a girl I was online dating, with known mental health issues, disappeared - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / general

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 am
content: I was dating a girl online for the last week (just barely got to know her, haven't met in real life but did have a few days worth of online chat and a few hours of video conferencing), then she suddenly disappeared with no explanation. That normally wouldn't be a big deal, but the fact she has mental health issues and the way she disappeared is haunting me. She apparently deleted her Facebook and Linkedin (not just blocked, opening the URLs in a private browser says it no longer exists), which seems really odd if she just lost interest in me. The communications just prior to that seem to show that she was still interested in me, but dealing with some pretty bad mood swings.I do have her picture, name, and the city she lives in, but not sure if I should post them in the hopes that someone can check that she's still OK. Just to put my mind at ease, I have no intent to reconnect unless she does.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 12:53:16 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 amHmmm; this sounds an awful lot like a "Dear Abby" question.Quote

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 01:35:31 am
content: I would say you can't do anything for a "wellness check", you haven't met them to see if they are real or not. If there are mental health issues you cannot rescue her. In a week or two I find they will swing back but someone untreated is a deal breaker for me. Or it's an excuse for oddball behaviour...Many people play awful games with online dating. It's hard to not care much but it's always better to meet sooner rather than later.A textual relationship takes emotions on a roller coaster that first needs to know if they are a good person.Common is that they are scammer and got caught, so the ghosting and deleting of accounts - nothing to do with you.Women I know online dating are constantly scammed and it is quite the industry. One of their favorite questions is to mention some nearby town/road that has an odd name. A scammer will not know the city well enough and confuses the road/town/city as the royal giveaway they are somebody in a call center.Other people just want to play games, online affair or gender play etc.I would suggest to not be naive and if there are red flags then hit the "next!" button.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 02:00:26 am
content: From the video conference, I would say there's a very high chance she is real and really is suffering from mental health issues.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 02:14:50 am
content: Wellll, putting on my own Dear Abby hat, I'd say don't get too worked up about this. Whatever happened between you, it seems neither of you owes the other anything at this point, so all you can do is wait and see. No guilt is called for at this point, it seems to me.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 03:00:41 am
content: Did you contact MTV?

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 03:10:31 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 02:00:26 amSorry I missed the video date. But still, she could be in another place/city/country.I love rescue missions, start up the air ambulance and I will save you. They never work out, of course.Four dates, I find out the women are into aliens.One had been to Area 51 Roswell looking for them (they were at the gas station).Another communicated with them using her plastic Merkuba necklace.Another was probed at night, I thought a joke she's got a great sense of humour and... nope she believes they are among us and she gets visits at night. Couldn't believe it.The fourth is apparently a psychic ("direct channeling") but told me her day job is admin and I thought she was kinda normal until this came out.My point is, regardless of how pretty they are, how they look, how lonely you are - trainwrecks can be avoided.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 03:58:21 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 amI appreciate your concern. Send the name, photo and city to the police in that city requesting a welfare check anonymous to you. That is, requesting no reply given they cannot yet exclude that you are a stalker but giving your grounds for the request. It is possible that if she is a scammer then they might inform you, otherwise they should not. If she is not, it might prove helpful to her.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 04:32:13 am
content: Quote from: kite31 on October 02, 2025, 03:58:21 amI've got 10 bucks on scammer.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 04:54:00 am
content: Dude, did you sent her any of your crypto coins?

author: gamalot
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 04:59:47 am
content: In China, online dating stories usually wrap up with the girl pitching her grandpa’s homegrown tea.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 05:03:18 am
content: Sometimes people behave in ways that are more about their own needs or patterns than about the other person—what some call “attention-seekers” or, colloquially, “trophy-daters”. They may appear interested, then disappear suddenly, only to reappear later as if nothing happened.The safest approach is to not post personal information online — it could be risky for both you and her. If your concern is genuinely about her well-being, the most you can do is wait and not take on responsibility for her actions. But don't expect romance. With someone who shows this kind of unpredictable pattern, it’s usually best not to pursue a serious relationship, as it can lead to unnecessary stress.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 07:08:42 am
content: New AI technology allows guys to get a lot of money on onlyfanshttps://t.me/guraanton/58683

author: Nominal Animal
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 07:09:51 am
content: I believe that as online friends/colleagues/dates/whatever, we just do not have the right to intervene, intrude, dig into further details, or contact the authorities, at least not without actual evidence/indications of harm/self-harm. If they drop out, it's their right, and not for us to intervene.I collaborated and helped a friend I only knew online (but did exchange personal details and physical packages with electronics and discuss life experiences and personal struggles and experiences) for a few years as they ran an IT-related business and developed and maintained certain proprietary Linux software, so we had a lot in common. A couple of years ago, they suddenly dropped out of contact, no longer answering my emails. A year later, even their web server became unavailable. Being on the other side of the Atlantic (me Finland, they Nova Scotia, Canada), and we never having met or even talked over the phone, I just didn't know what to do to find out what happened.In the end, I decided that because I could not offer any help other than my friendship and communications, regardless of whether they just got fed up with me, fell ill (Covid?), or had an accident and/or kicked the bucket, me intruding and trying to find out more would have been selfish, and not help them in any way. (They're slightly older than I am, and I'm almost fifty.) So, I left them alone, and just don't know what happened.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:19:35 am
content: QuoteUnlike hardware/software projects, the requirements fit on the back of a small stamp.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 04:16:40 pm
content: Quote from: Nominal Animal on October 02, 2025, 07:09:51 amThat sounds logical but I don't think it is true. Most people appreciate it when others ask whether they are OK. In many cultures it is standard to ask how somebody is doing when people meet even if they aren't familiar.

author: AVGresponding
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 05:21:42 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 amYou could try contacting her local PD/Samaritans. Just doxxing someone on here is unlikely to be a good idea.

author: Nominal Animal
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 05:30:22 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 02, 2025, 04:16:40 pmOf course. In my case, it equated to a couple of emails spaced a few weeks apart. In NiHaoMike's case, to ping the social media handles the girl provided.Quote from: nctnico on October 02, 2025, 04:16:40 pmDon't be ridiculous. That's not analogous at all. What we are talking about here is similar to calling the local police station to do a health check just because somebody stops responding to your emails/texts/messages.

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 05:34:44 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 amI had an older sister who became schizophrenic in her 30s and lived on the streets in California until she somehow got hold of a car and ran over her partner in a delusional state. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity and committed until her condition was controlled. She died with a "D" on her ID card.Far too many of the response to your post are crass and tell much about the responders. If you have the info, call the Dept of Social Services in her city and explain. Then at least you can sleep at night. Screw all the bullshit replies.

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 06:18:42 pm
content: If you have details contact the relevant authorities.

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 06:38:04 pm
content: Woman next door is mentally ill- she lost her job as a professional, has zero contact with people. Looks skelly, emaciated and only ventures out to the public library and for groceries. I am polite to her, leave her alone, don't give her a rough time about any concerns for her I have.Two police officers come to her door to do a wellness check. She tells them she is okay, and gets pissed off "who called you, who requested the wellness check!?". The cops wouldn't divulge who phoned it in. I think it was her family, it was on a civic holiday where families gather.She took it as an insult and was upset about it. Not taken as any kind of loving action.OP if you have enough info to dox her, that is a bit creepy and if a woman suspects you are stalker material despite it coming from the goodness of your heart - if she catches wind you are datamining, they will pull the plug. Or even accuse you of being a weirdo. Don't be this way.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 07:22:21 pm
content: Quote from: floobydust on October 02, 2025, 06:38:04 pmFor me that sounds like a typical reaction from people who are mentally ill (or are otherwise not realising how much trouble they are in). I'm not going into details how I now; suffice to say I've been around the block.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 07:26:32 pm
content: Men are attracted like a magnet to mentally dysfunctional women, chronic depression, etc. How do I know? I was married to one for 10 yearsMany years ago, when I was young and gullible...It is the "damsel in distress" method. Always works!

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 07:30:42 pm
content: she got the money, or realized she wouldn't, from you or the others she was chatting up, and deleted the profiles to make some new

author: floobydust
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 08:53:46 pm
content: OP dating sites will in the pop-up will mention if they deleted an account due to violating their TOS, or if the account owner deleted it. You can ask them too.My friend she had several promising message exchanges with various guys, and then they vanished, profile gone (but not blocked). Then a sys message that the account was deleted and suspected of being a scam. To warn that further interactions outside of the dating site are risky.So at least you know they are a scammer and people ahead of you in their scam queue reported/complained causing the account to be removed.I know the modus operandi of male romance scammers because her and her friends got so many. The gorgeous, muscular business owner, temporarily in a foreign country, some military history etc.Until they need to take that plane trip back home and meet you in person. Need cash for the plane ticket, I'll pay you right back, give me your bank account details etc.

author: HumbleDeer
author_rank: Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 09:29:07 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 02, 2025, 04:16:40 pmI'd really stay away from overly generalized blanket statements like these when they cover what people want of whom you don't know them and their wants. In other words: source for your claims that most people want that?The standard of asking how someone is isn't always about wanting to know; it can be about expectation of starting convo's that way, or any which number of other possible things.I for one myself would appreciate not being intruded on if I haven't shown signs I value someone's going above and beyond.In having dealt with such people in the past, I have always ended up stepping away from people that can't respect boundaries of attachmen; Before, during, and after mental health episodes.Quote from: floobydust on October 02, 2025, 06:38:04 pmThere's nothing that stops someone from being a creep *and* having good intentions. But I prefer to frame it as someone doing something or showing XYZ behaviour -- it helps frame it as not being defining of that person, which it should never be to begin with.And then it goes without saying: If you *do* have good intentions and yet you *do creepy shit*, there's also nothing stopping you from working on that unwelcome stuff and becoming a better person.Quote from: peter-h on October 02, 2025, 07:26:32 pmWhile I dearly hope it isn't meant to, this really implies and generalizes towards this being an intentional misleading or malicious way of achieving something for one's own gain. That's not a great way to go about it. Want it or not, intend it or not: it's incredibly hurtful for the social dynamic where people learn from each other and reinforce each other's beliefs. It can grow from a situational implication to a blanket thought. And we all know where Eliott Rogers came from.I do want to disclaim I'm merely commenting on the comments above in the context of assumedly or purportedly a woman with mental health problems. I'm not meaning to imply whether or not that is the case -- you're free to gossip about it being a romance scam. My comments still apply as they're not this-context-dependent.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 09:43:44 pm
content: Given the details, there’s also a strong chance this wasn’t a “real” girl at all. Many of these profiles today are AI-generated or heavily manipulated. It could have been either a fully automated model trained to chat and video-call with filters, or a person (man or woman) using AI tools and filters to alter their appearance and voice into that of an attractive girl. The “mental health struggles” angle is often used as a convenient excuse for inconsistencies or abrupt behavior—it makes it harder for the other person to question things logically.It’s also possible the person running the AI model noticed flaws, bugs, or weak spots in how it performed. Instead of fixing them on the fly, they might have wiped everything, improved the setup, and relaunched the persona under a new account to start fresh with another target.In reality, people with serious mental health issues rarely engage in extended online dating interactions—precisely because of those challenges. That makes the probability of this being a real girl extremely low. It seems far more likely that the profile was artificially created, whether through AI or with someone deliberately using technology to impersonate an attractive persona.I’d say that about 99% of women who actively seek dates online fall into two-thre categories:1) So-called “trophy-daters”. These are women who go out mainly to get treated to expensive dinners or gifts. They have no real intent to build a serious relationship, but they are very good at creating the illusion of interest.2) Impersonators. Quite often, these are actually men posing as women or criminal womans, using technology or deception with the goal of extracting money. In other words just a scam.3) AI-driven bots. Some platforms themselves deploy AI personas to keep users engaged, prolong conversations, and ultimately increase platform revenue.The key takeaway is this: under no circumstances should you share personal data or transfer money on such platforms.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:02:40 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on October 02, 2025, 07:26:32 pmNot me.I do recall talking to a (to me) attractive young lady in the train when I was still studying (and a young man). She had a black eye. She told me her ex boyfriend punched her in the face because she was too obsessive over him. I really liked her and I think she liked me as well. But in my head there was also an alarm going off loudly telling me not to persue her any further so I didn't ask her phone number. I'm still unsure whether I walked away from the love of my life or from my worst nightmareSomebody I know wasn't so lucky. Found a lady online who was pretending to be sick & tired all the time and taking all kinds of medicines. At some point he did found out she wasn't taking any of the medicines and was just a lazy ass seeking a man to take care of her.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:06:02 pm
content: Quote from: HumbleDeer on October 02, 2025, 09:29:07 pmHave you ever noticed that many people have a phone glued to their hands due to their sheer need to communicate with other people? Not wanting that (which is perfectly fine BTW) is more like an exception than the normal.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:08:50 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 02, 2025, 10:02:40 pmYou actually did the right thing. Your intuition warned you that something was off. If a girl had truly suffered abuse, she would be very unlikely to share such a painful detail with a random stranger on a train. The fact that she volunteered that story so quickly suggests it was more of a hook — a way to trigger your sympathy and draw you in. Walking away probably saved you from a lot of trouble.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:36:28 pm
content: I have personally noticed something peculiar. Sometimes you meet a girl who acts like a magnet — you cannot help but watch her, talk to her, and feel irresistibly drawn in. It’s not always classic beauty, it might be some unusual trait, a small imperfection, or just something hard to define. But that very detail pulls you in with an almost obsessive force.From experience, I have realized: if you feel this way, in 99% of cases it signals danger. I call this quality “the Precious”. As I have observed, it often belongs to people under the influence of dark forces. And its presence should always raise a red flag. The key point is that when the Precious is present, you may feel no sense of danger whatsoever, yet a very real and very serious threat is present.And yet, sometimes it is almost impossible to resist, even when you clearly understand the risk. But practice has shown me time and again: this intuition is never wrong.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:38:06 pm
content: I just remembered that at one point, she mentioned that she was anemic from bleeding. That should have been a warning sign, but I didn't realize as I am used to thinking of bleeding as caused by accidents. Not faulting myself for that, as I never knew anyone else who was that mentally ill.Quote from: Bud on October 02, 2025, 04:54:00 amNo. That said, maybe I should have sent her my Swagbucks mining script (that's public if you know where to find it) on the off chance she's a scammer. She's quite into technical drawings and stuff (for the artistic value), but that script has been of no practical use for years as Swagbucks is a dead coin. So a scammer would think "she" hit the jackpot and waste time trying to get obsolete code to work.Quote from: Nominal Animal on October 02, 2025, 05:30:22 pmThey still show as nonexistent in a private browser.Quote from: floobydust on October 02, 2025, 06:38:04 pmIt seems there is no perfect answer to the problem. Also, while unlikely, on the off chance she or a family member is an illegal immigrant, pointing the cops to her would be doing her harm. Looks like doing nothing might well be the least bad action. I assume that if it really was as bad as I feared, it was already too late by the time I realized anyways.

