clean_text,is_depression
we understand that most people who reply immediately to an op with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help but this type of response usually lead to either disappointment or disaster it usually work out quite differently here than when you say pm me anytime in a casual social context we have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves we re hard at work behind the scene on more information and resource to make it easier to give and get quality help here this is just a small start our new wiki page explains in detail why it s much better to respond in public comment at least until you ve gotten to know someone it will be maintained at r depression wiki private contact and the full text of the current version is below summary anyone who while acting a a helper invite or accepts private contact i e pm chat or any kind of offsite communication early in the conversion is showing either bad intention or bad judgement either way it s unwise to trust them pm me anytime seems like a kind and generous offer and it might be perfectly well meaning but unless and until a solid rapport ha been established it s just not a wise idea here are some point to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately by posting supportive reply publicly you ll help more people than just the op if your response are of good quality you ll educate and inspire other helper the 9 90 rule http en wikipedia org wiki rule internet culture applies here a much a it doe anywhere else on the internet people who are struggling with serious mental health issue often justifiably have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high level of ever changing emotional need unless the helper is able to make a 00 commitment to be there for them in every way for a long a necessary offering a personal inbox a a resource is likely to do more harm than good this is why mental health crisis line responder usually don t give their name and caller aren t allowed to request specific responder it s much healthier and safer for the caller to develop a relationship with the agency a a whole analogously it s much safer and healthier for our ops to develop a relationship with the community a a whole even trained responder are generally not allowed to work high intensity situation alone it s partly about availability but it s mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue if a helper get in over their head with someone whose mental health issue including suicidality which is often comorbid with depression escalate in a pm conversation it s much harder for others including the r depression and r suicidewatch moderator to help contrary to common assumption moderator can t see or police pm in our observation over many year the people who say pm me the most are consistently the one with the least understanding of mental health issue and mental health support we all have gap in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively community input mitigates these limitation there s no reason why someone who s truly here to help would want to hide their response from community scrutiny if helper are concerned about their own privacy keep in mind that self disclosure when used supportively is more about the feeling than the detail and that we have no problem here with the use of alt throwaway account and have no restriction on account age or karma we all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others these people do want to hide their deceptive and manipulative response from everyone except their victim there are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental health issue if a helper invite an op to talk privately and give them a good supportive experience they ve primed that person to be more vulnerable to abuser this sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone s in a state of mental health crisis when people rely more on heuristic than critical reasoning if ops want to talk privately posting on a wide open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option although we don t recommend it we do allow ops to request private contact when asking for support if you want to do this please keep your expectation realistic and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offer to pm before opening up to them,1
welcome to r depression s check in post a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing if you have an accomplishment you want to talk about these shouldn t be standalone post in the sub a they violate the role model rule but are welcome here or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post this is a place you can share our subreddit rule are located in the sidebar you can also always access them at r depression about rule since all of them exist for important safety reason we ask everyone here to read and follow them please click report on any harmful content you see here we always want to know and deal a soon a we can we also have several wikis there for help with finding and giving support r depression wiki what is depression provides guidance about what is and isn t a depressive disorder guidance on the complex nature of the illness that are usually grouped under the depression label and redirect information for common off topic issue r depression wiki giving help offer information on the nature and value of peer support for mental health issue in general and lot of guidance for learning what is and isn t usually helpful in giving peer support ysk that the type of rule violation that we most frequently see interfering with people getting safe and relevant support here are people breaking the private contact rule you should never trust anyone who try to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here see r depression wiki private contact i m here to help post this show that you don t understand the most basic principle of peer support especially selectivity the giving help wiki explains more about this role modelling i e achievement or advice post this is an expert free zone that s what peer support mean rule we know that internet culture celebrate not just bragging about your achievement but bragging about your good intention nothing like that is ever acceptable here content that s more about making a statement or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support or in a comment giving it rule and 0 off topic post about difficult situation or circumstance including interpersonal loss grief sadness anger and other difficult emotion are not mental illness the what is depression wiki ha suggestion for other place to post about these issue which are 00 valid and serious but inappropriate here,1
anyone else instead of sleeping more when depressed stay up all night to avoid the next day from coming sooner may be the social anxiety in me but life is so much more peaceful when everyone else is asleep and not expecting thing of you,1
i ve kind of stuffed around a lot in my life delaying the inevitable of having to work a job and be a responsible adult and i m but the longest i ve ever held a job wa 9 month it wasn t that i m lazy i wa always doing other thing i enjoy but i know now unemployment ha caused most of my depression recently i just feel utterly hopeless when i think soon enough i ll have to move out on my own in some shitty house working a job i couldn t care le about to me it just seems like the perfect recipe to depression,1
sleep is my greatest and most comforting escape whenever i wake up these day the literal very first emotion i feel is just misery and reminding myself of all my problem i can t even have a single second to myself it s like waking up everyday is just welcoming yourself back to hell,1
i m year old turning soon in a few month i live in constant dread i have no passion no goal no special achievement in my life and never been in a relationship i don t know what i want nor what i m doing in this so called life everything just feel exhausting i cry myself to sleep everyday i also feel extremely disconnected from others i don t fit in even though i try the hardest to be a decent human being i try to treat others with kindness and respect be a good listener help people when they need my help work hard exercise on daily basis take a good care of my appearance but no matter how hard i try to present myself at best i still feel i don t fit in i still feel empty unworthy and unwanted i want to do something that i could be proud of but no matter what i do i still never feel i m good enough even for myself i crave for meaningful connection i want to have someone to share and spend my day with laugh with cry with share my handmade gift with just to see smile on their face someone that feel like home because i ve been feeling homeless all this time i want to feel loved cared for and wanted for once but it s like it s just this idea of meaningful connection that i have in my head i can even barely hold a conversation whenever i try to talk to someone i feel extremely drained i m stuck in this rabbit hole between feeling extremely lonely and not having energy to talk at the same time i don t know i just feel like i m a failure human being and want to completely disappear thanks for reading my long rant i don t have anywhere else to get my mind off,1
i live alone and despite me being prone to loneliness a i find myself to be emotionally needy i seem to have the urge to cut important people out of my life when i get depressed friend girlfriend i feel easily annoyed and judgmental even if they did nothing wrong i can t explain it maybe by posting here i can find some people that can relate it sort of like a feeling of i am better off alone doe anyone else find themselves constantly having the urge to push people away it feel like i am being consumed by depression again,1
i m not looking for sympathy just simply to state why i m done trying to survive i m sitting here in the dark cry my eye out before my th birthday knowing it s the last birthday i ll ever have i m tired of fighting for my life every single day sense i wa i ve been fighting i can t do it anymore i m exhausted this illness ha broken my relationship with people i can t mend and everyone is done with me and i understand i just hope everyone understands why i ve made the decision i have if my husband somehow magically find this i love you more than anything and i m sorry i had to leave this way until we meet again my squishy,1
i don t know how to communicate all of my thought stay inside me instead of telling them to other people like i should my mind simply won t let me i try i really try sometimes and i have so many of them but they get lost my mind is a endless nightmare of thought of despair and hatred towards myself i feel numb and over emotional at the same time and i dont know what to do i feel like a horrible waste of human space stripped down to my bone by my past and my seemingly dim future,1
mom i m sad it hurt in my heart the feeling fall into my stomach i can t stop the tear when they start mom i m sad that i never did anything that i never achieved anything that everything just fell apart i can t get up in the morning i can t focus on anything but the sadness i can t put my clean clothes away i don t have the energy to try i sleep all day because it make time go by faster it s hard for me to try and take care of my dog because that mean getting up my thought race all day about what could have been mom i m sad because i don t know if i can make it i don t know if i can keep going i don t want to break you and dad heart but i think my heart ha been broken for a very long time the fight inside me is starting to slow down everything is turning black i don t know if i can make my way to see the light anymore,1
i ve been struggling with depression for a long time now but i just my first severe instance of depersonalization and it scared me so badly i m not even entirely sure why but something about the fact that i just spent over an hour lying on the floor feeling like my body didn t really belong to me and i might not be real is so extremely unsettling to me i feel more mentally and physically myself now and just trying to process what happened is really difficult if anyone ha any kind of comfort or advice about depersonalization i d appreciate it,1
idk how to elaborate on it i just started suddenly cry for no real reason and couldn t stop for like 0 minute doe anyone else have this problem i m just wondering,1
i tried to help his family abandoned him so it wa really hard to change his perspective im addict too gambling addiction but i will do better i hope sorry just a rant i found about it yesterday his life situation forced him to live in a mental hospital for last year and at the beginning of march he wanted to go to the germany to work a escort march he mentioned that he leaf tomorrow march i texted are you alive yesterday by googling him i found a necrology of him he killed himself march he texted many time to me about suicide thought im so sad,1
to me it seems like an empty meaningless phrase people use like cool but it s not going to help the fact that i m broke can t get out of bed some day and struggling through live now,1
my father committed suicide day before my th birthday i still remember this day i don t really have any memory of him so i m not really sad but for a long time i wa kinda angry at him for letting u alone with a mother like that but i realized some time ago that himself didn t want to be with her anymore and he also had a difficult life i think i m pretty sure he also had depression i feel stupid for being angry at him for so long over something like that i m happy for him now he doesn t have to suffer anymore he s free from his sadness just needed to let these thought out,1
i don t think i have the ball to do it but i ve become obsessed with the idea of killing myself all i can think about is suicide i ve developed a deep and genuine hatred for myself i don t want to live to see another day i don t want to get better bc i don t deserve it i wish i had the courage to kill myself,1
tw suicide yea so my recent symptom of depression wa that i thought i wa really really old i m lol there were numerous occasion where i had to convince myself of my actual age because my brain wa certain i m or had to count year from my birthday and repeat to myself over and over that i m i thought most of it wa because i m seeing a lot of successful people on social medium younger than me and because i m not finished with my uni yet because i m repeating a year but during therapy today i realized that beyond those reason i also had this subconscious plan in my head that i will barely make it past 0 like top and then i will be dead i have no idea where it came from i m not suicidal i don t think i ever wa but my brain seems convinced that by the time i m 0 i will develop suicidal thought and then before i will kill myself no wonder i thought i wa so old i have a little more than 0 year before my deadline lol and that s being generous idk why i wrote this i will probably delete this later i just needed to dump this info somewhere i don t want to worry my friend and family,1
got no one to talk to have no one around i ve been procrastinating on something for so long and i have no idea when i ll ever become serious or steadfast i just feel like a total waste i ve isolated myself which is making me go crazy right now no friend at all i m literally alone now feel like shit,1
i m sitting on my bed alone in my dark room smoking weed looking at the night sky and old photo listening to music i wa listening year ago and thinking about those time when everything wa fine and i knew le than i know right know it hurt so much physically and mentally,1
i hate myself so much for being like that when they re just minding their business sometimes i just see people so casually happy and hugging and being close or just visibly happy in general and i just feel so bitter they don t deserve me being so shitty over their happiness i can t help it i know i m garbage i know i don t deserve to be like them but sometimes i see people hugging and i wish i knew what it felt like to be hugged and cared for like that so badly it hurt,1
i ve been in a bad spot for a long time i ve dealt with a lot of grief a lot of handling shit on my own and trying to keep up appearance but thing took a turn for the worse when i had a traumatic event a few month ago that sent me over the edge i developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since ha been excruciatingly difficult i threw myself into work for about a month and a half i quickly burned out the trigger became an everyday occurrence i wanted help i needed help but i wa afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me those around me could drown me in an ocean of love and i d never feel wet my clothes may be wet but my skin my heart would feel dry a a desert i feel so closed off yet i crave closeness i can t even remember the last few month but from what i can i ve been destructive i ve been in so much emotional pain that i ve unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing is ever good enough for me it s not a conscious thing you see it s me i ve never felt good enough for anyone nor at anything i did these feeling of failure disappointment overwhelm me most day i m 0 without much to show for it this fight to see another day is wearing me out i keep getting knocked down and i know more is to come from life i just don t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind,1
and i m running out of time to decide i couldn t give a shit le about my major about internship about anything i don t know how to fix myself and i can t bring myself to try anything anymore if i manage to survive past the next few year which seems to be getting exponentially difficult i m going to have fucked over my career or myself now i have no good option,1
i m just sick of global society i m sick of the direction we re heading it really feel like neo techno feudalism imho the purpose of society should be to eliminate reduce human suffering and i just don t see that happening i don t see that happening based on the amount of homelessness i see i don t see that happening in term of climate issue and reducing ghg emission amp other pollution i don t see young people being supported high cost of living debt low wage for the u exclusively where is free cheap healthcare for all where is free public higher education where is cheap healthy convenient food where is affordable childcare and the counter i ve heard to these thing have been like oh there s progress being made rent control more scholarship opportunity young people well you should get involved i ve been involved it s so bureaucratic and soul crushing you lose vision of the bigger picture the reason you got involved well just keep at it why tf would i keep at it when i know i m operating in a system that is built against me against my value and then like let s say you get an important piece of legislation passed great it ha no teeth it s not enforceable it ha no funding attached to it it s easily circumvented we have people sleeping on the sidewalk scared out of their mind while jeff bezos amp elon musk are rocketing themselves to space because why not yay rich people fun we have billionaire getting richer in a pandemic why would i be involved when politician i ve admired and supported have been able to accomplish so little or do what i consider to be reprehensible action i can only hope were done so out of political necessity i work a bullshit job that shouldn t exist but i m sure a fuck glad doe because survival but it doesn t align with my value in this environment i don t know if it would even be possible to have any job that aligned with my value which is so frigging depressing what do i want to do i want to help people great government healthcare nonprofit bureaucratic underfunded nightmare i just don t get it i m so sad i m so sad for the needle human suffering physical amp mental like i don t get how any sane mildly informed person would not have depression anxiety which suck i bet you can tell how much fun i am at party,1
seriously help this ha been killing me i feel super down and unmotivated but i also feel fine a lot of time and happy and can laugh my high aren t super high but my low are pretty low but every time i feel happy i always feel like i m faking everything overexaggerating my symtoms and am just a bad person overall i m diagnosed ha this happened to anybody else what do i do,1
i m done et je n essaie m me plus j fatigu de rusher mentalement et m me le psychologues ne peuvent plus m aider a ne peut pa tre r solu j suis in comme a je ne sais pa ce que je fais ici je pourrai pa finir cette ann e inqui tez vous pa inqui tez vous juste plus je peux pa tre aid et je remarque que ma pr sence ne fait que tanner tout le monde je pourrai jamais m adapter penser normalement comprendre normalement et personne n a s puiser vouloir m aider l dedans,1
i have been suffering from what i can only imagine is some kind of fairly severe depression for almost year now i m sorry if this post is hard to read i m new to redit and have been reading post in this sub and it just made me feel moved to share my story to start off my depression started almost year ago i wa in a wonderful relationship with this beautiful girl i had met in highschool and i had moved away to college but i still came home every weekend to see her everything wa going great and then over the course of a few week or month i don t even remember how it really started i just began to get more and more depressed at first i didn t think anything of it i m the middle child of other boy we grew up with a very abusive father until i wa when my mom took u and left and i just always through depression wa something only weak people got and i never fully understood it although now i know that my real father struggled while mental illness and sever depression anyway back to my story every in my life wa going great i had made new friend in college and my relationship wa going great i just could feel myself becoming more and more closed off and lonely even though i wa surrounded by amazing friend and family i began to fight with my girlfriend because she could tell i wa being distant we started to fight more and more the the distance only made it worse when i finally did open up to her all she knew to do wa tell her mother with made me miserable i hated that fact that i thought someone saw me a weak and i started to dread seeing her and her family a couple month into my depression and my girlfriend ha become the only person who truly know how i feel and is the only person i ever confide in then one day a close friend of my girlfriend commented suicide this absolutely destroyed her she became extremely depressed and started to have suicidal thought i then pushed all my problem aside and did my best to help her through her issue i took her to counseling and did everything i could to help her but she slowly got better and wa never the same and now with u both being depressed our relationship became miserable neither one of u were happy and we thought that if we split up maybe we would be able to find some joy in our life again so we broke up in made and these last 0 month have been the worst of my life she wa my best friend and the only person in the world i have ever loved it s gotten easier these past few month but i have lost all joy in my life everything i used to love i have no passion for anymore i m still in college but i don t every compete any off my work i never go to class i hardly ever sleep ill go or night sleeping maybe hour a night then ill just sleep hour straight i find no meaning in life anymore i just feel this giant empty hole in my chest that i can t feel my grandmother died last month we were extremely close and i never even shed a tear the rest of my family wa balling and i wa just sitting there with no emotion i m never happy i m not even sad i just feel absolutely nothing almost every other night i put my pistol to my head just hoping it ll go off because i m not man enough to actually pull the trigger i ve tried to move on and tried to get better i just don t know what to do and i have no one to tell i transferred college so i lost all the friend i had and i m too embarrassed to tell me family i ve read every self help book i can find and nothing doe it for me i just keep praying that one day soon god will take me off this earth because i don t know how to keep living like this i m sorry if this is too long and i know i jump around a lot and everything may not make sense i just wanted to get this off my chest and i m thankful there is a place for me to,1
i f have a lot of personal challenge including depression anxiety ptsd and idiopathic hypersomnia always tired no solution i have been dating my boyfriend m for almost year now and even though he ha no personal experience with mental illness he doe his best to be understanding and helpful when i m falling apart however lately i ve been feeling very insecure in our relationship because i feel like i don t do even half a much for him a he doe for me he doe a majority of the cooking cleaning and laundry especially lately since my mental health ha been declining in the last few month i know that it seems simple for me to contribute more to these thing but it s hard for me to bring myself to do these thing when all i want to do is sleep and distract myself from my depression i have talked to him about how i ve been feeling and apologized for not doing more and while he say he understands i m so scared that he ll leave me because i m a wreck i m trying to budget for therapy but it s looking like i probably can t afford it until may i just don t know what i can do to feel better and start pulling my weight,1
it s so pointless for me to still be alive my life is worthless why am i still here,1
so a a kid i moved around a lot because my dad wa in the military but since my teen i ve lived in the same state and it been a near decade i m depressed and i want to travel and move to other place this isn t isolated i also have dysthymia social anxiety disorder and aspergers i m just wondering cause it s hard to find others who relate to this,1
i m going 9 this year life ha always been a rollercoaster for me consistently an a student till h then dropped out of college due to severe disinterest and had to take care of mother that had stage cancer not formally diagnosed but i m sure that s when i developed some sort of depression after all that i went to work on and off in small bakery without formal training of any kind which is a pressure of it own cooking and baking ha always been my catharsis though which is why i never gave up pursuing this career even now picked it up really well but have gap of missing knowledge since i never went to culinary school wa doing well for a few year there but then the pandemic hit and at the same time my mother went into remission so i had to leave the west coast back to the east to take care of her i love my family don t get me wrong i am more than happy to take of them but we are not financially stable in any sense even before the pandemic so i guess this is where it lead to the present my current rock bottom always thought the low point of my life can t get any worse but here i am experiencing it all over again mom is now stable or a stable a can be so i m back in the west coast and currently have a job working in a hotel in pastry i m pretty good at what i do or at least the thing i know how to do in term of pastry but working at a hotel is a whole different scene and they expect a lot out of you i m pretty sure i m about to be fired because i may be a liability i have huge gap in my work history due to family issue and huge gap in my pastry knowledge because i am only well versed only in what i would consider 0 of the basic employer really don t care about all of this they just want qualified people not your sob story so yeah life ha always been hard for me personally and i feel it s about to get worse if and when i do get fired it ll hit me pretty hard mentally thanks everyone for reading through this entire rant i don t have anyone else to tell this to,1
i feel like i ruined my life by not taking my education seriously during high school i m unemployed and have zero goal in life i m not diagnosed with anything but i suspect that i have social anxiety depression and maybe add i have a really low self esteem regarding my intelligence but i am putting the effort into improving i m watching video and taking note on youtube about topic that i know i missed during high school in a way i do feel proud of myself but i find myself constantly pausing the video to look up a word that is unknown to me word that i feel like i should already know a an adult and i feel stupid and begin self loathing because of it i don t do this with just word though i also do this with just about any topic that i m not knowledgeable in there s just so much that i m embarrassingly unaware of all ranging between the science to world history to economics to politics to mathematics to literature even to basic english grammar there s just so much that i missed and i m feeling too overwhelmed by it all i don t know where to start to make matter worse i feel like i m being timed to learn all of these thing a i said earlier i m unemployed and i m living off of my saving i suppose i could get a job but i lack any real world skill i have nothing worthy to offer to any potential employer hiring me would just be an act of charity then there s also the fact that i m too shy to even talk to people i m afraid to open my mouth because i might reveal how stupid i truly am i have no one to talk to about this stuff because i know i ll just hear response like welp you shoulda payed more attention in school yeah i know that already what do i do now live a long miserable life until i finally succumb to old age well in that case i might a well just end it now there s no real point to this post aside from me venting a little i guess for the sake of asking a question what advice would you give to someone looking to homeschool himself i did graduate from high school btw don t ask me how because i don t know either,1
i have nearly 00 dollar saved a a student working hour a week i spend money on almost nothing but random food rent to parent car payment and gas i just feel like spending money because it feel like it d make me feel better but i still don t wan na do anything any video game i can buy hobby sure all i really want is good company but thats the one thing i can t really get lmao,1
do you have a channel that you resort to kinda feel at home watching especially if they re underground not that popular i feel the loneliest watching out of touch with reality youtubers or heavily edited one with ton of sponsorship and shallow content attitude so i m trying to make a list of realistic authentic one to get to feel better i dislike the b and exhausted method of popular youtubers,1
so i ve struggled w executive dysfunction for 9 year throughout my year of college there wa not one assignment that i did not do the night before it wa due i studied late ate terribly amp went thru a terrible depression a year after graduating i still have a really hard time doing thing in general i stall before i do anything at all amp it oftentimes lead to me not doing the thing at all also i kind of live my entire life on pause only taking care of myself when i have something planned or to look forward to i left my job that i wa insanely good at bc the commitment amp longevity terrified me why can t i function amp what ha helped u work thru these feeling,1
i have suffered depression most of my life ever since i can remember i have always felt something wa off or wrong even when i wa a child i just didn t have a name for it i lived in a latin household so of course whenever i talked about it with someone i wa mostly met with man up it just a phase it all in your head or you are a kid you dont know im now i started therapy year ago started taking pill again this month i don t get any joy out of life i have had friend best friend girlfriend ive been to private island visited many country and met a lot of people im a very lucky person it just saddens me the amount of people that would have enjoyed those experience even more than me but didnt get to do it my parent tell me that they will always support me but all i want is to stop living im sorry if this doesn t fit the general theme of this subreddit i usually don t think my problem is a big or important a any of yours i just needed to vent and have somebody hear me out cause i don t have anyone else every person always end up either leaving or im the one leaving them because i dont want them to have to suffer even a little bit because of me i wish there wa a button i could press to end my existence however for anyone else that is going through what i am please don t stop trying to get better i know you can do it i may not be strong enough but im sure you will win this fight do it for everyone who ha already given up on themselves im sorry for the long post i hope you have a good life,1
i used to be highly functional before but it now i can barely function at all i take everything just to keep myself alive i go day without eating how am i ever going to get work done sometime i think i wa not meant for this world there is something very wrong with my brain how am i supposed to fix it how do you keep on living like this forever,1
i don t know if this is the right place to talk about this a of lately everything seems so lifeless and empty i feel empty i have family and friend who care for me but still have this void inside i don t know i m just so lost i m not used to posting shit like this i m usually an outgoing guy the type that seems happy and make plan with friend i try acting like i m okay but it s draining talking to people feel draining i know i sound like i m bitching but i m just confused i ve also tried doing a new hobby and working out but it only make me forget about it temporarily,1
i ve posted here many time under many different name my cat is dying a of the moment and i can t do anything about it i wish i could take him to a vet but i don t have the capacity to take him there my internship is starting next week and i won t have any money until i receive my first pay check next month it s so hard to see him suffer he s the only one that tether me to this world i wish i could die with him he took me out of depression and i can t do anything for him in return he s the only reason why i continue to fight i continue to feed and make him drink with a syringe he hate it when others do it but he trust me his life i wish i could tell him i m sorry that couldn t do anything i love you i ll have my final interview in an hour i know it s selfish for me to say i wish i get through it when he s the one dying i don t know where else to share it,1
i m starting to lose hope i feel like i m on auto pilot i m not living i m existing,1
i just feel like i ll have depression forever nothing really work at least not for long i m just too tired i don t want to try so hard all the time anymore i don t want to get better i give up,1
i started going to therapy cz i suddenly realised that i m not living and that i m just walking through life they told me i have severe depression and anxiety the thing is i feel like i don t know what s wrong with me i don t know why i m feeling that way even though i fully understand all the problem that i have and i know how they re affecting me but i feel like that s not it there must be something else because if i know what s wrong with me it would make sense that i would be able to heal but that s not working even with pill i don t know what to do,1
it s just a constant reminder that you don t really have any friend seeing everyone having fun laughing hanging out with eachother and then there s me depressing awkward and lonely i fucking hate it i just can t take it every single day being reminded of how much of a sad loser i am,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
i have plenty of people who pity me i often feel like a project to them instead of a person calling me to see if i m okay and then hang up 0 second later when i say i m fine check in on text once in a while it seems more like a task than concern and for the people who don t pity me it seems to me that they re more just people i know than a person to call a friend if i m being honest i m not the type of person to actively seek friend but fuck man i just want a person to talk shit with once in a while but i ve come to realize my mind is too fucked to poison other people so best to leave them be of my presence it s honestly got to the point where my mind is going numb we all know what happens then,1
i just don t have the will to do much most day when i finally do get the energy to be productive it doesn t last any longer than a week i procrastinate all task even the easy one and i can t just can t think straight even one the day i am motivated to be productive i can t focus and i end up being really tired,1
after year of constantly feeling dead inside i m starting to wondering if i ve actually died at some point and i just never realized it like in m night shyamalan s the sixth sense,1
nothing is normal anymore i used to be this happy funny kid and now all i do is silently tear up and think about blowing my brain out like seriously there s nothing else to think about i feel like nobody care i m not going to talk to my father about this and my friend would only agree with me hel i didn t know if i should come here i can never sleep and when i do it s in the middle of class i keep everything inside and i think it s making go insane there s some worse stuff on here so i don t know if i belong here i m sorry for wasting your time,1
there s this idea that people will say you can always count on me never bottle up your feeling share and you do that and everything will be alright the truth is that people will lose their respect for you they ll think of you a a problem and will just feel obligated of half assing some help not worth it i ll just suffer in silence ok,1
wa doing good at the start of the year and i can just feel the darkness over my shoulder i hate this i hate depression when i don t have it it feel like how wa i even depressed then it creep back and i m like how wa i ever happy,1
wa said to me by my mom too the sentence still ring in my mind not because of how much it irritates me but because of how inherently true it is and not long before that she also felt the need to tell me directly that she doesn t care about how i feel nor if i hurt myself thanks for supporting me mom after already struggling with a potent and vicious envy tormenting and tearing me apart from the inside out that nobody besides myself can comprehend the degree of i ve reached a breaking point beyond what i ve felt before living life unable to stop thinking of someone who feel the exact same just better disturbingly similar attribute idea and one particular concept a concept they executed first because unlike me they re smart and put their year of childhood into crafting something awe inspiring something i should ve done by now it all perfectly line up and enunciates all of my shortcoming constant cry nightmare panic attack and many point of a gun to my head i m nineteen and they re a year younger than i am which really tell how close i wa all of these desire and concept too bad they were stuck in a frangible brain like mine so i could only watch everyone similar sprout and bloom into something significant and prodigious something i should have done unfortunately i clearly wasn t meant to accomplish any of that so i ve tried drawing box and figure but in the end i know better how it ll take year of struggling with this before anything i create even resembles anything i want it to be i don t have the willpower to do it nothing to overcome my feeling of valuelessness i ve just wanted to impress people endlessly feeling boring and disposable take a toll on you especially when you see other people very similar to you shining like star and this mean there s technically no more passion in me passion is the heart and soul in the concept of art so there it is i m not capable of true art i can t comprehend true art sure whatever may be unique about me will die with me before any of it could come out but you know what there s a lot of people out there who do it better there are people who s unique idea are more intuitive and inspiring than mine are the artist i envy ha executed concept and idea with disturbingly strong similarity to my own just better and there are many alike him a well so if people would like whatever is unique about me so damn much they can just go to that fucking artist instead the one who didn t fuck everything up the one who could handle the hardship he wa dealt i m done with it all i already tried shooting myself in 0 and failed once i try a second i definitely won t have to try a third,1
i regret backing out of committing suicide pretty often i ve done it three time now overdosed once from the outside i know for a fact i look like a whiny teen i ve been told so many many time i m just tired of relapse i m tired of constantly putting everything i have into being better only to barely get anywhere and then being exhausted i m tired of being yelled at for thing i can t control and being told the same pathetic motivational quote like they ever mean anything i m tired of people praying for me saying i need to ask god for help god wasn t there for me when i wa being sexually assaulted god wasn t there for me when my mom got blackout drunk and beat my sister in front of me god wasn t there when i wa left alone for week because my dad would rather be anywhere else i don t care what people say god isn t real there is no divine protection and there is no savior there s life and death what happens in between is your problem i m tired of being labeled a mental case i m tired of seeing hallucination having flashback and i m tired of feeling manic i m tired of relying on prescription drug to be good enough for society i wish i had done in then because i have thing to live for now i have responsibility and thing that mean something to me it s like a dog having a bone dangled just far enough to where they can t get it i ve come to term that i ll never be what my parent wanted me to be and that my sister took on that role for me at a young age a nurse at dating to marry with a nice house in a nice neighborhood i m struggling to even have the will to get up and enroll myself in community college it s pathetic i work but i work at a sport bar and because of my disability my hour keep getting cut turn out nobody want to hire someone who can t be around many people or loud noise that go into a manic episode if triggered the more i think about what i am the more depressed i get without the medication i d most likely be labeled insane and put in a glorified prison again i take a lot of drug and still see and hear the shit that i do and i don t remember half of my life when i wa off of them i keep getting told that it s my fault by my mom and she is basically begging me to do something but nothing i ever do is good enough so why keep trying i don t know it s not logical to commit suicide at this point but i can t deny that i secretly hope a semi turn my car into a crushed can on my way to work ptsd severe depression crippling anxiety and psychotic disorder are not a good mix especially when you re lucid i don t know if i have a future i ve proven safe for society with reasonable accommodation but at what point doe it even matter anymore the fact that i need a crutch immediately set me apart and people notice,1
m my head wa so fucked up last night i wa in physical pain i live alone parent dead no family no s o i wa just lying in my bed sober and dark thought i can t explain the pain other than it felt like gravity wa working x hard i wanted to go to the liquor store and drown myself in alcohol but somehow i resisted the urge until they closed somehow i wa able to fall asleep for a couple hour now it s morning i guess i survived another night for now,1
the apple app store is filled with themits bad enough to operate this type service through in app purchase some with free trial but when you read the review they are all riddled with example of predatory pricing or the counselor or whatever just completely ghosting them after taking money for a couple session it fucking terrible when you consider how many suicide it will lead to that could have been prevented if they had actual help it pretty disgusting that apple atleast treat them like great top tier apps and ha them in a bunch of their list when they shouldnt be in the store at all sorry just a rant i wish i could suggest decent mental health apps but i have no clue,1
share your story http www dearteenagers org hey friend i hope you re hanging in there i recently stumbled across this online platform that let you post your personal story to it and remain anonymous,1
i suck at literally everything i always have sucked at everything ive tried so many different thing ive put in effort for it to be wasted im just wan na be something everyday im surrounded by people who are all skilled and talented and then there me i cant do anything and i mean anything ive never been good at anything ive always dreamt of it but everytime i try it just becomes a giant waste of time i just wish i could be good at something then id probably start to love a treat myself better it just suck when you re the only person you know who isnt interesting im about to just give up on caring for myself completely at this point,1
i don t really have any actual friend but i also have no motivation to actually make any i just can t be bothered but in a way i m almost scared to feel better again it s like i enjoy feeling sorry for myself or something,1
i thought because everything in life wa good which wasn t true bc of my own delusion i could start opening up to people about me and how i feel all i get is ignored interrupted disrespected laughed at mocked all under the facade of a joke i hope this anger in my heart burn brighter with each day so i will never forget to mistrust people they can t handle to the truth about me,1
i ve had depression since i wa it come and it go but it came back around 0 and never really left just gradually got worse i dont enjoy anything anymore i dont look forward to anything i just wait for the day to end knowing there another one anyway all my day bleed together at this point insomnia doesnt help to where everything just feel like a long long loop my girlfriend of 9 year left me recently it got to be too much for her i wa trying but i guess not enough i only have a handful of friend but theyre either all going through something or dont quite understand how i put what im feeling into word so i dont feel like i can really talk to anyone i use talkspace but even that feel hollow no goal no aspiration i work in a job where there really no advancement im barely able to keep myself standing financially overall i just feel like a loser im i dont connect with people i feel like im just going to be alone forever the last few month pre and post break up i find myself sitting in my car alone in an empty parking lot till early morning talking to myself hoping that something will help but im just talking into an empty void im agnostic i want so badly to believe that there something somewhere that hears me but i know thats just not realistic i ve contemplated suicide several time but im to weak to go through with it too scared i ll screw it up or worse disappointing my family i really dont know what to do it like im just sleepwalking through life i find my moment to distract me whether it going to the gym or focusing on my other venture but at the end of the day it all just come back to this i had everything and i pissed it away like i always do i dont see my value,1
even though i m sure they re slowly inching away whether or not it s my fault i just want a partner a best friend something to make me feel like a first choice instead of a second or third option i m just tired,1
i ve been struggling with depression for basically my whole life i wasn t diagnosed with anything until a year ago but i believe it s been a problem for me for the last year im really getting frustrated with myself because i see where i used to be and the potential i had and so doe everyone else yet i ve been struggling to get out of bed can t commit to school i ve blocked myself off from seeing friend for reason i m not even sure of long story short i m not who i should or want to be ha anyone else struggled with this i know for myself that i really somedays can not get out of bed but is this something that i can control i want to be better for myself i don t want to have these reoccurring thought of suicide and self hatred am i using it a an excuse to be lazy everyday talking to my parent make me feel like i m just being lazy and i m constantly comparing myself to my brother who appear to be doing good in life please tell it to me straight don t tell me everything will get better i need to fix this asap,1
i think this is mental breakdown but over the past few month thing have been slowly building up for me and i seem to have finally snapped last week my daily routine is basically wake up shit shower brush and sit on the pc until i go back to bed i eat whenever i feel like it i know it sound and it a shit schedule but it s like the only structure i have in my life a boring and shitty a it is it s always the one thing i can kinda find comfort and stability in anyways the final thing happened that made me snap last week i now wake up and just kinda sit in my bed for a while brush my teeth go walk outside for an hour and then drive around for a few hour then i come back shit shower and the only thing i have left is to sit on my pc but it is borderline painful to do that idk what it is but i just can t handle wasting my time on the pc anymore i ve more or le ditched my online friend and any game video song that i used to enjoy all day i want to be out of the house a much q possible and dread the place that i ve spent so much time in comfort i dread going back to my safe space and wan na avoid it for a long a possible,1
i know not many people will see this or probably care but i have no one or at least no one who ll genuinely listen a year or two ago i wasn t the best person selfish and careless i wa an alcoholic and a drug addict to deal with everything which i know now wa a horrible coping mechanism but it wa all my year old brain knew how to do a addiction ran in my family i wa hypersexual with no fundamental understanding of consent because all i knew wa assault i would get drunk and say horrible thing and my action reflected that i know trauma isn t an excuse for everything i did to people i used to call my friend but i swear i never meant to hurt anyone i wa horrible and when i realized how much hurt i had caused i never let myself live it down i couldn t look at myself the same i would cry for hour because i wa a monster that brought trauma to others life i honestly didn t know how to be healthy and i didn t know how to make real friend without making it sexual because that s all i thought people wanted from me i know these are a bunch of bullshit excuse but i don t know what to do i never wanted to be this person i left the school that wa once my haven because of the rumor i can t tell who i am anymore am i the monster they think i am i barely remember anything and i wa always drinking so it s all a blur amp x 00b i m a girl i m and this is where it started i m not going to give my life story just the bit that matter i wa accused of assault almost a year ago now with many other claim that had to do with my toxicity the original person who accused me and i had dealt with it privately and she had recognized that i wa extremely drunk when it happened and the lack of communication on both end honestly i have taken accountability for the fact that i shouldn t have drank underage and made her uncomfortable i remember bit and piece of that night some of it i can t even put together in my head but i realized that my behavior wa unacceptable and it wasn t okay not okay in the slightest but it got out to my whole school rumor began and people i had past romantic and sexual relationship with accused me of either assaulting them or being toxic i left the school and sought a lot of therapy but the rumor have entered my life in a more public setting i don t blame anyone i wa honestly a piece of shit but i know everything wa consensual but now i m not even sure of anything i think i m a monster i don t know what s real and what isn t i wa manipulative and a downright horrible person but i ve done everything i can to change and apologize but i can t seem to do it right i want to take accountability and be better but also want my name out there on the internet associated with these thing my parent don t deserve this i want to be able to be normal again but then i realize my life ha been normal i ve always through trauma my life is basically one big thing of trauma whether i realize it or not i m so sorry i really hate myself for hurting the people i did i don t want pity and i know nothing i can do can fix my reputation i don t even think i deserve it i really think i should just kill myself i think that d give the people i hurt peace of mind i don t think i deserve to live this life i m really sorry i know you ll judge me too but i promise i m really trying to be better and to help people i m not sure which perception is real theirs or mine i m broken down and i wan na be a kid again with my favorite stuffed animal maybe just take a nap and then i ll wake up and be okay,1
i used to be quite smart aced everything in high school had best result from my school in maturity exam european equivalent to sat used to do extra curricular shit like attending science fair going abroad for competition and shit used to play the piano play sport i wa in a pretty good shape etc i did well even during my first year of college then covid happened i stayed home got lazy played video game all day kinda stopped taking school and friend seriously year later and i am still in a slump i somehow managed to not drop out but nothing interest me now i dont want to do anything nothing make me happy most of the time i am alone and just sit in my room and watch video or play some shit while procrastinating my duty my grade got worse my back hurt i lost my shape can not run for more than minute my sleep schedule is all over the place i stay up until am and i either sleep like hour a day or hour all the time i am thinking about how i peaked in high school and am just wasting my life now i dont cry or anything a i wa never really in touch with my emotion so i dunno if this is depression burnout or what i just want to not feel like a piece of shit all the time i used to have high standard for myself now i cant seem to reach the bare minimum in order to exist normally doe anyone feel the same how do i get out of this state of mind,1
so many mistake every decision made wrong so many wasted opportunity so much brutality so much evil so much sadness so much loneliness so much failure so much betrayal so many addiction so many false hope too many failure to bear how long can my heart beat with this suffering how long until i give up,1
lately all i basically is sleep i just don t have the energy for anything else these day i wa told i need more intensive treatment but i just don t have the energy for that a sad a that sound lmao i just want to end this,1
i just hit something hard i mean i ve been numb before the loss of feeling ha even killed relationship but after the breakup of the best bf i ve ever had numb ha been more common keep in mind it s been abt a week so far well lately with how he s acted and everything and because he even said so i thought we had a chance to work again in the future we broke up because he is suffering mental issue well today he told me he actually lost feeling i also had a small issue with a close friend over lying and smoking and i flipped all my past trauma clicked in right there all the past ex and friend and just people who lied and left me it all hit again which it s crazy to me he triggered it but maybe it s because of the connection i once shared with him but hearing that he lied when he said a couple day before that he still loved me and just wa struggling at the time and all the little flirting and care he s shown feel so contradicting to the point everything clicked off i cried it all out and the emotion wont come back but not even the emotion feel gone i feel like i lost my soul like i wa just blackout drunk my whole life and i just woke up and only recall blurry scene from my life and it s all gone i ve distanced myself from a few close friend and rn only have my bsf and sister im really talking to i cant tell if i fucked up or what but it all is so hazy and confusing i lost whhat im doing and idk what this is or what to do to somehow bend up a better person out of this it s awfully terrifying and it s making me so light headed,1
lately i ve had very strong feeling of hopelessness like i m just wasting my life away i don t want to be around people most of the time i purposely try to avoid social situation i also noticed that if i m feeling an emotion such a anger i can feel it throughout my entire body i m tired of isolating myself and feeling like my life isn t worth anything i ve had thought of not wanting to be here anymore but i know that i won t act on it i hate feeling this way and i don t know what to do to fix it i ve gone to a psychiatrist but i feel like they don t really listen to what s going on and they are more worried about the medication i m taking if anyone ha any suggestion or natural remedy please share i m tired of feeling this way,1
getting out of bed every day feel like a pain i feel like rotting in my bed all day even completing minor task make me feel drained and lethargic i m not sure who i am anymore i don t have the energy to talk to anyone yet i m desperate for love and affection i m trying all i can to cry but it s not working could someone kindly tell me if i m depressed,1
i swear i can be doing so good doing well with my exercise with my nutrition just overall doing well in life but then that little fucking voice come back and tell me i can t do it it s a little voice but it s so fucking loud i can t keep letting it get the better of me but it s so hard sometimes i just wish i had someone here to keep me grounded but i have no one i wish i wa loved enough for people to check up on me but no one care about me fuck this stupid fucking mental disorder,1
i don t know how to answer the question do i tell them i hate everyone and everything and want to die do i say eh and invite fake concern do i just keep exhausting myself by keeping this mask on and go along with the stupid i m okay small talk do i play it up with im doing great and keep pretending that nothing is ever wrong i m sick of all of it i ve just started staring people with a shit eating grin until they get uncomfortable whenever they ask this dumbass question,1
i am a male who should be having the time of his life in college meeting new people getting a degree experiencing all that life ha to offer in reality i dont want to be here any more i feel that i am in people life to help them through their stuff and then one they re fix im out of their life i feel like there are maybe people in the world that would miss me if i wasn t here i feel like everything i do on a daily basis is to keep an appearance that i want to live and that i am doing thing for me i have never been this close to just accepting the fact and just not waking up tomorrow i know it might hurt some people that i know but i am dont suffering in silence and i am done with this facade that i have to keep up every single day of my life my life feel like it is on repeat the same thing happen and i dont feel anything besides not wanting to be here i dont feel emotion like others do i can go from laughing like im about to cry to a straight face within second i dont feel sadness i dont feel happiness like others i am in a constant state of numbness i dont want to play this game anymore im done with it there no one i trust that i can share this with and no one in my life truly understands this,1
another day i do not feel alive i do not feel like i matter i do feel like i am in the way and i do feel like my dream are my only escape lately i have had more anxiety or stress dream tho last one wa about the world ending and everyone rich enough could get a ticket to go on lot of huge spaceship ticket price wa low enough for my aunt and uncle to afford it left without a bother at all for me being alone it felt so strange seeing them board that ship and how little they cared the price wa like 00 000 dollar per person then added in wa pet and i have cat cat cost 00 per cat i could not afford it so i wa left alone just watching ship after ship leaving some malfunctioned and crashed it wa weird watching idk im just tired of feeling alone or abandoned even in my dream and how people dont get how much my cat matter to me they are here for me every day wish insomnia would go away too just another post from a living dead soul sorry,1
nothing in life is enjoyable not to mention that i have like missing assignment i could be doing right now,1
i wa doing nothing and suddenly she just say why did you even live useless maybe i m overreacting but this really hurt me she took care of me since i wa a kid because my mom wa working overseas i wish i wa never born damn this world fuck everything,1
i just can feel it i can t explain it but i can feel it i feel like this is my true self and if it go on i ll lose it,1
last year when i wa i wrote a suicide note before attempting to suicide by overdose i tried to commit suicide because i wa a closeted gay atheist in a really conservative muslim country and family i tried to pray the gay away i endured listening to a lot of homophobia and unfair religious teaching and i couldn t take it anymore i wrote it in arabic translate i felt like my life is unlivable i felt like i wa living a lie i felt like a bomb that it is about to explode at any moment i felt lonely even though i wasn t alone i felt like there is something wrong with just my existence i felt like my happiness will be an unforgivable sin i felt like my truth is a secret that must be hidden this life is cruel and unfair the only place where i can find peace is my grave amp x 00b the overdose wa not enough to end my life i woke up in a hospital and it severely damaged my liver no one read my suicide note yet i am trying to stay alive and hold on to the last hope i have,1
too long to explain but im having an episode rn and it feel horrible day in so far it doesnt ever feel like itll go away i guess i just need some reassurance that this fewling wont stay till i die i just need to know that this feeling will go away soon and i can go back to being happy like i wa before,1
pretty much everyone in my family ha depression or bipolar and i m no exception i m just so worried that it ll make thing worse i m definitely moderate functioning i can go to work and kinda be an ok parent i m not going to off myself even though i have the ideation sometimes but i know life could be much better i might be able to actually do the thing i enjoy in my free time again maybe i won t have the constant brain fog and forgetfulness but what if i end up just feeling numb what if medication make it worse what if i go to a doctor and they won t help i ve never been to a legitimately helpful doctor looking up review doesn t help real talk did medication actually help or make it worse how did it work out for you,1
i just found out my boyfriend is depressed i really want to be there for him but i feel like i ve only been saying the wrong thing how can i be there for him help him and see him get better i m worried it will continue to the point it will consume him i can already see his personality changing and i m scared for the future what thing can i say or do to comfort or help,1
i m not sure of even how to put it into word i m exhausted i ve moved into my own place i ve recently started a new job i m overwhelmed i don t want to die but i also feel like i don t want to exist if that make sense i m trying my best but at this point i feel like my best isn t actually my best i m not sure how to fight these feeling of inadequacy or how to fight off regret over thing i have acknowledged my mistake i ve made and will never make them again but somehow still manage to beat myself up and regret every mistake i ve ever made i hate feeling like this can i just not be tired for one day not be overwhelmed for a day,1
my depression ha been at it worst this year after suffering some significant loss i m going to college in the fall and i want to look forward to it but i cant i chose a state school so i wouldnt have debt and figured i d find a way to pay for it easily all my plan fell through and i only have a couple thousand in scholarship nowhere near enough to cover it i missed so many deadline and screwed up so much because i have no one to help me in my life no reliable adult or friend one of my best friend wa awarded a full tuition scholarship and i want to be overjoyed for her but i just feel so horrible about myself i tried so hard in high school with my grade and music and it amounted to nothing thousand dollar in scholarship is all i have to show for it i cant get any help from fafsa and i have a job but working is horrible when i can barely get out of bed how do i keep going when i have no one to support me and nothing to keep going for,1
now i cant go work in the hospital and enjoy the little fucking thing i do and learn there an all the people i like talking to and i got ta be stuck here for a week with a busted ankle who i dont even know if it will work properly again or not anymore either this year get better or idk but im just tired of every fucking bad this happening to me all the time i thought i wa finally gon na have a job and a boyfriend and turn out the guy doesnt even like me and the manager never called me again at least i wish i had someone that loved me he could come visit and we could talk all night long at this point i really need some cuddle at least,1
not overtly i ve never said the word good bye obviously but i ve begun to try and have good final moment with the people i care about just to them one last time make a nice meal for them have a phone call with someone i haven t talked to in awhile tell people i love them just making the round so the people i leave behind have one last positive memory of me is it overly dramatic maybe but i feel better about what i need to do at least,1
hi idk if anyone will comment and thats okay i just need to talk or something since i m just so tired of my thought and just this worthless feeling i have all the time dealing with depression is no joke and being in a small town suck more since there not many resource or help for me i ve gotten a little help here and there but have just fallen back to being in my room isolating myself i have suicidal thought quite often and worry i might act on them not soon mind you just scared of myself i think of plan on how i could do it i ve written letter directed towards family member and friend before though i keep them to myself i ve self harmed before but haven t for quite sometime though i worry i may resort to that again i really just want help but i have no idea how i can even get it anyhow i thank anyone for reading if you did i don t have a lot of hope left but i guess i m still alive so yeah,1
i know they have good intention but lot of the time they make me feel worse i don t like it when they ask too many question when i withdraw yet when i go to tell them my actual problem they indirectly tell me to get over it and don t think im depressed sometimes it seems like my mood is an inconvenience for them so they want me to be happy so they can be happy it s draining i m tired of them being nosy when when i need to be alone stop asking me to who i m talking to stop asking me what i m doing when i m not doing anything stop looking at my stuff and asking me question stop getting upset with me for being in a bad mood or trying to force me to be happy again i can t this is why i hate socializing with anyone in general it take up too much energy that i don t have and i m tired of having to hide whatever this heaviness i m feeling inside to make others happy i m tired of being the caretaker and human note pad to vent at all day i m tired of putting on a mask and pretending to be happy when i feel like garbage i hate myself i m tired all the time i feel like a failure and a waste of space i just want to be alone i don t want anyone to look at me,1
i got a supporting family a girlfriend who love me more than anything else i ve got friend i ve got a job i ve got hobby i wa born wealthy and had a very good education i ve tried med for a long time psychologist and psychiatrist been to ward but im still just a sad now a i ever wa what am i meant to do what s left i still feel like shit all the time and don t have any reason to there are so many justifiable reason for people to be depressed but i have none of those instead what s even scarier is the idea that this is just innate and always what s in me people say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but in no way is this problem temporary and it doesn t seem fixable either,1
i tried to tell my boyfriend another family member and a few different friend how much i ve been struggling and have been completely ignored i can guarantee if it all got too much for me they d all be the first to ask why didn t she tell u,1
i ve been on mirtazapine 0mg daily for over a month now and seroquel 0 mg daily for just over two week i can t take it i ve been eating everything and making myself sick to my stomach gained weight have strange dream insomnia foggy brain and increased suicidal thought and i ve been more depressed than i ever have before i understand that medication take time to work but it doesn t feel like i have time i have talked to my psychiatrist family doctor and been to the hospital for an adjustment but to no avail i couldn t stick it out anymore so i went cold turkey on them both day ago i know that this is an incredibly stupid decision without the advising of a doctor but i can t handle it anymore i m wondering what should i expect for withdrawal symptom,1
hey reddit this may be long and just me talking about random shit but i just feel like it would make me feel better so a you guy saw it wa my th birthday today and today wa probably one of the shittier day i have my best friend had a pretty bad panic attack today and i chilled with him to comfort him but it made me kinda realize how lonely i am i have friend and a loving family but i just feel deep and dark loneliness during most day i can kinda just ignore it and have mediocre day but most day like today i just think about it i don t want to make it a big deal because my friend is going through some tuff shit right now and i need to help him a much a i can but i just feel like laying down and doing nothing for a while obviously i can t do that with all the homework and exam coming up but i just don t know what to do like i wa saying earlier i just feel so empty when i m by myself and sometimes i feel like a have no personality i feel like people only like being around me when i m high because i m a lot more talkative and just more enjoyable to be around i don t know it s hard for me to talk to people about it because i feel like they might just blow it off or something and my friend deserves all the attention i just feel bad that i m feeling bad if that make sense like my friend is hurting and i feel bad that i feel so empty i m starting to think that life won t have a lot to offer for me i m not suicidal or anything but i wouldn t mind just like disappearing and just chilling on the top of a mountain or something like that i m sorry that this is so long i just feel really empty and it s my birthday i feel bad that i can t be happy for my parent i love them so much and i wish they knew how much i do but i m just feeling really exhausted all the time i don t know sorry if i selfish in this post i don t mean to i just feel really empty when i can think clearly almost like i built my personality around being with people thanks for listening whoever read this it really mean a lot to me,1
typical feeling at bedtime this is a good a it get struggling to remember a time when i looked forward to waking up,1
i return to work after a year of sitting at home with depression in this year i had to have a prosthesis put in my shoulder i am year old because of my past and depression my relationship with my colleague have diluted i ve said and done some bad thing that i couldn t help myself i wa just exhausted i realize that it is also difficult and strange for them but for me it is really difficult i still have anxiety attack daily with two teenager in the house the stress is certainly not gone due to stress i lost my hearing on my right side i got meniere s disease because of it i am sorry that there is no understanding for my situation now i had to have an ultrasound of my shoulder and it turn out that i have calcification it will probably need surgery again which i certainly don t like this would be the th time it s the first time i ve posted something like this anywhere on the internet i just had to write it off i really don t feel accepted in this world it s really difficult thanks for taking the time to read this,1
i wish i could be attractive taller funnier be everything woman find attractive instead i m the complete opposite i ve gotten more and more depressed last few month to the point where i start up depressing conversation so i started to stay away from people or stay silent with friend i m ugly and i ll never be loved and that s not something easy to carry on knowing full well i m and never even come close to a relationship i hope i die soon because i don t want to be alive and alone like this,1
literally a im typing this im sat with my friend just feeling sorry for myself i said i would do something with them a i wanted to but when i actually started talking to them i felt like complete shit i havent said a word in about 0 min and it almost like there just this weird dead air 00 they can hear me typing this and know that it just me being quiet and not any other factor i hate myself in the sense that i agreed to do this but i just feel like a dick for not inputting anything they dont even really know that anything is going on because im too afraid to tell them too much so i just have this horrible feeling that they are starting to hate me and want to make me go away so they can actually enjoy themselves i think the worst part is is that i dont even blame them im really just not fun to be around anymore a i dont find anything overly enjoyable anymore i apologise if my punctuation or my spelling or whatever is off i just felt like i really needed to say something,1
assuming you werent feeling better when you were taking them,1
so i wa badly bullied a a kid until i left high school and that shit ha screwed me up i m still dealing with ramification a an adult it s a factor in my depression confidence issue and i m trying to process what happened to me in therapy i wa talking to my mother and i think what i went through wa a lot worse than i initially thought my mother wa telling me a story of a kid beating me up really badly and i have 0 recollection of it i think the bullying i went through a a kid wa a lot worse than i thought i think i suppressed a lot of the shit that happened to me a a kid and i m kinda freaking out now what else did i forget do i want to know everything that happened to me am i overreacting,1
i feel like i m having a panic attack which i ve had before i m all alone and normally that would be very bad but this time is different i think i might be disassociating or something because i m restless like a panic attack and my heart is racing and my brain is off the rail but i m also completely emotionless i can t even make myself cry or smile or yell or anything anyone know what s happening any word of wisdom or love would be greatly appreciated because this is gon na be a long scary night for me i think,1
i already failed out of college once but i thought i might try again at a community college well i m about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me care a a child i always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at how na ve since i ve been miserable for a long a i can remember why would life magically get any easier i just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which i never really allowed myself to understand wa my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when i wa about year old no wonder i m so fucked up i ve been planning on killing myself before my rd birthday for the past month or so i suppose she ll get what she wanted all along,1
my life wa so promising and happy once that one thing left and i feel like i ll never get my innocence back i ve been on a constant stat of high alert and now i m burnt out i have no motivation heavily fatigued no matter how much sleep i get nothing seems worth it anymore,1
growing up with an absent father and a mother who s always attempted suicide became a normal thing and always used suicide a manipulation threat a mother who s always been depressed and always ha had it worse than the rest of the world i learned to despise anybody that play the victim for long period of time or cry all the time not even going to address the physical abuse part i live accros the ocean from her and we barely even talk i never miss her and i feel like i m sick in the head because of that she destroyed our family all of her kid including me came out pretty fucked up we mom and sibling don t talk to each other and it messed me up pretty badly i mourned grieved and have become numb this happened over the pandemic and since i came out i m currently engaged and have a hard time expressing how bad my depression is to my partner i do talk about it but not about how severe it is i think about ending my life on a daily basis i attempted s in the past and regretted it once at the hospital i don t want to do it but the urge get overwhelming sometimes i hate that i m like this especially because of the impact my mom had on me growing up i feel like it would be so easy to just leave i feel so unhappy in my life i try my best to feel alive but nothing feel good most day i don t even want to wake up i have to act normal it s exhausting i can t stand my partner s sister niece and the anxiety i get every time i have to see them or talk to them or even when i hear their voice they always wanted me out of the picture from the get go because they loved her ex never gave me a genuine chance it s all acting and pretending in front of her and she is aware of it my relationship ha been rocky but we have a deep bond that keep u together i have hope we will get that connection back but for now it s mediocre hoping therapy will help i don t enjoy anything in life and i really want to end it i won t but i really really want to i feel tired from my soul thanks for listening,1
i feel like something is broken in me i do not function a well a others getting up going to work doing my online school all of it is exhausting i cut corner everywhere i can but i m also obsessed with making sure the corner i cut look good on paper i don t actually want to do anything ever i could sit at home all day everyday and do nothing i say i have dream but every time i get some pushback i give up i give myself a pat on the back for doing the shit i m supposed to it make me feel broken and wrong how do people learn the discipline to just get up and do what they re supposed to do everyday how do they just keep going what am i missing,1
i think i m happy i ve just went through a couple of month of sad dark feeling and thought best way i can explain it is a painful emptiness inside of me mentally for most of my life i ve always remember going through these phase it never a on or off switch it just kinda slowly engulf me one day i feel a little bit sad and it start this snowball effect after a couple of month of the constant painful emotionless feeling i keep getting the same thought of just ending myself but today i think i m happy it weird to explain but life seems a bit more vibrant music is touching me emotionally to the point i want to sing i hope today is the start of my happy phase and i really hope it last just a long i m so desperate to feel something again,1
i ve recently been planning out my suicide i probably sound like an attention seeker but i feel really terrible right now i can t get therapy and i have no where else to turn to i wa planning on attempting on the st of march right after my birthday i m so young life s barley started for me i can t handle the stress my parent don t believe there s anything wrong with me and they think therapist are corrupt people all i can do is cry and hope thing turn around for me i live in an average neighborhood middle class but just barley all my parent ever do is complain about money and recently my mom threatening to divorce my dad meaning i ll have to go live alone with my mother who s an alcoholic i don t want to die but i also don t want to live it feel like this is my only option to finally be happy,1
so here we go i am very lonely i tried talking to a lot of people i just can t i leave everything i want i have no idea why i just tend to leave everything and everyone i love my mind is fucked i just sit and overthink for hour in one sitting cant someone kill me already i am just a burden to everyone in existence i want to die pleasee for god sake someone kill meeee at least i wont be a disappointment i tried my best i am done i cant anymore i didnt want to admit to it but yes i am ready to die now i will have a ton of regret but it alright please kill me help,1
i have an awful living situation thanks to college where i live in one half of the country for part of the year and then i move back across the whole fucking country for the next fucking awful i don t have any friend i don t have any passion everything i do is well i can t do this now because i ll be cutting it short by leaving in the summer and i m running out of time to do anything meet people get a job get a fucking treatment i tried doing therapy and i scheduled one week late because there s no fucking spot available and that s one le therapy thing i can go to because i only have two or three month left before i have to drop everything and leave again i don t know why i did this i wish i wasn t here life s just a dead fucking end and i m going to be doing this forever i ve missed out on so much and it just never get better i thought thing would get better by doing this but i wa fucking stupid a hell i m going to be permanently stuck like this because i haven t done shit with my life so far and i m never going to recover from year of just nothing nothing nothing no milestone no friendship i barely know how to function i barely know how to talk to people i can t even hide behind covid a an excuse because this is just what i ve been doing my whole life it s a waste of fucking time nothing,1
i haven t thought about killing myself since 0 yet here we are today year later getting closer to 0 and i m in the bathroom of my workplace and the only thing i can think of is slicing my wrist when i get home i haven t slept in 0 hour and i m seriously considering drinking my pain away maybe i ll puke in my sleep and get done with it i don t care if anyone will cry for me probably will but i m in pain so much pain guy,1
with applying to college i m currently a spring admin freshman college student and i d like to transfer specifically i want to transfer to college out of state i know this doesn t seem like the sub to just ask random people for help with this kind of thing but i just find it so hard to get myself to do so it s just so hard and i don t have anyone to turn to there s sooo much to take into account it s extremely overwhelming i just need some kind of tip or encouragement i literally have no friend or adult to talk to about this or help guide me,1
i ve been sad for a couple of year now this is because of my height i am already 9 year old m but i am stuck at i feel like i am not a man because of this hence why i am extremely sad and developed body dysmorphia is this reason of mine just or am i overreacting,1
if it add any kind of info m almost the thing is that ive always felt down kind of bad obsessed over a lot of stuff over time mainly school and once my grade obsession wore down started getting obsession nonstop this led to me having high anxiety even higher than before and eventually not recognizing myself in the mirror that and another bunch of stuff later i finally got into therapy and a psychiatrist they gave me sertraline for the ocd like symptom and intrusivity on my thought i have intrusive thought but those were way more maneagable than these so it worked great everything wa going fine and better everyday didnt stop getting better i had an episode of hipo mania caused by the sertraline i suppose so after going back to half the pill so mg now and a new psychiatrist my main one wa sick he told me thats what the episode wa called and recommended i get new medicine a people with bipolar disorder get that kind of stuff ive literally got no clue of what to do do i get tested for bipolar and get new medicine do i stick with sertraline a it solved my main issue bipolar somewhat make sense to me but i literally dont know what to do about it please forgive any grammar mistake a english isnt my main language,1
hi update two i definitely go through a lot of mood swing throughout my day sometimes i feel pretty good but sometimes i feel very lonely and isolated it doesn t help that i m extremely insecure about my appearance right now and i don t even want to go out to social situation because i stress about how terrible i look i just want to look good i ve been trying very hard i ve been keeping to a strict skin care regimen i nearly cut carbs out of my diet in hope it ll help my acne and i eat like 000 calorie a day so i can be shredded it s a little rough honestly i m a male so that s not a lot of calorie to work with i guess at least it get me cooking because i can t afford to waste any calorie i ve gone from about 9 to about in like a month though i workout almost every day and i go very hard for over an hour non stop exercise i feel lonely a lot i want to talk to girl very badly but i don t have the confidence in my appearance to bother i know i m ugly so it s not like i ll be able to go anywhere with them im trying to change it though i just wish i had clear skin honestly that would erase of my problem anyways i m doing okay i guess not really satisfied with my life or all that happy but my thought have stayed away from certain subject for a few day now i guess i d call that an improvement peace out much love and good luck to everyone,1
first off anyone looking to help can fuck off i have no interest in your pointless recycled comment they are falling upon deaf ear i am only looking for genuine advice on how to achieve a vegetative depressive state a i am unable to find a satisfactory method of suicide to people offering advice on such a thing how do you do it i suffer from ocd a well so it hard for me to have an inactive mind what i want is to become the traditional view of completely apathetic listless depression i am sick of trying to combat it and constantly failing so am now simply seeking to find a way to give up upon fighting edit to whatever arsehole reported me to the stupid resource bot i blocked it for your information,1
due to a bunch of reason i wa never close to my mother side of the family there were some cousin and great uncle i saw a lot briefly a a kid one recently chatted with mother through facebook and mentioned how he loved coming to our house back in those day he actually got married a few year ago but i didn t went i feel like depression social anxiety and being a closeted trans person denied me all the relationship normal people have it doesn t help that my mother had her reason to not make an effort to be close to some of those relative but i keep thinking that they became stranger to me even my great grandfather who i must have seen him once before he passed after my mother distanced ourselves from the rest of the family i keep thinking that all of it could be different i didn t had to be so lonely and even if some of them are terrible people i could still be close to the good one like the cousin who chatted with my mother if so weren t like this another cousin is getting married next month my great uncle came to our house to bring the invitation and want me to come a well i keep thinking what the hell am i even going to say to all these people i haven t seen since i wa a kid it wa normal to be a shy child and not to speak to them but now at they will think i have development issue and what would i talk about with them after graduating college year ago i did nothing with my life i just wasted my youth by hiding at home i don t think most of them give a shit about me but i bet at least some would be curious what i have been up to oh i got to sleep at am and wake up at noon everyday after which i proceed to do nothing but waste away in front of a computer screen i m so depressed and i m so fixated on this fear of time passing that i literally do nothing but that what about you i guess i would do what my parent do and just lie and say i do freelance work my father already told me how embarrassed he is when people ask him what i m doing and that s the lie he us i have a cousin almost my age in the other side of the family which i also dread about the idea of meeting him again we were close during summer a child but i remember our last summer together when we were a i started to develop depression and it wa really awkward it wa like we became stranger and would barely speak i would feel so ashamed to see him now he is normal he ha friend he doe what he want he s independent he s talkative he s normal he s everything i am not i just want to be fucking normal i wish i could restart my life but this time without depression social anxiety and being trans i feel like i won t survive this year but i wish i could have lived a little before i go,1
i m not sure what i want anymore out of my life it all ha seemed to just blend into one recently and everything that i reach out to to find a sense of drive encouragement seems to be so far away it all feel like i m wandering about looking for something anything to give me a sense of meaning anymore but it just feel like i m just going in circle i just feel lonely at this point,1
i wish people didnt give up on me so quickly because of how shy i am i wish they didnt view me a cold or mean because i never knew what to say so i just kept to myself i wish people didnt call me weird because i find it difficult to make eye contact i wish i didnt have to mask myself and pretend to be someone im not for the sake of fitting in i wish when my brother returned home from the military after year i had remembered how to properly communicate with him we seem like stranger now i wish i had been able to make friend even friend i wish i were able to get a girlfriend whats the meaning of life if you can t spend your time with someone you love i wish i didnt have autism i feel so isolated i feel so alone worst of all i know there is absolutely nothing i can do about it there are no pill for autism only mediocre therapy session to remind you of how different you are from those around you i cant do this anymore living like this is hell,1
well that s where all the traumatic shit happened so yeah i dwell on it like i haven t had to hear other people bitch about their childhood and then watch them be shitty adult so sorry i can t move on from year of neglect go fuck yourself,1
dutifully working a job that doesn t care about my humanity training people to replace me dutifully caring for a pet that make my mental health worse training them a i stress cry dutifully filling out tax for my dead parent emailing lawyer because my sibling won t fulfill their legal obligation dutifully attending counseling with my spouse actively listening to being told my want and need are wrong dutifully laying in bed quietly so a not do disturb anyone else staring at the ceiling through insomnia and intrusive thought understanding that i don t exist i am just a tool for everyone else this is my duty,1
i ve been trying to walk forward despite everything but i feel like i m out of option and got no help so i m here trying to figure out if my situation is a bad a it seems to me i am a classical musician not from the u trained in a conservatory since i wa a child and over the year got to play and perform wonderful music in different country and finished two master s degree in the u i graduated the last one just a the pandemic started and eventually married my u citizen boyfriend the application for a green card is gon na take a few month at least six so i have no access to health insurance or medicaid or really anything that isn t out of pocket and super expensive i haven t had a single job or real performance in two year and my playing ha declined over this time which make it even harder to find a job in the future when i get the green card not that there are any opportunity around me anyway nobody seems to care about classical music im feeling like i spent so many year and made so many sacrifice my childhood and teenage year and friend for example just to be able to play music that nobody want to hear i know i could play arrangement of popular song but that just make me wan na cry all the hard work feel so wasted on that and it brings me no joy to play music i don t like on top of this i have no support network apart from my husband who is super busy working for both of u and can t be the only one in my support network which i understand i have no car and live in an area with zero public transportation so i have been all winter stuck in the basement we have been living in it doesn t even have window so no sunlight i do try to spend time outside every time it s not freezing but i m increasingly lonely and spiraling down more every day about everything i have terrible social skill autism so i don t even know how to make friend but i literally haven t seen anyone my age in the neighborhood or really anyone approachable at all i need help but i don t know how to find it,1
recently i have been having a tough time dealing with my lack of motivation is really hard to care about anything specially when i always feel like im being forced to do anything even thing that i like to do it like im being constanly dragged through life how do you guy deal with extreme apathy and lack of motivation when you dont really have any interest in existing,1
ha oh god i don t know why i m laughing so much i think if i could feel anything i would be scared i m laughing and i m cry i don t know what to do i think my friend is suicidal scrap that i know they are and the problem is i m kind of suicidal too i see no point in life but i ve become sort of stuck in a rut of repressed emotion for a while i feel nothing so i have no desire to do anything let alone to kill myself but i m worried they do they said they would see me tomorrow so i don t think they re going to do it tonight they said they want to but they see no point because they always fail i don t know what to do i cant ask for help for them because i promised confidentiality and i know the pain of that trust being broken i can t do that to them that is not an option i know they re safe for tonight the only problem is i don t know how to make them feel better or if i can i m terrible at comforting people at the best of time and now i m half asleep and i think i m a little triggered for context my dad used to always tell me he wa going to kill himself if i left him and he would detail how worthless he wa and way he would kill himself and sometimes he would sh and almost attempt in front of me a well a me being suicidal myself on multiple occasion so it s a touchy subject i don t need people telling me to call the police or tell anyone else i need advice on how to make them feel better i can t bear the thought of one of my friend feeling how i feel or rather how i ve felt it s fucking torture and they do not deserve that shit they said they can t talk because they feel like an attention seeker and i tried to reassure them but i m crap at it please i m begging you give me some advice something i can do to make them feel better the thought of them in pain is agonising they don t deserve that i just need some idea on what to do what to say please i want to help them with their depression but i can t even help myself i don t know how to help i m sorry if this is the wrong place i ve already posted this on suicide watch but i need a much advice a possible i ve tried thinking about what i would of liked people to do when i wa actively trying to take my life but all i really wanted wa to be left alone to die and i felt guilty a hell when i talked to anyone about it and wanted to forget about it so i have no clue on how to make them feel better i m sorry,1
my bf is in a depressive episode atm i m still learning and would like to know more about depression while in an depressive episode is every day the same for you do you have good day in between coming out of depression do you feel much better from one day to the next or is it a slow process with back step too sorry for all the question just want to understand better what my bf is going through,1
i can hear the difference voice in my head i talk with my girlfriend all night but when she s sleeping i can hear the voice sometimes or my head creates an illusion or paranoid i don t have an idea about happen with me,1
i m 0 about to spend most of my life try to meet s end got out of high school and did one semester of college feel like a burden to those around me i alway felt depressed always putting on a happy mask so i would have to make those around me worry went to the army for month thought it might change the first wa fun and happy but last wa hell felt depressed again got came home a try to start over watch anime which felt like it wa a cure for depression i just wanted to share this,1
i like not caring about anything i m at work all day just going through the motion the long hour and annoying customer don t phase me because i m not even all there mentally emotionally failing uni doesn t phase me because eh i have to be numb because if not i ll just constantly feel unbearable emotional and physical pain i have to swallow every bit of emotion so i don t completely fall apart,1
i m pretty sure she ha depression i m a good listener and don t judge i know how hard it is from reading alot of post in this sub i want to help her and i m genuinely concerned about her how can i do this,1
my family are all logical people who like to study and read lot of book the thing they study and read are about politics philosophy economics all that fun stuff since this is their favourite way to absorb information i wa wondering if there were any book suggestion out there to sort of educate my family they are open to it thanks in advanced,1
i am a male within the armed force and never really got the chance to speak my mind about a lot of thing i wa always told by everyone thats male shouldn t cry or even show a slight a bit of sadness or else it would redeem them weak a little bit if background before the military i wa a person that would always have friend along with people i thought they would appreciate who i am later on bad luck started to come around or at least i thought it wa bad luck to this day i do not have any idea why thing happen around me or people i love it seemed like every week or month or so i would go to a funeral that wa among all my friend i made accident suicide cancer or even by natural cause so far i been to funeral at this point and not able to cry or shed a tear it seems like whenever i try to show an emotion to what ha happened it never doe then people look at me like a monster and think i am a psycho or a robot in reality i am lost in the void of either to try to keep or make more friend eventually i got to enlisting into the military to serve or find a purpose in life and eventually found myself in a deeper hole i remember i had a platoon size or so group of buddy i drank and had fun with a brotherhood many would call it a home away from home that did not really last long one by one they killed themselves due to various amount of situation either it be from a divorce or just pure depression that dragged them to the ground despite all these thing i came to the conclusion that i always will think i am a robot or even a ghost that sens nothing but just what go on non human to the point where at one point i saw them paint their brain on the wall a i walked in to give them a well needed drink my reaction wa nothing and to just calmly report it to the mp on base i am sorry elijah currently in the service still have about two year left my wife at home with the dog i do feel love for both of them but for me not at all i feel guilt in the fact of it all happening like i am the bad luck charm i been seeing what seems like people that i used to speak to and where alive around me at time my old friend that could have been around but aren t i am not much of a paranormal type person but i feel them watching me or even expecting me to join them at some point a heavy weight on my shoulder if you will i can t lose myself in thought or else they are everywhere so i keep it to myself and ruck on but believe me the demon have learned how to swim after i tried drowning them with drinking i keep going in life but what purpose what it be if i keep losing those i love whoever read this thank you to my wife a well i love you and our dog despite my dark situation i don t want my demon to win but they try every night who know if i will ever wake up to see something bright again,1
throwaway acct never really post so excuse formatting or content i have hit the point now where i am really wondering what the point of it all is i m very tired i feel like i ve been running forever my medical bill are continuing to pile up i haven t been working because of my medical issue so money ha become my biggest real life issue my relationship with family and friend are deteriorating so quickly i don t even know how to stop it my education proved to be the biggest waste of time my work skill are so unremarkable that i cant get anything more than a warehouse job i m a complete definition of a loser i feel like my life is spiraling out of control it feel like it s all my fault and i know it is i just don t know how to fix anything and these random event keep happening to me that make me question if maybe it is just some cosmic entity screwing with me because every time i tried to do something for someone else or tried just taking action to do better somehow it ended up in failure i tried getting a new job and i unfortunately my medical problem hit causing me to lose that new job just a month after getting it prior to that i took a better job offer only to get hit with even worse working condition for an additional 0 hence me leaving to try to get a new job or how about the two time i went christmas shopping for my family i had to replace two tire on my car one each time i went out i mysteriously got a flat tire that went unnoticed both time resulting in me having to buy new one because the sidewall were screwed or my favorite one i decided to take a trip to another state on a whim one weekend for a concert at that time i had felt that i wa at the lowest i could get so i said screw it and decided to go i decided to go out the night before to check out the city and found a local band playing a bar i ordered a beer and the next thing i remember is waking up in a hospital they proceeded to then let me just leave the hospital and i wandered the city with a dead phone for a few hour looking for my car to go home i got a lot of nice thought from family and friend initially but then the jokey so you didn t get raped did you and then just laughing it off most likely because i m a male i honestly don t know if i did i remember nothing and i would rather it just stay that way everything i do in my life seems to result in the worst possible outcome whether it s my fault noticeably or whether i want to blame the void for all my problem the outcome is still the same and my pile of problem doesn t change i just want to do right but i can t seem to do that i want to give up completely every time i think thing can t get worse they do this isn t a final post or anything like that i just want to scream everyone look and talk to me like i m some stooge and maybe i am but damnit i just want people to care i m trying but failing at every corner so i am at the point now where i don t do anything i ve sat unemployed with a friend a my flatmate for a bit now and i get the sense he doesn t believe my medical issue and i sense this relationship ha also lost it end i m so lost i don t know where to go from here hang in there everyone i m sure it get better sometime just maybe not soon,1
the phrase and concept it get s better eventually how can anyone keep living without something other than that flawed statement there s no trick or ploy here i just don t get it i m tired of trying to convince myself that idea ha merit or is at least worth pursuing for myself i m tired of leaning solely on that because time after time i can t find anything in this world to look forward to anything to believe in to want maybe no one will read this post maybe everyone hyperbole will i know i don t have a flashy premise i know i m just some random person the average scroller doesn t have to get attached to or invested in because they may never hear from me again i know this question is gigantic and a colossal ask to any one person i just need something random aside fuck betrayal fuck blatant liar,1
i don t want to d e but also don t love the idea of being alive i feel like im just existing my life somehow sound really cool on paper and in real life it s extremely meh im in a long term relationship working in entertainment like i always wanted for myself living in new york i have some solid friend but none of it feel good am i just an entitled brat i feel no excitement anymore im just constantly working on arbitrary goal that i set for myself so i don t just lay in bed all day call it high functioning i don t really want to keep doing this whole thing i m tired and over it and i ve gone through too much shit this past year and i am still dealing with ptsd and sa stuff and i just feel like i don t want to deal with it anymore i want to give my life to someone else and go live on a beach somewhere and i know that life is hard and i hate that i wish it wasn t so hard i m not strong enough to keep fighting i want to give up seeking advice please or some word of wisdom or something how do i find my spark again,1
what are you been doing lately how life s going for you in my side i started studying at college i m very proud of what i ve accomplished mostly managing my anxiety still got a lot of work to do the only thing that is kinda bothering me now is that i feel lonely abandoned,1
hi i wa wondering if anyone ha this happen to them i have have had depression for decade i have good day and bad day no period that last for week or month like i did when i first started having symptom 0 year ago thank god it is mostly occasional bad bout most often i just have a dull low depression that i can dell with using moving muscle using cognitive dispute today i had one of the rare event that i used to get often i wake up early have a cup or two of coffee yet i feel really exhausted i slept fine the night before i end up having breakfast but that exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming and i go back to bet by 9am the entire day consists of me sleeping having lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dream the dream are not nightmare in fact they are rather creative but the local and situation are like the came from somebody imagination in a distant galaxy they would make really interesting sci fi fantasy i also dream about being lonely i have no family few friend one thing i remember wa this gut wrenching sadness about a girl i dated over 0 year ago thought she wa the one but it fell apart after about 0 to hour i get up have something to eat i feel hung over an d it is like a storm passed through my brain spent it s energy and now calm ha returned i wa wondering if anyone else had had similar experience like this it would be concerning if it wa a frequent occurrence which it once wa in the early day of depression again that wa decade ago thanks in advance for any observation or comment peace,1
is there any way to bring my appetite back due to unfortunate life event that gave me emotional stress over the past time i ve started loosing my appetite while some people were gaining weight this quarantine it wa the opposite for me this isn t normal for me since i wa enjoying eating meal now food doesn t faze me that much i ve lost desire to eat and i m concerned about my health i miss the feeling of enjoying food p s sorry i forgot to add i m a minor and i m strictly forbidden to go outside i wa hoping if i could do anything inside the house that s useful but i ll consider other comment given thank you,1
it will be two year this november since my brother died from a fentanyl overdose this completely shook up the family dynamic i moved back home to be closer to them about a year before his death while i am happy i did get to spend his last birthday with him since he is gone and the family is all split up now i hate living here i used to make double doing the type of work that i do here where i last lived my job is actually financially draining me i am a caregiver aid for disabled kid and have been for over year but ever since my brother died i find myself in very dark place then i get really angry for a second because i know he is gone and never coming back then throw in the caregiver fatigue with the grieving depression and i just feel so crazy in my head sometimes one minute i m fine the next minute i hate everyone inflation isn t helping because i am having to skip meal to make sure my kid are fed which also isn t helping my mental health i dunno how do you all cope,1
i can t stand the constant shitty feeling of depression in my chest head and stomach idk how to put it into word but pretty sure every depressed person know what i mean i can t shake the feeling and everything is starting to get under my skin and send me into such a downwards spiral of overthinking and overanalyzing everything so much to the point that i overanalyze feeling sad in the first place and minimize my own feeling i m not motivated to do anything except sit around like a blob and waste time and space my fiance is a blessing and doe so much to make me feel better but he can t be my savior and it s been so hard just to get through the work day and go through the motion i know it s temporary and will pas cause that s the illness but i feel so awful and helpless rn i forgot what i m supposed to do i hope typing this out will make me feel better thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful night,1
i m not writing this in a negative way what is your point having a point make the difference i think between your life you need to know why you are doing something before you do it,1
it feel we live in such a cruel world people torment each other always wanting to make others feel worse give each other covid or hate or rage or despair i don t sleep well i ve met some people recently whom have treated me badly ghosted me pretended to be my good friend and i ve suffered a lot of emotional pain i always ask what ha been the point of all of this i ve had some terrible pain last few year what wa the point or is it all meaningless,1
so for awhile now i ve tried multiple time to hang myself and also tried to slit my wrist but all my suicide attempt have failed and im trying to find happiness in life and find a reason to live but everday i just wan na end all my suffering anyways here s why i feel suicidal so basically my mom and dad are abusive and make me feel like shit and then my brother and sister don t uderstand what im going through so they make it worse and my parent threated me if i call cps or anyone about what happens at the house i would get whooped till i turned red and got brusies and alot of bad thing somebody please help me before i take my life,1
i ve felt like this for a bit but never super realized until i looked into a depression a i ve thought more and more recently that i might have depression i ve just kind of been watching youtube and show recently not doing anything i like recently i haven t had any good motivation to get up and do stuff like playing video game even though i want to i just can t get myself to i ve been failing school i can t motivate myself to sit down and even do that which i really really need to do and i feel bad for it too since i haven t done really anything and my mom stuck her neck out to help me i ve just about always had good grade up until spring of last year i think i m always happy when out doing stuff around people basically but i m not always feeling that way i ve just kind of been feeling off and a bit sad i want to reach out to people but i don t have the courage to do so even if they re a relative or a close friend i don t want anyone feeling sad because i am and i m just kind of trying to keep people other than myself happy people have asked me sometimes if i m ok but i always respond with i m fine sometimes i know like at the beginning of conversation i sound a bit sad which is why people ask if i m ok but then i kind of just go to a normal somewhat happy tone i don t want to really say i m depressed cause i think it s just my own fault for being too lazy and i know recently especially i haven t been getting to sleep really at a time i should just cause i don t feel tired basically ever so i just stay awake and sometimes force myself to sleep i m not really ever cry which isn t very depression like which is guess is kind of why i ve just thought for awhile that i don t which i probably don t i m sure i m exaggerating but i don t really get to a point where i feel sleepy and then when i do go to sleep i sleep for hour and even if i do set alarm i wake up but i m just not motivated enough to actually get up so i usually just fall back asleep but i just haven t told anyone up until now especially not irl until now but even this ha taken some courage to admit even to myself but i probably didn t say everything a im just kind of piecing stuff together in no specific order or anything and just ramblind on but i m sorry this ha been long thank you for reading and have a nice day or night i did forget to mention some stuff i don t really have suicidal thought i mean i ve thought of suicide but never actually thought about doing it and i have been thinking about talking to a friend that i believe ha had depression in the past but i don t know if they still do so i don t really want to put that weight on their shoulder a well and also i haven t been eating a much probably not because of depression if i even have it which i m sure i don t at this point and also my hygiene i haven t been taking care of my hygiene the best i kind of stopped brushing my teeth for awhile i hate to admit it but my teeth are pretty yellowed and i haven t really been taking care of thing such a acne a well,1
i feel like i can t get high enough to forget the shit that s happening in life rn i want to self harm so bad because i m so sad and idk what to do with myself and how i ve reacted to my relationship struggle,1
i think i am having a nervous breakdown i need help i have too much going on i cant even get into detail i had a panic attack and i kept hitting myself in the face it 0am right now i dont want to say whats going on particularly but i have absolutely nobody there for me or anybody willing to help i had a panic attack about minute ago it am a im writing this right now i got up from my bed and walked into the bathroom and i got into the bathtub and sat down and stared at the wall for minute i dont know where my head is ive been sitting here for 0 minute now i really need help right now ive never posted anything like this to a subreddit or any other website so this is almost a last resort for me,1
f i am just so tired i hate my life i know there s a beautiful side to life but oh my god i don t even wan na see it if the thing i ve been through are always going to be in the back of my head i don t feel guilty about leaving my friend or family anymore i just feel ready what i m worried about is failing,1
everyone i have ever met in my life ha told me that i m beautiful some even the most beautiful that they have ever seen all my life i ve expected the rest of the world to bow down before my beauty and tell me that i m beautiful i always rely on that validation and reassurance i keep on waiting for people to tell me that i m beautiful i keep track of who tell me i m beautiful and who hasn t for those who haven t i wonder if they think i m beautiful this happened with my 0 year old same sex female teacher i wa expecting her to tell me that i m beautiful even a she wa rejecting me and i noticed that she didn t tell me what i wanted to hear and just pointed out aspect about my personality i wa cry over it my own thinking ha led to me having many problem in life i lack even the most basic common sense even when something is so obvious like flying to germany and showing up unannounced at the airport asking to be picked up at pm and expecting to free load for two week with relative i haven t seen in year over christmas being invited to a friend s birthday party and not even talking to her and wondering why she became cold to me even at work when toothpick fell i wa picking them up to put them back on the bottle i wa stacking clothes that they kept on falling my coworkers who are younger than me helped me and their mind are more mature than mine when my former professor 0 year my senior told me he loved me and that i wa the most beautiful woman he ha ever met i wa blown away i wa so distracted by him telling me that i wa beautiful that i could not see that he could have been lying i have received a couple of complaint about my personality someone told me yes you are beautiful in look but ugly a hell at heart you are narcissistic and manipulative you surely do act like the world revolves around you another person ha told me you told me that you are when i wa talking to you i felt like i wa talking to a year old you are a very immature woman and you re not that bright either is this why i don t have any friend is there more to life than being beautiful would people find my immaturity to be unattractive,1
i don t know what to feel but i just am tired and over it and there s no end to running on a hamster wheel of constant sadness ugh,1
i cant do this i just cant anymore i wan na be happy again im dealing with lot rn ever since i watched some verg graphic gore smoked weed had dpdr researched solipsism it all too much for me i wan na be happy again i just cant see the world the same anymore but i want to please someone help ive had this kind of depression for year it come and go i hadnt had any kind of major depression tho for a while this doesnt feel like itll go away i rly need to know and make sure itll go away because i just cant especially at night thats when it get rly bad i just don t know what to do this doesn t feel like it ll ever go away please please help im desperate i just wan na be happy again i can t deal with this again,1
death seek me life besieges me i want to die why oh why fuck bring the pain i am ready for the ocean whatever happens i ll be with god please god forgive me i have failed you i am so confused please help me why is my life such a painful struggle i want peace in sobriety with you forgive me god i am sorry,1
i ve decided to mourn my break up of year together that happened week ago last night i dropped all my hope and faith she d come back to me we both were evil to each other definitely not ready for one another we did love each other like no one else we both were each other s first love and then my heart my soul feel like some nasty hand came to my soul ripped apart half of my heart watched me die on the street alone and giggled at me i don t want this amount of pain it almost led me to act on you know what last night i ve ruined every decision i ve made in life i don t want to ruin more tomorrow is not promised then i want to change my personality since i never made friend with who i am i want to i just want to change 0 degree of who i am today but this pain it s killing me how do i get over this pain a quickly a possible i ve no friend to speak to about it i m alone here and dying to just have someone in a similar experience and help me with it irl friend i haven t had in so many year and being at home is killing me too for so many year but i want to change it all,1
i think i m starting to feel an emotion that i haven t experienced naturally in year you know that feeling where you have a vacation coming up and the whole week before you re like excited because you have something to look forward to i ve been feeling that all week but i have no plan or break until the end of the semester i wa trying to express this feeling out loud to my friend when it occurred to me is this what happy people feel like like do they feel satisfied just walking around all day it s like my stomach is warm and content even though nothing is different and i have nothing going on anyone else have thought on this,1
my appetite extremely lost itself day by day and week by week i can t even enjoy eating sweet anymore or even the most delicious food make me want to throw up except for liquid such a coke im addicted to soda and milk tea i feel sad and pity myself im fully aware how my health is deteriorating yet i dont know how to deal with it i suffer from did mdd bipolar and cptsd i m in early phase of therapy so thing aren t really going good these day im really concerned about my health im already severely wasted underweight sometimes i just think thats it better to not eat cause everytime i eat i get depressed feel discomfort and idk why from one cup of rice to one half cup to and now i only eat spoon per meal i don t even drink much water i want to change it but i just dont know how,1
i ve had depression for a long a i can remember really some day i m sad for absolutely no reason that s how today started now i m in my head and i m more depressed than i ve been in a very long time i hardly ever cry i haven t cried in probably month i m cry right now i m fucking sobbing like a lil bitch my boyfriend is in jail not sure how long month idk i live in our house with our year old he s my sister kid but i have custody my best friend ha depression and her boyfriend struggle with drug and she work a very full time job she doesn t reply much to me anymore i m not mad at her i know her life it very tough and she struggle with depression a well i m just sad because she s my go to person and now i m lucky if i get a reply i m 0 day clean from fentanyl so the chemical in my brain probably aren t in the greatest shape i miss my other best friend i saved all of our video and picture she wa my best friend from around 0 0 i wa in a very toxic relationship and she constantly tried to break u up rightfully so once i finally broke up with him the girl and i we fine we were great one night we went to a party and then the next day i went home and wrote her a long text telling her she wa toxic towards her boyfriend we got into a huge fight then they started stupid rumor about me trying to get with her bf wasn t true then i went 00 step too far i got with this new guy who wa total gang gang and a snow addict at the time i knew a window in her house wa broke and could always open while she wa at school my new man and his friend robbed her house and by rob i mean only took the bong and weed that wa one of the biggest mistake of my life the whole time it happened i sat at home have an anxiety attack because i wanted to tell my man nevermind but i didn t want him to think le of me how fucking cool of me i have a very guilty conscience and i m empathetic a fuck i ended up telling her the truth she already knew she s not stupid i knew she wanted to kill me the moment i confessed to her face a week later i ended up giving her 00 00 to make up for what wa taken i hoped she would want to continue our friendship but it wa over i don t blame her i wa the toxic one all along i needed to do deep soul searching well now it s 0 and that happened year ago i still think about her everyday i miss her more than ever i love her soul and that s rare to find i ve been looking at all our old video picture that i saved to my eye only on snapchat i have hundred of snap of u my point is if anyone is actually still reading do i try to message her on facebook or should i just be happy that she wa apart of my life did i forever ruin what could have been i feel like i m just getting through everyday not living i m prescribed very strong sleeping med i m tempted to take a couple but i won t i m tempted to walk to the gas station and drink my sorrow away but that ll only make thing worse i could go across the street and sit on the swing in the park but it s dark now i m just babbling on about nothing i feel like it s the loneliness talking,1
that mental struggle when you know you should reach out because you think you might sh but a big part of you doesn t want to try too hard to get help because f everyone and everything amp x 00b i ve tried half heartedly all day to reach out to people but no one ha responded with anything other than their own issue i guess posting here is kinda reaching out part of me doesn t want to do it but most of me is just angry and want to put that into something,1
m i have been dealing with depression anxiety panic attack for 0 year and also have adhd i kind of suck at everything i am failing my rd university almost have no social life have no girlfriend for year no job no goal and no achievement i have been trying to get my life together for year i quit alcohol and cannabis completely i am working out regularly forcing myself to socialize and learn new skill and trying to date failing miserably i am only successful at quitting drug which i can relapse anytime i suffer month of a year have some good day so what is the point of living if i won t be happy and achieve anything what kind of man i am who can not attract a woman and never be able to and why do i bother to live if i am failing every job i took and every university i went to i always feel lonely hate myself and can t look at the mirror anymore i am about to give up but i can t decide please answer objectively thanks,1
it been like this for so long and my first problem ha always been there it will never go away if i were to change this problem i wouldnt be me anymore it started when i wa a mute child now i have social anxiety and depression i never received treatment the first time when i wa and got prescribed and then they stopped suddenly i dont have anything i dont even have a friend to tell nor an adult i cant just seek help i dont trust anyone at all and im far too scared to even speak about it because i go silent when i have to talk about thing like this im so i have no way to seek help for myself i dont have any friend at school and i havent had any for year every time i try to make one i just cant keep up and it so exhausting trying to talk and i just never speak again a lot of people hate me i wa verbally bullied in some school no one wa ever there to help me ive been alone for so long it been getting so much worse with constant de realization severe intrusive thought and at this point i cut myself everyday i genuinely dont see a future anymore,1
im a year old guy in highschool i suffer from bipolar depression and have been addicted to painkiller before and went through rehab during my freshman year during my addiction i had a girlfriend and we decided to go to a dance together she didn t show up my first reaction wa to not worry but all my friend had their date and we re having fun i immediately went into a panic and took too many pill i overdosed and almost died i decided to break up with my girlfriend after the incident and felt it wa best we moved on now i m a junior the first year i m allowed to go to prom and i don t wan na go i m single this year and all my friend have date and are probably going to have fun i don t think i will enjoy myself i don t want to relive a traumatic experience that nearly killed me my parent want me to go because they feel it is really important and will show my emotional growth they say that me going will make them happy and called me selfish when i said i wasn t going my dad keep telling me that i m going and that i need to look for a suit and stuff pretending like nothing is wrong my mom is telling me that i m selfish for not going and that it would make them happy if i would go i don t know what to do can i get some advice,1
it wa dumb they were talking about what day do they put out trash and i said something like every day is trash day if you hate yourself but still go outside they nervous laughed and looked at me asking if i wa serious and i said well everyone hate themselves a little bit and they just didn t respond cool just me ok lol,1
i ve been struggling with motivation to do anything work related for the last month or so because i m depressed a a result i m super far behind on a lot of stuff my manager hasn t really noticed because i ll get the thing done that they need but i m in a really bad place mentally this week and i have done almost no work on a big project that i need to finish by tomorrow i ve been debating going out on fmla for the last few week but i have to use up all of my vacation time if i do go out i ve been seeing a therapist weekly and i ve been on wellbutrin for a month my doctor just increased my dosage yesterday it really hasn t done much for me up to this point do i just take fmla until i get my depression under control i feel like i m stuck between a rock and a hard place i hate disappointing people but this depression is debilitating i m also really scared to even start the process for fmla,1
i feel like everything i do i get tired of very quickly i dont feel like challenging myself or bettering myself when something happens to me i put myself down real quick im functional enough to get out of bed clean myself and go to work but thats really it nothing else my interest in activity isnt there i used to be on 0 mg of sertaline a year and a half ago but i got off it thats back when i wa suicidal and to be honest i have improved just not to the extent i think i should have i thought my brain would start getting back into a completely healthy rhythm by itself but it didnt thankfully im not suicidal and the fact i admit i want to improve is a very good sign,1
at first i thought i wa being picky but i kid you not i ve worked at over 0 different company over the last ten year don t get me wrong some job were garbage and had high turnover to begin with but other job people would go crazy over from some of the most reputable company in my area to the easiest work for great pay many of these job are not in a field i m passionate about the work stagnates i become disengaged and i quit if it s not that my coworkers or my supervisor suck if it s not that the schedule is off if it s not that the pay is off hell if it s not any of that a speck of dirt landed on my shirt so screw this place i m leaving i m terrified of being stuck somewhere i don t want to be and it gradually defining my career but the more i jump around the more time i waste in the process people younger than me are becoming my bos and i sit here wondering exactly what i m doing with my life and what i even want to be doing with my life i m year old i haven t had a long lasting job let alone a solid romantic relationship in over a decade the more time that creep by the harder it get i ve worked so many job now and have become so experienced doing so many different task i can very quickly spot out a bad gig or come to a decision if it s an environment i want to be in when i wa a kid working the only job i ve spent more than three year at my supervisor told me i should be a drifter in life and jump from town to town at the time i didn t think much of it today however i wonder if that s really what my true aim should be considering i ve kind of been doing that for most of my adult life anyway fuck,1
idk who s going to read this but it doesn t matter i m only writing this for myself i always had friend growing up i wasn t the most popular kid but i had my small group recently some drama happened and i m no longer in the group i wa wronged and i will play the victim because i am i don t have any friend now i haven t got a few year i fell into a terrible life style the only thing i do with my life is go to college work then rot in my bed consuming medium it took a while but it hit me during one of my break away from school and work i realized that i have nothing making me happy i wake up and go on my phone watching random shit all day in my bed at night i m afraid to sleep so i just consume medium until i can t stay awake any longer i recently started think about what make me happy nothing i have no interest to pursue no friend to talk to no life to live i ve seen everywhere that in order to find yourself you should start a hobby based on your interest that s bullshit coming from people that don t have these problem i don t have interest no hobby appeal to me saying find a hobby that interest you is like me telling you to start a hobby that you don t like i don t like anything anymore i don t know who i am and i don t know how to find myself being betrayed by the people closest to you is a blessing and a curse i know they weren t real but i also know loneliness i can t crawl out of this state because i ve got nothing i want to do how do i become curious how do i start to desire thing again i m so lost i don t even know if i have depression or something all i know is i m constantly hurt unless i m consuming medium being idle just hurt i don t know where else to say this,1
i literally feel empty and hollow i feel like i m slowly just losing touch of what it mean to be alive i had people to talk with for awhile and it wa great it made me smile knowing i wasn t lonely anymore but look like that disappeared from me the one i talk to just stopped no concern no care just treated a a stranger that really broke my heart i feel so sad and unmotivated about anything anymore it such bad timing because i figured what i wanted to do in life and this come to weigh me down i literally feel like ending it would give me a sense of peace for once i don t know what to do so much stress is on me i don t know how to deal with it anymore what am i supposed to do now,1
i m crippled by my past mistake i had the perfect life and threw it all away now i m with someone who treat me like shit and i m staying because i feel like that s what i deserve every day is a struggle and i m ready to be done with this life i ve ruined the world would be better off,1
it s been and a half month now the depression is getting way worse with suicidal thought antidepressant don t help me at all trazadone moklobemid i can not cope with his death i ve dropped out of uni my life is meaningless now i have 0 hope i don t look forward to anything anymore all relationship i have now feel empty also i m an adult now year old i don t think it s even possible to make real friend at this age i ve grown up alongside him went through middle and high school with him all the memory i have with him are just a burning memory now and the worst of all is when you don t believe in god or afterlife anymore you just know that your best friend is nothing but a brain rotting in a cold grave right now and you won t ever see him again never ever,1
i dont bother doing anything all day and im failing college yet im still tired and im constantly thinking about suicide,1
that one week wa the best in a long time around month of constant depression ha quite honestly made me want to kill myself but i have too many people in my life for that i m grateful for having supportive friend and family member but i just want to die,1
been feeling my worst bought of depression in year i m not very socially graceful and i had a substance abuse problem for a long time clean year and sometimes i worry i pickled my brain lol because what s common sense to most people doesn t really register for me i get dismissed by people a lot and i m really struggling at work because of it i m looking for a new job unfortunately nothing pay a well a my current job and i m already living paycheck to paycheck i recently got a cat though and she help with the loneliness,1
i did not have a good day today felt confused and felt like i had no control over my own life but i m reminding myself that i need day like these to really appreciate the good one even though it feel like i ve been in this rough patch for a while and at time it s been really hard to keep going it is the hope that will get me trough this and is getting me trough it right now those feeling of dread and complete defeat can get the best of you and have you seeing no happy ending for everyone reading this i just want you to continue having hope for a brighter day and so will i you are strong,1
do you ever just day dream of an alternate reality where your the main character where your almost like a superhero and everyone love you and your life is so perfect and you have all the thing you want life like your in a movie then you return to face your reality of sadness and face that grimness of it all i do this almost daily it s depressing,1
my father is very smart he ha so much achievement in his education and he always graduated top on his class his dream profession wa to become an engineer but because they were poor he wa not able to pursue it back then he would always persuade to become an engineer now i m at college studying engineering but i am struggling to keep up with college whenever i share to them my struggle they just expect me to easily overcome it i cry every night thinking that i am just a failure and a disappointment to my family this ha all started when i wa still in elementary and have been reaching a top in the class i wa introduced to the computer and got hooked by it i basically grew up in high school facing my computer most of the time i would no longer study and just play all night long not knowing the impact it that would cause me today my habit have completely changed i became malnourished my education ha deteriorated and i graduated high school not knowing how to add a simple fraction now i am at college i am struggling to keep up especially math and i have a failing grade we have a programming subject and what i have realized is that i actually feel happy when taking the lesson i have been thinking to change my career instead but i know my family would not agree i have so many thought right now about what ifs but the urge to just end my life is too strong because i know at this point of my life i have no chance to succeed i have been thinking about this for week i have completely lost my faith and motivation i am disappointed in myself knowing if i would continue it would only get worse i ve already prepared everything i m only waiting to actually be able to pull the trigger,1
i hate this shit that is called life and myself a well i seriously just wan na be normal and mentally stable i turn in month i suffer from bipolar adhd and severe social anxiety lol and i live in a country that do not give two fuck about mental health not even my family know about this they just think am weird i always find it extremely hard to be social or have a solid jobe interview without sweating or going completely red lol i also have some leftover acne scar so that made it alot worst have one friend that i feel a connection with and i love that i mean hopefully thing will get better am in my last year of college or i will get the courage to and my miserable life,1
hey last year i went through a horrible horrible depression and it s wa because i wa going through a lot and i wa always doing thing for people i forgot about myself and this year i just want to focus on me but it s like people from my past are trying to come back into my life and i don t want nothing to do with them i m also trying my best to protect my energy so sometimes i get in a mood of i don t want to talk to anyone like i m perfectly fine just being alone and it s like human these day don t understand this they get upset i don t want to be a bad person but i just can t handle too many friend or a lot of people in my life just hanging out in the background if i could just be alone forever i honestly would i been through so much trauma i don t trust anybody,1
i m a 9 year old male currently in college doing engineering living with my parent i love my parent and they love me and you know the pandemic for the last year forced college to be online learning so i m at home studying with no job yes my parent pay for my education and everything i feel very depressed every day and i became this awful person that yell back at my parent and me sitting at home made me very lazy that if my mom tell me to do a chore then i become angry now is it that i don t have a job i feel depressed and lazy i know i need to change this anger inside of me but don t know how to start the next step thanks for reading this please share what you think,1
coming from an asian household i ve been told to become a doctor since the age of the constant pressure for good grade led me to repeat my senior year of highschool drop out of university graduate from a local college and then re enroll to another program then drop out since my parent hated the program i graduated from i want to thank them for the support they showed especially when they called me useless dumb an embarassment and how they would disown me now i m year old with a fairly decent working from home job that i may get fired from since i ve ignored my workload due to cycling back into a depressive state i now purely cope by playing video game and jerking off i live everyday day dreaming and at the same time regretting my wasted youth all the while my parent look at me with disdain and remind me whenever they can about how i ruined my life that s the end of my ted talk fuck my life man,1
i m having a horrible night and i m too nervous to call the suicide crisis hotline i just need someone to talk to really bad please,1
i don t know if this is the right place but i just want to get this out of my system somewhere and a journal won t do if it doesn t belong here please delete my girlfriend and i are in an open relationship we both agreed on it and i never had any problem with it but after year of trying i have had zero success while my girlfriend can basically choose and it hurt it hurt seeing her choose other guy over me it hurt knowing she d rather spend time with them than with me what hurt the most is seeing her being happy listening to her talking about how exciting it is how much self esteem she gained from it and thus knowing that if i ever tell her that it hurt me i ll make her sad and i don t want to make her feel said even if it mean cry myself to sleep while she is having fun with our friend it s not her issue though she is always asking beore and afterwards if it is okey checking in on me and she would stop this instant if i would tell her about any of this but i know it would still hurt and limit her losing this part of her life and i can t and don t want to do that because i know that if i loose her my life would get miserable i d most likely stay the rest of my life alone and die alone i d lose almost everything positive in my life and i d rather die than having to live 0 miserable year alone thanks for putting up with my ridiculous and self inflicted shit and just remove it if it doesn t belog here,1
anyone who also went through a heavy depressive state not moving around eating or doing anything etc know how to get their appetite back most day i ll only have one meal and that ll be it but i went to the doctor today and they said i might actually contract an illness a a result of this and would like to get me tested so i kinda wan na start fixing up,1
m i ve been in a major spiral the last half a year or so with all kind of major issue coming up all at once i went to the hospital for sa in january and had to go back only a month later for sh and alcohol abuse on my campus usually when i get depressed however i get really really sad or destructive towards myself or i reach for weed or drink to keep me from thinking about thing but tonight is different i ve managed to keep myself from the drink so far tonight and i m out of edible so i can t vibe like that and i m having my usual spiraling out of control thought and feeling incredibly shitty but i also kind of just feel nothing normally i d be a wreck cry on the floor right now but i just feel like a hollowed out egg like my skin is only millimeter thick and the slightest tap will cave me in i can t emote at all i feel like i want nothing not even death rn just pure nothingness and it suck anyone have any experience with these feeling is this some sort of disassociation because i ve never had this acute of an experience before hopefully someone see this,1
i feel like nobody really care if i m gone even my closest friend replaced and forgot about me i just want to sit in my room and rot i just want to stop existing last night wa the worst i couldn t sleep because i broke down and my head keep screaming i want to die i want to die i want to die i don t know if i want to ever get better when there s nothing to get better for i even got excited because i got covid before and thought if it get worse i could finally die but i just had to get better it wa my one chance to die and i got better i m so sick of living i m so sick of being abandoned by people i thought cared about me i just want to be gone and stop existing it s so painful it hurt to cry every night and exhaust myself to sleep in that way even waking up had me cry i m just waiting for something to happen to me so i don t have to kill myself instead to save my family from the shame they d experience if i took my own life instead,1
so i had a really really rough childhood growing up my parent were abusive to me and i lived in an area where i got into a lot of fistfight trying to make it to the next day wa the hardest battle i attempted suicide by trying to hang myself when i wa i think the attempt failed however it left me with some minor brain damage i have a very difficult time trying to remember thing and think about thing sometimes at time it feel like i can t even read english it just doesn t click with me i ll sit and stare at it for like minute at a time before i finally understand it a for the memory issue i have a difficult time recalling some thing that have happened i will completely forget about something that happened say minute ago that most people would instantaneously remember anyway so i ve been feeling extremely strange lately i moved away from my parent after i turned and now i live in a completely different state and i am doing much better but i feel like i m still there i feel the aura of my childhood house it felt heavy if that make sense something keep weighing me down i m also smelling food that aren t being cooked food that i used to eat when i wa there i smelled a very strong scent of digiornio s pizza earlier but nobody here wa cooking it i ve also been sleeping in through the day and waking up at night so this weird feeling is intensified by like 0 time everything feel so dreamlike and liminal i can t tell the difference between reality and fiction anymore why doesn t anything feel real am i wrong to distrust my eye ha anyone else felt this way it would bring me great comfort to know that i am not alone,1
i m so tired of the inertia of my life this never going anywhere meaningful for me i think about all the thing i d love to be doing and grow angry that certain circumstance constrain from doing them i hate that life is 9 doing thing because other people coerce you to do them i would like to feel like i have agency but you have very little when you re slaving away to just survive the worst thing is that this bid for survival is artificial and man made human being hate that other human have free will and must wring the autonomy from each other they use money and debt to control every aspect of your life they create law to tell you what to do with your body life and time i just want to do what i want to do with my finite life i want to accomplish what i want to accomplish not conform to society s view of materialistic success i want to live my life unencumbered by other people s stupid judgment i want to be free edit i m sorry if the above is incoherent i just feel so trapped in my life so helplessly trapped,1
i m am a year old male and i don t know if it s healthy to feel this way one of my relative is not feel so well and i myself feel like this have been affected me a lot recently and i also feel like i can t take all the thing at school i just feel like a total failure and that i will never be anything or get a good job and i feel like the only think i know is that i shan t to impress my dad but i just feel more shit every time i fail a test i feel like i m disappointing him more and more,1
im falling apart bad i fell from grace and i don t know where i m going where do i begin i m so insecure i just got a bad haircut today and i feel ugly i m and a guy im just constantly in pain a little over a month ago my girlfriend left me this wa on february th i had such a beautiful girlfriend who didn t care about my height she started liking me in high school i m starting to feel like i m giving up i miss her so much she treated me like i wa a human and now i have no faith in anyone else looking at me like that she wa with me for and a year and left me i feel like my life is crumbling i don t know how to stand back up and take back over i had a fall from what i thought would never end i never thought she would leave me i m literally just a pit of despair and i act everyday like i m not i go laugh a little go to class go to the gym it s all fake i feel like garbage inside i went to party the last week and had fun all fake my heart ha been in my stomach since she broke up with me and i m seriously falling apart i don t know what to do i can t even gather my thought on here to type what s the point anymore i m barely hanging in there anymore,1
i m 9 male and autistic i have never had a relationship with anyone not even a date i had a few crush but i m too shy and socially awkward to act on them when girl try to flirt or hit on me i miss the sign because my brain doesn t work properly so i accidentaly reject them just to realize what i did a few hour later and get even sadder because i blew another chance i don t understand how i m supposed to find a romantic partner but i really want one i also don t think i would make a good partner my sex drive is high every slight mention of anything sex related give me a semi i really want to lose my virginity but the idea of being that intimate with another person is terrifying to me i would have to break so many social boundary to let anyone get so close to me and i wouldn t be comfortable breaking those boundary for another person either i stopped trying to talk about this with people close to me because no one understands i just wish i didn t have to deal with all these urge i ll never be able to fulfill i hate my life,1
i feel like i didn t do a much a i should have done in term of content creation and getting myself out there during 0 9 and 0 0 i know there s obvious reason a to why i couldn t do some of this stuff in 0 0 but i sometimes get myself really down for not doing certain thing i could have done in that time on my own i try to comfort myself when i see others who did certain thing at my age but sometimes it not enough i really hate how i feel so disoriented with my age due to not feeling like i did enough what i wa supposed to i m thinking of trying to see if i can be prescribed anti depressant so i can feel le crappy about myself,1
bullying ha really given me trauma i have social anxiety because of it i wa bullied in middle school because i wa ugly and i went to a prestigious school so lot of rich kid i m poor and i wa bullied for my clothes i only have friend i m starting to hate going to school and want to become a shut in it s so unfair i used to be so confident and social and now i m scared of raising my hand in class to use the restroom i try to make up natural look for clothes now but i can t do anything about my stupid ugly face and i wish i had the courage to vent irl but i just passively wait for someone to ask first,1
i don t really feel like i could talk to anyone here about it i sure a hell don t have the motivation to get a therapist though it would likely help honestly sometimes i wonder how i m expected to make it so many year there s just no way i can afford to smoke enough weed to get through even though i graduate in a couple month and move to college i know it s not gon na get better it s the same but new and ill just get to relive this hell again truthfully i have no hope for the future despite my inability to pull my own plug i realized however i don t think i could kill myself not anymore so i ll just keep sitting here though i really don t want to,1
it all started a couple year ago when i wa about to start a new job i wa lucky and bet that the stock market would go down with the few thousand dollar i made from my internship of course this wa when covid wa just hitting so i became hugely profitable from only a couple thousand dollar to m in value in only a month thinking back on it i wa crazy reckless i made my first million and then le than a week later i made my second million i wa feeling incredible thought i could retire and never have to work again but like all gambler i kept putting my money in trying to make more and more of course with the risk i wa taking eventually it would all come crashing down fast forward today i m now k in debt plus another 0k in student loan on the surface my friend think i m hugely successful because i flexed i made m to them didn t spend a dime though just kept trying to make more and more i also make 00k a year 00k salary with the rest a a one time bonus but only have in my bank account currently i no longer play in the stock market but have recently been doing sport gambling of course i keep losing money on that there are time that i go on a nice streak but it s like every time i lose i keep trying to make back my loss which make me do even dumber play i m not sure what i m expecting by writing this but i feel so embarrassed to tell the people i m close with my girlfriend of multiple year know that i no longer have a lot of money but don t know i m in debt my parent are super supportive but i m too embarrassed to tell them how bad my situation is i guess that s why i m writing to a bunch of stranger online i know my pursuit of trying to make back my money is wrong but i can t stop trying to get out of debt i feel so dumb it s like i see a rock in front of me but i keep on tripping over it it feel like i m slowly unraveling and feeling incredibly hopeless i can t sleep thinking about how my life ha gone downhill in such a short period of time my younger self would be straight up embarrassed if he could see me now i don t have suicidal thought yet but no longer feel the same motivation in life that i used to if only i never made that money in the first place,1
i have been caught in a cycle of depression v being hyper active it is a struggle to stay focused in either of those state of being doe anyone have a track or a song or even something you made yourself to help get out of this hole i love music and i need a new sound please help,1
why do i feel like when i m about to talk to someone i always see what am i lacking and how to provide solution for it and then not going to tell it in the end wtf,1
i m really starting to believe my life will not get better i ve been so sad for so long i don t see a fkin point sorry for the rant just really over life and fkin shit people,1
my entire body hurt i m so weak it took me minute to finally pick up my phone from my nightstand and type this i can t get myself to eat i m starving if the bathroom wasn t right next to me i d be having issue i m supposed to be doing school i can t even think about it right now i sleep hour a day and spend the rest of it wishing i could sleep more i feel like i m captive in my own bed i look disgusting i wish i could just die in my sleep i feel so much pain this is what hell must feel like my parent can t afford to institutionalize me therapy doesn t help my life ha no structure if suicide doesn t kill me then i ll die of dehydration or malnutrition i m stuck here and left to rot i need help my situation is dire but what do i even do at this point honestly i ll just kill myself and i ll no longer be a burden to my family,1
i went to a friend wedding with my boyfriend today and had a pretty bad episode we walked into the venue and i felt fine ten minute later i m having a panic attack in the bathroom i wa mute the entire time disassociating i couldn t eat i had so much anxiety we had to leave early amp i just felt so embarrassed my bf is very supportive and understanding but i still feel guilty and burdensome i wish i didn t get hit so hard by the low,1
hey everyone i ve been a long time reader of this sub and i wan na say first of all that i wish you all the best of life truly i m writing this in great sadness my life isn t bad i ve got a good family awesome friend there s nothing obviously wrong about me i study i work i m in my early 0 i ve made the life for myself that i thought i should and needed to have the problem is there s absolutely nothing about my life that make me happy that i can say that truly satisfies and fulfills me about two year ago i decided to made some radical change in my life i lost a ton of weight i started working more on my look my social skill budding up my confidence i got a job that despite being shitty af ha made me somewhat independent financially i feel like i ve come so far like i ve overcome so much yet right now i m writing you this in such a deep sadness i simply feel sad i feel empty i feel alone mostly i feel alone i feel misunderstood i feel like i m out of place i don t belong anywhere that i try to go t i don t belong to anyone and it s been like this every single day for the last year i feel like i m going mad i ve tried all i can and i truly mean this all that i possible could have done to find even the slightest resemblance of happiness but i haven t sometimes it feel like i m finding a way like i m finding some light but then suddenly it all go away i m tired guy it s my biggest shame in life to have to admit this that i somehow find myself in my early 0 saying i don t have any will to live the many year of life that i still have ahead of me and yet this is the truth i m tired and i don t want to continue not this way at least sometimes i wonder why me why did it happen to me,1
i just don t know what to do i m too cowardly to just end my life once and for all but at the same time i just can t fucking take it anymore i don t get why good thing happen to bad people and bad thing happen to good people this world is unfair and bullshit and the people in it are toxic what should i do,1
i ve been feeling really down recently don t really want to be alive but i know that if i tell my therapist i am suicidal she ll put in me in a psych ward so while i will tell her i m sad and depressed and why i m those thing but i won t tell her more don t really want to be in a ward probably won t try to kill myself if i m being homest but don t want to be alive,1
i feel hopeless like time is passing by and i m just here useless like nothing i do or say can change a goddamn thing i m tired of feeling this way but a soon a i get close to getting out of this hole something reel me right back in i don t have anyone to share these thought with so here i am i feel stupid for even posting how i feel like i should have someone to spill this to but i don t stupid pathetic worthless it s all that defines how i feel,1
this is a rant i saw a video about how this one person love every day of the week for a different reason and i immediately started cry cause i realized i can t remember the last time i wa excited to wake up the next day i haven t brushed my teeth in day my room is absolutely disgusting the stupidest thing make me sad or angry i got mud on my shoe bawled for hour dropped and spilt my drink cried got a craving for cooky but knew i wouldn t make them cried i feel like every day is a loop i m only and i miss school at least once a week and now my mom force me to go because of my many absence and it s sooo hard i feel like a disappointment to my parent because at the beginning of the year and i always have been a straight a student in advanced class now my grade are filled with c s and d s even though i m trying so hard,1
like a battery in a remote s back that keep it working i wish i could also remove the battery and just turn off for a while,1
this isn t getting better and i don t want to be here anymore,1
hi i ve been focusing on my mental health recently and i think i have depression here are my symptom i am constantly irritated i do not like any human interaction whatsoever for some reason i just don t like dealing with other people this varies from day to day i don t know if it s from past experience but i can t stand other people physically i have no energy finding interest in anything is an arduous task for me i am happy for those close to me that achieve or accomplish something but i just can t express it i notice this because i don t smile or act happy when it happens i have no motivation i am financially confident but i don t see the value of my work i don t know that to do with the reward i have earned with work i sleep a lot i probably sleep around 0hrs a day if anyone can explain if i do from past experience or if you are a professional please reply thanks,1
i just spent a good half of my morning trying to convince myself to get up and go to class how it is unbelievably stupid that i wa and had been skipping all the class just to lay around in bed practically doing nothing how my parent and relative would be disappointed that their money is being wasted on me me who don t know what i want to do have no idea why i m even still breathing all these good reason to get up and brush my teeth and go to class and i just pulled my blanket over my head and wait till it wa too late god why am i like this,1
my first appointment is on saturday but i can t fucking wait this out it s only two more day i need fucking help but it s over a fucking zoom call and i really can not keep going on anymore i need help so bad i don t feel comfortable talking to anybody else fuck this should i just die already i can t keep waking up anymore,1
just curious i ve been prescribed psychiatric medication my whole life and not a single one ha ever worked for me the best it could do is make me tired but in every other case it either did nothing or did something but not in a good way for example adderall and zoloft when i took adderall routinely in 0 9 i became malnourished because it killed my appetite and my teeth started breaking i developed clubbing on my fingertip and i wa manic depressed suicidal irate pissed off anxious scared and stressed the fuck out constantly every single day for 9 month straight with little to no break whatsoever from march december 0 9 zoloft made me sick a a dog that one morning i took it on an empty stomach there wa other stuff i didn t like too like trazodone which i started taking when it first came out and it wa like a huge trapezoid shaped pill that wa painful to swallow although they later changed this which made me uncomfortably tired a if i were being tranquilized then risperdal which made me have weird thought and grow tit and another one that wa really bad wa rexulti which wa rather new and experimental at the time i took it and after taking one of them i experienced full blown psychosis depakote did nothing for me whatsoever and clonidine made me a zombie when i first started taking it and all remeron doe is made me tired i wa actually given a dna test by my old doctor and she found that hardly any psychiatric medication of any sort including antidepressant and antipsychotic would work given my chemistry but she did find that i wa very receptive to cannabinoids the only psych med that ever made me feel good wa thorazine i took at a psychiatric intake when i wa upset and it kinda made me feel stoned from the best of my memory but then again i only took it one time the only medication that ha ever worked for me is marijuana hemp like the delta ape blunts that are delta 9 and 0 thc because delta 9 even in hemp is still controlled with no more than 0 allowed in a product since it is the psychoactive component in regular cannabis that get you too high and cause all that trippy paranoia shit you usually get off stronger stuff and even then this ha only been legal since 0 i ve noticed that weed not only uplift my mood when i m on it but even after it make me happy and improves my mental state in the long term the only time when i m not happy is when i m dry you re not you when you re sober no amount of chemical in a lab is going to fix that,1
i started seroquel week ago and i don t feel like myself all i want to do is sleep i work hour shift a week and it s all i can do to get through them i keep reminding myself i can t quit because i need my health insurance so i can get my antidepressant i m so tired my parent deserve a better daughter my friend deserve a better friend my boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend,1
i can t take it anymore,1
lately i ve been feeling like i want to go to meeting like aa but with people struggling with depression or people that defeated it i don t know if this exist anywhere in the world i just know that it doesn t exists in my city have anyone experienced this if so can you tell me how is it like i feel like i have a lot to share but it s not necessarily good or i m feeling better and don t get me wrong im in therapy but i just feel like i have to share more and with people who s living the same thing,1
but telling them im not will just make them worry they got their own problem dont need mine too,1
of everything hating being alive hating myself being bitter and lonely i see it only getting worse i want to just die,1
i already called in yesterday for work i wa up all night laying here just awake counting down the hour to work wa so exhausted by the time work came around that i called in and even then i couldn t sleep it s now 0 pm and i ve gotten under an hour of sleep in the last 0 hr i m starting to worry a bit this month ha been so hard for me i literally almost walked into traffic on the way to work last week been cry so much i m so alone and it really scare me because i m going through all of this by myself,1
being a short man in america is terrible it is terrible how we r treated in the dating world for something we can t change people say oh well suck it up but they don t know how it feel to watch your crush in h laugh u off a u ask her to prom to just go out with the tall d football kid i ve honestly thought of ending it all at this point because there s no point in living this life i don t even want to have kid if they end up being short this cruel world will just chew them up and spit them out,1
i need friend i am so sad and lonely please help,1
i m so bored with life i know it s not worth living i don t have anyone to hang out with or do thing with so all i do is go to work and stay home i m an adventurous outdoorsy and outgoing person and love getting out there and doing thing but i have no transportation and don t know how to ride a bike i can barely afford to take lyft and uber to work and back home my life ha no excitement to it and there is nothing interesting about it everything is pointless like i work in a grocery store a an order picker for example and what s the point of helping people shop for grocery they are going to need again the next week it s the same thing day after day and week after week it s all pointless what we do today won t matter in a month or year i m just done with this whole life thing sometimes i get legitimately pissed off for the simple fact that i wa even born and not aborted i wish every day my birth mom aborted me now i m just a worthless sack of shit taking up space and sucking up air i have tried making my life worth living by moving to a warmer climate getting a better job and starting my own business but the excitement of it all wear off everything turned out to be a flop i can t do anything right since i don t belong here i firmly believe my existence is an accident not they type of accident of an unplanned pregnancy but like i wa never meant to exist type of accident i realized a long time ago i don t belong in this world and i honestly don t want to be a part of it anymore,1
someone pls tell me how to get over this i m currently nearly so i ve known this guy for year met him early 0 9 i know this sound stupid af but i met him online on minecraft when i wa nearly so i wa and at that time my sister had attempted suicide multiple time i had no friend at school and didn t go outside for week it wa school summer holiday i spent all my time playing minecraft with him on call and would message him all night when i wasn t playing the game he s also american and i m british went back to school and had like friend and carried on talking to him he started to like me and told me that but i literally did not like him at all and wanted to just be friend a i thought dating online wa weird anyway we ended up stopping talking a i moved on with my life made more friend at school and started being a normal teen with a normal life boy etc probably around early 0 0 i started talking to him again a i messaged him on instagram we spoke for a day then wouldn t talk for or so and this went on for a few month then we stopped talking completely novemeber 0 0 i dropped out on school in year 0 due to mental health issue and wa really at my lowest point i started talking to him again btw i barely remember anything from 0 0 bc i think my mental health just f cked up my brain we spoke for hour every night and day i m just adding that he s hispanic he skate his voice is so nice and he s literally my entire type anyway we talked and talked and we both fell in love he made me feel like a person he made me feel like everything i felt like nothing for so long and like i didn t belong and nothing made me happy and he just fixed everything me being me i would cause argument with him when he didn t reply within like 0 minute which ik wa so wrong of me to do i ruined everything by just keep going on at him for being dry etc because i wa so scared he would fall out of love with me he started being distant with me and talking to me le and not being like he used to be it really upset me what i mean by that is i would not eat i would not sleep i would stalk everything he wa doing i ended up getting blocked by him on absolutely everything even spotify it ruined me i made new account to get unblocked and the whole talking for age him being dry getting blocked repeated about time up until now he doesn t love me anymore he told me he wa all i ever wanted in a person last time i wa blocked it wa for about month life wa pointless without him he s just some guy online who could be doing whatever and i wouldn t know because i live thousand of mile from him but i love him i don t know why but i have this obsession with him i don t even think it s love anymore he is on my mind with no exaggeration everytime someone mention his name i smile and get butterfly i don t want to be here anymore if he isn t in my life his mood affect my mood i m currently still talking to him but he s dry which make me feel so depressed sometimes i think he ha a love spell on me or some shit he changed he used to be so nice and innocent then he went to high school and smoke weed and talk differently and treat me like i m just there like i m not a person anyway when i m talking to him and he s dry i don t want to talk to him anymore when i don t talk to him i want to literally die it s a cycle i m never going to get out of please don t tell me to meet someone new because i ve already tried that i started meeting guy to try and get over him but he s always in my head with everything i do he s already in my mind and i can never let him go he doesn t care if i don t talk to him anymore he s only staying because he probably feel like he ha to no one else can compare to him i don t know why i m like this and i hate myself for it i hate myself and he s the only one to make it okay pls help i know i m young but it s messing with my head,1
can anyone help me out with this it s been year since i have these thought flying inside my head and i genuinely don t know how i am still alive sometimes when i m driving i think about crashing my car other time i think about having an overdose or jumping off a cliff i don t know what s wrong with me i don t really have any reason to be sad or anything the trauma i dealt with i overcame them so i don t know what s happening these intrusive thought hunt me i don t know why i am not depressed nor do i feel down sad and i really mean this i don t know where this all come from please be kind,1
throwaway account for privacy reason i just graduated with an advanced degree and got into job search i ve been struggling with depression for year and i think at first it wa the high functioning kind but in the last few year it seemed to have turned to the demotivational kind of depression i m tired all the time and i always pick the easy thing to do easy entertainment watch thing mindlessly easy way to go to sleep scroll on my phone until i m too tired to stay awake etc it come and go in wave too sometimes i d get the energy to do thing or to do something along the line of self improvement other time i would just want to sleep i ve learned that some thing trigger depressive episode much faster than others but i m not sure how to let these trigger pas without the episode full on hitting me for instance one of the trigger is a perceived sense of being excluded from thing or being rejected or being shown or told that i m not good enough can you tell that i suffer from an inferiority complex anyway today that trigger came from one of my tennis group friend who wanted to set up a play session every two week for advanced player in our amateur tennis group this doesn t conflict with any of our other scheduled play session and i know that i m not good enough to be in the advanced group all of my tennis friend are good people and i know that there s always going to be room in the advanced group for people who improve and get to that level even knowing all this i got so depressed over the span of about minute that i just stopped functioning i think that since this group of friend ha been my only real support for the last few year anything that happens in the group that i see a a rejection of myself just instantly take me down now that i m in the middle of it it feel like the only thing i can do is wait for it to pas because talking out of it or building myself up don t work when all i can think about is how i ve failed everything and that i ve never and will never live up to anyone s standard including my own sorry for the long selfish post i m struggling daily with imposter syndrome and a sense of inadequacy the trigger just happened to be this particular thing today,1
i live at home and i love my parent but i m beginning to spiral after an incident month ago i ve been profoundly depressed and stressed out i wa renting but moved back home to save money while trying to get myself back in order especially because my med stopped working i m an only child and my parent have no friend so now that i m back home all they want to do is constantly talk to me i already have poor sleep a it is but it could be am and my dad will shake me awake to talk about a car or his work day or my mom will come in and talk to me about my finance or why i never talk to her about my mental health one time recently i had been woken up so abruptly i could feel my entire nervous system jolt like i had been struck by lighting even thinking about it make my entire body randomly hurt i never get to be alone anymore i try to get alone time but i never get it for more than a couple hour at an time bc of the sleep deprivation i hallucinate now i hear and see thing i honestly wish somthing would happen to me and it would just all end life s so stressful and the little thing aren t fun anymore i hate myself i hate everything i used to love nothing fun anymore what s the fucking point,1
so i m have been feeling down rather often the last few year but these last few month im feeling constantly down my life just feel stuck everyday when my alarm ring i just cant get out of bed even tho i usually sleep for hour or so i end up laying in bed for or hour thinking about how shitty my life is and how i dont make progress at all i also get suicidal thought alot even tho i dont have any intention to harm myself in any way i dont want to die but smh my brain doesnt get that so yesterday i decided to finally get help and call my doc for an appointment before making that call i sat there and stared at the number contemplating if i really wanted to do this i made a list and wrote down reason why i want to get help and reason why i dont everything just pointed to me making that call and after hour i finally pressed call so then i wa on the phone with a woman at my doctor office i told her with a kinda shaky voice that i would like an appointment she asked what it wa about and i told her that i felt rather bad lately had trouble sleeping and am feeling tired alot i didnt feel comfortable sharing that i feel depressed she said she doesnt have a free spot in the next few week and told me i should come in without an appointment on thursday or friday so now im here without an appointment contemplating if i should actually go there tomorrow it kinda suck that im in the situation before the phonecall again where i have to make that decision to get help im so nervous about getting help i dont know what i should even say i dont know how to talk about my feeling i dont even know if ill make it out of bed tonorrow before the doctor office close im so afraid about revealing this about me but i dont think i can pull myself out of this without help can someone maybe give me some kind word and share their experience with finally opening up so my anxiety about this come to an ease,1
so i ve been working really hard this last year on overcoming mdd agoraphobia and social issue over the last year i ve gone from making it out of the house for hour a month long enough to go to the doctor and grocery shopping to managing 0 hour a week i m still working up to doing thing on successive day it usually take a day or so to recover otherwise thing start getting rough but it s significantly better than before not advocating this approach it s what worked for me and may not work for others i had a lot of sensitivity to what wa being prescribed and it wa causing more harm than good talk with a professional before doing anything medication related part of what seemed to help wa getting away from medication over year we tried or so different thing and it just didn t work well now the hardest thing i do is caffeine and multivitamin there is a noticable difference in energy level and depression if i go more than a few day without vitamin so if you aren t taking any you may want to look into them i had been pushing thing the last couple month and wa starting to have burnout issue it wa hard not to a i felt like i wa starting to break through thing i m working at a different approach now just going until i start to feel uncomfortable and stopping if it s feasible rather than pushing until i have a full panic episode i m not getting a much done every day but so far i m starting each day more consistently it a little difficult stopping when i feel like i can keep going but i m hopeful that the better consistency will be more productive in the long term a bad a thing were a couple year ago to where they are now give me hope for others too i wa going to bed praying for death and cursing every morning i woke up i have hope and have truly started to love myself if you re going through a hard time thing can get better love you all take care and be well,1
can your job fire you if you attend an intensive outpatient program and need to work part time while you attend my therapist and psychiatrist said they would not be able to but my therapist wasn t entirely sure,1
for the last 0ish or so year i ve spent most of my day wishing i wa never born my first suicide attempt wa when i wa in nd grade i held a giant kitchen knife to my heart and stood in my kitchen daring myself to fall over and honestly if it weren t for the pain it would ve caused my parent i wish i had nothing ha any meaning at all for me anymore and honestly never ha i m afraid all the time i feel like complete shit my anxiety ha gotten so bad i can no longer work which wa the only way i ever contributed anything i hate myself i hate myself so much if i could go back in time i would shove that knife so far into my heart without a second thought i wish i had the strength to take myself out of the picture but accomplishing anything ha never been my strong suit my wife just asked me if she could get me anything and the first thing that popped into my head wa a gun and hollow point bullet but i m too weak to even take that step i have stage kidney disease i can t work i feel like garbage all the fucking time last year i passed out and broke my face i can t stop thinking about blacking out like that again and never waking up i fantasize about it every day i m a burden to everyone around me and if it wasn t for my son and the fact that i m incapable of accomplishing simple task anymore i would totally take myself out i have friend but none that i feel like i can talk to about this i m so alone i can t do this anymore i m seeing therapist i ve gone to partial hospitalization for anxiety nothing will work though because i m totally broken and unfixable i m not worth fixing nor do i know how i haven t done anything terrible to anyone or ever hurt anyone my life is just empty and it always ha been a blackhole of worthlessness that take all the joy fun and cheer out of a room split it a part and make it completely unrecognizable i m the worst person i know personally everything just feel so hard my wife just told me today that we have a meeting with social security for disability benefit tomorrow and there wa some paperwork that needed to be handled i completely lost it for 0 minute after she told me that i couldn t stop thinking about way to kill myself before the meeting tomorrow i m so not ok and not being around anymore would definitely be better than existing a i currently am amp x 00b sorry this is a rambling mess i m really fucked up right now and i just needed to get this off my chest i m not going to actually kill myself that is waaaaay more effort than i currently have energy for,1
i am 0 married year this october and a four year old about to start school none of this matter when i m expected to pick up the slack for my family and their failing my sister wa diagnosed with schizophrenia my parent have no idea how to deal with it having lived with chronic depression their entire life and relying on faith to get them through she s refusing treatment medication and in denial of her condition it s a constant cycle of her being unstable hospitalized until shes able to manipulate the doctor that she s okay and go home to torment u my brother is leaving his military job after year and freaking out because he doesn t think he ll survive a a civilian i m fairly certain he ha his own mental issue stemming from way back but he s also just barnacled on to me for guidance i wanted to kill myself i wa about to and i called and got help and i ve been on medication for year i struggled with alcoholism in my early 0 and decided to stay sober for my daughter and i m finding it hard to hang on with all of this going on i m finding it hard to help people who don t want to help themselves but if i don t then everything just go to hell and i m the one to blame because i m the smart one and have to guide everyone where they re supposed to go it s exhausting having to care for people who refuse to accept they have issue i feel like i m being punished for being the only one in my family for having had the fortitude to acknowledge my mental illness it s taking a toll on my marriage and i am scared of the consequence of what that would entail i worry for my child because if i can t take care of myself then i can t take care of her i m staring at the same abyss that wa before me those year ago when i wa spiraling and i don t want to be here again anyway thanks for hearing me out reddit i just needed to verbalize it to make sure i m not just imagining it all,1
for the last week my mental health had been in a good place but i recently got some bad news and i already can feel myself spiralling like crazy what are some good way to ground myself i have tried breathing technique and i am on some medication for the first time in my life i have the urge to get a bottle of vodka and drink it i just want to be sitting at my desk happy and laughing and maybe this will help sorry about the formatting i have an injured hand at the moment,1
i know vain reason to be depressed but i ve been so rejected all my life that it would be good to know if somebody remembers me,1
i ve just had enough of everything i don t know what to do anymore or who to talk to i tried to end my life twice through overdose and that didn t work i have episode where i just don t want to be here anymore i get agitated and it doesn t matter what anyone say or doe it doesn t make it any better i fear that i will have an episode of contemplating suicide and i ll just jump off a bridge it s like my mind take over and i don t think of anyone else my last resort is sectioning and i know what it s like i live in uk but i feel like that would be the safest environment for me where i can focus on getting better without having that constant worry of ending my life can anyone provide any advice at all i would appreciate it i just feel like my life is so pointless growing up with a disability being bullied always feeling different to everyone else childhood trauma and now having a constant battle everyday with my mental health i try to get on with life but i always feel like it would be better if i wasn t here,1
i wish thing were different in life i m just a useless piece of shit that deserves to die i deserve all the pain i m about to receive that s just the way it is,1
i feel completely exhausted my life isn t going anywhere and i ve got nobody to turn to,1
i am struggling with depression for about a year now it make me do thing i don t want to do i ve lost a good friend that i ve known over year because my mind told me to hate him i started calling him name and told him that i want this friendship to end i apologized so many time explained everything and tried to stay in contact but now we just go our way my best friend know about my depression and always support me but today they started arguing with me i think they are getting sick of me my mind tell me to hate them too but i luckily can t bring myself to cut them off my body is very often freezing i m sometimes even heavily shaking because of this idk why is this related to my depression my suicidal thought are getting worse i don t really want to die but i don t want to live either wait no i do want to die but i am too afraid of failing an attempt and having to live with the injury i might get doe anyone else have these problem doe anyone know how to deal with this also doe anyone wan na talk i feel lonely and i don t want to bother my friend,1
i spent my whole life being bullied by everyone including biological family now i m an adult and i m forced to make money quick and the only way in my situation is college and a job i don t wan na spend my whole working and being bullied at home that s not my life anymore i want the freedom of death i considered it year ago but now it s the real thing i got ta make the decision now and i m just thinking about how relieving it would be realize the knife is already in too deep and there s no going back the only thing that matter now is nothing and that s how it ll always be i really really really want that so bad especially now when i realized i can t wait out my pain any longer,1
yeah i know most people probably see all this a a joke but i ve seriously got no friend or anyone to talk or turn to it s seriously bringing me down even more it s a if i m not even good enough for an online friendship my depression make me feel so isolated and lonely in life and i m sick of it,1
i m just a complete mess right now,1
i have rewritten this post a hundred time and i have lurked this page trying to build up the courage to write my own i don t even care if anyone read this but i need to just finally get it off my chest a i have no one to confide in due to my career if i get help for my mental health i am basically saying goodbye to everything i have been working towards but i can t take it anymore everyday i pretend to be the picture perfect person who only feel happiness i hide how i am truly feeling and it ha become so exhausting to just get out of bed everyday my whole life ha been filled with abandonment and people who have only used me for their own personal gain no one ha ever truly cared for me not even my so called family i have isolated myself from everyone around me to prevent any further pain in doing this i have isolated myself from feeling any emotion at all i ve tried working through my abandonment issue and began to let people in and trust more just for them to show me exactly why i cut everyone out to begin with i am always alone and i feel a though i am no longer living i am just here taking up space and air i have felt this way for long that i don t even know if i have any real emotion anymore i don t know what to do i just want to feel something again,1
why do i feel worthless,1
im y o my mom died when i wa 9 and ever since then ive had no motivation to do anything i used to be into sport a lot football baseball basketball track and i wa pretty good at it too but ever since my mom passed i just cant seem to be happy fr people always ask me why i gave up why my grade went down why im not how i wa year ago when i go to school im a pretty popular person and i d like to think im a pretty funny person and fun person to be around but when i get home im alone just me and my thought and it literally killing me ive thought about killing myself multiple time and im sure the only reason i haven t is because i couldn t put my father through that please give me some type of advice i honestly dont think i can do this any longer amp x 00b i posted this under a different subreddit about two week ago i took the advice people gave to me and it didint work everything just feel like it wont get better no matter how hard i try i genuinely feel like there no escape and that killing myself is the best option people always say oh you need to do what would make your mother happy okay and what about what make me happy i wan na play sport again so badly but my dad to scared to let me because he doesn t want me to lose sight in my other eye to be honest football basketball and baseball where some of the only thing that made me happy and now that i cant play them it just make everything worse i just miss my mom she wa the only person that made me happy really and i really didnt even get that much time with her,1
it s so exhausting waking up every morning instantly with a wave of sadness and discontent then the whole day is filled with me trying to keep my mind off of my own thought and trying to chase little happiness i m tired of this why can t i just wake up happy and in a good mood like everyone else i m so exhausted and tired of living like this nothing help and nothing sustains it i try to workout but that doesn t help i m at a loss of thing to do about it this isn t how i want to live life and it s exhausting and more of a burden,1
hey everyone i recently moved to another country for work this seemed like the best option due to lack of option in my own country the move came just after various treatment facility to manage addiction which i believe wa a side affect of my depression my experience in this new country ha been hectic no one can speak english so making new friend and connection are so difficult i have found myself wallowing in this outside of work i pretty much just sit in my apartment feeling really sad last night i had a dream that pushed me to a new low this morning the dream pretty much had me in a group of friend having a good time i don t remember any of their face there wa even a girl that i remember making me feel loved i dont remember her face either but that connection left me feeling so so alone,1
i ve been lying for year about how i feel right to people face i feel like i can never be the real me a it would burden other people with my feeling i always sabotage myself by keeping to myself until i break and hurt the other people around me but i just can t get out of the hole i ve dug for myself i m completely burnt out and don t have any motivation to do anything anymore i mean my day literally consist of listening to music and not much else because it s one of the few thing i find joy in i don t enjoy many thing anymore because everything i care about always get taken away i don t understand why i exist at this point is it just to lie to and hurt the people i care for,1
yeah two people fucked and now i m here i know i know but that s not what i m getting at really why the fuck am i here i have no redeeming quality can t maintain friendship childhood emotional neglect very bad social anxiety depression anxiety ha absolutely fucked my short term cognitive memory i could go on and on but i m not going to because i m simply too fucking tired to do so,1
i don t know what i want i want logic but it s depressing i want hope but it s uncertain i want peace but alway feel at war am i the villain,1
doe anyone else think that depression can t be cured treatment resistant depression is a term that i think about and seeing that some people may just be born to have it and deal with it for life no matter what you could have the most idealistic life imaginable and have no identifiable trigger and still be depressed and if it s down to serotonin dopamine or whatever anyone think is happiness isn t working and nothing is making a difference then what is there to fix it i m told about coping mechanism from everyone i talk to about it who s qualified and a a psychology uni dropout the little i think i ve learned ha not given any answer that satisfy this a coping these day just isn t something that make sense to me a everything i try feel like a waste of effort to distract from the inevitable thought of wanting to essentially meet the earth and feeling nothing no idea really why i m asking this a it s not really going to be a easy post to find a reply for i understand that but it doe kind of seem that feeling crap all the time could just be a natural decision made by whoever whatever or nothing beforehand for u to deal with until the end,1
hello i am year old an an male i feel completly empty especally when iam in shool i laugh but i dont find the joke funny at all i just dont wan na make them feel bad but it hurt me fake laughting and when iam home i am glad that i am away from shool because for me shool is like an room where everyday it the same thing but in different subject i just feel empty thank you for reading my text sorry for my bad english,1
so me and my boyfriend met at we were friend for yr first we had the same grade in school and got into the same top university fast forward to our final year at university my boyfriend take a different major to me he is getting top grade and had a great job lined after he graduate i on the other hand have completely given up on life i gave up learning to drive seeing my friend going to class i m probably not graduating i gave up on wanting to do something with my art aswell i spent my last year physically and mentally ill i worked so many hour a a a waitress because my family are really low on money but ive even given up on working a lot he s just more bubbly and smart compared to me he s also not a poor a i am he s just better than me,1
i don t have motivation to do anything concerning school or work i m constantly tired despite getting proper amount of sleep i don t have any particular emotion towards anything i ve grown to hate the idea of going out with friend now because of how ugly i feel and low i think about myself i always think about my weight thinking what to eat and when i ve never had thought about sh until a few day ago for the past four month i ve been feeling like i have depression hating my life ha become the new norm for me and i keep waiting for when this feeling will end with no luck,1
today i took the very scary choice of going to the hospital i don t know if i needed to but i wasn t sure how safe i wa and wanted to be careful a few hour a benzo and a long therapy session later i wa out and feeling pretty great about myself i did the right thing i relied on professional help i made sure i wasn t burdening my family and then my wife told me she didn t want me to come home and this just fucking broke me can you imagine getting out of the hospital after a surgery or accident and having your spouse tell you they don t want to see you would anyone say after you got out your appendix you weren t there for me today so i don t want to see you i understand and respect that being with someone with a mental illness is really hard i have done so many thing that would totally justify leaving me but what s breaking me is that the thing that i am getting turned away for wasn t my horrible behavior but the time i did the right thing the time i got help,1
my mood change fast and i don t think i am bipolar a it s usually a reason why my mood change and it can all change in a day like i m in a good mood and then like couple hour past and i just get negative thought and i m down again like i already lost people this year my ex best friend who used to be my best friend like year ago and losing him a a friend this year didn t really hurt a it wa my decision to cut him out of my life he wa a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good the one thing that hurt is losing my sister a we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and ha a lot of friend and she doesn t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though i m the older sibling i m and she s 0 it s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though i have a best friend that is good to me and i am talking to a girl but i m just worried it will end a i m just bad with my emotion probably because of my anxiety i m really not sure how i can get better like sometimes i feel great it feel like euphoric even like i m more hyper talkative and confident but it never last long and then i m just back to my usual mood just being sad depressed and anxious i know somethings wrong with me probably i tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn t really help me i m on an antidepressant a well which ha never worked on me i just take it a it make me sleep i hate living like this i just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that i can stop all the negative thought and i hate it it feel like my life is a mess it s so much effort to get out of my bed and i just hate my life like wtf sometimes i feel like going to thailand and becoming spiritual or something,1
i m currently trying to go no contact with narcissistic family it s so hard to do because i have younger sibling who i can t contact or help at all parent are using them a leverage against me i don t have their landline blocked because that s the only way my sibling can reach me if need be so once every few month i receive a call from my father love bombing me i feel like i m going crazy i have so much guilt disappointment anger and more i ve been trying all week to get into therapy but my insurance is being a po and every place that supposedly is in network turn out not to be the only thing keeping me going is knowing i need to be better to help my sibling and staying strong for my bf and his family they are all i have which kill me i have no family no substantial friend i feel so alone and like no one is willing to work with me to help i m trying to not get suicidal or self harm but i m on the verge of having a mental breakdown unless something give,1
there is nothing more suffocating than the feeling that youre gon na live your life alone it take a lot of strength to not fall apart specially if you already tasted what is like to share your life with someone and knowing that youre gon na be all on your own by the rest of the path i ve spent the last year dreaming abour growing old with someone i consider to be a gift from the heaven only for that dream to be shattered a week ago it s been more than 0 day and im still stuck in despair i cant even sleep in my bed without thinking of him i refuse to find somsomeone else because whats the point in trying to top perfection only to poorly fill the whole your ex left and get your already pulverized heart shattered once more i ve lost my passion to live i ve been carrying anxiety and panic attack for a few year i wa already barely holding it together but this i just the last straw i dont even have a shoulder to cry on anymore what s the point,1
i don t know how to get better i m gon na pursue help because of someone really important to me i feel like i ve been bad to them or just that they deserve better and sometimes i just don t know how to try hard enough or feel something sometimes and it kill me inside i m worried the people i go to for help professional won t understand me or won t be able to help me i just wan na get better for this person so i can always have a clear head and understand what s going on and try my best for them all i wan na tell them is i m sorry i m sorry,1
i feel worse than ever i need more burn than i thought i started using cigarette burn i thought this wa going to be better than cutting but it s worse much much worse i need help the guy i talked to in dm wa right i need help i just don t know where to start,1
no not everyone suffered from depression not everyone found everything exhausting yeah everyone had their own struggle that cant be compared to another but not everyone got depressed from their struggle i just dong understand why god pick me to have depression life is so unfair i ve been thinking about this about a few day,1
i am on the train with feeling of regret sadness lonliness disappointment and nostalgia most importantly dealing with uncertainty about the future we could die tomorrow thus the train crashed killing me i could end up homeless i could end up penniless i could end up in a wheelchair i could be super disabled i m just trying to make good with what i have and to not be sorry for what i don t hope is an addictive drug that stimulates dopamine but depression give me doubt,1
i really struggle with depression and increadibly miserable thought about myself and what i do i also struggle with realising what i like or enjoy doing wearing watching etc in a few word i struggle with knowing my interest i feel no emotion for life at all i just see myself doing everyday stuff i need to survive a a human being do you have any suggestion on how i can help myself on speaking much better about myself and what i like sth to enjoy and be interested in like should i tell myself repetitively for instance i enjoy dancing rather than i just do it because i have to because some people say i do it beautifully but i m not sure about it or i don t feel good about it should i write down everyday sth like for instance i write well i read well i like writing i enjoy writing instead of i just write beacuse is needed at work because i have to people use to say i speak well in front of people but i just do it i don t feel anything it s known that depression steal u the joy of life and everyday existance it steal our curiosity in everything i leave everything because i feel no interest on it i just want to feel engaged in sth i m exhausted of not feeling anything good but i have no money for therapy atm can you help me thanks is advance,1
im the last hour everything fell apart my wife is kow filing for divorce anyone got advice on how to live with yourself and the world if that happens,1
month almost of being chronically unwell and not the same person because of shithead fucking parent forced me to go back on a medication that didn t help nobody cared i wa lulled into thinking it could never do something like this to me no positive covid test no positive test for other virus like lyme i guess lexapro just decided to ruin my life for whatever reason i m not linking my story for the millionth fucking time i m this is my life fuck this i can t even cry because the medication fucked my brain up so badly,1
i am so tired of living i don t think i ve been truly passionate about anything since i wa year old i am turning in a few month mentally i still feel like i am year old there are so many experience and opportunity that i have missed out on over the year and it s so difficult to imagine a future for myself after college because i don t have the energy or the motivation to do anything but the bare minimum for the longest time in high school i didn t have plan for college because i didn t see myself making it past i feel like i am presently existing past my life s expiration date i chose to pursue fine art in college because drawing is the one thing i am genuinely talented at and yet i dread every moment i have to sit down and draw this semester i shortened my course load to two online class and one in person class and i am still struggling to keep up it s incredibly difficult for me to focus on anything for more than minute before i feel exhausted i have been told that i am talented enough to sell print of my art yet i can barely make piece to add to my professional portfolio i m too afraid to let myself think about what i am even going to do once i graduate because i know this disorder ha completely destroyed any semblance of a work ethic that i may have once had i am slowly losing all my friend because i can t do anything fun anymore two of my closest friend who are also my roommate don t invite me to anything social anymore i am saddened by this but wonder if i even have the right to feel that way a i probably wouldn t go if i wa invited a i don t have the energy for anything anymore i shortened my course load to two online class and one in person class and i am still struggling to keep up every time i feel remotely okay it last for what feel like a second and then i m sinking down even deeper sometimes i wish i could lay down fall asleep and never wake up i don t even feel sad i just feel nothing at all,1
i am so tired of having depression i hate how hard it is to get up and do the most basic thing day out of the week i don t even eat dinner because i can t get out of bed i m tired of having to put in the extra effort to hide it at work and in front of my family i ve been single for a year and a half after a year and a half long relationship but my social anxiety ha gotten so bad i can t even put myself out there i m so lonely but too afraid to make an attempt i don t think i could ever actually kill myself but i think about how much easier it would be if i wasn t alive a lot more than i used to,1
i ve been experiencing huge bout of just feeling unmotivated not useful i ve been randomly just tearing up but it never last long i don t feel like i have a reason to cry but i do and i don t know what to do there s other stuff but i don t want to drag on too long i also just miss how thing were i ve woken up like this for the past week and it s persisted throughout the day,1
i ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder about two year ago and wa put on medication felt better and the med were tapered off i however feel it returning and most day seem like shit i can wake up and do normal work like i do however there s a constant feeling of sadness that s overwhelming and i worry about a lot of thing around me i worry that i wa a horrid person to my parent and the people around me doe it ever go away i don t want to be dependent on medication for the rest of my life,1
month on turned 0 month ago had mental breakdown anxiety attack followed by spiral of depression ended up resigning from job month ago a a result currently in therapy and on med sleep is slowly improving though i wake up early some morning overthinking and anxious i have day i feel good then i feel depressed and then i feel anxious still get strong feeling of dread negative thought and strong feeling of being unaccomplished im not sure if this is normal but i got told med will take some time to kick in still exercising started a new job day ago doing something different my goal for the next few year is to sort out and get this all under control and stabilise my career life also trying to remember and take note of all the positive thing in my life and achievement i have accomplished also looking into a potential career change,1
i want to get my life together but i feel like i haven t accomplished anything i m taking adult education class now and i m trying to get a part time job but no luck so far i haven t had a job before so i m not very optimistic i live with family and i feel like a leech i m trying to contribute with whatever i can like cleaning but i feel so worthless unwanted and like a burden my father died recently and i want to live the best life that i can for him but i m wondering if i even can i just want thing to work out i ve been trying to be positive but it s so difficult,1
i ve been more a lot more depressed than normal for a while today i had therapy session and while i wa in there i realized i couldn t remember almost anything about last week anymore this month ha been extremely stressful for me in term of school and work and i basically shut down at the end of last week i couldn t do anything anymore but now i can t remember almost anything about last week and it s only tuesday,1
no i don t want to kill myself but i want to die i reflect on the last 0 year of my life and see nothing good and can t see the future improving my mom just died my longest relationship recently ended terribly and with abuse i have addictive behavior i never seem to kick and i don t see it changing i ve gone to therapy i m trying to find another good therapist but haven t heard back from voicemail i ve left so far if you have a response i appreciate it but please don t share vague generality tell me your personal hurt experience will carry more with me than it get better or similar platitude i m hurting i need to hear the hurt others have been able to endure to feel encouraged i never thought i could feel so empty and so sad and so angry i hate living right now i never thought i d ever feel so bad edit i have nobody i have my job and i have my dog my family isn t the support system i wish it wa i don t have any real friend i ve tried reaching out but everyone is busy with their own problem,1
about three week ago i quit my job of year after believing spending all my time at work wa making me severely depressed day after i quit were the happiest i ve been in a long time but it quickly went away and i got trapped into another very depressed cycle i haven t put any work towards anything in week just moping around all day until i have to go to sleep my biggest problem is that i feel like i m watching my dream die i would love to entertain people like how most people do on youtube etc but i have no talent no skill and a horrible lisp i ve started many project but have stopped all of them really early a i have no motivation to keep doing them anyway the only option i have left in life is to go work another job be unhappy and live the same miserable life or i can kill myself it sound bad but i don t have any problem with suicide my whole life is built on regret and failure with nothing that i can truly be proud of honestly i don t want to go through with this but it feel like the better choice,1
hi i wa wondering if anyone ha this happen to them i have have had depression for decade i have good day and bad day no period that last for week or month like i did when i first started having symptom 0 year ago thank god it is mostly occasional bad bout most often i just have a dull low depression that i can dell with using moving muscle using cognitive dispute today i had one of the rare event that i used to get often i wake up early have a cup or two of coffee yet i feel really exhausted i slept fine the night before i end up having breakfast but that exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming and i go back to bet by 9am the entire day consists of me sleeping having lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dream the dream are not nightmare in fact they are rather creative but the local and situation are like the came from somebody imagination in a distant galaxy they would make really interesting sci fi fantasy i also dream about being lonely i have no family few friend one thing i remember wa this gut wrenching sadness about a girl i dated over 0 year ago thought she wa the one but it fell apart after about 0 to hour i get up have something to eat i feel hung over an d it is like a storm passed through my brain spent it s energy and now calm ha returned i wa wondering if anyone else had had similar experience like this it would be concerning if it wa a frequent occurrence which it once wa in the early day of depression again that wa decade ago thanks in advance for any observation or comment peace,1
this is a question i m struggling with for year now i wa a neglected child of an alcoholic father lot of trauma i m diagnosed with depression for year now i have this void where love from my parent and family wa supposed to be the problem it s causing is in romantic relationship i get addicted to people which is very unhealthy and it s cause of the lack of self love but how do i love myself what s the cure for this i used to hate myself now i m just neutral i really want to be better and be happy by myself i just have no idea how to do it anyone else struggling with that having an advice for this,1
my mom slapped me all the time i do not want to study at all from to 0 i stayed with her studying the stuff of a student i ate the school so much and also my mother she treated me very bad because i wasn t the type of child that have all 0 in the school report but neither all when i took i wa a failure and no one talk in the house when i take 9 i wa a good student an object in which transfer all they re expectation and hope win with a lot of people and lose alone this is my life even today when i get tired and i kill myself i m not a fucking puppet through which u can manipulate and treat bad i m tired of all of this to feel a failure myself and also not so good looking because for them i m fat now i m sad,1
after month of doin good i fucked up my depression hit hard and i isolated myself from everyone i stopped talking to my best friend which made her upset and now she want nothing to do with me she wa the last friend i had if i could tell her anything it s i m sorry i should ve been better friend tonight i m not smoking or drinking because i believe we can always get back on our foot someday,1
my lifestyle and world view for sure seem like a depressed person no motivation almost everything i do is anxiety driven privately my life is a mess and who doesn t feel like we re all screwed nowadays however i usually feel happy or content at any given moment i kinda just don t think about the problem and vibe i m usually having a pretty decent time i m not often sad or cry thinking about the future is upsetting and overwhelming but i try not to i keep getting diagnosed with depression i can kinda see it but usually when i see depression represented it s either with sadness or with no feeling and talk like not enjoying music or anything i still enjoy stuff though is this a thing do others feel this way edit i started lexapro today and went searching for ppl to relate to but i feel kinda alienated from others who are depressed i feel like bringing my energy to other depressed folk would just make them feel worse about feeling bad,1
everyone here know it s difficult to do anything while depressed even getting out of bed or brushing your teeth can sap all your strength appetite usually go out the window a well which lead to low blood sugar exhaustion etc here s what i reach for when i have to force myself to eat any type of smoothie shake i usually use a low glycemic berry oatmilk and kale or spinach protein powder is good also to add a bit more calorie chia seed for the fiber to keep you satiated longer bone broth or soup again very little prep time and you re not actually eating just drinking bone broth alone ha very little calorie but the protein content will help your malfunctioning brain work a bit better any type of nut or seed they pack a ton of calorie in just a handful doesn t feel like you are eating a meal no prep time,1
everything and everyday is a struggle because i don t feel like nothing make sense i wake up on my way to work i just keep thinking why why eating why working why having a hobbie why do you guy feel it too and how to deal with that,1
look i know everyone ha a sad story to tell i m no different and i know that in reality no one truly care about your past i don t even give a shit about my past anymore but i have nothing left in me i don t have anything to fight for even out of spite the world suck as my life ha had plenty of shitty time and a handful of good one but i m at my final limit rent is due again in about a week after month of being unemployed i still have no job i interview constantly i research how to be better i have a degree i have applied to anything and everything i m practically begging for work now and still nothing i have no money left i have no family i have applied at job i m qualified for with all of my experience but also grocery store coffee shop restaurant anything that say it s hiring i m not going to be able to pay my half of the rent next week and when i think about it it make me so ill that i ll puke thinking about how am i going to look my partner in the face and tell him that i just don t have any money left he ha seen me struggling he know i haven t had a job since november i have credit card debt i don t spend any extra money ever i have food stamp i think about ending everything every day all i do is try to not cry constantly i can barely muster up fake smile anymore i have never felt so down in my entire life i feel a though i have been cursed but even then that would give me hope a that would mean it could be broken somehow maybe i have never felt so close mentally to believing truly believing that i wanted to die i just don t want to face this i really can t exist like this in this life anymore i don t see a way out,1
i feel empty inside most of the time i am trying to find my purpose to live again but it kinda hard for the first time ever in my life i feel like i can t overcome the struggle i m facing right now i am telling myself im doing okay im doing better but at the end of the day i found myself drinking and smoking by myself again i stopped smoking for a year and a half until last month me right now is exactly the person im trying to get rid of year ago after year i found myself doing all the thing i hate and i know it is bad for me again my best friend s birthday day is today i asked her hey what do you want ask a thank you because she wa there for me when i am facing my first panic attack first time understand what s depressed she said i want you to live that s all i need for people out there who is having suicidal thought like me just remember that there will be a person who expects to see you in the future if you feel like there is no one next to you maybe they will show up in the future,1
i choosed depression out of my own choice i wonder if others are like this or most are just victim of life please answer your response,1
i ve never been good at talking to people about how i m doing and most of the time i ll just tell everyone i m fine and move on i have a very close friend and they re the only person i ve ever felt comfortable talking to i trust them with absolutely everything and we ve helped each other through so much a week ago or so they told me thing were changing and they ve sort of left we barely talk anymore and they told me they re still gon na be here for me but i really just don t feel it anymore it could just be my head making it seem a lot worse than it actually is but it really feel like they don t care at all anymore like they used to and it seems like they just don t even wan na talk to me anymore it hurt a lot to think that i used to always text them or something when thing were bad just so i could have someone to talk to but now i don t really have that anymore and i don t know what happened anyways ig no one s got ta respond but i just needed somewhere where i could say this,1
i have no friend i have no talent and im not smart either im not loved i am just their utility i feel like this life is not worth living there is nothing ahead of me i have no interest no passion nothing,1
i m 0 and have never even been on a date with a girl before everything ha just gone wrong growing up there were so many time where thing almost changed almost got in a group of people i wanted to be with almost would no longer have been alone but every time something at the last second happens and i lose it forever sometimes my fault but usually not i ve stopped getting my hope up for anything i know it will always just never work out it s like i m destined to just always be like this i had a few friend in high school no one i could ever connect with though i didn t care though maybe i could meet new people through them but for some reason anytime anything interesting would happen with them it wa when i wa gone anytime i am with them same usual boring shit i m not there something crazy happens i started going to college recently i really wa hoping doing this i would meet people make friend but even doing thing like going to event and regularly attending class just nothing i love talking to and meeting people but i just never get placed in the right place at the right time and the moment i get close i fuck up again or something else happens i downloaded some dating apps just to try to meet people i know i wouldn t have much success a a short medium attractive guy i would maybe get a match a week if i wa lucky and we d send a couple message but nothing more last week i finally got someone s contact info and we set up plan to go on a date i wasn t particularly interested in this girl but wa just exited to finally go on a date i had a class for the time we planned but that didn t matter i can miss it thing were finally going well and then last night i suddenly remembered nothing is ever supposed to go well i always get so close so this morning i check my phone she had blocked me i didn t even feel anything it s just how everything go for me i thought i m not angry at her or anything she probably just decided last minute she didn t want to go i m tired i m done trying i m killing myself next week maybe if i keep putting myself out there i ll actually meet someone but it s an endless cycle my depression make it so hard to do that which just cause me to get more depressed what is supposed to break this cycle i ve tried medication no effect therapy i ve tried may therapist and they ve all told me the same bull shit i ve already heard i don t really want to die it would be nice for thing to work out for once but with the cycle i m in nothing will ever change and i don t see a way of breaking it if thing will just be like this forever why bother continuing sorry for this absolute wall of text if you actually read this cool i guess i just needed to write all my thought out gon na go to sleep now bye tl dr god fucking hate me,1
fuck antidepressant all i want is a hug i know a hug will make me feel so good right now that s it that s my cent,1
i m just tired of coming second to finding a partner and not being chosen over someone they say someone is out there for everyone but i don t think so they say don t go looking someone will come find you but i don t think so they say it will fall into your lap when you least expect it but i don t think so these situation have happened but they always fail i m just tired of not being enough,1
bro my life ha been so horrible it s unpleasant it piss me off and make me very sad since my life is just waking up having breakfast going to school studying coming home having lunch studying sleeping dinner is sleeping again it s this cycle that always repeat i have friend but they don t even care about me i don t even know why i consider them friend it s my family it s just me my mother and two brother and i don t have uncle i don t know why i m the middle child it s my mother i feel like she hate me because it wa because of me that i made my mother my father divorced since i found out about my father i i wa having an affair with a woman i don t even know and since then i never spoke to my father again my mother often even treat me badly verbally and physically attacking me and i can t hit her because she is my mother and my brother are the only one that i consider friend because they care about my existence but they are very reserved many time they even lock themselves in their room but these last few month i have a great idea of running away from home is to end up leaving the city to have a new life yes people i have money i can survive a whole month and i know it s hard to get a job but i m willing to leave this miserable life but for now it s just an idea that i still don t have the courage to do and i also don t want to leave my brother because i m afraid to leave them what should i do leaving everything is starting a new life or continue a is,1
lately i ve been feeling like i m about to reach my lowest again i tried to kill myself on december 0 i ve been depressive a lot of time since then but i feel this time im inch away from getting to that state again but what i want to know is this have you ever have this thought maybe everyone is gon na be better if i just stop being alive nothing is gon na chance if i m not here what s the point of still being alive and suddenly have a lot but a lot of guilt for thinking this thats one of the thing that get me in tear the guilt of thinking this way when i m supposed to be okay after this year,1
caring start to feel so exhausting it excites you fill you up only to leave you empty a a distant memory of what you once were i don t know if it s them or me anymore don t even care just want out hell is others,1
i m am very depressed i m getting a degree that i have no interest in getting a job in i work in a retail store and feel like i m going to end up stuck in these type of job forever i play video game hour every day i eat unhealthy my living situation stress me out tremendously i don t want to move back in with my parent but i also can t afford to live on my own i have no passion no drive no meaning in life i m so lost why do i feel like i m losing all control of my life like the world is crumbling around me and i m slowly beginning to fall towards my end the worst part about it is i already know what i have to do to fix my depression work out sleep well quit weed quit masturbating quit nicotine eat well and most importantly stop playing video game i just never do any of them sometimes i ll go a few day good get this sense of euphoria and tell myself everything is fine why am i even worried about the future right now i don t need to do any of this stuff i can fix my life whenever then i go back into my depressive whole i cut off everyone and isolate myself background please don t suggest therapy i ve been to three separate therapist ongoing for the last three year,1
i am just jealous of so many thing i don t have depression destroyed my memory and i can t remember anything what make thing worse is this is my final school year and i have final exam in around a month i know i will fail because i physically can not remember anything every time i see people learn i feel jealousy that they can do thing i can t the jealousy appears also when it come to my two friend they both have other friend than me so they can leave me anytime they feel like it they also don t talk to me that much and spend more time with those other friend they also wanted to do something nice to one of my friend and didn t even invited me to spend time with them it just hurt i tell myself i just need to meet more people either online or irl but it s hard and i m just trying to ignore my true feeling i wa always there for everyone since i can remember and all i get in return is being ignored and forgotten i started to think about myself more and now i m rude and only thinking about myself but i don t care they are not the kind of people i want to be friend with if you reached this point thank you for reading i just wanted to anonymously tell my true feeling and thought to someone have a nice day,1
hey everyone so the title say it all been going through depression since i wa around the age of currently i am and beginning to lose to my demon this often push me to take thing to the extreme for example if i want to achieve something then i become obsessed with it and go all out so to say otherwise i feel dead inside people think of me a this strong individual because i have never shown my weakness to anyone even my family so everyone is oblivious to my inner suffering it s a pure living hell it s like having rabies but instead of dying it constantly attack your brain and make you think of irrational thing day in and day out i don t have anything to brag about in my normal life average job no education after high school no car no girlfriend no friend no money to go on holiday nothing the only thing that i got going for myself is my gym addiction built a decent physique over the year and planned to actually compete ironically i had all of these thing minus the money part when i wa in high school lost the ability to smile a well i laugh at joke at funny thing but my heart is dead i became unable to form relationship of any kind whether they d be romantic or friend related just recently lost my business too i am in debt on top of that how do you fight demon who always drag you back down to the bottom of a dark empty ocean every time you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel thank you for reading p s i am not suicidal just want to smile again,1
i found out last year that i had major depression disorder which i wasn t surprised at because my whole life since i wa i ve been depressed however i m realizing i also have body dysmorphia bc i just hate the way i look body wise when i stand i can see my fatty ab but when i sit it just a big pile of fat and it frustrating because i workout everyday non stop and linit my eating people say real people men know what a woman s body is supposed to be like well guess what we live in 0 it s supposed be in shape and that s what most expect i m just so over it because those same people who say yeah thats a real woman s body are the same people liking every single big as flat ab photo i try to push myself everyday and today im over it i can t keep going on like this,1
i m so numb i m now living just because i m alive but i m really dead inside each day is a loop of sleeping and drinking i barely eat i don t do anything at all,1
from an external point of view i have the perfect life i have worked really hard my whole life i studied hard in school got scolarship for university in my late 0 making figure have a beautiful house and a caring partner but i have rarely felt happy in my life i don t remember the last time i wa genuinely happy since about year ago my mood started going really downhill and right now i am at a point where even eating or taking a shower is a chore i drag myself everyday to work and do bare minimum and now i am scared that i might lose my job but then again i can no longer force myself to do any work i feel like i have used up my energy and passion most of the night when i go to bed i fantasize about not waking up and how nice it seems i am completely empty of any feeling and feel nothing toward my partner i am taking medicine and working out at least time a week but no good i also fantasize about breaking up with my partner but i m afraid i am gon na regret it cause i will be completely alone i am so done with everything i just wan na feel some taste and color in my life again but i feel like it might never happen,1
i m year old and i am so sad because life is pointless i feel like i know everything i know how life is supposed to go get a good job find a significant other do exciting thing together maybe have kid meet new people do different activity all through out life travel to new place get old and die somehow then what this whole idea of life is so boring i hate that i keep looking so far into life so analytically thats how depression make me see everything analytically and it is exhausting because i can never truly truly enjoy something i know life can be beautiful and fun at time in the moment it can be but i don t know why it s just not enough for me there ha to be something else to life something better there ha to be more right how am i supposed to do this everyday until i die that is such a long time i don t know how long i m going to last thinking like this make me the literal most boring person ever i feel bad for my friend the few i have i m so boring i never put passion into conversation because i seriously do not care enough because none of it matter and it s all pointless i feel so bad about myself and for everyone around me i m horrible please please help me find meaning in this gut wrenching life,1
i 9 f moved to a different state to support my partner while they re at school we went from a duel income household to me being the breadwinner i wa diagnosed with adhd anxiety and depression last year and am on med and in therapy i just keep screwing up at work the work isn t hard but i m making stupid mistake i feel like im not doing anything correctly i try to be thorough and am told by my bos that i m getting too caught up in the detail i try to be quick and cover the basic and am told that it isn t my best work i have no idea what to do i m told to ask question if i don t understand by my bos and when i do she s short with me example i asked if i should include document with a proposal because the last time i did there wa push back from someone saying they didn t need to provide the document she replied if i wa asking if i needed to follow to the standard operative procedure i feel stuck my performance ha been worse partially due to depression which ha affected my focus cue adhd issue med for that aren t working great i just feel so stuck i m literally cry once a week bc i feel like i m failing so badly i m literally doing working extra because i m behind and not charging for it bc i just feel like i m so behind i started this new job and wa immediately sent home to telework full time so i can t just ask the people around me for help,1
i can t deal with living like this family doesn t care grandparent have low energy amp make me feel old too no work or friend,1
i don t know how can someone be this much of a failure i suck i have no social skill hell i have no skill in general people say everyone is good at something but not me i suck at everything why am i like this,1
the title sum up my whole life perfectly i wa born to a loving caring family my father is my personal hero a real masculine role model who taught me pretty much everything i know my mother gave me all the love a child can ask for they were always supportive in all the good thing that i used to do but always very strict about the bad thing when i chose a career path they paid for a private school which i m so grateful for high school wa the best time of my life they supported me in sport i used to be an amateur middleweight boxer i love them both dearly that s why it hurt so much knowing that i m nothing but a disappointment a burden a leech to them i made the worst decision possible after i finished high school i got accepted into the best technical university in my country it is so embarrassing to think back about it now i actually thought it wa an achievement to study i m ashamed to even type this be free to laugh software engineering i can t explain how a person can do something so stupid i only recently found out that most programmer and software engineer with a master degree which only about of student finish make minimum wage if they are lucky i m from the czech republic central europe programming is a dying career here everything is getting outsourced to the east job are disappearing left and right moving to a different country is not an option since i don t know any foreign language except for english which i m really not good at a you can see and most position require you to know the language of that nation anyway if you want to work in poland you got to know polish etc it s soul crushing to think that all this hard work is worth nothing and even if i manage to finish my degree i m gon na be making the same salary a people with no education and skill whatsoever the minimum wage here in czechia is not enough to afford even a room apartment so i m either gon na live in my parent basement for the rest of my life or i m gon na end up homeless if they decide to kick me out and probably freeze to death when it get cold but then again i m the only one to blame here i should have been thinking more when choosing a career path it s too late to change my profession now firstly because of all the money that my parent invested into it i feel like cry writing that and secondly because i know deep down that i can only do this that i would be a complete failure trying anything else the moment reality of my situation hit me my life took a bad turn a you can imagine having those thought every day just ravage your mental health i can t sleep properly and there are sequence of day when i don t eat anything i m losing weight i would be a lightweight boxer by now but i stopped training anyway my grade got worse i get feeling of despair and misery every day i don t smile anymore i get no joy from anything all my friend are gone i m very lonely i m invisible to woman and i completely lost interest in pursuing relationship no woman is ever gon na date a homeless software engineer i can t remember the last time i had morning wood i m never going to have child my bloodline end with me sorry for the wall of text if you read it all the way here you have my thanks,1
so i have depression and anxiety for maybe 0 month and month i opened about it to my mom got a therapist and pysologist whatever at starting i wa like everything is gon na be good but it s not i realized ii dont wan na take the high dosage antidepressant and the therapist ain t for me and during all this i had my final for class 9 freshman of highschool i did not study and bit and just wa escaping the reality by playing game all day and avoiding my life and everything so i got my result and i passed all subject but did not pas science so i have to give retest it on and today is and i have been ignoring everything myself my problem my family and just talking to some people i made friend all day to avoid my life i can not avoid it anymore i dont wan na play my life on repeat everyday i also wan na redo the 9th grade but everyone think im dumb to waste a year but i really think i am not ready for the next year cuz of learning nothin this year and i just can not do it i think if i redo 9th grade it s a second chance im giving to meto make thing better slow and without taking hell lotta stress i used to be the perfect child i wish i never got depression it s ruining me and my mom s problem are increasing too i wan na study but i can not i just dont know why i feel so numb anyone got any advice plz,1
i kept sacrificing a lot of myself for other people who were never gon na stay i keep recreating those dynamic and now that i m aware of the people and behavior to avoid i m completely alone i hate being alive everything is so much harder when you don t have any love and support not that these connection i ve lost were loving and supportive everyday is just a reminder i ll never find my place,1
hello i am neurotic with symptom of anxiety disorder and ha mild suicide ideation i am generally better the last month i have taken the past year off college to focus on taking care of myself i went to therapy but had recently stopped so i could afford to go to school again this year i think i have been doing well in implementing lifestyle change that improve my mental well being such a setting clear boundary reaching out and eating which is one of my biggest challenge i still struggle to be consistent in aspect of taking care of myself but i wonder what change do you suggest or have tried that helped you a lot in continuing to live i struggle in finding joy or even interest in living and in time of difficulty still ideate my death i know i m sick and that is something i should fix i hope you could help me with your answer they don t have to be big since small change are more sustainable and le overwhelming thank you,1
idk anymore i m just tired,1
been on fluoxetine for year but anyway there seems to be some stupid national shortage and i m just constantly having to wait extra week for my med and missing out so i m just gon na come off them i don t think they help anyhow so the plan is to take one every other day for two week then one every day for a week then one every four day for a long a they last doe that sound like i could avoid withdrawal,1
now i know everyone will say you need some fresh air get outta the house more often i also have real bad anxiety so bad that i only go out one time a day i don t like walking around with money on me or no money at all anyway i ve been smoking weed and eating edible for year because i have real low self esteem and i don t want to just be sad all the time my boyfriend hate it because he say i don t need all of that to be happy which is true but it s already hard enough getting out of bed a it is my boyfriend pretty much get high a much a i do but it s only marijuana and thc that s it nothing other then that he think i should get out more but when i m out i get anxiety because i feel like i m being stared at and judged i love smoking weed because it s good to laugh and when i m high i m not thinking about my low self esteem and body dysmorphia or wanting to harm myself if you ask me it s better then talking to a therapist psychologist,1
i have bad depression and anxiety over this i need not only advice because i ve been kicked out of hair sub but i need advice for what to say and how to explain to bully in school about my big thick curly hair,1
it is incredible how much your own mentality can manipulate you the thing is that every day i feel alone and much more alone and with many thought the thing is that i have friend who support me daily but i don t understand why my mind make me think and feel that i am alone and that there is no one else everything that can affect just your mentality is very fucked up,1
a little over four month ago my relationship of over two year ended my partner left me for the person they told me they couldn t ever love more than me and that i had nothing to worry about i trusted them and they destroyed that i moved back home all the while they gaslit me into thinking it wa my choice once i got home almost a thousand mile away i began to spiral my family wa in the midst of drama between my aging parent one struggling with memory loss the other with alcoholism my dog from high school ha also begun declining and will be crossing the rainbow bridge any week now following the breakup i struggled with alcohol and substance abuse for several month which i ve only just begun to get control of i wa sexually assaulted twice in the span of two month my relative have died of covid i ve been unable to find a good job that actually us my degree in the time since moving home a well i find myself unable to form meaningful connection with friend or family i can t be open with anyone because i don t feel i can trust them i m worried that anyone and everyone could leave me at a moment notice i can t get my ex off my mind and the feeling of inadequacy and abandonment are staying strong i don t feel the ability to love i don t know where i m going with this but it s my first time posting here and i guess i just need to know that i m not alone and that i can stop spiraling and live a good fulfilling life i need to recover from the fallout of what s been my life for about month now i m sorry if this isn t the kind of post i should be making but at this point therapy and psychiatric treatment and medication are all failing me what can i do where do i go from here,1
it s my first post here and i ll try to keep it short i m male live in greece had depression from age i don t have enough symptom anymore to be classified a depressed and i m starting to feel lost while the therapy and medication i have been taking for the past month have definitely helped me through tough time my biggest enemy is procrastinating especially with my university responsibility i don t love the subject i m studying chemistry but i do think it can help me find a suitable job in the future so i can provide for me and my family and have free time for hobby what i m having a really hard time with is motivation and discipline i m afraid that the lack of those thing can be the end of me i m constantly worried my gf might realise what a lazy person i really am and dump me despite her being really supportive of me the only thing i don t want is grow to be 0 0 and not be able to have a good life with my wife and kid because of my mental problem,1
sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for a long time in my life all i wanted wa to have someone to be there for me a person that could love me back a much i love them back but now that i have it i don t know if it s what i wanted in my past i had suicidal friend that influenced a huge part of my life i begin to realize how stupid living wa and started to question why we live i m losing all my energy slowly and slowly i find myself losing all motivation and having no goal or dream anymore this reddit is my last ditch effort on seeking help from other people i ve already started to distance from everyone around me i know that i can t be the only one that s been or going through this how were you guy able to keep your energy and have a positive outlook on life,1
it s all rainy and cloudy and stuff today for me but even if it wasn t i d still feel this way,1
i m a year old man and i m in the worst state of my life right now i started out my adult life by dropping out of college after week due to depression and severe anxiety and getting 0 000 in debt it took me year to pay that and my car loan off and i wa finally back to even financially i spent thousand of dollar trying therapy medication chiropractor for my back issue and nothing helped me i ve tried exercise healthy diet yoga everything i ve ever been told to do to get better and it never helped me long term i ve been working dead end job ever since and barely scraping by each month while my body and mind deteriorate i have so many untreated and likely some undiagnosed health issue and i barely have the energy to do my laundry once a week anymore and can t do anything else productive i am too anxious to leave my room and even be around my roommate i ve known since high school i feel like i m never going to escape the poverty loop i finally broke even year ago when i wa and now i m back 000 in credit card debt stressing me out every day my car broke down and now have to uber around town making my finance even worse i failed at any goal i set in term of trying to get a better career i can t live like this working 0 hour a week at a dead end job with nothing bringing me enjoyment except food i have no family to help me i haven t had more than day off a week since i wa in high school why is the world punishing me because my parent ignored my health concern growing up and they were too poor to help me afford college it seems like everyone else who is a bad off a i am ha their family to help support them through their finance and health issue whereas mine just exacerbated mine i just can t do it any more i broke down cry at work last night i can t even stand working a job where i sit at a desk hour a night and talk to people per shift i want to end it all so bad but don t know a painless guaranteed way to do it i just want help and my country and state don t care about me and i have nobody else,1
i ve been suffering from bout of depression since my dad died last year i wa already in the second semester of my master s when it happened i finished that semester with the exception of my research method course and then i took a leave of absence then in september 0 i went back to school to work on my placement at a political office until november from january to march i worked there part time until my contract finished and told them that i would be focusing on my thesis until my school is finished my thesis didn t go a planned and i can t help but feel like i ve let my supervisor down she is super sweet and although she is very busy she ha been very supportive and know what happened to my dad my thesis ended up not having enough interview not enough literature and i d have to finish it by next week and find a second reader in order to graduate on time this wa also my fault because i feel like i haven t been taken my mental health seriously enough a i have had so many day where i did not want to do anything i ve procrastinated so much a a result of fear depression grief and burnout etc i just have not mentioned this to my supervisor because i don t want to be making excuse it would take a miracle for me to finish this all on time and i really want to because it s so expensive to pay for another semester i m feeling so depressed over this,1
i wake up and expect to deal w the same shit i had to yesterday life is gettin boring to say the least,1
i never had illusion of grandeur growing up i had a pretty low bar for what itd take to make me happy,1
every time i start to be stupid enough to believe that maybe i m not crap or that thing might be ok something bad always happens when i stay depressed and assume the worst and feel bad about myself thing usually remain about the same what is the use of trying,1
i m currently on prozac rexulti and buspar i m in a pretty bad place so my doctor added wellbutrin to my medication generally how long will it take to show improvement in fatigue and motivation if it work,1
i really need to talk with someone just to break down or cry just release all of the shit that have been pilling up people do notice that i m depressed something wrong but every time people ask if i m okay i answer yes i don t really know how to ask for help i don t know who is being nice and who really care how can i open up to someone,1
to clarify i guess i wa only happy because i wa really high but i stopped for a minute and started thinking i wa thinking about who i am and how much of a sad useless piece of shit i am i wa hanging out with a few people at the time so i had to shake the thought pretty quickly fuck i wish i could just forget who i am altogether i m getting tired of me,1
i hate myself and my self destructive behavior,1
what depressing is that i have covid stuck in my room for day lost weight bc i havent been eating bc i think im a burden for asking for food i actually thought my sister would at least help me my year old sister is sleeping in the lounge room for the time being and whenever i ask if there food kitchen is step away from living room she doesnt check and say idk didnt look a for my twin i ask her to her me smth and she would say i cant be bothered tell j younger sister to get it i only get snack and food when she s already at the shop i would do anything but why cant they do it for me im the oldest sister and i dont get respect it sad and depressing,1
self explanatory title i can make it through the day when distracted with a busy day at work or surrounded by friend but a soon a i m alone or i have a minute to think i realise how deeply unhappy i am in almost every aspect of my life i don t want to die i know there s thing to live for like family friend travelling new career potential love and child and maybe being one day happy but every day i wake up and struggle i feel little part of my health and sanity being chiseled off one by one and i just don t know how long i can do this for before i just give up,1
while i wait for my school counselor to give me an update on the whole online school therapy thing i wa convinced to check out a confidential free and text based crisis hotline it s apparently designed for teen like me who have noone in their life that they could talk to now for me personally my experience wa subpar i don t want to disrespect the volunteer work there but after the successful attempt one in the morning and one just hour earlier i felt like i wa just a number on a waiting list the system constantly kicked me out of the conversation and the one time i actually had a decent conversation it felt like they were trying to cast me aside a quick a possible a soon a i mentioned that music help me organize my thought at time they told me to just listen to music and the conversation closed immediately after maybe i m stupid or maybe it s just my anxiety and paranoia but they seemed annoyed i guess it would help to say what i wa expecting i wa thinking it would be a deep dive into why i feel the way i do but it wa more just a short session of giving me a metaphorical ice pack and sending me home with an old stale lollipop if i didn t feel worthless enough already then well a for the nd successful attempt it wa even shorter they asked me how i wa feeling they asked a question to confirm what i said i answered and then the very next message wa telling me that i must ve stepped away and that the conversation had been closed the automated reply also hit me with a stinger saying you matter it doesn t feel like it it doesn t help that i had to reply stop over and over because i kept getting auto reply from the bot needle to say i have le faith that online school therapy will even put a dent in how i feel tldr seeking help a many advise when situation like these crop up hasn t worked this time around and my already weak ability to see a good future for myself ha withered away a bit more,1
i m fucked up badly with my 9f ex girlfriend and now i m so guilty of how i handled thing i m punishing myself mentally and physically i ve lost nearly 0lbs from not eating and going the gym so now i m around lb at i don t leave the house unless i have to and i just exist in my room everytime i smile or laugh i stop instantly because i don t feel like i deserve to feel happiness anymore i think i ve had a mental breakdown because i m so guilty all the time and i can t seem to forgive myself because it doesn t even feel real that i d decide to make the choice i made i don t even know who i am anymore if i can be so deeply confused at choice i ve made in hindsight imagine knowing deep in your heart you ve met the love of your life and you ve thrown it all away because you can t handle a simple issue,1
i am 0 year old and genderfluid they she he and every day i am alive i have no clue what is going on my depression is mostly caused by my other disorder asd adhd and ocd and i ve had it since junior high often i feel so hopeless because those disorder all have their own comorbidities that mess with me on the day to day i struggle with writing spelling understanding verbal word social cue my own emotion if my thinking or the disorder and more there is just so much happening all the time at a nightmare level of complexity it exhaust me and paint the world dull i feel like i am always on the verge of imploding and exploding at the same time people get mad at me for thing i didn t know and expect so much from me when right now this is all i got my goal is to move far away onto a hill in the middle of nowhere it seems like the more the world asks of me the le i do instead of a big moment breakdown it little one like a car sputtering to a stop this all being said i know that my life will keep moving forward and thing will change but right now it s just so hard to believe that a if the world wa against me since day one ya know thank you for listening if anyone can offer advice on dealing with this i would v much appreciate it,1
i dont want to die but i dont want to live life is so lonely i can not for the life of me connect with anyone anymore and my brain taunt me with the past connection that i did have but now gone because thats life people and thing come and go and i need to be okay with being alone and working hard for my future alone but i see no point we work we meet people we eat healthy we work out we take care of ourselves but for what to just die at the end it miserable everyday is miserable and the good time are so quick to end and then youre back in your miserable loneley relality but after every good moment the bad moment just get worse and worse i have been excluded all my fucking life and i dont feel a purpose or community anywhere i dont feel wanted,1
i can t find the strength to do anything i m supposed to do like studying going to the gym or finding a job i have been losing interest in thing i used to like to the point i don t enjoy doing them and they are becoming difficult to do because they are supposed to make me happy and being happy requires a lot of energy i don t have by losing interest and thing i like i m running thin of thing that keep me motivated for living and hope for the future i have difficulty getting help because i don t think it is worth the effort for a hopeless person like me i don t even think i deserve that help considering the thing i hate about myself i don t even want to talk about this thing with other people that care for me because with my point of view of the world and future might grab them down to this dark and hopeless vision the only thing that keep me from km is that i know it would hurt people around me i really need something to look forward something that give me the motivation to keep going,1
year old here i hate myself so much i wish i could be different more motivated i wish i wasn t so skinny i wish i could be braver funnier more fun to be around more cool more outgoing and calm i m an anxious loser who stress over everything but doesn t try and be better i wish girl would talk to me thats all i want a girl to like me i wish i could feel the happiness of someone liking me,1
i m probably most content when i m by myself don t need anyone to talk to or try to impress but the moment i have to fauxalize fake socialize a i call it and then i get completely irritated and annoyed by any and everyone if they re too happy if they re too talkative if they stand too close etc my irritation level go from 0 to 00 and i just want to completely remove myself from the situation before i blow a fuse,1
many time when i want to end the suffering i think of committing suicide or other method to alleviate the pain such a starting to smoke drink drug there are time that i think that one of these method can help me get through the bad moment i am going through but there is always something that in the end prevents me because deep down i know that none of that will help me and that i join it that i can continue fighting a i do and the day will come when i will be free,1
hey guy im gon na be honest here im a year old stoner with a lot of mental health issue i havent ever really had anyone i felt comfortable or safe opening up to and i know it can be the same for a lot of other men of all age i wanted to create a subreddit of some sort a a safe place to vent give and seek advice for domestic or any other reason a men mental health problem seems to be kinda looked over i m looking for advice on how to grow that kind of community i haven t had a safe place like that for me and i dont want men to have the same problem or feel the same way kindest regard safewithus,1
of this sub i really wish all that post on this sub could just find the peace they are looking for but it seems like it just talking to a wall a lot of post have no response so why post is it to get it out in writing looking for other opinion wanting someone to say hey you are not worthless because i like everyone else here that read these post is struggling with my demon do ordinary people read these post and get a chuckle out of them i dont have the answer if i did i would share with everyone here so i apologize this wa a rant and more question,1
i m not interested in life there thing i d like to do but i have no money to experience them i dont have friend or any girl to share a relationship with life is bland i have a job interview tomorrow i ll probably get it now i ll have to show up and sell 0hrs of my life doing something i could care le about for some money i hate everything it s not enjoyable pandemic ruined everything a girl i started really liking doesn t want to see me anymore because i m not vaxed that one definitely hurt a bit she went cold on me please skip the anti pro vax debate i m over it amp i m not anti i dont like leaving the house or dealing with people i dont see any point in this thing called life it just drain me and i d like it to end it simply exhausting amp i get 0 enjoyment from it it feel like a sadistic game i just want it to end i wont hurt myself i dont think i will i dont know if i m depressed i either feel nothing or anger i envy people who are blissfully happy enjoying life i d give anything have that i dont need everything to be great but i d at least like to not hate day to day life i dont have much left in me anymore,1
i m so done with everything i love my career but everyday is harder and harder to get up and go to class i get home and just sleep instead of studying because i feel like absolute trash i feel like nobody love me or even care about me i feel like my friend don t care that i am skipping class and that i have literally stopped talking to everyone i just stand there with them but don t engage with anything because if i do i m scared i ll bust into tear my best friend completely changed his behavior with me a few month ago and now i feel like he doesn t like me anymore i feel like the most unlovable unlikeable person ever nobody ha ever been in love with me i have never kissed anyone or even held hand i just want someone to care about me to ask me about my day to ask me how i m feeling it doesn t even have to be romantic i just want someone anyone to care i fear that my depression get so bad that i stop completely going to class and i fail this semester i don t know what to do,1
i talk to myself for like minute sometimes this so intense that i my hand gesture too there is always a intervention from my brain asking what am i doing this happens when i am stressed with some hypothetical issue which probably will never occur for example what if i park my vehicle in a spot how will my neighbor react if i some what unknowingly encroach on his parking spot if this scenario play out then what would be my reaction this issue i just make some hypothetical scenario about my interaction with my neighbor and how would i react to this so called dispute there will be several different scenario playing my mind with realte to this example please help me if this related to adhd and if yes how severe is this if not adhd then what is this,1
i fucking hate everyone and everything i can t take another day fck everyone on this planet why tf do i have to feel so shit all the time fuck god he ain t shit he abandoned me why tf do i have to feel so shit all the time while everyone else get to enjoy their life and get everything they want i also hate people who take advantage of other people i can t wait to end it i wish no one wa around so i can do it idgaf about anything that s my rant,1
you re easily replaceable and trust me they will replace you if you re lucky you ll be born into a loving and sweet family but that s often not the case for most people you re alone and will be alone for most of your time on this earth you ll reach an expiration date for your usefulness and they ll kick you to the curve it doesn t matter if you re really struggling and barely hanging on or if they re aware of what you re going through and they ll give you every excuse in the book but the simple matter of the fact is that they don t care about you anymore what do you have to offer now,1
i just hate my parent for bringing me into this world and giving me a shitty childhood and shaping me into the worst version of myself i can t keep living like this,1
just a motivational quote,1
my world ha been falling apart for a decade i ve finally hit the bottom i need someone to talk to real bad anybody i m cry in an empty teamspeak atm opening apps hoping to see someone,1
i don t know how to explain it i had bad childhood and tbh i never felt love in my whole life if i care for someone and they see this they hurt me i m not only talking relationship but with overall people around me and i have depression i feel tired all the time and sometimes i can t even leave my bed also i m very paranoid i feel like everyone want to betray me u me and i have lost all the trust because of it don t even feel like human,1
how do you keep going when you feel like nothing is going well,1
life is fucking hard that s it we care which ha left many of u with scar disappointment rejection one of the few emotion we carry daily bc we see no hope the overwhelming feeling that we should be doing more but what is the fucking point just do something feel sorry for yourself i feel sorry for you i feel sorry for myself yet our dream are keeping u alive suffocating u to do something no matter how little the task it make a difference so if you want to lay in bed binge watch cinema or sleep away your thought away do what you must your dream still life on we re waiting for you when you wake up rock tar,1
hedonist lover ive lost myself upon your devilish gaze smile razor blade cutting word vibrantly painting picture with blood marking wall memory screaming out i will infest your subconcious like drapery beautiful silk of morbid whisper cover my body while my soul gently rock in the wind hedonist lover set me free,1
i m just so tired i can t do anything there are bag full of clothes and me took one and a half hour to unpack le than two of them i also made a mistake of leaving myself with my own thought so i began to spiral starting with me being angry at my ex and ending on me having flashback from primary school when i probably wa also depressed when i wa every day after school sitting at my desk trying to study or do homework but i couldn t even start or focus due to adhd and executive dysfunction i wa every day sitting at my desk after school guilty over doing nothing and sitting like that until sleep time only to get yelled at next day for getting another bad grade for not doing homework i just despise almost everything in my life my parent aren t supportive at all except providing therapy and med which is a lot but they re one of the reason why my mental health is so bad since i remember i can t do anything and i m useless i might need to repeat my school year cause i missed a lot of class due to me literally being unable to get up i don t have energy or time for my friend but i constantly vent to them and i know it s annoying a heck for them even though they claim that i can vent a much a i want to cause they do the same but i just can t go without telling someone how shitty i feel and even if they read that stuff they just respond with one word reply or sad emoji my ex constantly stress me out with his weird as message and i have to see him at school every day i just feel like everything is just too much and definitely a lot more than i m able to do the biggest challenge in my day is waking up and taking any care of myself but i m also expected to help out with chore study a lot for final be at every class and to not make everyone uncomfortable with how bad my mental health is so right now i m sitting and having mental breakdown for hour and forty minute already with three bag of clothes waiting to be sorted while i have private lesson in 0 minute and my dad will get angry a fuck at me if i won t get this done before those lesson the worse part is just how no one even care about that not my friend not my parent cause in their opinion i m lazy and probably no one here too the only person that care is my therapist who is paid to care about the fact that i more and more feel like killing myself over the simplest thing like chore,1
about month ago i had one of the worst day of my life and i wa ready to call it quits if it wasn t for my closest friend stopping what he wa doing to come see me i probably would ve then and there p this is an appreciation post,1
i just got a new girlfriend we both had sex last weekend and it wa great we re both and love each other i ve been pretty depressed during the past year and when i met her everything changed i though she would be my new world and she is but something she told me broke my heart and made me depressed again one of her crackhead mom friend had been touching her in the private area when she wa younger she told me this because she got flashback from that moment while i were doing the same to her she didnt want to hurt me so she did not say anything this made me furious and sad i want to kill that motherfucker so badly and now everytime we have sex she is going to be thinking about that moment after this i told my self to never let this happend to her again although she will always be hurt it hurt me almost just a much to know this i need help tip support anything please,1
i recently lost a family member that i knew and met i ve only lost so far in this same criterion i ve been not doing so well even before any of that i feel like i m on autopilot daily i feel empty and nothing brings me joy even the thing i used to love and be passionate about i have a hard time communicating anything to anyone because all i want to do is be quiet and pas through people life a an invisible specter aimlessly living to survive and be away from everyone even the one that want to be in my life i have trouble sleeping at night drinking make me worse smoking only amplifies my anxiety and existential crisis meditating is useless now and i have no way to cope with what i m feeling have been feeling for the past few year it s easier for me to type thing out than it is to say them out loud i find myself losing my mind in work and zoning out while staring at my wall on a daily basis doe anyone have any advice for what i m dealing with and how to manage some of this i m not one to normally ask for help but at this point i m willing to try anything to get away from this darkness that haunt my life,1
afters year i finally had contact with a person i like i sleepover at her house quite often i like her alot and day ago she told me that she is getting sent to psychiatry why cant i just be happy why is it all getting taken away from me,1
i don t know what to do at the moment lately i ve been cry almost everyday and i m angry constantly i felt that i had the obligation to please everyone mom boyfriend etc but i forgot how to be happy how to look forward for tomorrow,1
ha anyone been prescribed mirtazapine or other alpha receptor antagonist to treat their anxiety i would prefer not to use start with ssri s what wa you experience,1
everything about how i act and what i say and how i say it and about the way i move and breathe and everything i think everything i like everything i want everything about my face and body and the way i dress and my life and my future is fucking stupid people eventually always realize this,1
hello i ve been dealing with depression for what seems an eternity i went through a pretty bad episode back in 0 9 and it lasted all the way till half of 0 i made some lifestyle change and it worked at first but then my routine turned into a chore and i stopped doing it le and le i m at a point now where i feel exhausted but i want so bad to continue being productive and i just can t i feel like i m just lazy or that i m using my mental health a an excuse but i m so tired some day i m still and my mom prohibits the use of antidepressant or any medication that help with chemical imbalance in the brain i tried therapy but i feel i could benefit more from taking medication it s a constant battle in my head one side tell me to rest the other say that i can t let myself go down bad again ive missed a lot of school because of this but because of covid most of my work is in a laptop so i m missing day but i still maintain good grade i tried talking to my counselor and she said that she agreed that i needed further mental help but because i m a minor and my mom there s not much we can do i need help i don t know what to do anymore,1
i m 0 and i m alone and it s tough to pretend i m a whole person amp x 00b i haven t made a friend since high school i m starting to befriend someone at work but it s giving me a lot of anxiety because when am i going to say the thing that make her hate me it feel like i have to do everything right to be social or maybe i m missing something that everyone else ha or maybe i m just not cut out to be social but to have friend you have to answer them when they fucking text regardless of what s going on in my life and i just don t have the energy to keep up with that i recently had someone tell me i wa probably not doing well on bumble bff because i m a slow responder sometimes i don t know what to say sometimes word aren t happening in my brain sometimes i m just too tired maybe missing out on social thing for all of my 0 s is something i m never going to be able to recover from amp x 00b i ve been in a lot of workplace where i wa the loser i had no friend i d catch people saying mean thing about me they all get together with each other and i m not invited i ve been in multiple situation where group of people don t like me and do shitty passive aggressive thing to me every chance they get i don t know what i do wrong i try to just be a genuine kind person i get feedback that i m nice i know i m not perfect but at least i ve had some feedback that i m not totally delusional to think i m a nice person but there have also been a few time where i know what i said there have been a few time when i can pinpoint the off comment that make someone turn on me and it must be more than one off comment because it s always easy for that person to get a group to turn on me it s terrifying to feel like at any moment i can slip up and someone will just decide i m not worth their time amp x 00b and i never feel like i say the right thing some of my coworker s response are lackluster think lol and i just wonder if she even want to talk to me making friend give me the same anxiety that trying to date someone give me that s kind of fucked up i should probably not care so much whether or not someone decides they want to be my friend but also it affect me i feel like i m not worthy of friendship because so many people have decided i m not worth their time and honestly this is a big moment for me because this is the moment i realize i ve internalized all that rejection and got to where i don t feel good enough for friendship why would someone pick me when i m a ball of nerve why would someone want to hang out with someone who only feel like half a person amp x 00b lately i ve been doing okay relative to the last 0 year i finally got a job that doesn t feel like chinese water torture i m on medication and that help a ton i m a lot better about not letting myself slip into negative thought pattern this week i haven t been feeling the overwhelming cloud of misery because i finally got medication that isn t expired and i m taking it regularly but every time i think about social stuff it just give me this squished feeling i can t name the feeling but it s visceral my body feel shitty i m going on a vacation with my mom and her work friend in a month and i m so fucking nervous because what if i do the thing that make everyone hate me i don t even know what the fucking thing is but spending four day with people who are talking crap about you in a small space i did that around this time last year and it wa so bad amp x 00b okay amp x 00b i m a solution oriented person and part of my problem is that i don t know how to fix this part of my life i don t really know what the solution is to feeling unworthy of friendship it took me eight year to figure out the solution to hating myself and honestly even though it s a struggle it s also worth it to fight through those feeling and find an even timbre social situation are just approached totally differently from a mental health perspective i ve googled how to feel le lonely and the fucking answer wa make friend how do you make friend when you feel like nobody want to be your friend and for good reason therapist have basically told me to find a group and the friendship will happen naturally but there s not a huge meet up scene in my area and i have a ton of anxiety about going to one and the few i have been to were not great i couldn t read the book on how to influence people and never feel powerless again i got halfway through it and it honestly felt like customer service kiss as bullshit but this time i m not even getting paid for it that book make me feel like i have to scrub my personality clean and poke myself into a small box to be socially acceptable amp x 00b i just don t know i m going to keep trying different thing i m going to keep putting myself out there because the only other choice is to keep doing thing the same shitty way with the same shitty outcome amp x 00b i needed this rant today and if anyone actually manages to read all that thanks for your time and i hope both our day get better,1
addimitdedley never i thought i would still be here m at some point i gave up and thought i would effectively die in some ill advised manner never planned to be in this situation i have hope a career and a wife now yet someday i m waiting for it all to go up in flame feel like my time is limited and i wa never meant to get this far tittering on the edge of the abyss honestly don t know if i have it in me to climb out again getting flash back of being in that hole i can t recall how i got out it before in my case i can only describe it a god supernatural intervention i hope he doesn t allow me to go through this again honestly don t know if i can do this again,1
so my wife ha clinical depression she wa diagnosed two year ago and ha actively been taking medication i won t lie it get hard sometimes but i m trying to understand this more and more so that i can maintain my own stability and mental health while helping her when i can anyhow so from an outsider s point of view sometimes it feel like my wife experienced something or doe something and then the depression symptom happen sometimes they boil over and sometimes you go back into therapy to help when i ask she say nothing specifically happened she just doesn t feel good is this common can yo help understand how some of you experience an onset of symptom tl dr trying to understand to be there for my wife,1
i m quitting my job today and i m a wreck this job ha great people but the work and the hour day most of the year ha pushed me deeper into my depression than i can help i feel like such a failure quitting such a prestigious job because i couldn t handle it my therapist is hyping me up and all of my friend and family are so supportive but i am so unsupportive of myself that all of it read false ha anyone quit their job before because of mental difficulty how do you get excited about new opportunity rather than feeling depressed about past challenge,1
some people are so incredibly good at faking confidence and man it s hard to believe how charismatic and shit people who are anxious or depressed can be,1
lot of depressed people out here just barely holding on to what little they have if anything life is tough another day,1
i know problem have always existed many people who are depressed now have been depressed before all of this shit happened but i can not help but feel like two year of our life have been taken away from u most people my age had to waste one year or more of their life doing college university remote i personally have witnessed multiple war and conflict break out over this time so much death so much stress so much grief anxiety and sorrow covid isn t the worst of what ha happened recently i feel like i don t need to mention what the world ha been going to hell a lot of people are writing that nothing seems fun well that s because it s not we re not allowed to do anything we re only allowed to be miserable and watch each other suffer emotionally financially mentally physically where ha everything went wrong maybe this is all a cruel joke well it s not funny,1
being loved by everyone having money to take care of my family giving back traveling the world getting up each morning working on project having no insecurity being respected being king,1
i can t cope with being alone again why am i so envious of my closest friend being happy with others while i am here by myself heartbroken and given delusion that i have an actual special relationship with her you told me that i wa your closest friend but why don t you treat me like one why do you look happier when you re with others why do you always make me look like a fool when i show my affection but appreciate any other person when they show theirs i ve always helped you at you at your lowest but why did you give up on me at my lowest there s so much that i want to ask her but i would look pathetic if i do you always tell me in person that i am important to you but why don t you want to spend time with me like the way we used to how can i get used to being alone again it s like i m being choked then allowed to breathe for a second just to get choked again right after my envy won t let me go i still want her i am still hoping i could fix this i want to be happy too but now nobody care if i show sadness i ll be seen a weak why do others get loved and have dependable people with them while i am left alone trying to find answer from people that are lonely too may i ask how can i depend on solely myself again i need to learn how i opened myself too much and now i feel like a husk with everything taken out from me i would not commit suicide but i have no fear of death now if it mean taking away these thought away from me once and for all,1
it never get easier no matter how many year i wait it s not getting better i never learn to cope properly i don t even feel the slightest bit more okay or hopeful even after three year of therapy i am so fucking miserable every single day everything is so exhausting and i dread the fact that i have to wake up tomorrow and do something i just want to be left alone i can t deal with all of this i already shut down because of the smallest thing i have depressive episode every single day after work i don t want to live a a human being i hate this stupid world and everything in it i don t want it i never wanted to live in the first place i m so angry that i am forced to just exist because otherwise i d make people feel sad the joy i might feel for a few second once in a while doesn t make up for how much pain i go through daily none of this is fucking worth it and everyone who say it is is either lying to themselves or incredibly stupid,1
i hate it when people cheer me on or encourage me or anything uplifting at all it hard to believe that they are genuinely saying that and not just saying it out of pity and just to be nice for example when i wa younger i hated being cheered on during race or competition even though i wa so far behind it felt horrible miserable and i wa furious i felt like fighting whoever cheered me on whenever people try to say something uplifting it just seems like they are being nice if you are saying something just to be nice it mean it not true and they feel bad for u idk if this is a personal thing but i just wan na know if anybody else can relate,1
today wa a normal day i have started keep a to do list to tackle my depression it not always necessary for me to everything on that list provided i have some definite reason in my mind to not doing everything like okay i didn t cook today because the gas connection wasn t there also this list ha helped me with my medication a sometimes heavy dos make me feel forget to do small stuff but something s left from the list undone and i don t have any particular reason for that except spending extra time resting or etc i feel horrible and then a fear started to grow back of my head that if i don t keep with that list i will again fall in depression today after work i took some time off for myself then my boyfriend came over and we spent some quality time but it also made me let for cooking my dinner and a i planned to go for cycling after dinner now i am constantly feeling horrible for not striking off one job from my list and the absurd thing is i haven t even had my dinner yet so i am already freaking out about something which probably i will have time to do this whole situation is not only giving me anxiety without any concrete reason but also making me feel guilty for enjoying something that i love,1
hello just need some music to listen and spend time thank you,1
just booked to speak to my doctor about starting anti depressant i suffer from panic disorder agoraphobia developed from this depression and gad on a couple different thing at the moment but never had an ssri haven t been prescribed yet but zero doubt i will be i just wanted to see what people have experienced with these did they work for you did you face any unpleasant encounter with them any and all experience you are willing to share i would be grateful for i m just nervous about starting them my mind is quite foggy at the moment and it hard to get rid of my worry about them,1
the first dog that my family ever got recently started experiencing seizure we took her to the vet and we won t be able to find out what the problem is a it cost too much money she is suspected of having a brain tumor and her steroid medication seems to be working i just can t help but feel like there isn t much time left for her and i can t deal with just the thought of her dying all i know is that she ll be in a better place and that she will have lived an amazing and happy life but i m completely broken,1
i m just an armature idiot i m not a pro bodybuilder despite being diligent for over year in my training i m not a manager despite literally figuring out my current job from scratch and training everyone i m fucking short and pathetic and no one ever take me seriously i m not competent since i m a dumbass dropout and my depression and self loathe ha destroyed my social life how can i just go blip and never come back,1
over lockdown i started binge eating to get through it wa fucking fantastic i d just get unbelievably stoned and eat and then suddenly it s tomorrow i didn t have to deal with anything but i don t enjoy eating anymore i don t like food it suck and i m at work and i pig out just to try make myself feel better because i guess that s what i do and i felt horrible so i thought hey is a good a year a any to develop an eating disorder so i tried throwing up in the toilet and literally couldn t get anything up i just gagged and then i pull back and suddenly the cloud change and i m just bathed in sunlight kneeling on the floor of a bathroom and i just couldn t stop thinking of those prayer add that say try praying and couldn t stop laughing for like 0 minute i wanted to share because i think it s really funny but who tf am i telling this story to so you get it anyways now i feel spewy af and need a smoke hope you enjoyed xo,1
i ll go back to the beginning i started dating a girl i feel i really fell in love with it lasted only month but i really felt something for her there were a few time i asked to be intimate with her with the last time her telling me she thought she wa asexual i wa fine with that and wa trying my best to adapt she wasn t a touchy partner but my love language is touch whenever she asked to tone it down i did everything i could to tone it down though in hers and my whole friend group s eye i didn t try hard enough she broke up with me over text with a long paragraph not in person because our friend group probably told her i wa shaking from anxiety that morning i talked to a friend who wasn t in the friend group about what i knew wa going to happen the girlfriend got very upset with me about that but i felt like i couldn t talk to anybody about it without them telling the girlfriend about how scared i wa i admit talking to someone else instead of her wa wrong but i felt like if i talked to the girlfriend about how scared i wa of the break up it wa going to get worse she told me i made everyone uncomfortable that i don t listen or have boundary after reading that long break up paragraph i spiraled i ran somewhere the group wouldn t find me and i completely broke down it wa so bad that i wa taken to the hospital because of my thought of self harm and worse i lost that friend group that girlfriend a lot of people from that place there s only one person in that friend group that still talk to me and i think she s annoyed with how much i dream about everyone no one in the group talk about me anymore i wa easy to get rid of and easy to forget what suck more is that this isn t the first time this happened in that group i always knew that one wrong move and i wa next and then it actually happened i haven t been able to keep track of time or my own memory i haven t been sleeping well either too little or too much i ve been using pot a lot more than i had before and i m exhausted all day every day all i want is to die,1
i dont know what s wrong with me i live in the philippine and im a year old boy i used to be a honor student when we still had face to face class but we had online class for the past year and in my first year of online class i got lucky and passed but now i don t know what im doing anymore im not doing anything productive i don t know what s happening i can t do anything right i can t even force myself to eat or take a bath or get out of my room i haven t eaten for half a day and i just feel bad all the time i always have this bad feeling in my stomach everytime i get messaged by my teacher about my missing project and i do my everything to avoid it i don t know why but everytime i see something about school i get dizzy and i skip it immediately i can t even sleep anymore because everytime i sleep i get nightmare about not doing my schoolwork i dont know if im just overreacting or im just lazy but i hate this feeling so much the disappointment of my parent when they find out every semester that i always have missing schoolwork the feeling in my heart and stomach i would rather die everytime i feel it i just want to dissapear everynight wishing to not wake up anymore wishing that i dont have to wake up and have the exact same feeling i might be overreacting about this but i just really want someone to talk to it always ha a chain reaction of overthinking and it lead to my childhood trauma like how i got sexually assaulted by my cousin when i wa at the age of everytime i came to their house to play they would teach me inappropriate thing that lead me into being exposed to pornography at such a young age they made me do thing that pleasure them and i used to think that it wa just normal and something that friend do i still blame myself for not stopping them and that i didn t say no i have always hated myself i wanted to live someone else s life anyone but me i dont want to be myself anymore i just want to dissapear i hate this feeling but i don t know what it is,1
the number one reason i m severely depressed is the fact that i can never get a foothold in life i m like this powerful rocket on the launch pad that never take off rocket have phenomenal thrust potential but they need a team of people to actually allow it to succeed at what it wa built for i need friend i need family i need people to actually work with me i m year old and have yet to find a foothold to allow me to ascend the mountain for success i ve worked so hard i ve worked countless hour i ve dedicated my heart and soul to excellence i even started my own company a few year ago but a company can not simply run itself you need client investor and people that actually believe in what you re doing in order for that to reach it fully potential i have all this stored up explosive thrust yet no way to get any of it off the launch pad i can have all the desire integrity energy die hard spirit and tenacity however i can t do it alone in a world of untapped potential i feel absolutely isolated and alone i m incredibly intelligent and resourceful yet i m still broke financially and can t ever find a way to get a leg up it take more then one person to succeed i can t continue to give 000 while this world turn a cold shoulder to me and give nothing in return it doesn t and can t work that way so yeah i m depressed and teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown because life isn t working with me it s constantly working against me and to my ultimate demise,1
i think i am meant to die in obscurity i ve been working here for almost year and learned everything from scratch this company is just a mess yet i ve got nowhere else to go last year we had a new guy start and he ended up being my best friend i trained him we literally know everything about each other and we ve gotten close but one thing that bothered me wa that he s gotten two promotion not just small promotion i m talking management business partner promotion within le than month here i am who know the service center and struggling to keep our employee happy and training new people yet i keep getting overshadowed i ve given up on everything now it s clear to me that i personally don t matter anywhere i have to die so i can be reborn or just never be born agai into this pathetic life i m too nice and i m short and dropped out of college i m happy for him because i m such a nice guy and i know his story so i know it s not nepotism and he would be a great fit but so would i not even a freaking interview just to be a temporary solution for a permanent manager so why set yourself up for failure and use somoene who ha not been in this role in over minths and avoid the one person who took everything on and learned everybing from scratch and literally got a pay increase a year after because they diddint fucking realize i had worked for over 0 ymfycmi g year kill me nowjillmekillemememememenediediedeidekillme,1
i just can t i m too weak too pathetic too lazy too cowardly i m going to kill myself,1
i failed my behind the wheel test for the third time god know how many time i took and failed the written exam though i seem to be doing fine when i m driving with my husband i wonder if me and driving is not just meant to be i suck at everything,1
i just can t people and the thought of how i am uninteresting and awkward in social situation make me sick,1
i m just wondering if starting on antidepressant again after having taking a break is it still month i have to wait for them to kick in again i m assuming so but i wa also hoping maybe it d be sooner i ve been off fluoxetine for about a month or so i think it s hard to keep track and i feel like i m spiralling back into feeling hopeless kinda dream like where i can never keep up with everything i know i shouldn t have stopped but i m so forgetful and it wa so hard keeping up with staying on schedule with taking my med i m also thinking maybe i should ask my doctor about an adhd diagnosis i wa with a free service headspace with a clinician helping me with my mental health but i feel like they weren t helping me enough don t get me wrong i really really appreciate everything they did for me but it just felt so long getting answer between the session and i did try bringing these thing up to my clinician it wa kind of a toss up between me possibly having adhd or autism but since i m an adult and i live in a small town in australia there s no psychologist or anything who can formally diagnose me here we were doing zoom call with an actual psychologist at time but these were very long month apart and it felt like nothing wa happening he also couldn t tell me if it wa autism adhd since he didn t have the qualification it wa hard juggling the schedule with my job i had recently gotten and i kept forgetting to go to my appointment then i kept forgetting to take my med eventually i stopped going to headspace and wa no longer enrolled in their program i felt like i would be fine i could deal with it but i just can t i feel so damn isolated like i m on another plane of existence sometimes i struggle so much to keep up with everything i struggle so much to connect with people and communicate genuinely without having to mask or act i just don t know what to do since the only other way i can get a proper diagnosis is going to the nearest big city and paying a lot of money for that diagnosis it s 00 for a doctor to tell me if i have autism or not and i don t even know how to go about the adhd diagnosis another 00 for the flight and accommodation too should i try and save money for the diagnosis i feel like my friend and family dismiss me so much about my mental health too they make me feel so doubtful like i d be wasting money like i d go over there and i d be told nothing is wrong with me i can save the money but i m afraid of my friend and family being right about this sort of thing,1
i haven t had a mental breakdown in a while because i m practicing to not let thing get to me a much a i did before now a day i ve been feeling sad not wanting to talk to people getting angry and cry i cried for about day now and i don t know how to get back to normal i m scared that i might go back in my black hole and that would be terrible because i don t think i can stop the thought if they yell loud enough i m scared because i might fall back and listen it s miserable in the black hole honestly i ve been pushing so hard in 0 i just want someone tell me that they are proud of me and to keep pushing please if you re a father please note that you are because i would love to hear it from a dad father s are their daughter first love but not in my case so please help me out,1
i didn t do the best in school i doubt i ll have any success i hate blaming it on other thing but i wa homeless for a little while and constantly on the edge of being homeless and i knew it i wa physically abused and have ptsd because of it i ve struggled with substance abuse i m just feeling like i ve already messed up and i don t even have good memory of my childhood i don t know what to do i m only 9 and i m just over it all i don t see it getting better im closed off from my friend and family i barely see them im just so lost mentally,1
depressed college student checking in i literally get 9 hour of sleep every single night i dont drink or abuse substance and am in good shape for the love of god i can not get my as out of bed i seriously cant im having really poor attendance issue becayse of this i hate what i do i see no point in all of this struggle to just fuckin exist all this hell i go thru debt stress and burnout is all so i can have a chance at a shit show 9 job my school love to make life unnecessarily hard to keep student from graduatin on time so they can suck more ane more from u getting out of bed is my biggest challenge it all full circle im depressed i dont like what i do and i dont feel that what im doing is effective i m anxious about my future and dont know what to do about it all i look forward to doing is sleeping eating is a chore showering is a chore being awake is a hassle the cost of existance ha won it beat the life outta me,1
i m and my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety yesterday meanwhile my mom doesn t leave any chance to make me feel inferior keep barking the world would be a mess if there will be more like you thank god i didn t have another child are some common term i hear everyday but let s skip that i workout almost everyday and took a day break due to a minor injury while bench pressing but now i m just not feeling ok i worked out today and my forearm got so fatigued that i could do nothing so i started with ab again nothing then leg stretching again nothing i m tired of myself i couldn t even tell the doctor what s happening with me i m hitting myself of anger i m shouting i m throwing the weight here and there and what not i ve been feeling really off and am feeling weird my chest is heavy my throat is heavy im not able to cry i m not able to do anything,1
i am 0 trying to achieve my goal but i stay on bed doing nothing for several month i live alone and feel loneliness all the time i want somebody to get motivated together on daily basis to overcome our problem,1
i usually brush it off with excuse but it s time to be honest with myself i m actively in a depression episode feeling like cry constantly and it s exhausting to do anything no interest in living just existing and my med aren t working for it so here i am depressed and feeling stuck,1
i passed the part where the withdrawal made me feel crap i m slowly becoming the person i wa before med but i really didn t miss it my insecurity is the highest it s ever been in year i ve been ignoring school i ve gained weight there is always this sound in my head saying no one actually want me my usual cheerful self feel forced now it s weird how the feeling i had for year can feel so foreign i don t know a long a my family doesn t know about it it s okay i guess,1
i m tired of trying but sadly i m insistent or maybe i never actually tryed something im alone since ever i ve never had friend or someone special never dated anything the only relationship that wa all the time on my head wa the one with myself or maybe how much this relation wa needed and it feel the same about having a family i think of leaving them and start living for me and my own and only life for literally the first time im going to a therapist now it took me long and hurtful year to accomplish this im really proud of me for taking this step alone and even hyped kinda faithful but honestly i ll never recover around my family and that suck cause i don t have money yet and not even a job im not able to work thanks to depression my family pay my shit and make sure to remember me this every day that s my biggest shame but on the inside i know that i can t do that for me now but the feeling that i m a total waste of life will never fade away cause i never did it i never lived but i saw too much i have so many me on me that i don t know which one is the actual me i believe i m still a child year when my first trauma happened there s no memory from moment before or after this age only from my emotion and fear and it s scary af cause they re all fear of a little girl it s all the same cold not sure of anything but know a lot not alive enough to feel but feeling too much at the same time and i m the same girl alone scared and sad willing for help but with no one to ask besides me been living through other age and others version of myself every one with their personality and the y me me living the alternative story that in the end is probably another part of another time of my existence but i m lost on who or what i am i m still scared from the bad today the bad from inside that s the worst one growing in silence causing confusion and suffering turned myself into a monster to protect me but made me forever guilty for losing my own respect dangerous in all the scariest is that the real cunning and devious danger is inside i still wonder when i ll get home even though i have no idea of where or what home is or feel like,1
so why do i still feel so depressed i survived a horrible brain injury twice i did well in school and went to college and earned a degree i found love and got engaged i attended again and got a second degree i m working in the field i wanted to in the speciality that i love i have friend and family who love me i do the thing that i enjoy doing i feel hopeless i feel worn out i am bored with life at only i feel pessimistic i feel depressed doe anyone else feel like they ve done all the right thing followed all the right step and are still depressed i know this process take time but it s hard to feel motivated to continue trying when for almost eleven year nothing i m doing is helping,1
the only time i enjoy this life is when i m next to my laptop but i cant stare at it for ever i m always uncomfortable outside my room it s the only safe place i have been told to face reality many time before and when i do i always end up worrying others with my mental state so this time i think i ll face reality head first and i m sure some of them will be sad i know people care for me but i don t care about myself but i care them so by doing this im just helping them long term right im sorry for hurting confusing etc others i never meant to,1
i feel so tired so exhausted i sleep most of the day away and have no reason to get up thing are hard and my life is in a bad spot on one had i feel like i wan na let go and let the tear flow but on the other hand i just feel so empty and they don t even wan na come out i just sit here staring at the same spot in the wall with no drive to do anything anymore i m not sure the anti depressents are even helping me much anymore they re gon na run out soon anyways because of some bullshit with my insurance that s nice i just feel like i need to get out get some where far away and if i don t soon thing are gon na end badly i have nightmare about my emotional support animal dying still it s so hard to get over it my friend keep checking in on me because i m not active and say it s fine and i can vent but i feel i m letting them down i don t even drink to escape and feel like i can t anyways because an abusive drunk father i had got violent when he did and i m scared of ending up like him this is a vent post so i don t expect any reply out of it i just really needed to let this out and i obviously couldn t tell a therapist because i d just be put in a damn hospital and billed out of my as for it,1
recently i anonymously posted on my uni facebook page just to vent about my constant self doubt and how i struggle to do well in the course i want to succeed in because it s a dream job you can post anything there a long a it s uni related most comment were nice but this one absolutely unnecessary comment told me i should give up and how it s unfair that i m taking up space for others who will do better in my course like huh i know what they said is so off track and i should 00 ignore it cu they re a fking loser who know nothing about everything but i can t help but have it repeated in my head because i already have such a lack of self confidence in my skill and i genuinely believe that i m not cut out for it but i know damn well that i m trying what i can to achieve a goal despite everything around me but yeah needed to let this out i can t believe people like him exist it wasn t even just my post he shat on everyone else who wa struggling with uni how sad can your life be to do that,1
i wqs wondering after i remember myself trying lot of med im currently on risperidona 0mg and it working like a charm what dose do you guy use of your med and what type of med for profound psychotic depression,1
why there is psychosis in profound depression whats the chemical explanation,1
amp x 00b how do u deal with the loneliness when living alone how do u engage yourself who do u talk to i literally crave some human being to talk to but have only few friend,1
my parent recorded a great deal of my early childhood so there is a lot of footage of me when i wa very young i used to be the most innocent and carefree little boy who never even once thought about what others thought about him or the way he looked i never cared about being lonely it wa just me with me and my mom and dad and i wa the happiest kid in the world the smallest thing made me smile year later i am now miserable and wishing i wa dead i barely even speak to my parent anymore and i push away and resent everybody around me my parent are heartbroken by the fact that i don t speak to anyone i m horrified by how shit my life ha become and how terrible of a person i am now due to my own mental health deteriorating beyond control i had so many friend a year ago but all i do is push people away and be a burden seeing what i used to be and comparing it to what i am now make me want to cry every time i see a little kid being happy and innocent i wish so badly that i never grew up and i could have remained a happy little boy forever,1
i can not change the bad in me i feel hopeless i do not want to hurt i always want to make the best out of the worst i do not want to hurt,1
i just got another thing i have to look out and care for overcame the college exam and finally found one more freelance deal to keep me fed anyway job got cancelled because of covid 9 but it s an online tutoring what doe it ha to do with covid i m doing all i can with every option i have i work consistently but why doe it always have to be so one sided i have day left with only little money enough for a single meal until i may get the chance to work there are phone and landline bill which i wouldn t be able to work without yet still unpaid because college say fuck you and pay u or we kick you out because i didn t have enough to enroll for this term why why why i want to die but i can t i don t want to make people i care about sad but this is not fair,1
hello stranger this is just a vent post so i ll try to be thorough if i m going to suffer on account of my own bad decision i might a well try to get some upvotes out of it he blocked me on his snapchat although i have thought about reaching out and trying to patch thing up via other texting apps i m pretty sure he s done with me i need to mention that we weren t technically dating and i ve only been together with him about a month you wan na know the best part i wa the one who actually hurt him i can t even claim to be the victim here every shitty emotion currently pinning me down is 00 deserved all because i wa having a bad day and decided to smother my emotion in the company of another dude it wa only a month nothing ha really changed in my life i m still 9 year old i m still going to college i m still not attending class and i m still just a shitty a i wa before someone asked me once where i wan na be in five year if i m lucky my the time i m twenty four i ll be long dead i ve been thinking about ending my life almost every day i don t really see a way out of this endless cycle of bad emotion i m just scared that i m too much of a coward to go through with it i guess i want to know if it get better i want someone to tell me that i m not too far gone and there s still hope for me even if i don t believe it myself,1
just completely drained of all impulse feel like my body is a big doll and it just leaked all it air and i m just completely deflated i sold out gave up on my belief i wasted my young year loving someone who doesn t love me gave in to every compulsion and spent my year a a sidekick a a passerby a a ghost i don t even feel like dying or living or anything i m just deflated dissaociated i feel like i m just the memory that my body have and those memory are all terrible or associated with terribleness like i m stuck in a dark room and can only hear the same stupid dumb anticlimactic story over and over and over again there is no point or reason or value or meaning to anything i honestly don t understand how ppl can walk in city and think this urban hell is real we live in a horrible dystopian hell,1
i once had some talent look charm and a sense of the endless possibility of life and existence but i blew it all with terrible decision now i stand here with head bowed beaten destroyed the oyster is rotten,1
for long in a while i hit a down again and that come with a lot of thinking like last time when i felt like that i distanced myself from my friend and they didn t even bother to ask me what is wrong with me i m an really introverted person but ask them all the time how they are doing and offer them my support i ask myself when they would if they start to ask themselves where i am if i would just dissappear without saying anything i can t believe i am posting in this sub again but i don t know who to tell stuff like this,1
so i came out of clinical depression like month ago i wa never on med i somehow used affirmation and mental exercise however today when i still see people battling mental illness and not address it and be in this successful relationship in front of the world and them coming to me with their relationship issue which point back to their mental health i find this so ironic and make me feel stupid for healing completely cause in this world we live in a healed person is punished with solitude and a person who is goin thru their trauma ha support from someone or something i don t even know what this cycle mean i just wan na know and be for someone out there,1
i am not sure if this is the right place for it but last friday one of my classmate told me jokingly to jump out of a window she ha been doing that joke for over a month i ve had it up to here so i said i d blow my head off on the weekend i tried to hurt myself and went to the emergency room on monday they prescribed me some lexapro and i went home relieved that i finally got some help half an hour after i returned home cop stormed my apartment saying they received a hint from the school that i wa gon na hurt myself and they searched my whole apartment for a gun which i don t have so they obv didn t find one and restrained me they then took me to the same hospital i wa at just half an hour ago and i spoke to the psychiatrist there again who told the police i am not a threat to myself or someone else so they let me go again during that they took my phone and it ran out of battery and i didn t have access to it for like hour or more during that time two of my classmate messaged me asking why i blocked them and they attacked me not knowing my phone ran out of battery and that s why i didn t answer they then blocked me and i explained to them on instagram what happened and they read it but didn t care apparently my classmate apparently told our headmaster they were worried and then he called the police i am getting the proper help from all of my teacher and my headmaster and i have an appointment with our school psychiatrist soon it s just that this whole police incident ha left me panicking and cry when i see a police officer car and everytime someone with heavy boot walk on my apartment floor i sit up thinking the police will come back again i also can t sleep properly and can t distract myself because i keep having horrible flashback of the scene when the police stormed in which leaf me breaking down it left me broken traumatized overwhelmed and desperate because i don t know what to do on top of that my classmate all blocked me are ignoring me and not even looking at me talking about being worried and not even one person asked me if i wa alright or how i wa doing i am considering going back to the emergency room and talking to the same psychiatrist from before but it s not really an emergency you know sorry if this text is long i am just overwhelmed and don t know what to do anymore all i know is i am traumatized a fuck and broken what should i do someone please assure me that everything is gon na be okay because at this point all my hope ha left me,1
everyone say it get better i have wanted to kill myself since i m now and i wish i had done it then i wish i wa brave back then because thing are only worse now,1
i have already had a bad start to my day i wa in a car line about to drop off my daughter and my foot accidentally left the pedal and i bumped into the car in front absolutely no damage or scratch left she come out immediately saying you stupid bitch n a bunch of profanity at me i have my kid in the car under yo and i m pregnant so i avoid all confrontation plus she s threatening to put her hand on me the cop come they give her my insurance info and a of now she ha already filed a claim with them the only thing i m stressing about is telling my husband he s so emotionally abusive and it just suck it wa an accident and i know he s going to talk mess to me i just wished i had a more supportive husband by my side i ve already had a bad day i ve already had enough emotional abuse at the hand of my mother and sometimes i feel like he s worse and i just can t continue living like this any longer he won t let me divorce him either i can only imagine the custody battle he will drag me through i have no job and no where to go no one to lean on i m just feel so stuck even if i did leave he physically won t let me leave with my kid and if i leave when he s not here i ll be scared of the threat,1
even the most basic task are super difficult to do this is most likely going to be my final week on this shitty planet and it s most certainly going to be my final post,1
i am year old and i have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depressive problem since i wa i have no one i don t have anyone to talk to when i have a problem my family it s not even that they don t want to help me it s that they don t want to listen to me they have even blamed me for part of their problem my father tried to kill himself over 0 year ago when i wa little and i have always been afraid that he would do it again a few year ago i wa very bad and my father told me that when he saw me like that he wanted to crash the car into a wall how could i share my problem in such a situation i do not have friend i may have had at some point year ago but never particularly close and the one who wa closest to me when he found out about my problem he started to distance himself from me apart from telling many more people what i told him in private i have no one to vent to no family or friend i left my psychologist to whom i paid 0 euro per session because she came to call me selfish for being depressed and not being in the same situation a a beggar a cancer patient or a person from ukraine this last one seemed totally outrageous to me i do not know what to do i m sick all day no one to vent to or talk about anything just my medication that doesn t work for me lately and so with year i can t get any better just survive day to day,1
i feel the need of depending on people for me to feel better and more comfortable but i don t think that s the right way to go but at the same time i m not even sure how i could better myself on my own it s probably the most difficult thing i m doing and i just feel really nervous right now and i hate that i sleep so late it s honestly bugging me and affecting me so much i just want someone who truly care about me to say i ll do alright that i ll find a way to overcome this it feel uncomfortable to cry at time i can t even do it really anymore it just last a few second and then my state of mind change and my brain just go through these phase of different feeling im not sure what i m gon na do tonight but i guess the only thing i can do is be on my phone and just have this pain in my chest last till i pas out,1
this week hasn t been any short of just sad i sprained my ankle on sunday and have been using crutch because of it i m on my college campus so getting to class ha been super difficult my ex and i went no contact on sunday and i ve just been cry over that so much because i still am very much in love with them and miss them so much over the past couple of week i ve been rejected from at least 0 job i wa waiting to hear back from this summer internship position yesterday i put my heart and soul into the application other people have received their acceptance email around 0pm last night but i have yet to hear anything and because they said they d reach out to u yesterday if we got accepted i can just assume that i didn t get the position that just feel like the straw that broke the camel back there hasn t been an hour within the past couple day where i haven t cried i just feel so hopeless and so alone i feel myself slipping back into depression and it suck so much i just don t feel like there s anything i can do atp,1
this past year ha been my get out of hand year i normally handle my depression well i know what trigger low point i know how to get myself out of my funk i know how to manage it but this year oh this year ha beat the ever loving shit out of my mental health i had a baby and got ppd really bad i have ptsd from being in a horrible accident with my best friend and having him literally die while i wa trying my hardest to stop the bleeding and the anniversary of his death is coming up on the st the only person i ever would talk about it with wa our friend sarah who wa dating his brother and she really took me in and helped me the week following his death i had started drinking heavily and just being wreck le and not caring if anything happened to me she wa the biggest ball of sunshine and positive person i had ever met and she killed herself last month i didn t even know she wa depressed so my mind is a wreck right now she wa my positive person my rock and she couldn t handle her sadness and took her own life and i feel even more horrible because how selfish wa it of me to not see that she wasn t okay i have cried every day for two week i am angry and hostile and don t want to be around anyone i don t even want to me around my own kid my mom temporarily moved in for the next couple of week because of how bad i wa getting my neighbor are even texting me asking if i m okay and i have hit the point where i don t even try faking it i just say no no i m not okay,1
i couldn t take the pain anymore so i locked up my emotion and feeling and when i have to interact with others i fake it i know that when i let them back in it s going to be catastrophic but i need it being on ice feel good every now and then what scare me is that when i wa little i used to do it without realizing it for week at a time and i didn t know how to get out of it now i check myself from time to time to see what state i m in and whether it s time to get out of it or not i think i ll stay in the ice for week i think,1
it s one thing to feel bad mentally but when i m constantly feeling physically ill a well it make trying to get myself to do positive thing so much harder i can never just feel okay not mentally or physically always in some sort of pain and always feeling like shit then when you ask for help you just get out on a month waiting list,1
everything is a really weird blur not all the time but these wave of blur come and go doe anybody else have this it s like i m existing but not really dead but alive deaf but i can hear blind but i can see what is this,1
school work talent cultural knowledge relationship health physical appearance there s always someone better than me and no matter how hard i try the result are mediocre nothin outstanding i shouldn t have existed everything i ve done amount to nothing,1
i just want to be left alone i wish people would stop reaching out i just need alone time to heal i don t share that i have depression with my family or friend so that make it weirder they probably think i m rude but regardless i wish i would be left alone,1
i try to play video game but just quit immediately and the same thing happens with my guitar i just can t do either one,1
i m alive because i wan na outlive all the mf who gave me truma,1
i m not sure if this is the right subreddit to go to but i don t know where else to go my spouse ha struggled with severe depression his whole life it is genetic his dad wa the same any amount of pressure make him worse he constantly feel a though life is not worth living and he s a lost cause he will never feel okay and just want the pain to go away we have a baby coming any day now and i wa worried that pressure wa gon na send him over the edge we have been talking about having him voluntarily go to a psych ward and see if they can help kinda a a last ditch effort before i just give him permission to end it today he talked to his counselor about going to one in a few week after the baby wa here and they came and picked him up an hour later he is pissed doesn t want to be there which i understand is normal he feel completely betrayed by his councellor and never want to go back i m worried that now he is going to pretend like he is fine just to get out the point of this is to get help why won t he just take it i m scared the mental hospital won t help at all i just need you guy who have been there before to be honest with me did it help what thing helped and what made it worse if it doe help or when he come back home what are some thing i can do to continue the healing process or just make his life easier anything else you feel to share please do i hate not knowing thing and this is really killing me right now,1
why can t people like me what did i do wrong am i really just a shitty person i ve known for a long as while that no one like me but i ve just ignored that fact and smiled and tried to socialize with others it just make thing worse and i m just an annoying fuck i just wan na know why i m annoying i ve accepted all of this today and realized that no one give a fuck about me even my own family think i m just a burden why can t people just like me,1
i hold a lot of pain and trauma in me and i m not good at sharing it with others except for a very select few i have started therapy recently sometimes this pain really take control of me almost put me in a black hole where i can t stop and it take a big toll on me and those closest to me mentally therefore i am hurting the people i love most in my life and the pain only get worse i wish i can stop but i get so deep in this hole for that moment of time and i can t escape it when i realize how awful i have been to everyone else it s too late the damage ha been done they understand my trauma and what i been through but people can only handle so much i don t want to hurt those around me anymore what are the best tip to stop or just improve over time thank you,1
what can i do besides tell someone that someone is bullying me it keep my depression even worse thx for the help,1
i have been going for month to a new therapist and originally the goal wa to just do self care like shower eat take my med stuff like that i had graduated college and moved to a new city to start my first big boy job and i wa struggling with the life transition now i have everything together i take care of myself i have a stable career i go out on the weekend i have a strong healthy relationship but i m still depressed every session it seemed like she wa seeking goal out of me but i just don t have any i have everything but i m not happy and i can t come up with anything that would bring me happiness when i have everything i would need last night the topic of session wa my connection with people which i had made a goal out of last month but after getting to the end of it i made the statement that i don t know if i even want to make or strengthen these connection and she got frustrated with me and mentioned taking a break until i had a goal set and that my depression could just be my personality at this point since i have been dealing with it since i wa i m now i m just upset with myself and i don t really know what to do i ve had therapist in my life and none have really helped i know i have to do the work but it s hard for them to guide me when i don t even know what direction to go in i guess i just need to get another or more antidepressant or something idk,1
i m year old and i ve been depressed since sophomore in high school during those year i ve tried my best to keeping myself together not showing my true emotion try to make friend make people laugh etc and of course i still go through battle within myself but i ve been the victor so far recently it s been incredibly difficult i ve been contemplating suicide more often than usual now i am not saying that i m going to go through with it because it would absolutely destroy my family especially my mom they love me and i m lucky to have friend that care about me a well however i can t help but notice that my life is a complete and utter joke i ve made no accomplishment really nothing of value that i ve made a a year old person and it s getting to me i m not an intelligent person i have no ambition i have no drive and i have no goal in life compared myself to everyone else i m a loser i m a loser and i know it for a fact and i feel like my friend and family even my peer at work know it a well i m a joke now it ha been a struggle to keep my emotion and thought under control people start to notice a change in my demeanor when i talk to them noticing how i m not acting a my usual self my true emotion is starting to show itself and unending thought of suicide ha gone rampant i believe i am losing myself day by day and i m trying my damnedest to keep up appearance and not letting people worry about me of course i can t afford to go to therapy session or get my hand on prescribed medication so i m only left with limited resource hell i just got denied health insurance without a clue a to why honestly i m not sure what i m expecting by posting here i just appreciate anyone that took the time of their day to read my run of the mill sob story and perhaps giving their two cent thanks,1
i hate my living situation and i have no way out of it i m stuck and i cry almost everyday everyone in my home make me feel pointless and unwanted i wish i could control how sensitive i am about it,1
what can i say something major happened someone died friend of mine i am drunk i dont wan na call hotlines they know me already,1
im talking about the kind of depressive episode where you lay in bed all day for day week and struggle to find energy motivation for simple functioning such a eating and showering just lay sit there having negative thought and feeling hopeless useless and pathetic i have these episode a few or so time a year my question is do you generally have something in your mind that feel like the obstacle you need to cross to start the process of getting out of your depressive episode for example sometimes for me i just feel like if only i could completely clean my house i d start to feel better other time it might be something else on my to do list or a few thing i feel are the obstacle to feeling better the obstacle always seem insanely mundane but also impossible to do in my state a if i d have to put on a ton of body weight and get up and do it with all that extra weight and already feeling fatigued it bizarre because ive noticed over the year that completing whatever it is that i ve decided a my obstacle is generally the st step to leaving my major depressive episode i can t describe the mental workout it is to get something done sometimes though like i may attempt to get it done time in a week to just end up giving up and going back to bed i m just wondering if anyone else get this and set up hurdle type thing for themselves when they are super depressive and do you ever eventually complete your obstacle amp doe it help you to coming out of the episode,1
i always issue and now they are catching up with me my blood pressure is dangerously high most day i m dizzy and disoriented worst of all i m tired the last one wa here for a long time but it got to the point where i no longer have the energy to do anything no matter how hard i try to push it i wa passively suicidal for a long time i didn t have the courage to actually kill myself but i wouldn t look both way when i crossed the street i drank and smoked did stuff that i knew wa dangerous and now it seems it worked and now i m scared i don t care about myself but i have man who love me i have a month old little brother and i m terrified what how they would feel if i died but my condition is getting worse and i can t bring myself to do anything about it,1
this post is regarding my father who relentlessly forced his own will upon me and made me choose my career and life choice based on that a a result it ha brought catastrophic consequence for me i wa an above average student at school but used to be excellent in creative pursuit like theatre writing story and poem english literature filmmaking etc but my father wa totally against all that he made me choose what subject i needed to take for my good future and it wa always what he think wa best that zi needed to do there wa actually no way i could protest because it would have led to physical violence so to cut the story short i graduated from school in the year 0 then because my father forced me to enroll in a wierd course i lost two more year until i couldn t and then in 0 i had to drop out because i wa failing in every exam it wa in those several month that i endured the worst mental agony of my life it wa a lot of mental burden placed upon me my father called me a failure and what not and compared me with a number of successful kid in the neighborhood and to the kid of his friend who were in good university and doing very well in 0 i cracked one of the toughest exam but unfortunately my rank wa not good and most of it wa due to the rampant corruption and lack of transparency and accountability in the examination conducting board what i mean to say is that i could have scored better if the result were not questionable in nature a court case went but nothing happened finally i take admission in one of the worst place i could imagine to spend another year of my life doing something i absolutely loathed again because of the pressure from my father then in 0 0 i finally graduated but then the covid pandemic broke out every one wa working from home and the nature of my degree wa such that for newbie like me working from home wa not possible and in hand office experience wa required so i went unemployed for a year also in my final year i contracted a terrible life long disease due to the mental stress i wa in and the crappy food that i had to eat the mess in the hostel where i lived for year wa horrendous to say the least now it is 0 and i am still unemployed my father somehow blame me entirely for this and never once accepted his mistake in life now not only him but i too view myself a a failure and have lost faith in myself the confidence that i once had the energy of youth that wa brimming to overflow when i graduated from school in thr summer of 0 is all exhausted and gone i could have done something really good with my life in the creative field that s what i think i have a knack for it i have a good power of imagination and an intuitive mind but now i feel it wa all a waste and all ha been for nothing i have wasted more than 0 year of my life in my higher study and doing something i not only loathe but detest in the highest possible way it would not be wrong to say that my father is responsible for screwing my life over but that s what i think am i making an excuse what do you think,1
original text in german translated with google translator sorry for any mistake i hope it s still understandable unhappy with myself constantly comparing to others what do i really want need to get my life on track want to solve problem myself don t accept help don t say how i really feel say everything is fine even though nothing is fine gt pretend to myself dishonest to myself gaming training etc distraction self therapy i have the feeling that something is wrong with me everyday routine make me sick depressed every day at work and at home everything the same there must be more to life look for a sense in everything gt no sense waste of time aversion to social medium gt constantly comparing and seeing the perfect life of others make me sick thought what if i jumped off the bridge now or what if i would jump out of the window now what if i drove my car into the tree now obsessive thought suicidal thought constant dissatisfaction gt self improvement self optimization very present topic e g room training except in one s own head feeling i am different nobody understands me and nobody will ever understand me feeling of not being myself not knowing who how what i really want reactively bad relationship with my sibling why thought what if my father is dead would i be sad would i be happier thought i just want to smack my dad in the face for what he did to me and my family i m worth nothing i am a bad person because of my bad thought try to distract me from my problem youtube gaming etc if i m asked about it i don t want to talk about it avoid it mental breakdown in the car 0 0 0 on the way back from vocational school completely cry all the time and resolve to tell my problem and change my life when i m at home gt not done thought i m breaking off my education i hate my job i can t quit again i ve already dropped out of high school and college i m a piece of shit everything get better after training if i could do that summer 0 is now and my training is over i would do it no self confidence self esteem completely screwed can t express my feeling emotion erectile dysfunction because of depression very emotional video in which i find myself e g depression what do others think about me do they notice that i m weird different gorge on everything don t talk about my problem feeling of not living in the present but in the past lack of drive lack of motivation why am i doing all this what s the point unhappy feeling wanting to flee from the world and everything disease unresolved childhood trauma depression social phobia anxiety disorder alcohol problem obsession personality disorder who am i what do i want need a lot of love feeling to be loved at work feel uncomfortable shy and tense gt situation in which i sit in the car driving home and start screaming and banging on the roof i find it more and more difficult with other people to get in touch i m getting more and more shy and withdrawn i feel lonely and sad what happens after the training how doe it go on afraid of not making the exam no strength to do school stuff afraid of a lecture at school finally want to find me and be happy with me and my life mental breakdown christmas 0 with daniel and thorsten topic father mental breakdown at grandma in the garden with michael reason longing for day when i wa happy and carefree i m turning already and i still haven t gotten anything right in my life don t let any feeling get to me only laugh very seldom strong self doubt feeling in society there is no right place for me feeling of having to be perfect not accepting my mistake myself seek my luck in thing like alternative way of life world travel etc want to get away from materialism consumer society capitalism fast life,1
everyday i wake up same routine i feel underappreciated by those i live with i have very few i m very close to and care about my mental state ha been on a rapid decline for month now i m basically living for my cat and the person i m closest to i just constantly have this overwhelming sense of dread and paranoia everyday my family just doesn t seem to care anytime i do anything they make me feel lesser than them because i m not like them i just cant bring to care about most thing i try to lose myself in game or reading manga i dont want to necessarily die but i m just tired of living in general i dont tell people how i feel out of not wanting to put my problem on them i have spent a lot of night lately cry my self to sleep at am,1
i m a college student who ha changed their major different time and am currently pre med although i have always struggled in my science course for about the last year i have had zero motivation my gpa is slowly slipping a i never study or go to class i used to smoke weed all day i wa high most of 0 but i quit and now i just go on my phone in my room or watch movie i have no friend here and don t socialize i usually only leave my room to get food or to study for a test usually the day before or day of i get jealous when i see everyone hanging out and enjoying their college experience while i go to the movie alone or find other way to distract myself i keep telling myself i have to change but i never do i feel like my advisor have given up on me i don t even know if i want to be a doctor but it s a clear cut path that will allow me to help people and provide job security although my real dream is going to hollywood and trying to make it a a screenwriter i have been depressed and have cycled through a lot of medication with my doctor none of them work she now think i may have adhd i just struggle to think long term and have been extremely burnt out since senior year of high school before then i wa always a good student i don t know what happened to me i often fantasize about suicide or dying and lately have just been wishing to stay in my room and just do drug all day i don t know where my drive ha gone,1
my best friend doesn t want to be friend anymore i don t have the energy to fight for our friendship i feel a though i m constantly trying to be a better friend and person just because i m trying doesn t mean i m perfect but that s okay i m heartbroken over the fact but i can not keep someone who doesn t wan na be my friend,1
this is my first reddit post also my first time sharing this information with anyone but i can t really keep it in anymore man so bear with me hopefully there s a psychiatrist out there that will read this and hit me with some world altering advice because there is absolutely no way in hell i will ever tell anyone especially not a doctor or psychiatrist what you are about to read but i really just need to get this out there first and foremost no im not going to kill myself let s get that out of the way but i do think im depressed i wa telling myself it wa just a life slump for a long time then i wa telling myself it wa just sadness from the slump now i ve literally been sad and thinking negatively of myself almost every day for like a year and i got ta talk about it with someone even if someone is this phone screen i ve always had major self esteem and confidence issue not really sure what it stem from but i have always felt inferior to those around me which btw i can not believe people live life happy with their appearance that is a blessing that people take for granted anyways ive done some research and educated myself with the science behind depression and i believe that over the past few year a mix of rapid lifestyle change and stress related event ha caused me to have depression the part that confuses me is that while my life is on the more stressful and busy side of thing i don t feel like it s a bad life to live i have wonderful friend family i have a great scholarship to a good school i do fun thing and go to party and drink i feel like an average person put in my shoe would be happy and excel if they had any drive or passion at all which i do not probably why i fuck everything up all the time it is common for me to have suicidal thought i really don t know why since in reality i wouldn t want to kill myself i may be a piece of shit but im not selfish nor do i like the pain of self harm i am self aware of these thought and i have attempted breathing and thought altering method to get rid of them but they pierce my heart and mind like a dagger it physically hurt they are not always about suicide but they are always very negative targeted at myself i just can t help staring out at the edge of that cliff wishing i had the nut to finally end it all sometimes i can t look at myself in the mirror because i know it ll lead me to thinking negatively about myself just at the sight of me and a sad a it is to say it i really just do not like myself i look in the mirror and want to smash it or rip my face off because of how ugly i am objectively and on paper i am not the worst looking guy im and im physically fit but holy shit i swear what i see in the mirror and what other people see when they look at me must be completely different there have been a few instance in recent month of people tell me im decent looking or im good looking or i have a nice body and i take the compliment and try and try to see it in myself but i just can t i literally can t i don t see it i don t know where you guy are looking but i truly don t see what you see okay it s not just about my appearance i find myself annoying and awkward i try to be a happy go lucky guy most of the time usually bringing conversation and a smile and sarcasm and even some humor sometimes but behind my smile is most commonly a frown im fucking annoying my thought scream at me at how what i just said is so stupid and i need to shut the fuck up why do i talk so much why would i ask that ect i talk too much sometimes i say thing i dont even mean or agree with just to say something i never know when to talk and when not to and it frustrates me a lot im volatile and irritable and ugh i fuck up most thing i do work school relationship you know how it go the classic poor me self pity i ruin everything type shpeal something about the way i wa made is just wrong i guess that s another one of those negative thought that repeat in my head a lot born wrong today i had the pleasure of envisioning myself fist fighting myself beating my own face in felt great honestly wish i could ve made it a reality i can t find happiness in any of the thing i used to enjoy ive gradually stopped all my hobby except for the gym which is where i take my anger out usually i have a lot of that i can t even sit through a movie without thinking what is the point of me doing this what is the point life feel numb pointless i go about my societal life just like everybody else i study work play sleep rarely but it all feel the same a gray bland mesh of nothing even something like eating delicious food i just don t get enjoyment anymore the best way i can explain how i feel is if im with people and someone make a joke that people laugh at of course i laugh but if nobody else laughed i would never know when to laugh honest opinion of myself i fucking suck im lazy and i lie all the time to keep up a persona of not being a sad downer hater fuck i constantly make poor decision and can t seem to learn from previous one im ugly the only thing im good at are mansplaining and making a fool of myself i say dumb shit and get shit on for it what kind of asshole ha the privilege and opportunity that i have and is still sad and lazy like this im the type of person that wa actually just wired wrong in the head and the fact that i try and try to be appreciative of my life and still can t disgust me to be honest i don t even know who i am a few month ago someone asked me what my hidden talent is i replied nothing i don t have one i really don t have a talent or something im good at and seeing people around me do amazing thing and then watching myself dig deeper and deeper into this rut really hurt i do not feel like this id say about 0 of the time i forget about all my stress and worry and appearance and fuck ups and im actually happy then when the happy go away i realize that whatever made me happy is so very temporary and it all come flooding back im just running around my mess of a life chasing those euphoric mindless high and happiness that seem to get weaker and shorter each time i find them the question i find myself asking often is why why am i doing this why do i feel this way why did i say that why did i do that why am i a certain way yadda yadda i am a realist i also truly believe there is no point to this life why do we all live such stressful unrewarding life putting all our effort in just to die and be forgotten forever i read comment on post like these saying that life is beautiful meet everyone you can experience nature get help it get better it can get better but the thing is no it can t everyone s situation is different i guess but where im at and what im doing nothing gon na change im not going anywhere even if i wa it wouldn t matter societal standing and fancy job position mean nothing human are not made equal everyone is different special in their own way therefore some people are biologically and factually better than others whether it s stronger larger smarter faster people are different and some trait are preferable i just happened to get stuck with the trait that make me fucking suck at life no amount of meditation or antidepressant fuck big pharm is going to change who i am people don t change painting a leopard red doesn t remove his spot it just hide them temporarily well it s and im going to the gym at and then lecture after that so i guess i should sleep a few hour so my motor function stay working so i can keep going on in this endless cycle of pointless effort thanks for hearing my ted talk wish me luck on my chemistry exam good night all lt,1
