How to design the worlds worst meter , top down design - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / projects

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 08:17:41 am
content: The worlds worst meter is setting a rather high goal considering the competition but after considerable thought I believe it can be done. Have laid out design goals.The battery must not last more than a week. When off a stand by LED will be lit drawing a continuous 20 ma. This should limit battery life to 1 week.The battery must be expensive and hard to find. I was thinking 1955 22 volt for the first TR1 transistor radios. Good luck finding that battery.The meter must not render a precise ready under any condition. This was not easy however there is a water fountain display used for computer speakers that should be up to the task. It has 4 water jets that are wonderfully off by + or - 15 percent. A correct reading can never be made from this display as one will never know which water jet is the right one. I have a picture of it. Its perfect. The water fountain Fluker 1000 DVM by hung low enterprises , batteries not included..We must always strive to be better so if anyone has a suggestion to improve the non functionality of this meter I would like to hear it.

author: iampoor
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 08:19:32 am
content: How about the old 90 volt batteries from portable tube radios?

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 08:51:32 am
content: I knew if I asked more good ideas would come. I like it . Yes a 90 volt battery. I will change the stand by LED for a neon bulb. This way we have to have a 90 volt battery. The fluker 1000 is now heavy with a 90 volt battery that will have to be replace every week at 50 bucks a pop.

author: dmills
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:33:50 am
content: The screen backlight should turn off after approximately 2 seconds, so that it serves no purpose what so ever.Lets have non standard probe sockets while we are at it, after all the shielded banana plug is so last century (In fact lets take a hint from Apple and use a DIFFERENT probe connector on every version).Resistance measurement should use a voltage high enough to ensure any available silicon diode is forward biased (But not high enough that you can buzz out led polarity).On ohms range the measurement voltage should be applied to the probes the wrong way around (Yes, this is a thing!), to confuse you when there are diode junctions in play.Updates should be no more then once every several seconds, and the continuity buzzer should be tied to the measured value so it always lags well behind what you are probing.It should have that most useless of features, a 'HOLD' button that does not put the thing into peak hold, but instead just freezes the display.Oh, and a metal case would be good.... Preferably connected to the negative probe!Regards, Dan.

author: richard.cs
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:42:28 am
content: Quote from: dmills on May 19, 2016, 09:33:50 amOh I think we can do better than that. The case should be connected to either probe or to various sensitive internal nodes and change (ideally not in a repeatabe way) based on which range is selected.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:59:21 am
content: Use electrostatic deflection for the water jets powered by a pair of 5KVZamboni pileswith a large reservoir capacitor to reduce the impedance for improved transient response, with exposed spring terminals +/-5KV just under a really flimsy battery compartment cover that requires a wrecking bar to remove intentionally but pops off on its own with any temperature change. Additionally locate the battery compartment to maximize the risk of your finger tips landing in it if you attempt to pick up the meter with the battery cover removed, and put the holders for the Zamboni piles on top of the 90V battery holder so they have to be removed to change the 90V battery.The Zamboni piles also power a 10KV insulation test mode that is activated by a single button press. A slightly longer press of the same button activates the low voltage continuity test mode. The button has carbon contacts, is made by the lowest bidder in Shenzen and requires an operating force of 50N for reliable actuation.Use an acidDaniel cellwith replaceable electrolytes and electrodes to power the low ohms range so the user has all the joys of handling acid copper sulphate solution that rots paper and most fabrics even with trace contact.Quote from: richard.cs on May 19, 2016, 09:42:28 amAdd a speech synthesizer, that reports the reading from approximately three seconds ago in a thick Geordie accent, but takes several tries to get the decimal point in the right place. If the speech button is pressed too frequently, the reading will be disturbed by up to 10%The speech circuit should use the positive probe as a common(for ease of wiring the push to speak button in the probe)and have a non-isolated headphone jack, supplied complete with a pair of dollar store metallised plastic earbuds for use in noisy environments. Any cautions about not using headphones when probing high voltage circuits should be accidentally omitted from all except the Korean hangul script section of the user manual.

author: Fungus
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:01:13 am
content: Make sure it beeps every time you move the selector switch.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:09:49 am
content: No No. It SPEAKS the new range, but due to contact bounce in the switch, stutters and often gets it wrong. Due to the limitations of the speech synthesiser, the ranges were recorded as highly compressed samples voiced by the janitor of a southern Indian call center.

author: Whales
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:13:55 am
content: Requires an always-online connection to the maker's servers. Make sure to shut down the servers after about a year.

