Produced by Don Lainson and Charles Aldarondo HTML versionby Al HainesTHE UPTON LETTERSByARTHUR CHRISTOPHER BENSONaedae muri eseidon oneirata koudepo aos1905PREFACEThese letters were returned to me shortly after the death of thefriend to whom they were written by his widow It seems that he hadbeen sorting and destroying letters and papers a few days before hiswholly unexpected end We wont destroy these he had said to herholding the bulky packet of my letters in his hand we will keep themtogether T ought to publish them and some day I hope he willThis was not of course a deliberate judgement but his sudden deatha few days later gives the unconsidered wish a certain sanctity and Ihave determined to obey it Moreover she who has the best right todecide desires it A few merely personal matters and casual detailshave been omitted but the main substance is there and the letters arejust as they were written Such hurried compositions of course aboundin literary shortcomings but perhaps they have a certain spontaneitywhich more deliberate writings do not always possess I wrote my bestfrankest and liveliest in the letters because I knew that Herbertwould value both the thought and the expression of the thought Andfurther if it is necessary to excuse so speedy a publication I feelthat they are not letters which would gain by being kept Theirinterest arises from the time the circumstance the occasion that gavethem birth from the books read and criticised the educationalproblems discussed and thus they may form a species of comment on acertain aspect of modern life and from a definite point of view Butafter all it is enough for me that he appreciated them and if hewished that they should go out to the world well let them go Inpublishing them I am but obeying a last message of loveT B  MONKS ORCHARD UPTON    Feb 20 1905THE UPTON LETTERSMONKS ORCHARD UPTON  Jan 23 1904MY DEAR HERBERTI have just heard the disheartening news and I writeto say that I am sorry toto corde I dont yet know the full extent ofthe calamity the length of your exile the place or the conditionsunder which you will have to live Perhaps you or Nelly can find timeto let me have a few lines about it all But I suppose there is a goodside to it I imagine that when the place is once fixed you will beable to live a much freer life than you have of late been obliged tolive in England with less risk and less overshadowing of anxiety Ifyou can find the right region renovabitur ut acquila juventus tua andyou will be able to carry out some of the plans which have been sooften interrupted here Of course there will be drawbacks Bookssociety equal talk the English countryside which you love so welland if I may use the expression so intelligently they will all haveto be foregone in a measure But fortunately there is no difficultyabout money and money will give you back some of these delights Youwill still see your real friends and they will come to you with theintention of giving and getting the best of themselves and of you notin the purposeless way in which one drifts into a visit here You willbe able too to view things with a certain detachmentand that is areal advantage for I have sometimes thought that your literary workhas suffered from the variety of your interests and from your beingrather too close to them to form a philosophical view Your love ofcharacteristic points of natural scenery will help you When you haveonce grown familiar with the new surroundings you will penetrate thesecret of their charm as you have done here You will be able too tolive a more undisturbed life not fretted by all the crosscurrentswhich distract a man in his own land when he has a large variety ofties I declare I did not know I was so good a rhetorician I shall endby convincing myself that there is no real happiness to be found exceptin expatriationSeriously my dear Herbert I do understand the sadness of the changebut one gets no good by dwelling on the darker side there are and willbe times I know of depression When one lies awake in the morningbefore the nerves are braced by contact with the wholesome day whenone has done a tiring piece of work and is alone and in that frame ofmind when one needs occupation but yet is not brisk enough to turn tothe work one loves in those dreary intervals between ones work whenone is off with the old and not yet on with the newwell I know allthe corners of the road the shadowy cavernous places where the demonslie in wait for one as they do for the wayfarer do you remember inBewick who desiring to rest by the roadside finds the dingle allalive with ambushed fiends horned and heavylimbed swollen with theoppressive clumsiness of nightmare But you are not inexperienced orweak You have enough philosophy to wait until the frozen mood thawsand the old thrill comes back That is one of the real compensations ofmiddle age When one is young one imagines that any depression will becontinuous and one sees the dreary uncomforted road winding aheadover bare hills till it falls to the dark valley But later on one canbelieve that the roadside dells of rest are there even if one cannotsee them and after all you have a home which goes with you and itwould seem to be fortunate or to speak more truly tenderly preparedthat you have only daughtersa son who would have to go back toEngland to be educated would be a source of anxiety Yet I find myselfeven wishing that you had a son that I might have the care of him overhere You dont know the hearthunger I sometimes have for young thingsof my own to watch over to try to guard their happiness You would saythat I had plenty of opportunities in my profession it is