i m only and already have so many physical and mental health issue ptsd ocd autism adhd depression anxiety visual snow obesity fibromyalgia gender dysphoria im trans chronic fatigue binge eating disorder it s all so much not only all this but recently i ve been dealing with more health problem my heart been racing even when i m just laying down and it make me feel like i can t get enough breath in like i m constantly breathing but not fully or something i also have been having horrible cramp like pain and after getting a ultrasound apparently i have a bunch of cyst on my ovary but this apparently isn t the cause of my pain and that terrifies me they think it might be the testosterone and i m scared i ll have to stop taking it and they re not even sure that s what s causing the pain i ve been trying to cope by hanging out with friend and my boyfriend online and other stuff like that but it can t distract me enough from the physical issue so i ve been using weed and alcohol but i know i can t keep using these to cope forever i know it s likely i ll become an alcoholic and part of me doesn t even care a long a it distracts me from the pain enough i m trying to apply for government assistance for disability but it s a lot of work and i feel like it s pointless and they ll just reject me again i ve been in therapy for year take med and go to doctor a lot im still this way no matter how much help i get i m so tired i m so tired of the constant issue i cant keep doing this how long do i have to keep going thru this it feel like it ll never get better idk how much longer i can keep going when i have to deal with all of this it s so much,1
it s been five year and a couple day now since my first major attempt i m not too sure how i feel to be honest ha life improved well not really of course after that first attempt i tried a couple more time i think if we look at the net value i m relatively in the same spot a i wa five year ago vibing on the bridge thankfully i m not too upset about that i think sadness and my inability to get out of said sadness is something that i will have to live with i m getting better at fighting it that s for sure are some day tiring and fucking unbearable of course but now i m just content with existing sad day are hard some day are easy i think i m just shocked that i m still alive well i definitely know that younger me would be shocked i m still kicking around maybe he d be happy that i stayed for this long there really isn t any point to this post just a bit of selfish self congratulation and the ability to say i m still alive guy i hope everyone ha a good day it s raining where i am but it s really nice to look at,1
i don t really know how reddit work but i just came here to get something off my chest i m a 0yo female who deal with major depression i ve always felt like i have no purpose in this world and that i am a complete waste of a human being i don t even know who i am anymore whenever people are like so tell me about yourself i break down because i honestly have nothing to say about myself i want to kill myself so bad but i don t have the tool to do it so i just live in pain and exhaustion i have no friend or family to talk about what i go through and that hurt medicine doe not help and therapist ive talked to were a joke i have done thing to make me feel better about myself but i always get knocked down but i can honestly say that the day i die i ll finally be happy and at peace,1
im waking up and have some weird thought i think one of them is that i think im unattractiv because im not that heigh with cm i think im way to small and thats the reason im unattractiv to woman i also dont get enough attention from my parent i feel so hollow because i think i deserve to be ignored i think that im seeking to much attention and thats not healthy but i want my father punish me if i show my feeling and my problem with and what is with me he denied everything i need and thats left me with im a burden for him thats my fault that i exist in this world i love to be connected with other people but this feeling from the past come back and say to me u dont deserve this attention other people ha way le that attention like you so be happy what you have but im not happy thats weird and i cant right now figure out where i have to put this thought i wish i had more atttention from my parent i want to show them what i like and i wish they would be interessted in what i do i have this frustration inside me and i hold this to much back i want to say myself im good enough constantly to push myself to the limit is exhausting and to please other people this suck,1
a year ago today i moved to a new city the city of opportunity growth and everything nice but i also learned this is the city of demise since i ve moved here itit s been hard to adapt to the culture the environment and pretty much anything else the store were different everyone talked differently people dressed differently and everyone had money so i thought i realized that my salary wa not enough to fund the normal lifestyle that i managed to survive off for year post undergrad in my home town and a new lifestyle i wa living paycheck to paycheck borrowing money getting loan and using credit to make end meet this made me depressed because it wa at the pandemic s peak and i spent 90 of my time inside with my thought i became more and more depressed and didn t know what to do i had suicidal thought but i tried to push through here s where thing take a turn i got a gig i earned more from my gig than my take home pay so my life wa sweet i wasn t depressed this lasted for six month then my health took a turn i couldn t keep up with life anymore i wa physically ill and had to let the gig go now i m here no gig and leaving the full time job so now i m in a new city no income following for a few week and ready to end it all i ve always thought money doesn t buy you happiness though they re right my journey prof that money can contribute to happiness doe money make you happy,1
hell i can t pull myself out of this i d rather just cease existing i don t deserve happiness i don t deserve comfort i don t deserve to live the only thing i actually deserve is death,1
i feel like i ll never get a girlfriend i m i also have a genetics disorder i feel like no woman will ever want me because of it i don t think you can tell i have it but i feel once i tell them that they won t want me i ve been feeling really depressed about it and i m scared to talk to woman so that doesn t help,1
i feel like my whole life wa a joke i have problem with concentration due to depression and my mom start rumor that i am dumb cause i watch porn,1
you know that feeling when the day and night drag on the tear stream down your cheek your vision start to tunnel the feeling of being lost with no where to go the movie staring yourself is playing and all you can do is sit back and watch a the world start to slip away from you slowly the first time i tried taking my life wa year old i wa physically and mentally abused from the moment i wa born and still mentally abused to this day this time it me abusing myself i got so used to being alone and not wanted so what s the point in trying anymore 0 0 wa a bad year for everyone but that is the time where i started losing a grip on my life for the last time my world started spirlling out of control what did i do i woke up at 0am walked into the kitchen grabbed a knife and drug of deep across my throat i walked into the bedroom where my wife wa sleeping she woke up to the sound of gargling only you find me trying to hold my throat shut she immediately called 9 and just looked at me in aw with a single tear falling down my cheek all she could do is watch a her husband is slowly dying right in front of her when i woke up day later in the hospital she wa no where to be found this is when my world came crashing down over me hearing those word whisper out of her mouth i want a divorce that wa the day i died inside i lost my soul mate my best friend my wife and the mother of my child i lost everything that day family friend my daughter my house my truck and my heart every day i fall asleep cry begging to take me back in time but in reality i know i can t so what is there left to do you ask die life for me ha ended i have nothing more left in me anymore i have been suffering from depression for a very long time i m exhausted i m tired i m alone i m lost all i want is to end this story of my life called misery i want to leave this world so i don t have to disappoint anyone ever again i am broken i can t do it anymore everyone say life is precious well to me life is a waste of time i have nothing more to give i have nothing more to learn i have nothing i am depressed i am hurt i am sitting in the theater watching a my screen start to fade to black this is it i tell myself i am no longer going to sit here and put a fake smile on my face for everyone else i am done helping out others with there problem why doesn t anyone ask me how i am doing probably because i would lie i am going to die i am ready i hope and pray the my daughter and my ex wife can forgive me i will always love them until the end of time with that being said i am signing off i have nothing left in the tank goodbye cruel cruel world until we meet again daddy will always be looking over you guiding you in a direction i never wa pushed towards i may not have any friend but i will be leaving a mark on legacy my job here is done good bye signing off,1
i need help but every time i reach out for help it dose not work out i m tired of feeling sad and bad about my self no one care abt how i feel no one want to know how i feel i m ready for my name to be on back of my team mate helmet on saturday when we take the field even with that no one will pay attention all 0k plus s that s full up the stadium when we play this is my cry for help,1
i am year old junior in college i have multiple problem that i need to address to start i have gotten carried away with smoking weed i have been using it almost everyday since i wa and i can no longer control it im always buying it when i can t always afford it i spend a good amount of my time at home smoking weed or using thc product i have also been drinking a lot more than i used to and i have even picked up a nicotine habit from my friend i am not doing a well in school a i should be and i really need to be more proactive and motivated but i feel no motivation some day to even do anything school related i havent been eating well a lot of day been eating a lot of fast food and skipping meal some day there are night where i barely get enough sleep because i end up staying up most of the night being on my phone watching tv or playing video game i have set goal for myself that i want to workout more build myself up and eat better but i never stick to them i feel very anxious and depressed a lot of the time with the only relief i have felt come from hanging out and talking with friend i have some really great friend that i am very close with and a wonderful family that would do anything for me but i can t help but feel alone i feel a great need for companionship and i have been trying to get into a relationship for a long time going from one person to the next but nothing ever becoming of it and we become stranger again it ha taken away a lot of my energy and exhausted my motivation and drive me further into my loneliness and add to my anxiety i have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past several month talking and going out with multiple girl not at the same time and it ending the same i just feel a void in my life some day and lately i have been spending a lot of time around friend to try and fill that void more than i usually do which could also contribute to me spending le time on school and a lot of other important thing i have barely been home in the past week because i wa with friend i feel completely empty and hopeless somedays and feel like my life is over i see others living their best life exciting thing happening having opportunity connection with others is just natural to them and just having a great time with life and then there s me who wish i could be that way but i know i am different than them and no one will ever see me like that i will always be by myself wherever i go and i used to be such a happy child excited for life not afraid to dream big and wonder about the future and just live in the moment but thing happened that turned me into what i am today i feel like a shell of who i could have been and that my younger self would be dissapointed in me i wish i could go back to when i wa about and not taken it for granted and go through life again with what i know now some day i really do not like the person i am turning into i do not thing that i am doing what s best for myself mentally physically and emotionally i feel like i m on a treadmill walking through life but not actually getting anywhere while watching everyone else pas me by i really need to break out of this mindset and change my life around if i am going to survive in this world and live the good and happy life that i always wanted and not a wasted life,1
doe depression destroy your brain cell like literally i feel like i can t connect with anyone and i think in certain situation,1
i never really experience sadness when depressed it other thought,1
been a long course she got sick over a decade ago and wa showing sign before 0 when i wa little idk why but i thought it wa my sole responsibility to protect her from harm my folk didn t get on well but there wasn t any violence between them but we the sole make son i had seen controlled violence against me trust me it wa hershey s kiss compared to what my old man got but i suppose it set that fear well now after a damn near decade of helplessness not being able to accomplish the purpose i gave myself i m not sure what to do with myself i ve been a bad son i ve been a bad brother i ve been a damn good uncle and that where i try to make up but every aspect of my being is tied up in his maladaptive relationship not the abject relationship with my mother but the consequence of her getting sick and the turmoil it caused the family never the le to myself a i watched the only person i trusted fade away idk i don t know if i could have done more i wa 9 when she got diagnosed and i just pushed it away externally but internally i bought a camera talked with her into the deep of the night but i couldn t help it wa what it wa i couldn t make right and when it all went to hell i went to hell and couldn t handle it tried to od twice after i knew the thing wa up and she wa no longer there there were glimmer but they were prob more in my mind than in truth well that sucked it wa awful i d imagine what we should know about this illness is it literally contorts the mind to it s own end deep depression take away your soul and breath it s true hell but thank god i wa lucky icu wasn t bad cause i don t remember trying to gain my muscle mass back after my kidney went all to shit sucked straight up took another year of therapy and just reintegrating with life to resemble stable and after that i had the pure delight of the best year since i wa a kid depression never go away but when life shine it shine it so damn hard to see that a a possibility when you are in the void but i swear to what ever god it doe exist it s a hard road but no harder of a road than you have seen before when you are in the void it is living a a shadow inside of a shadow it s being a observer and not a participant and seeing life for it brutal nature without being able to taste it fruit is utterly awful but for those who can t smell the fruit it s there i swear on my life my utterly maladjusted fucked up terribly prob gon na die of some impact of my attempted od s dipshit life that fruit is worth it i m at the end of an era and i m frankly worried i m gon na relapse i in fact know i will and i m going to want to die again after the sum of all my fear a a child being realized i can t imagine any different but i know know better i m setting up appointment with folk once i bury my mom i pretty sure in some sense i will die but i know it s worth the fight to not truly die it would be a waste my small dumbass experience a a kid when my folk were healthy basically said this kid need therapy,1
hey guy something that ha really helped me in my mental health journey is to find friend to connect with if anyone want to talk so that we can check in with each other and just have an online buddy let me know it s really great to talk to someone we re in this together,1
no clue where to put this so it s going here a while back i wa asked what caused you to start drinking so heavily my default respond to that ha always been it s just how i am which for the most part is correct deep down i think i always knew the real answer now i am finally realizing it s truth it s love a little more context i have been sober for over year now and to be honest recently it ha really been tested and i ve come closer than i ever have to relapsing it is worth mentioning i m not the type of person to actively seek a romantic relationship i have had a few very brief fling over the year but nothing i would consider serious and for the most part i have been okay with it but now i have actually caught real feeling for someone and i am falling hard so hard it s really scaring me it s causing me to want to hide from the feeling a i used too by drinking after year of counseling i wa given better tool to help process certain feeling that could lead to me drinking which i do believe they have helped me recently because i actually did something i didn t think i wa capable of i told her how i felt too my surprise she actually didn t tell me no but she didn t exactly say yes either which is why i am feeling the way i am now i believe now i feel like i m on a rollercoaster of high and low i see her and talk to her daily a we do work together however some day she seems so distant and shut off others it seems to me she s overly flirty we have gone out once it didn t really go a planned but it wa still nice now to the stuff that is really eating at me she had just gotten out of a relationship a while back i know it didn t end well and when i told her how i felt she said she still wa trying to get over her ex and she wa confused which is understandable and i want to give her time and space but at the same time i don t want to miss my chance especially because i have not felt this way about anyone for over 0 year to make thing worse her ex is also a coworker in our department and i have seen them leaving together after work multiple time a week which to be fair is really her business but if she really would rather be with him why don t she tell me that s what s killing me i feel like she is using me a a fallback or a second choice i really hope it s not the case i do not think i could handle it i just wish i knew for sure how she felt i can handle being rejected it the limbo i feel like i m in i can t handle and honestly i don t know what to do about it i m so scared i m going to slip one day and have a drink if that happens i know i won t recover from it and i ll loose everything i worked so hard to achieve there s more detail if anyone ha any question if anyone can tell me what i should do please feel free anything is better than how i feel now,1
i have been on prozac wellbutrin for a few month and other depression medication for over a year now i wa told from the beginning i need to go to therapy but wa just too exhausted to pick up the phone and try to find one i ve slowly started getting my energy and motivation back and gave my first session scheduled this month i want to hear other people s experience did you start with medication or therapy first i have heard people say start with therapy but in my case i would have never even made an appointment without the medicine to pull me out of my depression i m hoping therapy help me with coping mechanism and help me get back on track after being depressed for so many year,1
my depression is taking a turn for the worst the thought about offing myself are starting to become more frequent again there s barely anything going on in my life yet my anxiety feel so overwhelming that one would think i live a busy life i feel so hollow all the time and i don t like it it s starting to get to the point where i can t even do anything because my depressive thought just intrude on every part of my day that it s preventing me to actually be productive i have essay to write for my uni class but all i do is stare at my laptop because i can t even cry i attend my lecture and join class discussion because everyone say that engaging in those thing will increase the likelihood i ll pas but i barely remember what s going on at all or what i m saying how do i function to live at least until the semester is over,1
im a year old college student who is supposed to graduate this may the only problem being i havent been able to get out if bed to go to class in a month i have lost nearly all of my motivation and feel trapped by my mind the only time i leave my house is to go to work because i need the money or go to the gym because it is one of the only thing that make me feel alive happy anymore ive reached out to professor and advisor telling them i just need help but they have been essentially useless instead of being pointed towards cap ive just been told to give up and widthdraw from my class and it taking an even larger toll on me i just need a break from everything and everyone,1
so this is going to sound stupid so im sorry if it is but im honestly not sure if im actually depressed ive had thought about commiting for about three year but it not thought like oh i need to die it more like im not going to accomplish anything in life so why bother going through any more pain little bit of background one of my friend killed himself freshman year and now im going to be graduating with out him most people at my school view me a that one immature kid due to the fact that thats just my sense of humor ive been bullied for the way i act and my height since th grade im taller now but it still hurt and my mother left me at year old on my father doorstep and she show up every once in a while looking worse and worse every time telling me how she miss me and my brother and sister are missing me i later on learned that she left because the cop were coming for her and she ran all the way to florida to get away were in maine also my stepmother ha issue do to her father being messed up and she tends to take out her anger on those arounder so she wont snap at work there a fight roughly once a week and about a week ago durring one of those fight my father yelled at her saying that it my mother fault im like this because she would take pill when she wa pregnant with me and also smoke amp x 00b sorry if this turned into something else and got of topic i just need some advise is all if thats okay,1
i hate what happened i thought i could be happy even just for a moment it make everything else so much worse and it couldn t have happened at a worse time,1
i am feeling worried for myself it almost a m and i can t sleep im not sure if it just because i can t sleep or if it my inner fight between staying alive or ending it these thought never go away it suck when people don t understand my sudden mood change or decision but i understand why they don t im just saying what i am feeling or thinking my heart always feel so heavy a if i put weight on it i feel like cry all the time everything in life is so boring or doesn t feel right i often get confused on what is real and what isn t real i don t have a therapist anymore because money is tight so im using this reddit post a a venting place because no one know me here and it s nice,1
i give up i won t ever get better my life will be the same for the rest of my life my youth is already wasted i m rotten inside the pill on my desk are a constant reminder but also a comforting way out anytime i would want to the light from my window is a reminder of how the world will go on and forget about me i like that thought i used to feel ashamed for always feeling ignored and not seen but now it s all i want please hate me it will be so much easier please forget about me please don t think about me you deserve better fuck you screw you don t make a face like that you ll get wrinkle you re crazy you re stupid you don t know anything why are you like this why are you laying on your bed all day why did you ignore all the sign mom i m hurt and i want to die why did you forget about the time i told you i tried to kill myself why did you say ew at the time why did you tell me to never do it again why did you tell me we re just gon na have to make it on our own i wanted help i m hurt i m angry and frustrated it s too late for me to get better i want to disappear,1
so i m nearly and since about age i ve struggled 90 of the time with everything feel lost with my life and job don t have the drive to want or even put in effort into finding a girlfriend in a job i don t really want a future in but have no interest or enthusiasm about anything i am just plodding along and it s so so shit have friend that are starting to establish themselves and live quite happily and progress in themselves so all i do is compare and procrastinate don t like spending money have about 0k saved up and a car worth about k which in the grand scheme of thing is nothing so i just see myself living this shit average little life with no actual purpose and that i m running out of time but don t seem to do anything about it the laziness is mental laziness not physical fail to see any improvement or have any positive outlook because all i think about 00 of the time is what s wrong in my life my whole perception of everything is bad and all in my head can t shift it because it feel so natural now brain fog for about year shit memory no focus can t think straight or rationally don t know if i m too hard on myself or expect too much or if i know i can be doing better i just don t even know is how i d sum up my feeling,1
so i recently wa put up for a promotion at work to a position that would allow me to work le hour le day and make more money while also furthering my future i have never been happier until recently i m in the final stage of the process to get hired but i m still currently in my previous position we have a rule at work you can be late once per 0 day if you go over that you get written up and put on a disciplinary level which wouldnt be so terrible if one of the stipulation of being put on a disciplinary level is being unable to transfer position for a year so on sunday morning i wake up and start making breakfast what i do every morning on my day off i ve been off every other weekend for the past year so i go into autopilot and sit at the table look at the clock and think i d be at work right now so am roll past and while i m wating i see my phone buzz so i pick it up and look at the screen and see the word that make my heart climb into my throat every time bos where are you you were scheduled for i scramble upstairs so fast i knocked over the table and chair and took some picture frame off the wall of the stair but i get to work and think it s fine it okay i just cant be late for 0 day easy enough day later it s an unbelievably slow day so we all order sushi and i drew the short straw to pick it up take me minute to get there pick up the food and start heading back so i m at a stop light about minute from my job when i see a car blast through the light and tbone a truck causing a huge accident and blocking my path back to my job i feel my heart sink and my ear ring the closest way back is an extra 0 minute at least this asshole running a red light may cost me my job i m not proud of it but i sped the entire way there to get back to the hospital i sprint out of my car leaving the food i get inside and dive to the time clock and swipe my card time punched 0 late at this point i just stand there for a second unsure of what to do do i tell my bos do i try to fix it do i lie i finally decide to text my bos and explain the whole scenario in detail expecting to get back a next step a scolding reassurance or anything instead i get back one word ok ok what doe that even mean i want to press it further but i m so scared of fucking up even more i ve taken on extra responsibility this week and picked up hour of overtime over the next week a a subtle way of saying please dear god dont put me on a level i need this promotion this all happened day ago and i m living in panic every one of these day since that i m going to get the hey can you meet me in my office now call thatll signal the end of my dream to progress i m not sure what to do at this point but i just had to get this out tl dr asshole running a stop sign and causing an accident could cost me my dream job,1
currently facing lot of family problem my mental health is really suffering i dont know what to do i am in high school i dont think i am able to study more because of my family s financial problem also i dont have any true friend so i did not share my feeling and situation to anyone please help anyone,1
recently i just keeping feeling the void in my body and mind it s burning myself slowly i no longer have desire to anything or anyone like life itself ha lost it meaning to me i m angry a well been trying really hard to hide my emotion so i can continue my daily life a a person i m not cry for help but my situation is worse than i described i m thinking of ending thing hope that can make ppl happy thanks for reading my petty litter word have a good day folk,1
hi there i ve spent the past couple of month dealing w anxiety depression and depersonalization and trying changing medication i am on a part time work plan where i work remotely in the afternoon even though i go to bed at a very decent hour i find it so difficult to get up in the morning i will make plan to get up before 9 and get thing accomplished make an appointment etc and despite all this i just turn my alarm off and sleep until noon when i have to log on for work i just dont want to be awake i need to get back to work soon and will be getting up at my old time of 0 am every day but i have no idea how ill do it thing like that used to be so normal before but now i barely want to be awake or leave the house doe anyone else struggle with this are there any tip you recommend to try to get your day started without dread,1
hi all i ve recently gotten out of a pretty long depressive episode i ve cleaned my room and done my laundry my biggest issue is now the dish i ve acquired quite a few dish in my room and today a few of my roommate noticed that some thing have been gone a while how do i put them back without them really noticing that it s back all at once and saving me from their anger and even more embarrassment,1
i dont know what to do,1
i m slipping into a deep deep depression divorce failed business losing my home many regret etc etc i need a direction in my life i can focus and work hard on but i don t even know where to begin i need someone to help me a there s no way i can do it myself i have adhd so my mind go in a million direction all the time is a good life coach what i need,1
i try and try but i just can t do it,1
i am in my office s toilet for about an hour now and i can not stop cry i wa having a good day for a change after a really long time in a while but one bad moment wa enough to push me into this mess i have been trying to make myself stop from cry because i need to go back to my desk but these stupid tear won t stop and my eye look bloodshot right now and i forgot my eye drop in my purse life suck,1
i have this tendency to abandon pretty much everything when something or someone becomes somewhat of a challenge i just leave them i have ghosted girlfriend i have completely disregarded good friend just because they invited me to do something i did t want to do i have abandoned friend who had lent me a hand i have abandoned work just because i didn t feel capable i make stupidi excuse and then run away yesterday i stood up from my new job and left made a bogus excuse v a text and quit via email the job had a lot of potential but it wa too stressful for me i have just noticed this is a pattern in how i cope with thing every time i feel trapped i just want to bust out i have a deep rooted belief that i need to be in control of my time and my space and when something or someone interferes with that i should be entitled to claim my supposed freedom i don t know how to deal with this i just noticed this pattern and i can see how it affect my life p english is not my first language typing on phone,1
i m on mobile so please excuse me i m also a first time poster on here female i quit a job i had for year last year in may of 0 i wa really good at that job one of the top people even if it wa just a warehouse job i wa a trainer i knew how to do everything and a lot wa expected of me everyday my bos wa incredibly verbally abusive to everyone i didn t realize it for a few year but my last two year being there she wa talking bad about everybody behind their back and just being a horrible human i finally quit one day when i got a different job with an old coworker i wa working that job for about month before i started to struggle going at first it wa because i felt inadequate and tired all the time i have a problem with being new at thing it progressed to a new coworker there wa starting to push my boundary a little bit older man telling me what to do and making me feel dumb which i know is my own issue i realize this whole post is my own issue but anyway i ended up leaving that job because every time i wa there i wa going to the bathroom to cry at least once and i couldn t make myself do it anymore and between that place and the job i m at now i had three other job one wa amazon delivery the other wa a daycare and the one before that wa just instacart i couldn t make enough money on instacart to even be a part time job it wa also putting stress on my car but i loved being able to work for myself basically and create my own hour i hated how the kid at daycare were treated and it disgusted me to the point i couldn t work there anymore and amazon hour were terrible and i wasn t getting home until 9 00 p m which doe not work for my year old son i finally got this job in january of this year and so far it ha been pretty good but i ve noticed that i m struggling to go a full 0 hour pay period in the past month i ve missed seven day which is a lot i suppose i just wake up in the morning and struggle to go and a voice in my head tell me that i don t need to and everything will be okay even if i decide not to go a long a the excuse i have is good enough and then i get so anxious about going back that i decide to stay home the next day and the day after that i m currently on my third day of being at home and even though i have a good excuse i m sure they don t believe me a little bit i don t know what s wrong with me i ve always been a hard worker and up until my breaking point last year i didn t know what this wa i still don t know what it is that i m feeling i m not feeling entitlement or anything like that i just feel empty and numb and what s the point of going i have to have a verbal argument with myself let me say that again with myself i literally have to talk out loud to myself and argue that i have a house payment i have bill i have a kid who also ha bill what is wrong with me my family on both side ha history of depression and i have unprofessionally diagnosed adhd my mom ha anxiety disorder last year when i quit my job i left because of the work environment and how bad it wa and now my new job it s more laid back but it s the same kind of job nd i m constantly worried i m being talked about and that i m not good enough to be there my anxiety from the other job is transferring here for no reason everyone is incredibly nice i m also struggling internally because i really want to go to college and get a better kind of job but i don t know what i want to do yet i m feeling overwhelmed by it because i m a single mom and i don t know how i m going to be able to go to school and work at the same time so i guess for the past couple month i ve also felt pretty trapped feeling like i ll never work for myself and i ll never get a good job because i can t figure my life out but ha anyone experienced this kind of feeling at my age i don t know if it s burnout or if it s related to my cptsd that i have from a physically abusive relationship from year ago i ve tried looking it up on google i ve tried listening to meditational motivation stuff and anyone give me help in the form of advice i don t want to be like this forever i know it s understandable to not want to work but i should be at work literally right now and instead i m in bed speak texting this because i know something s wrong with me i can t afford to do anything therapy right now so just any insight or story from when you were my age and you broke a little bit i m just scared and tired and i want to kick myself in the as but i don t know how and i don t have the energy too i really don t need to hear anything negative about me because i can tell you i m already thinking it i just feel like a waste of space who can t get her s together that my son deserves a better parent than me,1
this suck because im so appreciative about what i have esspecially after what ive gone through i feel so stupid complaining about anything now honestly because at the back of my mind im like i made it in a way but im more alone then ever and i dont know what to do honestly,1
nowadays i find that thing simply don t make me very happy like video game reading watching tv i have felt pretty neutral over the past couple of month but god i feel so stupid saying that the only thing that make my day feel like it ha meaning is my shit supermarket job where i rearrange product and basically ruin the day of whoever work in that aisle i just like being told to do something and getting away from my not so nice home life i m exhausted during every shift and have passed out twice at work before but it the only thing that make my life feel like it ha any point i feel like i want to take more hour so i can avoid this constant boredom but my job also make me feel so anxious and exhausted i don t know what to do it sound so pathetic and stupid,1
i ve so many health issue and i m only starting with atopic and seborrhoeic dermatitis and psoriasis through endometriosis and hypothyroidism to ibs fucked up hip and pelvic floor and that s not even all and obviously only phisical thing that are wrong and i really try to take care of all of this problem but it s exhausting and for what to live in a world where everything is getting more and more fucked up every minute the pandemic the war the famine that s probably gon na come soon a a result of the war i m polish so very much can feel the effect of what s happening in ukraine i m also vegan and knowing that so many animal are still suffering and the price of everything are going up i don t even think i can afford to live anymore and i m really trying going on a walk in the forest everyday doing yoga eating healthy just generally taking care of myself like a normal person would but i just can t see the light at the end of the tunnel rant over,1
i m not the same person and i didn t like the person i wa before that so it s not even considered a loss but now i just stopped caring i genuinely stopped caring and it make me want to hate myself but the thing is im too exhausted to even hate myself i just feel like nothing just an empty space where a human used to be i ve stopped caring and it scare me i know the final step is when you stop caring and im at this step i don t care to pursue my passion or talent because whats the point why live a live when i will be forgotten why wa i even made like why even bother trying what even is the point in living if i can t be bothered to try,1
kk i know it sound weird and i can t quite explain it myself so i wa hanging out with a few friend yes i m surprised i have friend too and anyway they invited one of their friend who i didn t know so i started hanging out with this friend of theirs and i wa genuinely happy while hanging out with her i can t really describe it a anything other than i liked her i would ve tried something but i started thinking about how much of a shitty useless person i am even if i tried anything there s no chance that she d even want anything to do with me fuck i just needed to get that bullshit off my chest sorry for wasting your time people,1
it never actually get better it seems like it is but it s not it s just a lull until it come back again even stronger i m done i m obviously not worth keeping around and deserve to be buried and forgotten who tf am i to want anything fucking idiot,1
i genuinely wish i could say fuck this i m out there s so many responsibility and yet so little life in me to carry all those thing i just hurt someone i love accidentally of course because i wa trying to hurt my self and that s so fucking depressing and embarrassing for god sake i m almost and still acting like a bratty teenager my body hurt my heart hurt can someone please just kill me already,1
a little about me first i have always been the type of person to see thing only black and white i live my life through fact and being direct im very detailed and observant i observe people behavior and see who they really are are they genuine fake im also the type of person who analyzes everything could be over thinking i analyze every conversation every behavior every tone and i start to over think doe this person hate me did i say the wrong thing i dont think i can change the way i am by not caring because i had a lot of pressure of being perfect or good enough growing up i define myself a a perfectionist and a people pleaser i hate who i am and i push so many people away in my life because i dont feel like anyone actually care about me i feel alone and im sad i started a program at school that is very competitive to get in i wa hoping to make friend there since we all worked so hard to get in it been about a year and i dont see any of them outside of school no one text me outside of school and during school no one talk about anything other than school it like no one actually care what i did over the weekend or how my life is i would put myself out there and be interested in others life and even invite them to do stuff but i always get turned down every time i get turned down it just another step deeper into depression i just hate the person i am and i feel like i dont belong in anyones life,1
before i start talking i want to apologise for my english skill since it s not my mother tongue i just need to vent somewhere but i am also asking for help but most importantly i need someone to listen to me right now i have no idea on what to do i am a year old student who go to an art school staying in a boarding school under the week i have good parent and i love them and they love me but have little understanding that depression is actually an illness due to my depression i am very limited in talking about my feeling since it exhausting and i do not know how to express myself so when i m usually confronted my them i say i dont know an they ve grown tired of it i have been feeling more depressed but also suicidal starting to plan my suicide i wanted to take my life in late april probably by hanging myself i dont exaclty want to die but i just couldnt see any way of me feeling better but i want to feel better i dont want to take my own life i have a lot ahead of me a dear friend of mine and i talked to one of the worker in my boarding school and i told them everything since i wa afraid of taking my own life but i didnt talk to my parent since on my side it very difficult to explain this my mum is one of the few people that got damaged by the covid vaccine the doctor didnt take her serious and she suffered so much the past few month breaking down and falling down the stair one time my dad is a very busy man and i feel like he is just i dont know how to explain but emotionally not there often i know this is just my point of view and doe not reflect reality but i basically feel like this towards my parent the worker in my boarding school made up option stay in boarding school and looking for a therapist tomorrow calling my parent to take me home and to go to the mental hospital immediately i just didnt know what to do so the worker had to call my parent they chose to take me home even tho the worker said that my father sounded on the phone like he wa understanding the reality looked different my parent where of course overwhelmed and angry i tried my best explaining everything for example my mother said i didnt even try to get a new therapist but i did my best when we got home it got worse my father asked stuff like how i wanted to take my own life i didnt want to tell him later my mum came downstairs and we all talked well not really they were overwhelmed and seemed angry tho they said they werent my parent screamed at me saying i didnt try to reach out to them questioning why i didnt talk to them but they said that they cant tell me reality or else i d start panicking an cry they told me that i cant accept the truth and i m panicking because of this that i m acting up cause i wa cry like a madman i felt like my world wa shattering they screamed at me that i wasnt trying my best and that i didnt even try i tried to explain to them that i wa scared to tell them and stuff i tried my best but i dont think they really understood they want me to go a mental hospital but i know this would make thing worse for me i neez my friend in boarding school but i know that this cant keep going on i know that school itself make me feel bad but i have all my friend there that help me so much but they said that it s too late for me and i should have made the decision earlier i m just totally i dont know i cant stop cry i wa speechless to how they screamed at me breaking down in front of them and i dont know what to do or how i should handle the situation we wanted to go to my old therapist who isnt really good but we cant reach him i don t know what to do i am home right now but i wan na go back to my friend i really need them right now but if course i cant my mum is still saying how she cant keep up with me and shes overwhelmed with me can someone help me please or at least can i have some comforting word im very sorry to anyone who ha to read this but thank you for listening have a good day or night,1
first off i have very little experience in dealing with anyone with depression i freely admit that over the past couple of month i have been chatting with and hanging out with this amazing woman i met on a dating app she ha severe anxiety ppd postnatal depression suicidal thought etc we d hit thing off pretty well just from chatting over the app from what i thought there were a couple of time where she d wanted to end her life so she tell me but she managed to get past that the first time i met her in person wa amazing i had never ever felt so at ease taking with a woman before it went really well at that point i knew this chick wa worth the time we just clicked that well instantly since then we ve done a couple of day trip place and that went very well also one of those time wa with her young child le then yo she doesn t have a lot of time for herself and find it hard to get a decent night sleep partly to do with the young one waking in the middle of the night lately she s had a couple of very low moment her home life isn t the best still living at home because finically she can not afford to leave she get abuse from her mother constantly and also seems to live in fear especially when her child is being loud it could wake her mother a of last week she admitted that she really liked me i have been clear all along that i really like her just so she s not thinking that she s in limbo i live over an hour away from her but i do travel up to her home town for work at least twice a week sometimes le sometimes more there s some weird thing where she doesn t want her mum knowing about me so consequently i cant see her that much unless mum is not home which really suck i find it hard to deal with when it feel like she s giving me the cold shoulder i know it s the depression that s doing it not her true feeling one of her red flag about dating me is that i don t know understand her mental health however the way i see it is if you don t tell me then i can t understand but apparently that wa not the way to approach that one i d love for nothing more then to give her a big hug that in the hope that it might make her feel a little better about thing but unfortunately i don t get the opportunity she know that i will come up any time i don t mind driving at all so i don t let that be a barrier plus i can afford to do so i m scared to loose her because i really want her and i to work at time i want to just say stuff it and walk away but i know that s not what i want amp x 00b if anyone ha experienced the same thing or something similar your advice is much appreciated,1
i think the pandemic hit me hard i moved out of my childhood home of 0 year week before the pandemic hit i had worked job and saved for year for a deposit on a place of my own which in the very expensive city i live in wa 0kms away from my family it felt like such an amazing achievement at the time but ever since then mentally i ve never been the same i am so lonely yet i enjoy living alone i am a highly anxious person i always wa but now i just worry all the time i move about life with a permanent storm cloud over my head i struggle to regulate my emotion i am getting more and more overweight and can not seem to stop eating bad food i quit my job in 0 and got a new one but i have never quite been happy or settled there i have tried mindfulness regular exercise breathing technique everything you can think of i went to the doctor for help with regulating my low mood and she put me on the pill which ha made thing even worse i am feeling thing lower than ever before i had a really bad day at work today and for the first time ever i thought not in any way seriously or actionable but the thought popped into my mind how suicide would be an option to not have to deal with thing everyone around me seems to be so busy with husband wife kid activity etc i seem to be getting left behind how do i cope with this how do i get back to being happy and determined and not so down and low,1
this is a really long rant but i just needed to get it out i feel like i m starting to become a better version of myself one that people like respect and want to be around and i just can t stop beating myself up for not being this version in college when i wa nearly suicidal and i lost some friend who kept abandoning me and affirming the horrible thought i wa already having last year one of my roommate lowkey bullied me and i started to believe i wa a terrible person and wa overthinking everything i ever said wrong especially when a couple other friend abandoned me at the same time over something they were upset i said which i think could have been resolved with communication but they didn t try but i talked to my other former roommate recently and she said that i wa fine that i didn t deserve any of it and she didn t know what i wa going through at the time a she said don t just turn the page close the fucking book and i started to feel like i wa getting closure about stuff so i thought i would text one of the other people who sort of broke up with me it s been a year i just apologized for how shit went down in the friend group without blaming her or anyone else and really poured my heart out about how dark my mental health wa at the time and i said she could apologize to the other girl who i believe blocked me if she wanted i know it wa a little selfish to unload like that but i made sure to say that i didn t expect anything of her and she didn t need to respond and she didn t reply but she did like my instagram post today i know they don t owe me anything and i swear i m not mad but i think part of me wa still holding on hope to some form of closure part of me hoped that they still cared that maybe they would care a little if they knew how dark it wa for me at the time i know that s selfish but damn the last few time we hung out were just me doing her favor and giving her ride before she broke up with me a a friend so to speak but no one cared a soon a i wasn t a fun friend they bounced at the first sign of conflict mental illness and again i m not mad i m not gon na harass anyone with text expectation but it really fucking suck to feel like i ve been going through this horrific and terrifying period just to discover that no one cared it wouldn t have mattered if they knew they just couldn t be bothered,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
i ve lost year of my life to the pandemic i became a slob i forgot how to care for basic hygiene and everything i own is tight and uncomfortable i have no job or any motivation to find one i waste away everyday but during all of the last two year i had supportive friend and i think i finally overdid it yesterday a friend of mine who i m closest to called me lazy she know about my depression my bad reaction to medication which made me stop taking them and how i m treated a a sub human at home and yet she called me lazy this is the first time i ve been called lazy and i m so heart broken my irl support system ha crumbled and now i have no one i can talk to about anything i hate how being burnt out is seen a laziness i m so tired,1
title say it all really bit of context i ve been depressed for the better part of year it started late into high school i ve been referred to multiple mental health service none of which have helped i wa first referred to cahms when i wa i stopped going to these session due to me not being able to open up i wa then referred to samh about a year later this wa also no help finally i wa referred to the community mental health team lanarkshire these session were in person where i spoke to a qualified mental health nurse i honestly have no fucking clue how this guy got his job he wa totally unprofessional had this patronising attitude the entire time wa rude and condescending at point and even laughed at me when i said i felt mediocre the one silver lining here wa that he had the ability to refer me onto a psychotherapist which he said that i wa on a month waiting list for i didn t continue going to these session however i assumed i d still be on the waiting list i remember my final session with him i told him i wa suicidal again cut to about month later i phone them back up to check the progress on the waiting list and when i d be seeing a psychotherapist i wa told by a receptionist that i m not on any waiting list this wa very distressing to me because it felt like i had been waiting all this time for nothing it turn out that they discharged me because i didn t continue going to the session i m at my wit end here i keep trying to get help but the nh is just straight up incompetent i wrote a letter to my gp explaining the situation and i got a phone call basically telling me there s nothing they can do and that i have to phone the community mental health team to see if i can get back on the waiting list i m so annoyed all this time spent waiting to finally get some proper help and this happens i don t know what to do please if there s anyone out there who s been through a similar experience tell me what to do,1
this thread it s i don t know what i d do without it i m rarely ever on reddit and when i am i m on it for this i m on it because i m so overwhelmed by by everything and i m too scared or ashamed or or just so fucking tired to go to family friend my fucking partner to walk them through what i m feeling and how how it s not how it s not how it is how it is there s no reason it just happens it just happens it just happens and here r depression here here i feel safe and whenever i have a breakdown i come here to rant to feel to collect my thought even if no one read even if people do it s here i go to rant anonymously often drunk on alcohol sometimes but often drunk on emotion here is where i feel safe where i can be not who i am irl but an anonymous eddingsaurus rex amp x 00b it s okay had a bad day hand are bruised from breaking rock all day amp x 00b fuck depression fuck this fuck this feeling i hate myself i hate this i hate this so much i can t and it s working hour for fuck sake it s working hour i m supposed to be prodcitive ficmk this kyuck this shit,1
been on mirtazapine for week made my depression way worse and didn t do anything for anxiety it s mostly for anxiety i havent really went into detail about depression but it s supposed to be effective for both right im gon na have to start smoking weed again will that have an effect,1
it s so strange waking up everyday with this sense that you want thing to go back to the way they were like your brain ha it own lil trumpster lying to you telling you your childhood wa better before or you were happy before you started this job etc the truth is it s always sucked though lol there are brief moment now where you feel like thing are okay but it s more of a lack of feeling i ve always thought i wa broken because this ha been my constant state since i wa so small i thought i d grow out of it or i wouldn t but life only continues to throw curveballs to others i seem high functioning though kind of emotional but i can t get myself to focus on anything i can t wake up on time for work i work in insurance sale so i hate what i do i have to pretend to care about people and their problem but it just hurt so bad all of the time i know my boyfriend doesn t understand he s in medical school and ha his own struggle but i know he feel love he tell me he doe i don t and even if i do see briefly in his eye that he doe care for me i quickly forget depression ha made me into a terrible person i should be so lucky to have someone who love me so much to have my look my wit and the opportunity i ve been afforded but i can t help but feel so completely destitute he ha helped me find some confidence in myself with pursing going back to school but i m just so tired of it the sale call the application car issue bill health stuff and every other fucking thing when will i be able to do the thing i need to do like eat meal a day have the energy to learn new thing exercise also ha anyone had any luck with any online therapy medication consultation,1
i m a yr old female and i wa diagnosed with bipolar when i wa almost been a month but i ve noticed that my anger ha totally converted into full rage when i wa just depressed a month before it s been year since my dad death but it isn t a normal death he wa murdered in cold blood because he wa running for politics i have been trying to seek help from therapist but it isn t enough for me to let go and move on my older brother and boyfriend have been trying to convince me to move on but it s not easy i don t think i can i ve been feeling very vengeful more than before about this situation but every time i let out my anger i go full rage and when that episode is over i can t help but feel hopeless and fucking worthless i cry my heart out but then i m filled with anger and rage again even conversation with my boyfriend would make me snap but instead of taking it out on him i simply tell him i need to call him back then i self destruct sometimes i feel like he doesn t really care since he sends me one worded text but it s whatever it isn t his problem don t know if i m alone in this one or if anyone feel the same a me,1
i come from a pretty african evangelical household where mental health wasn t talked about or addressed growing up in the last few year i ve noticed intense wave of sadness and internal pain turn from short stint of time to practically everyday now there will be time period of elation but for the most part my disposition ha remained sad on an almost daily basis i feel anger irritability deep sadness about the way thing haven t worked out for me in the past or currently or intense rejection from others who may not intend their action to be rejection for example the housemate i live with are a married couple who i wa in their wedding so we re all friend when i first moved in they would always have dinner with me asking me what i wanted to eat for dinner but that ha tapered off and tonight i walked in from work late and saw they had dinner together and were enjoying tv it broke me and i went to my room feeling intense inner pain this stuff is so new to me i have no clue how to continue through life because nobody know i struggle with this i don t even know where to begin to share with others or begin to understand what help i need any advice would be much appreciated,1
i don t think i m being irrational i know that nobody will ever want to be with me romantically im getting more depressed by the day and i already notice my few friend distancing themselves i can t blame them i m sure i m not fun to be around there s very few people with whom i feel like i can share how i m really feeling but doing so just push them away i need my life to be different not to be stuck in this worthless body i need optimism but there s none left in me i don t think i ll ever be able to kill myself so it s just going to be 0 0 0 maybe even 0 or 0 more year of this void maybe i ll be struck by lightning or something finger crossed,1
today i wa prescribed xanax and celexa for my depression and anxiety i have major anxiety about taking pill the side effect freak me out especially when it come to mental medication i ve took zoloft in the pas for a couple day and it freak me out with suicidal thought very angry and ticked off i m scared this might happen again i m so lost on what to do i really need the help but scared of the help,1
someone said this to me today he wasn t being serious it wa just banter his bros would probably be like yea you re right i do have great tit but it really opened up a healing wound for me being bullied growing up for my look i ve always been fat and people have used that against me for year these past few year i ve been healing feeling much better about myself and started to gain confidence i don t think i m ugly i m very much average and curve are much more appreciated nowadays but the feeling of inadequacy just never truly go away sometimes when i m really down i ll start self criticising and it ha crossed my mind that people who talk to me are just attracted to me physically i m not the most interesting person i m not funny i don t get joke sometimes and i take thing too seriously i ve been girlfriend zoned so many time it s tiring i just shut myself off from society men who were interested in me were never really interested in my hobby interest whatever they always complimented me on my look but that wa it if i ever tell them that i m not interested even if we talked every single day and were friend they d just ghost me it wa just something he said but wow wa it hurtful i cried for the first time after month of emotional numbness i cried because it wa probably true to a certain degree and i feel like shit,1
i m fucking and why the fuck do i still feel this shit fuck fuck fuxk fuxk fuck fuck this i hate this,1
i m amp i literally can t imagine a future here for myself at all i only see my depression worsening a time go on working crappy minimum wage job still all alone living alone with no one to care about me the list go on amp on i seriously feel like one day i will eventually commit suicide like it just my destiny amp i m becoming more amp more content with it a time go on i do put this down to myself just not functioning well in a capitalist society and i ve pretty much accepted i just have no place in a world like this do you guy feel like this too,1
i can t remember a time when i wasn t struggling i ve wanted to die for a long a i can remember and i m worried i m no longer afraid of death i just don t understand myself i can get up every day and do everything i need to put my retainer in and wash my face before i sleep get great grade but no one know how much my body ache and how hard i have to push myself to do all those thing i joke around my friend and plaster this fake as smile on my face around everybody but i contemplate my death every night every single night and i can never sleep before am anymore yet i wake up bright and early a if i didn t almost kill myself the night before there wa a point in my life where i didn t get out of bed for month didn t brush my teeth for week failed every class never spoke to anyone and got sickly skinny from loss of appetite it wa so awful and i never want to return to that state again that i let myself fall apart now trying to keep my composure and no one know there s not a single soul in my life who s aware though i try to talk about it without dragging everyone down with me i ve also caught myself dissociating a lot more these day can t remember shit can t feel excitement at all or any other emotion other than despair and exhaustion and the terrible brain fog i just don t know what to do anymore don t know how much longer i can keep my act up i m repulsed by the idea that i d have to do this forever don t want to talk to anyone about it either in fear that i d just be a burden friend and family call me over dramatic and don t even take it seriously because they re never there to see how bad it is and idk how to show them don t even know what the point of me posting this is i doubt anyone would even see this or waste precious time reading through this long as post,1
so i live hour away from where i wa born and raised well my very best friend twin brother oded because someone put fentanyl into his drink smoke and he wa always like a brother to me but i can t make it to his funeral i hate myself for it i want to be there for my best friend and i want to be able to say goodbye to a good friend i haven t talked to him in a long time and the way we talked to each other wa just always giving each other a hard time and now i regret it so much and just wish i would ve kept up with him and been nicer and i have to miss his funeral because i don t know how to save my fucking money amp my job ha no one to replace me while i m gone fuck i wish i wasn t like this i can t stop cry about it or the fact that i feel like i m letting down my best friend by not being there for her she say it s okay and she understands but i can t help but feel like shit,1
in 0 i found out a former friend and person i used to have sex with in 0 wa posting my naked photo to a nude sharing reddit page kik and trading them with stranger on the internet we lived in two different country when i discovered this and the only thing i could do wa call email with the police in his area and inform his girlfriend at the time the police didn t really do much but they were able to track him down and tell him by phone or in person not really sure that he should delete the image he ha of me that wa all that came of it the police couldn t really even ensure he had deleted them his girlfriend broke up with him i did speak to him and he sounded sorry to have been caught he didn t seem to feel bad at all for how he made me feel ever since i have been struggling with this i feel extremely violated and stupid especially since he could still have the photo and be trading them with other people i wa only 0 and he wa when we were sharing nude and having sex and i feel like i did something that could potentially follow me forever i wa struggling hard with mental illness at the time i also had very little sleep and a stressful schedule i feel like i went into some depressive spiral and i started doing dangerous and promiscuous thing including being with him i know it s not an excuse however most day i just try not to think about what happened but some day it come so strong and i get an intense urge to do something bad to myself i am currently married to the love of my life and he wa an amazing support when i discovered my image online in 0 i know doing something bad to myself would absolutely crush him but i feel so worthless sometimes i still feel so violated i have the guy blocked on facebook but i know who his current partner is and i occasionally type in the usernames he used to share image to make sure there havent been any post since then he still seems to have a kik username active under the same name but i have no idea if he is still using it the police told me it would be hard to prosecute for something like this so telling me that i should try to get legal help is useless i obviously can t tell most people about this only my husband know so thank you for listening it s been year now since this all happened and i still occasionally feel extremely suicidal over it i don t know what to do to stop this i struggle with depression and anxiety on top of this but i usually don t feel suicidal unless this come up thanks for listening,1
i struggle to get the thing people take for granted my whole school life ha been extremely terrible and i used to get bullied very badly back in kindergarten and some of middle school im in highschool now and i have like no friend only acquaintance i dont go to the nice place that normal people go to for example never went to a waterpark never had a night out or went to the mall with friend or classmate never went to disneyland when i wa a kid never went on a mall shopping spree i ve only ever been too the mall twice in my whole life and i didn t even see all of the mall never went to dave and buster never went to an aquarium never had a female friend 9 never even had a casual conversation with a girl 0 no gift for christmas no gift for my birthday no friend no one to talk to and a million more thing that are normal for childhood i didn t experience that my childhood i dont even want to start on that i used to live in poverty in a room tiny house with a cracked wall and insect because my dad left u my dad left the house when i wa some month old and he took the car and drove slut in it regardless i wanted to speak to him i still visited him and forgave him but then he asked if i wanted to live with him in a bigger nicer country with more opportunity i said yes i experienced true mental torment in that house and the worst part is i didnt even know i thought my parent were the victim because they brainwashed me so much about some thing that i still sometimes struggle if i should believe them or not in that house i wa brainwashed to the point where i couldnt even think for myself i couldnt tell what wa true i couldnt think anything for myself i experienced some not good thing they said i can visit my mom in her country and they pick me up in day to go back to the airport waited day waited a whole week they never came they left me and abandoned me and just left me in some other country and fyi that country is one of the poorest one in my area the house im at now with my mom my sister grandma and uncle isnt perfect in fact sometimes i feel like im losing my mind there they re pretty creepy sometimes except for one of my uncle in the house they dont have any malicious intent or anything but i just dont want to get into it right now im a few pound overweight and almost got an eating disorder it not even my fault that im fat my mom said it because i took a medicine when i wa little and it had a side effect of weight gain i literally eat 0x le than a normal person i dont even eat breakfast like 99 of the time on school day i used to get bullied shitless for my weight no social life no friend thats another depression aswell more ticked off the board no big deal my life so far ha been full of depressing thing so something like this doesnt seem that big anymore this is only 0 of my life s shitness if i went into everything then id prob have to spend like and a half hour typing my life ha just been an absolute mess and what you saw my post is just a fraction of my life so far person trauma is just a small fraction of mine those people who ha a dark phase probably had a good phase they had a normal life and they at least had a period in their life where they were happy i just want to enjoy my life is that too much to ask i feel so jealous of those people who can live a normal life in a normal nice house with story with friend with people to talk to my life ha just been bullshit after bullshit,1
nobody would care if i wa dead i don t think my family would even react i starved myself and fasted everyday and looked sick and no one even noticed or remembers,1
i m at that point it s just too much there s no way to even describe it anymore,1
ha anyone had trouble with making progress in therapy i ve tried therapy a fair bit throughout my life and i ve never really gotten anywhere this year ha been exceptionally hard for me and so i have thrown myself into therapy and put a ton of effort both into finding therapist who were a good fit a well a really trying to put effort into it unfortunately i seem to be a failure at it i ve had four therapist tell me after a few month of seeing me that they didn t think they were making any progress and although they all offered to keep seeing me if i wanted they didn t want me to waste my money i feel like a complete failure and lost cause i honestly don t know what it is that i m doing wrong,1
why am i like this sometimes i think about what people reaction would be if they found out i committed suicide sometimes i think it s the only way for people to understand and feel the pain i am feeling i know deep down i won t do it cowardice and my mom still being alive is the only thing stopping me i travel to and from work and i would always cry on the way i feel depressed i know i am depressed but if you would ask me why i wouldn t know where to start or what to say sometimes i don t even know why i m depressed i just am thing are seemingly going well and nothing bad ha happened yet why am i breaking down all the time and lashing out at others why do i feel this familar feeling in my chest like i m holding something back like i m on the verge of a break down i m not sure when it started but i m so scared of people i know my brain is telling me not to trust anyone or get close to anyone because i ll get hurt but i do it anyway i choose to believe that this time it would be different now im alone and i have nobody because i ve tried to protect myself from others look at me now trying to seek comfort from stranger i feel so pathetic and useless i want to be happy i want to not care about what others think of me i want to stop comparing myself to others and getting jealous of people my age who are more accomplished than me i want to be happy with who i am i want to love myself every year i would write in my journal my goal for the year and that would be at the top of my list do you know how tiring it i to pretend to be strong all the time it my own fault i did this i put my guard up and pretended to be knowledgeable a if i didn t suffer from anything imagine i m the one people go to for advice if only they knew how weak i really am how stupid i am i m so tired of reading body langauage facial expression and voice tone and trying to decipher word to see if it ha hidden meaning just to see if they are genuine living in fear of people and what they think of me absoutely breaking down at any mention of someone not liking me or liking something about me or what i did being cold and keeping people at arm length searching online meet people online and how to make friend online i m year old i ve been typing it in for year it dosen t work i m so lonely i have friend but none of them know who i really am i put up a front for year now no one know how to approach me or what to say to me if they see me i don t reply to text message because to me it s a waste of time because they aren t my real friend if i don t keep them around then i m truly a loner i go out of my way to be there for them but nobody asks me if i m okay nobody asks anything about me everyone assumes i m okay i feel so unfulfilled i m unhappy with my current academia but i m procrastinating and making it worse i feel no motivation to study all i m doing is destroying my life what do i do i cant trust anyone i ve tried it for year and everyoe hasn t been genuine sigh i m lost,1
honestly i just need someone to talk to this ha been the worst month of my life im holding back tear just typing this because it feel like im getting closer to the end because i never ask for help i wa homeless for year with bed bug now i have a voucher so i live in a place now and im safe i just feel bad complaining abut this because it feel like i dont appreciate it and because ive been by myself my whole life it make everything so much harder because when thing go bad im on my own and im just tired of it i met this girl recently that we both practically fell in love with eachother instantly pale blonde brazillian girl she wa super sweet she might be bipolar to because this shit blew up in both our face within a span of a couple day also earlier this month a meth head tried to take my phone the bitch at the ssi building tried to 0 me then a dog bit me all in the same day but i wa chillin i recovered almost instantly but thing like family argument or the situation with this girl leave me feeling so upset for so long and dont get it im just tired of feeling sad i dont wan na feel like this anymore,1
don t really know if that make sense but it a sort of feeling i get a lot,1
today all good is dead i feel a little funny,1
going through a depressive phase probably will last for a week to the least i picked up project when i wasn t in this depressive episode and now i cut of any communication with those people a the time is passing my anxiety is rising so a to why i am not communicating what they will think judgement etc what are your thought,1
i wa wondering what to do somedays he is so down and feel so low all he want is stay home and never go out today we went for a walk and he said it wa nothing special but he thanked me for coming and said he had a good time i want to find something special and out of the ordinary to make him forget about all the pressure and all the thing he ha in mind that make him feel down depressed and so low any idea,1
sometimes i think i wa either born too early or too late for my life the shape of water anyone else feel this way sometimes i feel like somehow i wasn t supposed to be here i don t seem to fit in with my life finding someone i click with ha become like finding life on other planet at it s difficult not to momentarily succumb to feeling of quiet heart heavy despair,1
tl dr have been abused mentally and physically by both parent throughout my childhood and even now at year old very depressed and have suicidal thought failing school and have poor social life afraid to fight back because it will end up in conflict someone getting hurt and me getting kicked out of the house for the millionth time i still care about my parent for some reason and love them i dont know why and am hesitant to go to authority i have nobody to move in with not much money no car what do i do am i a coward i am currently in my second semester of community college i have lived through physical and verbal abuse throughout my entire childhood asian family beaten the crap out of every other day by drunk father my mother is mentally unstable and controlling and also hit and insult me don t want to get into specific because it would be lengthy and there too much but let just say the worst thing my father ha done to me wa crack my head against a table and i had to go to the er to get staple lied and said i knocked my head into the table by accident my mother burned me with a hair iron when i wa around ten and she say stuff like i am worthless should have never been born etc daily i am not a bad son very respectful my parent just have a lot of issue that stem from being abused from their parent too and are very controlling for much of my life i thought this treatment wa normal for example my mother would start hitting me if i didn t address her a mom when talking to her when she felt moody stuff like that not warranted last semester i took difficult stem class to be an engineer and on the morning of my calculus final my drunk father punched me in the mouth and i bled because i did not wake my brother up for school when he overslept i failed the final after that i told them i wanted to join the marine because i wa sick of home they apologized and promised to change they still talk shit to me but haven t hit me until last week my mother socked me in the back of the head for leaving the light on in the staircase of the house i felt betrayed since this is the first time they hit me in three month and i thought they really did change i screamed dont touch me and glared at her fist clenched and got wrestled to the floor and swung at by my father then kicked out of the house only allowed back in the house yesterday after sleeping on a park bench the whole weekend and eating fast food they called me and told me to come home they apologized but i know they didn t mean it just like every other time i am hesitant to fight back against my parent because apart of me still love them and who they are when they aren t angry i also know if i yell back or hit back never hit them before i would get kicked out of the house so i just take it i want to separate from them but i have nobody i could move in with and my depression affected my social life throughout my childhood with few friend that are all dorming at uni across state other extended family believe i m a bad kid because my parent twist the story around and make it look like i m the bad guy not close with any of them i have no car all the money i got from financial aid and scholarship my parent made me pay off their property tax the only thing i look forward to in life anymore is when i talk to a girl i like in one of my class never told her about my situation everyone i have opened up to this about tell me that i m being a pussy and should fight back but that would get me nowhere but back on the street or possibly hurt and injured and i don t want to hurt my parent what do i do am i a coward i just feel like life is not worth living anymore and i have lost all interest in school and my career,1
i am mentally exhausted i have so many problem that i can not deal with my older brother bully me daily and all i do is just sit and listen to it if i tell him to stop he will just continue to be more annoying i have a lot of health problem my parent dont want to take me to a doctor because they think i am lying so i have to do it myself i am not legal in my country i go to school and put on a fake personality and laugh people bully me even there not physcally but mentally they tell me i am dumb weird skinny crazy i have zero friend in real life i have online friend that used to help me with everything and even made a workout plan for me all of that faded since my health is sucking rn my parent call me crazy daily becayse i like ti play video game for hour a day that is crazy to them even tho everyone else tell them it normal all i feel inside if me is just fear sadness and hopelessness 0 good or happy thought i thoght dozen if time about suicide i can t do it i have ocd and that top of everything and obliderates my life and make me suffer even more i can t take it anymore i don t knoe where to go or what to do it like i don t belong anywhere or cant do anything all i can do is whine on random subbredit because i have no one to talk to is this all life really is i know you might say ohh but if you try to get yourself up and get motivated and do stuff trust me i tried it many time it fails because of family problem etc am i worth saving is my life really worth living,1
ppd amp work hi everyone i m month postpartum and for the past couple of month i ve been calling into work a lot i ve had depression anxiety for year but during my pregnancy it got wayyyy worse anyways i m grateful that my job hasn t said anything since i always have a sub i work at a high school a a paraprofessional but i just can t come around to wanting to be at work anymore i don t want to work i don t want anyone watching my baby i just want to be home with my baby i haven t been to work all week and want to call in tomorrow i cry at night with the thought of going into work i m trying to push to the end of the year so i can get paid thru summer then quit in the fall but i don t think i can even last these next month without missing so much work any advice what should i do my boyfriend tell me to push thru until the summer at least when we ll move into a cheaper home situation and he can be the sole provider but i m also about to get my income tax and i know that can compensate for my working wage until then i m just so lost idk what to do also i can t come around to taking my zoloft consistently because i feel like it won t help and there s no point i feel like i m just broken,1
i wish he would delete her and not talk to her anymore i have nightmare about her every day for month but now they ve gotten worse i wake up time each night and after am i can t fall back asleep i wake up cry feeling paranoid depressed and betrayed what doe she have that make her so important that it s worth hurting your girlfriend over to this severity it s not like i don t want him to talk to anyone but me recently i saw him hang out with a large group of people and i felt so happy inside i know being in a group and having people around him make him happy i could ve joined but didn t i wanted this to be his moment i want him to have lot of friend i m just not comfortable with him having a close friendship with this girl who ha an obsessive crush on him all while trying to keep it hidden and secret but i see it everywhere we ve already talked about it and he know how it destroys me seeing he hang out with her instead of me he ha deleted her before but a few month later added her again and now they hang out again it s ruining me,1
i wish i wa just normal everything is so hard for me i used to wish the world wa a better place but ive given up hope the world will never get any better and even if it did my mind is too fucked to be apart of it,1
it wa in hope someone would come over she ghosted 0 minute after telling me she wa on her way to hang out it s been maybe hour i wa going to shrug it off but it only added to my low mood the last couple day i don t even know why i keep my hope up anymore,1
i don t remember the last time i wa really able to open up to someone every time i do it seems like i just make them uncomfortable or i get ignored so i ve just stopped i can t even open up to my therapist like i want to and it seems like she want nothing to do with me anymore i ve ghosted almost all of my friend at this point which i don t regret they constantly left me out of thing stood me up and were in general kind of shit friend i want to connect to other people but there s something wrong with me and i can t figure out what,1
hi together i m working up a lot with myself lately a it s difficult to get help in my country in europe right now long waiting time and little chance to get good therapy i wa diagnosed with a mild depressive episode a few year ago however i have not been well for several year therefore i think that this is not the whole truth stress feeling i have noticed that a lot of my behavior can be traced back to feeling stressed this feeling of stress is in my opinion triggered by a high internal pressure this arises for example from the fear of being abandoned or not doing something right for someone which could also lead to interpersonal punishment unfortunately i learned in my childhood that if i criticize my mother or say something wrong i am quickly punished psychologically she would get loud not talk to me for a while the stress also come from the outside of course time pressure self made time pressure fear of failure i am doing my phd and have been moving up quite fast in management consultancy the last two year have been a sprint and it ha left it mark behavior back to that stress feeling it take on different dimension i unconsciously hurt myself by delicately biting my arm or scratching my nail bed often i just see the mark afters and think oh i did it again i can reproduce it e g by playing a difficult game e g dark soul a soon a i die against a bos fight i unconsciously bite my arm in the loading time i get an extreme craving for sex masturbation multiple time a day and would describe it a compulsive sexual behavior the orgasm is then no fun and i feel exhausted and bad afterwards still i do it i behave in a clingy way and thus ruin relationship because i ask several time in a short time if everything is okay or write message to get confirmation e g that i miss my partner i am completely exhausted after a few day but can not sleep,1
i started taking depression med a few month ago and it make my suicidal thought go away it wa somewhat amazing i had such thought every day and now i barely think about it at all even when the stray suicidal thought pop up it feel different le scary my problem is that such thought would help me through the day ironiclly if i wa getting stressed i wohld think about the end of all my problem i even began to mutter i m gon na kill myself unddr my breathe and mask during work this wa insanely unhealthy and where i am now is much better comparatively but the thing that worsened these thought is still there i hate my job i have no friend i don t know how to open up to people and i m terrified about having to choose what my life will be i want to go to college study sociology maybe creative writing a well but when i go to take any sort of action i m terrified it s illogical i hate it i work at an amazon facility i stow package i pick up box and i push cart i ve working there part time for year it wa to me at least pathetic so i moved to a longer shift a small bit of action i hate working there but i m terrified of trying anything else my new shift is 0 and a half hour long with a 0 minute unpaid break and two minute paid break yesterday wa my first day after hour i went to cry in the bathroom i drove to work 0 minute ago and soon began cry it wa ugly cry i wa shivering and whimpering on my drive to work i didn t use to do this when i wa depressed i wa much more apathetic i had my coping mechanism but now i don t i m not saying that being depressed wa better i hated my suicidal thought they would ruin my day but i m now noticing that they did help me get through some rough moment it s just not something i expected i know that i should speak to a psychiatrist maybe a therapist a well i know that quitting my job would be better for my mental health i am lucky in that i have the ability to do so and still have somewhere to sleep and eat i know that i think about my future if not college with a sociogy degree then an electrition there are other option for me i m just scared and anxious the reason i wrote this here wa to make it all feel real ir s easy for me to move on from these moment but i should realise that the fear and anxiety from change can t be worse than the anxiety and especially the self hatred that i feel now sitting in my work parking lot writing this out and i took the day off i m scared to confront my mom when i get home but it s for the best and it s what i should do fuck amazon,1
im gon na copy and paste the title just to continue the story from that point on so here go nothing this ha been the worst month of my life but ill start with a light hearted day earlier this month a meth head tried to take my phone the bitch at the ssi building tried to 0 me then i got bit by a dog all in the same day what i dont understand is that im more upset about this pale blonde brazilian girl i met and lost in a span of day might be bipolar a well what i dont understand is how can i handle a fucked up day like that like it nothing and go through thing that could end in death seem to recover in minute but small thing like family argument or this situation with this girl seem to make me feel upset for so long i dont understand that at all i hope thing get better but ever since i droped acid about week ago this ha been on one end the worst month of my life but some part the best just the good part never last now my life is like a real life nightmare i might be schizo now a well also my depresion is worse then ever now before all this i lived in the car for year with bed bug now i have a voucher so im fine now and live in a place and am safe now but i just feel so stupid whenever i complain about anything now because i feel like it me not appreciating what i have i just dont get why this horible feeling wont go away i dont know what to do im here on reddit talking to random people dealing with the same thing because i just dont know what else to do it wa helping at first but i just feel so lost for no reason i feel like thing are good now but inside i feel the worst ive ever felt i dont wan na feel sad anymore i just want this horible feeling to go away,1
i m great at acting like i m happy sometimes i actually think i am people think i m very personable when i m in group setting but a i get older i m finding it harder and harder to keep it up i know fake it til you make it work for some but ha anyone here faked it until they re actually happy most of the time,1
i m failing out of college right now because i can t fucking focus every time i try to do my work i feel so restless and irritable i get hit with this stupid melancholy feeling for no good reason and it make me feel like doing nothing but lay in bed until i die of starvation but dying is too painful for a number of reason so i really have no easy way out hell i don t even have an out that seems reasonably doable i feel so trapped i want to talk to my loved one and tell them i m dying over here metaphorically but it feel impossible to tell them without something awful happening help,1
every time i think about suicide or search painless suicide i begin to cry i don t know exactly the reason is it depression kicking in or just fear of death,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
ive been struggling with my mental health for a really long time even throughout secondary school the only thing is ive always pushed it down and gotten away with achieving my academic expectation despite how im struggling ive never told anyone about my problem not even my mum i guess i never wanted to worry her and also took alot of pride in being able to handle myself and not needing help from anyone i guess the combination of leaving it untreated and uni stress ha made it get worse and worse to the point it spiralled out of control i dont know the last time i actually ate a meal rather than just snack food all day the light is broken in my bathroom and i cant call maintenance to fix it because of the state of my dorm i have a nocturnal sleeping schedule and i rarely shower or leave my room i cant apply for special circumstance and try to finish the year because i cant even get out of bed let alone catch up on load of work and missed assignment i really just need to go home and eliminate the stress in order to seek medical treatment and get better but i dont know how to break it to my mum because she think im perfectly fine like how doe it go from being completely okay to me being in a full blown crisis just like that for her it not that i dont think she ll understand but i feel like im a completely different person than who she see no idea of anyone will see this but id really appreciate some advice support because ive never spoken to anyone about my mental health and idk what to do,1
i just want to stop being so sad i feel like i m failing at life i m sitting at my desk and i just can t stop fucking cry over literally nothing i just don t see any hope for my future somehow i always come back to this feeling i used to fantasize about getting hurt enough to be in a hospital for like week just to get a break but not actually kill myself because i feel like i couldn t do that to the people around me i really have no one in my life to talk to right now i tried the crisis text line and my god they are unhelpful you are so brave for reaching out how do you think you were able to reach out tonight um maybe because i have this option or the option to off myself and one seems a little more rational than the other how do you guy cope when you just can t do it anymore,1
depression make no sense sometimes i have a great life family member who love me friend who care about me everything going for me in term of college relationship life etc and despite all of these thing i still find myself thinking about ending my life suicidal ideation is something that i have dealt with since i wa a young teenager but lately it ha become a half dozen to a dozen thought of taking my own life every day what i really don t understand is the fact that almost everyone else around me doesn t feel the same way i do doesn t see the world in the same way i do sometimes when i wake up i ll just have my mind scream at me that no one and nothing matter that despite what we do all of u will end up dying one day etc sometimes i just really don t see the point of life all of u are on a journey with the only thing promised to u are sorrow or death we are taught that we have to make our own happiness and value out of life but if that s true than there is definitely something wrong with me that can t be fixed because some of u just aren t made for your fairy dust fucking world and anyone who isn t thank you cause there are too many stupid as happy people in this fuckface of a wordl we live in,1
i am tired i don t feel anything good i just don t want to exist anymore,1
doe anyone else on this subreddit have a sense of karma that let them make decision but the opposite way round the only way to explain it is for example the opportunity arises to do something fun or something i ll enjoy i don t want to do it because i feel that i will be due a similar if not higher amount of bad karma back in return a i shouldn t be allowed to enjoy myself is this something others experience or am i alone in this,1
doe any else feel that they can t really think anymore particularly in academic area and for anyone who ha been through this before do you ever develop the ability again,1
i m year old i started university like week ago at that time i wasn t feeling miserable or anything i wa a close to being happy that i have been in a long time but when the class started and i met the stuff that involves university made me feel depressed again i don t have any motivation i m studying something i already know i don t like and if i wanted to start another career i d have to end this year because of my university a regulation i don t really feel motivated i don t feel good and i cry almost everyday it s being super rough to me maybe i m exaggerating or maybe i m not but sometimes i don t wan na be here anymore if u know what i mean i don t know what to do to feel better i have my s o my friend my family but nothing help also i haven t had many good experience at therapy and the medicine make me feel even more depressed that i am,1
tw depression mention to ed light mention of disassociation i think that s everything first time i ve written anything and don t expect people to see it but idk the idea of having my anger written down in a le private area is comforting idk like diary piss me off sometimes bc i m writing shit down but then what it s just for me it feel the same a it being just in my head sometimes sometimes i think it s great and v therapeutic and everyone prefers different thing it s absolutely a valid technique so no hate but anyway i hate the fact that i can t cry anymore i m numb all the fucking time idk what i want ever i feel so bad about myself when i see my face for more than like minute which is an issue bc i facetime my long distance girlfriend a lot and can t get away from it i feel so bad about myself when i feel hungry still working through a lot of issue with food so i m constantly feeling on the edge of a relapse i m so numb to everything i couldn t tell my girlfriend that i loved her for like week and i felt so guilty about it but it felt like a lie to say and i couldn t bring myself to do it bc i just don t feel anything she s been really understanding but ik it upset her so i ve started saying it again but i still find it hard bc i feel no connection to the word i know that i love her like she s the best thing that s ever happened to me but the word just feel empty i feel so distant from myself and emotion and even with all this guilt and resentment and sadness towards myself i can t even breakdown over it it s actually breaking me i feel like i can t do it anymore i just wan na feel again,1
the only reason i haven t committed suicide yet is coz i am too much of a coward to kill myself my life just plain suck and i might possibly lose my second job just month after losing my first so yaay me,1
i don t know how anything work anymore my brain feel like it ha dementia forgetful literal lack of intelligence and critical thinking skill i don t know how school work don t know basic math never had relationship and feel incredibly out of place and inferior to the rest of the general population that s my age half of the people living in my building are my age now i m so fucking suicidal everyday i m just waiting to die,1
wake up force yourself to eat breakfast go to school that s filled to the brim with people who don t like me and think i m weird overthink everything suffer through class get home sleep or do homework then go to sleep again repeat for the next few fucking year is there really any point if class were at least enjoyable i d manage to get through it and honestly most of them aren t horrible just one rd language class that i can t fucking get out of or get better at because how the fuck am i gon na find the strength to learn a whole new language i always get yelled at always stressed at that class because i know i won t answer correctly and i will get yelled at then go home and cut yourself because of it fun right,1
it s been a while since i ve had depression episode and i think it ha come back but worse i m the first daughter of immigrant parent therefore i have to be perfect and be an example for my little sister i m falling a class in college and can t seem to get my grade up i can t focus i can t concentrate i stay up until am doing homework and studying but even though i try my best i feel like i m not progressing i don t want my parent to think i m a failure i want to make them proud but i can t find the inspiration to keep going i feel like sh t anxiety haunt me everyday and i just want this to stop i want to talk about how i feel with my mom but i don t want her to have a bad image of me in her head she know i have depression and anxiety since i wa diagnosed but i told her month ago that i wa okay i m not now i know that if i tell her that i feel depressed again she s just going to tell me to keep going my mom is not a bad mom i love her she ha done everything for me but she doesn t show u affection it might been the way she wa raised but i need to her her say that she s here for me or that she love me i can t remember when wa the last time she hugged me or said i love you i don t feel appreciated in this house when i try to be friendly or make a conversation with her it always end up with her being mad i ve gone several time to her room just to hang out with her but it seems that bother her when i try and hug her she tell me to stop i know she ll be very disappointed in me if she discovers i m not doing well in my class she ha criticized me because of what show i watch if i m enjoying a video game too much she ll tell me that s all you know how to do why don t you do something else instead of playing your little game she hate the music i enjoy listening all i want is to have a mom daughter moment but it doesn t happen i ve talked to her about this several time she cried once saying it wa hard for her too and i understand hard i know it s hard having a touched starved mentally unstable daughter that s why i don t want to bother her with my problem when i happen to have a problem with a member of my family aunt uncle or cousin she ll always be on their side it s like she want to please them i don t feel heard im 9 and on my th and 9th birthday i cried i wanted to spend my 9th birthday doing something i wanted and my parent said yes that wa until my step dad changed his mind and choose to visit his sister on my birthday hour away hour city i wa mad i feel like i had the right to my mom told me that i didn t have to come with them that i could stay in the house until they arrived sunday night my birthday wa on sunday i choose to go because i didn t want to spend the day without my family i didn t got to do anything i wanted i wa pretty bummed my mom and stepdad noticed this and yelled at me saying i didn t had to be here that i could ve stayed in the house my mom did bought me a cake and ate it when i arrived home and i wa grateful for that my aunt and uncle noticed how my mom and stepdad acted on the day of my birthday and felt bad for me they told me i should ve stayed with them and they would ve took me to the mall funny how my mom go all the way out for his birthday or my sister birthday i feel like i m a failure to them i m not the perfect daughter they wish they had it s like they just gave up on me at least is how i see it every time i talk to my mom she look at me with an annoyed face when i told her that i m kind of struggling with college she shrugged and told me that it s my fully because i choose this career it s true but i wa looking for some encouraging or caring word i feel what i need is a break im sorry for over sharing but i can t tell this to my friend or sister i don t want to bother or worry them,1
i m really desperate i m a yr old guy with no job even if i graduated from college no girlfriend never kissed or hugged a girl in my life no real friend most of them are toxic amp manipulative nothing special about me i don t know if i m pretty or ugly smart or dumber i m so confused about my self image it s like i live in hell get rejected by ton of girl ton of job offer i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser i m too nice too shy always extremely anxious and stressful dealing with brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good about me just kinda good at math amp coding i can t hold a good conversation with anyone only with my mom amp my brother i feel kinda confident speaking and it s been a while i m depressed living with a dark mood i feel like i m a loser amp i can do nothing i can t even go to gym practice favorite hobby or enjoying any movie youtube video video game etc i don t know what to do with my life i only think about option therapy ending my life sorry for my english it s not my native langage,1
i kinda miss when i wa completely apathetic at least then i wasn t anxiety ridden and constantly worrying about how much of a failure i am and how downhill my life is going i miss when i didn t care when i could watch my world collapse in front of me and be able to sleep at night when i didn t need to always doing something that release dopamine to keep my mind off of my severe procrastination should i even call it procrastination when the last minute already past i kinda miss when i wa apathetic when i simply didn t care,1
need some feedback if it s just me amp im insecure or if some of these girl are getting out of hand i m a year old girl whose instagram feed look like wan na be influencers i can t deal with how many picture they re putting out there on top of how edited they are it drive me insane because it make me feel so unattractive but then i remember these girl are smoothing their skin lightening their eye whitening their teeth modifying their body etc should i delete instagram cause i honestly don t know what else to do at this point it s deteriorating me,1
i ve been feeling really depressed lately and find myself with no one to talk i have these cry spell whenever i m alone and convinced that i m worthless and not worth anyone s time it s getting harder to pick myself up from the floor bed and be productive or practice self care my friend live far away and emotionally at arm length my family understands that i m depressed but not how much it debilitates me with no one to talk to i feel trapped i m hoping finding online support can help me understand how to go on so i m kinda new to this how doe this thread help you,1
well i caved i cut myself for the first time today it didn t really hurt but it didn t help either i still feel like shit i can t take it anymore i switched school this year and have yet to make a single friend every day i m on the outside of the group i know that i did something to warrant this problem but no one will tell me what i did am doing i just gave up trying to nudge my way into conversation and just sit there and listen so i don t look like a lonely loser although i guess i look like one anyway anyone have any advice i need social interaction to get out of my depression also looking for new friend won t work a everyone in the grade act like i don t exist so don t suggest that,1
so i recently moved to a state 000 mile away from my home with my parent even though there wa no point in it i m and this isn t just the right place for me and there s nothing i can do about it all my family member who lived here convinced my parent to move over here cause apparently it s better when i m here my anxiety ha gone up by a lot and so ha my depression i can t even sit still in peace after getting into a fight like my mind constantly telling me we need to go back home i never got along with others in public and got into fight at school already did drug and a lot of stuff like that my parent think this is the best environment and i m still acting like this and they never listen to me i m having a talk with my therapist in a few day do you think they could convince my parent that this isn t a good place for me and recommend u to move out of the state for better mental health for me mentally and emotionally because i just do not belong here i wa so much better a a person in my hometown now i can t even tell if this is me i even have done drug here for the first time and yet my parent family think i m the problem not the environment what can i do i can not wait much longer,1
my friend ha suffered with depression for what seems most of their life and recently it s become apparent that it s become worse due to them distancing themselves being more irritable and stressed and even mentioning suicide they have also withdrawn from doing thing with me a much when we used to do thing very often i try to support them already of course but since i don t necessarily deal with severe depression like them i struggle to know how to handle thing sometimes what are some tip on how i can be there for them and support them many thanks if anyone answer a i really want to support my friend,1
the note is done written edited signed done the noose is cinched and hung all that s left is for me to decorate the door i stood staring at it for what felt like an eternity today every second had felt like eternity i had writhed in agony watching each minute tick by a if a lifetime had passed i had tried everything i knew and i d been told dunked my face in cold water but my forehead had felt red hot meditated and focused on my breathing but i d retreat back into my head between each breath and be left gasping for air took a scalding bath for a moment i wa in my skin again but then the water and i felt a one i tried to nap a reset wa always in store but i woke up still at death s door i hadn t done it yet though i d never been closer but i still hadn t done it before i hit send before i decorated the door i told myself i d go for one last run to get out of my head i ve been treading water the last week just barely keeping my head up i tried mushroom a few day ago and for the first time in what felt like month could accept myself in fact i discovered i wa stuck in time two month earlier when i d been dumped my heart hadn t moved on but the universe relentlessly had and for hour the mushroom gave me clarity that i needed to move on and even had there wa a moment when time seemed to stop and suddenly i wa vaulted forward to the present over and around the intervening month i wa present again but just a sudden a the revelation had fallen upon me it wa stripped away and the black dog weighed down my chest once more shakily i put on my running clothes i considered my route an old standard roughly mile it d buy me a calculated more minute to think about this decision i cinched my lace i hate these shoe i struck out the door when my foot hit the pavement i realized this wasn t a regular jog i wasn t running to run i wa running to kill myself or not i d find out along the way suddenly the route and distance didn t matter i knew i d be going further than i d thought i started out at a normal pace and began upping my tempo i knew i wa out of shape i knew a single minute mile would be my limit a it had been on several of the past day but today wasn t those day i couldn t feel the exhaustion the pain of my body moment earlier all i could feel wa my body exhausted i wa trapped in my head i could push my body well past it s limit today because i wasn t leaving my heart or my head until my body hurt more around the first mile i started muttering to myself you ve never outrun yourself before but today is the day you beat yourself and i kept running i came upon a long flat stretch a narrow catwalk along the water s edge and i broke into a sprint i wa going to break myself now i pushed until i could feel the burn in my leg my throat and my lung i hadn t pushed myself like this in day week month or maybe even year i d forgotten what it felt like i started feeling light headed this wa to be alive but it couldn t last i ground to a halt and walked finally outside my head again but still thinking finally not drowning in my thought i d realized earlier what it is in those last moment it is quite literally drowning in your thought my brain take over dwelling on my past failure rejection loss and it s a if every iota of my brain power is diverted to these fruitless foray in my hippocampus every drip of processing is diverted suddenly my breathing reflex kick in i haven t been breathing i ve been drowning in my thought and with it a sense of fear and dread adrenaline course through my aorta spreading across my chest and dilating my bronchus fight or flight from my own past pushing myself achieves this same end but what am i running for what am i running toward i don t know and i feel so lost and unbound adrift and asea i thought again if this is your last run you re going out strong and started sprinting again i ran and i ran and i ran i ran through throng of people amidst cherry blossom who didn t know i wa probably running to my death but suddenly i didn t want to die anymore at least not yet not now and i started a new mantra this run saved my life and i realized i could say that every time i ran or biked or hiked or sat with friend or worked on a project or spoke to my mom but to do so i d have to get through those long dark minute of pure and intense pain i d have to learn to hurt myself again running hiking biking but i kept running a fast and a hard a i could i circled back around on my path it wa a lollipop route and i wa completing the candy and i pushed myself until i wa back on the inner leg of it the stem i pushed myself so hard i started vomiting in a homeless camp of all place i d had nothing to eat today and little yesterday i wa subsisting on coffee the bile came up black sour bitter much a the coffee had been going down it seemed a funny parallel and i decided then that i wanted to write about this i wanted to share my story because today i didn t kill myself i might have some part of me wanted to but i ran away and i ll keep running it s tough but i think i found something to run for again i d mostly stopped running age ago but i think this wa the motivation i needed to start again the rest of my life is in shamble and i don t know what i m doing but i can keep running i ll start running with a group i think and each time i ll let them know at the end this run saved my life i ll let them decide what that mean to me and them,1
im and mo postpartum i don t know if i have ppocd but the intrusive thought are becoming unbearable my baby is healthy and for the most part happy a lot of the time i feel like a shitty mom because i work full time while my boyfriend is at home with the baby and when i get home im too exhausted to clean house or play with my baby i carry so much guilt about other people watching my son on my day off so i can get thing done because i m his mom and i should be able to take care of him and everything else myself tonight he wa losing his sh t bc he wa overtired his screaming made me feel like i wanted to hurt him or myself i would never hurt him but the thought get so loud i can t seem to escape them i wa in a psych hospital last month but it didn t help at all these thought are a constant sometimes i feel like having a baby wa the wrong choice and i ruined my life and the only way to fix my issue is to end it i just feel so alone,1
i m going to be in le then a week i d do anything to just go back a year or two restart highschool and actually pay attention fucking pas at least there s no fucking way i pas this year there s no fucking way i graduate by senior year i have 0 fucking friend to celebrate with but i would i even celebrate why would i celebrate being with absolutely jack shit going for me congrats your fucking failing highschool no friend just got broken up with no career i mean there is absolute jack fucking shit going for me i waited so long for this day because i wanted to join the military and you can at but i ve already ruined my gpa i m just done with even trying anymore everything i do nothing going to change the fact imma failure advice fucking pay attention in highschool and don t try to fit in with people who were never there for you,1
my dad died almost one month ago and i feel like no one understand what im going through and expects me to act normal i try everyday to do thing to distract myself but everyday i feel worse sometimes i think im not even cry for my loss i really can t stop when i wake up i cry and then in the night i cried myself to sleep i don t want to be with anyone and at the same time i want to be perceived i don t get what is happening i ve never ever been so sad in my whole life i don t want to live everything i do or try to do for someone seems to be wrong or badly done i have always had good self esteem but now anyone can call me ugly a a joke and i would get mad and think for it for the rest of the day i just want it to stop shit hurt like a mf,1
there s nothing left for me in life and i ve kept this calm cool facade that i m fine for so long it s impressive i m failing school i have zero love life and i have no idea what to do for a living and i don t think there is anything i want to do i have no passion keeping me alive i ve literally just been having sex and dling drug literally anything to give me some small momentary bit of joy at this point it barely doe that i m a failure and god taken away every piece of happiness i could possibly have i ve disappointed the people who love me most and i can t keep being a drain on their life if i kill myself it ll hurt them but no one will truly miss me after a couple year it would be so much better for my parent if i died i m such a fucking failure it hurt i never wanted this life i had potential at one point but i never realized how quickly god can turn it all around,1
i ve been dealing with serious depression for the last 0 year one huge thing is the mental fatigue i m always feeling in my head making it hard to get up and do thing what have you done to help relieve that so thing are much easier to do and enjoy i m planning on switching job but the mental exhaustion is making so hard to go for it so any advice would be amazing,1
i am a freshman in high school young i get it but still have felt like shit for year this night wa terrible worse then the others and i don t even know why i decided that i wa gon na end it all i went to the cabinet and grabbed 0 pill and swallowed them all knowing what the outcome should have been i went to bed right away in hope that i wouldn t have to feel the pain but then something weird happened i heard my alarm clock go off in the morning meaning i wa still alive how i don t know but i should have been dead i can t focus on anything now and just think about the fact that i m still alive and thinking of way on how i am but still nothing i don t know what to do and am literally losing my shit,1
just being so nervous around every person and my move and action i just have no idea it came back so strong i m so sad it s everyday is a battle if i have to leave the house idk how i ever got this maybe i always have,1
gon na graduate highschool in a couple month i have no future plan no job can t go to college because of financial problem everyday waking up i feel like a total piece of garbage that never taken out my friend ha their own future some of them already have job i don t have any skill i m an idiot i don t know nothing i only have a mom left my big bro paying the bill rn after i graduate highschool if i don t have a job when i reach 0 y o or something happened to my life i m gon na do it or should i i don t know anymore i m scared of my future i hope it ll be okay i hope,1
i have my mom and grandma but it still feel lonely and i can t talk about my problem with them and my anxiety is kicking me in sometimes i feel like i m overreacting to it i just want to cry and tell people how lonely i m but still i don t want to share my feeling i want to stay strong a much a possible i don t know what i m doing and today is my birthday and no one wish me i m lonely i need someone to know what i feel it s just too lonely,1
i don t know if it s that i ve been on antidepressant for year or that i repress my emotion and don t allow myself to process thing but i didn t even notice i went on my phone and started reading random bullshit,1
this is something i see so often and people claim their reason for being an asshole is depression no being a nasty person and depression are two completely different thing i recently got downvoted on this sub for telling someone it wrong to insult others for trying to help them unfortunately i have seen this in real life a well i wa diagnosed with depression nearly 0 year ago so i ve been apart of depression support group and i ve heard member of the group call other member ugly stupid and when confronted they quickly jumped back to sorry it s my depression hehe real depression is fucking painful and lead to people killing themselves it s not some sort of get out of jail free card and people that use it a such should stop downplaying depression,1
maybe if i made regular healthy meal for myself instead of skipping them and eating junk food i d feel better maybe if i kept to a consistent sleep schedule instead of staying up late at night and letting myself pas out on the couch at random time throughout the day i d feel better maybe if i respected the way i looked instead of neglecting my hygiene and wearing dirty clothes because i don t feel like changing i d feel better maybe if i cleaned and decorated my apartment instead of surrounding myself with trash and shit i don t care about i d feel better maybe if i left the house once in a while and allowed myself to show the slightest bit of interest in anything i d feel better maybe if i let the right people in instead of always pushing them away minimize the toxic people in my life instead of always letting them get to me open up and trust instead of always expecting the worst and keeping my distance if i would actually be there for the people i care about instead of just saying i am then blowing them off maybe if i could open myself up to the possibility of positivity instead of always dwelling on the negative then i d feel better probably but damn it if that shit doesn t come naturally to me then i m just not interested work hard to make a change ha i m already working a hard a i can just to keep from loosing it on a day to day basis i am not willing to put in any more energy into my life than i already am thank you very much a life of incremental progress towards what wa supposed to be the starting line is no life at all a world where a brain can get like this whether a product of rationality or not is not a world in which i wish to live i don t care if there s hope for a better future unless it come with a better past and present too,1
well like the title say it since covid ha come around and i got it time died almost time at this moment i just hoped it killed me i having longcovid and no energy need to use a lot of medicine to get normal breath since then my day are waking up working and after hour i have no energy got ta work for 0 hour a day because it s to busy after i get home nobody is there to support me nobody is ever texting me i hate it to see everyone having a gf around me i m alone not talking to someone and when i talk to people people will backstab me after sometime after i did something for them i hate my life and just want to be happy again hoped to find a girl to talk with have friend that like playing game and chatting but i m always alone while gaming or something and when people say yeah i get online they never will get online i m here to write it off myself 9 0 time it help especialy since i not have someone to talk about it sometimes i hope to meet some dutch people that feel the same or know how it is amp x 00b thanks for those who even read this sh t d amp x 00b kind regard amp x 00b ajax winner,1
i wa in my car actually but it wa a bad time to start cry i know it sound pathetic but i felt my emotion build up and started remembering thing i shouldn t remember then my tear started flowing the worst part wa making sure my eye didn t look red before going out in public this happens to me a lot and i can hardly control it i ve always thought cry make you weak but a it turn out i cry a lot for someone who look down on it i feel like a pathetic po and even more so for being a grown as 0 year old woman,1
i m so tired everything is rough right now i m getting sick of it and i want out it seems thing go wrong at every turn lately for example my family went on a big march break trip one week on a resort wa gon na be awesome to top it off i wa turning sixteen that week and guess what happens i get norovirus for day and then the flu for the rest of it i missed half of the trip how fucking incredible back home now and thing are more stressful than when i left the ceiling of my parent restaurant caved in from prolonged water damage which our landlord wouldn t fix and we ve been closed for a month now with repair only starting recently i have been unable to work this whole time which is lovely considering i am paying of an expensive computer feel selfish to complain considering the scale of issue that my parent are facing but still fucking suck i can barely get myself out of bed in the morning now and i ve missed lot of school a a result of course my grade have fallen i ve got missing assignment littered about and it suck cause not long ago i wa a 90 and up student i just want to be dead i m not brave enough to do anything though so i guess i ll sit and suffer i wa hoping i d have turned all this around by it s been year that this ha been going on now and i am so disappointed in myself for it i know i could do better than this i know i have the capability if i could just have enough energy and will to get the fuck out of bed every morning all would be perfect if i could look at myself in the mirror without wanting to claw my face off all would be perfect but none of this is gon na happen because i don t have the drive to bother with any of it nobody know either i don t think anybody ha the slightest clue and if they have an idea they don t know the depth of it i m not gon na tell them i ll probably have died already by the time i have the courage to say anything oh well i certainly won t tell my parent i don t even know how we are still afloat financially with everything that s happening but we are barely and i m not gon na add stress to them,1
one of my biggest fear is trying everything possible to turn my life around from grade to career career to myself then still come out being the same or still having the same hallow feeling i wan na take this next year to change my life around for the best i wan na look back and be happy with my life and what i ve accomplished i ve learned throughout the year that i really do want to be alive i just don t want to be me i wish i could change myself and who i am and where i came from but i can t so i would like to better myself do something to make myself proud i just don t want to waste even more time trying to fix myself then still be unhappy this fear probably came from my dad he s a ex heroin addict yet in his 0 he went from a crackhead to owning his own auto repair shop ha a beautiful yr old and amazing wife yet he still the most cold hearted asshole he still cant get more then a couple hr of sleep he s drunk every night he rarely speaks a word to me so from heroin addict to a shop owner yet still unhappy still suicidal still fighting after doing so fucking much is that really all there is to life constantly fighting to be happy without ever truly feeling it you may hide it or distract for awhile but it always come back and harder everytime till one day,1
the daily struggle is starting to get to me i have wondered for so long why and made excuse why but when you re depressed the reason don t matter a far a i m concerned seeing a therapist amp getting medication are not an option for me the closest therapist is 00 mile away my insurance doe not cover visit they charge 00 a session and the wait for an appointment is month the way i figure it is that i have three choice end it all which would cause pain for everyone else i love wait six month travel amp get some happy pill that never work and make certain body part uhhhh shall we say limp deal with it any way possible tough choice i ll get back to you all on what i choose be well peace out,1
i feel like if i just got some life changing money like that a good amount of my problem would be solved it s just crazy to think that someone spends that much in a week when just spending 00 in a week would take me a month to recover from,1
i have anxiety and possibly depression too but i just wanted to ask if grief can be considered a depression i m not really capable of feeling grief i have only felt it in dream or about animal or something,1
been on escitalopram for about year worked great for the first or year wa prescribed either or 0mg honestly don t remember the exact dosage eventually it started making me feel complacent with sleeping long hour and not having any energy not meeting my goal or even making goal in the first place and not caring about thing i used to i didn t feel depressed but felt like i wa not where i wanted to be in life and that the antidepressant were part of the problem i should also mention that part of the reason i take them is for anxiety when this happened about year ago i decided to go off of them over a period of month it wa a very slow process because of all the side effect it wa terrible once i wa finally off them i felt worse i did have more energy but it wa like anxious energy i could function on hour of sleep just fine whereas with the antidepressant i feel like i have the flu if i get le than 9 hour normal on the pill is 9 0 hour well once i wa finally off the pill i wa getting anxious over every little thing including driving i had just gotten a new job and wa failing at it my inlaws came to visit in two seperate trip and after the first trip i decided i had to go back on the pill asap a i couldn t handle it anymore random outburst of cry and feeling very depressed along with near constant anxiety which is not great when my in law already don t seem to like me much long story short i went back on the pill about year ago probably about a month or of being off of them but i have kept the dosage low mg a i d like to try getting off them again i am worried to get off them completely again to try new antidepressant a i ve been promoted a few time since i went back on them and i can t risk screwing up my job i did ask my doctor if i could take the lowest dose of my current antidepressant 0 mg while i switch to new one but she told me i would have to be completely off the old one before starting anything new now i am also contemplating just upping my dosage to higher than it wa before and seeing if that help but i m also worried about having to try to get off a high dosage again it wa so terrible i m mostly just wondering if anyone ha any similar experience and what you decided to do and how it worked for you i know going to my doctor is best but it hasn t been super helpful for me so i m just curious about personal experience and i just feel like rambling a bit i guess,1
i wasn t in a relationship but there wa this girl who i wa heavily attracted to for whatever reason nothing worked out well i ve tried throwing the kitchen sink at it for quite some time now but i ll never get any closure because she s hardly active on any social medium after much deliberation i actually realized that i still do have the same feeling for her now a i did back then but i can t do shit about it i ve started to accept that my pain probably won t ever go away unless my life doe and i ve been having an intention to act on that,1
when it rain it pours i can never get ahead in this game of life it s all sort thing that pile on at the same time it seems like i start thinking that maybe it ll turn around wham something new newest one family ha a trip planned coming up and sure enough kid is sick i just don t understand why can t thing ever shift in my favor i know this sound petty compared to other people problem but i just needed to vent to someone,1
i feel like all of this is part of a bigger plan not that i believe in god or anything i believe that what we are experiencing right this moment is reliving our past we are living a fulfilling life there somewhere in the future i m not sure what the endgame is but being curious about it it s the only thing preventing me from burying myself six foot under i d like to find out if my older self is alive and well i feel him watching me from the distance,1
i m so behind in all my responsibility that i m seriously fucking up my future the weird thing i don t care logically i should be panicking but i m so calm i feel like i m barely even here,1
i dont think my friend are bad people which for some reason hurt to type i cant stand them anymore though im a class clown so everyone think im so outgoing and can talk to people but to be honest i put on a mask i think people are only my friend because im funny im only a joke and not an actual person if i make a self deprecating joke ill be showered with fake compliment or joke about me because you play game or call a group chat im in doesnt make u real friend ive never had a genuine conversation with anybody i know from school or online the closest ive felt to having friend wa talking to someone about a game on omegle nobody actually hang out with me either im in a group chat and somebody call it or someone feel bad and invite me somewhere two of my friend have messed up plan several time with me and dont invite me anywhere now is this some weird fucking pity thing i dont understand anything about them it genuinly upset me and any small comment or joke ruin my day they dont think about these thing but i do maybe they dont bring it up i dont either but atleast they have people to comfort them they can believe whatever garbage they say to eachother but i know any compliment i get is a lie and fake they just like me being funny and telling joke sometimes ill stay in factimes alone after everyone left it usually me and one person left and then they leave im so fucking alone the worst part is i dont fit with anybody in my class there a trans ki in my class and i dont think theyd accept me with how they talk sometimes the others might not either and i know my family 00 wouldnt they all say homophobic shit from time to time and everyone in my family are not my age but much older they all seem like they would treat me differently im so scared i cant go to anybody and i dont like the idea of venting online but here i am,1
i cant do this i just cant anymore i wan na be happy again im dealing with lot rn ever since i watched some verg graphic gore smoked weed had dpdr researched solipsism it all too much for me i wan na be happy again i just cant see the world the same anymore but i want to please someone help ive had this kind of depression for year it come and go i hadnt had any kind of major depression tho for a while this doesnt feel like itll go away i rly need to know and make sure itll go away because i just cant especially at night thats when it get rly bad i just don t know what to do this doesn t feel like it ll ever go away please please help im desperate,1
i ve been struggling for a long time but it s getting worse i feel alone constantly no matter who s around me i fake a smile to pretend i m okay but i m far from it idk what to do anymore i don t eat i can t sleep no matter how hard i try i never feel that i m good enough what do i do do i give up i don t wan na die but i don t wan na live like this,1
i ve tried 0 antidepressant nothing work i m about to fail out if college it s over for me i don t want to love anymore,1
i m starting to hate this routine i ve gotten myself into i especially hate my job i mean it s convenient and it doesn t suck all the time but this place ha me by the ball i never see anyone anymore i m trying to save up for a car but i suck at saving i m going nowhere in my life and on top of that i m starting to wish i didn t push everyone away or isolate myself but i can t help it,1
i forget that i m depressed and not normal because people love to bash me for not caring about most thing other human do like making lot of money and being better than everyone else lmao i made a post earlier about how i ll never do extra work at my job bc it s not worth it knowing from experience and being on that side i know you just get used by company and they never pay you what you deserve so anyway i realized i don t care for most thing other people do lmao and for what why should i care it s not worth caring,1
i m absolutely fucking leathered i love you all,1
every day i feel exhausted i wake up and just lay in bed i feel like i have no interest anymore even playing videogames or watching youtube isn t enjoyable anymore i feel so tired and stuck i don t know what to do with my life i am back living with my parent and currently am not working i applied for disability due to my depression i see a therapist twice a week and do chore for my parent in the meantime but i just feel like laying in bed all day even when i force myself to do thing i feel little or nothing from it i just want this feeling to end,1
day have passed since i last posted nothing ha improved my friend just hang with me for my stuff my family see me a a liability and useless it s midnight again and i wish i wa dead,1
i recently asked out my crush she seemed positive about it but didn t give me a clear answer i asked if we could talk about it today and we did she told me she would like to o go out with me but she doesn t feel ready to be in a relationship she would ve said yes if i had waited a bit longer i am just so disappointed in myself everytime i am near happiness i screw everything up i hate myself,1
fourteen year ago today i got married i thought it wa the beginning of my uneventful everyday nothing wife mom homemaker life and id be happy and grow old and die and be buried beside my old man nope here i am and widowed w four kid and alone af i m so lonely in the human sense that yes it contributes to my mdd and cptsd i ve been widowed for four year raising four kid solo my parent died a year after my husband did my sibling live 0 mile away my extended relative live out of state my close friend i only really interact with through texting because they live far away all of my friend and female acquaintance have boyfriend or husband so anytime i m physically around them the interaction feel awful for me and my kid i don t fit in at any of the church i attend or interact with because all of the other widow are decade older than me and all of the mother w young kid go there with their husband and are all happy with their full life and younger people don t wan na talk to the widow w a bunch of kid in her 0 dating hahahahahahahahahahhhhhh they re either never been married and want someone young and childless they re older and don t want to have a house of kid if we d get married or they re younger and don t want to take on that role to kid who aren t biologically theirs etc i m just left out and alone and then people don t like if i voice how lonely i feel so they ll attempt to invalidate my feeling with you have kid that make me extra lonely i have no one to send the cute pic i take of them to tell their cute little story to who they can do thing with or help me answer the question many time i m overwhelmed because they ll all talk to me or ask me question simultaneously because we have no one else who s a regular in our life it s just me so they swamp me and i can t pay attention to everyone all at the same time how they need so then at night they re asleep and i m trying to destress but i can t because the next day will be the same and there is no one to cuddle with or talk to etc it s funny too because i see article etc about how mom are overstressed etc and they need help and all but when i air my situation and trouble people say my motherhood single widowed motherhood to four fatherless kid should be the answer to my loneliness and stress if society want to feel bad for and support married mom of one of two kid how come i can never get some freaking recognition and support a a single widowed mom of four with no family or whoever helping her again i m ostracized even in the stressed single mom circle,1
i m think i m depressed and my anxiety is through the roof rn i m having a hard time focusing what should i do,1
why is it that sometimes i just randomly am completely consumed by anxiety i try think about something nice and i just feel random anxiety and i don t know why it make me feel awful or am i just tired i don t know but i do know that i m so easily consumed by defeat and depression i just want to give up and hurt myself i don t know what to do anymore i hope i can make it,1
doe anyone else feel helpless every day i just feel like i am passing time from one shitty situation to the next what is the point i am a m father or two with two kid early teen and college age and married to my best friend career marriage etc i can t stand my job it s not the company rather the job itself i am an account manager in the pharmaceutical industry which translates to constantly apologizing for other worker s fuck ups and dealing with burnt out frustrated pharmacist all the time i never cause the problem but i am treated a such and shit get taken out on me there is absolutely no joy in this position and it suck whatever remaining happiness i have i am looking for another job i have mental health issue gad depression ptsd etc which do not help i never know how i am going to react behave or feel each day sadly no matter how i try to hide it my family always know i am seeing a therapist which help at the time but the effect always wear off in a day or two i want nothing more than for my kid and wife to be happy and content with their life i am sure that hard to do with me around following them like a storm cloud or eeyore i had a classmate i grew up with she wa awesome beautiful inside and out the type of person who make the world better just by existing she recently had a freak medical condition that caused her to have a massive stroke and pas away positive humble great mother wife she didn t deserve it no one doe i suppose in any case i wish i could have taken one for the team and taken her place she wanted to be here i don t anymore it s not fair i very rarely find joy in anything anymore kid wife family excluded i should be and want to be okay not happy or content it s just not there sorry just venting thank you for listening,1
so i m om an anti depressant and i feel it work somewhat i ve tried many others that just don t i ll be ok for a while just ok not cured or anything then ill hit these pit where i can t find joy in anything not even doing stuff with my kid like i just wan na lay in bed all day type of depression and idk what to do i do struggle with substance abuse and i know that s a big part in it i just didn t wan na get too into detail about it here i m so stuck i feel like i m in a funk and just wan na get out i ve struggled with substance abuse for a few year now which ha just worsened my depression honestly,1
the absolute gal of some fucking people i don t know about the rest of you but i post in r suicide and this page to cope with my negative feeling and emotion it ha helped me a lot this past year and it ha helped me be more open about it in general it s good to read other people s experience and know you are not alone and then this person decided to ask to speak with me and then go on to invalidate and minimize my feeling because surprise they have a fucking saviour complex these space are meant for u to express what we can t normally say to the rest of the world and there s nothing wrong with that we are allowed to experience sadness suicidal ideation loneliness if that make you uncomfortable that in you motherfucker don t sit there and tell me you want to help me and hear me but start the conversation off by saying everyone ha stress your only there s option how dare you invalidate my experience because you don t want me to be sad bitch i have a fucking therapist for a reason i come to this platform to here thing like me too or i feel the same way or your not alone not uhh don t be sad cuz i don t like that holy shit doe anyone else relate to this how people just won t let you be sad cuz it make them uncomfortable if your uncomfortable imagine how i feel imma be sad today motherfucker,1
tldr fck this i m out i can t fcking do this i m tired of myself why do i feel like this i would ask for help but it s not worth it at this point i give up i should be at the happiest point in my life i have more friend than ever before that love me i ve been out of a really toxic abusive friendship for month now i don t know i m tired i m done all my grade are good but rapidly slipping i worry everyone i m around my entire family think i m suicidal and they re fcking right although they just think it because of my shitty humour they keep telling me to drop they only hear the half of it my friend are the one who are extremely worried even though i think it might be bc of my joke too i m not sure if this is a rant or a cry for help because i have a beam in my room thats perfect for a noose and a letter and i ve spent since december finding a date that won t f up anyone s bday or special event early april it wa gon na be early this month but my friend ha invited me to a convention and tbh that s the only reason i m here i didn t want to mess it up for them because they seemed really exited and i really love them and although i ve come to term with leaving them i know it ll take them a while i m not sure why i m writing this help advice idk i just feel like i m at the point of no return,1
i m 9 and feel lonely and empty from inside i grew up having no friend i did get a great group of friend but then they ended up just using me and then leaving me like trash so i just roam alone most of the time all empty from inside i can t even talk to my parent about it a they expect me to be happy which i can t but i have to for them so that they don t get worried about me i just want friend some true one i also realise that u trust people way too easily maybe i shouldn t sometimes i just wan na kill myself but then i think of my family and future and don t do it i wish i didn t exist,1
today i had an important college presentation to do but since last night i ve been so dead feel like with my brain my body ha also given up i have to pull myself together to even get out of bed i had to wake up early today and i did but i just couldn t leave my bed i wa cry so much the whole night for no specific reason i decided not to go and explained my partner that i won t make it i told them how i wa feeling funnily they re my best friend who were doing the presentation w me one of them said i didn t have the ball to just say it straight to their face that i just don t want to go because i m being lazy or whatever it hurt me so much how do i explain this to them it make me feel like i m good for nothing i feel like a piece of shit for not doing thing i should be doing everyday it keep on getting worse for me i tried therapy but it just expensive and doesn t work for me plus i always have this stress of spending so much on therapy being a student if this is how it going to be like then i don t even wan na carry on lmao i d rather just kill myself but i can t do that also because i m such a coward and always think about the consequence of my action and how other people would have to deal w it the shame that my parent will have to face i have so much fear and anxiety it so difficult to survive,1
my memory s fading i m losing weight i don t sleep sex feel hollow i have no motivation to do anything and i frequently think about death i ve been seeing these symptom in myself on and off again for the past few year but never really put them together until now i attributed the weight loss to a study i read stating that just thinking about working out can have benefit despite not actually working out i never really thought of it a a symptom i just saw it a a positive slightly inexplicable development in my life i think i read that i have passive intrusive thought or something like that essentially i think about what it would be like if i wa dead but not about how i would want to die or anything like that the reason for it wa always lost on me i just learned to live with it my sleep issue motivation issue and lack of sexual pleasure have always been present so i never really thought twice about them i thought the memory loss wa due to my rare and infrequent use of recreational psychedelics when i connected all of these together i spent about 0 minute just trying to remember what i had for dinner last night which i found fairly upsetting a up until my teenage year i had an immaculate memory i d still consider myself happy at least to the extent that i ve always known but the symptom are there nevertheless and i m just finding the whole thing quite strange,1
this always fucking happens i don t want to be sad i m a happy person this happens to me a few time a year and it s unbearable i don t want to die but this really hurt randomly and i hate it i promise i m not a sad person,1
last week at a family st patrick s day party i got drunk and took the rest of my antidepressant idk how much it wa but it wa at least more than half the bottle left i realized what i did wa stupid because there were kid around and i didn t want my little cousin seeing me od so i told my aunt and she took me to the er that wa thursday night i don t remember anything after getting to the er i wa completely out of it and i didn t wake up until saturday morning i wish i didn t survive and i ve been in the hospital since then because there aren t any bed available for outpatient program i m just waiting for a bed i don t want to go to a psych ward i ve already been admitted other time for suicidal ideation this wa my first time attempting i don t think life is worth living and i don t mean that for just me i think for anyone life is so fucking mundane and pointless i don t want to do any of it i don t want to live so i can work and pay bill for the rest of my life what s the point in that and none of the people that i genuinely care about have reached out to me that know i od d which break my fucking heart it s like they don t even care i ve been so depressed for so long i don t want to fight anymore and i don t think it s fair for people to ask me stay when they know i m suffering i ve given up already i don t think i ll ever get my will to live again i m literally dead inside and i have nothing to live for,1
some of you on this sub probably have this a well i m about to be 9 and i have been depressed since i wa a child it ha taken away my ability to make friend be a functional human being and live a normal life i ve never felt wanted because i wasn t my narcissistic family wasn t of any help so i moved in with my boyfriend approximately a year ago i regret everything i have no support i m a disgrace to my family all i want to do is lay in bed and just stay there and the worst thing is i can t just kill myself or my boyfriend will be emotionally ruined i don t understand why i got into a relationship i m so selfish if it wasn t for him i would ve thrown myself off of an overpass a while ago i feel like i m going insane i want to die but i can t actually do it myself because of guilt fear so i m kinda just there trying to do what people expect of me,1
i have a friend at work that i ve been confiding in for the last couple week we both are experiencing depression and suicidal ideation over the last several year she seemed like someone who ha everything together in a sense that she ha a gridiron exterior great career very positive attitude and i come to learn she s barely hanging on in my struggle with depression she ha been my most interesting and welcomed member of my support network i m also working at getting my former bos now my director back into my network my current bos add to the depression quite a bit but having a network of people to connect with is truly a blessing my point is that there are so many wonderful people and sometimes you expect the least expected to be your strongest ally stay strong and make today the best you can practice self care exercise is therapy therapy is therapy and be a reason someone release the stigma that depression is for the weak but that the strongest have to survive the self destruct mechanism in your brain just learn to manage it,1
i don t care about therapy school work friend music clothes anything i don t even card enough to eat i don t care to shower or to get up i simply lack energy to care i hate this world my therapist say i should try and do thing i enjoy or atleast keep up with my room but nah i don t care to i m not doing anything anymore,1
i have been pretty down for the last few year and i felt mentally stuck in a limbo it is like i can t move back but i can t move forward i have just been surviving for the past few year but now it s like i can t physically move i don t feel like studying or even getting up and i don t know how to get over it it come and go but sometimes it come at really bad time i wish i could get over this part,1
hello i am i had been very reluctant to admit i wa depressed but it s very hard to hide at this point plus who am i kidding apparently it written over my face for people who have known me for a while it really hurt me when people ask how are you i can not tell if they are just being cordial or they truly care i assume the former for them and respond i am good okay but every time i say i am good i feel slightly sadder because i know that is not the case i want to speak about this to friend but i do not really feel close to any friend anymore i moved country so this could be a contributing factor so here i am on reddit i have attended university twice now and already going to have a delay on this degree which mean another year of my life wasted to chasing a degree 9 i have been very disconnected from friend over the last two year and have felt like i am in a prison because i have mostly spoken extensively to just two people over last two year maybe this is because i am extroverted i do not recognise myself anymore i used to be so positive and strong mentally but a lot of negative thinking and bad thought have engulfed me for a while now i used to be very funny and enjoyed joking around but thats vanished these day i used to be very athletic and worked very hard to get lean after antipsychotic made me gain weight but now i am starting to put some weight back on because i have been using unhealthy food to cope these day my mind is flooded with so much negative thought pattern it s becoming too exhausting and i can barely study despite my best effort and knowing final are next week mostly quit social medium especially instagram because all it make me do is compare myself to others and reminds me of how unaccomplished i feel and the older i get the more i start to fear that i might actually go nowhere and how it might be better to die young and full of potential than a wasted life will i get back to how i once wa before my mental health went to shit is there a way out for good i have tried therapy but didn t work my last therapist told me she doesn t know why i am depressed because i am very good looking smart likeable and said to cheer up like it wa that simple,1
i don t know if i have depression anymore a few year ago i wa convinced i did since i didn t have much joy left in my hobby game or many show and i know when this thing all started back in primary school i m in uk there wa this autistic kid named patrick he appeared nice at the beginning but i had a bad feeling about him i felt bad that i did since he wa autistic and back then i wa told that you should never judge someone because of appearance or disability for that i wanted to be his friend along with everyone else after a few day of trying i realised why i had the bad feeling it turned out that patrick wa a bully and he always called me name and pushed me and hit me every time i wa even near him and of course i went to a teacher guess what they did drumroll nothing they said he couldn t help it because he wa autistic this went on for a year after a year of this the other boy in the class joined in and called me name and i only had friend through all of this let call one b and the other l when i wa hanging out with b she offered a sweet they had one of and i wa thankful for her kindness the next day b told l that i stole it from her and i now lost my only friend another year of this and still nothing but i had one friend we ll call her m m wa a girl i liked i matured fast after a while of hanging out with m i asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes month of more bullying but being with m i wa sad about not having friend but happy that i wa with m m slowly stopped hanging out with me and soon enough she started hanging out with b month later me and m were over m wa always talking to b i talked to no one i stopped going outside apart from school whenever m asked me to come outside i never said yes anymore i just sunk myself into a rabbit hole of youtube video p game and especially fortnite when it wa popular after summer holiday i went back to school and i gave up on making friend or doing work that year i always got mad whenever someone insulted me and i walked out of the classroom still teacher did nothing they actually called my carers and said i might have autism or anger issue absolutely ignoring the fact i wa being bullied right in front of them it definitely didn t help that the teacher for our class wa always on the girl side and soon enough i felt like i wanted to murder some of my classmate and i forgot to mention that i became friend with one of the boy that bullied me last year but he didn t really talk to me much after i started reading news story about depression abuse treatment of kid mental health etc and i came to the conclusion that adult couldn t help in this situation so i had to stop my anger before it even started i tried to stop sleeping because i thought if i wa tired enough my brain would be to weak to show emotion i soon enough had no friend didn t get much sleep didn t go outside apart from school and that s only through the course of and a half year primary i decided i wa gon na better myself and actually do my work i got to level in subject i talked to my friend more i became friend with m again after m and b had a fight they stopped being friend so in that year the teacher were the true problem and patrick of course let s call teacher one c and no d d wa the one i hated the most d intentionally made fun of the fact my dad left my mother when i wa born d also heard patrick call me name and hit me and breathe in my face multiple time i burst out of the room and went outside then d found me and acted like he didn t know what happened the deliberately said get back inside or i ll call your dad that made me so angry that i shouted right in his face and i went back inside angrily patrick still annoyed me and still teacher ignored it after covid erupted we went off school and it wa great skip to primary and patrick finally started getting in trouble by one teacher only teacher c after a while of him actually getting in trouble he came up with a plan he decided to tell teacher c to go home and kill themself and when it happened teacher c went out with watering eye and the head teacher came in and said to him patrick that s not nice don t say it again teacher c still got him in trouble and he gave up on stopping her nothing much happened that year he still bullied me but i tuned all of it out since i couldn t care anymore nor could i get angry anymore all my anger wa used up now i m in s and people call me emo just because of my long fringe no one want to be friend with me everyone annoys me for no reason most of my primary school friend are no longer talking to me i gave up do i have depression,1
im recently got fired from my job unfairly that i absolutely loved i ve spent the last month trying to apply for job but only wanting to apply to thing that sparked my interest which were slim to none i applied to position with my favourite clothing company and wa really excited about the opportunity and after over a month of interview i have been turned down for both they say that my skill and qualification dont align with the job however if anything im extremely qualified maybe over qualified for both i ve been having a really hard time mentally recently and this is the cherry on top i went to school for fashion and only got a diploma i dont know what to do from here im feeling extremely discouraged and down about myself almost like im literally not good enough for anything it feel like my life is going no where ill live at home with my parent forever and im just gon na rot away i really dont know what to do i seriously feel like im going no where in life im not qualified for anything really in my field they all require diploma do i just work random job for the rest of my life and feel even worse just so i can have some sort of income,1
i m tired depressed and can t go through this alone anymore i haven t been kind to myself i ve taken a pill because i don t want to stay awake even though it s really early can you leave me a comment so that i won t wake up to zero notification maybe something to make me get out of the bed a little easier,1
nobody like me all my friend are asshole and just make fun of me isk if they think it s cool or something but it s really annoying i m thinking of dropping them i m fat and annoying my grandfather in the hospital and my family is a complete mess i have no faith for anything and the only thing keeping me alive is a concert i m not gon na hurt myself just suck being this way yk so much more going on but i only wan na talk about the loneliness right now,1
m and i did what i wanted to in life grew up poor got an education make ton of money hit the top of ladder in a respect profession and i m not happy i m not rich but money isn t a a big a concern a it used to be i have a job i like sometimes but the reality of it are physically and mentally destroying i have good friend and am finding myself making more a i go but i m miserable completely miserable i wa told that you become successful you work hard and have good moral invest in your friend develop hobby and fulfillment and happiness come a a by product but when in the actual fuck doe this fullfillent and happiness come,1
so a couple month ago i finally had the courage to tell my girlfriend i wa cutting myself we ve since broken up but that doesn t matter too much she expressed her sympathy but then abruptly got up to go to the bathroom i wa concerned but she told me not to follow because this wa at school and i wouldn t be allowed so i trusted that her bladder just had terrible timing so i waited after a couple minute go by i start to get worried and that s when the teacher tell me that she found her cry in the bathroom and sent her to the counsellor office and i should go check on her i go to find her and she tell me that she had a panic attack because she ha trauma related to self harm i m obviously concerned for her but at the same time i m so angry she didn t even tell me anything wa wrong we talk for a bit and cry a lot but then the counsellor say they want to talk to her and i should get back to my class so i go back to class and i have to pretend that everything s ok that i haven t been experiencing the lowest point of my mental health ever and i have to go through it alone eventually she come back but only to grab her thing she tell me she s going home because she already had a bad morning and that it s not my fault all i wanted wa for someone to be there for me and the only person i could talk to just left i can t talk to counsellor because i m terrified of what would happen if my parent found out this happened month ago and i m still so angry at this i don t even talk to her anymore but i don t know how to deal with this,1
legitimate question i m not trying to be close minded or anything i got referred to a therapy clinic by a friend of mine and i have been doing weekly session for a month now i don t feel any better and to be honest i kind of dread my therapy session because they leave me feeling even more helpless and empty i think my therapist isn t the best phd student in training but i feel so bad saying that since i know she s there to help me people have told me to change therapist but jesus christ i can t bring myself to do it because i feel bad i put myself in her shoe i honestly don t know if i m being impatient about all this since i ve heard therapy take many session to help at all anyways i went to therapy because i wa fed up with life after dealing with anxiety and depression symptom for year and i wanted to take my friend s advice also my depression symptom have been worse even though my qol ha been better overall i let my therapist know that nothing triggered my depressive episode this time around and that my mind is just painfully empty feel like someone is constricting my brain and i feel lethargic all the time but all she doe is ask what do you mean by that sorry if i m writing too much in one post but i heard therapist aren t supposed to give advice so what exactly can she do for me she doe cbt sometimes like when i told her that everyone in the room judge me for the way i walk and talk to which she say who told you that are you sure you re not judging them first which doe make my question myself slightly but that s all nothing that i can actively implement to help me counter those thought but then again i have no idea what i m supposed to take from my session and would appreciate your guy feedback any experience you want to share amp x 00b edit sorry wanted to clear up that i haven t been formally diagnosed with anything so i m not 00 sure if i had a depressive episode i had to ask my therapist to refer me to a psychiatrist didn t seem like she wa going to since i wanted a proper assesment,1
i m on this team project and the project manager is super toxic i constantly feel like i am a burden and that i have to pretend to be working every morning there is stand up and i have a mental breakdown because i haven t done anything i have started seeing my therapist again but i just don t know what to do about this i honestly feel like i have to quit my job but i don t have another job i am totally screwed with no way out,1
my adult child with depression is very challenging to deal with i realize that she ha depression but she refuse to get a job amp expects u to pay for her living expense in an apartment when we bring it up she cut u off i feel bad because i know doing new thing can be difficult especially for someone with depression and anxiety but i can not afford to pay for my daughter s apartment and my apartment she is finished with school in august with a college degree i offered for her to move into my apartment but she won t now she isn t talking to me because of asking her to get a job but i m still paying for everything because i dont know what else to do,1
i fell pain on my left chest and on my left back when i looking for an answer on google i feel it s a symptom of heart disease my mother also ha this and a far a i know heart disease can be inherited i didn t dare to go to the doctor because in our family there is a saying that say it s better not to know,1
i feel so sad and lonely so i am a student at a university now i am an international student and i came to this country last year i am kind of shy and always chose to keep the feeling to myself than speak out there wa one girl in my class that i liked she wa smart and intelligent rather than anything romantic i thought we could be friend but i did not approach her till the end of the semester on one of the final day i wa like i can t always be scared to express so i went upto her and asked her contact detail we talked a bit and she asked if i wan na go for a movie we went the next week and it wa fun it wa a good to have a friend in a foreign country we went out a few time after that a well then she had covid and i tried to give her some advice and said that i wa stifling her even though i had just told her to take care of herself the next day she said that she ha issue that she need to sort out and want space being a friend i didn t understand what issue or what did i do but i did not message her a week later she message me back in a good mood and say that let s watch something and we watch a movie at her home i cook for her at her place and i think she enjoyed a well she doe some painting and showed me those so i asked are these just for you and then she said that she shared it on instagram by her pseudonym and feel good when her internet friend appreciate it i did not read too much into what internet friend meant day later i wa scrolling through instagram when it occurred to me to look her painting up so i searched her pseudonym and found that it wa a public profile and saw that she had posted a painting i like it so i messaged her on whatsapp where we usually chatted that hey i saw your painting and what i liked about it something flipped her off and she said that her internet persona is different than the real life persona and what i did wa a big mistake and she doe not want to talk anymore i wa like i did not about this internet persona thing and you had said you shared it with your friend but if it is that big an issue i am sorry and will not look at your painting and then she wa so rude she said that it wa the last chance she gave me but me explaining why i looked wa too much i did not respond anything a i wa so hurt i did not even do anything bad or something to intentionally hurt her i did not message her anything for week i did not look at her whatsapp i just tried to forget her around day ago in a moment of weakness i searched her name and see that she ha blocked me on whatsapp i didn t even do anything after she said all that i got very depressed and wrote her a long message on text this wa the message hello please read this that is my only request yesterday i had tried to message you on whatsapp asking how you were and saw that you have blocked me you can block me here and everywhere else a well after this i just want you to read what wa in my mind when we were talking from the day we had started talking i do not know what all bad thing you think about me but atleast from my side i had always wanted to be a good friend and never had any bad thought i had fun on each of our meeting i have been continuously thinking for the last month what did i do wrong a you never told me and just shut me off maybe these were the reason i don t even know i can t even think properly i thought that we were very alike i honestly thought we could be good friend two introvert who want to be better at their craft and helping each other out through tough school again i do not know what all notion you had about my intention but i did not want to be more than friend if you ever felt that way i am a new guy in this country there are many thing i have not even understood here having a relationship or a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind i don t even have friend here to share stuff so i never wanted anything more than just being friend who could help each other whenever they needed or share thing about life course maybe take some advice on what to do in certain aspect of life thing that normal friend do and maybe i wa selfish to have looked for that friend in you you had said that i did not deserve to be a friend the last time we talked there ha not been a day when i did not think what did i do wrong that i am not even worth a friendship i think that i had probably messaged you more than what you wanted a a friend i don t know you never told me that i thought everything wa normal whenever something came to my mind or i watched some video that i liked on youtube i used to send it to you i think i should not have done that and maybe you didn t like that i just did that because i wanted to share thing with you that i admired so that those thing may bring happiness to you a well the other reason wa that i looked at your painting on instagram i am sorry that i looked at your instagram profile to appreciate your painting i did not have any wrong intention i wa just curious and had thought you would like it a you had said that you like it when your friend appreciate your art i wa not aware of internet persona being different from real life persona i am not a bad person i just wanted to be a friend and someone you could trust i am not writing this to you for any response or for being friend because i don t think i have any respect in your eye and i have lost much of my self respect in my own eye after how many time i have tried to apologize honestly for last week i didn t even look for you on whatsapp a it wa soul crushing to read how you had said that i blew the chance of being a friend and i think it is best that you do not respond to me a i can not feel more pathetic and worse about myself trying to mend the bridge which never even existed i just want to say that i am sorry if i ever hurt you or made you feel bad i always wanted to be good and make you happy a a friend i never had any malice or any bad intention i never wanted to be someone who you despise this much i am just sorry and i will be really grateful if you could just let me know what i did i texted her this and and then she texted back don t say if own up to your mistake and now she will block me in text a well i am not even sure what i did and i feel depressed lonely and sad i have never felt like this,1
hi i am male i used to have a very emotional side but for the last year or so i am not able to feel sad especially for others sympathy i used to cry when my best friend cried to me about her break up but now i couldn t shed a single tear during my grandfather death i hated the feeling did i stop loving my grandfather even then why didn t i feel sad when i saw my mother cry she is the first person i don t want to see cry off late i feel it s affecting my friendship a well just to be clear it s not a overall numbness i still feel happiness anger and other emotion but this is really frustrating especially when i am getting into a relationship for the first time in my life i keep questioning my love for people i keep asking myself if i can t feel sad for them do i really love them,1
i m at a very weird place in my life right now i m a year old male in college i m failing my college class a i have no motivation to do well in them i have a very poor relationship with my parent and family the one organization in my college that i m extremely involved with ha cut tie with me over accusation that are not true i have a leadership role in this organization and being a leader in the organization with no prior experience ha brought me a ton of hater and people that just want to see my downfall i literally have no future a i m supposed to graduate this semester and get a job but i am nowhere near both i can t pursue my real passion and to top it all of and what really might put me over the edge is problem with this woman in my life we met through this organization that i wa talking about earlier in this text a a captain i have my own committee of people that i oversee and she wa one of my committee member the first time we hung out in october she took me out to a bar after i turned it wa just me and her we quickly started to develop this really cool friendship where d we hangout and talk almost daily a a young man hopeless in love i started to develop feeling but nothing crazy because i almost always saw her a a best friend first and i m sure she felt the same way then we were at a bar about a month ago she wa talking to some guy at the bar and i wa having a funny conversation with my friend but i could see from the corner of my eye that she wa talking to this man and that s when i first started feeling these feeling of jealousy but i could tell she wa looking at me too talking to my friend and she came to me and we embraced and i hugged her almost all night had my arm around her and everything and she had her hand over mine too and we just kept feeling each other this wa the first time we ever moved into this phase of our friendship and i think we both felt something brewing in our heart for one another a few day went by and i wa out yet again talking to this other chick i met at the bar and we ended up almost hooking up back at my place but i couldn t go through with it because all i could think about wa my best friend who i really liked i m an introvert at heart and will always keep my feeling inside because i m scared to tell people how i feel and i suppress those feeling but literally the next day after this hookup that didn t happen i wa at a friend s st birthday party and got hammered myself and i had this urge of wanting to tell my best friend how i truly felt about her and that s exactly what i did it wa a thursday night she always go to this one specific club on thursday night so i ditched my friend and went to that club to see her and it literally played out like a romantic film she wa the first person i saw when i walked in and went up to her and for the first time in my life i poured my heart out to her and told her how i felt about her and how she make me feel and at first she wa shocked and then she said she felt the same way and we kissed for a long time at this moment i wa on cloud 9 i had never had a girlfriend before had never been in a relationship before but in this moment it wa just me and her against the world and i loved it we started to head back to my apartment but the alcohol wa kicking in for me and i passed out once i got back to my apartment i woke up the next day and saw her heel on the floor but she wa nowhere to be found so i texted her and told her that i wa sorry for passing out from the alcohol but i meant every word i told her last night she didn t text me back till later that day and she said that she wa thinking about it all day and night and she didn t want to fuck up our friendship a it s one of the few good thing in her life right now and i totally get that wa i disappointed hearing this yeah of course i wa but i texted her back saying that we can talk about this in person another time but for right now enjoy your weekend the next day we saw each other at a party and i talked to her outside and told her that i d rather say we tried to make it work and it didn t rather than not giving u a chance at all and she never gave me a clear answer she texted me later that night saying that she needed a break and some time to think so i said okay a few day later we had our last committee meeting and it wa so awkward cause we hadn t talked before and we were on this so called break and after the meeting ended she immediately left even though she usually wait for me i got a text from her later that night around am saying that this letter i wrote for everyone on my committee wa very sweet and cute and i asked her how long this break should last and she said she wasn t sure a she didn t want me to think that she wa leading me on which i thought she wa doing so we hopped on this facetime call and had a really nice long conversation about all the stuff we had to catch up on and then after an hour i switched the topic back to our relationship and she basically said that she didn t feel the same way i wa so hurt when she said this because all the sign pointed to her liking me too and i really felt like i knew what her heart wa saying we both went to sleep cry that night for each other the next day i sent her a text this time saying that i do need some space to figure thing out and we can talk after spring break so for the next week we didn t talk she didn t view my story like any of my social medium post and just simply didn t communicate with each other and it wa one of the worst thing for me to go through a she wa someone i really looked forward to talking to and to not be able to do that just sucked the sunday before we came back to college i texted her and asked if she d be down to hangout that first week we got back and she said she wa down to do so and i wa so happy because it felt like i wa getting my friend back again but then a few day later she angrily text me asking if i told anyone that we hooked up which isn t true and i told her that i didn t which is true there were rumor going around about u from people that saw u hangout a lot that saw u embrace at the bar that saw u kiss at the club and saw u walk back to my apartment together so people could only assume that we were a thing and i kept telling her that but she wasn t having it she facetimed me saying that she regretted ever kissing me she didn t want to be friend anymore and all this shit i wa extremely hurt hearing this and just wanted my friend back and wanted to forget ever opening up my feeling for her so i sent her a really long text explaining that i never said anything that i really cared about her and just wanted my best friend back she responded by saying that she appreciated me reaching out and that she wa over the situation and that she s not ready to move forward with me and doesn t think our friendship will ever be the same so i texted her this morning and i said i get it and if there wa any way we could meet in person and just talk she responded back by saying that she s potentially open to it but not now maybe next week so i said i just genuinely need someone to talk to but i understand her the last text she sent me wa i don t think i can be that person for you anymore i m sorry i am heartbroken devastated and hopeless angry at myself angry at this world and i just want to leave i have no direction in life no one to turn to anymore and i just want to end it all a soon a possible,1
f 0 i m feeling very lonely i need someone to talk to,1
idk what the fuck is wrong with me i can t fucking learn it feel so painful i can t concentrate i eat so much sweet until i want to vomit i m extremely depressed i can t do anything it hurt so much to be alive every day is so fucking painful to get through i want it to end so bad i m in a fucking nightmare i feel like a retard i can t ask for help i really don t know how i will get through anything i m at home all the time i have to join a university and learn but it feel like walking through fire wtf can i do i have appointment with psychiatrist but i feel like i should be in a fucking hospital fuck i want to fucking tell my mother but i fucking don t know what can i say i don t know how can i help myself i wish i had an easy way to kill myself i don t even know if anything can fix me,1
i cant put the feeling i feel into word im stuck in an endless cycle of dopamine consumption all i do is work school scroll i have no hobby no interest nothing brings me joy but i dont have the motivation to actually do anything i think im depressed but i dont want to go back into therapy psychiatry because im tired of feeling like a patient even writing this is tiring and i cant thinj of how i could describe my conditon my dad tell me he s proud of me for doing basic thing like showering or going to school everyone s expectation of me went from sky high to so so very low in a matter of 0 year i hate it i dont know where i went im just empty now,1
i shower and wash my hair naturally curly so it s a whole routine do my skin care routine and feel good for a day or two then i just don t even want to do it again i stop washing my hair for a week or two i completely stop taking care of my skin i fall off my routine until i get that motivation back to do it again i m getting so tired of this i miss how soft and fluffy my hair feel after washing it i miss how clean and soft my face feel after exfoliating moisturizing i wish i could do this everyday but i just fall off i get so depressed and watch my hair and skin turn into exactly how i feel for the past few day now i haven t even been able to get out of bed i lay there wanting to do thing but i just don t get up it feel like there s so much weight on top of me just holding me down the only one good thing i did yesterday wa getting up to wash the dish i like celebrating the smaller thing but i m kinda getting tired of that i wish i didn t have to i wish i wa functioning like everyone else i wish living didn t feel like such a chore i seriously wish i could give my life to someone who want to live this out anyone else probably would ve made better choice to get out of my situation and much earlier too i feel so useless if anyone s got tip for the getting back into routine thing please throw anything you ve got at me thank you for reading,1
i m sorry sometimes i don t feel much i wish i did i wish i wa better for you i wish i could always try my hardest and make thing better i wish i wasn t bad i d do anything to make myself better for you i m sorry i ve cried more than i d like and felt a lot lately i wish i could feel a lot a lot of the time i truly am sorry,1
fuck everything i m done,1
i m and i ve wished i wa dead for the last two year of my life i pushed away all of my friend who could understand what i m going through i m failing all my class because all of my motivation and hope is drained i don t feel like i can tell anyone what i m really going through i had all the making of a perfect childhood i wa smart i had friend and i had a good family with enough money to live in a nice suburban neighborhood i threw all of it away because suddenly i didn t feel wanted any longer i don t know what to do anymore the thing ive used to cope are slowly being taken away in the hope my grade will rise i ve become emotionally numb to everything around me i don t think i ll ever find love because of how quiet and secluded i ve become i ve stopped trying to make thing better in my life i just needed to get some of this out so thanks,1
so in the next chapter of wanting to kill myself the psychiatrist changed my medication and a a result i am currently prescribed these two new bad boy ha anyone had any luck with them,1
i am finally checking myself into the hospital for suicidal ideation i don t think they will be able to help me but at least i will be safe and not a risk to anyone else i am pretty scared it will be the end of my marriage maybe of my job i put this off for a long time but i am not safe i wish so badly i had never been born,1
well hello everyone i m in a bit of a crossroad in life i m year and currently in my rd year of law school but i will have to repeat it probably again because of slacking off it all started during the pandemic when university switched to online mode i slowly slided into video game addiction and eventually depression i got very behind on my study and nearly forgot the thing i learned in the past now that uni ha started to have live lesson my body and my mind are still living in pandemic lockdown mode i go to part time work in retail to sustain myself but other than that i choose to skip class almost entirely i started being afraid of university itself lost all interest before the pandemic i wa very keen on my study every time i look any of my friend up i get a panic attack cause i feel like life is moving on and i m stuck between these dormitory wall cause basically all my peer from high school have graduated or are other way succesful in their life already have purchased home of their own etc i m in this limbo for year now last week i kind of had a mental breakdown i don t know if it wa a side effect of the rabies vaccine i took not so long ago cause the doctor told me to avoid any alcohol stressing for at least a month i dont drink at all but stress alot about my past and the future but after the so called mental breakdown i decided enough is enough and it s time to part way with my study i called up a relative of mine that would vouch for me in a job interview for a international cargo transportation company and let me try out a a intern sale manager tought this could be a interesting choice for me cause i speak language of them very common i live in europe but i m now in the last step of leaving uni almost got all affair in order and went to in my mind to the last chess practice in the evening i m also an avid chess player been playing all my life and after the training session i discussed my plan with my chess coach which opinion i value very much told about how i feel and he urged me to stay my main point wa that i m not progressing in life and he motivated that i ll get through this and that he know many people who spent 0 year until they have finished university that he would help me anyway he can ect and walking from practice i had a chat with some colleague from the chess club on my way home just about casual stuff and it hit me that i don t want to leave this place these people and want to persue the dream diploma and when i entered my dorm room it hit me again the same place with the same room mate who i have seen for the last year who i admit is a bad influence cause he gave up on his study long ago ha a full time semi dead end job and spends his off day playing video game all day so before going to bed i jumped on my laptop created a reddit account and started writting this text sorry that it is kind of a mess cause i m just typing my heart out i suspect also that i m kind of a bipolar guy cause of constant mood swing between motyvation and helplesness also possible add but never diagnosed never considered psych evaluation an option cause it could disqualify me from numerous position in law sphere of employment my parent suggest i change my living location from the dormitory and rent a private room somewhere in town a of this moment i have conflicting thought about trying to get out of this mess by finishing what i have started or just leaving everything after year and starting new without a degree i feel atached to this place but i also im sure it s killing me regard a depressed law student,1
i will always be a loser and nothing can change it if i become a billionaire if i date the most beautiful woman i will always be a sad loser it doesn t matter woman will always see me a an inferior person even if they like me,1
i ll try to keep it a short a possible for the past year i have been struggling with frequent wave of deep depression lasting for day or week but at the same time i have time where im just ok dont have any self esteem issue self image issue and etc so in the end all im trying to figure out if this is normal or if it a type of depression though i couldnt find anything similar to it or bipolar disorder which also seems somewhat unlikely because i never have manic or extremly energetic episode i just want to know if what im dealing with so ill have a clearer idea about how to act further,1
i finally have something to look forward to im starting a garden with my mom and she s putting me in charge of keeping all of the plant healthy im really looking forward to this and i hope this will help me slowly get better,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
i m wa waiting in the clinic waiting for my turn then a young woman who seemed happy came in and sat next to me a couple of minute later we started talking it wa le than a month since my first visit i thought that after a month or two i will be the same person a i wa before some event that i don t want to mention here mainly because it s unrelated to my main question in this post but a couple of minute later that thought seemed to be a wish because the mentioned lady said she had been visited by countless doctor and it is year that she is suffering from depression i wa frightened and wondering if someday i realize year have passed and i m also still trying to recover my mental health since that day i have seen some people out there who are under treatment for year or are treatment resistant are they special patient or it is true about everyone how do i know if i ll ever be cured and if so how long doe it take it scare me if i have to live with it for the rest of my life hence i m asking if any hope is there,1
i have not felt normal in month i have not had a day in month my chest hasn t felt like it wa compressing on itself or a day that my heart doesn t thud through my chest i tried to figure myself out i tried to use resource but it so fucking hard to reach out when you feel like shit i attempted via shrooms to figure it out fucking stupid to some people i know half my trip wa good half i shook trapping myself into a corner a my jaw clenched the next day i felt great like i conquered something i told a friend that i didn t want to die i want to live two day later i am screaming in my room pissed off i hate myself i am actually going to go buy some fucking razor because my huge knife is dull it never going to end is it this fucking demonic shit will never leave me and it make me feel so horrible the dread of any task the feeling no one really want you there the anxiety you get when you talk to much about something your passionate about i can feel when someone distance themselves and they just did now my brain go a million mile an hour wondering what the fuck is wrong with me i no longer will trust anyone i can t take the feeling of it being able to end in disaster i hate my life i hate how i hurt people and can t fix them i hate how i stared in the mirror tripping ball but did not feel scared or mad or terrified i looked at a broken man trying to reach out and help the man i saw the stranger,1
i wan na start by saying i feel like i have nothing left i m and i have no money broken car bad job abusive toxic friend i m so mentally broken i can t hold onto companionship i need attention from the people i love and i go crazy mentally when i m alone i ve finally reached the point where i can t think straight anymore i let my friend who i deeply loved and thought wa close with me take advantage of me and massively hurt me to a point where i m getting trauma because of the situation i got attached online to a bunch of people who wanted to care about me and told me that they loved me only for me to send selfies and their entire mood change i feel like a monster i m so filled with rage and bitterness and sadness the thing i take enjoyment in make me mad i constantly check my one friend status every min and see her happy with others and rage just shoot over me the thing they did to me affected me so much mentally and it s making me insane i can t cope anymore i need someone new i need this pain to lessen before i go crazy what do i do please someone tell me,1
sometimes my life seems great and i tend to blow off my emotion to make myself feel better about my current situation right after graduating college with honor i suddenly wa hit the truth about adulthood expectation weren t suddenly brought up to my face and if i wanted to improve it wa completely up to myself if i wanted to reach it yet i wa complacent i started drinking heavily since i couldn t depend on weed anymore due to my job search which lead to me getting arrested for a dwi which resulted in me getting fired from my job 000 dollar later i met a woman that made me happy with who i wa and what i stood for and i m about to start a job at a national bank more recently we ve started getting into fight and she want me to get mad at her but i start falling in a self pity party and instead of getting mad at her i tell myself i deserve every bit of anger coming out of her i cower and just want thing to start getting better emotionally and don t know how to get there,1
i am currently a senior at a prestigious college i worked really hard in high school to get there living a a lower middle class kid going to a high school that provided terrible education i never needed a pill or therapy or anything until my first breakup and my first year of college something shifted immediately suddenly i wa depressed i didn t have any plan for the future and i still don t over the year i used validation from sex with men social status and a crippling shopping addiction to deal and it ha been in and out but always there i started going on medication in college i am currently on anti depressant and vyvanse a i can no longer find any energy to do a single thing if i don t take it i hate it it make me even more miserable and my mood swing worse but hey at least i can get out of bed seeing my friend have the energy to go out on weekend them getting prestigious job being put together and looking at myself who ha no job lined up my partner is amazing but doesn t love me and i am in a shit ton of financial debt from personal debt like credit card to school loan i really lost any drive i had i ve been unhappy the whole time i ve been here for the past year it is absolutely fucking exhausting living like this my brain is always caught in negative thought loop i am so stressed that my neck and upper back are in pain i use kratom and other anxiety relief to cope my mood swing are horrible and even just fucking talking myself down every single day is so tiring i can t do this anymore i hate myself so much i hate my life i hate my diseased brain nothing help i m not even a good person a lot of the time knowing that i have to deal with this mental illness while working my entire life is too much to bear sometimes i am so angry i hit my head against the wall and hit myself with my hand i have so much anger and rage inside of me that never go away i don t even feel capable of learning anymore i am convinced my brain can no longer retain information and that i m just fucking stupid and worthless i want to die i really really can t take it much longer,1
i m tired of trying to be happy i m tired of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after how many half glass is it acceptable to see them a half empty literally i have so much to say and i can t say a word small rant pardon my sudden lapse,1
i had to take my dad off life support in september my mom almost died my mom ha abandoned me more time than i can count her and her bf of 0 year and a few other relative have been so abusive to me i m on disability and i m trying to find my first job at i get interview but no job yet i really only have one friend but i think he s trying to distance himself from me i m trying to save up for a car so i can drive to work when i get a job all of this is stressful i ve always felt like a bird in a tiny cage with it wing clipped my depression is coming back and i have a habit of isolating myself from all communication and i m feeling the urge to do it again i need advice on so many thing how to improve life how to manage my depression and mental stuff all advice welcome,1
i don t know how i feel my mind is a mess and feeling are confusing i have no idea what i m doing or how to get better or if i m even getting better but i don t know anything and this probably make no sense but i just needed to vent a little,1
so i wa on my way home from the gym and i noticed this guy wa driving in the middle of the road i thought by time i got to him he would have gotten over but he didn t i swerved out of the way at the last second but i hesitated and wa almost ready to just accept my fate is this normal,1
i feel like i m going to go in a bad place mentally i keep trying to rationalize i can t control what others do but i can control what i think and how i behave it s hard the last time my anxiety wa this bad i ended up in the er i don t want to get that bad again but it s so hard i hate my mind i know that this anxiety is just going to put me into a deep depression,1
so i ve been browsing this sub for a while don t have much to do today so i figured i might a well vent on here i guess to introduce myself i m currently and just recently left the active duty army to attend college on an rotc scholarship about month ago prior to that i wa deployed to afghanistan for about 0 month it s almost hard to even recall the person i used to be back then i wa so mentally strong and confident in myself and my purpose ironically despite working hour day seven day a week under constant threat of getting blown up i can t remember a time when i wa better off mentally like nothing in the world could stop me a i had a plan and wa going to stick with it and if i did end up getting murked i wa just fine with that too i stayed pretty safe for the most part although i did have a pretty close call with a rocket that landed in a ditch on the hill below the building i worked in it obviously scared the ever living fuck out of me and everyone else but after like 0 minute we were all laughing about how close that one wa and how if only the stupid guy had aimed higher he would have got u the whole affair really only strengthened my resolve and made the return home that much better getting back to the state wa probably the best moment of my life even if it wa right in the middle of covid lol i don t want to sound like i m trying to flex my great strength or anything i m just trying to describe who i wa then to who am i now a they aren t even remotely the same person problem started to arise for me around month after getting back after the novelty of being back home wore off i started to experience this weird sense of dissociation and depressive episode that would sometimes last for an hour to a day and then i would suddenly snap back to what i considered a normal state of mind these normally entailed feeling of hopelessness and dread like something in my head just wasn t ticking right and when it came to social situation it wa like i wa operating on a different frequency than everyone else like i could hear and understand them but there wa no emotion behind the word it wa distracting but manageable at that point and i just chalked it up to being burned out at work and figured once i got off active duty and into college thing would greatly improve fast forward to the first semester of college and unfortunately thing have not gone a i imagined in term of school and finance i m doing fine and everything is going according to plan externally but internally i seem to be slowly degrading bit by bit the depressive episode became more intense to the point where i would physically lock up tighten my muscle grind my teeth and it feel like my head is throbbing from all the negative thought it is nearly impossible to sleep in this state thanks to the extreme anxiety but then i would wake up the next morning and feel fine barely being able to remember how i felt the night before the cycle never stopped though and then the thought of well if you just ended it this wouldn t be a problem anymore started to kick in and that s when it really started to snowball downhill fast at this point in time it feel like i m in this depressive state nearly all the time it s only a matter of how bad it s going to be today the dissociative feeling have been cranked up to and conversation just feel like emotionless formality i can no longer connect with friend and family the way i used to like i said earlier it s like we re not on the same frequency if that make any sense the thought of suicide are ever present and feel like a big red emergency eject button begging to be pressed the only escape from these feeling are partying drug and alcohol which are great temporarily but eventually everyone go back to their life you sober up and reality slap you in the face even harder than it did last time i ve also developed a very odd fear of human intimacy that i really can t explain for instance i m a virgin which is a huge insecurity of mine and pretty embarrassing i know i always figured when i m in college i ll meet plenty of woman so there s no need to be insecure about it however i ve had several instance where woman have come onto me and i m totally comfortable with the conversation and flirty talk but once it get physical even just them grabbing me it trigger this instant fear and panic response and i make up an excuse and leave in a manic state then beat myself up for the next week about how much of a pussy i am this is honestly one of the major contributor to my broken self image a couple of week ago i randomly started bawling in my car for over an hour and honestly don t even remember why i m not eating much anymore maybe only like one meal a day and my cognitive performance motivation ha declined significantly my sleep schedule is a total mess i ll either sleep for hour and wake up from nightmare in cold sweat or sleep for and not want to get out of bed and face reality what really prompted me to post this though wa that last week i got really drunk and ended up putting a gun to my head without even thinking about it and then i realized what i wa doing that s when i kind of told myself holy shit man this is real and something is very wrong with you i need some kind of help i know but if i m diagnosed with any kind of mental health condition i ll lose my scholarship and i ve just worked too damn hard for it i ve openly told some of my close friend and family directly that i m having suicidal thought but the response is always oh c mon man your way too strong for that or you re just in a slump right now it ll pas a much a i appreciate having people who care for me and appreciate the sentiment it doesn t do much to alleviate anything i feel like i wa never meant to live this long and that that rocket wa supposed to kill me that day but i m living in some kind of an alternate reality where i survived and nothing make sense anymore at least then i could have died strong and confident rather than broken i had a friend who wa killed over there and honestly i wish i could trade place with him he deserves this life more than i do sorry i turned this into an essay but it feel good to get this out of my head for once if you read this long i hope you can relate or at least get something out of it and thank you finally i ll leave you with a song i ve been listening to on repeat for the past week lmao http www youtube com watch v ksjrcczo,1
exactly year ago my mental health went down hill drastically i felt alone sad and unloved also adding up to that what i start realising now a very strange circle of friend one year after that nothing really changed and there were some point where it got even worse but then everything started to change i started hanging out with my people again even tho they did nothing for me when i wa at my lowest but who care my grade where decent and i started to get happy again most importantly i meat my now girlfriend which is a whole other story that s the thing that s going around my head most of the time atm but now i have been in quarantine for day and everything fall apart i can t stop thinking about stuff that make me sad everything overwhelmes me and my head hurt from thinking maybe you can call it voice but i m not sure if i make that up causo of the fact i have a high risk for schizophrenia it s am right now and i can t sleep maybe someone would like to text a bit that s what i did very often in the past dark time anyway thx for reading this,1
i feel there is nobody in my life besides my direct family the last few year have been a process of self isolation and i don t know why up until a few week ago i wa relatively okay i don t know if my medication ha stopped working or if it s just all hitting me at once now but i feel terrible i literally go to coffee shop just for the social interaction with the cash register i need friend but don t know where to find them even though i m comfortable in social situation i ve never been so alone this is a plea anybody whether you are suffering or not please reach out to me if you want to talk about anything,1
im tempted to choose death not through a bullet through my head or a rope or some pill but through starvation to test and see if my desire to die really is stronger than my carnal will to live to finally feel alive in my body a i weaken day by day and feel myself shrivel and decay just like how this depression ha been eating away at my mind i want it to symbolically show to be eating away at my body and to die gracefully paper delicate skin and bone lay over the ground carelessly wrapped in a blanket to be kissed by death to know i have a set amount of day left to live the people around me will be alarmed a i visibly start to die before their eye then ill finally see who care for me to atleast experience what it would feel like to not be obese once in my life,1
i m a ci straight white guy with a good education and a decent job yet still i can t stop this incredibly self hatred i can t stop feeling so pathetic and desperate and worthless i should be so grateful for all the luck i ve been given but not doing so only fuel my self hatred even more i don t know if this is relatable and i don t know if this is just further compounding how shitty it is of me to be fortunate and still hate myself,1
this person mean the world to me so this hurt more than i can ever describe from what they have told me they haven t really struggled with mental illness so how do i make them understand,1
why cant it just fucking stop the pain is just too much sometimes all i wan na say is im sorry to the people i really care about i feel like a bad person who need to change and get better but i dont wan na do it for me i wan na do it for them im sorry i dont know whats wrong with me i really dont and it genuinely scare me maybe i should get help this is a wake up call ig fuck,1
i wa texting my friend about something going on in life i wrote a fucking paragraph about it and how s it making me feel and what not and i got word back i m here for you the thing is i said i don t even think there s a point and she said whatever i can t help just go away i ficking hate people when they need me im always there but when i need them i m just a fucking burden but whatever i m a fucking idiot every time i need someone they are not here for me but anytime someone need me i am wtf did i do,1
i wa always considered lazy by my friend and teacher growing up i never did the chore around the house or clean my room now im and i realise im just like my father he ha no friend he sleep all day except of when he is working he drink every night he never go out except of work and grocery he doesnt care about his appearance or hygiene my mom and sister always despised him and they have been mean to him because he doesnt do anything around the house and now they started treating me badly too my sister look at me with disgust they compare to my fater to insult me the truth is im extremly lazy i sometimes skip school because im too lazy to shower get up early in the morning and get dressed and all that stuff if i dont leave the house i dont even brush my teeth or shower my room is a mess and it doesnt really bother me that much it s just that im ashamed being disgusting doesnt bother me is that okay oh and i sit in bed all day i do study for school so i dont fail but i do it from my bed the thing is i am not lazy enough to eat i actually eat too much i do wish i would die sometimes but i think it is because i dont really enjoy anything except of being online all the time i am just too lazy to do anything else i dont know i might just be mentally lazy throwaway because i dont want anyone to see that on my main and thank you if u have read this far,1
i never really noticed or i guess wa aware of my depression until a few year ago when i really started losing motivation and interest in my hobby i am a full time university student who work job and right now this depression ha taken a peak i live alone in a bedroom apartment with my dog my living situation is shit but it s not shit my apartment management renovating the entire building so i have drilling throughout the day which suck cause i work night and midnight so when i do need to sleep i can t i want to move out but i can t because i m literally paying cheaper than a bachelor s apartment anywhere else then there s school i don t even know why i m in school at this point i had a plan and dream for myself in high school and honestly my parent ruined that for me when i took my year off and chose to stay home just so i could move out they really made sure to make me feel like shit which just made me feel like shit throughout the four year of me being in university i m supposed to be graduating in spring and i wa stupid enough to go home during the reading week which created a huge confrontation between my mother and i which my dad got involved soon after and it went downhill from there i ended up leaving early and honestly after coming back from my parent house it s like my depression went on a downward spiral i used to have a little motivation to at least do the basic thing to help myself but i literally can t bring myself to do anything schoolwork is a drag and make me hate everyone one job i work at is completely great but i have had so many bad experience with being used by employer and fake employee that i m so pessimistic when i get there and i completely separate myself from other employee my second job is even worse because while i don t want to communicate in my first job my second job no one speaks english like literally the entire store is all people from another country it s kind of ridiculous because training is non existent i literally would be standing around if it wasn t for me having past experience working in the same kind of field the employee turnover is ridiculous and the supervisor when they can communicate to me only complain about how they are only working there so because of their visa but once they are full citizen they leave the hour go by so long and working in complete silence frustrating to the point where i had to start wearing earphone while i work and listen to music anyways after typing all of this i know i won t read it over so sorry for any mistake or thing that aren t clear i think honestly i m just too pessimistic and making excuse for myself but this feeling i have in me and the way everything in life is just so upsetting the breakdown and all the fucking cry like i m so over it and i just want to either be content or at least have some kind of method to get through all of this i m so exhausted and i feel like i keep getting the short end of the stick every time,1
a i continue to learn about myself i feel so much of my depression stem from my personality temperance soul not designed to handle how our world frame itself i am nearing and my life is not going well nor ha it really ever full of trauma isolation depression confusion and anxiety never really worked at a real job when i wa younger i really never understood the idea that you get more comfortable with yourself a you grow older but for me it ha been true i have completely ignored who i am and all of the advice out there is geared towards let s call them person x x is data driven meticulous go from point a to point b in a line disciplined in their specific smart goal way craft category to understand and a lot more if you are an advice hound like me you have seen this person because nearly every piece of advice out there is built for x for you to succeed you must be smart goal oriented you must love the grind of this pattern dominated process you need to do it our way a this is the process i am not x i should have realized tho year ago a even when i play video game i couldn t stand tutorial i d skip all this winded text and i tried to brute force my way through intuition i am more fluid more random while i am constantly thinking and i am thought oriented i feel my thinking process is not quite a category pattern dominate i am best when i do not overthink when i shutdown my ego mind and just go do of course here in the u we have western value people will tell me to get over it this grind is the only way and that this is human nature maybe they re right but believing they re right ha failed me for year right now i am trying to break into a new field copywritig and i am horrified this field is completely dominated by x these tutorial are full of x way of thinking maybe i need to be x to do well in it this post wa sparked by a video that wa explaining the structure of a sale letter i think there wa 0 point thst you need to hit for a successful one which petrified and overwhelmed me btw copywriter think ai will never touch them but the more i learn about how pattern dominated sale is this is the perfect place for automation i mean right now a an example i am seeing a constant assault of people saying to hand write note and comment to active read these sale letter that are important problem is i don t read if i take note note taking is too bothersome it take me away from the text and my thinking of the text note taking for me is a seperate task not an extension of my thinking yet i am told i will fail if i do not do this process that i can not actively read and engage without this i don t know maybe it s true they always say study show this but they never cite the study so who fucking know seriously marketing and copywriting is full of people saying study show x but no citation i literally spend all my energy on just starting when i take note that i usually only read a page or two before giving up i know just grit and grind but i have never been able to but if i just read i can indeed read and get through the text i am not sure how i can do well in this new field or any field really i just don t feel built for it but i am sick of trying to find a field to get into i need to get my life moving i barely know how i work a i have constantly been pushing my o self into an x hole that i have never bothered to see how i function but maybe the x are correct i must be them in order to do really well in life i don t know but i hope i am not the only one that feel like this,1
not sure if my adhd is on a slump or what but i have nothing i m really interested in right now and then the thing i wa doing also lost my interest so in a desperate attempt to stay occupied i tried some of my old game that i realized i lost the skill to play so then come the rage quit and now for the staring at the ceiling contemplating if this is a normal thing my depression or even just life being cruel i wish i could just enjoy something again,1
i m so tired of this i don t even know where to start so i ll just say what come up out of the top of my head a i write this i came here so that i could vent about some college related stuff at the beginning of the semester i decided to enroll in class to pick up the pace and get on schedule to graduate i wasn t necessarily looking forward to it but i wasn t regretting it either until now that is since the start of the semester i ve been feeling like i just can t pay attention i find all my class to be extremely uninteresting and i don t even take note every week is just a struggle to get through it without any prep time for the next one i swear there hasn t been one week where i don t have any homework all five of my class have already given the first partial exam later than usual and a expected they were all essentially at the same time it wasn t until this week that all the result came back and obviously it wasn t pretty so for the first partial exam out of all five i got f s in of them a c pretty proud of it actually and a b i know that perhaps i haven t been trying my hardest since i really don t pay attention in class i watch the recording and study for them later but i wa devastated regardless i spent countless hour studying for them only to see failure hit my liver i have so little energy that i can t even cry about how i failed the first exam of of my class i ve been so stressed out that a rash started popping up in my neck and chest i ve never been failing this hard in my life and frankly i m scared i can t show my true emotion because i don t want anyone to worry and i can t talk to my therapist because of the time my study consume at the end of the day all i feel is anxiety and the despair of having to repeat class and be even further behind schedule for graduation,1
feeling embarrassed about taking time off from work for grief depression i just recently lost a loved one about week ago and although the grief shock and mourning ha subsided i m now dealing with some depressive symptom that are making it a bit challenging to perform at work i tried to go back after only a week and i didn t do so well so my manager advised i take the rest of this week off to deal with thing and then come back next week i work in mental health so i have a very understanding workplace but i just feel so embarrassed about this a i m a graduate in a new job concerned people are talking about me worried about all that i m missing out on whilst taking this time off worried that it look bad on my behalf i m just feeling very ashamed atm even though it s not my fault i explained to my manager what i m going through e g depression lowered capacity to function and i feel embarrassed even about that just being so vulnerable feel very odd if anyone ha any similar story please let me know,1
hi i m year old student who s moving abroad for university i moved when i wa 9 the first year wa super exciting and everything is going better than ever but since i started the real university i wa 0 y o everything is crashing down for me i don t have any spirit or willingness to study make friend or even do everyday job i always sleep and just do nothing else i changed my major once and changed to my favorite major but still i can do nothing i m always tired i feel like i m a useless potato who s just wasting everybody s time i only did exam in the span of year i can t concentrate at all i miss my old self i used to be the top student since i wa a kid and i don t know why am i like this right now my uni is a mess i have no friend and i don t even have the energy to try to fix those what should i do drop out isn t an option for me doe anybody have any suggestion thank you and sorry for my bad english english isn t my first language,1
life is so fucked human are so fucked and cruel and hedonistic and trash and mean and disgusting humanity deserves to die out a a specie so this planet and the animal that get constantly fucked by u can finally have their rest,1
hello my life is a rollycoster 0 year ago i married a wonderful man he wa everything to me im from spain and i met him in a navy base he wa a usmarine we had a baby girl in 00 and moved to camp pendleton i wa so happy in our house with our baby well one day told me that he wa going to irak so i wa so sad scared depressed and proud i spent all the time cry waiting for his letter and thanks god he came back home safe but he wa not mu husband anymore he wa a different man stress anger yelling all the time i spent 0 year trying to help him but even the cop came home and the cop told him that he had a wonderful wife and he wa going to lose me and that wa when my dad died i took my kid back to spain and a new life well year after that a met a man he wa olfer than me but i feel in love and now im stuck my now husband for year treat really bad my kid and me not phisically but mentally he is just i had a breast cancer year ago my exhusband wa there for me still have a good relation with him he is my best friend and now with depression sad anxiety and feel just love for my kid and i cant leave because it will look bad in my family and because finantially a cant go anywhere so i think i wont be happy and live this live well sorry i need to get this out of my heart i think with time i will be stronger because after the cancer treatment im just so tired depressed fatigue,1
it doesn t help that they just split up meaning it s harder to spend time with them know i have many year left with them but i m only 9 they re amp 0 but i can see them ageing physically they re slowing down and all i want is to freeze time it hurt my heart,1
every second i m awake is like a nightmare i want to wake up from except it s real life it s real life and i feel trapped in my head i like being asleep i like being shut away from the earth i wish i could sleep forever i hate life,1
got graded e for three of my lesson and it triggered something in me it reminded me of how much a worthless degenerate that i am i m so fucking stressed out i never normally let it get to me but this year last year of school it ha started to hurt me on top of that my rib mostly center part arm and back all fucking hurt it s not even an ache there s this physical pain that hurt and it make me feel weak and even more depressed,1
this is kind of a weird question this week ha been kind of low and slow life turned into a little more greyscale and i can feel an imminent depressive episode coming to say hey but i don t wan na do that right now i need to be focused right now on school for the near future and it s absolutely the worst time to sulk in my bed every day i know this is a fruitless attempt anyways but how do i block this episode out before my mind shuts down how do i recharge my battery before it even run out fuck you depression fuck you,1
i ve always been told that student life is the best time of your life i want to laugh i live it a the worst my friend are all stressed and depressed by their situation overall i feel that people are afraid to talk to each other in person and prefer network and dating apps people are desperately looking for themselves they re going to school and they don t like it i feel like my generation is massively sad and lost in many way i m is it just me or is that you have the same feeling,1
i ve been on zoloft for about week now and i m starting to feel uncomfortably neutral i usually dissociate in different way often feeling like i m in a dream but this feel like a different type of dream it just feel so off like i can t tell if it s a dream or not i m missing my normal suicidal absolutely miserable messed up self i ve been on antidepressant so far in my life and none have significantly helped me i feel like they re doing nothing but mushing my brain and making my vision worse i spoke to my doctor today planning to just get off of them entirely i ended up staying on them though a he said that me feeling neutral is a good thing he also said they shouldn t mess with my vision even though i ve seen ton of people say they can i don t understand why there only seem to be two option be extremely miserable and want to kill myself constantly and feel a billion other weird negative indescribable thing or take pill constantly feel absolutely nothing struggle to make sense of anything that s going on a if my mind is just completely blank and miss the other option i wish i could be one of the people that are genuinely happy and have reason behind it i can t make reason nothing about myself or the future matter to me and i can t convince myself otherwise i could still die right now and it would be whatever i just don t care about anything because i can t feel anything right now i just wouldn t want my family or friend to experience that that s still my only reason even now if i didn t have the worry of my family and friend grieving the death of me i d kill myself so i suppose i miss the constant presence of my suicidal thought but the desire is still there it s like there s an itch under my skin that i can t scratch and a ticklish discomfort in my chest i don t understand the feeling but i just miss the thought part of me think that it s only a matter of time before they come back and part of me is afraid that they never will it s so bizarre that you can practically become addicted to it perhaps it is the comfort of the consistency that i love and the change and uncertainty of what s to come that is so frightening to me that sound incorrect though a i just don t care about my future i just feel extra scared and disconnected in this current state of mind though i still want to stop existing to stop feeling this way i feel indifferent to the idea of suicide it feel le enticing but so doe absolutely everything in life i miss the enticement of suicide that i normally feel i want to want to kill myself i want to think about it constantly and that make me feel guilty it make me feel like all of these year i ve just been selfish subconsciously doing thing only for attention and that i m continuing to do exactly that however i know i ve not an emotional abusive relationship and genetics just messed me up i guess i have no idea i missed the abuse too before i started missing the consistency of my suicidal thought now i just feel indifferent to everything about her i don t know i m writing and deleting a good bit of stuff i constantly feel like nothing i m saying is even accurate i just don t know what s going on i just feel like i m in a white void mentally i apologize for my rambling and lack of structure in this post i hope this can at least bring some comfort to anyone out there who may be feeling something similar in any way,1
hi i m an yr old guy from germany i had a quite good childhood exept that i wa bullied my low class in school and didn t have any friend now i have quite many friend and a good place to work but anytime i am alone i overthink everything and that make me sad my friend say that i am one of the happiest and funniest person they know but when i am alone it s the complete different i worry about my friendship my loved one and my family and that i am not good for this world i mean i am nice to everyone and try to make everyone happy but the most don t give back anything and i can t be mean to them and ignore them because my heart won t let me that make me think a lot i think i really need a person that i can talk to when i am sad and lonely,1
during my therapy session today my therapist mentioned that when people struggle with depression it often affect their perception and decision making in dating i do not personally struggle with depression but i recently dated someone who doe i wa wondering how often doe depression affect your perception and decision making when it come to dating,1
after month of not feeling well i dont recognize myself my skin is ghostly the texture of my face is bad along with breakout and other gross stuff my hair is gross and my body is just so mushy and gross now unhealthy food comfort me sm tho how can i maintain beauty body care with way le effort,1
hello people i feeling today sad because i cry about my family we do not talk much it is not that fun to grow in a family like that because i wish we communicate more about feeling thought experience and many more thing i wish i can understand myself and express my feeling to the world sometimes i feel like a strange and think what i thought and feel is wrong i do not like that my parent and grandma always criticies me what i have to do and what is wrong and right they had father died 0 year ago suicied this aggression voice that let me feel stupid and childish i scare sometimes to say what i think because they will be aggressive in a physicil and psychic way it like they do not want to understand who i am im nobody it suck and thats the reason i want to write it here down because i do not want to hide myself i do not want be alone in this world i want to be a part in this society now im cry i want to be huge and to be listend i want to cry and say what i do not like i want to be like who i have to be i want to explore the world and myself i do not want do thing that i doesnt like why ha the world feeling have to be this way why i have to suffer like this i think people who ha depression need more attention because they suffer to much in this world thx for reading maybe u want to say something or not bye,1
it s coming back i m sinking again i can t do anything in life i have superior study yet i can not get a job i have friend and a girlfriend but i still feel lonely because they are busy and i have nothing to do i m all alone with my thought and i ve been for too long it s all coming back again i even feel suicidal again they promised u a happy life if we put enough effort where the fuck is my happy life my job my own house the joy fuck them all i wan na burn the fucking world down and then end myself,1
bliss peace rest ease solidified finite,1
everything ha just been too much my job suck and i don t even make enough money to afford my rent my husband and i have had to go hungry while we wait for our paycheck which i might add are not nearly enough to get through the week i know i need to get a better job and this wasn t the greatest solution but i m tired of cry and it felt like a relapse when i did it but now i regret it because now someone is probably gon na say something and i m afraid people won t understand how i feel or just haul me off to a psych ward again,1
is there anyone here who managed to get out of depression if so how did you do it i got stupid lost my creativity and memory lost my energy just everything i am a useless piece of meat who can t even do the most basic thing this life is not worth living i don t want to spend my 0 like this where do i start and what are the thing i should do,1
it just hit me sadness is everywhere even when im happy it feel like im drowning in sadness,1
i know that sound weird but i wa talking to my therapist yesterday about how i usually don t realize i am in a bad place until i am out of it and look back at that time long story short we talked about getting better at recognizing it and today i have been feeling really down and sluggish and angry wa i depressed yesterday but just didn t realize it not sure if this ramble make sense but yeah i thought i wa fine yesterday now i am not even though nothing in my life changed,1
well the title say it all i ve decided to off myself after thursday im not sure how i m going to do it but i m tired of fighting for my life my in law kicked me out and i have to leave on or before the th of april i have no one and no where to go my husband refuse to get an apartment with me because he s not ready i have nothing good to look forward to and i know a soon a i move out he s probably gon na file for divorce so wtf is the point of being heartbroken and alone i m scared death is gon na hurt but it s what i have to do of course i m scared shitless but not being in pain anymore is better than surviving the worst,1
nice weather here where i live spent a few hour outside grocery shopping i just feel like shit again couple everywhere guy with girl i like young mother father carrying baby or pushing pram around most of which are either my age or younger i never had a girlfriend i find it so hard to even meet woman platonically i never wanted to be a childless man i only have a few friend but they don t want to do much i struggle to push myself to try new thing these day a everything i ever done in life wa a failure obstacle or a setback i really want to kill myself i have been suicidal for year now suffered with general anxiety and depression for almost 0 year either i stay in my flat and just not get triggered by the outside world i e seeing couple and young parent or i end it the latter sound more appealing,1
i don t have much of anyone that i can call a true friend and it can be very lonely at time i m looking to meet some people that i d be able to talk with about whatever,1
i am just one step from committing suicide there isn t much left that keep me alive but in reality i want to life i want to be happy but i can t do it anymore nothing ever change,1
i can t make friend because i m boring i can t socialize without offending someone unintentionally i have so many toxic way and view i m better off dead and not worrying about trying to fit in or be like by anyone anymore the more i try to get out and understand people the worse i feel it s been worse since hitting my 0 s,1
in their heart they say it okay to kill yourself at least you didn t become school shooter terrorist psychopath killer etc etc and become a nuisance to other people,1
had a psychiatrist appointment today she said she recommends lexapro to me but i am scared of the side affect and wether not ill gain lose weight if anyone in here is on lexapro could you please tell me what youve had a side affect and wether or not it worked for you thank you,1
i ve been in therapy a few month cbt he mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate at first it seemed to help a little but the larger issue i have won t stop bothering me i make good money and i m not bad looking at all but i have basically zero friend and i haven t been on a date in over 0 year im and i ve been thinking about suicide a lot but i obviously can t tell my therapist or he ll get me emergency petitioned im really not sure what to do my anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse i can barely get myself to eat most day let alone exercise or try to talk to someone,1
i need therapy and i finally fully acknowledge it i am an unemployment year old student in lebanon middle east not the u my parent are some old school arab folk that would never entertain the idea of me going to therapy and the fact that i could never share the real reason behind it only make thing harder and the possibility of them cooperating even more impossible thankfully i can figure out how to sneak to therapy behind their back and although i have it really hard money wise i could afford a mid to low budget therapist a long a it will get me anywhere it would be the absolute biggest financial burden ever but i guess i got ta heal my problem among a couple lesser one i am what would be best described a in my own word casually suicidal i have been for so long just wanting to die and although i have no intention to act on it it weighs a lot on you to be jealous out of all thing from people that die around you i am scared that talking about it to a therapist might make her have to break confidentiality another thing that i am worried about is that any therapist i d go to might not be okay with me because of my belief i am pretty certain that my nihilistic philosophy backed by my lack of religious belief would have to be talked about problem is that i live in a muslim community and in these community my perspective on religion isnt taken lightly what is your take your opinion and all of that sorry if the text is messy and all over the place i just wanted to journal and thought that i might use this opportunity to take someone s opinion a well,1
i ll be 9 tomorrow and i ve been depressed on and off all my life i wa diagnosed at with mdd with manic episode i started a relationship with a wonderful woman last august before i moved across the country and i moved back for her this past december she ended up leaving me in the middle of january because of my mental illness this bout of depression ha hit me the hardest not only am i dealing with my mental illness but i m also dealing with heartbreak it s been over two month since she left me and i ve been stuck in bed pretty much ever since i m medicated and doing cbt but i find it isn t helping the way it should i m moving back in with my parent next month to get my shit in order before tackling life again any tip from this community to help me get better,1
i feel so trapped and stuck i don t do anything all day long because i simply don t want to do anything period no goal or dream i don t want to be anything or have material thing like a house or car i just want to sleep i don t work or do anything productive everyday is the same and it just so boring being here and feeling like this i m not good enough for anything or anyone and everyone just ignores me anyways i have no friend never dated i hate how i look and it can t be changed i m lazy worthless hopeless i just can t take this anymore nothing work i think about suicide all the time i ve even looked up handgun but even then i need money and i m broke i just don t want to be here anymore knowing i m never going to be content and just a waste,1
not regularly but sometimes i experience an existential agony wash over me i am not special so i figure there are many others who feel like this hello fellow me s pre tldr maybe you can relate generally i am entirely alone with only exception being at work in an office environment and grocery shopping no friend per say the course of time swallowed those for year i had strived to achieve a normie appearance lifestyle to correct the year of abusive upbringing to my credit i am quite socially competent and financially self sufficient now but new acquaintance just don t click i figure most people have their circle worked out already and on my end i can t easily relate to inauthentic people there ha been positive relationship in my life where i experienced belonging but those each have ended negatively despite my at time to my detriment effort to make a relationship work disappointment fatigue ha accumulated to a point where i have unofficially given up my interest are vast yet spread far too thin i discover i veraciously learn about i try i fail i abandon this tends to be my cycle which additionally sediment guilt of failure rarely i will come across someone who ha those similar interest and is successfully branching into that field and i feel a kind of envy or i could have been like that feeling t h e n i remember that surviving in poisoned soil is hard enough let alone growing tall i expect a lot more of myself than wa logically possible given the circumstance in essence i can not determine if i am in a temporary plateau of development or if i am permanently stunted and will be in this grey area limbo for the rest of my day i take pride in being useful honest and finding answer and i think good karma ha gotten me a long way too hope you have a good day or better than mine atleast,1
i have a friend group at school yet i feel lonely and helpless i have anxiety and depression i ve always been a big guy 9 0 pound and i ve always been bullied for it i can t get a girlfriend because i m ugly and socially awkward i can t focus on school because i m always tired i can t talk to anyone about my feeling because i hate letting people into my bubble i miss the happy and innocent me at young age my mom left me with my grandma i hate to think what s gon na happen once she dy i hate myself i m ashamed of myself i wan na kill myself i m such a pussy i m afraid that god is real and i ll be punished i m afraid that when i die it will all be black and boring i don t know what s gon na happen if i do it if i fail straight to a hospital if my life doesn t get better i ll do it i hope if i do it i ll be reborn a someone normal and start over,1
like i the people i know would get very sad if i commited suicide they maybe wouldent what the fuck am i talking about i wa well i wa feeling good just a few day ago but like it wa painfull it wa better to just krep thinking negatively but that hurt too and i font know what i might do in the future i dont like it i font want anything the peeople in my class are just they feel like they are just stupid baby that somehow wa getting educated in my school i hate every one of them my mind is a mess i just want to talk about stuff i dont know what to do my plan to escape depression hasnt worked either i dont have any idea to what to do i dont whant to return to my old state of mind it is horrifiying but at the same time comfortable i wa realy desparate i batteked against deppresion with my weird thinking style and plan but i cant do it any more i dont ser amy bright future ahed of me i want to help people with deppresion but i cant even help my self i dont know if i want to die even tough i have friend i feel lonely and when some one say anything about lonileness or depression i just cant control myself i get so angry that if givven the chance i would tip their head off then i feel guilty at my self i dont know what the hell is going on i am sorry for wasting your time with this post i am realy sorry,1
that s just about it i m just too tired of myself i wish i wa strong like a lot of you are but i m just too weak to keep going after some thinking i think i m finally going towards my end but i don t feel scared actually i feel some peace i m not gon na do it today there s some thing i need to settle first but i think that s my last month in this place good luck everyone i wish only the best for all of you,1
tw suicide and self harm so about month ago i had a failed suicide attempt which resulted in my week stay at the psych ward at the time i wa enrolled a a full time student in my senior year when i came back from my hospital stay i found that my school had little to no accommodation so i fell incredibly behind on my work this led to me failing my first class ever prior to this my gpa wa above a and threw my projected graduation date off since then i started a new semester and i again find myself in danger of failing another class required for graduation i feel like my depression make it impossible to succeed in my class every day i have suicidal thought and i ve been cutting myself more than usual i don t know what my next move should be add another semester i still have class left after i fail the one i m currently in i feel like i just want to drop out or else i might legitimately kill myself before i graduate,1
hi reddit week ago i had an something like epileptic seizure nothing is diagnosed right now i ll have a meeting with a neurologist on friday all i think about it when i get my councious back people around me i live in a dormitory are terrified i love them and i don t want to see them like this i also see myself during seizure emergency doctor gave commend to take a video of me and it wa also so terrified me after everything got normal i don t want to inform my parent a well because they re far away from me in short i hate how i impact my loved one and don t want to inform any of them i just want to die at corner in peace,1
i ve had this discussion with many people irl including my therapist who said that is very specific to you and i wouldn t go around telling people that lmao when i imagine a world where i have to live forever or i have to follow the natural progression of my age until i die naturally it make me feel suffocated panicked and claustrophobic in my own body the fact is that even if we have lost control over every single thing in our life at least at the very minimum we have control over if that life exists or not i take great solace in the fact that my being on this earth everyday is solely by my choice because if i wanted to i could end it at any point of course i don t because i have people i d be hurting here and i have thing i suppose i need to accomplish before i die but i d be a very big liar if i sat here and said that i don t cope by reminding myself that there is a way out there s always a way out,1
hi everybody i m and have been suffering from depressing and full blown anxiety since i wa around year old i work at a supermarket and the work isn t physically demanding but my supervisor are just so negative about everything and everyone and every day when i come home my depression hit me harder and harder and i m back on the brink of being suicidal again i only work there because i have financial stability since i work hour a week i tried 0 hour a week but i couldn t i broke down cry and i have a fixed income and don t want to lose that stability i hope you are willing to take the time to read this and will be grateful for every tiny bit of support and my message are open for any of you mike,1
so we paid a company 000 to lift our house to fix the crooked floor they installed these pier yesterday and started lifting this morning about an hour later the guy come up and tell u they can t raise it more than an inch because the foundation started to crack turn out that stabilizing the house is guaranteed but lifting is not we re now paying back a 000 loan for work that accomplished nothing i m absolutely crushed and the depression anxiety is raging in me so hard i don t know if i can continue this is just another devastating failure in my miserable life i ve been struggling to keep it together for my wife and kid and this wa going to be a huge positive thing instead i don t know if i can go on even for them they re better off with this hapless fuckwad out of their life i may overdose on something so at least it will be an open casket at my funeral and my wife can just tell my kid daddy wa sick i wa already severely depressed and this is just the final blow,1
i feel a since covid hit my life turned upside down almost nothing brings joy anymore and nothing is interesting,1
for me my depression severity ha gotten worse a the year have gone by it seems that each year is collectively worse than the last i get a huge pain when i remember not how thing used to be but how i used to be 0 year ago if i could i would go back in time knowing i can t and that i m doomed to worse depression each year is almost too much to bear the whole it get better thing ha not proven true for my life and particular journey with ptsd i felt even better closer to my trauma time hasn t healed it even with year and year of different therapy the farther i get the worse i feel overall doe any one else have this feeling,1
i m f been struggling with depression for almost 0 yr i ve noticed that in recent year i ll have a or week long period of feeling so depressed i can hardly function followed by a few day or usually where i feel normal i m talking high energy normal appetite have a hard time sitting still easier to sleep thru the night etc just wondering if this happens to anyone else i don t think it s mania it just feel so drastically different from my usual depressed state,1
i had a pretty bad bought with my depression over the last year i walked out on two job because i just couldn t deal and i wa jobless on the couch for about month nothing really mattered and everything felt overwhelming and hopeless i started working again and while it s only been two week thing don t feel a hopeless i m trying my best to keep it that way i just wanted everyone to know that it really can get better i love you all and i m sorry if this doesn t help anyone but if it help just one person then i feel like it wa worth the time take care of each other and yourself,1
day of dental care showering skincare first thing in the morning i m actually proud of myself if i can do this for 0 day it ll become a habit adding a morning walk to this routine,1
something except talking to people about it i tried it and i regret it especially my parent i m not diagnosed but it s so painfully obvious at least for me i don t even know why i feel this way it s making me unable to do simple shit and everyone around me hate me because of it memory loss is annoying too i swear if this shit is permanent i will fucking lose it,1
i m just so disgusted by myself i don t want to do this anymore i hate myself so much and i can t stop thinking about blowing my brain out or taking all my medication when i get home from work in one year i ve ruined my life and future i fucking hate myself so much i feel like i m going to burst into flame i don t know how to live with this and after a year i ve realized i can t,1
i feel so alone all of the time i have a job where i get along great with coworkers however i have no genuine friend no one to hang out with i just spend time alone after awhile anxiety creep in i feel like i m trapped in a box and can t get out i tend to struggle a lot with moving forward in life and part of it is i feel i have no one by my side alone in the world,1
he always seemed happy we always fucked around and had a good time we always talked about thing that bothered u but he never showed any sign that he wa upset or depressed i still sit around thinking why and can never draw any conclusion that would make sense i m slowly coming out of the mental ditch but i handled it by stuffing a much alcohol in me a possible i m coming out if that ditch but it still bum me out i completely stopped taking care of myself and the house so i decided to clean up today because i just felt happier here is what a month of cope look like http imgur com a ce x there way more trash and beer can but i wa honestly too embarrassed to even show the rest glad to finally slowly be getting better,1
i have no direction my family is made up of very successful people i feel constant pressure to live up to their expectation but right now i could really give a fuck about school i m trying to sober up but it s so hard to do when i have school to deal with it just suck i just got on here to vent i just wan na lay in bed but then my anxiety is like you re going to fail x i just want this to be over fml,1
lately being dead sound perfect like i keep fucking up everything i can t keep a good job i can t get a job in my career i m stuck in call center where i m demeaned screamed at etc my current partner and i even though we love each other are rocky and say horrible thing to each other out of pain and anger some of his word really almost pushed me over the edge the last few day we may have a good life ahead of u but right now it doesn t seem like enough right now i can t stop hearing his horrible word hearing my ex horrible word too maybe he wa right maybe i just should,1
i just finished it a few minute ago i got it from the local pubic library after waiting for it for several week i think it make for something very motivational and might be helpful to lessen depression too i won t give away the ending and don t stop listening until after the library if you re getting board once you get that far you ll continue,1
so i live in a small country in asia in this country it s like if you love someone you get a bad reputation your mom or dad is shamed at school if their kid is caught dating someone who doe that and our phone are also being checked by the school to see if we disturb a girl or are in a relationship with them the parent here are like you can date after being married xd so yeah i am very annoyed and sad about the fact that i can t love someone cuz of these,1
i m 0 and i m reverting back to my year old self hahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahah fuck my life i hate everything i just want to not exist,1
hi i have been using efexor and rexapin for depression and anxiety for a while before medication i used to eat so i wouldn t die but right now i want to eat everything especially sweet and carbohydrate food how do you control weight while taking medication waiting for your advice,1
to preface i would like to apologize in advance for any posting informality this is my first reddit post i just graduated university in may of 0 and received a job at a global digital marketing agency agency life a a first job wa too emotionally taxing for my well being and gave me extremely bad performance anxiety i quit this job right before the start of 0 and have been looking for a job since i briefly had a job in february of 0 however a close friend of mine offed himself and i wa fired for taking time off to grieve due to this i started taking prozac and visiting a therapist once a week thing were going fine until i decided to drink on prozac one night and have a psychotic episode this episode caused me to get extremely aggressive towards my roommate for no reason i wa running down a list of accusation some true and some untrue however my girlfriend worried for the safety of my roommate decided to slap me in hope to end the episode terrible idea i know amp we have no history of domestic abuse this lead me into a meltdown where i called the cop trying to get her arrested for assault along with spewing false detail of thing that i wa hallucinating the cop soon realized i wa having an episode and luckily didn t press charge and talked me somewhat down from being aggressive once they left i packed up every item i own and drove hour to my family s house i don t remember anything until i wa almost finished packing my stuff i severely hurt my roommate and girlfriend i don t think about coming back because of how overwhelming the guilt will feel i m not sure what i should do and my brain is focusing on the permanent solution i guess the reason for this post is to ask for any advice or tip i didn t want to drone on regarding other incident so i ll leave a list below of what s happened in the past year cut off abusive parent experienced a few other meltdown due to work school stress lost a ton of friend due to self isolation took too many psychedelics which ha given me bad general anxiety wa arrested and impulsively moved halfway around the u before i wa ready to life for the past year ha gone continuously downhill for me i can t realistically see a way out of this,1
guy i think i will be soon dead idk how longer i can take it drug and alcohol dont work anymore it all became so pointless ive got left nihilism is actual realism and i cant fuxking take it i just wish i could fuxking get eaten up by some black hole or destroyed by supernova idc at this point anymore i just wish to be gone for good,1
sometimes i have strong emotion when i think about thing that happened in my life and how fcked up my life is since when i wa a kid till now and it seems that my life is ment to be doomed and sometimes i tell myself that i m tired of feeling emotion and i wish that i m completely numb to it sometimes i succeed to be emotionless to these feeling and sometimes it overwhelms me i m not sure what s wrong with me is it depression is it something else idk anymore,1
laying in bed bored decided to open some of my old playlist on spotify started to listen to some song that my ex sent me the one we used to listen together all night i haven t listened to these song or any song of the one i used to love since we broke up i don t know what made me dig up this pain also there s a playlist she made specially for me but i don t dare to open it it s like i just opened the pandora s box of sadness and depression,1
i have a pretty good life my husband is great we have our fight and stuff but overall he s amazing we have a nice apartment husband ha a job we have money for grocery and bill i m graduating college in may i think i ve got a good job lined up for after graduation my parent get on my nerve but they love and support me my sister is becoming a good friend a we have gotten older and not a annoying my in law don t really mess with u much anymore when they do it s nothing crazy but i still feel so sad all of the time i hate it i have no motivation i do stupid thing because i have no self control i just lay around any chance that i get i m not productive i just hate myself i m not a fit and i don t take care of myself anymore i have little desire to i just am wasting away then i get mad at myself because i shouldn t feel this way i have reason to be happy i m just not,1
im currently taking psych med zoloft buspar and lithium i also take topamax and gabapentin for chronic migraine but my psychiatrist like to consider all of these psych med even though the topamax and gabapentin and prescribed by my neurologist and i felt no difference in my mood when going on these med ive taken zoloft and buspar for over year and lithium for over year now amp x 00b i wa recently diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia by a sleep medicine doctor and they recommended me going on modafinil my primary doctor said this medication would probably help me a lot and i wa really looking forward to maybe having some energy again and doing something other than sleeping lol the sleep doctor wanted my psychiatrist to prescribe the modafinil but my psychiatrist almost gave me an ultimatum she pretty much said that if i go on the modafinil she want me to come off of one of the other med amp x 00b i told her if that wa the case then forget about it i really didn t want to risk my mood slipping again especially because it not like my mood is a 0 0 right now or anything it okay but i don t consider myself happy or cured she then compared me being on so many med i also take med for hypothyroidism and high cholesterol to watching someone smoke 0 pack of cigarette a day and how unhealthy it wa being on so many medication i guess im just confused and hurt i have been seeing her for probably year and she put me on the lithium but now she want to take something away i have voiced to her many many time that i do not feel comfortable doing this but she continues to bring it up and now it like she doesn t want to prescribe this other medication because im on other med amp x 00b i get that i am on a lot of medication but they all are for their own purpose anyone have any idea of how to move forward,1
doe someone feel the same i don t want to be alone with this feeling it s misery,1
my whole life i ve dealt with the trifecta of depression anxiety and ocd i wa always functional with all disorder clocking in at maybe a 0 depression always felt like more of a chemical thing it wa never situationally based anxiety amp ocd were usually health related hypochondria i guess anyways i never knew episode existed i always just hovered at the same baseline then in 0 i had a severe panic attack after smoking some potent weed it really shook me and it sent me into what i guess would be my first episode it wa my first time experiencing dissociation and it terrified me i wa in a constant state of panic for month at the time i had been on lexapro for year my gp wa ill equipped to deal with this so she recommended a new doc for med big mistake new doc decided i should quit taking lexapro and switch to zoloft which perhaps would have worked if she had done it correctly instead of cross tapering or weaning off lexapro she decided to have me stop taking lexapro cold turkey wait a month until it wa out of my system and then start zoloft going cold turkey off lex wa a nightmare of biblical proportion and sent me further into the most intense depression and anxiety i d ever experienced after a hospital visit they suggested an outpatient program i agreed and there they got me back on the lexapro after a few more long month thing evened out i returned to a manageable baseline although the depression wa a tad higher because i could no longer self medicate with weed the experience ruined weed for me would immediately send me into panic mode but still thing were going well fast forward to january 0 and suddenly out of the blue i wake up one day super depressed no appetite couldn t sleep at night i wa so confused my first episode had a clear and obvious trigger panic attack ill advised cold turkey med change i d never had something like this happen with no trigger that s when i started to dig deeper and found out that episode exist this time i had a doc i trust added remeron which wa awesome at first felt better than i had in year wa sleeping and eating great for about 0 day then splat all that went away back to square one and i even developed tinnitus from the remeron so i nixed the remeron and we decided to switch from lexapro a well but the right way this time i did a seamless cross taper to effexor i m on my th week of it went from 0 my last day on the lexapro wa last friday which wa the day i did the increase to 0 thing have improved slightly def not where i wan na be tho i now know that episode can last anywhere from day to month or longer so i m trying to be patient it s tough tho eventually i may have to decide whether to increase effexor again or augment with something else an aa perhaps not sure what i meant to accomplish with this wall of text but if you read it kudos to you i guess i just wanted to document this strange journey maybe you ve been through something similar or know someone who ha maybe you can offer advice which i d welcome either way i hope whoever is reading this is doing well and i wish you all the best of luck in this thing called life,1
i m so exhausted and i can t stop sleeping staying awake is a struggle i just feel like shit staying awake just make me want to sleep maybe i ll take a nap again,1
been depressed lately and it hurt like hell getting out of bad is a chore thought of non existence are a comfort silver lining i ve been completely disillusioned my ego ha been shattered i no longer pretend i m living a good life that i m happy that i m not lonely or that i am in any way special from now on it will be brutal honesty to myself and others which before i couldn t imagine i suck my life suck most people are much better than me in every way it is what it is i ll try to cope and do the best i can in this hard lonely existence i don t seem to be equipped to handle no more lie fight on brother and sister,1
i wa having fun earlier playing video game nothing on my mind but a soon a i stop i snap back to reality and think about her and what we used to be it s been like week of our breakup and day of no contact she say that there might not be another chance for u even in friendship i love her and idk what to do with the pain and guilt i have depression and anxiety on top of that and my therapist said that im feeling this way due to trauma of rejection i didnt have a good past a i wa taken away from my abusive parent at year old being with her made me feel normal like i didnt have these feeling but now that shes out of my life theyve come back but worse i dont know how to keep living the only thing keeping me alive are my current foster family and friend i feel so sad all the time,1
hi everyone my life s pretty difficult now i hate it i feel like i can t do nothing about it i ve been unemployed for about month i quit my job because it wa a hell hole literally a hell hole they treated me like shit it wa toxic i got physically and mentally sick but i kept pushing until the point were i physically couldn t get up in the morning so i quit i ve been battling health issue and depression ever since i quit my family and friend are shaming me and trying to force me to look for a job i m just not sure if i m ready i m too scared i think i wa traumatized from my past job i m just too scared to find a job and get hurt again like i said i ve still in physical pain and it s really hard to look for a job while you re hurting i ve been seeing a psychiatrist for the past month i ve gotten better but i m still too scared to look for a job any advice,1
my year relationship ended about a month ago for me it feel like it just happened yesterday every time i wake up i remember this person is no longer in my life i check my phone constantly throughout the day knowing there won t be message from them anymore i haven t accepted that it is over they were my first for everything it s hard right now because i m not working and sometimes i get a week break from school i ve had free time before but i haven t had free time without speaking to them constantly in year so i feel super lonely and i don t know what to do most of the day i spend in bed i wa diagnosed with depression about a week ago i have probably eaten le than 00 calorie a day for the past week which is just making the depression worse because there s no fuel in the tank sometimes le than that because i have no desire to eat i just feel nauseous i wa doing better somewhat until i decided to reach out to this person to confirm whether or not we could contact each other again and thinking we could possibly be friend in the future i got a message from this person about a week ago stating that it wa completely over a far a ever communicating with each other again and also my dog died so i lost the two thing i cared about the most all in the span of a month and long story short i harassed that person because i wanted them to talk to me i wanted to say goodbye properly and i wanted them to say goodbye properly because it didn t end well and i wanted to fix it i have always tried to fix thing and be perfect and never make mistake i just wanted to fix it i definitely made it way worse by spamming them i didn t mean to i have always tried to be a good person and do the right thing and treat people the right way and now i don t know who i am anymore i feel really really bad about it i would never actually do anything to hurt this person this person knew me more than anyone in my life ever ha i really didn t understand that what i wa doing wa harassment i thought if i messaged them enough they would understand me and talk to me but that wa not the case i tried to message them on multiple different platform and begged for them to speak to me most of the time i sent the message i wa in the middle of one of my panic attack or cry on the floor and sometimes i would try to reach out super late at night when the depression get the worse i would like to add that i ve never experienced heartbreak before and i ve never had anything this bad happen to me my mom s car accident affected me year ago but this wa a different kind of pain i even sent them money through a money transfer app just so i could send a message because i wa blocked on everything else i know that i m not okay but i don t know what to do or how to fix it it s worth noting that this person life very very far away so when the relationship ended i knew i d never see or hear from them again and i couldn t handle not having this person in my life we had talked messaged each other every single day for year and we had traveled to different place together over the last year my life ha always involved this person i don t know who i am without them the only time i m not in pain is when i m sleeping and even then i have dream about them but we are still together in those dream so when i wake up the realization is brutal i thought they were my soulmate and that we would be together forever and grow old together one day i think it s hard because i remember u promising to always be with each other and have each other to love each other forever i think i could maybe deal with the relationship ending but i can t let go of the promise we made and when i remember this person isn t in my life anymore it make me physically sick sometimes i get actual chest pain i m 0 and i don t think i m capable of loving someone else ever again i knew this person wa special from the moment i meant them i hesitated to ask them out because i knew there wa a possibility that relationship could end and i never wanted to have this person out of my life i wanted them to always be my friend and didn t want a relationship to possibly ruin that it did in the end anyways i lost my best friend not talking to them every day feel like a part of me is gone missing it doesn t feel right that we re not together anymore it feel like they died it feel like the universe isn t going right like it s not in alignment and this wasn t suppose to happen i don t think that we aren t suppose to be together it feel wrong they were suppose to come visit soon but now it s never going to happen i had already practiced how i wa going to show them how the shower work because everyone s work differently bought spare soap moved thing out of my room so it would be quieter at night for them planned the place we were going to go and thing we were going to do imagined u going to get food and sit in the car and talk how i wa going to show them new thing and comfort them during the long car drive the movie we were going to watch etc it s not happening anymore now i can t do any of those thing without breaking down how do i let this go and i definitely can never get on another plane again because i ve only ever been on plane to see them i wa at my happiest when i knew i wa on my way to them even though it usually took 9 hour total to get there i have deleted almost all our picture together but all the gift from them and their family are in my bottom dresser because i can t bring myself to get rid of them some of them were very special meaningful gift i wa there for christmas and i don t know what to do with them i don t feel like i m capable of throwing them away i am unable to open the dresser and look at them i feel like i m a bad person because this is not something i thought i would ever do i still love this person more than anything but i am going to go to therapy today so that i can work on moving on i can not do it myself i will never message them again but it s too late to take back everything i did and said i even said i hate them i wa so angry but i m incapable of hating this person even in my anger i could never hate this person i said it because i wa so hurt i wa told that i am going through grief i couldn t apologize because i m blocked on everything understandable so it s probably best that they leave me blocked for now because i m afraid that i will get angry sad again and say thing i don t mean or beg them to talk to me i also sent a letter to them where i said some thing when i wa angry but they won t receive that for week do you think they will ever forgive me one day for the harassment my intention weren t to scare them i needed to talk to them to stop the overwhelming sadness i thought that they still cared about me i think i wa begging them to still care i thought if i told them everything going wrong they would comfort me because our relationship had been so strong do you think that they will know that i m sorry am i a bad person for doing what i did,1
maybe is a defense mechanism idk but a few week ago i really tried all the fake it until you make it schtick for a few day it wa fine and people at work were impressed however soon i started to make mistake and i went overboard because now everyone is pointing out my flaw i wa a cry mess and i felt super weak and exposed today i reversed back to my usual you are worthless you really thought you could achieve something mental mantra and somehow i feel better it is like it feel better if i am the one saying it and not the others i feel so effed up for being relieved a i am now i really thought i wa getting better and believing in myself for a change but i guess i am not just built that way,1
no reason in life,1
last night i got high and drunk same time wow what a night but i wa alone usually i get really in my head when high and more depressed but i think the alcohol countered that anyway whats weird is i ve woken up today in a super positive mood my life situation ha not changed but i just see it differently i m alright with where i m at positive that i ll get where i need to i feel really optimistic and i m worried cause this is so sooo rare to me i m scared it will go away i haven t felt this happy in year but it s made me realise that happiness is not the absence of problem but it s the state of mind you have about your problem,1
only month ago around christmas my dad nearly died and wa in a coma for week my mum and brother were thrown into a depressive state whilst i tried so hard to get on with life and be strong for them only last month my relationship with my brother wa completely destroyed when my family confronted him after finding out he d stolen hundred from me and my parent i wa hurt and betrayed so badly but wa able to forgive him and try to move on even if he didn t feel the same way after fighting against all of the pain my life ha brought me through my family and relationship these past few month i finally started to feel like i wa making progress and becoming a better person for everyone in my life yesterday i woke up to a paragraph text message from my girlfriend of year telling me she didn t love me or want to be with me anymore and i ve finally caved in i m so sick of trying so hard to be strong every single time i resist another force come down on me i give up and i don t want to do this anymore she wa my comfort and best friend who i could go to for anything now i feel like i have nobody who understands me and nobody who want to listen which is why i m typing here because i m so lost and broken i will be so grateful for any kind word,1
hi i am 9m from india and i am currently going through a major crisis of my life my mother is a very abusive person she ha been physically abusing me since i wa i have burnt knife mark on my body which she called punishment she once threw me off the stair because i cracked two egg while bringing them home i have been subject to her verbal abuse since my birth i believe one of the incident which is still intact in my head is when i wa and she threw the knife on my face because i told her i do not want to go to some place with her i have been with her and growing up all along i always thought these thing were normal until i met new people i really get suicidal thought at night and i want to move out of here my father is separated and i have no idea where he is ita been more than a decade since i ve met or even talked to him all i know is that he sends money to my mother last year he did not send a single rupee for many month because if covid so i had to do some meagre job to earn something i had been doing that but now i want to complete my education and get a degree education here is very expensive i have graduated from my high school in the year 0 0 and had to take drop year because of pandemic and to basically stay alive now the situation is quite better at my home my dad is sending enough for u to eat when i talk about my study my mother straightforwardly decline and asks me work i really don t want to work i have to move out but i have zero backup and there are no part time job here in my country to move to another country is a very difficult task but it might change my life i would really need some advice and if you could just help me a bit it would be really great thank you for reading so far also i am sorry if i offended you by talking about my own mother like that i really do not know how to handle thing right now i am really sorry and thank you for reading i d appreciate if you can talk to me,1
my therapist asked me if i need anything but i never know how to answer this yes but i don t know what to stop feeling this way i just feel worse for not having an answer so i say i don t and than i feel even worse i just want to be ok but i don t know what that will take especially in a crisis,1
hi i am very sorry if this is the wrong sub for this post a good friend is going through a though depressive episode right now and since we live in different country we mostly hang out by playing game online we joke a lot but my humor a well a hers can get quite self depricating so i want to change my type of joke and how i talk in a way that boost her self esteem instead of lowering it i am really bad with word so if some of you have concrete example for how i can turn a joke or a phrase like bruh we are so dumb lol etc around to something positive would be really helpful just imagine you have to teach a toddler with atrocious social skill how to be a supportive friend,1
i had an interview for a new job today it s the th one i have had in two week even though i wa the only candidate that showed up they said they had their hope on someone else i am a grown person an i can t find a real job every interview i m just not a good fit this company reached out to me i feel like there is a sign that only other people can see that say i m trash i am unworthy i don t know what i m doing wrong but i know it s me i know i m the issue i am going to be stuck a white trash customer service agent till i self check out there is no other way out for me no one will miss me when i m gone an everyone will be better off with out me i feel selfish for being scared to go to hell that s what i deserve,1
i m 9 and haven t done anything with my life i ve disappointed everyone in my life the woman i thought i wa gon na marry left me and won t even talk to me anymore i started therapy and medication again a few month ago but it only doe so much i don t really have any friend i work only a few day a week and can barely handle that i don t find pleasure out of anything anymore i don t have anyone to turn to and everyone who ever loved me ha either left me or died all i do is sit home alone and try to distract myself the best i can but i honestly see no light at the end of the tunnel i know it s pathetic but i swear i m trying the best i can but i don t know how much longer i can,1
today i wa late for my high dchool by accident because they decided to change the plan and only send the notification about it on soem stupid school app that i don t use and so when i arived i wa hour late someone from my class saw me and started to talk to me like to an idiot i wanted to say somethinf but not even one word could came out i almost broke into tear over something so simple i wonder why people do this doe it give them some satisfaction or something like that i have no idea what are your idea,1
do you guy also have the unbearable urge to just step out of your door one day and leave i can t take it anymore i tried for year to get happy or at least not miserable but all i do creates more critic and now i m not even at peace when i m home i have no hope finding peace success or even stability at home and just vanishing seems to be the only thing left to try sometimes i just wan na get in my car fuel it up and leave everyone and everything behind sleeping in the car and go wherever sadly i wouldn t even have the money to even last a month,1
feel lonely feel alone feel restless angry annoyed jealous just like everything s a let down have no friend no significant other family is somewhat sad and broken no job no confidence i m just here living every f cking day over and over again some people from my family can be cold not understanding i hate depending on them for stuff and hoping to get help when they don t even want to i want to be independent and i m sick of it already can t talk to some of these people about serious topic or about truth because they don t want to hear it or won t listen nothing make me feel happy and all i ever hear is all i do is drink or go out and yeah i do cause this shit is sad and it s only time that it s not and i wan na meet people and idk it s just hard i m tired of sitting there in my feeling,1
i m honestly at the end of a dead end and idk what to do with my life there s almost no option and people aren t supportive at all i like to bounce off my idea on other people but everyone tell me to stop complaining pick myself up by the bootstrap and solve my own fucking problem thanks i m cured,1
ensconced in thought diametrically opposed graduated in fear and all it frill untouched day can only be so new with a mantra old is love for loving s sake hail the dawn,1
every single day i just wake up miserable and an insane urgency to immediately end myself everything is just empty now nothing really get me excited and i don t even have anyone to talk to cuz most of my friend are just not that close my family is much worse a nobody ever care about each other i have a father but i don t have any father figure cuz he wa and is never there for me ever i can t even share anything to anyone cuz everyone just tell me that it s normal for people my age to experience the thing i am going through i just absolutely hate my life and everything i literally have no will to live i even sometimes subtly and unintentionally put myself at dangerous situation to like somehow get myself killed even though everyone just say it s normal to experience these at my age i don t see anyone my age talk or even behave the way i do i also hate the fact that i am self aware of every way i am behaving but still can t seem to help myself fix those thing i really really really hope everyone is living better life than me,1
hi you all my first post in here i have to write my story down i m curious if there are more people in this im a 0 year old student from the netherlands i want to become a teacher at primary school my education take year right now i m re doing the third year i struggle with my past i do not have had a save bonding with my parent and family and in that time i wa bullied at primary school at my th i got involved in a situation of sexual unacceptable behaviour that wa the last thing what made me stop for a short time with my study that year i had a lot of spare time and after that year i had to start again with that year of my education the hard thing about it is my problem are not solved in that year off i had therapy but it wasn t the right fit for me after the therapy i thought i could start over but right now i notice the problem are coming back again the situation is right now i have a lot to do for school in week there is a big deadline and it is almost impossible to fix the stuff i have to do there is a lot of work to do but i am not motivated at all to do something i lay in bed till pm or do something i like to do and isn t nessecary last week i went to the doctor to start therapy again i think that is a good start i really want to go on with my life but i am so tired of it all i want to stop not facing my problem and do something easy but that isn t the solution im so alone in this all i have told some friend but not my parent cause they will be so judgy after a year of doing le work than the other year for me it is very hard to go on to concentrate on something and to end it i m afraid i lost my dicipline and i know i have some other problem which i want to fix by therapy i feel like a failure and i m sad and mad a good friend of mine said it is normal that i am not motivated by the problem i have about my past and familysituation that i don t have to ask my self too much she is way more kind to me than i am to myself on the other hand i don t want to be too kind in some way i have to do more well this is the situaition i live in i wonder if there are more people who share a part of my situation,1
i am and have been battling depression since throughout the year i ve been on anti depressive pretty much the whole time just when i feel like i m maybe stabilizing or dare i say it getting better i go crashing back down to the bottomless pit of sadness right now i m on vacation in a tropical island a dream for me yet here i am constantly emotional and unable to find joy ha anyone ever gotten over depression for good or will this plague me until the end,1
i little personal reflection here i guess i ve been working so hard to not want to kill myself trying to give myself space to heal while also when possible pushing myself to get back to life and i ve been doing amazingly going from my day being filled with trying to not want to die to actually cleaning my appartment and doing thing the last couple of week have definitely been a relapse of my pet who we re the reason i wa keeping myself alive and getting out of bed in my deepest moment have died within the same month in dramatic way i ve been trying to keep my head above water and to keep doing what i m suppose to do and the longer i tried to do it the more i went back to feeling like life is a never ending cycle of doing the same shit thing till you die i ve been feeling more and more again like it doesn t matter how hard i try and today it just became to much i m sitting here alone in this messy appartment that i m never gon na get under controle my partner is out all day and i just feel pain being alive again so i selfharmed again after month of not wanting to do it nothing serious or permantly damaging i ve never done something permanently damaging it felt both deliberating and just sad deliberating cause it did help me and calmed me down in the moment sad because you never wan na have to do this to stay alive and okay enough i don t really feel guilty or bad about doing it relapsing can happen right two step forward step back and i guess i also feel calmer about it knowing that i did get myself on a upward slope so that mean i can get myself there again so i guess i feel hopefull while feeling like this so i guess i m not doing well but i ve been getting back from worse,1
i have already given up on my life cuz i have realised no matter what i do nothing ever gon na make me happy happiness is an illusion a myth and it s always the next step like do this after that you will be happy do that you everything will be fine but that next step where the door of happiness exists never come we are always step step back to happiness most close you can get is that you can knock on the door,1
i feel like my body is just a piece of meat i m forced to watch destroy itself it s like there is beeings inside it me and an animal that doe and interacts dumb and not a it should and i can t change that a i am not the one doing all of this bad thing but the other beeing here is some context so you don t think im a serial killer im i m in my last year of highschool and i got big final exam that will decide if i go to college or not or a my dad say if i get to live a nice life and have a good job or be unemployed and a shadow that cover the earth with no meaning or purpouse my mom is the one that understands me better and try to help me and belief i will make it in life she even decides to lie for me regarding some bad grade so my dad doesn t get pissed off i am doing extremely bad in school math is my kryptonite when i say i do extremely bad in school what i mean is i can t get myself to study i have some decent grade but not anything crazy let say im doing okay besides math oh boy at math i have a strict teacher that look like jabba from star war im a hypocrite also everytime i get a math test i feel like i did okay only to see my grade and be disappointed in myself i really don t like studying right now im doing this to avoid doing my homework i i feel like i am watching myself ruin my life and i can t do anything i feel like i m watching myself act like i shouldn t there s no worse feeling than knowing you are wrong but can t change yourself i just want to get my exam and make my parent proud i don t want to make my mom sad anymore but my other side would do anything but what it should im honestly soo dumb i wish i could get myself to do this every second of my existence i think about my exam how am i going to fail them and how i can t change this this is beyond pathetic some people have serious issue yet im making all of this bullshit in my brain im just soo stressed everytime i wish i could just get a seizure and end this im sorry i don t even know what help should i ask for even if i get any advice i can t guarantee ill take them my brain is on another level of fuckery i ll end this rant in a positive note i hope i m doing my homework and i understand it while you are reading this i really hope i make it past this month after im done with my final,1
i don t know if it just my ocd acting up or if it some real trauma but in high school i had a friend that really lowered my self esteem told me that i have no one to talk to always alone more i speak the dumber i sound kind of treat me like shit at every possibility sometimes trying to embarrass me in front of other it wasn t just towards me but i think because i wa so nice to him he took advantage of that anyways it been year and it still bug me i did have therapy and to be honest it wa quite useless there is simply not much a stranger can do to help my situation i wa always a very sensitive avoidant person and running into a person like that really destroyed me not just that but hate that i didn t stand up for myself my therapist recommends meditation and slowly getting yourself out there but almost none of it help i don t understand why someone would come into someone s personal space and violate you for no particular reason he didn t do that because he found it funny just did it for the sake of it i hate disagreeable people like him and fear running into people like that i also stated skipping class from then on i spent the last year of college in my room skipping nearly all my class,1
lately i ve been suffering from a lot of sadness i even struggle trying to get up of my bed i don t know what is happening to me i m only and i already want to km i m so sick of school i don t understand anything and it just make my head hurt i can t keep going like this i don t know how to feel better i m already seeing a therapist and taking medication but it doesn t work at all please help,1
it s so hard getting out of bed going to work and pretending you don t have a million thing on your mind it s so hard having a conversation with a coworker pretending that you re okay it s so hard smiling at the customer while you wonder if they can tell you re not really smiling it s so hard to put on a mask everyday so you don t hear are you okay i don t want people to ask me if i m okay because i m not even sure how to answer,1
what s dating relationship like for the rest of you more specifically i m curious what it s like for those of u who have partner do they make it easier or harder are they supportive patient understanding and partner of those struggling with depression i would love to hear from i am incredibly lucky to have a partner that is all of those thing yet sometimes that can make me feel so much worse i m a huge burden on him a huge worry every night he call every cut he cry for everytime i pitifully sob in his arm he cradle me and tell me it will be okay and yet he try to keep his shitty day to himself i feel like he s disconnected me from his emotion so i have one le thing to worry about but i want him to talk to me i often feel like i should break up with him to spare him from me i know he can do so much better but i promised i wouldn t make his choice for him and i meant it i love him too much to even see that a a real option often time he s the only person i talk to all day the only reason i take care of myself leave the house work for him i don t want to be a weight on his shoulder,1
i sometimes wish i could do it just finally end it then i catch myself and i tell myself why i am here for me i am so tired i am tired of working my 9 job i am tired of repeating everything over and over again i feel like everything i have in my life i destroy i am trying my best to move on from my break up i reflected and i pushed him away i wa toxic i feel like a shitty human being that maybe doe deserve to die if i could take it all back i would i tried so hard to keep the relationship healthy that in the end it wasn t the worst part is i made him feel like he couldn t even tell me how he felt the day he discussed it with his friend wa the same day we hung out he never said a word i just don t want to be here right now i just want to disappear i ruined everything in my life i am done i m not going to end it because thinking of the pain i cause others hurt but being alive hurt me more,1
i ve been just waiting for over a week and i can t do it i m making 0 progress on everything i m not even going outside anymore never happen before and it s not because of anxiety i just don t want to i don t care about the consequence i guess i just kind of gave up i keep waiting for something but it s not gon na happen i went from feeling like shit to being a completely unproductive piece of shit genuinely one of the worst decision i ve made in a long time but i m too far in to give up and getting off it is supposed to be even worse mirtazapine g then 0 last few day increased my appetite but i can t be bothered to eat helped with sleep but now i can t get up what am i supposed to do have to wait a few day for follow up with doctor,1
yea what the title said,1
when people ask me what i wan na do or what my plan for something is i always kinda give a vague idea or like say very generic thing everyone around my age might be saying like oh i wan na move out and pursue this or that type stuff but in reality i don t even know if i want to be here i think that my lack of proper planning for thing or goal setting is because when i wa younger i had to go through a lot of difficult thing that traumatized me and made me minimize the space i took up not only in everyone else s life but in my own so much to the point that i didn t even think i wa gon na make it to the age that i am today i really only planned on being here a day longer than i wa yesterday and eventually it s added up and i have been here for this many year i don t know how to look forward or plan for thing ahead farther than tomorrow really because i never intended to be here for that long anyway but it s becoming a really bad problem a i am in my 0 and everything i do now is going to affect the rest of my life it s hard to know what i want to do or what i want to pursue when my whole life i didn t think that i would even be here i am so lost and genuinely don t know what i am doing or who i am and i feel detached from everyone around me i feel like i am just existing and i am thankful for the thing i ve experienced and the people in my life and all that but i m just so lost i genuinely have no word to describe the void i feel and sometimes can not believe that i did this to myself i made myself so small i don t even see me so how could anyone else see me it s so hard when your own mind is the thing that make it hard for you to do anything and i ve just been struggling a lot lately,1
i watch pornography when i feel depressed or stressed in my shitty job a a dentist but i heard that it can worsen your situation also i m doing it like once or twice a week,1
i just want to disappear i don t know how to start this but i just want to disappear disappear from my life from everything from everyone i feel so alone and i can t talk to anyone personally in my life because it s hard to admit that i m struggling mentally it s hard for me to tell people i want to disappear from their life a i fear they will take it personally i m just tired of my life i m tired of the battle i constantly have to face and the struggle it give me the idea of disappearing feel like weight is lifted of my shoulder and i can breathe again the idea feel so calm and relaxing a that is all i ve ever wanted peace it s easy for me to think that no one will care that i m gone no one will look for me or try to search for me but i know that s no true so i stay i stay to exist another day to deal with life s problem and the anxiety i feel with it because everyone ha to deal with life why can t i so i disappear in my thought a all i have to escape from everything and everyone,1
i always had that sinking feeling it wa there but wa never able to find that proof i would ve done anything for her she built me up for so long all my life saying i would go far and be the best i can this positive reinforcement kept up until graduated high school in 0 9 i wa taking a gap year so i wa trying to find work in the mean time the pandemic hit a i wa searching and many business had already laid off so many and were not hiring at this point i wa getting the sly comment hear and there but nothing too sinister for the most part only after going from job to job only to be taken advantage of or have my hour cut did it escalate more fearing no other alternative i went back to an old company i had left due to the amount of hour we had to work and my physical wellbeing wa deteriorating while there i wa not hired based on the fact i had quit so many job in a short amount of time the abuse began to hit a whope new level i am berated whenever i come from my room criticized for all the simplest thing forgotten told i m the idiot of the family for not paying attention to everything and continuously told i will never make it on my own and will die outside i finally hit my breaking point and while i cried for myself thinking about all i had done she watched i didn t see her face but she wa judging me the whole time and left me i knew she didn t care anymore and she never ha i have hit a whole new low of depression,1
tldr here are my question ha anyone had depression symptom improve after they broke up with a long term partner who wa not right for them were you able to see in retrospect how the bad relationship wa intensifying your mental health problem how did you make the decision to break up my current depressive episode ha been going strong since mid 0 0 with almost no letup i m in therapy for childhood trauma for the first time therapist say i have cptsd i can feel my deep self hatred beginning to heal which is something i didn t think wa possible it s awesome but my depression symptom are getting worse no motivation feeling of complete emptiness gnawing sadness my work in therapy ha also illuminated aspect of my year romantic relationship which mirror the emotional abuse i suffered a a child i have been a candid a possible with this about my partner they have been genuinely remorseful and we are working on shifting our dynamic in couple therapy i am pleased to see change in the way they treat me but i don t feel any le pissed off about waking up alive everyday it s really difficult to parse out how much of this current depressive episode is coming from my brain chemistry and how much is coming from the fact that i m living with someone who betrayed my sense of emotional safety i m trying to forgive my partner because i truly love them with all of my heart and want to give our relationship a fair chance to improve but i am struggling to forgive them for the borderline emotional abuse that happened,1
sometimes all i want is for someone to tell me everything will be okay i m proud of you i love you you re doing great just general supportive word you have no idea how happy a simple good job can make you feel,1
i feel like i don t deserve to be happy i have so much in life i ve got to look to look forward too i have loving friend and family a good job a decent living situation and i ve even recently got into a poly relationship with two awesome people but i feel a if i don t deserve any happiness at all it could be that i m dating two guy and my parent are strictly against anything homosexual it could be the fact that i may be addicted to porn or hell it could even be just some other random thing in my life but i just feel like i m happy one day then depressed a hell the next day i don t know what to do who to talk too or how to fix this i don t even know if this is the right subreddit to put this here but i m out of option,1
i feel like i m really close to ending my own life i cant imagine myself living another year i ve had happy day but i haven t been able to appreciate anything good that ha happened to me i m so hyper focused on every bad thing that it just make me want to end it all the only thing that s really stopping me is lack of a proper method and making it seem like a big deal i don t want anyone to care i don t want it to effect my family or for them to even notice i m trying to distance myself from everyone close to me so i can make it easier on them when i ve finally had enough the sad part is that i ve been so lucky to have a decent upbringing but everything i feel right now is just my fault i don t have any valid reason to feel this way so many people have had it worse i cant even be mad at anyone else i did it to myself and i continue to do this i ob over my appearance too much and it just hurt looking at myself i cant stand to hear myself speak or let other people see me i m so disappointed in myself for letting this happen to me i don t think i ll be able to get out this mindset and a soon a the time is right i ll probably take the east way out man this suck,1
m moved home to my parent during covid in summer 0 0 to save money a everything wa remote everything is still remote so i decided to stay however i miss big city life with more bar restaurant more stuff to do the higher number of single 0 0 somethings like myself going back to la is a no go a rent is absurd and i d be paying almost half of my salary just to have a decent bedroom apartment i m currently renting a house from family but i m lonely a fuck i live in a small town with 000 people i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place,1
hello everyone i m male and don t really know how to ass my current situation i ll start from scratch my grandpa wa a bully and abused my mother when she wa a child he also did this with my sister when she wa about year old my brother wa also completely influenced by him and also abused my sister at the time he wa around 0 year old i saw that live once too at that age about year old i couldn t ass and classify the situation had suppressed that very well until my sister came to a clinic for depression around 0 and completely unpacked during the stay from that point on thing really went down hill for me all the picture from back then came up again my sister and my brother have spoken out and get along well again i smoked pot a lot back then because it always distracted me my mother had already attempted suicide twice i am always completely unmotivated and unhappy although unhappy is the wrong word i m just happy about almost nothing anymore i also think about suicide from time to time but i m probably just too tired and scared to go through with it i always like to be alone but with a girlfriend it s a bit difficult from time to time because we live together the few friend i have thank god understand me and don t push me into anything my girlfriend is also very unstable mentally but we both support each other very well gaming on the pc ha helped me a lot for year i have occasional nervous breakdown where i just start cry i ve always hated my job but that s probably just because i hate work in general i loathe people in general and i don t like big gathering either apart from my sibling and parent i have very little or no contact with other relative had adhd a a child and have been taking medikinet for month a i still have the diagnosis i wonder how others see it and whether i should seek external help i think i m doing just fine but i d be interested in an independent opinion pls be kind english is not my native language,1
i ll be 9 this year i grew up very sheltered and in middle school wa groomed by a teacher which ha led to a lot of mental health issue mom wa checked out due to illness and i am the youngest of her oldest child is the only healthy one i have attempted suicide time the last time in 0 9 which ruined thing for me i lost my job and had to move back home with mom i hate it trust me i decided fuck i should be doing something and started taking class online i used to live in a thriving city on my own wa in a relationship had a steady career path and it s all gone now living here is awful and i really wish i wa successful on my third attempt since 0 9 i have applied for 9 job i have only gotten interview with of those one job offer and it fell through because they closed down due to covid i am so tired so worn out and i have no motivation for anything anymore i feel like i should just end it somehow but deep down i want to live and be happy again i can t do that in this state or small conservative town le than 000 people v a progressive city i wa living in of 00k that were lgbt friendly idk what to do anymore i have maybe 00 to my name and i wish that could get me out of here but it s not happening sorry for the rant just need to get this shit out,1
can someone help me kill myself or give me way to please i m i m really done with life idc about anything anymore i don t want people to try and stop me like i just need a way to do it but idk how like what thing to do love you all xx,1
i think i m gon na call it quits i just don t feel good i don t feel like anyone care about me i don t feel like i bring value to anyone s life let alone my own been listening to a song recently and the lyric just feel so resonant i relate so hard do you ever get a little bit tired of life like you re not really happy but you don t wan na die like you re hanging by a thread but you got ta survive you got ta survive i don t want to die but that thread the little bit of myself that kept me wanting to survive is just frayed it s razor thin and i just want to reach out and snap it already just get it over with i m tired i m hurting i m so fucking lonely and i just want it to fucking stop,1
i m fine i m fine i m fine until once again i m back in the pit and i m wondering how long do i need to keep doing this for when i stare at my computer screen another fucking 9 day of meaningless clicking so i can earn barely enough money to survive comparing myself with other people my age depresses me i m not so successful and i probably didn t live up to anyones expectation including my own but the more i think about it based on all my trauma and self hatred where i am kinda make sense but the thought of i need to continue living like this idling just living in the same page everyday why i have a vacation booked and then what i come back to the same meaningless routine every time after a vacation im more depressed that my life is how it is do i want to change sure how i don t even have the energy or motivation nor do i have the strength or idea some day i feel like im living in my own paradox or dream that my life isn t even real the past few week i been reliving my trauma and all the shit i went through continuously in my head why i don t even know maybe i m trying to understand myself all i get are mood swing bad attitude and burst of anger maybe i should get on med,1
im m ive been in a constant battle with anxiety and mood swing disorder and i promised myself if life dont get better by my th birthday im offing myself so idk if there a god and he listening to me or if there another world waiting for me i just need strength because i feel like this is my last chapter in life and i feel ready,1
i know this is weird to ask but anyone got any alternative to cutting i m too scared to punch a wall not scared enough to not cut somehow and i can t cut without getting caught due to helicopter parent they have caught me cutting so my mother doe body check regularly again i know it s weird to ask but any suggestion are appreciated,1
hi i m new here and most of the time i m in a real good place life ha been really good since i had therapy i haven t felt like i want to end it in maybe five or six year now and that is not what i feel right now but i do feel emptiness and shallow i like to create to many thing but after i share them all of the feeling disappear i don t feel good about it anymore and when i m alone it s a if every thought in my head want to feel bad i feel like cry but no tear come and it s frustrating even i don t know who to talk to because everyone is so busy and i feel like disturbing god what do i do singing frustrates me and i m a vocalist i am taking a long walk right now but kind of lost the strength in my leg or my will to go further at the moment of writing i ll continue after typing this i guess,1
anytime i m alone i m instantly depressed i can t enjoy tv alone i can t enjoy a walk alone i just hate it alone i just lay here all day in my bed on my phone for hour then go to sleep but i get so sick of my phone how can i be alone,1
i don t really have any kind of hope that any other kind of love can truly save you it ha to be romantic because you don t trust friend or family when they tell you that the love you anymore but if someone is willing to hold you and stay with you for the rest of your life just the initiative make it feel better but my problem doesn t even lie there the real problem is that i don t really see myself a someone that can be loved and the reason are endless i m not good looking i have severe social anxiety and i m just a handful of a person to deal with haha and i definitely am not a person that should have been born and even the one time i gave my heart to someone and tried to get to know them better with the hope of igniting something real it wa a fail and i can t help that i have no will left in me to live i don t think writing this post will really achieve anything ultimately but well it would be nice if someone could try to understand me,1
hi hello idk why am i writing this i just need to vent out ok i can t type properly my eye are flooding with tear rn i m so fucked up right now idk what to do amp x 00b no one got my back for fuck sake this is so messed up i wan na kill myself so bad i feel like i ve done everything that i want if somehow i die my biggest regret would probably be disappointing my mom amp x 00b amp x 00b on a second thought i don t really wan na die i m just confused what is the life i wan na know my purpose being 9 year old and having nothing accomplished make me feel shit constantly lying about stuff making sin day after day am i born to sin amp x 00b amp x 00b i really felt lonely and thought that no one really cared about my existence i saw my friend enjoying and posting their happy moment i really felt cornered i spent another few day in my room then the other day i just went out for a walk amp x 00b i don t want this anymore my coping mechanism is smoke some cigarette i don t want to be addicted i m thinking about praying to god but i don t wan na pray for someone whom i don t believe to exist i m starting to think what if someone just made up god idk someone made up god for people who don t have someone to talk to,1
through out the day i keep telling myself okay tomorrow you need wake up and do these thing so i have to go to sleep early job search and practice permit test to get the license but every night once it reach 9 0 i find myself unhappy in my bed ruminating about how i messed up in life and how worthless i am that no one want to hire me i wonder is it even worth it i then end up sleeping till like or am i ve applied to food le and such and have gotten either no call or few place rejecting me i stay up in bed trying to find something that ll distract me or pacify me to sleep and even when i do go to sleep early i dread waking up i just wish i could sleep forever,1
where do i even start this feeling ha been going for year but now i reached a point where i am fully convinced that my life is just pointless purposeless empty i keep finding way to help myself to get better socialize talk to a psychologist then i got refered to a psychiatrist and talk to god i don t blame god for anything okay i still believe in god the psychiatrist did gave med escitalopram amp na divalproex amp quetiapin amp olanzapine amp vit b complex for a year i took those med constantly after a year i wa only prescribed with the first two med then recently the psychiatrist needed to move up my med to something more stronger because i said the med didn t work in socializing i tried to talk to friend but i couldn t open myself fully to any of them it is because no one listened or no one gave anything to help same go with my family i even tried looking for a relationship but with the trauma that my past caused me my ex s mirrored my depression towards me i also tried dating apps but every single one is either horny or just hard to talk to i tried to connect with workmate but you know that feeling when just can t connect it s hard to describe but yeah bottom line in socializing no one listens or give help in talking to god i still believe that there s a purpose for everything that s why we are created right i really don t blame god for anything even though i am suffering so much the only question is how long will i have to suffer more detail about work right now i m happy with what i m doing there s stress problem and shitty experience but at least i get task that need to be done yeah so when i m given a task i can finish it regardless of my mentality so my background well i ve been bullied since elementary until highschool for being different in the look it wa nd year highschool when the whole class bullied me constantly the teacher can t even help lol my depression really attacked me in nd year college there i realized all my suffering all my mistake and all my regret i attempted suicide for like time but always failed unfortunately twice i got caught by my family they were concerned at first but a time pass by so is the concern after all that i gave up trying to kill myself because i can t i m too much of a coward to kill myself all those physical abuse i tried to do on myself i can t do it twice so yeah i m like in the middle of trying to live and trying to kill myself if only i m brave enough to just commit suicide i would do it but i m not i actually tried to do sport in the past i wa very active in physical sport like taekwondo athletics and mma i even went to the gym right now i m doing biking but all those physical activity stopped a i lost interest or no motivation anymore i continued biking but everytime i do it i go full speed thinking i would die unfortunately my body just hold the break to slow down and make turn right now i just literally gave up on everything i m convinced that i ll be living my life like an empty shell med don t work socializing don t work and etc etc i just do my work then after just back to emptiness again i am able to do task but is it still living when you just do task out of obligation for advice sorry but i already heard too much but it didn t work anyways just trying to vent out i hope this story is clear or understandable thank you for reading,1
ha anyone been prescribed mirtazapine or other alpha receptor antagonist to treat their anxiety i would prefer not to use start with ssri s what wa you experience,1
i m tired of living the one thing that kept me alive just weaponozed my mental health about week ago and left i m tired of being stressed about everything bill and not knowing of i can feed myself i ve given up how much oxy is lethal asking for well myself,1
i think the worst part of dealing with all of this is the absolute constant feeling of loneliness having no connection to anyone many act like they want to help but a soon a they see how deep and dark it is they back off my phone stay pretty silent unless someone need something,1
i can t manage to do anything i haven t showered for 9 day haven t brushed my teeth for a couple day haven t done my skincare routine in age haven t been to the gym for week haven t been to university to see the lecture in week i feel like i just can t get a grip of my life it s getting tiring,1
burning the bridge of people i m supposed to consider friend but when wa the last time i could call them that suddenly my life took a sudden stop and i needed to rest well now i m recovered and everyone ha left me behind so what do i do i try reaching out but get pushed aside for other more important people in their life hurt when one of them wa your ex partner who still want to be your friend but can t put in any effort worth making it a lasting friendship best friend know i m socially inept and while i m extroverted i can t really meet new people on my own so do they help me by introducing me to their dozen of freiends they have despite being introverted no apparently you just want to keep me to yourself despite me literally begging for your help on multiple occasion i hate this the only keeping me around is my cat and it s not love anymore i just don t want to leave him alone in the apartment with my rotting corpse that will only be found because i didn t come into work,1
so i have finally come to realize that i have had this fantasy that i have a family that care my mother ha her own issue bi polar my mom life partner just doesn t care and tell me to get over it my sperm donor of a bio dad remarried and ha his own family now and is ecstatic about his grand kid i feel like i wa the throw away tossed out with the garbage when it come to my parent it ha taken me 0 year to come to this conclusion why did it take me so long when my sister said f ck you when she wa hope is the only thing i can come up with to answer that question they say blood is thicker than water when it come to family i now disagree i have finally come to the conclusion that my parent can kick rock if they fell off of a cliff i would watch them fall some would say that is a heartless thing to say about your parent but i am done done placing myself in a situation that allows my heart to be trampled by one that claim to love me or one i would think should care all of these thought and outcome in life have lead me to being suicidal and depressed i am now working hard to manage my thought of suicide and depression first thing is to get my finance in check pay down my debt so i can become financially free to do what i want with my money second and really while i am working on my finance lose some weight and get my physical health back on track it is time for me to start living this life i have been gifted with and see were it take me all i ask of you is your support and prayer if interested check my profile from time to time a i make journal entry posting them to my personal profile god bless i love you all,1
i don t see the meaning of life in general or the purpose of my own life i ve been clinically depressed and in and out of therapy for seven year now which is of my life which make me feel sad i ve reached this point where i don t even have the desire to take an active role in anything that happens to me or in my choice i feel very passive like i m just sort of letting my life lead me instead of leading it i feel dormant like i m just existing and i d barely even call myself alive everyone around me ha relationship thing to look forward to goal to meet etc yet i m only year old and i cant find even one attainable thing that i have the desire to accomplish i know i m not supposed to compare because everyone is different and blah blah blah but i m jealous of others who are driven and motivated i m unhappy and unfulfilled but simultaneously i m burnt out from constantly trying to work on myself get better and look for thing that will help change my mentality i really don t know what i should do next that is if i can bring myself to do anything at all,1
why is sleeping alot so horrible for depression because of depression i sleep alot but on rare occasion with drug abuse which cause insomnia i am le depressed then i sleep again 0 hour hour and i just feel horrible and suicidal,1
i often hold myself back from doing the thing i want to do because i don t feel like i meet the bare minimum standard to have realistic prospect for success what should i do to overcome this for instance i would love to be able to have a job earn money and be self sufficient i lost three job over the course of three month from 0 0 and i wound up in a deep depression from which i ve been trying to crawl out of ever since i later realized that i have adhd pi which explains nearly every factor that contributed to my past underperformance i wa often late for work i called in sick when i couldn t get out of bed i wa slow at my job etc i didn t realize that the issue i had were outgrowth of executive dysfunction and once i realized i had adhd everything suddenly made sense i had always been told and in fact came to believe that i wa just lazy that my lack of success wa my attitude towards work and it wa a simple a that but no it s not actually so simple even so i feel like i need to be 00 confident that it s under control before i attempt to re enter the workforce here s why i view being hired for any job a a promise on your part when you accept a position you are implicitly agreeing that you will be consistently hard working focused and reliable by consistently i mean at least 99 of the time everyone ha the occasional bad day where they underperform but to be a good employee this need to be a rare occurrence no more than maybe once every six month or so at the absolute most you need to be on time you need to be consistently applying yourself to the extent where you re feeling exhausted by the day s end and you need to be making a sustained effort to be living up to and preferably exceeding the expectation that are set out for you by your employer in short you either make a full commitment or you don t in my opinion if you apply for a job and accept a position knowing full well that you re going to struggle with thing a basic a punctuality or worker engagement it is disingenuous for you to even send in an application in the first place another example at year old i have never gone out on a single actual date with a woman let alone anything beyond that it just feel futile for me to even ask a woman out i find it unrealistic to think that a woman would find me physically or romantically attractive i feel like in order to date someone you have to be their equal by most metric equally attractive equally successful etc at the very least you have to fulfill some basic criterion be employed full time have a driver s license own a car be adept at handling social situation take good care of your body and your appearance maintain a consistently clean and orderly living space etc similar to employment asking somebody out feel like yet another unspoken agreement in doing so you are effectively conveying that you have your life together are able to keep it together on a consistent basis for the foreseeable future and want to get to know them on an intimate level once again you either make a full commitment or you do not if you can t give it 00 on a consistent basis then don t waste their time there are other thing that hold me back from dating another factor is that i m terrified of inadvertently going about it in an inappropriate manner e g wrong place wrong time misreading signal and making her uncomfortable with my overture then there s the fact that i m asexual and probably wouldn t have a high enough libido to satisfy most woman on a frequent enough basis but the main reason is the fact that i don t think i am capable of making a full commitment in my mind it s all or nothing i guess the long and short of it is that i don t apply for work ask woman out or do much of anything with my life because i don t think i m good enough i m not worthy i doubt my capability a being on the same level a everyone else and i don t want to pretend like i am capable of maintaining the kind of commitment that most people are able to make,1
would anyone like to chat or maybe even voice chat i m just feeling like a total mess at the moment,1
well i am rn haven t really achieved anything big in my life so far i honestly feel like shit while typing this i have never made such post ever and honestly i am tryna express myself so i make some friend or have a good conversation a i said i am i have been visiting a therapist and i have mdd major depressive disorder medication are helping though by i need to improve we don t have financial problem i really need to start making money for my own i guess i have seen a lot of people online that are doing much better than me and have achieved a lot and i am not even close to them well if anyone want to talk or want to discus something you can do it here or my dm,1
without absolutely any context of myself i will disclose when my depressive episode come about and these feel pretty major and intense when they do they feel and seem to get harder and harder literally a the year go by we who struggle with depression are very tough because i feel like i barely scrape through each and every time but it is becoming harder to bare and hold on and i worry for myself in the future do any of you with depression feel like your episode or however you describe it get harder and harder to bare when it come about amp x 00b it an expression of interest curiosity,1
i m so exhausted my brain create me a child personality a sort of a dissociation disorder that take control of me of my action of my voice of my thought so sometimes i m a child because of my fucking depressed brain i also have a lot of memory lost it s like my memory reset all the time my head is a prison a hell i hate this brain and i hate this existence,1
i ve struggled with mental health issue since i wa in elementary school i ve gone through period where thing have been really bad and others where i m more normal i m doing really bad right now i m in law school and i don t have time for a breakdown but i feel like i m drowning i have class in hour but i ve been up all night cry i don t know what to do my psychiatrist just put me on wellbutrin along with my current medicine of prozac rexulti and buspar i m supposed to talk to my dean today about my mental health issue but i don t feel like i can get out of bed this is ridiculous and i feel like i m being lazy but i legitimately feel like i m suffocating i want to not exist sorry if this make no sense everyone i know is asleep right now and i needed to talk,1
i m alone m i feel like ending it all i just want a girlfriend but i always get rejected i don t want sex or nude i want someone who i can care for and someone who can care for me,1
so many thing i can t will never be able to do again my friend talk about going skateboarding or how awesome it would be to go skiing soccer wa my favorite sport and i can t play anymore well i can but at the risk of my left knee buckling in on itself which it ha done just the act of getting out of bed is painful and every girl i talk to i eventually have to tell them i got hit by a car which come off a gaslighting like i m looking for sympathy the last one i told said she d help me through it or whatever but she just stopped talking to me after hanging out a couple time which sound like nothing but now i don t talk to anyone perhaps the worst part is that the guy never even said he wa sorry my friend don t even ask me how i m doing all they fucking talk about is dungeon and dragon nobody asks how i m doing everyone is just like oh yeah him he got hit by a car and just assume that i m fine all i think about is cry in someone s arm i am practically on the verge of tear every waking moment of every day i guess what keep me going is the fact that it could have been much worse i could have not opened the trunk of my dad car in time and he could have crushed me from my knee up all the way to my chest rather than just at the knee i wa getting my bag out of the back of my dad car when a guy in a f 0 pickup truck pulled up behind me either pulled too close and the car jumped forward when he put it in park or he just forgot to put it in park and it rolled forward pinning me at the knee between the two vehicle for like second,1
i am no job no career suffering from severe depression and anxiety for year therapy med nothing help suffered emotionaly since teenage now m here all alone no one close totally done with life and thinking to end it thank u for reading,1
i guess i m on here to get some thing off my chest maybe even get some advice i really just want someone to relate to what i m going through if you took the the time to read this thank you a little background i m 0 australian cisgender male i ve lived in the foster care system which come with a lot of different issue i couldn t possibly get into i work for the government i can t say what i do here i do some dangerous work that led to being assaulted in early january i ve since been on work cover for my mental health acute stress disorder every day get harder i wake up and i can t get out of bed i sleep horrible hour i smoke almost a pack a day and i play video game non stop i feel like an exposed nerve some day every interaction with another human make me nervous and the day i leave the house are becoming fewer when i moved to my current town i didn t really have friend i ve always struggled with social interaction i joined a dnd group at a local hobby store in the hope of making some friend they were all relatively younger than me all in their 0 i gave it a go nonetheless several session in they ve asked me not to come back i didn t see it coming tbh it disappoints me because the reason why wa unclear i had thought we were friend dnd wa the general highlight of my week it s not exactly a productive past time and most people probably think it s stupid or nerdy tbh it absolutely is but i felt accepted and it wa a group who s social behaviour didn t revolve around drug and alcohol i m trying so hard not to internalise it and just accept that maybe i just didn t mesh with the group in addition to this my problem are piling up my car is completely useless my back is causing issue and i m gaining so much weight right now everything feel exhausting my lifestyle is so toxic right now and i know something need to change i just don t know what to do i feel so overwhelmed with life the best advice i can find is to grow up take responsibility for my life but it rarely seems that simple i feel like i have nothing left,1
my depression and self harm are at an all time high and today i woke up and decided to give myself two black eye by punching myself repeatedly until swollen cu i wan na look a bad a i feel now my boyfriend just got home and he s super angry at me how do i explain to this nigga it s my body my choice and he shouldn t be upset cu it s life man he got with someone year ago that is severely fucked up and now he s shocked that i m doing fucked up shit like wtf type nigga is he,1
my bf cheated on me but got a dog today and my dog ha made me feel so much better who need a man,1
and then i realize normal is horrible and mean working a job i hate to barely afford gas to work and killing brain cell with drug to put up with it,1
i m scared of my future i m scared of taking responsibility for my own life i m scared of facing the consequence of my action i m scared of making decision because they might be the wrong one i m scared of taking a step forward i m scared that there s nothing i can do with my life because i m too scared of everything i m scared of living,1
why can t i just do a my mother said and accwpt my body,1
everyone moved on became a better person happier get a career and a life meanwhile i m still the same stuck in the beginning,1
it s gotten to the point where i m purposely making myself sick so i will have to call out but the end of the month is coming up and bill are piling up i don t know what to do i just don t want to do anything anymore and just lie in bed all day,1
i am moving and i might not be able to bring my cat with me i haven t even had her year i am losing everything again i have to move and start over and lose the people close to me it feel like every time i try to improve my situation i get worse i know it ll get worse before it get better but this is hell i wish i could just have a safe place without having to uproot my life the only apartment i can afford doesn t allow pet i might just risk it and sneak my cat in anyways but i am scared of being caught and evicted god just everything everything is too much i have been cry for age,1
i didn t choose to be born i didn t choose to have these vital instinct it shouldn t fall onto me to overcome them the world that gave birth to me should fix it mistake i shouldn t be asked to fix it in it stead it s not my responsibility,1
and i feel nothing nothing at all i almost flunked out of college twice and here i am with straight a s last quarter and i m slated for a similar gpa this quarter and yet i don t feel a thing about it everyone is telling me how proud i should be i went from a high school slacker to the one looking into med school to the family fuck up and now the one doing ok all within a few year fuck i should be proud and yet i literally do not give a shit all i feel is apathy i m just so fucking tired i feel like i m just going through the motion not sure what i m looking for with this post i just had to tell someone that i lack the capacity to care my parent and partner were so happy when i told them the grade i don t have the heart to tell them i don t really feel anything about it doe anyone else just not care about achievement anymore it d feel nice to know i m not the only one,1
or having a good day like aren t you supposed to be depressed if you keep acting like this nobody will believe you that kind of mentality i take hard class i take the max number of credit i can because if i m not working i m wasting time i don t study for shit i get good grade surely this must mean i m decently smart but i fucking hate that my grade don t drop noticeably because i wish someone would notice or just care or something but i clearly can t stand feeling like a failure more and it doesn t make sense because i feel like a failure all the time why not one more it extends to stupider shit too like being in a good mood laughing stuff i m not happy but it s like the reflex is still there and i m so good at hiding it i don t know what i m like when i m actually happy but i m guessing better le angry awkward and doe this mean people like that version of me better or do they just think this is me normal fuck me i wouldn t ever go up to someone and ask for help i couldn t do it but it would just be nice to have someone be concerned for me naturally without me asking,1
hello i feel terrible i don t know where to start i feel very bad very anxious my stomach is a ball of nerve i feel so bad mentally that i feel sick physically everything is a challenge for me i live in a foreign country and i signed for a language class that started somehow not from the beginning and this literally felt so bad i really don t know how to explain how i feel and why i feel like this everything new scare me my mother died two year ago i can t sleep well my heart literally hurt from all the anxiety i have i don t know what to do with my life i m in a really bad place i don t have a job right now i m signed to an agency that sends me to different warehouse and i m booked now for month i don t have any special education i figured i should study something to make my life better i m year old the job i m doing right now is the reason i feel so terrible my anxiety come and go i feel it triggered my anxiety because it s in a new warehouse with new people and it s something i ve never done before my bos didn t tell me where i m going to do this job she literally told me the night before that i have to go to a new place from tomorrow she didn t explain absolutely anything for the job she just left u there without information and resource and i feel that s why my anxiety came back with full strength i wa hoping that even something bad is going to happen to me so i won t have to go to work something like a car crash something bad but not too bad my bos told me we could call her and ask her about the job but she didn t pick up her phone when we tried calling her she told u she may hire u after we do this job i think this add to the pressure the thing is i think most people would see this a an opportunity but it s a nightmare for me my husband and i are doing this job and he s not understanding or willing to help me i tell him how i feel but he s like you ll get better i don t think i ll get better i have this anxiety for so long now it come and go it s not getting better i don t know what to do with my life i think anyone in my circumstance would actually feel good and here s me feeling anxious desperate and just horrible i don t wan na stay in this country i wan na go somewhere else but i don t think that s going to solve my problem a my problem is not the place it s me,1
i m and currently suffering from depression i ve stopped taking anti depressant about year ago because of quarantine and suicide related thought like overdosing or choking on med because of that i don t know how to fall asleep quickly i tried the breathing technique calming oil blend even putting up some calming music on my phone all of the thing i ve tried nothing work for me i just really wan na sleep early because my mom s seriously mad at me for staying up late at night possibly thinking i m using my phone when she turn her back i just don t wan na try to start taking those anti depressant again any suggestion,1
look at me and tell me why i shouldn t just end it all today and tonight my girlfriend think i m an ugly waste of oxygen who ha no value it s time for me to die,1
got a driving ticket the other day almost got another one today for parking in front of someone s driveway,1
hi i ve been up and down over the year and have been diagnosed with mdd and add i take med and am in therapy off and on for period of time i can not afford regular therapy and generally i am not doing too badly i wake up each morning and get to work i come home to my family i do some yoga and try to move regularly i do not feel myself i feel another cycle of darkness looming i use cannabis daily and drink alcohol on weekend i think if i drank during the week it could become a regular pattern i want to shake this and i try different thing it is a if there is too much going on and filtering what i need is difficult i ve always had the mentality that we over complicate our life i would like to live out in the wood with no electricity or technology and not in an effort to isolate but just to simplify not sure my point in posting this i guess i am looking for some support and suggestion from others in how to feel connected take care folk,1
which came first the chicken or the egg do i hate myself because of the constant rejection i ve experienced my whole life or am i constantly rejected because i hate myself both are true negative experience are what made me doubt myself so much if this keep happening over and over again then it must be because there s something wrong with me that people want to run away from i take it entirely personally but on the other hand people don t want a person who hate themselves in their life so they reject me and distance themselves i can never sustain positive self worth because every single time i m rejected i feel that they ve judged my character in some way and determined me either insignificant or toxic to them it s a never ending loop that ultimately leaf me alone and bitter i don t know how to fix it nothing seems to work it s like my mind is broken i feel like an evolutionary failure a cancerous lump meant to be excised from a healthy society i feel like i ve given up on myself,1
hi about an hour ago i opened my bearded dragon enclosure and picked him up to find him dead im so distraught and i feel like such a terrible person he wa about year old i ve had him since i wa and i m now he wa year old when i got him in the last month or so my mental health ha been very bad and i ve been working day a week and not had time to care for him at all this is my fault and i m so upset he wa counting on me to take care of him and i couldn t i m so disturbed by the way he looked when i picked him up his eye were black and sunken in and he wa completely limp i don t think i m ever going to forgive myself for this i just feel like the most awful human being alive i m going to miss him so much he wa really special to me even though i ve been unintentionally neglectful there s so much i could have done i just don t know what to do i feel so evil ha anyone else lost a pet,1
vent cry needed to get it out it s been month since we had our miscarriage thing were looking up a my cycle wa finally back to normal i wa meant to ovulate this week and i felt hopeful last night i wa waiting for my husband to get home from work and he wa about hour late i wa getting so worried when i finally received a knock on the door police officer informed me that my husband had been in a fatal car accident devastated doesn t cut it i can t fathom life without him something that hurt and keep running through my head right now is two thing i am about to go through our lost baby due date alone while also grieving my husband to have my rainbow baby i will now need to find a new partner and then get to the stage of a relationship to even fathom trying again so let s say year minimum by then i will be considered a mature pregnancy and likely find it hard and be high risk i don t know what to do i don t know how i can carry on he wa my world i can t do this without him,1
i don t know if i want to wipe who i am and have been for so long now or if i want to wipe ou my existence so long i ve told myself and forced myself to live just one more day because one day or another it will be different right one day or another it will be better right these day there s another loud thought i have not being here at all is different it is better it might not be the most pleasant choice but it is a choice all the same and it is the only choice that say you ll never have to hurt again you ll never have to hold your hand when you break you ll never ave to cry again it will all end forever this thought is the only thing that seems to care about me anymore,1
why is it that whenever i try to change or become better and i so i go chase new experience and end up going through learning or doing different thing it just becomes a bad memory i feel a if everything i had positive aspect to turn into something negative thing i think will turn out for the better turn out to be bad and miserable which make everything in my past and present miserable can anyone else relate or understand what i m trying to say it s hard to explain in word,1