author: Rerouter
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:21:51 am
content: Lets take that a bit further, the multi meter is literally an auto ranging black box, with no buttons or display just the 2 probe inputs (yes amps has to share)you have to enter an email address and a wifi network name (no network passwords allowed) through an IRDA connection using software that is unsupported on xp after any service packs are installed,The device is strictly wifi B, and you cannot turn the wifi off, ensuring a nice short battery lifeThe device will email you the reading it believes your after once every 30 seconds, with an ad from the company about there newest model in the footerIf you want to force a range or setting you have to reply the email with the correct settings, this will take 60 seconds and a power cycle to accept, and from then on will power on with those settings until changed next time.This is as close to something i could imagine actually being created at one point in time... anyone up for an indigogo campaign?

author: mikerj
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:55:23 am
content: Quote from: Ian.M on May 19, 2016, 09:59:21 amI think you just re-invented the Extech RC200 SMD that tried to kill DaveOver current/voltage protection should be provided by something akin to an airbag detonator to ensure the user is made fully aware of their faux pas.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 11:20:44 am
content: Use a thick magnesium alloy chassis so that when (not if) it catches fire, it burns right through your bench and maybe even through the lab floor.

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 01:36:15 pm
content: Make sure it emits enough RFI to upset any circuit you are measuring.

author: xrunner
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 01:39:39 pm
content: Quote from: John Heath on May 19, 2016, 08:17:41 amHmmm ... well, what I would do is actually have a very good multimeter inside, then corrupt it's output reading so that you get bad numbers. You need a good meter inside to make a bad meter, because the good meter has to know what the "correct" reading would be at all times, so as to never actually allow that to be displayed, even by chance.

author: ruffy91
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 01:43:25 pm
content: Make it suspectible to any GSM phone within 1 meter like the Fluke 87 III (I believe the 87 V has it fixed).

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 02:06:11 pm
content: Back to the insane batteries: How about an 8 cell AA battery holder and integrated charger supplied with three unprotected 14500 Li-ION cells. and five dummy batteries so you can use alkalines if the rechargables run flat. Unfortunately the charge management controller was muntzed and there is nothing to stop users attempting to mix & match or charge primary cells!

author: Muttley Snickers
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 02:17:29 pm
content: Any meter that incorporates an almost proprietary battery that takes a lifetime to charge and offers up to six hours of operation until the rinse and repeat cycle is due, utilising an additional proprietary adaptor to charge the unit via the banana input jacks rendering the meter completely unusable for a prolonged period.From what I understand the new releases from CEM feature these attributes and they are looking to corner the market in this regard.

author: Wytnucls
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 03:24:44 pm
content: True RMS bandwidth from 10 Hz to 20 Hz.Voltage accuracy of 0.01%+300 digits.Measures conductance instead of resistance.Temperature in degrees Rankine.6 1/2 digits display in Roman numerals (5 updates a second).Internal clock with hourly chime.Data logging on perforated paper tape.Buzzer loudness as bar graph.2 candles adjustable screen brightness (real candles).Powered by hand cranked dynamo.IP67, with tight case secured by 30 rivets.Telephone rotary dial for range selection.

author: botcrusher
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 03:29:59 pm
content: No, no, no, make sure that the backlight always turns On to blinding brightness after 2 seconds. That way, even if the battery is full, you can't actually see the reading, much less how off it is.

author: SeanB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 03:42:33 pm
content: Quote from: Rerouter on May 19, 2016, 10:21:51 amYou have met a Canon MFD then........ On the plus side they do tend to work well once you have set them up, after at least a day of changing settings, then depower for 30 seconds and then turn on and check it was applied.No, backlight has to be a blue on blue light on the display, with the source being a single massively overdriven blue LED that is cracked, so it will flicker intermittently, and also it has to turn on for 20 seconds on power on as a confidence check, and must turn off for 2 seconds on each reading, only turning on for a second before the next reading.Display has to use a old TN LCD running on a 0.5VAC 5Hz supply, and it has to have the slowest reaction time possible, along with contrast being no more than 5:1, with a viewing angle of 3 degrees, centred on a small cone 5 degrees above the horizontal and tilted to the left side, being inverted anywhere outside that cone with no digits visible.3mm tall digits, with the annuciators being all on the same backplane, driven out of phase, and having the opposite viewing angle, along with being 8mm high by 2mm wide.

