The art of (internet) dating - year 2020 - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / general

author: BU508A
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 24, 2020, 10:40:56 pm
content: Hello,years ago Dave wrote a book about internet dating:https://www.artofinternetdating.com/Money quote:"Though this eBook speaks of affairs of the heart it is addressed to your brain. This is a practical guide for searching, finding, evaluating and winning the mate of your dreams."Dave brings some light in the more technically aspects of internet dating, e.g. how to use social media etc.Now I was pointed to this article by a german blogger (Fefe,https://blog.fefe.de/)https://quillette.com/2020/01/16/all-the-single-ladies/I have now the impression that in addition to the technical skills you have to have in mind some other parameters:education and income.Money quote:"In other words, all other things equal, a man with a master’s degree is about twice as likely to get a match than a man with a bachelor’s degree. Perhaps something to keep in mind, if you are interested in obtaining a graduate degree and are active on Tinder."The pattern in respect to the income is similar.Money quote:"Some women do marry men with less education, though. These women tend to marry men who earn more than them. A study by Yue Qian, a sociologist at the University of British Columbia, found that women who had more education than their spouses were 93 percent more likely to be married to men with higher incomes than themselves."What do you think? What are your experiences in this respect? Can you agree with the findings of those researchers?Best regards,Mounty

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 01:23:06 am
content: Never internet dated but my wife has more education than I do. And my daughter has more education than her hubby, so I would say that that part is often true. My advice, always marry someonebetterthen yourself.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 01:35:07 am
content: Quote from: Stray Electron on January 25, 2020, 01:23:06 amI'd put that differently: marry someone who isn't (going to become) a burden. But then again love makes blind and stupid.

author: Gregg
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 02:58:08 am
content: My advice is:If you are not an only child, never marry someone that is an only child.

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 03:05:01 am
content: Quote from: Gregg on January 25, 2020, 02:58:08 amThat sounds like there is an interesting story behind that statement!

author: Gregg
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 03:14:03 am
content: Quote from: Stray Electron on January 25, 2020, 03:05:01 amThere is more than one interesting story; but I'll leave them up to your imagination. Maybe I should write a book under a pseudo-name to protect me from possible outrage.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 10:59:21 am
content: I think it's all because of systemic patriarchy and social expectations. We need more high profile women role models like actresses, CEOs or politicians marrying coal miners, fishermen or even the homeless, in order to fight the stigma and show young educated women that they have worth of their own, independent of the "prestige" of their husband

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 11:18:02 am
content: The happiest marriages are the perpetually unemployed hopeless idiots because the interest is in the person. If someone is attracted to you because of security be that wealth, employment or education then if any of those change then consider your worth to the person then. The human condition is extremely variable and people are fickle. Even the luckiest of us can fall a long way. As with all things in life, you don't know who your friends and family are until you need them and then lots of people, even in your immediate family will scurry away. I've seen it happen to lots of people. I've seen it happen to myself.Also if you're in the UK, don't get married. In fact marriage is one of the most ridiculous traditions in this day and age. It is basically legal servitude now from some middle age ideology.Going back to dating, be a bastard with a motorbike. It works@magic: no we don't; we just need less wankers of both genders.

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 12:27:26 pm
content: I have a policy of never entering into a contractual business arrangement with someone who simply lives with a partner instead of getting married. To me, it indicates their attitude toward sticking with agreements; wanting an easy way out if things don’t go their way.

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 12:51:24 pm
content: That's completely illogical as the contract between you and them defines the relationship, not the one between their partner and them. I wouldn't want to work for you either.Marriage is the sort of contract that would end up under The Unfair Contract Terms Act here in the UK...

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 12:52:54 pm
content: Quote from: Circlotron on January 25, 2020, 12:27:26 pmThat sounds like there is an interesting story behind that statement!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 01:06:45 pm
content: Quote from: Stray Electron on January 25, 2020, 01:23:06 amNor have I, but younger fellows I talk to at work report that pretty much it is a cess pool in my part of the world. Self righteous, entitled little tramps inhabit those internet dating sites.I suspect that TV and facebook has a lot to do with an erosion of good manners towards young men who have not had the same academic privilege.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 03:03:30 pm
content: I've always found the best ladies in ordinary situations... the supermarket, library, walking in the park, etc. - never bothered to go looking for them, they are everywhere if you open your eyes!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:00:04 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 25, 2020, 03:03:30 pmIf you really want bulk store of cool women that give absolutely no trouble,Try the local morgue.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:33:59 pm
content: Quote from: Ice-Tea on January 25, 2020, 09:05:47 pmLock up your mothers.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:40:16 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 25, 2020, 09:00:04 pmI prefer "hot", and "trouble" !

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:44:24 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 25, 2020, 09:40:16 pmWhat's not to like?No risk of accidental pregnancy.No need to rent a hotel room.A different woman every night. Or a man if, you know, you're on the fence.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:52:30 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 25, 2020, 09:44:24 pmNecrophilia is a dead end.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 09:58:58 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 25, 2020, 09:52:30 pmIt's a morbid topic, sure. But the best thing is you can 'finish' when you want. And where you want.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 10:10:56 pm
content: In other news,https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/12/30/sharon-stone-blocked-dating-app-bumble-users-accuse-account/

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 11:00:04 pm
content: Researchers finds people have completely unrealistic expectations of the dating pool.If you want "facial attractiveness", discount 90% of people out there. If you want a "kind personality" discount 80% more.Out of a room of 100 eligibles, as an example: women want a tall guy, 6' or over - poof 80% of guys are out, and you're down to 20 guys. Of those 20 guys, you want attractive, educated etc. and easily down to 1-2 guys that meet their criterion. It's even down to 1 in 1,000 or 1 in 10,000 if you want the top Chad's. So, women are pretty demanding yet bitter and... alone with their cats.scans from "The Science of Happily Ever After" book by psychologist Ty Tashiro.

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 25, 2020, 11:07:01 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 25, 2020, 09:00:04 pmThey were too cold for me but hey, whatever floats your boat.

author: VK3DRB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 12:44:20 am
content: Most of the young people in the mobile phone generation have fewer social skills than those who grew up in a more balanced society, so they have to resort to the Internet to find a spouse. I know a woman who has only met social misfits and weirdos on the Internet dating sites. If young people don't volunteer, get involved with clubs, church, university social gatherings, or even go to the local pub or discotheque, their chances of meeting a decent partner are somewhat limited.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 12:55:57 am
content: Quote from: Circlotron on January 25, 2020, 12:27:26 pmThat makes no sense at all. Something like 50% of marriages end in divorce, often after just a few years. The entire affair has been turned into a joke, people have a HUGELY expensive party because society has conditioned them to expect that and then reality sets in. My partner and I chose not to get married because neither of us saw any real advantage to getting the government involved in our relationship. She had been married before and I was nearly married at one point, glad I dodged that bullet. Roughly 10 years later we're still a happy couple which is more than I can say for many marriages, I have friends who have been married and divorced in that period, one has been married and divorced twice. Neither of us has any desire to have kids, neither of us are religious, neither of us could think of any good reason to go through the motions.A business contract is a different matter. I don't have to be romantically interested in my business partner, I don't have to be attracted to them or concern myself with whether they find me attractive. I don't have to live with them, I don't have to hang out with them outside of work and I don't even have to particularly like them as long as we can agree on the business aspect. Being married to the wrong person can make your life a living hell worse than being alone. Being in business with someone who drives you nuts is not the end of the world, it's only work at the end of the day you can go home and have your personal life. I see *zero* reason to assume any correlation between whether a person is legally married and how likely they are to bail out of a contract however if you can find a study that shows a clear relationship I'm certainly willing to alter my view.

author: Deodand2014
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 01:10:12 am
content: Quote from: VK3DRB on January 26, 2020, 12:44:20 amAnd once politics enters the mix it becomes impossible...Quotehttps://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/01/9244509/laurence-fox-anti-woke-meaning

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 01:12:31 am
content: Quote from: VK3DRB on January 26, 2020, 12:44:20 amI think that's a rather warped impression.People in the mobile generation grew up with that communication medium being an integral part of society, they never lived in a world without the internet and communicating online is a natural part of their lives. It's not a matter of "resorting to the internet", rather they are already socializing on the internet, they are already interacting and meeting new people, "online" is a seamless part of society these days, it's only natural that some will form romantic relationships with people they met in this way.I know a woman that has only met social misfits and weirdos in the "real world" so what's your point? The sort of people one meets is more often down to the sort of traits they are attracted to and the way that they present themselves. The internet is no different than anywhere else, it's a method of communication, nothing more. It's not 1998 anymore, the internet is not dominated by geeks and weirdos, everyone is using it now. Volunteering, clubs, church, university, social gatherings, all those things you mention are still around, although most also have an online presence. I'm not really a user of traditional social media but if you can hold your nose and hop onto Facebook you'll find countless groups for all of these things. No longer are we limited to the dating pool available in whatever little town we live in or reliant on going away to school in the big city to meet a partner, people can meet and interact with people all over the world. Romance aside, the internet has enabled me to meet loads of friends who share my interests, some of the more unusual ones I thought for a long time I was the only one.Frankly, and I mean no disrespect and am not exactly young myself, but this sounds like a classic example of an older generation not understanding the younger generations and the evolutions in society that have taken place, lamenting these young whippersnappers and their newfangled technology, slang, music and everything else that is not as good as things were back in their day when life was hard and they walked 20 miles through the snow up-hill both ways to get to school. This cycle is as old as time, in a handful of decades the people who are coming of age now are going to be moaning about all the silly stuff kids are doing and how much worse everything is just like the older generations are doing today.

author: edy
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 02:05:04 am
content: This is a complex issue. My 2 cents worth... Dating is extremely difficult and sometimes having so many options is bad. Many cultures have different approaches, but couples must realize that you don't just get married and stop there. The person you marry when you are 20 will be different (and so will you) when you are 30, 40, 50 and so on. It is a journey with many ups and downs and your life partner and you have to work together.I find that the person to do this with is someone who complements you, builds on your weaknesses and your strengths build on theirs. Opposites attract but then again common interests also do. It helps when you can navigate this complexity of mental, skill and personality traits and find the right match (which doesn't always mean same but match as in complementary) factors. Again, finding a mate is not simply based on "computational matching" by some algorithm on a dating site. I don't believe that in a second.You can argue the visual attraction bit, but then people say love is blind. It is complicated... but last thing I must add is that if you really want to know, look around at those old folks with 50+ year anniversaries and see if they have any gems to share. It could also be "survivor bias" and that it really is impossible to know for sure at the outset. Like I said... complicated!!!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 02:05:24 am
content: Quote from: james_s on January 26, 2020, 01:12:31 amThe rhetoric spread though media that women consume often asks the question "Where have all the good men gone?"You're saying that like never before like-minded people can hook up (both literary and metaphorically), and yet, here we are.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 02:11:55 am
content: Quote from: edy on January 26, 2020, 02:05:04 amNot really. Those with 50+ years of marriage are likely to be victims of shotgun marriages. The baby came along and you had no time to sit around in front of the TV that tells you how much you should hate your spouse.Ask any middle aged married man if the woman he married is the same as the woman he dated. Then ask that woman if her man has changed at all.