i keep thinking of her a transphobic because a year and a half ago she told me all her thought of transgender and now i don t feel comfortable talking to her about it,1
i m coming back around from a deep hole of depression out of the last couple day maybe some of my hardest my life is a whirlwind and i accidentally got off my med for day one day off will really throw me didn t even realize that i didn t take my med until thing calmed down that th day i wa posting here yesterday and some of you really helped me out i m on the other side of it now and just want to thank this sub it wa a brutal low that lasted for sooo long i m on the other side now if i could go back to tell myself anything it s this hold on yes life suck but your brain is lying to you you got ta wait until it start telling you the truth again it s hard and it suck it suck major donkey ball you can t see any good right now i know you have to believe me it s imperative so just hold on,1
i stopped taking ssri about month ago and have been really depressed and anxious since i don t have adhd but i have an adderall prescription and take 0mg xr about time a week i am trying to find alternative to taking medication for depression so i picked up some 0mg htp supplement is it safe to take the two together if not would it be safe to take the adderall in the morning and htp at night,1
need someone to talk to,1
okay long text post here i been depressed the past year of my life 9 now you know just typical depression not until recently i started getting like suicidal thought and ideation not so sure why i started dating my boyfriend about a year ago and he is the light of my world and had helped me pretty much a lot i m not too sure why these thought and feeling are coming back to me harder than ever my med cymbalta quit working so i switched them then the new one make me actually fucking insane pristiq i can t even trust myself to be alone i am just thinking about killing myself and dying all that mumbo jumbo my anxiety ha been through the roof a well i also have insomnia which we have not found the right med for that yet either so my whole life and brain is a cluster fuck it would be so easy to end it i never have had panic attack until this new pristiq i ve also tried lexapro prozac and a few others which weren t for me they either make me zombie or literally nothing at all is different can someone give me your input on what i should maybe try to do my sleep ha also been fucked the past few year i stay up for day at a time bc i can t fall asleep i m either not tired or j literally can t actually fall asleep now i have seroquel a needed i don t take that make me feel weird zaleplon a needed it literally doesn t work on me not too sure why but whatever and hydroxyzine and guess what that one doesn t work either sleep ha make me fail in school cant concentrate cant study cant do work mood brain fog every day oh but back to my bf just typing about him make me tear up i miss him so much i m afraid that i m going to scare him away with my craziness i m also pretty sure i m bipolar but maybe i m not but his family doe not have problem like that i m thinking i need to kill myself before he leaf me or after he leaf me bc after he leaf that will be it he s like my last string of hope to keep me from ending it anyone relate,1
i feel trapped and like there s no way out everything feel like shit i went through ton of family and mental health issue but i soldiered on and i got my college diploma in social science and my bachelor degree in sociology i wa on the dean s list i worked my as off through mental illness and exhaustion and i m in thousand of dollar debt i did everything people told me to do keep going get a degree take out loan and now i can t find a fucking job that doesn t pay total shit public transit is beyond atrocious i just have 0k debt staring at me in the face every time i open my bank app i ve applied to hundred of job hundred of job my brother want me to go back to school and get more debt more fucking debt he want me to leave my boyfriend and move to another province i can t talk to him about my issue because every time that s all he suggests same with my best friend my dad life in a tiny town in newfoundland and make shit wage my mom life somewhere in ontario and ha made no effort to help me out despite not getting to see me grow up due to a nasty divorce i have no will left i m afraid i m gon na snap and go crazy i try really really hard to be positive but it s really hard to keep it up i feel like i m in one of those trap where the wall are slowing squishing you until you die please doe anyone have any advice anyone i m dying my hope is fading so fast,1
i m always pointed at when something bad happens to me and i never know if i m to blame or not,1
i m feeling so bad i can t function anymore and will probably be hospitalised but i got a message from a teacher saying i wa missing too many class and referring me to the school s psychologist what can i do,1
i hate life hate living every day i wake with no energy and no will no to move further in life it ha beatin me down again and again all i do is work i have friend but never stop feeling lonely the one thing that keep me tethered to this reality is my cat who is currently screaming outside my door i don t care though i haven t cared about much in a long time i think i ve had enough of this world maybe someone reading this will be able to be stronger than me but i think i ve had enough i just don t know what to do and there only seems to be one compact sized way out i m lost,1
there are so many time where i feel the need to ask for help and i just try to push through it by myself because i know people are struggling with their own stuff i am tired of feeling like i need other people but also not feeling like i can be self sustaining idk,1
sometimes i feel like a footnote in everyone life and that if i disappeared one day that no one would notice,1
there were few class that interested me in college i chose a class called film amp acting and wa told i d could do video editing in that class turn out it wa a theatre class and i soon i wa doing absolutely nothing because i wasn t provided anything to do in the class am i stupid for not reading the description of the class that wasn t on the paper and can t find on the website,1
every opportunity i have i always end up embarrassing myself no matter what thing like just communicating and anything that ha to do with the real world is so hard for me to get right i m so insecure and soft spoken and everyone probably know me a that weird shy kid thing i do when i m on my own like talking to myself or doing anything weird would never be okay in front of others i m never aware of what i do until somebody notice me and i get embarrassed instantly and i m so ashamed of myself i probably will never see anyone romantically or have any close friend because i m so immature and childish,1
so far this year hasn t exactly been easy i ve been out of work cause my grandpa had back pain that he had to get surgery for then he had to be put in the hospital due to internal bleeding then he got diagnosed with cancer then he had to go to the hospital again due to fluid build up and if that weren t enough something happened between my dad and stepmom that had me afraid that they were gon na get a divorce or something thankfully thing had be getting better lately i managed to get an xbox series x my grandpa is out of the hospital and making a lot of progress on regaining his strength thing are now better between my dad and stepmom and a game i ve been eagerly looking forward to tiny tina s wonderland will be releasing this friday however my enthusiasm is starting to rain dramatically now i m getting to the point where i d have to work on final assignment and honestly i m not exactly feeling great about them one for my technical writing class ha so many step and aspect i have to try and think about that even though it s the one that ha me the least worried i feel myself getting depressed thinking about it but a for my maine history class that s the one that really ha me overwhelmed for that i have to write a term paper of at least double spaced page on an issue in maine history not only is that by far the biggest paper i would have to write since 0 0 but it s on a subject that i m seriously not exactly passionate about even though i m from maine i can t exactly think of any big issue in the state s history let alone one s i can write page about the closest thing i thought of is the fact that paleontology is very limited in this state but i m not exactly sure if that subject will fly and i m almost certain that won t be able to turn that into page now i m at the point where i m just absolutely sick of college and what assignment like this keep doing to me and my mental health i swear once i have enough credit for my associate degree i am fucking done with this shit i could keep going for my bachelor s but since i m going part time it will take me another year and i can t stand the idea of having to go through all that for that much longer,1
my wife f wa doing great losing weight by walking and dieting but she expressed sn interest in working out in a gym so i bought her a gym membership for christmas a higher package that includes tanning and massage besides just the work out equipment she go night a week now after work i do kid duty in the evening after work and then just sit at home by myself if i ever try and make time for myself it is interrupted by work or home life i love my family to death would do anything for them but i have burning the candle at both end and never see any relief in sight it never stop someone always need something someone always want to bitch about something it just doesn t stop never i just want something for myself to go golfing uninterrupted to get a haircut without my phone buzzing my only release is yoga at night when the kid are in bed i know i should do it in the morning but i am just exhausted and can t i work 0 hour a week make sure all the bill are paid pick up the house every evening make dinner to time a week do homework with the kid every nigh do the dish do all the yard work and house upkeep i m just done i m spent and i feel like i can t take a second off or i will let someone down or be deemed selfish doe anyone else feel this way,1
i m a sophmore in high school and i do no extracurriculars which bother me the most i think the only hobby i have is drawing and i lost interest in band over the pandemic and i dont have the motivation to get back in i dont take challenging class because im too lazy for the workload i can barely do basic hygiene i dont exercise at all and every day after school i go home and lay in bed alone doing nothing until i go to sleep to be honest i am happier with my life than i used to be because i finally have a decent friend group so i dont feel like im wasting high school really i just feel like a huge useless loser with no hobby in comparison to my friend i cant do the most basic of thing anymore because everything is so much harder,1
i m year old and i never had a job only an internship a girlfriend and even a close friend for a long time the only thing i did wa finishing college and everything that i did after that wa to stay at home trying to find a job and failing at it i want to get over and be sucessful in my life but why doe it matter if i m already a total loser any normal person would look at an year old man that never had a job or girlfriend and say he s a loser even people from my family said that in another word sometimes i try to study programming other time i try to study thing in general but i know that i will fail and the people that hurt me will always be more sucessful than me so why i should even try,1
i always have these time where i really think about myself in middle school and i get really fuckign sad i wa bullied and treated like shit but i never really admitted to it and wa always in denial about it i never really defended myself or stood up for myself and i wa really quiet and it make me want to slit my throat like i wish i just stood up for myself and defended myself and wasn t such a coward like i can t stop thinking about it and it really fuck up my mood and i always feel so shitty about everything like it s in the past and i can t do anything about it but i can t help but move on and it s constantly in the back of my mind it literally make my blood boil for some reason i have anger issue and when i get treated shitty for no reason especially when i m really quiet and shy it make me so fucking angry like why do u feel the need to pick on someone who s so introverted and clearly not very social like fuck you fuck them all and fuck every person who ever treated me like fucking shit in middle school elemantry school i hope they fucking burn espically this one kid named nick he made my life literal torture and the worst part wa that he wa in every one of my class fuck him and i will always wish nothing but the worst on him,1
for most of my life i haven t had many significant relationship friendship i used to sit alone at lunch in high school sometimes i would even go to the restroom stall and just stand so i wouldn t have to face the embarrassment i would make good grade and work a lot to keep myself busy looking back i kept myself busy to distract myself from the fact that i m lonely i m 0 year old now and i still don t have a social life i ve only had one best friend in the entirety of my life and that friendship ended junior year of high school i ve also never had a boyfriend i ve dated someone before but that s the past sadly that situation ship further reinforced the idea of unworthiness that i feel i am coming to the realization that i have low self esteem i feel incapable of being loved and undeserving of it for some reason it always felt like i never fit in i would always overthink thing and not know what to say and how to keep the conversation going this lead to me thinking people will get tired bored of me eventually so there is no point i m literally cry because it s so frustrating when you want to change but these thought eat you up and prevent you from taking the necessary step to change i want to be able to go out without it feel draining to dress nice do my hair converse with others etc everything just feel exhausting and i have chosen not to picture myself being married one day or even having child because it s just how am i going to have a healthy everlasting marriage if i haven t had any experience so far,1
lately it s been so hard whenever i m by myself driving i just wish i could let go let go of everything and just die i ve cried for so many day now i m tired i m exhausted i feel miserable hopeless i know my life isn t so hard i know there are better thing to look at i try i really do try everyday my heart hurt and i don t know why i feel so much sadness but whyy i wish i knew i wish i didn t always feel this way i catch myself laying down on my bed just staring off thinking of nothing i m trying my best everyday to at least not cry i want to get better i want to feel happy i want to look forward i have a date tomorrow with my boyfriend i ll start with that i miss him so much i m always hopeful and hope i don t drag him down he s so kind to me and ha always seen the best of me word can t describe how much he mean to me i m sorry for venting but it feel strangely nice thank you,1
reason i m on the edge job search i m completely unemployable i lucked out and have had three real job since graduating college but i learned nothing from them i m now in my early 0 with no applicable job skill for today s market and keep getting rejection letter toxic shithead bos i put a lot of blame on this fucker he treat me like absolute shit and actively work against any career growth he ha huge anger issue a well so i m constantly walking on eggshell gossipy toxic coworkers they spread rumor about me that were untrue and constantly talk about people behind their back if we weren t remote right now and i had to be around them i d go insane so many of my workplace have been filled with these kind of fucker can t they mind their own goddamn business and just do their work humanity s fucked i ve been close with my family for a long time now but recently my parent have gone really far right i lean left and just hate a lot of their double standard my parent take that a an opportunity to take any anger out about the current state of the world on me at work and at home there is no source of relief i have no friend nobody give a shit i dream about using some of the money i ve earned up blowing it on thing i ve always wanted to do then buying a gun and shooting myself,1
hey there feel good to talk to people who just a me suffer depression i never talked about it much on the internet though one of my best buddy who is a psychiatrist my parent and some other people know about it it s not many and i feel it s better this way but at least i can talk about it here a i am anonymous on the internet i hope anyways for me it s been many year that i am in a severe depression mine ha developed through a chain of various dumb decision i made that lead me to the place i m at now thing i can t change now can t simply make forgotten since the wheel of time keep spinning it s really interesting though a a 9 year old me would have never believed to suffer severe depression year later though it started many year ago back a a 9 year old i just graduated from school successfully and had every possibility like the world wa open to me a luxury many people sadly don t have and i wa dumb enough to not see clearly ahead of me thinking about what i wanted from life or where i would love to end up now i know and thinking back my 9 year old self should have known it s not really hard to figure out and i would tell my 9 year old self to think about it and keep chasing his dream especially since there wa so much time for it the path i walked though wa a pretty dark one nothing criminal nothing that would at first glance appear a particularly dark but i managed to scare away many people that in retrospect would have been great buddy friend and even girlfriend relationship like the old saying say you are your own worst enemy it s true it really is i have experienced it myself a far a i know there are two kind of depression depression that is genetically biologically caused and depression that is the product of bad experience and decision you made let s call it a reactive depression for me a you can imagine it wa the second and i could punch myself for it a what i did in all these previous year wa almost a textbook example of what not to do bad decision the worst part is that i have this mental image of an alternate reality where i didn t decide the way i did where i wa smarter and while i know it s a mental image it doesn t feel that way the worst thing is it s a devil chain a bad experience lead to me feeling worse while some people learn to hide their depression and keep smiling and joking in front of others just so that others won t realize how you truely feel i don t have that gift a i am usually in a bad mood and are perceived a a very unfriendly person by others which again lead to social alienation which make my depression even worse it s gotten really worse the last few year interestingly after coming back from being homeless and living on the street for half a year to a point where i don t want to live anymore where i want to forget,1
i wan na bash my head against the wall till my brain fall out i m so exhausted i hate myself for the mistake i ve made i hate myself i wish i could start over again and not be such a fucking idiot why why did it have to go this way,1
lately my best friend only long term friend ha just been brushing me off we joke for hour on end and i listen to them vent almost daily but when i brought up that i lost interest in all of my hobby again they go lmao same me a month ago and changed the subject i always put in an effort to be there for them even when i m in a low place and if i m not really able to feel empathy i tell them i refer them to help hotlines they refuse to get actual help i have given them every opportunity to get professional help by making a list of therapist in their area that take their insurance i ve given them every helpline under the sun whenever i have relative advice i give it to them but they always ignore it at one point i just stopped i stopped trying so hard and realized how much they rely on me to do everything for them they asked me a question i usually google it for them and summarize it i told them to google it they got annoyed with me so i cut them off for a few week whenever we started talking again thing were going well but of course a their type doe they eventually fell back into old habit this is strike for me and while i really don t want to lose the positive time we have together they just don t outweigh the negative i m tired i ve put in constant work and effort into being a healthy and stable a i am today and i m honestly not willing to slow down or trip up because of them i m open to any feedback or advice,1
what is the point of living life suck life is hard 90 of the time the 0 that doesn t suck doesn t make up for the other 90 people say that i need to just keep on living because they would miss me they re selfish what about what i want i just want to blink out of existence before anyone start feeling like a knight in shining armor i know i m loved i know i m not alone i m know i m smart and valuable i know all the thing but none of those thing make up for the fact that i simply don t want to be here anymore,1
i ve been taking fluoxetine for two year now and my ability to orgasm i m a girl ha completely gone out the window in that time i finally felt secure enough to ask to switch medication to one that doesn t have such an impact on my sex life and i ve just been prescribed mirtazapine l d be so grateful if anyone could share their experience on mirtazapine both sexual and otherwise i ve seen online it seems to take a lot longer to start working week and i m nervous about feeling worse in that time too i am continuing to take fluoxetine whilst we increase the mirtazapine so i don t go without doe it feel different to ssri s did it help your sexual life did it make you feel worse before it made you feel better what are the side effect like,1
idk if anyone else get this feeling but i do and it never really go away i get this feeling everywhere and all the time like i just don t belong i always feel like i don t belong anywhere like no one will ever get me i know that sound kinda childish but it s true i just never belong anywhere and any time i try to talk about something i m very interested in it seems like i m the only one interested in these thing and i m always the one they call weird and ostracised i m always the butt of a joke with my friend and family i never get to talk about the thing i wan na talk about even my closest friend don t get me i just feel so alone all the time and it often lead me to making terrible decision any time i think i m happy i just ruin it then that lead me to get paranoid any time i m happy which again lead to me ruining it again i feel like this sound like nonsense but idk how to properly put this feeling into a coherent sentence sorry if this wa too long too,1
life seems to be so unfair how come i am mentally struggling and unwell 0x more compared to people who abuse substance or i guess sometimes to people who just drink a lot smoke a lot of weed etc it doesn t seem to affevt them negatively meanwhile i am completely sober but seems to be going through so much shit sleep issue regardless of no substance abuse i jusy don t understand,1
time go by so fast i had two day off work and i wasted them away just lying in bed i want to do something productive apply for college take a walk outside talk to girl literally do anything other than sink further into this constant malaise but i simply don t know where to find the energy putting effort into thing just drain me even more it s absolutely miserable the way life seems to be,1
here i am back again currently it s am and i m holding back what can only be described a a mental break from my roommate and this dude who s also sleeping over it s really wild how there s a grey area over expression of emotion it s like emotion are only cool to be expressed when it s convenient to others and every other time is just a complete drag on society and those around you,1
hi i m m i m pretty sure i have depression im sad literally all the time and i just wanted to explain a lot to get some feedback sorry if it s too much so im around 0 0lbs and ft so im fat no girl ever liked or like me i don t like myself i don t look good in clothes nothing i have a loving family but i feel so alone i constantly think about what it would be like to be a normal weight and have people actually like me i stay awake until am and wake up too tired to stay awake in school or on weekend i wake up at like or i ve been going to the gym day a week with my friend lost lb hopefully this help me shed the weight but even though i count calorie i constantly eat unhealthy or fast food i feel like i m a failure to my friend and family i had this girl who i talked to for many year her and i were very close and she finally pushed me away i constantly wonder if maybe i would still be close with her if i wa a normal weight i have no motivation and i can t cry anymore i try but it just doesn t come out i have nobody to tell all this a when i try they say it s too depressing and they don t want to talk about it anymore even though all this is going on i don t have any intention or even the slightest thought of suicide or self harm i just want to be normal and loved,1
yeah once i m alone i get so so depressed i ve only been at home for a day because it s my off day and i m already feeling like shit like there s nothing to look forward to i would opt to go out but i don t have money for it to be a good day with friend i know that there are thing we can do that doesn t require money but food is a necessity and i can t really go out without spending on food i d go to a friend s house but i only have one friend who s house is always available but she life too far away it s really hard to realise that the only thing keeping me sane is distraction like work i try to be more involved with my family but they always make me feel like shit i try to reach out to my friend but they re always busy signing up for cool class like yoga or pottery or whatever would help me meet new people but it cost money and plus i work hr day a week it s hard to spare time and my adhd causing me time blindness doe not help at all like yeah i have free day but when you count in the hour i spend having executive dysfunction or procrastinating it s basically nothing i can t relax for shit when i m on my own it s hard to reach out to people when they don t take whatever i feel seriously i just wish they cared enough to reach out and be willing to spend some time with me even if we don t have money i hate being alone so much fyi i am on an internship and i m being paid 0 a month and my family is not financially stable,1
i m have been feeling down lately and my mum brought up something today that really made me feel worse i want to disclaim that i do not at all blame my mother for this she wa bringing up a fair and valid point that i had been trying to ignore i am extremely lucky and go to a quite fancy school but my mother constantly feel the need to bring up that i m wasting all of the excellent opportunity there while this is true it suddenly hit me that she wa right and that i felt like i wa not only wasting school opportunity but my own life my sister also ha mental health issue and is seeing a psychologist and i feel like i need a similar set up however i feel awful about telling my mum that she will have to send her other kid to therapy a well is there any way to see a therapist by myself online or something,1
i love my family i have a slightly distant yet mostly kind older brother a supporting and caring mother and a funny and relatable father i have a stable home life and have a roof over my head and i never starve i would say i have an amazing family and life yet i constantly ruin it i ve been sick and i ll probably need to repeat the grade even doing online course i don t know if i can even pas high school my parent have spent a lot of medical fund for a useless child i have no friend since covid started due to online course and the only people that i constantly to other than my family are doctor and my tutor i make sure that my family never find out i m suicidal though they don t need any more problem i don t even know if you would call me a suicidal a i only have suicidal thought daily i don t cut myself or do anything like that but the reason is because i want to see my family in japan one last time before i die we re going on a trip to japan this summer and that s the sole thing i m living for i m scared of the thought of what will happen to me once i no longer have anything to look forward to i know that at this point i ll probably kill myself the second we come back here at least i ll be known a the cousin who probably died first instead of the suicidal one or a drug addict i know how much my entire family pretend my cousin who is a drug addict doesn t exist so i know the horrid backlash that would occur if i survived i know that if i fail dying i ll fake a recovery before properly offing myself sorry this ended up turning into a suicide idolization rant if you managed to even read it this far i bet your thinking why don t i just get a therapist therapy solves everything not i had a therapist for a whole month and i hated the judging eye the subtle why are you here you have a great life and the fact that they treat you like some kind of test subject orochimaru like creepy people i honestly managed to connect more with my tutor that i ve only known for month who i only met once every two week on zoom never met her in person now i bet your thinking wait why did you contradict yourself you said that your family didn t know you are suicidal and yet you had a therapist it wa because i had to go to so many doctor so often that mother thought about my mental health and gave me a therapist i had the therapist or month before my mother decided that i wa just fine i thank my ability to hide suicidal thought well thank you reddit for letting me make this confession i felt like i needed to say it somewhere where no one would ever find out who i am,1
for the past year and a half i ve had constant tiredness fatigue and just haven t felt like myself i used to be pretty active always working on project excited about life for the last year and a half i just feel like a shell of myself tired and meh i m also hungry constantly i ve seen my doctor and a few different specialist and had plenty of blood work done including thyroid and everything ha been normal no sleep apnea no anemia no lyme my doc said we have essentially ruled out most if not all straight up medical cause of fatigue beyond the possibility i m just not getting good sleep due to underlying stress or anxiety hard for me to tell how well i m sleeping not waking up refreshed but i m in bed for hr a night i ve begun to wonder if i m simply depressed since everything else ha kind of been ruled out i don t feel very sad and i don t feel hopeless i don t lack the motivation to do all the thing i love i just feel too tired or lazy to do them but i really want to be my old self again if i could snap my finger and have my energy back i d do it in a heartbeat how do i know if i m depressed,1
how would you feel if you had told someone that you were depressed and then later on they said that to you idk how to feel ab it on one hand i m like ok that s really good that they see me the same way and not like just a depressed person on the other hand i don t feel so good bc it s like they don t acknowledge that part of me i guess what doesn t sit right w me is the fact that they perhaps have some sort of image in their head of what depression look like so when i m not explicitly expressing my depression they forget you have depression idk maybe i m overthinking this but y all lmk your opinion bc i m interested in other povs,1
i came from my ex boyfriend year ago i lived year only like i wa breathing air and nothing more no interest no hobby no people only my room an pc and game i went trough some trauma and i thought someone found me a a person he heard me everything but couple day ago he got sick a he turned 0 he doe not care nothing i dont know what to do what to think i am overthinking about the worst thing that he will leave me after all i said to him did to for him everything i am in really bad condition due to my friend suddenly passed away depression and threatening a he did not handle it so yes he took his life i really miss the person who can i talk write i dont know what have i done i bought perfume for me i wrote to him he didnt even notice we were playing together but now we not when i asked him what is wrong with me he said nothing but when he played yesterday and i waited for him he played with his friend i literally cried the whole evening i feel i am not enough and i think when he will be fine it wont be like before,1
i don t want to fight cause i know that won t work and i also know it s odd because they touch my poofy big curly hair probably because i m a guy and also when i sneeze they laugh and stuff and just say stuff like oh covid kid with the lion mane is spreading covid when in reality it s just my severe allergy,1
been depressed my whole life it feel like i used to have hope maybe high school wa rough but college will be my time to have fun and be happy then college wa traumatizing but i told myself thing will be better once i get a job and am done with school well guess what the time ha come and working 9 is a hell worse than all the others my whole life ha been miserable and it ha only gotten worse and worse why on earth would i believe thing will get better it ha never happened that s just on a personal level too with everything that s going on in the world environmentally politically even if i wa a mentally happy person who can honestly feel optimistic about the future of humanity after experiencing the past couple year my spirit feel truly crushed in a way i can t even describe even if i heal some of my mental illness what s the point what do i have to look forward to working til i die the thing i d do just to feel happy for one day,1
anyone know a good way i can work on not over thinking thing a much it s starting to take a toll,1
year have passed but the only thing that doesn t seem to pas is this tough phase of loneliness i have had a very troubled childhood i wa bullied throughout school probably since every grade post th i didn t have any friend used to roam alone in school during recess coz sitting alone in class without friend used to make me feel really awkward and sad i am now graduated college but situation hasn t gotten that better i did make few society friend lately but they only contact me whenever they need my help or vice versa i tried talking normally too but to no avail they would simply seen zone me i tried dating site too many a time but they were a big flop they always ended up damaging my self esteem a i never ever got more than like whenever on festival when my society friend call me to hangout they always boast that how amazing their experience have been with girl in college someone wa hooking up with different chick in a single week someone else just competed year of relationship am the only fucking one in the entire group of 0 who ha never dated even once it make me feel really really sad and just completely destroys my self esteem i have never ever kissed a girl never held hand with any girl and it just go on and on it make me feel like a failure i feel like i got no one in life it s even tough to sum it up all in this post a there s just too much stuff to share the family issue failed attempt at getting a girl getting used by a girl and then getting blocked from her and much more it make it impossible for me to focus on my study thankyou so much for giving me your time lt much love,1
i don t know if this is my depression or various other diagnosis i have ptsd anxiety etc but i ve been trying so hard to work on school stuff and i just can t do it i open the article i m supposed to read and i read the first sentence i know what word i m reading just like i know what word i m typing here but the time i get to the next sentence i ve completely forgotten what the previous one said it s become an awful cycle of re reading thing until i eventually give up and spiral into bad coping habit i feel like my brain is melting ha anyone else experienced this i feel awful because i m only i m supposed to be youthful and smart but i m just losing every part of who i used to be i have one job and that is being a student and i can t even do that right,1
in 0 0 my wife and i moved back to my small hometown due to price of living and being closer to family since then it ha been just the worst year of my life the pandemic started getting serious so we distanced ourselves from my family because everyone wa still going out and acting like we weren t in a plague we have small child one ha a very weak immune symptom we were basically ostracized and told how selfish we were to a point where i got very close to taking my own life thing got better but i m not a close to my mom a i used to be the whole ordeal made me realize how much of a narcissist she is and that she turn everything into a fight recently we pulled my year old out of pre school because many kid i his class got covid with the intent of sending him back a soon a he can get vaccinated my mom is constantly fighting with me and my wife saying we are failing my son anytime i try to even explain my side she turn it into a fight i m at a point where i just can t do it anymore i m mentally exhausted in my head i m already planning on selling our house in the hopefully near future and moving this is just me venting because i have no one else to vent to i can t connect with anyone here in this town because most of them never got out,1
every time i go home i would walk to the long bridge near the campus then wear my earphone so that i won t feel lonely a i walk through the bridge i d notice different soul some don t care others seem happy but few are just lonely a i am can they also see my soul so i d walk fast enough for them not to see mine i don t like going home because i would feel the loneliness more echoing through me however at the same time a i spend time outside i d feel how pitiful my life ha become seeing how others laugh and smile can they also feel the loneliness darkness brings every night maybe everything seems endless but i know i d be okay somehow someday i only need to wait a little bit more and be stronger so that this sadness wouldn t consume me faster than i d feel when my happiness come,1
i m in my 0 and talking with my coworkers made me realize how different i wa they talk about the different party they ve been to and how drunk they got i don t think i ve been to a party with more than people where we were drinking i mostly drink alone and have no issue putting a liter down of 0 alchohol in an evening my life feel like only pain and alchohol is the only relief i get why do i live with this curse i have been severely depressed since i wa 0 i can t hardly remember life before depression i ve had a few attempt but always chickened out before i could take off the safety so i drink i dont like bar i already spend to much on cheap bottle of liquor i dont like drinking but it s the only relief i feel cheated out since i never experienced the fun of party where drinking wa about having fun rather than just drowning,1
i can t stand feeling like nobody care anymore it sound weird and desperate but i really just want to love someone and them to love me back,1
on the surface i can think of a lot of reason feeling ashamed about needing med worrying about side effect forgetting about them etc but at the end of the day i can t say exactly why i just know i don t want to take my med at the same time i know i need them i know that without them i simple task like showering and doing dish feel impossible i ll fall behind on my schoolwork isolated myself and sleep hour a day i know they work for me and that i ve felt much better when i wa taking them regularly but dang it i just don t want to take them one day i just ignored my alarm to take them and then i ve kept doing it now i take them so sporadically that they can t be doing much they re an ssri and mood stabilizer so they need to build up in your system and such part of me think maybe i just hate the daily reminder that i m not ok like i think that maybe if i ignore it for long enough i ll forget that i feel that way but even knowing that may be a part of it it doesn t feel like that s all there is to it and i don t know what to do about it mostly i m just wondering if anyone else feel like this too and if you do do you know why you feel that way and what may have helped you get back on track with taking them regularly i ve talked to my therapist and friend but i haven t been able to really figure out the full reason i feel this way or how to get back to taking them regularly if you ve dealt with this before or think you may understand why this resistance to taking med is happening i d appreciate hearing some potential reason or way to improve this of course everyone s mental health is unique so i may not relate to someone else s reason but i would still really appreciate hearing any potential one so i can understand my feeling about this a bit better,1
i ve been having this thought that depression is very to addiction the harder you try to push away depression usually the harder it rip you back in additionally non adicts non depressed think they are strong enough to put down the pill or booze for good or just brighten up and snap out of depression,1
it so hard to open up to people because even the one im close with forget about meksksjsjshdjsjs i ll die and they ll wonder why didn t she say anything well babe i did but nobody cared enough to remember the urge to make everyone feel guilty over it is real,1
i ve been dealing with depression for pretty much a long a i can remember wa diagnosed with it a a child some day are better than others the same can be said about the month and even year to be honest i never thought i would make it to the age i am now and have never really given any thought to what i wanted out of life besides the basic thing like friend loved one and many even a romantic partner outside of that i am lost i don t have a dream job in mind really and i don t have any set goal i m getting older and it feel like the wall are closing in on what time i have left and i don t know what to do i have friend and family who love me but they have their life pretty much together at this point or are close to their goal i have a job i hate no career option i can t drive and don t have any education outside of high school i feel like i just exist i have to rely on people for ride which make me feel like a burden i don t have enough money to make it on my own so i live with my parent i feel like friend keep me around out of pitty because i tend to be the one to start every conversation i m a part of people s life but have nothing of my own i don t know what to do anymore i know i m not at my worst yet because some thing still bring me some joy but none of that fix the problem i have no motivation i try to reach out for help but i don t exactly get any i pretty much get pushed to the back burner a lot and i get it people have their own thing to deal with but i need help i can t do this alone because doing it on my own isn t working i just want to leave this place i m in the job the town the everything probably and find what i want whatever that is i don t even know if i m looking for advice or just to have someone tell me i m not crazy,1
i just feel really alone talking to ppl might just drag them down with me too idk reddit rlly is just the only place i can truly share my feeling on,1
i fucking hate how you start to get to know someone and think they re pretty cool then they block you on everything and it just fuck suck make me want to cry all day and just ignore everyone but i know i can t,1
i ve always been this put together person in people s eye but in reality i m so close to the end i see no light at the end of the tunnel i have no passion motivation and anything that generates to being happy i don t know what to do i m in constant despair i don t really like opening up to anyone i know i just feel like there s nothing i can do to fix this,1
i m in my early 0 and realized it ll almost be 0 year since i wa diagnosed the time of my life supposed to filled with fun memory have been nothing but pain i don t intend on living another decade like this,1
simply put i did not take college or any role post h seriously it s why i m forever living with limitation,1
i ve struggled with suicidal thought for a long time and i ve been close to attempting many time but there wa a day about a month ago on which i stopped drinking water out of desperation i hoped to die from dehydration i wa aware that it wouldn t work since i don t live alone and someone would notice i wa also aware that dehydration would be a slow and painful way to go that s why i started drinking water again on the next day wa this an attempt it didn t really feel like one because i wa nowhere near of dying but the intention wa there,1
you exit the game when you re bored or if you don t like it or if it make you feel bad right you don t snoop around for literal year waiting for the stagnant and painful game to get better right so i don t understand why i m still here i guess i m just afraid to exit the game because i ve been playing it my whole life i don t know what i ll do when i leave it it s like my game is plagued with a virus no matter what i do it won t get better i ve tried my hardest and my best to fix it fix the root of it but i ve been cursed since birth and no matter what i do it won t get better it s why i m so depressed because it will never go away i either live with it or die i am so fucking over playing this game i m so over cry and feeling like shit every waking moment i have to play the game i don t want to play anymore,1
the thought of living the rest of my life with depression is so sad and i don t think i can handle it i am already dead inside but i still have to live with my body i couldn t see my life other than being boring and empty there is just nothing to look forward to the regret from my past keep haunting me and there is no way to stop it no matter how hard i try to improve every day is the same a i dropped out from college and currently unemployed with unsupportive parent i believe my life is already in ruin,1
i don t have someone emotionally close by my parent do love me but it s cold and lack intimacy i am looking to feel emotionally safe i am trying to find a girlfriend with whom i can be safe emotionally but till them i feel i am fighting alone with no one to give me a hand if i fall emotionally to get up so i fear doing lot of thing i live in state of fear like i might one wrong thing with a date work etc and domino will fall and everything will come crumbling down which will now even push me off my physical safety couple of thing about me i am m brown man from india currently living in europe i had childhood where i had oppositional defiant disorder imagine the junior healy from problem child or the movie the babadook but he had understanding father i didn t had such supporting figure and school made it clear to my mother if he isn t disciplined he will be kicked out of school and she fearing i would not have better future without school education i will be left behind she implemented corporal punishment like kicking me hitting with metal rod etc and routine shaming at school for me being bad wa common getting kicked out of class wa common so much that now i joke about my childhood a being and outstanding student because of many time i wa to stand out of class there wa a point when thing got to boiling point that my mom wished i wasn t born to her eventually i realized the pain i caused people about me i started to doing thing to make others my mom happy well i tried it didn t worked always i never lost my rebel streak but a constant ping in my head would haunt me of thing i have done to cause others inconvenience in past somewhere down the line i lost myself and i trying to be myself but i fear of falling in my old self and everybody hating me i have fear of judgment like one recent example i live in white neighborhood and given the medium doesn t have that many positive image of young brown man other than extremely nerdy or extremely creepy and i fear if i like someone who isn t brown might judge me don t get me wrong if a stoic brown girl come in my life with good sense of humor and decent looking i don t mind having a relationship with her but i fear if we both have exposed to similar set of medium trope she might judge me by same parameter i try to use humor a coping mechanism to make people around me happy but then get in overthinking and depression mode if one person doesn t laugh or find me annoying i have intimacy issue i think i don t remember exact detail but i wa being cheeky a usual with a girl back in india she wa laughing at my joke and at one point she said you so cute and hugged me that feeling of hug felt so foreign that i stood there frozen i am hyper independent cause my mom have warned me since childhood that world is not safe place and people can take advantage of you so never be under anybody s thumb which i guess make sense not gon na lie but it also make you skeptical of lot of people which is also not good i guess i will help someone with no second thought but asking for help make me feel like keep a large rock on my heart so i forgo my need seeing happy couple make me depressed a i feel left behind like i should have done this long time ago anybody can tell me something or provide me with link or insight a for now i couldn t afford therapy i am trying to find one i am in talk with a therapy at a church in a city thanks a lot,1
today i finally shoved the last person out of my life that i wa keeping around only because i didn t want to feel completely and utterly alone it s ok they were using me for their own benefit a well but i broke down i realized that i m depressed again i wa trying really really hard to avoid admitting it to myself but i am ive gained about 0 pound in two month some of which i had lost and wa feeling really good about i have absolutely no friend left im struggling in school really bad so bad that i don t think i m going to graduate highschool this year and i don t have a car anymore so all i m doing is going to work or sitting at home in my room when i say i have absolutely no one i really truly mean it i couldn t name one friend that i have and my family doesn t like me either they always say that you really do have people but i don t and i can t talk to people because of the pandemic i have terrible social anxiety and i can t connect with people i m overweight and getting worse so it s not like i m approachable i truly don t believe that people would care if i wa gone sure someone dying is terrible and it s sad of course but me being gone wouldn t really affect any one after awhile i m getting to a point where i don t know whether i should wait for thing to get better or give up it s really feeling like there s no point in waiting because thing aren t going to get better no matter how long i wait i m really losing hope and i don t know what to do anymore i cant afford therapy and i really don t have anyone else to talk to,1
hi everyone i find myself in a sad situation and i can t really seem to be able to find a way out or support so i thought i could write about it here i m 0 and moved to study abroad month ago i love college and i love what i do i am fairly aware i am privileged in more way than one and that i should be happy about it but it s not enough when i left i tried my best to leave everything behind a much a i could because i know i will never live in my home country again and that s sort of the goal anyways a someone who ha generalized anxiety overall i am also aware that this wa a very big step in itself i have been struggling with depression and anxiety that also take toll on my physical health from time to time since i moved but everything got worse a few week ago i had a week long break from university and i forced myself not to go home so i can be more accustomed to living here the problem wa that i barely went out for week being too anxious to do so and also my neighbour and friend wa also visiting her home country i felt very alone and isolated now i started college again and i realise every day how stupid that wa and i m stuck on wanting to turn back time which i know is impossible i cry every day i wish to go home and i have major problem performing at university i honestly don t know what to do i feel hopeless and alone if anyone ha any advice i would really appreciate it thank you,1
it s like no matter what i do i fuck it all up why am i a giant fuck up machine,1
i don t feel a will to live i don t want a family i don t want to work a 9 for 0 year and then die i have friend they care about me and my family is very loving but i can t see myself just being another copy of a human who is normal speaks normal and act normal i don t feel like doing anything if i end up just being a man who dosen t really live i ll just kill myself,1
i m on lexapro 0mg i feel is going well and i think lexapro saved my life but somedays i feel like i have no energy not interested or is super hard to get out from bed is this normal i mean i have a good experience with lexapro but for a reason that i don t know somedays are just awful i ll talk this with my doctor but i would like to know if someone experimented the same,1
i m not sure if this a thought process shared by few or many but it s one i wanted some clarity on i ve suffered with mental illness since my later high school year and and now starting my rd year of university i have ambition and desire and all the intent in the world to do good with myself and be the best i can be i have goal not super defined which i think is a result of my illness but i just can t bring myself to really go for it i ve been skipping class cause of anxiety issue whilst simultaneously being completely aware of how much of my life is being wasted away because my brain won t let me do what i want to do is this a common thing it s a complete self awareness of what i m doing wrong but an incapability to change it really would like some thought on this,1
i wish i had someone i could talk to i know they wouldnt care but itd be nice to know i have friend,1
i always feel like i dont matter,1
in this post i will reveal the center to my problem and i better get started ive never been in a relationship before strangely i never really been attracted to many people before but recently back in november while i wa riding my bus home i seen a girl who blew my mind away she s so beautiful she s everything i find attractive she still ride my bus and i usually sit right behind her she never talked to me and i never talked to her the only interaction we had wa when she handed me a clipboard to right my name because the bus driver wa making seating chart i can t stop thinking about her i want to talk to her so bad but i never will because i m lame and have no social skill it s hard to cope with knowing there someone who relates to you so much you see everyday but not being able to go say hi it suck i m not mad i m just fucking sad man i want to cry,1
i m and i feel like my life is completely pointless i struggle with ocd and most of the time it consumes my every waking thought i go to therapy but somehow i never end up doing the homework and i m not making a much progress a i should be i go to my local community college even though i do really well in my class it doesn t feel like an accomplishment i originally got into a good university but dropped out very quickly due to poor mental health now a lot of my previous friend have actually graduated with degree from year university while i m still kind of stuck i can t drive and i don t have a friend group i have one close friend and a few acquaintance but i struggle with making new close friend because i am extremely socially anxious i used to have more friend but i ve burned most of those bridge looking at my life i don t really see much to live for i feel disconnected from everyone else in society and i can t escape my anxiety every stride i make seems to be temporary and i am so tired of having to struggle through every day i don t really have a point i guess i m just venting i honestly don t know if anyone can do anything for me i know i need to do the work myself it just feel pointless,1
fuck myself fuck life fuck people fuck society fuck everything because fuck fuck fuck all of this bullshit i would ve never fucking chosen life why am i expected to live it fuck just fuck all of this,1
i am suicidal almost everyday i have about half a semester left of my st year of college i am constantly studying or driving to school or doing homework i do not have time to go to the doctor for my mental health but i think it s gon na be too late one day i simply can not find the motivation to use one of my limited free day during the week to go to the doctor because i d rather lay in bed because i m depressed this is the worst sickness ever,1
i really need a diagnosis my body hurt sometimes not in a pain way but like a close relative ha died my heart sink my hand shake but it s over a very minor thing my head is saying everything is fine logical but my body feel horrible like i want to burst into tear i d rather physical pain than this i ve broken my finger punching stuff just to snap out of it which work but the best way is for someone to tell me i m wrong tell me that i m thinking stupidly but it s ok and that everything is alright and then it go away this ha happened for a couple year now and i hate it and i need some help it s happening a i write this and i have no one to talk to to feel alright and my head went straight to punching something so i can feel alright again but i know i shouldn t do that i d really appreciate some help,1
month ago i wa hospitalized because deperssion i wa diagnosed with depression they put me on abilify and depakote not first time on med year ago i wa on seroquel depakote and klonopin because my psy tought i wa bipolar but maniac phase or psychosis never happened and fit me i remember the last day in hospital i had this urge need of masturbate orgasm were beautiful and after i got home i had for a week these urge of masturbation and good orgasm but only in masturbation a i remember not in sex too someone had the same experience i wa recently diagnosed with adhd my psychiatric tapered off abilify and im now mg next week 0 i started with depakote 0 mg and 0 mg abilify next week i will be start again ritalin for my adhd why i had this increased libido thank you everybody,1
it s my fourth week withdrawing from paroxetine mg cr and currently i m on 0mg daily but i m going through hell will have 0 mg every alternate day starting next week pray for my soul,1
today my teacher called me and told me if i had trouble in class because i didnt do any of the activity she assigned she asked me specifically if i had trouble at home which i don t it somehow made me felt validated since i dont really have much to be sad about and she thinking i had it worse lmao in truth im probably just a whiny little kid that just want someone validation everyone around me tell me that im just lazy my parent and my cousin that wa once the person closest to me the worse part is that it like pm and i still didnt do shit and it suck because i have to go tomorrow again and she ll ask again i dont want to tell her anything because she ll probably call my mom or something lol she doesnt deserve this either dont want her to do something significant and care too much about me it not worth it im not worth it,1
hello i ll try to keep this brief i grew up in an abusive household and came to study in the u to get away from that last semester i wa assaulted my therapist say i might have some sadness and depression and i know i do but my main concern is how since starting college i literally even if my life depended on it can not focus on work i don t know if this is due to lack of motivation due to depression or some attention issue i think it might be a combination i m going to hopkins this summer for an internship and plan to see a psychiatrist there who can diagnose me any idea what kind of psychologist i should look for,1
i m really close to my family and my parent are the most important people in my life which make me so scared for the day that one of them dy and our life change this is my biggest fear and the worst thing is that it will actually happen some day this fear of losing the most important people in my life ha also affected my love life a in i m scared to get into a serious relationship or to think about a future with someone i really love kid but i don t think i would be able to handle all the pain if something wa to happen to them all of this make me think that maybe this really is a hell on earth did i do something bad in my previous life that now i m in hell of my own thought i wonder if there are others with these worry and making you scared to love people say that grief is the price you pay for love but i don t think i can mentally handle that and sorry if i made some grammar error english is my second language,1
i don t quite remember the dream part of it wa strange like all dream the place and the people who were with me changed and i don t know exactly who they were a bit like all dream but i remember that at one point i came to my room i saw a girl reading one of my book i sat next to her i gave her a kiss and she told me that she loved me i ve been awake for hour and i m still holding back the urge to cry,1
fuck toxic positivity you have every right to feel angry pissed depressed frustrated sad numb tired exhausted if your life s shit no even if your life isn t shit it s fucking okay,1
im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can someone help me do it where can i go to do it i think it will irresponsib e for me to just jump into traffic a i don t want others to suffer i just want to go quietly are there any service like that why is it so hard to log out of this life anybody wan na kill me no string attached we are the breath,1
i have been living my sadness for a year i lost my wife and i don t want to continue here i want to see her again i want to be with her i am trying to continue my life but i miss her so much,1
since i wa diagnosed with depression my mother pretty much didn t care about the case that i have it every time i try to approach to her and like to talk about my problem she just groan annoyed about it and tell me to be more positive no deep conversation no sight of empathie only typical standard bullshit phrase every person would say who never had it and can t understand it i went through some ruff shit and after everything that happend i just get those bland annoyed response from the person who gave birth to me,1
i am still doing online class my college take me hour to reach and i feel comfortable without expending gasoline car stuff and heat i live in a place where is a dessert and one of my only type of interaction is social medium i use most instagram and reddit and just today a girl who i think is pretty and everything just told me thing about why am i like her photo and i wa like this is serious she wa mad about it she wa mad because i like her photo and profile i don t have friend i ve been mentally unstable for almost year i always wan na kill myself and i believe death is the true freedom and these kind of thing happening wtf doesn t help doesn t work i know i should just ignore her and understand my position and situation but wtf humanity she said to stop doing that to others and do something else and i wa girl these are the only place where i met and i can meet people why i d feel bad about it fuck,1
i can feel tired all day but a soon a i m in bed i can t sleep i lay in bed for hour with my eye closed unable to sleep i have tried melatonin but it make it hard for me to wake up i have just been having a lot of trouble sleeping even when i m able to sleep i always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake i just wan na be able to sleep early for once and be able to feel well rested in the morning any advice,1
even today it s a strain on society people thinking people with depression are over acting lazy making excuse even with the people who believe in it they still don t know how bad it get thinking you can change that everything will be okay or my own personal favorite a lot of people have it worse i remember finally reaching out for help on the hotline only to have the police knock on my door handcuff me and take me to the hospital i wa next to the ambulance triage door and saw multiple people enter and exit while screaming and a patient in front of me decided to do perverted act in front of me i m more traumatized by the help i got also where i live the mental health place for teen is a death trap there are many one star review for one of the few main mental health place where i live it suck that i want to get help but society just literally treat me like i m wrong or that the place where i want to get help aren t safe i do have a therapist but i still don t feel safe around her,1
i don t know what to so with my life i m tired of trying i m in med for my bipolar and bpd but i just can t anymore i m mad i can t be sad because of the med and it s making me crazy i can t feel anything just i feel like live it s pointless to me i only enjoy when i live for others and i don t have anyone i m tired,1
i m an year old male and i have spent my last couple year with little hope and lot of sadness i am writing this after failing my rd driving test 0 each i have failed my test time and just been working a fuck tonne at mcdonald s to pay for my repeated failure that s not the start though i m estranged from my family my biological dad left probably for a good reason been threatened to be kicked out my house keep in mind i need to pas my test before i leave my house for a job which is making it even more stressful most in part to my drug addiction mainly weed yes weed i ve tried to quit weed time in the last month and the furthest i ve achieved is four day before smoking again this girl i really liked dipped after one night i wanted to go to uni but got a senior year score of about out of 99 at this point i just think i m going to fail forever i feel almost selfish for making myself sound like i m experiencing what ukrainian are right now but the constant cloud of pain is so much can someone please help me see the bigger picture i m sorry,1
i 0m recently had to move back in with my parent and i have become incredibly depressed due to many reason living here they aren t too keen on therapy and i wa looking into cerebral doe anyone have any experience and can give an honest review of it,1
i have hit 0 and i had friend from highschool left i kept seeing them for the last few year but when i see them now i feel lonely and i basically cut content a few week back i have one friend left who is going through load of stuff and hardly ha any time to hang out so i basically feel so alone all the time it s crippling i feel like i m a ghost in this city no friend left no opportunity i just feel like i failed not getting out of here sooner i live in perth western australia and i wanted to move to melbourne year ago and a i wa getting ready covid struck and now i m stuck in a city i hate with people that don t value friendship i wa seeing a girl form month and she ended up cheating on me with my friend and her ex husband she broke my heart told me she loved me i invested a bit of money in cryptocurrencies and i ve 0k fuck i had enough for a deposit on a house or a new car what do i do instead i let my depression destroy me i spent 0k on hooker and weed i went through month of pure destruction i am sitting on 0k left now in cryptocurrencies i doing a bachelor of marketing and i wa going to elaborate graduating with my friend yet after the girl cheated on me i wa emotionally fucked i dropped down from unit to unit then i found out my brother wa raped he is and that dropped me so low i should have protected him then i finally got off the weed a month ago and now i have this crippling depression that keep getting deeper i keep isolating myself i don t go outside because i don t have a job i m working on getting down to the mine here so i can actually earn a living and buy some cryptocurrency honestly turning 0 ha been the worst for me i m at such a cross road and my mental strength ha been reduced to nothing the other day nearly drove myself off the road on a steep hill i thought of my family last minute and decided not to,1
they said if i got off my lazy as and got a job my depression would go away i d finally have a reason to live that i would be more confident and happy and now that i have a perfectly pleasant job with good pay i feel miserable i think about tomorrow with the utmost dread even tho i know tomorrow won t be so bad the worst thing that can happen is i ll embarrass myself or say something awkward but when i think about going to work tomorrow the next immediate thought is well honestly i d rather just not be alive everyone told me once i got a job and stopped being a disappointment i d be happy but now i might have some money and can pay some bill but that s it i don t feel more confident or fulfilled i feel lonelier than ever because if i tell anyone i d rather die than go to work i ll come off a spoiled and entitled instead of someone whose brain is always stuck in the flight response,1
i stopped my dad from killing himself yesterday and idk what i should do i don t know how to help him i offered to help him talk to a therapist but he said no i m afraid to lose him when i pulled the gun out of his hand he looked so scared and overwhelmed he even said thank you for now i took the gun from the house i hope to god it wa just a one off and he won t try again but i don t know how to help i know i can call 9 and they will put him in a hospital for his own safety i don t know i m scared of doing that he doesn t like hospital any help would be appreciated i m completely lost,1
even after year i still feel the hole that she made i m trying so hard but nothing work,1
i know it s getting to a low point again i don t want to leave my bed my grade are low my mom is worried and if she doesn t bring me food to my room i would eat i can t shower i can t help myself from sleeping i told my boyfriend and i feel like he is not here for me not with this depression stuff i don t want to do all i do is cry and sleep i m so tired and i don t even move to go to the bathroom i hate being in this loop i just hate everything and i don t want to talk to anyone but i know i need help i thought i wa doing better but i m at my lowest again,1
i have a hard time articulating how i really feel and it frustrates me to no end i just wan na let it all out but it so hard it make it a lot difficult to seek help when i can t really explain what i m feeling and thinking about i can somewhat recognize what i m feeling but the moment i try to write it down or explain it my mind go blank though i can say a part of me doe feel guilty for unloading all my problem onto someone so maybe thats one of the reason i m unable to reach out to people for help plus another part of me is like trying to convince myself i m actually ok and faking it or being overdramatic which also stop me from saying anything so i usually turn to the internet to see if there s anyone who might feel the same way and could explain it in word better than i can i m sort of relieved to know that there are other people feeling exactly what i m feeling cause it really make me feel like i m not alone in this although it really suck that we all have to go through this i m not in a good state right now so i can t really give word of encouragement without feeling like a hypocrite but yeah you re definitely not alone in this,1
i am afraid that they are gon na abandon me or hurt me when people talk around me sometimes i feel out of place and i start to daydream and isolate myself i am afraid to love someone i am afraid that they will realize that i am worthless and abandon me so i stay alone single and i have a hard time loving myself i don t take my place i don t like going out in group often i find that the group move on without realizing that someone is left behind it make me sad i ve had different friend and i ve evolved over time there have been more enjoyable group and i am doing therapy since year yet i don t fit in anywhere i feel traumatized plugged into a different wave it make me want to run away from everything i feel like i don t have what it take inside of me that i don t know how to find myself what can i do,1
my spouse say they are a highly sensitive person based on some reading that they have done they re also a mental health professional so they may not be jumping to conclusion too soon but i have some concern they have a lot of mood swing low self esteem and self confidence when they re not working they re almost always doom scrolling on instagram they have no interest in outdoor activity and they re also easily affected by the issue of client they see a a part of their job i see all this and tell them that they may need to see a therapist themselves because i had similar symptom and got mental health help myself but i m almost always met with a snappy response saying that they re just highly sensitive and don t see the need for therapy thought anyone,1
i m miserable most of the time but life is only bearable when i m with my cat but i don t think i m her favourite person anymore she stopped cuddling with me and never sleep with me now instead she spends most of her time with my brother and only come to me when she need food it s been like this for a few month and it really hurt i don t know what to do i m thinking of getting a dog when i eventually move out but that s so far from now,1
so tired i struggle to wake up in the morning because i dont want to i want my life to be quicker yet it so slow i wish thing were genuinely better,1
doe anyone else feel like this there nothing in life that make me think yeah i genuinely wan na be here ive attempted suicide before and i dont think i necessarily wan na die it just there nothing about life that i like i hate school i hate working i hate waking up i hate getting out of bed i hate having resposibilities i hate everything that come with living i hate everything to do with society money etc i have no motivation to get up and make a change hell i dont even want to at this point i dont see why i should nothing really satisfies me anymore too im currently in the process of getting a therapist so maybe they ll help me figure out what i should do but everything about life i hate if there anyone else who feel like this what are you doing to combat this feeling is there anything i can do im only it feel wrong to feel like this at such a young age,1
somewhat a depression post but i feel a if i don t know what my preference is i like men and woman but at the same time i ve never felt that emotionally just sexually am i just a weirdo or is their a statement for it,1
i ve been getting worse and worse for over a decade every year ha been worse than the last the worse loss i could ever imagine my father happened just a couple week ago i have stopped working and given up on the few thing that kept me going my th is at the end of april and i don t see myself making it to then at this point,1
my brain just doesn t work i almost feel retarded with this costant foggy brain feeling that i have my head is completely foggy i can t even do simple task properly such a making the bed drive ecc i need to read a sentence multiple time before getting it now everytime i try to do these thing my brain just can t concentrate on the step to do them and i end up feeling even more depressed how is this possible my executive function is fully impaired at this point i ve been dealing with this shit since two year at least and i m just a shadow of what i used to be,1
why can t people just accept i m tired of living i never asked be here i just want a day to say my final goodbye like what people do to elder so why can t i im happy with the memory i made but i don t want to continue i m done,1
it still suck m that ha a job that a lot of people wish they had hr showed me that they received over 00 application for my position i moved to a new city for this job right before covid took over can t seem to make friend or meaningful connection with anyone in just over year i don t really have hobby and dread coming home to an empty house every night i ve always struggled with self esteem and this crushing loneliness ha me struggling yo get out of bed nobody call or even sends me text message i have no one that care about me i m already hiding so much including my emotion just desperately hoping someone i know reach out to me life is hard i get that and i know it s not easy for anyone but so many people i know have it so much easier their constant smile and laughter hurt but i hurt even more pretending to smile and laugh with them i ve ended up losing the passion and drive i once had got my career and am truly lost no friend no family no career no future fml,1
like the title say i have no idea who i really am i question myself and wonder if i am a good or bad person lately everything in my life ha sucked and i just want it to be over w this is not a confession btw i m ok i won t harm myself i just mean the disorder to go away i need to go back to therapy and get on medication maybe,1
have a brain tumor worst part is i have no one to help me or comfort me good news is i know that if i tell them i will make it worse if they can t handle the small stuff they can never handle this i m so alone it not even going life threatening,1
i have been going to therapy for roughly year now and i feel like it isn t helping i have minute appointment bi weekly but i feel like the minute isn t enough time for me it take a bit more time each appointment to get recomfortable with a therapist if that make sense by the time i feel comfortable we barely get into anything important and i leave feeling unsatisfied i ve seen multiple different therapist and this is common with all of them i feel like i might need to find a new provider who doesn t follow this protocol but this is a common practice in my area doe anyone have advice on how to break through the awkward part each time and get down to what i need help with are there therapist out there who see people for more than min hr at a time,1
hi i m intense uncomfort in social setting worsening hygiene teeth pretty bad body pain from not eating properly anymore like almost fainting from the stair my body is really weak feeling too and like these fucking muscle twitching and joint pain no motivation just wanting to lay down fucked sleep and loneliness is making school suffocating i think body pain is the worst but even if i actually go to the doctor she ll just fucking tell me to eat better which i know that s the issue i m prob not going to do i m in charge of my meal and om mazy so i ve been eating frozen i just lay down everyday after coming home usually nap like usually my body feel like it s breaking down while i m there i always feel like cry at school which is fine but i have to keep dealing w this by myself is hard i m not realistically going whine about this to anyone i can t open up i tried to speak to the counselor but i only mentioned not eating properly so she just told me to eat and join a study group people don t like me generally esp adult so it s kinda no use fot me i have definitely thought about dying or getting beat up i prob won t but i m a bit stupid and hopeless at this point so my weekend i just lay in bed all day literally that s it my single parent father doesn t value thing like this it s just financial if i get hurt it s generally a burden which i m used to i just need to get my shit together,1
my friend that understand what i ve been through and know how much i ve struggled and how far i ve come always find a way to kick me down i m always the second option i m always the one they come to for help when i sit in my room and rot when i show sign of being in a horrible state they just ignore me they tell me i have attitude problem they treat me like i want to be this way yet they always say they re there for me always they lie with no remorse they ignore me when i m in need genuine help they only do what make them comfortable and what make them feel good i always stick my neck out for them and i never get anything in return i tell them i want to hang out and they just lie they lie and lie and lie i call them out and then they ignore me and they wonder why i want to kill myself,1
recently went through a breakup so that s adding to this feeling but doe anyone else feel like they are simply just living day to day for the sake of it without direction yes i have goal etc but in the past when i ve reached goal nothing ha made me feel different anyone else feel aimless all the time i also used to be able to see where i wanted to be in or year now i can t even imagine what life will be like in to month can anyone relate,1
i feel a if life is winning i simply dont want to be here anymore i cant tell if im loved by my parent because it certainly doesnt feel like it i feel like they just use me a a maid and thats just how ive been taught since i wa younger so there not and reason to think that im unable to every week feel the same monday friday is homework with study group and im struggling in class because i cant remember shit it not that i dont pay attention in class it that i am mentally unable to rememebr shit i know back in high school i never had the problem then two year of covid hit and now im aa dumb a rock in a engineering major ive wanted to switch so many time every semester but each time someone talk me out of it ive told my parent twoce already but they insist that i finish school before trying to learn other thing i cant tell if my girlfriend love me anymore after the argument we had a week or two ago about me playing clash of clan and not giving her attention even though i feel like im doing everything i can to give her attention i cant sleep anymore and i just find myself staying up late and repeating the cycle it not like im not trying to better myself either i go to the gym with my friend at school and ive been doing it for week now i just thought it would help me get into the right mindset and help me focus more on school and maybe bring me out of this year depressive episode ive been in since covid started but nothing ive done work now im afraid that i have been pushing my gf and my close friend away and i just want to end it all i just want to jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic where i will have no chance of recovering i just want to go so badly but i cant im trapped not by others but by myself cry doesnt make me le of a man right,1
anyone else just done i m at a point in life where nothing is going bad and i understand i m blessed to be in such position but at the same time nothing going good my friend group have dissipated i rarely hang out with people everyday is just a repeat of the last what do i do it s getting lonely,1
i think my friend is depressed he isn t the same and he s going through a lot his girlfriend cheated and he recently found out he is adopted and i want to know how to help him,1
whenever i m about to fall down in the dump i start having a very very intense feeling of disgust everyone and everything feel gross to me i start hating my mother s laugh and voice i hate every smell i start hating myself even more i feel gross when i look at the mirror i want to hide and i wish i were dead everything feel bigger and more detailed i start eating like a pig and feel horrible ha someone felt this way do you know how to snap out of it it s better when i m just tired of everything not grossed out i m tired of this stuff,1
i don t want to die i just want to not be here anymore every time i ve tried to explain this to someone they can t seem to understand i just want stop feeling this way,1
i m sincerely done with this living my saving ha finally dried up i will soon lose my home my car and am unable to find work regardless i m just done i ve grown so tired of being tired,1
it s in the morning working tuesday but except me everybody else is working i am here glued to the bed feeling extremely disoriented the room is a mess have no appetite my plant need care important work need to finish i don t know somebody like found the switch and turned off my life,1
i ve been struggling with depression since i wa younger i wa bullied until graduated i went off to college and managed to make a couple friend and even a girlfriend then i tried to weed which wa the turning point of my life i wa a habitual smoker and i smoked all through the day and night me and my girlfriend i quit my job flunked college and on top of that my girlfriend went ghost on me i found out she wa pregnant with twin through a mutual friend i wa so hurt because i ve been nothing but good too her i d give her my last when i have nothing myself they hurt me so much i begin eating and i gained so much weight my confidence is at a all time low i lost hope in life i broke no love life no friend and misunderstood by everyone i m alone and lost in life,1
i m an adult but i want to escape my family completely i don t know where to start i ve told my therapist that i hate my family and stuff he replied with well they are really wealthy maybe you should continue being provided since you have your need to be met with i highly believe he s saying because of my mental issue i m diagnosed with ptsd ed psychosis mdd major clinical depressive disorder satiety etc but i don t think it s that serious because i can stabilize myself i have okay coping mechanism it feel like my therapist doesn t think i can stand on my foot by myself without my family i live with my family but i bought a house with their money and my money from work yes i did tell my family i wanted to leave but they said okay but first give u our 00 thousand back they helped me buy a house and now because of a fight they want me to stay home and own up to my mistake ridiculous thing is that they offered to pay and said i didn t need to pay them back now they re blackmailing me i told them i would because i have good bank i m a banker for a reason they then said something like you have no right to be saying that a banker is nothing respected blah blah blah they went on about how i should ve continued the line in our family of becoming engineer or surgeon the hardest part isn t even dealing their expectation of me it s the fact some of my family member especially my older brother and mom are narcissist some of you are probably thinking well why don t you just move into your home and ignore them if i move into my home they said they will have the higher ups of my job fire me i don t know what my parent want from me i m just stressed and going crazy because of their existence i know i can legally cut my parent off but don t know where to start do i have to make a call first anyone have info i d greatly appreciate it i ve dealt with my parent from teen year to now but i ve had enough of it i thought i d be free from their grasp once i become an adult but i m still stuck and i hate myself for having mental issue it s bothersome,1
i need to talk to a professional but i can t bring myself to trust they won t just throw bullshit med at me until i m numb and addicted i just need to talk and explain why my brain doe what it doe and how i can navigate around pill for a solution someone with more insight than a prescription pad,1
i f met my girlfriend on a game called genshin impact she is amazing really kind to me and is the first person who ha made me feel loved in a really long time the problem is that i still deal with suicidal thought worse now than any point before in my life and what hurt all the more is that i don t want to disappear from her i quite frequently find myself cry because of the thought of her losing me i ve felt incredibly lonely for most of my life that i can remember i used to feel like nobody would miss me if i died now i know there s someone who would really miss me and it hurt a lot i don t want to talk to her about this mainly because i feel like my bad mental health already affect her too much and i really don t like making her upset i wa on the verge of getting to therapy but then money trouble hit my family i feel hopeless and i wish i didn t meet her so i could just end it without feeling terrible,1
everyday of my life is hell i m forced into this religious cult my parent pick my friend from the religion i m depressed feel like dying daily i have anxiety my parent don t even check up on me like parent are supposed to do i don t have many people i can talk to and let my feeling out so sometimes i come here and rant my frustration out i m turning on may th so i m gon na get a job and move out and live my life but my mom isn t helping me she tell me i m gon na be a prostitute get hooked on drug and end up homeless and y crazy which i m not and she s making me feel bad i m a good child i have straight a s shockingly i do everything she asks me too i don t know what else she want from me i have so much stress on me from her and i can t take it anymore,1
i m a year old man ever since the covid started i feel like that is something off about me i feel like i don t want to do anything and lay down on the bed all day and consistently skip the meal i can get pretty emotional sometimes a a man i obviously can t show my emotion to anyone or even my parent a a sign of showing weakness so i want to know doe anyone feel the same way a me or i m just a pussy,1
for a bit of context i wa born into a dysfunctional family a drug addict alcoholic and abusive father my mother only finished high school but even so she left that place because she didn t want u to go through all that violence a my mother ha no study she had to work in several place and all day to be able to support u so she got a person who didn t live far from our house to take care of u while she wa away there i wa abused by the person who took care of u but i never said anything some time later my mum took u to my aunt who had to be paid to look after me she had two cousin there and all the time they were bothering me insulting me and i couldn t do anything because i wa year old and they were almost i saw how they fought with each other all the time and one day they almost killed each other one of them had blood all over his face and went to the kitchen to get a knife but luckily my aunt arrived and separated them also at some point where my aunt wa supposed to take care of me but i ended up in an orphanage i had never felt so abandoned so forgotten and alone after a while my mother took me out of there i hated that place with all my heart the people there were rude all the time they made the other child cry and they never cared i kept going with my aunt because my mum didn t have anyone else unfortunately my aunt never cared and left me with my dad i don t remember how thing happened but my dad and i were in the same shower and what you all know happened i never told anyone only that i couldn t get close to people anymore because everyone somehow end up hurting you i wa a pretty lonely and very shy child and that s how my childhood went on i wa bullied at school but i never cared and i kept going i wa the first place at school i practiced swimming and even competed my mum met another man and from that moment on we can consider him a my real dad he gave u everything he accepted child who were not his although he wa never affectionate with me i still love him we moved to another city and where i am living i went to secondary school and that is when i stopped being the shy boy i became a much more aggressive person nobody bothered me anymore and i had friend but i still felt empty i continued to be the first place i joined the scout and i also made nice friend but i continued to feel empty i got into high school and also made a lot of friend but i never felt satisfied i did kung fu and competed and got third place in a tournament but i wa never really happy the pandemic came and i spent two year locked up at home i didn t go out much with my friend but i went on with my life a year ago i went to university and i met more people and a there are no longer restriction i have gone out a lot with them but it is a if i could no longer hide my unhappiness going out with them i realised that i don t feel part of i don t feel part of my family either i started wrestling training and i only feel physical tiredness and i forget about my problem for the time that the practice last a few day ago i got my first place award from the university but i didn t feel anything neither happiness nor sadness absolutely nothing and now that i think about it it s like i ve always been dead all my life i ve felt like that,1
writing i made when i wa really unhinged and on the brink i m okay now but just thought i d share because i feel like it s okay writing no instruction or specific included it s mostly poetic and broad i think i m going to go for a drive a nice long drive not to clear my head but to say goodbye say goodbye to that lovely wind that touch my face a i push my hand out through the window and dance with the gust a it glide and surf through the earth breath say goodbye to the random song i used to love that turn on on the radio that i had forgotten from a time of pure bliss goodbye to the really pretty white cloud that are shaped so smoothly a it contrast the bright blue say goodbye to the nice feeling i get in my body a a smile slowly creep in my face by this time i plan to have my note already written out all sitting neatly folded in my pocket this is no time for emotional anguish or the opening of floodgate of all distraught that s already been done with the ink that lie on those paper all my pain all my misery they re all tucked away in my pocket gone from my body my leg my face my eye my throat my breath i feel free free of chain that brought my neck so bent over the ground that feel so grey free from all thing holy and unholy a sort of satisfaction for a coward dy a thousand death and i am no longer scared i m going to redacted park to hike one last time to say goodbye to that long river that flow across the center to the tall tree that shaded enough sun to keep you warm yet comfortable i think i will do it there somewhere i ve never felt any sadness it s been many year of pain so maybe the last thing i ll do on this earth is smile,1
my family only care when im manic but im just quiet they act like nothing ever happened idk if i want them to care or is me just wanting attention but im really tired of living for them,1
maybe not just empty but part of me is absolutely devastated and the other part of me is aware that it s for the best and the rest of me is split between hate and love my emotion are so disconnected like mismatched puzzle piece nothing feel right not just because i m seeing a puzzle but because some piece are from another making it impossible to solve internally i want to go back and be babied by him and feel helpless in a good way but ha that ever happened no it wa an illusion he doesn t actually love me he never did all that talk of soulmates and staying into the end i don t know if i should even believed it or not i haven t believed in soulmates for year and this might be another reason why all because he said i love you wa i even loved,1
so i m f and i finished college right when the pandemic hit march 0 0 so my internship got cancelled and i ended up getting no experience in my field i work in fast food and decided to wait a bit before job hunting cause the pandemic made everything crazy and i felt safe where i wa i also wa considering going back to school cause i wa uncertain if i wanted to stick with my degree but i ve decided i ll only go back if i find something i know i ll be passionate about and i haven t fast forward to year later and i ve hit my limit and started to seriously job hunt because i can t stand working in fast food anymore my parent treat me like i m a loser for still working there and tell me i need to get my life together and make it clear they want me to move out in a few year they don t need to treat me like that at all because trust me i hate my job it make me so miserable and my depression ha been so bad this winter because of it i ve felt like life isn t worth living and i have this horrible fantasy of getting into a car crash etc just so i don t have to work i apply to job day after day but never even get any interview and i m trying to be patient but none of these job want to hire someone with 0 experience in the field and it s so unfair how am i ever supposed to start and get experience when they all want someone with year i wa so close to quitting my job this weekend cause i ve hit my limit with how understaffed we always are and how rude customer and manager are but i can t afford it so i either have to stay patient and suffer through my current job or maybe leave it for something else while i still continue to look for a office job but i feel like any retail job would be just a bad so i don t know what to do this job is sucking the life out of me and i feel so burnt out every single day when i get home i never have energy to game much which is my biggest hobby and i feel so negatively about myself for still working there at my age and my parent make me feel so much worse with their rude comment i m just feeling really discouraged and mad at myself for only starting to look for a new job now but i can t go back and change the past and i know job hunting can take awhile and persistence but it s just so hard when you work a really toxic job and want to leave so badly but can t cause you need the money so you feel trapped if i had the money tbh i would go back to college cause i loved college i loved how i felt like i wa open to so many possibility and loved how it felt like i wa learning new thing everyday and now i feel so trapped and suffocated but it s too late and i need to stick with the degree i got,1
would like to know i ve been considering inpatient treatment recently and this is one of my biggest fear a losing my license could drastically complicate my life and make my issue worse in the long term,1
i feel rlly bad rn i wan na cry but i can t i wish i could cry but i feel so numb and distant like a robot all i can really do is lie down while a few drop fall from my eye i wish i could cry my heart out and let it all out im so tired i hate myself so much,1
hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated so i m a 9 year old guy from southern california i dated my ex for about month and it wa a relationship plagued with many issue she cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and i later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her it wa this weird situation because we both wronged each other so we saw it a we re equal let s try to make this work though our relationship could be considered rocky at best i still loved her very much and i had never felt such strong emotion for someone like that before she wa my first real girlfriend she introduced me to her family and vice versa we went on vacation with each other we went to punk show and enjoyed music because we had a similar taste in music around december she caught me flirting with girl on my phone and i guess you can say she ended the relationship but everything wa still the same we would see each other regularly have sex pretty regularly go out and do thing with one other and talk all the time like we did it wa almost a like we never even broke but she said the relationship wa over but if i prove to her that i would make a change that we would get back together at first i wa super apologetic and begged her for forgiveness but i soon realized that everything wa still the same minus the fact that we technically aren t in a relationship anymore i did a lot of soul searching and talking to those around me who told me it wa for the best that we didn t date anymore so i started talking to other girl around this time i meet my guitar teacher and started playing the guitar i ve been playing for about month now it s something that make me very happy and i enjoy doing it like i mentioned earlier with my ex everything felt the same except we technically weren t in a relationship but she would still say she love and care about me in december i wa still trying to get her forgiveness she bought me these sick computer speaker i bought her this ring with our name engraved on it but she didn t really seem to like it and even left it at my house and never took it even though that s what she wa begging me to buy for her at one point i told her that it bothered me that she completely just tossed away the ring and her response is why would i wear a promise ring when i ve broken the promise i didn t have a rebuttal to it so i dropped the subject january rolled around and the idea of trying to gain her favor back and earning our relationship back grew to disdain we both were on bumble tinder talking to other people flirting but we still would be in this weird situation where we were in this relationship saying i love you to each other so like i mentioned earlier i had downloaded dating apps and met flirted with some girl and she wa doing the same thing but i told her that i m growing tired of this weird thing and that i want to be back with her and try to make thing work and she wa kinda blowing it off i deleted all the dating apps i wasn t meeting flirting with any girl and i didn t do anything with anyone besides her this whole time so fast forward to my birthday on february st and she bought ticket for u to go to knot berry farm amusement park here in socal we had a good time and we ended up having sex later that night during this whole weird period we were having sex pretty consistently my birthday ended up being the last time we saw each for a while because my best friend said that they saw her on bumble tinder i made new account and i saw her she swiped right on me both time and it set me off because i kept telling her i wanted to be with her and wanted to start over and she said wanted to a well but wanted to make sure but wanted wait and that she loved me and only wanted to be with me would always say she can t imagine being with anyone but me so seeing her on these apps even though we told each other we weren t going to be on them anymore so i sent her this long message telling her how i felt about her our relationship and the whole tinder bumble situation and that i wa through with her then it wa almost a she flipped the script and that she wa the one begging me to get back with each other and she pulled her whole i love you i can t imagine being with one else but you blah blah but i wa done and wa ready to emotionally move which i feel like for the most part i have so i completely stopped talking to her many of my close friend helped me out a lot especially my best friend i felt sorta free in a way and i wa trying my best to move on i met other girl and had hookup with a lot of them i mean last week i had sex with two different girl in one night on friday but every time i feel like happy at first after but then shortly after i go back to this feeling of emptiness that i have been feeling i and my family had a trip planned out to give a visit to our family in el salvador and we went it wa only for a week but it wa the happiest i had been in so long a soon a i came back that feeling of emptiness came back full force a couple of week after i came back me and my friend decided we wanted to try shrooms it wa a whole ordeal to get them but we somehow got them we had it all planned out but it kinda fell through me and my best friend ended up taking the i unfortunately had a bad trip at first the trip went super well but i took about gram and it wa my first time and i started telling my friend i wa depressed then it turned into i m planning on committing suicide when i m older but something came upon me and i wa telling him i wanted to kill myself right then and there and i tried to kill myself but my friend stopped me i have been pretty traumatized since that night and i have been thinking about it so much during the time i wa in el salvador my ex made a tik tok about me saying i wa a terrible person and that i treated her horrible and that she wa the victim of the relationship and it got like 000 view she also posted a video on her instagram story of some random licking her face and her kissing him after so i wanted nothing to do with her anymore but after my bad trip i felt emotionally vulnerable and i texted her back and i told her what i went through and we started texting again she told me that she wanted to see me again and i wasn t there emotionally she came over and we ended up having sex and we ve done this twice now i just feel like i have gone through so much these last month and it ha been so much to handle after i took the shrooms i felt like i needed to better my action and i planning on going back to school i have stopped smoking weed and drinking i never did it often but i want to completely stop i m growing tired of this constant feeling of emptiness i feel every day of my life and i feel like i haven t been trying to move my life forward and i keep going back to the same place i keep telling myself i want to move from i don t know if it s depression or what but i m tired of the way i feel sometimes when i think about my bad trip i just chalk it up to me being high but other time i feel like that deep down i actually want to and that the shrooms just made me realize i love and appreciate my best friend my other friend and my family because they provide me with amazing support but these feeling still linger and i m growing tired of it the thing that ha been providing me with happiness is playing guitar and it s been my escape i would appreciate someone to talk to maybe i need someone fresh perspective,1
i don t feel like trying to make thing better in fact i never did i just accepted it a a part of life it may be because i ve never been that much of a person that work hard i m just lazy in general i like to take thing easy if you re lazy apathetic and unmotivated there s pretty much no chance of overcoming depression,1
amp x 00b so i m in my thirty i m about to finish my phd in one of the world s best university and this morning i felt fine i usually revert to writing in here a a way of emptying my soul and feeling better usually it work and it ha taken me from the deepest pit of my depression to a milder state of mind not to a happy place mind you but to a lower scale bout of depression i come from a rocky couple of year i have discovered that my old supervisor had tricked an exam against me to have me fail and kicked out of the uni check my older post for this story also involving the examiner the full professor who deemed me too ugly fat and stupid for a phd full quote i have found support in the wider academic world with a world renown name offering me a job first and then agreeing to supervise me if i had not taken it i have sued the university kind of it wa a process internal to the university but i had to hire a lawyer i have won a crushing win against the faculty i have never seen a similar humiliation for a faculty and an examiner said a friend and former judge i have repeated the exam i have passed the exam i am now a month from submission my new supervisor and my friend unofficial supervisor have just promoted my dissertation with flying color so i basically need to write a conclusion of a couple of page cross the t dot the is and hand in what ha been long year of my life should have been but these shenanigan robbed me of full year of my life i am however today back in the pit of the grad school depression a i am not sure it is finished remember the humiliated full professor above when i passed the exam one of the examiner wa a friend of his who basically did everything in his power to fail me i passed because the other examiner took my side in the shouting match it wa ugly a fuck and basically told me that the humiliation of me winning in court could not pas without further action now i even though my dissertation is unassailable i do not trust the university and i am fully expecting a final hack job at the thesis defence and against that i am powerless,1
i don t feel any desire towards anything in life anymore i see life a a pointless pursuit that ha more pain than joy it s simply not worth it if i m playing a video game or watching a tv show and it s not getting better i simply want to turn it off my passion energy love motivation and empathy isn t what it used to be and i feel trapped i feel like cement when i wake up and lay there until the hunger drive me out of bed i m stuck in my head all day and feel dead to myself and this world i can t even hate myself anymore or bring myself to really do anything i wish so many thing in this life were different but they never will be,1
i feel very apathetic towards everything in my life i just have no drive or ambition towards anything like i m just living just because people tell me to live i don t want to be here in life or anywhere really i just want to not exist a good portion of what i ve done in life is only for the approval of others now that i m older the more i just stop caring about others i know you all will probably suggest to maybe try other thing now that you don t care about other people s opinion find thing that actually enjoy i did i took a break from uni and decided to dive into art and a bunch of hobby i found them to very meaningless i don t know how to explain it but i felt like i wa faking enjoying the thing i did just to prove to myself that i am getting better and that i am like other people i did them just to do them i m just depressed that my family had to be stuck with a daughter like me because i m nothing but lazy and careless i don t want to burden it d be so much easier for me if i could just die in my sleep so i can save myself from hurting my family by committing suicide not existing is the only choice i want,1
i hate life today that s it that s the post,1
i wish my world would just end now i don t want to keep going on this shit called life is so sad and depressing i just don t want to keep living,1
my mom called me disgusting for my dirty room even though she know i m depressed am i disgusting i try to clean but it just go back to dirty i m disgusting and lazy,1
i m not joking been having a pounding headache after a meltdown why actually i m personally not surprised since i have like a laundry list of trigger it s just like damn really i can t even cry in peace depression is a bitch weirder part is if you are cutting onion or even cry because something good happens it doesn t trigger a migraine or a tension headache it s just negative cry that doe it,1
i m so fucking done with everything what s the point of life nothing i ever do will make a permanent impact nothing anyone ever doe will make a permanent impact sure you can be famous you can discover something important but what s the point all we have are our silly little life on our silly little planet and it s all going to be destroyed someday nothing is going to last even if we escape the expanding sun billion year from now if we still exist even if we flee to another place in space we re all just eventually going to die out all information and evidence of our existence will die out i could live any life i wanted i could be rich and famous painfully average or i could waste away all my life but it doesn t matter because no matter what i do nothing will ever be worth it what s the point of trying if i m just going to die everyone always say well enjoy the moment appreciate the little thing yeah no that s bullshit why should i enjoy anything if i won t even remember it after i die why should i do anything if nothing matter sure i can enjoy the moment but what s the point everything in the universe is going to die out some day and then it will just keep expanding and it ll be dark and cold and nothingness why did we even exist in the first place everything is so complicated i never asked to live but sometimes i want to live after i die because there ha to be something anything other than this i am so fucking desperate i really hope there s something after i die but at the same time i hope there s nothing because i m so tired of existing there s no point in it there s no point in anything and i can t enjoy life anymore because these thought keep coming up what do i do,1
i m on anti depressant for month now and they changed my life completely like i went from a terrible suicidal wreck to a normal functioning human being i had a good a no bad mood some physical issue even went away and i definitely had a more positive outlook on life i wa lucky enough to even have almost no side affect so i feel like my body work quite well with them around week ago i slowly started to get a little bit of bad feeling not too much or anything i thought it s probably normal because no human feel good every single day but the more time went by the heavier the bad mood gots until this evening where i found myself in bed hating the fact that i m alive it scare me because for the first time in my life i ve felt somewhat normal and okay with being alive and i don t wan na go back because i got ta do this for my family is it normal that it get like this,1
so long story short i recently started to become what i think is depressed thing is after the first few day of it being a bit tough i became to find it enjoyable to some extent amp x 00b to put it simply it ha let me achieve something i ve been trying to achieve for a very long time near zero emotion positive or negative but this time it isn t from repressing my emotion i also don t crave nearly a much social interaction a before and i give no shit meaning i wa able to get work done in class i usual hate since i don t hate them anymore the main downside to all this are increased tiredness increased frustration and low motivation low motivation and increased tiredness don t really bother me since i don t get homework and i don t have a job so it s not getting in the way of anything the increased frustration however is a wee bit annoying since i seem to quit my game way more than usual making me lose progress i also know i won t do anything suicidal cause that would violate of my core logical value amp x 00b all in all i rate this experience a 0 it would be an 0 if it weren t for the increased frustration,1
i always feel everyone dislike me and laugh behind my back my own friend i feel even hate me secretly am i just paranoid or could there be something to this in my past most people have hated me on sight a well so i m confused is this just from being depressed for too long i also feel like a burden on my partner and friend just by being around or even saying one word i feel i waste my partner time completely along with friend time my friend friend actually leave call whenever i show up a well so it s a sign of something i often time honestly feel it would be easier on those around me if i passed away due to the hatred i feel if everyone hate me so much why am i still around,1
the only reason i havent killed myself is because i know i d hurt the people that are close to me but is it really to sacrifice my happiness for theirs,1
i m tired of having this literal disease that i consider depression i feel trapped a if i m in a prison cell i m desperate to get out of it especially now more than ever but all it doe is keep me back even if i try to escape and become a properly functioning human being depression beat me down like a prison guard with a baton it hold me back keeping me from flourishing and becoming that best version of me that i so wish to be i don t feel like i m able to connect with anyone i have no friend or anyone that care about me in a more than friend way it s hell being an infp like myself i seek connection that is long lasting and strong i m getting help soon but i wonder to myself what if the medication don t help what if they don t keep the depression at bay enough to allow me to live in the moment and happy will all this desperation be for nothing i don t want to fight anymore if it end up being the case im weary but i have just enough fight in me to try one more time i want to put my life together i want to be happy i want to get to a point where i can look back and appreciate that i fought my way to success i just want to be to really exist instead of live every day trapped in my own mind while my body is on autopilot giving fake smile and telling lie that i m okay i m not okay i never wa depression is the worst don t you agree,1
the exact date are kind of fuzzy at this point but it s so stupid he said they put me in an altered state seriously i need them to sleep and not hate every waking moment of my life,1
i m m and all i feel like i do is dissapoint everyone around me it suck i remember everyone used to tell me that i would have a bright life when i wa a kid and i look at myself now unable to talk to people hold down a conversation without saying sorry every second i just feel like such a dissapointment and feel like everyone in my life would be so much better without me i see my partner of year just thrive in her life and it just kill me so much knowing that someone who is so full of life love me i feel so bad for her sometimes since my anxiety get so bad to the point where i get panic attack going to her family house or even taking her out to a restaurant i ve never felt this low in my life and all i can think of now is just offing myself to spare everyone of my misery nobody deserves to have someone who is just a downer all the time,1
i am and think i m depressed idk what is but happiness just is not the same anymore it feel bland from what it used to be it all started when my mom separated from my verbally abusive dad when i wa 0 after that is spiraled down and down my aunt uncle grandma and grandpa dying left and right and my aunt turning out to be racist even tho i m her nefew i went to therapy for year but it did not help i dated my best friend who i have known since i wa a kid and it did not work out the relationship is ruined and now we barely talk i have plenty other friend but it doe not feel the same i hate school but my mom say i cant drop out and i have to have the best grade posible i know she is doing what she is supposed to and i wan na try but it so hard to even find the will to stay alive i m very self conscious and do not like the way i look i have a girlfriend but it doe not feel like what i thought it would be and doe not help me mentally at all overall i want to off my self because of the thing that s i ve done and thing i ve been through i don t know what is stopping me i don t think it selfish if i off myself and i don t really see any benefit if i stay alive i don t believe in true love and i m not happy at all really my mom want me to graduate so i can be happy but school make me even more unhappy but i think that s just cause i m a kid i don t even know if i ll make it past let alone go to college i just wan na know why can t i be happy,1
my gf might be pregnant we haven t done it for month now she told me with all honesty that she and her boy best friend did it last month she only did it because she wa drunk and had a fight with her parent i had no idea about that until now she s delayed week i feel like my chest is getting crushed by what she had done i can t cry but damn it hurt so bad i don t know what to do i admire her honesty but the pain is still here in my heart she doesn t want to break up with me either she said she s sorry i love her i really do,1
tw sh suicide i m a year old still in high school with depression anxiety intrusive thought and a emerging personality disorder i got diagnosed year ago now and once i heard that it wa overwhelming it made me feel labelled a a kid who wa no longer a kid but a mentally ill person and it wa horrible it put me in the worst place of my life and after service and service all spoke to me the most important thing i realised is that i m never going to be the same person before i wa diagnosed and i had to accept the fact i m not okay that wa the first step into recovery and year in im finally starting to get better bit by bit iknow how hard menial task can be such a getting out of bed showering eating etc which is why i m glad so many people know how hard it is to having people who understand is another key thing that helped me start to recover a a lot of other people suffering from depression i self harmed and i self harmed for a year and a half it became almost an addiction and for the first time since i started i can finally say i no longer want to do it i m currently day sober from a relapse after month sober relapsing is a part of recovery which is a thing i m still learning because when you relapse you don t think this is natural your first thought it oh ffs all that progress i made is gone but intact it s not it s just a part of it i also suffer from suicidal tendency meaning that i have constant suicidal thought and i have attempted time it sound bad and it is but i m glad i did because it made me realise how much i want to live the last one wa the worst one my mum found me hanging in my room and cut me down and instead of going ballistic she listened to me and got me the help i needed now me and my whole family are closer than ever so a horrible situation worked out the best i decided to write this to let people read if they want to and know that no matter how bad you are at that point there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel cliche but true and make sure you don t lose track of the most important instinct survival thank you for reading it mean a lot,1
hello guy my name is t m or soul heart in my language i have been struggling with depression for year now and reached a breaking point some time ago i have always been a quiet and lonely person and never had any close friend my circle ha been small and at time completely empty lately a i branch out socially i find myself rejected or misunderstood mental illness and emotion are not really discussed in vietnam and i have been called too sensitive and emotional it got to the point where i almost ended my life however i found a saving grace with a therapist i just wanted to hop on here and wanted to give you guy hope and love that i wasn t given you are all wonderful stay strong and know that you are worthwhile there is nothing wrong with you and emotion are thing to be treasured they help u grow and love but do not yield to the negative one,1
how do you guy deal with depression other than avoiding it i can t keep this up lol sleeping is my only coping mechanism and it s not a good one i m so drained any advice also more important any advice for feeling le sad about unaccepting parent i m trans and can t really deal with my parent negative reaction i can t cope well is what i mean i have to wait several year to even transition to the gender i wa supposed to be born a bc i m too young to afford it all myself i hate this this body and this life sorry for bringing the mood down also school suck i wish it wa fun it suck the fun out of learning i m too tired to type anymore though so have fun reading this mess of word crunched together,1
seriously applying for job is hard enough for a stable person but when you have someone like me with no qualification no education no nothing applying for job is downright a soul crushing experience deep down i seriously don t even want the shitty as job anyway but i have to in order to survive then thinking about once i move out living alone in a crappy place working this meaningless job make me internally dieing i genuinely wish i wa never born into this era i don t belong here at all,1
the past few year have gotten tough and my depression ha done irreversible damage to both my body and my life my teeth are rotten and painful my hair is greasy and my skin is awful my body is caked in self harm scar and cigarette burn i ve pushed away everyone who care about me i ll be lucky if i get out of school with more than gcse pass no one like me and i have no real hobby i wish i wa better now but i wish even more that i would ve gotten better a long time ago before the real damage wa done i miss being able to smile confidently to wear short t shirt without people judging me i wish i wa doing well enough in school to get into sixth form i wish i hadn t done this to myself i am ruined,1
so about day ago i started sh again and i cut to deep i waited a week till i went to the hospital by then it wa to late to get stitch but the doctor said i should have got them my best friend knew i went to the doctor and she told me i didn t need stitch she accused me of lying and doesn t believe me she act like she s a doctor and always act like she s right,1
am i the only one that wish humanity would just die out i fucking hate this place and i hate people and i hate society i m very sick and very close to going out into the wood and hanging myself what is the point of any of this bullshit,1
i m so tired i really wish i could like myself i feel like all my thought are so complicated i can t do anything for myself every thing i do is for others yet i feel like such a selfish emotionally cut off and unempathetic person and i hate myself for it i have such high expectation for people and i get sad when they don t meet them i feel like that isn t normal i hate it i hate that i create scenario in my head of how people are going to treat me good and when they don t do what i expected i get sad that doesn t feel normal why am i like that i hate doing good and then falling into a dark hole that s so hard to get out of it feel like it s never going to end i m so tired i hate myself so much i just wish i could love myself i feel so shut off and all i want is someone to just hold me and tell me it s okay that s something i hate about myself too that i want people shouldn t i just feel happy alone am i too codependent am i ill am i too obsessive and optimistic in the worse way i m exhausted because of these thought i m so tired of my anxiety just myself it feel like everything that happens is all my fault even when i try to do good i m a bad person i try to do good for myself and i hurt other people i can t handle that i just want to love myself i can t figure myself out i m so so so tired,1
guy i need help i m feel bad in my skin for too long so trying to feel better i m sinking in the alcoholism i don t know what to do i don t know what i want and every place i work for i don t feel aligned i know there is more important than this problem a ukrainian war or starving people but how can i impact positively the world when i m sinking deeper everyday and the fact that i see myself sinking feel like i add one more stone to sink even deeper and faster horrible feeling i need help please thank to all of you for taking the time to read,1
for year now i ve always thought of suicide a a back up plan whenever somethings went wrong i just thought oh well i m not going to be here much longer it doesn t matter but i ve never thought of the aftermath i hate the thought of my decomposed possibly mangled body i hate the fact my family friend would have to see that i hate to put them in that position ive never thought of it in their perspective in general im just a coward it might sound good i don t want to kill myself but now i feel very claustrophobic i feel like i cant breathe there no escape,1
hi im an m and i just feel i am a lost cause i hate everything about my life and barley if at all want to do any of the work to make it better nothing about my life is horrible besides my relationship but thats another story lol i live in an average middle class house with my dad and have a decent setup for life i have friend who like me for me i hope and have started to go to party and etc but i just cant shake my depression or feeling of hating myself ive been like this since i wa or and nothing could help and all ive gotten is worse i wa a smart kid but now i haven t done any of my schoolwork and im supposed to graduate in month and i cheated through all of last year schooling because of covid i had a job then switched to doing doordash instacart since im but now i cant even motivate myself to go do that i hate my body the way i act i especially hate being gay i hate my adhd i hate that i get jealous of other people being happy with themselves it really hurt and i hate that i feel like i have no passion in life and i have nothing i really want to work towards besides having nice clothes and even then when i think of that i get more unmotivated because i already hate my body and wish clothes fit better on me already so i just get disappointed and think i will never look remotely close to the way i want i really think this is because of the tik tok era my body make me feel disgusting and i feel like i have the ugliest face in the world im like abnormally skinny 9 0 lb but i cant gain weight because even when i try i forget to eat or put it off to continue what im fixated on at the moment like i had my first meal at pm today ive asked my dad various time to get me setup with a psychiatrist but that will never happen knowing my parent ive been recommended to a therapist by my school counselor since th grade the only one ive had is the school provided one they gave for covid i just like in general hate myself and my life and i feel even worse about it because i shouldn t hate it i have a lot that i should be grateful for that i just take for granted for god sake i have been in my room for the past month doing nothing most people do not have that kind of luxury amp x 00b oh yeah and on the topic of my relationship which i think contriubutes to this feeling gt we ve been on and off for like year almost now i wa groomed im pretty sure he im you can do the math he is emotionally abusive and denies that he wa horribly abusive to me in the past for example he used to tell me about people asking to hookup with him constantly boost his own ego he put me down with insult and name accuses me of causing a scene or starting something when i have a reaction to a rude action he doe he didnt get me anything for valentine day or christmas he ha hit me twice but love to be like it wa a shirt i whipped you with and im sure he like that im depressed he ha said im going to end up a strung out drug addict like my mom that im a loser who will rot away who isn t even doing that bad rn and she isn t a strung out addict never wa she wa rich most her life im sorry if this isn t cohesive or whatever i just needed somewhere to vent my thought and hopefully get help i just really wish i didnt feel like this and my brain didnt hate me i wish i could just go to the gym and start doing my school work and get myself on track but i just cant,1
i m dealing with debt wasted year of my university getting awful grade i disappoint my family left and right i have no confidence in myself and i hate my body i wa low key molested by my best friend when he wa drunk my childhood dog had to be put down after i took care of her for month prior and i feel like it my fault tht i could ve done something better or idk i find solace in anime but even that is starting feel dull i thought i knew what i wanted to do with my life and career but i m so lost i dont know what to do and at this point i feel like ive ruined my life beyond repair i know im and most people just say that im young and i just have too dust everything off and it ll be fine but it not it never is and ive been in this loop of depression since i wa i think about taking my life and then think about how selfish it is to my friend family and little sister i can t do that to her and yet i still think about i i m so lost,1
i m just wondering if anyone ha experienced people in healthcare disbelieving how depressed you are because you have a job i hold a very low level easy work from home job i m sure if i wasn t depressed i d be able to do a much higher level job but my current job is not demanding at all and honestly there are day when i cry for the entire day however i ve had psychiatrist downplay how depressed i am because i have a job at all i wish i didn t have to work but i d become homeless pretty quickly so it s not like i really have a choice i just find it frustrating because some of these doctor aren t prioritizing getting me access to the help i need because of their bias ha anyone else had this kind of experience,1
i hate the constant stress i hate the nonstop work i hate the isolation i hate everything about college but i have realized that my working life will likely be no different work for most of my life dread work for the rest of it and repeat until i die i want to speed up the process and end my life but i can t leave my family in that much pain so i m just stuck in this hell with no escape i am on medication and seeing a therapist it help but it s not enough,1
i feel like i shouldn t get help because i m not depressed enough i don t mope around in bed all day i m doing fine in school and i don t cry myself to sleep at night i want to feel worse so i can prove that i m depressed i feel like i m on my own and don t deserve help i feel like nothing ha happened to make me feel like this and i feel it s selfish for me to ask for help,1
i m i ve been depressed since i wa maybe about 0 year old and i wa diagnosed in 0 0 clinical depression i struggle with substance abuse alcohol and weed and that combined with depression is what caused me to quit my job now all i do is cry and get stoned cry while being stoned sometimes and lay in bed on tiktok i m unhappy in my relationship but i m afraid of losing the best thing i ve ever had i m so unhappy with existence and i m fucking sick of being told to tough it out life isn t easy i don t care if i m not going to be born into a decent world i don t want to fucking participate it s selfish to force me to stay when i contribute nothing to society i have no goal or passion anymore my clinic psychiatrist hasn t reached out to me i quit taking my prozac because it stopped working and one specific event triggered my current depression episode regarding my family and boyfriend i m miserable is anyone else miserable,1
hi everyone i m new to this sub and am just seeking advice support this weekend i entered into a huge depressive episode after not having one for many month i struggle with depression anxiety and ocd but it s been getting better a i ve built a routine and stuff like that this week though i had some personal issue one of which wa feeling heartbroken by a very manipulative ex and trying to get myself out of that rut the other is having to move back to my college town i am from a large city that i feel very much at home in and at college i have literally no friend and hate the small town where it s located it feel toxic for me and i never know what to do with myself i never go out and mostly just sleep to pas time today i had a particularly hard time going back cried my eye out began to feel this raw sense of loneliness and longing had trouble saying goodbye to family etc with my anxiety i also struggle with being worried that my family will die before we see each other next which is a whole other issue but it doe complicate thing can anyone help and provide some advice i do go to therapy and am not open to taking medication right now mostly i m just wondering what people do when they feel these profoundly heavy episode since it s been a while for me what is your go to activity how do you take care of yourself and get back on your foot any tip for detoxing from the internet social medium i think this might trigger me to think about my ex and stuff thank you and sending love to all,1
none of this shit matter where is all this effort and energy going i feel so bad and guilty because i feel i m a low life because i don t want to contribute to society it s a never ending cycle of bullshit i do not want to get married or have any kid because that s unnecessary work fuckkkk,1
i m doing really bad mentally i don t feel up to typing a paragraph explaining what s wrong in my life rn i just want somebody to acknowledge me and let me know that it s gon na be okay,1
ha anyone lost their career or become underemployed due to depression how do you survive are you frightened about how you will retire or get by in old age it s been seven year of mostly unemployment for me and i m horrified when i think of the future,1
why i have to think about thing i am thinking about is this a punishment what did i do to you you are torturing me exactly why i have to think about death existence hollowness loneliness unwanted people like me and why are some more popular then others i have no friend so i have to talk to myself the worst person alive i hate this person he is only negative doesn t like anything why i see only one solution there is nothing but hollowness for u this is place for popular talkative handsome and over all good people so maybe next time i will be luckier i hate my mind and myself,1
warning i ll be ranting about feeling hopeless guilty all the time and having no will to do anything with a splash of bitterness with life lately it feel like there is no hope for thing to get better for me like all the hope i had before is sucked right out of me nothing make me feel better word of encouragement and people saying it will get better that it all temporary and that life is beautiful doesnt make me feel any more hopeful in fact i m tired of hearing all these positive encouragement it make me feel bitter guilty and defensive in a way bitter because well i get very irritated about everything and everyone lately so my brain go well why the fck doe anyone want to live so much anyway whats the fckin point guilty because i feel shitty for not being able to heal despite complying to my medication and regularly meeting my psychiatrist granted med aren t miracle worker you apparently got ta work on yourself to get better which make me feel even more shittier because i don t have the will and energy to do anything and that make me feel like a failure finally i feel defensive cause internally my brain go well it not fcking easy you don t know what i m going through so in the end nothing make sense anymore i don t even wan na live but i still feel guilty for not getting better i don t see the point in life but why haven t i offed myself yet sorry for ranting it been a while doe anyone else feel the same,1
i feel really lazy it wa embarrassing for me to even have to ask for something but it s been over week and everything got worse idk if i feel any different think now i just have even le energy to do anything my room is disgusting my essay are overdue and i haven t been outside in too long i m way too embarrassed to ever say this to my gp no word of encouragement on reddit will help im afraid but idk what to do anymore it s getting worse and every day i m just procrastinating i m scared of everything catching up but somehow can t do anything about it never felt like this before i almost want to hide away and die not literally just don t know how to overcome this there s not a lot and i have a massive incentive,1
it s been a few month since i ve posted they ve medicated me but nothing ha changed i m still a worthless piece of shit no matter what i do i m the problem and no one will ever want me in their life i m never going to be good enough to have a real job or be anything more than a stupid customer service agent i went to college i have put in over 00 job application in the last week when i get an interview even company who contact me first ask me to apply when i arrive they say i m not a good fit it s because i m le than the same thing my mother saw when she gave birth and didn t want me is the same thing everyone else see that make me le than others i am not even worthy of being human i m just trash no pill or medicine will change that i wish i had the strength to self check out i don t tell my therapist bc it doesn t do any good they just want me to pay for more therapy that s supposed to train me to behave my insurance doesnt cover it so it s not even worth mentioning anymore i just wish i wa loved and had a life i felt like mattered i hate myself and the life i wake up too bc i m not good enough to have anything but sorrow,1
i fallen in a dark place i feel like i always been this way how do i look on the brighter side of thing how do i get thru being miserable everyday i feel like if i m in a place too long i get depressed n sad i m constantly on the run no one understands me i feel i keep alot to my self i feel like i m exploding i feel there s no hope i wan na stay in a bed n not get up or go out or do anything anymore how do i cope what do i do i wan na feel normal i wan na shake the feeling i don t wan na be medicated i need the cure of another human being actually caring about my wellness i need a therapist but i can find help so i m here looking for help,1
i used to be someone who wa down with depression for a long time but this doesn t feel like it i wa working 0 hr since the beginning of this year due to my yearly busy season and i m suddenly asked to work jus 0hrs and honestly i feel so lost sometimes the anxiety is crippling like the smallest and most insignificant thing is anxiety inducing but other time i jus feel empty inside it s been a while i have talked to my friend and the only ppl i talk to are friend who keep reaching out despite me not texting them back it s not that i don t want to i jus don t have the energy i don t have the energy to get out of bed and i survived on one meal during a weekend i haven t listened to music or i do the thing i enjoy the most i jus don t know wat make me happy anymore and this is so not me i want to get back to the happier me sorry for the long rant but i can t go out and tell ppl that i miss work is there a diagnosis for this or is there anything that ha personally helped you to get out of this,1
recently i have been feeling really strange and unsure emotionally i feel a lot of thing but i don t know how to express them i think my life is not worth it and my presence doesn t really matter here i know i am rational enough to never do something to myself but i do have thought from time to time but i know if given an opportunity to end everything painlessly without hurting the people i love i would do it,1
my friend use to hear voice she would hear voice in her head of people talking to her but the voice have gone away or at least that is what she think say she think that her neighbour are out to get her she think that her neighbour are plotting to kill her she also think that her neighbour have killed someone else because she said that she heard them admit it and she recorded them admitting that they killed someone she said that her neighbour talk shit about her and want to harm her and say sexual thing to and about her she life in an apartment building and they live right underneath her so she will sit by her window and she will record them because she think that they are talking crap about her and saying that they want to kill and harm her so she will record them trying to get a much evidence a she possible can so she can go to the police the thing is though that nobody else can hear these recording only she can she wa at my house yesterday and she wa playing these recording to u and a the video wa playing she wa like see they just said this and then she would tell u what they said but we don t hear nothing it is completely quiet my boy friend literally had the phone up to his ear and didn t hear anything and she wa a few foot away from him and she supposedly heard it so loud me my boyfriend and other people have listened to these recording and no one else heard anything but her and she say that she hears them talking so loudly when to u it is completely quiet and she is so positive and confident that these recording are real because every video that she ha anytime that she listens to it she always hears the exact same thing on each video so it is not like every single time that she listens to the video she hears something different she ha like video of her neighbour talking about her and every video she hears the same thing like every video say something different but no matter how many time she listens to each video it always say that same thing that it said last time that is why she belief that it is true but again nobody else hears anything the video she show up is completely quiet and no one is talking ha anyone experienced this do you know anyone that ha experience this it is so hard and difficult to watch her go through this because i have been so supportive to her ever since i met her year ago and i will continue being supportive but when i tell her that we don t hear anything she get fraustrated and mad because she hears it i understand why she is fraustrated though because hearing voice that other people don t hear i get can be very stressful and frustrated but i am just stuck it s hard watching someone you love go through this i need advice,1
mdma depression xanax anxiety methamphetamine adhd rohypnol insomnia clozapine psychosis vicodin back pain,1
i can literally wake up and drink a coffee or i can kill myself the earth would keep spinning regardless and nothing change,1
people who have been through depression or terrible life tell your success story or how you have changed i really need it,1
during spring break i found out my mom ha cancer i don t want to go back to school now because i want to spend a much time a i can with her just in case and i can t imagine not living without her i thought we would have so much time together but now i m not sure she s my best friend and i can t live without her i have no motivation to go to class do work study or even go pack to school i m in the middle of jointing a sorority too and i can t bring myself to go to go back to campus to go to event or anything when internally im miserable and screaming i thought life wa going well but now it s not i m not suicidal at all since i m scared of death and could never take my own life but i just want to sleep and not exist i don t want to feel like this at all and i want help but i feel like i won t get it until i do something to be taken seriously i even feel like my friendship are falling apart the one consistent happiness in my life is volleyball and now all my friend are going to play on team without me and i feel so betrayed i feel like everything is piling up at once and i m so overwhelmed and i m gon na screw myself over with school bc im depressed please give me any advice,1
is it okay stay up all night and and fall asleep at around am and then sleep all day long and then literally force yourself out of bed to do office work,1
i never talk about these thing but i m basically getting closer to suicide i ve already seriously tried it a few time and i m still waiting until my family is out of the city to get it right but i still feel sorry for my grandparent i know it s not so normal but sometimes not everyone can handle their problem especially if your parent don t support you in any way and even making thing go worse these last year i think i lost my personality and i went from being the energetic and sociable guy to just a passive and socially isolated one i tried to talk about it but my dad doesn t think depression is a serious stuff and my friend say everyone go through thing like that i mean doe everyone go trough this is this normal,1
i have never felt this feeling so strongly before like my borrowed time is up and my life is just a whisp away from being gone i feel like it s inevitable and i m almost at peace with it it s time i think and it ha been for so long,1
for the last few year or a long a i can remember i haven t enjoyed much of anything sometimes i ll enjoy when i hangout with friend or whenever i m with family but im extremely co dependent to the point where if im alone im depressed and even if im not alone i m probably depressed i just recently started antidepressant and i think they re helping but not really i don t really feel like i connect to people or build connection because im constantly thinking about about x problem i have or x thing that s wrong with me there wa a time period where i thought i wa a narcissist but i hate myself so that s impossible can somebody like help me lmao i also feel like i m a burden to everyone in my life because every time i speak to anyone or interact with anyone it s about how depressed i am or how something is wrong with me,1
im tired exhausted of overthinking i want peace i want my brain to relax and stop thinking for a second im not patient and i want to be in a different part of my life already my job is not helping me at all i have to hide my mental health issue because i feel judged at my job and i know they won t believe me i want to at least work from home because thinking every day about having to go back to that place and committing two hour of my life there and back and then having to deal with the greed they showcase is disgusting trying to find a new job but i live in a place where the average applicant is more than 00 apps per job post waiting on grad application received an acceptance but it s even more heartbreaking than a denial because i can t afford it this world and the decision other make for u is cruel im tired of a lot i want to help others more than i want to help myself but i know i need myself to be good to make a positive impact for others i m really stuck i just want to cry and cry,1
i used to be a swimmer back in elementary 0yrs old it s so quiet underwater and everything feel so light after a year in sport my mom started pressuring me she would compare me a lot to my other teammate and eventually it made me lose my passion for it i tried drowning myself a lot of time and one of my teammate would eventually pull me up i left swimming and suffered half of my junior high life being blamed financially by my mother up to this day i m still afraid of receiving thing because what if they ll blame for losing money for it so instead i would try to get high grade so it ll feel like i deserve it and now i m being pressured a lot again by my family i ll be in college next year and they re expecting me to get into one of those state university i just want to be dissappear at this point,1
a the title say i have been feeling emotional blunting and i don t take any medication i used to see a therapist but stopped month ago i m not even sure if this is related to my depression but for some time now maybe a month or two and more mildly for a long time before that pretty much everything ha been feeling dull i ve always had trouble cry and expressing feeling my emotion in general but now it feel like nothing can provoke strong reaction in me just a few week ago it wa year since my older brother s suicide and i didn t even feel that sad i tried to find the emotion inside of myself but i just couldn t make myself feel the grief much i also took a month break from listening to music since i felt like i wa listening too much and music didn t sound a good a a result and just a few day ago when i finally listened to music again i put on one of my favorite album which used to always evoke such strong feeling in me but this time it just felt empty ha anybody else felt this,1
everyone s depression stem from the world how can you create your own world to make that depression go away no crazy event in my life make me depressed but the world a a whole doe being like me you see everything i see all the behind the scene shit that go on and it s unfortunate i see everyone for who they truly are my brain is wired to out think everyone because i m a male and use logic i use my logic so much that you come to a point where you see life is actually dogshit thing are such a waste life is rigged and people are actor it s like everything is ruined for me and i can never be happy because my brain see the reality of thing most people live in delusion or a fairy tale like life mean something i see no meaning feel like shit then keep having a snowball affect from being depressed then a the future keep coming i get more behind in this game called life it s like everyone is on their foot running to something meaningless while i sit back and watch the rat so much engine in the world i have a human instinct in me that i wish i never had i distant myself from these human because i hate them all but then the human side kick in and i m lonely because everyone ha feeling i want to create my own reality to make it a fun one living but it s impossible to create my own reality when i have such logical thinking and have to face reality everyday it s so tough because i think a girlfriend would really help me finding meaning and feeling love but i ve never been outgoing in my life because i m just so sad about this reality i have ton of drive and motivation i just need help but can t get nothing because people tend to only help and treat you well when you re in a good spot in life but people who need just some little help don t get it because they appear to be sad and depressed like myself and people shy away from that no real people in this world to help me people find me scary cause i m and have the look of i hate life so no one want to come around me just me please all i need is to feel some fucking love that s it i never had a girlfriend in my life me rn though i m good looking tall and fit i think girl are scared because i see through all the bullshit they only come around when you re winning they never come around and take a chance on you to help create and build a winning man but instead girl wait at the finish line,1
update click here to view version 0 of the list of most helpful comment and resource http www reddit com r anxiety comment t0 f o comment i pkm f utm source share amp utm medium web x amp context update please see the current stickied comment for more information it is ok to include a link that is causing you anxiety and asking people to help explain it better it is also ok to provide a news link alongside your own commentary about the article to help people understand what it is saying in a le anxious way we re specifically going to remove comment that have one or more news link without asking for help or providing original commentary about the article update 0 we have seen a large amount of post that are mainly about sharing discussing specific news article please remember to keep everything relevant to anxiety if a comment is just a news link then we have decided we will have to remove it to keep the thread on topic hi everyone it ha been requested that we create a megathread for all of the event that have been happening with regard to the conflict in ukraine we decided that this is a good idea since so many people have been experiencing extreme anxiety because of it we have opted to have this thread be sorted by best for the time being to read and respond to the latest comment you can manually change the sort to new the reason we re doing this is because we want the most helpful and most grounded comment to float to the top to help a many people a possible keep their anxiety under control during this difficult time for those who want to talk with other anxiety sufferer in more of a live format feel free to join our official discord server with this invite link http discord com invite 9sscse9 http discord com invite 9sscse9 we have added a special channel to it called ukrainediscussion so people can talk about what s happening and help each other a always please remember to be supportive and report any problematic comment so we can remove them a soon a possible thanks the r anxiety mod team,1
congrats r anxiety we ve all made it to wednesday this is a weekly thread that serf a a place for u to shine some light on what is going well in our life it is easy for mental health subreddits to focus primarily on the negative after all we re not here because everything is going wonderfully but once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of place if you look at it right so whether you made it out of bed today spoke up in a meeting or class rode the bus or just stepped outside please share with u what went well for you in the past week any accomplishment victory positive thought or action no matter how big or small is welcome here,1
seems like my anxiety this week ha been the worst it s been in a long time anyone else having a rough time,1
i recently got a weighted blanket to see if it would help with anxiety and it doe but at the same time it make me feel really sad it feel like a giant hug and that reminds me of how lonely i am i rarely receive any sort of physical touch from people whether it be friend or family so whenever i put it on and it feel like i m being hugged i question why i never get hug from actual people and why i m so alone,1
i know i can be intense to deal with when my anxiety kick in i don t know how to get out of the low just wanted to kill my self really,1
i think this is mental breakdown but over the past few month thing have been slowly building up for me and i seem to have finally snapped last week my daily routine is basically wake up shit shower brush and sit on the pc until i go back to bed i eat whenever i feel like it i know it sound and it a shit schedule but it s like the only structure i have in my life a boring and shitty a it is it s always the one thing i can kinda find comfort and stability in anyways the final thing happened that made me snap last week i now wake up and just kinda sit in my bed for a while brush my teeth go walk outside for an hour and then drive around for a few hour then i come back shit shower and the only thing i have left is to sit on my pc but it is borderline painful to do that idk what it is but i just can t handle wasting my time on the pc anymore i ve more or le ditched my online friend and any game video song that i used to enjoy all day i want to be out of the house a much q possible and dread the place that i ve spent so much time in comfort i dread going back to my safe space and wan na avoid it for a long a possible,1
i hate how i can t do anything but think about the phone call and then i feel like i don t have permission to relax until it s over anyone have advice for this,1
no one will read this but there would be occasion i took benzodiazepine and alcohol together and had no memory for example mg ativan and a beer or beer and three ativan or beer and ativan i haven t done that in awhile issue is i am having extreme anxiety that i have ruined my brain chemical somehow like very bad and now i ve convinced myself i ve ruined my brain and i m going to be anxious forever,1
how would you respond i said anxiety is not necessarily a physical ailment it s more internal and what s going on inside my head if you see me happy and cheerful it s because that s what i want you to see i try to hide my anxiety and act normal even though i m dying inside this conversation might seem easy to you but every word that is coming out of my mouth is causing me emotional pain while you will forget about this conversation in an hour or le i will think about it for the next year person shrugged and walked away,1
she is such a narcissist and not a very loving person i m and she treat me like a child i ve grown up to be such an insecure perfectionist because of her she act like i can t do anything for myself i had a job interview for something that i really want and she tried coaching me on what to say and to memorize it so i nail the interview in the way she want me to if i get the job it ll be because of her and tell me all about how i should be grateful that she help me but if i don t get it it s because i didn t do what she told me to say and did what i wanted to do any time i have an achievement it can never be because i did something right it make me so anxious to think about her approval and her reaction because if i don t get this job i already know the lecture that s going to come with it,1
i have been suffering for eight long month after a girl i thought would be interested in being my girlfriend ended thing and left me out to dry it wa a pretty short span of dating and hooking up we talked during the summer and only saw each other in person for a few week but the aftermath ha been the worst thing i ve ever gone through in my entire life i have alienated myself from her because i couldn t stop texting her and asking what i did wrong or saying thing i thought i did to make her not interested and expect her to confirm i am on a no contact basis with her now which is probably for the best because i don t think she even cared that much about me to begin with i can t handle the fluidity of dating how people can just leave something if it isn t working out for them for whatever reason and not know what that reason is i ve already come up with every possible situation or reason in my head that it didn t work out and it s honestly been driving me over the edge since last summer i can t take this anymore luckily it s never gotten so bad that i threatened her with suicide because i remember her saying she had an ex who did that to her and it sound like an awful thing to have done to you but that thought did cross my mind where i wanted to present that a an ultimatum to her if she couldn t just tell me what the exact reason or reason were she wanted to end it but i would never actually do that due to it being shitty to put another person through it s not enough for me to accept that we lived more than three hour from each other or she had a bad long term relationship end and wasn t trying to get into anything serious or she told me she wa feeling suffocated by me it s like the spongebob episode with patrick s secret box i just want so badly to hear what it might have been like she would tell her girl friend behind closed door no matter how bad it might sting or hurt but i know i ll never know precisely what she wa thinking it is so difficult to just move on or let it go like people always say for dating situation like this that to me just sound impossible i just hate dating i hate how some people have such ease jumping from date to date or going on multiple date with multiple people at once or talking to many people at one time it just make me feel so overwhelmed and upset that that seems to be the norm in society i can t take it it make me want to die just knowing that s what i m going to have to deal with if i want to have any hope of finding someone to be with let alone get over this last girl,1
i m a 0 year old male lb lately i ve been having a dull ache that come and go in my chest the right and the left side but never at the same time aching pain in my arm especially around the wrist and knuckle that come and go almost always at night an occasional dropping feeling in my chest like my heart dropping and nerve tingle or zap kind of like an small electric shock at different spot all over my body sometimes it s my hand sometimes it s my neck or face the back of my head anywhere really it s almost always when i m trying to go to sleep at night i have an appointment with my primary care on april th and i m just trying to hold out until then went to the er a few week ago thinking i wa having a heart attack ekg came back normal and they diagnosed me with an anxiety attack and gave me hydroxyzine mg which helped at first but is now hit or miss and i m running out of it everyone at home including my dad who ha had many heart problem and know what it feel like say that it s just anxiety but i m honestly just so exhausted and on edge all the time even on the good day it s always there in the back of my mind that there s something wrong with me even though when i m at work listening to music singing basically exerting myself i don t feel these thing but when i lie down at night to go to sleep it s like everything just wake up and start fucking with me i dread going to bed every night ha anyone had any similar experience or symptom i just feel so alone in all this even though i know i can t be the only one thank you to anyone who actually read all this nonsense even though i don t know you i really appreciate it lt,1
i m feeling every day more drained not only i have to deal with a job i hate but also my anxiety doesn t make it any better i dread going to work it s like all day i m imagining how tiring it s gon na be the day after it s a vicious cycle i can t seem to get out of what s more troubling it s that i ve never could do anything meaningful with my life to improve my situation i don t have any remarkable skill or something that can allow me to find a better job i feel such a loser don t know how much i m gon na be able to resist this these past two year since the pandemic started also made matter worse i m depressed almost all the time i don t feel like going out meeting with friend going to the movie nothing it s like everything it s piling up on me a few month ago i took the step of starting to follow some online course to gain skill that allow me to find a better job but it feel like i m never gon na make it i have negative thought constantly which lead me to believe i m gon na fail my anxiety also doesn t allow me to find a therapist i had a bad experience in the past that left me kinda scarred in this regard and now just finding professional help feel like a daunting task i m so lost what would you do thanks for reading,1
i recently accepted a new position a an hris analyst which i ve wanted for a long time but one thing i feared about the job wa all the meeting we have to lead with cross functional team presentation that we have to make i came up with a good solution to a problem a few week ago and have been configuring everything in our hr system but my manager informed me that before i can move anything into our staff facing system i ll have to present my idea to a team of decision maker i am freaking out i have practiced what i m gon na say wrote down a script anticipated a many question they might ask a i could to make myself feel comfortable but i just know when it s my turn to present i m gon na be shaky nervous heart racing and uncomfortable and i am dreading it any advice on how to get over this this is going to be a part of my job going forward we have to do this for every big project or implementation and i don t know if i have the ability to handle it i didn t realize it wa going to involve this much face to face time with people i just wanted to do configuration i d love to hear some success story or any advice you may have for getting through thing like this i m hoping with time and experience this get easier but i am worried it won t tl dr i have severe public speaking edit anxiety and have to present something to a team of people at work i am terrified and am looking for some good insight into how i can ease my anxiety,1
my anxiety ha been so bad recently and i m developing new fear and irrational thought i work in healthcare and have seen nasty thing like people aspirating choking on vomit and patient dead with throw up all over them i ate something off today and had to throw up i literally had to call my boyfriend i live alone and had the irrational fear i wa going to choke on my vomit or pas out later and nobody would find me until he came to see me this weekend i am honestly really embarrassed he saw me like that doe anyone else get health anxiety,1
hi something weird happened to me yesterday at noon i m tryna understand what it wa exactly i went to some very nice restaurent with my fwb that i ve known for month so we have a trustful relationship at the end of the meal i wanted to go to the toilet in the third room of the restaurent i wa feeling calm and not anxious at all in this moment i didn t know the exact place where the bathroom wa located but when i got to the third room i felt really overwhelmed like i never did before even on acid there were a lot of plate on the wall not that much people but i felt like i understood nothing anymore really had a panic feeling everything looked weird like a dream i felt very oppressed in my body a strange weight i never felt before it wa nothing like regular anxiety it had no reason to be and it happened very fast i wa standing alone in this room i don t even know if people were looking at me i could barely understand where people were or what they were doing i had a strange feeling that i wa really going to lose control of my mind if i stayed here like somebody wa mixing my brain and my perception didn t go to the bathroom get back to my friend he looked at me like this explained the shit to him he wa like i don t think it wa an acid flashback it may have happened to me some month ago and it wa pretty different perspective distortion color changing hallucination did you experienced something like this,1
doe anyone el anxiety cause extreme paranoia for context there will be situation to in which i think a situation is true when it not because of this family amp friend have to constantly reassure me it not wa wondering if anyone dealt with the same thing and if so what did you do to fix it,1
please give me your grounding exercise to keep me busy a i make a long distance move happy thought appreciated,1
so i haven t had a job in a year and today i finally had a phone interview for a work at home position that involved customer service since i have over five year of experience in that realm i thought i wa going to do well like i wa feeling really confident and thought i wa going to slam dunk the interview i watched so many interview video article wrote down interview question and my answer and practiced multiple time in the mirror and recorded myself over and over again i felt so good about myself but when the interview started and he started to ask me question i panicked because they were nothing like the one i thought they would be for the position i could barely get my thought together and form sentence i hung up and he called back and i lied and said the call dropped and then he went onto the next and i just couldn t do it i hung up again and broke down into tear and started to shake lmao at this point i feel like i m stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety i want to get a job again i want to get back into school but this anxiety shit ha me in a chokehold and it s making so sad idk what to do,1
can i talk to someone please,1
i wanted to share some of what i ve written because i find that writing is an outlet that help me to calm down sometimes i sit in a room full of people and stay quiet the loud chatter and the chaos of laughter will fill the room fill my head yet i keep my opinion and question to myself i keep my thought contained in my mind i watch a the girl who betrayed me smile and continues to talk i watch a my friend all happily converse with one another i watch a the boy throw their head back unable to control their laughter they ask if i am okay more quiet than usual and all i can say is that i am tired what they do not know is that i am not physically tired but mentally exhausted my mind is constantly racing overthinking every word that leaf my tongue every move i make and every awkward gesture that display itself during conversation with people i need a rest,1
i am having a hard time nailing down whether i am truly experiencing ocd or anxiety or both amp x 00b doe anyone have any experience with one or both that can chime in,1
i have achieved a good outcome a a manager gave me good comment and feedback however there s this thought in my head that s saying he ll rethink his decision and realise that the praise given wasn t warranted i feel like this worry is uncalled for but it s causing me distress doe anyone know how to deal with this type of thought,1
haven t had one in awhile took med still nothing helped,1
so i have a mild stutter and i just had an epiphany i ve been letting my stutter control me but i found something amazing out i let my stutter define who i wa a a person instead of an aspect of myself it s so bad that when my parent talk to me like a normal person i d think to myself wow they act like i m normal despite my stutter they see past that and when i would work people would see my name tag and say oh i have a son named my name and i would think he probably doesn t stutter tho i let this define who i wa a a person and i let it really get to me i wa looking at old reddit post from other people asking how people view stutter and most people said they didn t care at all and even found it interesting some even said it wa hot cute made joke sound more natural and a a result more funny not like they found the stutter funny tho and one even said they were turned on by it and someone said something that stuck out to me they pretty much said how you perceive yourself is how others will so if i see myself a weird and anxious i will act that way and be perceived in that way but if i see myself a confident and charismatic and just act like my stutter doesn t bother me and even joke about it then others will perceive me a such this blew my mind a i thought everyone didn t pick up on my stutter at first and just thought i wa super weird but it s just me convincing myself of that so even tho this clicked i still can t just flick the switch off so how do i actually become confident with my stutter it s very mild and is fueled by anxiety so if i can get rid of my anxiety it ll in my opinion make me sound more charismatic and confident so i really wan na figure out how to just own it how do i do this,1
everyday is so hard i feel like everyone is fake and everybody think i m stupid or weirdo i ve been bullied alot mainly because i m quiet introvert what people use against me and abuse me feel like every friend or relative think i m nothing i m a failure just stupid it s so hard to live with myself,1
in recent week i ve been starting to learn how to live with my anxiety to the point where i very minimally get anxiety anymore anxiety itself happens a couple time a week still but it s nothing i can t handle today i had an amazing day with friend and of course we drank a lot to the point where i wa very drunk at the end which is okay bc i drink more than average i m 9 anyway it wa an unforgettable day and i went to sleep drunk af boom i wake up with the biggest anxiety attack i ve had in month out of nowhere you all understand anxiety attack so hopefully you get it when i say that i wa totally convinced my body woke me up because i wa dying in my sleep or that a heart attack wa nearing now i m calming down on the couch at 0 am watching the office when i just want to sleep what i just want to get off my chest is that i hate that this stupid disorder follows me around in every aspect of my life it s just really depressing there s nothing i can do to make it stop ever it s just depressing that it s always there around the corner waiting for me i wa so proud of myself for learning how to deal with anxiety but now this shit happened to me and i just feel tired about it i honestly wouldn t wish this on my worst enemy i wouldn t wish it on anyone if i had to choose between infinite money or not having to live with anxiety ever again i d choose the latter every fucking time sorry but i just had to vent about this im just tired,1
i live in my bedroom weekend burn by fast with me playing video game i bought a new car but lack will to learn how to get comfortable with it i want to do thing but i don t want to drive myself to these place in fear of crashing into something and my job is easy and amazing pay but somehow i find a way to disdain it and my coworkers i want to start dating again but all the sudden i ve become embarrassed of who i am i feel like i m boring and not really interesting to talk to my coworkers like to find my insecurity and turn it into a joke for everyone and i haven t done anything to them i m just there i feel like i m losing my grip on reality sometimes and just want to end it forever and if i did nothing of value would be lost and nobody would really care i m afraid of change yet i want it so much at the same time i just wish i were a more outgoing person who doesn t let other s word get to me,1
so i have a mild stutter and i just had an epiphany i ve been letting my stutter control me but i found something amazing out i let my stutter define who i wa a a person instead of an aspect of myself it s so bad that when my parent talk to me like a normal person i d think to myself wow they act like i m normal despite my stutter they see past that and when i would work people would see my name tag and say oh i have a son named my name and i would think he probably doesn t stutter tho i let this define who i wa a a person and i let it really get to me i wa looking at old reddit post from other people asking how people view stutter and most people said they didn t care at all and even found it interesting some even said it wa hot cute made joke sound more natural and a a result more funny not like they found the stutter funny tho and one even said they were turned on by it and someone said something that stuck out to me they pretty much said how you perceive yourself is how others will so if i see myself a weird and anxious i will act that way and be perceived in that way but if i see myself a confident and charismatic and just act like my stutter doesn t bother me and even joke about it then others will perceive me a such this blew my mind a i thought everyone didn t pick up on my stutter at first and just thought i wa super weird but it s just me convincing myself of that so even tho this clicked i still can t just flick the switch off so how do i actually become confident with my stutter it s very mild and is fueled by anxiety so if i can get rid of my anxiety it ll in my opinion make me sound more charismatic and confident so i really wan na figure out how to just own it how do i do this,1
hi last year in matheletics i managed to bag at least top 0 but suddenly this year my playing condition have dropped because when i look at the leaderboard every time it make me more anxious and lead to bad performance in the competition now i can not even reach top 000 this ha been making me more stressed and now i even have mixed feeling to never take part in any of these competition even though it thing that i like are there any way to at least calm myself down,1
so it a beautiful day a lot of sun very warm overal nice but i sweat a lot i m wearing a white shirt and i m sweating a lot under my arm it s really noticeable and idk but it worry me a lot i feel really ashamed of this who else feel like this,1
hi all i m working in human resource for a smaller company and we re keen to making sure we re being inclusive we ve managed to implement flexibility for those who celebrate different religion belief new parent and a variety of physical disability but we re still learning when it come to neurodiversity generally we re very ambitious and strong believer in inclusion for all so we want to make sure we re going above and beyond rather than just doing the bear minimum my question for you is what process and or action have you seen company take that were groundbreaking or in some may made a major difference to you a someone with anxiety it can also be something you heard of rather than something that happened to you specifically if you don t know a company doing something that you feel would be very effective what would you love to see a company do,1
basically earlier i took a hit of this old roach this guy gave me and it tasted bad so i extinguished it didn t know it wa that bad lol he s a guy i know long story short i don t know if it wa moldy so i washed my hand and opened the cap of the case it wa in and just quickly inspected it with my eye not touching it then i rubbed my eye and my felt felt weird lol am i just being anxious maybe i have dry eye i wa smoking some actual fucking normal weed too sigh you feel me random anxiety oof,1
i graduated in 0 9 and since then i moved back home and have been living in my room aside from going place with my family when they would force me and emotionally manipulate me to go which worsened my mental health my mum keep putting pressure on me to go with her to a spa or something even though i tell her it s not good for my mental health for her to try and manipulate me or guilt trip me to do thing with her when she ha friend and sister she can ask to do that with last year of university during the last semester i became mute and forgot how to talk to people because i wa alone and isolated i m socially awkward shy and my self esteem and confidence are none existent i prefer being alone but don t necessarily enjoy my own company i just prefer it to being around others i wa happy when lockdown happened because it meant everyone wa stuck at home like me and we could all be miserable together summer is coming which is my least favourite season because everyone s out and about laughing and having a good time and i m always home alone i don t want to live this way being all depressed anxious and suicidal i want to live and enjoy my life and remaining 0 i turn in a few month what can i do like what step can i start to take to be more confident self loving and go out more also what sort of thing can i do on my own or to find friend and a boyfriend please don t suggest online dating because for some reason i can t download any of the apps on my phone anymore,1
i ve had about panic attack in the past hour i took mg of xanax which usually will alleviate some physical symptom i have not had a case where it hasn t yet this time the chest pain is sticking around and i can t seem to get rid of it anyone else have similar issue or any method of relief,1
is it mostly in your thought mostly in your body or both if it is in your body where is it centered doe it feel like a buzz or suffocating sorry for all the question i m just curious about all of u,1
tomorrow morning my month old son and i fly out of state for a month i ve only flown once when i wa and that wa with my entire family now i m and i m flying alone for the first time let alone with my son so i m carrying his car seat his stroller a big luggage a small luggage and a diaper bag the airport here is ginormous it wa just remodeled and everyone just talk about how it take an hour to walk to their gate i m really stressing out i ve had my anxiety under control super well lately but this is kind of beating me up i just hope it go well i hope we make the flight and my son doe well on it and doesn t get scared thankfully it s only a two hour flight but still,1
on a bad day it feel a though someone ha applied the vignette filter and my field of view is decreased whilst thing become a bit more blurry and le vibrant my eyelid also become a bit heavier a though i ve just woken up after a nap and there s a sort of foggy feeling in my forehead and behind my eye can any of you guy relate to this or doe it sound like something unrelated to anxiety,1
this isn t for me it s for my niece i ve got anxiety and get panic attack and she s got it too and is having a panic attack right now and i have no idea what the fuck to do so someone help me please i can t call her mum a she s on a flight or her sister who is like about to have a baby so someone tell me what i should do i m freaking the fuck out because i know my coping mechanism will not help her whatsoever,1
hi i m new here i have a phobia or heavy anxiety about not being remembered after death and not mattering after death i know nothing really matter but there s this primal anxiety i feel from it that i can not shake i recently started to look at it a little differently that made me feel a little teeny better but is this normal edit also i recently developed a fear of dying suddenly just some recent medical diagnosis sound scary and i haven t lived with them for long so i don t know what the new normal is,1
this town is causing me depression and anxiety i lived here my whole life and i only have bad memory here abuse bullying etc i even have trouble walking and breathing because of the stress i need to leave because it s making my depression worse i tried to talk about it with my psychiatrist but she dismissed it isn t she suppose to help me get out of here,1
i ve been feeling lightheadedness for at least two week it s starting to make my anxiety worse i m feeling thing like chest and neck pain and it s making me freak out i used to have really bad panic attack and i still have a couple xanax from when my doctor gave me a few to deal with the worst of it i know one of the side effect of xanax is dizziness should i be taking it if i m already feeling lightheaded,1
earlier today my mom used a defuser on my hair because it s getting shaggier so the curl are much thicker thus not popping out a much a she wa doing it i started to feel dizzy couldn t hear vision got worse and i nearly blacked out i don t know what the cause for this is so yeah i m posting this idk if this is the right sub for this but it s worth a shot,1
recently wa diagnosed with gad and though i kind of knew i had some sort of anxiety disorder my whole life being diagnosed motivated me to stop avoiding and confront everything i started going to therapy and i learned a lot about myself but the more i practice mindfulness the more i ve come to hate myself i ve spent my whole life constantly caring so much about what others thought of me that i never stepped out of my comfort zone i feel like i have no sense of self identity i convinced myself throughout high school that i wa okay being alone and bypassed a bunch of opportunity i would ve never admitted it out loud before but i realized have such a low self esteem most problem i have created in my life is a result of me it s not like i didn t know this from before hand but admitting it ha made the thought more prevalent i don t know why i feel worse in this sense after getting a diagnosis,1
hi all i m currently living through a nightmare situation and my anxiety is going through the roof i need some advice but mostly support me and my partner took a short trip to rome after a trip to england where i attended my sister s wedding we re both from the u and flew quite far i have a massive fear of flying but having my partner there to hold my hand helped a lot we were supposed to go back to the u today but were surprised at the airport when we were told we needed a negative covid test along with our vaccination card we ran downstairs to get tested and mine came back positive while hers came back negative the italian government required that i came with them and quarantine for seven day in a hotel my partner wasn t allowed to come we had to separate and she went on a different plane back home because there wa no reason to stay in rome for a ton of money when she wasn t allowed to see me at all i wa taken away in a van with dude in hazmat suit and placed in this quarantine hotel by myself the hotel isn t bad they give me plenty of food and water and it s free luckily for me to stay here but i can not stop cry i ve been here for hour and i just can t stop i m so scared i don t know when i ll be out of here so i can t time the end of my quarantine with another plane going back home and i m so so so scared i ll have to get home on my own somehow in a foreign country where people don t speak english very fluently i m stuck in this one room for six more day if i don t calm down somehow i think i ll lose my mind i may try some yoga and watch a many video on my phone a i can but i have so much time to do nothing but stew in my anxiety and cry and cry and cry i want to go home i feel so sad advice would be helpful and support a well i have a lot of people looking out for me but i know no one in italy at the moment so i feel very much alone right now and in case anyone is wondering my covid symptom aren t bad at all only symptom is a runny nose what s troubling me most right now is my extreme anxiety and stress,1
hey guy been lurking on here for a while but finally here to make my first post trigger warning talk of suicidal ideation ironically enough it s anxiety that prevented me from ever posting but we re doing it now i never struggled with anxiety very badly before the pandemic i wa in my first year of college and life ha always been good to me but last year after i went back to school for my second year thing never felt quite the same i now realize it wa general anxiety but it wa kind of scary i wa always stressed sometimes i wouldn t be able to fall asleep at night for a few day in a row everything i did or didn t do felt like a huge deal then i had my first panic attack and severe anxiety attack in the early spring and i finally looked into what wa going on i talked about it with friend and family and that ha helped me get through it then this fall came i wa working 0 hour a week while being a full time math student on the side the anxiety wa worse than it had ever been the level of generalized anxiety wa heightened and the anxiety attack on the side would sometimes push me to suicidal ideation i reached out to on campus treatment and had an appointment scheduled but it got pushed back due to the building that the mental health wa in being closed for a water pipe breaking and the second date didn t work in my busy schedule so i cancelled it it s been a few month since then and my anxiety ha gotten better but still not in a good place i ve gotten really good at normalizing my anxiety telling myself everyone deal with this like i do but after coming home for spring break and talking to my sister and a hometown friend i realize that this is not normal a they both reminded me that there are resource for me that i should pursue i m finally scheduled for counseling next week and am really looking forward to hopefully getting a treatment plan to work through this all,1
i feel like i m in a simulation game movie etc when i wa doin intake at helen ross mcnabb the lady told me it wa depersonalization i don t kno how to feel abt it but i also don t want to be one of those ppl who say they have something when they don t yk idk if that s what it is or whatever it kinda scare me inna way bc i think about stuff from the past n think did that rlly happen like could this rlly be all fake i m kinda stuck the only thing that help in when i m on the game or something,1
i m worried that they re going to think that i wa lying and that i m going to get into some trouble for the past month i had like or refund because the amazon driver keep putting my package outside my gate when they re suppose to put it inside this led to my package getting stolen recently it happened again i couldn t find my package but it turn out my mom brought it in earlier and placed it somewhere and forgot tell me what do i do,1
i feel like my left side of the chest like move everytime like it keep vibrating is it normal,1
i feel like i ve got no energy left to give or to keep up appearance like even responding to folk when they ask simple question feel like lifting a 00lb weight i m exhausted and can t handle the thought of any kind of interaction i m so lonely but so utterly worn out from being anxious to manage the effort can anyone relate,1
i have been trying to drop in on a ramp every time i do it in the last second i lean back and fall i can simulate it in my head but my fear or anxiety prevents me i literally went skydiving last week but i can not get myself to do a simple trick i ve fallen plenty of time so what s the worst thing that can happen it s weird how fear is relative i go skydiving one week and the next week i get nervous while driving or when talking to a girl one ha more fatal consequence while the other one just make me nervous i want to conquer all fear but trying new thing is always stressful,1
my house had a flood one day when i wa home alone it wa really scary in the moment water running down the wall and moving faster than i could handle on my own it wasn t terribly bad but damaged our basement floor so my husband and i had to move everything upstairs we waited for insurance to approve the claim and then decided my husband would do the work himself to save some fund before we bought the supply we both got covid thankfully his symptom were minimal but it wa not a fun battle for me i managed to stay out of hospital but i wa sick for month the family friend we contracted covid from died we also experienced another significant family death during this time not covid related my husband then ran into several setback with the flooring all together by the time the basement wa put back together it had been month month of extra furniture box christmas decoration gaming equipment and other junk all over the house in a jumbled mess a good chunk of the month i wa sick grieving slowly recovering and isolated because of lockdown i also lost all my front gardening work by the contractor digging up and water proofing our window well ever since i find my anxiety go through the roof whenever i hear heavy rain i used to find it really soothing but now i start to panic about flooding happening again or just something bad in general i can t focus on anything other than waiting for it to stop anyone else feel this way about storm,1
been having some off and on anxiety tonite and this old school hippie gave me a roach kinda used joint in the weed community and i m like cool i take a hit and it tasted like as extinguished it and put it away breathing now i looked inside the joint paper and it wa like brown and i worried if the joint wa old moldy also smoked some okay weed i think i m okay i hope just anxious and like wtf,1
i am year old and 9 pound and for the past few day i ve been having this weird chest pain it s right in the center of my chest kind of lower tho like in between my breast and it feel like a dull ache discomfort feeling it s not burning at all and doesn t hurt a lot but it feel strange like a little ache with some tightness it only last le than a minute but happens about three time a day it happens when i m sitting down and it happened this morning when i wa laying in bed about to get up i suffer from bad health anxiety and am scared that this is angina based on what i ve heard about it and there is something wrong with my heart i had holter monitor and ecg s in the past that came out normal but im scared thing changed from there this keep happening and i m so scared,1
hello everyone i just want to share a quick post with you all anxiety is such a disabling state to be in it crushed my life for some time causing a series of tragedy in my life i wa able to cure myself completely of all anxiety forever because i did it i know all can do it it take mental sacrifice and self discipline first i found that anxiety is closely related to thought thought of the past and thought of the future i sat in silence for a long time watching the thought the emotion that came with it until i realized that thought do one thing they take you out of reality reality is now now in this very moment a thought carry a tag with it a tag of past or future something will not go right in the future for you something terrible may happen how do i avoid this impending disaster what will i do i found that when these thought occurred nothing terrible wa actually happening to me we are only imagining something terrible happening it is almost like daydreaming it is not real further it go against reality the future is not here only now is here whatever now is for you maybe this laptop a screen a wall an iphone in a car that s where you really are bring yourself to the present moment where you are always real true and safe similarly with the past it doesn t exist now i know you will say it doe but when you think of anything in the past you are imagining it now remembering is imagining it is a thought if you don t believe me go in the mirror look at yourself and tell me if you have any past hanging off of you do you see it anywhere do you see the future anywhere or do you just see yourself now a you are safe in the mirror thought are not you they are seen by you and you have the power to simply ignore it if it suck you in become conscious of the now where you can bring yourself back to safety lastly i found out the greatest truth in the universe through spiritual contemplation meditation stillness and surrender i found that this world and my body are not who i am that i am the light that shine on all experience the light that illuminates thought and even illuminates my body my identity shifted behind me to the great mystery of life i now know that whatever happens is not under my control in life i am just the light and this light embrace and becomes everything in the universe aye the universe is contained in this light and we are it therefore whatever may happen to my body to my illusory identity it totally fine because i have always been here and will always be here so will you because it is all one thing you can not be told this or learn it you just have to find yourself or rather lose yourself your identity your belief it is a process of humility humbleness internal poverty and surrender become nothing and you will find that you are everything that ever is wa or shall be you are all safe everywhere blessing and love for you all,1
anyone else suffer heart palpitation ive had them for day now and feel extremely scary and wish they would go away ive had them before a while ago and now they are back to annoy me i have a doctor appointment on wednesday but im not sure i can wait,1
i ve been feeling this way for close to a year at this point but it ha gotten worst within the last few week i feel that i am unable to calm down and i m in a constant state of panic at first i passed this off a just stress from school from being behind on assignment but i m all caught up with work now and i just feel even worse my heart ha been racing for literal hour and this kind of thing happens way too regularly now i m also really struggling from being in recovery from an eating disorder and i ve struggled with depression really badly for about a year about a year ago i also went through a traumatic event that cause me to panic whenever i hear any urgent voice from another room im just so done with feeling this way and keeping it to myself all the time and i want some validation for my stress,1
anybody else experience feeling scared of your own mind or wanting distraction from your own self i feel like everyday it s a battle where i need to try to stay sane or find distraction i feel like if i don t find a distraction i might go crazy but if i do find distraction i feel like i m giving in to the anxiety i m so tired,1
i ve suffered with anxiety all my life been on multiple medication from a young age just to try and make my life more manageable i ve grown up because an adult yet i still spend day in bed and cry because my anxiety is just so bad i wake up with the heavy feeling of dread all the time and find even the most minor inconvenience barely managable let alone the big one which entirely crush me i have no idea how to help it anymore i drink alcohol regularly because that s the only thing that help my mind to hush and stop beating me up about everything i do wrong for just a little while any tip from anyone would be most appreciated,1
i m so fucking anxious all the time it s killing me i felt great last august no panic attack for over a year and my social anxiety disappeared so i came off my med within week i wa back on them and haven t been right since the trazodone stopped working so i went on mirtazapine and gained stone in a many month so i came off that and went on agomelatine my anxiety wa increasing severely so my gp put me back on trazodone on the rd march but only after keeping me on agomelatine for week which is basically a placebo pill i ve been in a amp e time in week having a panic attack they give me like mg tablet of diazepam and send me on my way my gp refuse to give me any even though it s so severe i can t get out of bed never mind leave the house i don t know what to do these level of terror aren t sustainable and nobody seems to want to help or prescribe me the one thing that help i m also in the uk which is awful for mental health service no technique help because i m so anxious i can t think about anything else other than heart attack and dying with it i m so tired,1
i m always scared of getting dvt but usually tell myself it s not it and move on i do get leg pain from working a desk job and have had leg ultrasound in the last year that were clear i usually tell myself if it s a symptom i ve felt before i m fine just started a work from home job where walk le i get up every hour but walking around the house is very different than a large office building and my leg ha been hurting which isn t new but i happened to look at where it hurt and it s the area right below my knee cap on the inner part of my leg aka the part that could touch the other leg when i m standing i noticed there is slight swelling there idk if swelling is even the right term since it s not hot or red but def stick out more than the other side maybe about half an inch more which is new considering i ve in the past looked for swelling a i mentioned before it s not hot or red but i am worried yet don t want to cry wolf and get a rd ultrasound in the last year i should mention i have an autoimmune disease that can put me at risk for blood clot but thankfully have had no issue prior i don t want to bother my dr again but also don t want this to be the time i actually have it since i ve never seen swelling on my leg before,1
so i got depression anxiety and the debilitating i can t do ish type i am currently procrastinating on an assignment i need to do fast help also do you guy feel like you have an almost physical pain due to all this stuff that you try to avoid facing,1
my childhood cat died in a horrible accident while no one wa in a room and i saw all the aftermath happen when i ran into the room i ve had anxiety of slamming door book heavy object in general ever since a few day ago my dad wa working on my car since it ha leak and the door were open our other cat are free to go outside and they were out and about since it wa nice well my dad got done working on the car and closed the door later he asks me to put the car in the garage i go and start the car open the garage and begin pulling forward just then i hear two raspy meow and all the blood rush from me i almost start cry i m hyperventilating i jump out of my car and check under the tire but no one is there my cat jump onto my dashboard from the backseat of the car i m so horrified at this point but begin to calm down knowing shes okay and that my dad accidentally locked her in the car for a little bit i m glad shes safe but ever since then i ve had nightmare of running over my cat with the gory imagery coming from my first cat death and those meow my cat voice is naturally like that but sounding more in pain and raspy i dont know why i m so scared i dont even want to drive anymore because of this i always double click my lock button before i unlock and get in so that my car beep and scare away anything my parent get mad at me for doing it in the morning i m so scared of another accident what do i do,1
so i ve been working steadily since i wa i m now i ve been dealing with anxiety panic disorder the entire time i used to have it mostly under control enough that it didn t usually affect my work social life etc but it ha gotten really bad i ve been calling in sick a lot i worked a five hour shift yesterday and i wa having a panic attack by the time my gf picked me up i just don t think i m physically or mentally capable of working right now but i have rent to pay and i can t afford to be unemployed so i m wondering if anybody here ha gotten disability assistance for their anxiety panic attack and how i might go about doing that,1
ha anyone been on this for anxiety im currently on 0mg of lamictal and my anxiety s been getting worse my psych prescribed hydroxyzine but im only able to take it at night a it either knock me out or lead to more physical feeling of anxiety tightness in my chest and headache his only other option he talked about wa an anti anxiety buspar taken everyday but i really want an a needed i take pill a day and ssri snris are not an option i also dont deal with anxiety daily but rather panic attack anxiety attack that occur randomly i guess im wondering how anyone here would describe hydroxyzine in comparison to benzos ha anyone been on both before and have an insight to which may be better i understand the risk i just want some honest info about your experience in what help thank you in advance,1
i feel like i have had this crap since i wa young and depending on whether or not i can convince myself everything will be okay is where my anxiety level are i am constantly plagued by my own thought about dying and more specifically what happens after and the wonderful memory throughout my life that will just be gone i love life so strongly the sunrise and sunset the connection with family friend my husband potentially future child that i ve been holding off on until i can come to some sort of conclusion with this anxiety and the companionship of animal sometimes i spiral into panic over it and just don t know how i m going to keep doing this for the rest of my life the anxiety is so bad that i would say at this point i have depression that i ve never felt wa a label that ha matched me in the past doe anyone have any kind word or advice or anything ha anyone had success with finding their way out of this anxiety i m not religious but i am spiritual and look at life very factually and scientifically this is just one thing that i don t have very good answer to or hope about,1
i ve been feeling anxious and stressed out lately which usually cause me to have chest and pain in the middle of my back now i looked up my symptom on google i know i know big mistake and apparently my symptom mostly align with a condition called stable angina this condition can lead to unstable angina which can be fatal i ve gotten at least ekg done in the past month or so and they have all been normal but i m still scared that maybe my body just can t handle stress and is slowly shutting down i don t know ha anyone else here experienced anything like this,1
the past three day ive experimented with milligram klonipin everyday it made me see life from a different view ive never been able to talk to people talk on the phone make eye contact talk to a girl and im in constant edge the klonopin ha helped durastucally today i applied for three job called place asking to hire and wa able to make confident eye contact can i be on klonipin long term it help so much i really believe i have the world worst anxiety my brain is on like turbo mode all day without it,1
ah yes this is how it feel to walk around without a serpent in your stomach interact with stranger without overthinking every word you say focus on what s in front of you rather than what s swirling inside your mind to feel optimistic and excited day like today almost knock me off balance because i hardly recognise myself when i m completely free of anxiety aka when my atavistic survival mechanism is functioning correctly and not just making thing worse the fact that some people live like this make me unbelievably envious,1
in the last month i started with a new therapist a my anxiety ha been the worst it ever ha in like ten year up until now i wa able to go medication free and just deal with thing little by little through talk therapy now it s like i m again and all the scary physical side effect of anxiety are hurling back through my life my therapist asked me how do you know you re having anxiety before your physical symptom for me it s a lot of shaking in arm leg and jaw getting really flushed skin picking tic heart racing get uncontrollable and i couldn t answer her question because like i don t know i m having anxiety until i get those big red flag physical cue what are some smaller physical cue you get before you get more extreme one,1
two day ago i got the biontech vaccine my third dose on the night immediately after i got the vaccine i had a celsius degree fever on the next day it went down a bit i think it wa ish but wa evidently better than my first day today i still felt a bit hot and i checked my temperature to be around a well yet i don t feel super unwell just sometimes i would feel my body is a bit warmer than usual may i ask if this is okay people say that if your fever doe not go away hour after vaccination something is wrong but i don t have any other symptom no pain no fatigue whatsoever may i ask if this is something that i should be concerned about,1
hello my daughter is suffering from what doctor initially diagnosed a depression we tried different med and all resulted in a flat affect and her staying in bed eating seemingly only carbs and gaining weight weaning off resulted in a year old thst ha life but is still anxious to the point of impairment at time she is terrified to try anxiety or adhd med a she doe not want to end up flat her word i am not looking for medical advice rather i am wondering if anyone ha experience with medication that did not totally remove emotion i hope this make sense and i thank you for reading,1
i ve noticed that for a few glorious minute in the morning right after waking up i m great calm unbothered soft but then i can feel stress in my body and then i m not sure how to get rid of it and it build a anxiety doe how do you all get rid of body stress in the early morning,1
i am mexican and i speak spanish i am using google translator to avoid any error i m and i don t have social anxiety but i do have anxiety disorder and although i know that there is nothing that can harm me physically or cause something serious since i already checked my sadness and the thought that i will never get over it i get tired and i feel that if i sleep or relax i can even die of a heart attack this is the first time i post something on reddit but i think this group can help me,1
any one el see the slightest double not like seeing it bad but in a mild way like hard to focus on looking at thing like ur finger for example if u have doe it ever go away i got it from being derealized for a year n a half im not extremely derealized any more but it s slightly their but if u have experienced this what did u do to help it im gon na start going to therapy to find the root to my issue soon how did u guy benefit from therapy i m exited i m just constantly questioning every thing n feeling scared i just wish i could feel normal again i m constantly anxious i hate being in car and just being any where in general,1
everyone tell me to go outside but for year i get nervous who will i run into what will i say if my neighbor stop to chat with me even putting all that aside even if none of those thing happen i am still anxious,1
besides taking deep breath what else can i do,1
i have a constant fear that i m going to have cardiac arrest or a fatal arrhythmia i f in good health just got back from the gym and it wa great now i m in my car about to get lunch and bam my anxiety kicked in and my heart started beating soo fast honestly it probs only beating 00bpm and all i can think about is what if i die from a cardiac event i m on beta blocker literally for my anxiety and am in therapy but sometimes these thought happen from time to time and it s frustrating i have no real problem with my heart and it s all in my head but sometimes i just wish it would turn off,1
last november i had a week where i wa so scared of death i couldn t sleep eat drink do anything i have a lot of anxiety and this wa just another one of those thing which bother me every so often but a lot more intense at that point maybe day go by i m so scared i decide to get really high to forget about it not a great idea but nothing go bad day later i start to have really really intense muscle twitching it made my anxiety so bad i had to go go a amp e a i couldn t breathe fast forward month later and i m still twitching every 0 second haven t used any drug in that time until the last week or two i ve noticed it make the twitching way worse when high if i m anxious at all but if i m not anxious the twitching is the same a normal so i m pretty sure it is anxiety related have had blood test done for deficiency s and nothing i also had a test done which told me i m producing time the normal amount of adrenaline constantly pretty sure this is the cause i have no idea what to do and how to stop this and it s driving me insane i m trying to get anxiety med but i have no official anxiety diagnosis so i m not sure if i even can i ve got a doctor appointment earliest they could do is in a month and a half could anyone help me on what to do,1
my parent have never really cared about what i m doing online because they trust me to be safe plus i am a teenager so i know about internet safety and stuff which is good because i don t like my parent knowing what i do online and it not think in doing anything bad i just don t like my parent knowing i don t even want them to know what show i watch i don t know why this is but recently i ve started blocking my bedroom door with my chair my room is very small so all i have to do is wheel my chair back slightly to block it and when my mum come in she always asks me why i ve blocked my door and then she asks if it because i m watching naughty thing she doe always asks this in a joking way but it make me uncomfortable i just don t know how to tell her how uncomfortable it make me so any advice with telling her would help me a lot,1
can anxiety cause pain where ur heart is i ve had ekg n been to the dr n they said i wa fine but my mind think it something else yk,1
idk if anyone else get this i get anxiety poop sometimes but i also get anxiety vomit idk if it from excessive hyperventilating when i have an attack or just from the anxiety i get super nauseous and have no choice but to go vomit this can happen every night if it particularly bad doe anyone else get this i tried looking it up and i couldn t find much regarding vomiting when having a panic anxiety attack it the worst,1
i feel like i have always had anxiety ocd but it ha never really negatively effected my life like it doe now it feel like it is really getting in the way of my daily life being that i made it year without it having huge effect doe that mean that it can go away or will this just be my life now amp x 00b any thought that people have from experience,1
hi i am an y o female and i struggle with social anxiety i am attending my last year of high school year and i ve been struggling attending school lately especially history class a i have a presentation that wa due week ago it s only in front of the teacher i ve had this teacher for maybe three year now but i hate presenting in front of him i had him in year and too in german but last year it got so bad i had to get help i even went down a grade because of my anxiety he s not a bad teacher or anything like that but he ha this habit of pointing and making u student talk even if we don t necessarily want or is able to which ha made me scared to attend his class i want to cry just thinking about it he also doesn t give any confirmation when we present something he just look disappointed and it doe not help at all he doe this even when we do a good job get good grade i m also not confident about this presentation and i have barely slept these past couple of week because i feel bad about not going to school i sit up wanting to try fix on it but i never end up doing it because i just feel like i can t it s really frustrating it is ruing my attendance and grade in other class too any advice i am in this horrible circle and i just can t seem to get out i almost don t even want to but i m scared i am going to fail history and i can not do it all over again it s too much,1
nowadays it s a if my body is just tired of being anxious all the time like it doesn t really care anymore like it s just an annoying pest i get intrusive thought which fuel my anxiety and my neurosis it seems that after dealing with it all for so long the constant worrying the obsessing the hyper fixation the pacing back amp forth the chest pain and the dizziness the shallow breathing i m just tired of it so tired of fighting my mind and body is basically starting to tell itself man what are you even toiling over what s the point why worry about what s not there what you can t control it s one thing when others say that kind of stuff to you but when you realize it yourself it hit different somehow i m starting to actually feel some relief for the first time in a long time this is an interesting development in how i feel towards my mental health i guess it s some kind of progress though not the ideal way to overcome the anxiety it s better than nothing i m sure i m not out of the wood yet but hey i ll take it i want my life back i don t know if anyone else ha made this realization too i m just kind of venting keep your head up everyone stay safe out there,1
i would know if i had a brain damage injury anyersum or my brain is bleeding in the past like month ago my ex boyfriend would punch me in the head pull my hair one time he punched me really hard i had a bump and a extreme headache for day it went away i never went to get it checked because it went away something would have happened by then right if i wa bleeding or had something going on from then on i been stressed and i have headache everyday mainly at a certain time i been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder i just need reassurance im okay right i wa playing a game on my phone all of a sudden my head started feeling really tight and weird anyways the point is is the stress causing it he used to hit my head alot the last time wa like month ago but before that too other than the concussion i felt fine would i have blacked out if it wa bad enough to do damage i never did i been fine but i started having headache reccently maybe stress im fine right plz give me reasssurace answer this i would know if i had a brain bleed how long after a accident can ur brain bleed would i have known by now,1
the worst symptom of my anxiety is that i find it impossible to sleep when sharing a bed or even a bedroom it s like my brain won t switch off with someone else there it ha an impact on relationship obviously but also on just thing like going on holiday with friend because it s way more expensive to have to book my own hotel room rather than share doe anyone have the same issue ha anyone found way to fix it i d be ok with not sleeping a well a normal but it s literally like the difference between hr alone and 0 hr with company i can t function if i share for day in a row,1
i have had a lot of problem with anxiety for a long a i remember a lot of my struggle involve health medical anxiety i ve reached a point where i know i need help but i have absolutely no idea where to start medical environment cause me inexplicable fear and dread so waltzing into a doctor office and saying i would like a referral for mental health care is not feasible,1
i suffer from anxiety and ocd so i went to a neuropsychiatrist who prescribed me a month treatment which is paroxetine paxil 0 mg he told me to start with half tablet the first day then take a full one for the rest of the day i took it at midday prazepam 0 mg half tablet at midday the other half at night clomipramine mg one tablet at night he didn t tell me anything about tapering off so i stopped them abruptly and ended up experiencing very bad annoying withdrawal symptom like nausea vomiting headache weird sensation in my muscle i felt my body vibrating vivid dream dizziness stomach pain shaking fatigue anxiety mood change i felt depressed cried a lot too etc litteraly a nightmare it s been week since i stopped them and the withdrawal symptom are becoming le intense compared to the first day thank god and honestly i m never approching these medication again i just hope the remaining symptom dissapear too then i ll stick with therapy and herb my question is will this abrupt discontinuation have bad long lasting effect on my body or will this all go away permanently after the withdrawal suffrance stop thanks,1
even when i have logical proof that it isn t true i still can t help thinking everyone find me annoying and hate me one example of this is a guy that work in the reception of my accommodation we get along well we talk more often than we would need to and often about thing that aren t customer employee related he ll asks me question about my family and my life when he doesn t need to in reality the only interaction we need to have is me collecting parcel or if i have problem with the accommodation so clearly all other conversation is optional and he wouldn t talk to me if he didn t want to yet i still can t help but think he hate talking to me and would rather i just leave him alone and yes there is the possibility that he s just putting up with me for those few minute but even then i know this probably isn t true a he suggested i apply for student ambassador next year and he wouldn t do that if he couldn t truly stand me because the role involves working with him for multiple hour so why despite these solid fact do i think he can t stand me and how do i stop thinking like this,1
i m not financially stable enough right now to afford a therapist but my anxiety is really bad and since i m going into university soon i need to get over it really soon can i just do exposure therapy by myself like throw myself out there and just hope for the best and possibly have multiple panic attack,1
recently i broke up with my girlfriend i m in a deep feeling of solitude i had a panic attack last night she feel better but i keep questioning my self for what i did wrong i can t sleep and i m feeling very anxious someone can help me,1
if you d like to know my particular situation see my last post in r personalfinance to summarize i have intense anxiety about graduating college i don t think my anxiety would be so bad if it weren t for my parent telling me how hard life is and trying to give me nonsensical advice on what i should do such a getting an apartment before getting a job it may be important to note that they are not successful adult in term of career finance if i had to describe myself in one word these day i d say scared i m scared of so much and most of the fear is irrational spiraling thought i ve always been successful in school but i m so scared that adulthood is just too hard everyone tell me how hard it is i think i m making the right decision but i m so so so unsure of myself this ha been making my daily task really hard small task have become insurmountable there s phone call i ve been putting off i do all my assignment right before they re due and most of all it s so so hard to think plan for my future after graduation i start cry get super brain fog my stutter intensifies a ton and i hyperventilate then i tell myself i m not in the right state of mind to make decision right now so focus on dealing with the anxiety so i m turn i feel unprepared for my future the thing is i do have a plan a detailed in my last post i feel like i m in a fine position for someone my age situation i just overthink constantly thank you all for letting me rant please comment if you have any advice or kind word,1
hello all i am sorry i have to make a post for this i am just new to therapy and medication my therapist prescribed me lexapro and told me if that didn t workout or it made me too sick or lightheaded she would switch me to zoloft what is the difference all i can find is horror story on lexapro or people acting like it s a miracle drug i find the same on zoloft i also am in a career field that requires intensive concentration during period of time firefighter paramedic and i have heard lexapro make it hard to focus or concentrate thought comment concern story all appreciated i just need insight,1
ha anyone had a panic attack for the first time or not even necessarily for the first time but just a bad one and it changed their anxiety physical anxiety symptom i had my first ever proper panic attack in january of this year it wa awful and i went to a amp e thinking i wa dying a bit over a month went by and i wa fine but then suddenly out of nowhere i got an insane head rush when i wa trying to sleep it disappeared when i opened my eye then came back again when i closed them it caused me so much distress and i had no idea what it wa i wa having anxiety attack and wa in a constant state of alertness and worry ever since then i ve had constant light headedness brain fog just feeling completely spaced out type of feeling i ve been on constant alert wondering if i m feeling dizzy spaced out and it s just progressively gotten worse from there i feel tired all the time and mildly disassociated it s honestly ruining my life i ve had multiple test done and they ve all come back clear so i m wondering is this all just my anxiety having gotten worse after that intense panic attack i need to know if these physical symptom are due to anxiety or not any help is really appreciated lt,1
i really want to get a dog i think it would help me with my problem my boyfriend like dog but he like cat a little more i prefer dog,1
those are longest symptom along with nausea fatigue dizziness overwhelming feeling,1
i m a straight male i haven t really had a serious male friend since middle school and i ve pretty much realized that outside of family i only really want to talk to woman in general i don t exclusicely try to talk to woman that i find attractive i have trust issue with men and woman so it must be something else is this maybe some form of annxiety i have bad gad i just don t understand this aspect of myself,1
i m not a big fan of sharing overly personal stuff online so i ll just say that i ll have to take a moderately long plane ride soon a couple week from now i think and every day i have at least one mini panic attack worrying about it there are some minor complication that could happen to me on the flight but nothing particularly harmful or super bad in any sense i m mostly concerned about anxiety claustrophobia and the side effect of that while on the flight this is stressful and feel pointless a i know from past experience i never know how i ll feel until i m there or in this case in the anxiety inducing situation any advice,1
i ve literally never changed my hairstyle it s just been a trim on top and on side but recently i ve started going out more and a few people i ve met out ha said to me that getting a medium fade cut would look good i ve always had a problem with barber though i have to go in about 0 minute before it close on a friday a that s the least busy time i only ask for the same cut because i hate making change how do i word it what do i say when i come in having a script in my head make thing easier cheer,1
hi just wanted to share my experience and hopefully get some advice from people who suffered through same symptom when i have extreme anxiety period i can not eat almost at all i eat one small meal a day if im lucky also vomiting can not be avoided when these episode come i have vomited several time when i wa out with friend for example i would say i have to pee and i would vomit my soul out of my body how can i help myself i am tired of dealing with this,1
hi so can anxiety stress make a person physically ill like shivering dizzy throwing up nauseous no appetite drastic weight loss i need serious help i ve always had alittle anxiety who doesnt i have been biting my nail my whole life but recently i ve been having health issue going to the hospital and doctor constantly and they find nothing wrong i eventually got diagnosed with ibs but isn t ibs linked to stress my symptom have been getting worse i lost both my grandpa in 0 i got accepted into school which is exciting but maybe stressful i constantly feel like i need to puke i m not really eating i m losing weight when im on a date with my boyfriend i ruin the whole thing cuz i just need to go home and lay down someone please help me i have a doctor appointment to discus this but i just want outsider opinion i feel lost confused and scared,1
in high school i wa quiet mind my business didn t talk to many people i noticed that certain people just didn t like me one time a teacher moved a girl to sit next to me and she made this weird face like annoyed and when she sat next to me she wa slightly turned ti the direction i wasn t in and not facing straight another occasion i wa sitting in a table with other people and none of them would bother to talk to me even when i tried to make a convo or ask a question and one of them actually cut hair now and my brother and dad cut their hair with her and they re always saying she talk a lot etc she s friendly today i went to that place to cut my hair and she wa completely quiet just asked me what hair type i wanted and the price of the cut i didn t want to start a convo cause i knew that back then she wouldn t even want to talk i just feel like i have something that just make people dislike me for no reason,1
ha anyone had really intense brain fog this year i mean it s been pretty bad before but i genuinely can t remember stuff and relative time is confusing sometimes a day feel like a week or i ll think i discussed something with someone on monday and it s been week and they ve been waiting for me to follow up i ll be halfway through making a decision and it take me forever bc my brain get stuck and then i forget what i wa even trying to decide,1
so i know i shouldn t because everyone experience anxiety differently but my social anxiety really hinders my ability to socialize and a a result i really can not currently build up the courage to have even basic social interaction sometimes i hear very popular people with ton of friend say that they have social anxiety or have no friend and it just make me angry inside or social medium influencers it s like i m mad because my social anxiety hinders me from doing what they do,1
obviously trigger warning for talk about sexual activity i don t know why and i don t know if i m supposed to do something about it or just ignore it since i don t necessarily have any interest in having sex with another person sometimes i ll want to masturbate but that s it i don t want to be having sex with anyone however when i do try and masturbate i ll suddenly get hit with emotion of anxiety and guilt and disgust and i have to immediately stop i then start cry and panicking and i don t know why a far a i can remember i ve never had a negative experience with sex or sexual harassment or sexual assault i mean i have experienced a friend that would try and touch me inappropriately but at the time it didn t really bother me since i didn t fully understand what she wa trying to do i d just push her off and after a few time she stopped otherwise that s it i don t know why this happens i don t know if this mean anything or i m just really weird,1
starting next month april 0 i ve landed a job at somewhere i have no experience in because all i know is kitchen work it s a filing job and it s very social and communication based something i clearly have anxiety with i will be speaking to people face to face and on the phone daily and i get so anxious thinking about it if anyone ha any advice please help me out i want this job because i hate working in kitchen thank you,1
i tried to end my misery last week but my boyfriend intervened since then he told me he is emotionally checked out but yet we are still together i m so confused he won t touch me or kiss me he rarely smile at me or converse with me when he get home from work i feel so alone i literally have no one to all to about how i feel or what i am going through besides my dog,1
so i wa just working a completely normal day in fact i felt pretty good i work at a goodwill so it s relatively social but i can handle it cause honestly every person that enters that store is fantastically polite and friendly but for some reason half way through my shift i begin getting light head i assumed it wa my tight hat or my new prescription glass so i took those off and got back to work and for a little bit actually helped but it got worse and worse my hand were shaky and i wa super light headed bless my coworkers cause i mentioned i wasn t feeling great and my manager let me have a break despite not requiring one due to shirt shift one of my coworkers actually spent a dollar to get me a snack and i wa improving i didn t wan na leave these lovely people short staffed a i wa the only product handler closing so i tried getting back on the floor and instantly i wa back in it and again bless my manager cause she suggested it wa fine and i could go home i got in my car and instantly my face felt numb by the time i wa home a relatively short drive my chest wa super numb too im i ve only ever had this feeling once before and i wa wondering if this is what a standard panic attack feel like how do i bring this up with my dad in order to get this figured out sorry if this wa long it actually helped a good bit in getting me relaxed just writing this,1
the negative emotion and thought neat study is recruiting adult age in canada and the u to participate in an online survey examining how people experience and manage negative thought and feeling including suicidal thought and emotion dysregulation eligible participant will be able to enter a gift card draw to complete the online survey see if you re eligible please click here http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg thanks so much for giving u a chance to share our research study feel free to contact u if you have any question or concern,1
this is the second time i ve felt this weird sensation it s like in the back left part of my head literally feel like someone s taking their thumb and pushing in my head for like 0 second it feel like pressure slightly building up then vanishes anyone else i ve had brain sinus ct blood work ekg all clean scan,1
i ve never hated anything this much in my entire life i m stressed out i m so stressed out i m constantly stressed out i m tired of cry every day over school i m tired of being left out by people i thought were my friend everything is so difficult and i want to die i genuinely want to die this is too much it s too much and i m only in freshman year i m only life is only going to get harder from here on and if i m already like this i don t even want to see what s in store for me life suck school suck i want to shove a knife into my head,1
i m currently an art student at university and i m trying to pas the year but my anxiety coupled with my low self worth ha made it dangerously difficult to complete any kind of task or face up to any kind of challenge it s already taking what i have to take care of myself everyday and to give myself break whenever thing get tough but my work demand a lot and i want to get through it but whenever i look at what i have to do the thing i need to do i shut down i can t imagine myself ever completing these task or accomplishing thing and this is my last chance at university or i have to drop out i don t think i could take that kind of failure i want to be able to sit down and work hard face the challenge and either fail and try again or triumph and move onto the next so much of me is tied to the confidence i have in a task on a good day i ll create something i never thought i d do on my own but those day are rare i ve tried therapy but i can t afford it anymore and free healthcare here mean waiting month for a chance at a session ha anyone felt something similar to this or know what could help so far just typing this out ha helped a bit,1
i made some really careless mistake at work today i ve been making similar mistake recently i messed up some stuff today and i m going down this slope like i m not good at my job and everybody is going to find out how bad i am and i m gon na get fired and won t be able to pay my bill and lose everything i have i don t know how to stop the negative thought,1
what can i do to help me with chest pain and uncomfortable chest please im desesperate,1
i feel like sometimes i can t tell if it s anxiety or really a gut instinct,1
i rlly hope someone understands this but i return to school next week and i just had a meeting with my dean and mother and we got onto the subject of grade and he told me and my mum my grade were shocking and that i slack off and when i heard this i literally wanted to cry sure i struggle with math alot and it not my strongest subject but all the other subject i work hard i pull all nighters to get work in on time i ask question in class i get people to read over my work and give me pointer and i have gotten ok grade in most of my subject i never ditch any class and i always listen but my dean wa painting it out to my mum like im some delinquent who is always skipping class and slack off and it really hurt me because i do feel like i really do try my hardest in school idk it really making me start to feel that everyone is out to get me,1
tw child loss long story short my infant son passed last year and my fil is a pastor we were invited to a spaghetti supper tonight and of course had to go going to these event is anxiety inducing for my husband and i but usually if we lay low we can tolerate it there s this lady who ha to hug u and she just come up with this huge grin and loud voice and hug u doesn t ask or anything just hug and kiss u on the cheek like lady it s covid season and please don t just touch me when we left i just broke down sobbing i can t do it that s just too much and sends me into a panic i m gon na have my pastor fil have a conversation with this woman that it s incredibly inappropriate and unwanted for her to just be hugging u like that,1
so i ve had anxiety almost my entire life and it really impact my day to day functionality i recently got dumbed by someone i thought wa my soulmate there reason is because of my anxiety they though i wa manipulating them and lying to them it made me defensive and defend position i didn t believe but i keep having a panic attack over both losing them and never finding someone again so to my question i have time where i m hyper focused on one thing and that one thing will make me anxious every day for a month or more right now it s the breakup previously it s been about dying or about issue regarding sex ha anyone had this where everyday they have this anxiety and nothing can stop the constant thought about one subject it feel like i can think of nothing else,1
my friend recently gave me this very beautiful stained glass flower and i really like it but my brain just can t accept that it is a nice gift my brain keep thinking oh it wa actually meant for someone else she had a crush at the time she said she brought it but he turned out to be an asshole or it wa just some trashy item she brought at a cheap market or any number of these thing i know it s stupid to think these thing and i have no reason to think them i think i am just scared to put my emotion into this gift in case it turn out to be fake logically i know i should just believe her and even if it is just some rubbish from a pawn shop the fact that she s given it to me a a gift is what matter even if is the worst case scenario i wouldn t actually be that hurt and i would still like the gift i guess it s just the fear of being fooled or taken advantage of that is scaring me i don t want to really treasure this gift and then get the rug pulled from under me how do i go about actually appreciating this gift,1
so i m have had depression since i wa snd i suffered from anxiety since 0 my anxiety wa not that bad overall i might have a bad day here or there but i never really had it for week or month like i have it now i know i get it really bad the longer i m in my head the next part is the backstory and i would like your guy opinion on what to do so there this girl in college that i absolutely adore we have the same major and we graduate in may i ve known her for about year and i told her how i felt and asked her out in december i didn t know she just gotten out of a relationship so she said she wasn t ready for one and she needed some time to get in the right mindset she told our mutual friend about and told her that s the only reason she didn t say yes the next part i completely screwed up i never told her that i wa waiting for her i wanted to but would chicken out i wa planning on texting her every couple of day but personal stuff came up and i thought some of it would be to heavy of a subject matter to talk with her about like my grandmother being on death s door so i didn t really sayuch during our winter break also this is when i really started to get in my head i would just imagine all these different scenario and date with her and it just made me anxious and i didn t know how to stop them then by the time i worked up the courage to figure through my anxiety to tell her some different stuff like i m willing to wait for her that i appreciated a certain day and how she made special to me and how i feel like a very closed person and i wanted to open up with her she got in a relationship and i don t blame her i blame myself because looking at it from her point of view it seems like i wa not interested in her anymore also just want to insert that she know i care for her when she had covid i checked up on her everyday since then i been having what i think are panic attack i will have the shortness of breath and my hand will start shaking uncontrollably and recently i will also have some chest pain with it before she got the relationship i started going to counseling to try to improve my mental health to let you know how i feel about this person she make me feel like no else ha ever done before my feeling gor her are so intense and i ve tried to move on but the feeling get stronger she belief in me more than i so myself plus my heart think she might be the one which i know is crazy she s the most important person in the world to me and i don t want to lose her after graduating here lately i feel like i been acting strange around and it s because of this anxiety so my question is do i tell her what i m going through i feel like this will help with my anxiety and give her some insight to why i ve been acting the way i been how much do i tell her i feel if i don t tell her my anxiety will keep on getting worse and i probably won t be able to actually have a conversation with her the rest of the school year and we might drift apart after graduation i would still like to be friend with her after graduation thank you for reading this also i don t know if this is the right community for this but i would really value your opinion,1
hey guy just kind of a nervous rant here so sorry if it s long i work at a job where it s an open and fun environment with about other people about a month ago i had a yearly review with my bos who actually ended giving me a small promotion i wa super excited and feeling optimistic my team had been performing well and our bos like to reward u with small thing if we hit our number beer on a friday buy pizza for u for a lunch day etc in the heat of the dopamine rush i wa having from the promotion i had the spontaneous idea of doing a roast for our bos in the office after work on a friday we re all fairly close a far a co worker go with each other so at the time i didn t think this seemed like a bad idea he thought it wa a good idea and said that would be fine he agreed to get food beer for it i thought awesome so i announced it at one of our weekly meeting people seemed meh about the idea but it wa on the calendar this thing is getting close and i have so much anxiety about how embarrassing and awkward this is going to be not to mention my bos usually doesn t come into work on friday but agreed to specifically for this event i know of only other guy that have a few joke written but have no clue of anyone else is even willing to participate i wasn t thinking at the time that the majority of people hate public speaking don t want to attempt comedy in front of their co worker and be taking shot at their bos on a friday after work we have fun at work but i m getting the sense that no one is really into this i think it ll end up being me up there speaking for about minute maybe getting an uncomfortable laugh or two and then having this be a gigantic failure going to be really hard to show my face at work if this doesn t pan out if you made it this far thanks for reading just had to vent and get this out there,1
i wa prescribed 0mg paxil and am on my second day first day felt like nothing but the second my jaw began clenching and shaking headache and the topic of this post a weird feeling in my penis the best way i can describe it is the equivalent of going on a rollercoaster or something like that and your dick feel like it s trying to crawl back up inside of yourself that feeling but constant and le intense i can t find anyone with a similar experience despite my searching which is why i m posting here i still get off fine but the health anxiety still remains curious to know what that may be indicative of also the username wa meant a a joke never thought it d become reality lmao,1
hi all i m f i ve had very bad anxiety disorder since 0 0 when my uncle passed away the following year i started taking medication and while it help it s not a cure all both my parent passed under different circumstance in october and it s wrecked my emotion i try to do the best i can but sometimes it s just a mess i m out of town right now and i feel so outside of my comfort zone i know i m safe but my stomach is in knot and sorry tmi i haven t left the bathroom much doe anyone have any advice is there anything i can do to calm myself or center myself thank you in advance,1
i have a constant fear of potential health problem and not being loved and ruining my relationship when i m with him i m constantly thinking of thing that can go wrong and way i could screw up and illness that we could suddenly have i am exhausted of living but he make me energetic about life i hope i don t screw thing up with him he s great and my happy place i m anxious and i overthink just about everything coming out his mouth even when it is kind trying to take it day by day just wanted to rant,1
i have serious insomnia and messed up hour and anxiety i ve been given hydroxyzine in 0mg and mg for sleep and only x 0 mg xanax per month for anxiety a lot of the reason i can t just sleep is anxiety 0mg of hydroxyzine doesn t seem to work on me anymore mg knocked me out but i woke up extremely groggy with a fast heart rate and these effect lasted the rest of the day it feel horrible i could take the xanax but i m limited to tab a month it s fine for me anxiety wise i just feel chill with it but i ve heard valium might be better for sleep faster effect and last longer too i m wondering whether i should ask my psychiatrist to let me try valium instead but i have a feeling she will limit me to tab a month a well exceedingly strict rule for benzos here ha anyone tried both valium and xanax what wa the difference for you should i even give the hydroxyzine another try if so in what dosage,1
so ive had a few small victory here and there which have made me noticed how we all make stuff 0x worse than how it actually is idk if it gon na be a long post but hopefully not so my main struggle is health anxiety it shocking how much it changed me ive always lived with it but it became a thing a bit before the pandemic obviously the pandemic made it 0x worse anyways i wa not working barely working out and barely had a social life isolation so i knew i had to do something i enrolled into a master degree in europe i live in mexico so it a big move anyways coming wasnt that hard actually the first few week it wa easy i walked around my new city went out etc my health anxiety wa still there but diminished so now i start class and ive always been a shy person i dont come across a shy somehow but i am and i wa having a hard time feeling like i had friend one thing about my anxiety is that im super functional i may be dying in my head but im still at school and whatever but the thing is i dont have social anxiety i love meeting new people but because i wa in my head dying or thinking that i wa having a stroke or something the nerve were translating to me talking to people i felt odd weird and that everybody noticed im sure there were time were they did but here come the good part a friend frome home came to the same course a me but she came in a few month late so about a month ago when she got here and went to a few class she asked me how are you friend with everybody i wa like huh i feel like im forcing myself on these people and only talk back if they talk to me i dont feel like i have friend ofc i didnt say that but i told her oh yeah whatever lol second victory wa today we have a class where a teacher talk all the time and barely let u talk she had u gather in team for a debate and when it came to me she stopped the class and said you meaning me im gon na pick who you go with cause youre a chit chatter and talk to everybody so they all want you in their team thinking i would have no problem debating since i dont have an issue talking in public at least in my class i wa shocked i still felt like a weirdo sure i did crack a few joke here and there but didnt really feel like people would noticed if i didnt show up but idk it made me realize how even when my mind is crumbling and im on edge people dont notice a much a i think if i told you all the stuff im thinking while im talking to people yall would laugh is this headache a stroke or maybe covid is this twitch a clot am i gon na faint now is this pain from overdosing on pain killer last week and my kidney is about to fail that is just an example of what my mind is thinking while im trying to have a conversation with people this is kind of a wake up call because it all in ur head ive been worried about stroke and disease obsesivelly for year and literally knock on wood everytime everything come back clear and the only think that worrying ha brought me is not enjoying where im at of course it easier said than done but omg im gon na try to remember this everytime,1
i have always had anxiety but trt to deal with it on my own but it s getting worse is joint tendon and muscle pain a sign everything else check out fine thanks,1
after a year of not getting the vaccine i have to get it because i m going to another city for a panoramic xray i have severe anxiety to the point that my heart is always racing and i can hear the loud beat and it interferes with my health exam one time the doctor got mad at me because she s not satisfied with my bp knowing that i wa anxious the entire time so she ordered me to drink xanor alprazolam before the vaccine however xanor is not available in my place even in the city the vaccine incharge won t jab nervous people i feel so helpless i need to get the xray asap because i m always in pain over my wisdom tooth,1
hi everyone got prescribed citalopram celexa for anxiety yesterday and took my first 0mg last night i woke up a lot earlier than usual today and couldn t go back to sleep a easy i m reading about the side effect and noticed that one can be insomnia i don t know if it s the citalopram or my anxiety kicking in from reading all these side effect but i m feeling more on edge than i did the past few day at this point i m unsure about continuing a i haven t had a serious panic attack in a while and i wanted medication for low mild anxiety i do know that citalopram can eventually provide great result but i m also worried about the withdrawal symptom of coming off of it can anyone else share their first day story so i m not worrying my head off is pill enough to trigger these side effect thank you,1
i ve had a lot of anxiety about taking antidepressant but i finally did it after having a couple really really bad week recently first day is going okay i m a little nauseous and have dry mouth just proud of myself for making a necessary change and hopefully this is the right prescription for me,1
anyone ever had a delayed response to an anxiety inducing event like even when you were having anxiety during the event i had something super duper stressful happen on sunday and last night i wa horribly nauseous all night long and my fianc think it wa a delayed response to what happened on sunday any insight,1
although my colleague and bos have been really supportive and nice to me my mind tell me they secretly hate me or just won t express something they don t like of me in the fear that i m new i m socially awkward and many other thing about the job and conversation of the day echo loud in my head in repeat and i just can t think of anything else i scroll through the gram for distraction or read through my astrology happening for the day i don t know how to relax or quiet my mind so many thing bothering me at once,1
yeah so i got an job interview tomorrow and im pretty anxious about it ha anyone got some advice on how to prepare for it it should be good tho it just that im not sure if i will like it and im afraid to have no small talk topic with the employer yk that it gon na be awkward and shit,1
i barely function and can t do basic thing due to how bad my anxiety is can get i berate and criticize myself for being such a pathetic worthless piece of shit i m almost live with my parent and have accomplished nothing i never passed the high school ged i have some minor learning difficulty but too embarrassed to get help i suffer from depression but i don t feel comfortable seeing a therapist and where i live there are few health care resource i don t own a driver license because being in and near car cause me to have panic attack i m terrified of being in a car accident or causing one so i have to avoid it and there isn t public transport near me but even if there wa i can t handle being around a crowd or in a small group in a limited space i m just a fucking wreck and feel so awkward and abnormal compared to most of the world i have no friend irl only a few online friend and haven t been completely honest with them and sometimes lie so they don t see how fucking pathetic i am i m ashamed of my existence and wish i wa never born i m just a burden the people around me don t understand and get frustrated with me i don t want to be this way but whenever i go out an inch from my comfort zone i have an anxiety attack,1
hi with my anxiety the grocery store ha been a tough place for me i ve managed by going at off peak time so there aren t a many people around dressing in layer in case i get too hot and wearing headphone or ear plug to block out noise my last issue is the fluorescent light they bother me a lot any tip besides wearing sunglass indoors when the sun isn t out and having people stare at me lol,1
i m not sure where to even post this but i m hoping someone who read this can relate for the past month everything feel wrong or off but there is objectively nothing wrong i started a new long awaited and anticipated job and quit my horribly toxic previous work place this wa the moment i had fantasized about for the last few year but ever since then i can t seem to feel ok everything feel chaotic and out of place but nothing else ha changed i am on a good routine but i still feel out of control again absolutely nothing is out of control in fact looking from the outside in my family is in one of the best stage of life we have been in why can t i seem to feel at home or grounded i feel a constant longing for something but i have no clue what it is i can t come up with a solution to this feeling because when i think about it logically i can t find anything to fix i just can t feel ok,1
i m almost and ever since i graduated i have been lost i didn t even look at college university my parent enrolled me in admin and i got the cert two then dropped out two time cert and then a spent a year and a half at makeup school which i regret because i still can t find a job out of it i do want to start my own freelance business but it hasn t happened yet lol then at i actually pursued a hairdresser apprenticeship which i ve wanted to do for a while i ignored all those telling me it s a sht job no money what ended up happening wa working at two different salon and causing nothing but chaos to their business the first salon got rid of me after three month after repeatedly getting people wet and failing to follow instruction the way she let me off made me cry on the way home like it break my heart whenever i have to remove someone passionate about hair but today will be your last day the thing is i lied that i wa passionate about hair when really i really am not then i found a job at a salon closer to home everyone there wa a lot older than me and i found it hard to talk to them but they were understanding and very kind they wanted me to quit my waitress job to focus on my career this salon wa a lot smaller and easier than the other one whole place made up of just four chair i worked there for four month caused abit of chaos bleach dye got on customer at some point failing to follow instruction when super busy fast paced on one tragic friday they sat me down and told me some sad serious thing they said they were dissapointed for one there were a few complaint from customer i wa still getting water in someone s eye and forehead too harsh with the wash brushing that same customer ear then they told me someone had been secretly asking for someone else to wash their hair and apparently i haven t been paying attention or focusing or using my common sense and that i need to speak up that night i started to get paranoid that i wa add or had a learning disability im pretty sure i do all over again or even a lack of common sense to my mum the answer is always you don t help out at home so that s why you can t do anything at work start from home first despite all that my boss still gave me a chance and told me they still agreed to let me stat my cert in hairdressing even though i m five week behind and told me to practise washing hair instead of root colour i wa holding back tear the entire meeting right after leaving i had another mental breakdown on the way home my parent were going to leave for a birthday but then cancelled and were concerned i made an instant decision that it wasn t for me and ended up quitting over text then not going to work the next day or going to first day of tafe class the apprenticeship is supposed to be year five day in a salon and once a week in tafe a few day later they called me to come pick up my pay because they decided to under pay me and in cash until i officially started my apprenticeship they were softer this time and asked if it wa any issue with the staff or even them and i denied it all the guy told me he thought i would have come back after the talk and pulled through you know like improve fought they made me feel guilty and want to ask for a second chance to still work for them and pursue the apprenticeship my mum reminded me that i know myself if i stayed they would end up sacking me anyways my mum think it s better to quit before getting fired and getting a bad reputation it s not good for me or their business it s kind of embarassing so yeah there s my experience on trying to become a hairdresser unfortunately for me i do have a case of social anxiety and it s hard for me to speak up i also get a bit grossed out about touching an old guy hair since my first hair salon job i have cringed watching my bos fake laughing to customer how fake you have to be a well ughhh it s not for me is it now i m thinking about going back to studying admin to get an office job while waitressing on the side or i wouldn t mind being a waitress for the rest of my life just some more irrelevant rambling you don t have to read the last thing i want is to end up a factory worker like my dad which everyone in my family seems to look down on my younger bro went to uni right after high school and work towards becoming an it or something i have always been the dumb rebel sibling lol simpson s bart and lisa balance right there it s fine i ll just be the dumb pretty one like the haley character out of modern family except i m not a party girl or ever been in a relationship might a well get a boyfriend for once anytime soon each year that s passed since finishing school in 0 ha consisted of cry in my room over being a failure the first year i started to have withdrawal symptom from being let off antidepressant on the bright side unlike the other sad year i actually have a job before that it wa so hard to even land an interview i have two hospitality related job,1
i had an alternative account where i post in subreddits related to video game i like asking for strategy i guess i did that too often without noticing anyway i got an anonymous reddit care resource message and i already got the feeling i wa targeted by troll or hater i have another alternative reddit account where i post in a controversial sub and i get reddit care resource message basically every other week lol i should have deactivated my account but i didn t anyway a while later someone sent me a message on reddit calling me a c t who should f off a i spam the sub in a brainless manner and ask about everything about the game so i m a loser who is too annoying without the asterisk i couldn t see who sent me that message a that person immediately deleted his or her account anyway this made me uncomfortable that person used really strong language and i don t think calling me a c t wa justified i guess i should be smart enough to deactivate my reddit account a soon a a i got a reddit care message ironically i never got such a message even though i posted in mental health sub numerous time with a lot of alternative account or just turn off private message didn t see the need to do so a i never thought i would get such a message by posting on such a sub it s not like i wa posting anything controversial did i do the right thing deactivating that alternative account i don t think there wa a way i could win that argument so i guess the best thing to do wa just to vanish from the sub another thing is i m worried that the hater or hater will find this thread and know it s me or maybe people from that sub will notice how i m gone and will find this thread or maybe the developer can guess who i am a in which gaming account that alternative reddit account is linked to based on the video game info i described a in which stage i got stuck in how much game money i had stocked up etc am i being paranoid,1
been noticing i ve been doing a lot of pacing back and forth lately been trying to think of way to make extra cash and such after being let go from my job now i m starting to think what if i have adhd or is it just anxiety do you guy pace back and forth sometimes when thinking,1
i m am worried about potentially developing schizophrenia eventually my sister 0 is suffering from this disease right now of my mom aunt also had it my parent did not have it they both passed away and year ago i know the onset of symptom typically occurs in the 0 for male i smoked weed very often almost daily when i wa in a smoking mode but i also took a few tolerance break anywhere from month the past year but recently i decided to stop i also tripped on lsd 9 time within one year but the last trip i had wa almost year ago i know lsd weed and stressful situation can trigger dormant mental illness in people but i am wondering if schizophrenia would already have been triggered and active in me given my history i didn t know i had a family history of the disease until about year ago so please don t shame me for my ignorance i also just found out there wa a link between weed and schizophrenia in the past year and thankfully i have conquered my battle with weed even though it took some time do you think my previous drug usage will come back to haunt me if someone could provide some number for what my odds look like that would be nice a far a i can tell i am not in a prodromal phase but after leaving the weed behind i am worrying myself a lot thinking about all this thanks for any input,1
yesterday i wa in a negative thought spiral and my heart rate wa super high and i got really angry at myself and my thought and how much i don t like myself so much so that i wanted to punch a wall or throw something really hard i ve always had anxiety but it s never turned into anger before is this normal,1
i m on a very low dose of lexapro a i m trying to taper off my anxiety isn t cured but i do feel like it help to talk me out of panic pretty easily last night at am i got a sharp pain in my head and felt very weird for a couple second i immediately went into full blown panic and woke up today very spacey like i m dissociating ha this happened to anyone how do you snap out of it i literally thought i wa having a stroke but checked my bp and o and all wa well i used to be really bad with checking my vitals but i never use them anymore i also have herniated disc in my neck so i m not sure if that wa the cause or some freak incident,1
i m a volunteer coach at the h i went to the pst year here i ve seen a lot of thing i didn t like like how the head coach ran it and it felt very low effort and try to avoid problem and a large lack of discipline i tried for year and nothing ha changed and this off season ha been low number since march and my position group fell apart to some transfer and kid not taking the leadership of those transfer i tried but it ha stressed me out and i ve been fixated the last few month on leaving just because of how poorly ran it wa i feel guilty and anxious to spring it on the coach and team but i can t keep hurting myself especially if i have more interest and care than the player and some coach everyone that know the program ha been telling me to get out it s not a bad decision in my eye to leave i just feel crappy about doing it and super anxious after i wa done any advice on coping in these scenario i take a ssri but these scenario it doesn t matter for me i ll get worked up no matter what i really hate the guilt part because i know it s the best choice for myself in both coaching career and just mental health in general,1
i remember back in high school senior year my anxiety wa at it absolute worst it wa difficult for me to make friend so i came home and lost myself in video game to try and forget about how difficult it wa for me to talk to people i had to attend school the next day so i needed some way to cope w the anxiety i d play video game all day and do my work last second i graduated then i took extra time off before heading to college even though i didnt attend h anymore i still had anxiety of having to talk to people when eventually going to college i had issue of self worth i continued to play my video game day in and day out it wa excessive and my family occasionally had outburst theyd say thing like what are you a baby you still like video game grow up keep playing those video game you re never going to amount to anything you re so lazy what s your problem i ve grown out of that phase and my anxiety is more manageable nowadays but looking back i d like to make a point if you know some that is incredibly lazy it may not be by choice their head can feel like a complete mess and they may feel like the only way to cope is by zoning out a much a possible just being alone in a room w my thought made my heart race like crazy and excessive sweating ensued some people just wouldnt understand until it happens to them perhaps some of you do though,1
i went to the doctor for the first time in my life for my severe anxiety and a the title say this is what he prescribed me and also zoloft mg i m fine taking the zoloft probably need it but i just don t know how comfortable i am taking the metoprol just from what i ve read and people s experience on it and trying to get off of it my heart rate really go up in the shower and most thing i do but here lately i ve barely gotten out of bed for the past week and a half cause i m just so scared of having a heart attack i m it get so bad in the shower that i become dizzy and nauseous and usually have to lay down for a bit after one i think it all ha to do with my mental health and i just don t see the point of taking the risk of all that horrible stuff i ve heard about metoprol plus on top of it now that i know all those side effect and stuff like that they will never leave me head i just feel trapped and idk what to do trapped by my own mind and body im not sure if i m just horribly out of shape i barely move except for going to grocery store or doing the dish or laundry besides that i m on my bum on youtube or netflix ect so will just trying to move more and get past that heart attack fear be more beneficial than taking the metoprol or should i trust my doctor and take it for week until my next appointment i just don t know what to do any advice would be greatly appreciated,1
i ve been dealing with multiple health issue currently having bad pain in my broken tooth my dentist checked it out last week and said it just need pulled and put me on antibiotic have an appointment to get it pulled this weekend but it look so infected im worrying of course about it causing death because im in pain i really feel like making another appointment to check it again but they don t seemed worried at all i just want to cuddle next to my bf or mom or dad but the anxiety always happens at night and no one want to wake up and help comfort me,1
hi all i ve got a script for clonidine for my anxiety and i am curious if anyone here ha any experience with it good or bad thanks in advance,1
i would know if i had a brain damage injury anyersum or my brain is bleeding in the past like month ago my ex boyfriend would punch me in the head pull my hair one time he punched me really hard i had a bump and a extreme headache for day it went away i never went to get it checked because it went away something would have happened by then right if i wa bleeding or had something going on from then on i been stressed and i have headache everyday mainly at a certain time i been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder i just need reassurance im okay right i wa playing a game on my phone all of a sudden my head started feeling really tight and weird anyways the point is is the stress causing it he used to hit my head alot the last time wa like month ago but before that too other than the concussion i felt fine would i have blacked out if it wa bad enough to do damage i never did i been fine but i started having headache reccently maybe stress im fine right plz give me reasssurace answer this i would know if i had a brain bleed how long after a accident can ur brain bleed,1
hi everyone this all started back in college i wa doing lot of drug molly cocaine acid molly and wa doing badly at uni after my dad put the fear of god into me i started taking school a lot more seriously and drastically slowed down my drug intake not long after i started developing horrible physical anxiety at night i would get into bed feel fine but just couldn t flip the switch to fall asleep i would lay there for an hour or so and then my heart would start to race shortness of breath then all of a sudden i would have an intense chest burning sensation that would last hour i felt dead in the morning but by 9am or 0am i would get a surge in energy i wa jacked up and sweating a lot i would do well in school because my mind wa going a 00 mph but after several week of this i started feeling exhausted and would even hallucinate during the day i could only do school work at night i wa too brain dead to pay attention in class this went on for a couple of year before i went to the doctor and wa prescribed lexapro generic the first few week were really bad but then i felt amazing however i had bad sexual side affect and it changed my personality i felt dead inside after three year on this i went on to venlafaxine it gave me a stupid amount of energy sweated profusely and peed a often a before i lasted one year on this then i switched over to zoloft generic i started on 0mg but i felt brain dead and again had sexual side affect so i lowered the dose to mg the sexual side affect decreased but it still wasn t great i also still felt a little out of it so i lowered it to mg during covid lockdown i wa working from home all of the time i didn t have a bad time falling asleep on this but i didn t feel good the next day either tired brain fog easily irritable but it wa better than physical anxiety at midnight when we were told we had to go back into the office the anxiety at night came back not horrible physical anxiety but more like normal anxiety and insomnia i lasted a few month on this and just couldn t take it anymore so i started smoking weed unfortunately i have always been super sensitive to weed i would get euphoria from one or two hit this helped me sleep but i wa still tired and irritable the next day a i continued smoking i would need more and more to get that euphoric feeling to put me to sleep then thing turned south quickly i wa becoming very irritable and would lash out at family and coworkers nearly everyday i would calm down then apologize after a few week of this my dad said i needed to see my doctor i wa put on wellbutrin and had the worst day of my life i totally lost it extreme mood swing nerve pain and claustrophobia i got off that and am recovering this week from it i took benadryl sunday night and monday night to sleep last night i took nothing and had the worst physical anxiety since college i did the right thing though i turned off the tv early and did some meditation and felt good going to bed but just like in college i had radiating anxiety two hour in i slept maybe hour and woke up jacked sweating a bunch and mind racing i don t know if i need different medication or therapy or both ha anyone dealt with what i m experiencing did a certain type of medication help did you need therapy too thanks for sharing,1
so today i had a public presentation in school which is my worst nightmare i got really sweaty shaky and at the end i felt like i wa having a seizure everyone eventually notice and the teacher finally stop the presentation and i had to sit down to not pas out on the spot i have almost fainted during presentation before however not at this level this wa hour ago and i ve felt so freaking exhausted since it happening and i m so embarrassed i am taking medication for anxiety and depression,1
ok so last week on wednesday i had to go to hospital because i got appendicitis then the next day i wa bleeding internally so basically had surgery x i am currently still in hospital and it been about a week exactly today however i started getting very severe anxiety and have reached out to my nurse and everything to take med but they domt seem work i even tried mindfulness youtube breathing yet nothing seems to be working for me my thought pattern is like your not gon na get outta the hospital alive your gon na die shit like that with my thought racing and it been going like this all day and i can t seem to stop it just my thought taking control of me and i feel like shit because of this anxiety like i never had this bad anxiety before also im still stuck in this hospital until im released maybe this week can someone please let me know how to deal with this i feel like i cant take it anymore and it getting to me,1
hello everyone new to the sub here i would like to receive your insight about my recent discovery about myself tw self h so i used to do this when i wa and it mostly because i have severe anxiety and i need a coping mechanism ive stopped and have been cleaned for year since today i had a fight with my entire family about not respecting my boundary and not coming into my room when im literally shirtless and they make fun of me for being too serious about it theyre good people and have never touched me inappropriately so i too wa puzzled about my sudden anxiety attack so i locked myself in a room sobbing to no one and i felt so much pain and i just want the rush to come but then i saw a resistance band and literally did a thousand bicep curl and u know how it burn when someone exercise the first time i couldnt feel my hand i guess the endorphin made me feel so much better i forgot about wanting to do that bad thing i feel so much better and i wanted to know if i could do a thousand bicep curl at the risk of injuring my hand to avoid doing what i used to do,1
so my husband i are planning to get a dog in may and we ll need an esa letter for our apartment in chicago i do have anxiety and have seen a psychiatrist and therapist but not anymore due to scheduling conflict my next appointment with my pcp is in june earliest available appointment and i m not even sure she can write an esa letter what s the best way to proceed there s so many different website for obtaining a letter but i don t know who to trust any help is much appreciated,1
getting real sick of constant wave of anxiety heart palpitation tremor intrusive thought and anxiety attack it s been three damn day since my random panic attack i get it body fight or flight wooooo now knock it the fuck off,1
i struggle with boundary i either come across a defensive or a complete push over and people pleaser and both of these behaviour come from a place of fear and anxiety i always have self doubt and in conflict with others i straight away believe i have done something wrong and it s not until later i realise i haven t i feel my anxiety wa life long but worsened by an abusive relationship in which i lost any sense of self or autonomy how have you worked through your anxiety to come to a place of self compassion self esteem and healthy boundary i feel unable to find the balance thanks so much in advance,1
i recently got caught at my school with a very small amount of weed my dad ha a number of reason to be worried about this he work in an environment where addict are he ha went to rehab for alcohol in last year ha had sister die of overdose etc he ha not gone to work for day in a row now and he tell me it s because of anxiety whenever i ask him what s on his mind he just say idk and that i can t do anything to help him now mind you i haven t spoken a single word to him about the incident stated at the start even though he is well informed of it every morning around the same time i hear him vomiting i don t have much experience with alcohol so i can t judge too quickly here and i understand i m probably not leaving enough info for anyone else to fully decide too whether this could be anxiety or something else just what should i do in a situation like this ha anyone had any experience with vomiting around the same time due to anxiety,1
preface im f and currently in community college so i have gad undiagnosed but pretty obvious and i feel like im inexperienced in working and doing thing on my own in real life and most of it stem from social anxiety i heard alot of people from tiktok who say that their social anxiety got better once they started working retail or fast food because they were forced to talk to other people on a regular basis so my question is did getting a part time job help with your social anxiety,1
long story short someone made fun of someone s stutter in front of me cause they weren t aware i have a stutter it s mostly related to anxiety after that i kept asking myself how do i know who i can trust and in that time i told myself i felt crazy for thinking this way i told myself everybody can be made fun of for different aspect of their life and most people won t even bat an eye i wa going about my day until someone on my post said they thought this way and it led them to be paranoid and go psychotic this is my biggest fear and after reading that i almost had a panic attack and it took me 0 0 minute to calm down ever since then i can t shake this thought i realized tho the reason i think everyone care i stutter is because i m looking through my perspective not theirs i realized i wa treating my stutter a my identity and not an aspect of me if someone make a lighthearted joke about it depending on how they say it it could just be a joke and not devaluing me a a person realizing this actually make me feel like a huge weight ha been lifted off of myself but it freak me out cause i also heard before people lose touch with reality they feel great but now that i found a way out of this thought that ocd ha attached itself to it s still going over scenario that never even happened or will happen going over certain people and i m asking myself would they make fun of your stutter in this scenario i m afraid it s because i m paranoid but i think it s cause ocd is trying to keep a grip on this fear it s le of a fear people are making fun of me now and more of a fear of believing they re making fun of me doe this mean i m going crazy since the original thought didn t start a an ocd obsession,1
usually every day is a battle but today especially it feel like i m going to explode i know i will get through it but i know it ll also be painful i m already tired and just woke up ugh,1
hey recently i realised that i ve been having one problem for a couple of year but i wasn t able to identify and name it until now so basically when i talk to someone directly i have no problem in holding eye contact it just feel natural no anxiety at all no matter if it s someone i know or some stranger however i m facing lot of situation when i feel unable to look around like in library where i literally feel some kind of mental block to look at someone sitting beside me or someone passing by sometimes i experience that also in public transport or at the gym i usually try to combat that feeling by looking there anyway but it just feel even more uncomfortable and i feel that this discomfort make me look like some sort of creep how do you even approach such problem,1
for context i m an english teacher at a small private english school the school is so small i m the only teacher no sub i got my period last night and a always the first day is the worst cramp headache nausea needing the loo every minute and i feel so freaking cold today no matter what i do i just can t seem to get warm so i cancelled my two afternoon lesson and asked the receptionist to deal with a meeting with a potential client herself i mean that s pretty much her job anyway but i feel so guilty for cancelling the class the nausea got worse a soon a i sent the text to my bos i feel bad that i have to cancel two class in one day especially since i had a week holiday the week before last maybe the student are losing too much lesson time this year my class today were from to 0 and then to but i don t go home in the gap between meaning i d have to sit at my desk with nothing comfy or warm for hour all while feeling really crappy idk just looking for someone to tell me it ok to take a sick day if i need it and tell the anxiety voice to shut the heck up edit thank you so much to everyone who commented and got me through the day i went to bed feeling better emotionally and physically than when i got up today is a new day,1
i m so scared of being rejected i never talk to them because i m so scared my heart start racing and i don t know what to do about it,1
everytime i think of any sort of injury or blood i feel so faint and almost puke how can i stop this feeling and calm myself down doe anyone else get this no graphic story please,1
we are doing free personalised moon reading comment me if you re interested,1
my gf had a tough period when she wa a teenager family loss and doctor put her on abilify to treat her today after year she is thinking about stopping it she really want to but every doctor she see are really not helping her in the right direction two of them told her to reduce slightly to avoid eye side effect but no more otherwise she feel ok she even stopped for almost a month whitout seeing any difference what s your experience about this thanks for help,1
i just need help man im quite a confident intelligent guy id say good looking and everything but the past year my anxiety is eating me alive might think what i say is weird but good luck i can do stuff but everything i do my body responds with anxiety i feel confident then my body stop me from being happy it like i need to be stressed all the time especially when im not alone anxiety make me tense up sweat panic oily face i feel dirty even thought i keep a real good hygiene just like that from just simply waiting in line at the store or just waiting in front of someone doing something during car ride i just instantly become awkward a duck i talk and everything cool but my body just feel tense a duck and it drain all my energy my face becomes oily because im stressing about my face becoming oily and im gon na panic and look sweaty i look and feel really uncomfortable just from being in front of someone for a minute on the sidewalk i feel like everyone looking at me how annoying i am and disgusting and i think i stand out from a normal person it just horrible people said im overthinking it and others dont really notice anything but i think they do idk im so lost,1
weird feeling hi all i m on my th day is buspirone and i m doing really well though when i go to bed it s tough to sleep with this medicine when i fall asleep i m okay but trying too it make me feel like i jolt internally or like when you go over a hill or a rollercoaster and your belly drop and it doe it a lot until i fall asleep i don t know how else to explain it and my doctor this morning didn t seem to concerned i hope it stop soon wondering if anyone can relate,1
i wa on 0 mg of hydroxyzine and i felt like it just wasn t doing anything so my doctor switched me today,1
i ve never been one to feel anxious or thought of having anxiety even during difficult time however this past week i ve been struggling so much and realized i m suffering from anxiety long story short i met someone about month ago i knew in the first date just that gut feeling she s the one it wa great perfect everything i wanted but not long after she unfortunately suffered great trauma with the loss of her best friend her sister in the beginning it wa manageable and i think it it wa mainly due to her denial she lost her sister eventually the grief settled in and now the true challenge arose for her anxiety yr prior she lost her cousin and still had not gotten over it now after losing loved one she had the fear of losing me created turmoil between u jealousy trust issue it created anger in me i felt like a monster she wanted me to be understanding and working with her where i wa foolish and expected her to get rid of it that is my biggest regret thing got worse for u add the fact covid put a huge mental strain on u i also lost a family member during that time that wa dear to me and the stress of still trying to accept a different work culture a i changed from being out and about in the field 0hrs a week to stuck at a desk working from home this created a ton of anger and frustration in me this wa also part of our downfall a few month back i stepped away from our relationship her fear of losing me and constantly keeping me on her mind prevented her from working on herself i knew she would not heal and work on herself so long a i wa around i felt that wa the best decision i lied to her i told her i didn t love her anymore i wa trying to protect her my second biggest regret two week ago i reached out to her after working hard on my personal self to remove my anger do better for myself with my eating better working out but i also made plan a plan to ensure everything that went wrong would never happen again i knew she wa still my soul mate i knew she wa still the love of my life i knew she wa still my bae we had coffee chatted i told her i wanted her back in my life and had a plan and would do whatever it took to get her back she told me we would get back together but she needed time she wa in conflict and fear of losing me again fear of her anxiety being an issue for u again and her just being her old self i respected that and told her i would do anything for her i told her i d wait week later after a week of confusion emotion uncertainty her feeling changed she knew she loved me still and care deeply but that fear of what happened in the past and her uncertainty in her own well being made her change her mind and she had guilt telling me we would when she is uncertain we could ever get back together i suffer of fear of losing her i suffer of regret of everything i wish i did differently i fear she may hurt even more if we don t try and she end up having regret i know we weren t working a a team i know we needed to collaborate more but i know i gave her so many change a she kept begging me please give me one more chance i just now have to live with fear regret and wish she would just give me chance we promised to stay in touch very limited maybe call a week she still care for me and still want me in her life but she need to focus on her i will wait for her she know it even though i know i ll continue to suffer with that fear and regret but right now she is hurting right now she is in pain so right now the best thing for me to do no matter how hard it is is to be the best support person for her it s what she need and i ll do anything for her,1
the worst part of anxiety and panic attack for me is the sense of impending doom it s the worst feeling in the world it s like your body trying to make you feel bad about your hypothetical death i can t sleep because i feel like i m living through my last minute on earth even though i know it s probably not the case not gon na lie not fun,1
backstory i ve been diagnosed with panic disorder gad since a young child spent the past year on zoloft at time a high a 00mg a day year ago i wa put on buspirone with the zoloft and it changed my life i ve been stable up until this past year my health anxiety got wayyy out of control and i ve been diagnosing myself with terminal illness all year did therapy and actually enjoyed it for the first time in my life and got off zoloft and switched to 0mg celexa combined with mg buspirone in the am and 0mg at night graduated my therapy and finally felt almost normal then i got covid felt like shit but made it through flash forward to a month later and i developed costochondritis rib cartilage muscle inflammation that i thought wa breast cancer sent me f n spiraling since then i ve had shortness of breath constantly and heart palpitation went to the dr and so far everything is fine waiting on heart holter result and everything chalked up a anxiety i ve had multiple full blown panic attack the past few week and wa at my wit end saw my psych and i went up to 0mg celexa here come my actual issue i accidentally read about serotonin syndrome and how celexa and buspirone should never be given together i brought it up to my psych and she wa not worried but it s been day now and i feel kind of off granted i ve felt off for month now and i m so scared of experiencing it and not realizing it anyone on similar combination that can ease my mind tldr worried about serotonin syndrome after reading about not mixing celexa and buspirone major health anxiety,1
hi i hope this is the right place for this i have been suffering with anxiety for a while the last month or so have been particularly bad which is affecting my work my relationship with my family snappy extremely irritable tired no focus i reached out to my doctor last week after a particularly bad episode at a work event who ha prescribed sertraline and advised a course of cbt no one else know this and i am anxious about telling my wife which in turn is pushing my anxiety up further i wondered if anyone else ha been in the same situation how did you approach it every time i feel like it should be the time to say something i completely lose my bottle,1
low dose naltrexone ha been shown to increase endorphin level by up to 00 so it can be extremely effective in helping people whose anxiety depression is caused by endorphin deficiency according to a study by renowned researcher norman brown and jaak panskepp since ldn can upregulate endogenous opioid activity it may also have a role in promoting stress resilience emotional well being a well a amelioration of psychiatric problem such a depression it is proposed that ldn can be used effectively a a buffer for a large variety of bodily and mental ailment through it ability to beneficially modulate both the immune system and the brain neurochemistry s that regulate positive affect full text can be found here http vdocuments net ldn for disease prevention quality of life html,1
hello all i ve been putting off getting my wisdom teeth out for year but i finally mustered up the courage to get a consult with an oral surgeon long story short i m getting one fully erupted tooth extracted with only local anesthesia i opted for this because the idea of being put under make me more anxious than the extraction itself he said because it s erupted he should be able to get it out within five minute ha anybody who ha undergone a similar situation shed some light on whether it s a simple painless quick a the doc led me to believe,1
and sprint a far away from myself a possible i want to slam my body into the ground and dissimilate into the million of spec of dirt i am on fire from the inside out i can not escape my anxiety and depression medicine doesn t help therapy doesn t help my default is wanting desperately to do the thing i want in life go to class amp be the student i know i can be continue the job i wa just hired on for but being absolutely paralyzed by fear no source recognizable just a constant mind numbing fear completely debilitating my every waking second the idea of being in class or anywhere away from complete solitude elicits physical response my muscle flex involuntarily my inner dialogue struggle to complete sentence no one understands this isn t my choice,1
i m renting a room from a guy that i know from aa i heard from others that he s very odd and clean some even told me not to rent from him but the area i m in is in a housing crisis right now and i needed a place to land we ve had a lot of spat over very minor thing but he blow them up to a huge proportion one thing that i did that wa really bad wa i accidentally left my space heater on while i wa at work i realize that s dangerous and costly but i offered to pay the entire month s electricity which he refused and promised that it would never happen again recently i think he went through my drawer but i can t prove it he got really pissed off that i had a set of silverware in my room and gave me 0 day notice to leave it got pretty heated and i said that i need to contact a lawyer because the thing he s threatening to kick me out over are very minor and are basically personality thing he doesn t like i sleep in too late on my day off he ll go through the trash and confront me about thing he think i shouldn t be eating i sleep with my tv on etc we agreed on a move out date of june 0th but the heat in the house is not dying down i feel very unsafe living here just because i don t know the next thing he s going to blow up over i m also moving to a new city in june and i know that he s not going to give me a good review especially after threatening a lawyer this is a verbal agreement and i pay month to month so i know some apartment don t count that a a real tenant history lease though essentially it s like living with a friend for a couple of month i m so stressed out this is on top of me finishing my ph d and the pressure is insane i ve told my friend more thing that have gone on here and they agree that this guy is ludicrous and unwell what should i do am i truly in the wrong and i m that bad of a roommate i keep the house very clean including the room that i pay for i m serious that i think he go through my stuff,1
i am not happy that i am still not better i have tried everything from working out meditating cutting off toxic people exercise being open and expressing myself truly i only noticed that it s getting worst and i have realized for the past few month that i am having bad side effect from my meditation and my doctor didn t even wanted to let me cut of meditation and even lower my dosage but thank goodness he lowered it cause i wa pissed he is also the one that outed me to my father and my aunt his sister then to my mom that i wa gay and he is my nd doctor btw cause my first one wa also dumb and didn t understand my problem i am so tired of this feeling you know a feeling that you don t wan na do stuff but just lay down and wan na cry also a feeling that you don t wan na do stuff or even eat this feeling ha been with me since 0 9 now and even though i tried to be better it just becomes worst and complicated i am running out of idea on becoming better atp thank you for reading this keep safe and take care,1
i wa strongly recommended by my therapist to return to a physical hobby for my mental health and did so to great positive effect i have severe anxiety and depression and this hobby help about a much a medication or talk therapy doe and both of those work decently well for me i need all three at this point it make me do better at work all week and help prevent long slump of mental health issue if i miss a session it affect me for day currently i do this three time a week and day a week is during normal working hour i either return to work after or make up the work other day of the week i have a very flexible schedule am exempt and have been at this job for over 9 year it s after most of team i manage is offline for the day but plenty of my other colleague are still online and would theoretically want to have meeting my office ha no issue with thing like a standing actual medical appointment including therapy the problem is it look like a fun thing and it is a fun thing it s just also essential for me continuing to function a a person and an employee for reference before i started this i wa considering taking intermittent fmla instead which i ve had to do in the past and now that s unlikely any tip for talking about it a recurring appointment is how i ve framed it to people and i do reschedule if it is in conflict with something essential my new manager just asked to see the detail of my calendar my previous manager did not and now i m feeling anxious about what it s titled and how to describe it honestly i m now feeling anxious about everything i ve put on my schedule that help me work better and is within office policy allowance but is atypical like 0 minute early afternoon break that i block off a tentative because i often turn into a non functional blob for a bit around pm,1
tw vaccine i got my booster yesterday and this is by far the worst i ve felt first dose i wa 00 fine second dose i had a super sore arm for hour but my booster is pfizer we had moderna for the first my body is just aching but we were warned of myocarditis of course a we re in our late 0 s and ofcourse my brain is fixed on i m going to get it i m so stressed every little pain i m like this is it this is gon na get me,1
hi friend i stopped using weed and caffeine and day ago respectively and i ve seen my anxiety increase exponentially obviously i used both to kinda suppress my normal anxiety but now i m going au natural and a you can tell it s not going ideally but i m happy to have made the choice i did i have felt a weird knot sensation in the right upper side of my abdomen feel like it s right under my rib cage and occasional pain throughout my digestive system i ve been constipated for about day too i know so much info and while i m able to still go i still feel a discomfort in my side like someone took a five pound weight and just placed it on the side of me is this normal with anxiety i haven t started any antidepressant i ve been prescribed because i want to see how naturally i can do this but my mind is telling me withdrawal and to just be patient but i don t want to be too patient in case it s something that i should have a doctor check out thought,1
anyone else experience an absurd amount of gas constantly burping discomfort in stomach and chest,1
trigger warning racism do you know these situation where you react insecure and passive although you feel extremely uncomfortable year ago i wa out with a group of people one wa a friend of mine and a few of them were more or le acquaintance so there wa this guy who got drunk and he started making black joke i am mixed race half german and half afro american he became really offensive and insulting he said stuff like oh i m going to say it in your language and then he did those click sound which are common in african khoisan language he wa trying to act like oh i m just joking don t take me serious but he wouldn t stop i felt so uncomfortable and i wa really angry but i wa also insecure i wa giggling nervously and just wanted to change the topic but he kept making stupid joke about me in the end i paid my drink and went home but i acted like everything wa fine it s been year and i can t stop thinking about it i keep overthinking of how i should have reacted and i feel so ashamed of myself whenever i remember this situation tbh what disappointed me the most wa that nobody really said anything someone at the table just said oh just ignore him he s an idiot and they laughed a few day later someone told me that everyone felt really uncomfortable yet no one said anything i feel like it s difficult for me to let this go and it took me a almost year to realize how bad this situation actually wa maybe someone can relate or made a similar experience,1
i have trouble falling asleep i need something to regulate my sleep cycle back in the day i took zopiclone which wa good at putting me to sleep but early awakening were somewhat annoying i would like to hear the experience of people who have taken zopiclone and other z drug amp benzodiazepine how did they compare which do you like the most,1
like the title say i m doing bad at work i work a a claim adjuster for a big insurance company and i m really bad at it the job requires a tremendous amount of organization and i just simply do not have those skill it s my first big job out of college and i m failing it embarrassing and it s crushing my confidence i constantly worry about my job security being this anxious all the time is making me run out of steam quickly i find it hard to even force myself to look for another job bc of the little free time i get and how tired i am at the end of the day i feel like a burden to my parent and girlfriend because i constantly vent break down to them i did start seeing a therapist recently and he s helped but it feel like it build up a lot until i get to talk it out with him what trigged me to write this today is i made another fuck up at work and had to tell my bos she s extremely nice but had to be honest with me that my performance could result in corrective action i know that doesn t mean termination exactly but that is definitely on the table i have so many case and i just know there s at least a couple more fuck ups in there that i haven t found yet i feel like it s inevitable that i get let go and i m just not prepared to deal with the embarrassment of it it s eating at me,1
pls answerrr,1
i have severe cardiophobia due to two traumatic week of my life i suffer from hyperthyroidism which cause intense palpitation and very high rhr the first bout happened back in 0 and my rhr wa in the 0 0 got put on an anti thyroid med a beta blocker metoprolol er mg and potassium helped out tremendously and i ll be honest wa never anxious until this second round in july august of 0 9 i made the stupid as mistake of stopping all of my medication because i wa feeling good again well wouldn t ya know it come february 0 0 my thyroid went hyperactive again and the difference is this time i have crippling anxiety a well a crippling cardiophobia it got to the point that i went to my cardiologist had a panic attack and during the ekg my pulse wa 0 so now i m on metoprolol er mg x a day and my thyroid ha improved at least since the last time my level got checked so now i m on mg of methimazole instead of the mg i wa on the first round of treatment fast forward to now and all i have to say is the last couple day a well a today ha been quite the day so far i m currently at my girlfriend s house and wanted to go home since yesterday i wa too lightheaded to drive and it would ve been a horrible decision to risk it well we re getting ready to leave and a soon a i stand up the ol kicker decides to kick it into high gear and my pulse went from the 0 90 which i know is quite high but wa already a bit anxious beforehand and decided i needed to be up in the 0 0 for the fuck of it needle to say i feel the comedown of all the anxiety and man doe it suck hoping i get to be back home today so i can have the peace of mind that i won t have to leave to go anywhere for a bit p s my girlfriend and i live minute apart i would ve for sure chanced driving if we lived closer but that s a long as time in a car when you feel like you re just gon na drop at any given moment,1
so i won t bore you with all the detail but basically my life wa going so well in 0 9 finally i wa in college had friend wa finally starting to date wa genuinely enjoying life for the first time in my life then of course a once in a century event happens that destroys everything and i had to do remote work for straight year suffered through it graduated and now i got a somewhat mediocre sale job making 0k a year my life ha never returned to the way it wa my social life wa destroyed i m a year old guy and have never been in a relationship i wa a late bloomer and wa just starting to date in college and work is such a grind i really dislike it i have goal but i don t even know where to start to top it all off ever since the pandemic i have severe insomnia and always wake up at am randomly and have to take melatonin to sleep anyone else relate to this,1
hi everyone i fly home from calgary to vancouver on sunday it s about an hour flight i suffer from gad and am constantly fearing the worst i have minor asthma i ve never had an asthma attack but i do have a rescue inhaler and i do take a maintenance inhaler everyday to prevent anything from happening i read somewhere that there s le oxygen in flight and am worried about what would happen if i had an asthma attack would i be ok would i be able to survive that hour flight please re assure me,1
i wa suffering from walking up in the morning in absolute terror not long after starting this that ha subsided but now when i take this when i go to bed if i don t fall asleep within 0 min i get racing thought and confusion and none of the thought make any sense a in they are not logical doe anyone else have these issue trying to figure out if it s the drug or me,1
the last time i checked my weight wa around week ago and it wa around kg 9 lb my anxiety ha been really bad for the past few week too but today i decided to check my weight and i lost kg i think i ve been eating the same amount everyday so is it really my anxiety that caused my weight to go down or i might have disease i m not aware of,1
hiii i hope you re having a good day or night i ve been under anxiolytic since december 0 a it is a pretty strong one i can t use this for too long so i slowly lowered the dose now i take pill per day i started at pill per day problem i m strugguling to completly stop is it normal if anxiety kinda come back when you stop a medical treatement thanks p sorry if my english is bad it s not my native language,1
i just came back from running and i feel a bit anxious and i realized i always do after doing exercise,1
t w stalking so the other week i had a late doc appointment and whilst i wa walking a man started following me it obvious scared the shit out of me and my heart wa racing and i felt jelly leg and i wa in tear fast forward a couple of week and i ve started getting a racing heartbeat and feeling faint etc having the feeling only when i m out by myself so i know they re panic attack but they only happen when i go out by myself even if it s from the bus stop to home i m guessing that it may be from what happened are there any tip people have for trying to battle this im seeing a therapist soon but want some extra advice whilst i wait for it,1
my year old daughter biological father and his family are all abusive and narcissistic we are a year no contact now but she continues to have no change with constant insecurity fear anxiety depression headache confusion control it s almost like she is addicted to her anxiety need advice on what to do to help her break this cycle she is pushing all of her feeling that have been broken from abuse and inadvertently teaching her younger sister to be the same way my stamen in the matter is getting thin her anxiety make mine shoot through the roof especially when she know when she is being very unreasonable about several repeating subject and then continues being unreasonable while trying to hide that she is enjoying it,1
hi all i m a 0 year old male with diagnosed anxiety depression and add a form of adhd minus external hyperactivity i m not entirely sure what this post is other than i d just like to share what i feel like often i think it would be interesting to hear if this is relatable to anyone else or if i can possibly provide some form of way to help others understand how they can explain what they re dealing with firstly a majority of my life is cut short due to the symptom alone of anxiety sweating profusely is by far the worst for me a it stand already i have a condition called hyper hydrosis simply meaning that i sweat far more than normal this combined with my feeling of anxiety no matter how big or small mean i m constantly sweating a i type this i m having to wipe my screen dry my under arm are dripping etc and all i m doing is sitting down anxiety come with ton of insecurity and in my experience hygiene is the biggest killer i shower everyday which is relatively normal but due to the amount i sweat i often have to rinse myself to feel clean again more often than not i ll end up needing shower within hour because of this i can t enjoy myself being around people knowing that i potentially smell due to my severe sweating this tends to mean jacket and long sleeve to prevent any possible smell being noticeable and of course in return the extra layer mean even more sweat without dragging on too much on one topic here this applies to thing like breathe skin cleanliness teeth condition etc almost everything you can be insecure about i m insecure about it add will often feel this is a best a i can personally describe it like there is some sort of ticking clock that is always close to hitting 0 even when thing are going slow or i m feeling relatively relaxed i often feel a if i m pressured by time in some sort of way this by itself is a nightmare to live with not to mention the never ending trouble that come with add but that s more subjective to me so i ll move on now having that combined with my anxiety is sometimes unbearable the most simple of task for example pulling up arriving somewhere and grabbing your bag and belonging before stepping out the vehicle it s never that simple people are waiting for me i need to hurry up my mum want to go home i got ta speed up i need to hurry up there s other driver probably being forced to stop because i m gathering my thing and so on often will end up in such a panic that i ll leave the car leaving behind a large amount of my item answering a phone call for whatever reason phone call send me into such a panic that i automatically hang up at any given moment it could even be mid sentence i always feel incredibly rude and it s the exact opposite of my intention a with my anxiety being a good person and not being judged or disliked is something so important to me phone call alone i have 000 thought going on make sure you sound interested you re gunna freeze up oh god it s going to get awkward am i speaking too much am i trying too hard with it okay just relax i can go on for a long time these are just some odd example of ton and ton of thing that i deal with and what everyone here deal with a well really i just hope this post ha given someone an idea that they re not alone with it which is a statement i find relatively comedic a nobody truly know how you actually feel and they never ever will however even in feeling alone you still aren t alone nobody is alone my heart go out to every person that deal with this can only apologise if any of this is hard to understand or isn t very clear putting thought into word is something that i think we all find probably the most difficult thing to do,1
i had struggled with this decision for month and finally i did it today i think i had been thinking a lot about how to say it and what my bos would say and i didn t even think about how i would feel after doing it maybe bc deep down i kinda knew i wa postponing it for a long time kinda surprised myself today when i did it the thing is i m just really weirded out bc i know it s the best for me and my bos even said so that there s in fact no room for growth there but i think my discomfort come from a deep attachment to this routine i ve had for almost year even if it wasn t the best and not knowing what s gon na happen with my job life from now on bc i don t have a new one yet amp x 00b anyway don t wan na let my anxiety win and revolve around this weird feeling bc i think i should be proud of myself for taking the matter into my own hand for once and for all amp x 00b if you read this hi and ty,1
sorry if this is the wrong place but i couldnt think where else to ask lol this is a uk based question i got prescribed med during a phone appointment the other day when they said they would send the prescription in the post i thought they might mean the medication itself and wa kind of surprised but now i think they just meant i d get sent the prescription form in an envelope bc that s what s arrived but they didn t say anything about what to do with it or where to take it i ve only ever been handed a prescription in person with instruction of which pharmacy to collect from and am kind of clueless right now ha anybody had this happen or know what to do can i just take it to any pharmacy,1
i m nearing the end of a long project that i have worked on from the end of last november and my body is trying to shut down to prevent me from doing it i know this fatigue is psychosomatic there is no physical source for it but trying to ignore it can only take me so far if i could work at the same peak rate i did around january and feburary i would ve finished this thing already a week ago and knowing that piss me off every single day i manage to do half of what i planned to do and no matter how hard i push myself i can t do six hour worth of work in even if i sit my as down and tell myself i am not getting up before this fucking thing is finished it run me ragged at worst trying to force myself to pick up my tool and move my hand i get so tired i get out of breath from just sitting at a desk i m perfectly healthy and in my late 0 and i know this is psychosomatic but no matter what i try i can t get myself to fight my way through it without this i would ve been finished long ago how do i make this stop,1
about a year ago i started getting anxious when i heard people yelling it doesn t happen when i m being yelled at only when it s other people arguing or sometimes even just loud talking even if it s isn t fighting it s gotten much worse to the point of me shaking and cry when i hear yelling i don t understand it i don t have much of a past with yelling a far a i know so i m not sure why this could be happening especially so suddenly there isn t much i can do to stop people from yelling because no one listens when i say it make me anxious and my only way to really block it out is loud music which i can t always have but i feel like at least knowing what could be causing this would help me feel at least a bit more normal understood if anyone know what this could be caused by or anything that could ease it even in the slightest bit maybe a form of music or something else please share it with me i d be very grateful also i don t have access to a therapist currently a mine just moved and i didn t get much time to talk to her about it,1
i just got back from a hour cycle enjoying the sun and i got in and had lunch and i started to feel so fatigued uneasy head fogginess it the strangest feeling to explain but it so horrible ive had this feeling a few time before it like ill sit on the sofa and ill have no will to move and the thought of getting up is overwhelming it feel like my health anxiety worry over normal stuff like being fatigued if i think more rationally and consider ive been going on hour cycle ride for the past day and ive been sleeping like crap ive been doing something quite intensive and then not allowing my body to recover through dodgy sleep plus on top of bad anxiety what is already quite exhausting,1
while hungover and puking in the shower i would often congratulate myself for being witty at a party the previous night wasn t it so funny when i yelled who care about the planet anyway while i puked into the recycling people laughed for year before my first drink i hated myself for being socially inept i hate being shy when i drink i m not shy after eight year of heavy drinking i began to accept that what i wa feeling wa social anxiety and it wa not going away after another two year i began to accept that i had developed a new problem while trying to overcome anxiety another two year i finally quit drinking on my rd day sober i admitted to myself that i hate the person i am when i drink i ve spent 0 year hating the person i am when i m sober so where doe this leave me now day 0 of my sobriety wa friendsgiving sara made bourbon sweet potato that tasted too strongly of bourbon i always preferred rye whiskey i spent a lot of that night sucking a fruit flavored vape pen the vice i took up in lieu of drinking on our way home tolemy apologized for getting too drunk but i didn t mind he remembers better than i do all the time i got too drunk,1
my body feel weird it feel like my leg muscle are electric sometimes they feel a bit tingly or it feel like i can feel blood rushing through my leg i m scared if it s something bad or if i have a disease or diabetes im freaking out i can feel my leg pulsating and they feel a bit sore even though i don t remember doing any activity that would cause soreness i ve just been very anxious this whole week and idk what to do anymore i lowkey wa feeling fine for a couple month trying to ignore everything and this week it all came back to me i m scared i can t catch a break this week everyday i m freaking out over something,1
reassure me i am fine my overactive mind is annoying i have been working graveyard shift at a food production plant the boss seem to really like me and have been training me on better paying position in the plant i have always been on time since i started in december today i somehow didn t hear my alarm go off woke up after my shift wa supposed to to start so i called and told them i wa having car trouble and i wouldn t make it in i guess my body wa so exhausted i just didn t wake up graveyard shift is new to me and my body still isn t used to it i ended up sleeping a total of hour a i went right back to sleep after calling in i must have been really sleep deprived totally unlike me to do and now i am just anxious about going in tomorrow there were some people missing multiple time a week and they got let go recently which is what make me anxious,1
i absolutely hate having my picture taken right now i m going through an especially hard time my med have been changed and i m in the early stage so going through the side effect with none of the benefit and i m informed that they are doing company picture tomorrow the one day i agreed to work in the office i also have an appointment with a hand surgeon to schedule surgery on my right hand tomorrow i type for a living so i m living in dread that they can t fix my hand and will make it worse because that s what anxiety doe so what do i do i just had a complete breakdown i work from home so only my husband saw fortunately and i cancelled working in the office tomorrow i had planned it that way to be closer to the appointment but screw them i m not going to let them do this to me anxiety depression and adhd all at the same time just suck,1
hey guy i m a very anxious person and do get anxious quite often a some of you may have a well my anxiety is often followed with sharp chest pain that will happen there and there for a couple of minute however i wa just wondering if this ever happened to anyone my right side of my chest is swollen just above the breast and it go down until the middle of my chest that s the only part where it hurt and the rest is just swollen and i have this tight feeling in my chest i have no trouble breathing but it hurt to do so anyone have this when they are anxious fyi i wa also diagnosed with costochronditis a couple of month ago,1
hope all is well this is my first time posting but would like to first take the time to say that i have been actively reading in this sub for the better half of a year since my generalized anxiety started to take over my life a little backstory i am m 0 lb and went to texas tech throughout college i wa on a pretty strong dose of add med 0mg vyvanse which if none of you have taken add med is like the pinnacle of add med at the highest dose i literally felt like god when i wa on them i say this because i would drink a lot on them do cocaine i wa in a frat vyvanse wa amazing because you literally could never get drunk also i wa incredibly fit even though i drank so much i would work out all the time but never wanted to eat but i wa shredded i wa also super social and had this crazy fucking sex drive not lying i could stay rock hard for easy two hour and would be told to stop because the girl wa too worn out not tryna to sound cool but i am trying to paint this picture of how powerful this drug wa but after about year of that i graduated back in may and everything went downhill i started to have severe panic attack a rapid heartbeat crazy high blood pressure which sent me to the hospital finally went to the doctor and she said first that ny old doctor should lose her license forever prescribing me that high of a dose and that since i had taken the vyvanse for so long and binge drinking i have completely drained my brain of any serotonin diagnosis severe generalized anxiety disorder initially wa put on lexapro but that shit gave me really scary suicidal ideation especially coming from someone that had never once even considered that an idea i have moved to celexa mg then 0mg then 0mg finally now 0mg which is what i have been at for month and it ha been amazing i am perfectly fine i had discussed initially with my doctor that eventually i would want to get back on add med because i do have pretty bad add and wa about to enter nursing school she told me that once we get the anxiety under control then we can get add med so about month ago i wa anxiety free some minor episode of just feeling anxious but no panic attack and she had given me 0 mg xanax for emergency use which kill those few and far between episode immediately month ago i wa finally prescribed focalin mg ir x a day and wellbutrin sr 0mg x daily right when i wake up so i currently take 0mg celexa day focalin mg ir day welbutrin sr 0mg day everything is perfect except for one problem now i can not finish sexually and it is hard to keep an erection like i don t even think about sex anymore which suck because i am good looking have no issue with woman tinder bumble hinge but this is a serious issue because i am normally overly sexual sorry for the long rant but i wanted you all to have the best understanding possible of what is going on and if anyone can relate i am meeting with my doctor next week to discus but am just sad because in the past week different woman have asked me why i can t stay hard finish which hand down the most embarrassing thing because they all think it is because of them i would also like to say that i regularly work out am very fit lean build and do like to drink when i am with these woman the drinking just make it so much more fun for me so idk if the drinking ha any effect on this issue i haven t tried not drinking which i will test tonight when i see one of them thank you again for reading this far tl dr sex issue on celexa wellbutrin and focalin i do drink when i am having these issue but drinking make the sex so much more enjoyable lol,1
edit i realize maybe i write too much you don t need to read it to answer the question in a way i needed to vent also thats what a lot of this is but i can only put one flair i have heavy anxiety social and general i think it s called not sure i avoid going anywhere a much a i can i get very anxious around new people and absolutely hate it and then i also have anxiety about my health what if i am doing something wrong etc i had medication once that i would take if i had a panic attack but i don t have any more it wa a one time prescription after a visit to emergency care depression also cloud my life my anxiety make me depressed issue about my identity make me depressed and overall it s just awful everything feel so awful and it s hard to feel happy about anything even though where i am right now i asked to be i wa seperated from my bf cause of family moving stuff and i am with him again after month of being alone at my family place for month i wa looking forward to being here but i can t even be happy about it because my anxiety mainly it is because of work i have never had a job before and i am gon na start soon at a fast food place yeah i know amazing for someone like me i hate meeting new people everyday i am scared i wont be able to learn quick enough or retain information i really don t look forward to having to interact with people i am scared to be treated like an outcast i m trans and at the interview i let the interviewer call me she which i am not but it wa like whiplash is that the right word and i couldn t say anything now i have to correct him when i call back because i wa told to call back but i am scared because it feel like correcting someone on pronoun make a big deal i don t want it to be a big deal but some people take it so personally it s not something i want brought up all the time honestly i don t want to be a push over but i also don t want to be seen a too defensive another thing i am anxious about is my trip to work i will have to take public transport and i have huge fear of something bad happening to me that i can t relax when going anywhere and i am scared of being asked to come in on many day off and i don t like to say no but i also don t want to be asked to fill any shift whenever they want i said i am willing but honestly only day extra a week i am not doing day work no break thats awful i am scared i wont be able to make the decision i want and fall to pressure sorry if it s a lot to read and maybe i get off topic sometimes my mind is a mess i just want to know how some of you cope that work in job with a lot of customer interaction and people around i feel like i wont make it like i will screw up big time or have a panic attack and i will just walk out because i can t keep my anxiety under control i want to get help but i really have no money i want to find a better job but i have no experience in anything and everything that you don t need experience for is customer oriented or requires heavy lifting and i don t have the time either having to get a job asap because my bf is paying for our accommodation right now and i need to help out so i need to do this but i feel like it s gon na take a toll on me and i don t know what to do,1
lady do you feel like your med don t work at all during your period i swear every month around my period and while i m on it i m a absolute anxious depressed mess,1
what should i do i am feeling down i don t know,1
here the reason we used to stay in a nice house everything went well for several year all this time he father ha been borrowing money in mother s name now we stay in tiny home fight everyday mom in horrible health condition and he just sits and watch tv the whole fucking day no way to pay back debt he doesnt care about me or my mother at all he speaks to others like he is thier owner and they are his slave no care for anyone just smoke all day my life is ruined i have no one to talk to no real friend and about to relapse into old bad coping mechanism i dont know why i am living but once i graduate i want to take my mom and go away from him forever i live scared thinking and hoping he doesnt abuse my mother he doe but not physically only way for me and my mom to recover is his death or ours,1
ha anyone been prescribed mirtazapine or other alpha receptor antagonist to treat their anxiety i would prefer not to use start with ssri s what wa you experience,1
i do for your reference i m now pretty underweight and i look like a yo i know i m not pretty physically i have sunken cheek unwanted mark on my face severely crooked teeth stunted height here are some of my story early high school i visited a friend s house to finish a project her brother were there and i heard them say thought she s a chick but she s just a chicken non verbatim looking back this sound petty but when people start making these comment when you re in that age you re still building that self confidence it just break it all down into dust back in college i vividly remember how i wa walking past a group of guy i have no one walking behind me and i m pretty sure i wa alone that time then i heard them say number out loud i just froze when i realised they were rating me based on my appearance asshole i know and this happened not only once still in college i wa asked a a favor to be in an infograph because they said they liked how i look i wa really excited to see it online but when the infograph wa released they cut my face from the photo they apologised for cutting my face because it didn t suit the vibe i have more but these are most of the memory i remember that keep me up at night i also pieced it together how i think meeting new people they ll laugh at my face for being sooo ugly so i ll just avoid it for the rest of my life ending up alone with my hobby and pet my anxiety wa bad i would have panic attack i would shake vomit refuse to eat but i d also like to add that being ugly isn t the sole reason for my anxiety ofc there s more but when you already have 0 self confidence and other problem you know what happens i m in a i think better place now and in this period where random people s opinion count le than it used to getting brace soon too for my teeth and i would like to share these a a way to let it rest forever here and not in my mind may we all attain peace of mind rip,1
i used to enjoy posting and just interacting with people but now i can t bring myself to open it up it s just awful seeing post and post of people just living while i m just existing stagnant it all feel so counterfeit,1
he ha cheated on me in the past we are working on making thing smooth he is tryig to be open and transparent which previously he didnt do i can see the difference in him he know i m a very paranoid being and with my anxiety i do become impulsive just about thinking him being around girl i even asked him to not go but he said he is just going there for fun and not to be around girl if there wa something fishy i wouldn t have even said you about girl being there the cheating part ha left me being an over thinker and paranoid or controlling person i know i have to give some space in the relationship and try n trust him more but most of the time i act out of impulsiveness the intrusive thought of past thing he did keep running through my mind all day and when i have these flashback i feel this rage and fit of anger and i think i shouldn t be with him because of the hurt he caused i think to myself i wouldn t talk to him for sometime or so but i can t be away from him it s like i m betraying myself the person he cheated on me with is a family friend so there is a high chance i might meet this person if i go around in any of party involving my bfs family the thought if just make me go crazy i know my bf is also at fault i feel the anger towards him a well how do i handle this with maturity tl dr i wa cheated on by my bf we both are working on it we are looking at this relationship for a long term one so there isn t breaking up involved and that is not an option so we are trying to work on it but the person he cheated on me with is a family friend so there is a high chance i might meet this person if i go around in any of party involving my bfs family the thought if just make me go crazy i know my bf is also at fault i feel the anger towards him a well how do i handle this with maturity i have also become very impulsive and a paranoid person i regard to the relationship,1
i started a new job month ago and every day since than i have had extremely bad anxiety to the point where i cry uncontrollably i have tried meditating and letting my mind know it is okay to be feeling this way and acknowledging it but the more i do this the more i cry the job itself yes it is stressful but when i am with a customer the anxiety go away the thought of just having to go into work make my anxiety go crazy and my mind immediately start to trigger the fight or flight response and tell me to quit ha anyone dealt with anything like this or have any advice a to how to overcome or at least calm down this anxious feeling of regretting having to go to work and cry nonstop about it,1
my account on a messaging app got hacked while there s nothing illegal there i used to be a very very shitty person and i ve written extensively about my terrible wrongdoing attempt to get therapy and make ammends charity work i know that this person is unlikely to leak my info they seem to be using my account to scam my friend out of money they re committing multiple felony and i doubt they want to leak info and get caught still all this make me feel extremely anxious,1
i used to have worse anxiety but it s been better since i started on adhd medication but every time i now have even small amount of anxiety that don t even amount to an anxiety or panic attack the next day i get really really bad fatigue like i get out of breath from walking across the room and my leg ache despite doing nothing i know tiredness after anxiety is normal but i m getting this after even small amount of anxiety when i didn t have this before even after a day long anxiety attack is this normal or should i book a gp appointment because i end up having to take day off school because of it btw i no longer have anxiety it really is just specific situation such a an anxiety attack about my phobia or even a phone call with a doctor appointment,1
my doctor just prescribed me trazodone buspirone and escitalopram for my anxiety i am not sure what to do here since i read they all interact with each other but my doctor say it s just fine and he know best i am already taking buspirone and it help a lot he also knew escitalopram give me insomnia and still prescribed it not sure if i should just stop bitching or find another doctor,1
so a the title say i m looking to go and see a doctor about my anxiety i ve been to a rehabilitation centre and talked to a few doctor people there i smoke weed for my anxiety and it doesn t help anymore it can t be everywhere and anytime i get a anxiety attack my weed usage ha been extremely high before going to the rehab place and now that i ve brought it completely down i get mad anxiety when i smoke i smoke to stop the anxiety now i just get anxiety from smoking i m not sure that i can go about smoking anymore financially it s not good for me doe anyone have any suggestion on what doctor would be good to talk to when i call to book a appointment,1
you enter a store looking to buy a particular thing you browse around and realise that they do not the item you came in for so you buy something you don t really need because you are afraid that the staff at the store may suspect you of shoplifting,1
friend tried to send enough for a hotel but then my dog needed attention and then i sold my ring and i found out it wa pretty much fake and worth basically nothing enough tk get a hotel i thought so i did it it wasn t now i m probably going to wind up spiraling and i just want to be home in missouri never thought i d say that very thankful to the stranger who got my ticket can t wait until i can get on it please think good thought for my safety tonight it seems safe enough but the night is the worst for both me and my dog wish a shelter would allow her edit if anyone can help please pm me,1
sometimes when i close my eye to try to sleep i get this crazy feeling that i can describe closest to be a zap it only last a second second and kind of feel like a sharp rush upwards and make me whole body tingle a little when it happens i thought it wa vertigo at first but since hearing about brain zap i think this might be closest i also described the feeling to my ent because i thought it wa vertigo and he looked confused taken aback but my description so i m guessing it really isn t vertigo it doesn t happen too often and only really happens at night when i close my eye to sleep i ve never been on any medication,1
since i can remember a a kid i had problem with anxiety it is not that i can not hide it except tremor but sometimes it is too tough and overwhelming whole my life i used to be compared to others and rejected at first instance of any kind of trouble it troubled me a lot because of bullying body shaming physical abuse even i developt chronic disease and had suicidal thought because of it the worst one wa rejection by the close one who said nice thing about me and thought otherwise my spirit in a way kept me feeling better because i made myself go against anything even if it is that stressful and i am hyperactive i know i am strong willed on one side but there is huge unsettlment on other side which is very hard sometimes to control i can have 0 bpm doing just nothing the worst thing actually are my thought and overthinking every single decision that i ever made i am thinking about going this time to have a talk because i do not know how much i can take more and when will my will break at some point even tho i make myself do thing to feel better,1
my doctor think that sertaline is better for anxiety but my fatigue specialist insists that citalopram is anyone with real life experience of either or both happy to share their opinion thanks,1
hey guy im gon na be honest here im a year old stoner with a lot of mental health issue i havent ever really had anyone i felt comfortable or safe opening up to and i know it can be the same for a lot of other men of all age i wanted to create a subreddit of some sort a a safe place to vent give and seek advice for domestic or any other reason a men mental health problem seems to be kinda looked over i m looking for advice on how to grow that kind of community i haven t had a safe place like that for me and i dont want men to have the same problem or feel the same way i would eventually like to grow this in to a full fledged non profit organisation kindest regard safewithus,1
so four year ago i met this guy online we hung out quite a bit from october 0 until may 0 9 we hung out almost every single day so in a nutshell he had a problem with drug and mental health issue and went to jail in june 0 9 he ended up being sentenced to three year in a mental hospital from online court record i knew he wa getting released this month about two week ago i looked at his facebook and he had like 0 more friend than the last time i looked i also noticed he had commented on someone s status anyway he posted his new number on there a couple day ago i thought about texting him but i don t know if i should i would really like to see him again but my sister is telling me to stay away from him i m not friend with him on facebook i only knew the guy for a year so maybe he won t even remember me what do you think,1
i emailed my teacher a few week ago because we had a speech coming up so i emailed her ahead of time i explained that i have an anxiety disorder gad and that speaking in front of a class is not something i am able to do because of really bad anxiety attack and also i lose the ability to speak so yeah i asked if there wa any way i could still get point without having to do the speech in front of the class she asked if we could do it just u together a in i present it to just her at lunch i agreed but now i regret it my speech is tomorrow and i m freaking out even over just saying my speech to just her i don t think i can do it but it would look bad if i email her saying i ll just take the zero instead right,1
i know my mind think thing that make no sense and sometimes i just sit there and watch myself experience these thought and then i fall into a weird psychosis i keep having irrational fear of death and it trigger me on a daily basis i get scared to fall asleep because i think my dad is going to murder me i sit in the car and get a random thought about getting hit and dying i watch the news and get scared about another war starting that lead to dying the anxiety that i have about dying before i am able to get old ruin my willingness to actually enjoy my life i think the past couple of year since covid ha exposed me to a lot of unexpected and very triggering event in my life and for this reason i m scared to relax when thing are going good i worry about enjoying peace in my life because something bad might happen so much of this worrying make me sleep a lot it make me frustrated about myself it take away the motivation and lust i used to have for life i am too familiar with a rising heartbeat every thirty minute or the feeling of dread after doing the most mundane thing sometimes i walk around in my everyday life and just feel like i m in a developing video game and i m just waiting for the program to start i m scared all of the time of what the next thing that s going to happen to me come i wish i could be a normal person i remember when my anxiety used to just revolve around small stuff like my appearance now i don t even care about what i look like it s like i don t even recognize who i am anymore,1
i m not sure if i have anxiety or adhd or im just introverted and procrastinating lol i started biting my nail since i wa a kid i tried hard to get rid of this habit but it not something i can control i put on nail polish usually but once it fall ill start biting them or fixing them with nail clipper a little bit of unsmoothness on my nail will bother me a lot and ill just sit there and keep fixing it for hour straight instead of doing any work literally every 0 min i would find somewhere bothering me on my nail i also overthink a lot it might be influenced by my mom who kept telling me that others might think negatively about me bc of any barely noticeable detail about what i do how i look so now i will just replay some scenario in my head hundred of time feel bad about myself and had to take deep breath say to myself it ok out loud or make some sudden noise to make my mind jump out of that vicious loop recently i feel that my attention span is getting even shorter i will sit down for work and get distracted after min and start watching youtube video for hour i notice myself doing that and i would think maybe i should go back to work but the other part of my mind is like numb and fail to take any action to the point that im only able to focus for a long time under pressure like a day before meeting or exam idk if it is just bad work ethic procrastination introversion or i should get a check up for anxiety adhd like i heard other ppl relate to me on point amp so idk if it just some common problem that i can just work it out either way can anyone give me any advice on whether to get a diagnosis or smth i could do on my own to mitigate these behavior thanks,1
finally decided to give it a try wish me luck,1
i ve always had anxiety issue a a kid i thought that i wa normal and everyone felt this way dry heaving in the car on the way to a new babysitter house i m now and i still have constant anxiety the last three month have been worse than anything prior the only time i feel slightly normal is when i take a xanax my dr said that they re addictive so it s a short term solution i have been off of work on and off for two month my dr gave me zoloft and i ve been on it for a week and a half and i m still somewhat hopeful that it ll kick in but idk what i ll do if it doesn t help substantially,1
just to start off i do work but i really don t want to for some reason i get a crazy amount of dread when thinking about working especially going into a shift i especially have anxiety thinking about how it mess with my schedule i had a really bad experience with a lazy employer and i would work totally alone for shift without much instruction it wasn t very bad but my anxiety would not leave me alone it keep me up at night and that s really hard to do because i fall asleep in literal second i don t even know where to go from here everyone i tell this to say i have to work a if i will never get a job for this reason even when i specifically say i will work but i won t like it,1
i m trying to figure out if this is an anxiety thing i have been thinking that i may have adhd and i know this is a symptom of it but my therapist say that she won t test me for it bc anxiety can mimick adhd i go through these period every few week or some time every few day i m either really motivated and will do a million thing in a day and clean shower hang out w friend everyday but if this go on for too long i get extremely depressed and burnt out this happened friday i wa so motivated i went to work then the gym then cleaned then saturday i wa out all day something not normal for me sunday wa the same i worked then went out w friend spent all day with friend monday and tuesday worked then went to the gym but now i m extremely depressed and my room is so messy and i don t have any energy and just want to lay in bed for day and not talk to anyone i thought this wa an anxiety v depression cycle but now i think it s sort of a manic like v depression burn out cycle i m just looking to see if anyone can relate it s so hard to keep a job bc of these period of burn out no matter what stage i am in the cycle i m still extremely anxious i just have more motivation to push through it when i m at that point in the cycle,1
anyone else with this fear i can t go outside when it s dark i get panic attack thinking everyone is out to get me i also have a fear of getting killed by previous boyfriend friend and fear they will break into my house it make it hard to look into the future thinking everyday is the last,1
so i literally have barely any success in making friend i make friend we get close then they disappear from my life i m in uni now trying to make friend i have a small nice friend group i get invited to some of the hangout etc but i constantly feel like there is tension between me and a few people like a if they hate me i made a friend last year now she barely talk to me and i genuinely think she hate me to add i m not a sexual person at all so i never made advance with any of those friend if anything i try to avoid physical contact because of constant anxiety of making people uncomfortable i also have low self esteem which is pretty clear but i really feel sad about having people not like me i mean some people always get text and are friend with so many people eventhough theyre barely more social than i am i genuinely don t understand my problem amp x 00b tldr how to make people like you a a friend how to stop thinking everyone hate you,1
