be nonetheless a densely plotted and terrifically stylish thriller .
the story follows a promotional visit to rome by famous american mystery novelist peter neal ( anthony franciosa ) where he discovers that a serial killer is on the loose inspired by his latest book " tenebrae " .
with the police on his back for leads , he decides to take a personal interest in the case and he soon becomes drawn into a mystery where all is not as it seems .
the film benefits enormously from a fine central performance by franciosa .
he brings grace , charm and a deceptive benigness to his character which provides an interesting foil to both the violence of the books he writes and the unfolding real - life horror around him .
the film is awash with a fascinating psychosexual tension .
argento peels back the facade of showbiz and jetset lifestyles to reveal an amoral , ambivalent , shadowy world where desire in all its forms has become a dangerous business .
tenebrae is perhaps the most multi - layered of argento 's scripts to date and there is much bubbling underneath the surface here .
it may take at least two or three viewings to appreciate all the psychological themes at play .
in that respect it strongly recalls his previous giallo deep red / profondo rosso ( the full - length italian language version ) and fans will enjoy spotting the recurring themes .
needless to say for argento fans , there is no denying the director 's brilliance as a stylist .
many of the action and murder sequences are directed with his characteristic finesse and feature plenty of intriguing camerawork .
they are all the more impressive for the fact that in this film argento creates mood by filling his scenes with light , rather than the dark shadows and deep rich colours of earlier works like deep red and suspiria .
instead , tenebrae 's set design and lighting paints a sleek , clinical , chilly vision of a vaguely futuristic urban world .
and the soundtrack 's mix of electronic atmospheres and gothic rock by frequent argento collaborators goblin is the perfect accompaniment .
so tenebrae has much to recommend it , no question .
still , constantly nagging at the back of this viewers mind is several lumps in the narrative .
some critics argue that logic does n't matter in argento films , but damnit , it matters in all films to the point where viewers do n't deserve to feel cheated .
by the way , if you do n't want to know the solution to the mystery then skip the next three paragraphs .
about an hour into tenebrae the story takes an unexpected twist which , properly handled , could have proved ingenious .
we witness the murder of the serial killer himself by a man who , we later discover , is none other than the author peter neal .
he is insane , apparently .
the murders then continue for the remainder of the film as neal decides it 's time to settle some personal business involving his neurotic wife .
he is finally revealed to us as this " second killer " in the film 's bloody climax .
but argento muffs the twist , both technically and narratively .
you see , we are supposed to be tricked into thinking that during this scene peter neal is actually an innocent witness who was crouching in the bushes nearby the whole time and spying on the killer 's house .
but thanks to poor editing , its had to believe neal could have murdered the killer anyway .
bad cutting puts the timing way out .
in other words , he 's almost in two places at once .
during this crucial scene we are also thrown a ridiculous red herring .
by the film 's end you realise that for the sake of an alibi neal must have self - inflicted a nasty injury in this earlier scene to make it look like he was attacked by a fleeing assailant .
the injury ?
he banged himself on the head with a bloody great rock !
thus , the revelation of the " hero " as a killer ( and anti - hero ) in the final scenes may still prove shocking , but its all somewhat implausible by the time the end credits have rolled .
helpfully , in the end we do learn that the bizarre flashbacks of personal humiliation and murder that have permeated the film belonged to neal all along .
but there too is a problem , as the explanations offered for his motivations are psychologically fuzzy to say the least .
the story owes us a better understanding of franciosa 's mind , his concealed madness and his sudden murderous rampage .
tenebrae is also marred by annoying little inconsistencies .
for instance , a teenage boy and girl leave a hotel room and minutes
later we see the girl riding off on the back of a motorbike .
we would assume the rider is the same boy , but it turns out to be some male character we are n't even introduced too !
that 's careless filmmaking , pure and simple .
why , you may ask , do i go on about the story 's flaws ?
because when it comes to visuals and set pieces , argento is one of the most exciting filmmakers in the world .
take one of the extended scenes in tenebrae .
an upset girl wandering the streets at night needlessly taunts a guard dog to the point where - almost unbelievably - it jumps a high fence and chases her across town .
finally , as she desperately seeks escape from this crazed canine , she accidentally stumbles on the serial killer 's lair .
it 's an absolutely masterful sequence , tense and exciting , and communicating a wealth of information through visuals alone .
and that 's exactly the kind of thing that makes the flaws so frustrating .
too often , it seems , argento 's films as a whole are less than the sum of their impressive parts .
mind you , if you love murder mysteries then tenebrae is still worth a look .
and if you 're a fan of argento 's unique style of giallo thriller then it 's essential .
see the uncut widescreen version if you can and drink in some of the wonderful cinematography by luciano tovoli .
it 's a stylish , great - looking and quirky film despite the problem narrative .
a shame , because it does n't have to be that way .
take argento 's more recent stendhal syndrome ( 1992 ) , where with the aid of co - writer franco ferrini he fashioned a solid storyline without sacrificing any of his surreal weirdness or visual panache .
proof that he can do it , if he tries . . .

SOLUTION:
P