When your wife does Not support your home lab... - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / general

author: bjdhjy888
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: August 19, 2019, 11:52:38 pm
content: By "support", I ain't saying "financially support". I pay my parts and equipment with no issues.What I meant was when she's mad at me on other daily issues in real life, she would start to discriminate my electronics hobby and say something like "high school kids can do your lab stuff" or "I'll throw them away one day!".Man, I work on STM32 and IMU. They ain't even close to things that are taught in high schools.Does your family mentally support your hobby, as our eevbloger Dave's wife does? I'd be more than happy if mine does.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:00:54 am
content: purely guesswork but, I doubt the lab is the issue, something else is bothering her and if you don't find out what it is and fix it it'll only get worse

author: John B
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:06:39 am
content: Whether it's a hobby or profession, it is something that takes a lot of skill, time and effort and money to become proficient in. That would rightly give you some pride in your achievement, and is part of your identity. It is then being used as a weapon against you. Pretty low behaviour IMO.

author: maginnovision
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:11:56 am
content: My wife clearly does not love my lab(s) but she would never talk to me like that. I agree this is not about the lab or electronics. UNLESS you're ignoring her for lab time. Wives will get very angry if you ignore them, they don't care why.

author: KL27x
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:18:04 am
content: QuoteYou could say that about any microcontroller. High schools and even most universities don't really get into specifics. But you don't need formal schooling of any level to use STM32 or any other microcontroller. Theoretical training and degrees really won't help with the technical details or specifics. MIT degree will presumably teach science theory and math needed to understand and design stuff. And screen out stupid people.I'd go so far as to say that learning to use an STM32 in and of itself is a waste of time. Tomorrow, there will be an STM64. There will be a new dev chain. Your technical knowledge will be obsolete. It's what you are doing with the STM32 that matters.QuoteDave pays his mortgage with his "electronics hobby."Use your skills to solve some problems for her. Or to make money. And she'll be happy.Or just spend a little more time and/or $$ on her and/or your kids. Problem will be solved. Guaranteed. Women know how to spend your money better than you do, even if they are not always logical in explaining it. One day you will learn that.

author: SkyMaster
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:23:16 am
content: Quote from: langwadt on August 20, 2019, 12:00:54 amlangwadt is correct. The lab is not the issue. Your wife is discrediting your hobby because she knows that will get into you.You need to find, with your wife, the real issue(s) and find the correct solution, with your wife.This is now your mission; good luck.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 12:40:15 am
content: As others have said, you've got issues beyond your hobby. You need to either get some counseling or find a different wife that is supportive of your interests. My partner doesn't give a rat's ass about engineering but she would never belittle my interests like that. If she did she'd have been out the door a long time ago, life's far too short to spend it with someone that's just gonna rip on you all the time.

author: ivaylo
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 06:18:36 am
content: Sorry to hear, this sounds tough. Very brave of you to share too. What the others say, your hobbies aren’t probably the reason. If you can’t figure out on your own but love that person, I hear therapy helps.

author: magic
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 06:27:03 am
content: Quote from: james_s on August 20, 2019, 12:40:15 amThat could become a hobby of its ownQuote

author: GreyWoolfe
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 03:29:37 pm
content: Thankfully, Mrs GreyWoolfe and I have enough marriages between us and enough time on the clock together that this kind of nonsense never happens. Probably because we learned long ago the importance of communication. We never stay mad long, always talk it out and the make up sex is usually quite interesting. I agree with the others. Please have a sit down and an honest heart to heart talk with your wife. You both really need to get to the root cause issues and fix them. Divorce is not fun.The only issue I have had regards to the hobby was her taking extreme offense to the lingering smell of a tek tube scope that released some flame and magic smoke. She made me put it out on the curb. I really can't blame her, the smell lingered for quite some time and I had my office door open so the smell made it into the house.

author: Galenbo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 04:35:27 pm
content: Quote from: bjdhjy888 on August 19, 2019, 11:52:38 pmI always removed that kind of people out of my life, don't need that negativity.

author: Halcyon
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 08:41:51 pm
content: Quote from: langwadt on August 20, 2019, 12:00:54 am100% agree. I have a manager who is like this. When he complains or is critical about something, what comes out of his mouth isn't therealissue at all.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 09:21:25 pm
content: Quote from: bjdhjy888 on August 19, 2019, 11:52:38 pmI'll translate that for you: your wife wants more attention from you. But yeah, it sounds familiar and I make our living using the gear in my lab!

author: rsjsouza
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 09:37:10 pm
content: As others have said, it is a matter of having a conversation about how these remarks hurt your pride and get to the bottom of this. A great part of a man's identity is what they do, not what they talk about or what they feel, therefore this hits our core deeply.I used to have similar scenarios in the past and a great deal of labor was put together by both of us over the past 14 years to have more productive and civil conversations, as well as have mutual respect for each other. We are in a very good state now - imperfect, but good.Thanks for being brave and sharing your struggles.

author: JxR
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 10:10:35 pm
content: My wife's eyes kind of glaze over when I talk about electronics stuff, but she still thinks it's kind of cool. Communication really is the key. She doesn't really need to understand anything more than it's something important to you and makes you happy.Make sure you also respect the things that are important to her and make her happy. Even if you don't really understand those things she is interested in. If she doesn't have her own hobby, then this is really something you need to help her discover if she isn't doing it on her own.Hopefully there is something in your life that both you and your wife enjoy together. Put aside some time for those things even if you rather be tooling around in your lab.

author: Psi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 10:46:17 pm
content: The problem she's expecting you to think like she does, like a woman, who would instinctually 'know' what the problem is.You should remind her that your brain is not the same as hers and doesn't work the same way.If something is wrong she needs to spell it out so you can fix it or nothing will change.

