Please respond and not defensively here  No sane person would look at what you do day and night day after day week after week month after month year after year and not conclude that you need a massive intervention  I have to think you are a very lonely unhappy person so no one probably knows of the depth of your sickness  So it falls to a stranger like me I guess  You are so engrossed that I cant envision you just admitting what has become of you but I am willing to start to introduce you to reality  Lets start with this question  How many hours of your short life have your poured into this wasted foolishness at the expense of actually living a life