The EE joke collection - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / general

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 10, 2011, 08:47:06 pm
content: How's about we get a one liner collection for (Electronic / Engineering / Programmer / Hacker)Post your best stuff!I'll go first.(For the programmers)"Why doesn't C++ have garbage collection like Java?"-Because then there wouldn't be anything left

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 10, 2011, 09:08:57 pm
content: And a counter for the C programmer"You know, Java is allot like Alzheimer,It's starts slow and then it takes all your memory!"

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 03:30:34 am
content: Saw this on Reddit today. Made me chuckle."I have a band named 1023 mega bytes.We haven't had a gig yet."

author: dmlandrum
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 04:17:55 am
content: I just finished writing a song about an 18th century shipbuilder. It's called "Smack My Pitch Up."----Not too geeky, but I don't write geeky jokes, on the whole.

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 01:30:10 pm
content: You can't spell GEEK without EE.An electrical engineer deals with current events.

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 04:23:05 pm
content: What kind of car dose an electrician drive?- A Volts-wagon.OLD ELECTRICIANS never die,- they just do it until it Hertz.Why did Mr. Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?-Because he couldn't resistor!!

author: Neilm
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 06:48:34 pm
content: I couldn't believe it when I found a co-worker had not heard the old joke:What goes "Pieces of seven. Pieces of seven. Pieces of seven".It is a parity error.Almost as old as"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't."Neil

author: Excavatoree
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 07:25:53 pm
content: Quote from: Neilm on May 11, 2011, 06:48:34 pmI know people who still don't get that one, however.

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 11, 2011, 08:27:14 pm
content: Quote from: Excavatoree on May 11, 2011, 07:25:53 pmFor them you use the version: There are 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.For those that get it, you upgrade to: There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that confuse it with binary.---“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael SinzBeware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.Better to be a geek than an idiot.

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 10:42:17 am
content: I like my women like I like my transistors.-Turned on?no.-Full of silicone ?no.doped?- Steinn Örvar / sacherjj

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 01:29:56 pm
content: Quote from: st1 on May 12, 2011, 10:42:17 amI thought this was heading for turned on.

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 03:44:23 pm
content: Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 04:05:02 pm
content: Still one of my favorites:One atom says to the other, I think I've lost an electrons.The other atom says, are you sure.First atom responds, yes, I'm positive.

author: dmlandrum
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 08:03:22 pm
content: Werner Heisenberg was pulled over for speeding by a cop. The cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "no, but I know exactly where I'm at."

author: dengorius
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 09:49:22 pm
content: Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it

author: alvarop
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 12, 2011, 10:39:24 pm
content: Quote from: dengorius on May 12, 2011, 09:49:22 pmReminds me of this XKCD comic on good code:http://xkcd.com/844/

author: johnwa
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 10:09:44 am
content: No-one has linked to the sci.electronics.repair joke collection yet:http://www.repairfaq.org/sam/humor.htm. There are some good ones over there! (The rest of the site is pretty good too, if you haven't seen it.)

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 10:46:21 am
content: The rubber ballA mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 11:45:22 am
content: A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

author: deephaven
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 12:05:21 pm
content: A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.The group was silent for a moment.Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 01:00:45 pm
content: deephaven ^^How was the antennas wedding?-The ceremony was ok, but the reception was great!

author: sacherjj
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 01:28:28 pm
content: In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"The mathematician said: "Never."The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given $50 to measure the height of a building.The mathematician buys a ruler and a sextant, and by determining the angle subtended by the building a certain distance away from the base, he establishes the height of the building.The physicist buys a heavy ball and a stopwatch, climbs to the top of the building and drops the ball. By measuring the time it takes to hit the bottom, he establishes the height of the building.The engineer puts $40 into his pocket. By slipping the doorman the other ten, he establishes the height of the building.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 01:51:18 pm
content: "I'm like an IGBT - I don't have a complement nor do I need one." - Brittany Benzaia (she wants to stay single)"Tiffany Yep makes the net work!""I think 10MHz is a relatively high frequency and 10W a relatively low power. Tiffany Yep thinks 10MHz is a rather low frequency and 10W a high power." (power electronics vs. digital communications)"Allie Moore is so pretty, even the Tek is showing some nice curves!" (And now I wonder what Tiffany Yep looks like on an oscilloscope...)"You can never be too rich or have too many power supplies."

author: DaveW
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 03:51:43 pm
content: For everyone in aerospace...Quote

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 13, 2011, 09:09:55 pm
content: This has been hanging up on the wall for who knows how long..

