A frank explanation, and also an apology - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / general

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 20, 2022, 11:58:42 pm
content: Dear friends, even those who cannot stand seeing my posts...I wanted to explain a few things about my behaviour, esp maybe the last 6 months. I was under IMMENSE mental duress and anxiety, since 2016 (most of all around 2018-early 2021, and then more in July this year, when I was evicted)I was in our family home, with the family, since 1982, and in late 2019 my parents had to move out (a house for duty - I can't say more). Those in charge of the employment of the person for whom the house was supplied, were absolutely GHASTLY, uncaring and officious to my dear family, bearing in mind we (I and my siblings) had grown up in this house, and it's all I'd ever known.Then UK lockdown arrived, early 2020, and I was informed by the "officials" of the agency for which my parents worked, that I was to stay where I was, and keep in the house, my parents having moved.Pertinent info: I am "on the spectrum" as they say, with ("mild"? Can it be "mild"?) Asperger's, and now immense anxiety from a house move than hung over us like a HUGE black cloud for 3+ years, ENDLESS ineptitude on the behalf of the "officials" and contractors paid to make my parent's retirement home fit to live in, the stress of knowing we were - AND WE WERE - kicked out of our family home of 40 years, all because said agency decides "We like people to retire at 70" - I cannot expand on specifics, but my parents and the whole family are VERY deeply rooted and engrained in the village, we have MANY friends there, and in the other, nearby villages, who ADORE Mum and Dad, and were VERY angry at their forced - ahem - "retirement"Nutshell: My family, esp my Father and I, were subjected to a barrage of legal "throw some mud @ the wall and see what sticks", lame tactics from clumsy solicitors, showing ZERO compassion or any sense of understanding for our family, bearing in mind the capacity in which they'd worked for them FOR FORTY YEARS. The village I lived in, started making VERY "British" mumblings from certain people, one of whom was the signatory on a "Section 21" eviction, addressed to me and my Father (who was the primary employee) DESPITE them having told me "It's lockdown, stay where you are, and we will update this if lockdown is renewed"So anyway, in July 2022, I was suddenly evicted, leaving ALL my expensive, precious (even if just to me) gadgets and equipment behind in my FAMILY HOME since I was 7, and I was forced to then move in with my parents (2 miles away), until such time as I am able to get myself back on my feet, mentally, and find a house to rent in our home village.I have become rather cynical, hermit-like and rather bitter at times, towards people,having had myriad people RAMMING "advice" down my throat, relentlessly, in the middle of what felt like a perpetual mental TORNADO!. I have found it extremely hard (at some points, I recall clearly having lost ALL interest in literally ANYTHING, asking myself "What's the point in interests?" etc.I am sorry that this negativity and anger has spilled out into EEVBlog. I truly am sorry. I have no excuse to upset anyone, but I felt I owed you some explanation as to why I have been like this for a while.I hope you can forgive me. Sorry.MatthewI am NOT saying this to make excuses, and I AM telling you that the reasons behind what is habitual cynicism and please, know this - I DO SEE IT in myself and do not like it, and am trying to change it.PS: There are A HUGE amount more twists, turns and utter lunacy in the officials' treatment, which I have left out, but suffice it to say, I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, EVER.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 02:49:03 am
content: I'm harsh on everyone, so don't feel singled out.Regarding the last couple of years, push you're energy into doing to them what they did to you. And then some. Unlike them, don't be hap-hazard, the response must be calculated and considered.If you're stuck on how you might do that, formulate a specific question and ask.

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 03:15:20 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on October 21, 2022, 02:49:03 amThank you, Ed)

author: fourfathom
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 06:20:53 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on October 21, 2022, 02:49:03 amOr better yet, don't. Live your life the best you can. Looking backwards and fixating on revenge usually leads to self-destruction. There's a corny saying: "Living well is the best revenge." I think this is actually good advice.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 06:53:58 am
content: Quote from: fourfathom on October 21, 2022, 06:20:53 amSomeone once told me that if you dig a hole in order to enact avenge, dig a second hole for yourself. Another one is a famous race car driver (Dick Johnson) once said, the only thing looking back gives you is a sore neck.That said, I'm not talking about fixating on anything illegal. What if ETI spent just half the time badgering these ghouls that messed with him the way he thinks he's badgering us?Calculated and considered. ETI, is no fool. And obviously knows where the bottom of the barrel is to taper the mania. Keep a lid on the drinking.

author: newbrain
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 07:22:42 am
content: Quote from: eti, edited by me on October 20, 2022, 11:58:42 pmRemoved from my ignore list, where, TBH, you had landed at meteor speed.This might say more about me than you, but as our only interaction here, AFAIR, was some kind of spat I thought of letting you know.Unfortunately, clues that might be clearly perceived in personal interactions get completely lost in these electronic ones - we are only what we appear.Unlessone takes the time and bravery to get 'naked'.Kudos.

author: Ranayna
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 07:44:17 am
content: Quote from: newbrain on October 21, 2022, 07:22:42 amQuoted for emphasis.Exactly this. We here on the other end, maybe even on the other end of the world, know only what you actually type.