author: TimFox
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 10:40:10 pm
content: I suspect she is an imposter, but she may have meant bleeding during menstruation.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 11:01:24 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 10:38:06 pmI understand your concern, but try not to worry too much. The fact that she/he deleted her/his account already indicates that whoever you were communicating with — whether a bot or a real person — is still alive. There’s no reason to assume anything worse happened. It’s natural to feel anxious, but the situation itself suggests you don’t need to fear for her/his safety.It’s possible, for example, that she has a husband and deleted the account after realizing private messages could be noticed.

author: abeyer
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 02, 2025, 11:31:00 pm
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 02, 2025, 07:08:42 amchecks out, would sub them both

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 12:29:34 am
content: Quote from: TimFox on October 02, 2025, 10:40:10 pmTo the point of feeling tired for days at a time? There's clearly something not normal.Quote from: radiolistener on October 02, 2025, 11:01:24 pmLogically, one who wanted to make an early departure from the world would delete the accounts first. And that deleting the accounts would not make sense just for cutting communication with one person, as that would cut communications with everyone using those communication methods.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 01:25:52 am
content: QuoteThe OP, at his age should consider dating women or ladies instead of girls.Definition of a girl: A child.Unless the op registered on this forum right after being born, he is now 15 years old (Date registered: June 04, 2010). Judging from the very first post in 2010 he seems to be driving a car and must be at least 30 years old.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 02:25:58 am
content: There doesn't seem to be any agreement at what age a "girl" isn't a girl anymore. Maybe that's why the amateur radio operators call them by the code "YL"? For what it's worth, she's 31 and I'm 36.

author: John B
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 02:49:26 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 03, 2025, 02:25:58 amDon't feel the need to defend it, tone policing of language like that is just sad in current year.On your topic however, would it not be fair to say you have a history on this forum of describing how you develop parasocial relationships with non-IRL women?I would expand the dating-app culture of meeting people through social-media type avenues as part of the problem. If you aren't interacting or meeting with people IRL, you are missing out on the vast majority of non verbal cues.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 03:25:21 am
content: I do intend to meet up with dates in person once they're comfortable with that. I met up with a gamer girl earlier in the year but she only wanted to be friends.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 03:50:46 am
content: QuoteMaybe consider singing up on a dating forum where mums and dads feed cats and dogs.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 05:17:38 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 03, 2025, 12:29:34 amHey, I can see you’re really fixated on this, but try to let go of these depressive thoughts. From my perspective, I honestly don’t see any reason to assume the worst, though I understand why you feel that way — I had similar moments in my youth too.Believe me, right now, you don’t actually need a girlfriend. You can live completely fine without one, and approach meeting people just as a pleasant way to spend time. If a girl is genuinely interested in something more, you’ll notice it naturally. But to avoid ruining things, stay patient and let the situation develop on its own. If you cling too tightly, you’ll almost always lose — that’s just how it works.I know this may sound counterintuitive, but you truly don’t need a girlfriend. What you need is to cultivate independence and not rely on someone else’s presence or decisions for your sense of well-being. This means learning to accept gracefully when someone leaves or withdraws — it should not unsettle you. If it does, that is a signal that your approach or mindset needs adjustment.If you feel a need for someone to stay by your side, recognize that this reflects a weakness and vulnerability. It is essential to cultivate inner strength—not for appearances, but as a genuine resilience within yourself. While certain events or attachments may cause disappointment, they should not have the power to unsettle you deeply. You must learn to let go, even of things to which you feel strongly attached, maintaining composure and balance regardless of external circumstances.And regarding people with suicidal tendencies — it’s generally wiser to keep your distance. This may feel counterintuitive, as you might believe you can “save” someone or help them through it. In reality, however, individuals with such patterns often suffer from serious underlying issues and may use the threat of suicide as a form of emotional leverage to control others. Entering into a relationship with someone like that almost inevitably leads to significant problems and emotional strain for you as well.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 07:02:21 am
content: I thought you might find this song meaningful: “Kaleidoscope” by Chappel Roan. It’s about how love can change and transform, like a kaleidoscope — sometimes upside down, sometimes in new colors, but still beautiful. The lyrics emphasize accepting change, respecting someone’s choice to leave, and understanding that relationships can evolve while still holding value.I think it fits your situation well, as it gently reminds you to let go, stay calm, and see the beauty even in change, without feeling like everything is lost.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 08:03:50 am
content: QuoteThat's another warning. Many low-IQ women like "strong exciting men". They get the "he will protect me" feeling and turn a blind eye to him beating up others down the pub. She is too stupid to realise that it is only a matter of time before he turns to her.Walk down the street and count how many glamorous women you see accompanied by thugsThe two pair up pretty regularly.I would not say so many women on dating sites are scammers etc. But it is a tough scene. Any woman whose profile looks even half good will be inundated with messages. I knew a guy running a site years ago and he said the message flow is > 10:1. So most of them rapidly become serial shoppers. Many years ago I wrote up a long article on how to do this without wasting your time, but basically you have to monitor the sites (99% of woman join only one, so a man has to do the whole lot) daily and message them as soon as they join up. Messaging profiles which are a year old is a waste of time.

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 09:30:39 am
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 03, 2025, 05:17:38 amI completely agree with every word of that. If you feel you need a girlfriend, then you probably won't get one. 'Neediness' is a very unattractive trait that will put most women off.Work on yourself. Aim to be self-reliant, confident, at ease with yourself. Be competent at what you do. Have friends because you love them, not because you need them. Get to a place where you can stand proudly and comfortably on your own two feet, needing no-one but surrounded by people you love.Being that person has many benefits, as @radiolistener says. Apart from being well equipped to handle all the things that life throws at you, your inner strength will be apparent to those around you. That is the kind of person women are attracted to: self-reliant, quietly confident, not needy.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 09:57:52 am
content: A lot of women say "stuff will just turn up". That works if she is a lookerFor men, it also works if you look like Daniel Craig and work as a swimming pool attendantOr work in a firm with loads of people.Everybody else has to put some effort into it. Internet dating (I used to be an expert) is the only practical way...

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 11:05:18 am
content: In a low mental state, reaching out and forming new bonds can be extremely exhausting. Often that exhaustion leads to a complete recoil/withdrawal.Sometimes the "up"s are worse than the downs. In some states of mind "up" just feels like being launched into the air and you know what's coming next. Newton. Sometimes you feel like just getting off the ride first in case that happens. Avoiding success and happiness because you don't want to have to lose them again.Similar things happens just if the person has been hurt or rejected prior. At first you might think there is true romance and there may well be, but the person can suddenly recoil away and cancel it all in a moment and not give you an explanation either.I don't think you should see yourself as a responsible either. I think you should just let it go and maybe she might show up again.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 12:04:20 pm
content: You must avoid women with mental problems, in particular depression, because that cannot be cured externally. The person must sort it themselves.Similarly if you have such a problem, no good in looking for a relationship. You have to sort yourself out first.

author: MrMobodies
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 02:06:57 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on October 03, 2025, 12:04:20 pmI know one at my local pub from two years ago. She followed me around in early 2023 and was being all nice but one night there as soon as I asked her about the many deep scratches on her leg which was exposed right up like she scratched it with her finger nails she said she didn't want to talk about it and accused me of "judging" her, then she went up and asked the land lady "is he really nice" and the landlady just looked away from her and she stopped talking to me every time she went in there like I didn't exist. I admit am not always nice but I go there for a nice time. I remember feeling horrible after that and for a few weeks like I said something nasty. I mean none of us are perfect if I did so without realizing.I spoke to her like I how I spoke to everyone else at the pub and it was not to do with this "dating" or stuff.She happened to be there and came over I didn't go to her or followed her around.I didn't say anything about it at the time to anybody as I believed it could cause trouble and not look good on me.I do the disco'stherewith passion and happiness and I have a lot to loose.Just ignore them if they make you feel horrible and get on with what you're doing seems to work in this case.Now recently she broke up with the very nice lad she was with where I heard they had a mortgage on a house and was due to get married in a few years time. I feel sorry for the lad, last night he said he moved back in with his mum and he sounded to me like a sick bumble bee buzzing around on the ground. I remember him saying, "I'll be alright as" in a low tone, as he slumped down looking at his phone on a chair. It'd be nice if they sorted their differences out. A house a mortgage and all that effort all gone.That's why I don't trust people these days until I spend time getting to know them.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 02:38:52 pm
content: QuoteAny offensive statement like that should be a huge alarm bell. Don't walk away. RUN!If something smells like a fish, it probably is a fishThe problem men have is they use their brain (or maybe their balls?) to override their instinct, and end up with ..... a bunny boiler!QuoteSomebody was pulling somebody's leg

author: MrMobodies
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 03:09:51 pm
content: Quote from: peter-h on October 03, 2025, 02:38:52 pmMore like rotten eggs with the way she was sitting on the outside pub table just staring at people.I am pleased now that I asked her about the scratches on her leg as she then brought out what appears to be her "true colours".I was asking not judging.QuoteIt has actually the young lad responding to one of the pub goers. Quite a few people sitting around him late last year asking him when they were going to get married and whether they were planning of having any children, etc. They brought a dog back then, a golden retriever and it'd seemed pretty tame the way it would stand up behind the glass of pane of the pub door to greet you on the way in and stand there waiting patiently for you to share your food and crisps. Early this year he was saying that she was treating the dog better than him but I thought that was a joke.There was one time I was doing a disco the in 2014. I had quite a few requests for this country stuff from a set of people who were sitting down on the other side of the pub and it broke up the dance between about 20 people. I queued them up in one go anticipating this might happen. The barman came over and asked why I wasn't playing their tunes etc. I said I was queueing them in one big go as it was completely different, slow and not exactly dance disco stuff. He said fine but we have got to start playing them now and say down with me.Anyway she came over, shouting as the music was loud but I couldn't hear what she was saying. With the way she looked at me and the way her teeth were, short teeth, spread apart with the gaps in between them reminded me like one of those floating Gas Bag things out of Unreal (1997) game.The barman understood what she was saying (she wanted me to change the song) he told me to not change it and that i was doing the right thing not to change it as it was a request disco. She took her fancy silver lined bag and left the pub but her partner stayed behind.

author: metrologist
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 06:33:58 pm
content: Quote from: joeqsmith on October 02, 2025, 05:06:24 pmMy suggestion is move on like it never happened...

