In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.

Q: " . . . because i 'm a scientist . that 's what we do ! " --- dr .
alexander mccabe ( bob gunton ) , in response to why he created evil bats .
alright folks , stop me if you 've heard this one : genetically altered animals wreak havoc on a town and a small band of locals , assisted by a specialist in the particular animal 's field , must team up to stop the mutant creatures before they can multiply and spread across the earth .
oh yeah , the military is on their way to bomb the town as well , so they are running short on time .
sound familiar ?
such is the plot of the destination films release of bats .
dina meyer stars as the " bat specialist " sheila , who is pulled from her research ( along with her annoying sidekick , played with irritating deftness by leon ) in order to help a small texas town figure out why some local citizens and animals have been chewed to death recently .
with the help of the local sheriff ( lou diamond phillips ) , a cdc official ( carlos jacott ) , and a scientist ( bob gunton ) , sheila discovers it is indeed bats ( who have been genetically altered by gunton 's character to be more aggressive and omnivorous , in order to be used as a military weapon ! ) .
i have to say here
that i knew exactly what i was getting into going into this film .
there 's not a frame of promotional footage i have seen for the film that would have led me to believe it was going to be any good .
in this respect , the film never disappointed me .
this film reaches a level that transcends the " so bad
it 's good " level and borders on the downright insane .
the effects are awful , the script is contrived , and for most of the feature i was laughing at things that were supposed to be taken seriously ( i think ) .
i challenge anyone to sit through the scene , where a bat stalks a baby in a crib while another bat terrorizes a patron eating at a diner , with a straight face .
thankfully , the performances are as good as they can be considering the material the actors had to perform with .
dina meyer has always been the highlight of any of the films she has been in ( johnny mnemonic , dragonheart , and starship troopers . . .
the latter being the only film out of that batch with any actual merit ) , and this one is no exception .
while one never really gets the impression that meyer 's character could be a bat expert in reality , one never really cares to doubt it either .
she gives as good a performance as could be expected , plus she 's nice to look at for an hour and a half .
lou diamond phillips is also serviceable here , as the small town sheriff turned eventual hero .
although when we first meet his character he knows bats are the reason for what 's going on in town , for some reason later on he suddenly becomes amazed to learn that the actual cause of the deaths in town are because of bats .
the only bad performance in the film is that of leon 's .
he is relegated to the " i 'm not sticking around here !
" character and proceeds to repeat variations of that line for the majority of the film even though he stays .
anyone who ca n't immediately tell that bob gunton ( the bad guy in patch adams and countless other films ) is going to eventually turn on the gang and side with his creations before his eminent death will probably be surprised , but i highly doubt it .
even if he had n't been the villain in just about every film he 's ever been in , so many obvious hints are given to indicate the devious act that it holds no shock whatsoever .
in fact , his death is welcome , because it finally starts moving the plot towards the finale .
if the plot does n't sound ridiculous to you yet , then check out these little tidbits : a multitude of bats inexplicably disperses when a police officer cocks his pistol .
an entire town disregards the sheriff and doctor 's orders to stay indoors after a curfew is instigated , causing mass hysteria when the bats come out in full force , killing several townsfolk .
a government official blows off shelia 's instructions ( to wait until dawn to install a cooling unit in the bats ' cave that will kill all of them off ) by pulling a night job , resulting in the death of an entire military unit .
a cavern full of bat feces never ignites when a phosphorus flare is lit right in the middle of it .
finally , to top it all off , this little texas town is showing nosferatu in it 's single screen theater ( for reference , our town has over a million people in it with nearly 150 movie screens , and we 're lucky to even get kevin smith 's dogma ) .
the most laughable part of the movie though comes from the ill - conceived bat puppets .
while the actual bat attack scenes are shot with rapid fire editing ( making the scenes nearly impossible to comprehend what 's going on ) , the scenes where a bat is called upon to interact with a live actor are usually shot more low - key .
therefore we the audience get loving close - ups of the most unrealistic , rubbery bat puppets ever committed to film
.
being able to see the puppeteer 's arms would be the only things that could have made these creations worse .
after all of this , if you still decide bats might be the movie for you ,
do n't say you have n't been warned .
trust me when i say that it 's a lot more fun to trash than it is to sit through .
i just wish that dina meyer would be cast in more roles or at least choose better films to appear in .
she 's definitely a talent that is going to waste in films like these .