author: dmills
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 04:07:45 pm
content: It is rumoured that TI got out of the serious scientific calculator game because they could no longer find a supplier of LCDs like that!Actually all configuration should be web based and done via a cloud based portal that requires you to take your firewall down so it can talk to the meter (Technology borrowed from an ungodly combination of recent Cisco and just about any SCADA vendor).Regards, Dan.

author: Mechatrommer
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 04:15:31 pm
content: is this even a thread?how to block a thread? i dont want something unusefull keep popping out contaminating my brain...

author: StillTrying
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 04:20:04 pm
content: Using the backlight must reduce the contrast to virtually nil, and throw any readings out by +/- 20%.The display viewing angle not to exceed 3 degrees.All readings to be displayed in Roman numerals, - but without the measurement units to save clutter.Test lead sockets to be on the back, test leads made from single core steel wire.To be named uMeter.

author: FlyingHacker
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 05:33:45 pm
content: Positive and negative voltage readings of the same circuit (by reversing the leads) should always be off by about 15%If dropped it should shatter off a large chunk of the case. Not enough to cause the user to throw the meter away, but enough to expose some metal.Tape should NOT stick to the case so there is no way to "repair" this damage.Voltage, current, and resistance should all use the same lead connections. Applying voltage to the resistance settings should start a fire. Applying amperage to the voltage setting should cause a blinding flash, and then start a fire while the user is dazed.

author: SeanB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 05:42:03 pm
content: Test leads, to be made from double cotton coated rubber insulated wire, wire spec being 7 strands of 1mm diameter spring steel, coated with a black oxide film to improve looks, and the probes must be made from a soft flexible pliable sticky grey rubber full of BPA, and the tips must be a ball 5mm diameter, with a nickel coat and a protective lacquer to protect it. Meter ends to require a special tool, only obtainable from the manufacturer, and made from highly leaded steel, with a bright chrome finish and no nickel underlay. Must require at least 200 turns to insert and remove the lead, removing the tool every 1/16 turn and reinserting it to get the next 1/16 turn, in a blind hole with no guide. Must incorporate a spring that will randomly undo all the applied turns.

author: babysitter
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 05:57:15 pm
content: Internal reference voltage out of a barometric pressure sensor.LDRs in Series with the probes.Operating at a ammonia nitrate fuel cell to ensure TSA hilarity when flying.Solar powered.Lead-Shield and rad-hard components.Dont forget a always-on maxell HSN-3000 to inform you of recent nuclear events.Best regards,your marketing division.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 06:11:41 pm
content: From a lifetime of occasional encounters with crappy leads, picking the worst features of each, if you dont order it with SeanB's lead upgrade option:The supplied test leads should, fresh out the box, smell like old vomit, be encrusted with granules of expanded polystyrene permanently bonded to them by plasticiser migration, be stiff enough to use to do the Indian rope trick on a hot summer's day (if you can ever get them unstuck from the twist-tie and initially straightened out), have probes with no strain relief and blunt recycled mild steel tips plated with mystery metal retained by a knurled press fit into the brittle polystyrene probe shell, with nothing to prevent them vanishing into the probe shell if moderate pressure is applied to the tip, have nominally 4 mm plugs with a brittle clip-together right-angle clamshell body that disintegrates if the lead is yanked and has distorted enough that the contact shroud jams in the socket, with pins badly machined from recycled mystery brass-like metal, with an off-centre ragged cruciform slit supposedly to provide contact springing, but due to the excessive plug diameter, in practice causing one or more parts of the plug pin to break off the first time the plug is inserted in the socket. Additionally, the wire core itself should be 7 strand low grade recycled aluminium, 0.5mm diameter, spot-welded to the probe tips and plug pins, for ultimate lack of fatigue resistance and current carrying capability, with a tendency to break anywhere its flexed more than once or at multiple places if the lead is ever under tension.

author: Fungus
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 07:24:07 pm
content: Eye tracking to adjust the LCD contrast based on your viewing angle.Make it so you have to move your head constantly to keep the contrast up to a readable level.

