text: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
  ALEXANDER THE GREAT!
  VERSUS!
  IVAN THE TERRIBLE!
  BEGIN!
  Look alive, crème de la Kremlins arriving
  Try to serve Ivan? No surviving
  Youre a land rover, Im a land expander
  Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander
  Ill school you like Aristotle
  Smack you harder than you hit that bottle
  Youre nothing but an overrated lush, Ill crush ya
  Im the first Tsar of all of Russia
  Youre an asshole with an anastole
  Im heaven sent, divine and holy
  So dont even try to approach the God
  Or youll get a huge sack like Novgorod
  Hey fella, swell diss
  But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed
  Stepping ups foolish as well as useless
  Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list
  I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia
  Breezed through Gaza to Giza
  Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan
  In my expansion pack
  While you died in the middle of a game of chess
  You got vodka bars, flavorless
  And what Im bout to spit will be the craziest
  So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed
  Kudos! Greek for the glory I got
  From winning every single war that I fought
  So this will be straightforward, Ill take up this sword that I brought
  And slice you in half like the Gordian knot
  And Ill soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore
  As I swatted my many enemies, shattered em like a porcelain pot
  And theyd be praying for the torture to stop
  But I would leave em contorted and theyd be screaming and roaring
  Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot
  And I would holler Bucephalus!
  Hop on my horsey and trot
  I win Ivan, I vanquish
  Im an immortal, youre not
  Enough! I dont stand a chance against your skills
  На здоровье - A drink to your victory!
  Yes, I will!
  It seems no one can defeat me
  I weep, its all so easy... ooh
  Whats wrong?
  I feel a bit... queasy
  Ha! Youve been poisoned!
  Oh, the pain is unbearable!
  My stomachs riddled with holes!
  Ugh, Im terrible
  Theres no great who could defeat this Russian
  Psst, what about a flute busting Prussian?
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Old Fritz!
  Im Frederick the Great, out the gate first servant of state
  Oblique attack tactics aint exactly straight
  Ive got creative talents and battle malice
  Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace
  Russias fucked up, but no wonder why
  With your tundras and taigas and bears, oh my!
  I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes
  If I had to look at your troll face every night
  Now bring me my chair
  Im weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square
  Fought a Seven Years War, I aint scared of a Tsar
  Cause beating you only took me twelve bars
  Ohhh, what a humiliating defeat!
  I know when I am beat, so of course, take a seat
  Id keep ripping you to shreds, but Ill take a break instead
  And just rest my little head
  Why dont you drop dead, Fred?
  Hmm, my expectations were a lot higher
  But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire
  Its another great day and another great victory
  Cause no great can beat me
  What about me?
  Pompey! Yeah!
  Macedonians, Prussians and Romans
  Those arent worthy opponents
  It takes a Russian to take down a Russian
  Im Cath, Im a cat, youre a rodent
  How are you the head of our state
  When the state of your head was such a crazy one?
  Such sick shit going through your brain
  That you stuck a spike through your own son 
  Youre unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged
  I brought the Russian empire straight out of the olden days and right into the golden age
  Im the boss bitch that you just cant meddle with
  This whole battles like Alaska cause I settled it
  Hmmm, what a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle
  Accept this gift, Your Highness
  I hear you enjoy the saddle
  That horse story is a pile of shit
  Though I do keep em chomping at the bit
  But youre never gonna get it, nyet
  Couldnt spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette
  Im picking up where Peter the Great left off
  Bringing sexy back to House Romanov
  So dont call me Queen, Im far more great
  Empress to Tsar 8, bitch
  Checkmate
  WHO WON?
  WHO’S NEXT?
  YOU DECIDE!
  EPIC!
  RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!