Epic Movie

Lucy (Jayma Mays) finds that her adoptive father (David Carradine), a museum curator, has been attacked by Silas (Kevin Hart). Before dying, he gives clues which lead her to a "Golden Ticket" in a vending machine candy bar. During "comedic" situations, Golden Tickets are found by other orphans, which include Edward (Kal Penn), a disillusioned monk trainee; Susan (Faune Chambers), a displaced adopted girl; and Peter (Adam Campbell), a mutant at Mutant Academy who is often teased for his chicken-like wings. All four meet up at Willy's Chocolate Factory. Willy (Crispin Glover) reveals his plot to use them all as a special ingredient in his treats.
In an effort to hide from the maniacal Willy, Lucy finds a wardrobe. On the other side, in the middle of a wintry forest, she finds Mr. Tumnus (Hector Jimenez), who welcomes Lucy to Gnarnia and warns her of danger. The others follow Lucy to Gnarnia, and Edward meets the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge). She convinces him to trap the other orphans in order to become the king of Gnarnia in her White Castle. All four go to Tumnus' house, where they discover that they are all related to one another, and that the White Bitch killed their parents. They ally themselves with Harry Beaver (Katt Williams), Tumnus' life partner, to defeat the White Bitch.
Edward sneaks off to the White Bitch's castle and refuses to tell her where the others are. She flashes him her breasts, hypnotizing him into giving up the information on the orphans, then imprisons him. The White Bitch sends Silas after the trio; Tumnus apparently sacrifices himself to ensure their safety. Afterwards, the orphans meet a graying Harry Potter (Kevin McDonald), along with a balding Ron Weasley (George Alvarez) and a pregnant Hermione Granger (Crista Flanagan) at Hogwarts, and other characters from famous movies. They all help Lucy, Susan, and Peter train for the war against the White Bitch. Meanwhile, the White Bitch reveals her plans to create a new continent for her followers via a magic crystal. Edward escapes with the assistance of Captain Jack Swallows (Darrell Hammond), only to find out it was a ruse as Jack, the Bitch's old enemy, needs intelligence out of Edward. Jack is then stabbed by the White Bitch as the magic crystal is thrown in the ocean and grows, putting the Bitch's plan in motion.
Upon finishing their training, Lucy, Susan, and Peter head to the camp of Aslo (Fred Willard). Aslo agrees to help Edward, and he manages to kill Silas, but while breaking Edward out, Aslo is slain by the White Bitch. As the orphans have a pre-battle party with their allies, Susan gets drunk and vomits everywhere. Their army is disgusted enough that nobody shows up to help the orphans the next day. The four siblings engage Jack, who is using a giant wooden wheel, in battle and are defeated. Peter then finds a magic remote and uses its powers to save his siblings. Together, they kill the army, defeat the White Bitch, and stop her plan. Peter declares the White Bitch will receive a fair and just trial in the new Gnarnia, but Jack's wheel accidentally crushes her. The four are crowned the new rulers of the land. Tumnus then shows up, having survived his battle. Decades later, the four now-elderly rulers find the wardrobe again and go through it. They appear moments after they had left, young again. They meet Borat (Danny Jacobs), who congratulates them on a happy ending, but then, the four are accidentally run over by Jack's wheel.
Extended version[edit]
The unrated, longer version (released in the United Kingdom as the "Rude &amp; Crude Unseen Version") of the film features some scenes not shown in the theatrical version. In the last scene, Willy Wonka, instead of Borat, comes in and says: "I told you it was going to be an epic adventure." Willy Wonka then goes in the wardrobe and puts out a "do not disturb" sign that refers to the girl in the wardrobe. The Oompa-Loompas come in and start singing the Willy Wonka theme song. The four are then crushed by the wheel. Also, during the scene where Lucy is crushed under the junk that falls out of the "Narnia" closet, the girl who runs out is nude, as opposed to wearing a bikini. In the Snakes on a Plane scene, when the Samuel L. Jackson lookalike yells, he replaces "goddamn" with "motherfuckin'". In the sex scene with Mystique, Peter follows big hooters with the words silver dollar nipples.

Question: Who slains Aslo?
Answer: The White Bitch