author: klunkerbus
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 07:36:54 pm
content: I like the WiFi idea. Just make sure the meter can't be used if it hasn't been registered with (pick the corporate entity of your choice), and can't be used if the meter can't reach the mother ship via same WiFi.IMO, all prior thoughts on the batteries are lightweight. The worst meter ever HAS TO somehow be dependent on, and only work with BATTERISERS installed. EDIT: It doesn't matter how this is accomplished. We're only in the specification phase here, not the design phase. Maybe it'll require a customized version of the Batteriser to make this happen.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 07:48:06 pm
content: The test lead sockets should be at the top of the case above the display and the bottom should be narrow and rounded for maximum instability so if you are using the heavily spring loaded built in stand (which closely resembles a mousetrap), as soon as you lift the leads off the bench, the meter starts to fall over and the stand snapping shut catapults it across the bench. Picking up the meter with the stand open frequently results in the loss of fingernails or even broken fingers.As the manufacturers were too cheap to include WiFi or bluetooth, it uses a 100dBA audio spectrum datalink which sounds worse than bad J-pop played backwards at double speed. Product registration to enable advanced features like manual current/voltage/resistance mode selection (rather than its auto-mode guessing), or non-explosive autoranging, requires the datalink utility which is an IE6 only ActiveX control and BHO, with an installer which drops 13 toolbars, three botnets and at least one rootkit, and once installed, BSODs your PC if you boot up without the meter switched on and in audible range (under 2m due to the use of the beeper pizeo disk as a crappy microphone, unless you have your PC connected to a multimedia surround sound system turned up to 11), or pause the datalink for longer than 10 minutes.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 08:37:52 pm
content: Hire Rigol to design one.

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:29:08 pm
content: To get the meter out of demo mode you have to give your credit card details to some dodgy overseas call centre that charges you a premium rate to stay on hold for an hour and a half while getting transferred from one pointy haired boss to another, none of which speak your language, and the call drops out every five minutes meaning you have to go through fifteen layers of menus every time. After taking your money they tell you they don't support your brand new meter anymore. Then they put you on their telemarketer list and ring you up at 3am every morning, reverse charges of course.

author: Skimask
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:35:26 pm
content: I just about pissed myself laughing...Can we pay for this using some obscure denomination of currency?

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 09:56:08 pm
content: Automatic zero offset adjustment by 3 axis accelerometer tilt sensor and FSD adjustment by a DC E-field sensor next to the display so we can have a DMM with similar sensitivity to position and static charge as a really crappy analog meter.

author: CM800
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:09:53 pm
content: For ultra high accuracy each range should cover only 1 significant figure, per example:1 Ohm -> 10 Ohm, 10 Ohm -> 100 Ohm, 100 Ohm to 1000 Ohm, 1000 Ohm to 10000 Ohm.Each resistance value will be listed in binary for extra wow-factor, while the voltage will be in Hex and Current in Oct.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 19, 2016, 10:17:05 pm
content: Intrinsically unsafe: Front panel markings to use a pigment loaded with activated platinum black, so it can catalytically ignite explosive vapours even with no battery fitted and no test leads attached.

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 02:01:15 am
content: I am overwhelmed and feel in the presents of greatness when reading these fine contributions to the Fluker 1000 meter. This is cause for a complete redesign for the version B Fluker 2000 model with all contribution added. A testimony to the cleverness of the human mind when put to a task in applied electrical engineering. A raised beer and here here is in order.22 volt battery has been upgraded to a 90 volt battery. The added weight mounted high will raise the center of gravity making the meter more prone to tipping. In the Fluker tradition of excellence the battery life has improved from 1 week to less than 5 days with meter on or off. Any attempt to disconnect the battery to extend life for more than 60 minutes will be punished by total erasing of firmware. The USB plug to restore firmware is unpopulated. NewFluker.com site has USB plug , firmware file and 90 volt battery at 50 dollars each. For warranty and tech support OldFluker.DeclaredBankruptcy.com.The new test leads should be stiff , non standard banana plug , stink of vomit , blunt end not sharp , irritatingly short at 12 inches and must not last more than 1 month of normal use. This is a tall order. Single solid wire 22 gauge wire for stiffness , a little sulfur for smell , rounded ends for informal coating non contact and non propriety plug for 12 inch leads. This will also be available at NewFluker.com for 50 dollars.Technical Specifications . wonderful contributions here. Resistance will always be above .8 volts making in circuit resistance measurement more difficult when transistors or diodes are present. The positive and negative of red and black leads will be reversed to cause confusion when measuring diodes. The voltage must never be greater than 1.1 volts so that an LED can not be measured. The continuity beep shall have at least a 1 second delay rendering it useless. The meter internal foil ground shield shall be connected the the red lead not the black. This should screw up AC measurements. Nicely doneInformation channels. The 4 Water jets have a 15 percent difference making then useless and more so when the meter tips over from pulling on the short 12 inch leads. The back up LCD display is too small for the naked eye armed with 10 1000 MCD LEDs for a blinding back light with low contrast. The third speaker alternative for information. It has been given an obscure English accent known only to a small village of 83 in the southern part of India. Any attempt by Google to translate this English accent back into meaningful words have failed.I am sure I missed a few of the fine contributions however I stand proudly with confidence that the revised Fluker 2000 would be head and shoulders above any meter that wishes to say it is worlds worst.