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 03:04:34 am
content: Another big part of the problem is the dating apps and websites all conspire to get more money from users.Fake profiles, fake communications to bait a person into getting a paid subscription, with no cancellation or charge backs once you realize it's a sexy looking scammer or a bot sending you messages.The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is suing Match Group ($24B market cap) which owns Match.com (also Tinder, Hinge, Match, PlentyOfFish, Meetic, OkCupid, OurTime, Pairs) for using fake love interest ads to persuade consumers to pay for subscriptions, from 2013-2018. It was $62M but they didn't settle I think.http://match.mediaroom.com/2019-09-25-Match-Responds-to-FTC-lawsuit

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 04:35:52 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 26, 2020, 02:11:55 amI've known a handful of people who stayed happily married for decades, of course both people changed but that doesn't mean they felt differently about each other. It seems to be a minority but they are out there. Both of my grandparents and both of my partner's grandparents stayed married until death and none of them were forced into it. It's too soon to say whether the internet will change anything as the internet as we know it today hasn't been around long enough.Doesn't always happen of course, the reasons for that being widely varied. Sometimes they got married for the wrong reasons, other times they changed with age and were no longer compatible. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to go separate ways if things are really not working out, though I do think people who have committed ought to put in a good effort to make it work but really it's not of my business. None of that has anything to do with the internet.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 01:06:24 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on January 26, 2020, 04:35:52 amThe reasons people stay together (or not) probably haven't changed as a result of the advent of the Internet. All it has done is made it easier (in some ways) to find someone... but at the same time, also more difficult (much more choice?). Seems to me that you are always more likely to meet / fall in love with someone that "exists locally" to you... there is a large element of randomness in the game of life.

author: Karel
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 02:24:28 pm
content: When couples marry,... men think that their wife will not change. That is not going to happen!... women think that their man will change. That is not going to happen either!

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 04:00:54 pm
content: Just a few thoughts.My sister met someone using the Internet, married him and now has two children. She definitely does love him, but I wouldn't say she's 100% happily married. He's very lazy and has never had a proper job. He did earn some money doing various things such as web design and running a window cleaning business, which involved organising window cleaning rounds for others, rather than doing it himself. He found it too stressful, so sold the business to his parents, who paid him back in weekly instalments over a five year period. Now he doesn't even try to do any work and his parents have finished paying him for the business, so they've run out of money. My sister does her best working as a self-employed domestic cleaner, but it isn't enough to pay the rent. She might have had a better job, as a teacher, but he discouraged her from continuing her career as a teaching assistant, shortly after they got married. They and their children will be moving in with his parents in the spring. They have a couple of ideas: buying a camper van and living like gypsies or helping his parents to buy their council house and building a small house for them to live in, in the garden. They don't have the money for either of these. I suspect the gypsies option is more likely, but it won't work in the long term.Being tall is attractive, yet interestingly it's quite likely bad for ones health overall and results in a shorter life expectancy. Fortunately I'm a little on the short side at 174cm, but not so dinky I feel bad about my height.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071721/Lastly what's wrong with being single? I have dabbled with Internet dating, but have never met anyone in real life. I also went through a phase of expanding my social circuit in the hope of meeting new people, a few years ago, but have since lost interest in it. I'm generally happy single and don't have any motivation to do any dating.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 04:18:57 pm
content: Quote from: Zero999 on January 26, 2020, 04:00:54 pmEveryone has different dreams/goals for what they want to achieve, and what they see themselves as happy with.Things get really difficult if your dreams far outstrips your talents/capability to ever achieve (or even work towards) achieving them.Things get even worse if you do have some talent/ability, but choose not to use it for whatever reason (usually, by being too clever by half and always trying to find shortcuts rather than putting in hard effort or even sustained light effort).We are mammals - the motivation to do dating is baked into the ROM. I have seen many times (and experienced sometimes!) how otherwise stable people fall hard in love and go through a bout of temporary hormone driven insanity. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, and usually unexpectedly.Every woman I have ever had close relations with "happened" outside typical dating environments, there was never any formal dating... we just somehow became friends / fell for each other. The world is full of women looking for company, if only more men could see!The men that do see, are the ones that seem to get an "unfair share" - just for noticing them.

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 04:32:09 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 26, 2020, 04:18:57 pmMuch much more than we dare to accept from ourselves, I suspect.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 07:12:06 pm
content: Quote from: jancumps on January 26, 2020, 04:32:09 pmProcreating the species is fundamental to all life...Cultures are different in their acceptance of the facts of mammal life. Some have a more puritan leaning approach (east coast USA, northern Europe), some openly savour the passions (France, Italy etc.). Of course individuals in all societies have their own take on things and conform to their cultural norms to a greater or lesser degree, depending...

author: Alex Eisenhut
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 07:58:52 pm
content: Quote from: Circlotron on January 25, 2020, 12:27:26 pmSeems like you took an easy way out.

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 08:29:58 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 26, 2020, 04:18:57 pmI agree with you about the first point, but why is having a talent/ability but choosing not to use it such a big deal? No doubt many people have above average abilities in many things, but choose not to use them, because they lack interest or have other priorities. Someone might be very good at maths and would make a great engineer, but don't want to study it further, because they're more interested in sport and socialising and aren't bothered about earning lots of money. They might not be great at sports, so end up working in a sport shop and be very happy there.Quote from: SilverSolder on January 26, 2020, 07:12:06 pmTell that to gay people.

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 08:34:30 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 26, 2020, 02:05:24 amFirst, I think that the women's magazines and TV shows feed that type mentality. Second, I've seen a hell of lot of women/girls fall for guys that were worthless hulks then after they get fed up with them they bail out of the relationship and then sit around and complain that there are no good men. There were, and still are, plenty of good men but they don't all happen to look like Burt Reynolds. My sister fits this description to a T. She's been married to flashy guys three times and none of them lasted and now she's rapidly becoming a bitter old spinster that no one can stand to be around.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 08:35:29 pm
content: Quote from: Zero999 on January 26, 2020, 08:29:58 pmProcreating the species is fundamental to all life, but that doesn't mean that all members of a species have to procreate. It's possible to have a situation like we humans now have, there are more than enough of us already and not everyone's efforts are best spent procreating.Gay people (and other species) are an anomaly, for whatever reasons a small percentage of the population ends up gay, it's not contagious and for the most part it doesn't lead to breeding so I strongly suspect the percentage has remained fairly constant throughout history and will continue to remain fairly constant. If a majority of people were gay then we'd have issues but in reality it's way, way below the threshold at which it would threaten survival of the species.

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 08:41:37 pm
content: The reproductive agenda is so strong, I see women panic and pick a guy "who'll do" for having kids with and years later they are in hell because that match is terrible.Relationships have left people as burn victims, especially after making a bad choice for a partner or going through divorce. The dating apps/websites have resulted in a "hookup culture" where you don't really need a relationship to get the benefits.The women I know looking for love and dating (after having kids, divorce etc), they complain men only want something casual and that they have a harem. They make the rounds, and any friction and a gal gets easily dumped. There is nothing for commitment, it's not needed it seems.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 11:19:32 pm
content: Quote from: floobydust on January 26, 2020, 08:41:37 pmPeople need to be clear with themselves about which type of relationship they are looking for... if it is the long term kind, it really takes two people that already know how that kind of relationship works to find each other. And by the nature of the long term relationship, most people who are capable of having them... are already in one! There really is no substitute for time, when it comes to a longer term relationship... it is almost implicit in what it is. There are probably no shortcuts, other than picking decent partners in the first place - partners that at least have a chance to stand the test of time.

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 11:22:13 pm
content: You are rationalising a process where the ratio isn’t the controlling part of our brain. How many of us decide whom they fall in love with, then make a series of logical steps to a steady future?

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 11:55:16 pm
content: Indeed. In my case I followed my dick and ended up married and I admit that.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 26, 2020, 11:58:44 pm
content: Quote from: jancumps on January 26, 2020, 11:22:13 pmTotally agree.I should probably just have said: A long term relationship may result after the irrational, random phase is over!

