Produced by AloysiusTHE DEVILS DICTIONARYby Ambrose BierceAUTHORS PREFACE_The Devils Dictionary_ was begun in a weekly paper in 1881 and wascontinued in a desultory way at long intervals until 1906  In thatyear a large part of it was published in covers with the title _TheCynics Word Book_ a name which the author had not the power toreject or happiness to approve  To quote the publishers of thepresent workThis more reverent title had previously been forced upon him bythe religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of thework had appeared with the natural consequence that when it came outin covers the country already had been flooded by its imitators with ascore of cynic books_The Cynics This_ _The Cynics That_ and_The Cynics tOther_  Most of these books were merely stupid thoughsome of them added the distinction of silliness  Among them theybrought the word cynic into disfavor so deep that any book bearingit was discredited in advance of publicationMeantime too some of the enterprising humorists of the countryhad helped themselves to such parts of the work as served their needsand many of its definitions anecdotes phrases and so forth hadbecome more or less current in popular speech  This explanation ismade not with any pride of priority in trifles but in simple denialof possible charges of plagiarism which is no trifle  In merelyresuming his own the author hopes to be held guiltless by those towhom the work is addressedenlightened souls who prefer dry winesto sweet sense to sentiment wit to humor and clean English to slangA conspicuous and it is hoped not unpleasant feature of the bookis its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets chief ofwhom is that learned and ingenius cleric Father Gassalasca JapeSJ whose lines bear his initials  To Father Japes kindlyencouragement and assistance the author of the prose text is greatlyindebtedABAABASEMENT n  A decent and customary mental attitude in the presenceof wealth or power  Peculiarly appropriate in an employee whenaddressing an employerABATIS n  Rubbish in front of a fort to prevent the rubbish outsidefrom molesting the rubbish insideABDICATION n  An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of thehigh temperature of the throne  Poor Isabellas Dead whose abdication  Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation  For that performance twere unfair to scold her  She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her  To History shell be no royal riddle  Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddleGJABDOMEN n  The temple of the god Stomach in whose worship withsacrificial rights all true men engage  From women this ancientfaith commands but a stammering assent  They sometimes minister atthe altar in a halfhearted and ineffective way but true reverencefor the one deity that men really adore they know not  If woman had afree hand in the worlds marketing the race would becomegraminivorousABILITY n  The natural equipment to accomplish some small part ofthe meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones  In thelast analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a highdegree of solemnity  Perhaps however this impressive quality isrightly appraised it is no easy task to be solemnABNORMAL adj  Not conforming to standard  In matters of thought andconduct to be independent is to be abnormal to be abnormal is to bedetested  Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward thestraiter sic resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himselfWhoso attaineth thereto shall have peace the prospect of death andthe hope of HellABORIGINIES n  Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of anewly discovered country  They soon cease to cumber they fertilizeABRACADABRA  By _Abracadabra_ we signify      An infinite number of things  Tis the answer to What and How and Why  And Whence and Whithera word whereby      The Truth with the comfort it brings  Is open to all who grope in night  Crying for Wisdoms holy light  Whether the word is a verb or a noun      Is knowledge beyond my reach  I only know that tis handed down          From sage to sage          From age to age      An immortal part of speech  Of an ancient man the tale is told  That he lived to be ten centuries old      In a cave on a mountain side      True he finally died  The fame of his wisdom filled the land  For his head was bald and youll understand      His beard was long and white      And his eyes uncommonly bright  Philosophers gathered from far and near  To sit at his feet and hear and hear          Though he never was heard          To utter a word      But _Abracadabra abracadab_          _Abracada abracad_      _Abraca abrac abra ab_          Twas all he had  Twas all they wanted to hear and each  Made copious notes of the mystical speech          Which they published next          A trickle of text  In the meadow of commentary      Mighty big books were these      In a number as leaves of trees  In learning remarkablyvery          Hes dead          As I said