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 07:52:49 pm
content: Quote from: metrologist on October 03, 2025, 06:33:58 pmMine too. It was a scam. Honestly, it was.Even if you prefer to think she was real, the fact that she closed those accounts means she was acting deliberately, and (I'm afraid) that you didn't matter enough to her, for her to stay in touch.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 10:08:37 pm
content: Quote from: SteveThackery on October 03, 2025, 07:52:49 pmC'mon, Steve: we don't know that for a certainty.It could be a scam, obviously. It could also be an honest reaching out. We really have no way of knowing for sure.One thing this thread shows clearly is the kind of assumptions people make about a situation they really have no idea about. And despite that, everyone's got their two cent's worth of advice.Actually, based on what the OP has told us, thissoundslike good advice: just move on.Of course, more easily said than done, once one gets entangled in a romantic or semi-romantic situation.Ah, the pitfalls of advising someone over the Intertubes ...

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 10:11:20 pm
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 03, 2025, 05:17:38 amThe main goal is to start a family, including a child or two.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 03, 2025, 11:01:25 pm
content: The problem is your age. All the good potential partners are gone so you are fishing in the pond with the leftovers. Best chance you have is stating you want kids in your profile and you may get a bite from a lady wanting to start a family as well. But you both can't be picky.

author: vad
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:03:27 am
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 03, 2025, 05:17:38 amSorry for going off topic... Are you using a special keyboard to type those em dashes (“—”)? I love them but always find them hard to type on iOS or Windows. Care to share your secret?

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:49:29 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 03, 2025, 10:11:20 pmYou mention that your main goal is to start a family and have children. I’d encourage you to look deeper and ask yourself: is this truly your desire, or is it something shaped by traditions, social expectations, or outside pressure? Marriage and children are not just a default life step — they are a serious responsibility that requires maturity and real readiness.Many men fall into the trap of seeing women only as gentle, fragile beings while seeing themselves as protectors and providers. In reality, relationships are far more complex. Sometimes, after children arrive, a man can find himself in a very vulnerable position: treated mainly as a financial resource, with children used as leverage. In such cases, a family can turn from a dream into a source of pain and conflict.This doesn’t mean all women behave this way — not at all. But the risk is real if you approach the question too quickly or too naively. That’s why I’d advise you not to rush. First, learn to be independent — emotionally and financially. Find clarity about what you want in life. Only then consciously choose a partner who shares your values and with whom building a family will feel safe and meaningful.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:54:14 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 03, 2025, 10:11:20 pmGreat, but you are (in)famous on this forum for always obsessing over girls, it's even in your profile pic, so if I may offer a suggestion, you might want to change that sort approach because it doesn't seem normal.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 05:12:33 am
content: Quote from: vad on October 04, 2025, 04:03:27 amI'm using Linux, on Linux the most comfortable way is to use Compose key.For Labwc you can define it in ~/.config/labwc/environment:Code:XKB_DEFAULT_OPTIONS=grp:alt_shift_toggle,compose:raltin this example <Alt>+<Shift> is used to switch keyboard layout and <Right Alt> to use as Compose key.For Wayfire you can edit xkb_options in ~/.config/wayfire.iniThen you can useCompose to type symbols, for example:Code:<Compose>+<->+<->+<->— — —Another way to type, which should work on Linux, but it requires to remember codes:Code:<Ctrl>+<Shift>+<u> and then 2014 and <Enter>— — —I'm not sure about MacOS, but as I know you can use ⌥ Alt instead of Compose, something like that should work:Code:⌥ + ⇧ + -But I didn't tested, try it.On Windows you can use Alt+code combinations, for example this should works:Code:Alt + 0151But I didn't tested, try it.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 05:36:36 am
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 04, 2025, 05:12:33 amThat works—I just tried it, as you can see.Too bad the HTML symbol&mdash;doesn't work with the forum software.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 06:02:24 am
content: Quote from: vad on October 04, 2025, 04:03:27 amOn iOS hold your finger on the normal dash to pop up options including em dash. This is useful for several other keys as well, for example to get plain text quotes.

author: Nominal Animal
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 08:38:59 am
content: You guys need better keyboard layouts! Keyboard layouts are not an immutable thing at all. In all operating systems they can be modified, and new glyphs/symbols added, and I do believe all do have a graphical utility to do so. In Linux Desktop Environments there is a Keyboard widget, and modifications are usually added as Shortcuts/Bindings. You can also modify the layout files directly (under/usr/share/keymaps/) or even create your own, for installing across systems and for using at the terminal console even without a desktop environment. I know Macs have the same. For Windows, you can useMicrosoft Keyboard Layout Creator.Here are some useful ones in the Finnish layout I currently use and modifications I'm testing:Keys pressedGlyphMy additionGlyphAltGr -–AltGr QΩAltGr Shift M—AltGr Shift 8≤AltGr MµAltGr Shift 9≥AltGr X×AltGr J≠AltGr Shift X·AltGr Shift 0°AltGr E€AltGr 3£AltGr 4$AltGr Shift 3»AltGr Shift 4«For anything more complicated like Box Drawing (useful for nice box diagrams in plain text files like documentation, or posts here using...or...), I have a shortcut to open myGlyphspage in a browser from a local file: just by clicking on them, the sequence of them is auto-copied to clipboard, ready for pasting.

author: voltsandjolts
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 09:26:17 am
content: Your glyphs html is nice, I'm going to use that, thank you.How do you make use of the ‰ and ‱ glyphs?I can set the numerator, but not denominator ³‰(minor bug, the clear button doesn't clear everything for me in firefox)

author: Nominal Animal
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 10:20:19 am
content: Quote from: voltsandjolts on October 04, 2025, 09:26:17 amFeel free to modify and publish your own; it's CC0-1.0. And it works just as fine opened from a local file as from over the web, too.Quote from: voltsandjolts on October 04, 2025, 09:26:17 am% = per hundred, ‰ = per thousand, ‱ = per ten thousand. For example, one might have blood alcohol content (BAC) of 1 ‰ (1g of alcohol per liter of blood), and be quite drunk, way too impaired to drive a car for example.I included ‱ just for completeness; I don't think I've ever used it myself.Quote from: voltsandjolts on October 04, 2025, 09:26:17 amIt should only clear the box on the left, containing the sequence to be copied to clipboard (but clicking on any glyph both adds it to the sequence as well as copies the new sequence to clipboard). It should not clear clipboard or anything else. It uses the standard browser form clear mechanism, but you can change the line just before the</form>with<input type="reset" value="Clear" onclick="(document.getElementById('glyphs')).value=''; return false;">to explicitly clear the box. The current code has always worked for me in Firefox; just verified Firefox 143.0.1 on Linux.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 01:23:11 pm
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 04, 2025, 04:49:29 amMostly family expectations. As an only child, they want to see another generation. It's also worth mentioning that in the US, I'm a minority. So while raising a child is a huge undertaking, it's one that I would want to do. But I did make it clear about not too many, as that would be overwhelming. (Actually, the girl I started the topic about came from a large family but was largely neglected while growing up, probably a big cause of her mental health problems.)I actually prefer strong and/or smart girls. And it helps that smart girls are the ones who seem to better understand the true value of an engineer.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 03:35:17 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 04, 2025, 01:23:11 pmIt seems the first and most important step for you is to clarify whether this desire truly comes from within yourself, or whether it is mainly a reflection of family expectations. If it genuinely does not feel like a burden to you — though I would strongly recommend reflecting very carefully before deciding — then one practical path, given your cultural and family situation, could be to involve your parents in the process of finding a partner.Parents, with their broader life experience, may be able to identify potential matches in a way that feels much safer and more reliable than you can do navigating online dating platforms. Of course, that does not guarantee your own happiness with the person, and sometimes even parents misjudge character or compatibility. Still, compared with the risks of online dating, this can be a far more secure and traditional route. Ultimately, the final decision rests with you.What is essential to keep in mind, however, is that you are not obligated to make such a life choice simply because someone else — even your family — believes it is the right or “normal” thing to do. Many couples end up building relatively stable and satisfactory lives together not through deliberate, conscious choice, but because circumstances, family, or simple good fortune brought them together.On the other hand, trying to find a partner entirely on your own, without guidance, especially in today’s online landscape and in your situation, can be like giving a child loaded revolvers as toys — the risks are disproportionately high. That is why, if your parents have suggestions or introductions for you, there is no shame in considering them. In fact, having this option available to you can be a significant advantage. It may align both with your family’s expectations and with your long-term stability.Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 04, 2025, 01:23:11 pmI would caution you against making a woman’s appreciation of your profession or income the primary factor in your choice. While recognition of your work can certainly feel encouraging, it is not a reliable foundation for building a relationship. Not every woman is guided by good intentions — some may struggle with psychological or emotional instability, and, in certain cases, they may even be driven by darker forces — whether psychological or otherwise — that can cause serious harm to your life and well-being.That is why it is important to look deeper: focus not only on how she perceives your profession, but also on her overall character, values, and inner strength. These are the qualities that will determine whether the relationship can truly be safe, stable, and fulfilling in the long term.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:08:57 pm
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 04, 2025, 03:35:17 pmThey tried to help, but the dating world is so different now compared to how it was for them that they're of limited help.QuoteActually, they're not as good at avoiding cybersecurity risks as I am. That's why I set up Kubuntu PCs for them.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:31:12 pm
content: Getting back on topic,Quote from: Nominal Animal on October 04, 2025, 08:38:59 amThings like ≤ ≥ ≠ you can do with compose. And compose is extensible, you can define more:Code:$ cat ~/.XComposeinclude "%L"<Multi_key> <a> <l> : "α"<Multi_key> <b> <t> : "β"<Multi_key> <o> <m> : "ω"<Multi_key> <O> <m> : "Ω"

