text: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
  CAPTAIN KIRK!
  VERSUS!
  CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS!
  BEGIN!
  Arrivederci Imma leave before this battle begins
  Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win
  I’ll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
  I’ll beat you so bad they’ll feel it in the next generation
  So bring it on! I’ll whip you like a Klingon
  My rhymes will burrow in your ears like The Wrath of Khan
  I’ve got a neck chop for Spock I’ll put my sword through Sulu
  Check into a Priceline Hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu
  I’m the enterprising Captain James Tiberius Kirk
  Representing Riverside Iowa, planet Earth
  I hear you call yourself an explorer, but I’m just not having it
  You discovered a new world that was already inhabited
  Why don’t you boldly go someplace you’ve never gone before
  Like India, or any destination you actually set sail for
  You spaghetti eating fuck, how’s your spice rack doing?
  I’ll be chilling in my spaceship. Have fun canoeing
  You know, rapping against you, it’s not even fun
  It’s like somebody set your brains on stun
  I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain
  I’ll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!
  Mr. Spock, beam me back to 1492 so I can beat this man like it’s my job
  We’ll see how Isabella likes my Captain’s log
  It’s Kobayashi for you, there’s no way you could win
  When your weak crew sees me approaching, they’ll be like, dammit it’s Jim
  I’ll double-fist-punch you, you slave making bitch
  Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge
  WHO WON?
  WHOS NEXT?
  YOU DECIDE!
  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPICRRRRRRRRRAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!