text: Epic Rap Battles of History
  Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
  Four score and sixty-five years in the past
  I won the Civil War with my beard, now I’m here to whup your ass
  I’ve read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears?
  Well, tell me, Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?
  You’re a washed up has-been on TV, selling Total Gyms
  And you’re gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon
  I’ll rip your chest hairs out, put them in my mouth
  I’ll squash you like I squashed the South
  I never told a lie and I won’t start now
  You’re a horse with a limp, I’ll put you down
  This isn’t Gettysburg, punk, I’d suggest retreating
  For I invented rap music when my heart started beating
  Chuck Norris doesn’t battle, he just allow you to lose
  My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth
  I’ve got my face on the side of a mountain, you voted for John McCain
  I’ve got a bucket full of my head and I’m about to make it rain
  You block bullets with your beard? I catch them with my skull
  I’d make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I’ve never ever seen that show
  I am Chuck Fucking Norris! I’ve spread more blood and gore
  Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch
  I split the Union with a roundhouse kick
  I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick
  I attack sharks when I smell them bleed
  I dont go swimming, water just wants to be around me
  My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster
  You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone’s master
  Who won? Whos next? You decide
  Epic Rap Battles of History