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 04:54:27 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 04, 2025, 04:08:57 pmI’m not entirely sure I understand what you mean by this. Do you mean that you are reluctant to rely on your parents practical life experience in these matters, or that you believe they simply do not possess such experience? From my perspective, they undoubtedly do — having lived longer, they have accumulated a broader range of experiences, which, while not always guaranteeing perfect effectiveness, allows them to perceive situations with greater depth than might be apparent to you. Their insight often comes from having seen patterns and consequences that you have not yet encountered.If your concern is that relying on parents guidance in these matters might seem “old-fashioned” or out of step with current social norms, I would caution that placing greater weight on general societal opinion than on the informed perspective of your own family could easily be a bigger mistake. Of course, every situation has nuances, and ultimately this is your life — how you act is your decision alone, and no one can offer a truly perfect solution.If your parents are making suggestions that you find unappealing, this may indicate that you are not yet fully ready to start a family. It is likely that you still need to go through a stage of making independent decisions, experiencing mistakes, enduring setbacks, and learning to adapt. Only after navigating these challenges will you be able to evaluate your parents proposals from a more informed and mature perspective.Unfortunately, life often unfolds in such a way that by the time this maturity is reached, your parents may no longer be around, and you will have no one to turn to for guidance or advice except yourself.In fact, you are fortunate to have the opportunity to meet with, communicate with, and seek advice from your parents. This is a privilege that should be truly valued and appreciated.PS: Please do not interpret this as pressure to follow your parents decisions. I am merely trying to explain that their choices are often based on rational criteria: they are generally better able to perceive what could be risky for you and what could serve as support. Of course, they cannot fully gauge how comfortable your life would be with a particular person, so the ultimate decision must remain yours alone.

author: peter-h
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 05:19:44 pm
content: QuoteThat is very true. In general, engineers are not cool. At univ, they were regarded by the girls with extreme suspicion.In my 20s, a friend (a full time womaniser) found that being "unemployed" was much more successful than being an "engineer"But of course the women he was chasing were mostly the "easy" ones i.e. low IQ

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 05:36:48 pm
content: It is also crucial to mention that the feelings commonly referred to as romantic attraction or sexual desire are largely the result of biochemical processes in the body. While these emotions can certainly help initiate and strengthen close connections, they are inherently temporary and should not be relied upon as the sole foundation for a relationship.In practical terms, the intense phase of such feelings typically lasts around three to five years. During this period, it is essential to build a relationship grounded in rational understanding, mutual respect, and shared values. Failing to establish this deeper foundation within that timeframe significantly increases the likelihood of conflict, disappointment, or even long-term relational breakdown. In other words, passion alone is insufficient, the longevity and stability depend on conscious, deliberate effort to cultivate trust, communication, and compatibility.

author: coppercone2
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 05:40:39 pm
content: it sounds like you got off easy. This thread could easily be "help, I am locked out of my bank account"

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 06:20:19 pm
content: Quote from: coppercone2 on October 04, 2025, 05:40:39 pmEither that, or she got off easy.Imagine a random stranger wanting to have children with you after one week of chatting online ("you wouldn't believe how my parents are nagging me") while you struggle to even function from day to day

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 06:41:10 pm
content: Quote from: coppercone2 on October 04, 2025, 05:40:39 pmUnlikely, since there's no reason for a date to touch anything having to do with my bank account before meeting or even afterwards. In fact, I only see limited cases where it would make sense for them to do that after marriage.Quote from: magic on October 04, 2025, 06:20:19 pmNo, I give plenty of time, as in at least a year to settle down. The only time I have an early discussion about children is if they start it or I have a reason to believe they have a medical condition that may affect it.

author: coppercone2
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 07:05:45 pm
content: http://www.argonauts-book.com/the-sirens.htmlthe bird version is more accurate, because it can fly away to different network easily, and it has 'the thing' camouflage capabilitiesmaybe go pot a PCB in a enclosure to help forget about it, make some flux, lace some cable, etc. playing with a dac is like harmonica lol

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 07:16:17 pm
content: Regarding the "how do I type certain characters?" thing, if you're on Windoze there's always the li'l Character Map app. I use it all the time to insert them Greek glyphs and such. Probly almost as fast (or maybe faster) than remembering the "<Alt>+<num.keypad" combos, unless you have those written down next to your computah.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 09:51:51 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 04, 2025, 06:41:10 pmI think you may be underestimating how easily financial vulnerability can arise in relationships. It is a misconception to assume that a woman cannot, directly or indirectly, access or influence your finances. Often it does not happen through direct intrusion into bank accounts, but rather through legal mechanisms once a relationship becomes formalized.From what you’ve described, it seems that the women you have met so far did not see you as a “valuable target”, which may explain why they did not attempt to exploit you. But in reality, this says less about your security and more about the fact that many saw no point in investing effort. In the IT sphere, I know of far too many successful men who, after marriage, ended up in situations where divorce stripped them not only of a portion of their assets but also put into the burden of long-term obligations in the form of child support paid to ex-wife. And usually, access to children themselves was restricted, while their earnings continued to be redirected in favor of the ex-wife.This pattern is not rare, it resembles more of a systemic reality than isolated misfortune. Laws in many countries are structured in such a way that women, by default, hold stronger legal positions in matters of custody and financial claims. I personally know of a case with the owner of a large IT international business: he married an attractive young woman from a poor background, and within three to four years, she divorced him, secured significant assets from his company, include his large investments into assets in agricultural processing business, despite never having contributed to that business in any way. And I suspect very likely he loss a large financial settlement though he didn't shared such details with me.Many of my colleagues have gone through divorce and found themselves in very similar circumstances: they not only lost a significant portion of their financial assets but also became burdened with long-term obligations, having to transfer part of their income to their former spouse. At the same time, the mother limit the father’s contact with the child and, in some cases, actively influence the child against him.You are probably aware of the situation in our country, where men have effectively been stripped of fundamental human rights under the pretext of war. Many wives have left for Europe and other countries, and in time, a significant number of them filed for divorce and found new partners or financial supporters abroad. Meanwhile, the men were left trapped here, often without the support of their families, caught in a system they could not escape, and tragically, many of them have already lost their lives as a result.And this is without even addressing another serious risk — the schemes of women who, while presenting themselves as innocent, may deliberately entice a man into intimacy and later bring legal action, framing the situation as coercion in order to obtain financial compensation. In such cases, men are left almost completely defenseless. Even if there is clear evidence that everything was consensual and that the woman acted with malicious intent, courts all too often side with the accuser. Fighting against this is extraordinarily difficult, if not impossible.There have been numerous cases where a young woman falsely accused an innocent man simply to conceal from her parents that she had been living a promiscuous life and became pregnant. Even when it was later documented and proven that the man had never had any intimate relations with her and was not the father of her child, he was nevertheless convicted and imprisoned. Disturbingly, even in the face of clear evidence, the system often chooses to ignore the truth.I also recall quite a few cases where a woman became pregnant by someone else and then quickly sought out an unsuspecting man to marry her. Ironically, at the wedding it often seemed that everyone around — neighbors, relatives, acquaintances — was aware of her condition, except for the groom himself.In this context, one might recall the natural world, where in certain species — such as some spiders — the female consumes the male after mating. It is a striking metaphor for relationships in which the apparent bond can mask a hidden risk, leaving the partner vulnerable once his role is fulfilled.Therefore, be cautious — you are not the predator in this dynamic, but the potential prey.That is precisely why I suggested not dismissing your parents involvement. Their life experience, even if it may seem outdated at times, can help you recognize and avoid potential pitfalls and traps that you yourself might not yet see.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 09:57:14 pm
content: @radiolistener: Have you ever considered hiring yourself out as a LLM? You certainly seem proficient in producing walls o'text with questionable utility or applicability.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 10:34:15 pm
content: @Analog Kid: If my “walls of text” are too high for you, maybe it’s not my writing that’s the problem but your climbing skills?Unlike trolls, at least I create something that others can read and reflect on.

author: vad
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 10:41:51 pm
content: @Analog Kid, try using LLM to summarize the message, if it is too long. Here is what Chat GPT gives:“Relationships can make men financially and legally vulnerable, as laws often favor women in divorce, custody, and false accusation cases. Many exploit this for gain, leaving men with lost assets, long-term obligations, and limited rights. Caution and parental guidance are essential.”

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 10:48:49 pm
content: Given this thread seems to be about advising NiHaoMike on his own life, I shall add my own advice then depart.Ignore everything written by radiolistener in this topic, summarised or not.Ignore any other comment which implies women are some alien species of humanoid.You seem sufficiently sane.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 04, 2025, 11:07:35 pm
content: And while you're at it, ignore any sweeping generalizations, like this gem from @nctnico:QuoteI suppose if one believes the kind of stuff printed in horoscopes or newspaper agony columns, then this generic advice is valid for you.But it turns out that people and relationships aren't so cut and dried as this. We no longer believe that unmarried women in their 30s and 40s are condemned to be "old maids" the rest of their lives. Life is not a high-school popularity contest.

author: u666sa
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 12:25:47 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 02, 2025, 12:21:26 amYou were doing what?How do you date a girl online bruh?Anyway. Most likely she was a dude probing the waters, or some other person, entertaining himself or herself. Stringing you along for a ride. If you haven't met the person in flesh, you haven't dated them, keep that in mind. Reason they disappeared is manyfold. Maybe they got bored with you, maybe they got bored with themselves. Who cares thought.Online, you show your pics, get sympathy, transfer conversation into phone, this is important to talk to a person before you meet them, so that you don't get flaked on. Then you meet. You can't be dating someone online, that's called chatting online,. Why you got oneitis on a person you never met in real life that's another story and a real issue.I suggest you go to one of those relationship forums, instead of electronics forums. For example sosuave.net.

author: u666sa
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 12:56:33 am
content: Most pros though, don't do online dating. Only live approaches and groups. Online is not real, after online you still have to meet in person. Eliminate this one step, avoid mentally ill people, and date more people.Simple formula.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 am
content: I had done quite a bit of video conferencing and planned to meet up in person once she's comfortable.Now the question is, since I moved on, if she does try to reconnect, how do I politely tell her that I'm now only interested in being friends and not worsen her mental health with the feeling of rejection? Or for that matter, if I encounter another girl with some pretty bad mental health issues?Quote from: u666sa on October 05, 2025, 12:56:33 amWhere can I find a place to meet up with girls who would like an engineering guy?

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 01:12:15 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amDo just that: politely tell her that you're now only interested in being friends. Forget the rest of that sentence.Just be honest. Don't worry whether she's made of glass; she's probably not.Don't be so gun-shy; it's only a date.

author: u666sa
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 01:57:58 am
content: Most players aren't naturals. Most were hopeless losers before they become good with girls. It's a skill, and you have to learn it. There are boot camps you can do. That forum I gave you, can help you get the skills you lacking. You can start by asking same exact question, only at a right forum.

author: John B
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 02:05:57 am
content: I'm not understanding the hate for radiolistener's input

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:29:11 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amWhy do you feel the need to explicitly tell her that? Are you trying to protect her feelings, or are you actually trying to distance yourself completely? From what you describe, it sounds like you two had decent communication before, so it’s a bit surprising that you’re now leaning toward the opposite extreme.There’s nothing wrong with continuing to talk if it feels natural. If you don’t intend to pursue a serious relationship, you don’t have to make a dramatic statement about it — doing so might only make things unnecessarily painful for both sides.To be honest, I don’t see what the real “problem” was in your story. Problems start when someone begins to manipulate or use you. Her disappearance, intentional or not, doesn’t necessarily mean something bad. Even if it was deliberate, the healthiest reaction is still to let it go calmly and without resentment.In other words, I wouldn’t “pour a bucket of cold water” on her just to make a point. If she reaches out again, just respond naturally — as if nothing serious happened. Quietly take note of her past behavior, and let her own actions determine whether you want to stay in contact.As for “mental health issues”, I’d say they only become a real concern when they start creating emotional or personal risks for you. If she’s simply different or has some quirks but doesn’t harm you or drain you emotionally, then it’s not a problem at all. It’s quite possible that what actually drew you to her was a subtle imperfection — something small and seemingly insignificant that, in fact, made her more appealing. That often happens, such little flaws can make a person unique and memorable, standing out from the ordinary crowd.Broadly speaking, there are no true “mental problems” in the absolute sense — only an average model of behavior and individual deviations from it. Sometimes those deviations may be more noticeable, but that doesn’t necessarily make them bad. Practically everyone has their own quirks and deviations from the norm — it’s simply part of being human. What truly matters is whether they cause you any real difficulties in life.

author: coromonadalix
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:35:04 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amDo it in presence not thru a screen ... and on how you avoid such problems in the future ... you where running into problems ... and acting like this to me seemed you had ones tooyou may have self confidence problems, and you will attracts some weirdos ..you should now be mature enough to understand all of internet games "good or bad" unstable persons are no go thru a screen, meet them in person, some can be medicated and can be in relationship, some are to avoid at all costs they just destroy everything around them.and "as to know where to meet up" search in your town it is not relying on others, do it yourself ... even if you where my best bud, i would not help and receive a blast if did turned badi learned the hard way

author: nali
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 08:40:55 am
content: I wasn't going to post in this thread but changed my mind as it's getting more genuine than I thought it was going to be. Having done the dating minefield in my 30s I can empathise with OP. Been there done that; had the good dates, bad dates, bunny boilers, women out of my league, baggage handlers etc. etc. Looking back I realise I was getting needy and trying to get myself hooked up just because. Most of this was online - dating sites, flirt sites, IRC chat etc.On a positive note - I gave up trying and resigned to the fact I'd be single forever when I hit 40. Met my wife at 45, nearly 20yrs ago now.So my $0.02- If you're looking for a relationship because you think you should, or peer pressure, you're most likely gonna fail, and fail often (from experience)- Long distance relationships usually don't work in the end. Unless it's REALLY special which is more the exception than the rule (from experience)- Stop trying to make people like you. It makes you come across as needy which is unattractive (from experience).- A family member of your age has a preference for dating partners outside the UK. Still single.- Another family member is dating because she wants a child before it's too late. Still single.