author: metalphreak
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 14, 2011, 01:51:59 pm
content: Knock Knock.Who's There?...... (TBC)

author: Mechatrommer
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 14, 2011, 02:53:12 pm
content: a friend ask me, "whats camera you have?". i said "5d, it can do video". he said "oh thats an older camera, there's newer camera, it can make coffe"

author: Richard W.
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: May 14, 2011, 03:12:49 pm
content: http://www.classictek.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=62:tektronix-wizards-witches-and-cartoons&catid=87:tektronix-engineering-humor&Itemid=80http://classictek.org/images/stories/Articles/assorted_material/Scope_Cleaning.pdfpage 2, right collumn, line 12 (till now I've never thought about storing my oscilloscope in an oven...)the last page is also, err... interesting

author: tekfan
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 15, 2011, 02:21:36 am
content: Quote from: Richard W. on May 14, 2011, 03:12:49 pmKind of like:http://www.amplifier.cd/Test_Equipment/Tektronix/Tektronix_7000_series_mainframe/rep-und-kal-7633/7633_Badewanne.jpgExotic parts you've always been hunting for but never could source:Exorbitant sounding transistor with adjustable hfeThe alike looking type S with adjustable bias never got into productionUnknown prototype of lead spacing adjustable capacitorsAlso this well kept secret, the never needed prototype of a wattage adjustable trimmer with integrated smokeabsorber

author: st1
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: May 15, 2011, 09:02:27 pm
content: Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a few hours, you realize that he likes it.

author: metalphreak
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 16, 2011, 06:20:28 am
content: Quote from: metalphreak on May 14, 2011, 01:51:59 pm4 Posts and a considerable time later........... Java

author: Kiriakos-GR
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 18, 2011, 01:57:33 am
content: I have something funny to share and its real, with proofs ..Check the address of this German Agilent division ..and specifically the street name .http://www.chemeurope.com/en/companies/6336/agilent-technologies-sales-services-gmbh-co-kg.html

author: metalphreak
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: May 18, 2011, 02:13:26 pm
content: Quote from: Kiriakos-GR on May 18, 2011, 01:57:33 amDoesn't HP own Agilent? Or was it Agilent bought HP's electrical testing division?

author: baljemmett
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: May 18, 2011, 03:53:04 pm
content: Quote from: metalphreak on May 18, 2011, 02:13:26 pmHP decided to concentrate on computing around the turn of the century; everything else (test and measurement, semiconductors, medical / scientific, etc.) got spun off into a new and independent company, which is Agilent. A few years after that Agilent in turn sold off their semiconductor and optoelectronic division, which is now Avago -- or so I gather after thinking the Avago displays and datasheets I was looking at last week were suspiciously HP-like!

author: lowimpedance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: November 25, 2011, 02:09:00 am
content: Dave and othersYou know those tin foil hats you wear to stop the government controlling your brain - take them off immediately.The scientific study (link below) from MIT demonstrates that the hats actually AMPLIFY those sections of the frequency spectrum reserved for government use. You may actually be helping the government with their mind control.Read this straight away:>http://berkeley.intel-research.net/arahimi/helmet/There is of course a rebuttal from those so paranoid they are even paranoid about other paranoids. I'll leave you to decide:http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200511112730.afdb_effectiveness

author: McMonster
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: November 25, 2011, 02:29:03 am
content: I found this a very long time ago. And I still laugh.Quote

author: SgtRock
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: November 25, 2011, 04:22:58 am
content: Greetings EEVBees:--Two university presidents were discussing how expensive is was becoming to to furnish and equip college departments. One said "These Science and Engineering departments are killing me with the expenses for equipment and instrumentation. I much prefer Mathematics departments. Other than buildings and furnishings all you need are pencils, paper, and waste baskets." The other university president said "I much prefer Philosophy departments -- no waste baskets.""An electrical boffin from SidneyCaught a 20 amp jolt to the kidney.And so when he whizzes,It pops, cracks and fizzes.An unmetered I source now idney.Gator Dundee 1948 -Best RegardsClear Ether

author: Mechatrommer
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2012, 02:05:01 pm
content: i have 4558D, its a dual opamp chip, great! whenever i need only one opamp in my circuit, i can cut it into half.

author: chrome
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2012, 06:21:06 pm
content: All these jokes are terrible and I believe some even gave me numerous cancers.

author: ivan747
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2012, 07:05:24 pm
content: Quote from: st1 on May 10, 2011, 09:08:57 pmMake it 10 times slower and faster to take your memory when running games.

