Testing Tasers - Page 1
Forum section: electronics / testgear

author: brentab
author_rank: Newbie
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 09:51:06 pm
content: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop here in Macon that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 32th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Milly. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL!Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Milly what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, The cat looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'DON'T DO IT STUPID,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY SMOKE OF?. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

author: Creep
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 10:01:03 pm
content: Thanks, this really cracked me up after a rather dissapointing day. Good read.

author: MasterBuilder
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 10:09:48 pm
content: Ha haA 700v fly zpper is bad enough, cant imagine what a full 100 thousand volts is like.

author: bigsky
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 10:18:20 pm
content: You forgot to video yourself for ourentertainmenteducation, so perhaps you could repeat the exercise

author: eurofox
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 10:26:00 pm
content: You can try 1.000.000 VoltsMaybe it will bring you family jewels backNow you are Mr. 100.000 Volts just like Gibert Becaud, maybe you don't know himbut you can find information about him in the wiki belowhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilbert_B%C3%A9caud

author: tautech
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 11:28:48 pm
content: Funniest thing I have read in a long time.+ 10Having considerable experience with mains powered electric fences and a mighty respect for their effectiveness with only 5 kV, there is NO WAY I would consider replicating your test methodology.

author: GreyWoolfe
author_rank: Unknown
timestamp: September 28, 2014, 11:39:36 pm
content: Very hard to type with tears in your eyes from laughing. I am especially sorry about your missing testicles. I hope you find them soon.

author: HighVoltage
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 09:23:21 am
content: What an amazing experience!I think you should have my user name from now on.

author: Psi
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 09:38:54 am
content: i've read this story before, at least a year ago, the OP is just reposting it.Its always a good laugh though.

author: German_EE
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 03:42:23 pm
content: <sigh> Only in America would someone consider giving a taser as an anniversary gift.

author: nctnico
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 03:48:31 pm
content: I feel sorry for the cat:

author: miguelvp
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 05:37:11 pm
content: Quote from: Psi on September 29, 2014, 09:38:54 amSince 2006 if not earlier, at least he changed it from Jesse Ventura to Hulk Hogan, unless he copied it from another copyhttp://www.rense.com/general69/pocket.htm

author: SeanB
author_rank: Super Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 05:51:39 pm
content: Worse is a megger and attach the lead to ground, and the other to a galvanised sheet wall that was being used as an impromptu urinal.Nasty was the office chair which was "modified" by attaching a battery, CDI unit ( the capacitive discharge type with a 400v charge), old car ignition coil and some weaving of thin copper wire through the seat cushioning. Switch was a pair of copper 2.5mm wires strung underneath so they contacted when you sat down in the middle, with a 555 as a 100Hz oscillator to trigger it.Even nastier was doing the same seat mod to the one pickup and attaching it to the coil secondary, and getting the victim to try to start it. Sadistic was leaning through the window and cranking it with him in the seat.

author: LoyalServant
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 07:19:09 pm
content: Quote from: 3roomlab on September 29, 2014, 06:38:41 pmOh at this point that's kind of a must.... take it apartI love how it's built up in the beginning.... great read!

author: eb4eqa
author_rank: Regular Contributor
timestamp: September 29, 2014, 07:58:43 pm
content: I had to explain my wife what on earth was I reading to be laughing this way.You rock, you should start a writing career... and STAY AWAY from anything (even just potentially) dangerous !!Thanks for sharing that, it was fantasticRoberto Eb4EQA