how do i quit a job i keep having panic attack and it s interfering with my job i just started two week ago and this is happening someone plz help i missed my alarm this morning and it s a bad look i don t know what to tect my bos i m quitting bc i feel nervous everyday about the job it s sad bc i actually liked it it s my body that s the issue,1
i have an interview tomorrow and i feel like i am dying from how stressed i am right now i already had a panic attack earlier but thankfully i came down from it fast this would be my second job ever and i wa at my first job for three year so i feel like i will be rusty and mess it up and i have to drive a route i am not used to and dont know well which driving is a major trigger for me can i have some word of support or encouragement to get through this please,1
i found out today i ll most likely lose my job tomorrow i am a covid suppression specialist and of course i knew there would come a time but based on what the leader had said i expected to stay on until next summer i m doing my best to distract myself but i m feeling my anxiety in my leg and arm it s almost like that feeling you get after your foot fall asleep i ve managed to lose lb in the last week about 0 more to go and i don t want to stress eat and gain it back,1
is it a bad thing i cried in front of my friend who s a girl so i m a guy and my best friend who is a girl opened up to me about abuse she faced in the past and i started cry while she wa telling me and i just hugged her the next day i told opened up to her that i experienced the same type of abuse and that s why it broke my heart when she had told me about it i also have opened up to her about me self harming and having severe depression and having a drug problem i ve recently been doing better but i can t help but worry that this changed how she see me she ha remained super supportive and still asks me to hangout and i feel like we have grown closer but i also worry she secretly think i m a bitch now,1
so i wa prescribed propranolol 0mg for really bad physical anxiety symptom i have something coming up later in the semester in term of presentation it s not just presentation it s like presentation in one day i know what a joy i wa definitely planning to take a dose that day however i m scared it will wear off a few hour later is it fine if i double the dos that day or should i not,1
i love alcohol no i m not a problem drinker but i love a good hazy ipa a good single malt scotch and good wine but when i m having an extended bout of anxiety head fog i completely lose my desire for any of it is that odd,1
so i ve always feared going crazy a few day ago someone made fun of a stutter in front of me cause they didn t know i stuttered after that realized how easy it is for others to talk badly behind my back and wondered who can i really trust i realized a few day later anyone can be made fun of for many thing and i m no different rather if it s a stutter lisp religion sexuality appearance you can be made fun of it for all of that i stopped worry about it and later in the day someone commented on a post about it and said they became psychotic and paranoid thinking about people talking behind their back after they did that for a long period of time this freaked me out because this thought wasn t from ocd although later that first day i thought this i thought i feel crazy thinking this way it took 0 0 minute after reading that comment to not feel like i wa about to have a panic attack and ever since that happened yesterday i ve been extremely anxious i wa laying in bed and realized 99 of people won t make fun of me and the one that do i ll never be friend with and if i am they ll show themselves with time but i wa laying in bed and it feel like a weight wa lifted off of me i realized it s best to take this stutter le serious i ve been letting it defy me instead of treating it like an aspect of me i wa thinking about it i stuttered during sex and literally started laughing because i found it funny and i remembered my cousin making fun of my stutter when i said pork i stuttered and she said ah yes i love pork pork pork i wa offended at the time but i find it funny now i m learning there s joke that devalue me and joke that are lightheaded and i m beginning to not be offended at the light hearted joke now that i see that difference i heard people before going insane end up really happy sometimes and i feel great now that i realized i m going to take it le serious and just joke about my stutter because it doesn t define me doe it sound like i m going insane or did i just figure out what i needed to do after becoming scared but turning that into a plus for me,1
doe anyone else experience this i had a very traumatic fainting experience when i wa 0 year old and have fainted maybe 0 or so time in the last year following it normally is brought on by extreme anxiety and trigger would love to know if anyone ha any tip with dealing with this at this point i can kind of know what s going to cause a fainting spell but it s very exhausting to always have to think about,1
i ve had tinnitus for like year could it be somehow related to anxiety also neck pain for year tension mainly thanks for answer,1
last night i had a dream that ha been weighing on my mind all day long even now a i prepare for bed i cant shake the memory of it and i fear that it will be revisited in more horrible way than before the love of my life stephanie is traveling home with two of her male friend from a party their car is forced off the road by a pair of car and armed men jump out and pull them from their vehicle the friend are brutally executed with a hail of gunfire and stephanie covered in their sticky blood is forced into the trunk of one of their car pleading with the men she is taken to a dark place and sold a an object and she becomes the victim of human trafficking for 0 year i pine for my lost love a i wonder about her disappearance and out of the blue i learn of her fate and also her whereabouts i go to the gun store she is being held in and spy her in a back room chained inside a cage her form battered and bedraggled and only a sliver of her once beautiful form remaining i make pleasantry with the men behind the counter a i surreptitiously draw from my pocket a blade asking for the price of an item on the shelf behind him i draw the attention of one of the men away from me making him turn around when his back is turned i take my knife and swiftly slit his throat throwing his gagging body to the floor with shocked look on their face the other two men in the store watch a i bound over the counter and stab the first of them to death through his chest with a leap across the room i take hold of the last of them and we struggle furiously a he force the blade from my hand causing it to clatter to the floor we fight ferociously and eventually i best my foe caving in his skull with a piece of furniture and pulling the cage key from his pocket covered head to toe in gore i unlock stephanie s cage and help her to freedom she look at me like i m some fresh hell being visited on her but i reveal myself for who i am and tell her that she is rescued she burst into tear of relief and sob for hour over all the horrible thing she ha been forced to do and to witness for year nearly uncounted and i console her until she is calmed i produce for her a pair of cupcake that i had prepared before entering the store and had set aside i tell her that the first is made of sugar and apple and is all the sweet thing i will give to her the second is made of coffee and rat poison and will taste bitter but will be the end of her suffering at long last i give her the choice and without a moment hesitation she take the latter and eats heartily of it sending the former to the floor forgotten she smile a wan grin at me and tell me thank you before closing her eye and looking finally at peace with her lot i hold her in my arm to keep her warm and safe a she pass on into the next world unable to live with what ha happened to her in her captivity at this point i awoke and stared at the pillow beneath me and imagined all the terrible thing that stephanie must have experienced and for a long moment i wa horrified it wa only then that the realization that it wa a dream hit me and i remembered the truth stephanie ha been dead for fifteen year she took her own life in a fit of depression and did not in fact fall victim to human trafficking at this realization i said aloud i m glad you killed yourself with an unspoken underscore of this realization that she hadn t been sold a thought that in no way ha ever formed in my mind or lip before that moment writing out this account already make me feel better and i think i might be able to brave another round of unconsciousness though i have no doubt another mare of the night will visit this is my first reddit posting and i thank you for reading it,1
hello all lately i have been fighting with my anxiety after having fought in a relationship i m still holding pain in my chest and i always wake up with anxiety also i always cry during the day and before going to sleep i m living with my boyfriend and i don t want him to be sad like me amp x 00b could you guy give me some advice to help me heal myself,1
sometimes it s not even mental anxiety somedays i just feel it physically i can be totally okay in the noggin but my muscle are tense i m really cold my leg can t stop bouncing my jaw is clenching my nail are digging into my palm then i get up and the world feel woozy that s when i realize how exhausted i am despite hardly doing anything that could ve caused that exhaustion no anxious thought just an anxious body,1
i have this constant thought hanging over my head that at all time somehow i m not using my time wisely regardless of what it is if i m taking a relaxing bath to calm my nerve i think about how i could be doing something even more fun or exciting and this task is not worth the time i m spending on it i often have morning where i find myself unable to fall back asleep even if i m awake way earlier than i need to be for work plan that day lamenting how i am or am not using that time to my best advantage it make it so hard to enjoy my day off or the time i don t spend occupied with something sometimes my day off are stressful the most at the very end when i reflect back on all the thing i didn t do but should have done even if that s total nonsense to a clearer headed me there s nothing i have to do on a day off i m sitting here right this second looking at the clock over and over thinking i wasted the last 0 minute watching youtube video when i could ve been playing video game but when i play video game instead i feel bad about not having watched a movie or new tv show instead it s so maddening ha anyone found a way to manage this constant sense of impatience,1
i am and i graduate in a couple of week i feel no where ready to graduate and i still feel like i m 9 i started applying for job but i do not have a full time offer yet it s so awful scrolling through linkedin seeing people posting that they accepted a full time job i m no where near there i m also a first generation student so there s that another one of my anxiety besides graduating from college is that my parent are moving to south florida i hate florida i hate the weather there and i love how it is up here in the northeast unfortunately i do not have the finance to move out even with roommate it would not work out i feel like i m going to be absolutely miserable in florida i hate the vibe there in fort lauderdale and florida to me is a place to visit not to live long term the idea of moving is so anxiety inducing and it just suck it also suck dealing with social anxiety which is preventing me from doing so much i hate it,1
so i just completed my rd admission a a inpatient and a big worry ha been my eye becoming damaged anyway on my way home today around pm to 0 when the sun is low and glare is heap the sun wa in my eye the whole way home i wa coming in from a angle you just couldn t block out i didn t have sunnys now i am paronoid i have sunburnt my eye or given them flash burn or whatever it is called i am already spiralling downward and can t even enjoy being my family again after being away for so long,1
my throat is always closed up and today it feel like someone ha their hand on my neck i get burning skin and twitch in my eye and so many other thing it make the mental battle that i go through 0 time harder i wish i could have a day off,1
several time throughout almost every night just a i m dozing off my body jar me awake convinced it just saved me from drifting off into death my heart race my chest tight exhausted almost to tear i ll sit up put my hand on my chest take deep breath lay back down and repeat up to 0 time a night sometimes anyone else experience this or have any advice i can t hardly sleep anymore,1
today i wa prescribed xanax and celexa for my depression and anxiety i have major anxiety about taking pill the side effect freak me out especially when it come to mental medication i ve took zoloft in the pas for a couple day and it freak me out with suicidal thought very angry and ticked off i m scared this might happen again i m so lost on what to do i really need the help but scared of the help,1
do you have a certain objekt or garment that your always carry with you something that make you uneasy if you dont have it with you i personaly always carry my noice cancelling headphone although i dont necesarily use them all the time,1
if you ve just been through something very stressful or a time of high anxiety be easy on yourself i know instinctually we expect to just bounce back immediately after said stressor is gone but high level of stress take a toll on both your mind and body it ll take some time to heal you might continue to feel stressed not a much a before but still be extra prone to anxiety trigger physically drained tense achey sour stomach nausea etc and before you freak out about how you feel think back to the basic before you jump to something scary did you eat enough today what did you eat did you drink enough water today how much sleep did you get this past week how sound wa that sleep did you have to take a different medication recently what s your posture been like any constant muscle tension have you socialized much recently have you gone outside recently think of these question not judgmentally but objectively sometimes it s hard to take perfect care of yourself it s not something to beat yourself up over say you re feeling really fatigued lately if you ve barely eaten anything and been getting poor sleep then it s not surprising at all that you d be tired that s on top of chronic anxiety which can cause unpleasant physical and mental symptom even when you re doing everything else right just because you feel crappy doesn t mean you have some scary life threatening disease it suck to feel like that but try not worry yourself over thing that at the moment are just fantasy granted if you feel like this all time like me i d recommend seeing a therapist and or psychiatrist maybe even going for a regular doctor visit if you haven t gone in a long time just to check in on thing basically what i m saying is don t scare yourself into a panic over your physical symptom but if you feel like they are interrupting your life it might be a good idea to seek help and there s nothing wrong with seeking help either if someone is having trouble seeing thing clearly they go to an optometrist for help this is the same thing for some reason or another our body brain isn t working how it should for u to lead a healthy life it s not our fault and it s not shameful to need help hope ya ll have a good week,1
hey all i feel the title is pretty self explanatory suffered with ga and ha for most of my life but after year of therapy at least once a month i have learnt a lot of coping mechanism and am doing so much better however i have alot on right now which is overwhelming me immensely and causing my anxiety to creep back very quick back story i m f single mother to an year old being a single mother is not new to me i m organised and have a great support network and earn a comfortable wage i work in management and look after a multitude of employee let s say 0 which is a lot my rental lease is due to expire end of june and australia ha a housing crisis a lot of financially stable people are unable to find home due to the volume of applicant applying for rental i m in the process of buying a property about min away from where i live due to the exorbitant house price in my area median house price is now 0k this is my first home so the process seems daunting even with my broker assistance the move itself entail my daughter changing school right before high school which wa not an easy decision to make my parent are relocating back overseas which will leave me here in australia with no immediate family i don t struggle with problem solving but i guess the issue i have is where to begin there s too many variable factor and i guess i feel stressed because my basic need for a home and stability is so up in the air any advice on how to manage this feeling of utter rubbish i m incredibly unmotivated am not sleeping well and noticing general anxiety creeping in again,1
i m in college and i get so much anxiety from doing even the most basic rebellious thing before people mention it yes i know i can always leave the situation but i genuinely do want to experiment and try new thing out i d hate for my college day to go to waste i m going to an event this weekend and i m literally so anxious because they re talking about doing some very very minorly rebellious thing there thing that 0 of people do in college but im still so anxious ok im probably just being repetitive so i ll stop but any input is appreciated,1
i hate how some people think we use our anxiety to avoid responsabilities when in reality even moving can be difficult due to anxiety in my case sometimes anxiety attack make almost impossible grabbing thing my hand start feeling really weak,1
scared that the ceiling fan will drop and decapitate me can t turn on the air condioner either scared that it might explode,1
i spent my 0 s in a real mess i let anxiety get the better of me and quit a job outright with nothing to go to i developed agoraphobia and lied to family and friend that i wa still working i got really sick and couldn t go to interview because i didn t know how i would explain an month gap luckily i got a volunteering job which led to full time employment which i ve been in for year the only problem is the pay is terrible and the hour are incredibly long after year of deliberating i recently decided to apply for another job i got an interview but they told me that they wanted to discus my gap i panicked and pulled out of the interview i didn t want to humiliate myself in front of stranger that i had a break down and can t handle pressure i can t see myself lying about what i wa up to that year without my nervousness giving me away i just couldn t do it it suck because i really wanted to work for that organisation but i just chickened out i just feel like crap right now i guess i just needed to offload thanks for reading,1
do anybody experience a sharp pain in your chest area almost feel like pin and needle feeling is this anxiety i always feel like anxiety when my chest feel tight but this go round i don t have tightness in my chest it s more a needle pain i wa wondering is this anxiety,1
so i have been on fluoxetine prozac for 0mg and it seems to make my anxiety worse 0 0mins after i take them i have been on prozac for roughly around week is this normal,1
i wa diagnosed bipolar year ago i have very high level of anxiety my doc that i ve been working with ha been trying to get me to take lithium for a very long time i ve always been very resistant partly because i wanted to see if i could fix myself partly because my health anxiety ha me freaking out over side effect from lithium but my life is being taken over by the anxiety im not even living really just surviving really i don t want to struggle just to make it through the day so i think i have to get on my medication doe anyone have experience with lithium doe the good out way any possible bad thank you,1
some people with anxiety experience loneliness and deeply understand it so i am posting on this forum i have plant allll over my apartment to make me feel le lonely since plant are a form of life it doesn t do the trick though oh well although it doe give off a feeling that i would not have of there were no plant so question do plant make you feel le lonely,1
just in case i d like to add a tw for health i went to the doctor office and had not been having such a nice morning day anxiety wise and my blood pressure came up higher than normal and ironically enough it had me more anxious than i wa this morning ha this ever happened to any of you guy and if so do you guy have any tip on how to relax,1
have had pretty good control over the most part of my anxiety up until recently when i ve been having headache again and my neck seems to have flared up it s like a sense of impending doom followed by extreme panic and the feeling of thinning i m about to die idk what it is but it s crazy usually happens before i go to sleep these weird dull hit weirdly sharp pain in the left side of my head and this weird dent on the same side of my head hope it s not cancer,1
a coping mechanism i have is that i ll sort of get through the hour of the day until it is nighttime and i know i can have the sweet release of sleep soon of course this isn t every day but i usually look forward to sleep because it s the only time i am really guaranteed not to feel anxiety dread of course some day i will sorta forget about it but it seems that the like the main objective of the day is to get to the end of it funny enough i actually don t mind living like that i find it very comforting knowing i get an hour break from my anxiety every day i still have plenty of day where i am enjoying the thing through the day but even on those day when hour fly by i m like oh bonus i m closer to bed some day it s like my only hope though where i am really all over the place and it s my anchor to keep going idk i m sure it sound bad that i look forward to going to sleep everyday but i find it a pretty good coping mechanism,1
my therapist ha asked me to do something spontaneous activity in which i do not have control over the situation and that experience should feel good background so i have been trying to get out of this anxiety state which i get everytime i open my work laptop or think about work my mind ha been taking control and planning thing of so many thing that i can not let go control and do anything spontaneously i have been thinking about what can somebody do to fulfill this,1
for the past couple of month i have been feeling really cold my throat and my esophagus down to the center of my chest ha started feeling icy like i just drank a really cold glass of water but that feeling stay all the time i am a yr old female and don t have a history of debilitating anxiety or any anxiety at all but i have just recently had a few fuck ups at work and maybe it s anxiety i feel like when i calm down i still have that cold feeling sometimes though so i m not sure if that s a common feeling with anxiety or not ha anyone else had this if not i want i look elsewhere for the cause thank you in advance,1
so i m a 9 y o female who ha been on zoloft since i wa 0 i ve never drank or done drug but lately i ve gotten to a point in my life where i d like to try having a few drink with friend however on the side of my zoloft bottle it say not to drink alcohol would it still be okay to have a few,1
hi i wa wondering if anyone ha small kid with anxiety i have a seven year old that ha been coming to me the past couple day saying he feel like he can t breath and sometimes is on the verge of hyperventilation he is a very emotional child and always ha been looking back he may have always had anxiety but it s turning to physical symptom while this is happening i validate what he is feeling remind him i m there for him and we do boxed breathing his lung are clear oxygen level normal no wheezing no pain when experiencing this i have struggled with anxiety and feeling of shortness of breath too i wa wondering if anyone ha gone through this with their child and what are some resource i m calling the doctor tomorrow for an appointment a most of you know living with uncontrolled anxiety can truly feel like a nightmare and is the last thing i want for any of my child any advice would help thanks,1
i see a lot of people dealing with mental health issue being so hard on the self i know it s a hard time but please never bring yourself down your only human it s normal to experience these emotion please start being kind to yourself it will help so much,1
i desperately needed to make a appointment at a clinic that i ve been putting it off for week but today i finally did it i didn t even overthink at all i love that i am finally breaking out of my shell,1
i know it s a thing with visual perception a that s been a prominent part of my experience with derealisation but i ve just now made the smell connection there s a girl in front of me on this bus with a strong smelling hair product that s lingering all around and it s making me nauseous annoyed stop being so fragrant agitated like i wan na get off this bus badly it s so odd to me i m irrationally offput by a smell and actually it s a pleasant one but i m still repulsed and combined with all the other bus smell fabric staleness people etc it s so much worse the extent to which i m upset by this is ridiculous lol my own empty coffee cup is making me wan na spew can someone explain why this is happening and how i might ease or stop it there s no window that can be opened i know it might sound stupid but i m omw to meet a friend and this bus ride is taking it out of me and putting me on edge i don t want the evening ahead to be impeded by this,1
for past month i had this weird head rushing tension feeling when falling asleep even when i sit and i am bored i can feel it it s like my head would be scrambled between wall and my brain wa wired to something idk,1
but how many people more realistically have a debilitating mental illness,1
i had a meeting that i knew wa going to go well but i couldn t control my breathing and my heart rate wa insane i wa filling time with some paperwork but i couldn t focus i tried box breathing and it didn t work forgot to try grounding technique but will moving forward just to mention this pre event anxiety is normal a a kid going to birthday party made me anxious happens all the time still but this is the first time i just couldn t breathe this wa such a worrying experience i have something to actually worry about tomorrow and i hope it doesn t go the same way i honestly don t think it will because my body seems to react to adrenaline differently based on specific situation i am stressed thinking about it now or stressed because i m stressed maybe a soon a i sat down in that meeting i wa completely fine thought it might have been a combination of walking too fast and then my body not recovering from a weird breathing pattern but then i wa walking the same way later completely fine i ve been sighing all day which is what i tend to do when i am stressed i am trying to get help but yeah thing aren t moving along very well i m going to make an appointment with my therapist a soon a possible we are working together on an unrelated issue but i think we ll benefit from talking about it also worried about an upcoming wisdom teeth surgery anyway going to go cry so i can get some of this out of my system,1
i have been suffering with severe anxiety for a couple year now i had a bad life threading car accident in 0 0 and thing have never been the same i started college during the pandemic 0 0 and i wa on zoloft i wa taking my zoloft inconsistently and ended up in the hospital with severe side effect i decided to give it another try month later and the same thing happened i wa prescribed prozac in 0 and then took it for two day amp almost attempted fast forward to now my anxiety is the worst it s ever been i have severe side effect such a dizziness blurred vision shaking panic attack ect it s taken a toll on my daily life and i can t seem to function normally i m almost 0 year old amp living at home still because i can not seem to get a grip of my anxiety my day are long and exhausting amp most day i feel it would be better to end it all i will say i am also in therapy and considering seeing a psychiatrist i need advice anything i would love to hear about medication health psychiatrist therapy anything i just want to see what ha helped other people thank you everyone,1
so i took for my first time and it made me a little sleepy but it didn t help my anxiety much but i had the most lucid dream last night and wa literally pinching my skin trying to wake myself up is that normal i m really scared about it,1
hey f 9 and two month sober today so have been reading lot of quitlit lately i suffer badly with anxiety too so would love to hear some of your book recommendation thanks in advance x,1
im talking to a psychiatrist on friday i m gon na most likely be put on med which i need lol but i m scared the med aren t even gon na work for me and i m supposed to go to florida with my family in a few week but my anxiety and depression is at a all time high im rly just scared the med won t help me cuz it feel like nothing will help me,1
i have the worst tmj right now how do you get yourself to be more mindful of this lol also are there any stretch massage that work for you in relieving tmj,1
ever since my girlfriend moved 0 minute away to college i find myself worrying that she s in danger or dead when i don t hear from her for a while i m still a senior in highschool during the day i m usually not worried about her safety but at night if i don t hear from her by the time i m going to bed at like 0 pm i start to agonize and worry that she s dead she doe taekwondo every evening until or 9 and then take a 0 minute trip from the dojo back to her dorm and if i don t hear from her by the time i go to bed i start to lose sleep over my anxiety this happens any time i have a reason to expect to hear from her and i don t she assures me that the school campus is safe and i have nothing to worry about she s also a very safe driver and she s tall and athletic and therefore probably difficult to kidnap but i hate to think about that i could ask her to check in with me more or to check in at certain time but i feel strongly against being overbearing or controlling and i don t want to cross her boundary i think it annoys her a little bit already how much i worry about her and how i panic if i don t hear from her but she also try to reassure me the best she can i can t seem to ever fight my anxiety with logic i only feel better after hearing from her i don t feel this way when i m with her and i didn t even feel this way when we lived in the same town but in different house any advice on how to stop worrying so much about her safety,1
i ve been wanting a cat for a few month now at first i wanted a dog but they re too much responsibility for a university student and not many landlord accept dog i ve been suffering with anxiety for year but ever since i moved out of my family home it s just been getting worse and worse i ve made no friend i feel extremely lonely even though i am in a relationship of a year and half we do long distance since college though and i have frequent panic attack a well a sleep paralysis am i crazy for thinking a cat could really help me is it true untrue is my anxiety something only i can fix help my parent refuse to get me a cat or help me financially because of the responsibility that it mean but my therapist think it could be a good thing for me but also my boyfriend is allergic to cat anyway just asking for thought help,1
i am having some severe anxiety attack these can last for hour my blood pressure and heart rate get very high i ve been to the er but they just gave me ativan and it doesn t help i have trouble breathing it s hard to talk my limb go numb my heart feel cold i have severe urge to vomit and go to the bathroom,1
just stop being me stop being a disaster stop being a disappointment stop being annoying stop being so anxious,1
hello everyone i m an 9 year old male with a perfectly normal bmi 9 lb or cm 0kg i ve never smoked in my life i ve never tried drug and i don t drink alcohol no history of cancer or heart issue in my family so it all begun this july when i woke up with an intense chest pain i thought i wa having a heart attack and my mother slashed me to the er i had a blood test ekg ultrasound everything wa clear one week later i caught covid but the symptom were mild and i wa also vaccinated so in september i took a cbc again in order to get an accutane treatment for my acne the cbc came back with high wbc and lymphocyte 0 and normal are 0 0 0 for wbc and 0 for lymphocyte they told me it might be cause of covid and i should retake the cbc in a month meanwhile i begun to get daily intense chest pain at the upper left part where i can feel my heart so i got another appointment with a cardiologist in october i went to the cardiologist who did an ekg echo they told i have very few pvc s but that wasnt something concerning for the doc so they told me i don t have any heart issue now my cbc came back with more elevated wbc and lymphocyte and at the time i had also developed everyday abdominal pain and lot of gas like i have to fart all the time and the fart last long also i feel a fullness to my abdomen and i get spasm or fasciculation all over my body everyday i got an abdominal ultrasound which came back normal my poop also come back in thin layer which look nothing like before in december i met with an hematologist oncologist who put me on like 0 test and everything came back clear except my wbc which were again elevated at this time and lymphocyte at in september they were 0 and in december the hematologist told me that i have a reactive lymphocyticosis and it s nothing serious before i caught covid in july at the er my wbc and lympho were perfectly normal he said i should retake a cbc in month in order to check i also visited a gastroenterologist who said that i probably have nothing since i m too young and prescribed me omeprazole for 0 day it didn t help at all i also take vit d supplement because i have a deficiency i also had a poop culture which came back clear i decided that i should look into my thyroid for the heart etc so i got a thyroid ultrasound and some lab with bloodwork everything came back clear again along with some inflammation lab crp igm igg igg which were all negative the latest test were conducted in december now it s been like month that i m living in daily pain i can feel something like a rapid heartbeat in my abdomen jerk or twitch hand back etc my body is pumping all the time i think they re called fasciculation i get them like every 0 minute and it s so so annoying i also get the intense chest pain everyday i feel like my heart is gon na leave me or something it s really painful and i feel like dying the pain is very intense my abdomen also hurt everyday i have so much gas and ramblings i think it s everywhere in my body and i can t stand it my belly usually hurt at the upper left part but the pain is everywhere i m also severely bloated i also got covid again just a few day before new year im afraid to take a cbc now cause i believe that my wbc will have skyrocketed my symptom were worse than first time i had a high fever for day 9 c and i still have some cough i feel that this will really mess my immune system more than it s already messed up i guess it s already messed up because my covid symptom were much worse than in july even though i had the delta variant in july and now the omicron which is weaker i asked if i can get a colonscopy but they told me that they re meant for people over the age of 0 and me with no family history i m not a candidate for it plus i have no blood weight loss etc pretty much every test i ve taken come up normal except my wbc which keep raising every month i m so afraid that i have something serious like colon cancer or crohn s my quality of life ha really deteriorated i can t study any more i m gon na fail my uni final i can t do anything i m in daily pain my heart hurt my acne ha dominated my body it s really everywhere chest back butt face even thigh we re talking really bad cystic acne here not pimple and with bad break out i can t lie on my bed because my back bleeds because of it and i still haven t gotten the accutane because of my blood i also want to start working out but the pain are scaring the shit out of me thinking that i m gon na pas on the treadmill or something the acne ha also destroyed my self esteem and it s worse than ever been battling with it for almost year now i also get random pain all over my body lower back headache arm etc i really don t wan na die yet but my life is really shitty hell i would give everything to feel good again tbh i don t know what test i can take anymore to shed some light in my case should i ask for an mri my parent have really got full of me i ve ripped them off by dragging them to so many appointment i ve had more than 0 since july they have to pay i can literally feel my left part of my belly pumping right now i ve tried taking laxative dulcolax for day but my constipation and thin stool turn into diarrhea and more pain i also get some sharp pain here and there that last a few second i m so afraid it s cancer tumor or leukemia or autoimmune which will make me suffer for life only the thought of it make me wan na vomit i m only 9 goddammit i think that covid might have triggered an autoimmune disease or something i guess my nerve system is really broken right now lastly my mentally healthy ha really deteriorated at this point symptom started at of july and today it s the th of march everything is a lot worse than it wa before i wake up from my sleep with panic attack i m thinking about death all the time,1
my whole life i ve dealt with the trifecta of depression anxiety and ocd i wa always functional with all disorder clocking in at maybe a 0 depression always felt like more of a chemical thing it wa never situationally based anxiety amp ocd were usually health related hypochondria i guess anyways i never knew episode existed i always just hovered at the same baseline then in 0 i had a severe panic attack after smoking some potent weed it really shook me and it sent me into what i guess would be my first episode it wa my first time experiencing dissociation and it terrified me i wa in a constant state of panic for month at the time i had been on lexapro for year my gp wa ill equipped to deal with this so she recommended a new doc for med big mistake new doc decided i should quit taking lexapro and switch to zoloft which perhaps would have worked if she had done it correctly instead of cross tapering or weaning off lexapro she decided to have me stop taking lexapro cold turkey wait a month until it wa out of my system and then start zoloft going cold turkey off lex wa a nightmare of biblical proportion and sent me further into the most intense depression and anxiety i d ever experienced after a hospital visit they suggested an outpatient program i agreed and there they got me back on the lexapro after a few more long month thing evened out i returned to a manageable baseline although the depression wa a tad higher because i could no longer self medicate with weed the experience ruined weed for me would immediately send me into panic mode but still thing were going well fast forward to january 0 and suddenly out of the blue i wake up one day super depressed no appetite couldn t sleep at night i wa so confused my first episode had a clear and obvious trigger panic attack ill advised cold turkey med change i d never had something like this happen with no trigger that s when i started to dig deeper and found out that episode exist this time i had a doc i trust added remeron which wa awesome at first felt better than i had in year wa sleeping and eating great for about 0 day then splat all that went away back to square one and i even developed tinnitus from the remeron so i nixed the remeron and we decided to switch from lexapro a well but the right way this time i did a seamless cross taper to effexor i m on my th week of it went from 0 my last day on the lexapro wa last friday which wa the day i did the increase to 0 thing have improved slightly def not where i wan na be tho i now know that episode can last anywhere from day to month or longer so i m trying to be patient it s tough tho eventually i may have to decide whether to increase effexor again or augment with something else an aa perhaps not sure what i meant to accomplish with this wall of text but if you read it kudos to you i guess i just wanted to document this strange journey maybe you ve been through something similar or know someone who ha maybe you can offer advice which i d welcome either way i hope whoever is reading this is doing well and i wish you all the best of luck in this thing called life,1
update thanks for everyone s reply s and advice i signed up to private guitar class going to the first class this saturday again i would like to thank everyone for the advice,1
i m my snap is bradenisacuck feel free to add me anyone,1
i f 0 lb think i m having heart burn right now though i m not sure at around 00 today i suddenly started getting a weird chest pain it s not severe pain more like a mild dull stabbing pain that only last in certain position if i lay a certain way the chest pain will go away however i feel the pain a little bit in my left shoulder blade just for a few second i m worrying that i m having a heart attack i know that heart burn is associated with a burning sensation i wouldn t describe the pain a burning it s now 9 pm and i am still feeling this i tried to take a tum but tum are way too gross to me and i can t stomach them are there way to differentiate between a heart attack and heart burn anxiety is convincing me that i m having a heart issue even though i just got an echocardiogram done le than a week ago and it wa normal help please i would just be safe and go to the er but that cost so much money and i ve been to the er three time this year so far because of my health anxiety they re gon na end up banning me lol i should mention that i am on metoprolol currently for high heart rate due to severe anxiety if that mean anything,1
so i m sure all of you who live with anxiety do have your good day like the bad crippling anxiety come in wave which it doe for me when it s bad my anxiety is looking for any reason to latch it s self onto and make me believe that whatever the reason is that s what make me feel like shit when i have my good day and that thought or issue come to mind i m unfazed it s really fuckn annoying and i feel like it could make me make decision that i will for sure regret why is the brain so damn powerful and why do i have to live with this year of always feeling like shit it ha ruined my quality of life i am very grateful for my family and friend and i am grateful that i ve always had a good life but man i think of all the family trip event party anything fun ruined by my anxiety and sickness that come with it i feel for everyone that ha to go through this i m sorry guy and i hope one day we can be truly happy,1
i ve been having an on and off anxiety attack since pm it s now i ve been exhausted and so tired all day but not able to sleep due to the anxiety everytime i close my eye my anxiety spike and i start freaking out even though i can barely keep my eye open i ve taken hydroxozyne in the past half hour i don t know what to do i just wan na sleep i feel like cry any advice or help,1
so i have bad anxiety and it s been over a year since i ve worked within this past week i ve gotten job interview one i went to but then after i left the place i wa so anxious i developed a migraine and i vomited in my car the second job interviewed i completely ignored and this third one this third interview which i have tomorrow is for a prep cook position but i m considering quitting that too my brain always find some reason to tell me to quit and when i ask for people advice on this job or that job the bad experience discourage me i wa looking forward to trying to be in the kitchen but people tell me it s not worth it it s 0 hour work week little pay and no benefit and plus i don t want to be a manager either i just want to do something for income that i actually kind of enjoy everyone ha something bad to say and that on top of my past horrible work experience i have zero confidence in myself or that any employee or employer i work for will be considerate and relatable and not a total asshole to work with i m a horrible waitress bc my anxiety make me forget order and sometimes forget about a table entirely yet do i want to be in a hot oily kitchen all day and be responsible for people meal it s a tough choice between misery and misery i m depressed about the 9 work week humanity ha created my goal is to grow and sell my own produce and i m a current gardener a it is and my major is agriculture any job for money seems like hell and miserable and i hate having to dedicate myself and my time to a dumb fuck slew of ceo and higher ups who only see you a a number will i ever get over this enough to get myself a job my god this is just miserable day in and day out,1
i commute to uni on tuesday and thursday i drive my car to the train station park my car and hop on the train i am a super safe yet nervous driver i never got into an accident before however i overestimated how much room i had and came in at the wrong angle i did solely paint damage to the parked vehicle next to me and a pit formed in my stomach i pulled into the spot and stayed in a crippling state of shock for 0 minute in my car i wa shaking so badly tear were coming out but i wasn t producing any sound i called the police for a non emergency and filed a report i also left an apology note with my information in it tucked tightly underneath the woman s windshield wiper i then called my insurance and waited for the owner of the vehicle to call me to make a claim report she did call me when she got into her car and i expressed how sorry i wa and how i am looking to pay for her damage she wa very understanding and kind and told me not to worry about it she wa so touched that i wa truthful and did all of those measure a a lot of people would have just hit and run without any remorse i am going to call my insurance guy tomorrow to see what we can do the paint damage can easily be buffed out and she provided me reassurance i am still in my bed sick to my stomach over this i am a broke college student who fret and who life off of my saving from summer job my course load is heavy this year so i really can not work how do i calm the hell down ha anybody ever accidentally hit someone before how did it turn out for you tldr did paint damage to a parked car this morning in my train station s parking lot attempting to catch the train to go to uni this morning left me so disgusted that i needed to stay home and miss school i just hate that i unintentionally and accidentally inflicted this on someone my car ha paint that can be buffed out too i really don t care about my car at this point,1
hey guy i wanted to throw this out there and see if any of you would be interested i m looking to start a group zoom meeting for people with anxiety depression bipolar etc it s going to be totally free we can share our story meet up once a week and just talk about how we are doing our feeling really anything to vent you can use fake or real name doesn t matter i will also be approving people to join so i make sure they are real people would anyone be interested in this i know some people can can t afford therapy so i feel like this will also be good for those who can t,1
been sat for minute listening to breathing apps and doing dare mediation it really exhausting,1
doe anyone else feel their anxiety lower when they re living in a busy home i m not sure if it s because i wa raised in a crowded home so it gave me a distraction from my worrying but now our home is about to get bigger and i m thrilled about it i always found comfort in knowing there s always someone in the house and i ll never have to be alone,1
i ve had this ever since i wa young and now that i m in my adult year i feel like i m running out of time i m still at home and i feel stuck i can t hold down a job i ve lost over job let alone my therapist keep telling me to be compassionate towards myself but it s so hard i just want to be normal be happy my panic attack are bothering me lately more than ever and idk how to help it,1
hey guy i currently need some help figuring out what to do recently i ve been feeling a lot of anxiety it started a week ago when my spring break wa ending and the night before leaving for school i started having major anxiety i am a little worried about school i guess but i know i m good with grade and will be fine till the end of the semester but still i just felt this major anxiety like an aching in my chest and couldn t sleep the whole night when i got back to school i thought everything would be fine but around or 9 pm i started getting that feeling again like i wa panicking and having a tightness in my chest that wouldn t go away i don t think i wa even thinking about anything at the time to cause it that night i didn t fall asleep till or in the morning even during the day sometimes i ll start getting that same anxious feeling but it s ha been consistently happening every night around the same time and i have trouble falling asleep i m in a good place in my life i have friend and family who care about me and i m doing well in school but i can t shake this anxiety i m having any advice would be great,1
i ve been prescribed setraline a an anti depressant but i m beginning to have serious anxiety of the side effect especially the mental one i don t want to start taking them to relieve my anxiety and depression and then become suicidal my anxiety is making me think it will happen to me and i ve read so many story of people becoming suicidal because of taking setraline is there any advice anyone can think of to alleviate my worry,1
slept for about two hour woke up with my mind racing again couldn t eat dinner due to stomach pain from anxiety just want to quit work and start somewhere new again but it s not possible and will probably end up with the same issue i just wish i could restart everyday and fix every mistake of what i say and do can t keep living this way but i don t see how i can change the cycle i feel like i bring everyone around me down why am i like this i just want to turn my brain off,1
i know i ve already started this off pretty negative but i acknowledge that over the year i ve made a lot of progress with social anxiety i do thing now that i never thought i d be able to do presentation networking event planning hosting party however every time i do any of these thing or even small thing like having to run a work meeting i feel physically anxious my heart pound and i start doubting myself and my hand shake and i have to push through it because there s not usually another option i ve gotten better at it for sure and i m proud of that but sometimes it really just chip away at me i m about to cry tonight over something so minuscule that i ll probably look back on it in a few week and say wow that wa a dumb thing to worry about because that is what always happens i ve probably wasted day of my life just worrying about thing that didn t end up being worthy of that much worry i overthink thing so much and i just wish i could turn it off so badly to so many people now i appear to be this leader that ha shit together but in reality i struggle quietly with the most basic thing and i just feel so embarrassed sometimes i just wish i could turn off the social anxiety it get so frustrating,1
hey there everyone one of my biggest symptom ha been an extremely tight chest which seems to come over randomly for about 0 0 min sometimes longer and make everything terrible i ve been trying to find some solution that can help relieve this or maybe any tip going forward nothing seems to work so far except waiting them out which ha been exceptionally hard especially in bed i also would like to mention that i have a hormone imbalance a well i m not sure if the chest tightness is from that or the anxiety or both thanks,1
guy help i really need your opinion im a person who can overthink fromca simple thing just like now i feel bad for them my terrkr teach ask my friend and it take a minute so i decided to help but she got a wrong answer and i feel bad because i give a wrong answer do you think she hate me or mad at me gmfor giving a wrong answer because our terror teacher scold her but i dont know if she is mad at me but on our gc she just commenting on how she wa scared like that and i dont know if she mad st me,1
it s tuesday evening and i haven t been able to fall asleep in a few day because i can not stop replaying a sequence of event at work from last week i talked it out with my coworkers and i know that i wa in the right there wa nothing i could have done to get a better result and it s ok everything s cool let s move forward with our life k i would love for it to be that easy but that squishy asshole between my ear ha a very different perspective on the matter so we can t move forward we haven t earned that yet we have to spend an indeterminate amount of time meticulously dismantling and examining every minute detail of the incident my action and the reaction of everyone else involved buckle up and grab a barf bag folk it s about to get real whenever i have even a tiny stretch of free time the film reel in my head alternate between warp speed and slow motion depending on circumstance and timing every minute or so my brain get the ball rolling with really all the thing you could have done and that wa how you handled it idiot followed up with whoa you ve got nothing to worry about bae you handed that shit like a champ before circling back to what the fuck is wrong with you why why would you do something so heinously ridiculous this is why nobody want to be around you this shit right here and after that we get another no don t listen to that mess you are entitled to occupy space on this planet without apoligizing for your own existence but then that s hilarious see how far that attitude get you tomorrow after everyone ha had time to think about what happened and they realize what an immature out of touch self centered asshole you are have fun dying alone and unremembered and then every few minute the pattern repeat itself in an infinite loop of madness half assed self justification and shame this can go on for day sometimes week or month but it never permanently stop sometimes a certain song a smell a facebook memory or a half heard remark from across the room will launch my as back in time to tear myself to shred over an instance that ha been dead buried and forgotten by the rest of the human race except for me lather rinse repeat go fuck yourself wave of abject misery and self loathing interspersed with flash of contentment that might occasionally brighten thing up but it never really stop or get any better the best i can really hope for is the drop off in frequency that occurs after a few week or ideally i might forget about the incident entirely until i get hit with a trigger again at least,1
what do you guy think will this finally change my life buspasfar mg day escitalopram 0mg bupropion 0,1
my anxiety affect my life but it s not debilitating for me like it is for others i get panic attack very rarely my brain is never quiet though it s always going and cycling around thought even when i m trying to let them go i see my dog and feel happy then my brain immediately say what if he died though and it show me what that would look like stupid thing like that i also have ibs that worsens with stress i guess i wa just wondering if anyone out there ha tried any med even though they can deal with their symptom and if it helped i m a bit worried about side effect but if i could just live without having to ob over thing and feel defensive all the time that would be pretty amazing i will ask my doctor of course but wanted to hear from others in my situation,1
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,1
being an adult fuckin suck lol i m just gon na say that i m and i ve been on and off homeless since i wa me and my family don t talk at all and i m ina point in my life we re i have my own home a full time job and i m doin better but sometimes it feel like i m all alone and that i should be happy in the situation i m in now i have no reason to feel depressed i think at least my fianc said she notice my change since i started working day a week 0 hour a week idk i guess i m just rambling it s just sometimes i wish i had my mom again or my sister or someone to tell me hey man i love you it s all gon na work out and give me a hug ya know life is stressful trying to be successful and independent since ha made me mature and grow in different aspect don t get me wrong but i want my family s love back i wan na feel included and not alone ya know and i m sorry if this post is irrelevant i m super anxious right now and don t know how to contain myself,1
hello if anyone listens that s okay but it s okay if not i just have to vent because i m so anxious and a little depressed i have anxiety and take medication for it recently i ve been getting interview for job that i am unsure about i m basically just applying to everything i will have a bachelor degree in education but i will not have a teaching license a i have decided i do not want to teach in a classroom student teaching wa not a good experience i have no idea what my purpose in life is i don t have much money but i used a lot of it to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring i love her more than anything i m just so terrified i ll be a failure and won t be able to support her i just want a decent paying job where my anxiety doesn t get in the way i ve gotten some offer but they are all sale position and i just don t want to work for a company that is essentially a revolving door my anxiety lately is crippling me i ate nothing yesterday today is a little better but i don t know what to do with myself i want to cry i m a year old male and i don t care i want to cry and i have i feel so far behind everyone else i just want to be a normal person i m worried my anxiety will cause me to lose everything i love in life my girlfriend is beyond supportive but i know my mental health ha had an impact on her a she is in nursing school idk why i came here i feel alone and isolated and have to vent i feel like i m dying inside im so great when my anxiety isn t there to screw it up it s like i m a shell of my self right now,1
some backstory i have crohn s disease but am currently in remission so physically and health wise i ve been doing well the combination of medication that i m on seem to be doing their job and overall i feel pretty good so over the last year and a half or so i ve developed this awful anxiety habit of being terrified that i m suddenly going to get sick and need to shit and not be able to find a bathroom when i m out and about and it s taken a toll on my everyday life i can not leave the house for work in the morning without returning the bathroom sometimes more time before i finally work up the courage to get out the door because i m terrified that somewhere along my minute commute i m going to feel the urge and not be able to get to a bathroom fast enough the thing is if i m just at home all day i likely will only have to shit probably once but if i even think about leaving the house i instantly have to go to the bathroom if i have plan i have to schedule my day around how much time im going to need to spend in the bathroom before i can leave i have to feel like i ve emptied out a much a possible before i can get in the car i don t even hang out with friend or date anybody anymore because the stress of this situation is just too much taking my kid to the beach or the park ugh if i m not 00 positive there will be a public restroom available there we aren t going and i hate that it s not only affecting me but thing like that are and will continue to affect my daughter if i don t get a grip on it soon another example of this is i have the opportunity to send her to a much better school and one of the thing that s holding me back is i m terrified of what morning drop off will look like that i don t think there s bathroom available for parent to access during those time the business around the school aren t open that early to access it start earlier so i ll have to leave earlier to drop her off thus leaving me le time to sit on the toilet before we head out etc etc it feel so stupid but to me it s so real i don t even know how to really put it all into word the anxiousness i feel about it it s such a weird thing that i don t really know how to talk to anyone about because i ve never met someone else with this kind of issue doe anyone else struggle with this i feel like i don t even remember what life felt like before i developed this weird anxiety around it my life feel like it revolves around knowing where the bathroom is sorry for the long post this wa kind of a looking for support asking for help needing to vent post thanks for reading if you got this far sorry i rambled on a bit i don t even know where to start,1
i ve been having a lot of thought of am i going crazy surely i must be going crazy i know derealization is just an anxiety symptom but i want to just hear if others experience the same thing and i m constantly worried this will result in psychosis like it s a fear that i don t want to end up in a mental hospital or go crazy,1
a friend of mine gave me feedback about something and it came off a harsh and being a sensitive person it really bothered me then i wa so upset i sobbed a few different time over the last few day then all of the sudden i called them and talked about it and told them how i felt and then i felt vibrant energetic and super enthusiastic this behavior kind of scare me should it i ve suffered from bad anxiety since i wa and i m now,1
i started therapy for the panic attack that i ve been having it s definitely helped and my therapist recommended that i d benefit from having a medication to take a needed he thought this would help me continue to push the boundary that trigger the panic and that those exposure would help resolve thing he s a sole practitioner and a lcsw i made the appointment with my regular doctor who told me that even with the therapist recommendation he wouldn t write a prescription for a controlled substance and i needed to see a psychiatrist i didn t know these drug were controlled another month pass by while i wait for the psychiatrist appointment hour and 0 later they tell me the same thing they will only prescribe something that i take every day i don t want to take daily medication and my therapist seems to think that s not the best choice i m not a doctor and am just trying to do the best i can to get better am i asking for something crazy is there a medication that isn t controlled that i could ask for or reference i m trying really hard to get out of my comfort zone and get thing back to normal both for me and for my family i feel like a drug seeker now and am embarrassed to go see another psychiatrist i m not sure what i m supposed to do next,1
doe anyone else have issue with being dizzy and light headed even feeling weak constantly i ve been this way for about week now and it just make my anxiety even worse it like a never ending death cycle,1
i woke up feeling fine earlier wa tired drank a lot of coffee and no water get home drink a few sip of water and take a nap woke up with dryish throat this dude wa coughing at work tho not coworker and i wa gon na ask him to cover his damn mouth could he have gotten me sick unless i need more water,1
i m really desperate i m a yr old guy with no job even if i graduated from college no girlfriend never kissed or hugged a girl in my life no real friend most of them are toxic amp manipulative nothing special about me i don t know if i m pretty or ugly smart or dumber i m so confused about my self image it s like i live in hell get rejected by ton of girl ton of job offer i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser i m too nice too shy always extremely anxious and stressful dealing with brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good about me maybe i m only good at math amp coding i can t hold a good conversation with anyone only with my mom amp my brother i feel kinda confident speaking and it s been a while i m depressed living with a dark mood i feel like i m a loser amp i can do nothing i can t even go to gym practice favorite hobby or enjoying any movie youtube video video game etc i don t know what to do with my life i only think about option therapy ending my life sorry for my english it s not my native langage,1
hi i suffer from mild anxiety not many physical symptom anybody ha tip to deal with anxiety that aren t in the stay positive realm usually the help i find online is about staying positive however that is not my mindset i think life is not meant to be positive always and i genuinely believe it s bad for mental health to try and see the bright side of any situation negative feeling are just meant to be lived thru at the same time i know my brain lie to me about people disliking me about sounding like a fool about my future the most tricky part is that i also can t stop thinking about the truly awful stuff mostly about the world being a terrible place the stay positive people can not tell me the bright side of my shoe being made thru human exploitation in a remote country you know how can i be happy knowing there s all this pain in the world,1
i ve been pretty bloated the past few day happens a lot working on finding out the cause whenever i eat a meal my belly boost up and my heart rate sits at like 0 for around half an hour until thing start to deflate i m currently in the hospital for a completely unrelated surgical stay and it make my anxiety even worse because to the nurse it look worrying i think most of them have realized it s not an actual heart issue it happens so often and i ve had many ecg that were fine it doesn t help that having my pulse tested also cause my right to shoot up just hoping to hear i m not alone i guess haha,1
a month ago my friend group dropped me because the past few month have been tiring after a situation that involved my crush i kept bothering them about it and it wa just not the same after that i understand where they where coming from though a of right now we re just mutuals we talk in class sometimes and wave to each other in the hallway and smile no drama or anything happened but one person kinda told everyone we ended on good term which im glad happened now i hang out with my other friend we are a trio and we have each other s back nothing is awkward we just vibe with each other let call them em and ki ki is a very friendly person if one of u ha a dislike towards someone she would still talk to them cause shes good with them and they have no drama yesterday ki wa invited to lunch by my ex friend they have been talking and getting closer today in the corner of my eye i see them playing imessage game and just texting each other honestly im just worried that shell hang out with them more often and ill be alone for lunch i am not in charge of who she hang out with i don t mind at all if they re friend she said that our friend group is kind of her main lunch friend group so we hang out like most of the time she said if my ex friend kept inviting her she would probably go maybe a few time i honestly don t know why im worried im overthinking and stressing out a lot right now ive always been like this im afraid to be alone,1
a couple week ago i contracted covid and got it pretty bad for a few day there it caused a big flare up of anxiety for me a i am a heavy cannabis and nicotine smoker and i couldn t give them up while dealing with covid and inevitably the smoking made it worse and played into my anxiety for background i have been managing anxiety fairly well for the past or year with habitual cannabis smoking but sometime in the week i had covid a switch wa flicked and smoking instantly made me more anxious i went to the doctor and have been prescribed seroquel in the morning and evening same with diazepam plus zoloft in the morning i m wondering if this sound like the proper response to deal with this flare up or do you think my doctor is going down the wrong path he doe know my history with anxiety and explained the mechanic of dealing with the anxiety first and then dealing with smoking and told me that i should keep on smoking even though it put me in a vicious cycle so a to not have to deal with withdrawal at the same time a the anxiety he booked me an appointment for two week time to review how thing are working but made no mention of referring me to anything external or anything to do with cbt,1
my dad life 000 mile away from me a well a the rest of my family he s an alcoholic kind of emotional abusive and kicked me out when i wa after my mom died he said some pretty horrible thing to me when he did that but i ve blocked them out so i don t remember really he doesn t really reach out very much due to being blackout drunk off and on a lot but when he doe i get so anxious to answer his call that i don t do it and i just text him instead or don t answer i m worried it make him sad and drink more my sister ha said in the past he resents that i left them back home and moved on with my life i already feel guilty about leaving them my younger sibling so that hurt to hear it s not just my dad though i don t keep up with my grandparent anymore i m worried they re going to die they re kind of old and i m going to regret not talking to them more often mostly my grandma i regret not spending more time with my mom i have multiple younger sibling one of which is underage and ha autism i feel guilty that i don t call them brother and sister and worry that they resent me for leaving and i don t understand why it s so hard for me to just pick up the phone once a week and call these people the only person i talk to often is my sister what is wrong with me why is it so hard scary anxious for me to talk to them yet i feel so guilty by not doing so it s very tiring i know i need to go to therapy but i don t have insurance and can t really afford it also i don t keep in touch with friend which make me sad since my only friend is my partner really i am very family oriented and i love spending time with my sibling when i visit,1
so i have a disabling chronic illness last year i went through some pretty severe stuff almost starved to death because my stomach doesn t work properly and won t digest food had to be hospitalized and have a permenant feeding tube placed etc that s just backstory that might be relevant but honestly i m not sure i have this overwhelming anxiety any time anything slightly untword happens to my partner it s particularly unmanageable when it come to them feeling physically unwell i have no idea why this happens it s something i ve experienced in other very close relationship a well but it s not everyone not even everyone i care very deeply about it s super weird and i have no idea where it s coming from but i need it to stop because i want to be supportive and i can t do that if my partner know i m fighting down a lot of anxiety just to talk about them feeling like they might be coming down with a tiny cold the anxiety can even bleed into feeling of anger or frustration which i hate even more because who get angry about something like that am i just a bad person how do i cope with this in a way that doesn t negate their experience by requiring them to constantly tell me nothing is wrong or that everything is fine but also not going off the deep end and feeling crazy with fear just because they might be experiencing discomfort,1
i read about someone who couldn t stop thinking about breathing and other people who were stuck manual breathing which terrifies me i have massive chronic health ptsd now i m constantly thinking about it and i don t think i breath correctly when i manual breath which make me short of breath and lightheaded and drive my anxiety higher when i get distracted i pop out of it really can only get distracted at work sometimes it get better but then when somehow i remember it just go right back to bad breathing please any tip,1
i m a y o man who is extremely active and an amateur power lifter i wa getting very strong in the gym and i looked forward to it everyday i had an incident with a crazy strong panic attack last december and i wa out of the gym for month while they did test on my heart just to rule out that it wasn t anything serious i ve been back in the gym for a while now and i m getting my strength back but the anxiety isn t going away at all i ve started heavily focusing on my heartbeat and when it go up i freak obviously in the gym this will happen but i keep associating it with a medical emergency any advice on how to help get over this so i can get back to the pastime i love in full force,1
i feel like this is a flawed perspective i m having but sometimes it s hard to take the day off like to just relax and lay in bed for a day without guilt that can be hard for me but i feel like in a way im making it hard for myself by putting so much thought into it rather then actually just doing it,1
ive been out of work for about a year and tomorrow i have my first hour shift i have to be on my foot for most of the day and am still in the process of learning what i need to do and the worst part is i will be there alone for the last hour of my shift im super anxious about this a i haven t worked an hour shift in a year or more and i wasn t super good at handling them back then either any tip for getting through longer shift with anxiety and fear of failing or getting in trouble somehow,1
so i got my mirena removed last month on the th because of it having a bad effect on my mental health i had it in for a little over year i knew getting it out id probably experience the mirena crash i wa fine up until today when i got my first period i ve had very intense anxiety depression all day today to the point where i can t even leave my house i m guessing it s the shift in hormone and everything considering it s been 0 year since i ve been birth control free did anyone else experience this super low mood after removal i ve also just been feeling very out of body today and very exhausted,1
i m having a severe anxiety episode right now i can t focus i feel like i m going crazy and like i m going to pas out please help,1
i guess i just need to vent too i m a timid and shy person with social anxiety i m afraid of what people think of me i m afraid of being judged negatively i m afraid of being rejected im afraid of taking my mask off in class in fear of catfishing today i didn t have my mask on for a split second and went to the bathroom to throw something away i see classmate and i immediately froze and walked out before they could even say hi they probably think i hate them now i couldn t even think it s like my body moved itself i did take my mask off without thinking once and the lady complimented me on how pretty i wa i wa so shocked i know i m not ugly and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but i still can t help but feel ugly i m afraid of speaking up and asking question i cant make eye contact with people bc i m scared i might see disgust in their eye i m scared of applying for certain job bc i m afraid i won t be able to do it so i settle for the easiest and worst retail job im afraid for my career in design bc i feel like i won t be able to sell myself to people im afraid of talking to people bc i ll stumble over my word i m afraid of falling in love for fear of being left and if i do fall in love it ll turn into obsession and infatuation from fear of them leaving cheating growing up i ve had to deal with domestic abuse violence when it came to my parent my father wa quite the bully always saying i couldn t do anything hell that man ha never said a nice thing in his life in middle school i ve dealt with rejection and it wa quite painful and other teen asking me out a a joke i spent the rest of highschool in online school so i never really got to experience that vital part of life i ve been in therapy for year on and off but it just didn t work for me talking about my shitfuck dad all day doesnt help with my fear how can i stop this fear that ha taken over my life,1
i ve been woth my boyfriend for two year now but i ve known him for he get triggered fairly fast and he end up feeling anxious for hour or he get very intense anxiety attack where he can t breathe well and he start cry uncontrollably the first thing i used to do when i sense that he s getting anxious wa give him a hug or even just hold his hand physical touch seemed to help him so much it immediately calmed him down and he would be able to talk about what wa making him feel scared or overwhelmed or threatened however we re now in a long distance relationship and i haven t seen him in a year it s very difficult for both of u but this specifically make it unbearable at time we both know that we ll see each other soon but saying that doesn t help when he s anxious what should i do,1
asking because i m not sure and it just happened yesterday so the memory is still fresh from what i ve learned panic attack can make people genuinely believe they re dying or like their throat is closing up but i don t get that feeling for me i feel like i can t get enough air and that every time i have to take a deep breath but taking slow breath is really hard and near impossible sometimes and when i do try to breathe normal or deep breath i get dizzy like the act of taking in the air make my head spin causing me to feel more uncomfortable and disoriented i ll also get racing thought centered around how people interact with me will want to talk to me have spoken to me how i m a failure how people would be better off not knowing me how i ve fucked up in the past and so on when i get those thought it get really hard to slow them down and breathe yesterday when it happened i wa literally just in bed hugging my pillow really tightly because of the stress trying to focus on the music but it took roughly 0min 0min before i fully calmed down is this normal is this a panic attack or something else even though i didn t believe i wa dying or felt like my throat wa closing up if this is a panic attack how the fuck am i supposed to stop it or help it deep breath don t help meditation make it a thousand time worse trying grounding technique make it worse too knowing i don t have trick to end it make me feel worse during it,1
for the past few day i ve been dealing with extreme bout of anxiety i feel anxious all day nausea all day and i cant seem to stop thinking about negative thought i ve been dealing with a lot of ups and down regarding school and romantic relationship i keep skipping school because my anxiety is way too high i dont know how to calm it down i want to see a psychologist but right now it very hard to get to see one so i ll need all any advice you have thank you,1
nothing freak me out more then when i get that stabbing pain in my chest i m it s my anxiety all my test are good i am healthy dr said many i have inflammation in my chest but reading in here that other people get chest pain to helped me pea together that it s my anxiety i ve had anxiety my whole like started getting medicine for it year ago med work at first then stop i just took a fast acting pill bc the anxiety wa so bad it s hard to focus but i try and distracted myself by reading i just want a normal day,1
so earlier i wa on a run and some kid were playing football behind me one of them accidentally kicked the ball in my direction i could hear him getting closer behind me and i had a sort of intrusive worry that he might kick the ball at me or something a soon a i stopped worrying about it i realised how irrational it wa but i then started to worry that it wa seemingly a paranoid thought and could be a sign of my mental health getting worse can anyone relate to thought similar to this,1
i had a panic attack on my way to a meditation group because i wa heavily triggered today i wa so embarrassed i wa driving and my husband wa in the passenger seat and i almost crashed the car i am so ashamed of myself and i feel so helpless i feel like im getting worse even though i m fighting so hard to get better i started therapy and i began this mediation group and still im sinking deeper and deeper because i wa triggered i feel like i hate myself and i just want to give up,1
hello im currently and ive only ever driven on the freeway once wa on for like a minute before i got scared and got off if for any reason i have to use it i ask a friend to take me or i get an uber instead driving in general ha always been scary for me but the freeway is the bane of my existence i feel like at my age it becoming a problem plus it just kind of embarrassing to admit to other people my age haha especially if im asking for a ride if anyone else ha had this problem please let me know what you did to overcome it thank you,1
my girlfriend ha suffered some serious trauma in the past and suffers from pretty serious anxiety and sometimes depression now she also ha a problem where when she go out with friend she always black out and then feel very anxious and depressed for multiple day after she blacked out again last night after assuring me she wouldn t even drink and now say that sometimes she doesn t know if i m real or if she s real i just don t know how to handle this a it s become a huge burden on our relationship and i m especially concerned now that she mentioned these symptom of depersonalization,1
so i have struggled with anxiety and depression due to complex ptsd since i wa young i f went to counseling for year in my teen and also medically managed my disorder with medication i am still taking a hefty dose of an ssri and have been maintaining my anxiety and depression fairly well while going through college transitioning to adulthood i recently in the past day have started having uncontrollable anxiety that ha led into the worst panic attack i ve had in over 0 year i wa so worked up that i brought myself to the er for help because i wa so scared and eventually exhausted myself out in the waiting room i m am still having serious anxiety and have managed to be functional but with how high my anxiety level are i could be back in the state i wa yesterday and i don t want to do that my current plan is to set myself up with a new therapist to get help and to discus my medication with my doctor unfortunately that can t happen overnight so i m the meantime i am asking for your advice on coping mechanism way to calm yourself down or out of a panic attack i normally use rational thought to try and bring myself down walking outside will help a bit deep breathes listening to music meditation etc these haven t been working recently and i m looking to learn amp find newer tactic in the short term while finding professional help i know that what is triggering this is a large life transition coming up and it s not something that s going away any time soon so i can t just avoid it to reduce my anxiety thank you,1
i worry a lot about thing like getting into a car crash getting cancer and just anything bad happening to me any advice on hot to stop this it s bad,1
but i still look at them everyday and overthink for hour,1
thinking of starting it i have bad anxiety and think i have situational depression what s everyone s favorite medication and why i m nervous to start something for fear i ll gain weight or lose my sex drive something that doesn t usually cause that would be ideal,1
i am year old junior in college i have multiple problem that i need to address to start i have gotten carried away with smoking weed i have been using it almost everyday since i wa and i can no longer control it im always buying it when i can t always afford it i spend a good amount of my time at home smoking weed or using thc product i have also been drinking a lot more than i used to and i have even picked up a nicotine habit from my friend i am not doing a well in school a i should be and i really need to be more proactive and motivated but i feel no motivation some day to even do anything school related i havent been eating well a lot of day been eating a lot of fast food and skipping meal some day there are night where i barely get enough sleep because i end up staying up most of the night being on my phone watching tv or playing video game i have set goal for myself that i want to workout more build myself up and eat better but i never stick to them i feel very anxious and depressed a lot of the time with the only relief i have felt come from hanging out and talking with friend i have some really great friend that i am very close with and a wonderful family that would do anything for me but i can t help but feel alone i feel a great need for companionship and i have been trying to get into a relationship for a long time going from one person to the next but nothing ever becoming of it and we become stranger again it ha taken away a lot of my energy and exhausted my motivation and drive me further into my loneliness and add to my anxiety i have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past several month talking and going out with multiple girl not at the same time and it ending the same i just feel a void in my life some day and lately i have been spending a lot of time around friend to try and fill that void more than i usually do which could also contribute to me spending le time on school and a lot of other important thing i have barely been home in the past week because i wa with friend i feel completely empty and hopeless somedays and feel like my life is over i see others living their best life exciting thing happening having opportunity connection with others is just natural to them and just having a great time with life and then there s me who wish i could be that way but i know i am different than them and no one will ever see me like that i will always be by myself wherever i go and i used to be such a happy child excited for life not afraid to dream big and wonder about the future and just live in the moment but thing happened that turned me into what i am today i feel like a shell of who i could have been and that my younger self would be dissapointed in me i wish i could go back to when i wa about and not taken it for granted and go through life again with what i know now some day i really do not like the person i am turning into i do not thing that i am doing what s best for myself mentally physically and emotionally i feel like i m on a treadmill walking through life but not actually getting anywhere while watching everyone else pas me by i really need to break out of this mindset and change my life around if i am going to survive in this world and live the good and happy life that i always wanted and not a wasted life,1
for context im a 0 year old over all physically healthy person i wa diagnosed with bipolar ii when i wa i have never been medicated other than the first month of my diagnosis i quit taking the medicine after that month now a day i am pretty confident in my ability to control my bipolar tendency i know my body warning sign for mania a well a for the low i know how to be proactive and aware of my situation despite all of this i have begun having panic attack i have made an appointment with my doctor so i can discus all of my medical worry and to hopefully weed out any physical issue i may be experiencing the first time i had what i think is a panic attack wa back in september i wa in nashville with some friend for the weekend and on one of our day i actually collapsed in a cafe after feeling extreme nausea dizziness and anxiety up until recently i thought it may have something to do with me being malnourished or dehydrated now im not too sure the second one that come to mind is when i wa snowboarding back in february and ended up almost collapsing in the middle of the day vision and nausea were terrible my most recent one wa yesterday simply sitting at a red light in an intersection what started with me feeling nervous about being nausea quickly spiraled into me feeling dizzy and panicky again and of course the cry is uncontrollable i guess im just now wondering if i am sick or if all of this is panic i am scared i am worried i have a trip coming up later this year where i will be flying and i do not want to panic at the airport or hour from home i think i need advice and insight sending my love to all of those struggling with this terrible terrible problem im very thankful for any advice anyone may have,1
i keep having anxiety in the shower sometimes i can manage through but i had to shave and take a little extra time my usual anxious thought about a million way to die i swear i could have written the script to the movie and why i m terrified of the unkniwn waved over me and i pushed through the shower a fast a i could got out and instantly took a full pill of my clonazepam mg now i m sitting here about minute later still half anxious struggling to even right this a my brain is going into shut down mode i still have to make dinner but my husband may be tasked with it tonight which i know he won t complain or think anything of it but it make me feel like a bad wife i went almost month with little to no anxiety until about week ago and now i feel like i m right back to where i wa it s been two year and i m so ungodly tired of this i m tired of being good for a couple year then being thrown back into anxiety panic attack i m tired of deciding that not feeling at all is better than participating in living c,1
not sure if anyone else ha this issue it seems like notification and txts give me major anxiety i ll put off responding to anyone including family and then it just becomes this mountain in my mind to the point where it s been a month since my family texted me for my birthday and i still haven t responded to most of them this ha destroyed friendship for me too i feel like we all have to be available to text back with smartphones and social medium and i can not deal with that doe anyone have any suggestion to help i just feel lost,1
i don t know how i can feel this horrible and unable to breathe so badly and this only be anxiety i genuinely feel like i m going to pas out and i have nothing to be anxious about is this really what anxiety feel like i can t take a deep breath this is so awful,1
i haven t had a set therapist for a year now and a much a i want to find a new one i am too scared to do so my insomnia is on the rise again and i really want someone to talk to about it my school ha an off site database for therapist that i can talk to but i guess i am just too afraid to do it i question whether they d be suitable for my case or not anxious about their technique and if i will have the same connection with them just like my previous therapist i had my previous therapist for year and it took me a year to finally open up i want to do it but i am too afraid if i don t like them i feel like i would just stay because i would not have the courage to leave,1
i ve been going to therapy on and off for year to help me with anxiety depression and difficult life event i m trying to learn tool on my own to educate myself i m aware of self care and coping strategy but i m having a hard time with self awareness of my own anxiety symptom and trigger doe anyone recommend any resource to learn in this area thank you,1
i ve been going to therapy on and off for year to help me with anxiety depression and difficult life event i m trying to learn tool on my own to educate myself i m aware of self care and coping strategy but i m having a hard time with self awareness of my own anxiety symptom and trigger doe anyone recommend any resource to learn in this area thank you,1
i wa at work today and suddenly felt really really sleepy for no reason i do feel sleepy sometimes but this wa like extreme sleepiness brain fog ish feeling that i haven t experienced at all which of course made me little bit anxious luckily my ha is more manageable now a i know how to handle it the sleepiness fatigue lasted for like 0 0 min and then i wa fine when i got home i m yo healthy male and the only thing i suffer from is pollen allergy p wa really proud of myself that i didn t panic at that moment cuz i would definitely panicked when my ha wa really bad,1
convinced myself when i take it in they will be annoyed at me and judge me for it not working nothing physically broken that i can see really just need someone to tell me not to overthink it if you re retail yourself that s a bonus,1
hi i 9f just applied to become the disability rep for one of the society at my uni this is kind of a big deal for me since i ve never really interacted outside of the bubble of maybe 0 people in total of my year and did not visit any of the society meetups but with the way the application are looking they re letting just about anyone in several people who happen to be my friend are also applying for other position and i know it might just be our little bubble but i am so very proud of myself for doing something i have never done before i got diagnosed with anxiety and depression just very recently and i had to take the rest of the year off from uni so yeah this is a big thing for me omg,1
so basically we re getting evicted we have like a month or to move out and we found a house we wanted but we haven t gotten the application for the house i m for some context so i could obviously live with my dad for a while but i m scared thing won t workout and we won t get the house or our landlord will say something bad about u so we can t get the house or we ll lose money my anxiety and worry about this is really bad and i don t wan na talk to my mom about my worry because i feel like she s stressed enough,1
so my psych put me on klonopin to take for the one i have at night and upped my dose of lexapro i don t have particular trigger the attack just happen anywhere and at anytime so if klonopin is an a needed short term medicine i don t know if it s going to help me in the long run if my attack don t stop ha this med ever helped you and what else do you take do that help you,1
how doe your anxiety manifest itself when you are having severe anxiety,1
hi all me again i ve f experienced a barrage of unfavorable stressful event since the beginning of 0 this ha created a constant baseline of lingering anxiety it s not subtle i am no longer able to function normally due to the chronic flight or fight response physical symptom include sweating tight chest and a pumping stomach adrenaline overload i can t perform simple task without losing my breath sleep is important to me yet i have an overhanging feeling of dread when going to bed sometimes i can sleep smoothly other time it s a war my main form of peace and solace ha become my enemy my doctor recommended i start on lexapro again – something that i had taken during my college day to cope with severe test anxiety by day it created a serotonin fueled brain overload my symptom intensified by a magnitude of 00 i wa unable to sleep for hour it caused me to pas out at work and chat with onsite medic my psychiatrist told me to stop the lexapro i wa instead given 0 mg propranolol taken twice daily and 0 mg hydroxyzine to help me fall asleep i wa also given 0 mg trazodone to knock myself out if needed but i only felt that i had to take this the first night to force reboot my body wa terrified of going into psychosis if i went another night with zero sleep i m at a loss everything is hard i m seeing a therapist to cope i m scared of losing my job it s physically and intellectually demanding but brain machine broke and i m unable to properly focus i m scared of having to move all the way back home because of my instability i often find myself wondering if this is a life worth living it doesn t help that i live alone in the middle of nowhere i ll use this thread to update my progress i know lot of folk are going through this keeping people informed of treatment and whatnot that may help them in turn is one of the small piece of hope that i m holding onto during these uncertain time much love thetipsyalchemist,1
i ve lost over at least job because of my mental illness maybe i should just focus on counseling and my medication for now and stop pushing myself to take job that i m clearly not ready for i m 9 year old and i can t even keep a job i feel like a complete waste of time and energy please someone tell me that it s gon na be ok and that i m doing the right thing should i just quit or should i keep fighting for the job i dunno,1
i m feeling so bad i can t function anymore and will probably be hospitalised but i got a message from a teacher saying i wa missing too many class and referring me to the school s psychologist what can i do,1
i m i want to look for a job that would be good for someone with anxiety i struggle with anxiety which isn t even bad it s the symptom like blushing and sweating that i absolutely hate i feel like right now it s easy to find a job but i m just worried about it making my anxiety symptom worse and people noticing,1
hello all i m getting married in a few month and my anxiety is at an all time high i love my fiance he s kind caring supportive and so much more but i am freaking out about taking a big step i wa married previously and it didn t work out i know this time is different but i can t help but to be nervous about the whole thing i love hom so much and i can t picture my life without him i want it to work any advice on how to deal with anxiety and unpleasant feeling thanks,1
i have a friend in another country who ha no one to turn to and is battling anorexia otherwise alone for the past month she s in a bad and worsening physical and mental state low key suicidal but ha the option of a stay in a treatment clinic however she s scared and ha all these reservation about going it s in a different city a train ride away for one thing she s an adult and there s no one who is able to arrange it for her i can t do it or i would family being no help no friend around her either this is new territory for me i m learning a much a i can about this illness but i don t know how to proceed here i want to urge her to make the phonecall all the time but i don t want her to feel pressured and shut down i m scared to even ask her if she s done it yet she talk about feeling worthless and undeserving of treament she question whether she s even that thin she is along with a bunch of other symptom she s a textbook case and she talk like she s ready to give up even though help is within reach what do i do,1
idk who need to hear this but im really proud of you and you should be of yourself too recently i said that to someone and she said i m proud of myself too and idk how to explain you guy but it really blown my mind like i take myself for granted but we need to understand how much we are doing and living despite having this anxiety i wasn t able to tell my friend about my struggle because im not strong enough to let the people in my life know of my struggle but still i feel proud of myself yes it get messy but we are doing our best and should be proud of ourselves,1
feel annoying like gaslight to me since i wa born i just like to do thing alone but recently i went to see a lot of doctor for a thing that happened to me and all of them did not helped they said i only had anxiety and i needed therapy they did not cure my infection fortunately i had a last doctor that heard me and believed and wanted to help after year ha passed this is annoying my mother also since i wa born spent 0 000 eur on therapy because she believed i had social anxiety because i did not wanted to go to school i wanted to work at a young age so she though wa something wrong with me i am a very calm person if i do not like to talk about tik tok dance that is not my problem,1
i wa scrolling around and read up on brain aneurysm and im terrified of having one now i saw a headache wa a sign and i read that while having one it not severe but still now im on the brink of cry and i wan na ask my parent for a check up because of this anxiety but i know they aren t willing to do it can someone offer some relief,1
last week i went on a spring break trip it wa fun but triggered a lot of anxiety in me i took a 0 mg edible gummy when i returned home from spring break i m new to the gummy world so it somehow hit me way harder than any other time i ve taken them the next day i still felt high which i ve noticed ha been normal for me when i take the gummies i felt off though like i had been drugged or something i slept the rest of the day to try and get it to wear off the next day i wa concerned i wasn t back to normal i felt like i wa dreaming i kept telling my boyfriend and family something wasn t right with my head and something wa wrong with my mind it wa scary for me i already get bad thought occasionally so i wa worried i would do something bad i couldn t feel anything taste anything or smell anything i literally slept the entire day and the next day i m only just now feeling more myself but i will go into these zone where i lose track of time am having trouble forming word and can t think clearly i skipped school on monday because i started to panic and cry my dad wa going to take me to a doctor on monday and i started cry and told him to call my boyfriend to bring me back home i went to see my doctor yesterday and am talking with a psychiatrist it s really scary can anyone who s experienced talk to me about this,1
i m hoping this inspires some of you i have suffered from anxiety disorder my whole life i remember when my family would take small trip and i would be so anxious i wouldn t eat the whole trip they always worried about me i also wouldn t eat when we went out because i wa worried i would puke it finally got so bad in my late 0 that i went to the er with a terrible panic attack and finally saw a therapist i wa also put on sertraline i now feel like i have a good handle on my anxiety about month ago after almost year i weaned off the sertraline still not sure if that will last i may have to be on it forever but so far so good even now a i am typing i am having some anxiety that ha come out of nowhere but i know i will be fine i can go week now without any anxiety i used to even wake up in a cold sweat panic attack before traveling shaking and vomiting i would be so stressed out i would think about an event that i know would trigger it for week before hand i would dry heave shake sweat and feel sick to my stomach just thinking about getting stuck in traffic but i have over come a lot of it even traveled to other country and been able to actually relax while on vacation i wanted to post this in hope that it can make someone else feel like they are not alone because i always felt so alone when i suffered i felt like there wa something so wrong with me and i hated myself but now i accept my anxiety my best advice is don t let it win don t let it keep you from doing thing you love and remember your anxiety is wrong you can do thing nothing bad is going to happen and if something bad doe happen you will be able to handle it,1
my anxiety come with irritability avoidance of others impatience low frustration tolerance sleep issue restlessness and all sort of strange worry but the thing that really annoys the fuck out of me is the constant tight feeling in my head neck and chest anyone else feel this way,1
tw terrorism death amp x 00b i f australia have crippling anxiety surrounding flying and i really want to figure out how to deal with it i didn t know the root cause of this fear until i wa about or so when i wa having a conversation with my parent during this conversation they casually brought up the fact that they had let me watch 9 on the news i wa at the time including all the footage of the moment the plane hit the twin tower people jumping out the recording of people saying goodbye to their loved one and so on for two week after apparently all i would say wa plane go boom despite not remembering any of this it check out a i ve always had a very deep seeded fear of flying for a long a i can remember and i wa clearly just a tad traumatised by this i do remember being a child and always cry in not wanting to go on family holiday because i wa convinced there were bomb on the plane and would be looking under my seat and so on searching the last time i went on a plane wa when i wa for a family holiday where i wa admittedly a massive brat and refused to do any of the activity during the week because i wa so upset that i wa being forced to take mere domestic flight and just wanted to go home because of my ability to now refuse to step on a plane a an adult i have only been to two other country near australia which were all during my childhood it is not lost on me that this is still a very very very privileged position to be in and that there are far worse thing in life than not being well travelled however i would really like to get over my fear of flying because since it is impeding on my life for me my biggest hang up over flying is perhaps the lack of control associated with it i m at the whim of the pilot and the plane i know statistically i m more likely to die in just about any other way but i think what make me not have a crippling phobia of anything else is that i probably delude myself into thinking i have more control in those other situation eg if i get into a train crash or something i have more of a chance of surviving by kicking a window out or someone else dragging me out and often activity like driving are just necessary for going about daily life so i can justify the risk however flying isn t some absolute necessity so i have a far harder time justifying it and am completely distraught over the idea of dying just because i wanted to go on some silly holiday i wa intending to do some travel this year since i ve graduated university and thought i had managed my fear i am supremely grateful that money isn t an issue for me so i m more than happy to spend more on flight with safe airline like qantas for me not to have a complete breakdown mid flight and figured a lot of my anxiety could hopefully be managed through that but the latest china eastern situation ha sent me into a spiral and i m not doing great obviously can t compare it to what the poor victim and their loved one are experiencing i tried to stay away from it but i accidentally saw the still of the plane vertically diving and i nearly threw up i had quite similar reaction to other plane crash in my lifetime and they completely derail my life for week afterwards because i get so upset from it i apologise for how long this post is just a bit of a mess at the moment and have achieved absolutely nothing today except writing this post i m just not really sure where to go from here but am open to any suggestion thank you so much for your comment in advance i genuinely really appreciate it,1
hey everyone im currently taking wellbutrin and buspirone buspar for depression and anxiety they re both atypical med because i am afraid of the side effect of ssri like loss of libido just so happens that both the med im on currently are supposed to help with libido counteract negative sexual side effect of ssri the thing is i do have a high libido but my anxiety is off the chart and im still pretty depressed psychiatrist want to put me on lexapro along with sticking with my current med i know it would very likely help with depression anxiety but im still worried about the side effect my question i guess is if you have a high libido to begin with but anxiety and intrusive ruminating thought is the main problem what are the odds that lexapro wouldn t negatively impact my libido at all maybe even increase it because it lower my anxiety and depression especially given that my current med are supposed to help with that thanks for reading,1
potentially triggering for panic attack and urinary issue my anxiety is usually high right when i try to get to sleep and my mind is undistracted and lately i feel the need to pee a lot when trying to doze off though it s more often than not only very small amount or none at all one night before a big event i never slept at all and got up every few minute sometimes there wa nothing but most of the time there wa a very small amount doe anyone else experience this i struggle to narrow down the cause a it doesn t really happen during the day though i spent my last job interview paranoid i wa going to have an attack and or pee myself during it after getting no sleep the night before i ve also lost my fitness and don t always eat well but i m not massively out of shape or anything,1
doe anyone else have like anxiety tic for lack of a better word and if there is a better word please let me know i think one of mine is picking at my split end sometimes i do it when i m bored but i know when i m anxious i ll just grab a bit of hair and pull at the split end to get them off i don t pull out my hair just the split end if they come off if they don t i don t keep pulling but is that normal for anxiety lol just curious,1
i won t be able to start college until september so i ll be at home doing nothing till then so a job would be great right but i can t get past the interview i have a panic attack every time i try i just fed so unless i sit at home doing nothing every single day ugh any advice would be great,1
so many thing from my childhood i haven t gotten over because i never addressed them and i ve just been so emotional i don t really have anyone to talk to or turn to and time like these i wish i could just have a hug and know that i am loved by someone my anxiety is getting unbearable and the ocd is getting worse i am an adult now but my mind still doesn t feel developed i think i had a lot of comprehension issue when i wa a child and they never got resolved so now i m an adult and i can t understand simple thing because i overthink or i can t focus on what s being said it s caused me a lot of frustration i just started a a cashier today and my anxiety wa through the roof i don t get thing fast like everyone else it s like some part of my brain are active and the other part are just dead or foggy that s how i ve felt my whole life and looking back at how i handled school work it wa so obvious i probably had adhd or something but in my family it wa looked at a bad to be anything besides normal so i could play my disability off well and just pretend but because of that it s catching up to me in my adult life i really just want to vent to someone because i honestly have no one to talk to i don t even know if this is the right thread but i just have no one,1
we have avoided it the past two year but just now she showed me her lateral flow test and it looked positive i m worried about getting it i ve been with her most of the day this is my worst nightmare and i don t know what to do last week i did feel extremely fatigued but i chalked it up to my chronic illness i m worried about my mum a well a she ha asthma please if anyone can reassure me that i won t or might not get it or any reassurance would be great thank you,1
i used to joke that he doesn t remember what my name is but it s not funny anymore it actually kind of hurt we ve been together for year and he never call me by my name or even a pet name ever if he need me to come he doesn t shout from the other room babe jill love etc please come here he come to me and just say i need you to come for a sec i ve expressed my hurt several time he just say he feel way too awkward using name on people directly and us an excuse that his parent never use their name between them either not true i told him he should make an effort at least for me but he just stay silent and never doe i thought of dropping this subject at some point because i love him bu then i got super pissed off like i m not asking him to do a headstand every time i enter the room i just want him to call me something nice i am also a severely anxious person but i go to therapy and he doesn t want to any idea,1
so i recently moved to a state 000 mile away from my home with my parent even though there wa no point in it i m and this isn t just the right place for me and there s nothing i can do about it all my family member who lived here convinced my parent to move over here cause apparently it s better when i m here my anxiety ha gone up by a lot i can t even sit still in peace after getting into a fight like my mind constantly telling me we need to go back home i never got along with others in public and got into fight at school already did drug and a lot of stuff like that my parent think this is the best environment and i m still acting like this and they never listen to me i m having a talk with my therapist in a few day do you think they could convince my parent that this isn t a good place for me and recommend u to move out of the state for better mental health for me mentally and emotionally because i just do not belong here i wa so much better a a person in my hometown now i can t even tell if this is me i even have done drug here for the first time and yet my parent family think i m the problem not the environment what can i do,1
i m not sure if this is the right subreddit to put this in but this ha been ruining my self esteem for a while i m a senior in highschool and i m super hyper aware of my presence and reputation i try not to stand out too much but at the same time i m not some random face in the background i do all of this because i despise the word weird i hate being called weird or anything like it it make me feel like absolute garbage and want to erase my existence from the earth this is most likely since i wa bullied pretty decently in middle school so all through highschool i wa dedicated to being seen a normal or at least not on the bottom rank if that make any sense if i ever do anything that seems out of place or too extroverted i really almost cry since whenever i bring attention to myself it end up feeling super cringey and on the spot it s like i can t escape it like wherever i go and and whoever i meet they re all going to think that i m weird,1
we re back after spring break during st period i had a panic attack and had to leave i feel defeated like i might a well not go back didn t put on a big show or anything just random stage fright out of nowhere going back tomorrow and wondering if the same thing will happen i knew i wa having a panic attack but didn t try to work through embrace it going to try harder tomorrow just feel like a loser that i couldn t handle it today very unprofessional,1
i m terrified i ve given it to her and i m also terrified about being stuck in isolation in my room my anxiety is through the roof i stupidly started reading about all the horrible symptom of covid and it s making me feel so freaked out i really don t know what to do i feel like my anxiety is going to get so much worse being stuck in my room,1
i went through a chill short term relationship break up three month ago which shouldn t have really even affected me but somehow it ha thrown me into a spiral of overwhelming anxiety i have difficulty sleeping and functioning with feeling or derealization and a constant sense of doom i can honestly barely function for the last year before this i have been completely normal feeling and could easily overcome stress i did have a month or so episode of anxiety when i wa where i wa put on lexapro for a short time i overcame it and wa fine ever since m now i now have a prescription sitting here but i dont want to give in to this anxiety any thought on why this happened to me and if i should just start the med,1
i ve had a rough week with anxiety and one day i realized it s because i fear rejection judgment and i feel like i need to be perfect for some reason that made me feel worse the next day that same day i heard my best friend friend make fun of somebody stutter and he didn t realize i have a stutter i realized it s so easy to talk badly behind people back and that made me feel even worse i started asking myself how do i know who i can truly trust and i started asking myself if certain family member or coworkers would do this and if they devalued me a a person a i wa doing this i thought i feel crazy a couple day passed and i realized anyone can make fun of anyone about anything disability sexuality religion appearance etc this made me calm and i started to go about my business and forget about this stuff and then someone commented on a post i made about it and said they had a similar thought that lead to psychosis and paranoia psychosis is one of my biggest fear and a soon a i read that i wa on the edge of a panic of attack and it took a good 0 0 minute to get off of that edge ever since then my stomach ha hurt and i ve been so anxious and now i can t shake this thought it went from what if others talk badly behind my back to what if i believe they talk badly behind my back i know since i m worried i ll go crazy that s a good sign but since this thought wasn t originally formed by ocd doe that mean it s the onset of psychosis or doe the fact i fear it so much even if it wasn t cause by ocd mean i m still pretty sane or will i become paranoid no matter what now i legitimately feel crazy now and i can t calm down,1
anyone else get super cold mainly hand and foot when stressed,1
a an fyi i wa diagnosed at with ocd usual hand washing fear of germ thought of death checking thing over and over again different trigger didn t leave the house for two year it s well controlled now but i m worried now that it s having an impact of relationship so she wa at the time now i m we chatted for two month dated for went on date but mainly she wanted sex had a lot of sex more than actual going out and doing stuff she becomes distant then when we see each other again she say she want to see me more we end up texting a lot a she wa always unavailable either with friend family or her guy friend she would see him more than me we re texting a lot so i tell her how i feel and that i want to see her more few day later she break up with me with a text won t go into detail why i try and text call her everything at first she ignored me then she gave me a couple of reply saying we ll talk thanks me for birthday gift i d gotten her before we d broken up then she just cut me off two week later she s in a very public relationship with her guy friend who wa seeing a lot when we were together and even stayed over in his place not long before she ended thing my problem is i couldn t accept that it wa over just after a text even before i knew she wa in a new relationship i replied to her she ignored me few day later she reply tell me we ll talk she then ignores me again i call her a day later she ignores me and cut off my call she message me a few day later thanking me for a birthday present i d given her before we d broken up apologises for ignoring me and say she shuts down and act weird in situation like this i tell her she doesn t have to feel that way and can talk to me to tell me what s gone on then send her a voice clip trying to talk her round she ignores so i tell her i won t try again except i did and messaged her happy birthday she replied and i try and make conversation she ignores me i then ask her if she want her stuff back she ignores me two week later i see she s in the relationship so i message her telling her how i felt and that it wa right to end thing a she wasn t making time for me i m bothered that i couldn t just let go and it s making me more concerned that maybe this is my ocd making me obsessed with someone and that i didn t actually feel anything for her i feel like i ve been set back about 0 year here worrying whether i acted normal or whether it wa driven by my ocd,1
obviously i know the answer is no and that he is perfectly capable of making his own decision but i feel like i m holding him back and since i can t talk to anyone about it let s do it to some stranger online i deal with anxiety and have emetophobia i ve had it since i wa and it s only gotten worse over the year i m now at this point i can barely get enough food in my system to maintain my weight can t go out to eat and get nervous whenever we eat at family or friend and have to drive back my partner is very understanding and doesn t really care about visiting friend and family often since he is pretty introverted however now that covid is over he would love to travel again i can t the thought of being on a plane trapped inside a cage in the sky is horrible but one i can manage but i ll be in a country with strange food strange place and i ll most likely be on the verge of a panic attack every night my partner say that that s no way to go on holiday a it meant to relax and if i m stressed the whole time there s no point edit he got very frustrated and told me i know it s not your fault but what s the point in having a partner when we can t do anything together i have reached out to get help but waitlist are so long that i have no way of knowing when i ll get help the fun thing is that they ve told me they need me at a healthy weight to start therapy but i ll have to do that without help in the back of my mind i m not very optimistic since therapy hasn t helped the last 0 year either and i ve gotten worse every time we re on the verge of buying a house together and i m just in doubt whether i should go through with it since he deserves much better thanks for listening and helping me get this off my chest,1
i know it seems contradictory but hear me out when my anxiety start acting up i seclude myself then that lead to feeling of depression and hopelessness that my anxiety will never get better and that i ll be a hermit forever anyone else feel that way,1
every single day at school during my rd period i get very nervous for my th period and my stomach start to ache badly it s like there are gas in my stomach and i get very gassy i think i get nervous because i start thinking about this girl i m very intimidated by but i wouldn t think that it would make me this anxious and then in my rd period i have to go to the washroom to do number two and it s usually diarrhea and that happens every single day in rd period no matter what i do to try to calm myself nothing seems to work i tried breathing pattern but i just get nervous again maybe it s because i eat lunch before rd period but it s every single day that my stomach is aching is it normal to feel this way i don t know if i should do something about it,1
i always wonder how much of my anxiety justifies thing and how much it doesn t like when i have no energy and just wan na lay in bed and do absolutely nothing when it feel like i can t do anything or when i feel so drained when i feel to anxious and can t breathe or when i get physical symptom like upset stomach etc when this get in the way of school work or well lack of school work how much of it is my fault or not my fault is it just an excuse but it s really hard and doesn t feel like an excuse or am i making mysef just believe that i m struggling but i m not so confusing just wan na sleep all day,1
i don t know what to do my body feel like it is in a constant state of panic my mind ha like a thousand thought in the same second and i feel each and every emotion from that thought at once all those emotion just group up into this constant literally constant state of anxiety when i wake up i am anxious when i go to sleep i am anxious when i go to school when i am with my friend etc i feel like i can not take it anymore it is so exhausting every night the only way i can fall asleep is consuming so much different medium at once i get tired and pas out which doe not happen until am whenever i think there is a root to this anxiety i fix it and it doe not go away like i recently started college and i wa nearly failing by middle of my first semester i worked hard and turned my grade around thinking that wa what wa making me anxious except my mind just find new thing to worry about i have been broken down to the point of asking for help on reddit i know you guy can t fix it but please someone tell me that there is something i can do i already see a therapist i am honestly not sure if she help,1
i ve been in therapy a few month cbt he mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate at first it seemed to help a little but the larger issue i have won t stop bothering me i make good money and i m not bad looking at all but i have basically zero friend and i haven t been on a date in over 0 year im and i ve been thinking about suicide a lot but i obviously can t tell my therapist or he ll get me emergency petitioned im really not sure what to do my anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse i can barely get myself to eat most day let alone exercise or try to talk to someone,1
i ve had anxiety a long a i can remember and it not like it ruin my life but i feel i could be doing much better socially and academically if i took a pill that just got rid of it im a college athlete who work out eats right and is in great shape so i truly believe i just have a chemical imbalance that cause my anxiety to act up especially in low action situation such a a classroom this is also spot on with my adhd diagnosis but those med don t help my anxiety all i hear is that when you get on those pill you got ta stop drinking and shit i smoke weed everyday drink heavily every weekend and do coke mushroom acid pretty seldomly anyone got advice for anti anxiety med that aren t going to ruin my brain if i want to drink or do my recreational drug still im even willing to quit the drug and slow down on my booze and weed i just dont want to quit for good,1
i did the prep work i looked up anticipated question and wrote out my answer i looked into the company read their posting over and over and a soon a the phone ring my heart start pounding and i can t think straight i hate this all of my prep my confidence my preparedness gone a soon a i open my mouth i blabber and worse i start apologizing like i m confessing my sin to a priest sorry i have anxiety nail in coffin i try using pause instead of saying um ah uhhhh and the pause turn into silence and i m trying to control my breathing from sounding too loud too erratic too panicked i ve lost control of my heart rate i m gripping my pen just to have something to hold onto and in measly minute it s over,1
this bug me so much and make me want to cry whenever i m with others or even just chatting to stranger i m chatty relaxed and pretty confident no one would ever think that i wa someone that ha social anxiety i m totally fine at party social gathering etc however i get socially anxious a fuck when getting public transport on my own or simply being anywhere new and scary on my own walking through a busy city a people around me look at me why am i like this,1
so i m f and am currently living working and studying in a different country than the one i wa born and raised in my cousin m study in our home country but very far away from home and can only visit his parent during the break my relationship with my parent wa very much strained for a couple of year due to unsolved childhood trauma and throwing blame at them for thing that were a result of their childhood trauma but after therapy our relationship improved and even though we have our fight a every family ha we are very close and talk every evening and even eat together through videocall my cousin relationship with his parent is very much strained his parent got married very late and had fertility issue so only managed to have him well into their forty due to this they really didn t have the patience to deal with their child and my cousin spent most of his childhood with our grandma because his parent wanted to have fun and not deal with a child having tantrum moreover they were very abusive they used to make him eat adult sized portion of food every meal and not let him leave the table until he finished his food and even though everyone in the family knew this wa abusive no one ever decided to do something about it luckily he ha a very fast metabolism and so far hasn t experienced any health issue due to this abuse last september he started university and apparently stopped picking up call from his parent and stopped answering text to the point that my uncle had to threaten him with cutting him off financially if he didn t start picking up the phone and texting this weekend my dad s side of the family had dinner and lunch on saturday and sunday and the topic of me and my cousin came up and my uncle and aunt out of jealousy called my relationship with my parent toxic and unhealthy because we speak to much and went on to say i don t have a life or friend hence why i always talk to them now i have friend both living with me and at work but my friend go out clubbing everyday and since that really isn t my scene i hang with them during the day and they go out at night also i didn t have a relationship with my parent for year i wa so depressed and hurt that i bearly spoke to them even though we were living in the same house now that we have worked through our issue i am enjoying my relationship with them seeing a it won t last forever i dont think our relationship is toxic or unhealthy but this ha triggered my anxiety and made me have intrusive thought and honestly i just need a little reassurance do you think my relationship with my parent is toxic and unhealthy or are my family member just being asshole,1
i m currently taking 0mg effexor xr for anxiety and depression i ve also taken lexapro 0mg for year and zoloft 00mg for a year both had similar effect barely put a dent in my anxiety and really helped with the severe symptom of depression but it s still there my anxiety is still bad particularly my physical symptom i always feel on edge and nervous i can always feel my heart pounding hard not fast regardless of my mental state and it s the most debilitating symptom i feel i can never relax and never truly enjoy myself because of how anxious i feel i take propranolol 0mg twice a day and is the only thing that help a little with the physical symptom but they re still problematic i have tried meditation breathing exercise exercise i have read a multitude of book on cognitive behavioral therapy acceptance and commitment therapy and mindfulness no exercise in the book ha helped with the symptom whatsoever i should also mention i have had test for my thyroid adrenal any gi or diet issue antibody etc and i m sure i can rule out physical cause is anyone else in a similar boat to me and found buspirone helped if no ha anything helped you thanks,1
i ve been feeling a lot and going through a lot for the past few week i can t talk to anyone i m emotionally and mentally drained i m not even diagnosed with anything but i feel like i m having anxiety and just want to be done with everything i sometimes feel like i just want to jump off our building or drown myself in the pool so that i wouldn t feel anything i m really scared i know what happened to me wa careless and full of stupidity i guess this is my karma just letting out a little bit i don t know who else to talk to i feel like i m dying inside i m afraid to go to the beach with my friend because i might do something really stupid i ve been cry and cry every night so that i could hide all my feeling but it s really killing me i want to get out of this situation but i can t escape i know i have to help myself but i can t do it there s no one else to blame but me i m so sorry for this i just have no one to talk to i don t want to be a burden to the people around me,1
year old male year here i ve always had a confusing relationship with myself and anxiety when i wa a young child i wa very outgoing then hit about and wa bullied because of my sensitivity and openness developed really bad anxiety a a result got to year old and found it impossible to talk to girl and wa completely sick of my shyness so i decided overnight that i wa going to showcase my confident side at all time faking it till i made it this wa a blessing and a curse because a lot of my confidence wasn t necessarily real i wa inspired by people like russell brand and keith moon and i kind of acted like them all the time now thank god i ve reached a much calmer equilibrium most people would consider me a a very confident outgoing person but i feel much more myself i m way calmer chatty and forward with people one on one but i m still plagued with anxiety in other area i have no real issue in social occasion i m the frontman in a band and we re about to go on tour playing to thousand of people and i literally have no nerve whatsoever if only this translated to everyday life firstly i m terrified of getting a new scary job working in a pub bar something with people who have the potential to be snooty and mean if i don t know what i m doing instead i live at home with my parent in a sheltered existence i work a really simple easy job at home because i m too scared of a job where i have to do something new for the first time working in a bar absolutely terrifies me but deep down i wish i had the bravery to just do it and not give a crap if i fuck up whenever i ve tried new job in the past i get so frustrated with myself when i m not my cool calm confident self in these new situation why the fuck do i take so long to get relaxed with these thing and how do i get the bravery in the first place i m just so scared that people might perceive me a being shy i guess i value my self worth on my level of confidence in that current moment my second massive issue is when i m on my own in public perhaps public transport for example i m just fizzing with anxiety constantly it s horrific in public i feel extremely self conscious i know that no one give a shit about me or care about me but i literally feel like people are judging me constantly even though i know this isn t true something a simple a cycling on a road is a fucking impossibility i m just so scared that people will think i don t know what i m doing i just hate that physical feeling of anxiety of people watching me and judging me literally sitting here with a massive stress headache because of being in public the last couple of hour i then overthink about this for hour and hour because i just don t understand how i can be this way feel like i m having a personality crisis therapy hasn t helped medication didn t should i just stfu and get on with it in essence exposure therapy how can i not care when load of people are watching me on stage but literally feel like i m dying when people look at me in public why is there this maddening split personality in me i don t think my confidence is an act because when i m confident and relaxed i would consider that to be my most normal authentic self i m not naturally a quiet person just desperately insecure and sensitive,1
i have a serious question are anxitey med worth it i have paralysing anxitey sometimes i ll get better then i ll get worse it s pretty rough the people i ve asked half say it s not worth it it can make you worse and others say they are good i m so confuseeeeed,1
i ve been experiencing such a exacerbation of my anxiety symptom that i think it s time to get evaluated for medication doe anyone have any recommendation for provider in the nyc area or in ny state in general since telehealth is a thing and nyc is insanely expensive 00 for a consultation is steep,1
i ve been feeling rather dissociated lately like i m a spectator in my body i m not sure how long i ve been feeling like this but it felt especially bad on one particular day like i wouldn t have been surprised if i woke up and it wa all a dream that same day i began experiencing what i can only describe a very brief panic attack i m never actually worried about anything in particular i ll be sitting in class or something and suddenly a fuzzy feeling will wash over my body and my heart rate will spike i always expect that something will happen like i ll lose the ability to move part of my body or maybe i ll go numb or thing will start swelling up or that i ll just pas out right there but nothing else happens and the feeling subsides after a bit leaving me in the same disassociated state a before after the panic dy down initially i thought this could only happen while i wa sitting down i usually feel better after walking around and getting some fresh air but i just experienced this feeling while walking and my leg felt numb they worked fine i didn t stumble or anything but it wa like i wa just commanding my body to walk instead of voluntarily moving my muscle to cause it if that make any sense the day this started happening wa the same day that another big event happened one that i m not going to mention because my post get removed i m wondering if the initial wave of anxiety over the possibility of future event ha awakened some kind of generalized anxiety in me i ve also started developing health anxiety regarding food at the same time this started happening i fear that ill have spontaneously developed an allergy to whatever i m eating even though i have no history of this wondering if anybody ha had similar experience and can help me understand what s going on,1
my anxiety ha been taking over my life recently and i am having trouble controlling it it seems like i am always assuming the worst possible outcome for everything i somehow convince myself that the the worst will happen and that i need to prepare for it i am not sure where this way of thinking came about a my parent and my brother are super laid back and relaxed even during my college year i would panic about exam i would study all weekend skip going out worry constantly for test i would run through scenario in my head about failing not getting employed dropping out etc i would calculate the minimum grade needed to pas the course and convince myself that even though i studied 0 hour getting a is still likely and possible if my brother doe not pickup the phone late at night i worry that he crashed somewhere is not safe every night before bed i have to check my car app to make sure it locked even though i know i locked it and if i dont check i assume it is unlocked and will be stolen i worry about my health even though i am healthy it s getting to a place now where when someone tell me something that go against my worry random example you do not have a cavity i assume that he probably missed it and that i do have one it like i always have a sense of fear for everything now i am working full time it effecting me with my work life even worse to make thing short i sell capital equipment because of the supply chain issue many of current order have been delayed i run through every scenario possible that my customer will sue me for loss of profit and not delivering on time even though it is out of my control i worry that i will fulfill the order late and my customer will not pay me net 0 are the normal term in my industry i worry that my equipment will not work properly i worry that i am doing something wrong with running my business i also randomly started worrying about my equipment hurting someone and being sued for it and liable for everything it seems like i always have something to worry about when the stress from one thing pass something else come up and it constantly cycle these are just some example i seem to always go to the extreme with everything even though no issue have come from everything mentioned above i still worry about i have absolutely no idea how to control it i get random thought before bed while i am half asleep about something and it immediately wake me up and i start to panic i get super irritable when i am in an anxious state and my parent think i am just being dramatic and tell me to settle down when i can t i feel helpless it almost feel like the littlest thing can absolutely destroy my mood i have no energy to workout constantly tired no motivation to eat until super late at night i cant meditate and shut off my brain it s impossible doe anyone have any insight on how i can improve myself i am struggling finding anyone in my life that can support me i never really assumed i had any sort of gad until this past year when i started doing more research around the topic i assumed everything that i wa experiencing wa just a normal part of life until it became too much to the point where it controlling my day to day life,1
hi so this morning ha been really rough and i m experiencing worse than usual muscle spasm a a result of my anxiety how can i stop this it s on the entire left side of my body and it s making my anxiety worse i m a bit scared i ll need to go to a hospital and i don t want to my entire left side of my body is tingling too i m just really anxious is there any way i can calm down or stop this,1
today wa the first time i ve gotten feedback from an interview and they want to give me a second chance i m really thankful for that but i feel like my anxiety is holding me back even though i know i m fully capable of preforming a job i just get nervous in interview because i don t know if i m wasting my time googling how to fake confidence because i know i shake my hand a lot and who want to hire someone who is anxious for a job that requires social skill probably no one i ve gotten better at socializing but i m clearly lacking in the social awareness department,1
so i have a stutter and i ve always been insecure about it i wa with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone s stutter because he s not aware i stutter this made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back i felt really bad that night and started cry when i got home cause it made me realize i didn t know who wa being real with me and i felt a tho i wa devalued flash to today and it wa still bugging me but i realized something those people aren t exclusively making fun of people like me but making fun of a lot more than a stutter people are made fun of for stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance and more i realized it s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that this made me content and i wa happy i forgot about it for the most part and went about my business but i posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them this made me almost have a panic attack when i wa eating with my parent because going psychotic is one of my biggest fear ever since then i ve felt so anxious it took a good 0 0 minute to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack ever since then i can t shake this thought but now for a different reason instead of worrying who s judging me i m worrying if i believe it i ve had this fear before but when it s bad it get so bad it feel like i m already psychotic even tho i m not and today wa one of those day it feel like the thought you believe if fact and i have terrible depersonalization this ha happened time before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tone down a bit but since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety doe that mean i am going crazy instead of thinking anyone is judging me i keep asking myself if i think these specific people at my work would judge me idk why once again that wa cause ocd started to ob on it now but since i had this thought before ocd doe it mean i m going crazy or am i sane since i m worrying so much about it,1
existential crisis and angst ha become a month period drama for me every few month i will come across or think of a existential or scary thought where i ll go down a large rabbit hole and in the end become a nervous and terrified wreck i ve been through a existential crisis on mind philosophy sexuality identity apocalypse anxiety biology philosophy space anxiety and now it look like the next one will be quantum fucking physic based if i don t stop it in time i m just so sick of this cycle of fucking misery throughout my life i can t find any happiness or calmness because of my year is spent being terrified and super anxious sometimes i feel like lying down and cry but this depression ha made me so numb i can t cry anymore i just can t fucking take this anymore,1
curious to see what people think here s my question can dissociation also be described a separating yourself from thing event happening in your life for example if something happens that overwhelms me or make me really anxious a lot of time i simply forget it i ll be going along with my day a normal but feel that something is off so i ll have to sit for a moment and think why do i feel sad anxious etc and after a minute of thinking back it click oh right i have to give a presentation on thursday is this a form of dissociation it ha always happened to me and if i describe it to someone they usually don t understand it i e if i m anxious i can t stop thinking about whatever it s about let alone forget it i told my therapist about it one session and she thought it wa fascinating she said that anxiety is stored in the body too so that s why i can feel the negative feeling even if i forget why it s there just curious i m not seeing that therapist anymore or else i d ask her,1
quick question is anyone taking buspirone and did you need to go up on your dosage i ve been taking 0mg twice daily but it feel like it s not working a well a it wa say a week ago i ve been on it for week i would really appreciate your feedback thank you all,1
all i ever do is fucking annoy people lmao they re all going to leave me,1
so basically for a long a i can remember i have been terrible in public situation when i have to present i shake and go red but the most difficult thing thats happens is that my throat feel like it closing up and i can not get any word out even if i keep trying this lately ha progressed into seemingly random situation i think it s because im more aware of it i could be talking to some of my friend in a group and suddenly start to choke and can t speak it s made all the more confusing a when i take beta blocker i can speak fine in any situation so i guess this must mean it a mental block if anyone ha ever experienced this or could even point me in the right direction for stuff to read that would be great i have tried googling this issue but can t find anyone similar to me i m not sure if practicing talking to people work in this situation a i literally cant get the word out of my mouth when it happens thanks,1
i ve noticed my anxiety is really bad for me in certain situation right now i am working a full time job mon to sat 0 hr per week been kinda hard to deal with the anxiety at work a i spend too much time with other people and i have to face awkward situation due to my role also i have a severe problem while eating with other coworkers tried to control that and it worked literally did an auto therapy session to control my fatalistic thought but recently some thing went out of control in my daily routine like some change my bos made to the department there were some change and problem at work too and also i met a girl i really like but obviously my brain take it a an anxiety with thought like you should do this with her you should be quicker or do this and kore this automatically exploded my anxiety to gigh level on these day don t wan na suffer the same so what would be your technique with this tl dr what are your technique copong method when you start dealing with unexpected thing and how to avoid the fatal case of escaping situation,1
i m not sure if this belongs here so if it get taken down i get it about yr ago i went to visit my friend in eugene oregon for their graduation a day or two before the ceremony my friend palmer and genie bf and gf palmer s parent and his sister went to the river to go tubing to this day i wish i told everyone we should go home but we ended up going in anyway we tied the tube together and launched but within min my tube popped we were too far from shore and the rapid got u moving eventually all the tune but one or two were destroyed i used my height to dig my heel into the riverbed and held on to the string and wrapped them around my arm so everyone could readjust a well a get the parent on the remaining tube when i reased myself from the riverbed i wa still in the water merely hanging on to the string all i could do wa tread water and not let go i could feel the string tangling around my leg i did my best to counter the entanglement without letting go or rocking the tube i tried touching the bottom of the riverbed again to gain some stability but it wa too deep that scared me i m i wa on swim and water polo in high school and i even grew up by the beach but for some reason i freaked out and started to panic palmer s sister reminded me to keep treading and kept me in check with all that happening i wa still being slammed into rock and swallowing water if i remember correctly i think when the water were more calm i wa able to push the tube to shore but my memory is hazy we got on the road walked back to our launching point got in the car and went back to my friend s place i haven t thought of it much since that wa 0 i woke up this morning in tear every time i close my eye it s like i m under water looking up at the rippling surface i ve been scared to go in the ocean or any body of running water i understand if this post doe not belong here but thank you for reading,1
so a few week ago i landed a new job in a multimedia job that installs the run of the mill thing acoutics audio video lighting network electrical engineering you name it the interview process wa a pretty straightforward and laid back interview and i got the job my first project wa to create a d acoustical model of a church based on blueprint the thing is i never read a arch blueprint in my life and this is the first time so seeing all the different symbol number and whatnot are scaring the hell out of me the employee here are willing to train me however looking at all the diagram and what not i feel intimidated i don t feel cut out for the job i feel afraid at the lack of thing i don t know i m not sure what to do any help,1
throughout the day i m usually fine when i m alone usually at night is when everything get to me i m not diagnosed with anxiety and i don t want to say i have it i don t want to be faking but i ve been struggling for a bit now at night my chest feel heavy a if i m in an airtight room it s always the same thought this can t be real i ve been having a difficult time comprehending the fact that my close friend is gone the last time i wa able to see him wa in th grade then quarantine hit we had a few call in 0 0 0 and our last one being around hour long but i just can t comprehend it it s not recent he passed away in 0 i just can t believe it s real,1
i don t know what happening i really don t know i don t even know if this is the right group to be typing this to but if anyone can help please do i m your everyday 9yr old who is currently in university growing up i d say i wa a very extroverted and out going person but after covid and moving to a whole new area for uni not knowing anyone my whole personality changed or at least the true me came out which is being introverted and shy and not liking to go outside and everything i do go outside when there s a lot of people in campus s or i meet new people or the teacher asks me anything in front of everybody i overheat and get very itchy and i mean very itchy it s feel like i m getting pinched all over my body and it happens all the time when i m around people i ve never had this issue before and i don t know what it is it first came around last summer so i said to myself maybe it s just the heat and i m also an athlete so i just blamed it on that and now that winter came around the exact same thing happens then maybe i though it s me and i m dirty so i start having shower a day and that did nothing i really don t know what to do if anyone know what this is or why it s happening please tell me it s really effecting me to the point i don t want to leave my house,1
i have a choice between two job neither is ideal and i am having such a hard time deciding that all i do is delay and speak to anyone who will listen i am terrified of making the wrong choice and the indecision is making me frozen i don t know what to do i have spoken to counsellor family and friend everyone is getting really annoyed with me and i am with myself but all i can do is spin my wheel i had a traumatic experience with a previous employer and i am just scared to pick the wrong one,1
hey there doe anyone here have this odd anxiety over commiting a crime and or lying when you infact don t whenever i get a call or letter i immidiately think i am in trouble and when i run into an issue that even remotely ha to do with official matter i am so anxious i might have accidently commit a crime it go so far that i start to convince myself i infact have commited crime when that isnt the case it might be a tad of imposter syndrome too example i worked a a freelance designer for a year jumped in when there wa a project i found interesting i did everything correctly etc after the project wa done i realized this sort of freelancing isn t what i wanted to do so i cancelled my status again i didnt know i cpuld just freeze it after having had only one client i again did everything a law demanded soon i wan na to apply for job in a different field game art and going through my document made the anxiety flare up again immidiately thought like you werent a real freelancer or only one client is shady af or in general just obsession about having commited a crime i have asked the literal tax office how i would go about cancelling since i figured it wasnt really my thing and if it is possible to start a freelance gig again after i officially cancelled my status for example a an artist they told me all i needed to know i did nothing wrong but there is this irration fear and voice that keep trying to convince me i have committed a crime and that is just one example sometimes i feel i stole my art i could draw it this exact moment with no bloody ref and my brain would tell me stole it i feel like i weaseled myself into uni and didnt really pas the test i dont know how to deal with this shite anymore is it this still anxiety or what oa that anyone can relate,1
moved in with them at the start of october 0 we seemed to get on really well have at least some commonality and we d go out together sometimes time every week or so i ve always felt like the outsider of the group a they are all nd year going to the same uni and i am on a gap year we are all the same age tho it always felt like it wa those living together and me living with them if that make any sense nonetheless even tho have terrible anxiety and depression i tried with them they just told me last night that a friend asked them to move in with them and they ll be moving out in a few month it s suck cause we had said several time in passing we d be happy to live together whether in this flat or another i even got into a uni in the same city a them and they knew i wa going to study here next year i don t think they hate me i just don t think they like me all that much it hurt cause idk what i m going to do for accommodation next year uni hall terrify me but would be good to meet people i just had to get this off my chest i have no idea how to act with them if they start convo with me it just feel like they re forcing it idk i feel unloved and unhated just a banal liking,1
hi all i am currently studying to be a licensed therapist i am attempting to branch out and offer my service a a life coach for the time being if anyone is interested in speaking to me please message me so i can help you it really help to have someone to talk to thank you,1
for example this happened the other day while driving to class the week before first week of the course sometimes i wa pretty nervous agitated and generally anxious during the drive resulting in a weird feeling that i usually feel in this circumstance it s hard to put it to word like an uneasy rushy in real time sense of reality this time i didn t feel any of that i wa actually close to being symptomless the problem is that when i started noticing this too much my brain started to scan and check for that feeling that i described before even tho i didn t eventually feel it again it did ruin the moment and it impacted a bit on the symptom anyway so how can i just let go generally speaking,1
for whom with health anxiety over a diagnosed health issue ha therapy helped,1
so recently i wa told i will need a mildly invasive procedure i ve had some symptom that are common with many diagnosis cancer being one of them so now with my anxiety i m terrified and ruminate on the outcome now out of nowhere i have this breathing issue where i feel like some of my breath are not full or deep enough it went from periodically to frequent went to the urgent care and xray look fine the practitioner there said it s most likely anxiety i ve had period of anxiety throughout my life but i ve never experienced this am i alone here,1
ok so this neusea thing ha slowly started to ruin my life i have just recently realised it might be anxiety it started when i wa about every time when i went to a sleepover close to the bedtime i started feeling sick cant remember more since it wa so long timeago it still continues today year later i can not stay the night at anyone el place or have anyone stay over at mine when the night fall and we are supposed to be relaxing i start shaking dont want to be touched or spoken to i feel like i could throw up anytime i feel my muscle tensing up when i notice it i breathe out and i feel relaxed for few second until i remember the other person presense and i start shaking again playing videogames or going outside help a bit now i have a boyfriend and he would really wan na spend the night together but i just cant do it we tried i started feeling really sick and then he left and now i feel bad everytime i see him sometimes when ive been alone i wake up middle of the night feeling sick shaking everytime i try to continue sleeping i see flash of food and sometimes if my house smell like food a bit it get overwhelming i go to sit to my toilet for hour barely staying awake sipping water sometimes i throw up and it help sometimes i just end up sleeping while sitting it is terrible and i hate this so so much i dont wan na break up with my boyfriend because of this but he is gon na lose his patience soon p i think i have emetofobia aswell edit ive been officially diagnosed with depression amp anxiety and ive never told these symptom to my old psychologist i thought it wa dumb,1
how do you deal with a relapse in your anxiety or stop it before it really take control been doing very well with my anxiety for the past month or so still currently taking mg zoloft but recently have been having some stressful family drama pop up in my life for the past day i ve been very on edge anxious and no appetite the stressful event sort of got resolved yesterday morning so you would think i would be feeling okay now but i m still having trouble shaking this anxiousness any tip,1
i am on week on prozac and experiencing no real change i took prozac before when my anxiety wa nowhere near a bad and so i don t really remember how long it took to make me feel better i just want to feel better,1
cause that s how i feel i see people who work study are fit and eat well do extracurricular activity catch up with friend and family all the time all while making it look effortless where a i m sitting there working part time studying part time and am barely and i mean barely holding it together i just can not handle more than one thing at once even one thing at once is a lot e g if i wa to just be working than others look at you like you re crazy when you say how overwhelmed you feel with your workload but i just can t help it it s who i am i feel like i have no one in my life who i can relate to on this level they just seem to suck it up and get on with it,1
posting because this medication ha had an incredible impact for me in a very short time and i think that s worth sharing in case it can help anyone else who suffers from anxiety i wa prescribed propranolol 0mg xr per day a little over one week ago primarily for enhanced physiologic tremor my doctor did also suspect that it would help with some physical symptom of anxiety that i have including elevated hr general muscle tension flushing shortness of breath my anxiety had become so bad over the last year that i have essentially become unable to rock climb which wa previously my favorite activity and stress reliever due to extreme fear shaking freezing up and compulsive checking of equipment well i don t want to get too excited in case thing change a my body acclimates to the drug but so far it really feel like this medication ha changed my life i honestly am starting to feel like myself again in so many way the tension in my shoulder and muscle that ha just become standard for me in the day to day ha been released my tremor is significantly reduced i feel like a weight ha been lifted off of my body i have rock climbed a couple of time since i started the medication and the excessive fear response is all but eliminated no more shaking no more locking up it s pretty amazing i can t even begin to express how huge of a deal this is i wa not expecting this at all i had no idea that this med would have such a significant impact on my anxiety i expected a reduced tremor and hr but nothing more i know that this med ha no impact on the actual mental process but my symptom of anxiety have always been primarily physical it seems a though reducing the tension and heart rate and shaking ha allowed everything else to relax a well i am sure not everyone will have the same experience and who know it could change for me with time but for the time being this med ha been a game changer for me so far i have had no negative side effect not even low bp which i have always had issue with my regular bp is often 9 0 and this med doesn t appear to have changed that in any way despite reducing my hr,1
december of 0 i wa hurting pretty bad anxiety through the roof anger issue depression then more anxiety here month later i m not at all the same person i m not getting the panic wave going to a store or meeting new people i m not fearful of conversation a much lol and i ve even been planning a trip or two with the family since jan st i ve lost pound in a healthy way 0lbs to 9 i ve changed my diet been excersizing been talking to other people who are trying to lose weight get healthier it s changed everything i m fitting into jean i put in storage year ago i have work shirt that i ve literally never fit in that are my favorite to wear now i m due for a check up with my doc and i m going to talk about reducing my anti anxiety med and my blood pressure med and that feel amazing and sure i ve had a set back or two some day i eat better than others but that s ok ive had cake kolaches and starbucks at time i didnt have to cut out all the food i craved just control my portion which happens a little at a time and make some substitution that i can t even tell anymore i know this shoe won t fit everyone s foot but making these change ha changed everything for me get out get healthier be more active be engaged most importantly trying is more than enough just being able to look back to when i wasn t even trying and i thought that wa just how life wa going to be is a huge mood booster maybe it d work for you too p i am in a paid program i signed up for i don t want to solicit anything so i m not sharing the info of that program in this post also in some therapy but personally the weight loss ha made more of a difference to me,1
so lately i been dealing with a pretty tense situation which involves trying to get myself out of a pretty big rut caused by my depression and lack of motivation basically a lot ha gone to shit now i m trying to fix it but there is this thing that happens whenever there is something difficult uncomfortable i have to do in my life in the hour leading up to waking up fully in those moment when i m tossing and turning my body feel terrible especially in my stomach abdominal area my thought are anxious and i feel terrible when i wake up fully all i think about is the thing making me anxious and the symptom i described feel like 0 time worse and i feel extremely high stung and filled with dread i feel like i want to fade away because it feel so bad after about an hour or two the physical symptom lessen and my anxiety reduces to more manageable level doe anyone else feel this and what have you done to cope,1
i ve been having this for a few day doe anybody know of this is from anxiety my hearth is normal but i ve been having headache and chest pain too,1
so i have a stutter and i ve always been insecure about it i wa with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone s stutter because he s not aware i stutter this made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back i felt really bad that night and started cry when i got home cause it made me realize i didn t know who wa being real with me and i felt a tho i wa devalued flash to today and it wa still bugging me but i realized something those people aren t exclusively making fun of people like me but making fun of a lot more than a stutter people are made fun of for stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance and more i realized it s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that this made me content and i wa happy i forgot about it for the most part and went about my business but i posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them this made me almost have a panic attack when i wa eating with my parent because going psychotic is one of my biggest fear ever since then i ve felt so anxious it took a good 0 0 minute to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack ever since then i can t shake this thought but now for a different reason instead of worrying who s judging me i m worrying if i believe it i ve had this fear before but when it s bad it get so bad it feel like i m already psychotic even tho i m not and today wa one of those day it feel like the thought you believe if fact and i have terrible depersonalization this ha happened time before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tone down a bit but since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety doe that mean i am going crazy instead of thinking anyone is judging me i keep asking myself if i think these specific people at my work would judge me idk why once again that wa cause ocd started to ob on it now but since i had this thought before ocd doe it mean i m going crazy or am i sane since i m worrying so much about it,1
or i am the only one with that,1
i m and my anxiety ha been getting worse and worse a i fly towards adulthood at mach i ve started carrying around a plush of one of my favorite character it really comforting i want to start brining it to school because that s where a lot of anxiety happens but i don t know if i ll be able to ignore everyone s judging eye doe anyone else do this is it a healthy coping mechanism,1
what do you do to help it,1
i don t see a stable future for myself i have a lot going for me right now and i don t even care i m and graduating highschool in june and alot of my friend will be moving away for college including my boyfriend of year i feel like everything is ending traveling and plane terrify me so i probably cant visit my friend unless they visit me i cant see myself every being stable enough to live a non anxious life what is wrong with me,1
it s been so long i have been avoiding to get treated especially because it s social anxiety i definitely don t want to talk to a stranger but it s been ruining my life so here we are any tip anything i should prepare what question do they ask you i am already getting anxiety attack because of the appointment,1
just called out of work today i m feeling like i let everyone down which i know isn t the case at least i recognize the anxiety,1
for the past two day i ve been having a lot of trouble getting to sleep and i m just worried if this is really something i should be really worried about and no one in my family seems to care that i m having trouble with this so am i just overreacting or is this something o should be concerned about,1
hi r anxiety i m a 0yr old male with what i would say is a decent amount of stress but nothing out of the norm yeah work is stressful rent is increasing and a proposal to my gf are all looming but i ve always been able to accept those thing will come with some mild stress since i m human i ve been experiencing what i can only describe a mild severe panic attack recently that are completely wiping me off the face of the earth this past saturday i found myself in a bathroom stall at noon after being out with friend for lunch drink experiencing symptom last night after work i came home wa slapped with tunnel vision trembling tight chest and once i laid down in bed had what i would describe a the worst experience of my life for 0 minute borderline exorcism i m completely new to this experience and am obviously concerned what my trigger are or where this is coming from i plan on having a wellness check with my local physician but are there buzzword or thing i should include so i can do exactly explain what i am experiencing i constantly drink water i take only about 00mg caffeine a day i exercise time a week i have what i would describe a a pretty well balanced diet why is this happening all of a sudden appreciate any feedback this is more of a vent,1
so i live here in orlando fl and we have the world s tallest chair swing ride so imagine the swing that you would go on at a carnival but 0 ft high and going at up to 0 mph i wa so nervous but i decided i wasn t gon na let my anxiety ruin it so i went it and lo and behold it not only wa really fun but actually surprisingly relaxing and beautiful,1
i finally started therapy last november because my social anxiety ha gotten too big to deal with and i feel stuck i thought it wa going well therapist understood my problem anxiety ha been my reality for year so i guess changing my mindset is a slow process and all that but a few week ago my mom told me i should try to talk with a few other therapist because she doesn t think i m not really making progress and she also doesn t like that my therapist ha suggested anxiety med and antidepressant which i m not on right now because it s like she s dismissing me she said this got me thinking that i truly don t know what the best path is because you trust your therapist you aren t the one who studied psychology so you assume she obviously know better so i thought i d try to ask people here who went to therapy and got rid of anxiety what should i expect i didn t expect my therapist to say a bunch of magic word and cure me but is it really anxiety is never going to go away you can just learn to handle it better just make yourself suffer by putting yourself in situation that cause you anxiety until you get used to it and take med to help if you want to because that s depressing i know i might sound whiny but having to make all the work myself make me lose all motivation and i just wan na off myself because i don t actually get used to stuff i ve taken the bus a million time in my life and yet i m still anxious every time i have to take it i feel like i can t win i thought that therapist would at least help a little bit because what am i paying her for telling me to accept that i can t control everything because risk is a part of life and to take a walk everyday because i could ve realized that by myself,1
last few day i f fell into some spiral of anxious thought about my relationship and my diploma thesis and can t get out of it i haven t properly eaten for three day now and last thing i do before falling asleep and first thing after waking up is just cry i feel like there is ton of brics on my chest at all time and i can not carry it anymore im becoming desperate i seriously don t know what to do if anyone ha any advice thank you so much,1
since my stepfather died i have slept hour every single night and day my anxiety is just at an insane max right now to the point where i break down everyday in the shower if i m not in there with my so my bag are insanely black and i m so exhausted but still doing my hardest to function in society which is making it worse since i m failing,1
it wasn t to bad it s pretty easy but i wa still scared i ve lost over job due to my anxiety i hope this one stick plus it s only min from home i wa so proud that i got up early and i went to work i made myself do it but i did it my second day is tomorrow and i m nervous again i hope i can pull through and be able to do this,1
lol not literally but when i m out with a group of people for example i always feel so weird like i don t belong or that i m so abstract from everyone but in reality i m accepted by everybody amp it rlly suck feeling this way anyone else go through this,1
hi i m f and my partner guy is also i say partner because i ve had mixed message about being in a relationship or not recently with him and i think this is a factor to my anxiety too fyi i have had bad anxiety since an abusive relationship at university and another one where i had a bf cheat multiple time my parent did not have a healthy relationship when i wa younger and where both not very present till my later teenage year i don t suffer anxiety in general but my relationship anxiety ha only got worse the older i get current situ we ve been dating month about week ago his twin brother died suddenly which wa tragic accident they were extremely close and he s been very unemotional about it all hasn t cried and been very rational before we got together we were friend before although i always knew he wanted more than that he d asked me on a few date in the past which i declined because he isn t usually someone i would go for but personality win me over everytime he wa also very consistent over text and the quality of conversation wa always really good which a someone with r anxiety the reassurance that someone is interested really help and usually attracts me more to them this ha since faded massively even before the passing of his brother and i find even some day the conversation is a 0th of what it used to be we ve discussed this and a lot of the time he say it s due to work and just over time not needing to keep up this same level because he is no longer chasing me because of my anxiety the long period of lack of communication i struggle with and my brain start to panic i find myself regularly checking his instagram who he follows what picture he s liked it s not healthy and i m trying to stop because it never help but almost become like an ocd since his brother passed he s shown me glimpse of seeing a future together he introduced me to some friend double date and his parent sister which i don t feel you would do if you didn t see a relationship potential he s said he would have asked me to be his gf when we should have gone on holiday the week after his brother passed but since i ve had mixed comment from whether we are in a relationship or still dating i find myself in a constant spiral atm due to the lack of communication which he say a factor is the grieving this is hard to overcome i feel awful to keep bringing up i need more in this situation i e if he can t text due to busy day can he call me more he agrees but never follows through consistently so every week i m cycling the anxiety cry worry that s now affecting my work and day to day in this situation i don t know what to do the anxiety is becoming worse and worse i don t want to have to keep bringing it up to him because of everything going on in his personal life but he doesn t seem to be meeting any emotional need for me and i m worried i won t cope long term with someone who can t reassure me i also feel guilty for wanting more from him i do hope it will get better in time a he is still in shock grieving process but it s hard to tell how would you handle this situation do you continue to suffer in silence with the anxiety in order to stop putting pressure on the other person when they are grieving or would ending the situation be better i wouldn t want to do this i m very happy with him but i feel like in a short space of time this ha been intense and draining,1
a of lately i have been under a considerable amount of stress which cause me to have uncontrollable anxiety about most of the time i m awake now i ve noticed a new side affect from this my nervous habit tic from childhood are starting to come back the more stressed out i am the more i have this strange uncontrollable compulsion to kind of clench tense my abdominal muscle over to my rib cage and also tense my neck muscle a strange a it sound i start to get a very uncomfortable sensation if i don t do it for a certain amount of time this habit is causing a lot of strain on my back side and a lot of stomach pain acid reflux i ve tried working on breathing exercise to stop and distract myself but nothing quite work doe anybody else get these strange nervous habit or tic i have adhd and diagnosed anxiety i m not sure if that would be related i ve considered even seeing a therapist to attempt getting help with this,1
hello so i have ptsd bipolar disorder and a back injury that will never heal i recently had to move from maine to florida i am in the process of re establishing my medical care in a new state a more restrictive state the doctor here want me off my back pain medication my anxiety medication and want me to quit smoking pot it took me a long time to figure out the exact combination of medication that work for me amp x 00b i moved from california to maine about ten year ago it took me a few trip to the looney bin for doctor to believe me figure out what wa wrong with me and treat me i spent my first three year in maine in constant pain due to a back injury that my nurse practitioner thought i wa way too young to have which i absolutely did and still do have she sent me to specialist that verified i do have a serious injury and she would say she doesn t believe them i turned her into the board of director at the hospital i wa in for basically torturing me but because i live with debilitating depression i did not follow through with it and it wa dropped amp x 00b when i finally found a doctor that believed my x ray and wa willing to treat me and a doctor that wa able to diagnose my ptsd and bipolar disorder and treat me my life took off in the right direction i wa able to finish my bachelor s degree my master s degree and start my phd one right after another my family wa forced to leave maine because of all the people that flooded into maine due to the pandemic and maine s low number of reported case in the beginning amp x 00b now i am having to redo all of these complicated step and i feel myself falling into my depression hole i feel so defeated i m coming down off my back pain med and my back is hurting so incredibly bad it make me want to die i have gone through so many year of physical pain i thought it wa over i thought i had that figured out my anxiety about doctor s opinion in my medical care and anxiety behind being looked at like a druggie when i don t do drug the anxiety of having to plead my case to people that just have heard so many lie they wouldn t know the truth if it smacked them in the face depression at having to do all of this crap over again,1
hey everyone i am just curious if anyone ha also suffered from this type of anxiety i will get anxiety and panic about one thing and after coping and learning to overcome this anxiety my anxiety tends to hyper fixate on something else to worry about im wondering if anyone else ha dealt with this and how they stopped this cycle im currently on sertraline and buspirone and attend therapy a well for anxiety and panic disorder,1
you are doing enough just let yourself take a break,1
preferably without becoming addicted,1
so let me preface this by saying that i didn t cheat i m in a chemistry class and we just had our final exam i scored a 9 after the curve the average in the class wa 9 i got an a in the course and i wa ecstatic about my grade until i read a post from my college s reddit asking when academic integrity violation would be announced that s what started me down this spiral i started checking my grade every hour for the past three day just to see if it s uploaded so i can know if he think i cheated and reported me i ve been feeling nauseous and shaky i did well on my first test in the class a 9 but the second test i didn t do great a there s no reason for me to think that he think i cheated i ve done well on all the hw and he even said that the majority of the class had a huge improvement from their final compared to their midterm so he replaced the lower test grade w the grade for the final but i still feel so sick idk what to do or how to calm down i feel like i m manifesting it grade are supposed to be updated tomorrow by am so we ll see what happens,1
hey all i m 0 and i started taking 0mg citalopram in summer last year i had no side effect except for a decreased appetite and worsened insomnia i already suffered with that though everything wa going well until the start of this year when my anxiety suddenly got out of control my doctor think i grew resistant to the 0mg or something my dose wa increased to 0mg the end of feb for the first week i felt fine but then i started to feel nauseous the second week then over last weekend i began to be physically sick i take citalopram in the morning a soon a i wake up because i used to take it at night and it wasn t good for my insomnia a well a this for the good of being completely transparent i am a social university student who doe enjoy drinking even though alcohol wa fine with 0mg could it be possible that it is not now i know this is an important piece of context hence why i m including it basically did anyone else suffer with nausea and vomiting after increasing their dose should i be concerned that it s been week since starting the new dose and my side effect haven t settled also how worried should i be mixing citalopram with this new dose when i wa fine when i drank on 0mg thanks for any advice,1
wtf are we doing here,1
it s gotten so bad lately i am basically in a constant state of fear i can t get a break from it whatsoever just a constant state of being afraid impending doom and panic any helpful word and tip would be greatly appreciated it s so debilitating and disheartening,1
i just read this line somewhere the problem with silence is that it s usually not complete it got me thinking how i usually like to drown the noise around me by playing some music in the background the noise make me anxious or irritable at time but then i would probably not be able withstand complete silence a well because then i d be left alone with my thought which isn t exactly comforting and i sometimes get anxious if i completely cut off outside world because then i m anxious about not knowing what s happening out there damn it s frustrating any of you guy face this a well,1
i ve experienced this before they describe this one a brain zap but this time it s much worse it s at the back of my head now like near my neck then it s followed by intense pulsing feeling somewhere between the back of my head and neck and i feel like something bad can happen to me anytime i m not even feeling anxious at all right before experiencing this one anyone else who experienced this,1
i am pretty sure i have a porn addiction in particular i find myself drawn to the casting type video my therapist and i have discussed that seeing amateur and novel stimulus is sexually stimulating especially for someone who ha searched for porn all their life i d like to think that i am not hurting anyone besides myself in consuming this porn but i experience urge to watch girlsdoporn if you are not familiar many girl within this casting channel were coerced into filming and were essentially assaulted on screen i know morally that i should not watch these video and i always am able to stop myself but i am just so so ashamed that i have to seek validation on google is it wrong to watch gdp in order to stop myself to me it feel a though i need google to reaffirm my moral i just feel so weak when i am horny and after i am horny i just feel this terrible guilt am i a horrible person who view woman a nothing a sexual object am i so far removed from the concept of empathy that seeing woman possibly being assaulted is le important than satisfying my sexual urge how do you all view this situation do i pose a threat to those around me i feel a terrible shame but these feeling seem to almost evaporate when i m in that mood therapy and med have helped but i need to kick this habit and i don t want to hurt anyone i also feel that future relationship would be ruined if they were to find out about my blatant disrespect for woman,1
i ve been on just about every ssri under the sun i ve been on hydroxyzine i m currently on 0mg of buspar x a day 0mg of seroquel and 0mg of remron it is not working for me i still can t leave my house i get anxious the second i step outside i get sick to my stomach dizzy light headed my toe and finger tingle and i feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest i go into tunnel vision and shut down i can t even escape my anxiety a i have very anxious dream i need the help of medication that will actually work i just want to feel human again,1
i want to sing but i m afraid of everything my voice is shaking when i speak and it make me cry even thinking about singing or practicing plus to that i wa in music school when i wa a child and my music teacher just stopped working with me said i am useless and should just be quit when others sing i really need to start singing it s killing me but i am afraid to go to school for anxiety and childhood memory of being shit at singing and i am afraid of practicing home because i think neighbor can hear me i can t cope anymore,1
i have no idea if this is anxiety but this is the reason why im asking lately i ve been extremely overthinking the most smallest thing and worrying about the most thing that i ve been overthinking about this happens throughout the day and disrupts my life it s even disrupting me whilst i m typing i worry and overthink thing that could cause health problem but the thing are sooo small i ve wasted so many food thinking this could be dangerous i know it sound stupid because i can barely even explain it it s taking a toll on me but i know that the other day when i got outside the house i wasn t thinking about it and i felt better but then when i got back to the house and started up again i just know i keep overthinking and worrying about the smallest thing health related i can t tell you the amount of time that i ve been back and forth to the doctor this year and last year worrying myself,1
i don t know if something like this ha happened to any of you but if i try to sleep on my bed i wake up in the middle of the night or can get any rest i can only get to sleep on the couch i m worried about this because i don t want to sleep on my bed any tip,1
hi im doing my master degree my grade are dropping the note my teacher are leaving are nasty thing like you are not creative you don t know how to write this wa not the case in first semester i got straight a and now in this exchange semester thing are just going to hell i lost my confidence i can t write im panicking that im not good engouh and the voice in my head keep telling me that im a stuipd failure the medicine are not stopping that and now i have this paper to sumbit and i just cant start writing bc i feel stupid im just tired i just want the voice to stop and to feel happy about myself and what i accomplished,1
and tell my that i will be ok and my life is not in shamble because of a stupid stupid decision i made it s been day that i have not slept but just thought about the situation i can t seem to solve i should have just not tried to overachieve some shit and now i am left with nothing nothing and my career is even worse than if i had just done nothing i am shaking i am anxious although i have never had mental health issue before and my life is a mess every stability i knew is getting pulled away from me and i have even failed myself at giving myself some stability everything is a mess please i can t deal with it at all i want to wake up in a different life every morning i can t get a break from being anxious and worrying not even for some sleep that is how badly my brain is coping hope there will be some answer to help me cope ha anyone else hat a full week of constant anxiety,1
ok so ever since my anxiety attack i am convinced being tired is fatigue and a symptom of death can someone please just put me at ease,1
i feel so anxious about school and suddenly there are so many people who reaching out to me for help and thing like that my mind just can t seem to calm down i feel like cry and vomitting at the same time but i can t take a break cause of school deadline i just want this madness to stop,1
i had really bad anxiety about a year ago it made it difficult to swallow and to eat and just made everyday a chore recently i ve started to become more zoned out a if i m living in a dream there is no reason for me to be anxious but ala here i am i can not control my mind and i ve been on mg of zoloft for about month now and now that the symptom are starting to return it s making me even more anxious and i fear the anxiety may come back,1
i ve had panic attack on and off all day it all started at am when my apartment broke out into an electrical fire luckily the place doesn t look too bad i wa actually allowed back inside i just don t have any power at the moment i go to uni though so i ve been doing work i only had a couple scorch mark on my wall my chair and the outlet cover on my wall where the fire came from melted it wasn t a great start i felt really down and out of it then i went to school and at the end of my band rehearsal i started having a panic attack halfway through the final piece we were running through i broke down i tend to hide my emotion so it wa very scary i haven t felt the same since i feel so behind i ve been in a depressive state for the last little while and i m very behind on school work and that kind of stuff i just needed to get all of that out sorry,1
i m had a huge panic attack after taking my xanax dose i whole body went numb i wa having trouble breathing i felt nauseous i thought i wa having either a stroke or a heart attack i spent an hour on the suicide hotline i wa ready to go to the hospital i m afraid to go to sleep tonight i m afraid i won t wake up i m tired of being on so many med i want to take back my life,1
skip to the end for my main point lol i m the worst overthinker i must think of all possible bad outcome so i can prepare myself for them obviously all it doe it cause extreme anxiety and exhaustion i m a big what if person and my what if s are always negative yay for catastrophic thinking when stressful thing happen my mind run nonstop it feel like a tornado in my head and i can t get a grip i can not sit with uncertainty and i feel like i need to solve issue right at this moment because i feel stuck so i write down my thought i really like the mantra of cross that bridge when you get to it in my current situation i keep telling myself that but a i wa writing my thought out i wrote something to add to that that is helpful to keep telling myself i just thought i d share in case it can help anyone else when i start thinking what if i try to stop myself and say i don t need that bridge yet i m still in traffic here s what i came up with you are building bridge to place you may not even go to and it s waisting energy you don t have to drive anywhere right now you re just in traffic right now traffic doesn t last forever even though it may seem like it eventually thing will get moving and you ll get to where you need to be if you come to a bridge you can decide if you want to cross it or go another way either way you choose you ll end up where you need to be,1
i thought it wa an interesting way to look at it and wanted to share with you all,1
currently trying to redecorate on my own new to living alone too to feel more empowered i have been redecorating finally ordered a new couch chnage is scary lol anyways my couch wa supposed to arrive wednesday but it came early and i m not prepared i don t have a cart to get it up at the moment i m concerned it will be stolen rationally who would steal a pound thing and a another oddly shaped packaged but maybe or that the apartment will send it back before i can get the cart tomorrow to bring it up i emailed them just in case even if neither happen i don t want to ask anyone for help bringing it up because i either feel like a burden or i don t want to socialize with anyone while dealing with the couch cause that give me anxiety already preferably i d pay someone but how would one even do that for a task that take minute max just seems silly so now if i m lucky and my couch is still in the mail room tomorrow after work when i have a cart then i must be physically capable to get the couch up on the cart into the elevator and into my apartment myself i think i can do it but i m scared a to what s going to happen anybody have any opinion on this am i overthinking i read somewhere that anxiety can be confused with feeling of excitement too maybe that s what s happening idk man i want to know it will be okay,1
hi i have a social anxiety disorder and everytime i m stressed for example medical appointment my heartrate go to the roof while i am sitting and get my blood pressure checked my heart go 0 bpm this is so embarassing everytime i have to explain that i am very nervous and the medical stuff doesn t have to worry is there a specific way to get my heartrate down to normal in these situation thank you,1
doe anyone else feel this way too during an attack it will come on like a rush out of nowhere no trigger that i m feeling for instance whenever i go to like target or walmart i tend to get this it s almost like an overwhelming feeling and feeling faint i never seem to be able to finish my shopping fully due to this because i just want to go checkout a soon a this wave come on i hate this so much,1
been a stressful few week dealing with my college that overcharged me and now won t help me with getting the money back bank lost the check i asked the college if they could cancel the check and refund the money to my bank account but the lady who answered the phone at the college blamed me for not knowing what a check is and said that s my problem hence i had to keep calling the bank again and again w no answer to rectify the situation when they did pick up the bank blamed me for not notifying them that the check wa from the college i showed the bank the letter from my college in person so they should know the full situation and even told her to track the check number and amount but she said it couldn t be done but when i called the hotline they were able to do it idk why but this stressful situation ha made my anxiety skyrocket to an all time high i keep thinking someone will blow up at me and call me stupid i grew up with a father with an explosive temper who would curse you out for 0 minute for spilling water and wouldn t hesitate with getting physical i know this doesn t make sense but i feel like someone is going to blow up at me and i would be powerless to stop it i feel like everyone who i dealt with actually hate me and my heart won t stop beating so fast and i feel nauseated all the time i wa cry in bed last night because of how stressful this whole situation wa i know other people have been through worse and i m sorry for posting this but this anxiety and all the bad thought is really taking a toll on me please i really hope someone know how to deal with this,1
hi my bf and i are dating since year we love each other very much but i had my diagnosis anxiety and depressive disorder due tu my anxiety month ago and there ha been a lot of change my bf is very comprehensive but sometimes he say thing that i don t understand like since ish month he keep telling that i make no effort in our relationship that i am always sad or tired or angry or sick i often have ordinary cold etc i already had a discussion with him explaining that i can t help it that i ll try to change my behavior that sometimes my disorder affect me so much that i can t move and he seems to understand but it all start again week later besides when i have panic attack he help me well i don t understand why he keep saying thing like this it make me feel guilty i try really hard to make an effort but sometimes i just can t and for those asking yes i have already talked with him about this but nothing change i understand that it may be tough for him to have an anxious gf but his word cut deep sometimes i am currently in therapy and with a treatment ha nobody experienced a similar situation how did you guy manage relationship and disorder,1
i recently started a new job and i m finding it difficult to socialize with my some of my colleague i have no problem with one on one but i tend to struggle with social anxiety in group setting a a result i often avoid joining my group s table during lunch fairly small around people my biggest concern is that i m half everyone s age and they ve all known each other for year in addition these are group of people i wouldn t normally interact with in social setting when i joined the table at one point i felt awkward and out of place worrying about everything that came out of my mouth i also joined them during happy hour but felt bored out of my mind and didn t want to be there i have made work friend during my orientation but they all ended up working different shift so i rarely see them i ve been spending my lunch alone so far and a much a it s way le stressful i sometimes feel sad and lonely i am not the only one alone in the break room though i didn t expect to be that person although i don t particularly relate to my colleague what are some way to get closer to them side note i work alongside with them all day hr shift in a lab setting so it s not like i never interact with them i can t tell if wanting to spend break alone is rude antisocial or actually common,1
i ve made like post already in different part of reddit trying to explain the mess that is myself and my life story but i swear this time i m gon na try and get a grip on all my thought and what i think is messing up me and my life ok first off i don t think i ve had anxiety or at least not nearly a bad until like year ago after i quit my job it wa fine at first but a the year went on i just slowly started to feel more and more like shit right after i graduated high school like almost year ago my dad s alcohol problem really started getting bad and he wa already sort of an asshole but it really ramped up when he started getting wasted every day ditching work not taking care of himself a much etc he started guilt tripping me into taking care of him and it got to the point where i basically had to babysit him until he either fell asleep or ran out of booze mom eventually got to that point too and from there it wa basically constant verbal abuse and a sense of worthlessness until mom finally got disgusted with herself and him and slowly began shaping up but that wa only because they ran out of money both theirs and mine by the time they started becoming relatively functional again my mental state wa fucking shot and i m surprised i m retaining enough sanity to not kick the shit out of them and anyone else all i got out of it wa the neverending fear that if i do anything to upset them they re probably gon na kick me out of the house more on this later now we re living with dad s mom who s crazy but still function much better than either of them and i would be fine around her except she doesn t even want me around and if dad keep getting fucked up then i would be kicked out while he get off with basically no punishment starting the year i quit my job i developed a porn addiction that i didn t even think wa possible until just recently i don t know if it s the main cause of all my problem but if it make me feel any better i ll quit on the spot i want to move out go to college start my own life and all that fun shit so badly but there is no way in hell i m gon na be able to pas class get financial help or even take care of myself in the mental state that i m in right now i m trying to avoid online college because i miss being able to go out and meet people and be a weirdo and there s no way i m gon na get anything done sitting in this house i don t have any idea on what to do except sit around and pray for some sort of miracle because i m completely fucked at this point i can t even bring myself to get out of bed most of the time sometimes i ll fall asleep for no reason and i can t tell if it s because i m freaking out too much or there s something else wrong with me after i ve spend the past couple day reflecting on everything that s happened and constantly fearing that my family will eventually throw me out i think i ve lost my mind i want to believe it ll pas but i have no idea anymore right now i think my best bet is cry until i get enough financial assistance to move out and start college but i have no fucking clue where to begin on that i don t care how low quality my life and housing is i just wan na get away from my crazy fucking family they re one of the few reason i have anxiety whatsoever the only other thing that really give me anxiety are project because i can never finish them presentation because i can never finish them properly and driving to a destination for the first time because my sense of direction is utter shit if i have any other random related thought i ll edit them in but for now i think this get my point across if this post doesn t belong here i ll move or delete it or whatever if this post seems like a mess it s because it is and i m sorry edit ok another thing that really fucking bother me is my parent are always telling me i m so smart and all that but then treat me like a dumbass i really don t feel smart at all especially after how much i struggled in grade middle school and how much trouble i have figuring out anything past basic stuff the only reason this give me anxiety is because if i can t do normal schoolwork there s no way in hell i m gon na be able to do college level work like should i even attempt college when i have nothing going for me edit i forgot to mention the reason i hate when they call me smart or anyone really is because it s just an excuse for me to do more work instead of it being some sort of compliment edit will having a sugar addiction give me anxiety make it worse because ever since i got to grandma s house i ve been eating a lot more sweet junk food because she won t stop buying it if i need to cut that out too i ll try my best tl dr family crazy terrible decision from everyone how do i stop feeling like shit and move out,1
ha anyone used benadryl for anxiety attack i started using this because i refuse to be on benzos and find it work just enough to make it more manageable and wanted to know if others did too,1
hello everyone thank you for taking the time to read this i m very new to anxiety and wanting to learn technique on how to navigate my way through episode i ve began changing my diet and gone back to being active although not a much a when i wa in better shape in order to keep my mind busy during the day however it flair up at night time randomly and i ve gone to the er a few time out of fear of it being a heart attack thankfully they ve all been negative however i still find it hard to shake the urge to go there i recently got some lab work and my pcp told me i have slightly high cholesterol but manageable with diet and exercise vi ramos d deficiency which i m supplementing with caroming and ensuring i get sun for at least an hour a day however the worse thing that flared it after almost a month of episode wa hearing that i m at risk for heart disease so i ve gone into overdrive on changing my eating habit and working out to ensure that i can lower my chance a much a possible there lie my fear whenever i feel the slightest change in my heart beat i become hypersensitive and can t shake the feeling and it spiral from there thankfully i ve had my mom and girl friend to lean on and they ve been godsend i ve also had heart to heart with my mom during episode that seem to help it come to an end i m aware that i must change aspect of my lifestyle to ensure my health stay good and i prolong my life but is there anything else that work for you maybe there s something i haven t thought of i also wanted to post this so that i could feel part of the community this is new to me and i m making myself a vulnerable a possible in real life being letting my family friend and co worker know whom all have been awesome btw and allowing them to know where i m at but there s something about surrounding myself with others that are currently working through it take make me feel stronger supported it might be late for a majority of you but i d appreciate any advice whether it s a movie scene book or activity i m open to all thing to add into my repertoire i just came down from an episode so i apologize for any spelling error or if my thought we re convoyed correctly thank you,1
my sibling ha been dealing with anxiety and depression for awhile it s definitely been affecting his health alcoholism loss of appetite mood swing however he won t acknowledge that fact that he need to see a medical professional we have tried to talk to him about his drinking and health but doe not care to get checked anybody have tip on how to move forward it s tough to see a sibling deteriorating but i don t want to keep heckling him a it get him more angry and le likely to see someone,1
symptom of panic disorder include http www nimh nih gov health publication panic disorder when fear overwhelms sudden and repeated panic attack an intense worry about when the next panic attack will happen fear of impending doom avoidance of place where panic attack have occurred before panic attack can come on suddenly at any time and often do not have an apparent cause there are many different symptom that can occur during a panic attack the symptom of a panic attack include http www nh uk mental health condition panic disorder chest pain http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition chest pain a racing heartbeat or both sweating http www healthgrades com right care skin hair and nail hyperhidrosis excessive sweating nausea http www healthgrades com right care digestive health nausea dizziness http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition dizziness or both feeling faint shortness of breath http www healthgrades com right care lung breathing and respiration shortness of breath with or without a sensation of choking trembling chill http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition chill or hot flash http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition hot flash numbness http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition numbness dry mouth http www healthgrades com right care oral health dry mouth a feeling of dread feeling a though you are not connected to your body ringing in your ear not everyone will experience a panic attack in the same way most panic attack last – 0 minute though some can last up to an hour,1
what is the longest youall have gone without anxiety,1
it happens to me i would like talk to someone who is not my nationality and talk english german but i m at the same time not comfortable with speaking in that language,1
matched with a guy on a dating app we went on a few date hooked up a couple of time but it didn t work since both of u got too occupied with our work and we had nothing to talk most of the time but now after like a month i see this guy on my dance class whatsapp group and he is about to join the same batch i feel so anxious and weird first i dance horrible but it didn t really matter because i didn t know anyone there should i leave the class what do i do the class wa like an escape to me since i recently moved to this city and i don t want to leave the class but i also don t want to see him there and show him this side of me help please,1
hi everyone amp x 00b being a sexually abused survivor a child to dealing with many trauma of anxiety and depression related to family member and myself i felt like i need to do something now so i am working on a project to help people with mental health challenge that enjoy playing video game on their if you are open for me to ask you some question privately just say yes and i will send you a private dm i appreciate the support i hope i can help like others who have helped me deal my trauma and anxiety,1
so i have a stutter and i ve always been insecure about it i wa with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone s stutter because he s not aware i stutter this made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back i felt really bad that night and started cry when i got home cause it made me realize i didn t know who wa being real with me and i felt a tho i wa devalued flash to today and it wa still bugging me but i realized something those people aren t exclusively making fun of people like me but making fun of a lot more than a stutter people are made fun of for stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance and more i realized it s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that this made me content and i wa happy i forgot about it for the most part and went about my business but i posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them this made me almost have a panic attack when i wa eating with my parent because going psychotic is one of my biggest fear ever since then i ve felt so anxious it took a good 0 0 minute to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack ever since then i can t shake this thought but now for a different reason instead of worrying who s judging me i m worrying if i believe it i ve had this fear before but when it s bad it get so bad it feel like i m already psychotic even tho i m not and today wa one of those day it feel like the thought you believe if fact and i have terrible depersonalization this ha happened time before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tone down a bit but since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety doe that mean i am going crazy instead of thinking anyone is judging me i keep asking myself if i think these specific people at my work would judge me idk why once again that wa cause ocd started to ob on it now but since i had this thought before ocd doe it mean i m going crazy or am i sane since i m worrying so much about it,1
hello i ve not posted here before but i ve wanted to for a while always debating back and forth whether or not to do this but here it go i think i have some general anxiety i cope decently well with it physical exercise like running ha really helped my main problem is driving i know how to drive i have my license but i never do i m terrified of it i m turning i ve maybe driven thirty time in my entire 0 year of owning a license i don t know what it is the idea of crashing the traffic i ve gotten away with it so far living in nyc but it s something i want to do more of i just never seem to be able to do so doe anyone have any tip any advice they could recommend thank you,1
for context the last year of my life ha been filled with bad mistake regret fear anxiety attack and existential crisis that have left me feeling numb and indifferent to people i believe i ve become emotionally unattached and this ha created a fear in me that i may have lost the ability to fall in love or never wa able to from the first place am i overthinking this or is there more to my struggle,1
hey r anxiety i didn t know where to put this but figured it s mainly a side effect of my anxiety so i went with here i ll just get into it i m a 9 yo male that s been diagnosed with anxiety and other disorder mdd odd adhd polysubstance addiction this may sound weird but i wanted to know if you guy recluse by choice a someone who want to have friend and a strong social aspect in life but just doesn t have the social skill to i m curious if you have a similar experience knowing that it s not a choice is probably the hardest part for me like i see everyone out having fun spending the day with their friend and it destroys me inside knowing that i don t won t ever have that i live on the sideline which make me want to stay inside even more to avoid seeing that and feeling so i sit in my room the whole day getting high the only other place i go to is my job which i can t even look up at eye level out of fear of accidently making eye contact with someone i just feel like everyone s automatically put off by me which then make me act in a way that actually doe put them off i just want someone to talk to that s not either my mom or my dad i thought about it and realized that once my parent die i will have nobody which at that point what s my life worth,1
someone who i know also suffers from anxiety also told me that everything will be fine and those are word i sort of never am able to grasp and i think he saw the look on my face that these word almost didn t make sense to me,1
so i went to the hospital yesterday after having an anxiety attack and i still do have anxiety a i m typing this i wa just wondering if the level rise in the blood during stress my wbc count wa at 0 and my neutrophil count wa at 9 i wa just wondering if anxiety and stress brings them up i also deal with costochondritis so you can see why i have anxiety because my chest is always tight,1
aripiprazole for some background i m and have diagnosed panic disorder ocd and i m getting an assessment for adhd my psychiatrist also said i have a mood disorder possibly mdd or bipolar she hasn t officially diagnosed me yet i took zoloft for about month it made me incredibly restless even more so than i wa before for of those month i wa taking aripiprazole on the side i noticed zoloft wa helping with my anxiety but not with my depression my main concern is that i recently got taken off the zoloft because it wasn t working i expected to be prescribed a different antidepressant to try but no now i m solely taking aripiprazole do you guy have any experience with aripiprazole i m really scared to be taking it by itself a i wa already going through a hard time where i didn t have any energy and aripiprazole make me more tired which is usually balanced out by zoloft but without zoloft i m scared i ll become a zombie i m also a bit concerned about long term side effect doe anyone know anything about those thank you in advance,1
i m feeling so anxious my heart is beating fast and i m shaking i know my doctor is going to be ok but it s been a long time since i ve talked to a psychiatrist and now i am so worried that i am gon na forget to tell everything that s bothering me i can t make eye contact because of my social anxiety can t sit still feel the need to move around the room i m gon na ask the doctor for some new and stronger med because the one i m taking at the moment are not working a they should i hope that it s going to okay,1
i ve been on venlafaxine for year or so it helped at first but it hasn t helped whatsoever in quite some time i take 0mg in the morning the last month my anxiety and panic ha been absolutely crippling debilitating and unbearable i called the dr today and he called in a prescription to increase me from 0mg to mg i hate taking any medication or pill whatsoever especially increasing a dosage anyone had any good result from a venlafaxine increase after taking the same dosage for such a long time,1
so i am very fortunate that my husband ha financially provided for u while i have been going to school and working on my mental health i have one more year left and had to transfer for his job and determined that i would get something part time a well a finish my degree i applied to a school district job and got called back for an interview i m beyond excited and of course anxious i m trying not to pester those around me too much but my mind is reeling with all these thought a well a worry for me going back to work mainly if i ll be able to keep up to standard for a company and if i ll be able to communicate effectively in a professional environment a i have struggled with it in the past this could also be effected by the fact i m neurodivegent but i m not entirely sure the interview is wednesday i m going to journal to help get my jitter out and thought i reach out to other anxious individual who maybe had to deal with a similar transition also i haven t established a new therapist yet but that will be taken care of in the next few week so i need to talk about this somewhere tldr i m really moving forward in my life which is exciting but feel really anxious about it,1
i m a very confident guy i m very socal and can speak to anyone but for some reason i have this weird like i dunno anxiety attack thing so basically i could be having a random chat but quite often if someone say something that could be deemed wrong or bad or something that i could potentually be hiding when im not i go bright red really hot itchy and im all awkward and can bairly make word out even if they arnt even talking to me directly here is some example i wa talking to a fellow work mate about our personal preference in woman i said i prefer smaller petite girl with small boob and he said nahh i dissagree it like a child s body and boom my brain somehow ha this attack that make me seem like i like kid or another one could be playing never have i ever and someone say never have i ever sucked a cock and boom it ll happen itll make it look like im hiding the fact that i ve sucked a cock which i havent could be anything along those line and i hate it and i always try my hardest to avoid any convos which could lead to anything like that i m a prison officer so sometimes they bring up corrupt officer in convos and it hit me so hard and they look at me funny like im hiding the fact that i m corrupt which i m not i hate it what is this and how can i fix it,1
panic disorder is one type of anxiety disorder the main characteristic of panic disorder is the occurrence of panic attack a panic attack is a sudden onset of fear even without an apparent cause the physical symptom of a panic attack such a shortness of breath racing heart and chest pain http www healthgrades com right care symptom and condition pain can often make people feel http familydoctor org condition panic disorder a though they are having a heart attack http www healthgrades com right care heart attack heart attack while most people will experience a panic attack at some point in their life those with panic disorder experience them on a more regular basis panic attack can occur http www nimh nih gov health publication panic disorder when fear overwhelms anywhere from several time per day to only a few time per year the fear of the next panic attack can affect your daily life and cause you to avoid place and situation where you had a panic attack before panic disorder often begin in the late teenage year or in early adulthood people assigned female at birth are more likely to develop panic disorder than male if you have had at least two panic attack with no clear cause followed by approximately month of feeling fear that another attack may happen contact your doctor,1
ive definitely had a panic attack before but im not sure if the breakdown i often get are panic attack and if the one i know wa one wa just really extreme if that make any sense during the one i know wa for sure a panic attack lasted for hour and i couldnt stand up from shaking so much felt like i wa on the verge of throwing up passing out uncontrollably cry and hyperventilating lot of shaking all over huuge cold sweat and then i think i had a big sense of an impending doom or like my world wa completely broken without any hope i cant remember very well how i wa feeling emotionally sorry is that how every attack feel or wa that just an extreme one i frequently have breakdown where i emotionally feel the worst dread for every second like i cant cope at all anymore with my emotion leading to suicidal thought and like im completely unneeded or unloved by anyone and these come with painful cry hyperventilating a little shaking but i can still walk around think ok so im not really sure what to call these breakdown because emotionally theyre worse than a panic attack but physically im ok idk what to do about them though it make me feel like a different person and idk if im slowly losing my sanity it scary haha what do you guy think ive only been experiencing intense anxiety compared to how i wa feeling before for maybe month now and idk if it normal or if im really really not ok,1
doe anybody else here get extreme anxiety and panic when you send a text to someone like asking a question or anything and they don t reply back or iphone user can see if they ve read the text message i literally spiral and i don t know how to deal with it sometimes they reply to me and sometimes they don t and when they don t i automatically think i m the problem or it ha something to do with me basically,1
i called my doctor and told them buspirone wasn t doing anything for my anxiety attack and they said they d put in another prescription i just picked it up and it s called hydralazine but i can t find anything online about it being used for anxiety just hydroxyzine i had already taken it upon noticing this and now my anxiety is spiked,1
i need help managing this idk what s causing it but you know when like you anticipate something happening and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach it literally make me feel terrible it s been happening since my toxic ex and i ended which wa year ago i wa on medication and stopped because it s only gotten worse overtime i don t think it ha anything to do with that i m sick of this feeling edit i only don t feel anxiety when i m drunk which is weird considering a lot of people i know get heightened anxiety,1
hi everyone i faced my fear and flew from vancouver to calgary 0 flight time it wa a bumpy ride but i took an ativan before and didn t feel too anxious now i woke up to news about the plane crash in china and i m super scared to get on my returning flight home i feel so hopeless because i need to get home but i m so scared to fly please re assure me,1
hi all m this past week wa my spring break so i decided to take a trip to visit my best friend in la who moved out here permanently when she left for la i wa so sad but so happy for her to get out of the environment of our hometown neither her or i belong there she took the step though and i feel a if i never can because i m to empathetic for my own good i could barely cope if i didn t hear from my mom once and day and it s exhausting i m like this on another note i m having new anxiety a i leave tomorrow for my flight i m so nervous she hate me now and will never want to speak to me ever again i didn t realize how heartbroken i d be leaving her again it s like i m reliving her leave our hometown what do i do,1
i ve come to the conclusion that after year of therapy med and coping technique and never fully recovering i must have an overactive or damaged nervous system ha anyone else experienced this and if so do you have any tip on how to get started on healing it,1
i m starting a new job tomorrow and i m extremely anxious about it i m excited to start this new chapter but i just wish i didn t feel so nauseous right now i ve come really far in overcoming my anxiety but i ve taken everything slowly one baby step at a time this is a huge step the only job i ve had in the past year is instacarting grocery shop amp delivery that i started month ago i did everything at my own pace day a week and maybe a few order a day this job i m starting is hour shift time a week i shouldn t have set myself up for so much but i need to start working towards my career a a dog groomer and this bathing job is an incredible opportunity to do so my living situation is changing soon in that i will need to bring money to the table so i didn t have much of a choice the worst part is i can t actually bathe any dog until i ve learned from the other groomer how to do it which will take time so i worry that the day will go by really slowly because i won t even be doing anything or getting paid until i am ready to start bathing which i don t know how long that will take a friend of mine who work there in the pet store not in the grooming room pulled a lot of string for me with the bos a well my entire family and boyfriend family know i m starting tomorrow and are so happy to see me finally starting to do something meaningful they ve all had a problem with my not working for year because of my anxiety i just feel like not only for my sake but for everyone else s sake i can not screw this up i feel like i m throwing myself into the deep end and hoping i can swim,1
i m tired of working with others i like people i like meeting people some people are shitty some are amazing i have anxiety and this week i don t feel like going into the office to work i want to stay at home and not see anyone i don t even work in a big building i work in another city from the corporate office there s only other people who work in the office i do i didn t want to see them or anyone today this particular company is rough right now it s a fairly new company only a few year old and maybe 00 0 employee it s a toxic work place it s lot of strong personality but no leader people resistant to change and some people who don t work there s no leader no accountability i would love work from home but not for another random company i d like to make my own small business it suck working for other people especially company that don t care what happens a long a the work get done,1
a few year ago there wa a pretty big hurricane that went straight through our city and i thought i wasn t affected by it until i started noticing that i get super anxious when it start to rain really hard or there s a lot of wind i noticed this bc i used to love the rain and now i start to shake when it happens anyway i m writing this because it s currently pretty windy maybe 0 mph my anxiety is already spiking because of that but i just checked the weather and saw that tornado were possible for the south aka where i live they kept saying possible not likely not low just possible so now i m terrified that the worst will happen our roof will blow off something my mom said she wa scared would happen during the hurricane and i ve remember that moment ever since our power will go out a tornado will end up forming etc the gust of wind alone are putting me on the verge of a panic attack and this weather wind cloud possible thunderstorm is supposed to go on for most of the week i feel like this is irrational but like i said i can t help but feel my heartbeat go up every time i hear the wind,1
when you lay down to sleep and your head keep running thought which either give you guilt or anxiety and you can not stop and reach a state when you have to smack your head with head which cause some pain but give relax for sometime a now your brain focus on pain you have caused by smacking instead of running those stupid thought,1
i started this job five month ago and i wa really anxious starting it it my first job and now i am pretty comfortable there my bos and manager really like me and have asked me to be a manager this is exciting and everything but the change horrifies me my schedule is changing and i really like my current schedule and loosing that feel like i am loosing everything the thing that scare me the most is they said i would need training at another location for 0 hour one week being part time this feel like i am loosing all my own time i am scared of the responsibility and feel like i shouldn t have taken the job,1
i need to go to some routine female doctor appointment i am absolutely terrified i haven t gone to a doctor in year i don t even have a primary care doctor i know i m being irrational and stupid about it i m afraid that they re going to tell me i m dying or something doe anyone else feel this way,1
i know i am not the thing my inner thought tell me i am but damn it hard to shut off the voice that tell me i m dumb fat will never succeed it s like my mind race telling me that i hate myself at worst i can even go towards thought of death and pointlessness,1
every time i get out the house i start to panic and shake my grandma just got into the hospital and i feel so overwhelmed by everything i feel like the world is putting everything on my shoulder right now and every breath i cave in it s like i don t have anyone to talk to about my problem like it doesn t seem like anyone want to hear me or listen to me so why bother i just feel like i should just close down and shut myself in,1
please tell me if this isn t the sub for this i ve been preparing an exam for a couple of month but everytime i try to revise it s like everything ive written down is wrong so i go over the material again and find bit that i didn t catch the first time and it s the same the next week it happens so much that i end up going over the same 0 page text like ten time even worse when i go to my note i don t get them i just recognize the word i m using when i find the passage in the source i took the note from i m really tired and almost feel like i have some kind of brain problem i assure you i m not a perfectionist i d be completely happy knowing only just enough to pas but it seems like i never even get the basic right i m assuming it s some sort of anxiety because it can t be explained by being a slow learner i ve been pretty constant with my study schedule just not assimilating anything i don t have any diagnosed learning disability i ve been to a psychologist a couple of year ago and she said so when i asked her so it can t be that either ha anybody got a similar experience did you manage to get through it i d appreciate any help,1
i ve been off work for a week due to a neck injury i hate missing work i feel major guilt that others are working harder for my not being there i also have issue believing that coworkers bos will think that i m lying i don t know why i think this i had a doctor note for the first week off and my bos responded with i can t keep covering your shift i m having to pick up all the slack i explained it wa out of my control and i wa sorry for the extra work put on them cut to now a week later i thought i would be ok by now to go back in to work but i m still not well enough i have a physical job and neck nerve compression is making those movement difficult instead of just saying i wasn t ok to come back yet i said a small lie exaggerating why i wasn t able to work i said i had to go to emergency they checked me out and i m ok it instantly made my anxiety go from a 0 to a knowing the response back couldn t be a aggressive a the first i got from my bos i feel bad for lying i shouldn t have to lie i m actually injured but it made my anxiety much better is it ok to tell a small lie if it doesn t hurt anyone and it make you feel better,1
i just doubt and am insecure about everything specifically my emotion a well a my time management and productivity for example i will feel tired then i ll think am i actually tired what doe tired even feel like am i just imagining and making this up i do this with every emotion including happiness and excitement it s ruined how i feel emotion i don t feel any of them anymore because i doubt them so much i just feel numb how can i start feeling emotion normally again and stop doubting them,1
i met with my new psychiatrist today and she wa super nice and honestly so much better than the last one i m happy i have her now and i like her a lot i just forgot to ask her about the new medication i m taking so i already take wellbutrin and remeron i wa taking hydroxyzine but she just changed that out for propranolol which really isn t the one i m nervous for i m nervous because she prescribed me viibrid i m working my way up to 0mg i wouldn t be nervous about it if i wasn t on remeron which i take mg and it s really only to sleep and that s it it doesn t do anything else the thing is i know both of these drug can increase serotonin and i m terrified of serotonin syndrome especially since i m going to be going away from my house for a little while i called the pharmacy to ask about the interaction and they said at the dosage i m at is a very low change but i m still a bit scared ha anyone taken these medication together and been okay or doe anyone know if i will be okay if i do take them together,1
i hate how my body reacts to anxiety by making me ill this last year ha been horrible for me because of it i d say most of the time it s manageable but it s still so exhausting on an emotional and physical level usually it s the standard nausea puking headache whatever but this last three week i ve had a faux cold a in i don t actually have a cold during the part of the day i m stressed out i have horrible symptom but when i m home after school or on the weekend or if i skip because of anxiety said cold go away which is so bizarre to me because i ve had the extreme nausea diarrhea etc that come with anxiety but never sinus related i mean i end up having a terribly runny nose or having hot flash to nothing when i m able to get away from stress the other day i literally had symptom of an ear infection supposedly stress worsens your immune system and i already have allergy so this is probably how that s happening but it s just awful i want to lay down and rest for a few day a if it wa a real cold but i don t need it of course i need to figure out how to settle the emotional stress somehow but i think it s just me being anxious because it s end of the grading session typing this out gave me a headache lmao i hate all of this,1
i m going into surgery in le than hour and it s really starting to sink in i already have pretty bad medical anxiety from past childhood trauma i wa a cancer kid i ve been stress cleaning all day and keeping myself distracted but it just kinda hit me that when i wake up i will be going in like there s not more time left between and my anxiety is building rapidly some advice or encouragement would be appreciated,1
but it s hard when your heart randomly start beating out of your chest all the time and your stomach feel fluttery and you can t sleep or if you do fall asleep you wake up panicking for no apparent reason,1
i guess i just need to vent but i also feel really guilty about all this for context we re on vacation and today we went to find one of the stop which wa one of the national park on the way there i had a panic attack but i m not too sure why i think it s possible that it wa because my mom wa driving too fast but that seems dumb since i m used to it by now anyways my panic attack are basically just me cry and zoning out with quick breathing on the way to the park i had the panic attack and after we finished the tour i told my mom how embarrassed i felt about it and she said not to worry about it and that it s no big deal well a few hour later i got hungry and we went to get mcdonalds but i had another panic attack on the way back to the hotel this time my mom got really mad at me and said you know if you can t handle going on vacation and stress out this easily then you should just stay home i felt really bad about it but i didn t apologize because i just feel like she will get more angry now she s giving me the silent treatment and neither one of u even ate the food we bought i feel so awful because i feel like i had those two panic attack over something so stupid and ruined the vacation,1
hi all going through a break up and the anxiety is so overwhelming right now to the point where i can t even think about food without getting nauseous i know i can t sustain myself this way but i just don t feel like i can get any food down i wa thinking i might just get some high cal protein shake or something ha anyone found a better solution to getting food in thanks,1
so whether it is my phone or a phone from some youtube video it doe not matter whenever i hear a phone ring that ha that weird vibration sound or when alarm clock vibrates it really get me feeling uneasy to the point that it bother me very very much do any of you know what it may be,1
i don t eat junk drink only water and tea don t eat dairy and even tried stopping with gluten not taking any med,1
i m don t know how to explain it but any affection make me genuinely sick to my stomach it s weird because i m a loving person i try to be kind to everyone and help a much a i can maybe sometimes a little too much even with the smallest thing i try to come through and help because something inside me genuinely just say i should do it i can never respond correctly to any compliment and always try to find a way move around it or i just quickly think of a way to compliment them back so it doesn t feel one sided is that weird the only time i don t feel a way about it is when my mom dad or sister compliment me i try to interact with people but feel like they genuinely don t care about what i have to say and a lot of the time i don t know if it s in my head or if it s true when i get invited to meet i want to say something but never do and kind of just stay there silent listening a lot of the time i feel like i make my friend super uncomfortable too i can only come up with so much to say and usually just hope there s is more than one person there when i do talk i never know what to say or stumble over my word figuring out how to say it to the point where they interrupt me to conclude the conversation or move on don t get me started with romantic stuff every time i think about being in a relationship i genuinely want to vomit i feel so sick my stomach hurt it s also terrible because i really want to be in one someone to have loving bond with a two sided support system ups and down all that good stuff sometimes i imagine it too but when i do i physically get so ill like i m gon na throw up kinda feel like i m rambling but i don t understand what all this is tldr simple affection make me feel sick or uncomfortable even though i m a person who love to make others feel great and do my best to help them all,1
ah well today wa my first day at university it wa okay kinda i had fun with the friend i had but there wa also a lot of stuff that made me feel small and pathetic first of all a friend and i got to the wrong building and went up four floor using the stair we had to go down and do so again with the right one it s embarrassing to admit but i m not exactly an active person so it left me exhausted and kinda dizzy i felt pathetic and wished no one wa there to see me like that i got together with my group of friend after that and to be honest i m irritated at myself for not talking more it made me feel kind of excluded even though i know that wasn t the fault of my friend after that i got lost when i had to go back in train because someone in my family said they were gon na give me a ride but didn t give me the right direction got blasted on phone for being late and when i got home i felt really awful i hate causing others inconvenience and i felt like i totally did when i wa eating a bit once i got back i noticed something strange in my mouth and whaddya know the gum behind the third molar is swollen but doesn t hurt my brain went into overdrive and now assumes it s my wisdom tooth even when this ha happened before and it wa nothing i m tired,1
i am not sure if this is possible and i appreciate any information a few year ago i wa diagnosed with clinical anxiety depression and adhd i wa relieved and terrified and so sad it took me until adulthood to learn this about myself i began medicating under the direction of my psychiatrist after about a year i changed from zoloft to prozac due to weight gain i began experiencing night sweat for the first time in my life about month ago it wa sporadic for month or so than became nightly now it ha worsened to the point that i wake up multiple time a night to change sheet and pajama i m not wetting the bed but truly soaking it through with my sweat in a degree room with minimal blanket i ve had to replace plastic bed protector mattress cover and even my mattress i believe i am having panic attack while i am asleep and i am unable to remember them assuming i would remember having a nightmare at the same time or be semi lucid what could paralyze me in sleep while having normal pleasant dream and cause excessive night sweat my change in medication did not correlate with the onset or increase in the night sweat i have had blood test mri pulmonary exam allergy test ultra sound and more no western doctor or my psychiatrist ha been able to find anything unusual that would explain the night sweat tl dr extreme night sweat begin in adulthood with no obvious cause desperately looking for advice on what might help edit 9 f,1
older people tend to treat young people with anxiety like it s just a new trend and not a serious disorder affecting our daily life constantly trust me i wish i didn t have to demand wfh indefinitely because i ve been almost exclusively working from home for two year and it fucked me up anxiety wise i wish you understood how me not really talking to anyone once i m in the office or opting out of group activity isn t about being a bitch it s because one interaction can mess with my brain for hour and for day if i deemed it wrong in any way it s because i know i ll have to be buzzed on pill the entire time just to have a somewhat decent time i wish i wasn t like this just a much a you wish gen y and or z wouldn t complain about anxiety ruining their life to be lazy and avoid working a hard a you do or whatever you think it mean i wish i didn t experience this incapacitating and invisible disorder every single day of my life,1
so usually night time is the one time of day where i feel almost entirely anxiety free but over the last month or so i ve been having very strong anxiety when going to bed and not in an overthinking kind of way my irrational childish fear about demon and monster have been crawling back in my mind for the first time in year and i have absolutely no idea why i can t stop thinking of horrible scenario that have to do with freaky thing in general and i feel mentally attacked by negativity that i haven t really felt before i m certain it s just a phase but i m still curious if anyone might have an idea to any simple psychological factor or cause i don t watch horror film i don t take any anxiety inducing medication i ve had no recent trauma or past trauma that hasn t been dealt with and i have been trying and succeeding at not worrying too much about what s going on in the world,1
thick fog of dread in the front of my head that disconnect me from my interest appetite and ability to feel anything remotely close to ok and it s there tf is this,1
i have suffered with shortness of breath due to anxiety ever since i wa diagnosed with gad generalized anxiety disorder about year ago doe anyone else have this it just feel like i will stop breathing doe anyone have any coping mechanism around this a it s really horrible a well a shortness of breath i also feel shaky and tingly and i have no idea how to calm down when i have these episode,1
anyone else feel this or is it just me,1
wa feeling fine today and i smoked a cig i know i know and i couldn t remember if i washed my hand before or after touching something like greasy like earlier i remember wiping some wd 0 off my hand lol just a bit i think i m good but overthinking wa fine otherwise lol sorry,1
i ve been diagnosed with anxiety for about year now and a far a i can remember i ve never had a full on panic attack before or after my diagnosis for a few day now i ve been having random panic attack multiple time every day i start to tremble and i get major butterfly in my stomach i also can t breathe dry easily and start to sweat a lot what s weird though is that i can think perfectly fine and i can keep doing whatever i m doing while all this happens i can t pin point anything specific that is going on in my life that could be causing this nothing that make me anxious is happening right now i ve never learned any proper coping mechanism to combat this kind of thing either i m not sure what to do,1
i always dealt with anxiety growing up primarily social anxiety however it never bothered me much and i learned to control it however about a week ago i woke up in the middle of the night shaking with a pounding heart i shrugged it off and went to sleep within a few day later i wa starting to fall asleep when my body jolted and i had a panic attack it took me about 0 minute to get over then i went to work without sleeping within a short time at work i felt sickly nausea chill fatigue many symptom all at once i rushed home and the symptom didnt leave for day a week ha gone by and i am still expierencing some sickly symptom but the worst part is the anxiety everyday atleast twice my mind freak out i can not sleep well my heart ha been beating rapidly etc i went to a counselor it ha not helped medicine calm me but the sickly feeling doesn t go away i do not enjoy work out anymore loss of appetite i can not be alone a much bc my mind flip out i have never felt so uncomfortable sick and weak in my life i am usually a closed book but i am open to anything now this is the most miserable i have been in my life a dramatic a that sound,1
i ran out of ativan and have been waiting for my refill i also didn t understand the danger of taking it until now i can t really remember how long of a period i wa taking it i ve been prescribed 0 which i take of them every night to fall asleep i am sure i have had break because once my prescription run out i normally take some herbal stuff my question is i am day without ativan do i just quit cold turkey or keep taking it goal is not to be taking ativan anymore,1
i need someone to calm me down i have a stutter and a couple day ago my best friend friend wa making fun of somebody with a stutter cause he s not aware i have one ever since then i realized how easy it is for people to talk behind people s back ever since then i ve wondered if anyone make fun of behind my back and i ve been taking individual people asking myself do i think they d make fun of me on one of my post regarding this someone said they went through this and ended up getting psychosis and paranoia that s one of my biggest fear and a i read that i almost had a panic attack and that wa like 0 minute ago and i still have that panic attack feeling and my vision feel very messed up and fuzzy like how a panic attack would be i m terrified this mean i m going crazy and i can t shake this feeling now that i m scared it mean i m going crazy i m thinking about it more i know anyone can be made fun of and i m no different am i going crazy i didn t have any ocd fear a this thought popped up it s only now since someone commented that and i m so freaked out can anyone help,1
feel anxious when i dont follow my routine exactly for example i usually do the same task at work but do know how to do other task non are hard and take a few day to learn but however whenever i deviate from what i normally do i feel anxious that something bad will happen it doesnt make sense because i have done it before and have experience but still feel scared,1
i ve only known my boyfriend for month official for he ha briefly opened up about having anxiety all i know is that he ha previously been medicated for it but not currently today after i left his place he messaged to apologise incase he came off odd he wa feeling anxious for no particular reason and that it just happens sometimes i told him not to worry about it now just before i go to sleep i messaged him to see how he wa he seemed fine initially but when i asked he stopping answering so regularly i m not sure if asking him wa the right thing to do i want to make it known that i care and that i m thinking of him but i m not sure if that make it worse i have never known how to help friend with anxiety either since it seems to be so rooted in not being able to talk about it,1
for about a week now i ve been experiencing extreme anxiety and panic restlessness a need to move my leg etc it s been waking me up in the middle of the night or it hard for me to fall asleep bc the sensation is just so uncomfortable i also feel wired and like i have all of this insane amount of energy i have no pain and my heart beat honestly seems pretty normal maybe slightly elevated at time however i keep getting this weird uncomfy fluttering tingling sensation in the middle of my chest that will not go away it is so hard to describe a little bit of butterfly in my stomach a well a slight nausea i notice with some cbd i can calm down and feel alright but i don t know if anyone else experience this it almost feel like my body is actively fighting a panic attack for day on end i ve been to the dr like time in the past month and have had ton of blood work done and had low vitamin d and low iron but i ve been on supplement now and have been feeling better there wa no other concern from my dr so i don t know if this is health anxiety or from something like gerd i just fear i m either crazy or i m dying or it s both,1
hey guy i m a year old male who just recently give or take 0 day ago quit vaping and ever since about day after quitting i ve been having this uncontrollable illness anxiety constantly every day thinking i might have some sort of terminal physical disease i have no idea what ha been bringing this on i quit vaping to get rid of any anxiety it may have been causing me before such a paranoia thinking every car behind me while i m driving wa a cop or the like doctor prescribed me a mg x day dose of buspirone and it seems to help but i ve also been avoiding it during the day because i m afraid it might make me dizzy while i m doing certain activity last night out of nowhere i got really lightheaded dizzy vertigo and it scared me thinking if i tried to sleep it off it might be the end for me i stayed up most of the night with severe tremor because that s what my body doe when it panic my question overall is do you all think it s due to the nicotine withdrawal and that it ll get better over time i seriously don t know if i can live like this,1
i m starting to feel afraid that my husband is trying to sneak stuff into my food i wa feeling this way then he finished making food for tonight and i told him i wasn t hungry but he kept pressuring me to eat which made me feel even worse i ate some of the food because everyone got food from the same container so i felt like it would be ok i don t believe that he would do this but i also don t believe he wouldn t i feel sick to my stomach with anxiety,1
after a little trip to the er the doctor there gave me a week worth of ativan to help with panic attack my doctor now want me to take klonopin instead i don t want to be dependent on either of these two but i used ativan every night for 9 night to calm down from a panic attack is it dangerous to switch from ativan mg to klonopin 0 mg just worried about the stuff i read on seizure and my hand cramp a little after i take ativan,1
somebody please give me some kind word waiting for my clonezapam to kick in,1
my stomach is hurting all day from anxiety i have constipation what can i do to help this breathing is hard and it feel tight so i can t even breath properly no matter what so trying to breath properly wouldn t help because it feel impossible when my stomach and chest feel tight,1
i am male and getting my dream education right now and will be working with young people that can t live with their parent for a multitude of reason anymore in year after year of being aimless i found that to be my dream job i am together with a nice girl and we have great chemistry i am living in my own flat and my grade and praxis are is going great i got professional help after a major mental breakdown i had year ago that made me live like a plant and got over severe depression and constant panic attack panic attack are rare and i know my trigger and how to deal with them i am confident in myself and got to reflect on my messed up childhood and problematic personality trait a couple of week ago i started feeling really anxious tho by far more than usual i am afraid of dying for stupid bodily reason and i am always so tense and have ache in my stomach and neck and my heart beat really fast from time to time and i am afraid my girlfriend will leave me that s what i am most anxious about she is really good for me and she told me that i am good for her but lately she act distant while still showing me affection in way because she isn t doing that good aswell there are reason for her to feel bad besides me but i am afraid that i might be a big reason because she wa confronted with a lot of my anxiety related issue logically i would say she won t leave me because gave me thoughtful present and still care for me by reminding me to eat and she sometimes say she miss me but she behaves so distant and it s triggering me so hard because of a toxic relationship i wa in i decided not to talk about my anxiety anymore because i don t want to lay that upon her and i told her about my abandonment issue once and will leave it at that because i don t want her to feel bad everytime she behaves distant because of her own issue that would be selfish hell she even told me she won t stop loving me even if she cant express it but my anxiety is still there the worst thing is that she doesn t want to speak about what s bothering her because she doesn t want to think about it which make me feel like it s me and then i feel like an asshole because i am not the center of the world so yeah long story short my abandonment issue are the worst thing right now i decided not to bother her with it because it s not fair but i don t know how to deal with it oh and those issue wouldn t be so bad if i weren t so anxious in general the general anxiety came with the practical part of my education but i don t know why because i am doing good i will be done with that in week and that s when i will meet her again and i hope that everything will be okay by then but i am afraid that i will be sabotaging myself before then by ruining my relationship just so that the anxiety go away,1
when i got my diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder i wa very optimistic and relieved i had been living with this condition for many year completely unaware the diagnosis wa a spark of hope perhaps one day i d be able to recover with the proper combination of therapy and medication year later now i must admit i feel exhausted with life it s really depressing to live with the knowledge that i have to be constantly alert to my condition or it will spiral and get worse yes treatment can help but needing to continually use cbt meditation grounding technique etc just to do the thing normal people do without difficulty is infuriating i feel like this isn t nearly talked about enough in mental health circle anxiety and depression are portrayed often a condition which can be fixed with the right cocktail and not also sometimes a life long condition which can exhaust not only you but your loved one i don t know just feeling bitter today,1
i ve been having these the entire day but i had sore throat since yesterday anybody else know what it is,1
over the past couple month i have been suffering a lot with my anxiety i am in an environment where i am surrounded by people who dont care for me are blantantly rude and fake and pressure me beyond belief i am exhausted and want to be happy i m not saying for a second that i am perfect and nice all the time im a know it all socially awkward lack of an ability to stand up for myself but i miss being around the few people that love me and share my interest while i am around bad people i am in a place where i am in a place surrounded by thing i love i cant miss out on this i need to grow and be more confident i can live an adventurous life alone i dont need company i dont need a boyfriend and i don t need friend with me all the time i have been taking leap and going to museum and social public setting all by myself ivd been taking it slow and going to one place everyday or every other day i allow myself to lay in bed after and sleep i am so unbelieveably anxiois and distressed when i am out doing these thing but i am seeing thing i truly love i am experiemcing life i am going on an oit of city trip for a few day soon and i am excited to push my limit a i lay im bed stressed in pain and sleep deprived i am still pushing myself in the morning to go on another adventure by myself,1
i ve finally been put on med after year of pushing through my anxiety the idea of going on med wa scary but i m hoping it ll be better in the long run the only issue i m having so far is i m so tired i m normally not this tired but i swear all weekend i ve just been sleeping i have no motivation to do anything i just want to sleep i m hoping that this will go away a my body adjusts more a part of me is scared that the drowsiness won t go away i m happy that i have this week off from work to try to get myself used to them before going back to work i don t want to be tired like this forever,1
i dont think i can do this i am so paralyzed with fear and dont know if i can make myself go in even if i do what if i have a panic attack and embarrass myself what if i am not smart enough and mess everything up customer will probably be mad at me for being so slow im so scared i dont know how to talk with people small talk and all of that how do i not sound awkward i wont be alone because someone is training me and that make me so nervous because theyre watching my every move for eight hour,1
over the past few year i ve had trouble with relationship being irritable weird eating pattern and suddenly being overcome with fear that i can not shake i have avoided telling anyone in fear of self diagnosing so my question is how do i know if it s time to see a doctor,1
last night i had a bad night and a lot of suicidal thought i spend probably hr thinking if it wa worth it or not i didn t do it of course this morning my friend texted me and told me she dream that i killed myself in front of her she doesn t know i have depression and an eating disorder now i m scared that if i ever kill myself she s going to blame herself she told me that in the dream she felt guilty because she wa there,1
i have to attend this place once every week and while i m there my mouth constantly generates saliva due to me being nervous this then lead to constant swallowing and i m a little worried people might start to notice is there any way around this any advice is greatly appreciated,1
so in december i wa admitted to a mental hospital after developing psychosis i only had delusion no hallucination they ruled out schizophrenia and left it at marijuana induced i have a medical card although fitting the timeline i received a covid vaccine and wa hit hard with covid a week later right before all of this i did research into what other reason cause psychosis and covid and or the vaccine actually ha caused psychosis due to neurological damage from the virus i have always struggled with anxiety and have been on lexapro for the last year although nothing could prepare me for the withdrawal i had when stopping zyprexa i reached a point where i had an existential crisis which lead to existential depression while trying to recover i m a person who hyper fixates on thing so of course i couldn t stop thinking what s the point of doing anything i lost interest in literally everything i wa prescribed wellbutrin which helped me out of bed but did not let allow me to just relax outside of work i used to love movie video game etc now i can t even enjoy those thing without being in my head about how much i dislike everything i m curious though i m stopping wellbutrin today and have been switching over to buspar and lexapro combination while on wellbutrin i couldn t get drunk or high no matter how many shot 0 within a few hour i m definitely not going to continue that habit but wa curious if anyone else had this issue and did it resolve once stopping wellbutrin i don t mind living a simple life i have a good girlfriend good family good job and live in a small town in oklahoma i own a gym so some of my hobby are lifting weight and doing yoga but i can t obviously do that i need to be able to turn off my mind and watch some television or game i m hoping once i start being able to smoke again i ll be able to start enjoying the relaxation of video game and television also how is buspar tldr had psychosis developed existential depression on wellbutrin but i can t get high or drunk will that resolve when stopping also how wa buspar for your obsessive thought,1
having difficulty swallowing fear or choking always needing water beside me wa one of my first symptom of anxiety before i knew i had anxiety that wa about year ago and that symptom still follows me around and is one of the most annoying symptom my anxiety ha manifested over the year and i ve had it all but i just realized that when eating chocolate i don t have the same fear a any other food i can swallow chocolate perfectly fine put a plate of food in front of me and on my worst day it take me forever or i can t eat put chocolate in front of me and i can eat it easily quickly and without fear seems odd i wonder if it s due to the reward center in your brain when you eat sugar more or le curious if this is common or just me,1
ha anyone used seroquel at night for sleep and vrylar or palipidone in the morning my son need seroqual due to insomnia anxiety racing thought but we also need something throughout the day to keep his mood stable we have a call with his doctor this week but just wondering what others have done,1
hello everyone i m 0 year old and a mom of four i got into a 9 month course for a new career in the health industry and i have month left these two month are currently my extern hour i found a great office to do my externship in i have no issue with the staff but mentally i have been dealing with a lot i cry the day before i go into work i don t enjoy my weekend because all i do is think about my job i just lay in my bed and shove my face with food which is a whole other freaking problem panic attack happen daily and i feel like it s affecting my family my energy is off and my kiddos can feel it i honestly could say that i hate this career it s not for me i have dealt with anxiety my whole life but managed to keep job and actually enjoy them what should i do,1
i ve had a severe anxiety problem since i wa i m now i want to make a really good effort to find what the underlying problem causing my anxiety is when i try to think about it i just catch my self thinking very negative thought that are not necessarily true i realise this isnt much to go off for a good answer but i wa wondering what s the best way to really understand what my trigger are they seem random and unprovoked most of the time thank you,1
i would like to know if anyone ha experienced the same thing a me or at least close to it and how ha he coped or even solved it to get you up to speed last summer i had to go meet my long distance girlfriend and thats when it all started a week prior to her coming to see me i wa gagging when eating and generally feeling sick because i wa afraid worried of meeting her which wa not normal of me but it happend during that period i did not think any of it a i thought it would stop happening after i meet her and leave again but it stayed i have it when i am going to school and when i eat from the time i leave my house and reach the school i gag all the way but when i step my foot there it stop when i eat after i finish i will start gagging and fight with my self not to puke january of this year came and i had almost removed it from my daily life maybe because i got used to the thing i wa doing so they did not give me anxiety but when i have to do something out of the ordinary it get me for example when i went to a car meet week ago the day where the car meet wa hosted i wa feeling a bit sick and right before i left my house i puked out of anxiety i dont know how to remove it completely from my life all i want it to just live freely with out having to worry if my gagging anxiety will kick in if someone can help me or give me a tip i would gladly appreciate it,1
my lung and chest feel so weak for the last month i feel like i m not breathing properly and exercise make it worse the doctor have done load of test ecg x ray tube of blood everything came back normal and fine please help it s everyday and i feel like i m dying,1
um ok first time on reddit but i need some help or advice or something sorry for the long post in advance i just need to get this of my chest i can t talk about my interest without feeling like i m going to barf no matter who it is it s especially bad when i m trying to talk to my parent my brother love music he s always talking about it and we re supper close but i only recently started saying hey i know like that song when he s playing music he begs me to share my spotify with him but i just cant i know he won t judge me but i don t even think i m scared of being judged another time he asked to borrow my computer for school work and i panicked i have nothing to hide but i watch a lot of show and read a lot of comic so i save the tab so i can finish them later and got scared he would see them i said no multiple time and he kept asking he wouldn t stop i tried explaining to him explaining to him how i wa feeling multiple time and he just got angry and said alright what are you hiding and i panicked i didn t want him to think i wa hiding something so i just let him use it it wa fine but i felt sick for the rest of the day i also don t like being on my phone around people especially my parent i know they go through my stuff they ve never said anything about it but they ll mention stuff i ve only talked about online hi guy if you reading this o pls leave me alone my mom wanted to show me something so she asked to use my phone and i panicked because i wa on twitter and i have a account i post art on and i didn t want her to see none of my family or irl friend know about it because i m so embarrassed i said no but she just reached for it she didn t see my twitter though she wa really angry and started saying i wa hiding something i got my phone back though and i tried explaining why i get so defensive about my phone but she couldn t understand i almost cried there s so many time i ve seen something in the store i want but just couldn t ask i can t be on my phone without thinking that someone s watching me through it or i accidentally sense that post i liked to someone s contact or i m broadcasting what ever one my phone to everyone around me i have a habit of biting down on my tongue all the time because i m scared i m thinking out loud and just can t here myself i m always paranoid and my family think i m hiding something no one know any of my interest outside of my vague answer like oh i like art i like watching movie i play video game and i think it s starting to affect my relationship what s wrong with me,1
i ve had bad anxiety for five year and been diagnosed with panic disorder and ocd but the past three month are really scaring me i feel derealized dissociated almost all of the time i can barely go to class work drive even the grocery store because i have a fear of passing out or suddenly feeling disconnected from everything even fun thing i can t enjoy because i m so overwhelmed with anxiety and start questioning if everything is real or not i also feel like i can t even remember what feeling normal is supposed to feel like i don t know how bad my anxiety is anymore because i don t remember what the baseline feel like i m in the process of finding a psychiatrist but it seems like it s gon na be a while can anyone relate could really use some support tip right now,1
it s march st i m so worried i wont get a job after i graduate from grad school in july i ve had interview have even been the final round of some place too i am networking like crazy have solid internship experience and a decent resume but there s this voice in my head that s like oh lol why would they hire you how do y all stop overthinking about the future,1
i am deathly afraid of driving over an hour away from my town i hate the feeling that i m vulnerable to my car breaking down and me getting stuck over night somewhere is this stupid the fear is very intense and crippling the thought of having a panic attack somewhere off an interstate exit and being hundred of mile from anyone i know to bring me comfort,1
so i would describe myself a someone who is pretty high functioning in term of living with moderate anxiety although in certain triggering situation it can become completely debilitating and a huge obstacle to making progress in my life on wednesday i have a job interview and i am just nauseated and so anxious even thinking about it it s only 0 minute long but i think it s 0 0 whether i ll straight up have a panic attack during the interview and i m absolutely dreading it the inability to speak to think in a straight line to remember anything to breathe properly feeling totally disoriented i m not trying to manifest it here but it s just the reality of how my body reacts to these situation and in year of my working life i have never come close to conquering it i have a wonderful partner i have been with for nearly a year now but she ha never really seen what anxiety can do to me when it get bad i guess i ve just been really good at avoiding situation that trigger it she s very sympathetic and encourages me to prepare but it s clear she fundamentally doesn t know what it s like to be debilitated by situation to the point of panic attack i tried to explain but she think if i prep then i ll just be able to speak without issue but it just doesn t work like that for me at all prep can only get me so far and half the time i ll just get a few sentence out then descend into panic i am so anxious just thinking about wednesday that i ve barely made progress with my prep anyway although i ll try my best to do some more over the next couple of day sorry this is just a rant and isn t a very meaningful post i guess i m just desperate for people to understand how horrible it is to feel so anxious and to know you re basically setting yourself up for a potential panic attack with an audience hope i can find my courage to get through it,1
did quitting nicotine actually help anyone with their anxiety,1
not to include too much gross info but she had blood in the toilet she teleconferenced with her doc who ordered a colonoscopy not sure if anyone with a medical background is reading this but if so could it be anything else the doc said it may be polyp one thing she left out wa that she had noticed narrower stool which i read is a sign of colon cancer i m just trying to put my mind at a bit of ease,1
today i learned that nicotine can decrease the effectiveness of ssri,1
i went to the psychiatrist and he recommended drop of clonazepam mg every day before i go to college the place my anxiety is the worst im really afraid because i never took any medicine any advice,1
hello anxiety nauts amp x 00b for context i currently work in a job that i m supposed to love but cause me huge anxiety mainly because of the people in the workplace and the city that i ve had to move to i applied for a role at a different place that would allow me to live back at home with my parent live in an area that i know well would be a better use of my talent is better paid and is still in the field that i wish to work in i had an interview with them last week which i felt that it went very well and they said that they d get back to me today at the latest if i wa accepted for the second round i have so far heard nothing at all amp x 00b while it would really hurt to not get this job it s really sending me haywire that i ve heard not even a peek out of the employer today i m trying to grapple with the urge to ask for confirmation from them for fear of sounding desperate or needy even though i am pretty desperate by now i realise that i made the mistake of pinning my hope on this job but i couldn t help it amp x 00b i surely can t be the only person to be in this situation amp x 00b sorry to ramble hope you re all in a much better place than i am right now,1
it must be annoying to be my friend employer fellow employee or anyone else who need to contact me i am scared to death of receiving bad news from people bring angry at me plan not working out or more responsibility being added to my plate that i just out right avoid any news all together im really scared that the government is going to come after me for incorrect tax breaking law which i have unbeknownst broken ect so i just avoid any and all thing that they could contact me through i dont even like doorbell this ha damaged my gpa because i don t even look at my school website so i miss homework and even test i guess i m just paranoid feel like the end is always drawing near and i d rather not see it hit me but it hit me regardless and it s impact is worse because i dint see it coming but because it hit me it reaffirms that bad news is coming and the cycle continues,1
the past almost 0 month have been the hardest worst time of my life i ve always had a decent amount of anxiety and a little depression i wouldn t even call it depression just a little blue sometimes but these past 9 0 month have been so hard for me every day of my life i feel the deep almost debilitating heart beat making it hard to breathe waking up to that feeling is the worst thing i can describe just make me want to bawl when that s the first thing i experience when i wake up the constant feeling that i want to gag or puke from the anxiety having no true enjoyment out of anything no matter how hard i try i can only fake it i haven t been truly relaxed and at peace for so long i have a wife and a little daughter who i love so much i know they deserve so so much better than me the way i ve ruined their life with my depression and anxiety i know my wife get frustrated going thru this for almost a year i feel like i ve wasted the last 9 0 month of my daughter life and that absolutely kill me missing these special little moment playing more with her etc i just don t have the energy to like i should it kill me i try to talk about how i feel to my wife and my mom the only two i feel comfortable talking to my mom ha so much on her plate and my wife is going thru some family issue so i feel guilty even burdening them with my feeling and issue aka why i m posting here i honestly feel like i ve lost my mind and i m just so so so tired of feeling this way i ve dreamed about just going to sleep and never waking up and then ultimately feel guilty to even think of that with a wife and daughter i know my wife deserves better than me and she would probably move on at some point but my daughter is the only thing keeping me going i know i need to be on med but i m so scared i ll be put on the wrong one and make my mind even worse and make these intrusive thought even worse i m so scared of it i just want the suffering to end and have my life back i ve never been much of a user if reddit but this is the only place i can think of to vent how i truly feel anyone else struggling too i hope you find peace,1
hi please help tell me someone had this and overcame it i can t do more diagnosis at some point i wa praying it s cancer because at least i d know what it is i m suspecting anxiety since i have severe social anxiety which is fuelled even more by the symptom it is something between itching burning stinging like if someone put thousand of needle in your scalp at the same time it happens usually when i suddenly feel my body temperature rising so during exercising in hot room etc when stressed anxious since it also happens in place that aren t even that warm like supermarket or in a bus there are no visible sign on the skin like redness or rash i ve had dermatological neurological endocrine and many more diagnosis but nothing wa found so i m suspecting anxiety it s been happening couple time a week always when i feel too warm for like 0 year but human body ha a fascinating ability to forget the intensity of pain doesn t it thread i saw that are similar usually talk about itching before sleeping or sensitive skin on forehand or something alike but this is a needle like stinging sensation all over the head whenever it hot please i m almost done,1
i feel like when i m drunk i act like everyone else around me doe sober and i hate it like i ll talk more il feel more confident in myself everything in my existence will feel worth living,1
hi my first post here i m a 0f who ha been diagnosed with anxiety and mild agoraphobia in july last year i ve been on medication ever since and it ha significantly improved my condition i attend university hang out with my friend go on date with my long term girlfriend and haven t had a full blown panic attack since january so in a way i ve never been better the problem is that despite my improved condition i still get highly anxious when i m anticipating something mainly date but sometimes also outing with friend when we have more formal plan in the morning i wake up feeling jittery and can not focus on anything i often feel cold and shaky my hand tremble awfully and in the worst case i have an upset stomach right of the bat then a i m on the train or a tram just second before the meeting i start feeling hot nauseous and lightheaded when we finally meet the panic reach it peak and i very often nearly throw up nausea and diarrhea are the symptom that terrify me the most and then it s over it take some time for me to calm down but this kind of intensity of symptom doesn t come back anymore it happens mostly when i go on date when my s o visit me or when i m hanging out with a completely new friend which is annoying because i feel safe and comfortable around her she understands my condition and helped me through it when i wa at my lowest and could barely leave my house but for some reason she still trigger my anticipatory anxiety the most it doesn t happen always not to this extent at least but i m always at least a little bit shaky and nauseous at the beginning and the not knowing whether i ll be okay or not okay on a certain day is in itself nerve wrecking to put thing in perspective i used to get anxiety attack even when making plan through text message just setting up a meeting could send me spiralling down now doesn t phase me anymore so a you see i m much better now ha anyone experienced something similar,1
my doctor said they d like to talk about my bloodwork so i have an appointment tomorrow of course this wa this morning and now my brain is gone to over drive i spent all day sleeping with no motivation to eat drink get up i managed to get a bath but i also have a test tomorrow that i need studying for that call could just be anything but i m worried it s something absolutely terrible anyone else feel like this any advice,1
ha anyone else ever experienced a state of almost constant light headedness brain fog just a weird feeling in your head due to anxiety just want to know if i m alone in this or not i ve had it for week now,1
i had one not to long ago im kinda feeling down rn but it all good these thing just make me stronger,1
hi i have always been concerned about not being normal because i have anxiety i realize that everyday is a struggle to survive to be mostly fine fearing so many thing i am so tired of feeling like this i wonder will i ever feel normal not being afraid and just live thank you for reading,1
m i had extreme anxiety depression year of my short life i spent in a bedroom avoiding human contact at all cost didn t show up for family event had 0 friend cancelled every appointment someone else made for me to keep it short i seen no light at the end of the tunnel i realized the mental destruction wa all within myself it took me year of dark endless thought to realize that anyone in the same position please consider this if you are stuck in a bedroom move it will change you for the better go for walk get comfortable going to the grocery store get out the comfort zone you are in amp you will become a better person my dream seemed so far fetch but to others it wa normal life force yourself god ha a plan for everyone on this earth and that includes you,1
not sure if actually anxiety related tbh recently during spring break my stress got the best of me and i ended up isolating myself and feeling unempathetic towards those who tried to contact me so i gave up on trying to express my feeling over text and wa really struggling with messaging and stuff today i realized that i wa having trouble getting any word out while speaking to those at school and my best friend yet i could talk to my family fine it s making my friend uncomfortable and i believe they are upset with me yet i can t even get my word out over text not sure what to expect putting this out there hoping for any explanation or help,1
now i don t want this to turn into either a political debate or an echo chamber of fear but doe anyone else find it really hard to think about the future between covid climate change the far right and war i ve been feeling increasingly doomed since 0 and it s made it very difficult to live my life what is the point of setting goal or doing anything but spending time with your loved one when it seems like there might not be a tomorrow,1
this is what my main problem boil down to i feel like i live my life inside my head always checking in on how i feel and if i m okay is my vision blurry am i dizzy is my hand numb etc etc i also think i have pppd so the unsteadiness and swaying rocking sensation affect me and freak me out the most if i wa free of this hyper awareness hyper vigilance element i really believe i d be fine but right now it really run my life ha anyone found way to reduce this or even get rid of it completely,1
i have general anxiety i got into a minor car accident in a target parking lot we backed into each other i thought it wa 0 0 fault but her insurance say otherwise this is after she wa so surprised and so nice to me after the accident she hugged me plus she ha my first name a really uncommon first name since i have been so anxious going to my target it wa like a safe place and now i just feel anxious when i go i feel like i am just making it worse in my head i wa so frustrated and blindsided when her insurance said it wa my fault i feel so freaking stupid about all of this sorry for the mess of the post i am currently sitting in the target parking lot just trying to feel better i feel like i am just being insane,1
this is an embarrassing confession to make but i feel like this is the only place i can seriously get advice i m a year old guy who ha already had awful anxiety around year ago when i wa young my mum wa super supportive about it and took me to therapy which seriously helped me for a while and i still absolutely love her for that after my therapy session finished i wa having the best period of my life i wa seeing and meeting new people and getting close with others but year ago my anxiety started coming back and a big part of my anxiety that i didn t tell my mum wa the fact i needed to poop during my attack it sound silly i know haha now school is a nightmare because i m scared to go in school due to it s small size and the fact that there is a very small amount of bathroom in the school i always have the feeling of what if it finally happens for reference i have never had an accident in school but have sure a hell came close i will also cancel plan with friend outside of school if i couldn t get it all out before we leave i ve left job because of this fear a well and i just feel like an absolute loser my mum doesn t like me staying off from school in any way and i feel i cant tell her this reason because it is genuinely embarrassing and she would believe i m lying i also want to get back on therapy but i don t want to break her heart after she wa so proud of me the first time and even cried for me my mum is a god send and i love her with all that is in me so i can t tell her that it back again i think i need med but i ve never been diagnosed so i don t know this sound absolutely ridiculous i know but it s something i ve been seriously struggling with and am typing this right now with diarrhoea the night before school terrified if anyone ha any similar experience and how they overcame this it would help me in way you can t imagine thank you,1
he s high energy and strong willed he s only he mind and respect me but sometimes his persistence becomes too overwhelming to handle he will argue his point like a lawyer with every simple task or question i ask him and it s exhausting he sends me into an anxiety attack on occasion such a yesterday how do i keep my cool i want him to keep being himself questioning thing sticking up for himself etc but sometimes just a simple yes mom would be so relieving to hear,1
so i am currently doing a school project where we have to come up with an empathetic invention that help solve a problem that you or someone you know is going through i struggle with anxiety specifically in social situation where i have to talk to new people my project idea is to create a bracelet with a variety of texture to help soothe provide relief ground someone when they are nervous that is discreet i wa wondering if anyone had any suggestion a to texture that help you calm down when you are nervous fabric thing you fidget with etc thanks,1
i have a severe problem socially and going out in public i can talk to people on no problem but when i have to be around stranger in public or just a bunch of people i think everyone is looking at me or making fun of me and my anxiety will be so bad i start to walk weird af and it make people notice me even more and i just dont even wan na leave the house anymore i literally cant walk in a straight line when i have to walk by other people especially if they are with friend idk what to do anymore,1
when i wa a teen i would burn myself with match because it made me feel better it ha been many year since i have burned myself today i got swarmed by yellowjackets and stung several time and instantly felt better i m not sure if it s the adrenaline or something else or if i m imagining it thought,1
i wa fine for a year or so and then the anxiety come back worse than ever panic attack in the evening which make me feel like shit i feel so fucking bad inside of my chest and stomach and my thought don t stop rushing in the day and morning i m fine but in the evening i feel like i m losing my mind and i want everything to just be ok but how will i live with myself i m generally healthy i work out i do breathing exercise but nothing help and it fucking suck school actually calm anxiety because i have a task and i m busy but when i m home i feel so fucking lonely,1
i ve suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life i ve also occasionally had some episode that might be derealization but i m not sure once in high school i suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that my boyfriend someone i d known well for year wa unfamiliar to me my heart wa racing and i felt like my grip on reality wa slipping it wa traumatic and i haven t experienced an episode that bad since then i m 0 now but i worry that it could happen again someday for those familiar with derealization have you ever experienced this,1
a week ago i matched with someone on a dating app and shortly after starting to talk to them i started experiencing what i thought wa bad anxiety i m on antidepressant that usually surpress my anxiety really well so this wa really odd for me since then i ve been feeling nauseous anxious with an upset stomach every day even though everything s going relatively well in general and with this person i m talking to i ve never felt this much anxiety over a potential partner could this be excitement my heart ha been beating fast my leg feel a little light there s a tight feeling of nausea in my chest it can t be covid because the test i just took wa negative i just want this feeling of nausea to go away thanks,1
for reference i am f graduating college in may i grew up in a really shitty town and i worked really hard in school to guarantee i could get into my dream college and move to a city where i thought i would find more likeminded people college sincerely sucked i had terrible friend now don t really have friend don t really like my major scared that i only have qualification for a job i won t like and not to mention half of college wa online because of covid i am so terrified of applying for job and figuring out what i want to do with my life this wa literally my biggest fear going into school wa that i would waste year on a degree i don t love and don t know what i want to do i feel like applying to job is also accepting that i am no longer a student which ha been a huge part of my identity for what year i also think having college be a huge disappointment make me really nervous for everything else like the narrative that high school and college are supposed to be the best year of your life is pushed so much and both really weren t great i ve also heard it really hard to make friend outside of school which scare me a lot i feel like i have a few friend that i talk to occasionally but i don t think of them a my best friend or that i am overly close with them i think i am a nice and interesting person who care about others a lot and i don t understand why i have had such a long history of really horrible friend who never really cared about me literally had my best friend in high school pick the guy who sexually assaulted me over me i just am so scared that life won t get better it seems so easy for other people and i don t understand why figuring out life ha been so difficult for me,1
anybody else have anxiety about having an allergic reaction to a food even when they don t have a food allergy,1
i m supposed to take one pill in the morning starting tomorrow i am not afraid of a new medication because i m already taking the other one but i ve never been on paroxetine and i wa wondering how is it working for you guy especially if it helped somebody who ha severe social anxiety like me did you have any side effect i know it s supposed to take week to start taking effect for this med,1
i have my week follow up with my dr after having my medication prescribed i wa given buspar and xanax but have only taken the buspar a xanax is only for when i have a panic attack so far i have noticed i am a lot calmer over all i still get worried but i know it a bit diff my mind over all feel quieter my mom ha said im talking a lot and at work i am for sure talking to more of my guest and client sometimes i feel dizzy mid day or at night and if i have a snack it ok but it going away i also had some weird dream but that too is going away i dont know what else to look out for or mention to him about how ive been feeling or what might be important to say or consider is there anything besides what i might feel is working and anything that seems like side effect i should say,1
i really don t know how to put it into word but i ve been working on my anxiety for the past few year and over time my anxiety attack become le frequent but like today there are some day where my dream are filled with everything that give me anxiety work life issue etc then i wake up with chill having an anxiety attack i feel so strong for even working on my anxiety by myself in the first place but the time i have em dream i just want to give up and be shut out because of how much it throw my headspace off,1
why do i get hot easily and my anxiety get really bad where i need to leave whether it s the gym or doing my nail i have no problem socializing but i fine myself needing to leave situation when i start feeling like this it s so consuming can someone help,1
hey there made a throwaway because people know my normal account long story short i have this friend who used to be my closest friend we ve been like brother since we met in college a we got older we bickered a lot and had a major falling out about mo ago we made up and were kind of just friend that can be around eachother since we have mutual friend but not close anymore which is fine well we saw eachother for a trip with our group a few week back and we bickered on the trip a lot i know i m at fault for my side but he doesn t believe he doe anything wrong mainly we were bickering about politics which i swore to not speak with him because we disagree but there wa drinking and talking regardless after i attempted to apologize and be cool he instead of accepting or apologizing in return turned the conversation to my entire personality and basically dug hard into me a a person he made up shit about me that s not true a well it wa out of the blue and real hurtful but it is what it is i just kind of blew it off until i find out he s talking shit to my close friend in the city i live in now these friend are avoiding me not talking to me i have no idea what he said and how bad he made me look a an almost 0yo adult i don t want to deal with this but man this is really getting to me i m having anxiety about these other friend so bad,1
im seriously so stuck i developed a horrible case of health anxiety and constantly think something is wrong with my brain or heart i ve been to the er twice now with everything coming back normal i feel bed ridden most day if im up and moving around for too long i feel extremely dizzy due to my tension headache i have high blood pressure and am on medication but i constantly think it s hurting my heart im only year old and i shouldn t be this concerned about my health i m so over feeling this way and every day get worse and worse i feel like i can t do anything but lay down i get sharp pain along my chest due to costochondritis and im always thinking it s the end my breathing is always fine and my heart never beat super rapidly so that make me feel better but the dizziness is unbearable i tried antidepressant and all they did wa make my anxiety worse and my heart beat abnormally fast anytime i stood up my doctor took me off of them and is more focused on my blood pressure im so scared of dying and i m so sick of feeling like this,1
please help i don t wan na be schizophrenic or bipolar or anything that s my biggest fear and right now i couldn t sleep thinking maybe this could be it or psychosis i haven t been able to sleep the past day and maybe it s just my anxiety or not not so sure i just need advice i don t wan na go crazy that s my biggest fear a of now but i heard crazy people don t recognize they are going crazy,1
i ve been getting a lot of internal tremor specifically during my attempt to sleep when i m fully relaxed and my mind is not anxious i start to feel the tremor come on especially in my head and in the back of my head it s almost a if my body doesn t want me to sleep context i developed a fear for sleeping in the dark they re like tiny spasm and they actually prevent me from sleeping and have caused me to be insomniac ha anyone experienced this before last night wa particularly challenging a i wa falling asleep i felt in my head a huge spasm like sensation accompanied with a loud sound my chest wa being sucked in i don t have the precise word to describe the experience but i felt fearful for my life and my health please let me know if these experience are familiar to you,1
i wa married for year to a man with extreme anxiety he wa my first boyfriend and husband and i had been with him since i wa a teenager so i didn t know any different i m 0 now we divorced because of his many mental issue he wouldn t get help for his depression and anxiety wa contagious and killed our marriage his parent are also extremely anxious i had always been very anxious since we had been together and i just thought that s how i wa and i couldn t change it but since we ve been separated for a while now my anxiety ha stopped not completely but most of it is gone when you re with someone who you trust and love deeply and they make trivial thing into a huge deal it mess with your perception on how to feel and react unbeknownst to me i wa depending on him to determine how i should feel i know i shouldn t have but i did because i wa young and in love and didn t know any better now that i depend on myself since i have no other choice i ve acclimated very well to handling life and situation when we would do thing together or have an issue that needed to be fixed his anxiety would make thing seem ten time worse than what they really were it s not his fault i still love him unfortunately and i m not sure i ll ever get over him but we weren t good for each other in the long haul he s such a wonderful person aside from his mental issue the world is a lot more clear now i know how to determine what is a real problem and how to handle it without the elevated emotion that come with it,1
i had to return a phone call from last week on an anxiety inducing topic i already have problem with talking on the phone i thought i d do it first thing in the morning and get on with my work but of course i had to leave voicemail and now i m waiting for the call back and i can t think about anything else i m going to take an ativan for the first time in about a month i m like a deer in the headlight at present,1
since i wa little i have been raised to never respond when i think people are wrong or when they scold me so i learned to just keep it all since i moved alone to another city i have tried to express myself better without being aggressive but lately i have noticed that when i express my emotion or thought people get angry or upset with me so i have been thinking for some time that maybe everyone prefers my submissive version that doe not mention what i think to my most assertive self and that from my perspective it is my true self maybe my personality is wrong and i really should change it or maybe i just don t have the tact to give my opinion advice for any of those option would help me a lot thanks,1
so hey there some might have read my update with my first make out with my boyfriend well ever since then i felt different i don t know if sexy is the right word or not but something make me feel bolder it came to a head on my date yesterday a part of me just wanted to make out again and i knew we couldn t do it at home cause my family were there so in the car before he s about to drive to head home i suddenly hug and kiss the same way a before the thing is i used to never be this bold i should be happy about this new side to build confidence but in the end i keep thinking what if it scare him off or i go to far so far he seems very happy with this so i guess i shouldn t worry but ha anyone else felt different around their significant other,1
i have been struggling with anxiety and panic attack for most of my life but i finally seem to have gotten a handle on it for the time being i still have stress and anxiety from time to time but the panic attack are much le frequent i actually can t remember when i last had one and i used to have them a lot and when they do come i m better able to handle them so i ve been able to get out into the world a bit more now but there is one problem that is still lingering from when i wa more anxious i can t tell whether my desire to say no to certain thing is because i genuinely don t want to do it or because of anxiety although i wouldn t call myself agoraphobic anymore i still always have the automatic urge to say no to anything anyone asks me to do i understand that about myself and usually it s enough to give myself some time to think it over or not think about it at all and then i m able to decide that it is actually something i wanted to do i am just nervous but lately i ve been feeling this intense urge to avoid doing certain thing and i don t know if it s because my anxiety is creeping back in or because i just don t want to do them my mind tell me i just don t want to but a you all know our mind are not always the best reference for example i moved from the u to italy and i finally mustered up the courage to join a book club in my new town to try to make some friend here the other member are italian but we all discus the book in english which is awesome because i can speak more freely that way i wa really anxious the first time but it turned out to be great it wa really fun and i couldn t wait to go again until right before the next meeting when i got anxious again again it wa fine though and this happened three or four time but every time i wa actually at the book club i wasn t anxious the only problem wa the anticipation but after the first couple meeting the book club itself started to be le enjoyable aside from one or two other member no one is very nice or talkative and hardly anyone read the book and for the last few meeting we have only discussed depressing and completely unrelated to the book thing like war and death and covid all the thing i read and go to the book club to escape from for a while also my being american apparently make me like an ambassador and the leader of the group keep asking me for the american opinion on this or what this or that is like in america and i usually have to tell them about stuff that isn t great like health care police brutality issue etc it isn t fun anymore and there is also the added problem of the leader of the book club sending me message outside the group asking me to edit her assignment she ha to do for a magazine and while she s way over the top with her gratitude about it i feel like she is just using me which is making me not want to go even more so now every time there is a meeting coming up i again get that feeling like i don t want to go but now i m thinking i might just genuinely not want to go because it s not fun not just because of the anticipatory anxiety last time i actually skipped it but i felt the same kind of guilty feeling i feel when i skip something because i m anxious this week there s another meeting and again i just don t want to go even though i read the book but i don t know if i should push through it and see if it s a better meeting this time or just listen to my gut and skip it again and or quit the club i really wanted it to be good though because i love book and i wa hoping to make friend here doe anyone have any advice tl dr how do you tell the difference between not wanting to do something because of anxiety and just not wanting to do it when you can t trust your own gut to tell you,1
my anxiety make it almost impossible for me to talk on the phone even people i m not anxious around irl i get panicked with on a phone call so 99 of the time i don t answer call and definetly don t call people well now i had to answer a is wa a pretty important call and i m pretty calm after it like usually my heart beating like crazy i m sweating and my voice break during and after but now i m pretty i just feel short of breath and am a little shaky but i think it went pretty well my voice still broke during the call but not a badly a most time,1
i have a small business we got a meeting with our biggest client ever and i called them by their competitor name i m so scared i cost u the deal,1
hi i never went to counselor or therapist i don t know how to find decent counselor and what would be the cost hr cost what ever per session cost i stay in u colorado centennial this is for anxiety issue i know i can google and find but a i don t have any experience i am unable to judge the price etc i am looking for low price and good counselor thanks,1
i would like to disconnect myself from this world shit because it cause me even to not sleep some day i managed to do some thing because i m a moderate intense social medium user the easiest solution would be just stop using social medium and i would like so but i have adhd and i can t just stop using it i dont find other way to entertain me i m gamer and i would like to enjoy mobile game but it feel super inconvenient playing on a touch screen also some of them drain battery so quickly and i get bored so quick of them these are some thing i already managed to do i m currently using sync for reddit so i can mute word about w r related this wa my major concern also on pc i m using re so i could do the same on pc i have an extension called simple twitter which allows me to remove trendings and having more like an ipad twitter experience luckily tiktok and youtube algorithm doesnt show me content i don t like to see everything is funny or accurate about what i like my major concern are mobile twitter even i have muted word it show me news i dont want to see my tl is fine but it going to search and i see those clickbaity trend which most of time i enjoy but always ha rvssia ukra ne shit i dont want to see my family always put news on tv even i always say i dont lile to see them even i always suggest to turn off the tv or simply switch channel the simpson it s always at lunch time for example the situation wa the same even on early covid season in 0 0 when nobody knew anything always the news were covid de th increase to x president declares lockdown shut down some comerces etc etc everywere i like to see ha somewhere support for ukr ine which dont misunderstand me i support and donated for the cause and i wish the best for them but it still reminds me about the problem which i dont like to see this is the minor concern but it doesnt help me to be calm i would appreciate other way i can entertain me when i m exempt from responsibility thank you in advance,1
i m so anxious about going to the therapist today i just dont feel comfortable for some reason idk im just losing my mind over this,1
i get really bad anxiety when i cant my breathing i feel like my breathing will sound eratic and too loud people around me have to have to have one headphone to the side so i hear it or i get severe anxiety i also feel this way when i write or type a even though i can hear myself im not focusing on it and it think oh no i sounded weird didnt i in regard to my breathing i feel like im making people scared of me with how scary i probablly am acting from their pov i want to stop this a it give me severe anxiety around people,1
doe anyone here have anxiety about their status at their job it make me feel bad that i may possibly always be at the bottom of my company and won t ever be promoted to a more senior position i feel like i ve given up on myself in a way i actually gave up on myself a long time ago why do i feel like past failure mean i can t improve myself now,1
hi anyone get prescribed metroprolol my heart always feeling like it is racing i m terrified to take it,1
m i apologise greatly if this offends anyone i can t help but think the worst back in 0 0 i had a noticeable change in my bowel habit and google dent me into a total spin i had a fit test in june 0 0 which came back negative i had a ct scan of my abdomen and pelvis with contrast in june 0 0 which came back clear i had a colonoscopy in august 0 0 nothing wa found i had an mrcp in january 0 all clear now march 0 my symptom have not eased and gotten worse i have loose stool all of the time if they are solid they are flat ribbon weight loss and persistant nausea i don t have pain so i don t meet the ibs criterion my consultant now want to carry out a ct colonography and a chest ct i am worried that something ha been missed from 0 0 and it ha sat on the back burner for nearly year,1
hello everyone i m a year old male with extreme anxiety i grew up in poverty amp wa very aware of that at a young age i started smoking weed around every weekend turned into everyday when i wa around i got introduced to xanax at which didn t last long due to me coming home blacked out amp realizing the pain amp disappointment i caused to my mother at i wa introduced to acid that turned into every weekend for about month in this same year my dad passed from a long time h use the beginning to my mental destruction we couldn t afford to bury my father one of the roughest time of my life i started selling drug which i got very money hungry amp would do anything if it made me a few dollar started out robbing kid at my school which turned into robbing older guy started partying amp got introduced to cocaine that didn t last long after my girlfriend told my mom because she knew that wa the only way i would stop around month later me amp my girlfriend got into a accident due to a lady not paying attention my girlfriend had a broken femur i had a broken ankle amp a tbi traumatic brian injury during are time of recovery i wa taking a shower while someone broke into my house amp stole my safe roughly k cash at this point i m amp mentally lost not going to school with no future in sight due to the broken ankle a well a the tbi i didn t get out much my best of friend not checking up on me wa rough at this point i realized i improved so much i stopped selling robbing using all at the cost of not leaving my house that lasted roughly year around this time covid hit my older brother became a extreme alcoholic a well a my mother i allowed everything around me to fully consume me reality hit one morning after daily regret amp suicidal thought everyday i came to the conclusion my only way out is to force myself me amp my girlfriend ended up moving a town over my first time on my own with extreme anxiety amp depression i started a landscaping company going door to door finding work something i could have never imagined i avoided human contact for year that lasted all summer one of the happiest time of my life i still have extreme anxiety my hand shake uncontrollably with a shakey voice amp due to my anxiety amp past i avoided going to the doctor for medicine a well a the dentist amp check ups i finally no longer let it control me or what i do all the dark day amp endless thought seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is unimaginable but i damn sure see it god is good time heals everything someone always ha it 0 time worse embrace the rainy day they won t last forever if you stick around kinda just rambling but i m sure this can help someone,1
i m 0f and i ll start this by saying that my diagnosis is mostly a doctor telling once that i might have gad but i haven t had further test done yet not that i need them because the symptom are all there and it s pretty obvious to me amp nbsp i stress a lot about most thing future plan work health etc being on the phone is something that give me extreme anxiety a well and this is impacting my work i m lucky enough to be able to work from home which is great because i don t have to put on the happy sociable face all day long but there s still plenty of call meeting happening over team and those still give me a lot of anxiety to the point that even a minute talk with someone will leave me sweaty i m able to sound friendly and sociable on the call but a soon a it s over that s all gone and i ll just feel like crap i m not 0 and some day i honestly do not know how i am supposed to endure this for another 0 year the job i had previous to this one wa in customer support inbound call people told me that exposure to it would help me but honestly i hated every second of it and i feel it s only gotten worse since then amp nbsp right now i m at a loss and starting to consider quitting my job over this but i also don t know of many job that allow me to wfh while keeping meeting and call to a minimum if everything wa done via chat email i d honestly feel great about that but it feel like this society wa built by and for extrovert and i m just an outlier that doesn t fit anywhere,1
i m a year old guy and i ve been struggling with this problem for quite some time year every time my girlfriend who i trust more than anyone in this world go to a party without me and she get high or drunk i have strong anxiety attack just thinking about it is making me shaking in fear and i can t understand why i like to get drunk and high too i find it funny to spend a night messing around i don t think it s that bad or that make you a bad person but when my emotion my inner fear kick in i completely lose my mind and i start to think that i don t want a partner that indulge in those kind of behavior a if i had this image of purity of her that get broken by the thought of her enjoying a joint something bad people do i don t understand it s like some cognitive dissonance for some background i used to be quite bullied back in high school by those who went out the night to get drunk or that smoke weed maybe that could have led me to associate those behavior that have nothing to do with the moral integrity of a person with a certain type of people could it be please let me know what you think and if you have similar experience i ll gladly read all your suggestion and comment thank you,1
hi i just wanted to ask if any of you feel like anxiety is a major reason why you procrastinate which completely affect the way you spend your time your sleep your state of mind and then your grade or if you know the difference between normal procrastination and one driven by anxiety or is anxiety procrastination completely separated and unrelated to anxiety a in people who don t deal with symptom of anxiety can also be said to have anxiety procrastination oh yea i also get super anxious when i think about how my teacher would view my progress grade how i act in class like i m actually v scared of this idk if this is normal tho hopefully i make sense thank you and have a great rest of the day lt,1
life s rushing towards me at 0km h and instead of going forward i just stand there scared shitless and watch the headlight getting closer,1
i hate it i barely sleep on my weekend off day have to wake up early for work and i still feel tired usually everyday when i wake up for work i automatically have to go to the bathroom must be my anxiety because my off day i don t my work is great and i work by myself and see basically no one all 0 hour but still i won t be at home lol,1
the world ha been nothing short of a flaming corpse trash fire in these past few week there s no doubt about that but recently i can feel it around others when i m out in public no i don t have superpower lol i m just saying that i ve been getting this kind of collective i m so done with this shit vibe when i m out in public i don t know how else to explain it but everyone seems so exhausted and fed up it s like a butterfly effect since a lot of people have the same vibe right now i guess despite a lot of u being on the other side of the world it s certainly hard not to feel just how crazy these past few week have been it s like the pandemic already fucked people up for two year but now 0 just want to kick u while we re down with the current war it s neverending it s been hard for me a well i ve kind of been burying my head in the sand and focusing heavily on work and video game because holy shit is this world completely fucked up not to mention there s nothing i can really do about the situation and dwelling on it and obsessing over it isn t going to change the outcome even my friend on social medium have been talking a lot about how they ve been strangely depressed lately this situation is affecting everyone but with that said i really hope everyone pull through the rest of this month i m no military specialist so i m not even going to try and act like i know when all this will end but i hope the worst is over and that the war end soon there s a common saying thing will get worse before they get better i really hope that doesn t apply to the current situation the world need a break wishing everyone the best this week and stay encouraged,1
two day ago i made a comment to my sil i had forgotten some thing that had happened that week and what i said came across a completely insensitive and thoughtless i have since apologised and they have accepted my apology but there hasn t been minute in the following day where i haven t thought about what i said and what a mistake it wa i feel sick i can barely sleep and the panic attack are every min where i can t breathe and just feel like i m drowning i have doubled my dose of sertraline because i simply can not let go of what i ve said this in turn ha increased the side effect of the sertraline anxiety suck i just want to turn my brain off,1
i ll go first i got rejected recently it happens a lot to me it s my th time now i can t stop being anxious abt it it sickens me thinking abt it and idek why i m still anxious abt it i also have bipolar disorder so that make thing even better,1
i have irrational fear of a home invasion being attacked by a stranger for context even thing like elderly woman with cane walking behind me sends me into panic mode me and my fianc just bought our first home together after renting for year instead of me being able to rest after a long day of moving i am instead laying awake because the house is settling every 0 second and i keep thinking it s an intruder coming to kill me this ha been going on for two hour my heart keep pounding out of my chest randomly and i keep getting so frozen with fear that i hold my breath my mind is working overtime playing escape plan confrontation scenario on repeat so i can t relax this is so fucking irrational i hate it i ve been this way a long a i can remember but ugh i know why house creek i also know this home is older which is something i love about it during the day but i can not seem to think logically about this every pop creek and bang is sending me into panic mode and i don t have any remedy i m sick of being constantly on alert for no reason this is an extremely safe neighborhood and i should not need to be this worried over nothing some night are better than others but why do i even have to go through this at all i apologize for the rant but i am so exhausted and i just want to sleep but i keep getting snapped awake,1
hello this is my first time posting to reddit i am having difficulty choosing between two job opportunity the first is a one hour commute one way and is on site the job come with pension and benefit a well a potential for career growth the second is 00 remote with limited potential for career growth the hour are flexible and i would not have to go into the office the downside is that the job appears to be boring and it will be difficult to get to know my coworkers the downside of the first job is that it could turn out to be a more stressful but maybe more stimulating job i have been so anxious about the decision that i have been cycling through choosing one or the other job over a period of several day i have been having stress headache and trying to solve the problem internally but with little resolution what is your opinion on wfh versus on site what is your opinion of taking a job you know to be boring for people with anxiety how doe wfh work for you doe it increase your worry or doe it help you manage how do you make a decision when either option doe not seem to be a clear winner many thanks,1
i wonder if someone else feel the same and maybe someone here ha already found way to overcome it i live in small town now but in the past i lived in the big city and had no problem with height it just started several year ago i am afraid of entering building which is very tall i can t go beyond th floor without strong anxiety even going to the city and looking at all super high building make me quite anxious so far my anxiety is somehow manageable but i am afraid it may get worse in future since i avoid going to the city a much a possible i do not live in the city so sadly i can t practice and be exposed to my fear will i feel any relief after guided visualization any advises,1
so i m a pretty shut in introverted person he they and moved to a new place just before the pandemic so a a result have no local irl friend so mid pandemic i got on twitter and met load of people who came and went however i met people she her x and she they who i truly love hanging out with but here s the hard part for pretty much the entirety of last year we hung out maybe or time a week watching movie on discord or playing game always talking and indirecting each other interacting constantly cheesy ily ily more message all that sort of thing then just after christmas it all just kinda stopped but only for me i found out the of them made a new gc without me they talk about each other on the tl constantly but never mention me and we haven t hung out in over a month i ve messaged them a couple of time about this and had it explained that they still like me and still want to hang out but they re just busy but my brain is reading into everything so hard they re still constantly interacting with each other and i never get any response i can t stop thinking about every little thing one time one wanted to play game in bed by herself and then 0 minute later i saw them all playing on discord without me assuming i d gone to bed i just don t know whether i m reading too hard into this or if i genuinely need to say something every time i see so much a a comment or message somewhere else my head get so loud and i just feel like cry constantly i ve never really been able to keep friend for more than a couple of year and the only one i trusted enough to talk to about stuff are the i m not sure i can talk to any more so a a result here i am reddit what can i do,1
im getting diagnosed with pure ocd and my doctor told me i most likely have an anxiety disorder a well i never put myself in stressful situation so i dident really think about it i dropped out of school,1
i have somatization disorder which essentially is whenever i try to do something that may cause me anxiety i end up making myself physically ill i cause myself physical symptom unconsciously doe anyone else deal with this i am not able to leave my house most of the time which ha caused a strain on friendship and school,1
after over year of dealing with daily anxiety i feel like i need to heed my doc advice and get on medication i know a lot of people will say that it s not but i feel like a loser and a weak person for not having enough strength to overcome my anxiety alone i look in the mirror every day and hate myself for not being able to get past this for sickening year i ve been trying to deal with this on my own every night i go to sleep exhausted saying the next day will be different sometimes i have better day most day are just a grind to pull myself out of the anxiety i don t mind working hard but i spend hour upon hour obsessing about my health any little ache pain bump or bruise sends me into a panic i have heart palpitation on the regular i can t sleep at night i ve tried working out lost lb walk for hour on end listen to positive message stopped drinking and yet the anxiety won t let go of me i pray to god to help me to give me an answer on whether or not i should get on medication i think god might be telling me it s time instead of enjoying the movement with my family i m checking my pulse worrying about cancer is that palpitation a heart attack wa the doctor wrong when he said i m healthy it follows me every where it s become my closest evil little friend and yet i hate myself for not being able to kick it why am i so weak why can t i tell it to fuck off and never come back why if it s my own brain can i not control it i feel like if i just keep pushing i can defeat it without med but it s been year and i don t want another to go by living like a tortured animal just waiting for it to all end maybe i m just scared to go on med i don t know if anyone can see themselves in what i m saying can you please let me know what if any med have helped you i m not looking for medical advice but when i talk to my doc i d like to have some idea of what he might be recommending anyways long post thanks for listening,1
ativan is the only one that work for me and shuts my anxiety up but lately i have been depending on it way too much i have been taking up to mg of ativan everyday for the last few week because of a lot of stress in my life and it is the only thing that help with my ocd and intense panic attack im worry to death about developing some sort of dependency but idk what else to go to lexapro help but not a well i have been thinking about maybe taking lyrica instead since it help with anxiety epilepsy and seems fairly similar to ativan and adding in clonidine for my physical anxiety doe anyone have any experience or recommendation i have been limiting myself to only mg and not going any higher but i am basically house bound with panic if i dont take it so not taking something similar is not an option,1
it could be something you saw you heard you did anything go it may not be good enough for you but i still wan na hear it so please please share,1
yup i need to start being more independent since im getting my first job and my license all before june this year so doing these small thing will only help me,1
i ve been dealing with some really weird painful burning throughout my abdomen and my entire middle the last few week i don t know if anxiety is the culprit but it definitely make it ten time worse doe anyone have way to reduce the effect of psychosomatic symptom,1
i have severe anxiety and ocd and i avoided the dating scene until year ago because i honestly wanted to get over my fear and find someone i wa lucky to find a great partner and have been in a good solid relationship for six month yet somehow throughout this whole thing i ve secretly become an absolute wreck i m constantly worrying if this is the right relationship preoccupied with analyzing everything trapped in my thought and making myself utterly miserable ha anyone else experienced this like is this standard for u anxious folk or is this actually a huge red flag that dating or even this person just isn t for me thank you kindly for any advice,1
i m having a really hard time with my long distance bf right now he s going through a super low phase with his anxiety and every time we talk about anything emotional he shuts down he say talking about the emotion stress him out and any time i ask him how he s doing he responds with thing like i m okay i try to ask more question but he s just not giving me much we used to be super affectionate and connected but now i feel like we barely are sometimes i feel so far away from him physically obviously but mentally and emotionally i care a lot about emotional connection and i just really don t know what to do i ve read book listened to podcasts have my own therapist but i still can t help but feel super sad about it doe anyone have any advice,1
yeah i know it s pretty weird but i ve been experiencing this one since last night i had trouble breathing but the right side seems fine felt like the left side wa the culprit had a tough time drifting to sleep,1
pls guy answer what u feel,1
hey reddit family ive had seperate case of severe panic disorder for about year on and off i used to take lexapro on the smallest dose mg and then mg and it really helped me overcome my disorder completely the first time end of 0 9 into 0 0 but when i got panic disorder a second time end of 0 0 from smoking weed how i got panic first time i noticed not much of an impact on the same dose mg but i wa told multiple time to up my dose for it and i wa too scared to so i quit the medication cold turkey and got insane migraine headache thinking someting in my head wa gon na pop it wa so bad a a withdrawal i think and for the past year i ve been medicine free but i still get panic attack everyday heart race everyday nonstop evil bad thought and i m ready to get back on something my doc prescribed me celexa but i m very unsure about trying it bc i ve been so used to take lexapro and i ve been reading watching other ppl s experience on celexa and the side effect and they seem a little more extreme but i m just wondering what ur opinion would be thank u so much for the help god bless,1
my anxiety is so bad right now i have been vomiting and have bad pain in my stomach and abdomen lot of sweating and extreme issue sleeping last night i didn t fall asleep until am and woke up at am in a complete panic eating is very difficult for me right now and i have a sense of impending doom constantly is there anything any of you do that help with this how can i bring this up with my doctor without being committed or something should i get a short supply of benzos to get through this time i just need some advice thank you,1
i want to know how to stop anxiety while waiting whenever i have a guest coming over wether it be a friend or family or someone im interested in i get severe anxiety from the moment they say on my way to the moment they arrive i feel hot all over i want to throw up and cry and use the bathroom and then a soon a they arrive and i see them im fine for example i called the man im interested in over for a booty call he life an hour away so at 0 0 he texted me he wa coming for an hour i wa asking my sister should i cancel i want to see him but i m anxious and for that entire hour i wa freaking out the only thing that helped wa sitting in the cold drive way and breathing in the night air and then a soon a he arrived i wa fine absolutely perfect similar happened while i waited for guest to arrive to a house party i wa throwing i need help i am on med and in therapy anything help,1
she will stay with u for a year i m introverted and anxious so i don t want anyone in my space please give me some coping idea,1
i just need to vent a little i think it s upsetting to be a student who know the answer to your professor s question a student who want to engage in discussion but also a student unable to do so because of this silly little thing called anxiety cowardice even a i ve been told it s been an uphill battle ever since i started highschool my grade have always been decent but they re never a good a they can get because i can t speak up in class i know the answer and when i don t i can make intellectual guess not that i m boasting but it s something that i know would be well within my capability if i weren t so scared all the time whenever i m called on to recite it take everything in me to keep the shakiness out of my voice in the online set up even if the question being asked is a simple how wa your weekend i stutter and shake and sweat a if my life is on the line during face to face class i would visibly shake in front of the class and i ve lost so many point time and time again because of that the embarrassment and humiliation even if no one laugh or pick fun at me outwardly burn so badly i guess it s doubly upsetting because i ve been told that i just have no goal in life and because of that i can t bring myself to prepare for anything then proceed to cry and complain about it when i m unable to answer a question or perform well you deserve it if you re not going to do anything about it is it my fault wa being so anxious that my mind would go blank at every question a choice i do try i don t back out when i have to speak in front of the class i try my best to pretend that i m not terrified out of my wit i ve joined a quiz bee or two even if i could never bring myself to compete further than that and i want to do more i don t want the people who say i m wasting opportunity wasting my life to be right in the end maybe it s hard to believe but it s just so tiring when you see everyone around you breeze by an obstacle that you need to spend hour and day on just to overcome imagine that hyping yourself up to do a thing accomplishing it telling someone about it casually only for them to throw it back in your face because you couldn t do better than that ah what a mess,1
so i m just going to get this off my chest i m and in one evening in the beginning of november i went to go to sleep and felt like i couldn t breath i got up and wa sweating super fucking restless so it wa like a mini panic attack this panic attack ha marked the most torturous month of my life i wake up in the morning and the first feeling i have is a racing heart that anxious feeling in my chest shortness of breath and it last constantly until i have to take sleep aid to calm me down enough to sleep at night i don t understand why me i eat healthy i exercise and there is no family history of anxiety it suck because i m not anxious about anything in particular it s the feeling so i ve been sort of surviving on benzos not everyday probs a few time a week since then with lapse of about a week or so when i can t get any i just have been taking them to prevent the fucking anxiety starting i did have little time at the end of dec and around january feb for a week or two where i feel like it did go away but that might have been because i had benzos in my system and that s why i felt ok i ve been purposely cutting down my benzo use so last week i used on monday and didn t use until friday i felt severe anxiety all of those day but didn t crave the drug or have any withdrawal i only took them on friday because i just wanted a fucking rest it s so stressful to feel like this all the time i get so scared it s never going to go away i want to start an ssri but they take like week to work i can t wait that long sorry for the rant,1
i m going to the eye doctor to get an eye exam today and my anxiety is so bad because i m so scared i have a serious eye disease or something doe anyone else have anxiety about getting their eye checked i can t breathe and i feel like throwing up,1
i don t know if it s just me or if this is even a real thing whenever i m like very anxious or overthinking too much like going to some new place for writing an exam attending a wedding of close relative it feel too overwhelming i can not remember anything i studied or sometimes it s like i know the answer to a question but i m just unable to write or express it out even when greeting people during a wedding or some interaction i feel soo panicked idk why not just these situation many more like if i m given a responsibility and i literally can not sleep or stay calm for a second until i m done with it my mind tends to imagine more like play numerous visuals that can go wrong with it it s really very difficult and painful,1
i ve been bullied for year at school because of my appearance my nose and it always made me sad and insecure when it started i wa since then i take picture of my face at least 0 pic everyday now i m graduating from college and i still feel the same way a i did year ago whenever i am with friend and colleague i keep thinking that in the inside all of them are laughing or thinking how ridiculous i am when i take a selfie i find my nose to be normal but when someone take a picture and i m in it i find it so weird also i ve always been very shy but lately it got difficult cause everytime i m on a conversation with someone i can t help wondering how they re seeing me i think it gon na get worse now that i need to get a job and talk to people that i don t know well i just needed to say this,1
so i wa formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder roughy month ago i wasn t all that surprised honestly recently i had felt like i wa making some improvement and starting to feel better but today ha been horrible i ve been stressed out over a certain situation and i have no idea how to alleviate my fear i just feel like i am always going to feel this way and that any moment of happiness or peace that i feel will always be momentary,1
i ve just walked half an hour to my therapy appointment and i m not even sure if my appointment is today or not they didn t send a reminder this is my second appointment with them it should be today and i think she said next monday but i feel like i m going to embarrass myself by showing up and it s the wrong day not only that but i had another appointment today that i had to reschedule because i thought i wouldn t be able to make it but then i realised i read the time wrong and i would ve made it i m just an idiot i hate being me edit it all worked out i panicked over nothing like the idiot i am d,1
first off ive dealt with it my entire life since i wa ab 9 yr old im very familiar with the feeling of anxiety and i ve experienced it in alot of form i wa in a relationship for year where i experienced the absolute worst of it but i am not in that relationship anymore i am a full time student again and im living life on my own accord now with my whole life ahead of me and i can do anything i want now im so glad to be where im at and i cant wait for what the future hold i have no worry in the world anymore anyways here i am watching better call saul relaxing in my bed super comfortable in my mushroom blanket that i love so much and i just gradually out of nowhere start to feel my chest get tight tight to the point where i want to poke a hole in my chest just to relieve the pressure obviously im not gon na do that but you get the idea im not panicking about anything while this is happening i mean when i feel my chest tighten then im like okay wtf is going on but before that nothing im a relaxed a can be ready to go to sleep to wake up to next day ahead of me and so i do some breathing exercise to try to relieve this chest tightness and i do feel really relaxed from doing them but that chest tightness is still there and again im not panicking of anything like i would from my traditional anxiety attack is this a new form of anxiety where my body is just like you know what youre trying to go to sleep so im gon na make it hard to breathe for no reason bc you are finally happy in life with no worry so ill give you something to worry ab i read ab people having panic attack out of nowhere and sometimes fainting even but that ha never happened to me my anxiety attack always stemmed from something regardless of how silly or insignificant it wa the anxiety would always come from something like it wouldn t just spontaneously erupt into an attack so is this just a new form of anxiety im dealing with right now is there anything i can do breathing and relaxing exercise only make me calm mentally and really relax me but the uncomfortableness of my chest just being tight is preventing me from going to sleep so i dont really know what to do if this is in fact just anxiety what do you all think is this just an anxiety attack or are there other issue i should get checked out any response is appreciated tl dr random chest tightness wont go away even with a calm and relaxed state of mind wondering if this is anxiety just attacking my body,1
i just wanted to share something that help me with anxiety attack in case it help someone else there is this show called one day at a time the 0 reboot that deal with many social issue and one of them is anxiety and there is this one episode in season called anxiety that just help me calm down so much for some reason it s almost better than med or plant it deal with how to deal with anxiety attack and is truly amazing you can find the show on netflix in most country and on the internet too,1
i am prone to sinus infection and my nose is clogged and i had a slight earache a few day ago and chalked it up to a sinus infection i went to my cousin baby reveal and then i thought after the party what if i gave her covid she is a nurse and is around people with covid but wear ppe she also ha three booster shot and had covid before i can not get the thought of maybe infecting her and it will harm her pregnancy i am cry so hard because she tried so hard to have a baby and i m worried me disregarding my sinus infection a an allergy might of done something i can not sleep and i am going to throw up from the anxiety,1
i am currently prescribed propranolol to help with situational anxiety i m sure many people know that before an anxiety inducing event your stomach can be slightly funny i wondered if anyone knew if propranolol directly help to reduce this,1
can anxiety and panic attack cause pain in the back of the thigh,1
i have been having anxiety chest pain for over year i have seen a doctor but the solution wasn t a good i take deep breath and sometimes i use st john s wort and camomile to calm i got better for a while but now whenever i think of something a in a college related report studying commitment promising to do something and thinking about it all day my chest hurt from these condition and i have breathing difficulty what do you do to help when you get these symptom,1
also i can t even look nobody in the eye because of it wtf do i do it s ruining the relationship i have with my family and parent it s just pissing me tf off i went to get a haircut today but walked tf out because i wa too anxious and my anxiety wa high so when i walked in i sat all the way in the back so my barber and other people wouldn t see me because of my dumbass anxiety but how else wa i gon na get a cut if he couldn t see me right so like i said i just walked tf out with my head down n cried when i got home,1
yesterday evening i had the worst panic attack of my entire life this ended up making me feel drained defeated and like i wa an absolute freak for the rest of the day i ended up venting on a subreddit about how i felt and a lot of the comment actually helped me a lot and one reminded me of a couple of old trick that a therapist taught me awhile ago that i wished i would ve remembered yesterday when your brain is feeling really overloaded and so busy that you almost seem manic and don t even know where to begin to start the best thing you can do is force yourself to sit down and allow your body to sink into the chair while you close your eye and just sit there in silence for a moment this allows you to relax your body long enough to feel the emotion that is bothering you the most however if you find more than one specific emotion coming to mind you are still too overwhelmed and need to sit for awhile longer once i can identify what i am feeling the most i just say one word out loud sad scared tired angry etc and reflect why i might be feeling that way and what i am able to do on that very moment to make myself feel better taking a shower napping asking someone for a hug etc it s important to focus on the thing that you feel like you can start to work on in that moment because if you allow your brain to slip back to thing out of your control you will end back up at square one he also reminded me that these are all normal emotion and that i am not weird or crazy for feeling the way that i am and that it is ok to ask for help or set up boundary for myself i used to use this one more during busy quarter in college but can still be really helpful for trying to squish anxiety down before having to do something you can t get out of which could be taking a test going for an interview or even making a phone call i like to picture all of my anxiety and worry a little people boarding a boat on a river and just like to imagine them floating away and out of my view even if it is just for the time needed to complete that one task that i have to do i really hope these help someone because these trick used to help me a ton when i wa going through some rough patch in life and i think i m going to start using them again,1
i have been away from home for week and yesterday i wa scheduled to return my friend had offered to pick me up from the airport for context i don t live in the safest city for woman after i land my friend text me saying they can t pick me up from the airport and i should book a cab and come home i wa at the airport from pm to am because there were no cab available creepy men started following me stating oh no one s here to pick you up i had to go to the police because the men didn t stop following me i had a breakdown in public and i couldn t breathe i finally called a friend who life near by who came to pick me up at around 0 am by then i wa completely wrecked yesterday wa a complete mess and im still feeling anxious and triggered,1
i am a waitress in a busy restaurant and while usually i put my mask on and try to not seem so anxious for some reason lately my anxiety is getting to the point where i can t even look at people in the face and then my anxiety just get worse thinking about how much of a bitch or weirdo i seem for not looking at them i also struggle with eye contact which make it even harder i honestly just want to ease my mind and be able to talk to people like the rest of my co worker i m contemplating medication but wanted to know if anybody noticed a difference while on medication,1
a you can tell from the title this is something i have known about since i have been a kid i used to get infatuated way too fast and get anxiety when a girl wouldn t be going a fast a me since growing up though i have been able to slow down however when it doe happen i don t know why my anxiety just start coming out again starting back in october of 0 0 i wa talking too this girl for about month and nothing really ever came of that besides texting due to her being manipulative and gaslighting me however i wa head over heel for her it wa one of the worst month of my life and after that happened i made alot of life change and all of 0 wa pretty much the happiest year of my life now in 0 i recently moved to a new city and met this one girl we have been talking for about week almost every day and she ha texted me almost every evening asking how my day wa and is actually interested in getting to know me since i learned not to get to into her yet i usually just responded to her whenever and went about my day usually we would have around hour between each of our text to each other sexual content warning fast forward to last night i took her on a really nice dinner date and we talked alot afterwards i walked her home and she asked if i wanted to come inside we talked more and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex however part way through she started bleeding and the condom came off in her she wa incredibly embarrassed and almost started cry i just kept hugging her telling her not to worry about that i still had a great time and stayed with her for about over an hour i eventually had to leave to go home but afterwards on my drive home i really started falling for her she texted me a bit when i got home saying she wa happy i made it home safe today though all the anxiety i used to feel when i wa younger falling for girl who might not like me back started flooding into my head again i couldn t sleep well because i wasn t sure if i did anything wrong and i just wanted to be with her we texted a little in the morning but the text that the past few week that normally took hour to get a response from each other feel like a millenia now my anxiety really is coming out in those long wait because i really just wan na talk with her and i m afraid she s gon na ghost me like a bunch of other people have done to me in the past i know there is nothing i should worry about but i thought i had my anxiety under control finally only for today to suck again doe anyone have any advice on how i should control it best,1
i feel anxiety over race i know this sound bad but hear my out please i have been doing anti racism work daily and i ve been trying to challenge my own bias but it s been triggering my mental health my anxiety ha taken over and now i can t make decision in my life without fear i ve practically stopped all my hobby cause i m worried i m appropriating in some way and hurting a community i know that none of this is what the anti racism work is about but it s what my mind ha been running with lately it s been i don t matter no one else seems to be having this issue and i don t know who to turn to this is not a reflection on the conversation around blm it s my own issue i just don t know how to get out of this way of thinking,1
i feel like i m comfortable with death more because i m comfortable with the uncertainty that come with it do any of you ever experience death anxiety how do you think it impact you also lowkey in need of any advice to deal with this better,1