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 02:10:40 am
content: Quote from: bd139 on January 26, 2020, 11:55:16 pmLOL! Sometimes that works out ok. My first wife and I were passionately in love but it didn't work out. I followed my dick the next time and I've been married longer than many of you have been alive.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 05:07:52 am
content: Quote from: floobydust on January 26, 2020, 08:41:37 pmMen like that have always existed, an older friend of mine went to college in the early 70s and mentioned a friend of his in school who "majored in fornication", it's always been a thing.The pool of men looking to be the step-dad of some other man's kids is considerably smaller than that seeking women without such existing commitments however kids are not a huge obstacle to a casual fling. It's only natural that it's harder for those women to find a guy who wants something long term.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 08:20:57 am
content: Quote from: bd139 on January 25, 2020, 11:18:02 amMan, it was a joke. The women I listed are some of the biggest offenders when it comes to climbing the totem pole with their assets and also the first to complain about predictable consequences of such behavior going on on a large scale and to blame it on "patriarchy"Contrary to sentiment expressed by one poster here, it's not possible for everybody to hook up with someone "better". There will inevitably be "suckers", or, heavens forbid, people would need to marry their equals and OMG classism.That being said, I'm not a progressive liberal or whatever it's called these daysI think women are always gonna women and men are gonna men; better get used to it than try to change it.Quote from: floobydust on January 26, 2020, 08:41:37 pmSomething something market value, something something sampling bias

author: Martin.M
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 12:00:45 pm
content: it`s no problem to be lucky married... when you never use the sleeping room for parking test gears and tube Tek.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 12:19:42 pm
content: Quote from: Martin.M on January 27, 2020, 12:00:45 pmI found out that motorcycle parts on the living room coffee table is a bridge too far.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 01:14:08 pm
content: Quote from: magic on January 27, 2020, 08:20:57 amApparently the statistics show that women often prefer to "marry up", whereas men are generally happy with any woman that loves them.Keeps men on their toes, I guess!

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 02:03:04 pm
content: And then, if you are educated, tall, have an OK paying job, a house, a car and you are not a complete douchebag they still wont date you. They wont date you cause you are an expat, but they will never openly admit it.

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 02:54:12 pm
content: Quote from: NANDBlog on January 27, 2020, 02:03:04 pmI have found love while expatting. Hope that was included in the stats.

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 03:36:41 pm
content: Quote from: jancumps on January 27, 2020, 02:54:12 pmThe sad part is that it matters where you are from.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 05:39:22 pm
content: Quote from: NANDBlog on January 27, 2020, 02:03:04 pmI have never found that to be a problem... - those to whom expatness is a problem, you probably wouldn't want to be dating anyway!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 06:03:10 pm
content: A friend of mine used to say "Hey, Luv. Have you got any Pommie in ya? No? Would you like some?"

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 27, 2020, 07:00:43 pm
content: Quote from: NANDBlog on January 27, 2020, 02:03:04 pmQuote from: NANDBlog on January 27, 2020, 03:36:41 pmSeems like you are about as honest as those girls.That's essentially my hate of the 20th century Western society, in a nutshellI don't know who screwed up and how screwed up, but everything is screwed up.Besides, and perhaps closer to the original topic, people can blame all shit they get from others on what they get the most shit from others for, so perhaps you aren't even entirely right here.

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 04:34:36 am
content: The best defense against getting your heart broken again is to find some fatal flaw, some reason to reject someone. Especially online or during a first date.That way you never really find someone, yet can complain "there are no good ___ out there."It's kind of funny when a gal goes through her checklist, and finds I have passed it. They're basically terrified now, still skeptical I don't live with my mom or something

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 07:59:43 am
content: Quote from: magic on January 27, 2020, 07:00:43 pmIf you have something to say about me, say it.

author: Towger
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 08:17:12 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 25, 2020, 09:00:04 pmFriends with this fellow?Edit: Fixed link

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 08:20:31 am
content: Now then now then let’s not go down that route

author: Towger
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 08:49:36 am
content: Quote from: bd139 on January 28, 2020, 08:20:31 amHe had everything a woman could want in a man: Money, fame and good with children.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 10:11:19 am
content: Quote from: NANDBlog on January 28, 2020, 07:59:43 amYou said nothing about yourself so I can only say that you said nothing about yourselfBut your posts read like a chick saying she can't accept the brand of tires you use on your carWomen generally don't ask for citizenship status or place of birth as a condition to meeting you. They aren't nearly as pedantic and materialistic

author: Yansi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 10:22:00 am
content: If I have to say anything to internet dating these days: It simply does not work.

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 10:47:37 am
content: Quote from: magic on January 28, 2020, 10:11:19 amYeah, but they very very easily find out if you dont speak dutch. The "Where are you from" is typically in the first five minutes. Ah, Eastern Europe? Nevermind then.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 11:39:21 am
content: That's the thing. You don's speak the right dialect, you don't practice the right local customs, perhaps you don't preach to the right god or whatever, maybe you don't look like them too. And guess what, those things make a difference and I'm frankly tired of people pretending they don't. "Diversity" is overrated. You either become indistinguishable from the herd or you come in sufficient numbers to colonize the land on your own terms.I too could live in Silicon Valley or perhaps somewhere in Western Europe, but meh. Why become part of some grand rearchitecture of the world conceived by a bunch of LSD junkies from Hollywood?

author: cgroen
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 11:59:12 am
content: With all the complicated problems in this thread, I'm even more happy that I met my wife in school (7th grade, we were both 15 yo), that's now 38 years ago, and we still love each other like day 1 (and never ever have had a fight over anything)Miracles still happens

author: Yansi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:05:58 pm
content: Quote from: cgroen on January 28, 2020, 11:59:12 amI hope and wish I could say this in the future too.

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:09:11 pm
content: Quote from: NANDBlog on January 28, 2020, 10:47:37 amLearning the local language is a social contact booster. Even if one manages only to engage in clumsy basic conversation, getting around in the community changes.

author: Yansi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:11:58 pm
content: Quote from: jancumps on January 28, 2020, 12:09:11 pmYou sure about this? I don't think so. I know far too many girls that fell in love with strange strangers of different country origin, that could barely say "hello" in our native language.

author: jancumps
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:16:45 pm
content: What I was trying to say is that speaking the language opens social doors. I didn’t try to imply that not speaking it is blocking one to socialise and meet people.

author: Yansi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:34:50 pm
content: I think that being a stranger in "the correct way" is the booster. The other girl I know just started dating a stranger because he had blue hair and was looking at her in a pub. (or so was I told about it).But me being stranger myself (in not the correct way), I find females hard to understand.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 12:54:22 pm
content: Quote from: Yansi on January 28, 2020, 10:22:00 amI know people that have "picked up" good people from internet dating.Like regular dating, or buying stuff on eBay, or whatever - you have to keep your wits about you!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 01:00:36 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 28, 2020, 12:54:22 pmSomething something bad products from china something something

author: Yansi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 01:40:33 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 28, 2020, 12:54:22 pmWhy the personal attacks friend? Don't you have any better arguments, than insults?

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 01:58:57 pm
content: Quote from: Yansi on January 28, 2020, 01:40:33 pmI genuinely don't understand why you see my comment as an insult. It was certainly not intended to be one!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 28, 2020, 11:24:51 pm
content: I'll tell you what's a insult. A survey asking women why they are childless. The top answer was that they wanted 'life experience'.So they are saying that ppl with kids have no life experience.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 12:59:58 am
content: Some people including myself have no interest in having kids. I have absolutely no problem with someone who wants kids having them, but I will never understand why some people try so hard to pressure those who don't. There are already more than enough people out there who didn't want kids in the first place and are lousy parents, there's absolutely no reason for anyone to intentionally bring a child into the world unless they are 100% sure that's something they want to do.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 01:05:23 am
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 12:59:58 amA number of years ago I did England, Scotland, Wales on one of those fancy, swanky bus tours. At some point during the trip a select few of us got on the turps with the tour guide. He told us that he and his wife were educators by trade and didn't have children - "our choice". It was strange to me that he had to quickly qualify that.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 01:11:17 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 29, 2020, 01:05:23 amI agree that it's strange, but I can understand why. On more than one occasion my partner has received sympathy and/or questions about just why we're unable to have children, it simply does not occur to some people that both of us are (as far as I know) perfectly capable of reproducing but choose not to.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 01:14:53 am
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 01:11:17 amPracticing is more fun anyway.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 02:40:41 am
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 01:11:17 amSo, you are one of the people intent on removing white folks from the planet?(ref: empty egg carton video linked by Ed earlier)

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 03:15:59 am
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 29, 2020, 02:40:41 amNar, he's OK. I'd rather him going out and finding thieves in his street instead of making still more dumb kids.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 03:31:48 am
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on January 29, 2020, 03:15:59 amI know he's OK!I also know of one Jamaican man that has fathered more than 50 children, all with different mothers. People with more puritan views seem to be slow learners, in comparison!

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 09:18:29 am
content: Quote from: Yansi on January 28, 2020, 12:11:58 pmThat's the oldest erotic fantasy of women, kinda like meeting and banging a forest nymph for a man. Problem is, it just doesn't really happen all that often in practice or doesn't turn into anything goodI actually had one such case in family, and I should probably feel sorry for her, but really... you wouldn't believe the story it I told you

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 10:21:28 am
content: I think every family has one of them. My grandmother was the finest example. Swiss woman. During WWII she was knocking just about anyone so we've got a mix of part American, German, Swiss and British relatives

author: Karel
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 10:36:00 am
content: Like I wrote before.Men want their wife to stay the same. Women want their men to change.Neither is going to happen.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 11:28:18 am
content: Quote from: bd139 on January 29, 2020, 10:21:28 amGermans and British, true Swiss neutrality

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 02:46:10 pm
content: It made some interesting family conflicts over the years

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 05:45:19 pm
content: Tim Pool, whacking the bees nest..