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 09:43:37 am
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 03, 2025, 10:08:37 pmFair comment.IN MY OPINIONit's either a scam, or it is someone who doesn't want to continue the relationship.MY ADVICE: for either option the only thing to do is forget it and move on.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 10:36:22 am
content: Since this is in general technical chat, not dodgy technology, I tried Grok. It gave two responses for it's "2s of thought:"Quote from: Response AQuote from: Response BThose seem to cover most of the curbside psychoanalyses here. Online dating is by definition a scam -- it's not real. I favor Response B.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 10:49:19 am
content: Quote from: kite31 on October 04, 2025, 10:48:49 pmRadiolistener makes some good points. I've seen some of his concerns happening to people around me. These where typically caused by not following the kind of advice radiolistener is giving. A good reader understands these are edge cases but relationship pitfalls nevertheless. Also keep in mind there is a whole army of scammers out there trying to make profit from lonely men.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 11:06:20 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amThat is the wrong question. You need to find a lady who loves you and respects you because how you are (and vice versa). Not because of the work you do or the kind of car you drive.I don't have online dating experience myself but do have some nearby experience which lead to serious, long term relationships. IMHO the best way is to use online dating sites as a first selection process. If you like a lady, then ask her out on a date in a cafe and take it from there. You'll both be nervous and uncomfortable so don't worry about that. If a lady doesn't want to meet IRL in a cafe (or restaurant), then I'd say that is a very red flag. Alternatives to meeting women are at the workplace (IMHO relatively rare) or activities like sports, card games, etc for as long as these aren't men-only activities. For example: I go swimming twice a week at the local pool and there is plenty of opportunity to meet and talk to women.nali has summed up some good points a few posts up.

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 02:57:06 pm
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 04, 2025, 01:23:11 pmHang what your family wants, it's your life and will be your burden, financially, in time and emotionally. I know it is hard with tradition and all that but it's your life and the present day in your present location, not 200 years ago in the locality of your great, great... grandparents.I decided that I did not want children, I grew up thinking that children where the done thing and dreading it. then I understood myself and that children where not going to be my thing and started looking for women on the basis that I did not want children. My now wife had a strong traditional upbringing and wanted children, but between our ages and both of our mental states hers in particular I stuck to my guns and got a vasectomy. We skipped the 3 bedroom house thing and moved directly into a bungalow in a nice part of town. Without children we can dedicate our free time to the hobbies and things we want to do. Children are a massive responsibility and you have no free time. As it is I have way less time than I used to just being married and living with someone, I thought it would save time having 2 people to get the chores done but it is the exact opposite, engineering calculations do not work for relationships

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 02:58:06 pm
content: I'm a single man in his 60s. I've been single all my life. I'm an expert at wanting a relationship and not getting one.NiHaoMike: I say this with respect and compassion: I think you are your own worst enemy. Let me explain.....You present yourself as needy and even a bit desperate.This is guaranteed to put almost all women off you. You won't get a woman in your life until you are comfortable with who you are, at ease with yourself, and comfortable with being single. They want you to be confident, self-reliant, and a guy who is competent at life.I'm sorry, but the best way to get into a relationship is to work on yourself first. It won'tguaranteea relationship, but it will greatly increase the chances.You've been told this a dozen different ways, now. Take it seriously.

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 03:03:43 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 05, 2025, 10:49:19 amALWAYS PUT HER PHOTOS,ALL OF THEMINTO A REVERSE IMAGE SEARCH !!!!SERIOUSLY.You will be amazed to find that these scammers actually take the time to piece together photos of different girls that look close enough to be the same person. You might be surprised where you find those very same images.

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 03:28:12 pm
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 04, 2025, 11:07:35 pmOh but it is, in every way.

author: Siwastaja
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 03:40:14 pm
content: Quote from: SteveThackery on October 05, 2025, 02:58:06 pmAre you sure? Think about questioning yourself on that one. I mean, usually if onetrulywants something, they eventually make it happen. Just sayin'.

author: u666sa
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 03:50:37 pm
content: @NiHaoMikeI'll repeat it one more time.http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/Support forums:https://www.sosuave.net/forum/Women are looking for desirable traits in men, your only choice is to get those desirable traits.Hehe son. To get good advice on women you have to hang out with men who are experienced with women. Men that have no experience with women, can not give you advice on women, for they have no idea what they are talking about, they can only feel sorry for you. Your mother can not give you advice on women, she's a woman, her only experience in life is with men, she can only feel sorry for you. A woman can not give advice on women, just like your mother, women are only experienced with men, they can only feel sorry for you. They'll tell you, you have to keep looking for a woman that will accept you for who you are. That's such a load of bologna. No, son, you develop desirable traits, you observe other successful men, you become a new you. New you that women adore. Then you get women. Many many beautiful women. So you go ahead an explore those two links above, it's the start of your journey to success.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 05:42:30 pm
content: If you want to be a circus pony to attrack women, follow the advice above. Every now and then I find myself in places like Cannes (France) where there are many men and women dressed up like circus ponies. Probably to mask having lack of personality and self confidence. It is so fake.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 06:06:09 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 05, 2025, 05:42:30 pmreminded me of this gem,https://youtube.com/shorts/p_IH1szMcLQ?si=mPJeyGM0BC0H3XKl

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 06:42:02 pm
content: Quote from: u666sa on October 05, 2025, 03:50:37 pmWhat desirable trait does Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos have?There can be only one answer: A meal ticket.

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 06:55:03 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 05, 2025, 06:42:02 pmTo be fair those are 2 different people, one is certifiably a jerk in all respects but happens to be rich, the other I don't know how much we really know him?

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:21:44 pm
content: Quote from: Simon on October 05, 2025, 03:28:12 pmWell, it may be, but it doesn'thaveto be that way.And you can change that by your own behavior. You don't have to buy into that bullshit, and your approach will affect the outcome of your quest for a partner/friend/whatever.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:21:53 pm
content: The commonality is money. Is that too hard to see?

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:50:14 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 05, 2025, 07:21:53 pmWell I know that.

author: abeyer
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:54:37 pm
content: Quote from: Simon on October 05, 2025, 02:57:06 pmprobably the most true thing that's been said here

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 07:55:02 pm
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 05, 2025, 07:21:44 pmYes, and for me it is not. But unfortunately for most that is it. In all aspects of life "popularity" is the ticket. I mean who elects a politician based on their honesty, popularity, see how they manoeuvre to get it to get elected. That is just the very public and in your face version of human interactions in all aspects of life.No I don't subscribe to it. But being nice rarely gets you far, the chances of meeting a partner that respects you for it diminishes. Took me years to find someone.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 08:18:38 pm
content: @SimonI think you are wrong in the vast majority of cases. Did you see the movie about John Nash and game theory? Popularity has a place, but solid relationships are built on a lot more, and rarely popularity. If it was popularity, then why are Hollywood marriages revolving doors?

author: Simon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 08:46:56 pm
content: hang on, we were talking about getting the girl in the first place, not the longevity of the relationship. If there is nothing else but looks and popularity, yea sure, things end fast.The revolving doors are not just for film stars, again every level of society has that, it's the film stars that get into the papers because.....

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 08:50:14 pm
content: Quote from: Simon on October 05, 2025, 07:55:02 pmWho said anything about being nice?Hell, just be yourself, whatever that is. Abrasive, combative, perceptive, compassionate, whatever; a lot of prospective "dates" won't like it, but some might, and that's what counts.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 09:32:44 pm
content: I’d like to add that if you’re looking for a wife rather than just casual encounters, dating sites may not be the best place to search. The vast majority of women there are either trying to scam men for money or offering paid companionship/sex — neither group is genuinely interested in a serious relationship. Of course, there are rare exceptions, for instance I remember one case - one girl happened to meet her husband online back in the 2000. But that’s more of an exception than the rule. Similarly, it’s not a good idea to look for a wife at clubs or parties — people usually go there for fun and entertainment, not for meaningful relationships. So I’d suggest keeping that in mind.For example, when you meet a girl at a club or a party, she usually expects something casual — a one-night encounter without commitments. If you suddenly suggest a serious relationship, she’s likely to misunderstand your intentions or even take offense. The same works the other way around: if you’re introduced through family or friends, the girl will expect something meaningful, and suggesting a casual fling would be inappropriate or disrespectful.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 05, 2025, 10:51:30 pm
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 05, 2025, 09:32:44 pmI don't agree with this. It all depends on what kind of dating site you are visiting. There are dating sites (at least in the Netherlands) which aim at finding a serious relationship and I know several people who managed to find a serious relation through such a dating site. I'd say it takes some investigation to figure out which dating sites are suitable for finding a partner and which aren't.

author: jonovid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 06:39:32 am
content: taking face to face in person in broad daylight is the best way to avoid disappointment , scams , AI profiles.

