text: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
  JACQUES COUSTEAU!
  VERSUS!
  STEVE IRWIN!
  BEGIN!
  Jacques Cousteau, here to spit flow
  Invented SCUBA, captained the Calypso
  Palme d’Or winning documenter of the ocean
  Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman
  You’re chunky and soft, you get on my nerves
  Youre the only manatee I don’t want to conserve
  My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty
  I’m so cool, Bill Murray played me in the movie
  I have Oscars! You’re in Doctor Dolittle 2
  So run back home to your daddy’s zoo
  And just to be clear, ‘cause I’m no veterinarian:
  Were you killed by a fish kids pet at the aquarium?
  Holy smokes, what a place to go!
  You’d need a submarine for a blow that low 
  Youd better run! You’d better take cover!
  Cause crikey, I’m going from croc to Jacques hunter!
  Have a look at this salty fella:
  His face looks like it’s made of pure leather!
  Look out! He’s got the body of a naked mole rat
  He’s cranky ‘cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat
  I’m a wild man, you’re a subdued sub dude
  The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes
  Crikey! You’re such a boring guy
  You could make a whole show about the ocean dry
  But with the sheilas you sure had fun
  Your mistress was as young as your first-born son
  You never shoulda stepped to the wildlife defender
  Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender
  Talk about sons, better watch what you say now
  You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake House!
  Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy
  Nazi! Nazi! Nazi! Oy yoy yoy!
  Enough of your antics and madness!
  Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus
  You’re a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper
  Go grope a nope rope, Crocodile Humper
  There’s a type of snail, recently discovered
  And named after you — I’ll eat them with butter!
  Hey Skippy The Bush-League Kangaroo
  Hold the dee, I’m Crocodile Dun with you!
  Where ya goin, fella? Hang on a minute
  Like a Joey in a pouch, this ain’t quite finished
  Take a look how destructive your old films are
  Silent World? More like Silent Worldstar!
  If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour
  Don’t go throwin’ C-4 on the seafloor
  I’m the gold medal rhymer on the podium
  Cleanin’ you up like a Jacques Custodian 
  I’m Mother Nature’s greatest conservationist
  When I rock the mic, I’m danger! Danger! Dangerous!
  So go back down under with your crew
  I just blew through you like a didgeridoo
  WHO WON?
  WHOS NEXT?
  YOU DECIDE!
  EEEEEEEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!