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 06:18:35 pm
content: Quote from: magic on January 29, 2020, 09:18:29 amI don't know about falling in love, but I do remember back in my 20s I invited a Russian guy I worked with to a house party I was going to and several of the girls there were swooning over his accent getting him to say stuff in his native language. Had I know he'd be so popular with the girls there I might not have invited him.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 07:26:14 pm
content: Quote from: Karel on January 29, 2020, 10:36:00 amI think in many cases women think they want their men to change, but if they manage to do it they realize thatthey didn't, because now they are boring or not what they initially fell for etc.

author: SiliconWizard
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 07:30:43 pm
content: Quote from: langwadt on January 29, 2020, 07:26:14 pmOr also just that once the guys have actually changed, they feel like their "job" is done. So they lose interest.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 07:39:01 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 06:18:35 pmAnd how many lasting relationships came from it? No need to answerIt's all fun and giggles, maybe more than that, but when it comes to devoting the rest of your life to somebody who has no standing in local society and doesn't even speak your language, dealing with your family and neighbors not sharing the same enthusiasm, suddenly things aren't so pretty. And of course any such man can have a new local chick each night, for all the same reasons every time

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 07:42:55 pm
content: Quote from: magic on January 29, 2020, 07:39:01 pmThere's a danger of overthinking these things. After all, if we get to the point where everyone pulls out a laptop with an Excel model to do a what-if analysis every time we meet someone new, the species would soon stop procreating!

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 08:02:39 pm
content: I suspect it's different in more homogenous societies. Here we have always had immigrants from all over the world, people are used to being around people who came from other places. I don't think being an immigrant is a significant obstacle to dating in the USA, I mean unless you are an American "Indian" we're all descendants of foreigners here.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 08:16:04 pm
content: Quote from: Yansi on January 28, 2020, 12:11:58 pmmaybe it is something instinctive, back in the day with small isolated societies getting some fresh and unrelatedgenes was a good thing

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 08:32:14 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 08:02:39 pmEven the native Americans are foreigners (Siberian natives walking over the ice via Alaska)...

author: LaserSteve
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 09:07:09 pm
content: It absolutely blows me away that none of you have yet to mention the problem of what her 32,768 female friends think of "You", even though they have often never met you.One word from them, no matter how illogical, made up, based on a guess, attempt to manipulate her, jealousy etc. "I don't think he's RIGHT for you Dear!", and your done. But based on what?I've gotten so I invite her friends on the second or third event. Usually gives me a view of what I may or may not be dealing with. Certainly has made me wiser. If you have not figured it out yet, your dating THEM, too. At least in America. Best shot at marriage I ever had, well, lets just say her mother picked me for her, after talking to Mom a few times at Church. The old adage, "Look at the Mother, would you date her?", has a great deal of truth to it. Mainly because they start looking at/learning from how Mommy deals with men around age six or seven.Humans are complex, very complex. Nearly impossible to detect Phenomes, the smell of testosterone/estrogen Electromagnetic fields, looks, what your wearing, dreams of what she could change you into. As for Electromagnetic fields recent studies indicate some women may "light up" in the Terahertz region when they see "That" guy.It's outdated, blatantly biased , but still a good bock I wish I had when I was in high school... But it will possibly help you if you, too, have Dilbert's "Knack"."The Female Brain"by Louanne Brizendine, MD... Read some of the references. Dr. Brizendine specialized in fixing relationships, and psychology of the human female. The book is brutal, part of it is just her opinions, but it really opened my eyes and helped me.Don't go see the movie of the same title. Horrible fiction.I freely admit I'm not wired for dealing with "DRAMA", and that is why I'm still single.BTW, study of 4000 Israeli women, less then 1% were tied in marriage to male childhood age schoolmate, friends, or neighbors. Statistics on the number of women who divorce after child rearing and head toward a childhood mate for round two, would make your head spin, if anyone ever published them. Weird, Huh! I think they are wired for serial monogamy, not married for life.One think LB, MD stresses, is the replacement male is always picked out ahead of time in case they loose the mate. So they may "block" you socially just to keep you around as a possibility. Makes sense for continuity in feeding the children, but.... the grass may not be greener in round two.Steve

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 29, 2020, 11:03:25 pm
content: "QuoteEngineering jobs aren't that popular among woman. The response is usually: you work with computers? I hate computers... Boring. Next...Perhaps a master degree in economy is a better magnet.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 01:33:43 am
content: Fortunately that is starting to change. The company I work for has more women than anywhere else I've ever worked. They are still the minority, and in the engineering department where I am men outnumber the women by probably 5:1 but that's still quite a change from 20 years ago.Everyone uses computers of one sort or another now, there is much less stigma to being a nerd. I kind of doubt people who are under about 30 today could even understand how bad it was in the old days, it wasn't until I learned to hide my nerdy interests and develop or fake some interests in more mainstream things like music and sports that girls would give me the time of day.

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 01:43:37 am
content: The worst, and yet most common mistake people make is that they marry because they're both "in love". Okay, so you're both "in love" = marriage? I think not. That's as foolish as two people who both like chocolate, opening a chocolate shop, and then going off chocolate BIG time, rapidly, because it's the only thing that's holding the situation together... so what, the chocolate shop should remain open, despite it being conceived of your "love" of chocolate which you've both now lost all interest in?You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?Imagine that a marriage is two people, two open links in a chain; so weld the links together (marriage) and add the paint later (love, it grows in its own time)

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 01:52:38 am
content: Your decision making processes are somewhat impaired when you are in the infatuation phase of love...

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 01:56:06 am
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on January 30, 2020, 01:52:38 amA slight understatement.

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 02:31:44 am
content: Quote from: bd139 on January 25, 2020, 11:18:02 amI'm not sure which piece of ridiculously misguided "advice" to ignore first. If you truly believe this, then say "that's just my experience" - painting a picture of life, and then offering "advice" based on your own lens which you've experienced it through, is narcissistic at best, and very harmful to anyone foolish enough (or insecure enough) to heed it.This is HORRENDOUSLY bad "advice", and ultimately a very immature outlook.

author: bd139
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 08:16:41 am
content: I disagree. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. I know multiple people who are dealing with this now. It’s past an anecdote or personal experience. A good friend of mine is going through the “my wife wants a divorce and my friends disappeared because I’ve got myeloma”. Another one is attempting to get custody of his children because his wife ran off with a bastard with a motorbike. The guy hits them. At the same time the world turns and people change and they go their separate ways. That’s life.My point is that you either have a relationship due to mutual respect or don’t bother. Unfortunately finding the former is unlikely and you won’t know that until some time down the line if that’s what it’s based on.Thus artificially tying people together legally when actually relationships are transient is quite frankly ridiculous and leads to misery and pain for all involved, especially children.This isn’t advice it’s an observation. And definitely not immature. You need some more life experience and to look into the legal side of marriage in the UK if you think this isn’t how it is.

author: VK3DRB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 10:47:30 am
content: Internet dating can be summed up... "You want fries with that?"Cheap fast food, bad for your health.Cheap fast relationships, bad for your wealth.(Just kidding. I am sure there are some successful marriages spawned from state machines and 3.3V logic - I just have never heard of any.)On the other hand, a lot of electronics engineers lack the social skills to meet a partner by traditional methods. Most I knew at uni were emotionally retarded compared to those who studied other disciplines, but that was a good thing because they could concentrate of semiconductor physics rather than reproductive physiques. They could spend their student allowance on 2N3055's, 555 timers and 7812's rather than throwing money away on flowers and chocolates. Many didn't find their first girlfriend until well in their thirties or even later.One electronics engineer I know was 48 years old when he asked me, "How do you get a girlfriend?" I felt a little sorry for him, but his abrupt personality and extreme nerdism did not exactly allure himself to the opposite sex. One mechanical engineer I know was at a party and he met a really nice looking girl who seems quite interest in him as they were chatting. She asked him what he did for a living to which he replied he was a mechanical engineer. To his shock, she immediately turned around a walked away without uttering another word.So maybe there is a place for Internet hookups, where you can apply a band pass filter to the market. It would be interesting to compare the divorce rate with those who met on some Internet site and married with those who met conventionally and married.Mind you, one of the reasons I studied electronics engineering was I thought the chicks would easily fall for an electronics engineer. I was somewhat misguided, but admittedly I met my future wife in 2nd year. She even bought me a ETI-650 Stac Timer kit from the famous Ellistronics store for my 21st birthday, which I built and still have today.https://www.scribd.com/document/428529087/ETI-1978-11-November, page 52.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 01:33:14 pm
content: Quote from: VK3DRB on January 30, 2020, 10:47:30 amThe kind you want, do!

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 04:56:00 pm
content: Weird science.If what you want doesn't exist...

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 06:12:53 pm
content: Quote from: VK3DRB on January 30, 2020, 10:47:30 amWell, I mentioned already I met my partner of 10 years on an internet dating site, I have several friends who met their wife/husband/long term partner the same way, so now you've heard of some. Internet dating has been mainstream for a decade or more, there is an entire generation of adults now who have never lived in a world without the internet. It's not 2001 anymore, everybody uses the internet now, not just socially awkward dweebs.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 06:29:44 pm
content: Quote from: eti on January 30, 2020, 01:43:37 amShe and I would both lose our minds if we had to be in each others presence 24 hours a day. I enjoy time spent with my partner but I also cherish time spent alone and the occasional evening hanging out with the guys doing guy stuff like drinking a few beers and wrenching on old cars. I think it's important in any relationship to maintain some personal space and some of one's own identity, separate interests and hobbies are a good thing. Quite a few evenings I'm doing my EE hobby while she's working on her latest quilt. Other nights we'll do something we're both interested in together.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 07:59:59 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on January 30, 2020, 06:29:44 pmMight be hard to explain a hobby of looking deep into the eyes of blue eyed blondes?