so i ve been dealing with anxiety since 0 i m diagnosed anxiety panic disorder and can t take med tried once and yeesh never ever again by doctor direction my own discretion noticed ever since getting off zoloft mg i only took it for day but it hit me like a bus and i had to immediately stop due to medical reason i dissociate all the time now and i hate it i lose track of time what i wa doing prior sometimes where i m sitting what s going on around me any tip would be helpful note yes i ve tried mindfulness exercise yoga meditation the whole list,1
hi first post here so sorry if i m doing anything wrong recently i ve been suffering from very intense anxiety and panic attack nearly every night they re usually triggered around midnight and last through to around 9am normally preventing me from getting any sleep at all during the night my bedroom also seems to be one major trigger a i m able to calm myself down sometimes but a soon a i re enter my bedroom the panic flare up all over again and it s like i m in full fight or flight mode during the daytime the panic is almost nonexistent i think the most difficult part is that it generally happens during hour when nobody is around to give me comfort so strong feeling of isolation and hopelessness often accompany that brings me to my question for anyone who ha experienced nightly anxiety what ha brought you comfort during a time when you re unable to reach out to others i would love to hear about your experience and the thing that have helped bring you comfort in a time of isolation thanks,1
i have a tendency to ob over some thing that have occurred and replay the scenario over and over in my head i m not even trying to focus on it but the thought still come into my head and then i find myself focusing on them and it serf me no purpose how do i stop doing this i know the scenario are over so i don t know why i am still thinking about them so much,1
strange unusual sensation in the back of the head – occipital region it started a dizziness vertigo pressure in the head a feeling of movement in the head wave etc the problem gradually worsened and changed from occuring a few time a week to an every day all day duration that s the way it is right now i struggle with the feeling of pressure in the head between the brain and the skull the feeling of an empty head feeling of vacuum or air in the head feeling of fluid in the skull a if the brain is floating and rocking or swimming in fluid on most day i also get really bad burning pain all over my head the pain is located inside of the head it feel like someone is pouring acid or hot lava down my brain facial sinus and on the face there is often a feeling of movement in the head present and i sometimes have blurred vision lot of day i also experience a feeling of poor balance a feeling a if i m going to lose consciousness black spot and floater in the field of vision another really bothering thing is a feeling of electricity in the brain or a feeling similar to static on tv i also feel like i have my brain wrapped in some kind of a biofilm made from air cotton glass wool plus flu like symptom head neck muscle and bone pain feverish like feeling at least 0 day a month way worse before period tia,1
0 wa a rough year for me even on new year s eve i woke up headbutting a brickwall in bed a lot of thing happen to me and around me in a short amount of time that i developed chronic anxiety i study mechanical engineering for a math project among other projecta i had to make a youtube channel i wa sick for week with bronchitis and i had to skip class for my health i had a severe spasm on my back and the morning am before my final exam i wa woken up to be informed that my older sibling wa in icu due to gangster attacking him on thing i forgot to mention is that the engineering course that i m doing wa fazing out so if i fail too many time i have to start everythin all over again on the new curriculum after my exam i wa burned out and my body couldn t relax and i went to a massage parlour to treat the spasm it wa a painful experience and with a woman first time touching me like that week later my body wa just slowly going into shock that i would be paralysed and my sibling had to carry me when i wa at home i probably had a panic attack a well anyway i wa 0 when that happened i m cm and weigh kg my psychiatrist prescribed me 0mg of clobazam in total for morning afternoon and evening and i realised my sex drive wa diminished i wasn t to happy about that so a long time probably month after i started i tried to taper my dose but i did it too quickly got withdrawal symptom and wa put on indoblok for the withdrawal the nightmare wa a blast after a while week i think i could stop on the indoblok and just run on the mg of clobazam and my libido returned a bit but not a before also a a side note a struggle to gain weight so i went to get help with that but i stopped doing that a it got expensive heaviest i ve been on the diet plan wa kg by eating diet alone anyway i started seeing a psychologist that my psychiatrist recommended to me to help figure out how mild my higher functioning autism is but he mainly helped me with my anxiety and ocd we mainly talk now and i did speak with them with topic that made me blush and embarrassed then 0 0 happened i got sick in 0 badly luckily not icu badly on a side note prior the massive shock i went in i wa quite comfortable speaking in front of 0 people and making an as out of myself so long story short i currently weigh 9 kg i m cm in length cm for the win and i m now i m doing my internship to gain my qualification which is the last step i spoke with my psychiatrist that after online powerpoint presentation i want to try to reduce my dose to 0mg a i developed a go with the flow and if it happens it happens type of attitude also i m on other medication so i would like to reduce cost i asked my psychiatrist if it s a good idea to stop seeing my psychologist a we only talk about my problem my psychiatrist told me to still go a it help me vent my frustration i m not gon na lie it help and it s fun for me but i notice after i gained mass from covid my libido slightly increased a well also i went on my first date in my entire life the date had a lot more anxiety than i have mine wa non existent the reason why i want to stop my clobazam treatment is i think i have a significant improvement with my anxiety even my ocd ha improved i have a lot le to worry about regarding failing my engineering course a i m almost done i want to save more money i grew up here in south africa and a lot of terrible thing don t faze me anymore sometimes i find it quite funny i really want to see if it wa the clobazam that tanked my libido and i would like to gain it back please so what do you think after week with the presentation that s coming up i m gon na see how my anxiety is had some physical chest pressure but that wa due to issue at work which i had to resolve myself and after that i m gon na slowly reduce my clobazam to 0mg also did any of you who were on clobazam had an impact on your libido i wa impotent when i first started at 0mg but it s manageble at mg after the weight gain some slight improvement,1
i don t know why but i am convinced that i am a horrible person and a burden to everyone like i am convinced that i hurt people all the time and i don t know how to get rid of that thought,1
i m planning on moving out of my father s house for the first time in my life my entire life i have gotten anxiety when i would stay away overnight somewhere other then my own home i used to not even be able to do sleepover but i ve improved a lot since then and even took a five day vacation to visit a friend last year and only felt bad the first day i know moving out will be good for me too however when i think about moving out my thought immediately go to how many panic attack i might get for a while after i move out and i m honestly terrified doe anyone have any advice that could help with this i can t live at home forever lol,1
i am relatively new to anxiety it started a month ago with an sudden fear of dying and two severe panic attack the same night that brought me to the er since then i am constantly anxious have had a whole range of symptom chest pain numb left shoulder headache feeling cold there are so many physical symptom so i have found this page apology if already posted somewhere with a very large list of symptom that can be caused by anxiety list of symptom http www counsellinghelp co uk panic and anxiety symptom resolved by torquay paignton and exeter counsellor html i am currently trying to ignore my numb left shoulder chest pain and neck pain without much success but knowing they are symptom help i hope it can help you too,1
m since covid started i haven t really been out at all and now i got my first date ever which i ve been tryna put off by excuse and now it s either i go or just loose out on the opportunity to go i ve got health anxiety and a bit of social anxiety i feel like i m not ready but i really don t want to loose the opportunity to take her out on a date i don t know what to do and i m just stressed out i m planning a easy date like bubble tea and a walk in the park probs see the sunset but i m still stressed out lol,1
when i stopped in 0 9 it took me month to taper off it so taking a medication that cause withdrawal symptom like that scare me it s the only thing that help other then numbing the feeling with an antidepressant i m on lyrica 0mg and buspar mg to time a day i don t feel down but my anxiety keep me from moving forward with the thing i need too am i right to continue struggling with anxiety and all the health issue that come from it just so i can avoid a benzo,1
im not sure if this is the right thread to put this under idk if this is considered anxiety or irrational fear ocd or the warning sign of psychosis evolving the other day i saw a spider in my room keep in mind i saw a jumping spider in my room a while ago and i didnt sleep in my room for a whole month maybe even longer a couple day ago i saw another but this time im 90 sure it wa a northern black widow i saw the back of it and it wa black with white spot on it and a huge as it wa all crumpled up so i poked it with a pencil it wa in fact alive it stood up abruptly i screamed and ran to my brother to kill it he picked it up with a napkin and flushed it i wa too frantic to tell him not to flush it so we could figure out what it wa well i wa curious a to what kind of spider it could be so i searched black spider with white spot it didnt look like the writing spider or anything else i came across a match but my excitement of finding a match quickly faded a i read the name of the spider i lost it i went to my mom room cry and she refused to listen to me so i called my dad they all told me it wa nothing and it probably just came in on my dog i calmed down but it didnt help much when i sleep on the couch i vigorously shake off my blanket from my room so i can make sure there no spider on it it become a part of my routine to also shake off my pillow and take them out of the case but tonight while i wa shaking them off something occurred to me what if there wa spider in my pillow now i cant use my pillow because all i can think about is spider being in it i also heard a story about a guy that woke up covered in them because there wa a nest in his pillow and a bunch of spider hatched im terrified i cant sleep without a pillow and my first day back to school is tomorrow and it super late i dont know what to do i cant sleep and this is greatly exhausting me i couldnt even use my favorite blanket since it grey and if one of the spider is on there i wouldn t be able to see it what should i do to make my life normal again how do i overcome this please help,1
i know these question are probably annoying and kind of outdated now since most people i know are fully vaccinated but i just need the extra reassurance that i ll be alright i have my first dose and it wa fine pfizer but i m so freaking nervous about the second one it s so funny how my anxiety work around this i have health anxiety and worry about getting sick a lot so it s like get vaccinated but i m scared of the side effect lmao how were your preferably positive experience with your second vaccine,1
tw mention of anxiety ocd allergic reaction back story in 0 9 i had a bad batch of sushi and developed scombroid scombroid fish poisoning or histamine fish poisoning is a syndrome resembling an allergic reaction that occurs after eating fish contaminated with high level of histamine i had every symptom of anaphylaxis and wa taken to the hospital in an ambulance where i wa diagnosed with a scombroid i had never heard of this neither had my parent but god ha it ruined my life and all the progress i ve made regarding my anxiety after this happened i developed a serious fear of becoming allergic to food i ve eaten all my life to the point all i ate for eight month wa plain chicken tender and tater tot and even with a basic menu i spent every day having panic attack convinced i wa having an allergic reaction flash forward to early 0 0 my fear extended into what wa diagnosed a ocd i spent every five minute lathering my arm and hand in hand sanitizer because i wa afraid of touching something i wa allergic to and not knowing i would even put hand sanitizer on my lip if i accidentally touched my hand to my mouth before i could clean them i have since sought out help and have stopped my obsessive sanitizing however the fear of an allergic reaction through eating ha not gone away i still struggle to eat but it really hasn t been an issue for me lately until tonight my food tasted funny and it sent me into a spiral it s so hard to express to people that hey my body is creating fake symptom that aren t actually happening and i am freaking out and it s so disheartening when i let it get this bad i know progress isn t linear and that one bad day doesn t set you back to square one but i can t help but feel like all my hard work is erased when i let my anxiety win basically i m trying to see if anyone ha any advice to handling serious health anxiety when it get to attack level maybe someone else ha been in this exact situation and i m not alone it would be nice to feel le alone any kind word or advice regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated,1
let s not leave anyone alone,1
i ve made phenomenal progress with my anxiety issue over the decade but one thing ha gotten worse and i m not sure what to call it if i start a train of thought and i suddenly remember something traumatic or embarrassing or unpleasant i start to feel bad and i start to say thing out loud when i say the thing it seems to release pressure so that it s easier for me to stop thinking about what upset me it s usually something like no or amen although it cycle and it s been worse thing like i hate myself or i want to die it s annoying enough when i do it by myself but i ve started doing it with my husband or child around and it worry me to know he s hearing me say these thing is this actually a kind of tic if not what is it doe anyone else do this,1
i got a new job two week ago it s going amazingly i m a cashier at a retail store before this job i mainly did stocking in retail but i needed a job and they didn t have another position open everyone there is fantastic and it s fully staffed unlike a ton of other retail job i ve had i feel really comfortable already they even asked if i wanted to be a supervisor so quickly because of how well i ve taken to it a downside would be that i don t love being a cashier you re kinda chained to a little spot and have to interact with hundred of people daily but i m managing i m also used to heavy physical exercise at work which i no longer have however i adore the people at the front end and have been invited to a hangout with them i m super extroverted but i m not used to this level of constant interaction however i m well liked by staff and customer in the moment through out the day for most part i feel safe and comfortable however once i leave is a different story i ve always been an extremely anxious person cripplingly so at work i can get overwhelmed but i m always able to soothe myself i don t usually freak out though once i get off i feel a wave of anxiety i immediately feel tense driving home i had a panic attack yesterday on the drive home to the point that i wa hyperventilating i can t seem to get myself to relax i go into fight or flight then my brain will search for literally anything to be worried about covid cancer my boyfriend leaving me my physical appearance declining i end up staying up all night worrying and freaking out i can t get myself out of the thought loop i begin to feel terror and existential dread yes this happened before i worked this job but it s worse now i can t get myself back down from it why is this happening any tip to bring myself in the moment after work,1
whenever i sit down to study my heart start racing and i feel overwhelmed and anxious i think it s my fear of failure sometimes it s so bad i have to lay down anyone else,1
i m a year old male and today is the last day to drop out of uni without paying for the semester i ve been trying to get this degree for a long time and i finally seemed to be on track until last year when my year relationship ended and i wa basically unable to function let alone study properly so now i ve still got full year left to complete and i just can t come to term with staying broke for that long at this age until i ve finished furthermore i m not medicated for my adhd because i couldn t deal with the side effect it s overwhelmingly frustrating and shameful because i know i m intelligent and it s an interesting degree the other thing is i ve basically told my friend and family that there s only year left for some absolutely dumb reason being at uni gave me at least something to tell people that i wa working towards now i m going to have to accept that i m a complete failure with a massive debt if anyone wa in a similar situation or ha advice i d love to hear about it peace,1
for context my so and i are living with our in law temporarily a famously difficult living arrangement and the main issue ha been their constant and relentless remark they love passive aggressively hinting at thing they dislike and throwing little dig here and there to get a rise out of u i m well aware that they are very much projecting their own insecurity unhappiness onto u and i m somewhat able to find solace in that yet it still get tiring after awhile i m extremely sensitive and hyper aware of myself and others and even little throw away comment can feel like a punch in the gut sometimes we plan to move out soon but for the time being how can i distance myself emotionally and take thing at face value,1
ha anyone dealt with tight throat shortness of breath for multiple week i ve been short of breath for almost week now i just got prescribed escitalopram and this is my first time taking medicine for anxiety i need insight if this feeling will go away soon thanks guy,1
for some reason my life feel like i m stuck in the th circle of hell or something i don t know why i can t seem to hold grasp of anything positive i m year old i have a job i hate with a passion i m in school and almost have my degree but it s taken me year just for my aa i want to direct movie i feel like i can truly do whatever i want and live an amazing life but i can t seem to grasp it i know the work i have to put in but depression and thing in life keep holding me down i pray to god a lot for guidance and strength and sometimes thing seem so clear but other time everything slip through my finger and i m lost i know some might not be religious but i do believe in god i workout a lot i used to be obese i look completely different and have a lot of muscle but inside sometimes a lot of the time i feel invisible do i want to be seen maybe but more so i just want to be appreciated and i want a woman who love and appreciates me and i want a family i want a son and a daughter and i want to live a wholesome life and i want to live the purpose i know drive me i have a girlfriend she went into the army for the reserve and left in january it s march and i just watched her graduate basic training before she left thing were really great i prayed and prayed to have a woman like her in my life and it felt like god actually answered my prayer when i found out she wa going in the military it broke my heart because we had known each other for a month she decided to go into the reserve so she could come back and we could have a life however since she s been gone i can t shake this anxious feeling and i feel trapped and depressed my life is being held down and i am losing sight of myself i watch other people have kid and marriage and all my friend have kid now and it s something i ve always wanted since i wa young i don t know how to describe it but i m being trapped by thought of abandonment and her changing her feeling towards me and meeting someone new she s reassured me so many time so many that it s just redundant at this point i m not the man i wa when we met and i m so much le confident now and i m so scared of losing this girl i hate my life now and i ve contemplated suicide i feel so trapped by my emotion and anxiety and i can t seem to function right i don t want to go to work or eat or move or do anything i just want this to be over she will graduate tech school ait in two month and i will know if she stay with me but i m humiliated by this whole thing and for some reason thing in my life feel difficult my self esteem ha crashed and i can t think straight it not right and almost pitiful to think but others seem to have a good life with their spouse and i have nothing i know it s not the right way to think i had goal and step to get myself out of my crappy job and to live my dream but i can t reach any of them because of how held down i feel the advice i m asking for is what to do i m trying to have faith thing will work out with this girl but if they don t i m going to crash hard this will be the rd serious relationship i ve had potentially not work and i am so scared of my future and dying alone and i feel i have a good heart and am willing to put in the hard work for a relationship and to be the man a woman desire this woman is the first one i ve ever truly loved and i just feel so lost and like a child i m sure not many will read this because it s so long but i m just in a bad spot,1
a known now i am m and identify a unlabeled and that s great i used to identify a bisexual but now identify a unlabeled since i feel more comfortable with it straight to the point is that i m scared of how my parent will think of me in the future and how i will tell them my sexuality reason are is that i have a gf and i want everyone around me to see that i m straight but they won t anymore and they will see me a gay because in the future my gf will most likely become trans and switch to being a guy i like guy and girl but don t like the label bisexual idk why so that s why i identify a unlabeled so i will be seen gay to my parent and i live in a catholic family so i m nervous how my future will be and it curl my stomach to think about they said they would accept me if i wa gay but i told my mom i wa straight and her reaction wa oh thank god and now i think she could of been lying idk that reaction make me nervous for the future i m just trying to live a a kid now and enjoy the moment while i could,1
i m a freshman in college rn i have an english essay due tonight however i am so anxious over my result and quality of my work that i can not even finish just the thought of writing or receiving my grade make me feel physically ill big project and essay have always made me feel this way but since i m especially struggling with this one it worse i want to just accept whatever grade i get but i can t the last time i felt like this over an essay my hand shook a i turned it in and i cried profusely afterwards ironically it wa the best essay grade i ve ever gotten 00 but this time i know i would be lucky to get an 0 i wish i wasn t like this i just this day to pas it been nothing but tear nausea and anxiety,1
i feel like i experience anxiety backwards everyone say their thought are racing i get brain fog while my heart s pounding awful stuff when school is my main trigger and getting something done is the way to make it stop dae get muffled thinking when they re anxious any tip on how to deal,1
for the most part my life is perfect in the grand scheme of thing i am probably in the of well off people on this planet globally speaking i have a home car no debt a family etc it is all there however i am so riddle with anxiety and depression that i feel i am just wasting my life away all i do is see red and fear the worst all day every day i just turned 0 in looking back i ve become very sad how ironic sigh realizing how i ve spent from the 0 to 0 being anxious and wasted away all this potential brain space i have no other way to describe it and a i look to the next 0 year ahead i fear i will do the same can you imagine laying on your death bed thinking i worried and anxiously walked through life i had all this pent up anxiety depression anger insert your ailment here and that is what defined my time here i could elaborate but almost every activity whether banal or extreme is met with a flood of negative thought worry emotion etc i sometimes feel like i am vibrating from so much anxiety it s fucking crushing every day is just a struggle to be normal,1
yesterday i noticed puncture wound on my thigh i m actually not really sure what they are they could be abrasion wound i might have scratched there but i can t remember but of course i ve been fixated on bat ever since i heard you might not feel a bat bite i ve been very afraid of them i know i m probably ok like 99 sure but that like a bat might have gotten under my cover bit me then flew out and disappeared is just freaking me out and i thought my toe leg felt a little tingly tonight so i just can t sleep health anxiety is so unreasonable,1
guy do any of you also wake up every morning from scary nightmare and feeling completely estranged when you open your eye like your surrounding feel so foreign eventho it s your own home your own room and it take some time for you to realize youre just fine do you wake up with fear every morning,1
i m have aspect of social anxiety and notice it largely when talking with people i view a smart and they start bringing up some complex idea a they are explaining it i often go through this cycle of oh no they re explaining something complicated you better pay attention or they ll find out your dumb then of course i ve zoned out for a few second now playing catch up and i either nod along praying they think im following or if i m feeling brave ask them to repeat there s a major imposter syndrome component i know but i m just wondering if anyone else struggle with this kind of thing ha any recommendation,1
i m m on a super low dose of buspar all thing considered i think i like it i ve been on it since mid december and break a mg tablet in half and take that x a day so basically mg a day overall it feel pretty good for me minimal side effect other than i can t drink on it alcohol isn t a huge part of my life but i ve always enjoyed meeting friend or coworkers at a bar for or beer for a couple hour once a week that amount is enough for me to get a little buzz have a more lively conversation but also still wake up without a hangover now with buspar after drink i get drunk but not in a good way in like a very confused dumb clumsy and sleepy kind of way i ve basically just cut alcohol out of my life which doe have some benefit i don t spend a much money i don t eat late night fast food no more groggy hangover no staying out late no beer belly but on the other hand i ve basically become a social recluse part of the reason i started taking buspar wa because of my social anxiety and in day to day life such a work and parenting and just going about my day a normal i feel like it s improved but so much of going out in the evening with friend or coworkers or new friend or new coworkers involves drink and a that s no longer an option i ve just kinda found myself le and le interested in going out with people who i know are going to have a night out of drinking not entirely sure how to proceed,1
i get so nervous every time my spouse leaf me he is in the military which happens often and it just spiral me i am so scared of losing him and it make no sense but i feel like we are safer together what can i do to assure myself nothing will happen and if i am just over obsessing over this for no reason,1
sometimes when my anxiety is bad i ll snap at people i always regret it immediately after and i hate that i do it doe anyone el here have this problem if so do you have any advice thanks,1
so the other day i wa playing a game and chatting on the phone with a friend let s call her bri and i have a friend staying with me this month let s call her anna so i told anna that i would be on the phone and she nodded and then later on i got on my call anna felt like this wa the perfect time to call all her friend and be super super loud on the phone with them i m letting anna stay with me a a courtesy because they didn t have a place in town to stay while they worked once i got off the phone with bri anna felt like using her inside voice finally and then basically ended her call around then too anna ha been freeloading and doesn t pay me any rent like she said she would and i think it s incredibly rude of her to act this way the one time in the past month that i had a phone call the thing i m anxious about is that me and bri were talking about some deep stuff on the phone and then we d hear anna in the background being super loud and i m anxious about whether bri is mad at me but i live in a studio so there s no privacy from anna i feel like i should apologize to bri and let her know that my earphone were in the whole time so she know that anna didn t hear any of it since it wa really personal stuff we were talking about while anna took her phone call there s a lot of other thing anna had done while freeloading that upset me but that s for another time since i actually started taking anti anxiety med because of the anxiety anna cause me and the med don t help a much a i wish they would,1
i have severe eco anxiety sometimes it s so bad i have a breakdown and think how can i possibly go on with life if it s headed somewhere so awful i m always worried about my future ever since i wa a kid however most of the time when i m doing okay i want to keep living and i want to do what i can to make that happen i so often see people saying such morbid and pessimistic thing about the future like they ve already given up and i find this so disheartening i also don t think many people realize what this attitude doe to people mental health it is incredibly harmful this kind of opinion breed consequence and make more and more people feel the same way i just want everyone to think about what they say on the internet and how it can be harmful anger and negativity don t do any good so let s not waste time and energy focusing on the bad that wa done rather we should focus on what we can do and how we can help no matter how small the worst thing you can do for the planet is expect someone else to save it please remember it s never too late to save the planet edit i wanted to add something marketing it a powerful tool study have shown that fear mongering doe not work and just creates despair and inaction people need to believe the planet it saveable to save it so when talking about these issue please try to leave the intense negativity aside also i don t want everyone to feel like the world is on their shoulder i just want to do what i can to create a more optimistic attitude towards the future any small change you can make make a difference,1
they didn t respond after a day so i brought it up in person if they even got it and if they liked it they said that picture stress them out knowing that they could be accessed by a hacker and that they didn t do it for them i like to send picture when i m feeling good because it make me feel even better but this sting of rejection is really tough for my anxiety i feel silly and ashamed and don t understand how he didn t like it,1
english isn t my native language so please excuse possible incorrect grammar hi guy so a quick explanation to why i f want to get diagnosed i ve been struggling with panik attack and alot of anxiety since i wa a toddler i think about or yr old i ve done quite alot of research about gad and the vast majority of the symptom i could find describe what i m struggling with quite well so lately i ve been thinking about telling my physiatrist and i have a lot of question and worry surrounding that it would really mean alot to me to read some of you guy s experience with getting diagnosed feel free to share in the comment first of all i don t really know how to approach this conversation with her like how do i start it and what kind of question could she ask me im diagnosed with adhd i don t know if the process is similar to that of an anxiety disorder diagnosed and second what if i don t have an anxiety disorder ive been struggling my whole life it honestly feel like my anxiety ha pretty much full control over what i do and especially what i don t do thanks lt,1
when i talk to people they ask me stuff and everything most my reply just yes no or i m good but in my mind there s just so much i want to say i just keep it all held in and i hate it i try talk and i feel so stupid how can i just open up and talk to people,1
i have got work related anxiety and having a tough time to understand if i should leave this job project and join another company or project why this decision is to be made i am kinda the wiz kid in the project who know everything and everyone is kind of dependent on me which put me in a spot where i can fail alot i am trying to decide what is the right thing to do i am in therapy a well i get triggered whenever i think about work and now it ha become something that happens whenever i think of some big decision i have developed fear of stuff which i never had like height or crossing the road i do cross the road but it take a lot of time i hope the advice i get from this sub reddit will be helpful and help me decide because mental is first,1
had anyone tried luvox i know it s for ocd but i wa given that for said ocd and panic disorder i m bipolar and am already on medication i just wan na know about side effect and if it ha either worked or given anyone trouble,1
i ve been struggling super hard with my anxiety a it s popped up in the most inconvenient of time it s to the point i don t want to go out place with my boyfriend or family party or anything every time i do i have an anxiety panic attack and have to leave ha anyone had any experience overcoming this im on medication and just started therapy just get nervous and feel like something is so wrong with me and i just want to be better,1
i recently found out i have high level of anxiety and i notice i m very anxious at work all the time i just wondering if there s any job that is not to stressful and i can still survive i also think about starting my own business will that be a good idea,1
i know i m not i m fully aware that i m not dying the problem is the fact that it feel extremely difficult to breathe even though i know nothing is wrong my lung are genuinely taking in all the air that they can and i don t have any medical issue there s no pressure around my rib yet i feel trapped i feel like i m running out of breath and it s making me panic and that in itself is making it even harder to breathe i feel on the verge of a panic attack even my posture is fine ha anyone else felt this weird out of breath sensation it feel like no matter how much air i take in it s not enough,1
so i had a doctor s appointment on a school day and i wa so anxious about missing day of school i wa cry because i would miss stuff that day and wa anxious about being behind on my work because my grade are expected to stay the same and not drop is this anxiety or just pressure put on me,1
strangling you like your worry won t let you breathe,1
hi everyone it s my first time posting on this forum i m really in a bad spot wondering if my anxiety ruined my situationship and would love to talk it through with someone if anyone could message me i d really appreciate it here s a bit more color on the situation we were good friend started talking in december hooked up beginning of february got into a disagreement the next weekend at a bar because this girl who he had hooked up with previously wa all over him and it made me visibly very uncomfortable we spend the next week talking every day but not seeing each other i definitely try to initiate a few hangout so doe he but le so and it didn t really work i know he s also talking to other girl a well but continues to tell me that he really like me and just want to keep getting to know me better last saturday we hook up he again tell me how much he like me and that he doesnt want to play game thursday i ask him over snapchat if he want to meet up for st paddy and he doesnt answer we end up at the same bar i make a comment saying ohh i thought you said no game just teasing he get upset and think i m trying to have a feeling talk with him at a bar while he s drunk we flush it out over text the next day and i ask him if he want to hang out this weekend he say we ll see and that he ha some plan already we end up bumping into each other again on saturday this time we talk the whole afternoon but i can tell he s le flirty more withdrawn he s going to a concert so he leaf i tell him later we re all going out to this bar he like and he heart the message this morning i snap him and ask how the concert wa no response obviously i need to leave this man alone at least for a little bit but i feel like back the first time we hooked up he wa so so into me then i ruined it by being jealous at the bar and by continuing to only pursue him i got complete tunnel vision i should have just left him alone and maybe he would have come to me but now i ve put so much pressure on the situation it doesn t help that my roommate who is his friend tell me constantly how much he doesn t actually like me and that he s just a player,1
hi all i guess i just needed to share how i m feeling for year i ve been battling anxiety on and off for year it s been health anxiety primarily heart i ve had so much testing done that show i have rare benign pvc i m healthy and what not that s great and all but this past week i called 9 and wa in the hospital twice i haven t had to call since 0 i will start seeing a therapist and psychiatrist a of this week time a week i ve tried a lot of medicine and never had luck i m now on mg of buspirone with a potential of 0mg depending on how i do i have ativan a needed for emergency medicine now too i m on day of buspirone i know thing take time but before this past week i thought i wa the best i ve been in year i m sitting here sobbing because i can t believe i m back to square i m scared of medicine so i cry a i take the buspirone but i m scared of not be okay too i just feel so lost and hurt i m i want to have a family of my own soon and i can t even see past all my fear and confusion i miss the old me i know my trigger but i don t know what s truly deeply causing this i m so sad i just want to be okay to be my happy self i wa having so many more good than bad day why am i so scared of medicine i am sorry to anyone who feel how i do or struggle i am here for you,1
my mental health ha been sharply declining lately for various reason and i ve found myself in a constant state of dread and paranoia i m far more nervous than usual and i m very uneasy around other people even my family in general i ve been very jumpy recently i m constantly glancing over my shoulder at shadow in the corner of my vision mostly i just feel very unnerved like the feeling you get after watching a horror movie the unnerved feeling is the worst part because it s been interfering with my sleep dae experience this and how do i make it go away,1
for the past year i have been doing online school and now im going back to high school but i have to meet with my school dean today and im so so nervous,1
to be fair i don t have access to much of my family s history past my parent so i don t know if there s a possibility that someone in my family tree had anxiety but when i wa younger i remember taking online test about anxiety because i couldn t see a therapist then worrying about the result did i somehow create my anxiety by self diagnosis then spin it into the real thing,1
im currently looking into getting a diagnosis for gad but it the meanwhile i have been thinking i have been on multiple different medication different diet being more physically active therapy etc and yet despite everything i haven t made any progress into controling my anxiety it still control my life i m so tired of being worthless and i don t know if i ll ever be happy with my life,1
i have gad and have been going through an emotional upheaval with my partner causing extra stress i ve been reducing my lexapro slightly a i felt it wa not working but now am more anxious than ever despite tiny change today i woke up full of dread to go to work no reason i love my job but it all felt too much a a mid ground i decided to work from home today instead of going in i still feel light headed and awful and have the added guilt of messing client around by changing the schedule or converting to online service what do i do how do i get myself to work when it all feel too much,1
had it under control for year taking zoloft every day started to feel better and stopped taking it wa good for like month then change came into my life like new job had to move to a different city and came back out of nowhere with vengeance i m so tired of it idnk if i can get it under controlled this time it s crippling my life,1
hello i have been dealing with bad anxiety for le than a week now which mean that it might not last for long but the idea of it just going away seems unrealistic and i want to be able to deal with my anxiety in the future if it pursues me for the rest of my life i am year of age and live alone i a couple of close friend and family and before my first panic attack where i thought i wa dying i wa having the best time of my life to be completely honest and it somewhat saddens me that my life took at turn for the worse i have always had bad social anxiety but it ha gotten better though my panic attack and my panicked state since last sunday have me questioning what is happening and if the anxiety stem from something unresolved i acknowledge that this would better be discussed with a therapist but the wait time is long to be clear i have far from lost hope but i would like to hear how you guy on here figured out what might be causing it if you did and lastly everyone should know that anxiety isn t going to be the same forever even if it seems bad it can change for the better just like a person and it is natural even though the body s instinct might be acting out of whack,1
ya ll ever had beef with a microwave or an alarm clock,1
i m scared of something and i can t tell whether i m being irrational or not i spend most of my time desperately trying to avoid this particular thing in order to avoid triggering the anxiety i can t even type the word i m not even sure if i m afraid of the thing itself or just the anxiety it provokes i want to confront this fear but i m worried that something bad will happen if i do how do i work up the courage,1
just recently moved into a small condo to be someone s caregiver and i have my own space but i am constantly worried about my neighbor especially the one bellow and above me i worry about every single conversation being overheard and listened to i worry that a a bigger guy i sound like an elephant walking to those bellow i worry that the fancy sound bar and subwoofer i bought before moving wa even an idea is too loud even at quiet level i hate this i feel like i am worried about every single nosie i make i am so used to living in a house with space between each one back when i could blast my music or watch movie with the bass turned up now i am paranoid of watching horror movie because i am afraid that one of my neighbor is going to hear scream and think something weird is going on or hell watching pretty much anything else because i don t want to be annoying i know this is all irrational i know the floor and wall are probably thicker then i think but anxiety won t let me relax i am just paranoid about every sound i make here,1
so i already posted something about this before but it wa more of a vent this is more of a flailing desperate attempt to figure out what to do i have a jury summons tomorrow morning i m crossing my finger that somehow despite it being the weekend they might still update my status a ended so i don t have to go but i know my chance are slim to none i know myself well even if i manage to get any sleep at all tomorrow morning will be hell on earth my anxiety is gon na have a field day it s already pregaming right now given that info i wa wondering if any of you have called in sick to your jury summons because of anxiety and how that went i m willing to try going but should i find that my anxiety is just too much i d like to have some sort of a plan b it kind of scare me the idea of calling in cause idk if they d consider sickness caused by anxiety a good enough reason besides that i know some place will just have you reschedule while others might not be so easy going all this legal stuff freak me out i don t want to be held in contempt sent to jail or fined but i also would rather not have to have a mental break down in front of a bunch of people i don t really have any medication that can help other than propranolol but all that doe is slow my heart rate the last time i took it to try and help during a stressful event i still felt short of breath and really nauseous which wa honestly kind of new i ended up having to hide away from people for like an hour till i felt somewhat better even then after another hour or so i started feeling really anxious again idk what to do i know jury summons isn t really that bad most normal people just think it s boring but for me having so much wait time will just lead to me obsessing over how i m feeling i can t really distract myself that well because i ll constantly be anticipating being called up which could be within the first hour could be multiple hour or possibly not at all on top of that it s early in the morning which i have a pretty bad track record with too early morning like that usually result in me feeling nauseous which result in me not being able to eat much you can t eat in the assembly room but you can t really leave in case they have an announcement so i d have to wait if i wait too long i start to feel really shaky and weak i d say hypoglycemic but i ve been tested for that and apparently i don t have it maybe i m just in starvation mode all the time so i run out of energy nutrient fast anyways any advice is welcome,1
im so confused and frustrated and conflicted and angry and want to cry i feel like my friend have abandoned me all except one of them in our friend group never make plan or ask to hang out and all of them have new friend group this year they re closer with and it almost like there s no one to talk to anymore it s my last year of highschool and i just feel like i don t wan na be surrounded by any familiar face from school anymore and that i don t actually have any friend and people will just tolerate me or they just ignore me all together a bunch of other stuff is going on but idk i just feel so lost and unproductive and like i have no goal i never finish project i start like hobby wise i never finish show and it just make me feel stupid and lazy whenever i try to talk to anyone in my family about something important or good i want to share i feel like most of the time it s an unenthusiastic oh that s great or just not now i m stressed i have to get xyz done which i understand but i don t like opening up for this reason i also just can rarely describe my emotion properly or even know what i m feeling but i don t even like talking about my emotion it make me feel gross and pathetic,1
i have anxious attachment style and i have autism a well i m and i ve never had a relationship last more than month at this point i feel no one gon na understand or love me and i ll be alone forever do girl not like guy that are clingy and sensitive do i have to change,1
this guy and i have been dating for exactly a year the last few day he ha been angry at me because he doesn t like that i sleep and stay in bed all day he yelled at me and told me to do something about my unhappiness on friday night he came into the bedroom and told me that he s sick of my lying in bed all day and always cancelling plan on him then saturday morning he opened the bedroom curtain and i told him to shut them he yelled at me and said that it s a nice day and that i need to see it i came out of the bedroom later and we ended up having sex then i went back to bed how do i dump him,1
hi i hope you re alright erm i dont have anyone to talk to about my problem so that is what mainly lead me here i have been experiencing a very confusing and frustrating situation the past year well technically year i m 0 yr old so through hundred of small bit of information and realisation from family member teacher friend colleague and self reflection i have realised that i have some sort of mental disability my parent and family have tried to hide it from me my whole life but since about year old i have always known i wa different to other people but i just assumed it wa my personality i have suffered from anxiety my whole life and severe anxiety and depression since year old which no one know about not even my parent i have always wondered to myself why i wa so different to other people but i guess i never really thought that deep into it untill recently i went through an awful lot at the age i wa suicidal i used to self harm bad ptsd i d say i went crazy i wa just lost and confused so i guess you could say i experienced a life time in year so i defintely learnt alot and i came out a completley changed person for the best not worst which i am only seeing now i learnt to appreciate life family friend mental health and relationship while you have them i have always struggled to make friend i have been bullied on and off in school and i struggle to keep my existing friendship i struggle to talk to people i also had to go to speech therapy session and haven hand writing session outside of school everyone say im quiet which i am but i wish i wasn t i have so much i want to say and express i just really struggle doing it so so i dont get embarrassed i tend not to talk too much the past year i have realised that i have some sort of mental disability which ha been quite alot for me to take on especially on my own through alot of small thing like when my college teacher refused to tick the box on a form which stated i had no learning difficulty for 9 month staright well dom how about this let leave the box unticked for now and if at a later date you decide to open up about it we will tick it making feel like a fucking mental patient so i told my cousin about this and his response wa wait your parent haven t told you so i left his house immeditetly started driving home and broke down cry i eventually got the gut to ask my parent but their answer wa we got you tested when you were a kid but the doctor said it wa unconclusive then i told my friend about all of this and they all agreed that they think i have a disability s like aspergers autism adhd ocd which shocked me even more so then i started looking back through my life and alot started to fall together and make sense which wa extremely emotional for me then i found out that my uncle and cousin on my dad side have aspergers and that auntie amp cousin have aspergers and auntie ha dylexia on my mum side my mum and dad definitly have something too but no one will tell me this then made me realise that i am an extreme cocktail of this i have struggled my whole life but assumed it wa just me but the thing is i still dont know what i have and it making go crazy my family are hiding it from me i think i have aspergers but then again it could be adhd dylslexia something else autism i dont fucking know and i have no support off anyone i have no one to talk to and im going insane ive been feeling so lonely for year i really need a councincillor im ashamed and afraid to tell my parent about my depression anxiety and everything because i dont want them to start worrying about me it also alot for me to admit it not that easy for me i dont want my whole family knowing too so everything is locked up inside me then it come out in weekly or monthly burst where i just break down i am writing this at that time what would you recommend i do about this do you have any advice i would really appreciate it i would appreciate talking to anyone who want to share thing too thanks,1
trigger warning for the last few week i ve been getting random burst of anxiety almost like a panic attack is about to come on when i m out for dinner with friend in work or sometimes even when i m alone i ve dealt with anxiety panic attack in the past and it went away for a while i can t pin point anything that s triggering it since i ve cut out caffeine etc it seems to come on when i become hyper aware of my own existence and that i m here on earth lol idk how else to explain it i have been drinking twice a week maybe this could be causing it i m not sure it s annoying because i m trying to share valuable time with people and this ha been getting in the way it s making me annoyed at myself and i m trying to not beat myself up over it i wa out for dinner earlier tonight with somebody i ve been dating and had to excuse myself to take a breather i explained to him when i came back that i felt a bit anxious and he wa super empathetic and explained it happens to him sometimes too doe anybody know any technique to counteract a panic attack i tried breathing exercise but i d be open to trying anything else if anyone ha any advice,1
on monday i woke up and had a temp of 9 degree celsius 0 fahrenheit so went to the hospital after waiting there for hour i got diagnosed with a rare genetic heart problem called brugada syndrome and gastroenteritis been a fucking shit week lol i m just venting just because i ve got a problem with my heart doesn t mean you do and i m not trying to create any doubt in your mind just need to get it off my chest lol,1
it happens a lot when i dissociate at least i have been all day and everything seems like it s moving at the speed of light my whole body feel dizzy and shaky too because i slept hour the main cause of me dissociating today and sometimes it ll randomly feel like everything is going super slow and it feel like i m like stuck in quick sand or something trying to move forward and do stuff but something keep pulling me back,1
my throat feel so wierd i don t know if it s anxiety or something medical i ve heard anxiety make your throat feel like this but i also don t feel like i m anxious this have never really happened to me before i m on medical so this shouldn t happen should it someone please help,1
if your anxiety is attached to your career goal doe success or validation relieve it,1
i ve been feeling pretty even consistently which is good i missed a dose the other night i usually take them before bed i fell asleep on the couch by the time i woke up at am i felt it wa too late before the next dose so just halved the dose today i truly felt the difference and realized the importance of this medication i do find that now that i know what it s like to live like someone with a more normal brain wave thanks to the med when anxious start do enter my mind now it s much more frightening than it wa before even though i ve lived with gad for a long time i wa diagnosed with it a couple of month ago and still i m having difficulty accepting it doe anyone else have the experience of anxious thought now more pronounced and frightening when they are experienced upon missing a dose,1
hello all i have anxiety pretty bad which i take lexapro for around the beginning this week i started urinating blood it happened time ever since then i have had to go constantly i made an appt that same day at my urologist and they did indeed confirm there wa moderate blood in my urine they requested i schedule a ct scan which i did at the beginning of april since thats all that wa available they also prescribed me an antibiotic which i have been taking a few day so until something take place i just have these crappy symptom in place until something happens i dont know if i have a uti something else or what i ve never had one before so i dont know what to expect even if i did i m really not in any pain besides the discomfort of having to go constantly accompanied by a dull achy feeling it worse at night when i m trying to sleep and laying in bed also tried azo and ha not helped either any idea how to deal with this and not lose my mind in doing so,1
hi i m f i wouldn t say i have an ed but i do have anxiety over food and weight i ve been told i m slim and it want it to stay that way however my parent don t seem to fully get that my dad like to make all my meal which upset me bc his food isn t the healthiest like today he made me a sandwich w a lot of mayonnaise which got me into a rage filled episode where i punched my leg multiple time and couldn t stop cry tho i did they in the bathroom by myself then afterwards he made me ice cream and that scared me even more so i aggressively worked out and punched my leg i get so anxious that i ll get bigger and so all i can think abt is food i ve tried to talk to my dad but he doesn t appreciate it he enjoys making me food my anxiety is getting so bad,1
doe anxiety get better after 0,1
i m yo female i just graduated in november and been diagnosed with depression and anxiety i always thought graduating wa great cause i always wanted to start a career and i can finally be a real adult plus my symptom were getting better and my shrink decided that i don t need med anymore shortly after i graduated i got a job were i basically create tiktok video for a company i thought i would enjoy this because i do really like being creative but they asked for too much video in a day with great quality not just simple tiktok type video and i had to basically do everything alone it took the joy out of something i truly passionate about plus they didn t pay me enough so i had to quit then i got a c job for a hosting company that pay well plus i can work from home which is a huge plus i thought it wa okay but oh no they didn t train u well to handle customes with their technical issue and i don t have a tech stem background and the workload wa scary for a fresh graduate even one of my co worker who had a computer science degree quit at the second day of the job i tried to suck it up but it worsen my depression and anxiety symptom that were practically gone were coming back to me i cried everyday because i keep thinking i m stupid and inadequate one day i had a panic attack in the middle of my shift and i decided that it wasn t worth it anymore so i quit not working wa so freeing but gave ne anxiety and depression a well because i see so many of my peer already starting their career and they seem to be able to suck it up so i had to apply for a new job tomorrow wa my first day and my last job really traumatized me i cried thinking that i would feel like that again feeling trapped again inadequate and stupid and just overall feel like shit plus thinking that we all have to do this for practically the rest of our life is fucking scary do you have any suggestion or anything you can say,1
i ve been having anxiety and i m wondering if my sternum hurting is a part of it,1
hello i would really love some advice support from the community all day long i ve been so anxious that i absolutely ruined thing between the guy i wa interested in and myself i really liked him and i got complete tunnel vision about it i feel like we just ended up talking too much that i wa trying to get serious too soon and that i ruined it all by not being the chill cool girl how do i come back from seeming like a clingy freak is there a comeback from this,1
towards the end of my senior year of high school my anxiety wa at an all time high i d cry in the parking lot having a panic attack nearly every day and i missed sm school because of it luckily my school teacher and counselor were very understanding and helped me get through it and graduate but i wa very close to not being able to walk due to my attendance i got through it though and over the summer that extreme anxiously gradually faded out surprisingly when i entered college my anxiety wa probably the best it s ever been to be specific my social anxiety wa nearly non detectable i still had some general anxiety about school and stuff but tbh even that wa barely there most of the time i kinda developed a carefree mindset where i stopped being so anxious about being a people pleaser and instead wa just myself i knew i wa a good person i m funny loyal adventurous and a good friend so if anyone didn t like me that s their loss tbh i felt this way in high school too at least in term of knowing my worth the only difference is i wa to afraid to show myself to people unfortunately though i think this carefree attitude went a bit too far a it started affecting my academic i have adhd too so that made me struggle with stuff ofc but i think that my new stance on my life kinda made everything even worse academically i dropped out after one semester i didn t want to but i knew i had to since i wa basically not trying at school didn t like my major horrible grade i wouldn t be able to afford it if my scholarship wa taken away due to my grade if i stayed i d probably be put on academic probation for a major i don t even care about anymore there s probably many more reason that led to me dropping out but moral of the story is i m not in school anymore the past two month i ve just been at home honestly doing nothing i enrolled in community college but i attended two class and then on the day of my rd class i got extremely depressed probably the most depressed i ve ever been i couldn t eat sleep or even drink water obviously i couldn t get outta the house and go to my class if i couldn t even do basic thing like that so my mom made me drop out she wa actually the one who kinda forced me into it i wanted to just take a break from school for a semester and work for a bit so i could figure out what i wanted but she wa adamant about going to community college since leaving community college i ve been trying to get my shit together i still have bad day depression wise but it s gotten better i started seeing my therapist again and i m also getting tested by a neurologist to see if i have anything else going on outside of my adhd anxiety and depression a my therapist and psychiatrist think i might have some processing disorder once i see the neurologist i think i wan na get a job again my old job wa great a it wa a small business so they were le strict i m chronically late by at least 0 minute but my old bos wa understanding about that in a way i feel like larger business wouldn t be anyways back to my point today i got a sudden wave of anxiety i haven t felt since probably my first day of college tbh since i haven t experienced it in a while i forgot how debilitating and overwhelming it is idk how to deal with it now,1
i wa on lexapro 0mg for over a year and it worked amazingly and went off of it with my doctor s approval i had brain zap and dizziness for like week and then got hit by a truck with physical anxiety symptom i wa off for week total some symptom were the same a why i started it in the first place like head pressure racing heart and a lot of trouble sleeping i wa a wreck before lexapro with constant panic attack and physical anxiety but i got new symptom of forehead and face numbness with tingling and burning sensation which i haven t had before i ve been back on lexapro for and half week and the symptom that are driving me crazy are the face numbness and tingling it s been ongoing for week i spoke to my doctor and am seeing a neurologist i m scared this is a rebound withdrawal affect of stopping lexapro and that it s never going to go away i hope it s just anxiety i can t focus on anything feeling like i have this constant burning and numbness i m seriously freaking out and i hope it go away,1
i ve had anxiety since i wa 9 that wa year after my brother death amp my dad s assent into abusive alcoholism year after my discovery of oxycontin the year of my mom s diagnosis of breast cancer they were all dead by the time i wa i ve been addicted to damn near everything in my lifetime iv user of heroin amp amphetamine but nothing wa ever a bad a the xanax era my mom wa dying in front of my eye just wasting away we were homeless for a while we slept in the same bed smoking meth and taking any rx med that took u out of the moment i m now i m married living in a shitty basement apartment i developed epilepsy last year amp have been out of work since my husband work a lot so i m just alone a lot of the time been on so many psych med spent month in a top ranked trauma center in baltimore got round of electro convulsive therapy ketamine treatment just completed my rd inpatient drug rehab on friday back to drinking by sunday i can not take this anymore what do i fucking do like can anybody help i ve done recovery program worked the step been in therapy once a week for the last year nothing is working and i just don t want to be here anymore somebody please help please,1
for week i wa cripplingly anxious all day but had a few drink and realised i m only ever comfortable when drunk idk i realise it s unhealthy like soooo much but it s better than my sober self l how can i try and feel the same when i m sober,1
hi i keep getting stressed anxious all of a sudden and don t know why for example this morning i woke up pretty calm and wa just relaxing in my apartment doing random thing i started to watch a show then all of a sudden realize i feel restless and slightly weird and i notice my jaw is clenched but i cant unclench it and then yeah it usually just spiral from there or i just feel really fragile for the next hour or two any advice it starting to happen multiple time per day when i m trying to do thing and completely get in the way i haven t been able to do schoolwork in week or anything that requires much brain power,1
ok i have social anxiety i m actually quiet smart however when i m in social situation the anxiety is so much my brain go to mush like simple thing like counting money etc is so hard because my heart is beating through my ear i also dissociate ha anyone else experienced this phenomenon when i m by myself i can do all these task easily but in front of people literally become an invalid like it hilarious how people dumb down thing for me sad but all you can do is laugh,1
i have social anxiety but over the last couple month i ve become more and more scared of people im not talking about the social aspect but about the behaviour of people they can be so agressive some people at my school just have no shame and wan na fight you etc and it really really scare me and make me so anxious it make it so hard to just go out and go to school,1
for past month i ve been having those really weird head rush while falling asleep it s like sudden tension headache head adrenaline rush it s a really weird feeling almost like my head is going to explode when i open my eye my anxiety obviously kick in but the head thingy immediately stop even though the tension headache is kinda on going my anxiety started because lf this head thingy that started happening to me and i also developed a little depression because of it cause i have 0 idea what that is and even doctor are clueless anyone have an idea i am struggeling so hard since this started,1
today ha just been so shitty it s so busy at the store i work at and i just constantly feel like i can t breath today i m also so paranoid because i ve been texting my family literally all day and nobody s gotten back to me so i m stupidly paranoid about something bad happening to them,1
it s excruciating every time i interact with a romantic partner because i go basically mute when otherwise with anyone else or even with that same person just before we re dating i m hyper and outgoing and comfortable and creative and i can experience and express thought in my head i say a partner a i ve dated four all very different type of people and experienced the same draining of brain juice a soon a we make eye contact a partner it suck lem me know if you can chat about it all relationship lasted almost to a year and i m in th grade by the way thanks for reading and take care today,1
sometimes when i m sitting down usually while thinking about something negative or feeling stressed anxious which mean my breathing is also a bit shallow or slow i suddenly feel a moderately painful pinch zap sensation in my chest that is also felt exactly in my wrist at the same time like the same nerve wa zapped is this something that could be due to anxiety stress i ve had an xray and echocardiogram that both came back normal do any of you also experience this,1
i have anxious attachment style and i have autism a well i m and i ve never had a relationship last more than month at this point i feel no one gon na understand or love me and i ll be alone forever do girl not like guy that are clingy and sensitive do i have to change,1
i am year old and i finallly came to the conclusion that i need help with anxiety i signed up for therapy and will have my first session in a couple of day prior to the therapy session i met with a prescriber to discus medication they recomended starting me off on zoloft or lexapro in general i tend to think of medication a a last resort not just for thing like this but in all aspect for example i rarely used medinces perscribed to me for pain after surgery and would only use them if absolutely necesarry i don t even like taking ibuprofen for a headache unless it is unbearable given that i am trying to figure out whether or going on anxiety medication is necessary for me or not i am worried about going on something for the rest of my life and am a little concerned about the side effect on the other hand i have been reading some post on here about how much med helped people i am hoping to hear from some people that have been on any of these medication and what their experience were also if anyone ha any thought on whether or not someone that is new to this whole anexiety improvement journey should jump into med or just try therapy first and see how that go i always kind of ignored my anxiety and told myself that since i have been able to graduate from college with a good degree hold down a great job for several year and maintain good relationship that my anxiety must not be that bad but a time go by i am starting to feel like it is getting worse and is negatively impacting my happiness and is leading my to lean on stimulant and alcohol too much which doesn t seem like a long term healthy way of handling this i have also had a couple of concussion in the last few year so i am not sure how much that play into what i am going through i would really appreciate it if some people could speak to their experience or have any encouragement or advice for someone just starting out in therapy and potentially medication please reach out if i can add additional context to my situation to help clarity where i am at also i wa reading some other post on this sub about people being tired all of the time i have spent year trying to figure out medically why to no avail i am starting to wondering if my axiety is causing it can anyone speak to any experience or epiphany they have had with this thanks garrison,1
doe anyone have such horrible anxiety that they have full lost their appetite i have terrible anxiety i have a new job to attend small kid to take care of a mortgage to pay and my anxiety is out of this world everyday i am down to having the desire to drink tea water only and i don t know how much longer i can function trying to keep up with basic baseline life is so miserable a an anxious person,1
i need help on how to stop dizziness from anxiety i haven t been sleeping well,1
i just can t seem to relax throughout the day every time i think about sitting down and reading watching a tv show meditating putting a face mask on etc i ve got 000 thing on my mind random stuff anxious thought thing i have to get done etcetc so i never get to truly relax i panic just thinking about reading cause it ll be calm and there s nothing to distract me from my thought until i m able to focus on the book which can take a while the only time i m able to actively relax is when i m tired after i ve worked out for h in the gym or late at night got ta find the sweet spot between anxious mess and falling asleep feel like walking a tightrope amp even when i manage to get there i have more important stuff to do than relaxing eg studying amp other stuff that my anxious self didn t manage to do,1
i m a girl on the autism spectrum about to leave my school graduation year but dammit my school a school meant to help autistic youth mind you ha been going down the drain over the past few year and it ha gotten extremely worried about how i m going to work in the future if i can even get a job at all,1
advice for adult separation anxiety i m have been with my girlfriend f for over year our whole relationship we have lived apart at our parent house and still do with no issue we see each multiple time a week do fun romantic thing almost never fight she is the love of my life and i seriously see myself spending the rest of my life with her week ago i got covid and i isolated in my room for 0 day only the third time in our relationship we ve been apart for this long after the isolation i came out with a new found love for my girlfriend i realized that i truly want her in my life and i want to be with her forever i knew this before but it wa like a huge reminder since my isolation ha ended though and i saw her again anytime i m away from her i have crazy anxiety like almost can t function don t eat etc nothing ha changed expect for the better imo i now realize she s the one and she feel the same way but for some reason after year of no issue mentally or in our relationship i have developed what i believe after doing some research to be adult separation anxiety definitely anxiety i ve told my girlfriend all this and had a big cry with her and she ha been nothing but supportive and loving i know she s with me for the long haul and i m not worried about that when i m thinking straight but when i m not with her i go crazy i ve reached out to an online therapy company to have a virtual session a i need help and i don t know what to do my girlfriend is super supportive but this can t be healthy for a relationship that my biggest fear is losing just looking for some advice maybe some similar experience and how you went about it anything help,1
so here i am at a baby shower only person i know is the expectant mom sitting at a table by myself i hate event like this,1
it turned into a fear of leaving the house or even driving a mile away from fear of having a panic attack it just getting terrible and it just so much to take like month ago i wa living in a big city walking mile to and from work by myself on a busy street no problem now im terrified of even driving a couple mile to a gas station without fear of a terrifying panic attack,1
hello all i am in need of some advice and input on behalf of my wife she wa officially diagnosed with anxiety a few year ago now and she hasn t really pursued any sort of treatment it s a very sensitive topic to her and so we haven t really discussed her option medication is an especially taboo topic she ha a ton of hesitation about starting medication because she doesn t think the side effect and downside are worth the potential positive aspect i guess i wa just hoping for some advice personal experience and input about this situation what ha worked and helped what hasn t etc particularly about experience with medication and such thank you so much for your help,1
for awhile i ve been having thought like these i ve spoken to my therapist and i can t really say she s said much i m trying to make it become a bigger topic but these thought seem so weird and i m not sure how to deal with them it s really extreme stuff too i don t see anyone forgetting like i will literally sit there and be like what if i cheated on my boyfriend and just don t remember it you people reading this probably think i m so stupid but it can t just be me,1
doe anyone do the freeze thing a their fight flight freeze reaction and how do you work through that especially when it happens at your job i sometimes sort of just malfunction and can t speak and lose all my thought i don t even know why it happens sometimes but it happens a lot when i make a mistake or do something wrong and then someone higher up try to talk to me about it it s especially annoying and embarrassing in that situation because i sometimes also end up cry or getting teary and i want to just be able to take the blame or whatever but i end up feeling like i m manipulating everyone into just feeling bad for me or if i m not cry and i can t speak i don t want them to think i don t care the other day i had that happen and the assistant director who wa telling me not to do what i did noticed i wa getting emotional and i could tell she didn t know how to respond but i couldn t speak and explain myself i feel so confident sometimes about certain thing and i feel like i ve gained a level of confidence over the past few year and yet at the same time this particular experience feel like it s getting worse and for background i have never been abused or in and abusive relationship and i know this is a very common for people who have been in those scenario so i don t really know why i react that way sooo ha anyone experienced this and maybe have some word of advice what do you do in these situation,1
i just started a new job week ago i work there day a week for hour just to pay my bill while i m studying so far i ve been dreading every single day so much that i m actually super nervous the day before and it seems like it s not getting better at all i still feel like i know barely anything and i have to ask my coworkers about literally everything and i m insanely anxious and uncomfortable in that work environment i honestly don t even know why or what exactly the issue is but i m having a really hard time feeling at home there if i remember correctly my last job wa completely fine after a week it s funny because it s just stocking shelf at a supermarket in the morning that s my job and i m anxious about it so how long do you think it ll take to get comfortable to actually not being scared a hell of going there,1
i m just completely un able to let go of the past i m sat here thinking about last year i remember being so much happier and stress free but last year i had the exact same issue except i wa thinking about the year prior to that maybe this is just a natural process of growing up i m and i guess life is just gon na get worse from here on in do you think the past just seems better in my head than it actually wa because i seem addicted to it atm,1
i just have random racing thought about the past song etc mostly it s just a constant ear worm it s a bit annoying but i can deal with it but a lot of thought about the past have made me cry due to the nostalgia aspect of it not sure if this is anxiety or something else,1
i ve been in therapy nearly all my life and have gotten very good at using coping skill that help with the cognitive piece of my anxiety i e responding to my thought distraction etc the part that i still have a lot of difficulty with are the physical symptom i e chest tightness deep breathing doesn t really work well for me any suggestion that you all have for dealing with these symptom,1
i have never experience anxiety like this before it feel like my chest is so heavy and i m holding in a puddle of tear at all time i can t eat or sleep i know the anticipation is the worst part but i just don t know what to do with myself my entire thought process ha changed and i just feel a huge cloud of depression following me wherever i am how do you guy cope with intense anxiety once i start having negative thought it just spiral out of control someone please tell me it get better,1
i ve had anxiety for a while now but my worst experience with it to date happened a couple of week ago i wa experiencing panic attack daily for a week and anxiety daily for week before that too now i ve managed to calm my mind slightly and i don t have the psychological symptom anymore but i still have some fuzzy head light headed feeling and crazy fatigue exhaustion where i have to lay down after going out this happens when i m not even necessarily feeling anxious could i still be experiencing symptom of anxiety but just the anxiety is subconscious and i m feeling the physical symptom more strongly any help tip are welcome thanks guy,1
happy sunday r anxiety it s everyone s favorite day of the week sunday the last hour before monday rear it head again let this thread be a space to set your intention share your goal and concern or just to check in about the week ahead,1
anybody else have so much anxiety over confrontation that they block out feeling angry i ve always been terrified of confrontation and i feel like a a result i just bury all of my anger not only do i never speak up about it but i also don t really allow myself to feel it not sure how to stop but i feeling like it is eating away at me i also feel like it might be causing me physical pain it s just exhausting a is all of anxiety,1
i m a year old girl who s been talking to a psychologist for the last few month i have social anxiety and she s been helping me a lot with how to deal with intrusive thought and seeing different scenario when i started talking to her i didn t realise that this wasn t going to be a forever thing during our last meeting she told me that i wa doing great and trying to put myself out there by doing my homework telling some really close friend i got anxiety after talking in front of the whole class and such but then she also said that what we re doing right now is like learning how to ride a bike and that it would soon be time to take off the training wheel we booked session for about five more week before the session ended she think i m ready but i really don t i ve been having so much anxiety about this situation because i ve really come to depend on talking to her every week it s been three day and ive been cry so much i really want to tell her i m not ready but then i ll also have to tell her that i always pretend i feel better than i actually do when talking to her there are so many thing i ve not talked about because i thought i had more time i really don t know what to do right know any help or advice would be appreciated cause this is causing me so much stress,1
it seems to cause physical symptom too been having terrible health anxiety symptom out of the blue terrified of my throat closing up randomly and you ll never guess what my anxiety is currently making me feel throat tightness currently going through this cycle of scared of throat closing gt fear cause sensation of tight throat i hate how health anxiety make your brain convinced you re gon na die recently ran to the doc thinking i had cancer found a weird lump in leg it wa a lymph node if it s not cancer it s allergy or a rare autoimmune disorder no therapist ha yet been able to help either it suck and make it hard to live a normal life,1
saw doctor week ago they just gave me a cream they told me to do a blood test however my anxiety wa so serious i had to ditch really scared of needle now the rash is worse i m so scared i have awful thought amp my next appointment is forever away scared i ll just drop dead or worse,1
i sleep plenty i drink plenty of water and i eat pretty healthy no matter what i do though i m exhausted and just want to nap all the time i m seeing my psychiatrist this friday so hopefully i can find some answer but ha anyone experienced this or have some advice i have taken a couple of blood test too but the result were normal everything wa fine,1
i believe it s a psychosomatic symptom in my arm but what s it called when you overthink about a limb and hyperfocus on it it feel weird like nothing actually wrong but it s a constant focus because you re thinking about it it s like if you overthink about a word it start to sound weird i hope that make sense i m not really sure how to refocus my attention off of my left hand feeling uncoordinated when it s not but it feel like it is like i m hyper aware my left hand exists and i know that sound so silly but any insight on how to stop this or redirect my thinking i don t feel like being in this rut any longer,1
can t stop thinking i m dying of something anything all the time petrified a usual but i m also too scared to go to the doctor and the whole shebang anyway so here i am stewing in my own juice of despair agonising over all the what ifs while doing absolutely nothing about it don t you just love it ironically i feel like even if i did manage to get myself to talk to a doctor get an mri and blood work and all that dramatic stuff i still wouldn t believe them i feel so trapped,1
it s been month know i have been having thing on and off pain fatigue dizziness anxiety nauseous headache pressure and stuffy nose random pain in different area of the body i don t know what to do,1
i ve been struggling with feeling stress for the last year because of family and job issue a couple night ago i had really bad insomnia and wa up all night i felt exhausted but couldn t sleep all i could do wa lie on my sofa even getting a glass of water wa effort then in the morning my chest felt tight and my thought got kind of jumbled and overwhelming i couldn t sit still and i got up and paced for awhile i had to take deep breath i felt sick to my stomach the whole thing lasted about ten minute but i ve been really tired the last couple day feel like a hangover or something but i didn t drink the reason i m not sure if it s an anxiety attack is because i always heard that it felt like dying to have a anxiety attack and i didn t feel that i felt really unwell though any advice would be appreciated thank you,1
hey people 0 started with one huge panic attack and dissociation and all that fancy stuff for me that really messed it all up about ish month ago i started going to therapy and i can leave the house feel normal and do all the thing even stay in front of people with no issue all that stuff but when it s about pm or later i get this insane exhaustion and zoned out feel i get sensitive i feel like my head is full of wool and i am very sensitive to dissociating which could result in panic moment i have my survival kit inspired by people with bpd some stuff i can touch some stuff to smell including ammonia capsule for super intense moment which i have never used before and all that but this is more for the acute stuff the zoning out in the evening creep up on me it doesn t come 0 to 00 in a few second it arrives slowly and go away slowly and it is so annoying i would even say that without this feeling i would be 90ish anxiety free that s because this feeling is the main thing that lead to anxiety in the first place some topic i am sensitive to but that s not relevant for this post without this massive exhaustive burst and the zoning out i would feel what i consider to be normal mindfulness meditation can sometimes get me out of this but this is usually sort of a training that help me control the stuff when it s there or for accepting it but i wan na know if there is something that can help me in my daily management to not even have it happen or at least reduce it oh btw showering help too and eating also reduces zoning out weirdly enough since i started zoning out i am not really able to properly detect hunger anger and zoning out usually come first for context i am a university student with ton of deadline in my back i am easily stressed but i have no other choice than powering through i am semi successful with all that uni stuff but it work i can run the household too i take care of myself i cook healthy food i shower and working out is on the plan too but not existant rn because i have so many assignment to take care of thanks for any help i know this is a lot of random text but i am just looking for someone who is experiencing similiar thing,1
i ve been taking escitalopram for a while now it s helped in that i can t even remember the last time i had a panic attack however i have this really weird feeling it s like i have no strong emotion no motivation for anything the thing that brought me joy before don t anymore is this a symptom of something else i don t remember feeling like this before,1
it may sound strange but i ve come to realize most of my anxiety stem from my appearance whenever i m out in public i get a rush of depression because i feel like i am ugly and everyone s judging me for it in reality i know it s not true because even if i wa hideous nobody would care it s just in the moment it feel so real and unbearable,1
i hate myself right now because of my anxiety i hate the anxiety and i hate that it make me hate myself i hate that i didn t ask to have anxiety i hate that i didn t ask to be raised in a culty religion that wired my brain to have such a narrow view of the world i hate that i wa raised in that religion by a manipulative mother so now it is difficult to believe anyone i just freaking hate it all ultimately i hate myself for hating myself because i didn t cause this and i shouldn t have to suffer because of how other people treated me,1
anyone else get so distracted by so much around you that you just put off everything i ve been taking zoloft and literally since i ve taken it i ve been so unorganized it s hard for me to keep my room clean i have a bunch of appointment i have to make but keep forgetting to i have a credit card that i need to start using to build my credit but i haven t even read on it yet or gotten it activated i wan na travel and do all of this stuff i ve just been so tired i have so much to keep up with and the anxiety make me nervous to even go to appointment i need to go to the g i doc the breast cancer doc the dentist the gyno all of this stuff i need help getting organized i used to be so organized and now i feel like i m not at all,1
filler text filler tezt,1
what brand have worked for you guy and what brand should i avoid and what s your preferred method to take it gummy vape something different how ha it helped with your anxiety,1
doe anyone have any advice on what to do i m currently having a panic attack after accidentally popping a pimple around my nose i have severe health anxiety,1
whatever sound i hear keep on repeating in my head in an endless loop to the point where if i m in a loud room like the shower or air conditioning is on i start hearing that sound that s looping in my head outside of my mind almost like it warp the real sound and convert it into the sound i hear in my mind i am always very well aware that it s just my head and that it s just the sound repeating although my anxiety can t stop worrying about it being psychosis anyone that can help me i would call my psychiatrist but she doesn t work today so this is my other best option,1
ok so i have been anxious for about year now it s only recently got way out of hand i love being on my own or with my partner only i ve became a hermit because being in public around people is just too much for me it s got way worse for the past couple month i can t even cook for a bit of context i have been out of work for almost year now which is probably why i ve only got worse with little to none human interaction i would cook clean etc while my partner worked now i can t even switch the oven on from fear that it will set the fire alarm off the fire alarm are so damn loud i can hear when people have burnt their food a few house down the street i think it s the fear of people knowing it s my house that s making the god awful sound i put food in the oven the other night while my partner wa at work and once the timer wa done on my phone i wa so nervous to open the oven door incase the plume of steam smoke set the alarm off i wa calling my partner leg shaking that bad i had to sit down i put food in the oven last night again and wa again scared to open the oven door i wa at one point just going to turn the oven off leaving the food in there and make toast i don t mind cooking when my partner is home because if the alarm go off i just run and he deal with it lol i m just looking for abit of advice on how to get over this fear it fully take over me tia i don t like to say i have anxiety a i haven t even been to the doctor to get diagnosed and don t want to offend anyone so i ll call it being anxious for now also if this is the wrong sub to put this on mod please feel free to move this post elsewhere,1
who have these symptom i have it for month but im still anxious and scared,1
hi y all i m currently struggling a lot to do my homework i ve been sitting at my desk for the last probably hour just staring at my laptop and my textbook and i ve barely gotten anything done and the more i think about everything i have to get done the more anxious and overwhelmed i get and the le i can do and it s getting really late and i m exhausted and just want to sleep but i can t go to sleep until i get everything done but i just don t feel able to do anything anymore doe anyone have advice help suggestion,1
my anxiety is so through the roof it cause the whole host of problem depression agoraphobia extreme cynicism trust issue assuming everyone hate me that i come off a mentally incompetent everyone look down on me which cause extreme bitterness and resentment towards everyone i interact with feeling inferior to everyone constant feeling of guilt over everything ultra self conscious always worried that something is going to go wrong if i m not always on high alert and never being able to relax everything feeling really fake because i have to pick and choose what i say very carefully otherwise someone might beat the shit out of me too nervous to look anyone in the eye too nervous to talk to anyone always looking nervous and keeping my head down and staring at the ground zero self esteem because i noticed every little thing i do wrong and mentally flagellate myself for it feeling so hopelessly inferior i can t talk to anyone because i don t notice anyone else s mistake ever major anger issue being so nervous i start cry not knowing how to start conversation because i overthink everything i say or just assume everyone want me to fuck off forgetting thing because i m so nervous i try to do everything super fast so nobody get mad at me and i m always in a rush always really nervous and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one s behind me stomach issue because i m so anxious that i vomit getting this point where i m so anxious that i get overwhelmed or something and i dissociate and can t understand what s going on around me everyone think that i have severe autism or that i m retarded i don t know maybe i am but i ve noticed that these symptom go away if i actually feel fucking safe usually i have to be in a place where there are no fucking human it s got nothing to do with autism i just associate human with danger after having the shit beaten out of me so even being in the same room with someone else put me on high alert no one is screaming at or threatening me and no one is fucking watching me unfortunately i get lonely but people pick up on how nervous i am and they say that it make me unlikeable they say that i come off a creepy shy and weird and i can t even bring myself to talk to people because i hate people fucking looking at me after the incident unfortunately i never feel safe anymore i am stuck clinging to my abuser and being unable to leave them because i know if i m out on my own i ll be destroyed by everyone who see me it s like i m walking around with a giant red target on my back that say kick me probably because i m short and they know they can easily kill me if they want to in my personality is so unlikable they know that people probably thank them for killing me i don t know what to do im really lonely but everything about me is wrong and shitty and i m a garbage human who doesn t deserve to exist all i ve heard from god damn human since the incident is how unlikable my personality is i m sorry i got beaten within an inch of my life for 9 month straight and i m fucked traumatized by it don t you dare call me a wimp if it happened i bet you d be fucked up too and you wouldn t be mr tough guy,1
hello i age have been feeling like i m going crazy these past month after i got my first panic attack i been having all kind of symptom like not feeling my hand before the panic attack but now i been getting disoriented feeling like im like a camera stuck in my head looking at mirror and not feeling properly like myself if i look to the side of me i get scared even yesterday night before sleeping i had a moment that my brain thought i wa doing something and i actually wa believing that i wa doing it for split second been feeling like my heart is dropping a lot my brain skip moment and this all concern me is this all anxiety,1
basically i had chest pain and headache caused by anxiety it felt like having heart attack lack of breathing everything the full package it used to be now it s a lot le like day a week whole day now i am active having fun with friend having fun life but still experiencing major lack of energy like i did not sleep for day it s very annoying constantly felling like i am about to collapse from tiredness,1
for the past month i ve been struggling with crippling anxiety that s manifested into some terrifying physical symptom and panic attack i ve gone to the er three time due to panic attack causing me to believe that i wa having a heart attack or pulmonary embolism my head gi system and cardiovascular system have been really angry with me a of late i ve had zero motivation for anything however today i managed to clean my kitchen living room and bedroom i ve vacuumed dusted did the dish did the laundry put away thing and am going to clean my bathroom considering my health anxiety s made me believe i can t do any amount of work without dying i think this is a success i just needed to celebrate that fyi i started 0mg prozac almost three week ago and i believe a lot of my symptom are my body adjusting to that i start therapy a week and a half from now and i have a med check the following day,1
i can only explain it a a similar feeling to when you re drunk and your head feel heavy and you feel a bit woozy thing aren t moving and the room isn t spinning but because i have a fear or being dizzy i focus on it so much that i ll look at something to see if it move and then eventually it will obviously that s because i m focussing so hard doe anyone else suffer with anything similar how do you counteract it,1
so at the place where i work we had a new girl started off okay work got crazy and we were under the impression she had it under control question were minimal she seemed okay then she wa out sick and we had to take over her desk and long story short there were several thing found that made her a liability and could possibly get u sued by our customer thankfully all thing were corrected and we re okay but now they want to fire her it wa decided that she s out a soon a she s ready to come back from being sick i feel so bad and anxious about this which i voiced to my supervisor who happens to be my mom i said that i didn t feel bad she wa being fired because she deserves it for the huge mistake she s repeatedly been making i feel bad because she s at home having a hard time allegedly but think that she still ha a job like if that wa me i d probably never recover i noticed this anxiety ha me wondering if my relationship is happening the same way where i ll find out later with seemingly no warning that it s not okay and i m fired it s just so hard and i feel so bad but a much a i try to distance myself i can t and i don t know how to make this stop,1
i ve been ill with sinusitis for about week with vertigo anyway cut to the past day i ve been freaking out a it ha been hard to breathe a it sometimes feel like i m choking on water but one of the scariest thing wa that my mouth ha been a bit foamy could this be from dehydration or could it be from nothing serious i really hope it s nothing serious a i have some other mental health condition that can cause some very scary freak out over something small,1
i ve been waking up with anxiety attack every day for the past week it s been a while since my morning anxiety wa this bad i usually get anxious around people or quite randomly throughout the day which i m used to i ve had that since i wa so i can sort of handle that more or le but man the morning anxiety ha me losing my mind i can t function for hour i either lay in bed with racing heart amp thought unable to move or i m the most fuzzy hyperactive person on earth running around doing random stuff just trying to get away from my thought and hoping it ll somehow calm me down i ve tried breathing exercise meditation stretching taking a shower doing stuff to distract me doesn t help much i have to wait til it go away which take around h for me another hour or two until i feel normal again doe anybody have tip please i just wan na be able to manage this until i can get help the worse it get the more scared i get that i ll fail my university class cause i can t get sh t done which in turn make my anxiety worse vicious cycle,1
i just started citalopram this month and my period is late could this be a symptom of starting a ssri,1
a little over a month ago i wa over at a friend s house and got to drinking pretty heavily over the night that i spent a his place every so often he would take the bottle away from me and temporarily and hide because he had the impression that i downing a full bottle of liquor at a dangerously fast pace for whatever neurotic reason the idea became supplanted in my head that he wa trying to intentionally hide it away from me so he could spike the bottle with a finely powdered lead in order to cause me to ingest large amount of a neurotoxic chemical to produce measurable brain damage surely this isn t likely whatsoever right it s all i ve been able to ob and ruminate over for well over a month now i could elaborate on a million different pattern and detail and inform you of the interpersonal context between the both of u but then i feel like i d be trying to create and extract a specific response out of people these are the bare bone and objective happening of the night in mention i ve even seen a doctor about trying to get tested for possible acute lead exposure and hinted towards psychological deterioration on a quantifiable level my intuition tell me that my saboteur had successfully managed to reduce my iq by several point and inflict a speech impediment issue which involves a portmanteau synthesis between word in my inner dialogue the way that it wa explained to me from a team of professional who discussed my case wa that because i m an adult it s much harder for a single instance of lead exposure ingestion to be absorbed or produce any perceptible effect or cross the blood brain barrier due to a lack of iron deficiency and binding capacity to red blood cell ergo a test would not be necessary or productive in my case however i can t shake the idea out of my mind i can t dissolve it or even compartmentalize it a i navigate through the day it s escalated to the point where it s infected every part of my conscious thinking and convinced me that i m no longer capable of achieving any of the goal i ve set for myself with my newfound profound disability that are only noticeable to me surely this is something so asinine so comically absurd that the idea should be laughed at the point of it conception why can t i disentangle the idea from my head it s put me into a state of complete inaction i m too paranoid to engage in any socially or mentally stimulating activity because i m terrified that the sting of observing my cognitive deficit in real time will manifest and i won t be able to articulate myself to anyone or anything for the rest of my life and the stuttering habit i never had that issue before never have i ever possessed an affinity for transposing syllable or stating sentence in incorreclty disjointed sequence i used to write quite frequently before this and conversely i feel an all consuming negation of my emotional affectivity and spontaneity my thought aren t being organically generated and i feel a if i have to strain to think of anything lucid or insightful is it natural to feel like your thought have been utterly attenuated and obliterated with anxiety is it normal to feel a if time is accelerating itself faster than your consciousness can adapt to it progression is it natural to feel former part of your identity and desire to become increasingly disfigured obscured and foreign to yourself the aforementioned friend that i spoke of no longer talk to me a we had a falling out with one another over a relationship that wa rife with gaslighting think of the breadcrumbing tactic some narcissist employ maybe that spurred the main causal effect for why i m patternizing my memory in the way that i am but pouring granulated lead into my liquor without me noticing or it producing any physiological effect that s laughable right,1
i really need a place to vent right now so i kinda moved out for university i wa here for october and november then my school closed due to corona so i wa at home and school started one week ago i still have the opportunity to go home every weekend it a little pricey but still affordable for me so i am home every weekend and during the week i have my own apartment that i really really like but my mental health is so bad here i really dont understand why because im really not far away from my home town i have friend here and a really cute apartment and im so grateful that i can study and live here but i feel so fucking bad my anxiety is so bad i really cant do anything but worry all the time and i dont even know why i am worring it make it really hard for me to eat because i have a lot of problem with eating when im really anxious which make me just more anxious also i feel kinda bad because i am nineteen and so many people in my age can handle living alone so well i know that i shouldnt compare myself with others but i do i cant imagine living b my own at any age but i know that someday i have to and that i cant live with my mom forever idk if someone feel the same but i still feel like a kid most of the time im not ready for being an adult i really cant explain it to myself because i wa a really independent child and it wa always important for me being independent i never had problem with not being home for week but now i cant even be alone for day i know that in this community there are people who are a little older than me and have a little more experience did somebody felt the same way a i do now with moving out and doe it get better,1
there is someone in my life i need to have a conversation with i tell myself i really need to do this to answer the question i keep asking myself and if it doesn t get better then i ll know it s time to cut them out i know i have to do this it will make everything better and solve the problem i got myself ready to start this conversation under the thought that a long a i m trying to communicate it s a win in my book i open the chat and think about typing and i tell myself why even bother it doesn t matter he doesn t care to hear your thought and when you do tell him he s not going to want to fix the problem it s so frustrating because i know what the problem is and how to fix it and i can t i don t know how to take the next step,1
apology if this is confusing i m having an anxiety attack while writing this like most people at the start of the pandemic i got sent to wfh which eventually turned into permanent wfh i loved it my job doesn t involve speaking with people unless it s on my own time and i m only in charge of a handful of people and only deal with the people who need the most help i got to sink into my own little bubble and it s coming back to bite me i ve realized my social anxiety ha gotten so much worse than it ever ha i have so much fear just speaking to other people that i feel insane acting like this recently a promotion became available and i don t want to apply i made the dumb mistake of telling my partner about the opening and he s pressuring me to do it i feel physically sick at the idea of doing this some of it is because i m going to be judged but a lot of it is because i will have to do more in the sense of talking to people i can t get away with meeting a month with people i already know it will be constant employee contact and even meeting with people i don t know i m stressed if the pandemic had never happened i could do it i use to be able to flick a switch and become a whole different person at work who only had minimal anxiety now because home is work i can t feel that separation i try to make my work in a different location within my house but it s not easy with my house set up i know i m going to have to do it whether i want to or not because we need the money and the benefit also i wouldn t be able to forgive myself if i didn t at least try but i m so scared i m worried if i do get it that i will be having constant anxiety attack until i m use to the job i just don t know if i can mentally handle that i m worried if i don t get it i will just be constantly overthinking and causing myself anxiety over not being good enough it s a lose lose situation for me and there isn t anything i can do i just want to run away and bury my head in the sand but i can t so i ll do it knowing the consequence and hope for the best,1
i ve tried different table from the doctor and they all have really bad side effect i also can t live with i ve tried talking i ve tried working out i ve tried meditation and breathing technique is there anything else i can try,1
m no underlying physical health issue known i started taking 0mg propranolol a few week ago missing some day and on others taking tablet when needed they have deffo helped relieve that horrible fight or flight feeling however two side effect i can t stop thinking about which don t seem to be mentioned in the leaflet are the odd heart palpitation and possibly a bit of a cough these typically occur hour after taking the tablet sometimes i don t experience these symptom on others they re quite noticeable i do feel really calm and relaxed after taking them and don t want benzo s ssri but when i experience the heart palpitation i freak out also the cough is kind of worrying too it could be a coincidence i did have covid month ago google of course mention load of other possibility which is nerving anyone else been in a similar boat i thought beta blocker were meant to prevent heart palpitation,1
my habit is having to check on my betta fish and make sure he is doing ok before i go to sleep i prompt him to swim up to me and flare stick his gill out it s how bettas express emotion before i can sleep,1
i have these bad episode of anxiety that last for day where i m constantly dissociated and whenever i try to sleep i wake up almost every hour with my body completely numb and my vision is like zoomed out and everything is super disoriented and weird i m so tired but i can t sleep and it keep me up all night and i m so exhausted i just want at least one good night rest but i can t even get that i feel like anxiety and dissociation are constantly kicking me around and i can never catch a break in life,1
i want to share something my therapist told me that really resonated and stuck with me she said anxiety is like a smoke detector it go off whenever there smoke to keep you safe but a smoke detector doesn t know the difference between a fire or burnt toast so it s our job to identify what s making the alarm go off and how to manage it most of the time it just burnt toast even if you panic when the alarm first ring you soon realise it burnt toast though difficult anxiety sometimes just need u to take a second to identify the source and put it into perspective is it manageable what s the best way for me to approach it without avoiding it so yeah burnt toast,1
hello i m having some trouble understanding my life rn i had a event that i would consider traumatic last year and i don t feel like i haven t been the same since i developed dissociation and depersonalization for a month i had trouble feeling like i and everything around me wa real i have self diagnosed depression and even then i could talk to my friend and have deep relationship with people now i don t feel talking to anyone and i have a hard time reaching out to my friend i have trouble concentrating and functioning a a student and i ignored basically all of my responsibility for the last two month for videogames i ve had episode where i have a lot of anger or i find it hard to breathe when i do something wrong and i ve also had a hard time sleeping i ve recently gone to therapy but i don t feel like it s helping my life feel like hell and my suicidal thought have been stronger,1
please help i need to know if any of you have been on some type of medication for your anxiety and depression and if it s worth me giving it a shot i ve set the date and found the method of my suicide but i want to give life one last try before i pull the final curtain one reason i didn t want to go on medication is because i ve heard it just make you worse and you become too dependent on it in 0 0 my gp didn t want to medicate me after telling him i d made an attempt on my life instead he said to try therapy first which i did in 0 and whilst it wa interesting and i liked my therapist it didn t actually help me please let me know of your experience with being medicated for your depression and anxiety also if you could mention the drug they gave you that would be great thanks,1
hello i have this issue that s been happening more and more frequently a of late starting off back in the office i wa extremely anxious but i found that when i got there i usually always got excited and talkative for about an hour after which i start crashing it feel a like i start sinking into emptiness i get self conscious my selfless esteem crumbles and i start feeling depressed this happens regularly and follows me back home i don t know what to do or how i can mitigate this any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you,1
i m about to be and right after that i m going to graduate after i graduate i m moving back to america back to my hometown and away from my parent my parent won t even be that far away hour away in another city my whole life i ve known nothing but to be a kid obviously and i can t picture myself a anything but that i can t imagine myself a an adult and that terrifies me i m not ready to let go of being a kid i wa extremely fortunate to have a good upbringing and this being a kid teen thing is great i m not ready to grow up yet i m not ready to stop enjoying childish thing i m not ready to stop playing childish game there are part of being an adult i m excited for of course but i hate that i have to stop being a kid i m not ready to move on from that part of my life sometimes i m scared that maybe i didn t enjoy being a kid enough since i moved to a new country i dont have many friend here i never got up to typical highschool shenanigan with anyone but i see my close friend back in america getting to live a very normal highschool life and i feel like i ve missed everything being the oldest of my sibling sometimes a third parent i feel like i didn t get to be a kid all the time and that s more time wasted growing up you re constantly told enjoy being young while it last you re gon na regret wishing you were older never grow up and that s all actually really terrifying to say to a kid haha i guess to conclude i m afraid i haven t enjoyed being a kid enough and now i m not ready to be an adult,1
hey friend i come asking question about workplace anxiety i m 9 and work retail i realize that this is a job with low stake and that whatever fear i have about making mistake are rather silly given the nature of the job however i ve worked myself up because i worked an event this evening and in my eye it wa just a series of unfortunate event first i show up early but still later than my coworker who i wa working with for the event he wa talking to our bos second i wa underdressed he looked so sharp granted i am 9 and he is almost a full decade older than me with the life experience to really comprehend dress code it wa rather unspecified and unclear so i m trying not to beat myself up too much about it i ran home super quickly and grabbed some nicer shoe and a jacket but it still wasn t great third my bos gave u her number to text or to call if we needed any help i texted her first and then she asked if i would call her because she wa on the road make sense but i feel i made a mistake texting her in the first place fourth fifth sixth and so on i worry that throughout the entire evening i wad screwing up and ended up losing the store a ton of money i m so upset about everything that happened and being liked by my bos that i wa cry and now i can t sleep please oh please i beg of y all how do i get over this it s making my day really difficult and i don t want this to follow me into the future when if i have a job much more demanding and serious if i mess up it s eating me up and i can t take it thanks,1
weird phrasing for clarity post not being taken down seriously how do i cope there s a lot of trigger caused by individual everywhere including medium and online by the misinformation they spread it s gaslighting to constantly see and hear fake information that contradicts my experience a a survivor how do i cope with this i know if anything fall through i will receive false promise of aid to waste my time i know i will be told i m seeking attention i know i will be told that i m the abuser how do i cope with this a a survivor i will be posting this wherever i can because i guess some subreddits do not help with this for some reason,1
for the last year or so i have suffered with extreme tiredness an shortness of breath i ve been to hospital and had every test going and found nothing it also doe not affect my cardio i go to the gym regularly if anything this help it however when i am resting i literally feel like i m about to pas out i then try to breath more and hyperventilate i have control of this now and use an oximeter to reassure myself but it s incredibly tiring feeling like this drinking also help it not a good way to cope i know obviously i m taking all medical precaution but if anyone ha experienced similar it would be reassuring thankyou for taking your time to read this,1
i ve struggled with anxiety and depression since i wa a teenager i m now so it s been about 0 year of dealing with my silly little brain i first started taking zoloft back in maybe 0 maybe before then but i took the pill for several year last september i started noticing an increase of suicidal thought this can happen with ssri i believe i think the zoloft just stopped working for my brain and body so i stopped cold turkey i didn t have any major issue please don t comment the risk i know what they are and i m doing okay now for a few month i wa fine i could feel my feeling again feel my emotion and it wa kinda nice i felt almost free but after awhile i think all of the zoloft build up left my body sound weird but hear me out and i started feeling a bad a i did when i wa a teen health anxiety er trip panic attack daily so even though i do badly wanted to try to make it without medication i couldn t do it and that is okay for about month i ve been on lexapro and it s been helping the anxiety here s the revelation i had so i have only been on one other ssri in my life so i never realized this but holy fuck i finally understand what people mean when they say that medication almost completely numbs your emotion i can t remember the last time i cried and i usually cry a lot a an emotional person i feel very neutral i don t feel nothing but i don t feel the way i did unmedicated i think there will always be pro and con to medication but damn i finally after a decade understand what this medication doe it help but it also kinda turn you into an emotionless machine weird,1
it s 09 am rn and it doesn t surprise me because i am used to this i have trouble sleeping because i always think about shit that ha gone wrong in my life and that is a lot i want to socialize have friend be funny i used to be when i wa back home with my friend i am learning in the u now but i always feel mute like i want to speak but i can t because i have a stomach feeling that shit is gon na go wrong so i just fake laugh and smile and it get awkward really fast and it becomes added to one of the thing that keep me up at night i also do weird stuff like smile weirdly curse under my breath or shake my hand or smth weird like that to distract from sudden flash of memory i have throughout my day and when i tell u it happens every damn day every damn minute or two i am not distracting myself in oh myyyy i just live everyday not wanting to wakeup wanting to die if course people around me don t know that i am just weirdly quiet to them anyway thought do i have anxiety,1
i m year old i don t really want to get into it much so i ll just say that life is not good and hasn t really ever been that good and lately it feel like i ve finally been pushed over the edge a bit i look like i ve aged year in and my nerve are going crazy i feel so stressed out that i can feel my face getting hot and my hand shake whenever something raise my stress above the baseline even a little i never feel like i can relax anymore and i have a hard time talking to people this doesn t feel sudden it feel more like something that s been gradually getting worse for year but i used to be very composed and social i want to get help for this but i m honestly clueless i don t even know if i have anxiety or if it s something else i don t have a family doctor either i m just not sure what to expect i m open to medicine if it work how did everyone here begin to get help and what wa it that helped you,1
before taking sertraline i had many problem for instance i wa not even able to talk on the phone in front of my mom and my brother it wa very tough to make a phone call because my heart would start beating very fast also if i saw someone i did not like my heart would beat out of my mouth at the supermarket while paying at the counter my heart would beat fast and i wa thinking everybody is staring at me and judging me but for four month i take sertraline and most of my problem are solved i feel like i am moving in the right direction i even cracked interview for my internship and finally got one before sertraline even thinking about an interview would trigger a load of anxiety now overall my anxiety ha reduced from 0 to or which is a significant improvement but one thing which is still bothering me is the feeling that everybody is staring at me when i eat at a restaurant for instance i feel like the person sitting at the front table is staring at me when i eat currently i am on a dose of mg sertraline to those who are on sertraline did you ever lose this feeling of other people judging you or are looking at you if yes which dose are you at i appreciate your help,1
it s something i feel multiple time a day i get even more anxious when i don t get reply or when someone leaf and drive some place else i always have to check my parent cctv camera they gave me access to it i can t help but think something bad might happen i ve been like this since i wa a child my first memory of this fear wa when i wa around or year old and my grandparent drove to a place i considered far i wa so worried i had to ask my mom if they ll be safe do you experience the same thing how s it like for you how did you get over it if you ever did,1
okay i am on the line of alcoholism and it s tickling my nerve a bunch knowing that i crave a drink and i feel the need to turn to alcohol to make myself seem whole here s my little run down im battling with depression a little suicidal anxiety and we a little lonely that s why im on reddit im sick of feeling like shit everyday all the insane irrational thought that go through my head once im on a certain bothering thought i get stuck on it for a while till i cave to drink so my idea to combat it is to start organizing my life more financially at home my priority my hobby all in all im aware that the whole you have to learn to love yourself theme is a big thing for people like me but at the moment i am just thinking of distracting myself with work school hobby people what if it s not enough my thought may start traveling again when i am doing those thing how do i combat those thought it s like i go in circle with question to an answer then question after answer it s mentally exhausting and it physically hurt at time i want to learn how to fight internal how doe one do that,1
can someone please help me i ve been having anxiety for the past few week but now i have been waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing is their anyway to stop this please i need help,1
im fucking tired of my anxiety it been with me for year and im tired of it i have to struggle with it every day now i know everything about anxiety i know that it pass and everything will be okay but man every fuckin day i suffer from it i never had this symptom till recently last month my anxiety is starting to get worse again sometimes when i look at people eye i get bad anxiety im not antisocial im not scared to talk to people but why i get anxiety randomly when i look at people eye,1
since last night my stomach wa bloated and when i went to sleep my stomach felt queasy and i wa nauseous today my stomach still doesn t feel good and am still nauseous and it s hard to eat food not sure what this is is it a stomach flu anxiety,1
i quit my job recently and need to get a new one because i m running out of saving i live in a foreign country so there aren t many option i ve been to some interview but i ended up not taking the job because i wa too anxious i looked for part time work but almost all of the job were shady in some way like not deducting tax etc and although most people don t care about it im too scared to break any rule so i couldn t take the easy part time job i m so tired of my anxiety stopping me from working,1
hi i have been having anxiety for a while now and it crippling my life i have tried yoga meditation supplement walking cbd and still nothing ha helped i am wondering if i should try a medicine but i am afraid it going to take me further away from myself and change my personality and i wont ever feel like myself again can anyone share their experience thank you so much,1
i suffer from symptom such a chest tightness and shortness of breath a well a acid reflux which i have been told is all from anxiety i started noticing a vibrating feeling in my chest and back sometimes when i breathe while lying down is this something serious i don t smoke or do any drug btw 0yr old male,1
there are a million thing to stress about right now and a million and one if you count my study i need to be good enough at art to get into college by january next year i m pretty confident i ll get in if i keep going but i can t focus at all and instead think of everything going on in my life i can t afford therapy or counselling meditation doe nothing medication doesn t work with this mindfulness break music podcasts and the like are already being exercised thank you in advance,1
i work a a consultant i m good at what i do and have been working at a great company for a while now i ve worked on numerous project with multiple client and have worked at the client side a couple of time a most consultant usually do every time i come back to the company office or go to a new client s side i get showered with overwhelming anxiety and stress i stress for week leading up to it but once i get there i m the life of the place but only for about an hour or two after which i genuinely feel depressed social battery it s the change of people and scenery too many new and old face too many thought they could be thinking of me or not thinking of me this happens every time without fail until i get used to a place which by that point i would have to move to another place client office how do you cope with such feeling do you ever get them do you have any technique or tip that might help thank you,1
i don t know if this is the right place to write this but before quarantine 0 9 i just thought i wa an introvert and just a very organized and methodic person but then on quarantine i started to realize that i seem to get a lot more anxious than most people and always keep thinking about stuff that happened a second ago always think about what someone s thinking about me if i did or said something wrong always think about everything that can go wrong everywhere i go memorizing the menu a week before etc and i thought the problem for a big part of the anxiety wa online class and being stuck at home with my parent they re nice tho so when i finally got to go do an exchange semester abroad i get to be outside all the time i meet new people gt the freaking anxiety is still here and that make me think that nothing is gon na make it go away but i need it to go away cause i feel like i am an introvert but i make one wrong move i just go from quiet introvert to weird and lose all the people i met i mean met that s really the right word because i just can t seem to do the right thing i don t know some of my roommate that got here the same week a me go out every night with friend and i m just stuck at the same awkward convo phase and it s not like that i scared to talk to people or i don t like talking to people i do it s just when i come back home i start to rethink every single word that i said and blame myself for the smalled little mistake i m just really lost sometimes i think what i do how i think is normal but then it doesn t i didn t even know what anxiety wa until a year or so ago so,1
so i recently started my first customer service job and wa doing well until it came to order taking i wa making order before at the register inside i m not great but okay but the register at the drive through i seem to have worse anxiety while talking with people i don t know and can t see for some reason and on top of that everything that happens at the drive through is broadcasted to anyone wearing a headset and on top of that my medication wa screwing me up any time i missed even one dose i wa waning off but having trouble with the final drop off and i wa on the verge of a breakdown all day and the drive through wa what pushed it too far and i had to leave early to get my medication my medication still aren t stable and i m having a very anxious episode that s been happening since i started getting off the medication far worse than it wa before how have you managed to cope with this anxiety and perform necessary work interaction with stranger repeatedly,1
just weird and pretty sure i m sane lol,1
im and ive had plantar wart for almost year and im worried that in my carelessness i might spread them to my dick in the shower i know that almost all of the strain that cause plantars are not one that infect the genitals but type is one that both disease share doom acrolling or something but im freaking out a bit reading about the treatment for those wart and how they can fuck up my dick reading about the risk if i dont take the treatment getting more depressed and angry at myself for not treating this issue sooner,1
first i god a really bad case of covid and couldn t move or anything that lasted for 0 day then i got a surprise birthday party thrown at me by my best friend and family when i got home my best friend cheene my cat wa laying there gasping for air and dy a soon a he wa put on the table for the vet to examine him he wa my best friend so a few day go by and i got a heart attack and an infection in the heart and the bag that surround the heart now i got heart i am year old i newer though my anxiety could get any higher just venting currently lying in the hospital bed,1
my adhd make it impossible to stop thinking about what s giving me anxiety i try to breath focus my mind off thing but instantly it come right back cause i can t control my mind most of the time i m not even thinking about anything that is anxiety inducing but in the back of my mind something is happening that won t let it stop anyone have experience with anxiety and adhd,1
ha someone ever found their anxiety and depression to be directly related to some vitamin deficiency i wa thinking about what i could actually fix from my side without having to go see a psychologist etc and i realized that i m missing iron folic acid magnesium d and b it s been year but i can not take some of them because they severely hurt my stomach i wa think about having injection done by a naturopathic doctor ha anyone ever tried it if yes did it help,1
should i ask my parent for a therapy session i m scared to ask my parent for therapy and i come seeking opinion on what i should do i m y o and these feeling have been killing me i m sure change in hormone have a part in this but i have been dealing with feeling of poor self worth since i wa i begin slightly shaking clinging and breathing heavily with excessive worry and fear almost daily now but i m worried my parent will say average teenage feeling and leave it at that i also don t want to waste money on something that might be just a phase and so i m asking for thought on this matter now for a little backstory my writing may be a little messy so i apologize in advance thinking back i ve had symptom of anxiety for a while now i wa yelled at a lot a a child for very trivial matter and still to this day ill get hour long lecture for thing that arent that big of a deal after a specific scolding when i wa around i believe that kickstarted thing i started playing what i saw and heard in my mind over and over again until i got night terror for some reason i can still recall this moment and it still scare me i became afraid of a certain speed like m p h a strange thing to be afraid of i know don t know if this is just some sort of trauma type thing or what but it wa always weird to me i start sweating and shaking whenever i think about anything with that specific speed and i don t know what that mean anyways fast forward to early 0 9 and my grandma passed away she wa the only one i truly felt attached to and trusted i have trust issue don t know why so her passing hit me hard a year later when covid started my dad cheated with my best friend s mom ending in a lot of self confidence issue and when my trust issue began showing my parent are still together they just argued and eventually got it worked out since i don t want everything to go downhill again i just bottled up everything and hid what i felt now to the present day this is why i find it so difficult to ask for a therapist i m afraid that my parent will just brush it off or be disappointed and think they did something wrong this hopefully doesn t give the wrong idea about my parent i believe they tried their best and to be honest didn t do a horrible job there were still good time i remember and they ve done a lot for me unfortunately i can t truly say i love you back without my parent telling me and that hurt i know people have it much worse than me and that s another reason that s holding me back from asking either way i m still heavily considering therapy and why i m asking you is it just a phase will i benefit from a professional am i being petty and should just deal with it i m not looking for a diagnosis but would love some thought on the matter and will try my best to answer any question if any thanks p s i hope this wasn t too long i tried to cram a much information a possible without it being accessive apology for any grammar mistake,1
hi i m haven t had many female friend growing up now that i m in university and i m a part of a couple different club society we occasionally all go out and eat together i ve quickly realised that i ve been very anxious when eating food on a table with other woman there particularly the one i m meeting for the first time or the one i want to leave an impression on i have a bit of a short beard and one of my fear is that food will drip down and get stuck in my beard and those woman will notice it before i can clean it or it might just get stuck and they ll silently judge me for it and not tell me it s there i ve become great at conversation overtime from previously being very introverted and shy but asap food is served and everyone start eating i switch from being that casual fun guy to a scared and shy introvert who keep wiping his face after every bite of food he gulp down p s interestingly my fear isin t there when i m with guy or if i m with woman i m already close to would love to hear you guy opinion on how to tackle it and if you guy have faced any similar fear xx,1
they can get so unbelievably scary i do everything i can to avoid it happening because people give me 0 sympathy about it sometimes i start shaking breathing heavily heart thumping hard and a raging headache people have made fun of me for when i shake i genuinely believe i will have a heart attack or honestly it s going to be in public where no one ha sympathy for me and they will be moreso threatened of me and they will take me out i just know it s coming,1
i m on sertraline for anxiety while it ha lowered it it ha increased background anxiety even when i m going nothing it suck and it ha caused me to have a floppy noodle male when having sex which suck even more for me and her,1
there s this guy that i like and i know he like me i ve never had a boyfriend before and i ve never had my first kiss so sex is a big step for me however he had a girlfriend of five year they were high school sweetheart they broke up two year ago because she left him for another girl she s pansexual he knew that she wa pansexual but still she left him they probably had lot of sex if they didn t have sex i d be extremely surprised i just feel so insecure that i m such a novice i m not going to be good at it and i feel bad that he is going to have to teach me so much stuff,1
i really just need advice right now it s current am where i live and i ve yet to sleep i suffer from emetophobia the fear of throwing up if anyone need context my anxiety usually at night come forth it always wake me up but i wake up with panic attack because i feel nauseous similarly like tonight i m losing sleep because i feel nauseous despite me being so exhausted i m scared to sleep my stomach doesn t roll if i try to drink or eat something it doesn t go away i m on med too i just want some advice i m tired of losing sleep and worrying people because of physical anxiety and a phobia for more context i could eat a spoonful of something and it didn t make my stomach roll at all it sat fine there yet i feel nauseous and have slight pain right now it feel a if i m hungry but my anxiety is making me avoid that i don t know what to do i m very afraid right now,1
some day i just have tiny panic attack for no reason is that common also i have very high social anxiety so it s very frickin hard to make friend and trust when your constantly thinking oh there talking about me when there not or when i want to really to them but i can t because there s like this thing holding me back and i get stressed just for being by people i have no friend and to top it all off i suffer from depression and suicidal thought,1
recently i started dealing with a lot of stress which ha turned into me feeling panicked off and on throughout the day during my time of feeling panic i get this trouble with my breathing which feel incredibly terrible it is scary when it happens because it feel like i m breathless and like my breathing pattern mess up i wa wondering ha this happened to anyone else if so is it okay if i could ask a few question about it i d love to have some insight or more information on this situation,1
i m m and i have been single my whole life because my anxiety around girl a a young kid up till now i have always had this anxiety towards girl i like and this fear ha stopped me from pursuing girl also i get anxious in crowd or party which i try to avoid at all cost when i go any place where there are a lot of girl like the gym i get really anxious if cute girl are around me i always hope none of them talk to me because i will get anxious and it may show it always feel like i m battling myself to look normal and not anxious to minimize my anxiety i avoid eye contact with any girl i would say i m a handsome guy and i have been told that all my life by several people i m also confident in myself for the most part i think but despite that i still have this anxiety towards girl and the thing is i know the way to cure this is to start talking to girl but the fear is too much for me it ha got to the point were i m starting to accept that i may be single for the rest of my life another thing is my parent always ask me if i m gay they always say how am i handsome and don t get girl i always tell them it because i have anxiety but they still don t understand this just needed to vent thanks for reading,1
so ive been masturbating for a few year and i started saving video photo to my phone so it easier to get to i always keep them in the hidden section of my phone last night i forgot to hide them and i woke up and found them in the recently deleted section and other app i think she went through the latest notification wa hour before i woke up so i wa certain my phone wa turned on the photo themselves were just photo and video of girl i thought were really attractive they were over and would use to get off to now since they are in the recently deleted tab notification were only hour old and i had notification from before hour ago but before i went to sleep i had apps open which i never use and my phone wasnt in the spot i last had it so the title say i think because im just hoping it wa me in my sleep and i wa really tired since some photo were perfectly fine and she hasnt said anything about it yet so incase she actually saw the photo video can someone give me some advice on thing like what to say do when or if she brings it up,1
i ve been on this for week and still barely have an appetite i even got nauseous going to the grocery store today is this normal ha anyone else experienced this it s been great for my mood and communication but it mess with my diet i don t even want to consume food really keep in mind though i did used to emotionally eat,1
so i ve tried almost every ssri med except a few every single one i ve been on seems to give me horrible intrusive or suicidal thought i don t actually want to hurt myself but these thought are scaring me ha anyone else had this experience with ssri med,1
sorry that it s kind of long and simple but i just felt the need to write something i don t know if it s because i m young or because i seem to have fun but no one belief me nobody listens when i say amp x 00b i can survive but can t seem to thrive i m barely even alive my every thought is fear and every day make it more clear that i m struggling to keep up no matter what i do it s never enough amp x 00b i ve tried speaking ignored i ve tried staying silent anxiety ha scored amp x 00b 0 i plan a ton i don t stop until everything s done but in the long run it matter none it s just yet another thing i do to try and stop the thought 0 amp x 00b so each day i plea to this anxiety that i don t get these type of thought the one strong enough to bring me to my knee and it never work 0 amp x 00b i try to open the door but it s like starting a war how i wish i could go back to before back to when i wa happy for sure 0 amp x 00b the replaying of every embarrassing moment that make me want to die inside even the smallest thing can send my brain into overdrive 0 amp x 00b feel free to contribute or give constructive criticism please i d love to see how we can all be struggling with the same thing and yet it affect u all in different way,1
i have anxious attachment style and i have autism a well i m and i ve never had a relationship last more than month at this point i feel no one gon na understand or love me and i ll be alone forever do girl not like guy that are clingy and sensitive do i have to change,1
i ve been on medication prescribed by my primary care doctor my therapist noticed my depression anxiety remaining pretty high and told me to talk to my doctor about it my doctor increased my dosage but also want me to see a psychiatrist who can better analyze my issue he didn t give me a referral and said i can see anyone you want preferably someone that take my insurance he did give a list of a few psychiatrist though i have been looking through my insurance s website for a psychiatrist i have also just been searching online but i don t know which one to select what criterion should i look out for are online review reliable any advice would be appreciated,1
i m and i have bad anxiety debilitating i haven t been able to keep a job since i wa so pretty much ever i wake up early morning hour before i have to be my heart race i black out i puke cough my body shake i have so much fear of being in danger when i leave my house i have the feeling of when will i ever be back i fear that wherever i m working isn t safe i ll be shot i have no issue seeing friend for the most part i do like driving myself so if i need to leave i can i m not relying on anyone feeling like this ha made me loose my job due to me calling out i ruined every job i ve ever had because i call out too much i call out because i m throwing up so much that my body won t move i pee myself i push through the hard morning snd i puke on myself in my car on the way or while i m working and with covid i wa sent home a lot mix that with my call out and i m fired i understand i hate that i m like this i want to be where i work especially now i have my dream job i ve called out time and i just started i feel guilty all day and everyday until i work day and get passed it then it happens again i ve been diagnosed with gad and ptsd but my doctor don t believe in giving me anything most patient would get for these thing i see they are looking out but i m now no car to myself no saving can t have a healthy romantic relationship can t keep a job and most important making me not like myself whatsoever i m letting myself and others down i feel so toxic to my family and friend they say i burn them out with my anxiety snd bad habit im exhausted too please any advice please i just need someone out there to maybe say they know and understand and that they got through this peace love,1
i am finally going to make an appointment monday to talk to a doctor about my anxiety but i already have so much anxiety about even calling to make the appointment i m tired of feeling like not only my mind but my entire body is on edge just waiting for something to happen yet i know my blood pressure will be high and my pulse will skyrocket when i talk to the nurse doctor and i m dreading it any tip on helping anxiety about talking to a doctor about medicine for anxiety i also don t want them to think that i m just wanting drug or am being dramatic i have tried to manage it myself for the past few month but i feel no better,1
it s so hard for me to say no to people or refuse when they ask me to do something because i m scared they ll dislike me or stop being my friend i feel like such a pushover,1
feeling so shitty about myself everyone my age ha already got their life together while me i still dont have shit no driving license not a part of any community no friend i can count on nothing i m completely alone in my own world i ve been wasting too much time throughout my whole life concerning too much about my academic yet still dumb and incapable of anything me and my stupid anxiety will get me nowhere in life i cant even make friend i got this feeling that nobody want to be my friend why would they i cant even talk to anyone without being anxious cant tell anyone about myself because i believe nobody care and i will just waste their time there no future in me im shitty and totally worthless,1
i happened to notice his sudden halt of breathing and checked he s had serious medical problem since birth i ve had a worse sleep schedule than him anxiety so i keep getting a voice in my head telling me he s stop breathing or dying right now so i constantly go check him and it s stressful when i m very anxious and it s another layer of stress,1
so i been dealing with non stop generalized anxiety since december 0 9 i have had anxiety in the past but it would only last maybe max month and then i would revert to my old self now i am totally fucked and going on for year of constant anxiety i am constantly dizzy i constantly ob over my health last year i convinced myself i had a brain tumor and i had to beg the doctor for an mri and after an entire year of begging he finally gave it to me and it wa a unnecessary a everyone told me i constant detach disassociate and the only thing that help me chill the fuck out is closing my eye and being in my room sometimes i m on antidepressant like everyone else but i feel lichi le they re just doing half the work it s obvious that the other half of unfucking my brain ha to be done be me anyways i hope everyone is doing well,1
how do i get past this i don t have panic attack i m diagnosed with bpd and never considered anxiety to be it own issue just a component of my bpd but i think my anxiety independent of bpd need it own attention i m scared to seek help i m scared a therapist who specializes in anxiety will stigmatize me for having bpd and tell me that s just your bpd i m anxious my bos won t give me time off work for therapy i m anxious i ll need anxiety med and it ll impair my function,1
i smoked for the first time in month and now i m freaking out and idk what to do edit i m all good now blocked out the stress for a little bit now getting food with the boy,1
so because of my anxiety i have this big fear of being alone i m afraid that i will lose my mind and hurt myself or something i constantly surround myself with people and when my partner leaf town i have family stay with me i feel like this is kind of becoming a problem because i m never facing my anxiety alone so when i m alone driving or doing anything else alone i panic,1
this is nothing new for me and it doesn t really have a chance to come out now because i ve been out of school for about four year and i don t really go out in public much at all but from elementary school to high school i think it even happened when i wa attempting college too when walking down stair my leg would get so stiff that it wa impossible to walk down the stair properly and i wa always scared that everyone could see how my leg were bugging out like that and it made me even more anxious even if no one wa in the stairwell with me or even just one other person it would happen one time i got a friend he wa and i m to carry me down the stair because my leg were just not having it also all my life i have day where i felt like i wa just floaty and floating outside of my body i also felt like whenever i felt this way something bad would happen to me or someone else this feeling last all day and maybe even until the next day i don t know what this is i know other people have this too so could you tell me what it is also also several time a day i ll get really nervous and my heart will feel like it jumped and i ll have a scared feeling for a few second today i even had a weird small pain in my stomach that went a long with it but went away some second after my heart jumped and the scared feeling went away the tummy pain ha never happened before also also also i sometimes wake up feeling really nervous and scared even though nothing ha happened sorry for this really long post i tried to space it out so it would be a le intimidating big wall of text,1
hi there i am someone who suffers from health anxiety in the past month it started the day after two terrible thing happened to me my dog who i wa very close with passed away and i found out that i tested positive for covid so quite the shellshock to say the least the night after that i had a panic attack which really scared me since i had never previously had one that night i wa in the hospital for a few hour and aside from the fact i had covid the doctor told me i wa completely fine after that night i would go on to get a blood test and visit the doctor multiple time needle to say that everything came back fine nothing bad wa found in my blood and despite having multiple odd feeling the doctor said i wa fine and basically confirmed i wa suffering from a form of health anxiety meaning i would feel like something is wrong with me but in reality i wa just fine around the fourth visit he recommended i see a counselor and suggested getting a neurologist exam to remove all fear i have been seeing a counselor for a few week now and the earliest neurologist meeting is in may a for my physical symptom i currently have a pin and needle feeling in the back of my head and my neck ha been feeling a bit stiff over the course of the last month i ve had other feeling such a pin in my left hand rough skin emphasized feeling in all sort of part in my body and other feeling i probably forgot about i m posting here because it seems like a welcoming community and i want to share my experience with others who have suffered similarly and hopefully get some reassurance for my self from others i just need an outlet to cope to because i hate constantly bother others i live with for reassurance either way thank you for reading and for those out there that are suffering just know that you re not alone and you will all live long happy healthy and successful life and your pain will soon pas god bless you all p for those wondering yes i got over covid,1
not sure if this is the right sub to post but wasn t sure where to go really i wouldn t say that i feel anxious but i m what people call a worry wart if there s something i can worry about even if it s maybe very small i will still worry about it i m worried about multiple thing currently my dog leg that s hurting a pain i have in my lower jaw finding a new job etc i will have thought about these sort of thing and on the surface they don t seem like much but then i start to think about them more and more and i start to worry even more until i start getting scared of panicking sometimes like i have had this pain in my jaw for a few day now i m assuming it s because i haven t worn my retainer for the full time i m supposed to the past few night my mind think that but i also start worrying it might be another cavity and i ll have to go to the dentist which is the worst thing for me but then i think hang on i ve gone to them for similar stuff like this before and it wasn t a cavity but what if it is this time you see the problem i m having even though i ll try and think about it logically my brain always make up some sort of way to worry about stuff that might not even need that much thought this is half a rant and half me looking for advice i worry so much in my life and i hate it i know i won t stop worrying but can anyone give me some advice to maybe worry le,1
so ive came to the conclusion that i actually have anxiety and imsonia have all the sympthons for anxiety and i cant sleep for shit im can be dead tired and i go lay down and 0 min later im still up ive spent plenty of night up for hour trying to sleep ive had a few night where im asleep but i feel half awake ill be sleep but i feel like im still awake ive been avoiding seeing a doctor because my family is pretty judgemental but i really feel like i need sometype of help it getting in the way of my life i cant sleep the lack of sleep ha me weak it making my work life hell because im fatigue then my anxiety always me over thinking and feelomg weird in when im in social setting,1
i wish there wa a reddit thing for friendship breakup but since november 0 i ve been repeatedly crushed by a now ex best friend who i never wanted to let go of it s my fatal flaw forgiving ppl who don t deserve it i always get bitten in the as and never learn from it the manipulative people in my life have torn my down over and over and bc i m literally a fucking doormat i don t want to explain everything with this specific friend but part of what keep hurting me is that i see picture and am reminded of good memory we ve had and all of a sudden i miss them or i ll see picture from when i wa happy and i m brought to tear over the fact that i m convinced it s all my fault i wish i could delete my social medium and throw my phone into another galaxy but sometimes thing like snapchat and tik tok make me happy so then i don t do that why am i like this why do people walk away from me so easily why do i let those people in just for them to walk out again,1
idk if it wa selective mutism or not i never got a diagnosis wasn t even suggested to get tested for it partially bc i don t think people understood how serious and debilitating it wa but i used to have severe anxiety around certain people mainly teacher or subject talking about myself or asking for help were big one for me to the point where i literally couldn t speak like people don t really seem to get it when i say this because it s one thing being shy or nervous to speak for me i know how that feel like if i m just nervous i just feel very uncomfortable this wasn t that when talking about certain subject or talking to certain people i would have this very uncomfortable and sometimes very painful physical symptom where i don t know how else to describe it other than it felt like someone wa stepping on my throat like my throat wa closed shut tight i found it hard to breathe not in a hyperventilating kind of way more like in a i m choking right now please help me way i would start hyperventilating if i wa forced to speak for whatever reason trying to force myself to speak would make me lose air lightheaded and i would start breathing hard trying to take in more air since i wa literally choking on nothing basically or worse i d quickly break into an anxiety attack and start cry if i kept trying to force the problem even harder to breathe i felt faint close to passing out so many time then it wa not even funny i m not looking for a diagnosis i wa just wondering if anyone can relate idk,1
sometimes when i start to fall asleep it s like i get trapped in my dream and can not wake up the dream are usually a very uncomfortable or weird situation sometimes even terrifying i normally feel dizzy and disoriented in the dream once im finally able to wake up im out of breath and panicking im not sure what to make of these event but it mess with my sleep when it occurs i can t fall asleep for a while until i calm my brain down,1
i m worrying about having schizophrenia psychosis every day it s gotten to the point where i can t do normal stuff without thinking about my sanity whenever i talk to someone i always over analyze conversation i feel like people don t like me or make fun of me and it make me question my sanity too i do overthink my own behavior a well i always feel like i m behaving like a crazy person and people just don t want to tell me im crazy which make me think im delusional and the cycle go on with almost everything hell i even feel like a crazy person writing this post i d been to psychiatrist before and he told me i have ocd and anxiety but i just can t believe it i don t feel like a normal person and i m tired of this am i really going crazy if not then what the hell am i supposed to do to stop this if u find my text confusing then sorry english is my second language and i m still learning,1
i ve been eating the same food every meal for month now bc everything else make me want to throw up and cry this is pretty normal for me so i never thought to bring it up with my psychiatrist and recently i ve been able to eat other food a well but when i sat at the table this morning i found everything repulsive even my go to food this usually only happens when my anxiety is really bad but i feel pretty ok rn so i don t know why i can t eat is this common with anxiety disorder,1
tw somewhat mention of blood and scarring idk if this is linked to anxiety or whatnot but i constantly find myself picking at my lip and finger especially when i get really anxious i hate how it s left my lip scarred and bloody but i just can t seem to stop i ve tried putting chapstick on to prevent peeling so i wouldn t pick but it never lasted more than a couple week also my finger look pretty bad when i wa younger i would rip the white part of my fingernail off but now i just rip the surrounding skin until they bleed and scab i mean everytime i feel anxious and nervous i keep my hand together and in front of me which eventually lead to me picking at my finger i already have pretty bad social anxiety so the thought of people being able to see my awful hand and lip make me feel worse man something is really wrong with me tbh,1
like i can t even focus on anything my mind is always racing overthinking and obsessing this is especially annoying right now because i have my final exam coming up real soon and i need to work but i can t concentrate i hate the way i act around people i am so awkward i don t even speak just awkwardly nod whenever someone talk to me and whenever i do talk some dumb shit come out of my mouth it seems like i have started to isolate myself more and more from people and i am always moody people have started to catch on saying that i always look sad tired among other not very nice thing whenever someone asks me if i am okay i just lie and say yes nod my head awkwardly or make up some excuse i wish i could tell someone about my problem in depth but really i don t know what i would say and honestly no one would actually care and i don t blame them everyone ha their own shit going on and i don t want to bother anyone with my problem my own mother ha started to catch on to my moodiness and she ha started to yell at me and everything cause of the way i am acting i don t even think i am doing anything wrong i m just not talking and i want to be left alone i wish i could tell her but again i don t know what i would say i don t know how she would take it and i don t want to stress her out anxiety really suck i hate using these thing a an excuse cause i just want to get on with my life like everyone else,1
ok going to start with i had originally posted this on a different account but i don t really want this to be traced back to me from anyone i may potentially know who may stumble upon that other account there s way too much that i could say so i will just say a few thing i think i ve been suffering from anxiety for a long time and it s pretty crippling to my social interaction and the choice i make i miss out on a lot of stuff because of it and tend to have self destructive behavior when i make friend i have this problem where i feel like oversharing because someone is actually listening to me but due to some thing lately i ve started putting up more wall i joke around a lot and tease to distract from people actually knowing me because i think that people knowing me is really scary i ve been closing my circle and any time i speak to people i m just overwhelmingly anxious i fear that i ll say something that will make people start disliking me or finding me annoying i work at a customer service place and i get really anxious when customer start asking question i don t know the answer to or get even remotely frustrated with me i also get really anxious when a bigger group of customer come in and it just feel really embarrassing i have a really hard time with phone call too it really stress me out when i have to call someone or talk to like authority figure on the phone i wish i could be able to fix it and make it easier to leave my house or message people etc i just want to be able to exist without being afraid you know,1
i know for a fact i have an anxiety disorder i ve been diagnosed i ve been taking med for it for year now but a of recent thing feel like they re getting worse the more i find way to manage it the more it feel like my body throw a new curveball at me i also have been wondering about adhd which i display a lot of symptom of and have been looking into getting a diagnosis for that i have chronic pain and fatigue been dealing with it since i wa and i m 9 now so it s mostly manageable but i feel like since i conquered that and know how to avoid flare ups and treat them my body is coming up with new way to torment me now i ve found that whenever i get really stressed or anxious i itch and not just a normal run of the mill itch it s an insatiable deep crawling sensation that is impossible to ignore i get it the worst on my foot i scratch and scratch and scratch and it never get better and when it s really bad i m left with cut and scrape from scratching so much it s so emotionally and physically painful it hurt so badly because i know it s not real and that my brain is doing this to me but i still feel it and it won t go away i m literally having a breakdown right now because of it i m making this post because i just need to scream into the void and i want to know if anybody else deal with this if you do you re not alone i just don t know how to make it better i hate this feeling so much this all started btw because i couldn t figure out a chest harness for myself i don t know how to make it stop and it s driving me nut,1
about the fact that you need to put your sex life at risk temporarily or sometimes permanently r pssd in order to feel mentally stable i hope one day they can make an antidepressant for anxiety and depression that doe not cause sexual side effect it would be a true life saver for me it suck when you value both that you need to really outweigh the pro and con tldr buspar suck,1
i m talking to my psych on monday and i want to do some research into what might work for me i have frequent mild panic attack infrequent but still kind of like once a week once every week severe panic attack and constant anxiety i ve tried a bunch of anxiety med but haven t really found any that worked for me however i haven t tried any in year so there s a chance i ve grown a i wa about during most of my trial and it s been a good year since then so what are were your favorite thanks,1
my anxiety ha recently gotten so bad that it consumes me at time i m not able to stop shaking my blood pressure is suffering from it and thought of impending doom are constant it s hard for me to focus on anything i got back from the doctor for anxiety a couple day ago and my bp wa 0 90 i got my bp checked yesterday and a i did i started panicking and my bp shot up 0 something i had to calm myself down and luckily it went back down to around i have to go get it checked again today and i know i m gon na panic again i hate living like this i feel like i m suffering i need someone to help me through this who get it i need to know that it s just gon na be okay and that i still have a chance in life,1
your brain is lying to you you matter your best is good enough even on the bad day you are amazing you have so much to offer this world,1
i haven t really worked a stable job in a while and now i ve got two of them i ll be starting both this week and i just have the jitter i wa a different person year ago so i didn t get a nervous but now i m feeling overwhelmed because i for one i don t socialize with people ever and i havent been truly employed for such a long time the job aren t hard job but it s a real establishment and a bos and co worker and i m just nervous i don t want to mess up because i need these job if i want to move out i just want everything to go right,1
im going to university with this childhood friend of mine the thing is i don t know how to socialize any further than just a small talk that lead no where and i never know what to talk about even with them and they present me people that are nice but i just don t feel comfortable with them i try to talk to the people in my classroom in the different class but never go any further than that every time i talk to someone i feel like i m annoying them or that my mere pressense irritates them i don t know what to do to expand my social group to people i have common interest in both in hobby and in the career i m at,1
hey so i feel cringe posting this and will likely delete but sometimes just venting and writing thing out is rlly calming and therapeutic this is my first post here but i ve lurked for a few year now and always read other people s story when im feeling down and alone which help sometimes background before getting into this i have gad and major depressive disorder and have been on ssri since 0 my dad side of the family all tend to have the same issue just on a way le of a scale i am awful at articulating my thought and it s insanely frustrating just a head up before getting into the incoherent vent post i m just gon na be listing a bunch of different thing that have been bothering me i am soon to be i am absolutely petrified of turning 0 and i have 0 accomplishment in life i still live with my parent i work a shitty job paying hr i have 0 motivation or drive to want to pursue anything like a better job meeting new people getting into a relationship etc i sit in my dark dimly lit room all day and play game watch twitch stream all of my friend are moving on and having kid and getting their own place and embracing adulthood with open arm i seem to be the only one that is incapable of making this transition i want to be a kid again i want the simpler time i hate responsibility and expectation i m immature and dumb and don t want to grow up i have a shitty jealous easily angered petty personality that i wa also blessed enough to obtain from my dad side of the family i have never met someone with a personality a petty and insecure a mine ex so i have this friend that applied for a government job that would be really good for her and she d be making good money this is obviously a great thing and i m happy for her but i would be lying if i said i wasn t kinda hoping she got turned down we both currently work shitty job and suffer the same money work struggle i think i just don t want to be left behind and feel like i m alone in my struggle i feel so shitty that i m even thinking this way i also have an ego that i rlly shouldn t have considering im an ugly short bald year old that peaked in highschool idk if it s undiagnosed narcissism or what but i know something is wrong because of this i am most of the time an awful friend i ve gotten better over the year because i gained some self awareness before though i would burn a lot of bridge i wa getting into argument with irl friend and internet friend weekly man i used to be such a bully to my little brother growing up too and i cringe every time i think about it im incredibly grateful every day that i wa able to gain self awareness and a want to change i have anxiety attack and sink into deep hole of depression when faced with the realization i have to work a 9 0 hour work week cuckjob for another 0 year i used to watch twitch stream a an escape but now i can t even do that anymore without having an anxiety attack that i ll never get to live the easy luxurious life that they do wake up whenever they want go to work whenever they want do w e they want for hour and then log off and go do fuck all they can take off whenever they want without the worry of being fired all while making more in year than i will ever make in lifetime of busting my as i understand i m describing like the top of twitch streamer but still i have really awful self esteem and have had for a long a i could remember i used to hate getting picture taken a a kid and would constantly try to hide my face it became a running gag in my friend group that i would never take picture it wa to a point where i wa having anxiety attack just seeing picture of myself there are time when i start to feel better about my appearance but then ill see a picture of myself and immediately get reminded that i m fuckin nosferatu i genuinely think i m incredibly below average and if it wasn t for the fact that i am addicted to working out i might just be the most undesirable man on the planet i would put myself in bottom 0th percentile in look i do think i have some degree of body dysmorphia and it s especially bad right now because im in a panic y state so i am probably overreacting a little about my appearance i ve always had some social anxiety growing up but it wa maintainable and didn t rlly stop me from doing most thing i wanted to do but there wa an incident in 0 that just made it skyrocket and it ha been progressively getting worse since quite frankly i think i am just doomed to suffer i genuinely do not see a happy ending future for me i am a walking abomination of every negative character trait imaginable that doesn t deserve to have good friend i don t even want to have kid because idk for certain if i just won t day get tired of it all and shoot my shot if u will i wouldn t want to have kid growing up without their dad i also don t want to potentially pas down to them the shitty mental health gene that i have and have them go through everything i have mentally bc it suck and i would want a better life for them honestly there s so much more fucking shit that i could complain about regarding myself but this is already long enough don t feel obligated to respond to this i ve already started to feel a little better just from typing it this is the th night in a row i ll be up till am bc anxiety attack keeping me from falling asleep oh yeah and reminder that this is all while still taking ssri s i do not want to imagine what my mental state would be without them tl dr money work growing up age look self esteem personality social anxiety it s all freakin shit and make me depressed and anxious,1
went in for problem i won t disclose had blood drawn and they had it sent in my symptom just keep getting worse and it s making me fear getting the dreaded cancer call back i m making it worse for myself by googling symptom after symptom illness after illness treatment after treatment and it s filling me with more dread i can t stop shaking i can t sleep i don t know what to do this is the worst attack i ve had in a long time and all i want is to go back day to before my symptom appeared so i can feel normal again and not have to fear the worst i don t know what else to say i m just so scared of what might be and i m just psyching myself out and making it worse i wouldn t be surprised if my symptom are getting worse because of the anxiety i want my doctor to see me on the weekend and i want to be comforted i don t want to die i don t want to go through treatment i m afraid of medication i m just so fucking scared right now and i just want it all to calm down i m afraid to call people i m afraid to wake up family but i don t know where to go or what to do,1
hi everyone in the past few year that i have been living alone a a student i noticed myself falling into period of time where i would not leave the house alone it s not a if i don t enjoy going outside i live in vancouver and there are some truly beautiful day here where the sunlight make this city breathtaking my issue isn t a fear of going outside it s more of a fear of the people i ll encounter and how they may judge me i ve always struggled with depression and low self esteem i ve always felt nervous about other people looking at me i avoid leaving the house alone unless it s necessary and when i do it s usually at night i ve even had point in the past where i ve drunk alcohol to make myself feel le nervous about leaving the apartment for grocery i usually don t make eye contact when i m alone outside and keep my eye focused ahead or on the ground why do other people scare me so much when i m on my own i can leave if i m with friend but on my own i always get nervous and procrastinate until nighttime when fewer people are out i think i just feel safer inside because other people aren t there to see me or place judgment i m fortunate enough that my current bos allows me to work from home so unless i need to leave the house i usually won t i even try to get most of my grocery via amazon so i can minimize the chance of going outside i feel like i want to hide in here and not think about anything i don t even want to look at myself i wa wondering if there are other people who feel this way too is there a name for what i m experiencing am i just lazy i just want to know how to feel better,1
title i am currently looking at getting onto med for my anxiety and am exploring option for telehealth my goal is to get on them a soon a possible along with going to a therapist to engage in cbt doe anyone here have suggestion for solid telehealth platform ideally i would not have to wait that long to see a doctor so that i can receive med in a timely manner and i do not have to pay an arm and a leg for the appointment with that being said i am ok with spending a little extra if it mean that i am able to get into an appointment quicker i have been looking at cerebral hims and other various telehealth service which i can not remember at this moment doe anyone have suggestion on one that can provide timely service i am ok with paying money for a monthly appointment if it mean that i can get med but ideally i would get on med a soon a possible and then go to an irl mental health counselor and get med from them thanks,1
last year i had a mental breakdown in my very first apartment i got way too overwhelmed and i panicked the anxiety episode lasted month and i couldnt function well today i made it through the night my first day back no anxiety or anything,1
i suddenly feel uneasy and uncomfortable at my relative house i feel like my heart is gon na explode and wan na puke i m close with my relative but i don t know why i m feeling this way it rarely happens there s this one time i m feeling uneasy and uncomfortable then i just started shaking for no reason while i m talking to my relative,1
every time i talk to somebody outside of my house and can relate to somebody or have thing in common with people i just want to curl up and cry almost every time i meet somebody irl i freak out and say i never want to see them again and if i don t do that i act distant the next time i see them i only have online friend and having friend making friend irl is scary i m and a half and everyone say thing like your going to be getting a job soon but if i cant even make friend how am i suppose to get a job,1
hi everyone so i went to go see the batman at the movie today with my parent and i know this is probably really common but i feel so overstimulated at the movie thing are too loud and the room get too dark i can t see anything and it freak me out i get sensory issue when this happens man i wanted to see the batman really bad and it upset me because i can t enjoy it a much tried to do deep breathing muscle relaxation the sensory overload is just too much this happens for stuff outside of the movie just thing that are too loud too bright too dark anyone know how to get past this,1
i ve always been scared if the dark it something i can t explain i know there s something there not trying to sound crazy lol everytime i put my phone down to sleep i just get crazy anxiety and start seeing thing sometimes i m going to wake up at pm tomorrow at this rate,1
so this may be odd but ha anyone s sense of smell been really weird while on buspar maybe it s unrelated but i just get random smell sometimes and feel like my spence of smell is heightened,1
add as ptsd and general anxiety ive been on medication for my add a long a i can remember but after a let call it a mental breakdown i had a few week ago and spend the week after on xanax i am finally on anti depressant after saying no for over year they re supposed to help with my anxiety after a trauma i recently went through and it s helping my anxiety yes but it s scary af cause it a if i m on a tiny bit of party drug and everything seems fine even when i notice it isn t when there is an issue or a problem i used to see 9 bad thing happen all at once and felt the need to prepare myself for all of those 9 but now i can sort of calmy ass the issue and find a solution without the 9 possible scenario taking over my emotion and cognitive skill neurologically speaking i fully understand what the drug are doing to my brain scary and anxiety like thought get filtered now but who decides what to actually filter what if i m driving again and i see someone walking in front of my car and it s filtered not a danger very black and white question idk how else to make it clear anyway i wrote a poem about it hope there s someone out there understanding my question cause my therapist definitely doesn t and my shrink is on holiday it s weird not noticing what s changing in my brain but to know something is probably for the better but what if i don t like this person this new brain and way of thinking so many what ifs still even on this tiny pill that s changing me into something someone i m scared of even meeting but can never run from,1
stress i love it like it bliss stress is so fun not but it want to give a kiss that s no lie stress can fry your mind up and that shit can piss but i still try to deal with all the pain and misery it give stress stress oh yes in this world it life rat race or cop chase stress can help or it can make you feel like crap and that isn t cap but stress can make you lose your mind or put mind in a trap,1
hello everyone i am currently on a trip for spring break college senior with friend and really struggling first a little background though i am now but have struggled with anxiety on and off my entire life it started with separation anxiety probably not being okay going to daycare or anything of the sort even with my older brother just because i couldn t stand being away from my parent i also would get hysterical if they left for a trip etc i also would be frantic and cry at the end of the school day in elementary school because i worried my parent wouldn t be there to pick me up a i got older this morphed into more health anxiety i also faint around needle so i have a big fear of fainting and then into panic disorder in high school diagnosed by my therapist i have seen a number of therapist off and on but never gone on any medication for anxiety my parent are super supportive of therapy but have always been more skeptical of med for mental health i also had a really hard time going to college even though it wa only an hour away because i got majorly homesick and struggled with adjustment disorder i eventually did adjust and now totally love my school but it took me a solid semester to overcome by homesickness fast forward to present i have noticed i get really nervous for trip that are somewhere unfamiliar to me and where i don t have one of my safe people with me my parent or my boyfriend i have amazing friend who are caring and supportive but for some reason they don t fall into my safe category like my parent or boyfriend do also just a sidenote but i had a generally happy childhood and have a great relationship with my parent for whatever relevance that may have i have huge anxiety leading up to trip and then also when i arrive and it tends to be crippling if i don t have a safe person there right now i am in mexico for day on spring break with three of my friend and i feel tremendously awful and sad like not necessarily panicky but just really deeply sad and like i want nothing more than to go home and hug my loved one i am trying to do more research and it seems like this could be a separation anxiety type issue in place where i feel comfortable hometown college town etc i am totally happy doing thing alone being independent of my safe people so it isn t an all the time thing but it is making travel really not fun for me and i honestly just want nothing more than to go home any advice would be great i am currently in therapy cbt general talk therapy mashup and will be bringing this up with my therapist but i would really love any and all suggestion for both tackling this immediately and trying to enjoy my trip and for way to think about this when i talk with my therapist i know this is a bit rambling so sorry and thank you,1
the title is exactly what i feel ive been kind of distant i m quieter respond shorter and get more irritated internally each day go by and i think all of this will be gone soon normally i d try to do a much a i can but that thought scare me so much everything feel so fast and slow at the same time i hate when people mention how fast season change and thing like i can t believe it s already been a year it so scary ive been overwhelmed by that fact that whenever i get upset at my friend or family the guilt i feel afterwards is so intense it feel like i ve grown so many fear that when i go outside i m constantly worried about thing what if my mom run into trouble during work while i m gone what if i get shot in school while all my family is gone what if my sister get kidnapped even in school i m thinking about it the thought are so scary,1
i wa picking up dinner and when i went to close the door i hit my head i m sure i m fine but now my anxiety went to 00 and i m thinking of internal bleeding and all this stuff and idk if my anxiety is causing this small headache i have now or not,1
hi i think i m okay but wanted to check in i wa cleaning some shelf at work and washed my hand and went out for a smoke had a stomach ache but i could just be hungry didn t eat much besides some cereal and chip and it s evening time lol my mind being overactive again maybe i wa worried about residue i guess lol,1
hey i don t want anyone to feel too down but any advice might help so for the past few day week scarily maybe a couple of month i haven t felt real and it s starting to scare me i ve struggled with anxiety for a while and i ve had it happen for a couple of day in the past but this time it feel different it s the physical embodiment of is this all there is like i m self aware yet everything is hazy and forgettable i thought it would go away when i came home from uni but it hasn t i just came back from a family dinner where i couldn t stop being frustrated with how i couldn t just be there mentally immerse myself i tried appreciation of the little thing and when i try i know i should feel something but it just apathy it s like it is what it is but a bit more pessimistic hopeless maybe hopeless is too strong a word i don t plan on giving up in my lifetime but it just make me overwhelmed that this ha been going on for a while and i don t know how to make life feel real again it might be derealization but it feel weirder more self aware than that if anyone ha gone through this before and ha tip to speed up the process i d be so so grateful,1
hello friend i had a very rough night my period is in a day and during my pm i always have more anxiety and emotion than usual right now though i am going through a relapse of my gad and pa last night wa one of the most challenging night of my anxiety day i literally felt like the entire night wa a big long not ending panic attack session i had moment where i had the full blown panic attack but in between the anxiety wa constant in and out of sleep i wa a mess i wa convinced that this time i lost my mind i need to call an ambulance and put in a mental health hospital it wa too much absolutely out of hand and now i am exhausted anxious dp dr is here and hoping it will all get better once i get my period i am on therapy 0mg sertraline and trying to meditate but last night wa hard something i haven t experienced before and i am feeling so defeated and scared that this is it that s how i ll lost my mind,1
hi i m just wondering if anyone is having the same issue and tip to cope i ve been in night club twice over the past couple of month both after i ve had a few drink with friend on both occasion i ve had to leave early because i get anxious about the number of people around resulting in a panic attack i never used to be like this before covid and i m generally ok in crowd sober anyone got any tip to cope,1
how i love employer and how they love me too but most of these employer deserve a fucking sue and some fucker fuck with me they should never fuck with me and yes the last place i worked at it wa not a cup of tea living here is so stressful anyone can fucking see and the stress doe fucking suck you know it is not stress free and all i have is one damn buck that s why i might have to flee drive in a van or a damn truck and hope the stress will leave me be,1
my dad call me immature when i have anxiety attack he swears and scream at my mom point at me and hovers over me when he yell and threatens to beat me if i don t somehow cure my mental illness i needed real help for a real problem and he sent me to a pseudoscientific hypnotherapist just because his friend went there i need help that doesn t make me a baby,1
i just learned about appendicitis and i m freaking out the thought of my appendix bursting randomly make me desperately want to crawl out of my body i ve seen too many thing in my life that have made me so afraid and worried about the pain that come with death i used to pursue forensic science until it wa too much for my anxiety we had to watch people get killed in order to learn how to recreate the event of a crime scene i m a healthy year old yet i fear and think about death every single day of my life specifically the pain associated with it doe anyone else have this fear or know any trick to cope with it,1
i m sick of hearing these are your best year and it only get worse i m year old i m in highschool and every adult in my life insists that it doesn t get any better than this i m told that a i get older get a job a house debt more responsibility i ll only get more stressed school alone coupled with my anxiety is enough to make getting through a single day a struggle i m fortunate enough to have a very good home life my greatest struggle ha been and continues to be with myself i m afraid that once i move on to life past highschool and i no longer have a strong support system i will collapse in on myself if you struggled with mental health in highschool when you were younger ha life a an adult improved for you doe it get any easier,1
so had a really bad few week with my anxiety my doctor decided to put me on citalopram and now i ve barely eaten and drank for day which ha made this experience so much worse so i ve decided to stop taking them and stick to my propranolol i m going to create new healthy routine for my day to day life drink more water maybe a new hobby i ve also ordered new book one on how to heal from narcissistic abuse route of my anxiety from a parent and how to let go of painful memory that are causing me to be miserable on a positive note i ve had a really good conversation with my boyfriend who s my rock a sometimes he get deflated with my anxiousness and negativity which i can completely appreciate also i m going to start going back to therapy and get into that routine too i don t know what the point of this post is lol but i just want someone who can relate to me or me to them after the worst week ever,1
i m currently working on a game which i hope to put on kickstarter i m not looking for fame and fortune but i would like for people to like my game and give it high review problem is that i feel like people can read my mind whenever i think about my game so i try to keep my thought quick and quiet forget writing anything down that s just another way someone can steak my idea how do i overcome this,1
hey so i have health anxiety and got blood work done result will be posted in a couple week i believe however lymph node are a major cause of my health anxiety right now i m concerned with two knot which are in the exact same spot on opposite side i barely felt them a few month ago and assumed it wa a muscle or tendon since they were literally in the same spot there is one on each side above my collarbone not on my neck but in that little pocket you can create while shrugging supraclavicular fossa is the specific name for the location i believe anyway i have these soft and moveable lump on each side are they lymph node if so they seem large maybe like a quarter in size give or take to be fair they haven t seem to grow at all since i last felt them which wa late last year no fever no night sweat no trouble breathing etc i had a cold where i coughed and sneezed a lot a month ago but all symptom went away also you can not see the two lump unless i tilt my head to other side shrug my shoulder and try to flex my neck a little bit at that point you can clearly see them you can most certainly feel them i have absolutely no clue what the hell they are and why one is on both side it doesn t seem to be apart of my anatomy seems abnormal thought experience suggestion i ll bring it up to my doc can t believe i forgot,1
tbh i just have no one to talk to and really need input atm i have alot of health anxiety and right now i ve convinced myself i have a blood clot in my leg and i m completely freaking out i dont think there swelling and my skin color look the same but the knee im worried about ha red stretch mark on the back and the other side s are colorless idk if thats new there a sharp pain behind my left knee and i m on birth control amp i vape so i took an asprin out of fear it worth noting i also have autoimmune issue could this be an actual clot what should i do am i totally overthinking how can i tell,1
i am worried that i check my pulse too much and the amount of time if felt my carotid artery i make that have narrowed the artery i m not sure if it placebo but i feel pressure in my neck right around that area sometimes,1
when i wa younger my mom would get me for month out of every summer a written out in the divorce paper during this month i wa hardly allowed to shower or brush my teeth and i often got in trouble for asking repeatedly for food or saying that i wa hungry i wasn t allowed to make friend in my mom s apartment complex and i wa never allowed to go outside unless my mom wa taking me to get food or we were doing her shopkick stuff i wa forced to drink coffee even though i didn t like it at the time and she d smoke in the apartment without opening a window from time to time a you guy can probably imagine i hated it there and i would become very unhealthy my mom would keep me up all night and refuse to let me go to sleep until like am i d pray for her to leave the apartment to go to the gas station for ciggarretts so that i could at least brush my teeth and chug down some water i wasn t allowed to drink water either because my mom didn t like it and she didn t want me drinking the tap water i wa only allowed to drink soda i d wait for her to fall asleep on the couch and try to sneak off to bed and finally get some sleep sometimes she d wake up while i wa sneaking and i d play it off a i wa going to the bathroom i wa always deathly afraid of making her mad because she d emotionally berate me or go overboard with the belt i wa also always afraid of getting caught for brushing my teeth or showering or going to sleep i wa ok for the most part when i d live with my dad i wa usually irritable for the next few week while i d readjust but now i m a sophmore in college and i m finding myself becoming more and more introverted and having more anxiety with le control over my emotion i am also doing the same exact thing that i d do when i wa with my mom for that month eating no more than once a day not sleeping staying up all night watching tv not taking shower not getting up to drink water not going outside and not talking to people and it s not for lack of wanting to do these thing i ve also seemingly developed a skin picking disorder where i pick my acne pick my bottom lip until it s completely covered in blood and my lip is raw and slightly swollen and pick my cuticle to the point of cry when i put my hand under running water i ve noticed that when i m picking at my skin i m thinking about how much i want to take a shower go to sleep eat food or drink water i have no idea why i m anxious about those thing again i m living with my boyfriend who encourages me to be healthy and is the complete opposite of my mom he s perfect all i know is that i need it to stop before my skin picking and or my introversion becomes so severe i can t come back to it i can t even go to the store by myself right now and i wa very independent my freshman year of college i m sorry for this being so long but if anyone ha any idea or advice that can help me get to the bottom of whatever is triggering me to feel this way again please comment below ask any additional question if you need to i would greatly appreciate it,1
i have been suffering from an eating disorder anorexia anorexia nervosa since i wa yo i m in my early 0 now about a month ago i had an issue with my chinese takeout that heighten not only my ed but my anxiety level too i constantly fear that everything i eat will cause stomach ache or make me sick so i m cautious to eat anything anymore i have slowly been on the road to recovery with my ed so this made me take step back rather than moving forward it ha also caused me to lose sleep at night and when i do end up sleeping i wake up with awful anxiety my anxiety ha been overwhelming because a day doe not go by where i m not excessively panicking i can t even go out of my house without breaking down it is so bad that i only ever feel safe in my own room i feel like i m trapped in this on going cycle with no kind of exit i am desperate to find a solution to my problem but therapy ha not worked for me nor medication i have no idea what i need to do to better my food anxiety and general anxiety i do my absolute best to not think about it all of my issue but it s so damn hard when my body say otherwise ha anyone suffered from this did you find anything that helped alleviate your anxiety or ed any helpful advice is welcome,1
so i ve been taking mirtazapine for year for my depression sleep problem my doctor also prescribed me hydroxyzine for when i m feeling anxious panicky i just took a hydroxyzine and now i have to take a mirtazapine before i try and lay down is this harmful can i take these two pill at the same time please help,1
hi i wa diagnosed with gad panic disorder about 0 year ago and i ve tried multiple different ssri benzos i m currently on xanax but i ve been extremely anxious lately and my doctor wanted me to try gabapentin x a day ha anyone had any success switching over from a benzo to gaba or any experience with it at all tia,1
in certain class i constantly have sweaty palm i sweat and blush extremely easily i d like to be able to fake it till i make it so to say but you can t really act confident when your face is a red a a tomato,1
i m quite a nervous talker anyway i m not toooo bad if it s close friend or my mum but co worker and stranger like supermarket worker or customer i stutter quite a lot but like today i ve had to work at a really busy pub i do mainly cleaning there alongside my main job i used to work at the pub full time but now i just help them out and i feel mentally numb it ha been especially busy today because of a big town wide event we even had to have staff from other pub help being a chain of pub i also wanted to be sick and cry a couple of time and it s just from the sheer amount of people and the amount of contact i have to have with some people i ve been invited out to watch a game tonight i enjoy watching rugby and i m still in two mind whether i can face going,1
well we unfortunately have mouse and been trapping a few but i dropped my phone where the mouse have been tho no mouse shit then i remembered no lysol wipe i mean i m good right not gon na transfer anything lol like idk i also smoke and worried about germ transfer,1
i saw a new pcp for an annual physical and while i wa there figured i d mention some of the physical symptom of anxiety i wa having to make sure it wa not actually medical i told her it often feel like my throat is really tight and on the verge of closing her only reply a she roll her eye that is literally impossible if your throat wa closing you wouldn t be talking to me right now me no duh obviously not but it feel like it s closing she wa the worst doctor i ve ever seen which is saying a lot and i wa so mad walking out of that appointment for other reason a well but the day after a my throat wa tightening i just remembered her saying it s literally impossible and couldn t stop laughing,1
long rant from a person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder tl dr at the bottom got yelled at by my bos today it s my first week working here someone ordered room service he said his food wa cold so i returned to the kitchen to ask for another dish to be made and i d hand deliver it myself so it would be piping hot i wanted to prevent this becoming a complaint so wanted to deal with it quickly returned to the kitchen manager wa sorting out further order with two other member of staff he wa in a hurry to leave so needed the order out he started barking and i mean barking order at me and i said one sec just going to ask the chef to got interrupted got told he didn t give a flying fuck that it could wait another hour and that i wa being the worst employee he had ever had a i wa being argumentative even though i never responded to him after my initial sentence of wait a sec bear in mind he s lost two member of staff since i started two week ago due to them finding work elsewhere and all i wa trying to do wa keep up customer satisfaction said resident left a negative review on the hotel website saying that a nice girl me had respectfully answered his complaint but upon phoning down to add something to his meal the manager told him that he would have to wait and he didn t care if the resident left a bad review and encouraged him to do so and when i finally came up with his food he apologised profusely he said from the attitude he got on the phone that he belief he got me in trouble and that he wa really sorry so in his review he wrote that i wa nice and the manager wa off putting and rude another employee stated that he told the resident he didn t give a fuck and had better thing to do with his time than chase after lazy people who couldn t come down to the restaurant for their dinner i never specified what happened to the resident and simply denied that i had gotten into trouble i just apologised for the long wait said everything wa fine the kitchen wa just backed up and left anyways i get paid minimum wage to not get my break minimum wage to get yelled at and told if i don t get my break then you don t either isn t fair especially considering i d been there for hour already and he had been there for 0 minute and wa leaving in an hour this entire incident resulted in me suppressing a panic attack for the remaining hour of my shift so when i left the building i broke down in tear and my mom had to pick me up off the ground don t suppress panic attack people it ll come back around honestly just not cut out for this my anxiety make me overthink thing so i can t even tell whether there is anything i could ve done differently here i just want to cry and i have work again in a few hour and he s going to be there and i m just upset i m never going to get rid of my anxiety disorder he just kindly reminds me every day tl dr got yelled at by my manager for trying to prevent an issue becoming a complaint it became one because of him and i got blamed for it get paid minimum wage work long hour and get no break can t quit because i m already a disappointment,1
i am on 0 mg of trintellix 0 mg of buspar twice a day and 0 mg of trazadone and after doing some research this combo might give me serotonin syndrome and trintellix interacts with trazadone so idk if he s tryna kill me or he doesn t know what he s doing or if i m just over reacting lmao,1
a lot of post and answer here are about health anxiety which i don t have or social anxiety which i do have but isn t the problem most of the time i ve had really bad anxiety for a long a i can remember and it s only starting to get better now that i ve been taking antidepressant for about a month but i just don t understand where the anxiety is coming from and even what it is about i don t know what i m afraid of i couldn t tell you what i m stressed out about recently my therapist told me my anxiety come from an obsessive disorder but not like ocd he explained it wa only mental but i still don t get it so i guess my question is doe anybody else here have that kind of anxiety and could you explain it to me it just drive me crazy to have my life ruined by something that doesn t make any sense,1
for starter i ve suffered from ocd my entire life thing such a having to touch thing with both hand in the same spot counting making sure the volume is on even number hair pulling etc etc i ve never had the physical side effect of anxiety though from what i understand ocd is classified a an anxiety disorder two month ago i had my first ever panic attack after smoking too much weed and my life ha been hell ever since it wa the first time i ve experienced panic such a the burning in the chest the sinking feeling in the stomach the fear that something is wrong the problem is that ever since that panic attack started i ve been stuck in a state of panic and my brain is doing it obsessively constantly using the panic neural pathway in the brain this is what i figured and how my psychiatrist explained it also so i ve basically been stuck in a never ending panic attack for two month and it ha ruined my physical and mental health i have a rush of adrenaline and sinking feeling in my stomach every second for no reason at all my brain is just very obsessive an it keep activating the panic button i can t control it either it won t stop no matter what i do my mouth is always dry and i feel on edge and over stimulated my joint hurt all the time and the worst thing is my ability to heal ha been drastically shut down my joint and muscle don t heal from wear and tear anymore so i ve been bed ridden i ve tried ssri benzos antipsychotic etc and nothing ha helped at all some thing may help me cope and deal with it better but nothing stop my brain from constantly panicking i ve been looking into assisted way to end my life a i can t imagine the rest of my life being in a permanent panic attack this is no way to live anyways i need to know if anyone ha dealt with something similar and if there s any way for me to get out of constant fight or flight thank you tldr my brain learned how to panic and it s obsessively hitting the panic button for no reason,1
m f we are currently dating for like month i mean we had sex timesim sure that i do love her a lot and she doe to but i don t want to get in a relationship now cuz i have trust issue it not about her i swear to god but i mean i dont want to think of her in a bad way i dont want to think that she is sleeping with a random dude at this moment i think she is cheating on me for no reason d even though we are not in a relationship and we didn t talk about it actually i am just jealous or have trust issue and i dont want to to make her day bad i want her to feel happy but am not sure about her i mean i had the thought that she is playing with me at the same time i feel like she rly love me and of course i didnt say that to her cuz i am her friend or her lover i meant i don t think that is ok to say that when you re not in a relationship even if we were together i wont say that or think of her like that with how to deal with that how to make it work,1
i am the definition of a failure i have mental diagnosis no job or education have money problem and poor health due to all the stress of life i have no idea at all how i can change my life so i become one quite normal person with normal success in life im 0 and feel so behind in life,1
so last night i wa up for hour trying to reset my sleep schedule since i had been going to sleep around am and waking up around pm i still wasn t that tired last night around 0 pm so i smoked some weed a i usually do every night i started hallucinating while making my bed seeing hand grab for me when i tucked the blanket it i tried to convince myself it wasn t real but i wa really freaking out so i went up stair and tried to just chill and find something to eat at this point my mind is racing and i can t think straight and i m wondering what is wrong with me and that s when i realized my heart wa racing like beating out of my chest i quickly pulled out my stopwatch to take my pulse because lately when i get anxious my heart rate get to about 0 my whole body is shaking and i m trying to count every beat for second but i got to second and my count wa already at 0 the stopwatch on my phone looked like it glitched and my knee went weak i thought i wa going to pas out so i freaked out and ran to my dad for him to take my pulse just in case i wa just buggin and just thought my heart rate wa crazy nope it wa resting at a i laid in my dad bed for about 0 minute shaking and cry i couldn t even get my breathing under control because i wa shaking so bad i couldn t voluntarily move needle to say i m going back on anxiety med sleeping more and never smoking weed again and i m gon na start seeing a cardiologist,1
so yesterday i had plan to go skating with a friend and we drive there everything is good and we re sitting in the car waiting to go in all of the sudden the overwhelming urge to cry just come over me and i start sobbing two second prior i wa laughing totally fine it took me a half an hour to be able to go inside luckily my friend is amazing and super understanding but what should i do in that situation any tip at all on how to control myself would be much appreciated,1
my anxiety manifest itself in many way and this is one form of it i would stand in front of the mirror and just feel like guilty for not being better not contributing more not being more positive not being a better friend when in reality i do those thing anyone else relate to this feeling,1
i have a constant paranoia of having rabies normally i can distract myself and just not think about it but if i get reminded of it i m worrying about having it i don t think i ve ever bitten by a wild animal and definitely not one that had rabies plus my country hasn t had a rabies case in year the last one being a dead fox found in the wood i have no idea why i keep worrying about it but i do and i keep wondering whether it s related to anxiety or something else,1
for the past month i ve been ill and every er urgent care and pediatrician say that nothing is wrong with me after several trip to my school psychologist because of anxiety i ve deduced that these are probably long covid symptom cool i guess since the monday before last i ve been waking up with headache that don t go away i immediately started getting anxious and started researching my symptom immediately google say it s brain cancer great i m and all i ve been thinking about since this started wa how i m going to die soon they ve checked all the problem area except in my head i want to get an mri but the oncoming medical bill are looming over my head i m also scared of the result on one hand i could have a tumor cancer that might kill me and on the other hand i could be wasting everyone s time my pediatrician suck and will probably just say it s anxiety which is probably the secondary issue not the primary one i m just so tired and so scared i feel like i have no one to talk to and it s consuming my life,1
we are going to see them the day after tomorrow and i m already anxious i think i have adhd i show significant symptom but silenced by my social anxiety disorder sad i didn t tell my parent that i might have adhd because they might have freaked out or definitely told me that it happening because i keep thinking about having those symptom and don t try to focus blah blah blah and stuff but what make me really anxious is what if i don t really have adhd or any kind of atypical issue and doctor say that i m perfectly normal becus then that would suck because if this happens i d be the only one to blame for not trying enough and whining about my problem and also what if i don t really have problem but still get over diagnosed with adhd and get amphetamine prescription i have learnt that it highly addictive and famous psychoactive drug that ha many side effect i m y o and a student what if the med fuck me up even more than my current situation my academic life ha already fallen apart but i can forget and restart by getting an admit in college even tho it won t be my desired college but atleast i ll be starting somewhere if i get affected by wrong med it might get more difficult for me to manage my behaviour and it side effect my parent made this decision like hour ago and i m already overthinking to this extent please help,1
i just fucking hate myself the thing is that i just recently got to the point where everytime i look into the mirror i just like get so anxious so fast like idk anymore all these negative feeling flood me when i see myself i just wish i wa better at everything and i look fucking disgusting and i know everyone around me is just thinking that i cant even eat and sit or sleep somewhere without fearing people judge me also im afraid of getting fat cause it would ruin my image even further the voice in my head want me to stop eating i just cant anymore i wan na km,1
did i give myself erp year ago i think i did when i wa i had a pretty bad fear of gay stuff lol which lasted for maybe month idk i remember i eventually agreed with my thought and i got over the obsession i had a harm obsession a few year ago and i remember i eventually agreed with my thought there too i m going crazy and the thought eventually stopped bothering me maybe i can do it again lol,1
i m trying to think of the last time i wa genuinely bored i stay at home a lot but whenever i m not doing something and even when i m doing something i m fighting against my anxiety mentally and physically i almost can t remember the feeling of being totally neutral and looking for something to do just because almost everything i do is to reduce the feeling and effect of anxiety on my body if i watch tv it s to try and distract myself from the heart palpitation and other fun thing and to reduce anxiety eat because i know if i don t i ll feel more anxious eat junk food because i m trying to push through the anxious feeling telling me if i eat junk food i ll get sick or die post online or socialise because again i m trying to push through the feeling of anxiety i get from posting online or socialising my life is anxiety management either trying to reduce anxiety or expose myself to thing that make me anxious which feel like everything to try and reduce anxiety long term oh how i envy people who are just bored,1
doe anyone else feel the overwhelming urge to sink to the floor when their anxiety get bad like you just want to make yourself a small a possible because this ha been happening a lot to me lately i get an anxiety attack and i just want to sit a low a i can usually i m in a public space so i don t give into the urge to just sit on the public ground but when i get home it s the first thing i do to make myself feel better i don t know if that make but i figured i d put it out there,1
this ha become a coping strategy for me i always did it to some extent i had many other ocd tendency a a teen but those went away pretty quickly after i tried to stop them but i ve become so anxious lately that i m starting to scar my face i know it s gross so please don t hate on me just wondering if this is something that anyone else with anxiety experience thank you,1
can anybody help with this i have a short minute presentation next week infront of about people over team i know it dosent sound bad but my anxiety ha gotten the better of me already dreading it and now starting to think of excuse to miss it also debating diazepam before it to help which i know isn t the smartest idea but lost with stuff to help,1
m started prozac week ago ocd and health anxiety over the past year have had 00 doctor appointment and test in several country nothing significant found panic attack resurfaced yesterday no cardiac cause yet high blood pressure and crunching gurgling in chest how can i learn to accept that the cause of this is anxiety and not some missing undiagnosed rare issue side effect underlying problem nutrient deficiency electrolyte imbalance food sensitivity or supplementation fix how doe someone make that real shift,1
so unfortunately a the title say i have bad relationship anxiety and anxiety in general although it can come and go my girlfriend went out a couple of night ago and although i trust her my anxiety work up and my head belief that she is cheating she doe not have a clue i think this way nor doe it effect our relationship but i ve the shake all day and feel exhausted after my mind racing and playing trick on me how can i stop this,1
hey im year old and ive recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety after ive been struggling with it my entire life i take my med when i need them only which might be bad and i also started therapy n it been helpful anyways ive been struggling with death anxiety for a while every once in a while ill somehow convince myself that it my last day week on earth n that i need to say goodbye to everyone n that this will be the last time im doing this or that etc it so bad to the point where i cant really get out of bed for day bc im scared of death whenever i have plan i keep thinking about all the bad thing that can happen to me so i cancel im scared of flying or driving or anything that can put me in danger tmw im going on a hiking trip n im terrified that it gon na go badly doe anyone have advice on how to deal with this bc i dont want it to stop me from living my life ive been struggling with it ever since i wa a child and i need it to get le intense asap ty,1
i m f currently on a work trip with a few of my coworkers most of whom i ve known for year but haven t seen in person since covid started i m decently close with one person in particular and the rest i just have a normal professional relationship with last night everyone went out to celebrate a big milestone during the trip and had a great time i wa definitely pretty drunk by the end of the night and getting home is a little hazy but i woke up with good memory of the night before and wasn t concerned that anything had happened anyways no one had texted me this morning and i wasn t sure what the plan for the day wa so i reached out to the coworker i m closer with and asked what she wa up to she said she wa going to breakfast with another person on the trip and that i could come which i agreed to but then she texted and said they were actually leaving right now for breakfast and that we could meet up later this seemed odd to me since we re all in the same hotel and i could have been ready to head out whenever but it felt like she didn t want me to come i think i m reading into it a bit too much but now i m freaking out worried that i did something wrong last night and that s the reason i m not being invited along today i don t really have a track record of doing thing out of character while drunk though so i m just really confused and anxious tldr got drunk with coworkers who i haven t seen in a while and now it feel like no one want to hang out with me,1
first off i m not saying being gay is bad few day ago i got a random intrusive thought what if i m gay and it got me anxiety for this couple of day now i tried to look at handsome men i felt maybe admiration of their look and wanted to be like them or false attraction with guilt disgusted and felt bad this intrusive thought made me doubt my sexuality and if i really am attracted to woman i tried watching gay porn if i get turnedon i didn t and i felt disgusted and weirded out no offense i tried to watch woman masturbating and it turned me on instantly i am really scared to be gay because i want to have a wife and child when i grow up am i overreacting am i straight or gay english is not my first language,1
lately i ve been having panic attack everywhere i went out to get drink with my partner and ended up cry in the bathroom yesterday we were with his friend and i had to excuse myself to sit outside and collect myself the list go on there never seems to even be anything that set me off but once it happens i can barely speak without tearing up it s so exhausting i don t want to have to hide from people place forever,1
i have been on prozac since maybe september last year before prozac i wa on lexapro and i wa given the highest dose of that and it worked at first and then my anxiety started up really bad again out of nowhere so i wa switched to prozac and honestly i don t feel like i ve noticed a difference especially recently i ve been getting bad anxiety attack that have worsened the past couple month i haven t had attack this bad in month it s honestly the worst ha anyone else experienced this where it feel like nothing is helping your anxiety i just want to be better my mind feel like a mental prison also doe anyone have any tip or trick that have helped calm them during an anxiety attack,1
i ve been having some sleepless night lately with some racing thought i cry everyday because i fear i might have bipolar or schizophrenia the fear use to be that i had a heart problem stroke brain cancer etc now i worry so much that i might be going crazy i have a constant ear worm and an inability to sleep please help pray for me,1
after a year of unemployment i got positive news yesterday that i got the job it s the perfect position for me and it will be really interesting to start but a usual i can t be happy when i m supposed to be since the congratulation call i have been spiraling a bit heart raising intrusive thought it s always the same thing,1
we ve been seeing a worrying increase in pro suicide content showing up here and and also going unreported this undermines our purpose here so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guideline about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide we ve created a wiki that cover these issue we hope this will be helpful to anyone who s wondering whether something s okay here and which response to report it explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent even an innocent message like if you re 00 committed i ll just wish you peace is likely to increase people s pain and why it s important to report even subtle pro suicide comment the full text of the wiki s current version is below and it is maintained at r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement we deeply appreciate everyone who give responsive empathetic non judgemental support to our ops and we particularly thank everyone who s already been reporting incitement in all form please report any post or comment that encourages suicide or that break any of the other guideline in the sidebar to the moderator either by clicking the report button or by sending u a modmail http www reddit com message compose to fr fsuicidewatch with a link we deal with all guideline violation that are reported to u a soon a we can but we can t read everything so community report are essential if you get a pm that break the guideline please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins http www reddit com report and to u in modmail thanks to all the great citizen of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for u r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement summary it s important to respect and understand people s experience and emotion it s never necessary helpful or kind to support suicidal intent there are some common misconception discussed below about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide there are also people online who incite suicide on purpose often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful validate feeling and experience not self destructive intention we re here to offer support not judgement that mean accepting with the best understanding we can offer whatever emotion people express suicidal people are suffering and we re here to try to ease that by providing support and caring the most reliable way we know to de escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood that mean not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are or telling them what to do or not do but there s an important line to draw here there s a crucial difference between empathizing with feeling and responding non judgmentally to suicidal thought and in any way endorsing encouraging or validating suicidal intention or hopeless belief it s both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone s suicidal thought without putting your finger on the scale of their decision anything that condones suicide even passively encourages suicide it isn t supportive and doe not help it also violates reddit s sitewide rule a well a our guideline explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdiction do not treat any op s post a meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can t change their mind or be helped anyone who s able to read the comment here still ha a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living even if they ve also been experiencing intense thought of suicide made a suicide plan or started carrying it out in the most useful empirical model we have http www apa org science about psa 009 0 sci brief the desire to die by suicide primarily come from two interpersonal factor alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer these factor usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world so any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent even something innocent like i hope you find peace is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person s sense that they re unwelcome in the world it will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded how to avoid validating suicidal intent keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide people who say they don t want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn t invalidate their emotion unfortunately many popular good response are actually counterproductive http www speakingofsuicide com 0 0 0 what not to say in particular many friend and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that it s not so bad and this is usually experienced a i don t understand what you re going through and i m not going to try people who ve had help that made them feel worse don t want any more of the same it doesn t mean that someone who actually know how to be supportive can t give them any comfort most people who are suicidal want to end their pain not their life it s almost never true that death is the only way to end these people s suffering of course there are exceptional situation and we certainly acknowledge that for some people the right help can be difficult to find but preventing someone s suicide doesn t mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding an unfixable problem doesn t mean that a good life will never be possible we don t have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better it s important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstance and our inner experience is weaker and le direct than commonly assumed for every kind of difficult life situation you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair and others who cope amazingly well and a whole spectrum in between a key difference is how much inner resilience the person ha at the time this can depend on many personal and situational factor but when there s not enough interpersonal support can both compensate for it absence and help rebuild it we go into more depth on the it get better issue in this psa post http www reddit com r suicidewatch comment igd whats wrong with it get better what if it doesnt which is always linked from our sidebar community info on mobile guideline there are always more choice than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their life to avoid accidentally breaking the anti incitement rule don t say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thought is a good idea or that someone can t turn back or is already dead do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome at least in this little corner of the world our talking tip http redd it igh offer more detailed guidance look out for deliberate incitement it may come in disguise often comment that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishist and voyeur unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon http en wikipedia org wiki william francis melchert dinkel people like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit make u particularly attractive to them they will typically try to scratch their psychological itch by saying thing that push people closer to the edge they often do this by exploiting the myth that we debunked in the bullet point above specifically you might see people doing the following encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying there are always more and better choice than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or helping actively or passively them to end their life creating an artificial and toxic sense of solidarity by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy they will represent themselves a the only one who really understand the suicidal person while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self loathing emotion and self destructive impulse since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation many suicide inciter are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activity while actually luring people away from source of real help a couple of key point to keep in mind skilled suicide intervention peer or professional is based on empathic responsiveness to the person s feeling that reduces their suffering in the moment contrary to pop culture myth it doe not involve persuasion don t do it cheerleading you ve got this or meaningless false promise trust me it get better or invalidation let me show you how thing aren t a bad a you think anyone who lead others to expect these kind of toxic response or any other response that prolongs their pain from expert help may be covertly pro suicide of course people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental health treatment and it s fine to vent about those but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else s hope of getting help choice made by competent responder are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone s trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or call a hotline confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our hotlines faq post http redd it c ntr the goal is always to provide all help with the client s full knowledge and informed consent we know that no individual or system is perfect mistake that lead to bad experience do sometimes happen to vulnerable people and we have enormous sympathy for them but anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need please let u know discreetly http www reddit com message compose to fr fsuicidewatch if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviour we don t recommend trying to engage with them directly,1
i ve been super depressed this year sure but i don t think it s gon na come yet i remember when i wa young when robin williams killed himself it really shook me because like i understood like my response wasn t being sad necessarily it wa well i get it it s weird i don t know i almost don t even feel emotional saying this one time a couple week ago i wa smoking weed and my heart kind of skipped a beat in a weird way and i thought good i wa like this would be an easy way to solve everything like it would be a relief to die then and there people don t think that right that s weird that i thought that why don t i fantasize about good thing anymore why don t i have oscar acceptance speech in my mirror why don t i think about my dream girl all i ever think about is how hard it ll be to get where i want to be and how i ll probably be when i meet the loml and i ll have no time to do anything fun with her anyway all i ever imagine is the bad stuff i think if you told me that there wa some kind of afterlife that some religion wa right i d do a little research to know what to expect and then probably jump out a window it just make sense right like what am i living for here yeah yeah i have friend and family that love me cool but is that really what s keeping me here guilt that s not a great reason for living and then it just get me it s like am i gon na work for another decade before i can get to a place i wan na be am i gon na be going on 0 by the time i m actually feeling progress in the meantime what the heck happens am i just sad and hurt all the time not worth it i wish i could just learn what my fate wa going to be so i could make an informed decision on whether i should be alive or not i don t know i m not gon na do anything now but like i feel like this isn t normal to think about,1
i can t i m so done i wa born female and i hate it being seen a a beta male suck nobody take me fucking serious and then the fact i m bisexual fucking hell i started forcing myself to only like woman because i hate being attracted to men it disgust me i can t anymore i just had the biggest panick attack imaginable i want to just rip out my female part and fucking unlive myself i m so uncomfortable with myself and i hate how people view me i will never be a real man i do not have male chromosome i don t have male genitalia this is all in my head and i m fuckinf mentally ill this shit ha made me depressed and desperate the worst people are the one telling me to be proud and embrace it fuck no this shit isnt normal and i wont pretend it is i cant fucking take this anymore i m only and i cant imagine living another day with this shit i m not a man nor a woman im some disgusting inbetween shit and i cant take it anymore being a fucking freak i already survived two suicide attempt and i regret still being alive,1
for starter i never really had a childhood when i wa my parent would constantly fight and eventually got divorced at the time i did not really understand and thought that my mom and dad needed space from each other well i never learned that they would never get back together until my dad remarried to a woman with son all older than me and my younger brother now my stepmother wa horrible to me and my brother this included being locked in the same room with my brother the whole day one meal per day a gate in the bedroom doorway so that neither of u could go to the bathroom or get a drink of water now i wa not always in my room i would go outside sometimes but i would be locked outside by my stepmother whenever i told my father about it he either did not believe me or shrugged it off a a mistake my mother wa not any better than my father she never remarried but wa extremely lazy and never cleaned the house she also never gave any discipline either so i wa free to do whatever i wanted then when i wa thing in my childhood got a lot harder when we found out my younger brother ha severe autism now thing switched from me getting some attention from my parent to none at all i wa now treated like a second rate child by almost everyone now whenever it wa my birthday and wanted to go somewhere we had to plan it to make sure that my brother would also enjoy going there because if he did not then my birthday would be cut very short not on y that the present were even unfair and i know it sound like i am just being selfish but is it selfish when on christmas i would get a 0 lego set and then my brother would get a new keyboard piano that he did not have to share the only time i ever felt like i wa treated equally wa when i wa over at my great aunt uncle s house at their house i wa not treated a a second rate child but instead a their own child they gave me acknowledgment and love when my actual parent did not they did not change plan because of my brother they helped fill the void that my mom and dad had left in me but my great uncle would pas away when i wa 9 due to cancer this not only hit me hard it felt like i had lost my real dad and now i would never get him back my great aunt wa still alive and kept up with me but i would only see her le and le a the year went by preteen teenager year were rough for me and yes i know most people s preteen teenager year were rough so for starter remember me talking about being almost locked in my room or having complete freedom depending on what parent i wa with well this wa not good for me at all a i got no interaction from peer my age and when i did get some it wa only for brief moment so i never knew how to interact with people i did make friend but this wa when i started lying to look cool instead of telling people that when i am with my dad i am basically in prison and when i am with my mom i live in a pigpen this kept leading to lie getting deeper and deeper and eventually developing into pathological lying it wasn t that i wa not kind or anything i just wanted to be cool and normal like the other kid and my friend this however wa only the tip of the very uneasy iceberg because now people were getting in romantic relationship in high school and god forbid that i get a girlfriend during this time well it happened i got a girlfriend when i wa freshman in high school she wa the polar opposite of me where i wa shy and not very interactable if i did not know you she wa the party girl who wanted to drink booze and smoke weed during the time that she did drink or smoke i would feel left out just like with my family at home so again i made up story and stuff to make myself look better well now i wa getting called out by others for my lie i knew it wa wrong but for me it wa all about the attention at the time no matter if it wa good or bad it made me feel real and like i mattered in a twisted way well now because i wa being called out i started to get even more depressed than i wa and resorted to self harm eventually one night when me and my ex were talking she got drunk and started sending message that i needed to man up and have intercourse with her r she will leave me well me being in a not so good position in life i self harmed more violently that time and sent an image to her in retaliation for her saying that she will leave me i know a match made in heaven right there i will not say that i wa not at fault partially in that situation and i will not defend my action i merely wish to vent and talk about this anonymously a i have never spoken about this before to anyone after that incident the next day i wa beaten to a pulp by guy who liked my ex and thought doing this would land them brownie point after which the school district finally did an investigation which involved my ex telling her side and only hearing her side my friend called me insane and left one by one until i had no friend anymore what hurt the most from that though wa now i wa alone my parent still never really paid attention to me and now were treating me like a chore than a son instead of getting me the help i needed they instead did nothing at all except send me to a psychologist who would proscribe every drug in the world and a therapist who did not really understand what i wa saying and that wa i needed help i relied on them for help and they were never there now at this point i m and have no friend still don t know how to keep friend and don t know how to reliably get help i spent the rest of my high school year in and out of different school with no friend or girlfriend i wa so shut off that when there wa a girl who liked me or someone who wanted to be friend i would always dismiss them or tell them that they could do better than me i wa a husk in my own body and it wa all due to my action and not wanting to open up to anyone i did get some romantic relationship eventually but those fell off a i never put the time or effort to make it last when i wa i had my first suicide attempt i failed obviously and i am glad it did at the time i eventually got in contact with my great aunt again after year we chatted about what had happened in our life with me tearing up for the first time in a while talking about what my childhood and teen life were like she told me that she wa the same way in that she wa suicidal and we connected together because of that morbid fact she talked me out of many other suicide attempt and kept telling me that it will always et better no matter what and yes thing did get better i bought a car and paid it off in le than a year i have grown and learned so much that i am wiser than i wa before and i am going to college to get a degree in biology and in all honesty i would not change anything one bit knowing who i am now but i still get the feeling that everything would be better if i just did not exist now we come to today with me still dealing with suicide it ha now been a constant battle with it daily because i just don t know what to do i can t get over my past and the mistake that i made and even then this post doe not even cover all of them if it did it would be almost 00 page at least i just wish sometimes i never existed in the first place or that i wa born to loving parent who actually cared for me instead of sidelining me for my brother because he ha autism i am so full of rage for myself and my brother not because he is autistic but he took away the childhood i needed in the first place i m and feel stuck like i don t know where to go from here i don t know how to move on from the past mistake that keep me back i don t know how to look at the future and not see it landing me with the worst life imaginable and especially i do not know how to get over the feeling of not wanting to exist daily and thinking of way to die sorry for the long post i tried to keep it a short a possible with the most detail and if this is not the right place then what is the right place thank you,1
i m feeling very suicidal atm i m very close to hanging myself i want to call 9 but i won t be able to pay for the hospital bill afterwards and i ll regret calling them im currently in college and i don t work i live at home with my parent my parent will be angry at me for calling 9 and they will most likely have to pay off the bill we have insurance but after insurance it s about 000 i don t know what to do,1
i ve just been so overwhelmed lately i d love a break for once in my life i m not asking for much but at this point it seems like only bad thing happen to me i even lost my two only friend a few month ago and now i m all alone again,1
i m a year old girl and my best friend took her own life a few month ago i rly tried to live without her honesty i mean ok i ve tried to die after that but then i put in a real effort to live without her she suffered before she died she wa just a little girl not even a teenager i just can t do it i tried but i don t want to live in such a unfair world without her i ve had nightmare nonstop my brain is torturing itself after what happened my brain want me to kill myself and end the torture so i need to do it feeling nothing is so much better than being tortured i think everyone would agree i m gon na do it rly soon cuz idk how much more torture i can take,1
i wa too honest with a therapist at my school and now i m being sent to a psych ward i m fucking pissed and i will be missing class i m literally about to cancel all the rest of my appointment,1
i just can t do this anymore how the fuck did i make it to 9 at i tried to kill myself and thing got so so so much worse so bad that i didn t know it wa possible to live in such agonizing pain i hate people and i hate myself and i hate this life but i will miss the sunset i wish i could ve made it work but i couldn t do it anymore bye earth i ll be underground now,1
we live in a world full of hate greed corruption war and much more a corrupt school system and mental health system you have to be normal or else you re fucked nobody care you re born without your consent and then forced to provide for society and fit into society it s all an endless cycle,1
like fuck am i invisible,1
i feel like i am getting closer to giving up everyday and i can help myself it like i am watching a ship slowly sink i don t think i will see my next birthday i know myself pretty well and i know i can t hold on for much longer i feel like a cancer patient with few month to live i have had suicidal thought before but nothing like this it feel like i am already dead,1
first vent that is not related to the second one i ain t transgender i m fucking delusional he always find a way to make me feel like fucking shit i fucking hate him i thought of him like a father and now he just fucking betrays my soul he call me selfish for wanting him to see me a a boy he only give a fuck about himself he humiliates other kid and get a fucking kick out of it and i m sick of his shit sometimes i wish he understood how much i fucking suffered im having a whole fucking insane as fake as probably episode over a goddamn teacher god fucking dammit everyone tell me to just stop having such strong bond with a teacher but i can t fucking control it i can t i don t mean that in a creepy way i just genuinely want his approval so bad that it ha made me go over the fucking rail i want him to just approve me i want him to so fucking bad i insult him yet i love him like a father figure why fucking why separate vent made at the same time and just to get off that stupid as note for a minute i wish to fucking kill myself in a way where my face ain t recognizable my breast are cut the fuck off and the part at the bottom is fucking burned off to a crisp it s almost what i fucking fantasize about at this point maybe then the red neck degenerate won t try to dig me up and fuck me or some stupid as shit like that oh i ll know they will find my female abomination but at least i ll give them the nightmare to look at when i m fucking gone sexy sexy sexy that s what she called it oh how she wanted my body to be hers sick fuck i m gon na be sick just like her i fucking know it i m just an attention seeker bitch or just insane i can t tell at this point fucking bitch,1
idk if i need to but putting a big fat trigger warning here for ed general bad thought and pedophilia a well a the fact that this is basically a long post complaining about everything wrong with my life lol i don t see the point of trying to tell myself that it ll get better when i know that the next few month will be so much worse than now i don t have any reason to try to keep myself from ending it when my body is already dying much quicker then i d like and i don t have the motivation or the purpose to tell anyone how bad everything s gotten cant forget the fact i am autistic trans gay and basically everything else that i won t ever get accepted or treated right for lol i don t hate myself i don t even see myself a a person i know i have delusion about myself that i don t feel comfortable sharing even though i m comfortable sharing literally every other problem i have but i hate that i wa born in general i don t think i should have been born at all especially since i wa born a fucking girl being trans is the worst fucking thing to come out of being alive i would give every failing organ in my body just to have been born a man i can t come out to anyone in person i wouldn t be accepted by the majority of people i know anyway because i won t ever be taken seriously a a man no one regardless of who i meet will ever see me a a real man and that hurt more than anything people might start using he him when they feel like doing so but since they ll still see me a a girl anyways i don t see the point sometimes i think of growing my hair back out throwing on a dress and pretending that i m comfortable with being a girl because part of me think that i could come to live with it in time sometimes i consider finding someone twice my age online just to give me fake validation because it ll be much more than i ll ever get in person i know it not healthy but neither am i i want the worst for myself because it ll make me feel temporarily better since we re already practically trauma dumping might a well mention that i ve been targeted by older men my whole life since i wa i ve been flirted with proposed to and had weird sexual comment thrown at me by adult all whilst my very own mother would watch and laugh never thinking to tell them to stop i mean she s never been any better considering that she is by far the one person who s made my life the worst it can be but i live with her and will do for at least the next few year so it s not like i can do anything about it i m only who know maybe this shit is normal and i should just suck it up and deal with it i could go into depth about how my mother ha fuelled my body issue and my eating disorder s how she s blatantly ignored the sign of autism i displayed from birth and now make fun of me get angry at me for and let me get severely underweight at a very young age because i couldn t handle any food texture and still put it down to me just being picky having an eating disorder might actually kill me before i kill myself haven t lost any weight from it but have basically lost everything else my heart is faring the worst it s absolutely terrifying feeling it malfunction but for some reason i can t tell anyone how bad it s actually gotten i go to the doctor occasionally and they know there s at least thing wrong with my heart but they don t take it seriously unless i experience symptom which i do severely at that but i haven t told anyone and now i have to face the consequence for it s been getting so much worse in the last few month granted i haven t had another almost heart attack since middle of last year i had every heart attack symptom at once i broke out into a cold sweat in my bathroom and felt the worst anxiety i ve ever felt my vision started to go static and fade i wa practically holding onto my heart and i ve never felt so much like i wa going to die not even after i overdosed but i ve watched my heart rate drop to 0 on multiple occasion and seen it go way above 0 after just walking up some stair most night i sleep le than hour because every time i ve tried to sleep ive been worried that my heart will just give out and i won t wake up for some reason i can stomach killing myself but i can t handle not dying from my own hand i don t know what i want out of this empty reassurance someone to tell me i m not being unreasonable maybe i just want people to relate i think more than anything though i just want someone to talk to not even about the bad shit just someone to engage with and tell about my hyperfixations someone who won t just ignore me and most of all i want a friend i don t think i ll get that here i don t expect to nor do i really think it s fair i don t want to live anymore and i know that if i reach i ll end up ruining my life one way or another i don t care what happens to me anymore because it ll just get worse anyway if you ve read this far sorry for wasting your time drink some water or smth tldr im suffering and i have absolutely no outlet or the help i need,1
i struggle with school having to take all honor and ap class at home my parent insult me and treat me like a tool making me pick up their slack they give me the same excuse saying that since they work i need to do something my mom and step dad also think that my study are the most important thing in the world a i cant go out with friend having three sibling that are 0 year younger than me also build up this stress my family issue also include me not knowing my real dad my mom never told me anything about him but snooping through her phone let me know he in jail in another country i cant take my family anymore and i wan na cry but i cant my friend dont understand since they have loving family and big home the only person i can talk to is my closest friend but knowing that she ha her own issue worry me i have not cried ever since th grade and when i do it me tearing up i cant feel happiness anymore nor sadness it just me hating my family even more sport and videogames arent a good escape for me anymore a i lost interest in it and keeping up good grade to impress my parent make me want to cry but i cant i dont know anymore and im stooping really low talking on reddit i wish i could cry but i physically cant,1
i am not i don t believe or respect myself enough to do it i am extremely pathetic lazy and bad person that s the truth a simple fact and this will probably never change because thats how i am,1
i just wish i didn t have people and pet that wouldn t be bothered without me i have all the general visible asset of my gender identity but i still know i ll never be a girl,1
been suicidal for a long time now attempted suicide for an embarrassing amount of time first time overdosing on panadol heard it s a terrible way to go but did it nonetheless i took 0 feeling pretty normal right now it s most likely not the fatal dose but that s all i could get my hand on whatever happens happens i ll update y all if i survive,1
i m going insane every single day i don t know wtf is going on or who i am anymore i don t even feel like i belong here i just want to free my soul and rest in peace,1
i seriously don t get how people just live their every day life without completely falling apart and i don t get how people are just happy with their life i m in college right now and i m failing class have no friend and zero motivation to do anything about it i really just don t see the point in putting myself through hell for a degree so i can get a job i don t want and coming home from that job to absolutely no one i really don t think anyone could ever love me so if i ll hate my job have no friend and no romantic partner what s the point there s nothing in my life worth working towards and i m ready to give up on everything i just can t do this anymore and i don t know what s left to do other than kill myself,1
what keep me awake every night is trying to figure out whether my wife and kid would be better off if i actually did take my own life versus me continuing to exist in their life versus divorce and distancing myself from them a much a possible my best mate in my late 0 his mother took her own life when he wa about 0 year old and he hated her for it ever since my parent split when i wa and i have absolutely no memory of my parent a a couple you know a mum and dad together and i m pretty sure my dad left to live with his parent because he had wanted to take his own life and wanted to distance himself from u to minimise the impact he s still alive looking after his mother but he never had any passion for anything and always seemed to be just existing so i get it i m that way too i don t know of any example of father who decided to just live and not leave the family because all my childhood friend were also poor kid living in single parent household i have no friend now so i don t have any example to go by i can see how me choosing to stick around but the therapy and medication isn t making a fucking difference could make life shit for my wife and kid even tho he s alive i can t talk to my dad about anything deep or meaningful my so called adopted father my uncle is so full of b platitude and braindead socialist bullshit that i can t stand talking to him about this stuff i don t have any friend from church so i have nobody to teach me how i m supposed to pray about this shit so i m getting no answer from jesus god i effectively have nobody to talk to about this i don t want empathy i want fucken solution the mere fact that no matter what i do whether ten of thousand of dollar of therapy or a half dozen different medication over the last five year none of it ha made anything better fuck depression fuck adhd fuck doing a job for money fuck being productive fuck cognitive behaviour therapy fuck autism fuck aspergers fuck anxiety fuck just reach out for help fuck society and fuck god for making me born with this mental illness,1
i don t have enough med to od myself i m afraid of pain so i cant slit my own neck if emotional agony can kill me then i would have died a million time over already,1
i m apparently a horrible failure of a partner and lover i m awful and terrible i should just go kill myself everyone would be better off if i wa dead i m terrible for the hurt i cause because i ve been hurt i m hideous for not knowing how to love when my whole life ha been nothing but trauma i m worthless and no man will ever love me i deserve to be told to kill myself and i deserved my abuse i deserved my rape and my miscarriage and to be cheated on i deserved it all i m terrible im a failure of a daughter a sister a friend an almost wife and almost mother i have no worth im unlovable,1
i extremely hate this day it reminds me that nobody care about me if i had died no one would even noticed people my age are getting married strenghtenning friendship bond having the time of their life i have nobody to talk to friend i once had stopped replying to my text i planned comiting suicide two year ago but the pandemic happened i imagined myself standing in the middle of a bridge and jumping through a barricade while cry and listening to johny cash hurt i am so lonely i overwork myself to forget that i have nobody and i will never have i will spend my birthday the same a for couple last year i am going to cry,1
i ve tried to do everything right i ve tried so hard it never get better no matter what it s always a circular road and i always end up in the same place i m just so tired,1
my parent split when i wa i lived with my dad and my sister moved with my mom my father wa a super alcoholic and abusive he used to whip me with cordage punch me while i wa naked because i wa taking a shower to long and basically hit me when ever he wa in the mood when i wa the neighbor kid who wa older than me molested me and i told my dad about it he asked me if i wa some kind of homosexual slang word and did nothing about it he used to wash my clothes and hang dry them above trash and i wa very limited on the amount of time i wa allowed to bathe because of this i got picked on for being the dirty kid fast forward a few year i became the bully a i wa psychically stronger than kid my age i also started stealing food and laundry detergent from the gas station i would put my clothes in trash bag and bike them to the laundry mat when i wa i got a girl pregnant i also started hanging out with people older than me i got into fight alot and started robbing place to eat i got caught and did time in juvenile hall afterwards i wa court ordered to move in with my mom she knew nothing about what wa going on at my dad s house the whole time i felt like if i said anything i would be forced to move and that made me feel guilty because i wa all my dad had left at i wa diagnosed with a nasty skin disorder called hidradenitis suppurativa basically i get boil in my armpit and on my butt there is no cure and surgery usually doesn t work it just come right back this made me skidish when it came to dating and i wa also dealing with my molestation the whole time throughout my whole teenage year i thought i wa gay because of what happened a a child when i wa i met a i fell head over heel for her and vice versa about year in i became extremely possessive gave her zero space and never did anything fun with her we broke up i could see she wasn t happy and asked her one day if she needed to leave and she said yes it wa over throught my late 0 i would check in on her to make sure she wa ok she would get in a relationship but then break up and we would start chatting again this happened time but i never fully pursued her i could tell we had unfinished business and that she had the same feeling for me a i did for her i knew she could get better so i let her go it ha now been year and i haven t dated serious since i have relived our break up 000s of time i will dream of her and wake up and it start all over again that mixed in with my past my skin disorder my job that i hate even though it s good money my addiction my dying mother ha me to the point where i don t want to live i ve also recently learned that my dad s house burnt down and he ha been homeless living out of his car for the past few year i don t know how to react to that for year now i have told myself that when my mother go i m going to kill myself i ve decided to wait until she go because she ha been through a lot a well and i want her to not be alone when she doe my dad wasn t good to her then wa abused by step father he died and all while dealing with severe kidney problem and vitamin deficiency i don t really have a relationship with my daughter i wa a bad father a a teenager i ve tried to do better but i don t think she would ever forgive me for not being there my mom s health is steadily declining so my time is approaching i ve recently bought a gun and now it s all up to my mom to those of you who made it this far i m sorry this post is so long i needed somewhere to vent because a lot of this stuff i have never told anyone thanks for reading,1
so for awhile now i ve tried multiple time to hang myself and also tried to slit my wrist but all my suicide attempt have failed and im trying to find happiness in life and find a reason to live but everday i just wan na end all my suffering anyways here s why i feel suicidal so basically my mom and dad are abusive and make me feel like shit and then my brother and sister don t understand what im going through so they make it worse and my parent threated me if i call cps or anyone about what happens at the house i would get whooped till i got red mark and alot of bad thing somebody please help me before i take my life,1
i don t want to go to the psych ward i just want this all to stop but i m too afraid to try because if i fail again i m going to be locked up again,1
human just making my life harder to impossible to live ruined my life and my childhood fuck you people pushed me to the edge million of time that i don t mind even kill torture steal destroy hurt other people or even destroy humanity and earth you fucking deserve this instead of living happy life human and religion are fucking cancer,1
it s not easy being useless i am honestly just considering quitting my job and spending these last few day in a hedonistic fashion i hate my family so their feeling don t matter i never understood the logic that i shouldn t kill myself because it would make other people sad it seems like everyone is for doing what s best for you until that thing that s best for you is suicide the rule for suicide are different because when you re suicidal you have to throw what s best for you out the window and do what other people want for you and that s fucking bullshit,1
we have absolutely no freedom when it come to our life i personally have a family and i resent them everyday for being the reason i m still a slave to life after a suicidal episode that disease i call hope creep back in and fuel me to slave away for a few month until i burn out again if anyone ha a solution to the family problem let me know ex telling them you re a monk and moving to thailand,1
god im stupid,1
i know i m not the other one going through this but holy fuck i jsur feel so alone and in so much pain and it hurt so much even my therapist doesn t seem to undersrand how much this really hurt and how much i really just want to fucking die,1
why is this overwhelming fear and the feeling that nothing matter going away i feel worse a more day pass i am doing everything i can i am going to therapy taking medication getting help but it isn t changing anything everyday i go to sleep i wish that i don t wake up that i don t have to feel like this anymore the worst part is that i don t understand what i am so afraid of and if i don t understand it how am i supposed to overcome it i don t know what to do i really don t,1
f i m planning to kill myself perhaps next month i m just gon na put it all out there because i have nothing to lose now i missed year of school because of mental health and i wa in a psych ward for 9 month due to this i have no friend at all only my mum and i m grateful for that now i m in year in a hospital school trying to cram year of lost education into my brain my gcse s are in a month and i m going to fail even though i m only going to be doing two of them english language and math i cant even get to college don t get me started on uni i m going to be a nobody struggling to find a job i bet my mum is so disappointed in me but she doesn t wan na say it my future is over i m over even though my life ha just begun i d rather end it now than be known a the waste child i ve been planning my death for a long time now i can t take this anymore this disappointment in myself i can t take it,1
hey guy i m and female and i ve been struggling with my mental health for the past year i ve had a lot of suicidal episode all of them were in my head so i never actively did anything except wishing to die but the wish of dying got bigger in the past month i just hate my life and i struggle so much it s just crazy i don t see any pleasure in living but my problem is that i feel like i m not 00 ly sure if i want this my reason of dying i might have ocd and this shit is just a living hell i keep ruminating so much and i just can t continue to live like that this sickness ha taken so much lifetime away from me i have horrible thought about the people i love the most and i m scared i might have harmed them in any way and i wouldn t be able to live with that i just hate life when you see me from the outside you ll think that i m a happy person but i m not i struggle with anxiety and panic so much they re part of my daily life i just have too many issue all of the pain will be over the problem is that my elder brother past away a month ago and my family wouldn t be able to handle two death child i told a close friend about my suicidal thought but i think that he didn t fully understand me he doesn t know that this is something that i m considering all the time about therapy i can t get any help bc of my parent so no matter what you ll say about therapy it won t be possible i just want everything to end i ve suffered enough i ve had enough of this life maybe i m being selfish but i ll have to do what s best for me in the last day i haven t been able to do anything good i mostly laid in my bed on the phone i just don t find any motivation in thing i eat very bad and then my stomach will hurt the next day my sleep schedule is fucked up too but it ha gotten better in the last day i feel so sick and when i m with my friend i play the girl who s always happy while i m not i just hate life i ve harmed myself a few time but it wa just biting myself i wanted to do more extreme thing but then i didn t bc i don t see how self harm could help me i d like to die a painless death or maybe commit suicide indirectly so that my family won t see that i killed myself,1
hey i posted a question here a while ago but no one answered i don t know if maybe my question got private it or something i don t think it broke any rule it s just that i m afraid death will leave you conciouss until you decompose or get cremated or that you ll suffocate due to not breathing do we know that being dead mean you re definitely unconscious,1
i wish i wa dead im too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself i rely on pot to function there isn t a single moment of my day that i m not thinking about my ex girlfriend i m extremely pretentious while also being insanely insecure i hate my friend i hate my town i hate the way that i am i m unsure of my view and future i have debilitating anxiety i fall into the same loop over and over of making progress in life only to fall back into depression and start again my passion is guitar and writing song and all of them are garbage my parent suck i m afraid of sleeping at night because of nightmare that trigger my trauma and make me dissociate i can t drink anymore because it make me want to attempt suicide fuck,1
i d been free from suicidal ideation for a few month and am distraught to be back in a place of despair i started a new job a stepping stone to what i thought wa my career goal and it seems to be something i m not cut out for emotionally i m a behavior therapist and my client honestly disturb me sometimes have me feeling depressed a i feel there s no hope for them this is very frustrating because this is my third career path and i m only my sleep quality is dipping severely a of late the time in which my brain is supposed to heal i m seemingly unable to eat consistently binging then fasting over and over my new therapist doesn t seem to be much help i m a recovering alcoholic and addict but i m finding myself craving to escape with substance it s not an option however because it would grant me homelessness a i m currently in a sober home it s hard to connect to people i m in a very self critical mindset lately judging my word after every interaction i have i m even feeling internal homophobia i feel this may be the sign of a positive internal reset and spiritual awakening but it s overwhelming nothing feel comfortable right now something snapped in my psyche at year old four year ago and i ve essentially been miserable since i wa diagnosed bipolar type i this mean without medication or proper self care i e sleep i can have an episode of severe depression or mania wherein my mind work in overdrive and it may feel good in fleeting moment but is ultimately disastrous to my life while manic i ve ruined my credit score crashed car and ruined relationship through verbal violence that is a byproduct of my lowered inhibition at this time with sobriety medication and meditation i had been doing well but with a new fork in the road in regard to my career terrible sleep with disturbing and stressful nightmare and utter confusion and frustration a a result i can t even bring myself to suicidality because i ve tried it quite a few time pill other type of pill intentional carbon monoxide poisoning cutting major artery and more pill with alcohol life just seems to be an endless series of pain and suffering i feel like getting in my car and driving i want to drive to a remote area in a state that is foreign to me park my car and just walk starve to death find a cliff and enjoy the sight of a new scene while i m at it what scare me is surviving and being more miserable with a set back that is typically what happens thanks for reading,1
i ve rewritten this time within the past hour it s already am and yet still had the patience for it i want to kill myself and i m stupid if i end up doing it my reasoning it wa for a boy and my effortless attempt at making him happy without me in the picture he ha reddit so i m hoping he doesn t see this due to the fact we follow each other but if he doe thanks for everything thanks for the laugh on the voicecall today and for making me smile everytime i open up the chat i love you and i could only pray that you d love me too,1
think about it i cant do a single thing anymore and the fact that i just suck at everything is just totally fantastic sarcasm i just keep bottling up everything and everything i thought about running away and dieing alone but i don t know how brutal that is,1
enough fentanyl to kill a gorilla i m sorry i don t wan na hurt my family but i can t go on another day living a a junkie fuck up might a well end it i love you zoey in case you re reading this i m sorry,1
it s not that had to understand,1
anyone suffering from depression and or is suicidal whatever it may be i truly hope you the best ik how hard it fucking is unfortunately i lost the battle it s the last thing i wanted to do i know i m young but fought for so long to be happy exhausted every option but it s just too much pain not gon na get into all the detail to what happened to cause a lot of this feel like it wouldn t accomplish anything amp this post won t even be noticed just leaving a digital footprint ig already wrote letter for my parent and little brother amp close friend this thing happened about when i wa and have been dealing w it since and it s mentally taxing and caused severe depression stress amp pain amp turned my once happy outgoing self threw it in a fucking blender can t say i didn t try though just get to a point where every option available you took and you tried your hardest to get over what happened and get life back to normal and everything throw you back to the fuckin ground then you realize there really is nothing you can do and look back at how long you ve been trying and how hard you tried it s painful n i ll no longer by suffering by 0 pm wish you all the best stay solid,1
i realized the only reason i haven t killed myself is i don t want to be a burden on my brother and cause him and harm idk realizing that made me freak the fuck out the idea that i haven t lived my life for myself for year is making me have the urge again for some reason and it s scaring me the only thing that give me comfort is planning a day to end it so i don t end it now i really don t want to be here anymore i feel like people only want me around when it s convenient for them or when i can help them i am a last resort for everyone because i have no need at all i fucking hate myself and the only people who care about me are the people who have to this is stupid but it wa cathartic to write lmao,1
i purchased a helium tank just waiting for it to come i don t feel sad anymore just peaceful and ready for an exit,1
had a long talk about my well being i have a history of suicidal thought for about year see my page for detail if you d like anyways they said that they re worried because i ve been literally drained for week work ha me tied have a weird as headache for a month nearly and i haven t been uppity like i usually am just tired of working to live and living to work i have no college history barely got through high school no ambition nothing i dont want to keep working job to job until i can retire 0 year down the road my folk said thats life you have to push cause thats how it always gon na be i just told them if thats seriously how it going to be struggling all my life id rather paint the ceiling with my fucking brain and walked off just man im tired guy so tired,1
just feel like total shit honestly nobody text me it feel like nobody want anything to do with me i m just so fucking lonely all i want is somebody to hold me and tell me it s okay but i m so afraid of letting people see me broken my friend kept trying to talk to me earlier he said i seemed out of it which i wa but i just said i wa fine and pretended i wasn t bothered i honestly don t know how much longer i can handle feeling like this feeling so lonely and broken i just wish i had somebody in my life who would talk to me and keep my occupied and make me feel wanted i m such an asshole i killed the vibe when i wa with my friend earlier and now they probably won t want to hangout or talk to me anymore i feel like such a failure and just wish i could die in my sleep sometimes i just don t want to do it anymore,1
edit i never really thought anyone would care but thank you so much for each of you for taking time out to console a random stranger it meant a lot and while i spent the night contemplating just ending it in the end reading this comment section again and again helped a lot i m still here and that s count for something i guess,1
i ve been struggling with an eating disorder for five year now it ha stolen those year from me crippled me from doing thing i love due to my low body weight made me unable to think rationally and study diligently my family are exhausted mum especially sleeping beside me because she s terrified i ll die alone in my sleep it make my heart rot thinking about the hour they ve spent worrying about me or the time and money flushed down the toilet finding me treatment i always disappoint them the mental health team i ve been going to have been more harm than good mum tried to send me to them a early a she could after spotting my illness they did nothing to prevent it from spiraling out of control which it shortly did i had a useless councillor who would stare at me in silence for an hour every week once she broke it to ask if i drank chocolate milk pretty self explanatory considering i had anorexia my parent and i left each session in tear after politely asking if we could swap councillor the team began bullying my mum they thought we were attacking the councillor i wa seeing this meant they refused to offer me a bed at a residential care and threatened to stop paying for my weekly doctor visit unless i disengaged in seeing a private therapist whom i wa making progress with today i found out my mum s plea to put me into residential care ha been accepted i m scared shitless what worry me most is how much they ll fatten me up i ve read somewhere patient are only released once they ve restored of healthy weight however i m also aware i ll be alone with sick and possibly more malnourished kid than myself five hour away from home i lost it when i heard the news screaming and cry my eye out at my mum who should never deserve to be treated like that she ha done everything she can to keep me alive both her and my younger sister are so sick of me my sister hardly ever speaks to me when she doe it s usually to yell at me for being an idiot and retarded once she even told me she wa embarrassed to go out in public with that me and wished i died of cancer honestly i wish so too especially when i remember how close we used to be i went to my mum after dinner to ask for some support she told me i wa so selfish for continuing to engage in a disordered lifestyle and then taunted me when i said i couldn t drink an additional supplement formula i ve pushed those i love away from me i m so alone and lost i m praying to god i get sick and die because then they wouldn t think i wa doing it for attention or being selfish i m so sorry for the rant but i just don t know what to do,1
i ve been very close yet i ve been postponing for a while on and off to cut thing short i believe i may end up leaving sometime next week there are a few reason why otherwise if i don t i am saving up for my mom to buy me a new ar it ll take about month to get sufficient fund but i am solely using it on myself i already have access to a firearm but i am choosing not to do it now unless i have to because the caliber might not be sufficient enough but yeah no one see the warning sign i may have potential but i can t live up to it i ll always fail i know many people that read this will skip over or not even care i am just putting my thought somewhere no one will probably read it oh well all i know is that i have tried my best my circumstance are holding me hostage from flourishing in this world i am only here to fulfill the need of specific people i am not loved i mean this with everything i m basically here surviving alone trying to keep myself sane under the condition i m under my own interest are impossible to achieve i am a batshit crazy piece of shit disguised a a well mannered average looking tall slim smart person according to them but yeah this is something i have extreme feeling for i truly believe i may end up going through with these plan sometime next week or sometime soon id love to talk to someone about this i ve tried to reach out to friend before about how i ve been feeling and everyone talk to me one time and never check on me again honestly im ready to fuckin get this shit overwith no one give me a fuckin chance literally i m getting fucking exhausted i m tired of this planet i just wish i could feel different at least i m tired help me,1
9 today and i fucked up my life so bad i suffer from some medical problem which ha consumed my marriage pushing my wife away i know she s having a affair because i suffer from ed and must take a pill somehow she hold all that against me we live in the same house but she refuse to go to counseling let s face a fact we were both not always so kind to each other for year thing started getting better a couple year ago or so i though can t sleep can t eat ha been well over a month without rem sleep i get maybe a couple hour then wake up for hour doze off for another about my body is tired my mind is tired i just want this to end the only way i know how trying some sleeping pill w muscle relaxer even going to take higher dose of insulin to put me out she s in another room so won t know till morning if best,1
almost every day i get intrusive thought to kill myself i m having a perfectly normal day and then one thing happens and i immediately start thinking about how i should just die i just turned in february and i wa planning to do it before i turned now i m planning to do it before i m an adult i can t go into a store without going into the tool isle and looking at the dollar rope i can t stop thinking about it right now i m on a school trip in fucking hawaii for god sake music festival and all my classmate are having the time of their life but i wa sitting alone trying to stop myself from cry on the bus now i m in my hotel and the only friend those friend fucking got in a group without me so i m in a room with sophomore that i don t even know my class they all begged me to come here on the school trip for month before we came here but i didn t want to because i thought i would be dead by now now that i think about it hawaii would be a good place to end it my room in the hotel ha a balcony we ll see if i use it this week before i leave also i have derealization all of these thing make me want to just leave this world for good there s more thing to but i don t wan na talk about it,1
i moved i cut off my toxic friend i made new one i got a new job got a new boyfriend im going back to school in the fall im in recovery from my eating disorder i ve done everything i could to stop these thought of killing myself i don t believe medication could help me at this point i ve been on three different one now like six different therapist a well i think im destined to die by my own hand maybe people like me weren t meant to live long and i think im starting to accept that i feel like i ve been dying for so long it feel like an eternal fall that i ve been trying to regain my balance from my whole life but there s no stopping it now i wa doomed from the start,1
since i wa a child i ve battled depression my first suicide attempt wa when i wa because according to my religion you re not liable for your sin until you reach maturity or puberty so i figured i m and miserable so if i end it all now i won t have to go to hell drank a bottle of tylenol and ended up in a hospital getting my stomach pumped and swallowing charcoal in college i met the love of my life we understood each other on a level nobody would understand we both had issue hers wa that she wa molested by her father we were both fucked up and our relationship turned very very toxic we d break up and get back together all the time and her family never liked me because i wa a year younger than her they wanted someone ready to take her in and provide her with everything the last time we broke up after year of being together she swallowed a bunch of pill and stopped breathing she turned blue ambulance wa called they resuscitated her but she stayed in a coma doctor tried to get the family to pull the plug because they said she s brain dead and even if she did wake up she wouldn t be the same i stayed by her side the whole time or a much a her family would let me she stayed plugged in and month later she woke up couldn t speak or feed herself or do anything she wa like a newborn baby she went through therapy but couldn t get all her function back she s still in a wheelchair her body shake uncontrollably so she can t feed herself seeing her like this broke me down in piece i couldn t see her like this and one day i left and never looked back i still feel a lot of blame for this i tried to have other relationship but they never work i m 0 now and live with my younger brother not talking to my other two brother or my father don t really have much to live for i have a problem with opioid prescription pill the only way i get any type of relief but it s an expensive habit since i only use prescription pill my mother who wa never really there for me or my brother growing up she wa always dating other men because she couldn t stand my father ha recently broke up with her latest husband and came to live with me and my younger brother she s a drama queen who s always miserable and make me and everyone else around miserable with her i have a decent career with decent money but no goal really i recently bought a few gram of heroin since i figured it would probably be the best way to go dying high a fuck in pure bliss i m just shit scared of being resuscitated and ending up in a wheelchair like my ex or being reincarnated into someone living in a third world country or even hell i made my mom promise not to resuscitate me if anything were to happen to me i m just not happy i have nothing to look forward to in my future i m thinking maybe i ll just take on the heroin habit without the intention to die and hope i accidentally od some day i mean it happens like every 0 second in my country i tried antidepressant and they work to help my mood sometimes but if you really have nothing to live for there s no cure for that i also just lost my job so perfect timing for that i don t even have the desire to look for another one i wish i could just sleep and not wake up,1
i used to always think the answer to life wa living i really did but this thing called living is abhorrently cruel all that run through my mind is why would anyone else do it they must know the answer to something i don t they must know that the only thing separating them from everyone else is the collective knowledge possessed to follow through it is such a deep and passionate act that in reality the act itself is the meaning of life the meaning of life is to die,1
i am trying so hard to survive but my mind is so much stronger than my body is all i m asking for is a break from this constant cycle it s just not worth fighting anymore,1
life isn t good i opened up to some people but i fear they are planning to put me in a psych ward my shift is ending soon and i m in a corner here there s no point in elaborating further,1
you re so strong you re being so brave you re not alone you matter i we they love you doe hearing these constantly repeated empty phrase actually help anyone all it ever doe for me is drive the spike deeper into my heart and make me want to end my life all the more,1
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,1
two of my friend are fighting and both of them are depressed lmfao and one of them is lashing out and yk hurt people hurt people lmfao and all that shit and the other one is different and it s weird and seems to have given up and i m worried and it s self sabotaging of myself to want to help them but is it bad to do that and every time i try to help someone i end up neglecting myself and ik that it will probably happen again btu do i even care anymore i ve always wanted to be the best i ve always had to be the best i had to be perfect but now idk i just don t care if i m mediocre if i don t get everything right and that d be good actually lmfao like being more self forgiving but no i think i m just depressed like i ve always been but shit idk everything s piling up and i m scared and i want a way out and the way out that i thought i had doesn t seem to be working so god idk sometimes i just want to pop some pill and just fucking die wouldn t that be better like sure some people care about me here but they d get over it right haha look at me i just don t care anymore it s so weird how much i ve changed i used to hate the idea of suicide because everyone who loved me would be hurt but now they d just get over it wouldn t they lmfao i m overdramatic sorry this post is all over the place,1
trigger warning self harm hello i m a 0 year old male and have bipolar i i wa recently diagnosed but knew for year i wa bipolar i just never had the courage to actually seek help due to the stigma i ve been on one medication already lamictal that back fired on me and i m hesitant but desperate to go on something else to help with the severe depression and suicidal ideation i ve never had thought of self harming but last night i started to and it s only intensifing i scratched my arm raw earlier and i hate to even say that i m ashamed i fear i ll use a sharp object next and that scare me most of all because i don t trust myself to stop once i start i need someone to talk to i have no friend and my life is pure hell,1
everyday is just grey i can only rot in bed all day nothing and no one can help it s over it s just over i give up i can t handle this anymore,1
i m a yo guy and i want to die i feel like a bad person i have like friend and i never hangout with them other than school i have a gf and i love her with all my heart but i know she could do better not to be cocky or anything but i m probably top smartest in my school of 00 i will probably go to a decent college and have a lot of life ahead of me i just feel tired with life though i think i might be mentally ill i ve fallen into this personality of being the crazy person of the group i hate silence because then i think about how much i hate myself i say or ask random stuff to end the silence that make me seem retarded i don t smoke or do drug and not on any medication but i wa thinking last night that the way i want to die is an overdose i work in fast food and some of the people i talk to at work are drug dealer and i think they would sell to me i ve thought it through and maybe i buy multiple non lethal quantity and then use them all at once i ve been more depressed than usual this last week i do football and wrestling and it s the off season right now so i should have gone to an off season wrestling practice my gf knew i wa doing this the only time i m really happy is when i m around her i needed to see her so i skipped practice to hangout with her she wa already with her girl friend and i didn t want to be a jerk and just come out and say i need to be with you tonight i think is the limit im always horny it s all i think about and my gf rarely want to have sex because she wa molested in her sleep twice by a family friend she still sometime see this last week i kinda learned if i keep asking her she will give in we were in my basement tonight and cuddling when i tried to finger her i did not force her i asked multiple time for consent she let me do it and gave me a handjob we both finished and i said do you want to go to the park where we usually have car sex she said yes so we went it wa still kinda light out so we went to target and walmart and walked around she showed me this lego set she wanted for herself i wa having a great time when we got in the car she said she didn t want to have sex anymore i wa extremely disappointed because she got my hope up i did not force her though she said she wa sick of me always talking about sex i replied saying it s the only thing i can ever think about she got mad and we sat in silence for a bit she asked to go home but i begged her to stay out for another hour until our curfew she agreed and went went to mcdonald s for sprite i apologized probably time about it saying i ll be better i know she could do better than me but i can t bring myself to break up with her she say she only want me but i want her to be happy with someone that would treat her better i ve decided to finally go to sleep and let her move on but the important part is her period is day late right now she might be pregnant neither of u believe in abortion if she is pregnant i plan on staying alive and supporting it if she s not i m going to buy her the 00 lego set she doesn t want me to buy for her i m gon na overdose after that i think i will write her a note saying sorry and it s not her fault one to the school and friend asking them to make joke about it and one to my 0 yo brother to say sorry and leave him everything i own xbox and 000 in my bank sorry this wa so long,1
i want to end it so badly now everything in my life is pain if it is not my own mind tearing me to piece it is how people treat me and people like me i can t take this life i have no real friend i am a stranger to my family i work so hard to eek out some sort of life but all i have is a dinky apartment that i don t leave very often because i can t afford to do anything i fucking hate my existence every day stupid shit happens that have greater consequence example i wa getting in bed and my knee bumped my nightstand which launched oz of water on my router and soaked the bottom of the computer i have thrown a lot of money and effort into i don t even know if it will turn on anything i put effort into always get destroyed everyone i love always leaf life is a pointless never ending nightmare tomb with only one way out i want the fuck out of this hell,1
not even a god damn crisis line want to help me well fuck me then i m done i can t deal with this pain anymore it s too much for me so many people have it so much worse but i can t get through my stupid little bull shit i m such a fucking coward i m sorry but i m done with this shit,1
some are born to sweet delight some are born to endless night guess i wa born to endless night it just prof that some people were born to suffer and suffer more than most people not for joy that s why normies can t understand u the people in this sub they only think we are lazy ignoring our suffering and lot of mental problem and tell u to cheer up suicide is selfish our life are great it get better you are ungrateful lol i just want to quit the game not being attacked by some ignorant folk i don t need these lie or false hope my problem can t be cured and i know it thank you very much,1
i m not even in highschool about to be but i m not and i wan na fucking kill myself it s all from dumb bullshit me being ugly having a crush on a girl everyone hate so i have to pretend to hate her or i get beat up i don t even want to do this because my brain say that i need to get rid of all emotion when i get sad my brain go don t do that you dont have any good reason to be sad when i m happy my brain go you don t have any reason to be happy i m only allowed to be angry and tired and i m tired so fucking tired i shouldn t be this fucking depressed to the point of wanting to km i m not even in fucking highschool i feel like i m stripping others from attention they need because i convince myself that my depression doesn t matter there s so much going on constantly that i wan na blow my head off not to km but to get rid of all the bullshit going on i don t want to explain all of it but deep down i know i need to i don t wan na tell anyone this because of so many many reason i can t even get into that it s just fucking bullshit i wan na just make a video saying fuck you to my school and i love you to my mom and then km,1
just the same old stuff going on for year i feel like i m not good enough for anyone and it make me feel inferior and le than everyone else,1
so struggled with suicidal symptom have had a lot of suicide attempt in the past year but have been getting better within the last two year so improving slowly well i wa until my bf of month broke up with me last week and i can t deal with the guilt of knowing i pushed him away with my anxiety ptsd and depression the pain of heartbreak is too much rn and a foolish a it sound it s very hard to take,1
this world is honestly a dark place filled with narcissistic people i hate everyone i really really do i hate the smile and laughter of others the only people i can care about are my family and other people i can empathize pain and just overall depression with people have honestly just dragged me down to a dip hole that i have dug myself along with them and honestly that hole is almost foot i can t stand almost anyone my mother and some of her family but most other people i just hate for no reason and i suppose it s the hate the world ha given me and also the way it just is now people so self invested in themselves that empathy is being fully replaced will narcissism i have almost nobody to talk to it stress my mom out i know it doe and i don t like to talk to other family because they tell my mom and it worry her and my few friend never take me or my mental health seriously i am a human but i have been treated like some type of animal or someone from another planet i have minor autism and am also a schizo not schizophrenic i am a schizo which are a little different so people think differently of me i also used to be such a happy and funny guy when i wa younger but a i got older people got meaner and i got more sad because i wa treated differently and had random people telling me they hate me or don t like me in school and some i didn t even know i admit i wa a little off the wall back then but it wa mental issue and people gave me more than i already had my hate for the world is strong so strong that i honestly believe i deserve better than this fucked up hateful intolerant world i just want peace paradise some type of better afterlife this world is going to end soon and we all deserve a bitter end so even if i don t kill myself at least i can see the world end and all of u get the chaos and destruction we deserve we have brought hate and destruction to our own home earth they say we are one big happy family but the reality of earth is that we are one big dysfunctional toxic family a family that kill each other and are each other s biggest enemy along with each other a family that ha lost it s moral a time go on a family that ha little love to give and more hate what have we done to the world and ourselves right is wrong and wrong is right my point of all of this is that is human are nothing but garbage on this earth we don t recycle some of u are treasure to some some of u are thrown out and forgotten about and some of u are littered and left to blow in the wind until we are picked up one day or are forgotten a well in the end i hate the world it is my biggest cause of depression and that s how i know my depression will never end because the world keep on going and when it doe end i end with it so the way i see it is my depression will go on a long a the world go on or until i m forgotten about like a piece of garbage or i m one of the piece of junk that is treasure to others lately i have been severely depressed more depressed than i have been in a long long long time and i just want some people to know that this world eats you alive and some of u have to accept being junk or treasure the world is a dark and hateful place and idk if i ll see a light one day or an even more dark place i wish you all the best in this dark lonely world a lot of u will never become treasure and will always be junk,1
i ve had this thought for several year now and i can t break out of my thought i hope you guy would understand me venting here i have no friend well i have friend who always seem to be busy around me but not around others pandemic didn t help with my loneliness i am extremely lonely i might be going crazy the thought struck me when i realized that if i were to kill myself in my home literally no one would notice me being gone what s the point of living on i am only passive suicidal but i am worried my thought would one day consume my entire body and drive me to kill myself in fact i wa very close to actually committing suicide a few day ago i tried calling the hotline and wa not helpful i can not afford to go to get proper help i m sorry i hope you guy weren t bothered too much reading this somebody please help me please,1
almost jumped off a bridge the past two night i don t have the energy to walk to it rn but sitting in my bathroom with all my pill i m so tired i don t want to leave my cat and have him stuck with my body but i m so tired and tempted,1
at this point i m just tired of living and i miss my old life i used to have a happy family with just me my mom and my dad then they had a kid 0 day later my dad dy of stage colon cancer he already had crohn s disease so i wasn t that surprised then my life slowly sank over the next decade my friend started to become toxic and my new stepdad hated me i got used to it recently i met this girl in school and i really like her we ve been talking a lot and i think she like me but i also keep having these dream that feel like lifetime these dream are about different people i know and they get to be so emotional i get attached to some random people i barely know and develop a life with them like a full blown 0 year of life these dream emotionally hurt me so much because then i develop feeling for these people in some of these dream i have kid and defend them emotionally from harmful family member it s stupid but it make me want to kill myself i just don t know what to do anymore i have these dream endlessly and i cry after every single one every single night i just had one about a random girl in my school i dated her and had a kid and everything i have to hide my emotion from my family every time i see them i just want to die and be done,1
i have a plan that should 00 work for me it ll be sometime in april i just want everything to be over with i m not doing any of my work anymore i m not going to school and i have never done that before i m at an all time low and i m sick and tired of this constant hurt constant pain and hurting others i cant do this anymore man i wish my last attempt worked why didn t it i cant fucking take this anymore i just want to go i want to die i cant stop cry and hurting myself in multiple way i m done i m tired of this i don t see myself ever living a happy life and i don t think i want to i cant i m sorry,1
my boyfriend and i broke up recently he say to not count on u getting back together it hurt so much now my only hope in life is that this cut is truly infected and that it kill me i don t want to hear the it get better stuff nothing will life ha always been hard for me and losing him is too much to handle don t know why i m posting i guess i just want someone to make the tear go away so i can sleep and hopefully never wake up,1
just need someone to talk to whether you re listening to me or i m listening to you too,1
i ve come to the realization that i am without a doubt suicidal but at the same time my life ha been more or le defined by suicide and i know all too well what it doe to the people close to you and because of that i know that i ll never go through with it some background i m year old and my first brush with suicide wa when my father hung himself when i wa i doubt i ever really healed from that and is still such a formidable age i thought i wa doing okay but the last couple of year have taken a toll i m also an iraq veteran i deployed in 0 0 and in the last year of the guy i served with have committed suicide the most recent being week ago it doesn t get easier i guess what i m really getting at is i feel like now i m just in a run out the clock situation with life i have no motivation for anything i don t really enjoy anything and i just don t want to be here anymore but i won t put anyone that i love through the pain that i ve felt and continue to feel is there anyone that is ha been in this frame of mind is there anything i can do to get out of it is this it thank you for reading much love m,1
sorry jumbled post a my mind is running a million mile an hour monday night my husband wa in a fatal accident i literally can not carry on without him he wa everything plus this year ha already been shitty we were trying for a baby and miscarried we always used to talk about dying and promised each other to die at the same time kind of a a joke but also very serious it wa our way of saying i can t live without you the plan wa to do it at 0 but we are 0 year too early now i need to get through the funeral and get his ash to his family and then i think it s time to go,1
i hate when people tell me i am so strong or brave i definitely don t feel like it i wish i wasn t i wish i could just end it for good i don t want to keep being strong so that i can just keep suffering it just make me feel like a coward honestly,1
i cant stop myself from purging my meal even when i know i m day away from dying,1
it s so tiring to keep going i just can t stand it anymore i wish it all would end,1
every day i wake up and it s the same a yesterday i cry my eye out for hour and go back to sleep knowing i have to live another day is absolutely awful i just want to die my best friend wa put in a mental institution because he tried to kill himself and i m not allowed to see him the last thing he said wa that he knew about my suicidal thought and told me to do better than him my girlfriend doesn t know but she s the only person in my life right now because my entire family disowned me because i m non binary and she is the only reason i m still around and i m doubting if even she still like me because i just cry and cry and the gun in my neighbour cabinet is looking more and more tempting and i m now curious what death feel like and i envy my brother who shot himself a year and a half ago he wa the only family member i had that still loved me everything is bullshit,1
i m been feeling useless my anxiety increase everyday i overthink so much i am overwhelmed almost every day no enjoyment in small thing always accepting what is not good or best for me i ve lost interest in doing anything i m such an obstacle to every person around me i want to die badly i want a their life without me i want them to forget me so much that they don t know me i want to push people away i ve only been burdening them i want to give my life to someone who still want to live i ve been feeling like this since highschool this actually begin since i wa a child i wa never afraid to die it only became much worst since year ago i ve seen many death elder and young one two of my elementary classmate die at early age that i want to trade my life badly but i am lucky that i have not been feeling regret ever since childhood i m such a complicated person please don t try to understand me only after reading this post like i said i m such a complicated person i m only writing this stuff because i want to but what give people don t actually understand this kind of mindset it s not like they care i really want to disappear i really want to die just this one simple request that can never be given to me i guess i just have to make it happen,1
these few day my mother ha been telling me how much of a disappointment i am and i totally agree with her i only bring bad energy in the house and i always mess something up for the year i ve been alive i haven t made positive impact on my mother life or society i wan na die,1
i ve made multiple post of this same topic a a way to seek help wherever i can i have no desire to be alive anymore everyday i wake up i think of way of taking my life because i have lost every single friend who wa ever important to me i am year old black non passing transwoman who decided to begin transitioning at i ve gotten to the point of getting my name changed but now i feel that it may have all been a mistake it s not that i feel like i m not trans anymore but that i can no longer take the pain and judgment of being trans i wa taking seven pill a day with hormone and had a huge increase in emotional irregularity anxiety and stress i embarrassed myself in several way to friend that i valued and after two month of reckless sex and drug abuse i found everyone around me pushing me away it s been six month since my last suicide attempt and everyday i wake in pain of missing my friend a i relive all the thing that happened i just want to end it all i want to try to repair the friendship but a large part of me feel thing may never be the same again i also want to just move on but the guilt i feel may live inside me forever i really don t know what to do at this point,1
third post on this subreddit from this account most day are anxiety inducing i spend the majority of my life in my bed no job struggling to complete my coursework or even just to take a shower a of the last year these day that i have struggled with since i wa ten have become many and far in between i wake up dreading the fear that the day will bring the argument the pain and the inevitability of my own suicide i know one day the suffering will be too much to bear and without doubt i will hurt many people i have felt for month that day is getting closer than ever a few day when the argument subside and i feel a little more hopeful about where my life is going i am filled with a passion and love for everything about life that i hate i want to strive to get a job get my license succeed in college again reach out to people and take care of myself in way that i can t bear to do usually i still have hope i crave to escape the hole that i am in but it feel inescapable whenever i try to turn my life into something more positive i am met with another detrimental setback that put me at square one all over again it make me fear being happy because i know those period will only last a few day at most i feel so desperate to not feel miserable i really don t want to die but i am sick of this cycle i see other people so content in loving relationship with family and i crave it so badly i feel helpless to my own circumstance and i am unsure of how to get better,1
i can t do this anymore i genuinely can t it s gotten to the point where everything is too difficult and i want to quit i have severe panic attack when i can t cut deep enough i just relapsed and it wasn t even worth it the cut weren t deep enough it doesn t even matter i don t want to be here anymore it s just an endless cycle of nonstop difficulty every night it s the same thing the day seem to blend together what doe it matter anymore if i m here the world will still turn i ve never made that much of a difference who would even care i m exhausted please let me rest,1
it seems like it s just who how i am that s making me this miserable i ve tried it all it just seems hopeless,1
how do you get over it,1
i attract awful people into my life because i myself am an awful person i m not oblivious to the fact that i m flawed i keep going back and forth on wether i should become a better person because everyone that ha ever done anything great wa actually a monster with sharp fang the duality of life in human consciousness often torment me and i always feel pulled in either direction causing me to have suicidal thought i try to be good people pick me apart and peel my scab i give into darkness and the universe reward me with earthly delight while my soul weeps the price is the concept of becoming a better person just used to keep u all docile i yearn to return to my eternal sleep but i have these idea that life is worth living simply because the other side is where we go when we do not dream nothing no thing even now i can not decide whether i want to live or die which just go to illustrate the main point of this post this life is a mess of confusion the emphasis on being a good person make me feel like shit for the person i am yet assimilation look to me like narcissistic delusion no good deed go unpunished the path to hell is paved with good intention is the only to bring true good into this world through evil fuck having a brain,1
i tried several time to write a suicide note but i kept giving up because i realized im actually going through with it so what doe it matter lol im going to be dead ill never love or feel again not that i ever really felt anything anyway lol i ate some orange chicken and rice and some granola bar with frosting lmao and some mandatory energy drink of course i watched some high school dxd and lit some paper on fire now im listening to obscure hex cult music from brazil staring at the wall i can feel the noose in my closet waiting for me im coming sweetheart dont worry just want to throw something into the void first lol i tied it up and everything already put my head in twice it itchy a fuck lol plus it throwing weird rope dust everywhere idk lol shoutout to spaceghostpurrp and domd and hi c and evaboy and idk lol we out fr lmao goodbye to every human being on earth and every animal and anything that ever hurt inside hopefully we all find love in the end,1
i wish i could end all these exhaustion there is no way to fix my situation and thing are getting worse day by day,1
im sorry im so fucking sorry i don t know why i act this way im so fucking angry and im so fucking sad that it hurt but i wish you would understand why i act the way i do im sorry i feel so sick i wish i never met my abuser i wish i could just act how i should i wish i didn t treat everyone like shit im manipulative im awful im terrible im disgusting i deserve to bleed out im sorry please i would beg for your forgiveness but i know i d just end up doing it again if you were my friend again i can t stop cutting myself i can t finish my food i can t stop cry i am so sad i am so tired it hurt it hurt so bad i deserve the karma i am going to get for treating ppl this way,1
i m just so scared of the future i m making specific scenario of me getting hurt by someone i love and each time it usually end up with me wanting to or actually killing myself i say i don t want to kill my self at the moment but what about the future,1
there too much evidence too many coincidence to many alignment god is on my side when i say that i m supposed to die of suicide and i am the only person who ha the decide whether or not i deserve to die i can justify it too,1
my life is meaningless im a junior in high school don t know what i wan na do when i grow up my whole friend group is senior who all are leaving me and moving away to knew college they don t know this but their quite literally the only reason im even alive right now they give me motivation to wake up in the morning the day im alone and don t see them im always just depressed it s almost like their my medicine i just know once i finally move away to be on my own im going to end my life so i just would rather not delay the inevitable i don t even think my friend would care that much they ve already told me thing about killing my self a a joke not knowing the state im in and it s really not their fault i know their just joking and that they mean no harm by it it s just that im obviously fucked up in the head i sometimes would just rather wish that i d get into a almost deadly car accident that wasn t my fault just so i can maybe appreciate life more id also like to know how my friend and love one would react to see if they d actually care i think about this a lot when im driving and it tends to make me speed and drive recklessly i just want a reason to live honestly,1
feeling really cynical about it my life is a fucking mess been two week i don t sleep getting crazier and crazier everyday but don t have any room for taking care of myself because of a 0h week study contest to come and even my weekend being splitted between people i need to see right now just thinking i ll kill myself after all these contest if i don t blow up before then taking rest is a no no i have diagnosed disability that my teacher don t care about dying seem like my only escape and comforting thought,1
hello all i am m and i have come here to share something that ha been bothering me for a lot of year now i hate they way i look i did not win the genetic lottery by any mean and it make we wana kill myself to be honest i have never been on a date and never had a girlfriend yea you can laugh it s all cool look do matter and it s the truth this personality matter thing is all bullcrap people are attracted towards good looking people especially woman it feel really sad and lonely to be unloved realising that i will never have a loved one or even if i do she might cheat on me because of the way i look is unbearable i barely have anyone to talk to i thought i would share this here i wish i die in my sleep that s all i wish for each day,1
ha oh god i don t know why i m laughing so much i think if i could feel anything i would be scared i m laughing and i m cry i don t know what to do i think my friend is suicidal scrap that i know they are and the problem is i m kind of suicidal too i see no point in life but i ve become sort of stuck in a rut of repressed emotion for a while i feel nothing so i have no desire to do anything let alone to kill myself but i m worried they do they said they would see me tomorrow so i don t think they re going to do it tonight they said they want to but they see no point because they always fail i don t know what to do i cant ask for help for them because i promised confidentiality and i know the pain of that trust being broken i can t do that to them that is not an option i know they re safe for tonight the only problem is i don t know how to make them feel better or if i can i m terrible at comforting people at the best of time and now i m half asleep and i think i m a little triggered for context my dad used to always tell me he wa going to kill himself if i left him and he would detail how worthless he wa and way he would kill himself and sometimes he would sh and almost attempt in front of me a well a me being suicidal myself on multiple occasion so it s a touchy subject i don t need people telling me to call the police or tell anyone else i need advice on how to make them feel better i can t bear the thought of one of my friend feeling how i feel or rather how i ve felt it s fucking torture and they do not deserve that shit they said they can t talk because they feel like an attention seeker and i tried to reassure them but i m crap at it please i m begging you give me some advice something i can do to make them feel better the thought of them in pain is agonising they don t deserve that i just need some idea on what to do what to say please,1
i am feeling too depressed to type much my brain and body are so slow it s like they re shutting down i am just so tired of feeling this way i want it to stop so badly,1
fuck it s just perfect torture god i could not make it any better myself honestly i give credit to those torturing me y all made me just perfectly susceptible for this shit in my hell odd why a god make a person a he device their hell why make them in the first place and why make them do what you would punish them for this post like everything will not help but if get the stuff off my mind,1
i have no one i m alone that s why abuser target me no one care about me if i had someone that wouldn t happen,1
my last post goodbye,1
headed out to a state with lax gun law considering buying an over under in cash at a walmart with a box of 00 the thought keep running through my mind i fantasize and visualize how i will do it and where to not be found i m probably gon na throw away all my unsightly possession tomorrow before i head out i am suffering,1
anybody just let me know i m here to listen and meet new people,1
i highly expect to get a lot of pushback on this one but hear me out for year i ve been in a horrible mental space with no hope of getting out the way i see it i never consented to being here i no longer desire to live on this planet and i m scared to do the deed myself a far a i m concerned either my mom or dad should be required to take me out since they re the one who brought me into this world fin,1
i ve been trying to find a day best to off myself i wa being cautious of my family s birthday and holiday and my birthday seems to fit perfectly in the timeline a to not ruin their coming day i just don t see the point in life honestly what is the point in living i m too depressed to practise to go to lesson to take care of myself to do anything and even if i wasn t too depressed to do these thigs what is the fucking point do you know how humiliating it is when people see potential in you but you re too fucking depressed to try it make me even more depressed knowing im a wasted potential look at me now gloating about this shit this is why i hate myself honestly my birthday is the worst day of the year for me i absolutely despise it but knowing i can plan my death for my birthday is indescribably peaceful i hate how even the thing i used to enjoy doing are a chore everything is just a fucking chore typing this is a fucking chore i hate the fact that the one person who wa preventing me can t even give me doubt now depression just build onto itself it build and tower and then it fucking collapse on you,1
i had so many suicidal thought last night while i wa driving to try to make myself feel better i thought drowning is scary but i can go put my car in the river and drown then i went well let s look up to see what medication we have that might do it i m just so tired i ve tried so many different medication at this point i do therapy nothing ha worked i m still holding onto a little sliver of hope thing won t always be this way maybe one day i can keep my house clean all the time maybe one day i won t be so stressed and anxious maybe one day i ll be able to stay consistent and do well at my job if feel like it s further and further away i also just believe i m a total fucking failure at and discredit all the thing i ve done because it s just not good enough to me i don t know how to stop the negative self talk oh and i m also sometimes hearing voice lately sometimes i know they re not there real other time they sound like they re right next to my window or in my house i really wish i could just not exist for a week or a month why can t i just shut it all fucking off for a while i even just had a nice date with my partner and i m already back to thinking well i should still kill myself soon,1
i hate myself this probably sound cringey but i do i hate myself my friend call me fat a a joke and id like to take it a a joke but i can t i can t i can t i can t i feel like they hate me i have no evidence they do but i hate myself i m worthless i can t even describe myself without wanting to kill my self all my friend are either small and skinny or lanky i m chubby but they make me feel awful they joke about me behind my back i have a true friend well i hope he s true that tell me this even though i ask him to do it i don t want after each joke i hear i want to die i can t tell anyone that would rope them into my mess and i m probably the least suspecting person to think this because i ve been faking a smile for year since i wa 0 at 0 year old i wanted to die hate myself i don t know who to blame but me i m useless i had a failed suicide attempt at age at fucking i tried to slit my own wrist i m only here because i love my parent and my dog but a soon a they die i have nothing but my own thought which i feel like are against me,1
not sure why i m doing what i m doing not sure why i m writing this it feel like there s no point in doing anything i am not happy currently and i will not have a future so why do i do anything i try to push all my problem to the back of my mind but that doesn t fix anything i still question what the point of doing anything is i m so happy i defeated this super hard bos in this game but what greater purpose doe defeating that bos have what greater purpose doe completing a video game have fundamentally i do not enjoy life so all i m doing by playing game is distracting myself it doesn t matter if said game i played add to my knowledge or expands my worldview because i know i will kill myself in the future right now i m just on autopilot for year i ve tried not to think about my problem and had hope that thing would get better but i had false hope thing haven t gotten better there s only a slim chance thing will ever get better i wish i realised this sooner maybe the fact people keep repeating that one generic line thing will get better wa why i believed they would now i ve learned hope is nothing but a coping mechanism im just so frustrated that my consciousness wa ever brought into existence why couldn t i have stayed in the void now i see no point in doing anything i m just floating here unsure of what direction to go in i m unsure if there is any point in watching a movie letalone making any meaningful decision i m stuck in limbo i told myself i d wait this year out at least but i m starting to see there s really no point in prolonging the inevitable so why am i here writing this not sure what this will do not sure about anything,1
long story short i haven t been feeling well for the past two week i think it s a depressive episode the day befroee yesterday i wa already damn done with life but yesterday wa my final straw i have only seriously had suicidal thought time in my life and have never wanted to do actually do it before i have a fear of death but yesterday wa horrible i wa actively searching for stuff to kill me and a i expected my family s first reaction is to scold me saying that even during school holiday they have to worry about my as and i m not even in school right now what do i have to be suicidal about they just straight up scolded me did not give a fuck otherwise it s been a day and idk everyone s pissed at me and i m at my wit end i m actively asking to be hospitalised but the people who actually ha the authority to do that are too pissed at me to want to do that and complaining about how it cost so much to go u are hurting all of u what happens if it s in the record for the rest of your life first of all what life my whole life my family dynamic is fucking bullshit it s not abusive or even manipulative it s just that no one communicates with each other probably because we know when we do fighting will ensue so no one talk to one another idk what i can do all the time the rule change all the time idk how to talk to them idk what they want from me this cycle is just gon na continue until day i eventually snap at them or snap at myself if i snap at them i m gon na get scolded i knew the only reason they would actually not scold me is if i actually did it but i know if i did it i would have let them won and i will most likely survive and i hate that only if i actually did it would they actually care about me i do not know what i ll do for the next few day and i don t trust myself i actually wan na go to the hospital but no one let me for fuck sake idk what to do anymore,1
i will eventually give up i know whoever reading this doe not care so don t comment anything unless you are absolutely inclined to after i die i will ask god to destroy my spirit and make it a if i never existed i hate anything having to do with existing everything that it brings the people the negativity the bullying it just nonstop i wish to have never experienced this life or anything having to do with it this life is inherently evil and whoever made me wanted all the bad thing to happen to me i guess i will just row out to sea and wait for a storm or tie my leg to a boulder and drop 00 foot to ocean floor anything anything i got ta do to get off this shit i will go out of my way to cause my life to end,1
surely just hanging there being asphyxiated by the rope will kill you eventually if the above mentioned thing don t happen,1
i m so tired of the pain hating myself and having no future i cant do this anymore,1
i feel like i just need to have a long long chat with one person about how i feel constantly i m not in crisis or anything i just want to know what s going on in my head so i can stop my self destructiveness because i don t even know what i do to mentally kill my self thank you,1
yeah so basically me and my bf both have been in a very good relationship for about a year and month and we were just texting like we normally do every night and he told me that he s suicidal and think about hurting himself a lot how do i deal with this information how can i help him he already said he doesn t want to go to therapy since that would require him telling his parent and i assume he s really embarrassed about it so what can i do to help him i ve never had to deal with anything like this before so i have no idea,1
life just fucking suck i hate everything but above anything else the most i hate is religion i cant help it but say that i do not understand religion and their concept guess what i had to be born in a religious family fuck yeah because of that i am constantly threatened by religious friend and family looking at me like i am a disgusting being constant physical abuse by my mother just because i disagree with their belief i never wa disrepectful to them i just hoped that i could be free and decied wetehr or not follow the religion but no my mother is more worried of what other family member think of her so she try to force me to not reject religion or else my family will think that she is a bad mother and look down on her my family is a fucking joke this is not my only reason that made me start having suicidal thought i am a teenager male so i unfortunately still depend of my mother but that doe not matter because i decided that after finishing uni i will kill msyelf i am weak i cant even handle a full time job i have no realistic goal i have no ambition and even le motivation to do anything it seems i am not suitable fort this world so the only thing i am able to do is fuck this shit i give up i am not strong enough and i know it is pathetic and cowardly yes you are right i am a fucking coward piece of scum so please kill me already,1
what are some thing i should get in order before i go i d like to either sell or toss most of my thing plan on paying off the little debt i have writing goodbye making sure nobody see anything traumatic what are some thing one would do or not do before death not looking for help or pitty just something i might be forgetting thanks,1
nothing is worse than this,1
is anyone there maybe someone just up to talk i haven t had a hug since i wa a kid do anyone care about me lately my medication is weak or not working i just had cocaine and more medication i dont care too much anymore anyone up for a chat or something or not probably let hope the big nothing is better will it be good enough to od edit cool so did sme reading itll probably suffice sorry y all this will be it let hope probably here for a bit more until i sign off amp x 00b edit cheer i canceled my plan with my friend tomorrow based on some thread like http www reddit com r ama comment oa pdz i overdosed on antipsychotic yesterday ama http www reddit com r ama comment oa pdz i overdosed on antipsychotic yesterday ama http www reddit com r youshouldknow comment emqvvk ysk overdosing on antidepressant is not easy or http www reddit com r youshouldknow comment emqvvk ysk overdosing on antidepressant is not easy or or others all i need is a good day and not be found maybe i wake up later for some last word if this is it please enjoy with me frans listz little bell a k a la campanella,1
i told them about my suicidal thought and that i don t know how long i would be gone it just got so much easier now the thought of killing myself i mean i originally planned to do it when i wa 9 but thing have changed the thing i wa afraid of wa abandoning my friend now all they all know is that i m taking a break if i just did it they would think i moved on not knowing what actually happened to me thinking that i got better,1
someone i thought loved me my ex fianc of six year just told me i should go kill myself oh and just a few week ago he said i should go hang myself so i guess i can just go do it now clearly everyone in my life will be better off if i just end it all now i finally got confirmation of that oh do it on your birthday so you can go out the same day you came in april 9th is my birthday so i guess it s happening he cheated on me on my birthday last year anyways and knocked that girl up so i guess it s time now i should start preparing and i ve been trying to get rid of all my stuff and give it to friend or donate it anyways my camera are going to my best friend my video game and console can go to my nephew i have another niece or nephew on the way that i won t get to meet but it s ok i guess it s better that way i am giving my clothes to domestic violence shelter and a couple friend i m going to give all my art supply to my best friend too i have ton of unopened canvas and paint i m going to give my book to the library in my hometown i ve got a little over a month i think i can do it then i have a surgery i fought for for over year on the th but there s really no point in doing it now i guess i ll just call them and tell them i back up give my spot to someone who need it my sister ha her gender reveal on the th so i guess that will be my goodbye they won t even know it but i will tell them i love them a lot and in my note i ve written page upon page of apology for being a failure of a daughter and sister hopefully they forgive me i had a long note for my ex fianc but i m not giving one anymore he s far away and my family hate him so there s no guarantee he d get it even if i wanted to i have been wanting to die for year since i wa little i first broke a mirror and cut myself at the age of fucking i ve had nearly ten different attempt i think it s finally time i don t want to live anymore and i finally got permission by someone who claimed to love me that i should just do it so in a way it wa a huge gift from him to say that i am thankful for it it gave me peace i can just do it now and be done with it so honestly awesome i m so relieved,1
i m tired two month clean in hour and yet i am still so hollow i ve driven everyone away i tell myself that it s fine when the suicidal ideation come i tell myself to shut up just one more hour i ll tell myself live another day and maybe you won t fuck it up but i always do maybe i have done some good maybe i m not wholly horrible it s all a lie deep down i know that i am on six attempt to kill myself i m sure this one will be my seventh it s fine,1
ive been suicidal for a long time now ive actually pussied out twice now and no one know i have a s o but because of no free time we only really see each other at school which is not the place to cry every time we try and plan something someone s parent are always there so it s never really safe to just vent alone and my parent are half the problem i face constant pressure for my sport from my mother meaning i barely have free time in fact ive barely been free at all this year with the exception of a few weekend and day in a holiday period even then i m usually busy at some point either the next weekend or every other time in the holiday my father left when i wa five but that s a whole other story the reason he left ha been bothering me for so long and despite how much he talk good about other thing i do he belief that i shouldn t follow any dream and should just become a lawyer and im too scared to talk back a he ha beat me before for littler thing neither of them believe that they are problematic and if i told them they would blame each other which would only make me feel worse every day i get closer to truly killing myself but i don t want to make my friend sad,1
i am just three month away from graduation and couple of week i found i wa gon na get suspended for plagiarism copied a lab report but today it wa confirmed that it s gon na be a year of suspension all that i ve worked is down the drain all of the job offer are worthless everything in my life is ruined now i ve decided to end the painful misery and say my goodbye tonight i hope my family get through this looking for least painful way to kill myself,1
i just wanted to put it out there for after the fact,1
my mood change fast and i don t think i am bipolar a it s usually a reason why my mood change and it can all change in a day like i m in a good mood and then like couple hour past and i just get negative thought and i m down again like i already lost people this year my ex best friend who used to be my best friend like year ago and losing him a a friend this year didn t really hurt a it wa my decision to cut him out of my life he wa a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good the one thing that hurt is losing my sister a we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and ha a lot of friend and she doesn t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though i m the older sibling i m and she s 0 it s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though i have a best friend that is good to me and i am talking to a girl but i m just worried it will end a i m just bad with my emotion probably because of my anxiety i m really not sure how i can get better like sometimes i feel great it feel like euphoric even like i m more hyper talkative and confident but it never last long and then i m just back to my usual mood just being sad depressed and anxious i know somethings wrong with me probably i tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn t really help me i m on an antidepressant a well which ha never worked on me i just take it a it make me sleep i hate living like this i just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that i can stop all the negative thought and i hate it it feel like my life is a mess it s so much effort to get out of my bed and i just hate my life like wtf sometimes i feel like going to thailand and becoming spiritual or something,1
i ve been with my fianc two year we are both trans men in our mid 0 he ha been severely traumatized and ha ptsd for the past year especially after starting a grueling job that take up most of his time he ha become more and more depressed and suicidal he ha a history of multiple attempt i try to encourage him to talk listen and validate distract with humor and cheer and offer way to help i m not perfect and a lot of time i think i just make it worse by doing or saying the wrong thing or just maybe how i am i ve offered to pay for a hospitalization i ve offered to help call for therapist i ve offered to support him with saving so he can quit his job and take some time to heal but he refuse he won t accept any financial help i argue that his health is more important long term than money for the future but he won t accept it he can t trust his family either he oscillates between desperately wanting mental healthcare and mistrusting it due to a totally reasonable reaction to past experience lately it s just been so bad he is so dysphoric and every time he s reminded of his appearance he begin to spiral i can see it tonight he told me it s been the same a long a he can remember that he can t enjoy anything that he think about doing it every minute i listened and tried to comfort him and after a while asked if i can set a day to leave voicemail for some therapist he said i ve been trying to do that for the past two month i said i would sit down with him to help tomorrow and he didn t answer me he looked completely dead inside he told me he wanted to be alone and went to sleep on the couch he is asleep right now i feel like the weight of this is so heavy on me he is such a kind loving smart and beautiful person inside and out the person i want to marry and spend my life with but i feel like that person is disappearing into a void a year ago he had so much life in his eye i have severe adhd and anxiety and also am autistic i struggle a lot with executive functioning and forget important thing constantly i think i might by nature be a bad support though i try my best i probably seem distant and apathetic often i will never give up on him but i m barely capable of managing myself and i know i can t handle this alone i know i should not have to but it is how it is it s really getting to me and i have been becoming extremely depressed myself for the first time in a while we are set to marry in under a year i think delaying the wedding might take stress off but it feel like any major change i suggest would freak him out i just don t know every time he go out alone i m worried i could lose him i make sure not to be overly invasive or anything if i called the hospital or his parent he say it would just make thing worse i m just hoping when this job end in a couple of month he will be able to breathe a little i love him so much and my heart is hurting i m so scared i think he need more friend therapy time to himself and a different job but a much a i ve tried to i can t make that happen for him i feel so lost i just don t know there is no answer,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
i just need to figure out a fool proof plan and figure out how to say goodbye to my friend and family without being suspicious and getting hospitalized again i really don t wan na hurt my loved one but they don t act like they really care anyways i wa living for other people but i have no one anymore so there s not much to live for anymore i have bipolar and borderline personality disorder and my existence is painful day by day i m just posting here basically to get advice because if i do this wrong again and live through it i will hate myself even more also i have tried getting help from any and everywhere that i can and it s still this way i ve lived my year and i m at peace with my choice at this point,1
i don t know what i m doing wrong everyone always leaf me,1
i just took the pill i don t know how many it ll take but i m just going to keep eating them one by one until they re all gone i feel so bad for everyone i hope i really don t fuck up anybody s life by ending mine,1
hi i m m from texas and i d like to talk to someone that feel like they don t belong i d love to do my best to help out anyone and everyone i don t judge and i will happy to talk to anyone and if you so happen to end up having a crush on me then let me know i will always be here to talk to you and i will never leave you to be alone without a damn good reason i don t care who you are or what you are i m straight but that won t stop me from helping everyone out no matter their sexuality i hope that we can become good friend and i d love to maybe meet yall one day i m here for yall to vent to or yell at or just absolutely destroy if you need to just message me and i ll do my best to help you,1
i can t do this anymore the secret the fear that oh no i say something wrong and boom my friend all hate my as i m worried anything i say will tip one of my friend off the edge and she ll do it idk what to do anymore i have a plan but also i m terrified of death,1
i m always so sad i hate who i am i wish i wa never born i wan na kill myself but i get too scared i always regret not going through with it i ll never be happy why do other people get to be happy and confident but i can t i wish someone would push on the train track i purposely stand on the edge so someone would it i really wan na tell someone i know but i don t wan na seem like an attention seeker i don t want then to make a big deal or just not care that ll make me feel worse i try hard not to make it obvious so idk i have every i need to kill myself exit bag but i m just scared i know people say suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem but my problem feel permanent,1
i did it while they were talking in the living room area of our hotel room they talk so much and so loud they didn t even realize i wa in the bathroom dying my attempt failed your body naturally won t let you die this way but whatever i ll try to find another way to kill myself because i m tired of living i want to just die,1
my friend recently tried to kill themselves and i feel responsible in a way i feel like i should ve let them know i want to help i am sitting by the toilet hyperventilating and vomiting with a panic attack and i want to see them please help i give it out too much now i realize i need it,1
hi guy it s late night now here in my time zone i can t shake down the urge to go to the building rooftop and take a leap it s story tall should i do it please tell me a logically sensible suggestion my reason my family got covid 9 the past month but it affected my otherwise healthy 0 year old dad the most within a couple of week of infection including 0 day isolated hospital confinement thing just kept getting worse so he wa moved to another hospital for icu confinement and there went into lung failure doctor decided on intubation thing didn t stop there and currently he is on ecmo in a different hospital it s been about month and he is yet to show any progress i work and used to live alone but recently we all have been together from my fam s side my dad is the only breadwinner and he controlled their finance so naturally i took the heat during his absence a a stopgap running his business for a couple of month paying bill and medical expense food etc i have burnt through all my personal saving sold my cryptos and taken all the possible loan just to stay afloat with the expense this ha made me terribly depressed and made me unable to continue working since last week by the end of this month i can t even pay my dad s insurance premium in that case the policy is gon na lapse because of month of non payment i don t see a way out of this i need about 0k just to cover the due and maybe another 0k for the future expense at this point i can t get out or stop this snowball effect my mom isn t willing to work nor doe she have the experience to work any decent job my si just finished her high school but is trying for a job anyway even if we all work in this place we can t possibly make a dent in the due and expense all of this is taking my self control off i feel like i ll snap and go insane any moment but i and my dad have life insurance policy my dad s policy is just gon na pay 00k if ever on the other hand my head can pay out a quarter million dollar claim it can solve all the problem and save their life i can also get this miserable life to stop hurting me any further i like to think logically philosophically and pragmatically i don t see a better option than this should i do it tldr my healthy 0 year old dad got covid 9 went into lung failure and is currently on maximum life support on ecmo i ve bankrupted myself supporting my fam and am still in need of about 0k or more to settle the due and for further expense i m at the verge of insanity from all the pressure i ve a life insurance worth 0k should i do the deed and let my fam claim the benefit so that they can solve everything and live better life sorry for any bad english thanks in advance,1
why am i this person i love writing reading scholarship academia but each of those field are rightly inaccessible to me i am unintelligent i have nothing to contribute but my work ethic which is practically useless every article and book i read confirms this i wish i could be satisfied with menial work i wish i could let these aspiration go it is ridiculous and self indulgent to pine after thing that are so obviously out of my reach,1
so in the last night i drink a lot nothing not normal for me and then everytime e drunk to much i enter in a spiral of shame i encounter my mother and i felt ashamed because i wa so drunk and my father is a alcoolic i drop a dish and the thing scalated e begun to cry and cut my self with the piece of glass without knowing what i wa doing it happens so many time when i drunk to much i tend to self harm and self heatred i just dont like anymore what my mother see in me im ashemed of myself how dare i put my mother in so much struggle because i wa drunk and begun act of self harm from dropping a dish i will go to a psychologist today i love my mum and everytime e break her heart i cut myself and begun a spiral of mental fog knife amp x 00b help me i love my mom,1
