In this task, you must classify if a given review is positive/negative, indicating your answer as P or N.

[Q]: battlefield
long , boring and just plain stupid battlefield earth a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman in my mid - teen years , i had a horrendous re - occurring nightmare .
behind the wheel of a car , i was driving down a straight road in the middle of a desert .
no scenery except the horizon line and the converging parallel lines of the highway .
no matter what i did , the view did n't change : travelling but not getting anywhere .
each time i awoke in a sweat , terrified .
you do n't have to be carl jung to understand that dream .
powerless to make changes , trapped in a boring situation with no hope of rescue
, this is the stuff of nightmares whether we are asleep or awake .
this is exactly how you will feel 15 minutes after " battlefield earth " begins .
for all of its flash and style , l . ron hubbard 's science fiction epic is the earliest and best entry for the dullest summer film of 2000 . dull " and " stupid
.
in the year 3000 , the psychlo aliens have ruled our planet for 1 , 000 years .
humans either work as slave labor in mining operations or live as barbarians .
there 's no hope .
the future is bleak .
then the psychlo make a mistake and capture feisty jonnie goodboy tyler ( barry pepper ) who organizes a revolution against chief of security terl ( john travolta ) and the alien race .
it 's an archetypal post - apocalyptic plot full of promise .
considering some of the talent involved and all the millions thrown at the screen , it 's difficult to see how it could have failed so miserably .
but it does .
the story is so full of holes that it falls apart within minutes of the opening credits .
are we really supposed to believe that after a millennium of looking for gold , the psychlo never discovered fort knox ? or that fighter planes are still in pristine condition after all that time -- and gassed up ? or that the cavemen become such expert pilots in seven days that they can easily down the advanced alien ships ? or that the psychlo spy cameras somehow do n't notice that their slaves are missing for days ?
travolta prances across the screen hamming it up for all he 's worth and is almost entertaining .
almost .
the rest of the actors are wooden mannequins trying not to laugh while delivering lines that no person -- " man - animal " or not -- would ever utter .
some of the film
_ looks
_ good , but it also looks so familiar .
a race of large hulking ape - like creatures has taken over the world while our cities lie in ruin .
sound like something charlton heston might be in ?
the psychlo look like overweight klingons in gear from " dune " .
the final air battle between the air force fighters and the psychlo ships in their high - tech city is something george lucas might have been associated with .
it 's too loud .
it 's too oppressive .
it 's too slow .
it 's too long .
. .
far too long .
and on it goes .
the list of the problems with " battlefield earth " is endless .
it 's difficult to find anything in the film that does work .
oh yeah .
the color scheme is nice .
the real question is how this movie ever got made .
could it have something to do with the fact that l . ron hubbard was the founder of scientology ?
and that john travolta is a member of the church .
that might explain why travolta bought the rights to the novel years ago .
but it does n't give us a clue as to why first - time screenwriter corey mandell 's atrocious script was used .
or why the high - profile project was entrusted with roger christian who had never before directed a major film .
or why no one looked at this thing before it was released and realized there might be problems .
the one bright spot is that no longer will kevin costner 's " the postman " ( which i begrudgingly admit as a guilty pleasure ) be " the " big budget science fiction failure .
" battlefield earth " has the honor sewed up .
often reviewers will recommend that you skip mediocre films and wait for the video .
that 's not the case here .
you can act now and make the decision to not see it on the big screen or on the small one .
do n't hesitate .
strike now while the iron is cold .
[A]: N