author: eti
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 30, 2020, 08:37:27 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on January 30, 2020, 06:29:44 pmYou're absolutely rightI only meant that one should be able to tolerate the other 24hrs a day, not that it would be a healthy regular pattern; yes, breaks are definitely needed.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: January 31, 2020, 08:55:31 am
content: Quote from: james_s on January 29, 2020, 08:02:39 pmI don't know, TV told me that plenty of European-Americans consider themselves more "American" than American-Americans these days. Unless by "here" you specifically mean large cities.Dating in big cities is easy enough, grab your copy of The Game and hit the nearest nightclubMy point was that such environments are less suitable for long term relationships and family than more established societies. I think the situation is pretty much the same all over the world and all over the world statistics speak for themselves

author: SerieZ
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: January 31, 2020, 10:02:57 am
content: Quote from: magic on January 31, 2020, 08:55:31 amI read that book over a decade ago and except for the, "be confident in yourself"-stuff, these pick-up types are a bunch of Charlatans of the worst kind IMO

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 01, 2020, 05:53:00 pm
content: Quote from: SerieZ on January 31, 2020, 10:02:57 amIt's sleazy. But one might naively expect that it shouldn't work in practice too

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 03, 2020, 10:14:04 pm
content: It looks like people are becoming less social in traditional ways, and meeting on-line is mainstream.

author: sokoloff
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 03, 2020, 10:44:54 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on February 02, 2020, 02:01:39 amThe typical female experience on Tinder is likely to be something like this:If that's the case, why wouldn't they aim at the high end of the attractiveness/desirability distribution with their swipe rights? Frankly, it would seem a little odd if they didn't.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 03, 2020, 11:50:30 pm
content: Quote from: floobydust on February 03, 2020, 10:14:04 pmWow, that one was an eye opener.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 05:57:58 am
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on February 03, 2020, 11:50:30 pmMetric #5. Family.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 01:28:27 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on February 04, 2020, 05:57:58 amThe family that lays together, stays together?Hopefully it means distant family (cousins etc.)Quote

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 01:56:02 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on February 04, 2020, 05:57:58 amThere is: you pick up the cousin of your sister-in-law on the wedding.Or: Dear daughter, you are getting married to this nice guy from this rich family, you are going to have a nice life, never have to work.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 07:59:05 pm
content: Woe is meShame and scandal in the familyWoe is meShame and scandal in the familyIn Trinidad there was a familyWith much confusion as you will seeIt was a mama and a papa and a boy who was grownHe wanted to marry, have a wife of his ownFound a young girl that suited him niceWent to his papa to ask his adviceHis papa said: "Son, I have to say no,This girl is your sister, but your mama don't know"Oh, woe is meShame and scandal in the familyOh, woe is meShame and scandal in the familyA week went by and the summer came 'roundSoon the best cook in the island he foundHe went to his papa to name the dayHis papa shook his head and to him did say"You Can't marry this girl, I have to say noThis girl is your sister, but your mama don't know"Oh, woe is meShame and scandal in the familyOh, woe is meShame and scandal in the familyHe went to his mama and covered his headAnd told his mama what his papa had saidHis mama she laughed, she say, "Go man, goYour daddy ain't your daddy, but your daddy don't know."Oh, woe is meShame and scandal in the familyOh, woe is meShame and scandal in the family

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 09:53:57 pm
content: LOL! That's great!

author: Stray Electron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 09:57:58 pm
content: Quote from: magic on January 31, 2020, 08:55:31 amTV. The onlyworseplace than the internet to get advice from.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 04, 2020, 10:44:49 pm
content: Quote from: Stray Electron on February 04, 2020, 09:53:57 pm

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 05, 2020, 12:03:57 am
content: One of my friends met his wife at a family reunion. It sounds strange initially but she was not actually related to him, one of her older relatives married one of his relatives. They were "family" in a very loose sense of the word, they were not blood related or even connected via any immediate family members and had never met before that event.

author: sokoloff
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 05, 2020, 12:06:25 am
content: I had a friend in college who had been dating someone for a short while (but "long enough", let's just say...)One weekend, they found out they couldn't spend together because of family obligations....Turns out they were going to same family reunion. 2nd cousins...

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 06:54:26 pm
content: Internet dating is the best way by far. Worked for me 16 years ago and we are still blissfully happy.The old ways are like carving luck out of solid rock. "Activities" are mostly hopeless. Outdoor ones have few women and all the men are after them. Sports activities likewise, with a lot of macho behaviour. At work, or work related, very tricky for various reasons, and a high chance of going for someone just because it was the least bad option (this is what most people have done). Few intelligent women are found in bars, and again there is a lot of competition because there will always be a male who will have a go and will be more bold than you are.Women (under say 40) gravitate towardsadventurousspontaneousuninhibitedassertive(not realising that #5 on that list is "violent")and this works against any "techy" type of male. So you have to do something where you get her attention.Downsides of internet dating are numerous... it is competitive and you get a lot of "serial shoppers". If you get any nonsense, you have a "player", so walk away. EtcDon't do Tinder. Mostly used for casual sex, despite widespread pretences, and the barrier to entry (no pun intended) is too low, the temptation to "look" always remains...Over 40, everything changes. Life gets a lot easier. No "elephant in the room" (kids wanted ASAP) and women realise that men who tick that list are basically hopeless partners whose trousers spend way too much time around their ankles (because they can)

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 07:30:37 pm
content: W5 "The Invisible Man" documentaryshows organized crime is very active on internet dating sites.It was sad a Canadian gal got scammed out of almost $1M then killed herself or was more likely murdered. We can say they were naive or foolish, but romantic interest does make a person blind.The Black Axe organization from Nigeria is always trolling people in romance scams $100M-300M per year in Canada. Very difficult to bust them because it's between countries and police really get no funding to do much. Criminals have entire shops full of people coaching and working on their scams. It's not just one bad apple.Scammers make fake profiles of gorgeous people, men are ex-military or business owners away from their home city, of course. The scam is to get to know someone on-line, schmooze them, catfish them, then hit them up for money for airfare or to cover a late paycheque etc. Get the gal's personal info, and ask them to wire a little money to an oddball country. Once you have her contact info/ID the blackmail and threats begin.The women I know on-line dating say it's almost a daily occurrence, to get messages from scammers. A give away is the scammer doesn't know the city sights/streets/weather at all, english is odd and they kind of look too hot to be true. Profile pics are stolen from other sites.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 07:48:45 pm
content: Quote from: floobydust on February 09, 2020, 07:30:37 pmI would have expected men to be the more likely target of such scamsand afaiu there are plenty of dating sites that are near scams, made up of mostly fake profiles and made upmessages that requires you to sign up for ever increasing expensive "vip" subscriptions to read

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 08:47:32 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on February 09, 2020, 06:54:26 pmPossibly the most notable thing I’ve read all week.+10 for insight.

author: sixtimesseven
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 09:26:34 pm
content: Quote from: Circlotron on January 25, 2020, 12:27:26 pmInteresting.I know a few people who don't wan't marriage because of all the social and religious baggage attached to marriage. Some have children and an extensive net of contracts to basically make their partnership pretty much equal to marriage in legal terms.

author: sixtimesseven
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 09:32:21 pm
content: Quote from: sokoloff on February 05, 2020, 12:06:25 amSecond cousins is fine as far as I know, from both the legal and the genetic standpoint(?)Ups sorry, did not realize the thread is that active and long

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 10:41:17 pm
content: Quote from: sixtimesseven on February 09, 2020, 09:26:34 pmthat is pretty much the purpose marriage, a quick and easy way to get all the legal stuff done with