author: jeroen79
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 02:48:15 am
content: Quote from: dmills on May 19, 2016, 09:33:50 amAnd the Hold button should not be a toggle and keep holding the value until the meter is restarted.

author: jwm_
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 08:26:41 am
content: Must be linked to your Facebook account, the real fluke touch-hold feature is implemented, but it can only show the reading by posting it to your Facebook wall.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 08:57:39 am
content: Great fun.Rotary range selector end position easily snapped off internally and rotation past the end point conveniently erases all FW.Note to self....Don't piss Ian.M off he has anmind

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 09:20:28 am
content: I'll just give an honourable mention to the Radio Shack/Tandy Micronta 22-164 'Autorange Voice Meter' which took over a second for the reading to stabilise before the speech function would give the correct result. If you pressed the button too soon, it often gave the correct digits, but the wrong order of magnitude. It also had cheesy leads with a proprietary +ve probe. Otherwise, it was a reasonably decent meter for its vintage and price-point.

author: Jim the Oldbie
author_rank: Newbie
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 09:41:22 am
content: I may be a noob, but I am beginning to detect a certain amount of sarcasm in this thread.To which I can only add: The display window should have a cylindrical curve, so that no matter how the unit is placed, at least one digit will always be obscured by glare from overhead lighting.Oh wait, my Meterman already has that feature. Time for a patent search...

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 10:22:48 am
content: Quote from: tautech on May 20, 2016, 08:57:39 amNo, I can think of a far far more evil range switch: Lets start with only two probe sockets so it must switch in the shunt, and unfused amps ranges! Make it go Off - Amps - Ohms - Volts - AC Amps - AC Volts , for maximum chance of accidentally selecting a current range with the probes connected to a voltage source. The 'click' effect for each position is due to a brittle plastic spring moulded as part of the case. With slight excess travel, the knob hits a slanted stop that gives it a squishy feel. Slightly more excess travel causes the knob to lift and shed the current shunt contact wiper, which will invariably spring back and sit between the last two positions, with the only thing stopping it from shorting both being a thin film of dielectric grease. Once its shed the shunt contact the knob and meter appear to operate normally on Ohms and Volts ranges until connected to a voltage sufficient to breakdown the film of dielectric grease, which connects the shunt across the leads with predictably catastrophic results.The final cherry topping would be to put the ICSP header close enough to the range switch for 'flashed' copper and soot to deposit on it, and pick a MCU that has a FUBARed ICSP implementation such that intermediate voltages on its programming pins cause 'bit-rot'.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 10:33:35 am
content: LOL tears LOL more tears.Some might call you sick Ian.

author: JPortici
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 10:52:24 am
content: FLUCKER!(thunder struck and horse neigh in the distance)

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 10:57:02 am
content: Sometimes its my evil mind, but mostly I'm just exaggerating or taking the maximally pessimal view of something I've actually encountered.e.g: Many years ago, I actually encountered a meter that had shed its range switch current contact somewhat like that. It didn't have the maximally evil range switch, and fortunately hadn't been used for mains testing, so hadn't ruptured due to explosive arc flash, but was misreading on ohms. We opened it up to try to fix it. BER due to the 'flashed' copper from the range switch causing leakage paths everywhere (and thus the ohms malfunction) and missing (vaporised) fixed contacts of the switch on the PCB.If you want evil, may I suggest shrouded input sockets with readily oxidised contacts that only connect 'reliably' if you pull the plug back out about a millimetre and twiddle it to break up the oxide. If fully inserted or backed out slightly more, contact is intermittent and the oxide can act as a rectifier. The plug shrouds on the supplied leads are an excessively tight fit in the sockets. (Again from personal experience with a crappy meter).Habitual pessimists go through life being pleasantly surprised.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 10:59:28 am
content: Quote from: JPortici on May 20, 2016, 10:52:24 amFrom a product guide of some Asian manufacturer:24 Fluck-115C Hand hedl Multimeter25 Fluck-117C Hand hedl Multimeter26 Fluck-281C Hand hedl Multimeter27 Fluck-289C Hand hedl Multimeter28 Fluck-2350C Hand hedl MultimeterI shit you not!

