TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: did i do something bad ?
i must have , because sitting through this movie was sheer punishment .
here 's the plot .
ricky ( jeff goldblum ) is producer of the good - buy network , one of those 24-hour home shopping channels .
the new boss ( robert loggia ) plans to can ricky 's behind if he does n't turn the previous months ' flat sales numbers around , and to add to his problems , ricky also has to work with kate ( kelly preston ) , the ivy league wunderkind whom the boss has brought with him .
kate and ricky do n't get along and do n't have any great ideas until they meet g ( eddie murphy ) , a spiritualist who sees something positive in everything .
his soothing voice and simple logic makes people feel good , and it 's this quality that will make g the new gbn television star and the key to the network 's success .
the first problem is a flaw in the plot .
sure , g makes people feel good .
sure , we 're told that most people feel guilty after buying an impulse item , no matter how wealthy they might be , and i 'll even believe that g talks a talk that allows people to feel good about what they 've bought .
but , hey , that 's after they 've bought it .
why do sales skyrocket the first time g is on camera ?
far from trying to sell the product , g instead blathers on about how you do n't even need the thing .
someone please tell me how this is supposed to move merchandise in the first place .
you might say that people feel good about what they 've bought , so they come back and by more , but due to the simple fact that the first round of sales in inexplicable , i 'm not convinced this is what the filmmakers had in mind .
the whole movie is therefore seriously undermined because the key point in the plot is never credible .
another problem is in the humor .
you know , if you see that eddie murphy is in a movie , i think it is not unreasonable for you to expect that the film is a comedy .
whoa , partner , are you in for a surprise .
holy man is not funny .
murphy , the one asset you 'd think this movie has ( remember how they brought him in at the last minute to save best defense ? - then again , maybe you do n't ) is seriously reigned in .
the script gives him almost nothing to work with , and it seems as though director stephen herek kept him toned down so that the other actors in the film would n't be left as window dressing .
there 's only one moment in the film where murphy is allowed to let loose , and it lasts for three shouted words , which seem totally out of place as a result . pathetic .
in all , there are about three jokes that work in the entire picture , and they 're not even that great .
as a side note , there are some cameo appearances such as dan marino pitching a contraption which allows you to cook off of your car engine , and james brown introducing a medic - alert device that shouts " help me ! "
just like the hardest working man in show business at the push of a button , but these never cause your personal laugh - o - meter to rise above the level of mild bemusement .
" well , " you ask , " surely there must be some convincing performances to make up for the lack of humor .
" think again , buckwheat .
jeff goldblum disappoints .
kelly preston is flat ( but not like that ) .
robert loggia , in the kind of role for which he has been virtually typecast , ca n't do anything with it .
the script is part of the problem , but these actors do n't even look like they believe in the move they 're making .
they look a lot like they 're bored .
just like the audience .
so what do you have when the humor is absent from your comedy , and the acting is like the siberian steppes ?
a film that drags more than a dropped anchor .
but wait !
as if these problems do n't make the film slow enough , the screenplay 's pacing makes the movie even slower !
it takes the entire first half hour to establish the movie 's premise , then more time as the film wades through
a tortuous ( and seemingly mandatory ) romance between ricky and kate , and a sub - plot involving a conniving pr man ( eric mccormack ) who wants to discredit g and take over ricky 's job as producer .
when the pr guy 's plan is foiled , the film is climaxes , we 're treated to that little epilogue , and then we can all go home ,
right ?
wrong .
the movie goes on for another half hour !
continental drift is the indy 500 compared to the pace of holy man !
the only thing holy about holy man will surely be the number of people exclaiming
" holy !
@#% that movie was awful !
" this one is for the truly pious .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: i 've never written a review for a movie i have n't watched all the way through , but i had to make an exception with powder .
i was about forty - five minutes into this one at a friend 's house when he and his brother got into a huge shouting match that would have ended in violence
had we not left the house .
so i never got to finish the movie
and i 'm sure as hell not going to pay three more bucks to watch half of a bad movie .
but i can at least get a partial review out of it , because i saw enough to know this one was n't worth finishing in the first place .
the movie centers around a freaky teenager who 's spent his entire life living in the cellar of his grandparents ' house .
when grandpa dies ( taking his department store down with him ) , social worker mary steenburgen has to take powder ( first and middle names ?
gold bond ) to a state home , where we find out he 's a different from the other kids .
actually , we find out he 's different when we first see him , because he 's the most pale individual we 've ever seen and moreover he has no body hair whatsoever .
when powder is born in the opening minutes of the movie , the father takes one look at him and says " he 's not my son . " obviously .
all i want to know is where the pillsbury dough boy was nine months ago .
so the white - faced freak leaves his neverland ranch for the state home and faces the ridicule of other kids .
that is , until they try to haze him during his first cafeteria lunch by making him " wear " his spoon ( " you can either wear it on your nose or up your ass .