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 09, 2020, 11:51:56 pm
content: Quote from: langwadt on February 09, 2020, 10:41:17 pmPrenups and other such legal contracts don't mean shit in Australian Family Court. Don't kid yourselves, gentlemen.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 10, 2020, 12:13:07 pm
content: Well... you have to be truly stupid to get scammed, I think. Obviously there are many people out there who are desperate and will clutch at any straw, but if you follow the basic guidelines this won't get you.One of these is: avoid protracted correspondence. These are always a waste of time. Mostly they are not scams but all scams do involve this. Exchange a few emails, maybe a phone call, check out obvious things (swapping photos is essential; anybody who won't do that is 100% likely a chronic depressive with low self esteem) like smoking, religion, etc, andmeet up ASAP. Any "story" you get, walk away.There are many sites with dating tips. I think most are useless because they list all the obvious stuff but fail to admit just what % of women are "serial shoppers", and once you get one of these the chances of making it to the top of the listand staying thereis basically zero. Also some % of people are playing behind someone's back and you definitely want to avoid those; the dating sites will never admit to hosting these.Prenups don't work in most countries but cohabitation agreements do, if correctly drawn up.I wrote up some notes years ago:How internet dating worksIn internet dating, the women almost never contact the men. According to some dating site admins I spoke to, the message flow is around 10:1 men to women, but that is the overall average, and most women under 40 never contact any men, presumably because they get so many offers they can't see any need, and maybe also due to a fear of rejection. When they get above about 40 they do start writing, probably because they receive far fewer messages (most men on the sites limit their search to 29, 39, etc). There is also a gradual change in that women are more accepting of internet dating as time goes by, but still the indications are that today the scene is dominated by men.This means that any woman whose profile suggests she is attractive could be getting so many messages she barely has time to read them. And a lot of them will be obscene, of the "do you want a shag on the seafront tonight" type (evidently this tactic works sometimes - men who do it in the club scene report a 10% success rate). This means you have to do a lot of writing! You can expect to have to write to 100 women to get 1 date, but that's still way less effort than any other way of finding women. After you have read the tips here, you should be able to get the 100 down to 10 or 20...I looked into running a dating site as a business around 2000. In those days it was an easy way to make money. Set up a web server, write some fairly simple software, create several hundred fake female profiles (mostly with no picture, or pictures stolen from the internet, age 29 to 39, slim, attractive, looking for a casual relationship), get it up on the search engines (yes, back then it wasn't just google) and the men will pile in, paying say £10 each for the right to send messages. Eventually women will start joining, but most won't need to pay, but that's OK. As it builds up, you delete the fake profiles... 10,000 men joining per year is £100,000 a year income. This is how most of the sites started.A further "work" factor is that most women sign up on just one or two sites. Women tend to sign up on internet dating on the spur of the moment, sometimes along with a woman friend, and without realising that if there are 20 sites and they put their details on just 1 they are missing out on 95% of the potential. They are often hesitant, due to all the "pervert" reports in the media. But today there are dozens of sites and that's just taking the major ones. Almost every web portal has a "dating" or "flirting" ("flirting" = casual sex) link on it. So you have to "do" a large number of sites - because you cannot know where you will find the woman you are looking for. She could be on a well known site or she could be on an obscure site. Another reason why the obscure sites are worth doing is that the women on them are going to get fewer offers. I met my lovely partner in 2003 on a site which had hardly any women on it...The biggest gotcha with internet dating is the amount of competition. If you meet a woman in some social scenario, go on a date, get on well, you can reasonably assume she will want to meet you again. But in internet dating, only the most ethical and straight woman, or a very shrewd woman who knows what she wants and you are just the man, will just do that, and get off the dating site(s) right after meeting you to prevent additional temptation. My wonderful partner did just that, but I know it's rare. The other 99% will continue dating - at least for a while. And it's pretty easy for a woman to do this. Whenever she checks her email, there is likely to be a message from a new potential date. Some will get sick of it (possibly after a bad experience) and drop out. Some will really get into it and continue the "always another bus around the corner" stuff and do a date or two every week (a free dinner and possibly a shag) and often while continuing the contact with you in a low-key way just in case nothing better turns up by the time she gets fed up with it. Most "interesting" women will have little difficulty in running a continually updated list of 10 men to meet up with. The main limiting factor is their time and emotional stamina... you need to be hard-nosed to do internet dating and women don't find that easy. There is nothing you can do about this. It's the way the world runs and the internet just lubricates the process. What you can do is minimise the amount of your time which you waste on useless dates, and that is fairly simple...How to avoid wasting timeSome simple rules do a lot:1 - NO blind dates. This one is by far the most important and it will weed out most time wasters and bunny boilers. It is not that appearance is so critical. It is important to most people, of course, though women like to say it matters less to them You do need to be attracted to the woman you are going end up with. Many women don't put a picture in their profile, which is understandable for privacy, but nearly all women who won't supply you with a picture when you ask for it are chronic depressives with a low self esteem and possibly other issues (my ex had that all her life and believe me you don't want to be dealing with it in a relationship). Occassionally a woman might refuse to send out a photo because she is in a relationship and playing around (there is a fair bit of that going on, especially on the more "specialised" sites) but do you want the husband chasing you with an axe? Unless he is stupid, he will know she is up to "something". I heard the most amazing reasons for not sending a photo... one was that she had just one printed photo, and there was a potted plant on the scanner so the scanner could not be used! Do not accept any excuse. With today's mobile phones, there is never an excuse. Equally, refuse to meet any woman who supplies a picture but it's useless in showing what she looks like. There are anyway many women on the dating sites whose photos don't resemble them at all (might be 20 years old) or were taken after a professional makeover, so when you meet up you won't recognise her...2 - Avoid extensive pre-meeting communication. Many women like to do a lot of emailing before they meet up. Maybe they think that more knowledge is better, or the best man is the one who hangs in there banging the keyboard for the longest, or eventually a man might reveal some show-stopper, or a pervert will slip up. But the most likely reason is that most decent women are nervous about internet dating and want to keep the process in familiar territory (emails and phone calls) until the very last moment. The record I recall was 6 weeks, and when I met her she turned out to be a nutter. Nobody is doing internet dating to find an email correspondence partner, so they either have psychological issues or are running a dozen men concurrently and use this to slow things down so they can check out all the men "face to face". Also anybody who is clever and can write can create an amazingly interesting persona in written correspondence. And some like to do a lot of phone calls. One woman I recall demanded a phone call every day for 2 weeks... She was fun to talk to but didn't like me when we finally met. My suggestion is to exchange several emails, to sort out the basics like smoking, religion, exchange photos, do a phone call or two, and then meet up. It can easily be done in one day! If you can't get a date within a few days, but instead keep getting more and more emails - especially banal short ones full of emoticons - forget it. Women who are running a long list are a waste of your time - only a George Clooney is going to make it to the top of the list and stay there for long enough for her to get bored with dating and stay with him.3 - Avoid "too busy for next 2 weeks" types. A date takes only an hour or two. So, unless the reason is a 2-week holiday, with a specific return date mentioned, these are playing for time like the ones above.4 - Meet up in a public casual setting. Women are told to always meet up in public places - because they fear a pervert or the proverbial mad axe murderer. You (the man) must do the same, but for a different reason: she might be in a relationship and playing around and her other half might be violent! You would be amazed how many married women are using the husband's or the household PC for this! The setting should be casual (a walk down the seafront for example) because getting stuck opposite somebody you don't like for an hour over a fancy meal might not be pleasant.5 - Use your instinct! People tend to think that they can tick boxes on a website and will meet the perfect partner. I think women are especially likely to do this - [ ]adventurous, [ ]spontaneous, [ ]uninhibited, [ ]assertive, etc. It doesn't work, for many reasons. What makes a relationship work cannot be condensed into a load of tickboxes. Long term successful relationships involve similar values, similar ambitions, similar (or compatible) baggage, some non-overlapping personal projects but a sufficient overlap in interests to enjoy quality time together in a low-key way (not fancy dinners). Accordingly, internet dating is just an efficient means of finding contacts to go on a date with. And the way you react to somebody when you meet up in internet dating is no different to the way you would react if you met them in normal circumstances. A 10 year old child can tell straight away if somebody is genuinely nice, but adults have lost that simple evaluation process. If at any stage you feel there is something fishy, there probably is! That includes strange emails; if she sends you emails which are mutually inconsistent, or which keep avoiding questions (reasonable questions) you ask, drop it...6 - Be direct in saying No. I found that when I said to a woman that she is not my type (usually after she sent me her photo) I used to get an email from her thanking me for being honest and that she wished the others had been like that too.7 - Avoid over-keen types. As any man who is reading this knows, over-keen women are somewhat uncommon But if you are a non-smoker and you meet one who smokes, that is likely to be a show-stopper. Kissing a woman who smokes is like licking out an ashtray! Now, if she says she will give up smoking, RUN. People do not change (well, some can moderate certain aspects of their behaviour for a short time e.g. prior to getting married) and you should not expect anybody to change for you. You need to find a woman who you get on with without either of you doing anything different. Well, you might end up shaving more often, but anything which e.g. needs new clothes is definitely dodgy!8 - Limit the distance to something easily driveable. It is easy in internet dating to be in touch with somebody who sounds really great but is impossibly far away. Well, it can work (it is exactly what worked for me in the end - my girl was 100 miles away) but there needs to be a clear path to the two of you moving together eventually. Otherwise you are just clutching at straws. Setting say a 20 mile radius is going to limit the numbers considerably even on the biggest sites, but you have to be realistic.How to make it work for youHere are a few tips on how to navigate the maze:Contact women right after they join up. Both men and women invest a lot of faith in their first date and you need to work that to your advantage. So check all the sites you are on regularly - preferably daily.Don't act too keen and try to look busy. Keep cool, don't reply to emails for a few hours (a few days is rude nowadays) and make it look like this dating thing is something you are doing in between going out with friends Emphasise the word "friends" - women are very tuned-in to avoiding loners and needy types and are deeply suspicious of men who don't have friends. Also, saying that you are meeting an "old friend" tonight (without saying whether male or female - a deliberate ambiguity because a man with female friends is way more desirable) sounds much better than saying you are going down the pub to get pissed with a load of mates while watching footballBe very careful with the "ex" angle. Women have their antennae specially zoomed in on this area. If your ex has just been arrested for setting your house on fire, best to not mention that until several dates later. That said, any woman with a brain will know that any properly adjusted man will have an "ex" in his past, and quite possibly a spiteful one...Avoid women who have been on the site for years (on some sites one can see the join date). They are mostly serial shoppers and you are wasting your time - and money because they like to be wined and dined, with the proper protocol observed (= you pay). One I recall was doing two a week...Make early emails just the right length. The first email or message is crucial. Women are generally far more emotionally savvy than men and read a lot in between the lines. They work hard to spot men who have any kind of psychological issue. If you write 100 lines you will just dig yourself a hole and will never hear from her again. 5 lines is usually too short, however. So keep it to maybe 20-30 lines; initially at least. Read her profile and ask some questions based on that, rather than do what men do and talk about yourself In today's society, email is often regarded as "instant messaging" and many people write a lot of one-liner crap, but any intelligent woman doing dating for real is going to take more care, and equally will appreciate a man who can write a few lines which hang together. Constant instant-message-like emails from her are just another indication that she is running a long list and is too busy with that. On any given dating site, there will be only a small number of interesting women (within some reasonable distance, age range, etc, etc) so you cannot afford to waste any of them by writing a crappy first email. Finally, it goes without saying that you should never press Send until you have thought about what you have written...Drop a woman who is messing you around. Most women will be running a list. It's the way it is! Even on a date, it is not unknown for the woman to disappear into the toilet frequently, to process a load of text messages from other potential dates! I even had one outrageous date where she was taking phone calls from the others; obviously I wrote that one off there and then. So play it cool. If she has found somebody who she finds more interesting, there is nothing you can do. As every man knows, women almost never give a direct "No" (they don't like to hurt peoples' feelings, is the charitable way of putting it) and instead you get a run-around until you get tired of it. As soon as you see any sign of this, move on to the next one! Never, ever, chase after a woman who is not interested. Even if you do manage to get her back, she will just make your life hard.Beware of a woman who won't get off the dating site. Once you are "going out properly" both of you should get off the dating scene and make it clear to each other than you have done so. That is just basic ethics and honesty and anything less is not acceptable in a relationship. If you have cancelled but she has not, beware... One way of checking is to create a dummy profile under a different name, which you can use to see when she last logged inTreat the "specialised" sites with caution. Many sites cover various forms of casual sex, with various perversions thrown in. The veneer of civilisation is pretty thin and you would not believe what goes on out there! Do a google on "dogging"... Some of these sites may be worth looking at but only in case a "normal" woman joined up without realising it. It's possible because most women are not IT-savvy. Otherwise, meeting up women who are married, playing around, etc, is a complete waste of your time. The statistics vary according to where you look but all the numbers on sexual infidelity are staggering. These women are very likely to be running multiple affairs (any woman asking online for casual sex is going to get absolutely inundated) but are unlikely to leave their husband and the joint credit card. Plus you will need to watch your back, run a second mobile phone with an unregistered SIM card, etc... And any woman doing this is not going to stop just because she has found a boyfriend...Avoid Thai/Russian women. This may be controversial but I would also avoid women whose very recent cultural origin is from far away. I know this rules out your Thai wet dreams (I am reliably informed Thai women are as spiteful and jealous as they can be good looking) and rules out the "Russian brides" which the dating scene is full of, but notwithstanding any physical attraction these women are going to be on a different wavelength. And if you have a child, and the relationship ends, you are going to be in for a load of grief because she is going to fleece you and then go back to Russia or whatever, with the child. Avoid any woman who needs an EU passport. It comes back to my comment about finding a woman who has her own stuff to do and is happy to overlap her life with yours, and a woman who you have "imported" from far away won't have any of that.Don't give up just because you have had a few crappy dates. I had over 50 dates before I found my lovely partner. There is no way of telling when the "good one" will turn up and it almost certainly won't be the first one.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 10, 2020, 01:09:10 pm
content: ^excellent advice @peter-h, much of it applies to meeting / dating people in the old school bricks and mortar world too.It is vital to learn to trust your instincts and avoid overthinking it - you will find your instincts are rarely wrong in these matters.... they have been tuned/evolved over millennia.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 10, 2020, 06:08:16 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on February 10, 2020, 12:13:07 pm