i havent left my house in week i quit my job i spend a good of my day cry i dont know what s happening to me my skin took a complete 0 this year and destroyed any little self confidence i had left ha anyone else felt like this before all i can think about is my skin it taking up my life not only is it unbearable to look at it s painful and itchy and i can not afford a dermatologist looking at myself in the mirror always result in a full blown panic attack i end up hyperventilating on the floor i have cried to the point of vomiting many time i hate that it ha this power over me it s such a silly thing to worry about and i know that but it is absolutely destroying me it is a continuous cycle this constant stress only result in more breakout i feel trapped in my own skin talking about this in real life make me sound vain i wish someone would understand the cry seems to never stop and i havent slept in day now edit this wa not a suggestion for skincare tip for me it is not a simple a diet or hydration it is genetics and hormonal unfortunately,1
i have a lazy eye and am overweight and i have a bowel problem which make me smell even with these attribute i ve managed to fall in love get married and have a daughter but i keep getting this urge since i wa to end it all it doesn t help that my family doesn t want anything to do with me or my child hell my baby is year old and my mother ha yet to see her or even call the shitty part is she life an hour away i keep on thinking what s the point of trying so hard to keep people who don t even want you in their life i love my daughter but i just want ti end it i ve been fighting off and on with my wife over small stuff because i m not home enough i have to travel for work week at a time because we can t afford for me to quit and honestly sometimes it feel like she s just with me because she can stay at home and not work long story short i m tired of trying to keep up the illusion that i m happy the only thing that make me happy is reminiscing about holding my daughter when i m on the road but it s getting harder and harder to keep going,1
i have a like bottle of pill on my counter that are my old antidepressant i don t want to live anymore but i know if i fail i ll be in so much trouble what do i do,1
caused me to choke on my dinner and puke up half a chicken or maybe the chicken wa poisoned how do i know,1
im so tired,1
a miscommunication happened which caused my grade to not appear in the record everyone is blaming me for it calling me a liar saying i didn t go to class they want to expel me i admit it i skip a lot but if i have a test i swallow my tongue and go no one will believe me even with the evidence because i m a bad student and a delinquent i ve been the subject of whole as council meeting because of me being trans which is considered very disrespectful to the school i m seriously considering suicide my whole family hate me my friend are all doing better than me i need to go to med school i need to fix this but it seems impossible please i need someone to tell me i can do it i need someone to tell me it s not too late for me please tell me i still have time to fix this for the first time in my life i need to hear something because i feel like i m going insane please just tell me it will be ok,1
i just cant stop thinking about my ex i loved her now that she doesnt want me in her life at all anymore i dont know how to cope and what to do im helpess i really dont see a future for myself,1
i dont even deserve to live,1
i had plan for the future big plan they don t exist anymore a relatively recent assault took them from me the assault also took away my ability to enjoy being out of my house the thing that once made me happy no longer do i can t take care of myself i m on med but they don t help i get up and go through the motion but on the inside i am dying i am just a shell of who i once wa what s even the point why am i still trying,1
i m a year old girl i ve dealt with some stuff yk my best friend took her own life some month ago and it s been v hard i keep having awful gruesome nightmare about people i love getting hurt or hurting themselves it ruin my day i feel like my mind is torturing itself it end up ruining my life cuz i m always so out of it i think my brain s broken i just wan na die so it can end feeling nothing is better than torture after all,1
it seems there is no more joy in this world the world ha literally gone to shit it s scary and truly saddening people fighting for climate change having protest a if that s gon na change a goddam thing everyone is diagnosed with some type of mental illness even if they re not they tell you they suffer from some type of anxiety and depression there s 0 originality these day i don t even remember 0 when i look outside everything appears in a darker shade everyone is trying to bring back old trend specifically the early 000s and reselling clothes item from that era at an insane price which piss me off everyone feel nostalgic bringing up memory from the past anytime before 0 0 more than ever these day which make me even more sick because we can t relive those year nothing to ever look forward to no good music no nothing everyone piss me off there is truly no one like me and if there is well i m sure they live very far from where i m at earlier i wa thinking about vine and how that turned into musically and how that turned into tiktok which is just filled with such inappropriate vids i had to delete it because my fyp wa filled with people romanticizing eating disorder and people deliberately showing their fresh self harm cvts this generation is seriously mentally ill i m so exhausted from living all i fucking do is complain because there s too much shit to complain about this world just keep turning into a more dark and darker place and the fact that people are still having kid in a world like this even during the pandemic is just beyond me there s clearly no hope for any of u i can t keep living in a world like this and then the fact that i have to slave at work while my manager sleep downstairs or is sitting on his as getting paid minimum wage is just insane i don t understand how people have put up with this for so long every day i get closer to the day i planned to take my life and i don t even know how i feel about it and some day i feel nothing yea call me a coward but at least i ll be gone no more dealing with this stupid shit and stupid as new yorkers the most dumbest people i ve ever came across,1
goodbye discord friend you were the only one to show me kindness even if it did end up being fake goodbye dad i m sorry you weren t here to see me in my final moment goodbye xchara you might been fake but you were someone who wa never rude to me goodbye self harm this is a bit of a stretch but you kept me alive for so long and i m thankful writing this down there s not much it s sad it s embarrassing but i ve said my goodbye there s nothing left now i ll hopefully be dead in a couple of hour goodbye anyone reading this i hope i don t come back,1
i want to die i don t know if i want to kill myself but i honestly don t really care i just want to die and not be conscious and not be an i and have no ability to experience anything or remember anything or think about anything i don t care if it will get better i don t care if i ll be happy one minute later i don t care that i m irrational right now and i m thinking something that a level headed version of me would obviously be above i hate being conscious i can t sleep because i hate waking up i can t make myself faint because i hate waking up i can t escape to other story or music or feeling or stimulation because i hate waking up i just want to die and die and die and die and die and stay dead forever i don t want to do this anymore i don t want to identify a an i i don t want to be an agent i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to stop living i want to die i m stupid and bad and spiteful and upset and i want to die i don t want help i don t want to be happy i don t want to want to not die i want to die,1
i wouldn t necessarily say i don t know what i really want in life it s more like i m still experimenting on what i enjoy to draw and to make a career out of it hopefully replace it with the current job i m working in a for the current job i m working a a custodian housing custodian at a university it s a lot of work and you got to be extremely fast pace and versatile i m diagnose with chronic depression anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder it s so hard trying to keep up everyone s expectation i m always slow and having a hard time trying to finish everything i just feel like i m letting people down and i try so hard to push myself over my limit to match theirs i can only do what i can and i even told my supervisor about my disorder to accomodate me which he did but i still feel like perhaps i m not the right canidate and i m fearing the call of being fired and getting complaint for not finishing certain amount of floor on time my mindset so far i m doing what i can and if it s not enough then i tried my best but i know with my mental disorder i will go back down the spiral i called my supervisor and express my frustration even though he said everyone adores me and i m being too hard on myself i know these compliment won t last long i really don t want to quit this job but i feel like shit when i m bringing other people down with my slow dumbass illness,1
i ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thought for a couple of year now i don t know why but i also have the worst anxiety and it cause me to overthink everything and ruin my own life anytime i m near a stranger i can only think about if i m breathing too loud or weird and when people look at me i just want to disappear because i m afraid their laughing at me or something i cry a lot and i feel bad because dude aren t supposed to cry so much i hate work too i work at home depot and i feel like every person think i m weird and is laughing at me for something i just want to make my family proud and be successful but i have such terrible intrusive thought and i hate it i ve also never really had a real girlfriend i dated in middle school and i feel like the biggest loser because of it i just don t understand why we live our life knowing we re gon na die anyways even if your the richest man your still gon na die the best looking or most healthy person is still gon na die so what s the point,1
in the last 0 day i lost the love of my life my home my cat my job and my will to live today i got covid so now i cant even look for a new job so i ll lose the new apartment got no friend some family but they dont care i m out of reason to continue help,1
never had a girl friend all i ever wanted wa a wife and kid even more than money i have zero friend the only people i ever hang out with are my parent i gamble a lot i am scrawney with a beer gut and twig arm what the fuck i can barely finish any college course i live in an apartment and cant see how i can ever afford a house i am taking my life tonight no point in living anymore depression fuckin suck,1
i struggled with suicidal thought around year ago i m being treated for my cptsd and since then id been doing better but for some reason these past few week the thought have come back theyre le frequent but they re there im not going to do it i just want them to stop i dont want to feel like this again,1
i ve essentially given up given up a much a i m allowing myself to sometimes i don t eat for day and then when i do eat it s sporadic and unhealthy i ve stopped exercising i never really took care of the eczema on my skin i just use a an excuse to self harm do a lot of addictive thing a well nothing too insane it s mostly just to numb my feeling i haven t left my apartment imsince january rd since there s a convenience store and laundry room here i have unhealthy fantasy about a life that doesn t exist because i can t seem to enjoy mine at all i don t believe in myself and it keep me from doing hardly anything at all other than what it take to survive i ve never really succeeded in life and have always just been a bit of a joke despite wanting to do thing i wa always discouraged by others or mostly my own lack of ability motivation i don t think therapy would work for someone like me you have to want therapy and actively do it i actively work against myself because i think it only a matter of time before people just give up on me that or i push everyone away first i make mock gun motion out of reflex and i ve never owned a gun i have the simple thought of death most day my roommate nearly caught me the other night looking over our balcony i just don t get it i have no direction and it seems like most activity eventually just upset me i either stay stagnant the way i am and achieve nothing but stay safe and comfortable while also going insane from a lack of fulfillment or i try to bear being upset and uncomfortable through a bunch of random thing throughout my life probably ending up something that isn t really worth it for the struggle they both sound awful and i get it life isn t fair maybe i don t want to participate when thing aren t fair,1
whenever i don t follow through with a plan i feel so stupid i wish i had the ball to just do it and every time i don t i feel like an idiot i m once again making a plan and upsetting myself knowing i won t follow through it make me want to just do it here and now to prove to myself i can but then that s not sticking to the plan i just feel so so stupid,1
i am i live at home i have a boring low paying job housing is impossible to afford and i m in a long distance queer relationship i have bpd dysthymia cptsd i don t think that my perception of reality is something that i could ever trust i m in therapy i m medicated nothing is really helping since i have relationship destroyer disease obviously my relationship is not doing the best entirely because i can t perceive anything for what it is i self sabotage constantly and i ruin everything i touch nothing feel real and everything feel dependent on whatever is happening in the moment i don t trust myself i will continue to ruin my own happiness for the rest of my life because treatment doesn t fucking help me with this shit ive been doing some ideation thinking about a plan i don t want to die and leave everyone behind but being here is too much for me to do forever i m and it feel like i m 9 i m so tired already and i m so scared i feel so alone i just want it to be over,1
i am going to die tonight goodbye,1
what do you say when you re told it get better with time it s been the heaviest thing to do when it come to holding myself up i had a hard 0 0 lost my brother best friend and stepdad to suicide and overdose i thought i wa ok i wa so wrong wound up losing my job then my wife decided that she wa better off with me she is probably right so all of 0 i m loosing everyone and every thing spouse life we haven t spoke in over a year iv tried to she is idk i try so hard to move forward though i m not getting anywhere i want to die i can t find the right answer to evolving and being able to engage with life it s been over a year she s great amp thriving i try to do myself in last saturday i tried to leave the car running in my garage and just drift away i couldn t even die right my car ran out a gas all i got wa a head ache and a lot deeper into my pit i ve been looking at and repositioning m pistal hopefully i can get down to business with it soon i know it s better if i do i m worth more in insurance than in life experience why can t i be good at this why am i abandoned in my darkest point they say give it time it s gon na be ok it s a lie time pass for them and i watch it just go by so i say goodbye and if i cross your mind later on know i foght until i couldn t the war in me is to much so it s me i choose my end instead of being this way or loosing touch and hurting someone who ha a good future,1
i m year old diagnosed with gouty arthritis at and i ve been battling with myself for almost a year now and it ha gotten to the point where i m tired of living this tuesday morning at am i tried to commit suicide my second attempt on taking my own life in le than a year and yet i ve still managed to fail once more i wa able to get at least hour of sleep but nothing more and that s the best i can get from a day just sleep wishing and praying to god to take my life every night passing away in my sleep best way possible imho for the last few month i ve been starting all my day and ending in tear soaking my pillow i m constantly emotionally unstable i break down in the middle of my lecture and i m genuinely tired of feeling sad and having different type of emotion on a daily basis i m lacking enormously in motivation to keep on living my mind is a thinking machine and won t stop thinking about all the suicidal way i could end my pain most of the time i ask myself why me i used to be an energetic kid who enjoyed doing many thing in my free time mostly gaming all by myself since i never had an opportunity to make a solid friendship so most of the time i end up talking expressing to myself because in this world there is no one here for me no one ha ever cared for me or even shared the least tiny drop of affection towards my person that s why i just don t try to make friend any more because i feel like i m a failure at it and i don t want no one to invest time in me i currently have an absurd amount of hate rage towards myself for not being able to finish everything and not looking upon my flaw and imperfection and wasting the endless opportunity of improving myself now i ll just have to live with the consequence and i m just here in this world all alone thinking and knowing that some people are doing better than me and living their best life and i envy that and i m jealous of that i m writing this deep down from a part of me that ha just a millimeter of hope of recuperating but i highly doubt i ll be able to do it i won t lie a of writing this it feel like i m getting rid of an anchor that ha been pulling me back all this time,1
so me m my gf f killed herself i don t know why or how i feel it s all my fault my family didn t know we were dating so i don t know how to bring it up to them i can t even focus or eat now i just don t know what to do i m honestly about to end it i failed her,1
i m have fucked up my whole life and i dont really want to kill myself but im really running out of option when i wa 9 year old i wa diagnosed with borderline disorder and all my life i have been fucking everything up relationship friendship family member job my study i have been acting very impulsive and i have aways been blaming my disorder instead for everything i ded drug use victimless crime somehow i still have some principal left hooker now today s situation is i havent felt fine in year or something like that i am on the edge of getting myself in seriously debt i live in a small shitty appartement and the only thing that ha stayed with me during all these time is my weed maybe it sound retarded i dont really know but it true i even lost my momma on the way she is not dead just doesnt want to speak to me anymore i lost all my friend because of ly shit behaviour and lie i lost a relationship of year recently and to be honest i deserve it because i can blame my disorder or the drug or whatever deep down i know it were my action and my saying that fucked it all up i know it may not be the best solution but i feel like killing myself would most certainly be the easiest way out for me sorry if this storry is shit but i am high right now and my english isnt that good,1
i m beyond worthless i will never be able to provide anything to anyone in any capacity i m no more than a worm i just want to break everything in my house smash everything in a complete rage and finish it off with a bullet to the brain i ve never been so furious in my entire year of living im in a perpetual state of anger lately i ve started burning myself with cigarette again i push them into myself until the pain fade i do it far up my arm so no one see them at work i don t need those stupid fuck questioning me i never liked cutting myself burning hurt a lot more in my opinion it s what i deserve me being alive is fucking crime i should just fucking end it now so nobody get hurt from me i m sure my family won t give a shit they ll probably be happier with the load off their shoulder and my friend will get over it quickly it s been over a year since i ve seen them in person we ve already drifted to far from each other in our life we re basically stranger,1
i taled pill but god decided that i shoudl stay i used to be grateful but i think he wanted me here just to burn my molester in facebook now after loosing my job and being a penniless looser with a lot of debt again i can t stop to remind all my recent mistake and wish i had died maybe if i burn the asshole before and maybe if i swalloed more pill or more alcohol i m so furious at myself right now,1
it been year 0 month and 9 day since i last self harmed i m really trying to keep the streak going but honestly i don t know if i can make it much longer i ve been thinking of suicide heavily the past few day and i m just so tired every aspect of my life all seemed to crash and burn within the same couple day and i m so tired of cry and hurting i just feel numb but at the same time i feel so much something that i have to scream i ve been trying to be better about being positive or telling myself to keep going but is it really worth it i spent all of last night thinking about killing myself and really what would happen i hope you all have a better day tomorrow,1
i already failed out of college once but i thought i might try again at a community college well i m about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me care a a child i always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at how na ve since i ve been miserable for a long a i can remember why would life magically get any easier i just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which i never really allowed myself to understand wa my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when i wa about year old no wonder i m so fucked up i ve been planning on killing myself before my rd birthday for the past month or so i suppose she ll get what she wanted all along,1
i ve been distracting myself with hobby and uni but at the end of the day i always get reminded that none of it matter they re only there to stop my train of thought from entering my mind they re just bring a split second of feeling recently picked up smoking again and it s the only thing that can temporarily bring some emotion back there s nothing worth living for why am i still alive i just don t know how to feel anymore i just want to wither away and be forgotten to close my eye every night hoping to not open them again,1
hypothetically if someone took 9 000mg fluvoxamine mg naltrexone and 0mg lorazepam what would happen all hypothetically of course,1
it doesn t matter anymore i m going to copy and paste my note it really doesn t matter i know i m spilling my gut out oh who care now i m lonely i m a solider to my self pride status something i fail to achieve my whole life achieving to be a boy the one my parent are proud of the only reason i m not forgotten is because i m away from home do you think they remember me i m so fine with being lonesome i could live i no longer cry i no longer care i m not deep i m not feminine i no longer attract you i m not part of them or you or your life i m not even an outcast or part of the story all my life i thought of my self a the extra in this story but i realised i m not even that i m so lonesome and not noticeable i could disappear right in this northern line i carry everything in onto me try to care that i m awake but i remember everything what have i become maybe you could have it all maybe you are the one that make his memory you re unforgettable you are the one that s not me i ve been forgotten no presence of my own the place i have for myself have never been anything but death and so it s hard to imagine a life where there s life i m apologetic towards the emotion regarding me but i m not sorry that i m here somethings in my way it might be myself never have i been so ill and treated at the same time just been treated so badly in the past that even this single bit of kindness coming from you made me feel so sane that s all i got from you half as explanation came in my house and my mouth then you d leave to someone else s house some other girl post wrestling story line when i feel scared sad sorry about a story i feel le that about my self today wow look at what u did today look at how you feel look how easy it is to resolve conflict how easy it is to lie do that again i bet u what happened that you are in a bad mood are you reminded again that nobody care leading you to my story opening my chest up with information so little you barely understand i m here waiting what will it take for you to leave this time i m still right here puzzled i live in another house now in another country with a completely different routine and identity from my last one and the other one out in this city for year feel kind of funny i can t tell what s real and fake anymore did time really passed do i even have a family am i even here million people in london how do i always managed to find the most bat shit crazy one to befriend you only filling my free time with people way to stoned to remember all of u forgetting yesterday just like i wanted so lonely can i be yours fucking unmanageable why do i always get into this messy situation i can t bare to work here anymore i m fine but bitch who want me to fail will succeed unfortunately i want to die dead groom and corpse bride i can t write anymore no song describe the desperate feeling for thing to end again i kiss them the way i wish i wa kissing you who are you though third time cry at the tube this week i m tired i wanted to ask the world is it really a bad thing to die i wanted my work to speak for me speak for it self so i don t ever even have to talk i wanted to make every work my last piece of work becuz i could be gone anytime soon i wanted every piece to be the final piece the finale maybe this situation make me feel safe no attachment no regret i never had to say goodbye to anyone except maybe lily and grandma and grandpa and mom and dad and maybe my therapist if i die here in uk i only want lily to be at my funeral literally if anyone else dare to show up i would haunt the fuck out of them for the rest of eternity you were never here when i wa alive fucking bastard thanks to my grandparent i got that little piece of my childhood that i wa genuinely happy just that little bit of time in my life who would ve know that be the last time i ll ever be happy i ve only been happy once this illness is for life making peace that it might never get better thinking of bigger idea finalising my purpose stick to my self strengthening my sorrow smoking my thought away diving into these men story one by one from my perspective dying of thirst do you think they secretly categorises u year i m still the same out shining you probably at the bottom of my stash damnnnnn i got option i have a dream my ultimate weakness is being fearless how come yesterday i wa fine and today is another day of fucking it up yesterday wa a rebirth i ve lost him great the move on period that i m sadly familiar with probably the only thing i know how to do when i know exactly what to do my path is clear and i m brave fierce today we begin the process which probably started before i even knew it did subconsciously i never had him or wanted him in the first place they re right it triggered me badly i wanted to die now i want to live at least till i get to go home non of this matter at the end of the day i have to admit i don t care about the superficial stuff i care about the ugliness amp beauty we all are capable of the ugliness that we are capable of meeting by the pizza shop aa na that i ve never attended bill i never payed harmony that sound heavenly good standing by my self haunted by i feel unstoppable fucking fearless i am ready i want to hide in ur closet and cut open your wound i can t remember the last time i spent a proper holiday with family i don t really get sad anymore you get used to it and if you ve spent holiday with my family you ll be grateful to spend it alone and again me being me i rarely remember the good time i just know the bad maybe i get a little sad because even during covid people had the hope of seeing their family this year when i already know it s not going to happen i m not scared to have nothing and no one care if you have your last night on earth who do you rather spend it with i know it s not going to be any family member it s luck to tolerate more then half an hr with them ex s not really it s the people that i don t need to speak to the people that know me by just one look the people that really know i m just describing my self i d probably want to be alone for my last night on earth my stomach is always full nobody ever get killed everyone s fine life is pretty good cutting open my wound for show watching you from a far i just can t stop it s like i want to surgically remove you from my life just cutting till i get you to leave me alone i wa trying to find comfort in you now i realise i got that with everyone once you realise the concept of abuser come from being a victim and then everything make sense now all i know my whole life is to be the other woman just never the main one about to make myself sad again if he like me he take me home put me in a box it is so weird to cum to pain then why do we do it lol why do i do it enjoy now i m feeling really complicated about tattoo because now i feel addicted this kinda of experience lol had a massive break down don t know how to feel about anything let s just wait a few day i just didn t care what happens to me anymore it just feel like an out of body experience i m still alive but i feel dead feel like i m no longer here so basically i never had a relationship i reminded him of his ex he reminded me of both of my rapist someone put a spell on me i m in a secret place i m having so much fun with my head with my thought it s no longer delusion living inside my head i just built our living room and you re right there you you you you you him and him too stop stopppppppp being an artist is not hard stick that needle right through your heart what i feel the best about the blur is gone been bothering my entire life how miserable i am i couldn t live with the fact that i wa the only one but it finally made sense took me year to realise i wa even raped just a little girl to want to know you were raped took more then just time i just didn t know what wa ok because nobody ever asked or when they do i m not even sure i m not even sure what i wanted them to do to end this end me and this point on i m forever on my own in my head shhh they don t know i m going to leave i ve been so tired cry almost everyday it s not hard to face the past it s just difficult to imagine how long it s going to take for me to hide all this so someone would finally want me i need some help i never satisfied them at all why do some girl have everything i ever wanted in life he s like drug i can t get out this feeling i don t deserve i miss him and i hate myself i wan na leave him but i hate my self too much to leave even if it s fake i wanted someone to appreciate me for fuck sake it s so bad i just stopped caring about everything nothing matter to me anymore over flooded anxiety worry about the wrong thing think about bigger plan tho but i can t help but fuxking screammnmmm into the crowded bar god why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ficking pound to go home r u serious trying to keep my love life alive i sat by the bar dodging your eye winking at you fucking in the bathroom how i wish i didn t look at you didn t share that look that moment i i wish i didn t drink running around town in the middle of the night my heart is on the edge being alone getting high on my own year later and everyone still left am i even breathing do you want me or not just tell me if u do he used to pick me up after school boarding school drive way i sneak back into my bed at am hurting because i had to leave cry because i m already hurt now he pick me up after work he said he ll see me again and i don t even know why spilling my gut out in this note app my own best friend hate me the girl that i pour my heart into she doesn t even know me i don t remember much about anything ever i m happy like that if i remember all my feeling it ll be hard to get by so dark blue i wonder why i hear picture i m gon na fly but i feel small i want him to tell me all his secret thing you don t tell anyone i ll take it off you let s me carry it for you on my shoulder very free i am the girl that thing happen to why would anyone want to see the wound that i carry i hate to lie but i probably will disappoint him exit is too late if i could just have a moment to breathe please can t take it much more then this i m taking my chance not much more love left in this either did you just wanted to have fun anyone can be my daddy today he s far far away away from me have i told anyone i don t want to be the main one it s fun behind the camera it s safe being the stalker i m comfortable stood low when i fall at least it won t even hurt liar liar i m going to keep it low this time i ll ease it in but if this time go i ll be okay too i m already broken so what if i get thrown to the ground again every men ha failed me greatly my girl and i we deserve the world i m gon na kiss her forehead in my dream i m going to hell just left his house and he s on his way to mine not sure which lie to tell because when i kill her in my dream you won t have a friend to cook with no one showed up why can t you be useful for once nothing scare me anymore he invited me to a millionaire mansion said we can do anything we want wild swim in a private lake i said i might drown drown and i want to die and i want to lie he know about me i am twenty but like chain i rust you throw me to the ground again pulling my hair my heart shattered to piece he had no idea the war i fought and finally fight i am a soldier far away from home with no one to call belongs to no one i miss their forehead kiss solid a a rock shell each ringed a bell but shamed me to hell you call you called he called a well i miss my self my old self me a a child i want her back i m going to have a kid a little girl that i m going to protect at all cost all my life i wanted to be her but who is she it s just who ever he actually want it doesn t make sense you know i won t satisfy don t have the luck going to suffer every way possible life turn into shit for my girl but they re laying under the sun she s having some fun i m picking up my ash on the floor so i smoke it again luxury fine dining cocktail every day her hair is silky when she get hurt people fight for her is it wrong i hope she get killed being bi sexual and a story teller mean i make up plot and chapter between whoever is making me jealous it s actually a really nice way to train my self from getting attached to anything at all adding story to people relationship give me a deeper understanding of in a way i no longer call my bad thought putting my self down if all my thought are bad they re no longer bad thought they re just thought first and foremost i m going to write about you and your girl this is my kind of fun i hope when i m not around she fulfil your void you can have both my body and her presence we look alike don t we i m in my own corner the voice in my head say you re alarmed people say it s impossible you d be into me i believe them why would you choose me of all people i just can t believe anyone would have anything to do with me someone who just isn t special enough to have anybody i might be a little emotional writing this missed my mood stabiliser again it s ok though you can lay your head in my tummy i bet it reminds you of hers i have found my calling i m everyone s girlfriend just ended thing with you contagious doing another test simply because i just don t trust you it is my problem i should let you go i know you re no good but you were at least nice and no one have been nice to me in a while feel calm to think about how i ll be safe and sound in my pain another story to shoot yeah it didn t make sense to me but now it doe love bombing didn t work on me even though i ve been alone for a long time thank god for putting me through shit early enough that i left early a well my bad for thinking you knew better i felt like a piece of shit again again i don t give a fuck about any of you anyways but why i never know what am of you want or need i don t understand i might be on the spectrum you know i never communicated flaw are just so deep it s like haunting through sleep am i the one stopping her happiness i never analysed why i did all those thing during elementary school that my mom had to literally befriend my teacher to make sure i m took care of i wa that troubled 9 i think of all these intruder that entered my body without my wish kelly moore s dad a white kindergarten teacher in a majority chinese school felix another white men that raped me unconsciously in the club naz in which i still not entirely sure how i got lured into i look back at my self i sometimes wondered what went wrong how i wa made the best and then the worst why did i always had a bad time why i don t remember anything why and why and why did all this happened to me i think i just had an over amount of change that now i need a giant break but i don t know how to relax i love you but who i need to love someone why do i do that when i don t know who you are i m so stressed out i can only move on being rough wa all i know just people forcing themselves onto me all the time maybe why i thought zaineb wa so special and i m not ready to have that again even thought iain count a my first love i think zaineb wa when i completely trusted someone i just feel wrong and not accepted i guess i had another thought all those time they ve touched me just touching me everyone not just at the club it be when i wa getting take out shopping at the super market i never said anything why didn t i every time i look in the mirror i see myself disappearing into a bubble i wish i wa brand new i wish i wa soft and clean fresh off the boat too i wish i still believed in the world and white men you guy are losing me bit by bit day by day faded into the background i guess for now i know there s more to life than romance and belonging there s knowledge and creation story line and peacefulness in nature i realised that s when i m most allowed to stay is when i realised i m not rejected by the other side i m not rejected by hell a place that ll understand me may devil protect me and be by my side got ta stop having death fantasy must be a reason why i m fortunate and not is it karma or wealth abused or wa i too spoiled to think i deserve happiness is it karma or illness it must be karma right i know everything about you i usually prepare my research before i meet you a guy anyone i go through your family photo your ex the girl you slept with before me and potentially after me too i spot for lie matching the story you told me with evidence the fun part is researching the girl you are fucking i can feel my heart beat it like an electrical rush of anxiety it s quite an easy and intimate process a i realised my instinct is right every time by the way this is the time where i note down possible event that might happen in the future if this is torture then i don t know what fun is solving this puzzle i uncover every step a i am walking through your living room i give a fuck about you everyday ever since my first project i want to know everything the truth of story that s happening to me i need truth i need clue i need to find out if i m the other woman why do you want to know thing you shouldn t know ugliest ugliest truth still better than lie in my opinion and when i learned the fact that i am nothing in your story this is where i imagine love story that involves the girl you actually like is this process psychopathic i think it s a poetic way of practicing being a wife haven t wrote shit in a minute i guess i don t know what to say anymore i need to get going nothing ha been working fuck u all listening to he talk a i sit there again and again with my mouth shut still taste the cum in the back of my throat we expect the extreme every time we meet i always walk into your empty house the house you shared with her for year convincing myself that i don t care about you anyways ever since i haven t been able to learn or live i ve just been getting by and ruining my own life maybe it wasn t even that traumatic but i had to have an excuse for something right i guess i wa pale and green i became dumb never shared a thing fell short when my friend are watching film i watch now i read now i wouldn t have done the same for him filled my life with horror escaping intoxicated insane fucked so good fun fun fun you don t know half of the shit i actually go through you just think i m a simple whore i could be for you i wear black tights and two silk bow tie on the tip of my knee get all the way down i wait they always tell me to stay where i am because my back is arched and my as is in the air all the thing that made me who i am i bet her art is even wholesome and not pain then i worried i m not ur enough hey i feel better now still remember me what you ve been up to im not sure writing you from afar i m just getting to know myself why would i forget you i wa just trying to forget my self i m leaving london soon just like how i left china just like how i left la and like i left china again when will i ever return there s no more looking back my family s fed and i have some money under my name the only fortunate thing little fire lit in my world will never have the glory they once have i m not extraordinary enough but cool to have fun recently my family discovered that i am american a real american a real person with a passport that doesn t require month of quarantine a real passport that doesn t need a visa a real world i m freed and you don t understand i m trying to free my family too come i ll swallow all the feeling you might have may i open wide and welcome you inside up and down spending time with men that want anything but me ex and ex never ending dark hole of a modern bitch clear whiskey glass amp cocktail you never payed for her spend it all on me you never called no one did,1
sorry to ask again i m just not doing great at the moment if i do hypothetically end my life and prior to it i end session with my therapist he wouldn t get in trouble right he doesn t deserve to get in trouble or lose licensure over me if that make sense doe anyone have info on this,1
they knew this life isn t worth living and gave all their possession to their family i want to do the same so my friend and family benefit from my death i want to be dead my family and friend get all my stuff everyone win i m 00 fucking worthless and everything i consume is for no reason every friend and partner just stay with me out of pity and i want to pay them back i plan on hanging myself in my garage and calling 9 just before so they find my body instead of someone innocent i don t want to hurt i don t know why i m posting here tbh i guess i m looking for any reason not to suicide hotlines are just more depressing with the same scripted word in between question trying to find out where you are so they can call someone to your place this is just going to lead to more frustration and probably huge hospital bill and embarrassment anyone else feel this way what s keeping you from doing it,1
sorry if this is kinda confusing and messed up i have a hard time putting my thought into word i f would sometimes get suicidal thought whenever i wa going through a bad panic attack but after i calmed down those thought would just disappear and i wa always sure that i would never do that stuff because i knew i only thought that a a quick escape from all the emotional pain and anxiety i wa going through but today those thought wouldn t get out of my head and i d find myself zoning out and planning on how to do it i wasn t even panicking about anything more like just feeling empty and depressed about my current and future life i ve been fighting everyday to feel some genuine happiness in myself and love for others so i can stop putting on this fake smile so everyone doesn t worry about me i miss it so fucking much and lately i ve been getting spark of those feeling again but they quickly dwindle away but now with these thought creeping in i feel like this battle that i ve been fighting for so long is pointless i don t even see a future for myself the people that i love in this life are slowly being consumed with negativity and become more and more toxic to me everyday and i ve noticed myself gaining that same negativity towards others and life and while i know that they re probably going through some stuff and i have sympathy for them it draining me and i can t be around them any longer since they clearly don t want change life been getting hard for me and it sucking the light out of me i don t know what to do about these thought but they won t get out of my fucking head and i m scared they ll get even worse please help me,1
so im depressed and right now i m getting more and more suicidal it started with intrusive thought imagining myself in many violent suicide scenario but right now i m seriously considering suicide because it get worse and worse and i have no idea when my life will improve in any way i m trans and i haven t started transitioning yet i don t even feel like i m living i m just wasting my life leaving a something in between because i m not a woman but literally no one see me a a man even i myself feel like a joke instead of proper guy even when i m not depressed it s not like i m functioning normally i have adhd with executive dysfunction a my worst symptom and i also have asd so i always and up being awkward or off or not acting not properly in any social setting i feel awful all the time and i constantly vent to my friend even though despite them sort off telling thats okay i know how annoyed by this they are and how little they care and even though i understand fully i m hurt by this because almost every time when i m available i m listening and trying to give my best support if they need to vent especially with one of my friend we can end up on a meeting when 90 of the time she s the only one talking but when i message them anything i know i do that a lot but still even if they even bother to read it i usually get one word response or just sad emojis i don t know i just every day feel like there s le thing important for me to keep going the only thing that kept me from even considering suicide a some real option wa vision of starting my life a my true gender and not wanting to traumatise people close to me but transitioning seems like it won t happen anytime soon and every day spent in my body feel like hell i m not even exaggerating i get constantly flight or fight response triggered by my own body and with people close to me i m getting more distant from them every day most of the time i don t have energy for anyone but when i sort of do i m still super irritable i just got super distant from my friend i feel that i know nothing about most of them and the closest one are just annoyed by my constant low mood or i m annoyed by them feeling like they need to criticise my behaviour like smoking or not being able to motivate myself to do thing i won t even start talking about my ex he just make my day worse just by being around me and that s all the time i don t know i just feel like no one care about me in a meaningful way my friend either criticise me or give me meaningless support my parent don t take my issue seriously they literally wan na take me of all my med in about two month which would fuck me up because it would mean no more focus on anything lack of adhd med no more sleep some anxiety med that i use for my sleep trouble and i would quit my antidepressant which i started to take in le than two week ago my psychologist is caring about me only because she s paid and even though i like her she s still isn t able to help me and i m still not able to open up to her either cause of fear of being honest about my feeling or because of my shitty memory that cause to remember me all the wrong thing at the wrong time i feel like this mini personal hell won t end soon and even if it will it won t mean that all my issue will go away i m stuck with being trans awkward and having adhd for the rest of my life no matter what i do and i don t want it to be this way,1
should i go check into a hospital again i ve admitted myself more time than i can remember over the year for depression suicidal ideation not to mention the attempt where i should be dead i have some good friend amp family i know i m blessed in way but have endured so much sexual trauma a a kid amp later in life amp have ptsd borderline personality extreme anxiety sometimes amp addiction issue i don t think i want to go on much longer what s the point,1
i guess part of me didn t really want to die so i m heading back home now,1
i am reading all those post and asking myself can i help them or am i also one of them the answer is not shocking but all i can understood one thing the other people don t understood u they stop understanding u in first place when we go silent fewest of few nudge u no matter what but personally i stop responding to express my thought or emotion to tell them what i feel and how i feel because i fear it might effect their vicinity of thought and people around them so i pushing people around me so i might be in misery yet not dragging any of my anchor it is and always hard to say goodbyeno matter what but doe it worth it i am in utter limbo state of life where i don t know what i should do i am clueless and lifeless about my next step i don t know what should i do where living is not an option but dying is not also one,1
i am 0f no longer living with my family my little sister newly yr ha been struggling with depression and self harm for a while now but it recently ha gotten worse like a lot worse she is cutting a lot searching for way to kill herself googling about eating disorder her only friend always play the who s more depressed game she see a therapist but doesnt open up most recently she ha been messaging a 9m which my parent will be handling with the police what do i do i ve been depressed and sent to mental hospital for sh so i do understand a bit i just don t know how to help her i don t want to lose her and i don t want her to be in this much pain i love her more than anything more than myself,1
the only reason i can t bring myself to do it is the thought of my mom coming to wake me up and finding me dead or the rest of my family feeling burdened by it we ve already lost a cousin of mine to suicide barely two year ago i don t want to do that to them it s the only reason i haven t yet if only i could stop being so damn empathetic to my own detriment i could just stab myself and finally be free,1
i don t have access to a gun and after attempting and going unconscious i don t think i could go through the pain and fear of hanging again i want to overdose with something like fentanyl i guess the only thing i m scared of is getting arrested because of it is there a possession with intent to overdose law do you think i d be charged for more information yo minor perfectly clean record except legal hold for suicide never touched any kind of drug including alcohol legally mentally disabled have a 0 for depression and anxiety,1
everything every good thing that ha happend to me so far is a lie they re all the thing that are used against me to burn me alive i m so sorry that i dedicate my all towards something only to see it fail and burn right in front of my eye i deserve nothing but pain i m a waste of space god doesnt exist he would never be okay with all that ha been happening to me why cant i just fucking go peacefully i m tired of cry,1
my boyfriend is suicidal he s almost attempted separate time thankfully i ve stopped him i know he sometimes cut himself very small cut but he just sent me a photo of photo of a drawing he made of u using his own blood he wrote cute thing all over it but he literally used his own blood so i feel like he s thinking about attempting since he put angel wing on his back what do i do i don t want him hurting himself anymore i make sure to spend a much time with him a possible and even though we re both we both truly love each other i just have no idea how to handle this like should i go over to his house to see how he s doing his parent could care le about him im the only one who s ever there for him what should i do i need help,1
i slept for hour straight yesterday it felt really good i wish i could do that everyday,1
people freak out when i tell them i m going to commit suicide,1
context grew up in a pretty abusive family and always wanted to jill myself even a a young child it get worse till couldn t cope and went to child service at age a i felt i wa going crazy i wa removed from my family and never saw my mum sister again my suicidal thought seem to not always be here now but come in wave i m feeling pretty suicidal now a my gf left me but it made me reminiscent of my last suicidal episode about a year ago this wa the most intense one yet i had plan and everything the last thing i had to do wa to speak to my mum and sister before i passed away i spoke to my sister first and she basically wa horrible to me to the point i couldn t speak to my mum out of guilt turn out the abuse got a lot worse after i got removed and my sister blamed me for it it hit me pretty hard i didn t end up speaking to my mum here s where thing get interesting a i never spoke to my mum i never killed my self she ended up dying a few month afterwards now i feel weird if i had rang her and killed myself would she have been alive it sound silly but my mum illness wa caused by sadness i m sure if i spoke to her she would have survived but then i would be dead so would my suicide have saved a life somewhat this now make me more suicidal a i didn t speak to her before she died but this time i don t have the courage to kill myself sticky situation,1
hi everyone i m going to tell about my thought i m not fluent in english so maybe it will have a lot of mistake but that s a reason for it first i m joining this community cause i can say what i m thinking without no one knowing cause my parentsand my gf dont talk in english second i ve been searching about how to suicide and my first reaction wa panic i wa depressed today a still look the same thing but i m not anxious or feeling panic actually i m really calm about it i don t know if it s courage or cause i m weak or i maybe i just accepted my destiny i hope you all get by through this cause i m not able to handle it anymore nice to met you all and goodbye sincerely matcordeiro,1
gon na sound stupid a this happens to everyone but my daughter brought from daycare a nasty stomach bug i ve been puking my gut out and sitting on the toilet most of the day i m so tired but i can t sleep cause of the symptom i rapidly become so distressed my brain start to spin out of control and i want to end it all i m not capable to do it to be honest but man it is distressing i know after some sleep i ll be good but the current moment are atrocious i just can t focus on something else or clear my mind i should say i combine that to ongoing struggle with operational anxiety from the military every little thing push me to the edge,1
to make thing clear no one invalidates me because i avoid every person and talk to no one i invalidate myself for whatever reason it s been made printed in my head to invalidate myself all the time like some sort of fucked competition on who ha it worse i dont know why i do it i know that every person s experience is different no one can experience the same thing a you it your struggle or whatever i know this yet anytime i hear any negative thing someone is dealing with or read something i downplay my struggle and just assume the person is going through worse i just say that i ain t going through shit compared to this person or that person it dumb i dont know why i do it i shouldnt be comparing my struggle to other people yet for whatever reason i do thank you for reading sorry if i made anyone mad or anything,1
ya i m gon na to do it tonight it s better for everyone this way,1
i ve just had enough of everything i don t know what to do anymore or who to talk to i tried to end my life twice through overdose and that didn t work i have episode where i just don t want to be here anymore i get agitated and it doesn t matter what anyone say or doe it doesn t make it any better i fear that i will have an episode of contemplating suicide and i ll just jump off a bridge it s like my mind take over and i don t think of anyone else my last resort is sectioning and i know what it s like i live in uk but i feel like that would be the safest environment for me where i can focus on getting better without having that constant worry of ending my life can anyone provide any advice at all i would appreciate it i just feel like my life is so pointless growing up with a disability being bullied always feeling different to everyone else childhood trauma and now having a constant battle everyday with my mental health i try to get on with life but i always feel like it would be better if i wasn t here,1
i ve had thought of not wanting to exist for a while but i ve been very much in denial to myself and when spoken to by others about my desire to stop existing i know i also make joke on occasion and yet when i vent it s like i m annoying the people around me or pushing them away because they don t want to hear about my problem they want me to be a happy strong pillar for them who always listens when they need not the other way around i spoilered this a nsfw because it s for one triggering and for two i d like for le people to see it on my profile i just vented about one of the aspect of these thought on a shared space in the channel for triggering topic but i think i want a new outlet just this once i don t like relying on reddit for anything nor putting sensitive information out there so there s a good chance i ll be deleting this post later i feel like this might be triggering but i just keep thinking of a sensory deprivation void that s just dark grey with no stimulus and how without the need for sustenance after a while i d start to fade and all brain activity would just shut off and that s the sort of isolation that i keep wanting no offending sound or smell no need to eat and no bodily function no pain of going without and no pain from my brain suffering the ill effect of my current lifestyle it s an interesting artistic vision but i see how it s too much to share and possibly triggering to some artistic vision it s interesting when viewed through that lens i should say i m le concerned with making sense anymore because i used to put so much effort into syntax and how i came across but i m sick of trying so hard for people i m good with the rambling writing style i ve been using lately i m tired of putting in effort to say thing that i m ashamed of only to have it weird out other people i m good i m alright i m just suffering these bad issue that don t go away and sometimes i have a hard time keeping up appearance i m ashamed of this i m much more neurotic than shared here but i m okay with it i m okay with it i m accepting it i m going to allow myself to feel it and not hate myself for having emotion like usual i m okay with it,1
a lot of the time when it get dark i just start feeling so fucking shitty and i don t know why is this normal thing that will pop into my mind are thing like how i could just kill myself and people would get over it soon in different time of my life i ve planned out what date work best a to not ruin holiday or birthday im not sure if this kind of stuff is normal,1
someone understanding please if you re not i m sorry it ll only make it worse i don t want to vent about my problem because it ll make me break down i hope you understand,1
i just want this pain to stop and i don t know if it s my fault that i am the way i am so maybe i deserve this feeling maybe this is my punishment for being a bad person i have a fear of my parent touching me and most people would think that s ridiculous it s ocd and it s killing me i don t live with them anymore but every time they ask to see me i wish i could stop existing i feel like a bad person for wanting to avoid them even if they gave me trauma so maybe this is what i deserve maybe it s all because of me i wish i wasn t like this i wish i didn t have to be alive i m ready to go,1
no matter what i do and how much i try i feel like noone will ever really care but thats fine i dont want to be alive anymore anyways i keep saying im doing better but im not im sorry i just dont want anyone to worry i just want to be normal i never asked for any of this i never fucking asked to be born into a shithole family i never asked for a potential personality disorder i never fucking asked to be alive this long ive tried so many time ive done so much stupid shit im just ruining my life and ruining everyones perception of me maybe if i make people hate me itll be easier for them to deal with my death i dont want to live anymore i cant eat anymore i can barely get up anymore i have incredibly shit hygiene it disgusting i know im sorry im sorry im like this im sorry im so fucking sorry im still alive it would be easier if i wasnt it would be itd be better it be better that way maybe id be happy maybe itd bring people peace to know im not ruining myself anymore,1
my bf s ex is now his best friend there like sibling according to them and they love each other like family i m a person that can t handle change well at all they use to hate each other and that wa what i wa use to they became best friend and i try so hard to deal with it and be her friend and accept it but it s so hard for me i ve been trying for month eventually tonight she got in a predicament and i helped her bf get her and calm her down i feel like maybe i m accepting her more and friendship more but this relief feeling want me to k ll myself even more what is this i m so confused i thought having good relationship would make you want to stay more,1
it s just pointless what good is money when your country denies you access for help anyways and nobody care people look at me like i m some sort of a freak i m lucky only half of my family hate me but they don t understand i try to reach out for help via phone and when i explained my situation i get called a f g by the person on the line all because i said i m trans woman looking for therapist i am so tired of never being able to leave my room thar year looking for a doctor hasn t worked that people call me a monster threat to our culture that i m giving a bad impression to child even though i never leave my house i literally don t interact with anyone and nobody see or hears me and yet i m still seen a a monster i ll do you all a favor and just die cause it s too much i m tired of living like this and if i m such a bad threat then i ll be doing every one a favor,1
everyone is saying i wa abusive i wasn t i genuinely felt like jumping off a cliff and would of if a friend wasn t there,1
my girlfriend left me and is probably in love with my best friend my best friend stopped giving a shit about me and flirted with her they cuddled when they were here he wouldn t even check in on me my dad is having a baby my great grandma is dying my health is getting more and more fucked over and turn out i might have a bleeding disorder my abusive ex is spreading more shit about me and trying to ruin my life nothing is ok i don t think i m going to be okay everything is falling apart i haven t felt this suicidal in a long time i want to fucking die i can t do this,1
i don t deserve to be alive i m a complete and total fuck up that deserves to die i just overdosed on my clonazepam so here s hoping that it kill me,1
shes been saying nasty comment about my body since i wa like they used to tell me i needed to stop eating and stuff like that snd it been destroying my body image i feel like no one will ever love me if im not unhealthily skinny i starved myself for a good while like year ago and lost a lot of weight i then hot depressed a hell and gained it all again she still say some nasty comment last night she said of course it not good that you were starvinh yourself but it mustve been so nice to find clothes that fit right dont you miss that i just want her to think im pretty and the kind of daughter she want,1
not even to talk about anything it wa kind of odd actually he just said he wa on lunch and had to go back to work in 0 he just wanted to bother me for a minute i think he just saved my life go fucking figure,1
i ve tried i ve put in effort i ve fought back and i did get better before it all went downhill again til i m back to square one then still i got told to try and put in more effort to fight back a if that wasn t what i have been doing to get this far to survive this far no matter how much effort i put in the end everything came back to nothing it s all meaningless they would only see the result without acknowledging nor appreciating the effort i m too tired to fight anymore i don t have anyone to talk to about my problem more like i don t have anyone that i trust enough for me to really open up to even the friend i got right now i can t feel a strong connection with them i don t even talk much with them also too scared to even talk to a therapist and seek help having to reveal my problem like that make me feel vulnerable miserable and embarrassing another reason for not seeking help is so i can break down even more until i really lose my mind and there d really be nothing better than dying i guess but mainly i hate the idea of having to reveal myself to others a i ve mentioned just before this i ve grown too tired i ve been spending a lot more time in my room playing game and barely doing anything productive outside of my work i don t have any motivation or dream sometimes i fear having to sleep at night because by the time i wake up i d have to go through another dull day again and repeat the same thing over and over again the problem is in me i can t run away from myself i wish i could just disappear from existence and it d be nice if no one would remember me at all i m going to sleep and i hope i won t wake up to greet another day but i know that ain t gon na happen will delete this post later i don t really like posting a rant like this too but i really needed to get it out a bit please don t mind this post at all and have a good day to whoever ha read this til the end,1
really i m tired i tried pill choking myself with a belt hanging carbon monoxide and i can t buy a fucking gun because of the fucking country i live in so tired of this shit so tired of being loveless and before you start with you must be an incel no i don t blame woman for not liking me i blame my fucking gene and i blame my shyness and how my stupidity ha fuck thing up i m tired but i can t fucking seem to die,1
doesn t seem like i m contributing enough to the world for my life to be so precious that i need to still be here i don t know how to do this but i have considered hanging myself or starting my car in a garage for the carbon monoxide my financial issue will never end my disability is chronic and it doesn t seem like there is a point in fighting any of this anymore,1
no matter how hard i try i just seem to be a background character to everyone else for year i have tried to be a better person socialize more be extroverted dress nicely workout try to be friendlier love yourself yada yada yada it s all bullshit lie i told myself delusion that i thought would make me be noticed and at least somewhat respected but in the end it seems like i don t even exist it s absolutely soul crushing i feel like most people just look right through me a if i were a ghost the shadow of what once wa a person i ve never had anyone i could truly call a friend just recently my best friend told me that i wasn t even his best friend that there wa someone else that he see a his true best friend i m not angry at him just dissapointed at the circumstance i m just another shoulder to cry on for every person i talk to i ve never had a girlfriend no one ever really loved me that sting the most i constantly hear story about people and their experience with love yet here i am at 0 year old never even having kissed anyone at my age my brother already had several girlfriend so did all the other people at my age that i know i feel like a fucking clown i really am le than human i ve always been the laughingstock of the fucking world never been respected always ignored i m depressed and suicidal but most of all i m angry if people don t want to see me i will fucking force them to see me they ll have no other choice but to see me one way or another,1
im tired i m so tired a tiredness that i can t describe anymore i really can t believe that my life is really the one i have now when i see myself in the mirror or just at random time during the day i can t help but have tear running down my cheek hurting myself when i m wondering how i went from an innocent happy optimistic person to a destroyed and sad who just want to die i know others can have it harder but for me that s all i can bear i can t take it anymore i m unhappy but also angry angry because i wonder why all this happened to me why do i have to live all of this at only this question will never have an answer i just deserve it idk why im writing this so late even tho no one will see it in short i ve definitely given up and this message is therefore my last straw,1
know i m severely depressed but it s been like this for year i can t do another 0 year of this i turn on monday and i just so tired of this life already i have friend but there s no one i m close to no one to tell my day about not that there would be anything to talk about i do fuck all just barely surviving the day getting out of bed in the morning is so difficult i watch my friend able to go out everyday talk passionately about the thing they re interested in make plan for the future and i just wish i could do that i genuinely don t enjoy anything i m doing a degree i hate but it s too late now to change it and not be able to get out of bed to attend my lecture doesn t help i m on a waiting list for therapy but i m number so that could be up to a year wait i ve tried different antidepressant and they have done fuck all i just can t stop thinking about how it would be best for everyone if i got hit by a truck i am draining to be around i wouldn t be my own friend so god know what anyone else think my first thought about anything is negative someone asked me the other day what i want to do after university and i told them i want to be dead because in all truth that s what i want i don t want to be alive someone wanted me to do something and the first thing out my mouth wa yeah well i want to chuck myself in front of a train but we can t always get what we want didn t even mean to say it but it just always at the front of my mind and i don t even know if it s true because i m not at risk of doing anything i ve absolutely no intention of chucking myself infront of a train but i want to no longer exist sometimes i think i need to reach out to someone but who and why bother what are they gon na do i went to my gp about it and spoke to a mental health nurse but all that s done is given me antidepressant that don t work and put me on a year long waiting list i m meeting up with family for my st my and brother aunt and uncle and cousin that i haven t seen in a while all travelling to see me i should be looking forward to it but i m not i m dreading it because they ve all got their life together have something to live for they re gon na ask me how i m doing and either i lie though they will know i m not telling the truth or i m honest and bring the whole mood down and what point would telling them they can t do anything when i say i want to chuck myself in front of a train i m not just doing it for attention i don t plan to do anything of the sort but i think it s the only way i know of saying how i really feel because no other way describes it just saying i m not doing great doesn t really cut it i m doing fucking awfully and don t know how to stop it,1
my boyfriend and i have been fighting so damn much it s driving me mad i love him but i can t go on like this he s narcissistic controlling go on power trip etc one time i told him about how i get thought to unalive myself fast forward maybe a couple month and he had the audacity to tell me why don t you just go k yourself like what he know my past my trauma i ve told him my trigger because of this it make it that much harder to open up about struggle my mental health for instance the other day i told him i miss how we used to text having actual convos interaction and he took it a i wa starting an argument which i told him i wasn t just wa saying how i felt well everyday after work last night it s been hell him starting argument he packed all my stuff in trash bag and wa going to kick me out over telling him my feeling but then say i don t communicate this is the same guy that i ve been with for a couple year he say i m pushing him away but he s pushing me away to the extent of even living i feel like i m going crazy and i know i m not please tell me i m not i m just tired we all know what tired mean,1
title more or le i m amab non binary and at the low point of my life so far i need to talk to somebody but i m a bit scared tbh the reason being while i m having more and more s icidal thought and thinking of how pointless life is i know that i m too much of a coward to actually commit to it and i don t want to hog the space for someone who s off worse than me tl dr i don t see much point in living anymore but i just know i most likely won t km is it ok though if i call the hotline,1
don t really know why i m posting don t know what to expect i already hate myself more than life itself but it is what it is i caught my wife cheating on valentine s day which wa great we tried to work thing out but apparently she would rather have him a felon drug addict i m not perfect but damn everything s just gone downhill since i don t see a point in life without her but i can t have her so idk i m so lost in every aspect of life i already know how i ll do it but i can t because i can t do that to my granny,1
so first of all i know that this is all fucking messed up it is the way it is though i ve been depressed and suicidal for a while now and my ex know that aswell i promised him that i would never kill myself which i really regret but whatever i asked them a couple of time but they didn t want me to break my promise and they also said if i did they d commit suicide aswell however now my ex told me that if i told my younger brother i wa gon na do it how and why it would be okay to break the promise i just i can t i can t go to my younger brother tell him hey i m gon na km bc life suck and i m just gon na hang myself i know commiting suicide will hurt ppl around me but they will be fine except maybe my younger brother that s what i m scared for however it s so much worse though if i tell him i m gon na end my life before i do it he will feel so much more guilt and i just don t know what to do and everything hurt so much physically and mentally,1
what s the actual point of stopping me from doing this it will allow a person who is suffering to not suffer any more i don t want to do this any more it s a never ending battle and i m tired say i m a quitter i don t care why do you care about the life of a person on the internet who will never contact or see you who you for all mean should not have any personal connection to you yet people still care to tell me to stop when i m that close to stopping the pain at this point i could care le about most of my family most of them are why i want myself dead anyway my friend would read the note i d be leaving and understand why i did it i know these paragraph are completely intelligible but i just don t get why suicide is a bad thing to people why do people think it s a bad thing that s the one thing i don t get,1
please do not read if you re in a bad mental state currently is it painful to overdose and d e on medication can someone who ha experienced an 0verdose from a combination from the following list please explain the sequence of event adderall doxepin duexis ibuprofen famotidine pristiq abilify buspar alcohol and c0caine do any combination of these allow someone to d e in their sleep without feeling pain i know many prescription medication including some of the one previously listed are designed to make death from taking too many difficult i also know surviving an attempt can be very painful and lead to lasting negative health effect what do you do if someone is unresponsive locked in their room you d call 9 and they would be the one to break down the door and enter keeping you from seeing anything right lastly can a family cover up someone s su c de attempt and keep it a secret out of the medium can they just tell people it wa a drug 0verdose or is there no way to avoid everyone knowing what happened i m sorry for these asking these question,1
i ve felt this way consistently for probably the last year with only brief deluded relief i hope that it s just eternal oblivion in a sense,1
wa looking for this usually i go to bed st but today my wife is sleeping so i will go to km it wa about the time to do it,1
i see no future ahead of me and i am very much fucked right now life is going too fast i cant keep up with anything i literally have no friend no one would try to find me if i go missing one day im living in this shit hole away from parent since and they dont even care about me at this point everyone can see that i am going to kill myself but no one even see me at all currently making plan if anyone find my reddit account somehow after i die take this a a sorry i wa a bad kid and became a horrible adult sorry for not doing good thing and making everyone around me sad until i have no one around me left,1
i keep thinking that i m only putting all this effort in for someone else because i love her and i don t want to hurt her and i enjoy being with her and how she make me feel but i also want to get better so i can be in a better place to be more supportive for her and my peer i m trying to live for myself and not others but i m not sure where i am with that,1
i dont bother doing anything all day and im failing college yet im still tired and im constantly thinking about suicide,1
i feel so helpless like i have absolutely no say in my own life and i have no idea what to do anymore all i want to do is to kill myself but the way that i ve decided to do it is going to be painful and right now i ve become so mentally weak that i can t even tolerate or accept pain i wish i could just die in my sleep tonight or get hit by a bus tomorrow because i m not even strong enough to end my life no matter how much i want to,1
my on and off boyfriend of two year left me after i got diagnosed with bpd le that two week ago he decided to read the bplovedones subreddit and like yeah i will not invalidate their experience but the way they speak of people with bpd is dehumanizing everything seemed fine sunday and then he read the stuff monday and dipped on tuesday i don t want to be alive because i don t want to hurt anyone else and i feel so disconnected from the world it s not because he left it s because i feel so alone and i don t want to hurt and i don t want to hurt anyone else i also feel so guilty for the shitty thing i did do i m worried i will never change and die alone i don t know who would love someone like me after what i have done,1
this is eating me alive my suicidal thought depression kept me from doing thing that were very important and now that i am trying to actually do them for example i sat down to actually write on a web novel i abandoned for all of that time and the feeling of guilt over wasting so much time ha me in a choke hold it force me back into that dark place this ha been a struggle all of my life i used to have this issue with not cleaning because i beat myself over not cleaning i don t want to go back into the dark and i don t have access to treatment for my ocd anymore any advice on what i can do to help even it is okay help tremendously i ve tried l late is better than never but for some reason i can t convince my brain this is true,1
i ve never been so fucking miserable in my entire life i quit my job last week and i m failing school and want to drop out for the rd time i have no money and i m disgusting and i have no worth in this shitty world i m tired and i can t even get out of bed i don t have any energy to do anything and i want to die fuck everything and goodbye,1
i ve given up,1
i doubt theyd care but at the same time i dont wan na die alone he s the only person i have in my life and our friendship is most likely going to end once he move away but it s going to leave me in shamble i m probably going to attempt soon after he leaf but thats the thing i dont wan na die completely alone yes i still feel a if i have nobody by my side even though we re pretty close but regardless of that i just want to die knowing at least one person will give somewhat of a fuck about me,1
i have had suicidal thought since high school i am also trans and have always known it since i wa young i never felt it wa something i wa allowed to do i started transitioning a few month ago now at the age of i ve attempted suicide time in my life and i did the least almost hoping i would live or die 0 0 i ve always threatened my family that i would kill myself some of that wa a cry for help some of that is true i have planned to live perhaps extra year to see if truly a everyone tell me it s worth living just wait i believe in my heart i can be great for myself and love myself and yet i am plagued by this obtuse feeling of letting go for good almost every day i have had many therapist i have one currently i have tried med and i truly don t want them in my life i can t even complain i speak language fluently i ve experienced a lot of life and always felt like an old soul although i am disappointed with this world i am disappointed with all the hate that exists i m disappointed with myself and others consistently most day i wake up grateful and most day i go to sleep angry sad lonely and hopeless no matter how much i try to be a force of love and light in this world in the morning i end up depleted and sucked into the darkness each night i have stayed for my family and friend who would suffer if i left i have never once stayed for myself i wish i found a reason to live for myself and not for others i m planning on taking shooting lesson in this year so i may get a gun license hopefully so that i may register a firearm in year and kill myself i m not sure what i m looking for saying this on here just needed a place to say it i hope you re all well and stay strong,1
i m ready to go it could be day from now week from now or even month from now but this is the only way i see myself going out and i refuse to accept any alternative i ve ghosted numerous people trying to throw their retarded empty platitude my way and a much a some of these mf wan na tell me they ve been there no the fuck they haven t i wish people could just accept the fact that some people weren t meant to live long life,1
so i started having suicidal thought in april of last year and they lasted until around november in october i started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friend not romantic just friendship my mental health started getting a lot better after a couple month of friendship with her and it s kept getting better ever since a few day ago i made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her she won t text me back now i ve tried apologizing and trying to make thing right with her but i haven t heard back from her i m afraid i ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thought are back for the first time since last year i always hurt the people that i care about and i hate myself so much that i do this,1
so i started having suicidal thought in april of last year and they lasted until around november in october i started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friend not romantic just friendship my mental health started getting a lot better after a couple month of friendship with her and it s kept getting better ever since a few day ago i made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her she won t text me back now i ve tried apologizing and trying to make thing right with her but i haven t heard back from her i m afraid i ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thought are back for the first time since last year i always hurt the people that i care about and i hate myself so much that i do this,1
honestly im tired of everything especially myself im not good for anyone and been blocked by a friend who told me i wa toxic and manipulative im stupid and worthless why do i even deserve to live i wish there is a fast way to kill myself and end this peacefully,1
last night i had a dream my bestfriend and i were hanging out a a spiritual person i believe that our passed loved one visit u in our dream to hang out with u in the only way they can my bestfriend committed a year ago and it wa the worst day of my life every once in a while he doe this but i had a dream last night we both hung out and had such a good time at the end he gave me a gift and said he would see me next time when i woke up i wa really depressed i didn t want to go into work i wanted to lay back down and go to sleep and hang out with him again it made me have suicidal thought and those were scary i miss him alot to the point where life just seems so awful without him and how can i live like this without him i m a very lonely person and he wa the only friend i had who understood me help,1
i just made the person i fell in love with cry because a miscommunication happened and i ended up breaking all contact instantly and acted like a bitch but she still fought to keep in touch and we are better talking now but she cried tonight because of me she cried she got hurt she felt so bad and she is already going through so much because of her ex and then something happened with u at work yesterday and i ended up having a fight with my mom too i just fucking hate that my existence is hurtful for others i just want to fucking die so i stop hurting people god please give me the courage to die so i stop hurting everyone around me i do not want to live with all the sadness that s filled in me,1
i feel it coming on hard and it s just too much i m not even full spiral i wa doing so good for so long i hate how easy it sound to end it because fuck wouldn t it just be i m just screaming into the void again i feel like quarantining when i m like this because well meaning friend will tell me they love me and it s not worth it and to push forward and they re on my side and i know it doesn t make me feel any different about myself and maybe they do too but it s so damn tiresome i hate myself and i don t think i ll ever stop i m tired of stressing them out or bringing them down by existing the cool thing about being dead is people will almost always remember the good thing about you and maybe they ll talk about how you struggled but it ll sound romantic and not nearly a disgusting a it actually feel why doe it have to be so attractive objectively speaking there s nothing sexy about about coming across the news in whatever form that a loved one ha ended their life but here i am fantasizing about how i ll just stop being and i ll be just that more loved without having to do anything but die no guilt no pressure just nothing i guess technically people will have to deal with my remains they ll have to raise money to have something done with me because i definitely don t have anything in place to make it easier i m just so fucking tired,1
i m not doing well i m suffocating it s hard to breathe and i have to fight the urge to slice open an artery the only way i know how to cope is by telling someone who s actually willing to listen about my favourite comic that s all,1
i miss jesus i miss the warmth warmth of the graspclasped onto me with both handsholy hand holding hand hold my handi remember i surrender to falsity and ill conceived connotation taught to believe misinformation that my purpose wa purposeful but it s all for man s profitand the only true prophet is the soothsayerand the soothsayer is an entity of many layersa coterie educates on blanket of misconceptionblanket me so i ll be warm full and fret freedisrobe me so i ll be broken open and emptyall i take is blue pill to calm mebut all i really intake is falsitythese line are just stanza so do a you willlife demand a mind of stabilitynot insanity but insane is written all over meso take your fake pill and snort up these linesor waste it all get ill and snort white lineswhite lie won t kill right get wasted don t wake up just wait for you to fucking taste itit s never enoughtake your blind pleasure freedom and delight it your birthrightfree will do a you willbut think twice before they put you on the spotlight because once they have you chained up you convert into a cenobite with no change you secure your own chainsand if you re unbothered call me deranged may a well fasten the rope and stay restrained no one s going to save you except the latter so choose a life of false glamour or have it shatterthe pain is worth itonce you re open you can truly observe it unlearn it be free from the cage or stay locked in and fall into the greyits all a fucking rat race,1
i cant bear not being beatiful im a man not girl i just can t i cant begin to process how i myself and be le beatiful im gon na die soon but i havent quiited my job i make good saving each month i have some other bunch of saved money how can i have some clean fun no s x no drug or should i try to help others gift food school supply clothes to those who need it i know i can donate my eyeball and no one will care because my face isnt beatiful beauty of the face is literally what made human conciousness how do i face the use of money since i wont be needing it in old age which ill never reach,1
i m tired of only having people that don t listen to me i m tired of codependency i m tired of my brain always going so fast and there s no calming it either i m fucking tired i do not want to live anymore i ve fucked up my life and there s no fixing it because it wa doomed from the start it seems like i m doing great but i m not i should be but i m not no one care about me my friend couldn t care le about what i have to say they just want me to listen i don t want to listen anymore the one person i wanted to care i realize now doesn t give a fuck about me he listens to her though she is heather and i m meaningless so i m done being in the way of the two they can have eachother i will go i m in the way that s all i ever am i m an annoying thing people can t get rid of i m a weight on everyone s shoulder i m tired of living and i m done with it,1
i m currently on 0mgs daily but i just couldn t do it anymore it s all just so hard i ve only just taken them so don t have any symptom yet i ve only taken the fluoxetine and nothing else is this enough to kill me i m slightly underweight do i need to go to a hospital or just tell someone i don t know what to do i live with my parent and i feel really bad but i still don t want to live anymore,1
i really fucking can t but i can t take my life either so i ll be a whiny bitch as and make my fourth post on here or something saying the same fucking thing i m so tired it hurt so much i just want the pain to stop wa fucking 0 when i first tried to km thing don t get better nope they don t year on they ve only gotten worse i really can t do this,1
i ve been suicidal on and off for just over year i ve been in therapy for i ve been on antidepressant for i just got out of the psych ward for the first time and now i m in a stupid zoom partial program i ve been taught countless coping skill and way of managing difficult emotion through cbt dbt act you fucking name it they re suggesting that i go to a residential program for a few week but there s no cure for depression everyone keep talking to me about college but i can barely think a month into the future never mind a year and thinking of the whole rest of my life just stretching out ahead of me just make me exhausted i m expected to keep doing this for like 0 more year at the end of the day i just can t imagine going on like this forever and i know it get better and all that bullshit but i m so sick and tired of waiting for better sure there are better day but that just make it all the more frustrating when the bad one come i m ready for this just to be over,1
life is just not for me it seems to be working out great for literally everyone else i m supposed to sit around and wait for better day or a miracle to happen what is the point my life ha 0 meaning no relationship no friend no accomplishment just emptiness im tired of living i m tired of being alone hating everything about myself my life wondering why god gave me this life just to sit here and be miserable for year meanwhile everywhere i look is family couple smile thing that i wanted but will never achieve and i give up i ll be happier gone than i ever experienced alive and the most sad part is no one will ever know i m gone i even feel stupid and sorry for myself posting this i am not looking for sympathy or anything just needed to get that out there,1
i cant take no more a knock come on my door i open it and oh farewell my sweet friend darkness fill the room but the flower will soon bloom it coming to an end farewell my sweet friend i dont care anymore nor i can take no more no way out of this farewell my sweet friend,1
first of all this feeling is killing me i m probably not a bad person and i ve done bad thing and hurt people and now those people have turned their back on me my trauma have haunted me i don t feel alive the whole world is in against me in my worst moment i don t want to live anymore the only thing i can offer is hate hate and hate nothing make me change i can t anymore i m going to die in vain but i can t be alive this pain go on beyond something emotional it is deeper i can t make someone believe in me i ll just do it for my pride,1
i m not going to attempt suicide but i may admit myself to a mental hospital because my college class are actually sending me into hypomanic episode what doe a college do when you miss a few day or even week due to a serious mental health condition i have all a and if i lose those i will become even more unstable,1
i want to preface this by stating that i haven t gone to anyone about this nor have i attempted to get help realistically it s just my mind actively stopping me because in some sick and twisted way it belief that i m okay i m and currently enrolled at georgia southern a a freshman while i have struggled with mild depression in the past it all really started going downhill when i lost my dog in june of last year my dog had to be put down and it wa heartbreaking i had to watch my parent and sister cry while i sat there trying to be strong i let myself fall into that typical stereotype that men aren t supposed to cry i regret it i wish i had shown some emotion then but it s neither here nor there at this point what matter is that she had been in my life since i wa a kid i grew up with her and it felt like my world crumbled beneath the weight of her loss my girlfriend at the time helped me through it a lot and wa an enormous amount of help when it came to my happiness at the time it didn t last however i had reluctantly enrolled into college and honestly felt forced to go the first two week honestly weren t too bad i enjoyed my time and thought i would get through pretty easy then me and my now ex broke up this absolutely crushed me having my dog put down being practically forced into college and now i just got out of the first major relationship i ve had all within the span of month it wa such a slow but inevitable spiral into the worst depression i would ever face my ex and i would continue having contact with each other for the rest of that semester she tried to help me feel better but i got so much worse i no longer had a grasp on who i wa and wa just trying to stitch myself back together again i never got better i struggled for the rest of the semester my grade were awful and my physical health had declined a good bit a well when halloween rolled around i attempted to commit suicide i took about half a bottle of melatonin which wa me trying to attempt but obviously that wouldn t work because it s melatonin i wa a dumbass who wa desperately trying to end it all with anything i could get my hand on well i lived then november passed and it wa finally december a month i enjoy because of it s stress free nature around this time my ex and i were actually recuperating we both still had feeling for each other while we never got back together december wa actually nice and i felt happy for the first time in a while then december ended and the new year came along i wanted to focus solely on bettering myself and although my ex and i were starting to somewhat get along again i wanted to cut off all contact i wasn t good for her and she wasn t good for me or that s what i believe to be true from then on i focused on myself i tried to be more sociable and tried to express my feeling more often to my friend it wa working kind of towards the end of january i attempted again at the time i felt like i had made no progress and i thought i wa stuck being a bad person forever so i used some strong prescription pain killer don t remember the name i made it pill in and vomited something must ve clicked inside me because this wa a turning point the entirety of february wa pretty good i felt happy and i enjoyed so much of life i talked to my parent about not wanting to do college and the fact that i broke up with my ex yes it took me month to tell my parent i wa scared to they were understanding and said they d let me live there a long a i had a job i also explained to them that i wanted to do something else in life then what i previously had said to them i wa majoring in computer science because i really wanted to be a programmer but realized that i didn t actually enjoy it i had tried to do some coding on the side and i just didn t have fun with it what i did have fun with though wa disc golf it wa something that helped me feel better about myself because i wa constantly improving in particular i had started to take it seriously around the beginning of january and by the time i talked to my parent i felt really confident and wa thinking of going pro in the future they shut it down because it s rare to succeed in sport and if anything it would be up to luck after that entire conversation about me not being able to be who i wanted i had signed a lease to live with my sister down near the college since we both go there i did not have any intention of going to school for a second year because it wa not good for my mental health i even told my parent that i didn t want to continue college but they said that i have to because the rent where my sister and i are going to be living is too high to pay without a student loan now i m here reluctantly signing up for class next semester all while feeling i have no purpose in life my parent won t support my actually dream and would rather me find some 9 that ll at least keep me living paycheck to paycheck so i m struggling to really know who i am still while slowing piecing myself together in an attempt to better myself i m having a shitty time in college due to several thing dragging me downwards into depression my parent won t support me in what i actually want to do and are instead forcing me to do a second year of school i just don t have the energy or motivation to keep going everything is so extremely stressful right now and it s just been all one slow build up my self image ha absolutely plummeted and i m ashamed to really even go outside anymore because i hate the way i look i feel like i have absolutely no purpose anymore because of all the mixed message i m getting from my family the only thing i don t have right now that i want is a way out i have ibuprofen that i could overdose with but i ve looked it up and it seems too painful and it probably won t kill me i have a car that i could crash of course but i don t want to drag anyone else into this nor do i feel like it s reliable enough of a way out i could try to drown myself in the lake on campus but i ve already tried drowning myself in 0 0 and that didn t pan out well i just want something simple and effective i don t have the money unfortunately i haven t found the courage motivation to get a job i want this feeling to be gone i ll still try to work on myself but a this tightening in my chest get stronger and stronger each day i m not sure i ll make it,1
i just need someone to talk to or distraction and sympathy,1
i want to go but i m afraid of what s there after idk religion i guess i feel pretty pathetic all the time but i m thinking like maybe in a few month sometime this year i just need clear answer on how and when the right time i guess soon i just need relief,1
my story is nothing compared to everyone else here it s such a stupid reason to post i know but i still wanted to say it please hate on me if you d like cause i deserve it there this girl i recenetly met from my college program for month so far obv with everything being online i have only met her irl once at school but i have severe social anxiety and always have been an introvert since i wa in like middle school so i couldnt talk to her that day i actaully even purposly avoided her because i dont know why we also live far away from each other with the college being hour away for u both but for each others house it hour so this would be a long distance relationship if i ever asked her out which i never will but it an idea before i met her i wa always sad with my life not studying playing game all day not going outside eating unhealthy spending money unwisely no friend and also with my parent not caring about me or talking to me at all so i wa alone and lonely i wa actaully thinking about killing myself because i wa just so done with life and thought there wa nothing left to do in life but literally right after i wa thinking about suicide i met her after meeting her i have been eating healthy studying with her playing game with her exercised because she told me to and she is just someone i can always talk to we basically talk to each other everyday with over 000 message and she is really a joy to talk with ive never really liked anyone this much in my life shes just perfect shes funny kind beautiful thoughtful trustworthy sweet list go on i like her too much and it now starting to affect the thought in my head im constantly thinking everyday how im unable to always be beside her how we will only stay a friend how we cant ever hang out together like friend normally do me not being able to say a word in front of her irl it just make me so fucking sad im such a fciuking loser and i hate it i hate anxiety i hate depression i hate my life ive grown too attached to her and i just cant stop having these thought in my head im also mad ugly so im also insecure about that im back to being suicidal but idk yet today we had an in person lecture that wa mandatory and i sat in the corner a i always do far far away from the people and she came in and sat right beside me i shouldve been happy i should have been gratful that we could be together in that short moment but my anxiety got the best of me and i ran away from her left the class left the school and went back home when i came home i saw so many message she ha sent me and i havent replied yet nor have i looked at it i dont know what to do anymore thanks for reading let me know how much of a dipshit i am please,1
being trans fucking suck kayleigh will never pas therapist are ghosting her so there s no help not to mention on top of that having a piece of shit father and failing school doesn t exactly help just need to end it so the pain can finally stop but too much of a pussy to do it fuck everyone who say it ll get better kayleigh ha heard that for the longest time now and not once ha it gotten better,1
it hasn t gotten any better i did it almost year ago and the feeling of trying again ha gotten worse no matter how much i try it s not good enough i m trying to go to school i m trying to find a job i m trying to shower more and blah blah blah but no i m still too lazy my hair is too greasy i smell i m a fucking failure don t get why they act so much higher than me you failed that exam you got fired you didn t do the school work how the fuck are you going to look at someone who can t afford all the thing you have and blame them like it s their fault no i can t afford shampoo no i can t afford food no i can t afford a car or even the fucking lesson we couldn t wash clothes for a week but i shouldn t smell sorry let me pull out my imaginary washing machine my imaginary money to buy a car my imaginary money to buy the game you have the food you have the soap and whatever the fuck else i don t have because i don t have the fucking money let s also forget the fact my parent haven t been working properly for almost year and the amount of shit we owe which you don t deal with which is why you have all that shit they look at me in disgust you should come out more you re just lazy you don t want me there anyway which is why i walk metre behind don t have proper conversation because you wont talk back or am completely forgotten about when you go out i m fucking trying i do my best in exam i do my best to shower often or to eat often or to get a job you just don t see that i live very different to you i m trying my best to not kill myself every fucking day the thought didn t just disappear when i got out of hospital you know the same place you laugh at me for going the only reason why i don t jump in front of a car when we are together is because i don t want you to see the mess left behind i have a box full of tablet and a bottle of morphine i m sure something there will kill me and i m ok with it,1
i just want the pain to end i really want to die my life is not going anywhere i ve got no friend no future etc i m just so completely exhausted and sick of it all i wish i wasn t so sensitive but i just can t take this anymore,1
my therapist and psychiatrist say they can t fire me if i follow the protocol and that the program will help me work while doing iop the iop program would only be hour a day on day a week so i could still work part of the time could my job fire me for doing iop worst case scenario i would be able to bounce back but it would be difficult,1
i just got done with my psychiatrist appointment i don t feel good about it medication dosage got increased again that s all my life is medication therapy trying to make thing work and get better but it never happens i feel numb i don t feel anything at all right now the pain is so overwhelming i just can t feel anything i m one day away from being three week clean it doesn t matter i really feel like i m going to kill myself today i don t have enough medication to do it here and i need another method i know nobody care not really at the end of the day nobody care i m tired of being alone i m sure it s my own fault somehow everything s always my own fault i m tired i don t want to sleep i want to die,1
i feel so lost and out of control with my emotion i don t know what to do with my free time nothing seems to bring me joy i keep thinking of way to end it all without impacting my family and child but who will find me i don t want to traumatize someone i fight with my wife all the time i don t feel wanted or loved,1
my best friend and i recently started hooking up and last night when we got back extremely drunk from a club i twice attempted to make a move on her which made her really uncomfortable i didn t remember the event and she told me this morning my friendship is ruined and i don t know what to do now i would never intentionally make her feel uncomfortable and i hate myself for what happened i don t want or think i can get any redemption and i want to end it,1
it s that bad,1
it too much for me to ask one person in the world to like me,1
this is it,1
feel like there s just too many problem to address at this point everyday i try to hold out in hope of something somehow getting better but it somehow feel like i m never at the bottom of the hill at this point i m only alive so that some people don t feel sad or guilty but honestly i m getting to a point where i don t really give a shit if i m dead i won t have to experience or see the pain that they will ultimately feel from the death so who give a shit,1
when i female wa a very young kid i wa exposed to unrestricted internet access i watched a lot of porn and i recently remembered at time i would watch bestiality and animal mating i wa young and didnt know what i wa watching i didnt know what the feeling i wa having were i remember once i tried to get my dog to lick me when i wa it didnt happen because thank god i realized how weird it wa and stopped before anything happened im now and not attracted to animal at all im scared that maybe i wa when i wa young but i wonder maybe i wasnt attracted to them just curious to sex of all kind because i wasnt aware of it at the time im experiencing suicidal thought and so worried i should kill myself do you think i should kill myself am i overreacting im desperate for advice and reassurance but if i dont deserve reassurance go ahead and tell me how disgusting a human i am,1
i don t understand i read it would be lethal to take this much at once but i feel perfectly fine i know i m just going to get a bunch of people telling me to go to a hospital but what s up with this shouldn t i be dead,1
my dad killed himself and it left me with a feeling like i want to kill everyone in my family who s moved on since then i m his only child my brother is now a stranger to me my mother is my father s killer i am his only survivor i want to kill myself,1
i d love to just to die i dont have friend or family member that care about me haha no one will be sad when im gone which is good honestly but like i mentioned the possibility of religion being real scare me and it the only reason thats stopping me from ending it one day i wont care and i ll do it but it not today sadly,1
your life your rule but why can t i finally make myself rest it s selfish but isn t making someone stay just for you to not feel bad also is they ll stop you but will only make you feel alone after a few week or so shouldn t we all ultimately live for ourselves why is suicide such a bad thing is it just because it s deemed morally wrong all of this ha probably been said a couple time i m sorry it s funny how the only thing that keep me going is that one musical group and my other hobby is this really it,1
thing are not going to get better so why cant i just find the courage to die cant even cut cause school just found out and took all my blade,1
i wake up feeling guilty everyday i truly do feel like people would be happier without me of course i know that s not true but the feeling eats away at my soul everyday all i can constantly think about is the money that s ha been spent on me i feel sick looking at myself in the mirror i don t feel worthy for myself i don t feel worthy for others either i just want to be enough i just want to feel normal doing the simplest thing like breathing fill me with dread and worry when i m around others i ve never had a super close friend though i never really got out a a kid i never really felt understood i find it hard to believe that one day i will feel comfortable with myself because this feeling ha plagued me ever since i wa a child i look forward to when i sleep because that s when i m not limited and i feel free the thought of dying painlessly and giving into the void is what soothes me when i m stressed or sad i want to keep going but it s been so long of me being useless i don t know how to catch up i feel so much dread in simply existing,1
title every day is a struggle gym help a bit but it s temporary i can t take this life anymore for long,1
i got into fasting couple of year ago and trained myself to go long without food i did month of just coffee and water last year im not joking i didnt die because i wa very overweight i lost a lot of weight and gained some back doe to depression eating this time iam going to push myself till i collapse i know i can dont ask me why it unfixable thats about it hope that yall are better,1
hey guy today i opened up to my boyfriend for the first time in a while about all the mental turmoil i ve been going through a part of me want to cut it off i love him dearly but i just feel like i ll be a burden to him for the rest of my life if i stay is it selfish to leave or selfish to stay if i knew he d be fine if i knew he d make it and be happy with someone else one day i would leave i would spend all the money i have chasing fleeting happiness until i m ready to go i wish i could erase the memory from his head so he can just know peace,1
commit suicide or selfharm,1
tagged nsfw tw mention of suicidal ideation and suicide attempt the idea of suicide is comforting it is all that i ve known the idea of ending the constant misery i feel is weirdly enough the only thing stopping me from doing it besides a select number of friend a it truly is comfortable to me to be sitting in the cesspool of apathy and hatred for myself i feel every day usually when i m depressed i feel the apathy and it slowly just turn to numbness but something is different this time around do you ever feel almost the thrill of suicide or rather do you ever almost feel excitement when you re done grieving what your life could would have been lately i ve felt at peace over my self grieving and i do not like that a i have been desperately trying to stay afloat and the tiny push i would usually give myself to ground myself is gone i ve only ever felt this rush when i attempted and the aftermath destroys me every single time this feeling is almost like some time of euphoric high that i cant stop chasing i hate my life and i hate feeling like this but aren t some people meant to be dished the worst card to balance out nature,1
this is pointless this is all pointless living loving everything there only one thing one person i want more than death and i can t have him nobody want me around so whats the point of wasting my time suffering for no reason when all i do is waste air and people time a i force them to hang out with me nobody actually seek to hang out with me it s always me being lonely and wanting to hang out and them not having any excuse to say no they are indifferent if i leave or not indifferent if i die or not maybe i d get a pity aww like if a friend family member died you don t know them you just say aww out of sympathy sometimes i want sympathy i want someone to pretend for just a moment that they want me and they want to hug me and truly mean it people think i m always just saying depressing thing to fish for sympathy and hell what if i am maybe i need it maybe i need someone to actually care even for just a second about how shitty my life is my mind constantly go in circle awful stupid terrible circle of hatred i hate myself i hate the people around me i hate life i cut the people around me out of my life for their sake and mine and all it doe it make me hate myself and them even more im so desperate i can hardly stop myself from crawling back to them even though it only hurt me more i don t know how to solve this suicide is so painful and i m a pussy so there aren t many option i don t think i can stand to make it more year to be to buy a gun there ha to be something i can do in the mean time anyone with idea lmk lt,1
this decision is final hopefully i don t get forced to take my anti depressant they make me sleepy which completely remove my motive to get up and start sawing thanks for reading i guess,1
i m not interested in life there thing i d like to do but i have no money to experience them i dont have friend or any girl to share a relationship with life is bland i have a job interview tomorrow i ll probably get it now i ll have to show up and sell 0hrs of my life doing something i could care le about for some money i hate everything it s not enjoyable pandemic ruined everything a girl i started really liking doesn t want to see me anymore because i m not vaxed that one definitely hurt a bit she went cold on me please skip the anti pro vax debate i m over it amp i m not anti i dont like leaving the house or dealing with people i dont see any point in this thing called life it just drain me and i d like it to end it simply exhausting amp i get 0 enjoyment from it it feel like a sadistic game i just want it to end i wont hurt myself i dont think i will i dont know if i m depressed i either feel nothing or anger i envy people who are blissfully happy enjoying life i d give anything to have that i dont need everything to be great but i d at least like to not hate day to day life i dont have much left in me anymore i dont see the point in continuing playing this dumb game of collecting money for thing and meaningless relationship i want to be nothing,1
let say i m on probation and let say i have a few traffic citation let also say that i could very well be put in prison for not paying those citation but let include that i don t have any money what would happen to those citation and the probation if i were to end it i ve been miserable for year every thing that happens to me is literally just the worst shit you could think of i m exceedingly mentally ill with a disorder that ha with no cure and can t be treated with medication i don t want to do this anymore so what will happen to all of those cost,1
i think everybody on the internet forgets that the people they talk to online are actual people behind the screen people with real life with friend and family and their own personal issue i know it s hard to remember that sometimes especially when everybody just publicly post when they are at their best and doesn t want to share any of the negative or boring part of their life but everybody here is a real person people on the internet have a startling lack of empathy never even a little bit taking into consider anyone else s feeling or experience people just say awful thing and are surprised when others retaliate people these day especially younger teen are so terrible at understanding that other people may have life apart from what they are willing to show online and i think that is going to have devastating consequence on them a they get older,1
anybody 0 year old and up in south florida that want to talk,1
everyone say talk to u we re here but when i tell them i want to order off of uber eats and leave my door open so when the delivery guy come he ll find me hanging and that way my family and friend won t have to find my rotting corpse day later they re like what the fuck i don t know if i ll do it but i feel like buying a rope practice tying a noose and planning it out i don t know if it s dangerous to do this because i ll finally have everything i need to actually kill myself or maybe doing it will actually make me chicken out and want to stay around a little bit longer also i don t want to leave my family saddled with my death so i sometimes think about crashing my car on the highway so it look like an accident and my insurance pay them out i want to be able to tell people that this is what i m thinking but when i even begin to let them in it s terrifying for them they want to tell my best friend or my mom or my doctor but nobody is actually there to just listen and not react so i m stuck with these thought on my own,1
i ve been really struggling with suicidal thought these past few week currently i am in a situation where i do not have access to any professional help therapy i ve isolated myself during this time a well so i ve not talked to my friend recently honestly i don t know what to do i ve been thinking about talking to a friend about this but i don t want to be a burden or trauma dump,1
i can barely live with me i am all the time closed in my mind i can not describe it better i can not focus on anything i can not sustain a conversation i get very overwhelmed by everything if i do very little house cleaning i get very overwhelmed i feel lonely in my life nobody understands me neither my wife nor my parent or brother or grandparent i might be on the autistic spectrum i am so done with my life so done i can not continue like this anymore i have to die i live on my wife s incoming i so want to die,1
every little thing i do every step i take i regret it after i think too much about how what i do will affect others to the point where i just want to fade away and not exist i can t get over my failure a long a i have a constant reminder of them it s impossible and i can t bear it anymore i wish thing didn t happen like this i wish thing didn t continue like this i just want thing to improve but there s no sign nothing i feel so done,1
i am falling and no one is there to catch me the one that say they will be and care can t be bothered to even listen to me fully anymore i have outworn my welcome here i don t want to deal with this pain or the voice in my head telling me i will never be enough i want to end it so badly but i can t bc i have important obligation that need me and it would destroy if i left and i love them but god i am so tired of being in this pain,1
im a faliure i have no friend i have shit grade i dont find anything interesting i just wan na die i dont know what to do,1
god i feel so constantly out of place i feel like i m always being bothered and anxious i hate it i just want to be alone i would give anything if i could do online again i just feel so anxious and sad at school even with my own friend i just would give anything if i could be by myself i hate it so bad it s so cold and desolate,1
i ve the same feeling now of sickness when i wa doing my attempt to suicide year ago or about that time i feel sick physically i m sick i failied in life i failed in every decision i ve made i failed in loving my ex i failied loving my family i failed being a good friend i failed being obedient i failed i failed,1
hello family i m here to just talk a little about how i feel and plan for my future recently a new gun law wa passed in ohio where i live i no longer have to be to buy a handgun i don t need a ccw nor can they do a background check it go into affect in day the age is the only thing that used to restrict me from buying but soon enough that will change i m so tired of feeling to way i do my son mom make everything so difficult to the point where it would just be easier on everyone if i wa gone and leave my son with a could be would be dad and save him from seeing how i actually am sometimes i get excited to be able to watch my son grow up but then i remember how much of a brick wall the mother is going to be and then i m right back down the spiral i never got out of in the first place she ha absolutely no regard to my feeling i m just tired of the hurt tired of being deceived and tired of being tired i want it to end and the only end in sight i see is the fire arm and before anyone say it no the mother is not the cause of all my problem nor wa she the beginning of it all i ve felt this way since th grade i m now 0 amp graduated in 0 0 and ha been getting worse ever since i ve tried medicine never felt a difference i ve tried drug but in the end they just make me feel worse i want to be there for my son but i can t with her i m pretty self aware and understand that some of the thing i say are selfish in the eye of some but it s just how i feel and i have no one to talk to so here i am i really appreciate anyone who take minute out of their day to read my message,1
it s been year since i ve any kind of intimate relationship i ve tried over and over and over to get a girl of any kind and it always end the same they leave me on read or open within two day and honestly i m just a huge loser and i m ready to crash my car and die so if anyone would like to know why i did it there it is i m a fucking failure,1
i m a frequent poster here i ve struggled all my life with these feeling thing seemed like they were getting better i wa genuinely happy and then it got taken away again i live in shitty section housing i wa kicked out several year ago and i ve been struggling to stay afloat since my mother and i recently discussed me moving back home which wa le than ideal she bought a condo and offered it to me she even suggested i get a roommate i wa overjoyed my so could move in my best friend could move it it seemed wonderful and then once i already signed the paper to move out in two month my mother told me to stop looking for a roommate she ha been considering moving into the larger bedroom and taking my kid sister with her leaving me alone in the smaller bedroom with no support and i have no place to argue against this she bought me a new car a an early birthday gift she s paying for me to go through school i m currently struggling to keep my grade up and she s rightfully angry about it my apartment is messy and she s mad about that too rightfully so i am going to lose my privacy and be stuck in the tiny condo with her without support from my so and my best friend my mother is very controlling so i know i won t be able to play video game or talk to my friend in peace it ll just be lecturing do your homework look for a better job etc etc i don t have the motivation for either i barely have motivation to go to my current job she doesn t get that i m so incredibly depressed and suicidal every single fucking day i just got rejected for a better job and now on top of all that i ll be stuck in a confined space with her with no freedom again and i ll probably become babysitter again for the child i pretty much raised for her it s not fair,1
my chest feel so heavy and tight im having trouble breathing im nauseous and my head hurt so much,1
i f am really at a loss right now and don t want to talk to anyone i actually know about it i failed at college left my good job for my toxic ex husband divorced in a new relationship that is turning out to be toxic a well making salary i used to renting a house i can no longer afford i don t know how i will ever get myself out of the situation i ve dug myself into at this point i ve distanced myself from the few people i wa actually close with the only reason i haven t killed myself yet is because it would destroy my mom and probably put my brother back into active addiction after year sober i don t have insurance to afford therapy i guess i m just venting and trying to make up my mind of what to do if anything,1
a girl i absolutely love left me and doesnt want me to be apart of her life at all anymore due to too many argument in the relationship she lost her trust in me but i cant seem to get all the memory of u out of my head i love her and it hasnt gotten any easier i just dont know if i can handle the pain much longer,1
plz,1
i tried to od on tylenol and took like 0 pill ended up tripping ball then throwing up and being miserable for the rest of the night now i have some sort of phobia in which i can not even think about taking pill without getting extremely nauseous anyone know how to overcome this new fear is there a better subreddit to ask this question,1
i hope everyone ha a wonderful life you all deserve good thing i m too tired,1
idk i guess this is a vent or something but whatever lately everything ha been okay like daily wise school is okay i guess just wish every math lesson didn t either leave me with a headache or panic attack slamming door and yelling just remind me of my childhood and always sends me into a panic attack today i had two in different class i m hard of hearing and i have hearing aid i wish that i could turn them off or take them out whilst the yelling and shit wa happening but i m always in that state of freeze and panic i m the new kid no one seems to notice it which is fine home is okay there is just court and custody shit going on since my mother and father can t make one agreement now me and my brother have to go to court and get like attornies or some shit like that to settle it down i don t know i m exhausted i don t feel like living rn i feel like everyone hate me and is drifting away and i can t handle that i m clean of self harm though i m probably gon na break that after this post i ve been thinking a lot about offing myself i m so tired i don t wan na live anymore i can t live anymore to be honest i m just struggling so much fuck i can t even make it a full week of school i got sexually assaulted by my cousin on the weekend and i feel like it s my fault i just really need an escape but even getting high can t block out all the shit that go on in my head i don t wan na fail like last time i tried offing myself just too many question and everything what am i meant to do i do see a therapist and everything but i feel like it doesn t help i don t wan na be alive anymore i really don t,1
i recently broke up with my boyfriend of year and it s because of something awful i did but i don t know what to do anymore because i ve lost all my friend and everyone close to me found out about me and now i have no one i don t know what to do and i can t take it anymore,1
i m never enough why do people always leave why do i always scare them away i can t anymore i want everyone to be happy but i cant do it im not enough for them i wish i can make a difference i feel so alone right now i want to disappear,1
i feel like i have no redeeming quality deficient in everything no determination strength ambition intelligence virtue im not even beautiful im ugly a shit and my personality is even uglier i just isolate myself now i can t even be bothered to try making new relationship anymore i ruin all of them with my horrible personality i dont even have to try ive sorta accepted that ill probably die alone it doesnt bother me a much now but the fact that ill have to live with this ugly face body and mind make me physically ill i just feel so fucking useless like the side character whod get killed off in the first two episode haha im literally such a goddamn loser it almost funny,1
idk man i just really like pool and cleaning product i also love strong menthol cough drop and vics vapor rub idk if it a harmful tho is this not a good thing should i tell someone,1
all i want is to be loved no i need to be loved i only ever end up in abusive relationship im an object i am always used the people i ve loved more than anything have hurt me more than anything i just want to be loved but i will only ever be abused,1
my depression ha gotten much worse lately but i haven t told anyone how bad it is not even my wife because she s still grieving her mom who passed away last month and i don t want to add to her trouble i ve been having suicidal thought again but so far no intent to actually end my life however i have relapsed into self harm again and i think it s worse than it ha been before like i can t end myself because my wife and kid need me and i m now the only income earner in the house so i need to provide for my family so i m doing the next best thing and hurting myself thus why i m hesitant to tell my therapist how bad it s gotten i d voluntarily committed myself a couple year ago when i wa suicidal and told my wife so i know how that go but i know there is a risk that if my therapist think is dire enough i can be involuntarily committed and i can t afford to miss any work right now i don t know what to do i know i don t have a lot of time to decide because my next therapist appointment is in a few hour,1
sometimes i feel like living and dreaming but most of the time i just want to sleep and never wake up i can t decide if i should die or live nothing is joyful anymore nothing make me happy and i don t love anyone rnough to live for them just in case what s a painless and quick way to go,1
going home make me want to kill myself,1
i just bought 0 paracetamol a 0ml bottle of vodka and some coke to balance it out i love my mom i feel like shit this happened like 0 0 0 but my crush at uni played me flirted and cuddled with me for two day only to fuck another girl right in front of my eye and after chasing him and being rejected i got bullied by our friendship group everyone cut me out and stopped talking to me he fell in love with me after i told him something private and made a playlist with song about me on his phone and i fell into a psychotic episode right in front of him i believed i could use telepathy to communicate with him i wa fully convinced he wa on heroin and took heroin for me because i d hear other thought inside of my own head i ve never loved anyone the way that i loved him and he s verbally told me to fuck off and that he doesn t want anything to do with me it kill me to know i ll never be with him when i could have university wa my last opportunity and the psychotic episode i had led to me fucking it all up i ended up dropping out and spent month in the psych ward and nothing will ever feel the same again i ll never have child or get married because i have asperger s so i fake my way through any and all conversation i lie and hide and smile but i don t have anything to say i just wanted to tell at least one person this i m going to kill myself and this is the end edit i ve taken half of the pill and i m not that drunk so i want to keep going edit had pill with coke and vodka before i felt like i needed to puke dry heaving and threw away the bottle and pill,1
hey everyone it s me ifiwasanotaku sorry that i ended up deleting it all last time but i gave it all some time and i don t think i can sustain this life anymore a i planned before i will be dying on th april but i just wanted to reach out to everyone who reached back to me that night and asked me to think some more i will always appreciate you all and all you did i m ugly and unlovable and i don t deserve this all i hope you ll forgive me for making your effort go to waste thank you again for everything,1
already been on ssri s and they didn t do anything i don t desire companionship or want relationship just want to kill the desire entirely,1
i have been told by several people including my brother to kill myself recently it really just seems like everyone want me dead i ve been thinking and i know how i could do it the only thing keeping me alive is my dog but when he dy i die i cant deal with the bullying and toxicity anymore,1
i just think about dying almost every god damn minute and it so annoying,1
everyday i want to km but can t i ve even stood on the edge of a building ready to jump but don t how can i summon the courage to actually go through with it i hate living i hate the idea of having to do a 9 until i m 0 or 0 and have 0 0 year of limited freedom my ex broke up with me she say she doesn t have the energy to hang out with me anymore i have nothing to live for how do i just go through with it and take that dirt nap i m sure none of you can give advice on how to actually go through with it but idk maybe i just need to vent maybe i m hoping someone will give me advice i don t know what i m doing with this post,1
i constantly have negative suicidal thought and i need it to stop,1
so last year i made two attempt one after the other and i ve been going to the psychiatrist and psychologist ever since thank goodness i m feeling a little bit better but everytime i get sick and take medicine my stomach act up and i get diarrhea i don t know if this is the right place to ask but if anybody is a doctor could i ask you if this are psychological sequel or body sequel since my method both time wa through overdosing a bunch of pill,1
i m not sure if this is the right subreddit to go to but i don t know where else to go my spouse ha struggled with severe depression his whole life it is genetic his dad wa the same any amount of pressure make him worse he constantly feel a though life is not worth living and he s a lost cause he will never feel okay and just want the pain to go away we have a baby coming any day now and i wa worried that pressure wa gon na send him over the edge we have been talking about having him voluntarily go to a psych ward and see if they can help kinda a a last ditch effort before i just give him permission to end it today he talked to his counselor about going to one in a few week after the baby wa here and they came and picked him up an hour later he is pissed doesn t want to be there which i understand is normal he feel completely betrayed by his councellor and never want to go back i m worried that now he is going to pretend like he is fine just to get out the point of this is to get help why won t he just take it i m scared the mental hospital won t help at all i just need you guy who have been there before to be honest with me did it help what thing helped and what made it worse if it doe help or when he come back home what are some thing i can do to continue the healing process or just make his life easier anything else you feel to share please do i hate not knowing thing and this is really killing me right now,1
my girlfriend finally left me my depression drove our relationship into ruin it also drove my relationship with my family into the ground i feel so hopeless i feel so much sorrow and so much rage toward myself i m not emotionally stable one negative thing can put my mental state so deep in the negative i don t know what to do anymore but killing myself i feel tired all the time i try to work for something but then i fail and can t pick it back up cause of my exhaustion why is it so painful watching the people you love leave knowing you can t blame anyone but yourself and they think i m not trying hard enough or i dont care about them i just can t win the battle in my head with my depression and my anxiety i wa never religious but i started praying for god lately to end my life please i just want to go and rest i just want to be at peace,1
i wa planning to kill myself from the last month i just wanted to spend whatever time i had with my friend and family i met up with my friend last week for what would be the last time so that wa done then i wanted to spend some time with my parent which i did yesterday and only my grandparent remained so i spent some time with them today and i decided that would jump from some tall building in the night but my grandmother surprised me with something she call dosa party so yes dosas stopped me today but i don t know that i can face tomorrow i really don t know,1
hello idk what to do anymore my dick is fucking broken and i can t feel it anymore look up hard flaccid if you want to know it i hatey life now have little sexual interest and feel worthless idk if i ever can have fun with sex again and i m still only 0 i had my life to live but it seems over also i have some fucked up familiy and mental health problem i don t wvtn know where i ll be next year all my goal and ambition are lost i just want to end the pain is there any easy and minimal pain way to die,1
it s been year of fighting with my brain everyday i last attempted a month ago and it wa honestly traumatizing i know it s only a waiting game till i give up again i m just sick of failed attempt and it s the only reason i m putting it off i m so over everything i didn t go to therapy this week because i couldn t face having to talk i feel so broken and unable to deal with anything and idk what to do,1
hey guy i ve been depressed for a while now and have passive suicidal thought every day my younger sister is excelling earning lot of money travelling and living life to the full which is fantastic and i am so proud of her but i can t help comparing my low energy life lack of any friend and absence of any passion or achievement to hers a after all we came from the same weird parent if i end it the only people it would affect would be my mum she deserves better than what i have to offer but i don t know how to make her proud she must be so sick of me i just don t know what i am meant to do i m on a low income salary riddled with debt flunked university because of weed addiction i have essentially ruined my life i just wish i could press rewind on the last 0 year or at least start afresh by allowing my life energy to pas on to someone who could utilise it better what to do,1
i am told that my perfectionism is unproductive and unrealistic that i can not perform excellently on every task i set to that this is no reason to panic and consider the worst and yet the world itself is perfection obsessed we applaud prodigy exclude people who don t perform perfectly from higher academic program idolise perfect work i can t bear it these thought are not just figment of my imagination they are very real and true i can t just dismiss them because they are uncomfortable,1
i just want to get it over with i hate living every day knowing one day it s going to end i hate the fact that i exist at all i try to get advice from people they either tell me basically to deal with it or turn back to religion which isn t happening neither one of those doe a damn thing for me what the fuck do i do i want to blow my brain out so i don t have to worry about it anymore just get it over with losing religion wa the worst thing that ever happened to me i wa so happy when i thought god wa real now i know the truth and life mean nothing pointless,1
not sure if anyone can relate i feel like probably not on this subreddit so i do apologise if it s rude to post here but i want to die i just don t want to kill myself i can t wait for life to be over but i don t want to just end it i want to smoke to speed up the process and i just feel a little nihilistic i wouldn t really call myself suicidal but i don t think i ll be sad when i die either,1
at my lowest low i become very apathetic or very angry at the majority of people and object around me i feel so lonely and making good friend and dating are so difficult for me while i understand this is difficult for many people i m only really focused on myself and how i feel because when i wa suicidal last year it wa due to not caring about myself now i care about myself but i hate other people for not caring about me in the way i want them to care about me i also have basically no money i make very little at my job because they won t promote me to being a full time teacher despite me working just a much a any other full time teacher in the building just another thing i m angry at people about i really wish i could meet people for any social benefit sex cuddling someone to talk to on a regular basis someone to watch tv with or go out to eat etc i crave those social interaction but i m struggling to find anyone to fill those hole thank you in advance for any help advice,1
is there anyone i can talk to just for a while,1
i feel empty inside miserable and worthless i hate this pointless point of fact but what else is there here taste disdain hate and fear within myself that s all i find even though i wish to be kind i wake each day in dreadful pain hating every breath and every night i say a prayer begging for freedom for death,1
tw for self harm abuse and suicide for the past year i ve suffered with severe depression from family genetics and other issue a a young kid death wasn t really my first thought it just kind of started appearing after a bit when i wa in middle school my close friend sexually assaulted and abused me for a year and a half they also psychologically manipulated me and abused me in way that i m shocked they got away with i have made around failed suicide attempt in my life time only one ha been severe enough to end up in a hospital because i told people but realistically there s several more that i should have been taken to a hospital for a they probably fucked up some stuff internally i form really strong and probably toxic bond with people to the point where if i think i will be left i try so hard to keep them around that it can be overbearing i ve gone to therapy since i wa in elementary school and i ve done dbt and cbt intensively i have definitely gotten better but the fact that any time someone leaf me i feel so distraught that killing myself feel like the only option my partner and i broke up at the end of january and it ha more or le destroyed me i lost my virginity to them and the breakup came out of the blue they said we could start talking again when they felt like it so i have left them alone i wa being weird about saying hi so i tried to do that some more and i wa feeling better about moving on and staying friend in the future i really haven t been feeling better i still wanted to die but i wa managing it pretty well on monday at midnight they sent a text saying they wanted to give me closure and that they never actually wanted any sort of relationship after and oops sorry about the confusion i m not sure why they sent that we haven t spoken in almost month there ha been no communication and i only told two people how i wa secretly hoping thing could be patched up everyone else who asked i had just said hopefully we can remain friend in the future i know not everyone want to stay friend but they were the one who proposed it that sent me on a spiral i broke month of self harm ripped off my fingernail in stress and haven t eaten correctly since realistically if this is going to be my response to every breakup or conflict how can i keep living like this i don t want to end my own life since a th failed attempt would be embarrassing but i also don t want to be here anymore everyone tell me that in a few month i get to move to my dream town so it ll be fine but really i don t care about that i can t handle the pain now and knowing i ll have to have it possibly many more time is excruciating i feel like i could have been a success story but realistically if it s been so long and i ve only barely gotten better then what s the point i m trying my hardest to find reason to live right now but i don t have much to care about,1
f and going through a really bad break up up until the break up the only thing i wa scared of wa him dying when we were old now i can t even set foot in the home we once shared i am going to sleep every night with his ghost rattling in my head but he is still alive just a stranger now please tell me this crushing pain will end because if it doesn t i think i m going to have to the memory are torturing me i just want them to stop i can t learn anymore it just hurt,1
i can t decide i really want to but then again,1
my life is a total shitshow i had an abusive childhood physical mental and emotional abuse complete neglect and ignoring from my father and overbearing manipulation from my mother religious abuse because of the way i wa raised i wa sexually molested in high school i went from that life experience straight into unexpected motherhood and eventually a marriage that quickly became toxic but i loved him so much that i couldn t even acknowledge the abuse that wa happening more kid later i watch them living through their own childhood hell and i tried so hard to fix everything but it just kept getting worse being used worsening mental and emotional abuse trying to carry the demand and unhappiness of someone who refused to get help for their diagnosed mental issue and i began losing myself in my own anxiety and depression after year of escalating mistreatment and abuse my husband told me he wanted a divorce the following month were a nightmare i found out he wa cheating on me and went through more abuse during the process of separation i fell completely apart emotionally and began having multiple panic attack a day i couldnt eat or sleep i had heart attack brought on from the stress my husband wa still living in our house at the time but didnt even show concern or acknowledge that i almost died i wa back at work the following monday he took all the money and spent what little i made at time i couldn t even feed my kid my daughter wa buying food at school so she and her younger brother could eat i fought tooth and nail for my marriage trying so hard because even though he treated me like shit he wa my world and i loved him he had been my rock throughout my teen year helping me get through the abuse and trauma at home only to become the same type of father himself i tried to help him to help my kid and i loved them all with my entire being trying to be the glue that held u all together but i couldn t fight the inevitable my entire life wa torn apart he divorced me leaving me with our traumatized suffering kid and our broken down house to assuage his guilt i sought help because i wa self harming and suicidal i wa diagnosed with a slew of mental condition including depression anxiety and ptsd i wa not a functioning human being for at least a year i barely remember that time of my life other than the agony and feeling like a walking corpse i mourned the death of who i had been the last few year since then have been nothing but struggle too my house had already been falling apart but thing just kept worsening electrical line not working that meant no oven full size refrigerator or dish washer no air conditioning no heat no hot water a pool that is dilapidated and look like a swamp there are so many issue with the house and i can t afford to fix them those are just a few none of the paperwork wa filed by my ex either so although it s mine according to the decree it s still listed a legally his i pay a mortgage in his name i can t afford to change thing with a lawyer i make so little money i can t keep my head above water to even keep our basic need met and even though it cost too much my mortgage is still cheaper than the cheapest bedroom apartment anywhere near me i cant sell it because it in his name anyway my ex is no longer in our life i m trying to find a job that pay a decent wage but i have no college degree i need to make at least k to be able to make it and i ve applied at literally hundred of place with nothing but scam replying positively my relevant work experience is over year ago and my current job ha literally zero room to grow or increase income i hate my job my kid are mostly grown but still live at home my daughter is in college she took out loan and scholarship my oldest ha his own mental issue that prevent him getting a job my youngest is in high school i ve filed for forbearance and now am thousand behind on the house we are of the brink of losing everything if i can t pay it all back because the loan can t be modified since it in his name and i can t refinance without an up to date loan within the next few month we are facing possible homelessness in the last couple year i met a guy who i am close to although we are long distance i fell for him hard and he encouraged me in my feeling but ended up basically leading me on i got my heart broken again i hadn t thought i could care for someone again after all i had been through but being burned again especially from this man ha left me with ash instead of a heart yet i can t turn off how badly i just want to be loved and how much i care for him he s still in my life a a friend but it s painful my heart is just so far beyond simply broken i don t think i can ever recover after all i ve been through it seems like almost every day something else go wrong thing break at my house not small thing major one today it wa my daughter s laptop that she need for school and me losing my next to last pair of contact that i can t afford to buy more of just when it seems like thing might not improve but at least be okay something else happens that knock u down even further i m working job but we are bleeding money so badly i can t keep up and i am just so tired of trying to exist i hate my life the only reason i haven t killed myself is because of my kid i love them more than anything and i feel so awful for feeling this way when i know how much they love me and how i love them i m terrified of slipping back into self harm i cant cope i m in excruciating emotional pain and the stress is overwhelming i have panic attack i can t sleep i ve had to stop buying my medication because my daughter need it more my son could use mental help but i cant afford it i just need to vent to scream that i am not okay that i can t make it i m so tired so tired and i just want it all to stop i just want the nightmare of my life to end there is no more light to be found the light at the end of the tunnel really is a freight train in my experience i am broken lonely unhappy in complete despair and i feel worse than beat down i feel like roadkill like im crushed and lifeless and not even reconizable a something that wa once alive and yet still the tire come to grind me deeper into the pavement endlessly i feel worthless unlovable hopeless oddly enough i still volunteer at church but even though i still go and serve there i don t believe any of it anymore because my life ha been so bad for so long and it just keep getting worse and worse not for day or week or even month or year literal decade of trauma a lifetime of it and still it get worse i dont know how to keep going every day it s harder and harder i ll probably delete this because i already feel so exposed but i just needed to try to get it out i just want it to stop i just want it all to stop,1
everyday at some point i get this overwhelming urge to kill myself sometimes it when i wake up sometimes it when i fall asleep sometimes it in the middle of the day there is no rhyme or reason to the timing a year ago my best friend who i went to for encouragement and care killed himself and i think he killed himself because he couldnt handle my problem on top of his own i keep cutting myself and while i dont cut that deep it get deeper everytime i do it i feel like im a disappointment to my dad and grandma since i just lay around at the house instead of going to university it just so hard to convince myself to do anything a nothing is fun anymore i used to love playing game but now that is boring and lifeless my dad think i should just push through and maybe i should but it just feel so difficult i feel like im a terrible person who abuse others for emotional gain a i will often make request of others without reciprocating and will get mad and yell at others for doing thing that inconvenience me ive been trying to do better but everytime i seem to improve i come back worse than before i think the world and my family would be better of without me being a parasite i feel like killing myself will ultimately make the world a better place im sorry for the rambling text i probably sound stupid or crazy but i wanted to get my authentic thought out,1
i think today the day i realized my life is over and there s no point in going forward i have nothing and i never will have anything i also don t like life it s horrible people are horrible having to do shit in general is horrible being human is horrible and at my job we have those really strong pipe that could hold my weight so now i m looking for a sturdy rope i work in maintenance and then once the people upstairs leave that s when i make my attempt i hope i pull it off if anything i ll delete this post if i failed but today is the day my life end i refuse another shit day i refuse life wish me luck i m going to need it,1
i have probably around 0g of metformin sitting next to me right now im scared but relieved that everything will finally be over,1
i won t share detail and i won t help anyone with their plan but when you know what you want to do and how to do it being alone is really hard especially when you promised to live i don t want to do this anymore how fucking unfair,1
hello i f have told all my friend amp family i m in a dark place i just started treatment with a therapist amp am meeting a pcp soon i am on a personal leave from work to deal with these personal issue it wa tough but i have been transparent with my support system family friend that i left an abusive relationship amp i am deeply ashamed that i almost did not leave i left my home amp family for yr amp lived with my partner in another state i just moved back in with parent grateful but struggling to adjust in my heart there is shame knowing that i only left because he admitted he did not love me for the past yr not because it wa an abusive relationship amp i nearly died i couldn t amp still can barely see past the love i had for this partner amp grasp that it wa abusive my trust wa betrayed so deeply from this yr relationship it wa a if a switch had been flipped amp the person i believed i wa in a mutual loving relationship with wa suddenly gone i wa treated so callously by my partner i know this is simply how the world is amp i need to come to term but now i struggle with depression amp anxiety with every relationship in my life i am utterly terrified to trust even family amp friend but i have been high functioning forcing myself to be active amp social my family amp friend have been here for me bringing me back from the ledge amp encouraging positive outlet like socializing with friend amp working out i am scared because all i can think in the moment of stillness is what is the point for now the point is to keep pushing on for family amp friend because i do not want them to have to live with my death if i committed suicide i feel like i am on borrowed time amp my excuse for sticking around will soon mean nothing my cup is so low i just want to sleep all day amp not wake up i m terrified i want to be okay i don t know what else to do i hate putting the pressure on my friend amp family to pull me back from this metaphorical ledge i know they love me amp they have told me i am not a burden i can not shut out that voice in my head saying i am being a burden i should just be strong get up and amp move on i just want to be able to be fine again can anyone help me by suggesting resource that i have not already exhausted or by answering the question what is the point my sibling shared that personally his point purpose in life is to spread positive energy amp change with each person he interacts with i used to amp my heart still longs to be this way but at the end of the day what is the point we re all going to die anyways i m tired someone please help,1
i m ready to end all but i don t have the courage to do it i ve thought of different way when and where i would do it but i m scared i m a f and life isn t going well my career isn t going a planned in a few week i ll be out of a job i wa terrible at this job and had no choice but to leave i have another offer and interviewing for another place but i m scared it won t work out and i m ashamed that i have to find another job i m struggling financially and i m too scared to tell anyone i don t know how i m going to keep going i m extremely depressed and want this to end i don t know where i m heading in life what is good for me and how to keep going my life goal wa to be successful settle down and have child but i don t see that happening if i stay i see myself being unhappy in corporate america my thought are all over the place right now but i have no one to talk to i m not living the american dream i m living someone else s dream this make me think that the world would be a better place without me,1
every day feel so fucking long and school feel even longer somehow,1
life is just working hard at school so you can work hard at college so you can work hard at an unpaid internship so you can work hard at an unfulfilling job so you can have a nice funeral when you finally kick the bucket whats the point the only thing keeping me from offing myself is the fact that my girlfriend would be devastated and the off chance that it could fail and leave me permanently injured why do we a a specie continue to exist in this hellscape despite it inherent pointlessness,1
i wish inwas dead i just cant take it anymore you stupid fucking redditors all you can give me is useless worthless nothing i hate you so much kill me kill ke kill me i beg of you the only thing that can validate you is to kill me ypu are worthless the only way you can regain honour is to kill me i am nothing,1
i wont do anything because i fear hell but still i cant really explain anything about what i feel think or who i am since a kid ive felt like everything is a fever dream where im being carried by something else that i dont really have control over where i end up where i am at a point in time you ask me the type of question that relate to the my idea of myself and i lose myself and paradoxical thought and incoherent idea i feel sad happy suicidal overly optimistic manic confident in different point in time like random due to this tortured psyche i tend not to know why why is the biggest description of my life i dont why im writing this i dont know if i want a solution for this i dont why i want to know why those paradox of hope and despair make the idea of just be yourself a death sentence for myself ive pushed many away because of my mind baggage and this regret make me rather troubled i am social mostly from a intense desire to conduct and use all my mind nonsense energy into talking talking to people no biggie but when i start getting close to someone or i start liking them a timed detonation start that i dont know the countdown of eventually i will realease my mind onto them on that point in time the relationship wont be the same some people like me for this the existencial despair of my mind is very funny when you hear it talk some just stop talking to me some want to passionately help me save me from myself to be a mentor recently i have to really control it i dont know to what point im getting too i just forgot half of the thing i wa gon na say eventually what im feeling right now a mental breakdown i think maybe i just feel all the paradox getting into a boiling point will reach a limit usually i start getting into suicidal thought not because i hate the world or necessarily hate myself my life etc is a strong feeling of wanting to go away to a better place to see the beautiful thing of a different world to reset my reality to get out of here to end my mind to end my happiness and my sadness my mind suddenly calm itself the fog suddenly clear like body saying you wont die i am left wondering what wa i even thinking about i just wasted my time amp x 00b then the cycle start again i love circle amp x 00b due to this my mind want to end it own thinking meaning that i tend to seek mental damage note you can see how this is a problem for romantic relationship i mean no one want to deal with a man with deep mind issue im willing to accept that i will live and die mostly alone with no meaningfull or deep friend except my family right now and in the future i will have friend and such allways im not a loner on earth but a loner on my reality,1
my decision is irreversable and ha been thought through for some time i don t need any you shouldn t do that dont give up i know my action will be egoistic for people around me but i couldn t care i won t suffer so they do not have to go through my suicide should i leave a good bye fuck you letter or should i just do nothing,1
my clock ha stopped some time few year ago and never worked again i am literally living like a zombie without purpose without passion and definitely without hope i lost navigation in my life and grew indifferent to whatever happens around me i don t know why am i living till now or why should i be living in the future i started losing my ability to communicate with people my social insecurity are growing bigger and bigger sometimes i need someone to listen but i always fail to put my thought into word and end up being misunderstood my friend are awesome and understanding but it just feel terrible not being able to explain how empty shell i have become no one would believe it when you show compassion and humor all the day long right i have been suicidal for year but never had the courage to exit this life my silent life always tell me to keep it silent and never create drama out of it i am living in the shadow of this existence and i want to die in the shadow too i tried many thing to get myself out of the zombie mode i tried pushing myself into social activity i tried to exercise i traveled i met new people i tried to do what i used to enjoy i tried to experience new thing i tried to read i failed to do all because i couldn t keep my concentration enough and my thought always drifted away eventually all these attempt of escape drained my mind i am a master s degree student who should be working on thesis now but i always push the workload and procrastinate till the last moment before the deadline to be honest i don t know why i am even studying it is nothing more than another failed journey to find myself i feel that time space water food air and everything that my biological body consumes are wasted for keeping me alive while other people with actual dream and goal out there living in the most extreme hardship i am just jealous suicidewatch community what is worth living for will i ever be able to get through this,1
i study in university and started cause liked what i wa doing computer science but now i just plainly hate it and am tired between this my mental health and my family that keep on pressuring over study non stop litteraly even though i study it but i don t want to do this anymore i just feel pain and stress for it i try to feel normal and such with some passion like learning how to draw and sing and also streaming but my family will sure just slow me down and stress me more so i study more and more then will sure interrupt my therapy soon enough saying i either have been cured or cause no money for it but they will say i just got ta study more and more at the end nothing more just study and pain study study study study i can t fucking take it anymore i can t even hurt myself enough to get into an hospital cause my family will pressure me even more later over the lost hour or will pressure and force me to study even in hospital and can t even change cause it is the only thing i know how to do i though about voice acting since i liked that too but my mom just told me the truth that there are already too many voice actor out there so it s useless and i won t get a career most probably so i m stuck in c in pain and pressured while also having to help my family around continously and i can t even fucking vent to them or scream my pain cause they will order me to not scream and say that they will feel sick including my grandma cause of my screaming giving all fault to me and i can t take this anymore i just want to rest and cry but no i got ta be in class like rn and follow and study more and more non stop my only way out then is just killing myself at this point i have no more solution this is it i can only kill myself right now at this point,1
i have no will power to do anything i hate doing assignment and study all they do is blame me for not doing anything cuz everyone are doing the same thing and they say that i m not the only one who ha problem i don t know why i m really afraid to call it quits even my mom told me to kill my self i m not sure what i m waiting for,1
hey my name luis and i ve lived a very hard life on march 0 0 my friend kidnapped me they tortured me they sexually assaulted me they beat me up they lighted my skin on fire and they shaved my hair and eyebrow off i thought my life couldn t get any worse after that traumatic experience but it actually did i ve been bashed i ve been portrayed my window have been smashed my property ha been stolen my mother car window have been smashed and i get made fun by people for being gay i wan na jump off and die,1
can someone help me out and give me the most effective way to just get lost money is not a problem nor making a mess,1
i m a stupid little bitch with a raging coke addiction unemployed have been raped time i ll never amount to anything i grew up thinking i had a lot of potential everyone thought the same thing too but i m a loser i wa wrong and so wa everyone i m now figuring out a way i can finally do it i m done,1
i constantly have suicidal thought even if i m doing ok it s like it s always in the back of my mind i have my dark day where it s all i can think about but it s still back there during the good day too i feel like i m strange for constantly thinking about it even if i m happy,1
while i wait for my school counselor to give me an update on the whole online school therapy thing i wa convinced to check out a confidential free and text based crisis hotline it s apparently designed for teen like me who have noone in their life that they could talk to now for me personally my experience wa subpar i don t want to disrespect the volunteer work there but after the successful attempt one in the morning and one just hour earlier i felt like i wa just a number on a waiting list the system constantly kicked me out of the conversation and the one time i actually had a decent conversation it felt like they were trying to cast me aside a quick a possible a soon a i mentioned that music help me organize my thought at time they told me to just listen to music and the conversation closed immediately after maybe i m stupid or maybe it s just my anxiety and paranoia but they seemed annoyed i guess it would help to say what i wa expecting i wa thinking it would be a deep dive into why i feel the way i do but it wa more just a short session of giving me a metaphorical ice pack and sending me home with an old stale lollipop if i didn t feel worthless enough already then well a for the nd successful attempt it wa even shorter they asked me how i wa feeling they asked a question to confirm what i said i answered and then the very next message wa telling me that i must ve stepped away and that the conversation had been closed the automated reply also hit me with a stinger saying you matter it doesn t feel like it it doesn t help that i had to reply stop over and over because i kept getting auto reply from the bot needle to say i have le faith that online school therapy will even put a dent in how i feel tldr seeking help a many advise when situation like these crop up hasn t worked this time around and my already weak ability to see a good future for myself ha withered away a bit more,1
i am gon na make sure i m dead by tomorrow morning every woman is disgusted by my horrendous face and would rather die than speak to someone who look like me time to die,1
this person know everything that s going on in my life i ve been trying not to drink much recently been a couple month now i went from downing a pack a night to nothing i quit nicotine at the same time i m in so much mental and physical pain it s unbearable i told her i want to drink i can t take life anymore she told me i can t i made a joke i said i should get a pas because i want to die idk why that s funny i find it hilarious if those are really the only two option maybe i should just go back to drinking every night i can either be numb or dead both sound real nice right about now i hope she s not on reddit that would be awkward,1
i m gon na go through with it this time just got ta graduate and at least get this stupid degree first,1
is my life over i m m i ve never really had many friend and have lonely and depressed for pretty much all my life my family situation ha always been kinda fked up too however my senior year of h i finally got a group that went to hoco with me and i ve talked to them and played video game with granted they weren t a close a friend could be but i still loved them man they also are friend with a big group of girl so recently tik tok comment from month ago and a verbal comment from month ago were brought up upon my investigation i couldn t find any proof of that verbal comment heck i don t even remember saying it so it ha to be false or blown up from something much more minute i do remember saying these girl made my only friend in the world drop me and have ruined my reputation i keep thinking suicidal thought wishing i had a gun to end it but then i remember my family and life i have i wa so excited to start college too but now they re trying to talking to school admin about this they have 0 proof so i don t think much will happen but i m so lonely now and want to kill myself it s all i can think about i wanted to go to prom with them to a senior summer trip with them but now it s all over man i wish i had a gun and could end it without hurting my family,1
i had more hopeful talk with friend and family i can t see all tryied to convince me it get better but at the end of the night i cry myself to sleep alone wishing i had cut just a little bit deeper the first time i don t care if it get better anymore i don t care if i never speak to anyone again i just want this to stop i hate this just believe shit,1
it happened this morning we were both good friend we had many similar interest we rocked out and jammed to metallica a x and other metal band however we both lead different life i wa currently studying and he wa a dropout i grew busy with my internship and i did not talk to him a much i know he contemplated suicide before but that wa a while ago and i assumed he wa okay until today i feel like i have let him down i should have talked to him more often we were even planning to hang out soon i m at a lost for word i want to cry and let everything out but i can t i just can t i m tired of everything just a few month ago my family member attempted suicide because of my mother s infidelity i m not even sad no more i m just sick and tired,1
when i wa i sa d a girl in her sleep why i don t know i feel like shit every day because of it it genuinely make me feel like shit when i think about it i just don t wan na live anymore i ve made so many drastic mistake that i don t see the point in life now the sa story ha gotten around school i know and understand i did this to myself but i can t help but feel like shit i really just want to go back and get my old life back but no one belief me when i say i m sorry or i feel like shit because of it i feel remorseful but there s no way to convey that,1
my parent expect 90 and above and i failed after answering the paper i told them it wa easy even though it wasn t a i dint want a scolding then now it worse and they expect good mark i got above 0 0 only in subject out of 0 idk what to do anymore,1
i don t really know what to do anymore like for almost 0 year i ve always been sad mostly because of my own inabilites yes i m talentless and below average intelligence then we kinda move here in a rural area ran into financial trouble which lead to me having chronic depression where every waking moment i feel so frustrated and anxious of my situation i wa socially isolated in school and wa looked at like a failure at home i managed to get by for the next year after that even i don t know why now i kinda get a silent anxiety attack now and then even on the slightest thing my mental health is on the brink of just breaking i can t take that anymore please suggest a way to end myself in a rather non violent manner i think it s my time to move on from our cruel world,1
i wa a good kid class president one of those pesky mormon missionary after highschool on scholarship etc then at i snapped and went to prison for ten year i vowed to overcome it got out finished college and married le than five short year of being free i threw it all away and went back for another year on a parole violation finding out that week that my poor unsuspecting wife wa pregnant with our only child i struggled through five more year of incarceration dragging my entire family through the nightmare that is the criminal justice system again while my now ex wife struggled to have our baby and support herself i ve been free again for under two year i ll never have a good job i see my son for two brief hour a month and he barely know my name my family who wa heavily involved in his life while i wa incarcerated is now prevented from seeing him or even knowing about him for my ex everything i have is because of the charity of others and i ve earned nothing on my own other than disdain the direction my life took wa unexpected to everybody i wa expected to be so successful but here i sit year old with no hope of a meaningful life 0 year gone in the blink of an eye hell a a felon many people would just prefer i wa dead anyway to look at me you would never know that all of this is in my past the only friend i have are people i ve met online who don t even know my real name a all of my old friend have long since moved on with their life i would have ended it all already and in fact tried while incarcerated but i m just too damn scared at the heart of all of it i m just a coward,1
hello i am year old and a senior in high school i also have adhd and autism i have been suicidal twice before th th grade and 0th grade but this is possibly the worst it s been the disaster started back in september when i got diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called nf everything i have heard about this disorder from doctor and online sound fucking horrible and nothing i want to live with then in october i met my first girlfriend so i wa happy for a bit but if course that went south too i ll just get right to the point when the relationship started i made clear to her that i didn t want sex and she agreed however later that same month she talked me into it in november december she asked for it multiple time a day and guilt tripped me when i said no she made me feel horrible when she did this then in january i wa saying no repeatedly and she just pulled my pant down and started riding me even though i wa trying to push her off and safe wording i broke up with her in february but there s been drama and social bullshit ever sense in addition recently i got in an apartment fire for the second time in my life this caused me to lose all my belonging they are allegedly being cleaned but it s taking for fucking ever this mean i don t have many of my coping mechanism which is only adding to the stress we had to stay at a hotel for a few night and now we re in a new apartment but it s not the same but that s not all my shitty life ha to offer in addition i have medical debt i also tried calling the suicide hotline the other day and the lady on the phone said what do you want me to do about it and later she hung up on me even aside from all the stuff i mentioned there s several more recent incident i m just to emotional to type it all up now i honestly don t know what to do i keep thinking that thing will get better soon but the only get worse,1
i graduated not too long ago have work experience and can t find a job for a long while now i want to scream everyday i see no end to this and my entire life ha been a testament to how useless and garbage i am i just don t want to exist anymore,1
i f attempted to take my life five day ago it wa my second serious attempt i took a couple of pill and alchohol and walked out on my ledge living on the fifteenth floor made it so much more easier i spent all night out there on call w a friend who managed to keeo me safe till i passed out my dad wa woken up at am by another friend of mine who tried entering my apartment and they pulled my back into my room unconscious my parent haven t spoken to me about it theyve nailed my window shut and don t let me stay alone in my room i m getting a new psychiatrist i m not allowed out or allowed to hang w my friend after school they also didn t let me skip school this whole week even though im still not fully recovered i feel like a prisoner in my own house i get why they re doing it but they way they ve gone about it only make it worse to make matter worse it drove most of my friend away a discord server that i considered my main support group won t let me back in unless i get better most of my irl friend decided to give up on me they told me they re done trying to help someone who doesn t wan na be helped i feel like i have nothing good left in my life and i m forced to live only cause my parent want me to everyone know about my attempt at school and they don t seem to care either they just look at me like i m crazy and many of my classmate barely talk to me anymore i ve already been treated bad because of my selfharm scar and rumour about my sex life and alchoholism i m forced to be sober i m grounded and have no privacy or freedom no safe place no one i can fully trust and i m still expected to be a fully functional person and do well at school by my parent i don t know what to do anymore i feel hopeless and alone and just want it to end,1
i m so tired of trying and i know i m not even trying that hard anymore i used to be more enthusiastic and put more effort in but now even if the smallest thing go wrong i give up i just don t have the strength to try anymore my self hatred ha been getting worse nothing i do is good enough i am continually disrespected by the people in my life i just don t see the point if i have to continue to struggle like this i never asked to be born so why do i have to continue suffering through life i just want to lay down and wither away i have no value anyway i m not convinced that i can continue to do this anymore,1
please just end it please ive tried od ing ive tried slitting my wrist i cant do it right just someone tell me the fastest and least painful way,1
a strange calm came over me tonight and i realised this is what i have to everything hurt every single thing i find everything so hard i m making this post just incase my daughter ever find it i do love you so much i m sorry i couldn t help you and be the mother you deserved i m so sorry bird,1
i just don t know how much longer i can do this life is too much,1
legit i am yet i wan na end it bad parent not my other one tho there good friend don t even care and only talk to me if i talk to them yeah and i m trans i didn t ask to be born male did i fuck it,1
i am on the verge of going absolutely insane i can not take being alive anymore i am a prisoner in my own life i feel dead and so alive at the same everyone in my city at my age is either weird rude or awkward modern human are weak impulsive and oblivious i hate my generation and i hate how the internet ha ruined my life and so many others around me i feel like i am living in hell and i want to die nobody is at my level nobody understands how hard i try every person alive is a weak worm that deserves to die,1
i wa supposed to stab myself in the heart in the desert in joshua tree in november 0 i thought i wa ready i decided not to because i realized i d probably have to stab myself more than one time and i knew i couldn t mentally handle that i felt depressed enough to stab myself but not psychotic enough to keep going especially after physical shock also part of me wanted to see if i could fix thing and it wa like i went on a mission with myself to see if life wa worth it if my life is worth living the answer is no it s definitely no i want out i want off this fucking ride i wish thing were different but they aren t i even went to the fucking hospital voluntarily for help since my last post here absolute hellhole i don t even have word for you about what happened darkest week of my life people are sick i m so much worse i can t explain what s happened it s not like gunnhild from viking but i m at the marina and someone abandoned their bonfire left it all for me i tried to give an older woman passing by the last of my cash cause she wa picking up recyclables she refused and wa sweet she said to not sit here at night she wa concerned that i m young and there s crazy people out here no offense but i m the crazy person ma am sweet lady i had asked god for a sign i got a fucking sign i told god or the universe or whatever that to commit suicide i needed to be pushed and i got just that tenfold i m proud of myself for pushing a hard a i did for lasting this long i don t need to prove to other people i fought i know i did and i can rest better knowing i kept that promise to myself i wish i had seen more of the world and visited more city but i ve had my fill of humanity i can t do it anymore i hate the way people treat each other how much bullshit is always involved i m tired worn out no amount of sleep or rest touch this kind of tired hell is hell i hope my next life is gentler i hope the tide are kinder i hope i receive love i never have to defend myself from i give myself peace now because i can not find it here my life is obligated to no one amp nothing else im truly sorry signing off from one depressed person to whoever read this what happened to me mattered finally good luck asshole,1
i m not even gon na use an alt for all this shit any more this account probably won t be active from now on i guess it s time to delete everything and sort thing out one final time i m tired i m done i don t know if anyone will see this and i honestly don t care i mean if you are reading this then it s just a waste of time just like me i ll never change no matter what happens sorry apparently it didn t take me too long to fuck up a new friendship not surprised i really did want to join and play game and all that shit and try to talk to others make friend and help but i can t be bothered and i don t try that should be obvious i m a lazy little shit with no motivation to make thing better i usually just laugh in text even if i m not actually laughing to make the situation lighter or something idk yeah i m a mean person you should hate me you should just leave me alone that ll be better for everyone i m actually surprised it lasted this long i didn t really come her to rant i don t know why i exactly came here or why i typed this one of the many problem i just wan na say ig gon na leave the majority of depressing stuff out i really hope you don t see this i ll just leave at the end of this week when i m done preparing i ll let you know exactly when i m leaving in a subtle way a to not make you sad again ahahh i ve tried not a lot i can t remember the exact number they obviously didn t work out and i never got caught pathetic right sorry but i m gon na make sure it work this time around no matter what that wa my last try at friendship or anything else a a matter of fact i guess i m just not suited for this stuff and life my personality is absolutely shit i wish i didn t get attached for useless reason and then not try at all i made you feel like hell i m absolutely shit i know i am everything you said is correct i read every last bit live well have fun byebye,1
i know a lot of people are like you ll get over him over time and shit like that but he wa the best thing to have happened to me at this point it s not even love it s way more than that i put him up on a pedestal and admired him he made me so happy i m not close with any of my friend or family but with him i wa the most comfortable my world revolved around him because he deserves the world and more the way he helped me when i wa at my worst made me feel so appreciated i can go on and on hour and hour year and year talking about the love i have for him but no word can fully express it but of course he left me and it s all my fault he told me he didn t see himself being happy in the long run due to how high maintenance i wa that broke me in just a second my whole world is gone and it s all my fault i just wish i could reverse time and change the way i acted the only thing stopping me from committing suicide is the fact that we can still get back together but i just feel so hopeless right now i have had hopeless and suicidal thought before but he always wa by my side and helped me through it all now without him i basically have nothing all i want right now is him i ll give up anything for him i ll give up my phone all my money my academic achievement even my body part for him he is all i want and all i see and it s killing me and i feel so fucking selfish for that he said he wouldn t be happy with me in the long run and here i am begging for him back i m so mad at myself for making him feel unhappy yet still wanting to be with him he deserves more than me but i still want him i can t live without him and i can t live with myself i just want to talk to someone who went through is going through the same experience a me i feel stupid for putting my whole world into someone s hand but it felt like they deserved my whole world i feel so alone,1
why am i still alive i havent done anything with my life other than eat and leech of my parent and im already why am i still here,1
this way the people clearing out this flat will have le work i dont want to cause more work than nessecary,1
the only thing that s keeping me from ending it all is because it would upset my family i seriously don t know what to do i lack ambition and that lack of ambition go too well with my lazy habit i m stuck taking care of my diabetic mother that doesn t really leave much for a social life my sibling have their own life with their partner my dad is off with his secret family or something i ve deleted my fb account year ago because i wa sick of seeing every one of my h friend being better off but i think i just isolated myself further and ended up worse for it i feel lately like i m just gon na snap i end up cry at night and i don t remember why afterwards trying out new thing is a bit limited with budget and me being ashamed of leeching off my sibling dropped out of college twice since 0 0,1
this doesnt feel real anymore i dont feel like myself everything is the absolute worst it can be and it just doesnt feel right to be alive i feel like im in a coma or a dream and i ll just wake up when this is all over i just want that to happen a soon a possible,1
i ve been wanting to kill myself for a while but i tried to be strong and i kept fighting it i kept looking for a calling something to give my life meaning and everytime i think i got it it s just ripped away and i m slapped by reality i m tired of it the longer i stay alive the more i just drain the energy from the people i love killing myself would hurt them emotionally for sure but logically it be the best thing for them no more worrying about the loser,1
i ve been suicidal since th grade i ve never fit in any crowd and my mind subconsciously mirror people i m talking to because of trauma and now idk who tf i really am i don t remember 0 of my life even the bit and piece i remember are of abuse and trauma my mind is a terrible place and i can t escape it after fighting for year i m done i have no hope or fight left in me it suck cause i wa so close to have all i ever wanted a good research career someone who d love me a i am a fresh start in a new country but my parent fucked everything up they will never let me live my life peacefully and tbh i too don t really wan na fight anymore people always say i m strong but it s pathetic that i ve spent all my childhood teenage and adulthood trying and learning to be strong so i could withstand more abuse while others had fun had hobby learned new skill travelled loved and lived my strength just got me more scar and more trauma it s stupid really anyways all my life i fought for a way out now my dad just like that blocked it and i can t do much about it i m so furious at this world and my parent and everyone who bullied and abused me into killing myself they ve won a lot of time it s just another win for them and it ll give eternal freedom for me so i think no one got nothing to lose i m planning to kill myself after i made sure my death is gon na put all of my abusive family member into jail i m gon na collect evidence it might sound cruel but idgaf i just wanted to vent it out not seeking for advice,1
would anyone rlly care if i killed myself,1
i lost my ambition when i wa somewhat and now we re 0 going on failed everything don t know what to do or who to talk to i told myself in september that if i end up in the same position i wa in the year prior i d kill myself seeing a i wa unable to find some shred of purpose then time ha repeated itself and now i m obviously anxious about it but i don t know if i can find another purpose because of the backlash i would receive from my family for wasting their time i told myself thing would be different but they never changed even if i tried my best to change them so if this is my last post then it s my last post i chose reddit i just hope in the next life if there is one that god at least give me more willpower and or intelligence because i honestly can not traverse this planet in this meatbag,1
i beginning to think more and more that i am not suited for this life thing i don t think i wa ever meant to find happiness peace in this lifetime i think i wa set up to fail from the start i want the deepest of connection while i wa born with the frailest of heart the slightest touch i bruise a little pressure and i bleed there s no way this is going to work there s only a buildup of crushed expectation a i stuff myself back into the darkness deeper each time i won t last much longer never in my life ha anyone needed or wanted me a much a i them and that hurt i cling to the smallest of gesture am i crazy to think i m thankful to have met you mean being appreciated human to human i just want a piece of that closeness everyone else seems to have i just don t want to be alone for once not to be other is that too much to ask for or do i not deserve it what s the point i m never going to feel fulfilled in this lifetime anyways,1
im planning to do it myself in the future and im so fucking happy that you have the choice to end it all whenever you want i feel happy knowing this are the last couple of year and then every shitty thing is going to disappear and no my problem have no solution it not something it could be changed im just afraid about the pain it could cause me in the last minute but better get minute of pain than year of a shitty life,1
got my loan i m officially 90k in debt now i can t die with a clean conscience dying would put all that debt on my wife i mean i have life insurance and if it happens to be an accident i think it double so financially she should be fine assuming i don t get fired first but now my mood is just shitty before i wa okay with dying now i feel just a much a burden alive than i do dead i wrote this before but there is a certain freedom in coming to term with death a calm malaise that feel good like everything and everyone doesn t matter,1
i don t understand i got the dream girl and i m doing so good why do i still want to die why doe it still seem so appealing,1
i m feeling so hopeless right about now and just want to be free of this pain i m going through nothing seems to be going right for me and it suck i want to get off of this damn ride and be done with it all,1
can t wait,1
yesterday when i woke up i made my final decision to take my own life i have thought it over and even though there may be other option i decided that i am ready to just simply give up a the ongoing struggle ha made me decide it s not worth the pain i haven t felt anything but numbness for year i ve become obese my body is in terrible shape i ve battled with addiction but somewhat recently ive started to get over it when i finally thought that wa going well and started to be proud i wa met with people who didn t seem impressed and moreso judged the small victory i felt i guess because they didn t realize just how bad my situation wa three week off of hard drug wa a major milestone for me but people said it wasn t good enough and that i wa pathetic for thinking it wa impressive i don t see a bright side a i am finishing college even though i wa given a great job offer because i would just be continuing a life in a city where everyone hate me while i can work a lot and be miserable i am not the type to go out and leave on my own i would do nothing but recluse myself and probably miss home if i moved away i recently came to the realization that outside of the people that are friend with me my public perception is very much that i am a loser my antic have made people that used to consider me a friend not even like me a a person a girl i used to love decided to lead me on somewhat recently just to tell me her friend and everyone else hate me and that she would never consider dating me this wa essentially my tipping point i have decided that thursday night when i am returning from a work trip i am going to park my car on the way home by a bridge i am going to start drinking heavily i will make it look like i lost control a i drive through the rail and into the water those that know me will find this heartbreaking but ultimately not shocking and devastating in the way a suicide might affect them they will be able to cope with the loss without wondering if it wa their fault the only flaw in my plan is i have written a note to be left with my closest friend because one thing i can t do is leave without letting him know how much i appreciated everything he s done for me i simply can not do that but that is one thing that might ruin the hidden intent of my action,1
this ha ruined my life the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my baby boy his mother manipulates me she s emotionally abusive and i don t know how to stand up to her i can t i m so afraid she ll take him away from me i can t keep doing this and i can t kill myself but i think i will i think he ll be better off without me i m a mess my finance are a mess my emotion i can barely take care of my own thing i m in so much turmoil i constantly fantasize about offing myself and every few day i sit there with a gun to my head and i just can t do it i think of my boy and then the pain is worse fyi we were engaged and shit fell apart for good last year october we still live together because we have a lease on a house and housing right now is a bitch nothing available so i m trapped here,1
in my profile if you want to read it,1
that s when i ll do it one month after i turn i ll take my parent car out to a shed and block the exhaust pipe i ll leave it running and take a bunch of pill and fall asleep in the back seat a peaceful way to go out i hope it work i can t wait,1
last time i attempted i failed for like the th time and i m not going to mess up another one this time is going to be my last so i hope y all will stop worrying about me because i don t deserve it and i m not worth worrying about it s going to happen today or tomorrow most likely tomorrow though bye,1
i have 0 success in life even duo i wa given every opportunity to grow myself i strugglecwith my mental health for about year now i m at the moment every year i hope thing will change for good but every time i feel immense disappointment i can t find any reason to continue living with every breath of air i feel like poison fill my lung most of my day i stare blankly at a random space imaging my death i crave to die life consists of little to no joy why is suicide considered a cowardly act i believe the opposite is true a the one who kill himself chooses to die in his own circumstance imagine how much power it take to jump off a building or cut one own vein vertically i recently cutted my wrist horizentaly just a little bit i wanted to see blood to feel pain i felt so connected with reality what an amazing experience pain is my only way to remember i m alive physical pain also help me forget of my failure of who i m an empty shell who keep existing a zombie who just want to be buried again if god exists we are all his slave,1
i don t know what i m supposed to do anymore i can t even remember what it s like to be normal it s felt like i ve been in hell i need it to end now,1
ive wanted to go for a while now and im just getting tired honestly i hope ill find a way before year because i dont wan na live much longer n i really dont have a future ahead of me,1
this isn t the normal kind of post i would write and my follower are probably going to leave because of this but here i am most of the time i have the thought in passing if i were dead i wouldn t have to deal with all of this or life is just too hard i wish i wasn t here lately thing in my life have gotten really bad i had a miscarriage in january it sucked because my husband and i had been trying to get pregnant for a long time and had been told that it wasn t going to be possible without intervention or weight loss or both but there we were pregnant and all of a sudden not pregnant i spent the last year dealing with some drama at work that took me over the edge more than a few time i wanted to kill myself so badly but i never told anyone about it i d mention to my therapist that i wa having the suicidal thought and he d check in but i reassured him that i d be ok and he would remind me of all the time i had been here before and gotten out of it now i m looking at a tough situation at home i am not going to go into detail about it but thing are hard at the moment and i find myself feeling trapped unwanted and like more of an annoyance than anything it suck to feel that way in your own home i honestly don t know what i m doing any more and the suicidal thought are getting more real and more pervasive i am finding it hard to stay in a good place i m finding it hard to think logically about it all i feel is desperation and a strong desire to just end it to be done with the fight of having to live with constant depression and anxiety just having rest from that would be a relief but also i know i shouldn t do it life suck and it shouldn t be this hard wish i could feel loved supported and like my life actually matter yet here i am,1
over the past few month i ve felt like shit i ve been tired lonely and the depressed and on the verge of just doing it i ve had multiple occasion where parent haven t been home and i m just sitting there thinking about committing to doing it i can t handle the pressure of everyone around i feel like no body would really care even if i did end it all i don t have many friend and verbally abusive family member brother and mom i feel like nobody would miss me i m told several time a day at school to km and that no body would care i have alot of child hood trauma from growing up that i don t want to get into my home life and school is very verbally abusive to me i get shoved into locker at school jumped one kid even broke my tibia in the hallway i m never happy and haven t been happy in several year a soon a i get happy i go back to having bad thought again for example today my mom wa out picking up furniture and i wa at home watching tv she wa out for at least an hour at this point but then a little bit after i just had the sudden urge to do it i then called mom and tolled her that i threw up which wa a lie so she could come home and stop me from hurting myself tomorrow i m going to tell her everything that ha been happening and hopefully getting some therapy and medication do you guy have any suggestion for what i could do to be a little more happier sometimes,1
i hate myself i ve dreamed about finally gathering the courage to end my life for about year i have everything i need my basic need are met all paid by my caring family i m finishing a college degree also fully paid by my parent i feel weak and pathetic i see people with real issue traumatic shit who go on with their life while i m sitting here wanting to end my life without a reason why do i feel like this it feel invalid i ve never faced adversity every second of my life i ve spent tearing myself apart the only reason i haven t jumped in front of the metro is that i m scared to end up quadriplegic i m scared of everyone finding out that despite having my life served to me on a platter i still want to die i feel pathetic small and alone and i m scared i m starting to lose control of it before suicide felt like a refuge or a safe place to escape if necessary but now it s overwhelming and persistent i don t want to feel like this anymore but i can t stop it everything i do feel wrong i ve isolated myself from everyone and by the time i realized how lonely i felt i couldn t find the courage to reach out despite having everything given to me i feel like a failure and i hate everything about myself self loathing ha become the only way i interact with who i am and everything i do i feel like i don t deserve help i ve never faced adversity i m scared of failing to kill myself but i can t stop thinking about it,1
title should ve been will it work within the hour i ll electrocute myself i ll sit with my foot under salt water one end of the electrical wire will be under water and the other plugged in the outlet will it work,1
i didn t think i d end up posting here but here it is i feel like i ve exhausted all option in life i ve tried to combat loneliness i have i ve gotten involved with club of interest i ve done martial art i ve initiated conversation i m so close to just ending it man i ve hit low many time before but this time is different because i fucking tried to make thing different i meet someone we connect and end up hanging out and then they fade away unless i initiate i ve had friend flake repeatedly after i ve invited them numerous time or people that don t invite me out after i had done so in the first place yadda yadda hell this all started at the beginning of this year when i realized how people viewed me at my martial art gym the coach thought i wa arrogant because i silently carried myself with newfound confidence in life so i fucking left point is i ve gotten no reciprocation even after they ve shown genuine interest i ve gotten with a girl a while ago that i still fucking think about knew her for le than a month before i made a move she wa interested and we made out multiple time i had friend and i got with this hot girl so it seemed thing were finally coming together i ask her out and she enthusiastically accepts the day before the date she rescinds and want to be friend instead haven t seen her since that wa damn month ago man story of my life i ve got no family no friend year old i feel nothing anymore been lifting for year and getting stronger and i feel nothing no interest in shit felt confident in myself until recently since i guess isolation took it s toll a i said i ve been through this before but i m sick and tired of it now that i know that i ve tried i can be at peace with ending my life,1
what is the point of going on when your parent don t like you your friend are nonexistent and your school is the most unsupportive and toxic place you could be in i m not loved by anyone i doubt i will be so forever i ll be alone i might a well take all the pill in the house nobody will have cared about me anyways,1
i have never been a good person i think being a bad person wa hard wired into me and i don t think i can separate myself from the bad i ve done unspeakable unforgivable thing that i can t atone for i m both a bully and a coward with so many issue that my therapist couldn t find a solution i ve written ton of letter so people can understand my exact thought process and why i need to do this it doesn t even make me sad anymore it just feel like something that need to happen,1
my boyfriend then dad and mom passed away all within a year of each other i have tried to move on but the grief is immense also i just lost my job and am about to run out of money i just can t take it anymore and i want to be with my family who i loved very much i have a plan and am thinking about going to the desert where no one would find me this is sad and i can t even afford a therapist anymore because insurance is too expensive i m not ok,1
don t want to live anymore i m tired of this i m tired of being in society and having to be with people just want to be left alone forever fuck everything i m a failure,1
title pretty much,1
i m fucking done trying everything hurt i m tired of being a loser at life and being myself i m just tired of trying so hard with recovery and feeling like no matter what i m not really meant to recover like my mind ha been set on suicide and death for so long that i feel so lost without it i am just a fucking failure okay i failed at life i m a year old loser who really fucked up his life beyond repair and i see no way out besides death if we get graded for how we did in life i d get a big fat fucking f i know i only started recently and i should take thing slow and take thing day by day blah blah blah but at the end of the day i m still me and i can t live with myself i truly wish my mother could understand that i really can t live being me anymore i feel so claustrophobic inside my own self with so much self hate and rage a though i could explode i wish i could collapse or sink inside myself wandering aimlessly and wondering how did thing happen to be like this how did my life become such a fucked up mess it s all just so overwhelming i can t fathom how i m going to keep this recovery facade up any longer wa this just a reminder of how pathetic i ve become is recovery just another way of pretending to be something i m not i don t know anymore i just want to cry without end i am tired of being like this i m tired of being me what can i do what the fuck can i do i feel so lost and broken you see maybe some people just never were meant for life no matter what after being like this for year death is all that matter to me and once death becomes your everything it s hard to turn back i don t know what to do besides kill myself tonight,1
i simply don t care anymore they took away the reason i began to feel hope in living again i don t trust anyone i just feel the world is a horrible place i just want to die and find peace i can t handle anymore this feeling of hopelessness anxiousness and resentment i hate living and i hate everyone i m just a fucking burden i can t even find the courage to end it all sometimes can t believe i ve become that miserable people my age are excited to begin their life and i just want it to end right now we are just slave of a system that exploit u what s the fucking point of trying anyways pls someone help me,1
tw childhood abuse abandonment addiction emotional neglect i think that what it called and sibling abuse ive dealt with the favoritism of my sister since i wa she wa diagnosed with adhd and therefore needed more attention than i have ever received she stopped being my dad favorite after she started criticizing his addiction but that wa around year later i grew up taking care of myself my own need i had nobody it became worse when my dad addiction did he wa nicer to me than my mom who really used me a her own punching bag by screaming at me for anything and everything my dad fully forgot about me he wa my only friend in the family even though like my mom he did care about my sister more but having somebody le bad wa better than having nobody my sister starting abusing me when i wa 0 she wa her mental health wa really bad making my mom cater to her even more than shes already done now my little attention turned into none my sister could and still can do anything to me and would get away scot free she physically mentally and emotionally abused me and i wa only told to suck it up and to just move on this ha gone on for the next year of my life my dad moved out around year ago not without leaving me with another set of trauma now im dealing with cptsd although my sister ha gotten somewhat better she would constantly run away did drug physically hurt everyone in the family and more but shes insanely rude due to my mom letting her do whatever she want and also extremely aggressive i started doing a lot worse im always extremely irritable and angry and ive been dealing with lot of anxiety and severe depression i see a therapist im working hard to get through my trauma but my mother only belief that i should be fine that even after dealing with abuse and being fucking ignored my entire childhood that i should be a okay and act like a normal year old she continues to get angry at me for my outburst which i understand but will then tell me that she doesnt understand why and will then tell me how awful i am and how i dont do anything she doesnt understand that i have lost interest in many thing and refuse to let me take mental health break because for some reason in her fucking mind i dont need them all she doe is tell me how awful i am how i dont do enough how we dont have any money all of this bullshit im not allowed to stand up to my sister because when she attack me even after ive done nothing it all my fault she one time attacked me over fucking brownie brownie im guilt ridden and tired living feel pointless to me at this point i have nothing going for me and what feel like nobody i dont why ive stayed this long maybe it sheer fate or some stupid reason that i cant put my finger on i know that soon enough ill be suicidal again a surprise surprise going through this much trauma make people want to kill themselves im aware that ill have to spend the next what 00000 year trying to overcome my trauma but i just wish that my mother would be there for me because if she wa truly there i would want to live i just want her to finally love me,1
no matter the progress i seem to make regardless of how happy i feel and the more successful my life becomes in spite of all this when i lay my head down to sleep my first thought are always taking my own life i ve lost count of the time i ve imagined shooting myself through the mouth or taking a shotgun and blowing my head off into the lake these thought are persistent and nagging and feel a though with each passing day they become closer to reality i don t believe this will happen in the immediate future but it doe seem an inevitably that will happen in 0 year time i ve started to even think of a framework of how it should go write the letter say my last word to friend and loved one make confession to a priest set a firm date and decide on the method i wonder if by writing this i bridge the gap even further,1
i have money for or more month rent then i ll be on the street i m in crippling debt i ve been drinking nonstop for the last day when i hit the street i m going to start using fentanyl again where i ll inevitably od and die at some point is there any hope for people like me people that hurt everyone around them destroy everything they touch i ve dug my own grave i m sure people want me dead anyway eh fuck this noise,1
friend just attempted to jump off a building approx hr ago though he s fine atm he blocked literally most if not all ppl s contact to him and of course there s fucking omicron so i physically can t go see him right away can i get some advice here on what to do in this situation edit it got slightly better now a he s at least turned back up on his social medium,1
i want it to end i can trucking take it i want to end it all i can t do this i can t keep surviving like this i feel like i m drowning all my emotion all the work all the people in my life it make me feel so alone and tired i don t want to be here i can t even reach out to anyone i know and it fucking suck,1
i m starting to think i m probably suicidal but i don t really notice it if that make any sense i do thing like overdose on medication i say it s to get high but honestly i don t think that s my intention anymore i feel like i just don t give a shit about my life i fried my brain smoking weed and had a psychotic break and my therapist implies that i m stupid i hate myself and i just want to fucking off myself once and for all who know i might be going insane and i just don t give a shit anymore my life feel like trash even though i had every opportunity in the world to improve myself i feel like a complete failure and and idiot that deserves death i just don t care i don t give a shit i never did and i never will,1
i m not depressed or in depression i think there is a lot to live for in life actually but lately i ve been having thought of suicide it s not every hour of every day but something will happen and i ll just casually think to myself what the hell f ck this and fast forward to when i m dead i have every reason to live i have a roof over my head food on the table and a small circle of friend a job so i m not planning on taking the plunge anytime soon but i just can t help but think after an event or something that ha happened to me involving me that maybe i should what if a opposed to when amp x 00b i m perfectly in sound mind body and health but what could this mean,1
here i am after another failed suicide attempt back to the stupid fucking mental health hospital so they can shove more pill down me i take fucking med for my mental and physical health the lastb year i have tried to shoot hang stab od and purposely crash my car on the interstate at night i barely eat anymore i drink bottle a day just so i can fucking stand myself my mom fucked me up she tortured me for year cutting burning beating and my father knew about it the court failed me when i spoke out parent got divorced my dad took his baby my older sister and said fucking cya now i feel like i m never enough for fucking anyone i just lay in bed now just slowly killing myself i sleep so much that i m getting bed sore if i do eat my jaw hurt and is sore now i force myself to sleep i live in a fucking stupid town where i m the laughing stock i m known a the so people just make fun of me and it s ironic the good fucking christian s that pretend to be something and i get dragged to church and i see these good people that make fun of me me a god damn fucking stranger i hate it i hate this fucking world and everyone in it i get used i had a large some of money and during my worst time when i wa constantly in and out i had friend and people the like me ask me for money it got to the point where people weren t comfortable talking or hanging out but would still ask for money for fuck sake i m such a disgusting fucking piece of shit filth that ylthey couldn t even see me i would be asked and would go fucking put money in mailbox and gas cap in car this is me this is me fucking stupid worthless existence i look forward to the next day hoping it ll be the day i die i d fucking shoot myself but for fuck sake i can t even put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger without fucking it up i live in a fucking town of k people and there is only one place for therapist and fucking therapist is what they have i see my therapist every month then of course in a small town the last time i tried to kill myself i had er nurse who i know think i wa still unresponsive curtain in front of me and i got to listen for 0 minute about what they thought about me called me name made fun of me this is my life this is my worthless stupid life i want it to fucking end more than anything,1
i try every day to care about everything about what other people care about what they feel what they want from me the goal my job set for me how people perceive me how clean my house is how often i help out i try to hard to care and to make the people around me happy a much a i m capable of but i wish i wa allowed to not care if i were to do one thing for myself it d be to let the depression swallow me whole and kill myself but i try to care about what that doe to people and i try every day and every day i decide if i m going to keep pretending or collapse i think i m really good at pretending,1
if it werent for him i would have been dead by now i cant imagine how horrible he would feel if i did it now im just in an eternal state of depression and cant do anything about it i both love him and hate him for it mostly love but god damn i feel trapped,1
maybe i should have been locked away for the rest of my life like every other unprofitable unproductive worthless retard my only quality is that i m worthless enough to inspire the real regular normal people because if some low iq idiot like me can do something so can a normal person the only thing that held me back were the fear of failing and living even more disabled and some stupid video game i could have done without,1
i have no trauma or especially horrible experience it took me yr to even admit to myself that i m most likely depressed i thought that i would write down my feeling but my mind resonated that to writing a suicide not i m proud of myself for stopping when i realised that it made me feel worse i feel lonely i have friend who i trust care for and can talk to yet it s impossible for me to tell them about any of my true feeling because even i cant understand what s going on in my head i feel guilty for thinking that one of the main reason for my behaviour is my family they have always emotionally neglected me treated me a the dumb kid invalidated any feeling i expressed and my mother is physically and verbally abusive i barely share thing with them and nowadays they ve started scolding me for telling them anything because apparently i m too pessimistic my sister seems to be using me i have always been there for her and listened to her when she needed while she is there for me if i need help with study and shit she never even make an attempt to listen to me because apparently that s a therapist duty and she isn t my therapist i can t cry i can barely feel thing at this point i m like a zombie my mental state usually deteriorates in the summer and summer is here i can sense the decline my only friend who i can physically meet and am comfortable sharing deeper detail about myself to seems to understandably freak out when it come to suicide related topic if it involves known example basically joke and stuff are fine but he seems to get a bit perplexed if i mildly hint at my suicidal nature this is just a rant i have a terrible tendency to bottle thing up in such a way that i forget about it i will probably feel better by the end of this day,1
i am mentally exhausted i have so many problem that i can not deal with my older brother bully me daily and all i do is just sit and listen to it if i tell him to stop he will just continue to be more annoying i have a lot of health problem my parent dont want to take me to a doctor because they think i am lying so i have to do it myself i am not legal in my country i go to school and put on a fake personality and laugh people bully me even there not physcally but mentally they tell me i am dumb weird skinny crazy i have zero friend in real life i have online friend that used to help me with everything and even made a workout plan for me all of that faded since my health is sucking rn my parent call me crazy daily becayse i like ti play video game for hour a day that is crazy to them even tho everyone else tell them it normal all i feel inside if me is just fear sadness and hopelessness 0 good or happy thought i thoght dozen if time about suicide i can t do it i have ocd and that top of everything and obliderates my life and make me suffer even more i can t take it anymore i don t knoe where to go or what to do it like i don t belong anywhere or cant do anything all i can do is whine on random subbredit because i have no one to talk to is this all life really is i know you might say ohh but if you try to get yourself up and get motivated and do stuff trust me i tried it many time it fails because of family problem etc am i worth saving is my life really worth living,1
i think i ve slept three full hour in the past it s not that i don t try to sleep or want to i do and so badly i m so exhausted right now i m crammed into a toddler bed cuddling my kid even laying here all i can think about is whether or not she wouldn t be better off with a different mother and i know i d never do that to her i never would or could she didn t ask to be in this world and i have no right to leave her in it especially with that kind of burden so why doe the thought keep whispering itself in the forefront of my mind even when i ve slept well why the fuck do i feel so terrible a if i ve been kicked in the stomach to the point of puking i feel like a failure in everything am i really at the point where i m supposed to celebrate my own mediocrity after accomplishing simple task that i m supposed to do should i be applauding myself for getting out of bed next i left my job to stay home with my kid just a month before the pandemic wa acknowledged no one could or did come to see me but i realized that even without the pandemic nobody really would have been there anyway she wa five month old then and in that time period nobody really wa there they didn t call didn t video chat didn t really ask how thing were or how i wa i wa crushed before the pandemic our event were cancelled i couldn t see my friend most of them i still haven t seen two year later we don t really talk either there s only one person outside of my immediate family that i ve called in month and it sting a few month ago we moved out of state and out here we have no friend no family i ve tried making friend over the internet especially through pursuing my roleplaying hobby but it feel like i keep fucking up trying to keep my emotion and attachment in check but inevitably i think my loneliness just bleeds through or i let myself open up too much and just fuck it up my emotion my entire self might a well be sodden playdoh i m desperate to keep it formed into what it should be what it i used to be but before long i m trying too hard to keep it in shape and it s left in a flattened half soggy mess of garbage every night i curl up in bed and have my stupid fucking brain remind me of how garbage i am of all the mistake i ve made and maybe i really would be better off just giving it up telling me there s no point to keep bothering others with my i don t know existence i guess mistake logically i know that s part of my problem it always ha been really i tried to keep everything together so other people wouldn t know what wa happening to me back then i had to take care of it and handle it on my own i have to be able to do everything and when i can t i feel worthless like a waste what am i even doing that someone else couldn t take the rein on and do better i ve been replaced plenty of time even my husband wa searching on grindr and posting on craigslist listing ad that included the fact that he wa married sending picture text telling me it wa my fault after i found out i m somehow to blame for it i haven t told anyone that typing it out feel slimey like three day old used dishwater it s another thing i have to handle myself because i could never actually admit to someone else that it happened just like i couldn t admit to anyone i know about what my ex did to me what happened when i wa a kid i told one person a therapist in honesty what happened and i remember her saying that if i kept being angry about it then i d turn out like that person who say that to an eight year old anytime i ve brought it up since then it wa never to admit how it s part of what still keep me awake over two decade later stupid electric meatball in my skull trying to convince me it matter trying to convince me i m going to keep going downhill and should just get ahead on what s inevitable anyway people can and would move on and maybe it d be better i wish it d stop with this shit my daughter said today that she love me i have to be doing something right don t i i don t know what to do to fix this i m just screaming into the void right now i want to sleep,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
it s been a lot of stress past the last three year i feel like i can t take it anymore i m too anti social i can t talk to anyone i just start shaking and can t say a word and then this feeling of embarrassment will haunt me for the rest of the day no one want to talk with me i feel like i shouldn t be here like i m a burden to everyone i have to hold my emotion inside never letting them out and this is killing me i ve been cry for the last few day i feel so pathetic am i the problem i am so lost,1
i m extremely suicidal but i want to live could anyone give me reason to live i don t want to feel this way but i hard not to think about it please anyone,1
it s only ever gotten worse i m worthless and unwanted and there s no reason i shouldn t kill myself i have no reason i should be alive if it s spent feeling like this and being alone,1
i m just so done of all this constant same thing everyday feeling like i m not even mentally conscious the whole time who even am i where did everybody i used to know go do they go through this to or am i just some sick i don t know if i can even talk to people about this derealization zoning out feeling i just don t even know anymore it s gotten to the point where i forget simple memory because i just don t feel like they happened so it doesn t matter i had an old friend of mine fuck you to hell cameron i hope you die they started to tell me that i wasn t a real person and that the people of the other land or some shit where waiting for u ever since i haven t been the same fuck you fuck you fuck you cameron you fuckingruined me you controlling manipulative narcissistic piece of living shit you shouldve died when you had the chance ypu ruined me why did any of this have to happen why did my parent divorce why i hate it why can t i just go back to when i wa ok and happy for once why did it all have to change why can t i just be pretty and amazing why can t i just live my life without feeling like this i can t even go a week ithout attempting to stab myself and just ending up with a stinging chest god this hurt just end it all i m so tired of living like this i m gon na make the choice soon at my dad i m not even sure if i want to yet i believe in god heavily but i don t even know if he can forgive me for this the way i m planning on doing it isn t gon na be pretty and i don t wan na traumatize my little brother he should have to see his sister like that not even in highschool dead i want to make the decision to just fucking do it already i have nothing to turn back to my home life is a mess after my parent divorce and i m constantly going back and force between parent it would eventually get exhausting don t you think im probably not gon na end up doing it anyways i really needed to let this out because god i m just so tired of everything,1
my mom straight up asked me last night if i wa cutting my wrist in front of my entire family when she saw my scar i think she said that joking but it s the truth i m so scared she s going to push it further i m so scared she s going to hate me for it and punish me i feel so so stupid for doing it on my wrist so so stupid i just didn t think anyone would notice they haven t ever before i m not sure she actually suspect anything from me tonight i think i ll burn my wrist cooking something so that it cover up the scar and the story is more believable they re all going to hate me i didn t sleep all night last night because i m so scared i used to think i d be ok with people finding out i feel like this but i m not i m really really not,1
im just a burden to her and everyone the world would be so much better if i just disappeared she s always on my back about everything i can never do anything right i can never please her she s always so upset at me she s always so mad tonight before she went to sleep she didnt even tell me that she loved me it okay i dont blame her i wouldnt love me either im nothing im pathetic im a waste of space energy and time in the grand scheme of thing there nothing about me that matter im stupid im incompetent im irresponsible and im mean im just a bad person and bad people dont deserve to be happy i will never make my mom proud i will always be insufficient she will always be finding new way for me to screw up when i die she will be so much happier without me everyone will be happier,1
last sunday my husband we ve been together year and have a child together admitted to me that he wa talking to his co worker he slept with her thursday after lying about going to work he tell me he doesn t want to leave but he doesn t know what he want anymore friday he admitted he ha cheated on me other time in the past and yesterday on my birthday i found out of those people wa my own sister when i took her in after her husband had been cheating on her i am so heartbroken for myself and my son and all i can think about is ending it all i trusted this man implicitly and never even thought he would cheat there were never any sign at all all i can think about now is ending it once and for all i ve lost my husband and my sister and i really don t have much left i am so far down the spiral i don t think i will ever be able to claw my way back up i don t even know why i am writing this just needed it off my chest,1
i don t know how to push myself and adjust to schedule and adult life no one wa really around to teach me i play video game a lot before it wa because i enjoyed it but now it s because i have nothing else to do with myself or other people i don t have any friend but even now i can t fit in online it feel like no one my age play game anymore they re focused on their life college school work i don t fucking have a life the only other human being i talk to is my dad when he get home from work which is only small talk since we re not very close it s been like this for year now i ve felt completely isolated from the world my entire life which is why i don t fit in why can t talk to people and why i don t fit into society standard i want to fucking die so bad i ve fucked up my life so bad i wasted my highschool year even if i have a whole life ahead of me i don t have the knowledge or will to get anywhere fuck it,1
for the past month i ve been postponing my suicide by escapism recently i ve grown a tolerance to any short and long term satisfaction with this i ve seen the only way to escape escapism is by death i want to send my regard to everyone in this sub for being some of the most kind people i ve had the pleasure of talking to everything is in motion and a in tomorrow i will no longer be a living man good night good morning thank you good bye,1
my boyfriend told me if i m feeling unsafe call 9 but i smoke weed to calm my mental health symptom and it s not exactly legal where i live i don t want to get a criminal record but i promised i d call for help but then i can t die any advice,1
am i really just that awful no one want to be my friend my old friend abuse me i hate everything but especially myself when will it get better,1
sorry for the depressing post i have some problem that are long term and i suffer every second of everyday i am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday my eye will never be the same again and i only use my right eye i don t want to have such a shameful death but i wa wondering if you people believe this can possibly be a good choice i am about to have exhausted all of my treatment option,1
sometimes i start to plan it by leaving one day and never being found that hopefully i would prepare well enough that no one would ever find me i think that would be better than my family knowing my death wa intentional and planned but i still know they would grieve amp x 00b i m somewhat of an antinatalist and i refuse to ever bring child into this world it just a personal choice i don t judge parent because if i am so miserable why would i create more life maybe if thing looked up and i gained some self esteem again i could have a job i love and more importantly a wife although i don t know how many woman really want to be in a childless marriage i ve never even gone on a date before and i m a m so i worry i ll just be alone for my entire life i feel like a real loser for this i just see life in a very bleak way and i don t see my future a one that is bright and cheerful especially since i don t really believe i deserve good thing i have intrusive thought ocd which is a little voice that throw horrible word and image at me all day and telling me i m a irredeemable human being and a terrible person it exhausting and i feel trapped,1
i ve been plagued with mental illness for almost half my life i ve done and tried everything i can up to this point to recover but it s a losing battle that i m tired of i ve missed out on so much in my life because of my mental health being so shit and honestly i don t ever see it getting any better i figure year or sooner is long enough for me to decide whether or not to go through with my plan of killing myself no one i know personally know about my plan not my family not the few friend i have not even my therapist i don t plan on telling them because i don t want to be stopped maybe they ll hate me for it or maybe they won t odds are they ll never hate me a much a i hate myself this post is gon na get buried under everything else so might a well be talking to myself if you did read this though thanks for reading,1
i dont want to move at all i just want to be stationary for the rest of my life school is actually so draining and i can t bring myself to do anything my parent think so highly of me a if i m really smart i don t think i deserve any kindness from them i ve disappointed them a lot i wonder quite a lot why they haven t disowned me yet i dont know what to do anymore i don t have any friend whom i can call close it s so lonely but i feel like i deserve this for all the pain i ve caused for so many people but the worst thing is i feel like im doing this just for attention and i feel like a horrid human being because there are people who are actually suffering from these horrible thought i just want to fade out of existence,1
please kill me i m so fucking done with this life i m just a burden and everyone around me would be much happier if i didn t exist i d be doing everyone a favor if i just killed myself,1
i can t do it anymore it feel like none of my friend care about me my ex left me and now ha blocked me my mom ha been hounding me about shit that i don t have the time or energy to shoulder i can t speak loudly without struggling i can barely eat without it feeling like sand down my throat i feel so alone,1
the med don t work my doctor is clearly not helping last time i went to him he told me that i wa having a very bad week because i stopped smoking pot five week ago like i m sorry but it would not have a delayed effect like that also he then compared it to a recent promotion he got like dude what the fuck i just keep having these recurring thought of slicing open my wrist and finally just getting the peace and quiet if wanted i don t want to die but i don t want to live like this anymore,1
i m a burnt out mentally ill college student that s already hard i have mental illness that leave the people around me annoyed amp scared of me my coping method used to be music now i can t enjoy listening to it because of my misophonia you know you have a problem when you can t even enjoy music i have to pretend i m okay even if my prof family know i m struggling with unbearable chronic fatigue they still expect me to do super well in college society still expects me to excel at everything toxic positivity inspiration p rn hustle culture blah blah blah so tiring well i can t i am literally mentally amp physically incapable of it i can barely leave my bed i barely enjoy doing anything i used to enjoy doing i m trying to find thing to latch onto i m trying not to give up god just really hate my gut i m at a dead end god i m so close to giving up,1
i used to be really afraid of death and i still am sometimes however a time passed and my life continued to stay stagnant or decline i have come to see death a an escape i hate the thought of hurting people i care about but i really feel like i won t be happy any other way it s been such a long time and i m very tired,1
nobody will probably see this anyways nobody saw my last one i just wanted to vent my current thought so i can at least alleviate some form of pain that s going on internally at the moment ever since my ex left i ve had nobody to talk to i have no bond with anyone no friend or anything all i fricken do now is lay in bed all day go to work when it s time come back and go to sleep i don t live anymore then again what is living anyways if you have nobody to experience it with i just live a lonely existence and i m fricken tired of it i either want to be dead or just drugged up on pill so i can at least feel something beyond this emptiness inside i hate my fucking retarded existence anyways i wasn t meant to be born and i ve felt nothing but pain growing up what do i even have to feel happy about that i make decent money so fucking what money only buy me temporary happiness it isn t eternal i want to feel what true happiness feel like i m sick and tired of this life and i want to just be different or gone completely,1
i hate myself i am the reason i m sad i have no excuse some day i m so happy and blissful but then there are a lot of day most of them where the only thing in my mind is killing myself in multiple way i overthink i plan to perfection i have ish plan to kill myself without my family cleaning anything up i already have an unofficial will written for when i do kill myself i don t want my family to struggle to pick up the piece of why i killed myself so there s always a note then i just do something where no one can find my body i m sad for no reason there is no porpoise to existing i want to help people but i fail to do so all the damn time i joke about killing myself but those joke are getting more specific and i m pretty sure people are catching on that i actually wan na kill myself i actually tried but thankfully failed i didn t have a rope or gun so i started choking myself to do the job i really wan na but i just can t please help me,1
i have felt so depressed for year now im only and i ve been through a lot but who hasn t i m just a weak person that can t get over my issue the only thing i m good at is hurting people therapy will never help me because i am never going to change i m a terrible fucking person and i hate myself more than anything it feel like my life is never going to get better and i know that i will never deserve happiness but i feel like i ll truly be happy once i take my last breath,1
when you can t work and feel like a shadow of a character you put on for other people when you feel like such a burden to people you love almost like you are taking advantage of them because you need their help i got help but i still feel the effect of this depression medication doesn t seem to help the overall feeling that i feel is a lie i want to kill my self at least the identity that i am a strong man i m young i ve accomplished more than my father did at my age however i am still under his roof failure to launch and failure to exercise work life balance living with what i see to be bipolar disorder and the effect it ha on my and other people life holding on to the idea i have that to commit suicide would be murder in the eye of god because i am a slave of his i gave up my life because jesus gave up his struggling to understand or at least accept my sinful nature and reject it at the same time struggling with the idea that perhaps i m trans perhaps i m gay perhaps i m yes that s ok looking at myself gain weight because of my own lack of self control with eating going from the most disciplined with cutting weight for a pro fight going from 0lbs to lb in le than month getting fairly close to the former in i feel sick i feel worthless impotent the exact opposite of what i felt month ago i wan na be well for other people sake i wan na be taken advantage of in the future a work horse for someone a husband a friend an artist just not a crazy one but what can i do i didn t choose to be mad i just am i want to overdose so far i do so with caffeine and nicotine had i been able to get myself to drink alcohol i d use that however i hate hangover i think once i wake up in limbo i ll still feel it doing everything i can to lock myself in the house and not jump off a bridge head first onto the highway running out of video to watch on youtube running out of idea for making music feeling alone feeling a buzz from my med a i type this feeling god looking at me over my shoulder the devil over the other i want to be ripped in two the life i want is living a duel life one for jesus the other with satan queer perhaps my favorite word lately i identify a that queer,1
i m cleaning my house today taking my dog on a nice long walk brushing her giving her all of her treat taking all of the trash out doing all the laundry writing my note and going to bed tonight with the hope that what i take and the amount will kill me i m but i feel like i m 000 i can t pay any of my bill i can t hold down a job because my body is falling apart around me and when my body isn t failing me my dumb stupid useless brain is i hate myself i can t get away from me nobody deserves to have to be stuck with me in their life one funeral and then i m nobody s problem just needed the universe to know it won,1
i hope this sub is a source of help and stability for others not my post but the sub in my case when you spend your whole life white knuckling being normal and chastising yourself for every wrong victim stance ungrateful attitude etc a an absolute failure god what the fuck else are you supposed to do i mean in my case why keep trying what is the fucking point the charade get old and sometimes you just want it to stop,1
i want to km i wa so impulsive and ended a very good relationship we were both first lover and i just can t anymore,1
i almost committed suicide i feel pathetic for not having been able to and i don t know why i stopped i suffer from bpd so this isn t the first time i ve either attempted or gotten close to doing it my friend don t know and i would feel manipulative or a burden if i were to tell them i guess i just wanted a place to talk about it every time i find myself in this type of situation it feel like i get closer and closer to the point of no return,1
this is a long story i m sorry me and my ex broke up year ago but we remained friend but i still loved her and still do to this day after month she stopped talking to me because of this when we were together i never lied to her well i only lied about thing and it s about why i tried km when i wa to this day no one know the real reason maybe my friend bc i almost slipped about it i treated her like a queen we lived 0 hour away from each other and i saved up k to go see her when we were together for gas and my dad stayed at a hotel i wa at the time every anniversary i wrote a very long paragraph maybe on why i love her and how beautiful she is at st it wa every sunday of the week we started dating on sunday then the 9th of every month we lasted 0 month together each paragraph wa different and never said the same thing i did this to help make her feel better about herself because she wa ashamed of her body and i could tell she wa depressed i wanted her to be happy i bought her a lot of gift and always asked how her day went btw i m very poor and at the time i mowed lawn to make money 0 a week during spring and summer i m allergic to grass and been doing it since i wa we broke up and she told me because she wa gay but we can still be friend i quit my job month after bc of depression we had a discord server that contained her brother and their friend there wa this guy that we always played with and me her her brother and the guy played doki doki at st he wa nice then when they left he wa very mean to me saying thing like she doesn t like you just leave why are you even trying and so on i never said anything because i didn t want to ruin any friend ship i wish i said something instantly we all played overwatch together also well i tried to stop playing with just him and only play with her i said it wa bc of my anxiety but the real reason wa bc of him month later she stopped talking to me because i still loved her this is where and why i might be gone soon warning i m going to say graphic thing plz know i don t want attention i just want my story to be told if i do leave day my phobia is being alone and she helped me forget a terrible memory when i wa the real reason that no one know about i wa scarred i regret doing all of this i made 0 account on insta saying sorry and emailed her sorry also plz know i regret doing all of this and understand i wa in a dark place still doesn t justify my action some time after that i wa dmed on insta to go km and other horrible thing i tried telling her but she looked at the screen shot and just blocked me then it happened again then again i wa being told to go km and other thing for month straight even wa bullied by her bf at the same time i screen shotted what he said to me also in the middle of all this my mom oded and wa in a hospital for a week i had no one to talk to i tried cry out for help to her no response i tried cry out for help about the guy telling me to km for month no response she is the only able to stop him she never really tried the only ppl who tried to get them to stop wa me and my friend he wa the only help i had on christmas and easter i also emailed her saying i hope her and her family is ok because covid wa bad and her family is like family to me i worry and care about them a lot still wa being told to km and messaged by her bf i started cutting month of being told to km i stopped a little while ago since i wa still being told to km and bullied by her bf and no change wa happening i cried for help to her parent i showed them the screen shot of what her bf said to me and told them about the person who we still don t know who told me to km later i got a message from her saying that not only she regret our relationship but she is scarred of me and i have to apologize to my friend who wa helping me through all of this btw i don t have the gut to yell at someone bc i ll have a mental break down bc of past trauma parent always yelled at me and i dont have the gut to hurt anyone mentally or physically unless it s to protect my friend or family i m a very protective person of who i love and like when i read this i wa badly hurt i started doing drug not weed bc the smell make me want to vomit and ill never try it but whippet wa accident but made pain go away so i kept doing it some time later my dad got cancer he s doesn t anymore it got removed right away but while he wa gone i had a bad mental break down and i did a free therapy trail online i forgot the website but i did this with different email so i had session i did it for her bc she always told me to get professional help i got told i might have severe adult separation anxiety i have nightmare every night about losing her still to this day i said a lot more infact i told them everything and they told me that they can t officially diagnose me with it because they wanted to talk to me more but i m poor i can t afford that but i then had no one so i cried for help to her last time i wa scarred her dad texted me to never message he again that night i did a full inhale of whippet and tried to km i had seziure idk how to spell and woke up the next day no one checked in on me i woke up on my floor that wa the last time i ever did that some time later her bf messaged me again it wa a pic of him and her kissing making a heart of their hand he said just give up she doesn t love you and never ha i showed the screen shot to some friend and then deleted it bc it wa painful to look at what am i sopose to do cry for help i can t to this day he message me mocking me but she ll never believe me not only i can t tell her but i don t think she even care i also later found out the real reason why she broke up with me wa bc i wa too clingy not only did my friend tell me this her bf did also everyone who i told this story to tell me she cheated on me that there s no way someone would let this happen if they cared about me after i treated her with respect like that during our relationship i don t think she cheated on me she would never do that i tried going out with other girl but i cant bc it feel like i m cheating on her even tho we re not dating it feel wrong i still love her and i always will even tho she never asked if i wa ok when i wa being told to km which hurt badly i still love her the only reason i m alive is because of my hope a nd chance with her but it s dying and i want to die b my hope dy or i m going to die when my hope dy which mean i ll have no happiness left the st time i felt happiness wa when she said yes to going out i cried that night bc i never felt that b bc of childhood i just want her to at least ask if i m ok just to prove my thought wrong to prove that she still care to keep me going i love you and i always will if you some how see this i know you re tired of seeing this but i m sorry plz know if i do lose the battle i lasted this long for you i hope you re proud of me and if you do message me i might come out about the real reason why i can t let go and for whoever read this long thank you i hope you have a great life be safe idk if i typed this but i haven t done drug in a year won t be on this account a lot only to vent it s a alt account i m just trying to get help even tho the only help that will help me is her saying anything nice to me idk when but when my limit is reached bc of her bf and friend and all the past crap they said to me i plan on going 00mph to a pole i already know where i m going to do it it s not like she care anyways i get told to go km for month and bullied to this day and not once ask if i m ok i doubt she ll be sad my thought are telling me she ll be happier if i m dead i get harassed i get yelled at for cry for help i get told to km i get yelled at for cry for help,1
making plan jotting them down laugh emoji response my friend don t know my sentence end in an unspoken if by then i m still alive tightness in the chest with each breath eating and hating myself not eating and hating myself just hating myself a i hold back tear steadily typing despite intrusive thought of suicide what is the cleanest way to go the least intrusive a way to contain the mess a way so what s left can do some good scenario play in my mind some may notice a few will cry no one break everyone move on my life is pointless pointless pointless i am useless useless useless if i keep smiling and laughing and eating and talking no one will see me shaking no one will see my tear no one will see my bruise or hear my unspoken word if by then i m still alive thanks for reading my crappy writing if you made it this far i wrote this tonight because my brain wouldn t shut up i ve had all these thought on and off for a while now i feel like these thought are becoming more and more frequent and intrusive i reached out to my primary care physician asking about a psychiatrist and i wa told to find one myself since it wasn t clear i needed a referral then i tried a couple of time to find one online and couldn t find one in my area i wa willing to talk to so i gave up if i m at work and interacting i m mostly ok i think i only had really fucked up thought once or twice but if i m alone at night my brain go haywire and this stuff pop in i need to stay busy to keep it out but i m too lazy to stay busy enough to keep it out anyway i m not a danger to myself right now i don t have the mean to play out the scenario in my head and i haven t tried to get them i don t want anyone i know to read this but i need to share it somewhere so i can only post it here,1
hypothetically speaking if i went to walmart and bought some motor oil a lighter and a bottle of water then i went out to the parking lot removed my shirt and then doused my arm on fire i m not looking to kill myself i just want self harm in a different way than cutting anf bashing my head with blunt object,1
i m only year ago i wa really one of the famous kid in school everything wa going well until first quarantine started i became probably the most antisocial person it wa the last half year of school so didn t go anywhere because i wa doing online lesson i didn t go out with friend at all until next year where quarantine stopped for month so had to go to school again i started getting bullied by my own friend i couldn t handle it i wa thinking of commiting suicide back then to i got through it but this made me even more antisocial i couldn t trust anyone for a really long time because a i said these were my own friend bullying me for fun now at the rd year everything is kinda ok i started going out with friend again month ago after so long but i don t like going out with them week ago i wa in bed thinking and my hole life what i like the most is video game and lucid dreaming i thought the reason why these are the only staff i enjoy to the conclusion that they offer me just an escape from sad reality which is me not enjoying literally anything else school is my biggest enemy my hole life i wait for it to be over but just can t deal with it anymore only for me to wait every day to end just to basically sleep and play some video game so i faked being sick with a lot of fever for the past week to escape school and all the stress i have in life my parent took me to the doctor and he said to do a lot of test so we can see what is my illness my parent found out because the test showed that i don t have anything they weren t mad because they think that i have a reasonable reason for doing all these and they are right but i can t tell them all of these i just can t find the power,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
i m tired and exhausted at this point i m just someone else and i don t even know how to carry on like that i ve tried to kill myself several time i ve lost everybody and i m scared of the silence now,1
i am 0 live in the usa full time college student and full time journalist i am in my third year of college which is not going a good a i want just like the first two year i don t know what to do anymore i don t think i want to commit suicide but i feel stuck and i don t see any forward momentum for myself so i just really don t know what to do anymore and i have practically no interest in my job or school i don t think i can continue to do both but i can t do one without the other either due to finance and lack of a degree i feel helpless and on top of that i have a heart transplant which make me reliant on employment eventually someone please help me i am caught between wanting to succeed and wanting to fall asleep and never wake up,1
alrighty folk i ve been ready to go for a while but i guess now it feel more right to leave this world no offence but this ha been the most boring nonsense tenure ever and i have no idea how the majority have deluded themselves into staying in a world that is mostly just a turd with sparkle and corn in it then call it the spice of life i am increasingly bored with life nothing is worth the effort or struggle to do what die later that is not appetizing i quite uni i quit therapy i quit med i don t really want to be here anymore but i am constantly held back by my own laziness i just want to sleep all the time to the point that i hope that any merciful god would give me death a a reward for withstanding such a shitty existence i haven t even mentioned what wa wrong with mine the list is short and simple i really dislike the premise of working for everything i dislike working for something and the feeling of accomplishment is a dull tap and i am wondering wtf i just pulled all my teeth out for nothing is really ever worth it i am not remarkable average or even good anything i have is a replaceable a a wasted battery and that is ok nobody relies on me and that is the best place to be for someone who want out i know i don t need any reason to justify wanted to make a grand exit i think it almost abusive to sedate someone into living gaslight their entire experience for extra hand in the population politics cog too many people are waste of space and have absolutely nothing yet still have convinced themselves that life is better than the great void amp x 00b anyway i finally picked my method of exit kawabonga bitch,1
i m literally fighting the urge to slit my wrist and my mom keep yelling at me today ha been impossible i just want to end it all i can t take this shit anymore,1
i m so sick of life and the suffering and bullshit i have to go through just to get a small and short lived taste of fake happiness i want to kill myself but i m afraid that the light at the end of the tunnel is right there but it never is i just can t bring myself to do it and i hate myself for it i m stuck on the edge of just barley getting by and trying to convince myself to give up i feel pathetic even typing this anyone else going through what i am would ve found help by now and become a normal person not vented to a website since they feel like they can t tell anyone else i just want it to be over i don t know how i blew the opportunity of a life i wa given so many people do so much more with so much le but i wasn t given the tool to deal with this i m too emotionally and mentally weak i don t know what else the problem could be and i m not brave enough to choose the only solution and end it i hope this didn t bring anyone else down i know everyone out there ha it in them to be happy i m not sure about myself though i can t provide myself that same kind of confidence,1
what a fucked up little world we are living in,1
i don t know how much longer i m gon na wait could be a few day or a couple week or month definitely by the end of the year though it all depends on if it get even worse and how much worse it get if it get better then i won t do it but i don t see that happening given the pattern it s like every month i lose someone else every day i get a bigger workload and enjoy the thing i like a little le i m an alcoholic and i m not even old enough to drink i ve promised it to myself so many time because it s comforting feeling like the way out is close even if it s not happening but this time is different this time i really don t think i can go on maybe i m just a baby maybe i m over dramatic maybe i m a piece of shit who deserves to die or deserves to live miserable it doesn t matter anymore the reason i have aren t gon na go away or get better just because people tell me they aren t good reason sorry to everyone i m glad i made a new account so they won t see this specific post at least i m probably gon na post the note to instagram right a it s happening just so it s out there and people know and i don t just disappear from everything and leave anyone worrying,1
today i felt like doing something about this so i decided to make an account and come here ive been suicidal for like a year now and i cant fucking bear it ive almost killed myself quite alot but apparently i have a habit of pussying out of everything i dont know if im dealing with depression or if life is just giving me shit but im finally going to try to get help i also might just stop using this account all together i dont really know what people say here and i dont know what to say myself and thinking about it i dont even know why im doing this,1
it seems i need to revise my plan especially the date of my plan because even if i go through with it it will be thwarted because someone is currently freeloading in the house i am currently living in i don t want any disturbance and obstacle in my plan i will plan and re schedule why why why why why why now i have planned this for a couple month but why now why would there be an unexpected obstacle or disturbance now i just want my eternal rest,1
tbh idk why im writing this im struggling a lot ig i tried overdosing 9 day ago and barely nothing happened and the small amount of euphoria i got the next couple of day wa amazing idk just the fact that i could die wa comforting so now imma try midol i only have like 0 tablet ill prob only take it prob wont work but idgaf anymore edit would anyone know if this would work,1
how would anyone feel about this personally if you were to commit suicide and repeat the ever going cycle of reincarnation but with no purpose but to keep living the same failure over and over again no hell just a cycle or repeat of the same thing over and over again i d be pissed personally,1
i can t keep running from how empty i feel how everything feel so forced and fake i m and the social problem began from a very young age the familial problem also i guess i learned from a very young age to brush thing under the rug and bury all of my emotion to the point where i ve been detached from myself for probably year now i ve been to therapy different time and am likely starting again soon but to be honest i don t think it s going to go anywhere until i can be honest with myself but i literally don t know how it s like there s this pit of intense pain that s constantly buried deep within my chest that i suppose will either give me answer or kill me from shame all i know is socializing is completely traumatizing to me school a well i don t know if anybody can relate but i just don t know how to figure myself out or if it s just all in my head i must sound so crazy to anybody reading this but please if you have any question it might really help me to be able to answer them anonymously and unpack stuff i m committed to understanding why everybody treat me like i m some freak i know i m not completely hideous but beyond that i don t think i know what s going on there s like this deep disconnect between how i act even by myself and who i am internally i believe i don t know if any of this make sense but please ask about my childhood or whatever i got ta understand even if it kill me,1
i have made up my mind i am going to kill myself tomorrow i ll be alone in the house for atleast hour so no one will be there to check up on me or save me i have the razor blade and pill i m going to use i have alcohol too and i m going to get drunk while i harm myself i m hoping to go before anyone find me i can t deal with life anymore i can t do this anymore i m not going to say my goodbye this is goodbye i hope y all are able to heal this is going to be it for me goodbye,1
i shouldn t post here or anywhere else but i have nothing else so firstly i want to apologize i m sorry that you have to read this first off because it s all nonsense and also because it may be stupid or weird since english isn t my first language i have nothing no family no friend no job i m stuck in my apartment because i m a coward psychiatrist tell me i have agoraphobia but i don t think it s true i m just a waste of time space and money there s no need for me to still be here i ve tried multiple time to end it all when my family were still here i got caught and sent to psychiatric ward and now it s a neighbor who knew my dad he keep coming again and again to see if i m ok i m wasting his time a well like i waste your time writing this i don t even know why i need to do this it s not like i want any help nor i need any help maybe i just want to leave something somewhere testify about loneliness and mental illness i m already shameful just thinking about somebody will see this and witness how i m such a stupid human being just complaining about nothing playing the victim although i m not long time ago i thought i wa a victim tho my dad did thing to me people at school bullied me i wa thinking like that my mindset wa fxcked up now that i ve rethink about it all i see is the problem wa and still is me i can t blame others over what i did i don t wish this to my worst enemy this void that keep devoting me taking more and more space making me disappear slowly again i m sorry about all that and thanks to this sub if that post is not removed if you re in this state i hope you ll get better soon i don t know you but you re worth it don t let anybody tell you otherwise and never give up on thing you like or that make you feel good,1
in 0 i found out a former friend and person i used to have sex with in 0 wa posting my naked photo to a nude sharing reddit page kik and trading them with stranger on the internet we lived in two different country when i discovered this and the only thing i could do wa call email with the police in his area and inform his girlfriend at the time the police didn t really do much but they were able to track him down and tell him by phone or in person not really sure that he should delete the image he ha of me that wa all that came of it the police couldn t really even ensure he had deleted them his girlfriend broke up with him i did speak to him and he sounded sorry to have been caught he didn t seem to feel bad at all for how he made me feel ever since i have been struggling with this i feel extremely violated and stupid especially since he could still have the photo and be trading them with other people i wa only 0 and he wa when we were sharing nude and having sex and i feel like i did something that could potentially follow me forever i wa struggling hard with mental illness at the time i also had very little sleep and a stressful schedule i feel like i went into some depressive spiral and i started doing dangerous and promiscuous thing including being with him i know it s not an excuse however most day i just try not to think about what happened but some day it come so strong and i get an intense urge to kill myself i am currently married to the love of my life and he wa an amazing support when i discovered my image online in 0 i know doing something bad to myself would absolutely crush him but i feel so worthless sometimes i still feel so violated i have the guy blocked on facebook but i know who his current partner is and i occasionally type in the usernames he used to share image to make sure there havent been any post since then he still seems to have a kik username active under the same name but i have no idea if he is still using it the police told me it would be hard to prosecute for something like this so telling me that i should try to get legal help is useless i obviously can t tell most people about this only my husband know so thank you for listening it s been year now since this all happened and i still occasionally feel extremely suicidal over it i don t know what to do to stop this i struggle with depression and anxiety on top of this but i usually don t feel suicidal unless this come up thanks for listening,1
i m on antipsychotic and they make me sleep for hour i would like to sleep for even longer if possible and no i don t think upping my dose of antipsychotic will make me sleep longer and besides i don t want more side effect,1
when you re having a mental breakdown because you realize the your dream the thing that kept you motivated is completely unobtainable an impossibility nothing more than a pipe dream i m breaking down y all i wan na put a bullet in my head,1
i just want to go to sleep forever i don t want to feel anything anymore what feel good never last and what hurt hurt longer than it should i d rather just not feel at all,1
we found out a couple of day ago that my dog needed to be put down we had a beautiful last day with her yesterday technically she wa the family dog but she spent the most time with me and turned into an unofficial support dog for me she ha been with me through trauma and therapy and everything in between she ha been my rock scarlett ha been an anchor point a grounding into the world she ha been the only thing that ha stayed steady in a world of ups and down she wa there no matter the mood or how sick i wa she ha kept me engaged with the outside world walk and beginning interaction she greeted the world with a smile no matter what she forced you to give her affection and in turn forced hers on you she ha been the definition of unconditional love in my life mainly because i can t assume or misunderstand what she doe or say she ha been my safe place both physically and mentally i didn t want to leave her behind not understanding i ve been struggling with everything even with her to bring me calm i don t know how to do this without her i ve been using numbness to try and stop myself from shattering but a it splinter into smaller and smaller piece there s only so long it can hold a i hear the splintering standing on the cliff edge the ground start to shake i know that if i move i will explode into tiny fragment and that i can t escape from the edge of the cliff falling the splinter are so small i won t be able to be put back together without missing piece the fall into the abyss will spread the fragment far and wide there isn t a way to climb back out this time there isn t the energy to hope enough to look i don t want to die specifically i just can t keep doing this anymore i m beyond tired i m spent i can t see any other option i ve tried and tried and tried different treatment i ve pushed to do exercise and socialise and do what other people have decided is the best for me i ve taken medication even with shitty side effect taking some rest time with no appointment or pressure wa lovely but didn t change anything inside i ve been fighting a hard a i can and it hasn t been enough i began having passive suicidality when i wa and having intense trauma later certainly didn t help the past year ha been the hardest and lowest i ve ever reached i ve been in and out of hospital tried over 0 different med tried different therapy than i have in the past had ect and tried emdr i have a whole team mental health social worker psych intervention team a doctor specialist and so on the only advice that i wa given when i explained that i wa too tired wa to push through to keep going because there have been improvement and people think it will change and to be patient for thing to start working and maybe i should try doing more thing or le thing or have extra support or change my dosage or simplify my medication or go to hospital or an outpatient program i can t do anymore i can t keep forcing myself onwards because other people will notice a change in the outside without much of a change inside i know it s a selfish decision and that it doesn t get rid of the pain just pass over to the people around me it will affect them forever it won t disappear with time i can t kid myself that they will get over it a much a i think it will be the better option i know none of them will agree i can t look through rose coloured glass saying it take away the burden it just change it from me to the people around me i d love to say my goodbye with everyone and give them time to grieve and prepare with them have a perfect last day making sure that everyone know i love them and that it is no one s fault doing thing with people that are special for u trying to say everything that i want to to people face to face to give big hug and laugh together one last time i wish i could give everyone that i m so sorry that i can t and for the suffering that brings there is too much to say to all the people who are precious in my life to write down i m sorry i love you you did nothing wrong you are so important to me i m sorry that i stopped trying thank you for our relationship you have added so much joy to my life i believe in you and all you can achieve i m sorry that there is no time to come to term with the idea i know there isn t any combination of word or thought that will make it any easier for anyone i know there isn t anything that i can do to assuage the guilt and pain and anger i wish i could but that doesn t really matter doe it i don t even know if i can commit to finishing a plan everyone seems to think so but i don t know and if i can t go through with it then no one need to worry or be concerned because there isn t actually danger and i can just be unhappy without the need for restriction and people feeling responsibility for me,1
i m terrible at articulating my thought so apology in advance let me just say up front that no plan ha been made and despite thinking about it so much i don t think i could go through with it this is just a vent piece i guess i feel like such a burden all the time i genuinely only have one real friend left and feel like my roommate co worker hate me i m anti social and awkward i don t make eye contact and i don t talk at all ever i take way too long to text back if i did km i honestly don t think anyone would know until a body wa found or over a month had passed i m just so sick of feeling like an obstacle all the time like i m always in the way or always wrong to think feel a certain way but all of this seems pretty normal i realise it s not a healthy mindset but literally everyone on earth ha trauma everyone ha their own shit they re going through and not only doe it seem like they re handling it a lot better than me but they have real problem i have friend who lost their job over the pandemic i have friend going through break ups grief or whatever and they still manage to practice their hobby and interact with their fellow man but then there s me doing literally fucking nothing all day every day after work and having the ball to feel like shit over it a if it s out of my control i feel weak willed lazy and most of all i feel like the world s biggist egomaniac for writing so much about myself a if it needed to be said thank you for reading my aimless rambling the thought were very intrusive tonight so i just needed to self depricate i guess good night everyone,1
hi reddit i m not sure who else to turn to a i recently had to stop seeing my therapist because i moved state and she is only licensed in my previous state of residence i am looking for a new therapist but i simply can t keep this inside me anymore and i need a place to get it out this year and the last few month of 0 ha been the absolute worst of my entire life i can not believe the amount of negativity loss tragedy and pure bad luck that i ve been experiencing since fall of 0 it s been blow after blow and i can feel myself giving up i m giving up hope i m giving up my optimistic attitude i m giving up my will to continue existing in august of 0 my boyfriend of two year and i began our descent into what eventually led to our breakup in mid december we shared an apartment in oregon and i had to move out in january and move across the country back to my hometown in illinois i wa devastated about the breakup and under immense stress trying to find a moving company to haul my belonging such a long distance i finally found one and it turned out to be a scam they stole all my belonging and i m in the middle of several complaint with them but still have yet to see my thing and i don t think i ever will i lost my boyfriend and my life s worth of item at the same time living back at home ha been difficult a my sister life here and we do not have the best relationship she is severely mentally ill with addiction depression and borderline personality disorder so it s been very hard trying to manage her mood outburst destruction etc she ha attacked me many time said countless hurtful thing and done endless physical damage to the house living with her is very stressful on top of all this my grandpa just died tonight i got a call from my brother out of the blue i can t process this right now and i m at my wit end in the past month i ve lost my boyfriend whom i still love my old apartment and old life in oregon all of my life s worth of belonging and now my grandpa it s almost funny how insanely negative this year ha been i simply can not see myself recovering from all this loss and sadness and i don t know what to do it is just too much and i have no hope or light left i m feeling suicidal,1
i fell so fucking in love with my best friend and i m feeling very alone and in a dangerous space rn i normally would say more but i m tired of telling people the same story and just plane exhausted i just want someone to talk to don t have to be therapeutic just a a fellow human,1
i don t want to be alive anymore i hate being here all i want to do is self harm and cry i hate being in college and i think about hanging myself in my dorm everyday i ve already tried but wa too much of a pussy to do so because i didn t want to disable myself i ve already tried to reach out for help but it didn t help i wa sent to an intensive outpatient program and it hasn t helped nothing help i just want to put myself out of my misery,1
is it weird to think i m getting closer and closer to taking my own life soon year and year of thinking but chickening out maybe soon it will be my time i attempted to swallow pill today and i think i m one getting really close now i hope i have the strength and courage one day to actually do it so i can finally rest and let go of this life i am tired,1
it all depends on how this go im 0yo male who just got engaged around month ago we were planning on getting married and having kid together soon both started work at the same company making quite good money but recently she tell me her feeling for me have changed that she love me but isnt sure we should stay together she feel attracted to a female coworker of hers that is heterosexual so will never return that attraction we ve decided to spend 9 day in an airbnb together to see if we can save the relationship but she told me today it not looking good also she revealed that coworker thing only today i ve been staying at my parent house for around week now but on sunday will go to the airbnb i know you guy will tell me that she s not worth it but i can t change how i feel about her i wish some of y all that have gone through similar situation could maybe give me some advice how i could still save this if it doesn t work out i will either hang myself or obtain heroin to overdose on i have already written a suicide note and mentally been preparing myself i would do it on the last day while she s gone and ask her to come shortly before ending it or maybe even setting up a programme to send the message when i m already dead this is so that she would find me and inform my relative early enough call me an asshole but i think that the people that know me including her would learn from my death to treat people with more respect in the future if all go well i will continue living if not so be it the note punchline is i said i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you well there s nothing that can change that anymore now,1
shit hit the fan a single tik tok comment from an anon account that can t be traced back to me made month ago and a comment i made about a girl month ago have suddenly been brought up by this group of girl they ve made my friend drop me i m not miserably alone a i have always been my whole miserable life now they re trying to talk to my school admin man i just wa excited to start college but it might end up all being over i wish i had the mean to do it quickly and properly without hurting my family,1
in today s society it seems like no one really care instead they re worried about lability litigation after something bad happens and want to shirk responsibility that being said would it be respectful to put my two week notice in before i commit suicide so they re ready for a replacement along with that it wouldn t be a big thing that would slow everyone else down i m thinking about putting in my notice i ve had everything in place and in order will service paid for everything beforehand etc i m just trying to make it easiest for the people who say they care about me along with my employer and co worker they won t be liable or responsible because they can t make me do anything,1
how do i go about telling a friend i m suicidal i feel like i m just being dramatic but i m having intense thought though i m not sure i d act on them and i don t have a proper plan though i m always thinking about it at the same time i don t want to bother anyone it must be a horrible thing to hear from someone and there s nothing they can do really but i m not sure what i can do at this point either i m just so desperate,1
i tried to change thing and live happier but nothing i do work so im just gon na give up bye,1
i don t know if it s depression or loneliness or what but i just feel like i m a drain on this world and society a a whole i m never gon na be someone that impact anyone s life no one is going to wake up one day and be like dang i miss blank what a great guy he wa outside of my family i ll be forgotten in a matter of day if not hour i m convinced that i ve left no impact on this world and won t leave an impact of i m here for 0 or 0 more year i simply don t see a point in staying alive if all i m doing is draining resource without contributing thank you for reading if you did i needed to get this feeling out before i actually do or attempt to do it even if i want to i probably won t have the courage,1
i really need to fcking end it i can t take it anymore here,1
i just want the pain to end,1
i have too many problem on my plate work is a commitment responsibility are a commitment family is a commitment therapy is a commitment basic hygiene is a commitment taking care of myself is a commitment gaming is a commitment having friend is a commitment talking to people i care about is a commitment not falling asleep is a commitment caring is a commitment eating is a commitment taking my med is a commitment the list could go on forever i m not subscribed to earth yet living here is a commitment,1
i think i ll try tonight i ll go on a late night walk and accidentally trip in front of a car that way if i fail i won t have to deal with all the shit,1
no really i m just angry at the world i have mental illness and everything but i really blame the world because there s no system that can help me i m sure y all feel the same we re forgotten and fall between the crack and there s no help i m angry that i can t get better angry that i m getting worse angry that i probably can t off myself without my sister quickly following the fact that i can t escape this life because i have loved one just actually is almost rude love shouldn t make me feel trapped in existence but it doe i m running out of money because i can t work fulltime so it look like if i do end up dying it ll be at the world s hand not mine,1
i m an awful person i treat my friend like trash and they don t care about me which they have the right to do if i died literally everyone i know would be better i m being a dick to my best friend and she still tried to make me feel better why i don t deserve that i wanted to overdose today but my mom doesn t have any pill for me to use i m this close to ending this shit i m pathetic and nobody is worth le than me,1
you can be a guy or girl just make sure your an adult that s 0 year old and up just trying to make friend i legit haven t had a friend in year i do get depressed from time to time but i m currently not that much i don t have the gut to end it because i fear the unknown but i m here and gon na continue to do good in life for my own happiness any like minded people i can talk to lmk i m here to listen just don t be crazy,1
i want to die so badly even just cut do something to ease this pain but my mom took all my blade all my option even my medication i have no access to anything anymore and i feel empty hollow i want to die so badly but i cant because i have no mean thats the only real reason i m alive right now is i dont have a way to unalive send help im not well im cry everything is terrible and i want out there really should be a log out option on life so you can take a break and come back if when youre ready to face this hell,1
i m so scared of you these day i miss being happy,1
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right,1
last night my girlfriend 0f of two and a half year told me 0m that my depression symptom have been taking a toll on her she told me that she see my progress and my growth but this is in summary a she talk around her meaning it s not enough it s exhausting her and making her feel poorly my exhaustion and lack of self and confidence and inner love so i had to apologize to her last night and i m trying to show that i m growing but i feel so fucking hopeless right now and it s only been getting worse i joined this community because i m sure i won t actually do it but i need something to remind me and something to feel le alone because holy fuck am i alone i feel devoid of love and worth and i m struggling to find way to place it on myself i can t validate it if it s for me and i can only form a half life of happiness if i use someone else a the foundation so that s superficial i m really trying to keep going but it s so hard it s exhausting i just want to sleep all the time there s so much more in regard to our relationship i ve been trying to support her and make amends for who i wa when we first met i brought my trauma into it and lashed out at her in way of gaslighting infidelity and emotional neglect she didn t have any trigger for me to lash out at her i just thought she wanted to use me for self satisfaction but i m told that s love now i m confused there are two side of my mind one an optimist and a lover the other a cynic and a narcissist i want to purge my brain of these thing i m sorry this is so scattered i ll try to speak more coherently later brain no work,1
my other alt account wa deleted so i m posting here today i had a mental breakdown on the basis of what i feel are good thing in my life disappearing inexplicably oftentimes whenever i attempt interaction with aforementioned good thing the last straw wa today over a fairly trivial issue but i broke down because of so many thing that had happened recently in my past that i wa unable to shrug off my life is fairly good and i am very lucky to be living in a household full of opportunity however it feel a though whenever i try to fully indulge in what s provided to me whether it be by my hand or anothers it s normally gone in no time flat about the call i wa in the middle of my breakdown and tried to take the rational course of action calling the hotline because i desperately needed to talk with somebody only to vent my frustration and promptly be hung up on by the person on the other end of the line i tried calling twice more ok case i hung up on then by accident but wa almost immediately disconnected and the last time wasn t able to be connected with anyone fuck what if i were actually about to commit suicide and just wanted someone to talk with only to find out that they didn t care about my problem either it anger me just typing this i m sick of living this way i don t think suicide is the answer but i really just need someone to talk with about my frustration thanks for reading and hopefully your day is better than mine,1
i 0f already struggle with suicidal ideation i m just tired so tired this last six month ha been the toughest six month of my life i ve been with this guy 0m for five year he ha been a step up dad for my daughter 0f nearly from the beginning of our relationship very early had always plan to get married and have child together my feeling for him have always been so strong he always made me feel like he wa different like he understood my trauma and wanted to hold my hand through my healing not set mine and my daughter life on fire i moved to the other side of our country to be with him we have had ups and down i found out six month ago he ha a new girlfriend and she also a a you g child f long story short he s leaving me for her our lease is up at the end of april and my daughter and i have nowhere to go we will be homeless for a while until i can move back to my parent my ex husband m found out we won t have a stable place to live for a little while and is filing for custody of my daughter my ex husband is it ha been extremely abusive to me since i wa none of the abuse wa ever documented because i never wanted to call the police he always made me feel like i deserved it i ended up losing my well paying job due to my emotional state my daughter and i don t have family or friend here none that aren t deeply tied to my now ex bf i don t feel like i have deserved any of this shit im the go to person that always help everyone now i m going to have nothing and i have no one willing to show up for me and my kid we also have two dog i will have to rehome because he refuse to take them and i can t hardly care for myself and my daughter right now i m literally about to lose everything i ve been chewed up and spit out my whole life i suffered a lot of emotional and sexual abuse a a child too i don t genuinely want to die but i also don t want to feel anymore like i really don t know if i could survive losing my daughter that kid is my world please how do i make it stop i can t go out like this,1
i want doctor assisted suicide no one care a store i wa at last night wa being robbed i didn t hide just went about my business thought it would be best for my family and me if i wa killed the police didn t care they never showed up the loneliness is unbearable,1
i feel like people would be better off if i wasn t here anymore i m considering jumping off a bridge i feel so trapped in my own emotion after losing a good chunk of my friend purely because i ended a relationship that i wasn t happy in i feel like a horrible person and the idea of jumping off a bridge doesn t upset me anymore i feel happier that if i d want to end it i could and leave my family with more money time i m conflicted i want to die but what would become of my family my sister my remaining friend what about nicole would she be able to handle another friend ending their life how about snowey he is like a little brother too me what about my sister could i leave her during a crucial time in her life i don t know life is so painful right now,1
i have no will to live anymore but i cant kill myself because i dont want to hurt my mom or anyone else who care about me i fucked up my school career and have no motivation on anything in life and im only year old sorry for my bad english lol,1
i just want someone to give me a reason not to go down this spiral and no one will everyone ha their own life and he s going to leave me soon i know it he s tired of the cry and self harm if he leaf me i ll just be alone and i ll have nothing left to live for,1
if you ever read my post on my profile you know that i have an obsession about being a cheater i ll worry and worry etc i read something very triggering on reddit and i decided that i don t want to be on earth knowing that i did that to someone or if i did,1
you ever see a grassy hillside and want to just melt into the soil and be consumed by the plant,1
she wa my only hope the only person i thought loved me she only love me a a brother her ex which i m friend with showed me a message of him asking her what if i had a crush on her august 0 in january we kissed and everything then after a couple of day our love stopped i keep telling her that i love her and care for her and she doesn t say it back i m alone alone forever i have a knife next to me i m scared to do it tho i m scared of death but wan na die,1
i stood up for myself about not being credited for artwork used by my school and now somehow that ha lead to a teacher talking about me to my peer behind my back and me being harassed by a woman who work for the school on their drama production i contacted my principal and he ha not responded my mom say if i go to anyone higher up i will get in trouble i feel trapped everyone hate me now and the rest of my school year is going to be horrible i feel like the only way to fix this situation is to die i fucked everything up,1
i m really desperate i m a yr old guy with no job even if i graduated from college no girlfriend never kissed or hugged a girl in my life no real friend most of them are toxic amp manipulative nothing special about me i don t know if i m pretty or ugly smart or dumber i m so confused about my self image it s like i live in hell get rejected by ton of girl ton of job offer i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser i m too nice too shy always extremely anxious and stressful dealing with brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good about me only good at math amp coding i can t hold a good conversation with anyone only with my mom amp my brother i feel kinda confident speaking and it s been a while i m depressed living with a dark mood i feel like i m a loser amp i can do nothing i can t even go to gym practice favorite hobby or enjoying any movie youtube video video game etc i don t know what to do with my life i only think about option therapy ending my life sorry for my english it s not my native langage,1
i ve been in and out of mental hospital for about year now i m just turned thing get good for a bit and then they get better and it a vicious cycle i m on med to help with anxiety and adhd but the thought just wont stop i counted all my med to see if it enough to die and od my parent don t really care because im sure my mom saw my new self harm scar and said nothing i relapsed really bad again and because of how open they are i m afraid of an infection i just want help but i m scared i m a burden my mom is sick right now and we dont have money to send me to the hospital again id rather i just die kinda instead of having to deal with everything i m bottling it all up again and turning to self harm idk what to do anymore i m so tired,1
sorry for the depression i have some problem that are long term and i suffer every second of everyday i am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday my eye will never be the same again and i only use my right eye i don t want to have such a shameful death but i wa wondering if you people believe this can possibly be a good choice i am about to have exhausted all of my treatment option,1
the suicide hotline take hour to respond i ve fucked up every relationship that i had by trying to be funny and the other person being creepy and lied to everyone i know why should i continue self harm doesn t do anything anymore nothing brings me joy i have no future because of my mental problem really why do i stay here the one reason i still live is because around new year an online friend of mine at the time attempted suicide i got so fucked up then i couldn t function properly for a week i couldn t talk to anyone the one reason i am still here is because i thought people would feel that way about me but a ive lived and breathed i have come to realise that isn t true my friend will be glad i am not around them the only disappointment they will feel is that they don t have a vulnerable little shit to kick around my family will be glad that the failure in the family is finally gone and the school will pretend to be sad for a month make it about how mental health is important tell people to be kind about one another then forget about me i won t stand out im another human being in the 00 billion that exist i don t even know if im real i don t want to be here so might a well leave,1
im letting life pas by because im so stressed and cant deal with my problem so i just hide away and isolate myself and it starting to harm me where im currently cry because i have no solution for the hole i dug myself in help me please,1
i got broken up with overnight a year relationship because she thought for a week that she s falling out of love i am absolutely devastated i can t carry on with my life and truly am considering ending it all i think i am gon na do it because she wa the only one for me what is the best way not to hurt your family thanks,1
i m so sick of the grind that is life i m so done kill me please,1
im this year when i finished school i started a business and thing when great too great because i made alot of debt at the time it wa not alot and now over the course of month ive lost the business thanks to covid i now work a a car salesman im married and my son is week old but now i sit with debt that i made while i wa make x what im making now and i cant pay it i cant provide for my wife or son ny wife dropped out of university because i cant pay it anymore tomorrow ill sell my last few possession do i can make it through this month but i plan on ending it soon atleast then my wife can collect life insurance and she will be set for life a for me i just needed to rant ive made up my mind,1
i have never thought i d reach my 0 cuz since my early year i have been suicidal my life ha always been the worst i wa given the worst family my parent were when i wa born they were totally unable to raise a kid yet they decided to keep their pregnancy being a teen parent in a country where abortion is 00 legal since 9 is at least a huge stupidity i don t even have to say that my childhood and teenage year were creepy i went still do through need i had the worst and cheapest toy basic clothes the cheapest cell phone etc people are like forget about the past and focus on the present how do y all think it s easy to forget about poverty no it s not i can t forget all the humiliation abuse and privation i had to go through i m now totally hopeless still suicidal and i m pretty sure death is the only thing that can take my pain away and sooner or later i ll end up a a suicidal person i ve already tried to wait and see if thing get better but nothing changed thing get easier for a short period of time and then get unbearable again i just hope i die soon and all my pain fade,1
it s just too much how do you know you re close is it when you start planning the detail,1
i m year old and i wish i wa born into a traditional family like the american family we see in movie a close knit and loving family not necessarily rich but with enough money to have a comfortable life travel with family on vacation christmas eve dinner etc but i wa born in a third world country where there is not much possibility of being rich and people are not a educated and refined a in first world country nor is there a high human development index my family is disunited there is no affection between u and we barely have enough money to survive but the biggest dream of my life is to one day have a family like the one i mentioned before united loving rich and happy i really want to have at least one daughter and a wife and on vacation we travel together to fascinating place go on a safari in south africa see lion elephant giraffe up close climb the andes mountain range embark on a transatlantic cruise in short many adventure and family memory also for this purpose i m already studying several language through apps but given my current situation all this seems to me to be nothing more than an impossible dream it s a if i look in the mirror and see that my true image is completely different from how i would like it to be it s like a beggar in rag looking at a rich man in a suit and envying his life i m studying software engineering at college and it give me a little hope that maybe i ll get a good job move to a better place maybe a first world country take my family with me and there i can make my dream come true but speaking like that it seems like i m dreaming too high it seems that this life i dream of having is not for me and i should just to accept my third world life is it possible for me to have the life i want or should i confirm myself with a mediocre and unhappy life i m not to give up on my life anyway i ve dealt with severe depression and existential crisis before,1
i m a m recently diagnosed with autism and adhd i have a long struggled with mental health i have attempted suicide a numerous amount of time been addicted to drug several time and i have given up completely my mum ha cancer and is going into surgery next week to have half of her lung removed my youngest brother ha non verbal autism and i think about what he might be like if he wasn t autistic and all the thing i would ve done with him one of my brother died six hour after he wa born from heart failure and the only memory i have of him is having my photo taken beside his corpse dressed in pjamas before he wa buried a a result i constantly breakdown whenever i remember or see anything from my childhood i wa bullied by my only friend group when i wa because i wa anxious about talking to my crush at the time and it got to the point where they made me extremely suicidal i wa then in an abusive relationship during the pandemic where i wa constantly gaslighted verbally abused emotionally abused insulted threatened with suicide and self harm a a result my severe anxiety and depression ha been increased to a point where i can t even go into school from how overwhelming it is i haven t been in since early february and i m on different medication for my mental health adhd and sleeping problem my life is so fucking miserable and i hate myself my inability to do anything and how i look i just want to completely tear my body apart from how disgusted i am being in my own body and i just want to kill myself more than anything a i know nothing will improve in my life and i will always forever be like this just getting worse and going down a further spiral,1
i just don t want to live with out my wife it s been nearly six month since she left tomorrow morning i want to go jump,1
i want to get help so bad i don t want to keep with the if all else fails i can always end my l fe mindset i m just scared because even if i do seek out treatment and for once i find a therapist psychiatrist who actually work for me i m not sure it s going the solve enough to make me want to keep fighting for this life there are so many issue right now so many thing i ve fucked up considerably even if i get to a place mentally where i feel like i can tackle them there s no guaranteeing i can actual change my situation i just wish i didn t have to wake up and continue to make my life worse i m a pathetic person i disgust and humiliate myself i m not meant to be in this world i m not meant to succeed in it im not meant to be anything or anyone other than this miserable lazy poor excuse for a law student i hate the person who look back at me in the mirror more than anything i just wish id never had to know myself,1
i wa really stupid and ordered nitrogen gas without thinking of a back story because i stupidly thought they wouldn t ask well i got a call an hour ago asking what it s for and i folded he could tell it wa bullshit and i sent an email asking to cancel the order and now i m scared i m going to get sectioned edit the cop actually did come around today because of this but i wasn t sectioned,1
people don t care unless it affect them i hate people,1
life is genuinely so miserable and i quite frankly don t want to keep living like this but at the same time not only am i afraid of dying i literally have no accessible mean of dying either im too much of a pussy for the more violent kind of death and i dont have access to any of the item required for the easier way out all i am capable of doing is waiting for something to magically happen shit is so fucked and im tired,1
throwaway in case i don t go through with this i have a loving boyfriend and i love him so so much but for some stupid fucking reason i sexted with my friend and i regretted immensely so when he eventually found out i apologized a much a possible and somehow he forgave me then it happened again and i just want to die now i have failed a a boyfriend and ruined something beautiful now my boyfriend and the friend i had the affair with hate each other and i never heard from the friend since it doesn t help that he ha several suicidal thought and now i just want to kill myself so nobody else get hurt all because i m a stupid piece of shit who deserves to be burned alive,1
simple holding gun to head purposely overdosing and ending up in the hospital more complex standing in the kitchen holding a knife searching the house for anti nausea pill to keep down the rest of the pill writing contact info on a sticky note to keep on your person so the cop can identify the body when doe one cross that line what defines a crisis,1
i ve been in therapy a few month cbt he mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate at first it seemed to help a little but the larger issue i have won t stop bothering me i make good money and i m not bad looking at all but i have basically zero friend and i haven t been on a date in over 0 year im and i ve been thinking about suicide a lot but i obviously can t tell my therapist or he ll get me emergency petitioned im really not sure what to do my anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse i can barely get myself to eat most day let alone exercise or try to talk to someone,1
hi friend i hope you all are well well i should explain myself i guess i don t feel like i exist i mean that i don t have many people in life and those who are i don t see them missing me friend are nonexistent i do have a few acquaintance i guess i ve tried to make new friend and reconnect with old but school work and the guard don t allow for much down time and it s like i m the only one trying so why bother the logic also go into my luck on dating though to be honest i haven t really been trying i think i would rather make friend first work school and the guard are just thing i do now i don t really do them because i want to but because they re thing i have to do and i don t remember why i just do them like i m on autopilot my family is currently ripping itself apart i ve known my parent haven t been happy for a while but i didn t realize how deeply they hated each other and in their crossfire is everyone else i ll keep it short but somehow a hundred mile away they still managed to hurt me a way i didn t expect and i ve decided to cut tie with my parent for the mean time at least my brother are quite literally the only thing keeping me tethered to the world i don t want to hurt them but i just don t feel any joy in any action i take or any agency i just feel numb to everything not angry not upset not frustrated just hallow i don t feel like the same person that played lego batman with his brother split a milkshake on his boyfriend played minecraft with his parent partied with his friend took pride in what i did could claim myself i m just not i look in the mirror and i don t feel like a person is looking back at me just this husk and i don t know how to undo that i don t know how i got here i don t know how to feel like a person again and not this ghost haunting the park i walked and the clothes i wore well thanks for listening to my rambling i wish the best for you have a good day,1
i constantly feel like harming myself i scratch myself hit myself in the face and constantly think about suicide i need a therapist but have no insurance i can t afford it but need it why am i living if it s going to be this way i threw away all these metabolism drink because they are making me insane my heart beat so fast and i can t for my mental health drink them anymore i m and feel mentally ill,1
to end this shitty existence,1
is this common or am i just the only one who s like this,1
i want to die so bad and i might carry on with it,1
i feel like shit i just want somebody to talk to idk if that s too much to ask for,1
cliche i know but my girlfriend left me we had been together for about and a half year our anniversary wa coming up in july when we met i wa depressed and had been planning suicide she pulled me out of that and gave me purpose and happiness now that she s gone i realize i ve been living my life for her and now that i m alone i don t know what to do with myself i have no other want than her and it feel like she s the only person or thing that can make me happy again i ve lost all interest in my hobby and i have no motivation for school which i only started so i could make money for the family i had dreamed we would have i feel like i m right back where i wa when she met me alone and depressed with no motivation and no desire to continue,1
i wish i succeeded those few year ago i wa so close but pussied out and hurt my neck pretty badly i wish i just kept up there for a few more minute then i wouldn t have had to deal with the absolute failure of a person that i am i want to end it i m useless and a horrible piece of shit i ve done some pretty bad shit and no matter how hard i try to fix thing to try and get my life together it just doesn t work i m now physically sick all the time in pain homeless and stuck in a fucking town i wish would burn to the ground i get bullied and mocked by the entire shitty as street i m in for being under a homeless organization for whole year i ve been begging for a house begging and begging asking for this asking for that can i please try and get this house no u can t can i please try and get this house no it all taken i ll never leave this hellhole i ll never get better nothing will ever get better so what s the actual point i m even too lazy to fucking kill myself even though i have the perfect plan grab my rope grab all my pill and favourite alcohol walk to the wood with my favorite stuffie and end it all by the place i felt peace for the first time i ll watch the water of the lake and then i ll finally be at peace and no more pain no more sorrow no more bullshit just nothing but no i m too tired to walk it i m too tired to write a letter i m too fucking tired to do it the reason why i haven t done it i need to take care of my boyfriend i don t care for anyone else because all of them are lying fuck but him i need to stay strong so he get a home so he can live happily but i don t know maybe my death can boost his chance of getting a better life it may hurt now but maybe my death will grab attention to him and then he ll get all the help he need might a well just got ta pick a date,1
in the last month since june 0 i have made bad decision after bad decision to the point where i have completely screwed my life apart i lost my gf because of it i lost my mentor which i loved so much because of it i am in major debt because of it the last month messed my life up and i know it s because of me i end up hurting everyone i love i loved them both so much i have been telling myself the same thing over and over again if i 00 knew that i wa going to heaven if i wa 00 sure that i wa going to god i would have killed my self a long time ago,1
life is so much pain and it get worse every year everytime i make a step forward life fuck me stepps back i just wish i could do it now today i don t even care anymore that my mom will be sad i never asked to be born in the first place should i do it end my life end this pain,1
i seen it all out here i ve dealt with the younger generation which i don t mind for some of them are very respectful but then again some just turn it around and just want to be with an older woman for sex where are the compassionate people anymore in this life i m screaming out for someone to listen a i would listen to you i don t want to die but i m so tired of this life,1
please kill me now i cant find remedy to this life i m literally numbed past few week me m month away from graduation but felt like failed list of failure inferior such that cant make a single friend 0th grade math mark such low that school didn t accept me grade wa c i am not dumb u fuking teacher th mark wa low bullied to mental illness in new school took admission in nice college using dad money first time felt dumb stupid useless wanted to die never been in a relationship don t know the problem there at this time upon i wrote this not a single person is there i call someone my friend many more such incident small or big are there it will take eternity to tell them all cant do suicide because i m scare of the pain cant live this life because what i have become and it giving me so much pain is there any cure is there any hope give me a pause button please please,1
im home alone for the first time in a while cant help but to think now is the time to do it hate my mind think this way but idk how else to think,1
i m had a suicide attempt around month ago and am struggling to move on after it i tried to overdose on my antidepressant i wa in the hospital for day on the psych floor until i got released since then i moved across the country and am living back at my parent s house in my childhood bedroom i applied for medical disability from my h teaching job am currently in therapy twice a week and thinking of outpatient program my antidepressant were increased along with adding a mood stabilizer all my life i ve never taken medicine and now i am on pill each day i am back at home and have no friend here i use no other social medium other than reddit due to my social anxiety i just adopted a cat for company but he hide from me all day i just feel so stuck and alone i ve been depressed for so long and am not sure how to move on i feel like i have regressed so much everything that i feared for my life when i wa young ha come true i am with no partner gay no job and no close friend my self esteem is shot and last night i cried for an hour when my dad sat beside my bed some day i feel ok but most day at some point i feel hopeless again honestly i don t know what to do with myself each day all my interest are gone and it is hard to just get out of bed anyone who ha been through this how do you move on i still feel i haven t completely processed the attempt,1
i m just really out of motivation damn i felt more depressed then i ever thought i d be a week ago and the week before that my depression is getting deeper and deeper,1
i just fucking hate my self i m turning into a fucking loser i ve recently pushed my girlfriend away by being a fucking depressed loser i fucked it all up just by not trying hard enough and i hate myself for it she wa the only person who actually loved me and now she doesn t want to see me anymore i don t know why i m surprised how could i be able to maintain a serious relationship when i can t even show up to work on time i never thought i would ever find love but i did and i fucked it all up fucked up the only good thing i had in my life work suck life suck and i m just soooo fucking over it i m not cut out for the ups and down of life i m just not cut out for life in general i m a fucking lost depressed loser that at the end of the day ha nothing to be proud of tonight i really just want to kill myself and end this hell i don t think i can take this shit anymore man,1
you probably know how i m feeling about it lately when my mom s been calling it sound like she s been cry i wish she hated me like she should,1
my father disagrees with me on everything and always brings nay topic up he know will annoy me i m only one person s true friend and even that is flimsy my stepfather bearly talk to me my mom always make acscusses about being mean i m atheist and my whole family is except sister are christian and think i m a failure for it my grade are going no where i see no point in continuing if god is real i m going too hell which is what i deserve i don t even know if these thing are true i hate myself and is not great at anything i don t know how i would even kill myself but if i saw a car coming i would not get out of the road if god isn t real ill never have to worry again because i don t exist anymore i just dont want too live and don t tell me the generic nonsense i ve heard it before it doesn t work,1
i don t get it what did i ever do to anyone i doubt even some of the people that know me will feel bad or even start caring once they find out i m dead maybe they ll never even know and not notice my absence but why,1
i don t know who i am anymore i ve tried so hard to regain a sense of who i once wa but it s pointless everytime i look at someone anybody i instantly feel reminded that i m nothing that i will always will be nothing i m not clueless i know why i feel this way i ve been strong for way too long i ve spent my entire life longing for something that will never come a decent family that isn t problematic friend and a proper support system this entire time i wa never strong because i wanted to be i had no choice but to be i m not a strong person keeping false hope by holding onto delusion to get by isn t what it mean to be strong i know the life i m living now won t last forever but the damage caused by everything i ve gone through is beyond repair i m unfixable my whole life ha been nothing but a buildup of trauma and it ll continue to be it ll never end more than anything i wish someone cared about me would hold my hand and tell me everything s going to be alright hug me when i cry into my pillow at night hold me when i m breaking down because i m not strong enough to take on the pain alone but no i ll never have anyone like that in my life only in my delusional mind if any word defines my life it s alone i ve taken this journey of endless trauma alone none ha ever truly cared everyone just watch me stagger along i wonder why i even wasted any of my time going to therapy none of my therapist have ever cared nothing ever changed i never felt any better i m currently feeling the worst i ve ever felt in my entire life i ve experienced so much pain throughout my whole life but nothing like this this pain destroyed all my dream destroyed who i once wa a a person there s only one way from here now and it s more down then i already am taking medication for my problem isn t what i need throwing pill at my problem isn t going to make me forget about everything that s ever happened in my life the only two thing that would be able to do that for me is severe brain trauma or death i m not going to use drug a mean of coping with my life using drug to solve and help with my problem i may be a worthless individual but i m wise enough to know having to take pill a a mean of getting better isn t the life i want i just need a human being in my life that care about me that is able to see my worth tell me i m more than all of this trauma however i know the reality and i won t sugarcoat it i come with too many challenge for anyone to have any sort of care for me i suffer from skin picking severe depression and anxiety ptsd constant disassociation where i forget who i actually am and feel like the world isn t real i m far too fucked up it explains why i have no friend why i have none in my life who truly care about me because of how long all of my problem have gone untreated i can t escape my suicidal thought my problem will always define who i am will always have the last say in everything i do nothing give me happiness anymore not food not drawing not reading or writing not watching the sunrise not the moon not late night not going outside not sleeping nothing all of it feel pointless now and it doesn t provide me happiness like it used to me i ve always preferred to keep my emotion to myself and not go to my parent for help because everytime i do i get the same response they always invalidate my feeling it s endless response that always tear me down they tell me i m overreacting that i should leave my problem in the past that i should stop being a crybaby that i should grow up already and stop being problematic saying that others have life worse and i shouldn t complain about it there s no point in wasting my time asking them for help i have none else i can reach out to none else that care i wa hospitalized a month ago after i told my school counselor about my suicidal thought what happened my parent were called i wa forced to go to the hospital and i got cussed out badly they said a variety of hurtful thing but what stuck with me the most wa being told that if i were actually suicidal i d have done it already telling me i m nothing but an attention seeker telling me i wasted my time asking for help and going to the hospital because no give a shit about me anyways no care at all for the fact that i m in the hospital because i don t want to live anymore i didn t choose to be open about being suicidal because i m an attention seeker i did it because i needed help surviving if my own parent don t care about me how can i expect anyone else to have any care for me the only living being i have left now is my lovely boy sled he may only be a dog but he s all i have left in this world unfortunately i just don t know if that s enough at this point to keep me going life ha given up on me so i want to give up on myself i m tired of my life consisting of surviving plainly existing without no meaning i don t want be strong anymore i don t want to live in my head anymore i never want to experience trauma ever again i want to escape i want to be free i m not sure if i ll ever get that chance in life and even if i do it won t be anytime soon if i had to guess possibly in a few year but i can t hold on that long hell i don t even know if i can make it to the end of 0 people with proper support system really don t realize how lucky they truly are that s the only that could save me from myself and the only thing i look forward to in the future if i make it the chance i ll have my own support system one of the worst mistake i kept repeating wa thinking that professional help would magically make everything better somehow it didn t i m never taken seriously because to them i m just another mentally ill person that doesn t hold much worth fuck that i do have many mental illness but i m aware and i sure a hell know what my reality is and what s going on i ve recently come to realize you can t rely on anyone but yourself to help you get better obviously this is far from easy when you re suicidal the harsh reality is i can give up or continue living my life in misery this isn t just the harsh reality for me but so many other individual who are suicidal or have suicidal thought or ideation it s not fair at all and none should ever have to come to that realization i feel like i m a lost cause now i m beyond sick and tired of hearing there s hope for the future something brighter to look forward to for the past few year i ve been feeling suicidal all i ve been doing is taking life one step at a time taking it day by day waiting for that one where thing finally start to turn around for me but it hasn t all the time i wonder maybe there s nothing left in my future except loneliness emptiness more nightmare to dream about more tear to shed and more trauma to endure i don t want to live like this anymore although i don t wish to die only escape this life i d rather be dead i don t want to be this aware i don t want to feel like this anymore i don t want the feeling of worrying about what the future hold to consume me anymore being failed by the system failed by society and failed by life is why i m suicidal,1
i m not suicidal i just feel everybody close to me slipping away and it s crushing me slowly so i wa wondering what are the main sign,1
don t want to do anything other than sleep drink or smoke because the future is hopeless because the past can not be changed and lost time is gone forever the logic center of my brain is screaming at me to exit this situation and that there s only one way that living in these condition is meaningless and all the more painful i ve tried everything i even treated myself a a stranger talking to myself a if talking to another telling them i love them and i would look after them and i forced myself to talk back i ve delved deep into question none right in the head would want to touch there s just nothing left to do i ve even begged for help pill only work a long a you take them even then they only take the pain away not the desire for death because it s all pointless in the end to hell with people who love me i m gone,1
therapy meditation working out changed my diet spirituality religion medication what else is there,1
i don t know why i hate myself so fucking much i want it all to end so i can finally be at peace with myself i honestly don t remember a time i wa happy even a a kid i tried to kill myself when i wa because i wa fed up with life they told me it get better but i m now and it s only gotten worse nobody can change how i feel i ve tried therapist different med all that shit nothing ha worked because life is a bitch and it s not easy i commend everyone who is strong enough to continue living because i am not,1
i reaching help from stranger i really need someone be here for me i cant handle the pressure from depression i really want to suicide please help,1
no matter how many people i talk to my suicidal thought always fester in my mind a problem shared is a problem halved a complete lie i ve told people about my deteriorating mental state yet the burden still weighs on me no amount of talking will ever ease the pain i live though my situation is hopeless and i can only predict a bleak future for me all i truly want is an end to my constant mental anguish i just want peace,1
i promised my girlfriend i wouldn t try to end it again but i m too weak tonight i m on the phone with her right now i don t know what to do i just want it to stop but i don t want to make her cry again i m worthless,1
i see it a the only solution that will make this everyday pain i feel go away forever,1
i m not going to make it after school won t pas and be stuck there i think going out is hurting me i do thing and when i get back home i think it over and think what a failure i am i say something or do something and then i think everyone is gon na laugh thing is i ve got year before i leave school but i m still worrying i m worrying that my friend will leave after the mandatory time needing to spend with me even if i do go out with them more because it s spring i m worrying that this isn t my lowest point my mom already ha anxiety and depression and my dad who is an arsehole is moving out and i m just gon na leave her for the rest of her life however long that is the title is a tiny lie though i hope my mom carry on when i m gone i hope she carry on with the memory or just forgets me entirely so she doe need the grief without me i ve never told anyone except just a few joke with my friend and i don t think they caught on this one time i written a suicide note in my memo but i m so stupid i can t tie a noose not even a shoelace only thing i m good at is writing my handwriting is terrible look like a preschooler written it and i can t even join it up i came on here because i couldn t find anything to cut with and i can t go downstairs to get something it got a bit of the weight crushing my chest off but there is still some,1
for anyone who s contacted the suicide help hotline ha it actually helped i don t think i ll make past this week although i have friend here for me and therapy i ve written all my goodbye and i m ready to do the deed a i ve got nothing left to lose any input is helpful,1
i m sick of living the world is going to shit depression is ruining my life no one want to help why is it bad that i want to kill myself i think i should be able to genuinely life ha no purpose and i contribute nothing to society i m sick of being told to suck it up it s just life like fuck off if i m not born into a communist utopia then i don t want to participate in this life shit all i do is lay in bed all day i m unhappy in my relationship in fact it s what triggered my current depressive episode i just want to escape all i do anymore is get high and browse tiktok that s it,1
i started having suicidal thought in april of last year and they lasted until around november in october i started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friend not romantic just friendship my mental health started getting a lot better after a couple month of friendship with her and it s kept getting better ever since a few day ago i made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her she won t text me back now i ve tried apologizing and trying to make thing right with her but i haven t heard back from her i m afraid i ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thought are back for the first time since last year i always hurt the people that i care about and i hate myself so much that i do this,1
my mom basically invalidated my feeling now i feel like doing sewerslide,1
i ve been keeping myself from here yet at the same time i keep coming back to read about other s experience maybe a a way to prove to myself that i don t have it a bad still though i feel so depressed and withdrawn from everything this suck everything suck i wish it wasn t like this plus i still can t put my finger on what exactly made me start thinking in such a nihilistic way i m constantly thinking if i went back in time or maybe if i did this just thinking of what could ve been knowing it s just going to drown me in hole of self absorbence i don t know if this ha bad grammar so if it doe then sorry,1
i quit my job today after being told yesterday that i m bad at it and could be fired if i fuck up again i figure that i d rather remove myself before i cause anymore problem because i know that i m intrinsically fucked since middle school i ve become convinced that i m retarded and that i m a fucking waste of space who should be put down i left this job hoping it d maybe remove some stress from my shoulder but instead i m more angry than ever and i really want to start cutting i m so sick of all of this i m sick of people telling me i should stay here and lying to me about how good i am i m sick of putting in effort only to fail at every turn i m really sick of all it,1
i ve been suicidal for year i hate my life and i haven t felt joy for a long time a much a my parent don t care for my feeling and neglect me i know that if i end myself they d be devastated seeing i m their only child i don t know what to do anymore tbh i really want to do it but i love my family too much to hurt them like that,1
i suppose i ll live one more month the thing that is keeping me alive is my favourite music group and now they are participating in a show and i want to see it ending because this group s music kept me alive since 0 also i ll see my brother birthday but i think that is my maximum at this point i m really glad that some people supported me even that they know me only because of my reddit post and i got more attention and support than from my ex friend through last year i hope that everyone will be happy i will continue telling everyone that suicide is the worst decision but i cant tell it to myself not anymore my close friend could have died yesterday the bomb exploded km away from her and she is still in danger i don t know what i would do without her i m always thinking of everyone else but me and i ll keep doing it i think i don t deserve to be saved actually i don t want to struggle anymore i ve got so much pain that i couldn t even put it all in 00000 word even if i ll try to live i m sure i will be suffering just even more i have so little light in my life i don t deserve to be loved i always make thing worse i m sure that everyone will be happier without me that they won t have to talk with me and my parent won t have to spend money on my university idk maybe it s just my stpd schyzotypical personal disorder i dont know i don t think i know anything i don t know what is happening around me i i m tired and i m sorry to everyone who had to read this i m so sorry,1
i m so sorry fernanda today i took different pill i don t know if it ll hit me in a few hour or when i close my eye and go to sleep maybe i ll survive i took what i have in the medication cabinet and today might be the day i give up fernanda my beloved i m so sorry i m dragging myself and my system to death some shout in my head saying they don t want to die that there ha to be another way but they aren t the host they can sit in the innerworld without a care but i live most of my life fronting my head hurt a i type this and i feel strangely calm with my heart slowing down to a normal pace something i wasn t used to anymore due to my sickness fernanda my love even if you don t read this i love you so much i mean everything i said in that message you make me the happiest man in the world and your support to be by my side made me feel a if i can continue just a tiny bit but i m so tired i can t continue studying and i can t do my passion you make everything so worth it i want you to live life with your fullest energy thank you for shining a light in my life i love you,1
i just feel trapped being alive and death there s no escape for me so wtf do i do,1
idk i m not a native speaker so i don t which crisis it is i m in my dorm room paralyzed took a seminar topic on which i can t find paper when i ask for help no one then came my shitty sem test mark with just the end sem remaining yes this is not the first time i ve cried after joining college i just can t see my future and i can only be numb to my grade and pain for so long,1
i am miserable when i wake up i am aware this due to more than just simply being mentally fucked up i live a shitty lifestyle however i feel a though most day are purely predetermined for me almost like it s always guaranteed to have me thinking about killing myself by the end of the day,1
my life ha gone way downhill first my best friend leaf without any kind of goodbye then my mother tell me that she doesn t love me after that my ex broke up with me then last sunday she told me not to talk to her again i can t take any of this shit for much longer i really just wished that it wa summer already then i could just kill myself and everyone would forget about me i would do it now if i could but i just think that it might be too close to my breakup and that maybe my ex would think it wa her fault when it isn t i don t really know what else to say my school ha this experience week thing where for a week we just have fun help out our community and don t have to worry about school everyone else in my grade is having fun laughing smiling and shit like that and i m just not i don t see how everyone else can find a way to be happy i see my friend laughing and having fun then they come over to hang out with me and i m just sad i honestly can t wait for the summer then i can fucking kill myself and not have to cry every night to sleep i don t know what help i might want or need but maybe some encouraging word or something might help but anything really would help,1
i few week ago i wa shing and not going to therapy and i honestly wasn t feel a horrible a usual i woke up and and i didn t feel super horrible i wasn t hating myself and my urge to sh wa going down then i went to therapy for the first time in month and i wa told i have to cooperate cause i wasn t or my therapist would recommend my parent do somethings more extreme ie physic ward after that i that i decide that i would try to stop shing everyday and immediately i became way more suicidal i wa clean for a week i now wake up everyday and i don t want to get up and i m instantly hating myself i broke that clean streak by doing half my forearm instead of just a few and i may try to km tomorrow so maybe i wa just going numb and i wa cool with that but it s seems to be better than now,1
i have a friend group at school yet i feel lonely and helpless i have anxiety and depression i ve always been a big guy 9 0 pound and i ve always been bullied for it i can t get a girlfriend because i m ugly and socially awkward i can t focus on school because i m always tired i can t talk to anyone about my feeling because i hate letting people into my bubble i miss the happy and innocent me at young age my mom left me with my grandma i hate to think what s gon na happen once she dy i hate myself i m ashamed of myself i wan na kill myself i m such a pussy i m afraid that god is real and i ll be punished i m afraid that when i die it will all be black and boring i don t know what s gon na happen if i do it if i fail straight to a hospital if my life doesn t get better i ll do it i hope if i do it i ll be reborn a someone normal and start over,1
it s simple a that,1
this is my first time writing this a releasing this properly i have had a plan for three year the plan is to end my life next year in may i have had this plan for three year up to this point so far i am not old and the only reason i am waiting is for convenience and not wanting my parent to find my body i honestly see no issue with me dying i don t want to keep living i don t want to die because i am in pain or whatever i just don t rly want to be alive anymore i want to cut contact with all my friend and family before i do it this may be hard but i will go through with it either way my time on this earth is coming to an end i am not religious in any way so i am a little scared in what happens next but honestly i hope it will be more interesting then my current mundane life anyways please refrain from going into the comment and writing ohh no please dont do it it not worth it if you do i will either delete your comment or just delete this post i just posted this because i wonder if i am alone with these feeling of just nothing ness,1
i ve been having a few thought of sh si throughout yhe past week and came pretty close to actually doing it a couple day ago because my so and i got into an argument and he said some hurtful thing that other people have said to me through my life so i thought if everyone feel this way about me then why shouldn t i do it i know people will say to tell my psych but i don t think it will last that long so i don t want to waste her time and my time i also don t want her to say i should go to a hospital because i think that would be pointless too and a lot of money,1
i feel like i shouldn t but i do i m tired and i m tired of being tired i m tired of feeling like i m broken and that i can t do anything right i m tired of feeling like i m in the wrong place and time and i m tired of hating everything i really hate everything most of all me i m tired of feeling alone i m fucking tired of it all i don t know what to do but i know i can t keep up with being a smiling shell i m going to fucking break if i have to keep trying,1
objectively unattractive have never been touched by the opposite sex objectively unemployable no one will know i m gone never been valued peace out,1
it may or may not make sense to you guy but i don t want to kill my self but i think about it a lot i m a sophomore in college and a everyday pass by i get more and more behind i don t have many friend up here and if i do i wouldn t call them good friend my schedule is so busy that i haven t been able to go home and see my parent or sibling in almost month these thought seem to be escalating but in a weird way some are soothing for the past week nothing help me sleep unless i think about what i would say in suicide letter to my friend and family again i don t want to kill my self but some of these thought are thing i can t control i hope i m able to be better than these thought and regather myself before it get worse,1
i m not strong enough to kill me,1
i m about to be living in nyc and have never done anything worth wilde with my life and im sure im doomed to become one of those in the way people who don t do anything in their life which i feared most of my life nothing i seem to attempt to accomplish work out no matter how hard i work or how right i do it i gave so much time to job organization to further my career path only to used a free labor studying only to use up all my forgiveness credit and flunk out i ve been wanting to end it all for a while every time i sleep i see the bk bridge the spot i picked out year ago to end it i feel like i rather be gone than keep living with fact that i m a grown man that s not worth anything hell my mom ha told me that i haven t done anything for her to be proud me and i won t let my partner destroy herself trying to help me i wanted to be an engineer for nasa when i wa younger but here i am today the world shitist it guy that hasn t been able to find a secure job in the past year i ve been desperate for work for a while today i wa given a work assignment from my contract company only to be told i don t exist in the company so i can t work,1
i don t know what else to add don t try to comfort me i didn t want any flower i only wanted to lie with my hand turned up and be utterly empty how free it is you have no idea how free sylvia plath tulip,1
i hate myself,1
because he s so sick of me saying it and not actually doing it hahahaha yeah no one care i hate my fcking life i have bpd avpd and c ptsd everyday is miserable i hate it here i want out can someone who is planning too please chat me i wan na talk about way to go,1
i put a resolution that if i didn t get a relationship by the time i m 0 i m going to kill myself at the end of the year i m 9 i turn 0 in mount i found someone but i really screwed everything up because i feel i don t deserve to be happy with anyone and this feeling like i should just end it all is still here on how a screwed everything up is i wasn t there when she needed me most when her mother died i talked to a few others and they think it s because i couldn t handle my mother s own mortality when this happened i retreated into myself and closed everyone out and barely spoke with anyone i don t know if i can make it much longer because i love her with everything i have and her heart is broken because of me i hurt her i can t fix it and i can t handle that,1
i want to kill myself but i dont want to die i got my result and i barely passed when my dad get to know he s gon na hit me im really scared i tried my best i really did but i cant focus i dont want to die please tell me to kill myself,1
it s like knowing your place in this world i ve always been proud of me i always felt i ve done thing a they should be done fairly loving good people listen to others helping them always trying to draw a smile on their face and making their world a better place because life is short and everyone deserves to be happy no matter what and i thought i deserved that too but all i can see is that i m lonier than ever i never felt what is being loved the only partner i had abused and cheated on me leaving me memory like me cry next to him and he sleeping peacefully i ve been in love recently again but i got rejected like a few time before that previous relationship i guess i m not good enough a always there s always prettier people than me i lost friend and people i thought they were my friend family and the two three friend i have now can t understand how lonely i feel some of my friend deceived me when i thought they would be here for me at hard time like i always did for them all i try to be happy seems to be in vain i will never be precious to someone i m sure that people who know me will still live if i die so i don t care anymore if i die right now life go on for them but i want to stop mine now my place isn t in this world i m hoping for a sudden death like a car accident a domestic accident or something that kill me because i m a coward and i won t kill myself hoping my parent donate my organ so someone with force of will life a happy life a life i wanted for me but i never got,1
i get so confused sometimes i don t know whats real why i m being so dramatic if i can ever actually do this,1
people always tell me how handsome i am i m ft with a muscular build i have a deep voice i m well read with interesting hobby and i can make people laugh but my teenage year were miserable with crippling social anxiety lack of confidence 0 friend and most importantly for me not even a touch of skin with a girl let alone holding hand you wouldn t believe just how crippling it wa i couldn t look a stranger in the eye properly until i wa 0 i wa raised to be away from other kid and naturally my only source of fun wa videogames at least hour a day people are always surprised to find out i m single i ll be tonight i somehow got through college without understanding social cue from my female classmate a couple of whom i later found out for sure liked me and that they had dropped some hint my life ha been on constant repeat of music porn and videogames i ve been begging god since i wa for a girlfriend after i just hoped i would get one soon and soon and soon with the pandemic flying by i realized it s almost been year and that i m about to be i can t bear it it s too painful every one of my peer have boyfriend and girlfriend they had at least a couple of long term one before my age this is killing me i feel like a baby that wa never cared for by his parent so i turned out to be a cold hearted psychopath from lack of love i feel like i m literally going insane i ve been having weird idea lately not just suicidal idea idea that would scare a normal person i finally understand how a normal person can go crazy like this it doesn t matter if i get a girlfriend now that part of my life ha been so bad so lonely that i m at a point that nothing is able to hold back this suicidal feeling i ve always been more emotional than other guy especially when it come to love i know guy my age that don t care about not having girlfriend but my problem is not that i don t have a girlfriend now it s that i ve never had one when i needed it the most i have a lot of med in my drawer that i m gon na gulp down with whiskey and go to sleep after shooting heroin i jokingly told people that i don t feel like living and their only response wa that death is painful well this way it won t hurt a bit,1