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 12:21:42 pm
content: Quote from: Siwastaja on October 05, 2025, 03:40:14 pmGood question, but I do feel sure. To begin with, I was always socially awkward. (I think this was a result of an oppressive, overbearing and sometimes cruel father). As a teenager I was somehow identified as "different" and became the butt of all the jokes and teasing, excluded from the peer groups. Eventually I did find a group of friends, unified by a common interest in motorcycles, and I still have one of those friends 50 years later.All the guys in the peer group, apart from me and one other - enormously fat - guy, had girlfriends. They came and went, as is common in that age group: 18 to 24-ish. Eventually something would click with one of the guys and their involvement with the peer group faded away as they got embroiled in nest-building with their woman. It was by this means that the peer group eventually lost its identity, although the odd friendship endured.In all that time I never had a girlfriend. In modern parlance, every woman I met immediately placed me in their "friend zone".I wondered why, and it bothered me mightily. I was below average in looks, for sure. I wasn't at all "macho"; I lacked confidence; I could never find any hint of the "bad boy" that women of that age find irresistible. I couldn't do that slightly "cocky" thing that most young men naturally have. Throughout my childhood and most of my adulthood I lacked self-esteem in a big way - another sure-fire way to put women off. Probably all part of the same thing: I completely lack charisma and gravitas. Perhaps worst of all, I completely lacked any suggestion of a sense of humour (and still do).In the online dating forums, women always,always, say they want a man who can "make me laugh".I tried online-dating for about 15 years or so. The big problem was that all the women I was interested in weren't interested in me. One of them was kind enough to explain: I was persistently punching above my weight. With my looks I should be aiming for less attractive women. A brutal but immensely appreciated bit of feedback.I became a very competent bachelor, who kept my house clean and tidy, didn't subsist on McDonald's, and usually wore clean clothes. Nevertheless, I kept trying the online dating until maybe 12 years ago (I'm 68 now, so my mid-50s).It is only in the past dozen years or so that I have become reconciled to my single life. In fact, now, I am not at all interested in any kind of relationship with a woman that goes any further than simple friendship. I have come to appreciate the complete freedom that comes with only ever having to think about one person's needs - my own. My house has four bedrooms, but only one of them has a bed. The other three are my library/study; my office and computing room; and my workshop, where I do electronics, clock and watch repairs, and light engineering. I have two TVs, both bigger than would be permitted by a wife. My garage is a haven, where I work on my cars and motorcycles. Every single thing in my life is arranged around my wants and needs. It is a remarkable degree of freedom.But don't misunderstand me: I have some wonderful friends, male and females, and I love them all. I love my family: a brother, sister-in-law, and nephews and nieces. I think they love me, in the sense of a weird-but-harmless uncle.I am now, at last, entirely comfortable being a single person, and I truly have no interest in being in a relationship. If a woman expressed an interest I would almost certainly politely decline. I should say one important thing: as men age their testosterone level declines, so the changes I have reported above might well be partially (or wholly?) explained by my ever-decreasing interest in sex and romance.Almost finished! There is another thing I have had to come to terms with: my life has been entirely inconsequential, and that of course includes an absence of descendants. This is quite something to come to terms with. When I die there will barely be any trace that I ever existed, apart from some memories amongst my friends and family. When the generation after me has died, all trace of me will be gone. And yet I realise now that - apart from populating the next generation - almost all of us have lives less consequential than we would wish.Forgive me, I have produced a wall of text! But I did it deliberately - I hope there might be something of value, or at least of interest, to our OP. Whatever happens, I believe he will find peace and contentment somehow, whether it be as a single person, a partner, or a family man. A closing message to the OP: nobody is responsible for your happiness, contentment, fulfillment and well-being apart from you. Live for yourself; if more comes along, that's wonderful, but don't let your life be defined by your search for a woman.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 12:43:41 pm
content: Great post, Steve.Just one question - that realization about your weight did not make you trying to exersize to make a change?

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 01:59:52 pm
content: Quote from: SteveThackery on October 06, 2025, 12:21:42 pmI’m sorry to hear that you probably haven’t had the chance to experience some of the pleasant romantic moments in life. On the other hand, you’ve also saved yourself a great deal of nerves from drama and stress

author: metrologist
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 04:49:23 pm
content: Pardon me - it seems an electronics engineering forum full of engineering nerds might not be the best source for dating advice.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 04:54:58 pm
content: Quote from: metrologist on October 06, 2025, 04:49:23 pmHold on, many of us are married! So engineering nerds know how to date. Actually, that makes this the best place to ask for dating advice for engineering nerds

author: TimFox
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 04:58:58 pm
content: There is no shortage of literary fiction about romance, courtship, and marriage.For a cautionary tale, consider the continuing story of Roddy Ho, the IT nerd at “Slough House”, in the novels in that series by Mick Herron (recently streaming on AppleTV+).

author: SteveThackery
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 05:18:34 pm
content: Quote from: Bud on October 06, 2025, 12:43:41 pmThanks! I'm popping out so can't answer fully, but perhaps you misinterpreted my mention of "weight". I said I was "punching above my weight", which here in the UK, at least, meant I was aiming too high in the dating stakes. It turns out that beautiful people tend to end up with a beautiful partner, and plain people tend to end up with less glamorous partners. I was a plain person trying to attract beautiful women - a mismatch which definitely contributed to my single-ness. 😀

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 06:22:41 pm
content: I've been single for 13 years now. I've had a few relationships, but nothing serious. I'd say I'm happily single.Personality-wise, I'm socially awkward. I've been unofficially diagnosed with autism by a therapist who works at Riding for the Disabled, where I volunteer, helping to clean stables, groom the horses and help with the riders. I can be quiet, but also tend to monologue and will interrupt people, not intentionally, but because I think they've finished talking, when they have more to say. I often miss when people are joking or making fun of me, making me prone to being teased. I have a big mouth and can be abrupt, even though I'm not tying to be rude. I often stim, by shaking my hands, stretching all my fingers out, clamping and I often repeat random words to myself, often bad ones. I'm caring and do have a sense of humour.Appearance-wise, I'm fine. I've been told I have a nice enough face, above average, boyish, but masculine enough, striking blue eyes, thick brown hair, with only a few grey and good skin; I look about 10 years younger than I am. I have a decent figure: fairly toned and lean, not ribbed with muscle, but again above average since most people in the UK are overweight. The only negative about my appearance is I'm a little short at 174cm 5' 81/2, but tall people are more prone to health problems and don't live as long, so it doesn't bother me. Women have approached me in the past in nightclubs, but it has never led to anything, especially because I can't tell, most of the time.Although I'm not the best one to give advice. Concentrate on the things you can most easily change first. Get in good physical condition: sleep, exercise, diet; quit smoking, drink less and don't do drugs. Surround yourself with positive people, as much as possible and don't overthink things.I've had mental health problems in the past, but won't into it here; I've already posted about them elsewhere on the form and it would just bring me down. Therapy is set up more for women and you'll find most therapists are female. I've found the ones I've tried didn't work for me. I don't think talking about my problems or insecurities helps much for men. That generally works better for women. If you have nagging, compulsive thoughts, then try to put them to the back of your mind. Many things are commons sense. If it's a relationship/people problem, one way of thinking about something objectively is to write it as a story, but write it in third person and change your name, along with all the other names to random ones. Focus on doing things rather than talking.I'm happy enough. I don't have many friends but see my family very often, especially since my sister has separated from her useless husband. I wouldn't say my life is completely inconsequential, because I've had a decent impact on my nephews' development, given I see them so regularly. I do have a strong paternal instinct, even though my drive for romance is fairly low. It's a bizarre contradiction.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 06:26:08 pm
content: Quote from: TimFox on October 06, 2025, 04:58:58 pmOr Romeo and Juliet: "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?Deny thy father and refuse thy name."

author: TimFox
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 07:29:22 pm
content: Romeo was not a flop with chicks: his problem was being caught in a war between armed families and a yen for 13-year-old girls.Note that “wherefore” means “why”, not where in the bushes.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 08:05:53 pm
content: Agreed it is archaic English, but "why" doesn't fit iambic pentameter. Regardless, Dear Abby had the answer via Grok.I am still wondering where the "technical" of this whole thread is and why it's not in dodgy technology. Hooking up with humans of the female sex is hardly accepted physics, math, chemistry, or biology. Maybe engineering? At my university, we needed special immunizations to visit that campus.Edit: Corrected Addy to Abby.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 08:21:29 pm
content: Quote from: Zero999 on October 06, 2025, 06:22:41 pmIf you are to your nephews like my uncle is to me, your nephews will be happy. I consider my eternally single uncle as having an extra father.

author: TimFox
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 08:37:31 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 06, 2025, 08:05:53 pmDo you consider "therefore" to be archaic English?There's a relationship therebetween.In English, there is a difference between "therefore" and "therefor", and similar pairs.(Similar to a difference in German)A puerile joke from my high-school days:J: Wherefore art thou Romeo?R: Here in the bushes, hand me the toilet paper.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 09:56:55 pm
content: "Wherefore" is archaic English and means "why" according to Google and any sentient person reading that text. We learned the original text. I am about as far from a linguist as one can imagine. My grade school counselor (8th grad) wanted to hold me back from HS because my reading was only at the 2nd grade level. My mother fixed that, and I was able at least to go to high school.. She was quite a woman for any epoc.As for therefore , etc., that's not relevant to the Shakespeare quote.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 10:25:08 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 06, 2025, 08:05:53 pmHmm; perhaps we need a "Dating" subforum here ("Some engineers like to go out on dates"), like the cooking one.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 11:09:43 pm
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 06, 2025, 10:25:08 pmCooking is chemistry. It's science. I have/had a whole book on it. I gave my copy to my newest family member 2 weeks ago.. She's from Northern India and an honor to add to our family. Her legal immigration took over two years to arrange.* I have never known a chemist who didn't like to cook,Dating and relationships are the anthesis.*Our system is screwed up.Edit: Added picture

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 06, 2025, 11:59:53 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 06, 2025, 11:09:43 pmMmmmm, chicken tikka masala ...(Dunno if she cooks that, but if she does, mmmmmmmm ...)I once had that dish regularly for about 6 months because a Paki restaurant owner owed me money.Mmmmmmm. (But more than that:naan. Mmmmmmmmm!)

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 07, 2025, 12:02:26 am
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 06, 2025, 11:59:53 pma Scottish dish

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 07, 2025, 12:06:51 am
content: Quote from: langwadt on October 07, 2025, 12:02:26 amHaggis masala????

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 07, 2025, 12:18:51 am
content: Quote from: Analog Kid on October 07, 2025, 12:06:51 amhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Ahmed_Aslam

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 08, 2025, 01:27:44 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amit somehow reminded me of this song

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 08, 2025, 10:16:51 am
content: Quote from: NiHaoMike on October 05, 2025, 01:05:34 amI'd say: tell her to get help with her mental health issues.QuoteRun away!

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 08, 2025, 02:21:18 pm
content: There was something someone said about women and guano.

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 08, 2025, 11:05:03 pm
content: Meeting a girl with known mental issues is very common. The odds of finding one without any mental issues are about the same as winning the lottery while riding a unicorn up a Romulan tractor beam. Very rare and a keeper.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 01:29:13 am
content: QuoteHere in the EU, according to statistics, for the female population, 1.7 out of 10 is a diagnosed mental case. They added that the real number of mental cases is probably higher. For the male population, the number of mental cases is slightly lower and 1.5 out of 10. But it is well known that man must perform more acts of stupidity before being registered as a mental case in need of a straight jacket.So, on this forum, if the statistics are a valid for the world population, at least 15 % of man on this forum are mental cases.I see some extra revenue appearing for Dave: EEVblog straight jackets. I want one of course. (To do the weekly grocery shopping)But perhaps the percentage of mental cases on this forum is much higher because admit it: developing hardware and software is something for real masochists. Most people run away crying after ten minutes.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 01:52:19 am
content: Very minor point: it'sstraitjacket.* Your Helpful Spelling Bot *

author: TimFox
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 03:40:45 am
content: Another literary reference, from Nelson Algren'sA Walk on the Wild Side(1956).He quoted three rules for life:"Never play cards with a man called Doc.Never eat at a place called Mom's.Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own."

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 03:59:51 am
content: Quote from: TimFox on October 09, 2025, 03:40:45 amAckshooly, I can do a little better than that, Tim: I read that book not long ago and copied down the quote in full:QuoteI'm guessing you might like Algren, because Chicago.Never Come Morningis him at his bleakest but also most descriptive of that North Side setting.And of course there'sThe Man with the Golden Arm.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 01:06:35 pm
content: Quote from: TimFox on October 09, 2025, 03:40:45 amTim, thanks for this quote! On wikipedea:"Algren noted, "The book asks why lost people sometimes develop into greater human beings than those who have never been lost in their whole lives. Why men who have suffered at the hands of other men are the natural believers in humanity, while those whose part has been simply to acquire, to take all and give nothing, are the most contemptuous of mankind."Hitting the nail on the head. Similar, books by Dostojevski like Crime And Punishment or The Brother Karamazov describe in great detail the downfall of those with an attitude.