author: pcprogrammer
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 08:04:05 am
content: Hi Matthew, thank you for your candor.I sympathize with you, it is never pleasant to be in any ill situation.My advice, sorry for giving it, is to focus on the positive. Like fourfathom wrote, don't look back and go out to find yourself happiness.Bring us humor instead of moaning about some youtuber, you will be better liked for it. (But with moderation please)And I don't know if you perceived it like that I hate you, I don't. How can I, because like you stated yourself, I don't know you. What I do hate was the behavior you showed with all those rants.

author: tggzzz
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 10:41:42 am
content: Good for you, eti, for being public about all that. I can't have been easy to make that decision, nor to write that first post.I've occasionally wondered about what happens to people living in accommodation that "comes with the job" when they retire. I've suspected it could be unpleasant for many reasons, but I'm sorry to hear your confirmation.I've also seen, second hand, the effects that a "no fault eviction" can have on somebody, especially where there is little chance they would be able to get another tenancy (landlords don't like pets or the self-employed). Luckily in that case a death enabled a solution, with a couple of days to spare.My magic wand is completely out of pixie dust, unfortunately, so waving it would do little good. Absent that, the best I can do is to note that when I've been under stress the escape valves for me have been:not to look backtoo much. Hindsight can be beneficial, but I try not to let it paralyse me. Sometimes it is better to say "sod it" and move onto decide that, if push really came to shove, I could up sticks and disappear to somewhere like Mt Kailash or Vanuatu or Serendib or... even in the knowledge that I'd merely be swapping one set of problems for anotherwrite, but not post, responses until after I'd had a sleep and woken up again. Sometimes time allowstrivialthings to be seen in perspectiveEven when not under stress, I sometimes use the latter technique.Good luck in the future, which starts now.

author: DavidAlfa
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 11:38:19 am
content: Yeah, I also became a bit like that after my surgery.Not a "I'm going to complaint about my problems here too" post, just my experiences, you might feel identified and that always helps a little.Everything possibly going wrong went wrong. The system just trying to dodge all your complaints and doing nothing.Then people you thought you knew and considered good friends, only calling whentheircrappy device broke down or having problems withtheirlive/job/family/girlfriend/wife, totally selfish, but otherwise, knowing you were spending weeks alone at home, barely able to move, not a single call asking how it was going, basically giving zero f**.Since then I dumped all the trash out and kept only the valueable ones, not looking forward, that's not selfish, but self-care.All that people sending a message once every 6 months like- "Hey how it's going? Well? nice!" (Introduction)- "Erm... could you check this for me? It's not working" (Real purpose)- "Huh? Sorry, I'm busy" (Scratching my balls), "Could you ask in a few days?"- Days Later: "Sorry, still busy..." And so on, they eventually get itThe main issue is you little to no patience with idiots, right?Can't see the problem. Idiots become like that because nobody puts'em in their place ever.I have less friends now, but true friends, not convenience bastards haha.And yeah, I can also relate with "Why keep breathing? What's the benefit?" feeling.Comes in and goes out, try to force yourself on doing some activity, usually helps.For example I always found weight lifting relaxingThe subsequent muscular stiffness hurts a little, but I kinda like it, shows you did something.And those two days after I feel like on a morphine shot or something, must be all the serotonin productionNo problem about saying things out anymore. Recently I fixed a 180€ car part for a friend with a $3 motor.When I went to ship it back, he argued the shipping company I was choosing costed 2€ more than other one placed at the other of the city.Said some things lol. The hell you want me to spend 20 minutes driving for you saving 2€? Next time buy a new part you f**cunt lol.Still in a friendly way, but clear!Just don't keep it all inside. These people aren't keeping it either!

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 06:03:24 pm
content: Guys, thank you all SO much for your kindness and compassion. GOD bless you. Thank you, truly.

author: Kasper
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 06:08:47 pm
content: I too have had problems with my home that caused a lot of stress. I fought hard to fix them and it ended up being a waste. My biggest regret with that situation was not moving on sooner. When I finally did move out, life improved quickly and drastically despite being a little crowded as I moved from a 1100 sq ft condo into a 300 sq ft suite. I hope your experience will be similar, except hopefully you find more than 300 sq ft.

author: CatalinaWOW
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 09:28:12 pm
content: Best of luck to you as time goes on.Two bits of encouragement.In my late teens and early twenties I developed a pretty nasty way of interacting with others. I suddenly realized that it was hurting people close to me and consciously started to change. It wasn't easy learning a whole new way of living, but it has been well worth it. Unfortunately some debris from those years still comes up from time to time from people who have been in my life that long. I am sure you will fight some of that too, but don't let it get you down.Life has a way of developing rough spots. During those times it is even more important to have places to cling to, places you cherish and enjoy. The friends you have in nearby villages seem to be one such place for you, and hopefully this forum is another. It is well worth the effort to protect those things from the emotional torrents that the rest of life is putting you through. This thread is clearly an attempt in that direction and an ongoing effort will pay dividends. The old and mechanical rule of waiting an hour or day or whatever it takes before hitting the send key on an emotional message actually works pretty well.

