Produced by Ron Burkey and Amy ThomteMRS KORNER SINS HER MERCIESBy Jerome K JeromeI do mean it declared Mrs Korner I like a man to be a manBut you would not like ChristopherI mean Mr Kornerto be that sortof man suggested her bosom friendI dont mean that I should like it if he did it often But I shouldlike to feel that he was able to be that sort of manHave you toldyour master that breakfast is ready demanded Mrs Korner of thedomestic staff entering at the moment with three boiled eggs and ateapotYus Ive told im replied the staff indignantlyThe domestic staff at Acacia Villa Ravenscourt Park lived in a stateof indignation It could be heard of mornings and evenings saying itsprayers indignantlyWhat did he saySaid e11 be down the moment es dressedNobody wants him to come before commented Mrs Korner Answered methat he was putting on his collar when I called up to him five minutesagoAnswer yer the same thing now if yer called up to im agen I spectwas the opinion of the staff Was on is ands and knees when I lookedin scooping round under the bed for is collar studMrs Korner paused with the teapot in her hand Was he talkingTalkin Nobody there to talk to I adnt got no time to stop andchatterI mean to himself explained Mrs Korner Hehe wasnt swearingThere was a note of eagerness almost of hope in Mrs Korners voiceSwearin E Why e dont know anyThank you said Mrs Korner That will do Harriet you may goMrs Korner put down the teapot with a bang The very girl said MrsKorner bitterly the very girl despises himPerhaps suggested Miss Greene he had been swearing and hadfinishedBut Mrs Korner was not to be comforted Finished Any other man wouldhave been swearing all the timePerhaps suggested the kindly bosom friend ever the one to plead thecause of the transgressor perhaps he was swearing and she did nothear him You see if he had his head well underneath the bedThe door openedSorry I am late said Mr Korner bursting cheerfully into the roomIt was a point with Mr Korner always to be cheerful in the morningGreet the day with a smile and it will leave you with a blessing wasthe motto Mrs Korner this day a married woman of six months and threeweeks standing had heard her husband murmur before getting out of bed onprecisely two hundred and two occasions The Motto entered largely intothe scheme of Mr Korners life Written in fine copperplate upon cardsall of the same size a choice selection counselled him each morningfrom the rim of his shavingglassDid you find it asked Mrs KornerIt is most extraordinary replied Mr Korner as he seated himselfat the breakfasttable I saw it go under the bed with my own eyesPerhapsDont ask me to look for it interrupted Mrs Korner Crawling abouton their hands and knees knocking their heads against iron bedsteadswould be enough to make some people swear The emphasis was on thesomeIt is not bad training for the character hinted Mr Korneroccasionally to force oneself to perform patiently tasks calculatedIf you get tied up in one of those long sentences of yours you willnever get out in time to eat your breakfast was the fear of MrsKornerI should be sorry for anything to happen to it remarked Mr Kornerits intrinsic value may perhapsI will look for it after breakfast volunteered the amiable MissGreene I am good at finding thingsI can well believe it the gallant Mr Korner assured her as with thehandle of his spoon he peeled his egg From such bright eyes as yoursfewYouve only got ten minutes his wife reminded him Do get on withyour breakfastI should like said Mr Korner to finish a speech occasionallyYou never would asserted Mrs KornerI should like to try sighed Mr Korner one of these daysHow did you sleep dear I forgot to ask you questioned Mrs Kornerof the bosom friendI am always restless in a strange bed the first night explained MissGreene I daresay too I was a little excitedI could have wished said Mr Korner it had been a better exampleof the delightful art of the dramatist When one goes but seldom to thetheatreOne wants to enjoy oneself interrupted Mrs KornerI really do not think said the bosom friend that I have everlaughed so much in all my lifeIt was amusing I laughed myself admitted Mr Korner At the sametime I cannot help thinking that to treat drunkenness as a themeHe wasnt drunk argued Mrs Korner he was just jovialMy dear Mr Korner Corrected her he simply couldnt standHe was much more amusing than some people who can retorted MrsKornerIt is possible my dear Aimee her husband pointed out to her fora man to be amusing without being drunk also for a man to be drunkwithoutOh a man is all the better declared Mrs Korner for lettinghimself go occasionallyMy dearYou Christopher would be all the better for letting yourselfgooccasionallyI wish said Mr Korner as he passed his empty cup you would notsay things you do not mean Anyone hearing youIf theres one thing makes me more angry than another said MrsKorner it is being told I say things that I do not meanWhy say them then suggested Mr KornerI dont I doI mean I do mean them explained Mrs KornerYou can hardly mean my dear persisted her husband that you reallythink I should be all the better for getting drunkeven occasionallyI didnt say drunk I said going itBut I do go it in moderation pleaded Mr Korner Moderation inall things that is my mottoI know it returned Mrs KornerA little of everything and nothing this time Mr Korner interruptedhimself I fear said Mr Korner rising we must postpone thefurther discussion of this interesting topic If you would not mindstepping out with me into the passage dear there are one or two littlematters connected with the houseHost and hostess squeezed past the visitor and closed the door behindthem The visitor continued eatingI do