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 02:34:17 pm
content: temperanceQuoteOf course, it was only a joke.I read a good quote when studying psychology. "The only people who are truly crazy are the ones who think they are not in some way".This seems to hold water and the more certain a person is their perspective is the only correct one the more deluded they become.

author: UnijunctionTransistor
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 04:02:09 pm
content: As the Steppenwolf song, “For Ladies Only”, sang:How many times did you say to yourselfThat woman is the devil's tool?Somehow you knew that you blew it againAnd didn't wanna look like a ravin' foolBut when you need affectionYou go to her with a smilin' face….

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 04:15:38 pm
content: I understood that, hence the exaggeration. But it triggered my curiosity to look up some numbers. Those numbers are in my opinion very high.

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 04:50:36 pm
content: temperanceQuoteIndeed, say 15 to 20% seems very high.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 05:38:17 pm
content: Quote from: Electrodynamic on October 09, 2025, 02:34:17 pmMy own variation of that is this:The most dangerous people are those who believe their own propaganda.

author: NiHaoMike
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 09, 2025, 10:03:41 pm
content: Quote from: Electrodynamic on October 09, 2025, 02:34:17 pmIn other words, climate change deniers and flat earthers. Oddly enough, I haven't encountered either of those while online dating, so most likely they're far less common than it seems.

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 10, 2025, 12:13:09 am
content: NiHaoMikeQuoteIndeed, most social media tends to highlight nonsense by pretending it's normal. If fact, only the mentally retarded (Having a mind which has not developed beyond that of a child) would believe the Earth is flat. Good news, we know these people are out there, do exist, and should be avoided. No mystery and many people with no education in 3rd world countries or those in the past or living in the past believed similar things.It begs the question, do we want to move forward and make progress or live in the past?.I don't blame them and I am old school, growing up in the 80's as a teenager with total freedom was awesome. I had a cool girlfriend, an old 74 GM pickup truck with a loaded rifle behind the seat and a 40 of rye whiskey right next to it. The best of times but those times are not the reality we live in today and to think they are is deluded.One memory which sticks with me is when we moved to our present acreage. Me and my 12 year old son were going fishing at the lake 15 minutes away. I popped my seat belt off and cracked a beer and he did the same and cracked his pop as I proclaimed this is why we live in the country, it's our freedom of choice. I'm sure these moments with my son, like similar moments with my late father will stick with him forever. The freedom of choice is all and any contrivance in the name of security is always misplaced in my opinion.

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 10, 2025, 02:38:37 pm
content: Years ago my wife and I concluded that 99% of the human race are assholes (as defined by us). BUT, 1% of a big number is a big number. So, you can't shut down.Figure the person you meet is going to be a jerk and you won't be shocked. When they turn out to be a human bean, you will be very pleasantly surprised.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 09:37:51 am
content: QuoteI kindly request a list of criteria so we can improve our unhumanness.

author: Siwastaja
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 09:48:21 am
content: Quote from: watchmaker on October 10, 2025, 02:38:37 pmThat likely means you are the assholesMe and my wife have much better faith in the society around us. Maybe, dunno, 5-20% assholes?

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 11:20:54 am
content: Quote from: Siwastaja on October 11, 2025, 09:48:21 amSame here. Maybe watchmaker lives in a bad area.

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 11:40:25 am
content: Quote from: temperance on October 11, 2025, 09:37:51 amEasy.People who criticize others to make themselves feel better.People who want government services without paying taxes,People whose hobby is acting like a troll on the internet.People who stand by while someone hits a kid.People who take advantage of drunken women (look up Tailhook scandal)People who cut in line or cut off others in traffic.People who use religion to cheat others not in their congregation.People who promote child porn, etc.People who promote war as a solution without considering what it does to those directly involved.People who promote/support genocideand the list goes on.There is a reason why the older you get, the more circumspect you become. It is called experience.But like I said, and has been ignored so far, 1% of a big number is still a very big number and you cannot shut down.On that note:We work with those who support others with food insecurity.We work with those working on forest health in New Hampshire.We work with those promoting education and future opportunities for students whose parents life experience is limited.And again, the list goes on.Both of these side of the coin can be found on this very list (and thread). Suggested reading: Desiderata.

author: temperance
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 02:36:42 pm
content: QuoteThat's a start, but you apparently left out the worse cases.What has always struck me is the cognitive disconnect you can see in people. Everyone has that to some extent. You will not kill a cow when asked. But perhaps you like some fine grilled steak in the evening. But some people display a mismatch which is hard to understand. An example are mafia members who go to church every week praying for their lost family members, able to shoot a man passing by the church twenty minutes later for revenge. Or soldiers crushing trough villages raping women before they are shot, with husbands and children forced to watch before they shoot them as well, while many of those soldiers have a family and perhaps have a wife and children. Priests raping children. But it seems nuns are worse in abusing children in every possible way mentally and physically (corporal punishment and genital mutilation. Not that long ago. Or taking babies from unmarried young women and selling them with the paper work done such that nothing can be traced) in the name of some invisible man who according to some of those nuns gave them permission. I wonder what some invisible man whispered in those devoted ears while praying or was it preying.

author: Siwastaja
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 03:01:35 pm
content: * People who criticize others to make themselves feel better.Maybe 1% who truly do thatonlyto make themselves feel better (and not to help); and consistently. We all have bad days.* People who want government services without paying taxes,Many are conditioned to that. They justdon't think. They are not bad people fundamentally, just misguided. Maybestupid, but not assholes.* People whose hobby is acting like a troll on the internet.Rare enough hobby not to matter in the big picture. Say, 1%.* People who stand by while someone hits a kid.Ignoring difficult edge cases, maybe 1%* People who take advantage of drunken women (look up Tailhook scandal)1% if even that* People who cut in line or cut off others in traffic.1-2%* People who use religion to cheat others not in their congregation.Not too many, and again, some just misguided, not evil.* People who promote child porn, etc.0.01%* People who promote war as a solution without considering what it does to those directly involved.Can't say anything to that. Oversimplification, cannot be generalized. War is complicated and case-by-case. True war fans <0.01%* People who promote/support genocideGeneralized, again <0.01%. In real world, it's complicated.And most of those would overlap. >95% of people do not significantly/seriously/consistently hitanyof your bullet points. IMHO.QuoteOh, so you are collecting "nice person" points. You better be careful, these positive ideas are unfortunately very easy to manipulate; road to hell is paved with good intentions. But I'm sure you have done your homework

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 11, 2025, 04:50:14 pm
content: Quote from: Siwastaja on October 11, 2025, 03:01:35 pmIt is touching, and even cute that you are so concerned about me. But two posts ago I was an asshole that had a very unhappy existence. And now I am a babe in the woods. I am confused.

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 09:21:20 am
content: We are all animals and the thin veneer of "civility" is only a few square meals away for bursting into anarchy.All genes are selfish. Humans work collectively only when it suits them to do so.So start from there and give people points for not being as bad as nature would have them otherwise.

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 09:23:24 am
content: This is my 5000th post.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 10:15:37 am
content: Quote from: paulca on October 12, 2025, 09:21:20 amThis is incorrect, though innate badness is a popular notion in religions to improve sales. Humans do not survive alone or as a pair. We are necessarily a social species for survival. Our genes "know" that hence some basic behavioural traits of initial trust, social bonding and ethics of fairness.

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 10:43:34 am
content: Quote from: kite31 on October 12, 2025, 10:15:37 amFair. I'd be more worried about how today's domesticated humans adapt back to the wild. The transition period is likely going to be tough.For at least a while it will come down to the better armed and better supplied unfortunately. "Walking dead" series comes to mind. And for some reason Africa comes to mind. The "Four horsemen" seems to be doing a tour of the regions over the past century. If I am not mistaken the whole point of the myth is that they (FHM) tend to roam together.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 11:05:19 am
content: Yes, co-operation deteriorates under stress, especially when people do not yet comprehend how bad is their situation.

author: jpanhalt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 11:26:38 am
content: Beneficence is the term applied to human behavior that exhibits kindness and help without reward. At one time, it was thought to be unique to humans, but dogs and other animals have been shown to exhibit it too. The Google AI definition seems is a bit too narrow.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 12, 2025, 01:27:25 pm
content: Quote from: jpanhalt on October 12, 2025, 11:26:38 amYep. Not that long ago I saw a video clip of an elephant resqueing an antilope which had fallen into a pond.Veritasium touches on the human co-operation subject in this video (from 24:00 ):

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 13, 2025, 05:47:13 am
content: Quote from: Siwastaja on October 11, 2025, 03:01:35 pmIn reality, it’s far more complex than that. Based on my observations, around 5% of people actively support genocidal ideas, though they rarely admit it openly — instead hiding behind rhetoric about patriotism, national security, or cultural preservation.What’s more concerning is that social and psychological research shows that up to 70–80% of the population can passively go along with such ideas. The reasons vary — from lack of understanding and exposure to propaganda to fear, social pressure, or conformity.History and experiments in social psychology (like Milgram’s and Zimbardo’s) consistently demonstrate how ordinary people can end up justifying or even participating in atrocities when they’re framed as “necessary” or “for the greater good”.If you recall Germany between 1933 and 1945, the majority of people did not oppose, and in many cases even supported, such ideas. This doesn’t mean they were inherently evil, it simply illustrates how easily most people, roughly 70–80%, can be drawn into the carefully woven web of evil. We are witnessing the same pattern today. What’s striking is that many people don’t even realize what is happening — by supporting such ideas, they genuinely believe they are standing on the side of good and righteousness.Consider Julius Streicher as an example. Those who spread and defending hatred and evil rarely foresee the consequences. They may believe they are defending “truth” or “justice” and "government", yet history reminds us: the path of evil always leads to downfall.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 14, 2025, 09:42:52 am
content: Quote from: Siwastaja on October 11, 2025, 03:01:35 pmThat's entirely culture based. Some countries are massively different.

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 14, 2025, 11:18:42 am
content: I completely forgot that.I spent a year in Neuchatel and I loved the rules once I got the hang of things. Got scolded for standing in the wrong place at the Post Office.Yes, a lot of what I and others wrote is a reflection of the culture in which we live. I think the Swiss figured out how to create a country encompassing 4 very different cultures. I wonder if the problems faced by many countries today is an artifact that they were created essentially out of a monoculture?