A: N
****
Q: when i ponder childhood memories past , one of the things that always springs immediately to mind is watching the " inspector gadget " tv show with my older brother .
truth be told , we were rabid fanatics ; our version of cowboys and indians was chasing each other around our coffee table to the theme tune , alternating who would get to be gadget and who would be stuck playing the part of dr .
claw , the inspector 's arch nemesis .
i was never a biggie on nostalgia , but you just ca n't help but have fond memories of something like that .
sometimes i even find myself up at 4 am watching re - runs of my favorite episodes , trying to recapture some of that sense of wonder i felt as a kid .
at the very least , i was expecting the new film version of the classic television series to have at least some kind of similar effect on me .
despite how horrid a film may be , the simple task of rekindling even a slight feeling of nostalgia is pretty tough to screw up .
so back i sat , with minimum expectations of what the movie would deliver ( let 's face it ; exactly how good can a live - action disney film really be ? ) .
i was wise enough to steer clear from the likes of mr .
magoo and george of the jungle ( two previous disney adaptations ) ,
and i wish to god that i had been sharp enough to skip gadget as well
.
rarely has a movie left me with such an utter feeling of emptiness .
as everyone else was getting up to exit the screening room after the movie had completed its assault on mankind , i was left sitting there , absolutely speechless and totally dumbfounded at what i had just seen
.
can something this awful
truly exist in such an evolved world ?
right from the beginning , i knew i was in trouble .
in the opening scenes , each character is introduced as if their sole purpose is to just be , to simply serve as real - life duplicates of their cartoon clones .
when referring to them , people almost yell in fear that the audience will not catch on as to who a certain character is supposed to be ( " oh , hi penny !
is brain with you ? " ) . creating one - dimensional replicas is one thing ; having mere names take the place of them is quite another .
the " plot " , shall we call it , stays fairly in tune with the original series .
matthew broderick stars as john brown ( how creative is that ? ) , a security guard who is horribly injured by a pack of ruthless businessmen headed by scolex ( why , rupert everett ,
for the love of god
why ? ? ? ! ! !
) , who himself is transformed into claw by an unfortunate chain of events .
brown is then rescued and used as a prototype for a new law - enforcement technology wherein he 's joined with various machine parts and some nifty gadgets to form ( drumroll , please ) . . .
inspector gadget !
> from here on out
, the movie becomes a hodgepodge of stupid dialog and confusing situations
( although , to be fair , my confusion could have been caused by the virtual concussion the film was inflicting upon my fragile mind ) .
there 's something about an evil gadget taking over the city ( his first crime must have been swiping matt dillon 's dentures from there 's something about mary ) and it all ends with ( what else ? )
a bunch of post - credit nonsense and a cameo by don adams himself .
to be honest , i was n't much paying attention to these " treats " .
i was just glad that it was over .

A: N
****
Q: the previews for the movie are pretty good .
they show a little plot , all the characters , and the emotional highlights , all spliced together to give a general impression of the script .
unfortunately , the full movie adds nothing but 115 minutes .
the residents of mystery love hockey .
mystery and hockey go together like texas and high school football .
the townsfolk love hockey so much that they even acquit a player who 's guilty of shooting another man ( yes , that 's one of the movie 's jokes . )
every saturday , the best players pair off for a game , and the whole town comes to watch .
the town 's prodigal son charlie ( hank azaria ) wrote an article on the weekly game for sports illustrated .
mystery 's national fame has the town abuzz .
a week later , charlie actually shows up in person , and he brings with him an offer from the nhl .
the new york rangers will come to mystery to play the locals .
the mysterians see this as both good and bad .
on the one hand , they 'd love to have the fame and the money of such an exhibition .
on the other hand , they do n't want to turn up as the butt of leno and letterman jokes .
the movie follows a handful of lives that are affected by the proposition .
biebe ( russell crowe ) has just been retired from the team and is asked to coach the boys , including his new replacement .
he 's already resentful , and to top it off charlie has been making eyes at his wife .
crowe is not given a lot of room to act in this film , so he 's just kind of stuck with constantly brooding .
charlie , meanwhile , is resentful of having born in a town where hockey is the only measure of a man 's worth .
his " gift " of the feature story , and of the new york rangers , was his way of compensating for not being a better skater .
he hoped it would earn him some respect and merit , but the townspeople find reasons to continue disliking him .
burt reynolds could have been interesting as walter , the judge whose courtroom was befouled by a moronic jury of hockey fans .
walter actually has some experience with collegiate hockey , but he actively tries to put it behind him .
he wants his son to take the game more seriously , but he wants his community to just get over it .
reynolds could have been good , but sloppy writing and/or editing
keep walter in the corner , and so reynolds never really gets to pull his performance all together .
one character actually was interesting .
biebe 's wife ( mary mccormack ) , like the judge , understood that there was more to life than hockey .
but unlike him she has come to accept the skewed view of the community .
she chose the town and her husband with her eyes wide open .
her unique insight is verbalized once , and it lasts only a scene before it is gone , but her performance carries the hint of some deeper wisdom .
mysterty , alaska follows a handful of other characters , but none are well developed or worth mentioning
. the biggest problem with this movie is that there is no real heart to the story ,
no underlying thing that the movie is really about .
instead , roach and screenwriters david e . kelley and sean o'byrne try to cram the entire human condition into this sports comedy .
they try to make you laugh and cry , to feel outrage and pride .
they present the framing and cadence for jokes , but there 's nothing truly funny
.
they show appropriately staged scenes of sadness , but they give you nothing to be really sad about .
as columnist molly ivins would say , it 's all hat , no cattle .
the perfect opportunity arises for roach to say what this movie is really about .
there is a funeral scene , played with appropriate gravity and somber music .
it is a chance for the characters to reflect on their lives and decide what 's truly important .
russell crowe steps forward to speak , about to spell out the movie 's metaphor for us .
he says that what really matters in life is " community . . . .
"
then adds " and hockey .
"
i guess these mysterians really are as shallow as they appear .
only mildly bad , mystery , alaska probably deserves 2 stars .
i even laughed out loud , genuine laughs in places .
but i docked it an extra half star when mike myers , a friend of roach , turned up in a role that did n't suit him .
myers is a comic character actor .
he puts on masks , becomes an outrageous caricature , and is funny .
he 's great as austin powers , dr .
evil , or any of his scottish characters .
nobody else in mysterty , alaska is a comic caricature .
all the other people have the feel of dramatic characters in semi - serious roles .
for roach to bring in myers for a few cheap laughs shows incredible contempt toward the rest of his cast , toward his audience , and indeed toward the film itself .
it 's an acknowledgment by the director that the film is not worth taking seriously .

A:
N
****