Now I know why I wasnt that good at school and I think it wasnt because I was dumb or lazyit was because of the hell Ive lived in all my lifethis house sucks and the worst is that it doesnt seem to to outside people since my parents are great actors Just to give an example Ive been to church until like a year ago despite I never liked catholiscism and in fact I feared it when I was a kid and why did I do that I did that because I didnt dare have a rational conversation with my parents and what happened when I did I was called a terrorist by my fucking father among other things I had to cry for days I was ignored made fun of and insulted what did my mother do she didnt force me to be a catholic like my father tryed to do but she didnt help me either she just seemed to agree with him while agreeing with me when he wasnt there just like an evil cat and she does just that all the time she complains about my fathers obssesive controlling personality with me and my sister but when my father says all his bullshit to me she never says a thing but its different with my sister because my mother supports her against my fathers crazy temperament my father treats me like Im a  year old drug addict living off his money he doesnt get that Im studying a career and thatlike everyone here I dunno about other countrys he has to pay for it its not like Im not doing anything my god whenever Im happy what do they do I swear to my life that they FUCK THINGS UP FOR ME no matter what  and whenever Im sad thats most of the time arround them because I dont dare to even joke arround with them since they are offended by anything whenever Im sad they come with theyr you need god in your life bullshit or theyr see we are right and u r wrong bullshit Im sick of this I just wanna get a fucking job get out of this house and lead a NORMAL LIFE where Im not issolated from my friends  and can go out and have fun with them without being threatened with loosing the internet conection or being taken out of college and my sister according to my friends who kind of know my situation shes envious of me and thats why she treats me like shit and doesnt even respect my room like I do hers and can you believe I love them I do  and thats why I think Im looney because this isnt possible I forgive them every single time but If I want to hold on to my physical and mental health and have somwehat of a good future I have to develop a stiff upper lip and not give a shit about them anymoreand I should even take regenge according to most of my friends but I dont even want toI just wanna be left alone anf try to forget all Ive been through I just wish it was physical abusse so I could show my scars and make a point but this wayanyone can think Im crazy Maybe this is the cause of all my existential doubts because I dont have anything to be sure of and feel confident about in my everyday life becase my family does the job of ruining everything for me  Im sorry for all the swear words but I had to express how I felt somewhere also I think Ill erase this because I dont think its allowed at all on wikipedia its just that theres so much rational people here that I think I can get some good advice and Ive nowhere else to turn