TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.
PROBLEM: the spy game is up .
you can thank charlie 's angels -- the movie -- for that .
when did banality and pandering become okay ?
just steal from hong kong , the matrix , and a kitschy tv show from the mid-1970s and that 's a movie ?
charlie 's angels is one of the worst examples of action film homogeneity and shameless duplicity in any film i 've seen in ages .
charlie 's angels is dumb .
just plain dumb .
as we all know , three of the hottest females on the planet -- drew barrymore , cameron diaz , and lucy liu -- are three super - agents working for the mysterious millionaire named charlie .
they all drive fast cars , look oh - so - fabulous even in the morning , and do n't seem to get a scratch even when fighting armed men , having buildings explode ten feet in front of them , or flying through the air in matrix slow - motion . and while the entourage spends 90 minutes romping around in cleavage - busting wetsuits , cleavage - busting waitress uniforms , and cleavage - busting wet t - shirts , they scarcely succeed in resembling so much as a group of annoying , drunk sorority girls , the kind who hit on everybody at a party .
the actual plot revolves around the ridiculous story of a millionaire computer engineer -- the great sam rockwell -- who gets kidnapped by a mysterious rival computer company .
of course , the rival wants control of his new personal identification system , which involves such latter - day buzzwords as gps , cellular tracking , and even mainframe .
the amazing crispin glover lends his acting chops as a crazed henchmen involved in all the nasty things that happen to the angels -- like battling each of them in many round - robin matrix rip - off ( again ) fight sequences and harboring a strange attraction to sliced - off locks of the angels ' hair .
the coup de grace is bill murray as bosley , serving as charlie 's manservant , or , more to the point , the angels ' pimp .
the rest of the movie comprises a revenge arc , enough costume changes to fill three productions of les miserables , carbon - copy fight sequences
that would lend credible evidence to a jackie chan and the wachowski brothers lawsuit for intellectual property theft , and the strange transformation of sam rockwell into mickey rourke 's long - lost brother .
charlie 's angels starts off with a bang and ends up being a soggy burrito left out overnight
.
nothing is difficult , plausible , or believable in any of the angels ' actions .
it feels like the matrix , mission : impossible 2 , and cleopatra jones and the casino of gold all rolled into one .
diaz is a knucklehead .
barrymore is the " dangerous one , " mean and tough and about as believable as katie holmes in the role .
liu is just . . .
lucy liu , looking good in a skin - tight black leather suit .
the list of movies from which charlie 's angels is directly lifted is equally astonishing .
the writers apparently ran the copier all night stealing scenes from armageddon , lethal weapon ii , all of jackie chan 's movies , the great escape , saturday night fever , revenge of the nerds , payback , darkman , dr .
no , the matrix ( as mentioned ) , and even tv 's friends .
it 's a shame , too , because one of the many screenwriters , john august , was at the helm of last year 's favorite , go .
then again , what can you expect from a director known solely as " mcg .
" there is no camp value in the film , no interesting main characters , no invigorating action scenes , no reason at all to waste your time
except to ogle the hot chicks and enjoy the performances of a few supporting players .
note to hollywood :
next time , let 's leave the tv shows on the tv .