author: edy
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 11:07:45 pm
content: It could also be the perceived mess or perhaps hording or clutter that is an issue.For example, I use my "lab" to fix stuff all the time... stuff that breaks at home, or when I salvage dumpster finds. My spouse is all too happy to use the stuff after it is fixed. But the fact that my lab looks like an absolute tangled mess during the process is a problem. I have to constantly clean it up.Also I will tend to horde interesting stuff or will strip things for parts that I may need in the future. That also tends to be a problem. If your spouse is OCD with respect to tidiness, then you need to keep that lab looking pristine.Other than that, I say you got other issues to deal with.Good luck!

author: Cyberdragon
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 20, 2019, 11:18:35 pm
content: Or you could just pull a Photonicinduction and throw a stink bomb into the air intake and run...

author: David Hess
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 12:56:14 am
content: Tell her you are going to take up breeding snakes, spiders, and scorpions instead. It is always what you wanted to do.

author: langwadt
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 01:16:26 am
content: Quote from: David Hess on August 21, 2019, 12:56:14 amdrugs, alcohol and stripclubs

author: Zero999
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 12:20:44 pm
content: Quote from: Cyberdragon on August 20, 2019, 11:18:35 pmLook at what happened to him. He got divorced, remarried and now seems to have ceased his hobby, or at least putting it on Youtube.

author: Mr. Scram
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 12:24:57 pm
content: Quote from: edy on August 20, 2019, 11:07:45 pmAre you meddling with how she keeps her clothes in her closet too?

author: Jeroen3
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 12:34:37 pm
content: My grandparents knew each other since they were teenagers. She never liked his model airplane hobby and always complains about his "mess" in the garage.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 12:41:43 pm
content: I just remind her about the $5k I dropped on a top of the line sewing machine for her to pursue her quilting hobby.Nothing more is said about my hobby’s and messes for months.

author: jfiresto
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 01:07:35 pm
content: Quote from: tautech on August 21, 2019, 12:41:43 pmI hope that was an overlock machine. If not, I foresee at least a three-thread machine some day.

author: Jeroen3
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 01:07:53 pm
content: Quote from: tautech on August 21, 2019, 12:41:43 pmNah, I don't think statements such as those are going to improve the emotional situation.

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 01:12:48 pm
content: Quote from: jfiresto on August 21, 2019, 01:07:35 pmShe already has one !I wanted her to get the embroidery unit for the flash one and that was a further $1500 but she said she would never use it. Wish I’d just bought it anyway as it would be great for embroidery of our advertising on clothing.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 02:47:46 pm
content: Quote from: Jeroen3 on August 21, 2019, 12:34:37 pmShe should be happy he's spending all his free time on a hobby that typically repels women instead of going out to bars or something.

author: SiliconWizard
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 03:14:29 pm
content: Quote from: David Hess on August 21, 2019, 12:56:14 amSimple, but wise advice.Just make her realize this could be much, much worse as far as hobbies or habits go. If she knows you well and is sure you're bluffing, don't hesitate to start indulging in one of those weird hobbies for real. If she still thinks this is a trick, be ready to up your game. Sell an oscilloscope and buy an expensive terrarium instead (to get ready for a future snake). Once she freaks out, take the terrarium back to the store.

author: Mr. Scram
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 03:57:20 pm
content: Quote from: SiliconWizard on August 21, 2019, 03:14:29 pmThe story of how I quit electronics and ended up with 500 snakes and a divorce? Now that's an interesting one. Settle in, kids.

author: HighVoltage
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 04:05:05 pm
content: There is a saying: "It is never the dirty laundry"Seriously, if you don't solve the real problem soon, you will be most likely looking for a new wife!

author: jfiresto
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 06:00:17 pm
content: Quote from: tautech on August 21, 2019, 01:12:48 pmThat sounds pretty hard core. The closest I have gotten to quilts has been Paducah, Kentucky, a hot spot of quilting in the U.S. and home of the National Quilt Museum. The folks I visit are not into quilts and find AQS Quilt Week rather hectic. So far I have managed to miss it and the museum.

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 06:08:32 pm
content: My other half has gotten really into quilting as well after we inherited the fancy sewing/embroidery ma home that was my grandmothers. Unfortunately we have never found the dongle that goes with the embroidery software and we're not about to spend $2k buying another copy of something we already own. The software for these machines is absurdly expensive, guess I've been spoiled by all the free open source stuff in other areas.

author: HighVoltage
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 06:31:28 pm
content: Quote from: james_s on August 21, 2019, 06:08:32 pmWhy don't you just bypass the dongle?

author: james_s
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 21, 2019, 08:39:49 pm
content: Quote from: HighVoltage on August 21, 2019, 06:31:28 pmIf you can figure out a way to do that I would be eternally grateful. I lack the skills to do so and was unable to find a crack for it, I don't think the Bernina Artista software has a wide enough user base.

author: wkb
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 22, 2019, 02:50:23 pm
content: Quote from: Mr. Scram on August 21, 2019, 03:57:20 pmEh... 501 snakes in fact

author: tszaboo
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 22, 2019, 02:53:54 pm
content: Electronics was here before you, and it is staying.

author: ivaylo
author_rank: Frequent Contributor
timestamp: August 24, 2019, 03:28:36 pm
content: Apparently not a new phenomenon...

author: sokoloff
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: August 24, 2019, 03:38:19 pm
content: Quote from: Jeroen3 on August 21, 2019, 12:34:37 pmMy wife's grandfather has been married for ~77 years (since age 17 or 18). He often notes to his wife that "I never drank coffee before I met you!!"