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 10, 2020, 06:39:51 pm
content: ^What about all the ones in between??

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 10, 2020, 06:56:28 pm
content: They are all in showbiz and graphic design

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 11, 2020, 04:12:19 am
content: Quote from: peter-h on February 10, 2020, 12:13:07 pmEven so but if I were a young man who wanted four kids and a good wife at home bringing them up right, the general consensus would be against me. Sickening to watch such awful people putting the boot into a happy couple's life choices.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 11, 2020, 09:44:02 am
content: Awful "modern PC virtue signalling" attitudes in that video. People should be free to make their own lifestyle choices - so long as they don't impact on others excessively (e.g. having 10 kids when you cannot afford to feed them, etc).There is somebody for everybody and internet dating puts them within reach. Not easy, usually, but it is a process that will work eventually. Just got to get stuck in and get on with it

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 11, 2020, 10:21:54 am
content: Quote from: peter-h on February 11, 2020, 09:44:02 amYes, but I wonder how much of this poisons the well.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 11, 2020, 09:13:29 pm
content: In life, you might get a lucky break or two but mostly you make your own luck.You just have to get on with it. It ain't gonna happen otherwiseFor sure you will meet some strange womenFollow the rules and use your instinct.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 16, 2020, 11:39:46 pm
content: For those who missed out over Valentines day, remember, Hitler had a girlfriend.What about one that's ready to settle down?She's out there, gentlemen..

author: vtwin@cox.net
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: February 17, 2020, 01:03:53 am
content: I met wife #1 in college. Was married 17 years, and then divorced 13. Had one 9 year LTR with a woman in those 13 years, but I had to break that off as I found out she had a substance abuse issue and in my line of work I can't have any of that.I tried online dating when I first got divorced (2003 @ age 38). I can't remember all the sites... Match (obviously) and Yahoo Personals were two I can recall. I actually met a nice woman on Yahoo but after a couple of months it was clear she wanted something (eventual marriage) I was not looking for, so she broke it off. Match was an absolute nightmare. I think I had one or two dates from Match and it was clear the women were just going out for the free meal. I had a few really strange interactions with other women on Match back then. I completely avoided other sites like 'AdultFriendFinder' which was the 'Tinder' of those days.There was another site, I can't remember offhand, where I had a couple of dates from... one turned out to be a woman who I think (but never could confirm) was married (she was incredibly secretive about herself, for example one time we went to a restaurant where she had made a reservation and when the receptionist asked the name it was under, she leaned over to whisper the name). The other woman seemed nice, until she wanted to break out the different colored candles and read my aura.To be honest, I think back in the early days of 'online dating' the only women who were online were damaged somehow, or just really, really strange. Now its a lot more mainstream.Fast forward to 2014 after I broke up with the LTR, I figured I would give online dating a try again. Keeping in mind, of course, I was substantially older (49) now. It didn't seem Match changed all that much, except how much they were charging. After 3 months, I dropped the Match subscription, it really didn't seem to change all that much from 2003. Had a lot of really strange interactions again this time too. For example, I was chatting with a nurse who accused me of "stalking" her when I asked if she was going to see her family in a particular town a couple of states away over the labor day weekend (she had mentioned in a previous conversation a week or so earlier she had family in that town).By this point I was pretty turned off online dating. Eventually for s#its n giggles I created a pretty sarcastic profile on OkCupid (if its free, it's for me!) and threw up a pic I found on the internet of a biker dude with a huge beer gut and a six pack of beer tattooed on his stomach. This was in the summer of 2014 when it was dead at work, so I needed something to do, so I just starting rating profiles there.It was actually pretty enlightening, some of the profiles... I recall one where the woman (late 20's/early 30's) was quite angry towards men yet couldn't understand why she couldn't find a "quality man". Then there seemed to be a whole series of women with various substance abuse issues -- I recall another woman who was actually quite attractive, and made it a point of noting how much pot she smoked during the week.Then I ran across another woman's profile that was pretty interesting. She was in her early 30's and had just moved back to the US from Europe after getting divorced after a 10 year marriage, had a BA in psych and an MS in CS. However, of all the profiles I had read (and I had been 'ranking' dozens if not hundreds to kill time at work) hers was one of the best I had seen -- was actually well thought out and it was clear she was smart. I dropped her a message telling her telling her this (I was not a 'match' for her, as her criteria was male < 40, but it was still a nice profile).She wrote back, thanking me, and asked if I were a troll, or a sarcastic prick (after she read my profile w/ the guy w/ the Dubbs beer 6-pack tattooed on his beer gut). This resulted in a month-long email exchange between the two of us (keeping in mind I was outside of her 'match' criteria, I didn't consider her dating material (or vice versa) but we would exchange dating advice with one another, her asking me to 'mansplan' things, and I asking her to explain 'hinteeze' I would get from some women I corresponded with.) The fact I worked in IT (BS in IT, MBA in Finance) gave us a lot to talk about work-wise too.We actually did have a really good friendship online, and up to this point, had never met or spoken on the phone. One Friday night, I was working late, and she had written me an email telling me about her work week and how she just wanted to go out, have a drink and relax after a hellish week. She lived a couple towns over from where I worked, so I wrote back and said I was working late but if she wanted to, I'd take her out for a drink at 7 so we could both put a face and voice to the words on the screen.Well, we met at the restaurant, and had an awesome time and a lot of fun. It was pretty clear from the moment we met that we had a lot of chemistry together, even with the age disparity.Fast forward again to 2020, our 4 year wedding anniversary is in a few weeks. I'm 55 now, and she's 38, but neither of us notice the age difference... well, I do... sometimes... because occasionally something will come up which I experienced before she was born... like, I tend to forget she wasn't alive when I went to see Star Wars for the first time back in the 70's at the theatre. We have an 8 month old daughter keeping us busy too.So, I guess "internet dating" worked for me the 2nd time around, even though I never intended it to work out the way it did.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 05:05:47 pm
content: Nice storyI am not surprised that "odd one out" worked out for you.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 05:54:17 pm
content: Quote from: Ed.Kloonk on February 16, 2020, 11:39:46 pmHooking up with someone that has children can work well if both parties have children - then, the burdens are more fairly distributed and there is something in it for everyone.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 06:32:30 pm
content: Or if you're old enough that the children are already grown and moved out. I never had any interest in being the dad of some other guy's kids, but then I never had any interest in being a dad in the first place. At one point years ago I dated a girl who had a daughter and it definitely was not my thing. Her kid was not particularly well behaved but I couldn't really say anything on the matter. Her creepy ex who was the kid's dad was naturally involved too, once someone has a kid with someone they are kinda tied together forever in one way or another and can't really make a clean break.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 09:10:20 pm
content: I was in a relationship many years ago with a girl who had 2 kids. It was sort of ok but really she was looking for someone to bankroll the whole thing. I got out when she started pressing hard for marriage. Telltale signs included pressure for me to sell my (really nice) house and buy one jointly with her; given the large disparity in assets, a very astute move on her part, had I gone for it.All relationships involve a quid pro quo; both parties have to get good stuff out of it.All also involve a "power balance" so e.g. a "doormat" woman (an english phrase) who blindly obeys her man is likely getting some other payoff e.g. she has a lot of "freedom" outside the house, and the control she has is that the man depends on her for all his foodThat video about single mums is hilarious, but frankly if you are looking at a single mum of 25 who has 5 kids, if the alarm bells in your head aren't ringing, you need to look in the mirrorCouples with children invariably follow a different path in life. They mix with different people for a start. Most people, when they start a family, dump friends who don't have kids. It just happens... People with no kids have a lot more money and time spare and have a lot more adventures, travel more, meet more people, etc. They are also a lot less tired. When you have kids, the mum is usually knackered for 10-15 years, and the man is knackered because he is stuck working all the hours to pay for it. Obviously their relationship will stretch to breaking point; often past it. But kids are fun... until they get into teenagers and then they are usually hell, for a number of years.So in my view the decision is 50/50 which way you go. You will follow two very different paths.If you like to have time to yourself, getting together with a single mum is unlikely to work.Yes indeed the ex is always going to be "around" but the story always has two parts. The (absent) father may be poking his head in regularly, but his ex wife has likely been poisoning the kids against him the whole time and frustratingly there is nothing he can do about it.

author: Circlotron
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 10:38:19 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on February 19, 2020, 09:10:20 pmPreferably as a consequence of both parties being prepared to put good stuff into it.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 19, 2020, 11:39:28 pm
content: Quote from: Circlotron on February 19, 2020, 10:38:19 pmThat's the only way any relationship will ever work...

