TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: i think the first thing this reviewer should mention is wether or not i am a fan of the x - files .
first , let me assure you that no prior experience with the series is required to fully enjoy this movie .
the producers are not stupid , making a movie just for fans of the series is not profitable .
you have to reach for a larger audience .
therefore , the movie is quite user - friendly .
altough , non - fans will only fail to understand certain emotions behind the looks many characters exchange .
but fear not , duchovny and another man later
on provide more than adequate background info on what is going on .
you will never feel as if you just walked in on the third act of some great opera .
in any case , the answer is no .
i am not a fan of the x - files
, i only watch it when nothing else is on and i prefer millennium .
however , since the fox network as been so kind as to air several key episodes for several weeks before the movie 's opening weekend
i took that opportunity to test the movie .
i taped all of these episodes and watched them only after seing the movie , i am glad to report that i learned nothing new .
everything you need to know is explained to the viewer by duchovny and others .
i know i am going maybe a bit too far to make my point
but everybody should get the chance to experience this movie .
warning : major spoilers follow !
please do not read to fully enjoy this movie , you must not be able know what is coming , what exactly is over that hill and what that weird " hummm " sound is all about .
you have been warned .
the x - files is what a summer should be . exciting , scary , great special effects
( unlike other summer movies the effects do not take over the movie and are only there when it is really necessary ) and good performances .
this is coming from a guy who thinks david duchovny is the human equivalent of a wooden plank .
from start to finish , this movie does not let go of you .
when i compare it with last summer 's movies the best way to describe it would be : take the excitement and great score from face / off and the deadly use of sound from event horizon .
this flick is scary , not in a b movie kind of way where you always know where and when the critter will jump at our heroes .
in fact , the first time the critter in this movie makes an apperance it is totally out of the blue .
you might as well bring ear plugs because this thing is louuuudd !
the last time a monster scared me that much was when i first saw aliens as a six year old kid .
you know , when you are affraid to put your feet on the floor because the creature might be under the chair , or when you keep trying to cover your throat with your shirt ?
so yeah , the x - files is scary .
and guess what ?
you never even have to see the monster but your imagination works overtime and it sure beats having to watch a flawed , computer generated , babyzilla
, it looks like you could walk right through it not even scarier than your grandma in undies type of monster .
do not think that the x - files is a monster movie .
in fact , the creature is there for maybe three minutes total .
no , the x - files is definately a mulder episode of the series .
scully is at his side , of course , but gillian anderson gets maybe half the screen time .
she has a couple of good scenes with duchovny , but she gets kidnapped during the last half hour of the movie
so she does not get to do much .
no , this is mulder 's time in the spotlight .
by now , you have heard of the scene where mulder " showers " independence day .
if you have not then i will not spoil it for you , let 's just say that due to recent events mulder should be " showering " godzilla instead .
to those of you wondering if mulder discovers that the truth is indeed out there .
.. who cares ! ?
if he did find it
the series would over anyway so what are you complaining about ?
the dialogue in interesting and the director is marvelous .
the camera is almost always looking over the shoulder of our heroes so we feel as if we are right there with them when they open a door or climb a hill .
the script is spotless , every thing that happens happens for a purpose .
if you are confused by something , do not worry because it will all become clear later on but , and i can not stress this enough , pay attention ! ! !
unlike most summer movies , the dialogue is twice as important as the effects .
miss one vital piece of information and , like most people who talk during movies , you will go home and tell all your friends how this movie made no sense .
also , to those people who need to go to the bathroom during movies .
.. do n't !
the person who watched the movie with me had to go twice and twice she missed an important conversation .
there is no time to take a breather between scenes because , again unlike most summer movies ( godzilla anybody ? )
the x - files does not need to fill scenes between the suspense and the action with useless subplots , every scene is crucial and serves a purpose . who needs to see the blond chiouaoua have a " big emotional scene " between godzilla attacks ?
so far this summer i have seen only one movie who ranks higher on my list of movies
i 'd recommend and
that is the truman show but it only wins by a nose .
but the truman show is not what i would call a summer movie , the x - files is .
what more do you ask from a summer movie other than the chance to be excited ?
cool effects ?
it 's got some .
pulse pounding ?
hell yes
!
strangely enough , i think that fans of the series will hate this movie while non - fans will have a good time .
it does not provide answers to the show 's many questions , the status quo remains nearly the same and , no , mulder and scully do not get together .
rating
: four and a half out of five stars for the best movie yet this summer , several jump right out of your seat thrills
, many " whoah , i never saw that one coming !
" moments , four " holy shit , where the hell did that come from " and one heck of an ending .
you may wonder where this movie lost half a star .
well , i swore never to give a movie the full five stars
so i had to find something about the in his ice truck , the tracks it leaves in the snow behind him go on for several miles
but then they just stop .
it 's pretty obvious the film 's makers drove the truck for several miles to give the appearance that mulder had been driving for a long time , but in the end it looks like mulder just dropped from the sky and started driving .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: you do n't need to have seen the original " species " to appreciate how utterly lousy
" species ii " is .
with few exceptions , sequels tend to be worse than the films that spawned them , but the fact that " species ii " is a follow - up is n't the only reason
it 's so miserable .
it 's the predictable storyline , the cardboard characters , the banal dialogue , the failed attempts at humor , the revolting special effects , the gratuitous nudity ( all female , of course ) , the bad acting , and the bland direction .
the plot , simply geared at getting the alien species back on planet earth so that it can reak some more havoc , involves three astronauts landing on mars and inadvertently bringing some alien slime in a soil sample back aboard their shuttle .
the slime , well , sort of jumps out at them and the screen turns black .
