In further sensational, never previously broadcast interviews, Princess Diana describes events which will astonish the public and cast yet further doubts on her husband's fitness to rule. The recordings were made by her voice coach, Peter Pension-Scheme, whose teaching methods included immortalising the Princess on compromising video tapes, which were left with him for safe-keeping. In one tape, he is heard encouraging her to discuss her troubled marriage: "You must have been desperate for a real, red-blooded man, given that your everyday life was a desperate vortex of disappointment, bulimia and unbearable sexual frustration." "Yeah," Diana says. Pension-Scheme: "Your husband wasn't really meeting your needs?"  The Princess laughs. "Twice a year, birthdays and Christmas - and that was cancelled if either of them fell on the 13th of the month. Typical Libra." Pension-Scheme asks: "So you were forced to seek intimacy elsewhere?" "And how," Diana says, rolling her eyes. "Couldn't get enough - until we were found out. Then it was curtains." Although she does not mention any names, it is understood that she is referring to John Major, the former Tory prime minister.  Pension-Scheme: "He's said to be a very well endowed man." Diana giggles again. "Shall we say I thought he was just drop dead gorgeous. I don't find it easy to discuss - but I used to fantasise about running away from all this, finding a little bungalow somewhere, and spending the rest of my life taking care of him - but it wasn't meant to be."   Diana's intimate friendship with Mr Major is understood to have continued until he was thrown out of office in 1997. Asked if she thinks his electoral defeat had anything to do with MI5, Diana lowers her voice. "With a little help from You Know Who. I didn't know anything about it until Labour had been in for three weeks. Charles just came in and told me they'd won. By a landslide. Typical." Minutes later she had to put on her public face and go shopping. "I was devastated. Threw both of us down the stairs. Total and utter stitch up. But there was no way of proving it."  The outgoing Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Sir John Stevens, has ordered an investigation into claims of voting irregularities in the 1997 election.  Before she was due to make an important speech, Mr Pension-Scheme would urge Diana to focus on the most hurtful aspects of life with her husband, then imagine herself performing a seductive victory dance with Wayne Sleep. She says she was devastated to discover, during her engagement, that Charles snored. "Too late to change my mind. Completely shattering. He said he wasn't going to be the first Prince of Wales not to snore. Utterly typical."  Pension-Scheme: "Anything really disgusting? On a totally confidential basis, obviously." Diana pauses. "The worst thing - never told a soul, just too dangerous - is the devil worshipping thing. Right from the start of our marriage, I'd hear these terrifying howls at Highgrove. Spine chilling. Charles used to say it was owls." Refusing to accept this explanation, a frightened Diana contacted one of her clairvoyants, Evelina Chequebook. "Evelina came down and said the place was emitting more high-potency evil than anywhere she'd ever experienced. Totally toxic. Did my head in. Told me I absolutely had to get the boys out of there, before they were sucked into it. Can you believe it?"  Mr Pension-Scheme asks what happened. "Went to see the Top Lady, as I call her," Diana says. "Said, I happen know for a fact that Charles and Camilla and the Van Cutsems are devil-worshipping in the quinsy garden." But the Queen refused to intervene."Just said, 'Oh   Charles is utterly insane. Always has been. Always will be.' I said, 'Insanity! I see mental instability of such magnitude in my role that you would never understand.' And that was it. Nada."  The outgoing Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Sir John Stevens, has ordered an investigation into claims that a satanic cult is operating from Highgrove.  In another sensational confession, Diana says she discovered the location of Lord Lucan. Invited by Peter Pension-Scheme to share any empowering but deeply private experiences which might extend her vocal range, the Princess reveals that she has the power to track down missing people and objects. "People who have passed on, they tell me stuff. Tracked Charles down once, with his Lady. Behind his faith shed. Boy, were they surprised. And an earring. And Elvis came through once, saying Lucan's not really dead at all. Got me so upset."  "Where is he now?" Pension-Scheme interjects. "What's the exact address?"  "He's living under a false identity in -" here the Princess checks herself. "I can't tell you. Too risky. And he begged me not to expose him. Knows what he did was wrong, but he's trying to rebuild his life. Absolutely begged. I said OK. Left it to fate. I know what goes around comes around." Asked if she has told anyone else about her psychic powers, Diana tells Mr Pension-Scheme that he's the first. "I know I can trust you."  On the basis of new evidence, Sir John Stevens has ordered a re-investigation of Lord Lucan's disappearance. <B>Who is the 'melons' man? </B> <BR>  Even as one sympathises with the women MPs who, as a new report alleges, have endured unforgiveable insults from male colleagues, their reluctance to disclose which individuals offered them 10,000 for sex (reported by Oona King), or shouted "melons" (Barbara Follett), or "literally" pinned them to a wall by the neck (unnamed woman MP), or expressed a desire to "roger" a nearby woman (reported by Jackie Ballard), is quite mystifying. Who are these men? If they are still in parliament, should they not be named, and if guilty, subjected to public emasculation without anaesthetic? Or at any rate, invited to step down. Not only is it wrong to protect these primitives, the steady drone of unresolved complaint, if it persists for much longer, might give people the unfortunate impression that many women MPs are disproportionately preoccupied with their own specialness and personal grievances. One is still grumbling about the "public school atmosphere". Yet another says she "dreads" PM's questions. Can nothing be done to help them? Some effective collective action might liberate female MPs and civilise rogue males, at the same time as encouraging women who regularly face worse treatment, in far harder circumstances, all over the country.  Unless one explanation for this apparent passivity is that many of the more lurid offences reported this week actually occurred years ago, long before the breast-feeding reforms and the changes in Commons hours and culture which now make the woman MP's lot the envy of many full-time workers with four weeks annual holiday. Although, as Dawn Primarolo suggested, it can still be difficult for women MPs to escape from work in order to watch their children play in rugby or football matches. I wonder if they have considered doing so during important parliamentary debates.   A debate, for example, like the one about David Blunkett's outrageous and ignorant proposal to restrict freedom of speech where it relates to religion. You couldn't help but notice, on Tuesday afternoon, that this long, non-boorish discussion did not feature a single contribution from a woman backbencher. Two female junior ministers spoke in defence of censorship. Perhaps there were some important matches on.    <B>Ridicule us too, please </B><BR>  Jackie Rowley, communications director for Charles Kennedy, emails to ask why the Lib Dem    leader's card did not feature in a piece, published earlier this week, about politicians' Christmas cards. "Did you fail to mention the Kennedy card because it was too normal (and in aid of a constituency charity)?" she asks. I see that lack of space is no excuse for ignoring Mr Kennedy's almost unimproveable Christmas card (in aid of the Highland Hospice in Inverness), which depicts a croft in the foreground and, behind it, the sunlit eminence of Glencoe, partially obscured by a line of horizontal cloud. I am conscious that there may be other cards which ought to be described in the Guardian. If so, do let me know.