author: JPortici
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 11:03:33 am
content: I didn't come up with it though,Picture name on first postBut it would be a perfect name.also device speaks 'fluker' with horses and thunders when switched on. Wait for it to end before displaying a test pattern on the led display, then it works.Oh yes, display made from bargraph. One per each digit

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 11:27:50 am
content: To minimise support costs, the supposed manufacturer's website redirects you somewhat randomly to sites for its many resellers. When you find a product page that vaguely resembles the one you have, the reseller's support and downloads links redirect to a dynamic I.P. address behind the great firewall of China and reach a HTTPS landing page (with an expired or mismatched certificate) with over 1000 model numbers. The page is written in Hànzì, with a mismatched HTML encoding. Google Translate cant see the HTTPS page and barfs if you copy/paste from it. When you click a model number, a full screen popup and eight chinese lottery and fortune telling sites open. The popup is more Hànzì script, and a picture of an electronic gadget, but this time all as an image, with some clickable image map links that are randomly offset from any description. If you force the popup to close, the main page reopens it. The only way to dismiss it apart from killing the browser is to follow its links through a chain of weird pages until you are back at the model list. When you find a multimeter download, its either the wrong model or in Korean or Tagalog, or terminates unexpectedly. Finally, the support website is only intermittently accessible from NATO countries unless you use a 3rd word proxy!

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 11:46:23 am
content: Quote from: Ian.M on May 20, 2016, 11:27:50 amQuote from: Ian.M on May 20, 2016, 10:57:02 am^^^^^^^^^^^^You've been on too many Asian websites.

author: Skimask
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 04:11:46 pm
content: I want to see a rough draft of the manual...in the worst unperfect Chinglish posible...photocopied with a righteous blur...on used toilet paper.

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 04:41:39 pm
content: You just know that it will either be an A0 foldout with nearly no text but covered in obscure and ambiguous warning and function icons, printed on thin rice tissue paper, or it will be perfect bound using snail snot (with 10% of the pages not even glued), larger, thicker and heavier than the meter and paragraph by paragraph multilingual (but machine translated) in all major world languages + Esperanto, Klingon and Sindarin. All images will either be over-cropped coarse posterised halftone with minimal contrast, or will be line drawings that are simplified to the point of ambiguity.

author: tonyarkles
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 20, 2016, 11:55:26 pm
content: Orrrr... make the manual beautiful. Thorough, well designed, and robust. Include details on everything, except for the evil parts of course. This way, the unsuspecting buyer who looks at it in-store may believe that the entire device has had the same care and attention.

author: Muttley Snickers
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 12:38:52 am
content: Turning the backlight on should cause the meter to emit a loud high pitch squeal causing every dog in the neighborhood to go off it's rocker.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 02:38:12 am
content: Quote from: Muttley Snickers on May 21, 2016, 12:38:52 amWho on earth would incorporate such a feature?Nah, baclight every few seconds each displaying a different measurement value.

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 05:04:19 am
content: Quote from: Ian.M on May 20, 2016, 09:20:28 amThanks for the memories. I still have my 22 164 . Had to dig it out from a pile of yesterdays junk. Put batteries in it and it still works after what must be 30 years. Somewhat like Hal 9000 when amplified by the computer water fountain speakers. The mod at the lower left is a small volume control I put in many years ago.

author: CatalinaWOW
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 05:19:15 am
content: A couple of important features have been missed.The battery must be soldered in.The fuse must be a non-standard type and soldered in.Both battery and fuse replacement must require dis assembly of the case using a minimum of three different security screws. At least one of these screws must be hidden under a plate.If a rotary switch is used the detent force must set high enough to prevent children, women and lesser men from rotating the switch. This feature can be enhanced by ensuring that all edges on and near the knob are sharp and minimizing the size of any finger grips. And final enhancement is achieved by making the detent force small when the knob is in motion. This lets you overshoot the desired position with no difficulty.I like the idea of eliminating a built in display in favor of a near field or infrared connection to a handheld device. Particularly if the only interface available is the Blackberry OS.I think Ian got this, but the breakaway probe tips are a must have feature.The battery life requirements can easily be met with an automatic turn-on feature. Turns on when motion is not detected.

author: Muttley Snickers
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 06:01:42 am
content: As a handheld portable device it should require the use four hands forabnormal operation compelling you to employ and pay wages for another person who ideally is ambidextrous with nothing better to do, in addition it should cost a thousand bucks and incorporate bugger all in the way of input protection and no local service agent or better still a remote one that favours and promotes a throw away mentality.