that should have been the end of the movie right there .
back on terra firma , at least one of the crew is now a carrier of alien dna and , as you 'll remember if you saw the first movie , driven by a strong urge to procreate .
on a parallel track , government scientists have cloned a version of sil from the first film ( now called eve , again " played " by natasha henstridge ) and are keeping her around for some testing .
this , apparently , includes observing eve 's reaction to " the dukes of hazzard " tv show , which she appears to enjoy .
eve 's bio - rhythms go off the scale each time one of her kinfolk " mates , " which we are forced to witness in gross - out detail , but otherwise there does n't appear to be a whole lot of reason why henstridge is in this film , unless it was written into her contract ( let 's hope it cited one sequel and one sequel only ) .
eve finally breaks free of her confines -- and her bra -- for the finale , but the effects are so messy you ca n't really see what 's going on .
peter boyle is totally wasted as an institutionalized scientist who screams " i told 'em not to go !
"
at the top of his lungs , referring to the mars mission but more likely aimed at the makers of this piffle .
michael madsen reprises his role of press lennox ( so that he can enter high security areas , flash a badge and claim to be press , maybe ? ) , as does marg helgenberger as dr .
laura baker , the one subjecting eve to the tv reruns .
they 're both unbelievably wooden .
what 's a talented filmmaker like peter medak ( " the ruling class , " " the krays , " " let him have it " ) doing directing this tripe
, i wonder .
it 's an unfortunate trend ,
this : once - talented directors throwing in the towel and lending their names to unchallenging horror flicks like " species ii .
"
last year peter hyams gave us " the relic " ; no thanks necessary there .
and the first " species " was helmed by roger donaldson who , although certainly no genius behind the camera , had demonstrated much better judgment with his previous choice of projects .
is it just that there are no better offers out there ?
" species ii " is worthless . worse than that , it 's also exploitative , offensive , and insulting to the intelligence at every turn .
it 's not that there is n't anything positive to say about the film .
there is .
after 92 minutes , it ends .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: nicolas cage comes up with an ingenious survival mechanism for his role in the wink - and - a - concussive - nudge bombast - o - rama con air .
the opening credits sequence introduces us to cage as cameron poe , a gulf war veteran convicted of manslaughter and serving eight years in prison after an ill - fated bar - room brawl .
the prison scenes are accompanied by voice - overs in which poe , in a languid southern drawl , describes prison life to his wife back home and offers simple homilies for the daughter he has never met .
if the scene gives you a tickle of familiarity , it probably should .
cage appears to realize that con air is going to be utterly dim - witted and ridiculous , and that he 's going to have to do something to keep himself entertained .
and thus he slips into a familiar , surreal role as his own commentary on the proceedings -- cage plays cameron poe as a buffed - up version of raising arizona 's h .
i .
mcdonnough .
cage should have known what he was getting himself into .
he got a paycheck from jerry bruckheimer last year for the rock , and if there 's one thing you can count on from a bruckheimer production ( even without his late partner don simpson ) , it 's that you can count on seeing everything you saw in the _ last _ bruckheimer production .
the critical difference between the rock and con air is cage 's performance .
in the rock , cage appeared to be having the time of his life jumping into the action fray for the first time .
that sense of discovery has been replaced by a wry self - awareness .
while the plot of con air finds poe a parolee on board a hijacked prison transport plane whose goal is just to get home , cage 's goal is different but just as simple : to get out of the film with some measure of dignity intact .
audiences , too , should know what they 're getting themselves into with a bruckheimer production .
in fact , the marketing people are counting on it .
no one who loathed the rock for its swear - grunt - blast repetitiveness will be converted by con air ; no one who loved the rock for exactly the same reasons will be dissuaded .
director simon west ( yet another tv commercial auteur plucked by bruckheimer from the advertising equivalent of the schwab 's soda fountain )
delivers exactly the kind of adrenaline / testosterone cocktail which could launch an endocrinology lecture
( it 's perversely appropriate that one sympathetic con spends most of the flight nearing a diabetic coma ; like insulin , con air does the work of a gland ) .
what he does n't deliver is a moment of suspense .
a bruckheimer film has no use for hitchcock 's notion that showing you the bomb under the desk creates a more interesting scene than just blowing up the desk ; a really , _ really _ big desk and a really , _ really _ big bomb will serve the purpose nicely .
if either west or bruckheimer were interested in genuine tension , they might have done something with con air 's creepiest set - up .
at a desert stop for the plane - load of convicts , serial killer garland greene ( steve buscemi )
wanders of into a trailer park where he meets a little girl having a tea party in a drained swimming pool .
their tete - a - tete is eerie and menacing , providing a welcome shift in tone and giving buscemi a chance to stand out in a cast with too many villains ( danny trejo , ving rhames and a characteristically reptilian john malkovich among them ) .
in fact , con air usually opts for too much of something when the tiniest measure of restraint would have been an improvement -- too many characters , too much editing , too many dopey punch lines , too much of the cheap , ugly appeals to machismo which characterize too many bruckheimer efforts .
it is that kind of exhausting excess to which cage is responding with his detached performance .
while malkovich goes for the outrageous and john cusack ( as a u . s . marshal )
goes for
earnest , cage looks like he just wants to go to sleep .
his recycled raising arizona performance is a means of escape , his chase after a stuffed bunny a continuation of his pursuit of that big box of huggies .
it does n't bode well for cage 's appearance in face / off later this month ; perhaps he already realizes that all he can do in action films is more of the same over and over .
there 's a word for people like you , nicolas .
that word is called recidivist . . .
repeat offender .

SOLUTION:
N