text: Epic Rap Battles of History
  Adam vs
  Eve, begin
  This battles gonna end like every argument does
  With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub
  I made a map, motherfucker, and Im reading it too
  Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you
  I know that you like to think youre so macho
  But you smell like ballsacks and nachos
  I work while you and your boyfriend Steve
  Drink and play sports in a Fantasy League
  Youre as sharp as a stick that I rub on my lips
  So go ahead, take a shot, Im sure that youll miss
  Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list
  If youd stop fucking up I wouldnt have to get pissed
  My life was fine til you had to come along and wreck it
  Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?
  You cry about everything, but cant decide what you want
  Im hungry, Im fat, Im cold, Im hot
  You call it complex, but, yo, Id call you a mess
  You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed
  You got a lotion for this, you got a cream for that
  Got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back?
  When things are good theyre great, and its like Im dreamin
  Until your junk starts bleedin and you turn to a demon
  It aint summer, Eve, dont try to play me like a douche
  You wanna bite on my fruit, well, you can swallow the truth
  Dont even bring up swallow
  The first man on Earth aint a tough act to follow
  One pump chump and youre hung like a weasel
  Psh, ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle
  You want alone time? Have it, in fact
  Suck your own dick and shave your own back
  That apples the best thing I bit so far
  Now I see how much of a dick you are
  I wasnt listening, are you still flapping those lips?
  I was just thinking, Yo, did I give up a rib for this?
  Woman, I just dont know what your problem is
  All I know is youre acting like a colossal bitch
  Im sorry
  Im sorry, too
  All right, nice
  Dont even think about it
  Okay, thats fine, we could eat
  Who won?
  Whos next? You decide
  Epic—oh yeah—
  Rap Battles of History