[Q]: that 's exactly how long the movie felt to me .
there were n't even nine laughs in nine months .
it 's a terrible mess of a movie starring a terrible mess of a man , mr . hugh grant , a huge dork .
it 's not the whole oral - sex / prostitution thing ( referring to grant , not me ) that bugs me , it 's the fact that grant is annoying .
not just adam sandler - annoying , we 're talking jim carrey - annoying .
since when do
eye flutters and nervous smiles pass for acting ?
but , on the other hand , since when do really bad slapstick ( a fistfight in the delivery room culminating in grant 's head in joan cusack 's lap -- a scene he paid $ 60 to have included in the movie ) and obscene double entendres ( robin williams , the obstetrician , tells grant 's pregnant girlfriend she has " a big pussy , " referring of course to the size of the cat hairs on her coat , but nonetheless , grant paid $ 60 to have the exchange included in the movie ) pass for comedy ?
nine months is a predictable cookie - cutter movie with
no originality in humor or plot .
hugh grant plays a successful child psychiatrist .
why a child psychologist ?
so the scriptwriters could inject the following unfunny exchange :
kid : my dad 's an asshole .
grant ( flutters eyelashes , offers a nervous smile , then responds in his annoying english accent and i - think - i - actually - have- talent attitude ) : could you possibly elaborate on that ?
kid :
my dad 's a _ huge _ asshole .
more like a hugh asshole , but that 's beside the point , which is : nine months includes too many needlessly stupid jokes that get laughs from the ten year olds in the audience while everyone else shakes his or her head in disbelief .
so , anyway , grant finds out his girlfriend is pregnant and does his usual reaction ( fluttered eyelashes , nervous smiles ) .
this paves the way for every possible pregnancy / child birth gag in the book , especially since grant 's equally annoying friend 's wife is also pregnant .
the annoying friend is played by tom arnold , who provides most of the cacophonous slapstick , none of which is funny , such as a scene where arnold beats up a costumed " arnie the dinosaur " ( you draw your own parallels on that one ) in a toy store .
the only interesting character in the movie is played by jeff goldblum , who should have hid himself away somewhere after the dreadful hideaway , as an artist with a fear of ( and simultaneous longing for ) commitment .
not even robin williams , who plays a russian doctor who has recently decided to switch from veterinary medicine to obstetrics , has much humor .
his is a one - joke character--
the old foreign - guy - who - mispronounces - english stereotype ( did someone say yakov smirnov ?
that 's my favorite vodka , by the way ) , hence the line
" now it 's time to take a look at your volvo ,
" another nasty but unamusing joke , except this one goes right over the ten year olds ' heads , while the adults simultaneously groan .
nine months is a complete failure , low on laughs and intelligence and high on loud , unfunny slapstick , failed jokes and other uninspired lunacy .
hugh grant 's sunset boulevard arrest ( please , no caught - with - his - pants - down jokes ) may bring more people into the theaters , but they certainly wo n't leave with a smile on their faces , not after 90 minutes of grant 's nervous smiles .
everything in the movie is so forced , so unauthentic that anyone with an i .
q . over 80 ( sorry , hugh ) will know
they wasted their money on an unfulfilled desire .
but at least they did n't spend 60 bucks for it .
[A]: N


[Q]: plot : a separated , glamorous , hollywood couple must pretend to reunite for a press junket of the last movie that they ever shot together .
kewl . . .
now
i only wish that i could pretend never to have seen this movie . . .
critique : trite , unfunny , boring and a waste of everyone 's talent .
how a premise with such zest and bite can turn into a movie that does n't feature any chemistry , any real laughs , any surprises or any spice is beyond me .
how julia roberts is used solely as a " puppy dog " character , puttering around in the background while we endure the complete bitchiness of zeta - jones ' character , who is not one bit funny or romantic
( two ideal ingredients in a " romantic comedy " ) , is also beyond me .
and why they chose john cusack , a great , quirky actor in his own right , to play
the most bland , uninteresting and unfetching character ( with zero chemistry with either of his leads ) is further more , beyond me .
and to anybody who decided that this project was " funny " enough to greenlight featuring the talents mentioned above , along with billy crystal , christopher walker , seth green and stanley tucci .
. .
well , what can i say .
. .
i just do n't have the words .
so is this the worst movie that i 've seen all year ?
no .
but it definitely sucks
and it 's basically because . . .
well , it 's just not funny .
and for the record , allow me to state a few more problems with it .
it starts off slow , it 's got no energy , it does n't engage you with any of its characters
( julia barely gets somewhat interesting in the film , everyone else . . .
lame ! ) , it utilizes way too many flashbacks to move the story forward , it 's utterly predictable , standard , routine , see - through and uninteresting as a plot and it just sits there on the screen , big and ugly , waiting . . .
waiting for you to laugh or find something in it that is amusing .
and then hank azaria shows up . . .
aaaaaah , the film 's savior ( mind you , some might be offended by his exaggeration of a stereotype , but that 's another story altogether ) .
but when an experienced " voice " actor upstages all of the main stars in a summer " blockbuster " romantic comedy with an over - the - top antonio banderas accent , damn dude . . .
your film 's in trouble ! ! rent this movie on video just to see what went wrong yourself .
the references to ricky ricardo and senor wences
( huh ! ? ) , the idio - plot points like when one of the characters goes on the roof to stretch his arms out and relax , but everyone believes that he 's going to kill himself ( hardy - har - har ) and the cheap way of getting the audience to leave the theater laughing by bringing back a ball - sniffing dog that has no place being in the location at the end of the movie , well .
. .
i could go on .
but i wo n't because i do still respect all of the actors in this film and actually did laugh at azaria , green and tucci 's antics from time to time ( ironic , eh .
. .
what about the leads , dammit ! )
and liked the premise behind the film ( before i saw the finished product , of course ) .
a dud all the way around .
btw , all the talk about this film was that julia roberts was to be in a fat suit for one scene
( her character is supposed to have lost 60 pounds ) , so when the scene finally came , i did get a little excited about what it might look like and then . . .
well , it basically just looked like julia roberts in a fat suit ! ugh .
i think i 'm gon na start drinking again after this lame - ass movie .
c'mon hollywood , enough with the crud !
where 's joblo coming from ?
beautiful ( 1/10 ) - my best friend 's wedding ( 7/10 ) - notting hill ( 5/10 ) - pretty woman ( 7/10 ) -runaway bride ( 5/10 ) - someone like you ( 4/10 ) - wedding planner ( 3/10 ) - when harry met sally ( 10/10 )
- you 've got mail ( 4/10 )
[A]:
N