text: howl
  EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
  COUNT DRACULA!
  VERSUS!
  VLAD THE IMPALER!
  BEGIN!
  Imagine forests of corpses dripping on a buffet
  You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday
  Vlad Dracula, spawn of the devil
  Dipping my bread in your weeping blood vessels
  Scorched the earth from Hungary to Wallachia
  I inspire fear, you inspire Count Chocula
  Step to the Turks and the bodies started dropping
  Put my foot on Ottomans like I was furniture shopping
  I save my stakes, no need crucifix
  I kill you with Olive Garden garlic breadsticks
  I butcher men, women, and children like cows
  Put more meat on swords than Fogo de Chão
  Does this mic still work after that blah, blah, blah?
  Check one... two... ah, ah, ah!
  The flex of a rear-spearing princeling can’t vex me
  ‘Cause I nibble necks and I make it look sexy
  I’m Universally known for intrigue and desire
  I shapeshift into mist and bone Winona Ryder
  Slick hair, popped collar, and a damn nice cape
  While you’ve got less taste than an Anne Rice cake
  Your rhymes are empty, like I leave vascular systems
  I’d grant you the privilege of being Dracula’s victim
  But the thought of biting you makes me get nauseous
  You don’t look like the type thats keen on neck washes
  Did you shapeshift those punchlines? ‘Cause they mist
  Your skill’s like your reflection: it doesn’t exist
  Turn your taint to a tis, when I put a stick through ya
  Haven’t seen a sucker this soft, since Bunnicula
  Get beat by Count Dracula? You’re smoking crackula
  I dunk on your wackula raps like I’m Shaqula 
  I’m Vlad to the bone, Vlad the hat-nailer
  Vlad that commits heinous acts on rats, ask the jailer
  You leeched my name, you pale son of a bitch
  And your weak ass gets beat by the sun at the beach
  Your slick hair and cape are all flappy razzle-dazzle
  But at end of day you’re a bat, and that’s only half a battle
  Wow! I did not know that you could read
  That’s great... now let’s see if you can bleed! 
  Ha! You thought the sun could kill me? Not true!
  I’m the vampire so cold they call me Nosfer-achoo
  My syllable delivery is devilishly intricate
  I rock the house, once I’m invited into it
  And here’s a tidbit, that you can stick a stake up:
  You’re losing so bad, you should join Team Jacob
  Renfield!
  Yes, master?
  Call a doctor, not Seward 
  Cause Vlad the Impaler has just been skewered
  WHO WON?
  WHOS NEXT?
  YOU DECIDE!
  EPIC-
  AAAAA, AAA AA AA AAAAHAA
  RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!