author: Mint.
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2012, 09:49:31 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on May 13, 2011, 01:51:18 pmWho the heck is Tiffany Yep!? Why is she in every one of your posts!

author: Kibi
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 12:47:20 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on May 13, 2011, 01:51:18 pmThere are some IGBT's with compliments though. Toshiba used to make the GT20D101 and GT20D201 pair.

author: Joshua
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 02:11:03 am
content: Quote from: Mint. on January 28, 2012, 09:49:31 pmYes Please, answer this!

author: Mechatrommer
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 05:55:42 am
content: Quote from: Joshua on January 29, 2012, 02:11:03 amtif yep is a digital designer, certainly the wrong girl for power ee guyssometime guys need motivation and inspiration to continue to work, maybe thats why you keep seeing the name.ps: in power line you need "fat and bulky" traces, but in digital line, you need "curly and thin" one

author: Mint.
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 06:07:48 am
content: Quote from: Mechatrommer on January 29, 2012, 05:55:42 amAhh I get it now! Cheers!

author: im_a_human
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 09:27:00 pm
content: An engineer comes home from work very late and his wife puts his cold dinner on the table and mutters.. @ wire you insulate?"The engineer replys.. "sorry dear atleast im ohm now"

author: im_a_human
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2012, 09:32:44 pm
content: You cant beat german engineeringhttp://www.gossenmetrawatt.com/deutsch/seiten/achtung-gefaehrlichemultimeter.htm

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2012, 02:26:17 am
content: Quote from: Mechatrommer on January 29, 2012, 05:55:42 amActually, she does digital communications engineering, which does include a lot of digital design. And she's a model, the combination of which is seemingly very rare. (I personally know only one other engineer who is officially a model - Megan Cornner.)Recently, I was having a problem with a Verilog design I was working on. There was a Spartan 6 FPGA and a 210Msps, 14 bit ADC connected to it. The master clock on the board runs at 100MHz, but I wanted the ADC to sample at 200MHz, so I routed the signal through an internal PLL. The problem was that although I could get the design to synthesize and the RTL diagram looks fine, it always failed to compile. I asked Tiffany about it, and long story short, she explained how the hardware architecture of the FPGA means that I have to send the output of the PLL through two buffers in order to make a compilable design. Now I have a working high speed ADC platform.In other words, it is possible to find high quality knowledge in a highly attractive package, proving that God does exist. Which brings me to my next question - why is pi an irrational number?

author: westfw
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2012, 07:52:13 am
content: A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"The man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

author: westfw
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2012, 07:54:37 am
content: An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.The engineer said, "I like both.""Both?" they asked.Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

author: Neilm
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2012, 05:21:53 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on January 30, 2012, 02:26:17 amGood question. I guess that it is proof that god is Female...Neil

author: ivan747
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 01, 2012, 01:17:33 am
content: Quote from: westfw on January 30, 2012, 07:52:13 amI've heard the same joke, but with an old man:An old man is walking in the park when a frog comes along and says: "psst! Hey, I'm a princess trapped in this frog's body. If you kiss me i will turn back into my original shape and will be yours." The old man picked the frog and continued walking. The frog said: "won't you kiss me?" The man replied: "oh, girl, at my age... it's more fun to have a speaking frog than a sex maniac!".

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: March 17, 2012, 08:10:23 am
content: Quote from: ivan747 on February 01, 2012, 01:17:33 amMe too. The engineer punch line was funny to me. Often I don't persevere when I see a joke I already know probably miss alot. And it's very true, I can't think of any engineers I know who wouldn't find that funny.

author: cabraham
author_rank: Newbie
timestamp: May 17, 2012, 09:02:00 pm
content: One day an airplane from Warsaw Airlines was in flight en route back to its native Poland. Then, some turbulence was encountered. The plane began shaking and vibrating violently, and the pilot could not stabilize or control the plane. He then made an announcement over the PA system.He said "Will all passengers who are not natives of Poland, but visiting Poland, please take a seat to the right of the aisle. All natives of Poland, will you please be seated on the left of the aisle."Quickly the passengers complied with the pilot's instructions. The airplane then stopped shaking, stabilized and the pilot had it under control. The co-pilot was amazed and perplexed. He asked the pilot "How on earth did you do that? And what has the natives or visitors sitting on which side of the aisle to do with anything?"The pilot replied "Stability requirements mandate that all Poles be located in the left half plane!"Claude

author: free_electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: May 17, 2012, 09:37:25 pm
content: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?They can;t do it ... It's a HARDWARe problem ... bwahahaaa