author: SeanB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 09:01:41 am
content: Update on the voltage reference. It should be a josephson junction device, and placed in a cryoflask that has a capacity of 1l of liquid helium, 5l of liquid nitrogen, and with leadouts made from mercury inside the cryo tank, and gallium metal inside the liquid nitrogen, insulated inside the tanks with water ice. The feedthroughs to the outer world should be a 10mm diameter pure silver slug, with a M8x40 threaded stud on the outside, sealed into the glass with a tantalum seal and a graded glass, and with solid silver nuts and washers, torqued to 50Nm.Refilling can only be done with a specialised filling jig, that has a long uninsulated probe that penetrates a feedthrough port in the cryocontainers, and which needs approximately 5l of liquid helium to cool it so liquid can flow, and is made from a stainless steel alloy that suffers badly from low temperature embrittlement, and will snap at any stress, along with needing 3 hours of ramp down so it will not shatter from the thermal shock.Cryofill boil off time is around 8 hours, and if the fill boils off and it rises to the melting point of mercury the inner cryovessel both melts the leads and suffers from a fusible plug failure on the vacuum side. Outer vessel has a vent that operates only at 5 bar, while the glass vessel is only rated to 3 bar at test, and has an overpressure limit of 1 bar and a cycle limit of 8 cycles, 3 of which have been used in manufacture.

author: Fungus
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 04:40:25 pm
content: Quote from: SeanB on May 21, 2016, 09:01:41 amMake the flask very fragile and place the LRC fuses one millimeter away from it.Overload the inputs and you get fire, electrocutionandfrostbite simultaneously.

author: Kalvin
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 05:21:41 pm
content: Please use vacuum tubes so that the warm-up time is at least long enough and the need for calibration due to the ageing is short enough.Suitable batteries:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battery_%28vacuum_tube%29

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 21, 2016, 11:26:06 pm
content: ^^ And make sure the batteries for the vacuum tubes run out before the meter thermally stabilises.

author: SteigsdB
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 22, 2016, 09:16:25 am
content: Backlight illuminates for .12 secs every time the display updates.Moderate handling causes all printing to rub off.Patented Always-On™ power switch requires paper clip to operate, reminiscent of the old 3.5" floppy manual ejector.14.5 hour standard inclusive factory limited warranty, from time of shipping.Phone tech support speaks only Naukan Yupick.

author: karoru
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 04:57:01 pm
content: Use small incandescent bulb as GOOD battery indicator - if it doesn't glow it means battery's low. With a bit of effort you'll get an oscillator so it will also have blinky state to describe Schrodinger's battery - it's good and bad at the same time, you have to change the state of you system (by removing battery from case and measuring voltage with another meter) to get definite answer.Edit: I got overzealous on that 'case' thing. It should be bare PCB with 'CAT IV 1000V AC' printed on soldermask (preferably near the "CE" sign and mirrored by accident, these PCB computer packages are tricky).

author: bitslice
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 05:34:38 pm
content: Needs a unique design of torx screw to prevent accidental opening of the battery compartment, screw head to be made of the usual Chinese cheese/aluminium cast alloy.non by-passable Fingerprint reader, because it's a marketing feature, yoSingle blinking blue LED positioned above display of approximately 1 yotta-lumen, to show power on status (and as backup Death Star emitter)Case to be biodegradable, lifespan of 1 day beyond guarantee periodSpare parts manufactured in North Korea and only available as export to countries they like.Spare parts numbers are identical to a range of iPhone accessories, making it impossible to obtain any meaningful search results from Google.Test leads only 10cm long, to provide customer with an acceptable retail price point.Legends printed in Tipex, to provide hours of "guess the range" entertainment in a months time

author: Ian.M
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 06:08:29 pm
content: Don't forget the elastomer 'bump' case made from a mixture of date-expired cheese curd and octopus vomit, with an overtone of dog turd, carefully tinted 'Fluke Yellow' (Munsell No. 9YR 7.36\14) so that imports to most developed countries will be impounded by customs.https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140320/12373426639/trademark-insanity-sparkfun-has-to-destroy-30000-worth-multimeters-because-theyre-yellow.shtml

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 06:49:41 pm
content: Quote from: karoru on June 05, 2016, 04:57:01 pm

author: radar_macgyver
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 06:54:08 pm
content: You guys forgot the most important feature: a blindingly bright blue LED that makes it impossible to read the display, or even look in the general vicinity of your workbench.

author: John Heath
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 07:51:09 pm
content: Not to worry. I was suggested the LCD back light should be blindingly bright swamping out any chance of reading the display even when cheating with polarized glasses.