author: MrMobodies
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 21, 2022, 11:40:55 pm
content: Quote from: eti on October 20, 2022, 11:58:42 pmLooking at your country flag it shows you're from England. With the way this country is at the moment for some people I am not surprised.Quote*Like to?That sounds disgusting way to treat someone who would still like to work and maybe still able to work.**I wonder if they would be forced to expand on the specifics in a court of law.Did they own the house?I thought there was protection for those in council homes where they send visitors to assist and meals on wheels but maybe things have changed.For whatever reason, I am sorry you had to move house and I am worried that might happen to me someday too and I would never know what it would feel like until it happens to me. The way they treated you and your parents sounds to me like they are up to something.QuoteThat is how I feeling right, but nowhere near as bitter loosing your home that you happy with. When I come across bullshit especially from some weeks ago to right now with companies demanding me to have things like a "smart meter" (yeh right prepaid meter in disguise) just for a feed in tariff which I didn't need in the other house I tend to get skeptical.In their quote the smart meter they want to put in maybe inaccurate, on the phone to Octopus it has a 36p a day charge for it, they require half an hour readings from it via a good mobile signal which I don't have in this area and they can cut the supply off through the sim if there is signal if they feel that the bill hasn't been paid or by mistake. I'd rather they send someone out than willy nilly cut it off. I suppose the intentions are good but from what I reading about those who had them I don't trust them at the moment.I find it's nice to have you here being objective.I have a lot of things that I collected over the years and it would be devastating for me to get rid of them as a result of a move.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 22, 2022, 02:38:03 am
content: Thanks for sharing.Quote from: eti on October 20, 2022, 11:58:42 pmI'll refrain from trying to help with "advice", the same "advice" thing has been happening in the thread (and on Youtube) for Fran, with people incluing myself trying to help her out with "advice". The best of intenting with trying to help in that case seems to have just made things worse.Hope it works out well for you.

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 22, 2022, 08:54:45 pm
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 22, 2022, 02:38:03 amI feel very sorry for Fran. Thank you, Dave, that means a lot. Thanks for being patient with me.

author: Fred27
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 23, 2022, 01:57:47 pm
content: It's seems we can be quick to point out when someone's being annoying here on the forum. I hope we're all as quick to give someone a second chance.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 24, 2022, 06:10:54 am
content: That does not mean the user has been given a pass to continue posting random rants about random topics and random youtube videos though.

author: RJSV
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 25, 2022, 04:15:02 am
content: Sorry Ed, my take on evening out the pain, by dishing out some (to the perps), maybe better 'Take care of your own karma'.I say that because, (happens almost every time); The dork pushing krap onto others eventually gets a punish, from the Universe, incoming.The person (alcoholic attorney) who seemingly got away without fair outcome...He blew his head open in an accident (alcohol related bycicle wreak), very soon after.Another person spewing insults and gossip, causing personal family trouble...met, very soon with a bad fate, all the while I had stayed clear of involvement.I've come to the attitude, that mostly those 'perps' of misery, on others, come to a reckoning without outside help. Unless it's a law enforcement issue, I tend to go quiet, and watch, as other casually known folks solicit retribution...from the Universe, not from myself.

author: RJSV
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 25, 2022, 05:36:26 am
content: You could also try, in lieu of apologies only, just quietly start a thread on some aspect of electronics work, if you feel a need for some positive presentation, balancing out the 'rant' stuff;Maybe you've re-wired that old Fender guitar and wish to share a couple photos. That sort of thing. You could then state that a better balance, of rants vs enthusiastic praise makes for a balanced 'community'.OR, try issue some positive advice, (in beginners section), with genuine care. You don't have to confess, too much...just help some beginners here, with some simply explained technical details.

author: dastructhm
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: October 25, 2022, 08:54:39 am
content: The universe is huge. Our milky way is huge too. But on this tiny earth, there are so many people with so much pain...

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 26, 2022, 01:58:42 am
content: Quote from: RJHayward on October 25, 2022, 04:15:02 amGosh,you’rehappy. Seems like your “advice” is heavily based on the lens of your own experiences. Life is a tailor-made fit, per person. With respect, I don’t think I’d come to you as a wise old sage of accrued wisdom.GOD will judge us all, not this “universe”. I care about how I look in my Father GOD’s eyes on the day I go to meet him. I go by what HE says and I try my best to live by Biblical wisdom, not this GOD-denying stuff, and yeah I fail ALL the time. Remove him, it all falls apart (and look HOW far the world has fallen apart).Don’t take my word for it, do some studying. Without GOD, the very primitive basics of life cannot exist; logic, reason, absolutes. Nope. All meaningless without the Father of it all.Anyway have a lovely day.

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 26, 2022, 01:59:32 am
content: Quote from: RJHayward on October 25, 2022, 05:36:26 amGood advice. Many thanks.