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: February 20, 2020, 07:14:14 am
content: Indeed, but I think a lot of people are just looking at the benefits to them.The comment above about "damaged" people, especially in the early days, is very true. It's no use looking for a relationship when you are not ok by yourself. I had loads of dates back then where you could almost hear the Prozac bottles rattling in her handbag.

author: Unknown
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: June 02, 2021, 10:25:03 pm
content: NOTE: This message has been deleted by the forum moderator Simon for being against the forum rules and/or at the discretion of the moderator as being in the best interests of the forum community and the nature of the thread.If you believe this to be in error, please contact the moderator involved.An optional additional explanation is:

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 02, 2021, 10:53:37 pm
content: Quote from: Charlzer on June 02, 2021, 10:25:03 pmAgainst that... opposites attract?

author: bdunham7
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 02, 2021, 10:58:20 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 02, 2021, 10:53:37 pmOf course. Irresponsible people with financial issues are attracted to those with a steady job and a nice house....liars and cheaters are attracted to the honest and faithful....and so on. The attraction the other way is the result of some combination of deception and willful blindness.

author: duckduck
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 02, 2021, 11:20:37 pm
content: I found internet dating to be a lot of work. For every 10 women that I messaged, one would reply. For every 10 women that replied, I would get one date. For every 10 first dates, I would get one second date. I met some interesting women. It was like being on a roller coaster that crashes more often than it comes back safe. Terrifying, but lots of fun, too. I stuck with it and found a wonderful woman. We've got a lovely child.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 12:01:02 am
content: Quote from: duckduck on June 02, 2021, 11:20:37 pmIt's like that in the physical world too - you rarely meet the "right" person the first date...

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 12:14:07 am
content: For those into numbers and interested in playing the numbers game..https://www.amazon.com/Book-Numbers-Analyzing-Pursuit-Women-ebook/dp/B08PTFKLP6/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8Review here:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56186117-the-book-of-numbers

author: alpher
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 02:43:15 am
content: Jeez , cant believe the ammount of BS in this thread, I've been married twice, went out with more girls than most.You just have to use your upper brain, that's all.

author: CatalinaWOW
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 04:32:25 am
content: I haven't read all the pages here, and haven't ever dated on the internet, but can't believe that it is really any different than any other way of meeting people after the first date or two. Opens up a bigger field but all of the fakery and weirdness was there all along.I will offer the following observations from several decades of participating and watching the process. There isn't anything profound here, but if the simple stuff works, more is possible.1. Looks, intelligence, money, style and manners and any others you personally care about are all desirable attributes in both sexes. Those who score high in all of them are universally desirable. Those not so lucky need to be realistic in their aspirations. Men and woman prioritize these attributes somewhat differently, but the differences aren't as big as popular wisdom would have it. The most important thing is understanding and being willing to own your own priorities in this area. Not fair to pick beauty over intelligence and then complain about the lack of brains.2. There is an old aphorism about fishing for trout in a mackerel barrel. Lots of wisdom there. Even if two people are well matched on looks etc., if one grew up in a farm household and the other in an urban high rise the odds of long term compatibility are much lower. Same thing for a child of wealth and one from a modest background and many other social differences. Thinking about this can also direct where and when you search for potential mates.3. Both men and women are sure they can correct the flaws in their mates. They are seldom right. Decide early if you can live with the flaws you identify. This decision is tough to make objectively so put a lot of thought and attention into it. It is a read flag when you say "This is bad, but.." Later, when one of those flaws is annoying you, remind yourself of your decision. It should only be changed after a lot of soul searching.Listen carefully for flaws in yourself as seen by a candidate mate. If it isn't obvious that the other person is making the same kind of decision described in the previous paragraph the only option is for you to change yourself. If you aren't really serious about changing yourself in that area you can save a lot of pain for both of you by bailing early.4. It is really hard to find out what someone else is like when you are talking. Find a way to listen.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 05:01:05 am
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 02, 2021, 10:53:37 pmFirst post, dredging up a thread that hasn't had any action in over a year, a bunch of words vaguely related to the topic without really saying anything. I'm betting their next post will be a spam link.

author: TerraHertz
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 06:24:47 pm
content: MGTOW Men Going Their Own Wayhttp://everist.org/archives/links/__MGTOW_links.txtWhich is very sad, but a reality imposed by the insanely unfair marriage/divorce laws these days.Something that affects me directly, as a fairly well off 65 yo recently widower.Do I dare ever contemplate another relationship, with the potential for losing everything?Logically no, because being forced to sell my property in divorce and getting half in cash value, really isn't acceptable.Meanwhile, heart falls for someone I meet now and then in business matters. But she isn't interested.Everything's just peachy.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 07:32:25 pm
content: Quote from: TerraHertz on June 03, 2021, 06:24:47 pmJust because you have a romantic relationship, doesn't mean you have to marry her?

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:17:48 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 03, 2021, 07:32:25 pmIn some places you have to watch out for common law marriage, if you live with somebody long enough you can end up effectively married from a legal standpoint.There are prenuptial agreements though, which frankly I think anyone would be crazy to not have, given the way things are stacked these days.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:20:51 pm
content: Quote from: BU508A on June 03, 2021, 08:16:32 pmI get:Video unavailableThe uploader has not made this video available in your country.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:27:28 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 03, 2021, 08:20:51 pmLooks like it's a music video "The Beautiful South - Don't Marry Her (Official Video)"I'm too lazy to fire up the VPN and actually watch it. I wonder why anyone bothers region locking things anymore though, VPNs are common and cheap, I could easily access it if I wanted to.

author: cdev
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:29:56 pm
content: Economics is called "The Dismal Science".Quote from: temperance on January 29, 2020, 11:03:25 pmIf they have tenure as a university professor thats a pretty decent job.

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:38:08 pm
content: Quote from: cdev on June 03, 2021, 08:29:56 pmTry "I design sex toys!"

author: BU508A
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 08:56:00 pm
content: The video is "The Beautiful South - Don't Marry Her (official video)".Perhaps you'll find another version on YT in your country.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 09:00:21 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 03, 2021, 08:38:08 pmLOL most women would probably think you were a weirdo/creep if you said that. Those that didn't might be worth keeping around for a while.

author: Ed.Kloonk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 09:09:35 pm
content: Quote from: SilverSolder on June 03, 2021, 08:38:08 pmWeird science.We've got some wild and woolly new consent laws being rammed through. If they get what they want, the upshot (for the man) would require consent on camera before a bit of the ole "how's your father".An adjacent news story here reports that a football player has had his career on hold for 2 years while he has been defending a sx assault charge. Which he has now won and is now re-instated as a player.The Rugby League has a policy that if a player hits the news for any reason other than footy they are stood down, if need be indefinitely.Some will say that is the fault of hook-up culture and not dating. I disagree. Modern dating is hook-up culture. It's the new social intercourse, as it were.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 09:37:58 pm
content: Quote from: cdev on June 03, 2021, 08:29:56 pm"Diversity and Inclusion engineer"I am not kidding, i came across one on a job site recently.

author: tkamiya
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 10:52:54 pm
content: My girlfriend has a masters degree in English. I have a two year degree in data processing from a community college. She is also 21 years older than I am. Her daughter also has a masters degree, but in psychology. I was a very poor student in my younger days. I only got serious during college years. She also made a lot more money than I when we met.After almost 25+ years later, we are still together.Internet dating service would have never put us together in the first place. We met at a community class place for ballroom dancing. We are more of an exception than the rule. But you know what people say about rules...

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 03, 2021, 10:58:35 pm
content: Quote from: tkamiya on June 03, 2021, 10:52:54 pmI don't know if things have changed, but back when I was on the market the "service" was more like a search engine and you could search by whatever criteria you want. There's no reason it wouldn't have matched you if you had something in common, provided you had not set criteria that would completely exclude each other.

author: tkamiya
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 04, 2021, 02:21:57 am
content: I've only heard of it second hand. I didn't need online services, so I've never actually used it. I only recall hear some of them were matching services. So you are saying they are basically human version of DigiKey catalog?

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 04, 2021, 02:49:58 am
content: Well there are all sorts of different ones and it's been quite a while now since I was looking but the one I met my partner on had a bunch of criteria you could look for. You'd enter the age range, gender, etc you were interested in along with that info for yourself, and stuff like whether you like or own cats or dogs, various activities you like and then there are a ton of random questions you can answer or skip. Answering the questions builds up a profile of sorts that it uses to match you with others who have answered similarly and it would show you a percentage of how well you ostensibly match to a given individual. When searching you could filter by basic characteristics like age range and gender, so if you said you were interested in women age 25-35 you'd never be shown a 50 year old man.There are other services that cater to more specific niches.

author: GlennSprigg
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 06, 2021, 11:43:02 am
content: The 1st 2 lines from the 'O.P.' explain why this has lasted 8 pages!!

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 06, 2021, 10:32:23 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on June 04, 2021, 02:49:58 amhttps://youtu.be/w2ADhFY7ZHU?t=708

author: SilverSolder
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: June 07, 2021, 12:16:59 am
content: Quote from: langwadt on June 06, 2021, 10:32:23 pmIt's just like eBay: extends your reach! - Most people end up with someone from their social circle, would be my guess. Availability beats a lot of other factors!