author: oxcart
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 08:53:03 pm
content: I think the Fluker 2000* PRO should be the worst, but the kind of worst driven by cheapness and ingenuity.A DMM using spent uranium leads might sound bad, but it's not really happening. I think the kind ofrealistic bad, the one you can find at the store or on amazon, is much more frightening, because..it can really happen.So i urge you to design adoableworst. Aplausiblemess. Penny-saving chinese shortcut unsafeness.-Two sockets only, everything autoranging and autoguessing.-Solar. It's so cool on the front, it has to be solar, a cheapo 4 cell unit with NO reverse diode. This saves us a penny and drains the battery whenever it's not super illuminated.-A very small, yet star-bright blue "power on" led.-An incandescent bulb backlighting, kept at a dim 1.1V so it's both difficult to read & makes you impossible to whack in a led.-7,5V 5 AAA battery compartment. Good luck using your 4 or 6 AAA chargers. There's an option for a 6V Li-Co block, but you'll still need the fifth AAA. You couldn't really use rechargeable batteries because a famous battery manufacturer has bribed us to whack in two diodes on the battery pack as a "safety measure".-Leads made with the cheapest, flimsiest chinese "steel". Itactuallycontains radioactive waste(it's a known way to get rid of radioactive waste cheaply). Point to point soldering, the dirty-burnt kind.-Rotary switch:On- Amps/L - Ohms/C - VoltAC/DC - HV - Batt/Light -Off-Rotary switch Batt/Light position: it shorts the battery pack straight to the sockets, meanwhile boosting the incandescent backlighting-Rotary switch markings are written all around the switch, so you can't read them all from a single orientation-A barometric reference is good, but is replaceable per-batch whenever a cheaper generic diode or piezo speaker is avaiable-All the internal sensitive grounds are shared and linked to the COM socket. Whenever AC or else could fry everything, a shkonky 1K resistor is fine. If trace resistances are enough, then be it.-new old stock tantalum caps everywhere, same size. if you need 10x capacity, you use 10 caps. easy.-no blast shield, we have no budget-the HV position is the key to safe 3kV measurements. It puts a skonky conductive bakelite(bakelite+carbon+conductive grease+cheapness) slider resistor in series with the IN socket, so you can conveniently divide the voltage and risk your life.*we should really stick to 2000, like pre-2000 cheapo software/gizmos marketing that never really cared about the year 2000 actually coming and passing: 2000 sounds futuristic enough, we won't spend a dime changing it!

author: bitslice
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 09:04:17 pm
content: Quote from: radar_macgyver on June 05, 2016, 06:54:08 pmSorry, I got there firstWe must have both bought a DVD player in the last ten years

author: chris_leyson
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 05, 2016, 09:13:22 pm
content: If you do it old school you could do it bolometer style with light bulbs, been there done that for RF power measurement and WTF it works reasonably well at 144MHz. You would have to paint them blue though. But hey, no electronics at all just resistors and light bulbs, cheap at least.

author: karoru
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: June 06, 2016, 12:53:41 am
content: Quote from: oxcart on June 05, 2016, 08:53:03 pmYou sound like Soviet-era test gear designer. Are you sure you're from Italy?

author: oxcart
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: June 06, 2016, 11:19:43 am
content: Quote from: karoru on June 06, 2016, 12:53:41 amDa!Jokes aside, my background and my second job are in the aerospace field. Where you learn that the sinister soviet-era test gear is in fact more straight to the point, reliable and safe than usa or eu stuff designed by "modern" engineers.

author: karoru
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: June 06, 2016, 05:10:07 pm
content: Of course, if you use gear designed for military use. Typical civilian consumer gear (like TV repair stuff, insulance testers or middle-class meters) tended to be made like cheap aliexpress stuff - bakelite cases that shattered from looking at it funny, connectors (esp. in battery compartments) that were rusty since day one, zero-reliability switches, insulation tester with bad insulation an so on. Only from Russia you could get car battery charger with selenium rectifier inside at 80's. Normal people got zero quality control and devices that were too crusty to use in "big industry". Sure, most of it doesn't actually come from design but more to QA and bad quality materials, but still:) I used these wonders of technology longer than any "western gear" and getting even el cheapo multimeter & video sig gen was like changing from horse carriage to Lamborghini.By the way I still use this beauty volt-ohmmeter made in Poland using exclusively Polish & Soviet parts, it's made like a tank and most complicated IC inside is BCD counter, still in spec after 25 years or so, so there certainly were nice designs behind the iron curtain