SOLUTION: N

PROBLEM: studio expectations must not have been high for " great expectations " -- the film 's release date was pushed from late december to late january at what appeared to be the last minute , therefore putting any academy awards chances it has off until this time in 1999 .
it 's actually a smart move , because while this updated take on the charles dickens tale is n't quite oscar fodder , it * is * strong enough to be distinguished from the cinematic dumping ground that usually makes up the first five or six weeks of any given year .
" great expectations " also demonstrates how to modernize a classic story right , especially after the excruciatingly wretched excesses of baz luhrmann 's " william shakespeare 's romeo + juliet .
" " great expectations " opens somewhere in 1970s florida ( the original story is set in 19th - century england ) , as eight - year - old finn ( jeremy james kissner ) meets a trio of people who will have a profound effect on his life in the future .
there 's icy , 11-year - old estella ( raquel beaudene ) , a pseudo - playmate of finn 's ; ms .
dinsmoor ( anne bancroft ) , estella 's auntie who 's quite off - kilter over a past romance that never took off ; and a mysterious prisoner ( robert de niro ) whom finn saves the life of .
finn , who lives with his sister 's affable boyfriend ( lone star 's chris cooper ) , fancies himself an aspiring artist , and proves his prowess by whipping up an unusual portrait of estella using only ms .
dinsmoor 's lipstick , eyebrow pencil and the wallpaper from her dilapidating mansion .
flash forward into
the ' 90s ( after a brief stop in the ' 80s ) , and finn ( now played by ethan hawke ) , despondent over a strange hot - and - cold relationship with the elusive estella ( gwyneth paltrow ) , receives quite a bit of money from an unknown benefactor ; it 's enough cash to send him to new york to focus on a career in art .
there , finn seems to gain everything he could ever want -- wealth , prestige and a high place in the glamorous art world .
when estella resurfaces -- albeit with an aloof fianc ?
( hank azaria ) --
finn also sees the chance to renew their mutual attraction .
but she 's not the only ghost from finn 's past that 's going to be paying him a visit .
comparisons with the afore - mentioned " romeo + juliet " seem inevitable since these films are the only ones in recent memory to plop classic drama into a current setting .
" great expectations " is a much better venture , though , because it treats its source with even - handed respect , where " romeo " was never quite sure whether to be a spoof , a homage or both .
the movie is a visual banquet thanks to emmanuel lubezki 's sexy cinematography ; notably , he captures a revisited fountain kiss between the two leads with a luscious , erotic charge that 's steamier than the film 's ( surprisingly muted ) love scenes .
the eclectic rock soundtrack compliments the on - screen action beautifully , especially new songs by tori amos , mono and duncan sheik .
acting credits are first - rate , often hiding the screenplay 's occasional slip - ups .
hawke is sincere and solid as a leading man ( something we also learned from " gattaca " ) , and his finn is quite a likeable guy .
paltrow 's estella , on the other hand , is rather underdeveloped .
while the actress is at her icily seductive best , we 're not told very much about her character , and as a result , it 's often hard to understand why finn would appreciate her beyond a physical level ( but , oh , * what * a physical level ) ; sometimes , we root for finn although we do n't quite understand why she 's fueling his fire .
robert de niro is nice and sophisticated in the benevolent kind of role he rarely gets to play ; on the other end of the acting spectrum is bancroft , a macabre , throaty delight who mambos and sucks down cigarettes with an eerie enthusiasm that would make norma desmond jealous .
alfonso cuaron 's visually elegant direction helps to distract from the dry moments that pop up more frequently around the movie 's climax .
another problem is predictability ; you can guess your way through the plot even if you are n't familiar with the story .
despite its script flaws , though , " great expectations " is undeniably romantic without being corny or gloppy .
and frankly , it 's nice to see a film that embraces softened sensuality other than explicit sexuality .
perhaps that renovated release date , awfully close to valentine 's day , will end up helping " great expectations " ' seemingly average box office chances after all .

SOLUTION: P

PROBLEM: there was probably a good reason that the warner bros .
studio chose not to allow critics to view this steven seagal film when it first opened .
and , after seeing this piece of toxic waste , i now know why .
this movie is by far the worst offering that has hit the screen since possibly those ernest movies years ago .
fire down below centers its story on a little mining town in god 's country , somewhere in eastern kentucky .
it 's beauty and natural goodness is being slowly destroyed by an uncaring mining magnate ( kris kristopherson , who constantly looks like he wants to kill his agent for getting him this role ) .
it turns out that he 's filling the mines throughout kentucky with toxic waste for a tidy profit .
seagal plays jack taggert , an aikido - versed , fighting machine , who is an agent with the epa .
no . . . not the cia nor the fbi nor the nsa .
it 's the environmental protection agency .
i had no idea that epa agents were trained to be killers !
taggert is sent to find the perpetrators and to bring them to justice .
written by someone named jeb , i could already envision the stereotypes of incestuous relationships , banjo - picking preachers , and dumb - as - nails rednecks .
but the script puts seagal right smack dab in the middle of all of these scenarios as he tries to discreetly fit in .
seagal 's idea of a disguise is a long - length $ 1000 leather jacket .
but to get closer to the kinfolk , he will fix people 's porches for free .
that 's another great epa asset - teaching agents how to fix porches .
slow and plodding , this project is a total mess .
the sometimes allure of watching seagal is watching him outmaneuver enemies that outnumber and outgun him like in under seige .
here , his bravado basically turns into bullyness .
townsfolk who are foolish enough to challenge seagal are quickly subdued .
fight scenes are quick and senseless and offers no enjoyment value whatsoever
.
and his soap box message wears thin within the first 15 minutes .
the most annoying moment comes when he barges into the middle of a sunday church ceremony , gets behind the pulpit , and beseeches the townsfolk to take control of their lives and to help clean up the environment .
but the epitome of how moralistically mushy this film gets happens when the person responsible for the toxic dumping , kristopherson , meets up with seagal .
kristopherson asks seagal how much it will take for him to go away .
seagal gallantly replies : " i 'll leave when you take the poison from the streams and the earth .
"
i was expecting patriotic music to start blasting and a show of fireworks in the background .
this is truly nothing more than a pompous showcase for seagal 's righteousness and narcissistic arrogance .
seagal has been vanguard in trying to bring a new genre into the filmplace , that of the enviro - thriller ( on deadly ground ) .
however , the message will never come across through poorly developed vehicles like this .
still , i believe in preserving mother earth , so save your $ 5 and please donate it instead to some worthy environmentally conscious charity .

SOLUTION:
N