i got my thing set up i ll run away and try to cut my wrist probably on some kind of train track or busy road to be certain i cant deal with life anymore i m just exhausted and i want my rest ik i tried to do it but i always bursted out in tear and eventually did not commit to it but it enough life keep throwing rock and i don t dodge them anymore i tried getting help and didn t get any i tried talking to ppl but got ignored i tried just going on but now i can t deal with it anymore i fucking y o and i always say it normal to be kinda depressed at this age but i don t believe it normal i don t get love and i probably don t deserve it just wan na leave this message for the ppl that know me you probably don t care bc i tried talking and you did nothing it not your fault i m just a coward and cant deal with it anymore so bye have a wonderful life,1
how can i leave my abusive relationship and still keep my cat i ve been suicidal and right now my cat is the only part of my life that make me want to be alive i don t have anywhere to go and currently live alone with my bf thing started becoming physical when i called him out for cheating now i feel unsafe and desperately want to get away i m sure we re going to be losing our place due to not having money to pay rent i m wondering if anyone had resource out there where i can get help to leave and still keep my cat with me thank you to any who help,1
it can take me almost a week to clean something simple or put away a small pile of laundry i didn t even eat today by anxiety wa too high and when i brought it down the depression wa unbearable all i can think about is how i never asked to be in this life to be born especially in today society i have trouble connecting with people and my social anxiety is so bad all the therapist i ve seen never really cared and acted like i wa being over dramatic the pill made everything worse and now i m apparently treatment resistant i can t even finish my resume because i m terrified of being around people again yet i can t find anyone who care enough to help my friend don t understand and they ve given up on me i just want a simple stay at home job with very little human interaction my friend said that s impossible which made me even more suicidal i hate the phrase it s a permanent fix to a temporary situation this isn t temporary i ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for basically year now yes i ve tried to get help but nothing ha worked i just keep getting worse i don t want to wake up i m too afraid of messing up an attempt that i haven t gone through with it i m just stuck in this hellish existence and i just want it to end i have no purpose no meaning please i just want it to end,1
i can t do this anymore i think i might finally end it all i m just not sure the right method to complete it i have nothing more to live for i can t go on feeling how i feel i m all alone with no one to help me today is just the final straw i just need all the pain inside to end i ve attempted before and it didn t work i need to make sure it work this time,1
i m and recently have gone back to school in person during covid were some of the best time of my life strangely enough a i learned i had a passion for game development and met so many cool people that i could just hang out with all day and never get bored though now that i have gone back to in person schooling i have felt so lonely i have always struggled with finding close friend with them always having someone else i feel like everyday is a massive obstacle and it s so repetitive and i just feel so lonely all the time idk what to do anymore i feel like it would just be easier to feel nothing then have to do this shit every god damn day since i don t have time to hang out with my game dev friend anymore and i just wan na die and all my other friend go to different school which make it rly impossible to get close with them i have tried talking to girl and i always fuck it up and i just can t do this shit anymore i feel so lonely and wan na km tho i know i m too much of a pussy to actually do it since it would be painful,1
sorry for the clickbait title i just really want to share call this number if you re feeling down and hopefully it ll lift your spirit 0 99 0 i saw it on instagram,1
i don t know if i want to die but i wish i wasn t ever born i am so fucking confused i constantly imagine myself getting hit by a train or jumping from high building i browse way to get oneself killed all i have are negative thought i imagine myself killed in accident or fight i am on medical study and i am not fucking interested in anything that these study involve i hate each and every one of people that are in here my group are all guy whose goal in life is to fucking learn a much a they can and boast about it later if they only have chance destroying other people by chance they are not fucking human i tell you their mindset is fascist hurting and non respective for others that i sometimes ditch fucking day on uni because of it they are fake pretending to be your friend while the other day they plunge you in front of every other my friendship with my only true homies from high school is constantly deteriorating my best friend got himself a girlfriend and got so fucking high on her that he completely lost touch with reality he doesn t fucking care anymore i do not have a girlfriend nor a chance to get one i do not have perspective for my life my real ambition are completely separate from the path that i ve already chosen every day is the same i don t find enjoyment in life i hate degenerate humankind but i am somewhat a degenerate myself i suspect myself to be fucking autistic because of symptom that appear in everyday social interaction call me stupid incel or whatever i do not fucking care i just needed to write this,1
the word kill yourself repeating in my mind every time i think of how fucked my life is,1
i can t tell you how many time i ve hoped for someone to show up to a place i m at and shoot me maybe then i ll make it onto the news maybe then someone will give a damn maybe,1
i m tired of seeing political shit all the time everybody is always making fun of someone or arguing with someone and it s everywhere i wan na fucking kill myself for the sole purpose of escaping it it s not just on reddit either it s youtube it s real life it s tv commercial and tv show i hate it so much it make me lose all hope for humanity i want to leave this country but i can t i fucking hate living on this god forsaken planet please if anyone who is hyper political is reading this fucking stop do something else,1
for a far a i could remember i wa always depressed and hopeless i wa always the mediator so i took in all the negative energy from others and let everyone use me like a emotional punching bag i grew up in a very dysfunctional way and i don t want to share it exactly but i want it to be known not only that but i have been fucked at every turn in life i ve been sexually manipulated almost burned alive neglected and i ve been told to just deal with it even though it pained me extraordinarily so the biggest thing that made me want to commit wa when my father passed and ever since i felt suicidal last march i wa going through some bad memory and i wa just being extremely depressed i remember waking up at am and numb in every conceivable way emotionally mentally and physically it wa like i wa in a trance and before i knew it i wa making a noose when i wa done i went outside and found a tree to tie the noose on and then before i did it i snapped out of it i remember just standing there and looking at the noose for good minute or so and then i chickened out i took the noose and threw it behind my shed and went to talk to suicide hotline sometimes i feel like i should ve just ended it then and there i still get so depressed and angry that i just have no idea on what to do that urge is creeping back and i feel more of a waste of space than ever what should i do,1
now i regret ever seeking help the hotline had me wait so long and basically just mirror my word what s the point of looking for help anyway they just add to thing i fail again,1
i m trying to take a sick mental health day but it s not working i m so paranoid i won t get to graduate eighth grade for having absence yeah our school give u 9 per semester but i m scared and yeah my principle ha been pretty lenient and let people with f s pas i have good grade but i always think everything is going to turn out horribly for me no matter what i do i feel so useless my friend don t seem like they even like me i m pretty much down to one friend that actually like me and it s an older girl i met online and that s pretty much it i want to die everyone and everything end up hurting me,1
i d give anything to die i can t take this pain anymore,1
i m not fat and dumb it s just how my life s been for a long time now and i don t see any change happening in the next few month or year idk,1
im so tired of being alive and experiencing thing in general nothing is fun i suffer non stop and i feel like people that try to get rid of me are following me what s the point to live when i m only going to encounter these people everywhere and work a hour job just to go home and sleep i feel like the only reason people want me to stay alive is so that i can be put to use for them i have 00g of sn and antiemetic maybe i will put them to use tomorrow sometimes i wish i could just hire a killer to do the job for me,1
idk how or when maybe overdose on some pill but i don t wan na suffer or maybe hang myself but again i don t wan na suffer,1
im so tired i just want to sleep forever making a promise to myself that tonight is the night reaching out for help didn t work i can t do this anymore sorry guy,1
i dont remember the first year of my life due to my father and his friend molesting me till mum finally managed to get away from him my earliest memory is drowning at the age of and having no one to care about me afterwards i wa just sent on my way at 0 i wa accused of beating my little brother when nobody wa looking mum refused to believe me even when he finally said it wa a kid at school that wa the first time i nearly killed myself life ha not gotten better my sister married another abuser my step dad lost the house and car and my mum is a neurotic mess who couldn t give a shit about me besides a her emergency atm i dont see why i should bother with life when this is all i have known it literally never get better i finally know how i will do it i have given myself week to see if i still want to do it and nothing ha changed my family probably wont know for a while nor care so this may be my only chance to say good bye life is just shit for some people i lost before i got a chance to start and i am fine with that now i suppose,1
my roomate talk with her parent everyday for atleast 0 0 min and the maximum duration i spend on call with my parent is min it s not like they don t love me but i guess i m too boring or irritating for my parent too being a loner with no friend i crave for that extra one minute to talk and share what happened in the day with my parent ofc holding my tear back i hate how my roommate are social butterfly and how they are connected with their parent too i hate myself,1
i lost everything lost friend lost the love of my life most painful lost my tooth have a fragile filling lost my youth i keep losing i ruined everything and keep ruining everything i am tired i really want to know my future will i find my place in society and a loving heart or will i die alone miserable and pathetic should i risk and keep living i don t like risking dying seems like a safe option my existence is pathetic i am the worst man alive cowardly and egoistic,1
ive always been extremely considerate for people need even sacrificing my own for the sake of their need always just never telling the full picture or always refraining from saying certain thing a i do not want to offend people i just never get that level of consideration back not even half of it i must be a prick asking for this stuff i shouldnt expect anything for being kind but it always suck when you always get the short end of the stick always ignored no one give a shit not even from redditors though ive met some pretty kind one but the others are honestly garbage i remember i once typed something about killing myself and some random person messaged me sayinng that they want me to buy something for them a i anyways would not stay here for long that wa a year ago on this subreddit there wa a deleted comment in that post but i guess it wa the person who messaged me that one year ago ready to kill myself and here we are a year later and no progress with that i also remember another dude who said tick tock when i mentioned about killing myself not in this subreddit but from the trueoffmychest one i honestly fucking wonder why im even here ive amounted to almost nothing im tired of caring or expecting any form of love ive had so much copium in my entire life that i just never realised that no one really give a shit about me and im just dangling on a fucking thread that just wont fucking break cuz im a coward who secretly want to live but just want this fucing contant pain misery and dissappointment to just go away for once in my miserable life tldr fuck everything and everyone goodbye and goodnight,1
the title pretty much sum up everything i turned a couple of day ago and i ve been dealing with my depression etc for a couple of year now and i ve been feeling completely hopeless about my future and everything else i just want to disappear forever,1
i m so tired of living every day i wake up and resent that i m still alive wasting oxygen i m in pain every day i want it all to stop i wish my mum had an abortion when she wa pregnant with me i hate myself,1
i m 9 year old and i have been depressed and lonely since i wa i have had some ups and some people that i connected with over the year but i have lost them all or wa betrayed by them i don t know how to talk with other people even people who have similar interest to me and i always think i make everyone feel awkward when they are around me or that i m imposing myself on them every month i tell myself that thing will get better and sometimes they do but then i lose what made me happy and everything else go wrong too it s been year of telling myself that thing will get better only to have them turn worse and i m so tired of it i am really afraid of death and i realize that i don t want my life to end i just want another life but suicide is starting to sound like the most bearable option,1
so i have a friend that is showing warning sign of suicide what do i do to avoid a crisis situation and what do i do if it becomes a crisis and help is too far out i know every second matter and every action and word can mean the difference between life and death for my friend any and all help is appreciated,1
i need therapy and i finally fully acknowledge it i am an unemployment year old student in lebanon middle east not the u my parent are some old school arab folk that would never entertain the idea of me going to therapy and the fact that i could never share the real reason behind it only make thing harder and the possibility of them cooperating even more impossible thankfully i can figure out how to sneak to therapy behind their back and although i have it really hard money wise i could afford a mid to low budget therapist a long a it will get me anywhere it would be the absolute biggest financial burden ever but i guess i got ta heal my problem among a couple lesser one i am what would be best described a in my own word casually suicidal i have been for so long just wanting to die and although i have no intention to act on it it weighs a lot on you to be jealous out of all thing from people that die around you i am scared that talking about it to a therapist might make her have to break confidentiality another thing that i am worried about is that any therapist i d go to might not be okay with me because of my belief i am pretty certain that my nihilistic philosophy backed by my lack of religious belief would have to be talked about problem is that i live in a muslim community and in these community my perspective on religion isnt taken lightly what is your take your opinion and all of that sorry if the text is messy and all over the place i just wanted to journal and thought that i might use this opportunity to take someone s opinion a well,1
tw sui attempt mention of method invalidation take care of yourself before reading i m really really confused because i keep really really invalidating all the time i wanted to die i don t want to call them attempt because they aren t serious i took redacted amount but not a lot of zoloft the first time which is not enough to kill anyone i didn t know that but i wanted to die so that s the closest i think i ve ever gotten to a real attempt but i feel like it s more of an od than an attempt and i m just calling it an attempt based of my ni vete at the time the other two were the same night so i don t even know if i should classify them a separate or not the first the rope wa way too long and the second i didn t tie it correctly and it slipped i didn t try after that but like i never even got a little choked can i even call those attempt i wanted to die but wasn t in any danger these were all year ago and i ve had some therapist say they were attempt but i don t really believe that i wasn t close to dying like my intention i m so ashamed to even call them attempt because they seem so pitiful this past december i feel confident calling my cut a suicidal gesture because if i wasn t chicken i would have gone deeper into the artery i still needed stitch though because i wanted to die but knew that i wouldn t go deep enough so that s not even a true attempt either everyone else i talk to in my life with attempt is like yeah i attempted x amount of time and almost died and had to be in the hospital and i m sitting over here thinking how fucked up is it that i m calling my pitiful gesture attempt when they haven t even come close to having negative consequence it doesn t seem right to me am i just calling them attempt for attention because i want to make people think it wa more severe then it actually wa,1
i wa on the edge of killing myself i wa dissociating and experiencing derealization on a daily basis i didn t think i would ever make a decision to pull the trigger but i wa convinced one day i would sleepwalk into doing it it wa strange but maybe some of you know what that feel like i quit drinking and doing all drug i wa depressed for a week but now i have not felt this good in year five year maybe i feel like myself again i tell joke i think clearly about thing and find enjoyment in life nothing else ha changed in my life but the weight of my emotional problem just doe not feel a heavy and it is not something that i am burdened by every minute of every day like it wa before i don t care what anyone else doe with their life i ll probably have a drink when i go out again starting in a few week but before anyone take drastic measure please try cleaning up just to see what your mind feel like in it natural state it ha worked for me and i did not ever think i would feel normal again it is working and i really really hope it can work for some of you too nobody should have to feel the way we have felt,1
i tried to make my dream come true trying to make the law school thing work but it just won t happen i just wanted to succeed in law so bad but after the constant humiliation inability to compete with my peer and lack of a discernable future i ve realized i m not intelligent enough to succeed alcohol ha taken over my life recently trying to runaway from all the failure ha me in a drunken stooper most night so a would obviously follow im just thinking about escaping this world leaving it all behind and doing so in a responsible way in which only i would be harmed i m just not cut out for this world i know this with certainty i ve seen enough of life to where i just know im not strong enough to withstand it s horror i want this world to no longer have to deal with me i want no one to ever have to know me,1
i have nothing to offer anybody that they can t and don t get from a dozen other better people i m ashamed to even exist in front of others let alone pretend that i m a real interesting in any way attractive person i m tired of pretending though i m tired of feeling like knowing that nobody care and for good reason other people are just unconcerned with me all of them always i m going to be alone until i kill myself nothing help nothing will help i m just a reject which make so much of life off limit to me and it s part that feel extremely important,1
i lost a 0 dollar bill my mom gave me for emergency money that i have to give back to her i think that s god saying it s time for me to leave i m so poor and that wa not something i could lose i deserve to starve because of my stupid mistake i don t even deserve food i don t deserve to afford food anyway,1
i fucking hate my life i hate everyone,1
for a long a i can remember i ve always just felt inferior i m not good at anything i m not attractive i m not rich i don t have any unique talent or ability i literally just exist to let people down i always thought that a i got older i d slowly figure it all out but it hasn t gotten better and it never will i deserve to die for being a burden to everyone in my life,1
what the title say,1
loved her and gave her everything we went through alot cancer for my mom cancer for her mom we leaned on eachother stress life living together just so much love for her if you check my last post on r infidelity you can see the detail basically she dumped me said she feel numb need to be alone stress her mother illness work all that devastated me i accepted her decision and even told her if she feel like she need to be alone she s doing the right thing i wa going to propose soon now i wa devastated already really bad really in the most pain and now to find out she wa cheating put it on a whole new level the feeling of being thrown in the garbage and replaced the feeling of inadequacy like i can t be loved there a way out and i can end the pain i don t see a way out for me im so lonely im in so much pain,1
when all i did wa be there for her i drove fucking mile when her anxiety wa about to make her pas out when her parent wouldn t understand even when she left and there were pregnancy scare and thought of him leaving and now the whole town know me a a fucking rapist and stalker even though we only kissed once i know this is going to sound fucked up even worse but i genuinely can t take the lie no one should get away with doing that to someone else and i really don t think im going to let her i really really really really don t want to but it s all i can think about god help me,1
i wish i have never been born funnily enough i wa saved by the doctor at least twice in my life i don t understand fate really there are were many more deserving people to live than i am now i have to clear all this mess that i ve created i need to get rid of take care of so many thing i don t want my family to face all these problem after my death i don t want anybody at work to know i did not even want to create this post but by writing it the pain becomes more bearable and i can focus on finishing the thing i need to do at least that is the plan but there is still such a long road ahead of me and the pain is so unbearable so relentless and suffocating i would really like to give up sooner and i can t i want to escape my mind and my feeling be somewhere else not to exist would be paradise,1
waiting for godot is a play where nothing happens two men stand at a bus stop waiting for a man named godot to come he never arrives that s existence waiting for someone or something that never arrives i ve been waiting for my friend for a long time and yet they never come i used to think i had a few close friend who would be there for me when i needed them but time ha proven otherwise so i m waiting for godot now but sooner or later i could simply find a ticket and take a bus,1
i want to overdose and be done with this shit i m tired any pill combo that could help me,1
because i have a feeling that most of you see yourselves a rick s you feel like you re a god cuz you ve realized that you could transcend emotion and everything but you re just trash in the end at least that is how i feel xd,1
haven t written here in a long time let myself believe i wa getting better but seems like it s all just a scam i just wish i had my escape route open we shifted a few month ago and now my escape hatch is gone too,1
i feel so trapped been through a divorce that s completely breaking me financially i have no friend and i work too much to make them i wa dating a lady fell hard for her and i can t move past her or get over her since we work directly with each other my job is a fairly uncommon one so i don t have much opportunity for another one that s pay a well i m completely stuck and i just want to be done with all of life s bullshit that s all i ever get handed is bullshit,1
it feel like ever since i wa younger i couldn t ever make myself feel a will to live for context i wa abused pretty badly by my mom at a young age hit in the face beer bottle broken over my head and all the mental shit that came with it and at my grandma took me in and then i moved into my own place at my age now 0 but the feeling never went away in fact it stayed with me and i ve always been lonely never even had my first kiss through out my life and the feeling of just shooting my fucking brain all over my wall get stronger each week i have called hotlines and it s helped a lot but i never get over it in the long run,1
i m at a very weird place in my life right now i m a year old male in college i m failing my college class a i have no motivation to do well in them i have a very poor relationship with my parent and family the one organization in my college that i m extremely involved with ha cut tie with me over accusation that are not true i have a leadership role in this organization and being a leader in the organization with no prior experience ha brought me a ton of hater and people that just want to see my downfall i literally have no future a i m supposed to graduate this semester and get a job but i am nowhere near both i can t pursue my real passion and to top it all of and what really might put me over the edge is problem with this woman in my life we met through this organization that i wa talking about earlier in this text a a captain i have my own committee of people that i oversee and she wa one of my committee member the first time we hung out in october she took me out to a bar after i turned it wa just me and her we quickly started to develop this really cool friendship where d we hangout and talk almost daily a a young man hopeless in love i started to develop feeling but nothing crazy because i almost always saw her a a best friend first and i m sure she felt the same way then we were at a bar about a month ago she wa talking to some guy at the bar and i wa having a funny conversation with my friend but i could see from the corner of my eye that she wa talking to this man and that s when i first started feeling these feeling of jealousy but i could tell she wa looking at me too talking to my friend and she came to me and we embraced and i hugged her almost all night had my arm around her and everything and she had her hand over mine too and we just kept feeling each other this wa the first time we ever moved into this phase of our friendship and i think we both felt something brewing in our heart for one another a few day went by and i wa out yet again talking to this other chick i met at the bar and we ended up almost hooking up back at my place but i couldn t go through with it because all i could think about wa my best friend who i really liked i m an introvert at heart and will always keep my feeling inside because i m scared to tell people how i feel and i suppress those feeling but literally the next day after this hookup that didn t happen i wa at a friend s st birthday party and got hammered myself and i had this urge of wanting to tell my best friend how i truly felt about her and that s exactly what i did it wa a thursday night she always go to this one specific club on thursday night so i ditched my friend and went to that club to see her and it literally played out like a romantic film she wa the first person i saw when i walked in and went up to her and for the first time in my life i poured my heart out to her and told her how i felt about her and how she make me feel and at first she wa shocked and then she said she felt the same way and we kissed for a long time at this moment i wa on cloud 9 i had never had a girlfriend before had never been in a relationship before but in this moment it wa just me and her against the world and i loved it we started to head back to my apartment but the alcohol wa kicking in for me and i passed out once i got back to my apartment i woke up the next day and saw her heel on the floor but she wa nowhere to be found so i texted her and told her that i wa sorry for passing out from the alcohol but i meant every word i told her last night she didn t text me back till later that day and she said that she wa thinking about it all day and night and she didn t want to fuck up our friendship a it s one of the few good thing in her life right now and i totally get that wa i disappointed hearing this yeah of course i wa but i texted her back saying that we can talk about this in person another time but for right now enjoy your weekend the next day we saw each other at a party and i talked to her outside and told her that i d rather say we tried to make it work and it didn t rather than not giving u a chance at all and she never gave me a clear answer she texted me later that night saying that she needed a break and some time to think so i said okay a few day later we had our last committee meeting and it wa so awkward cause we hadn t talked before and we were on this so called break and after the meeting ended she immediately left even though she usually wait for me i got a text from her later that night around am saying that this letter i wrote for everyone on my committee wa very sweet and cute and i asked her how long this break should last and she said she wasn t sure a she didn t want me to think that she wa leading me on which i thought she wa doing so we hopped on this facetime call and had a really nice long conversation about all the stuff we had to catch up on and then after an hour i switched the topic back to our relationship and she basically said that she didn t feel the same way i wa so hurt when she said this because all the sign pointed to her liking me too and i really felt like i knew what her heart wa saying we both went to sleep cry that night for each other the next day i sent her a text this time saying that i do need some space to figure thing out and we can talk after spring break so for the next week we didn t talk she didn t view my story like any of my social medium post and just simply didn t communicate with each other and it wa one of the worst thing for me to go through a she wa someone i really looked forward to talking to and to not be able to do that just sucked the sunday before we came back to college i texted her and asked if she d be down to hangout that first week we got back and she said she wa down to do so and i wa so happy because it felt like i wa getting my friend back again but then a few day later she angrily text me asking if i told anyone that we hooked up which isn t true and i told her that i didn t which is true there were rumor going around about u from people that saw u hangout a lot that saw u embrace at the bar that saw u kiss at the club and saw u walk back to my apartment together so people could only assume that we were a thing and i kept telling her that but she wasn t having it she facetimed me saying that she regretted ever kissing me she didn t want to be friend anymore and all this shit i wa extremely hurt hearing this and just wanted my friend back and wanted to forget ever opening up my feeling for her so i sent her a really long text explaining that i never said anything that i really cared about her and just wanted my best friend back she responded by saying that she appreciated me reaching out and that she wa over the situation and that she s not ready to move forward with me and doesn t think our friendship will ever be the same so i texted her this morning and i said i get it and if there wa any way we could meet in person and just talk she responded back by saying that she s potentially open to it but not now maybe next week so i said i just genuinely need someone to talk to but i understand her the last text she sent me wa i don t think i can be that person for you anymore i m sorry i am heartbroken devastated and hopeless angry at myself angry at this world and i just want to leave i have no direction in life no one to turn to anymore and i just want to end it all a soon a possible,1
so i m starting to reach the point of getting rid of thing i own that way no one else ha to do that i don t really want to be in this mood but i don t see why i should bother trying anymore i m at the point where i can t hide how miserable i am and i don t want people to tell me it will get better or that i ve come such a long way i feel like i m holding those people back and they re wasting their energy on me i m not scared of dying anymore even though all i want is to not feel like garbage,1
i ve just massively overdosed on all of my prescription and it won t be long till i get peace i live by myself so no stopping it now no point complaining about why but i guess this is just a last goodbye it s too late to go back on it i finally feel like i ve made the right choice for the first time in my life it s nice thanks good luck,1
im now and my entire fucking life people have laughed at me every day i get told negative thing about my body and personality every fucking day a while back i reached out to my friend about self harm all they did wa joke around and tell me to cut myself deeper now i told them about suicide and they did exactly the same they even gave me method on how to do it i just wan na die i wan na stop existing and then everything will be over why is it so hard for them to understand this is serious i don t get it,1
i feel trapped and like there s no way out everything feel like shit i went through ton of family and mental health issue but i soldiered on and i got my college diploma in social science and my bachelor degree in sociology i wa on the dean s list i worked my as off through mental illness and exhaustion and i m in thousand of dollar debt i did everything people told me to do keep going get a degree take out loan and now i can t find a fucking job that doesn t pay total shit public transit is beyond atrocious i just have 0k debt staring at me in the face every time i open my bank app i ve applied to hundred of job hundred of job my brother want me to go back to school and get more debt more fucking debt he want me to leave my boyfriend and move to another province i can t talk to him about my issue because every time that s all he suggests same with my best friend my dad life in a tiny town in newfoundland and make shit wage my mom life somewhere in ontario and ha made no effort to help me out despite not getting to see me grow up due to a nasty divorce i have no will left i m afraid i m gon na snap and go crazy i try really really hard to be positive but it s really hard to keep it up i feel like i m in one of those trap where the wall are slowing squishing you until you die please doe anyone have any advice anyone i m dying my hope is fading so fast,1
i m a high school student f and i m not living in a country which speaks english so i m sorry if i m making grammatical mistake i m so exhausted i have did because of the s xual a ault i went thru a a child i can t deal with all these flashback and i have exam responsibility i can t even get out of bed but i have to study for exam i don t even know what i want in the future i don t want a future at this point i can t do this anymore so i decided to end it all tonight goodbye everyone,1
yeah maybe you get your shit off your chest but nobody really care even here for the most part maybe 00 people read what you wrote but probably just will comment on it and say something to cherish you can someone make a group chat or like a discord server where we can vc and talk for hour and hour idfk please,1
i wa just doing my fucking job today like any other normal person and somebody wa very obviously taking photo of me why fucking live like this my life is already shit because i m disabled and in chronic physical pain that will persist for my entire life people just have to dump more on me by alienating me i hate my life i want to die but also i want everybody who ha ever taken a picture of me to die also i hate them and myself nothing but staring laughing and pointing whenever i go outside it must be such a fucking privilege to look normal and never have to deal with those thing,1
surviving and being in worst condition or facing the disappointment of my family is the only thing stopping me from ending it,1
i feel so much worse after talking to a counseller i swear this time i might actually do it,1
suicidal all weekend watched the infamous funky town gore video i m usually ok with gore and death but that wa horrific made me think could that be me in hell for eternity i mean if human could do something that drawn out and horrific there s no telling what would be in store down there and all because i couldn t handle the cruelty of human nature,1
i ve tried everything i can think of or have been forced into and i m not getting better i m failing every class because i can t get myself to show up my parent are sick of me and trying to get me sent away my mom telling everyone i know about how i m such a pain in the as everybody is telling me to get my as up and get over it but i feel like nobody get me i am so tired and so done,1
well i have so much going on in my brain let me try to organize it having an existential crisis i m i ve done nothing with my life i m scared to death that a sizable chunk of my life is gone for nothing i work at fast food where there is no advancement whatsoever i just want to go back to school but i can t tired of my job like i said i work fast food i worked a a crew leader and the b i went through on a daily basis wa enough to have me walk out a year and a half of day a week of bull crap just piled up on top of me one and a half year of them playing music i can t stand and me being too nice to say anything because i didn t want to be the one to ruin it for everyone else so i endured with one ear bud in my ear until my bos told me no ear bud back to square one listening to others music for hour a day tired of life ever since 0 hell ever since i got out of the army my life ha been shit in the army i wa confident strong and proud my co took everything from me and gave me the boot ever since 009 my life ha been a struggle to get settled on two foot i ve abused drug been raped been abused been through natural disaster that have taken everything from me i have been kicked to my butt then kicked again while i wa down i hate being disabled i m ptsd ocd bipolar adhd i take so many medication that i don t know what to do with myself just to have a somewhat normal life i m so tired of getting my emotion dismissed and told that i m overreacting just because my disability isn t seen,1
this lady is responsible for my first experience being choked at broke an ankle getting tossed out of the back door in my underwear at 9 because i called my mom a demon i knew it at nine she s a fucking beast who fed me to her partner who is a beast and a fucking pedo now she s on this faux spiritual journey which includes putting loving herself first like after year of breaking mirror with your fist when i wa and shoving me down stair and ripping out my hair and beating me until my ankle broke trying to run free is all in the past and now i m so i have to move on with no closure and you expect me to just be goofy and smile and that s my new purpose she birthed me to be a freaking body bag and she discarded me too it s just so surreal to realize that you were born with the purpose to love and follow the one who had a kid because she needed a friend now she doesn t need me and now i feel like i also have no purpose maybe i never did in the first place i wa the girl that took the abuse silently and now my role is done but what do i do with myself now then why am i here if no one need me anymore,1
for the last five to seven year at least i ve always figured that once my parent were gone it would be my time i can t bring myself to do that to them however the resentment toward myself and my entire existence have manifested into something that is extremely hard to control i m not going to get into specific but that is just how i feel i guess my main curiosity is if there s anyone else who s still around solely because the thought of their death impacting their family would crush them that s the only thing going for me this day and age i hate every moment and every interaction even though i constantly try to convince myself it s good for me countless time i ve tried failed and never seemed to fit in i m just done i hate everything unfortunately even though i try to love i love my family although it s just too much i ve been hurt and ignored to the point i ve convinced myself no one give a fuck which is probably true nobody doe maybe someone is in the same boat i ve tried to be the most optimistic person i can but i ve been failed so many time i struggle to even grasp for a reason why,1
she wa the only thing making me feel guilt or sadness at the thought but now knowing she won t care i think i m ready,1
the one reason i ve decided to stay alive ha left me she said that the way i acted wa too much and she had cut me out of her life completely she wa the only reason i d keep trying but now she s all gone there s no point to anything anymore i m so tired of trying i miss her so much i m diagnosed with depression ptsd and bipolar type ii i m on anti depressant on a dosage considered to be high for adult it doe nothing for me i can t find the energy to do anything anymore my mom said she s going to leave because i m too much for her to deal with now i doubt she will see this but if she doe i love you so much i know people say it get better and i ll find someone else she s the only person who loved me unconditionally and showed me that the world isn t a bad a it seems now she s gone i ll be leaving at 00 thanks to whoever stayed with me on my journey,1
i am not sure if this is the right place for it but last friday one of my classmate told me jokingly to jump out of a window i ve had it up to here so i said i d blow my head off my other teacher know i don t mean it most of the time but we had a new teacher during that lesson and i guess he took it seriously will come back to that later on the weekend i tried to hurt myself and went to the hospital on monday they prescribed me some lexapro and i went home relieved that i finally got some help half an hour after i returned home cop stormed my apartment saying they received a hint from the school that i wa gon na hurt myself and they searched my whole apartment for a gun which i don t have so they obv didn t find one they then took me to the same hospital i wa at just half an hour ago and i spoke to the psychiatrist there again who told the police i am not a threat to myself or someone else so they let me go again during that they took my phone and it ran out of battery and i didn t have access to it for like hour or more during that time two of my classmate messaged me asking why i blocked them and they attacked me not knowing my phone ran out of battery and that s why i didn t answer they then blocked me and i explained to them on instagram what happened and they read it but didn t care apparently the police said they would send a car to the school to talk to the headmaster but idk what came out of it i am guessing my new teacher reported it i am so scared of getting kicked out of school god damn i have an exam today and now i am unsure if i am allowed to go to school again today i am currently on my way to find out and i am on the verge of a panic attack because even if i am allowed my classmate will hate me and attack me and it will be super awkward idk what i tried to do with this post but i just needed to tell someone i am so anxious and hate myself for not shutting up for once thanks for reading,1
in the past year i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply i lost my job to covid my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed my best friend completely ghosted me found out i have a chronic disease i can never have my own biological child i thought a these thing were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them that maybe they weren t such big deal and i really wa being too sensitive like my parent love to tell me i m an adult and i most definitely can t afford to move out i can barely afford to pay the 00 a month rent my parent charge me i live in the same room i ve lived in since i wa born i just pay for it now with money i wa saving for a car so i don t have a car i don t have my license cause my parent won t let me drive their car so i ve never practiced i don t have a single friend i had two but if you read the beginning yea i ve been homeschooled since the start of high school so i don t have anyone to fall back on except for family my grandmother wa the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two year taking care of her pretty much full time she wa 9 and mentally and physically declining it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed away and i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn t have helped even if i wa right beside her but i m eaten alive with guilt i m still grieving but i need money to live i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work i wa dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parent my dad begrudgingly take me even though i don t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can t have a job he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most minute of driving yet he won t aid me in getting a license and is draining my saving from my old job by charging me rent and now my current job is slashing my hour i went from 0 hour a week to what the fuck and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for 9 an hour i thought thing were looking up when i first got that job but now it s just shit i m not making any money or progress in life i m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of it i don t feel like an adult at all and frankly i don t want to be why would i want to live the next sixty year to pay tax work and be miserable there s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering i m traumatized from being raped i ve never told anyone irl and i think i m asexual because of it now thinking about anything intimate make me physically sick i never want to be in a relationship what s the point if i can t have kid anyways nobody would want me all i really want is a friend or two people to talk with and share hobby but i can t drive myself anywhere so i m kinda unable to even attempt to make connection with people and i ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationship my old best friend of year completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend i wanted to know what it wa like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it wa forcefully stolen from me i wanted to master an instrument and another language i wanted to keep seeing cool new game and anime come out i wanted to try food from around the world i wanted to see the northern light dance i wanted to see sakura season i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water i wanted to spread my wing and be able to just live normally but it just wasn t meant to be for me well i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i m giving up i see no point in living tomorrow will be my last day i made plan with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it ll be a good day at least i wa gon na shoot myself but i figured an overdose will be le painful for my parent to come across i m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time my heart hurt for anyone feeling the same way i do it s hard thank you for reading,1
life feel shitty i m not smart i don t find myself attractive i m so skinny have no friend toxic family not in a relationship i feel lame i m legit going insane have suicidal thought but luckily i feel a bit better cuz i had a convo with my therapist today i feel like nothing is changing my mind,1
i ve been depressed since i wa year old recently got diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder when i already got diagnosed with anorexia binge eating ibs issue anxiety and depression every day i say i want to kill myself and die i want to die today i looked up parent who s child committed suicide i wanted to see their perspective if i were able to do it i have a plan already but ik i won t be able to do it just having the option is fine why is it so hard to want to be alive and live i don t want to tell my therapist or my psychiatrist because i will get sent to the hospital i love gaming and i won t have to sense of relief if i say the truth i might do it after highschool or maybe after i finish university i can t do it my senior year because that s a waste of school year i m in my junior year have you guy ever looked up story of people who wa close to someone who committed suicide,1
i wanted to type so much but it doesn t matter all i want to know is how to end it quickly did anyone have anything they can tell me i don t want to be found i just want to do it and ppl think i got murdered or disappeared i just want to know what pill where to get a gun or what vein to cut please i want to do it asap before i do something stupid like change my mind,1
i m not here for support or anything i m simply here to find an easy painless way to do it i m sick of this place it s not getting better it won t get better only worse it s been this way for year man like literally year when i wa a kid the only thing that made i enjoyed wa video game and now i hate video game simply because i don t find any enjoyment in them smoking weed used to make me feel more numb or at least not like this but i m sick of it i m angry i m angry at my existence and i m angry everybody get so upset when i say i don t wan na endure anymore it s pathetic it s a if the pack animal want to include me in their pack just because i want to exit so somebody please tell me an easy way to leave this place,1
no one care literally no one care even the mental health service they discharged me because i wasn t engaging with them enough and my case is too difficult for them i wa on a waiting list and wasn t even receiving any therapy i tried to appeal their decision but they re not listening and at this point i already accepted the fact that i must unalive myself i don t have any friend family i don t have a job because nobody want me due to my mh problem what s the point of trying i ve been trying to change myself but it seems like my depression is winning and nothing will ever change i know i have to do this i m 9 and i know i m young but i don t have a choice i already decided i will od next week on my 0th birthday my problem started when i wa born and will finally end next week i m scared but i hope i ll never wake up,1
i say that i m feeling depressed and instead of saying anything about it they just start talking about their own day they used to ask me what s going on but not anymore i think it s time to start writing that note,1
i just can t stop think about i see myself doing it in my mind all the time it s so hard i just want to do it rn i have a break soon i think i am gon na do it but i feel so bad for my friend but i just can t do it anymore,1
i m done with life i can t cope year wa enough anyway will 00mg of amitriptyline 00mg of lyrica and 00mg of tramadol kill me if you re reading this i hope you re doing well,1
i dont want to hang myself i don t want my parent to find my body i d rather overdose of tsa antidepressant and other sleeping med i just want to take a whole bunch get in my car and then idk drive south until i get to the border or something go east to louisiana i don t know would my psychiatrist lose their job,1
is it normal of me or like i just see cutting myself a like not a problem i mean it s my body and like i m not hurting anyone it is also making me feel so much better when i m breaking down when i cut myself i feel so much better it really like feel like it s the only solution to when i m feeling like shit and i just don t see a problem with doing it now it s just normalized to me,1
dear who ever find this i m sorry so sorry i did try i know it wa never enough for anything but all i wanted wa to be okay i don t know how to be tho i m not enough and i will never be all i do is make trouble and upset people i m sorry i must of been a big burden on everyone i m deeply sorry for everything i ve done and now everything you have to do now i m gone i just don t know how to fix everything i m deep in this hole how am i meant to climb out when i ve never been taught too i m haunted by everything how am i meant to live my life when i m trapped in the past i just want to be normal and ok why doesn t anyone understand i suppose i haven t helped myself but it just suck suck i wa never worth enough to myself to help myself i honestly dont see myself going anywhere or doing anything worth while i m sorry i know this is so pathetic of me i just dont know what to do i want to live i want to see my sister grow up and my mum and dog i want to fall in love and draw and live on the beach with a balcony i just cant bear this anymore what am i meant to do i m so fucked i m scared and so unsure of everything i m so overwhelmed over everything i ve done this to myself i m so dumb no one can help me now i m sorry i tried in the end ok that count for something right i m just not a good person i realise that i never will be i love everything so much i wish they loved me aswell i tried everything to be happy but honestly they nothing left for me i could write more but what s the point i bet i won t even do it co i m a pussy i bet i ll just delete everything i don t want anyone seeing than clean and realise i m dumb and not kill myself i m a pathetic excuse for a daughter i m sorry all i do is sleep and dream all day this is no life for anymore i know compared to others i have a good life but that just make me feel even more pathetic for hating mine i love you lot goodnight,1
no actually why am i in constant fear and why do we all have to tip toe around everyone all the time,1
yet you just want me alive for your conscious i pray everyday that something put me out and kill me this pain hurt a lot,1
f it s currently am and i m cry like every other night i seriously don t wan na go tomorrow i say this every day i hate it there i hate it so fucking much got so many absents this year i m pretty sure i ve missed a whole month at this point i at least get to see my friend for 0 minute during break but that s pretty much all that s good about school right now so i m thankful for them i can t stand one more second of sitting in class trying to pay attention like a if nothing is wrong with me i also absolutely hate the subject i take they don t teach what i want art so i m stuck with boring as lesson i don t give a shit about we have or more test every fucking week and i m so sick of it how the fuck am i supposed to study when i can t even get out of bed and do basic task this school doesn t give a shit about mental health well in their advertisement they do so but that s all for show i feel really guilty for even feeling this way because there s literally nothing wrong with my life i have a good family good friend in a safe country and am in a financially stable household don t get me wrong i am completely grateful for all these thing yet i m so depressed and nihilistic thinking about my future university work etc make me sick i can t comprehend living past i would ve killed myself long ago if it wasn t for the damage it would ve done to my family i m taking international a level so the workload is pretty brutal high school is a very small part of my life so i just need to be patient and get it over with i just have one more year left but it sound way easier said than done seriously feel like like i m over complicating my situation which is 00 the case because i always do this i m still so young none of this is gon na matter in the future wish i could just take the depression a well a the anxiety that make me overthink out of my brain like a if it wa a physical thing then all these negative thought and the anxiety i feel every second of every day would be gone sorry for the long as rant literally nobody is going to read this,1
i m done with this world and there s no changing my mind on that but i do know that i don t want my death to mean nothing i m a healthy teenage athlete with a good body so if anyone here know how i could go out but keep my organ preserved for people in need of them i need answer there s people that want to live and me who is done with living so i want to help them live their life if i laid in a tub of ice would it help,1
within the last week i ve broken controller one of which i actually stomped on until piece littered the carpet through out my life i ve never broken anything out of anger but now i can t fucking control it i feel le of a man every day when ever i see someone better than me at anything i m constantly angry at work and at home now angry about home stuff when i m at work and angry at work stuff when i m at home i just want to eat a fucking bullet i m a fucking pathetic excuse of a man through and through there s not an ounce of me that is worth anything i am below dirt i should be buried alive i have never had value in any capacity to anyone,1
i did bad on an important test i thought i would do well in i thought wa my best subject i thought i studied well there s more important test on those subject soon if i think i m doing badly on those subject already then the test probably will go worse i feel bad for disappointing everyone i feel bad that i m complaining so much but i want to die so bad it doesn t feel like there s anything else for me if i do bad in school a family friend is doing an art related course they seem to be having fun i like doing art but i m nowhere a good a her or good enough to do a similar course a school friend is doing well in school we share many of the same subject we share the same high expectation but i can t reach them she complains about mark way higher than mine i m resentful but really i m just envious i don t even know what i want to do in the future why should i put in effort for a life i don t want do i want it i think i want it i don t think i have any actual appreciation for the academia just that i want to fulfill the thing i ve always been told to it s dumb and i should just accept my actual ability it s all my fault in the end that i should ve done this or that but i don t want to try anymore i m so tired of trying and failing and then giving up and then doing it all again for whatever reason the enjoyable moment in life don t feel worth it at all or maybe i m just too stuck up to appreciate them enough either way i want to give up i m sorry i m so childish so self centred i m sorry i m wasting everyone s time and money and effort i wonder how much longer i will continue to do so i m sorry that my problem aren t really big enough to be upset over it all feel too pointless,1
i ve been trying to survive for so many year that i hope the universe will someday grant me the opportunity to finally live my life of all people the broken are the more evolved hence i hope that we the suicidal one will also be given a better shot at life the right opportunity and a kind community because i know in the deepest depth of our heart we really truly want to live although not our current version of life but the better and kinder version of life,1
ever since i wa little i wondered what purpose i served in this world i wanted to die because i really did not understand my use today i grew up i thought i had found this answer or that i would find it one day but i do study that don t interest me my family and my friend are far away i just realized that my spouse wa using me from the start and the world is bad i m useless and i don t think i ll ever be used for anything the urge to die is coming to the surface faster than i thought,1
everyone ha a particular reason for existence everyone ha a motivation an incentive to move forward in their life life is undoubtedly an amazing gift bestowed by the creator and death is perhaps the biggest nightmare but to some it s the opposite sometimes everything seems meaningless someone like me who is afraid to take even the smallest step that involves pain actually doesn t deserve to live let alone succeed besides what are the odds that i will succeed the feasibility of succeeding seems to be lessening a every single moment is fading away they won t return back i am not writing these word emotionally i am completely within my sense thing lately have been very tough and i know how doe a precarious life can eventually lead to depression and suicidal thought,1
i feel like giving up again i thought i had overcome this but i guess not back to square one wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself anyone else feel the same,1
i don t feel like myself anymore and i don t think i can be fixed not a day go by where i wish i didn t wake up again i don t know what s wrong and i ve been trying so hard to be better i just can t do it anymore i m so sorry,1
i want to commit suicide a soon a possible but i cant fin a method thats good for me either the method seem too painful or i dont have enough tool for them i wa considering overdosing on paracetamol but it take too long i dont know what to do i would like some method or advice,1
i lost everything i have no friend anymore what even is the point anymore there nothing i wan na live for anymore i just wish my life felt worth living my chest hurt so bad i wish i wa enough for myself,1
i m wondering,1
i ve been waking up and going through the same day repeatedly for a long time i wanted to get better but i wanted this particular person to be by my side while i did it i ve made a plan and set a date i know in my heart it s the right choice i just hope he doesn t blame himself when it happens it wasn t him that make me want to follow through i m just done hurting everyone that come in to my i m done being ashamed of the person i ve become and i m done looking like i don t care i felt every emotion so keenly that it forced me to realize that those very same emotion made me react in a way that i wasn t proud of my reality is shifting and these shadow are the only thing that is my company nothing is ever going to change for me even if i go to therapy even if i get med sooner or later it always return i m done being a prisoner of my own mind idek why i m posting this maybe hoping the right person will see me and talk me out of it it s not that i lack love it s actually the opposite i have so many mental health issue that i m such a burden on my family now my addiction ha returned i m just so done with living like this it s a little ironic my selfishness is the cause of all this selfish to the end i m sorry s i hope you don t blame yourself and if by chance you see this i want you to know i think this is always how it would have ended,1
i feel guilty of everything i feel guilty for telling people my problem and burdening them when they re dealing with worse i feel guilty because when people dump their problem on me i can t handle it anymore it s so selfish of me i hate myself for it so much but when people dump their problem on me i just want to kill myself because i m exhausted i m exhausted of helping people i ve been doing it since i wa 0 and i feel so guilty for being exhausted i cut myself over and over for being so selfish,1
my mind is in such a negative space i m overstimulated but every noise and word someone in my family passed away my period amplifies every emotion i just can t do it anymore my negativity is like a cancer and i d rather not infect anyone with it i want to die daily but i can t although i fantasize about it a lot i cut myself instead in order to stay alive to numb myself from the insanity and madness inside of me i feel unheard i feel burdened by my own existence and i ve been made to feel so bothersome to others i don t know i don t have much hope i m not angry i m maybe sad mostly i m so depressed and misunderstood by everyone because at the end of the day no one care to listen to me they think they re listening but people only have a limited amount of time that they ll let you talk anyway nobody need to be my therapist i hope my life end soon because i am unable to deal with the turmoil inside of me i just can t do it anymore i m desperate i m sorry,1
i m pregnant with my four child third baby daddy he left me about two week ago after assuring me he would be there for me and this child regardless a he knew i didn t want to raise another child alone i can t go thru with a abortion my two other kid are about to be and year of age there are no day care place i would be able to take my baby after it s born i don t have a mother or any sister family to help i will literally have no choice but not to work and eventually evicted from the house i rent i have worked so hard to make a nice life for me and my two kid now after being kicked off my family s property i lived in for 9 year i am native american so it s trust land i wa always told i would be able to live on i have kept the house i rent now for year ab raised my two child i have now for their entire life myself i did everything i could to give them a better life then i ever had and tried to be a mom i never had and parent all around i never had i had a shit childhood like most of u do i wa a product of a sale my mother wa a whore and my donor wa a customer my two brother and i were never wanted or meant to be when my mom disappeared during a custody battle my grandmother made my dad take me in she wanted to take care of me because she thought it wa right my donor could care le rather i lived or died i wasn t wanted and he will tell you that his self my grandma passed away due to alzheimer s when i wa about so my donor had to play dad during this time he used me a his personal punching bag and he allowed my brother who had molested me since the age of four to do the same i ran away at the age of and made a series of bad decision everyone say i m so strong for what i have been thru and over come but i feel if i wasn t so weak and stupid i would not of even gone thru those thing i have been held down and raped by cousin a stranger at gun point the guy i ran away to at lied to abused to the point if i have hearing loss and loose front teeth due to the beating from men shot with a and hit twice by the bullet it s like i wasn t ever supposed to be and life kept trying to make up for it mistake by trying to unalive me multiple time but here the hell i am i love my kid so much and don t want to leave them however i will have no way to support them once this new baby come and i just don t know what to do the people i rent from say they will help me a much a they can but they are elderly and i don t know if they can do this for another year till my baby can go to day care i know i should of got birth control and i use to have it but my lupus make it so i get clot with most birth control and others are dangerous i know i should of used a condom but love is my drug and so i m stupid when it come to men i know this is all my fault and killing myself will leave my kid with a man who doesn t really love them like a father doe just like what happened to me i know this and it kill me but i just don t know what else to do any more i m such a fucking joke as failure and i didn t want my life to be like this i have just been trying to pick up the piece and make the best my while life now i m here and i don t know what to do but end my life i have worked most of my life since the age of so i know my kid father with get money from the state if i pas away so maybe they will help him be a better father and maybe his wife will feel sorry for them and love them too i am too coward to take a gun and do it myself because i m afraid i ll fuck it up i just want someone to do it for me or tell me how to commit suicide by cop or the least painful way to do this i have no one nothing no friend or family just mt kiddos the people i rent from and the day care lady i wa saving to buy a place with this last guy now i ll have to use that to pay for our life once the baby is here till it all run out then i ll have to sell thing till it s just here minimum so we can live in my truck my kid deserve better my son is such a sweet boy and my daughter is so strong and beautiful they deserve so much better then i ll be able to give them soon i use to pay k for birthday party now i ll be lucky to even get them a hostess cup cake when their birthday some around please don t tell me i have so much to live for i know my kid need me and i know this just passed the pain to them but i have no option i m week pregnant a of right now and i can t bare to have a abortion and yes i thought of adoption but everyone i looked up seems so fucking weird and too put together like they are severely epstein people please just tell me how to make this all stop that s all i ask,1
a month of stress and anxiety got the better of me last week i quit my job and came close to just packing it in entirely even now a week later anything even remotely stressful push me back into panic mode i m barely sleeping and a i lay awake my mind turn back to wondering why i m even alive,1
hi i m a 0 year old boy from italy and recently i ve discovered that i suffer from depression i have a bad job which doesn t pay me a lot my girlfriend broke up with me for no whatever reason and every single day i cry and wish for my death i m trying to stay lucid but i have prepared a bag full of pill around 0 of them in case thing still go wrong i m trying to go forward with everything but i m tired of being a good person and treated like shit yesterday i wrote to another girl you know just for company haven t got a message since then still waiting if thing go wrong i m gon na pull the trigger on my life and go finally away,1
so i made a similar post in confession but i guess it belongs here maybe maybe not i don t think anyone really care anyway well when i wa m i ve been tortured by two girl aged around they d wait up for me after school take me to a secluded area and sodomize me when they were finished they would repeatedly kick my private part and punch my stomach when i would cry they said they would not stop until i stopped my cry since then i ve never cried anymore in my life and i wish i could my feeling have faded away and i thought that wa part of becoming an adult i would lay for hour in pain and then come home telling my parent i wa at a friend s this ha been going on for about a year no matter if i took a different route home or tried to run they would do this almost daily i wouldn t tell my parent because they were threatening to kill my dog and family if i did my parent started to distrust me and thought i wa doing bad thing after school since i wouldn t share my friend s name after this i mainly focused on school and avoided most people i ve built up major trust issue and only had a few bad relationship where my trust issue would always ruin thing and while i hate to admit it i hate most woman or my inability to deal with them i had to man up since in my thought this wouldn t happen to a man by some girl my way of being a manly man wa to be strong and not have emotion i have thought a lot about this part of my childhood and always blamed myself for not thinking recently i feel hate towards the person that did this to me one of them died because of drug overdose which to this day make me smile i have made a plan for an accident to happen to this person i have planned out all the detail for this to happen and i wholeheartedly believe she deserves to die right now i am year of age recently been diagnosed with bipolar syndrome and some other anti social disorder i have been depressed for the most part of my life and instead of taking someone s life i ll just end my own thanks for letting me share this i have been embarrassed about it all my life and i ve never felt either manly or adult i could never bring myself to tell anyone,1
i plan to commit suicide soon i ve told my bird already i don t think they understand sadly i ve been fighting depression my whole life pretty much i ve tried many time to commit suicide but a i m afraid of pain i didn t go through it thing worsened massively once i lost someone dear to me because of my own action since then i m haunted be it in dream or in reality constantly by them and the result of what i did whilst under psychosis and incredibly suicidal state i began seeking help soon after they left after i realised what i did and it wa really tough at first but i made it for about a year i wish i never met that person it wa a curse i don t really have friend family yes supportive but it doesn t really feel like much i know they d be devastated by my death and so would my bird but every day is the same for me no matter what i try to differentiate and how better it get it s down to the same stuff haunted by those demon that try and make me fall and do what i shouldn t do i ve been told i m meant for great thing but this is all taking forever i m tired of all of this i m tired of living and constantly fighting i just wish to end it all even though it ll mean committing an unforgivable sin edit for the time being i have discarded the thought thank you all for the message and comment,1
i feel that i m a mess with no salvation or mercy i want to die to end with this suffering i feel that i made terrible thing just for existing i don t want to hurt anyone anymore guilty of my decision who deserve to die please i just want to die until it get worse please forgive me please forgive my existence i don t want to hurt anyone just for being me or taking wrong desicions my purpose is to be happy but i don t deserve that desire please i want to shot me in the head and end with this i just want peace of mind i can t halle with headache i just want to die quick i just want to die i just want to die i apologize for being me and my action in life i can t life anymore i just want to die so badly and be free in peace i don t want to suffer other people i just want to die,1
i ve struggled with suicidal tendency and thought since i wa i m now the thought and action have only worsened with age i can t stop thinking about how the world would be so much better off without me my friend my family my work my partner in every aspect i m contributing nothing and burdening everyone i want so badly to achieve more amp stop being such a burden on everyone but lately it s been seeming damn near impossible to achieve anything worth a damn because i also have an open case against me amp wont pas a background check,1
i ve heard this platitude my whole entire life nearly four year ago a teacher looked straight into my eye and told me the same thing i remember telling myself back then that i wa at rock bottom now i can only laugh at that sentiment rock bottom my as it s like i rolled off a cliff and the end is nowhere in sight,1
i do not want to wake up tomorrow,1
i spent a lot of today thinking about killing myself i made joke about it my friend laughed because i do it all the time but today i really did think about it i miss my ex i want to be happy again but i haven t been able to move past them and i m afraid that i never will if i can t be happy why should i even stay here,1
i m not valued in my work at school at home i have never been valued to my friend while one of my closest friend thanks one of my other friend while i feel worthless nobody remembers my birthday no one care about my feeling in real life and i m always the one organizing almost every meet up if i were dead people would mourn for a day and forget about me because i dont matter if i did matter people would hire me more hang out with me and make an effort to be my friend im done with this crap i might do it tonight or tomorrow because this is too much for me i guess i m just god laughing stock,1
i finally opened up to someone my mom and told her how bad my mental health had gotten and that i d purchased thing to go through with it her response i don t blame you and would understand if you do and walked out the fuck,1
i shouldn t have been born my mother told me she didn t even want to have me amp that my dad raped her amp that s how she got pregnant with me if abortion had been acceptable then there would have been a chance i wa aborted amp never would have had to live such an awful life i have nothing going for me amp i m so mentally ill i ve had such a hard childhood amp my adult life is becoming even more painful all i do all day is complain because there s nothing good in my life amp yes i ve tried making it better my father wa never in my life amp even my mom wasn t i never had a chance it s just too difficult trying amp i don t want to be alive anymore,1
i got drugged and had to be resuscitated a little over a week ago i ve been casually suicidal for a while now the sound of my friend cry while giving me cpr is burned into my head forever i dont know if i ever lost my pulse but i wa barely breathing until the emts got to me it s scary that this experience didnt change anything about me when i think about it i laugh not in a laugh to hide the pain kind of way but like i actually had to get chest compression to keep me alive from my best friend and that s just so ridiculous like of course that would happen to me of all people idk it s just weird to me that this traumatic a fuck experience didnt change a thing about my outlook on life,1
i just need to get everything in order i guess i have some morphine and a noose in my bag idk just wanted to tell someone i wish they got me help when i wa young and begged for it i don t think i feel guilty or selfish about it it s just how it is spent year knowing this is probably how i d end up idk edit someone to talk to would be great if you re interested dm me,1
nothing about this life is good school is shit i quit weed witch wa a dumbass idea everyone in my school suck most of the teacher suck i can t make or maintain friendship my family suck as nothing is good there is no light at the end of the tunnel i ve been waiting for the light my whole life and nothing ha happened all i ll ever be in life is at the bottom forced to live in misery the world is falling apart because precious generation are stupid a shit so even if i do have a future the world will be flooded and on fire there nothing to look forward to i live everyday on auto pilot so why even life anymore if people want me to live then i wouldn t get treated like shit by everyone around me and i wouldn t get treated like a number by my awful school it doesn t matter how many resource they give because they don t care if your not at the top then your just useless to them your just a number,1
i wake up and do the same shit everyday at a job that s a coin flip where i have a decent day or not i m just tired from my childhood and how the fucking demon i have just never leave im just so tired and done and burnt man i never hurt or did anything to anyone the fuck are these card i wa dealt all my friend are moving on in life now and i m so fucking stuck i wa at work today and my coworker said oh your mom raised you so well i bet when my mom called me worthless just the previous night to my face i just wan na go this shit is donkey booty fart,1
another hungry depressed day who knew living in a shelter wa so fucking expensive lol i now have 0 left to get by i just bought two gallon of water since the tap water is probably dangerous to drink though i m trying an experiment of boiling it first to get out whatever make it weird the last time i posted here i got a bunch of troll pretending to care and then cursing me out lol like imagine being suicidal don t need to i guess lol and then imagine being even more miserable than a suicidal person that you have to extract some kind of emotional feedback from them just to feel better about yourself lmao surprisingly i still pity them more i d rather want to be dead than be an asshole who cant find happiness unless they re causing others pain especially trolling reddits where people are actually seeking help lol the lack of dignity in it like damn my 0 0 ramen and i are poor af but there s still more dignity than those troll i never thought i d say that but here we are why is it that a soon a night time hit all the thought come rushing in this feel like when i wa a kid growing up abused i had given up hope i just got by every day but i wa a shell of the person i wa or could ve been i just floated through the day hoping it wouldn t suck worse i watched a ot of cartoon to escape feel something else other than depression and pain if you allow all the feeling in let yourself feel them what happens in my mind it all go numb but maybe now it just flow or maybe this is me giving up letting it all happen anyways who care i could die here and no one would know lol i wonder if the universe ha forgotten me forsaken me said you re on your own now kid good luck and i m just standing here smiling tear in my eye holding a fucking plant and small suitcase thinking cool that s cool hope i don t kill myself hope this doesn t kill me hope i remember the person i wa trying to become or wa at least she had hope and self love now i look in the mirror and think hope you don t fuck it up kid because i don t know i don t know what else to do i mean why do i expect myself to fuck it up because a little crappy voice in my head say you fuck everything up lol fuck that that s not even my voice it s theirs fucking little narc and sociopath who ever saw their kid turning into a narc and thought let s keep him and not get intervention lol i would yeet that kid out of my life and throw it into a psych ward a if life isn t hard enough there s the scum of the earth running around getting off on other s pain pathetic i m glad they all die alone and miserable i m glad they move through life miserably i m glad they have to work so fucking hard to be happy or experience something resembling happiness before their own action ruin it all i m glad there s still good people in the world y all ever look through human being bros it s chill restores some faith in humanity like at least it s not all shit lolll i don t think anyone see me not anymore i m just a number a victim to exploit a survivor to play with a body to mess with lol they re so fucking depressing these abuser at least i lived,1
i m m turning in december and i can t help but feel like my time is quickly running out i ve never been so emotionally distant from my family a i ve had this year and it feel like i m a disappointment to everyone who ha actually cared about me at some point i actually had a sort of future ahead of me but it blew up in my fucking face when i had decided to write a joke essay to the high school i wanted to go to after my mom wouldn t even allow me to go if i wa even accepted the worst part is she doesn t even admit to doing that i don t know what to do anymore i ve always had the feeling of wanting to blow my fucking brain out but i ve never felt it a strong a this why is it that when it come to mental issue for men we are throughly ignored why are you upset why are you depressed you don t have a reason to be depressed you should talk to someone but who is actually listening i m sorry for anyone who actually read this but i ve been in such a terrible mindset the past odd hour i really just need guidance it feel awful to think that inevitably all my family will be gone and i ll be the only one to fend for myself in just a handful of year and somehow in any social circumstance i always end up being the butt end of the joke i don t want to keep doing this for 0 0 something year someone please talk me out of this state if it s even possible to those who read this entire thing i hope you re in a better state than i am,1
sorry for any typo im typing on my small phone my mental health ha been doing a downwards spiral into hell i am seriously considering suicide plea someone talk to me,1
living is hard every day i try to get up and do better for myself so i can prove to the people that call me an ultimate failure or warn other people that i m no good that i am good and i can be successful but what good is that if in my quiet moment which is a lot my brain eats my heart up sometimes i give into the thought other people have of me what if this what if that what if i wasn t here will this constant pain stop will this ache in my brain and heart disappear or will i be punished by the god i ve prayed to for peace of mind i m sorry for trauma dumping,1
i think i have medical problem that will never go away and that if it wasn t for them i could be so much more than i am from personal reflection i m actually really happy with the progress i ve made with myself and in my life since a couple year ago but thing like my anxiety are horrible and if my life will always have it i d rather be dead than continue living not to mention i ve already done most of all my life ha to offer so what s left really amp x 00b i m sorry if this post sound pretentious but i can t find any other post that i can relate to so i ve put it here,1
i ve come to the conclusion that i m always going to have to face racism and sexism constantly and that s an awful realisation it honestly make me want to die because why should i live in a world that s full of people who want to hurt me when i don t deserve it i have to work in order to live and unless i suddenly become wealthy and never have to take shit from racist manager then i m done my family life is awful i wa sa d by my sister boyfriend two summer ago and my family s response wa abysmal i went straight to my mum after it happened and called the sister that i love and trust dearly she told me that my mum said what doe she expect if she s staying in their house for free those word have never left me i hear them every time i look at my mum and i m still living with her i m too broke to find a place to live alone and no longer want to work because my racist manager bully me any chance she get everything is really overwhelming me i have 0 friend i used to be such a happy and bubbly person but now no one want to be around me i guess it show how conditional some of those friendship were right i reached out to a friend and told her that i wasn t doing well and neither is she unfortunately she cancelled on me twice and hasn t spoken to me since i feel like she doesn t like me anymore i truly wonder if anyone ever liked me i m naturally very extroverted but my anxiety and depression make me sheepish and untrusting of people i end up shutting down every friendship and i hate that about myself it s so fucking hard to stay afloat i no longer want to have kid with my bf because i don t want my kid to go through racism or me a a mother i realise that my depression and anxiety could be passed down to them but i could also ruin them with how unpredictable my emotion are i don t want them to go through what i went through emotionally honestly i do want to die i understand that there s part of my life i am grateful for but they could leave me at anytime i just want a reset button i don t like how my mind keep ruining everything for me i can t have nice thing,1
i know my problem arent a bad and probably much le important and im probably dramatic for feeling this way but please,1
it s like at certain time i die while awake mind go completely blank and nobody can wake me from my trance but eventually i come back once i m back i m flooded with emotion after emotion and it s exhausting then im just angry and sad followed by numb once again and cant focus i quit job often even though i need money because i can not function in this society sometimes i wish i could get on disability but everyone tell me im just making excuse and that it cant be a bad a i make it seem i m always wrong never is anything anyone el fault but fucking mine i swear someone could kill me and people will be like oh well you shouldn t have made him mad i ve never attempted suicide because i don t have the ball to actually murder myself i wish someone would do it for me though my whole life i ve never been good enough for anyone and now i m an unemployed year old man watching everyone thrive and be successful while i slowly rot away i used to be so intelligent and motivated not to mention happy a fuck now i physically can not bring myself to do anything that requires even the slightest amount of mental effort without being downright forced to i know this is a lot and probably none of it make sense i m just so fucking stupid and i figured this is a half decent place to ramble because no one give a shit anyway the only thing that give me hope that my life can one day be something great is music i am a very talented rapper with no recognition but not like these regular as people i innovate and i approach the rap game with the respect she deserves i carve my word onto the page with precision and passion because a of the past decade no exaggeration hip hop ha been the savior of my existence,1
people say they want my life i don t understand why from the outside i guess having no job and endless time to do thing is great to some people im housebound severe agoraphobia panic attack every time i leave the house severe paranoia about the outside world that i can t overcome i have a great partner and a great housemate who care for me deeply yet im suicidal i just don t know how to live anymore it s like i feel like one of those extra puzzle piece you sometimes get that doesn t fit anywhere and is effectively useless my role is nowhere i can t work or leave the house i have barely any hobby none that interest me for too long anyway all i do is clean organise thing play game watch stuff and browse my phone all day every day my partner love me and i love them spending time with them is the only happiness i get but then i feel guilty because i know eventually ill break their heart because im not going to live much longer i overdosed on morphine in november couple more spoonful and i wouldn t be here anymore i didn t even write a note thing were that bad that i just did it without thinking no more morphine in my possession sadly i fucked up one of the best friendship ive ever had i really screwed it up i miss her every day i check on her instagram story periodically to see if she is doing okay and she is proof life go on without me me and my partner joke that i can t kill myself because i promised that id live to see elder scroll come out just to spite todd howard i don t think i can hold on to living for that long sometimes i think about that saying it get better when ive suffered with depression for nearly 0 year been sexually abused by my ex partner diagnosed with ptsd diagnosed with bpd developed agoraphobia cast out of every job ive had had people threaten to destroy my life over petty drama the list go on and on everyone say all of this stuff is temporary but it add up and it culminates into this you can t see me but im a shrivelled husk of a person my therapist who i started to get on with discharged me a week after my overdose because im too high risk that wa pretty funny what exactly is left for me to see in the world there s beautiful sight great place sure but im not rich haven t travelled out of country for nearly year my agoraphobia is getting worse there s nothing for me out there i had a plan to correct my mistake with overdosing and make sure it succeeds on new year eve because i couldn t stand the thought of being here for another year my partner dragged me through it and i ruined his night suicide is appealing because i don t want to suffer anymore what doe stop me is my partner and the friend i chose to keep i know they d be upset but plan and idea for suicide still flood my brain and i know one day ill be free of all of this pain it doesn t get better it get so much worse day after day ramble ramble,1
m three year ago i broke both bone in my right arm and needed surgery they screwed in a metal plate between both bone to keep everything together well yesterday i fell during gym class braced myself for the fall and ended up fracturing my ulnar went in to the doctor and got an x ray that showed the fracture wa right on one of the screw now i have to see the surgeon from year ago to see what he say what do i do im so done with this mess i can t take it much longer i really want to km,1
i hate so much of my life i love being at school with my friend but i have to come home every fucking day i have to wake up to these fucking asshole everyday my older brother is fucking insane on good day he is simply the most annoying little shit that won t shut the fuck up and stop talking to me on bad day he just argues and scream and throw thing and take out his anger out on whoever is closest mostly me bc we share a room my perants are nice but my dad transphobic and i want to tell him that i want to transition but i m afraid he wont see me the same or love me my younger sister is the only thing keeping me here i love her she s so understanding and sweet i don t want to hurt her by dying but i can t stand living anymore,1
i m done i m tired of fighting i want to rest now,1
i know i m just a burden to everyone around me i hate myself people have told me i m mean after i m really fucking trying to be a good person every partner i ve had i ve hurt at least once the worst part is that i am not doing this consciously i m just naturally an asshole i thought i needed therapy i have it i thought i needed a new job i have it maybe pill done then i wa convinced it wa smoking too much weed so i ve quit for a month now started exercising eating better i have my own house and cat and literally nothing help it only make it worse because i have le and le of an excuse to be a burden to those around me if i kill myself i can leave everyone all my possession and spare them the pain and burden i d cause them in the future i have a plan so no one will have to see my body but the cop and literally everyone would be better off why the fuck should i not do it,1
i have two younger brother and they mean everything to me they ve come to an age where they can take care of themselves my excuse for not hurting myself wa them but now they started to grow distant and honestly every single piece of my life ha fallen apart even my mind feel torn a i realized i m becoming crazy i m having lot of harmful thought towards others i really don t want to harm anyone and i rather end my life before i do any harm but i don t want my suicide to make my brother fall into depression a i did i have 0 motif to be alive i do not like this world i do not like most of it s people everyone betrayed me and there s no one that give a shit about me anymore besides my brother i feel like i really have to do it i know i have to i just lack the ball this might be the cruelest thing to say in this reddit but i admire the courage of those that did suicide it s not easy and it s not the coward way the coward way is probably to keep living a i am this ha to stop,1
my last day i will pick a sunny day wake up and put on some of my best summer attire go get food from a good restaurant i would like a good last meal to be honest then i will go and xplore some place i have become fond of and reminisce of the few n far between happy day of my childhood and other time i might add to this later if i can find stuff i think is worth doing then for the night i have a nice bottle of whisky and some benzos i plan on consuming whilst listen to my favourite music i will try to enjoy a much time a possible between then and now i have a rope that is ready noosed and just need hooked up to a nice tree i have already sadly picked out one that is high enough but easy to climb then whilst i listen to music feeling chill and tranquil a the pill start to take effect i will sit in said tree with noose around my neck phone emergency service tell them where my body will be located then i will fall and asphyxiate myself in to the abyss i look forward to that day sorry for rambling i am terrible and language in general wish you all peace because i will find mine eventually,1
i have a couple friend but the girl i love doesn t love me back any more i think she might be seeing someone else i want to kill myself,1
i just don t know how to,1
how do i make it in life when i know everything i literally know everything when it come to human nature you see i m a very observant person and i dislike human but i m a human and have human nature in me so wtf do i do guy who are taller with bigger dick get the girl while you re just here with nothing you see i want to not give a fuck about chick but what do i do you see i m with inch i m so insecure that i injured my dick jelqing wa and now but plz don t try you probably get hurt i m still little hurt but it doesn t bother me luckily i m healed not fully but it s doesn t bother me much just a slight feeling that you learn to ignore you see what i mean i m fucked up i see everything i ve been in many people shoe the best basketball player the tallest in school and when i wa younger short and chubby with nobody liking me but i feel a though i m still not enough because they re guy with more than me and since girl only like me because i m with inch she s gon na like the guy 9 with 9inches more than me then the guy foot with 0 inch all i m saying is life fucking suck as it all off of appearance you see i m good looking you might say well don t you have a girl friend that s the problem i can t even find a girl i could have in the past and i should have but i wa too fucking stupid to take advantage of life when you re too busy thinking of all the bullshit in the world and how everybody is fake i feel a though people only like me for certain thing and since they re people in the world who have more than me i will never be able to win this race it s like everything is off of appearance you can t choose what you re born like you can t choose your family you can t choose anything physical appearance in life it s like a video game we all player and are selected random character you try to detach yourself a a human being but you d ant escape human instinct i ve tried and keep trying why can t i ever come to a point where vagina doesn t matter money or competing i used to be real and tell myself that all the time when i wa younger but a you grow older and see the truth of this reality it s a very sad one it s like when you get told santa wasn t real except it s with life everything you thought a a youngin turnt out to not be what it seemed it s like i m a alien observing everyone s else action and re action wa a good kid but all the sudden i grow older and a demon is in me porn is partially start of my demon then social medium is also traumatic everybody is dirt is this game we call life shittiest virtual reality ever i m just tired of competing but when i dont complete they laugh like i m a bum and lazy how can i try when i dont wan na play this ficking game,1
snapchat layla kuz,1
my gf ha several psychiatric condition including bpd ptsd and others and ultimately she say that she hate me and everyone around her for neglecting her and not helping this isn t entirely false a i have a few thing i m working on for myself but she undoubtedly ha it much worse she s been staying with me but primarily life with her parent a she can t be without her childhood home i m worried that me being around her is just making u co dependent or that my lack of real experience in psychology is making thing worse how do i know when i really am just making the situation worse by staying i am trying to improve and be a better support system for her but i m not improving fast enough problem is i m worried that if i leave her then she ll certainly have no real support even from her parent i realize it might be subjective but what are some thing to look out for,1
i dont even know were to start i hope this reach the right people ive been suicidal all my life with shit ton trauma built on to it and a recent sa ive just been good at hiding it i feel a i dont have anyone to talk to about how i feel or have someone truly love and care for me rhe way i need it i need someone to hold me at night and tell me everything is gon na be okay i need reassurance constantly i need to be able to talk to someone and feel like they are listening giving advice or what they can do ive felt that if i die tomorrow it is what it is i didn t even think i d make it to 9 yr im gon na be 0 in month and god if i make it i d be shocked,1
i have come to the conclusion that i am just not suited for life no matter how hard i try i don t seem to be able to accomplish anything meaningful or be able to derive joy out of anything i wa given nice parent and a privileged upbringing but the extreme depression that rule my life is overwhelming and i really can not take it anymore i have an easy life and i still can t manage to get it right i started to feel worthless ever since i wa a teenager i had a hard fitting in with group of people i felt extremely shy and i saw that my best friend at the time could effortlessly blend in and have many friend it completely baffled me and it wa the first time that i started telling myself over and over i am not pretty i have no talent i am not smart i am worthless year old me cried myself to sleep convinced that people just simply didn t like me i could never quite figure out what wa defective in me everywhere i went i felt extremely awkward and felt in high school i started to feel immense academic pressure i saw that my classmate were very high achieving i didn t even want to think about my future and i spent much of my time last minute studying and playing video game instead of planning anything for my future i ended up not getting into college that i wanted to while my friend and classmate were accepted i accepted that i wa a failure compared to everyone in my high school a socially awkward talentless ugly failure i went to university i am now doing a master with an internship i graduated with summa cum laude for my undergraduate i wa still constantly cry and contemplating the worth of my pathetic life still i wa able to appear smart in front of my classmate i took up a research internship a well where i wa again told that i wa smart and had a lot of potential and other b but aside from school i didn t have much of a life any friend i made in uni have long been lost because people don t like being around a depressed person i wa made out to be toxic so that alone should tell you enough how awful it is to be around me i went to therapy it didn t do much i took medication it doesn t do much i have now entered my master program and i am being told by my supervisor that she ha serious doubt a to whether i will pas everyone else is enjoying their time in their study while i have to struggle so hard just to be told that i m not even good enough to get a passing grade i also struggle extremely badly with body dysmorphic disorder i have a pear shaped body no matter how much i exercise my leg just stay very bulky and thick i lost a lot of weight in my last year of my undergraduate study it wa partly because i hated my body but above all it wa because i hated my life so much that i wanted to make it visible by appearing sickly thin i continued to lose weight until i wa underweight only then do my leg appear normal i continued to follow disgusting anorexic eating pattern during my study it wa so damn hard to study while having to be pre occupied with food and having to only eat calorie in order to not gain weight somehow i passed all my damn exam after this year i admitted to my parent that i had an eating disorder although at this point it wa kind of evident i went home to take a gap year for the sake of my mental health during my gap year i sought professional treatment and of course i gained a ton of weight i wa so sick of living with severe depression and anorexia it wa near traumatic to see my body change so much in a short amount of time i felt extremely defective for gaining so much weight i can t believe my parent thought it would be a good idea for me to recover at home instead of at a ed treatment center because my emotional volatility were simply insane but i became physically healthy and i wa eating lot of good food i even got a part time job during my gap year to convince myself that i wa at least semi functional unfortunately a is the case with my pear shaped body living at a normal weight entail lot and lot of misery i can never wear skinny jean because my leg are ugly i can t stand the cellulite and belly fat that accompanies my healthy body i wa handed bad genetics in term of body build my body alone take away my will to live after my gap year i continued onto my master i started to lose some weight just because i slept through some snack and meal from fatigue and then i knew that i could never gain that weight back i started to take up lot of exercising to create more room for extra food the vast majority of my classmate are thin people being bigger than everyone is extremely triggering for me everyday i wake up and think about what i m going to eat then i think about how big my leg are then i think about how much thinner and smarter and classmate are then i see all the thin people around me then i think about what i m going to eat next then i think about how i m going to fit a jog or a boxing class into my busy schedule then maybe i will think about school and such then i go to sleep and repeat it all again i even lost my damn period again it s maddening because i am not even a thin person and yet my body think that being slightly thinner mean that i m necessarily dying i have such a dumb body now here i am doing an internship for school and i am failing very badly it s not in my native language and i haven t known the language for very long so it cost me twice the cognitive energy to follow everything apparently taking exam go smoothly but the minute i have to be in a practical setting i turn into a complete idiot i don t have the extra energy to put in the effort because most of my dumb thought are just my leg are fat her leg are thin she is lucky i have to worry about weight lunch is when jogging when extra squat when what s for dinner etc now i m constantly being told that i m not performing well and they can t tell if it s because of a language barrier or if i genuinely don t understand what is going on everyone else is doing just fine and they say that you have to be pretty stupid to fail at this internship well guess who s going to be that idiot who can t pas looking back at my life i just see failure and mediocracy and just a lot of sadness a i said earlier my body alone take away my will to live but in order to be able to function in school and work you need to stay relatively healthy but seeing a my life is just filled with social isolation inferiority complex and still lot of depression there is just simply no way that my life is worth it living in this healthy body make me extremely sad and the life that i would otherwise have without an ed is just not worth it it doesn t justify the effort i put into recovery and the effort i put in with learning to accept my body seeing a my life is just consisting of studying feeling stupid feeling incompetent cry exercising restrictive eating hunger fatigue and more cry i just wonder how the hell everyone else is just out here living a normal life without any mental illness people like my classmate are really out here acing their exam acing their internship having a life having lot of friend having a relationship having fun and leading overall fulfilling life i don t understand it all i know is that my life wa just one big mistake i just really need a good plan on how to end myself i find it disappointing how finding a simple method with a high success rate just isn t very easy i have four more week in my internship i just plan to go through it get an insufficient grade and then end it all but ugh mom and dad would be so sad it s already bad enough that i tell them that i hate living and wish that i could disappear they try so hard to convince me that i m smart and can accomplish anything i want like i m in a disney movie they constantly try to convince me that i will find happiness in my life and that i m just in a low state of my life and that they will always be there and try to find further help for me but i m i ve been feeling this way for over a decade damn near half my dumb existence i feel like my soul died the minute i hit puberty i didn t experience anything traumatic i wa just dealt a bad hand in genetics i m freaking exhausted nothing would be better than closing my eye and never waking up again,1
people say that god only test u not more than we can handle but it is a bunch of lie perhaps he doesn t exist at least in my heart no matter what i do i always fails at everything even trying to die seems hard enough i can t just live happily like it is wrong and worse i tried to kill myself so many time that no matter what i always unknowingly and unintentionally cheated death at this point i ve just had enough,1
in like hour lol i m a failure i m bad at everything and all i do is waste my parent money i cause them amount of stress they will be sad when i die but it will be for the better i can t keep watching them suffer because of me my brother is going to be super sad which make me sad but hopefully he can understand when he grows up i plan to jump from my terrace hopefully it s high enough there is grass below tho i hope that doesn t stop me from dying cause it will be real embarrassing if i don t die failed at everything including suicide have a great day to whoever read this edit guy thank you for your reply i decided to actually talk to my parent and sort everything out i will not be killing myself for the time being i really appreciate everyone here thank you may god bless all of you,1
over the last year my life ha completely fallen apart i grew up happy a ever with a very well off family a brother i got along with friend i hung out with all the time then my baby sister died out of nowhere shortly after my parent said they were getting a divorce after having a loving caring family my entire life in the span of just a month everything flipped upside down i don t have a family outside of my mother and baby brother anymore and my mother ha robbed the house of peace by becoming fixated on an emotionally abusive boyfriend my entire life wa destroyed and it s only gotten worse year into the divorce my best friend died all of my other friend and friend group i wa in slowly just forgot about me due to depression and anxiety from everything i had going on making me become incredibly introverted and just not fun to be around anymore he wa the only person i had that i could talk to besides my girlfriend who i put through hell because of how much i hated myself and my situation and now he wa gone shortly after his death her and i broke up and i deserved it i wasn t abusive but i wasn t a good boyfriend i never wanted to go anywhere or do anything i stopped wanting sex and intimacy because i didn t think i deserved those thing the divorce ha only gotten worse over the year and after year of stress and anxiety being a constant my health ha now started to decline i ve lost my toned body i ve lost my nice smile i ve lost my sense of fashion i ve given up entirely on trying to form new relationship or make new friend because i know that i just don t have what it take to foster deep relationship anymore i ve seen a therapist about this and she said she belief it s because of my family and my best friend and that now my brain correlate love with loss which prevents me from getting attached to people or make me act in way to push others away before they can get attached to me with my health issue getting worse due to the constant stress i m now out of work on medical leave i sit in my room every day just watching youtube not talking to a single soul and no one talking to me i truly believe that my life ha reached a point where it just isn t worth living anymore besides my mother and baby brother i don t believe there is a single person that would even notice especially if i made it look like an accident with all the free time i now have i ve been reading a lot about spirituality and i ve stumbled across the plausibility of reincarnation the idea of death being the entry to a new life with life being a series of goal to fulfill a purpose from each life to the next it s been very difficult for me to try and think of any purpose my life ha at this point i m debilitatingly lonely i ve stopped caring about anything i ve become very cynical and i m letting thing that should be important to a person just waste away like just ceasing to pay my car bill because i no longer care if it get repossessed the idea of even the possibility of being able to start again since truly no one ha any idea what happens when you die is more appealing to me than continuing to live i m now and my life is going absolutely nowhere and i don t know what else to do i have no support system i have no one but myself and i hate myself more than anyone else the worst kind of lonely is when you aren t even there for yourself and that s where i m at now i ve always thought of myself a a great person i consistently go out of my way to help others even now if someone reach out to me for something i don t hesitate but i just can t get anyone to stick around not even my own father give a shit about me anymore i used to think the world wa just fucked up and bad thing happen to good people but it s becoming more and more evident a i witness the relationship other people have the family other people have the friend other people have that that theory just doesn t add up the more likely possibility is that i myself am the issue i m the problem and i ve come to that realization now the idea that death might not be the end but a new beginning is very appealing to me like to think ha anyone else thought about these concept ha anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and thought about what come after death and whether it s worth it just curious and looking for some input thank you,1
when i tried to km the second time what stopped me wa a terror unlike anything i have felt before i ve been planning an overdose for a while now and just planning it out ha brought that feeling right back to me i feel butterfly in my stomach and my heart racing and i know if i were to grab my med crush them up and went to take them i wouldn t be able to fight this terror i ve been told before that that just mean that somewhere deep inside you you want to live but i disagree this feel like basic primal instinct it s so hard to just say do x and then all of your perception will end that s not something you can just do yet people have i want to do this but i don t know how to prepare for this terror i remember when i backed out of my second attempt i kept on saying to myself nothing can prepare you for that i can plan and prepare all i want but taking an action that self destructive is incredibly difficult especially when you have a realistic fear of not dying and being left severely injured i m terrified and i don t know what to do anymore it seems like the best option but it s so cruel that it just ha to be so difficult dying shouldn t be too much to ask for yet absolutely everything fight against you i hate this so incredibly much this is hell,1
my parent are incredibly strict i literally can not do shit all the kid have a meal plan that they must follow or else cant have anything other than the bare minimum in our room no going out with friend or really even having friend in the first place no getting a job or having money for any reason constant room search last week my room wa searched while i wa at school and my dad found my journal where i wrote that i wa gay he outed me to my entire family my dad started blowing up about how i never tell him anything and how selfish i am for keeping it to myself all i ever am is selfish being suicidal selfish you re ruining my dinner i wish i could get a gun in this country so i could blow my brain out in front of them im so fucking done with everything,1
they are not bad people though it my fault they ignore me school drive me crazy and i think ill never be really comfortable with the way life is i dont want to die but i really dont want to live,1
why do i have to put up with this b i didn t ask for i ve been planning to kill myself for a long time and i think i ve reached my breaking point no one actually genuinely like me everyone pick on me but i m the sensitive one when i confront them it s always me i ve watched my older si have a nearly perfect life and helped her through all her struggle what did i do to deserve this wa i freaking hitler in a past life i can t cry anymore so i have no emotional outlet for my feeling everyone i ever talk to run away or blame me for my problem and i recently lost a very important friendship because i opened up to her i am just really tired of life and no one would miss me anyways i thought i wa strong but i guess i m not if you read this i appreciate it,1
my biggest wish is for my family to allow me to end it all i want them to understand the pain and suffering i m going through the constant daily battle that make it so hard to live i want them to be prepared i just want to disappear from life and hurt the least amount of people,1
i ve turned this into my blog took it over people depend on me to be alive to function to live yet i hate this planet and pedophile politics religion racism and rapist and they are all allowed to live amongst u why because this god people belive in is cruel in the story book he gave up his son for u yet who ha god to either way i would like to ask him before i go to hell or reborn in this earth to relive this life in a different form my favorite part of the day is when i lay my head down and hope not to wake up the worst part of my day is waking up,1
what will happen if i take more than pill of acetaminophen at once,1
we all know im too much of a pussy to kill myself but fucking hell i want to i want to jump off the bridge near my home being killed by someone would be even better sometimes i imagine myself sending people my goodbye message and killing myself out in the wood there s a tree i stare at every single time i pas it with a perfect horizontal branch this fucking close to buying a noose and just doing it and the worst part is if anyone who knew me irl read this they d think i m joking and that it s stupid but there is nothing i want more than death right now,1
i am so unsatisfied with life no aspect of life is of any enjoyment to me the thought of getting a job working 9 every day of the week sleeping on the weekend because i m too tired slowly building up money to maybe have a vacation once a year for only a week and then going back into the grind continuing this a my body break down with age and eventually dying with nothing in my hand just sound like actual hell i have a girlfriend who want to marry me and have kid but i genuinely don t believe that i could give my kid or her a good life i doubt i could support a family financially because i have no money and can t afford a good education past high school i doubt i would be able to be a good father due to having to come home from a grind at work everyday too tired to play with them or properly parent and too tired on the weekend to do either why can t life be different i have no plan of suicide but holy fuck this world make me want to,1
i never thought i would feel this way at this point i m in between two different stage of life and the stress of it is making me want to kill myself i m a senior in high school and life is so hard right now and i don t know if i m being dramatic ive been suicidal before but i don t think i am now just because i know i have a big turning point in front of me in the fall when i go to college which give me hope but i fear i m putting too much weight on this if i don t like college i am scared i will kill myself because it s all that s keeping me going i used to want to kill myself when i wa i know what it feel like but that s not what this is i just can t keep going it get s harder every day i still have two month until graduation and i am scared out of my mind it is so stressful to have so many duty every day school work college decision scholarship i have to pay 00 in car expense which is like two week paycheck thrown away it feel like i do so much just for the little ounce of freedom i get on one day of the weekend or for maybe an hour after school i can t keep going like this but i have to i feel like i m wasting such an important time in my life but i can t change it i want to end it just to avoid the pain of trekking through it because sometimes i can t even see myself waking up tomorrow and doing it all again i am so scared of disappointed everyone every time i let my mom down i just want to die so bad i feel so useless i can t control myself when i m given decision i can t make them i hate the thought that i have complete control over myself because it give the blame of who ive become extremely burnt out flaky to friend and work used to be extroverted but now im so quiet to me and me only,1
i will be 0 then and most probably still lonely af what even is the point i make a shit ton of money at work have hobby but still can t find someone else to share the life with it s pointless what am i even struggling for much better to just fuckin off myself,1
life in sc i have been struggling financially for year and faced homelessness on and off i can t do this anymore i m not mentally or emotionally stable at all i fucked up by quitting my last job week ago because i wa committed to ending my life since i had to pay a 00 bill for accidentally causing damage in my apartment luckily my partner who life faraway helped me out and covered it for me for the longest my life been going downhill i have no family to turn to because i m distant from most of them including my own mother because they re toxic or they would never pick up the phone at all my older sister is the only one i talk with but not really at all i have no friend at all the only people i really have is my partner and my older sister sometimes and they ve been helping me through my situation i feel like a complete burden to them i temporarily lived at my cousin s house and experienced verbal physical abuse and destruction of my belonging from his wife then wa kicked out after a couple of month she kicked me out the house every other week because i wa short on my portion of the rent or out of pure pettiness i been homeless either out on the street park area or living in my car from time to time then i wa ultimately kicked out after she randomly decided she doesn t want to see me again even though i paid for my portion of the rent i did managed to get an apartment on short notice with the help of my partner but i had trouble paying for my bill i had different job and the pay wasn t good at all on top of that they were cutting my hour a lot i barely make it to paying my rent multiple time and i wa hit with a late fee every time i ve been attempting to kill myself many time because i m so tired and stressed out with this uphill battle nothing ever work out in my favor i can t do anything right at all i ve been going day without eating having water or electricity because i m way behind on bill and being broke barely have gas to get to the job i had i tried applying for different assistant program but i only get denied or never hear back from them same thing with applying for job online and in person either they re not hiring never called or i have to wait awhile i sold nude and foot pic before but i couldn t get client who s willing to pay i know some of my problem are because of my own irresponsibility i can never catch a break at all i just can t act get right no matter how hard i try i m always stuck,1
i m so tired of existing i have to believe the lie people tell me if i want to be happier in this world that it s not all falling apart that trying hard will get me anything will reward me that people love me it s so much nonsense the only people in my life can t fucking stand me everyone else is at best mildly interested in me from afar and once they get to know me they want nothing more to do with me i m fucking useless and worthless and anyone who s ever told me otherwise want me to suffer what do they see in me i have achieved nothing i am nothing nothing but a corpse too stubborn to start rotting but fully entirely dead,1
i have decided to just end my life i ve been dealing with the pain for too long weirdly enough i m not extremely upset but rather calm i m excited that i ll soon be able to die i don t even care about my life anymore and tbh it s great that i feel numb to it all i m not even cry about it i just want the pain to go away and now i ll be able to get rid of the pain i ve just been dealing with anxiety and depression i m ready to go heck it ll be cool to die on my birthday haha,1
lying manipulating aunt taking advantage of my mom forcing my parent apart stealing money stealing clothes for year and counting i couldn t take it my school grade dropped covid hit couldn t muster up the courage to talk to friend had a drive through high school graduation barely graduated at all no uni plan working at a dollar store just floating on with no motivation or will my sister almost suicided but had the courage to talk about it i attempted more time than i can count but couldn t talk about it the closest to death wa when i wa bleeding so much from my neck i dyed the knife and clothes i wa wearing i tried talking about everything but the attempt but those that know stopped talking to me unless i try first wouldn t it be better if i off myself and get it over with it s not like it matter nothing doe another person will just grow up and fill my spot in society life doesn t matter all life is only equal cause it s equally worthless everything is worthless but the few friend that did help me would hurt but it s better to get it over with like a bandaid instead of make them watch me suffer nothing is going my way i m constantly cry myself to sleep i ve been called wise but it s just watered down suicidal thought coming up in normal conversation religion helped for a bit but it s just more rule on how to live i need help but i don t have the will to do anything i just need someone to comfort me i try hugging myself but it just reminds of how lonely i am every time i try reaching out it just end with a passive one word reply we haven t talked in so long how ve you been doing good just cut me off if you don t like talking to me quit playing these mind game and say it to my face i m seriously messed up am i messed up or is everyone else messed up but that s what s socially acceptable no matter how much i hate the world my mind always try to justify thing or see thing from they re point of view even if it s a blatantly bad thing are my friend bad or am i bad i don t know i just feel sad or numb but cover it with a smile so if i can make a difference in someone s life it s a positive one unlike mine i feel like such an attention seeker by talking about what i m going through maybe being anonymous like this is what s letting me write this it s am again so goodnight we ll see if it s the last time i say that or not,1
i just want a hug right now i pissed my gf off and i just want to know that i m forgiven or at least told it s ok,1
just a disclaimer but i love my parent and i love my family a lot i ve been super spoiled when i wa younger and i m glad i wa born in my family in no way is this vent ragging on them or supposed to highlight them a bad people idk what the main topic of this is just a vent bc i got my card like a week ago and i feel horrible i m planning on offing myself before the next school year start im planning on doing everything ive wanted and never done before then go out with a bang be useful for once in my life then leave while the satisfaction is still fresh and before i make another mistake truthfully in the past two year i ve tried multiple time but stopped at the very last second i m not struggling a bad a everyone else so why do i feel so miserable everyone else ha become better now so why not me i ve just gotten lazier and lazier and basically just lost all of my will to do anything right now i m a a child i wa pretty much one of those kid who were constantly pressured to be in first place join competition win in basically anything many time i wa pressured to do thing i didn t want and hand in hand with that i couldn t really do most of the thing i liked too an example of the thing i had to do wa public speaking and basically announcing stuff in front of a crowd i already had stage fright then but it ended up getting worse and became overall anxiety after i humiliated myself multiple time on stage forgetting what to say stuttering etc i knew many people who could do it better but no matter how much i disliked it i guess i had no choice after that my voice became quieter i became passive i didn t raise my hand unless i wa called everytime i wa in front of people i basically just shut down when i wa younger i wa a lot more extroverted the older i became the smaller my confidence fell when i reached th grade i became really paranoid and felt all my worth wa tied to being smart and even now i still can t break away from thinking that way basically my self esteem is now in the gutter maybe even in hell at this point but the difference is just that i don t really care anymore i constantly felt the need to be a role model felt that enjoying thing would make me le of one while the rest of my class bonded with each other went on outing etc i wa so stuck up that i never went with them i wa very rule abiding after all that wa the only thing i ve ever known i remember the first time i got second place my mom is a super nice person to be honest but that time she told me i wasn t trying hard enough really hurt me so much i also used to be a really moody child there wa a time i overhead my mom say that it would be my fault if she died from stress it proved even more to me that my only redeeming factor wa that my grade were high i had the personality of a dog turd i had no talent i wasnt social honestly i wa bad kid there s really no excuse i never got violent with people in fact my sibling were the one who bullied and teased me in a very mild way though just temper tantrum i just wish they sent me to therapy instead of constantly insulting me i didn t even know how to get better i didn t know how to control myself from being angry how could a year old understand that sort of thing i asked them how i could make it stop they told me to just stop being mad i don t know why it affected me so badly now but i feel like the stuff i subconciously learned back then i can t really unlearn that easy anymore even if i don t believe in them anymore i realize i ve never really had dream i wa just going to do what my mom wanted me to do i d get a job be rich and just work and exist i guess deep inside i knew i d never be good enough for that sort of thing i just engrained it in myself that im just an average person maybe even lower and that whenever someone say im smart theyre just giving me empty praise i wouldn t say that the thing that happened to me were extreme not at all but now here i am zero motivation to do anything at all useless and more of a burden than ever before i ve been failing for two year i can t keep up with anyone i don t understand the basic i m always distracted it been two year i still can t do a damn thing the only thing i can do is draw even then it take so much of my time that i can barely do it i have so many thing i want do and learn now but i guess school is in my way again this time i suck at it even harder im always distracted i cant muster any strength or will to study or answer question to make it worse i may have adhd but i dont want to self dx it just that since day people have constantly pointed out my carelessness my voice with an uncontrollable volume etc i cant wake up on alarm i cant follow routine i cant follow timer im really forgetful im distracted and i dont know how to make it stop it horrible i dont know if im just being lazy and trying to excuse it i dont know everytime my mom see my report card i can feel her disappointment i m scared of even looking at her face i dont know why shes trying so hard to keep me alive my parent fought because of me before my mom is already too tired i dont want her to waste any more of her energy on me there just no point before the pandemic i wa still functioning properly hell i even got into the honor list and there were only a few of u now i pas everything late play game all day and slack off incompletes failing grade all of that the first time i remember wanting to pas away to say the least wa when i wa in first grade it wa a weird memory i dont know what prompted me but i gave a paper to my friend and asked her if she d ever thought of dying i remember thinking id never grow past 0 when i wa younger it wa weird but i could never imagine myself a an adult maybe this wa why i thought it wa just that i d pas away because of bad health or some accident i never really cared ive been a burden since day one guess i still am i dont know why i wrote this i guess i just felt horrible thanks for reading i appreciate it sorry for the messiness i wrote along a i thought stuff,1
let me start by saying i am in the same boat a all of you i wish i could help you all but i can t sadly about me when i wa 9 something clicked and i started to view the world a a negative place the realization of not being able to form genuine friendship my friend dying and my father not really being there for u this sent me into a depression which i am still in today i won t lie i think about suicide quite often but i control myself by distracting myself with other activity instead of letting the thought get to me all they are are thought and they have become a coping mechanism i have gone through a few therapist and psychiatrist too although i stopped my ssri and adhd med when i wa i then became quite angry knowing there is no escape the day blended together day after day rotting away i became angry with myself and others and became very angry at others and closed minded in no way am i telling you to do anything i wa in a funk this winter and a friend of mine happened to have a gel tab of lsd and i asked to buy it later that night i took it and hopped on discord with a good friend of mine who also ha some of the same stuff going on a me and ha done mushroom so we relate well it wa unexplained the most beautiful feeling i have ever felt to explain it for someone who hasn t done psychedelics it the feeling that you are part of a bigger picture and that every moment ha lead up to this you are loved i am you and you are me i am still having a hard time putting it into word i laughed the hardest i had ever laughed and then realized what life is and started to get in my feeling and cry i cried for a while and hard too and then i thought the situation wa funny and started laughing again because i know wherever i end up i will make it and that life is such a beautiful thing not to be wasted or taken for granted i then went on to trip more time on lsd and twice on mushroom i am not saying go do psychedelics but for me they have done more than ssri ever did for me in the course of a night the feeling of having a clear place in the universe and being able to question with such a reduced sense of fear is amazing the feeling of going with the flow and seeing where life take you is a liberating feeling we were put here to love one another not kill ourselves and waste potential here are my final thought do your research before doing any psychedelic because if you take ssri it could mess you up real bad also i truly believe psychedelics are the way of the way of the future i still have depression yet it is a lot easier to cope with and feel a sense of calmness instead of absolute terror about whatever you are facing know that whatever is bringing you down i love you and the universe doe too you were put here to serve a a part of a much bigger picture just a small piece of a puzzle learn to love yourselves and others and peace will come to you in all aspect of life,1
idk why life is like this i put in so much time and hour into working and working and escaping from fcking situation venezuela economy is so destroyed that i left to per only to treated like a second class person and given a cold shoulder whenever i got into a job i didn t care i keep going and i got myself into collegue working hr day for month on fish i literally would go to class with my fishing boot because i wouldnt have time in my shift to chance and right now i m just sad the pandemic made me loss everything again i havent eaten anything in day i m short a 00 buck on rent i still havent graduated i have tried nobody want to hire an inmigrant nobody want to rent his apartment to an inmigrant even this place i m renting rn is more expensive for the mere fact that i wa not born here i just want rest some freedom not waking up and be uncertain if i m gon na have food that day or not i m feeling relaxed if i actually think about it my mom would be the only person sad about it which is the only reason i still havent done it i m literally right here with a blade on a hand just thinking about my mom and damn doe it hurt,1
my plan to have my eternal rest is starting to de rail starting today it frustrating that it is starting to de rail this late in the plan however i guess nothing go according to the plan even my back up plan are starting to de rail too i just want to have my eternal rest but why is the world too unfair that i feel like it keep saying that i should suffer more than what i have experienced,1
it s been over two year since i had a real suicidal drive and made a plan to kill myself it is coming back i file like at the drop of a hat the most important person in my life my great and sweet girlfriend might not care about me anymore she know she ha to go to therapy to manage her strong emotion and to sort out many thing inside of her but every time we re close to getting help she back down it s been really hard on me i feel really worthless i feel like the only way to help is to stop being a nuisance the feeling of dread and misery is returning and it s tough i know this is fucking stupid and minor anyone active here and reading this probably ha real problem and maybe i should go vent somewhere else but i m just scared that the thought are coming back that those scary dark thought are actually back in my head,1
people in the past day have told me i m not doing enough i m not good enough i m trying my best if my best is causing me so much stress and pain what s the point of living i m nothing after all therapy doesn t help because i m far too socially anxious for it and i can t get medication because i can t go to therapy every reliever or thing that make me happy either doesn t anymore or i don t have time for i can t fucking doing it anymore,1
put aside the weightless platitude that everyone say when someone mention suicide i want to know why me considering suicide a a genuine solution is so wrong why wouldn t i want a solution garunteed to work would you rather me live a long miserable life or have me logically decide that i ve had enough and have no more use here help me understand the logic what is so wrong about it this a question that ha continually plagued me so i would appreciate answer,1
i ve thought of ending my life so many time but i never end up doing it i just wish there wa a peaceful purposeful way to go out that would be a benefit to others but i suppose life isn t that kind so the next best thing is to donate a body to science right or i hope so ive been thinking that it would benefit my mother with financial trouble she said i m just getting in the way so i think insurance should give her some money i think right now that s my only plausible solution but i just am too chicken,1
recently me and my boyfriend had issue that have been accumulating come to a head for a week i wasn t sure if he wa going to leave because of them and for a week i tried to decide what i wa going to do if he did everything is fine now thankfully we talked and we re working on our issue the main one being that he need my help to open up emotionally so he doesn t bottle them up the reason his flight instinct kicked in and he almost broke it off wa because i had stopped checking in on him and thus he thought that meant i didn t want to know i know this sound odd but this is what he told me in actuality i did want to know we just got to the point that i thought he d just tell me i wa wrong this is going exactly the way you think it is during that week i decided that if he left me i wa going to end my life at the time i didn t know that him bottling thing up wa the reason he wa talking about a lot of other thing namely my increased anxiety and me not coping well with it on my own he said i wa overloading him which i understand he also said that i seemed more angry with him over time and more anxious and that that made him feel badly about himself i didn t know any of this i thought he would tell me i ve had a traumatic life spent year feeling unloved by my family lived in a home where i wa unwelcome accumulated five mental disorder and last year wa committed for suicidality i spend the majority of my time trying to be a good of a person a i possibly can and i wa doing that with him a well and i failed obviously i came to the conclusion that if he decided that the issue we had were too fundamental to who i am and therefore unfixable that he wa probably right i spent the last few day of that week planning my death decidng what my note would look like of which there would be many one for each member of my family and for the first time actually wanted to die when i wa committed before i wa delusional i didn t want to die i thought that i had to to end the suffering this time i just didn t want to go on i figured i had given it my best shot and now the only way i could be of any use wa to leave my loved one alone and write them letter to soothe their grief and i knew some would be sad some would be angry but i just couldn t do it anymore and now he s saying these issue are fixable that he love me and want to stay that he still see good in me but now i feel confused i wa expecting to die this week i expected him to end it today or over the weekend and that didn t happen emotionally i am a wreck and neither he nor anyone else know i didn t tell him because i didn t want that to affect his decision and i would rather cut off my arm then manipulate people i love i won t tell him now either if he ever doe decide to leave he need to feel free to do so and now i just i ve discovered how dependent i am on others to give me value i simply don t believe that everyone ha value some people namely rapist serial killer people who hurt people over and over with no remorse etc don t and thus that mean that to keep myself from being hypocritical i have to apply my belief system to myself a well in the past i told myself that i am simply too unwell to make that decision objectively but now that feel like running away from the question i am just reconciling this relationship is inherently unstable because me and him are both highschoolers and i have enough illness to mark me insane i ve realized that i won t be able to handle loosing him because i think he is such a great human being and he s treated me so well if we ever split i ll know it wa my fault and apparently that mean more to me than i thought no one in my life can know this happened specifically because i recently went off of my anxiety medication and they ll say thats why this happened this doesn t make sense because when i wa commited last year i wa taking the medication and that didn t prevent me from being suicidal and because the side effect of the medication made my life significantly worse and harder so i doubt going back on it would really help i will not discus why because it is horribly embarrassing and feel dehumanizing and i don t want anyone s opinion i just want to know how do i move on all it took wa a week for those thought to become instinct again and they re still following me typically i move on quickly partly because of my dissociative disorder and it d only take a day or two to forget but this isn t dissapearing i ve damaged my psyche and i don t know what to do about it i can t talk to a therapist in my experience they don t actually know how to help you move on from a period of suicidality they only know how to keep you from doing it i think cbt the therapy not the drug could help honestly but i doubt seriously i could find a therapist who doesn t think suicidal thought disappear after you re commited at least thats how they treated it at the psych ward they act like your thought should be gone in a week last time i opened up about this i felt like i wa being punished by my family and by my doctor actually i m still being punished at least by my family everyone ha an opinion about your suicidality and everyone make it about themselves i just mean to say opening up isn t an option i don t need further punishment or have people angrier with me than they were before how can i in my own time and on my own term move foward i know there s a way especially since i m motivated though my heart is probably in the wrong place because my reason for being motivated is so that it doesn t affect my boyfriend and i feel i should specify i don t mean how can i tackle the root i can actually do that in therapy without risking hospitalization i just mean a of now how can i wrangle myself together and keep moving,1
im a y o male child sex abuse victim i wa molested by an uncle at pre school age along with my younger brother this disgusting trauma ha cast a shadow over my entire life and now that im in a period of increasing loneliness and hopelessness i think im just gon na leave i have so many social difficulty from this so many thing are 0x harder for me for so many reason it ha basically destroyed my ability to feel any worth in myself to feel like i deserve anything on top of this i deal with persistent chronic pain im seriously drowning lost everyone who made me happy and the focus in my life is never on me always a second thought to even my own parent my grandpa keep a gauge in his closet that im going to use to splatter my head later,1
hello i hope you are having a good day i have been suicidal for the last year at least i am 9 male idk if that matter and i never told anyone about it because well i am too shy today i built enough strentgh to be able to open up about my suicidal thought to my mother just to feel absolutely destroyed by her reaction she immedately asked if i am autistic no joke and didnt stop saying that i wa telling her this to threaten her or make her feel guilty i wa very confused when i heard that and she still continued doubting my academic performance even though i told her many time i am still doing well in my study then finally she somehow ended up beating me up out of rage telling me that i am lazy that i dont help at home that i dont pay the bill that i dont get the highest grade making feel me like i am burden to everyone well i guess that must be true right i am worthless so i should disappear soon trust me i want to die really badly but i get slapped by reality and i realize how weak i am when i try killing myself i am sorry for being such a disappointment to everyone i am truly sorry,1
i ve tried therapy i ve tried medication i know i m trying i quit nicotine i ate better and exercised i don t know what to do it s tiring living like this and having to do it alone i don t drink anymore and still feel the same i m too embarrassed to reach out i wasn t raised in a mental health conscious family i keep flaking on friend but it s because i m so tired man i don t know what to do i don t need anyones help i promise i m not a nice person who deserves it i don t know what to do anymore im just exhausted,1
why do people have to care about me im only alive because of my parent and some friend because they would be sad if i died life is bullshit,1
content warning od throwing up hi this is just a vent ig but like last night i really felt like taking an overdose but i decided not to so that i didn t have to throw up cause that happened and i hate it and i don t want to throw up and then die like that would be awful but today i woke up at like three or four am and puked all over the floor and now i m just thinking that me avoiding taking those pill didn t work out like hoped like i still threw up but i m not even dying,1
long story short i wa miserable at parent moved out for a year happiest time of my life still sometimes i found myself sad cry and still miserable had to move back in been month hate it here i m starting to think it s just me no matter what i do i still find myself sad amp wondering why i exist usually keep myself extra busy but any downtime i have i ll have these same thought what make you keep going why do you decide to get out of bed every morning what is the literal point of your existence,1
i don t see why suicide is selfish in my case if i killed myself to make other people s life better i don t think that should be considered a selfish but im called selfish for wanting to kill myself i don t get it im a fuck up if i m alive and i m a fuck up if i want to kill myself i don t know what to do anymore,1
a the title say i can t be bothered with life anymore it taking me so long to even go to a bridge and jump off i just wan na die already got no friend family dont give a crap amp i always get left behind when it come to meeting people so why not end it all and be done with this pain,1
i need some help badly i suffer too much my depression ha gone from a depression i wa able to function on i wa a everyday gym user ate well slept well grade were alright now my depression is horrific i tried the gym the other day and saw myself in the mirror and wanted to pick up a weight and smash my head in i don t eat i don t sleep i ve lost weight badly my hair is always ridiculed someone always go out of there way to speak to me or about me leave me alone i would bet money if you ask my couple of friend and my family doe he have depression they would say no way he s happy i m dying inside suicidal thought used to be a comforting thing for me whenever something bad happened i said i won t be here so it won t matter now it s getting to the point where it seems like my only solution i m such a gentle great soul why doe my brain treat me like a piece of dirt why doe my brain force me to thrive to look perfect i ve resorted to self harm i ve done it twice a month or two ago and it felt great i cut up my thigh badly i ve tried to not make that a habit tho i m just a year old kid how tf am i giving up already on life my beautiful parent and family and pet and i choose to be a disgusting loser i wish i didn t have such a amazing family so i didn t feel guilty i know this is long and i know people won t read this on a stupid reddit page but i had to vent my main reason for depression are body dysmorphia worst part and most crippling lack of social life fear of driving while everyone else doe lack of aspiration don t know what i m doing for college don t have a career choice lack of attention from opposite sex least painful one but it definitely hurt badly i ve never told a single person about depression can someone save my life,1
hey tbh i don t know who to ask i tried unalive myself by hanging un fortunately they rescued me i don t have any medical complication but i have something i can describe a bloody eye like the part of my eye that supposed to be white are partially cover with blood i m wondering doe anyone had something like that i love my half dead look but i m curious when my eye will get back to normal,1
i have always hated myself and have attempted suicide several time for the past year since my last attempt what had kept me going ha been focusing on changing myself to become someone i can stand a long a changing and improving myself felt possible death didn t seem like the only answer to escape who i am despite covid i have liked myself more in the past year than ever before because i felt like i wa actually making progress on becoming a good person in therapy so it felt even more do able then four week ago my therapist told me that all this time therapy hasn t been working he reduced the amount of therapy i receive per week because i wa relying on it too much to enact the change it wa immediately clear after the change that he wa right i m the exact same piece of shit i ve always been i wa just able to be better because of his help a soon a it wa removed i went right back to how i wa before i feel so foolish humiliated and defeated i feel like i ve been in the desert racing desperately towards an oasis for the past two year only to discover it wa just a mirage all along death really is the only way to escape being who i am,1
people dying in the street everyone is so isolated possibility of nuclear war the list go on and on and on i already have shitty mental health and i don t think i can handle the pressure of the modern world much longer inb this is the best time to be alive hurrdurr no it s not i just want to live like a human is supposed to live in a small tribe in which we all care for each other spend all day everyday with other people be a part of a community our society ha completely removed u from the joy of being a human i feel like i m in a spaceship in the middle of deep space with no hope for any human connection,1
today i pretended i wa okay to my mom so she would continue to let me stay in her house i choked down food so it looked like i had an appetite and told her i would go draw so i could be myself alone i can t even draw anymore anyways i saw this a fake it til you make it i ve been told it s actually that i m not putting any effort in and using people so i guess i ll sleep a long a the people around me will let me then hoping i never wake up,1
my friend who s always been like a motherly figure to me and i ve always looked up to her ha been mentally struggling for ever since i ve known her mental facility in where she life are actual hell she tried to off herself a couple of time but didn t this time i m afraid that she ll do it because she s getting worse every day and i feel so helpless because word can t touch her anymore and that s all i can do she said that she feel worthless and life doesn t have meaning to it and that she think no one want her in their life and she doesn t know right from wrong good from evil and reality from illusion she s tired and the only thing she can think of is doing herself justice by ending her life to shut the voice in her head it broke my heart reading what she said and i couldn t translate it all i want her to find peace i just want the best for her i wish i m more brave to show her how beautiful life can be but even i can t see it so is there a point in trying i wish i could do more i wish i wa helpful i wish i can show her that she s not alone in this and that i love her i hate myself for even thinking that it s the best thing for her because then she ll be free she can finally rest in peace even though it hurt but i don t want her to suffer more than she already ha i want her to reach the peace she s been looking for i feel so selfish if i tried to stop her what should i do,1
i m year old live by myself and i m losing my marble i wa with a girl for two year up living together for until a week before my birthday when she dumped me cut me off and told me how horrible i am i ll admit i ve been controlling i had caught and been told about her having an affair with a coworker halfway through and still forgave her around new year she told me she is pregnant with my child i m pretty positive it s mine but now i m hoping it s not im off the deep end i think horrible thought all day a i mindlessly build door for 0 hour i imagine just ending it after work and how thing are going to be so much better when i do it im broke with bill i m court ordered therapy and today wa my 90 compliance order time now i get violated i don t want help i want to die i m just scared what s it s going to do to my fragile parent i m a psychopath i m adopted i don t even know who made me i wa never even supposed to be here i don t think anyone will read these but i need to say it somewhere and i dont want help i can t change my mind anymore i wasn t made for this bullshit i ll do more harm to others if i don t end myself before pray for my daughter pray for my parent i can t do this shit anymore,1
nothing left bye guy hope life give you what you want because it didn t for me,1
i just want to either take all my pill or jump off a bridge and be done with it people i thought cared at me don t and the one person i know care about me and want to be my friend doesn t respect me a a person with feeling he hurt me he know how his new relationship ha affected me and now his won t stop behaving like a horny teenager in public a a man in his mid 0 i just want to be respected i looked up to him and it s all crumbling down in front of me i can t be friend with him anymore and i can t live with that i just want to be done with this pathetic life i just had to cut my parent off for the second time in undergrad and have nobody i m useless and behind on so much i have so many obligation but i can t find the strength to do any of them all my peer hate me for being upset how dare i be upset when i see the person i like make out with their significant other on the floor and won t keep their hand off each other and i can t do anything about it if i say anything i ll lose everyone i m trapped i fucking hate myself for getting close to him and wish he just left town when he graduated so i never got to know him at all,1
i m f i ve been bullied throughout my entire school career i wa always the gifted kid until i wa about and started to feel the burn out but i persisted with the gifted class and now i m absolutely burnt out i wa always the friend that everyone went to when they needed something but nobody wa ever available when i needed help i ve always lived for others and never lived for myself and i m tired of it i don t even know what i want in life anymore i m always shut down for my idea i wa molested by a family member for year from the age 0 and since then have been raped time each a separate occasion and person i ve made multiple attempt on my life in the past and used to self harm i ve been clean for a little over a year but the urge are so strong my most recent attempt wa in august 0 and wa an overdose on metoprolol it wa about am and i wa otp with a friend and told him that i wanted to die he told me if you re at peace with that decision then you do what you think is best for you i however don t think that you should do it but i know i can t stop you and i proceeded to down bottle of metoprolol i waited about minute until i could finally feel everything shutting down and woke my younger brother up and told him what i did he called 9 and woke my parent and younger sister up my younger brother watched a the paramedic put me in the ambulance and had to watch me flatline a they were flooding my body with med to keep me awake i got to the hospital and my mom didn t even bother to show up for another hour she stayed with me for a while before she had to go to work and then my dad who abused me my entire life stayed with me and did nothing but complain about me and say that i wa nothing but a coward who wanted to take the easy way out my dad got into it with hospital staff bc he had to leave and nobody could stay with me so i had to leave against medical advice one of my older brother made the hour drive in hour to come down and make sure that i wa safe after my younger brother called him and told him what happened i wa put into a outpatient program afterwards and it helped a lot for a while but after about a month of being out of it i wanted to die again since then i lost one of my older brother and it s been difficult to deal with that and my own problem internally i ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do now i have a plan and everything i wa aiming for my th bday but that s too far from now i just want to give up i m exhausted,1
i get into argument with my mum almost everyday and the reason is because of me i don t intend to start a fight but i always some how manage to my mum ha no tolerance for stress and that s why she is so sensitive to argument because she ha been through a lot from me and my dad i hate to admit but i don t like to be around my family my younger sister doesn t even like to live in the same house a me because of my toxic behaviour and inability to communicate properly i never wanted to hurt anyone but now i ve become a thorn hurting more and more and i have seen my decline over time with how much more severe thing have been in home my mum ha been damaged so much by stress that she is forced to stay in bed for the rest of the day if an argument unfolds and it wont be long until she ha a heart attack from stress unless something change when i go out with friend s once a month or so i m quiet and there is never any trouble caused and i m able to have a break from reality for a few hour until i go home and face stress again home drive me insane and i hate it because i m around people i can t get along with but i never wanted it to be this way but i made it like this my only peace is when im asleep alone or outside with mate and thats not enough to keep me going over the past year i have changed so much and i don t know what to do anymore i have become emotionless and hollow building up all my pain and sadness inside and not showing anyone except some friend but only the tip of the iceberg i never wanted to be the bad guy but i end up being one because of a mistake i make i myself can t handle stress either so i might not even finish school yet reach college it doesn t help either that i don t want to go to college so my mum will kick me out of the house to go live with my dad who ha been severely affected mentally by drug and is deranged my mum say i m exactly like my dad and he is a horrible person i don t know what there is to live for in life i m hurting everyone around me and who know how long it will be till my friend cut me from their life depression is horrible and i will never wish it upon anyone because it is like a wound that re open deeper and deeper everytime it close to being healed i hate life and hate myself i don t enjoy anything and hate school so where will i end up if i survive school i don t know and it scare me because time is ticking faster than i want it to i am going to commit suicide in the end whenever that time arrives i have sealed my faith and can t undo my bad the tunnel is getting darker for me and worse is to come i waited long enough for a sign to keep going but i never received one i m a burden on my family and a selfish soul that doe not deserve to exist only i can save myself but i gave up a long time ago how do i even find a reason at the lowest point in my life if anyone read this thanks for taking a moment out of your day to hear my pain,1
i m leaving tonight i can t keep doing this i m sorry,1
i got so used to the happiness i thought everything finally made sense and i had a future i wa and am convinced this man who ha hurt me in so many way is my soulmate now four month after a blindsiding breakup he s with someone else and every day i breakdown and think about killing myself i never thought id be like this over some guy but there it is ive tried med and therapy and everything youre supposed to do but i cant eat i cant sleep when all i dream about is him and i cant function or get a real job or anything i hate myself for being so weak and pathetic i dont know how to do this anymore,1
i m writing this in hope i get a sign but it s been year already and no sign of life getting better my mom hate me she already told me that my family doesn t give a shit about me and my friend they also don t i ve been trying to get a job i wa just fired from a job where i wa happy learning and getting good pay they just sent me an email saying they no longer need me no feedback except for you are great but not what we need i have tremendous stress a i have to help pay rent i don t want to be a burden anymore i really tried but i m not getting anywhere,1
how doe suicide really feel for your loved one my friend told me that it would probably be pretty painful and sad but i m wondering if people even care,1
i feel at peace but i can t stop cry i m done with life i will no longer be a noose ance anymore i guess part of me wish someone would stop me still i don t know i m done edit it is now the next day i m still thinking about killing myself but it s way le intense now more of a thought than a plan and intent i don t know it s been rough it s hard to see a way out of it but i know that inaction isn t going to help me get over it man i wish life wa le difficult but it really feel like i m learning everything from the ground up i know for sure that there are many people who are going through similar situation experience a i am but due to the nature of it nobody dare to talk about it i do however think that my experience are universal therefore survivable idk i just wish it didn t have to be that way but i need to accept it,1
the people that sh why do you do it i ve gotten this question a couple time since a couple year i m self harming almost daily i do it for three reason comfort seeing myself bleed physically is for some reason comforting to me my question to you do you see yourself in that too distraction it s is a quick temporary conversion from emotional pain to physical pain relieving my mind and thought for a quick moment shame the third reason is more of a response to the most asked question aren t you afraid people will see your wound scar and the answer is no people won t get to see it anyway it s on my torso leg and shoulder i never am in situation where those body part are exposed it s a simple a that,1
i can t handle people talking to me however they want anymore im over it fuck it,1
not handling the loss of my father barely making it day to day i m in so much pain i don t think i can make it much longer,1
wa recently hit with a major wave of depression and memory i cant seem to get it out of my head and the thought of oding sound so enticing to me right now year of religious indoctrination is the only thing holding me back is there any way i can quickly overcome this fear of burning for eternity so i can just rest peacefully in the void,1
it s ironic and funny even that when i m feeling so angry and alone and after every professional that i ve seen said there s always people who ll listen to your problem the one time i try to actually reach out to them they never answered,1
i don t get it i ve know i have a future i know have a route but i don t see the point anymore no matter what i do it s never enough for the people around me family friend even myself no matter what i do i feel like i m always doing it wrong i have severe social anxiety and i m too scared to reach out to anyone close to me i know they ll just turn their back like they always do everyday i have to put on a mask and pretend like everything is okay i don t want to put it on anymore i don t want anyone to feel sorry for me i don t want to cause that stress in anyone but myself my mind is so fucked up that i don t even know what s wrong with me anymore all i know is that something is i ve kept all my emotion bottled up for year i m too numb to feel anything anymore i can t remember the last time i felt legitimate happiness the only thing i feel at this point are physical besides stress shame and a crippling caffeine addiction it s so bad that i m taking at least 000mg a day at this point at this point i just have a bottle of mixed medication at my bedside that i stare at every night and each day i feel myself moving closer to downing them all this is my last call i don t know what else to do,1
im still in school and i get bullied i dont have friend and i get beatun up almost every day and i get sick a lot like fainting alot and im just sick of it so here i am asking for help so will someone please just help me,1
i am sorry i could not make it until june i have tried i am not strong enough this school is too unforgiving i am sorry,1
i just want someone or the love of my life who wa out there somewhere to come and heal me and pick me up and give me everything i needed in life and validate all the issue i ever had faced in this lifetime i can t be asked to put my mental health first or any of that shit anymore i can t carry myself,1
i m trying really hard,1
a man in my neighborhood just killed himself in the same method i am planning it happened a month ago but i just got more detail about it today from my mom she doesn t suspect a thing about me all the story i have heard about when something like this happens is that people rally together but that didn t happen my mom talked about his poor wife and how much his kid are going to miss him and how it must have been some of the medication he wa on she didn t say a thing about him other than it wa sad that he had mental health issue the people in my circle think that people like me and him are worth le than someone healthy they never said that but i can tell they think people like me are hard to love that we have too many demon inside of u that people with depression are letting the devil get to them none of this ha escaped me am i really evil am i letting the devil win the worst part is that they don t know what i m planning to do but i could never say anything because i don t want to hurt them i don t want to destroy the image they have of me while i am alive,1
to preface i would like to apologize in advance for any posting informality this is my first reddit post i just graduated university in may of 0 and received a job at a global digital marketing agency agency life a a first job wa too emotionally taxing for my well being and gave me extremely bad performance anxiety i quit this job right before the start of 0 and have been looking for a job since i briefly had a job in february of 0 however a close friend of mine offed himself and i wa fired for taking time off to grieve due to this i started taking prozac and visiting a therapist once a week thing were going fine until i decided to drink on prozac one night and have a psychotic episode this episode caused me to get extremely aggressive towards my roommate for no reason i wa running down a list of accusation some true and some untrue however my girlfriend worried for the safety of my roommate decided to slap me in hope to end the episode terrible idea i know amp we have no history of domestic abuse this lead me into a meltdown where i called the cop trying to get her arrested for assault along with spewing false detail of thing that i wa hallucinating the cop soon realized i wa having an episode and luckily didn t press charge and talked me somewhat down from being aggressive once they left i packed up every item i own and drove hour to my family s house i don t remember anything until i wa almost finished packing my stuff i severely hurt my roommate and girlfriend i don t think about coming back because of how overwhelming the guilt will feel i m not sure what i should do and my brain is focusing on the permanent solution i guess the reason for this post is to ask for any advice or tip i didn t want to drone on regarding other incident so i ll leave a list below of what s happened in the past year cut off abusive parent experienced a few other meltdown due to work school stress lost a ton of friend due to self isolation took too many psychedelics which ha given me bad general anxiety wa arrested and impulsively moved halfway around the u before i wa ready to amp x 00b life for the past year ha gone continuously downhill for me i can t realistically see a way out of this,1
a i write this it feel so attention seeking like i am looking for a reason to stay a reason to feel i have all the reason right in front of me my girlfriend my best friend my dog however none of it matter i m drunk and all i want to do is die i m scared i m scared of how that will make my friend family and girlfriend feel how can i put them through that i wish i didn t care i wish i didn t care about their feeling i wish i could just go get a gun or in my car and resume back to the chapter before my birth sometimes surviving an event is the hard part me surviving life is the hard part it feel like i could go in forever forever knowing that it s just chemical in my brain that make me want to blissfully enjoy the enteral slumber that awaits u all medicine scare me what if it change who i am the last time i wa on the medicine i slept for the majority of the day unable to get out of the blissful slumber that carried away my thought and sorrow eventually i ll have the gut if i rid myself of everyone who care,1
it s kind of funny isn t it,1
age gender m i ve been dealing with my depression for a while now and some people including my parent know although my biggest regret is telling my girlfriend when i told her that i have been trying to take my life everything changed i understand it s just her caring and not knowing how to deal with it but it s been such a burden on the relationship i m not longer human to her i m mainly a ticking time bomb i m starting to feel like i ve locked her in this relationship because of this disease i have we can t go a hang out without her cry about the fact that my life is hanging on by a thread and i know this is extremely selfish of me how could i not be appreciative for this caring girl to be honest i couldn t care le just every time i see her break because of me it make me hate myself more i wish i just kept that side of me hidden away from her to protect her from it the worst part is she can t help me even though she try so hard and she know it every day feel like a toss of a dice whether i will live or die and she is watching it all helpless i love her so much she keep me going but god i wish i had a time machine to go back and make sure i never told her just then she could be happy until the end i m sorry vesna,1
i cant see the only person keeping me here i cant listen to his voice i should be able to but my anxiety make it impossible for me to ask him to meet up or call i can only message him he doesn t respond for hour i need to speak to him i need to see him i need him i miss him i miss him so much im on the verge of attempting bc it feel like ill never see him again i havent seen him in month i havent spoken to him in person in 9 i know i need to talk to someone but im not getting therapy until june i tried sending him message over the last few day but he hasn t even seen them my heart is literally physically aching bc i miss him so much i cant do this anymore edit guy im ok he responded to my message and i wa able to calm down before i could try to end it,1
but fuck insomnia that moment of peace is snatched too,1
normally i use my note app but this wa the first time i had written pen and paper somehow it feel good it s the final chapter of my life i hope people in my life understand i had to do this for myself the pain is too much for one to handle everyday,1
she asked me to go out and do thing outside of school which i don t do often she s so nice and cool and creative and i care fo her so much but i feel like i should just leave her alone im such a terrible person ive done and said so much messed up stuff and if she knew who i really wa she would hate me im a fucking shit head emotional manipulator i cut my arm and palm to shit just hoping that she would notice and comfort me or tell me to stop and she didn t notice and now i want to cut myself more for being an idiot and thinking i could get someone to care for me by ruining myself she d probably be disgusted by my scar anyway i wish i could go to therapy or get help but i can t and at this point i feel awful all the time and i just can t do it anymore im gon na kill myself soon probably this year whenever i fuck up to the point all my inhibition about death are gone thank you to the people that dm d me on my last post i didn t respond to one of you but i appreciate it,1
im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can someone help me do it where can i go to do it i think it will irresponsib e for me to just jump into traffic a i don t want others to suffer i just want to go quietly are there any service like that my ocd keep me hanging i have a list i cant leave or ill go crazt im tired why is it so hard to log out of this life anybody wan na kill me no string attached or do you know anyone who could please make it stop i want to cease and disappear,1
i don t know if i could able to live another day or another year i hear everyday people judge who i talked to or what i m planning to do they hated my presence and how my thought is they hated my love of interest and my hobby because it s useless and not get you anywhere in life my mom constantly telling me i m not going anywhere in life because of the many failed attempt on planning to go to school or planning to get the job but no my self esteem and my joy for socializing people is ruined by my mom i m still in a constant unresolved trauma going on in on through my childhood where i get brutally beaten by people whose used to be kid and now grow up to be the same thing a me but selfishly beat me to the ground i couldn t able to save my dad through a stroke back in october 0 nobody understands me when i talked about my issue at home or my life they only thought i m a well rounded person who got lot of achievement and so called hope on me and now i m on my computer scrolling though which rope i could buy and how sturdy the fall is and use it before my birthday because nobody understands me,1
my abusive mom got off she died ruining me my younger brother is in her footstep and abuse me too i don t want any encouragement or anything positive i am just done sensitive people like me the victim always lose my mom won a she died and is now in peace my brother ha won too so i m done i lost the battle and the war narc always win,1
if thing don t get better for me by the end of 0 i m going to cash out my saving write a will and use of my saving to go on a world trip alone after which i will kill myself in a quiet place by the sea or something the saving i m leaving for my little brother because who know how expensive college will be by the time he s i m almost and a neet i have no friend no so extreme depression and social anxiety i don t find joy in hobby i am too anxious to go outdoors social medium trigger me i have no skill and haven t worked since 0 0 my family is poor and having me living in the house just drain their saving i consider myself low maintenance but food and electricity is just so goddamn expensive these day i also have ton of allergy and dyshidrotic eczema on my finger and during my flare ups i can t do any chore and any contact with water cause itch and spread now at springtime it meant i m rendered basically incapable of doing anything it s gon na last for month and i feel useless it s an autoimmune disease and there s no cure nothing help no diet prescribed cream nothing it s been like this all my life fall is the only season where it s the mildest,1
when all you can feel is you re failing at everything failure failure failure so you give up and you attempt to end it all and even fail at that how am i supposed to feel then,1
i miss my life before this depressive episode idk if you can even call it an episode anymore it s been over year i don t think i ll ever be the same and that destroys me inside i miss 0 9 and 0 0 up until september i wa truly happy and just coasting through life so content i wa so happy and life wa so simple especially during the 0 0 lockdown all i had to do during the lockdown wa watch load of anime and random netflix show explore new music stay up all night and do nothing i even had time to explore my childlike side by doing load of painting and drawing using kiddie paint and colouring book my mental health wa great too i had no eating disorder no depression no school work my anxiety and ocd wa minimal and i wasn t so deeply lonely like i am now i can literally just hear a song smell a smell or taste a good that i experienced to during that period and i will burst out in tear because i miss not being depressed so much now even if i do try and enjoy life like i did back then and be carefree it ll never be the same because my anxiety and depression have quite literally destroyed me from the inside now i ll never be able to enjoy life like that again i had never been in a relationship and that didn t bother me at all now i ve still never been in a relationship and it make me feel unloveable and ugly i always hear people at school talking about their relationship and date and stuff and even though i don t want a boyfriend that bad i still feel like i m missing out on a key part of the teenage experience but still to be honest i m not that keen on a relationship i really just want to be happy anyway all that s left to do is die i have my plan in place and i have a date and method at least i can say that i experienced true happiness and one point in my life i guess,1
hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated so i m a 9 year old guy from southern california i dated my ex for about month and it wa a relationship plagued with many issue she cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and i later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her it wa this weird situation because we both wronged each other so we saw it a we re equal let s try to make this work though our relationship could be considered rocky at best i still loved her very much and i had never felt such strong emotion for someone like that before she wa my first real girlfriend she introduced me to her family and vice versa we went on vacation with each other we went to punk show and enjoyed music because we had a similar taste in music around december she caught me flirting with girl on my phone and i guess you can say she ended the relationship but everything wa still the same we would see each other regularly have sex pretty regularly go out and do thing with one other and talk all the time like we did it wa almost a like we never even broke but she said the relationship wa over but if i prove to her that i would make a change that we would get back together at first i wa super apologetic and begged her for forgiveness but i soon realized that everything wa still the same minus the fact that we technically aren t in a relationship anymore i did a lot of soul searching and talking to those around me who told me it wa for the best that we didn t date anymore so i started talking to other girl around this time i meet my guitar teacher and started playing the guitar i ve been playing for about month now it s something that make me very happy and i enjoy doing it like i mentioned earlier with my ex everything felt the same except we technically weren t in a relationship but she would still say she love and care about me in december i wa still trying to get her forgiveness she bought me these sick computer speaker i bought her this ring with our name engraved on it but she didn t really seem to like it and even left it at my house and never took it even though that s what she wa begging me to buy for her at one point i told her that it bothered me that she completely just tossed away the ring and her response is why would i wear a promise ring when i ve broken the promise i didn t have a rebuttal to it so i dropped the subject january rolled around and the idea of trying to gain her favor back and earning our relationship back grew to disdain we both were on bumble tinder talking to other people flirting but we still would be in this weird situation where we were in this relationship saying i love you to each other so like i mentioned earlier i had downloaded dating apps and met flirted with some girl and she wa doing the same thing but i told her that i m growing tired of this weird thing and that i want to be back with her and try to make thing work and she wa kinda blowing it off i deleted all the dating apps i wasn t meeting flirting with any girl and i didn t do anything with anyone besides her this whole time so fast forward to my birthday on february st and she bought ticket for u to go to knot berry farm amusement park here in socal we had a good time and we ended up having sex later that night during this whole weird period we were having sex pretty consistently my birthday ended up being the last time we saw each for a while because my best friend said that they saw her on bumble tinder i made new account and i saw her she swiped right on me both time and it set me off because i kept telling her i wanted to be with her and wanted to start over and she said wanted to a well but wanted to make sure but wanted wait and that she loved me and only wanted to be with me would always say she can t imagine being with anyone but me so seeing her on these apps even though we told each other we weren t going to be on them anymore so i sent her this long message telling her how i felt about her our relationship and the whole tinder bumble situation and that i wa through with her then it wa almost a she flipped the script and that she wa the one begging me to get back with each other and she pulled her whole i love you i can t imagine being with one else but you blah blah but i wa done and wa ready to emotionally move which i feel like for the most part i have so i completely stopped talking to her many of my close friend helped me out a lot especially my best friend i felt sorta free in a way and i wa trying my best to move on i met other girl and had hookup with a lot of them i mean last week i had sex with two different girl in one night on friday but every time i feel like happy at first after but then shortly after i go back to this feeling of emptiness that i have been feeling i and my family had a trip planned out to give a visit to our family in el salvador and we went it wa only for a week but it wa the happiest i had been in so long a soon a i came back that feeling of emptiness came back full force a couple of week after i came back me and my friend decided we wanted to try shrooms it wa a whole ordeal to get them but we somehow got them we had it all planned out but it kinda fell through me and my best friend ended up taking the i unfortunately had a bad trip at first the trip went super well but i took about gram and it wa my first time and i started telling my friend i wa depressed then it turned into i m planning on committing suicide when i m older but something came upon me and i wa telling him i wanted to kill myself right then and there and i tried to kill myself but my friend stopped me i have been pretty traumatized since that night and i have been thinking about it so much during the time i wa in el salvador my ex made a tik tok about me saying i wa a terrible person and that i treated her horrible and that she wa the victim of the relationship and it got like 000 view she also posted a video on her instagram story of some random licking her face and her kissing him after so i wanted nothing to do with her anymore but after my bad trip i felt emotionally vulnerable and i texted her back and i told her what i went through and we started texting again she told me that she wanted to see me again and i wasn t there emotionally she came over and we ended up having sex and we ve done this twice now i just feel like i have gone through so much these last month and it ha been so much to handle after i took the shrooms i felt like i needed to better my action and i planning on going back to school i have stopped smoking weed and drinking i never did it often but i want to completely stop i m growing tired of this constant feeling of emptiness i feel every day of my life and i feel like i haven t been trying to move my life forward and i keep going back to the same place i keep telling myself i want to move from i don t know if it s depression or what but i m tired of the way i feel sometimes when i think about my bad trip i just chalk it up to me being high but other time i feel like that deep down i actually want to and that the shrooms just made me realize i love and appreciate my best friend my other friend and my family because they provide me with amazing support but these feeling still linger and i m growing tired of it the thing that ha been providing me with happiness is playing guitar and it s been my escape i would appreciate someone to talk to maybe i need someone fresh perspective,1
i should ve died it s been a year since my last suicide attempt a year since the closest i ve gotten to dying a year since my greatest mistake of life see people talk ab leading up to the attempt or their life before that but after the failed attempt they just say they wanted to live and everything got better nah bro that s not this story a year later i m worst than before i just don t live alone anymore and there s more thing stopping me i still hate my life i still wan na die and honestly my depression got worst i just feel like i can express it le since then i had a brief period of being okay then again it all went to shit i no longer play college sport i dropped out of school time i fucked yo everything i cared about and apart from that i m in debt i self harm way more than i used to probably every day now i catch myself switching the knife i used to use for my bare hand a it s easier to play off and i just beat myself up every night until i can barely breath pounding at my chest or rib until it hurt to be straight and i need to curl up in my ball of sweat and blood and cut from the pounding i do to myself i feel invivible like no one give a fuck and neither do i i have to fake every emotion i have because i don t feel anything just complete numbness and pain i failed at everything i set out to do and i ve hurt people who didn t deserve my pain everyone who try to help find it too much and therapy seems too impersonal so it doesn t really help and i can t open up it really just feel like everything went to shit after that it feel like my rock bottom opened up and created a newer harder level called hell for me to play since i escaped from the real one when the pill didn t work and i catch myself holding my stomach half beaten sore and hungry from the day of starving myself due to lack of motivation and thinking god damn it i should ve died that day god fuckikg damn it those pill should ve killed me if they did i wouldn t have hurt who i have if they did i wouldn t have become this failure if they didn t i wouldn t have to fake if they did i wouldn t have to beat if they did i wouldn t have to pretend i m okay being alive when all i ever wan na do is die if they did i would finally rest i can t talk ab my feeling i m undeserving of that privilege i can t explain why i do the thing i do that hurt people the word just don t come out the feeling is unexplainable i can t explain why i just wan na die because if i did then i would be told i m taking thing for granted and i can t kill myself because it hurt to hurt people all i want is to be dead happiness stoped being an option for me long ago,1
why am i here i have class i need to go back i m sweating my backside is all gross and wet and it s not because it s hot i m wearing short something is wrong with me i m broken i can t be around people but i m lonely i can t care about college awful apathy is in my vein i can t even pretend to have any desire for life or conversation i m going to fail my class maybe failing something will finally wake me up or no i m nothing of value without my grade it s all i ve ever had it s all i m actually good at and now i realize how utterly pointless and empty that overwhelming stress wa good grade never made me like living or myself if i fail it is justification that my existence is worthless i m just lonely and socially anxious to the point of phobia and scared of others and especially of myself i just want to die i m supposed to commit suicide i m sure of it i am not meant to exist i do not belong here i belong nowhere i m tired really really tired,1
every time i think thing are getting better they suddenly go to shit is it even worth trying anymore i ve hit an all time low and my confidence ha never been worse which is kind of uncommon because my confidence go last usually everyone seems to be getting happier and they all have plan for the future but i still feel like i ve a long way to go when it come to starting a new chapter in my life i m exhausted this overwhelming emptiness doesn t ever go away it only get filled with sadness and anger,1
month ago i hit rock bottom and wa about to kill myself luckily the attempt wa a failure therapy worked wonder for me and i m falling in love right now thanks for the kind word in this subreddit you helped me through the darkest night of my life much love,1
i am dying beforehand i dont even want to talk to you you are the reason why im leaving have a nice fucking life without me,1
i ve had suicidal ideation almost everyday for year now i ve kinda lost track when specifically because everything just seems like a blur i feel trapped in a way because i don t want to hurt my friend and family but at the same time i m just so exhausted with living i just want to be set free and i wish they could just let me go and finally allow me to leave this world i mean being gay and asian american should give enough of a reason a to why i ve ended up in this predicament i just wish i could have been born normal i wish i could have had a normal childhood i wish i could had all the thing that came with growing up like crush prom night or dating in high school and then piling that on top of all the other horrible shit that exists within our society i don t even want to continue with life anymore why should i even bother if world i live in wa never made for people like me why would it be bad if i choose to leave it isn t it more selfish for them to keep me hostage alive,1
i don t wan na be here anymore i m sick of feeling like this all the time i wan na kill myself tomorrow i might not do it but the thought of doing it are too much now,1
well since i m too pusy to actually kill myself i ve just decided to tell everyone who care about me i ve past away from a random heart condition it s not like it matter i m clearly and problem and i m not worth their time of day anymore my friend are all long distance anyways it s not like they ll know my soon to be ex s mom wa right i am mental and she ha the right to not want that for her daughter and i respect that i honestly had myself fooled for a little while that i wa worth something and wa actually doing better i m never gon na be able to support her anyways i m a broke sorry fool with gas cost i can no longer afford to drive from the quad city to chicago to see you i ve failed a a man the pill only work so much it s not fair to you j that you have keep track of my suicidal as i honestly want to be able to be someone that can make you happy in the way i did and more with money and stuff i want you to finish college then go to medschool like you planned on i know you re going to make a great doctor i hope you ll be able to go back home to n c and see your family more this long distance isn t right for someone like you on top of it this isn t what someone like you need you were the most beautiful person i ve ever been with in everyway i m honestly glad for the month of an amazing relationship i m even more thankful for the year of friendship guess i just wanted someone to my reason out even though i know she ll never see this and they ll never see it i can t afford to be with you guy anymore i don t wan na be the friend with no money or boyfriend and such it s not fair i hope you don t mind i keep a photo of you guy that reminds me of why i m choosing to get better goodbye guy you re gon na be fine without me,1
what if i die hel think it his fault,1
i m losing my best friend one of my friend is about to kill himself another friend is lying to me i m done i can t hold on i just can t i m done i m just so done i m ready to die i ve been ready to die so i m about to write my note and pick a time and day and hopefully i won t be alive much longer,1
curse this planet curse that most woman want an above average penis size curse most woman enjoy above average size curse i can t do anything to change mine curse i will always be inferior and never satisfy anyone fully curse that life made my life hopeless from the day i wa born curse people who get mad at me for giving up when there literally nothing i can do curse the people who dont take my problem seriously curse this planet i will go kill myself now,1
i m struggled with suicidal thought for the best part of year majority of my life i ve spent fighting myself thing that happened in my childhood have such a deep and agressive hold on my self esteem no matter what i do i don t feel confident in myself i can t even drink a coffee without getting into a fit of anxiety it s never been this lucid to the point i m planning exactly how i want to do it don t want to reach out to anyone because i ve pretended to be fine for so long couldn t imagine what it would to my mom but can t see myself ever getting better enough to enjoy my life absolutely lost,1
i 0m have had a rough past year my brother ha been in and out of psychiatric institute due to drug induced psychosis changed major life choice around my recent ex of year and am now living by myself in a college town doing all online class all of my friend are hour away and i can not seem to find connection with anybody where i live currently my mental health is on a steady decline despite being on medication and having therapy i drink alone frequently self harm almost every other day and when i try to get ahead i m constantly being pulled back i ve considered killing myself during the height of these past event yet for the first time i am enticed by the idea while having a relatively clear and calm conscious my studio apartment is hell for me a i am stuck in my head almost indefinitely i have no motivation to work on school or go to work regularly despite being a relatively driven person both ex i ve ever had see me a an emotionally abusive and controlling person and seem to have a lot of hatred for me i have always tried my best to be loving to everybody and never intentionally wronged them yet i allow them to hold power over my life even though i never see them after explaining these circumstance to my therapist she told me that it doe not classify a emotional abuse yet i still cling to those word i feel like i ruin everything around me without ever trying every time i get into my car i think about how easy it would be to just speed into a building of off a cliff i honestly don t know if i d be around to type this if i had a gun the only thing holding me back is my family and few close friend but sometimes i can completely disassociate from that reality the future scare the living hell out of me and i don t think i have a place on this earth people always say it get better but i have trouble believing that anymore i ve failed a a boyfriend brother son when all i ve ever wanted wa for people to see my true intention i don t want to go on living if it mean i continue to hurt people that i love,1
i really hate everything about myself i hate what i sound like look like my body my personality i really can t do this anymore and i won t try to i really wish i looked so much different wasn t a annoying a chatterbox i hate that i know i won t get better people call me a fighter for my disease but i hate it i wish i didn t have the clusterfuck of shit inside me i wish i wa pretty or maybe cute a cute cat a rabbit man something so i won t have to understand what people say about me i hate my body but i use fashion a my coping mechanism i never really wa able to my ex didn t like me wearing anything form fitting or revealing now that i can i find out that i probably don t have a lot of time to also definitely not the fund to when i wear something i like i feel nice and free but i also hate what i see in the mirror i said i wanted to be a cat or a rabbit but maybe a rock instead just chilling by the beach on the sand or some stream maybe a kid will take me and glue me on some paper glue sand rock seashell glitter amalgamation which will eventually be thrown in the trash to god know where i just don t want to be able to comprehend anything any word any judgement sound stupid laughable and i agree i don t know anything about the idea of reincarnation but when i kill myself tonight i guess i will hope to be a rock lol,1
being gay is so fucking lonely everyone is either busy making their crotch gobblins or busy with their so i come from a super religious family and am not financially stable by myself so i just have to sit on the corner alone and watch everyone else enjoy life i have no one to talk to i dont have any friend id feel comfortable talking about this with and warmlines feel fake a fuck i hate how straight men treat every get together a an excuse to find someone to fuck but i also feel lile a fucking weirdo for not liking woman in latin america where im from people think gay men want to be woman and every comedy show make fun of u i just feel like an object not a human an effigy created to be ridiculed and ostracized a thing that help straight people feel better about themselves by being a freak a useful object like a gay best friend or le of a man i know this will sound petty but it also hurt seeing so many beautiful men and knowing that i would never be able to be with them im also pretty ugly and gay men tend to be quite vain im not muscular im too hairy to be a femboy or a twink and im not a bottom like most people would expect of me i just feel like i dont fit in anywhere and no one will love me,1
i ve oded twice and they know i sh and the mental health team ha done fuck all sort of threatening to kill people how do you get committed i get that you can go private but i m broke i literally want to stab myself and don t know what to do so,1
i dont want to write this because i feel like im disrespecting the people that actual suffered from suicide but i dont want to live without her she want no contact at all and she wa all that made me happy i miss her,1
i fucking hate myself i deserve to die i should get run over by a train i deserve to fucking bleed until i die i need to die my mental health depends on my grade but my grade depend on my mental health i cant fucking take this im so tierd of all this i just wan na be normal i just want my family to understand that it hard it fucking hard but they dont understand i need to die i cant take this anymore im so exausted i cant take this i cant fucking take this why cant i be fucking normal,1
currently i m under and life is hell i have ptsd i wa sexually assaulted at my mom didn t feed me when i didn t do all my homework every day didn t oh and ofc ma hit me when i cried and gaslight me to believe my dad wa actually the abusive one she wa also anti vax and flat earth right when the ptsd started to get better life decided naaaaah i like you in pain so during covid i masked and baisicly hid in my apartment like a bunker i caught covid so you might say so what well guess the duck what turn out i had a dormant gene that cause lupus and covid sparked it and now mom traumatized me so that i never asked for help so now you have lupus literally causing organ failure and i m not going to the hospital my god i wish i died and ducking ofc i lived but not without permanent pain and needing harsh medicine for the rest of my life don t forget about school im at my dad now but guess what he care more about my grade than my physical and mental health so when my grade tanked he yell and guilted me into working harder and i m in the gifted program so i recive a workload nearly x my grade level and now lupus is in the story meaning i can t do school well anymore i have no social life due to being in an enriched class nobody doe anything but work so no friend in fact i got bullied and shoved context if i fall i can t get up due to lupus me around so no suppor there i wa already suicidal before the lupus and now i m in constant agony mentally and physicaly oi i m lesbian and my family is half homophobic and half racist my only friend just us me to get sympathy point for taking care of me nobody even care that every few second it feel like 00 knife are stabbing me that s not hyperbole i am in that much pain that i can not sleep 9 pain make it hard to sleep and no sleep make the pain worse then i get stressed about my grade and then i sleep le and the pain get worse 0 i m just a burden on my family lupus is a very hard condition to live with and it s even harder on dad wallet all i do is just cost him more money my dad yell at me to stop faking when i m having a flash back mom come back electric boogaloo nobody care about how i feel all i do is work work work all day even now i had to lie to dad that i m working in my room to write this my sister fat shame me my dad tell me his grandma had it worse holocaust survivor my nena guilt me into saying i m fine and doing more all dad care about are grade my brother is never there my friend only care about themselves and say they have it worse i just want the pain to stop please i just want it to end i m in constant pain my life is hell and i m in so much pain breathing hurt and there is nothing the doctor can do,1
i m 9 i m in recovery for marijuana addiction i want to quit juuling soon it s making me so depressed and anxious i feel financially insecure i m not happy at my job and oftentimes time i feel suicidal i don t want to rely on med have any of you felt this way and made drastic change and turned it all around this is absolutely the most depressed i ve ever been and i ve never thought about suicide this much before i m seeing a therapist but ultimately i want to start leading a well rounded life with healthy coping mechanism that don t involve health insurance ha anyone ever done this have you gone through a dark era where suicide wa on your mind constantly but then you turned it around need some hope some story that make me think it s possible,1
i don t know i don t know i don t know i really really don t know what is going on and i am very confused and afraid for the last year and some change i have not been able to avoid the constant intense desire to violently commit suicide i fight it by trying to think hard about my family and friend and dog and all the good thing in life i have to life for but i am tired of fighting my own brain this hard every single moment of the day there are many many day where it feel like i reach my absolute breaking point and i think i m going to do it but then if i let a couple of hour go by or smoke some weed i feel fine great even but thats the thing i never really know when that s going to end i don t know the next time i ll feel better or the next time i ll feel this low it just kind of hit me and catch me off guard every single time i have always had intense emotional problem even since early childhood and i recall having suicidal ideation at even like or year old i have been diagnosed a bipolar a year ago but i absolutely believe i have a wild case of bpd i have thought that since high school but only in these recent sophomore and junior year of college have the suicidal ideation have become intense urge it feel like i have tried every other option to try to feel happy better but they all either don t work to work for a short time and eventually fail i ve tried therapy last year for the first time thru my school it wa okay they put me on mg abilify and that helped a bit seemed when i wa on the med i would often joke to myself i m glad im on these med because if i wasn t i wa definitely going to kill myself but i dont take them anymore my mother wa very concerned about all the side effect i wa having random spell of fainting or vomiting and heavily encouraged me to get off it and she also mentioned that maybe my emotional problem were intensified by the sudden condition from covid on a teenager well i wa back then and that everyone wa going through a hard time and that made sense to me so i decided to get off it i dont think i ll be able to afford it anyway after college but thats just some side background info there are time i have blanked and scared myself and that s what make me feel like my life is in danger sometimes there wa a time last year during an episode i just started stabbing my arm repeatedly with my cuticle nipper manicure tool thing it broke the skin but they were all obviously very tiny it always scared me looking back because i think if it wa a razor blade or a knife or something it would have killed me i didn t even know what i wa doing my emotion were so strong and i just started doing it there wa another time this year where during another episode i mindlessly drove to target early in the morning to get a fresh pack of razor blade to cut myself with i did not realize what i wa doing until i got all the way back home and wa trying to figure out how to work the razor blade dispenser it just hit me wow did i really just get in my car drive 0 min to target and buy nothing but razor blade to cut myself and maybe kill myself with this is where i worried i wa getting out of control and might actually do it one day i am scared it is soon i don t want it to be but i am scared it might be the urge is so strong there are time i feel no longer in complete control of my action i am scared i am checking the box for someone who is experiencing a mental health emergency but i don t know if i really am or if im just someone who is overdramatic sensitive life inexperienced privileged and attention seeking there are time i fear that i am being attention seeking and being manipulative with my emotion even when i am alone and express them and don t talk to anyone irl about it that confuses me the most but i can never really be sure which lead me to reddit sometimes i think back on my thought if that make sense and look back at previous question i ve asked and don t know if they are normal or not to a degree i know they aren t but i don t know if it s really that bad i am afraid sometimes that if i do kill myself all these thing along with my search history music taste social behavior substance abuse problem shit i ll admit it etc etc are all indicative of someone who is going to kill themselves i look in the mirror and see someone who is going to kill themselves soon i dont want to do it i dont want to do it i always think to myself am i going to be a suicide statistic are these all the inevitable sign and symptom am i about to be one of the of college student to kill themselves this thought distress me very much i have never attempted suicide before i personally know people and read about people online who have but when they describe their emotion i do not really relate to them it seems a though my condition is never really a serious a theirs like i said i ve never officially tried before these people have so it make me think that whatever crazy shit is going on in my head i just need to get over i wish so desperately that i could do that i think i am just emotionally weak you can go back in my post history and see me weird post some i have hidden to avoid ridicule but i don t know how to get them back i notice people around me always ask if i m okay if i ever accidentally share the slightest tip of the iceberg of my feeling with them and the comment i get on reddit post telling me that i should seek professional help immediately i wa looking on my school s counseling website and they have a whole special section for resource for people who might need immediate help am i really one of those people am i experiencing a mental health emergency do i need to be monitored in a hospital there are time i do feel like i am a potential danger to myself but unlike depressed people i at least am able to feel great sometimes when i hear about people who come back from grippy sock vacation i really cringe at that term but thats what everyone around me seems to use they mention their trauma and abuse and i didn t really have it a bad a them i am just sensitive i come to reddit in desperation i have never known how to express my feeling on this without accidentally guilt tripping or manipulating people so i avoid talking about my feeling with people i know irl outside of therapist do i really need help like hospital help is this an emergency it feel like one but is it really please help me tl dr i dont want to kill myself but i a scared that i might or am i just being a weirdo,1
i researched and it took me min to get a recipe for a combination of different med that will do the trick it will cost me le than a hundred but i m broke af everytime something happens now it just make me feel better because it reminds me that my decision is correct don t need my parent denying therapy but then complaining about my behavior don t need my bfs stupid rule and controlling behavior don t need a place in a world where i m scared of so many people where i m angry at so many people where the rise of feminism tell me that men are overdramatic and whatnot where it s racist to call a dish shitty that s from another culture where people will comment on my look and send deaththreats or call me an internet rambo when i m hiding where there s bully that gave me social anxiety where my autism ha given me a handicap that at this point is out of control where i outzone while driving and almost run over a a dude where i have to understand everyone while nobody understands me i do not need this negativity,1
i ve been on med for a few year now which have worked for the most part up until last year i contracted an illness which gave me stomach problem and the issue ha kind of persisted ever since my health ha never been great eating disorder and weight issue mainly a well a really unsightly skin but this stomach issue ha taken what life i had away and now a much a i m not screaming and cry about wanting to die it almost feel like a logical step at this point i want to live i want to have a life and live it freely to the fullest but i m trapped now in this body and have to cancel most plan i do make if i couldn t work from home i d probably be jobless and the work that is site based i let people down on a lot which i hate i feel like a failed experiment of a human that should just be put in the bin i feel guilty because of the somewhat privilege i do have but that s still not been enough i ve failed myself and now my body is failing me there s also a history of cancer and tumour in my family which make me scared that i ll lose the ability to use my limb just like my mom and i don t have anyone in my life to take care of me like she doe what s the point in just sitting around and waiting for that time to come every week is a fight to get back on track but it s always step forward and or back i m scared to die but i don t feel like i have a choice i m just putting off the inevitable i don t even know the best way to do it i m even too much of a coward there s always been this one little bit of hope holding me back but that light of hope is getting dimmer by the day,1
what to do when depression is so bad you can t function properly i shower every day and i don t brush my teeth once every few week and i fear that it will cause problem in the future i just ate like donut and chip i m not fat btw lol and i can t fucking bring myself to get out of bed i don t know why,1
hello it s getting hard for me i don t know if i m really suicidal or not but i wish i could just not wake up i think about that every night before going to bed and when waking up i hate myself for this i clearly don t have that much problem in life i don t have money problem i have friend i am healthy yet there are time where i just feel so crushed and it hurt so much to keep on living people have it muc worse and they are still doing so much better and i have trouble getting up in the morning and doing simple thing i don t have any hope to find happiness in the future my therapist try to help me and is very nice but it s just not enough i have felt like this for too long it just never end and not existing would just solve it all in the end we all end up dying i don t want to just continue living just to see what it s like i just want to end it sometimes yes it s selfish but i won t be conscious anymore to see myself be sad from my decision anyway yes there are thing that i like in life but honestly when i m in a bad state i don t care anymore i don t look forward to those thing and i just want a realease from the mental pain don t worry tho i don t have the gut to do anything anyway and i m not looking for help or advice i am just rambling and expressing how i m feeling because it make me feel a tiny bit better to let it all out if you read it all well thank you,1
let me explain if you have suicidal thought or behavior technically your not well mentally but if you do drug just time or just for experience it s not a big deal you won t be trapped down watched in a mental hospital taking medication or like abortion it s a woman s body and choice into abort a baby and we should respect their decision but what if a person is cutting or hurting themselves it s a problem even tho it s their decision into doing it but doctor and therapist say it s wrong and something is wrong with them mentally why,1
when i slit my wrist we will see it s a 0 0 at this point,1
for the past week or so i ve been what i can best describe a lonely maybe even despondent i ve been trying to find way to keep myself from having that hole in my chest form again but it keep happening it s so familiar and safe yet it seems to make me feel like i ll forever be alone and dead every memory of my childhood ha been flooding my brain i want it to stop i hate reliving those memory my body feel like it s caked in slime no matter how many time i shower and try to scrub away the feeling of hand on me i can t get them off me i just want them to stop touching me i don t know why i m feeling this way either i saw my friend i ve actually been trying to take care of myself but this feeling keep coming back and pulling down to a bottomless pit of hell i really want to feel better again not like this,1
tired of detail just going to get to the point i have attempted before and lately i ve been feeling like attempting again might try to think of a plan or talk myself out of it idk yet we ll see how life treat me the next few day,1
it s so stupid but my body ache i have never felt so sad before im so emotionally and physically drained i don t care about myself anymore i hate myself and the stupid relationship i wa in it ruined me all i want to do is take a bunch of pill and curl up into a ball i have no friend who i can talk to either im so lonely i don t talk to anyone and i feel so isolated and crazy who knew i would end up like this i feel ashamed i still have the suicide letter i wrote a year ago there s nothing i want to change about it,1
what if one day i just end it all and die then all my effort shall gone wasted those who care about me shall get angry about how i got defeated but everything will end on the day i die it s not hard to kill myself ya know just kill there are so many way i can do that what if i dont want to fight anymore fuck depression imma just give up what if i just let go and go self harm go deep in anorexia idk it s not that hard to let go my effort maybe someday ill die randomly it wont be surprising to anyone i ve been suicidal for so long who know if i just give in to an urge one day boom im dead haha maybe ill be dead by tomorrow maybe after a while maybe after a few week you ll never know you ll never know i ll kill and end it all,1
idk what to do i dont wan na live but i dont wan na live either wtf should i do,1
please don t judge me for what i do or how i m handling my current situation i don t have the capacity to get a job so i m a hooker and i barely get any client sadly i don t even make enough to eat i don t have a place of my own i give whatever i make to roommate so they can afford rent gas grocery etc i dreamed of being a mom and teacher since freshman year i wanted to attend university but my mom forced me out of school at and now i m almost 0 still no education no job nothing i know that this will probably be a rash decision but nobody will really care anyways i have no other way out i am just a street loser like my entire family and like my mom wanted me to be,1
my plan wa to be dead by the end of march i couldn t muster the courage to put the bag over my head and turn the valve so i m just stuck here now left sitting here by myself with all my friend cutoff no car no job no hope not gon na be able to cover my bill this month i m a fucking waste please someone come over here and blow my brain out,1
sorry about the structure being bad in this i just need to write down my thought i genuinely don t see the point in living anymore i might a well just kill myself now and save myself from the bleak future that is coming with climate change war famine and all this other stuff that is going to happen and show no sign of stopping i might a well just kill myself now before it all go horrible the only thing really keeping me from doing it is the thought of my family and how devastating it would be for them to lose their son i m still young i haven t got a guaranteed future what s the point,1
i have bi polar disorder and per my therapisti have dismisive atrachment issue but right now i am struggling probably worse than i have in a while in a drunken fit i deleted almost all of the number in my phone so i had no one to reach out to i even called by sister but found myself hanging up after the first ring because i don t want to bother her i am in a low point right now and i can t pull myself out of it i feel so weak my life is the best it ha ever been i have all of the reason to be happy and yet i am here i right now contemplating feeling like i am at the end of my rope i have the life i have always dreamed of and i just feel like i can t hack it anymore i can feel myself breaking at the seems my thought are everywhere i do y know where i am at right now but i am scared i feel like of i reach out to my family they will say i am doing it for attention,1
i just don t care anymore i don t care what happens anymore just fucking kill me i m done i don t have the will to do this anymore i realize no matter what i do my life will always get worse so i should just do it and get it over with i tried i waited year for it to get better but that s not going to happen my health is shit my mental health is shit and my mind just keep processing way to get the job done i wish i would have drowned asa child because than i wouldn t know this pain and i d have le to leave behind i would have at least had some level of hope before departing but life a bitch and then you die i know the end will come before the end of this year but now i m certain the timeline ha been moved up more like month maybe it will be today maybe tomorrow i don t know yet but i won t see because i have no desire to live that long i don t care anymore this whole world s a poorly written joke anyways where some will struggle till death and others will constantly have thing work out than the asshole will tell you oh it get better well i ve waited long enough and i m done playing this game i don t care anymore i know i have undiagnosed ptsd and i know who is responsible and that they ll never be punished i can barely even get people in my own family to believe me about the cause i m so tired of this world so tired of everything i have no use for a god so i can only ask of nature no matter what label i give it the request is the same please kill me and return me to the earth leaving behind not even a memory erase every trace of my existence and make everyone forget me that is my only wish at this point,1
it s almost funny i don t want you to feel like i m giving up i m just worried that you ll start to resent therapy or resent me,1
for context i m a yr old mom of two kid my daughter is and my son is month i have been struggling with all type of mental illness for a long a i can remember i wa raised by a narcissist alcoholic mom and a dad who wa barely there because he wa working to support u i have attempted to take my life more than time and have been hospitalized for my mental health and nothing seems to help i m in therapy and on med and i am just tired of fighting myself i just want it all to stop my husband is never really home do you work and i m all alone all the time with our kid the only reason i m still alive is because they need me not even because i want to be alive there is nothing enjoyable for me anymore every time i think about it i cry i cry for my kid who deserve a better mom and a better life i cry for my husband who doesn t understand what it s like to feel this way and think i should just be ok i cry because i want it all to end so badly and i can t even do that right i m not still here because i want to be and i feel so much guilt for that i just want to feel normal and sometimes it feel like dying is the only way to make it stop,1
i feel like wanting to die why do i not have friend i feel soo empty lonely i mean i do have a lot of people i talk to on a daily basis but for some reason i feel the need to always have someone almost all the time with me like if i stay alone for hour i feel lonely it is weird i just wish to be happy i don t want to kill myself,1
my imagination is not vivid enough to have faith in god spirit and the afterlife death will come no matter what and when it come your consciousness dissappears you don t feel pain you don t feel happiness you don t feel sadness you feel nothing and you think nothing you simply cease to exist but i respect those who want to live it s futile sure but i respect their decision the thing is if you want to live then you have to be strong in order to make it through all the hardship life throw at you weakling will only hinder the strong there are those who wa weak but then became stronger and then there are those like me who stay weak and doesn t have the will to get stronger my friend my family my relative and my neighbor all do their job despite not really liking them while i m just lying here not wanting to do anything if god actually existed he would be a sadist for putting me in such a strong body i once eat on the same table with two covid 9 patient without catching it or maybe he s also a weakling who can never get thing right my body should ve been used by someone stronger than me like steven hawking then i would kill myself once our body got exchanged he is someone who can actually contribute to the world of the living my death would be that by hanging once i m dead all people have to do is untie the rope and throw me into the fire they won t have to waste time finding my body they won t have to scrape my brain and blood off the wall and i will make sure to write a note telling the police that i have not been murdered by anyone directly or indirectly everyone will go on with their life and maybe forget who i am which is definitely a good thing those thought are like an immortal entity i can do nothing but run away from it by distracting myself with anime meme game novel music self harm that entity however would simply sit down and wait patiently because it know full well that no matter what i do i would still stumble into it hand,1
i just can t take it i didn t even have serious trauma it wa my fault and still i can t get over it it s been three year i said i forgave him for forcing me to have sex so many time so many month so many thing i wa young i didn t know how sex should work i didn t even consider my voice mattered i m so sorry for my younger self i didn t help her and now everything is my fault i just will never be able to love someone again to have any sexual intimacy i miss who i wa romantic passionate innocent i m just starting to realize how everything i do is related to this how can i be so slow the nightmare the panic attack when i feel my voice isn t listened to how i keep getting drunk and letting some random dude fuck me because it give them pleasure if i start it maybe it mean i am in control if i have sex maybe it mean it wasn t such a big deal but i can t take it sober i have only had sex sober once and drunk way too many i hurt so much the day after i try to forget can t take it anymore i can t forget all these people touching me how much they enjoy it i did this myself i let them i wa never raped it s my fault i m this miserable i want to hate those guy i think i do but i let them some people consider they only lost their virginity the first time they actually wanted to have sex it s funny to think i can be a virgin after so many time no one need to read this i m sorry i just need to say it at least once i can never say it up to recently i didn t even believe anything had happened i know i don t deserve any sympathy after how i did this myself i don t need any just hear me out,1
this is it i m sorry but i can t do this anymore i m tired and alone and i used up my resource to help me survive but it s over now i know my ex will be happier without me around and i know he will take care of our cat a i would it s going to suck not being alive anymore but i m done struggling to breathe i m exhausted i m bled dry i hope my friend and family can forgive me,1
i am a late 0 s man in canada i have discovered i am bisexual my friend and family would be shocked i have always been with woman my whole life until last weekend i wa helping a coworker and his wife move we were finished and i needed to use the bathroom before i left when i came out they asked me straight out if i wanted to have sex with them i wa taken aback for sure but i felt my fantasy wa coming true it wa a wondeful experince never had a man give me oral sex before and i returned the favou http favour no r now i feel like my friend and family will reject me and i feel i should just end my life and aviod the hassle my http hassle my life is worthless and i feel after this happened i am done,1
is it somewhat normal that i want to attempt suicide just to prove to myself that i m actually depressed and suicidal and that i m brave and not a coward sometimes i don t think i m even depressed and that i m just feeling very lonely and numb sometimes i feel like i need to do very dangerous thing so that i don t feel weak and like a failure since people much younger than me commit suicide all the time,1
y male so for the last couple of year i ve been sad depressed at first not too bad like just gloomy but progressively stronger but maybe for the last maybe year to year and a half it s gotten pretty dark everything seems meaningless for a little back ground i m in a very healthy relationship my relationship with my parent wa pretty good for the most part up until recently but everything s o k just regular petty thing i grew up an only child spent allot of time alone parent worked day allot love them for it so i ve gotten pretty good at hiding most of anything that s going on all smile and small talk but recently i get this deep deep sadness it almost feel like i m in a vast dark room by myself screaming but it s silent and then i think of a bliss darkness like if only i could keep my eye shut it ll all go away when i feel like this i hide in a dark room usually cry i don t really know why i didn t proof read this i ve never told any one these thing and i feel like if i read it back i m gon na back out and erase it so sorry if it s all messed up,1
i married my fianc from another nationality and moved to his country south korea i ve been here for almost three month and thing have been rough my husband work all day at least 0 hour a day and when he ha free time all we do is fight he s even violent sometimes i am an online teacher and he keep my money he doesn t allow me to get a real job until i learn korean but i am struggling with it i spent all my saving to move in here so literally i have no money we live with his parent and they are nice but at the same time overprotective i don t have freedom to go out they tell me what to eat what to wear they take all the decision in my life i feel controlled and my husband agrees with that also i don t have any friend i don t feel loved by my husband and i don t love him anymore even one of his friend treat me better i am completely alone i told my parent i want to go back home and they said i have to fight for my marriage so no support from them or another family member i think my only way to feel free is dying so i don t know if i can handle this situation anymore,1
i d rather not exist,1
i m so tired of living today i had a lot of panic attack at school and my mom had to come for me hour before the school period ended i feel so worthless today i had a lot class who stress me so much i hate it so much i m tired of living and trying because yes dad i m trying i swear i m trying if only you were more comprehensive and stopped calling me a crybaby and stupid maybe i would feel better,1
so the next fall is deeper and harder to bear each time there s one little glimmer of hope i know that it s ephemeral and could be gone the next day but i can t stop myself from getting lost in it thinking maybe this time it could be real for a while and some time it doe lurking there for a while like just right then but when it s lost it s going down ten time worse than the last and the anxious and unbearable state i m in is urging me to destroy myself even more it s like being locked inside a transparent box full of insect and reptile crawling over me it s slowburn and icky and suffocating i just want to bite my tongue off quick to release myself from the situation but i m still scared of the monstrous pain that act would cause me and if i m not dead immediately it s grotesque i made a first post here a while ago just to let it out i don t think anyone would care but i got called a very nasty stupid word like i m always afraid would happen if i even complain in real life so i don t even want to talk about it right now i just can t take any more anxiety i don t even want to think about it and write them down anyway same shit all over again why don t i get used to it when it keep happening am i that weak it s like how dare you have depression and suicidal attempt if your life look like you re having a fucking blast believe me it s all a big facade i m putting up so i could delay the speed of this horrible decay inside me to feel a bit bearable to last one more day but nowadays i just stop giving a fuck and destroy everything in my life and lock myself inside my room i use humor and shit to cope so i think at least there s one good thing coming from this right now is that i couldn t eat a thing so i m getting thinner to bone and skin like i always wish and if i die right now i could look prettier than ever before i m glad you read until now and i do appreciate that it make me feel a bit bearable for now my anxiety level keep shooting through the roof i just try really really hard to not harm myself and fall to the pit again,1
i have no one to tell this so i want to throw it here maybe i will delete it my mind kill me but i just wanted to let some guy see what i struggle with my entire life i wa a disgrace i am not able to run like others to shitty reflex an ugly body a weak brain had a terrible social life that my entire life i dreamed about being noticed by the people smiling finding some people that can bear my voice what flow from my mouth but thats the long story i wanted to move out of my country to europe but i failed again just like i failed my entire life i am just a simple failure not successful at one simple thing i am just lost i am just late no where to go i have to leave the home i am losing my youth i don t remember laughing once for month i have nothing i am nothing it hurt so much watching your youth slipping away from your hand the only thing i have one and only now i want to end my life atleast it will al end i just want to escape i am just so weak i cant take it anymore i cant a weak sperm i wa not even able to compete in equal condition when were same age same class now i am just done it hurt so much i also have to leave the house stay with nothing again i cant take my abusive parent anymore i am also very ashamed that i waste their money too many people in worse condition were able to accomplish atleast simple task me who even i am i wish i just could move on think about something else but no even in that i am bad i am just a clown people remember me a someone hillarious i am planning to kill myself i cant take all that anymore,1
ironically my fear of loneliness is what kill my healthiest friendship in the end i love the world so much i really do enjoy being alive sometimes but it s not worth the time when i feel like everything is crashing down on me that s been every day lately on and off for year my greatest fear is being a burden on other people and i m a burden on everyone i know i ve had bad patch before and thing got better but knowing there will be a bad patch again make the joy feel empty i m so stupid i am trying to arrange thing so they hurt everyone a little a possible i know this will hurt many people i love i feel like such an evil person i cry too much i m cry writing this i wish i wa stronger and not so afraid all the time,1
i thought i would kill myself but i freed myself instead i went to a crisis center now i am taking a stand and speaking my truth i am telling everybody about the abuse i suffered a a child my entire family is against me but i am standing strong anyway god made me unbreakable and all of you too you just have to find a way to believe believing in myself wa the hardest thing i had to learn how to do but it can be done and i love you all,1
lasy year or so i ve been telling myself i dont know what to do i stopped playing video game i stopped watching youtube i stopped watching netflix i just play random phone game that isnt me i ve literally thought about how cult kinda give people reason im smart enough to not join a cult will i always have the will though im losing it daily i want reason i dont have reason no reason at all to do anything i have a job it isnt nice i want to quit i want reason,1
after these few day i ve slowly started to realize something i m a living bad omen i have so many issue i m so mentally ill so many disability my life ha never been the slightest bit normal nothing is ever easy i m stuck in an asian household i m probably gon na forcefully get married be a housewife and get forced to have child i m not even a woman but this is a very religious country that belief what you are is what gender your assigned at birth i did fall in love really hard but he s across the world from me his mom hate me and everyone is against our relationship and i m causing him more harm than anything and he keep trying regardless to be with me i hate that i feel so bad because i m not worth it and it s not going to amount to anything these few day proved to me that i just have to accept that my life wa meant to be a misery so many problem so many illness cant even go to school i ve already attempted today didn t work i wasn t strong enough so now i m just injured i ve got absolutely nothing going for me i m just wasting my parent money for food and clothes they just wanted a normal kid who can make them proud i can t even leave the fucking house i can barely even see god decided to give me every single bit of ugliness there is in the world and i m slowly starting to accept that i wa rebelling against it for awhile i can still amount to something the world can t hate me forever but i know it isn t true i wish i could pas in my sleep or be able to get a noose to tie on my ceiling fan waking up every day is an absolute misery for me and i m just causing more pain to everything and everyone around me imagine living a life where you can t even look in the mirror that s me i have never once willingly looked in the mirror god won t give me anything and i ve stopped expecting anything at this point death is my only savior because life hold nothing for me only failure hatred instability and vulnerability,1
i now think about suicide constantly i feel like it is my only option in the long term i will never finish school and be able to hold down a job i will never be able to be stable enough to give my wife child i can t live up to anything anyone expects of me i am stuck though my death would be a catastrophe in my wife s life and my brother s life and i have a few friend who would be devastated a well also and i really hate to say this but the biggest reason i can t is because i can t leave my dog with anyone else he is very attached to me and no one else and would be very unhappy without me so i am stuck i can t function despite 0 year of trying medication and therapy i have no will to live except not to hurt people around me i hate this,1
there s just so much and i can t bear all of it and god there s the dumb bullshit that hurt me too like being ugly horrifyingly utterly hideous i get disgusted and want to vomit or scream whenever i look at myself in the mirror i just want to press a button and die,1
i wish i could just be normal and happy i have no friend and can t work i am just so tired of everything constant letdown and failure i cry and throw up over the littlest thing i barely even go out anymore cause when i do i see group of friend laughing and talking people will never understand,1
this so called life changing drug ruined my life permanently it gave me permanent sexual issue some sort of emotional issue there seems to be no recovery from this ive never been like this before i only had anxiety it a syndrome called pssd from ssri whats hope amp x 00b amp x 00b,1
i am so alone in this world and it is such a pain it s so hard for me to function properly it seems everything is a trigger to me now loud noise well any noise being around people talking everything make me want to relapse im gaining weight which ha never happened i m so ashamed and embarrassed yesterday i ate so much i couldn t even stand up straight and had terrible stomach cramp and felt like vomiting i even started to have chest pain too whether i eat or starve myself it seems i am still digging myself into a grave so tired of people asking me if i m in college and then telling me i need to go when i respond no i am not in college why do people feel entitled to tell me who to be and what to do with my stupid fucking life i can t even take care of myself how the hell am i supposed to balance a job and college im sick i have nobody that love me and i believe that s part of the problem the thing i hate the most is when i hear others talk about how they are lonely too meanwhile they have friend and a family to turn to i m so sick and tired of people lying to me i can t believe this is the best life ha to offer me i m so embarrassed my life wa over such a long time ago if i killed myself now there would be no big difference everything and everyone will go on,1
i broke up with my so and honestly i think that wa the last thing keeping me from wanting to end thing and it felt like it came out of nowhere without even a chance to fix thing i feel so alone i barely have any friend left everyone from high school moved on everyone from college moved away i ve always had trouble with friend and every time i think i make them they get stripped away or i just become a periphery friend who never get added to the group chat i feel incapable of functioning a a normal human and i can t handle being alone my job is remote so i can t even make work friend i can t be completely by myself day a week it feel like solitary confinement i got an adhd diagnosis recently but my therapist doesn t even talk about my emotional issue they just focus on if the medication is helpful it is i don t know how to ask for help with anxiety and depression my family ha been distant and i don t know how to talk to them about this stuff my mental health always got ignored growing up compared to other member of my family even though the adhd stuff wa super clear in retrospect because of the adhd i ended up a shell of myself a a coping mechanism and that drive people away every relationship end badly or shrivels up and dy i m failing at my job and might have to quit or get fired because i m week behind my pet is dying i didn t renew my lease because i thought i d be moving with my ex to a new city so now i don t even have an apartment for the fall and potentially am still moving there because i need to get away from where i am right now and i have a lease i could sign which is definitely not the healthiest choice and there s some really bad trauma that i don t even want to mention here that alone could drive someone to feeling like this when i told my ex how i wa feeling they ignored it even though they were the first person i ever told i felt that way i ll make sure to tell them it isn t their fault but to be honest it definitely added to thing i don t even need them back i just wanted someone to help me get the therapy i need literally everything in my life need to start fresh and i can t do it i don t see the point why start literally everything over when you re haunted by the ghost of your past and will end up doing the same shit i m not ugly dumb or out of shape but if my personality just stay so shitty and i can t fix it what s the point my building ha a th story roof i can get on i m gon na climb up and jump off when i get the courage i have some text already written out telling people it isn t their fault i set my bank up to donate to a local animal shelter i cleared my browsing history and threw out anything weird from my apartment i went up last night but only didn t do it because i got cold the only thing stopping me is how awkward the funeral would be and the pain i d cause my parent and honestly i don t think that s enough,1
i can t take my ocd and thing i ve done like played virtual game and had a male friend i feel like a terrible girlfriend also i can t take living here with my parent at almost year old they re abusive mentally but they re right i m never gon na make it in life,1
i ll have all the equipment by thursday i ve worked out how much rent to send my flatmate to cover a couple month i m getting rid of my clothes by the end of the week i ve written some letter and am going to print out a sheet of my important detail i m dreading it so much but i also can t wait time feel so slow and agonising and every time i fall asleep i think what a waste it is to be unconscious and not die in that comfort i don t feel like anyone will miss me but the hard part is i don t want anyone to have to deal with any admin i don t want anyone to have to plan anything it ll be good to go but i hate the fact that someone will have to clean after me i wish i could just disappear instead life is really hard and i don t know how people do it i never understood how people make friend or fall in love or make other people like them i watch people learn to hate me and i don t know what i m doing wrong or how to stop it i ve been alone for my life even my parent didn t want me and i ll be alone for the rest of it if i stay alive i wish i had something good to offer that people liked but i don t know what anyone want or how to give it to them i don t know what they hate either apparently because i m giving them that without even realising,1
my life is essentially perfect i have a good family great friend loving pet and a fantastic home with opportunity galore but i still want to end it all to take that trip down a road that i can t come back from in theory i should not be sad but i am and nothing help people in this world starve to death and some of my friend don t even have parent left because of terrible accident but something a simple a having a slightly bad day make me want to give up how do they keep going after such awful event i am not even worthy of feeling sad about my life let alone end it why do i feel selfish enough to feel this way and to act a if i should be allowed to be depressed,1
i want to hurt myself to feel the suffer and hate towards myself for the pain i want to cry so hard i choke and get one of the worst death i want to regret when it s to late so it could hunt me down when i m dying i despise myself and want the worste for me but since i m too pathetic i will not do it also i feel like the only way to see a psychiatric is to survive death i want a dig i want more med i want stronger one,1
i am just a kid with a deformity i am in such constant misery i have no friend and i dont even feel human all i do is get made fun of and i cant take it anymore i just want to end it,1
i feel so lonely and empty nothing fill that hole i have to live in a fantasy in my head to try and get some love and appreciation but a soon a i come back to reality all of it is gone i want this life to end i can t take it anymore,1
age nojob sleeping thinking of suicide,1
feel so alone and alienated i think about hanging myself everyday and it s getting more realistic everytime i imagine it in my head i ve never been the type of person to turn to suicide but i literally have nobody i can turn to and talk to every single person i thought would be there turned out to be selfish self centered people and i ve expressed my thought about suicide and none of them care i feel like they won t until it s too late and even then they will feel relieved i don t even ask for much but i guess just being there while i fix myself is just asking too much i ve googled suicide by hanging and found out it only take seven minute to die by hanging don t even have to do it standing up either i could take a couple pill and put the noose around my neck and lay down with enough pressure on the rope to drift off to whatever is next and all i wanted wa for someone to say that my feeling matter that i matter i don t really think at this point there is any other way to stop all the hurt inside me i ve lost everything in the last year and a half that i hold near and dear to my heart i ve wrote out suicide letter to my loved one and got my retirement account going to them a well i guess subconsciously i ve been planning this out for close to a year now that i think about it i just don t understand how i didn t see how fake the people i surrounded myself and built a foundation for my life l i feel stupid and blind and used up and tossed out like yesterday trash i feel like nowhere is home anymore and my heart break for my kid but i rarely get to see them anyway who know maybe i ll actually get the ball and just do it haven t set a date or anything like that because fuck that i feel it is going to be very sudden and out of nowhere just here one minute and gone the next i never in my whole life though i would get to this point but whatever thanks for listening i appreciate whoever read this post taking the time,1
all my colleague hate me im just so clumy and stupid spilt a bunch of milk on the floor second time this ha happened and it went on my colleague shoe and she made a sarcastic comment about it and then her and the other guy i work with were looking like they were talking about me afterwards i cant do anything right this and everything else thats going on really is not helping the suicidal thought,1
please help me i don t want to kill myself but the world ha nothing to offer me nothing that s making me want to keep going i m terrified of death but i don t know if that s reason enough to keep going if i m going to die anyway maybe i should speed up the process already save the world the trouble because the world clearly doesn t want me i m not even a real girl i m ugly and i m not good enough at anything everybody else is so much better than me people would rather be with each other instead of me i m so forgettable but i don t want to be death is permanent isolation permanent darkness permanent loneliness and that s not what i want but i don t think me being alive is what the world want i feel like i m always the last person anybody would ever want to see at any given moment i don t want it to be that way but everybody else doe i ve tried so hard to find reason to keep going they never work they never last people leave me behind everything stop being fun people stop playing with me i m excluded from everything i m not good enough to make it in this world everything about me is wrong nothing i do is good enough i want to keep going but i have no reason to do so nobody is waiting for me nobody is coming to rescue me i have nothing why should i keep going if i m going to die anyways i m begging you for an answer because i have none,1
i m thinking about killing myself since i m almost did it time and had multiple breakdown the last year i m now and nothing changed but i want to get better how do i tell my parent i really need some advice please,1
i don t mean just dating wise either i ve been rejected by my family friend and pretty much everyone else last month though i went out with a girl for v day and started dating her and very recently she said she wasn t interested in me anymore and today i found out she wa already dating another person this is the second time in a row i ve been cheated on and my suicidal thought are going crazy now i just need to type this out to calm myself down i hate this i just want someone to truly love me for once whether friend or family it feel like my whole existence wa just a mistake my life suck and i just want to die right now fuck,1
i can t do shit at this point i m spending all of my time desperately trying to find somebody who would be slightly interested in me i m really only living off my hope and scrap of imaginary satisfaction thinking that one person might be liking me for example i m so done living like this why should my biggest need also be the least satisfiable what do i do with my life,1
why the absolute f ck is this world so f cked up every single day i see a bunch of fake as people and a shitty world nobody give a f ck about anyones feeling they just say whatever make them look cool perants don t give a shit because they didn t live with this friend or suppose to be friend are fake and don t give a shit i m the guy who walk in the back of the crowd when there s not enough room on sidewalk and i m done with this shit f ck the world f cl everyone who had made me who i am i hope you re happy,1
all the title are relateable but all the comment are like same life suck i m currently writing my note this is just another stop before the end though i seriously doubt there is anything that can be done i ve tried every medical treatment available including experimental one been through so much therapy and i m getting nowhere there is no beating this depression and on paper i have the perfect life great job loving partner supportive parent people would kill for this life and for me it s not enough the problem is me always been me which is why nobody outside can help you can t fix what is working a intended so yeah nobody is here to actually prevent so i guess that s another note they could find after i m done,1
i m m and i now have no one i can trust i don t know if my life is even worth living i don t know what i want to do with my life i just don t want to be here anymore but i can bc of my dad he would miss me to much i m a awful person and should be around anymore,1
i had never even thought of suicide before because i wa too shielded from the real world and i thought that it something people do only in the most horrible situation it started when i wa at school speaking to a kid i knew only because she wa a friend of a friend we we re laughing about something when i saw the scar on her hand which couldn t have happened naturally it freaked me out to see that a kid my age with a similar background would resort to self harm and attempt suicide then i started failing in test each time i felt really low i came closer and closer to killing myself i now know how to tie a noose and what height i need to jump from in order to die at this rate i won t survive till my th birthday,1
i ve lost everything i lost my best friend a community of people who were my only social outlet i m a failure i m i ve never been in a relationship i couldn t graduate college i m stuck working at a job which doesn t pay enough for me to afford rent so i have to live with my retirement age parent i can t find a job anywhere else i started cutting myself today never did it a a teenager but i did it now and it feel great i don t want to die but i don t see any other solution i can not afford help to me being in debt is worse than death i ve lost so much i can t go on,1
i don t know what i deserve anymore but i guess it s all about the pain,1
i m so sick of being in a state of breakdown and every hotline i call treat me like dogshit hang up on me like nobody fucking care and i can t take rejection after rejection after fucking rejection when nobody s ever accepted me for who i am or loved me even once all i ever do is fuck up and nobody forgives even my tiny mistake they all fucking hate me and i m sick of everyone being disgusting or selfish little slimebags get a fucking life and fuck off and quit making mine worse just because you aren t shit i can t take it i really can t take it i mean really i wa beaten nearly to death and i get hotline idiot telling me to be quiet and quit cursing like fuck you fuck you to the bastard death you useless asshole doe anyone have a shred of empathy i don t give a fuck i just wish someone gave a shit,1
very recently my life ha been treating me absolutely horribly and i haven t been able to see anyone i ve loved or my irl crush for a week and a half now and it driving me insane because i just want to see them and i ve done nothing but sit in my room in bed and die for a week straight and i can t leave my house because i have covid btw it like i get to watch everyone else in my life go on and do the thing they ve wanted to while i m stuck in bed trying to take my life or just sleep but it never work and it never help my back ha been hurting for the longest time and i don t know if it normal or not but i can t seem to stand up straight and when i do it hurt and it hurt to walk i just want to sleep and do nothing else,1
i had a chick year ago a baby chicken to be exact im in the middle of mental life family probs that time i dont want to talk about it long story short when i wa a split second away from jumping off the chair i heard my chick chirping so loud and i rethought my decision that day my chicken died last year but leaf me some egg now i own a poultry farm dedicated to her name thank you so much chichi,1
i feel like i can t believe i m really going to do it i ll do trial run before to see how it go but i m relieved in a way and terrified in another way,1
why am i always suicidal,1
hello guy first time posting here i hope everyone is doing alright at this time i just found out my friend ha committed suicide a year ago first let me give some background my friend is such a gentle loving soul and very devoted to his religion jehovah s witness he is not the most social person around bit awkward and also had plenty of issue in the past mentally due to a rough upbringing we were good friend he d always give me encouragement and just be there for me for anything i wa cut off from the religion due to myself realizing and developing my own belief i don t have a grudge towards the religion or anything like that despite being cut off and not being able to socialize with anyone from that religion cu it s the rule also i felt awkward and embarrassed that i am cut off therefore i did not have the courage to face my friend a year passed i m on a skiing trip with my brother i asked how my friend is doing since he sometimes still go to their church so i figured he d know something he told me he passed away a year so from suicide i am shocked from the news i can t seem to comprehend or accept the fact he seemed to be very devoted to his faith and committing suicide is one of the thing that are forbidden also i feel like trash for being a horrible friend and not even checking in on him at all or at least tried to due to my insecurity my mind ha been in shamble i don t know how to make amends i don t know if i can see the parent they d just be like so now you care where were you thr whole time etc etc i wa hoping to visit his grave but he wa cremated and ash were spread somewhere now all i can think of is his obit picture smiling but i can see there s so much hurt inside that broken smile,1
i have been having really strong thought about killing myself the last month especially the last three day i don t think i want to die but i don t want to be here anymore i m really scared i have a little boy and i can t leave him alone but i feel like i can t go on like this i suck at everything my job my life being a mother i m in debt i feel like noone care i can t see a way out i m scared,1
i can t do it anymore i don t want to talk to anyone because i keep backtracking myself into thinking i m over exaggerating i have no social skill constantly feel like everyone around me would be better off without me better yet everyone but my parent wouldn t notice they ll hurt the most and that s what i hate so much i wish i could just not wake up tomorrow and not feel like this again i m tired of everything school is shit i want to make them proud but i just cant,1
i lost a coworker to suicide i wa the last person he talked to at work i wonder if that ha made me think about ending it after what happened a i explained in my post about me be bisexual the leap to this mind set did not seem a far any comment would be good it http good it feel so scary bein g in this mindest,1
there is no real deep rooted reason i want to commit suicide i just feel so blah my life feel meaningless i keep seeing myself make the same mistake i feel trapped in a cycle i keep wondering when will i ever gain self control with money and time when will i ever let go of the past when will i ever grow up i do indeed have the mean to do it but i don t fully have the incentive,1
gon na probably be really long im sorry since saturday i have a really horrible fucking mood i can not explain tomorrow i have to study chemistry i have a test on friday go to my therapist which make me cry so fucking hard and is probably one of the major reason why i want to end myself the thing is i cant fucking do it im too scared of death but i feel like i just cant escape i just want to be fucking normal my problem are fucking bizzare and they ruin my whole life but yeah i wan na keep them to myself and wait but then i feel like my whole life ruined but i cant km it just all so fucked up and idk what to do i also have no friend and no way of finding any so that just make it worse in the end im just so fucking confused idk what to do thanks for reading this if anyone did ig,1
i posted on the self harm sub a to why you can just look at my profile and you ll see it amp x 00b have a great day everyone,1
i cant eat over 00 calorie ori feel horrible and i lost kg in a few week but my parent didnt notice until recently now they scream at me wheneber i dont eat and threaten to kill me and throw sfuff at me im sitting in a cornee cry afzer my dad threw his bag at me and called me a disgusting skinny bitch my mom is now saying she ha arrhythmia because of my made up problem i have mo one to talk to i have no friend and feel like just killing myself,1
i am so low on energy that i don t even have word enough for this post i can not finish grad school and the job i m qualified to do i hate it i also can not talk frankly with anybody now given that i have suicidal tendency right now and that sound like emotional blackmail to everyone else if i express my wish also if i were to continue living it would be an embarrassment living a that middle aged woman who wanted to khs i m tired i don t want to fake anymore and i don t think i m even good at faking it either people can tell this is a sad loser,1
why should i live i m gon na die anyways and i ve tried everything to be happy hobby job everything seems menial not to mention literally no one love me my friend have left me since i couldn t open out my shell and my family and extended family are abusive the only side that wasn t my uncle died year back it s hard to swallow but literally no one care if i did death doesn t even scare me it s just a eternal sleep that ll come and snatch me anyways so why bother and i mean this genuinely those around me seem so pleased but it just don t feel the same therapy and all just doesn t cut it and med only get me high,1
it ha almost been month since i lost my nephew more like my brother though i wa at the time and he wa he wa the person that meant the absolute most to me we have both struggled with suicide our entire life i used to be a very emotional and empathetic person and i tried to make everyone happy i am no longer that in fact in the past year leading up to the event i had slowly lost my emotion empathy my ambition and pretty much everything that make a human human but when it happened i lost everything i wa and am no longer the person i wa i want to be happy again i want to care about people i want to care about music again i want to care about car again i want my hobby back most of all i want him back and what we had we were the same person our emotion the way we thought our diet everything affected our body the same way we thought about thing the exact same way our reaction were the same the thing we loved were the same for the most part our depression wa the same the thing that haunted u were the same the thing we were scared of were the same we were the same person i don t really know how to go on without him i have people that care about me but it doesn t matter they aren t him i don t even know why i m writing this this won t change anything i just wa listening to music he used to love and i wa finally able to cry a bit it s gone now though my feeling are gone again my life feel fake now,1
yep at the age of le than i m already considering suicide i ve been depressed for about a year or two already and i ve thought about km but it wa always just that a thought until about a month ago maybe two month i thought about my life seriously and i realised there were extremely few thing that made me happy happy enough to keep me alive that is i decided that it might just be better without me in the equation i ve been obsessing over it and i just don t know why i have a good few reason to do it but i don t know why i keep thinking about it all the time i don t even know why i m telling y all this but i just am,1
i have no friend that i enjoy spending time with i m about to go through my second messy breakup in the past two year the last of which got me diagnosed with ptsd my family ha done nothing but ignore me emotionally for my entire life and i fucking want out i m live with my parent because i m a minor and have lived in the country very far away from people for year now i don t really have any dream or ambition and i have had depression and anxiety for a long a i can remember i m tired of everything and i just want it to stop i m behind in schoolwork and i m just recovering from an antidepressant that worsened my feeling my school is online and i don t really have any option to interact with people other than my parent now that my partner is breaking up with me nothing really brings me happiness and i just feel like there s nothing i m going to do in life i don t want to go to college or really be successful all i really want to do is to find love but i m not even sure if that s a good ambition anymore especially since no one would actually stay with me i don t know what to do anymore,1
so i prepared everything to just end it all cause i no longer see a future for myself i literally lost all meaning in my life and i just have no idea why i live anymore everything just feel empty and i just want it to end i guess but idk why i m even writing this i guess i might want to be helped but it just feel so empty my family doesn t even have an idea that i sh i just want someone to notice to care please,1
i don t want to exist anymore the thought of death ha brought me a lot of peace for a while now i have friend who are incredibly important to me i love them greatly and i know that they will be perfectly fine without me i accepted my suicidal urge a few month ago and talked to them about it i don t want them to feel any form of guilt when i finally get to go and so i m trying to preemptively minimise that a much a possible i promised them each individually that i would at the very least get in touch with one of them before doing anything to give them a chance to talk to me i have even started going to therapy and promised myself that i would go for a minimum of session with a therapist whom i am comfortable with i also made myself a bucket list the whole point of it all is so that when i m gone they won t feel like they could have done more i don t want them to blame themselves for my decision i don t belong here i long for non existence it s got nothing to do with them and they shouldn t have to suffer because of me some day like today i struggle i just want to go i don t want to finish my therapy i don t want to finish my bucket list i don t want to call them i just want to be forgotten i think i m on the tail end of today spiral and i haven t sh today either which is a win i guess i just needed to write this out,1
anyone else having awful war anxiety if so how are you managing i like near a base so basically my situation is i m f ckef if putin decides to bomb it any advice or well word are helpful i just need to calm myself about this ww stuff please,1
i m so tired all the time in the physical mental and emotional sense all the time day go by doing nothing tired day of overexertion tired and sleep deprived the constant headache and facial pain doesn t help i feel like my tolerance to people is so low that i cry after i go outside my house or even more pathetically after when someone enters my room i don t know what s wrong with me nobody belief it you re so young how are you tired you need to toughen up the lab came back normal there s nothing wrong with you they don t know that every time i have to hold up this act the effect grows more and more devastating i don t blame them for it honestly i ve put up this act for such a long time that i don t think anybody really know who i am a a person i ve only allowed them to see the good side and whenever the bad side inevitably creep to the surface it inevitably end up being anticlimactically and severely misunderstood my mother try to string me along in vacation that end up draining me significantly and then she wonder why i sleep for hour every day a week after i ve given up the thing i like and i m passionate about because i feel too restless and tired to carry out anything towards a meaningful level jobless living with parent and on the cusp of a breakdown but nothing and no one that can help every night i hope i die in my sleep,1
my biggest emotion is anxiety i can t deal with it anymore i tried gettibg help even medicine for it but no help the pit in my stomach every single day constantly restless can t sleep well or eat well can t function at time if i didn t die from heart issue due to constant anxiety and stress i will end up killing myself just to feel some peace,1
all abrosexual demigirls with depression are witty,1
all i know is i ve been saying for year a a pisces stell amp h jupiter that i ll be more successful during a great depression 0 which is honestly embarrassing but also been preparing since elementary so uhm u know it be,1
the back road a tweet on depression in le than 0 character http t co hi oucfa m,1
go commit depression,1
beautiful but someone in your gender say she s going into depression because her mom wore her nike shoe without informing her,1
living at home rent free depression extra free,1
how do y all cope with depression,1
royroycfc lfcbbc within three tweet you have exhibited of the stage of grief it s okay i can provide a helpline before you enter the depression stage if you want,1
fenrirclemo unfortunately that ain t how anxiety work though just telling people just do it is kinda like telling people with depression just be happy it take alot of work and i m proud of how far he s come even with his stream he far more himself than he used to be,1
garygensler secgov aarp finra fordhamlawnyc miamilawschool gary people don t care what they want is clarity on crypto the howie test is outdated and became precedent in an era before the internet even existed let alone the blockchain the sec continues to behave like we have just come out the great depression stifling innovation,1
depression level 000000000,1
pem pem quite frequent and sometimes much more intense than mine but it look that the only important thing for me is to alleviate my depression symptom whatever the consequence,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co ez mwwwtqf,1
be alone btw it toxic and end up in depression from where i see,1
lil bean always monkey hugging mama mama in her favorite hoodie finding comfort where we can from the pain and depression respectively we re okay and we re also a goddamn mess http t co jflyzoigh9,1
hi guy pls who know how to overcome depression i m dying slowly,1
it s also crucial the scenarist address in depth from a psychological point of view theme that have been introduced throughout the story abandonment of biological parent of the partner amp family depression social pressure abusgul dergecerim ferayegizemkurt kaderiminoyunu,1
the n0nesuch oneman official buildersanmi etubolion my sisterrrrrr if na depression he enter nko make god no make trailer jam u,1
seasonal depression is truly over,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co xmcyd9qygc,1
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nototyrannynow a stagflationary prolonged recession or a hyperinflationary then deflationary depression,1
retour de la d pression et de id e qui vont avec mais je d couvre aujourd hui an apr s sa sortie qu il existe un morceau de massive attack avec damon albarn et il est videmment magnifique alors a va pa si mal http t co jjgymx ood,1
depression fucking suck man,1
literally and the depression that come before,1
depression wont find me anymore http t co mj w9psbln,1
i never really sure how to approach someone who s obviously going through a depression but act like everything is normal because they re not sure how or what to do in that situation,1
strategywoman i am from denmark child of hungarian refugee born here i wa not sleeping well for day after february so i started following all kind of tweeps to get more information if i wa not sick with stress and depression i would be at the border in poland helping,1
spending more time outdoors can decrease your chance of depression quote fb http t co hijckgl0hm ig http t co sv h ne b http t co fw c9hg 9m,1
funguyzz if you no find this guy dope and funny abeeg you never chop since yesterday or depression hook you plane just stop for air when no be say na magnito be pilot,1
thogden every other year supporting norwich one good year in the championship then pure depression in the premier league,1
ith her now he is going through double depression because of the above mentioned incident because the misunderstanding somehow never get cleared so to get over all this he decides to focus on basketball which he is talented in the basketball club s manager fall in love w,1
and after that yukito go through depression which his childhood friend failed to notice she think that he isn t interested in her and to gain his attention she make another guy her boyfriend to make yukito jealous but yukito misunderstands and break all his relationship w,1
when the seasonal depression finally fuck off and life is enjoyable again gt gt gt,1
a serait cool si notre soci t s int ressait beaucoup plus sur la psychologie ex le cause de malady mentales d pression trouble bipolaires ect l anatomie du corp humain ex le diff rences du d veloppement sexuelle http t co b tvixyi d,1
i wa at the peak of my depression during lockdown level yoh,1
pogba ran out hair dye and suddenly remembers that he is a football player now he is playing the depression card doing what twitter feminist doe best,1
auraglyphix high always seem to followed by low long a you climb back from it there s nothing wrong with letting some depression out,1
theekween vhulivhadza help people forget unpleasant event such a depression anxiety loss of a loved one heartbreak and any traumatic event thelmasherbs,1
neymar messi et pogba ont fini en d pression le ravage du foot business,1
unc bruno saula tobiloba una get am bruh will jus b like we meeuve while some lady fit hit depression straight,1
me to my husband after reading cpt depression s tweet about life with a newborn http t co h cjpeqgu,1
good morning dear family i wish you a great day good humor is a tonic for mind and body it is the best antidote for anxiety and depression it lightens human burden it is the direct route to serenity and contentment grenville kleiser http t co zdi0 0 evc,1
ezuiequotes it s a constant positive mental attitude a way of looking on the bright side of a situation to carry with you an ideal of helping others if possible to do one s best in not falling into doubt or depression a sunny disposition is a discipline,1
my anxiety is high and my depression is bad tonight because i screwed up and didn t take my medication on schedule trying to focus on my happy place while snuggling with magic and surfing reddit i know i complain a lot about my anxiety and depression but this account is for,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co kt eyujmrw,1
theekween depression anxiety loss of a loved one heart break thelmasherbs,1
amazon u top 000 reviewer compelling crime fiction this is very different unique kind of crime fiction several topic are explored mental illness depression feeling of rage a the book continues the suspense build http t co wr 9sjtg j http t co en0qpdxf9j,1
depression we re gon na sleep forever mania fuck sleep we re gon na stay up for day,1
ha main depression main tun tuna bajata hu http t co ajwocn 0zr,1
musafir from parwaz hai junoon really trigger my depression and anxiety,1
dwr gh teresamforgione gm stone not that i ve had covid but i find whisky cure everything from sniffle to depression,1
0 0virgin honestly i understand her frustration my mom doe the same with my thing she wear my clothes sometimes tseding hadi kgutlise but nka sebe depressed aowa depression yonke no,1
depression in construction is partly due to big company piling relentless pressure on worker and making it clear they can be easily replaced the moment they wear out bbcmorninglive totally hold the employer responsible bbcmorninglive,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co ajtghgrvd,1
art is a universal language art is a catharsis for me panting helped me out of depression latifa stopped painting when she left syria but used it a a way to deal with the struggle of displacement in lebanon now she teach others and sell her painting http t co viijhh ubc,1
it bulle fika lokitaung utembee kwa mlima na ulale kwa laga depression itaisha,1
bj keswickproblems ndp oh yeah you must enjoy record breaking inflation housing price that canadian can t afford because of all the foreign investor paying outrageous tax being driven into the next great depression make sure you stand with trudumb,1
there r different level of depression and clinical depression is something that you absolutely can t get out of you need a medic you need to see a doctor you need to medicate for it you need a therapy there r thing you need to do in order to get out it or else you won t,1
at night when i fall into to pradeep kumar song enna da inga iruntha depression ah kaanom pradeepkumarsong http t co vxbeyyiunk,1
aminelkhatmi ric zemmour l alg rien vous invite vos ascendant descendant et vous m me a elkhatmi de saisir l opportunit de la r migration pour viter le grand remplacement afin d viter marion mar chal le pen de crisis de d pression,1
i really need to see a doctor about my depression every time it s spiked like today i just feel worse and worse what the hell is wrong with me,1
internetumpire ipave depression kudukaadha ne just live the moment still chepauk la than last match nu nambuvom,1
une depression koda uya awta http t co lj0awcfbau,1
ckngdead here come the depression tweet,1
worldofnc i do a digital fast every so often it s where i stop watching the news or looking at social medium just music reading and netflix it may be sticking my head in the sand but it give me a firebreak from the stress and depression that is modern life stay sane,1
this is how to show a loved one you care when did you begin feeling like this mentalhealth depression,1
also still struggling to ask my parent to help me set up for an adhd diagnosis a well a for my mental health a much a i say i do have thing like adhd depression and anxiety i haven t officially confirmed that it suck that i do because i can t get the support i need,1
apology for the random burst and then lack of video been in a really wanky depression hole that i need to crawl out of a bit,1
and just when it wa the most painful when i had sunk so deep into my depression that i could sink no further,1
theekween vhulivhadza help with depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
this insane rant here ha 000 like really what exactly are they liking that someone can be this vile toxic disrespectful amp totally irresponsible to her own mother depression is actually a fair amp deserved escape route you to be honest nonsense,1
theekween thelmasherbs help with depression anxiety,1
sihlewasembo lord bonda mizzzidc our toxic home are just okay people share make mistake and forgive we certainly don t and will never throw a fit get into depression over sneaker,1
it s true i truly love jessicabardot she wa there for me during a dark time and i appreciate her so much for being there during my depression one of the most loveliest lady http t co tjstwmyr v,1
dein depression,1
letouzet en m me temp il n est pa faux de parler de d pression elle est pas e par le cyclisme et le dopage quant savoir si ce derniers en sont la cause c est difficile la tendance d pressive peut mener ce activit s douloureuses,1
i literally have depression http t co q bkk uq,1
weird type of depression indeed,1
theekween it hell with heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing your loved one thelmasherbs,1
salah eddine y a une grande diff rence entre la d prime et la d pression une d pression c est maladie en tout ca je te souhaite de journ e meilleures que celles que tu pass en ce moment,1
victorahiwe that s what you want even all your generation together can t make him enter depression bunch of attention seeking low life,1
mai asher 9 lynnestactia the guy look depressed depression is real,1
ismadinter en d pression,1
saf wouldn t even work with him and his greedy agent jose brought him back with the highest fee and loved him like son jose should be the one talking bout depression because he wa really backstabbed,1
pre pandemic incidence of diagnosed depression wa about this increased to during lockdown likewise amp case of anxiety went from to http t co czlqb cxqe,1
n9ne x tgalloway rwtaylors a someone that ha suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life i can safely say lockdown made it a million time worse your comment is thoughtless and insensitive this lady lost her son your experience is not everyone else s grow up,1
school connectedness anxiety and depression recent evidence and young people s perspective activeingredientsmh from national elf service blog http t co cjfjwx rfh,1
theekween vhulivhadza help with anxiety depression heart break any traumatic experience and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs,1
mueller g wusste ich vorher brauchst nur in unser b ro schauen die haben ne riesen angst vor covid lager interessiert da keine sau ihr longcovid ist ihre depression und angstst rung sonst gar nichts,1
profkarolsikora absolutely i m shortly been suffering with depression and medicated for year recently suicidal never been referred to mental health service until this year and been told i probably have adhd but i doubt i will find out until my 0 s unacceptable,1
i have bipolar depression and succumb to nihilism a lot i m so thankful to the people who still talk to me when i feel low and check in mean more than you know love you all,1
theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event such a depression anxiety loss of a loved one heart break and any traumatic event,1
y a une mamie de mon glise qui m a dit tu n est pa blanche la d pression c est pa pour toi,1
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pa moracchini la boucle c est ca gt bonne pr pa parce que mec intelligent gt gros cv gt taff d bile ultra bien pay gt d pression parce que gar trop conscient gt se venge de tout ca en tant z l jouissances toxiques gt coinc en enfer,1
am i going through depression again,1
vamsi share kanisam ee cinemaki ayina maa depression gang arustaremo chudaali movie experience chedadobtaaru,1
when you feel depressed what s thing you do to make yourself feel better depression depressiontreatment positiveimpact positivevibesonly positivepsychology behappy behappyandsmile http t co yfiojfbwz,1
theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event such a depression anxiety loss of a loved one heart break and any traumatic event,1
ohgodjamnit my brain won t let me bullshit you set out to do it and announce it in cap like an attention seeking child throwing tantrum you are not a victim jun look around you do not have the monopoly on depression or shitty life circumstance or fucked up brain chemistry lmao,1
randomjay the biggest mistake i have ever made now i have to live with the consequence stress anxiety and depression,1
thasohtx depression inducing sneaker,1
mizzzidc if you were my sister after doing this depression will be the least of your worry co i ll beat you to coma and the pay the hospital bill and new nike shoe by your bed side,1
mahisshi danyok made my depression worse and turned me into a joker,1
swoyer fighting depression isn t a easy a it may seem because you never truly know how that person feel and people have thought of suicide because they feel a if that s the only right thing that they can do and they think it s the much easier route to go along with life,1
tpmp divizio le comparaisons deux ronds pour se la jouer bien pensant c est comme si il disait une personne qui a le bra ca de ne pa se plaindre car d autres ont le jambes ca e oui de gen ont soufferts de d pression et non il ne faut pa minimiser leurs souffrance,1
laekanzeakemp mental health ha been and will always be my favourite topic to talk about let s connect laekanzeakemp i started my journey of writing to fight the silent battle against depression,1
don t let depression slow you down we got this,1
new article from obmintegrativeandcomplementarymedicine covid on the brain anxiety sensitivity and mindful awareness mediate the relationship between covid 9 obsession and anxiety http t co vfegm9dpzf http t co wkkexnjdys covid 9 anxiety depression http t co u pembdvcm,1
niru0 who tf even care about her sneaker getting depression bc you can t wear your sneaker for a few day wtf,1
c est trangement le sympt me de la d pression a,1
english isn t my first language so i apologise if i use the wrong terminology i also have issue with my brain memory focus not only due to adhd but also because i ve been completely burned out exhaustive depression several time in my life,1
this doesn t help my depression,1
depression a hit you outta nowhere,1
regalkimi we re still clear of man united in everyone s book amp in refent time the world man united is nothing but i bin get class of 9 smaller than wolf plus a trophyless club that give pogba nightmare amp depression he had to shave his hair ratio,1
black btrfly bref ya beaucoup de choses la chose a surtout pa faire c est rester solo parske la d pression arrive tr s tr s vite,1
a recent study found that medical marijuana failed to quell symptom of anxiety and depression and instead doubled down on risk for developing addictive symptom and cannabis use disorder http t co ezyaic0sck,1
what do psychotherapist actually do by drsusanheitler http t co gkjl yyetp anger anxiety depression therapy psychotherapist mentalhealth http t co nqgtdgcziy,1
who ever said there wa a cure for depression wa seriously wrong you may be happy for a little while but in the end it always come back,1
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yay it s time to fuck depressed depressed adjective low in spirit sad especially affected by psychological depression vertically flattened having the central part lower than the margin http t co pldmsm zxz,1
fckeveryword in case you didn t know depressed adjective low in spirit sad especially affected by psychological depression vertically flattened having the central part lower than the margin http t co iv 9md l,1
i m glad i watched this during the worst depression of my life bc i don t remember a single thing other than that i loved it and i m saving it for a rainy day,1
camarade menthe profite bg on a peu de r pit entre et 0 si on saute la case calvasse j ai vit de la mettre d ailleurs pour viter le vagues de d pression l approche du w end,1
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depression amp anxiety changed me 0 tried to take my own life 0 9 with therapy and time i turned it all around passing my trade test stabilizing myself becoming a dad and supporting my family now so clear that i don t take shit from anyone and they all hate me for it,1
jayjude imthiyas pv kennylanta ng abdulbasit goal overcame depression then why did you choose to have depression in the first place since it wa a choice,1
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people go into depression due to these reason in relationship http t co 9 usxvnja,1
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you go thru depression the first trimester of pregnancy,1
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tpmp divizio nous demandons la production que delormeau soit suspendu de cette mission et que cyril hanouna et c s excusent publiquement aupr s de tous le enfants qui sont suivie en p dopsychiatrie et qui sont en d pression cause du covid je pense emma de tout c ur avec elle,1
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the action of nitroglycerine on digitalis induced st depression in patient with coronary disease http t co s9uqoyl kt,1
theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event such a depression anxiety loss of a loved one heart break and any traumatic event,1
top 0 country with the highest rate of depression united state http t co aubhvlr he,1
tolu pepper omo this happens every period but not through out the depression is overwhelming and i crave so much sugar to balance the mood usually chocolate help me feel better,1
depression come from not forgiving the past and trying to control the future happiness come from living and working on the present,1
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speak to a therapist online via skype for anxiety and depression online mindfulness therapy via skype psychotherapy without drug the best option is to treat the underlying cause contact me to learn more see http t co a uafykh u,1
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i am vengeance batman is just emo if we had a superhero his tag line would be i am economic depression,1
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tairinonfir fudiggity shark ozero my bc packet low estrogen le severe side effect reason men dropped out in 0 study pain acne depression suicidal thought the depression wa main listed reason for halting trial one case of possible infertility current monitoring i m not saying male bc http t co e l i wdf,1
iam gadifele gwen tlaka nna ke right ke tshwenya ke my gender gore ba tshwere bothata and they are getting stress depression and all sort of sickness because of basadi mxm,1
utdcynical crossydailystar fan got depression watching the bollox,1
ergonomix for real i ve been there in the pit i ve not wanted to exist because of it no one deserves to feel that way least of all you in any way lt my advice is to try and say this is my anxiety depression whatever it may be talking not me i m loved it may help lt,1
they say there are five stage of grief denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance well i d like to add one more revenge,1
tolu pepper my dear ovulation pm and period make my life complicated the depression symptom emotional weariness edginess tiredness actual pain it s just a lot you are not alone si we are all frustrated with you sending hug,1
chrisexcel 0 hayi suka man you ll give him a depression,1
i got an instagram ad for microdosing ketamine to treat depression uhhhhhhhhhhhh,1
imagine you have deep psychological issue stemming from year of abuse and depression and your therapist just start talking about how great communism is what is wrong with these people,1
tabuteaus come off it clearly not clinical depression if he s attributing it to playing under mourinho take a toll yeah but stop throwing around the word depression,1
my previous knowledge of historical reason for the depression did not include history s number now i m really drawing a strong parallel between depression event and current event http t co fuxwvjydjy,1
because i see a lot of people thinking they re alone with a certain problem slight trigger warning my panic attack have caused me to self harm my depression got so bad that it affected my physical health i couldn t get up without feeling dizzy for month i kept waking up,1
i ve struggled with panic attack and depression for a few year now i ve talked about this on here before i ve had help from a therapist she helped me a lot and i m better now than ever but i still know what it feel like i want to be really transparent here,1
una go sha deh misuse the word depression kini radarada yi bayi,1
bjr il fait bo je veux retrouver mon moi du premier confinement celle qui faisait du sport et qui tait pa en d pression hahahahahaha aled,1
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not having clothes is sending me into a state of depression that ion like,1
dianaisabela markus lanz nataklitschko s vitvitska jakluge fiedelseb wir m ssen darauf achten das wir im herzen den sonnenschein nicht verlieren dauerhafte traurigkeit depression u aggression macht krank und dann kriegen die un am ende doch noch hab sonne im herzen ob s st rmt oder schneit,1
mutesi lydie ese niba rbc isohora report ivugako murwanda million zabaturage nibura babana na depression cg nikihe gihugu gifite amateka nkayurwanda ahantu ugera urumushitsi ukajyanwa gusura inzibutso nawe ubwawe ukavayo urira nyine utishimye so in some case the report is 00 ok,1
mariasbtb cnews l histoire amp complexe que a la vendu son me au tout amp censur sur mervine m me le dangereux c dans leur g ne amp vive vol magouilles amp s en tire toujours le lois amp clou de folie a pourrie la amp pour prime le en d pression amp la jeunesse empoisonn endoctrin lafm racailleu,1
apsanabegummp ucu it s like he entirely discounted the idea that staff at non striking university might also be suffering depression overwork stress anxiety would it really be such a terrible thing to lead an investigation into the extent of these issue in the sector,1
medicalnewstoday detail many us for this in the treatment of anxiety depression and even ptsd http t co iwivamcebt,1
depression is cause by oneself thru one greed for those thing that are bad for one health that one can t manage firstly you have to understand that you are the cause of ur depress state and you have let go of ur big ego to come out of that situation by taking to people,1
on the nd anniversary of the first covid 9 lockdown in the uk read about our meta analysis showing increased rate of depression and anxiety during the st lockdown compared with pre pandemic level http t co qz gfzfhq gemmamjtaylor lucamdettmann,1
night two of deep depression i wish my med didn t have some bad day bc im a mess i don t feel like me this week and i m just so incredibly sad,1
the star citizen tv and azimio blogger are internally suffering from depression hatred denial the fact that kenya kwanza is the biggest coalition party in kenya rutomusalia,1
pauline va faire une d pression,1
floppy 0 atipyque sarahelhairy macron le a noy dans la d pression pour ensuite leur offrir une porte de secours par l amour du b n volat la m me m thode que joseph di mambro sans le soucoupes volantes,1
she s guilt tripping him for feeling good about himself she s saying he s the reason for her sadness and she s missing a version of him where he wa at his lowest she didn t even see the depression that lived in her husband because it made her comfortable,1
today i felt like i wanted to die but i didn t really what sitting with someone in a dark place really mean depression shadowself emotionaleducation http t co fwhl9d jue,1
frasar9 tonyrouf edgar ojwang njeriwanyina superiority take your depression else where how you keep a conversation with a person with inferiority complex explaining your mental status wee go and cut tree,1
letsinorollz ivy nkk ignore consistent behaviour that spiral her back to depression no guy mental health first idc,1
im thinking abt telling my parent abt everything how i wa molested my ed my sh problem my depression everything,1
julisa a seokjeng0 yes i needed them so much and when i wa at my worst that s when i saw them and i wa in total depression and i only wanted to kill myself but i can say that he really saved me with their music and their joy of living http t co tw g9ylqdh,1
ssr faced sabotag with most vicious lie written abt him a blind item but not one of these gossip wrote abt his add ction or depression even tho everyone supposedly knew abt latter not suspicious ip nupurprasad pmoindia doptgoi hmoindia ssr social medium compromised,1
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your mama wear your sneaker you enter depression,1
who knew rishi sunak being incapable of using a fucking bank card would be what kick off today s depression spiral lmao,1
dreamtimeswift taylornation i saw her once for 9 9 tour and i suffered serious post concert depression the next day when i created a spotify playlist for the tour setlist and i cried very badly in my bedroom,1
sound therapy to reduce anxiety mental health amp depression guaranteed http t co xipwe lncd lavenderetherealmusic short sound to reduce anxiety depression stress music mental health therapy meditation music music for stress relief balance,1
krisbelieve andarson brel basilngidi mizzzidc eng bystuff mj cachinnate yea you are right imagine the pain and depression the mother will go through when she find out her own blood daughter ha humiliated her in bird app because of a nike of how much,1
theekween heart break witnessing trauma anxiety depression loss of a loved one thelmasherbs,1
the light that shine through oh what pretty color too evil is for story and thank god for the movie the depression wa awful a nickle too i changed my mind evil is hunger poverty endthe war the lie they tell for,1
masithoko dlomo mizzzidc everything na depression for una this day look like the heart is getting softer every year small thing mental health nothing wokeness no go cause,1
pistachenoire laurent brevesdepresse on ne trouve pa le plein emploi en for ant le gen bosser il n y arrivera pa avec s mesures il va gagner de en d arr t maladie d pression pour contourner le syst me on pourrait arriver au plein emploi en am liorant par exemple le condition de travail,1
elvisamponsahk generation yii yare then she throw in some depression card,1
german longcovid study 90 9 had no measurable physiological change ie psychosomatic risk factor pre exisiting psychological psychiatric condition depression postrauma anxiety specific job bureaucrat administrator teacher lower than average physical labor http t co llxtl g,1
don t go into depression because of fun you assumed others are having everybody just dey lie,1
fornowshesgone depression did,1
what have you learned from depression don t be selfish your experience might save someone s life ashewospace black star,1
an ex muslim miss veedu vidz http t co z nqoa u exmuslim mentalhealth depression apostasy http t co hoap9arrmw,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs,1
theekween vhulivhadza help those who suffer from depression anxiety heart break or have witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs,1
jeremyvine people will stop spending so the economy will contract further inflation rise further we end up with hyperinflation stagnation and ultimately a 0 style depression which the govt can t do anything about,1
depression lori bata oje lo ye ara e wo http t co egkmkkazb,1
because you have depression love http t co cnbln ppkj,1
i know that my depression is going terrible when it start to be physically painful i don t know how to explain it but i m in pain,1
depression ke,1
hello twitter i m on a one week leave from school bc i have depression how are you all d,1
befoot sport aubameyang en d pression,1
azizul0 this cat singlehandedly cured my depression for a moment,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co ziuwj0y0vd,1
rsurrection battle 0 copaincopain mon avis a moi aquatennens le oliennes depression sont de eoliennes eole vent,1
i m getting swole af tho jus need to get back on my healthier diet shit depression isn t over but the eatin my feel part is u can t b depressed wit a pack it s medically impossible http t co tym by taw,1
bombassdyk deathydescole ma m re est croyante lors de sa d pression on lui a rabach que c est cause de sa foi etc alors que la d pression est une maladie avec une composante biologique un d ficit de certains neurotransmetteurs c est fuir ce genre de personnes par exemple,1
depression do be hitting different,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co nglipxulsq,1
y all wan na talk about depression but wan na get mad at me for sleeping for day weird flex but ok,1
once i hear niphkeys my depression disappears i will not tolerate any zino slander please,1
chadjvalasek tanaganeva pem pem mikenewswriter we don t know why lithium work but at least it reduces the risk of suicide even at dos not clinically effective for depression or mood stabilisation ssri don t reduce the risk of suicide and in fact increase the risk http t co i vkah nq,1
a lot of people don t struggle with depression they struggle with the reality we live in stillpushing,1
jsuispasunkdo anyattardee oshun 0 0 paoloo oui j ai assez mal d velopp dans un autre message j ai bien expliqu qu il ne faut jamais se moqu derri re il peut y avoir de la d pression du stresse de la tristesse un traitement etc,1
sign that the usa and the world are headed for the worst economic depression http t co rajk xjuoh http t co joctlucsyz,1
seasonal depression please exit stage left the sun made it come back http t co jdote rjd,1
former ohio st football player harry miller medically retires from football due to mentalhealth concern delivers powerful message to anyone struggling with depression http t co lkynhiiifj mentalhealthawareness mentalhealthmatters endthestigma health wellness,1
goal depression ain t feeling a bit sad bro,1
biolakazeem lmao you re a you infer that a grown man is lying about his struggle with depression and when you re rightfully called out for that you say it s unprovoked if you think you deserve empathy then surely you would ve shown empathy to begin with,1
aalexaanne and that s on what depression purrrr,1
in that mood of wanting to suffer my asthma attack a a form of self harm depression suck when it hit outta nowhere for what seems like no reason at all finally coming out of auto pilot and i have no idea what triggered it it thursday,1
talking bout depression girl i just got off the pill,1
man i can barely remember when i wa doing that game style weight loss thing like depression really just wiped your memory and clear out all your plan huh like none of that shit mattered one day and no going back,1
a a desi teenager only kk s discography can cure my depression now,1
mourinho shouldn t let this pogba slander slide he should do his own interview and say watching pogba play football gave him depression,1
startv kaderiminoyuntv it s also crucial the scenarist address in depth from a psychological point of view theme that have been introduced throughout the story abandonment of biological parent of the partner amp family depression social pressure abusgul dergecerim ferayegizemkurt kaderiminoyunu,1
new article from obmintegrativeandcomplementarymedicine mindfulness in tai chi chuan a practised amongst higher education student with implication for health and learning a narrative review http t co p aciaxzd http t co usqjekvyaq taichichuan depression http t co scx fegnqf,1
my depression ptsd and anxiety have reached an all time high this past two month it honestly breaking me,1
liberalnomo thirtyonemks nowthisnews so what advice would you give a man who ha depression cuz he know his sexuality is off and he s attracted to men he also feel uncomfortable in men clothes and can t get turned on from woman or would you just not even associate with them even tho they re an amazing person,1
menochronic blamethehormone thismorning carolynharris drlouisenewson i am so sorry you went through that with your daughter i spent year being treated for anorexia depression anxiety self harm eupd until eventually being diagnosed with pmdd in 0 even once diagnosed i spent a year in a psych unit to support me until i got surgery,1
julius s malema nyaope boy are causing havoc in township breaking into house you can t protect the dealer our people are suffering and dying in depression come with solution to create job skill we are tired of your speech and poverty we don t eat speech http t co xiw wf jkx,1
adolfengelbrec bakang seretse s lawyer long called tautona gore ate go testify and that wa the end of npf case nna re unemployed all you do is worsen our depression sometimes it s better shut up cz you re part of the cartel that is robbing this country hao harologane nabo,1
a new study show that there is a correlation between depression and dry eye syndrome ded could troublesome eye symptom feed depression or vice versa read more below and here http t co lhe dbv t ophthalmology ded depression mentalhealth newresearch jamaophth upi,1
paperbag alcohol also work well on well being and depression i hear oh wait we weren t doing that,1
mizzzidc la fisto i hope one day you get dragged unnecessary on social medium like this by your child if you think dragging your mom on social medium will take you out of depression then good luck to you,1
alpha utd yup depression of winning trophy least of all,1
twitter is the only social medium platform i don t feel uncomfortable talking about how mentally ill i am im tired if struggling anxiety depression,1
i m glad i m not alone period depression is real,1
laurenellise dying from crippling anxiety and depression,1
theekween help people who suffer from depression anxiety loss of loved one heartbreaking or have witness something traumatic thelmaherbs,1
fact juicceyy just say these are step to depression,1
gemma brett i made a film with teenage woman who cared for their mum cold house dark room the love shown the tear shed the weight of responsibility the frustration at missed opportunity the depression the anti depressant castaway in their own life the youngest wa,1
theekween anxiety and depression thelmasherbs,1
masithoko dlomo mizzzidc i don t think depression will make you post such on twitter but i think there is more to her lash out than just the sneaker ugurl uyagower,1
at the african woman in cinema blog archive african woman in cinema addressing issue of mentalhealth in africa link to post postpartum depression http t co rnrigvs j9 anxiety http t co b brzdrryx alzheimers http t co dsnoagfosb http t co loww iymvn,1
theekween it help people who suffer from depression anxiety loss of loved one heartbreaking or have witness something traumatic thelmaherbs,1
maryjldn thank you longest bout of depression and anxiety i ve had but i mthrough the other side,1
today is my worse birthday depression i can t even fake being excited for my birthday damn,1
must be depression fr,1
depression tavor macht einfach nur m de,1
meta ufo don t get involved any presale or lock project again of u don t want to spend the rest of ur life in depression,1
over year my ex husband waited to find out if this wa going to court in the process he lost his business his taxi licence and his home he began suffering from severe anxiety and depression and needed medication to help him get from one day to the next,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing your loved one thelmasherbs,1
kilishi kween because her mama carry her shoe she ll enter depression and want to heal na wa ooo if she carry your car and money fa,1
rohitdoss yes romba depression aguthu stress aguthu mudiyala,1
can t outrun depression unfortunately,1
swoyer you don t understand depression whatsoever it s not something you have a universal method to fight against suicide isn t the first choice it s the last it s when the year of fighting constant suffering and lack of hope finally outweigh the fear of taking your own life,1
having mirror in a house doesn t help with depression,1
thabiler ntsikimazwai it is a form of abuse the result are permanent depression and enxiety depending on med for the rest of your life,1
jaxtartwitch denismcmichael stats feed well being informed and suffering from depression are two different aspect,1
geordiepaul williamnhutton supermactoon government have the mean this country wa heavily in debt from ww and the great depression but they still had the resource and mean to have the money and resource to fight ww,1
dg thank you depression and anxiety suck but i m out the other side x,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing your loved one thelmasherbs,1
ranking of king me permet de pa tomb totalement en d pression et aujourd hui c est le dernier pisode,1
excuse the blasphemy but no i dont need god to tell me anything before i choose to do whats right no my lack of religion isnt what gave me anxiety and depression it your abusive parenting style on the first half of my life dont blame my belief pls,1
seasonal depression session over,1
fighting the urge to withdraw from everyone so i can be on my weird solo depression phase in peace,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing your loved one thelmasherbs,1
yinkapost man fell into depression y all should relax,1
getting better from depression demand a lifelong commitment i ve made that commitment for my life s sake and for the sake of those who love me,1
if paul pogba had depression at man united what about mourinho and ole you d be reaching for the revolver every time that shower of shite turned up in training every manager since ferguson ha been trying to compete with a st team that wouldn t get on the bench at mancity,1
atipyque tars9000 sarahelhairy la jeunesse je la rencontre tous le jours elle est en d pression elle ne croit plus en l avenir et c est encore pire sou macron le jeunes ne sont ni aveugles ni con,1
theekween depression anxiety loss of love one heartbreak trauma thelmasherbs,1
people think i am i m attitude no dude i am alone i am in depression i am in overthinking,1
halitosis is also associated with depression and symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder,1
i smell depression collab here,1
had a groupwork assignment from my university and my best co worker are my anxiety and depression,1
hide depression,1
clarseek hajji if you do it a a you be ready for whatever come out of it but you know the right thing look for someone dat is aa we don t want story lamentation grief pain depression later in life my prayer is that you avoid this silly act,1
badood sash 009 9 jimmythomist vaushv lauren southern depression,1
mizzzidc any idea why u have depression das it,1
iamdepr 9 how can i best support you right now mentalhealth depression,1
do you remember when you joined twitter i do mytwitteranniversary depression http t co ooprmbtxhu,1
lamacurieux battle 0 copaincopain mon avis a moi aquatennens du m thane artificiel ca reste du m thane la diff rence c est qu il permet de renforcer notre ind pendance nerg tique si combin l hydro lectrique au nucl aire etc enfin le oliennes d pression n ont pa besoin de vent idem pour celles de courants marins,1
theekween it help with heart break trauma anxiety depression and pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs,1
it s all hug and kiss till you wear sneaker and cause depression a you are buying sneaker for your kid pls buy your own too good morning,1
new podcast alert surreyscorchers guard cayraf9 join the mvp cast to reveal his retirement plan and how he dealt with depression by learning to speak up http t co s t9b dvs,1
anti p longtemps j ai cru que mon mec tait un enfoir la veille de me r gles j ai fait aussi une d pression post partum parait que c tait li le hormone montent progressivement puis s croulent d un coup pr sent je consulte mon agenda qd c est la fin du monde,1
deucetwt dont think so it either new mechanic or you battle depression,1
aaroncikaya fcuk off playing the depression card he can t handle the english premier league and the micky mouse french league will suit his lazy style of play fcuk off to psg you premier leage flop you re a lazy sack of shite,1
paul pogba s exprime sur la d pression dans une interview au figaro le milieu de terrain de l quipe de france et de manchester united s est confi sur la sant mentale de joueurs professionnels de football en cho aux propos r cent de thierry henry http t co f o dvbdo,1
theekween thelmaherbs heart break depression anxiety http t co d y mfb w,1
itsnicari obeyalliance good morning depression,1
mizzzidc politely i ask are you mad how dare you speak to you mum in this manner and even type it in word this is absolutely rubbish depression ko depression ni this is complete madness i pray you become a parent soon and get to experience this with your kid,1
peut tre que je rate mon deuxi me jour de labo que je me sen super mal avec le combo r gles et d pression mais j ai un petit chat qui me bave dessus http t co flqwtpokvn,1
femibello mourinho is a victim too pogba wa playing badly and pogba wa a key player for mourinho which led to his sack pogba naming mourinho a a cause of his depression is bad pogba hasn t won any trophy or played consistently since mou left he wa treatedwell with ole but still a mess,1
theekween it help with depression anxiety heartbreak and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs,1
ojiaku9 make i save myself from depression first,1
hurt my back and titty in the process shouldve waited another week to avoid the titty pain but it done now n im very aware it gross but it called depression n being chronically ill,1
theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event such a depression anxiety loss of a loved one heart break or any traumatic event,1
etoro the worst thing man utd can do is offer him a new deal to match his financial demand pogba is a virus hence his partnership with raoila all they want is money once they don t get it they start the noise about football depression bla bla,1
i m not where i m supposed to be but i ll take this over depression,1
i wish it wa just depression,1
new post new tagalog reggae classic song 0 – chocolate factory tropical depression blakdyak http t co htqh kebnh,1
gossipmail i make people forget they have problem i depress depression,1
h la elle n est pa la seule nous avon tous d notre entourage de jeunes en d pression la politiquesanitaire de ce derni re ann e a t terrible pour eux,1
fact you take supplement for depression too lol,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
mizzzidc im sorry to say that you are one useless child any parent would wish to have such a desrespectiful child u spoke with your mother and u desrespected her enough privately why the need of posting on social medium we have people who suffer with depression stop hiding behind it,1
n if memory served alcohol had always made him sad and mean yes tell me i wa telling her how i felt after you left how it just spun me into this depression how i felt like i wa in a hole and i couldn t crawl out of it and barely wanted radioactive tree,1
mizzzidc lol imagine depression nge nike niyaperforma thixo,1
theekween it s help with depression anxiety thelmasherbs,1
my heart my gloom your depression feel like the calm drift of smoke above the rage and fire of battle your extrapolation badmouths like salt i love you like a drifting sycamore seed,1
kgware paballo kay mahapa yall niphathwa depression ngenxa yama teki,1
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mizzzidc u deserve that depression truly,1
new article from obmneurobiology the potential impact of covid 9 on depression and suicide risk in older adult http t co brn i tcp http t co aw fkdqvzm covid 9 pandemic,1
the fun thing about writing is sometimes the story pull you in and asks question that will need some researching to be done today and tomorrow are my research day and i will be cooking a great depression recipe i think it would fit the grim dark perfectly,1
depression is not a joke damn bangon pre,1
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theekween depression anxiety and heart break thelmasherbs,1
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theekween the herb is ideal for those that suffer from depression anxiety loss of a loved one heartbreak or have witnessed something tramatic thelmaherbs,1
depression everywhere depression is killing the youth rn i hope that sh t don t come near u everything will be fine let s try again bro checkonyourlovesones,1
happy hardcore healed my depression,1
you can be rich asf and still suffer from depression,1
hatoumadks mdrrrr d pression c est petit m me,1
therealsir ambassador dick s go legend during the depression when all else suck ish,1
cnn in term of immune system depression,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
i could post my face and the fact that im sexy everyday but my depression won t allow me to flex on y all nigga like dat,1
wahre worte depression depressionen burnout,1
theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmaherbs,1
gift makoti depression yama teki,1
jee 0 90 9 sathiyama mudiyala bro day by day romba toxic ah poguthu namakum mentally depression aaguthu,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs thelmasherbs,1
theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs,1
this is not the time for my depression to act up but here it is again,1
im so badly trying not to let this depression sink it teeth into me,1
id be fake a hell to come online and only post my win i also got ta tell u about the struggle flat broke day depression battle year of rejection and working day job to stay afloat the payoff and blessing are def nice but u got ta go thru hell and back to get there,1
this webinar had me on chokehold oh god it got me listening to my depression playlist at the fucking afternoon,1
i miss my old version with zero depression lot of motivation drug free zero anxiety,1
youbaviandecru aaaaah oui d accord je me demandais pour combien de temp je partais en d pression merci toi,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
new article from obmneurobiology antidepressant treatment of depression in the elderly efficacy and safety consideration http t co hsu g pvhn narrative review of surgery for myasthenia gravis http t co siqks rzxp depression pharmacotherapy antibody http t co scs0lby0pi,1
flashgetem i don t know what this mean but i think it mean depression kill you there i sha like the reply a e take sound,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one when u have witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs,1
hide depression,1
fayokemi keziah oluchy is it laughter or depression you re wishing me,1
that depression can sieze today,1
i can t tell if i m actually enjoying life or i m just dancing to distract myself from the depression atp amthoughts,1
tolu pepper alexlobaloba the sadness and depression is real but nothing come close to the feeling of miscarriage and losing a child i will take the sadness and depression over the last two anytime,1
etherealwater thatemigirl lmoneytm brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc like doe she know what depression is,1
depression is when you don t want to kiii yourself but you wish that you never existed,1
cinoshikacho j assumerai pa moi c s r la derni re fois j ai fait une d pression post concert,1
ugandan beauty jackiearinda ehhh ehhh sandra won t send her to depression okubye nnyoo,1
saidsabristi mhs paris oui mais le gen concern s pour mhs ont litt ralement t d truits bcp d enfants en d pression de parent de enseignants tout le monde n a pa la m me force ce personnes ont subi une preuve terrible et aucune compassion de leurs semblables il faut creuser plus,1
mental health scientist find out more about the new wellcomementalhealth award a major new funding opportunity investigating the causal mechanism underpinning effective intervention for anxiety depression and or psychosis webinar pm mar http t co moqw 9zd t,1
depression anxiety lack of sleep lack of new yukika music lack of weed http t co d y 9 zpry,1
minjy take care ye mungkin you boleh sembang sembang dengan kawan rapat you and luahkan apa di hati or do something that can give you satisfaction like house chore or running to get out from the depression,1
lmao i literally forgot a whole as book venom but make it trans and about trauma and depression and even more explicitly gay than whatever wa going on in let there be carnage http t co ownsd u rf,1
glorigeous around middle school specifically 0 9 to 0 had my deepest depression fr and i m thankful that i got out of it,1
brexitbuster when people starved to death in the great depression drs were ordered to put heart failure on the death certificate instead of malnutrition etc,1
keep it yall r u cappin so saturated no amo no thotties trust me depression and over for a like they,1
misterrabbitt it influence people more than love kindness or friendship it will cause lover to quarrel people to be unkind and others to throw away friendship it brings about depression envy greed and a whole plethora of immoral and unethical behavior money truly rule all,1
mizzzidc how can a pair of nike spiral you back to depression if this is the case your family house is not the problem you are the problem and you need to fix it,1
tw depression bello avere delle amiche che non riescono proprio a capire anche se sanno che nei periodi in cui sto davvero molto male sparisco e quando scrivo loro e cerco di rimediare come se la depressione sparisse co eh non mi rispondono nemmeno,1
depression your mom taking your sneaker it s well,1
thedeshbhakt are u alright posting against jihadis waise watched some of your old conversation on newslaundery man u changed a lot ye modi bjp se hate is part of your own depression and propaganda,1
theekween vhulivhadza help those who suffer from depression anxiety heart break or have witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs,1
happy international day against depression yeah today is my birthday too lol,1
mizzzidc with all you have said you ve almost landed that woman into depression,1
again thank you thank you thank you getting a gift during a really hard time cheer me up so much i told my friend my depression ha been cured i am so happy i have no word to even say jsdkaal i ll try my best and work really hard,1
paul pogba reveals he struggled with depression from the fight with jose mourinho at manchester united http t co iuuvfeytce,1
a zeeshan still in depression,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing your loved one thelmasherbs,1
je vais faire une d pression c tait mon jeu de pause bu et avant de dormir,1
bipolarblogger well i ve been lied to that i am not ill biologically simple blood test proved them wrong telling me i m just mad and mentally ill or having motivation issue due to bipolar depression or irritability doesn t raise my thyroid hormone or help with bodily inflammation due,1
depression arai,1
theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmaherbs,1
this post covid depression is making me go through it,1
le supporter de seahawks regardant le supporter de autres quipes rentrer en depression apr s le trade d un franchise player http t co oy0e kaf r,1
bornbytheswamp makapa makhoro kaybee r bokang the bae wish u nothing more but depression,1
depression arai,1
hi twitter verse i know it been a while but stupid depression and nightmare can kick my as sometimes and i know a lot of my friend are here that i ve not gotten a chance to hang out with in a while i think about you guy quite often i miss you all no matter what,1
halalhomer they believe like muslim will go and kill everyone like crazy war is aimed on the corrupted leader the destructive system which cause injustice and chaos in a country just check out depression and suicide rate if people know they d beg muslim to come and bring islam,1
in this meta analysis their finding indicate that at a long follow up interval both positive effect such a a mild improvement in anxiety and depression and negative effect such a a decrease of long term memory verbal fluency and executive function are observed,1
similarly if you re stuck in the rut of depression addiction or obsession your brain will welcome the opportunity to restore some plasticity to it unhealthily rigid behavioural and cognitive model,1
hide depression,1
theekween help people who suffer from depression anxiety loss of loved one heartbreaking or have witness something traumatic thelmaherbs http t co n fluyyqw,1
alone king kch din baad ye bhi chale jayenge depression main lmao,1
like i used to get so juice pressed about probably having unipolar depression for the rest of my life i feel tht i ve come to peace w it being either way now w my messiness habit im don t kno wht to think amp my feeling are quiet about tht rn,1
nicorightsclub adridaplagueboi lowkebee bitducc mediumguyenergy dreamwastaken yea self diagnosis is important cuz how are u gon na go and get diagnosed in the first place lol it also depends on the condition it easy to tell if u have depression or anxiety but something like idk bpd is super difficult to diagnose cuz it share symptom with other stuff,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression and pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs,1
mizzzidc unfortunately this ha a ripple effect on the victim s mental complex and will no doubt change their relationship with their parent condoning such toxic pattern in black household ha left child with a lot of resentment and even worse depression,1
francoispillet clemenceji ratio pour tenter de comparer un faf meurtrier qui avait de ant c dent dans l arm e de violence avec ton pote qui a fait une d pression tu e c urant,1
bavugar joker lp is a tribute to the strongest person in the world my wife depression will not faze u this is for all those who are fighting for mental health awareness and mental illness you are not alone let s fight this together http t co unb fhkzpz,1
giving them depression and anxiety cutting them off the food chain because it become all about collectible and utility artist amp musician have no utility they are the utility,1
don t worry i m not taking part in a trial under false information so even though bipolar people suffer with depression apparently only people with depression and then add on diagnosis eg anxiety can take part,1
tessaamrtz literal yo ya casi no entro pq m coge depression,1
theekween vhulivhadza help those who suffer from depression anxiety heart break or have witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs,1
dil shikastagi isn t quite the same a depression but nice word nonetheless very apt for me,1
findinmyway luv depression hit me out of nowhere last night,1
0 supplement to help fight depression http t co tc tkc abj,1
let me ask you a question are you a woman who ha struggled with anxiety a a result of my blindness i used to suffer from worry depression anxiety woman disability blindness http t co tztn urti http t co in avglhng,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs thelmasherbs http t co ayy9 a u r,1
if you were to open my head you d see happiness and 9 pain that is my smile and laughter the 9 is just regret smh ing anger stress and depression,1
nowplaying manic depression by jimi hendrix experience 0 http t co r umpqwwmv http t co n evcmygjc,1
enough the depression message in a bottle and the very first night streaming party starting now http t co fqjbmbhawg,1
ravivisvesvarayasharadaprasad http t co tivxonhqh mental health using social anxiety and depression a tool of productivity,1
sa s mental healthcare cost rate average on the global scale the mental health price index 0 find depression is average and anxiety is lower in sa than in many part of the world http t co rsaxgsekb,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs http t co ayy9 a u r,1
sometimes i feel like the target audience for ovaltine beverage are people that are struggling with depression,1
paul pogba man utd midfielder experienced depression under jose mourinho bbc sport http t co lqiuvbtd n,1
i know how to get out it start with anger first then thinking ton of thinking think my way out of my own jail cell of the mind i m breaking out of here depression is a holding cell i don t wish on anyone,1
kushaltweetz guddha musko thammudu already depression loki going http t co wchqiqiwk,1
content by eugene cacao graphic by kath limfueco source holland k 0 september how to fight depression 0 thing to try healthline http t co o udqteja what is depression n d american psychiatric association http t co quoyn0j b,1
theekween thelmasherbs it help with depression anxiety make you feel like your self again,1
lordreginald same but if they survived the great dookie depression they ll be alright,1
depression because of sneaker qlyv,1
having depression or any mental illness rather is not a sign of weakness it doe not limit and determine your capability and worth to break the stigma we should all learn to be more compassionate with one another,1
may 9th and september th are the worst day of the year for me and may in coming up so fast i feel the depression kicking in,1
i m all set for post anime depression attackontitan http t co vj jjwfrow,1
lately people have been romanticizing depression into something trendy which further stigmatizes the illness and the people diagnosed with it,1
if your own brand of depression make you bring your mum to the timeline for public flogging it s not depression that is plaguing you it is just plain old foolishness your whole operating system is corrupted and need a total overhaul,1
nataliekatoart good morning you are not alone in the depression phase i experienced it too keep spirit,1
theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain of losing a loved one thelmasherbs http t co ayy9 a u r,1
theekween depression le anxiety thelmasherbs,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
gop eleven one day pay all employee monthly pay one day you have no idea gop with gas a high a to rent being 00 useeoc these corporate company are going to lose to the depression and the government clash none of these company would survive without ppl like me,1
theekween the herb is ideal for those that suffer from depression anxiety loss of a loved one heartbreak or have witnessed something tramatic thelmaherbs,1
i m back unintentionally took a mental health break my depression got pretty rough,1
i would like to send hug out to anyone who is fighting depression i feel you and i am too please have trust and faith in the divine you are loved we all need to know this i wish for healing for everyone bb,1
i ve been eating on time but i feel like my main meal consisted of some food and depression,1
vinpocetine for depression symptom amp mood disorder relief http t co zapfkyxdg9 http t co hqhozyg u,1
depression ya these day yi nobu bipolar inside which one is this one,1
depression is my friend,1
the american psychiatric association apa state that depression is a common and severe mental illness that affect how individual feel think and act http t co arsp syayj,1
theekween it help those that suffer from depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
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ddofinternet first you get a bottle of water second you drink it third you become more depressed fourth depression,1
trained nh therapist are here to help you with your mental health if you have feeling of anxiety or depression you can refer yourself or your gp can refer you let u help you get your foot back on the ground go to http t co e onpgtu n talkingtheparies helpushelpyou http t co zxljdctvdp,1
theekween it help with depression anxiety and loss of a loved one thelmaherbs,1
cassou post concert depression tu connais,1
haven t done much on twitter lately been in a slight depression how s my twitter fam,1
the majority of society mix up depression with feeling sorrow or immense grief however we must understand that the sense of sadness is completely different from a mental illness rooted in depression http t co bfshs dmnc,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
depression 0,1
from all the anxiety and depression that i overcame here s the essential lesson that i got in the end i only got my back,1
espnfc so you give up start whining and blame jose sulking and depression are not the same depression is hideous sulking is childish and attention seeking,1
theekween help with depression thelmasherbs,1
add also insomnia denial depression hopelessness step forward and 00 step back because people still making parallel scene with another drama and never move on from you http t co if zghqebm,1
theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs,1
depression is a mental illness that ha multiple face amp is different per individual it come in different form amp it s important to acknowledge the fact that it can affect anyone amp no one is immune to it read up more about this article by capetimessa http t co y0wlrtvfmq,1
parent contribute to their child s depression,1
depression and suicide trying to win but i m fighting this battle,1
visit my blog for some exciting article makeup beauty depression lifewithcerebralpalsy http t co g vtrepuij http t co z wudtfgjf,1
you became this person in a dark room in a dressing gown completely unable to function if your child is experiencing depression there is hope for recovery headwaydaily see more at http t co meofhaqkel maudsley learning familymentalwealth familymentalhealth http t co fce bptkzz,1
new podcast alert surrey scorcher guard caylin raftopoulos join the mvp cast to reveal his retirement plan and how he dealt with depression by learning to speak up http t co fn qbl r z,1
the gladstudy is interested in learning about the underlying psychological medical amp genetic risk factor that play a crucial role in anxiety amp depression visit http t co dnzizcccur amp register your interest from cornwall partnership nh foundation trust nihrresearch http t co osgusuw j,1
triviathursday onepsychcommunity trigger warning the following post discus depression suicidal ideation and suicidal attempt that may be harmful to some audience reader discretion is advised http t co tufohfqg,1
il y a litt ralement ce qu on appelle la d pression hivernale donc oui oui rayon de soleil tout le monde est content,1
deltawgmi for my depression,1
but it s honestly time to go i can slowly feel depression creeping in with the amount of time i spend here unhappy if anyone come across this tweet please assist me with recommendation reference or job placement being in the hr field i fully understand how difficult it is,1
abitofdarkness the thing about depression is that you dont feel sad you feel sick sick of life sick of yourself and sick of everyone and everything around you depression make you hate everything it make you angry it like being http t co spnyeolkd,1
every thought is a battle every breath is a war and i don t think i m winning anymore depression depressed http t co v m af,1
susie dent but when i do it i have clinical depression and anxiety and need to take my medication smh,1
thomas pennec gna gna gna prot ger le autres gna gna pour vous pour nous gna gna gna on est oblig c est la loi gna gna gna aller au diable quelque chose d oblig qui fout le momes en d pression pa un seul putain d adulte aussi abruti soit il ne devrait l accepter point,1
fvck off girl trying to use depression to get support and sh t just fvck off,1
balqeesabd people that are mad they don too abuse mental health and depression too much,1
tharani dd summa than undu than velai undu nu irukara pullaiya pudichi santhula iluthu vittu depression range ku kondu poitu pecha paaru http t co l vorkga,1
wait i take that back rather than just for today stay away from me for the rest of my life my depression will only get worse with you around,1
sirtagcr the depression you get from losing five battle continuously,1
tanialt beth tastic widgetsworld spcialndsjungle teamsquarepeg so sen ipseacharity sendcrisis stevebroach eleanorjwright kimturner 0 gfreeman 0 renatabplus but in reality i get it i spent month in deep depression because of la move to remove our kid parent are exhausted and energy is pretty much depleted trying to get by on the minimum in financial support and tangible support fighting relentlessly for our own kid,1
shytheo mizzzidc pappy bright the depression part is kinda much but if it were me i d be really mad co according to her it s a repeated action,1
mindset machine these are helpful suggestion but don t guilt yourself if you can t always achieve them clinical depression anxiety etc and be disabling and often require professional treatment to overcome be patient with yourself and simply do the best you can with what life give you,1
depression ha no face and it chooses no one,1
i most likely need time away from social medium so i can get this flooring project started and find a new job in the process burn some fat maybe just maybe start to look attractive again to woman this here sitting around accepting depression a my best friend isn t working,1
getting 0 0 a piece thats out of the test i have done so far for atar in that i have failed test and pretty much cause the first real hit of depression i am working with people now to try improve those mark but the fact that my brain went to the length of saying,1
pjakma gadboit probably did well for mental health too a friend of ours who life in sweden came over to the uk last year and said literally everyone he met here had at least mild depression,1
stop faking happiness if you are not happy say it and see the help depression kill faster than you could ever imagine,1
all these because of sneaker make una try dey choose the problem wey una no wan get how will this spiral you back into depression,1
lsd wa used in the treatment of anxiety depression psychosomatic disease and addiction http t co zdxhkdqean,1
roberta ruffolo atanas hospitalstalkto gil bashe robturnerwrites wearablesexpert rgergelymd had covid last year jan almost lost my life took me month to recover extra to revitalize battled heart disease for a whole year before contracting covid my depression got severe and i went to start treatment lost my mom same period started ideating suicide wa tough,1
hide depression tn,1
just one hug to relief depression,1
well with 9 score i got a msca pf still can hardly believe it i will spend year across labreif lab maier amp winclove studying gut microbe of treatment resistant depression patient working towards a probiotic product supporting treatment efficacy,1
post anime depression sadge,1
lightsnoor funfact c est scientifiquement prouv que oui la lumi re a un effet sur le moral de gen plus ou moins prononc d o le depression d hiver quand y en a moins ect donc au fond on est tous de plantes,1
i m laughing coz i m high on depression,1
the audacity some of you exhibit on this app is a lot then spice it up with talk of depression please si,1
nach jahren die ich mit einem narzissten einem mann dem alles egal war und jemandem mit depression verbracht habe wird mir immer klarer da ich absolut keine vorstellung davon habe wie eine sichere vertrauens und liebevolle beziehung eigentlich aussehen sollte,1
could a man with depression own and operate an air fryer didn t think so,1
tazgezwitscher bekommt und durch geht weil e doch so einfach ist und du sitzt in dem raum allein mit diesem monster namens depression und bekommst den arm nicht hoch vor starrheit und angst und all dem anderen und niemand auf der anderen seite versteht da weil keiner da monster sieht,1
y all throw the depression word all over nje mme o ikadima di ayashisa amatakkie nywe nywe spiral to depression,1
wo ist die studie eigentlich ver ffentlicht oder machen wir ffentliche diskussion jetzt einfach ohne faktenbasis tipp f r alle die auch schlechte studien machen wollen einfach die spezifischen longcovid symptome nicht testen kipptisch usw daf r depression nicht abgrenzen,1
nhlanhla lux will mislead you if you have stress and depression of unemployment,1
slowly getting dragged by the foot into a depression pit and i can t tell if it s bc i slept wrong or if there s literally no reason at all,1
d pression,1
depression ha no face and it chooses no one,1
i suffer depression just hearing jose mourinho s name,1
fuck your depression uno,1
everybody s trying to feel ok about themselves otherpeople mentalhealth selfhelp depression anxiety,1
natalie craigf 99 monicablee it is for u bloke love still this is not a post about his depression it is regarding his football ability maybe read the thread happy thursday to you keep smiling and most of all bekind mufc,1
osasue if shaggi is funny to you your depression is serious,1
let the depression stage kick in now so it can be over soon,1
ou encor mieux fais le si qd c est possible pen e ttes le pers de mon entourage ou proche amp largemt ttes le pers qui comprennent p le concept de douleurs fatigue handic et ou de d pression ttes le pers qui pensent q la motiva est le rem de miracle tt,1
back in those skin crawling boredom bout that just result into depression bc like nothing is worth it anymore cheerz,1
no way my depression song is playing durning a nice as chapter tf http t co hekcohnfbg,1
masithoko dlomo mizzzidc you and that depression should be buried inside a casket since you ll want to pin everything on depression now no accountability,1
patti wambold jeffgordonweb am glad that you got it i have not been on much at all am struggling big time with my depression it suck got alot of issue i am dealing with right now,1
lennartspion finally overall mental state matter a lot when i wa at the worst of my depression writing my phd thesis it just made me sleepy no matter what work way better now im in a stable job with manageable project,1
seasonal depression suck,1
the great depression,1
http t co vb0egkkj best way to cure depression naturally just wake up early depression bealive anxiety focus brain bestadvice youtubevideo,1
barakasaimon what a toxic mom you can t just snatch my stuff like you don t care ima grow as now mom like what the fck were you thinking seriously am done living in this house am done doneee look what you have gotten me into am depressed depression ya nyokoo,1
kupavet depression mental illness ain t child s play,1
rishisunak the only think you re tackling is a tomahawk steak and a glass of wine while the rest of the country starve and dehydrate you sit there laughing it up while depression continues to rise,1
soenfu http 00 ok date thu mar 0 0 gmt server apache unix red hat linux last modified thu mar 0 gmt content type text plain motivation inf depression inf creativity 0 cookingability 0 isalive true focusingon twitter,1
lol i saw mental health in the chat and i m seeing depression now you lot sure love fancy dsm diagnosis,1
artistofcalcio amyisunited all of them will be i imagine i mean i have sympathy for him having depression but his performance haven t been good enough over the last year amp he wa quite happy to let raiola disrupt thing every month,1
this ha to change drastically and quickly so i can still breathe fuck depression fuck fear i stand by you the community it s time to dance http t co 0yongk cf,1
paul pogba s est confi sport team sur sa d pression manchester united on est jug tous le trois jours on doit tre bon tout le temp alors qu on a de soucis comme tout le monde que ce soit avec no partenaires notre coach dans la vie de tous le jours http t co y qbcrfky,1
i think my depression hit me for the third time,1
gulshan hinaaltaf cylinder ka rate badhane se depression se kaise bahar aate hain doctor saheb koi sir pair hai teri baat ka,1
chrissyxchi sorry that come across a if depression isn t real if it s not at that point everyone is different and depression take many form and affect u differently look after yourselves,1
drewl rishisunak borisjohnson the great depression in the 9 0 is going to look like utopia compared to what is coming to every household not if you are a wealthy chap like rishi,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co pwwuvws j,1
adolescent sleep stereotype amp misunderstanding with garwboy learn more about the comorbidity with sleep problem anxiety amp depression plus whether the relationship between sleep problem amp psychopathology is bidirectional full podcast http t co s jso f http t co lk ssi dc,1
hold tight it s nearly the weekend here s roger inferno attending a seminar to deal with his negative thought like a totally normal person depressed superhero webcomic mentalhealthmatters depression superheroes webcomics comic positivevibesonly itsokaytonotbeokay http t co erpvmv l n,1
stats feed there is russia all my frends in depression,1
depression kicken mich in bett,1
thogden ever heard of a club known a notts county depression seems to never end,1
photogenic fury and suicide become the news s stipend while photogenic depression and sadness are wank material for song,1
mayorkun and poco snap fit cure depression,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co pz vurvh0,1
finally got my med so hopefully i climb out of the depression slump still a bit rough for now though so i ll take this photo a a future benchmark http t co ytl xwedd,1