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 02:16:51 am
content: The inherent problem starts with the fallacy... a girl I was dating. Men do note date girls they date women.So here in Canada, if a mofo like trump or his misguided followers tried to grope my wife she would have the intelligence to first kick that dumb mofo in the balls, second to bitch slap them on the way down and third break their nose just to teach the dumb mofo a lesson.Personally, I love the wild temperament of strong willed Canadian women having unconstrained empathy 99% of the time but having this "if you cross me I will rip out your fucking throat" mentality. It may have something to do with our environment and it could be 20C one afternoon and -20C that night. Ergo if your a pussy and cannot adapt you die.It's just weird, I see this stuff going on in Iran, Russia and the U.S. and it makes no sense. My wife is not a possession, not a cow to be bred to bear offspring, not any of this perverted shit many suppose. She is my partner, like that navy seal stuff, we cover each others ass and if if you cross her there is no bridge too far for me mofo.So as a Canadian if these boys want to go a round I'm cool with it. First thing I would do is build this really cool thermal imaging, velocity/acoustic tracking, defense system I have in mind. Not this primate level shit we see in Ukraine, Russia and the U.S. where we see kids with guns spraying and preying. You walk within 1000m of my system and it pops out of the ground, range finds your position, calculates the ballistics, pulls the pin, drops a round in your forehead and well bobs your uncle. So this primate level notion people are just going to run around with an AR shooting stuff is beyond juvenile. You want to go let's go.Why here in the backwoods of Alberta Canada I already designed a non-obtrusive robot. By non obtrusive robot I mean it is not weaponized per say. So it's designed to work around certain Canadian legalities. It cannot be "weaponized" ie. shooting projectiles. However it can run up to you at 100kmh, rip your mofo arms off hence rendering you a non-threat... because you have no mofo arms left. I mean WTF are you going to do with no arms?... wave for help?.

author: joeqsmith
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 03:06:59 am
content: Quote from: Electrodynamic on October 15, 2025, 02:16:51 amI like Scotch too!

author: Electrodynamic
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 03:53:51 am
content: joeqsmithOf course, it's all fun and games for those who know nothing about technology. As a defense expert I talked to recently claimed anyone sitting in a tank is stupid and a sitting duck. Any $500 weaponized drone can take out a million dollar tank without even trying. In effect, a billion dollar heavy industry was rendered obsolete overnight. If you are operating a tank your effectively a dead man.Oh wait, didn't all the dumb mofo's claim education and science is outdated?. Weird how anyone could be that ignorant and misguided. In fact it was science and technology which allowed a $500 drone to literally obliterate any heavy defenses in Ukraine.So this notion of a bunch of primitive misguided people running around with rifles is almost comical. You may as well stamp "stupid" on their forehead and give each of them one one those kids fake fireman's helmets with the red rotating light. Here I am, dumb as a mofo fence post, shoot me.It seems to have gone right past stupid and directly into suicidal. WTF are these primitive mofo thinking?. It's even weaker and misguided than bringing a knife to a gunfight.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 04:13:28 am
content: @Electrodynamic: Your apparent propensity towards violence of various kinds, real or imagined, has turned this thread down a pretty twisted path.Just sayin'.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 am
content: Quote from: watchmaker on October 14, 2025, 11:18:42 amAnd what's wrong with a country having a monoculture?If I go to, for example, Japan, I want to see Japanese people and experience Japanese culture, I don't go there to experience multiculturalism.A huge problem today with immigration in many countries is assuming that people will "integrate". The majority of them of course do not, they seek out similar minded and similar cultured people, and they tend to clump together and form ethno-centric regions within cities and even entire cities and towns in some cases.There is a map of Sydney going viral on social media at the moment that shows how areas divide themselves along ethnic lines. People seem shocked by this

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 05:41:58 am
content: Well, growing up in Chicago, lessee, there was Chinatown, German Town, Andersonville (Swedish town), and many more ethnic clusters (well, except for the Poles who were everywhere). Not sure why that would surprise anyone.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 06:17:08 am
content: The real issue isn’t the presence of different cultures — diversity itself can enrich a country. The problem starts when governments or corporate interests exploit migration for control: burdening the native population with high taxes and restrictions while subsidizing large-scale low-skill immigration, often ignoring crimes or social issues it creates or even using it in their own needs. This creates division and dependency that can then be used for political manipulation and social engineering.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 06:27:20 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 amOn average, it is the third generation which is both part of the culture and understands the changes now wrought in the culture.If you wanted a monoculture, the British should have stayed away. Of course, had they done so then we would actually speak French and not have suffered food purgatory for so long.

author: NE666
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 07:05:35 am
content: Quote from: kite31 on October 15, 2025, 06:27:20 amWhat makes you think you're not, at least in part? I take it that Australians eat "beef" and not "cow" too?'British' culture has been massively influenced and shaped by the French, Germans, and Danes and is anything but a monoculture.

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 08:30:48 am
content: I am familiar enough with the several roots of English. Apart from later knowledge I hail from a time when we learned Latin as well as French and German in secondary school. I skipped Greek though my sister got a degree in that for fun.

author: vad
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 09:09:20 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 amTwo things are wrong:Not everything that’s good for visitors is good for the local population. If I take my kids to a zoo, for example, they want to see the animals and have the “zoo experience”. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the zoo is the best place for the animals, especially for intelligent species like apes.Japanese monoculture that you mentioned, is a curious example. It took 20 million civil and military lives and two twenty-kiloton nukes to put it on the right track.

author: Haenk
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 09:31:52 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 amI'd wager a guess - "assimilation" takes several centuries, even simple integration takes decades and probably happens in the 3rd generation.

author: gamalot
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 09:50:47 am
content: I moved from China to Australia ten years ago because I really value the culture and social system here, better living environment and lower stress levels.I didn't come for what people call "diversity".

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 10:03:48 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 amThat is not a new phenomenon. Look at many cities in the US where immigrants clumped together to form Chinese, Irish, Italian, etc neighbourhoods for example.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 10:41:20 am
content: Quote from: vad on October 15, 2025, 09:09:20 amCome on, you now what I mean, no need to invoke that.If I go to France I want to see French people eating snails and baguettes speaking French.If I go to England I want to see English people being quintessentially English.If people come to Australia (I presume) they expect to see Australian people, and hear "G'day mate" in the famous Australian crocodile dundee accent.Insert countless other countries here.The "multicultural experiment" for want of a better term in the last few decades is drastically changing the dominate culture of many countries. You don't expect to see 100% native people in a typical western country, most generally have a decent percentage of diversity. But you expect to see predominately the stereotype, which is what I really mean by monoculture in a practical sense. i.e. overwhelmingly the one culture.Last time I went to London I arm wrestled an English punk in Trafalgar Square, the experience was everything I imagined. Today I'm warned not to go to London at alland I hear it's now dominantly non-English.Australia has always been decently diverse, especially in the major cities. But if you come to Sydney and go to certain parts or hop on certain trains, you might think you are in mainland China for example. I've been on trains here that are 95% asian.

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 11:07:27 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 10:41:20 amHonestly, when I think about visiting Australia, I don’t really imagine people saying “G’day mate” — I mostly think about seeing kangaroosI’m not even sure how easy it is to actually see a kangaroo in Australia, but that’s still the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the country.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 11:17:45 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 10:41:20 amCultures change. Only a couple of hundred years ago you'd be greeted by Aboriginals when visiting Australia. While a visit to Amsterdam would have given you about the same experience as nowadays. The red light district is still there hundreds of years later

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 11:43:52 am
content: Quote from: radiolistener on October 15, 2025, 11:07:27 amSydney is so urban it's hard to find one in the wild in the Sydney basin (40-50km radius of opera house). But if you go outside that to specific spots it's easy.I drove my Amp Hour co-host Chris Gammell from Sydney to Canberra, and we only saw dead kangaroos along the way, and he was bummed. But when we got to the Deep Space complex there was suddenly a paddock with a hundred of them.

author: EEVblog
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 11:45:00 am
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 15, 2025, 11:17:45 amStill possible, depends on where you go.

author: NE666
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 11:48:07 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 10:41:20 amSadly, syndicated reality TV programs have made us Europeans realise that the first thing we're going to hear upon arrival at the terminal is Asian people trying to explain why they've answered "No" to the question "Does your luggage contain any parts of dead animals?", when their luggage clearly contains parts of dead animals.

author: watchmaker
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 12:37:23 pm
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 05:38:21 amAs far as country governance, I was not making a value judgment, just an observation. The US and Australia were established by malcontents and disaffected from the UK (NOTE I did not say settled!! And I am referring to the establishment of government as we know it today). The Netherlands, Japan, China, Italy, etc the same. Switzerland is the best exception to this that I know. I am sure there are others.You can clearly see how politicians exploit the existence of multicutures w/in a political entity, down to the county level within the USA. They play the needs and wants of one culture over another rather than serve the community writ large by looking toward the future. This is no longer about accommodation and assimilation; but about how to keep the politician's elected position.In other words, most existing governments are poorly situated to deal with global migration; from African countries to the USA. I think you hit on something. And, as in my Neuchatel example, I think part of the answer lies in clearly defined expectations that ALL citizens follow and enforce in a civil manner (NOT saying vigilantism). Might be too late though. I do not have a great deal of optimism on that front.

author: joeqsmith
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 01:21:32 pm
content: Quote from: Electrodynamic on October 15, 2025, 03:53:51 amI tend to drink in small quantities.

author: SiliconWizard
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 01:38:20 pm
content: Quote from: nctnico on October 15, 2025, 10:03:48 amOf course, and this happens for a simple reason: when a large enough number of immigrants arrive in a given area in a relatively short amount of time. They have no time to integrate and choose the path of least resistance, that of making same-origin groups.This isn't new now, but this was a rather new phenomenon in the US. In the "modern" world, looks like it's the US that started this phenomenon. For another simple reason: that's how the US was built.This model doesn't work well the more established a country with its own culture is. For pretty obvious reasons.People can change over time, but they can't constantly "reinvent" themselves: that makes no sense. That would mean having no values, no culture, no backbone. Yet, this constant "reinventing oneself" mantra seems to be at the core of current policies in western countries, with the results that we are observing. No need to say that I don't think people pushing these inane policies have the people's best interest at heart.

author: paulca
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 02:05:08 pm
content: Australia? No thanks.I mean literally everything wants to kill you out there.

author: BradC
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 03:36:32 pm
content: Quote from: paulca on October 15, 2025, 02:05:08 pmI wouldn’t worry. The spiders have eaten most of the snakes and the plumbing was revised to prevent sharks making their way up the sewers. The biggest issue I routinely see with visitors from the motherland is they can’t handle the size of the mozzies. Apparently when they require nav lights they’re too big.Oh, and of course the koala. Otherwise known as a bad attitude wrapped in fur and sporting razor blades for nails.

author: NE666
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 03:42:01 pm
content: But how's it going with the drop bear problem?

author: BradC
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 03:46:49 pm
content: Still as vicious. Really just a psychopathic Koala.

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 06:01:00 pm
content: Quote from: BradC on October 15, 2025, 03:46:49 pmI wonder if drop bears really existed. I've read they're an aboriginal folk lore, which might've been a now extinct large, aggressive, carnivorous marsupial.

author: NE666
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 07:02:06 pm
content: Quote from: Zero999 on October 15, 2025, 06:01:00 pmThat's exactly what they want you to think.

author: metrologist
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 09:27:53 pm
content: Quote from: joeqsmith on October 15, 2025, 01:21:32 pmWell, I quit drinking for good!Now I only drink for evil

author: kite31
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: October 15, 2025, 09:53:50 pm
content: Quote from: NE666 on October 15, 2025, 07:02:06 pmSadly, what is extinct is the Demon Duck of Doom.https://australian.museum/learn/australia-over-time/extinct-animals/dromornis-planei-bullockornis-planei/

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 12:08:51 am
content: Quote from: EEVblog on October 15, 2025, 10:41:20 amWelll, if you go today you might be able to arm-wrestle a Paki person or similar. And since you look to be in pretty good shape, judging from your videos, you probably have a fair chance of beating them. At least you'd have some decent matches.

author: Cyclotron
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 01:36:33 am
content: Quote from: metrologist on October 15, 2025, 09:27:53 pmHard to imagine now, but I didn't drink for 11 years once. Then I turned 12.

author: Bud
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 02:30:27 am
content: I support you with my diet policy! I do not eat after 6pm. I only eat after 7pm.

author: Analog Kid
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 03:26:46 am
content: Quote from: Bud on October 16, 2025, 02:30:27 amMe, I'm on a seafood diet ...

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 07:35:20 am
content: Quote from: kite31 on October 15, 2025, 09:53:50 pmI thought it was theMarsupial lion (Thylacoleo_carnifex).

author: MadTux
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 12:41:57 pm
content: And you are the prime suspect?

author: radiolistener
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: October 16, 2025, 01:54:07 pm
content: While browsing the news, came across a horrifying story:https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/37021618/fake-modelling-job-slave-killed-organs/a young woman who went abroad to work as a model ended up enslaved and forced to lure wealthy men into online scams. This sheds additional light on the dark side of dating websites: many women involved in such scams aren’t doing it willingly, but under coercion, as captives. Their safety and even their lives depend on the money they bring in, those who fail to generate enough profit may face horrific consequences, including being sold for organs.By visiting or paying on such dating sites, one is inadvertently supporting a system of modern-day slavery. Keep this in mind before you transfer money to women on these sites: the person you believe you’re helping is unlikely to see the funds — those payments are frequently diverted to traffickers and used to finance further exploitation and involve more victims.