" decisions , decisions . . . )
and he uses telepathic powers to draw all the silverware in the room into a giant pile in the middle of the table .
so if his father is the pillsbury dough boy , his mother must be sissy spacek 's carrie character .
and you have to factor in two more things from the subsequent scenes , as we find out powder
has some sort of
super - intelligence ( " your i .
q .
test went straight off the chart ! " ) and attracts electrical power .
this first shows up as powder visits the world of high school ( if he 's such a genius already , why would he need a high school education ? ) and sits through a demonstration in jeff goldblum 's science class .
goldblum plugs in a " jacob 's ladder " device that shows current running up two wires and immediately the current flows across the room and into powder 's chest .
but goldblum just stands there for about thirty seconds watching , instead of just unplugging the damn thing .
i guess he was too busy contemplating why he was appearing in his third bad movie in a row
( following hideaway and nine months ) .
that 's about all i saw before the big fight began and , let me tell you , that was twice as interesting as the movie itself .
but like i said , i saw enough to know this would be one of those terrible melodramas about the isolation of people who have superior abilities and how hard it is for those people to assimilate themselves into mainstream civilization .
none of these movies ever handle the subject properly , instead introducing the feeble beauty and the beast copout of having a beautiful woman fall in love with the guy 's personality , overlooking his personal appearance .
i already had the female character picked out ( the girl who was sitting next to him in the back of the room during the electrocution scene ) , but i guess i 'll never know for sure what happened .
from noraruth@aol .
com mon jun 10 15 : 04
: 03 edt 1996 article : 3654 of rec .
arts .
movies .
reviews path :
nntphub .
cb .
att .
com !
not - for - mail from :
noraruth@aol .
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reviews subject : review : powder ( 1995 ) followup - to :
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movies date : 10 jun 1996 18 : 16 : 03 gmt organization : university of missouri - columbia lines :
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approved :
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noraruth@aol .
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nntp - posting - host : mtcts2 .
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reviews : 3654 rec .
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reviews :
710 status : ro powder a film review by andrew hicks
copyright 1996 andrew hicks / fatboy productions .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: if chris farley had strapped some fake mutton - chop sideburns to each side of his head , spoken with a thick irish accent , and tried his damnedest to play it straight , he would n't have been nearly as funny as brendan gleeson in
" i went down .
" gleeson , who 's not dissimilar to the late " saturday night live " alumnus in terms of physical attributes , plays a character named bunny kelly in this delightful irish film .
bunny is sent to county cork to " retrieve " one frank grogan for an irish gangster called tom french ( well dressed like all good gangsters should be and menacingly portrayed by tony doyle ) .
bunny is to accompany git hynes ( peter mcdonald ) , recently released from prison and obligated to tom for disfiguring one of his cronies .
that tom french is a mean bollocks .
he wants frank back .
and a small matter of some ?
25 , 000 that tom 's wife was supposed to have given to frank .
for this he wo n't break anyone 's thumbs .
maybe . inventively and engagingly written by conor mcpherson and directed by paddy breathnach , " i went down
" follows the trials and tribulations of git and bunny as they knock around peat bogs , dimly - lit pubs , and seedy hostelries trying to stay alive and out of trouble .
mcdonald is a newcomer and a promising
one at that , but gleeson has been in over a dozen movies , most recently as father bubbles in another film with a very irish accent on hilarity , " the butcher boy .
"
even if you ca n't comprehend half of what they 're saying , gleeson and mcdonald together make " i went down
" a trip worth taking .
the film is in many ways reminiscent of another " little " independent feature , 1991 's " highway 61 .
" that film , too , was a road movie and it shares the same kind of wry dialogue and humorous situations
as mcpherson 's tale : whimsical observations on life , carefully - crafted vignettes , deadpan conversational asides , and scenes that 'll make you laugh out loud
.
witness the episode in which our good - natured protagonists bind frank ( played by peter caffrey ) to a hotel bed , leaving him with only the tv remote for company .
that sequence alone is on a par with satan locking himself out of his car in " highway 61 .
"
what 's also charming about
" i went down " is how the relationship between buddy and git develops .
their trip becomes an education for both of them , but the way it 's handled is neither sappy nor labored .
the only thing in the film which approaches clunkiness is the culminating explanation , via flashbacks , of the relationship between frank and tom .
it 's a little too hollywood , and what makes " i went down
" so refreshing is the fact that it rarely panders to traditional conventions of hollywood gangster movies .
sure it 's gritty -- make that grubby --
but it 's also pretty goofy .
although " i went down " emphasizes the comedic elements of dis - organized crime , there are a couple of fairly brutal scenes in keeping with the subject matter .
do n't let these deter you , though ; " i went down " is a little gem .
it 's only playing at one philadelphia - area theater -- and i suspect it wo n't be there for long --
so catch it while you can .

SOLUTION:
P