candy say thats really great to hear i ve always loved cooking cooking is so good for your emotional wellbeing that and some therapist are now recommending cooking class a a way to treat depression and anxiety a well a eating disorder adhd and addiction,1
mizzzidc move the fuck out of yr mother house she cant be getting disrespected in her own house bcoz of a pair sneaker dont play the depression card u are gng to be really depressed wen she kick u out,1
we play the game of love to avoid depression,1
the after effect of this drama is a whole new level of depression how am i supposed to live my life after knowing all the thing happened to her omg whyyyy whyyyyyyy,1
i fear i may go into a depression pit i miss my friend,1
stanning him ha added joy to my life he s not a tool to fantasize in your arm he s not a play thing to go crazy over he s an artist you like him because his art is adding a new flavor to your time his song mean something to me my depression wa understood and respected in,1
chrissyxchi real depression is when wow no longer sustains you and your usual off wow game also hold no joy,1
depression hitting real good today,1
thestrangersay mahinay bad jakay facial paralysis theek hoye or depression ka to na poch jahilyah day,1
participant needed for online survey topic investigating the effect of attachment on different dimension http t co e uzeuquh via surveycircle lovelanguages attachment depression mindfulness psychology survey surveycircle http t co fvfh u9 ff,1
can batman with prep time cure my depression,1
nah fuck your depression at this point you can t talk to your mother like this and post it on social medium,1
don t go on social medium is the simple solution it is all a waste of time add to feeling of inadequacy can lead to depression and creates a split personality of how you want to be seen and who you really are it ha made everyone a narcissist http t co t myb jykc,1
jimbob 0 craigf 99 monicablee what ha this gota do with depression life is not all about football,1
manchester united midfielder paul pogba ha revealed that he ha experienced depression during his time at old trafford pogba is currently nearing the end of his sixth campaign at united and it is expected to be his last a he contemplates http t co tqy jcdeqj http t co vpllqru tq,1
rht0 bfmtv en france d apr s vous quelqu un qui ne peut exercer de m tier par probl me mental en pleine d pression admettons doit donc mourir de faim c est bien ce que vous sou entendez du coup,1
stats feed what an irony finland is the happiest country in the world and it still fall under top 0 country with highest rate of depression irony aparanjape chetan bhagat anandmahindra hvgoenka sardesairajdeep,1
martingommel double depression im sinne einer dysthymie ist allerdings noch immer ein gro e problem und dagegen hilft kaum etwas ich w nsche dir von herzen das du etwas findest da dir hilft und das e dir dadurch besser geht,1
ogbenidipo and some people on that tweet saw nothing wrong with what she did and even applauded her for doing it and saying it s not insult she didn t think of the depression her mom wld go thru seeing she is being dragged on social medium co of sneaker it finish indeed,1
maammalice everyone s seasonal depression is gone after a few day of sun and we are all now touching ourselves with excitement,1
just remembered that doctor have told me i have depression amp that make a lot of sense seeing how i took monday off saying i wa sick but just could not for the life of me bring myself g work amp i m literally writing an email at am saying im not coming the rest of the week,1
therapy day again depression mentalhealth mentalhealthawareness momentum http t co teqvxekg,1
godspeed mide gianee vhic tore heard he fall into depression after acting g o t,1
paul pogba reveals he s battled depression since split with jose mourinho at manchester united http t co ga st9nrdz,1
desi people will not believe in depression but still say dil kharab ho rha hai,1
there is very little that people will not excuse a long a you mention depression a a primary motivator the depression free pas is extensive,1
jesssicrap not sure why a report of pain elicits such a high level of disbelief doe this also occur when patient report shortness of breath nausea depression fatigue anxiety vertigo and many other symptom that are difficult to quantify why is pain so different,1
lounisdell stats feed i don t think a country s depression rate depends on world event people have their own personal problem too,1
rending on kindle rv oopsies think yourself into becoming a language learning super star living well with chronic illness lesson of labor rv depression chronicillness languagelearning parenting childbirth http t co ikm thcige,1
martingommel f hle so mit dir beim einschlafen immer flashback nachts manchmal panikattacken und beim aufwachen wieder nen flashback wa mir geholfen hat war eine psychotherapie mit traumatherapie inhalten dadurch ist e zumindest am tag besser geworden die chronische depression,1
fallmaiden why it s such a big offence because constantly people tell me i should be ashamed for liking the show that it s trash that it s for child that i should die just for liking it that show brought me through the worst time of my depression and made me smile when i,1
let me get this straight so your mom wearing your sneaker will spiral you back to depression wawu,1
mizzzidc the way people throw the word depression and mental health at every slight provocation these day is just alarming,1
anirudh noob simp for depression,1
on the last episode of top boy depression is real,1
faroukserf david9 gonda depression,1
littleruen il va partir en d pression la,1
i just got my car back last week and it s fucked up again the depression is fresh,1
kapag nakakapanood ako ng video about mental health depression etc nattrigger pa rin ako naaalala ko yung mga pinagdaanan ko but still kahit yun yung mga darkest moment ng buhay ko grateful pa rin ako na pinagdaanan ko yon,1
realmissdike actually don jazzy had a god like influence on the music industry at that time sha plus it wa a legal tussle to add to it so there wa no moving for wc think depression set in along the way for him too,1
efbwrites fantasypeddler my depression,1
mellynisaki saki help i m being possessed by this thing called loneliness and depression,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co f ayloznc,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co v ulbjpxa,1
get rid of the anxiety depression and severe stress end alcoholism do shrooms http t co gbpex gcrv,1
who is the mastermind behind depression due to nepotism theory and why wa this theory encouraged by mupo even when no suic de note wa found from the crime scene ip nupurprasad drjitendrasingh doptgoi pmoindia hmoindia ip association ssr social medium compromised,1
need for daily alcohol dosage in order to do so this atrocious but free mental health clinic make it a little difficult but it s still a hell of a lot better than nothing it s not just a lack of med though i ve heard quite a few people say that depression come from,1
ijerph vol 9 page retraction lee et al nurse amp rsquo attitude toward psychiatric help for depression the serial mediation effect of self stigma and depression on public stigma and attitude toward psychiatric help int j environ http t co kaihyujyjl,1
quelle est la raison de votre d pression et pourquoi le etude,1
tout le compte rp idolish qui arrive ca soigne ma d pression,1
ketamine may relieve depression by repairing damaged brain circuit tm amp brain health http t co ija0nrvf9 cognitivefitness aging,1
le plus dangereux au lyc e c est pa la d pression ou le suicide mais c est clairement se faire sucer dans le couloirs,1
chris 9 0 that s very true i think so many people are suffering from anxiety and depression right now we need to just listen to what they have to say listen to what s going on in there life right now,1
solanaplays k sol that s crazy i went on depression for month for sol,1
well i got diagnosed with depression guess 0 won t be my year either,1
zainab 09 9 i believe she lost her battle to depression,1
bounce backloan anyone in this group got a bbl with lloyd my poor friend ha business collapsed now assessed a unfit for work stress amp depression lloyd haven t even contacted him about his missed repayment sent moorecroft debt collector straight in,1
man do crime society woman s he is a criminal he is a monster bla bla bla woman do crime from decade society woman s itself it s depression it s self defence woman would defend anything done by their fellow sister http t co mk j c jsh http t co zjbnbowzjn,1
really i need to work on my confidence and just doing stuff but with how low my self esteem ha been it s just been getting harder and harder to do anything i went on a rant in my wow discord about it that and how much my depression seems to have come back,1
depression and anxiety is a bitch i envy those people who don t have it,1
conflict in the very north part of the world result in economic depression at the eastofafrica many day away politics will still play super opportunist promise are in the way of this fiesta the ongoing conflict serving a an additive to promote political ambition,1
mizzzidc is this reaction and depression talk because your mom wore your nike shoe no there must be more to this this generation ha been taught nonsense do you know how many time your parent denied themselves of pleasure and even necessity just to train you pls seek help,1
the great depression,1
ase depression ke go nna ka motseng wa batswadi,1
adhd alien i truly despise that notion for exactly that reason i don t believe it bear any truth of course someone else can love you when you don t love yourself i have so much love for people close to me regardless of their depression and self loathing and vice versa,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co xcjz hquj,1
proflappleby my person diagnosis depression been told nothing more cmht can do,1
leitora9 how depression look like,1
just realised that urdu word for depression is dil shakistagi the defeat of heart the feeling that whatever war you were fighting for sanity are lost your wall are broken and now you need a rescue whoever coined it really knew what it felt like,1
aahmddr gradyymk je me ba encore contre ma d pression videmment y a pa que la pillule qui rentre en jeu mais c est le facteur d clencheur,1
depression is feeling somewhat okay throughout the day when you re around other people or out in public but the minute you re on your own and there s no one else around it feel like some dark shadow is just looming over you and weighing down on your shoulder,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co nsby jeyib,1
some of u are still living in denial about the state of the country that s the only way we get by day by day without falling into depression or anxiety,1
i have another meeting with my counsellor tomorrow and imma probably get those result on the depression anxiety and social anxiety test questionairres i did so we ll see how that go lol,1
i wonder what misery awaits me in the msq today but that will have to wait until later i refuse to start off my morning with depression and a side of despair gold saucer shenanigan and such before starting work http t co mmfvogcfiu,1
aahmddr gradyymk perso c est ce que j ai fais il m ont meme pa un irm apres examen il ont d clar que j avais rien j ai donc t contrainte de prendre une pillule qui m a fait tomber en d pression et an apr s avoir chang de pillule pour une plus soft avec un cycle de j,1
9 0 s boxing in the 9 0 s wa affected by one of the biggest economic struggle in the history of the united state the depression era because of the suffering american economy many boxer were offered lower amount of money causing them to only box for passion http t co id y o,1
mf out here fighting depression,1
moderate depression,1
mizzzidc you are depressed over a shoe you spoke rudely to your mom and then posted it on the internet i mean over a f shoe and you want to heal from depression dear child you are badly behaved i hope you are healing from the depression now,1
two nfts worth 0k now worth 00 i m slowing sliding into depression,1
penelopek that mini depression that hit you a week before your period woman go thru alot pls,1
pour certain jimenez est mort de suite d une d pression pantani d un oed me pulmonaire et simpson d une insolation tout ressemblance avec de v nements r cent etc etc,1
post partum depression isn t preached well enough most new mom are not always happy they had the baby,1
good morning i have crippling depression http t co wpedw lez,1
man do crime society woman s he is a criminal he is a monster bla bla bla woman do crime from decade society woman s itself it s depression it s self defence hypocrisy http t co evffplq0ug http t co 0gxfpnbrsx,1
another day another depression nap,1
mediccasts the alternative is suicide which is the most selfish and coward move there is people who consider that ha no sympathy from me fighting depression now that s something to be proud of,1
joynerlucas machinegunkelly nice toxic masculinity good to know your music about issue like suicide and depression were just fake shit for click if you had real mental health issue you wouldn t be perpetuating homophobia and toxic masculinity every cent you ve earned wa through coopting other s pain,1
bipolar ii disorder bipolar ii disorder involves period of hypomania but depression is often the dominant state for a diagnosis of bipolar ii disorder a person must have had one or more episode of depression at least one hypomanic episode no other diagnosis,1
there s a possibility that for most people what s effective is the placebo effect of taking a medicine therapy can be a effective to treat depression but most people don t like it because it take longer and cost more money,1
the article is saying that the chemical imbalance is just a hypothesis and the real cause of depression is unknown antidepressant are perceived a effective on managing depression but once you take them you won t be able to function without them,1
tldr we ve been told that depression is caused by chemical imbalance in the brain but is it really pharma industry produce drug to fix the chemical balance the most common antidepressant is called ssri which will increase the level of serotonin in the brain,1
they say there are five stage of grief denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance well i d like to add one more revenge,1
now when you say depression are you referring to a map commerce or mental health cuz i know nvmd,1
pmarca tszzl how doe this gel with rising loneliness and depression though social medium usage is in fact associated with these thing http t co z9 fmrok w http t co hc mf gqmq,1
mental confusion from physical or psychological pain the influence of chemical or disease physical and mental pain may cause fear anger and stress chemical change magnify the pain and can cause depression,1
i really don t wan na self diagnose i mean i don t think i am pero i really wan na get checked by a doctor for depression and anxiety bc everything i m experiencing are pointing to those two idk i just i m so scared of ppl telling me how i should feel or invalidating my emotion,1
femibello you think mourinho wasn t depressed with pogba s poor form and later sack and won t he be depressed by his name being linked to pogba by being the cause of his depression it seems mourinho ha no mental health,1
an idiot speaks anyhow to her biological mother and think that s not enough but must come online to rubbish the one that gave her suck your depression is still loading oshisko,1
shrooms get rid of every form of severe stress pain anxiety and depression hit my dm for all order and related info http t co izbxlcdwwi,1
university drain a lot of energy in student damn the level of depression there could make a lot lose weight,1
i m pretty sure the gym is curing my depression bc i ve been a funny mf lately,1
depression stress,1
going to clean my depression room so i can change the desk and the bookshelf http t co dy0jj slj,1
inamupwa ndati how do i get out of my depression and go live my life agh,1
funny for paul pogba to blame his depression or whatever on mourinho funny bcos pogba feel his fall out with mourinho is the most traumatizing experience he ha ever had not being benched and winning absolutely nothing under ol joker,1
thakre aarya wd9 9 stats feed explain to me then why white people feel more depression like give me an article that scientifically explains it,1
pikuprogram it s still jojo the depression hit me again like a truck,1
mizzzidc if a pair of shoe will put you in a depression issue are deeper please understand you are so blessed to have ur mum don t ever lose an opportunity to appreciate her whatever your issue try to speak to her with respect and kindness she deserves that from you please,1
adhd autism and depression are a real nasty combo,1
depression s killing me rn,1
cancel culture ha a greater chance of killing me through anxiety depression misery and bigotry than the career any tedious comedian left right or centre who is upset that someone objected to their gag,1
you know i may sometimes get my as kicked by my depression but overall my depression is struggling with me rather than the other way around these day and i consider that an achievement,1
all time henry kb9 platini zidane kopa juste ce noms le mette en d pression,1
life the rest are society pressure and those are partially playing a big role in causing depression hence the losing life of many men those thing actually depress,1
this is just a bad pain day but it s really hard not to sink into a deep depression again over how these day are just going to be part of my life for the foreseeable future because there s no cure for pot and the treatment is mainly eat more salty food,1
denismcmichael thakre aarya stats feed and that those country also know and can freely express depression and are informed of what it is,1
wizarab 0 aunty said this would spiral her back into depression i just can t abeg sneaker,1
amidst the conflict among ukraine and russia in a contention and testing climate when there wa a ton of disturbance doubt disarray and depression in the security exchange subscriberuchisoyafpo,1
amiriissaa brytonzablon mchelsea hawajui kuna vitu kama depression,1
this randomized study gave cannabis medical card to people who sought help for insomnia pain anxiety or depression the intervention wa related to subjective improvement of insomnia and mental well being but also to a higher incidence of cannabis problem http t co zvkczsxmjx,1
zahidmunir 9 stress depression anxiety garmiii parhai error,1
ogbenidipo iwa were gba we see the reason you are deep in depression you can t speak this way to your parent and expect to be healed of depression in actual fact it will sink you deep into depression,1
oslinam lwala la depression hawu,1
i wish i could find a way to live without these voice in my head but if i lose my only companion i would be better off dead depression poetry poem mentalhealth,1
how to recover from depression http t co bevtz0dj0a,1
caviarpurple israelite same here the depression is really eating me up switching off would literally solve everything for me but i m too chicken to do it atm http t co vvadmsoxsi,1
sometimes people become apathetic because of depression or trauma other time people turn to apathy after repeatedly being disenfranchised –,1
efic org i had nonspecific lower back amp hip pain for a couple of week it wa seriously disrupting my sleep and putting me in a bad mood i stopped leaning over the bathtub to rinse the dish or pick up the full dish rack and lo and behold the pain went away musta been depression,1
through a series of negotiation amp alliance coupled w issue of filipino product competing w u s product in the great depression filipino leader were able to gather support for the bill authored by sen millard tydings amp rep john mcduffie http t co pt smyuq,1
get inflow i got adhd anxiety depression it s a fun time,1
f ck dich ich brauch dich heute bestimmt nicht depression,1
there s much depression in europe and the leading cause can be traced to psychological overload the peace and prosperity of europe come with boredom something nigerian will never understand or relate with cuz there s no loneliness in nigeria,1
totailm 0i give me depression,1
ibrahimkrts stats feed wait is that the same depression a the original tweeter is comparing,1
pogba sur son niveau catastrophique c tait mourinho quand jos est partie il mets a sur le compte de la d pression mdrrr,1
wawaeilicious bdk skrg ni memg kurang didikan agama atau memg dah tak ada agama atau ramai bdk melayu bkn islam cara lain kau tu memg kau boleh decide ke utk matikan diri kau awal benda ni trigger kot utk org yg ada depression hari minta mati tp tau bunuh diri tu dosa ada cara tak dosa,1
heartbreaking to see kid taking their life out of depression stress amp grief no parent deserves this trauma our education system is extremely result driven amp the pressure it put on the kid is unfathomable but political interference in place of education is just too much,1
mental health using social anxiety and depression a tool of productivity http t co i p0xklncz,1
sleepless night become more frequent a i slip back into the black hole depression anxiety stress pain anger sadness loneliness hurt all of it just collides and the you start to spin why try and stop it you always end up back here hello my old friend,1
man utd star paul pogba open up on depression battle paul pogba ha http t co dihwtfgf open pogba http t co bsjashbyiu,1
man utd star paul pogba open up on depression battle paul pogba ha http t co qjhmdticll open pogba http t co djmrhqlit,1
look like the first stage of depression for most people wa triggered by mishandling by parent,1
post concert depression except it s post hockey game depression http t co xr v9dbswf,1
who launch yearlong campaign to fight depression slogan is let s talk http t co v0nvzbxxzs,1
depression suck especially accompanied by insomnia and chronic pain chroniclife,1
do i play pjsekai to forget the fact i wa clinically diagnosed with social anxiety and depression or do i hug miku plush and think about the fact i wa clinically diagnosed with social anxiety and depression,1
mizzzidc imagine making sacrifice just to raise a child and said child flip up at you like this because of a sneaker she s gon na get back an average parent might go into depression,1
we re out of the bundus god complex stage of depression is in obashata,1
slipknot be having their music about serial killer suicide death drug depression hatred and in like yupppp just what i need,1
toutelaverit tu va avoir une d pression quand elle va parler commande de tranxen 000,1
mizzzidc lmaooo this one is mad and doesn t have anyone to tell her the way we form wokeness sef is making everything clownish talking about depression lolz please whatever is disturbing you go way deeper than the shoe and the vent of a private convo is rather unnecessary shm,1
too much accumulation of knowledge without execution lead to depression growth forex crypto davido victony fireboy,1
boydifference you choose the type you want to listen to brymo ha different type of song that go with different mood in which you are there are many brymo song that lift your spirit give you hope and brings you out of depression totally brymo is a versatile singer bro,1
quakeroatsfemb nice sometimes i also do that it s a great way to remove the layer of depression,1
micro dose shroom capsule for depression anxiety and ptsd http t co vg rkqppt,1
so i had a depression yesterday n mom saw me cry so hard n she thought i wa cry about my study n worried about my last exam in month but my heartless as wa cry about a fucking boy,1
liebe depression ich will mein leben zur ck also verpiss dich endlich ich hab kein bock mehr auf grau in grau mit grau ich werde mir jetzt die farben zur ckholen ob du da willst oder nicht die welt ist bunt und ich werde da wieder zu sehen lernen notjustsad,1
rising out of depression and anxiety is the trickiest trip one can take mentalhealth http t co ub9uycqzuw,1
mentalhealth depression http t co new ybx 9u http t co juf9dkhiku,1
depression cause feeling of sadness and or a loss of interest in activity you once enjoyed it can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problem and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home,1
unnati bagga understanding kill anxiety understanding kill depression understanding in detail and get super curious what is anxiety what is the real root cause how can i change the cause you re not your mind you re not your body you ve both of them so you re superior feel it,1
notyour kainat itni utri howi sorat ko kon follow kary phely kam depression hai,1
depression remedy little step big impact http t co kebtd od depression humanpsychology remedy,1
mizzzidc the word depression is thrown around a lot on this app honestly you could ve addressed any issue you have with your mom privately know what to post and not now we know how you speak to your mom and how disrespectful you are to her over a pair of sneaker,1
good morning dear community i m safe and sound thank you for checking up on me and supporting me depression stage took week i guess i m moving to acceptance it s been a month since the beginning of war they said we d fall in day but we re still standing,1
flowfy0 kenklot manlikeicey people will just be capping nonesense she died of depression yen yen the word depression wasn t even been abused then like they do now she died of blood clot disorder,1
my anxiety and depression ha been through the roof these past few week i can feel myself taking it out on others it s not intentional but it just happens i think it s time to take a few step back from everything and focus more on me and my mental health,1
you know kalau aku percaya semua benda kat internet aku probably ada anxiety adhd depression and some form of cancer,1
afterrmc pvsportfr fcmetz domicile pour surmonter ma d pression,1
essteeem depression be real,1
please tell me how to block cleavage amp boob word aur voh wale bhi jisme ladki ladko ko expose karti hai unke s wale chat dalke bc hamne bhi ek time pe ek ladki ko kayi message kiye the ab bc sare lafde wale tweet dekh ke apne depression wale din yaad arahe hai,1
nhsuk the issue with this a a formerly obese person is the jolly fat folk persona i wasn t amp all those i know amp help are not happy being fat it is a myth put out by the food industry suggesting we are happy being metabolically unhealthy the depression caused is astronomical,1
why the heck am i still awake i m usually so tired all the time but once a week it seems my mind body say no sleep for you wtf nosleep insomnia depression stress http t co oyjph znfy,1
gmb ive just retired ive had nothing from the budget but gosh how in such a time of depression war and these time we are all in a terrible time cut the cloth the nh need help i think he is trying to help what do you want money around the world is the same it sad,1
mizzzidc depression for shoe ma am sit down,1
poison for real i had a c section they gave me ibuprofen like wtf that didn t do anything and got postpartum depression on top of that too,1
being a fan is willful depression at this point and there s no one to blame but myself,1
gon na start seeing my depression like a symbiote,1
your language show your depression get well soon those who are using mask willingly or by compulsion will not support you even u may be right,1
i treasure my own company in fact i love it but is it really me that want to remain a recluse or is it ptsd and depression http t co sukn atq p ptsdpuzzle zachradcliffphd edwarrior 9 wemattertooinc leadproject depress0 accio shinjini parikabhatli,1
depression is so real i m over this feeling,1
ajnr 0 obama manuel cyrill wegotalkam isaacquophai boyekweku broken heart 90 jon kay rockson soul izzatelkhawaja and here i am thinking money cure depression eei,1
lci verif tf lci tdeszpot allez voir espagnol de le suisse autriche pay chaud ou assez rich belgique il restent pa trop de pluie depression,1
honourable mention to this song about aquarius which i would often sing and dance to with immense intensity when on the edge of depression in donny living in my dangerous deprived pain filled area http t co w ijatmpkm,1
msmelbee i wa a mh nurse working in gp surgery gatekeeping pt with depression and anxiety to try and keep them out the system gps thought it wa a brilliant success the power that be thought it too expensive and got rid of u for phone triage,1
waldodior teamkhabib i wa taught the same thing and wa bullied all through my high school year i have serious resentment because of it and depression which grew because i had to suffer in silence i will teach my kid to fight back if they feel threatened in anyway,1
i ve heard people say it s mood swing i ve heard some say it s emotional play i ve heard people say it is what it is yet in all of this no understanding depression is a mental health disorder often misinterpreted and overlooked by many,1
there s a very thin line between lack of money and depression,1
http t co fceklau ff for your depression,1
the absence of the ability to just get over it is depression,1
i should write an article on what to do if you slip back into depression,1
mental disorder trait depression,1
depression in older adult recognizing the sign of elderly depression and getting treatment http t co is9mstwzwu like share follow,1
brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc perhaps we need to redefine the word depression,1
mizzzidc your mum for that matter irrespective of the past doesn t worth this shame you brought upon her by pasting the screenshot i wish you a quick healing process from your depression don t forget that an addidas sneaker shouldn t worth more than an 00,1
just played beach house day of candy depression cherry,1
depression nap gt gt gt,1
one of the greatest healer of depression is thanksgiving be thankfuk today,1
footballer open up about depression crossydailystar toxic waste i think we know who the toxic waste is here,1
musikpirat durch den h heren preis sinkt die nachfrage und durch den zoll kann sich die marge verringern aber das vor allem spekulanten damit reich und reicher werden und das strafz lle in der weimarer republik und den usa in die great depression gef hrt haben lassen wir au en vor,1
jonnyfx no article on the fact his home wa robbed while he wa at the game and his kid where at home or about his battle with depression nope let twist his one quote about not winning trohpies to drive more hatred journalism these day if you could call it that sickens me,1
die luftfahrtindustrie zieht nach der corona depression wieder voll an allein airbus hat angek ndigt in diesem jahr 0 neue flugzeuge zu bauen gr te herausforderung nat rlich auch dort rohstoffe und energie http t co cdyncinz c,1
the 0 halsey melanie martinez troye sivan lana to 0 depression pipeline,1
idk what it is with depression but it always make you feel like the bad guy me breath me right after what a po always breathing wrong,1
just cause my depression not kicking my as like it use to don t mean i m not still dealing with it,1
ispahanjahane la psychologue dupont marie estelle a trait ce sujet sans oublier la d pression le id e noires,1
je t ai sauv de la rue tu l a sauv de la d pression,1
openaccess thejcpp evidence for machine learning guided early prediction of acute outcome in the treatment of depressed child and adolescent with antidepressant by arjun p athreya of mayoclinic et al http t co jq nldickx depression mentalhealth,1
nothing make me feel more loved than knowing my close friend have my back my depression had been getting to me late at night to the point where i m having trouble sleeping and my anxiety is peaked but i always have the best people to cheer me up and calm my thought,1
that tiktok ab trying combat depression daily wow it is so right,1
u first think the solution to avoid hurt and heartbreak is staying out of love and marriage until u realize that abstinence come with another type of hurt and depression that come with loneliness and not having person u call ur own may love find u,1
if you ask yourself how am i still awake after only sleeping hour it s stressed about bio exam at 0 so im studying running on a black coffee and a bagel about to make another black coffee to stay warm and depression cry,1
she s a afraid of you somebody killed herself bcos of depression after sexual assault by you,1
recently i ve been barely sleeping and eating to the point where i m sometimes embarrassed to go in public because i look like i have two black eye i also have zero energy and frequent tremor in my arm bleh depression suck,1
lecturer are actually the most atrocious people who trigger a lot of depression rude when you ask for help setting quarter to impossible paper and then come to class and brag to student how they ve acquired their degree peak condescension,1
a veces no sentimos tan mal que llegamos a creer que la persona de nuestro alrededor est n fastidiad s de nosotros y queremos platicar con alguien pero ya no queremos molestarlos depresion depression,1
tellyoursonthis it s called depression anxiety and stress in the west black magic someone want you harm while we don t consider other people s action and thought s to be evil or the reason for our misfortune,1
wer mit einem depressiven menschen zu tun hat st t unweigerlich an seine grenzen denn der umgang mit ihnen ist anstrengend in great depression schreibt unsere kolumnistin ber psychische erkrankungen http t co pb wfwnglf,1
derldium dojowrld ain t even gon na lie winning this a day before my bday would be a game changer for my extreme lack of motivation and hella depression a of late lol http t co mpurp prsx,1
mizzzidc mizzzidc you need help depression is setting in pls seek for a professional care,1
0 gi depression,1
if depression wa a garden,1
never felt so embarrassed by our fanbase these last few day all clamouring to support jodi when he spoke about his depression barely even mths ago shouting his name when they see him warming up now he s suddenly a drain on the club and doesn t deserve our support funny that,1
man is my depression ever gon na go away i m honestly so sick of this,1
it s not out of place for people to slip back into depression what s out of place is not seeking help,1
medfitblondie it will also be life changing when you come off of them so much so in my experience that you will one day wish you never started them yes the energy is great the focus is great but when you get off them depression will set in fatigue amp sleepiness will last week,1
quand vous comprendrait que tre gros ne viens pa du fait de mal manger mais de plein d autre facteurs la g n tique le tca le hormone le trouble mentaux la d pression l anxi t ect l o pourrais avancer,1
gaslighting myself into getting rid of my depression and anxiety,1
uncertainty loss and isolation during the covid 9 period have contributed to depression and anxiety exercise is essential to help maintain good mental health and reduce the risk of depression and anxiety brainhealth healthylifestyle avivclinics http t co kpli i bb,1
ohmyelio google with the fact bruh omg i can always count on google to cure me haha but not my depression,1
bon j ai de nouveau tait au m decin hier mon arr t est prolong jusque fin avril et j ai un psy a voir pour parler de ma d pression,1
ik this wa his depression outfit but i couldnt no laugh at it look at him he wa wearing stede s clothes and writing song abt not wanting to let him go izzy how could you do this to u http t co avvlcv ixx,1
mizzzidc nah that depression go finish you,1
seemesimyyyy eya ndalama ivute zibweziso zivute kunja nkwa depression uku,1
the great depression,1
this is the first time i ve cried since december last year it s a powerful feeling emotion run strong i m wired different since i have autism so i react differently and can take depression and sadness easier than most but this hit me hard af,1
currently struggling to deal with headache dizzy chest pain shortness of breath cough sore throat soon depression,1
because of ordinary shoe oloshi leleyi o depression co of ordinary nike sneaker if na lv or prada nko,1
shankiaustine depression,1
i m so open about my experience with postnatal depression because i don t want any new mum frantically googling why don t i love my baby amp what s wrong with me like i did postnatal depression is so common ranging in severity regardless you re not alone,1
butthole depression,1
what if this happened then i dont have money omg slfl depression 0,1
utdjazzy kia kare wou khudh depression mein hai,1
andygaming une seule issue changer il n y aura probablement aucune volution de carri re de plus tu risque de tomber en d pression,1
depression grippe ac,1
darknbold biolakazeem love and light from me too but i had to unfollow him on all his account so not to fall into depression too blaming mourinho not his fault it s the club that chose him over mourinho someone that should come out and humbly apologise to the club and fan before he leaf,1
mtee w deolfc mizzzidc if the lack of respect for some sth serious like abuse then yes but not angry your mother wore your sneaker your sibling don t borrow y alls shoe amp necklace without asking first just to start posting on twitter amp cry depression if sb forgets this one s charger nkor,1
annaxmayr diezeit m hsal schr nkt teilhabe ein besonders wenn diese schon eine weile vorliegt au folgen demoralisierter gem tsverfassung bzw stimmung um nicht von depression zu sprechen wa letztlich dazu f hrt das leute sich zur ckziehen hinweis auf content geh rt einfach zum guten ton,1
me gustar a crear un espacio para hablar sobre los siguientes temas depression peliculas musica hilo ser a muy cool platicar con ustedes que opinan,1
oluwatimeelehin you no dey see report wey say him they battle depression,1
cause of depression 0 mark http t co ha ni dih,1
entering a depression week i feel it,1
could you imagine angel eva fight against titan we got double depression http t co rqscb dom,1
she added i m also emotional because i know this will spiral me back to depression yet she put it out here woke generation and b this one two want to be respected like this,1
mizzzidc this isn t real if it s real your depression is warming up,1
mizzzidc la fisto how about you just move out wtf are you doing living with your parent anyway especially since you re claiming that it s causing your depression,1
when the depression hit,1
sorry if i m not a active i ve been going through depression but my artificial intelligence bot avar is keeping me up,1
i nyctophile yup which is not necessarily equivalent to depression na,1
chaque jour le fc metz me plonge en d pression ce club ne m a pa rendu heureux depuis la victoire face a lyon an et demi sans me rendre heureux,1
i wa one of them it still haunt me and i m unsure if i ll ever let go of having to endure month without support with a newborn and a year old whilst suffering post natal depression i m still feeling the effect nearly two year later pregnantscrewed butnotmaternity,1
angery chungus most opppressed memory loss is a symptom of depression j,1
babdhlamini she s looking for cheap therapy talking about depression and all like this singular act won t push her down that path faster,1
guy seasonal depression is over it s time for just regular depression now im so happy,1
bajabitchin after a week long depression i finally managed to do some work on stuff i m behind on,1
depression healed,1
so why are depressed people so lazy the first thing to realize is that fighting depression is a full time job depressed people sleep a lot because their brain get tired from fighting negative thought and feeling all day,1
karenlo 0 i am okay tired and still struggling with my depression how about you,1
ngayon lang ulit ako nag stay sa bahay kaya nasuot ko mga sando and short kong sa bahay ko lang nasusuot ta napansin ko shett semexy ako mga 9 hahahahaha chariz wala lang na appreciate ko lang yun lang siguro magandang nadulot ng depression sakin wahahahah,1
owen 90 who do british people still eat like there in the great depression era,1
have the perfect combo of cash and depression to go for an absurdly long tattoo session tomorrow sorry to my artist,1
i open to every experience that life offer emotion feeling sadness confusion happiness excitement depression lowest point of life challenge change adventure artistic feel dream desire knowledge new people new culture innovation open mindedness,1
je pense supprimer twitter parce que bonjour la d pression ici y a de personnes joyeuses dans votre tl vous,1
when my depression go wayyy down deep i say okay diana you re going into dark mood what can i do to fix it,1
lately i ve been calling my depression dark mode,1
dude im going to work w my dad today bc he is determined to get me out of depression mode but i am still awake,1
vanessafungamw we need to educate ourselves that it s ok to stay single if there s no right person available marriage already ha enough financial stress then on top of that you do it with the wrong person ndiye ma depression nama bp aya muvi kwati,1
this view of depression is disturbingly common despite all the work mental health activist have put into fighting the stigmatization of mental illness negative and ignorant perception of the disorder remain prevalent,1
this suit me much better than working in a care home and hospital eg i ve had a lot of death and sickness in my life amp i found it fundamentally difficult to manage my depression when facing the end of life and loss of self and huge emotional pain so deeply,1
elmartinsz she said it will spiral her back into depression she might actually need help sha and maybe the parent too sef are being hurtful we don t exactly know her struggle but omo we always tend to support parent in these sort of situation,1
i ve always joked about depression but lately i ve found myself facing overwhelming feeling of a sadness that can t be described in word i pray i have it in me to face this and not get consumed by it,1
depression over nike shoe which your own mother might have bought what disrespect too is this,1
if you get a concealer for hiding your dark spot then why dont you get one for your emotion emotion dark depression quote thought anxiety,1
mizzzidc but move out soon swettie you sound like a breadwinner so have your own place to avoid sinking into depression over sneaker,1
depression is when you don t want to live and don t want to die either,1
amp usually get anxious excited expectant whenever they pick up their phone to refresh their page for new content it often lead to depression amp anxiety disorder,1
depression i love it,1
cpt depression http t co c0clievua9,1
i have been getting body pain by manic depression it s very awkward for drawing,1
i m sure that twitter doesn t know the definition of depression,1
metalgearobama people with depression should not,1
siya oo natashia lindo noxolo n ori rsa i will never understand how they don t see it because it brings nothing but unnecessary stress anxiety and depression,1
a no better way to fight depression http t co qmw or dmf,1
mizzzidc why post it online backing your stupid act with kicking back to depression trying to play emotional game to win pity from people you ll commit suicide because of shoe lol i m sorry for you dear keep up the energy,1
i don t know about y all but i really fucking hate when people act like depression is just being really sad,1
join u next wednesday at am a we cover the urbanhealthcouncil s recent work on ecological health report present urbanisation role in disease development such a depression and it link to air pollution urban planning is healthcare http t co xoz rsunxh,1
hawkmansworld some random person on twitter not hurting anyone bvs helped with my depression match why bvs killed my dog and you should feel bad,1
depression f in suck,1
yung nag hahanap ka ng magandang bl tapos nahanap mo trauma at depression http t co scidekgqjd,1
ugh the struggle with depression and anxiety is real rn not to mention my insomnia is wanting to act up too zzzzzz i hate my brain sometimes,1
oh yes hb to one of the most intr movie in history let s tell each other the impression of our first viewing of electroma i remember it wa in the year 0 and then this film raised a lot of question for me cuz i wa not prepared to sit and watch robot die of depression,1
people in eelam live in depression the reason is that passing every hour from waking up in the morning till going to sleep at night is a difficult task where else but tamil nadu stoparrestingeelamtamils,1
mpilo miya darqhskined asf brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc who bought the shoe for her her work saving or her parent money i understand her being annoyed about the sneaker people can spoil your stuff if you let them wear it too much but it s her mother she didn t have to post it to make her mother look bad amp cry depression,1
et faut aussi arr tez d avoir cette mala de dire ici que vos enfants vont forc ment sombre dans le hors mariage dans la d pression forc e si il ont subits une r gle de caste a croire que c est la seule issu possible,1
just washed the huge pile of post binge depression dish from my bedside table who s proud of me,1
we support you with anxiety stress depression trauma bereavement negative emotion for more information please call 0 0 009 adhd addiction traumainformed trauma cbt mentalhealthmatters depression http t co xdn zg 9 9,1
mizzzidc honestly i think this wa too much for u to treat your mom this way co of sneaker imagine the depression she would feel too that her own daughter took her to social medium co of sneaker what if she had come on sm for the pain she went thru when she had your pregnancy,1
cpt depression correct,1
ammarkhaledmus depression a,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co e stifhjtx,1
ayodi avico allannyash depression,1
mizzzidc la fisto healing from sneaker depression,1
twitringmachine anamardoll i mean with her portrayal of bipolar her view on depression amp victim of suicide autism really wasn t that far out it s like an ableism trifecta autism is weird amp ruin life personality disorder are abusive depression is fake amp attention seeking,1
cpt depression like you and the baby ohhhhhhsnap don t block me,1
drshashsnk hoi but good thing is i can afford both therapy and book no more depression,1
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co 0uhhroudrr,1
yangsfolder lu harus liat rant gue sih i went through stage of depression hari ini,1
pogba is one of the most irresponsible player of this era man tried to pin his depression issh on mourinho who insulted the class of 9 co him he sanctioned a big contract for him and helped him win trophy,1
i fucking hate the depression stage but i developed tool to work around it alcohol and lot of comedy and lot of sleep http t co u0giyncg0j,1
welcome everyone we are happy to continue our discussion on postnatal depression with you now how different is postnataldepression from maternal blue come on in and learn some more postpartummentalhealth timewithdrnita http t co cmfou0tnan,1
br karl lauterbach bundeskanzler c lindner ziehen wir mal milliarden von den 00 milliarden f r bundeswehr ab sonst kommen die an au dem frust in die depression da wird volkswirtschaftlich teuer,1
my alt acc look like it s made by someone with major depression and schizophrenia while being high on ketamine,1
cephaldo mizzzidc these people love depression ke matepe fela mo,1
pharmaceutical vol page 9 depression and autoimmune hypothyroidism amp mdash their relationship and the effect of treating psychiatric and thyroid disorder on change in clinical and biochemical parameter including bdnf and other cytokin http t co i9 bnbj vm,1
the nd account is suspended tho let them rejoice depression is eating them all up,1
fighter kev it s funny how they are all facing stress sorrow and depression then,1
kalau mau ikut logik sndri susah ba tu mau kontrol postpartum punya emosi tp syukur c husband sangat mbantu dalam mengubati amp melayan sy kalau dia kasi biar sy sndri tu konfom sy tewas suda sama postpartum emotion depression,1
trauma is real depression is real don t underestimate them but also don t underestimate the power of allah to treat them anti depressant don t do anything compared to what god can do,1
mother depression arc,1
odogwuelder brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc imagine her doing this drying depression over forgotten sneaker if this one loses her job or a child nkor what will she do,1
cpt depression don t do this to me yesterday wa exhausting,1
stats feed indian doesn t know what is depression we would have been topping the list otherwise,1
mizzzidc any small thing una go tag am mental health depression and trauma so it s co of sneaker your mental health suddenly got affected get your own apartment if you want privacy si,1
myocardium dl shikista could be heart broken depression is yasiat,1
chabi prsk tu l a fais tomb en d pression,1
bunkern 0 korpkvinnan chrissiesth haha vi betalar mer skatt n dig du kan aldrig g till ett sjukhus elr apotek utan att se os d r vi ger typ alla restauranger medan du r sjukanm ld pga ngest och depression,1
the idea that we are not allowed to feel sad depressed grieve over something just because other people have it worse than u is so toxic it invalidates our own feeling and make sadness depression grief a privilege for a selected few,1
depression is the new cool small thing i m depressed a microscopic glance at what s making them depressed amp you ll realise they re trivial amp le worrisome the people who actually undergo depression barely announce it cause a major xteristic of the syndrome is reclusion,1
ethocide mina mina anca oc armenian turkish coffee baklava delight greek alphabet also turkish ottoman persian also turkish genocide also turkish war crime also turkish economic depression also turkish mongol also turkish dictatorship also turkish racism also turkish fascism also turkish rape also turkish sexism also turkish also turkish,1
also the anxiety and post groove depression yho ha a sana,1
didnt know having too much anxiety and the overwhelming depression is gon na make sleep at am sleep all day i misssed a lot,1
the war trauma will take so long to heal god in heaven i pray for peace to come soon said he had fallen into a depression the two day curfew and all the explosion have got to me i had so many plan for this year and now they are gone,1
myb just of the way the chronic depression that ive gotten from wrote down her step on step being killed inside fortheringay castle trapped by pain n wa smth like concrete physical or traumatic scene when elizabeth didnt do anything when the blood gushing from her head,1
in the big city he wa in depression and now please just look at his face this is the face of freedom this is the face of a big relief this is the face of an islander he always had been a mirror of our emotion and now seeing him like this just warms my heart,1
i get angry at myself because of how depressed i get and the fact that i can t control it i m genuinely a happy person so when my depression hit hard i get mad at me,1
tw depression okay besties i need some help opinion ab my struggle with brushing my hair i currently have really bad knot in my hair and i m hispanic white and my hair is so thick and curly i don t understand how to properly take care of it and i haven t brushed my hair,1
it s so satisfying to say i did some work on my writing today and today i can say that amwritersclub amwriting writingcommunity mentalhealth depression mentalillness http t co z b rmtose,1
depression go dey regret why e exist y all blaming your bad character on depression that shit is tired,1
maria0 0 9 depression,1
boningwigald so sieht meine momentane depression au,1
rsk depression,1
iamdepr 9 have you talked to anyone about how you feel mentalhealth depression,1
yinkapost he went into depression i think,1
adewunmitemit 9 weirdpeace olumurewa the sound of your depression,1
absalomjuma kukufa na depression,1
pogba never said that manchester united wa dead to him furthermore just day after opening up about mental health and depression some journalist label pogba a toxic waste absolutely awful and just plain wrong mufc http t co m0oaeifywc,1
solarishilton this wa me in high school because i wa being abused physically and verbally at home and had severe depression but college is different since you don t have to go by law so idk,1
patrick coate jackposobiec agree 00 the arrogance of the biden administration will sink this country into a huge depression liberal been canceling anything and anyone they don t like soon our standard our living will be canceled by others who hate our gut and the dollar,1
engysmohamed of depression,1
bitch come and go but depression stay,1
taking small step move you forward small manageable step allow you to develop your skill and progress faster anxiety anxious depression depressed learning selfhelp http t co jblxbl azz,1
jerotichseii marthakarua the same lot that ha caused oppression depression among the people poverty nepotism and capitalism have found formerly well thought but no longer betrayal is the new normal,1
thepradeeprawat aastha tiwari sir please help state baord student we want internalassessment we are in mental pressure and depression,1
mizzzidc o masepa a ngwana straight wena the way you we spoke to your mom it s like you were talking to your small sister even if you can go back to depression voetsak http t co y hsjd nr,1
orethebrave but we all like writing that we can work under pressure me na to cry i cried sotey i pack my load and left my work place before i go die for depression i don t know who told employer that they don t praise employee but right now in that office thing i did a a,1
guh the anatomy on this is horrible but this wa mostly drawn to help me get through some heavy depression so forgive that,1
buong nier series depression dala,1
mund ia am good bro dealing with some mental health issue bipolar on a depression stage now been on a manic stage for a while,1
depression because of some trainer get a grip man fuckin drama queen,1
mizzzidc imagine what you d do to someone else if you can actually say this rubbish to ur mom and you re so proud of posting this shit damn you re the biggest bastard i ve ever seen in my entire life damn make depression kill you dia you good for nothing daughter ewu fool nama,1
joeedwyer put poet on the moon i want to hear about depression on the moon,1
people just throw the word depression around,1
anyway depression might be a bitch but it feel so good to be alive lt,1
koschbob jonathanhatami the great depression saw crime spike to it highest point in the u especially in regard to theft when job don t pay enough and cost keep rising people who aren t able to lean on supporter or debt resort to crime in order to make it or fall into homelessness amp squalor,1
masha allah i been dey wait make someone tweet this icing taste like sweetened depression of a person with dissociative amnesia,1
fuck depression when,1
i wish i had the kind of depression that knocked me out for a few week at a time so that maybe people would actually realize i m not doing that well but instead i m the olympic champion at masking,1
sorry about message n such i have been stewing in my apartment depression napping tryna will myself to feel better though tomorrow i will try to be functional,1
mizzzidc you are spiralling me back into depression with your tweet http t co a9hjljkr p,1
mizzzidc and you get mind put it here i hope ur bf or husband to be and his mother is seeing what is awaiting them ending it with emotional blackmail of u going into yeye depression nonsense,1
i think i m just a bother to everyone i m going to hurt someone depression imheret 0,1
a blackened sky encroached tugging behind it my depression,1
mtee w deolfc mizzzidc there s a difference between telling her what s it on twitter for for god sake then come here claiming depression everything is depression these day,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina 00,1
hidalgo colle une d pression limoges imaginez paris http t co srdl dukc,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina 99,1
perruchee peteblacklab her dog had a phantom pregnancy and after her depression my auntie decided to breed her and only sell puppy to people she knew so the mumma dog will still see them http t co jvhtisc sf,1
birthday depression just ha an extra level of spice to it,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
mizzzidc you just dragged your mum in the mud over a sneaker and you talk about depression y all know how to throw this word around carelessly don t you making those who are really depressed look like fool when y all are the real fool,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
an overview of the biology of depression http t co kia ver ul,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
gaindaswamy ye kon si ameero wali bimari hai mujhe to sirf depression pata thi,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
i miss those day where we used to play till we saw the sun go down now life s just stress stress stress with a huge dollop of depression,1
being border restricted victim day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempt and much more that we can t express in word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina,1
the funniest part about that tweet is the lady saying her mom wearing her sneaker will spiral her back to depression obviously doesn t have real life problem if her mom wearing her shoe sends her into depression,1
gemhostofficial jwu po from depression nap,1
pyromg massive depression and sudden musical interlude i have two trait shut up,1
imohumoren that s where i have a problem not knowing who s is who till i got con of 00usd con another neighbour of 00k sold the gen in my family house now have till april end before i get kicked out all i have now is depression desperation without smoking,1
iamigboblood nonyekings mizzzidc likeee someone who s depressed with rant they ll go low they won t even bring it to social medium doe she know what depression mean people who re depressed don t cap outside,1
glamgirlgargiee beleg bur or bhal hoisiii o exam huni huni moi depression t gusi goisiiii,1
dmurr emotional stability it will cater to a lot of depression and suicidal situation,1
i m not here to debate y all if my take make you uncomfortable good critical thinking isn t flowery it s why i have clinical depression i m prone to screaming about it into the void,1
why do i feel like i m being punished for having depression,1
when the depression start feeling like ruining all your friendship,1
capillarity n the rise or depression of a liquid in a narrow tube french related to capillary,1
well i ve made it in to college i may have little makeup on and comfy clothes and drank alcohol to fall asleep last night but at least i m out of bed i don t want this depression anymore,1
viennaceleste no wednesday game with viewer that s almost equal to clinical depression c,1
body ache is one of the worst thing about depression i hate it,1
brother silverr mizzzidc la fisto she s the reason for her own depression and by the way i think she need therapy on how to keep off from clout,1
just realized that urdu word for depression is dil shakistagi the defeat of heart the feeling that whatever war you were fighting for sanity are lost your wall are broken and now you need a rescue whoever coined it really knew what it felt like,1
mizzzidc i know this will spiral me back to depression of all thing to spiral one back to depression you chose this ya just mental is your shoe that precious you own mother fah mehn gtfoh,1
fardachev reasonablemangh telefootball but we were winning thing it wa just imaginary depression on part of the football they got ole a manager and what did he do worse than moyes,1
tutsy e say e wan heal from the depression torus bata notori olohun,1
this is beautiful but now i also have depression,1
how comedian battle depression and stress in private life fantegh on th http t co gwdy td via youtube,1
important sign you may need help for depression now via pensignal mentalhealth depression selfhelp medical psychology http t co y zdkxgqk,1
dktofficiall i haven t talked about depression in my post kindly read again but yes if you feel depressed kindly seek help,1
zerohedge depression is spelled with a d not r,1
welcome to my dark side via smedian network life parenting mentalhealth depression motherhood http t co kciu zdx,1
asante se she is driving herself to depression by being selfish and vicious,1
andilegcumisa maybe i underestimate this depression thing,1
shrooms and chocolate bar edible good for depression and anxiety ht http t co dz9jxhaant,1
mizzzidc what nonsense disrespect your mom then dangle depression toxic human,1
diljan sidhu samhaig90 9 figenabler his severe depression say otherwise,1
cahmo done condone nonsense in your marriage oo that s how most woman slip into depression your life must not revolve around your man them no born two of una together if he love and respect you he won t drag you in the poteaux poteaux,1
tutsy u are minding her she come say she won enter depression i said happy depression ijmn ungrateful soul,1
erdbeerquaark und morgen depression friday,1
medfitblondie brain altering mood depression anger no way god bless you,1
everyone subtweeting their s o saying sad shit is a fucking goober please save some of your depression for when bong bong win,1
said he had fallen into a depression the two day curfew and all the explosion have got to me i had so many plan for this year and now they are gone,1
you ever see your depression dread and feel kinda racist,1
unkleayo i just hate it when toxic people play the depression card after hurting another person if one ha truly struggled with deep sadness hurting another person would be the least in your agenda unless you re a psycho,1
eleyvanbow jamesgrickards when the russian economy enters recession then depression and the ruble continues to get hammered the russian people will find solace in the fact that their central bank bought gold the last couple year,1
i ended my depression when i stopped procrastinating free ebook unlock your power via r freeebooks http t co v wwlg p,1
post concert depression lt lt lt barmi ma,1
mompontet je savais qu il tait en pleine d pression mais a n excuse pa tout,1
year ago i wa a grade student this is probably the funniest class i have ever had before diving in to depression next school year http t co u ufvp ea,1
i hate when the sadness creep in on me depression b like time to over think about and worry about everything and remember how alone u are u are a huge disappointment it take so much out of me to build myself up sometimes,1
your mom deserves a better child than you you said she forgot them not intentionally leave them there so why are you barking and degrading your mom in public for some clout hope the depression is the end of you btw,1
no online class for upcoming class 0th there must be both option of both online and offline class whole year online class lead to stress depression and pressure incomplete course and offline exam this is not fair at all smeodisha,1
i have tuned in into pak v au sadness depression trophy series,1
imma just give a head up incase my brain want to fuck me over more in the next few hour im in a really rough spot mentally rn so tweet will be really weird sad funny or just irl b idk expect fuck shit here and there mixed with depression it s hittin hard,1
every time i do life drawing at my old uni after work it s a mix of relief and relaxation getting to have a creative outlet and extreme sadness and depression wanting to learn and enjoy drawing again knowing i don t fit in and i ll be overwhelmed and break down again if i tried,1
midwest republican called themselves progressive then democrat were mostly conservative til fdr when thing changed cuz the previous yr harding coolidge hoover had been anything but progressive dems became more liberal in the depression republican more hidebound,1
i get so many thing done when i m not in a depression episode,1
mrrholmes photography film photography movie depression abel good taste just being chill,1
depression is real lady lere jesa pay tsa rona bohloko,1
among child in ohc 9 diagnosed with psych neurodev disorder compared with 0 among those never in ohc the most common disorder among child in ohc were depression anxiety disorder neurodev disorder oppositional defiant disorder conduct disorder odd cd,1
bolajioyebode depression co your mama wear your bata where are these people from,1
there is stage of grief denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance,1
it wa just who i am a reason behind the way my mind worked it doesn t make the depression sting any le but it make it bearable to know that this is just a way of life one i don t have to spend every second trying to push away but to learn to move together,1
emilthedk zebragrun so ist e auf dem gymnasium meiner jung auch zwei m dchen ritzen sich eine mit depression momentan in der klinik zwei jung nicht mehr beschulbar klassenstufen 9 und ef und da wa wir mitbekommen ist sicher nur die spitze de eisbergs e ist furchtbar,1
ryangtweetstv i absolutely agree it seems like he s running away from the issue here rather than facing it head on stacey made it very clear how dangerous mania can get and the depression that follows yet he choose to basically run away i think you may be right about harvey s wife,1
mushroom capsule available full dose for people suffering from serve depression anxiety amp serve pain mentalhealthmatters mentalhealth nftgiveaways psychedelic http t co wty f nmue,1
not this werey playing the depression card,1
mizzzidc i hope you kee yourself with that depression,1
skynews jayneseckersky rishisunak there are two meaning for depression and we are heading for both,1
brown eyed gyel that s not depression dude that s being upset http t co ofshzqrka0,1
oh hey it s the depression hour,1
pogba a re re mo tsentse depression,1
i am not an ecomomist but i wa hit by the last recession to me i feel this will be more like recession depression i wa above my level in high school for this field hang on to your money,1
helpsophia mein bahut depression mein hun maam for money plz give me 0k i will return u your money in few month plz mam,1
dmt powder helping with depression amp anxiety dmt psychedelics nftgiveaways mentalhealth mushroomhead http t co xjixiuinun,1
divya gandotra to be in continuous state of doubt anxiety and depression that s their motto it seems,1
thlolo march eh it s because i don t want stress mjolo uyi depression,1
i hate it when i m having depression day and then something i wrote get published like i m sad but also happy but also guilty for being sad brain bitch what do u want,1
educational depression,1
dmt powder helping with depression amp anxiety dmt psychedelics nftgiveaways mentalhealth mushroomhead http t co rerydsu9,1
the great depression money armageddon ep0 http t co b9 lryf n,1
switchfoot http twitpic com y zl awww that s a bummer you shoulda got david carr of third day to do it d,0
is upset that he can t update his facebook by texting it and might cry a a result school today also blah,0
kenichan i dived many time for the ball managed to save 0 the rest go out of bound,0
my whole body feel itchy and like it on fire,0
nationwideclass no it s not behaving at all i m mad why am i here because i can t see you all over there,0
kwesidei not the whole crew,0
need a hug,0
loltrish hey long time no see yes rain a bit only a bit lol i m fine thanks how s you,0
tatiana k nope they didn t have it,0
twittera que me muera,0
spring break in plain city it s snowing,0
i just re pierced my ear,0
caregiving i couldn t bear to watch it and i thought the ua loss wa embarrassing,0
octolinz it it count idk why i did either you never talk to me anymore,0
smarrison i would ve been the first but i didn t have a gun not really though zac snyder s just a doucheclown,0
iamjazzyfizzle i wish i got to watch it with you i miss you and iamlilnicki how wa the premiere,0
hollis death scene will hurt me severely to watch on film wry is director cut not out now,0
about to file tax,0
lettya ahh ive always wanted to see rent love the soundtrack,0
fakerpattypattz oh dear were you drinking out of the forgotten table drink,0
alydesigns i wa out most of the day so didn t get much done,0
one of my friend called me and asked to meet with her at mid valley today but i ve no time sigh,0
angry barista i baked you a cake but i ated it,0
this week is not going a i had hoped,0
blagh class at tomorrow,0
i hate when i have to call and wake people up,0
just going to cry myself to sleep after watching marley and me,0
im sad now miss lilly,0
ooooh lol that leslie and ok i won t do it again so leslie won t get mad again,0
meh almost lover is the exception this track get me depressed every time,0
some hacked my account on aim now i have to make a new one,0
alielayus i want to go to promote gear and groove but unfornately no ride there i may b going to the one in anaheim in may though,0
thought sleeping in wa an option tomorrow but realizing that it now is not evaluation in the morning and work in the afternoon,0
julieebaby awe i love you too am here i miss you,0
humpninja i cry my asian eye to sleep at night,0
ok i m sick and spent an hour sitting in the shower cause i wa too sick to stand and held back the puke like a champ bed now,0
cocomix0 ill tell ya the story later not a good day and ill be workin for like three more hour,0
missxu sorry bed time came here gmt http is gd fnge,0
fleurylis i don t either it depressing i don t think i even want to know about the kid in suitcase,0
bed class work gym or then class 0 another day that s gon na fly by i miss my girlfriend,0
really don t feel like getting up today but got to study to for tomorrow practical exam,0
he s the reason for the teardrop on my guitar the only one who ha enough of me to break my heart,0
sad sad sad i don t know why but i hate this feeling i wan na sleep and i still can t,0
jonathanrknight awww i soo wish i wa there to see you finally comfortable im sad that i missed it,0
falling asleep just heard about that tracy girl s body being found how sad my heart break for that family,0
viennah yay i m happy for you with your job but that also mean le time for me and you,0
just checked my user timeline on my blackberry it look like the twanking is still happening are ppl still having probs w bgs and uids,0
oh man wa ironing jeancjumbe s fave top to wear to a meeting burnt it,0
is strangely sad about lilo and samro breaking up,0
tea oh i m so sorry i didn t think about that before retweeting,0
broadband plan a massive broken promise http tinyurl com dcuc via www diigo com tautao still waiting for broadband we are,0
localtweeps wow ton of reply from you may have to unfollow so i can see my friend tweet you re scrolling the feed a lot,0
our duck and chicken are taking wayyy too long to hatch,0
put vacation photo online a few yr ago pc crashed and now i forget the name of the site,0
i need a hug,0
andywana not sure what they are only that they are po a much a i want to i dont think can trade away company asset sorry andy,0
oanhlove i hate when that happens,0
i have a sad feeling that dallas is not going to show up i got ta say though you d think more show would use music from the game mmm,0
ugh 9 degree tomorrow,0
where did u move to i thought u were already in sd hmmm random u found me glad to hear yer doing well,0
batmanyng i miss my p it s out of commission wutcha playing have you copped blood on the sand,0
just leaving the parking lot of work,0
the life is cool but not for me,0
sadly though i ve never gotten to experience the post coitus cigarette before and now i never will,0
i had such a nice day too bad the rain come in tomorrow at am,0
starrbby too bad i won t be around i lost my job and can t even pay my phone bill lmao aw shuck,0
damm back to school tomorrow,0
mo job no money how in the hell is min wage here f n clam an hour,0
katortiz not forever see you soon,0
lt algonquin agreed i saw the failwhale allllll day today,0
jdarter oh haha dude i dont really look at em unless someone say hey i added you sorry i m so terrible at that i need a pop up,0
ninjen i m sure you re right i need to start working out with you and the nikster or jared at least,0
i really hate how people dis my band trace is clearly not ugly,0
gym attire today wa puma singlet adidas short and black business sock and leather shoe lucky did not run into any cute girl,0
why won t you show my location http twitpic com y e,0
no picnic my phone smell like citrus,0
ashleyac my donkey is sensitive about such comment nevertheless he d and me d be glad to see your mug asap charger is still awol,0
no new csi tonight fml,0
i think my arm are sore from tennis,0
wonder why someone that u like so much can make you so unhappy in a split seccond depressed,0
sleep soon i just hate saying bye and see you tomorrow for the night,0
statravelau just got ur newsletter those fare really are unbelievable shame i already booked and paid for mine,0
missin the boo,0
markhardy 9 me too itm,0
damn i don t have any chalk my chalkboard is useless,0
had a blast at the getty villa but hate that she s had a sore throat all day it s just getting worse too,0
msdrama hey missed ya at the meeting sup mama,0
my tummy hurt i wonder if the hypnosis ha anything to do with it if so it s working i get it stop smoking,0
why is it always the fat one,0
januarycrimson sorry babe my fam annoys me too thankfully they re asleep right now muahaha evil laugh,0
hollywoodheat i should have paid more attention when we covered photoshop in my webpage design class in undergrad,0
wednesday my b day don t know what do,0
poor cameron the hill,0
pray for me please the ex is threatening to start sh at my our baby st birthday party what a jerk and i still have a headache,0
makeherfamous hmm do u really enjoy being with him if the problem are too constant u should think thing more find someone ulike,0
strider is a sick little puppy http apps facebook com dogbook profile view,0
so rylee grace wana go steve s party or not sadly since it easter i wnt b able do much but ohh well,0
hey i actually won one of my bracket pool too bad it wasn t the one for money,0
stark you don t follow me either and i work for you,0
a bad nite for the favorite team astros and spartan lose the nite out with t w wa good,0
body of missing northern calif girl found police have found the remains of a missing northern california girl http tr im imji,0
mangaaa i hope they will increase the capacity fast yesterday wa such a pain got the fail whale time in hour,0
behind on my class for work,0
watching quot house quot,0
kpreyes remember my bum leg strike back this time it serious,0
paradisej cool i will their are all kind of complaint about this laptop online about overheating but no recall,0
emily will be glad when mommy is done training at her new job she miss her http apps facebook com dogbook profile view 0,0
would rather the first party send bad message than the rd party send mixed one sophmore year all over again,0
henkuyinepu it s overrated,0
marykatherine q i know i heard it this afternoon and wondered the same thing moscow is so behind the time,0
laying in bed with no voice,0
i m sooo sad they killed off kutner on house whyyyyyyyy,0
jacobsummers sorry tell them mea culpa from me and that i really am sorry,0
alliana0 it didn t make any sense to me the suicide thing i refuse to believe that that is actually what happened,0
salancaster hope your ok,0
mercedesashley damn the grind is inspirational and saddening at the same time don t want you to stop cuz i like what u do much love,0
hibanick yeah aw but i know i wudnt stand a chance,0
ugh cant sleep it 0am,0
hanging in crooner wan na sing can t suck,0
erre sc aaw i miss ya all too im leaving to bh tomorrow quot morning quot i think aww i wan na go to the beach w u girl,0
is pissed off that there s no asba s for a radio station,0
wednesday my b day n don t know what do,0
i know my life ha been flipped upside down when i just thought in my head that some ramen sound good,0
i am in pain my back and side hurt not to mention cry is made of fail,0
late night snack glass of oj b c i m quot down with the sickness quot then back to sleep ugh i hate getting sick,0
allyheman but but but i m not a big fan on camilla belle,0
grum wah i can t see clip must be el stupido work filter can t wait till i get a puter something else blame ex he broke mine,0
this week just seems to get longer and longer in term of how much i need to do and how much i m actually going to get done,0
i m so cold,0
thecoolestout ehhh don t weather s gon na take a turn for the ugly tomorrow,0
chelserlynn haha it so cooooold in the d and no but you should still go to the show they do some incredible stuff,0
hoping the tummy rumble go away soon,0
knight no no notice they told me i d be working tomorrow and then i called the agency to follow up and they said it wa over,0
almost bedtime,0
i m missing you babe but a long a your alive i m happy yawwwnn i m tired my love imma try to sleep hopefully you had a headstart,0
agh snow,0
i miss kenny power,0
bridgetsbeaches thank you for letting people know but now i m sad that the direct message i got wasn t actually from bridget,0
and india missed out it 00th test victory n 0th consecutive win without a loss,0
jonathanrknight i guess that s a no then,0
sadly is going to bed,0
ozesteph 99 shame to hear this stephan,0
mrsaintnick hey i m leavin in the morning,0
wa intending to finish editing my page novel manuscript tonight but that will probably not happen and only page are left,0
laid around too much today now my head hurt,0
twista 0 i still haven t read the 9th amp 0th princess diary saving francesca made me cry at the end hmm those are easy book,0
my nokia 0 died,0
my mom might have breast cancer won t find out anything for like a week i m so worried,0
going to sleep hoping tomorrow is a better day,0
rumblepurr lol wish they understood daylight saving ha ended though and breakfast is an hour later they keep waking the kid up too,0
onemoreproject that is lame,0
i don t understand i really don t,0
hero just isn t doing it for me this season,0
living not downtown sure isn t much fun,0
jonathanchard not calorie wise i wish junk food wa calorie free i ate a thing of sour skittle and a big as cherry coke,0
man work is hard,0
getting sick time for some hot tea studying and then sleeeep,0
getting eyebrow waxed more pain,0
no phantasy star yesterday going to work,0
oh just got all my macheist 0 apps sweet didn t get the espresso serial no though although they said they sent it oh well,0
picked mich st to win it all from the get go wa feeling pretty good about that pick all the way up until tonight a s lost too,0
is alone downstairs working,0
i feel bad for doing it,0
ryanseacrest is it just me or she hate anoop i mean seriously she s kinda mean to him,0
pinkserendipity yes sprint ha g only in baltimore and chicago so far,0
i m stuck awake in the middle of the night for the second day in a row and i felt terrible yesterday,0
thanks for bursting my bubble,0
going to school soon can t find anything to wear gosh it s so hard,0
marieclr i wa serious lol,0
naughtyhaughty i had on my page for sooooo long until it got deleted sad day in history,0
crazy wind today no birding http ff im xtti,0
currently at work,0
grrr my ipod acting weird too jai ho and thinking of you aren t playing the full song ughh,0
penndbad send me the dvd co i have missed out on heap not happy about that,0
i don t see the big deal with this website,0
machineplay i m so sorry you re having to go through this again therapyfail,0
colindemar far too out of the way for rail any other tip,0
i m not still up i swear why do i keep losing gaining losing gaining tweeps so heart wrenching,0
today i realized i am too good at hiding thing even i can t find it,0
staying at a friend house house sitting neighbor are so loud having a party,0
dannyvegasbaby danny im upset that i wasnt here to watch the live chat i wa in a car for hour on a trip im soooo upset,0
check out my mug http www erika obscura blogspot com,0
border closed at 0,0
downloading nin s new album quot the slip quot when the hell did this come out i m so behind the time these day,0
just woke up an already have written some e mail i ve to go early at university today a i have to teach at 0 am,0
is watching the hill and it making me sad,0
so many channel yet so so boring lazy day again may have to find a hobby,0
supersport i miss my buddy ill be in ny on the th,0
robluketic love the french i tell people here in the south i m qtr french and they snarl at me french are beautiful people,0
opps a i said i still got one day remain and now problem come,0
i activated my selfcontrol block early meaning i can t check out the new qc regularizing my internal clock is might be difficult fb,0
hillydop oh no,0
spencer is not a good guy,0
goodlaura what about reese dying on ttsc and season finale next week boring madame president is a crazy woman,0
jonathanrknight i hate the limited letter too hope you and the guy are fine i pray for my dog she s not well,0
didn t get shit done today i m so screwed,0
wanttss to go out,0
is not going to sleep tonite,0
too worried and tired to post tonight,0
couldn t get shit done today i m so screwed,0
job interview in cardiff today wish me luck got about hour sleep,0
stustone your show is whack way worse than whack it s wiggety whack,0
djalizay i really don t think people choose to be that way but i think he chose not to accept my family s help he might be dead by now,0
eloquentembrace you re going to kill me but i ve not seen ds9 i ve been waiting till i can do it in one solid week sitting,0
cheechbud i think ur right hahaha hr now,0
i hate to see the spartan so sad,0
my mind and body are severely protesting this quot getting up quot thing had nightmare to boot,0
mysteezradio i m goin to follow u since u didn t lol go angel,0
mandayyy,0
twista 0 i think i want to read some book but the library doesn t have them,0
my nap wa interrupted so many time today going out for japanese with the rent again,0
kind of longs for the bus that show up at the end of ghost world right now ugh,0
gurumn but this is canada canada is weird we re supposed to get snow through wednesday ugh,0
awwh babs you look so sad underneith that shop entrance of quot yesterday s musik quot o i like the look of the new transformer movie,0
sad that the foot of my macbook just fell off,0
i m gon na get up late tomorrow and it s am here i gon na get tipsy by my lonesome that s that s just sad,0
i m sweating my forthcoming trip to e if i can t find someone to crash with while i m out there i may be screwed,0
ha now gotten somebody to read his tweet but cant get them to make an account,0
infinitydefines omgawd i couldnt handle my cat being in heat all the time d d,0
donniewahlberg i hope i can make it to the auburn show but it not looking good for me,0
david henrie thats people mag haha i couldnt fit it all in i dont think those picture ever made it in the magazine tho haha,0
breadandbadger congrats i totally forgot to submit photo,0
paulaabdul awww good luck paula please don t work too hard but i hope you have fun your new album is gon na be amazing xxx,0
imaginarypeach now your leaving me get sad,0
i miss you twitter my phone broke now i m using a stupid nokia phone ughhh i miss my advance phone,0
shooting outside my house o not kidding so scared,0
tuesday ll start with reflection n then a lecture in stress reducing technique that sure might become very useful for u accompaniers,0
what tragedy and disaster in the news this week,0
yes yes still trying to find a picture that will upload correclty,0
why oh why wa the red sox game rained out i wa so looking forward to opening day,0
i still can t find my key,0
charlietm i know right i dunno what is going on with twitter,0
might be getting a sore throat again,0
labelsnotlove my home town my mammy called all depressd pls explain y a parent let their yr old child walk alone hello it 009,0
ircmaxell i think i need to find better anti depressant i think this paxil wellbutrin combo is losing it efficacy,0
myconnecticut restaurant called woodntap ha competitive eating tourney round tourney time we place nd,0
is in the bathroom wake up lakin,0
caitlinoconnor i want taco and margarhitas telll gay i say hello lt,0
im lonely keep me company female california,0
bad day at the betfair office,0
i miss him can t wait to celebrate the tar heel win this weekend though,0
i m really cold i don t want to go to sleep yet but there s nothing to do,0
kristencampisi is this it u it officially over me this go round,0
monkey i just found out you my twin and you wont even write back i m heartbroken,0
miss om aww i know i felt like that yesterday at work,0
sarahreedsc treaty isn t defined,0
missed brent at praise band no fun to not have the your lead guitarist lt pout gt,0
jpfurry poor john this is what happens when you play with fruit and a microwave seriously though have you seen a doctor xxx,0
missing my bff watching home and away it reminds me of her and me we lt it shout out to u court,0
mandayyy,0
new video card is doa,0
feeling lost naked and confused jk sort of no iphone for me,0
damn i am so late at filling this appraisal form people have almost sent it i wa so occupied in work,0
missed brent at praise band no fun to not have your lead guitarist lt pout gt,0
i think to much on the past i cant change it i deserved so much more then wat i got but why am i still thinking about him gah,0
ha lost his ring it s no where to be seen,0
burgaw ooooooh sealclap see i download shitloads of zip folder off chan i have no internet money fuck yeah alicia amp mikey,0
is still nursing my nile but glad he is feeling better i hate when my baby is sick,0
is fucked to go back to ic,0
brandizzzle0 yoyoyo my internet ha been rude tonight it just reconnected and i m about to go to bed,0
jemcam well i have uni stuff and netball but after netbal if i ve done uni stuff we can,0
kissability me too i is poor,0
help me forget th april amp th july,0
dierks bentley is comin to columbus oh i wan na go so bad,0
i have to take my sidekick back,0
chriscantore congrats i m totally jealous only wish my xm wa working,0
gr t my face is very itchy,0
poor sock luvvvvv the golden retriever i want one sighhhh,0
i just saw that they found that tracy girl in a piece of luggage how fucking terrible,0
aaaaand the nausea is back,0
donniewahlberg ooh i m excited and not even going be there long love youtube,0
spent hour to reach to axis bank only to find out today is holiday for mahavir jayanti contd,0
mathewsmichael i agree the jobros dont update there very often,0
fishmouse it is hilarious and i linked the clip from lj some time ago but when i went back just now it wa a dead link,0
diannepulham oooooooo who with im not neither but thats because i need to study,0
haven t tweeted nearly all day posted my website tonight hopefully that go well night time,0
bostongarden i miss bentley,0
seriously need to finish these job application,0
my son vinca is sick so i stay at home just three tense day at work and i am back on holiday with kid,0
whinging my client amp bos don t understand english well rewrote some text unreadable it s written by v good writer amp reviewed correctly,0
huntermoore i don t want him to ever punch me,0
sooo sick of the snow ughh,0
it nemesis,0
lovemeagan it doesn t work your fan is upset,0
i would like to apologize for the repeated video game live related tweet i am going to have a stern discussion with koodo soon stern,0
zaydia but i cant figure out how to get there back pay for a hotel etc,0
fml so much for seniority bc of technological ineptness i now have to quot register quot for class again,0
feel like she slept the day away not looking forward to any more bout with my gallbladder at least i have pill now for the pain,0
thastevieg but what i really want is my old bass back,0
mad tired today callin it in early tonight nighty night twittas,0
levenrambin take it easy and be good to you,0
i m afraid i had bad code,0
think i m going to bed goodniight i hate this,0
riancurtis i m here friend and i love you,0
kariajay all this time you didn t notice i wa gone just needed db is it,0
aaronrva is in the bathroom and i have to pee,0
ashleyskyy but i wanted a margarita too,0
kourtneykardash yup night workout r the worst but unfortunetly my work schedule only allows me to go at night it tough,0
just called hillsong again they said they couldn t tell me where i wa on the waiting list i don t know if it s looking so good,0
ha 0g of milky bar left and around 00ml of coke,0
jokerrrr it stillllll hasn t arrived,0
mraow i feel like dancing but first art school want to rape me some more,0
karenucol ah i bet it doe i ve been like craving to play softball or basketball but i have noo time,0
is terrified she accidentally deleted a reference in her management assignment and hope she doesnt get in trouble when she get back,0
amazon s plugin not worked in my website it need php but my hosting provider ha only php very sad,0
argh i wa suuuper sleepy an hour ago now i m wide awake hope i don t stay up all night,0
austinhill i wish i wa sold out if you have some time let me know i would love to hear more about what you are up to,0
just watched tropic thunder dreading tomorrow,0
qweendassah no he s still miss n,0
chiefdelphi is down,0
http twitpic com y wr according to my bro our new puppy had a poo fight and wa covered in poop picture stolen from him,0
playing game at home my new bos didn t call me yet,0
su yin huen tweeted i feel unbearable guilt i made my staff cry http tinyurl com cw l9t,0
poor joshy is sick those damn tejanos,0
my thought are with sandra cantu s family at this difficult and sad time,0
franzglaus i know just wanted to let everybody know what wa happening,0
michigan who i don t know them sigh shameful,0
i have to fill two hour,0
alicayaba so cuuute hey i miss you na it not the same not seeing you girl everyday,0
jonathanrknight oh did i mention it quot gooooood moooorniiiiiiing quot from germany im back in my cage or better my office,0
throat is closing up and i had some string cheese not a good idea,0
aww sandra cantu is found dead in a suitcase missing child story never seem to go good poor family,0
wishing i wa home underneath my cover,0
walking home from school drain all my energy,0
ridley 0 i agree the shapeshifting is a copout i wa so excited for angela s ep i thought it wa this week noah wa awesome tho,0
savethestrib dang i would have done this if i knew it wa there earlier any other outing planned,0
i wish i wa better at writing it s taking me so long to write this paper,0
and of course i have access to my halo mythic map pack re download but bad news not the legendary map pack ugh 00ms,0
vene ia not yet unfortunately another few week i ve been told how are you i ve been a little bit busy with my latest project,0
thecoolestout ha the sun s already gone,0
day a lot harder than day let s see how day go tomorrow,0
my man crush jake peavy let me down gayforpeavy,0
trishzw megafast trip you have time during day tom wed or you going out tonight want to see you bad tried to warn you tech fail,0
michigan state you make me sad,0
omg my mouth is in so much pain i just wan na sleep untill it time to take my brace off,0
getting annoyed easily today gt gt gt biofuel proposal getting annoyed easily today gt gt gt biof http tinyurl com ceprvs,0
mizzchievouz hey girl the site is back girlyvue is back and they have even more video,0
a hleyf i m spending time with my grandma early tomorrow and i can t leave skittle by herself,0
just got home from watching michigan state get tromped,0
oh jew bus two year worth of class work is alot to organize gt lt i m not finishing tonight it s not possible my bone ache,0
griffmiester no exchanging for me my laptop hasn t arrived,0
hyperbets i hope this doesn t last too long i feel miserable,0
rcompo rachel hang outage is neccessary i wa gon na be home this wekend but dumb folk make me work so im free f and sat until,0
theleaguesf not fun amp furious the new mantra for the bay breaker it wa getting rambunctious the city overreacted amp clamped down,0
amber benson my hubby for some reason think it s more important he ha a good spot for red carpet for the trek movie premiere sod,0
i swear no matter how long i ve been getting up at am it never get any easier man my eye hurt wah,0
jeffree star jeffree how do you keep your hair one color my permanent dye fade within the week,0
otakusecret my reaction too whoa didn t see that coming,0
still sick feeling a bit better got some new medicine hope i feel good after a night of sleep ohh and it s suppose to snow wtf,0
dangerm0use i think maybe you should get a couple more hour of sleep hon how productive can you be right now if ur dog tired i worry,0
maddyva thanks a lot learned a lot of new word but didn t find what i wa looking for,0
wish i had all the xblm downloads all on the gamertag hitokyri this gamertag thing is nonsense and i m tired of it,0
new testament test at 9 0 am,0
scoutbuck ton no hay troll ahhhh,0
stupid movie we watched mirror ugggggh stooopeeed rip off,0
http twitpic com y yi i love you buck,0
last one but still not done,0
homework,0
i don t understand why thing get taken away i didn t have enough time with him it unfair i want him back he wa like my baby,0
scratch that du in heif two in a half cooky my tum just can t take anymore shoog poots,0
cococourtney i wa just listening to the sweet for the first time in forever i miss them so much can we go to chi town for visit plz,0
geez what a busy afternoon meeting email meeting and email and more meeting pm and the day is still going ah it dark and,0
dang another spring break how cool is that too bad i have to work all week oh well more money for a phone ttyl everbody,0
sara kate im afraid too ur reply about uni from age ago,0
feeling down,0
carvin lol they are some emotional as men omg all this late night eating both of u are broke,0
nick carter aww nick i like your hair longer why did you cut it off break my heart,0
wonder if jon lost the net,0
wow the most depressing thing in the world is losing a video that you ve created in a matter of second fml,0
nchokkan http www mycomicshop com search tid 9 0 but all say not in stock,0
poohpot lmao im sorry poohpot i ate it all,0
any chance softbelly for mtub isn t loud,0
time to move my posterior and lose some fat my articulation are creaking so no more running but i m drool for some swimming,0
listening to nathan cry,0
today sucked i m gon na die without chris and callum wahhh,0
stou site not update no info about exam and open course i must wait for mail notice and doc um,0
ohsbrat 0 i m sorry i m feeling kinda yucky myself am is going to come too quick,0
is in love with scrappy and is missin him already,0
want to hear seblefebvre s song but myspace is messing with me,0
bad news wa dad ha cancer and is dying good news new business started and i am now a life coach practising holistic weight management,0
duchess rebecca man intervention is soo sad,0
help i need a new boyfriend i m stuck in a rut,0
i feel like a complete idiot i m the only one who doesn t get how this shit work help me,0
saw an ad on craigslist for a casting call for a female host on g i wa totally psyched but realized it wa a hoax,0
pepperoni roll in l a i called valentino s they said that they had sausage roll but no pepperoni roll http tinyurl com cec ka,0
soillodge yes it will be it s only monday,0
i want the new gg episode already,0
i miss watching rocko s modern life,0
rip sandra it so sad how can someone do something like that,0
keeping my finger crossed for my buddy he is not feeling well,0
wait should i eat or be skinny for vega i m hungry,0
marge inovera i tried tweetdeck once and i hated it with a passion or it hated me i m not sure,0
benackerman btw my iphone is acting funny dying quickly and freezing and b i m not admitting anything just sayin,0
sitting here wondering why quot ed quot still ha such a strong hold on me,0
bananaface im sorry i got you sick lol going to bed too night,0
carolrainbow no internet at home have to drive into ox to use internet because of builder,0
steve buscemi the weather in canada is freezing,0
twiggassssssss i been out of range all day i m back now and hopefully for good,0
danadearmond,0
anyone who read this pray for my grandma she s in pain,0
woke up and wa having an accident quot it s pushing it s pushing quot he wa cry because he couldn t stop from wetting his pant,0
home from franklin street i almost jumped over a fire someone kicked it before i could jenny lost her shoe,0
johnnybeane hey you just changed your default,0
finally gave in and wa bored enough to start this thing i think the 0 is going to be a problem for me tho it like a myspace status,0
ellievolia if oooonly we were really so lucky eh and awh definitely too early for work,0
buttload of homework,0
need another copy of visual studio 00,0
why to we the only school in the world be in this week my school is silly anyway look on the bright side when i m off u will be in,0
omg i ve an economics test and i dont know all the thing i have to know and omg im gon na fail,0
robcthegeek once upon a time hundred island wa the pride of philippine tourism but coral clam rare fish poaching did it in kinda sad,0
henkuyinepu yeah apparently i have really bad taste,0
hummiemd i know i wa really surprised since everyone recommends them on youtube i have to call them tomorrow and figure it all out,0
waiting at the airport for my ride while i get harassed by men trying to sell me ugly hat why me i just want to sleep,0
i left my id at the location and now i can not go out to bar fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk,0
celycarmo i m sorry i don t understand your last comment,0
officialrandl when is the announcement i stayed up late last night,0
kishorek this is strange illegal torrent avlbl everywhere legal dvd not in stock what do i do now,0
it not enough to say that imiss u,0
this trolley ha up packed in like sardine padre game and they remove a car good call mt,0
randomlynat jeez i wa just trying to help haha,0
supamagg that happened to me saturday night along with my glittery green lighter,0
trying to reduce the number of cigarette in each day,0
yea it is so quiet around here cuz everyone ha to work im bored to death with nobody to talk to,0
got ta do my cooking assignment it too hard,0
treesahquiche okay about the applepears i ve talked to a few people and they ve all had them before no one ever told me never,0
jennifermf i know i m a night owl by nature hahaha am i a time zone behind you it s almost here,0
mamasvan lol nope but i did have complete camerafail,0
maxime megelder but i m useless if i don t sleep it s not fair i want all the fun a well,0
my pookie ha a uti i have to be nurse gabbie and get him back to 00 no more soda,0
jillianfish tweet something damn it and hang out with me please,0
anistorm,0
i m so behind in video game and everything for that matter i m yesterday s news,0
sleep til noon i did it wa the only one left but i got tempted and ate it soon a i got home i had a chocolate velvet amp ate d mocha,0
is stressing out because my blackberry keep flashing a red alert status for no reason it faking me out and i hate it,0
http twitpic com y e i wan na wear my doc marten out haven t worn them since december,0
when to the shoe repair shop and the guy could not find my shoe so i have to go back and see if he can find them in a couple day,0
b barnett i did not really see that coming,0
just woke up from the most vivid sketchy not cool dream of my life time to stare at the wall with the light on,0
it ll take day for my sister to get her passport,0
nicolerichie oh my yes i miss,0
uh oh i think i am getting sick,0
good god they ruined my belly button,0
watching who framed roger rabbit make me miss toon town,0
akianz renting but very cheap renting and awesome house we had buying attempt fall through,0
running nose spinning head not a good combination for a meeting,0
eazydoesit negative you lost my vote of confidence,0
nasty budget due and my iphone is being sent to apple today,0
sofii noel that s bad,0
dammit episode of king won t play for some reason stopped in the middle now won t do anything,0
i m so upset that i missed my chat and quiz online because my free internet ha ceased,0
can t believe it i m in disbelief of it all in a way really how much can i take from people and always get hurt by others,0
car show season ha started without me,0
my throat is raw,0
kevchoice i just don t get it what in a person mind could even have them on some ish like this my prayer are with her fam for real,0
frago i hate you i didn t need to see that i need to call my therapist now,0
twilight didn t come yesterday finger crossed for today,0
nilelegania glad i wa able help you feel better i hate to see you sick love you,0
is tireddddddd want to sleep but i have an assignment to finish and an exam tomorrow to study for,0
you know i wa thinking i need money,0
omg it jst teusday,0
ddlovato david henrie ummmmm i cant find it,0
just heard that they found sandra cantu she wa only yr old,0
corrosivecandy ive forgotten how to snoo snoo i wonder if snoo snoo and i will ever meet again,0
amanorris wow that last tweet made me seem like a giant sexist sorry about that,0
my bathtub drain is fired it haz job do amp it iz fail i got all drano on it as amp iz still not draining i wan na shower dangit,0
stuck at home,0
nomadicmatt mine is 0 how do you get it up,0
duckling in famous child s book stolen from boston s public garden the boston globe http tinyurl com dc htx via sharethis oh no,0
appomattox news thank you however i hate to be on the same list that includes convict,0
heading to altrincham again out of hour install,0
morning good im bloody knackered work is not for me today helppp xxx,0
jeffreecuntstar i don t have a garage but you can park in my driveway,0
lauredhel what happened,0
quot on popular music quot by t w adorno is probably the most difficult reading ever prescribed i m actually struggling to continue,0
http twitpic com y e cant see the flower falling i dont have a camera just my cellphone,0
we ve been good i m not liking the snow right now wa getting used to the nice spring like weather how about you,0
brian armstrong what a pity youtube is currently blocked in china i can t see the vids,0
margaretcho what happened to your show it wa the hightlight of my life,0
this is the best leather sofa in the world it s in the office though which mean i m still here working,0
still more day until my internet get uncapped,0
if he doesn t get better in a few day he could have something lodged in his belly,0
i love my atekinzz so much amp amp i soo miss her,0
i wan na sneak into the zoo and play with the kitty,0
lolitariot oh no hope you re not getting sick too,0
alejandralei i dont think i can cause it my cousin birthday party,0
our sweet little man just fell asleep while waiting up for daddy and big brother to get home poor baby he missed them so much today,0
the angel is going to miss the athlete this weekend,0
trust is hard,0
have watched that considering today yaknow shawnna tomomorrow i need my bestfriend,0
grr i want to keep reading but if i do i wont have anything left to read,0
atekinzz where in the world are you,0
rumlover no u supposed to be my date,0
pear amp brie bottle of cabernet and quot win a date with tad hamilton quot oh gawwd my life flashed forward to when i m 0 with my cat,0
crap i need more dress too,0
kaeeeep yeah i know it wa horrible ugh saddening,0
brodhe geez ur no fun are you,0
i wan na be in a punk rock band again,0
jyesmith that s a lot of angst for a tuesday afternoon,0
i m very glad britney isn t crazy anymore that wa one hell of a show now i m sad that it s over next up ap at cook county,0
ha a huuuge headache omg i feel like crap,0
anistorm sorry,0
cleders sorry i wa rooting for them too,0
man that took forever,0
shandasaurus i see,0
i am listing more item on ebay to sell take forever meanwhile coleman is watching the hill season premier without me,0
just got my presentation done slide done i m cry for this week will be the hardest of all week,0
just lost 0,0
i don t like the previously on skin thing that start at season two i like it when it went straight into the intro like before,0
houndour i wish i wa there i m pretty good at scaring the shit out of people,0
going to sound vain but running out of my fav lip gloss,0
stuiy never again will i click on a link that scream quot i m a spider i m a spider quot i should have known better yucky,0
why is that when you have time off from work you get sick,0
pratama same imac came out 0 more in indonesia than the state,0
dammit i need to stop buying furniture,0
miss sil no i wa half asleep and turned off the laptop after that,0
death is peaceful life however bite,0
i think jonathanrknight lost the net sure hope not,0
http is gd r zf http is gd r zy and http is gd r zg test footage with my girlfriend in hd the dark one is underxposed,0
such a tough game to watch tonight for state finally going to bed after also staying up to watch the season premiere of the hill,0
seems jruby support for hpricot is now two version behind,0
jinxcat unlike my sister i still don t have one,0
fraking app store is pissing me off http tinyurl com c ooho,0
logging out i need to study,0
anyone else having problem accessing ttb i cant get on,0
i strongly dislike people who make stupid comment and dont know the whole story,0
emmaketurah i m sorry emma is swarley a goldfish i m sad for u,0
all my tweet are already gone aren t they missed you guy tonight,0
can t sleep again face is kinda swollen don t let me be allergic to the thing that ll get me to thursday school tomorrow doubtful,0
snick the dog if izzy s on the cat tree she ll stare him down but if she s on the floor he chase and she run,0
i am officially banning godaddy com from my comp my head hurt from the small print and i wasted 0 that could ve happily gone to boba,0
humanopium pretty much just scary for me,0
ilovepie mine too i m finding it well hard to get fit,0
good morning ready go but i want go back bed,0
hate waiting for mail,0
wheat bread from the dollar store just doesn t toast nicely going over my tax and calling it an early night,0
why kutner i mean i knew something wa going to happen to someone but it wa so sad i lt house and it wa well done but i m still sad,0
jonathanrknight aw ok goonite,0
ill so i cant go to the cinema,0
fell asleep really didn t mean too christina,0
kelleyrowe hey you remember that time we used to be friend ugh vomit sick i need sleep,0
my lymph node are a massive a rahm emanuel s ball right now,0
oh no my computer suck i don t think i ll be able to listen to the xbox 0 fancast tonite,0
is missing playing my trumpet,0
my throat is still really sore i wa meant to be going on a day camp from friday but not so sure now,0
sasii i know exactly how you feel,0
at work,0
well bed time now am sigh back to am morning for a week on wednesday,0
hert jesus camp yeah,0
marybethune oh no with everything that happened today i forgot we were going dress shopping for the opera tomorrow,0
turtle are better than my mac last longer and move faster,0
i am soaked this is not pleasant,0
ginayates sorry to hear about maggie thought to your mum,0
ewarden you may have to email this one to me i hope you feel better,0
miamiiboii dead yu gettin on wen im leavin,0
arlenecd please tell me that s somewhere close to california lol,0
phlaimeaux where are you,0
stupid arranged marriage i ll convert so you can marry me love you,0
emilyruppe well he said that he is a looser and that is what the show implies,0
poor sandra cantu amp the cantu family my prayer go out to them what a sick world we live in she wa only,0
fuck omg austin always there though man lt love you,0
nicolerichie i cried so hard when matthew died,0
sad that the foot of my macbook just fell off sad that the foot of my macbook just fell off,0
chordsy why am i the last to find out about these thing like that you re on the twitter too,0
lovebscott absolutely not,0
http twitpic com y cf filled with curry the true indian in me is coming out,0
im soooo cold right now,0
heidimontag lol i kant believe cam got beat upp sooo embarasssiiiin,0
jonathanrknight good knight hun looking forward to ur tweet again hate that i keep missing out on the fun cuz of the time difference,0
tumblr this is exactly how it feel wearing a tie http tinyurl com c bvqh,0
daniela 9 hahaa i just realized quot impune quot definitely isnt the word i wanted dang i m so unclever,0
watching old video of dance team and such make me miss it,0
wahh no csi anywhere dvr ed i love money though gon na watch it then sleep goodnight tweeter lt,0
struggling hard with inventory,0
ddlovato do you hate u please don t,0
ballinbitch haha im not that ballin i still got bill to paaaaay,0
i m in one of those day when i really just want to work from home crap,0
paul e wog wait is it a game or just episode i m so confused,0
carlyw haha i cried i guess he did,0
i don t get statistic it all a bunch of mumbo jumbo for me,0
sloanb got it sadly only work for uk amp u at the moment,0
evicted,0
doesn t enjoy learning cs,0
nachojohnny brian don t make me fuck u up lol i replied ur message did u get my i miss u,0
heidimontag i dvr d it and went to watch it apparently the dish network went down so i missed it i will have to catch a rerun,0
jessdubb lmao u may have to wait for another season to come thru it summe boo hot nd dry as weather,0
lizchavez i can t set my foot on the ground the missing eyelid people might get me,0
daniela 9 my english professor would be ashamed,0
o i wish the frog weren t becoming extinct http tinyurl com cxe w,0
came home from cross county tired a,0
i don t want to walk home in this snow who want to pick me up,0
heidimontag lauren is being stubborn she love you you love her i feel so bad for you though it made me cry lol,0
is grouchy and want bmar,0
my heart is broken every morning dropping foo at pre school now i understand when mom say quot he ha my heart broken quot,0
not feeling well and back hurt,0
im in the mood for some chocolate i want miniature reeses cup now,0
i can t take this heat it s like an oven in here i feel sick nwo,0
nick carter come to the chat just minute please http fanclub backstreetboys com chat php,0
boredd colddd internet keep stuffing up,0
i had a horrible nightmare last night which affected my sleep now i m really tired,0
im lonely keep me company female new york,0
born broadway lost and it wa st ignacius prepatory school haha,0
birutagme yeah it wa really depressing stuff like that get to me,0
whoisariston no problem tongue in cheek remark lot of acronym but no nz,0
greggrunberg hey you said matt wa gon na go all ballistic i wa disappointed good ep tho mostly,0
ugh horrible ending to the sandra kantu story prayer go out,0
danielledeleasa http twitpic com y pe i hate b allergic i want a puppy soo bad that i ve already thought some cool name,0
morning folk 00 am yawn up amp away to see to horse hope twitter is better behaved today last night wa a travesty,0
quandotcom i miss mine too,0
amandaenglund sorry to hear about your loss there have been many this year so far,0
nicolerichie gossip girl wa a repeat,0
inyoureyes 0 i reckon,0
finding it really hard to use twitter,0
i ve been stuck in this house for two day,0
is really sad and doesn t really know y,0
thousand mile no,0
maybe one of these year i ll get a tax return a girl can dream right,0
back at work tired a hell and i feel a cold coming,0
clarianne knot serious april 9th isn t coming soon enough,0
hannahsix cream for his eye and he may have herpes not ocular herpes but a different strain he s doing okay though,0
got ta repeat whole art folio cuz old one with a whole term work got wet,0
i m ready for the weekend already it s only monday,0
lovebscott umm nope think im an insomniac plus i got the flu i lll be sleepin like a phuckin fish outta water any minute now,0
ha finland sleeping for the night not really enough time,0
lunafiko can t wait to try em but prolly have to wait until next weekend at the earliest,0
shiner is taking up all my bed and blanket,0
clarianne april 9th isn t coming soon enough,0
want to cry,0
i need to go to the bank tomorrow before i go broke,0
this earthquake in italy ha me sadden it s only three hour away from naples where my family is,0
i should be sleeping i have a stressed out week coming to me,0
dragoneer yea i am working tp hack my server to do the player thing for folk,0
ha hurt her ankle and is going to the dr,0
raymondroman oh no how did you manage to send something to the trash can and empty it without noticing i feel for ya,0
lost my free copy of radioactive so can t put it on my ipod grr and i can t go out buy nother coz it came with that paper,0
doing make up shit,0
photoshop i hate it when you crash,0
vacation make me feel sick,0
you shouldn t have gone,0
listening to murd and 9th wonder just chillen out missing my crazy sex life,0
louie09 shooting be careful luisa,0
hillary00 i m sure everyone ha ruined my gift to you whitney ha my serious cell we doing easter a well,0
is at beso in hollywood so tired,0
i don t want to wake up early tomorrow damn you work,0
just finished watching the movie prayer for bobby broke my heart,0
syekr is myki really horrible,0
stephenkruiser i had put my dog down today too someone ran her over,0
nevadawolf sorry to hear about your dnf run tonight always a risk to get bad coords on an ftf,0
honey i did get some disgruntled people when i wrote my esn but the 000 hit in one day made up for it bill pull in 0 top,0
moony 9 ohh omg lmao i m cry right now lol kutnerrrr wa the best,0
came back from running and took a shower why doe my lower stomach still hurt after exercising,0
watching fallon with mom and working on a project school is hard,0
min till home time and counting i have a craving to visit the mac store but they will have closed by the time i get there,0
stephenkruiser i am so sorry to hear that take care,0
paulcoles hmmm greed is good when it motivates the individual to do better not so much when it take away from others,0
gabbyisactive brat you have to rub it in don t you i want a mocha,0
kutnerrrr why why and to think that is still on the show ugh kutner kal penn you ve been the bright star in ho,0
redvinylgirl my mom ha it i wish you the best of luck,0
i so hate homework my head hurt so bad,0
got the ebay blue item i want jumped from no bidder to over 00 in an hour still ha hour to go i d better not get my hope up,0
gigdiary i know wa a little depressed that we ate so much last night there were no leftover today,0
well the pc in my living room suffered a fatal partion lost all my itunes library is gone and some doc with pic,0
sad day manu out for the season,0
stephenkruiser you poor spunky it so sad my rotti made it to 0 and i had to go down the same path i know how you feel,0
im sooo sad right now i need a hug,0
want her step brother home im so worried you dont even know i hope he know how much i care for him,0
heidimontag just got done watching the hill loved it excited for the next episode and im sad this is the last season,0
ryanmwilson aww that stink hug,0
i m tired i feel like crap and the world feel all crummy make me happy usb disco mouse,0
i dont want to believe what im reading buu so sad,0
wondering why gamebattles is down,0
white trash v u we were outnumbered http twitpic com y jp,0
emitstop so true i have it and don t use it,0
spring break is here at last but no one is here to celebrate,0
morning bah car won t start waiting for the anwb,0
katebornstein which is pretty anti memorial tattoo but for all but the strictest there s no official ban just disapproving family,0
balamurugan a longterm member of the team is leaving this month we ll miss working with him hope he doe well in his next venture,0
justgelo it sad knowing how they found her body what a crazy world we live in no child deserves that ya know,0
i wan na rock a maxi dress coachella but lacking funding,0
of course the baby is screaming in the crib the night before my first day back at work so i let him cry it out boooo,0
i am home missing my baby busy week ahead fri is a chill day with my guy and kid egg hunt sat spiral and dmb sat night and easter,0
followsavvy i never found her everytime i click on her twitter thing through your myspace it go to some dude s page,0
stephenkruiser that s horrible sorryto hear that,0
david henrie i cant find it it say dtmafiaofficial doesnt exist there s jus dtmafia i found n u dun seem to b followin it wht to do,0
i thought you would support me on this,0
augh eff sarth i stole some of mil s nail polish it pretty o,0
wish i wa on the spring fling tour with dawn amp neecee sigh g knight,0
the hoyts distribution nz website isn t working for me great and it ha to be like this when i need it most,0
crummyasshole i don t like that they only had him in the first movie cillian murphy is hot,0
wish for good old cartoon to come back ie captain planet where s wally daria sadness,0
not feeling v good abt myself,0
i just got a text from sarah,0
another day at centre point this time an early start so guessing train will be rammed with commuter,0
four game this fall modern warfare halo odst brutal legend and bioshock i need more cash,0
d castillo ugh that s disconcerting,0
devinthedude00 actually the whole site ha finally been taken over by those damn russian,0
my tweet arent going through,0
just finished a delicious breakfast my last in paris i ll miss milk europe ha the tastiest milk in the world i don t drink it in u,0
ilearn is down and out great considering final are this week,0
carmonium i m stressed outttt,0
also i shouldve bern asleep an hour ago,0
trying to figure out this twitter thing none of my friend are on yet soo much to see,0
re pinging kyle custom icon i made look cool but the edge could be le square might look bad on a diff background,0
i want to be back in la,0
enterbelladonna i dunno how to use the forum and i get frustrated with it i ll miss talking to you on here,0
lilbucknuts not an option,0
georgeruiz unfortunately one of those moment wasn t a giant squid monster,0
thestar rage i want one too is the branch in midv open too,0
dananner aw sorry to hear that,0
change of plan we ordered mac instead time to hit the book,0
polhillian yup,0
nkdreamer did you see donnie s tweet stats almost 00 reply and no jrk,0
tim grainger nah i haven t received my stimulus yet,0
ikimb0 i just seen ur tweet plz write bak if u get this i havnt got one reply bak,0
mccainblogette awwwww and you were trying to go to sleep hour ago,0
stephenkruiser i m so sorry to hear that it s always sad when we lose those close to u a we loved them,0
cant sleep but im still feelin like a piece of shit,0
stephenkruiser oh my sympathy it s a hard decision i always hope my old border collie will go in her sleep she s too hug,0
josephheustess well there wa this really cool part where i wont spoil it,0
limbecky i m doing the time warp without you and am sad,0
theresawhite this is true lol but it s still a slap in the face after such a warm end of march,0
i hate converting movie just to put em on my itouch,0
gross i have a pimple,0
torturedlady yea ma naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam marwan accent lol,0
one le follower tonight,0
unholyknight so did your mom last night brb while i figure out whether i just burned you or myself the most,0
i feel like i am the only quot twitterer quot not on tweetdeck,0
wyldceltic he ha karate tournament in week,0
going to sleep can t be up until am again and no i didn t finish my statistic homework,0
north carolina baby aint nothin stopping them but the nba draft,0
can t sleep again,0
i reaaly miss john mayer s twitter fuck rude people remove him if you don t like his tweet bitchfucks,0
is going to have a late one at mqu today,0
im so tired of work i need a life,0
just leavin work my foot hurt,0
playradioplay that wa so sad and unexpected i totally cried haha,0
superneej morning bah car won t start waiting for the anwb,0
still doing my homework,0
a little sad,0
deepbluesealove my mom amp dad both get up around too early for me,0
should ve been asleep two hour ago,0
stephenkruiser so sorry to hear about your dog,0
funny how the little thing make me homesick criminal breakn n a brownstone on lawnord ci made me misty,0
djsoulsister yeah great vid i had the quot single but sold it a few year ago,0
im on val s mac in iitsc clubroom still sweating,0
stephenkruiser awww so sad i m so sorry,0
updatingffe that give me nothing to do for a good twenty minute,0
hot compress not rily workng for pulled muscle gng to bed good night,0
have an invite for quot healthy dining quot session at ashok hotel today with exec chef r chopra but damn workload will have to skip it,0
stephenkruiser i m so sorry to hear about your dog wishing you happier day to come,0
hellivina i miss em too,0
misstoriblack cool i have no tweet apps for my razr,0
i m off too bed i got ta wake up hella early tomorrow morning,0
still procrastinating i hate organizing my clothes there s just so much,0
just been playing with the new mobbler v0 0 and it add some great new feature but won t play music on my e like v0 did,0
latroneb oh but there s one bestie missing,0
esuriospiritus time to come back to flawda for double date no seriously i m sorry to hear that,0
i m up way to late to be working for a client 0 am fb,0
blegghhhh i have to go to work,0
back at work john muir dr http loopt u koqabg,0
dachesterfrench i emailed you yesterday and u never responded,0
it s going to be a long year for a s fan,0
just got done watching the new house episode definitely one of the saddest episode ever,0
man tax suck i m horrified that i did something wrong on them turbotax decided to keep around a lot of the stuff i turned off,0
sleep time tomorrow is gon na suck,0
wtf not kutner oh i m so pissed house i mean really wtf,0
amberpacific i know i dont know why i said that,0
cash rule everything around me,0
just picked up some oat from the market to eat for breakfast with my boy adamgoldston now time to do work at usc late night,0
i feel sick too much icecream,0
faithgg this computer doesn t have shockwave blah no account yet,0
rubyrose awww wish i could go but it in sydney,0
luxuryprgal hahaha suriously i feel like everyone know this show is a joke except lc,0
i just can t spell today i totally suck,0
are you vaccinated against chicken pox should i vaccinate my yr old i am so confused about this damn thing,0
school at least last day,0
yawwwn got ta get up early tomorrow who s ready for the weekend,0
i miss being at home for calving season sad that black one died this morning wish i had some bottle calf,0
stephenkruiser i so sorry for your loss my brother dog sam is sick w cushing disease,0
back to work i get to spend the next hour alone in the dispatch room,0
there s a new kind of starburst favereds sound fab bc cherry and strawberry are my fav red s but they added watermellon and it yucky,0
well so much for being productive on my day off from angel,0
andreabakes oh gee insomnia suck have you tried melatonin,0
vivekg good to hear that we have support in netbeans but then it netbeans you know,0
heidimontag i wish we would get it the same time at the rest of world unfornately i am in cairo and have to wait for mtva to play it,0
heartbroken over little sandra prayer are with the family,0
hadtobeyou i m at 900 word it s all can do i ll finish tomorrow maybe,0
shortiethug how come ur background cover the screen but mine is in the corner,0
wrote exactly three line of dialogue tonight then gave up,0
ashman0 my only complaint about facebook is they ve changed it so much it s confusing,0
sliced my finger,0
going thru town and traffic on bypass is stink,0
ugh can t sleep wish i had a good cuddle to make me as out,0
i hate when software update downloads update without telling me i never know what s downloading when it is,0
went to ihop again great for a diet at least there were no kung foo pancake this time rachel,0
the internet is hating me night i s pose,0
contactabe i m so jealous i missed all of opening day this year,0
it s so cruel having to wait for review to come in so far it look like star trek will be the best film of the year,0
debating if i should just shower now so i can sleep a little later tomorrow,0
my stress always culminates with physical pain,0
need to sleep but cant,0
my little pinky finger hurt so much,0
sarahsaturday i m sorry your gift card ran out that suck,0
home for spring break no one is home tho,0
i accessed oneindia mobi from a google phone android it doesn t support indic language,0
why doe school take over your life so much you don t get sleep anymore i am still doing school work and have more to do a well,0
mtsiaklides aw i wish i could i can t really speak to my yia yia because she doesn t speak english,0
winggato no free comp lol,0
getting ready to clean the house from top to bottom,0
cry my friend is moving away tomorrow,0
swiftkaratechop stop nomnoms you didn t share night people,0
think she is getting a cold that she caught from daddy oh no my trip would be ruined,0
moony 9 yeah is it bcoz kal penn is a visiting lecturer somewhere n cant be on the show anymore im gon na miss him,0
so the procrastination start early in the quarter i don t want to reaaaaad and write a paper,0
what apparently it s degress at pm in washington state i miss winter already,0
being bored at homee,0
massage wa great i just spilled coke all over my desk lame watching the simpson a i ve finished all my hill dvd,0
nick carter i will wait for you at fanclub chat even tough you re not my favorite,0
ha a mild left inner ear infection and it got this irritating quot blocked quot feeling since sunday,0
janebodehouse hey there nope my cuteness hoytfortenberry is away for awhile,0
it s only tuesday,0
haha not even yo i just didn t know how to do that thang to you on twitter haha,0
someone alarm clock or a phone woke me up at am still got my headache from yesterday night,0
kalichosich awww poor puppy is she ok,0
i might break down and eat some buffalo wing tomorrow,0
sittin here w kayla i really really reallly dis like having a brother he doesn t know when to stop i m waiting for the day when one of,0
fed bokkie too many birthday treat sicko,0
s kinda bummed an agency just told me that i didn t have the look that they were going for lady please help me create the look,0
work laptop is officially dead not happy at all,0
my goodness it s freezing down here,0
heidimontag why do you put up with him you should listen to your mom,0
is stucked in paris and can t even travel into france for work,0
joannafbeckett i don t think there s one close by last time i checked the closest one wa 0 mile away,0
aaaaand back to my literature review at least i have a friendly cup of coffee to keep me company,0
i am worried that i won t get my 900 even though i paid a buttload of tax last year,0
okay so still no school,0
is phoneless now off too sleep,0
reeked of alcohol at the dentist this morning wa drunk when i put on my tshirt realised it had a huge stain dentist looked disgusted,0
it is really cold,0
cant sleep she want to dream,0
can t sleep i hate these night when i try to go to bed early and stay awake for hour poo,0
rootbeersoup yeah too bad people like a certain burrito eating man exist,0
cronotriggers that s sad,0
just found out that my mum and my adopted auntie are on twitter check them out my mum is tessm and my awesome a auntie is tania,0
can not sleep wide awake and i got ta go to work later too boy am i going to have a crappy day,0
struggling with eam law,0
why can t i sleep like her http twitpic com y ty,0
bout to start poor linny couldn t keep her eye open she tired and ha to work tomorrow morning night ilovefatsusan,0
my year old year old is driving me around the twist i don t want to be like this,0
well that sucked,0
i have to be out of my place in day any help i can get packing painting cleaning is much appreciated oh and rip my wall,0
opening a partially frozen beer beer on the toaster under the oven and all over the counter the kitchen smell like we run a speakeasy,0
stewiebrittany no i dont even know how to ride it,0
monasmith sadly yes i think i need counciling now,0
making myself ready for school don t feel like going but have two test,0
smugness gone my train also failed to turn up so i m heading for victoria followed by an unpleasant tube ride to the city,0
anybody know where my ipod went,0
aww this earthquake in italy ha made me sad just saw the pic on the news it s terrible,0
lilibat never been able to afford to get them out i d much rather go through the extraction than continue with what i deal with now,0
why do other pet care people try to run others out of business or send suspicious e mail fishing for info,0
kameelahwrites lt codez they ve been mia tho,0
reannaremick doesnt work on my cell go to sleep p,0
it s going to be nice again tomorrow and then the rain come back no nice weather for my birthday,0
taliasunset rock band is hard on expert,0
beachbassbone roomie wa home all day all he had to do wa scratch at the door comforter ha to goto large laundromat machine,0
one of the hardest thing with this schedule no one i can chat with at the end of my day usually,0
they killed off a character on one of my favorite show and now i m upset,0
jealous of my friend who got to see the new star trek film in austin tonight,0
listening to q i got a really bad headache and a drivin lesson in ten min lucky me i just wana sleeep,0
steve buscemi shut up you i am hungry and in britain home of the most boring suckassy breakfast in the world i miss dennys,0
good morning everybody pkoi y fais pa beau bon coffee time,0
work again,0
essay time,0
chauncey hey did u talk to mom r they home yet i hope they r ok wish i wa coming home easter,0
endearingevania i sure wish i could go with you guy tmrw but a per usual school interferes,0
widyatarina say what kal penn s leaving house noooooo awww i totally missed it tonight,0
no i lost a loyal,0
played another hand very bad and lost half my stack,0
it s 0pm early day in a looooooong night at work,0
yaykimo it s sad it s the last season i wan na see when spencer call lauren,0
so im done editing quot the phipstape quot back crack a brew and see what we got no tree though,0
rj i don t know what half of that mean,0
homework homework homework,0
worked his heart out today doubling my weight at each station result stiff and pulled muscle ouch,0
melamachinko now i feel bad for unfollowing,0
so tired god i hate the new job and only two day in,0
sad about kutner being killed off my fav show house,0
happy for coach stringer hof c o 009 now if i can only finish my term paper on her,0
i feel like shit this is not the way i want to spend my birthday s eve,0
so far i have on all my site put together most of them were me checking out the update i made,0
ha a lot on her mind i need to make some money and idea nowhere is hiring,0
emiliexclarkex miss you,0
stephenkruiser i m so sorry to hear about your dog,0
too much internet how it plague me,0
i miss my ex soo much,0
sodding m http twitpic com y y0,0
oh i thought the pirate bay trial verdict wa today s apparently it s in 0 day,0
featherinair call me back,0
is in study hall now and i will log off immediately http plurk com p mzxbg,0
it so tired that im cry for no reason at all im about to try to get an hour and a half in for tonight half what i got last night,0
i totally have like four girl option and none of them seem viable,0
so far i have veiws on all my site put together most of them were me checking out the update i made,0
listening to bjork s all is full of love cry,0
omg the hill then i love money aww i think becky buckwild go,0
is craving for some tantan nabe http plurk com p mzxcs,0
c mon sean man,0
watching quot a league of their own quot make me miss mint chocolate ice cream cone and my grand ma fuck,0
lost my phone some where maybe in the grass it just so long hope it doesn t rain,0
tomatosalsa hope you aren t referring to me say hello to your new stalker lol,0
brettyboo why were u sleeping ur gon na be up all night now how wa ur bike ride,0
slessard but but but i wan na listen to the master too,0
sephystryx i ve been looking about for good stuff to write but also been doing load of uni work,0
i feel unloved dropped tweeter,0
off to london for the day on thursday it s gon na be raining oh fab won t see much on the london eye still robbie won t care bless him,0
completely wiped and reloaded the 900 lost all bbm contact going to bed sad,0
mykele sayyyy whaaaa i wasn t invited,0
didn t sleep too bad considering i have a workshop starting today beginning of a sore throat though,0
astewart oh my gosh that made me emotional haha idk why i dont want to get old,0
we re going to post some story manually due to twitterfeed problem that s why we ve been so quiet lately,0
i don t like lukewarm shower,0
linuxfoundation who should i contact if i need a 099 for freelance work i did on linux com throughout 00 never got one,0
skylineking connor it s me febi are you really really mad at me,0
need some help want to buy a macbook pro but still inlove with my old powerbook,0
michaeltao man america is so borez anyway lol i just realized you sent me msg on here i had no idea i have no flash,0
hellivina ihopness g knight lovely lady i m sleepy now,0
doe anybody know how to get your electrolyte back in order with a vitamin work i feel sick,0
sudam0 yes someone hasn t been reading my post properly,0
almost through with my italian homework weeeeee now if i only understood what i wa doing,0
who turned the light on it will be time to get ip then,0
therealnph twitter hate u both then,0
i hate the fact that i m genuinely excited about my last tweet,0
celesteclara i can t sleep either,0
theblondetheory between that and the italy earthquake it s been a very sad news day,0
champagnemanoir all rain today garden really need it so not quite so bad,0
yawn yawn yawn 0 more minute in bed,0
majesticflame ouch sound very sucky,0
bengottlieb great idea with the itunes promo code they don t work in the uk itunes store though,0
mattycus cry,0
rumlover an empty rum barrel is a sad rum barrel shake head the horror the horror,0
it wa a sleepless night,0
billybush she admitted to being a fake,0
batmannn i love chutney,0
got highly bored today scanning page for daddy had to do it,0
misterphipps you cooked risotto without me,0
keeeerrrrriiiiii i really have nothing better to do then post on this thing at am wonderfullll say alot,0
yay for baseball season boo to yankee losing their first game,0
lost suck because i have to work today,0
omg exam killed me how could i not know the difference between haif a circle and a hemisphere lt gt,0
in bed i suddenly feel i wish ma wa here w me goodnight twitterfam,0
rachelcmrn i don t like goodnights,0
greaaat my lappy won t turn on wtffffff,0
m rkm you stuck in traffic then my journey wa traffic free this morning if it s any help,0
lookin like an all nighter i hate it when i do this to myself,0
vernonhamilton you re a stranger,0
debbugging old vb code the day could have started better,0
toddlington only a quarter of a percent babe darn,0
coming down with a cold or bad allergy either way i m miserable,0
can t believe cutner is dead on house sad day in santa rosa ca http loopt u orpl a,0
damnit i wa really digging this season of reaper http www tv com story 0 html ref story id 0 amp ref type 0 amp ref name story,0
gah comcast doubled our cable internet bill w out telling u so we are quitting can anyone suggest an affordable company in bay area,0
another early morn with the duchess although she hadn t managed to cross her leg this time,0
alexbigman you left without saying hi,0
l want but i can t sleep,0
tracydowds when an xbox show those three red light it mean it s dead and need to be fixed for a month at microsoft hq,0
a king sized bed is nice but sad and lonely with no hubby puppy or kitty i am over this whole conferenceing thing,0
im boredd gah i wish i could just sleep and get it over with but ive had toooo muchh cooooffffeeeeeeeee bahaha,0
whyinthehell if i may butt in again i m done being nosey sorry your conversation wa just so interesting,0
smokey robinson you fell off my list did i offend you,0
week till sister home i missed her call again it the worst feeling in the world,0
gon na try to get some sleep in this hotel room,0
chimpytwit brilliant idea just bring a much a you think you ll spend amp i ll swap you bring a brolly,0
simonekali get me an autograph and shout out you have to record it though my computer is dead so i can t listen,0
rt kimkardashian khloe just got fired from the apprentice,0
in biology class my lip hurt,0
sorry for the next tweet,0
grr not down to go to school today,0
jennlopez i had to get an hd tivo and just got it set up tonight in order to get channel 0 9,0
mouthsex i asked everyone how they were doing yesterday and not a single tweet back,0
adame ruddy money i like it still waiting here oh what a surprise by state too hmmm seriously,0
kal penn i am so sad kutner wa my favorite of the new team,0
marcusmims wow i didn t get an quot hello quot u suck,0
bedtime school tomorrow and i still have no book being broke suck,0
seating here helping my baby with his paper well he is forcing me too seat with him im sleepy,0
synching my contact from my old mobile to iphone import doe not work well,0
i can t concentrate,0
i ve just spent hour to enter all the bureaucratic nonsense for march what a waste of my time,0
nw more confused then ever,0
not feeling well again stupid migraine making my tummy upset and my whole body ache shoot me now,0
reading buyology before bedtime great premise but only turning out to be an quot ok quot book lot of info i already knew,0
home i really wana sleep but due to wasting my free line in town i have an assignment to finish,0
hellobebe i also send some update in plurk but i upload photo on twitter you didnt see any of my update on plurk zero,0
omg quot the reader quot is making me,0
cloudpimps d oh at least you re getting a decent exchange rate at the moment sterling is still getting flogged,0
tried to download tweetdeck but it wont download,0
there s an inch of snow on the ground and counting i m worried about the poor flower,0
dweeman why aren t you a happy camper,0
dkoenigs thanks man i m so very grateful i feel unworthy of such attention though because i m in this because of myself,0
t wolfe i miss u too i m totally comin back tho lastnight wa sooooooo much fun,0
sniffinglue ohhh i love it p i m sad we didn t get to hang out,0
and somehow i still end up in this place,0
kisluvkis oh that is very sad poor boy,0
jonathanrknight silver tulip um that would be a hell no to the fugly poker dog pant on the cruise hi jonathan sorry i missed you,0
i m doing my homework it s gosh darn hard,0
definitely no vacation for me http plurk com p mzygb,0
study group extraordinare about to leave campus some of tort outline finished good thing but sleepy a h will be back am,0
why can t airfare go down or why do i have to live in texas i don t know if i ll be able to make it to iowa,0
j stricko i found it pretty frustrating stupid monkey,0
lenesha but im not feeling well mommy,0
lovebscott nope i m right along wit you,0
so a murder gotcha cant believe it,0
nbensalem i m sitting at my house and i m sooo not looking forward to my one class tomorrow,0
ordered some maternity clothes online which came today i got something strange i didn t order not in my size and stuff is missing,0
citizensheep,0
thesage 0 i wish i could got ta work though,0
seaghostdesigns what happened to you on saturday you didnt show up,0
girlsgonechild,0
can t fall asleep,0
i have mouth ulcer so painful to talk and eat,0
danphelan urgh it wa just the video and they cut the robot part,0
my dog can t move anymore praying that he will be okay,0
kal penn you were pretty much my fave not much reason to watch now,0
artistbabee but tht s annoying amp definitely not bitchy enough he def broke like everything in me he prolly doesn t even kno oct,0
mileycyrus hahaha dont be like that one time in ny when you got 0 min of sleep then got sick love you,0
normalguyguide i can t i have so much to learn about wwi by tomorrow at noon,0
new post http tinyurl com cexkqy,0
graemearcher i am sad about innocent selling out too,0
dang won t be able to get to any workshop run by web direction,0
benpritchett goodness me how did you find me it s good to hear from you ben i still have your video game and book i apologize,0
jap girl they re leaving,0
my poor little girl ha a baaaad rash on her bum and isnt feeling good,0
nicolerichie yes we had the vhs i cried when the old man died,0
argh got up early for girl aloud on freshly squeezed and it wa just the video,0
travian total cost of the atk for the aggressor 0 resource all said and done i m guessing he s not going to let that slide,0
waiting for kelly s call,0
mhm not having a good day blah blah blah,0
octopuseatspie i got the i can ha chezburger book from the lobo and you are not here to look at it wif me,0
i m trying to work on my last assignment of the year but i just can t get that spark all i want to do is lay in the grass and read,0
robertfperez ugh of course not just thursday and friday sat i have both kid,0
kal penn oh my gosh i m still emotionally dying at the fact that kutner s gone arggg kal ily,0
kaozdesign i think i found my face unfortunately you didn t find yours yet,0
seeing that shouldnt have made my stomach flip like it did,0
headache pleeeease go away,0
siddharth ind yeah i do i have an application that run every few minute to do that but it the add ons they conflict all the time,0
pretty good coaching with exceptional talent trounces exceptional coaching and pretty good talent msu,0
i hate tuesday,0
gracedent it s her quot hair quot i can t deal with,0
feel like i m stuck in a rut waiting to hear back from school is killing me also decided to take a break from wow for awhile,0
i need new glass mine is hangnon arm,0
meat week day tummy hurt every night,0
why isn t there a quot fake quot verruca on twitter now i m sad,0
on the phone with the bestie than shower confused i don t know what to do,0
sirrah aww poor froofroo this is way too late for you,0
i miss my 0 fam,0
officialprofoz she sed puerto rican,0
joefernandez klout your not thinking of selling are you,0
simx yeah i always slow down at the end also take that i win,0
pornstartweet i wan na go but i am only 0,0
lovemeagan how i ms the snippet hun wts it of may i ask i wan na hear,0
i know big love true blood and united state of tara have too long of wait between season,0
sensesdestroyer i wan na go to lamb of god,0
is sad she ha lost her hn arm band it just disappeared,0
set my alarm to wake up wanted to speak to my si in africa on skype i miss her sooo much,0
awh damn my puppy ha tick,0
h ouse made me sad oh kutner,0
saffron why not,0
why do i keep looking i know that what i read is gon na hurt but i still look i guess it s just a girl thing amp i need to get over him,0
need hug snuggle,0
health uandpets saw the one with a gsd covered in them and i could not stop cry i just bawled and bawled,0
rachel and jessy r making me work out thanks you guy,0
i m wishing i had more time,0
mycaricature the only bit that got me really wa when he said babs wa a bad mum i m sure that hurt her even though she s laughing,0
i am not wanting to go to school tomorrow,0
used the term quot fail whale quot to a client on a pitch last night from their incomprehension corp twitter is being done much lower in the org,0
rootbeerfloats you hate billy now,0
on a day work week fast forward to thursday please,0
snaprebelx omg i love that show i would be so mad i feel ur pain im sorry they spoiled it for u,0
is it possible to die from coughing it suck being ill,0
cant believe i have to go all the way to barnes for work today instead of a minute walk to st john wood,0
paulieseow hahahahahah i can easily make ice milo but it just not the same,0
why do both of my best friend have to be shitty simultaneously can u at least take turn hurting my feeling jerk going sleep,0
my art is regressing,0
onlysweeter i don t know the dance,0
laurwee boo im ok i guess had a hard day,0
jade is looking for a new home http apps facebook com dogbook profile view,0
damnnn i missed,0
sarahprout tweetfinder hate me and i wa having trouble with background on twitter what do you think,0
twilighter life lol yeh ill be studying stupid uni only more week and im on holiday yay plus my birthday next week woot,0
transbay quot sfmta budget proposal hearing tomorrow april at 00 pm city hall room 00 sadly i can not attend quot me neither,0
is afraid that her g i note will not read themselves,0
sigh rain why did you decide to show up move away you were not invited to the tuesday party this is not the start i hoped for,0
secretgarden i haven t gotten any porn spammer i don t check my follower but haven t had any tweet like that,0
somebody is selling the japan only release of my first album on e bay for damn thats it a classic is worth more than that,0
charleneli disqus now integrates conversation on many platform haven t heard abt j kit,0
and they advertising fake louis bag a 00 authentic on google i m pissed,0
can t sleep dam nap lol and it hot,0
why do i keep looking i know that what i read is gon na hurt but i still look i guess it s just a girl thing,0
henrygooden oddchicken i went there about a month and a half ago wa still open then smelt really good but i wa getting sick,0
is ready to go to bed long day tomorrow,0
job searching fyi yahoo hot job suck im never going to find a job,0
no electricity today so no tweet,0
big think can zack tell me how to edit my bio profile why create a login at a different co s site to get an answer from bt techhelp,0
morning all starving and dying for a cuppa but can t co off to doc for fasting blood test in a little while,0
very tired this morning no idea why great start to the day,0
morning all i m back from my little break from the computer back to work again today,0
at mobilityvic org launch no grog nice video from pwc though,0
still no quot follower quot please some inform me on how this work,0
miss him right now i need a hug,0
tried to get up earlier today didn t work out,0
omg revision revision revision i feel like i wasted an amazingly beautiful day today doing pointless work,0
foot is out of commission ouch running this morning did not help not smart,0
about to shower which i hope will wake me up at last oh and the synth experiment yielded nothing last night,0
is really bored and really sleepy and mad she can t find a custom lanyard maker that wont make me buy 000000 minimum,0
cmykevin ooh nice but williams sonoma already got to me,0
i ve finally given in now at malaysian restaurant waiting for nasi lemak and teh tarik mereka tak faham bm http twitpic com y bh,0
waitin the theory test centre open,0
got woken up this mornng at am damn lorry van and car accident just outside on our main road also causing car alarm to go off,0
i think i need to get laid sad revolution i had earlier rofl,0
ourcitylight that wa so sudden,0
now i want amanita someone made me feel unliving,0
lanarisque hahahahhha hows your food poisening going ha it gone away,0
missxmarisa haven t heard from hannah at all yet it s very disappointing,0
hutsoncap everything alright,0
is procrastinating i feel ill but don t want to go to bed,0
danielhalpin gon na try and find a sport bar to watch that at not got a chance though i don t think,0
want to go home and watch the hill,0
sarmar i guess i m out of funny,0
moethebeat aww moe i wa planning on leaving tomorrow evening are you gon na be in town by chance,0
i wan na write but i m not cool enough to make up a storylineee,0
gripping agreed love the sound but hate how everyone know them,0
brendamew no art tomorrow and nice to see you ve joined twitter,0
sigh i think my pm is making my mind totally over analyse thing and making me sad,0
doriantaylor i had one outside my patio i named him rex then the gardner took him down rip rex,0
ooops just ate a panini from w mart cold that say it needed to be thoroughly cooked it didn t taste raw i die nao from f poisoning,0
good morning for a very rainy france no gardening for me today,0
if ever there wa a day for staying in bed today is it,0
got to take cleo to the vet not sure what s wrong with her but she s feeling very sorry for herself,0
today is day of my fast amp i feel i may break b i go bed i must hold out til the end of the wk must stayed focused wish me luck,0
extremely jealous,0
kimmyawesome ohhhh that suck i love the summer set,0
daydee tell it you forgot your password amp it will give you a new one it s the only way i can prevent ton of spam,0
bedtime wake up call at am,0
so glad i made it through work with an extra hour too and my paycheck still waiting on the one i lost though,0
mum s been taken to hospital they don t know what s wrong she s been vomiting since yesterday rushing back to get to the hospital,0
congested nose,0
can t sleep need to talk to someone,0
penalba por favor decime ke no estas involucrado en esa pagina nicatrolls they re the cancer that s killing b,0
too cold and tired to write good twitter everyone wa obeying the cop tonight total dissappointment we were so close,0
lifee get worsee amp amp worsee,0
dnwallace i am shuddering and shaking too,0
sorting brekkie for the kid then off to the horrible place called work boohoo,0
my condolence to natasha richardson s family,0
littleyellowjen what do don t think ily nawwww,0
where s derrick http ff im xwxs,0
need to stop sleeping all day cause some problem when you re wide awake at am,0
missed today s ellen,0
i suddenly miss my flintstone vitamin tablet soooo gooood,0
mattpro legitimately good cop out there,0
onlytosee twitter s been doing that to me tooo,0
pealuh i think i need to go to twitterholics anonymous,0
lizhenry we haven t heard from her or sha,0
my heart ha been broken,0
i forgot how to sleep,0
morning everyone in serious need of some decent coffee why isn t the catering open yet at 0 0,0
mostazzza im sorry i ve failed you,0
codaqueen oh wait he doe have in oakland on the th can t understand why he only ha amp in oakland,0
is missing talking to my bff on da phone,0
wondering why i am so stupid need to eat more fish i guess sigh,0
i miss my old friend from elementary an middle school,0
twitter please fix this http sp ro b bdb because it brake all external twitter avatar search,0
look like i ve missed out on yet another job someone please employ me haha,0
tacce dang i ll get house off itunes i hear it wa a devastating episode,0
wow the shout box ha kicked me out and i can t get back in i guess this mean good night,0
slideshare s embed code is annoying me sorry about the tiny embed fail,0
flawless why did my baby have to eat prune today and now he finally went my poor baby,0
i am bored nothing to do,0
morning all st appointment of the day the dentist,0
amyserrata he wrote most of the album but ironically the single he did not write,0
someone please take gossip girl away from me i m addicted,0
good night swetdreamss to everyonee and jared never chat in kyte puff,0
horrible sore throat hurt,0
time to get dressed i suppose gah another workday,0
not to self licking off pudding from a seafood fork not so enjoyable a slowly licking off of a spoon,0
all ready to go to the premier and just realized how under dressed i am,0
it just make me happy over and over again i wish i wan t afraid to fly http tinyurl com skpp,0
eyrro awwwww bummerr sorry missed it again,0
waking up to the sound of jackhammer is not a pleasant way to start the day,0
almostcool i m off now,0
jon that just totally made my night lmao they were like screaming at me and i couldn t focus on the 900 mph song,0
nevada is really long and the gas pump are down but on a good note i just won in a slot machine i love to gamble,0
amirrabennett nope baby s due in th may getting closer but still 00 thing not done,0
headache,0
is still effinggggg sick when will i get better ughh,0
still in bed and don t want to do anything else university is callung too loud,0
seattle is in tent i miss my t o peepz tho,0
it just make me happy over and over again i just wish i wasn t afraid to fly http tinyurl com skpp,0
errrggggg my tummy hurt,0
thought it would be interesting to get f update from twitter slightly regretting the decision i can t see anyone el s update,0
ripped switcheasy color,0
we failed that song,0
poor mel feeling your pain,0
ugh still working on project just taking a small break,0
the one day i have to go to school is the same day something exciting happens at parliament square,0
watko shockingly not,0
today wa a le interesting day on twitter cboyack igeldard and iidiocracy were all kind of quiet today,0
courtneybrwn awww thanks i hate being sick,0
vip guest today quot blohheeee i hate it,0
up early,0
what the fuck youku i want to watch skin,0
i forgot my phone in my car but i m too scared to go outside and get it,0
i totally forgot we were going to do fisheye night what u doing thursday btw i m so late with the hill lol,0
totally shocked by the episode of house this eveing lost one of my favorite character,0
offbytwo seeing a doctor i hope,0
didn t pas the first part of the cset i missed it by effing point,0
kevinpeterson the g case were like that but scratch don t void your warrenty dent do a i found out,0
i have chapped lip boo,0
ryleebeth ye im not very sad but weirdly enough shes lettin me go da party how confusing parent r lol,0
kimboinlimbo no chance of that coming back when it d be 0 min faster than the javelin though,0
bored and lonely,0
back to classic rainy amsterdam day,0
feel like cry that s how sick i feel,0
horror wench me toooooo i feel like i ve been on the verge of an anxiety attack all day,0
i woke up an hour ago now i m having a hard time going back to bed in lakewood ca http loopt u rywlhq,0
going to sleep with lily and rocki lt johnathon is too busy watching batman movie http twitpic com y j,0
gaspitsnicole sigh me too mostly i midd hsnging out with my friend damn growing up p,0
mrskutcher lol i wish i only had bad sync in germany right now where the subtitle dont work at all lol,0
alyssaspears i m sorry maybe walking around all goofy at the store would help hint hint lt,0
contempted did the heroic ever go through if not sorry,0
im so tired this morning and there wa only cold shower water not happy,0
haha i ve been with my grandma for day even she s about house away i ll still miss her,0
clearing my desk,0
w every person there i didn t get a pic my phone died but he signed my shirt so amazing word can not describe should ve skipped mel lol,0
is cry inside please oh please let it rain so warm,0
thecoolestout,0
packing my overnight bag for tomorrow going to the hospital,0
gaspitsnicole sigh me too mostly i miss hsnging out with my friend damn growing up p oh yeah i miss being able to spell too lol,0
glavas lol u read my bio but spelt my name wrong darylo ahem,0
guten morgen up and off to get ready to go to phantasialand cologne yay but booooo last park of holiday,0
la discoteca i just saw this im sorry,0
nikicheong just reminded me that krispykreme http www krispykreme com my ha landed in msia and ha an ugly website,0
guykawasaki that s so sad for the goat wa ah ah ah ah ah,0
watching the roadworks develop outside the office that ll make me late for the next 0 week fb,0
at work w asma nawal in fe obeerate alwatan tv,0
i wish i could go bed with out having take an allergy pill,0
khqrightnow i heard them making announcement trying to find them the mother looked so worried,0
i have to work alone on saturday anyone wan na come keep me company cough cough,0
ok maybe i ll sleep for an hour or two then i must rise to work on my thesis,0
goodd nightt sweet dream to everyonee jared neveerr chat on kyte lol,0
tiffinyhogg i heard timewarp wa fantastic gutted i missed it wa playing egg,0
wishing it wasn t in the morning sleeping is awesome work is not and i need to scrub my apt,0
eileenb i had that a while back http tinyurl com dmukpr and i know some other people that have too,0
baf0 hi steven man it s only been a week and i m already behind on school work,0
weebeedee run wa great thanks is very windy today so bike ride not an option this morning,0
aniita 0 yes i did that s a sad topic for me haha i am not going to the concert it s very far and probably very expensive,0
couple of mt text didn t arrive here,0
decided to rejoin aerobics co i know i won t exercise if i don t after paying for it i only have rm left in my bag,0
ientje 9 aw i m fine too thanks yeah i miss you so much on the mfc but hope we can talk later on today kiss huglove,0
hartym look interesting but lot of 00 error on the documentation website,0
kal penn you were my favorite you did an excellent job,0
this break my heart navy seal marcus luttrell s doggy http www rightpundits com p 9 i am filled with rage,0
argh ive eaton so so much today,0
zurich doe not have smelly bag anymore,0
in the university in the classroom on the computer shit my day is boring,0
i want to get back in bed,0
fanofbsb ever sorry you missed it,0
worst burn of my life so sick,0
priscillacruz so funny because i watched only the strong today what are the chance i miss capoeira zoom zoom,0
it s official i m going to have an educational summer owh god bless me,0
avisionofbeauty your phone doesn t like it sorry,0
too much to do not enough motivation,0
missoliviaa nooo brat to the west coast hahaa quite making me sad,0
oh everyone is going to sleep how much i wish i could it only pm and im work,0
one thing i hate about dozing off in lects i wake up to a sheaf of wet and badly smudged note,0
sleepy head chance of actually sleeping slim to fucking none,0
where ha all my money gone,0
now i m down to 0 battery,0
kristenjstewart just watched the trailer for adventureland on itunes look so funny pity i don t think we get it in australia,0
i m so tired have to get up and go in to school during holiday for the rd time xxx,0
omg more than 0 people is the death toll in italy,0
thisismyiq layin down i dont feel well,0
scc skwerl aww how depressing,0
theblondetheory ditch in another parish some really sick people in this world,0
yo jimo i cant talk on aim anymore it glitching ill cya later and i hope u see this,0
i just gave an msu fan a car rental discount he looked so sad i just couldn t turn him away,0
ordered a pita it nevr came why they say the fax machine broke and the driver left what about my empty belly,0
britney wa fucking amazing after we just went back to the hotel i hate travelling with cheapos,0
powerpoole some people try to be tricky some stop using twitter at all i guess it s a good a it get i had to try,0
dra on now i am sad co u r sad,0
gotobekiddingme i tried and failed,0
ditty00 i m looking at mine and i can t even get to it school work suck atleast when u get home that s it lol,0
ac dc rocked last night back to reality today 0000 people without home and gt 0 dead in italy,0
heatherlibby oh well she seems like trouble christian slater is trying to kill her at the moment,0
hoping i can get some decent sleep tonight since i didn t get any worth shittt last night goodnight world xoxo,0
i want diana f it look great,0
i ve got one of those spot that doesn t really show yet but hurt like hell and will no doubt be a beauty tomorrow,0
ekim 0 hehehe too bad they were separated,0
babe aint callin,0
hetty christ heh yeah i shakily conquered the ladder pointless job tho we re too far away to receive digital signal w antenna,0
good morning hope everyone is feeling better than me this cold ha really got hold now,0
train rammed fellow commuter vile special derision reserved for the man who appeared out of nowhere to claim his seat luggage rack,0
kal penn i will miss you on the show you were awesome what a shock,0
talking to a boy hating work though,0
someone keep me up im at work,0
larrissar please don t leave stay for grant s bday,0
danielcalderonl yeaah i hate that,0
pmelt the only bad thing about aid is you can only catch it once id want to inflict more pain on the deadshits of this world,0
childhoodflames whats wrong,0
off to bed now sick n can t sleep but will try w help of med s,0
blip fm is down i m going back to normal tweeting for a while,0
lilylauren i get sad when ppl shave their moustache i don t know if i d cry about it tho,0
oh my gosh oh my gosh susy is going to kill me with her remedy,0
finally going to sleep and waking up early to study,0
i miss my friend from elementary and middle school,0
cyantificnhs ball although without the tune it s just a holiday then,0
chick corea wa tonight and i missed it now she sob,0
i m going to love this season of the hill i can tell spartan sucked goodnight,0
need to study for quant and do legal process assessment for moro,0
itsangie i canceled it with plane ticket hotel stay and ticket it wa close to 00 if we eat cheaply man i soooo want to see o,0
polaroidskyline that sound fair horrible i wa going to repeat myself but i guess the text i just sent you would do it better whee,0
bivancamp aw that suuuucks sorry dear,0
neyawn yeah interview don t know even when it is,0
lfta so ur just gon na delete me like that y do i feel like quot tom cruise quot on jerry maguire when he got fired right now yo lol,0
had the worst dream abt some turd face i used to date ugh it wa awful,0
shresthayash ouch i can just imagine a toothpic in the eye or something,0
uh i feel so lonely i wish my bffwiamc best friend forever who is also my cousin ha a twitter,0
why do people keep following me and then randomly stop it make me sad,0
still feeling bleh spew burp and all,0
hot deadline,0
ha to return the shirt she bought from topshop bc she ha 0 in her bank account that ha to last her the rest of the month life suck,0
woke up at am far too early more coffee then,0
is tooooooooo cold,0
why is it raining tomorrow night after it wa sooo nice today guess i should be thankful that i wa able to enjoy it at least,0
michael crichton,0
curse my slow internet i miss youtube,0
feel a headache coming on,0
gordonchiu you re one letter alway korean don t use quot x quot so there s no hope for me,0
working on the holy week,0
marnieblaze haha nope i guess nothing is original these day,0
lot of revision to do tonight too for my final assessment more assessment today a well 90 pas mark is harsh,0
all thats stapling chipped my nail,0
is cold,0
paulteeter we passed by the border,0
chewie update ocd in left leg fixed but possible ocd in right leg a well and worse still hip dysplasia in both hip not good,0
just got back from the hospital bf s nephew might have meningitis,0
chi u nay h p chu n b t ch c m y s ki n tr ng bao nhi u vi c,0
is coldd,0
please watch this vid and tell me if you are not moved http www youtube com watch v eujsme0torw,0
boo another day at work but only to go then day off,0
driving to schiphol apperantly i am not the only one stuck around aalsmeer,0
not anymore how doe daisy manage to take up of the bed,0
garretjiroux do u write back on twitter i miss ya garee x,0
getting changed in the hope that that mean we can go to the store now poor cat is out of food oops,0
i m in pain,0
nicolerichie haha yeah they were that band from mmc i used to have a cd but i lost it,0
i miss my bcd friend,0
oliyoung but that requires assembly assembly is completely overrated tonight this is harder than i thought,0
on a diet woke up day hungry,0
jbeauty oooh head high killin em wit da no lol didn t think so but u don t really know me yet i m a good tucker inner haha,0
i hate cooking dinner,0
maikeru you aren t connected with me back so i can t dm you,0
my compassion to the people in italy my mother is calling with our relative in italy right now,0
riskyrevenge wait what sick,0
oishiieats did they play polite dance song only my fav please dont say they did or course they did damn me,0
i need to find a battery for an elinchrom ranger nobody in canada ha any in stock,0
so now it s just a wait amp see game i fall asleep amp it might or might not be there when i wake,0
off to london today,0
smile like you mean it wow this song brings back memory still can t sleep,0
muzocan we should talk about this australia issue,0
i wa woken up from a deep sleep just to be let go for mad max not happy and now i can not sleep,0
sorry wa getting ready going to leave at am today,0
got a speeding ticket,0
kristensaywhaa he is an as hm did you watch the first episodeee i freakin missed it,0
scarletjac but not good for me close to my current challenge,0
but the international font look ugly going back to original font after all who d tweet in malayalam,0
doing some business study revision,0
miss david actually,0
http community livejournal com ohnotheydidnt 90 html how freakin cool is that why doesnt shit like that happen to me,0
i can t believe it i got my answer and didn t have to ask the question this feel awful,0
won t be tweeting much tonight maybe all tweet will come out in form of tweet vomit later at about in the morning,0
i think i need to get laid sad revolution i had earlier rofl http twurl nl ibz wb,0
txt chat with jake lmfao it frikkin awesome i miss this effin boy so much awww hoping you guy would come back here na xxxx,0
itsdawns thank rmilana don t like it hehe but it s very easy and well i m just a danish dude,0
craftysince 990 lol that s sweet i bought ticket last year amp amp my partnerincrime flaked so i didn t end up going but this for sure,0
razzberrie wha so now it gb yay haha no more laggy computer but my mba can not upgrade,0
defsound aawwwww i know what u mean iv never been that girl with a sense of humor,0
zaibatsu me i m up,0
wa super lucky to get a seat on the train we pay 0 for this min journey,0
coyoteontherun bet i oh wait mac no prolly not,0
my navel piercing tore a bit when i wa forcing my dog into the bed of my truck my fault i know it look to be healing yay,0
wow i got sick out of nowhere and now i cant think straight and mtv hasnt posted the hill online wtf,0
just woke up apple gig wa ace last night seriously tired now work begin in one hour,0
today s episode of quot house quot episode simple explanation wa so heartbreaking,0
i m frankly disappointed and offended that there is a blogger writing against fu penguin,0
tpaw wooo yeah sorry to hear you missed out on origin ticket,0
gooood mooorning world i had a dream last night i fucked my knee again def need to kick start my strengthening ready for bournemouth s,0
i need some selsun blue pretty sure i have a small spot of haole rot,0
i think im coming down with something,0
re newing my twitter,0
lindseyviloria about that i am gon na be in mexico,0
sweetlyaroundme p i woke up this morning and i cant access any website or i havent cleaned my computer completely,0
hate hearing his girl being ill nothing i can do though,0
stevediamond i know they have trouble but i never heard a thing i had many recommendation from mrtweet,0
scarlettdane no mary amp i were going to go dress shopping tomorrow,0
noelclarke good morning you stop ignoring me just co i said i like cough take that am very sad now boo hoo,0
feeling light headed and gross,0
thanks chaffie thousand apology please fogive me i have sinned,0
itschelseastaub goodnight chels and sorry about the major layout delay lt,0
coll aka aubrey oh you were joking well now i m crushed i wa totally gon na stand in the middle of a field and wave my arm,0
is waitin for th break down service a somethin fallen of my car i ve got my hot water bottle with me feel such a twat,0
holyjaw all in the middle if the night i ve committed myself to installing window with boot camp but i m already having issue,0
redgray ah man so sad his cousin committed suicide yest and she wa month pregnant can you imagine we been cry non stop,0
damn it down,0
megan equal murder,0
poor sandra cantu my heart go out to her family and friend rest in peace little one,0
morning all v groggy this morning,0
i feel soooo bad for my doglet she is not understanding why her mouth is so sore poor little thing,0
why oh why do i watch video of people dying right before i m going to sleep,0
why luke worral doesnt have twitter,0
dynoisthename haha you better watch those two they might actually kill each other,0
twitter is a lot le interesting since cute people suddenly stopped flirting with me,0
my stomach is feeling satisfied now been starving for hour,0
is very disappointed,0
i nearly spoiled myself for house did just a teeny bit saw a name but then it went away via link i won t be terribly surprised now,0
marlonjenglish,0
kittcat ya i wa basically screwed just rewrote it i will seriously go with you if you want i dont know anyone else who want to goo,0
lron jaii lmaooo mornin baybeeee don t lie a peaceful journey my train is straight boring not even a hooded teef in sight,0
i wish i had someone to talk to i m so upset no one like me anyway,0
willie day hommmmeeworrkkk boooo hope you fella had a good night,0
japh i wish i d known that there were more ticket earlier rang this arvo one left but amy would end up sitting alone sigh too hard,0
woke up to find this cold flu illness type thing isn t going without a fight and apparently beat you up in your sleep sorry keynote,0
whf t scc killed derek reese brian austin green i actually liked that character,0
equinux com just crashed safari tks you,0
quot fire of anatolia quot is fired costume are destroyed it s so poor situation,0
00am typical british morning cold wet road full of miserable angry driver good time i need a holiday,0
really now time for sleep dreaming of my city more tattoo and other great thing waking up to early morning sociology,0
just bought sour gummi worm peach gummi o s and cheeto puff and a ounce soda i m such a fat as had a huge dinner too,0
tubeyornot b you and me both i thought i found a tweetheart but i guess not so the search continues,0
pixie anna scroll back a few hour you missed a whole lotta jon,0
cyfyre no finished two year then had twinzzzzzzzzzzz,0
missed and the hill now i have to catch up tomor but i have real housewife ugh i need to figure out my priority,0
oh and it s officially my birthday happy rd birthday to me look around yet no one is here to wish it to me erik s in bed,0
need the motivation to get dressed and go to work i hate training,0
didn t make it by here today they are saying we will have snow tomorrow wtf it is tennessee it doesn t even snow here in winter,0
i just had two people stop following me,0
tried to fix hubby s computer it didn t come with disk and now window key won t work might have to buy it like we can afford that,0
v event no way ur at a game right now,0
it seems that twitter lost some update yesterday again twitter fail,0
my paronychia hurt,0
http twitpic com y vn remember these day neither do i siiiiike i miss my old body someday soon u shall be miiiiine,0
back work had a bad start of day almost falling down the stair not enjoying work yet,0
i lt cigs rip,0
i m up so much paperwork to do today n i m kinda getting sick not fun,0
just did km on the tready and want to die i m not built for running,0
un xnut if only i didn t work an evening night job,0
need s help with this anxiety crap,0
chaseboogie lol dont ask i wa being nice given a ride shit started bar b cueing on the freeway lmao i been had mine ready,0
azraeel got home after 0 in the end back in for a 9am start aswell,0
throat is so raw she can not sleep,0
t i just asked my friend what piglet wa winnie the pooh seriously guy what is it,0
i burnt my tongue on miso soup today,0
had the worst dream abt some turd face ex ugh it wa awful,0
longing to own a sewing machine my birthday is too far away,0
i havent slept a wink severe insomnia arghhhh why,0
terryfree lol byeee time to go,0
skunkie sorry i guess sarcasm is hard to show in 0 character,0
just microwaved a kashi chicken and spinach thing and put in the milk dvd anyone seen it i bet it s good i still havent seen slumdog,0
just got up i have to watch my lil bro s mom is at work,0
oh god one of the teacher here gave me a rotten gogoma to eat and i m so hungry i m trying to eat around the bad part hahahaha,0
still a got headache getting ready for work,0
ha to flip his lifestyle around goodbye to sleeping in and hello work at am,0
evilunicorn will do lt,0
honeyortar the hinge broke it work just doesn t open smoothly and it s pissing me off i dunno i ll see if it can be fixed first,0
damn it i hate this stage of the breakup process i miss the boy we had just fallen in love damn it why poop,0
rachaelyamagata you were amazing rach thank you for the music i waited outside but you never showed up there s always the next album,0
nightwyrm no not yet,0
i ate so many cooky that i think i m hallucinating,0
i don t wan na go to work i wan na go to bed,0
so much for th paper i just woke up from my nap,0
rampantheart can do everything except add a twitter field in the comment,0
i found my madden 0 in 09 oh well i say old is new again,0
is missing his favourite friend,0
brandzhd takin a break from the club please dont tell me where u at,0
i don t want to talk to advisor they don t advise the judge your arse off,0
down to pack of moroccan mint tea and a whole truckloads of kenyan tea,0
idolette marissatastic i m so sad about the house episode tonight but bigger amp better thing damn that taub lol,0
choclatdrop 0 he s not paying me any attn,0
shalinique for saying may change up ur twitter game i like u just the way u r on here,0
gen marie i hope we can fix you in california at least,0
oishiieats,0
i m not there is on hbo in 0 minute got excited then remembered i should get some sleep tonight and why is it not on again soon sad,0
too tired to leave bed,0
adreamforsteph ok house wa sad,0
ooh hungry before anything creep out of the kitchen with leg and or arm attack fridge ah cold chicken how exciting,0
junebugg i had to super glue my shoe lol,0
owwwwww what a doozy of a headache tablet later and it ha only taken off a slight edge,0
only two more day until holiday all my friend are in public school so we can t hang out on thursday then disneyland omg,0
find her mom rly annoying i need to detox and do an h o day my skin is shitting,0
i m off to bed way to late will likely be a sac a shit at work tomorrow,0
ylizabeth because you died and i never see you,0
kcarruthers i m only 0 year old in pixie year,0
body clock still up the chuffer note never ever stay up late again also afro is back,0
stupid thing wont let me get into my old twitter page so i had to make a new one,0
i am soooo tired work,0
txt chat with jake lmfao it frikkin awesome i miss this effin boy so much awww hoping you would come back here na xxxx,0
kristinfinley ur phone and it breaking disease ha spread to my phone it doesnt ring any more just flash agh only one moth till a,0
won t be doing the frank morgan race,0
chrisdjmoyles i m not excited a i live in wale,0
blahhh my throat is sore amp i keep coughing i hate being sick,0
i m sitting up unable to sleep,0
motivated to sleep but i m feeling quite icky,0
oh dear all the pup died by last night perhaps it wa because princess rejected them,0
i am going to be 0 in a month ugh,0
in the morning and i can t sleep,0
scarletjac thanks i know that video is harrowing especially the last minute i must admit i cried,0
just wrote a pg paper n 0 min studied n now off bed got ta wake up n hour oh joy nite all,0
beginning to enjoy lazy town oh dear,0
or should i say my brain need to optimise my neural search pathway to find my muscle again,0
i cried when i heard the girl from tracy wa found today it wa soooo sad may god bless sandra cantu,0
gmg 00 lol omg don t tempt me i just started p90 hour ago i need to at least be good for a day shoulda asked me yesterday,0
had a moment with run fatboy run,0
haven t even had time to twitt theese last few day insane,0
wyldceltic oh man it wa the most sad ever,0
twitter woke me up,0
spazmoraz get up lady see you in work boohoo,0
something got into my eye now it itchy aw,0
mrskutcher i wa just thinking that today how deprssing it all is make u appreciate life more,0
keelybin ermmm not really it s hearing the dreaded alarm clock,0
cannibaleyes i a bowling and the shit ripped,0
eisie mate that s rubbish 0pt hug tom covered in spot and obviously not happy but doc say it s nothing bad tell that to tom,0
warlach curse ye have fun at it i miss doing online pr for paramount pic,0
ugh just read on cnn that they found the cantu girl s body in a pond near their home how terrible for her family,0
can t sleep it s 0 am ugh i m not even sleepy,0
how sad i did not know andy hallet died http tinyurl com dhq xv,0
or so i thought,0
markress understand that we are all busy i can only tweet after work,0
samsungimaging better get your auto feature ironed out that blast of advertisement wa nothing le than industrial strength spam,0
texasvegetarian oh god ow that must have hurt like a bitch,0
up and showered now to get dressed for the late shift lollypop,0
gillianme yeah he wa,0
really now time for sleep dreaming of my city more tattoo and other great thing waking up to early morning sociology,0
dougiemcfly hey saw u guy play pushover didn t get meet u tho cuz of th huge line i wa very upset lol a msg would make up it,0
good morning i wish the weather wa a good a in germany today,0
i wish we had a dunkin donut in holland today my mom back from japan can t wait to see her,0
sooooooo busy right now have a lot of custom order to catch up on haven t blogged since the st there aren t enough hr in a day,0
right got a stinking headache but i need to run i m not a happy bunny,0
sorry i should say that this vid hit you hard please beware the last minute especially http www youtube com watch v eujsme0torw,0
wondering why gamebattles is down http bit ly qzuuy,0
too much traffic on the a can t wait till all 0 lane are ready 0 0,0
slept for hour had been awake since 0am yesterday and still i wa late for the exam got ta wake up at tomoro onwards,0
almost finished with new moon if i didn t have to work tomorrow i would totally finish it tonight geez,0
ok wonder why twitpix isn t an option for this new phone i got i can t win i ll leave the photo to my cuz i guess,0
they usually make me zzzz but not today,0
my macbook just froze luckily i wa able to take a screen shot of my paper and retyped the end of it i submitted my paper min late,0
rougeforever i ve just been faffing actually reading which is work but doesn t feel productive,0
thecampingforum if the forcasters are to be believed we ll be lucky of it last till this afternoon,0
babybazooka i do too but it s hard,0
cherylthelibr n thanks for the rebuilders rebuilding tip she s trying to help her mom thru a divorce and herself thru a breakup,0
left head phone ha died this morning head phone to keep me company on my journey,0
meganh9 same it ha been drizzling all day if u are going to rain might a well pour,0
i cant sleep ugghhh,0
just got to work and am so ravenous have eaten my gipton steak amp branston sarnies now i ll have to buy something for lunch doh,0
new iphone yay not restoring backup no stupid apple,0
a few catering gig very cool getting ready for the normal week working on easter,0
i cant sleep,0
hamporter i always walk by the annex hoping to see you but instead i get the nguyen family,0
know exactly how you feel man re http ff im xtn,0
im yellinq at ma mummyy lol she is angry at mee,0
i really don t want to go back to chicago i liked not hearing about bad politician or oprah i hate oprah only day left in the uk,0
candicenicolepr i haven t heard from you in while,0
still doing homework,0
shannamoakler i m afraid to fly too i straight up refuse to get on a plane it suck because it really limit where you can go,0
tony ha changed so much why did he have to change,0
feeling a bit better today at least i can walk i have no idea what happened yesterday on my way to school now ugh,0
just about to leave for another exciting day at work,0
christieeee aww i m so sorry dearyy,0
fuck la circulation ce mat,0
can t belive it we re home so sleepy hr today in round rock tx http loopt u getn w,0
i m at disneyland again ahaha and i m sad the pineapple stand is closed i have dollar,0
ok so hour into the self imposed shopping ban and i am already aching for a shoe fix this is going to be harder than i thought,0
my whip cream is melting,0
i wa woken up by my mom now i cant get to sleep,0
lonely bed no husband,0
why is it that i have follower none of whom acknowledge me,0
stupid m amp m make my stomach hurt,0
best monday ever missed gossip girl oh well spent time with bff today wonderful night xoxo,0
pilvlp my luck i d probably get stopped by a cop or something stupid,0
sitting at home and im very bored keep hearing really weird noise downstairs kinda creepy,0
let u know how he s doing ok,0
kailuh dis guy wa talking about his brother s cock and thats all i feel like talking about ewww you can figure out the rest,0
my birthday today feel so old,0
amelia torode have fun shopping but bear in mind the horrible forex truth http bit ly khbn,0
ok my tweet peep i must head to bed now got to take a test in law tomorrow is it summer yet anyway much love and hugger,0
working on my lab report that s due 9hr tonight,0
i am awake now because of twitter i wa just dozing off,0
jillglavan soooo disappointed your t i party is when i leave for vega i wa so jacked up when you first talked about it now nothing,0
runawaystarling unfort msn is a douche and a half to me,0
i have to butting poop again,0
oinker aida i agree,0
all these crazy pollen tree in washington state are making my sinus go crazy,0
stupid year project feel like you ve conquered something then you realised it s only year down,0
jdpeterson hope you feel better why cali,0
i need to go out but i am so lazy,0
laurenlenewx awww i m sorry,0
woo for three page down and seven to go why in heck do i procrastinate goal for grad school do not wait,0
morning all so tired today should ve stayed in bed,0
off to town forgot to charge my phone so don t think it will last all day,0
why must i be awake at this untimely hour,0
i dont want to go to school tomorrow for an exam after having one and a half week off,0
kal penn the thing that suck the most is that you were the one i wa most excited for even before i knew who the final team would be,0
i can t sleep it s too windy and scary out,0
darylsws kid are on holiday,0
summer camp or summer school both are boarding lol,0
after am and i m still sniffling and sneezing can t sleep morning is going to come way too early,0
these guy who is bill gate s associate make me feel like i know nothing i don t even know my name now,0
oh no azppa just sent email for state convention may amp there wa papyrus all over it sad b c i wanted to attend,0
pelf but work is demanding for so much more,0
watching greek cant believe it the last day ill see you guy june 0 ahh,0
is back at the cabbins ew,0
terrified by the news from italy http tinyurl com dhdpne,0
lili marlene ohh that sux,0
brainiacmathew i know and im on spring break,0
is extremely hungry,0
it s going to be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnngggggggg night at work,0
jennchambless me neither and nobody is awake nobody i m drunk and alone,0
dark butterfly not just you i thought he looked paler too probably from drama filming jun look healthier than ever though,0
sad to hear about the discovery of the little girl from tracy her poor family,0
just what am i supposed to think,0
why do i keep working for place that don t do the cycle work scheme disc at halfauds is good enough,0
in office doing irritating work for the worst client i ve ever had you cant choose your project if ur an employee,0
at wye river it s really cold this internet is really expensive,0
jammed my finger and it hurt really badly,0
damn my pc ha completely given out this suck,0
i just let my everquest subscription lapse just don t play it anymore don t have the time,0
had a flu shot at work now my arm hurt,0
heidimontag i love the hill but i missed the show tonight,0
jesmayhemwa still trying to sell the prelude,0
katsun at this point i m trying to remain optimistic that it won t be a delayed a live but it s getting harder each day,0
twitter is down,0
kal penn omg i am so mad you were my favorite character i ll miss you,0
wish david cook wa coming to phoenix trying to figure out a way to get to san diego on june th to see him i m obsessed,0
ill make fresh start i promise xtra sad puppy face,0
a beautiful morning the sun is shining the bird are singing i ve just been playing mousetrap with the kid damn now work,0
aholmes nj i wa able to downthemall before ta wa able to delete my account didn t lose any photo but i lost almost all comment,0
thisisguan,0
tuesday is a raining day again,0
ha a huge headache but got ta go to work,0
actinglikeamama oh you have a recipe for gyro i developed an addiction in germany and haven t been able to find any i like in au,0
still feel feckin arseholed a sign of old age me think,0
sukottoxd i saw ice in the rain today not quite snow but frozen water nonetheless,0
charp i wa being all nerdy amp thinking they could help me with my metropolitan area network,0
tired but cant sleep,0
jbeauty lol goodnight,0
i m laying in bed facing the wall and trying to relax but i m hearing so many thing plus the air conditioning sound is so louad,0
someone need to give this baby a home i would but it s a bit too soon http tinyurl com dzbppd,0
in bed finally long day tomorrow,0
cant sleep ugh if this is going to be a trend i ll need to find something to do with my wakeful night hour read learn a language,0
airlie is sick and now mason is sick too he is going to miss his school disco,0
our trip ha been canceled see the latest blog post for info http kiwinova blogspot com,0
just saw little and huge stingray in foot deep water off catseye beach at low tide no turtle yet,0
have to update my picture co i look old and fat oh i am old and fat playing badminton is not working on weight,0
just saw some snow flake,0
lol honeybaby i sound like a ny quil commercial that word only look right with a green background i want to sleep but i can t,0
feeling soree bad idea to go running when your sick,0
t t need more sleep but my body wont let me so i will draw instead lt,0
0secondstomars thank s for your prayer these day are very difficults,0
vanidosa what s wrong why do you need an inhaler i didn t even know you were sick hope you start feeling better,0
eri goodmorning hahaha let me guess cb hahaha me not,0
doesn t know why but is feeling very down and a trip to the gym didn t help,0
computer internet is hating me tonight i swear and i can t find my usb cord for my sidekick,0
taking angus for a check up today i always quietly dread it but this time he s poorly so i know the lung function test will be crap,0
grahamcracker if only you were working in the melbourne victoria police department or the melbourne city cab,0
doing homework,0
ha realized that twitter is getting more attention from her mama then she is hahaha lame,0
m0nkfish eww hershys kiss are ok but not amazing,0
whoa im super hungry life cereal w granola amp raspberry is calling my name,0
want to go to easterfest,0
really let down by gossip girl it s all i have to make my monday good and all they give are rerun,0
am trying to fit all my stuff in a tiny bag so i can take it on a hand luggage dont think it gon na work,0
sunky being a grown up is horrid isn t it,0
seaf 009 i am strongly considering improvising i missed last year i wa so sick,0
innocentdrinks coke 0 minority stake really not april fool can you give it back so depressing you were a favourite brand sad,0
ha just said goodbye to her hubby who is off globe trotting away,0
chauv i ha so many thing to do,0
bkgirlfriday dude it snowed here today cant imagine the weather in hawaii right now,0
updating my myspace profile i need more follower coz it a bit sad only to have one,0
when you read my update blogspot bulletin on myspace etc you could just figure it out on your own i don t care,0
thelmarockz thelma i can t see shiz i see blank and me and u comment,0
back at work have to go to zeist in a minute but want to stay here to do some work,0
i thought you could buy silent hill for the psp on the p store i can t find it anywhere,0
doing my tax not in the best mood because of this,0
i am not a fan of sleeping alone baby boo,0
i never thought that i could hate sombody but i really hate you tobe d i only gave you all of my love and you pay me so bad,0
tommcfly hey saw u guy play pushover didn t get meet u tho cuz of th huge line i wa very upset lol a msg would make up it,0
going to sleep now johnny just died on the oc,0
again with the fucked sleep ive decided to go do homework instead,0
oscartg morning no sun here unfortunately,0
i need a holiday only one day off this year,0
stephenkruiser sorry to hear about your dog,0
trash kitten solution will be found,0
got to do spanish revision today,0
ha a cold from playing outside yesterday,0
why doe stik o have to be chocolate,0
i need sims gaah,0
is listening to an awesome song but i dnt no the name but i wan na upload it on limewire,0
linda james im not a morning person never have been prefer the night,0
smaffulli correction they don t tell you but a cert is there how you can use it is a different matter and without win yet another,0
ktml i think it itunes fault i cant download it on my mac now quot store busy quot if you got it anything awesome in the camerakit update,0
katerih how wa the tj dinner tonight my freezer melted down,0
martiy ouchies have a good day and goodnight supertim,0
geoffmartinez youre going to be in mexico on easter why,0
early twitter buzz star trek ha secret premiere in austin http is gd r9vr holy crap wish i wa there,0
i think i m getting sick,0
happy birthday jaime loveyou lt officially screwed right now midterm quiz project and 00 page book shoot me please,0
revising my essay and talking to my hubby on aim,0
lizdinkel lol i figured a much but you never know we don t talk anymore maybe you became easily offended,0
traffic not a bad a normal so super early for meeting,0
yo that wa hella weird my twitter got deleted,0
they don t get hyphy on the east coast even to e 0,0
perfectly ripe and fresh banana go in the bag arrive at office it look like it ha been hit by a freight train poor banana,0
home mc bored missing him who him sigh im bored tadi exam amp wa okay thursday lagi exam gaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh,0
rufus rufus rufus bloody brillaint shame my mum is such a miserable crab or i could liten to him while i work,0
me and maddeh are so in sync that both of our stummics hurt right now,0
studying commerce how am i suppose to remember so much,0
it s just fever,0
cuz like troybolton is the hottiemcsuperbob omfgz my nail bud cry,0
arghh my hand are itchy could it be that on top of my alergy to beef i also can not eat chicken no more,0
i cant sleep missing the person i love most for the past yr of my life if only,0
time to get me as in gear and start the day,0
should really go to sleep so i can get up early tomorrow well today now,0
fairly certain i have the flu,0
i m going to put myself out of this misery and go to freakin bed ugh,0
is again in the math lab,0
i don t wan na leave co am is coming too soon,0
brightillusions only one to fill that position they ve just tightened our border or something which suck i want you to move here,0
where the magic happens every month lol sophia did a terrific job a usual what am i gon na have for dinner http twitpic com y bz,0
jmielcarz send some of that warmness my way it s cold,0
power to levitate still negative,0
trying really hard not to get sick from all of the stuff i just took to get rid of my cough,0
back from the casino a big fat loser,0
even a four day week seems too long i want to stay in bed,0
theajp glad you enjoyed it mate any more gig lined up in the near future none on the horizon for me at the mo,0
isnt feelin 00 day,0
going to watch julian play bball i want phoebe,0
duncanmacrae hmmm well good luck with that,0
just got a denied letter from bazaar bizarre sad i wa looking forward to a road trip to be a vendor there,0
now even more annoyed with bone i would have preferred the gratuitous grossness poor angela,0
onlinemigration me too although im still going hehe,0
i am layin in bed am co my tummy is beatboxn so bd so i hd wake up can t eat unburnable calorie nt gd for my quot ab quot i am hungry,0
bed work in am,0
no rain please,0
gabysslave thanks you too i have an essay to write,0
fuck len wein s house caught fire earlier today the family is safe but they lost their dog,0
think factorial design are going to be the death of my test quot a quot who come up with this confusing quot mathy quot stuff ugh,0
schnicklefritz omg i have the same problem i lent it to someone and they never gave it back,0
friendlypharm too bad it s true for the most part,0
thecamacho danm i wanted to hear that studying suck,0
yay hannah montana on disney channel fun not,0
all the photo i try to upload are too big,0
somewhere in the world right now the sun is shining and people are busy but not here,0
labrys the chat broked,0
ruthclayton oh i aint gon na be ur bitch but i will be his muwahaha,0
caught myself looking up the iphone promised i wouldn t torcher myself a i still have month left on my current contract,0
goodnight everyone well i m not feeling much better and i m going to the doctor tomorrow,0
cardinaire ya me too,0
blimmin heck i m slightly tired and i still didn t see no otalia,0
im going bed nowww surprising not rly i have school morow thats right my spring break day r over,0
want her camera back,0
first unc dominated second the hill is back hallelujah third econ paper gaussian copula is def not that deal,0
is physically tired but can t sleep,0
tks pa quot tapauing quot croissant tuna knowing dat ive back to back meeting since morning amp zuraidah tks buying my fav starbuck mocha frap,0
russyrhubarb a new twitter name without telling me boo by the way i think oberon is dead haven t seen him for age,0
jeffsmithcars why would you want to send traffic to that page at the bottom you say you re not done,0
arielehenriques why do i feel like your preaching to me lol damn i m guilty,0
looking at it i seem to be getting a completely different config finding shared hosting hard not having control,0
tv w charley she is too cute and too sweet trying to get over the blue cheer me up tweeter,0
djteck mean,0
while i do enjoy my job very much it always nicest outside when i m indoors,0
morning everyone still feeling poorly hope u all have a good day x,0
contemplated going out for a post midnight walk but still have pile of work to get through,0
oh em gee this is love http tinyurl com djjc want want want lusting after thing i can not afford,0
everything is still broken,0
mir every single morning i feel sick,0
i had hour of sleep and now i cant go back to sleeping im thirsty,0
indiblogger do i neei dotn get any comment and suggestion,0
my peace quiet amp stress freeness is bout to come to an end,0
found my sana and ha realized that just like a white girl i eat my problem,0
in work sooo bored,0
misselizabeth food allergy suck i became allergic to shellfish about month ago out of the blue and i used to love shrimp,0
d trix my mom just had a root canal also i feel your pain buddy,0
not even 0am and there s far too much noise in the office should have worked from home today,0
louislucci i usually only sleep hour a night or so going to bed now have to get up at am,0
tommcfly good morning tom why can t i send you a message this is too short for the question i have well to bad for me i guess,0
guess what my dad is pregnant lol nah the doctor doe have to give him an epidural for his chronic back pain though,0
josordoni yeah it wa good news a y combinator interview next week dunno bout the oyster will just suck it up i guess,0
sir almo it wont let me play doh keep saying user not valid,0
enibeni i would if i knew them ed si que se duerme temprano s,0
valonthecoast lol awwww i m sorry you re stuck n bored yes hun i thought you be trying to keep yourself entertained can t be easy,0
jamzeee i knowwwwww i sukkkk take care of my gurls,0
kal penn arrrggghhh and i hadn t seen last night s episode yet pity to lose you though,0
early morning meeting,0
infidelsarecool ugh how depressing i want to punch something,0
i still don t understand how to setup subversion for a website,0
imperiusrex brahbrah ugh bed in a hour,0
joshsharp no money yet i dont know anyone who ha maybe it all just a lie he having u on so we all like him a little bit more lol,0
sat at work not fair so not fair,0
whoh what a day now for the shut part hydraulics assignment time,0
oh wtf house not cool,0
brain hurty squishy mess,0
vomitto ahh ai dreptate pixar,0
woke up too early,0
watching tv trying to sleep not working,0
lisalent a part of freeview we don t get the sport channel,0
no way i m gon na sleep tonight,0
no travoradio this morning blipfm is down,0
dtizzler and it took me my entire walk to the train station to undo it,0
amyg0 thats really sad i wolud hate that but i had choco milk earlier d lol,0
i have had an allergic reaction to my contact stuck with my spec until it clear up mean and end to my breast feeding tho,0
wow my x 0 is dead,0
just finished cooking spag bol from scratch in other word been cooking for the past hour i m not hungry anymore,0
trying to write dssertation,0
ilovedt that s what i thought bummer,0
this response from support is blatantly untrue fake account are shut down all the time and it contradicts their own term too,0
oh noooooo kath is back from annual leave du du duuuuuuuu,0
kal penn thank you for being a great character on house i m sad to see you go,0
babyporridge i didn t get your twitter is crap reply,0
dad wa admitted to hospital yesterday so want to fly to cape town to visit r 900 for monday return ticket on kulula,0
haven t tweeted in age my twitterberry doesn t work anymore help,0
i don t like these late start night shift coupled with it being bloody light outside my window when i m meant to be going to sleep,0
longing for yesterday,0
i want a guy like carmello or jimmy,0
laertesgirl sorry to hear that anything specific x,0
ha ha ha damn i had such good time chillin wit my favorite hizzo danced my face off the lodge never made it to backbooth,0
work today,0
evilunicorn im not on aim rn,0
i accidentally put sugar in my food instead of salt so now i m eating sweet fried rice my clumsiness astounds me sometimes,0
why don t the hot guy from my gym get on my train in the morning it s always full of dullard,0
another sale pitch today for a potential surface customer i do more sale than development these day,0
downloading the torrent of last night s sytycda where my love bj wa tragically but predictably eliminated,0
waiting for an update about my car it s in the shop again,0
bored from doing homework what is pingping doing,0
the worst part about laundry is the longer that you wait to do it the more unpleasant it becomes,0
zappoman oh your tweet wa about weapon that s covered by pandora s box can t uninvent it leaving u all with mad,0
fuck i can t sleep,0
reznik 0 bonbonfire another fun confab no matter what come of it i wish i hadn t worked until 9 i m gon na miss next week though,0
is sooo proud with her bro huhu he s so talentfull i wish i could do best like him,0
i m missing my best friend i miss our fun time together i love you guy and i miss you so much,0
done with homework sneezing but feeling better day,0
passed out last night while mum wa puttin cream on my tattoo,0
princedavey aww no invite lol jk coolness for the day off,0
bobbyly nah gentleman i got class at am on wednesday but thanks anyway lt,0
phillyd awe it always suck when you cant sleep in your own bed hope your dad get better he is in my prayer,0
note to you all don t go to the choclate bar schiphol it is passenger only,0
didnt hear from my hunn today,0
getvisible journalist are up there with ambulance chasing lawyer in my reckoning,0
good morning world couldn t sleep tonight copenhagen doesn t want to leave my head,0
flo rider ha sampled that blue song he messed that song up for me,0
devakishor oh oh that s sad,0
i had a extravagant yet time conserving plan lined up for today which ive now forgotten,0
iwouldificould how have you watched it i tried the youtube link but it won t work,0
missing my boyfriend who im on the phone with but it just not the same tweet,0
wont get any rudd money for those in doubt http calculator ato gov au script axos axos asp context amp kb esb xr amp go ok,0
rebeccamayne that doe sound boring a hell becs,0
is sad because there wa another earthquake in italy,0
wilshipley i am sad the dutch localization in dl is bad it s incomplete and ha too many truncation,0
codylfriend you re not sweet,0
disobedientgirl wonderful i ll be slogging at 9 you get up at 9 eh,0
mrbigglesrox hey emily you lie meanie,0
pauliwhirl omg whine whine whine whine housing lotery is over stfu i had to explain to qidong that he wa fucked,0
i stayed up too late didn t get the design done like i wanted to,0
allergy playin up like mad today,0
planting a friend today not been to a funeral in gt 0 year,0
no music today blip fm is undergoing maintenance,0
anyshalyke oh you went clubbing without me lol next time we can do it together,0
just realized im talking to no one,0
jacvanek what a sad thought if it isnt lt cc,0
doesn t want to go to school tomorrow it s the last day but it s also twyla s day off,0
bavster twit u can t sip crap vodka nope not done c k got ominous knee pain not good,0
off to the doctor s today emily ha a rash which look like the measles,0
shantelleb so ha mine,0
aiiane what s wrong with being an attention whore,0
on the coach gon na be fun,0
miss rach already,0
deiondrasanders i m always up late i wish i wa a morning person but i m not,0
ahhhhhhh everyones doing laundry except me,0
boxee now ha pandora useless to me here in oz boo hoo,0
i hurt my leg,0
timvansas no not yet but also need to finish the rest of it,0
seanporter thank uuu i know i heard youre in dallas,0
downy weather where s the summer,0
karsentheslater i m getting pissy lately i know i make mormon joke at you i m sorry i hear mormon joke now and i feel bad,0
also i realize that sounded a tad drama queen but i haven t been sick in year it s hittin me hard this time,0
okay i m sorry that wa mean i m not nice,0
craaaaap my macbook pro is kernel panicking a lot now i think i m going to be forced into an upgrade sooner than this summer,0
pose ta b goin ta az dis week i hope lol,0
well that made me sad i sat down to watch tv and then remembered i dont have cable anymore lol,0
an thank you i have to now do it all again today,0
had a lovely day at the beach followed by dinner with a gorgeous lady roll on the work today booo,0
tyjanetrev i agreee clearly they only want attention sorry i couldn t catch the train mateee,0
i got smoke in my eye now they burn,0
love what drupal file framework module could do but is sick of bitcache error making it impossible to upload file,0
i feel lonely today,0
hebb i wish i could go to bed,0
haha my house is creepy at night it creak and stuff scary lol i m gon na go to bed,0
can t upload my pic,0
ah i hate flu now it third day guess what happened accidently i shaved my eye brow off i need glass,0
zackdft but i like reading the bullshit,0
im so confused this suck,0
ha to study math econ but isnt in the mood,0
misscassandra still on my quot lion amp tiger amp bear quot shyt but god is good consequently i will be too,0
why do other people get reply,0
damn stiff neck day,0
djginaturner no le gusta house of house min intro,0
missing the fab five,0
marcellariley it wa a repeat tonight for gossip girl,0
is losing her hubby for a week tomorrow for work easter and all,0
hoptonhousebnb i m thinking of getting my old fm tuner from the garage a i m having problem when my pc just stop playing audio,0
i want my money from kevo to hurry up,0
anybody willing to help me i ve been trying to make a sad tune on the piano for a new song but it always end up happy and bright,0
bursaar good for me i haven t gone to bed,0
baking oatmeal chocolate chip cooky to make me tired i can t sleep,0
and so the editing of 000 wedding shot begin,0
my facebook is fucked,0
kellyshibari i thought i saw you there you were walking out the door when i saw you,0
derek 9 shwe 0 sweet that wa fun except it stretched my browser and i wa watching twit,0
ad not yet appeared google adsense team said it may delay hr on http womenissues info,0
tired i need a regular 9,0
my dog is in my room snoring,0
going to sleep hoping to wake up and tommorow will be wednesday instead of tuesday i really don t want to go to work,0
wtfanabel nite i still cant go to sleep,0
im such an insomniac this week,0
alissa rule basically i feel like i need to take better care of myself after seeing that fool no more juicin for me,0
still spitting out stitch from that bone graft,0
hooray for the ever so reliable signalflare server,0
well that wa a fun night work now to start the working day,0
sleepin skankityspence halo tonight before you leave,0
schofe not off the side of the bridge i hope,0
watchin i m not there and missing heath ledger,0
indigored hot sorry your day wa a waste hope you found some good bit in it and yay you are homeward bound,0
awillert im so jealous i want salsa but the cooky were amazing,0
blip is quot under maintenance quot amp i m goin through withdrawel,0
madninjacurl hey neighbor neither can i,0
msjodiodie it such a sad situation though in of u will be beaten in u every second amp killed a day it s sadly commonplace,0
and so the editing of 000 wedding shot begin,0
journalist throw shoe at chidambaram http ibnlive in com news journalist throw shoe at chidambaram 9 html,0
starting to resent always being struck by creativity after midnight then having to get up for work in the morning,0
what s the best way to eat reheated pizza i keep trying to eat this one but it s too hot and make my mouth be in pain,0
nothing wa sick all day it sucked im just up late cant sleep,0
even with the best intention i m late for work again,0
linda james thank you i spent age on thursday tidying up then along came everyone and it looked like a right tip again,0
hero is losing it s momentum come on writer pick it up,0
it s so boring,0
is back at work although i wish i wa back in bed,0
it sprained so glad im on holiday,0
stupid bus wa early i missed it stupid thing then i missed the bus after that finally got a bus then missed my second gutz,0
mrnokill mrnokill problem is they aren t appealing to a wide enough audience even though they think they may be,0
aiyerchitra yikes now i have no clue what to do,0
i am engaged to muppet orlando and i just realised oh my god i cant marry justin timberlake,0
gosh it t 9 9 am and i am soooo tired quot yawn quot i want to go back to sleep but i can t,0
on the train sans guardian,0
made it into dc on saturday afternoon after hour in air and am now in south fl jetlag suck haven t had a full sleep since thurs,0
i m at work and i m sick and it helluva lot todo this blow,0
i am so screwed up a confused and dumb child i never felt so bad all my life i wish i have any specialty too bad i have none,0
went to the doctor s today and my blood sugar level wa,0
gosh it make me sad when people don t give god a chance,0
kaylee 0 yawn i m pretty good thanks awww i m sorry to hear that feel better soon lt,0
shelikescute that s so sad,0
it s 0am i ve been awake for nearly hour,0
can t sleep i don t like sonny being gone,0
not drunk at all kirstiekalamity,0
finally updated oohh i sooo miss the internet sorry to say that woop x may not open apr 0 so how s it goin,0
i miss sebby peek,0
dadi iyal and you ll get familiar with twitter pretty soon i m not coming back this summer so that mean i dont even see you then,0
love to get drunk just not by himself,0
i have a hole in my favourite top i bought it in the sale before christmas so i can t even get an exchange might try fixing it later,0
feeling very poorly and sorry for myself can t swallow ow stupid gland,0
streetwearbear yes i am thanks for reaveling to the world bro fuck my life hahaha,0
cherrytreerec i can t see anything stupid youtube and their location restriction who s in the speedo,0
she now want an mmmf except i have to only play a supporting role would mind but the other two guy have huge cock what am i to do,0
banned from sims forum for the rest of the week aww it feel weird i wa only sticking up for chanel,0
willadam i treated myself to that latte after the appointment which wa horrible i need to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed,0
celestechong oh but mine is ceramic so it more ex abit le visible inside one are very ex double the price n double the duration,0
dear crimestoppers thankyou for your regular service of our burglar alarm i m most grateful for the new 00db ear deafening entry tone,0
all the fightin and name callin i can still run my sister nite,0
sick today and i have a lot to do at work,0
trying to find a tech job can t find any entry level job any were also just about every job site ha more spam now then job,0
am insomnia is a bitch,0
just threw up all over the bathroom not fun,0
off to work,0
really hungry and sad that i had to throw my breakfast in the bin,0
oh darn it s mandy creed isnt it jordar mikerra,0
i dont understand i didnt mean to break anyones heart,0
obama is visiting istanbul today therefore all main road have been closed cause and effect,0
a lovely day blazing sunshine too bad i have to work,0
omg my girl just woke me up reason doesnt matter amp now i cant fall back to sleep got ta b up at so maybe i ll just stay up sigh,0
viennateng why didn t you tweet that you are in germany heard about the concert in marburg in the radio hour before it started,0
late night is all re run http ff im y0 l,0
just getting home it snowing,0
roxy yeah yep a loser,0
and finito all bathroom contractor been thru the house quote incoming then i need to bite the bullet,0
caitlinaudrey awww that suck are you going to the sydney one,0
sorry sf rescheduling my sf trip for this coming weekend to mid may bad circumstance,0
morw i get my blasted wisdom teeth pulled need sleep cnt stop worryng i hate needle,0
morning twitterati large coffee and a bath on top of today list first appt 0am then load of desk work,0
hitting the gym afterwards looking forward to rewiring my studio yet again,0
doesnt want to go to work lol,0
sherrigarrity sorry i missed responding yesterday rochester is in mn so we are not to far from each other dark chocolate rock,0
i wan na come with them to bohol,0
i have a cold buee,0
ate a piece of angel food cake and another laffy taffy,0
driving back to la quinta tomorrow i should sleep but i m oddly wired,0
aaaaaaaaaah still cold outside at least it s sunny for now that is,0
is running on low battery http plurk com p n0blb,0
at shell gas station lunch break tired,0
ready for sleep but having trouble sleeping,0
just burnt my finger on a hot cup of tea ouch,0
hhh it s time like that when you want thing to stay right then someone come and wreck it,0
mileycyrus i have the same problem but it s here let s see if counting work no z s for me,0
there is no way i can go to school today im way to sick,0
wikipedia ha gone forever see what the goverment do it there fualt let hope donation or something bring it back,0
can t seem to get over the dissapointment of haveing absolutly no one notice i am gone sad i must not be boring i must not be boring,0
http twitpic com y s9 he only reminds me of him because he doesn t wash his hair that s all gross i know,0
is feeling like dancing in the rain like a pixie but the rain stopped ohh well lol i ll watch flight of the conchords instead,0
just got back from the funeral of a government employee friend http plurk com p n0bvd,0
deepbluesealove your beau s not online tonight bummer for u and no music either,0
started getting mailshots aimed at pensioner it s all downhill now,0
wishing i could sneak in to watch the star trek premiere,0
owww just hit my elbow really hard on a door,0
cant wait c carter when bak skewl hate gettin sick it suks blech,0
best flight need get as in gear wana go away bt nt sure where cairo amp uk maybe bt may b able go earlier bt wont no til,0
wow epicfail on me i did a search for epicfail and didn t see many entry but apparently it s widely used i m depressed now,0
i don t want to be cold in april but i am,0
no my goat wool sock have worn through,0
so tired but can t sleep,0
dropped car off to get exhaust replaced that s 0 i could do without spending,0
school work boring working on a business law paper right now can t wait till i m done hopefully tomorrow grrrr,0
too many assignment,0
olabini still here though the site is gone,0
got to pause twilight now a nearly at work,0
hollaglam my fav english teacher she just had miscarriage amp u knw wht make me sad even more she wa going to name her baby tamara,0
anxiously awaiting june th it can not come soon enough my graduation ceremony am not looking forward to the 0th end of my break,0
what is common between chidambaram and george bush,0
morning everyone stuck in registration for a while then assembley nayyy,0
cezzadwen i think that it s pretty standard wherever you go can t find it anywhere in canberra yet,0
home with the flu ahhh suxz well and tired will go to sleep in about an hour or so goodnites,0
the first serial about my city so stupid,0
sianllewellyn ive txt you this morning,0
lfta got me what again i m sorry i can t understand ur last tweet,0
what is common between chidambaram and george bush http news oneindia in 009 0 0 sikh journalist hurl shoe at p chidambaram html,0
i feel like i should change my picture but i don t think i could part with my bff audrey hepburn,0
nooooo i wa doing so good im not allowed to cry ughhh staying up late make me think about stuff,0
my forehead is starting to feel like someone ha cut a slice out of it oh that s right someone cut a slice out of my forehead today,0
annemarike oh no owies when will that happen,0
thinking of pay day another week to go lol,0
allstarninja my choice are limited since they blocked my hulu,0
waiting for my flight slumming it in the departure lounge,0
area nightclub making out of the bewilldered uni student who have arrived home while the poor folk like me have to struggle on,0
it is just me uninstalled rail and tried with a fresh app still no dice obviously something bizarre in my setup,0
jcturner yeah not good even going back to didn t resolve it,0
tasouls what stupid show were you watching lol not that there is any shortage,0
still waiting and missing my baby boy,0
omg house what did i ever do to you,0
adriii omgosh they re like biscuit so so so yum xd you haven t lived until you ve eaten them missy p amp i miss you too x,0
tooo early im running late,0
i don t feel so hot,0
leaving koh tao start of journey back to bangkok http twitpic com y uv,0
cuckold i m being set up again except now i ll have to watch her with huge membered guy i feel like a hat stand,0
fionamccarthy i am sure it will i have got load to do today,0
p just broke my fucking phone,0
not many people from my home town using irl connect,0
xjerx she s at the ritz lol but been there before and it s ok for a gig not got any more planned what about you,0
is at work xx,0
katyrullman this is why you need to not be over in the old world i miss hanging out and being awkward with you,0
aplusk it amazes me men like you actually exist i hope i find someone someday who will love and value me,0
is going to school to do dt,0
juzley yaaaay maybe i should ve gone,0
mileycyrus i guess counting sheep didn t work hope you get some sleep,0
really need to clean the sensor in my slr a it is i will be doing spot removal from several hundred picture,0
woken up by someone hammering gt lt they have stopped now and i can t get back to sleep,0
ha a hangover,0
is stuck in traffic,0
elliee haha yeah i thought it would be much more complicated and well ive just got home from school we ve not got holiday x,0
i think i have tonsillitis,0
mileycyrus i would too if it meant spending a day in heaven w my mom and getting to see her again,0
foxwhisperer clean but it resulted in the soft top beaing soaked wet so i couldn t open it should be dry now,0
mhbigcatch oz golem but finally got a wight oz,0
nick carter time for warcraft yes but for a simple game of a group of fan no just let u know if u figure it out you want the prize,0
yopatrizzle not sure to tell u the truth it s been so long since i ve seen him but ask sumo s daddy paulskratch he ha full custody lol,0
really wish i could see eddie izzard on tour damn the stupid expensive ticket cake or death,0
i can t sleep i m stressing out jpc lt,0
think im an insomniac i just cant sleep birthday in day oh yay,0
cough cough cough that s all i seem to do right now,0
kal penn most confusing hour of my life,0
another long and slow day ahead sigh,0
islandnene well you didnt even consult me to see what my plan were maybe they changed and they did so thanks,0
dang i m lazy i ve begun three short story in the last three week and never finished anything will have more focus,0
lostmeself uh february something haha imy,0
mizzchievouz am sorry to say but it is still in the air,0
holy shindig thats hot,0
is thinking he s going to have to reinstall wow a it simply refuse to update to 0 irritating time it ll take forever,0
okie dokie my tweoples it been a long day and i have to be in the city by 0 am boooooooooooo good night my lovely lt,0
hoping i can fall asleep after watching knowing definitely wasn t national treasure,0
i think my email domain is being blocked by akismet,0
blip fm is undergoing maintenance http blip fm,0
yayfuckbuddies haha i would but you won t,0
why is it that anytime that i plan what do i get sick and all the plan go out the window,0
rodrigo very grey morning,0
feeling ill and sorry for myself,0
o have too much on my mind and is trying to write it all down so maybe i can get some sleep before class it s not really working,0
cufa getting lot of dentist time myself at the moment very stressfull and sore take it nice and easy for the rest of the day,0
coke zero mobile site broken on iphone anyway http twitpic com y xp,0
quot bruce springsteen embarks on world tour quot apparently oz is on some other unworldly planet,0
today i got do shopping easter lt malachi xx owww i m so sore too day,0
being grumpy abu dhabi is so boring there really is nothing to photograph and no one to go with,0
kel marshall tell me about it had some mortgage quote last sat going to be skint for the next 0 year,0
is hoping the posty delivers my pink ticket,0
rustyrockets do i sense a blog coming on too bad i have to leave in like 0 min xxx,0
the house is one big mess everything is crammed in my bedroom while they do up the other room,0
not liking being back at work this morning,0
argh opened my crisp upside down i hate that,0
feeling really really ill,0
blazing row with boy tantrum all round missed train and now standing on platform feeling guilty,0
don t have any hot water,0
enibeni lol im sorry love ya stupid dating coach that make me feel self conscious about my hair,0
joenoia wa up lovely i anit show you no love yet,0
worst dream ever and not my usual nightmare either the worst part is it probably gon na come true,0
pfff i want to go back to bed i feel horrible today,0
i also want easter break p sklov,0
can t sleep and dunno why,0
biking is hard ya ll,0
dougiemcfly morning i m really upset my rabbit ran away last night and the postman woke me up early reply ilu x,0
off to the drs it too early,0
man my internet is slow atm,0
is looking at the gray sky the sun ha been stolen again,0
ha a very painful shoulder this morning,0
am i m tired think peace out m,0
i will say it out loud i miss you a hole and your answer to my iphone question now who will help me upgrade to 0,0
my heart is abused with so many hurtful lie and truth i hate being sappy about these kind of thing i hate it,0
so fucking bored of work,0
landed funny on my foot this morning while jumping down the stair and i twisted it quite sore now,0
in a taxi on the way to get pizza bad traffic and headache worst,0
xombiexs of course what aren t they remaking at least with haley i have a bit of hope,0
i had a migraine and now i can t sleep boo,0
for some reason i have a strong urge to draw illustration for novel cover,0
prodigy were ace last night only managed a few hour sleep last night not feeling myself today have a cool day guy,0
ha realised that this time it might actually be final,0
having a horrible headache day and nose bleeding awful feeling,0
just found that if i use window to browse twitter com the firewall software will automatically turn off and the pc hang,0
back to work with a bump the long weekend is definitely over,0
curse my yoghurt exploded in my bag on the way to work now everything smell like toffee,0
my heart is abused with so many hurtful lie and truth i hate being sappy about these kind of thing i hate it gold for syf k,0
ia awake but ha to go into school today,0
im lonely keep me company female california,0
in genting now but i now at gohtong jaya using com,0
vishal ud yeah got no choice am not to study am to reach class on time for the paper hows eco treating you,0
sloth isliye call nahi kiya baad me thinking ki ab to tu movie dekh raha hoga,0
gloomy weather again,0
sigh gon na take a while to find all the file argh,0
is sad that the march break is over,0
mileycyrus awww u seriously have the cutest dog miley sorry your not with her now hope u get some sleep xoxo,0
qr veolia fail translink the bus and train don t align so the early train is just a late a the bus one hour later,0
crackcouture wow that sound fun nah just going to melbourne for a couple of day unfortunately,0
ha tonsilitis on my birthday,0
jeffkang greeeeat but now i ate all my hard work away,0
ellendeg ellen do my message not get to you if you didn t notice i m sad i try so hard to communicate wif u,0
observe amp report wa premiering at the chinese theater i wa driving by slowly but only saw the reporter amp red carpet no star,0
tried with smsjunction com but got odbc driver error,0
ch0en huh like what i didnt know,0
i had plan today and now i m scared of you know moving for fear of teh boke fml,0
just heard eminem s new single it s official he fell off just heard eminem s new single it s official he fell off,0
a bit under the weather the last coupla day workout have been low in energy,0
it s a nice day for once and chibi and i are stuck at home waiting for a parcel,0
officialrandl where s the update or have i missed something,0
ellisonrox awwww but she will be on tomorrow i will still watch her show even though you guy persecute me are you far away,0
it the holiday and i still bloody insist on waking up at school time,0
finger hurt can t sleep even after my vicoden amp alcohol combo,0
i fell tired i want to sleep but im almost done with some work and i need to go to the bathroom,0
is missing her roo and totally ready to be over this stupid sickness arghhh,0
icedcoffee they end up back a read only and still the error persists i cant add anything to the library now so cant update my,0
delicatelyreal i feel your pain,0
i need to post a video but i m stuck,0
nixpineda i miss youuu,0
penalty scored at tynecastle still got beat though,0
duncn revision again oh and morning itscammy,0
nobody like leatherhead,0
okay bb lt doe anyone know where i can get info on how night club in l a cost i wan na rent one out next year please i ll invite yall,0
ha got combined ear and toothache and want to rip her face off stamp foot,0
laratron ala i have no pimms,0
i don t think i like the saw ride at thorpe park the tv ad make me feel sick so goodness know what the ride would do,0
just joined twitter and doesnt know anyone yet,0
pfff rearanging database,0
is wishing he loved me,0
heidimontag the hill episode were so sad p love your name,0
watching dj emir battle his computer for supreme ruler of the studio i think the computer is winning,0
quot flight of the conchords quot suddenly disappeared from spotify,0
kid up at the crack of dawn i m still full of cold bleh starting work stuckrecord,0
naar haddow racket mee wahey,0
breonna why not saturday,0
for some reason i can t explain i know st peter won t call my name,0
marleyuk i think you spoke too soon big black rain cloud charging towards town now,0
and i didnt end up seeing it bumma some ppl are being a pain,0
is with the flu,0
isnt there any way we could update twitter through our cellphone,0
vindiekins aww you re leaving me just wa hoping for input i have avatar in the rp thread on mtp torn on personality,0
krist0ph r thats damn sad hope thing will be fine after gud lunch,0
sinktoswim hopefully it will be,0
just enabled activesync on my google apps account i can now sync my contact and calendar over the net but no mail a of yet,0
in loveeee lt and it hurt,0
i hate being away from her i cant sleep alone anymore,0
depressed our new app s alpha 0 0 0 is now even more complex than our last app s version 9 i long for those small dev team day,0
currently watching quot roommate quot i miss the nyc,0
need a hug,0
back at the office still only day until another long weekend,0
mstyrac lol yea i thought about tht sowey but thnx i have some rod one sitting around quot orange my fav color just didn t kno how use,0
feeling blue and almost everybody say that my joke are bad,0
waiting waiting waiting for a phone call that may mean i can actually sleep at night but then again,0
hate being here,0
therealswizzz i guess graphic art didn t make the cut huh,0
may hold off on hawk getting a job first might be a better idea but i want it,0
jvmediadesign i have pic of bucket kitty but i ll probably post it tomorrow now mean having to find cable and connection,0
http twitpic com y i snow the guy i m seeing car at work lmao he gon na kill me,0
bonniebix controlling own life not possible uni after graduation when i start master boohoo,0
having a major head ache this suck men arrrrrrrg,0
mileycyrus http twitpic com xszg napping at this point you may need a few of those gma is gon na come early,0
yes it is and i got ripped off do not shop at wow,0
slept badly still feel like hell but maybe not a bad a yesterday why am i always ill when i take time off work,0
at work and a little sick,0
it already in the a m i need to sleep especially since i have to be at school for hour,0
beeeaaach,0
what a bad day need comfort drink sipping on a mocha frap here at starbucks with tricia so tired,0
what a day so busy my head hurt from thinking too much annnd tomorrow will be the same woe is me,0
ha just realised he work with a bunch of racist,0
gerrycoe hi gerry i m in dublin most of the time college,0
tweet today quot have a limbo party while you are still supple enough to get under that bar quot still,0
yayfuckbuddies what i would and me horny too,0
im hungryyyy need more sushi,0
i really wish i had not bought the camera le e that day when my 0 went dead i miss photographing little thing dslr is too bulky,0
arhh i think i ll end up going alone but i will see it at some point,0
skoop but those cause rsi too rsi guide always tell to use two hand for shortcut ah well i wish you luck keep me posted please,0
marcfennell i should be in that photo,0
alenakristina oooooh i love it sorry i can t help if you can t find it i probably wont be able to find it because well you know,0
sucked in heather sewage bath xp and poor owen in the bear total drama island,0
borning thats me with a cold virus all bunged up and eye all squinty bah,0
the one day i really need to go into school and i m not well,0
is no longer on google,0
britsystem she stopped eating and is just sleeping all day im worried about my precious little bean,0
finished making chocolate and foot really hurt,0
gawd my laptop is fucked up now system error just using my lil brother s laptop,0
freshly squeezed lied they only showed the video in the end,0
ok so i stayed up but didn t watch hero did admin stuff and wp stuff learned some new wp stuff and finally happy with the layout,0
i loved mari trini s song when i wa a child,0
devastated that the spiegeltent won t be coming to edinburgh festival this year http tinyurl com djh pr,0
i m sorry i ve ruined everything between u forgive me,0
i think i should not use twitter a i offend people unintentionally,0
mitea is missing http apps facebook com catbook profile view 0 0 9,0
day leave then easter no work for a week except for the long list of diy job to do at home,0
heading to bed have to be at work in hour,0
gnite twitter world long day tomorrow night class till 0pm,0
is going to priceline city tomorrow but lost her must have list,0
i miss my kitty cat,0
is off to the dentist then the midwife for blood test whoop de frikking do,0
missing vemsteroo unwell still so having phoned the office am going back to bed it seems empty this morning sigh,0
lizp0 x oh man that suck i m hoping to go to school happy tomorrow or else it won t be good ahhh,0
cant be bothered gwtting dressed x,0
is tired of flowchart ken,0
stompthewalrus haha well i have lived in texas the past year i think that explains itself lol si habla espaool,0
completely addicted to my iphone it s like a bad habit,0
wanting some sunshine so we can lay in the pool,0
still up trying to finish a mix,0
fucken a man lol tiring night at work hope to get this job for got bout the hill dang nabbit lol,0
this sickness is making it impossible for me sleep that and how hot i am,0
cyantist you re so lucky i wish i did,0
twxtd jordan i wish i could i have to keep my door open for other people that may need me,0
saamx thanks you too lt,0
abacab 9 still sore come put tomorrow though,0
shutting off twitter,0
friendfeed beta doesn t appear to like my twitter account http ff im y0zm,0
hmm the work is not easy wasted two hour for a silly mistake now one system is too slow,0
mileycyrus where did you find that quote no don t answer better sleep xoxo from germany where it s already morning,0
you know a monday s really bad when it spill over to tuesday,0
can t sleep and wondering why my following keep going down guess i got ta try and be more interesting haha,0
boycotting work on facebook s fashion war,0
face a mammoth task for the rest of the day so many thing to do so little time,0
is so jeles argh sy pn mau jln sm kau jg sadddddddddddddish,0
annoying place pm and half the hawker s closed i want otah,0
mm twitter appears to have eaten some of my post naughty twitter,0
at university of hawaii s hamilton library doing hw drinking orange soda,0
masha is alone and sad http apps facebook com catbook profile view 0 0,0
to the people who called out to me on the red carpet i wa blinded by the light,0
moony 9 omg i can t believe this i want to cry freaking fb spoiled me how could this happen,0
watching david tennant interesting set filming update i wish i wa in cardiff,0
struggling regarding the fact that dance is day away on the other side vacation,0
ummm so i have to wait until am for the video,0
ow ow ow tummy ache too much candy i never learn,0
anyone else having trouble accessing their reply when i click on the link on the right nothing happens i can t access them,0
feel yucky sick this morning,0
catdevnull nah same one rang up to see what progress wa someone else ha offered but been rejected they reckon to get it,0
is feeling terribly sick right now,0
ugh i wake up and ff go to sleep guess i should just do more revision,0
i wan na see twilight again love it but i don t have the dvd oh well guess i surive,0
r i p baby girl sandra cantu my prayer r with the cantu family be strong,0
i d like to know why i never sleep,0
kremsersenf away from tubingen and the germ yes away from friend not so much,0
completing report and meeting this morning interviewing people this afternoon busy bee today blurrgghh,0
there wa a problem with your picture,0
txbrad i need coffee lol i saw you tweet this on mcintec net lol it come up before mibbit mibbit is so slow on twitter it suck,0
well everyone after a super adventurous day luke ha gone home let u all morn the loss of a hero im off to continue playing sims,0
i really want a puppy,0
quot blip fm is undergoing maintenance quot sorry no music tweet for now i m shaking already,0
jonnyisgeek i cant watch it suck,0
amsterdamant unfortunately i didn t dream about shoe,0
no travoradio this morning blipfm is down http bit ly ch xr,0
ohonefourthree this is me word for word my stomach is all fucked up suck,0
hey djtracyyoung why aren t you playing at gaydays this year every year i know tracy s night will be the best night,0
money isnt suppose to depress you,0
x0mrsjoejonas im okay im just really really missing my best friend,0
breezyskies i did the pet course last time i wa in sf ok on theory which i knew not so good on tool what i wa after,0
barryearnshaw pezholio my achilles heel for spending is x dvd s for 0 in hmv,0
appletv ha died dreading diagnosis,0
is not looking forward to class and work tomorrow,0
a day negotiating wth insurer after spilling beer on my laptop last night probably to no avail,0
nobody is talking to me,0
just woke up,0
bkk ha protest maybe ho chi minn city,0
i m hella breaking out,0
is probably sick ffs,0
is poorly sick,0
corienb kutner s gone really have to see the new episode urgently but they aren t available on dvd yet,0
goodnight nobody since i have no follower nobody can see me say this,0
darn forgot that tonight s shoot wa postponed will be at a loose end now quot,0
amazon mp downloads down to 9p so much for my 0 cheer jodiedoubleday http tinyurl com dg qtg,0
ladyldn i hope you feel better soon being ill is no fun at all,0
is finally home after a shitty day at work doing floorset,0
maybe an insomniac or just nocturnal,0
eliteforce i have been told by friend that constantly circle the globe that the flight from the uk to downunder is the worst ever,0
in a queue for a ticket at phantasialand look busy school holiday ftl silver mine and winjas fear are closed too,0
cherrytreerec oh man i can t see the vid it ot available in my country,0
tryin to take a nap i can t sleep,0
bivancamp did you update itunes to the new version b you lost it new software update killed my ipod,0
wondering where the sunshine went,0
just got up and nappy very wet and split at the back going for a nice baby bath and then back in nappy i go,0
honeymunchkin my anger is getting bigger for every minute that go by i got some uglycomments on one of my video,0
today is the day the government kill u all,0
haven t talk with aaliyah love in a few miss her some wife say to thank her for the mag she sent u,0
newkidsfan awwwww ur gunna make me cry i miss him so much he ha blessed me w so much love and memory,0
dottedwithearts lol i still got ta work always do,0
finished everything she need to do at work tonight ugh three hour of nothing coming up,0
i wish this wa easier or that you got the hint booooo,0
good morning can t believe this is my last week in london but i will be back in the marketingworld of london for sure,0
im boring i really dont understand how to use this,0
cathrynscott thank you nor me,0
ha nothing to contribute to a discussion of angel and airwave v blink,0
doesn t want him to go,0
just remembered that i ve forgotten my best friend birthday,0
awww ellie sound so sick poor thing,0
baby i miss you so much,0
writing an article video converter in test it ll take a long time,0
pietrofelix good luck enduring the tiring journey,0
about to start the epic drive from glasgow to alton tower look like a rainy few day,0
at work and tired doing report fun no not really,0
maya is being spayed today i m very nervous about it,0
thats it im folding and getting tweetie for my iphone twitteriffic is taking toooo long to update i need grouping amp reply,0
is tired,0
storycorey but it a mac,0
is going to be a long week funeral and work tomorrow jac,0
gon na be a great day of the member of our team are off,0
woke up and feel like rubbish rest or chill indoors and play xbox with a cold drink,0
rach oh no that suck mike ha to work saturday and monday andrew got from friday till wednesday off the bugger lol,0
i m over it but accutely aware that only bob will ever know that,0
wake up in paris but it s grey need more sun,0
peachfuzz uk ah but that s ok you see a it is quot to stop da terrorist quot and anything that claim to be for that is acceptable,0
i m trying to fine friend on twitter no luck so far,0
my xbox a finally given up the fight,0
working on my senior paper,0
ohhh i hate civics,0
havent update this in a while bin stuck with my gf during the week non im bk in class learnin,0
argh driving into london today made a wrong turn at king x stuck in an extra 0 minute of logjam traffic,0
nothing beat the cold damp feeling you get when pulling on a wet pair of knicks,0
yay no work todayyy but working for the rest of the week lol,0
dancing with myself i m not emo want to write a song,0
i m ill i don t like that,0
the last season of the hill what will one do with oneself when it end,0
havent update this in a while bin stuck with my gf during the week now im bk in class learnin,0
ellelovexx haaaaa i want mac amp cheese toooooo hahahaha hey i still got the one u left here i guess im making that today oo lol,0
ugh back to 0 dollar fill ups at the pump,0
helenvking i feel for you commuting on packed train is hideous,0
triner too bad you couldn t wait another month or so for me to sell mine,0
i miss the glass house but thankfully pretty much every moment of it ha been uploaded onto youtube,0
the future is no more a it used to be,0
love her iphone but hate the fact tjat she need to charge it often,0
plug on train once again doesnt work,0
theresev solen var inge varm,0
waiting for my cisco ip phone to load,0
listen to jonas brother i love this band but i come from germany and i can t see them,0
bradhfh hello you stoped talking to me lol,0
is even more irritated to find that the patch doesn t even get released properly until tmrw whats the point of letting you do it now,0
jess t they have diff camp gahh they re all rural though woga woga and bathurst but they re the best advertising,0
tried to install a twitter application on my phone didn t work tough boo,0
nybabe oh ball i forgot all about your article in the mail yesterday have you got a link to it or an electronic copy,0
doing some architectural modeling for a change now going smooth so far intuos m is looking very tempting can t get one yet,0
you promised not to leave me right i hope you wouldn t break that promise,0
flu shot ouch,0
i am scheduled to be very productive on a few hr and i still can not sleep insomia ha gotten to me,0
stephen just left i miss him sooo much,0
i m gon na lay down and count my breath until i fall asleep wooo lol it s cuddle day today i need someone to cuddle with,0
it pm here and i dont wan na go to chemistry course i dont wan na meet jordi thats the main reason,0
leah you not going then,0
zinziii dammit when ya heading home we didn t get messy drunk together at any point,0
tonight s gyratory system show at the vibe bar will be electronic due to drummer illness,0
wow nw00 00 are now operated with a 0 we can get ac power cool but ticket price is hyper crazy expensive,0
so cold,0
in a few minute then going to bed since eric hate me and wont run around with me,0
it day one of my ivf injection so let the fun begin,0
stephendon i just cant commit the time though my play time isnt the same a everyone el,0
michellepen immensely started playing with new site a i didn t want to mess up easter one paranoid moi,0
let s hope the sore throat clear up before the break and is not a pre cursor to illness over the holiday,0
ha a bit of a scratchy throat i hope it go away before thursday and my weekend of fun,0
ugh hate haviinq dis sleepiinq problemsz,0
wanted to tweet that i wa in victoria but silly canadian service wouldn t work home now and sad vacation is over,0
there s more security here than at sydney airport and no spirit at the bar startrek,0
adamcurry is it possible to add another stream option that us the regular 0 0 0 port i can t stream noagenda because of fw proxy,0
gfalcone 0 nawww fly me to london australia is boring,0
addersop i have a habbit of misspelling bought,0
just got back from picking up my parent goodbye house to myself,0
i understand nothing from this twitter,0
yawn morning all i had a real rough night,0
trib agreed,0
the sun is shining got ta get to work,0
moony 9 i think i will be even more in denial after i watch,0
turn out there had been earthquake warning in italy and they were ignored http bit ly dvyg,0
cube creepin me out dude may have to cancel my trip to sydney now lol,0
going to work now,0
it s snowing again,0
im bored and my finger hurt from playing the guitar all day,0
sevenmac you should set up a video channel for your podcast on miro just checked and you re not listed there,0
will have a meeting in an hour to explain quot which version of oaw we use quot what to say none atm it s just a heap of unbundled emf tool,0
i miss my room in pasig i have no place right now to take sp s,0
carter co kentucky ha estblshd thier first public library and are in need of a director thier entire budget is only 000 year,0
in this day and age doctor shouldn t take this long with result,0
train late again i m gon na have to walk the hall of shame,0
mae fitch you keep deleting my number,0
jess t haha i know eh but i m thinking about vet science at sydney uni cept that the guy wasn t there last night he wa in hostpital,0
i miss them in adelaide i wish i wa there too the beach look beautiful,0
umm yeah homework,0
well i m going to bed early i wish i could sleep in tomorrow,0
morning tweetpeeps i didn t get to bed until am yesterday wa on msn to alex until and then wanted to play dead space before bed,0
good morning i m off to the hospital with my dad to spend basically all day in the waiting room just for a two minute app fun fun fun,0
can t sleep and brother is at home with girlfriend and baby so i can t sleep in his room any more,0
firefox e lanati hey crash hey crash,0
want a polaroid camera,0
off to the hospital s some jaw breaking is about to happen,0
i wish my iphone would let me do the thing it would be so much easier,0
tried to install a twitter application on my phone didn t work though boo,0
i don t want to study i want to go shopping instead,0
i saw a girl on the blog thumbnail went in and she wa wayyyy cp i feel dirty i need a shower,0
ahhh the drafthouse had a surprise world premiere screening of the new star trek last night and i wa at torchys,0
andygosling ouch zoom and the clearfix method are your friend,0
is just loving the fact that it is 0 in the a m and my lil daughter will not go back to sleep,0
nasty scraping noise from the back of my car,0
php give me a segfault with a preg split,0
quot it not how you are alike it how you are diferent quot i just cried in that montage flashback in hp make me cry every time,0
in my bed trying helplessly to breathe out of my nose without coming across the itchy need to sneeze allergy suck many thing,0
the sun set way too early,0
hello tuesday hope your better than i think won t tweet for a few hour later,0
mileycyrus http twitpic com y 0 i want a sofie she s helllza cute,0
chewbeka yeah it is brutal at least it s not until june lmao but i m excited then we have to get onto another plane to canada lol,0
but first the other workathlon set of management account one after the other,0
dhughesy thats when i have my birthday but we already have plan,0
msdivineknight see thats why i never go to bed early cause if u sleep u miss thing i slept i missed joe unhappy and,0
i m struggling to type this morning maybe i m still suffering from day glo overload from friday s 0 s fest,0
in which episode did house and cuddy hook up apo meeting this is all your fault,0
waiting for my love to get home and getting sad that there won t be hot cross bun after next week,0
leelowe aww thanks hun but am just picking this up now i wa in scotland until yesterday evening how d it go,0
is about to kill off one of her favourite character dawww,0
site load rising again increased my capacity but it s going up still,0
gabrielmansour multiple book at a time although i have a bad habit of not finishing book,0
clairerichard all of em,0
duncn they won t,0
i m not happy i woke up at 0am this morning and didn t get to sleep again till am,0
coffee amp carrot cake slice mmm still lost for idea for art help,0
bipling are you coming to au or is cobi going to you jealous lol misser you,0
ugh in sound class now out of here at kill me won t get home until 0ish,0
want to use the directional dance pad pero di compatible sa tv yung game http plurk com p n0hyu,0
jason 00 hello im out of coffee this morning that s what i get for winding you up yesterday lol have a good day,0
want to play resident evil but school and work getting in the way,0
deepbluesealove im still here reading an article on a different site seems a little dull on twitter tonight with no music,0
exmi i hope he come back,0
the company i work for shuts down on thursday joblessville here i come,0
is trying to look to the big picture but boy it hard to some day,0
seriously i should not be this tired i need deep sleep not this pissy tossing and turning moan moan moan,0
flat out today didnt get everythin done amp endured massive headache fever and nausea still have to finish my essay amp work tomory all day,0
feeling ill again today,0
sinab i think we all do,0
i hate money,0
nick thompson nick i d love to blame my oven i may have to blame the fact that i d had a shed load of wine and wa watching top gear,0
jlsofficial a photoshoot eyy im sure you will all look hot come back to brighton say hellooo to the boy love you load xxxxxx,0
off to the dentist,0
aww man yet another party last night i miss new jersey so anyone up to anything today,0
meganxnightmare i think so too i always get it,0
my girl tjlefebvre is missing anyone seen her this evening,0
is not really feeling twitter at all,0
splont i have a meeting all morning today if that make you feel better though i finish tomorrow until next wed to make you hate me,0
in zombie mode today kid are ill and kept me up till 0am up for work at am,0
people who have had this and she say they have all been the same it s vicious,0
i m missin my baby really needed to talk to him today,0
school and errand without will and that s the sad part,0
i ve got such a lot at the moment doubt i m going to get chance to book time off with the family this easter hol s,0
i have to apply for international driver licence not for competition of course to go to nurburgring in may must take half day off,0
goulandris email provider,0
laurenbavin hey you didn t tell me you had one of those jealous,0
morning i m baggered been the gym then off to work later,0
princessshorty aww sorry to hear hope it get better listening to a podcast of the debate now you spoke brilliantly,0
davedynamix i m still sad over marley amp me also that damn clearance dog,0
ashleyemma lucky devil i m dreaming of a crispy bacon sandwich but no one a yet ha volunteered to go get one,0
think i saw some magic on sunday against salford i saw hull fc come out onto the pitch but after that they vanished,0
doing the usual with breakie in starbucks before heading out for the morning with camera but weather looking shite at this stage,0
george mackie i dont sell very often on ebay,0
tommcfly did you know that johnson baby use animal like cute bunny to test their product,0
can t sleep bc i drank a diet coke 9pm suck bc i have to wake up at 0am,0
one triop down one to go,0
damn i need to learn,0
darn it i woke up with a great idea for a lime article and i forgot what it wa,0
thinking the short and flip flop may have been a bad idea,0
mikebreed it all up to u mike i understand what you say but i think it u that need to change my opinion but yours is good too lol,0
i m waiting for a parcel and it s just not arriving argh hurry up hurry up,0
knot serious oh btw djrocko9 amp i tried to go to that cuban buffet i told u about so excited it s closed on monday sad story,0
gingha it is i have the doc so morning off and then into work freecycling what you getting,0
should have stayed at home,0
bit lonely on here don t seem to have many friend who actually use twitter oh well,0
artemisiii oh no is it the laundry powder maybe i m allergic to some and since jean are usually so fitted it make it worse,0
i need some inspiration before i hit the kitchen tonight,0
accidentally listened to the new sugababes album playing four girl aloud hit sequentially to purge the memory,0
going to walk my dog and shower before bed sad the yankee lost the first game monday too boooo,0
exmi hey doll sorry to hear bout ur doggie hope he come home soon would help u look if i weren t so far away,0
is upset that she couldn t find quot church of the flying spaghetti monster quot on twitter to follow,0
why won t anyone enjoy pretty film with me,0
feel like i am comming down with something let s hope it s just a cold,0
is not sleeping damnit t minus hour and counting until i have to get the kid up for school,0
rochellesheree i missed you is wednesday your day off or is that thursday,0
missed the train to york no wifi and blackberry battery is going to die soon not a good start to the day,0
theoryofmind woppygook omniaaaa i said no to the crackberrryyy time to depart with my flip phone,0
hermes packetdienst suck,0
had too much fun last night paying for it now going to go and fry an egg,0
no squirrel today they must be hiding,0
nmcgivney yeah ploughed around there last night but nothing happening,0
ali 0 omg did daughter not come home last night what a huge worry i would have been out of my mind poor you,0
just bought a car and my impending fatherhood is affecting my judgement out with plan of a 0ci and in with a rav,0
even after the aust gov roll out it bln 00mb b band we ll still be way behind most of the rest of the world b band speed,0
bnish dan and i grabbed yardhouse earlier why didn t you pirate it i wa so disappointed,0
in work early for team meeting but forgot my lunch,0
i m not worried about them cutting my hour down so i start at 0 00am every day except i may have to give up my morning starbucks,0
mrjoe sorry to hear about the bike,0
aliceverheij on m xp im afriad laptop is about yr old and think it just a bit messed up,0
well i wa going to rpm vespa need oil i ain t going anywhere,0
my fast remains un broken,0
it s been a year since mark speight died a year go so fast,0
this is exactly why a city burn worry me quot a city burn s third and most likely final outing quot from their new album review,0
i don t like this 9 malarky i should be out seeing my friend who i haven t seen in month stupid work,0
aw ball the new shirt i got at aerie today doesn t fit i wear a medium but they only had a small in the one,0
saulwilliams third budget of the yr in ireland today they want to tax text message pray for the poet,0
finished the second research paper of the week it s tuesday kind of kill me test friday,0
jpiasentin same but unfortunately i have to pack now,0
will probably be in scotland next week http plurk com p n0ivz,0
i m having a panic attack so i can t sleep distracting myself with tv and internet hope this go away soon,0
susanstn opps still unable to dm you at the moment maybe twitter bug after the maintenance,0
my project is going down the drain legal issue seem to have dealt a fatal blow,0
where s my heat and grazia subscription he s probably delivered them next door,0
is missing n ol frend amp is thinking bout her rite now,0
brahhh quit smoking cigs i dont want to look old plus i cant breath haha,0
omy jus woke up but wa wishing i woke up sumwer in ny lol,0
school suxxx wish i wa on tourny again,0
ainz dj mate what time you gettin there not gon na be able to hang around for the late bit but comin down to support you fo sho,0
mathie make for hard work for small business,0
well isn t that great now i m really sick all coughing and having a sore throat,0
got up at mistakenly it should ve been,0
got the brainbone daily question wrong http apps facebook com brainbone stats 9 ref tw,0
phillyd wishing you the best lt,0
rockchic i normally go with pumpkin patch but a bit skint at the minute,0
headtotail thank you i feel sad but hope we can give her a nice life til the end now,0
msjheart lol yeah i m good i just got ta unplug it and use the other one until i can hustle up 9 buck for a new one,0
cant sleep once again i need to cuddle,0
robertzalme yes i do too much theory getting in not much solution coming out,0
going to school in twenty minute i have a head ache t t i m not looking forward to meeting my angry teacher,0
it wayy to early to be awake zzz,0
attack of the hayfever noooo,0
need hug,0
neevd know of any more site to play game on i ll never get past the second footpath on frogger,0
playing killzone the demo,0
iloveac slut you never talk to me but yet you talk to rinn waa waaa waaaaaaaa lol i love you courtney,0
mrsfr yes unfortunately the date clashed with an important and long standing family party got to do it on my own,0
i am having my coffee i see frost on the car window i suspected there would be some this am i hope i am not so tired today,0
my comp is so screwed up,0
jessicafilan it is,0
charliecondou skinmusic more like,0
crazytwism i know they block orkut in dubai in oman they have orkut access but skype is banned ru from the gulf,0
hate the waiting game she hate uncertainty too,0
my throat hurt i think i have a cold,0
now i m kind of sad after all the bullshit i found out,0
ow i totally ate pavement this morn at stephen green luas stop so sore and there wa a freaking tv camera there of all the time to fall,0
jamming postponed again boohoohoozx damn you flu bug,0
my baby just went home,0
another morning at net tower still on deadline,0
wakey wakey i m bored my dog is annoying he weight 0 pound and doesn t want to come off of my knee,0
i miss family guyyy,0
tired and borrrrrred this vacation sooooooo hot,0
just sitting waiting,0
sitting at home watching jeremy kyle and bored,0
still in germany,0
stuck on my own at work super stressed i wish i wa somewhere else,0
kateblogs no it s because i m an author not a subscriber,0
why am i up so early i am bored and have had that trantula song stuck in my head for the past hour www stalkdaily com georg,0
feel like a cramp quite disconcerting,0
skynicmac shame,0
one of my site s pr dropped http plurk com p n0jlt,0
mcbesty monday is usually a working day,0
maxbarners i hope it all go well,0
is supposed to work for university but the construction sight close by make contant noise,0
crucifire damit that wa my idea for today s comic just wrote it down will give credit then,0
zen sushi for lunch today look like it s raining outside,0
ashley tisdale i love you but why did you dye your hair,0
didnt announce reading lineup,0
ronjeffries i d love to hire you again too it wa ton of fun last time i don t do the budget tho or the hiring,0
off to see my german girl for her last night in brisbane,0
micameli my friend wa supposed to be having one but it hasn t been arranged yet,0
lan at jetblackonyx s with miss mell wa a blasty blast now it s time for home,0
gnah inner tube exploded got ta get a taxi to work or be late,0
good morning i am going for a run this morning then it off to the dentist for some drilling,0
cubedweller gah not for me on freeview then still if they brought over the colbert report i d consider switching just to get that,0
i m in my clinic it booring http twitpic com y qq,0
only more day left in london where did the time go,0
jerrrm today can not meeting the whole day gilaaaa,0
hungry dreaming of yumyums,0
no gym yesteday they have a all new gym so i need a new induction good news is it s booked for wednesday woot,0
ughhhhh i so didn t see that coming on house ilu bb,0
gfalcone 0 nawww take me to london please cornwall s boring,0
my website is down,0
kingkiwi i want to be somewhere with no rain it not very nice here today,0
0 letter to be sent out better start writing now,0
llordllama oh no i had an obadiah too name that start with e are generally good,0
valdezign hmm this beta of nambu ha ping fm and friendfeed disabled boo,0
ohhh not very well and i ve lost my voice,0
arizonaaaa japannaly hhhahaha now you can t go thursday you bitch jk hahaha http tumblr com xej jtj9w,0
booo ee you suck why daniella don t bring sam back at all if it ha to be her not happy,0
fabianv what kind of doc and what are you using to write them we re always behind on our doc,0
wish she didn t have om homework to do right now,0
ok here s the deal i live in a small town i ve never seen anythin famous n anyway so i thought i might luck up on something,0
duskyazure least u got lie in i ve bn up way long mr woke up at am this morning amp dragd me out of slumberlnd the same time,0
i m trying to plan trip low budget though don t think it is working,0
ianhanlon me and scobz goal is to get a celeb to respond to one of our tweet before we go to sleep i may not get any sleep,0
nobody ever speaks to me now,0
waiting for tom to call,0
it s mum birthday im glad she like her pressies i m looking forward to party time later this week but sad im not going to cornwall,0
dajbelshaw sound like my every day except gym,0
my car arrived maybe i ll get it on thursday damn paperwork,0
someone ratsofatsorat left a few sip of mocha in the reusable coffee mug last week now it s chunky,0
omg whats with window vista today tried installing it on my window laptop and it died reinstall,0
i mean nobody go on this anymore x,0
dear twitter i have bug bite on my leg they r itchyyyy haha just got outta the shower uhh night,0
thomassonora i had the same problem poken error,0
tracitoguchi nah not really feeling it come back on,0
mushyv ahhhhh that hoff programme sounded class i fuckin missed it hope there s a repeat innit,0
confused what he should do with his life,0
grunt good luck with the big meeting i hope the rumour mill is wrong,0
j xx is the white guy manager there the one that shout when you walk in i wan na go back and feast,0
no missing again on thursday is the worst,0
hello world i dont like to do physic,0
going to the dentist again i mean tooth spa right valeriekhoo,0
my boyfriend mean the world to me but he just doesn t seem to see it muchless understand,0
natazzz hurt and sad,0
finished marking can t celebrate yet tho got to communicate mark amp feedback to all those online student rest of the night gone there,0
is still sick hate this,0
simon felice is no longer playing with the felice brother i m not sure how i feel about that,0
ear size 00 hurt watching chaos theory wonderful movie love it,0
going on holiday with my friend tomorrow exited but no twitter,0
look like the nobel peace prize is simply a popularity contest http tinyurl com cffz h,0
oww the poor darling body of missing tracy girl sandra cantu found inside suitcase www tinyurl com dfhvzg tracy,0
ugh why did my mum wake me up so early geesh i need sleep and princessnadys there is noth awww,0
but i have to work now so no time to play,0
haylieofficial every night,0
no post or even any email nobody love you when your down i d take a long walk but don t have energy to get out of chair,0
via chrismevans argh driving into london today made a wrong turn at king x stuck in an extra 0 minute of logjam traffic,0
mattg00d i dont like you not having internet you dont tweet a much,0
jodie lane jodie are you awake are you hungry do you need anything coz i m leaving coz you wont talk to me,0
llaacceeyy haha i m not a good cook at all it look pretty foul right now love having voguettes on twitter yay nice to meet you x,0
need to go to the dentist now what a perfect start for the holiday hm,0
ha no milk for a cup of tea,0
mother fucker changing the rota without telling me not cool off to work,0
why can i not add my boyfriend,0
arghhhhhh can t put a profile picture here so i m sorry guy s don t know what to do now,0
lolzitsmel paranormal wa pretty good tonight,0
glinner don t think that s the right username for mr brook,0
it a grey day in london come back sun all is forgiven,0
i hate window movie maker sony vega come back i cant download it anymore my brother banned me from downloading,0
i cant stop laughing this burger king commerical im so easily amused,0
davidkudrev it s just a pity that facebook chat ha exceeded even msn s amazingly level of unreliability,0
pity i ll have to remove it because it s irrelevant,0
hubby ha such a tight scedule for u during easter vaca that it stressing me out visit all over denmark in day,0
rickrodgers just kidding man rim doesn t even have a sync client for linux and the opensync package suck at least it can charge lolz,0
oh and my agent had me booked out the wrong day x 000000,0
going out with josh of course i broke up with will but wa it the right thing to do i feel so bad so confused,0
i wish my new glass weren t so expensive,0
yummy pizza for dinner top of mouth burnt now though,0
literally spitting blood,0
im just a little bit bored down here in warrnambool only so many animal docos you can handle,0
wordpress is being a bitch as bitch otherwise there d be a new silence remix up,0
casasteve vw forum are a nightmare for that enthusiast on forum always result in politics and bitching,0
is awake at a sensible time and is doing alot of coursework bohoo,0
schofe that sound like a great show shame i m at work,0
wyldceltic so i read i m glad you re doing better,0
emperoremil yup i m at work i m on midshift na e,0
burjz ugh i didn t mean to sign off and then when i got back you were gone,0
my baby s heading for perth,0
uh d why did the dentist hurt today holy crap i feel like my teeth are all about to fall out,0
nobody will let me make one giant cookie,0
going for a ride i hate my leg,0
feel sick and need foood i cant find my camera anywhere last night wa good lindsay s house is pretty ruined eek,0
omkar kurode you won coz i created quot avenue quot for you and yeah i made the mistake of choosing tango over zone,0
sometimes youtube ha no sound on ubuntu,0
can not find her phone,0
might have to go to hospital on my foot for an x ray have to wait for the doctor to call me back to confirm i hate hospital,0
ahh sorry ya ll for not being able to twitter from the show my phone so did not work in there at all but brit wa amazeing ahhh,0
i m so damn tired today actually i need to take a nap when i m at home but there s no time,0
just woke up tiresome time,0
heromancer come back to orlando again sooon i couldn t make it to the show sadly,0
wish restaurant city or pet society could be ported to the iphone itouch http plurk com p n0lb0,0
not twittering in the past day obviously 0am and taking a small break from ochem,0
omg this bed is making me sick i cant even sleep in it,0
on our way to the hospital please keep praying,0
just had a bowl of bran flake and is about to ave a shower and do revision,0
phillcoleman i had it a low a last night,0
sarahlsharp oops feel like i m breaking a few heart now,0
shystieuk wish me luck got ta go london ging great olmand street for a appointment really scared xxxx,0
dev dsp hrm your last two post make it sound like i m holding you back,0
etnobofin even google translator doe not get it,0
might have to go to hospital for my foot for an x ray have to wait for the doctor to call me back to confirm i hate hospital,0
thi m v c i u b i n,0
i know i shouldn t feel upset about losing a follower who wa probably a porn star or trying to sell me something and yet i do,0
argh firefox ha just removed a bookmark folder my sharepoint folder including all link within no idea why how,0
delustre i wan na watch dollhouse i haven t seen any eps yet i lt eliza dushku so much lol,0
kourtneykardash i need get my beach bod back,0
just saw dan off neighbour walking down chapel street random feeling like they are going to fire me at work any got a job going,0
jansmells maybe you should stop being so lazy,0
goosed sorry for procrastinating while you were gone,0
macbatchelor ah won t be at rehearsal tonight we are awaiting the imminent arrival,0
clairefallen nah everyone,0
snow in april this suck,0
colbsi flickr s not letting me view it say it s private,0
misswyn i bet you are i remember easter a a kid wa so excited you ll have a great day,0
xambix wow welcome home eh that s well shit especially just coming back off holiday some fucking people,0
blueeyedbomber excellent missed you saturday night,0
tiahn good coz you don t have to be there bad coz you don t get paid,0
it wa going to be sunny today right why do forecaster always put my hope up fb,0
ollien and carousella i can t i have another doctor appointment at 9 and another one at suck,0
still a bit sick but working on article today,0
last day in my nice little office dont wan na move,0
doesn t want to go college want to cuddle my babyyy,0
hmm shoulder is making some bad noise if i move my arm back and forth i know don t do it fear a return to physio may be required,0
happyahma welcome back sorry to hear about the ant,0
rhyswynne that s a pest grr to spam,0
odannygirl oh yes i have quot road rash quot all over my hip lovely ay i so rock,0
whyvee welcome home sound like a hell of a journey back,0
got an offer to go camping at fraser island for the weekend would jump on the offer without a nd thought but it s forecast to rain,0
latexfetish sadly that s not a feed for wordpress a feed usually would be bla com feed or bla com feed r but those two don t exist,0
kristenkreuk fiuhh nice to get info from you i m one of your fan from indonesia and still waiting for your movie in my country thanx,0
don t want to leave college,0
i cant give up smoking i tried but it s not easy,0
http twitpic com y z see where we ve been moved too dwsr,0
tayswift i wa up at am btw congrats on winning album of the year you deserve it i can t not shed a tear to white horse,0
hedgewytch oh that s horrible about innocent smoothy we love them but if they start putting rubbish in them,0
i can t sleep there s a fight outside how inconsiderate i wan na go sleep,0
is frightened co it spider time i hope the flat repels them a i unfortunately haven t got a man to save me,0
having casual unprotected tweet with twat i ll probably never see again my mom will be so dissapointed,0
going out sidee in dee cold,0
ha insomnia and a headache,0
virtuallin i actually really like taub for some reason i thought the bromance with kutner wa cute still kutner sigh,0
watched smallville x last nite http twurl nl iyar d ep could ve been so much more but yet again the decision made fail to impress,0
last time i watched this movie it had this huge epiphinal line that wa exactly what i needed now that i need it again i can t find it,0
jazred i told you if i caved i d end up abusing it much like i do facebook it s because i don t have any real friend,0
can not upload my pic,0
my personal web site wa hacked what should i do,0
when will i finally get over this cold,0
i really hope i suceed,0
bugger it all good today might have to error check thing then,0
currently wishing i could have more of the treacle sponge and custard that louise made me last night while watching order of the phoenix,0
report from italy 9 death missing 00 injured italy earthquake via rai http tinyurl com c mja,0
you know what suck finding out i have a burned out tail light when the store are closed plus they are not open before i work,0
g day at the evil highschool right now,0
rain ruined the malaysian gp not much fun neither any money from it,0
ajiee thnx ajeng i will have to skip that class im totally unprepared,0
on my way to chicago finally connecting through london now and will be home for measely day and then back out again,0
maxime darn can t open it on my work computer not supposed to have fun at work but thanks anyway,0
janelle i want a phone that i can fb m and twitter from,0
keongzai assign someone else to do it or eff it and do it yourself,0
off to the hospital soon kinda suck i m not allowed to eat anything x,0
doesn t like how much uk postal price have just gone up now cost 0p more to mail a black velvet to usa rotw amp 0p uk,0
day in york nice place photo coming soon feeling sick now though and i m back at work,0
davenavarro wa wondering where you d been you ve been so quiet these day miss the chatty dave,0
alystoe i hope you are okay,0
is at work thinking how much graveyard shift sux,0
last day of work before i go on holiday argh got fuck load to do,0
i snickered for like twenty minute thinking that wa the awesomest name ever,0
i don t know how to use this thing and my stupid picture won t upload,0
madre is grinding on me this is gon na be a long week,0
thomasgudgeon well yes shame that you can only get the plastic one for the first generation,0
i think my tweetdeck is failing me,0
it still hurt,0
mckayla jb hey lol btw u know how to upload a picture i tried but it never show xo,0
working at home,0
it s sooo super duper cold,0
misterskull awwwwww what a shame you re mile and mile away,0
just spent the last half hour making a playlist for tonight it s going to be a long night,0
nattnatt you doggie dazzler im trying to work a bit today if you want we coule pop ovr and say hi later,0
oh but damn fried screwing up me lunch,0
getting ready to leave cali i don quot t want to go home i wish i could just bring my kid here,0
ha a math examen at o clock,0
ryanseacrest tie bar i missed it on wednesday,0
nickdawson hope your knee feel better quickly though after having been on it all night,0
i am wondering why my lovely wife doesn t check or respond to my tweet,0
but of course the document with the important table in it isn t published on the internet,0
love is a joke with no punch line,0
jona thin sorry must of left a corel install cd somewhere in you room then,0
i went to get a coffee but the kid got to the milk before i did now i have a can of coke instead,0
yoghurt overload,0
orangeflowers me too it scary not the clutter but the unclean pain keep me awake lately but shld start subsiding in a wk or so,0
good morning world s we got snow again,0
throat killing me and missing gordon,0
fighting off the hungries,0
willie day can t sleep it and i have to be at work at 0 don t know what the problem is,0
artemisiii aw sorry to hear that i don t know what i d do without jean in winter,0
miss kabalin hate me,0
stuffy nose it preventing me from sleep any remedy,0
went to bed at pm and now wide awake at am i don t have to be to work until 0 this is going to be a long day,0
rustyrockets i tnk you need to make me smile today because you never ever write back to me but you do to everyoneee else x,0
itchy eye grass being cut oh oh,0
my damn filling just fell out half of my tooth is gone,0
daftasabat i needed a lie in lol i haven t slept for more than hour in a few day now it s killing me,0
just watched grey s anatomy i cried i will be writing now i miss meg,0
i hope not all is lost sigh,0
going to look for curtain,0
yesterday wa a bad day found bernie mac died last year where wa i,0
is she still up is she is then u shud be online dunno how to find out,0
outoutout dunno i ve emailed their website a amp r sent a tweet but no reply they ve probably got bored of fan remixers bugging them,0
wishing i could get some sleep but that probably isn t going to happen tonight,0
riry is being a pain and nomming on my hand should not have sprayed her with that cat nip mist a a joke now she is craaaazy,0
silverlines aaaah jadi tiba pingin butter sugar toast huhuu,0
thats messed up,0
jennnnie yes and the next project s wool is hiding from me it wa there on friday when i went to craig s place,0
why do those project report for school need so many word am 00 word short,0
inspiredwriting i love how i can could easily read and tweed while working with twitter com i m reloading all the time,0
teleken unfortunately i don t sorry hopefully you do find someone who can though,0
hang on doe anyone use fax machine any more,0
drjackdr oh did you see the disaster really an horrible situation,0
just put a bid in for signed panic at the disco poster unfortunatly the fall out boy one is already over my limit,0
antzpantz well i obviosuly missed evcery single one,0
jordynhill oh i cic so much meaning to that ring but i have a feeling i d lose it,0
lissie sorry just saw the post signed up even before i finished reading lol these guy are gold feel bad for those who paid 00,0
i just did the sweetest ol boy he wa and telling me about when he wa in the war,0
swellvintage a lot better today thanks unfortunately being sick did not mean loss of apetite for me x,0
sminchin 9 sorry to hear you re unwell it s the school holiday syndrome again,0
is waiting for the scrapper to come to pick up his old saab,0
everyone hate me so much,0
doe not know how he got home last night,0
hour laying down on a flattened bean bag ftl,0
and it wa a great song too,0
ooo dr who is on in hd ok ok i m officially a sad techy geek,0
valium i needz it,0
septmourningm texas is far from phx lol what part,0
luckyrivera and it wa a great song too,0
ouch my toenail aaaaaaaa,0
babysitting this morning stiil it s an excuse to watch the chute on cbbc,0
man did i had a wacky dream this early morning loggin here look like at is spamming me with update,0
i wa in such a good mood this morning now not so much anymore stupid work stupid cellphone provider,0
i still cant understand linked in what sthe point of it again just got bakc from shoot bloody exhausted i need a hug,0
forgot about shitty co op ugh,0
is looking for a dress for her friend but can t find it,0
enjoying lunch at the lake of constance uh that would be cool but impossible,0
i really want a new job not particually a better one just a new one,0
shaundiviney i want pizzaaaa,0
window mobile doesnt allow me to write the stack pointer,0
need to go and do some college work and then go to work having had no food,0
terrible toothache feeling very grumpy hotel to write about in my work queue,0
pypi fail installing markdown with pip and easy install downloads the python version,0
y isnt it a sunny a yesterday,0
deadline ahead,0
karinhoegh so true i love frienfeed but there are so many cool apps out there that delivers value and so little time,0
damn i m missing twitter have been very busy off late and have not got enuff time to be active on twitter missing all d action,0
why must we continue to say hurtful thing when can we be at peace that s all i ve ever wanted grr,0
savicevic aww i won t be that roommate next year,0
bye every one im going to stop being a tfan i cant do this any more im a fan only becouse i want to date taryll and he dosent want me,0
ianmack first season yes descended into creepy teen boy humour in season still lt mulder moody though,0
iphoneincanada no wait their 0 cheaper package ha 0 more voice minute it s cheaper and substantially better messsedd upppp,0
i suck at making jelly cakeeeee,0
swati swati omg i missed you soo much have you heard the new jls song ahaa youre probs all jetlagged right now,0
argh fantasy surfer carnage dane marlon amp nat c all out fantasysurfer,0
feel slightly ill guess i shouldnt have eaten mc d after all,0
awlred they dont exist however anodising service do exist so i could get it done,0
wishing she hadnt drunk so mush yestaday,0
i just got an amazing new pedal and i just blew both of my speaker,0
i wish i wa in sydney,0
craigelder proof reading defra greener living fund bid only a govt dept could have a grant application deadline this close to easter,0
hairpin ohh how i envy you natalieeee i need a new wardrobe and something to wear out the weekend after this,0
anothera,0
swati yeah i havnt got any crad unlimited to text call either suck will catch up with you today sometime xxxxx,0
is sad coz alison s leaving england to france tonight,0
need a mouse look like my lappy s touch pad is giving up na http plurk com p n0ni,0
what do u do when u find out that the person u supported and stood behind since day tell u that in the past they tried to blow u off,0
off out to doctor appointment,0
nasa lost raw footage from the apollo mission http www wired com wired archive 0 nasa html,0
winter is slowly creeping into cape town not looking forward to it,0
cheekybeer document management system always a good idea although rarely seems to happen in practice,0
i hate this time i am super bored but everyone is sleeping,0
about to ge ready for work a i have a 9 hour shift ahead of me x,0
greyhoundgal omg front page i d be so excited congratulation sorry about torres hurting his paw tho is that your dog,0
i m so tired for no reason other than going to bed late and sleeping in lately it make me angry,0
denpasar good luck look forward to the update run not an option in this wind seriously blowing a real gale,0
last day at lshs tomorrow,0
can t smell tyson any more,0
wish twitter had a translator twitter just hasn t caught on in the southern hemisphere yet they ll get there aventually i guess,0
christinastokes is sh working for you for me it say that the website is down,0
alone at the office,0
j xox ohh i hope so not stopin till i get a reply lol i wunder if marvs read all the v lyric haha i can imagine his nxt blog about it,0
kleinjinx it seems like my in law are coming over easter we will have to meet another time,0
my camera spoil,0
sooo not motivated to do work,0
it still wont let me log in i know my user s thier co anth sent me a friend request,0
is still waiting for a dispatch and just got up about an hour ago after sleeping hour guess i ll go back to bed,0
going to sleep have a busy day going to meeting and stuff miss my girl shes in switzerland,0
marthagonemad agreed i wish it could just be pure and easy fun,0
urgh my head hurt think i ve had about hour sleep but the cat wa miaowing no rest for the wicked,0
one hour late bad plumber,0
i really wish i wa 00 better so i could be 00 awesome at work,0
i better be allowed to go to sway sway baby concert or i ll seriously cry,0
silverlines tadi di pim udah sempet lirik mesra tapi baru abis makan definitely putting it in my agenda next time i go to pim,0
marley and me i am cry like a kid but a good movie have a good night people,0
i ve lost my favourite mac lipgloss i m so upset about it i never lose thing,0
pretty sure everything electrical in my house is slowly dying on me like i have enough money to replace all my stuff,0
bed is painfully tempting right now but if i take a nap i ll probably wake up at pm,0
is frustrated that rudd cant facilitate private enterprise investing in our broadband infrastructure instead he need to waste our money,0
mercygrl oh wow a little chubster you cant invite ppl to play uno on facebook at the moment,0
i want ffxii really bad i never got a chance to play it,0
in the garage getting an estimate for the wheel damage on my car from sunday s little mishap not looking good,0
bah hairline fracture in the impellor hub titsuptuesday,0
morning everyone bad dream woke me up,0
meatrack no more sneaky late arvo surf now man i feel the late arvo glass off is now a distant memory of summer,0
can t sleep i have to wake up in hour,0
samdj 0 unfortunately it didn t work but thanks for the advice i am bed ridden today,0
dear fbdimms please give me my gb of memory back i used to have running 90 full crippled pc,0
searching for a job in berlin in summer time don t speak german,0
piccy coming soon off to watch 90 0 god i wan na move to america soo baadd,0
oh no it s a harrod day now i really will be sick,0
tombot never mind it didn t work anyway,0
ha been sick and her back is veryyy bad watching american history x wan na watch american beauty though buy it meeee,0
entered a online poker tournement against 9 others finished th,0
isnt very happy with twitter at the moment wont let me upload my picture wishing dougie or tom would reply to me,0
trying to extend reading the watchman by not reading it at all i dont want it to end,0
lucygooesy haha nice barbie backgroud he still hasnt replied lol,0
well it sunny outside but im stuck indoors far far away from a window roll on dinner,0
rhinecruise09 you re absolutely right,0
back to bed for me,0
i have failed you martha,0
i don t want to be a grown up yet,0
a usual cooking what i hate,0
incredibly immensely indecisive,0
so my wish didn t come true go to hell carolina,0
yay am and not a bit tired,0
boagworld the profile picture make a happy return i think i need a new promo picture,0
fairy0 omg wtf sure he talk now i m at school i don t have a phone,0
moony 9 i ll miss him too bb the episode seemed unimportant after foreteen found kutner so i stopped watching,0
except for the fact jw stuff is out and it rock shame i m skint,0
taitaisanchez omg i know i am so sad,0
ternyata hanya gue yang make twitter,0
being in pain a i have done my back in,0
hippychick clarkes shoe don t fir her they don t go small enough for her foot we have to go to specialist shoe shop,0
off to work ahhhh such is life for the poor amp unknown wa thinking earlier how much loot that miley cyrus ha at age,0
sitting seb and waiting for hour bad customer service,0
finally wrapped my body ha literally broken down this evening in bed return of super fever,0
yuddylicious he hatez me,0
i really should be sleeping already but just can t seem to get to bed before the sun come up progress on sorting out life is slow hard,0
jjprojects maybe a broken mbp from ebay one with a broken screen or something good luck,0
no o gprs anyone else with issue,0
ryuoky no sun here and i wa hoping to sit out on the balcony,0
the maine please out me to sleep i have test in the morning,0
want to buy big bang theory on dvd byeeee x,0
fucking boredom make me wan na go have a smoke,0
kimberley lol awww i want a cuddle now you almost made my eye leak love you too lt,0
sleep for now then get up in hour then a very busy week aghhhhh,0
phil hellmuth so sad,0
my cousin can t stop playing frozen bubble twisted amp resco bubble bye bye n see you after a week or two,0
pure hurt my neck at the gym,0
work time,0
i m not ready for school yet,0
today s plan driving back to vienna spring cleaning in my flat,0
hippydi that s sad,0
suck when you know you haven t done anything wrong but it feel like you have,0
dian yach i would love to swim but don t know how,0
mmmm i want eatser show on the th not th this is bad for me maddie d,0
today i m really amazed scared by how many basic error i find on e commerce website wrong error message no loading icon etc,0
why won t twitter let me change my picture,0
zoeaimee i m trying to research some dude for my english assignment that is due tomorrow and my internet keep freezing and won t load,0
just got up pshhh going on the trampoline even though i am all sore,0
homework,0
pmarnandus re daily gossip well the twitter gossip are mostly from e online which i can not access,0
http twitpic com y bg this is ashley from kick s afternoon show he s not impressed with the twitter,0
islandiva i sent u a tweet yesterday but i don t know why it didn t work i guess you re sleeping right now i am working soon noon,0
english revision class,0
laptop died on me yesterday have to reinstall but it the perfect time to try out window beta,0
finalising annual report for 00 ugh,0
hr need to go by quick,0
shannanstedman haha i got to be up at and sit through a hr mass umm like ish is that alright is that too late,0
ha got to go into college today in the holiday,0
dg ball yeah if you get spraying i m going to have to pay you to spray my m at some point they dont to e m s in white in europe,0
nathnaelb i would love to be ill next week dude but no pay,0
vixen not so innocent after all,0
what happened to last night s twit they ve gone and run away,0
benjaminreid your internet still down o,0
think she is going to be at this traffic light all night haha,0
edict just been announced no social networking using the office system ok tweet this then evening chap,0
bored in tec,0
spitorswallow wish i could but the season don t change day of the year,0
heyxboxlive probably shouldn t mention any show with drew carey considering what he s done to major nelson,0
man im too fucked to be in work,0
still in the business plan meeting too many back to back presentation,0
sitting outside doctor s surgery so it s my turn now bah what a holiday,0
donniesbabe well it pishing here sun look like it want to break through hope it dows kid doing my head in,0
finally home sooo tired,0
omg breech again sob,0
whitout friend,0
is piss off leg foot in load of pain running from a old man who tryed too trash our tent o,0
not going swimming,0
jaska some thing they just never get old http tinyurl com holdisgiantcherry i miss maya,0
want to go shopping,0
making a short video window movie maker ha crashed for 0th time but my middle name is perseverence p should finish the video soon,0
dougiemcfly tommcfly good morning guy how are you all you know it s frustrating i never get a reply,0
jardinjaponais hug i hope your day get better cell phone provider are made of suck,0
rode river circuit asthma hit hard o too wet to mow amazed or amused that w pac cr limit raised celebrated with cole shop etc,0
s favourite youtube clip lightning mcqueen singing quot barbie girl quot ha been taken down,0
big blue wolf not yet no doubt i ll get a chance to until tonight work s mental thanks to bt cutting off 0 000 customer today,0
twitter wa down when i went to bed last night but now it back and so am i,0
try to use skimmer by fallon for the first time like the overwiev and style would be cool ig you could browse the photo,0
livinginfiction outdoors man can t get to the gym this week no time no time dinner soon babe early next week or brunch sunday,0
dramaa assignmenting is gay too sick but i have to do it,0
jetshun person who read my twitter can t catch up for another week can t talk about it here but yeah saaaaad,0
redtoffee strawberry is the absolute best angel delight eva i had chocolate once but it wa too sweet,0
marissamonotony why,0
re 0 congrats bella miss you,0
first cold night of the year,0
my friend coco chris had a party this weekend and it seemed to have been awesome fail i wasnae there,0
hasnt done any work oh well,0
my msn hate my gut i wanted to go out tonight,0
my dog passed away in the night full on gutted,0
mum just called now my sister is in hospital,0
still at work,0
still stuck with the microsoft specialist won t this day ever end,0
off to bed damn end of daylight saving mean my son will be awake at 0am,0
a day of nothing bliss miss my boy tho,0
tonight s episode of house incredibly sad and it ha nothing to do with meatloaf s usual bad acting,0
why is it so hot today,0
playing pkr online poker and ha a headache,0
is pissed off running from that old man who tried too trash our tent ha left me with the battle womb,0
elanorelle niceee we ran out of filter coffee art work not good forgot my bread to make toast bad start to the day,0
alessandrod dude hope you guy are alright except the home car,0
what a lousy day buh,0
rakeman it wa in the 0 f just last week,0
just violated the tuner rule dont buy non performance part sorry ima buy the air filter next time,0
robabanks i can t sleep either,0
i have the flu,0
theonewithkatie please i need someone to go to it with me,0
chrisdjmoyles didnt get ticket live in mk gutted xx,0
deemaah but i offered to clean twice,0
pinkiecharm sorry you musta got a bit sick of my dance tweet sorry to have you unfollow me,0
can t get past in flight control http twitpic com y f,0
morning good mood bad pain lovely day for staying in bed again,0
is a twitter loner,0
i can t breatheee i hate being sick,0
it is snowing in tennessee too,0
dreadkey i m k o d battered and bruised my arm the tambourine self conflicted pain,0
i have to wake up in hour laameeee,0
my interwebs is so fraked up that i can google map something on my iphone bar gprs no g faster than my 0mbps cable connection,0
isn t feeling well still don t get why people say they re pregnancy is the most beautifull time of they re life,0
sam piroton hope so i don t have an iphone lauraoliver,0
what is this i feel hotter i m sicker than ever,0
xguccishoesx seems tony is away in sheffield,0
moony 9 huggggs i m glad you re here to help me through this he wa my favourite character the white house suck for stealing him,0
tomorrow is another day damn tomorrow is already today,0
watching realkidpoker daniel negreanu lose 0 000 in four hour real time via twitter he s losing it,0
anticipating a slow empty boring summer,0
is off to italy today no more starcraft for a couple of week though,0
awake why can t i sleep got to work am hour,0
karen 0 more shopping sound like a terrible plan hope you are not dragging your brother with you this time p,0
dannymcfly haha tell me about it i dont get it either x,0
jaredleto i can t sleep i need to work on my speech about huka and youth i hope i get the 0 full mark,0
janinesd no i m poor i am not an rn yet so i still have mobi lol,0
my search deck on tweetdeck are not working since yesterday anyone else have this problem,0
smashleypants awwwww virtual flower chocolate hug and kiss lt,0
im awake people got nothing to do today probably watch tv and get rid of all my program on sky planner the joy not,0
out of stock on xbox 0 limied edition red elite at the moment i must have one http twitpic com y g0,0
morning all gave the cat his tablet this morning what a mission that is he know what we re up to now and prepares for battle,0
nicholasbraun aww no fair you didn t check the pic i sent you,0
heidimontag we don t get to see season of hill till may,0
driving to my parent and chilling with them well the sun is shining but i don t feel so well today,0
davidt 00 virgin again today i m afraid a i m pushed for time having said that i wa delayed 0 min at brum,0
ha the biggest headache but a second job woo,0
can t wait for bring me the horizonnn too bad curtis ward is not in the band anymore,0
no that s not him in the picture i don t have any pic yet,0
working rite now but have a massive headache building and feeling very sick,0
darkened jade yep work started badly and ha gone rapidly downhill story of my life to be honest,0
have to work on homework tmrw,0
moony 9 lol ugh that s so ominous i hope i don t have to cry over idol this week too fox hate me,0
mistystilletto if it had happened to anyone else i would have peed myself laughing i scraped my leg,0
reldred yes babypunch is totally addictive,0
i m yet thinking of earthquake in abruzzo italy,0
think i need to start buying and using wrinkle cream,0
oh man i can t find a tenori on anywhere what am i going to do,0
it really annoys me when i m on msn on my 0 late at night watching a dvd and i fall asleep inadvertently damn it lukey,0
finally home now so hungry and now one is home,0
suppose i should start revision and stop putting this morning session off tweet soon,0
britneyspears just read up about the film look good although we over here are gon na have to wait for it to come out,0
getsmart u watching loser i wan na cry for sean,0
want someone to come back,0
wishing i hadnt skipped breakfast this morning hungry,0
jamsandwich i wa sniffling for the first time this year at am today crappy isn t it,0
jsparsons i am starting my prep for the pmp exam tomorrow can relate the feeling,0
izzy artest miss you too it s been too long come back,0
wa going to make a site update twitter account but nahh it won t work,0
gaaa i want some peace and quiet hard to find wen living with people living in a small bedroom unit,0
am gutted checked weather report for the wrong day no fishing for me today,0
cadelofficial http twitpic com ved i love mountain but i live in belgium,0
look like baby is going to be born in pi,0
might go hiking in the big thicket in a couple week what monster are supposed to be in this area chupacabra i hope not,0
why are there kid show on pb right now it supposed to be nature,0
i suck at french,0
cynnergies yep i also seem to get a real slowdown most evening after around pm gmt,0
all work and no play doe not a happy linda make can t wait for the holiday,0
hate his pill oh god why do they have to taste so fuckin horrible 0 liter of coke to flush them down isnt even enough,0
rainarcher can only fit people max and it full otherwise you know it would be yours sowwi,0
masterballerina haha but then u d have go to cambeltown omg i can t even draw well in inkart,0
i always get insomnia at the most inopportune time,0
you ve all failed me,0
i can t enjoy the weather,0
i am officially alone on my twitter,0
ive been awake for so long it feel about pm meh,0
stevenghysel that seems to be a problem with twitter s timestamps not much we can do about it,0
well this day i would like to go out in the sun instead of sitting here looking at excel,0
when i get mine i m going to do a tour of copenhagen with it hmmph i can t top that must get thinking http tinyurl com c trgj,0
just finished watching the new hero episode god i can t wait for next week episode hero ftw,0
work is dragging pretty tired only got about and a half hour sleep,0
urg cold suck,0
fta anyone heard about this wondering if anyone is carrying voom anymore or are they pretty much dead http tinyurl com ca z j,0
is happy because i annihilated a baby huntsman in my kitchen with the cooking pan however this mean a mama one may be in hiding fuck,0
about to go looking for shoe for my brother looking forward to torquay in april not a sunny a yesterday here,0
just woke up late again i wa supposed to wake up at am cause there are lot of thing to do late homework mostly,0
is boarding ek a usual no upgrade from ek colombo,0
missed some good oppertunities,0
moony 9 it must be because i slash their character sighhh gon na go sleep and dream happy thing about kutner,0
baby a bit sick poor honey having a relaxing day otherwise in israel enjoying all the fam,0
best birthday ever untill the house sold,0
nothing worse than planning on going to the mall with no money damn unheavens dunk,0
doe not want co worker s various lurgies,0
jambothejourno i am indeed the one with my rlc interview in good stuff thought i d finally found something no one else had,0
linkedin is being really mongy for me tonight in fact it ha just sat spinning doing nothing a few time recently,0
working too need a break too,0
what a mistake buying that dress i dont even want to go to grad anymore,0
is back in byron bay cafe fresh missing all my melbourne friend,0
muzzzza ur a bad a kateedwards,0
tombot oh dear that mean i won t be driven away to do something more productive,0
bugger the spray paint just showed up i spose that mean no riding and doing work for me now sad day,0
got up an hou ago now lerning again really boring stuff,0
leepeesa story of my life stop looking and icaisfrank come again what is this i read about a vet visit memory photo may help,0
lwmedium it is apparently the chinese government put pressure on the sa one not to let him in whole peace conference wa canceled,0
nothin like throwin up on your customer front door,0
j xox laterr hunn arghh hope i dont miss any tweet lol gunna be at my nan later nooo byeeee x x x,0
xissyx we can t go to robina all the shop will be closed because it good friday,0
acummings i ve got return ticket booked for this weekend if the exchange rate wasn t so bad i d go but don t mind missing it really,0
laying in bed and contemplating the meaning of life with a half empty glass that is leaking on the bottom,0
something s wrong i keep getting some error graphic instead of the music player when i go to a musician s myspace page now,0
not good munchkinster is not feeling well,0
carobode i m starting to have an headache too am school amp i m so sleepy got work do this am,0
holmpat morning pat another one in sunny spain except it not sunny here today cloudy and raining,0
the mighty tap are doing a one date world tour but i will have a newborn http news bbc co uk hi entertainment 9 stm,0
ahhh my webcam is messed up and won t turn on,0
fragilemuse the book is awesome there are some other great work in there too couldn t afford to buy it today tho,0
andrewwright yeah that s what i wa thinking would love to get your feedback on my creative will dm you when dentist ha finished,0
big capacious wooden kitchen island 0x 0 metric thought i wa buying it but we re not photo amp c on request if you re interested,0
i just grew another chin,0
i m in a confused state whether to implement a tab interface in the application currently i m working in,0
my sister s kitty eva had three baby kitten yesterday but something is wrong with her and need to go to the vet,0
captainjohnhart most people don t realise how much they d miss it if they couldn t do it any more,0
germ damn it it s so true i need help,0
need a ride to work im not liking the pospect of the bus,0
drinking milk being on youtube lonely emiliiee,0
fadyanwar it sad cause that wa the last gsm company owned by egyptian also orascom wa inforced to sell it share to fc,0
read a word he didn t know and felt his brain preparing to go for the way controller before remembering that real book don t have them,0
it bad that we cant buy it here,0
these day i don t feel like twittering don t know why,0
man i want some nike air yeezy s but a i don t live in state have no chance in hell ahh well spend the 00 on pair of sb s instead,0
frankfurt three time but i dont understand it,0
three day since my last tweet and no concern i could have been dead peep the reality is i forgot my password,0
cocoy a person who s genuinely interested in english filipino programming and teaching should make that paper oh wait that s me,0
jonpaulkaiser i m probably worse than you lol so sorry these photo are seriously long overdue last time i buy a sony cam rubbish,0
deemaah but i thought i did not my fault that you dont pay attention to my genitals,0
overheardatmoo wish i could have participated this time,0
oh i received an answer for a ticket that is month old this is really really fast cob ticket,0
i just found out i wa unsuccessful in applying for the hampshire probation job fb,0
claire s will you be videoing or streaming or podcasting tweeting or anything else can t make it unfortunately,0
ha got work again today,0
ollyog well not far from the station by the look of it just head there i m actually jealous would love to be in belgium right now,0
insomnia kickin in i hate this,0
laura no im not we are gunna go this hols though i really want to see him,0
dropped one of the earbuds of my sennheiser in my tea i really hope it gon na work again,0
ugh coffee please being at work at is not good for my brain it is now officialy melting,0
ambermatson it s terrible isn t it don t expect many earthquake in euruope certainly not bad one,0
binncheol you should listen to some music by this dude called andy hull and afew other bloke i even hear they re playing ldn tomorrow,0
no snoo snoo for you,0
the computer might be operational but there still isn t much to do,0
i think the wifi on my iphone is broken it will quot connect quot but when i actually have to use it that s another story,0
lejeff oh pant i m hanging out with the old folk back in england defo b up when i get back tho,0
watching death race found out sandra cantu is dead,0
pizza night and i feel too sick,0
is playing basketball today lol i wan na go to the pub,0
frumiousme t wa the antibiotic for root canal will take polaramine tonight for hive other symptom have gone now thank goodness,0
is not impressed with the rain i wanted to go market shopping bleh,0
choadmalma i wish i could link thing a good a you,0
yep it s been week a lady at our church is watching her,0
darraghdoyle ah pox say it isn t so,0
it s raining outside look like snow but it s raining,0
mousenator cry,0
andy cyrus im still awake too lol cant sleep glad your up tho,0
kellymreynolds yep it s been week a lady at our church is watching her,0
jasonvonberg i ve advertised on our blog through career site and used agency not sure how else i can go about it,0
iamnipper last week they ve got the bike minus a saddle,0
justagirl 9 that s great about your license wish you d got the rest of it back,0
pissed coz a friend is to busy to see me day,0
coffee is turning into starbucks feral child wise,0
achmadsirman yeah i am infact the spray paint is for the mutt i got real delayed with some problem so not finished either yet,0
at my mama ji s place everybody keep giving me new option to study or work now i get more confused with each passing day,0
axon those got cancelled now everybody else is rattling my brain amp makin me cuss something terrible,0
tiredd nothing to do today,0
gvenk thanks alexandernl sorry,0
mew today is a prescribed opiate day me think grr,0
ladybug damn i missed out why didn t you invite me,0
rellyab will likely be unable to attend cry all the way home,0
spanx except i missed last week s lee and now it s gone from iplayer,0
jamrock where did top cat go,0
ha got a cold coming how shite,0
kev nz lol better let aboy0 know if he s doing the deploy before his 9 0 bedtime hope you are feeling better being sick sux,0
not able to sleep,0
that wa it folk spring s gone and winter is back it s snowing outside,0
pissed coz a friend is too busy to see me day,0
bradqb i know the feeling man just lay low for a while some people are just like that,0
weather cloudy again everyday same time rainy,0
is revising,0
catvix i am news to me and sorry to hear about the job,0
red jaguar blue barracuda green monkey orange iguana purple parrot and silver snake remember legend of the hiddent temple,0
hairpin haha well what make you think you don t use big word too sadistic p what did i say any way and no i don t sorry babe,0
frumph i d hug you too poor frumph,0
andre riue on neighbour what ha the world come to internet down lol,0
look like rain today bet it bucket down a soon a i step outside front door always the way downhill all the way from today,0
renee okie dokie do you wan na ask ash and tegan and yasmin i asked nicole but she said she cant,0
coughing up a lung again i ve had this on and off since xmas,0
ive got a poorly tongue after i burnt it on my chilli last night had a lovely day yday to thanks guy,0
im up guy lloll,0
odo snape maven owwie the dictation software won t pick up whispering eh i know meleney ha it but dunno how good sound pickup is,0
lauraechilds fine i wont make it up to you check your dm,0
quite sick going to doctor now,0
bad day,0
taking the rent to the airport not excited about being up this early have to go to work at,0
just poked herself in the eye the mascara but i love mascara it a god sent,0
michatagana shame what s wrong,0
i ve just got my streetcar essay back from jerry and it still no good ah man this is gon na be a bad day,0
tonight episode of house wa sad i can t believe he left the show i can t stay awake anymore i m mad tired had a long day sleep time,0
it s and i ve been sitting around barely watching i m not there i really wanted to see that movie but i keep getting distracted,0
last day at home today catching the train at 0am tomorrow ha been a nice break but now i need some breakfast a shower and a shave,0
ha a poorly cat at home i want to be their to hold her fur back and pas her tissue,0
chester see yes i often take the risk of running down the dlr step but today i just missed that last step and twisted my ankle,0
why doe it take so long to go through one lecture which only took min to give and it s sunny outside someone is mocking me,0
another assignment to be done an dinner with dad tomoz,0
jenmcj will check it out just want a couple to read while away new one at liquid silver just some good read read some rubbish lately,0
working but looking ward thailand and this week bank holiday weekend,0
ewww cooky and cola dont mix well together my tummy hurt now,0
childrensjewell so damn annoying when that happens isn t it hope she doesn t copy your work,0
eminem we made you is gawbage rosci imma cop asher roth s album instead fuck em on his quot as like that quot flow,0
beeen awake for awile sick,0
mokshjuneja yesh it s a bank holiday but everyone else is working train traffic everything screwed a usual,0
bleh i strongly dislike working at am everyday,0
headache still a little sleepy i miss ma babyy soo damn much right noww wakee upp,0
flight of the conchords album ha vanished from spotify what give spotify com,0
leahearnshaw awww i m sorry,0
spring is finally here cherry blossom galore such a shame they are so temporary,0
head got bashed by a door today,0
milkymoomoo yuk end of year account i need to make a start of mine too,0
this is amazing but i can only get word per minute http play typeracer com,0
flowersophy i slept so much when i wa a little girl i just started to not sleep a well when i turned 0,0
why do friend feast while you are on fast,0
bored of sims for today still thinking of a name for me and luke youtube account to post our awesome new vid on idea people,0
i want to be trendy,0
tierd whats pt swagger mean i love the sound of it,0
feel like i have neglected twilight im sorry lol,0
katestar oh yes extremely fun when whoever you talk to actually doesn t want to talk to you i m so lonely,0
added the dns system compatibility is okay and am looking forward to the possibility now open but i need to rework the intro sequence,0
no cold water tap in our bathroom i miss my cold water,0
another shoe throwing incident journalist jarnail singh threw a shoe at home minister chidambaram bt missed target,0
broke my tooth yesterday it feel like it s spilt in half,0
wonginator i wish i wa on spring break,0
theresaxo i still can t believe you have to move i will be over after work to help paint aww rip your walllllll,0
justanotherjerk i wan na c quot no doubt quot soooo bad,0
aw snapcase arent getting back together i must have dreamt it,0
jonathanrknight you sure did do some tweet and i missed them glad to see you re enjoying urself always nice to hear from you x,0
wishing we had fast internet now not in year http bit ly i oi,0
getting ready for work 0,0
stooopppiddd abbey national i need to get dosh out and it blooming shut,0
imagethief i know where you found that but your url is so much tinier than mine,0
finding it incredibly unfair that mom got more tan than i even though i spent more time in the sun miss him like crazy,0
dr black yes i wa invited but will be in san francisco very sorry to miss it,0
my dota ladder stats on garena don t seem to have been updated,0
leanne is angry at me,0
michatagana ahh i m sorry there s a nasty virus going around apparently shame atagana,0
amber i don t know how often you check this but i really miss you right now like really really so friggen much i want a hug lt beth gt,0
ate too many oreo yesterday feel very sick today,0
mauricedb i tried the sitecom one to but felt to toy like,0
i will never like getting up at am dumb work schedule,0
need cuddling now,0
http tr im imov i b c h i tho i th l gi t cu c i r i m nh v n c n nh c i nh t p th b t c a b c ch tr i,0
awww my whitestrips are not staying on,0
soluna is slower than accord,0
contendo shit that s horrible poor kid,0
btw eventbox is available for free on macheist for every visitor unfortunately i switched to tweetdeck http macheist com,0
my back is in bit,0
hmm so the sun shining brightly thru my curtain lit up my room n woke me up cnt sleep nw 0 is way too early to wake up,0
hate math tuition on a holiday wanted to sync my i pod with the latest track nd podcasts will have to wait until im bck fb,0
v a b d y kh i gi ng m t qu,0
garcevisage aww did your mic work at all,0
gemmaface awww gemma i hope you re not,0
where s my search bar how come aoife got one and i didn t twitter must like her better than me,0
suilin nobuuuuuuu you evil evil girl,0
i wish i were playing reindeer game up at fowler,0
trying to write an essay in english painful,0
missymoouk oh no i know i haven t cried that much since wham split up,0
mommy is school closed today,0
westendactress nooo u shudent have deleted it x,0
kaitlinmonroe aw that sound so fun i m so bummed that i missed it did you get to meet anyone,0
trying to check my phone bill online seems like it doesn t like me though,0
manu ginobili is out for the rest of the season and the playoff,0
yeh totally dig firebug but enuff is enuff gon na start using safari charles ditch ff and see how debugging go too many ff crash,0
sad movie make me think of thing that i don t really wan na think about,0
i wish there wa something for dinner,0
im up i slept an hour last night death,0
off to pick up the dog doctor s note and back to work,0
just been given ma marching order got ta go do some work yay,0
moving moving moving keep those box moving rawhide think i ve gone delirious from moving,0
why is change by pac not on itunes boo,0
ugh stupid bug in spamassassin rule qa backend discovered it s going to take some fixing at some point adding to the todo list,0
babyvtec yeah hw,0
handyman just cancelled on me,0
hi twiitters i ammm sooooo tired right nowwww falling asleep on msn i am thinking a le lazy day today p xx,0
fed up of being ill,0
wow everyone ha abandoned twitter,0
just been given ma marching order got ta go do some work yay,0
andrerib oh today it is not possible for me family matter but i will try to attend next,0
gd mornin world i hav a cold my throat is burnin,0
morning people away to get some breakfast and then sort myself out and then must start on hwm no lazing about today xx,0
guess i should go to bed have to be up in hour haven t been able to sleep lately too stressed about website not being done yet,0
aventure that s window for you i get to deal with about 0 window server and 0 window machine misbehaving every day shoot me,0
babyvtec geez it s so late for you good luck at work tomorrow i am soooo knackered too love you,0
just been given ma marching order got ta go do some work yay,0
danaeatsyou hahaha im sorry i didnt mean to and you re supposed to film the day of silly thats cheating doing it the day before,0
donniewahlberg wise word but life sometimes doesn t work out a you plan life ha a habit of kicking you when you re down,0
gosh it is raining in summer cause of the global warming,0
pigman i love the cooler trenchcoat weather but dnw the darker evening a it s scary to run at night,0
i close my eye nd i see your face whens it gon na stop sigh time,0
i have packed off hubby to bristol missing him already,0
doing homework,0
hopeok but i will be soon dy,0
rustyrockets i ll give you a fiver towards the fine not much but im skint from paying for al darling eyebrow waxing,0
hmm a request for me to feature an app on my site from a quot merketing specialist quot sic addressed to quot dear editor quot oh dear,0
nishitd no i missed everything onwards stupid work getting in the way of tennis,0
thought this being a day week would make tuesday more bearable i wa wrong,0
i m more tired than a very tired thing today,0
mark mulligan exactly that wa the core of my concept for virgin just a shame the money ran out before we could realise it,0
jonathanchong i could do with a long week,0
ambermatson yes seems to have been much worse than normal over past few month,0
just found the most gorgeous pair of vintage dior sunglass they are though,0
i am a work martyr give me chocolate coffee and sympathy and now my cat s decided she s dying,0
nothing much not well in bed all day,0
looking at the rain fall in rotterdam,0
eoghanquigg wish i could but i m no where near belfast love the new song btw,0
fever ha started anyone have any miracle cure for a cold,0
i have just really really splattered the bowl,0
why do most video i play skip and jump,0
is hungover and just want to stay in bed all day,0
i just set up a twitter profile for one of my colleague and noticed he s got a much more swish sidebar how do i get that,0
had a great st birthday but is sick a with the flu,0
fromthestars i wan na go to an amusement park ek is getting tired,0
just had myself a driving lesson went pretty well need to stop crossing my hand over on the wheel apparently though bad time,0
found a nice lake side park with a small beach but no grill oh well i ll have to keep looking another time,0
billbeckett did you know tai mean shit in indonesian,0
is dreading tomorrow i hate hospital especially when it s your baby that is the patient,0
not feeling so hot,0
jedi yup the whole game wa amazing technically it looked great gutted i sold the game and my original xbox now actually,0
is not looking forward to working today,0
blooming great change of weather now i have a cold just my luck don t seem to be having much luck lately life suck at the mo,0
playandstay well i ve actually only been to thorpe park so i m sooo looking forward to alton tower,0
want to go out badly,0
this is way to early to go to work,0
bradiewebbstack sway sway tour in julyyyyy exitedd muchh follow me pleaseeee i need more followers,0
living on neurofen for another day please go away headache,0
is gon na start revising for exam in may,0
ladyerlynne awwww you could always post in the transfig classroom with sharmila,0
i have to go to the library and get some book on the bloody wa i really can t be bothered with these a level anymore,0
nothinn nothing on tv maybe they ve run out of program,0
retracelady djslump morning oh no more of them terremoto earthquake italy,0
is seriously wondering what the australian public were thinking by kicking my baby kat off of sytycd i miss her already,0
so today is apparently cuddle up day and i have no one to cuddle up with,0
erickaaa im at workkkk im freezing too i need a mass hug from you can i call u night babe xxx,0
winetweat sorry but follow u we re going to publish picture and video and sometimes also in english,0
quinparker i find that in this age of internettery this is how you perfectly express sorrow and empathy for another s pain,0
argh finally figured out whats killing inquizitor game on jailbroken device about 0 star review too late though fix on the way,0
considering new business name which mean new logo and website finding it very difficult to pick a name though been week fail,0
office time,0
beatccr i can t wait to read that one still waiting on my copy,0
having lunch on my desk while i work,0
want an iphone,0
it april stop snowing,0
trying to find the motivation to write some essay and finding it sad that my life revolves around essay writing,0
i heard he stopped singing it s a shame http blip fm xath,0
theletterj couldn t agree more people keep stealing my elastic band ball,0
stuck inside poorly little people,0
mizfitonline is ur host down i m getting nothin,0
lyn thanks hun didnt even no he wa going to be on pitty we couldnt see him sing,0
myrtti ouch,0
i m all snuffly and then hot and cold tired and bunged up woe is me,0
just a head up site s being wonky so will like probably post late today flippin technical issue,0
skinnylatte it a great article but quite sad we are the saddest pinnacle of evolution,0
goodbye jive test server so very sorry to have to shut you down,0
i m up amy s coming around today so i have to clean my room,0
finishing the tax return instead of making some track or enjoying the sun,0
be offline,0
hoping my new kitten is well a she isn t eating or drinking hopefully just stress of a new place,0
danielhcwong taylor ce gt amp amp sweet mother of amp amp amp my livie is only 900,0
elltotheice poor kid damn all those people who want to cut there grass ahaha day lt,0
i m wish i wouldn t have drank coffee all day long need sleep must sleep can t sleep,0
is feeling even worse cold cough sore throat the work,0
finally have the vintage logo of greatness over here now kinda tough to do right now w o a home computer oh well someday,0
is feeling weird today happy and sad at the same time and missing my people from italy ilyyy lt,0
argh there go my plan for friday,0
heidimontag i dont know im in the uk so isn t out here yet so jealous,0
got formal invitation what am i gon na do about my date i should ve said to put quot nick amp guest quot,0
ande now i m not sure i want to associate with such a violet product may have a re think about my screen name,0
markhardy 9 it is but i m still waiting for my ride itm,0
wish the sun would shine more i have a cute yellow dress to wear come on sun come out and play stupid england,0
well my foot odor problem is def back hmph,0
the drawback to this is that every picture i take with my phone is broadcast and is sent with the file name a text automationatacost,0
petemc they re horrible they re out to get me,0
dontcha just love microsoft corrupted open xml document,0
i have fucking shin splint im in pain drug please i never realised they could be so painful,0
taratomes i applied to go on that but my dad wouldn t drive me to manchester for the audition,0
i have no idea how to use twitter no one want to follow me cause i m a bland person,0
helenthornber i dunno but i used to get fruitsalads and blackjack from the post office we never got applejack tho,0
my best friend amy is coming round today to i ve got to clean the house and i ve got to find my amp cable,0
where is my phone amp good food aaaaaaaaah,0
the muppet whatnot workshop site is temporarily down apparently totally sold out quot working hard to get it back asap quot hurry up y all,0
ednaiscool is up again yay but all my video are gone,0
james yeah gah poor illazilla and shame about the mutt but best of luck this time around,0
ib nji yeh i know but it wasnt on the showbags list in the paper the other day i heard that they are broadcasting from the show on thurs,0
alexfoster re cat prob have amazing effect on vet bill too watch for change in character of remaining cat pus,0
need uuuuuuuuuuuuuu http plurk com p n0vpg,0
sonnyjoeflangan goddammit i missed it what song xx,0
catq wa so thinking of you family and friend glad you re okay but it s a black day for italy with all those people killed,0
just had a great time that is if i forget about the fight on the way back,0
horrible weather,0
davidblue someone spoiled it for me last week,0
nicsknots what up,0
cant eat drink or breath thanks to the bad throat infection,0
cant eat drink or breath properly thanks to the bad throat infection,0
shattered,0
s nanna just passed away,0
having delay to 00,0
uni suck have to leave home at 00 to attend a lecture at 0 to 0 amp roadworks everywhere mt installing fibre cable,0
started his week training it s going tobbr tough with so many birthday currently at work http twitpic com y k,0
it s so upsetting ami s in agony and the vet can t see her until pm my poor little thing,0
matthewknight i don t know i can ping the site but it won t load at all for me i m trying to contact dreamhost,0
no body ever reply to me,0
edbehrens thanks for all the good luck ala i wasn t good enough don t really want to explain but thanks for everything i lt you all,0
can not stop coughing so much for sleeeping,0
wet hair in my eye,0
kevatkinson my bro and si but very young mum working today so thought i would help out i don t have any sun,0
having a coffee and going through my twitter facebook and other social network it seems to become a full time job to keep up,0
get to speak to my boyfriend til about so happy but then cant speak to him til may that may hurt a little,0
princessbuddha im having the same problem i never drive anymore,0
still up sad i lost follower,0
a sad day i morn for my awesome car http twitpic com y e,0
ok i think i m finally done with work for the yester day now for a beer and some tv before hitting the sack back at it around 9am,0
working my life away,0
examz coming really feeling helplessssss,0
creepy outdoor on the speedway alli is now in portugal seems not so good losing weight not healthy,0
francesdath not bad transitioning being visited by many globe wandering gypsy queer at the moment but you are missing,0
loaded with the cold great fun,0
up early my stomache is acting funny,0
ha a headache it wont go away and i dont want to od on panadol lol seriously though it hurt,0
http twitter com freddybust status thats right,0
maybe that wa unclear i m planning to post on my own website later than usual today due to technical issue,0
doe anyone else miss chatting in chat room i do but can t find one i feel comfortable in suggestion please,0
vah the dreaded lurgy strike i m in dire need of tea chloroformed or otherwise ala i m off to asda for pizza no time for tea,0
the leeds festival twitter man ha lied there is no update,0
going going aaand gone poor moosie fell asleep in class http twitpic com y y,0
is really fed up,0
swapping song through email with carrie damn the tasman damn it to hell i wan na jam,0
damn it i still can t find a decent sized photo,0
anjeebaby i m fine if thing are busy just get hard at quieter time,0
essay finished 0 word very pleased with self but dreading the return to project work,0
violetscruk yeah off aberdeen on the miller platform the one the chopper left before it went down thew other day,0
immm sooooo lowwww,0
i still feel toss though i wa better yesterday but actually realised im not when i woke up at am feeling sick,0
still have a lot of work to catch up on,0
missed the gig,0
khb count low today despite the changing weather,0
dale wood i love uni coffee bet you won t get this one ilpc oh p uni tomorrow pick u up at p 000 word assignment arg,0
now i m having a hard time digesting disappointment,0
ready for friday at the ted go brave amp stocking up on ricola cough drop amp dayquil b c i have a cold from the constant weather change,0
s geen how i met your mother vandaag,0
no southpark for me,0
yay migraine to round of berlin,0
sheritingle really busy load of project to complete,0
so much for my roast tonight still frozen solid,0
up since 00 going to be a looooong day,0
i m bleeding i shaved my leg and now i m bleeding haha i m a loser xp,0
just got reduced to tear by jeremy kyle off to the doctor now i hate the doctor it so scary arghhhh,0
i killed the eggnog thread on pj with my lame joke,0
tommcfly hey no chance of adding brighton or eastbourne to the ucap tour gutted im missing out this time round i love you guy,0
i am really tired but cant go to sleep,0
saturngirl ha ha ha cap doffed okay you are right camping in the cotwolds again for me,0
lol i did that then i wa silly and thoght kb wa the same a k so it still not working i doubt i will ever find one,0
xovince pssht i miss u u don t respond to me,0
donniewahlberg donnie when are you coming back to the uk it s been toooo long x,0
went to the dentist today totally a a last resort totally broke now too god damn the dental industry need competition policy,0
th m m t l n n i d i,0
off too work gunna miss the lush weather x,0
mandy emmerson bummer hope your ok,0
http twitpic com y i miss thiss,0
wow it way too early to be awake lot to do though and software post at 0 so i actually have to be to work on time boo,0
missin my son he went home with my monster in law last night i can t wait to get him back this afternoon after work,0
iamloz jspr ouch,0
mirror kiss no i don t have money i m very upset too,0
laz yeah i couldn t answer your call at work this arvo babe my break are usually at ish so call then haha i need credit sooo bad,0
ugh i can t sleep because i m not feeling so great,0
foilly oh no that s a shame you ll have to find them the next time tim pass through or organise a sydney feeter convention,0
oh no kutner s dead watching house,0
so bored still no internet at home,0
been sent to the naughty boy corner in work http twitpic com y s,0
triplejsr the new eminem single quot we made you quot it s got zero play on aftermath s myspace i wan na hear it soo bad,0
i am wondering how to work this site,0
finally home from work,0
cant wait for easter but then after that it will be study time,0
back at work after a great weekend my brother have left home and gone back to england though with my gorgeous nephew miss them,0
nikrosser i don t think there is any kind of good stroke i ll wait to hear from you i love that little cat l xxx,0
argh cant stop yawning,0
if you have a computer which isn t doing much or a cpu core not doing much if you re technical get in touch i need processing power,0
my phone is broke too bad i could have been sending you exciting tweet today on how the city election are going election judge day,0
km on bike i m all hot n sweaty the rem marathon continues,0
im trying to make a chicken soup like my mother but without a recipe this will be interesting and i cant find matzah,0
ha a huge headache,0
want quot someone quot to come over here,0
itspink what boyzone are reforming i m never aware of anything,0
sparkly devil hug i m trying really hard to concentrate on the nice dream instead i m sorry you had a bad one too hon,0
theengteacher dammit getting to know this corner very well,0
ugh what a waste of hour,0
charltonbrooker you ve got my sympathy i ve got to go have my back x rayed,0
time for lunch i m so craving spring roll to bad we don t have a chinese near who delivers,0
i don t know how i am getting back to miami it s like no one care,0
kal penn ok well i think i just got a spoiler for this episode i haven t seen it yet i m in the uk gutted now,0
surely is this is the first time i have tried to do this,0
have a ouchy head which is making me feel sicky,0
alessandrod sadness but please keep updating hug,0
loris sl morning how thing in italy today depressing i imagine that is bad news,0
melaniengzuer haha nah no more i go back twice a month the bus ticket too expensive already,0
really want to see kasabian at eden project th july just need someone to go with,0
morning all it s a grey day in holland come on spring you can do it,0
sad that the time shift mean it s dark when we go home,0
sneffielynn i wish i knew what s going on with tb it s driving me crazy,0
damn i have missed gsoc apply deadline,0
hate revision,0
khensu i always feel like that too have an amazing day though xx,0
http twitpic com y i miss this,0
quite busy today attended appointment well tomorrow going to be another busy day,0
iiiii havent slept yet and i have to be at work in 0 minute boo,0
is stuck in history,0
claireboyles thought a much,0
going to work,0
the nowhere land not 00 sick but definately not healthy either,0
i am still suffering from a headache which ha been with me since yesterday afternoon feel like my head is in a vice not pleasant,0
working at uni red bull and a packet of sultana for dinner,0
csimiamijenny i know thats how i felt after givin them present them not appreciating it horatio is the real man lol,0
missykesson cant find u on it,0
firefly uk twitter is really playing up brace brings back memory of bad gagging reflex,0
carli chick i can t get photo x,0
on the bus going to work booo,0
can t tweet working over the head,0
robparsons too difficult who are these people no doubt the one who only ever see african a starving and helpless grrrrrr,0
sitting in work,0
nickynocky i pay just over a hundred for me and occasional kid in a house but not metered yours doe sound high then,0
abhian abey lalloo me n dake then went for the pm show cp u cud ve made it chal koi nahi nxt weekend try karenge again,0
up with my sick little girl who just came in my room and vomitted on my bed,0
insomnia ha got the best of me again ohhh so tired and can t find sleep,0
lol what anna schmance i soo wan na meet up with you in the holiday man haha im missing you so bad,0
i sooo can not afford to get an iphone,0
yay i can txt to twitter but can t receive to my cell bcos im in new zealand,0
sleeping at a friend today x whats going on with u don t understand,0
retrochick uk oh probably pmt and thoughtless men a bit too,0
to transcode a 00mb wmv to a 00mb flv file without loss of quality possible or not anyone know everything i try is terrible,0
kenmcguire sorry i had to be the one to confirm your darkest fear,0
divapromotions i agree sendout card rock just sent one today to a dear friend that i had to let go,0
dat some fast internet we ll probably be stuck with that 0 though http digg com d o kd,0
it s a new morning pulled back the curtain sunshining bird tweeting and i m stuck inside working,0
joypalmer i wake up at am and think ah yes that s mouse running around in the ceiling again,0
at school right now just watched this is england and i m sorry to say that i didn t like it that much maby because i watched it here,0
kangaroogav preach brother special k single gammon roll amp water no dinner,0
meeting aren t always boring but i wonder why i m always sleepy towards the close,0
surprised how little i miss having a house or car or really any of my other worldly possession but i do miss my dog,0
chrisgedrim that s it we re over,0
fancyelastic would use red onion if we had any chive are abundant at the moment so using them instead lid of sunflower seed is stuck,0
jasonarnopp our membership had expired and to renew them we have to do a new induction which can t happen til next tuesday,0
is needing some love,0
getting ill and very fed up with how thing have turned out,0
myapplestuff sadly we can t turn back time we have to help to re build everything amp give those poor family much love,0
so dissappointed right now guess it not meant to be,0
so tomorrow today finishing up hmwk getting over being sick then getting ready for another day of school tomorrow,0
jlo 9 ahhhhh so when are you leaving will you not make friday,0
captainseebass sparkyma girlfriend trouble got some serious thinking to do,0
monkey cat mom s brain are fried not juicy that s what she say when she s in front of teh compy too much my brain are fried,0
allieblue i have one vodka mudshake not going to be enough,0
i ve been accused of being a biscuit fascist because i said viennese biscuit weren t working class,0
up early ish to study before getting taken to lunch but then i have to come back from lunch and study more,0
ha twitter changed in past week can only view page of tweet on phone a selecting older repeatedly show page and no more,0
got ta calm the weekend down monday blue carrying on into tuesday,0
intelligensia i totally get you why you did it is beyond me i rediscovered some new bone on my back after sunday escapade,0
wish i were i sleeping,0
it d be great if some opensource luminary would record talk file for rockbox the daleky voice is unimpressive,0
polkadotskirt i m getting my card in two week and it s a solo iirc threadless com is already out of the question,0
shruticute got any web link to it here we only get the hindu and toi,0
moving on to managerial finance nicht gut,0
oops havnt been on a while so much school work hardly any time myself,0
is sad watching himym sea so i can be cool like everyone else but not feeling it and keep forcing myself to watch the next episode,0
andy winward only quot seem quot funny,0
hugbubble im keeping my distance well well away from your comment this is not good for the male specie,0
i can ha migraine,0
feeling ill today too so not having a great day,0
rather tired after last night work getting woken up early doesn t help either,0
rgdub yes i really wan na go bad but i have to work,0
at work plus im sick blah,0
bleach on my hair for the third time in four day ho hummm got to go out later to post the gazillion thing ive sold too bad,0
good morning just found out i need to have a wisdom tooth out,0
stuff finding a small enough picture i will jsut have to be this weird face for the rest of my twitter life lol,0
you guy i can t sleep but i really need to cause i have work gt lt fml,0
wish p kid wasn t so sick and in hospital tonight,0
tired cant sleep baby feeding at 0,0
ha a really sore elbow i think it s broken,0
is depressed he isn t going to be able to see david archuleta,0
hero is soooo boring ugh and i just found out there are more episode this season,0
kiyala aw what did the poor donkey ever to do to you,0
is in pain after having her brace tightened,0
is at work x,0
spring break is over school amp work are monster that have taken over my life seriously,0
redpr no look like housework for me,0
arisan no free day for you,0
is somehow sick again day till my exam wonderful timing,0
preparing for work and leaving the balcony but i ll give it tomorrow another try niceweather berlin goodlife,0
didn t want to be a tax inspector anyway,0
tweetdeck can you not become a seperate program rather than use air air is awful and this ram leakage is bloody annoying,0
is annoyed with the amount of glass on dublin road and the number of puncture i am getting,0
omg there is a super massive bee downstairs my phobia is kicking in big time and i can t go downstairs unless i know it s gone help,0
t minus minute to go home well not home but to do laundry at home kindof the laundry is at home but the washer and dryer isn t,0
and i am now a division of one,0
lancehenrikson just writ a ticketbot thing it is spamming people with ticket for band with quot that word quot in probably child too,0
just got home going to sleep for a couple hour no age of conan i hope i dream about eating delicious sushi,0
my computer can t open any file from the university so i can t do any work i don t get it,0
incrediblesteve cold turkey the only way i know,0
dog around my ankle a i ve had to lock them in the study with me away from the builder oh joy only another week of this,0
the great holiday homework sesh ha begun now bugger off twitter you distracting menace,0
dammit i think i picked up a bug from the girlfriend,0
beccaacyrusx chyeahhhh my shoulder back and leg all hurt atm,0
i miss one of my friend,0
very very busy not getting a chance to twitter a much a before,0
doesnt know what to wear,0
cincincintya my seed is on the verge of death thinking of what seedling i can plant to replace,0
i need something big to happen,0
done feeding horse this snowy windy april morning,0
loris sl i see they are still having aftershock over there i m following eqwatch which tell me there s just been another quake,0
want her ipod,0
yayitsfoogie aww well i thought it wa a fun website anyway don t be lonely,0
xrandommcrluvrx yup obsessed i bet they ve run out of stock though anyway thnx for the help with the phone i wa using the wrong code,0
guybatty oh i m so sorry to hear that very sad thing he wa so young,0
wren internet hug yep i know the feeling,0
kijuto em ng t h s ng gt h tr a d y n c m n xong ng ti p n t n b y gi m m t m m t,0
kal penn i just watched house and got really sad i liked kutner,0
where ha the morning gone,0
shaksiyya what wa going on with you guy over the weekend shak wa not happy my cd collection is outdated,0
is not a happy chappy,0
i m going to perform with my good friend nicole brilhante on thursday at don ho s please come no one else will,0
three cheer for fiber to the home now we only have to wait year for it,0
just couldn t sleep last night working a p than dinner with megan happy bday jl,0
digg link are now nofollow,0
rustyrockets will you be showing me some love you sexy swine feeling abit lonely go on you know you wan na x,0
ecaps bloody idiot just shop him into some gay porn,0
lost everything on laptop won t be able to cg anything properly untl about,0
just had a tonne of sad news today,0
i m getting more and more people asking where they can buy the ambients album simple answer is quot not yet quot it ll be on itunes eventually,0
missykesson bet you let mcgee on there hahahaha,0
gavlp yes i hope these shock are going to stop soon i think i m getting angry with earth itself,0
sore throat please god don t make me sick sleep time night all x,0
i didn t have enough sleep,0
mornnnninggg ugh by cub ha gone to work without a phoneee got no one to textt,0
drinking a nuun lemon amp lime electrolyte tab drink it s not sweet enough,0
limburger 00 infrastructure and improving their coverage service most of the wifi hotspot are in adelaide sa though,0
bloodrush ugh pizza would be fantastic right now too bad this isn t phx no pizza place open ppast like 0 here,0
sheamus yep done that from the off just have all friend search my tweet panel hmm interesting maybe it will fix itself later,0
sonnyjoeflangan oh awesome shit i missed it,0
allancavanagh thanks for the link allan dm not working laptop on a go slow,0
it s tuesday the su couldn t sleep last night btw orange juice right after brushing one teeth with cinnamon toothpaste yuck,0
would really love to go on holiday but it not gon na happen,0
stupid glass and it s ability to cut my foot,0
is really really tired and hasn t slept in day can barely keep my eye open really missing my sanity,0
just came back from college assignment really pile up like shit so dead tired,0
can t sleep how frustrating,0
for once in age i cant hear that bloody tap driping but now we have no cold tap in the bathroom rip tap,0
march sale report done hardly worth it,0
there is just something wrong with stupid vista i hate it,0
the swanage fieldtrip is legendary for carnage it s the only reason i chose geography pity my uni doesn t run it theinbetweeners,0
watched twilight last night wa brill but not a good a the book,0
how to get ticket sold out quot give it a name festival quot on sat,0
going for a shower amp brush my teeth don t wan na go to work,0
no longer innocent then http news bbc co uk hi uk 9 90 stm,0
wow non work related i ve been doing the seo for a site i designed and it s now ranking on msn google and ask sadly not yahoo,0
so many question for the next battlestations podcast we ll do our best but we can t possibly answer them all,0
study history of music bored help me please,0
wish there wa a a little tunnel preferably a waterslide direct from dressing room to water so people don t see me in my togs,0
freddiesdouble glad i m not at work but fed up of being in pain permanent earache for almost a yr is not fun,0
i m not liking that new itunes pricing at all i mean i ve seen several song at 9 but not only one at 0 9,0
natasja cupcake that would be great havin a crappy day again just can t seem to get in a good mood some sun would help,0
god pls m tryna be a good gal u noe it best i dun n dun n dun wana be in deep shit help me out here omg,0
i hate the new facebook look either so messy and everything is all over the place i want the old one back,0
nickynocky yeah it rubbish think my bill just gone up a well and you have to filter the crap water,0
ohmontana deal i ll murph you with my pliplup or whatever the water one barely at level 0,0
someone somewhere didn t like sheepish http www smartestgames com gotdhistory php id,0
davidtaraso i m stuck on chapter incineration destination,0
day to do day work,0
i am missing my daughter she went away yesterday for a week on a course to help her teach gymnastics the house is too quiet,0
yippee skype app now available on i phone whatever next xcept you cant use the video,0
i m not liking that new itunes pricing at all i mean i ve seen several song at 9 but not only one at 0 9,0
laniefuller feeling really sick today how about you,0
webview one of control of iphone sdk is too slow that even for loading local custom page it take a marginal time,0
cant eat drink or breath properly thanks to the bad throat infection,0
kara yoursojt depends when you re going though dont want to be hanging around town for age ooo aisha tune doreta beach would rock x,0
why can t i breathe yes an over exaggeration in term but still i hate being ill,0
eating lunch forgot to get home cooked food this morning,0
samshepherd darn i don t seem to be very good at this,0
wishing i wa getting 900 for free but noooo mr rudd want to play mean,0
ohdatsbeezy don t mind at all behind on my follows,0
just been the doc amp she give me some antibiotic for my throat no alcohol for a week,0
revjesse ahahah if only it were hot enough i want to work elsewhere like stacking shelf in some grotty shop,0
couldn t sleep read some animorphs and now i m attempting sleep again please work this time i m exhausted plus i want to cuddle,0
sister s cat meatball ha had it leg crushed need to be amputated now poor little thing,0
officialrandl whattttttt they ve not brought anything new out for about year and they re crap when will the full line up be up,0
matthew day yeah at work,0
ecaps arrrrg it must be bad mcdonald burger king always hire,0
my nose is bleeding,0
ditesh haha i m unsure what i can deliver for fo my i m not using alot of opensource software hail adobe for being expensive,0
glue not coming off it is sooo irritating,0
can not believe she is awake at am on a tuesday yawn and i had a bad dream bummer,0
sentricmusic suffice to say their offer wa ignored then emi com launched and they all laughed rather a lot,0
feeling low today,0
bored amp tired miss the stay back time,0
it rain heeaaavily outside and i trap in this building cant go home,0
dilyswei thank you i know it not over but the fact that i studied day and night made me sad,0
didn t even want to get up for work this morning i just wasn t feeling it but had to anyway,0
wtf they still dont have britney for the record up yet,0
chhavi working working working,0
is suffering with the lugholes again,0
someone in romania didn t like mystic myre http www smartestgames com gotd php,0
got ta stop turning in homework late would be gettin an a in information system if it wasnt for the few late assigments,0
i want my cereal but we re out of milk,0
oh no free car park i always use is now pay amp display but i have no change,0
zenojones i can t go to sleep too much to do too little time long week ahead of me and ok i ll get u hat lol,0
just booted into window to upload something since internet is even worse under ubuntu,0
wa playing around putting in random twitter usernames so many wasted blank,0
i totally just lied about going on a trip to get out of hanging out with someone airport wa the only excuse that came to mind,0
whatdamnnick well the problem with rain here is that it come with extreme coldness,0
nbcnews reporting pres chief econ guy summer is loaded with wall street money mil from a hedgefund from bank that were bailed out,0
tommcfly have fun tom i need to buy eclipse too but i have no money sad times,0
ha to wait a week to find out if her writing is any good sux,0
yay sj will be on come to play kibum is of course missing and so is teuk,0
wellreadkitty oh poor thing i used ot love squeezing out the pu when i wa a vet nurse kinda gross really,0
quot who is your favorite vintage designer quot lucy quot topshop quot i miss cycle of britain s ntm,0
darenzia assuming i wont get to see u before u leave i ll miss u punkin,0
i wan na go home,0
testing twitter mobile sm from australia expensive,0
whatchiing commercial breakdwon lol and havee homework to do enrtertain meee,0
plip would love to try trillian astra but it s a closed beta and they won t let me in,0
tittch i ll second andrew s suggestion they might fit you in a an emergency chin up thinking of you,0
poor ando he just got shot,0
sitting at my desk eating dinner great thai but a bit of a sad situation overall,0
moreshannon he isn t here he is down south for day working,0
mmuk09 moodle x must upgrade to 9 before being upgraded to 0 theme will probably break though,0
rooxxy i ve got tonne over here going to have to donate some i think i just can t eat any more,0
tomfelton late night suckkk gym always make me feel better though photoshoot for what,0
that overnight screwed up my sleep,0
alexrussin lucky i missed it,0
been with o for month now in need of phone upgrade iphone come to 00 over contract life need smartphone with cheapo talk plan,0
paulriggall me too why am i not going to glasto stupid girl crosby still amp nash are playing too,0
nujurzyboricua i wan na go back home and go to bed lol whatcha workin out today,0
honey it s nasty no report of flooding a yet multiple report of bad hair and wet pant however,0
rustyrockets it not my birtday something went wrong please reply or i feel you dont love me,0
mum soup made my stomach make nasty noise,0
laptop is running out of battery,0
worried about furry sun who ha bad tartar on teeth and need dental treatment,0
finally fellow ninja logging into the forum if you ve done so recently can you redo again a it woz a bit broken before,0
ughhhhhhhhhh twitter is bing sooooo retarded,0
nickynocky i m looking for other utility supplier tonite now,0
whykay it s lashing down here,0
chocolate covered strawberry and cottage cheese you have defeated me,0
i really need to go to a dentist,0
mfarnsworth you and i will both be retired by the time this is all done mate,0
a long flight is made even longer by a seat that won t recline off the red eye and grumpy,0
absolutelybatty hug back thanks hon i can t believe he s gone,0
just got a tennis top in the post but i don t like it and it too big shame,0
only day later and ant have eaten clean it bone that poor little gecko skeleton so very disturbing i regret not mercy killing,0
man today is going sooooo slowly today,0
wishing i wa again,0
why do i have to go to the sitty job more often than the nice one,0
http twitpic com y lt i feel so bad for the band right now,0
jonnypotter the simpson on demand thing doesn t work in the uk,0
i don t feel like revision,0
awake spanish test to make up this morning,0
dotnetnuke com is down server error in application,0
archiving project file to sharepoint this is not fun,0
another set of ipod earbuds dying left going quiet apple charge gbp 0 for replacement better option at around that price point,0
im having a miley nite no sleeping boo,0
wow i just did suicide in a row fyi unless you re a professional athlete you shouldn t do suicide,0
themaccabees i ve ordered that special inch set thingy from that place online i m so forgetful but it s still not here i want iiiit,0
i have decided my room need to be more quirky so angel gave me a mirror and my a button isn t working too well either,0
urghhhhhh tired i need a proper lie in,0
dindle manksniff food corp founder dindle manksniff disappears on midnight trip to fridge presumed dead,0
mandy moore quot cry quot http twt fm 009 quot a walk to remember quot by far my favorite movie so sad i cried like a baby,0
lghague just uni ruining my life a per usual,0
why isn t the hill available online yet soo disappointing,0
nikkiwoods exactamundo for some reason i think foxx is knocked out so idk what s gon na happen sorry,0
the poor spartan,0
i m bored sun it s not present in a sky i deppressed so much i want see the sun,0
my night went to the bar felt up a marred woman went home hard and alone,0
that ii crash is a tough nut posted to newsgroup http is gd raip,0
bah immune system finally gave in it did so well this year throat is feeling horrid now,0
crappy day so far whyyyyy,0
beththepq your blog won t let me comment again,0
my teef hurt,0
i have headache,0
adamcurry can i get download version of the dvorak interlude since streaming is banned at work,0
wwwicked i think i have tried everything but feel free to try to crack it i am at a loss,0
well that wa a waste of time,0
i hope i m feeling better by thursday will be seriously annoyed if i m ill over lan,0
back from bangalore missed dancing with a handsome wonderfully smiling foreigner,0
now i have to do my stupid italian homework,0
cant be bothered get out of bed day feelin ultra lazy i miss josh,0
coffee time wish i had whiskey like cameronreilly,0
i really want to play singstar but all my singstar disc are scratched,0
mileycyrus ouch mine too,0
i didn t see that many cherry blossom this year,0
argh iggy pop swift cover add on spotify way to kill the mood,0
arse totally forgot about a webinar that i wanted to attend this morning now i ll never know how to secure virtualised environment,0
is going to the tenancy tribunal tomorrow try to get my bond back,0
emmavieceli aw no get better soon have honey and lemon drink,0
ugh doe anyone know what i can do to stop anxiety attack pleeease i need help,0
cupcakesfortwo no pain to really be the issue though there s the thing can t figure it out,0
at degool cafe waiting the clock to be pm,0
i am feeling sick,0
this will have to do i lost the password to the version without the,0
fuck i feel a hell of a lot worse today,0
in france today it s raining,0
ufffffffffffffffff ke gorom need to a pond to swim,0
seekin for a new job,0
hour sleep in day and still working on my birthday,0
juanpol that page doesn t exist,0
ammarz i could not install it for xp user here in aramco vista user have no problem weird,0
seamonkey i am on a healthy eating kick i could only have shetland pony,0
did not sleep well at all and have a very unhappy stomach,0
is hanging out washing,0
bout to take my dog for a walk kinda tired aswell went training this morning,0
skooool i hope for some reason it is sooo much fun and like the best hehe,0
bradiewebbstack aww poor bradie stuff those vegies take a stand,0
vickybeeching saw someone at the apple store told that their warranty wa voided cuz they unlocked their phone,0
up and throat still hurt,0
italian lesson now bored,0
ooooooooooooh my headddd uncle johnny i never should have agreed to work the town election for you when i got that drunk last night ow,0
shedfire mrsshedfire been taking picture of you without your shirt bleeeech,0
cuprohastes don t feed car milky way though they don t like it that advert wa very misleading breaking down on the a isn t fun,0
johnnybeane me too i ll see on amazon uk otherwise they make me pay custom tax if i order it from the u,0
nz the place to be miss my own bed a bit though,0
just read r s amazing blog so tired don t want to go to school tomorrow either hmmph,0
i hate being awake going to school western civ presentation andn a really awesome lunch,0
ha just discovered the downside of going away for the weekend the food shopping still need done,0
ophelia haha sorreh i try spek normalz now k,0
is that snow,0
moulin rouge mad me cry once again,0
trying to shout but can t find people on the list,0
ughh can t find my red sox hat got ta wear this creepy nick pirro version,0
slept wonderfully finally tried swatching for new project classic line cardi from stash but don t like color must wait for now,0